#this is kinda oversharing but what is this if not the oversharing website

[girlboysollux]

i used to think that i was just lucky enough to skip over the phase of self doubt and shame because i came out as trans young and my parents are accepting. the more i’ve seen of the world though, the more cynical and ashamed about my queerness i’ve become. i feel like im being annoying or embarrassing when i bring it up. i feel like i have to dance around correcting friends or acquaintances when they slip up with pronouns or terms, and end up half joking/half correcting them while insisting that it really doesn’t matter to me. sometimes it’s like this website is the only space i can go to to be loud and proud about being queer. this year i want to dig myself out of that hole, and really accept myself for all that i am. i’m not sure how exactly to go about doing it, but that’s my real resolution for this year.

[neopuppy]

I always viewed those "you write [member] so well" comments the exact same way because indeed we do NOT know these people...

But honestly, to me, that's the appeal? As long as they're broadly good people in the sense of they're not comitting abhorrent crimes, I don't care how they are off camera and I kinda ...like? the idea of not knowing. To me the most "telling" thing is what they do decide to show of their personalities, genuine or otherwise. Like to me it's fascinating to see what they want fans to know or if it's not entitely true, I like seeing how they want to be perceived.

There's one particular aspect of this topic though that makes me laugh a lot: when idols express an "undesirable" or "opposite to their usual persona" trait and the fans just start denying it and saying they're wrong? About themselves??? 😭 An example for the former (undesirable) is Taeyong saying he struggles to be sympathetic to other people and struggles comforting others. Some fans started saying: it's not true! It can't be! And an example of something opposite to their idol persona (that I think about a lot actually because he's one of my biases) is a period in time where in some interviews the NCT 127 members said that Jungwoo is actually manly off camera. So many people were up in arms because he is "soft" etc... but we don't know him!!! Get a grip!!!

But to stop rambling, truly the only thing we can do is guess what's genuine and what's not and to finally answer your question: Jeno. I feel like Jeno's image suffers quite a bit from how people see him because of his looks. He's attractive and a "fierce" performer, so people kinda just run with this strong persona because he also has moments where he speaks bluntly, but to me he just feels like a normal dude who likes to do his job. He just clocks in, is present, then goes home to his privacy. He doesn't really give me the vibe of someone "fierce" or "mean" as I've seen some people think? Just like you I feel like he's one of the members that I don't "know" much about lol.

man I’m glad I’m not the only one. I see so many dark fic/dead dove writers I follow that get shit from readers all “WHY WOULD U WRITE *INSERT IDOL* THAT WAY?!? HE’D NEVER DO THAT, YOU MUST NOT RLY BE HIS FAN!!!”

first of all……its fucking fictional and oppa will likely never know abt some fic with a few thousand hits outs of the millions out there especially not some fic written in english posted an a website as obscure as ao3 jfc.

I agree with you, bc look @ the way fans treat idols that speak great English. its so embarrassing.. like that is not our friend, dont speak to them in a manner you would not speak to any harmless stranger💀

I’m super happy when they do share things with us and let us see parts of their personalities even tho it seems to their detriment like JCC, or when Jeno would do JSMR(big asmr fan myself and he wasnt great at it but it was super cute nonetheless), and Jungwoo’s segment with other idols/especially the ghost hunting one bc I’m a big Ghoul Boys stan I loveeee watching that type of stuff. like this is content they can do that is very niche and targeted without oversharing… I would like more of that!!!

I think where SM went wrong with NCT too in this regard is- kpop stans need content to stay interested and devoted. we barely started getting unit based shows after they separated the youtube channels for each unit and imo a lot of them were awkward to watch. idrc who doesnt agree with me on this but 127 do not all like each other and that is okay. its okay for kpop groups to be just coworkers.. this is their job afterall. also, a lot of them do not like being on camera unless they have to, understandable but also… ur an idol, suck it up.

okay the topic of “undesirable to their usual persona”

Satan help me, bc this one!!!!! THIS ONE. I really really really hate when fans back each other up like a gang go bury anything to could prove their idol isnt actually this perfect clean cut industry image(dating, clubbing, smoking, drinking, partying… living a normal fucking life).

the one abt Jungwoo being manly off camera, even how they have said he’s the most different off camera, even the rumors he’s been caught up in. as one of the few hetero(at least bi bc….hey if woo and Johnny wanna go both ways, PLSSS PLSSSS PLSSSSSS LET ME WATCH PLSSSS) Jungwoo truthers out here in the world, trust me… I gave up a long time ago. I have to enjoy him silently without engaging with other fans. even friends of mine who love 127 would laugh and make comments when I’d say Jungwoo is my bias and I’d be like?????😭(side note they let it go once I showed them my Jungwoo videos and were like oh!🤔 this isnt giving gay energy at all🤨). either way ITS HELL OUT HERE IN N CITY FOR A JUNGWOO STAN, I’LL TELL U THAT.

I stick to my beliefs that Jeno is probably not the nicest person given his behavior with the dreamies but also they are friends but also friends can be pretty harsh towards each other. I think as a fan he’s one of the best idols to stan, SUPER nice and great fan service, doesnt come off disingenuous at all either. I think he’s really talented and again, this is something I’ve learned to keep to myself as this fandom loves to make a few members the resident punching bag, Jeno being at the top of that list. saying Jeno is talented out loud in N city is like begging to be doxxed and ratioed atp🙄 same goes for Jaemin unfortunately.

other than me truthfully enjoying the way Jeno raps(gasp) and his range/tone+how powerful he is on stage/very fun to watch and finding him attractive I dont care much abt learning more. we dont even speak the same language😅

[bongwooder]

idk I guess I could make an official post about it since I've been basically regressing to 12 year old me anyways and she LOVED to overshare on this godforsaken website

click more for ramblings if ur curious! definitely interested in hearing others perspectives since I am very socially isolated rn compared to most people I guess

ever since my ADHD diagnosis and possible autism diagnosis I've just been thinking a LOT about my life including my gender and sexuality. like, ever since my parent's divorce in 2022 I've been unravelling a lot of trauma I didn't even know I had, including how my roommate has helped me realize truly how emotionally neglected I was a child. it is NOT normal for a child to be online essentially 24/7 from ages 8-18. I think I really did some serious damage because my parents were too fucked to bother to check on me and make sure I like... went outside. had friends. showered. basic hygiene etc etc etc and of course I didn't know any better because uuuhhh children need to be TAUGHT things not just yelled at to do it or made fun of for their unknown disability. and I've been going through points of time where I'm MAD. like, PISSED. that my parents let me do that to myself. a little insecure neurodivergent girl searching, yearning, begging for ANYTHING to explain her inability to cope with reality and sensory overload, to socialize and make friends at school, to feel like her life had meaning and that what was not known at the time to be symptoms of her disability weren't just personal failures

so, of course, I feel like the moment I realized I may have a group that would actually accept me as I was, I latched onto it. and that was my beginning identifying as transgender. I've said this before to irl friends, but my thoughts at the time were "well I'm a completely well adjusted intelligent person [child], but I can't seem to get along with my female peers, so I must be a male actually!" but then like... idk why I always failed to realize the boys didn't like me either?? so it's not "girls don't like me because I'm too masculine and boys don't like me because I'm too feminine" it was actually just "no one likes me because I'm autistic"

and it's strange because I feel like the physical dysphoria felt VERY real, hating my chest and my genitals, but also like... I went through puberty kinda early and also bc I was fat I "had" to wear a bra VERY early. so I think I was resenting the sexualization of my body and coping with the fact that boys paid me 0 mind in any sort of dating context when that became relevant. So I think my dysphoria was actually more like dysmorphia?

and I think I only ever "hated pink and girly things" because I so desperately wanted attention from ANYONE, for SOMEONE to ask me what's wrong or why I thought that way, for someone to tell me it's okay to be a girl even though I'm fat and autistic. and it just never happened. and I grieve for that little girl who never felt like she could express herself in fear of what people would think bc she truly had no positive adult figures in her life. and I can't help but feel deep anger for the teachers around me who didn't realize just how deep the damage was, or if they did and told my parents and THEY chose to do nothing, I feel deep anger with them.

I thought maybe if I could just be a boy I didn't have to worry that much about being attractive to boys or being skinny or being pretty. then I could just be myself! and I think that did serve a purpose for its time.

