#this is how I'll be surviving waiting each week for another episode

[human-sweater-vest]

hi welcome back to me once again screaming about our flag means death and its use of gnossienne no. 5. heads up for spoilers for the first three episodes of season two and each episode the theme pops up in going forward.

cool cool cool. so it's been established that gnossienne no. 5 is the love theme for ed and stede as it was used during many of the pivotal moments of their relationship in season one. I'll do a brief recap but for a post breaking that down more see this bad boy.

the main thing with my previous analysis is that the instruments and tone changed each time the song came in, sometimes being loud and brash, other times being a whisper in the back of a quiet realization. therefore, I was so incredibly excited to see if/when/how it made its reappearance in season two. below is a compilation I'll update with each episode .

episode one and two don't have any use of it as far as I caught on my first watch through. please let me know if you catch it!

episode three:

5:40 - when stede boards the revenge for the first time after ed destroys it. he's looking for his love and it makes sense that this would be our first instance of the song in the season so far. however, the slow and almost hesitant piano of the song is cut off by the sheer destruction of the ship. we know how much the revenge means to stede, it was his lifeline and his home and the place he and ed found their love for each other. naturally it being destroyed would halt the music. it's also fun that we make it all the way to episode three without it appearing because that's when ed makes his first appearance in season one. good symmetry. good soup.

12:35 - when stede enters the captain's quarters alone to clean up the daggers the song comes in and we hear the iconic melody instead of just the notes leading up to it. he's fully allowing himself to stew in the mess the man he loves has made and how he's a direct cause of it. the main part starts as the camera shifts to a dagger right before stede pulls it out, perhaps indicating that their love has wounded them. he knows that ed is gone but the crew hasn't revealed where or why. the music then ends on a sour note and cuts out as izzy starts to speak, breaking the spell as he's confronted with the reality of one of the people who has been both complicit and victimized by ed's breakdown.

16:06 - as stede admits to zheng yi sao that he feels like he's the cause of ed's destructive streak and that he let him down, the theme once again comes in, this time softer than the previous two appearances in the episode. notably it's also piano, keeping in line the same tonal theme of simplicity and hesitance. it once again runs its course until an interruption happens with auntie bursting in to announce that she found "the jackpot" aka a dying ed stored in the secret room.

episode four:

00:00 - right at the start as ed is coming back to life. it ends abruptly as ed hits stede in the face, showing us that things aren't going to be all lovey dovey.

26:05 - it starts as ed says "buttons, people don't change" (before buttons turns into a seagull, proving this to be false). this is a really important one for several reasons. the first of which being that stede has once again left him alone in the woods, but this time he comes back for ed. ed is confronted with change, assured by it, things can be better. the second and infinitely more exciting to me, is the fact that this version is played on the harpsichord. where did we hear the harpsichord version last? the bathtub scene of season one, when ed decides to change for the first time. when he trusts stede to change with him.

episode five:

26:03- "you wear fine things well" part two. y'all. Y'ALL. it's the same exact version as the first time this scene happened. the critical difference is that they're experiencing it as reality and not a lovestruck delusion. they're flawed and fucked up and the moon isn't as full but the song is still the same. they're still in love.

episode eight:

12:10 - "I feel it in my soul, a love like ours can't disappear in an instant" Y'ALL I FUCKING CALLED IT I KNEW WE'D GET A BIGGER ORCHESTRATION OF THE SONG. we have strings as well as the piano and the theme is joyful and beautiful and reflecting that ed finally admits to himself that he loves stede. this is it. I'm buying dinner and going feral as my original tags promised. y'all this season was a doozy and you can best believe that if we get a season three I will be losing my noodle on how they decide to orchestrate the final usage of this song.

[tamtuliko]

Thoughts collected

4 minutes addition

So... tomorrow's is Friday. Finally, the end of the week. Unfortunately, I'm unable to watch the ep. 6 till Saturday morning, as I live in Japan and we are a few hrs forward, to put it simply while ep. 6 will be premiered. I'll be dreaming about this:

Seriously, does anyone move from this scene?? Cause my dumbest didn't, and I'm not sure I'll ever be. Look, I'm still thinking about Alex and Henry's scene on deck. These two were so cutesy and shit.

Sorry, I suddenly lost myself.

What I was saying is that it's really hard to move from the scene when the shit is happening in the series.

So I need to word vomit here.

I need to ask first:

Okay... let's see what we've got so far:

Great's timeline

Probably Tyme's timline

Tonklas timeline

In Greats timeline, he goes cardiac arrest at 11 o'clock. How he got at hospital we don't know. Yes, we saw him getting shot and bla bla bla, but don't forget this is after he re-do shit. Saved woman and this woman became his end. And dot forget, she is also his begging. She is the first re-do Great did. In his timeline we don't know what happened to Tyme. Is he alive running to Great? Or is he dying somewhere.

Tymes' timeline is more complicated cause we've seen Greats POV so far. I guess we will see Tymes from the next episode, and then we will have culmination. But just guess: Tymes plan was to get Great, I don't know fall in love or just befriend him and use him against his family or just use him for information, but he fall in love and that's where all shit goes down. In the end, we see Tyme run and his bloody nose appear and dissappear, I think we are shown 2 timelines, one is Greats, and another one is Tymes. Which is which hell knows. With Greats re-do, Tyme saved Nan and all good, but in Tymes timeline, nothing has changed, I think. The bloody nose in ep. 5 and Tyme being shot in ep. 1 can be seen as evidence. The place where he is shot looks like where illegal casino or Greats Fathers whearhouse is.

Tonklas timeline, the easy one, this kid got some serious problems. He went for revenge, his little brother never was saved, he was neglected by Korn, got new man, and became a murderer. I think his and Tymes' timeline can be seen as the same. Without Greats re-do. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty interested in how his character gonna help and how his choices gonna help the timelines and the world's, but his story is really boring for me. I am stunned by Fuaiz (Tonkla), he is a great actor, he does everything really well, but Tonkla as a character for me af this moment is very boring and just I don't know... I can't see him fitting.

So

Great goes cardiac arrest, Tyme runs to him

Tonkla killes Title, who killed his little brother

Tyme is shot while somewhere, maybe trying to save Nan.

2 and 3 can be same timelines. Great is still going to cardiac arrest.

And here is the main thing, if this is some suspense/ supernatural series, the worlds will collide, and we will have one timeline, everybody surviving or dying.

Like in 1 Tyme will experience the other Tymes' feelings and maybe even see all the shit. Again, I don't know about Tonkla. How is he fitting in this story? I can't wait to see it, really. Great is already experiencing different timelines, so we will se if he survives.

Wild guess, after watching Bible and Jes rehearsal for 1st meeting. It was like they were in the same place, but they couldn't reach each other, typical parallel worlds and different timelines. It was the same act in teaser as well. They met, fought, fell in love, separated, and in the end, they died.

One of them for sure will die. Or both of them. Bible in his interview said that a happy ending depends on person, how we see it. For someone, it can be these two surviving and continuing loving and living. For some, it can be them meeting again afterlife. Let's not forget that death is not the end, Albus Dumbledore said: "After all, to the well-organised mind, death is but the next great adventure".

I hope for a better end, but... they are going to be together in everytimelime, parallel , and the afterlife.

I don't know a shit.

I'm sleep deprived, and I need to see Jes being bullied by Bible.

Sorry if I didn't make a sense.

The whole series doesn't make sense anymore. Yet I'm still here, in my 10000 rewatch.

Also:

Is that dimples I see there??

Soft, soft, soft

These two kisses were everything. Tyme is scared, nervous, and unsure. You can see it in his eyes, Jes, the actor you are 😍

Sorry, I just love this baby girl.

See you on Saturday. I am fucking working on that day, I'm gonna get myself ship home if continue being distracted 😆btw...

[starseneyes]

Chenford - Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 5 - Ep 17

"The Enemy Within" AKA Chenford Sucks at Babysitting

I've been so caught up in life (mostly great stuff) that I almost forgot it was Chenford night! Gee wiz!

But, for those following along:

we got an amazing deal on a car

we're this close to picking a roof vendor

I have another regular client for a few months

might have one more big contract coming in

See!? Good. Just busy.

SPOILER ALERT: I like spoilers very very much. If you don't, please run away. I will spoil the entirety of the episode and the whole series that has come before that if the Meta demands it.

All squared away? Awesomesauce. Let's dive in.

"Hi. Uh, don't hate me." "What did you do?"

Tim is actually smiling when he sees her scurry up to him, versus last episode when he was scowling.

He can't even look at her as he asks his question, because they just weathered the storm of Tim Metro Jenga and now what!?

"No, you're supposed to say, 'I could never hate you.'"

Tim throws a look her way, and we all know that while Tim could never hate Lucy, that's not the point. He needs to know what she did and fast because his imagination's already running wild.

"Fine. I got mad at you a few months back after a Tim Test."

Because she hopped in a TARDIS and took a trip back in time.

Look, I know the timeline on this show can be a counter to reality, considering the first year of the show was about 3.5 years. But we know from 4x05 to 5x06 was a year because both episodes take place on Halloween.

Tim and Lucy started dating in 5x10, and it was "a few weeks" by the time we got to 5x12. So, we're at least a few months past Halloween, meaning that Tim hasn't put Lucy through a Tim Test in well over a year and a half.

Now, it's possible Lucy has no concept of time, but I'll admit the line took me out the first time I heard it because I try to keep track of the timeline for the sake of these Metas.

Is it a ridiculous thing to be bothered by? Abso-friggin-lutely. And totally attributable to Lucy's inability to keep track of time. Her pregnancy might feel like a decade and her first child's first year in a blink of an eye.

I hear that's how it goes for people who have one kid, at least. My twin pregnancy was a breeze compared to my second pregnancy with my daughter, and the twins' first year was... survival.

What matters is—Lucy was so pissed she set Tim up.

"Which one?" "Oh, weird, I honestly don't remember. But, so, that's not important." "What did you do?"

Tim's mouth is open the whole time she's talking, just waiting for her to give him a straight answer. He knows this is bad with how much she's stammering and starting over.

"I signed you up to be a Make a Dream mentor and then I totally forgot about it. I'm sorry." "For when?" "Today."

Tim's eyebrows shoot up to the sky and his hand automatically rises in protest. Lucy's hands rise to meet them, and his falls away.

It's a part of their dance. Yes, this sounds like I'm high. No, I'm not high (and never have been in my life). I'm connecting dots over here! ... Which also makes it sound like I'm high.

Have you ever noticed how Tim and Lucy shift based on the other, sometimes? When they're outside the plane in 5x01 and they're holding onto one another, there's a sway to their movements. They do it, again, in 5x12 right before Lucy disrobes her honey so she can eat him up. *ahem*

Tim and Lucy have a feel for each other. For the space the other occupies. There are times when occupying the same space is a very good thing, of course. But there are other times where they simply shift to make room for the other.

It's such a sweet, subtle thing that is more than likely good blocking and/or actor instinct. But it makes for such a beautiful visual of give-and-take with Chenford. It's mesmerizing.

"It's a good thing... lifting up a sick kid who's having a really hard time. What could you possibly be doing with your day that would be more important than that?

Lucy grabs onto his arm and he spins back to face her. Most of the time, it's small, open-handed touches from Lucy when they're at work. But this time she full-on handles her future husband to get his attention.

"Nice job boxing me in" "Thank you."

Tim's mad-impressed with his woman. If he wasn't so pissed, he might suggest they slip into a closet Wopez style for a quickie.

Lucy gives Tim the most adorable little bow, like a performer appreciating the applause.

"Where are you going?" I gotta go out on patrol." "You are me are gonna be entertaining our Make a Dream kid together."

Because if I have a kid, that means you have a kid. Like, it's already a foregone conclusion for these two.

Remember, Lucy knows that Tim wants kids, and thought he'd have some by now. Tim knows Lucy wants kids because she talked at length with him about her ovaries (even when he didn't want her to).

They're on the same page. Someday (not right now) there are gonna be little Chenford babies running around.

But right now, let's see if these two can handle one kid for a day.

"What else could you possibly do with your day that's more important?" "Yeah, right. I should have seen that coming."

You really should have. And while I'm curious about the logistics of this, considering he's not her supervisor, anymore, so he can't decide what she does with her day, I'm totally willing to suspend disbelief and have some fun.

Chenford + Kid? This'll be fun!

"This is my son Jordy. Say hi." "Hi. I hear you wanna be a cop." "Yeah." "Okay, well, you're gonna be hanging out with us today." "So, I just pick him up at 3?" "We'll take good care of him."

Tim has a smile for the kid when Jordy arrives, but it's not his "stop kissing my girlfriend you asshat" face he usually reserves for Chris. This is that smile he often reserves for kids—welcoming and sincere, yet still subtle. You can see it on his face with the Little League team earlier this season.

Also, I'm very curious about how this system works. I know I'm that weird Mom who wants to watch her kids' dance and Ninja classes, but I've signed waivers with those places, too. So, did Lucy forge Tim's signature on a waiver of some kind? That would be an interesting fanfic!

Also, the use of "we" and "us" still gets me. You'd think I'd be bored of it considering they've been knocking boots a while, now, but inclusive language makes me warm and fuzzy inside.

This is what happens when someone with two communications degrees writes a Meta. I'm so, so sorry.

"So, I'm thinking Processing. Wanna take your fingerprints? Get a mugshot taken?

Tim is so cute with kids! He's really trying to give this kid a fun day, even though this is not how he planned to spend his day.

Lucy's little dance in this scene had me rolling, too. We're so getting a sneak-peek at these two as parents. Spoiler Alert... they've got some work to put in. Thank God the first year is (as Bradley Whitford said in one of my favorite shows) "an on-ramp".

"Okay. Give me your meanest face." "Now look miserable."

Is it weird that Tim reminds me of my dad in this scene? Doesn't help that it's hilarious, and my Dad's an ex-standup comic. Yes, I mean it. Never feed that man a straight line.

But this kid does look miserable. Poor thing looks like he'd rather be anywhere else than at a police station.

"This doesn't exactly feel like making dreams come true." "He looks like he hates us."

Because he does. He hates your guts. It's finally happened... someone hates Chenford.

And, I know in reality there's always someone who hates something. I hate mushrooms. My husband loves them. It does nothing to the mushroom's opinion of life that I don't want to eat it while Matthew does.

