#this is my twilight is a bastard theory

[well-fuuuck]

in this essay i will-

[llolian]

the lack of arcana twilight content is making me focus on narrative crumbs because there are so many unanswered questions and I am a whore for history and lore. to those who have any theories out there, feel free to share as food for thought!

first off, the questions Sirius fed us:

Why is Bound Arlyn governed by constellations?

Why do the sorcerers pledge allegiance to them?

Why do monsters keep trying to invade this dimension?

but wait, those are only the big three. Looking into the finer details, there are more mysteries.

What is the universe trying to correct?

What exactly is the untold legacy of Bound Arlyn's Towers?

Is the Great Sorcerer Polaris still alive?

Was/Is Polaris as noble and heroic as others make him out to be?

Who is Debris?

What connection does our Shepard, Arcturus, have with the Void Cult's leader, “The Shepard” ?

Who is Sirius?

Is he the 1st Sorcerer of Canis Major? The Traitor of Bound Arlyn? An obviously pivotal character who knows more that he tells? A bastard? A hottie?

And of course, where do we fit in the grand scheme of things? What role does the Summoner play in this story? Where did our summoning abilities come from? Who are we?

I've always found it strange than our mascot is a bear, and our icon is Ursa Minor – which is Polaris's constellation. Add in the fact that we already have imprints of the main cast when this is seemingly the first time we've met.

Here's a bonus question that in my opinion, is the most crucial and curious one.

What was the promise, the contract that we made?

[mindbat]

Books Read in 2023

(yes, this is an extremely late post. it’s been an, um, eventful winter for me)

Apparently I read 37 (!) books last year 😳 That’s a little less than 2022 (45), but still nearly one a week. Goodness.

Anyway, if you’re looking to pick up something new, I thought I’d list them all out, grouped roughly by vibe and in order read.

Books to Get You Through a Breakup

Because yeah, it’s hard.

No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz: One of the first books recommended by my therapist. I was skeptical going in, but I’ve found its techniques to be incredibly helpful over the last year.

Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas: Veers awfully close to the cult of achievement (“If you do your divorce just right, you’ll get a gold star!”), but still a useful set of tools for how to limit the damage when your life blows up.

The Sh!t No One Tells You About Divorce by Dawn Dais: Exactly the kind of cathartic, laugh-out-loud guide to the aftermath that I needed, particularly after having read the previous book.

The Robber Bride by Margaret Atwood: An amazing novel, and a good reminder that men are bastards, and some women are, too.

Books to Put You to Sleep

Sometimes you read before bed for a reason.

The Great Sea by David Abulafia: I swear, I wanted to like this one. Really! I usually love this kind of big scope history. But ye gods is this one dull. Just…could…not…stay…awake.

Books I Don’t Remember

I think both of these were good? But for the life of me I can’t tell you which one is which, or what I learned. Probably says more about me than the books, though.

The Invention of Russia by Arkady Ostrovsky: I think this is a blow-by-blow tale of how the media in Russia changed from the latter Soviet years to the early years of Putin. If it’s the book I’m thinking of, it’s very much an insider’s view, that made me feel both the hope of the early years after the fall of the Soviet Union and the disillusionment that set in afterward.

The Age of Illusions by Andrew J. Bacevich: As Gandalf once said, “I have no memory of this place.”

Books to Radicalize You

In the best way, I mean. A radical for making things better, because you can see how we got to where we are now.

Capital in the 21st Century by Thomas Piketty: Took me a while to get to this one, and I’m sorry I held off on it for so long. A well-researched, readable account of the long-term (200 years!) trends in modern economies, that explains both how things were so different (and good!) in the years just after World War II, and how things have reverted to the mean (which means worse) since then.

Capitalism, Alone by Branko Milanovic: A fascinating thesis about the role of communism in the development of what used to be called the Third World, wrapped in a large work that is completely in thrall to debunked theories of classical economics.

The Great Transformation by Karl Polanyi: This book, combined with Piketty’s, completely flipped my understanding of the last few hundred years of economic history. Completely demolishes the idea of the “market” as something separate from society, and demonstrates how the pursuit of the impossible dream of a “free market” has resulted in so much destruction and misery.

Books to Catch You Up with The Atlantic

No tea, no shade, but these books are, let’s say, more pop, less substance?

So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed byJon Ronson: I like to believe that Ronson is coming from a good place here, trying to put a human face on public figures that have gone through a very public shaming on social media. Which is a laudable goal! We should all keep in mind that what’s on the other end of the “Post” button is a human being. But I did some digging on his profiles, and he turns out to have left out a lot of the most damning parts. So, definitely a skewed view.

Twilight of Democracy by Anne Applebaum: An extremely serious subject, a serious (and good) writer. And yet. A slight book that left little impression on me.

Books to Ruin Your Friend’s Gladiator Viewing Party

Because how are you going to be that jerk if you haven’t done your research?

The Inheritance of Rome by Chris Wickham: Incredibly readable account of the six hundred years following the fall of the Western Empire. This was a re-read for me, and it’s even better than I remembered.

Mortal Republic by Edward J Watts: Picked this up after hearing Watts on the excellent podcast “Subject to Change.” An excellent account of how the (very much not inevitable) choices of Rome’s elites led to the end of the Republic.

Thebes by Paul Cartledge: True, this is about Ancient Greece, not Rome, but bear with me. At least, bear with me long enough to warn you off of this book. It’s readable, it’s written by an expert, but for me it never really gelled into a coherent picture of Theban society.

Books to Fight the Patriarchy

Because patriarchy is a trap, my friends, for all genders.

Trojan Horses by Page DuBois: Fantastic explanation of how so many of the ways ancient societies are presented are based on flawed, racist, assumptions.

The Once and Future Sex by Eleanor Janega: Accessible and short corrective on some of the many (many!) myths we moderns hold about gender in medieval society.

Femina by Janina Ramirez: More medieval history, this time bringing to life the stories of women — warriors, rulers, saints — who shaped the Middle Ages in Europe.

Books to Get Lost In

Sometimes you just need a good story to dive into and not come up for a few days, yeah?

Daughter of the Moon Goddess by Sue Lynn Tan: Fantastic world-building, a passionate and ass-kicking heroine, with a story that puts the fate of several heavenly kingdoms on the line. Looking forward to the sequel.

How to Sell a Haunted House by Grady Hendrix: Scarfed this down in a single day’s binge read. Warning: Puppets.

Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes: A classic I re-read for a book club. Still hits me right in the feels, but, um, beware the very-60s treatment of its female characters.

Roadside Picnic by the Strugatsky Brothers: Classic Soviet-era sci-fi. VanderMeer’s Southern Reach series is basically a re-telling of this book. In my opinion, the original (this one) is better.

The Searcher by Tara French: Every novel I read by French leaves me wrung out and gut-punched, in the best way.

Middlemarch by George Elliot: This might become a yearly read for me.

Station Eternity by Mur Lafferty: The first of a new series by the mighty Mur. It’s a noir murder mystery set on a sentient alien space station, need I say more?

The City & The City by China Miéville: Wow. Felt like an allegory for Israel/Palestine, Europe/Africa, and the latter stages of the Cold War, all wrapped in a paranoid thriller where archeology plays a starring role. Not sure anyone but Miéville could pull this off (but he does).

Books to Rediscover Your Inner Hippie

In these days of shifting climates and ecological loss, there’s never been a better time to reconnect with the natural world (so we can save it).

The Arbornaut - Meg Lowman: Fascinating recount of a career spent literally in the trees, to explore the top of the forest (an area which is still not fully understood). Made me look up more, past the trunk of the trees around here, to their crowns.

Finding the Mother Tree - Suzanne Simard: Another career retrospective from a top-class scientist (who happens to be local to my neck of the woods). I loved the descriptions of her research, and her findings (about how linked up the trees in a forest are, how interdependent) changed the way I see anything that grows.

Books to Help You Understand Others

Because sometimes the only thing you need to stop arguing with someone is to see things from their perspective.

The Nineties by Chuck Klosterman: As I move through my fourth decade of life, I find myself interested in learning more about what was happening in the larger world while I was growing up. I was hoping for both a memory boost and a larger viewpoint on the decade. I definitely got the memory boost, but the larger viewpoint was lacking.

High Conflict - Amanda Ripley: Got this because I was in a high conflict situation with a co-worker, and hoped it would help with that. Book turned out to be a bit deeper than I expected based on its business-suit packaging; actually shed some light on how society in the US (and other places) has split since 2016, and how such conflicts can become self-sustaining, long past when the initial grievance occurred. Well worth the read.

Tribe - Sebastian Junger: I picked this up thinking it would be “just” a look at soldiers and PTSD, but it turned out to be much more. An interesting study in how humans in groups react under extreme stress, from Londoners during the Blitz to trapped miners as well as soldiers returning home after war. One of those I’m going to have to re-read, I think, to fully absorb everything in it.

Books to Pass a Lazy Afternoon With

Curl up with one of these (and a blanket and some tea) on a rainy day.

Danubia - Simon Winder: The second of Winder’s three books on middle European history, which I read out of order. Rambling in the best way. I retain almost nothing of the history of the period or the region after reading this, but I was never bored, either, and he doesn’t shy away from the problematic history he has to cover.

Germania - Simon Winder: The first book of Winder’s series, and the most apologetic of the bunch. He seems compelled to apologize, both for being bold enough to write a narrative history at all, and then to write about Germany (which his generation, and mine, were raised to see as inherently suspect). Once past the throat-clearing, though, we’re off to the same rambling (but entertaining) stories as the other two books.

Books to Make You Want to Write More

If you need that kind of motivation, that is.

The War of Art - Steven Pressfield: If you’ve ever wanted a drill sergeant to yell at you about your writing, this is the book for you. If you get turned off by such gung-ho chest-beating approaches, this is not the motivational book you want.

Books I Couldn’t Fit Anywhere Else

Not everything fits neatly into a category.

The Medieval Archer - Jim Bradbury: A bit dry, but still an interesting counter to several myths about archery as represented in popular media. Not least of which is that women weren’t hunters; not enough books print medieval illustrations of women hunting with bows, but this one does!

The Bonfire of the Vanities - Tom Wolfe: Okay, so I picked this one up because I read The Devil’s Candy, which is the (fascinating) story of how making the movie version of this went completely off the rails. After reading that take, I watched the movie (which is indeed a hot mess) and decided to read the book. Which I bounced off of, several times, before deciding to force myself to finish it. It’s, um, a very 80s thing, which is both the best and the worst thing I can say about it. I can’t really recommend it, though it was better than the movie, I suppose.

How to Astronaut - Terry Virts: Exactly what it says on the tin. Runs through Virts’ recruitment, training, and experiences as an astronaut over the last few decades of space flight. Virts sometimes reads like a high school jock made good (which is a trigger for me personally), but his love for his work and his pride in his part in advancing our understanding of the environment of space shines through.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

66 of 2022

THINGS I LOVE: Philosophy Overgrown yards Thunderstorms in the summertime Classic rock Dream interpretation New York City Collages Listening to music on long car drives Feeling excited and looking forward to things Deep, meaningful conversations Cinematography Bonfires Aesthetically-pleasing interior decoration Having a day I can consider one of the “best days of my life” The style from the 60s and 70s Airports Crossword puzzles Film photography Quotes I can relate to Running

THINGS I DISLIKE: The ’80s Rap music Dislike/hatred of/towards animals Feeling an unavoidable sadness within me Ignorance People who think that everything is a joke Unnecessary rudeness Celery Clothing with fringe When people do things just to “follow the pack” Waiting Confrontation Not being taken seriously by others Feeling incompetent Clichés When my feet are cold Not being able to respond to someone’s message right away for whatever reason Indulging myself in things Romantic comedies Being alone in total darkness

MUSICIANS & BANDS I LOVE: // to be specific, I don’t love any of them; a few I just like The Beatles Paul McCartney Pink Floyd Simon & Garfunkel The Who Bob Dylan George Harrison Led Zeppelin Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young Paul Simon Billy Joel Elton John The Beach Boys The Doors David Bowie

FILMS I LOVE: Empire of the Sun Atonement Up In The Air Beginners Inglourious Bastards I’m Not There The Descendants Schindler’s List The Graduate My Neighbor Totoro Kiki’s Delivery Service Help! The Darjeeling Limited The Royal Tenenbaums Midnight in Paris

BOOKS I LOVE: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close The Book Thief The Catcher in the Rye Ordinary People The Foxman The Hole We’re In The Fault In Our Stars The Fates Will Find Their Way Pictures of Hollis Woods The Graveyard Book

THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO DO IN THE FUTURE: Go on a long road trip lasting at least a month Meet at least one of my “idols” Live in New York City Be in a film, even if only in a minor role Travel around Europe Meet someone who shares my interests and way of thinking and have a close relationship with them Have a farm Decorate (and even build) my own home Be renowned for some reason or other Visit a particular museum or monument

I’M FOND OF: Cats. Weed. // which is strange because I’ve never smoked weed myself, so. I just like the smell of it. New experiences. Getting to know people I have things in common with. Aliens. Horror films. Surveys. Mythology. Nature. The beach. The X-Files. Conspiracy Theories. // not like I believe in any of them, though Documentaries. History. Reading. Clothes. Taking Walks. Tattoos. Quadding/Four-wheeling. Classic Rock. Straight forward people. Metal. Poetry. The Sims.

I’M NOT FOND OF: Extremists. Closed-minded people. Cheese. People who judge or worry about the decisions/opinions of others. Disrespect/Ignorance. The media. Cleaning. Romantic Comedies. Bugs. ‘Reality’ TV shows. Technology taking over *every* aspect of life. Overdramatic people. Today’s music. Cliches. People who hold certain sentiments simply because the mass majority feels that way. Facebook. Self-righteousness. Being stared at. Being condescended to. Being ignored. Beer. Snow/Ice. Feeling trapped in my own head.

I enjoy eating/drinking: Steak. Shrimp. Pizza Pringles. Ben & Jerry’s. Rice. Potatoes. Bagels. Fruit. Skor bars. Aloe Vera drinks. Bolthouses. Water. Chicken. Salads. Omelets. Zucchini. Dark Russet chips. Hot chocolate.