I don't regret identifying as trans or any social transitioning I have already done. I love being Ollie, although I do wonder if another name may suit me better in these times. I know I'll always have an unconventional self expression but I just wonder what it would be like to be an independent adult woman because I've never been that, and I've never had adult women friends that have reached a level of platonic intimacy with me where I can discuss this and explore it with someone who has always lived as a woman! i yearn to decorate my body and dress myself in ways that reveal the the body I am proud to have carry me day by day no matter how large. I yearn to sink into softness and receive love, I don't want to fight for reciprocation. I don't want to be codependent but I just want to feel taken care of for once in my life instead of feeling like I'm crawling and clawing my way through life not knowing where the hell I'm going. I don't even know what womanhood/femininity MEANS but I want to try it! I think I'd enjoy it! do I have permission to try it? am I allowed to enjoy it? I hate that I need to be "brave" and "resilient" just to exist in my fucking body and brain. I resent the poisoned masses for resenting me but I know I know kindness and i know I am beautiful and I know I can provide happiness for others, I'm just also ready to be provided for too from a woman just as strong and beautiful and intelligent and kind and funny

I think I skated my point a little bit but even after saying all this, I don't know if I'll ever feel "cis." i think my life played out how it needed to for me to get here and now. my biggest fear is "coming out as cis" and having everyone who ever doubted my transness or invalidated me (including my own family) tell me "I told you it was a phase" because YEAH, MAYBE IT WAS. but at least I've been actively trying to listen to my body and brain to build the life I think will make me happiest in the context of my consciousness. and I just want to surround myself with people who trust me and know I'm smart and know this is something I think about deeply before projecting

all this to say I have a lot of work to do, and I'm excited to do it, cis or trans

[sh4tt3rg1rl]

Hey

It's been a while since you saw my face

I haven't been doing so great

So I took a little break

A lot of people are saying some things about me that aren't quite true

Doesn't matter if it's true, though

Just as long as it's entertaining to you, right?

You guys having fun?

All aboard the toxic gossip train

Chugging down the tracks of misinformation

The toxic gossip train

You got a one-way ticket to manipulation station

Toxic gossip train

Tie me to the tracks and harass me for my past

Those rumors look like facts if you don't mind the gaps

I won't survive in the crash, but hey

At least you're havin' fun

Uh, hi, everyone

I've been wanting to come online and talk to you about a few things

Um, even though my team has strongly advised me to not say what I want to say

I recently realized that they never said that I couldn't sing what I wanna say, so

Here I am, and, um, today I only wanna talk about the facts

So, I hope that you'll be willing to listen

Here we go

Many years ago, I used to message my fans

Uh, but not in a creepy way like a lot of you are trying to suggest

It was more of a loser kind of way

Where I was just trying to be besties with everybody

It was kinda like, uh, when you go to like a family gathering, you know?

And there's a weird aunt there who keeps coming up to you and going like "Hey, girl, what's the tea!"

And you're like "Ehhh"

Um, that was me, but in group chats with my fans, it was weird

I've been sharing my life online for over 15 years

I've poured my heart out to you and because of that I feel

Like I'm talking to my friends, but, in the beginning of my career

I didn't really understand that maybe there should be some boundaries there

There were times in the DMs when I would overshare

Details of my life, which was really weird of me

I haven't done that for years, you see

Because I changed my behavior, and I took accountability

But that's not very interesting, is it?

So let's go on the toxic gossip train

The locomotive's fueled with hateful accusations

The toxic gossip train

Steamroll over someone's reputation

Toxic gossip train

Hop on board, but close your eyes, otherwise you'll realize

That the train is made of lies and that person you despise

Maybe didn't deserve to die

But hey, at least you're havin' fun

In all seriousness, I do think it's really important to hold people accountable for their mistakes

Um, y'know, we should hope that everyone can learn from their mistakes

And grow, and change their behavior, and be a better person

This is something that I've always tried to do when I make mistakes

And is something that I will continue to try t- what?

Oh, you don't care? Oh, okay

I thought you wanted me to take accountability

But that's not the point of your mob mentality, is it? No

Your goal is to ruin the life of the person you despise

While you dramatize your lies and monetize their demise

Yeah, um, I feel like I can already hear the comments on this video

"She's gaslighting, manipulating!"

"Ugh, she's a narcissist and a rat!"

"I would never make a mistake like that."

Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realize

That all of you are perfect, so please, criticize me

Bring out the daggers made from your perfect past

And stab me repeatedly in my bony little back

I'm sure you're disappointed in my shitty little song

I know that you wanted me to say that I was 100% in the wrong

Well, I'm sorry, I'm not gonna take that route

Of admitting to lies and rumors that you made up for clout

"Hey everybody, I found someone new to harass

She did some things that I do not like, in her past

So everybody, gather 'round, 'cause we're about to attack"

But not based on facts, oh no

Your loaded lethal weapon is your fingers on the keys

You don't need any armor when you can hide behind a screen

So, shoot me down, quick, with a click, and bam

My reputation's deceased

Uh, I also wanted to take a minute to talk about that girl, Miranda Sings

You know the one, yeah her

Uh, she's PG-13, it says that on my website

And it's always been that way

And that's why you won't find my videos on the YouTube Kids app

Anyway, um, I didn't realize it was my responsibility

To decide what was appropriate for every kid to see

I've always relied on parents to decide if they're comfortable

With their families watching my YouTube videos or coming to my live shows

Now, have I made some jokes in poor taste? Yes

Have I made lots of dumb mistakes? Yes

Am I sad that there's some fans that feel betrayed? Yes

But was my intention to manipulate? No

It doesn't really matter what my intention was

'Cause it seems as though everyone's already decided on that

Let me tell you, it's not very fun to have millions of people all over the world

Call you the most vile, horrendous, disgusting, life-ruining words

That a person can be called, in my opinion

Um, it doesn't matter that these things aren't true

Uh, everyone just believes that you are the type of person who manipulates and abuses children

So, I just wanted to say that, um

The only thing that I've ever groomed is my two Persian cats

I'm not a groomer, I'm just a loser

Who didn't understand I shouldn't respond to fans

And I'm not a predator even though a lot of you think so

Because 5 years ago, I made a fart joke

So, even though I know this video won't change anyone's mind about me

I still felt it was important to come on here and defend myself a little

And take accountability

And I also wanted to say that

To anyone out there who has ever supported me in any capacity

I really, really appreciate you, thank you

For what it's worth, I never had any bad intentions

But I do feel like shit

The toxic gossip train

Chugging down the tracks of misinformation

Toxic gossip train

You got a one way ticket to manipulation station

Toxic gossip train

You tied me to the tracks and harassed me for my past

Rumors look like facts when you don't mind the gaps

I won't survive in the crash, but hey

Hope you had some fun

Actually, y'know, I feel like maybe I should let you guys know something, um

Seems like, maybe you're confused about something? I don't know

Let me try to help, um

Sometimes people make a mistake and it doesn't make them a horrible person, whoa

Sometimes people can make a mistake and they're still a good person

Crazy, I know

Sometimes people can make a mistake and you don't have to take that mistake, oh no

And twist it up, and grind it, and add some lies to it, and pulverize it

And stab it with knives, and ruin a life, and, oh no

Sometimes people can make a mistake, it doesn't mean you gotta send them hate, oh no

Sometimes people can make a mistake and you can kindly let them know, and help them to grow

Sometimes people make mistakes, simply because they made a mistake?

And that mistake doesn't make them a terrible human

It just makes them a human

But what do I know?

Fuck me, right?

WHY DID YOU SEND ME THSI LKFOSIDJFJ

[snallavanta]

thank you lovely emelia @frogprincesnowglobe for tagging me 💗 i will take any advantage to overshare on the internet

Where were you born? singapore

Are you named after anyone? nope

What's your eye colour? brown

What sports do you play/used to play? i played floorball in high school (i sucked at it but it was fun). and i jump rope now if you could call that a sport

Favourite subject in school? i love english. i had the best english teacher and he sparked so much joy for the language. it kinda sucked when i changed english teachers later on, and the subject felt more like a chore than magic.

i also liked history but don't ask me if i remember anything. the stories were fun but not the memorisation and essay writing.

How tall are you? 166cm/ 5'4

Do you use sarcasm a lot? sometimes! but i fear some people may take it seriously so i don't use it as often now

What's the first thing you notice about people? hair & makeup (if they have any!)

Scary movies or happy endings? happy endings, how is scary movies even an option???

Any special talents? gonna copy emelia and say that i can knit really well 🤪

What are your hobbies? i knit & read & i also like making videos (when they don't stress me out) & i also blog (like on website & all that jazz, yes very old school)!

When was the last time you cried? probably on the last day of YR filming when the cast were posting all their sappy posts. then i proceeded to watch s2ep4 and the part after simon sings his song and the most beautiful boy plays is the biggest punch to my gut. that scene gets me every time.

Do you have pets? i have a cat!!! her name's sha and she's a mix with a ragdoll and something else i can't remember. she's the best cat ever except she never lets me cuddle her. some cats have separation anxiety; this cat has leave-me-alone syndrome.

the pic on the left is her together with a sweater i'm knitting that'll have her face on it!!!!!

Do you have kids? nope

Dream job? i haven't really decided but i'd love something that's got to do with social media, graphic design & content creation!

[wakanai]

Ok ok, i want to do a little interview with you as well

How long have you been in the bsd fandom?

Who is your favorite character in bsd?

What other anime do you like/is your favourite?

Quick! Your favourite character ever(name them) is held at gunpoint and you need to sing a song you love word for word or they die. Which song do you choose?

Whats something you would never want to change about yourself, no matter how much time passes?

