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inamindfarfaraway · 1 year

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The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals Pitch Meeting

[Should be experienced imagining the voice and acting of Ryan George, who is linked to above.]

Producer Guy: So, you have a musical for me?

Screenwriter Guy: Yes sir, I do. It’s called The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals because the main character, Paul Matthews, doesn’t like musicals.

PD: He doesn’t?

SG: No, he can’t stand them. Watching one is his own personal hell. And that isn’t a throwaway quirk, it comes up several times and is integral to the plot.

PD: Isn’t the protagonist typically meant to be relatable to the audience?

SG: Yeah.

PD: And won’t the audience be full of people who like musicals?

SG: Yeah.

PG: Bit of a weird choice, but okay then. So other than the musical thing, what’s Paul like?

SG: Oh, not much.

PG: What?

SG: Yeah, he’s the most average, boring, white middle-class American everyman you can imagine. No desires, ambitions or hobbies; he never expresses much passion for anything except things he doesn’t like. He has an office job at a company that’s so generic, I didn’t even think of what it does. He’s not particularly nice either. Like, when his best friend Bill asks him to help him reconnect with his teenage daughter Alice, he refuses to avoid his own discomfort despite having nothing else to do. And when his other friend Charlotte right next to him is clearly upset because she’s in a miserable marriage to a neglectful, cheating husband, he doesn’t bother to comfort her.

PG: Isn’t the protagonist typically meant to be likeable and interesting?

SG: Yeah, but we’re not gonna do that I decided. So another important character is Emma Perkins, this barista Paul has a crush on. She’s the only reason he keeps going to this crappy café.

PG: And what’s her deal? Is she kind and friendly to balance out Paul being so apathetic?

SG: No, she’s also rude, but she has better reasons for it. She hates her job and has really annoying, mean coworkers her boss favours over her, who just won’t shut up about how great musical theatre is. They all love it so much that there’s a new rule that if they get tipped, they have to perform a whole song and dance routine.

PG: But working for every tip negates the point of a tip!

SG: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I said, it's a crappy café.

PG: I gotta say, though, you’re presenting musical fans in quite a negative light there. They are the people whose money we want.

SG: (aside) You haven’t seen anything yet. Anyway, Emma and Paul bond over not liking things and people - it’s cute. But then at the end of the day, a meteor crashes down in a big storm and lands right in the town’s theatre, which is putting on a musical. And the meteor turns out to have evil alien life inside it!

PG: Oh my God. What happens to everyone in that theatre?

SG: Well, it’s offstage, but we find out later that the alien works by taking over your body like a virus and killing you to use you as a vessel for its hive mind. So that probably happens to most of the people. Bill and Alice get out okay, but a lot of people are dead now.

PG: This escalated very quickly!

SG: Yeah, this show does that. It’s a horror comedy; it’s like a sitcom where anyone could brutally die. But here’s the thing: the alien hive mind makes the Infected sing and dance like they’re in a musical, so all the fun, catchy songs are actually it controlling people’s corpses. That’s how everyone knows the lyrics and can move in time to music nobody’s playing. You only hear the music if you’re Infected. And it spreads really fast, so this mindless musical obsession could literally destroy humanity!

PG: That’s so dark and tonally dissonant. But I have concerns about the villain essentially being a living musical, in a musical. Won’t that kinda alienate the audience? As in ‘make them not like it’, not ‘make them aliens’.

SG: No, it’ll be fun. The first song after the intro is very entertaining. There’s this really funny part with a silly, crazy homeless guy.

PG: Ah, yes. Making fun of the homeless and mentally ill is tight!

SG: Not what I… (moving on) and, and, we can cleverly parody musical tropes. For example, Paul’s boss tries to get him to sing an “I Want” song because the Hive want him to be the protagonist of their ‘musical’, but he doesn’t want anything so he’s a terrible protagonist.

PG: Oh, that was on purpose! I thought you were just a bad writer.

SG: Yeah, no, I’m setting up an arc. So the Hive take over most of the town - which is on a island and the bridge gets pulled up, so there’s no way off - including Emma’s café. But she escapes with Paul and they meet his friends from work, plus this obnoxious asshole Charlotte’s cheating with called Ted, who's the worst. But then the Infected police show up, including Charlotte’s husband Sam. She begs him to snap him out of it ‘cause she still loves him, but he pulls a gun on her.

PG: Oh no.

SG: Fortunately, Ted knocks him out.

PG: Oh, good.

SG: But he hits him too hard and his brain falls out!

PG: Wait, even putting aside how unlikely it is that his flesh and skull were broken open wide enough that his whole brain could fall out, isn’t the brain… attached? That’s a very implausible injury.

SG: I’m gonna need you to get all the way off my back about that.

PG: Well, okay then.

SG: So Charlotte has a mental breakdown and Emma suggests they go to her biology professor, Henry Hidgens. He’s an eccentric doomsday survivalist who somehow predicted this exact incredibly specific apocalyptic situation and has a huge house with top-notch security. And he's a biologist, so he might be able to study the alien infection if they bring him Sam.

PG: It’ll be hard to get there safely with the town swarming with alien zombies, especially carrying a dead man.

SG: Actually, it’ll be super easy, barely an inconvenience.

PG: Oh, really?

SG: That part just happens offstage.

PG: So they get to shelter?

SG: They do, so they start to relax for a bit. Except Charlotte, she’s dying inside and stays with her tied-up dead husband. Bill and Ted have this funny argument where Bill threatens to kick Ted’s head, which, you know, is a stupid threat.

PG: It is?

SG: Yeah, because you’d have to kick really high and most people can’t do that.

PG: I thought you would just push the person to the ground with your arms and then kick their head. Most people can do that.

SG: True.

PG: And it would be highly effective. You could kill someone that way.

SG: (getting an idea) You could, couldn’t you? (writes that down)

PG: What are you writing?

SG: Nevermind. Emma and Paul have a nice heart-to-heart where she reveals her backstory. Turns out she had a sister, Jane, who lived a great life, dream job, true love, kid, everything, while Emma left home at eighteen and travelled around being aimless and irresponsible. But then last year Jane died and that’s why Emma came back and is studying, to try to do something with her life now that Jane can’t anymore.

PG: Aw, that’s sad.

SG: Even a zany horror sitcom has its serious moments. So she and Paul bond some more, until Charlotte and Sam burst in.

PG: Wait, what?

SG: The Hive made her think he’d come back to life and manipulated her into letting him go. Then he just killed her.

PG: Dick move.

SG: Massive dick move! So now Ted gets beaten up by the possessed corpse of the woman he loves, after the last things he said to her were mean because he’s the worst. Fortunately, Hidgens kills the zombies.

PG: Oh, good.

SG: But Alice calls Bill and she’s under attack at her school!

PG: Oh no.

SG: If Bill goes to save her alone he’ll almost definitely die. But Paul volunteers to go with him.

PG: So he won’t be nice to his friends in everyday life, but he will risk his life for them?

SG: Precisely, this is really bringing out his inner hero. But when they get there, Alice is already Infected. She sings a whole song about what a terrible father Bill is and he's so guilty that he failed her that he tries to kill himself with the gun they brought. Fortunately, Paul takes the gun off him.

PG: Oh, good.

SG: But he drops it on the ground, so Alice just shoots Bill herself.

PG: Oh my God! Why did he let go of the gun? That was a very poor decision!

SG: Extremely poor, yes. Alice nearly kills Paul too, but the army rescue him. Specifically this secret special unit that I made up called PEIP that deals with supernatural stuff like magic and aliens that most people don't know about. They're ordered to kill everyone to keep the weird stuff secret, but the leader, General John MacNamara, is a good person so he doesn't do that.

PG: So he lets Paul live?

SG: He does, and he sends a helicopter to take him and Emma off the island.

PG: Paul tells him about Emma?

SG: Uh-huh. He realizes that he's in love and finally does want something: to be with her.

PG: Cool, cool, cool.

SG: Meanwhile, Hidgens and Emma are studying the Infected. Emma theorizes that if the brain of the Hive is in the meteor, they could take out all of them by destroying it.

PG: Is that true?

SG: There's no reason it couldn't be! But Hidgens changes his mind about the Hive being evil, knocks Emma out and ties her and Ted up. Then he opens his house's gates because he wants the Hive to get in.

PG: Why does he think the Hive isn't evil?

SG: Well, he's thinking that since humans are so immoral and harmful we're killing the planet and each other constantly anyway, but the Hive will bring peace and harmony. And he loves musicals.

PG: Oh, he does?

SG: Yeah, he's even written his own awful one, and he plays a song he wrote and composed to lure the Infected inside. He's willing to die and doom humanity for his twisted, irrational love of musical theatre.

PG: Really slamming your audience again. Hey, why wasn't he at the musical the theatre just put on?

SG: I don't know.

PG: Fair enough.

SG: So Paul comes back, frees Emma and Ted and they escape, but General MacNamara kills Ted because the soldiers are Infected now!

PG: And this is all onstage?

SG: Yes.

PG: Then it's gonna be hard to get past a division of fit, armed zombie soldiers who can survive not even having brains in their heads.

SG: No, it isn't. Emma shoots MacNamara in the shoulder and that makes him just give up.

PG: What about all the other soldiers?

SG: Please ignore them.

PG: Okay.

SG: So Paul and Emma get to the helicopter and think they've made it, but the pilot is Emma's mean coworker from earlier and makes them crash.

PG: Why is she Emma's coworker and not just the army pilot, if the Hive got there first?

SG: Because.

PG: That works. Are they okay after the crash?

SG: Paul is, but Emma's too hurt to walk. Paul says they should find a boat -

PG: Wait. There are boats? Or does Paul just think there might be?

SG: I have more notes on this town and it has a boating society, so there are boats.

PG: Then why haven't the Infected got in the boats and gone to mainland? Shouldn't they have done that by now?

SG:

SG: ...You're right. I didn't think about the implications. Oh my God, I didn't think about it!

PG: Whoops!

SG: Whoopsie! So anyway, Emma tells him her theory and he goes to blow up the meteor with a grenade.

PG: But then he could die, and right when he actually cares about something. That is heroic. Do he and Emma have a touching maybe-last goodbye?

SG: Kinda. They try to kiss, but she coughs up blood in his face. The Hive knows Paul is coming and lets him in order to infect him. He does his best to resist its control, but it makes him sing and dance and have an existential crisis.

PG: Oh no.

SG: But at the last possible moment, he pulls the pin, blows up the meteor and saves the day!

PG: Wow, wow, wow. Wow.

SG: So we cut to two weeks later. Everyone else in the town is dead, but Emma was saved by the army reinforcements and she's getting out of hospital on the mainland and ready to start a new life.

PG: Well, at least she survived and the Hive is defeated. That's what Paul wanted. But it's still a shame he died.

SG: That's what Emma thinks... until he walks in!

PG: (excited) What?

SG: Yeah, he's okay and he gives her this soft smile and she's the happiest we've ever seen her and they hug.

PG: That's such a sweet ending. After everything they've been through, getting to be happy together feels earned, and I really have warmed up to them both.

SG: And then Paul starts singing.

[Beat. Producer Guy's relieved expression turns to confusion, shock, sorrow and horror as he processes that information and its implications. He stares at Screenwriter Guy, betrayed.]

PG: But that means he's... (SG nods, proud of himself) and Emma's theory was wrong, and... (SG nods again) the Hive is on the mainland now, so the entire world is... (SG nods again) oh, a very depressing ending!

SG: Set to a very cheerful song! The cast even stay in-character for the bows; the Infected bow while Emma screams and cries and begs the audience for help before being dragged away. So what do you think?

PG: That ending will haunt my dreams. But as creative as the premise is and as emotional as it gets later on, I don't know if this will be that big of a hit. The tone changes so fast and jarringly, the main characters aren't that likeable at first and it all just seems pretty niche. And it spends so much time mocking its own genre and audience. I can see it becoming a cult classic, but I don’t think you’ll be able to launch a series with it or anything.

#this is probably way too detailed because i don't know how to edit #i also genuinely didn't realize the boat plot hole until now #emma's 'you were right. i didn't think about the implications. oh my god i didn't think about it!'#tried to get ryan's distinctive dialogue style right #the guy who didn't like musicals #tgwdlm #hatchetfield #team starkid #starkid #pitch meeting #pitch meetings #ryan george #long post #very long post

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pinkandpurple360 · 4 months

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[PDJ anon] that's a fair read tbh! I think a lot of us wanted to think the show was doing more with Stolas than it has but it's just gotten worse n worse. he could have been an excellent villain or antagonist, or an interesting character study of a deeply flawed noble struggling to be better than the last generation & right now he's neither

and you're totally right - Stolas has been like three different characters at this point, maybe even five if you count the instas

1 pilot Stolas - fairly flat joke character but does actually feel like a demon lord. worst he does is call Blitzo and get, uh, overenthusiastic on the phone

2 murder family Stolas - retains the demon lord demeanour and speech patterns, escalates to trapping Blitzo in a deal for sex. stone cold predator out to get laid

3 rest of S1 Stolas - not a great father tbh but wants to be one. complicated home life. has some dimension outside of just wanting sex but still objectifies and demeans Blitzo. deeply flawed but interesting and not entirely let off the hook by the story

4 S2 Stolas - never did anything wrong in his life. If someone thinks he wronged them, no he didn't. Blitzo led him on, apparently; it's not his fault he was duped into coercing a lower class demon into sex they couldn't refuse! sad wet cat

insta Stolas - the closest to a decent person Stolas has ever gotten. flirts with Blitzo but doesn't push it. actually knows the names of the rest of IMP and gives a darn about both them and Blitzo's interests. has movie nights and probably the occasional consensual casual hookup w/Blitzo. actually teaches his daughter magic once in a while

it's hard for anyone to know what they're supposed to think of Stolas at this point tbh. Idk if PDJ minds his lyrics being changed or his song being used to essentially promote stol/tz. he always thanks people for their support so I suspect he was just happy to have eyes on his music. I feel bad for him, though. idk if he still likes what HB has turned into but he deserved more than to have his name buried at the end of the credits. He wrote it! His song Liquid Gold for Lackadaisy had his name right front and centre in both the title and desc. Wouldn't have killed Viv to do the same. at least he's doing bigger n better things these days

(side note, good point that Blitzo could have easily been seducing Stolas to get out of his room alive. his confidence noticeably comes back when he figures he can take control of the situation; before that he's tense and even scared)

Thank you paranoid DJ for putting your talent and skills towards this project, you deserved full credit and unedited lyrics. I’ll check out liquid gold soon! Plus Ringleader was his best Helluva song by far, it was intense and it hit hard. But thankfully fizz doesn’t hate Blitzø that much, or their story would be very cut and dry.

I feel like one way this could be salvaged is if they took his substance abuse issues seriously. Those mood stabilisers that he abuses are supposed to suppress unhappiness, they might even give him a high. So when he’s on those at a normal dose, maybe he’s personality 3, he’s a super gentle kind loving father, he can get through the day, he doesn’t devolve. But when he is in withdrawal or ODs that’s when he starts obsessively “loving” blitz and needing to see him and nobody else, because he can get an adrenaline high from him, guilt free.

The best stolas is 100% the 3rd personality, with the occasionally delve into the 2nd one when nobody is around but the imps.

You just can’t write personalities 1 through 3, then get 4 out of nowhere, and pretend he was actually personality 5 all along. What the hell?

The Instagram guy sounds nice but that’s nothing like the canon and it’s too late to pretend it is. In fact I’m starting to think having an Instagram cast and a canon cast alongside each other was a bad decision. Especially if they are this inconsistent. Because now the only justification we have for his behaviour is inserting stuff from the non canon instagrams. Offscreen from our canon. Not to mention the silly insert of phone pictures and texts. For crying out loud have them discuss Ozzies in person not via text?? Text that nobody can read without pausing??

I cant name a single person in the fandom who was happy with that decision.

I think the most interesting route that could be taken was to have 2 be his dark side that introduces conflict and, his kindness towards Via just makes him a villain with a kind layer. It gives blitz a bigger reason to not just kill him, he’s conflicted that a family man can act like this badly. Even the most racist nastiest people are super gentle and kind to the people they select to be good enough for it. This also opens the door for more Octavia importance, she could be someone between the commoner and wealthy classes. Nothing about her screams royal at all.

Last point like—literally! The whole scene was horrible to watch and the fact they met one time as kids makes it plain disgusting to me. Like why is stolas sexualising this guy who has been a child in his mind this whole time? LooLoo land was the perfect opportunity for them to have met as adults and mention the book. It even works better in the timeline. Blitz leaves the theme park to become an assassin instead. And here’s how - steal that book. Idk it’s just weird. And having Paimon buy Blitzo like he’s nothing, just because stolas feels sad, is unforgivable to me.

“I recall how you like making an entrance 😏” you mean whe—-when he was practically a baby..? When he made a balloon horsey and was 7 at the oldest? That’s sexy to you?

#helluva boss critical

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sugawhaaa · 1 year

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Sk8ter Boi

Gaon x reader

Genre~ high-school AU, fluff, rom com vibes

Warnings: cringe ;-; (aka there's not really any but if you spot one notify me)

Notes: this is clearly based on the song sk8ter Boi by Avril Lavine. Recently I've been listening to that song a lot and just some ideas sparked from it 👍 it's definitely not 100% what the song is by its just the general idea. Also once again this is proof read but I can't read so there's probably quite a few mistakes.

Chapter 1 "He was boy, she was a girl"

"Finally that horrid class is over," your best friend Amira said as you and your friend group walked out of the main school doors. It was late May so at least the weather was nice but exam season was coming very soon. As you and your friends walked down the staircase you heard the sound of skateboard wheels on concrete.

"Are those punks at it again" your other friend growled. All your friends started complaining about this group of punks in your school. They all wore baggy jeans and black and red sweaters with holes in them. Their hair is long and messy but most of all it was like their whole lives revolved around skateboarding and bullying your friend group. You and your friends all did ballet and all are straight A "girlie girls" who wore loads of makeup and crop tops with plaid pajama pants. Well you were the least girlie out of all of them but they still loved you as a friend.

"Can you guys go away!" Amira went up to them. The long haired one just skated really close to her before turning sharply making her jump and yelp. The skater boy just laughed at her.

"We're not doing anything wrong" The orange haired punk came over to you and your friends. He was wearing a wool sweater that was red, white and orange. His pants were baggy dark jeans that slightly covered the tops of his vans. From the very limited information you knew about these guys you were pretty sure his name was Gunil. While Gunil and the long haired one argued with your friends, all the other boys just kept skating around the concrete sidewalks around your school.

"Hey Cherry let's just leave them be, it's not like they're hurting anyone" you said putting your hand on your friends shoulder.

"No they do this everyday I'm sick of it! They take up the whole courtyard!" Cherry yelled back. Cherry's the type of person that says what's on her mind and isn't afraid to get into a fight or two. Her name is not actually Cherry though. Her birth name is Chaitali, but she hates it and thinks it's dumb. So ever since she cut her hair to a little bit below her jawline and dyed her hair red everyone calls her Cherry.

"Jeez, someone's got a temper" the long haired boy teased. His outfit wasn't much different from the others honestly. The only difference was that the holes in his pants were MASSIVE and he wore a purple tank top instead of a long sleeved shirt.

"I'll show you temper!" Cherry growled as she stomped to get closer to the boys. Just as she was about to raise her fist, one of the boys shouted

"Easy there Apple face!" This boy had long black hair that was dyed red at the tips. His outfit was probably the weirdest amongst them all. A weird scarf and a patterned shirt that didn't match anything paired with some baggy jeans and converse.

"Apple face!?" Cherry shouted back

"Yeah you're one to talk, you can't even put an outfit together" Amira snapped back.

"I don't think anything can go with that horrid scarf anyways" another girl snickered. At that comment the boy looked shocked before looking down at the ground, clearly very upset. That's when you decided to leave, get away from all the arguing and walk home. You could still hear the boys saying stuff like "Oh run away you chicken!" "You start the fight then walk away, yeah that makes sense" and they kept laughing. You ignored them of course and just went on your merry way.

Once you got home all the girls were chatting on snap about how annoying the boys were but you refused to talk to them and instead you got ready for ballet class. You stuck on some music and started rocking out as you packed your bag. Then you realized you were running a little late so you rushed downstairs and your mom was already prepared to get in the car. You and your mom got in the car and drove to the dance studio.

Ballet class went as normal (the girls still complaining about the punks) and so was the rest of your evening. You ate dinner, studied and did some writing and aimless scrolling on tiktok. As you got into bed you lay there thinking about the boys. They weren't that bad, and the scarf boy looked so upset when Kayla insulted his scarf. Though there was nothing you could do about it now and tomorrow was an exciting day so you decided to dream about tomorrow. Tomorrow you and your friends decided to go have a picnic at a park nearby and after you finish lunch you all planned to get ice cream together.

°○°○°○°○°○°○time skip°○°○°○°○°○°○°

You woke up nice and refreshed after a great sleep and even better you remembered that today was the picnic day! You ate breakfast and passed the time by looking through your phone. You then realized it was time to get ready. You excitedly got out an outfit. You wore a strawberry dress with thick socks that went just above your ankles and put your hair into a bow

The park you were going to was walking distance so you told your mom you were heading out and started walking to the park. A picnic basket in hand. You were all giddy giddy smiling as you walked down the sidewalk. That's when you ran into your friend Amira. She had a backpack with her.(most likely filled with snacks and a blanket)

"Amira!" You called out to her jogging up to her. You complimented each other's outfits and shared your excitement about the hangout. It wasn't long before you ran into Cherry who was ironically wearing a cherry themed outfit. You three chatted before you arrived at the park. You couldn't spot anyone else you had invited so the three of you decided to set up the blanket and food. That's when Kayla showed up in a summery dress, followed by Kamsi who wore a long yellow dress. Once everyone arrived you all dug in. It was honestly a blast and the food was delicious. That's when something just had to go wrong.

"Awe look at this" a purple haired boy came over to your picnic spot. No doubt he was one of the skater boys from your school.

"Having a little picnic girlies" another boy came over. He had short pink hair and wore the usual baggy tank top and baggy shorts.

"Ugh do you guys ever mind your own business" Kayla groaned. Hardly even looking at them. The boys just laughed.

"Do you guys ever stop annoying us and acting like stuck up snobs?" The pink haired one teased.

"Do you guys ever act your age!?" Kayla stood up with her fists clenched. The boys just laughed at her anger.

"Look she's even cuter when she's mad" the pink haired one pointed at her laughing. That's when Kayla snapped and went to go at them. Everyone started freaking out when she started pulling his hair. Kamsi started pulling Kayla off him. You just stood there in shock. Why did they always have to fight? Why can't they just leave each other alone.

