#this is messy but it was 100% done for fun and my own enjoyment so sale of vee as the french say

[urban-caravan]

the modern prometheus

[quinloki]

God this kink game is both entertaining and educational! its so fun lol

can I request Katakuri, Heat, and Cavendish, the kinks being Food play, Feather play (I think thats what its called) and Shibari

Oh thank you \o/ I'm feeling pretty pumped, so I'm knocking a couple of these out tonight before I dive into other writing.

Feather Play would fall under Sensation Play - which is kind of a general term for things like temperature play (wax and ice cubes are the common ones), sensory deprivation/overload, etc.

As for Food Play - there's a few variants: Sitophilia - which is sexual interest in eating food off one's own body or another's (or using food for sexual gratification like what happens to quite a few well-shaped eggplants, I'm sure.)

There's also Sploshing - which is the use of food during play. Sometimes referred to as WAM (wet and messy) XD

I'm going to go with an assumption here and stick with the "basics" of whipped cream and chocolate syrup.

Also new guys! I think this is my first time getting Cavendish \o/ (and only my second time for Heat!)

Alright, we'll do this alphabetically ♥

Cavendish:

Feather Play - FUCK Yes - Despite his powerful need for attention, Cavendish can give it. Tickling your senses, or having his own tickled, with something as delicate and light as a feather is right up his alley. He is skilled, even if he has to be motivated to show it properly, and so you'll be amazed at what he can do with a feather or two.

More likely though, or at least on a 50/50 vibe, you'll be giving as much as receiving with Cavendish, and if you're more of a dom than a sub, he'll be happy to "bend" to your will. (Cavendish is 100% a bottom though. >.> )

Food play - No - I cannot see Cavendish enjoying anything that would cause a mess. No matter how careful you try to be food + kink = mess. He's practically a pillow princess, imo. (Nothing wrong with that, but he's not risking food in his hair.)

Shibari - receiving FUCK Yes / Giving - Sure - there's an elegance to Shibari, and since it's elegant it suits Cavendish just fine. He's not as good at tying someone else up as he is at being tied up, but he does find enjoyment in it in either situation. Not only is clean, and beautiful, but it's also very quiet. There's time to talk, to tease, to touch, to bond. Even with his impressive arrogance and desire to be in the spotlight, he does like having the chance to assure you you're appreciated.

Shibari is low key enough to provide the opportunity. (So is feather play, but there's usually a focus on gratification with that, that isn't something that happens quickly with Shibari (if at all). ).

Heat:

Feather Play - Yes - There's a softness in feather play - by it's very nature, and Heat enjoys that. There's also a special level in hell for people who purposefully tickle you every time you're nearly at the climax of your pleasure from a feather, and Heat is likely destined for that specific location. You're sure to be praising him and begging him during such a session, and that's only going to drive him to want to tease you and please you more.

Food play - FUCK Yes - Sex should be messy. A good meal should be messy. The Kid Pirates all kind of revel in the idea that fun entertains some level of mess. Sure, you can be gentle, and soft, and quiet, and those moments are important too, but a food fight could turn into a group orgy in the mess hall without a whole lot of effort, I'm just saying.

But yes, Heat can smother you in icing or whatever, and spend forever licking you clean. Probably even in places you didn't get any icing...

Shibari - Oh god you don't even know - Not only do you end up at his mercy by the end of it, but you'll look even more beautiful than usual when he's done. Heat's shibari skills are solid, he's not as good a rigger as Kid is, and he's not as meditative with it as Killer is, but he's by no means lacking in either department.

In a modern AU, you and Heat might make a pretty penny by posting/selling Shibari pinups. Maybe guest star on Kid's OF a time or two. >.>

Katakuri:

Feather Play - FUCK Yes - The feather is absolute assurance that Kata cannot accidentally harm you. He can give you pleasure without hardly a single concern, and the moans and soft giggles he pulls from you are music to his ears. The only downside might be how much you'd have to mewl and beg to get him to finally touch you directly, or give you release. He could easily spend hours just watching you twitch and gasp and moan for him.

Food play - Oh god you donut even know - ahem. Look I'm just saying, there's canonically something there already. I mean, I'd let that tongue lick me clean of frosting and sprinkles >.>

The more serious answer is, it's a testament to your relationship that he combines something he loves - but is hyper aware of - with someone he loves. It's honestly a huge showing of trust, and if you lay yourself out on one of those big donuts and embrace his desire to combine food and kink, he'll be deliriously thrilled.

Shibari - Yes - It's quiet, it takes focus and skill, and it's long moments spent together with you. There might be the occasional gasp (depending on how you feel about being tied up), and it's a little more hands on than feather play so Kata gets a little nervous, but that future sight helps put him at ease a lot.

He enjoys making decorative looping patterns, and tying things juuuust tight enough to leave little red lines on your skin afterward. He'll kiss those marks so tenderly that you certainly don't mind them at all.

[juneviews]

Hi axelle! 😸 I've seen almost all bls but I haven't watched any gmmtv het show. which one would you recommend to a newbie? I prefer something light and funny. my favorite actors are Off, Gawin and Neo

hi! I'm glad you're gonnna give non bl thai dramas a chance, and as for your fave actors... TASTE 😌 here's my fave non bl gmmtv shows from best to still good but not the best:

the gifted: simply an amazing & super unique show with very little flaws & one of the best open-endings ever. haven't been able to bring myself to watch the sequel so watch that at your own discretion.

midnight motel: my favorite show of the year so far, fun & quirky, super tight execution, great plot twists, iconic characters & simply one of the most underrated shows ever. contains off & neo so you'll love it 100%!

ps: I hate you: the best female-led show I've ever seen. there's messiness & drama and the characters are all super flawed but you still root for them! the performances are also incredible & this show is truly one of my all time faves!

angel beside me: the first more classic romcom of the list, but despite being kind of a silly premise with an angel falling on earth, it actually tackles some really deep issues like depression & poverty??? and the chemistry & bond between the characters was crazy good. I definitely recommend!

happy birthday: this show will make you cry for 13 eps straight but you'll love it. it has some of the best performances ever & is just the kind of show that hits you right in the chest with feels & beauty. absolutely one of my most beloved thai dramas.

a gift to the people you hate: such an underrated show but absolutely iconic! if you like messiness & plot twists, you'll love this one! it's just unhinged & has a really cool world-building!!!

girl next room: richy rich: since your 3 faves are off, neo & gawin I really recommend you watch this! richy rich is off's most popular straight series bc he's simply perfect in this role (and biconic!!!), and gawin is in the motorbike baby story as mook's second lead & he???? absolutely ate, he's so dreamy in that! neo is in every story & absolutely hilarious (especially in the scenes with off, you cannot miss girl next room!

love at first hate: classic romcom but the chemistry is some of the best & the male lead??? IS DADDY MCDREAMY!!! a really enjoyable series!

46 days: another series with the offmild pairing from girl next room, and this show is crazy but has such fun characters, great chemistry & even the villain is my fave??? the whole cast is the best & it's the only show by this director that is truly genuinely so good!

mint to be: another romcom with mook bc she's the romcom queen lol, this one is short & sweet, the chemistry is excellent & the cast is really fun. there's none of your faves in it BUT one of the characters is obsessed with off who's an idol in that show & she has pillows with his face on it and it's ICONIC!!!

who are you: one of the most acclaimed gmmtv shows, notably for its actresses namtan & jan who acted their ass off in it! it's a really well done show with insanely good acting, but the reason it's not higher on this list is that it's a bit forgettable? it was in my top 10 fave shows from 2021 though.

my dear loser: monster romance: another romcom with mook lol no one is surprised, this one actually really surprised me bc it was the first time I saw lee outside of his usual perfect role. look, I love the man but most of his roles are kinda... boring? and here he ate. the whole universe of the show is super different from usual & the love story is very cute, and honestly it immediately became one of my fave straight thai romances!

baker boys: another show where lee plays a really good role! this one contains queer characters but is not a bl at all. I LOVED the found family trope of it, and literally cried when it ended bc I got really attached to the characters & me crying when a show ends is a huge indicator that I loved it. sadly this show is pretty tainted now bc my fave character was played by foei who's famously an anti-lgbtq+ bitch so yeah... but if you can stomach his bigot face I'd say give it a try, pluem plays one of the cutest characters in existence!

(also just realized I completely missed the light & funny prompt lmao. the most light & funny shows in this list are: girl next room, love at first hate, 46 days & mint to be!)

xxx

[honshew]

thoughts on bg3

overall, i had a lot of fun and would recommend to anyone interested! very ambitious game, and i'm amazed it exists tbh. there are so many really, really great aspects of it. however, i'm also glad to be done with it, bc i started to have less and less fun with it at the last part. which is an unfortunate place to have the worst part of the game. i really wish it wrapped up in a more satisfying way, because i became really attached to the characters and the incredibly detailed world. a shame it had to be rushed toward the end of development. it's incredible, though could have been more still.

i'm spending some time trying to figure out what i liked about the game, so this may or may not be updated as thoughts come to me. there will be spoilers all the way thru the end of the game so here's your spoiler warning

i think while people unfamiliar with dnd can play and still have a good time, it probably will feel overwhelming and there will likely be things you won't understand unless someone explains it to you. i can't even really call the tutorial a bad one as much as it's barely there. but i do know plenty of people with zero dnd experience still having fun and simply enjoying learning on the go!

on the other hand, being someone who plays dnd, once you figure out the interface it's a pretty smooth experience. there are some things that are a little different to accommodate how the game works (e.g. second-story work reduces your fall dmg rather than increasing your climbing speed, since the game doesn't really count climbing as distance), but those are pretty quick to learn. seems to me that the devs thought people who didn't play dnd wouldn't be all that intersted in bg3, but a ci'd be curious to see how many bg3 players will look for a dnd group to join from here.

act 1 was solid and was paced well. i really liked how many characters ended up showing up later in the game, as opposed to characters you save once and never see again. i think what was most fun was getting to know what i could get away with LOL not just an exploration of the world, but an exploration of the game itself. i have video of me talking to auntie ethel while my friends set up and set off a circle of flame barrels, so i got a front row seat of her being blown to smithereens.

act 2, also solid. i really enjoy quests that involve impacting a place in a really tangible way, like in okami, so the shadow-cursed lands were pretty cool. unfortunately, the game doesn't really show you this happening except a liiiiittle bit at the end, so it doesn't feel as good as it could. still, i liked exploring the area a lot. all of the mini-bosses of the area were unsettling, but we got past literally all of them via high charisma rolls. actually aside from the exploring, a lot of the fun was seeing how we could cheese boss fights, which carried into act 3

act 3 felt way more all over the place and buggy, which significantly lowered my enjoyment. ofc a game this massive will have issues, but i'm still sad that the last part of the game where everything crescendos is where i enjoyed the game the least. small things not working the way they're supposed to (e.g. certain npcs not running or climbing up a ladder when they are fleeing I'M TALKING TO YOU ZUMBO PUMBO AND FEATHERWEIGHT FALSON, astarion falling sleep to a spell even tho he's an elf during his end-of-quest fight). what sucks about things being so frustrating too was that the main quests had really great setups or concepts, but the execution was messy. still, we had a lot of fun messing with bosses. cazador couldn't do anything bc he was forced to dance while we killed him, orin was disintegrated, gortash turned to stone. kinda wild having a bard with 100% spell hit rate....!

i do wish we got to explore baldur's gate more. i totally get that would be a huge undertaking tho. i had a thought that maybe act 3 should've been its own game, but then i guess you couldn't call it baldur's gate 3 if you never get to baldur's gate. i didn't play the previous bg games, but i liked how they wove in the story from the previous installments and ttrpg modules without leaving newcomers to the series out of the loop too much.

i liked shadowheart's, astarion's, and wyll's quests a lot. the ansur part of wyll's was really cool. i adore trials to test character as a setup, especially ones administrated by some major figure. but also? fuck balduran for what he did to ansur and later to me. he's the city's hero, but he only really looks out for himself. which is cool for me as a viewer, not cool for the character i play as LOL

i have more thoughts but i will type them up here later maybe this has gotten long enoguh

[sylvie-writes]

Sunflowers

Summary: You and Steve bring Sarah to meet her grandparents.

Warnings: Mentions of death (not gruesome) it’s more of visiting a gravesite.

If any any of the warnings bother you, please do not proceed. 

A/n: A recent event inspired me to write this. Also, I’m sorry that all I write is  Dad!Steve lately, I swear I’ll write a different story with Steve soon haha. And yes, I didn’t do the taglist on this one purposely. 

Out the window of your apartment, you could see the orange glow of the sky, slowly becoming brighter as the sun rose in the distance. At the moment, your body was laid sideways on the couch, as you leaned up against Steve, the two of you catching the early morning news. Steve’s free hand tenderly smoothed your messy hair, coming to rest on your shoulder. The silence was enjoyable, as you both awaited the morning arrival of precious Sarah, who would come bounding down the hall any minute now. 

“Hey honey, do you have any plans today?”

You twisted your head to look up at Steve, who smiled down at you, pressing a kiss on your forehead, continuing to rub his hand up and down your shoulder.

“No, what’s up?”

“Last night, Sarah and I looked through my family album. She saw pictures of mom and dad, asked about them too.”

Steve unwrapped his arm from your shoulder and reached forward to grab the family album that was resting on the coffee table. He continued to talk as you happily looked through the pictures of young Steve and his family.

“I was thinking that it’s time for Sarah to meet them.” 

A hopeful smile was on his face and you readily agreed, continuing to flip through the pages of the ragged book.

“That sounds lovely, Stevie.” 

Sarah had only one set of grandparents, your own parents, who came to occasionally visit when they could find the time. When they do come visit, Sarah absolutely loses her mind and begs you or Steve to help her with whatever craft she’s making for them. It warms your heart to see her interact with them, and as of now, she’d see them at the next upcoming holiday. 

Of course, being only three at the time, it was hard to explain that her dad was at least 100 years old, although he didn’t look it. Sarah was a very smart young girl, and when you and Steve explained the situation, she surprisingly took it very well, and with much maturity for her age. 

Once that was out of the way, another obstacle presented itself. At preschool, Sarah had a “bring your grandparents day”, and when other kids showed up with two sets of grandparents, your little girl came crying into your side. Since your parents couldn’t make it, you and Steve instead showed up in their place, as many other parents had done. So that night, the three of you sat down, explaining that not everyone had two sets of grandparents, yet they were looking down on her with love. Sarah’s tears were dried and she came out with a large smile on her face, realizing her grandparents weren’t gone, they were just in a better place. The little girl was full of so much adoration, it made things much simpler. 

About an hour passed, and you and Steve took a mini nap, having gotten up at 4:00. Ever since you both had taken some time off, your sleep schedule was all messed up, often meaning for early morning tv marathons, and late morning naps. 

You awoke to the sound of a spoon clattering against a bowl, walking into the kitchen to find the sneaky little munchkin trying to pour cereal for all three of you. She had even taken the liberty to set the counter with bowls and spoons, while splashing the milk over the Cheerios residing the dish. 

“Good Morning, Mommy, Daddy! I made bweakfast!”

Her mouth was full of cheerios, as a little milk dribbled from her chin. Walking up to the little girl, you planted a kiss on the crown of her head, wiping away the milk with the nearby napkin. Steve came up and did the same, taking a seat beside the two you, indulging in the cereal.

“Hey angel, you know how last night we looked at pictures of Nana and Poppy?”

Sarah leaned across the counter, trying to look past you and at Steve. With her father in sight, she nodded her head, curious as to what he’d say next.

“Well, Mommy and I thought you could make some flower arrangement and we could go bring it to them.”

The little girl sat back a bit, getting a view of you and Steve. Looking up from your cereal bowl, you added on to the conversation.

“When Papa and G.G come into town you always make them a gift, so how about we make one for Nana and Poppy?”

Sarah’s eyes lit up and she plopped back down to scarf her cereal, making you and Steve chuckle at her giddiness. 

About an hour later, all three of you ended up at the nearby craft store, looking through the variety of faux flowers, trying to create the perfect arrangement. 