Answer however you like or dont answer at all, no pressure <3

OH MY - HIT ME IN THE HEAD W THE PERSONAL QUESTIONS SKDKS

alr 😭✌️

I've been in the bsd fandom since...2018/2019 I think. I started with the anime. I remember being so early that at that time, almost all the bsd reviews were negative. I went to reddit, I think I went to my-anime-list too, and other websites and it was full of negative reviews. So I went into bsd with a rather "eh" mindset 😅 but I was bored that time and had nothing else to watch and I saw it on Netflix so yeah 👍

Hihi 🤭🤭🤭🤭 if you stalk me long enough, you may find that my bsd blorbo 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 is non other than Oda Sakunosuke. I love that man to pieces fr 💖 I love the fictional version I made of him in my head even more 🤭

Other anime that I like is Hunter x Hunter. Childhood anime was Sailormoon 💖 and Princess Sara. I was also once obsessed with Cedie the little prince (its an old anime). Besides those, I don't remember much anime that I was rlly invested on. Though I did watch JJK the movie and season 1 ❤️

A song I love? Here's the thing - - I don't really have a favourite song. I have different 'top songs' depending on the genre. 😭 But one song that comes to mind rn is 'I am not a robot' by Marina and the Diamonds

Oh. Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh. You saved the best for last I see 👀👀👀👀 uhmmmmm 😭😭😭😭😭 one thing I have that I would never want to change about myself? hmmmmm...errr....wait..

my faith in God ig? (I'm christian and God's played a big role in my life so idw lost that ❤️) Besides that, I would say my 'desire' to keep on improving myself. (like even when I fall to new lows or am actively enjoying self destructive behavior, there's always that little desire that makes me want to stop and get better. I think everyone has this in a way but yeah, Idw lose this thing and submit completely to misery 😄✌️. Like I could *fail* hard on one day and feel awful abt it but after a while, I'll feel like trying again). <<<< this is me regarding my (sort of) unhealthy eating habits lmao 😭

Thank you for the ask!!

since I love oversharing, I will also share random things abt myself

I wish I didn't overthink that much

I wish I was more confident 🤭

^^ Ik I'll be better at these things in the future tho so might look back on this and feel nostalgic 🤭💕❤️

Oh one more random fact:

I'm kinda dense and I didn't even notice someone hated me last yr lol 🤭 oh well. not my problem honestly 💅✨

thanks for the ask again wonxxx ✌️😺

(your bio is so real. I also post stuff with the intention of looking back on it someday) 💐

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

[chaserofstarsandtheabyss]

2 n 3 for the ask game

Heyyy anon you did not specify, however, since I enjoy oversharing, I shall do it in both categories

2. screenshot the tabs you have open

Kinda difficult to see but these are the 3 email addresses I use. One for school, one for personal, and one for my chosen name (I'll likely switch over to this one but I also use it for online stuff). Also since it's difficult to see: It's basically, the website I use for school assignments, various google docs and slides, college financial aid stuff, article on James Van Der Zee, and my little hellsites.

3. the last text you sent to someone?

I'm currently texting my friend so by the time I send this, it may have changed.

"So my mother decided to reach out to you"

2. whats your favorite flavor of ice cream?

It changes frequently but I do love a good coffee ice cream, or mint chocolate chip. I'm not sure, I'm indecisive.

3. whats your favorite color?

Purple

[nightfallsupon]

It's like the bad things done to me are an imposition upon her.

I question myself if I overshare, but the truth is the world should be more aware of the realities and difficulties stacked upon people who have been broken by their families and inhuman systems. I was so close to being on the street, and it didn't feel like my family even cared. I don't feel safe anywhere because of what men have done to me. Sexually assaulted, abused, stalked, assaulted. What else could go wrong? I could be murdered I suppose. The drugs make me kinda numb to it all, though I cry basically every day. I think if I felt it all now after everything they did to me, I would probably die. So I guess now that they've all harmed me so intentionally, the drugs have become an addiction for my body that without them now after so long of being forced to have them i think withdrawals and actually feeling the true terror of what is happening and what people have done to me etc. could very well kill me. Though my life isn't any more liveable currently with them.

Feels like they've gone to war with my body. And what's been done to it now I don't want to live with. I also won't wait years for things to get better because it's too painful to live like this no matter how loved I am. In 2016, I had a website saved in my Google of how to die by carbon monoxide. I'm scared to die, but I'm just existing currently in pain. All the promises in the world mean nothing if they never arrive. It's not a threat. It's just well for this life to continue this way for even another year, I already know my choice. It's the truth, that's all. It's not a life I want, and I do have a choice in that, at least because all other control has been taken from me. Obviously, it's all a great source of pain for me. All I ever wanted was just to be loved, and it just never got here. We all make choices. Mine just might be that I relinquish my life since they won't relinquish their control. 🤷‍♀️

[antonballdeluxe]

My Woes on Carrd

It's not too rare for a piece of anything made for professional adults to consume is eaten up by a disproportionate percentage of fourteen year old girls.

But what if it was a website instead, made for businesses, and again, used mostly by the fourteen year old girls of the web? That's Carrd's reputation for you, other than as anyone's extended twitter about me page, a replacement for tumblr about autobiographies, it's the new and hip way to introduce yourself to the web.

Easy to use, drag and drop, place, write, style, done. That's your page! Kinda like a very easy version of Neocities. And again, this was made for...businesses. Professionals. People with things to do, products to sell. And then Twitter came along, realized that unlike their site, Carrd has no precious character limit to describe every bit of your personality and life and market yourself as a niche micro celebrity, and went at it. That's what Carrd is now, the about me's, the kinlists, the do not interact if pages.

It's basically a more lame, watered down, and sensitive as fuck Neocities.

So why does Carrd piss me off?

Well, it's mostly the ones who use it who piss me off, but there's so many things I could discuss involving the site itself. For one, there's a definite lack of freedom, as with all code-free drag n' drop editors of websites or games or whatnot. They're easy for normies to use, but at the cost of freedom. You have plenty at the disposal, sure, but the general layout and look of the site means that with what they give you, there's only a few designs that will look good, pleasing, or bring the eye towards the guy who made it. And you've probably seen them everywhere. Oh, look at it, it's just like a file viewer and a window, except pastel mint! And there's a Korean girl in the upper left corner! Sooooo pleasing, I guess. Oh, what about roman numerals instead of any descriptor to your pages? Now I'm sure to see what anime boy is literally you before finding if you want me to follow you or not. And don't get me started on the disaster known as scenecore or any -core for that matter. Webcore carrds are genuinely ironic.

But what if you want to do more than this? What if you...wanted a custom cursor? Or things falling in the background? Music on the page? More than 50 drag n' drops on your bio? Well, better coin up, sucker. Carrd Pro time. That's their subscription services that the cool and edgy kinnies use and share accounts with their friends and groomers to get all of that done, because simply embedding cool fancy code is paywalled. And having more than three sites. And not having a "Made with Carrd" thingadoo on the bottom of everything. And uploading content over 2MB or whatso. There's still a file size limit, even on the biggest tier. Fuck, even having a favicon is paylocked. And all of this comes for about twenty dollars a year, or if you want to get really fancy and go for an even bigger plan with bigger files and more sites and even more ways to build a website that you could learn from 2-4 hours on W3Schools, fifty a year. Some of this is useless knickknack for bragging rights, but some of it is literally just how websites should work. You can't download your Carrd without hucking up the fifty, by the way.

So basically, get limtied to a few styles because nothing else sucks, and pay 20 a year to have little sparkles when you click. What a wonderful way to make money.

Go back to why people who use it suck, Lobst.

So, about the people who use Carrd. The entire brain process of using Carrd to explain who you are has lead to an epidemic of forgetting your elementary-middle school internet safety lessons, and now, oversharing is the norm. I've seen people use NOT oversharing on your Carrd as a bullet point on a call out, mostly dealing with race, which is as expected knowing that I read Twitter callouts for fun. I've gathered a few examples here of the new norm of "who am I online?", where instead of introducing via talent and hobby, it's your identity points.

Notice how none of these really have a catch, a reason to be mutuals. Of course, they're on another page, but it still feels sad and silly that the first thing you see is enough information to doxx a few of these individuals. Did you know that you only need one's age, state, and first name to wittle down the results to around ten or so individuals. Swap around a few of those for other basic identifiers, you can still get a close view at a doxx. That's bad, to say the least.

Not to mention the sheer amount of non-identifying personal information in these bios. Using mental illness as a standpoint, a personality trait, a way to paint one in a romantic sadness, has become all too common. Hell, I did it a year ago, I'm still growing out of all of it, I'm anonymizing myself once more, disconnecting, and it's more than freeing.

But what if I still want to use Carrd?

Well, for one, share as little information as possible about yourself. Your basic information should only really be what you want to be called, and an age approximation. Do not make yourself vunerable to those who can take advantage of that. Fill it up with things you enjoy, so you can easily be found by others that share your hobbies or favorite bands. And for that matter, make sure your page is readable.

Peak example of what to not do with a carrd. Oversharing, nobody needs to know that you wrote that fanfic, because that's disgusting, what the hell do your homework. And about the layout, even taking these screenshots made me need to get an Advil. I'm serious. The background is flashing neons, everything is a gif, sparkles, it's so ugly. There's more to it, and for the faint of heart, here it is. It's become an inside joke within my group.

