#this is officially the worst thing ive ever made on here im so sorry

[bishy437]

im so srory

[aroace-poly-show]

also a thing for you if you ever want to ramble about hw- what's emu's story for this? how did she get into illustration, and how did she meet the troupe?

RAUGH I ALWAYS WANT TO RAMBLE AND IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS TY FOR ASKING!!!! also took a while this time my bad man. the route my bus takes has very very shit internet so i couldn’t continue my draft during my ride 💔

anywayyy. good lord this is fucking long. im sorry.

for emu, i’m still figuring stuff out with her, but i’ve been thinking about her a lot more recently, and so far what i’ve got is that she has a little bundle of issues including grief over her grandpa, toxic positivity and not letting herself feel negative emotions properly, some internalized hatred of herself and how childish she is following an argument w shosuke, and generally feeling kinda lost, like the rest of hw, after wonder stage closed bc she doesn’t know what to do w/o shows. yknow.

so like. she still has her whole thing w/ her grandpa. and she while she wasn’t doing the *best* she wasn’t doing that bad in the mental health department. still wasn’t letting herself like. grieve properly. but she wasn’t the worst. she performed a lot on wonder stage and knew that the stage was in danger of being closed down, so she tried really hard to keep it from happening. but the actors for wonder stage began to leave as time went on and the ones who stayed didn’t really get why she was so persistent in keeping this stage open when the others in the park were better and shit. and she didn’t have much help. so unfortunately despite her best efforts wonder stage was kinda doomed for closure. butttt she’s not giving up yet. so she tries to convince her brothers to not close it, or at least to just give her some more time. which Does Not Go Well. shosuke gets real frustrated with her and starts yelling and shit. and while keisuke shuts him down once he gets too heated. well. it’s kinda too late. with what he said about her being childish and demanding that she just grow up already and stuff like that, my girl takes that to heart. and then with the official closure of wonder stage…yeah…she’s not doing the best…

emu’s grief here is made worse w/ the wonder stage closure. cause like. that was her and her grandpa’s favorite stage. girl feels like she failed him. she loved that stage. she loved doing shows there. it was something she had to remind her of her grandpa. and now it’s closed. :(

since then she’s been. different. like it’s just barely noticeable to a lot of people but she’s definitely changed. she smiles and acts cheery and seems like her usual self but like. her smile isn’t quite the same. she’s not quite as talkative. she avoids her brothers a lot more. and her brothers have noticed btw and they both feel AWFUL. especially shosuke. they done fucked up and they know it.

also like technically she could keep doing shows, after all theres the other stages in pheonix wonderland, and she has experience in doing shows + is related to the people who literally own the place so it wouldn’t be hard for her to join one of those stages. but she doesn’t bc after all that, she thinks her goal of just wanting to bring smiles to people is childish. shows make her so so happy but she thinks it’s immature and naive of her to still want to pursue that, especially considering she failed last time. it’s a silly and childish path to pursue, and she needs to pull her head out of the clouds and grow up already, like her brother says. so despite loving shows with all her heart, she gives up on doing them. but since shows are so important to her, she doesn’t rlly know what to do without them, so that’s where that feeling lost stuff comes in. yknow.

for her art, i just think she enjoyed art in general, and with her grief and the wonder stage closure it helped her cope. i have a very specific idea in my head of her style. but i cant remember the artist here on tumblr that i think she does art like. if i can remember their name i will though. i might actually do a post dedicated to what i think her art style is like….

not set in stone just yet, but what i’m thinking for the original meet up is that she meets nene first. nene does music and emu finds it, and it gives her some inspiration for some art. she posts it and credits nene’s music as what inspired her, and nene is so fucking honored. through some light encouragement from rui nene gets the courage to dm emu to tell her thank you, and they start chatting!! they get along pretty well and emu starts making art for nene’s music. eventually rui has the idea to start animating them, so they can make music videos for the songs, and boom hw gets its beginnings online.

this happens before wonder stage closure btw. when it does close, emu disappears from their group chat for a bit. she comes back like nothing happens and while she doesn’t tell them what happened, they both notice she doesn’t talk about what shows shes doing anymore, or shows in general. nene and rui are both very sad at this btw. seeing emu have so much love for shows and be able to talk about them like she did was really nice, so to see her stop with that and seemingly not enjoying shows anymore after something happened, just like they did, it sucks. :(

anyway i think my timeline is like. during nene’s last year of middle school when she transfers to home schooling, she starts doing music -> everything i just mentioned here happens -> eventually they meet tsukasa, and he joins the group -> hollow ☆ wonderland does its thing as a group for a while -> main story shit happens. yeah. 👍

uhhhh. dear god i’m so bad at explaining my thoughst. augh. i hope this made some amount of sense. and that i wasn’t too repetitive lsajdkhfgyfdhsj. anyway miscellaneous emu thingies now.

like i mentioned, wonder stage hasn’t been replaced yet, it’s just closed down and sectioned off. so emu still visits it all the time. there is nothing being done to maintain it. so it is absolutely unsafe. but does emu care. no. girlie wants to disappear and while she’s not *planning* on dying, if she had to die anywhere she wouldn’t mind if it was at wonder stage. she draws there a lot.

a lot of her drawings are traditional!! with lots of bright colors and crayons and colored pencils. she has lots of fun drawing.

this applies to non-au emu as well but she has gifted stickers to all her friends. nene’s synthesizer is covered in them.

wonder stage was closed off at sunset. btw. just to give her another reason to hate sunsets.

[nyxofdemons]

OHHHHKAY I FINALLY WATCHED THE FIRST EPISODE OF HAZBIN ON YOUTUBE AND . HM. HM. MANY MANY THOUGHTS HEAD FULL

okay okay. please dont hate me. i was underwhelmed

LISTEN I CAN EXPLAIN. the first thing that stuck out to me was the,,,, dialogue? in some scenes its GREAT but initially i was sort of jarred by it, i feel like it's going wayyy too hard on the exposition at the cost of immersion. it just feels noticeably clunky in scenes

the SECOND thing, i both LOVE and dislike the music. i love like 65% of happy day in hell but vaggie's sudden interjection, plus the sequence where the background changes and charlie is like rolling along with all the random sinners singing felt. aghhhh i don't have a new word a lot of it just feels CLUNKY to me !! help !!!

i DO enjoy the characterization, from the get go a lot of it seems very very clear and tightly written. alastor remains my favorite character and the implications of vaggie making a deal with him have me MAJORLY intrigued i am SO curious about their dynamic in particular .

i. fucking. LOVE. ADAM. OH MY GOD HES GREAT. his speech style his outrageous personality HIS TAKEOVER OF HAPPY DAY IN HELL MADE ME SOOO EXCITED, THAT WAS THE BEST PART OF THE EPISODE TO ME. ive seen criticism of him as 'uhh the writing is so dumb and lazy if the angels behave just like the sinners' but i literally dont give a fuck he is ENTERTAINING (and if i wanted to be serious about it i COULD say something about the juxtaposition between the angels and sinners seemingly having the same brand of humor but being WILDLY different in terms of worldview and philosophy. the angels who are self-obsessed and think theyre the greatest things to ever exist vs the sinners fully embracing themselves as the WORST things to ever exist, and charlie somewhere in the middle. oooooh i just KNOW this is gonna be a whole thing for my brain to chew on)

okay okay im sure theres more i could say but . hhhh. brainworms only. i think my official stance, for right now, is that i am fully optimistic that the rest of the show is gonna be awesome, but, as for right now... i think i actually preferred the youtube pilot to this first episode. i enjoyed the set design more, the character animation more (it feels stiffer in this one?? hazbin pilot and helluva boss both have a way more BOUNCY feel to them, i think, and i just adore it; i felt like it was missing from this one a bit), and most ESPECIALLY the dialogue. i way preferred the dialogue in the pilot than in here.

i DID absolutely love the expectation subversion of adam and lilith, though. that they eagerly wanted to share the gift of free will with humanity, rather than trying to orchestrate a cataclysm on purpose. i really enjoyed that.