"Alright that's enough guys," Amira said calmly and all the girls relaxed.

"Jeez that kittens got claws," the pink haired one said, rubbing his head to ease the pain. That's when Cherry stood up and walked over to the pink boy. She raised her right arm with all her fingers fully extended. She winded her arm back and slapped him across the face as hard as possible. The sound of her hand coming in contact with his face echoed throughout the park.

"Go away or next time I'll use my fist" Cherry said, holding a fist up to the boys. The pink one tsked before walking away with the purple haired one. "Anyways, where were we?" Cherry said, dusting off her dress and sitting back down.

"Wow, that was amazing Cherry! They actually went away" Kayla cheered. They all praised Cherry and you were happy yourself that they left you alone. You sighed in relief and took a sip of your ramune.

After the whole incident it was about 3pm so you and your friends decided to pack up and get some ice cream, but on your way over Kayla spotted a shop and said she wanted to look around. It was very clearly a tourist spot but she still found things to buy. After a while she spotted more and more shops and you started to have fun. You got a Keychain of a little duck and found an anime pin. Then you found a field that had a lot of Pokémon according to your friends and they started playing Pokémon go.

After way too long you finally got your ice cream and decided to eat out at one of their picnic tables. It was quite the sight. The sun was setting and it looked beautiful sparkling across the ocean. After finishing your cone you were getting ready to head out when you had to use the bathroom. You told the girls to go on ahead without you.

"Are you sure? We can wait, you know" Amira smiled.

"It's okay you guys gotta catch the city bus I can just walk home" you smiled heading into the bathroom.

"Okay," Amira shrugged

"See you later,"

"This was fun"

"Bye bye!"

All the girls called out as they walked back to the sidewalk. When you were in the bathroom this old woman started randomly talking to you as you were washing your hands. At first she complimented your dress before going on a long rant about strawberries. She met her husband in a strawberry field? Her first husband, she corrected. You just smiled and nodded. Before drying your hands. She followed and told you about her grandchildren. Not really knowing what to do you just kept smiling and nodding and responded with short answers like "mhm" "I see" "yeah" after she was done ranting she went out of the bathroom and you followed. She turned to the right and you turned to the left, but you looked back at her thinking about how weird and awkward that encounter was. You weren't watching where you were going and that's when you bumped into someone. You started apologizing when you opened your eyes to see that very familiar scarf. The one that one of the skater boys wears. You backed up and looked at him in the face.

"It's okay don't worry about it," He smiled with pink cheeks.

#xdh imagines #xdh smut #xdinari hero fanfic #xdinary heroes #kpop #kwak jiseok #xh gaon #xdh x reader #xdh fluff #xdh #xdinary heroes fluff

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thekoopalingsandstuffs · 8 months

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☆RANDOM HEAD-CANONS I CAME UP WITH RECENTLY☆

Jr has a light British-sounding accent. His great grandpa was from a kingdom that no longer exists, and took over the Darklands after his place was destroyed. Kamek, Bowser, and Jr are the only living people to have such an accent. It's gotten weaker with each generation, so Kamek's is super strong while Jr's is barely detectable

All of the Koopalings' tails wag for specific reasons (Happiness, anger, fear, horniness, pain, distraction, during sleep, etc.) But nobody knows exactly what Jr's tail wags for. It seems to just wag whenever

Despite being a mini bad-ass who doesn't seem to have any fears, Lemmy is terrified of little kids. (AKA his own fellow classmates) Outside of Jr and Motley, Lemmy has no friends his own age

Lemmy usually wears girl shells because they have lots of pockets on the inside. What does he store in those pockets, you ask?... Knives.

Larry is red-green colorblind. He often forgets this, but will still get into arguments with people over what color something is. Also, he first started hating Ludwig when everyone was picking out what wands they wanted. Larry wanted blue (Because it's one of the only colors he can see) But Ludwig took it. Larry is still bitter to this day.

Larry has a high pain intolerance due to getting beat and thrown out windows by his siblings and followers for so long

Morton was adopted and raised with the rest of the Koopalings. He got adopted at a young age and has almost no memories of his original family. But he still occasionally fantasizes about meeting them someday

Morton has a very strong case of people-pleasing. He will accept any task anyone asks of him, no matter how impossible it seems, and has been known to work hours on end, putting his own needs aside to get stuff done, even if it absolutely is not necessary. He will become very upset, breaking down and frantically apologizing, if he fails at something. Even when he's sick or has a serious injury, he'll get up and finish his work

Wendy has extreme resting bitch face. If she were to look shocked or surprised, you'd see that her eyes are perfect circles, just like Morton's and Ludwig's. (Roy's are the same way, but they'll probably never be shown)

Nobody knows how the Koopalings' dad died. Except for Wendy. She was with him when he began to have a stroke. Instead of getting help, Wendy ran away and hid because the sight scared her younger self. She thinks that his death is entirely her fault, and it's a secret that she will take to her grave

The rings around Iggy's pupils are a super rare genetic trait, inherited from his father. Iggy actually has a lot of the same features and mannerisms that his dad had, thus why he was his favorite child. After the Koopalings' father died, Iggy kept and learned to play his accordion. Him and Ludwig occasionally like to play duets (Both playing instruments and singing) of the old songs their parents used to sing together. The most common to do is Vera Lynn's We'll Meet Again

Iggy loves sugar, but absolutely hates chocolate and anything resembling it. He also refuses to eat any bird meat (Chicken, turkey, duck, etc.) Due to a "Very traumatic case of food poisoning" he got from some as a kid

Ludwig finds accents VERY attractive. If there's a character in a movie with an accent of any kind, they are immediately his favorite character. He also loves it when Peasley flirts with him in French. It doesn't matter that Ludwig has no clue what's being said--He LOVES it!!

Luddy has a very large closet. Among clothes, multiple sets of bedding, and towels, he has held onto every single gift that anyone has ever given him all throughout the blog and kept it in there

Under Roy's bed, there's a secret stash of energy drinks. Every single brand you've ever heard of is under there. Nobody knows about this stash. Not even Iggy. It's Roy's biggest secret

Unlike Wendy, Roy could have hair if he wanted to. But he thinks it's too much work to upkeep and maintain, so he just shaves it all instead. If he did grow his hair out, it would be hot pink. (The Koopalings' parents had yellow, pink, and blue hair, so all of the kids have one of those or some combination of it. Only about 50% of female koopas are capable of growing hair due to genetic reasons, though, so Wendy is permanently bald)

Peasley is half bean and half human. His only human characteristic is having five fingers on both hands (Humans are one of the ONLY species in this universe to not have four fingers). He hides this with his gloves. Ludwig and Motley both know. (They don't care)

Also, due to the bean species having plant origins, Peasley is VERY sensitive to touch. Any scars/bruises he gets last quite a while, temperatures bother him a lot, and... I would not recommend tickling him too much

Motley's dad abandoned the family to join a circus before she was even born. The only time she interacts with him is once a year, on her birthday, when her father sends her a card with a present, usually something circus-related, attached. Her previous gifts include a whip, unicycle, stilts, toy canon, and pins for juggling. The gift from her dad is what Motley looks forward to most every year

Motley and her mom are Jewish. They don't actually do much religious stuff, but they do celebrate Hanukkah! And don't eat pork

Topper does not have naturally purple hair. Rango replaced his shampoo with dye one time, but Topper actually liked it, so he keeps re-dying it

Topper plays a keytar in his spare time and is a big fan of 80's rock songs. He also sorta likes classical. But only a teeny bit. Although he prefers the keytar, Topper can also play wonderfully on a regular piano

Hariet has menstrual issues... She most likely won't be able to have children when she's older. Currently, she gets horrible cramps, cycles that last nearly nine days, and horribly heavy flows. Not to mention, she got her first period only a few days after her 7th birthday

Hariet has never lost a single competition she's entered. Of all her awards and trophies and whatnot, she only has one shameful 2nd place prize. She does not like to speak of that event.

Rango, despite being super skinny, is VERY heavy. Him and Spewart are only a few pounds apart in weight. He is very difficult to pick up, push, or move in general. This is mostly due to the fact that he eats a lot. Especially when high

Rango has the least general health problems among his siblings (All he has is a missing arm and ADD) But he does have the weakest immune system and gets sick all the time

Spewart is afraid of practically everything, (You name it--Darkness, needles, clowns, dolls, heights, spiders, etc.) But he is ESPECIALLY afraid of fires. He is the only Broodal who remembers witnessing their parents' death (House fire) and has extreme PTSD from it. Even controlled flames like candles and fireplaces put him on edge

Spewart has been in psyche wards a few times throughout his life. He doesn't like talking about it, though. The first time, he was sent to one involuntarily by foster parents during a very bad "breakdown." Every trip after that has been voluntary (Meaning he decided to send himself and wasn't forced to go). He once stayed in a ward for over a month and a half

#head canon #lore

16 notes · View notes

ghastlybin · 1 year

Note

Siyeon angst? I couldn’t think of any details so I guess just make me cry

Hello!! Thank you for your request! You said make you cry so I am hoping this does, however I do recommend you (and anyone else reading) to please PLEASE READ THE TRIGGER WARNINGS FIRST before you proceed. I will bold it so y’all know where it’s at in this info dump of an introduction. I know this isn’t for everyone and I also don’t want you to read and then get mad at me later because I did warn you. And I’ll warn you again before I get to the actual request, so PLEASE proceed with caution!!! Thank you again 🫶

•••

Pairing: Siyeon x Reader FT. JiU, Dami, Gahyeon, SuA (mentioned), and Yeosang (Ateez, short feature)

Word count: 8,516 (about. I edited it so there are probably more or less.)

Genre/contents: Dystopian! AU, Angst, *maybe* fluff but you gotta squint REALLY hard, Sci-fi-ish themed with an attempt at some horror elements. Correct me if I’m wrong ofc

••••••••••••••••••••••

TW: character death + mentions/implications/ semi description if not full, mature/foul language (cuss words. Lots of them), blood, guns, depression, self-loathing, self-sabotage(?), a lot of unresolved traumas, abandonment issues? I basically made this hella depressing.

••••••••••••••••••••••

Synopsis: In a world affected by a mysterious collapse that brought on strong beings known as “the colliding ones”, You are a part of a team tasked to prevent the third collapse before humanity becomes completely extinct in exchange for total freedom and an overall better life.

Note: again, PLEASE READ THE TRIGGER WARNING SECTION FIRST!!!!! I WOULD RATHER Y’ALL BE OKAY THAN FOR ME TO HAVE NOTES!!! Your mental health comes first, I promise you it won’t hurt my feelings and yes, I do need therapy, no, I can’t afford it, yes, I overthought posting this and yes, I do feel remorse but please remember this is also entirely fiction and based off a dream I had once and a few songs I listened to on repeat to try and get a feel of the general plot. & Yes, I did use dreamcatcher songs as names for certain things and yes, I added Yeosang because I love him. I also love Dreamcatcher too otherwise I wouldn’t be writing for them please don’t hate me because there isn’t really a happy moment, although I did try at the ending. Keyword, try.

But anon said make them cry.

Blame anon. (Joking, joking.)

“We have plenty of time.”

Gahyeon twiddled with the analog sticks on her worn-down tablet that was moments away from shutting down completely if she kept refusing to ‘get a new one’.

Minji walked over and took the tablet away in one swift movement as the ‘game over’ screen covered the screen.

“Hey! I almost beat-“

“I’m about to beat your ass!”

You crossed your arms, angrily shooting glares in the direction of the guard that forced you into the room with the rest of your team members.

Gahyeon closed her gaped mouth upon realizing that you hadn’t meant that threat towards her. She reached for the tablet, only for Minji to walk away from her with it still in her hands and towards you and the guard.

“What’s going on?” Minji put her hand on your shoulder in an attempt to pull you further away from the guard who wasn’t intimidated by you.

Gahyeon watched on from the torn-up couch, picking some of the fillings inside the cushions out of habit.

“That one,” the guard narrowed his eyes towards you. “Was caught trying to sneak into the prison sector.”

“Prison sector? That’s across the fucking town! I was trying to get into the holding center! I have the clearance too, dumbass.” You held up your ID card, to which the guard swiped it out of your hand to take a closer look.

Minji let out a sigh, taking the card from the guard and holding it in the same hand she had confiscated Gahyeon’s tablet with.

“I swear you guards are let in on the bare minimum!” You scoffed.

Minji nudged your arm with her elbow.

“Go sit down- And be quiet.” She ordered.

You walked over to Gahyeon with reluctance, yet you had some understanding that you shouldn’t act like that.

Especially not to a guard with slightly higher clearance than you.

That would change soon.

“Where is Yubin?” You whispered as Minji stepped outside of the room and into the hallway with the guard.

“She’s being debriefed on our mission.” Gahyeon messed with the filling she had pulled out of the couch, the boredom getting to her.

“Why were you in the prison sector?”

“Holding center,” You corrected. “I wanted to see something.”

“Ah. You wanted to see something.” She smirked, pulling more of the filling out of the cushion.

You stared at the filling in her hands, each fiber ripping apart the more Gahyeon pulled each end apart.

Siyeon was the glimmer in your eyes when you would smile. She was the feeling of a weight lifting off of your shoulders after a stressful day.

Her very presence was like warmth to you after a harsh blizzard- And you had experienced many blizzards since the first ‘collapse’ in the earth years ago.

You never believed in love or the possibility of being loved. Not since the collapse had taken everyone from you.

Those who were arrested, those who died, and those who left for a better, safer, land.

You loved Siyeon.

Siyeon loved you.

Those moments with her, getting ready with her, laughing with her, all of those times she would come to you crying because of something bothering her. Every time you’ve cried to her for something bothering you, although rare. You were used to having suppressed any and every emotion to the point nothing hurt you. The deaths of your friends at the hands of the colliding ones only angered you. The beings that appeared first during the first collapse.

The beings that multiplied during the second collapse.

The beings that were receding in preparation for phase three.

The third collapse.

You never shed a tear. Not until you met Siyeon.

She was the first- And the only person to have helped you feel again.

You remembered how it hurt to just feel. The images of your friends being ripped apart or flung in far away distances at an inhumane speed played like a slideshow in your mind.

“It will hurt a lot less to just feel rather than not feel.”

You never understood what that meant by that until she showed you.

“Y/N! Hurry up! Do you want to live lavishly or stay in this hell hole of a city?!” Yubin snapped her fingers in front of your face.

You zoned out. Of course, you did.

“Shit, sorry! What were you saying?”

“I didn’t say anything. I was waiting for you to get up. Minji wanted us to meet her at rendezvous E.”

You racked your brain, trying to remember the briefing so you weren’t going in completely blind.

Besides, pissing off Minji and maybe Yubin was the last thing on your to-do list.

You stuffed your hands into the pockets of your jacket as the frigid outside air bit into the bare parts of your skin that hadn’t been protected by some form of layered cloth.

You followed Yubin across the train tracks, carefully jumping down from the platform to not splash into a puddle of melted snow, and especially watched out for ice, knowing how the traction on your shoes wasn’t as good as they were before.

Yubin looked back at you, an impatient look on her face, though she abstained from saying anything.

You huffed, creating a cloud of smoke in the frigid air. You and Yubin were both startled by a cracking sound tearing across the sky.

“Hurry! Grab my hand!” Yubin yelled, holding out her hand for you. You did as she said, taking her hand before she roughly pulled you under the cover of the roof of the second platform.

Snow- Highly acidic snow- began to float down, sizzling on any surface or plant life growing in the area, whether it had barely grown or if it had already withered from previous snow storms.

“Thanks.” You watched the snow flurry run its course. The longest recorded length had been about six hours.

“The colliding ones must be on the hunt again.” You mumbled.

Yubin fumbled with the lock to the door of the entrance to the platform.

You remembered where Rendezvous ‘E’ was.

It was the place Siyeon left you.

It was an ongoing battle, waking up every day and convincing yourself that maybe today, humanity would be worth it.

No.

It was worth it.

A world where the innocent could abandon the steps of surviving and learn the steps of living.

What constituted living?

No longer waking up and wondering if you would have a home?

No more families were torn apart by the famine or poverty that was brought on during the first and second collapses?

Is living truly any different from surviving?

“What are you thinking about?” Siyeon wrapped her arms around your shoulders from behind.

“Huh?” You were dumbfounded. Unaware of where you were.

Siyeon was back.

“You were staring out into space again,” Siyeon rested her chin upon your shoulder, “something on your mind?”

“Oh.” There was a slight pause. “No. Yes. I don’t know.”

Siyeon smirked, moving to stand in front of you to meet your eyes. Deep down you wanted to resent her for leaving you after all this time.

You couldn’t.

“That was three different answers.”

“I was just thinking, what if we don’t survive the third collapse?” You shared your fears with her.

Something the ‘old you’ would’ve never dared.

Siyeon’s mouth curled into a slight pout. She shook her head, resting her hands on your shoulders.

“You can do it. I believe in you.” Siyeon smiled.

That smile. You hadn’t realized how long it had been since you last saw her.

You had just realized she was standing in front of you. She was back.

You engulfed her into your arms, earning a giggle from her in return.

“Took you long enough.”

You wanted to cry. You wanted to scream. You wanted to ask her so many questions that have been left unanswered for however long it had been.

You also wanted to run away with her and drop the whole mission entirely. Y

ou couldn’t bring yourself to do that, though. Not to Minji, Yubin, Gahyeon, or even to Siyeon.

Siyeon held onto you for as long as you held onto her. Maybe you wouldn’t have let her go if given the option.

You let go of her when Yubin entered the room. You ran down the chain of events that lead you here into this very room.

You and Yubin crossed the train tracks and the platforms, and you narrowly avoided the acidic snow flurry.

Anything, after Yubin got the platform door unlocked, had become a blur.

Siyeon took a step back, looking at Yubin as she walked toward you holding a map in her hands. You looked at Siyeon, who suddenly became quiet in Yubin’s presence.

“Minji and Gahyeon are reading to move on to rendezvous V.” Yubin showed you the map with a sticky note marking the different rendezvous points.

You glanced at Siyeon, who shrugged in response. You knew what you had to do, however. You’ve done this mission before.

Only, there were more people on your team.

Now it left you, Minji, Yubin, Gahyeon, and now Siyeon- if she decided to rejoin.

“Let’s get this over with.” You put so much authority into that one sentence, that even you started to believe you could pull the mission off.

Siyeon smirked, a sense of pride filling her from the inside out. You smiled, knowing she was proud of you.

Siyeon was the first person- Since the collapse- that told you she was proud of you.

Proud of you for waking up every day.

Proud of you for surviving an attack against the colliding ones.

She was proud of you for just being you.

“You can do it,” Siyeon whispered, giving you two thumbs up with a wide grin.

Yubin folded the map, “I forgot the ammo… One second.”

She groaned as she left the room- if you could even call it that, and you were alone with Siyeon again.

“You’re not rejoining?” A hint of disappointment in your tone when you looked back at Siyeon. She shook her head after a moment of hesitation.

“You’re leaving? Again?”

“I’m not leaving. I never left! I just… Needed to get away from the city.” Siyeon defended, although she understood your hurt from her departure.

“You left me.” You reiterated only this time you hoped it was low enough to where it hadn’t reached her ears.

Siyeon stepped closer to you, regret on her face. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I’m happy to see you again.” You stood your ground, not having the urge or wanting to cry anymore.

“I’m happier that you are safe. But,”

“There’s a catch.”

“Why not…” Even then you couldn’t say it. Not immediately.

Why not take me with you?

The rest of the sentence burrowed in your mind, itching to come out. You wanted to know.

You had to know. It was the only way you could get rid of the ache in your chest.

“Got the ammo. I did almost step in a puddle but we can finally get out of here.” Yubin reentered the room, tilting her head immediately as she saw you.

“Oh… Yeah. Coming.” You gave Siyeon one last glance.

One last thing in your mind that begged its way to your mouth to be spoken out loud for the world- or at least Siyeon, to hear.

I still love you.

But you added that to a list of more words left unspoken.

“I missed you.” Siyeon’s voice cracked slightly.

You refused to bring yourself to look at her. You knew her tearful state would have made you cave.

Yubin loaded enough ammo into two guns specially made for the colliding ones.

I missed you too.

Another missed opportunity. Another sentence is unspoken.

Siyeon watched as you and Yubin left the room and into the ruins of an abandoned subway station.

Yubin led the way through the path of fallen debris and radioactive mushrooms that only grew in dark places where the colliding ones were typically found inhabiting the area.

Luckily, they were docile in the dark.

It was the light that caused them to become aggressive toward living beings.

Yubin grimaced, avoiding the areas with the mushrooms that gave off the only light source in the ruins of the subway.

The only light source the colliding ones could remain docile under.

“Where the hell did you get all of this ammo?” You whispered, although your whisper still managed to echo throughout the ruins.

“Bora left stashes of it all around the city back when…” Yubin stopped herself from continuing. She cleared her throat, moving a wooden beam to the side to squeeze through a tight space that led to the other side of the subway ruins.

“She left a stash of ammo at each rendezvous point. Any access points we are permitted to, there will be ammo.” Yubin held out her hand for you as you came through the tight opening.

“Daylight’s waiting.” She shivered, looking up the stairs at the sunlight that poured down onto the area below the steps.

The future seemed so far away.

The state of the world ceased to get better. You were sure it had decreased in quality.

Officials empty promises of a better world once the third collapse is prevented.

How they have the most elite of the elites on the job.

The empty paychecks that came with the job.

It only pissed you off more just thinking about it.

You weren’t doing the job for a better future or a lavish lifestyle.

As much as you wanted to resent her for leaving, you were doing it for Siyeon.

Even then, you weren’t entirely sure if you resented her, the colliding ones, or yourself.

You and Yubin met up with Minji and Gahyeon- who eventually got her busted tablet back.

A frustrated sigh emitted from Gahyeon’s mouth as she tore her focus away from the tablet.

“I may never beat Yeosang’s high score… Whoever that is.”

“Yeosang? The barista at Aurora?” Yubin asked, sitting beside her on a rusted bench under a dilapidated roof cover.

“He’s a barista? Didn’t think baristas had time to game.” Gahyeon mumbled, looking down at her tablet as she restarted her game.

“You’re competing against someone you don’t know?” Yubin was a bit confused by Gahyeon’s reaction, thinking she had met him before.

“Yeah. He’s the only other player anyway. Why not? How do you know him?”

“Do you ever listen to my rants? He’s the one that always messes up my simple order!”