I like to watch: The X-Files. Law & Order: SVU. The Twilight Zone. American Horror Story. Married With Children. Twin Peaks. King Of The Hill. Nightmare Next Door. Wicked Attraction. Roseanne. That 70’s Show. Freaks & Geeks. Breaking Bad. Charmed. Family Guy. The Wonder Years.

I would describe myself as: Laid back. Accepting. Indifferent. Realistic. Ill-tempered. Sarcastic. Blunt. Introverted. Witty. Good-natured. Understanding. Open-minded. Anxious. Headstrong. Honest. Lazy. Moody/Neurotic. Wise. Thick-skinned. Logical. Aloof. Impartial. Cynical. Humorous. Indecisive. Intuitive. Loyal. Modest. Brooding.

I’ve experienced: A hangover. A really bad break-up. Smoking weed. Doing drugs other than weed. Being in a fist fight. Having my own house. Being on a plane. Smoking a cigarette. Sexual assault/abuse. A pregnancy. Being kicked out of my parent’s house. Hitchhiking. Shooting a gun. Physical abuse. Being hospitalized. An abusive relationship. Watching someone die. Seeing someone stabbed and/or shot. Being robbed. Competing in some sort of competition. Being in love. Gambling in a casino. A surgery of some sort.

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Elton Tiscia

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

- To start things off: Elton is a snob and a half so he isn’t going to be falling in love with just any girl. There has to be something …special about you.

- So, whether you’re rich, incredibly pretty, or impressively smart/charismatic, rest assured, there’s something he sees in you; and likes, that he doesn’t see in any of the other girls in school. Whether you find that flattering is up to you.

- For this, let’s say that you’re friends with Cher. Maybe it’s because she wanted a makeover project, maybe it’s because one of your parents worked at the same law firm as her father and you were thrown together growing up. Either way, you find yourself stationed by her side fairly often.

- The only downside to this would; of course, be the fact that you’re forced to watch your longtime crush swoon over her every day. But you suppose you have to take the good with the bad; especially since you’re almost certain Elton wouldn’t have ever given you the time of day if it wasn’t for your close friendship.

- You probably have a crush on Elton for a while before anything of value happens between you; anything besides his borderline shallow friendship and butterfly inducing moments of kindness which only really happen because he thinks it will help him with Cher.

- So there you are, head over heels in love with a guy who only has eyes for someone else and finally, you decide that something has to change. You go out of your way to stop paying attention to him, busying yourself with activities and withdrawing yourself from the boy as much as you can.

- And at first he doesn’t notice. But the more excuses you seem to have when he asks you to help him with something, your newfound flakiness, the sudden discussion about you from your friends; or random students in the hall, and your disinterest in him, has him gaining more and more interest in you. 

- He turns his attention to you, trying to see what’s going on and what drama may be unfolding right under his noise. Nothing seems to be incredibly out of the ordinary and yet according to Cher and Dionne, you’ve been either “hiding something” or “starting to socially blossom”. 

- Well, now he’s really curious. He starts offering you rides, sitting beside you in class, spending as much time with you as he can; or that your now busy schedule/indulgence of him will permit. 

- The more time he spends with you the more he begins to realize that he likes your company and that you aren’t half bad; both in personality and in looks. And perhaps some of your fondness towards him shines through in your behavior because after a while, he’s convinced you like him too. 

- It isn’t long before he begins to flirt with and try to win you over, attempting to impress you with how caring he can be, rooting and cheering for you when you’re doing something important, lending you his CDs, etc. 

- He’s a touchy little bastard too, wrapping his arms around you, kissing your cheeks and forehead, giving you little massages when he’s behind you. More than a few people start to think that you’re actually dating which he certainly doesn’t mind. 

- His change in behavior happens gradually and you’re so sure of his feelings for Cher that; initially, you don’t even bat an eye at his actions. It isn’t until he begins to get affectionate that you piece together that something is different, much different. 

- The final realization comes at random one day. You’re standing somewhere on your own when Elton comes up to you and starts a conversation. And perhaps it doesn't sound like a big deal but Cher is in perfect view only a few feet away and there he is, standing with you instead. 

- To test out your theory, you drop in little mentions of Cher, making sure he’s aware that she’s sitting nearby as he talks somewhat aimlessly to you. And all of a sudden, you feel like you’re on an episode of the twilight zone as he brushes off the blondes existence to talk to you about The Cranberries. 

- As popular and confident as Elton is, it probably takes him a surprisingly long time to actually ask you out. It was after one of your hangouts; something you’d begun to do much more frequently in recent times, that he finally did.

- The two of you were sitting together and winding down from the day. Maybe he was driving you home or just lounging beside you, either way, he decides to test the waters and tell you that he really likes spending time with you. You teasingly say that you’d been there all along and he laughs a little, telling you that he knows before he tells you that he thinks both of you have been a little blind.

- No, no it was just him, but you don’t say that, you just look at him and ask what he means. He grins before saying that he thinks “you already know” and without another word, he leans in and kisses you. 

- Now you’re compelled to make him work for it, to play cat and mouse a little longer as reparation for him being such an idiot for so long, but his lips are so soft and his thumbs stroking so distractingly across your cheek, and you just cant bring yourself to do anything besides kiss him back. 

- And just like that, the boy of your dreams was yours. 

- Elton rarely ever just leaves you the fuck alone. He’s constantly got his hands on you, his arms around you, his lips on your skin. You’re still deciding if it’s because he genuinely wants to always be touching you or because he’s flaunting your relationship.

- His arm wrapped around you whenever you’re together.

- Hugs from behind. 

- Kisses on the cheek; and everywhere else on your face and neck.

- He’s lucky he’s a good kisser because you wouldn’t be nearly as inclined to give into his lip on lip requests if he wasn’t.

- Soft, slow kisses.

- Abrupt, passionate kisses. To him, there’s no better feeling in the world then when you melt in his arms or look at him with that adorable, dazed expression on your face when he finally pulls away.

- Making out in his car.

- Face caresses and cheek pinches.

- Back massages in class.

- Your legs? 10/10. He’s constantly touching them: gripping your knees, resting his hands on your thighs, stroking up the length of them, tickling sensitive areas. If you’re wearing a skirt, be prepared to slap his hand away because he will try to slide his way up it.

- Getting tricked into affection. He’ll pretend like he’s “done harassing you” or that he isn’t going to do “anything” or that he wants to do one thing. And when you’re lured into a false sense of security, he’ll immediately pull you into something entirely different the minute he has the chance (like he’ll go in for a handshake and immediately pull you into a hug/kiss).

- He’ll usually call you things like honey or baby; especially if you’re annoyed with or mad at him. 

- Considering how affectionate he is in general, I think it’s safe to say that he enjoys cuddling. He’s usually the big spoon whenever you do. 

- Everything you give him is cherished like it’s worth a million bucks. Photos, clothing, drawings, dumb novelty gifts, stupid cards; he doesn't seem like the sentimental type but he definitely is. 

- He definitely has your photo hanging up in his locker, along with some of your belongings; even though he undoubtedly complained about you “taking over his space” when you first left something in it.

- He probably gets you a necklace with his name or initial on it and wholeheartedly expects you to wear it everyday; which you probably end up doing anyway. 

- Expensive gifts. Elton's got quite a bit of money to spare so buying you something regular people would consider borderline excessive; for lack of a better word, is practically nothing to him. 

- Driving around town together. You’d think that a date would end after you leave wherever you’d gone to but nope, the two of you always end up cruising down random streets afterwards so they technically last; at least, an hour longer; most of the time. 

- Holding hands while he drives.

- Borrowing and exchanging CDs. 

- Singing along to the radio together.

- Concert dates. His dad can always get the two of you tickets.

- Going to parties with him.

- Dancing together.

- Receiving overdramatic winks from him whenever you lock eyes from across the room; particularly when you’re both talking to or hanging out with other people. 

- Anytime you need any help, he’s always immediately at your side, even if he rolls his eyes whenever you ask him to do something; though that usually only happens when you send him off on a mission rather than keeping him at your side. 

- Given his usual behavior, you might not expect him to be as sweet as he is; or at least as sweet as he is with you, but he definitely surprises you with just how kind and caring he can be. He’ll usually roll his eyes when you mention it or call him adorable but he secretly likes your praise.

- Note passing.

- Lending him your notes and helping him study for tests since he sure as hell doesn’t listen to anything that’s going on in class; unless it has something to do with you.

- He lowkey loves when you fall asleep on his shoulder. A big dopey grin spreads across his face and he carefully brushes your hair back, moving to wrap his arm around you.

- Bridal carrying.

- Getting to wear his jackets. He’ll usually drape the one he’s wearing over your shoulders whenever you’re together; especially when you’re standing outside after a date or party. 

- Having “your shows” that neither of you are allowed to watch without the other. You just have to get together to watch them every *whatever day they’re on* or else it’s as though a cardinal sin has been committed. 

- He’s definitely the type of person who’d continue to flirt with you throughout your relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together. He’d also probably tease you about how much you like/liked him; as though he wasn’t just as, if not more, in love with you. 

- So much blatant showing off. He wants everyone to know you’re his girlfriend. 

- No one is more proud of you than he is. He’s constantly giving you compliments, cheering for you, congratulating you, and supporting you through everything you do.

- Unless he’s sure his parents will “approve of you”, he isn’t going to be inviting you around his house anytime soon. Lucky for you, his father and mother go on quite a few business trips so you’re able to enjoy the luxuries of upper class housing without the awkwardness of parental supervision. 

- On that note: he introduces you to his parents at some point and they really couldn’t care less. Like, he was so concerned about how they’d react and they just nonchalantly said “hi” and went back to what they were doing, making a “she seems nice” comment to him when he fished for their opinions of you after you left. 

- Elton really isn’t a jealous person; mainly because he spends half his time reveling in the fact that he has something that other people don’t and desperately want.

- He’s not incredibly protective, he’s more of a “I’ll deal with the aftermath” type of person. He’s also probably one of those boyfriends who’d say you’re being silly when you’re scared or upset about something; if he doesn’t understand the situation.

- The two of you probably argue quite a bit. He doesn’t purposefully do it, but he does say shitty things that he doesn’t fully think through so chances are, he’s going to piss you off at some point.

- Half the time, he acts like you’re being silly when you’re upset because he can’t see what the big deal is; which only ever makes you angrier. He also thinks that kissing you will solve everything so expect him to try to smooth things over then kiss you before you can try to argue any more.

- He tries to fix things before you have to leave but he’ll give up and give you a little space if he thinks his attempts at making up are going to be in vain. He does apologize when he’s really upset you; even if he still doesn’t really understand what happened, so you’ll give him that, I guess?

- He mirrors how much you say you love him, if you’re constantly saying it then he’ll say it back, but if you don’t say it a lot than chances are, he isn’t going to either. He does really like hearing you say it though.

- The two of you definitely kiss as the caps are being thrown up at graduation and that’s all I’ll say about that.

[tropes-and-tales]

Burning Bright, Chapter Twelve

Characters:  Oberyn Martell and F!Reader and Ellaria Sand

WC:  6816

Other Pieces:  This is part of a series.

CW:  Mild language.  The hot, steamy world of politics.  Gratuitous happy endings for some.

AN:  The usual disclaimer that this is fan-service fan-fiction, a veritable jumble of the books, the shows, conspiracy theories, and my own wacky brain.

________________

Rumors always had a way of swirling around Oberyn Martell.  Bored northern lords, commoners alike – they all had heard some story (from a friend, from a distant cousin, for a whore who was there when it happened) of his prowess.

Similar rumors sprang up around Ellaria – that she was a sorceress, that she practiced love-magick, that she worshipped a love-goddess from some obscure island in the Jade Sea.

It was all a way to make sense of their unconventional life together.  A prince who had eight bastard daughters.  Not only did he acknowledge them, but he had an active role in raising them.  It was more than most true-born daughters got in the north from their own fathers.

But people who focused on the salacious rumors, the whispered tales of orgies that lasted days – they missed the truth of Oberyn.  He was a man who loved with every fiber of his being, and it wasn’t just limited to tumbles in bed or trysts in brothels.  If those gossipers could see him in the days following the end of the war, they would understand the depth of his feelings, the great expanse of his heart, much better.

Because it was Oberyn – not Ellaria, not Tyrion or Daenerys – who kept you from sliding into grief-induced madness.

After he found you on the field of battle, weeping and cradling the lifeless form of your dearest friend, Oberyn only held you.  He held you for so long that his own legs cramped underneath him, but he never let you go – not as your crying tapered off, not as it gave way to deep, involuntary shudders.  

He soothed you when a pair of Unsullied came bearing a litter to take Karne’s body away.  You turned on them, your teeth bared like a wild animal, and Oberyn saw how close you were to being irrevocably lost.  He was able to turn your focus onto him, stroking your tangled hair carefully, as he murmured promises that the Lhazareen would be taken care of and that you’d see him again.

When he left you for only a moment – to speak with Ellaria, to figure out the logistics of where they would stay now that King’s Landing was secured – you were gone.

He found you with the body.  The Unsullied had cleaned Karne up as best they could, laid him out on a pyre.  You sat nearby, your knees drawn to your chest, and you stared with eyes that didn’t seem to see anything.  Oberyn sat beside you, and after a moment, he wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you against him.

A moment after that, Umbrax landed nearby.  The ground shook as the dragon lumbered over to the two of you, and Oberyn felt a shiver of fear lance down his spine to be so close to such a deadly creature.  

But the dragon only curled up around the two of you, wrapped one wing as if to protect you.  She gave a low keening, and Oberyn was reminded that dragon-riders and their mounts often shared a bond that couldn’t be explained.  Umbrax was sad because you were sad.  Your grief was hers.

He judged the situation as best as he could.  It seemed as though silence was the best course of action for now, so he only held you as you sat and kept watch over the body.  No one understood grief better than Oberyn, and no one understood the nebulous nature of love better either.  

