#this is literally the 'platonic love is just as important as romantic love!!!!' website but yall dont think ppl in committed relationships

[anotherpapercut]

god that fucking ridiculous ass post from the person who "works in family law" or some shit where they're like "people who don't want to get married are soooooo stupid. the ONLY reason anyone would EVER choose not to get married is because its too permanent for their tiny brains to handle. don't you know buying a house and having kids are permanent? you childish idiots obviously know NOTHING about the law" is so fucking chock full of straightforward right wing evangelical rhetoric that it's genuinely shocking to me to see it on Tumblr as opposed to the New York times op ed section right next to an article about how trans people are stealing precious little girls

[offlineblues]

heck, i'm complaining here too about fandom nonsense i keep seeing every now and then in the past year and a half that's bugging me again (it is OTP discourse)

tldr it's about the unnecessary aiyusa disrespect and i just get so so tired of seeing it tagged or spoken about with such nasty intent......

people who dislike aiball will do EVERYTHING to avoid calling Yusaku and Ai partners, even when they canonically call each other "saiko no aibo" aka "best partners". even when they canonically live and die for one another because they're irreplaceable to one another. even when they have gone through so much and both pursue a future where they won't ever have to be apart again!

this goes beyond just friends, it's a mutual unconditional love and respect! it's wonderful!

this fact about their bond DOESN'T inherently or automatically make it romantic, you know. yes, it can and is viewed romantically, and i agree (bias). still, your ship preference outside of these two is not threatened by Yusaku and Ai's bond or their importance to one another. so why do people make such a big deal about being disdainful about them?

even if it's not your thing romantically, platonic love can be a really beautiful thing, especially for these two. i really respect and appreciate the people who, when they do prefer Yusaku with someone else, don't see Ai as a nuisance or try to write away the influence and importance in Yusaku's life he holds. they're equals, that's the point of the show, to coexist and see eye to eye...

i think some people need to watch the show again instead of being hateful in the character tags and shipping tags or being covertly disrespectful with the "ew, don't tag as ship!" stuff. y'all really test my patience for real i'm just going to keep pressing the block button i can't deal with the negativity........

i don't even want to get into the "aiyusa is gross because Ai is like an adult" stuff i saw a few months ago. he's literally an artificial intelligence with free will and instinct that was 'born' from Yusaku's suffering and trauma. trying to give him a human age is so incredibly strange. and i guess if you are, go with 10 i guess LOL

ok rant over just stop being so straight up mean what the hell i want to enjoy my time on this website without someone complaining about my OTP for a month or two without a fresh new take trying to invalidate them. it's been 4 years since episode 120 give me a break with fandom drama stuff for real

[mayfixlds]

Will Byers and Asexuality.

Hi. Hello. This is something that has been on my mind a lot recently, and I wanted to share some thoughts on the topic. 

First things first, here’s a mini LGBTQIA+ lesson for you all - specifically the A part. 

“Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity.  It may also be categorized more widely to include a broad spectrum of asexual sub-identities”

Asexuality is a spectrum (Hi, I’m actually on that spectrum!👋) and people consistently forget this. It doesn’t mean people are broken or can’t have completely fulfilling relationships, because guess what? We can. 

This Trevor Project page and the AVEN website breaks it down a lot better than I can so please read and educate yourselves. There are so many different levels to being asexual, and I’m so sick of those levels being ignored and ignorant comments being made instead. Even being aromantic  doesn’t mean you can’t have relationships; (queer platonic relationships are just one example of this)

A romantic orientation generally characterized by not feeling romantic attraction or a desire for romance. Aromantic people can be satisfied by friendship and other non-romantic relationships. Many aromantic people also identify with a sexual orientation, such as asexual, bisexual, etc.

Again, here is some more info

ace/aro/aroace people aren’t ‘missing out’, aren’t ‘confused’, won’t ‘change their mind when they find the right person’. There is a bunch of bullshit stereotypes and assumptions when it comes to asexuality and people’s relationships and what is considered ‘normal’ but actually your normal??? delete it. what tf even is normal anyway?? Valid, fulfilling relationships come in ALL shapes and sizes and so many of them aren’t sexual or romantic and that doesn’t mean they’re any less important or can be dismissed.

When it comes to Stranger Things, there seems to be this huge discourse online that is essentially “WILL CAN’T BE ACE BECAUSE HE’S GAY!!1!” Well, newsflash folks, YES HE CAN!! Will absolutely can be gay and ace, Will can be gay and aroace, Will can be gay oriented and aroace or Will can be gay and aro - one does not always cancel out the other. Please stop invalidating the way people view their comfort characters when it’s literally not harming anyone because actually by doing so you’re harming so many aro/ace/aroace people by essentially erasing their sexualities and making it seem as though relationships have to have sex in order to be a relationship (which, ngl, bit weird that’s your attitude when it comes to a relationship involving teenagers but okay??). No one is telling you that Will isn’t gay, a lot of people are just saying that other sexualities exist, and they headcanon Will as ace/aro/aroace and that’s fine (I ship Byler and I’d LOVE it if the show went down this route. There is not enough representation for ace relationships and characters). It’s not homophobic to hc that and it’s not weird. 

As long as no one is hurting anyone (or writing weird smutty fics or drawing smutty pictures of TEENAGE CHARACTERS?? which is an another ST fandom bag of worms so I won’t go too much into it but honestly please s t o p. I read a lot of YA Literature and there are some really well raised and well explored moments involving sex and relationships which is important and can educate - one of the first times I saw a safe sex discussion and scene between a sapphic couple was in a YA book and it really helped and educated me - but honestly some of the shit in this fandom recently has been straight up porn and I’m concerned with how many people don’t think that’s weird???) how you headcanon a character is absolutely fine and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise or invalidate that.

Anyway, here’s my thoughts on the Will could be ace situation, and honestly? I bloody love the idea.

Bye✌️

[pasttorn]

      -- SHORP. mega quick update on what’s up with me & a mini announcement that i’d LOVE if y’all could spare a couple minutes to look through ( & maybe consider joining or sharing with a friend y’all feel would be interested ! ). 

        -- EVEN if y’all don’t care about me as a mun / blog, at least skim the announcement section bc it’s important to me & where i am rn ! 

     UPDATE ! !

       -- SINCE december, i’ve started college ! ! the saving up year of college at least, bc the college i’m in has this thing where if we don’t have enough money to pay for the tuition fee ( which rly is just, money for us to spend throughout our first year & our trips & other expenses like food or gasoline ) we can join the saving up year & they’ll give us a job to earn the money. & while i was a bit more free before, they finally found a job for me at the canteen, which means i’m off cooking with the head chef for literally the entire day for the whole campus-- which is largely the reason i haven’t written much or said anything here ! !

      -- I’M trying as hard as i can to manage my time better in order to not be so tired / drained at the end of the day, in order to try to write something here or spend time with closer rp friends, but between moving to a new place ( since i’m living in the campus now, which is in a whole different country to where i was ! ) & getting used to the job & getting to know my teammates / classmates that i’m gonna be working with the next four+ years, it’ll take me a lil’ bit longer to try to get this blog up & running again. 

       -- FOR those wondering, i’m NOT dropping this blog & i’m not dropping any of the threads / asks i have saved up unless my rp partners don’t wanna keep writing them anymore, because this blog is too important for me to just give it up, but i am gonna be quiet / on a mini hiatus a lil’ bit longer. if any ship partners ( be it platonic or romantic ) that have a close relation w/ my muse want to break things up & move on, then even though it’d sadden me to see it end, i’d understand, because i cannot guarantee i’ll be the most active in plotting or thinking about our muses relationships & it might take some more time before i can go back to ‘ normal ‘ here-- but if y’all are willing to wait a bit longer, then i’d love it if we could continue it. if you don’t, then please tell me so we can make changes at some point because the last thing i want is for y’all to feel i’m neglecting you or your muse, which is not my intention & i apologise if i ever made y’all feel that way.

     ANNOUNCEMENT ! !

       -- TIME to promote the college i’m currently studying at ! ! or am gonna be studying at in september, at least ishuegrdfmkcvx. the college is DNS Necessary Teacher’s Training Programme, & it’s a college dedicated to training teachers ! ! honestly i’ve only been in the campus for a month now, & from the chats i’ve had with people from other years & from graduates & from my teammates in general, i can already tell it’s gonna be a worth it sort of experience. in their own words, we’re all not looking to be the ‘ traditional ‘ type of teachers, & are learning by experiencing & travelling-- the first year we travel to africa, & in the second year we ( your school year team ) picks a country in europe to live in & work in ! ! 

       -- IF you don’t have enough money, that’s alright ! you can join the saving up year, & earn the money here yourself ( & in the chance you don’t make enough, the team is here to pay the difference if we can ). if you’re worried you’re too young or too old for the programme, let me just tell you that in the 2021 school team ( the year i’m in ) the ages range from 18 to 27. if you’re worried about previous experiences, just know that this my first time in a college or even getting a job, & we’re all ! ! willing to help with anything as a team. all you really need is the drive to be committed to the programme & to the team-- because you are going to be busy almost all day, & it might get tough to deal with sometimes, & you need to know what you’re comfortable with or are not comfortable with doing.

       -- I was very nervous before coming bc rly, i’m an introverted fool that still doesn’t know what i want out of life even though i’m 21 & should know at this point, & even had a breakdown the first night i got here bc i was in a new place on my own & didn’t know what the fuck i was getting into & was so afraid of disappointing everyone, but god everyone here is super welcoming & understanding about everything. since the month i’ve been here, i’ve made friends that also very much love anime, have found out that sexuality ( or the lack thereof ) is openly discussed & accepted, there’s a D&D group & there’s just, a bunch of creativity everywhere. & yeah, it can be overwhelming sometimes, but there’s always someone in the team who would be willing to spend time with you & to help you out with whatever you may need, because in the end we’re all dealing with the same things. i’ve even gotten along with people from other school years ( that started their studies in 2020 or 2018 ), & honestly you can’t even tell they’re in a different year at times bc everyone is always so kind & open about everything.

     -- I’M not gonna lie, i’ve only been here a month for the saving up, & so far all of this feels like a real life acnh adventure, where everyone in the team is the mayor. wild comparison but everyone is so welcoming & we all live in the campus & see each other every day, that it really feels like interacting with other villagers & the money we make goes to maintaining the college / the community / our team, so it very much feels like i’m the mayor / mc in anch trying to decorate the island / make it better idK

          LINKS to check out ! ! 

Quick 3 min video ! ! ! pls watch ! ! !

