#joi rambles

[joi-in-the-tardis]

Foodie kittens

[neverwholelahey]

so i promised to write down why my ooc tag is outofmemories, and how i came to choose the url i currently have. Cause i have had the same url for nearly a decade now.

I have had this url since around the beginning of 2014. Which is a long time. This blog as a primary blog has been around since August 2013. But I was around before that too. But with a different url, which I also had on this blog for a while. Anyways, so my url is obviously NeverWholeLahey. Lahey is an obvious reason. It's Isaac's canon last name, since he is a canon muse from the Teen Wolf Fandom. The tv show from around 2010, not the movie from the 80's. Yes I'm old. The other two words, never and whole might not be as obvious.

However, we know in canon that Isaac was abused by his father, for quite a long time. And as I started to get to know my version of Isaac better, I realised that you never heal fully from that kind of trauma. Sure you learn to live with it and deal with it. But you never heal, hence the word never. And in the show you could see some mannerisms that spoke of his trauma, even if the writing of his character started to suck the longer he was in the show. But anyways.

The word whole, it comes from the fact that he lost so many people during the course of the two seasons he was on. I never shipped Allisaac and i never will, but that was a big loss (not for my version of isaac tho since i HATE allison on so many levels and for so many reasons) but he lost the majority of his pack. He lost his very best friend, Erica. He lost Boyd who he'd become friends with thanks to Erica, and the fact that Derek bit them and made them his betas. He lost Derek as his alpha, and he lost him as his protector, especially after he pulled a stunt Isaac's dad would do to push him away. Even if it was to try and keep him safe from the Alpha pack. Yet he was still hurt by the alpha pack. Like so much happened to him, and that's not something that you get over easily.

Hence, NeverWholeLahey.

Out Of Memories, which is my ooc tag and has been since around the same time I changed my url, is for an easy reason. Memories is instead of character. Because to me, Isaac's character has a lot of memories, good and bad. Which is why I consider in character being his memories as I write and he makes new memories. While when it's me, the mun, it's out of memories. Because it's not Isaac. It's just me, the mun, Joi. Who is slightly unhinged and also have memories, of trauma, albeit not as bad as Isaac's. It's probably why i relate to him, and why he's stuck around as my muse for as long as he has.

It was popular to have fancy written out ooc tags back then, which is why i thought of one to start with. Just needed to edit to add that in. I just didn't want to be fancy with a bunch of random symbols and stuff.

Now I'm just rambling. but, it felt nice to actually put this down in words. Something that I've been thinking for like a decade. anyways. ENJOY reading this word vomit.

[your-queer-dad]

Hey you. Yes you. You have been through enough, you hear me? You. Have. Been. Through. Enough.

The world has treated you shittily, you go through enough, don't do that do yourself too. Be decent to yourself, kiddo. We've only got one of you and it's the best one we have :]

I love you, I'm proud of you, go make yourself a beverage of your choice and be a little more decent to yourself today <3

- dad x

[thebibliosphere]

One of the really fun and interesting things about writing a polyamorous romance as someone who is ambiamorous/polyamorous is finding new ways to make sure the narrative hits the expected genre beats without just sort of... mushing it into a pre-existing monogamous romance mold, which is what I'm afraid happens a lot of the time.

Trust me, it was my job in the publishing house to make them fit that mold. I hated it.

Reading other poly-centric romances, I can always somewhat tell when someone is writing polyamory from a sexual fantasy aspect (zero shade; I'm here for all the group sex) without actually considering how it functions as a relationship dynamic, which can often come off as... well.

It's lacking for me as a romance.

Erotica-wise, it's fine. But it misses the romantic beats for me that I want as a polyamorous-leaning person.

There's so much emphasis on the polycule and never the individual dyads within the larger relationship.

For example, in a triad, there are actually four relationships to handle.

The dyad between A + B. The dyad between A + C. The dyad between B + C. And the overarching relationship between A + B + C.

With monogamous-leaning authors or authors that've been pressed into conforming to the pre-existing genre beats, there's a tendency to treat the relationship as a homogenous mass where everything is fair and equal, and you treat all your partners the exact same way.

And I get it. It's easier to write everything as peachy-keen and to have external conflict be resolved with either acceptance or a brave confrontation.

But it doesn't always land for me as someone who wants to see my style of love represented in the genre.

In healthy polyamory, either closed or open, each relationship is unique in its own way. Taking the example of a triad again, the way A acts with C likely differs from how A acts with B.

And that's a good thing!

Because C might not want the same things as B, so trying to treat them both the exact same is a surefire way to make sure someone isn't getting their needs met, and that will lead to conflict.

Polyamory isn't striving for equality between partners but rather equity.

What are your individual needs, and how do I meet them, as well as meet the needs of my other partner(s)? What do you want from the larger relationship as a whole? How do we accommodate everyone without making someone feel neglected or uncomfortable? How do we show this in the narrative? How do we make sure character A isn't just treating B the same as C in every interaction? Do they ever fall into that pitfall? How do they remedy it?