Your daughter skipped up and down the aisles, searching to find the colors she thought would match, with you and Steve trailing not too far behind. 

Currently, Sarah was looking over a section of sunflowers, calling over to Steve.

“Daddy, do you remember what Nana’s favorite flower was?”

Steve walked beside the girl, reaching over for a bundle of faux sunflowers, the yellow, bright, yet gorgeous. Everyone then picked out a flower to match, for the arrangement now had a loving piece from all of you. To compliment the sunflowers, you selected a few orange Asiatic lilies, while Steve chose red daisy poms. Along with your variety of autumn flowers, all three of you decided on some fall fillers, such as wheat, solidago, and assorted greens. 

On the ride over to the cemetery, you sat in the back seat with Sarah, helping her assort the flowers to make an eye-catching arrangement. Upon arriving at the cemetery, Steve got out first, going to search for the grave marker of his two parents. Unfortunately, over the seventy years he was gone, the cemetery wasn’t well kept and neither was the site. A few moments later, Steve kneeled down to dust off the dirt, being met with the sight of his parents name, a smile growing on his lips.

“Hey, Mom, Dad. (y/n) and I got a little surprise for you.”

After the man finished his whisper, he motioned to the car, soon you and Sarah walking over. In one of Sarah’s hands, she tightly held the bouquet, careful to not let it go, while her other hand was encased by yours. When you made it to the grave, Sarah respectfully kneeled down, placing the bouquet of flowers in the now-emptied bronze vase. After putting in the flowers, Sarah sat on the balls of her heels watching sweetly as you and Steve picked the weeds from around the headstone. The little girl well understood her grandparents weren’t physically here, but she did know that this was the closet she would be to them. It did good on all of your hearts to come visit and change the flowers today. 

Once you and Steve finished cleaning around, Steve held his hand out for Sarah, helping her off the ground. You and Steve had been so busy, that neither of you had been here in at least five years. It was terrible, and the guilt ate at the two of you. But now with Sarah, hopefully you’d be there more often.

“Remember that surprise I told you both about? Well this is her. Sarah, your granddaughter. We named her after you Ma.” 

Steve’s head was hung, staring at the headstone as he talked. Sarah’s small hand was still in his, as you came around to hold the other one. Your husband turned his head to you, and getting on tippy toes, you placed a soft kiss near his ear. At this moment, Sarah took the time to speak up.

“Hi Nana and Poppy. I hope you like the flowers. Mommy and Daddy helped me.”

Her little voice made you and Steve turn your heads here . A loving gaze cast upon her as she talked to them. 

“I know you aren’t here, but I hope you are having fun with the angels! Daddy says you are always with us, and I just want to let you know, that I love you this much.” 

Her arms were stretched as wide as they could go. Getting down on her knees, Sarah softly kissed her hand, pressing it to the headstone, then popping back up with a content smile on her face. 

Steve and Sarah paid their respects, you doing the same. After a good fifteen minutes, you all headed to the car. As Steve and Sarah were busy talking, you trailed behind just a bit, leaving behind a few words for your in-laws.

“Mr. & Mrs. Rogers, I just want to thank you for this lovely man. He’s all the man that you’d want him to be Mrs. Rogers. We both are so sorry that it’s been awhile, but I know you understand. Now with Sarah, I’m sure we’ll be here more often.”

You copied Sarah’s gesture, turning around to find Steve already looking out the car window, a grin on his face.

Sarah was already secured in the backseat, and just as Steve was about to drive off, the little girl spoke up, halting his actions. Clearly, for the few minutes they had been in the car, Sarah had been in deep thought as she was quiet and full of silence, not her signature trait.

“I wish Nana and Poppy were here, but I know they love us.” 

The little girl lifted her head and smiled at you and Steve in the rearview mirror. You looked over to Steve, who was looking back at you with a proud smile, similar to the one on your own face. With his free hand, Steve put his hand back behind his seat to gently rub the little girl's leg in a soothing manner, making her giggle. 

With Sarah’s help, you and Steve came more often to change the flowers, while Sarah would fill in her Nana and Poppy on everything that had happened. She loved talking to them, even if they couldn't talk back, yet she knew they were there. 

[maggiecheungs]

2020 ~everything~ wrap

i finally have time to do all of the tag games that people have tagged me in over the past month or so! i cannot for the life of me remember who tagged me in which one, so i’m just putting ~everything~ in one huge post. if i tag you anywhere then consider it a standing invitation to do whichever of these you haven’t done :) in fact, this is me issuing a standing invite to any of my followers who wants to do it :) also, thank you all!

Creator Wrap: Favourite Works

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

this collection of philosophy quotes paired with thai bl series, (and its sequel) which is possibly my favourite thing i’ve ever made. for, uh, nerd reasons.

these gifted text post memes i made still make me laugh sometimes

this fic about green from 2gether, which i wrote in the notes app on my phone and published the same day. not my absolute best writing but i am very fond of it <3

i have a bunch fof friend zone dangerous area edits/shitposts which i like, but i’m particularly fond of my fzda as satire headlines (which now has a sequel!)

i also love my crisgood-walmart-lesbian post. i might send it in to gmmtv to try and convince them to do a crisgood-bffs spin-off

+ bonus: since i wrote this list i made this gifset (my first ever!) of jennie panhan in the shipper and i love her too much not to include her on here

+ extra nerdy bonus: this niche meme about Chinese philosophy, which still makes me crack up whenever I think about it

Favourite Creators/Follow Forever

i’ve completely lost track of who’s following who from which blog, so this is just going to be a haphazard, non-exhaustive list of people who i adore/admire/am vaguely intimidated by, mutuality be damned. maybe we talk all the time! maybe we’ve never interacted! maybe i am constantly there in ur tags... lurking... 👀... but if you’re on this list you have made me smile at least once this year and i love you for that alone <3

@wjmild kylie!! you make gifs of arm & tay & lee (separately or in various combinations) & the shipper & and kapook & random fluke pusit cameos & school rangers so i don’t have to <3 ilysm

@janeramida vianey, you have such impeccable taste in general, but your sizzy gifset in particular is so gorgeous it lives in my mind rent free

@applelapis bri, this post was a callout and i want you to know that it haunts me at night as i lie awake staring at the ceiling :((((( i hope you are happy

@gigiesarocha cata, i love it when you show up on my dash bc you have!! such taste!! also, every time you gif gigie i gain five years of life <3 pls continue doing the Good Work

@pvrrish​ eleni, i remeber legit thinking that this was an official poster when i first saw it, it’s so beautiful

@ahysopae​ juliette your khaithird fic is so good and it literally changed the way i think about khai (not an easy feat)

@kurosawadachi angel, whenever i think about grace’s speech i remember your gifset and get literal chills

@doctorbahnjit alexa, you have no right to be as funny as you are. your friend zone edits give me life

@khaotungthanawat sam, you’re probably sick of getting tagged in these lists by random strangers, but i just had to bc your gifsets are Pure Art

@tanwirapong roa, all your gifsets are so ✨iconic✨

faiza @asianmelodrama and rahul @petekaos! yours were the first two thai drama blogs i followed and for ages i lowkey thought of you as my fandom parents.

and some more blogs that make me happy: @curlykytta / @lee-thanat  / @fck-inspector-m / @pangwave / @tichawongtipkanon / @tawanv @kimmonv (violet istg i have spent more time this year trying to figure out how many blogs you have than i have spent admiring your gifsets. & i spend a lot of time admiring your gifsets) / @taytawan / @1akorn and @yihwas (and your radiant lovechild @lakornladies ofc) / @teh-ohaew / @vihokratanas (mel your gifsets are just so gorgeous) / @tootiredtoosadtooangry / @headcompletelyempty / @demiromanticmickey​ / and there are definitely more but my brain is a sieve so apologies if i’ve forgotten anyone!! i love you all!! 

2020 HIGHLIGHTS ✨

rules: list your top 10 shows (bl or not) you watched in 2020 (doesn’t necessarily have to be shows that came out in 2020 though!)

1. 2GETHER & STILL2GETHER

my first thai drama, and even after all the amazing shows i’ve watched this year, it still has a special place in my heart. watching 2gether was the first time i’d ever seen a queer romcom that just... was. for me, by the simple fact of its being, 2gether was revolutionary. and then still2gether came along and took all the best things about the first season and gave us something beautiful and quiet and lovely and just proved to me, once and for all, that queer happiness doesn’t need to justify its own existence. there can be gay cuddles on the beach for no other reason than that we want them. 

2. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN

i don’t really have the words for this one but. it makes my heart so very soft.

3. FRIEND ZONE 2: DANGEROUS AREA

season one was mindless fun because everyone was an absolute trashfire and it was hella cathartic to watch, but season 2... wow. i love it for so many reasons: it has messy and authentic queer rep; the characterisation is excellent and i somehow care about all of the characters; amazing women taking centre stage(!); a wlw relationship with lesbian, ace and bipolar rep; multiple interesting plotlines; actual character development; arm weerayut as a chaos gremlin... absolutely one of my favourites of 2020.

4. CHERRY MAGIC

i don’t think i need to explain this one, which is fortunate, because i have no idea how exactly i’d describe the happy-warm-fuzzy-queer-seen-loving-affirmed-profound feeling that rises in my chest whenever i think about it. 

5. THE GIFTED: GRADUATION

confession: i liked season 2 more than season 1 (with the exception of the ending, which we don’t talk about). season 1 was enjoyable and interesting, but for me it was season 2 which made me love this series. it did some incredibly interesting and complicated things (even if it didn’t quite nail the landing): it pushed characters to the breaking point and wove so many layers into the story and questioned its own underlying themes. plus, watching it alongside everyone in the fandom made it 200% better. i love all of you and i love this show. egg girl 5eva.

6. THE SHIPPER

i 100% understand why so many people didn’t like this show, or found it problematic, but through some fluke it absolutely worked for me (even the ending). one day i will write an essay explaining my rationale, but for now i’ll just say that it’s one of my favourite shows about adolescence and queerness and identity and compassion and friendship and love that i’ve ever watched. 

7. YYY

this series is absolutely off its rocker, and it somehow managed to be one of the most affirming shows i’ve watched. it shouldn’t have worked by it did, and i love it so much.

8. 3 WILL BE FREE

absolutely iconic. amazing plot, stunning visuals, great characters, canon polyamory, jennie being incredible... what a series.

9. MANNER OF DEATH

i love the fact that this show exists; i love the mix of crime and romance; i love maxtul’s acting; i love the central relationship; i love bun. i know we’re not even halfway through yet, but this show is doing something special and i’m so grateful that i get to watch it unfold in real time. 

10. CHIHAYAFURU (SEASON 3)

odd one out on my list, but I had to include it. chihayafuru is my all-time favourite anime and it finally got a third season, which is somehow even better than the first two. mashima taichi is one of my favourite characters of all time and his storyline hits me on such a profound level. plus, in the years since i first say this show i’ve fallen in love with classical japanese literature (particularly heian poetry) so i had newfound appreciation for the karuta matches (aka i cried every time someone recited one of my favourite poems)

other favourites: together with me, he’s coming to me, sotus and sotus s, my dear loser: edge of 17, why r u, theory of love, wake up chanee!, gameboys, pearl next door, uta koi (anime), three kingdoms (2010), blood and water (netflix). (itsay would almost certainly be on my list if i’d had time to watch it. same with dark blue kiss, which i had to pause so i could do my assignments)

Final Thoughts

well, it’s been... a year (i don’t think anyone needs a reminder of the details) but writing this post has reminded me of all the amazing shows and people I discovered over the course of it.

thank you to everyone for being so lovely and creative and funny and quirky and kind and passionate. you’re all incredibly awesome people and i wish all of you the very best xx

[sunsetinmyvein]

I Know That I’ll Lose - Chapter One - This is How it Starts

A terribly stubborn, mildly (at best) egotistical man happens to meet a girl just as hard headed as he is, who can't help but bite every time he fishes for attention. "Don't set me a challenge if you aren't prepared to have it beaten."

A/N - Hey, guess what? I still write! I know, crazy, huh? This thing has been in the works for about eight months now and is finally ready. I wanted to make sure that it was completed so that I didn't leave anyone hangin' and that I was 100% happy with it before I started posting it. This thing has been read and re-read numerous times - a lot of care and effort went into preeeetty much all of it. There are hyperlinks scattered throughout the story. They don't add anything to the actual content, they kind of just provide context on certain moments, or reference where I pulled something from, or sometimes they're just a gif that makes me laugh. Click 'em if you want, don't if you don't want. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Anyway! Hopefully you guys might get some enjoyment out of it. As always, any thoughts and comments are always thoroughly appreciated. :D

Selling merchandise for a band was always seen by those who didn’t do it as this glorious job. Everyone always seemed to think that you must know the band, that you get all the free shit you want, you can give the discounts you want, that you control what the band sells, that you get to watch the show and then go home. But that’s not what it was at all. Merch was a lot of waking up early, receiving boxes, unpacking boxes, counting shirts, folding shirts, selling shirts, unfolding shirts, re-counting shirts, packing up shirts into boxes, then shipping boxes away and ending your day long after the last guest had left the venue. Rarely did you get to watch the show, sometimes you couldn’t even hear it depending on where the merch stand was located. You definitely didn’t know the band, typically their manager reaches out to the brand label who will make or receive their merch and then they reach out to you. You receive what you’re given, sell it, send back what you don’t sell. Move on. The most you ever see of the band is what you can see from the back of the crowd over everyone else’s heads. And most certainly you don’t get free stuff. Everything is accounted for against the money taken in for the night, and losses are recorded. All of these things came to the forefront whenever a fan gave you a tough time for not stocking hoodies, or for not having some obscure item they wanted, or for complaining that the prices were too high and asking you to lower them, not understanding that you weren’t in control of any of that. Or better yet, asking you to ask the band something – because that was definitely feasible when they had no idea who you were.

But, despite all this; it was a fun job. It meant chatting to people all night who were like minded and enjoyed music, especially if you were lucky and swung it so you could work merch for a band you actually enjoyed listening to and got to talk to other fans. The counting was, at the very least, simple and sometimes therapeutic. The long hours typically meant you always had time to get everything done, and they usually paid well - cash in hand at the end of a shift wasn’t something you got in many industries. Sometimes you could see the show from merch and enjoy it a bit while the crowd was occupied. Sometimes you were allowed to take a tour shirt home, if you were lucky. Sometimes, if you were really lucky, the band came to the merch van to see how things were selling, or to make sure you got everything. It was always pretty cool whenever that happened. But it was exceedingly rare.

  At the end of the day though, a job was a job and money was money. And money was exactly why Y/N had accepted the job selling merch with her brother for The 1975. But by the time the gig had rolled around, two months after his initial job offer to her, pleasure was the reason she was going. She had spent the last couple of months listening to them and learning a bit about the band. They were definitely worth listening to despite her original thoughts on their music, and all of a sudden she found that she regretted working the concert as she would’ve preferred to have been going to the concert. But the cash was needed. So, she would have to settle for this and maybe being able to hear a bit of the show from merch. Maybe she could sneak away during her break to catch a few songs. If she could get away from the merch van close to the end of their set, then she could catch The Sound and she’d be happy enough with that. As she counted the shirts, she put on some music in the background to get truly into the zone and tried to formulate a plan about how she could catch a few of her favourite songs. Maybe it could work… Her thoughts were eventually interrupted by her brother asking her if she’d seen the yellow ink.

“The what?”

“The yellow ink for the shirt pressing thing?” They had been given a strange contraption when they had come into the venue: A massive machine that they were told would be used to print new designs over old 1975 t-shirts for free if any fans brought them up. They were fairly sure they had worked out how to use it, but now they couldn’t find any ink to test it with. “I’ll go look for some. Maybe they have it boxed with the other stuff out the back. Be back soon!” He called as he walked out of the door, pulling it shut behind him.

  She went back to counting and formulating plans. Fifteen minutes had passed with her being in the counting zone before she heard the door open again. “Hey, did you find the-” She spun around, only to come face to face with someone who wasn’t her brother as she had been expecting. He stood taller than her brother and had a messy mop of dark curls sitting on top of his head. He took off the sunglasses he was wearing and cleared his throat before speaking.