(also, my final note: the voice acting is... okay. to me. i feel like some of the voices are sort of forced, and no matter how good he is, i am sorry, but i can NOT reconcile that voice with husk's face and design. it just feels so jarring every time he opens his mouth like my brain is struggling to connect that that's where this voice is coming from. im sorry mr david)

[ghost-proofbaby]

ghost!!! i am sobbing weeping crying omg twenty four hours is coming to an end and it is so very bittersweet. i found 24hrs on ao3 and stayed up until three am binging it, then immediately went and followed you on tumblr, and ive been keeping track of it ever since. im not very good a tumblr since i only started using the app for fanfic last october, and i am one of those people that sometimes is ashamed of being a fangirl, so it’s almost unbelievable to me that i have a space where no one will know it’s me and i can enjoy whatever i want. im still trying to adjust to that, tell myself that it’s okay to repost fanfics and that this is a safe space. but twenty four hours has helped me with a LOT of that. before i used to kinda be ashamed to go on tumblr, but now i scroll it daily bcs i didn’t want to miss any updates on the fic. i also made the plunge and officially got an ao3 account, after oh about, seven or eight years of reading fan fiction practically non stop. so im getting there, and i just wanted you to know that twenty four hours helped me to get there.

and i think the main reason that twenty four hours has helped me get there is because of the quality of your writing. you write beautifully, intricately, and most of all—truthfully. ive never read an x reader that has felt so real, so fleshed out and most of all, relatable. i would find myself having internal monologue as i read from the ‘reader’s’ perspective and then the next paragraph would, sometimes word for word, have ‘reader’ think what i was thinking. this fic was also so healing, in a way. the way you used literary devices to describe such complicated situations had me often feeling relieved—like i had just let something go. as someone with a lot of baggage right now and who has a hard time believing they could ever be loved, it was at the very least comforting to have my insecurities and my negative qualities forgiven and proven untrue through ‘reader’ if that makes sense.

ik this is sappy as hell but i genuinely feel this way. your writing has moved me in a way that actual published books haven’t done for me in a while. so i just want to thank you for the time, effort, and thought that went into this fic. and secondly, i want to suggest the idea of adapting this into a novel to be published or a screenplay for a movie, in case no one has mentioned that to you or you haven’t thought of it. i really believe you have something good here, and with your talent, i could see you being very successful. this story of these two people—who both have internal wounds inflicted on themselves, each other, or from the past—who then grow more self aware and choose to be honest, even when it’s hard, is such a rare thing to see in literature or any kind of art. and i think the world needs more of that. bcs, like i said, this fic was more than just a fic to me. it touched me deeply. i cried, i laughed, and i reflected my own self. in short, it was a journey in more ways than one.

so thank you—for your art, for ‘reader’, and for eddie. i can’t wait for the epilogue and to read whatever stories you may have planned for the future.

<3

(ps so sorry to have word vomited in your ask box.)

first and foremost — never apologize for word vomit in my ask box. i am always a-okay with that. 🖤

i don’t even know what to say. i have this terrible habit of putting a lot more of myself than i care to admit into both my readers and my ocs, and most of the time, it’s not the good parts. usually, it’s the absolute worst parts of myself. i take all the rot inside, and i throw it into these projections, and i try to justify how someone with those qualities would still be deserving of love. it’s always been a coping mechanism. always. and then i’ve always strived to be a better writer, make my words worth reading, because i know how much of myself i’ve put into it.

to know other people see themselves in reader or eddie or any character i write is both so strangely hopeful but also so saddening, and it just makes me want to give you the biggest hug 🫂

on the note of publishing, i have definitely considered it. it’s just a really scary journey to decide to take. but the day i do decide to take the plunge, whether with this story or any other i’ve written or any entirely new one, you all will be the first to know 🖤🖤🖤

thank you so so much for reading, for letting my writing touch your soul the way it has. i am so honored that this fic has had this type of affect on you. this message genuinely made me cry. i am sending you all the love. <3

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Peter Parker’s Younger Sibling

Peter Parker x sibling!reader

warnings: bullying mention, blood mention

a/n: a fuckin reach, its been a WHILE since ive seen tasm

prompt: y/n is peter’s sibling

peter and you were playful kids

you were just a year and some months younger than him, so you had a harder time remembering your parents than him

but he always told you stories about them that made you miss them a little more

peter was a genius, we all know it

he was the one helping you with your homework most nights

“peter i cant do it!”

“that’s okay, y/n. look, start with two times four, that’s eight, then four times six, twenty-four, right?”

“can i say a cuss word?”

“sure”

“math is shit”

you would cry during homework a lot

you’d also pass out on his floor after talking for hours

and you’d either wake up facedown on the floor or in your room since uncle ben would pick you up and put you to bed

peter took it upon himself to take you back to your room, but he usually dragged you by the arm, sooooo

you’d play action figures together

he was batman, you were robin always

“can i be batman?”

“oldest gets to be batman so im batman”

“but i wanna be batman!”

peter walked you to your school before taking off on his skateboard

and he’d pick you up on his way home

on half-days your brother taught you how to skate

you fell a lot

aunt may had to patch you up

“how many times do i have to tell you those skateboards are dangerous?!”

peter got you your own skateboard so that you could practice without him

you would text him after you did a trick and he’d always say hell yes! show me when i get home!

being his photography assistant

really you were his assistant constantly

science fair was the most boring day of the year

“y/n, stand right here, i need to get something from my locker”

*judges walk up while youre left unattended and in a state of PANIC*

you were bullied in middle school, same as peter, he’d always stick up for you and get beat up instead

it made you very mad but it was scary, too

“how’d you get into this fight, peter?”

“oh, you know, just happened”

“peter was sticking up for me, uncle ben”

“was he now? you’re a good brother, peter”

lonely when he moved onto high school :/

but you got there soon enough

you guys were kind of loners, just ate lunch together, lugged around your skateboards, you were an artist, he was a photographer

just spectating the chaos of high school, rolling your eyes at the drama

“i have two bucks, do you want anything from the vending machine?”

“uhh, a coke?”

you saw peter get bullied by flash and lost your shitttt

you actually started a food fight after throwing mashed potatoes in his eyes

“what the hell, parker?!”

“sit down and eat your goddamn food, flash, or next time it wont be potatoes”

peter was half-proud, half-embarrassed

trying to see how long you could skate through the halls before any authority figures stopped you

sometimes......you guys got sent to the office together :)

*phone ringing* “hello, is this ben parker?”

“which one of them is it this time?”

the principal’s office was a trip sometimes

you and peter exchange your glances and wait to get scolded

“ah, the parkers, come in, lets have a chat...why do you two always feel the need to get in trouble together?”

“we just happen to get along really well for siblings”

no you fuckin dont lmaoooo

it was always something with you two

like always

*banging on peter’s door* “I KNOW YOU HAVE MY BROWNIES, PETER, GIVE THEM BACK”

*peter through a mouthful of brownies* “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT, YOURE CRAZY”

“is that my jacket?” -peter

“you mean my jacket?”

“y/n, i swear to god if you steal any more of my clothes it’s over for you”

“well, aunt may keeps giving me your clothes, so take it up with her”

and then there was just the little annoying things

“peter, can you stop clicking your pen?”

*clicks pen faster*

“you’re the worst”

and my personal favorite

“peter, open the door”

“why?”

“emergency”

*opens bedroom door* “what?”

“aunt may is making meatloaf”

“shit, uh...get your board, we’ll skate to mcdonalds and tell her we already ate”

peter and you RARELY ever brought your parents up until he found your dad’s briefcase, you didn’t have much to say

soon he was flooding his room with conspiracies and pulling you in to explain them

he began acting REALLY weird, but he was pretty open with you, he told you he went to oscorp

“YOU SNUCK IN??”

“your standards for me are way too high, y/n”

soon you started to feel not-so-good and weird things started to happen

“peter??”

“yeah? whats up?”

“this is gonna sound really weird...my hand is stuck to the door”

“it happened to you, too??”

“happening, pete. wait—this happened to you?? what is this???????”

yall done fucked up and got bit by spiders peter had so carelessly brought back into the house

it was an adjustment to say the least

and this adjustment got a whole lot harder that one night...you can remember peter just...so upset

you tried to chase him out to make sure he was okay, but uncle ben told you to stay with your aunt

maybe if you’d have been there...it would’ve been different, but when the cops got to your house you were at a loss for words

peter was covered in his blood still

“hey, hey, just breathe, okay? it’s not your fault, peter. just hop in the shower, yeah? i’ll take care of your clothes”

when peter took your advice and you were left alone, you just cried, you cried until he finally found you curled up in a ball in your room

then he cried, you just hugged each other sobbing your eyes out

peter got distant for a while, which was rough since the two of your were mourning for your uncle and dealing with these newfound powers

sooner or later he came around and helped you out, designing webshooters and a suit for you

“we match?”

*sigh* “yeah...yeah, we match”

ah yes, spider-team

you really tripped out new york at first, they thought spider-man was a teleporter

peter was still talking about your dad, but you really didn’t care, uncle ben was always going to be who raised you

you and peter would be covered in bruises after going out

“uh—peter punched me”

“y/n???!!!”

“I PANICKED”

just being dumb scared teens that cant function to save their lives until they get a little bit lucky

seriously like, every big villain you guys fought was just the worst

peter didn’t help all the time, he was good at provoking them sometimes

“hey, spider-man, you mind shutting up for a minute? for my sake?”