WEBSITE

FACEBOOK PAGE

INSTAGRAM

NEWSLETTER

       -- IF you have any questions about the programme or what it’s like to study here, pls don’t be afraid to hit me up in DM’s either on here or on disc//ord ( SHORP#8549 ) ! ! i’d be more than happy to answer any questions or share images / videos bc god, it’d be so cool if one of y’all or someone y’all know would be interested in the programme ! 

[microsuedemouse]

man it has been a MINUTE since I made my own post about anything fandom-related on this website but @suzirya is blogging about The Old Guard and I haven’t seen anyone else talking about it really and I’ve got. some thoughts

I had literally never heard of this movie at all until a few nights ago when we were eating dinner in the living room and my dad pulled it up and said ‘hey I want to watch this’ and played the trailer for my brother and me. We were pretty much like yeah, sure, we all enjoy a good action flick, and aside from my other brother (who was occupied with D&D) it ended up being the whole family watching it. and I enjoyed it WAY more than I’d anticipated, especially for something I’d never heard about.

if you don’t know what I’m talking about: drop what you’re doing and go watch The Old Guard on Netflix. (it’s a Netflix original so yes it will be there.) it’s a very fun and good action film based on a series of graphic novels about a small group of immortals trying to do what’s right. there are many selling points but one of them is that it will be very good for your little gay soul, bc Charlize Theron stars (in a character with no explicitly-stated romances but lots of relationships that will make you Feel Things) and two of the other main characters are two men who met during the Crusades and are just amazingly in love with each other. And not in a vague way that the straights can interpret as Powerful Friendship. They are explicitly in love with each other and so devoted and ugh.

ANYWAY. putting the rest of my chattering under a cut bc spoilers and also I’m a wordy piece of shit

1 - early in this movie I was thinking about how glad I am that Charlize Theron has stepped into this role of like... cool female action star, but also, her characters are never super sexed up. almost any female characters I can think of in action movies, if they’re part of the action rather than victims/bystanders, are always made sexy. even when they’re Strong sexy, they’re still... a lot sometimes? I was thinking especially of some Angelina Jolie stuff, Scarlett Johanssen, etc. there are probably lots of exceptions to this that I just don’t know but still - we’ve had Theron in several roles like this recently, and appearance-wise she’s treated with the same respect as her male counterparts, which is so fucking cool and also such a fucking relief. we all love beautiful ladies, obviously, but it’s so SO good to see our female heroes just doing their jobs, without us ever being made aware of their sexuality.

and as the movie went on this was hitting me more and more, and I was also thinking it about... everyone? like. the other female lead, played by KiKi Layne, was arguably more feminine than Theron but not any more sexualised. even once she’s out of her army fatigues she’s dressed with practicality in mind, and again, we never have her female-ness pointed out to us. and I was so about every bit of that. both objectively and as a person whose relationship to female-ness and femininity is kind of weird, it’s such a good thing to see leading women whose gender and appearances and bodies aren’t being focussed on that way.

and as a sidebar to that, while I wouldn’t describe any of the prominent male characters as unattractive by any means, none of them were like... Marvel-actor hot. and I just, idk, especially in action/superhero movies, that’s refreshing to me. a lot of them looked like Regular Dudes in a way that I find very appealing.

2 - can we TALK about Joe and Nicky. holy shit. my brother and I kept leaning over to each other to be like ‘if anything happens to either of them I’ll riot.’ I MEAN.

we got a genuine, explicit, on-screen established romance between these men. it was not implied, it was not just how the actors played it in the hopes that people would catch on - it was right there. they hold each other to sleep, they kiss each other with such love, they talk to other characters about how much they adore each other. they met during the Crusades. they’ve been in love for centuries! and they’re so sweet, so devoted, so adoring! and they never have any arguments or tension to further the plot (one of my personal most-hated plot devices in any story with an established relationship). they just spend this movie loving each other, protecting each other and their weird little family, doing anything they can for each other. they’re taken prisoner and spend their time awake joking and making each other smile. and the one singular bit of casual homophobia they encounter on-screen is met with a declaration of love so heartfelt and intense that the guy who made the shitty comment literally doesn’t know what to say - which is a brief but extremely good scene in the movie, imo.

oh, also worth noting: this romance is biracial and interfaith (inasmuch as either of them may be men of faith after being alive for centuries). just to add to how good this is to see on-screen. all of this on top of them being IMMORTAL AND UNKILLABLE. NO GAYS BURIED HERE

2.5 - can I talk for a second about how goddamn much I love seeing non-hetero romance in genre fiction!!! I know it’s getting easier to find, but still. genre fiction is very much my domain and I love seeing queer romance there, especially when it’s simply an accepted fact and the characters’ queerness isn’t central to the story. narratives about queerness are good and important and serve a function but most of them aren’t really my thing, personally. a story that’s about all kinds of other things but also has queer characters there, being themselves, being in love, is so 1000% my shit.

3 - also? Charlize Theron’s character, Andy?? fascinating from a queer perspective. she doesn’t have any explicitly-stated romance with anyone, but her relationships with other characters are so compelling and so interesting. The backstory about her and another immortal, Quynh, very very distinctly gives you the impression that they were women in love. everything about Andy’s guilt and bitterness over not having been able to find/save Quynh feels so much like there was a romance there. it could have been platonic or familial - they were together, without anyone else, for centuries at least, and therefore obviously developed a very deep love - but the way Andy talks about Quynh it feels so much like there was something left unsaid, or unresolved.

also, her scene with the clerk in the pharmacy. oh my god. this woman clearly recognises that whatever is going on with Andy, something is wrong, and she offers her help, no questions asked. she takes her into the back room and patches up her wound. this scene has such an inherent intimacy because of the close quarters and the privacy and the act taking place, but... there’s also this really interesting connection happening between them, where they recognise something in one another but don’t state it. (personally, I couldn’t help wondering if the clerk was a domestic abuse survivor, maybe? but there are so many ways you could interpret her character from her behaviour and dialogue in that scene, and I’d love to see other people’s takes.)

and then on the other hand you have her relationship with Booker, who’s been with her the longest out of any of the living immortals. they’re incredible. their relationship is so, so interesting and well-depicted! they have such chemistry, that you can easily read as romantic or platonic. they’ve been together for so many hundreds of years and they work together, trust each other, with such a deep understanding and love and respect. and it never quite tips over into the romance you kind of think it will, which imo only makes it that much more compelling - there are so many directions you could take that dynamic.

4 - and then on the topic of Booker: I am SO into the way his betrayal was handled.

he did, undeniably, betray the others. there’s no argument on that fact. his motivations were understandable (and heartbreaking), even to Andy, though certainly not an excuse. so yes, they were furious with him. reasonably so! but... that didn’t actually break their relationships with him. they didn’t leave him behind in the lab, even if in some ways they might have wanted to. and in the ensuing battle, they were still able to work together and trust each other as they always have. the damage done to their larger relationship was put aside to be dealt with after all of this, as it should be. and even when they did deal with it, what they agreed on was just a century of exile from their group. given the lives they’re all living, that seems like such a mild sentence.

but to me, it makes so much sense. again, these people have lived for centuries, and there are so few of them. they need each other. the bonds they’ve formed over all this time together - the trust, the love, the sense of family - would not only be vital to both their survival and their sanity, but also incredibly difficult to truly break. what he did would seem unforgivable from an outside perspective, and even after that century passed I’m certain he’d have to earn back their trust and respect, but it makes absolute sense that they’d be willing to take him back one day.

god. GOD. I’m sure there’s more I could talk about but this is what I can think of right now and I’ve been typing for like forty minutes probably so I’m done for now but.

god.

this movie and its characters GOT ME, guys. I’m really in it. ugh UGH

[ceterisparibus116]

Music Tag

Tagged by: @context-is-for-kingpins​ (you’re so sweet! <3)

your favourite album: Aaaaa I don’t know. Phoenix, maybe, by Classic Crime?

your favourite music genre(s): *mumbles in a corner* don’t hate me - Christian rock / Christian alternative rock NOT CHRISTIAN CONTEMPORARY THAT STUFF SUCKS OKAY

your favourite song/favourite song from that album: Precipice, probably?

most listened to artist(s): according to a kinda-sketchy website, Audrey Assad (probably bc I listen to her when I’m falling asleep), Evan Craft (English/Spanish!), and Rend Collective, which was a surprise.

an album that’s important to you: End of Silence by Red. It’s my childhood.

a song that’s important to you: Best In Me by Sent by Ravens. It was a song that reflected my heart in a very unhealthy relationship with my old best friend.

what makes you like a song: Lyrics absolutely. And ideally it’s not repetitive.

your favourite instrument to hear in a song: I have literally no idea

a song from your childhood: Concerning Hobbits from Lord of the Rings. I memorized it for a piano recital and it was GORGEOUS.

a song to dance to: Who Do You Love by Mariana’s Trench, Mi Casa es Tu Casa by Evan Craft (it’s so happyyyy) and Es Impossible by Funky.

a song that reminds you of love (any kind not just romance): Love in a Box by Workday Release (romantic) and Moments Like This by The Afters (romantic/platonic)

a song you love lyrically: Appalachian Wine by eleventyseven (made me cry actual tears the first time I heard it)

Tagging: @soulfireinc, @procrastinatingsab, @underwaterfoxes and anyone else who wants to :)

[electric-sugar-darling]

“Other”

For as long as I've known, I've been "other."