“Hi, erm, sorry for the intrusion.” He started as he smiled sheepishly. The British accent was thick in his tone, and she was already fairly certain she knew who this man was without an introduction. But it was probably better for her own nerves if she didn’t confirm or deny that. 

“No, no, it’s cool. How can I help?” She stopped counting the pile that she was in the middle of and set it aside, turning to face him properly now.

“I just wanted to come by and make sure that you knew what to do with the reprinted merch.” He continued as he gestured to the strange machine that they had been given. He felt awkward standing in here, like he shouldn’t touch anything. As much as this was his show, his band, his merch, he felt like he was intruding in a space that wasn’t his, and he wasn’t entirely sure what to do with himself. It had been a long time since he’d sold any merch.

“Oh! Well, kind of.” She made her way over to the machine. “We were just looking for the ink for it, but I think we’ve worked out how to use it.” She demonstrated how they had been trialling the machine and he nodded in response. It felt good to know that they weren’t total idiots and had managed to work it out.

  “It’s not too hard, you just have to make sure the shirt in it is really pulled tight so the pattern is right.” He grabbed a shirt from her pile that she had been in the middle of counting to demonstrate. She winced slightly as he ruined what would’ve been a perfect pile of ten, but let him take it. He loaded it into the machine and showed her how to get it to sit properly. “And did all of the boxes arrive? I tried to keep my eye on them when they came over with me on the plane but I lost track a few times because I didn’t have to grab them myself. We lost one at the last stop.” He ran a hand through his messy curls, trying to judge what was in the room and see if it looked correct.

“I think everything is here. It was 26 in total I believe that should’ve come with you and 21 already here.” He nodded. That sounded roughly right.

  As he took in his surroundings, he noticed that she was also wearing one of their shirts. That was all the invitation he needed to snap out of the awkward feeling that had been looming over him and jump into his usual personality. “And I see you’re already modelling some for us.” He grinned with an eyebrow raised.

She glanced down at the tour shirt she was wearing. “Ah, standard policy to wear the shirt that there’s the most stock of to show it off.” She replied. “But I’m hoping I can start modelling the hoodie as soon as the sun sets.” She laughed. “I might even grab one. They look very comfy.”

“You should get the shirt you’ve got on.” He replied instantly. She looked at him with a slight hint of curiosity in her eyes. He paused for a beat, contemplating if he should continue his thought out loud. But he was never a man to censor his words. “It looks good on you.” His dark brown eyes held a certain sparkle in them when he said it, like he was waiting to see how she responded. She opened her mouth to reply, but her brain was taking a good moment to catch up to his words. Was that flirting? Or an offhand compliment? A mumbled ‘thanks’ was all that ended up coming out of her mouth before turning back to her counting to hide the red that was dusting her cheeks.

  The conversation stilled between them, with the background noise of her phone quietly playing on the far side of the van being the only thing to fill the room. She had assumed that he had gotten all the info he needed and was on his way out. Should she ask for an autograph or something before he leaves? That might be weird. She doesn’t even know for sure that it’s him. He probably had more important stuff to attend to, anyway. And it looked like he might have been about to turn and leave, until a familiar song started playing on her phone. The introduction to Tootime floated through the air as she stared down at her pile of shirts and mentally cursed herself for putting a playlist on shuffle that had 1975 songs in it. There were so many other songs in this playlist. Why did her phone have to betray her like this? “Nice music choice, by the way.” He smirked. “That band is pretty overrated, though. I hear the singer is a bit of a twat.” He chuckled at his own joke, but she was still so caught off guard that she was unsure whether to laugh, or if that would be rude. However, it definitely confirmed that he was who she suspected. Matthew Healy was currently giving her shit for listening to his music at his show. God fucking dammit.

“Oh, I, uh…” She blushed furiously as she stared down at her phone. It would be too awkward to change the song now, the damage was already done. He laughed lightly.

“It’s fine. It’s nice to see people behind the scenes enjoying the music. Meet the fans and all that jazz.” He looked entirely too amused by her embarrassment, rocking onto the balls of his feet as he gauged her reaction.

“Well… I wasn’t a fan until I got the job if I’m honest. Only started listening to you guys about two months ago. I was a bit late to the boat on that one.” She shrugged, finally turning away from the offending device to look at him.

He let out a fake gasp and clutched at his heart. “I am deeply hurt by this information.” That managed to get a chuckle out of her.

  “Truthfully, I had it on because I wasn’t sure if I’d actually be able to get away to see any of the show. We’re so far away from the stage here. I was hoping to sneak away to catch The Sound but I’d have to sprint back to merch as soon as it ends if you play it last.” She explained.

“Well…” He scratched at the back of his neck, mulling over the idea in his head briefly before voicing it. “Would you want to come and listen to it now?”

“What? Like on my phone?” She frowned in confusion.

“No, we can play it for you live. Now.” He elaborated.

“How?”

“We’re about to start soundchecking in a few minutes, I’ll just get the guys to play that instead of something else.” He had already dragged his friends into this mess of trying to impress a girl. It took him all of five minutes. He was certain they wouldn’t be pleased but they could suck it up.

“Oh, no, I couldn’t bother you like that. You need to actually test shit and make sure it’s all working.” She said as she shook her head.

“We can do all that playing any song. It doesn’t matter what ones we play.” He shrugged. “Assuming you’re allowed to leave here of course?” He asked, raising an eyebrow in question.

“I, um…” What on earth was happening? This was not an offer to turn down, but it felt strange to accept it all the same. “Yeah, I can, I guess. I just need to lock the door so that nobody bursts in and steals armfuls of your shirts.” He flashed a triumphant grin.

“Let’s get going, then. I’d better not keep my boys waiting for too long or they’ll think I’ve abandoned them for some cute girl or something.” He watched her carefully out of the corner of his eye as he made the comment, seeing the blush return to her cheeks. He hadn’t planned to have a fun time messing with anyone today, but he certainly wasn’t complaining that the opportunity landed itself right in his lap.

  She locked the merch door before they started walking down the corridors towards the stage. A pit of nerves had started to form in her stomach, but before she could start to internally freak out too much his voice snapped her out of it. “Oh! I have totally forgotten to introduce myself. Matty.” He said, holding his hand out for her to shake. As she took it, he pulled her slightly closer towards him. “But I feel like you might’ve already known that.” He added with a wink.

“I had a feeling.” She nodded, trying her best to hold his gaze and not chicken out as he continued to hold onto her hand. Was he just a forward sorta guy or was he actively flirting? Because it was pretty unmistakable at this point.

“And your name, love?” He raised his eyebrows, urging her to continue.

“Y/N/N.” She answered as he finally let go of her hand. She hated that it had an odd tingling feeling in it. She definitely didn’t need to fangirl over an attractive guy who was being incredibly nice right now. That would certainly not help anyone. So, she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind. He nodded thoughtfully to himself at her answer, considering what that would be short for.

“Not Y/N?” He questioned.

“Not Matthew?” She countered, giving him a pointed look. He grimaced at the use of his full name. It reminded him too much of getting told off by his parents, teachers, George.

“Point taken.” He laughed.

  They rounded the corner to the arena floor and began walking across the expansive space. It seemed a lot smaller when thousands of people were crammed into it. He hopped over the barrier when they reached it, taking his place up on stage with his friends. They didn’t seem to bat an eyelid at the fact that he had some random girl in tow with him as he approached them. He came across very differently on stage as he gathered his equipment than what he had in the merch van. An entirely different aura about him. Less awkwardness, a lot more confident of himself and his movements. He was handing out directions instead of being afraid to move for fear of messing something up. He wore the demeanour well. He made sure his mic stand was at the correct height before tapping it a couple of times.

“All right boys, we’re gonna play The Sound for my lovely friend down there.” He said, waving his hand in her general direction as he shot a grin her way. She smiled up at him, trying to stifle a laugh. This entire situation seemed surreal, she wasn’t sure whether to laugh or freak out or just, y’know, die on the spot. Certainly a heart attack felt imminent. But currently, her mentality was to just roll with it and internalise any and all feelings. They could be dealt with at a later date when he wasn’t around to cloud her judgement. His bandmates nodded as they started tuning instruments accordingly. They seemed unphased by his antics, it was obvious that they dealt with him like this on a regular basis.

  After a few brief minutes, they had all confirmed that they were ready to go. Matty gestured for her to hop over the barrier. She looked back at him in confusion. “C’mere.” He said as he knelt down on the edge of the stage, holding his hand out to her. His long curls started to fall into his eyes a bit as he leant forward.

“Why?” She frowned up at him from the floor.

“You like this song, right?” He questioned.

“Well, yeah, obviously.” She scoffed. “I wouldn’t have followed some strange dude through dodgy hallways if I didn’t.”

He chuckled at that. “Then come up on stage and dance with me.”

“What? Why?”

“Because it’s fun! Fuck me, it’s not that complicated.” He laughed loudly.  She took his hand with a roll of her eyes and a few grumbled curses as he helped pull her up onto the stage, positioning her next to his spot at the centre. After a shared nod amongst the band, the familiar introduction started pouring through the speakers around them.

  Matty stood there eagerly at his microphone, his eyes shut and his foot tapping to the soft beat to count himself in. He cleared his throat as his first line came in, wrapping his hands tightly around the mic before starting to sing. His voice sounded far better in person than she would’ve expected, especially at such a close distance to not even need the speakers to hear it properly. The drums, the instrumentals, everything reverberated through her. She took in the scene around her, glancing around at the other band members, to the empty venue, to Matty in front of her. To say it was an amazing experience was an understatement. Surreal probably would’ve been a better adjective. As he broke into the second line he cracked one eye open, catching her staring at him in awe. There was absolutely no point in trying to hide it, she enjoyed a concert at the best of times let alone when one was being held just for her. A shit eating grin split across his face. As he tore into the first verse he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side, forcing her to bop along with him as he sang.

  “She said I’ve got a problem with your shoes,” He sung, glancing pointedly down at her shoes, forcing her to look down as well, “And your tunes,” at that he shoved his finger in her ear closest to his head. “But I might move in,” She quickly slapped his hand away, making him laugh his way through his next few lines. “You’re so conceited I, said I love you, what does it matter if I lie to you?” He used his arm around her shoulder to spin her out away from him, forcing her to enjoy the energy he was radiating. He caught her hand quickly and pulled her back to him. Her head was spinning enough from the situation as whole, let alone when he did things like that.

“You’ve done this before.” She shouted at him over the music.

“Well I know when you’re around ‘cause I know the sound, I know the sound of your heart.” He sung with a wink, poking her quickly in the chest at the word ‘heart’ from emphasis. “Don’t overthink it, just enjoy it.” He said into her ear quickly before the second verse started.

  Normally, she was fairly reserved, and certainly unlikely to let loose in front of a group of strangers. But the song, the smile, that look, they were all pretty damn hard to resist. So, she caved and just started properly bopping along with him while he sung through the second verse. When she caught sight of the genuine smile on his face at her having a good time, it quickly became contagious.

“Oh and you say, I’m such a cliché,” He held his hand to his chest dramatically as he sung into his microphone. “I can’t see the difference in it either way.” As he pulled his hand away from his chest, he reached out and grabbed a hold of her hand closest to him, pulling her back over into his personal space to be facing him. “And we, left things to protect my mental health.” Why was he staring at her like that? Oh, no. Suddenly she remembered the line coming next and became acutely aware as to why he had pulled her close again. Fuck. “But you call me when you’re bored and you’re playing with yourself.” He dragged his hand down his chest to his crotch with a devious smirk on his lips, making sure that she was close enough that the back of his hand made contact with her as well. As he headed into the pre-chorus he turned back to the microphone, letting her sort her head out for a moment. She tried her best to recover from how ridiculously forward that was. Was it a good thing or a bad thing that he’d just done that? Her thoughts reeled. She figured it would be best to just pretend that he hadn’t done that. That was a thought to shove to the back of her mind until much later. As the music died down leading into the bridge, he quickly pulled her away from the mic into the centre of the stage. He held onto both of her hands tightly as the music swelled back up, eventually jumping around and trying to convince her to properly dance with him as soon as the guitar solo started.

  “Dance with me!” He shouted, dancing hard enough that his audio receiver had fallen out of his ear. “Don’t make me look like a dickhead by myself.” He added with a laugh. She had to laugh back at that and started jumping along with him. He seemed to be an infectious good time in and of himself. Either that or he was just good at getting people to give him his way. Probably a bit of both. Eventually she realised that the backing vocals had started again, but he was still over here, nowhere near his mic.

“Aren’t you meant to be singing?” She asked loudly, gesturing to the empty mic. “Or, you know, checking the levels of audio stuff?”

“I can do that on the next song.” He answered, still singing along to the song out of habit anyway. She shook her head in disbelief. He must be impossible to work with. He let out a few huffs of breath as the song ended before grinning at her. “That was fun. What other songs do you like?”

  “No, I can’t- I really should…” She quickly looked around the stage looking for anyone who seemed annoyed by her still being here. Nobody seemed phased by it. The interaction that they had in the merch van sprung back into Matty’s mind.

“Tootime?” He suggested with an eyebrow raised.

She let out a reluctant groan. “I probably should be getting back…”

“Tootime.” His suggestion was less of a question now.

“You have things to do… I have things to do…” Her argument was pretty weak and he knew it. And the smile she was trying to hide was a dead giveaway that she wanted to hear it.

“TOOTIME!” He shouted at the band behind him, they gave small nods of acknowledgement in response that they’d heard him. He ran back over to his mic, pulling it out of the stand and joining her back in the centre of the stage. “You have to do the hand motions with me.” He said as he started bopping around and doing the ‘rewind’ signal. “And dance.” He added with a pointed look.

“Sure. At this point, why not? I feel like you wouldn’t let me get away with anything less.” She sighed in feigned annoyance.

“Too right I wouldn’t. You know me so well already.” He said with a grin so broad it made the side of his eyes crinkle.

  Just like when The Sound had started, he shut his eyes and calmed down his breathing as the intro began, both hands wrapped tightly around the mic. She could see his head bopping along to the beat to keep his timing right. This song was no less impressive than the previous one. A couple of the effects and lights had started to be turned on for this one, clearly a few of the crew taking their opportunity to test everything. It truly was a spectacle to behold that she normally didn’t see from this angle. She danced along a bit with the lyrics, more so watching around the stage than watching Matty. But she did happen to catch it as his eyes lit up as soon as he sung: “I only called her one time.” in the first round of the chorus, suddenly starting to fish through his pocket for something as he continued singing.

“Do I really have to do the numbers if you’re not even looking?” She asked, her question falling on deaf ears.

“You-” He jabbed her arm, holding his phone out to her. “text that boy-” he jabbed at his chest with a smile. “sometimes.” She stared down at his phone blankly before seeing it was on a new contact screen.

“Are you asking for my number?” She shouted at him above the music. He nodded with a grin as he continued to sing. “With song lyrics?? Who the hell are you..?” She asked in disbelief as she took the phone out of his hand. He pulled the mic away from his mouth so that he could speak.

“Sorry, I thought I had already done that bit. Matty.” He answered with that stupid grin still plastered on his face as he held his hand out for a handshake. She pushed it away with a laugh.

  He finished the song without a hitch, dancing like an idiot and forcing her to do the same throughout the rest of it. As much as she would’ve hated to admit it, she couldn’t deny that it was fun. The instant the song ended, Matty had launched into some animated story from when they had been touring in the UK. They had been on a wild night at a pub somewhere when they heard Tootime while they were out. Halfway through said story, she heard the drummer at the back of the stage trying and failing to get his attention. She wasn’t sure if Matty wasn’t hearing him or if he was just straight up ignoring him.

“Matty.” The drummer called, trying again to get his friend’s attention.

Matty however was still completely unphased and continued along with his story. “and anyway that’s when-”

“I think-” She started, gesturing to the back of the stage. But he kept on going.

“we got back to the bar and found out that-”

“MATTHEW.” He shouted eventually from behind his kit, loud enough that he finally interrupted him.