“Could be worse. I would mess your order up on purpose if you came to my cafe.”

Minji ignored the two’s conversation and scanned the area with her binoculars.

“So.” You cleared your throat, unsure if you had spoken to her during the time you unintentionally spaced out.

“You really need to stop making enemies. You never know who will try to abuse their power.” Minji lowered the binoculars, handing them to you. You raised the lenses to your eyes, scanning the area she had just scanned.

“It’s not like I try making enemies. People just need to stop pissing me off.” You mumbled, lowering the binoculars.

“This is the infamously dangerous Maison?” You were unconvinced.

It looked about as dangerous as the rest of the city. And that was saying something.

“Rendezvous V is in Maison. The dead center of Maison.” Minji put the binoculars away.

“Yes!” Gahyeon rose to her feet. “I beat him!”

Minji chuckled, a smile forming on her face at the younger girl's accomplishment.

“Aw! My tablet shut off!” Gahyeon frowned in sudden disappointment.

“To be fair, it ran its course.” You crossed your arms.

Gahyeon shrugged. “What if this Yeosang guy retaliates in the middle of someone’s cup of coffee? Then what?”

You raised your eyebrows at her, “I doubt a barista in a busy city is going to beat your score anytime soon.”

Gahyeon smiled, a relieved sigh leaving her lips.

“Good.”

“Back to the mission, I will accompany Yubin to rendezvous I. You and Gahyeon will go to rendezvous V,” Minji explained. You and Gahyeon agreed, even if it meant you two would have to traverse through Maison.

Truth be told, you never stepped foot near Maison. Siyeon always advised you to never so much as look in the direction of Maison.

Something about it scared her and you wondered what it could be.

It was just something else you’ll never know the answer to.

Minji and Yubin walked away, bidding you and Gahyeon farewell for the time being.

You and Gahyeon began your trip toward Maison, hoping it didn’t snow there too.

“Wait!”

You stopped, turning to see Siyeon, bundled in a heavy jacket as she sprinted to catch up with you and Gahyeon.

“I’m coming with you.” Siyeon panted, catching her breath as you continued to walk with Gahyeon and now Siyeon, who accompanied you two last minute.

It was strange.

Your estranged girlfriend- or, Ex-girlfriend, even if you two never actually broke up, was walking beside you and Gahyeon, someone else she left in pursuit of her ‘happiness’.

You understood it too. Wanting to be happier and safe. You understood why she left, even if it took you forever to realize it.

But it still hurt.

It hurt that you never got a proper ‘goodbye’, you at least deserved that, right?

It hurt that she never asked you, whether it was asking you what you thought or the fact she didn’t ask you to come with her.

“Agh! I really hope Yeosang abandoned the game… He’s really hard to beat.” Gahyeon whined, mainly to herself, but from the glance she spared you, you felt obligated to speak.

“He won’t beat you.” You replied, watching as the various puddles of acidic snow began to dwindle the more you three trudged into the Maison territory.

“How do you know?”

“Because I know you.” You stopped, feeling the air still around you. “If he does beat you, you will get back on and spend months trying to surpass him again. And you’ll succeed every time.”

Gahyeon looked at you, a smile beaming on her face.

Siyeon slipped her hand into yours, taking this moment as an opportunity. Her touch felt like fire against your skin, only you didn’t have the urge to pull your hand back in a hissing pain.

“Y/N! Was that a compliment?” Gahyeon squealed, hugging you, which in turn almost knocked you off balance.

And off guard.

“Woah! So sorry!” Gahyeon helped steady you as an apology for almost knocking you off your feet.

“Something isn’t right.” You stepped forward, letting go of Siyeon’s hand.

“What isn’t right?” Siyeon asked, speaking for the first time since she joined. You took a few more steps forward, Siyeon and Gahyeon watched carefully.

Gahyeon readied the gun Minji had given her before meeting up in between the rendezvous points E and V.

Siyeon wasn’t a fighter. Nor did she have a gun or weapon of any kind.

Even back then after the second collapse, she served as a ‘negotiator’ or a ‘runner’ who would run and distract the colliding ones for the sake of giving the fighters a better advantage.

A runner, you thought. Maybe it was her fate to run away.

“I don’t see anything…” Gahyeon hesitantly stepped forward. Siyeon remained where she was to observe the area.

She was good at observing things. People too.

That’s how she changed you. How she brought your soul back to your being after it had been broken after so much pain.

“Watch your footing.” Siyeon breathed out, noticing the expertly hidden mines under mounds of pebbles that could- And would send you into a catatonic shock if touched by bare skin.

You nor Gahyeon could see the mines. Neither of you was trained for anything other than fighting. Yubin was the only other person that could spot a mine in an open field.

But Siyeon could.

“Follow me. I know a path.” Siyeon carefully walked ahead, “follow my exact steps.”

You did as she said, not wanting to risk catatonia or being blown up sky-high.

Gahyeon watched you before she followed.

“Who set the mines up? Don’t you ever wonder?” Gahyeon eyed your footing as you did with Siyeon.

“Doesn’t matter. We aren’t here to find that out.” You never intended for that to come out as coldly as it did.

The three of you jumped over the last group of pebbles and onto a patch of dry grass. A dilapidated sign that had “Maison” painted over it hung from the stone entrance. You were sure if a gust of wind came along, it would fall. Even the stone walls.

“They’re here!” Gahyeon raised her gun on full alert, the special ammo already loaded in the chamber.

“Where?!” You did the same, holding your gun up. Siyeon walked under the entrance.

“What are you doing?!”

“They aren’t going to come out if they know you’re armed. I will distract them.” She winked back at you.

“What?” Gahyeon glanced at you, barely having heard you. She squinted, noticing more movement.

“Should we advance yet?” She added to her previous question. You took the lead, walking into the entrance after Siyeon had stood in the middle of the area beyond the entrance.

There you saw it, a colliding one. Its sandy brown skin flowed and reconnected with various parts of its body like kinetic sand, the soulless sage green circles that made up its eyes, and ‘arms‘ that acted as swords or sledgehammers- The appearance of it only brought back painful memories.

Gahyeon grimaced. She found them disgusting to look at, from how you could smell the copper scent from the distance you stood, to how the kinetic sand-like skin would fall to the surface they stood on only for it to reconnect back onto its body.

Gahyeon had a theory, that after they kill their victim, they eat them. Cannibalism, she called it.

But this thing wasn’t human. Not even close.

“I don’t think I can make the shot.” Gahyeon whispered. You eyed Siyeon’s movements, waiting for her cue.

“Don’t. Not yet. Let it get closer.” You mumbled, spotting another one coming out of the shadows.

“I don’t think we can take three of them.” Gahyeon apprehensively looked back across the field of pebbles and mines.

“Let’s skip this point and meet up with Minji and Yubin, I don’t like this.” Gahyeon pleaded under her breath although her gun remained in the air, unwavering.

“It’s only three. We can take them.” You stepped forward, keeping to the shadows to not mess up Siyeon’s plan. Gahyeon followed your lead.

A colliding one puddled itself and re-materialized a yard’s length from Siyeon. She closed her fist, giving you and Gahyeon the cue.

“Now!”

Gahyeon shot the colliding one, an immediate ‘head’ shot that caused the entire being to puddle itself into a heap of sand, rocks, and a very lethal substance that caused similar symptoms to radiation poisoning.

Siyeon ran from her original spot as more and more of the colliding ones were drawn out by the gunshot. You wished the inside of Maison was as dark as the shadowed areas.

“Stick to the shadows!” You yelled, shooting any beings that lunged. Gahyeon paused her shooting to reload more of the special ammo into her chamber.

“They know we are here! It won’t matter!” Gahyeon cocked the gun, shooting more of the colliding ones. “Let’s go back!”

“Okay! Retreat!” You ordered, shooting your last bullet before booking it back towards the entrance.

You would have made it too. You, Gahyeon, and wherever Siyeon disappeared to.

But Gahyeon’s scream shattered through the sound of crumbling and sand falling, a scream that made your blood run cold.

“Gahyeon!” Siyeon’s own despaired scream rang out from across the space of the infested Maison entrance. She was too far to do anything.

Too unprepared as well and too surrounded to help her friend.

“I can’t,” Gahyeon cried out, trying to free her leg from the grasp she was in. She tried- and failed to claw her way to her fallen gun that only contained one bullet. She screamed, her fingernails damaged and bleeding as well as her leg where the colliding one had its grasp on her.

“It hurts!” Gahyeon howled in pain. You frantically reloaded your weapon but in your panic, you managed to fumble and drop the bullets on the ground, some of them breaking into bits beyond repair.

Dumbass!, you cursed yourself.

But there were two bullets still intact.

And there were now five colliding ones surrounding her.

“No!” You cried out, your gun raised and loaded, but realistically you would only be able to take two of them down.

You still shot, and just as you thought, you did only manage to take two of them down.

You were yanked back outside of the otherwise stone entrance to Maison by Siyeon and back through the path of the mines.

You were angry and grief-stricken, having abandoned your teammate like that.

No.

She was your friend before she was your teammate.

The walls you had up that prevented you from getting close to anyone who would inevitably hurt you did not change the fact that Gahyeon was someone you cared for.

Someone you would’ve saved if at all possible.

Someone you should’ve saved.

You pulled your arm from Siyeon’s grasp, turning towards the group of the colliding ones that had taken your friend from you.

They were advancing towards you, puddling themselves as to pass by the mines undetected.

“You fucking cowardly pieces of shit!” You screamed which in turn hurt your throat.

But you didn’t care. You would heal later.

Even if Gahyeon made it out somehow, she would take years to come back from the injuries she sustained.

“Y/N, Don’t! Let’s go!” Siyeon grasped your arm, only for you to yank yourself away.

You threw your empty gun directly onto one of the mines, which not only exploded and sent pebbles flying everywhere, but also managed to take out two puddled colliding ones.

“Yeah! Fuck around and you will find out!” You were crying as you screamed that. Anger boiled the blood in your veins.

Anger. All you felt was anger but you knew later when you were alone, the grief would dawn on you more, outweighing the anger completely.

“Y/N.” Siyeon spoke in a stern tone, her teeth clenched. “You need to calm down!”

You didn’t listen to her. You never listened to anyone when you were this angry. You wanted blood-shed. You wanted the anger to be appeased somehow. You wanted your friend back.

“Don’t!” Siyeon watched as you picked up a decently sized rock, which thankfully had no other side effects aside from being a rock, and you let it fly, hurdling towards another mine.

Only this mine was closer to you than you expected.

“I love you.”

Siyeon was the first to say those three words to you. She never told you about the hurt that came with it when you hadn’t said it back.

It wasn’t that you didn’t love her either. You loved her more than words could describe.

You just weren’t used to hearing those words. Sure, your family had told you they loved you, but that was before the collapse.

Before you lost them.

You were afraid you would lose Siyeon too once you said those words. The last words you heard before losing your family were those words. ‘I love you.’ Before you lost your best friend,

‘I love you.’

But here you were, hearing your girlfriend saying “I love you.”, in a safe environment too.

Yet it scared you way more than you ever thought possible.

‘I can’t lose you too.’

You just smiled at her despite your brain becoming a whirlpool of intense fear.

Siyeon took your hand in hers and you willed yourself to just tell her you loved her back.

You willed yourself to tell her you were having trouble saying those words because you had long associated them with pain and loss rather than love. Actual love.

Siyeon never told you, but she understood. Of course, she did.

The first time you managed to feel safe enough to tell her, “I love you.” She cried.

Then you cried because of the guilt for withholding those three simple words from her.

They were only words, sure, but they were anything but simple.

You remember the faint scent of her perfume, the softness of her jacket, and the wet tears meeting the skin on the crook of your neck.

She never meant to cry, and you never meant to make her cry.

She wasn’t sad. She wasn’t angry nor did she ever blame you.

She was happy. She was happy that even though she knew deep down how much you loved her, you had finally said it out loud and made it known.

“I love you but you scared the hell out of me!” Siyeon was kneeling in front of you, worriedly trying to grasp your attention.

You blinked and moved your head to take in your new surroundings.

Siyeon let out a sigh of relief, taking your hand into hers.

You were sat on a chair in a narrow hallway with walls covered in chipped black paint while the floor tiles were cracked yet still safe enough to walk on.

“Where are we?” You asked her. It was then that you noticed how dry your throat was. A familiar sting accompanied the dryness as well.

“Near rendezvous L. Minji and Yubin had to make an emergency call to the boss when they found us,” Siyeon filled you in on every detail that you somehow couldn’t remember.

“A pebble touched your skin. You were catatonic for ten hours! Why didn’t you stop when I asked?”

“They were going to kill us.” You mumbled. Your shoulders felt heavy, remembering what happened to Gahyeon.

“We could’ve outrun them.” She countered.

Something about her disappointment in you made you feel regretful. You wanted to cry. You wanted to curl into her arms and vent about everything wrong that has happened since she left.

You wanted to turn back the time and instead of Gahyeon, it was you who was cut off by the colliding ones.

Gahyeon, who dedicated hours to beating a barista’s high score.

Gahyeon, who may never beat his- Yeosang’s- high score again if he decided to retaliate.

Minji and Yubin exited a door beside you, long-faced and exhausted.

You wondered how they brought you back from Maison.

How long they had waited for you to snap out of your catatonic state.

You wondered if Siyeon told them about Gahyeon.

“The mission is to continue with the three of us.” Minji rubbed her eyes. Yubin didn’t speak a word. She looked to have already said her piece.

You furrowed your eyebrows, looking up at Siyeon, who had stood up.

“I’m… Not going with you guys…” She scratched the back of her neck, maintaining your gaze.

Siyeon bent down to plant a kiss on your forehead.

“I love you,” she smiled a gloomy smile. “I always have.”

I still love you.

But you didn’t have the energy to speak those words out loud.

I don’t blame you for leaving.

I miss you too.

I need you.

Please don’t leave.

More unspoken words clouded your mind.

I love you more than you’ll ever know.

You began to cry in the chair you were sitting on. No one said anything.

Siyeon, however, wrapped her arms around you as comfort.

Please don’t leave.

Then you screamed louder than you have before.

There were exactly five hours left before the third collapse would commence.

You, Minji, Yubin, all three of you were as ready as you could be. Those materializations of the kinetic sand-like bodies and their sage green soulless eyes. The copper scent was enough to nauseate you from the distance you stood.

You were given a newer gun with a much faster reload rate as you had blown up your old gun.

You wondered if Siyeon told them what happened or if you meant it as an accident.

The wind picked up at a higher speed the further the three of you trudged into their territory.

The colliding ones were hostile, but you three had guns. Armed.

They weren’t going to mess with you yet. Not until you shot first.

You wondered if Minji or Yubin saw you as a ticking time bomb. If they worried you would do something stupid that would jeopardize the entire mission and inevitably the world.

Like dropping all of the damn ammo when it was most crucial.

“High alert. We’re in the center.” Minji’s voice came in clearly through the earpiece you had collectively put on.

“Copy.” Yubin had one hand on her ear, turning down the volume, realizing how loud she had it set to.

You watched the puddles of sand, rock,- and possibly just radiation- moving around the three of you. They never came any closer than three feet and even made way for you the further the three of you walked.

Only a few of the colliding ones had actual ‘bodies’. Those were the ones that stood further back.

“Did you get anything from rendezvous V?” Minji’s voice came through your earpiece again.

“Trauma.”

“Y/N, I swear to-“

“No. We didn’t get past the main entrance area.” You heard Minji’s quiet sigh as she nodded in acceptance.

“We will make it work. Yubin, you’re up.”

“On it.” Yubin took the lead, You and Minji covered her to make sure none of those things got close to her.

You wouldn’t let it happen again.

You swore.

Yubin placed the D.C. device on the ground where the dead center of the area was. Even though the wind, sand, rocks, and whatever the colliding ones had mixed inside of them- radiation?- obstructed your view, Minji had been diligently keeping track of the GPS that marked the spot.

Yubin connected the wires and armed the device that would send a shock wave throughout the third collapse point and, theoretically rip the colliding ones apart beyond repair.

“All set.”

Yubin jogged back over to you. And for a second, you thought you saw Siyeon. You gasped, pointing your gun towards the colliding being nearest her.

“Siyeon! Run!” You screamed, firing a bullet at the colliding one that hadn’t done anything.

Yet.

“Y/N! No!” Minji yelled. Yubin raised her gun swiftly and began to shoot with Minji to fend off the colliding ones that had been set off by your mistake.

You began to shoot as well and realized that Siyeon wasn’t there after all.

Shit.

You mentally cursed yourself with each bullet firing off.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

You felt a tug on your arm, pulling you in the direction Yubin and Minji were going.

They were retreating.

Yubin armed the D.C. device but you knew you were surrounded for at least a mile.

You all knew.

The shock wave would obliterate your entire team as well if none of you make it past a certain point.

“Cover me!” Minji yelled, needing to reload. You and Yubin did as she said, fending any of the beings off that tried to come near her.

You were making it out of there. All three of you.

And you were going to find Siyeon and tell her everything you never could bring yourself to say.

You would make it up to Gahyeon, somehow.

“Y/N! Yubin! Run! Just run!” Minji grit her teeth, struggling to aim in every direction at once.

You and Yubin, and soon Minji, began to run, sprinting back towards what was called ‘the point of no return’.

“In the hatch! Go!” Minji ushered. You and Yubin took turns climbing down the hatch that you had originally entered.

It was dark, which meant it was safe.

Minji slammed the hatch shut and locked it just as quickly.

Yubin turned on the lights, illuminating the tunnel that led you there once she knew it was safe enough.

It was then you were able to see Minji’s face, her eyes boring a hole into your own, and her teeth were clenched to top it all off.

“What was that?! We had a plan! Why did you shoot?!” She raised her voice at you and for a moment, you noticed her fists clenching into a ball.

“I thought I saw Siyeon! She came back so I thought she showed up anyway even though she said she wasn’t-“

“What are you talking about?” Minji unclenched her fist, though her tone and facial expression hadn’t changed. She was still glaring at you, her face flushed with a shade of red, and a vein sticking out very faintly on the side of her forehead.

“Siyeon told us she wasn’t coming with us this time. She told us when I had barely come back from catatonia?” You glanced from Minji to Yubin. Only then did Minji soften her expression.

“No, she wasn’t. Yubin and I were both there with you- Alone.”

“Huh? But Yubin saw her! Remember? At the subway station? Siyeon was there!” You looked at Yubin, confusion throbbing in your head.

“And she was with me and Gahyeon at Maison!” You desperately added. Yubin shook her head.

“What are you talking about?” Yubin took a step back, staring at you as if you were a ghost.

“You guys are just messing with me! You literally spoke to her! And she spoke to you!” You were on the verge of panicking. The frustration built its way up and threatened to explode from within you.

“Oh, Y/N…” Minji’s mouth dropped into a frown. You felt uneasiness in the pit of your stomach.

“Siyeon died during the second collapse.”

The day your world stopped was a day you distantly remember. Not because it wasn’t worth remembering, but because it was too painful to remember.

You remember how it felt fighting alongside Siyeon, a little after the second collapse. The fear, adrenaline, even a little excitement as you were finally able to save her and protect her as she had with you.

Siyeon wasn’t a fighter but she sure did try. She stuck with you, the ‘strong’ one in the relationship.

You never felt strong, though. Any strength you showed, all originated from Siyeon.

Siyeon knew a lot of things.

But she did not know how strong she was.

You would’ve succeeded in protecting her if you had faster reflexes.

She wasn’t supposed to have been in the crossfire. She was supposed to distract, run, hide, and repeat.

Distract.

Run.

Hide.

Repeat.

But you were both cornered and separated from your team. Only momentarily, but it was enough time for the worst to happen.

You fended the colliding ones off from the two of you but that didn’t stop one from picking up a rebar and lodging it in yours and Siyeons direction.

You wished you could say you both dodged it in time. Not just you.

You wished you had jumped in front of her and protected her somehow.

You wished you had never met her.

No.

You wished you had met her in a better world.

“Siyeon, come on, stay with me! You’ll be fine!” You helped her onto a subway platform and hurried into a room that seemed out of place with the structure of the subway station.

Still, you had tried to get Siyeon through the door opposite of the way you two came in from. Siyeon tried her best, but she had already succumbed to the exhaustion and lightheadedness she felt.

She couldn’t do it.

“How many people survive wounds like this?” Siyeon struggled to get that sentence out, yet she still got it out flawlessly.

“Looks like you’ll be the first.”

You were dead serious too. A little in denial.

Or, fully in denial, but you believed it at the time. You weren’t losing her.

Siyeon saw the humor in that, even in pain, she managed to smile.

“I love you. You know that.”

You did but you weren’t letting her give up on herself.

“Sit with me.” Her voice was weaker than before.

“No. You need to get up. We are going to get to a hospital and you will get proper medical attention and… And… I’m not losing you!”

You didn’t care that your voice cracked or that the lump in your throat hurt from trying to suppress your emotions.

“Sit.” Siyeon repeated, weakly tugging on your hand.

You gave in. Of course you did. She had that effect on you.

“I’m not going to make it. I know you know this.” Siyeon tried her best to stay awake. She really did, and every second she spent trying to keep herself awake, the more she felt exhausted.

“I love you. Always have.”

You wrapped your arms around her, kissing her cheek while she was still awake to feel it. You began to sob, feeling her fall limp.

“Please don’t leave.”

No response.

“Please… Please don’t leave.”

You screamed, begging whatever higher power was listening to bring her back, make her okay, to somehow teleport her to a hospital.

“Y/N?”

In your despair from remembering a painful memory, you realized where you were. But you didn’t know what happened.

You were back at the apartment you shared with Siyeon, sitting on the edge of the bed and staring out of the window.

“What are you thinking about?” It was Siyeon. She walked around and sat in the empty spot beside you. “Better view than the room you shared with Minji, Yubin, and Gahyeon, right?”

You looked at her with tear-stained cheeks and more flooding down your face the more you looked at her. She was alive and healthy and it felt so real.

“It… Is better.” You muttered, the lump in your throat ached worse than it had moments before. “But it hurts.”

“You know I would never hurt you. Not intentionally.” Siyeon put her hand on your thigh with reassurance.

“You have hurt me.”

You wiped your eyes, standing up.

“You fucking died!”

Siyeon was taken aback. You knew she wasn’t really there. You knew it wasn’t her talking. Anything she said to you at that moment were words she’s spoken before.

Words you remembered her saying and words you knew she was saying to try and make you feel better.

She knew you. But you also knew her.

And it hurt.

You dug your fingertips into your scalp trying to appease the frustration you felt.