I am "other" in the eyes of a dominantly white American census. They see my brown skin (though sometimes, they claim to not "see color.") They see my smaller, almond-shaped eyes. They hear my speaking voice that, while occasionally quiet and stuttering, but firm when it comes to things I am passionate about, seems to blend with the American standard. Not a "foreign" accent anywhere within earshot. Though when I would go back to visit the Philippines in the past, I'd occasionally get poked at for sounding like an "American boy." But hearing how I speak now, it is assumed the colonization has worked, and that I am relatable from an American perspective. Yet when I speak of the cultural dissonance and assimilation I have faced in this country as a first generation Filipino immigrant growing up stateside, I'm told I just need to "work harder" and "be more confident," but assured that I am "beautiful" regardless. Honey, you don't know the half of how hard I've "worked," and what exactly I've "worked" on, to make my supposed "confidence" what it is today, to bring it to an acceptable level for me to play whatever functional role I am meant to play in this modern American society. But thanks for calling me beautiful, I guess. I am "other" when it comes to Filipino ethnicity and culture, because even though I am Filipino, I still struggle to fully connect with it, beyond reading up on histories, cultural norms, and current events of my home country as an adult, but never got to fully absorb and internalize as a child because I moved to the States when I was four years old. As such, I was too busy in my childhood attempting to fit into the white American standard to which schools are subconsciously defaulted in this country, under the guise of the United States being a "melting pot." The concept of a melting pot is so colorful, and attractive, and appealing, and almost comforting to a little brown child born in one country, but brought to an entirely new country, before education and social interactions could really even begin for that child ("that child" is Me, if I've lost you.) But the problem with the idea of a melting pot is that when things melt down, the individuality of the different flavors lose themselves when they all attempt to come together. And while visually, everything seems to have combined into one, it is still incongruous. Certain flavors overpower others or cancel them out completely, especially when there's too much of one, and only a pinch of "other." The idea of melting implies that everything has amalgamated into one, to make it easier to digest for the mass palate, specifically the status quo. The cost is that celebrating genuine individuality and uniqueness is (literally) lost in the mix, under the guise of "unity." But thanks for tagging me in your post about lumpia, I guess. I am "other" as a gay man, in a sea of image-obsessed, chiseled bodies, meant primarily for the white porn star standard of 'beach bod 5'9".' There's no room for overweight. There's no room for too tall. No room for stretch marks. No room for extra skin left over from weight loss, even though I was under the baseless assurance that losing weight would equal me being supposedly more "desirable." No room for being "too masculine looking" for guys that prefer their bottoms to be more feminine, twinky, and submissive. No room for not being masculine ENOUGH, as is the general dominant desirability factor in the endless swipes of hook-up app profiles, over which my thumb has all but burned itself off. Masc4MaskedToxicMasculinity, bro. No room for not being confident in yourself, even though you were picked apart for all those things on dating websites, until my outward physical appearance started to try and fit into these "desirable" niches and archetypes. There's plenty of room for Asians, apparently. Until they find out I (literally) don't fit in their fetishistic image of small, meek, petite Asian. I also get the occasional gem of "Man, I'm usually not into Asians, but..." or "Man, you're exotic looking." Big fucking yikes, bro. Yes, I am probably looking for gratification in all the wrong places. But even though I am gradually becoming more accepting of the parts of me that I previously hated, tried to hide, or distance myself from because I was made to believe they were ugly, the past emotional pangs still scratch at me, and I find myself going back to square one when I default to re-opening that dating app when I get that carnal urge, to try and feel better about myself. But thanks for sending me a wink, I guess. I am "other" in a society dominated by heteronormative romantic prospects. Soulmates, getting married, having kids, having one true love, love at first sight, true love's kiss. From a very young age, all of this is pushed onto us as something we had to strive for. An ultimate goal that we are meant to pursue, otherwise we are viewed as crazy, as spinsters, as eccentric and lonely old crones, as if any of these things were the most horrible things in the world to be viewed as. As a child, I had little playground crushes here and there. And as I got a little older, when I was faced with the possibility (turned reality) of being gay, I had crushes on boys, too. But I also had to push that away from my mind, because gay was that taboo thing no one ever talked about, or else it would be either vilified or mocked. But all these crushes were just fluffy, meaningless, outward attractions. I never felt any sort of romantic attraction. And as I got older, the idea of romance was a concept that never clicked with me. I've had exactly two boyfriends in the past, which, at the time, I considered "love." But was it really? Or was it because I was in the standardized view of a two-person mutual relationship with this person, that I instantly equated it as "love." I've never been able to fully make the connection of what exactly "romance" is. I take a very long time to open up to people. But when I do trust somebody enough, I tell them everything about me, the secrets, the ins, the outs, the whispers and screams of my heart, my dreams, my hopes, my despairs. But is that romance? Maybe it can be, but it wasn't for me. Because my closest friends and family are also people I've told all those private things to. Is it love? Sure. A platonic love. But I don't equate it to being romantically attracted to my friends or family. Is romance hand-holding and kissing? I've gone on dates and "seen" guys in the past, where we've kissed and held hands, even had sex. But did I consider any of it romance? Not in the slightest. Is romance sweet, thoughtful gestures? I do my best to show my friends and family I care with gestures whenever I am able, or sometimes, simply listening or offering words. But again, does that mean I am romantically attracted or linked to them? No. And so for a while, I thought I was some sociopath that simply was not capable of romantic love. Until I read about the spectrum of aromanticism. People who feel intense platonic love, and value these many important platonic relationships in their lives equally, but have never related to this idea of finding one specific fulfilling "love" above all others (the romantic kind) as something different than the other platonic relationships they have in their lives. I've never subscribed to the notion of ONE soulmate, because anybody that has made a profound impact in my life with whom I've shared a meaningful and long-lasting connection, and who fully understand me and accept me as I do them, I consider them a soulmate. I have many I consider "soulmates." And honestly, I'm tired of being told I "just haven't found the right one yet," when I have plenty of the "right ones" in my life right now. But thanks for suggesting that rom-com to me, I guess. I have lived my entire life in constant dissonance (which might explain why I like abstract 20th century composers.) Not necessarily because I WANTED to live in dissonance, but simply because any time I was simply trying to BE, there was pushback, or criticism, or questioning, which in turn, made me push back, criticize, and question myself. I have lived my life as perpetually "other," but for a time, believed it was a terrible thing to be anything "other" than what everybody else was doing or being. But I have lived through enough dissonance to realize that living against the grain is essentially what has gotten me this far in life. And although it was a difficult and uneven road to self-acceptance (and I still occasionally struggle with lingering pangs of insecurity to this day), this road is mine and mine alone. And without me on it, there would be no other.

[mable-stitchpunk]

Jester Lure: A Massive Character Questionnaire

Here’s a long list of questions and answers detailing Jester Lure, the lead character in my book A Fool’s Endeavor and the upcoming A Fool’s Golden Cage. The questions were taken from Charahub, a website for creating and tracking characters that was unfortunately shut down. Thankfully, a kind soul saved the list of questions- so here we go!

Short Description: Name: Lure or Jester Lure by title.

Pronounced: Like lure usually is- “Loo-er”.

Age: Early twenties.

Extra: Nickname: None, just Lure.

Occupation: Court jester to the princess of Acalathoy, full-time jester.

Species: Human

Gender: Male

Physical Description: Usually seen wearing a full jester ensemble of navy and cyan, fit with hat, gloves, and boots. Wears a gold and ivory colored mask that fully covers his face. Underneath his costume, he has sienna skin- affectionately called ‘cinnamon’- and soft brown hair that is usually bedraggled from his costume. 

Personality: Lure is vibrant and full of life, with a sarcastic streak and an ounce of wit mixed in. He tries to keep things optimistic even when his words portray him as a bit more cynical than that. He can be reckless at times, but is smart enough to prefer talking himself out of a situation before jeopardizing himself, and is rather good at it. There are parts to him that are sly and cunning, but Lure is not without morals, and he is very loyal to those who become close with him. He relishes his job as jester and holds his title with pride, but begrudgingly accepts that few others respects his role. He loves his young princess and enjoys the life he has with her, enough so that he is able to stifle the desire he has for travel and adventure. (Though if given the proper means, Lure will throw himself into an adventure without much preparation and find a way to stay on his feet.)

Fandom: A Fool’s Fables (A Fool’s Endeavor, A Fool’s Golden Cage, ect.) 

Sexuality: The only person Lure’s been attracted to has been another man.

Voice: Naturally warm, going between cheerfully chirp to dead flat to go with the mood.

Back Story: The backstory Lure spreads is that he was found by the queen as a baby, who was so endeared by him that she took him in and raised him as her personal jester. Sadly, the queen passed on shortly after the birth of her daughter. Lure became the princess’ jester to help make up for the lack of a mother figure. Even though the king wasn’t entirely fond of him, he helped raise her alongside the nursemaid who helped raise him.

Ongoing Story: In A Fool’s Endeavor, an attack on the castle led to the king being killed and the princess being kidnapped. Lure went on a foolhardy quest to rescue her, joining up with Apprentice Balsam, Sir Morrick, and Hunter Yves. In A Fool’s Golden Cage, Lure will be afflicted with a strange ailment and need to journey for a cure, again accompanied by his companions.

Likes: Music, Astronomy, Astrology, Divination Cards (Tarot), the overall act of jesting, reading fables, extravagant costumes and colorful fabrics, roasted pheasant and pastries, feeling like he won an argument, traveling, his close knit group of allies, tending to his princess, and being able to witness extraordinary things up close. 

Dislikes: His costume getting destroyed and needing mending, ‘peasant food’ such as sop and gruel, ‘evil’ jester stereotypes, loss of control or choice, his princess being upset, and stagnation. 

Strengths: Lure is athletic and acrobatic, and knows some self-defense techniques. He’s capable with a dagger, which he always keeps in his boot, and by the second book begins bringing a poleaxe with him. However, Lure’s greatest strength is his ability to find ways around direct fighting. If he can find a way that avoids direct conflict then he will take it. He also uses a more theatrical persona to convince others more easily, usually to mislead or get assistance. 

Weaknesses: Lure can be a bit reckless and get in over his head without considering the repercussions. He’s also of slender build and wears no armor, meaning that if confronted head on he has a mark disadvantage.

Favorite color: Blue, all shades.

Kind of clothing: As said before, Lure typically wears a navy and cyan jester costume. He has a few of these, most in the same colors but with different patterns on them. Instead of typical jester shoes, he wears leather boots, and typically carries a card pouch at his waist. 

What element would they be?: Fire. Burns warmly, glows brightly, and doesn’t handle water too well.  (At least, at the beginning of the first book.)

Theme song: Lure might write his own, but personally I could see ‘The Show Must Go On’ or ‘Seven Seas of Rhye’ by Queen.

Deadly sin that best represents them: Maybe lust- not in the typical sexual sense, but that lust for life and his job in life being to literally entertain and enthrall. 

Hobbies: Divination Card reading, instrument playing, reading, and dabbles in astronomy and alchemy at times. He also enjoys playing games like chess, cards, and backgammon.

Special skills/talents: Lure is a gifted virtuoso, learning how to play the harp and lute at a young age. As such, he can pretty much work with any string instrument and make some form of music, even if it is new to him. He’s also good with making up song lyrics on the spot. There are other various things, such as juggling, tumbling, and various ‘jester’ acts that would be expected. Knows some self-defense. 

Patience level: Depends on the circumstances, but Lure’s capable of grin-and-bearing through many situations if the need comes. If in a situation where it doesn’t matter what he says, he will willingly speak his mind.

Regrets: During A Fool’s Endeavor he regrets letting the princess get captured, even when he truly tried to protect her, but gets over it by the second book. Lure’s not the type to linger on past stakes after they are no longer relevant.

Favorite places: Lure has a few special places. The princess’ bedroom and playroom is one of them, as this is where he spent most of his time in raising and playing with the young girl. The courtyard is also a place where he frequently gets away to. Even though introduced to it at a poor time in his life, Lure is fond of Alchemist Coffcord’s home. It is the only ‘quaint’ home he would prefer over the castle setting.

Role model: He looked up to both the queen and the king while growing up. 