You and Karne had such a unique bond; it seemed silly to try and label it.  You had loved him, he had loved you.  You had trained together and traveled together and fought together.  The fact that you had never made love hardly seemed the point:  from Karne’s stories, he knew that that two of you had bedded together in your travels, huddling together first for warmth and safety, then for comfort.

Whatever thoughts were bouncing around your tortured head, it was well into twilight when you roused yourself and stood.  You were unsteady on your feet, had injured yourself in that mad jump off of Umbrax.   Your eyes were swollen and red.  You reeked of smoke and blood, and even in your dark war clothing, Oberyn could make out of the stiff patches of blood that had dried on your tunic.

Umbrax roused herself too, and the dragon fixed you with a look that seemed to communicate without words.

You nodded at the dragon, but then whispered the command all the same in a voice even rougher from tears and smoke.  “Dracarys,” you whispered, and the blue beast lit up the funeral pyre.

You stood there until the flames died away.  Until your dearest and first friend was nothing but a pile of ashes.  You stood there as the Unsullied gathered the ashes and placed them into a simple wooden box and handed it to you.

Only then did you try to limp away, but you were too weak.  Too injured.  Your ankle pained you, and you hadn’t taken food or drink the entire day.  You likely hadn’t rested in days either.

When you faltered and started to fall, Oberyn was there to catch you.

*****

Ellaria had secured lodging at a favorite brothel on the Street of Silk.  Gold still spent in King’s Landing, no matter who sat on the Iron Throne, and Ellaria was able to book a room as she waited for Oberyn to return with you.

She paced the entire day and into evening.  It had been an awful sight, you kneeling in the mud, driven half-mad with grief.  But if anyone could draw you back from the edge, it was Oberyn.

The two of you rode up well into the night – Oberyn on some borrowed horse, you perched in front of him, staring straight ahead without seeing.  You held a wooden box in your arms, and you snarled at the servant who tried to take it from you.

“It’s alright,” Ellaria cooed, and you blinked at her, not recognizing her for a long moment before you finally nodded and allowed her to take the box in her hands so that you could climb off of the horse.

You moved stiffly, and you hissed in pain when your feet hit the cobblestones.  It was a known issue, judging by how swiftly Oberyn lifted you into his arms and carried you inside.  Ellaria followed behind, close at his heels, only stopping long enough to speak with the proprietor of the place.  To order food, drink.  Hot water.

How she wished it were any other circumstances, she and Oberyn taking you to a brothel.  She’d love to see how flushed you’d get at all the flesh on display, how you’d duck your head and try to curl in on yourself.  Ellaria could see you coaxed out of that innocent shell of yours, your fierce little spark of passion fanned into flames.

But the brothel itself was out of sorts too.  The whores were too nervous to work, and besides, no one was in the mood for any variety of fucking.  The siege came and ended too fast.  The Targaryen forces held the city and the throne.  Dragons had burned down the ramparts and the scorpions on them.  The whores, their servants, the proprietor herself….they were too busy waiting for death.

Ellaria rushed ahead and opened the door for Oberyn, and it was their usual lavish apartment – a sinfully large bed covered in silks, an ornate table and chaise for lounging and eating.  And, after a few moments of servants silently coming into and leaving the room, a massive beaten copper tub filled with steaming hot water.

Wordlessly, the two of them worked, in perfect harmony as only two people with so much shared history and love could.  Ellaria had the servants bring her a pair of wickedly sharp shears, and as Oberyn steadied you, she cut you out of your clothes.  They reeked of sweat and dirt, blood and smoke.  

She cut you out of one of your boots, your ankle so swollen that she couldn’t pull it off.  You gave a little grunt of pain but didn’t say anything otherwise.

She cut the laces on your tunic, knotted and stiff with blood.  She cut you out of your trousers.  When she peeled you out of the garments, she saw the extent of your injuries – so many bruises and scrapes that your skin seemed to be a motley of red and purple.

She eased the silver chain over your head, and the bird charm and Oberyn’s gold ring clinked softly as she sat it aside.

But when Ellaria reached to cut you out of your small-clothes, some tiny part of you – the northern-raised, shy part - woke up.  “Don’t look,” you whispered in a smoke-harshened voice.  “Either of you.”

Ellaria caught Oberyn’s bemused look.  “I’m looking at that far wall over there, little dragon,” he said.  

For Ellaria’s part, she kept her eyes fixed on yours as she removed the rest of your clothes and led you to the waiting tub.  You gave another grunt of pain as you tested your weight on your swollen ankle, but then you climbed into the tub.  You sank down into the water until only your head and your bruised knees broke the surface.  The water was opaque from the scent the servants had poured in, orange blossoms and lemons that made the room smell of Dorne.

Again, together, they bathed you.  Again, if the gossipers could only see the Red Viper and his paramour, in a brothel, tending to a lost lamb….they would see that true love wasn’t just kissing or secret glances or fucking.  Love was also a service, a grace extended to someone who needed it.  And if anyone needed to feel the full force of love, it was you.  

Ellaria ran the perfumed cake of soap over your skin carefully, as tenderly as she had ever bathed any of her daughters, and she fussed over your wounds.  Oberyn worked a lather between his hands and ran it through your tangled hair, rinsed it out, repeated until the water ran clear.

When you pulled your knees up to your chest and pressed your forehead against them, when the shuddering sobs wracked your bruised body so hard that some of the water sloshed out of the tub….neither of them said a word.  Oberyn only laid his palm on the back of your neck, stroked the soft skin there carefully.  And Ellaria laid her own hand on your head too.

It was surely love that guided Oberyn and Ellaria to dry you off (Oberyn’s eyes carefully focused elsewhere), to dress you in a clean shift, to rub ointment into the worst of your scrapes.  It was love that had Oberyn carry you to the enormous bed in the middle of the room, to lie you in it.  Both Oberyn and Ellaria laid down with you, one on either side of you, both pressed in tight against you, the warmth of their bodies serving to slow the relentless shivering that had taken you over.  

It was likely the most innocent encounter either of them had ever had at a brothel – their arms secure around you, a handful of chaste, gentle kisses pressed to your forehead or shoulder.  But it was love all the same:  two people serving as a weight to hold you fast to the world, just as they had promised.

When they woke in the morning, you had disappeared, as if you were made of smoke after all and had never even been there.  On the small table, you had left Oberyn’s gold ring behind.

*****

It took you a few hours to prepare for the journey.  First, you had to find your regular clothing.  You had borrowed a gown from one of the girls at the brothel, a filmy confection of pink and cream that barely was worth the effort for all the skin it revealed.  But you eventually found the steward of the Targaryen army, who found the servant who had all of your belongings, and you managed to get changed and crammed your bad foot back into a boot with a muttered curse.

Then you gathered your companions for the journey, and they were both surprised by your sudden appearance.

Not surprised enough to not pack their own scant belongings and join you on the tourney grounds, though.  Umbrax waited, and she patiently stood still while you climbed onto her neck, clumsy from your foot.  

And then Grey Worm climbed on, pulling Missandei up too.

“The war is over,” you had told them.  “Now is the time for you to carve out the lives you wanted together.”

It was never a secret that the two of them were lovers, or as much so as a eunuch could be.  You had overheard them more than once, whispering plans, wishes in the dark for when the war was over.  At the time, you had thought it mad, but harmless.  It was madness to think they’d both survive the war, and madness to think they could have a life together.

But they did survive, and you were flying to Essos anyway…just as easy to fly south first, to the Summer Isles.

People deserve a happy ending, you thought to yourself.  If Daenerys were to be angry, let it be at you.  Grey Worm and Missandei could have their happy ending, and if you paid for it, so be it.  When you landed in Naath, when the two of them exchanged glances of incredulity, you knew you had made the right choice.

You remounted Umbrax before they could say a single word.  You were tired to death of goodbyes.

It was nearly a straight shot to Kosrak, in Lhazar.  You landed a bit away from the small city so that the people wouldn’t be scared of the dragon.  You slid off of Umbrax’s back, holding the wooden box carefully, and then you limped into the city.

You would spend nearly a month there, finding peace amongst Karne’s people. Healing your soul as best you could.

*****

In plays and in books, transitions of power always appeared seamless.  One day, the war for the throne.  The next day, the new ruler on the throne.

The reality was far more boring and mundane:  it took the Targaryen forces a full month to take power.

There was the tricky business of securing the city, eliminating the small pockets of Lannister loyalists across the countryside.  Which, it had to be said, were few:  Tywin and Cersei inspired no love, especially in the final years of the war, when Cersei had full control and used her power indiscriminately and without any seeming strategy.

And then there was the business of setting up a functional government.  One that could parse out food and medicine, one that could reassure the common folk that Daenerys wasn’t there to burn Westeros to the ground.

In the end, there was a full accounting of the cost of the war.  The list of dead was staggering, the houses made extinct.  House Marbrand, Mormont, and Frey were all extinct, though no one mourned the Freys very much.  Other houses teetered on the brink until Daenerys stepped in.  She dissolved Sam Tarly’s oath to the Night Watch to keep that house intact.  She legitimized bastards.  Gendry Storm became Gendry Baratheon, and even Daenerys’ lips had quirked into a smile at how bewildered the young man looked.  From the blacksmith to a great house, all in a moment.

As for the great House Lannister?

Extinct.

Tommen had committed suicide when Cersei had gone to war with the Faith, and that battle had taken two of the Tyrells with it – Margery and Loras.

Myrcella had turned up missing from Dorne, some hair-brained scheme by Cersei to bring her back to King’s Landing.  It was unfortunate – the girl had been perfectly safe and content in Dorne.  Instead, the fishing boat her rescuers used hit rough seas and sank.  The girl’s body had washed ashore in Estermont weeks later.

Cersei and Jaime had been found in Maegor’s Holdfast, clutched in an eternal embrace, dead from poison.

Everyone else – Lannister uncles and aunts, cousins and half-brothers and sisters by marriage – had died throughout the war.  Some by their own hands, others by injury or disease.  Unless some obscure relative surfaced, Daenerys’ was content to mark the Lannister lions as extinct, grant their holdings to another, and move on.

But Tywin still lived.  He had been taken alive during the battle, and he had been waiting in the Black Cells ever since.  Once things calmed, Daenerys called for the Prince of Dorne and led him down to the musty-smelling cells under the Red Keep.

She studied him out of the corner of her eye as a pair of servants led them down the spiraling stone steps.  He was a mystery to her – both Oberyn and Ellaria.  They had both known you as a child, or as a young woman, long before you found her and Tyrion.  

It had been a gamble, sending you to the Prince’s Pass all those months ago, but it was one that paid off.  As your gambles often had, Daenerys had to admit.  You had been an excellent Mistress of War, and here she was:  she had defeated the Lannisters for the Iron Thrones, and she had defeated the Night King for life itself.  And all the while, Oberyn and his Dornish forces had proved to be skilled fighters and loyal besides.

Loyalty deserved a reward, she figured.

Outside of the cell where Tywin languished, Daenerys turned and faced Prince Oberyn.  He was handsome enough, she supposed, though he wasn’t quite her type.  But she could see why one would be drawn to him.  Why you would be drawn to him.

“In Winterfell, my sister bade me to give you this,” she told Oberyn.  She held out her hand with the tiny vial in it.  “She said that it will compel someone to tell the truth.”  She smiled at the man.  “She said it is no curse-breaker like before.  She said you’d know what that means.”

Oberyn took the vial from her and held it against the light.  He had a soft smile on his face, obviously remembering some scene that the two of you had shared.  Another mystery to Daenerys, that.  How the two of you seemed to push and pull at each other, no longer married but still bound somehow.

“Do you know where she is?” he asked.

She shook her head.  “No, but I know where she’s been.  She’s lucky that I’m in the forgiving spirit lately, taking my best general and my herald right out from under me.  And I can guess where she is.”  She reached out and took his hand, gave it a reassuring squeeze.  It was obvious, the love that the man held for you, even if you didn’t quite seem to see it.  “She will return.”

She turned and nodded at the door to the cell.  “She told me that if we took him alive you should be given your revenge.  She said that Tywin Lannister was a better wedding present than even the finest dagger.”

With that, she turned and left.  She’d learn later:  it took about a week for Tywin to find a way to kill himself, burning with terrible pain from the truth potion that you had given to the Red Viper.  And Oberyn must have found some peace in whatever truth spilled from the Lannister man’s lips, because the deep creases in his brow disappeared after that, never to return again.

-----

The coronation was a muted affair.  In truth, Daenerys had her fill of pomp in Essos.  

Now that she was on the Iron Throne, she was ready to get to the dirty business of ruling.

She thought about it all the time, the lovely symmetry of her life.  How she had been such an unlikely contender for the throne:  a daughter with two older brothers, exiled from birth.  

Those brothers had been a disappointment.  Moody, sensitive Rhaegar had thrown aside his wife and children for some scrap of a northern girl and lost his life – and hers – for it.  Violent, unstable Viserys had steeped in bitterness and died after being mockingly crowned in Vaes Dothrak.

It left her alone in the world until you and Tyrion had turned up.  Two brothers lost, a brother and sister gained.  And what a gain it had been.  Tyrion with his sharp tongue and sharper mind.  You with your dark magick and kind heart that you kept hidden under thick layers.

And now she sat on the throne.  The lords and ladies of Westeros watched her carefully, likely looking for whatever germ of madness had bloomed in her father.

They need not have worried.  In Daenerys’ idle moments, she thought about what her legacy would be.  It wouldn’t be madness, like Mad Aerys.  Nor would it be cruelty, like Maegor the Cruel.  She would strive for the moniker of “wise,” or “kind,” or “good.”

She knew it would be a promise that you’d hold her to.  She felt your eyes on her, and she scanned the crowd until she found you, your dark eyes the same as hers.  So you had returned in time to see her crowned.

Daenerys smiled and gave you a scant nod, and you caught the gesture.  Returned it with one of your own before you melted back into the crowd.

*****

Oberyn was always glad that he hadn’t been the first son.  Ruling was boring work.  But since Doran couldn’t travel to King’s Landing, Oberyn found himself held back and taking his seat on the small council.  