“Please calm down.” Siyeon sat where she had been, unflinching, but the concern in her voice said otherwise.

“No, Siyeon! You can’t just fix me and then leave me to fall apart again!” You were hyperventilating, the pain growing inside of you. Every feeling bottled inside had exploded within you.

It was unbearable.

“I told you, I never left. I was always here with you.” Siyeon moved from the spot on the bed and kneeled beside you, engulfing you in her arms.

As comforting as it was, it only hurt more because you knew she wasn’t actually there. Not physically.

“Why did you leave without me?”

No answer. She would never answer a question like that. Not with what it implied.

She would have wanted you to be happy, and outlive the colliding ones.

But you were you.

What other people wanted isn’t what you wanted. Not without her.

“I still love you.” You forced out, thinking it would be the last time you ever would see her.

Even if you knew her response, she would never know. You always had trouble sharing your true feelings. And when you did, it wasn’t often and it was only to Siyeon. No one else got nearly as close to you as she did.

But it didn’t make anything you said any less true.

Siyeon kissed your forehead. Not because she chose to, but because it’s what you remember her doing previous times you had broken down.

“I’m here. I will always be here.”

And she would hold you until you felt okay again.

“I miss you.” You babbled.

“I need you.”

Siyeon didn’t say anything. You wondered if it would hurt more or less if she did.

It was easier pretending she had left without a second word. You convinced yourself she just left for her hometown and didn’t tell anyone where.

Even though you were there to witness her last breath, you were in denial. It was easier.

“I don’t blame you for leaving.”

Maybe you did blame her deep down for leaving you the way she did.

Maybe she blamed you too.

It wasn’t your choice and it wasn’t hers either. It was just the way you two were brought together and pulled apart.

You felt freezing and heard the rapid fire of gunshots around you. Instead of your old apartment, you were in the center of the town you, ever so reluctantly, referred to as home.

Siyeon was no longer with you.

“Y/N!” Yubin sprinted towards you at full speed and pushed you behind cover as one of the colliding ones had detached its ‘arm’ and flung it at you before it reattached to its body like a boomerang.

You felt the fire radiating heat from the buildings around you. You wondered how the pouring rain hadn’t set them out yet.

Maybe in a minute, the fires would dissipate.

Maybe nothing was real.

The device.

You almost forgot about how Yubin had planted the D.C. device.

She must’ve set it off while you were shut off from reality.

“If you die, Minji will kill you!” Yubin helped you stand before raising her gun once again, “and trust me when I say I’m not joking!”

Yubin jogged away, shooting at any of the colliding ones that stood in her way. You looked around, realizing how many of the colliding ones there were that were left after the shockwave blast who were most likely retaliating.

You knew you at least had to pull yourself together. If not for Minji or Yubin, then Siyeon.

“Give them a reason to fear you.”

You checked the chamber of your gun, making sure you had a full round, then you began to fire.

“Welcome to Aurora! What can I do for you?”

You squinted at the name tag safety pinned to the barista’s shirt.

Yeosang.

“Yeosang?” You read out loud.

Yeosang slowly nodded in response. “Do I know you?”

You shook your head, stepping closer to the table he had begun cleaning before you had walked in.

“You do know a friend of mine.”

“Enlighten me.” He set down the rag, his eyebrows furrowed when you handed him your phone that had the leaderboards of the game he and Gahyeon competed against each other in, opened up on the screen.

“Oh. Odd eye! I haven’t played that in months.” He reminisced. “Gahyeon is your friend? I actually didn’t know her. I see she did beat my score though. Didn’t think I’d ever see the day.”

“What?”

“I’m not saying she was bad at the game, just didn’t think anyone else played much… Or that she played often.” Yeosang shrugged, handing the phone back to you before finishing wiping down the table he stood in front of.

“Do you still play?” You asked, pocketing your phone. Yeosang let out a small chuckle, “off and on. I’ll probably revisit it later, now that you mention it. Tell Gahyeon congratulations though.”

“Yeosang.”

He looked at you again, not yet used to being referred to by his actual name while working.

“Gahyeon… Gahyeon passed away.”

Yeosang froze as he wasn’t sure what to say. Especially not about someone he had only known through the leaderboards of the ‘Odd eye’ game.

“Oh… I’m so sorry.”

You stepped closer to where he had moved to. It was just the two of you in the cafe.

“If you decide to play again,” you paused, feeling a lump in your throat forming. “Please, don’t beat her score. It was the last thing she was proud of.”

Yeosang immediately gave you a thumbs up without a second thought, “Whatever your name is, you have my word.”

“Thank you.”

You left the cafe, the bell dinging as the door shut behind you. Whether he would keep his word or not, you trusted he would.

You walked through the streets as many construction workers and volunteers worked to rebuild the city after you, Minji, Yubin, and any volunteers from the militia had successfully- although very destructively, prevented the third collapse.

You took out the folded map from your back pocket and unfolded it to route the direction you needed to take out of the city and to the town Siyeon had once talked about.

Whether it was a town worth it or not, Siyeon used to live there before you two had met.

You read over the sticky note stuck to the map beside the circled location of the town you were headed for.

‘Bring back a souvenir - Yubin and Minji.’

It’s been years since the prevention of the third collapse. Years since you’ve heard from Yubin and Minji.

Not that they never tried reaching you, just that they were busy with other things.

You learned to come to terms with losing Siyeon, though you still have your moments.

Even years later, you never found love in someone else. Nor did you look for it.

As far as you were concerned, Siyeon was the only person you have and would ever love.

You walked out to your garden to upkeep your plants. It’s the only hobby you picked up as a coping mechanism that somewhat helped you.

You still bottled your feelings inside, not having anyone to talk to about them. Not like you could with Siyeon.

You watered your plants evenly and got carried away, lost in your own world. You almost didn’t notice the three shadows cast over you and your plants.

Curious, you turned around as you hadn’t had a visitor in a long time.

“Do you have our souvenirs?” Yubin grinned. She was the first to hug you.

Then Minji, who held onto you tighter than Yubin but for a shorter amount of time.

Minji glanced back behind her, “oh yeah. Look who came back.”

You widened your eyes, dropping the watering can which in turn caused the water to spill out.

Gahyeon stood behind Yubin and Minji. She looked a little older, as it had been years, but she was there.

Alive, but you noticed how she limped when she walked closer to you, sending a wave of guilt through you.

At least she was alive.

She beamed at you as if nothing had happened all of those years ago, throwing her arms around you.

“Missed me?”

#dreamcatcher #dreamcatcher x reader #dreamcatcher siyeon #dreamcatcher gahyeon #dreamcatcher jiu #dreamcatcher dami #dreamcatcher x siyeon #dreamcatcher angst #dreamcatcher imagines #holy fuck this took forever to edit

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ebitchwriting · 1 year

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Music Taste The RE Characters Give Me The Vibes Of Part Three:

Piers Nivans: Oh serious boy Piers. I'll be honest, he was quite hard to pin down, but I also like to think when he's off-duty and just hanging out with his teammates and captain at a bar, or a movie theatre for the newest b-rated horror flick, or the one time they all decided to go to a medieval larp, he's a much less rough and gruff, but actually joking, light. Still serious, but anyone can see the tension melting away. For this reason, I actually think his music taste is greatly influenced by his friends. A strange mix of Queen, ABBA, I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME, Ricky Martin, Toto, and quite a few famous pop songs like A Thousand Miles, I'm Not Gonna Write You A Love Song, etc. He's always willing to listen to whatever his friends want to listen to, and whatever they suddenly become obsessed with.

Jake Muller/Wesker: Jakov(I refuse to believe his name is Jacob) grew up poor in Edonia, a country constantly suffering from either war from impending invasion, civil war, or biological warfare because of greedy pharmaceutical comoanies wanting to test out new viruses. So, I don't think he really got to listen to a whole lot of music growing up. The radios, when the radio towers worked, played typically folk Edonian music, rock&roll Edonian music, or pop Edonian music. Which, since what little we've seen of Edonia, I would imagine Edonian music sounding very similar to Serbian music.

Richard Simmons: If you've seen Netflix's Tau, then Simmons gives me the exact same vibes as Alex(and not just in terms of music). He listens to classical music only when he wants to calm down and distract himself from murdering someone over something as trivial as a fingerprint on a glass. Maybe jazz if thr mood strikes him. He also likes the music he thinks Ada likes purely because it's Ada Wong, and he longs to possess her like she's a trinket.

Carla Radames: Who knows what she genuinely liked before she was transformed and gaslighted into "becoming" Ada Wong? After that, well she liked what Richard believed Ada liked(which again who fucking knows if that is the case or not). Which, in Simmons' mind and the confirmation bias he came to when he and Ada had meetings, I think he would see Ada as a classic jazz fan. Louis Armstrong, Billie Holiday, Charlie Parker, and Ela Fitzgerald are the artists he would mainly play for Ada, and therefore would make Carla listen to.

Helena Harper: Helena has always been known as a spitfire that didn't care much for what other people thought and always did what she thought was right unless forced otherwise. She strikes me as someone who's about counterculture, and for that reason, she seems like she would listen to heavy metal and nu-metal bands like Disturbed, Korn, Papa Roach, and Gracchus, as well as particular singers like Rob Zombie and Maynard Keenan. It's just what she likes, and she doesn't give a damn if people think she's trying to be edgy or cool.

Ingrid Hannigan: I can see Ingrid being a fan of Kate Bush, Daniela Andrade, Marika Hackman, and Lola Blanc. Not much of a dancer or a singer unless if she's intentionally trying to be goofy or romantic with a romantic partner, with a young niece or nephew, or drunk with Leon.

Ashley Graham: Ashley seems like she would be into indie pop music, like Florence + The Machine, Lana Del Ray, Of Monsters and Men, and I'm not sure if she counts as indie pop or not but putting Billie Eilish on the list too. I can see that Ashley would be the type to dance along with her songs, but it would generally be slower dancing, more swaying as she's insecure about her dancing skills and whether or not anyone can see her. She's also shy about showing her music to anyone. She hates being judged.

#resident evil #resident evil headcanons #piers nivans #jake muller #jake wesker #richard simmons #carla radames #helena harper #ashley graham #finally feel better after recovering from wisdom tooth surgery

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ratinayellowbandana · 25 days

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there exists … an imodna playlist that I’ve been carefully curating since 2022 with genre-consistent, thematically-appropriate songs with hyperspecific lyrics and every time I listen to it I froth at the mouth a little bit. it’s in chronological order. it starts with laudna, then imogen, then their meeting and getting on the road and I know I made it but ahhhh

edit: here's a link. it's a constant wip

#imodna #every time I add a song or edit it I go a little more insane #I’m so picky #this is no hate to anyone but I refuse to put generic love songs on this playlist #by hyperspecific i mean there is a song about a corpse falling in love with the person caring for body her after her death #it’s me and my relatively obscure folk-country-gothic artists or bust #(with a few exceptions)#you can find it if you search imodna on spotify the image is the same as my pfp #edit: apparently you cant find it by searching theres now a link in the replies #its not totally organized yet #one day ill post the whole thing with all my rationale for each song but the first uhh 50ish songs are solidly ordered #loose order is prologue -> laudna -> imogen -> meeting -> on the road -> are they in love?#tagged accidental flowers in hair motif

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miraakulous-cloud-district · 2 years

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For the oc ask game!!! 😍😍😍 1. Class (or a general description of their skillset)

2. What was their childhood like? Who raised them? Do they have siblings?

3. Where did they grow up? A city? A village? Isolated, in the wilderness? What was it like to leave?

4. Do they pick a side in the Civil War?

5. On a scale of 1-10, how much do they hate the Thalmor? The Empire?

Five questions for the lovely Ravonna! 💖

Thank you so much for the ask dear! Also, if anyone sees this and likes Ravonna, you can check out my fic!

1. I like to think that Morrowind is the little magic corner of Tamriel, so basic magic is standard there. Everyone does it. However, Ravonna’s fascination with magic, her determination to get revenge and the fact that she’s a bit of an overachiever made her a master destruction mage. She does amazing in the other schools of magic as well. All of them except for healing. She thinks it’s pointless to fill her head with those spells when she can just buy healing potions. (she cannot do alchemy for the life of her). Of course this is going to bite her in the ass constantly. Good thing we have a certain Dragon Priest who used to be a healer ;). But don’t worry, he’s willing to share his knowledge later on. All I can say is that I can’t wait to write the scene, hehehe!

As for other skills, she thinks she is an amazing sneak. She is not. Seriously, she should stop. Getting detected by all of the draugr, giants, bears and guards isn’t very fun. She does decently with one handed weapons, all thanks to Teldryn. But she hates anything that is heavy and requires much strength. It’s enough that she walks and runs all over the place, refusing to take horses and put them into danger. Absolutely no two handed weapons and shields. She’s never used a shield in her life and would rather die than use a greatsword, or worse, an axe. She loves wearing enchanted fancy robes. She’s also a master in the art of speechcraft.

2. She had a bit of an unusual childhood. She grew up in a tavern in the city of Blacklight. The tavern was big and very beautiful. She doesn’t really know anything about her roots (yet), just that her mother brought her to the tavern and dropping dead after making the innkeeper promise he’d take care of her. And he kept his promise. The innkeeper, Endryn, along with his brother Teldryn and the tavern’s bard, Hjaldir took care of her and raised her as if she was their own daughter. She learned a bit from each of them: being determined, ambitious and strong from Teldryn, being kind, friendly and always helping those in need from Endryn and having fun, singing, being witty, charismatic, playing every instrument and not taking anything too seriously from Hjaldir. Him and Ravonna formed a strong bond. Some say it’s because they were two nords in a land full of dunmer, others say it’s because their personalities are really similar and they complete each other. Some even say they look strangely similar. I made them both and I have proof! Here you go:

Anyway, her childhood was full of love. She quickly started singing at the tavern and making friends of all ages. She proved to be quite charming. Magnetic, even. Everyone wanted to listen to her songs and her tales. She’s had her fair share of adventure in Morrowind. First with Teldryn, and then with friends from the guild of mages. And of course, many, many shenanigans. She got everyone in and out of trouble.

3. As I said before, she grew up in Blacklight, which is one of the major cities in Morrowind. The ash storms weren’t very nice. Nor was the limited food. Or the scribs. Or any Morrowind creature for that matter. The truth is she never truly felt like she belonged there, but it was a place full of fascinating stories and fond memories. A place full of love. And it will always stay like that in her heart. Leaving was unexpectedly easy for her. She was at that point in her life where she wanted to see the world and travel. However, she didn’t want to leave the way she did: on a quest to destroy the Dark Brotherhood and those responsible for Endryn’s assassination.

4. She hates politics and doesn’t understand it. Every time someone asks her about politics, she says that she’s just a bard and doesn’t want to get involved in that stuff. She doesn’t even care about the civil war at first. She's just furious that they were going to execute her and Lucien, who she was travelling with at the time. But, as time passes and she gets comfortable in the land of Skyrim, it truly saddens her that the country is falling apart because of stupid, stubborn people. As for picking a side, she’d like to knock some sense into both sides.

5. She doesn’t hate the Empire, but boy does she wish they’d be a bit less stubborn (at least make levitation legal, for Gods’ sakes). She knows that the Empire is trying to keep everything in control and that the allegiance with the Thalmor is solely too keep the peace. Speaking of Thalmor, she absolutely hates them. Anyone that thinks they’re above all, is racist, exclusivist and elitist is on her list of people she strongly dislikes. The killing and torturing that the Thamor do makes her blood boil sometimes. It’s unfair and horrible and she hopes that karma will work her magic and they end up being treated as they treat everyone else.

Thank you again for the tag and sorry for the huge essay haha. I could talk about my ocs all day. This was really fun!

#ask #skyrim oc #ldb oc #oc: ravonna #my oc

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taeyongfmd · 2 years

Text

below the cut is an ash update / overview / plot call for the fourth quarter. like this, reply, or message me if you’d like to plot based on this and we can get something going!

overview

ash is a boring man who lives in his studio and doesn’t do anything exciting.

i wish i was kidding

um, but basically now that polaris’s tour is over (or over after their encore concerts), he’s just focused on writing music. it’s mostly for himself and his upcoming next album, which i guess he’ll be finished writing soon.

he’s sort of kept it to himself and not shared too much with dimensions so that they can’t put deadlines on him and pressure him too much. after his two hiatuses, i think they’re more hesitant to try to force him to do too much anyway lmao. he’s dropped one single off of the album and has another confirmed for release in november tho, so there is some pressure. it’s a new chapter, but also a continuation of blacklight so he’s trying not to worry too much about how it will be received

he hates dynamite more by the day and does not want anyone to mention it in his presence

when he first heard the demo of the final version, he was like ,,, well this is kind of empty and generic. but now that it’s become their most successful song they’ve ever released, he full out hates it. yes, he has a melody credit on it. yes, the royalties are good. no, he does not want to acknowledge it exists.

so he’s pretty unhappy with polaris right now and just hopes their next song is better and more successful to overshadow dynamite. torn between wanting to write stuff to submit for that and giving up because they might take something from it and warp it into dynamite 2.0 anyway

he honestly doesn’t have a ton going on claim-wise this quarter. he’s going to tour after his next album release but i still have to claim that before i can really write anything about it

he’ll be participating in the culture complex stuff only as much as he’s pushed to (which can be anything i need for him for plotting reasons lmao). he simply does Not care abt it. he is doing the mini-concert though because that’s one thing he actually likes to do

plots

if anyone has ever hated a song their group put out with the passion of 10000 suns, they can commiserate with him over his growing resentment toward dynamite. it’s not like polaris hasn’t had songs he didn’t like before, their whole debut era exists for one and he resented boy with luv for what it symbolized to him, but he’s never resented one quite as much as dynamite.

someone can run into him at the pre-opening party and try to make his time a liiiitle less miserable. he’s just not a fan of networking and socializing.

though i refuse to have my muses ever acknowledge the other exists, he’ll honestly probably go to mirae’s halloween party, or some other halloween party with a similar vibe. ash gets messy at those kinds of parties so it’s possible he almost throws up on someone’s shoes or randomly starts crying in the middle of conversation with someone that gets a little too deep or keeps going on about how he loves someone’s song and can’t take a hint

i’m still debating about a workshop for him, but he’s open for a possible dual host one. honestly, he probably would only be interested in doing one on songwriting or producing or maybe playing an instrument? singing or dancing would be possibilities, but i see those being more interesting for him if it’s someone with a different style or experience to him.

ash is actually free on new year’s eve for once! that’s super rare for him, so he might invite a close friend over or even end up at some nye party? also equally possible he resigns to spending it alone but someone finds out and is like, hey!! you can’t ring in the new year alone!! (please). he could also run into someone else alone on new years if he like . goes for a walk or something . idk

i kind of really want ash’s blind date plot (’nobody’) filled just to push him to not shun all chances to connect with someone, even as a friend, and maybe make a little bit of progress in that area since he’s kind of alone without many/any close people in his life rn and it’s his own fault :( (the plot doesn’t have to develop as romantic in nature, it’s just under the intimate category since it’s a blind date)

ash’s birthday is on december 24. he’s planning to spend it alone probably because that’s always his plan but someone can force him out of his self-pity exile. he’d probably be equally find with going out or staying in if he doesn’t have to spend it alone lmao (ash likes being alone but being alone on his birthday just makes him feel pathetic)

he’s always available to talk potential music production and features on other muses’ music too

idk, i’m open to ideas as well. i think he has fewer active plots than mirae right now which is probably a first lmao

#famedcall

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onyxisnotuniqueenough · 1 year

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What are some like random headcanons you have of Matt (Murdock)? Like his favourite scents and songs?

WARNING : SORRY ABOUT THE SPACING IT KEEPS LAGGING I HOPE IT DOESN'T MAKE THIS UNREADABLE. VERY SORRY. IF YOU HAVE A SOLUTION OR TIPS FOR SPACING THE ELEMENTS OF THE LIST PLEASE TELL ME!!

oooooooooooooooooooooh

i've thought about this but never somehow posted about it??? like i post about casting ancient greek philosophers but not matt?? weird

also you never have to specify 'murdock' to me <3 he's one of the only five things i have on my mind at all times

keep in mind this is about MY opinions on LIVE ACTION matt. I have not gotten into any daredevil comics just yet but I'm planning on it - so i'm obviously not very knowledgeable about the comic version of the character!!

also we are going to disregard the "90s top 40 hits" comment from when he was with elektra for the music part

He doesn't focus on it that much in public settings or obviously as Daredevil, cause ofc he fights sweaty people in the darkened stinky alleys of Hell's kitchen, but I feel like his home would be spotless. A few spots of blood sometimes, but usually spotless

Also prefers non-alcohol, unscented or natural cleaning products ofc ofc (maybe even carries a little bottle of natural unscented hand sanitizer sometimes)

as for favorite scents, I feel like he'd love subtle sweet scents more than cologne or perfume- like the lingering smell of cinnamon or vanilla on Carver after she's been bak--- and for himself, relies on the fresh laundry and unscented shampoo for normal days, splurges with a very careful amount of traditionally musky or "manly" cologne for events. very particular about how and where he applies it.

doesn't like cooking that much even if he's amazing at it??

Foggy, in college, as the ultimate wingman, used to advertise those cooking skills to ladies

Also, Foggy has been begging for a recipe for something, that Matt has been refusing to give him for YEARS. They argue about it during holidays, especially thanksgiving when he brings that same dish or pastry to the Nelson family reunion (just to spite him)

Matt's cooking is also sometimes something they bet on! like if Matt loses he has to cook for Foggy or something. If Foggy loses he still cooks for him, but he just puts the bag or boxes in his office and doesn't mention it and leaves before Foggy can argue

He used to hate coffee but he grew to really love it over time, and is now specific about how he really enjoys it. (and bear with me here, has been searching for a perfect coffee place and well, well, well....what have we here....THE CHISEL MUAHAHAH)

In college he had a caffeine pill phase, when he hated it but needed the caffeine

Likes classical music! I feel like he'd really like Puccini. and Vivaldi. (Vivaldi used to be a priest, and was apparently nicknamed the Red Priest due to his red hair. how appropriate is that) - just late-baroque in general. Thinks Tchaikovsky or Mahler are cool too

Also likes old-school rap

ohhh and i can see him not like rock that much but i imagine his Dad making him listen to classic rock and telling him that "it's music at it's finest" and air-guitar to Hendrix or Santana to make him laugh. (tbh Jack has that "i used to play guitar" vibe to him.)