But the fact that this kid's literally mean-mugging Chenford had me rolling.

Also, Tim has his arm up on the counter before Lucy approaches. When she does, his arm moves out of the way so her arm can rest there. It's their dance—always making space for one another.

THEY LOST THE KID.

I wrote this over here, then glanced at Twitter and briefly wondered if we were going to have this as a trending topic because... oh my gosh, two cops just lost a kid.

And, look, kids can be sneaky. When my Eldest was 3, he decided to play Hide and Seek at 10PM and forgot to tell us.

We searched the entire house and were about to call 911 (even though he couldn't yet unlock the doors and they were all deadbolted shut) when I finally called out that we were going to throw away toys if he didn't come out.

He was standing on the sill of our bay window with the curtains almost flat against him because he was so tiny. I sobbed, hugged him, and told him that he couldn't play hide and seek without telling us first.

My kid didn't even mean to be sneaky. This kid clearly does.

"We didn't lose him. We misplaced him."

He's not a ballpoint pen, Timothy. You lost a person.

"How can you be so calm? What if this was your kid?"

The kid is inside a police station with lots of good people to watch out for him. Believe me, it could be worse.

"You know what, if we ever lose our kids, I'm gonna need you to take this a lot more seriously." "Hold up, our kids would know better than to pull a stunt like this."

Y'all expecting or something!?

And, no, this is not a question you should ever, ever ask anyone in real life no matter what.

I can't tell you how many times people asked, "Why aren't you pregnant, yet?" and I wanted to scream, "Because I don't ovulate, have a tilted sacrum, have endometriosis, and a preferential tube... but thanks for reminding me of the failed procedures, tests, and attempts at pregnancy. Really appreciate it."

But, since Tim and Lucy are fictional... I'm wondering if we're being set up for a surprise pregnancy.

Like, I think Lucy would definitely want to make her mark, first, with UC before purposefully conceiving. But, my mother knew a couple who twice got pregnant through three kinds of birth control used simultaneously. It can happen.

No matter what's coming down the line show-wise, I love how casually they are talking about it. This isn't a maybe for them, but an actuality. They truly believe that they will be parents together. And I believe it, too!

Tim remarks that they're doing well so far, and I wonder if something was cut for time. Maybe not, but it twinkles at my brain that I feel like I'm missing something.

Maybe that's just the fact I haven't had dinner, yet. Definitely missing some calories today! And Tim and Lucy are definitely missing their first kid together (second if we count Tamara).

"I found this kid wandering around and he said he belongs to you."

Their first time at a water park, this is so gonna happen. I can't tell you how many times I was on set, separated from my mother, and a random person would take one look at me and say, "Your mother's over there."

"He kept asking me what my childhood pet's name was."

This sounds like a scam. Like, remember the early days of the internet when we all did a/s/l? And then it evolved into these elaborate quizzes to post that were really data-mining schemes? Yeah... good times.

This kid's a walking BuzzFeed quiz. Beware, Aaron. Don't hit "submit"!

"What kinda kid doesn't like dogs?" "Tim."

I love her exasperation, here, but I also kinda want to write a love letter to Melissa O'Neil on all the different ways she says, "Tim" in this one episode.

I'll never forget this one actor on a movie my mother keyed who asked me to run lines with him. There was this short line he had me say over and over and over, again.

He was trying to get me to understand the many different ways you can say a line and how that can change its meaning. Kid-Rachel didn't quite get it, but adult Rachel looks back on that moment with fondness.

Melissa O'Neil really personifies that lesson in this episode. Here, Lucy's exasperated. Later, shocked and chastising. Later, still, enamored. It's one bloody word, "Tim", and yet her performance brings it to life in different ways every time. Beautiful.

THEY LOST THE KID, AGAIN

While I've been waxing poetic, Chenford's lost the damn kid, again!

"This is ridiculous."

Watching Tim and Lucy walking down the hall aghast and worried... Yup, this is totally their future. Tim's going to air-tag their kid to keep them from wandering off after this little experience.

Tim On One Knee

I know I wasn't the only Chenford-ian experiencing flash-forwards on that one. Also, the last time we saw Tim on his knees by the Shop he was looking for diamonds (also with Lucy). And now it's a kid.

Yes, this is reaching. Like, this is reaching past your cousin Burt to dip your latke in the applesauce reaching. But, come on, it's right there. I didn't even have to work for that parallel!

"I really hope you're enjoying your revenge for that Tim Test." "I'm really not. Come on."

And light-hearted as this adventure is, it's kinda perfect that Lucy's choice in "revenge" was something that would be helpful to someone else.

In an ideal situation, this kid would want to be here. And annoyed as Tim would be to lose his day, he would actually enjoy helping a kid. Because, Tim likes kids.

Lucy likes to screw with Tim. Not make his life (and hers, by extension, now) hell.

"If someone I worked for tried to put me in a wood chipper, I'd flip on them." "If someone you worked for tried to put you in a wood chipper, they'd be in the wood chipper."

I freakin love Angela. I know that this is a Chenford meta, but Nyla saying that was so badass and so true. My #3 is a fighter.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Ooooh, Tim broke out a curse word in front of a child. And, yeah, the kid broke into a secure police system, so it was warranted.

"Okay, do you even have cancer?" "Tim." "That part's true."

Look, it's out of line, but I totally get it. Tim doesn't trust people to begin with. He believes it has to be earned, but he cut this kid a break at the onset. Now, he realizes this kid played him and he's pissed.

But Lucy was right to call Tim out with a gentle admonishment using only his name because Melissa O'Neil if a rockstar who can convey all that with a single syllable.

"Okay, but you lied about wanting to be a cop." "Of course. Cops are whack."

The way I was rolling during that part. The way Tim and Lucy immediately look to one another? Priceless.

Also, Tim was kinda right. The kid does hate them.

"He said if I could figure out a way to get rid of his tickets, he'd buy me an ebike."

Asshole Dad. Poor kid. Like, yes, this kid is old enough to know the difference between right and wrong.

But so was Tim when he covered for his father's affair. These are children whose decisions are being influenced and informed by the adults around them.

"You are a criminal, Mr. Yates. And you made your son one, too."

I can't even imagine how hard this is. Because Jordy is a child, and he's already facing all the elements of childhood cancer. Adding charges on top of it?

And we all know that Tim won't charge the kid. But his dad's a different story. Tim has a problem with parents who hurt their children—be it physical or emotional.

"I can't go to jail. My family needs me."

This wordless communication is my favorite part of the entire episode.

At the beginning of their story, Tim and Lucy spoke completely different languages. Let's say Tim was barking in Latin and Lucy's finessed in French. There's enough root words to comprehend, but not truly understand one another.

Over time, they've learned one another's languages to the point that they don't even need words anymore. Tim has softened where Lucy has become more crisp and refined.

Lucy's look to Tim is a plea. There's so much to what this man is saying. Yes, he's clearly broken the law with all those parking passes, and then persuading his sick son to try to get rid of them.

But losing his license and car creates an added burden on this already-hurting family. This man is desperate. Dumb, yes. But desperate.

"His medical costs are killing us" struck me hard. On paper, my family looks good financially, right? But then there's the medical costs. Mine. My kids'. I'm on so many payment plans trying to stay on top of it.

So, an innocent bill might seem like nothing, but when paychecks are inconsistent and things break down one. after. the. other... it leaves us exposed. Matthew got a speeding ticket last month, and if not for his "taking no time off this month" bonus from the school, it wouldn't have been covered.

So, I get the fear and desperation. I'm just not as dumb as this guy.

Meeting her eyes, Tim's eyebrows shoot up. "Are you kidding me?" they say. In one look, he knows what she wants.

Look. How. Far. We've. Come.

It used to be that he was oblivious... then he would ask others how Lucy was. Then, he knew enough to ask her himself. He knew in a glance that something was on her mind, but didn't know what.

Now he knows what's on her mind. He knows exactly what she's thinking. At first he doesn't believe it. But he knows it.

He looks away, trying to decide how he's going to handle it. Then, he looks back to Lucy to confirm. She looks away, thinking she's pushed too hard, accepting whatever Tim decides.

Watch. Her. Listening when Tim tells Dumbass Dad he's not going to jail. Her eyes shift back up to him, grateful. Not only did her message get through, but Tim listened and took action.

They've come so far in their communication. But, Tim's also come far as a man.

He's always been a good cop. But he missed the human element, sometimes. He was afraid of it. Showing compassion made things worse, in his eyes.

And I'm not saying that we should just give every criminal a clean slate for no reason. But Tim made the compassionate choice, and I can only hope the Dumbass Dad makes the most of it.

"You're going to Daddy and Me Traffic school."

Can this really exist? Because it sounds a helluva lot more fun than the traffic school I had to go to back in the day. Yes, Rachel has a lead foot.

I got my first ticket on Thanksgiving when I was at university. My parents showed up to court to support me, and when the Judge noted them reacting to the cop's account, he called them out. They waved. He smiled. I got a reduced ticket.

So, the lesson of the story is that you can go fast and be okay if your parents are good enough actors.

"How can I make it up to you?" "Be a better father to your son."

Strong words from a man who will someday be an incredible father in spite of the monster who raised him, leaving him without example of what that looks like.

But Tim knows what a good father should be. Despite never having one himself, he knows. And while he'll make his own mistakes, he won't pass on the trauma to his children. He'll create an entirely new legacy of love. With Lucy's help, of course.

"Daddy and Me Traffic school sounds fun."

Whose desk Is this? Is this Lucy's desk? Is he doing paperwork out here because he doesn't want to go back to his office?

I'm sure there's a logistical reason why this scene happened where it did (maybe Tim's office can't fit three people... it is the size of a closet). But, when I fist saw him sitting there, I was confused for a second.

"It was a really nice gesture, Tim."

One word. Three letters. She's giving us a masterclass, folks. Rewatch it. You'll see.

"I wanted to throw that guy in jail for putting his son in that position." "But?" "You're a good influence."

Hell, yeah, she is. Lucy has helped Tim see pieces of himself that needed refining, but also the best of who he is. Part of what I love about this relationship is that even in the seasons when he was her superior officer, she matched him as an instructor.

They taught one another the whole way—Tim teaching Lucy to be a little more wary of the world, and Lucy teaching Tim to be a little more open. They're at their best when they meet in the middle.

"You're gonna make a really great dad one of these days."

Anyone else melt into a puddle? Or just me? I only recently re-congealed so I could write this thing.

There's such adoration in Lucy's eyes, because she's not just saying this to a coworker. She's saying this to the love of her life. Picturing him with their children, she's falling in love with him a little bit more.

And while I'm not in a rush for Chenford babies... I love that they're talking about it. That they are expecting it. That it's a part of the life they are building together.

Both of them were previously in relationships with no real future. No fulfilling one, anyway. This is the relationship neither knew they needed, but that's the proverbial Cinderella's glass slipper—a perfect fit.

"I'm gonna have to. You keep losing our kids everywhere you go." "Come on. Stop it!"

What did I just listen to!? Y'all are really tryin' to take me out with this one! But, seriously, much like the "gave me the will to live" line from 5x10, Tim is saying this strictly for Lucy's reaction.

It reminds me so much of my own relationship I could scream. Matthew and I constantly do that to one another. Mostly me, though. It's mostly on me. His reactions are so perfect!

I'm also getting major Double Date energy with the delivery of "Come on. Stop It." when we were all blessed with the Tale of Gerald the Goat. It's all in the delivery, and I love it.

Almost as much as I love Tim's real smile with teeth at Lucy's reaction. That smile is for her, and it's amazing.

Didn't expect to wrap this one so early, but loveyby went to bed early after getting our Littlest finally to bed.

I really am loving the journey Tim and Lucy are on. Were they the comic relief this episode? Yes. It's an ensemble show, and sometimes that's their role.

Am I trying to rush a pregnancy? No way. I know I called out the possibility of a surprise pregnancy in this Meta, but that's in no way scripture, here. It's simply a possibility.

But I do think these two are in a lovely place. And I'm so grateful neither has been dramatically killed off, yet. It's kinda nice to have a living, breathing ship! I'll try not to get used to it... just in case.

Side Note: Bristow earned her keep, so maybe it's a good thing Lopez didn't "get that woman out of [her] house". Made me chuckle when I watched thinking about it!

Thank you so much for reading! We have a bit of a hiatus, but we'll make it through together! One breath at a time.

[incomingalbatross]

Week Four of Commute Radio. This time I listened to a couple long items.

Lord of Spirits, specifically the "Land of Giants" episode. LONG. Very solid though. Clear and extensive answer to "what the heck are nephilim, then?" which goes beyond the basics into general Old Testament history. I found it convincing, and may come back for more episodes.

Swan Lake, Acts 2-4. Very good! Obviously not getting the full experience, since I can't track the story through the music alone, but I liked it and would listen again Also, *meme voice* was anyone going to tell me John Williams borrowed from Tchaikovsky or was I just supposed to listen to this myself.

Artifexian The second episode had less focus on actual worldbuilding, so I wasn't as interested, but it's still fun and I'll come back for more. Might start picking and choosing my episodes once I have a better grasp of their content, we'll see.

Sacred and Profane Love on "Transfiguring Love in the Brothers Karamazov." I haven't read it, but the episode was very good stuff.

Vivaldi's Four Seasons I have come to the conclusion that I like Vivaldi, which is nice to know. :) Also reminded that there's a Hayley Westenra song that borrows from this. I should listen to her stuff again.

Reply All Another glimpse into someone else's world via the medium of Odd Internet Things. Still interesting and entertaining!

Out Alive Again, a survival story like the last one. I think this podcast is probably a really good resource for getting some idea of how real people actually process near-death situations - during and after - which is something most of us probably don't encounter a lot in the wild.

Presidential John Adams! My fave. Not a lot of new information about him but I liked hearing it anyway. Also emphasis on his whole frenemy thing with Jefferson, which never gets old. (Though I have to register a complaint because they DID mention that the two died within hours of each other on July 4, but they DIDN'T mention the BET. Which I was waiting for!!)

The Good List Another Catholic-talks-about-good-things podcast I'm trying. Listened to an episode talking about Father Brown (not a deep dive, but nice), and half of an episode about morning routines (genuinely interesting, actually). Will keep trying this one, but I think it might be smart to skip ahead to when they changed the format and made them longer. Will see

[novelmonger]

For the ship ask, Ed & Winry, Aragorn & Arwen, and Steve & Sharon, please?