“sorry, sorry, just couldn’t help myself!”

he gushed to you about gwen stacy, he actually dragged you to her apartment to be patched up by her SEVERAL TIMES

yadda yadda yadda peter graduated high school! how cool is that? but he was late (what a surprise) even though you put off spidering today just for this

but he made it and you clapped the loudest for him

“thats my brotherrrr!!!”

cute family picture! (aunt may printed a bunch of them and gave them to you two and peter pinned them to his wall)

you and peter actually have a lot of pictures of the two of you just goofing off

he has one of you stuck in a trash can that cracks him up every time

seeing harry osborn again after YEARS

“wow, y/n, last time i saw you i just thought you were peter’s annoying little sibling”

“aww, it’s good to see you, too”

electrooooo

this guy really worried you bc like, bzzzz shock

you and peter weren’t equipped for that

it took a while, but you were finally able to deal with that

and several other problems

including peter’s breakup, which was a whole ordeal of its own

*peter laying upside down on your bed* “i dont know, y/n, you know? i wanna be with her so bad, i love her...but her dad is haunting me”

*you, drawing on your notepad with your legs propped up on his* “yeah, makes sense”

you actually had to tap out during the end of electro, you were hurt pretty bad

“y/n, hey? yeah, you’re okay. stay here, just stay right there, i’m gonna be back for you”

*thumbs up to show youre still alive*

but when peter came back for you there was bad news, he’d lost gwen

he ripped his mask off and fell to his knees, you could barely move but you powered through it, giving him a hug while he cried

“we...we better get home before aunt may starts to worry”

she was at work, so you two had the place to yourselves to clean up and mourn before the official news was revealed

“i should have listened to her dad, y/n, this is all my fault”

he was a mess, you couldn’t bare seeing him like this. it’s been so long since you’d seen him like this

the funeral was rough, peter was grasping onto your shoulder the whole time

he insisted that he was going to stick behind and stay with gwen for a while

“okay, i’ll see you at home...love you”

“love you too”

you gave him a hug and left him to his business, the next few months you were the only spider-person operating in new york...until rhino popped up

“im coming with you”

“you’re sure?”

“yeah, im sure”

(these are kinda ass but anyways im tagging my marvel ppl even tho ik this isnt mcu so just ignore this post if you dont care, sorry!!)

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @allthecreativeonesaretaken // @frostedgiant // @praellee // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs //

[chellestrash]

First date - headcanons

Neil x Reader 

warnings: none its just fluff

authors note: I know this is not exactly what was in the request but im not sure where my mind went with this. Its raining and I've been walking outside for a while so that might by why I wrote this the way I did. im just cold :(

 You’ve been hanging out together for a long time before Neil decided it was time to ask you out on a date

 of course, you’ve spent time alone before but it was never really anything “official”

 that’s why the idea caught you off guard so much

“We don’t have to, if you think it’s silly.”

“Oh, no no I'd love to go...I can’t wait.”

He’s nervous.

God, why is he so nervous about it.

He talks to Ives before he leaves to pick you up and it was supposed to calm him down but it only made him more stressed.

“In the worst-case, she’ll just leave the restaurant mate.”

“...well that’s a little dramatic”

This was a stupid idea, this was a terrible idea.

 He picks you up and holds the door of his car open for you.

 That is after he regains the ability to do literally anything except marvel at how beautiful you look.

You both compliment each other’s looks, laughing and joking in the car on your way to the restaurant.

He forgot to make a reservation.

 fuck.

It’s okay, they have a nice little table outside on the balcony.

You’re glad you don’t have to sit inside.

There are fewer people here so it feels like you’re alone...at least a little bit.

 He’s still very nervous but your soft little touches, your smile, your laugh. Everything makes him feel a tad better.

“We’re like teenagers on our first date in a fancy restaurant!” you point out and he’s surprised by how accurate your statement is

that’s exactly how he feels

a teenager. A silly teenager on a first date with his crush.

you do all the things you’re supposed to do on a date like this, you chat, joke around, eat fancy food, drink some wine then it’s time to leave.

 he helps you with your coat and once again holds the door of his car open for you.

 you drive back to your apartment.

 “I don’t really want to leave yet...” he says. Oh god, why did he said that?!

“I don’t want to leave either,” you answer with a smile

Oh, thank god.

 you decide on a walk.

 it gets cold quickly. the dress was a good idea for the restaurants but not for this unplanned walk around the park

he offers you his coat, of course.

 you walk close to him with your arm around his

 he holds your hand gently in his pocket because

“it’ll keep you warm, at east a bit”

 despite the cold and dark, you seem to be enjoying yourself

you sneeze and he decides it’s definitely time to go back

 he feels stupid for the walk idea, it’s obviously too cold for you

 you shiver a few times while opening the door to your flat.

he decides he needs to make sure you're okay

 he can't have you catch a cold after your first date with him...that is...he can’t have you catching a cold at all.

 you sit on the couch as he picks out a hoodie and some warm trousers

did he blush a tad when you asked him to unzip the dress?

perhaps.

 he prepares warm tea and a hot water bottle for you, some blankets and a heater

“Don’t you think that’s a bit much?” you ask with a chuckle

 “I just...want to make sure you’re okay.”

 you sit on the couch together, with the tv playing in the back, you talk and joke around and he slowly realized he doesn’t feel as nervous as he did earlier

 “I’m sorry you’re gonna get sick, this was a disaster”

you move closer to him so that your back is pressed against his chest now

he pulls the blanket over both of you

“I’m alone with you, I have some hot tea and a movie on. Neil this is one of the nicest dates I’ve ever been on”

 and with that, he relaxes completely. Wrapping his arms around you gently he pressed a kiss on top of your head.

 “was that...too early for that?”

 you chuckle as you turn around kiss him slowly.

[b0oker18]

On the anniversary of ‘My Struggle IV’ I have many thoughts:

I became a fan of The X Files in 2008 when I saw ‘I want to believe’ on DVD. When I watched it I fell in love with Mulder and Scully and the strange universe that they lived in. Long story short over the next few months I watched every episode, then I watched them again and then again (and then again). Not only did I fall in love with M and S but I fell in love with the Mythology, the MOTW, and the themes of science and religion. I’m such a big fan I even (sort of) defend seasons 8 and 9 (I am very much aware of all the problems with both seasons ok lol).

I was so enthralled with this journey that these two lovely people had together! And you know what? I was somewhat happy to leave them and never see them again after ‘I want to believe’ While we didn’t get all the answers like colonization, William, etc. I was ok with that! I even had my own elaborate head canon of what happened after ‘I want to believe’. Basically it involved Gibson getting into contact with M and S to tell them that the colonists had left Earth because William was normal now (so colonization would never happen) and it also involved Mulder writing a series of memoirs that gave him a renewed sense of purpose in life, but maybe I’ll get into it another time cuz it’s a lot lol.

Anyway, one day in 2015 (I think) season 10 was officially announced and I was very happy! I thought finally we were getting closure! Then the Mulder and Scully breakup rumors came out and I knew we were in trouble, but I still wanted to give it a chance. Then Chris Carter called the “revival” series a “reimagining” and again I thought we were in trouble, but I still wanted to give it a chance.

I remember the night ‘My Struggle I’ aired. The Files fandom was SO excited and so was I. I remember loving it! Sure the entire mythology was flushed down the toilet and sure Mulder and Scully were broken up and none of things made any sense, but we got 5 more episodes! The mythology will go somewhere and Mulder and Scully will get back together. None of things happened and I felt horrible! Season 10 is the worst season of The X Files in my opinion. But I didn’t think the show would come back and somehow it was easy for me to ignore and I did for a while.

A year or so later Season 11 was announced and again the hype got to me! Finally we will get the answers to the shows original mythology and finally Mulder and Scully will get back together (noticing a theme here). Then ‘My Struggle III’ aired and it sucked! Haha. But then ‘This’ aired and OMG Dana Scully and Fox Mulder are back together as a romantic couple again! Hooray!!!! 🥳🥳🥳🎉Nope! they weren’t. 😞But that’s ok cuz next week Mulder and Scully will have sex, twice! Then the episode aired and while the episode was somewhat entertaining, it had what I feel is the single worst Mulder and Scully scene in the history of the show. Im sorry but that bed scene was horrendous! It was like two high schoolers talking about if they would still love each other after graduating. These two characters have WAY to much personal history to have any conversation even remotely like that. But they had sex twice and you know HYYYYPPPEEE ZOMGS they did it.... twice!! 😱😱😱.

‘Ghoulie’ was good but William is like a shape shifting monster now or something??? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But dear god the acting of Gillian Anderson was TOP notch! So you know MORE HYYYPPPE!!!

‘Nothing Lasts Forever’ was kinda boring but that ending!!!! They are back together!!!! They are talking about their regrets and letting them go!!!!! YAY!!!! HYYYYPPPEEE level over 9000!! But that shit should’ve happened WAY sooner. And is as fans deserve to know what Scully whispered.