As a small wrap-up, Carrd isn't to blame as a platform for a lot of the glaring issues with it, well, except the pricing plans, because that's bullshit. Most of the problems with Carrd falls on the user, and if you can avoid those problems, feel free. Or just make a Neocities for that extra freedom, and for a lot of effort. Actually, no, just make a Neocities, gives you great bragging rights as well.

[hermannsthumb]

From horny twitter: Hermann writes a very very detailed review of a vibrator online

not sfw below cut!!!!!!!!!!! 

----------------------------

Now, usually, Newt doesn’t mess around when he’s on the clock, because that’d be very unprofessional of him and that’s totally not who he is, but he’s in a little bit of a rut with his current project and could use the distraction. Online shopping is his favorite go-to distraction these days: he can lose himself in size charts and color options and hunts for coupon codes and forget, even for a few minutes, that the end of the world is accelerating towards them at an intimidating rate. Plus, he can write off half his shit as work-related expenses. Win-win. Though maybe not this particular search.

Newt has a pretty reliable arsenal of sex toys he’s used on rotation since he packed up and shipped across the world for the PPDC, but the ten-year warranty vibe he’s used since PhD #3 (and his favorite of the bunch) finally crapped out on him last week after a historically intense fight with Hermann got him historically wound up. Eleven years ain’t bad. After testing out a different charger, poking around in the wiring, and even going so far as to zap it a few times with some sorta-stolen drift tech to see if it stirred any life back into it, he finally decided it was time to just mourn, move on, and buy a new one. (Even if, unfortunately, his particular favorite model was discontinued when the company’s factory was destroyed in a kaiju attack and they never quite managed to recover. More casualties of the war.)

The sex toy market is truthfully booming during the apocalypse. It makes sense, Newt guesses—anything for a distraction. Personally, for Newt, orgasms tend to dampen his own existential dread, even if it’s just for a few minutes. He scrolls idly through a few Top Ten For 2023 listicles on various sex magazine websites to see if anything jumps out at him (some of the recommended toys are dildos he already has, and vibes that are a little beyond his k-sci paycheck), just hoping for something to jump out at him. Apparently he missed out on a limited-edition run of jaeger and kaiju-themed vibes and dildos that came out in early January, which he’s honestly a little pissed about—he’s the top expert on kaiju biology, god damn it! Didn’t anyone want to consult with him about their hypothetical junk? Accuracy matters.

“It’s all off,” Newt mutters grumpily as he examines a 360 view of one of the kaiju dildos. Trespasser. “It’s not even the right color. Fucking amateurs. Did they even try?”

“What are you doing?” Hermann says.

Newt slams his laptop shut. Hermann decided to cut his lunch break short today, apparently. “Shopping,” he says.

“You sounded awfully angry about something, is all,” Hermann says. He clacks over to his half of the lab and shrugs off his big parka, then pauses. “Do you need to...talk about it?”

“No,” Newt says.

Hermann breathes out in obvious relief. “Good,” he says.

He takes his usual spot at his chalkboard and resumes his calculating. Newt re-opens his laptop and scrolls away from Trespasser before he can make himself angry over anatomical inaccuracies again. The jaeger vibes from the collection are pretty cool, actually; the designs are a lot cleaner, and their artistic license is a lot more forgivable. The highest-rated of the set is one obviously (but not enough to invoke copyright infringement, if that can even exist for a jaeger) modeled off of Coyote Tango, with like, a million different settings, and an astronomical cost to match. Newt eyes it enviously. He could be shoving that up his ass right now if he’d just signed up for a stupid email list last year.

He follows the link to Amazon to read through some of the reviews enviously, too. Life-changing; best money ever spent; warranty lasts a lifetime. Ten stars across the board. Sold out, obviously. No idea when it’ll be back in stock. He could get the Striker Eureka model for twice the original cost as when it came out, if he wanted, but the idea of constantly having to associate the twenty-something punk Hansen kid with his intimate affairs makes him shudder.

A nine-star review for the Coyote Tango model from someone named MathLover69 is the only one to make Newt really pause, on account of how absolutely insane it is.

I saved quite a few paychecks to purchase this vibrator, and though the cost is steep, I must say it is absolutely worth it. As opposed to my normal vibrator (here another vibe is linked, and Newt’s eyebrows jump at that price, too), which has only five settings, an admittedly bulky body, and average battery life, the CT2023 has a generous ten, a sleeker design, and charges fully in a matter of minutes. The orgasms I have experienced while using it are higher in quality (and more numerous) than any resulting previously from masturbation, though I have not tried beyond setting six yet. It also works wonders for stress relief. (I have an incredibly irritating colleague, and nothing calms me down so much as a quick round with the CT2023 after a spat with him.)

The body is versatile enough to be either inserted into one’s—

Newt feels heat rise to his cheeks in spite of himself, and he skims the second paragraph of MathLover69’s review to get the gist of it—that there are, uh, plenty of ways to utilize the vibe, that it’s discreet and small enough to wear to work (if you were inclined to do so, as MathLover69 implies he might’ve been) and that when combined with the Yamarashi dildo, the pleasurable experience increased tenfold. Talk about oversharing. Jeez.

My only complaint would be that the design is a poor approximation of the real Coyote Tango, and for that I’ve docked a star. I would recommend this product.

“This guy is a total nut,” Newt says to himself.

“Hm?” Hermann says.

Newt considers the implications of showing Hermann the vibrator listing: Hermann will know he was shopping for sex toys, Hermann will know he was shopping for kaiju and jaeger-themed sex toys, Hermann will know he was shopping for kaiju and jaeger-themed sex toys during working hours a mere ten feet away from him. Embarrassing, but on the other hand, MathLover69’s review is too funny to not share with someone else. “Hey, Hermann,” Newt says, angling his laptop towards Hermann. “Look. Who comments shit like this?”

Hermann descends his ladder carefully and inches up behind Newt’s shoulder, squinting at his laptop screen. He immediately turns bright red. Newt must’ve offended his Victorian sensibilities with the mere suggestion of self-abuse. “Oh,” he says. “Er.”

“Way TMI,” Newt says. “Listen to this line. ‘With the Yamarashi toy inserted into one’s mouth, and the CT2023 inserted up one’s—'”

“Well, how else is one meant to review a masturbatory aid?” Hermann snaps, surprising Newt. He looks oddly flustered. “Details can be—er—helpful. Can’t they?”

“Sure, dude,” Newt snorts. “Except they’re obviously just screwing with people. They literally have a 69 in their username.” He taps at the MathLover69, and doesn’t mention—on behalf of Hermann’s delicate mathematician feelings—that the MathLover part is obviously meant as a joke too.

“Well,” Hermann says. “Perhaps it’s just his—er, their birthdate.”

Newt turns around to stare at Hermann, taking in his red cheeks, his red ears, and the gaze he’s fixed steadily on his shoes. It’s all Newt can do to not to gape at him. “Hermann, you’re kidding,” he says. “Right?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Hermann says.

“You didn’t,” Newt says.

“I,” Hermann stammers. “Well—”

“I didn’t even know you—”

“That I what?” Hermann says.

Newt gives a half-shrug. Hermann doesn’t seem the type to engage in any sort of vice, let alone this kind. And especially not with the type of sex toys he apparently gravitates towards. (If Newt was a little bolder, and had a little less shame and care for hygiene, he might ask to check out the Yamarashi, because anatomical inaccuracies aside, wow that sounds awesome.) “I mean, you know,” Newt says. “You’re kinda you. No offense.”

Hermann takes offense. “I am human,” he says. “I am allowed to masturbate, Newton, and I was merely attempting to educate other customers about the—product—with my thoroughness.” He adds, awkwardly, “My review was voted very helpful, as you can see.”

“Okay,” Newt says with a grin. “I get it. Sorry.”

Hermann marches back over to his side of the lab with a scowl. Newt waits until he’s sure Hermann’s not watching him, and is too distracted by muttering angrily under his breath, to bookmark MathLover69’s page of reviews.

It turns out (as Newt revisits the page later that night, in the privacy of his bunk) Hermann buys and reviews a truly staggering amount of dildos and sex toys, and on top of that, has absolutely zero filter behind the wall of anonymity. It’s to the extent that some of his reviews read like goddamn sexts.

It took me three occasions to successfully work myself up to taking in the entire length…

My orgasm was so pleasurable I alarmed my colleague with the noise I made, who believed me to have injured myself…

The highest vibration setting is a bit of a disappointment…

These are excellent for double penetration…

It also turns out Hermann is a veritable sex fiend. Or at least a masturbation fiend. Judging by his reviews alone, Hermann’s purchased more than a dozen different toys in the past three years alone. That’s four a year. One every three months. That’s not even including buttplugs, which (according to other reviews) he sometimes just wears into the lab (“work”) for the hell of it, which Newt isn’t even going to think about right now. How the hell has Hermann kept this much of his life under wraps? When the hell does he have time to jerk off as much as he apparently does? No wonder they never seem to have any fucking funding; all of Hermann’s paychecks are funneled directly into his—well.