Doesn't listen to music as much as anyone else of course - but that's because there's a certain guilt to it. Matt would be someone who'd always want to stay alert, for his sake but mostly everybody else's. Shutting the world out by focusing on music feels almost selfish because what if someone needs help and he doesn't hear them, or not in time? For the same reason that he keeps pushing himself to save people or "bring justice" in his own way. He just wants to help and save everyone and doesn't allow himself to take proper breaks or relax.

But honestly, i feel like it'd be cute to imagine him reminiscing about music his dad showed him, or discuss composers with Father Lantom

now sorry if this post is a little long, but this is what I thought about already, although if you give me some time i'd probably come up with more tbh

thank you so much for asking!!

tell me what you think or what you agree/disagree with :)

#onyx gets asks!#daredevil #matt murdock

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commanderquinn · 10 months

Text

Good Space Chapter 3: Hey Gringo

! i dont! keep these posts! updated! like i do! ao3!

that means you're going to find typos and shit (and possibly minor detail changes) that don't match the ao3 version! that's because im not going to bother fixing the tumblr posts until i finish good space as a whole. im only uploading them here as a backup tbh

—

master list / ao3 chapter link

—

warnings: ayyy!! none this time!! unless you wanna count Highly Disrespectful Thoughts ❤️ tho!!! the flashbacks are shuri, heads up for anyone who is a big baby (like me) and still crying over WF. also (shocker) bucko angst/panic attacks

song: it KALEO time!! istg there are golden oldies and hippie classics on this intended playlist, we just havent gotten to them yet. this choice is mega self-indulgent on my end ngl, buuuuut thats the whole fic in general lbr (side note: every time i write Angy Ava, i want you to imagine the vocal intensity of jefferson airplane’s lead singer, grace slick)

the timing of this chapter could NOT have been better with the probably-russian hackers knocking out ao3 that long. i mean it dude, im pretty sure the universe had a good chuckle over this one bc i sure as shit had to sit here and go “youre pullin my leg bud”

also now feels like a good time to mention, for absolutely no reason in particular (definitely not bc of Bucky being a Huge Simp this chapter), that i hc bucky as a dom with service top leanings. i just didnt wanna give the impression that reader is dom for this and accidentally get anyones hopes up with no payoff. i try to avoid that as much as i can bc god knows i drop Big Honkers on y’all every damn chapter, id hate for you to get all the way to the end of this and not get your cookie, y’know? (i am, ofc, down to write mega sub bucky for smut-shot requests)

also remember when i mentioned giving ava a HANDFUL of physical details for writing fuel? 🌝 (ur gonna think im funny rlly soon, dw)

anyways if you dont have adhd, good luck and god speed with the idiots thinkin abt each other in this chapter ❤️ im so sorry in advance 🥺😔

—

Febuary 17th, 2015

"Good morning, Sh—"

"Have you left your worthless husband yet?" Shuri impatiently taps a finger against her elbow, where her arms are crossed over her chest.

She watches Ava sigh on the other end of the vidcall. The woman looks too tired. She needs rest. Shuri wants to stab Alec all over again. She's going to make a new, self-lacing, possibly electrified dagger just for the occasion. "I know you're just trying to—"

"We can come to get you. I will send T'Challa. You must promise me that you will have him get me something from Washington." Shuri raises a stern finger, pointing it directly at the camera. "Do not let him pick it out himself—"

"Shuri, honey, I love you with all my heart, but please—"

"I want you to pick it. The furniture in your office is ridiculous; I want something like that."

A smile far too small pulls at the corners of Ava's lips. Her smile used to move freely, and it will do so again if Shuri has any say in the matter. Which she does. "Well, thank you, I work very hard to keep it ridiculous. Now—"

"It will make me think of you whenever you are not around to make fun of my brother with me. My mother will get the lawyers you need to start your divorce—"

"I—sweetheart, please, it's been a very long night—"

"It is the afternoon where you are. You have not even had breakfast, have you? Of course not. You are busy doing the work while Alec—"

"Shuri!" Ava puts a hand over her eyes and takes an unsteady breath in. "I'm sorry. This is—it's been a long night. I didn't mean to yell at you—"

"You need to start yelling much more, Ava. Aim it at your worthless husband while you tell him you are leaving," Shuri argues, entirely fed up with how the doctor allows the spineless dickhead to make her miserable. "T'challa will remove him for you while you stay here with us."

Alec—she refuses to call him Ryder; the man does not deserve to have taken the doctor's name—leans into the camera view, his expression bored. Dismissive. Shuri wants to smash his wrinkling, greasy face in with her fist. "While I appreciate the offer, your majesty, my wife and I can handle our private life alone."

Shuri glares back at him, one of her eyebrows hiked as far up as she can comfortably get it. "Do you really think being aware of your presence on this call will deter me from reminding my friend that you are a demon?" She looks pointedly at Ava, who's still covering her eyes. "He is a demon. A pasty, rude demon."

"Alec is going to shut the fuck up now, I promise." The fingers over Ava's eyes pull in until she's pinching the bridge of her nose tightly. She looks as if she's fighting off a migraine. She probably is. And it is Alec's fault. "That way, we can get this over with, and I can finally get some sleep—"

"Which you need and are not getting enough of." The words slip out before Shuri can stop them.

Ava's shoulders deflate slightly. Her hand drops, and she attempts another smile that doesn't reach her eyes, making Shuri feel a pang of guilt. "No, I'm not. But I will, just as soon as we finish the basic adaptation matrix. I promise."

Ava always encourages her to speak her mind, no matter what. Sometimes it gets her into trouble. She is not looking to berate her favorite Canadian; she loves leaving the vidcomm between their labs on. The open connection is a comforting window into the outside, one that lets Shrui indulge in any question or raving that passes through her mind.

Alec is a poison in her friend's life, and Shuri will not back down from reminding her of that. But mother and Nakia have sat with her over this, explaining that sometimes, an abused heart will cling to what hurts it. They have to be supportive while Ava works through this. She's getting there. Just not nearly fast enough for Shuri's patience.

Father has been reminding them all that Alec is a risk, given what he knows. Trusting Ava means trusting her for the duration, and they can't go back now. If she says she is handling the issue of separating the man from her work, they have to allow her room to do that. But T'Challa has been ordered to keep close, or at the very least, ready to go.

As much as she despises Alec, Shuri does not wish to see Ava hurt in this. Not any more than necessary. She is also not interested in trying to control her friend the way her mother sometimes tries to control her. It is infuriating.

So, taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders, she lets some of the fight leave her. For the sake of Ava, not the pasty demon. "I have the latest build ready for transfer."

"You're sure you've secured the connection on your end?" Alec has the audacity to question, even outside of the frame. "I'm not interested in spending my week chasing traces of this—"

"Do I look as if I will hesitate to strike you, colonizer?!"

—

"I'm just saying, Humpty Dumpty."

"Fuck off," Bucky wheezes at the billionaire, compressing the towel he grabbed from his new medkit against his ribs. Why he expected to make it through his first mission back without having to crack it open, he's not entirely sure now that he's sitting in the hindsight. Getting shot today was, if he's honest with himself, entirely predictable. It's his luck, after all.

"We let you out of the house again for five minutes, and you've already broken yourself." Tony shakes his head as he tsk's, making Bucky roll his eyes lazily. "What's Ryder going to think? If you keep this up, you'll give the woman a complex about draining your mojo."

"She's going to think I throw myself in front of armor-piercing rounds for idiots that don't notice when they're being shot at." The mention of Ava brings the doctor's smiling face to the forefront of his mind. Bucky leans back against the Quinjet's co-pilot seat, letting his eyes fall closed.

He could take care of this latest injury himself. That's what he usually does. Thanks to the serum, all he has to do is keep the wound clean for a few hours while his body stitches itself back together. Nothing's broken, and he'd be in much more pain if anything were punctured. Hell, he'd probably be dead already. The fix for this is so easy it'll practically handle itself.

"You always get so cranky after you've played the hero." He hears Tony kick his feet up on the Quinjet's main controls. "Take a breather. Maybe a bow or two. Believe it or not, it's possible to accept a compliment now and then."

"Grandstand more often, got it."

Ava's probably going to hear about today's incident now that Bucky thinks about it. If anything, Steve's going to make sure of it. He doubts she'd guilt him for not being comfortable with an optional trip to medical. They've been having more conversations about boundaries and comfort, and she's been unwaveringly supportive of him moving at his own pace.

"You don't have to grandstand, you gigantic baby," Natasha chides from between the chairs. Her hand smacks against his shoulder, making Bucky grunt softly. "A whole new world is going to open up for you when you relearn to accept praise."

Tony snorts, long and loud. "Has he reached that stage of modern education yet?"

"I reached that stage of education before you were born, Stark." Bucky's not territorial over his reputation anymore; those days are long since passed. The grand majority of his mojo got left in the 40s. He's just tired of Tony's shit. That's all it is.

He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Ava might feel bad that he didn't come to her for something like this. He doesn't... want that. He doesn't want her thinking that he doesn't welcome her help or that he doesn't trust it. He... he does. He doesn't just appreciate having the option; he enjoys it. The new routine is a breeze, and his neck feels better than it ever has. At least that he can remember.

"I'm confused," Tony mumbles around a mouthful of snacks. The man never stops eating. "Are we talking about your no-no years, or did you and Rogers hit up underground bars before Germany?"

"I know all his secrets from the vanilla days; they never went to any of the fun ones," Natasha confirms. It's not like Bucky was going to take the verbal bait anyways. Steve still falls for it regularly.

"I like how you don't deny having the rest of the answer; I feel like it tells me all I can tolerate about the icicles when it comes to this. That's my favorite part about you, Romanoff. You know when I don't need to know, you know?"

His dumbass friends might as well be background noise with Bucky's mind this firmly in the memory of Ava's office. She's been so good to him, especially over this last week while she pushed through all the red tape for him. He'd been expecting it to take an eternity of hounding Steve all by his lonesome, but she got him back in the field in under two weeks. His best friend had actually been kind of pissy about it behind closed doors. For Bucky, it was like getting sprinkles on top of his cake.

He's been thinking about getting flowers delivered to her lab for the trouble. It feels like too much whenever his thumb hovers over the confirmation button. He's reached the part of staring at the order details four times.

"I'm pretty sure your country doesn't appreciate it as much as you do. They tend to fight cold wars over it."

"Well, yeah, but our country—you see what I did there? That was a pretty funny communism joke. And it works as a reminder for both of us that you're actually an American citizen these days; isn't that wild? Back to the point here, our country fights wars over stuff we do ourselves all the time, so that doesn't feel like a fair reason to dismiss our friendship."

The doctor's forcing him to expand his music library. Her taste there is as scattered as her taste in movies, but she's got some leading themes he's been able to pin down. The 60s and 70s are huge for her, expectedly, and she's got a lot of nostalgia over the 90s. Paige keeps her versed in all things pop, folk, and country, according to her.

"If I start referring to the US as my country, you people will expect me to do things like register to vote. Or put up wallpaper."

"I don't think anyone's expecting you to be legally allowed to do that. The voting thing, not the wallpaper. In most states. For multiple reasons. Although, the wallpaper might be a good call."

Ava invited him to their absurdly large archive of playlists during his second session. The ones Paige curates are nothing but insanity. Not one of them makes a lick of sense. Bucky decided that he should have expected that, given her Energizer Bunny reputation. Ava's are less scattered; more organized. Soothing for his mind to digest. He's been using them as workout music ever since. And driving music. And general background noise.

"I don't think I'd know where to start buying wallpaper. Do you even want me putting that shit on your expensive building?"

"Not really, but the idea of walking in on you rolling paste on the living room walls is worth anything it could take to fix them later."

God, she's funny, too. He could listen to the woman's awful, soul-crushing puns and subsequent cackling for hours. He'll never say that to her face, not for as long as he lives, but they've made him feel lighter every morning that he's gone to let her work him over. He's already stolen two of them to torture Sam with. Another thing he's not going to tell her.

"Maybe I should start smaller. Bruce keeps suggesting a car that has legal registration."

"Heeey, that could work. You'll be signing up for mailing lists and bitching about state tax in no time. You know what?" He hears Tony snap his fingers. "We should get you a houseplant. Work you up to having a fish or something."

Alright. Maybe he'll go to Ava. He doesn't want her to think he's trying to blow off her expertise again. Or that he's avoiding her. He's not; he really does like hanging out in her office. Even if it's technically a medical appointment. He's a lot more eager to visit her than his therapists, that's for sure.

"I am not paying taxes," Natasha scoffs. "If you think I'm tying a legal address to my name, you're out of your fucking mind. Moreso than usual."

"You don't think you'd enjoy having a cave to lurk in?"

"What makes you think I don't have one already?"

"I'm talking about a real house, not a safe house."

This injury isn't related to his cybernetics. It's his ribs, well below any of his implants. He's not entirely out of the loop when it comes to what doctors have to do to get their licenses. She no doubt had to pull a lot of hard hours during her residency. Maybe she doesn't want to patch up the tower's notorious grouch every time he takes a hit. But he doubts she'd ever be impolite enough to refuse him walking in.

"I have my space here: bathroom, laundry room, small kitchen. If I haven't bothered decorating that, what makes you think I'll want to do it for an entire house?"

"Aww, come on. Look at Ryder! She's having all kinds of fun making her place as obnoxious as possible. That could be you after a few online shopping sprees."

Bucky's eyes open slowly, his brows drawing in when the second verbal mention of Ava pulls parts of his attention back to the conversation.

Fuck, not going to medical still leaves the option of her taking offense. Okay. Alright. So, he'll split the difference and go to emergency intake. He's pretty sure she's listed as his surgical contact in the tower now—he can't stomach looking at his own medical file, not even the written records. Any injury this big will get flagged for trauma support, and she'll be notified. Then it's up to her what she wants to do. That feels like a good compromise.

"She's doing that to reclaim it from Alec; that's different. I don't have the same motivation. For me, it's just going to be extra work.

"Who's Alec?" Bucky asks without thinking. If the universe doesn't hate him today, Natasha's just going to assume he's being his usual kind of paranoid.

"She hasn't mentioned him?" Tony sounds surprised. "Alec's her ex-husband."

Ex-husband? She was married? And she's not anymore, meaning she might be—

He shuts down that train of thought immediately.

Reclaiming the space of her house implies they lived in it long enough to form some heavy memories. She hasn't mentioned having a kid, and she strikes him as the type to bring up something like that pretty fast. So it was just the two of them, most likely.

"People usually don't like talking about the egocentric sack of shit they used to coexist with," Natasha points out. Of course, she already knows about the doctor's history. It's her.

"Bad divorce?" he prods, trying not to sound overly invested in the answer. These assholes will take it as an invitation.

"Oh, the worst," Tony confirms. "Shithead tried fighting her on it tooth and nail. She had to borrow my legal team just to get the guy to fuck off and leave her alone. He even kept her surname after the divorce; can you believe that?"

An uneasy feeling starts to rise in his gut, making Bucky look over at him. Then up at Natasha. "What kind of won't leave her alone are we talking about?"

"Down, fido, my lawyers took care of it. There's no need to start tailing him. Aside from being a self-absorbed asshole that insists they'll," Tony's voice turns scornful as his fingers form air quotes, "work things out with time, he's toothless."

"She's got concealed carry permits she earned properly if that makes you feel better," Natasha offers up. The thought does help ease the tension building in him.

He won't read Ava's file, no matter how bad the buzzing gets. But he might check in with JARVIS about her home security. He's noticed her name on the system logs. She, or at least her house, is linked to SHIELD's network despite her general distrust of the organization. He understands the opposing priorities completely.

He caved and read Wyatt's file two nights ago. The buzzing had been building since Ava mentioned him wanting an autograph, and it finally got to be too much. Nothing's lurking there aside from an impressive list of historians from all the fuck over Georgia and Alabama. The kid's got more family than some towns have population.

Bucky leans forward with a muted groan to change the autopilot's intended LZ of the Avenger's balcony to the entrance hanger for medical. If he's going to grit his teeth through the antiseptic over a couple small holes, he's damn sure not going to haul his ass through half the tower while his ribs leak. His patience has limits, and that's pretty fucking far over the starting line.

Tony looks over at him with a deep, suspicious frown. Bucky frowns at him right back with the same level of scrutiny. He can feel Natasha staring a hole into the side of his head, even if he can't catch her in his peripherals. He hates both of them with a passion at the moment. He knows what's about to happen—

"Did you just… prioritize your own health," Tony questions like he's baffled by the very idea. His whole upper body turns in the seat as he looks up at Natasha excitedly. "Oh my god. He's doing it. All by himself." He raises a hand to his chest and looks back at Bucky. "They grow up so fast."

It's good that the autopilot is on. If it weren't, Bucky would be tempted to crash them out of spite, mostly because he's sure he'd survive it. "Very funny."

"All it took was a hippie that gives him candy," Natash adds, her voice dripping with smugness. "Who knew."

"Both of you can fuck off." Bucky doesn't like how close she just got to his primary motivation on the first try. Old habits die hard, et cetera. And he hates that he can't tell if she was trying to guess. If he's lucky, which he isn't, she was just making fun of him.

Natasha knows about his visits to the florist's website; he's fucking convinced of it now. He doesn't know how, and he can't outright call her on it. If he does, he could fuck up and make himself right. There is nothing worse than having the Black Widow as metaphorical family. Not even Steve's hovering.

She and Tony harass him for the remainder of the flight. It's not long, mercifully, and he's starting to regret not grabbing something for the doctor. They were in Montreal, of all places, so it would have been fitting. He figures she'll understand once he shows her his side. The train of thought makes him wonder what part of Canada she's originally from. She hasn't brought it up.

His foot is already bouncing by the time he reaches the elevator. He's still got the surgical towel shoved tightly against his ribs. He hopes she gets there fast if she ends up taking the call. The last thing he wants to do right now is sit around in the burn of antiseptic and bleach while he fights off the urge to bolt.

This is good, Bucky reminds himself as he takes his first few steps into medical. He's sat through plenty of trips to emergency intake. He can handle walking into his first optional one. It's a non-issue. Completely.

When JARVIS informs him that his file and general vital scan have been submitted for intake, the buzzing gets so intense that he almost leaves. The pace of his sergeant walk, as Sam likes to designate it, slows to a crawl. Then he thinks about a doctor with concealed carry permits. One that lets her house be monitored by a government organization she's actively pushing herself to trust. All in an effort to contribute something good to the world. The buzzing eases, and he picks up his pace, headed for the solo observation room JARVIS listed for him.

There's no moment of standing involuntarily from nerves this time. He doesn't have to force himself to sit back down and wait, even though the room smells wrong. His skin is crawling, and he wants nothing more than to put a throwing knife in his hand like a goddamn security blanket. But he doesn't panic. He doesn't try leaving.

Baby steps.

When the door opens, it's devastating. There's no diminutive hippie with UFO-sized glasses smiling at him on the other side of it. It's a guy in a plain white lab coat without artistic stitching, one that Bucky's never met before in his life. He's already squinting down at a tablet, meaning this will be his doctor for the duration.

This was the worst plan he could have possibly conceived. The universe is humbling him for thinking he could get away with something like this without some kind of suffering. He just wanted to make up for being dismissive of her help initially. Now he gets to sit through this. How fucking grand.

"Barnes?" The doctor that's not Bucky's doctor looks up, his heart rate elevating by a few notches. He's putting in a lot of effort to look confident. It's not exactly working. "I'm Dr. Erickson. I'm guessing you're here for the bullet wounds JARVIS detected?"

"Yup." Bucky's not about to volunteer for small talk at the moment. It's a miracle he hasn't jumped off the biobed yet. "Where's Ryder?"

"Your primary is in a staff meeting at the moment." Erickson puts his tablet down on the supply cabinet's main counter. He's already starting to gather what he needs, leaving Bucky to figure out real quick if he's actually willing to do this. "Don't worry; I'll get you sewn up and on your way in no time."

He doesn't want it getting back to Ava that he bailed the moment she couldn't show up. He doesn't want to leave her with the impression that he's only going to take on medical care if it's her; that's not anywhere near fair. The woman is a brain surgeon, not his private physician. He can grow the fuck up and accept help from people that haven't gone through his gauntlet of verification.

"Great," he pushes out, lifting the side of his undershirt to offer an unobstructed view.

It's not great; it's fucking horrendous. The first touch of the new doctor makes the overly physical memory of the buzzing build so high, he can feel it in his teeth. They're not actually rattling in his jaw the way they did back then, he knows that, but it doesn't matter because his body is screaming at him that it's happening.

The first stitch going through his skin makes him want to put his fingers through the doctor's eye sockets. His mind goes over all the ways he can violently put at least ten feet between them without having to get up. Looking back, it's probably good he didn't reach for the throwing knives. He's not unhinged enough to stab someone unprovoked; he's better than that. But they'd have been distracting to his impulse control, that's for sure.

Dr. Handsy is pulling the first suture in tight when the door to the observation room opens again. Bucky doesn't look up, his eyes locked on a random point on the far wall while he focuses on his breathing. He only looks over when a billowing, maroon pant leg enters his peripheral.

Thanks to a bunch of dead Nazi scientists that used to hide out in the mountains of Russia, Bucky Barnes has a trigger in his brain that is entirely out of his control. One that, when activated by his own interest, lets him process his surroundings in a sliver of the time that it should for a human mind. It is exceptionally helpful in the field.

Watching Ava Ryder walk in, wearing a suede jumpsuit that mercilessly frames her curves, proves to him that having it in the 30s would have gotten him shot by someone's father. Definitely before he left Brooklyn. Or before he got chased out by several fathers banding together with baseball bats. In the time it takes her hand to come off the door handle and make its way to her hip, his mind goes on one hell of a fucking journey.

He already had more than a vague idea of the shape of her before now; he can't help it. Comes with the territory of doing threat assessment for a living. God knows his eyes have slipped down to her chest on a shameful amount of occasions. Her tits are being held up and pushed together fucking beautifully at the moment. Typically, that would hold all of his attention.

But this is the first unobstructed view of her that he's gotten, thanks to the lab coat being nowhere in sight, and good fucking god. Holy fucking shit. Godfuckingdamn.

She's half turned from him at this angle, so he's only getting a side view. That's more than enough to show off an obscenely rounded ass and the cushy thighs it rests on that are going to haunt his fucking dreams. It's bigger than his hands by a margin that's outright glorious. The mental image of his fingers digging into it, of how it would make her skin dip under the pressure, makes his blood race.

He can't spot the outline of any underwear at first. Then her hand makes contact with the jumpsuit, and his eyes pick up on it. Right there, above the top of her finger, pulled up high over her hipbone. There's a thin band leaving an impression in the fabric. An extraordinarily thin band. There is nothing else in sight.