He yearned for home – his daughters had already been returned to Sunspear and the Water Gardens, and Ellaria had departed a week ago to greet them, unable to wait any longer.  Without his paramour, Oberyn wandered King’s Landing alone.  He walked the streets, gauged how the commoners were adjusting to their new ruler.

He missed you too.  He wondered if he’d ever see you again, though both Tyrion and Daenerys held no such qualms.  Both seemed certain that you’d return.

And then, just like that, you did.  When Oberyn rose early to take his seat on the small council, he found your familiar face sitting at the table amongst the other lords and ladies, the appointed positions of Queen Daenerys’ new reign.

You were still in your severe black war-outfit.  Artifice, Karne had called it.  But when you saw him enter the room, you paused in your conversation with Sansa Stark to gift him with a smile.  It was small and a little tentative, but it felt real.

-----

In the past, these sorts of meetings took a while to start, what with all the formalities.  Queen Daenerys, though, cut through the frivolous conventions and got straight to business.  Oberyn grinned to see it.

First, there was the business of settling the army.  The Greyjoys pledged their ships to return the Dothraki to Essos.  Most of the horse-lords wished to return, and the promise of stone houses and meaningless titles did not sway them to stay.  

Conversely, most of the Unsullied wished to stay in Westeros, so there was a proclamation that each man would be granted some gold and some land – wherever it was available, wherever they chose – and would be free to settle.  Further (and at this, Daenerys cast a fierce glare at the high septon), the Unsullied would be free to marry despite their…infirmities.

“My queen,” the high septon managed to squeak out.  “Marriage is for the creation of children – “

“The land is full of orphans thanks to Cersei’s war,” the young Targaryen snapped.  “Unless you’d rather I empty out every sept from here to Dorne and use the funds to build an orphanage?”

There was the settlement of open land left behind by extinct houses.  Lady Olenna leaned forward eagerly when it came time to assign the Lannister lands, and her face grew bitter and irate when Daenerys granted it to Ser Davos.  Oberyn grinned to see that too.

Then Daenerys’ real master stroke was revealed.

The position of War Mistress was dissolved, and Oberyn watched your face as it was announced.  You had your usual placid mask on, revealing nothing of whatever inner turmoil may be churning in you.  Daenerys’ point was valid:  the war was over.  A small standing army would remain, but the bulk of it would disband once the Dothraki and Unsullied left King’s Landing.

As for the Hand of the Queen….there was a change there too.  Tyrion was thanked for his service, and the familiar pin – the graven hand holding a small golden circlet – was passed.  To Varys.

A minor riot erupted at the table.  Only you and Tyrion sat back, unfazed.  You both had curious expressions on your face – Oberyn wasn’t sure you knew precisely what was happening – but neither of you seemed to object either way.

“He’s not a lord,” Olenna spat angrily.  “He’s not even a man.”

“He’s not from Westeros,” Lord Edmure Tully added with a little more tact.

“Exactly,” Daenerys said with a smile.  “Lord Varys has always operated in the shadows for the good of the realm.  Baratheon, Targaryen…it never mattered who held the throne.  What mattered was the common folk.  Varys was the only one who ever put their needs first.”  She cast a pointed look around the table, tilting her head a little when her gaze fell on you.  “I daresay we forget that fact sometimes, my lords and ladies.  We are but shepherds to our flock of subjects.”

“Varys will keep Queen Daenerys honest,” you added in your low voice.  “He will always put the needs of the people first.”

“And he has no house, so he won’t be tempted to grant favors to grasping sons and cousins,” Tyrion added.

“My sister and brother understand me,” Daenerys said with a smile.  “Which brings me to the next order of business:  the extinction of House Goldenfyre.”

That drew a reaction from you and Tyrion.  Oberyn watched as you each exchanged a wary glance, sat up a little straighter.  Oberyn supposed it was always a possibility, the young Dragon Queen using you and your brother until she gained the throne.  You were both older; perhaps she feared a rebellion, or a coup.  Perhaps she thought one of you wanted to rule –

“Goldenfyre was such a flowery name,” she continued.  “And one chosen by my brother after getting my sister drunk.”  She nodded at a waiting servant, who brought two leather folios over.  “House Targaryen is in a precarious position.  And moreover, my sister and brother came to me when I had no family.  They supported my cause for the throne without hesitation.  I would not sit here as the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms if it weren’t for them.”  

She glanced over at Olenna.  “You were right, Lady Olenna.  I am like Aegon the Conquerer with his two sister-wives.  But I’m better because I conquered my birthright with my sister and brother beside me.  There is a lovely symmetry there that I keep thinking on.  A trio of conquerors.  My brothers Rhaegar and Viserys and I.  Then, when they fell to their own worst natures, a pair of bastards that no one knew existed stepped in.”  

She tapped on the leather folios.  “This is a pair of orders.  The first eliminates House Goldenfyre, as both of my siblings are hereby legitimized.  They are Targaryens now.  Stylized as prince and princess, and no longer bastards.  They will be accorded what is theirs, and they will be written as my heirs.”

Oberyn watched both of you carefully.  Tyrion blanched, reached for his glass of wine and took a massive swallow of wine.

You, as if to prove the blood relationship to the imp, did the exact same thing.

Daenerys watched you both with bemusement, but then she turned to Sansa Stark.  “Lady Stark,” she said.  “What is the largest concern in Winterfell, in terms of being in the Seven Kingdoms?”

The girl that Oberyn had met so long ago, at Joffrey’s fatal wedding – that girl seemed to no longer exist.  Now, Sansa fixed the young dragon queen with a level gaze and answered.

“The Iron Throne has never understood the north,” she said.  “No matter who sits on it, the concerns are always around the Crownlands, the Reach, the Westerlands.  No king or queen ever comes north to learn about us or our ways.  We have always been the obstacle between the wildlings and the realm, but we’ve never received support.”

“Bullshit,” spat Olenna.  “We’ve always sent men to man the Wall.”

“Criminals and second sons,” Sansa retorted.  “Running a small army in garrisons that always need repaired, but no coin ever seemed to make its way north for it.”

Daenerys nodded at that, then surprised Oberyn by turning to him and asking the same question.

“Dorne is much like the north, your majesty,” he said carefully.  “No king or queen ever comes south unless there is trouble with the marcher lords.  We are asked to be a part of the seven kingdoms, we are taxed as such, but we receive nothing in return.”

That made Sansa nod at him in agreement, and Daenerys smiled as if she already knew both of their answers before they even said them.  She tapped on the folios in front of her again.

“My second order.  A creation of new posts in the north and the south.  Ambassadors, if you will.  These roles will sit on your own small councils, and they will bring your concerns directly to me.  I want a unified kingdom, and I want both Dorne and the North to feel equal and valued.  As much as their counterparts in the Reach or the Crownlands.”

She needn’t even say the rest – it was obvious.  But she said it anyway, pointing out that Tyrion (as Sansa’s one-time former husband) was the obvious choice to serve as the Northern ambassador.  And you (as Oberyn’s one-time former wife) was the obvious choice to go to Dorne.  It made both you and Tyrion take second, longer swallows of wine – Oberyn noted how flushed you got at the order, how you leaned over to whisper something to Tyrion that he couldn’t quite make out.

“It’s a lovely sort of symmetry, don’t you think?” Daenerys asked.  She sat back in her high-backed chair, the business of the council concluded and a pleased sort of smile written across her lips.

*****

You would blame the familial madness if it didn’t make so much damned sense.  Fucking Daenerys and her obsession with symmetry.  

When the small council broke up – Olenna leading the charge, hobbling away as angrily as a woman her age could – you held back and tried to reason with your sister.

And since Oberyn was involved, he stayed behind too – though he had an insouciant smile on his handsome face, and his eyes sparkled with good humor at the sisterly fight he was witnessing.

“I don’t know the first thing about being an ambassador,” you tried to point out reasonably.  

“And you didn’t know anything about war either,” your sister replied.  “You’ll learn as you go.”

“What about Umbrax?”

“Dragons like the sun.  I daresay she’ll be happier in Dorne than in King’s Landing.”

You sighed and ran your hands through your hair.  You glanced over at Oberyn, but his obvious glee at your distress made you scowl.  

“Stop grinning like that,” you snapped at him.  “Dorne is going to revolt when I turn up as their ambassador.  They will not like being drawn into the fold of the seven kingdoms, and they do not care for me at all – “

“You have the wrong idea,” he cut in.  “Dorne will welcome you as their savior.  You turned the Lannister forces back from our doorstep.”

“She’s nervous, I think,” Daenerys offered with a smile.  She looked past you at Oberyn as if you weren’t standing right there.

“I’m not – “

“You’re right, I think, your majesty,” Oberyn spoke over you, picking up the thread of the game.  “She gets incredibly irritable when she’s nervous.”

“Alright, but – “ you tried to break in, but they were ignoring you outright now.

“Like a child throwing a tantrum nearly,” your sister agreed.  “Have you noticed how her eyes get so narrow when she’s mad, almost like they are closed?”

“And a little line between her eyebrows...” Oberyn added, and at that, your temper snapped.  You threw your arms up, yelled a choice phrase you had learned in Asshai, and turned on your heel to leave.  You only heard their laughter ringing out, teasing but not cruel, and you knew that your temper would cool soon enough.  You would face your new role with cool-headed clarity and gravitas.

For now, you would sulk.  Preferably somewhere far from the Red Keep.

Striding away from the small council room, you missed the more serious turn in Daenerys’ and Oberyn’s talk.  After you were gone, your sister turned to the Prince of Dorne.

“She is nervous,” she said.  “It’s a homecoming, almost, but her time in Dorne was unhappy.”

“I know,” Oberyn said.

“Imagine how much worse it is now.  Before, she was just a child doing her duty by her house.  Now…” she trailed off, didn’t complete the sentence right away until Oberyn gently prodded her.

“Well, now she’s in love with you,” Daenerys said plainly.  “And now there’s no war between you and her.  She’s going to have to figure out what that all means.”  Here the young woman narrowed her eyes and added, “but you better not hurt her again, Prince Oberyn.”

-----

Oberyn sailed for Sunspear the very next day, though you eked out another month in King’s Landing.  You called it preparation time, though Oberyn knew you were just delaying yourself.  You were nervous.

You sent ravens every day.  Oberyn, Doran, Arianne….they replied, but nothing seemed to convince you that anyone in Dorne wanted you there.  You had a hundred questions about how it would all work:  you asked for a villa to be rented for you, you asked if they could set aside space in the palace to hold meetings.  Nervousness aside, you were taking your new role deadly seriously.

The final question was how you should arrive.  Should you sail there?  Take the Boneway?  Fly in on Umbrax?

Oberyn responded to that raven.  Fly on Umbrax, he wrote.  So that you get here all the faster.

The month dragged by, but as the date drew nearer, the excitement in Sunspear was palpable.  Oberyn could barely sit still; he felt like a boy again.  His younger daughters caught their father’s mood until they were nearly unmanageable, hanging off of him or Ellaria or their older sisters or servants, screaming that they wanted to see a dragon, pretending they were dragons, holding screeching fights where they reenacted the Battle of the Prince’s Pass with only a little less bloodshed.

Ellaria was similarly overwrought.  She took the matter of your housing in hand:  she found a charming villa outside of the closest winding wall, just a short walk to the palace.  Oberyn and her squabbled over it.  He wanted to put you right back where you had been – in the suite of rooms near theirs.  Ellaria pointed out that it would be too much.

“Those rooms are for your wife,” she reminded him gently.  “Not the ambassador to Dorne.”

“Do such distinctions matter all of a sudden?” he countered.  “Since when did you care for titles?”

Ellaria cupped his face and pressed a kiss to his pouting mouth.  “She is still northern-raised.  If you try to put her back where you left her, she will get confused.  We have a forge a new path forward with her, my sun.”

And then you arrived.  Sunspear turned out to see you arrive on the back of your great blue dragon, and the murmurs and gasps made Oberyn smile.  You landed outside of the Threefold Gate, and both Oberyn and his niece were there to greet you.

You dismounted as regally as ever, and Oberyn was amused to see you still in your heavy black uniform.  There was one notable addition:  a thin silver chain over your shoulder and across your chest, pinned to your shoulder with an elaborate dragon pin.  The chain of your office, it seemed.  Oberyn vouched that Tyrion had a similar one.

You barely had time to pull your leather gloves off before Arianne was there.  The woman skipped the formality of the event and pulled you into a strong hug.  Judging by how your eyes widened at the action, it took you by surprise.  But after a moment, Oberyn saw you snake your own arm around his niece’s waist as you hugged her back.

When the two of you finally disentangled from each other, Oberyn stepped in and offered his own welcome.  You smiled at him, but your eyes were drawn past him, to the spectacle leading into the city.

There were a hundred banners fluttering in the hot breeze.  There were thousands of people standing along the winding walls, hanging out of windows and off of ramparts.  All for a chance to see you and your dragon.  The savior of Dorne.  The would-be princess of Dorne.  The current Targaryen princess and novel new ambassador to the Iron Throne.

It was the arrival celebration you had been owed all those years ago, when you had slipped into the city unnoticed and unwelcomed.  A second chance, Oberyn thought.  A chance to get it right this time.  May the gods allow me as much in the days to come.

Together, he and Arianne led you to the gate where the rest of the Martells waited.  Doran had journeyed from the Water Gardens and sat in his palanquin, and he rose on his painful legs to greet you.  The change in you – from that wan little northern girl to the woman who stood before him now – made Doran cock his head and shoot a pointed glance past you to his younger brother.  As if to say, she didn’t turn out so bad after all, did she?  Didn’t I tell you as much would happen?

You greeted his two nephews, and when you reached Ellaria, you broke into a wide grin and pulled her into a ferocious hug.

And then you met Oberyn’s daughters.  You had sent several ravens about them, pointing out that you had no experience with children and were most nervous to meet them.  Oberyn and Ellaria had laughed at it:  you who rode dragons and slew the dead.  Terrified of children.

Admittedly, the eldest four were barely children at all.  Obara and Nymeria were women grown, and both gave you guarded looks as they openly studied the woman who would have been their stepmother in another life.  Tyene murmured her welcome, and Sarella’s greeting was markedly distracted as the girl gazed over your shoulder at Umbrax.