Then we get to ‘My Stuggle IV’. We got car chases! We got Mulder shooting like 20 people! We got Scully doing.... stuff! We got Chris Carter doubling down on William not being the true son of Mulder! But who cares SCULLY IS PREGGOOOSSSSS!!!😱😱😱😱. Greatest series finale EVERRRRR.!!! I got the Mulder and Scully happy ending I have always wanted y’all! Ty Chris Carter!!! 🥳🥳🎉🎉🥳

Yeah, I thought that way for months. Then I walked away from the show for a year or so and I honestly didn’t think much of it! Then the “revival” came back into my conscience. My “revival” HHYYPPEE brain had left me. I started objectively thinking about the revival. Literally nothing made any sense. Mulder and Scully are back in the FBI in there 50’s? With no training? As Mulder is clinically depressed?? Mulder just believes some random person that alien colonization is all bull shit and it was all evil white dudes? This man has been lied to his entire life yet he just believes? That ain’t my Mulder. Where was all that character development from the original series? It certainly wasn’t in Chris Carter’s show bible (I think only a few people will understand that joke lol).

I don’t want to make this post much longer so what I’m trying to get at is the revival as a whole was noting more than a soft reboot. That REALLY bothered me for months when I came back to this show. It’s so goddamn disrespectful to the original fandom. There are still so many fans that care about the original mythology and Mulder and Scully, we wanted to see both progress into new and interesting ways. Instead it’s all burnt down to the ground. Sure Mulder and Scully are cute in the revival series, but what’s it really worth when they aren’t truly together. I get the show needs angst, but at what cost? Breaking them up is the easy way out. That shit hurt me. Same with the mythology, Carter just deletes all of it so he can tell a story that would connect to a new audience. Instead it pissed off just about everyone.

I’ll never, ever begrudge any fan for loving the revival. Actually I’m a little envious, but now that I look at it objectively I just can not reconcile the new Mulder and Scully we got and the new mythology that were being told. So for me the “true” X Files ended after ‘I want to Believe’. Mulder is writing his books, finding his new purpose in life. Scully is still working as a doctor helping children get better. Colonization will never happen and William will have a happy life with his loving adoptive parents. Sure maybe the rest of Mulder and Scullys life may be rather dull. But in my heart of hearts it’s what I believed they longed for, it’s what I longed for after I first saw ‘I Want to Believe’. So I’ll give it to them, they deserve it. I’ll love this show forever. 💜

[idkwhoiamanymorebutwtf]

Imma analyze Amity's diary entries now even though Lost In Language was like ten episodes ago. I was just rewatching it and wanted to share my analysis on what Amity's written

"I saw that human girl again. I may have...overreacted. I don't wanna come across as cruel, I just can't show weakness!"

Okay, let's start here. I think the most interesting part of this is actually her line about now showing weakness. I mean we could focus on the fact that she regrets being so harsh on Luz, but we all know she's a good person by now who doesn't want to be cruel and hurt people. That's no secret. What I find interesting is the reason Amity was so hostile, bordering on cruel. Because she can't show weakness. Nowadays I see people assuming this line might be in reference to her cruch on Luz. She can't show how soft Luz really makes her, you know? But that doesn't make sense because at the time Amity didn't like Luz. Any positive feelings that Amity has for Luz started developing at the end of Lost In Language. I think the emotion she's trying not to express as not to look weak is sadness and hurt. As ive said before, Luz humiliated and upset Amity during their first two meetings. Like, from episode 3 where Willow and Luz cheat in class, we see their actions have consequences. They hurt people. Amity in specific. And that was her first impression of Luz. A cheater. A liar. Somebody willing to let Amity get in trouble or be called jealous and vindictive before she's willing to admit she cheated. And Luz once again humiliated her in episode 5. And again in episode 7 when Luz was hanging out with Amity's cruel older siblings and seemingly going through her diary. Amity fully thought Luz was humiliating her on purpose. Getting her in trouble on purpose. Trying to get closer to her just so she could toy with her. Amity thought Luz was trying to be cruel when Luz hurt her because she never ever met someone who just...did dumb things sometimes without thinking. With her parents and siblings and friends, any hurtful action was meant to be hurtful. Why would she assume that when Luz hurt her it was any different? Luz was anxious around Luz because "every time you get near me I get in trouble!" And she was still hurt from what Luz had done in the past. I think that's the weakness she didn't wanna show. Amity doesn't like being cruel, even to people she think deserve it, but I think her coldness towards Luz in particular was a defense strategy. She was sad and anxious and hurt and embarassed, but those emotions are all weak. They make her look and feel helpless. Anger isn't weak though, so maybe if she's rude and cold towards Luz instead of being hurt and humiliated in frint of Luz she won't look so pathetic. Because Blight's don't show weakness.

"It's not fair! I'm the only one who knows Ed and Em aren't perfect! Why do they keep getting away with things?!?"z

This reveals a little bit more about their general family dynamic. Because we know now that Edric and Emira don't get in trouble very often. That people seemingly think the two are 'perfect'. This probably includes their parents. If Ed and Em really keep getting away with everything (and we know they're big trouble makers) from their parents who we know abuse Amity, then that explains a lot about the dynamic between the Blight siblings. Why Ed and Em think it's okay to make fun of and humiliate and hurt Amity with little to no remorse. Because Edric and Emira have been taught to believe Amity somehow deserves to be treated poorly. That somehow the two of them are above Amity. Because when abusive parents pick a favorite child, then it isn't hard to play siblings against each other. To get their favorites to follow in their footsteps and participate in abusing the 'lesser' child. Which seems like exactly what's happening here. I mean, Edric and Emira's excuses of "It's tough love" and "We're doing this to help Amity" and "This is for her own good" when they were trying to get ahold of Amity's diary sounded like they were taken right out of the mouths of abusive gaslighting parents. Edric and Emira can skip class and vandalize library property without fear of repercautions. Amity goes into a panic over the tiniest mistakes and visibly flinched when people raise their voices at her. This line in her diary kinda confirmed what id already been suspecting from Ed and Em's disregard for Amity's feelings.

"I wish I had somewhere to go.."

This one was interesting to me. Because it can be taken in a few ways. Obviously this "somewhere to go" would be an attempt to escape her horrible home life. The question is weather she means somewhere to go temporarily away from the eyes of her family, or if she wants to run away from home or something of the sort but doesn't have anywhere to run to. And I can't help leaning towards the latter. It would be a little weird for Amity to wish for a place that's all her own to go temporarily when she already has her library hangout. I mean, it seems like she has been hanging out im her library room for a while, and nobody in her family hang out in the library like she does, so Amity does have somewhere to go in that sense already. However Amity didn't, at the time, have anywhere to go if she tried to escape her parents abuse permenantly. All her friends at the time she'd met through her parents so there's no way they would have helped her, Amity's parents had already burned her ties with the only friend who didn't have any loyalty to them and might have been willing to help Amity (Willow), and Amity wasn't very close to Luz at the time. Amity is definately a victim of abuse. It wouldn't surprise me if she wanted out but was being held back by how her parents isolated her to where she only knew people who support her abusive parents.

"Why won't the human leave me alone?!?"

At first I thought Amity was annoyed that Luz wanted to be friends with her. After all, we saw Luz trying and failing to befriend Amity earlier that episode, right? But this entry was almost certainly written before Lost In Language. And before Lost In Language, Luz didn't really try to befriend Amity. This is probably about how Amity thought Luz was a bully. As I mentioned earlier in the post, Amity thought Luz hurt and humiliated her on purpose. Thought Luz was going out of her way to toy with Amity. The thing that lead Amity to dislike Luz was that she thought Luz was dishonest and unremorseful. Amity's had enough of people who are dishonest and unremorseful. Her parents, siblings, and so called friends are all those things. And at first she must have thought Luz was just like them. Luz hurt Amity, Luz lied in how she represented herself, Luz didn't officially apologize until after this diary entry will have been made. And Amity must have been so done with that kind of thing. With lies and unapologetic attitudes. With bullies. And she thought Luz was a bully. I feel like that's the reason she really wanted Luz to just leave her alone. After all, earlier in the episode she said "Every time you come near me I get in trouble! Just leave me alone!", which reminds me a lot of her diary entry also showing a desire for Luz to leave her be.

"I called my teacher mom again..."

Honestly, while Amity calling her teacher mom doesn't seem like anything noteworthy on the surface, I would say it is important. Because for starters, Amity is a bit old to make this mistake. Little kids will sometimes call their teacher mom once or twice by mistake because they're used to the person taking care of them being their mother so sometimes without thinking they'll call their caretaker mom. However ive never heard of a highschooler, a child in the age range where they're less dependent on their parents than little kids are and less likely to see all caretakers as parental figures, call their teacher mom. Much less do it multiple times. And I can't help but wonder if this might be caused by the fact that her parents are the worst, forcing Amity to cling onto her teachers for the praise and support her parents don't give her. She's being abused by her parents, of course she'd grab onto her teachers to be parental figures because they're the only adults she has that don't hurt her. Because fourteen year olds don't usually get into the habit of calling their teachers mom and the fact that Amity has might be a sign of just how wrong things are at home.

"Sorry I haven't written for a while. Wait! Why am I apologizing?"