Newt recalls the faux-injury incident Hermann mentioned in a comment with mild embarrassment. No wonder Hermann had been so weird and flushed when he opened his door, and made excuses to say bye to him so quickly—Newt just caught him (oh, boy) immediately following the best orgasm of his life. Well, mild embarrassment, and a little more than mild arousal. What Newt would’ve given to have been there five minutes earlier, to watch Hermann in the act of the best orgasm of his life, to maybe even be the one to cause it…

What Newt would give to use Hermann’s fancy-shmancy vibrator on him, or literally anything from his giant masturbatory arsenal. Or even just watch him use it on himself. Hermann’s just so damned buttoned-up and uptight—it’s all about the contradictions. Juxtapositions. Newt unzips his jeans and sticks his hand down his boxers. “Stupid Hermann,” he moans, as he begins to bring himself off to the image of Hermann with that stupid kaiju dildo down his throat and that stupid jaeger vibe up his ass. Negotiator of peace between the two? Stupid joke, stupid Hermann. Or maybe he’s picturing Hermann showing up to the lab, all plugged up and loose from using a different vibe on himself that morning. Or maybe Hermann pushing two dildos into himself at once. How the hell can he even manage that? Ass his size— “Oh, goddamn it,” Newt moans again, and comes all over his hand.

Whatever. It’s not like Hermann’s ever going to find out about this.

[perap]

iad retrospective

wanted to reflect on my posts from last year on the topic, this includes the ones i made in june, tho the iad post was the one that kicked it off.

like an update. keeping it short, as id rather not ramble too long and only want to address a few things i find necessary, and also purposefully using a very casual tone.

firstly, i deleted all those posts a while ago. it was a mixture of a lot of things. feeling like id overshared, like my tone could be interpreted wrong, that Urge To Just Delete Everything Ive Ever Posted On The Internet getting to me, as it does at times, feeling guilty, etc.

the reason i wanted to try to talk about myself in the first place is bc i simply saw other people doing it, and figured, ive come to accept myself enough, i could do that too. i was kinda hyped up about it, being a... "baby ace" and all. i dont like that phrase but people will understand what i mean if i use it.

the thing is at the time i didnt feel new to the community, iding as ace since about 2015 and all. i thought hey, thats enough experience to know what im talking about.

i actually... didnt know that much about it, at all. hence, baby ace. i didnt even realize how new i was at the time.

the reason for that is because id avoided the community like the plague for the majority of my time on this site. i think its safe to assume why.

i dont want to pretend i wasnt very intensely aphobic, because its still left a massive impact on how i view myself.

in fact, there are a few things that took me a while to realize i felt because it was still so ingrained in my subconscious, even after id gotten "better".

one was incessant criticism of anything aspecs say. picking apart and over-analyzing anything and everything in an attempt to find some kind of issue with it. judging whether or not a post passed some validity test in my brain. and i didnt even realize i was doing it for a long time!

a reason i turned to being so disgusted at "my own kind" was to... "prove" to myself i wasnt an enemy to lgbt people. because i was made to feel that if i identified with aspec labels, i was inherently a threat to them. and i so desperately didnt want that.

the thing is that, i was super confident about being aroace when i first discovered the terms!! i actually remember a night, early on when i first started using tumblr regularly, really scrolling the ace tag for the first time and nearly sobbing at seeing people like me.

there are many other reasons that made me drop the labels for the time i did, such as the isolation and dehumanization that comes with being aspec, the frustration and insecurity of not fitting perfectly into the labels, etc. but the thing that made me burn with hatred for the aspec community was the idea they were harmful, and that i was harmful, too.

some point after making those posts, id felt guilty for not talking about being aro as much as ace. especially since theres a lot of tension between the two groups, aros upset at either being lumped with aces (im pretty sure aro is actually trending right as i post this bc people are tagging ace posts with it) or straight up erased in favor of aces. i think i even acknowledged i didnt talk about it much.

i guess the reason for why id focused so much on being ace and not also aro, was because asexuals are the popular Hot Debate topic. and aros are just kind of ignored, most of the time. so i approached being aspec with the disk coarse in mind... again, terrible habit im trying to unlearn.

ive since been assured that its ok for someone to prioritize parts of their identity over others however they please. but at the same time, ive actually made the effort to read up more on the aromantic side of this website, and i can say ive gained a lot of new insight

another thing id, fairly recently, started to feel guilty over was... my insistence on "aces can still have sex, aros can still like romance" thing...

that incident in the fucking marvel fandom that happened a bit ago, where people were shipping a canon aroace character or something like that?? well, that happened, and aspecs werent happy about it. the shippers were using "aces can still have sex aros can still like romance" as an excuse to ship her, and not in a way that respected her identity, i guess? and well... i cant help but feel bad for perpetuating that idea. i understand the nuances of the situation. people erasing an aspec characters identity vs. an actual real life persons complicated relationship to their orientation isnt the same thing. but still...

if i think of more things id like to say, ill make more posts, for now this is what i have

[all-things-skam]

Jens’ season | Chapter one

Tuesday, January 7th

Winter break had quickly gone by and school was already starting again - much to the boys' displeasure. The return to school was tough for some, their sleeping schedules being messed up from staying up late after partying all winter break.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t so cold that morning. Jens and the boys stood outside the building, chatting as they waited for the first bell to go off. Moyo was kinda falling asleep, and Robbe had this huge, bright hickey peeking out of his hoodie.

''Nine times? Don't you think that's a little bit exaggerated?'' Jens said, not quite believing Aaron’s story.

''I'm telling the truth. We fucked all night long. It was... wow. Orgasm over orgasm over orgasm ove-''

''Okay, okay. We get it,'' Robbe interrupted, putting a stop to Aaron's detailed night with Amber.

Aaron scoffed. ''You're just jealous you and Sander have never had a torrid night like us.''

Since getting together with Amber, Aaron didn’t seem to be able to stop talking about her. It was all he talked about now: her - and what they did together in bed. Jens got him. Truly. Losing your virginity is a big moment - more so when your first time was with the girl you've been after all year. However, the boys didn't need - nor want - to hear every little detail of his and Amber's sexual life. The curly haired one had always been an oversharer, but now that he was dating Amber, it was worse - if that was even possible.

Robbe's cheeks flushed, flashing back to his night at the penthouse. If only they knew...

''Girls bodies are different, Robbe.''

''Are they? I didn't notice,'' the brunet responded, light sarcasm out

Moyo laughed. ‘’And you? What’s going on with Jana? You two were quite cozy on Saturday,’’ he said, raising his eyebrows knowingly, because everyone had seen the two making out in a hallway at the party.

Jens shrugged, having not much to tell. ‘’I don't know. We're letting things flow and seeing where it'll go, I guess,’’ he replied, brushing it off. ‘’We don't want to go too fast and make the same mistakes.”

He had kinda got back together - if you could even call it that - with Jana at Robbe's Christmas party, sharing a kiss again for the first time after months of flirting and dipping toes around each other. It took them a long time to want to try again, kiss again, but they were glad to have waited.

Even though breaking up had been hard as hell, it was the right thing to do. Their relationship had become toxic; Jana's guilt and paranoia had to stop. They had reached a state where staying together was only causing pain and although it broke their hearts to come to this conclusion, sometimes, love wasn’t enough.

‘’If you and Jana get back together, we could all go on a triple date. You, me, Robbe, Sander and the girls,’’ Aaron suggested, already looking forward to the non-agreed date.

Robbe shook his head, not on board with this idea. ‘’Sander and I are not going on a date with you and Amber.’’

‘’Jana and I are taking things slow. We’re not going on a date anytime soon,’’ Jens reminded him.

Dates had never been their thing either, being barely fifteen when they started dating - and, like, very broke. The closest to a date they ever had was watching movies on a laptop. The freezing screen and adds for pornographic websites weren’t what you’d call romantic.

Aaron furrowed his eyebrows. ‘’Sander is practically a part of the Broerrrs now and Jana and Amber are friends, so why not-’’

‘’Because Sander can't stand Amber,’’ Robbe blurted out, having enough of walking on eggshells concerning the two. Sander had made it clear the day they met at Seaside that he didn’t like Amber. He found her too bossy and annoying for his taste.

Between them, Moyo made ‘oooh’ sounds, adding drama to the on-going spat.

Their conversation was drowned and ignored as Jens looked away, eyes falling on a boy with dark blond hair and a denim jacket. Jens didn’t know why, but he couldn’t help looking at him. There was something on this unknown boy that drew his attention and gave him an odd sensation he couldn’t quite explain or understand. What the fuck?

''Who is that?’’

As if on cue, the unnamed teenager looked back at him, giving Jens a good look at his face. He was all angular jaw and tousled, curly fringe.

‘’Some new kid that just moved here from the Netherlands. I think his name is Lucas,’’ Aaron responded, for once being aware of the latest gossips. ‘’Why?’’

Jens shrugged, tearing his eyes from Lucas, turning back to the boys. ‘’Curious. Hadn’t seen him here before.’’

.

Wednesday, January 8th

Hood on, Jens stood outside Lotte's school, waiting for her to get out. His mom had messaged him, asking to pick up his sister after school because she replaced someone at the hospital and couldn't pick her up. Jens didn't mind - and it helped ease his mom's mind. Lotte was only eight, still a bit young to walk by herself.

There was ten minutes left before Lotte would be released, so Jens pulled out his phone, seeing new messages from the Broerrrs group chat.