The four youngest were truly children, and Oberyn caught how you took a deep breath before greeting them.  Elia and Obella could barely stand still, climbing over each other like gamboling kittens to get a glimpse of your dragon, mostly ignoring you.  Dorea hid behind Ellaria’s skirts, afraid of both Umbrax and you.  Loreza, the youngest, was too small and bold to be afraid of anything, so she stuck her hand out like the most assured merchant and shook your hand as you chuckled at her.

Salutations and introductions out of the way, the entire party turned to enter the city.  Doran’s palanquin led the way, and the rest followed.  Ellaria tried to stay back with you, but the four smallest were capering madly about and needed herded like a flock of unruly goslings.

It was you and Oberyn who brought up the rear of the party.  He had to wonder, judging by the way your eyes gleamed just a little, if you were thinking of your last arrival here.  Maybe you were.  Maybe it was as difficult as Daenerys and Ellaria thought it was.  

He was determined to erase those painful memories.  The gods didn’t give second chances very often, and Oberyn Martell was resolute to make the best use of the one he had been given.

Now, he did what he should have done all those long years ago, when you had been a scared and lonely girl tossed into the viper’s pit.  He took your hand and wound it through his arm, pulled you close to his side as the two of you walked to the palace.  And he turned to murmur in your ear, low enough so that you were the only one who heard him.