Ooh, nice variety! And I ship all of them ^_^

EdWin

What made you ship it?

You know, I actually can't remember when I first started shipping them? It just seemed so obvious they were meant to be, I guess XD Maybe it was in the Barry the Chopper episode in the first anime, when Ed goes to rescue Winry. But I love friends-to-lovers, so I would probably ship them even if it wasn't explicit in canon <3

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

I love how they're completely on the same wavelength in terms of "I will demonstrate how much I love you by yelling at you and beating you over the head" XD I love all those soft moments when they comfort and encourage each other, when they're there for each other. The way Winry doesn't have to pick up a gun and fight to support Ed and Al - and, in fact, she shouldn't! The way Ed looks to Winry as motivation to keep trying, to survive, to make sure he makes it back more or less in one piece. The promise about tears of joy, and the promise about apple pie. They're just so perfect for each other T^T

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Okay, I don't know if this is unpopular or not, but I have this little headcanon that Ed actually does settle down once he and Winry get married, despite how restless he usually is. Depending on what sort of job he gets after the main story, he might travel for work or research purposes or just to visit old friends, but he never stays away for very long. When it's just him and Winry, he might take her with him on his travels, and then after they have kids, maybe he takes them with him sometimes and sometimes leaves them at home. But the point is that, especially once he has his first child, he determines that he is going to make sure he's a constant presence in his children's lives, so they'll never have to experience what he and Al did.

Aragorn/Arwen

What made you ship it?

Mostly because it's canon. I don't have many strong opinions about the relationship, sorry.

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

There is a certain legendary quality to their relationship, hearkening back to the whole Beren and Luthien thing. I also really appreciate Aragorn's tenacity in pursuing Arwen, despite all the obstacles in their way, and how willing Arwen is to love him back, despite what it means for her mortality.

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

The kissing scene in the TTT movie is completely unnecessary, too long, and should have been cut. Fight me. Is that an unpopular opinion? I don't know, but it's one I'll be taking to my grave!

Staron

What made you ship it?

I can't really remember what I first thought of them, but I think it was probably something like, "Aw, they're cute, lookit them :3" And then in CW, I was like, "Yessss, I like this! They work really well together!"

But you know what tipped me over the edge into a feral Staron shipper? I don't think it was the first time, but one of the other times I went to see CW in the theater (I went to see it every weekend it was showing ^^'), during the credits I was sitting there enjoying my thoughts and waiting for the credits scene, when I heard two girls sitting in front of me talking about the movie. When Emily Van Camp's name came up on the screen, one of the girls said, "Ugh, I hate her, she's so ugly and annoying." Right then and there, I said to myself, "Oh yeah? Well, just to spite you, I have just now decided that I love Sharon Carter to death! >:(" Which was only exacerbated when, later that week, I saw an article somewhere about the whole "give Cap a boyfriend" thing, that said Steve and Sharon had no chemistry. (insert baffled animated Legolas face here - um, are we even watching the same movie, person?! o.0) And the more I thought about Sharon, the more I realized how great she is and how perfect for Steve!

(Note: Powerbroker!Sharon is a Sharon from another timeline and is not relevant to this discussion XD)

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

I love how simple and straightforward it is. There's not a ton of drama between them, it's just sweet and understated and cute. The kissing scene is so sweetly simple and beautifully done! (The exact opposite of the TTT AragornXArwen scene!) I love that little interaction in the hallway before Steve discovers who she is. I love their conversation after Peggy's funeral (especially the deleted scene!). I love the way Sharon keeps helping Steve and the others, even though it gets her into trouble. I love how, when Steve points this out, she just says simply, "I know."

Annnnd I have a ton of headcanons about how their relationship goes and stuff in Sharon's past, but that's fanfic territory ^^'

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Lol, I think shipping them at all is an unpopular opinion :P Maybe my unpopular opinion is that I do ship Steve with Peggy in the 1940s, but then I ship him with Sharon in the 21st century. Sharon is right for Steve right now because of the ways he's changed. I expect it's unpopular to acknowledge that people don't just have one perfect person for them, but rather a whole host of people they could have a successful relationship with if they commit to it. So yeah, Steve could have married Peggy and lived a full, happy life with her if things had gone differently...but that doesn't mean he can't also have a long, loving, beautiful relationship with Sharon now.

Ship Ask Game

[deaneverafter]

The Woods Are Lovely, Dark and Deep

Sometimes I write opinion piece essays about my thoughts. Sometimes, you get to relive me freaking out through a transcript of my tweets. Cheers, here's to this week's episode 🥂

Ugh, they did not just give me hope that Mark would survive, only to kill him off again! 😱🤦🏻‍♀️ And man, the poor guy was lying there in agony for a whole day? That just...... that hurt

Beau Arlen has my whole heart, he truly does. The way he can find joy in something so little as eating a good sandwich..... how can you not love someone so full of life?

Out of the whole precinct, it's Jenny whom Beau wanted to taste the sandwich he loved, and I am having An Emotion™️* about it 🥺💕 (this is a lie, I'm having a lot of emotions about it)

Beau really said "I will get Jenny to deal with her Tonya beef one way or another, if a direct approach doesn't work, I'll approach it a different way", and I respect that so much

Going to take a moment to say that as much as I dislike Tonya as a person for her backstabbing and criming, as a character, I'm enjoying her new sassy side. She's still my enemy, because if Jenny got beef with you, I got beef with you. But she's funny

Jenny's hair this episode 😍 (Jenny's hair every episode 😍, but this episode particularly was so much hair inspo)

Why is Beau so cute, even doing something as small as getting winded climbing a mountain trail? 🥺 And him being like "yes, this is a tantrum", it's okay, bb, you're entitled to it 💛

I love these reminders of what a badass Jenny is, the way she took down the would-be assassin even though it ended with her on the cell floor, truly iconic, we stan 👑✊🏻

Beau is such a cute dad, but why is Emily so mean and dismissive towards him? We should all be so lucky to have a dad who cares that much, instead of acting annoyed and so uppity about it 🙄

Beau looks so angry dealing with Avery, and all I want out of this storyline is Avery and Carla turning out to be involved in shady things and Beau getting to arrest Avery and Jenny getting to arrest Carla. I want that vindication

Jenny trying to explain what happened whilst he was gone, and Beau really said, yes, it's a mess, but no, you don't need to explain, I trust you and I got your back 🥺✊🏻💕

Beau and Jenny together convincing the guy to go to the government, that they'd protect him, working to protect hundreds of people, that's why they're the best, because they'll both do everything they can to protect people. And then proceeding to go above and beyond sending a tail, effectively thwarting a second attempt at the guy's life, because they care that much and are that good at their jobs

The two sheriffs and their trusty sidekick 🥺👌🏻 Your faves could never 🤷🏻‍♀️

Looks like the stepdad is a snoop too. I see where Emily learned her snooping and eavesdropping tendencies from. I was going to say how does she not know it's wrong, but now we know why 😬🤦🏻‍♀️

I absolutely adore how in sync Beau and Jenny are, entering that house following the whistleblower and the corrupt marshal. They work so well together and they've got each other's backs 🥺✊🏻

No, but you guys don't understand how long I've been waiting to see him in am FBI-esque bullet proof vest...... 🥺🥰🔥💯

The way Jenny gasped his name when she thought he was in danger or something had happened to him..... that wasn't your usual level of "concern for a coworker" 💕👀

The way Beau is such a multifaceted and complex character, a clear example being the way he's such a badass, knocking down doors, but also right after, being so gentle with the witness lady, it has me in my feels 🥺

You mean to tell me that Beau and Jenny stopped at the grocery store to buy housewarming presents for Cassie together? 💕🥺

Beau bringing salt to keep the house protected from demons had me tearing up and beaming at the same time. Dean 💘😭

Beau in one layer, in that cozy shirt 🥰👀😍😎 (That's it, that's the tweet, hashtag, thirsty on main (in my defense, I am sorry, hashtag, take me to jail, Sheriff)

I love how comfortable Beau and Jenny are together on Cassie's couch 🥰🥺💘💕

And I love how comfortable they all are together (the mismatched glasses just add the perfect touch, because it makes it more real that she's just moved in, but also, a callback to movie night) 😌

Jenny trying to be there for Beau when he's clearly upset and worried is something that is so close to my heart (and I look forward to the roles reversing when next episode it's Jenny who's upset and emotional about her mother). But he looked so sad and like he was about to cry, and I- I just want to give him a hug and protect him from all the heartache 😭

Beau with his funny stories and his witty remarks, his compassion and his drive to protect and to be there for his friends and loved ones, and his intelligence and competence, he has my whole heart 💟 And Beau with his sparkling green eyes, and his sun bleached hair and his ruffly haircut 🥺🥰😌❤ He really is the most beautiful human to walk on this earth. I love him so much, if something happens to him........

[fandomfairyprincess24601]

Coping with depression: please disregard. I need to keep my hands busy so these are some ways that I cope with my depression. I've been masking and avoiding it for about three weeks now but I need to let it out now so I don't overwhelm myself.

Recognizing my warning signs

- Heavy feeling which makes it difficult to move without wanting to sit down and give up

- Crying spells

- Having the same thought over and over again

- "Am I alright?"

- Smiling takes so much energy.

- so does changing my tone and trying to be expressive

- This dead feeling, like all of my energy is too stagnant to vibrate and I can't feel myself living, I only feel nothing

- Irritability

-Shortness of breath which leads to a panic spell

- Dancing/working out as a punishment for not being good enough instead of doing it for fun

- Hesitation with falling asleep because I don't want to wake up again

- Thinking about how much I would miss my dogs and the people in my life

- Crying when my dogs look at me because I never want them to think I abandoned them.

- Realizing that if my dogs could understand that I feel that I'm too broken to keep going, I would go.

REFLECTION: things I remember from my last attempt

- Remembering how badly I just wanted to see my pink glittery bedroom again in while I was in the hospital.

- Remembering how much I cried whole saying goodbye

- The stomach pain

- Induced vomiting for 1 hour

- Blood drawn very hour or two

- Having to ask my male nurse to take me to the bathroom every few minutes

- An IV in each arm

- Kidney damage

- my arms being purple and green for weeks from the blood draws and IV drips

- How scared I was when they tried to send me to a stay in center

- The humiliation when friends came to visit

- My the two friends I too ashamed to speak to anymore because they drove me to the hospital

- The wheelchair

- Going back to my apartment and hiding from my roomates

- The stares

- The elephant in the room

🧎🏽‍♀️ conclusion

I hate waiting for my brain chemistry to go back to normal but I've gotten so much better at telling myself that just because I feel out of control doesn't mean I actually am.

Things I can control

- my environment, neat, messy, whatever. It's in my control

- my intentional thoughts. So my brain is telling me I'm worthless and I'll never be anything in life. K cool bitch, but I'm a princess and I've had a million successes and I'm overdue for a million more. I would fight my thoughts before

"You're worthless."

"No I'm not"

And then my thoughts would spiral and I would find evidence to support the negativity. So I don't argue anymore.

"You're worthless"

"I'm so blessed. I'm so loved and adored, I'm literally treasure."

I don't have to believe it. I just repeat it

- keeping a journal and notebooks around at all times. I have self destructive tendencies, especially during episodes so I need to write to keep my hands busy. I write about anything I want in my journal and typically short self indulgent stories in my notes app. Or I come here and read fanfiction or type all night like this so I won't hurt myself.

- saying no. I want to punish myself for these inadequate feelings by making myself practice all night. I've danced until my feet bled and there were bruises all over my legs before. It was so painful. I made myself dance in 100+ degree weather on gravel without shoes just to punish myself. I don't dance if I'm feeling upset with myself. I'll dance when I feel sad or numb, but not during moments of irritation.

My eyes are closing, it is 2 AM and I don't need to keep my hands busy since I'm falling asleep. Survived another night. I'm proud of that. And now I'll post this and sleep. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better. If not, I'll come back to type :)

[enhypia]

HS ; couples

couples answers questions with the choice of drinking instead of answering

pairings: lee heeseung x gn!reader

genre: fluff, angst if you squint really hard

words: roughly 1.4k

masterlist ⸺ series masterlist

~guides and warnings~

italics - reader speaking

bold - heeseung speaking

[enclosed] - interviewer speaking

italicized bold - both reader and heeseung speaking

[enclosed bold or italics] - question (depends on who's speaking)

heavily inspired by: rec.create lie detector games, cut truth or drink

warning: contains and mentions of !!! drinking, swearing

i don't promote underage drinking, save your livers

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

hi! i'm (y/n)

hello, my name is heeseung!

and we're together

we're couples!

[you guys were invited here today as couples for a fun little drinking game, you guys were aware of that right?]

yes

we are

[okay, for this game, questions will be asked and if you refuse to answer, you drink, it's that simple. should we start?]

let's go, i can't wait to drink

so you won't be answering the questions?

i mean, it's free alcohol

*hee shakes his head in disbelief

[how long have you been together?]

we actually just had our 3rd anniversary last week

so 3 years now <33

[how did you two meet?]

pffft- *(y/n) laughs

can we just choose pass

shot!

*hee offers the shot glass to (y/n) and both take a shot, laughing after

we're drinking this early on damn

we met through a mutual friend

i was brought as a wingman

i think you can guess how it went

[but how did you guys become a couple?]

we got closer after meeting and i think it was obvious to the both of us that we were interested in each other

yeah but it still took a lot in me to ask you out

he stuttered the first time he asked me on a date

did i?

*(y/n) laughs at the memory

you went "hey, so uh you wa-"

*hee cuts (y/n) off by squishing their cheeks

we don't need a reminder

*(y/n) swats his hand away

but it was cute, don't worry

*(y/n) pats his head making heeseung smile

[okay, how about we officially start the game now?]

*both nod and played rock paper and scissors to determine who gets to ask first, (y/n) wins

*(y/n) reads the card and chuckles

[was it love at first sight?]

it wasn't

like i said, i was supposed to be a wingman so in my head, they were already off limits

i don't believe in love at first sight so *(y/n) shrugs

[do you have/did you have doubts with us being together?]

goddamn *(y/n) drinks

*heeseung is wide-eyed

no honey, not like that, i will answer, it's just that i need the alcohol boost

*the shock goes away

i was about to shed tears not gonna lie

*(y/n) rolls their eyes

when i agreed to becoming heeseung's significant others, i had no doubts, i knew what i felt was true and i knew his was too. the doubts were mainly on myself?? like "what if he just wakes and he doesn't love me anymore" but everyday heeseung proves to me that that will never happen

*(y/n) smiles at heeseung

*heeseung looks away trying to hide the smile and blush appearing on his face and he takes a shot refusing to meet (y/n)'s eyes

*(y/n) picks up a card and laughs

[if i become a zombie and had to eat people to survive, would you stick by side?]

heeseung gets scared easily i don't think he will

but if it's you...