It seems like common sense when you write it out like that, but it's a major pitfall I see time and time again. The characters never alternate their approach between partners, if there's any focus on the individuals at all.

The other major telltale thing I've noticed is that taking time to be with one partner is seen as a step down from the "goal" of the greater polycule.

The narrative is framed in such a way that they might start out with individual dates, but the end goal of the romance is to eventually be together 100% of the time all the time, and wanting individual time alone with any one partner is somehow "lesser."

Which is the goal of romance in monogamy, but it's not the goal of romance in polyamory.

Granted, you do need to end on a Happy Ever After or Happy For Now for it to fit the genre requirement. And a nice way of tying that up is to have everyone together at the end as a happy polycule all together all at once. I'm not disputing that as a narrative tool. I'm just pointing out that there's a tendency to present those moments as the sum total of the relationship when in actuality, there are multiple relationships that need to end happily ever after.

The joy of polyamorous love is the joy of multitudes. It's the joy of experiencing new things, both as individuals and as a polycule. If you're not taking care of the individual dyads, however, your polycule is going to crash and burn. You cannot avoid that. So why, then, is there such avoidance of it in stories meant to appeal to us?

Is it simply inexperience on behalf of the author? Or is it that they're not actually being written for us? Is it continued pressure to meet certain genre beats in a largely monogamous-centric genre? All of the above?

Either way, I'm having fun playing around with it and doing all the things we were warned against in the publishing house.

I'm having fun with Nathan and Vlad enjoying their own private dynamic that is theirs and theirs alone. I'm having fun with Ursula and Nathan being so careful and vulnerable around each other. I'm absolutely 100% here for the chaos of Vlad and Ursula without a chaperone. And I'm here for the chaos of Vlad and Ursula together and Nathan's fond, loving eye roll as he trails after them, too enamored to tell either of them no because where would the fun in that be...

Anyway. Don't mind me. Just getting my thoughts out while everyone else is in bed.

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

forever obsessed with dynamics between vampires, specifically that of a maker and fledgling, as a way to explore abuse. the creation of a vampire itself can so easily be a literalization of the lasting impacts of trauma and also much more simply the ways a perpetrator might shape their victim’s very identity. the extremes of isolation in the way that the new vampire, in most narratives, must cut all ties to their mortal life, or else go through an elaborate charade to maintain the facade of humanity, while forever still being removed from it. and the sheer dependence and vulnerability of being in an entirely new state of being, wholly uncertain of what it entails, and relying on another person to define… everything.

[aintnopartylikeaprideparty]

as someone who has experienced abuse from someone with a personality disorder, it's actually incredibly easy to not dehumanize everyone with a personality disorder. i've seen people do borderline eugenic rhetoric surrounding people who have npd, aspd, bpd or other personality disorders, and then be like "I'M allowed to say these things because i'm a survivor, and if you disagree you are hurting abuse victims."

and frankly? i'm tired of it. as an abuse survivor i'm here to say that you're NOT allowed to turn into a fucking eugenicist the moment you're hurt by someone with a personality disorder.

does hurting and belittling other people who happen to have the same disorder as your abuser, people that are already suffering and that are already looked down on by society, bring you any healing? does it bring you peace?

Being hurt by someone isn't an excuse to hurt others that you feel justified in lashing out on. you're literally in control of your own actions,

you may claim to be making a safe space for abuse survivors, but i will never feel any solidarity with you, and i ESPECIALLY don't feel safe with you considering i might have a personality disorder.

you are excluding a large amount of abuse survivors in the name of "advocacy". a lot of people with personality disorders developed one or multiple due to heavy abuse. in the aim of creating a safe space, you are excluding the ones who need a safe space the most.

[joifully-thique]

food

[TW: ED, mental health]

I am really working on my relationship with food. I have been so obsessed with perfectionism that I have not only developed an ED but have ruined my relationship with food. I always thought the food had to be and look a certain way. In the morning you can only eat breakfast foods. Those foods can only be this, this, and this. If you are having cravings you can only eat it this way. If you eat that meal at this time you have failed and are lazy. By internalizing that bullshit, I have become incredibly unhappy. I am moving forward to eat to live. I want to eat food that fuels me spiritually. I am going to eat food that is colorful and bright and me. I will make salads, but the base will be cucumbers and carrots because I HATE leaves. I will top my salads with seasoning and olive oil, not a dressing that is mayo-based (V O M). I don't have to eat leftovers because I will prep ingredients. Not meals that will make me sick because of whatever stupid aversion my ADHD brain has created. I will heal myself. Food is no longer my enemy.

P.S Thank you Tabitha Brown.

[ionlytalktodogs]

Hot take but canes are not a limited resource. Most mobility aids aren’t but canes especially. Canes are $20 at a lot of stores like CVS, Walmart, etc. You aren’t taking that resource away from “real” disabled people (hint: you ARE a real disabled person) in fact buying more canes creates more demand and works to make more stores carry them for better prices. You aren’t faking being disabled or hurting disabled people, you’re working to make canes more accessible which is helping disabled people.