Moyo: BOYS!! We need to find an idea for the next vlog. We haven't put anything up since the start of exam week…

Robbe: The vlogs... I forgot about those

Moyo: Maybe if you’d stop sucking face with Sander for a minute

Robbe: We’re NOT always kissing…

Aaron: That’s all you two did on break! I even saw Sander wiping his mouth at a party 😏🍆💦

Robbe: WHAT?!

Jens: As if you and Amber were any better

Moyo: So? Anyone has ideas for the vlogs?

Aaron: What about a mukbangs? Can we do mukbangs?

Moyo: No mukbangs

Aaron: Why not? They’re cool to watch

Moyo: Maybe, but it’s fucking expensive, man. Do you have any idea how much food we need to buy to do mukbangs?

Jens: Yeah, you could barely afford McDonalds last friday 😂

Aaron: Fuck you!! Unlike you, I had a Christmas present to buy for my girlfriend

Moyo: We could do a twister? Have you guys seen the painful twister challenge?

Robbe: Painful twister?

Moyo: It’s like twister, but when you fall, you do a ‘painful’ challenge like eating a hot pepper or going in an ice bath or even waxing a leg

Jens: My sister has a twister mat, I’ll bring it

Moyo: We’re doing it?

Jens: Fine with me

Robbe: Same

Aaron: We’re not gonna do too painful things, right? Please no electric shock

Jens: Electric shock it is!

Moyo: Sunday 2pm at mine?

Robbe: Can’t. Sander and I are having lunch with my dad

A bell went off and the gates opened, freeing everyone. Then, a huddle of kids hurried out of the school, accompanied by a hubbub of voices and laughters. They ran toward their busses while others walked on the sidewalk, heading home by themselves.

‘’Jens!’’ a cheery voice called in the distance.

He looked up from his phone and smiled as Lotte ran in his direction, happy smile on her face. Her beanie was pulled down too much, almost covering her eyes. Jens let out an ‘oof’ as his sister collided into him, hugging him by the waist.

The brunette pushed up her beanie so she could see better. ‘’Where’s Mama?’’ Lotte asked with a frown, not seeing her around.

‘’Someone was sick and she had to replace them at the hospital. It’s gonna be just the two of us tonight.’’

Lotte pouted, her sad face tugging at Jens’ heart. ‘’She’s always working.’’

‘’I know... What do you say we watch Frozen 2 tonight?’’ Jens offered, knowing how much his sister wanted to see it since it came out in theaters.

Her eyes brightened and face lifted immediately at the mention of the Frozen sequel. ‘’For real?’’ Jens nodded. ‘’All my friends saw it during Christmas break and I’m the only one who didn’t. I have to plug my ears every time they talk about it because I don’t want to get spoiled. Mom said she’d take me, but never did.’’

Jens chuckled, easily imagining Lotte trying to block the spoilers. ‘’Well, you can tell them all about it tomorrow.’’

‘’Yes! You’re the best brother.’’ She went for a second hug, jumping excitedly.

Most siblings who are on opposite ends of the age scale have trouble getting along. Having this much of an age gap means having very different interests. Teenagers tend to need space and don't like their stuff to be touched while children are always in the mood to play and a bit invasive - or curious.

It wasn't the case for Jens and Lotte. Jens loved being an older brother. He took his role very seriously and fully embraced the protective big brother role.Sure, she was annoying at times, always asking questions about everything - but she was eight years old, what could one expect?

Despite that, Jens loved spending time with her whether it was helping with homework or watching movies in their pajamas during the weekend. Nothing made him happier than seeing a big smile on his Lotte’s face - except maybe knowing he was the one that made it appear.

.

Thursday, January 9th

''Left hand on blue,'' Robbe called, being the first to spin the wheel.

Instead of playing the classic way, they decided to all move for every spin. It was more fair to measure everyone's flexibility and endurance. So far, Aaron was losing sorely, having chosen a farther blue circle than necessary.

Jens snickered, seeing his friend's move. Had he ever played Twister?

''Right hand on red.''

This one was easy, at least when you started the right way. Now, Aaron was already struggling, thanks to Moyo, who purposely picked the red circle closer to Aaron.

''I was going to use that one!''

Moyo shrugged. The two others laughed. ''We never agreed to play fair, did we?''

Robbe spun the spinner, watching as Aaron attempted to slide his hand under Jens's chest to reach the other red circle. ''Left foot on green.''

Jens carefully elongated his leg back, putting the asked foot on a green circle, succeeding. Robbe gave him a thumbs-up, but when he turned back to the boys, Moyo's ass was right in his face. He grimaced. ''No... Move away! Get your ass out of my face, man.''

''I can't. It's Aaron's fault. He messed the whole game up when taking the wrong circle,'' Moyo justified.

Guilty, Aaron laughed. ‘’What, how am I supposed to-’’ He was cut off, losing balance when he moved his leg and ended up falling on top of Jens. ‘’Fuck.’’

Robbe snorted. ''And you said you had gotten more flexible now that you’re having so much sex.''

‘’I am. It’s just- The mat is slippery, okay? It wasn't my fault,'' he tried to defend, but it didn't matter because he had fell anyways. First loser.

“That’s what happens when you don’t take off your socks, man.” Moyo laughed, gesturing to everyone else's bare feet.

Standing from the mat, Jens went to grab the wax strips he bought for the video and held them high for the camera. ‘’Wax time!’’ he and Moyo declared at the same time.

He warmed the wax strips with his hands as Aaron rolled up one of his pant’s leg, revealing a very hairy limb. Jens shared a look with Robbe, looking forward to see their friend suffer. He put the wax strip on Aaron’s leg, smirking. There was no going back, now.

‘’Want me to pull it slowly or one shot?’’

‘’Go slow-’’ He was cut off as Jens didn’t listen and pulled it one shot, making Aaron’s leg throb in pain. ‘’Ow!’’ Aaron curled on himself, holding his - now hairless - leg as if it would lessen the pain. ‘’Holy fuck! Why do girls do that to themselves? That shit hurts.’’

Once Aaron had semi recovered from his waxed leg, Moyo took Robbe’s place and spun the spinner, going for a second round.

‘’Okay, Broerrrs, let’s start.’’ Moyo rubbed his hands together excitedly, watching as the arrow circled around and stopped on a color. ‘’Right foot on yellow.''

Again, Aaron didn’t seem to get the rules of the game and used the yellow in Jens’ part of the mat. ''Aaron, what the fuck? This was my yellow,''

Robbe and Moyo laughed as Aaron removed his foot and chose another one. Someone,please, help this child...

After a couple rounds, their asses were in the air, resembling the downward-facing dog position. While it was semi-comfortable position, the next move wasn't.

''Left hand on green.''

Jens, being taller than the other two, was able to reach the green circle. He grinned as he watched Aaron and Robbe struggling. By some miracle, they reached a green circle as well and the game continued.

The next to fall was Robbe, toppling over and causing everyone to join him on the floor. A hot pepper was presented to him and he had to take a bite. There were tears pooling in Robbe’s eyes at how spicy it was. He was not able to feel his lips for the next two rounds.

Moyo managed to crack his pants in the third round, making a move he probably shouldn't have. Despite the clothing casualty, it was gonna be good laughing content for the vlog.

Then, Robbe accidently put his foot on Jens’s hand and Aaron was caught cheating. He swore he wasn’t aware of the ‘only hands and feet are allowed on the mat’ rule, but the boys decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, not wanting to start an argument.

This was, certainly, a memory to tell.

.

Friday, January 10th

Jens’s bedroom door creaked open, pulling him from his sleep. As he woke up, the echoes of his parents' screaming match became clearer, informing him that his dad was home. It’s been like this since December. Jens’s dad had been working at the same office for over fifteen years and, when his boss felt the company’s sales going downhill, he was one of the unlucky employees who got fucking fired. Fired.

Sighing, Jens rubbed his eyes, prying them open, and saw Lotte's standing figure at the foot of his bed, waiting expectantly. It was dark, but he could see the purple giraffe plushie she was holding to her chest. He glanced at the time on his phone: almost 1am.

Sitting up, Jens scooted closer to the wall and lifted his comforter, making room for Lotte. She quickly crossed the floor and crawled under the covers.

‘’Are mama and papa getting divorced?’’ she asked in a small voice.

Jens’s heart sank at her question. He shifted and wrapped his arms around her, fuzzy pajamas tickling his skin. He didn’t know what to say, what to do - he didn’t even know where she’d learned that word. At her age Jens didn’t know what divorce was, less wonder if it was going to happen to his parents.

“Don’t worry Lotte, everything’s going to be okay.’’ His arms hugged her tighter, hoping it would reassure her a little...hoping he was right. He knew that hearing their parents fight so frequently was affecting her more than him, but he didn’t realise just how much more.

.

His skilled hands were under Jana's top, thumb grazing over her unpadded bralette, making her nipple harden. She arched her back as they kissed, trying to create friction between their bodies.

They had escaped to a free bedroom minutes ago, seeking the intimacy and proximity that they couldn't allow themselves in the middle of the party.

This bed wasn't near as comfortable as Jana's, but it did the job for their mid-party make out session. A better choice than the bathroom, at least. In here, no one would bang on the door and yell about needing to use the toilet.