*(y/n) raises an eyebrow

wait let me think about this more clearly

see! *(y/n) laughs

*heeseung continues to think

omg just say no!

but it's you !!!

i know it's me but baby we both know you'll run the other way once i start to eat people

...... you still love me right?

yes heeseung, i still love you

*hee :D

okay! next question!

*he picks up a card and laughs

oh i like this one.

[would you date any of my friends?]

*(y/n)'s mouth drops in shock

*(y/n) ultimately decides to play with heeseung

i mean.. *(y/n) reaches for a shot

*the grin on his face disappears

yah!

*(y/n) bursts into giggles and takes a shot

yah~ !!

[would YOU date any of my friends?]

*hee's eyes narrows and takes a shot for revenge

*both laugh at their antics

the answer is no guys, i love his friends but they're pretty much like annoying siblings

sorry (y/n)'s friends, (y/n) is the only one for me

but i'm pretty sure someone who used to be in my circle would jump at the chance

really ?? who ??

*(y/n) gives the look

AH! -

*scene cuts as he says a name

moving on.

*(y/n) picks up a card and laughs

[do you wish i offered to pay for more dates?]

MAN I WISH I COULD PAY MORE ON DATES

i like paying for our dates, but arguing with them is hard

yeah there was one time we spent 10 minutes bickering about who will pay, so we just made an agreement

we take turns per month, like for this month i'm the one paying for all the dates, then on the next month (y/n) will be paying

but everytime it's his month, he always tries to go out a lot, and when it's my month he opts to stay in

hehe

hEHE ??

*heeseung picks up a card and reads the question intently

*he is in deep thought

what is it?

[will you agree to an open relationship?]

ohhh

open relationship is when it's okay if you see other people right?

yup and i don't think i'd agree to it. you?

me as well

sorry im selfish, heeseung is mine, i do not share ;)

*heeseung laughs

yeah, sorry it's not for me, i don't think i can stomach seeing another one hold (y/n) , find your own

*(y/n) raises glasses to cheers and both take a shot

[it's okay not to drink if you answer]

yeah we know

but it's free alcohol

and drinking makes it more fun

*they hi-five

okay! next question,

[if i had to move away for many years, would you wait for me?]

yes.

wow no hesitations

yes i would wait for you

*(y/n) :O

yes

okay we get it

*they laugh

but i will, you're worth waiting for

your patience says otherwise

are you doubting my ability to wait?

do you hear yourself when you're playing?

that's with games, you're not a game, you're not something i play

*(y/n) blushes making heeseung laugh

shut up okay i get it

i also do not actually trust my patience

SEE ?!

*heeseung bursts out laughing

so instead of waiting i'd probably just go to them and/or visit them a lot

or just move in with me

*(y/n) avoids heeseung's stare

is this still related to the question or the present

huh? *(y/n) acts clueless

WAIT-

*camera cut

*we see both of them sporting a blush with big smiles on their face, and the alcohol evidently lessened

[freestyle! ask any question you want]

wah, i don't know what to ask

*he is thinking, everybody shut up

just keep it simple

no i want it to be hard

i can just actually follow the rules and drink instead of answering

*hee pouts

no you won't

*(y/n) :P

okay!

[did you like ... when we first met?]

oh the 'friend'?

yeah

*(y/n) drinks

*heeseung :O

*(y/n) xD

no heeseung, i did not like them, i really just saw them as a friend

ohh ouch sorry buddy

*they share a laugh

oh it's the last one

[question for both: what does loving each other feel like?]

awww that's a cute one, i'll go first

loving heeseung feels like the comfort your favorite songs bring you. it feels like the excitement you get whenever your favorite show releases a new episode. it's the deep sigh in content you release whenever you smell your favorite scent. it's just, loving him feels like everything your favorites make you feel.

*heeseung is not tearing up, definitely not, that's just sweat, he is also 100% not blushing, it's just hot

*he takes a shot and (y/n) laughs at his antics

now how am i supposed to beat that?!

let me be more romantic gosh

respectfully, no.

*both laugh

okay uhh, loving (y/n) feels like riding a rollercoaster. from all the emotions while waiting in line to exiting the ride. loving them is like the feeling of hitting a high note you previously couldn't. it's winning multiple prizes at the arcade. loving (y/n) is like the softness of a sunrise and the absolute wonder in staring at a night sky.

*(y/n) takes a shot not even bothering to hide their blush

why are we so cheesy and poetic when we're intoxicated damn

*heeseung laughs and agrees

forgive us if we're cringey

not our fault you're single

heeseung! :O

*he stays unapologetic

and that's it!

thank you for having us~

bye~

»————-　♡　————-«

bonus: youtube comments

masterlist ⸺ series masterlist

a/n: sorry this took so long, i caught up with everything i missed in my classes, i'll try to update the series more frequently. i will also be posting timestamps later since it's been days since i last posted. i hope you also like this one!! jay's will be posted next, please look forward to it <33

[dancingazaleas]

𖨆. 01 / all for us

summary: you wake up in a room that seems to be made specifically for you. as it turns out, it is made for you. you find that out when levi ackerman and erwin smith come in to the room and admit you aren’t allowed to leave. how are the first few days?

word count: +2.0k

warnings/notes: cursing, mentions of drugging, mentions of kidnapping, slight manipulation, abuse, violence, and starvation

YOU never thought that you would end up as a canary. a pretty yellow bird with dark dull eyes as you sat in a cage, a trap.

it all started when you met him. the devil incarnate. erwin smith.

he was charismatic young man, sitting at the age of 35 as he held the title of a prosecutor in court. you find it ironic, he puts vile criminals into jail but overlooks himself, the most vile of them all.

he met you at a café. the coffee beans were grinding in the machine at the counter, you remember how you relished in the smell.

when he first caught sight of you, you were scribbling on notebook paper with a nice black ballpoint pen. the gold framing of the pen shined in the light as you twirled it between your fingers. you looked slightly frazzled, but also at ease; something erwin was not used to seeing. you had white earbuds with the slight appearance of brown on the cords in your ears, hooked up to a laptop that you would occasionally glance at.

erwin thought you were a beauty.

you remember how he sat across from you, smoothly initiating a conversation with you. he was delighted to find out that you were a pianist along with a violinist, he loves classical music. you explained to him that you were struggling to create a song for your performance the next week, that all the music notes were just starting to contort into doodles.

when he helped you, that's when you felt grateful. you remember how he mentioned his partner, levi ackerman, and his own enjoyment of the piano. he asked for your number along with the venue where you would be performing.

you gave him the information easily, seemingly ecstatic about someone coming to your performance.

the next week after your performance, you met levi. he was curt and blunt, his difference from erwin had almost given you whiplash. luckily, you learned to adapt and you even would quip back at him playfully. it managed to make him smile, just a little. you enjoyed his company just as much as you did erwin's, something the two of them were happy about.

it wasn't until weeks later of hanging around them that it all went downhill. you went drinking with the two of them, easily complying to levi's request to drink more and more of your alcoholic beverage. it was the last drink that had you realizing that no other drink you had ever had was salty like this. you collapsed shortly after.

you remember waking up in a room, decorated to accommodate you and your interests. there was a white bookshelf that had gold framing splayed onto it with a vast selection of novels. there were three soft and plush chairs by the bookshelf with a soft rug underneath. a small coffee table sat in the middle of the rug.

there was a large bay window with a gorgeous view of a colorful and bio-diverse garden. cushions and throw pillows were placed onto the windowsill, another place for you to sit. the bed you'd awoken in was a queen, heavy cotton sheets messily spread across the bed. around the the room and even on the ceiling were soft yellow lights disguised as vines. directly across from the bed was a vanity and above that hung a nice flat screen TV. the night stands beside your bed held lamps and small knick knacks that you could entertain yourself with.

there were three doors. one to the left of your bed, one to the right of your bed, and one to the right of your television. you found out later that the one by your television was a small bathroom with nothing but a toilet and sink. the door to your right side of the bed was a walk-in closet that was decorated in clothing you'd never be able to afford.

you remember how after that, levi and erwin barged in as you panicked and started to pace around the room. you remember defying them, cursing them, hitting them, kicking them, and even spitting at them.

with a silent look from levi, erwin's distraught face turned slightly sad. his eyes were misty as he shuffled himself outside of the room. when levi's knee came into contact with your face, you realized why. especially whenever the gushing of blood dripped out of your nose and his voice screamed that none of this was their fault, but your's instead.

but now, levi was once again punishing you. you hadn't meant to do it. you hadn't meant to slap erwin. while you had a panic attack, your muscles thrashed without your command and you ended up slapping erwin across his face. you were secretly satisfied when you saw the pained look he gave you, but it immediately turned to dread whenever levi's rough hands pulled at your hair.

he's kicking you once again, and he occasionally accompanies it with a harsh slap.

"i didn't mean to, i didn't mean to!!!" your sobs sound so broken as you land on your side from levi kicking you.

levi ignores you, forcing you to stare at erwin, who sits at the door of your bed with that same neutral look sprinkled with pain.

"please!!!" you plead as you squeeze your eyes shut, "please, i didn't mean to!! i didn't meant to hit him!!"

levi stops his assaults, staring at your cowering form from above. the collar around your neck connected with chains clang against each other as you wearily raise your head.

erwin and levi are expecting a small whimper of pleas, but instead they watch as you slam your head against the hardwood floor. it has you reeling but even so, you continue. you're slipping into another violent mental breakdown, head banging against the floor as your other hand punches at your hipbone continuously.

your teeth are gritted as you start banging your ankle against the ground.

within seconds, levi and erwin are moving you onto your bed and holding down your thrashing limbs. they're murmuring sweet nothings to you, a hand on your forehead holding your head down against the pillow. you sob out again, entering the stage of hyperventilation and wails. erwin is crying along with you while levi just reminds you to breathe.

levi's hands are pressing your's on his chest and over his heart. his heartbeat guides you into stable breathing. when you've calmed down, you enter the shutdown stage.

"there we go," erwin praises and strokes a thumb against your cheekbone, "back to breathing."

levi stares at his boyfriend, who’s muttering something in your ear, but turns his attention back to you whenever you let out a small grunt.

"she wants to watch a movie," erwin says, pressing kisses to your cheek.

"any movie in particular? if not, i'll put on scooby doo; i remember you saying that it comforted you once," he grumbles while he turns on the television.

you don't answer, unsurprisingly, and levi puts on 'what's new, scooby doo?' for you. levi lays back next to you, cuddling into your warm and unmoving body.

it takes two episodes of watching the show for you to start letting out small, yet forced, giggles at some parts of the show. it takes two more for you to be able to speak again.

"food," that's all you said.

erwin shakes his head and wags a finger, "how do you ask properly?"

"can i have some food, please," you sound so tired.

the two men nod and leave your room to get you a meal. you sit up quietly and look down to your hands. they always left your hands untouched, seemingly trying to protect them from the abuse that levi would put onto you.

"stupid, fucking stupid," you spat, "this is their fault, not mine. their fault, their fault, their fault."

you drill the words into your head, but are soon interrupted whenever erwin enters the room with a tray of food.

"you're even sitting up now," he acknowledges while he puts the tray on the bed in front of you.

you thank him quietly and try to ignore the large hand stroking your hair.

"i love you," he doesn't. you don't do this to those you love. zeke never did this to you.

erwin frowns at your silence, hand now tilting your face to look at him. instead of love, your eyes were filled to the brim with hatred.

"you'll come to love us soon enough," he has no ounce of emotion on his face as his finger softly rubs against your skin.

"i doubt it," you mumble and force your face out of his hand. you just want to eat.

when you look down at the tray, you notice the absence of forks and knives. it has your stomach dropping.

"i'm feeding you," erwin says, fork between his long fingers, "we can't trust you with knives just yet."

erwin stabs the fork into cut up chicken breast on your plate, holding it up to your chapped lips. you stare at the food, had it been drugged?

"i don't want to be fed."

"that's too bad. you're being fed anyway, we can't trust you with forks either just yet," he grabs ahold of your jaw and forces your head to turn towards him.

his thumb and index finger squeeze your cheeks, forcing your mouth open with ease. you jerk away at the food suddenly being forced down your throat, hacking as if you were trying to get it up.

"let me chew first," you cough, handing reaching to touch gently at your adam's apple.

erwin doesn’t respond, opting to put another piece of the food onto the fork. he holds it out towards you, patiently waiting for you to stop choking and to eat again. you clear your throat, the idea of willingly letting erwin feed you makes you sick. you don't want to submit.

"i won't eat anything if you don't let me use the fork myself," you feel a headache coming on, fingers now pressing against your temples.

"then i guess you just won't eat," he says with a hint of sadness, taking the tray back into his hands.

you're so hungry. and the smell of the grilled chicken breast with a side of mashed potatoes isn't helping. you don't want to submit. you can't submit, you won't survive.

"guess that's settled then," you flop back down onto your back.

it wasn't the answer or reaction that erwin was expecting, judging by his widened eyes and stiff posture. he relaxes as he shakes his head in disapproval, walking out of the room and locking the door behind him.

you stare blankly at the ceiling while trying to ignore the growling of your stomach. your head hurts from the lack of food, another thing you're trying to ignore.

you turn on your side, but immediately cry out in pain. levi's earlier assault was starting to form bruises on your body, and the idea that you couldn't even curl into a ball made you want to cry. you hiss when you shuffle back onto your back, ignoring the searing pain that shoots through your ribs and sides.

your eyelids feel heavy after you settle down for a while, finally able to ignore all of the pain you've endured.