Get the cane.

[your-subby-creature]

Tdick is literally a gift from the gods. You agree wholeheartedly and with gusto.

[turrondeluxe]

always happy about the fact that in 2012, mikey often asked donnie questions if he didn't understand something and donnie always answered no matter what

this can be seen in a bunch of episodes but my favorite example of it it's the one in half shell heroes where mikey is extremely excited to be in the museums and is the one actively asking donnie questions about the exhibits they saw and also actively listening to donnie's explanation (before raph got silly lmao). he was very excited to learn!!!

And while it's true that mikey would lose interest quite fast if the explanation got too lengthy with too many technical terms, it doesn't change the fact that he does retain the info donnie is always rambling on about different things!!! (even if mikey himself doesn't notice he's doing it lol) and also i find it very sweet that no matter if donnie himself got annoyed, donnie would always answer the questions. no matter what. he would always try to explain if he didn't understand something

This is prob because mikey is the one brother who is often seeking out donnie to pass time around him Meaning that donnie might have used mikey as his rubber ducky whenever mikey hangs out with him while he's working (explained him a lot of his experiments and theories while trying to solve them himself and in this way mikey also learnt in the process WHILE spending time with his brother! win win!)

it also helps donnie because accompanies him while not letting him get lonely in his lab 24/7, sometimes explaining things to someone makes it better to understand it yourself AND it's shown in the comics that donnie is quite used to his brothers just Living as background noise and literally cannot function without it lmao

They are literally the two smart kids in the family even if none of them notice it and it's all because mikey looks up to his brother and is like an sponge with donnie around. donnie is actively teaching mikey and mikey is learning! even if they have no idea they are doing it

[baileyjayy1]

If I unveil this present 🎁 will you suck it?🍆

[joi-in-the-tardis]

If you want to make me stabby in 0.06 seconds...

[ben-learns-smth]

being in your twenties is like [making a nice meal just for yourself] [trying a new hobby] [baking a cake because you want to] [moving in with your best friends] [celebrating small wins] [dreaming up a billion future versions of yourself] [long distance friendship phone calls] [trying new styles] [finding the people you can sit and do nothing with] [having your favourite dishes for dinner] [getting piercings] [trying a new recipe] [finding the people to do kitchen karaoke with] [choosing yourself over and over again] [dinner picnics in the park] [celebrating the big wins] [finding the people to go on day trips with] [learning a new language] [finally getting that one tattoo you've been daydreaming about] [being a regular at a cosy café] [learning how to be your own ally] [dyeing your hair late at night with a friend] [painting your walls] [creating a life you enjoy experiencing]

[your-queer-dad]

How many trans women does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, and you don't even need a light bulb. Just tell her she's a pretty lady and she will light up the room for you.

[thebibliosphere]

I just woke up from a very intense and realistic dream about getting trapped inside a new, futuristic Disney resort (I think we were on Mars) with my family, where you as a guest were part of the “experience” for wealthy guests who wanted to experience the “fun” of being around “normal people.”

Air quotes courtesy of a perky Disney rep who had a tendency to talk entirely in air quotes.

You still paid to go there, but in doing so you had to sign a contract saying you agreed to act and talk a certain way when people wearing purple arm bands showed up so they could experience what life was like for “poor people.” but in an extremely sanitized and Disney-friendly way that would make them happy. Like historical reenactment but as part of an ongoing class warfare.

It was also becoming blatantly obvious that the non-Mouse character actors we’re being picked off and hunted for sport by the wealthy patrons, and that said character actors were forming an underground resistance.

My first inkling of this was the purple flowers left behind on sites where characters were “found.” Followed by notes written on lamp posts in purple ink that caught the sunlight as the light was fading on Main Street about “keeping your chin up.” (Robin Hood reference???)

You’d just be walking down the pristine streets and you’d see purple flowers on the ground, sometimes accompanied by candles. One time I turned around to see a Mickey standing behind me, waiting to see what I’d do about it, so I stepped over the flowers like they weren’t there and kept walking. Later, A character who I *think* was meant to be Jasmine slipped and stumbled into me, her hand dipping briefly into my pocket. Later, when it was deemed safe, I found a purple origami flower in my pocket, which upon unfolding revealed the message, “The mouse has eyes. Blind them.”

Later, I was running through a desert, deeply aware that I needed to find water, or else the Mouse would get me. All the while It’s A Small World After All kept blaring through the speakers of my helmet as a form of psychological torture.

It felt like West World meets Mad Max set against the sanitized and unnatural ideal of candy-cotton-scented Americana and nostalgia that only exists in the dreams of tyrants and the type of people who “wish they were alive in the 50’s so they could dress nice and go out for milkshakes.”

Also I’m pretty certain I killed Goofy.

[umbrvx]

a villain’s journey