“Welcome home, princess,” he said.

~~~Tag List~~~ @isvvc-pvscvl​   @mrschiltoncat​   @danniburgh   @ayamenimthiriel​   @dudeodin​   @agingerindenial​   @maharani-radha-writes​   @ace-fiction​   @thesadvampire​   @gingerbreadandpaper​   @graniairish​   @captn-andor​   @rpcvliz​   @deliciouslyclassytrash   @youhavemyfantasticbeasts​   @persie33​  @lostinwonderland314​  @xsadderdazeforeverx​   @terrormonster55​   @evee87​   @omgsuperstarg​   @imspillingcoffee​   @blxckhearthood   @talesfromtheguild​    @grogusmum​   @dreamingfanficsmasher​  @googiebeankat​   @mikariell95​   @littlebopper96​  @stillshelbs​

[ximeria]

Having only attempted, and failed at Majora's Mask on the DS, I'd never gotten into a Zelda game before. Cue 2018 and me wanting to continue playing Pokémon (adored X/Y and Ruby) and figuring yes, let's get a switch.

I enjoyed Let's Go but thought afterwards: you know, this hardware must have more that might appeal to me (I used to play PlayStation games every once in a while on the PS3, mostly assassin's creed and bioshock)

I asked the SO of one of my pals who is a huge Zelda nerd if they thought it would be worth getting Botw. They just nodded wide-eyed at me.

So here I am, 2 years down the line, a nerd in my own right, having also finished Majora's Mask before anyone asks 😂 even if it tried hard to break my brain. I'm currently enjoying the hell out of skyward sword and am about to embark on Twilight Princess.

I've found people who create the most magnificent content, videos on lore, history, theories... you name it. They have given me so much inspiration when writing, I can not thank them and this franchise enough.

With that intro out of the way, I want to talk dungeons. More specifically, the lack of them in Botw, which is what I kept hearing before dealing with my first ever old school dungeon in my replay of Majora's Mask.

It's not that I didn't fall in love with the pure dungeon style. Skyward, for all it's got some wonky play due to motion control it also has some pretty spectacular dungeon puzzles. And Majora's stone temple could break most brains.

No, what it got me to thinking about on my last restart of botw was that while most of us tend to compare the divine beasts to dungeons I realized that perhaps we're wearing blinkers here. I have a slightly different, personal headcanon:

Imagine taking a step back from Vah Ruta. The dungeon doesn't start at the entrance where your new boyfriend drops you off with some bolstering words. It doesn't even start when you mount him to ride into battle. I am not making this shit up 😂😂😂

To me the first 'door' is Inigo Bridge. When you are first accosted by a handsome prince looking for a Hylian to help his people.

Your first puzzle: get to the domain.

Second puzzle: get shock arrows (I fuck around across Hyrule before getting here and frequently have enough arrows already). But if you follow the game's gentle nudges you'll probably get here the first time without. This part of the dungeon either needs you to fight a miniboss (lynel) or get really fucking sneaky about gathering the arrows without the big bastard killing you. Lynels are territorial bastards, but if you unequip your weapons and don't get too close or make sudden moves, you can often cross their territory unharmed. It's a heady fucking experience that had me shaking the first time. Haven't tried it with the one on Ploymus Rock, tho, need to test it there. Heh.

Anywho, it's like a bloody dungeon without walls. It adheres to botw's open world attitude so beautifully simple that it never crossed my mind.

Third part is mounting your shark boyfriend and gaining access, calming the beast (Ruta, not Sidon!).

Fourth is gaining access to the boss room: solving the puzzles to activate the terminals - like you would normally bugger about looking for the key to the boss room. So to me, the actual beast is just the last part of a giant, invisible dungeon.

If you disagree, so be it. But to me that is most certainly one of the realizations I made when replaying it the last time. And I love it for what it did. It was my first introduction to a Zelda game, one I had so much fun playing that at no point did I feel 'this is as far as I'm getting, I'm not good enough to get the whole way.' I never felt disheartened. Because I could still go do something else, come back later and see if it was easier. It never made it feel like I was grinding in order to get better, better weapons, better recipes etc.

Originally Majora's Mask confused me, and having played later, if I'd ever gotten to the first dungeon, I would have definitely stopped there. It would have felt disheartening because I can get this far, and no further without that one little item. Now I'm just a cranky little gremlin who keep banging my head against the game until I can get what I need.

At no point did BotW make me feel that way. There were a gazillion other things I could do instead of furthering the story itself. It literally rewarded me for veering off the path to check some stupid little hole or mountain top, even if it was just a Korok seed. Mountain tops in the game are breathtaking, especially when the sun is either going up or down.

So, I for one can not wait to see what BotW2 might bring. Classic dungeons or the fusion of puzzles and open world? I honestly don't care. I'm here for the game, the characters, the physics engine of the game that allows me to pull stupid shit. And Nintendo... I want my 2nd gen champions again. Riju, Yunobo, Teba and Sidon. I need the sharkboy to perv on.

[doomtodivide]

Imagining The Future: Bastille's New Era Analysis

Hello all! The following is taken from the first of my new era update posts on r/Bastillecult. I highly reccomend reading all the posts on there!

Last time I had a few solid guesses with the whole Goosebumps EP transition period, so I figured I would try my luck with this new era. I've broken everything down into a few categories that should hopefully flesh out a sketch of possibilities

Aesthetic: The new logo has a very sleek design. This complete change in aesthetics is very noticable. Bad Blood was filled with literature references, a cozy and nerdy looking dan, and more earthy looking tones. Wild World focused on nihilism, movie references, and an all too realistic dystopian city aesthetic. Doom Days focused on escapism, partying, fucking, and a red and home-y vibes. The lack of color and the clean and sleek look points towards it being a more future oriented era.

Triangle: For a deeper background, I highly recommend reading u/casperwyomingrex 'spost.

The WW era triangle and this new triangle are technically called deltas. While I am by no means a geometry person, I’ve been told by a few math nerds that these triangles are technically not possible in certain plains and spaces, making them impossible. While it is likely that Bastille just needed to explore just slightly outside the normal definition of a triangle to match this aesthetic, the impossible triangle t-shirts hint that there is significance to having “impossible” triangles. This hints that there may be more in common between the WW Era and the Future Era, ie. a dystopian society.

Dystopia: Bastille created an entire dystopian corporation for WW. I remember them saying somewhere they hated the promo and touring process for this album, leading them to switch up the process for DD and the Goosebumps EP. With the record label change and covid shaking up the world, this opens up the opportunity for them to have a redo with this era, especially considering it is a fan favorite era. Many people have pointed out that hint has a vibe similar to black mirror, a sci-fi dystopian show, which would fully support a sci-fi dystopian aesthetic era.

Sound: Though the clip is only 8 seconds long, it gives us some hints about the new era. Bastille once again uses synths for sound, creating a reference to Sci Fi sound effects. The clip mirrors the effect of oscillators to create things like laser sound effects, teleportation, warping, and other “space” noises. I find the juxtaposition of Sci-fi interesting; it was most popular in the early 1900s, meaning Bastille is referencing the past, yet it focuses on the future, which in the lense of Sci-fi, would mean the 2000s and beyond.

In the lens of broadcasting, short interludes are used throughout advertising to the point where many people don’t even think about this. A lot of them are used to hook us in and signify a certain company or thing. In advertisements they are used to signify the company’s presence and to worm the product into our brain. In casinos they are used as a dopamine reward. News stations use them to signify the station. This especially could be relevant in a dystopian society. I’m mentioning this because the clip doesn’t sound full enough to be a song, rather an intro to a news station segment. I find this especially notable considering WW had a news anchor. Looking back, a few videos from wild world could hold significance. This video

has a sci-fi esc clip in the intro.

In Previous Context: In the context of ReOrchestrated, Bastille is no longer letting imposter syndrome or shitty opinions stop them from what they want to do. Meaning they are going full force into the future. There's one specific time during the ReOrch doc where the boys talk about how ReOrch made them realize they could try new shit, even if management thinks it will fail. Dan has spoken in a few interviews now about being excited about collabing (and mentioning relinquishing control to others in the ReOrch doc), a few artists have come forward about working with Dan. While it’s unlikely that every collab we’ve theorized about will go through, Dan Wilson and Ryan Tedder seem to be confirmed in the roster based off of their interviews

When considering the past, a lot of previous songs focus on nostalgia; for example, in Fake it “We can never go back / We can only do our best to recreate.” Post ReOrch and DD, Bastille has worked up enough confidence to push into making their own future, one unlimited by nostalgia and fear.

In the Context of the Goosebumps EP, Inception and Vanilla Sky are both referenced. Both of these movies mark the first time* (to my knowledge

) that futuristic sci-fi has been referenced in Bastille. There is significant overlap with dreaming and time travel, something that could definitely be applied to this era. While it could be coincidental, Bastille has been quite purposeful with using references to add to the era’s aesthetic (see Aesthetic section). Referencing them during a transition period points towards both the literal future (new era) and a new aesthetic.

*Cosmos: War of the Planets and twilight zone have both been referenced but fall into a different category of sci-fi than Vanilla Sky and Inception

In Regards to Distraction Tactics Space Week and WW, alot of it holds very similar aesthetics. This video

from WW also holds a similar aesthetic. Considering DT is linked through space and WW is linked through dystopian this might MIGHT be related.

Hints: It wouldn’t be a new Era without Dan “Soon” Smith teasing us a bit, so here are a few highlights. In this interview

, Dan says “I want to tell you but I can’t! We just want to reflect on the future…” The No Bad Days tweet and the #ToTheSky post likely plays a part in the new era, but the 8 second clip does not have any immediate hints. The art installation in the #ToTheSky post originally caught my interest when it was posted. James Turrel, the artist that created the installation, uses light as a medium to create art. The installation, called the Space That Sees, is described as an “allegory of light that we generate from inside and light that comes from outside: the emergence into space where light comes forth as in a dream." While I have no fucking clue how to interprete this allegory, I imagine space, light, and dreaming will become key players in the new era. A few other notable works of his are the Raethro Pink and Alta Pink, both of which are pinkish purplish white triangles light projections surrounded by inky blackness. The use of Bastille’s triangle logo and a flash of light purple light means there are likely deep ties between the new era and James Turrel’s creations; furthermore, he also acquired a dormant cinder cone volcano to turn into an a museum/observatory using light apertures to observe the solar system, adding further ties to the space and light themes.

Meaning: "You Don't Predict The Future. You Imagine It" I have purposely not used predict in this analysis so I don’t jinx this era. I’ve found a few variations of this saying (You Can’t Predict The Future. But You Can Create It), but all of them seem to point towards creating the future instead of guessing. I imagine not many of my predictions of this era will not be accurate because I am not the one imagining it. I feel like this might also point towards being conscious about what you want out of the future instead of merely guessing where the tides will take you. This could also be like that one story of a kid's drawings turning into real creatures because of the kid imagining it. I feel like “future” and “imagine” point deeply towards sci-fi because of the creative inventions that will take us there. This could also connect to the theory that the survivin’ coin is linked to A.A., and this statement being a motto to help someone escape addiction. Personally, I feel like this clip is the beginning of some sci-fi choose your own adventure video game, but that's my own opinion.

My Personal Crazy Conclusion: It wouldn’t be a post from me without me shooting out some crazy theories. A Light Cult Utopia. That's right. It would be the opposite of WW, meaning it would be new territory for Bastille and it would break a mold (ReOrch doc). It would also give Dan the ability to be more positive then he has been in the past, while also allowing for his normal cynical undertones. Bastille is purposeful with their references, meaning the Jonestown reference in DD might have a bit more purpose behind it. The lighter colors used in the clip would point to happiness. Considering utopias are “imagined” it would fit the phrase in the clip. Sci-fi would also fit into this as being imagined. Considering there are a few space references, I imagine that humans have imagined perfect spacecraft, further fitting sci-fi and a utopian society. Also, Dan collabed with Future Utopia on the track “What’s In A Name?” That's right, what’s in a name? The name being Future Utopia? An entire new era being the name? That right cultists, Dan ”Soon” Smith snuck this under our noses the entire time that bastard.

Summary Statement: This new era will likely bring collabs from an entirely new approach. A Sci-fi dystopian (or utopian) world, one focused on dreaming, light, and space will likely be the aesthetic for this era.

Loose ends: I am only one human, meaning I physically could not rewatch Inception and Vanilla Sky while also researching James Turrel, so there might be a few things I missed in my brief look at them. If anyone would like to read 1984 by George Orwell through the whole dystopian thing, there might be a few connections there.

Based on some things I’ve heard from a little birdy, expect some big non-album projects that tie in with this era and other things….

Special thanks to u/0verjoyed and @ ja9zimm on twitter

[davidmann95]

"And of course King continues to be living the timeline Alan Moore would have gone through if Twilight of the Superheroes had happened..." Wait, what do you mean? Like, King's become worse with no restrictions or something like that?

My longstanding theory is that if Alan Moore had published Twilight of the Superheroes then to casual fandom him being the writer of Watchmen would be a distant secondary reputation of his next to “he’s that bastard who ruined DC forever”. And because Tom King wrote Heroes in Crisis and that will forever overshadow the incredibly good work that makes up 90% of the rest of his output, I refer to him as living through that timeline that Moore narrowly escaped.

[susiephone]

okay okay okay okay i just finished episode 2 of nightmare time. SPOILERS BELOW, HOLY SHIT SPOILERS. SCROLL PAST IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN. but here are my thoughts

overall:

the lang brothers are geniuses

this could truly be the next twilight zone

the hour-long format is PERFECT for expanding on the hatchetfield multiverse. it’s not overstuffed like black friday was and we get to delve deep into so many different facets of the world

MAJOR PROPS TO THE PIANIST

i also love that this whole thing gives fanfic authors free reign. anything we write COULD be canon in some other timeline. and if there’s an inconsistency? blame it on the multiverse

bill and sylvia: new otp

there haven’t been any songs i’ve really loved yet (besides the theme song), but the stories are so good that i almost don’t care

forever and always:

i fully expected not-emma to be called “kelly”

my theory is that the emma we met from tgwdlm is indeed the real emma perkins, because i don’t think not-emma would’ve been as surprised by the invasion and blue shit as she was. plus, she would’ve kicked infected!paul’s ass

lauren lopez deserves an award for the scenes where she played both emmas. that was incredible.

as horrifying as the ending was, i kind of smiled at the idea of not-emma and paul-23 going off together to live in unholy matrimony, forever. in a way, they’re perfect for each other. and i think they do genuinely love each other, in spite of it all.

i feel like having mariah and robert sing the song together was throwing us a bone since we didn’t see them play a couple in black friday (though angela turned out to be the perfect lex in my opinion)

i thought the fact that clones/androids have the same memories and thinking process as the original was super interesting and it really does muddy the waters as to who’s “real” or not

also makes me wonder if jane was somehow mixed up in all this... the timing of emma’s supposed death and her death, both via vehicle crashes, is awfully coincidential

time bastard:

i didn’t think anything to come out of hatchetfield would spook me more than the ending of black friday. 

then this fucker.

little sad this debunked the theory that ethan is ted’s little brother, but oh well

it made me a little sad that ted really does think of paul as his best friend

the homeless man reveal SHOOK ME TO MY CORE. my jaw was on the ground.

also i loved the grins of the cast, like they’d been waiting for that moment the whole time

i bet the livestream went INSANE

also ted’s vision of dancing with jenny at the wedding genuinely made me tear up. joey’s so good at making me pity ted even when he’s being an absolute shitbag

speaking of which, i actually gasped and went “oh no...” when i realized ted was fucking it up with jenny when he went back in time. i really wanted it to all work out somehow.

i REALLY hope andy and jenny come back

the ending of this had me horrified and tearing up at the same time. it really does remind me of the ending of some twilight zone episodes, where the protagonist brings their fate wholly on themselves, but it’s just so horrible that no one really deserves it.

GET TED OUT OF THE BASTARD’S BOX 2K20.

[undeadorion-archive]

Holy shit the writing in Life is Strange is bad. 

The opening alone is one of my major pet-peeves. It fails to give us the most basic information you need when starting a story: why are we were and why should we care? 

Instead a girl has a dream and all you know is she’s shy and awkward. It would have been better to shuffle things around and have the very first scene be Chloe getting shot then jump back to the classroom after the first rewind. So at least you’re there going what the fuck along with Max. 

But if you instead want that to be later on you’d need more breathing room leading up to it giving us other reasons to care about Max. Like showing more of how the other characters treat her. Or doing something to show why she’s even at that school. Fucking Twilight did a better job at showing that “awkward teen girl doesn’t fit in to her new school so well” thing. 

Then there’s all of the awful dialog that screams “we haven’t spoken to a teenager since the 90s and we can’t be bothered to find out how they talk now.” It’s painful. 

Then the heavy handed treatment of extremely sensitive topics like gun violence, drugs, bullying, suicide, etc. 

And THEN they pull a fucking Frozen. I went into it knowing the teacher was the actual bad guy. And even then I couldn’t find any sign or foreshadowing of that fact. To the point that I was starting to wonder if I’d misunderstood. Then there he is with a suddenly very different personality. The only hint seems to be that “frame any one of you in a dark corner” line. But even that’s a stretch.

But it just serves as proof that your story doesn’t have to be good to be popular.

Edit as I watch more:

They couldn’t even slide in retroactive hints when Max jumps back to the beginning other than then teacher putting very slight emphasis on the word “innocent.” 

Also, Max’s switch to “I’m gonna take this bastard down” is way too sudden even with the kidnapping thing. Wasn’t her entire reason for being at this school because she idolized that guy? They didn’t even for a breath’s worth of world-shattering realization. You don’t just suddenly shift gears like that. Even in the face of such undeniable proof, you need at least at least SOME transition. Not just “What? oh it’s HIM” 

It keeps getting WORSE.

You DO NOT get to paint David as the good guy after setting him up to be such a toxic, abusive, paranoid fuckhead. Suddenly literally crying about not being a good dad to Chloe? No. If you wanna go that route you gotta fucking earn it. 

The whole storm thing makes no sense, too. It feels like the creators heard someone talking about chaos theory/butterfly effect in another room and just made up their own stuff. But chaos theory doesn’t mean you automatically create massive amounts of chaos, it means if you change one detail it can have a vastly different course. Not “it all falls apart and becomes chaos.” 