I mean, honestly, apologizing when you didn't do anything wrong is classic abuse victim behavior. And it is incredibly in character for Amity. She seems to have this perpetual sense of guilt over just...being human (metaphorically, she's a witch, not a human). Over any emotions or the smallest mistakes. It's pretty obvious that someone has made Amity to always feel guilty. Like she's doing something wrong or not doing enough right. To the point where not writing in her diary for a while is something she instinctively apologized for. It's kinds just...classic abuse victim behavior, typical of someone with a lot of self loathing, and makes me wanna punt her parents even more because I habe the feeling they're behind that tendancy.

[petewentzisblack1312]

Hi… I wanted to ask this on anon so I didn’t ask on your personal, idk if this is too personal or anything to ask but

Do you have a problem with people saying they have a mental disorder if they don’t have a diagnosis? Like for me so… I have been diagnosed with anxiety but I am like 99% sure I have bipolar disorder. And like I know you can’t diagnose me so I’m not going to go into depth with my symptoms but ever since I was like, 11, I used to get very depressed to the point where I contemplated ending it but then i would snap out of it and I think for me my manic phase are hypomanic bc ive never experienced like the full range of those symptoms but my depressive phases get very rough esp if I have external stressors but it will go through what I assume to be these phases like sometimes within the day esp if I have a stressor.

I am in nursing school and I work at a psych hospital so like this isn’t coming out of nowhere, I am very familiar with all mental disorders and it was actually during my psych nursing class and learning about bipolar disorder that I was like… hm… why does this feel like a mirror right now. I am aware I should get to a therapist and get an actual diagnosis (if I had money I would lol) but like idk. Idk if it’s worth going to my doctor at my physical and being like “hey I think I have this” I am lucky enough now that I am in a good place and can manage my symptoms but I am terrified I will go through a stressor again and lose it so idk. I mean I feel like I already know the answer but I wanted to ask anyway to see your take :/

Anyway idk as a future medical professional I think self diagnosis got a bad rep and it’s like idk I think for mental disorders esp you can tell if you have anxiety and it’s a persistent problem. You can tell if you have depression. I know bipolar disorder is harder to diagnose but idk I think since I’m in the field it’s easier? Idk I felt like a sense of relief with learning about it and finding similarities and being like “well maybe that’s why I’m like that”. But idk now I’m feeling uneasy bc I don’t have a diagnosis and I don’t want to be like, stepping over people who were diagnosed. Thank you in advance if you read all this and yeah I’m sorry I know it’s a lot and this is controversial

ok this is a long post so im putting it under a cut but tldr, no i dont have a problem with it. it doesnt matter if you actually have an illness, it matters if you find a solution to your problem. if treating yourself like you have a certain condition makes it easier to go through life, then keep doing what works for you, you are doing nothing wrong. this all goes for physical and mental illnesses.

im a firm proponent of self diagnosis. i wouldnt be here if i didnt have the confidence to research mental illnesses and advocate for myself. as someone who is extremely familiar with the medical profession on account of being the daughter of a doctor and a nurse and spending my childhood running around a hospital, im extremely privileged to even have the knowledge and ability to do so, and i try to bear in mind the understandable hesitancy of people without this advantage. i know that you are well within your right to refuse medication that makes you sick, i know that you can complain about a doctor that isnt listening to you, i know that you are allowed and encouraged to be adamant about things you are told dont matter, and in addition to that, i have a VERY well known doctor and a nurse in my corner, and i am STILL treated as though i do not understand my own experiences enough to have any authority more often than i am not.

the reason self diagnosis gets a bad rep imo is because people have constructed this boogeyman of the worst case scenario, people collecting mental illnesses they dont have for attention as opposed to what it is, people doing research into their experiences and making theories on what they have so they can manage it. youll often see the take of "i dont hate self dxd i just hate people who do it for attention" and i think thats very irresponsible considering a symptom of many mental illnesses is thinking youre faking it and doing it for attention, nevermind the fact that attention seeking behaviour is literally a symptom of many mental illnesses people often dont want to empathize with. gatekeeping whos illness is real just keeps people who need help out. i could go into an anarchist screed about democratizing health, but basically, as someone whos life has been saved by my insistence on self diagnosis, and whos life has been made significantly easier by treating myself as though i have the conditions that i theorize i have, self diagnosis saves lives, and i, as an advocate for disabled people of all kinds on my island, will never put any conditionals on self diagnosis. it doesnt matter if you find the right name for your problem, it matters if you find a solution that works. i have yet to meet any of these fabled people who never try to receive a professional opinion, only people who literally cant.

as for feeling guilty, ill repeat how i opened this answer: it does not matter what exactly your problem is, it matters that you find a solution that works. in medicine generally, there will be a wide spectrum of problems with overlapping treatments, things which are similar but distinct, things which look identical but are completely different and at different levels of concern. it doesnt really matter which grab bag of bullshit your brain is reaching from, it matters that you know how to deal with what it throws at you, whatever that may be. dont worry about getting it right, worry about getting it working. okay?

for advice on how to deal with doctors, its helpful to pose it as a hypothetical as opposed to an absolute. when i bring up things im dealing with that i have a theory about i say "i think i have x" or "i think i might have x" or "i have a lot of symptoms of x". doctors are often egotistical and are easily challenged so it helps to pose it at a problem they can solve as opposed to one youve solved for them otherwise they get spooked. in my experience posing it this way leads them to actually interrogate this line of symptoms, and theyll ask you why you think that, and you can bring up symptoms that led you to that conclusion, and ones that give you trouble especially. for example, ive said "i think i may have autism or adhd? or both" to several doctors, and they either agree with me (i believe its been put in my file as a possibility now although i cant get an official test done due to financial and resource restrictions) or they ask why i think so, and i detail what i believe is due to my autism. its small, but this reframing helps a lot.

i think this covers all you said but my head is empty as hell.

[inyournightmares97]

My Youth (Chapter 6)

Broken and miserable, Park Jinyoung returns to his hometown to learn that no matter how hard he falls, there are still people who think he’s a hero.

Warnings: Mentions of suicide/depression, death, angst, slow build, maybe some language.(Please don’t ask when I’ll update. Wait until the series is finished to read if you’re impatient.)

Word Count: 5.7k+

(Can’t put links to the other parts here, please check my Masterlist/the reblog for the Prologue and Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5)

“-Mom, I’m busy,” Jinyoung muttered into the phone. He had been sitting in a crucial meeting with the Finance Director of GOT Tech and representatives of the Financial Regulatory Board. Receiving approval for his company to go public was one of the most critical and risky steps in Jinyoung’s career.

His mother, however, had been calling him constantly for the last twenty minutes.

Mrs. Park sounded upset. “I’m sorry, Jinyoung, dear. I just needed to reach you-”

“Mom, I’m in an extremely important meeting right now. Do you know how it looks when the Managing Director of GOT Group keeps getting calls from his mother during business meetings? What do you want from me?” Jinyoung demanded in a frustrated whisper, running his fingers through his hair. He tried not to let his agitation show on his face; the other high-profile attendees of the meeting could still see him through the glass wall of the conference room.

“Jinyoung, there’s been a terrible tragedy in town,” his mother began nervously. “I don’t… I don’t know how to tell you this, but i suppose there’s no easy way to talk about a death.  Remember I told you that I’ve been going to the hospital every day to meet-”

Jinyoung felt a burst of irritation. The clock was ticking. The Board members were waiting for him impatiently and he could see the disapproval on their faces. “Mom, did you call me to tell me that someone died?”

“Well… yes, but-”

“Mom, I have been preparing for this presentation for months. The future of my company depends on this meeting. This is absolutely the worst time you could have chosen to tell me something like this,” Jinyoung muttered through gritted teeth. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. “Please don’t mess up my focus right now. We can talk about this later. Do you need anything from me urgently?”

Mrs. Park hesitated. “You always seem to be busy these days. I just thought… if we could maybe help out with the funeral expenses or the hospital bills…”

Jinyoung closed his eyes. “Mom, you can just call my secretary for that. She’ll send you whatever amount you need. Send them flowers from me or something, okay? I have to go now.”

“Take care, Jinyoung, dear-”

“Bye, Mom.”

Jinyoung hung up and sighed, pressing his fingers to his temple. His personal secretary had followed him out of the room and was watching him nervously. He hadn’t even asked his mother who it was that had passed away. Was it somebody he knew? Maybe it was best that he didn’t think about it too much for now.

“Take my Mom’s call and ask her who died, send them money for the funeral and all those formalities,” Jinyoung told his secretary shortly. She nodded and made a note of it on her phone quickly while Jinyoung cleared his mind.

Focus. The presentation. The numbers.  

Jinyoung took a deep, calming breath and plastered a rehearsed smile on his face before he turned to enter the conference room once more.

“I’m so sorry to keep you gentlemen waiting,” Jinyoung greeted all the well-dressed men with a bright smile. “I hope you can forgive me. Mothers seem to have a knack for calling at the most inconvenient times, don’t they?”

The men chuckled politely. “That’s perfectly fine, Mr. Park.”

“May I begin the presentation?”

“Please, do.”

--------

Jinyoung believed that to achieve something great, you needed to make certain sacrifices.