“WHAT, GEORGE?” Matty shouted back angrily as he spun on his heel to look at his friend.

“STOP FLIRTING FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS AND PLUG YOUR DAMN EARPIECE BACK IN. THE SOUND GUYS ARE TRYING TO REACH YOU.” The lead singer reluctantly did as he was told and slipped the device back into his ear with a roll of his eyes.

  “That’s probably my cue.” She mumbled with a laugh in an attempt to break the sudden awkward feeling she had, moving towards the edge of the stage. Before she could jump down, Matty grabbed her arm.

“Wait, wait, wait.” He was clearly listening to what was being said in his ear, eyes focused on the ground as he nodded slightly. She waited a moment for him to tune back into the rest of the world before speaking.

“I should be getting back to mer-” He held up his finger to silence her as he was listening.

“Okay, got it.” He finally confirmed, before looking back at her. “You cannot leave without this.” He raced off to the side of the stage and came back a moment later with a lanyard. He handed it to her, and she took a moment to examine it.

“An all access pass? I really can’t take this.” She said, trying to hand it back to him. He just pushed it back into her grip.

“Only temporarily, I’ll need it back later. But you’ll need it for a good view during the show.” He said, nodding towards the side of the stage.

  She felt her jaw drop slightly as she stared at him wide-eyed. “I really can’t do that. People need to have access to the side of the stage for… crew… things. I can’t just rock up unannounced.”

“Why not? You have a triple A pass.” He shrugged.

“I-”

“Just take it. Use it or don’t, I’ll grab it later.” He was clearly done arguing about it, she could see that much, and he had already raced to the back of the stage to say something to George. So, she just nodded and slipped it into her pocket as she finally started heading back to the merch van. Halfway across the arena floor, she realised that she actually had no idea where she was going. Her brain had been too distracted about the company she was with to focus on the turns they were taking. She paused for a moment, trying to remember what way they had come from. “Left.” She heard Matty call through the mic. She flashed a thumbs up over her shoulder, hearing him laugh as she left the arena floor.

  Thankfully once she had a general idea of her direction, the merch van wasn’t hard to find. She came back to find the door open a crack and was worried for a brief moment before she saw her brother inside. “Hey, you’re alive! Where have you been? You weren’t answering my texts.” He asked, flashing her a worried look. She stepped into the van, shutting the door behind her and pausing for a moment to try and find a way to best explain what the last half an hour had consisted of.

“I… Uh… actually?” She rubbed at the back of her neck anxiously, “On the stage.”

He frowned in confusion, “What?”

“I think I befriended the lead singer of the headliner?” She wished she was able to sound surer of herself about that, but honestly nothing that had just happened made any sense yet.

“How?” He asked back with a loud laugh.

“I… have no idea.”

  The rest of the setup for merch was simple. The stock was counted in, the displays set up, sizes were laid out, and the ink for the reprinting machine had finally been found and tested. She decided to forget for the moment that anything had happened with Matty, as it was far easier than having to deal with it while needing to work at the same time. It worried her that if she tried to process it now, her brain may very well implode. Doors opened and fans rushed in like it was a life or death matter to purchase a t-shirt. Once she had the steady stream of customers to deal with it was much easier to get back in the groove. It wasn’t until the line of people finally started dying down that she actually checked the time and saw that The 1975 had started playing over half an hour ago. She also had numerous texts from an unknown number that she assumed to be Matty.

 “Oh, shit.” She muttered under her breath, scrolling quickly through the messages.

6:05pm How’s our stuff selling?

7:37pm Have you reprinted many shirts?

8:50pm We go on in 10.

9:13pm You’ve already missed tootime

9:29pm Are you gonna use that pass or what?

“What?” Her brother asked casually from across the van.

“Can I take my break now?” She asked quickly. He nodded in response. “I might be a little bit.”

He shrugged, “Go for your life, just be back at the end of the show to deal with the final rush.”

“Thanks!”  She shouted, already halfway out the door.

  * * *

  It was getting late into the show and Matty was starting to get worried that she wasn’t going to turn up. He had hoped that she would be there before he went on stage. Was it cocky of him to have expected that? Probably. But Tootime was pretty early on in their set and he figured she would’ve at least showed for that. But she hadn’t. And she hadn’t for any of the other songs either. They didn’t have that long now until the band had to break for the encore, and then the encore itself was only four songs. He wasn’t overly sure why he was so torn up about it. He knew that she had a job to do, and that merch was still pretty busy right until they went on stage, but that was over an hour ago now. He found himself standing in front of the drumkit during a short interlude between songs, staring at the bass drum with a blank expression.

“Matty.” George called out to him.

“Mm?” He glanced up at his friend.

“Stop freaking out.” He said as he pointed one of his drumsticks in his direction.

“I’m not.” He shrugged.

“You are. Whatever you’re thinking about, stop it.” He said as the ambience started changing to the introduction of their next song.

“Sure thing, mum.” He said with a roll of his eyes, taking a swig of his glass of wine and heading back towards his mic.

  As they were about halfway through their final song before the encore, he was beginning to accept that maybe she just wasn’t going to use the pass. Maybe she had gotten caught up working, or got stuck in the line waiting for food, or maybe she just didn’t want to. He hoped it wasn’t the latter. As he was busy wallowing in self-pity, he had to do a double take when he saw her standing side stage, leaning against one of the support beams with an amused expression. He flashed her a quick corny look, and she waved back at him. Normally he stayed on stage during their fourth rendition of The 1975 to lead by example that everyone else should listen to it as well, but when the song finally finished he practically ran off stage in excitement.

“Fuckin’ hell, I was starting to think you wouldn’t come!” He shouted over the crowd as he grabbed her arm, pulling her further into the backstage area.

“I was busy. Tell your fans to make up their minds on what size they want quicker and I would’ve been here sooner.” She explained as the rest of the band soon filled in the space around them.

  He started rifling around in his pockets, eventually pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. He took a deep drag of it before pointing it at her. “I was worried that I’d given you that pass for nothing. You’ve already missed most of the show, y’know.” He was trying his best to sound serious but found it hard to keep the smile out of his voice. Performing and being on stage already gave him enough adrenaline to have to deal with.

“Aw, you were worried?” She quipped back with an eyebrow raised.

“Only on your behalf that you would’ve missed out on this.” He said with a suggestive look as he gestured towards himself in his stage clothes. She had to admit, he looked pretty damn good in the suit that he was wearing. But she’d sooner die than give him the satisfaction of hearing her say that.

“I’m only staying for one song.” She said, deciding to skip over what he had said.

“Whatever you say, love.” He said with a wink.

“One song.” She repeated, giving him a stern look.

“Sure.” He nodded.

  Of course, she stayed for four. Or three and a half technically as she wanted to be back at the merch van before all of the concert goers started to try and leave at once. The energy and enthusiasm Matty had held during soundcheck was nothing compared to what he had while performing. He clearly enjoyed being up on stage, and he seemed to get as much energy from his fans as what they got from him. She was beginning to think that the awkward guy who stepped into the merch van earlier that day was, in fact, a different person than the one she was watching now. The sheer level of confidence that he maintained on stage was astounding, he was hard not to watch. And certainly he made sure to make her aware that he knew all eyes were on him. The amount of looks he flashed her way whenever he caught her staring was teetering on ridiculous. Eventually, she knew the show was coming to a close, and that meant that she had to get back to what she was meant to be here to do. She found it hard to leave during her favourite song, especially when she caught sight of the puppy dog eyes Matty was giving her as he saw her leaving, but if she had to fight the crowds on her way back she wouldn’t make it in time for the last rush.

  Said rush passed by quite quickly, which was good for them as they had sold out of a lot of items and wanted to start packing everything away sooner rather than later. Her brother had offered for her to go home once the van had shut, but she figured she would stay back and help pack up. Also, she still had to return the lanyard. Which meant that she’d have to see Matty again at some point. Not that seeing him was her entire reason for staying back. That would’ve been absurd. About halfway through boxing up the remaining merch, her brother had started taking the boxes outside to load into the truck and take back tomorrow. She was halfway through loading the last shirts into a box when she suddenly felt a pair of arms wrap around her. If she hadn’t vaguely recognised the suit, she certainly recognised the laugh as Matty picked her up in a tight hug. The longer he held her, the more damp her clothes were starting to feel and the more she could smell the salty tang of stage sweat radiating from him. “Ugh… How can you possibly be so sweaty?” She asked, struggling to try and get out of his grip.

“I can get sweatier.” He leaned in close to her ear, adding the second part under his breath, “Wanna find out how?”

“Oh my god, let me go.”

  He did as requested with a loud laugh and set her back down on the ground. She turned to face him, seeing that his hair was practically dripping from the amount of sweat in it, and his shirt under his jacket was soaked. But he definitely had some sort of post-concert-glow about him, it very much suited him. A cheesy grin was stuck on his face as he spoke, “You enjoyed the show?” He asked.

“Yeah, it was really good. The effects were quite impressive, and the band is really good live.” She nodded as she finished putting the shirts in the box and moved across the van to where their gear was stashed.

“And?” He prompted.

“And what?” She asked, searching for something in her backpack.

“And what about that fit as hell frontman?” He asked casually.

She let out a deep sigh as she walked back over to him. “I didn’t realise how right you were when you told me earlier that the lead singer of that band was a twat.” She chuckled. Before he had a chance to say something witty back, and before she forgot and got too caught up in the hurricane that was Matty Healy, she handed him back the all access pass.

“Ah, thank you. I need that.” He said as he slipped it into his pocket. “You’ve still got the shirt.” He said with a triumphant smile as he gestured at the tour shirt she was still wearing.

“Don’t get too excited, it’s only because we sold out of hoodies.” She replied.

  They were suddenly interrupted by her brother shouting her name down the corridor. “If you’re finally ready to go just put those last few bits on the trolley and meet me at the truck.”

“Can do!” She called back, starting to get everything organised.

“Finally ready to go?” Matty asked as he watched her moving around the van.

“Yeah, we can only start packing up once all the guests leave so it takes a while.” She said with a shrug.

“Finally?” He asked again with as much emphasis on the word as he could muster, the curiosity practically dripping in his tone.

“Oh.” She understood what he was getting at now. “I was actually allowed to leave a while ago.”

“And you didn’t?” He questioned.

“No, we um…” She cleared her throat before continuing. “I said I’d stay back and help pack up.” She answered quietly, expecting him to instantly turn the comment against her.

“That’s very noble of you.” He nodded, looking over the few boxes that were yet to be taken out to the truck. Not the reaction she was expecting.

  She continued taping boxes shut and loading things onto the trolley. It was a few minutes before Matty finally spoke again. “Soooo, I’ll be seeing you tomorrow?” He asked nonchalantly as he rifled through a box that she had just packed and was waiting to tape shut.

“Will you just?” She questioned as she pulled the box away from him, shutting it properly before he could do any more damage. “What makes you think that I’m free?”

“Are you saying that you’re not?” He challenged with a smirk.

She paused for a long moment, opting to skip the question. “Aren’t you a busy man with things to do and places to be?”

“Not really.” He shrugged, looking around the nearly empty van for something to fiddle with. “I’ve got some press shit to do tomorrow but need to find something to kill time in between. Figured you could come keep me company.” He offered.

  “Why?” She asked with a sceptical frown.

“Because you seem to enjoy my presence.” He gravitated towards the box of pins used for hanging the shirts, but she grabbed it before he could.

“Stop fiddling with my merch shit.” She scolded as she slipped the box into their bag of gear and put the last item on the trolley. “And what gave you that impression?”

He leaned back against the counter, waiting for her to face him before he answered. “You could’ve gone home ages ago and you didn’t. You hung around the venue.” He answered with an eyebrow raised. He didn’t need to spell it out for her to get what he was implying. She stayed silent for a long minute, trying to think of an argument against that but coming up empty. But the blush on her cheeks was enough to give her away. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?” He repeated.

“Yes, fine, I guess.” She huffed.

“Good.” He grinned. “I’ll text you where to meet me.”

Next Chapter

[sunshinexlollipops]

Hello! Just wanted to stop by (hopefully not being a bother) and say I have recently just went through all of your red dead fics on ao3 and wow. I've gotten into a/b/o fics more after reading yours! But also your amidst fic made me feel all types of things, and I know however it ends will leave me messy with f e e l i n g s. And I want to prematurely thank you for those feelings xP. I was also wondering, if that's alright, how your writing process is like? You put in a lot of words in amidst and some of your other fics. Do you make outlines? Do you first write down ideas for a chapter/fic and then draft it out? Are there scenes you add/take out? Is there a length goal you usually set for yourself? You don't have to answer, but I wish you well and thank you for fics that brightened my life a little!

LONG POST!

omg, hello anon! your ask 100% got lost in my notifs, so I just wanna start this off by saying you aren't a bother whatsoever!

in fact: I love receiving asks about my fics, as well as opening up about the writing that takes to get them to you guys!

so I'm gonna start this reply off with a quick thank you about my works! I'm so happy you're enjoying or have enjoyed what I've written.

RDR2/Arthur Morgan is a pleasure to write about, but I've also really enjoyed the fandom. it's been one of the sweetest and most supportive, and I've found one of my best literary periods with you guys! so thank you! :>

but enough pitter patter about that-- let's get to the fun stuff!

since you had a few questions, I'm gonna answer these in a separated list so it'll be easy to follow along! :)

-------

What is your writing process like?

well, in truth anon, I don't exactly have much of one.

that may surprise some, and others not. in truth, I think that sometimes the idea or concept of a "writing process" kind of scares anyone trying to get into writing.

I'm not sure if you are, anon, but your questions just make me want to cover this, just in case.

writing should come to you how it comes. I'm definitely NOT a textbook writer. I don't have a method where I have cardinal rules and a set up I have to have.

I simply embrace when inspiration strikes. usually while listening to music or absorbing some other media. frankly, if you treat writing like a science, you're gonna get stuck. it isn't an issue you have to fix, or a challenge you have to tackle.

allow yourself to get comfortable and just think whatever comes your way mentally. even if you think an idea is bad, encourage it! you can't write if you don't let yourself think.

so for me, I suppose my "process" is just encouraging my writing and for my brain to pop out ideas or scenes. just write away and see where it takes you!

You use a lot of words-- do you outline by chance?

ah yes. I am a wordy potato, frankly. albeit ACW is an overall outlier at being ALMOST A MILLION WORDS. even then, I don't think any of my over fics have ever really gotten past 150k, and I believe only ONE had done so.

this was... not by design.

believe it or not, I intended ACW to actually be short. 6 chapters like the game and boom, done. I thought I could summarize everything and just show snippets of a growing relationship between Arthur and my unintentional OC, Wolf. it almost would've been like a one-shot just broken up into chapters for homage sake.

but then I overplotted the prologue and next thing I knew, ACW had become this massive, sprawling monster of a slow-burn.

as for outlines... I don't necessarily outline. I'll explain this more in my next response. :)

Do you write a summary of a chapter or fic down, then draft afterward?

so in terms of summary, no. these stories live in my head, and I tend to feel that writing things down is more of a waste of time for me.

my brain flies through stories at such quick speeds I feel like I will lose my spark or my ideas if I take a second to write things down.