Favorite foods: Roasted pheasant, venison, tarts, pies, mousse, freshly baked bread, rich cheese, sugared and glazed nuts, and fruits such as figs, plums, and pomegranates. 

Favorite book: He loves fairy tales, fables, and legends that he can read and then retell to others later.

Mode of transportation: Across the books he’s used various means of transportation- mostly walking- but he knows how to ride a horse.

Weapon: Keeps a dagger in his boot that he got from Balsam. During the second book, Morrick gives him a poleaxe to defend himself.

Smells like: herosmellslike.com claims Lure smells like ‘spring water and desert’, so lets go with that.

How do they feel about love: Lure has experienced familial, platonic, and romantic love and is for all three. As cynical as he is, he makes bonds with people and then does all he can to keep them.

Least favorite color: Dull grey or sunken brown- if it is worn out and faded. 

Home town/Where they live now: the Kingdom of Acalathoy

Makes a living by: Being the court jester and personal playmate of the princess.

Fears or phobias: During A Fool’s Endeavor, Lure copes with a fear of water and drowning, but he slowly overcomes it and faces it by the end of the book. One of his biggest fears is, ironically, to lose his title of a jester and be forced to the life of a nameless, faceless jester.

Race, ethnicity and nationality: Lure is a citizen of Acalathoy and of mixed ethnicity, with his mother being fair skinned and his father having a darker skin tone. Music they listen to: He likes most kinds of music, but especially likes flute music- perhaps because it is the one instrument he has limited access to and is completely unpracticed in.

Bad habits: The closest thing would be Lure’s pickiness with food.

What turns them on: He’s excited by displays of strength and passion, but also has an extreme soft spot for those who are willing to show a gentle hand.

What turns them off: Romantic-wise, he is not interested in anyone like himself, ironically enough. He’s also disinterested in ‘stuffy’ people who lack passion in something.

If they transitioned from their world to ours, how would they react: Lure would put on a bright face and be full of quips, all while withholding the inward horror that none of his survival tactics would work here... Though he would probably like how accessible entertainment is. 

Religious and to what extent? Any spiritual beliefs?: There are various religions in Lure’s world. He worships one that may be titled ‘Fateism’, which worships the Creator, Death, and Fate. While Lure is not overly religious, he does seem to believe in some divine being.

Pet peeves: The biggest one would be the constantly passed around belief that jesters are evil and shady. Though he also doesn’t like narrow-minded folk or people unwilling to listen to reason.

Personal problems: Lure must constantly wear a mask to hide a secret that isn’t just his.

What ONE item would they take to an uninhabited island: Probably his dagger. It has so many uses.

Outlook on life: A cynical realist, Lure actually has a positive outlook, believing that it is worth fighting for a better life.

Most important person in their life: Even with a romantic partner and friends, Princess Vivianne would still be the most important person in his life. He does all he can to protect her and keep her happy.

What was your character like as a child: He was attentive and well-behaved, listening closely to his queen and learning everything she taught him.

What (if they can) does your character eat: Usually whatever the princess is dining on or served to the court.

What is something other people assume about your character?: That he’s evil, both in story and out of the story. That evil jester plot point is tough to shake. XD

Do they like the name they were given: Lure loves his name so much that the fake name he occasionally uses, Cajole, is just a variation of his own name.

Nervous habits: He tugs at his collar when he gets flustered or overheated.

Siblings: Short answer: Yes.

Wears jewelry: Only if the mask counts.

Have they ever wanted to commit suicide: Never. Even at his lowest point, with his princess gone and his home destroyed, him at a loss and running out of options, Lure was desperate but unwilling to give up. He will risk his life for the slim chance he can succeed, but he is not suicidal.

Close friends: Balsam would be Lure’s closest friend. Their clashing personalities fill a void that each of them has and over the course of the books they become almost like brothers. Though Lure might worry Balsam at times, but he also guides him to be more bold. Likewise, Lure trusts Balsam’s word and is the first to assure him that he is more skilled than a simple apprentice.  Morrick originally start at odds, but then they start to acquire a mutual respect and understanding. Which then involves into something deeper and less friendly. While Yves is largely standoffish with everyone, Lure and Yves do become friendly and respect one another. They also share a similar interest in dry humor. Elia is the nursemaid who Lure has been close with for years, and is more of a motherly figure than a friend. In the same vein, Lure seem to look to Coffcord like a grandfather figure.

First kiss? (when and with whom): Spoilers: . Lure’s first kiss was with Morrick. If counting non-mouth kisses, his first is one Morrick gives him on the neck while on board a ship to Olaylark. The first true kiss would be between Lure and Morrick in an inn not too long after this. 

Views on gambling, lying, killing, etc...: Lure’s views on morals are not black and white. He makes playful jokes about those who give into temptation, but he doesn’t show real disdain for them. While he doesn’t think highly of lying and stealing, he is willing to do either if it is a situation where the greater picture is more important. Especially if it might lead to a life or death situation. While Lure believes self-defense is justified, him actually having to kill someone would horrify him- as seen in the first book. 

How much do they value money: Because of Lure’s circumstances- growing up in a court without much need for it- he sees money as just a tool and a means to an end. When in the castle, he’s willing to hand over shillings without care. Outside the castle, he’s willing to perform and tell fortunes to make shillings if it means supporting him and his allies.

Wants to get married: A private ceremony would be fine with him.

Wants to have kids, raise a family: He pretty much raised the princess, but he wouldn’t be against raising a ward or orphan offered to the court. Chances of him having his own children are unlikely.

Sworn enemy: None anymore.

Is their name a pun of anything: Lure’s name is literally a play on entertainment. That being said, the name Lure can be a stand-in for the name Leroy, which means ‘the King’. This was something I found out after naming him, so it wasn’t on purpose. XD

Anyone they really hate: During the first book, he despised the King of Olaylark, who was the one who attacked his kingdom and took the princess.

Most traumatic experience: Even with the horrible attack on the castle, the death of the queen is still what he considers one of the worst periods of his life. Largely because of how quickly she passed.

Favorite holiday: The Feast of Fools, a jester themed holiday that falls close to what we would see as Christmas. Slightly different than the Feast of Fools from our history, the day is seen as a celebration of merriment, playfulness, indulgence, and gift exchange. 

Well, that’s it for now! Hope you enjoyed!

[ashton-slashton]

no hate here jus curious but how can u be gay polyam and aro/ace when u don’t experience sexual or romantic attraction :/

Okay so ngl, when I get an ask like this (which I haven't in a while because I have anon turned off), my immediate instinct is just

So I searched your blog and found that there didn't seem to be anything aphobic on there (but also like literally nothing about ace/aro people at all despite all the other pride stuff), so I'm... giving you the benefit of the doubt and trusting that you genuinely are curious (though that slanty face is making my fight or flight response go off).

I'll preface this by also adding: I haven't really gone into the details of my sexuality except with close friends and my partner. But since you asked, here it is.

The short version is: idfk man, attraction and sexuality (especially in relation to my gender) is weird and I just kinda throw the words together that I feel suit me best.

The long version, which I pray to God you actually read, is: Just like many other things, sexual/romantic attraction is on a spectrum and can oftentimes be a complex, nebulous thing. It isn't always as simple as "I'm gay" & "I'm straight" and so on and so forth.

I do not experience sexual attraction irl. In theory, it seems great! I do actually have a libido (I kinda wish I didn't tbh but c'est la vie). But in practice, in my experience (which is BY NO MEANS UNIVERSAL), both sexual attraction and the act of having sex just... isn't for me. The second I'm in a position where sex is a possible outcome, I fuckin' bounce. Can't do it. Any attraction I may have had just yeets the fuck out.

I do not experience romantic attraction. But my repulsion of it is no where NEAR as bad as my sex repulsion. In fact, it's almost like the aromantic equivalent of being sex-positive.

I experience platonic and aesthetic attraction, buuuut the catch is that I mostly experience that with guys or masc-leaning nb folks. I myself am transmasc/agender (really heavily masc-leaning nb). So hence the gay part. It feels more succinct than having to explain what I just explained. This is not to say that gals are off limits, but like. My attraction to women irl is usually so slim that it's negligible.

And now for the polyam thing. I am currently in a relationship. My partner has the same orientation that I do (except he id's as bi aro ace). We share a close intimate bond that can't really be described with romance or sexual attraction, but it is not lesser than any of those things. We describe our relationship as queerplatonic. We hope to get married one day. He is also polyam. We both, at some point in our lives, would like an addition to us. We feel like that would be very good for us, and we just have... so much love in us to restrict it to just each other. It's not a necessity for US to be in a relationship. If we never find that third person, it won't be the end of the world, or our relationship for that matter. But it's still an important part of our identity.

So yeah. That's about the best way I can verbalize all of this. I don't really think I missed anything. Me saying I'm gay aro ace and polyam outright is more succinct than going into a whole lecture about the complexities of my orientation and attraction, as well as semantics. The only way I can be more succinct is to say that I'm queer, but that's met with a lot of hostility on this sad excuse for a website.

I apologize if I seem cold, but please be willing to understand that usually when I'm sent stuff like this, there's an underlying malice. There's a reason why I turned anon off a long time ago (including but not limited to death/rape threats exclusive to my orientation/gender and antisemitism).

I am wary, but I hold no ill-will towards you, so long as you don't hold any towards me.