He had always known that the path he was embarking upon was not an easy one. Establishing your own business meant that you didn't get off work at 5 pm sharp, you couldn’t spend your weekends at a countryside cabin or getting drinks with your friends. You needed to keep working until things got done. You needed to compete in the market. You needed to be strong enough to pick up after your losses and clever enough to make friends in the right places. People were depending on you.

Jinyoung hadn’t merely chosen a career, he had chosen a life.

A very lonely life.

Whenever his mother would call him and try to have a casual chat, Jinyoung would find himself irritated. Who cared whether Mrs. Lee from the grocery store was giving a discount on strawberry bread? What did it matter if Mr. Cha had been trying to sell his little farmland? There was important work to be done. Jinyoung needed to talk to the advertising agents to make sure his products were being launched properly, he needed to negotiate discounts with suppliers to ensure he could meet the planned pricing goals. There were employees relying on him. There were investors who had trusted him with their money. There were quarterly goals that had to be met.

Every second of Jinyoung’s time was precious. Why couldn’t everyone understand that? Why couldn’t his mother stop thinking that her tiny little world in this tiny little town was everything, and understand the importance of what her son was doing?

There are a limited number of hours every man has at his disposal. We each make a conscious choice regarding how to spend each one.

It was only now, standing in front of your mother’s grave, that Jinyoung came a terrifying realization.

He had made the wrong choices.

------

“It was heart failure,” Mrs. Park whispered.

Jinyoung’s hands clutched the cup of tea firmly. It was hot and uncomfortable, but not more than the sick feeling in his stomach. Every word his mother spoke made him feel more pathetic.

What had he been doing all those months while your mother was in hospital and when she’d died? Preparing for his company to go public? Sitting in meetings and sucking up to corporate officials? Only to be fired and thrown out of the company. Only to have missed the death of somebody who had trusted him and cared for him.

“But she couldn’t have been that old…” Jinyoung muttered.

Mrs. Park shook her head softly. “She’d always had a weak heart, Jinyoung. Her health was fragile and after her husband passed away she had no choice but to work to support her daughter. All those long hours and late nights for years… they took their toll in the end. She had her first stroke three years ago. She was in hospital for a few weeks and then she had the second one; the one that took her life.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes, remembering your mother in his mind’s eye.

“She always looked tired. And worried.”

“She was.” Mrs. Park reached out and placed a hand over her son’s nervously. “I’m sorry, Jinyoung. I should have told you about it sooner. But you were always so busy in Seoul, always doing important things. It never seemed like the right time to tell you about something so devastating. It’s my fault.”

Jinyoung let out a small scoff. “Don’t take the blame on yourself. That doesn’t help me.”

Mrs. Park looked upset. “Jinyoung-”

She was interrupted by a loud knocking at the front door. Jinyoung closed his eyes and pressed his fingers to his temple while he listened to his father go to the door and yell at the person on the other side. The reporters had already found his home address. They had started arriving one-by-one since this morning. Each of them desperately wanted an interview with Park Jinyoung, the man who had lost his empire overnight. They wanted to know what he had to say about his dismissal from his own company.

Mr. Park re-entered the living room and sighed. “They’re getting more persistent. I think I should call the local police before they start trying to shove their way into our house.”

Jinyoung nodded and stood up. “I’ll go down to the police station myself and ask them to send someone to deal with this harrassment. Mom, you’ve told everyone we know to deny any reporters who request them for an interview, right?”

“Yes, but is it really a good idea for you to be going outside now-”

“I think I’ll lose my mind if I stay indoors,” Jinyoung muttered. He grabbed the black hoodie that was slung over the back of the sofa and glanced at his parents. They were both looking at him with wide, worried eyes.

Jinyoung felt a sudden wave of guilt wash over him; why should they have to deal with so much because of his mistakes? Why was he always the one taking and yet never giving?

“I’m sorry,” he apologized softly. “I’ll try and be back for dinner.”

------

Jinyoung’s legs carried him naturally towards the elementary school.

Perhaps it was a subconscious urge to see you, even though he had no idea what he would say if you really appeared before him. Anything Jinyoung could have said to help should have been said three years ago. Words like I’m sorry seemed like an insensitive joke at this point; too little and far too late.

Jinyoung sat silently on the bench by the schoolyard with his face covered by his dark hoodie, and wondered how his life had brought him to this point.

Left with nothing with shame.

“Ahjussi!”

By the time Jinyoung looked up, there was already a tiny figure running straight towards him at full speed. He flinched and braced himself for the impact; only to have the small boy stop centimetres away from him and throw his arms around him happily. Jinyoung stiffened.

“What-”

“Ahjussi, you are Park Jinyoung!” Ki-woo cried delightedly. The boy was beaming. Jinyoung noticed for the first time that one of his front teeth was missing, but it was still one of the brightest smiles he had ever seen. “Miss told me yesterday! Why did you lie and say you weren't? I can’t believe the King of the Playground walked me home after school and I didn’t even know!”

Jinyoung couldn’t resist a small smile. The sight of the little boy bouncing on his feet warmed him for a moment and he patted Ki-woo on the head. “If somebody asked Clark Kent if he was Superman, he wouldn’t say yes, now would he?”

Ki-woo’s eyes widened in understanding. “Wow. That’s so true! You’re so cool!”

“You’ll have to keep my secret.”

“Of course I will! Ahjussi, can you tell me how you did it? How did you manage to climb the oak tree?” Ki-woo demanded, grabbing Jinyoung’s arm and tugging on it eagerly. “You have to tell me, you just have to! Were you really tall?”

Jinyoung blinked. “Tall? Not particularly…”

“Then how? How did you do it?”

Jinyoung opened his mouth to respond but he was cut off by a loud yell. He had been so preoccupied with Ki-woo that he hadn’t noticed the much larger man that was making his way across the school yard. Jackson Wang had a huge smile on his face and without greeting, he threw his arms around Jinyoung in a fierce hug.

“Park Jinyoung! Look who finally decided to grace us with his presence!” Jackson cried happily. He pulled back and noticed the blank look on Jinyoung’s face. With a frown, he pointed to himself eagerly. “Remember me? Jackson! Jackson Wang! You used to pass me all the answers in History class!”

Jinyoung swallowed. “Uh…”

“Mr. Wang, you’re friends with Park Jinyoung?” Ki-woo asked, his mouth gaping open.

Jackson blinked and looked down at the boy sheepishly. “Ah, Ki-woo. I didn’t see you down there. Didn’t your teacher tell you to wait inside until someone came to pick you up? Go back indoors now.”

Ki-woo pouted. “But-”

“Nope. Back inside. Now.”

Jackson waited until Ki-woo began to slouch back towards the school building and then turned back to Jinyoung. “Man, you’re pretty much the celebrity around these parts now, eh? We had a couple of reporters come by the school this morning, asking for anyone who used to know you. You have nothing to worry about! I scared them off. These babies aren’t here for nothing,” Jackson beamed and flexed his bare bicep.

Jinyoung didn’t really know how to respond. “Nice.”

Jackson narrowed his eyes. “You do remember me, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course-”

“We should get drinks sometime and catch up now that you’re back in town! Man, I really owe you. You did me a solid one that Christmas before you left, remember? I’ll buy you a couple of beers at the pub. What’s your phone number?” Jackson demanded.

“I don’t really have a phone right now…”

“Don’t have a phone?” Jackson looked confused. “Weird but okay. I guess I can always ask Miss First Grade to get in touch with you. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me you were back in town!” he cried, slapping Jinyoung’s arm playfully. “Hold on… you’re here to see her, aren’t you?”

Jinyoung cleared his throat. “Not exactly…”

Jackson chuckled knowingly. “No worries, man. I’ve got your back. I need to go inside and take care of the kids now, so I’ll tell her to come out and meet you here, yeah? Let me know if any more of those reporters come around. I’ll take handle them for you!”

Jinyoung forced a smile. “Thanks-”

“No problem, man. It’s what friends are for. We’ll catch up soon!”

“Sure.”

Jinyoung watched Jackson half-run back to the school building, letting out a sigh of relief. Each person he came across in this town seemed to remember something about him and the one who possessed the most dangerous knowledge was Jackson Wang. In addition to having been the resident supplier of inappropriate magazines and the one who’d convinced Jinyoung to try his first cigarette behind the park back in high school, Jackson simply knew a little too much about everybody.

Jinyoung sat down on the bench and took a deep breath. He just realized that Jackson had said he would send you out to meet him. Why hadn’t he told him not to? He wasn’t prepared to face you. Idiot.

It was a few minutes before you emerged from the school building and walked towards Jinyoung. There was a pleasant smile on your face as you approached, and it made Jinyoung’s stomach turn. How could you smile at him like that? How could you be so calm about everything?

“Jinyoung,” you greeted him, confused. “Should you be roaming around out here? There are reporters buzzing all around town.”

Jinyoung cleared his throat. “Uh. Yeah, I know. Jackson said he drove them away...”