I am known to do audio recordings where I talk about my writing though. this is an amazing way to brainstorm on the fly, and some of my best ideas have come from just voicing what I'd like to see happen aloud. additionally: the recordings are a good way to keep track of what I've said and want, just like an outline!

otherwise I don't outline. I'm not sure what the terminology is, but I apparently go after my stories a lot like Stephen King does.

write first, worry about the rest later. I'm very much a "swim and swim even if you're sinking" because I would rather put the work in than fool with floaties to keep myself up.

personally this works wonders for me, as I don't like restraining myself or my head once I'm in motion. it doesn't end well if I do-- like snuffing a candle. I just go for it and I will make sense of it later.

even so, I have general ideas for what I want to happen, and I remember my basic outlines. the details come later, as long as the big picture is visible to me.

as for ACW: the only "outlines" I did was timing of the game missions. just to make sure I didn't miss major happenings, and that I had the timing in a way that flowed for what I wanted both logically and narratively.

as for drafts, I also don't draft. again, I go for it. that being said, I have restarted updates a couple of times, or have deleted entire scenes out of dissatisfaction. most of the time though, it's one and done for me! and it's all done on the fly. :)

Are there scenes you add/remove?

as mentioned above, yes. I have deleted a lot of content from ACW. some ideas never came to, but more often than not, it was repackaged in a way I liked better. so if anything, content was recycled and you all still got to see it in some way.

but there are some things that I want to do that just aren't possible. like many stranger missions. there's no good way to include certain events or characters in ACW without derailing what is going on. so alas: aberdeen pig farm is not a stop on Arthur and Wolf's itinerary.

but for another example, I wanted to showcase more of Wolf's past with her father (specifically her shut in life before his death), and I wanted scenes and more examples of her being disconnected unlike everyone else as a result.

these will come as flashbacks or other scenes in the upcoming chapters, but I intend to add these changes or additions during my revisions! :>

Is there usually a length goal you set?

as for word goals, I never quite had any apart from "at least 20k words" just because that was usually my average, I noticed.

additionally, this made sure I didn't end chapters without putting the bare minimum of content in them, and to have solid continuity. can you imagine have a 20k update and then a 3k one? no thanks!

20k just became my running baseline, after that. otherwise, my limit is when AO3 reaches theirs for the character limit (fence why some updates were split into multiple pieces).

with my other stories, I simply write until the story is properly paced or finished: however long it takes!

---------

whew! what a post!

but I hoped that gave you some more insight, anon.

writing is crazy, and I'm always learning something new. more now than ever, since I'm looking into actually getting something original submitted for publication.

if you (or anyone reading this) are inspired to write yourself, don't be discouraged! writing is one of the most intensive forms of creation. it's not easy. it's not instant. it's a lot of passion and time, let alone a utilization of language and grammar fluency!

it's easy to feel overwhelmed or lost, or feel like it's better to not try than struggle to start. but I can assure, writing is such a splendid thing to do. write for enjoyment, or pleasure, or simply because you want to.

as long as your story isn't intended to be hateful, is your own work, and is fun for you to create... what else matters?

if you want some additional inspiration, just know that I started writing fic in 2012/2013 and have gone through so much in my near TEN YEARS of fic writing. I've learned a lot, and I've grown so much!

be proud of yourself no matter where you are at and start from, and pride yourself in your progress or beginnings.

just go for it! you may surprise yourself!

hope you're having a good one, anon. and thanks for the ask! :)

[sweetheart90210]

Thoughts on Jikook

So, I have been lurking for the past 2 months on anything/everything jikook related and when I tell you I have never ship ever in my life ever, especially when it’s two people not even cartoon characters. OMG ok before I get into my thoughts here a Disclaimer: I have never done this before so excuse me if there’s any grammar errors also, this just my thoughts and opinions on everything that i have consumed  so whoever reads this your a god and I don’t blame anyone if just you scroll past this lol.

. What’s funny is that this started out of boredom lol, ok so since October, I have fallen into the rabbit hole that this ship is. So I was on youtube just doing usual stuff and I don’t know why till this day, but I search BTS funny videos so as i watched some vids, and  I see my recommended list and there’s this shipping video about Jikook on this youtube call black&white couple, and at first I’m like “uhh ok well lets just see what this is” it was jikook lowkey exposing themselves i think that’s the title so after watching i wasn’t convinced 100%, but I had questions that needed to be answer.

So the first thing that stood out to me was the GCF thing in the video cause it said it was a by an openly-gay artist( I didn’t know who Troye was) and in my head i was like that’s impossible like a korean idol using an openly gay artist’s song in what world considering how south korea is with the LGBT community and as a gay person who finds fanservice not so enjoyable because to me, it's like “ooh looks at us we almost kiss hehehe” you know its cringy and it's obvious the idols don’t like but do it anyway, I’m probably on the minority but I digress. My point is majority are not so open about the gays or even touch on the subject or even acknowledge a gay artist, so when I lookup Troye sivan and his boyfriend all up on instagram and how JK openly admires him and did a cover with Namjoon, rainbow flags, rainbow flags everywhere. And to add more fuel to the fire, I come to find out JK planned the whole thing without any managers, or staff an actually took JM on trip just by themselves.

Now what really bothers me is how a lot of the fandom likes to turn a blind eye for Jikook and Jikook only. it’s the only pair that gets the most hate. and I honestly think it's because it’ has the most probability of being real and a lot of people aren’t ready to accept that maybe your oppa likes dick. I have a twitter and I only follow 5 jikook accounts and they have a lot of followers but it’s crazy how nasty and ugly the replies/quotes are when they post a Jikook moment, the one that really took me out was the Ice block gift. OMG i have never seen so many people try to disprove something that’s literally in there face with no subtly what so ever like why are people so triggered, and ready to pop a vein, and foam out the mouth lol. I don’t get it. Also recently with the new GCF that dropped there was a post about Namkook with 20k likes pointing out how the video got warmer when Namjoon smiled and basically celebrating the editing, however the same can’t be said when the black border turned white when JM’s scene came on, because a lot people where like “it’s not about ships”, but yet the Namkook post can get 20k likes and everyone can go goo goo gaga gaga over it.....OK. My point Jikook is a threat to these people and unless they come out which I highly doubt they will, no one is gonna want to see the how JK and JM are subtle yet obvious and are showing us to there best to their ability. Speaking of coming out If they were too I would honestly love it if they did after their enlistment cause I don’t want them to ge treated over there differently just because of their sexual orientation. you know how the military is over there the hyper masculinity and don’t ask don’t tell BS. safety is the most important.

Ok Last thing cause this is getting too long and messy. The video was my catalyst( lol I had to) into diving deep into this, so the second thing that caught my eye was the member’s reaction when Jikook did something or where in there own world. Basically Jikook have the ability to turn people into third wheels. like the awkwardness that oozes from the other members when these two start. I’ll never forget the Japan interview like WTF was that shit and the “arrest me”......*sigh* I can’t. there’s so much more and don’t get me started when I found MMA 2018 and Rose Bowl, especially Rose bowl, like my man really gonna suck his ear like that in front 50-60k people like.... do you have no shame at all lol. Season’s greeting, Bon Voyage( all seasons), the winter package preview. like y’all don’t understand these two are ruining my life(in a fun way). What makes this more interesting is not only the dynamics Jikook had in the beginning but also the consistency, and they have extra loud this year as well. so yea these are my thoughts I wanted to share I’m not an analytical person but this not rocket science,  I think JK is the main reason why is so obvious lol bless his heart he truly wears his heart on his sleeve, JM is hard to read but he has his caught of guard moment too. OOHH and the TATTOO!!. THE FUVkcing tattoo

OK listen I don’t know who came up with that OT7 bullcrap about “representing all the members bs, but let me tell you something if you have to explain something that is so obvious, you might as well agree that you see what we see, cause the reach in that idea has to many inconsistencies, So he got the A an upside down V to represent Tae, RM for Rm, Y for Yoongi????, PAUSE THE MUSIC. where his stage name at? where’s Suga also J is for Jimin, Jin, J-hope, and JK....???? you mean to tell me that one J on his ring finger is suppose to represent the rest of the members???

He might as well tattoo “BTS” on a different section of his hand cause the way this theory reaches beyond the great wall of China is sending me lol. Ok I’m ending this now cause I’m turning this into a rant and I don’t want this to be rant so yea based on what I have seen not only from the past and recently Jikook are 99.9% a couple, leaving that 1 percent cause you never know, maybe they really are just close bros, but the probability is high for sure. Thank you for reading if you made it this far, it’s long and messy, but these are my thoughts I’ve had for a while.

[chasemisprintedlies]

Thank you for the tag, @moonchildwildheart! I honestly love these things so much. 😂

1. What is your middle name?

Raeshell. Pronounced RAY-Shell.

2. How old are you?

25

3. When is your birthday?

September 23rd

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Libra

5. What is your favourite colour?

Black

6. What’s your lucky number?

13 or 23

7. Do you have any pets?

One dog (a chow named Maurice), two cats (Gary and Snoopy, who is currently missing), a savannah monitor (Gem, who was originally named Jim after the Lizard King himself, but we ended up finding out she was a girl), and a ball python (Edgar)

8. Where are you from?

Kentucky

9. How tall are you?

5'4″

10. What shoe size are you?

8

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

I don’t know, it’s been a while since I counted. Probably bordering on 100.

12. What was your last dream about?

I was under my sister’s house, walking through a drain system, looking for my cat Snoopy. 

13. What talents do you have?

I can draw pretty well. 

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I have dreams that end up coming true quite often, so... Maybe?

15. Favourite song?

Nutshell by Alice in Chains or Spooky by Classics IV

16. Favourite movie?

What's Eating Gilbert Grape

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

I have my ideal partner! He's hilarious, kind, caring, fun to be around, adventurous, determined, motivated, encouraging, artistic, and so, so much more. 😊🖤

18. Do you want children?

Maybe one day.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

I never really cared where I got married until Tyler showed me this cute church that's over 100 years old and told me that's where he'd want to get married... And it's cute because he's not religious at all, but he's so set on that church.

20. Are you religious?

Somewhat.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Multiple times!

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

I've had quite a few speeding tickets. One was double the speed limit, but that's about it.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

I've met a lot of bands members. Ronnie Radke, Brian Welch, all the members or Black Stone Cherry, Spencer Charnas, Hugo Ferreira, and quite a few more that I can't remember off the top of my head.

24. Baths or showers?

Baths when I'm alone or showers when Tyler takes them with me. Lol

25. What color socks are you wearing?

I'm barefoot right now... And basically all the time.

26. Have you ever been famous?

Nope

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

No, I like my privacy.

28. What type of music do you like?

Classic rock and metal

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Nope

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

2

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

My side

32. How big is your house?

Small. Big houses make me uncomfortable.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

I usually don't eat breakfast

34. Have you ever shot a gun?

Plenty of times

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Yeah, not my favorite.

36. Favourite clean word?

I don't think I have one.

37. Favorite swear word?

Fuck. It's very versatile. 😂

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Almost 72 hours

39. Do you have any scars?

Lots. From surgeries and various injuries.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Yes

41. Are you a good liar?

No, I'm terrible.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Definitely.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Not very well

44. Do you have a strong accent?

I don't think so.

45. What is your favourite accent?

I don't really have one.

46. What is your personality type?

Laid back and mostly reserved

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

I have like a $200 black Victorian style coat. It's so freaking warm.

48. Can you curl your tongue?

If I try hard enough

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Innie

50. Left or right-handed?

Right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Terrified

52. Favourite food?

Lasagna or broccoli casserole

53. Favourite foreign food?

I'm not really sure

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

Clean

55. Most used phrase?

“but anyway" because I get sidetracked a lot.

56. Most used word?

Okay

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Depends on if I really feel like trying. Sometimes and hour, sometimes 10 minutes.

58. Do you have much of an ego?

Nope

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Both

60. Do you talk to yourself?

Sometimes

61. Do you sing to yourself?

All the time

62. Are you a good singer?

Absolutely not

63. Biggest Fear?

Drowning or losing someone I care about

64. Are you a gossip?

I'd like to say no, but I can be sometimes.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

What's Eating Gilbert Grape

66. Do you like long or short hair?

Long. I don't look good with short hair. Lol

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Yes, but I'm not going to.

68. Favourite school subject?

English or Art

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Introvert. I'm trying to formulate a plan as we speak to get out of a team bonding dinner for work tonight.

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

No, I'm not really a good swimmer so that would be a terrible idea.

71. What makes you nervous?

Starting a new job. When Tyler and I move and I have to transfer to a different office, I'm screwed.

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Not anymore.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Sometimes, but I really try not to because I feel rude when I do.

74. Are you ticklish?

Only on my feet

75. Have you ever started a rumour?

I'm sure that I unintentionally have at some point.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Often

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Once, but I've never really been into drinking. Nothing about it is enjoyable to me.

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Nope

79. Who was your first real crush?

One of my close friends in fourth grade that I'd known since first grade. 

80. How many piercings do you have?

Well I have three in my nose (two in the right side and septum), my ears are stretched and then pierced once above that on both sides, and then my left ear has four additional piercings. So... 11?

81. Can you roll your R’s?

I can't.

82. How fast can you type?

Fast enough

83. How fast can you run?

Pretty fast, but not for very long.

84. What colour is your hair?

Black

85. What color is your eyes?

Blue

86. What are you allergic to?

Any animal with hair and basically anything outside

87. Do you keep a journal?

Not really

88. What do your parents do?

My dad works at a Toyota Manufacturing plant and my mom works in retail

89. Do you like your age?

I guess

90. What makes you angry?

My sorority girl neighbors that like to party until past midnight and scream and yell for no reason so no one in our subdivision can sleep. Like, Tyler wakes up for work at 4am. Some people work. Don't be dicks.

91. Do you like your own name?

I guess so

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

Kind of, I don't know.

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I'd like to have both.

94. What are your strengths?

I'm a problem-solver and I try to do as much as I can to help people.

95. What are your weaknesses?

I have a hard time saying no to people sometimes.

96. How did you get your name?

Janet came from my dad's mom and my mom just heard a variation of Rachelle somewhere and it inspired her to alter it to Raeshell.

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Actually, yes.

98. Do you have any scars?

Pretty sure this was already asked, but yes.

99. Colour of your bedspread?

Dark grey

100. Colour of your room?

Grey

So... Now I'm tagging @autumnfell, @astarkey, @i-have-no-username-idea, @edyaleda, and @bonjourmiamigo 🖤

[verytamenow]

Any or all of them, huh? All of them

That wasn’t a this or that thing but I’m bored and technically did ask for it so fine...smartass...

1. What is you middle name? Eric Lynn

2. How old are you? 27

3. When is your birthday? June 8

4. What is your zodiac sign? Gemini

5. What is your favorite color? It depends. To wear? For walls? For a car? In general, steel blue.

6. What’s your lucky number? I don’t really have one, but I’ll choose 7 or 13 if I have to pick one.

7. Do you have any pets? I’m not a pet person

8. Where are you from? Socal

9. How tall are you? 5′5.5″

10. What shoe size are you? US Mens 7

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Umm...shit...like....6?

12. What was your last dream about? I honestly don’t even remember.

13. What talents do you have? Bold of you to assume I could have talents

14. Are you psychic in any way? I’ve had a couple premonition like dreams, but they clue me in to anything important and I don’t wake up remembering much of them.

15. Favorite song? Losing My Religion by REM

16. Favorite movie? Alien, maybe? Or Iron Man.

17. Who would be your ideal partner? I don’t have a specific person in mind. Definitely someone patient but unwilling to tolerate any bullshit. Must understand sarcasm.

18. Do you want children? Dear gods NO!

19. Do you want a church wedding? I don’t particularly care. I don’t really want one but I’d do it if my partner wanted one. No guarantee I’d not get struck down entering the church.

20. Are you religious? Not really. I struggle with the concept of organized religion. But I do respect spirituality so long as it’s not being used to justify bigotry and have some sort of vague belief in it. 

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes. Both for my own care and to visit family, none of which are fond memories.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? I haven’t.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? No, not yet. But hopefully one day Taylor will run out of other people to meet and finally take pity on me.

24. Baths or showers? Showers! I can’t stand baths for more than 10-15 minutes but can take an hour long shower.

25. What color socks are you wearing? Light and dark blue striped socks.

26. Have you ever been famous? No.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? Yes and no. I’d not say no to the potential money involved. But I’m a quiet guy and if I couldn’t find a way to protect my privacy like Taylor’s managed, I’d be done with it pretty quickly.

28. What type of music do you like? A bit of everything, but I’ve been on a pop kick recently.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? No, but I’d give it a go in the right setting.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? One, unless they’re not firm enough.

31. What position do you usually sleep in? I usually fall asleep on my side.

32. How big is your house? Few bedrooms and a couple bathrooms, 2 stories. Decent sized.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I usually don’t. But if I wake up starving, I’ll try to find some leftover chicken or something to munch on, usually cold. 