All it would have taken was showing that time didn’t reset perfectly. Or the rest only happened in a certain amount of space so that each time she re-wound time she was having an effect on the storm rather than causing it. Because the explanation of “I dunno, chaos theory?” is stupid. 

A better option would be whatever is causing the storm is what gave Max powers. No explanation needed, just something mysterious. Because a tornado of that level is basically impossible in Oregon. But you could have the option to sacrifice Chloe, and find out the storm STILL HAPPENS. Instead of going through the whole fucking game only to have nothing change from what would have happened if Max never got powers. And what happened to her powers anyway? did they just vanish? Did she just choose to not use them? 

[jackie-talks-about-starkid]

The Hatchetfield Theatrical Universe - Nightmare Time

Important news in what I am now dubbing the Hatchetfield Theatrical Universe/HTU(TM)! 

StarKid is releasing 6 new musical shorts that take place in the town of Hatchetfield, the fictional location where The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals and Black Friday take place (albeit, in alternate realities but they’re essentially the same place). 

When I first looked at the titles, the one that struck me the most was “Janes’ A Car”. If you’re familiar with the HTU, you’ll know that Jane is Emma’s older sister who died in a car crash. In both realities of TGWDLM and Black Friday, it is heavily implied that Jane’s death is the catalyst for setting both plots of the musicals into motion, seeing as her death is the one major detail that has remained the same in both musicals. Though the audience has never technically met Jane, we know that her death is the driving force of bringing together the cast of characters in both musicals that end up being the most involved in apocalyptic storylines. Going by the title alone, I have a feeling that this story, in particular, is going to be very Twilight Zone-esque in nature, and will most definitely tease us about StarKid’s upcoming Hatchetfield musical, Nerdy Prudes Must Die. It may not give us any answers as to why exactly Jane, and more specifically, her death, is so important in this universe and the group of people within it, but I feel like we will be getting just enough to expand upon or completely change theories about her and the HTU in general. Maybe, since she’s described by Emma as being the ‘good sister’, Jane is the nerdy prude that has to die in order to set everything into motion for the multiple universes of Hatchetfield? I’m putting my money on that.

I’m also very intrigued by “The Witch In The Web”. I may or may not be looking too much into it, but the word “Web” is ringing major bells for me, seeing as in Black Friday, Hannah has a mysterious, seemingly-omniscient friend(if you could call it that) named Webby, whose consciousness is connected to the Black and White that ties the multiple Hatchetfield universes together. That just leads to me to ask: Who is the witch in the web, and how does the witch connect to the Black and White?

A title that really surprised me was “Watcher World”, not because of its connection to the HTU, but because of StarKid’s previous use of the word ‘watcher’ in their shows. If you’re familiar with StarKid’s greater line of work, you may recall that The Watchers is a derogatory term used in The Trail to Oregon to refer to the audience and their cruel tendency to enjoy watching the characters of a story in pain. Those sick bastards…

And speaking of bastards, for no other reason than my own speculative enjoyment, I’m calling that “Time Bastard” has to do with fan-favorite General MacNamara, his work with PIEP, and his history with his husband, whose existence was cut from Black Friday due to time. Maybe he rencounters his former mentor Wilber Cross, who somehow turned into the Uncle Wiley we see in Black Friday. Maybe Cross and MacNamara’s husband are the same people, making Cross’ possession by the Black and White all the more personal for MacNamara, and dramatic for us, the watchers.

So many great things to look forward to from StarKid this month!

Let us take a moment to appreciate that StarKid has created an interconnected narrative universe using musical theatre as its medium of choice. And, not only is this musical theatre universe one of the first, if not the only, of its kind, the genre they chose to format this universe in is a musical horror-comedy with a healthy dose of sociopolitical commentary.

Eat your heart out, Marvel!

[I’ll post my next StarKid rewatch musical breakdown later tonight/tomorrow, but this is so exciting and important that I needed to document my thoughts ASAP. I was so excited about this that I accidentally deleted the first two versions of this post.]

[musicollage]

Lali Puna. Faking The Books, 2004. Morr Music.  ~ [  Album Review |      1) Pitchfork  +  2) Tiny Mix Tapes  +    3) Stylus Magazine  ]

1) Even now, amidst this international shitstorm of laptop-meets-okay-musician circle jerks, the Weilheim, Germany supergroups-- The Notwist, Ms. John Soda, Lali Puna-- have maintained fairly unique personalities. Let's oversimplify: The Notwist remains the camp's darkest shade, preoccupied with melancholy and perhaps the most electronically involved. Ms. John Soda straddles rock and pop equally, coaching chocolately sweet vocals and the camp's most peppermint hooks. By analogy, Lali Puna is to riffs what Ms. John Soda is to melodies-- this is Weilheim's face of rock, its most outwardly energetic outfit and the closest this town gets to sweaty basement shows and fucking shit up wholesale.

Which doesn't say much, as Lali Puna's idea of fucking shit up on their 2001 release Scary World Theory seemed to be, at worst, breaking into a building and rearranging the furniture. Still, at the time, the album's gruffest tracks offered the most aggressive sounds Weilheim's palatable pop spectrum had yet delivered. And then last year, Ms. John Soda released their heavily rock-oriented While Talking EP, which, though only marginally enjoyable, branched out into harder terrain. Now, with Faking the Books, Lali Puna snatch the Weilheim riffing crown back from Ms. John Soda-- and thankfully, even top their labelmates melodically.

After a pleasant but ultimately faceless title track opener, Lali Puna provide a double-shot of well-wrought rippers: "Call 1-800-FEAR" is the first, boasting a no-nonsense drive, tight instrumental harmonies and undistracting electronic loops that bolster the song's pulse. Atop it all floats bandleader Valerie Trebeljahr's underwater vocals, processed enough so as not to sound incongruous or (gasp!) bedroomy. "Micronomic", the album's second single, follows in similar temperament, and while not my favorite track on the album, speaks to Lali Puna's ability to cradle their listener gently in melody for one second, and to punch him in the face with a dirty riff in the next.

"B-Movie" and "Left Handed", however, are without a doubt the album's standouts, and maybe the best rock songs in Lali Puna's catalog. "B-Movie" pulls off the Kim Gordon sing/speak that Ms. John Soda attempted to lesser success last year: Trebeljahr just nails that been-there-done-that apathy which works so well with the song's contrasting manic rock groove and pointed bass pulse. The loud, guitar-heavy chorus of "Left Handed" steps further away from Weilheim's distinguished trademarks than the band's other material. Its roaring rock factor was a point of contention when it was released as the album's first single, but in the context of the album it doesn't seem out of place at all: The song sports similarly atonal-to-tonal lyric deliveries as "B-Movie", and remains anchored firmly by the nervous, high-pitched synth line that opens the song and rides it out to the end.

As for the rest of Faking the Books, it's pleasant, and hardly unrealized, but it falls just a bit too close to the IDM pop lark that takes up so much space on CD racks and FireWire drives. And on an album on which this band so beautifully exceeds itself with songs like "B-Movie" and "Grin and Bear", tracks like "Geography-5" and "People I Know", which are content to simply be pretty, are just further proof that the gimmick of pairing electronic and traditional rock instrumentation has lost its edge, and that the genre must now rely on stronger songwriting to succeed. That said, Faking the Books is a confident stride in the right direction, and proves that, even within the confines of a tired concept, a great hook still goes a long way.

2) The history of brilliant electronic efforts fronted by mind-altered, bot-driven avatars is not a short one. From Kraftwerk to Devo to Miss Kittin, electronic music has always had a soft spot for people who can sing just like computers can. And, admittedly, it is all pretty cool. There is a certain awesomeness in imitating computers, a turn of the tables from trying to get computers to act like humans (which has never worked out very well).

Problem is, Lali Puna's latest effort, Faking the Books, isn't really going for fun, and there is hardly a wink in Valerie Trebeljahr's vacant, utterly sterile delivery; not even a raised eyebrow. We're talking about corporate takeover in "Micronomic," political corruption in "1-800-Fear," and cheating (!) in title track "Faking the Books"; and that's just the first three cuts. In an album heavy on concept, it all comes off as a trick, utterly unconvincing and disturbingly jaded.

To be sure, Faking the Books is still a worthy effort, and contains some undeniably beautiful moments. A lean string section on "Crawling by Numbers" serves as perfect counterpoint to spare, haunting keyboards. The driving percussion of "B-Movie" is as close to a rock-out track as bastardized IDM has ever previously achieved. And throughout the album's twelve tracks, an unlikely confluence of sound often gives way to the kind of sonic landscaping that few electronic acts can approach.

It's just hard what to make of all of it. Listening to Faking the Books makes you feel utterly alone; and maybe that's the whole point. It's difficult to play the album through and not recall Markus Acher's striking vocals on The Notwist's Neon Golden (who also provides guitars here); he's sullen, fairly quiet and not particularly dramatic, but entirely convincing. I want to believe Lali Puna. I just need for them to believe, too.

3) Lali Puna is one of the myriad groups putting out consistently intriguing material without taking the final step toward a defining masterwork. Their first album, Tridecoder, was often sterilized by their Stereolab-worship, and though they progressed towards a Teutonic amalgam of their own with Scary World Theory, they were still hampered by peculiar translation barriers. Often the lyrics came out deadened and awkward, as though misled by a translator fond of cruel pranks (the title track and its allusion to the ‘cookie monster’ was particularly strange). On their newest album, Faking the Books, Lali Puna move one step closer to triumph. They touch greatness at several points, if never truly digging their nails in and grabbing hold.

Opening with the gorgeous stuttering vocal samples of the title track, Lali Puna establish the same vague working area as previous works, but there is a distance in the similarity. It’s as though you’ve just met a good friend’s identical twin, and he’s posing as your friend. His voice sounds different, and he parts his hair wider of center. He doesn’t use the same expressions, and there’s a gleam in his eye that tells you something’s up. The driving organic rhythms of “Call 1-800-Fear” remind of much of the first album, but just as you become accustomed to its propulsive thrust, the drums fade into quick-stepping electronic beats and a solemn piano muffles the song into a deep restless stirring. “Micronomic” uses a similar mechanical breakdown to cool down its squelched sax blurts and lively drums.

Perhaps the greatest difference is Valerie Trebeljahr’s improved emotional range. At times in the past, she was content to play the heroin-dead heroine, reclining with sang froid and cold Germanic grace into an emotional deadpan. On many of Faking the Books’ best songs, Trebeljahr reaches beyond this detachment to an impassioned query, giving the album a greater sense of depth and development. Suddenly, even in the face of vague uncertainty, Trebeljahr seems more confident, more willing to put her ego on the line and risk a sullen retreat. “Geography-5” finds her alluring and come-hither, and since the song is built upon one of the album’s simplest arrangements, her voice is the necessary focal point. Atop a simple bass-drum part and twilight chimes, she sweats out a sexuality that doesn’t bring to mind black leather, dog collars and torturous candle wax. On the gorgeous closer “Crawling by Numbers,” she similarly warms up the chorus with a beautiful reach—the juxtaposition of her voice with the song’s dirgeful strings making for a mesmerizing finale.

For the first time, Lali Puna’s control doesn’t seem so absolute. It’s possible that they aren’t cooler than you are (though it’s still likely). A few cracks have spread in their frozen facade, and that sudden vulnerability, glimpsed in the desperate “Do you?” on “Alienation” and the minimal aquatic squiggles and tribal drums of “Small Things,” makes the group that much more compelling. They work under the protective hush of simplicity at times, and this sparseness allows the broken-nosed shatter of their more propulsive material the intended effect. They aren’t there yet, but the maturity on Faking the Books serves as notice they may only be one album away.

[veinereastath]

hi there again (I'm the anon from the Eredin age ask, btw, thank you for the answer!! I like your theory). i wanted to ask one more thing - how did you play around with pairing aen elle with a human? not that I have something against it, hell naw, but I'm wondering whether making Rhan a human was somehow important for your plot, or did you just decide it for no bigger reason?

I like your questions, Nonny! I really do~

~ Also, sorry in advance - this is a long answer. I wanted to make it short, but.. I guess I usually go to far with asks, probably because I’m just too excited, duh.

Okay, first things first - pairing Aen Elle with a human is sick. :”) To some extent, I presume. I would never go for it if not for the canon Lara Dorren x Cregennan of Lod story, because that gives some mild suggestion that, technically, such a relationship is possible. Even more interesting, the romance between them was more bothering for humans than elves, so it’s also a little point for my evil little abomination that I created.

About how it started - I created Rhan (or, actually, loose concept of her) in late 2015 / early 2016 [I started my journey with this universe in September 2015 where I played Witcher 3, and after finishing it I swallowed the whole saga by Sapkowski in less than two weeks]. Fun fact - she was an elf at this point, Aen Elle, actually, with a totally different backstory than what we have now. But me, being me, always digging human x elf / demon / whatever the hell you can come out with relationships - it wouldn’t work, it was too boring for me, so I scrapped that early concept and started nibbling, slowly and lazily, at something new. I think that the first ideas that are actually what Rhan is today started appearing in my head during summer vacations in 2016 (gosh, why am I giving so many pointless details, sorry anon).

Let’s get back on the grid - the main problem I have with Eredin is that he’s one of that characters that doesn’t have much screenbooktime. The whole Tir na Lia plot takes about 40 pages I think, and Eredin has maybe 15 pages in total. It’s not much when we have 5 books + about a dozen or so smaller stories [and Season of Storms, but it came out much, much later]. But what I could pick up was that:

Aen Elle are a fucked up race, and that’s a fact, but, honestly  - 90% of the Witcher universe is either genocidal, racist, or both, or worse,

Eredin is genocidal and racist, and, even more... complicating, the whole "Ciri in Tir na Lia” plot puts Eredin, Avallac’h and Auberon in position of rapists, because putting a woman in someone else’s bed without her permission is rape,

he’s that lovely, dark and highly intelligent manipulative type. :”)

It’s quite a feat, because everyday I get around 3-4 new little ideas for their story, but only 1 at best makes it to the “next step”, because there are many things I have to consider - first is, 98% of soft and fluffly things just won’t work with Eredin. They just won’t, but somehow I’m fine with that, I was never a fluffly-tropes kind of person. Second is, Rhan x Eredin relationship is difficult on every level: the race difference is obvious, but there is also age, for example, and all the time I have this little devil in the back of my head reminding me of the “the old, kinda supernatural being falls in love with a young woman” trope: *cough* Twilight *cough*. The worst thing that could happen is making Eredin OOC somehow. But that’s always the biggest fear when shipping OC x canon, I presume.

So, in order to make myself feel better, in nearly every piece of story with them I write I put that huge doubt, mostly on Rhan’s side, how the hell this could work and her little panic when after some time she realizes where her feelings are going, because while Aen Elle x human might have indeed a chance of happening again, even after Lara Dorren x Cregennan, it’s still wrong on nearly every level. When that Aen Elle is Eredin, it’s even worse.

The very definition of “falling in love” itself also kinda feels weird when Eredin is taken into consideration, imo, so that’s another thing I have to live with every day (but hey, I love suffering, so it’s all good, right).

Moving on - I decided that if this is supposed to work, Rhan should probably be as most non-human human as I can, while still somehow keeping that “humanity” in her, because... If I wanted to de-human her entirely, why not just make her an elf and be done with it? That’s why I decided that while yes, she was born on Skellige and is 100% human, I will put her in Brokilon, make her live and learn from the dryads, and then put her right in the middle of Scoia’tael to give her the deep understanding of elven culture and way of life. The final effect is that while Rhan is human in terms of how she looks like (no diamond-cutting cheekbones in her, baby~) and tends to show a more fiery side of her temperament here and there, she behaves like an elf in about 85% of the case - to make it more “real” I added small headcanon things that could potentially fit elves, at least Aen Seidhe, the way the greet each other, thank eatch other for help, share their emotions etc., so after just a few days Eredin realizes “well, she’s human, but she does not behave like one, and does not move or fight like one”. It’s barely a deal for him at this point, but it’s the first, microscopic step towards moving their relationship onto some normal ground.

Another thing - this relationship could not happen fast. While Rhan is a sorceress and, indeed, has an increased lifespan thanks to magic, she is still a human and the biggest human thing in her is that she perceives time like humans do - every minute, hour, week is important to her, while Aen Elle can wait decades and not be too much bothered by it. So something long and lazy from Rhan’s perspective would be a blink of an eye for Eredin, especially since I stick to that headcanon that he must be at least 300 years old - at this age elves are pretty much done with everything, they’ve seen nearly everything, and they just don’t care that much about time, and they get quite bored with each other (sex-wise, as Avallac'h said to Geralt in Tower of The Swallow).

Though, on the side note, the books heavily suggest that Eredin is, indeed, impatient; something that kinda costed the Aen Elle losing the Elder Blood and Auberon at the same time, because he would probably live if not for Eredin’s hasty attempt to speed things up.

Huh, what else could I say... Ah, right, time. I wanted to mention that I made their relationship take a long time to just go from “you’re just a trophy” to “you’re tolerable” to “alright, I consider you to be a living being and slightly appreciate what you’re doing to Aen Seidhe elves in your world” to “I respect you” to “I would not die for you, but I would kill for you”. I’m still not entirely sure how much time I want it to take, but one decade is an absolute bare fricking minimum. Recently I’m kind of going more into putting it into a span of 20-25 years, actually. And it’s still not that much for Aen Elle elf.

What else... Ah, to figure out how the hell would Eredin even consider taking her alive, instead of killing her on the spot after she got trapped in Tir na Lia for the second time (in case you don’t know - I gave Rhan a highly unstable magic; she can’t create portals, because they always throw her to the place that is full of powerful magic, and doesn’t care for worlds barriers - and Tir na Lia is literally full of it), I went with the very long and tiring chase sequence; Rhan was able to run away for 5 days before she got captured, with barely any sleep available at that time, to kinda give this whole thing a vibe of an exciting (for Eredin, that is) chase, that is something new and interesting after the routine that is unicorn hunting / raiding human villages. The Raven Haired Bastard managed to be slightly, just sliiightly impressed by how long she was able to play this game, slipping from his riders by mere inches. Slightly. But that’s already some kind of a start to make it at least somehow believable. At least for my mind and my imagination.

And yes, I know he chased Ciri as well, but in her case it was a matter of life and death, because Eredin needed her blood, it was a matter of survival of the whole race, not chase for fun. In case of Rhan, it's more of a free-time challenge, a hunt for a difficult, but not that important prey. Aaand I don't like Cirilla, but that's another thing, yikes