[voltronseatbelts]

this essay doesn’t have a proper intro bc it’s actually just a bunch of brainstorming while writing on 750words dot com but it’s basically about how voltron treats romance and relationships in the show and how certain fans are treated outside of the show, specifically the teenage demographic. just voltron fan culture in general. 

can't believe that voltron ended after six seasons! this is so sad. alexa play the form voltron sequence.

i don't know what to type since i should write like an actual 750 words but i only have like thirty minutes to do so and uuuh i'm not sure what to write. i'm not sure if i want to write prose after watching voltron season seven lmao. wow can't believe i finally watched voltron season seven and keith is straight.

actually that's definitely not the only thing i took from season seven, but it's the one i'm thinking about right now because uh i fucking predicted keith an axca?? uh paralelles???? that's not how u spell that. it's comedic. what i'm saying is i predicted keith and axca and even so they have barely any chemistry and season 7 episode whatever the fuck is like the first time they even had a conversation. what i'm saying is that i'm kind of floored that the romance truly is kind of half-assed in this show.

and i get it! i get it! this is definitely a show about war and it's impact. it's less about individual characters and their romantic relationships (especially that) and more about whatever the fuck atlas and their thick thighs are. u know? i understand that constructing meaningful relationships is kind of thrown to the wayside and not as important as like everything else. and to some extent i agree like romantic relationships aren't everything, and they're definitely not the first thing i think of when i'm constructing my own stories. from an original creator point of view, i understand it. in clearer waters, it's not about the romance as much as it is about power structures, pollution, and whatever else is important. but from a fan point of view (and like also kind of an original creator point of view?) the romantic relationships leave me unfulfilled. i'm wanting. and that's not necessarily a good thing, bc i'm NOT wanting lance and allura and axca and keith, because neither of them are... how do u say.... that well written.

what was i talking about today? in a show about war, about mecha, about something that feels so disconnected from my life (because space u know), romantic relationships in a western culture are a point of connection for the audience, especially an audience composed of teenagers. maybe the creators of VLD didn't expect teenagers (specifically teenage girls, a lot of them part of the LGBT+ community, but i can't be sure without official statistics. my perspective as one of them probably skews the demographic in my eyes). a story about romance isn't one they wanted to tell -- i can see it clearly by how they handle the romances. u know, throwing them in in the last few seasons as just a little bit of an afterthought. with an audience like teenage girls, who are definitely a touch stone for the values of western culture (being the dominant target for a western show like VLD), romantic relationships and general relationships are going to be an important point of interest. space and war is cool and interesting, but the different types of relationships -- familial, romantic, platonic -- are the real stars of the show in my eyes, and in the eyes of a demographic like teenage girls, for whom romance and relationships dominate. it's in high school culture, pop culture, and media and entertainment. whether that's nature or nurture is not the argument right now (altho if i may, i think it's nurture); the point is that that's the CULTURE. and that's why fans of VLD are in such an uproar over relationships and friendships that in many ways aren't satisfying or in character. because while the show is about war, ultimately what's important to a very vocal part of the fan base is the relationships between characters.

another point i can make about that is that in the beginning of the show, seasons 1-3, that WAS important to the show, too. the enormous cast wasn't built up yet, so there was plenty of time to fill, and that time was filled by constructing those meaningful relationships. when the cast grew, the bigger purpose of the show was emphasized -- whether because war was what the show was about all along or whether the cast became too big to focus on individual characters for longer than 1.5 seconds, i don't know. what i mean is that as the show progresses, relationships become less meaningful and the war message more meaningful, and the shift is jarring enough to be noticed. so, uh, i noticed. a lot.

another thing to touch on... is the response of the crew, cast, and others to the uproar over characters and relationships. lol. obviously, again, teenagers (again mostly girls and a lot of the time LGBT+) are an extremely vocal part of the fan base because of our easy use of the internet and its online communities and our social natures. and we've already established that for this demographic characters and relationships are important --  because they're a reflection of the tumultuous time in a teenager's romantic and social life, because they're touchstones of connection in a show that discusses pretty alien subjects. when the crew and cast and others respond in kind with dismay and defense, i think they kind of lose that connection to the fan base. it's a little ridiculous, and i've seen it all before. time and time again, teenage girls are dismissed as a demographic; wanted for their revenue, but ignored in the true nature of their complexity and ability to i dunno function in society.

the writer's room of voltron is all men, all a little older. lauren montgomery is the only woman. it's safe to say that the crew of voltron are a little out of touch with the demographic of teenage girls. actually, fucking everyone is. i've written a goddamn expos about this in my speech and debate club! here, let me find a part of it. i'm gonna quote myself from senior year of high school, bc this is a subject i've thought about a LOT. this expos as a whole is about the psychology and impacts of fans -- this section comparing football fans and one direction fans.

"Well, despite the stark similarities, fan groups are given intense stereotypes and tend to be treated disparately, mostly based on two factors, gender and age. Let’s not beat around the bush here: the factor is sexism.  Jackie Stacey, the author of Star Gazing: Hollywood Cinema and Female Spectatorship, analyzes the beginnings of movie fan culture in the 1910’s, depicting fans as an archetype of a “hysterical, starstruck teenage girl”, an image that has actually been around since Ancient Egypt all the way to Freud. Since then, the stereotype has perpetrated through all of pop culture. Think about it, when I began this speech, my mention of One Direction and Harry Styles’ hair style created an immediate emotion of disdain. Football fans have stereotypes too: supportive, confident, and loyal, according to the many NFL fan websites and their commentators. As teen girls, a marginalized group and stereotype, the things we often love - boy bands, pop stars, reality TV - are perceived as less important, and we are looked at as more crazy and obsessive than our equally obsessive football loving men counterparts. It’s the teen girl epidemic: though we are a cornerstone of modern media and economics, our fanaticism is more consistently deprecated than others. But who are we kidding? We both love watching cute men run around in tight pants."

sorry that's a long quote, but i think it's important! and i think it applies here! our interests are perceived as less important, and when our interests coincide with the interests of OTHER more important demographics -- 5-8 y.o. children, 30 y.o. men who watched DOTU – our perspectives are viewed as less important. Hysterical. And our means of communication, e.g. social media like tumblr, and methods of communication, e.g. scream-typing and general teenage culture, don’t do anything to legitimize the teenage girl perspective in the eyes of the creators.

it's probably maybe kind of not this deep. JDS and LM and crew wanted to write a story about war and mecha; they didn't know that their story would resonate so much with the teenage girl demographic, and they didn't know how to deal with that when it came time for their show to turn to it's true purpose and the teenage girls were like "hey wait a minute what about the magic of friendship?" and because we all know how teenage girls are treated, we all know the outcome of this... we can see it in the negative responses to season seven and fucking kacxa, which sounds like my cat barfing in the next room. i kid, but i don't.

anyway, i don't know how to conclude this and i'm so tired because i watched season seven 1.5 times today as well as the pilot, the conjuring, and 28 minutes of boss baby. what i'm saying is that relationships aren't the point of the show and that's cool, but keith and axca literally had like one conversation and now she's in love with his flippy hair, and my first reaction was "not this straight shit again". ah, max, u never learn. it's always the straight shit.

i'm negating my own points by not drawing them into a proper conclusion but i think u can extrapolate what i'm saying. also, when atlas's legs split into two i cried for five minutes. why doesn't atlas have feet. why are mecha so ugly. why doesn't anyone hug lance. He’s been sad since season 4 and it hasn’t been resolved yet. Someone should hug lance.

Oh my fucking god I HAVEN’T EVEN TALKED ABOUT ADAM AND SHIRO. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? I can’t even think about that right now i’m so mad and everyone else has already talked about that so just trust me adam and shiro are a part of this conversation too. Bc guess what LGBT+ fans are another marginalized demographic wanted for revenue and not perspective! Lol.

[catcatb0y]

Social media should have like a dislike button, but it's not like public or viewable to the artist? So that the algorithm can now what you don't want to see things like that, but it's not used as a weapon??

Like idk maybe I'm tired of negativity and shit, but also I get that people want to mark 'oh hey, I didn't like this' or maybe they're just in a bad mood or maybe they are tired of seeing content like that? And they want to 'dislike' something, and that's valid (especially with all of the websites out there taking your data in like the most sub-par way possible :/), but also I don't think that sort of negativity should be pushed onto the creator who spent so much time and effort on that piece or the people who are just,,, looking for the little joys in life.

I get that the world is shit, but it's so exhausting to see bad things twenty four seven, like, we weren't made for that. Especially when you have shit like depression and that negativity sticks to you; it's like crawling through mud only to reach for a frayed rope, and the cycle is so draining.

Anyway here's your daily PSA to enjoy the little things, focus on your own happiness, and while it's absolutely important to be critical of the themes in media that you enjoy, that doesn't mean that you or anyone else needs to dig until you FIND faults in the media or in the creator.

Also PSA, you don't need a reason to block or unfollow people! If someone posts things that you don't like or maybe just things that you'd rather not see, unfollow them! If you're even slightly uncomfortable with someone or their opinions, unfollow them! If you really don't want to see something that someone is posting about or their opinions on something, for fucks sake don't seek them out. Just block them.

Even if everyone loves that thing. Even if everyone hates that thing.

You don't have to wholeheartedly endorse a creator or a creator's behavior to enjoy their creation (of course you should use critical thinking here about them and their media and avoid directly supporting them /if they use their platform as a way to promote something that is harmful/ (for example, if you like JKR's books or the Harry Potter movies? Pirate them or buy from secondhand stores since those have already been paid for. If someone accuses you of being a terf (SOLELY) because you like Harry Potter? Block them and move on.) (On the opposite side, if you are trans and are worried about HP/JKR fans being terfs, listen, you can block them anyway. Of course, liking a piece of media, again, does not mean that you support the creator, but it's not YOUR duty to figure out whether or not someone feels that way about you.)

No matter who you are, this online experience is YOURS, and YOURS ALONE. If you have bad vibes? Unfollow/block. Don't want to see a certain bit of content? Blacklist the tag. If you have a mutual who (listen to me and listen well, only do this if they're not a specific blog. Like bro don't go up to (this is just an example) 'cat-emporium' and ask them to tag their cat pictures so that you can avoid seeing them on your dash. Just unfollow them or, if it's that bad, block them.) posts about a certain thing that you don't want to see, but doesn't tag the thing you can ASK- again, listen to me, they are not obligated to fulfill your request and sometimes they're not doing it out of malice- you can ASK them to tag that thing that you don't want to see. If they don't? Guess what? Just unfollow them.

Anyway, you curate your own online experience, and it's not up to the people around you to mold into what you want to see.

If you're complaining about constantly seeing something on your dash, that's literally your fault because you follow someone who posts about those things or for whatever reason the algorithm thinks that's something you might like. Just block people and move on. Don't want to see it? Scroll past it.

Maybe I'm just fandom old, but you don't owe anyone information. You don't need to say 'I like this, but don't support the creator'. You don't need to warn people when you unfollow them or pop into their DMs/asks to "get more information." People aren't entitled to that.

And they're not required to stick around. Not all relationships (parasocial, social, platonic, romantic, sexual, familial) are going to last forever, and that's okay.

If you really want to explain that you (example) identify as pan and not bi- not because you think bi is transphobic, but because gender doesn't matter when it comes to the people you go out/sleep with. I'm not saying that's bad, but you don't OWE anyone that explanation.

And even then, some people aren't going to listen to you anyway, they just want to hear themselves talk.

You're not responsible for the people around you, and they're not responsible for you.

Not everyone is secretly a bad person, but not everyone is actually really nice when you get to know them.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Hi! Do you like Gone with the Wind and what do you think about Scarlett O'Hara?

So.  Gone with the Wind and I have a complicated relationship.

I.  I’m a young child.  Maybe seven or eight.  My mom’s playing Gone with the Wind, which she would because my mom loves it.  It’s pretty boring, though I distinctly remember bits like Scarlett getting drunk after her second husband’s death and Scarlett and Rhett dancing while she’s in her widow’s weeds.  But there’s a scene I find particularly disgusting--when some guy’s leg gets amputated.  It’s gross and gory (to little me) so I’m like fuck this shit.