34. Have you ever fired a gun? Yeah, fired a few different types. I’m not a great shot and I don’t handle the noise well. I struggle pulling the trigger for whatever reason.

35. Have you ever tried archery? I haven’t but I really want to!

36. Favorite clean word? Strobocopic is the first word that comes to mind and that’s 100% my dad’s fault, damn him.

37. Favorite swear word? Fuck.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? About 48 hours? I’ll usually take a sleeping pill or pass out on my own by then.

39. Do you have any scars? Ignoring the obvious quip about mental ones, I’ve got a couple physical. Got a faint one on my knee from busting it open as a kid that you can’t really see now. Got a fair few stretch marks and some acne scars as well.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? If I did, they were so secret I didn’t know about them.

41. Are you a good liar? Depends on what it is and how close I am to them. I can lie alright on phone or text unless you know me well or tell a stranger a white lie. But I’ve got no poker face whatsoever so I suck at the big ones, and the closer I am to someone the worse I get at lying. 

42. Are you a good judge of character? Kinda? I haven’t trusted too many assholes but like anyone I can overlook the bad in someone I care about. 

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? Nope.

44. Do you have a strong accent? I don’t think so.

45. What is your favorite accent? British or Australian.

46. What is your personality type? Impatient but laid back smartass with a mixed sense of self preservation. I’m a pretty go with the flow guy, but yeah patience isn’t my strong suit.

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? My redwing boots.

48. Can you curl your tongue? Yes.

49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie.

50. Left or right handed? Strongly right-handed.

51. Are you scared of spiders? I’m fucking terrified of them. It’s sad, really. Even the small ones.

52. Favorite food? Seafood in general or a good rare steak.

53. Favorite foreign food? Sushi!

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I’m a mess tbh. I try but I can’t quite seem to keep things up.

55. Most used phrased? “Fuck” probably.

56. Most used word? See above.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? About 30 with a shower.

58. Do you have much of an ego? I’d like to say no, but I know I’ve got a bit of pride about some things.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Suck until they’re almost gone and then bite.

60. Do you talk to yourself? Not so much now. If I’m alone in the house for an extended period, or I’m trying to work something out or stay focused, then yeah.

61. Do you sing to yourself? I rarely sing along to music in the car, let alone casually to myself.

62. Are you a good singer? Gods no.

63. Biggest Fear? The glib answer is spiders. But in the spirit of the question lise: the actual answer is the inevitable fuck up that is the last straw that leds to people leaving.

64. Are you a gossip? Yes and no? I don’t spread serious rumours, but I’ll absolutely talk shit with those I’m closest with. Kinda a nosey little prick too, I like knowing things.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? My mind kinda went straight to titanic. The 90s jumped out.

66. Do you like long or short hair? I wear my hair short (because getting misgendered makes me want to fling myself off the nearest cliff), but would theoretically consider wearing it longer if/when my facial hair comes in. On a partner, I like either.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? I wouldn’t put money on it, but if I could see a list as I named them, I’d probably manage okay.

68. Favorite school subject? History. Or mythology, though that wasn’t a dedicated subject.

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Introvert AF.

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? No and I don’t think I ever would. 

71. What makes you nervous? It’s the anxiety, bro.

72. Are you scared of the dark? More scared of the tricks my mind can play on me in it, especially if I’m trying to sleep.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Depends on how close I am and what the mistake is.

74. Are you ticklish? Very and I don’t find being tickled funny or enjoyable. I’m likely to get pretty pissed off if someone tickles me intentionally.

75. Have you ever started a rumor? Never intentionally.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? Not really? Not with any real power.

77. Have you ever drank underage? Tried a few things, didn’t care for the taste.78. Have you ever done drugs? I tried pot but I can’t inhale for shit so it didn’t do anything for me.

79. Who was your first real crush? The first I can recall was a boy named Corbin in the first grade. He had dark hair and eyes and was nice and I thought he was cute and fun to play with. Then there was a girl named Emily who was tall and blonde. I don’t think I really knew they were crushes though. The first time I had a crush and KNEW it was a crush was high school, on a girl in my chem class and then on my physics teacher in my junior year.

80. How many piercings do you have? None.

81. Can you roll your Rs? Not anymore.

82. How fast can you type? 45-ish WPM?

83. How fast can you run? Not very fast.

84. What color is your hair? Dark blonde.

85. What color is your eyes? Blue.

86. What are you allergic to? Some laundry detergent. If it’s heavily scented I will break out in hives.

87. Do you keep a journal? No, but I’ve been told I should.

88. What do your parents do? My dad works in IT.

89. Do you like your age? Yes and no. I don’t have a problem with my age or nearing 30, but I could also fuck up my life in new and interesting ways if I could be younger knowing what I know now.

90. What makes you angry? Bigotry. Willful ignorance and unwillingness to listen. Hypocrisy. 

91. Do you like your own name? Yes, which is why I picked it.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? I have zero, if not negative, desire to reproduce. But I like gender neutral names for girls - Parker, Peyton, Reagan, etc.

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? I don’t want either but I REALLY would not know what to do with a child who liked traditionally feminine things.

94. What are you strengths? Sheer stubbornness.

95. What are your weaknesses? Impatience.

96. How did you get your name? I wanted to keep my initials and Zach was the name that came to mind and felt right.

97. Were your ancestors royalty? If you go back far enough, you’ll usually stumble across it.

98. Do you have any scars? Wasn’t this a previous question???

99. Color of your bedspread? Blue, not that I use it.

100. Color of your room? White. Never did get around to painting it.

[betweenthetimeandsound]

Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (#110-101)

(Also known as, the last set of songs before my top 100! Afterward, the write-ups will expand, and each song will have their own gif set of varying sizes. So less songs will appear in each section)

#110: Ani Lorak -- Shady Lady (Ukraine 2008)

“I've just turned one more page I belong to the stage Baby, don't call me baby”

Surprisingly, for such a beloved song, I didn't really get it at first. I came off of one listening believing it was just another pop song. It took a few watches of Ani's performance for everything to fall into place.

There’s so much sass in Shady Lady; the production to the lyrics click together to tell of a woman who not only leaves her lover, but seeks to become even greater than them. The mix of drum machine and strings add to this thumping dance number; I never fail in getting endeared with those head nods.

Ani sells with gusto, and the use of light boxes are incredible. She becomes an absolute superstar on stage, and has equal parts presence and vocals. No wonder a lot of people though this deserved to win.

Personal ranking: 4th/43 Actual ranking: 2nd/25 GF in Belgrade

#109: Knez -- Adio (Montenegro 2015)

“Još te ne dam maglama sa planina Još te ne dam vodama iz dubina A ti kažeš pusti me, živ mi bio Zaboravu predaj me, sad adio”

“I still don’t give you to the mists of the mountains I still don’t give you to the depths of the water And you ask me to let you go, forever To let you sink into oblivion and say goodbye”

The most recent of Zeljko’s compositions stands just as solid on its own, with its own melancholic string intro and beautiful soundscape. From the opening notes, you know of the story that is to come, which the lyrics painfully convey through beautiful images of rosemary, flowers, the sea and sky.

Not only that, but the build is absolutely graceful, with the key changes working effectively to build to a tragic crescendo. The staging plays well with this, going from a serene night to a bright red dawn. Despite the energy given out through the clapping and the eagle dance, Knez and his backing vocalists still convey the pain of leaving.

And if you look closely, you can find his daughter, Kszenija, amongst them. Six years later she would end up representing Serbia in this year's contest, albeit going "Loco loco" with her bandmates!

Personal ranking: 5th/40 Actual ranking: 13th/27 GF in Vienna

#108: Aliona Moon -- O mie (Moldova 2013)

“Între soare și ploi se nasc mii de culori Dar noi vedem doar nori”

“Between sun and rain, thousands of colours are born But we only see clouds”

Moldova is usually known for their wacky, fun performances, but O mie shows they could slow down a bit without losing their quirks. Even the songwriter, Pasha Peferny, takes a hard turn from his cute 2012 entry, Lautar (which you should still check out, by the way!)

The beautiful lyrics really stand out, which show equal parts whimsy and light. I like the use of colors and nature to convey the ambiguity and loss at the end of a relationship. While meant to be sent in English, it's good they went for Romanian in the end--it's a beautiful language, and we have a dirth of good Romanian-language songs in Eurovision (please, more of them!).

While the staging was a bit messy at times, especially with multiple dancers helping Aliona in telling, the song still shines through with Aliona’s sweet vocals and beautiful melody. Also, it took a while for me to note how her glowing dress arose at the bridge, haha.

Personal ranking: 4th/39 Actual ranking: =11th/26 GF in Malmo

#107: Nina Sublatti -- Warrior (Georgia 2015)

“I’m a warrior, isolated World gonna get up and see!”

While the lyrics are a bit simplistic (especially with the random , Warrior is badassery personified. The instrumentation (refined in Sweden) amplifies the intensity of the song and its message; the opening drums gives way to a dark pop soundscape with equal parts starkness and power.

Nina maintains a resolute stance--not only in the studio cut, but also in the live performance. The dark costuming transforms her into a modern-day warrior of sorts, and the LED imagery enhances the intensity. Notably, the GF performance featured a malfunctioning smoke machine; the smoke obscured NIna and we couldn't see her for a few shots. Doesn't take away from the rest of the performance, which shows her in a much clearer light.

Also, she did mention the song was dedicated to the Georgian people--not only to become strong women, but also against the Russian occupation in the north. Intriguing political message, my friend.

Personal ranking: 4th/40 Actual ranking: 11th/27 GF in Vienna

#106: Loïc Nottet - Rhythm Inside (Belgium 2015)

“Be you enemy or lover? We are put here to discover...”

(One minor thing about this is how Loic kind of reminds me of Julian Quintart from Abnormal Summit--not only because of their backgrounds, but how the former is dressed. haha)

Rhythm Inside is very cool, albeit timed art pop piece really showed Belgium’s strengths in the mid 2010s. The song is minimalistic and slick, with an ambiguous message detailing the processes of life. While really cool, sometimes it can rub me off because of how cold it can become. Art pop is great, but it has to engage too.

The performance is just as refined, if a bit odd, and Loic announces himself to Europe with his skills in music and choreography. He and his backing vocalists create a pointed performance which is equally minimalist and yet fills up the stage. Very modern and cool.

Beyond the contest, Loic has had a good music career, and I've actually followed a few of his songs. Check out 29 especially; the way he sings it is so heartwrenching.

Personal ranking: 3rd/40 Actual ranking: 4th/27 GF in Vienna

#105: Pernilla Karlsson -- När Jag Blundar (Finland 2012)

“Som en sjö utan vatten, som en lykta utan ljus Ett liv utan färger, det är inte du Nå’n man ser då man blundar, som en ängel framför Nå’n som hjälper en och flyga då man glömt hur man gör”

“Like a sea without water, like a lantern without light A life without colours – that’s not you Someone you see when you close your eyes, like an angel before you Someone who helps you to fly when you’ve forgotten how to”

Nar jag blundar is notable for being the only song sung in Swedish since the language rule was dropped (because Finland has a Swedish-speaking minority there). It's a pity because Swedish is a beautiful language to sing in, with its accents and how it flows in music.

Beyond that, Pernilla’s song for her mother is so tender, with poetic lyrics and a sweet charm about it. The images used in there, assuring how her mother is so special and how she's the best, really touches my heart (hi mom, I love you!) and adds a sense of innocence in it.

The staging also adds to the grace; despite Pernilla's initial hesitation, it grows into a beautiful package with a nice orange-turquoise contrast and a pretty use of the wind machine in the first chorus. While I do understand how it might have not stood out, it's definitely one of the least deserved NQs of all-time.

(Also, Finland was the only Nordic to NQ that year?! That's a shame...)

Personal ranking: 3rd/42 Actual ranking: DNQ -- 12th in the first semi-final in Baku

#104: Hadise -- Dum Tek Tek (Turkey 2009)

"Angel, I wake up And live my dreams endlessly"

Definitely one of the more notable ethno-bops in the late 2000s, Dum Tek Tek is known for its simple structure, but good use of drums and guitar really lift this piece up. It's a bit more produced than what was offered earlier in the decade, but still holds its own.

The frequent "dum tek tek" in the refrain is quite curious; for a while I thought it actually meant something, but it turned out to be a heartbeat. Still a fun way to put it, though!

The staging is quite well done; I liked the choreography and how Hadise played with the camera. However, her backing vocalists had to help her quite a bit in the singing, because she fell ill during contest week and it showed in the vocals. The fourth place might be a bit over-the-top, but it's still enjoyable.

Personal ranking: 7th/42 Actual ranking: 4th/25 GF in Moscow

#103: Paula Seling & Ovi - Playing With Fire (Romania 2010)

“You and I could try to stop – uh boy, till you drop If we get together now, we'll burn this place down!”

A (tapping at the top of the piano): You certainly look nice tonight. B: Thanks; but I got the skirt from a friend and I need to make sure nothing spills on it.

(At that moment, A twirls around and puts his hand on B's shoulder. She stiffens before relaxing and places her fingers gingerly on A's wrist. A sudden beat)

B: I thought I told you that I needed to keep the skirt clean! A: Then why did you want to dress up like that tonight? (Beat) B: Well I wanted to go out later to a bar? A: In this climate? (sighs) B: Don't tell me you have something else in mind...

If Eurovision decides to do a jukebox musical, then Playing with Fire has to be one of the main songs in it. There's so much tension between the duo; one could make a bunch of plot points ranging from illicit affairs to a first crush and everything else in between. And then it all explodes.

On stage, the chemistry between Paula and Ovi is absolutely infectious. This adds to this dramatic bop, with flirtatious lyrics that are simultaneously fun and witty; they tease and shout at the same time. The instrumentation is dramatic (though it took me a while to appreciate the transition between the verses and the chorus), and I love the piano motif that persists throughout. Paula’s high note is fantastic; it can pierce through the transparent piano and through the stage itself. Such a dynamic duo!

Personal ranking: 3rd/39 Actual ranking: 3rd/25 GF in Oslo

#102: Koza Mostra feat. Agathon Iakovidis -- Alcohol is Free (Greece 2013)

“Μεσοπέλαγα φανάρι Ρε μας πήρανε χαμπάρι Ποιος το πήγε το σπιτάκι μου μακριά, μακριά;”

“There’s a lantern in the middle of the sea Dude, we were found out Who took my little house far away, far away?”

If you remember my commentary under Opa! (#207), the Greek economic crisis impacted the country significantly. At the time of this entry, there were different negotiations about how to handle Greece's debt; when that fell through, it looked like Greece was going to leave the European Union. By the time the 2013 contest ended, the Greek public TV station, ERT, shut down for two years.

Alcohol is Free tries to describe this chaos through a number of metaphors, ranging from mermaids to whisky and everything else in between. The exclamation mark to Greece’s golden era not only has silly lyrics, but also mixes their usual ethnic sound (with rebetiko) with ska to create a very vibrant concoction. It’s a definite spark of energy whether it’s just to brighten up a day or running around with actual alcohol! (though this blog does not condone underage drinking, driving under the influence, or pressuring people to drink alcohol. Be responsible.)

Personal ranking: 3rd/39 Actual ranking: 6th/26 GF in Malmo

#101: Anouk -- Birds (Netherlands 2013)

“If being myself is what I do wrong, then I don’t want to be right...”

When Anouk volunteered as tribute to represent the Netherlands, she was coming off after eight years of non-qualifications and with quite a bit of pressure. Birds was a little bit different from her regular discography (which I should really do a deep-dive on), and people thought it wouldn't work. Well, here's why it did.

The lyric is very hard-hitting, in terms of substance and how dark it is. I don't know exactly what Birds discusses about, but it ranges from just another relationship to suicide. I’m particularly intrigued by the dark nature of this song; the harp flourishes really toe the line in dreaminess--is it a dream, or a nightmare? However, I find it a bit cold sometimes.