Pulled between Ava's legs, right at this very moment in time, is a strip of fabric that Bucky's tongue would fit against perfectly. Right under that is a taste he's been catching himself wondering about for two weeks now. One good, long drag of his nose. That's all it would take to push in whatever she's picked out for the day and soak it with that taste. He could get it back out from between her lips with his tongue, pull it to the side with his teeth to give himself room to feast—

Bucky tries to shift his weight as nonchalantly as possible while his brain slows back down. The comeback from tactical analysis is always jarring, with this one being especially so.

He's the worst kind of bastard. An awful, selfish, perverted sonofabitch. There's not shit he can do to change that. How unfortunate.

"David," Ava greets, the name coming out as tense as the closed smile plastered on her face. "You can put that down."

The other doctor doesn't look up from the work his hands are doing. "That you, Ava? I heard you were—"

"Now."

Bucky's back straightens up as David looks at her nervously, taken aback. Bucky doesn't blame him; he didn't know her voice could get that forceful.

David sort of laughs, which feels like the worst possible choice to Bucky. But, hey, not his call. "What, do you want me to just—"

"I want your hands off my patient right now. I'm not asking." She watches with unwavering intensity as the other doctor lets the needle and thread drop from his hands. She visibly bristles at the patronizing expression on David's face, her head tilting aggressively. Bucky kind of wants to watch her hit him. "I'll be back in less than a minute, sergeant. I need a word outside with Dr. Erikson."

"Take your time," Bucky assures, the tension bleeding out of him already. His ribs are leaking, and there's a piece of doctor floss looped through his skin that he's going to have to cut out of himself tomorrow morning. The immoral evaluation of her outfit that his head threw at him is going to eat him alive. Forever. Especially when he's trying to fall asleep for the foreseeable future.

All things considered, though, he feels fan-fucking-tastic.

David still looks somewhat shell-shocked, and there's real insult starting to creep into his posture, but the guy doesn't argue. He follows Ava back out of the room, not bothering with a goodbye in Bucky's direction. When the door closes behind them, his super hearing picks up on Ava reaming David about prioritizing patients before ego. She goes into detail about the deep shit he'll be in with her if he keeps ignoring her written orders, long before it ever gets him fired. She tacks on why her anger should scare him a hell of a lot more than the idea of that. Then she instructs him to keep his damn hands off her patients and get back to the intake desk.

The protective streak makes Bucky's chest feel warm, a half-smile pulling at his lips. She's a handful, alright. One he'd give anything to be brave enough to send flowers to.

Ava is calm, cool, and collected when she leans back in through the doorframe, hanging off it with a soft smile. "Hiya, stranger. I hear you picked a fight in my motherland today."

"I hear it has an arms dealer problem. I wanted to see if I could help." He gestures down at the needle swinging from his ribs without looking at it. "Not all Canadians are as welcoming as you, turns out."

"Eh?" she fires back, hamming up the accent. "Wellll, I'm not about to let a few cranky arms dealers tarnish our reputation. What do you say you push that bandage against your new bragging rights, and we head for my office?"

Licking his bottom lip nervously, he tries to give her a confident smile. "You were busy with something."

"Not too busy for my favorite popsicle." One eyebrow raises sternly. "You are not allowed to tell Steve I'm playing favorites." God, she's cute when she tries to deflect. It's never worked. At least not on him.

"That's—" Shit, where to even find the fucking words for her. "You don't have to do this. Go out of your way like this. I don't mind getting patched up by random medics. Comes with the job."

Her smile turns impish. "That's cool and all, but I mind when people ignore basic ethics just to have a story about stitching up an Avenger. If you need to tell yourself I'm using you as fuel for a workplace pissing contest, go for it. Whatever gets you off that biobed." She leans back, leaving the door open wide behind her. "Come on; I can't stand the way they organize these damn shelves. I wouldn't patch you up in here even if you did pay me. Next time, head for my office first."

Bucky does as she ordered, pushing the surgical towel she packed for him against his side, not minding the sting in the least. He swallows down the point that, by every definition there is, he's not an Avenger. "I'll follow you, doc."

—

"Alright," Wyatt plops his hands down on the glass of the holo, his expression determined. His tight curls bounce with the motion, making their resident gumdrop look adorable, even through the discomfort. "Let's get to dissectin' this cacophony. All in one go, preferably, so I don't feel like yackin' up my lunch two days runnin'."

Ava's head tilts sympathetically. "Oh, honey, tell me you didn't—"

His hand comes up, with his index finger pointed to the ceiling. "Nope. But I got close a couple'a times thinkin' about this." He mutters several things under his breath about creepy Nazi bastards while he pulls up the raw data from Bucky's implants. "All the more reason to get it the hell over with."

"A whole day of digging through coded war crimes," Hannah deadpans quietly, raising a steaming mug to her lips. "I'm glad we get the fun assignments."

"You'd ditch us if we didn't," Ava jokes. She scrolls through the sergeant's file absentmindedly on her tablet, reviewing the vitals added just a few hours ago. He actually came to medical. For something as minor as a field injury. Of his own volition.

"Mmm. I don't know. It's pretty fun watching a brain move like Jell-O. You might have been able to convince me to stick around just for that."

SHIELD's primary system makes a blaring noise of disagreement as Wyatt loads the main file structure. He frowns, looking over at Ava with concern. "Its askin' for administrative override."

"Heeey, that's that thing Tony says I'm not supposed to abuse. That's probably not a good sign." Ava pushes her glasses further up the bridge of her nose and leans over to get a look at the error. "JAR, I'd like some reassurance we're not about to trigger an ancient LoJack if you wouldn't mind advising here."

"There are safeguards in place for importing code with an unknown source," JARVIS reports in. The warning on the screen is dismissed, presumably by him, and a new window comes up. A log of the programming in Bucky's cybernetics going through digital quarantine loads rapidly, with line after line being highlighted in red and labeled HYDRA Suspected. "I will process them for you. One moment."

"We have to clean the Nazi code before we can beat it to death," Hannah mumbles against the rim of her mug. "I think I kind of like that."

"Please, Hannie, I'm hangin' on by the skin'a my teeth here." Scrubbing his hands over his face, Wyatt groans exhaustedly. He drags them down slowly, giving Hannah a pleading look over the tops of his fingers. "You know I'm always here for supportin' you—"

"I'm aware." The ex-marine's clipped tone makes Ava snort and look back down at her tablet. They both know stopping him now isn't going to cut off the word vomit.

Wyatt's hands thunk back down onto the glass. "I'm so proud'a ya, y'know that—" And there's the thickening of the accent.

"I know."

Ava's eyes skim over the list of everything detected in Bucky's wound, locking on the word leather in particular. Today was her first look at his work gear—she's got a feeling he doesn't call it a uniform—in person. It was hard to keep professional in front of six and a half feet of Hi, how are ya? wrapped up in that much heavy black. The sounds that his vest made when he dropped it on the coffee table— Jesus. He's got to be packing enough in there to arm a small country.

"All's I'm sayin' is that if I have to hear about murder right now, I might actually upchu—"

"Please don't."

Ava's too scared to ask what's in the sergeant's pants for a multitude of reasons. Professionalism is lower on the list than it probably should be. It's a shame, too. He's downright hilarious when he lets himself talk. There's not a doubt in her mind that he'd come up with something unbearably good—and unwaveringly dry—in response to the loaded question.

"A'right then. We're in agreement. No bad thoughts today. We go in like—like excavators, right? With our helmets and our 'lil pickaxes, and we get what we need so we can—" The way he cuts himself off makes Ava look back up in concern. She finds the most horrified expression on Wyatt's face. "That—ah shit, that didn't come out all that right. That was mean, wannit? Insensitive. I'm not tryin' to belittle what the sergeant's been through."

"You weren't belittling anything," Ava assures, reaching out to rub his arm. "I think he'd be the first one to race you to a fossil joke about this."

"You'll tell 'im I'm takin' this serious, won't ya—"

A small chuckle escapes before she can stop it. "Wyatt, sweetheart, it's not like he heard you—"

"You take your pills today, Combs?" Hannah's calm question makes the gumdrop freeze in place. She blows on her coffee, taking a small sip. "If you say you don't remember, I'm going to—"

Wyatt snaps his fingers, his expression shifting to relief. "I didn't, and I remember why, too." He rolls his chair back with a sudden push, aiming for his desk. He reaches out before the chair finishes the trip to grab his patch-covered messenger bag. "One'a the cats got int'a my coat closet; dumbass got stuck on a shelf for reasons I'm still not real clear on." He pops open his medication bottle, tossing a pill into his mouth with a level of dexterity that makes her jealous. "The hollerin' was s'damn loud, I thought the landlord was gonna come knockin'."

"Which one was it?" Ava asks. "Not the new kitten?"

"No, no—Juno's been'a dream. It was Galileo again. I love that furry little bastard, but sometimes he can drive me nutty ." He pauses to take a swig from another glossy vacation mug. Today's is advertising a campground Ava's never heard of that's the best in the Rockies, according to the swirling font. "I got new pictures of Juno if you want 'em, though."

"Yes, please," Ava confirms happily. Holding the teacup-sized ball of fur made her whole month when he last brought Juno in. Hannah ended up hogging most of the cuddle time, but the sound of little meows filling the day had been enough to make up for it.

Wyatt pulls his phone from his back pocket and brings it around to hook up to the holo. The system dings with the sound of a successful transfer after a moment. He loads a collection of new photos, zeroing in on one of Juno clawing her way up a window curtain—

The power to the lab shuts off with a loud, electric click. Everything plunges into darkness with the privacy setting on the glass walls keeping the sun out. It comes back on before Ava can react, the building's primary system switching to the emergency power grid. She and Wyatt lock eyes in panic.

"Oooh man, boss, did I just—"

"I'm sure you didn't," Ava comforts, trying to push down her own panic. It helps that she's heard Tony rambling about the work he's put into making this place indestructible. "JAR?"

There's no response from the AI. She trades another nervous glace with Wyatt.

"I know it was probably the Nazi shit, but I'm hoping it was the cats," Hannah says, sounding sincere. "I feel like that'll make a much better story."

"Oh my god, did I break JAR?" Wyatt looks between them frantically. "How often does he back up his servers? Did I kill'a piece'a JAR?!"

"I have not been murdered," the AI confirms after nearly a minute of being gone. "The safeguards reported a false positive regarding the programming of Sergeant Barnes' cybernetics. It has been handled."

Ava gives the hologram wall of code a warry look. "Handled by you?" There's a suspicion building in her gut around his phrasing, one that she's not planning on letting out of her teeth.

"Mr. Stark has a protocol in place that cuts off my servers in the event of any irregular activity. Given the nature of the programming's origin, the system is designed to er on the side of caution."

"That's a really fancy way of dancing around the point, JAR." She's trying to stay civil about this. It's not an easy venture, and she's pretty sure it's not translating at all. Even she can hear the frustration in her voice. "How about we cut the shit, and you tell me what the false positive was."

"There are automated routines running for Sergeant Barnes' implants. They are not harmful; I've taken the liberty of checking them personally now that they've been cleared through quarantine. I am creating a stable update to forward to—"

"How long have they not been harmful, JARVIS?"

Hannah sits up from her relaxed position at the avoidance of their favorite nickname for the AI. Wyatt's brows pull in nervously, his eyes never leaving Ava. They both know exactly what she's digging at.

There's a long hesitation from JARVIS. Short by normal social standards but an eternity for a sentience with quantum processors. "There is not currently a risk posed within the Sergeant's—"

Ava's out of her chair and halfway to the door before he even finishes the omission. Fueled by some of the most intense rage she's ever felt in her life, she marches out on swift feet. She's going to kill him. She's going to string him up—maybe hang him off the side of the tower.

America's fucking Sweetheart, her ass. America's Doomed Liar is a lot more like it.

"Where is he," Ava nearly growls, still stalking down the halls, leaving the medical wing in a hurry. "JARVIS, I know you're still listening; you tell me where that puffed-up, hypocritical—oooh , you tell me where Rogers is right the fuck now. And then you tell me where Stark is—"

"Dr. Ryder, I know you're not inclined to believe this at the moment, but I assure you—"

"You're right; I'm not inclined to do that at all." She takes a deep breath as she passes through the front entrance, slowing herself to a stop. With genuine effort, she pushes down her anger. "I don't want to keep yelling at you. I don't like doing it in the first place. If you don't want to tell me where they are, I'll find them myself."

Ava heads for the elevator to do just that. She's not expecting a response as she pounds the side of her fist against the button for the Datacrux's floor. It's likely to be her best bet to find any of them. There's not a chance in hell that she's letting her team dedicate any more time to this until she gets some fucking explanations.

Halfway along the ride up, the light around the button goes dim. A flash of anger rises in her until she sees the one for the executive level illuminate.

"Mr. Stark is not currently in the tower, but you will find Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes debriefing in the Situation Room," JARVIS informs her over the elevator's intercom, making the SHEILD agents around her pretend not to look over. She's tempted to ask them if it's the outfit.

"Thank you, JAR," she offers as an olive branch. Regardless of what's truly going on here, she doubts the AI is all that comfortable with the subject.

"You're welcome, Ava."

She's only been to this part of the tower once before. Tony dragged her up to the Avenger's balcony for a party after her divorce was first finalized. That's about the extent of her experience with this section. It's not hard to find her way with everything denoted like it is in the rest of the building.

The palm of her hand smacks against the door marked Situation Room, and she shoves it open aggressively. Both super soldiers, the Falcon, Black Widow, and a scattered group of SHIELD agents stare back at her in surprise. It doesn't slow her down any.

Ava points an irate finger at Steve in the uneasy silence of the room. "Unless New York just caught fire, you and I are about to have a very blunt conversation, captain."

"Hiya, doc." Bucky, unsurprisingly, is the only one in the room smiling at her while she glares daggers at Captain America. He's still in his not-uniform. There's still blood on it. The charm he's throwing her way reminds her that they won't want an audience.

"I'm going to ask the rest of you to leave," she continues, but her eyes stay on the sergeant as her finger lowers. "I don't think you'll want to be here for this, Bucky."

"What makes you think I don't wanna watch you beat up my best friend?" He leans back in his chair, his hands coming up to rest on his stomach as his smile deepens.

"Can I stay?" Sam asks, his voice eager. It's a damn shame this is how she gets to meet him. She doubts the Falcon has any clue about unethical research.

"Come on," Natasha insists with a serene nod in Ava's direction, grabbing Sam's shirt to drag him up from his chair. "You heard her."

"I—hey!" Steve looks so insulted as he watches his friends and various coworkers abandon him with zero hesitation. "You're just gonna—I don't even know what I did!"

"Neither do I, but I am very ready to hear about it," Bucky assures Ava, not an increasingly distressed Steve.

Ava taps her foot impatiently as the room clears out, leaving her alone with the super soldiers. She ignores the nerves radiating off of one of them and focuses on the one that looks delighted. "I'm serious. This is about your case. Specifically, the work HYDRA was trying to finish."

The mirth leaves Bucky almost entirely. His posture doesn't adjust from its reclined position. "Alright. Tell me what's got you livid about it."

"Steve here made me a promise that was broken in my lab a few minutes ago."

Steve's eyebrows pull in with confusion. "Which promise? Wait—a few minutes ago—Is this about that blackout? Ava, catch me up here; what the hell is—"

"You swore to me that the intention of HYDRA—at least where Bucky's case is concerned—was to make an army of super soldiers, nothing more." She's letting him process this one step at a time. It'll make yelling at him for lying a lot easier. That, and she's honestly worried the technophobe doesn't understand the gravity of the situation.

"I—" Steve hesitates, and she watches the switch to tactical assessment come over him. It's startling to see it directed at her from a face that isn't Bucky's. "As far as I know, that was the intention."

"Yeah? You're sure about that? You're sure you're not omitting something pretty fucking important to my job, Steven?"

"JARVIS, what was the blackout?" Bucky questions at half the volume he started at when she first came in.

Ava points at the sergeant insistently. "See? I'm guessing he doesn't even know, but he's sure as hell already on the right track."

"There was an incident regarding the coding found in your implants, Sergeant Barnes. It has been handled. I have prepared an update to their systems whenever you're ready to undergo a transfer."

"As your doctor, I'm ordering it. We can go back to my office after I'm finished ripping your friend a new asshole for lying to my face." Her eyebrows lower at Bucky in indignation. She's doing this for him, but that doesn't mean she's going to let him off the hook if he knew. "We should probably figure out if I need to do the same to you before we get there."

"Hey, hang on now." Steve raises one hand, likely to try to calm her, but changes his mind and puts it back under the table. She's guessing someone's finally clued in the out-of-time man about that practice making women want to throw something. At his head. "We might not always be able to talk about classified information—something you agreed to, I might add—but I've never lied about HYDRA's intent as far as I comprehend it. I've been very careful to hold up that end of our deal."

"Let me tell you how I know, for a fact, that someone involved in this case is doing a piss-poor job of lying to me about it. Since you haven't quite figured out modern tech, I'm going to try to keep it simple." Ava points a far less aggressive, more instructing finger at Bucky's arm. "In order for that hunk of metal to work, it needs to be programmed. The hardware needs software that can tell it how to read brain signals. A few decades ago, some Nazis sat in a room and wrote a bunch of code for that software. That's what was supposed to be in Bucky's implants. That's all that was supposed to be in Bucky's implants."

"Wait—what the hell else is in them?" The flicker of fear that creeps into Bucky's expression breaks her heart. There's not a doubt in her mind that he could sell her on any lie he wants to with his mind set on it. That's the point of infiltrators like him.

But Ava's willing to bet everything she's got in this world that the fear in him at the moment is genuine. He doesn't know. And it makes her feel awful.

"Given the size of your implants, I'm guessing not much," she tries to reassure. "We can always purge whatever is there later. However, if the code were as simple as 'read this signal, do this thing,' it wouldn't have been flagged as untouchable by Tony's security measures. The ones put in specifically to prevent JARVIS from being corrupted." She crosses her arms over her chest in exasperation, her eyes moving to one of the small security cameras on the ceiling. "Would you like to explain to the captain what kind of code it would take to accomplish that, JARVIS?"

There's another human-length moment of hesitation from the AI in response. "It would take adapting code."

"The part he's holding back—definitely because he's under orders not to break SHIELD protocol—is that something has to be driving the adaptation. There is such a thing as self-adapting code; that would absolutely explain it. If we weren't talking about something made in the 40s when HYDRA needed entire warehouses just to house a few terabytes of data." She glances over at Bucky. "While I'm sure the agents you scare the piss out of would disagree, your head isn't actually big enough to hold that much."

"You flirtin' with me to stop the panic or to apologize for not being Canadian for a minute?"

Ava blinks in surprise, the slightest hint of heat coming up the sides of her neck. That—she hadn't been—well. Steve's head turns to him, his eyebrows raising in mild shock.

Bucky clears his throat, then tries for a quiet chuckle, his eyes floating between her and the table. "Sorry—it's this damn room. Puts me in sergeant mode, makes me—let's get back to yelling at Steve."

"Thanks, asshole, I appreciate—"

"What makes you think I won't yell at you just because I'm Canadian?" Ava counters, finally recovering. "You trying to stereotype me, Barnes?"

The relief that comes off of Bucky is palpable. "I'd go for the hippie thing first if I was trying to do that."

"Didn't you sleep through the McCarthy era?"

"HYDRA gave me the long and short of it between naps."

Her hand flies up to her face to block a loud snort. Damn him, this is serious. But she's not about to begrudge him the gallows humor. She lowers it again while he smirks at her. "Do you mind? I'm trying to make an angry but valid point here."

"About a bunch of code that my head isn't big enough for," he continues for her dryly, one hand coming off his stomach to gesture up at it.

Ava sighs, the amusement from getting sidetracked by the Brooklyn heartstopper fading fast. "Not big enough by the standards of the 40s. By today's standards?" Her head tilts to the side sadly, readying herself to watch that fear in him get more substantial. "You tell me, Buck. Did the Nazis work in the mindset of single projects, or did they work in the mindset of generations that would lead a global empire?"

The words are the last piece to complete the puzzle in Bucky's mind; Ava can see it happen in his eyes. The expression of horror it yanks out of him will haunt her for the rest of her days. "Zola."

It's said in a whisper, and Ava's not even sure what the word is.

It takes Steve longer to reach whatever conclusion Buckys come to, and he looks resistant to the idea at first. "No, that's... no—Buck, you've been to what's left. You know what it took—"

"That's the point she's making, stupid. Look at how small everything's gotten." He stops, and Ava doesn't miss the sight of a hard swallow. "It makes sense. Think about it. It makes sense. They took care of the car until they could find an engine that fit. I was the prototype. Or—was going to be, at least."

The comparison—the one he's using on himself—is revolting. Accurate, but astoundingly revolting. She pushes past it, leaning down to tap a condescending nail on the table. "Hi, there. Still here. Still looking for some answers. What the hell is Zola?"

With Steve watching him like a hawk, Bucky breathes a long, tired sigh. "Not what. Who."

"I can fill her in," Steve offers to him quickly. "You don't have to do this."

"Oh, I'm not doing shit. She's going to do it all." Bucky locks eyes with Ava, his expression passive. Having the Winter Soldier himself that focused in on her makes her breath catch involuntarily. "How's your Russian, doc?"

"I don't speak a word of it. Do I need to for this?"

"No, I'm sure you've got plenty of ways to translate anything you feel like reading. You should look up doveryai, no proveryai while you're at it." He leans forward, resting his arms on the table. His eyes never once move away from hers. "JARVIS, transfer a copy of my archive access to Dr. Ryder. Full permissions. And the next time she asks you a hard question, you don't have to bullshit her. Tell her to call me."

—

April 6th, 2015

"I want you to bring me with you next time."

"No."

"Is that a no because you do not agree or because you are afraid of mother?"

"Both."

Shuri frowns at the security feed, ignoring the quiet laughter she can hear coming from Nakia on the other end. "Coward."

The camera mounted on T'Challa's dashboard shakes as he turns it back to his face, his expression annoyed. "Say that to my—"

"Coward."

T'Challa rolls his eyes and turns the camera back around as Nakia laughs harder. He will be mopey now, for sure. "I am not taking you to stare at a soldier's office with us."

"Why not?"

"To start with, I refuse to be trapped in a car with you for that amount of time."

"You should be so lucky! Now, what is the real reason."

"What part of royal family do you not—"

"You get to go to these things."

"And when you leave your lab long enough to learn to use the spears of your foremothers, that privilege can extend to you."