II.  I’m thirteen, in the eighth grade.  Gone with the Wind is a classic, and I was on a classic kick at the time because I’d just read Wuthering Heights and decided that it was one of my favorite books ever (it still is).  I check GWTW out from the library, and UGH, a fire is lit.  I devour that long-ass book.  I read it again.  I go on various websites dissecting it, read articles and analyses of what it all meant.  I watch the movie, buy the DVD, buy an ancient copy of the book because it’s beautiful and a paperback because I need more than one copy.  I read my mom’s book about the making of the movie, watch other movies Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh did.  I make the book the centerpiece of my final project/paper for 11th grade high school English, basically about how Rhett symbolized reconstruction south and Ashley symbolized the antebellum.  (I get an A.)  

III.  Some time passes.  I read more about how Butterfly McQueen felt about her role as Prissy--and I’m increasingly made more uncomfortable with her scenes.  I read about the paradox roles like Prissy and Mammy present, because while they’re not good representation for black women, it’s not like we can dismiss the importance of Hattie McDaniel’s Oscar win or the quality of those performances.  I think about what it means, exactly, that the movie cut the KKK plot from the book (and how did Margaret Mitchell feel about that plot--does the fact that Rhett, a character who symbolizes inevitable and necessary progressive change, think it’s bullshit mean something?).  And what about that marital rape scene?

Basically, I think that a lot of what you’ll see old white male film critics (who never consider the book, which admittedly aside from a few changes like aforementioned KKK plot and Scarlett’s first two children) critique about GWTW is bullshit.  The story itself, from a story perspective, is epic and complex.  It’s both entertaining and deep--there is intentional symbolism, there are incredibly deep characters.  I think it’s so important that the book was written by a woman and is about a woman--and a woman who isn’t good at all, but is selfish and sexually voracious and not a good mother or friend.  But who does love people truly and deeply, and doesn’t do what she does solely for personal gain (though that’s often her motivation).  Scarlett’s a real human being.  So is Rhett.  Many of the other characters are plot device-y, but those two felt and still feel wholly real to me.  (And though Melanie isn’t super real I love her anyway.)  

The issues with Gone with the Wind have nothing to do with things like character and story and everything to do with the fact it’s dated and inherently problematic.  Though I should note that Margaret Mitchell apparently disliked that the movie turned the story into a romantic ode to the bygone era of the south, when Mitchell herself evidently saw it as a story about how the south of Scarlett’s childhood had to die.  It was weak and unsustainable, like Ashley.  Does this mean she was progressive?  No.  There’s something wrong with Mammy’s undying loyalty to Scarlett, despite her critiques of the woman.  The slaves are treated as simpletons, more in the movie than in the book.  In the book you see Scarlett think stupid shit like “well the slaves wouldn’t get on without us” but you’re also like mmmm Scarlett is a dumbass a lot of the time and couldn’t do a lot of what she does without Mammy, SOOOO what’s really going on here.  I don’t know if that was intentional on Mitchell’s part, so I can’t critique it.

It’s impossible for the material to not be dated and problematic and I think that it’s important to consume it with a critical eye.  But yes, I absolutely love Gone with the Wind.  It’s one of my favorite books and favorite movies and Scarlett O’Hara is one of my favorite characters.

(I didn’t address the marital rape scene because... it’s another thing I have very mixed feelings about.  And I basically have to measure the scene by the way that Scarlett feels about it--which is also mixed.  Do I think it’s problematic that her reaction to that scene is basically “best sex of my life”?  Yes.  Do I think it’s out of character that Scarlett, a malicious person who takes pleasure in inflicting pain on others, who has enjoyed fighting with Rhett most of their relationship even before they married, and loves getting a rise out of him to find that experience thrilling?  Not really.  Does that absolve Rhett?  Nope.  But there’s also an element of “they deserve each other” to Scarlett and Rhett’s relationship tbh because while he’s hideous to her at points, she’s also incredibly emotional manipulative and abusive to him at times.  I’ll also say that the scene is waaaay more interesting in the book, for obvious reasons because the movie at the time couldn’t show what happened AFTER they went into the bedroom.  And even in the book it’s vague, but it’s debated for a reason.)

I love Scarlett so much and I measure a good character by Scarlett sometimes.  She’s just such a hateful person, and yet so many of us love her?  She’s an antihero, a borderline villain to be honest.  When you really look at GWTW, it’s this 12-year saga of a woman-child who wraps people around her little finger romantically and platonically, is incredibly jealous and vindictive and basically sets out to ruin another woman’s life because of events entirely out of her control.  She’s a horrible wife, basically not giving a fuck about her first husband, only marrying the second because she needs cash (and ruining her own sister’s prospects in the process) and ignoring the fact that she loves Rhett and absolutely destroying him emotionally in part because... he genuinely loves her?  She genuinely loves him?  It’s complicated.  Also she’s like the worst mom and it’s kind of HILARIOUS in a dark way.  Scarlett being like “BE A LITTLE MAN WADE” to her sobbing toddler in wartorn Georgia as they struggle to escape Atlanta is... terrible but iconic.  It’s implied that her second child suffers from fetal alcohol syndrome and Scarlett just dislikes her because she’s ugly.  Rhett is literally a better parent to his two stepchildren than their own mother, which isn’t saying shit because Rhett is a human disaster whose indulgence of his child indirectly leads to her death.

But the thing is that I admire so much Scarlett’s ability to survive.  Her sheer determination and resilience.  I think the book is kind of about the fact that in order to survive certain things, you have to let your inner rabid animal out.  You can’t necessarily be a good person and live through certain traumas, and that’s... okay.  Maybe you can recover your goodness, but if letting go of it means that you’ll keep your life and your sanity intact--that shit happens.  And it’s also about growing up and shedding the dreams of what you thought life would be, accepting the reality that the world has given you.  That’s what Scarlett as a character is about, really.  

And just as landmarks of fiction, the book and the movie are hugely impactful.  The book contributed heavily to the idea of the flawed female protagonist, sometimes the antagonist of her own story.  It’s an erotic read, and the movie for the day was an erotic movie--and that eroticism is targeted towards WOMEN, the female audience.  Scarlett is allowed to be a sexual being--in fact, it’s a big part of the Ashley vs. Rhett conflict.  Sure, Ashley is her romantic dream, but what if a woman doesn’t just want romance?  What about the sexual side of her that isn’t necessarily about love--it’s about getting fucked and well?  (Say what you will about That Scene, but the image of Vivien Leigh SINGING in bed after implied sex was a pretty big deal for the 1930s, esp. when it came to mainstream blockbusters.)  God, what about the fact that though Rhett leaves her at the end, Scarlett isn’t necessarily “punished” in one big sweeping way.  Her life is a nightmare, sure--she loses her parents, her favorite child, her unborn baby, the husband she loves ditches her after she finally realizes that she loves him.  But she’s alive.  She’s got her ancestral home.  She lives to fight another day and ends the story with hope.  After all she’s done, the story STILL lets her have another shot at life.  Hell, she’s still only in her late twenties.  Few male protagonists got away with that kind of shit, let alone females.  I love it.

Also, she definitely gets Rhett back after the book is done, I’m not saying it’s right or fair, I’m saying that Rhett Butler is her emotional bitch and there’s no way he didn’t take her back eventually, the end.  

[elizabethrobertajones]

Im a destiel fan who hates Jack. Jack being equated with Dean to Cas disguts me (as does Jack all together or the whole incest sam and dean daddy storyline) , so if anybody should be mentioned after Dean re: Cas it should be Sam , his friend of a decade and not Jack satans manchild writers pet fanservice crack fic trope. Lmao I laughed at this myself I dont think there is hope for me with my hatred against Jack he could marry deancas and I still would want him to drop dead

But Jack has done basically nothing? I mean now he’s another bland white guy to add to the cast but at this point we’re just going to have to lump it on that issue if we’re committed to carrying on watching since he’s already cast and a series regular and what do we do with that… 

I mean… Do you just hate the fan spec about him?? Or what he did as an unborn baby and all the drama about him and Kelly because the Buckleming episodes were so dreary for a large chunk of the season? I mean I TOTALLY get being indifferent to him because I really don’t know how I’ll feel about him until I get to enjoy him on screen but I’m hoping I’ll like him so the season is easy to watch… I don’t hate him even if the concept hasn’t exactly been grabbing me, because I still consider myself in the pre-opinion stage on Jack because we know basically nothing about the actual character except some spoilers here and there? If the actor has a ton of fun charm and sells the character then I’m all for it. I didn’t really like Amara for the first half of season 11 but Emily Swallow was great so when they just let her be Amara and ditched the kid stuff I came to quite like her because she had great presence and made me believe in the character, while the parade of little girls and teenagers was… not great. 

But anyway, sorry I think you’re completely misunderstanding Dabb. I mean I answered that question thinking you were a Sam/Cas shipper with a generic Dean n Cas are buddies answer but it’s the same answer I think explains anything PR-y because they are not going to talk about Dean n Cas as if they are a romantic couple in the PR because they’re not selling it that way. I mean I’d love it if Dabb came out to give a paragraph to Dean’s reaction with a wink wink of course he acts different, but it me it’s great he mentioned Dean and Jack as having a strong bond with Cas and just forgets Sam because it’s in dropping Sam that it points out - PLATONICALLY as this is how he’s talking about it - Dean has an immensely powerful relationship with Cas. And Jack has one too for different reasons, in the same way Amara sprung up latched onto Dean, Jack and Cas have a connection which is sudden and ambiguous.

OF COURSE Dabb isn’t talking about either of these as a romantic bond or comparing them against each other as if they are. It says nothing about Jack and Cas to compare it about Cas and Dean in the context of words coming out of the showrunner’s mouth in a short teasing interview for a website where he says like 3 paragraphs intended to get a general audience worked up about watching the next season. This is why we say “PR is not showrunning” because these interviews do not reflect exactly the purpose or intent of the writers because they’re selling a party line on what it all means in the broadest possible way which sounds best… Any analysing we do on these words is reading between the lines with our extra knowledge to guess at it, but it’s all deeply, deeply… surface level and trite. There’s noooothing to worry about here.

I mean, I don’t know, I’m still waiting to see if I like Jack or not but the point is that Dabb was just laying out some emotional directions for the story there, suggesting what dynamics are going to be interesting for us maybe. You don’t like Jack, so whatever he says about Jack isn’t for you, fair enough… But he’s not devaluing Sam and Cas or whatever in that omission. He’s trying to sell the new character to people who don’t have a strong opinion or need reminding the show is coming back and to check it out when it does. Saying Cas and Dean have a strong relationship is a given, and Jack and Cas are connected already in the story based on how the end of last season went down, so it’s natural to mention that too. Sam and Cas are close but that’s a given and apparently not a direction the story needs to focus on since last season they weren’t building up anything dramatic…

I mean, idk what to say still even now I get it but that maybe you need to stop taking Dabb at his word that everything he says is of utmost carved in stone importance about the show and character dynamics and this indicates literally everything he feels about the characters, and how season 13 will play out. He’s just giving an interview to try and get people excited about things. 