Thanks to her experience, Anouk sells this really well on stage, with her soft, relaxed composure and the bird graphics creating a calm atmosphere. The flag-waving, which is a deriment towards other songs (including one coming up in the top 100), actually works towards keeping that serene nature, despite the dark undertones. And the bridge gives me all the chills; I can't help but sing along to that part.

The result? The Netherlands' first qualification and a route through which, after six years, they finally won again.

Personal ranking: 2nd/39 Actual ranking: 9th/26 GF in Malmo

[gethealthy18-blog]

How to Get Motivated to Clean (When You Don’t Want To)

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/news/how-to-get-motivated-to-clean-when-you-dont-want-to/

How to Get Motivated to Clean (When You Don’t Want To)

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I’ve already shared my tips and tricks for getting my home clean naturally, but no matter which products I use at times I have trouble even getting started.

One obvious solution (so obvious I didn’t realize it for a while!) that’s helped is remembering I’m not the only person who lives here and I don’t have to do it all myself!

Still, some days late nights with toddlers, frequent travel, or the moving target of business projects can take up the bulk of my energy and get our cleaning schedule off track.

Why We Get Overwhelmed

Despite wanting a clean home to live in, it’s easy to lose motivation to actually clean it. Here are some of the most common reasons I can think of for not wanting to clean:

Fatigue – Understandable, especially if you have toddlers! Cleaning is sometimes the last thing you want to do after a long day.

Seems like a huge project – When you have a messy house, it seems like cleaning up will take forever (in reality, it probably won’t take more than a couple of hours).

Don’t want to clean up for everyone else – When you’re the main cleaner in the home, you can sometimes get sick of picking up after others.

I just cleaned! – Sometimes it seems like you clean and the next thing you know it’s a mess again. No one wants to start cleaning all over again!

Busy – Whether you’re a working mom, stay-at-home mom, or work-from-home mom, you don’t have much extra time. It feels impossible to add even a single task to your to-do list.

Overwhelm – This is a big one. Many of us just feel too overwhelmed by the mess to get started.

Despite all of these completely legitimate reasons for not wanting to clean, we still have to get it done. These are some tricks that have helped me to stay motivated to clean, even when I (really) don’t want to.

How to Get Motivated to Clean (Even When You Really Don’t Want To)

It’s gotta be done whether we want to clean or not. We’ve tried these ways of getting pumped to clean the house, and they usually work!

Clean for Yourself First

In every family, there is usually a “tidy one” and variations of “less tidy ones.” If you are the tidy one, you probably feel a bit resentful for how much cleaning you do compare to your family members (just a guess).

But that is never helpful (for you or anyone else). Instead of thinking about cleaning as a chore no one is helping with, think about it as something you do to make your environment enjoyable and comfortable for yourself. If you are decor-minded, reward yourself with an extra step toward improving your space that you will really enjoy, like adding some hygge touches or setting up that coffee bar you’ve always wanted.

Start Small

If you’re overwhelmed by clutter and don’t know where to start, just find one thing to begin with. Some people like to choose one category of things to pick up. For example, trash or toys. Then when that category has been removed from the mess and put away they move onto another category.

Another tactic is choosing a small space — a part of the kitchen counter for example — and clean that space first. Then move onto another spot. Going small and choosing just one task at a time helps you to zero in on what needs to be done and not feel overwhelmed.

Start Early (Eat That Frog)

Author Brian Tracy wrote a book based on a Mark Twain quote, “If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning”, meaning that if you get the worst thing out of the way early in the day, you will be more productive and happier.

So, getting cleaning out of the way early means you will have the rest of the day to do other things (while enjoying your clean home!).

For most people, the morning is the time they have the most energy for cleaning. However, find your own personal time of high energy and make that a time for cleaning.

Create a Cleaning Routine and Schedule

Create a cleaning schedule for cleaning that works for you and keeps you motivated. Setting aside an entire day for cleaning may work for some, but doesn’t work for everyone. Small blocks of time work well for most people. For example, you could set aside 25 minutes for cleaning and then break for 5-10 minutes. This kind of time block is great for moms with little ones but works for others too.

Because you’re working in small blocks you can focus 100 percent on what you’re doing. Plus, the promise of a break helps keep motivation up. Use a timer to keep track of your time blocks and breaks. You’d be surprised how much you can get done in 1 to 2 hours.

Additionally, you may want to assign certain tasks to certain days of the week. This helps you get to everything without having to do too much on any given day. Also, be sure to print out a cleaning checklist so you know what cleaning tasks need to be done. This list is broken down by room of the house (living room, bathroom, dining room, etc.) for simplicity.

If you feel daunted by the idea of training kids and getting them on a schedule, I highly recommend this book for teaching kids a zone cleaning method that works.

Make a Game of It

If you find using a timer for your cleaning blocks is helpful, consider making it into a game that you can include the kids in. Set your timer for a short length of time (10 minutes is a good amount) and see how many toys you can pick up in that amount of time. You can also use a stopwatch and see how quickly you can get the kitchen cleaned up (and then try to beat the time tomorrow). In our house, we love using this visual timer so the little kids can play along.

Get Organized

There’s nothing worse than having to traipse around the house trying to find the supplies you need. Instead, make a cleaning station where all of your natural cleaning supplies and brushes live. I like Branch Basics cleaners because they are plant-based, (read: safe) and effective, but they’re also versatile and I can use one cleaner for most of the house.

Listen to Music or Podcasts

One of the reasons it’s hard to get motivated to clean is because we’d rather be doing something else. But if you listen to upbeat music or a favorite podcast, you can get the cleaning done while enjoying yourself. We’ve even been known to use this time to listen to a motivating TED talk or audiobook together.

Make It a Family Event

Speaking of getting the kids to help, there’s one cleaning rule in our house: it’s a family responsibility. It can be easier to do everything ourselves but that may not be the best plan! Kids need to learn how to take care of their environment.

Additionally, the more hands on-deck the faster cleaning will go and the sooner you will be done and ready for some quality time. It’s a win-win. When cleaning becomes a family affair, you might be surprised to find it’s actually fun!

Keep the End in Mind

It’s easy to get discouraged when you have to clean but don’t want to. But to stay motivated, keep the end in mind. Think about how nice it will be to relax in your nice clean space, or open the door for a surprise drop-in. Think about how much less stressed you will be with everything in its place. It’s worth the time it takes (and I bet it will take less time than you think).

Reward Yourself

A reward is a great motivator! After finishing a cleaning time block or a set of them, reward yourself with a nice cup of tea, dinner out, or an outing with the family. Looking forward to your reward will help keep you motivated and focused.

Are You Motivated Yet?

Next time you feel discouraged, take a look at these tips for cleaning motivation. I even made a list to hang on the fridge for the kids (and for me, let’s be honest) for inspiration on those days when we’re not feeling it. It’s helped a lot and I’m sure you have more great ideas we could add as well!

What is your best tip for staying motivated to clean when you don’t feel like it?

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/420413/cleaning-motivation/

[trenttrendspotter]

Fresh from Expo West: 10 Top Natural Trends for 2019

The interest in naturals continues to evolve and capture the imagination of consumers. It’s an exciting time for the industry with the popularization of the plant movement, the emergence of CBD and shoppers’ obsession with wellness. The 2019 Natural Products Expo West, held at the Anaheim Convention Center, March 6 – 9, was a convergence of mainstay and up-and-coming brands vying for the spotlight.

There isn’t a trade show that engenders as much passion as Expo West. Everyone who has ever been to an Expo West remembers it and thinks of their time there with great affection. Great news: The show continues to flourish under new management and to lead the way on natural alternative trends and products. 

“Every year at Expo West we foster the connection between emerging brands who are impacting the landscape and industry pioneers who have paved the way for decades,” said Lacey Gautier, group show director at New Hope Network. ”This event highlights the importance of community engagement and the role everyone plays to create a more sustainable packaged goods industry. With so much to celebrate in organic agriculture and ethical business practices, you can feel the energy throughout the campus.”

Here the top 10 trends spotted by globe-trotting trend watcher Nancy Trent:

1. CBD bubble or boom

What’s happening with CBD is reminiscent of the internet bubble of the 90s…or is it?Everyone is racing into the game, but it’s not a game, it’s just the beginning of one aspect of the plant-based revolution we are seeing change the way we live. Just as the Internet bubble resulted in the failure of many individual companies but not the Internet industry itself, the CBD business is likely to thrive but not all of the many companies coming out with CBD products will survive.

According to Sebastien Hebbelinck, founder of Prana Principle, “We are just scratching the surface of the potential of this revolution as we wait for guidance from the FDA.” Hebbelinck, who has been in supplements for over 25 years, began his career in the Netherlands and settled in Colorado as a sought-after expert. Hebbelinck figured out how to maximize the potential of CBD with a line of full spectrum hemp oil extract sublingual tinctures that contain non-psychoactive phytocannabinoids and synergistic compounds such as Cannabidiol (CBD), Cannabigerol (CBG), Cannabinol (CBN), Cannabichromene (CBC), and a range of naturally preserved terpenes. Terpenes is expected to be the next buzzword in plant-based healing.  

Hebbelinck’s focus is crafting CBD tinctures without THC and he feels there is a lot of confusion in the market about full spectrum vs. broad spectrum, the safety of THC and claims that manufacturers can accurately make. But the country is moving forward and manufacturers need to be responsible to the FDA, retailers and consumers.

2. Shots are the juice

The juicing trend has reached an all-time high.  So has “the awareness of sugar content in our foods, including juice, which has lead to the ‘shot’ movement,” says Kristina Dermody, CEO of California Juice Company. Consumers and people that influence these trends have realized that most of the nutrients we need from juice can be consumed in one delicious shot. This has lead to the success of companies like California Juice Company. The California-grown, organic, nutrient-dense, premium full ingredient fruit and veggies are mindfully formulated to optimize authentic flavors and give the health we need in condensed servings. They are delicious, too!

3. Putting more fun in Functional Foods 

Just the Berries has a special species of Organic New Zealand blackcurrants, which are the most nutrient-rich berries in the world, used primarily for eye and vision health. They are very popular in Asia, as top baseball teams from Japan love this brand. Just the Berries is celebrating its 30th anniversary and is launching its first store in the U.S. 

Likewise, Wishgarden Herbs, an almost 40-year-old whole herb company, combines the fast-acting power of its whole herb liquid extract formulas with an enjoyable social connection via remedy-drink pairings. “This takes wellness and lifestyle to a whole new level that delivers octaves on ‘functional drink’ efficacy and is also fun, tasty and shareable,” says Catherine Hunziker, CEO of Wishgarden Herbs. 

Move over cauliflower pizza: “There can be no doubt that vegetable crust pizza is of interest. Who doesn’t want healthier and tastier pizza alternatives?” asked Benjamin Frohlichstein, CEO of Cappellos. The latest entry into that category is almond crust, with plant protein, healthy fats, nutrient-dense and grain-free pizza crust perfect for keto appetites.

4. The new superfoods

Buyers are inundated with snacks that are so smart, marketers have to find snacks that are not only Keto, protein-rich and grain-free but also have a certain  je ne sais quoi too. 

“There is a focus on ingredients because people are reading labels and demanding better ingredients,” says Jeff Brinkhoff, CEO of Hopapops. For instance, lotus seeds, the main ingredient in Hopapops, are trending in Europe because they are a true ancient superfood with roots in Aryuvedic and traditional Chinese medicine for helping to maintain health blood sugar levels.

Vegan, all natural TahiniBars are made of sesame seeds with amazing taste and texture, all for only 100 calories. The texture is so appealing, TahiniBars made an ad campaign around their smoothness called “my first crush.” 

Brami Snacks, made with lupini beans from Spain, have more fiber than edamame and fewer calories than almonds. To make them even more appropriate for the U.S. market, they come in scrumptious flavors, too. How did we not know about these incredibly delicious wonder beans before? 

5. Focus on simply healthy ingredients

Elma Farms latest introduction is POSHI, which stands for the “Power Of Simply Healthy Ingredients.” These plant-based snacks are gluten-free, non-GMO, convenient and low-calorie.  Everyone is talking about innovative fermented snacks!

Much of the hummus we buy at the store is pasteurized by heat. Anyone who has had or has made their own fresh hummus knows that it’s all about the freshness of the ingredients. Starting out in farmer’s markets, discovered by Wegman’s, they continue to keep high standards for ingredients. “It’s not about flavor to catch attention,” said Chris Kirby, of Ithaca Cold Crafted.  He buys whole lemons and squeezes them in his hummus, which also includes raw garlic.   

And when hummus is good, it’s easy to eat too much. That was the concept behind Blue Moose, one of the first organic snacking hummus with portion control 100-calorie cups and dehydrated carrot sticks. 

6. Basics, made even better

We all would be eating more beets if they were easier to work with. Thank you Beetroute from the Netherlands for sourcing the most delicious beets and doing the messy prep work. I know I will be eating more beets as you launch in the U.S. market.

Another classic to get a fresh spin: Dates. Joolie’s, with the help of superior technology, produces the most succulent organic Medjool dates I have ever tasted.

In a first-of-its-kind collaboration, the National Peanut Board partnered with Crazy Richards Peanut Butter to roll out an entirely new category with the introduction of its new frozen snack line, Wholly Rollies – Frozen Protein Balls. Wholly Rollies was developed to make healthy snacking simple. “As consumers continue gravitating toward snacking, the National Peanut Board is excited to be part of bringing new products to the freezer case. As a delicious, nutritious and portable snack, Wholly Rollies embodies everything consumers are looking for,” says Ryan Lepicier, SVP, marketing & communications, National Peanut Board.

7. Brands that go above and beyond

“Every year consumers get smarter and more discerning in their decision-making process, whether it’s non-GMO or vegan–these are specific values,” says Sabrina Banadyga, the chief marketing officer of EnerC. EnerC is a caffeine-free, low-sugar vitamin C supplement committed to the triple bottom line: people, planet and profit.

Teatulia, a Bangladesh-based single-garden direct line of organic loose leaf teas, demonstrates a thorough commitment to sustainability by supporting a cooperative and establishing a cattle-lending program. In exchange for maintaining the garden, collective members (who are overwhelmingly female) receive cows instead of the more popular microfinance loans normally associated with Bangladesh. In return for fresh milk, members of the program pay down the loan with milk and cow dung which helps fertilize the tea garden. Teatulia is now introducing a totally innovative line of tea sodas. 

It’s about time people started getting picky about their eggs. “There is an increased desire for eggs from chickens that are pasture raised,” said Ryan Miller of Farmers Hen House. People want more protein, they want better protein and they are willing to pay for it. Another reason these eggs are amazing is they only get eggs from authentic sustainable family farms that produce their grain to feed their chickens. And, their processing plant is 100% solar powered!

8. Hydration cleans up

Hydration was one of the hottest categories. We’re thirsty for natural ways to hydrate. Electrolytes are a great way to stay healthily hydrated, but they are hard to drink without calories, sugar, carbs or caffeine. That’s what lead to the success of Ultima Replenisher, a stick pack containing all 6 macro electrolytes without the things you don’t want. It’s made with all plant-based flavors, colors and sweeteners and vitamin C, another thing we like to add to our water.   

One water company, Essentia, has done some rigorous testing to prove its hydration value.  A clinical trial, published in the Journal of the International Society of Sports Nutrition (JISSN), showed Essentia has a 9.5pH or higher alkaline water that is better at rehydrating than regular water.

9. Seriously smart supplements

As people continue to push themselves to new limits, the use of brain-health supplements has become an expanding industry, with expected growth to $11.6 billion by 2024. Quality of life is dependent on the healthy functioning of the brain and nervous system. Meaningful improvements to cognitive function can impact the quality of communication and connection in relationships. It gives us more of the mental energy we might need to turn our good intentions, in areas like diet, exercise, and sleep, into reality. And, it supports our ability to adapt to environmental stressors. Neurohacker Collective, a company focused on creating best-in-class wellbeing products using a unique research methodology based on complex systems science, understands that different systems in the body don’t act in isolation. Neurohacker’s flagship product, Qualia Mind, is a premium nootropic used to help stimulate and support overall mental performance of the brain. Qualia Mind incorporates high-quality ingredients to ensure optimal results and transcend basic cognitive enhancement. Neurohacker’s brain supplements, while designed to support increased cognition, also are designed to improve the entire body to support peak performance.