You rolled your eyes. “That idiot Jackson Wang? He was fully prepared to seize his five minutes of fame by telling them how you used to help him cheat in History class. I had to step in and force him to deny the request for an interview,” you muttered. Jinyoung’s eyes widened and you gave him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. I sent a message to the principal of the middle school and the high school. Nobody’s going to give any interviews about you.”

Jinyoung felt small.

“Thanks,” he muttered.

“Did they find your house?”

“Yeah. They’ve been knocking the door all day. It’s really starting to bother Mom and Dad.”

Your expression was sympathetic. “Should I call the police?”

“Don’t worry. I was going to go down to the station myself and ask them to send someone to get rid of the reporters,” Jinyoung reassured you. He felt his heartbeat thump wildly as he looked at your gently smiling face. Should he say it? Should he talk about the elephant in the room? Even though he hadn’t prepared what to say?

“About… about last night…”

You blinked. “Yeah?”

He sighed. “About your mother. I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I know that’s no excuse, but I should have been there and-”

You cut him off with a forced smile. “Jinyoung. It’s okay. It’s not like you could have done anything for her even if you were here, you’re not a doctor. Everyone did the best they could.”

Jinyoung swallowed. “I might not have been able to help her. But… I should have been there for you.”

The smile dropped from your face. What could you say? Jinyoung’s eyes were filled with shame but it wasn’t the right time for him to be offering condolences. That time had long passed.

But you still remembered his words from last night as he’d hugged you. I don’t feel as alone when I’m here. Jinyoung had been through so much. How could you say anything to such a broken man except for it’s okay? How could you offer him anything but comfort when he had nobody but you?

How could you not be the bigger person when he was suffering?

“It’s fine, Jinyoung,” you promised him softly. “You don’t need to worry about it.”

“How can I not-”

“Seriously. Please. It’s in the past and nobody was to blame. It happened around the time your company was going public, so I can only imagine how chaotic your life and work must have been back then. I don’t resent you.”

Jinyoung looked up at you in disbelief. “How can you not?”

“I just… don’t. It’s fine.”

“Do you really mean that? Do you really mean that?” he demanded.

“I do,” you insisted firmly. You glanced at your watch and sighed. “Wow, it’s getting late. We have a PTA fundraiser at school tonight so I need to start setting up. Oh! Did you bring my bicycle by any chance?” you asked him hopefully.

Jinyoung shook his head. “Uh, no. The reporters were in front of my house so I slipped out through the back…”

“Can you drop it by the school later? I’m going to staying back pretty late because I have to wrap up after the event is over. It might even take till midnight and the buses stop running at 9 so I need a way to get home. It’s not too much trouble, is it?”

“No, that’s fine. I’ll drop it off here later.”

You gave him a small smile as you turned to go back indoors. “Bye, Jinyoung.”

“Bye.”

---------------------------

The PTA fundraiser left you drained of energy.

You would much rather have dealt with a hundred kids at once than with a handful of parents. At least kids could be made to see reason, they could be convinced with a little bit of logic (however flawed). Adults, on the other hand, believed that they knew best and that things had to be done exactly the way they wanted. Adults were unreasonable. Adults liked to throw around their authority.

You had never wanted to get into bed so badly.

You stayed back late to clean up after the fundraiser was over. It wasn’t required of you, but it was something that you somehow ended up volunteering to do. All the other teachers had families to go home to and kids to take care of. You only had an empty apartment.

Asking them to stay back instead of you felt selfish.

You slung your bag over your shoulder and trudged out into the parking lot to see that the bicycle racks were empty. Shit. Had Jinyoung forgotten to leave the bicycle behind for you? Where was he?

You pulled out your cell phone and then sighed. Damn Park Jinyoung. He didn’t even have a stupid phone. It was far past the time that Mr. and Mrs. Park would have gone to bed and you didn't want to wake them by calling them. But your apartment was too far to walk and you would have to pass by the pub; you had no interest in meeting the town’s drunkards alone in those narrow alleys  at midnight.

You sighed and dialled another number.

“Jackson, hey. I’m so sorry, I know you just left a little while ago, but…”

-------------------

It was 1am when you heard a loud banging on your front door.

You had just finished taking a shower and were getting ready to slip into bed when the noise began. Your heartbeat racing, you grabbed hold of a kitchen knife quickly and then slowly approached your door.

“Who’s there?” you yelled out, voice shaking.

The voice that replied was muffled. “Jinyoung!”

Jinyoung? At this time of night?

You opened the door carefully. The first thing that hit you was the awful smell; Jinyoung stank of sweat and cheap beer. His eyes were red and his face flushed as he looked at you almost wildly.

“Are you okay?” he demanded, grabbing your shoulders to look at you properly. His hands were trembling and he seemed unaware of how loud his voice was. “Are you all right? I was looking for you everywhere!”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Wow, you’re drunk.”

Jinyoung’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry- I’m so, so, sorry-”

“How about you come inside before you bring my neighbours running over with all of your noise?” you snapped. You had little patience for drunks, and knowing that Jinyoung had been out getting drunk instead of returning your bicycle did not please you. “Where have you been?”

Jinyoung stared at you helplessly, his arms waving around as he spoke. “I-I was just going to get one drink, I swear. But it led to another and I totally forgot about your bike and I was so scared that you might have walked home because I know that path passes by the pub and it’s not safe-”

“Relax,” you told Jinyoung as you guided him gently towards your couch. “I didn't walk. I called Jackson, he drove me home.”

“Jackson? Wang? Why? Are you guys close?” he asked, plopping down heavily on the couch.

You shrugged. “He’s a good friend.”

Jinyoung paused for a moment and then hung his head quietly.

“We used to be good friends.”

You looked down at Jinyoung properly. He was a wreck. His dark hair was a tangled mess and the light blue dress shirt he was wearing was wrinkled with a beer stain on it. There were even large sweat stains under his arms; he’d probably cycled all the way here in a panic.

And he’s one of the Most Eligible Bachelors under 40. If only the magazine had seen him like this.

“We’re still friends,” you told him lightly. “Although it wouldn’t do any harm to return my bicycle when I ask for it. Do you want a glass of water?”

Jinyoung blinked at you dazedly. “Do you have beer?”

“Absolutely not. Haven’t you had enough?”

His lower lip pouted slightly as he stared down at the floor. “I’ve been drinking all evening but I haven’t reached the point where I feel good or forget about my problems yet. In fact, I keep thinking about them even more. How about a cigarette?”

“You will not smoke in my house,” you told him with a firm glare.

To your surprise, Jinyoung suddenly smiled. It was only a gentle curve of his lips but you spotted it and frowned at him with your arms folded across your chest. “Are you feeling proud of yourself right now? Do you think your behaviour is something to laugh about?” you demanded.

Jinyoung looked up at you softly. “No.”

“Then why are you-”

“Because this is the first time you’ve given me that look since I came back,” Jinyoung admitted quietly. His voice trembled. “This is the first time you got angry at me. You don’t seem to get angry at me anymore.”

You didn’t understand. “Why would you want me to be angry at you-”

“Because you have to be angry with someone before you can forgive them. You have to first admit that they hurt you or that they did something wrong, and only then can you begin to repair your relationship,” Jinyoung whispered. He looked up at you and you could see the tears brimming in his eyes. “So tell me honestly. Have you forgiven me already?”

You swallowed. “I was never mad at you to begin with-”

“You’re lying.”

You clenched your fists as your heartbeat thudded. “I’m not lying. You’re drunk. You should drink some water and you can sleep on the couch-”

Jinyoung looked up at you, his eyes bloodshot yet surprisingly clear. “You are lying. Either you’re lying or you’re not the same girl I remember.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because the girl I knew wouldn’t have pretended to forgive a friend to spare his feelings. She would have grabbed me by the shirt, looked me in the eye, and said Park Jinyoung, you’re an absolute bastard for leaving me here when I was having a hard time. She wouldn’t have spared my feelings. She would have expected me to be there for her because that’s what friends do. They count on each other.”

You closed your eyes. How had Jinyoung seen right through you? Even after 10 years, how could he see through you like you were made of glass?

“I’m not angry,” you tried to tell him slowly, even though you weren’t sure who you were convincing anymore. “Because I never expected you to be there. You were busy and I had no expectations-”

Jinyoung scoffed. “You’re lying again.”

“I’m not-”

“You are. Friendship is when you help someone, because you trust that they would do the same for you. What you’re doing for me isn’t friendship. You don’t trust me anymore. If you have no expectations from me, then that’s charity!” Jinyoung spat out. Tears were brimming in his eyes and his voice was choked. “Is that what I am to you? Charity?”

You clenched your fists and let out a small, humourless laugh. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”

“What?”

“Where the fuck do you get off accusing me of treating you like charity? After what you did?” you snapped.

Jinyoung stared at you blankly. “Tell me.”

Your throat closed up. You didn’t want to talk about it. You didn’t want to drag yourself back to what had been the lowest point of your life, especially not in front of Jinyoung. You didn’t know who he was to you anymore. How could you open up to him?