"Okoye is always ready to teach you, Shuri," Nakia offers up diplomatically.

"I do not need a spear to sit in a car annoying my brother," Shuri argues. They always do this to her. She is tired of it.

"You do not need to sit in a car annoying your bother at all." The moping has already started. She can hear it in T'Challa's voice.

"Fine. I will go to Ava's house and stay there while—"

"No."

Shuri slams her hands down on her desk, making the various instruments on it rattle precariously. "She is my family, too!"

There's silence on the other end in the wake of her anger. Then the camera turns again, this time by Nakia's hand. She doesn't stop the spin until it's pointed to show her and T'Challa. He does not look as annoyed anymore. He looks guilty.

Nakia gives her a sympathetic smile. "No one is trying to take that from you. We are only trying to keep you safe. We do not know how far Alec is willing to take things."

"And I am not willing to present the man with more temptations of power," T'Challa adds, the guilt on his face shifting to resignation. "It is not simply because I am afraid of our mother. I agree with her. And with our father. Alec Harlow is a man that is losing everything. That is a powerful motivator, Shuri."

"I am not afraid of that spineless demon," Shuri insists angrily. "I could handle him myself, thank you very much."

"Half the school children in Wakanda could," Nakia mocks under her breath.

She gets a stern look from T'Challa before he focuses it on Shuri. "It is not his strength we are concerned with. It is the allies he can call upon at any time. Men with strength and resources that we do not wish to deal with."

Some of the fight leaves her. Not much, but it does ebb. Her brother might be an idiot, but he is right about this. Ava would not be this afraid for no reason. She has been trying to disguise it when Nakia brings her for visits, which is how Shuri knows it is serious.

"I hate that man, brother." The word is far too inadequate. The contempt she holds for the worm who put fear in the heart of her favorite mad scientist feels immeasurable.

"As do I. As do we all." T'Challa smiles at her finally, his face softening. "I promise to bring you to hit him if he is ever arrested. That is when I will deem it safe enough."

"How many times?" she chases after quickly. "Can I bring a weapon?"

"You can bring exactly one weapon. Can you guess what it is?" The smile turns sarcastic as he reaches out and turns the camera back around to face Alec's office window.

"I do not need a spear to break that man."

"No, you need it so I can stop being lectured by Okoye for enabling your avoidance of tradition."

"That will not help. She wishes for me to sit through her lessons. I would just bring the spear to hit him over the head with."

Nakia laughs, the sound light and soothing. "I am surprised you did not go straight for the idea of skewering him."

Tilting her head down at her desk, Shuri hesitates. She picks up the ridiculous coffee mug Ava got her, spinning it around in her hands with somber movements.

Ava's last visit had been especially hard to stomach. The woman had looked so... empty as she talked about the start of the divorce. There had been no vengeful joy in her as she told Shuri's father she understood the gravity of the situation. No hard-won victory in her posture. There had only been grief and shame.

Shuri sighs, turning away from the screen to head for her lab's kitchen. She is going to fill the mug with one of the teas that Ava brings her. It will be a nice change from the energy drinks she has been binging. "No. I... I do not wish the man dead. I only wish to see him locked away somewhere he can never smile again."

—author end notes—

there’s one sentence in this chapter that is 14 words long (including contractions) that is the entire foundation of their incoming dom/sub and oh my g o d when i tell you that shit was cathartic to write 😫🤌 some day when this is finished, im gonna write a whole goddamn dissertation on that one sentence and all the narrative shit that tied into it in this fic so help me (YOURE ALLOWED TO GUESS BTW)

anyways, everyone is alive in wakanda bc i said so. and nakia and t’challa are really stupid uber mega important to ava’s backstory

i feel like we’ve all, as a species, Been Through Enough. you can talk my ear off abt anything, but dont talk to me abt the opening of wakanda forever i will Literally Die, i havent cried that hard over the first watch of a movie in so fucking long and i dont think im strong enough for a second. all i ever need for binging is winter soldier and black panther anyhow (FATWS is still growing on me and i only like it so far bc im a sambucky shipper. and a stucky shipper. and a 3 musketeer shipper. and a—i like making buckaroo be in love a lot. lets just. leave it at that). we can stop with the big owies thanks. let me escape to the fictional world where everyone is alive and Nothing Hurts, t h a n k s.

well. okay. some things are gonna hurt in this. probably really super bad too and youre gonna be really really mad at me when it hits. but like. theyre set up for comfort pay off so does it even really count??? i didnt think so, ty for agreeing 😌

ily 💖 tyty for reading 💞 and tyty in advance for yelling at me when i eventually hurt u ❤️🥰 i will understand, its okay, u are entitled to the emotional compensation on that one

#chapter update #good space

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the-bau-quinjet · 2 years

Text

Cause I'm Yours

Summary: Soulmate AU where each set of soulmates has a song that only they know that kind of explains their love story! What happens when you and Steve start living yours?

Warnings: nothing that I can think of aside from slight angst!

Word Count: 9251

a/n: another fic idea that came to me while listening to music on the way home from work :) The song I used is Secret Love Song by Little Mix! I just ignored the parts about being in love with someone who's already in a relationship anymore lol. Also, we're ignoring the accords and everything that came after in favor of Bucky and everyone living happily together in the tower. I kind of hate this, but I spent so long writing it so here it is.

Masterlist

In pre-school, you were obsessed with the song in your head. Your parents told you it was a secret song that only you and your soulmate knew the words to. Even just the idea of having someone out there who would love you no matter what sounded magical, let alone this song that connected you.

When you started high school, you found out what the song actually meant. Not only were the words known only by you and your soulmate, but they explained your love story. Or at least, a part of it. There's no telling what aspect of- or time within- your relationship the song is about.

Given the lyrics of your song, you were immensely nervous about meeting your soulmate. So much so, in fact, you refused to tell anyone the lyrics to your song, claiming it was meant for you and your soulmate to share together.

Now, as an adult, the song almost never crossed your mind. You had gotten tired of trying to spin it in a more positive light. You have never met anyone else who had a song that was as angsty as yours. We got a love that is hopeless and it'll never be enough just don't scream happy ending. As a teen, you convinced yourself it was just a hurdle you and your soulmate would have to overcome. But with time came experience, and your life experiences definitely weighed down that opinion.

Plus, you were heading into your late twenties and still had no clue who your soulmate could even be. Almost everyone you'd gone to high school and college with already found there perfect person. So, you chose not to think about it. If you ignored it, you could pretend it didn't matter.

From the minute he understood soulmate songs, Steve Rogers hated them. Bucky was the only one who ever understood why. Granted, Bucky was the only one Steve ever told about not having a soulmate song. To Steve's surprise, Bucky confessed he also didn't have a soulmate song. It only made their friendship stronger to both be missing something everyone else seemed to have.

When Bucky fell from the train, Steve figured that must be why he didn't have a soulmate song. So when it came time, and he needed to crash the jet into the ocean, he didn't think twice. It was easier to believe that was why he never had a song. He was destined to die in order to save others. Nobody should be put through losing their soulmate like that. It was better that he didn't have one.

Seventy years later, he woke up. And he had a song.

Meeting the Avengers was definitely a life altering moment for you. The six of them had just saved New York from an alien invasion and now you were working with them. Your experience in public relations made it easy for Pepper Potts and Tony Stark to hire you to manage the public image of the team.

Thankfully, they generally made it easy for you to help them. There was a lot of mess to sweep up, but the whole team was willing to put in the work to help. You became like family to them, always willing to be on call since some of the press you had to handle were in different time zones.

Eventually, Tony offered you a room in the tower. It just made sense to avoid the commute since you spent so much time there anyway. Plus, Tony thoroughly enjoyed being able to tell you to "go to your room" once the workday ended.

That's how you ended up spending so much time with Steve Rogers. Captain America was quite the public figure in the 40s, but the media circus had grown pretty exponentially during his time in the ice. Once he managed to understand you weren't asking him to be a dancing monkey, he actually appreciated all the work you put in to make their lives easier.

Your friendship continued to grow as you spent more time together. Every movie night, you'd sit a little closer together until, eventually, you were cuddled up under the same blanket. You'd invite Steve for lunch during the week, and he'd always bring you to brunch after his Sunday morning runs.

Six months later, Steve officially asked you out. With Wanda's help, he managed to make a completely charming picnic for the two of you in a park near the Brooklyn Bridge. You couldn't remember the last time you smiled so much in a single day. Steve felt exactly the same, feeling for the first time like he was actually beginning to fit into the modern age. Everything was so perfect, you scolded yourself for not seeing the other shoe until after it dropped.

Every website or news channel you looked at had a story of Steve Rogers dating the Avengers' PR rep. Although the two of you had done nothing wrong, the entire country seemed to turn it into some big scandal. Everyone wanted to know if Captain America found his soulmate or just someone to keep his bed warm. The only reason it faded so quickly from the public eye was the emergence of the Winter Soldier.

Steve Rogers being on the run from SHIELD definitely trumped his picnic date in the eyes of the media. The entirety of the weeks events left you a mess in terms of PR, but thankfully everything worked out. Hydra was stopped, and Steve got his best friend back.

Your own relationship with Steve faltered a bit in the months after Bucky's return, but you couldn't bring yourself to be upset with Steve. The situation, sure, but not Steve. He had so much going on with trying to help Bucky remove the trigger words. It took weeks to even find someone who thought they could do it, and that ended up taking the two super soldiers across the world.

He updated the team every few days, but he was so focused on helping Bucky, he didn't actually have much time to talk. Despite the abundance of technology in Wakanda, you'd never felt less connected to Steve.

Your entire schedule was thrown off. You no longer had a go to lunch buddy or Sunday brunch plans. Movie nights got just a bit colder without the body heat from your favorite super soldier. Everything just felt a little bit off.

After seven long months, Steve and Bucky returned to the tower. Unfortunately, your relationship didn't pick up where it left off. Bucky needed time to get acclimated to his new life, and Steve was always willing to be there for him.

Again, you didn't fault Steve for his behavior. How could you? He spent nearly every waking moment trying to help Bucky feel more at home in the tower, but also in the new century they found themselves in.

Just seeing Steve in passing was enough to get your heart racing these days. When you heard the sound of his voice coming from the kitchen, it was like your body involuntarily chose to stop and listen. You were so focused on just hearing him talk that it took a few minutes to actually understand the words.

"You have a song now?" The question gave no indication of how he was feeling in the moment.

"Yeah..." Bucky sheepishly replied. "I don't know when it started. Just, showed up one day, I guess." His tone of voice got lighter with each word he spoke about the song, going so far as to sign a few words. "Be my summer in a winter day, love... You still don't have one?" Despite not knowing him that well, you could hear the hesitation in his voice when he asked the question.

"I... No," Steve sighed. "I guess it just wasn't meant to be."

Everything they said after that went in one ear and out the other. You may not like your song per se, but at least you had one. You had never heard of someone not having a soulmate song before. The thought hadn't even crossed your mind. Everyone had a song...

"Y/N? Are you okay?" Suddenly, Steve and Bucky were in front of you. They must have finished whatever they were doing in the kitchen without you realizing.

"Huh? Oh, um, yeah. Just lost in thought I guess," you laughed.

"Are you sure?" Steve questioned further, looking at you with concern.

"Yeah. I'm good," you smiled, nodding your head as if that would convince him. Before you could turn to walk away, Steve lightly grabbed your hand. Bucky was convincing him to say something, but you had missed the silent glares and nudges in your efforts to pretend you weren't eavesdropping.

"Hey, are you busy later?" he smiled nervously, thumb rubbing across your wrist.

"I don't think so. My last meeting just ended, so it's just wrapping up a few loose ends, and I'm done for the weekend."

"Would you maybe want to have dinner with me?" Steve seemed to notice the shock on your face before you could even comprehend his question. "To catch up, ya know? We haven't been talking much, and I just thought maybe dinner would be nice," he rambled.

"Dinner would be great, Steve." Suddenly, the memory of the media circus that was your last date crossed your mind. Again, Steve must have seen your thoughts on your face.

"I figured we could do something small. Movie night?" Again, his smile betrayed his nerves.

"That's perfect. The usual time?" He nodded his confirmation, his slightly awkward wave goodbye making you smile.

And just like that, it was like things hadn't changed at all... sort of. You and Steve were back to your routine before your date. Movie nights, lunches, Sunday brunch. Sometimes Bucky would tagalong as well. Before long, the two of you were nearly as close as you and Steve.

If anything, seeing Steve with Bucky made you like him more. He just seemed more himself in a way, like having an anchor to his past made it that much easier for him to exist in the present. You were thinking about exactly that when Steve came knocking on your door.

"What's up?" You leaned against the open door, gesturing that he was welcome to come inside. When he took you up on that offer, you swung the door closed and followed him over to your bed. You were a little thrown off by his silence.

"Are you okay?" you asked. He looked at you briefly before averting his gaze, nervously twisting his fingers together. "Steve?" you asked, your concern showing through. You sat next to him, taking one of his fidgeting hands in your own. Your other hand brushed against his cheek, turning him to face you. "What is it?" Your heart was beating so fast, you thought you might explode.

He scoffed at himself, the self deprecation easily showing through. "I don't know why this is so hard for me," he spoke, taking your hand from his cheek in his free one. You wanted to ask what he was talking about, but you didn't want to push. You had a pretty good idea of it already, and it was terrifying.

"Steve..." you said his name with so much affection, he closed his eyes and let it wash over him.

"Y/N..." he returned the sentiment. "I... Would you like to date me?" You stared wide eyed, caught off guard by how straight to the point he was. Steve was a rambler when he spoke about his feelings. His own eyes widened, as if shocked the statement actually came from his lips.

"Dammit! I'm sorry. I had a whole thing planned." He had begun pacing back and forth in front of your bed, leaving you to watch him move back and forth." I was going to tell you how I feel, not just blurt it out. Why can't I ever get one thing-"

"Yes," you answered, cutting off his rambling with a soft smile. His eyes snapped back to yours, a disbelieving look on his face.

"Yes?" he questioned. You nodded in response, letting him come to terms with everything not going as planned, but turning out just as he'd hoped. "Yes," he finally smiled- a wide grin- before walking back to you. In no time at all, he had you wrapped in his arms, spinning around your room.

"Steve!" you shouted, unprepared for the lack of ground beneath your feet. He placed you delicately back on the bed, kissing each of your hands before rising.

"Dinner tomorrow?" Once again, you nodded at his question. "I'll pick you up at 7."

You were both smiling as he backed out of your room, only cutting off eye contact when he nearly tripped over an ottoman. "Tomorrow," you said wistfully.

"Tomorrow." Steve confirmed, his own tone matching yours.

The second you could no longer hear his footsteps retreating down the hall, you face planted into your pillow and squealed. You felt giddy. Your relationship with Steve was a long time coming and you couldn't put into words just how excited you were. Sleep did not come easily after that.

The next day passed in a blur. You could barely pay attention to your work as thoughts of Steve ran through your head. You were so excited to go out with him again, but your nerves grew as you remembered what happened last time you made a public appearance.

It was definitely not ideal for the PR manager to be splashed across the headlines. Even if it was only tabloids. You didn't have much time to think about it, however, because by mid-afternoon you were whisked away from your desk.

Nat and Wanda pulled you through the tower, eagerly leading you back to your room. It seems news of your date had travelled, and the two of them were beyond excited to help you get ready- despite your protests that it was a work day and four hours seemed a bit too much time.

"Nonsense. You and Steve have been towing this line for ages." Wanda grinned at you. "We won't let it go wrong because of a few work hours. Tony will understand."

You nodded, nervously biting your lip as the potential headlines flashed through your mind again. Would Tony understand his PR manager being the talk of the town? Would Pepper?

Before you could voice your concerns, Natasha was pushing you into the bathroom to try on the outfit they laid out. You were surprised to see your favorite ripped jeans waiting for you, but you put them on nonetheless. They had paired the jeans with a black shirt and a black denim jacket you had never seen before. Parts of the denim had been removed, replaced with a flowery mesh.

The second you were out of the bathroom, Nat and Wanda were pushing accessories and shoes into your hands. "I have to admit, this is not the vibe I thought you'd go for," you questioned them with a raised brow as you finished putting on your combat boots.

"Steve may or may not have given us a heads up." Wanda smirked. You looked between her and Nat, rolling your eyes that they knew where you were going when you didn't. You would have questioned them about it, but a knock on your door cut you off.

You were surprised to see it was already 7, and Steve was waiting for you on the other side of the door. You let your worries slip away, knowing they would only serve to upset your evening. With one final steadying breath, you opened the door.

You and Steve simply stared at each other, neither making a move. It was as if you were both frozen, simply taking in the other person. As Steve eyes roamed your outfit, you couldn't help but take in his own outfit.

You had to admit, he looked incredible. Seeing him in the familiar leather jacket was normal, but it never failed to make you swoon. The blue henley, however, couldn't help but spark thoughts of Bucky helping him choose what to wear. You let out a disbelieving chuckle at the idea of both of your friends dressing you.

The noise seemed to startle Steve into motion. He gestured for you to join him in the hallway, both of you ignoring the snickering coming from the two women in your room. He gently placed his hand on your lower back, the textured flowers pressing lightly into your back through the thin material of your shirt.

"You look incredible," Steve glanced at you. "I don't think I've ever seen this jacket before," he grinned, likely having the same thought you just had.

"It is new," you confirmed. "You look handsome as ever. I have to say, the blue henley really brings out your eyes." His laugh was like music to your ears.

"I'll have to tell Bucky you approve." The faint blush that dotted his cheeks had you even more giddy than before.

"I'll convey the same message to Nat and Wanda," you winked, again earning a chuckle. It was as if all the nerves had left your body and you were simply spending the evening with your best friend. All of the worrying and anxiety seemed pointless now that you were actually with him.

Unsurprisingly, Steve lead you to his motorcycle. You had never mentioned to him how much you loved riding with him, but you suspected he had some sort of idea. Or maybe he enjoyed it as much as you. Either way, you climbed on behind him, wrapping your arms around his narrow waist and stretching your neck to place your chin on his shoulder.

He glanced at you out of the corner of his eye, smiling at the familiar feeling. It had been far too long since the last time you rode together. You pressed a light kiss to his cheek as he pulled out of the parking garage before leaning slightly back to enjoy the feeling of the wind on your skin.

Steve took you to a tiny diner in Brooklyn, somewhere the two of you had been before. It felt so natural, you nearly forgot the outing was an actual date. It was so easy to talk with Steve, you found yourself pestering him with questions about Wakanda, answering his own questions about your time apart as well. You spent hours in the diner, just talking like you used to.

"I've missed this," he spoke suddenly as the two of you were leaving the restaurant, making your way back to Steve's bike.

"I know, they have the best french toast," you goaded, grinning even more when he rolled his eyes.

"That's not what I meant and you know it." Steve spun you around, his hands on your hips pressing you slightly into his bike from his proximity. "I've missed you. Our lunches and weekly brunch. The snuggling during movie night. Just being together," he whispered, leaning closer to you with each word.

Your throat was suddenly dry, your voice raspy as you replied. "I've missed you too." As if on their own accord, your hands had wrapped themselves around Steve's neck, pulling him even closer.

You both felt the pull as you leaned in, your lips barely brushing when the sound of tires screeching across the road startled you. Steve spun you behind him, his eyes scanning for any sign of danger. He relaxed when he realized it was just a car slamming on their brakes to avoid running a stop sign and hitting another car.

He let out a deep sigh, turning back to you with an apologetic look. "It's okay," you smiled reassuringly before pressing a kiss against his cheek. "Let's go home."

Steve nodded, quickly kissing your forehead before getting on the bike and signalling for you to do the same. You were pretty sure you heard him grumbling something about people learning how to drive, but you kept your giggling silent. Of course, being pressed up against Steve on the motorcycle did little to cool you down after the near steamy moment.

The night had gotten cooler as the sun set, encouraging you to squeeze closer to Steve. You hands tucked themselves in between his shirt and his jacket. The warmth radiating from him quickly warmed up your cold fingers, leaving you to feel the way his abs tightened when your hands shifted.

The ride back to the tower ended far too quickly for your taste. You would have spent the next hours pressed to Steve's warm back if he had let you. Instead, you found yourself standing next to him in the parking garage watching as he put the helmets away.

"I'll walk you to your room?" His offer received a nod from you, eager to spend any additional amount of time with him. His hand on the small of your back felt electrifying, even more so than earlier in the evening. You relished in the touch, eager to relive the moment from earlier.

When you reached your room, you paused with your hand on the door. Biting your lip, you turned around to look at Steve. He was closer than you expected, his eyes taking in the way you tugged your lip between your teeth. Once again, your throat was dry. You couldn't stop the raspiness in your voice when you spoke.

"I had fun tonight," you whispered, not missing the way his eyes flickered to your lips again.

"Me too," he whispered in return, not wanting to break the moment. He stepped closer, your bodies nearly touching when your hand fell from the door knob as you turned completely to face him. You both leaned in at the same time, your lips meeting briefly before returning with more pressure.

Your left hand wrapped around the back of his neck, pulling him closer as your right hand pulled him in by his jacket. Steve pulled you to him as well, one hand tangled in your hair and one squeezing your hip. The two of you were as close as possible and yet it was still not close enough.

Your not sure how long you stood there, back pressed against the door to your room, but eventually the two of you needed air. Your each parted just enough to breath, your foreheads still pressed together as you tried to calm your racing heart. When you finally caught your breath, and managed to meet Steve's eye, you were certain you were about to go another round when the sound of a throat clearing jolted you apart.

Tony stood at the other end of the hallway, a smirk playing on his lips. Before either of you could tell him off, Tony held up a hand. "It's a public hallway." Tony defended himself as he walked closer.

"In the middle of the night..." you countered eyes wide in confusion. Why would he interrupt you for no reason?

"Tony, why are you here?" Steve sighed, one hand reaching to take your own as if the idea of not touching you was too much for him to handle at the moment.

"Bad news I'm afraid. I thought you'd want to see it as soon as possible." The look Tony was giving you set you on edge. Although he was answering Steve, it felt like he was talking to you.

"A mission?" Steve questioned, his thumb now rubbing circles on your hand.

"Not exactly." He produced a tablet from behind his back, gesturing for you to take it. You reached for it with your free hand, looking at Steve in confusion. The two of you looked down at the screen together, your mind running wild the second you saw the picture.

You didn't know how to feel. It wasn't anything bad per say, but it wasn't ideal for the whole world to see it. However, you liked the picture. It reminded you of the evening you just shared with Steve, and honestly, you were kind of grateful for the feeling being captured in a photo.