————

when you wake up, it's raining. there's not much natural light coming into your room, which you're okay with.

a pang of pain shoots through your head when you sit up, hands immediately grabbing at your hair and nails digging into your scalp. the tugging of your hair made your headache a little more bearable even if it was for a second.

the sound of your stomach growling and chains clinking echos through the quiet room, causing you to look down at your stomach. the chains are cold against your skin, tiny shivers spreading across your stomach.

you sigh and get yourself out of the bed. you walk to your bathroom, peeing with your face buried in your hands on the toilet. you ignore the fluorescent lights, which make your head hurt worse, and wash your hands aggressively.

you look up in the mirror as you do so, but you wish you hadn't. your eyes were puffy from the tears you shed yesterday and there's now a bruise on your swollen cheek from levi's smacking. you hold back the urge to punch the mirror, instead wiping your hands off with a towel and chucking it at the wall. you slam the door behind you and start to walk pass the three chairs meant for you, erwin, and levi. a wave of dizziness has you stopping and holding onto it, eyes instinctively squeezing shut.

when it passes, you grab a book and a throw blanket that's sat on top of one of the chairs. you settle onto the cushions of the bay window, taking a moment to stare at the rain falling.

you open the book, 'perks of being a wallflower', and find yourself lost in the words.

it's when levi comes in with a tray of food that you realize an hour or so has passed. he looks shocked to see you sitting and reading in silence, checking his watch as if he were making sure he didn't wake up late.

"got you food since erwin had to go to work. it's belgium waffles with some fruit and bacon on the side," he sits down next to your, now, curled up legs and puts the tray on the opposite side of him.

you wince at the mention of food and at curling your legs close. it doesn't go unnoticed.

"maybe if you didn't act out you wouldn't be in so much pain now," he says, holding out a piece of the waffle and a hand under to make sure the syrup doesn't drip onto the blanket.

"i'm not going to be fed. i'm not a child," you stare at the food.

"you're going to starve to death if you don't eat. quit being stubborn and fucking eat. i don't feel like cleaning up a body," he snarls and you resist the urge to kick his hand away.

"if you let me feed myself, i'll eat. then, you won't have to worry about digging me a hole."

"you haven't earned that privilege. we feed you for now."

"then i guess i don't eat," your eyebrows are furrowed as you stare at him.

"you're stupid. you'll end up dying."

"rather die than be fed like a child."

"you've got some pride. maybe i can beat it out of you," he drops the fork onto the plate.

"if you beat me anymore then you might actually have to worry about a body," you avert your eyes back to your book.

"if it's what needs to be done," he crosses his arms, "speaking of bodies, your's reeks."

"i don't have a shower in my bathroom, i can't help you with that issue," you shrug and flip the page.

"you can."

"i'm not letting you bathe me either. i'm not stupid. if you're feeding me then you're obviously going to be bathing me."

he chuckles a little at your defiance, but you know it's forced. you can smell the frustration on his body and your ego inflates knowing that you're the one who got him to be like that.

"when you decide you want to live, knock at the door and call for me," he grabs the tray and leaves the room, once again locking the door behind him.

"i can wait eight more days before i die."

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Love On-Set (Pt. 01 of 10)

Pairing: Dacre Montgomery X Reader

Word count: 3K

Next part (02) ->

Summary: You knew acting on Stranger Things season 3 would be a challenge, and you also knew, from the start, you'd have to work closely with Dacre Montgomery. But is wasn't a big deal for you, since this is your job and you're determined to act professionally. You had it all figured out, or so you thought, until the moment you were out face to face with Dacre. Then, this job became a lot harder than it was supposed to be, since you can't seem to focus whenever you're around Dacre. And you'll have to be around him a lot until the end of production.

{Dacre Montgomery Masterlist}

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

×

First Sight

The minivan stops right before entering the set as the driver speaks with one of the security guards. A huge structure was built around the area, and if it wasn't for the strong lights, you'd be in complete darkness. It's late at night, but yet, there are some journalists and a lot of cameras. They immediately surround the car, trying to see who's inside.

“Vicki, do you think I should go out and talk to them?” You decide to ask her first, because you're not as known as the other actors, and you're not sure if they'd want to talk to you.

“Sure. But don't take long.” She nods, touching the drive's shoulder and telling him to wait.

Taking a deep breath, you push the door open, a smile on your face as the cameras quickly find you. Running a hand through your hair, to make sure it's not messed up, you take in all the microphones and smartphones pointed at your face.

“(Y/N), could you answer some questions?” A short, dark-haired guy asks, a camera flashing.

“It depends on the question, but I'll try my best.” This seems to please them, and you wonder if the others couldn't afford a few minutes.

“Your posted on your Instagram account that you were a Stranger Things fan from season one.” A woman asks. “How was the transition from being a fan to acting on the show?”

“It was fantastic.” The first season of the show was still driving people crazy when you got the call for an audition for the role of Amy Whitehall, for seasons two and three. Vicky, you have no idea how, got in touch with some friends when she heard they were searching of someone with physical traits similar to yours. Thankfully, the audition went well and you got the job. “It's an honor to be part of this masterpiece. The only bad part is that now I have some spoilers.”

“Your character's scene by the end of season two had any interaction with Billy Hargrove, Hawking's bad boy. Does that mean she'll be in any kind of relationship with him?”

For that, you have to think, careful not to say anything that will expose the plot.

People are very interested in Billy, not sure exactly where the character will go from now on, after his introduction on season two. He stole many hearts, for love or hate, dividing opinions. And your character had a short appearance by very end of the last episode, shown in an interaction with him. On her way to the ball, to help Nancy, Billy almost runs her over with his car, after dropping his sister. They had a small dialogue, him asking her to get out of the way and her telling him to look where he was going. Then a pause, a little bit of tension, and that was it.

“I'm not allowed to answer that, but Amy's scene was just an introduction. Her character will be around throughout season three.” Offering another smile, you turn around, giving attention to someone else.

“What will be a new threat? The season finale raised a lot of questions about–”

“Excuse me, excuse me.” Vicky pokes her head out, a hand raised. “I'm sorry, but we have to get going.”

“Aright.” You mumble. “Thank you, guys. Bye.” Politely, you wave at the reporters before going back into the van.

You're soon moving again, leaving the entrance behind and driving in darkness for some minutes before more lights come into your sight until they're all around you. The set was built around a piece of the road, where you already shot earlier this week.

“C'mon, (Y/N). Hair and make-up." Vicky urgers, stepping out of the van with you.

You easily find your way around the set, chatting with people as they do your hair and put the makeup on. There will be a tiny cut above your left eyebrow, and Ron, the guy who always take care of the fake wounds around here, takes only fifteen minutes to get it done. Once you're ready, Vicky guides you to the filming area, and you sit on your chair a few feet away, under one of the many huge tents scattered around the place.

“Hi.” Someone says, and you abruptly look up from your phone, finding your co-star. The only co-star of the day, Dacre. He's already full Billy, with the mullet wig and the leather jacket. “I didn't mean to startle you. Just thought I'd come to say hello before the scene.”

You haven't properly spoken to Dacre. The single scene you made was quick, one of the last, and the set was a mess. So you didn't have the chance to talk, and ever since, you haven't crossed paths with him. But today's scene is all about your characters. Amy's first appearance on season three will have her running from something in the woods, the Mind Flayer, and she crashes her car on Billy's, while he's on the way to meet Mrs. Wheeler. That's it for today, their first meeting.

“Hi.” Smiling back, you shake his hand. “I'm (Y/N).” You decide to remind him.

“I know.” He simply says. “Do you want to go over the lines before the real thing?”

He has such a nice voice, it's impressive. You've watched some of his movies, and he's really good. It's not like you haven't acted before, but nothing so important or famous as Stranger Things. You can't help but be a little nervous. “Sure.” Blocking your phone, you stand up, leaving it on your seat.

“Alright. Let's–”

“(Y/N)! Dacre! It's time, c'mon!” The director calls, cutting you off.

“Guess we'll go straight to the real thing,” Dacre says as you start making your way to where the cars are positioned.

Billy's Camaro and Amy's light green Toyota are placed a few inches apart, the front part already wrecked and a light smoke coming off from under the hood.

“The mechanism will push the cars on each other and the rest you already know.” Your stylist comes to check on you one last time, making sure everything is perfect. When she steps away, you get inside the car.

A few days ago you shot Amy's way over here, driving insanely fast, running from the shadows creeping. Most of the scenes where Amy will be alone were already made since there weren't many. She will be around the others a lot, as the events are unrevealed.

Once you're in the car, you take your time to get into character, ignoring the orders being yelled outside. The lights are turned off, and the road before you is almost completely dark.

“Let's get it started, everyone!” The director shouts. “Action!”

At his command, the car jerks forward.

Letting your head fall on the wheel, you breathe fast, wide eyes acknowledging what just happened, the crash, the smoke, the other car that collided with yours. Looking over your shoulder, you imagine, you picture it coming, moving through the threes, growing closer.

“What the hell!” The voice yells as you try to make your car start again, uselessly. “You could've killed me!”

“Damn it.” Cursing under your breath, overcome by terror, you step out of the car, running around it and into the other one, which is still working, opening the passenger door and rushing inside.

“What do you think you're doing? Get the hell out of my car!” Dacre shouts at your face, in Billy's voice, a little deeper.

“There's something in the woods!” You yell, looking through the rear windshield. “It's coming!”

“Are you crazy or something?! You almost wrecked my car!” As he speaks, you imagine it once again, the tentacles coming from the sky, taking over the road behind you.

Then you grab his arm, squeezing the muscle underneath the jacket. He's in the middle of a sentence when he looks back too, immediately going silent as he's eyes meet the same inexistent thing you're seeing.

“What the–”

“Drive!” You burst out, and the car starts moving.

“Cut!” The director's voice reaches both of you and Dacre hits the brakes.

Relaxing, you let go of his arm.

“That was great, but I want another take. Ryan, turn those lights down.”

The scene is repeated three more times, with different lighting until they finally decide it's perfect. Then the whole set starts moving to the next scene, which is the sequence to what just played out. It'll be shot in a street Northeast from the road, and since it'll play out from the Camaro, you're told to stay in the car as Dacre drives there, following the other cars.

“You did well back there,” Dacre says as you move, taking a different turn from the other cars to reach your mark. The street has a few small houses on one side, which will have their lights on and some people moving inside and on their balconies, and tall threes on the other.

“You too. Hope I didn't hurt your arm, but Amy was terrified.” Shrugging your shoulders, you smile to hear his giggle.

“I noticed.” He says. “But my arm will survive.”

Looking his way, you're able to have a good look at him now. It's a little dark, but you can take in his features. Dacre makes the mullet look good, which is impressive since you absolutely hate the hairstyle. But not on him. Clearing your throat, you look away. “Make sure it will. You'll need it.”

Dacre stops by the mark, everyone apparently already on their positions. “Things are about to get tense for Billy and Amy now.”

“First fight.” You say, taking a look at your outfit to make sure nothing is out of place. “Enemies to lovers is quite a good arch.”

“I like it too.”

“(Y/N). Dacre. Are you ready?” The director asks and both of you give him a thumbs up, hands off the window. The crew with the microphones and cameras are already positioned, ready for the scene. “Alright then. Ready... Action!”

Dacre moves the car forward, just enough to fake it as he hits the breaks. “What was that?” Billy asks, annoyed for some reason Amy wouldn't know.

“I don't know.” With a hand on your hair, shaking a little, you breathe fast, terrified. “Just take me home.”

“Now I gotta drive you home too?”

“Screw you.” The sudden outburst and the disgust in his voice makes you bolt out of the car, keeping in mind not to look at the cameras following you.

“Are you going to walk?” Billy yells, but you don't look back, walking fast, crossing your arms. “Wait.”

“Screw. You.”

“Don't be an idiot.” You roll your eyes when you notice he's coming closer. Dacre grabs your arm, forcing you to turn around. “Are you really going to walk home with that... Thing out there?”

You're confused at his change of moods, pushing your arm away. “Does it look like I have a choice? You just saw that–” You gesture at the threes on the other side of the road. “–and you still couldn't bring yourself to drive a lady home. You're such a gentleman.” Raising your voice, you put the same tone of disgust in your voice that you heard in his. The cameras move a little closer, and you know why. That's when the tension starts, when Amy stands up to Billy. Stepping forward, lifting your head to try and look him in the eye, you put a single finger in his chest. “You're far worse than what people say you are.” You don't get why his eyes make you nervous. Maybe this whole thing is more than you're used to, too big of a production for you after a few years away from the cameras. As much as Dacre's face being so close makes you feel funny, you gotta keep it cool, don't let it show. You're scared, terrified of a monster in the woods.

“Cut the bullshit and let's go.” He takes your arm again, but you refuse to follow him, standing your ground.

“Let go!” You struggle a bit on his grip, noticing how you actually need to act as if it's tighter than it really is. When he turns to face you again, as you struggle, his face comes close again, his eyes filled with Billy's annoyance.

“Get your butt–” Exactly in time, a crack reaches your ears, and both you and Dacre look at the woods with wide eyes, your breaths caught in your throats, unsure of what made that noise, but not excited to find out. “Let's get out of here.”

“Yeah.” You mumble, heading back into the car.

“And cut!” The director yells as soon as you close the door shut. “That was good, but I want another take. I want the same tension you both built on season 2, only now it's stronger, you're face to face. And Dacre, work this out because people need to be convinced Billy likes someone for something else than just fool around.”

You both nod, repeating the same thumbs-up gesture. Taking a deep breath you wait for the sign and starts moving, doing pretty much the same until you're both out of the car, but this time, when Dacre pulls your arm, you act as if the pull was stronger then it actually was, letting yourself collide against his chest before stepping away. “Are you really going to walk home with that... Thing out there?”

“Does it look like I have a choice? You just saw that and you still couldn't bring yourself to drive a lady home. You're such a gentleman.” Instead of just putting a finger on his chest, you push him away with both hands, not keeping the normal distance as doing so, and letting your eyes fall on his unbuttoned shirt for a couple of seconds before raising your them again. You feel the heat on your cheeks, and you know you're blushing. Checking him out was not the intention.

Dacre's eyes meet yours, and for a second they soften before the usual annoyance comes back. You wonder if he's trying to say something, give you a hint about something he wants to do, but you have no idea what it might be. “Cut the bullshit and let's go, princess.” The weight on the last word is different, lower, meant as in insult, an irony.

“Let go!” You whisper-yell, trying to pull away, but you stop when Dacre holds the other arm, trying to drag you to the car. His stare is intense, and the cameras move a little, coming closer, and you know they're focusing on your faces. “Let go.” You repeat, much lower this time, trying to put some distance between you and him, since your bodies are way too close already.