A moan left Jana's lips as Jens kissed down her neck, her bitten fingernails scratching at Jens's back under his tee shirt - why was it still on? Jens smiled smugly, remembering his ex-girlfriend’s body and its reaction to his touch like they never broke up the year prior. Some things just can’t be forgotten.

The loud music echoed inside the room, Travis Scott’s latest hit playing. It wasn’t really a song to bang to, but they weren’t the ones in charge of the playlist, were they?

Jana hooked her leg around Jens’s waist, fingers grasping the sheets as he kissed his way down her stomach, knowing exactly where this was going. ‘’Jens…’’

.

Readjusting his hoodie, Jens ducked out of the bedroom he was in. His hair was probably still messy from Jana running her fingers through it. He pulled out his phone, texting Moyo to ask where they were, in the mood to smoke a joint. Nothing tasted better than a blunt after a blowjob.

At least, at the moment.

‘’Got lucky tonight?’’

Looking up, Jens recognized the new guy at school. Lucas, was it? He was standing in the hallway, red cup in his left hand, leaning against the wall as he raised his eyebrows suggestively, a smug grin on his lips.

Jens frowned. ‘’Uh?’’

‘’I saw your girl leaving the same room and adjusting her shirt a minute ago. Not that I was stalking you. I was just...there, I guess,’’ he explained, bringing his cup to his lips, taking a slow sip.

‘’Oh, you mean Jana?’’ Jens shook his head, correcting him. ‘’She’s not my girl. Not anymore.’’

Lucas hummed, interested in the new information. ‘’So, you’re the kind of guy who fuck with his ex?’’

The question took Jens by surprise. He blinked. Did he hear him right? Who was this guy to assume things about him?

‘’What? We didn’t-’’

‘’Clearly, something happened in there and, by the look of your lips and messy hair, no talking was involved,’’ he said, raising his eyebrows suggestively again before holding his hand out. ‘’I’m Lucas.’’

‘’Jens,’’ he replied, shaking the other boy’s hand.

Before they could carry on with their party small talk, someone hooked their arm around Jens’ shoulder. ‘’There you are! I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Robbe disappeared with Sander and Aaron is sucking faces with Amber.’’

“Here I am,” Jens said, laughing at Moyo’s comment about their friends. “Did you get my text?”

Moyo shook his head, a questioning look on his face. ‘’No…’’

“Do you have the weed?”

“Ah, yes.” Moyo replied, pulling a joint out of his pocket and handing it to Jens, who took it gratefully. ‘’Want some?’’ he asked, nodding at Lucas.

‘’Normally I’d say yes, but I actually should be heading home now.’’ Lucas raised his eyebrows, blue eyes on Jens. ‘’See you around, Jens.’’

Moyo was distracted by someone behind them talking and Lucas took the opportunity to wink at Jens, before walking off and leaving the other boy baffled.

What. The. Fuck.

[tit-is-what-tit-is]

so we all know these three

low key stole they whole fit from these three

so  , what would the combos be like

Purple - disaster gay + disaster bi = rage fulled gay 

will fight you

the mean one but feels bad about it

only knows 4 websites 

dresses well but cheap 

the public cannot tell if he is gay or just a cool guy

absolute heart throb

gives backhanded compliments 

is annoyed by everyone

‘you know i thought you didn’t like me when we first me-’ ‘I didn’t’

texts using proper english

male anime mysterious love internist

so many guilty pleasure shows

mostly anime, chick flicks, and any love based reality tv show

probably watched Sailor Moon as a kid

had a crush on Tuxedo Mask (and wanted to be him when he grew up)

wrote self insert or /reader fanfics in middle school

either has never touched alcohol because he knows bad things will happen or lives off of it

knows 3 languages

forgets them when embarrassed

stronk

waist -> snatched

Green - disaster bi + disaster str8 = ‘you sure hes str8? cause i thought i saw him wit-’

in love with the idea of being in love

cannot tell if he is being flirted with

you know how Phoenix has his sassy (  ) and Larry has the inability to stop talking?

has been arrested man times

gets shit talked a lot

uses ‘y'all’ and ‘ain't’ a lot

male anime best friend

annoying

basically feenie but worse

knows early 2000s tech speak

myspace stalker 

really good at puzzle games???

people think they know him until he offhandedly mentions something about himself

a dumb ass, an idiot, an absolute buffoon, an irresponsible child, ..and . ... . yet ..  ...... ... .. a good man

how????? did he get good scores in college???/

cant read

is he bi or is drunk him gay

accidentally (or ‘accidentally’?) flirts with everyone

will cut or dye his hair on his own at three am

has many wigs to hid his many hair fails

looks like this but green

Orange - disaster str8 + disaster gay = a whole fucken mess bi

do i like you or the you i made up in my daydreams

knows a LOT about useless things

reads wiki pages and edits them on his free time

talks shit and does it to your face

has sudden bursts of confidence

which is the only reason he as ever had sex

has committed many crimes and has yet to be caught

crimes consist of jaywalking mostly

still feels kinda bad about it

male anime protagonist

tries to take control of his life but has given up for the most part and is attempting to go with the flow 

Gifted^tm kid burnout

writes poems

has many aesthetic pintrest boards

*sad NGOOOOH*

uses big words so no one notices the dumb crap hes saying

has managed to bullshit his way through life

overshares

‘oh i didn’t know you're bi!’  ‘neither did i until i left my awful family and went to college :))))’

[igumdrop]

:OO WELCOME EVERYONE!!

okay okay, I know what you guys are thinking -- Jaime, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! HOW CAN YOU MAKE THE SUB-BLOG GO PUBLIC?!?! WHAT HAPPENED TO *THAT* LIST... THE *YOU KNOW WHAT* LIST... 

and my response is... I don’t know what you’re talking about. I never had such a list. 

okay, real talk though, I decided to let my sub-blog go public for multiple reasons: 

♡ no one wants to enter a password that I change constantly

♡ most of what I say I would love to share with my regular viewers who can’t afford to sub, and this is my main source of updating you guys on a more personal basis for those who follow me more on social media and not my stream

♡ I’m incorporating a lot more sub-only things into the community, so I figured I could let one go! 

we’ll see how it goes and if it does start to feel uncomfortable, we can always bring it back :) but there’s little to nothing that I can think of that would make this weird because I don’t overshare that much... I think... HAHA we’ll see

ANYWAYS, REALLY GOOD NEWS! for the past few months I’ve had a little team of subs working on our community Minecraft server! (SO MUCH THANKS TO GOLDEYE, WATTEHMS, MATTY, MAXWELL, BRADLEY, JOSTER <3) I’ll try to log on everyday and just have a habit of keeping it online. I think it’d be cute to be able to log onto something and see everyone in the same world! 

if you’re a sub, please fill out the form that I linked in the discord! it’s also the same form you use to join the gummie gang stream team, and also for me to know what your discord usernames are (a lot of times when you guys message me, your discord username is different from your twitch and I have no idea LOL) there’s also a little response section where you can give me any suggestions you want! (stream ideas, sub emotes, etc) ~ HAVE FUN! 

AND EVEENNNN MORE GOOD NEWS!!!  

WE’LL BE ON FRONT PAGE OF TWITCH THIS THURSDAY!! WEEE!! 

I’ll probably be doing a sit-down cooking stream into a mukbang :) TIME IS TO BE ANNOUNCED BUT IT SHOULD BE AROUND THE TIME FRAME OF 12PM - 2PM OR 2PM - 4PM! I’ll let you guys know as soon as possible on discord. I’ll also be streaming tomorrow/Tuesday and Wednesday so I’ll let you guys know on stream too! 

OK THAT’S IT FOR ANNOUNCEMENTS!~ here are my own personal lil updates

BENJI HAS GROWN SOOO MUCH! okay not gonna lie, he was kinda dying for a bit during the winter, I don’t think he really did well in the cold... his leaves would fall off sometimes and yellow at the ends. I was getting really scared and to be honest I’m so attached to this god damn plant that it was taking a sad mental toll on me. LMFAO. WHY AM I LIKE THIS. anyway, I gave him some fertilizer and stayed consistent with him, watered him whenever I needed to and tried to keep him in warm yet sunny areas of my house. and YAY, SPRING ROLLS AROUND AND HE’S GROWN BIGGER THAN I HAVE EVER SEEN HIM GROW!!! 

before (when I first got him) and now! I’m so proud... only I can write a paragraph raving about my pet plant... jeez it’ll be crazy once I get an actual cat or something... 

there was a really busy week in march where I spent all my leftover time planning Aria’s birthday. it was honestly the cutest thing ever seeing all her friends get together and work on stuff for her. I remember being insanely tired during it but once I saw her reaction for her surprise party, my heart melted and I just told myself wow that was soooo worth it LOL. here’s some pictures from my end <3

we got these GIANT balloons that spelled out ARIA and it took forever to get into the car and out LMAO... excuse my janky no makeup face but it was so funny seeing us struggle so hard with the balloons T_T LOL

we spent hours late at night working on her scrapbook and baking stuff for her. I was working on strawberry cheesecake shoots and I remember cutting 10+ strawberries and thinking, “wow, it would suck if I dropped these,” and then guess what happened... 