[chriztophe]

[Wrote this originally on Valentine’s Day.. couldn’t top it.] 1st- if you want the funny and cool “Make America Gay Again” shirt in the pics here, go to my PAL-entine Jordan Buckley’s website JBWW.COM Then, From my Internet soapbox, today, Valentine’s day I wanna share the simple sentiments that Love is Love, that all LGBTQ+ people, just by being born and existing, are entitled to and deserving of full access to all the love, pleasure, pain, and rights of all relationships, from purely platonic, to asexual, to purely sexual, to casual, to deeply romantic, to marriage, to literally anything else on any consensual spectrum. I’m a black straight male, and I can recognize the level of privilege I enjoy with that distinction, and the general absence of stigma around my love life. You are important simply because you exist. You’re seen, supported and allied by many. You are NOT invisible. Also NOT invisible are the micro- and macro- aggressions in culture, entertainment, religion, legislation and society as a whole. Globally, nationally, and locally with your unique perspectives, you witness and suffer tragedies and injustices. Then when you speak about these occurrences you’re silenced, ignored, belittled, or met with those who play pointless “devil’s advocate” scenarios to discredit and distract from your feelings. You and your voices matter just as much as any other, you always have. We’ve been speaking in binaries and hetero-normative phrasing for too long, and even if this isn’t intentionally exclusionary, the result still is. More of us need to be vocal (maybe not as long-winded as I am🤭) about these things and our position in the community as allies, and advocates for real across-the-board equality. Helping to change the hearts, minds, and laws of the remaining hateful people and places inside our spheres of influence. #LoveIsLove #LGBT LGBTQ #LGBTQA+ #Stonewall50 #MakeAmericaGayAgain #Pride #PrideWeek #PrideMonth #PrideYear #PrideLife 🌈 🏳️‍🌈❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤💔💘✊🏾✊🏼✊🏽✊🏻✊🏿✊ (at Planet Earth) https://www.instagram.com/p/ByLDEEdgOI2/?igshid=1wrauaku77rvt

[very-secret-diary]

I was tagged by @girl-of-summer (thank you!)

the last …


1. drink: Water, always

2. phone call: Apparently my sister but I think that was an accident, so actually my mom as usual

3. text message: Amanda, pretty much this will be my answer whenever asked this question

4. song you listened to: I’m not sure, something on the radio?  I wasn’t paying attention tbh

5. time you cried: Um well I almost started crying earlier today?  My family was all outside doing fireworks and I finally decided maybe I could deal with it and I went out and they lit one and the sound stressed me out so bad I had to immediately go back inside and hold back tears?  But for real was yesterday because I’m a mess.

6. dated someone twice: Never even dated someone once

7. kissed someone and regretted it: #neverbeenkissed

8. been cheated on: Lol nope

9. lost someone special: A few years ago

10. been depressed: I am almost 100% sure that I have pdd so like, always

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Never

favorite colors

12. Grey

13. Emerald green

14. Can I say grey again???

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: Sure, ish

16. fallen out of love: Nope lol

17. laughed until you cried: Plenty, I do that

18. found out someone was talking about you: No

19. met someone who changed you: Nah

20. found out who your friends are: I always know who my friends are

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: Nope

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: The vast majority

23. do you have any pets: Yes, two dogs, two cats, and technically a pig but I don’t really count that

24. do you want to change your name: No, I will never change any bit of my name, the most I would even consider doing is hyphenating my last name if I got married, and even then that’s unlikely (both getting married and hyphenating if I did)

25. what did you do for your last birthday: I baked myself some cookies, say in my room away from all human contact, and reread the Foxhole Court while eating those cookies all by myself.  Also my cousin gave my a free ice cream cone.  It was nice, even though it was the first time I had a birthday away from my family. 26. what time did you wake up: 9:45ish because my mom woke me up so we could go to my aunts house, normally it would be later

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Watching the Power Rangers movie with my family

28. name something you can’t wait for: To finally live in a place with AC again

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: I mean I’m lying on her bed rn, but she is in the front room, so the last time I actually saw her was like an hour or two ago lol

31. what are you listening to right now: The sound of the defective window unit the provides the only bit of cool air in my house

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: I don’t think so?

33. something that is getting on your nerves: Trying to survive a Florida summer without AC, it’s making me irritable lol

34. most visited website: Tumblr and YouTube.  Technically on my laptop it says I go on YouTube more, but I use Tumblr mobile more than on my computer so yeah

35. hair colour: It’s definitely brown at this point, it used to be blonde and has darkened with age

36. long or short hair: What do I have?  It’s like medium length right now, but I want to cut it shorter, to above my shoulders (that bisexual haircut is really what I’m aiming for).  But I do sometimes miss my insanely long hair.  On other people anything is nice.

37. do you have a crush on someone: Real people?  No.  Fictional people? So many.

38. what do you like about yourself: ??? I’m smartish. Edit: also my hair is really soft when I actually shower.

39. piercings: I pierced my ears on my 5th birthday, but I have not worn earrings since 5th grade so yeah

40. blood type: I have no clue but I really wish I did 

41. nickname: Some people in my family call me Karebear?  And my little sister when she was a baby called me Ra-ra, and currently my family refers to me as that when talking to my 6 month old cousin, but that’s really it.  Kara is short enough as it is.  Oh, some people like calling me Car-uh instead of Kare-uh, either to annoy me (family and friends) or because they constantly forget how to actually pronounce it so I’ve stopped correcting them (some teachers and acquaintances), but idk if that really counts

42. relationship status: Single

43. zodiac: Sagittarius 

44. pronouns: She/her

45. favourite tv show: Avatar the Last Airbender, no question

46. tattoos: None currently, one day though

47. right or left handed: Right handed

48. surgery: Never had one thankfully

49. so called “flaws”: Lol I’m both majorly insecure and have a superiority complex (about some things), which is super fun.  I have a hard time admitting I’m wrong, and when I know I’m right I will argue past the point that I technically should.  I am a major major procrastinator who should be failing everything but I’m not, somehow.  I like to lie.  I’m actually kind of a really mean person.  Like god, I’m not a good person.

50. sports: Exy

51. vacation: I would love to travel everywhere and do something actually exciting and interesting

more general

53. eating: I don’t do it as much as I should

54. drinking: Water, forever and always.  I’m in like year 15 of literally only drinking water

55. i’m about to: Idk what I’m gonna do after this, maybe try to sleep, maybe read a little bit of the Raven King

56. waiting for: ? Nothing currently

57. want: So many things, but mostly air conditioning

58. get married: I’m not opposed, but it is not something I expect.  If I do it will almost definitely be to a girl though, just putting that out there.

59. career: I am going to be a social worker, preferably international child welfare but we’ll see, everything is good

60. hugs or kisses: Hugs, but only my family and little kids

61. lips or eyes: Eyes are so so pretty, always eyes

62. shorter or taller: I don’t care, most girls are shorter than me, most guys are my height or taller.  I like my height currently and others peoples height does not matter at all to me.

63. older or younger: Is this like about dating?  Cause I don’t care as long as the gap is not too big?

64. nice arms or nice stomach: Um?  I guess arms, because all tummies are good tummies unless they are mine, but my opinion on arms is more variable.  Can I choose hands though, because lol that’s a thing.

65. hook up or relationship: Relationship

66. troublemaker or hesitant: I’m hesitant in practice, but somewhere in the middle in theory

67. kissed a stranger: again #neverbeenkissed

68. drank hard liquor: When you’ve only had water since you were 5 it really limits the exposure to alcohol, so no

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: I am constantly misplacing my glasses, but I’ve never lost them for more than a day or two

70. turned someone down: Nope

71. sex on the first date: I don’t think I would, but I support anyone and everyone else who decides to do so

72. broken someone’s heart: Almost certainly not

73. had your heart broken: Not in terms of my own relationships, other, fictional ones, lol yes

74. been arrested: No

75. cried when someone died: Probably when my grandfathers died, but I was to little to really be sure

76. fallen for a friend: I mean, I’ve had small crushes on people that I talk too, but I have very few people that I consider true friends, and I’ve never actually “fallen” for anyone

do you believe in …

77. yourself: That’s complicated, but I guess, I have a solid, mostly realistic life plan that I think is very possible

78. miracles: Also complicated?  Divine miracles?  Not really.  But it depends on how you define miracles.  I like to call really wonderful things that happen against almost all odds miracles, so of course.

79. love at first sight: Romantically No.  You can have an almost immediate connection with someone (though you need more than sight for that, you need some sort of communication), but love grows.  But familial love, yes.  It is so so possible to fall in love with a new baby or other family member right away.  And maybe that even extends to other types of platonic love.

80. santa claus: Lol as long as I have children in my life, then of course

81. kiss on the first date: If both parties are up for it then sure

82. angels: Not really.  I’m a strong agnostic so I don’t believe, but I don’t disbelieve either.  And I do sometimes like to think about it, there is something nice about it

other

83. current best friend’s name: Amanda and Victoria

84. eye colour: I say green, other’s say blue (and they used to 100% be blue), but it really depends on what I’m wearing and the lighting, it changes how people perceive  them

85. favourite movie: Okay I’m going to list some of them: The Proposal (I seriously know almost every line to this movie I’ve watched it so many times), 10 Things I Hate About You (god I will never get over Kat and Patricks relationship), Big Hero 6 (that movie will always hold such a special place in my heart, especially Tadashi).  I feel like I’m forgetting some important ones but like, I guess they can’t be my true true favorites if I’m not immediately thinking of them. And again I’m tagging: @weighing-of-wands @trucha-sai @andyouwait and @pansexualize, but again no pressure friends, I just don’t want to not tag anyone

[rueur]

Morning Pages #40 (06.03.2017)

Monday 6th March - 1:19 p.m.