10. Chemical free, from cosmetics to OTC remedies

Increasingly, people don’t want to put anything on their body they wouldn’t put in their body. And that means more interest in plant-based ingredients. But even plants can be processed. Skinny & Co provides one of the only chemical-free, additive-free, and non-acidic coconut oil in the world. Every product starts with handpicked, raw coconuts from the jungles of Vietnam, processed through a patented Nutralock System that keeps the oil cool and 100% raw. With 5 or fewer ingredients in each product, these cleansing balms, body scrubs, deodorants and more, are proving that healthy really is beautiful. As the use of essential oils continues to rise with more people leaning toward natural methods of care, Oilogic says its three collections are safe and impactful for babies & toddlers, kids and adults. A trailblazing leader in family natural wellness, Oilogic Essential Oil includes the right concentration of each powerful oil, diluted appropriately to create a safe, yet effective formula that is ready for use. Natural Products Expo West 2020 will be held March 3rd-7th at the Anaheim Convention Center. Natural Products Expo East will take place at the Baltimore Convention Center September 11th-14th, 2019. Follow @NatProdExpo and #ExpoWest on Twitter and Instagram, and visit us on Facebook for ongoing conversations. 

As seen in Whole Foods Magazine

[jedimanda]

The Queen is here! She has been completed (at least 98% of it). I really can’t believe that I actually did it. O_O. I’m in awe with myself. My Queen Amidala cosplay is now ready to compete with. I had my first photos taken of her this past weekend with my bestie, Alexandra Lee Studios. I don’t trust anyone else with my photos besides her, truth!

Now having her done, we can now chat about the techniques I used to put her together. Beware, this post might be long, but enjoyable, I promise.

I started working on her in April of 2016, with the headpiece first. I’m glad I started there because if that would have failed, I wouldn’t have gone any further. But luckily I started gaining good ground on her. I started a worbla base for her cap that rest on my head. Not too hard, then I added details by the way of fabric paint. yup truth, I used fabric paint for all the little details you see on the headpiece. Then of course sprayed over with gold spray paint.

The giant M structure was next to build, I used a lot of things in that M. Cardboard was used as a pattern first and inner stabilizer, then I placed guiding batting around it and stuffed with poly fill to give it its round shape. Then covered that in chicken wire and then covered in duct tape. That part was messy and difficult. TRUST ME. At first I made the M too big and just kept trimming it down before I added the hair. I must say the M is attached to the gold crown by the hole I made at the top.

The M is made up of 4 wigs. I ordered cheap wigs from Amazon and ripped the wefts out of them and glued them on layer by layer. This is what gave it the weight I truly did not see till I tried it on at the end. OUCH. BUT WORTH IT!!!

After the M was “haired” I started finishing up all the gold attachments. All are made from worbla sandwiched over 1/8″ craft form. Then formed with a heat gun to the shape I need. Applied fabric paint dots, lines, and squiggles then sprayed it gold! This took a lot of time too. Next I started the hanging columns from her headpiece. It’s basically upholestry foam that I rolled up and wrapped in red brocade. Then applied the gold worbla pieces to the spots needed. It’s attached to the headpiece by two jump rings because they need to be moveable.

OK now, all the pieces are attached, now it’s time for the final additions and touches. I used like 20 yards of gold chain for the strands hanging of the sides of my crown pieces and faux jewels glued over them. Then I hand painted all the little dots through the headpiece red and blue. BOOM, headpiece is done. Now to try it on. Once I tried it on, I realized that I will be a thick wig to basically provide a cushion for my head because having just the worbla crown on my head hurts pretty bad. So the current wig I have that is under it won’t work, I need to rethink this piece and have a new wig and ponytail for Star Wars Celebration. Oh ya! The ponytail, that was interesting to play with. It’s actually my least favorite part of my costume. I hate ponytail wigs, and you really can’t put up a “non ponytail” wig up into a ponytail. Cosplayers, you will understand this. Try it and it reduces the size of the wig cap and it’s like a child size wig. Big fail, you can see the issues in my livestream of my photoshoot over on my Facebook page.

That being said, I will have to purchase a new lace from base wig and two ponytail clips to complete the under wig. Not fun, this will run me up about $85 in Arda Wigs. ugh -_- BUT lets move on.

The headpiece is completed, and I happily put it aside to focus on sewing the tunic, skirt, and robe. FINALLY. It’s sewing time, my confidence shot up like 100%. Let’s start with the tunic and skirt first…oh no wait amanda, you must start the beading…

Oh my god, the beading ok. The amount of beading I had was nuts but it was crucial to the piece. I beaded separately on nude netting for the main piece in the middle of my tunic. Once that was complete (so many hours), I attached it to my tunic over the white organza and orange fabric that was there. Then I proceeded to bead around it, using my own designs and photos I found from the movie and the Disney Parks dress. The sleeve ends will get beads…eventually. Then I hand stung the hanging beads, that was the easiest part. haha. Now let’s get to the tunic and skirt creation.

I want to list the fabrics I used for her here. Both from Fabric.com and Joann’s Tunic and Skirt fabric- 7 yards of Shantung Sateen Orange from Fabric.com

20 yards of gold 1/4″ robe trim from fabric.com

8 yards of Premier Velvet in Red from Joanns’ for the robe

Among other notions I bought were orange and red Coats and Clark thread, 10 spools of Elastic thread (for shirring technique on robe), interfacing, 30 yards of upholstery piping that I dyed to orange. Plus about 4 yards of gold netting for collar band overlay.

The tunic and skirt patterns I used were custom, I used a base bought pattern then adhered to what I needed on the dress form. The Robe pattern is actually an altered Jedi robe pattern form Simplicity.

The pleated of the tunic and skirt are 1/2 overlap pleats (i think that’s the technical term of that). Measured out on the back and ironed flat.

ASSEMBLE all the pieces together and boom, a lovely tunic and skirt. This actually was pretty simple. The fabric I bought was great, pressed nicely and served well. I used a french hem on both tunic and skirt, and left a little bit of a train on the skirt.

Robe time, ok. This was way more of a massive project that I thought. I have no clue the math I need to work to achieve certain elements I wanted. THANKFULLY my boyfriend is great at math and helped me a great bit to determine the amount of fabric I needed to buy. Once I altered the pattern for the robe, I cut out some pretty massive pieces for the textured panels at the bottom of the robe.

Now one of the main questions I get is how I created the super lush texture you see that I have my hand on. I made it buy using a sewing technique called “shirring”. Shirring is basically sewing normally but having your bobbin full with elastic thread. You must hand wind the thread on there then simply place it normally like you would a bobbin within your machine. The trick is to sew normally and the fabric will bunch underneath. It’s works great. A lot of seamstresses use this method for dresses for little kids, easy on, easy off. The only problem is the amount of fabric that you have to DOUBLE to get the desired final size you need. So one of pieces I had to cut for the bottom panels was literally a 60″ by 68″ right curved angle. dear lord… Once the pieces of velvet were cut out I then sewed a line of elastic thread vertically and horizontally with 2″ in-between. Basically looked like a checkerboard pattern on the back of the velvet. Once those pieces were done, I lined them and attached them to the robe. Next added the gold trim by doing a 2 by 2 stranded braid. Hand sewed it on. Now it’s downhill from here, I promise.

I created the collarband and sleeve band from hand dyed upholstery thread then fabric glued onto scraps of the orange fabric, once that was glued, I then overlayed some gold netting from Joanns over and “snug” stitched the overlay on. Looked like I was sewing udon noodles.

After that collar band was done. I then stepped back and wowed myself. Couldn’t believe it, the last thing I needed to do was the circle embroidery on the robe. I created the design on Adobe Illustrator then digitized it into an embroidery file using my embroidery software. 

Nest was literally 12 hours of embroidery because each circle design took 14 minutes. Had a couple of hiccups but it went well. Once that was done, she is now complete enough for a photoshoot.

A snip and a trim there, she is ready for her debut. I’m so happy to have seen this project all the way though. It took me 9 months to totally create it. A literal baby.

If you have any questions on anything, just shoot me a message! You can reach me through my contact tab. Cheers! Photo credits: Alexandra Lee Studios instagram.com/aleestudios

  The Queen has arrived. The Queen is here! She has been completed (at least 98% of it). I really can't believe that I actually did it.

[survivor-socotra]

RITES OF PASSAGE || JURY

Augusto

You know, I had a pretty wild story this season. At the beginning, it seemed less like “Battle of the Seasons” and more like Battle Against My Season... and that was hard to deal with because I love and miss my Great Lakers! That being said, being able to survive as the only person from that tribe from final 21 to the final 12 was something I never imagined myself doing. To add to that, fate was what got me out and that’s kinda poetic. All in all, I loved this experience for all it was worth and especially my fellow players who allowed me to get as far as I did

Connor 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mJXhEeWhI4

Katie

Can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?

Zach

i love u so much. You were one of my favourite people and i actually was devastated because i was looking forward to playing this game with you, and i’m sorry that my indecisiveness ended your game ASKGLDSGS. We had so many fun moments and considering u were lonely without any of your tribe so for long is a testament to how good u are at this game!! Hope to talk to u after this game x

Ryan

AHHH KING! You and Sam were the people I really wanted to work with the most in this game. Losing you to rocks was so fucking terrible and I can’t believe that is how it ended for you.

Samantha

This game was pretty awesome. I’m always ready to come back for anything related to Tonga. I definitely stumbled my through this entire game but I enjoyed about 80% of it.

Connor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtO6AQ9SI70

Katie

"Hey Tara you want some?" "This b*%th empty. YEET!"

Zach

we didn’t really get the chance to talk much because of tribal lines and just being on different sides, but you are such a sweet person and i have enjoyed our talks!! I hope life is going well, and i wish we could’ve had more of a chance to work together <3

Ryan

QUEEN! God I really wanted to stick with you and Augusto late into this game. I was so confused when they voted you out. We lived through the destruction of our alliance after Adam left because of that snake Michael. Honestly though you’re so fucking good and such an icon that losing you early meant someone else could actually win

Tyler

had a hoot of a time, tragic that i didnt get more time to be a dramatic bitch but what can you do! Thanks everyone for being so fun and the hosts for being grand!

Connor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kT3OQwyvKmk

Katie

What the fuck, is this allowed?, what the fuck is that allowed?!

Zach

i am so sorry that i got crazy (like always) but i just wanna say that you are such a pleasure to talk to and i love u so much. We played a lot of this game together but i just felt like you were too threatenin for my game moving forward and i 100% assume if you did not leave that vote, you would’ve made final five easily. Nonetheless, it was great gettin to play with you again, and you are a brilliant player. Nothin but love n respect x

Ryan

Ahhhhh the flirt of the season. Our conversations were always at least a little interesting. You would have been a killer social threat at the end of the game and you needed to go. Also the first Kuang Si to go, so like, icon.

Ian

My premerge game vs my merge game:

I had a good time playing with you all and my downfall was my arrogance and looking to far ahead while not paying attention to the current round enough. I threw away my idol because I was confident I could win without advantages,  I was obviously wrong! Good game all, Battle of the Seasons was a blast!

Connor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHLHSlExFis

Katie

My favorite screamo band is probably Big Time Rush.

Zach

ian, my man. Ew i said man aJSGDSGK. You know that you are one of my best pals in this community and that i love u with all my heart and enjoy playing with you. You are such a phenomenal player, with a great sense of humour and honestly you’re just so easy to talk to. I made you a promise the day before your vote off that the only way i’m writing your name down was to win, and i stuck to that. Losing u was so sad, though could’ve been good for my game to SOME degree, it was so sucky cause i was wanting to go to the end with you. It was,,, devastating. I’m sorry that happened, i hope we talk when this game is over, and most importantly of all; he has class, he give sass, but most importantly he scream at own ass

Ryan

Hello friend. We didn’t get to talk a lot, and the way merged played out meant that we didn’t really work together either...i would have been into a you/me/sam alliance but then you took her out and i couldnt let you take out my queen like that

Michael

Tumblr Survivor: Socotra was unlike anything else i've done, i enjoyed every second of it. Coming in to it i had resigned myself to the fact i could be an early out but i made it 2/3 of the way through and 8/24 and half bad, i may not have won again but i'm finally on jury duty and i had fun i really couldn't have asked for a better outcome

Connor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3K0RzZGpyds

Katie

So you just gonna bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my

Zach

u are such a blast to play with because each game is such a different experience. In LV, we weren’t the greatest allies and u wanted me DEAD. in this game we were on the same side and it was such a joy talking to you. Though there might be bitterness because of my craziness and ultimately me leading to the demise of our entire side, i hope you know that it was all for game and that i still hope we remain friends once over x love u lots michael

Ryan

AHHHHHHH i love this man. Honestly I have so much respect for you. Games aren’t fun unless you have an enemy and you were a really fun one to have. You made it difficult for me to get where I got in the game so thank you lmfao

Devon

This game was fun and I really had a fun time with my time omg he game. With a cast as huge as this to get 7th was something I was not expecting. I did a lot of things outside my comfort zone and I have no regrets. This will be a game I remember for a long time.

Connor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ga94wVeFBac

Katie

It's a avocadooo...thanks

Zach

honestly it is shocking (in a good way) that we went from lackin convos in kuang si to being non messy kweens who flipped every other round AJSGKDSG. You are such a genuine person and i enjoyed gettin to know u even more and everything. You were a frontrunner to win this game, and though i had like 0 influence over your vote, i think it was somethin that had to be done in order to give me my best shot of winning. But, thank you for makin this experience so much more enjoyable. Ur a lovely person xo

Ryan

Ahhhhh my dad! What a strategic fucking threat huh. Thank you for flipping on your alliance twice. Also grad school is fucking hard and i hate it

Jessica

My biggest move in the game was making an alliance based on salsa preferences and it lasted until the f6. My worst move in the game was caring for 1 second because once I put in more than 50% effort I went home. This just shows kids: never try at anything it’s always a mistake

Connor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjuftKz5ebU

Katie

I love you bitch ... I aint never gonna stop loving you ... bitch

Zach

jessica omg. We started talkin so early in this game and i felt like our connection was my favourite of my new connections and i just enjoyed your presence so ducking much. We’d call so much and just laugh and be on the same page about everything and it was honestly a big help in this game both strategically and mentally. U know how much i appreciate you and respect you as a person/player, and i hope we get to continue our friendship outside the game because i do love u sm. Im sorry about voting u. I thought, on paper, that you were the only person who could probably easily beat me. I might still lose like against anyone ASKGDSG iconic.. But as i said, that was on paper, and i also know that if u had to leave, i wanted it to be iconic n fun, and that’s why i pushed for u to leave w oakleys idol. pls still eat medium salsa ):

Ryan

Here is a link to your favorite song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJebcTXdu7o

Oakley

My second go around I wanted to prove to myself that I could play more rationally and prove that I had more fight and passion to win. And I do know I accomplished both of those goals because I was targeted to leave a lot of the game and I kept fighting to stay alive and made finale in a 24 person season. I couldn't be more proud of what I achieved in this game.

Connor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRhOJe_7kuI

Katie

"I brought you Frankincense" "Thank you" "I brought you Myrrh" "Thank you" "Mur-dur" "huh...Judas..no"

Zach

OAKLEY. CHOAKLEY? Either or. I love u and we became such a fun duo after ian’s vote and i played this game closely with you since very early on, despite voting differently sometimes… it was so fun callin u like every 2 days just to be like ‘this game sucks’, ‘we’re gonn have fun on jury’, ‘did u call me a rAT????’ ASGKDSGLDS. Ugh, i love u and im glad to have finally played with you after havin a great time hostin u in mykonos. Losin u at f5 was honestly sad because i was with a trio who hated fem gays ): loves u

Ryan

AHHHH MY DYNAMIC DUO! You played a hell of a fucking game and I am so glad I made a friend in you this game. I remember hearing rumors about how good you were at this game and i really saw it with my own two eyes this time around. Never stop being a unicorn. <3