... God, it was not supposed to be this long, I’m sorry. I just couldn’t make it shorter. And there are still probably things that I would like to mention, but just can’t think about them right now.

 

Moral of the story is - I dig complicated, dark and difficult relationships. I always go for them. Well, in 99% of the case.

[monkey-network]

The Fiasco Finale of Future [1/2]

So in the penultimate episode of Steven Universe 2, the climax of both the season and series as a whole... is a group hug. As I expected, plenty were not too pleased with this turnout. Some felt it was anti-climatic, some felt it was resonating, and others tried to own the critics by digging deep into the scene like they always do sucking this show’s co- Coming from nearly a month later, I’m... split. One hand, I didn’t mind the climax. On the other hand, it was pathetic compared to plenty of other finales I’ve seen in media. It’s like this show as a whole, I enjoy it, but I also enjoy smacking it upside the head cuz it made some Karen-esque, All Lives Matter type stupid shit that I just cannot get behind. So you know what, Perry the Platypus, let’s mix it up. I wanna express the good and bad of this climactic end to the show and see where we can go from there. You ready?

What’s Good:

You truly wanna know what makes that final hug a great scene? A real showstopper? I have the truth, the best truth behind this, you won’t believe me but here goes. The climax worked because A Hug Is Nice. That’s it, there’s nothing else to it beyond a hug being nice. “But Monkey, you incel troll, there’s should’ve been more to that. The episode shouldn’t have taken that long to get to that point.” Well, in typical fashion, let me put it this way by talking about Spider-Man 2 (better than Spiderverse, don’t @ me). The whole movie is centered around Peter’s life getting shat on. He’s getting fired left and right, his people are abandoning him, he even loses his powers, he’s just at his utter lowest. But at his apartment, while contemplating, in comes his landlord’s daughter, Ursula, who offers him some chocolate cake and a glass of milk.

We can say the scene comes out of nowhere and that this is all that happens, feeling pointless, but I say this is an important scene because after everything that happens to him before, this one gesture from somebody out of nowhere to be honest was one of the nicest things he’s received in a while. It’s the seedling of a scene that keeps Parker going before Doc Ock comes to make him truly spring back into action. Above everything, it was nice. Like a hug.

I don’t need to be philosophically deep with SU2′s meta to tell you that a hug can be a worthwhile thing to get more than anything. It doesn’t resolve all the baggage Steven has in his mind, but a group hug from the people closest to you (and the Diamonds) can be a gesture so nice, it can numb you out, if only for a moment. Only other times where Steven got a hug was when he felt everything could be okay. With Lars, Peridot, and Connie after her “rejection”, and it’s after that “rejection” where he slowly loses it in his attempts to shake off that harsh feeling of abandonment and that everything can be okay. It is something where he can turn to the others for help but the concern of their response makes him reasonably suffer in silence. That last part is a little dumb, but I’ll get to that later. He can’t really hug himself because it doesn’t work like that. The point being that Steven, at his lowest, just needed something nice to consider. And a hug from everyone who loves him (and the Diamonds) can be that piece of chocolate cake he needed to be at ease, again, if only for a moment.

Like let me tell ya, as a deliriously depressed man that constantly wishes for death, a hug shouldn’t be spat on. Whether it be from your friends or mommy, a good hug can, at the very least, keep you sane and going. It isn’t medication, let’s not get it twisted, but a healthy remedy nonetheless, especially if you’ve ever felt touch-starved like I have before. It’s an affectionate gesture that for what it’s worth, should never be taken for granted. And while Steven could’ve well gotten this big type hug at almost any time he desired, I can at least appreciate the show for saving that at the right time. Whew. But, while the moment itself is nice, it’s predictably almost everything around it that unfortunately puts the moment in a vacuum and me with a bad taste in my mouth.

What’s Bad: 

Let’s get this out the way, because I’m such a literal bastard... *inhale*

Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.

MUSHROOM! MUSHROOM!

Congrats on those with the corrupted!steven theories who no doubt had it hard on when this horned trunk ascended, hung its head high, and beat its meaty chest with blind rage, the crewniverse certainly had the balls to go with this design and a long discussion of utilizing Monster Steven’s full potential. And if you think I’m nasty about this, hoo boy, be glad that words are all you’re seeing right now because artists no doubt had a field day potentially ruining this design for you even more. I’m surprised Tumblr’s flagging system hasn’t taken down whole posts with this. HEHEHEHAAAAAAAA!

As you can probably tell, I’m not a fan of this Diamond Dinodildo’s design (say that 5x times fast). I mean Rebecca could be as horny as she pleased with this show, but this is next level, I tell you. But seriously, it honestly sucked that this is what they came up with when it served no purpose to Steven thematically other than him being a literal peen of a monster. Said this before, but what does becoming a corrupted looking amalgamation mean to him beyond “he’s a monster”? Corrupted gems weren’t the worst things in his world, they were products of a even worse thing. Turning into a diamond like figure would’ve said something about the cycle of abuse making you not feel like yourself, but a reflection of who you not only resent more than anyone, but were the indirect causes of your newfound issues. That would’ve took his struggle in the Diamonds Days arc to its next logical extreme, and brought most of Future’s episodes centered around Steven’s issues to a sensible turning point. Being a warped Diamond version of himself would’ve meant finally embracing inhumanity, and that would’ve conveyed the peak of Steven harshly feeling less like a human over the course of the season, especially when we had several episodes and new powers centering around him being inhuman. And a previous episode had him try to shatter a Pink version of White Diamond, two beings generally responsible for everything that’s happened to him. And it isn’t the design that made this a turn off.

What was Steven even gonna do as a monster? He does nothing to the town, he never even makes it pass the cliffside. He doesn’t even try to attack anybody, the only times he does is when he’s provoked by either the Cluster, the Diamonds, or any of the gems. Spinel raised more hell than Steven. So on the look back it’s insultingly sad they hyped up this big dick energy only to do... genuinely nothing. He already didn’t deserve turning into Pinky the Phallisaurus, but having him not even do anything as a monster left far more to be desired. Mob Psycho 100 did this nearly identical, but better. You can’t deny that it would’ve worked better with 22 minutes, actually give him something to do beyond screech and stomp like he’s Scrat from Ice Age. As much as I don’t like Change Your Mind, 45 minutes worked to its favor to do everything it did. Oh wait, this episode did make good use of time... with a fucking pity party.

They wasted my baby

This is. The WORST scene in the entire series and I’ll stand by that 100%. It’s one thing to show something offensive, but it’s another to have something be completely pointless. Yes, Connie talked some sense into them, but we didn’t need to waste time having White Diamond and the others bitch about something everyone who isn’t a toesucking simp should’ve figured out at that point. Not like it mattered, the Diamonds and Spinel never show up after this episode anyways, so good job making them count for something, I guess. This as well as minorly acknowledge the fact that the gems had a lot to do with Steven’s mental trauma because hey, we don’t have to hold these gems too accountable for child neglect. Speaking of which, where was Jasp- This plays well into my previous point, we aren’t shown what Steven was gonna do as a monster, so what else is the episode to do beyond holding him back in time to just make the characters go “All is lost” for one second before getting back up like this is Marvel’s Captain Driftwood?

Friendship is Magic had this type of moment in its penultimate finale but in that, more time was given to show the villains getting the upper hand, Twilight at her low point, her turnaround with her friends, and the lead in charge to defeat the villains. While some moments felt convenient and downright insulting, they made the most of their limit. The same can’t be said for this and it makes no sense. Speaking of things that make no sense:

Was this shapeshifting or corruption? Rushing or dragging? This personally bothers me because people are saying he shapeshifted even when they were also on board with him corrupting. But what was the point where monster Steven cums cries into the ocean turning it pink?

Now if Steven got himself corrupted, this would make sense since the three Diamonds are there with so fully turning him back to normal wouldn’t be an issue. Questions would arise about how corruption can happen to a human, then again this is Steven Universe, fans never really wanted you to ask questions. But if this was shapeshifting, then why have this permanent monster form? It would’ve made a little more sense of Steven changing his shape depending on his emotions, like what we’ve seen before. Additionally, Steven should have been capable of talking normally instead of roaring and growling like he switched brains with an actual animal. Just because he kinned Godzilla’s joystick doesn’t mean he was unable to speak to anybody, that is if he shapeshifted. Lastly, and this is more implicit than my previous points:

This season shouldn’t have tried tacking mental issues and trauma onto this dickslap of a climax. I’m on the side where we should’ve seen more from monster Steven, but what does this tell me for the topic of mental health? Nearly killing people on three separate occasions didn’t help, but having him transform into a near mindless beast is a backhanded way to convey post traumatic stress. Let me put it this way, if we didn’t get that episode where we learn Steven had held up trauma and stress from Doctor Priyanka, everything surrounding it afterward wouldn’t feel as fucked up as it did. Yes, understanding a root of a character’s problems is good, beneficial even, but having your character nearly, sporadically, commit MURDER THREE TIMES only to then have him become a wildin’ creature does nothing, if not disgust. It's disgusting when you talk about PTS one minute and have your main character be socially dangerous the next. You’d feel sorry for him, sure, but I gotta say nearly killing people is not something we should just hand wave. That is not a good or realistic depiction of depression and post traumatic stress; especially when you trying to discuss this with children. And don’t try to justify it by saying it was necessary for his downward spiral. Having to think and see death before my own eyes in real life, there should’ve been a better way to make Steven hit rock bottom without putting other’s lives on the line. It wasn’t compelling or resonating to see him become a witless creature after saying he could get away with anything, it felt jarringly hallow and teeth gritting sadistic to think this was acceptable. It took him turning into a literal creature to finally go to therapy or a throwaway line about therapy in this show’s case? Are you kidding me?

The hug is a nice moment on its own, but it took far too many kneecaps to get to this point and think it’s believably or justly earned. I can make fun of the monster design all I want, but what they put Steven through to get to this point is the most insulting writing I ever have to think about. Because you know what that hug told me, personally? It’s that you can commit near irrefutable atrocities, you can behave like a blithering rampaging beast all you wish, but that won’t matter. Because you’re valid and your people will love you. That is not only asinine, but it kinda pissed on what I went through growing up. Like, as idealistic as that felt, it didn’t add up because it made the mentally unstable come off as more unstable than they mostly are. You can disagree all you want with this, it won’t change the baffling fact that I came to this conclusion in the first place when I didn’t want to. “But the crew said in an interv-” NO, just nope. If the message the show gives is this polarizing for those that invested or were concerned with it, maybe the message wasn’t clear enough, who knows? I can believe Mr. Rogers never fucked this up when he made his show. I tried thinking of this differently, but I can’t excuse what they did and how they did it. Bojack Horseman never pulled this with its main lead and when it truly did, that was given more time to sort out; not an 11 minute epilogue in its final moments. The hug was nice, but this episode was trash.

Speaking of which, next time...

We Finally Look to the Future

Here’s Part 2, if you’re up.

[thejudgingtrash]

I wanna hear the Dom/sub discourse!!! Also love ur blog :) (I personally am a proponent of dom percy just bc I like that idea but I’d love to hear yours!!! I didnt even know there was discourse!) love to hear your thoughts and again super cool blog!!!! :’)

* ALSO WOULD LIKE TO CLARIFY IF IT WASNT ALREADY ESTABLISHED BUT ONLLLLLLY IF THEY ARE LIKE IN THEIR OLDER 20S!!!! ppl doing that in the context of teens is *gross* (previous anon who sent in the ask before) :)

Oh! Thank you for the compliments. I’m still not used at being so visible now to people 🥺😥😅

Good that you’ve added your points because that essentially brings down my issues with this whole spiel. I guess I’m going to play the other card. My main issues with this whole thing are:

A) the fandom sexualizing kids

B) people not understanding that looks/behavior in or outside of a (romantic) relationship don’t necessarily have to correlate with sexual behavior, especially when powerplay is involved

Of course Percy is easier to grasp for us. We have five whole books where we hear his every thought, follow his every move and think we get to know him (that automatically makes Percy not a reliable narrator, just saying).

For every book quote that puts Percy into the „Dom“ slot, there’s also a book quote that would be fitting for Annabeth (the dance from TTC comes to my mind). I can see both going either way. Despite them having mostly different personalities (Percy internalizing his thoughts and motives, whereas Annabeth is doing rather the opposite), they are very similar when it comes to leadership and end goals. Annabeth can range from emotional to bossy in a similar way Percy does. They just express themselves on different levels and get seen by outsiders in different ways.

Did you catch that? Did you see the hypocrisy that I just committed? We are using book quotes to justify placing characters that are in that context and in overall canon minors/teens/essentially fucking children in sexualized categories. Tbh, as much flag as you can give Riordan, I can’t blame him for blocking people who do this. Not every author is a fan of fanfiction and fan theory and what not.

People throwing these BSDM terms around without a second thought makes me cringe (tbh, I’m too lazy to explain the psychology of power play and kinks in that regard, just know that the instigator is not automatically the top/dom and there are many, many, many layers in a pp relationship). You cannot base sexual behavior from the canon itself. We know nothing about Percy and Annabeth in that regard to even justify the slightest. Ripping actions out of context to give them a label doesn’t work like that so easily unfortunately.

The only way to settle this question for once and all would be by simply doing this:

The whole debate that happened months/weeks ago (quarantine makes everything blurry in my memory) was just fucking stupid?

Imagine being a 15 year old, anxious, frightened girl. You’ve been deeply traumatized since you’ve been seven years old, you’re scared to death because you have a crush on your best friend and think he might perish (newsflash: of course you as the reader can foreshadow that in that context the series goes on. The characters can’t as they lack that specific insight. Percy didn’t have to wind up dead in the books, but he could have been severely mutilated, gone missing (guess he did later), bruised, etc. apart from his mental struggles. The super power part is essentially the only thing that’s keeping him alive), you give him a kiss because you’re too shy to admit your feelings for him and he’s being an awkward cheeky bastard before looking for a fight and then some adult asshole has the caucasity of calling you a bratty sub. Literally what.

Some anon (or a group of anons, don’t know which) contacted a bunch of people with that Dom!Percy and Sub!Annabeth stuff. Anon, Liebste, homegirl, my love, mija, if you see this please slide into the DMs because whaddefuck? Your thought process hotdamn. Where did you pick this up? Let’s be open about this discussion. You didn’t go from A to B, you went from A to Z and robbed Jeff Bezos on the way out. I mean what???

People using canon to justify their headcanons is simply something I can’t get behind in this matter. The main issues is that they are children/teens/minors in canon. There is no way around it. Trying to justify/back up some of your thoughts in that regard with actual quotes only makes it worse because you aren’t only sexualizing them in your fanon, but you are also automatically transferring these thoughts to the actual books and thus fore sexualizing them in canon. You’re changing the basis and narrative.

I honestly don’t get the obsession that some have with their teenage sex life? This isn’t a personal attack on people but I’ve seen this throughout several group chats and social media platforms like Twitter, Reddit, Pinterest even and of course Tumblr. And popular stuff like Riverdale, Euphoria, 13 Reasons Why and New Adult Twilight rip-offs á la Shades of Grey and that Harry Styles fanfic honestly don’t help with the portrayal of „curious“ teens.

This also isn’t a strict PJO phenomenon, it happens across all fandoms. The odd trend with sexualizing kids/teens or things intended for kids has been going on for ages. I get it, you grow out of the related audience but that doesn’t justify the means? Canon won’t change simply because you do.

Percy and Annabeth are awkward teens that have never dated anyone else and had barely half a year between pjo and hoo before getting caught up in another mess. I’m not saying that teens aren’t curious and don’t experiment, some do drugs and/or have sex (let’s be real the probability of something happening in the stable scene in MOA is very high) but still? Putting dom/sub labels on them is sketchyyy. Also throw your fucking sex god headcanons out of the motherfucking window. They are 17-ish, if you need the mental image of some weird kids flopping on top of each other for two whole minutes for some odd reason, good for you but I’m side eying the fuck outta you.

You can’t really blame Riordan for not being more explicit. A) the series is for middle schoolers (aka kids), so it’s not strictly Young Adult and there’s only so much you can do B) publishers/editors interfering is a thing (especially with society’s views of sex = bad and violence = just fine) and c) the probability of sexualizing the characters of his own creation in that sense might have made him uncomfortable. Better to play safe, than end up with a bigger mess, just saying. I’m all for the sex talk in a non-berating, (slightly) educational approach when it comes to that in non-adult literature. Or even just stating a sex scene in a mere sentence. (Karen M. McManus did an amazing job with portraying struggling teens with a right approach in One of Us is Lying. Stating it or making it very, very, very clear between the lines. Then again, not everyone can pull that off or wants to go in that direction).

In addition to that, seeing stuff like the infamous ”the sea doesn’t like to be restrained“ or ”Percy has handsome features which shifted from humor to anger“ quotes getting constantly shredded is so… Meh. One simple question: what does Percy having a mean resting bitch face to do with his sexuality/sexual behavior? What does him being annoyed and on the moodier side have to do with it? For me absolutely nothing. The correlation isn’t really clear and out there. Pissed Percy doesn’t translate into Percy automatically being the dominant (in Percabeth’s sex life)?

I mean I get it. We all grow up. Erotica is a wonderful genre and art form (if you waddle through the trash). You will never be able to get that out of fiction and fanfiction. That’s also neither my goal nor my place to decide. As cheap and stupid as it is, I’d rather have people intentionally aging the characters up and stating their headcanons in that regard rather than people attempting to abuse canon where the characters are minors in order for sexualizing them. There’s no good way to prevent this from happening unfortunately (unless you really want to abolish all explicit fanon stuff).

Whenever you post a sexy headcanon just hold on for a second. If you have abstract future headcanons sure, go ahead, personally don’t see a problem with that. But if you use source material to fixate your thoughts on minors in canon to give them sexual labels… I urge you to seriously rethink that.

Stop sexualizing minors. Please. Pretty please.

Peace