You were leaning slightly against Steve's bike with him standing directly in front of you. His hands had found purchase on your hips, your own wrapped around his neck. Your lips weren't quite touching, but it was obvious that's where it was headed. Or at least, where it would've been headed if not for the screeching car.

The gratefulness didn't last long as you realized the implications of Tony having the picture. "How bad is it?" You squeezed Steve's hand, finding comfort in his presence next to you. Last time this happened it was brushed under the rug by the Winter Soldier. However convenient that was for PR, it was a nightmare to live through. Something told you nothing like that would save you this time.

Tony gave you a comforting smile before responding. "From what I can tell, only the one photo was taken." you breathed a sigh of relief, although it was minor. One photo was bad enough. "Thankfully, the photographer knew he could get more money from me than any media outlet."

The meaning of his words sunk in slowly, but when it fully registered you had to lean into Steve because of the relief.

"Tony... I... Thank you," you whispered. You felt horrible for putting Tony in such a position, especially when it was your job to prevent any scandalous Avengers themed headlines. "Oh my god, it's the middle of the night! Tony, I'm so sorry! After what happened with our picnic I should've known not to-"

"Don't beat yourself up about it. Just be more careful next time." He winked at you before departing, calling out one last time before he was gone, "and have fun!"

You could feel the blush even before you made eye contact with Steve. Of course, the feeling only multiplied afterward. Steve looked just as bashful as you.

"Do you want to talk?" You gestured to your door, offering a safe haven from the "public hallway". Thankfully, Steve nodded. You watched him as he made his way into your room, awkwardly standing in the middle. You sat on your bed, gesturing for him to join you, but he declined.

"Steve? What's wrong?" you asked carefully, honestly a bit scared of the answer. He was quiet for a moment, staring at a spot on the floor. You were about to ask him again when he finally spoke.

"What should you have known not to do?" he mumbled, only increasing your confusion.

"What?" you asked, not understanding the question.

"You told Tony you should've known not to. Not to what? Not to go out with me again?" His voice was wavering, as if he was struggling to reconcile the time you had just spent together with your attitude about the picture.

"Of course not! I'm so, so glad we went out." You could feel the tears burning in your eyes. It felt dramatic, and you were annoyed by them, but it made sense. It was a lot to process. You stood to meet his eye, trying to convey just how much you believed what you were saying. "Steve, that was single handedly the best date I've ever been on. I just should've known to be more careful about what a stranger could see."

"Oh..." He glanced at you, seeing the sincerity in your eyes. You could tell your answer has sparked some thoughts for Steve, so you waited for him with a patient smile. "So a secret relationship?"

You smiled nervously. A secret relationship was never something you thought you'd be part of, but for Steve it would be worth it. "Just a secret from the public, not from the team."

He nodded at your words, seeming deep in thought. It was nerve wracking to watch him ponder the idea of having a relationship with you. The longer you waited, the more your anxiety built. Maybe your job just made this too difficult for him. Starting a relationship is already so stressful, having to add the secret part on top of that just makes it that much harder.

"I've never been one for PDA anyway." Steve's words tore you from your negative thoughts. The two of you stared at each other, smiling like children when Steve spoke again. "So, would you like to be my secret girlfriend?" Despite you just saying Steve took you on the best date of your life, he still looked nervous to ask you.

"I would love to be your secret girlfriend, so long as you want to be my secret boyfriend?" you replied, an eager smile on your face.

Steve forewent a verbal reply, choosing to answer your question with a kiss. He poured all of his emotions into it, holding you as close as he could.

You returned the kiss with just as much excitement. It wasn't until the two of you needed to breathe that you separated.

"In case it was unclear, that was a yes." Steve joked, his cheeks betraying his blush.

"Oh good, otherwise you really would've been sending the wrong message," you joked back. Your smile only grew when he rolled his eyes.

"Oh, you're trouble." Steve pressed a quick kiss to your lips before backing away.

"Yeah, but you already knew that," you said with a smirk. Steve simply laughed in response. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Of course. We have our weekly lunches to uphold." Steve kissed you one more time before leaving.

You called a quick goodnight as you shut the door, nearly squealing when you were sure he was out of earshot. Tonight may have had a minor issue, but it was still one of the best nights of your life. After all the problems you and Steve have faced with being separated, finally being able to be together was all you wanted.

How hard could a secret relationship be?

You and Steve kept to your normal routine of eating lunch together and going out on Sundays. It was frustrating not even being able to hold his hand, but the fun outweighed the annoyance. Stealing kisses when nobody was around or texting each other dirty things made the beginning of your relationship interesting.

Plus, you could always spend time together in the residential area of the tower. You still had movie nights, albeit with some kisses thrown in, but you spent even more time with Steve. Whether it was making dinner together, or forcing Sam and Bucky to play a board game with you, the two of you could almost always be found together after work hours. The lack of affectionate time spent outside of the tower didn't bother you because you could spend so much time together inside.

Your life, although not what you pictured, felt perfectly balanced. You didn't realize just how easily that balance could be upended until Tony took over your surprise party for Steve's birthday.

"Y/N, how excited are you for tomorrow?" Wanda burst into your room, two dress bags in her hands.

"I'm excited, Wan. I still think Steve would prefer something small, but small isn't really in Tony's wheelhouse. I should've planned the whole thing and surprised both of them." You both laughed, knowing Tony was never one to turn down a party.

"I need your help." Wanda showed the two dresses she bought, one a long emerald v-neck with long sleeves, the other a black leather mini dress with cap sleeves. "Which one?"

You pictured her in both dresses, imaging the hair style and accessories she'd wear with each. "I like the green."

"Me too! I think Vis will like that one more too." Wanda spoke quickly as she zipped the bags back up. If she wasn't so quick to say "thanks for the help! I have to go find my accessories now" and leave, she might've noticed the shift in your mood. She might've noticed the tie you picked out for Steve sitting on your dresser. She might've noticed when you realized you couldn't actually go to your boyfriend's surprise party with your boyfriend because of one key detail. Secret.

After Wanda left, you only gave yourself five minutes to be upset. You and Steve agreed to keep your relationship private from the public for a reason. It wouldn't do to dwell on what can't happen. For you and Steve to tell the public you were together, he would have to admit he didn't have a soulmate song, and you would have to admit you were ignoring yours.

Ever since he came out of the ice, Steve Roger's soulmate has been the question people ask. Was it Peggy? If not Peggy, was it someone else from his time? Would he ever know who it was?

You know the truth. It's clear why Steve never talks about it. Especially if Bucky has a song and didn't used to. Talking about it would only serve to hurt him. You didn't mind ignoring your soulmate song. The familiar lyric of hopeless love was all it took to cast it from your mind.

So instead, you focused on Steve. You were ready for the party 3 hours before it began, not hesitating to help set up any decorations or equipment that still needed setting up. You were there to greet everyone who arrived before Steve, scolding Tony when guests arrived before him.

You were there when Steve walked in with Bucky. His eyes seemed to scan the room, stopping only when they found you. Turns out you didn't need to give him a tie. He already picked one out in the perfect shade of blue to compliment his eyes. The exact shade of blue you chose to wear for that very reason.

His eyes roamed your body, only being drawn away when the entire room shouted "surprise!" His reaction appeared to happen in slow motion, the confusion slowly giving way to understanding and appreciation.

He was making his way toward you, greeting and thanking anyone who stopped him to talk. At this rate, it would take the entire party for him to find you. Just before you could walk to him, a group of agents cornered him.

They were young, fit, excited about the world agents. The questions came faster than Steve could answer. You both knew it would be too suspicious for him to abandon the conversation simply to greet you. Instead, you gave him an encouraging smile and turned toward the bar.

Three drinks in, Steve found you.

"Hi," you greeted him with a warm smile, but he could see the disappointment in your eyes. You could see the regret in his, speaking up before he got the chance. "Don't you dare apologize. We signed up for this."

He chuckled, shaking his head slightly. "We did. I guess I'll just have to wait until we're alone to tell you how beautiful you are." His words caused a giddy smile to erupt on your face. Even after months of being together, Steve never failed to give you butterflies.

"Are you enjoying your party?" you asked, eager to change the subject for fear of doing something reckless.

"I am, it's wonderful." It was clear he believed the words, but you could tell it wasn't what he wanted to say. One look from you and he was spilling the truth. "If I'm honest something smaller would've been fine."

You sighed, having expected just the same. If it was a smaller party, you and Steve could have attended together. "That's what I told Tony, but you know how he gets. Bigger is better, and his friends deserve the best." You both laughed, enjoying the brief moment together.

"Dance with me?" Steve interrupts the silence. Seeing the look on your face, he continues, "Just one dance? Nobody will say anything about one dance with the birthday boy."

Rolling your eyes, you can't stop yourself from smiling. "Fine, one-" Before you can even finish the statement, Steve is whisking you to the dance floor. Just as you made it to the edge of the dance floor, the music shifted. The modern party music was left behind for some classic 40s.

You couldn't help but laugh as you and Steve spun around the dance floor, the words to Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy echoing in your ears. By the time the song was fading out, you were nearly out of breath. The combination of Steve swinging you around the room and the never ending laughter had you in stitches.

"And here I thought you couldn't dance?" you teased, laughing even more when Steve had the audacity to look shocked.

"I have no idea what you mean. One more?" he asked. You knew you were toast. You couldn't say no to those eyes.

"You're lucky it's your birthday," you huffed, already putting your hand back on his shoulder in preparation for the next song. Steve gripped your waist as the familiar opening lyrics to Dream a Little Dream of Me sounded through the room. It wasn't the slowest song in the world, but everyone was taking advantage of the break to just sway together.

You shifted your grip, placing both hands behind his neck. It took everything in you to not rest your head on his shoulder. Instead, you looked into his eyes, hoping you could convey everything you wanted to say with just your eyes.

You could feel the distance between you decreasing as the song continued, but you didn't have the willpower to do anything about it. You wanted to be close to him, and he wanted you close. It wasn't until the song tapered out and Bucky was asking to cut in that you realized just how close you were to blowing your secret.

"Happy birthday Steve," you whispered, chancing one more look at his face. His expression mirrored your own. A sense of longing mixed with resignation. There was nothing you could say as Bucky whisked you back onto the dance floor as an upbeat song you didn't recognize began to play.

Eventually, the party died down, leaving only residents of the tower in the room. Steve dragged you back onto the dance floor, swaying with you despite the upbeat melody. He held you close, and you relished the feeling. For the first time in years, a lyric from your soulmate song popped into your head.

Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor?

You quickly brushed the thought aside. There was no use thinking about it when you knew Steve didn't have one. You're happy with Steve. There's no point focusing on what will only cause you both pain.

You stayed on the dance floor for a few more songs until you heard the tell tale signs of trouble brewing. Tony was dragging the karaoke machine over to the lounge area, ranting about how nobody has been using it.

"I spent $1,000 on this, and we are going to use it dammit!" he ranted. Even mildly drunk, Tony could set up a simple karaoke machine. You could hear everyone telling Tony that $1,000 is nothing to him, but he wasn't hearing it. "Everyone is singing! That includes you two!" Without lifting your head from Steve's chest you knew he was talking about you.

"Come on, let's just appease him," you said to Steve, pulling him over to the lounge. You graciously accepted the drink Nat handed you. "I'm gonna need this if Tony really forces us all to sing."

And force you to sing he did. Tony started things off with a rousing rendition of Back in Black surprising absolutely nobody with his choice of song.

Thor was so eager to participate in another "Midgardian activity" he let Tony choose his song. You all laughed and drank as he belted out the words to Bonnie Tyler's Holding out for a Hero.

Thor set a dangerous precedent, giving Tony the idea that he could choose everyone's songs. Wanda sang Baby One More Time, Bruce We Didn't Start the Fire. Clint joyfully sang Fancy Like, having Nat record it so he could send it to his kids. Sam somehow managed to convince Tony to let him sing Marvin Gaye. Nat forcefully moved Tony out of the way, choosing abcdefu to keep the party going.

Everyone was drinking and laughing, actually enjoying themselves now that the rest of the guests had left. Bucky glared the whole time he sang, but he and Steve managed to stutter their way through Alive by One Direction and Cold as Ice by Foreigner, respectively.

By the time it was your turn, everyone was wasted. It wasn't often the whole team got to relax like this, so it was nice to see everyone cutting loose. Tony pulled you up to the machine, overestimating the force required or underestimating his strength. Either way, the two of you crashed into the karaoke machine, knocking it over the railing.

You briefly looked over the edge, wincing at the various pieces that machine was now in. Tony, in his drunken state, looked devastated. You assumed he was upset about the broken machine, but he quickly showed what was upsetting him.

"You still have to sing!" Your eyes widened at his volume, but you didn't have much time to protest. Suddenly the whole room was agreeing, various statements about how "it's only fair" or "everyone else did."

"Okay, okay!" you shouted over everyone else. "I'll do it." You were far too drunk to regret any of your decisions, so you just started singing the first song that popped into your head. Everyone else was too busy cheering, they didn't realize none of them actually knew the song. Well, none but one.

When you hold me in the street And you kiss me on the dancefloor I wish that it could be like that Why can't it be like that? Cause I'm yours

We keep behind closed doors Every time I see you I die a little more Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls It'll never be enough

It's obvious you're meant for me Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly

You didn't notice as the mood died down, to caught up in pouring your heart out to even realize you were singing your soulmate song. Everyone was enjoying the song, albeit they assumed you chose it because of your secret relationship with Steve.

Why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that it could be like that Why can't it be like that? Cause I'm yours

Why can't I say that I'm in love? I wanna shout it from the rooftops I wish that it could be like that Why can't we be like that? Cause I'm yours

You finished the song to more cheering, although Steve remained motionless. Even after it was over, you didn't realize what had happened. You were so relieved to have let go of the feelings you were holding in that you did the one thing you swore you would never do.

"I've never heard that song before, Y/N! Who sings it?" Wanda asked, jolting you back into reality. Everyone was looking at you expectantly, but you didn't have an answer. You didn't want to tell them it was your soulmate song. You already killed the mood with the song, no reason to dampen it even further by admitting the truth.

"I don't remember!" You knew you sounded crazy, but you were hopeful the alcohol would make everyone forget. "I'm pretty tired, so I'm gonna head to bed. Happy Birthday!" You pressed a kiss to Steve's cheek on the way out, unable to even look him in the eye. He simply stared as you left, having a hard time believing what he just heard.

You had fallen asleep as soon as you laid down, and when you woke up last night felt like a dream- or more accurately, a nightmare. Your only hope was to pretend like it never happened and pray everyone else was too drunk to remember. Unfortunately, your bubble of hope was popped almost immediately after you woke up.

"Y/N!" Wanda excitedly ran to you when you entered the kitchen, "please tell me you know who sings that song!" You panicked as everyone turned toward you.

"What song?" you questioned, looking confused as you took a seat. If hope wouldn't do, pretending you forgot was your best bet.

"The one you sang last night," Nat answered for her, eyeing you suspiciously.

"Oh, um... who sings that song..." You pretended to be thinking, all the while considering moving to Albania and starting a new life. You glanced at Steve, but couldn't keep your eyes on him.

"Do you at least know what it's called?" Wanda smiled hopefully, only adding to your guilt.

"Secret Love Song," you answered with no hesitation, eyes widening when you realized she was going to google it. In high school, during your "it's only an obstacle we'll have to work through" phase, you started calling it your secret love song.

"That's weird. I can't find it online." Wanda pouted just as the subtlest of smirks formed on Nat's lips. You couldn't take it. There was no way to hide this from them. Of course it's not online, only two people in the world know the song- and it doesn't even really have a name! You dropped your face into your hands, mumbling under your breath in an effort to avoid the embarrassment this would cause.

"Oh my god!" Thor suddenly exclaimed, feeling as though he figured something out. "You wrote it, didn't you? You are very talented Lady Y/N!"

Your head snapped in his direction, wondering how good of an out that would be. It was clear from everyone else's expressions they knew the truth, though. "I didn't write it, but thank you for believing in me Thor." With a deep sigh, you rose from your seat at the island. "It's my soulmate song."

It was clear nobody knew what to say, so you saved them the trouble. "I know it's pretty sad for a soulmate song, but I got over it a long time ago. No need to feel bad for me." You shuffled toward the exit, still talking so nobody could express their sorrow for you. "I'm just gonna go... do something."

With a wave of your hand, you practically ran from the room. You knew they would want to talk to you about it, but you didn't have it in you. Of course these people are practically your family, but that would only make their pity feel even worse.

Maximizing your efforts to avoid the impending conversations, you packed a bag and messaged Tony that you needed to cash in some days off. Just a week and you'd be back. The team could manage not to cause any major PR problems for that long, right? Your only real problem was Steve.

You knew it wouldn't be fair to him to just leave, but the idea of talking to him after singing your soulmate song while knowing he doesn't have one sounds like the eighth circle of hell. You could write him a note, but it felt too impersonal. You struggled with your decision, ultimately deciding to pack the car and then figure out what to do. Of course, nothing works out like it's planned.

You opened your door to leave, but froze in place at the sight of the man who has your heart. Steve's fist was raised as if he was about to knock. You both stared, neither knowing just what to say in the moment. Then, Steve's eyes shifted from your face to the duffle bag over your shoulder.

"Where are you going?" he asked, his face adorably scrunched in confusion.

"Oh, um... I need a few days off. I'll be back next weekend," you muttered, looking anywhere but his face.

"Were you going to say goodbye?" He sounded so hurt, it only made you feel even more guilty.

"I... I don't know. I was going to put this in the car and then decide," you feebly replied gesturing to the bag. "Steve, I'm so sorry." You still refused to look him in the eye, too afraid of the sadness you might see in his baby blues.

"I'm so, so sorry. I feel horrible. I never meant to do that to you. I... I overheard you talking to Bucky before you asked me to dinner. I know you don't have a soulmate." You could tell just by the way his stance shifted that he had something to say, but you barreled through with your ramblings. "I have never told anyone the lyrics to my song before. You can probably see why." You words were accompanied by a resigned laughter.

"To sing that song and remind you that there's someone out there who's meant for me- even if it might be a difficult relationship- knowing you don't have a song was so awful of me. I should've known better. I know we were drinking, but that's no excuse." Try as you might, you couldn't stop the tears you felt building. Your throat burned. Your vision went blurry. "I... I'm sorry."

You closed your eyes, trying to calm your breathing. The sound of your blood pumping in your veins echoed in your ears. You had no idea if Steve was even still standing in front of you.

"Y/N..." He took your hands in his, surprising you enough that your eyes flew open. "I do have a song," he said softly. He looked just as upset as you, albeit his tears were merely welling in his eyes at this point.

"Wha- what? But... but you told Bucky..." you sputtered, the confusion you were feeling increased as Steve slowly slid the bag off your shoulder. He guided you further into your own room, gently encouraging you to sit on your bed. He kneeled in front of you, wiping your tears as they fell.

"I told Bucky I didn't have a song because his was so happy. I didn't want to weigh down his mood with my song." He moved to hold your hands in his, gently rubbing his thumbs over the backs of your hands.

"You have a sad song too?" You hated to admit it, but somewhere deep inside of you, a flicker of hope started growing. He nodded, drawing a small notebook from his pocket. You watched as he opened to a specific page and handed you the book.

"This is from last year. I... I wanted to take you out because there was this new movie showing, and I just knew you would love it. But I couldn't. We're only a couple in the confines of this tower, and even that can be interrupted. So I saw it with Bucky and I wrote down all the parts I thought would make you laugh."

Your tears renewed themselves, although this time from the overwhelming love you were feeling. He flipped the page slowly, showing another entry.

"This one is from when that new tapas restaurant opened around your birthday. I wanted to take you there and celebrate. So, I dragged Bucky out with me and wrote down all the things I thought you would want to try."

He flipped through the pages, various date activities he wanted to do with you outlined in the book. They ranged from all day activities like ice skating and looking at the holiday decorations to little things like being able to hold your hand when you got coffee together. Eventually, he landed on the last page of the book.

"This one is from a few days ago. Tony said he was having a fourth of July party, and I wanted nothing more than to ask you what color you were wearing so we could match. So we could actually do something together around other people." He shook his head as a light laugh escaped his lips. "I guess the matching part worked out anyway." You nodded your reply, too overwhelmed with emotion to speak.

"When Bucky stole you away on the dancefloor at the party... all I could think about was my song. I spent the rest of the night wondering if you were thinking the same thing... and then you sang it right to me."

You were still crying, far too emotional to even try to contain the tears, but now your smile was shining through. A smile that definitely told Steve how exstatic you were at hearing his confession.

"I tried to tell you last night, but you fell asleep so quickly. And this morning I didn't want to just blurt it out over breakfast. And then you admitted it to everyone, and I was trying to leave to come tell you, but they kept saying you probably wanted space! It took me this long to realize I could just tell them I was going for a run and come up here instead-"

You cut off his rambling with a kiss. Steve, who was still kneeling in front of you, fell backward with the force of your embrace, pulling you down to the floor with him. The two of you were laughing and crying and kissing and far too engrossed in each other to realize the rest of the team had come to check on you after Tony asked what your message was about.

"I love you," you whispered between kisses, still laying on top of Steve on the floor.

"I love you too... soulmate," Steve whispered right back. Everyone else backed away as Nat slowly pulled the door shut. The two of you deserved your privacy.

"Soulmate... that's so much better than secret boyfriend," you beamed. You couldn't hold your smile back long enough to kiss Steve, so you buried your face between his neck and his shoulder.

"Definitely better than secret girlfriend," he confirmed, a slight nervousness to his voice. You pushed away from him to ask, but the words were already escaping him. "Does that mean we're secret soulmates now?"

You couldn't help but laugh, a mixture of joy and love escaping as you rapidly shook your head no. "No! It was only a secret because the whole world would crucify us for being together if we weren't soulmates. I mean, there will still be a story, but it will definitely be positive now. We could come right out and tell everyone, or just go about our lives and let them figure it out. Oh! We could-"

It was Steve's turn to cut you off with a kiss. He held you close, not really needing to do much as gravity was still holding you to him. "Let's not talk about work right now. I just want to be with you without all of this weighing us down." You agreed, pressing a quick kiss before surprising him by getting up. "Where are you going?"

"Well, I don't know about you, but I didn't eat breakfast." You grabbed your bag from where Steve dropped it, removing the essential things you would need for the day. "Would my soulmate like to accompany me to a breakfast... " you paused dramatically, "in public... with hand holding?"

Steve jumped up from the ground, spinning you around in a very similar fashion to the day he asked you to date him. "I would love nothing more."

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