“Get your butt–” The crack again, the stare at the woods, and the sudden change of moods. Run now, fight later. “Let's get the hell out of here.”

Nodding in agreement, you give your arms one last push, and Drace's eyes come back to you as if remembering he was still holding you, finally releasing his grip. You both run to the car and the scene is over.

Despite saying it was perfect, the director wanted two more takes. He wants proximity, touching, anger mixed with a sudden, recently discovered passion from an unexpected connection at first sight. You're happy to hear that you did achieve that, not sure if it came from your skills or the funny feeling you had in your stomach through the scene. It's weird to have someone you basically just met so close, only inches away.

When it's all done, you take off the outfit and put your clothes back on after washing the make-up away. Then you wait for Vicky, leaning against the minivan, scrolling through your Instagram feed.

“Hi again.” You see Dacre approaching through the corner of your eyes, raising your head to look at him. “Have you checked in at the hotel yet?”

“Yes, just before coming here.” All the actors are staying at the same hotel, just so it's easier to gather everyone around when needed, and be sure of the time it gets for them to get on set.

“I came in my car. I can give you a ride there if you like.” As he speaks, you see Vicky coming, talking with the director. Which you still don't know the name yet.

“I came with Vicky, my agent.” Gesturing at her, you feel embarrassed to decline, and you hope Vicky will say something to help you out as she usually does. “Right, Vi?”

“Oh, no.” Waving her hand in a fast motion, she puts a lock of her blond hair behind her ear. “Remember what I told you? Make connections, friends. Don't stick with me during the whole production.” She reaches out her hand and Dacre politely shakes it. “I'm Victoria Klein. (Y/N)'s agent and her mother's oldest friend.”

“Dacre Montgomery.” He simply says.

“You may take her to the hotel. I have some things to do and she needs to rest. Long day tomorrow.”

You just watch as Vicky sets you up as if you're not even there to make your own call. But you're too shy to say anything else, to still refuse Dacre's kindness. “Ok then. See you, Vicky.”

“Have a good night.” She says after giving you a quick hug.

Silently, you follow Dacre through the set to the parking lot. His car is among several different trucks, some of them already leaving. “Nice car.” You tell him as you get into the passenger seat.

“It's rented.” Dacre turns the ignition and the car comes to life. “I can't be without a car. What if I need to go somewhere?”

“Fair enough.”

He drives through the huge set and you fall into a comfortable silence, not sure of that to say. It would help if you could see some kind of landscape or anything at all through the window. Then you wouldn't look like an idiot with eyes glued at nothing but darkness.

“Did you stop to speak to the journalists?” Dacre asks when you reach the exit, waving at one of the guards.

“Yes. You?”

“Yeah. What did they ask?”

“Spoilers.” Shrugging your shoulders, you give him a glance, and he does the same. “About Amy's and Billy's relationship. What can be expected after their meeting in the season finale.”

A low giggle escapes his lips. “Wait until they know.”

“But they will have to wait until next year.”

“You did well back there. You actually blushed. How did you do that?” He stops at the red light, and you feel when he looks at you. Running a hand through your hair, you meet his eyes.

You weren't trying to blush. You just did. “I'm a very good actress.” Giving him a sassy smirk, you see when his lips break into a smile. It's different from Billy's smile, he doesn't act like he's trying to hide some unknown meaning behind it.

“You sure are.” The red light turns green and you start moving again. “Uhm... There will be a kissing scene, you know.” Oh. The kissing scene. You read through it, of course, you just didn't give much thought about it. “Have you ever done a kissing scene?”

“No.” The answer is quick, you don't have to think much. “In my long list of three movies, in two of them my character didn't have any romantic interests and in the other one it was platonic.” Dacre had done it, you remember from some movie, not sure which one. Your mother insisted on watching some of his movies, just so you'd ‘get to know your co-star skills’ before actually having to work with him. But it's different. It's completely different watching a character on screen and then meeting the person behind it.

“Oh, ok. I hope I won't make you feel uncomfortable.”

“Don't worry about that.” You're a professional, and that's your job. It's just a kiss anyways, and the scene won't be shot any time soon. You'll have time to get used to the idea.

“I just think that since our characters arch is connected from now on, it would be good to get to know each other. It helps a lot when the co-stars are somehow friends.”

“Of course.” He has way more experience in this than you, so whatever he says, you agree.

When you get to the hotel, Dacre leaves his car on the underground parking lot, and, despite having his room key, he insists on accompanying you to the reception to get your card. Once you're in the elevator, you rest your back against the mirror, watching the numbers as they light up.

“We should exchange numbers,” Dacre says, turning to look at you. “In case some of us need to go through the lines or work on something.” He shrugs his shoulders, the light fabric of his white shirt moving. “It's a thing among us. You'll be invited to a lot of parties like that.”

“Sure.” Taking your phone off your pocket you unlock it and hand it over to him as he does the same. Quickly, you type your number and save if on his contacts list.

“That's my stop.” He says when you reach the 14th floor. “See you tomorrow.”

“Good night.” You mumble, waving at him as the elevator door closes again.

The first thing you do when you get to your room is kick off your shoes, already undressing to hit the shower before throwing yourself on bed. It's very late and you won't have many hours of sleep. You're halfway to the bathroom when you take your phone to put on some music. But you don't recognize the object in your hand. After a moment of confusion, you realize it's Dacre's phone.

“What now?” Stopping on your tracks, you start making the way back and gathering the clothes you left on the floor, putting them on again. Since you don't know the number of his room and knocking from door to door is ridiculous, you decide to call reception and just ask. But on your way to the landline they have near the couch, Dacre's phone starts ringing. You were wondering who would it be when you read your own name on the screen.

“Oh, hi.” You're quick to pick up. “I guess you have my phone.”

“Yeah, I got lucky it didn't lock, or else I'd have to call reception asking for your room.” His voice gets a lot darker through the phone. “Would you tell me which one is it? I'm already heading to your floor.”

“1703.” Already making your way to the door, you hear the soft beep of the elevator's doors opening.

“I'm almost there.” He's still speaking when he turns the corner, getting into your sight. You hang up, a shy smile on your face. “Sorry about that.” He hands you over your phone and you give him back his.

“It's alright. We're both tired.” You expect him to just say good night and leave, but he doesn't, shifting his weight from one leg to another.

“Have you met the others yet? Natalia, Joe, Millie...?”

“No, not yet.” You've heard they are very close, and you're the new girl in set. Saying you're nervous doesn't get anywhere close.

“I'm your only friend so far then.” Dacre states. “I'll break the ice with the others, don't worry.” He smiles again, and now, under the bright lights of the hotel hall, you can see his face perfectly. His blue eyes, a lot kinder then they were earlier today when he was Billy.

“Thanks. Guess I'll see you tomorrow then... Pool scenes.”

“Pool scenes.” He repeats. “I'll leave you to sleep now. Good night, (Y/N). Again.”

“Good night, Dacre.” Standing by the door, you watch as the walks away, towards the elevators.

You're about to head inside when, just before he turns around the corner, Dacre gives you one last look, a smile coming to his lips when his eyes meet yours.

×

@baker151910 @shinydixon @dreamin-of-dacre @hanoi15 @lickmymelanin @skykittysstuff

[ilove-cedricdiggory]

You would be okay (Fallen Pt. 2)

Draco x Reader

Request - Yes? kinda? you guys wanted a part 2!

Summary - You tried the unspeakable and were left with this aftermath. Part one here!

Trigger Warning - Mentions of suicide, suicidal thoughts, cursing, it's kinda lengthy. I hope you enjoy!

All that's left is a last embrace.

All that's left is a whisper to say.

Hearts broken,

tears spilled,

frantic moves,

for all that was left was a final exhale.

You expected white, or maybe black even? But all you saw was the yellow of a light. That's a good sign, right?

Go into the light.

But, the light doesn't come with a tight embrace, does it?

For the last of something shouldn't come with another. A last breath shouldn't be met with another inhale, filling your lungs with a type of pain that wasn't physical. A type of pain that filled your head with the doubt of no other.

You failed.

Failed to die, how can someone be that stupid?

"No." You croaked out, feeling the pressure on your body tighten. "No, I'm not alive. No." You opened your eyes, the unshed tears already in the place of your eyelids.

"Honey, clear the room." The soft, warm voice of the mother you dreamed of filled your ears. "Molly, no." You cried, looking up at her. She held your body tightly, her arms circled around you as she held the life of you, afraid to let go.

The tears fell quickly down your cheeks, sobs falling from your mouth. "Sweet girl, it's okay." She whispered, pressing you closer to her. You're unaware of how you long you sobbed, how long she sat there with you, softly pressing her palm down the smoothness of your hair, but your sobs lulled you back to sleep with the hatred of yourself filling your being once more.

One week

You felt like you were a toddler again, for a pair of eyes was always set on you. They didn't look at you with pity, they didn't look at you with disgust, they didn't look at you with doubtfulness. For they looked at you with a love you didn't even understand. A love that had your heart breaking worse than what Draco could ever cause.

You still weren't sure how you survived, how you possibly could have jumped from the astronomy tower and lived to tell the tale, but none of the Weasley's would tell you.

"It doesn't matter dear." Whispered Molly when you woke up the next morning, full of questions.

"What do you think about these?" Fred and George switched up the topic, showing you a prototype that was supposed to shoot multicolored glitter into the room you tossed it into.

"Sorry, y/n, I'm reading." Hermione excused, sticking her nose further into her book, avoiding your eyes with every cost.

Three Weeks

With each day, you ate more. With each second, you smiled brighter. With each look, you felt safer.

You weren't on watch like you had been, everyone seeing the slow progress you were making. You still had unanswered questions, but they sat at the back of your mind, until a bad day.

A day that had you tumbling down the steep stairs of progress, a day that had you quivering in fear of your own self. A day that started with a specific blonde.

You had assumed he was at the Malfoy Manner, you had assumed he thought you were dead. But, when you opened the door to your apartment, Hermione and Ginny standing beside you, he stood from your couch, eyes set on you.

"You're okay." He whispered, his eyes as broken as yours.

"Shit." Ginny looked at the Slytherin and quickly stepped in front of you. "Why the fuck are you here?" Hermione asked, pulling you back behind her.

"Look, I just - I had to make sure she was okay. I haven't left for weeks, I've slept on the couch to make sure I'd see you when you walked in. I - after I saved you, I saw the Weasleys running to you, I was too afraid they'd kill me themselves, so I ran off." He said, stepping closer to you. "Wait - you're the one who saved her?" Ginny asked, looking at the boy. "I uh, I levitated her - like Dumbledore did to Harry at the quidditch game year three. As soon as the owl flew in with a letter in your handwriting to me, after that fight, I knew what you were doing."

Ginny took one more step towards the boy before hugging him, her arms around his neck. "Thank you."

You and Hermione stood in awe. Ginny Weasley, the Ginny Weasley, was hugging Draco. They had all learned to tolerate the man, especially after the two of you got together, but the only person you ever saw try to hug Draco, was Molly.

"But, how did you know where I was? I wrote that at the end of the letter so I could - well, so I could die." You whispered, moving to sit on the couch

Hermione moved to sir next to you, taking the seat Draco might have taken, placing her hand on yours. "Y/n, we don't have to do this. We just came for some clothes." You shook your head, meeting Draco's red eyes.

"I found the letters, about 4 months ago. I had gone into the owl room to feed her the two days you were gone and I saw it with my name. I pulled it out and read it - I didn't know what to do. We had been doing well, you were happy, we had plans with the Weasley's, which I knew for a fact you wouldn't cancel, I just decided to watch you for the next few weeks, make sure you were okay. I knew that you were depressed a while ago, but we had been working on it.

You had been getting out of bed a bit easier, you were baking and singing, I figured you were okay. I know your depression comes and goes, but you were really doing good, so I didn't bring it up." He sat in your love seat, his head in his hands. "I was such an idiot for not bringing it up, I knew better than that. Even if you were doing good, you still wrote them, which meant you were suicidal before then. I'm just a plain dick for saying what I said to you then too. I - I can't believe that I did, you trusted me with your insecurities, with your darkest thoughts, and I used then to crush you." His voice was soft, tears falling from his eyes.

"Hey, Mione, let's go pack up some stuff for Y/n, I think they should talk."

Two months

You were okay.

It was still hard sometimes, but you were okay. You had moved back in to your home, finding a new routine for you. Someone of the Weasley house always popped in on you once a week and Molly set in a Sunday Dinner policy that you could not miss.

You were okay.

You still had dark thoughts, but who didn't? You still had rough days, but who didn't? The only thing you didn't have, was him.

After the day he told you how he saved you, he left. He excused himself when the girls came back, and he left. You were expecting to see him, to hear from him, but nothing. Now, your heart broke a little bit when you woke up and his side was empty, when you woke up and his coffee cup was gone, when you woke up and his designated seat stayed empty.

But, he wasn't going to kill you again.

You washed dishes, you baked cookies (and owled them to the Weasley's), and you went to work.

You were okay.

The day was long, almost as hard as it used to be, but you could do it. People came and went, your mood stayed stable, and your mind stayed blank from all thoughts that could break you.

You were okay.

Right at clock out, you stepped out of the store and - no one.

You walked down the street and - no one.

You stepped into the bakery the two of you got breakfast from that morning and - oh? maybe? the blonde hair, the same height? Nope, bakers son.

A simple hot chocolate, not wanting to be up for hours more, and you were headed home. The muggle tv was set up, courteously done by Harry and Arthur. The hours passed by, your own platter of cookies gone, but, you ate. Comedy movies watched, an episode of How I Met Your Mother finished, but you were then met with a stupid romance movie.

Your eyes watered as you stood, walking to the fridge to find - no ice cream? Really? You bought 4 pints of it the last time you saw it, it was just so hard to find in stores.

You glanced down at your clothes and shrugged, disapparating into the streets outside of the grocery store before walking in and straight to the frozen section. "Stupid freaking ice cream just had to be ate by me. Why can't they make self filling ice cream? I'd pay any damn price for that." You mumbled, the house shoes dragging along as you walked.

"Where is it?" You asked yourself, glancing in each of the doors before bumping into a cart. "Oh, crap, I'm sorry." You spoke, looking up to meet them.