I dropped them lmao 

anyways it turned out so wholesome and cute <3 

I found the airbnb on this website called peerspace and when I saw it, it SCREAMED ARIA...

you’re welcome for me blessing your eyes

we seriously worked our *aesthetic* muscle for this because we knew aria would appreciate the heck out of it 

OKAY ANYWAYS MOVING ON!! yesterday I went to h-mart and got a shit ton of groceries. and I realized it’s STRAWBERRY SEASON!!! there’s still a lot of stuff that I want to buy that isn’t available here though, so my mom tries to send me all that she can :D 

I love her so much I miss her so much wahhh I can’t even talk about my parents because I’ll just start crying because I miss them so much ... ok also I was supposed to stream yesterday but I took a nap... and... didn’t... haha... jaimewhatswrongwithyou.exe.... here’s a post-nap selfie though... 

I looked heckin janky but snow saved my ass 

ANYWAY I spent the rest of the night just reading and I finished my monthly book read! here are my two recommendations for you guys :) 

I absolutely love love love this book! it will really help if you’re an overthinker like me. tl;dr, it talks about the inside voice in your head that constantly battles with itself and refers to it as an “annoying roommate.” with consistent reading (a chapter or two before sleeping at night) it really helped me clear my mind and become super aware of how the voice in my head could be more harmful than helfpul. if you’re new to reading it is quite a bit to read though so if you want something easier then I suggest this: 

gosh, my life became so simple when I read this book consistently. it basically shares four simple agreements that you should always be conscious of in life. this book just really helped me not take things as personally, to not make assumptions, and it just gave me a much more simple and clear perspective on things and issues. SUPER SUPER EASY TO READ!!! downfall is, it kinda talks about religion a lot at the end, which might make it uncomfortable for some of you guys. I couldn’t really enjoy the last bits of it that much because of that sole reason but it’s still a great read and taught me lots of fundamentals I never knew I needed for my own mindset :) 

I went to LCS the day before yesterday and it was really fun because I brought a portable cut-out of scarra LMAOOOOOO the thread is really funny so you guys should go read it: https://twitter.com/iGumdrop/status/1114687260434124801

I also did my taxes yesterday (well I finished up what was left of it) during the games LOL and then I went to annie’s place afterwards because her mom is an accountant and she helped me file them. I’m soooo happy I got them over with because I feel so free now! 

hm ok ending these are always hard because it always seem so abrupt, mainly because even my 200 WPM fingers get tired of typing. I guess all I have to say is, hello new readers of my sub-blog, I hope you enjoy your time here! and thank you so much to everybody who supports me. it really means the world to me and I never go one day without insanely appreciating you guys. this month I’ma hit you guys with that dudududuududud GOOD CONTENT! <3

and alas, a few of my favorite cute lil drawings this month from chibird~ 

(+ my community) 

WELL, FAREWELL FRIENDS! TILL NEXT TIME <3 

[joi-in-the-tardis]

Ok this bestie post is BEAUTIFUL and I love you both madly.

Bestie Month Post (for those of you who might have missed it)

You know, as I kid and young adult I think a lot of my friendships were me being “adopted” by someone else- usually an extrovert.  As I’ve gotten older I feel like I’ve gotten a bit better about reaching out and purposefully making friends with people (all across the introvert/extrovert spectrum).  

That being said, as one of the photos in the post shows...

I feel like this is a good place to mention that not only am I introverted, I’m also shy and socially anxious.  Those things don’t all mean the same thing and being one doesn’t mean you are the others.  I just happen to have the whole package deal. lol  One thing this means for me is that I have a hard time starting conversations with people.  It kinda goes one way: I say nothing at all and the crickets drive me mad.  Or the other way: I share to the point where I’m sure I’m oversharing.

Jem pretty much had to tell me we were Besties.  I mean, I knew we were friends.  There was a lot of interaction- both on our blogs and in our chat boxes- that went on before this post was made.  But, how much that means to one person can be different from how much it means to another.  Which kind of means that I’m answering question 2 first or at least along side question 1.  There’s a certain raw honesty that’s required sometimes.  It can be scary.  I know that there have been many times that I’ve written long, personal things to people here and I’ve sat with my finger over the send key and sweated(Jem most certainly included, at least early on).

Without body language clues or fun little coffee dates or trips to the mall it’s hard to know how someone’s going to react to what you say.  However, I feel like the people I’ve gotten the closest to here?  They’re the ones I poured my heart out to.  The ones I made myself vulnerable in front of with only my understanding of who they were (how they present themselves) and hope that they would be as kind as they seem to be.  Those moments when I sat poised, ready to make a run for it if things went south... But, I wound up with virtual hugs and the feeling of actually being understood.

I’m not advocating that you invade the first person’s inbox you find with your most deepest, darkest secrets.  Get to know them a little first.  Follow their blog: put them on notifications.  Comment on personal posts.  Comment about what’s going on with them and add in some stories about yourself, too.  Send a hello message, maybe about something they posted.  See how things go. See if they open up a little to you and return that by opening up yourself.  It’s a two way street and there’s no reason for them to put themselves out there if you’re not willing to at least meet them halfway.  (The same can be said in reverse: don’t expect the other person to constantly listen to you if you’re not willing to listen to them!)

I think you have to remind yourself that people are blogging publicly for a reason.  They could be rambling away in a notebook somewhere.  If they had lots of friends that shared their interests, they would probably be sharing with them instead of here.  We’re here because we want some attention, even if we don’t want to admit that.  And, I think a lot of us want a connection with other people.  Maybe not everyone’s looking for a Bestie, but I bet they are looking for friends.  At the very least, I’m just about positive they’re looking for people who share their interests and want to talk about them.

In my case, Jem had put in her blog description to chat her up any time.  So, one day, when something was really bothering me and I needed an ear?  I sent a message.  Later when something was bothering her, she sent me a message. Somewhere in between, we realized we had way (way, way) more in common than we’d ever realized.  As I recall, the downhill slide in to Bestie-dom happened pretty quickly as we found we could talk to one another and understand each other so easily when most people in our lives could not.

So, I suppose my answer to question 2 is that you’re going to be scared but you have to do it anyway.  (Or, as Carrie Fisher said, “Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.”) Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  And, you have to occasionally be very outright about your affections.  There’s only words here so words are what we have to use.  Have you enjoyed chatting with your friend? As you’re saying goodbye: tell them.  A simply “thanks for chatting” or “thanks for listening” or “I really like talking to you” goes a long way to warming a heart.  Maybe you don’t throw the “Bestie Bomb” out there right away (love ya, Jem!

Okay, so that’s question 2 down.  I’ve peppered question 1 in there, too: Jem shared a lot of herself on her blog and I responded to it.  I commented on photos.  I remembered stories and brought them up later.  I admired and shared her artwork because, by golly, the world should see what my friend can do!  In turn, I got more personal on my blog and Jem returned the favor.  Comments became conversations, conversations became long chats.  Some are silly, some are serious.  Most are both.  There’s an openness we’ve fostered that I think is rare and treasured on both sides.  And, we’re not afraid to tell one another what that means to us.  We’re also not afraid to tell the other (gently!) when they might be in error.  I think a real friendship means honesty even when it’s not a compliment.  It means the other person can count on you to be real.  But that, I think, comes later and with greater trust.

As for question 3...  I think you should monitor your expectations a bit.  Not everyone is going to want to chat with you daily (not everyone has that kind of time!).  Not everyone is going to want you to fly to their house and chill out with their fam for the week (I’m still a bit in awe at the trust required for that!).

Besties take time to cultivate.  Frienships take time to grow.  Start small and work up to it.  If the other person comments back on your comments, maybe send them a message to further the conversation.  Give them time to get back to you.  Respect that they have a life (job, family, IRL friends, pets, hobbies, etc).

With some persistence, trust, time, sharing, and determination I believe anyone can find a good friend here.  I remember being on this website in the years before I ran across Jem (and you, Skyler, among others).  I remember seeing mutuals go back and forth.  I remember seeing those friendships and being absolutely baffled as to how they happened.  How they were maintained.  Across countries and oceans and time zones.  I wondered and wondered.  How?  Maybe it’s not the same for everyone... but, putting my heart out there is how I feel I’ve earned my friendships.  Be it a heart that needed mending or a heart that was ready to help someone else mend.

(Because I’m kinda excited that I can add a photo here that I didn’t get to add to the other post: art and prezzies from my Bestie. I can shamelessly show off a little, right? ;) )

Anything you wanna add, @jemsauce?

[lemongogo]

i have this general rule of thumb where i make myself draw at least One thing a day (whether its a wee sketch or a full on painting) & tonight i didnt want to do anything at all but i kinda forced myself to throw something out there and what started as a chore turned out to be a lot of fun :U

idk why im posting this other than the fact that i habitually overshare on this website & nobody is up rn so EY. but my drawing is of krolia ! i drew her bc shes super pretty and so much fun to draw imo. 

other than the main cast, who is your favorite character? narti is my first choice (obviously), but since she’s kinda. uh . in two pieces rn krolia is my second fav :3