Morning pages number forty for today, which I’m feeling pretty proud of myself over. I know it’s not much of a big fete considering how many days I’ve skipped writing these because of everything that’s happened over this past month, but even so I’m at least glad I’ve stuck with it this far. I didn’t write anything yesterday because honestly the whole day was spent in the most idyllic way. Evan and I pretty much spent the day with each other, minus a couple of hours where he had basketball practice in the morning and I went to meet Jerica at Greensy. I slept over at his on Saturday night after going to his friend Claudia’s 18th with him, because there was a huntsman at Emily’s place (since Friday night, really) and it had moved from the living room to the bedroom over Saturday, whilst we were out. Evan tried to move it with me but we ended up just making it incredibly aggravated and it hid in the little gap between the curtain and the north wall of the bedroom. In the end we just decided that the easiest and safest thing to do was for me to go home with him and at least get a little sleep in a spider-less room. It was rather lovely in the end, considering we weren’t ready to say goodbye to each other on Saturday night anyway. A bunch of his friends asked us to go to Merri Park and smoke with them and I was honestly kind of tempted, because it was free and because I was thinking it would be kind of fun to get high with him. He said that he wanted to get high with me for the first time at his brother’s place, because then I’d get to meet his brother and his brother’s girlfriend too. He really loves me. It’s a little baffling that somebody could just fall in love with me so quickly after the grief I experienced with Ikaros, the months that I waited for him to catch up to me in regards to the feelings that I had developed for him. After a year and a half of wishing somebody would love me the way I loved them, it’s just so refreshing being with somebody who could love me instantly, whose so sure of his love for me that it feels absurd not to let me know purely for convention’s sake alone.

Evan and I stayed up again last night, because we couldn’t get enough of each other’s company. We did this challenge he found online this one time: 36 questions to fall in love. The idea is that two people sit down and answer the same 36 questions given by the website and that by the end of the 36 questions, they’d have either fallen in love or would be falling in love, because of the intimate nature of the questions. The answers Evan and I managed to share with each other did turn out to be rather intimate. I was surprised by how much I managed to tell him. I told him about the time thathi broke my bed whilst I was on it, and about achchi amma and seeya thatha taking care of me and all the jigsaw puzzles seeya thatha would number for me. I told him a little more about my being sick, and about my mother. In turn, he told me about his parents and growing up in his brother’s shadow, of being a shy child and how he believes that being that closed off for so long has allowed him to become the open and free person that he is now. We were both surprised to discover through answering these questions, that neither of us have really managed to hold onto any childhood regret or embarrassment, that we’ve allowed ourselves to be unburdened of all our past shames. We are not at all pent up, and this revelation was such a welcome occurrence. I also discovered that affection and love play a major role in his life, and he considers them to be perhaps the most important things he could hold. I agreed. I don’t know if it shows through these pages, but I’m a person who loves giving myself to others. I enjoy spending time with the people I love, and showing people that I love them. I trust wholeheartedly and from the beginning of any relationship (romantic or platonic), and will always believe that people are inherently good. There was a question that asked what superpower or special skill would we ask for if we could have one. Not only did he guess straight away that I would say ‘flight’, but he also answered with ‘universal compassion’ for himself. He said that he wants to be the kind of person who can put himself in another person’s shoes without fail, and will then always understand why people act the way they have. He’s already so compassionate, so sincere and kind and sure of himself, I’m sure he’s not far off from attaining this universality he so strives for. I love him so much. I told him last night that I had never been with someone who had brown eyes before, like not romantically, and that being with him was like being at home, and looking into his eyes felt like I was looking at somebody who knew me and who understood me.

He told me that he had made a promise to his ex, that when he meets somebody else and moves on from her, he wouldn’t let her know and he’d even try and keep the knowledge of his new relationship from her. He told me last night though, that he kind of just hopes that he won’t have to see or speak to her again because what we have now is so so important and he doesn’t want anything to jeopardise it or potentially harm it in any way. I just took a massive break from writing too, because I had to send him a link to the song ‘Warm Enough’ by The Social Experiment because I just realised that J. Cole is the guy who wrote the last verse of that song, and also that song kind of reminds me of all the ways that Ikaros failed me, or I guess all the ways we failed each other, and the way that that relationship made me feel: like a thing that was second to him, not equal to him. But J. Cole’s verse in that song shows that the person who considers themselves first before all others, is also experiencing some remorse over their inherent ways. It’s not that Noname Gypsy is not warm enough for summertime, it’s just that J. Cole is. I mean the respective voices that they adopt in the song. I told Evan about all the difficulty I had with getting Ikaros to consider my feelings and to be emotionally faithful to me, and how his actions during our time together kind of drove me towards meeting and being with other people even whilst I was with him. I told him that I technically did cheat or at least felt like I did cheat in my last relationship, because I was really only doing exactly what Ikaros had been doing. Evan told me that it didn’t sound like Ikaros really respected me, so I was in the clear morally, because I’m a person too and I deserve to feel loved. I can’t believe I met him, I really can’t. I think meeting him has become a highlight in my life. I don’t know, everything’s happened so quickly and I know the rest of it doesn’t have to follow this rapid trend, but I wouldn’t actually mind if it did. Even so, we have enough time. I expect to know him for decades to come. I feel like what I have with him could stand the test of time. I feel like we both really want it too as well. I feel like he’s already writing me into his future. And I’m writing him into mine, and I’m really happy just thinking about this.

He went into the city before he came to see me yesterday, around 3 p.m. was when we finally met up after I left his place in the morning. He rocked up with a little JBL Charge 3, which is a smaller version of the massive portable speaker akki got Anthony for Christmas this year. We spent what was essentially the entire day yesterday showing each other our music. I listened to J. Cole’s last two albums, and he listened to ‘Acid Rap’ and also ‘The Social Experiment’, their first album. We also had sex a bunch of times this weekend, three to be precise. The first time was as organised on Saturday, before Claudia’s 18th. It was funny though, because we were acting really insanely cute at that party and Evan’s friends asked how long we’d been together and we said ‘just over a month’ because it had been, and they would woo whenever we kissed or anything, and referred to us at one point as an old married couple, because of the way we behaved around each other; there was an air of comfort and familiarity with us that seems odd to have been attained only within a month or so of knowing each other. Also keeping in mind the fact that that day also happened to be the first day we’d had sex, it was just kind of funny to think that we had maybe strengthened that level of comfort by becoming more physically intimate. The sex was fantastic, by the way. It was as intense as I thought it would be and I was very into it, even though he was fingering me during the foreplay. I only told him this morning that historically I didn’t like fingering too much, but it’s actually really really hot when he does it. I think it’s because his hands are so large and tough, masculine. Goodness, I could talk about this for days. But I’m typing this all at uni right now, between my classes. I have advanced screenwriting in a little over an hour, about 70 minutes. The class goes until 5:45 p.m. and I don’t have enough time to eat anything beforehand so I’ll probably leave that class feeling rather hungry. All I had for breakfast was a small bowl of porridge and a little square of Lindt chocolate. I made breakfast for us today and I also made Evan lunch on Saturday and dinner last night, but the last two meals were literally just spicy mi goreng. I’m feeling a little sleepy right now, because I only got about four hours of sleep last night, because I was so immersed in this boy. We’ve been killing sleep at every opportunity we’ve had to be together. He’s coming over again tomorrow, so I’ll be sleeping alone tonight after spending the last two nights with him. We spoke about this right before we parted ways this morning, about how tonight is going to be a bit lonely. But Tuesday night will be lovely again, and we’ll get to sleep in on Wednesday morning too. We also kind of slept in today. I mean I woke up a bit before 7:30 a.m. and he woke up whilst I was in the bathroom, so unfortunately he had to wake up alone. I felt really bad about that. Anyway, we only really left bed at 10:30 a.m., because we were listening to music for a little while longer. And then we had sex again, and it was really really fun but also a little fast because I gave him head beforehand so I think he was perhaps already halfway to cumming before he put the condom on. I wanted to go down on him though, because he’s so sweet and sweet people like him deserve blowjobs. I don’t even know what to write about, how to structure this morning’s pages, because there’s just so much wonderful stuff to talk about and I know I can’t possibly talk about all of it. In fact, I’m toying with the idea of just writing a fourth page right now to make up for the fact that I didn’t write anything yesterday, maybe a descriptive piece of this boy. Oh, I have a few more things to say about the questions we asked of each other last night. There was a question that asked us to name five things each that we enjoyed or admired of our partner. He said that he loved my nose and the way it’s so defined, and how its definition adds to the already impressive quality of my smile. He said that he also loved how my bottom lip has a perfect part in the middle. He likes the way my hair can be pushed to one side and can stay put, and the way my hair frames my face. He likes my singing voice! He heard me sing a lot yesterday. He likes the way I can grow bashful in front of him, and the way that I curl up next to him. Some things he didn’t even want to tell me, because he felt that they were secret things that he just wanted to silently cherish or enjoy. He wasn’t going to tell me about the bottom lip thing but then I asked if these things he admired were things I might change or grow self-conscious of if he were to tell me about them and he decided that I couldn’t change the lip thing so it wouldn’t hurt if he told me. If anything it helped, it made me feel really loved. I didn’t know if he’d noticed too much of the detail in my face despite staring at me so much, because I’ve been rather playful and active with my exploration of him, I mean I’m always touching his face and his upper body. To be fair, he’s been using his hands a lot too, but mostly on my back and my hips and my ass, and my legs, not so much with my face. He really likes my ass. I think it’s safe to assume at this point that I have a great ass. I know I shouldn’t objectify myself but I just can’t help but feel really really happy right now, okay? Don’t take this from me. Let me be a little indulgent, and feel really grateful and satisfied and loved. I feel like I’ve been starved for this level of emotional intimacy for far too long. The way we’ve been taking each other in, it’s been so raw and uninhibited, and we’ve just been on the same wavelength the entire time. Everything feels really smooth and RIGHT.

Okay it’s a little past 2:30 p.m. now and I need to do my reading before my tutorial starts, so I think I’m going to end this fourth page here, about halfway down the page. Actually, I’m a bit over halfway. It’s not about filling space though, right? These pages are getting easier to fill and I think the reason why is because I’ve been writing shit for the past few weeks. I haven’t been challenging myself, giving myself prompts or any restrictions to aid in the creation of a marketable, shareable piece. It could easily be a personal narrative piece, if I just make myself write more elegantly as I do in these pages. I have read back through what I’ve written in these pages occasionally, and everything reads as a rather basic journaling exercise. Yes. I think it’s time to challenge myself, explore some new genres and shake it up a bit. Maybe I can try some actual journalism tomorrow. I had my second lecture for that subject just now. We looked at interviewing skills, technique and etiquette mostly. Our example interviewer was Jeremy Paxman, who straight up asked a politician why he failed? Like he had a bit of background info, and then delivered the question as ‘Why did you fail?’. How much more straightforward and brutal can you get? He did come off as a bit condescending at times, but at others he seemed more passionate and sincerely interested in what his subjects had to say, and also in calling out his subjects on their bullshit. I’d like to see what I can accomplish in this class. I might end up surprising myself, although it’s hard to say that too, considering my past difficulties with journalistic writing.