"Narcissa?" You asked, your eyes furrowing. You glanced into her basket to see nothing but ice cream, the very ice cream you were here for. "Uh, that's a lot of ice cream." You said, biting your lip sadly.

"Draco sent me for them, I don't eat ice cream." She laughed, smiling at the girl. "You okay?" She asked softly, meeting your eyes. You had a problem with Lucius, yes, but Narcissa was so lovely - especially after the war. "I'm okay." You spoke, nodding once.

"You know, I said that a lot too, so I get it." You bit your lip, nodding once. "Oh, well, they don't have what I'm here for, so I'll be going." She nodded, you turning around before hurrying out of the store.

You were okay.

You popped back into your home, taking a deep breath. You sat in the room, shutting off the TV before laying back. An hour later, you were met with the pecking of the door, sighing as you grabbed a few knuts for the owl and walked to the door, swinging it open.

"Draco?" You breathed out, looking at the man. "Owl?" you asked, looking down at the owl in his arms.

"I uh, I figured I'd bring you these." He held up the ice cream pints his mother bought, smiling softly. "I was gonna owl them, but I had to see you, I'm sorry." He spoke, and you stepped aside to let the boy in.

After they were all safely placed in the freezer, he turned to you. "Y/n, I'm so so so sorry. I can't just apologise my way back into your life and I know that, but I'd do anything to see you. I was such an absolute idiot and I will do anything I can do to fix it, fix us." He spoke, his eyes meeting yours.

You nodded softly, taking a deep breath.

You were okay.

You were okay.

You were okay.

You weren't okay.

"I've missed you do much." you cried, flopping onto the couch. "And I hate myself for that because you did this, you did it. But you're the only one I could ever trust to really fix me again. But I can't trust you to not break me again." Your sobs filled the air, Draco rushing to hold you once again.

"I'm so sorry, y/n." he whispered, kissing your head softly.

You stayed in his arms until your sobs lulled to an end, looking up at him. "We have to restart." You whispered, looking into his beautiful eyes. "Not just pick up where we left off, restart." He nodded, his eyes bright with hope.

"Well then, y/n, can I take you out on a ice cream date?" He asked softly, pushing your hair back. "I dunno, I've got all the ice cream I can take, this really great guy bought it for me." You spoke, smiling at him.

"Yeah, but you look like a soft serve kinda girl."

You were going to be okay.

~~~

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[tyunniverse]

Midnight Crisis

pairing: huening kai x reader

genre: fluff (?)

word count: 1728

synopsis: huening kai gets woken up by his neighbor's alarm every midnight and finally decides to do something about it

There it is again.

Kai lies awake in his bed, eyes heavy and dark circles evident. He stares at the ceiling, trying his best to cancel out the noise that's been plaguing his mind for countless nights but to no avail. He's grown to hate the noise with each passing day. It's been like this ever since he moved in two months ago.

The first night was bearable, he'd assumed that his neighbor had something important to do at midnight. After all, it wasn't unusual for a college student to be up that late to finish an assignment. The first week was excusable. Kai figured that they must be working on an extremely important project that couldn't wait until morning to be finish. The next few weeks were hell. He thought he'd be immune to the alarm blasting through his walls but he wasn't. It sounds off for five minutes and after that, waits another five minutes more to go off again. His suffering doesn't end until it nears 1 am, and if he's lucky, it'll end before 00:30. This became the norm for Kai.

But the alarm had been going off for more than an hour. A hundred thoughts go through Kai's mind. Should he just try to go back to sleep? At this point that seemed impossible. He'd tried a hundred times before and it never worked. Should he just stay up until it ends? He'd be tired by morning but that's the safest possible decision. But what if this goes on until sunrise? He can't risk falling asleep in class when he had a presentation first thing in the morning.

Kai bunches the his blanket in his hands. "Why me?" He groans, shifting to the side to check his phone. His classmate, Beomgyu, had left him a message a few hours ago.

Hyuka, I can't make it to class tomorrow. I'm at the hospital with my roommate. Sorry, but I think you have to do the presentation on your own tomorrow. I promise I'll make it up to you.

Great.

Given the news and the loud pinging of the alarm, Kai decides that he has had enough. He can't deal with the stupid alarm going off every night, especially when he really needed the rest.

He hops out off bed, grabbing a hoodie from his closet and putting it over his shirt before storming out of his room.

—

You were beyond tired.

The classes you had on that day had all conducted tests, leaving your brain fried by the time you got home. You immediately pass out once you reached the comfort of your bed, not even caring to change out of your clothes. Your mind peacefully drifts into sleep, remembering that you had something to look forward to at 1 am.

You never forget to set your alarm. Sometimes, it was hard waking up in the middle of the night when you're having such a good time sleeping, but you made sure that it went off every five minutes until you're forcibly awoken by it's blaring sound.

The drama your best friend, Soobin, had recommended to you had been the highlight of your day since the beginning of the semester. School has been nothing but the source of your stress and you found that watching the new episodes every night helped you get through it and prepare yourself for anything to come. Little did you know that your energy booster had become the bane of someone else's existence.

"Excuse me!"

You were woken up by the sound of loud banging on your door. Having just come to your senses, your eyes wander to you phone that had been blasting your alarm since 12 am. You reach out to it, checking the time and panicking once you saw that it was way past the time slot for your drama. It was about to finish.

"Shit." You scramble towards your laptop, hoping to at least see if there was still hope to watch it until your attention was brought back to the loud banging on your door.

"Excuse me! Is anyone in there?"

You frown. "Who the hell disturbs people in the middle of the night?"

The place was quiet for a while until the banging came back. You take one last glance at your laptop before treading towards the door. You grab anything heavy along the way in case things get a little weird with your unexpected visitor.

Kai rubs his eyes as he waits for his neighbor's door to swing open. His ears perk up when he hears shuffling behind the door. It opens for about an inch wide, raising a few questions in Kai's mind.

"Do you need something?" You speak out from behind the door.

Kai's brows knit as he leaned a little closer. "It's me, Huening Kai, from room 208. I need to talk to you about something but isn't refusing to open your door a little rude?"

"Oh, sorry." You relax once you realize that the visitor wasn't a threat. You'd seen him a lot on your way to your room but you've never interacted before. All you know was that he seemed like a pretty nice guy. "Ah," You look up at him. He looked kinda cute despite his tired look. His messy hair had almost entirely covered his eyes and his hoodie had a molang print on the side. "But isn't it also a little rude to bang at your neighbor's door at 1 am?" You ask him, brows raised.

Kai purses his lips, trying his best to hold off on snapping at you. He was truly at his limit. "Not when that neighbor has kept me up for the past two months with their stupid alarm?"

"What are you— oh." You cut yourself off upon realizing the entirety of the situation. Maximum volume. You had set your alarm at maximum volume to make sure you never missed an episode. It had barely been effective on you but it sure did its work on your neighbor. In hindsight, you should've seen this coming.

Kai watches as you space out and decides to just tell you then and there instead of waiting for you to invite him inside. "Uh, listen." His hands fidget, trying to get through the awkwardness. "You must have something important to do but please be responsible with your alarm. It's ringing has kept me awake since the start of the semester and I haven't gotten a good night's sleep since. I have a presentation later and I really need to get some sleep before that, so can you please tone the alarm down or just shut if off? I don't think I can survive another night like this."

There he had it.

Kai felt a bit better. He should've done this sooner. His problems would've been solved by then. He figured that you'd apologize and stop your alarms since by now, the two of you have probably reached an understanding.

"I understand your side, I really do." You tell him, looking up at his now smiling form. "But I can't lower the volume." His smile disappears.

"What?"

"I can't wake up if it's not at maximum volume. Please understand, I need this in order to wake up." You insist.

Kai didn't know how to react. He'd been so sure that you'd cooperate that any other responses would have rendered his mind blank. "What?" He repeats. "Then, can you at least tell me why it's so important for you to be awake at this hour?"

You cant. You can't tell him.

The moment he finds out that you were willing to sacrifice his sleep for the drama you've been watching, he'd never let you hear the end of it. "I have a project and it needs to be finished by tomorrow."

Kai crosses his arms, frowning. "So you're saying you have an important project every single night?"

You hold your breath. "Yes?"

"Yes?" Kai scoffs. "Please tell me you're joking."

"I'm serious!" You wage him off. "I really do have one!"

Kai takes a peek at your room and sighs. "Then bring it here. The least you can do is prove that you're telling the truth. I can't keep suffering like this, Y/N."

Hearing your name made you nervous. Of course he'd known your name, he had delivered your packages a few times when it ended up in front of his doorstep by mistake. What's worse, he wanted you to show him the project you made up on the spot to hopefully escape the situation. Your mind goes blank, and there's only one thng that passes through it despite being fully aware that this solution was only temporary.

"I'm sorry!"

"Huh?"

Kai freezes in his spot as the door slams shut in his face. He hears you run back imto the safety of your room and he's left standing there, speechless. It takes him a few seconds to register what had just happened.

"Hey!" He reaches out for your door knob, twisting it a few times before giving up and knocking on the door. "Y/N? Y/N! Open up! We're still not done talking!" He knocks a few more times. "Hey!"

You snicker, hellbent on ignoring him and focusing on what's left of your show. Even if it's just the ending of the episode, it was enough to at least get you through tomorrow.

The episodes starts loading after a few clicks and you move to get your headphones. That's when you realize that Kai had finally stopped bothering you for the night. A smile creeps in your face as you feel a mixture of relief and guilt. "I'm sorry, Kai, but I need this."

You plug your headphones in and was about to focus on the episode when a loud alarm starts blasting through the walls of your room. Eyes wide, you check your phone to see if your alarm had beem turned off. It had been dead ever since you got up, which meant that the sound could only be coming from the room next door.

You jump when you hear a rather loud laugh coming from Kai's room, followed by him banging on your shared wall. Your phone buzzes with a notification and you check it.

Hey there, neighbor! If I'm not gonna get any sleep then so are you. Suffer with me >3<

[carrottuan93]

Haven’t met you yet | Mark

Masterlist (3/4) | part1 - part2 - part4

Starring: MK x You

Tags: Mark Tuan, Fluff, Destiny, Waiting, Christmas, Bookworm, Nerd, Love, Fate

Total WC: 2194

You nearly puked your guts out to the sight of Jackson sticking to Eunhee and hugging her like forever has been robbed from them. You failed to confide to your best friend about what happened to you in the last 24 hours. So as not to spoil their couple time together, you chose to not disturb them and just mingle with all the kids in the sweet treats section. You love kids so much you play Santa and distributed macarons to each one of them. As expected, most of your close friends and guests brought their own boyfriends, if not, their own husbands and it was a nice show to witness, with sarcasm aside. Thanks to Jackson’s little cousins, they keep you entertained with their bubbly personality.

 “One with the kids, sure you’re missing the party in the adult section, no?” The sight of a guy clad in a formal white dress shirt, tucked in a black denim pants partnered with a classic chuck taylor, and a gray winter coat, welcomed your eyes. Guys who dress fashionably is such a head turner for you.

“Actually, they keep me company so I’m having fun to be honest.” You replied, feeling all the weird sensation cascading across your spine. You feel a bit nauseous whenever guys approach you. You don’t know if you even want to be with a guy right now, after your embarrassing experience last night.

 “My cousins here are a bunch of nuisance, you’ll get tired of them soon.” He picked one matcha macaron from the aisle and took a bite of it. You observed his expression. A smile crept up to his face and you caught sight of Eunhee in a distant, gossiping to Jackson that you’re having a moment with his cousin. You certainly know that they’re mentally pairing you up already and you are growing nervous about the plans that they are possibly plotting behind your back.

 “You like it? I bought them all the way from a café near my workplace that sells classic macarons just like the original ones from Paris.” He nodded in approval as you watch him took another piece, this time it’s strawberry. That’s your favorite flavor among the rest and you can really tell that the sweet tooth runs on Jackson’s bloodline by how his cousins, from the little chubby ones and the grown up beside you, munch on your favorite treat.

 “I never really eat macarons, but you introduced me into it. You deserve a recognition, uhm?” He lifted his hand for a handshake. He doesn’t know your name yet so you took his hand and introduced yourself right away.

 “It’s Y/n, Eunhee’s best friend. Thank you for the recognition by the way. Well, you come here with a date?” You’re mentally tiptoeing above the thin ice. It’s better to assume that this cute guy over here is already taken, I mean with his looks, he's totally a charmer, you thought to yourself.

 “I didn’t bring anyone with me, so I assume you also come along on your own, no?” Green light. Okay, you need to calm down. This isn’t like any of your past blind dates but first meetups are usually nerve wracking and scary so you played the innocent heroine that you are and chose to just go with the flow seeing how Eunhee and Jackson are staring at you maliciously from Mark’s back, you know they were able to receive the death notes you are sending them via telepathy.

 “That explains it.” It’s not that you had a thing with cute guys, but maybe you just discovered it right now. You can tell he’s a decent one, a cool and random Asian-American import from the west and maybe if you’re an ice cream, you already turned into liquid by the way he stares at you.

 “I don’t know anything about you yet, but would you trust a complete stranger to celebrate your Christmas eve with? If you’re up for it, we’ll leave this party right away because I can tell that you’re going to get sick from all these couples outnumbering us.” Have you been a good girl this year? You didn’t include this guy on your Christmas list but Santa rewarded you without even asking for it.

 “I’m putting my trust on you knowing that Jackson is a good guy so does his cousin. I'll sue him and he’ll answer for the damages and fines in case you failed to bring me back in good shape.” You both let out a hefty chuckle earning glares from your best friend and her boyfriend. You’ve decided to pursue your spontaneous trip with Mark and the next thing you know you’re already closing the front door upon your exit even before the two of them could react to your great and grand escape.

  ----

  He took you on a ride away from the busy and bustling streets of Seoul. You're thrilled to find out that he actually brought you to Namsan Tower, the highest peak in the city. You're awed expression cannot suffice the picturesque panoramic scenery of Seoul unfolding in front of your very eyes when you entered the observatory on the top most floor. You were unable to talk all of a sudden and your heart is brimming with unexplained strings of emotion as you kept on taking pictures and videos of the breathtaking place that sent your eyes into a food coma.

 "I only went to N tower once, or maybe twice but that was during the day and I have no idea that this is how it looks at night. It's a miss, nobody will be able to witness this scene on a Christmas eve the way we're seeing it right now." You forgot about your shameful episodes of last night's happenings and your worries disappeared in just an instant.

 "I kind of paid for tonight's reservation when I arrived here in Korea a week ago, with the hopes of spending Christmas only to myself. Consider yourself lucky, you've managed to join me on this one-time event. Heck, the price I paid for is totally worth it. Come here and try this." He urged you to look on the telescope, and to your surprise, you're taking in every aspect of the city in a bird's eye perspective. Everything you look at is really stunning. Like you never really imagined that perfection exists for real until tonight and you're experiencing it with a random guy whom you've only met an hour ago. Your eyes met his and you wished you aren't redder than a rotten tomato for looking like a lost deer caught on a headlight.

 "The view here is really pretty.” He gave you a smile, too charming for your own consumption.

“It really is.” He’s even prettier than the view. You can only sense your guy-o-meter raising for Mark. Good lord, is this a sign? Your mind is now ready to tick the ideal guy boxes on your list.

 “We shouldn't keep this New York style pizza from waiting while it is hot.” He chuckled, like the cute kid that he is. There is something with his unique laugh that you really don’t mind hearing at all. Is he older than me? Please, I don’t want to date someone younger than me.

 “Okay, sure kid.” You followed him as he sat on the ground in a dimly lit room radiating a romantic atmosphere under the starry and chilly skies of Seoul. This is not a date, but a friendly escape out of boredom planned by two single hearts on a Christmas eve. As if you’re two partners in crime, sitting on one of the highest skyscrapers in town, while sharing a box of pizza. It’s just that you aren’t Bonnie and neither he is your Clyde but you're loving the idea of him as someone whom you can rely on.

 “I’m older than you, silly.” The sight of a wine bottle behind him caught your attention and wondered where it came from. He noticed you eyeing the prize so he did the honor and poured you a glass of wine while you’re devouring your slice of pizza. You never imagined that eating pizza is too romantic and one for the books.

 “Any proof that you’re actually above 25? Cause you really look young. With that face, you can qualify for a student discount on public transports and still save money for your commute.” You want to make sure that he’s at least 5 years older than you. You prefer dating someone older than you because they always say that a guy's maturity is a year delayed for his age.

 “Trust me, I just know. I’m old enough to buy a house and enter into casinos, I guess.” He gave you a wink and you felt a gush of strong wind blew your senses away. He’s totally a Romeo and you took a swig of wine while observing him secretly.

 “So you’re a gambler? I might have been spending my time with some kind of a mafia leader and still have no clue about it.” He’s laughing at it again. I might have a talent with making cute guys laugh and that’s an asset I only discovered right now.

 “What, no! But my dad is a big spender in casinos. My duty is to look out for him and take him home before he could even bet our fortune with his leisure. I could always hear him say ‘It has gotta be all or nothing’. He’s born for taking risks and maybe I got that gene from him that’s why.” He stretched his legs and sat like he’s on a photoshoot. He’s not a model but he can beat the professional ones even without the need for screening.

 “What’s the biggest risk you’ve taken in your life so far?” You folded your legs as you watch him wonder with his eyes fixed on the ceiling. He poured a glass for himself and you noticed that he used the same glass that you drink on.

 “I believe we’re taking risks everyday in our lives. The only difference is the distance of our leap towards taking or not taking chances at all. Like when you’re playing a game, everything starts with equal opportunities. It’s a race to the witch mountain. The first one to gamble takes it all. You gotta be the predator of every tournament and you gotta be the last one standing in a survival of the fittest. If you’re brave enough to take the earliest start, you can use that advantage to ace your end game. It’s all about timing and investing. Win or lose streak. There is no such thing as a grey area when it comes to taking risks. You don’t get to tie with anybody. Either you’ll win or lose. You just have to trust your instincts and roll your dice like everyday is your last day on earth. If I go for something, I go all in. No half-baked decisions. Because my father taught me that risks equates to rewards and I’m all up for the extremes of both worlds. That’s the one thing I’m best at. I know how to play the game nice and fair because I know how to measure the corners of a square and even the distance around the circle which is not visible to the naked eye. After all, he considers me as his lucky charm. That explains my presence to his endless casino nights. And he hardly ever loses if I’m with him. Sure, Pops are probably waiting for me at our doorstep in LA right now. Too bad, his son is on the other side of the world, taking his own risk of a lifetime.” You left with no words to say. He’s too deep, a food for the soul. Guys like him are the ones that can be displayed in museums. He’s a delicate art and nobody should be allowed to touch him but the curator. And you’d want to take that role.

 “What if you lose? If you go all in and you lose everything all at once? Have you experienced it already?” you asked, admiring the tiny mole sitting under his left eye. You decided to take your second glass of wine.

 “The best thing about losing is that you’ve tried. I don’t take failures as an excuse for not trying again and taking another risk the next day. If I lose, so what? That only means you’re brave because you grow stronger with every fall that you take. Like a bamboo tree, it only bends but it doesn’t break. Life is all about swimming against the current of uncertainties and finding yourself floating on top of your insecurities.” As if he’s summarizing all the lessons in life, you’d always want to go for the front seat. He’s a walking self-help book, and maybe Mark Manson’s book of ‘the subtle art of not giving a fuck’ would have to sit longer in my shelf for the meantime. I got a risk-taker author Mark, right here and I got nothing to worry about.

[wholeworldbroken]

PART 1)  Net Neutrality, Hypernormalization, The Dinosaur Who Swindled Natural Selection & Prospered... AND... The Healthy Benefits Of Paranoid Delusional Psychosis.

TV is a dinosaur sinking into the tar. All those once giant networks are scrambling to survive just a little longer in this technological age that left them behind before they noticed. That Netflix model is alot bigger deal than it's given credit for. It's what reshaped HULU until it went legitimate. It's why there's an HBOGO, STARZ, SHOWTIME, etc. app that all outperform their parent networks.

The power of ON-DEMAND blew Amazon up from a more Wal-Marty version of eBay to the titan it is now. Disney is gearing up to yank all Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, etc. properties from Netflix to add to their own upcoming streaming channel. Even the underdogs that only Netflix could make into giant hits: Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, The Defenders and The Punisher (not so much IronFist) are being carted over to the new Disney service without so much as a "thank you for making this possible" to Netflix.

CBS launched theirs earlier this year with the added ammo of the most expensive Star Trek series to date, Discovery, being only available through their site. We'll probably see about 10 new changeovers this coming year. Comcast, Verizon and Slime-Warner know that we'll pay $8 here, $10 there for the convenience of catching all that exclusive content completely at our lesiure, always waiting as soon as we feel like tapping that PLAY button.

So, the dinosaur is slowly inching across the quicksand, dragging its rip-off cable model over to the internet, embracing the technology of the future while still thriving off the scams of the past. Even Youtube, which was kind of a revolution in independent, DIY content creators and previously muted voices now given a somewhat worldwide platform, finding an audience without having to bow to the old media gatekeepers

(the Merv Griffins, Johnny Carsons, Entertainment Tonights, Morning Shows, blah, blah, blah, who were able to get rich off the young, hopefuls kissing the asses of whoever would help them be seen, LONG before any of the actual talent was consistently turning a profit. Completely self -regenerating. You can burn up the lump of coal till it's all disintegrated, but the machine ALWAYS got fresh coal being shoveled in the fire, baby)

... is now flooded with Jimmy Kimmel, SNL, Paramount, Disney studios, which seems like normal that those sketches, clips, movie trailers would end up archived on youtube...

until you consider that youtubers are paid through Google Adsense, and receive a monetary amount per video play featuring ads that are part of the program. The success and general public hunger for these independent creators has multiplied the number of young, self-made millionaires over the last 10 years. So, in come the dinosaurs, dragging that dirty-old-bag of crooked-old-ways with them.

Now you got NBC, uploading individual sketches from SNL, a television show that makes its revenue from tv ads & endorsements, each video cashing in on adsense profits seperately, rivaling the numbers from the original airing of the whole episode. Jimmy Fallon, Dr. Phil... practically EVERYbody is clawing & scratching for that youtube money all the kids were syphoning away from them. Whatever.

Big, ugly business, but still business. Dog eat dog & all that.

But what about commercials? Who the fuck clicks on the new TIDE ad showing up in their youtube feed? SOMEbody, cause it's got, like, a bajillion clicks. Are companies drafting interns to generate views and cash in on adsense? Hey, I'm paranoid, but if stupid old ME thought of it...

So, you seen the new Star Wars trailer? Shit, EACH newer version, starting with the teaser? How many did you see on youtube? ...and when you click that movie COMMERCIAL, like magic, you gotta sit through a goddamn COMMERCIAL before you can watch the COMMERCIAL you voluntarily chose to endure. Shit. I'll be DAMNED if, half the time, the ad that comes up isn't another trailer for another movie, usually from a whole other studio. Think Disney/StarWars minds you got a sneak taste of GrownUps 3 while you were waiting to drool all over a 30-second montage of disjointed scenes arranged to grease the dollar bills out of your wallet come Christmas time? `</pre> They just got paid by Adam Sandler's scam of a company for you to wait out the 5 seconds to click away from his bullshit and get up in them Star Wars guts... several million times... by an unrelated company willing to pay the opponent team for the luxury of dropping a commercial on the front of their commercial... leading to Disney (only an example. This is some across the board shit) making millions off a commercial designed to set up an installment in a franchise that will bring them automatic billions. <pre>` It's Terry Gilliam level absurdity that we've indoctrinated ourselves, as a species, to accept as "successful business practices", as we dream of one day carving our very own little chunk of the abstract money scheme balogna. I don't pretend to have a better, more functional answer than: try to resist as much of the barrage as you can, of huckster salesmen who have studied the best psychological methods of Stockholming your oblivious ass into not only continuing to prop up their pyramid scheme and perpetuating their boss's greedy manipulation of the entire world by way of its set-up-to-fail economic machinations `</pre> but ALSO, to constantly strengthen your faith in the infallible logic of those same machinations with a passion that is prepared to DESTROY any anomalous dissenters, selfish enough to be randomly fertilized and born into their designated gangsign annotated factions dividing up larger, further established, gangsign brandishing nation-states, yet still possessing the ingratious self-serving personality defect of introspection, empathy & existential contemplation. ** incoming** __VOICE__OF__GREAT__MACHINATION__LEADER,__STIFFY__O'FOOFYSKINS______ <pre>` "The enemy is all around and they hate your way of life. They whisper corruption into the ears of our unsuspecting younger generations. They bombard you with an agenda of moral codes & ideals in direct conflict to the ones you were taught. If you love the random patch of land you literally had more of a chance to be born outside of than in `</pre> and you're not some kind of infidel, basking in the luxuries provided by your assigned locale while remaining unwilling to offer up your mortal life to assure its continuation, then you already know that the RIGHT thing to do, the divine purpose you feel pumping through your heart, is stand tall & be ready to hoist your team's flag should it fall. The enemy wants to see you fail so that it can pillage its way to the holy finish line which was divinely entitled to YOU and the rest of the good guys. It preaches demoralizing propaganda designed to weaken your resolve & raise doubt toward your righteous goals. It knows ways to steal the food from your family's table... even steal your established identity and celebrate its wicked victories by splurging on the fruit sewed by YOUR noble labors. This is your preconceived understanding of the truth. There are higher levels of truth that only pertain to you as part of a bigger picture, but you need not concern yourself with such perplexing pokings & proddings into the corners of your manufactured reality. Take comfort in the ebb & flow of a pristine, global bureaucracy that, on the surface, appears to malfunction as a chaotic dumpster fire of social upheaval, random acts of blatantly hateful terrorism and increasingly violent natural disasters reminding each & every one of us that we are vulnerable and the only shelter comes from the sinister embrace of the leaders we ourselves chose to govern us, simply because that is the way the world has worked for much longer than our insignificant participation would justify constructing a new means of stability. Best not to stress over such uncontrollable details. GREEN has always meant GO. RED has always signified a mandatory STOP. ...And that proverbial cheese at the end of the maze, ever taunting the entire roster of teams? It's laced with the affectionate tongue-kiss of cyanide, the ultimate reward for any group that is able to pull ahead of the hordes and slamdunk their Nerf football into the victory bonfire. IT'S MILLER TIME... Because being on the winning team isn't what's important: WHAT COUNTS IS THAT YOUR TEAM DESTROYED AS MUCH OF THE OPPOSITION'S LIFE & LIVELIHOOD AS WAS POSSIBLE." <pre>` Over moral posturings? Over indignant evildoings? In a race to prove to the creator that your team is comprised of his chosen people and is ready to accept the role as His Holy Assassins? Over the truth behind 9/11? Over the ongoing argument concerning the actual SHAPE of the planet & the legitimacy of the very science we thought we understood, but very well may have been meticulously devised to support our indoctrinated "understanding" of a globe-shaped world, hurling through space in a cosmic dance with the star, SOL, spinning on an axis that brings it around 360° every 24 hours and marking the outlines of our 24 hour day... 7 day week... our 12 month year... An indoctrination so effective, most of us never once stop to entertain the notion that, at its essence, the concept of time in this manner, the 7 day work week (uncannily similar to the 7 days required to create the world), the weather defining 12 months adhered to by the Gregorian calendar could very logically, and historically likely, be an immeasurable, blanket imprisonment of individual human perceptions, compressing the infinite possibilities of each reality into a much more predictable & controllable number. Wrangling in those erratic, chaos-prone, possible realities that could ultimately crash the entire capitalist cabal so dependent on limiting the imaginations & therefore, the entire concept of the fabric of reality & the universe across an entire planet's population. Outrageous, right? Borderline psychotic levels of paranoia, layered with simple, obnoxious denial and a shot or 2 of worst-case-scenario gullibility, YEARS worth of nonsensical research into the ravings of like-minded lunatics whose infectious delusions have consistently contributed to the disenfranchisement and downfall of multiple promising, yet dangerously curious intellects dating all the way back to the first significant population booms & those resultant social structures that merely sought to stifle the all too common, human urge to casually rape & kill each other on the slightest of whims. When viewed in THAT light, maybe that original intent wasn't so awful. Maybe somebody just had to think of something, like, QUICK.

WE INTERRUPT THIS LITERATAL ILLUSTRATION OF AN IMPLODING BRAIN'S LAST, DESPERATE GRASP AT UNDERSTANDING TO BRING YOU THIS TEMPORARILY DEBILITATING ANXIETY ATTACK...