“I can’t,” you muttered. “I don’t want to talk about it, Jinyoung.”

“Please,” Jinyoung whispered. “Please. At least tell me I was a terrible friend for not being there. Tell me I was a terrible friend for not even knowing about your mother.”

You took a deep breath and sat down, your knees feeling weak. You had never imagined that you would have to sit next to Jinyoung and say these words to him while he was drunk. Yet, as his dark eyes pierced into yours, he looked more sober than ever.

“It was my fault she died,” you whispered, shakily. “I know how hard my Mom worked to raise me. I know how much she struggled after my Dad passed away. The doctor told me her heart attack was probably caused by stress- years of it. She was growing old but she’d never even gone for a health check-up because we couldn’t afford it.”

Jinyoung stared at you silently.

“I needed someone to say this to back then,” you admitted quietly. “I needed someone who would listen to me and who wouldn’t try to convince me that it wasn’t my fault or that I didn't do anything wrong. That’s what everyone kept doing. They kept trying to comfort me but I just wanted someone who would listen. I wanted you,” you mumbled.

Jinyoung only nodded. His hands reached out to take both of yours. He grasped them tightly.

“I knew you were busy, but I always had this hope that maybe you would come to the funeral,” you whispered. “I thought… surely, whatever I did to make you cut me off, it wasn’t so bad that you wouldn't even turn up to my mother’s funeral. But the truth was that I couldn’t grieve properly because the hospital was hounding me about the bills, I…”

You took a deep breath. You hated thinking about those moments. You had felt so helpless and alone, backed into a corner. “I don’t think it even sank in that my mother was dead until a few days later,” you mumbled. “ I spent the first day wondering how the hell I was going to pay the hospital bills instead of thinking about her. Your mother tried comforting me, she told me it would all be fine and that she would call you for help.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes; tears were clinging to his eyelashes.

“She did,” he mumbled.

You felt the walls around you come crashing down as you looked at the broken man in front of you. You remembered how badly you’d wanted to see him then, how much you’d craved his comfort. You remembered how furious you had been when you realized that Jinyoung had abandoned you.

“I thought you would call,” you mumbled. “I didn’t want to disturb you but at the same time I trusted that you wouldn’t leave me alone at a time like that.”

Jinyoung’s voice was soft. “I’m sorry.”

“It would have been better if you hadn't done anything at all,” you mumbled. “Maybe then I could have forgotten about it in the mess that I was going through. But you didn’t. I got a call from your secretary the night before the funeral.”

Jinyoung lowered his head. His hands were trembling even as they held yours and you could hear his soft sniffle. “Shit,” he muttered, his voice thick with tears. “Shit, I can’t believe-”

“I thought you’d finally called. But it wasn’t you. I had to hear some strange woman tell me over the phone that Park Jinyoung is sorry he can’t make it to the funeral but he sends his condolences,” you choked out. You smiled humorlessly. “As if I was some distance acquaintance you barely knew. You sent me your condolences through your secretary.”

“I didn’t- I didn’t know it was you…”

“And then she told me that if I would just email her a copy of the hospital and funeral bills then all the expenses would be taken care of,” you mumbled. “She said that she could send me as much as I needed, no limit. I was so embarrassed. I wanted-I wanted to tell her that you could go fuck yourself and that I didn’t want your condolences and your money. I wanted to refuse so badly, but…”

You hung your head in shame. “But I couldn’t,” you whispered. “I couldn’t say that to her because it was true. I had no other way of paying those bills. So I sent her the details and I let you pay for them. Whether you know it or not, you paid for all my mother’s hospital bills and funeral while I sat here and wondered how I had become such a worthless daughter.”

Jinyoung’s hands clasped yours so tightly that it hurt. His shoulders were shaking and you could see the sobs racking his chest. “I didn’t mean to-” he sobbed. Jinyoung’s tears landed on your clasped hands. “I didn’t mean to, I swear…”

You slowly removed your hands from his. “I have the accounts,” you muttered. “I’ve been saving up to pay you back. It might take me a few more years but-”

Jinyoung flinched. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s not open to discussion, Jinyoung.”

“Don’t say you’ll pay me back, please-”

“I will pay you back,” you said firmly. You took a deep breath. “You know why? Because I might be able to forgive you for not being there when I needed you. But I will never, never forget how cheap I felt the moment I ended that phone call. So don’t talk to me about charity; I know how it feels to be on the other end of it.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes. He felt light-headed and blank as he thought about everything you’d said. No wonder you didn’t consider him a friend. No wonder you couldn't bring yourself to be honest with him. No wonder there was something fake and forced about your every smile.

Jinyoung hadn’t just messed up.

He had destroyed something precious to him without even realizing it.

“It’s late,” you mumbled after a brief silence. “You should go to sleep. Here, just; make yourself comfortable on the couch and I’ll get you a blanket and some pillows.”

Jinyoung swallowed. “I-I can’t…”

“You’re not going anywhere at this time of night while you’re drunk,” you told him. You pushed him lightly so that he leaned back against the sofa. “Stay put. I’ll be back. I think we’ve talked enough for tonight.”

“Can you just promise me one thing?” Jinyoung asked quietly.

“What’s that?”

“Even if you don’t consider me your friend anymore, even if you’re just being nice to me because you’re that kind of a caring person… don’t give up on me completely.” Jinyoung looked up at you desperately. “Please. Tell me that I can fix things. Tell me I haven’t broken our friendship and my life beyond repair.”

You looked down at him. Lying on your couch in his crumpled dress shirt and the beer stains, Jinyoung looked pathetic. Perhaps it was because you’d finally let out all the resentment you’d been bottling up for so long. Perhaps it was because, looking into Jinyoung’s eyes now, you could see that he did care. But you suddenly didn’t feel so hollow anymore.

You didn’t feel so lonely in your pain.

“Everything can be fixed, Jinyoung,” you told him softly.

“Even us?” he mumbled.

You nodded. “Even us.”

“Even me?”

“Especially you.”

Jinyoung slowly closed his eyes and you went into the other room to get him a spare pillow and a blanket. He let you place the pillow under his head and snuggled into the soft blanket. You turned to switch off the light when you heard him mumble.

“You know something?”

“What, Jinyoung?”

“I thought that the most unbearable thing about being fired from the company was all the effort I’d put into it. I thought I couldn’t bear it because I’d done so much for it for the years,” he said slowly.

You blinked at his curled up figure under the blanket.

“But it’s not?” you asked.

Jinyoung shook his head. “It’s not how much I’ve done for the company that I can’t bear. It’s how much I sacrificed for it.”

-------------------

[survivorkalokairi]

Episode 1: “How do I bond with people” - Mitch

Dylan C

https://youtu.be/MiBLiRlSzFc

Stephen

It’s round one and I’ve already learnt a foreign word for pee, this seasons gonna be great

Cam

hello everyone and welcome to HOLY FUCK by cameron, your local certified sick kid

so first of all

I HAVE DYLAN AND MATT SUMMERS AND MITCH ON MY TRIBE

which is all fine and dandy

ABBEY IS ON? THE OTHER TRIBE?

which is also fine and dandy

blake is super sweet and i adore this newbie already!! he's like "im so overwhelmed im in two games"....... sweetie

BUT ALSO

so i message jay to idol hunt

"first in line"

i say "this is door 9 all over again!"

i wait about 15 minutes

go through the path, dee dee dee dee dee

"fountain or pay an offering to the statue" 

me, in my hellenic witchcraft practices, knowing the goddesses really like offerings, gonna offer aphrodite some food (sorry hera)

guess what aphrodite gives me?

an idol. she gives me an idol. i'm truly blessed. this is ridiculous. i got the idol the very first idol hunt of the season.

i'm shaking.

Dylan C

oh my god how to I play a game with my close friends sksjsh (i’ll make a Proper confessional later)

Brittany

i've been doing duolingo for, like, an hour now and there are so many ways to say the. i've counted around 4. it's pretty fun though, and everyone on my tribe seems really cool and nice cx

Zabbey

Wow ok so my tribe is really cute and wholesome so far. I'm playing with JG, Timmy and Stephen which is cool bc i lowkey know them all but I've never played with them so thats fun! I cant really speak on the newbies since I havent really talked to any of them yet but I'm excited to get to know them! It's wild knowing cam and dylan are on the other tribe, I hope i get to play with them too! 

Stephen

Cal is the best, i would love to work with Cal, JG, Timmy, and Zabbey. But i’m still gonna gove the other new guys a chance, still very early days to start making alliances. That being said I’m still very happy we have had a majority on a call, make some ties. *glares at atomic “all-stars”*

Zach

So uh...so far nothing. Unless I’m completely out of the loop. I really like my tribe mate Zabbey. She seems cool and we have the same sense of humor. I really hope to align with her, but we’ll see how it goes. I also really admire Maynor for volunteering to sit since he has to work today. So far I think our tribe vines well. No tea to spill yet, but I’m sure there’s more to come.

Alex

Many people werre talking about drag race and I've never seen it and I kinda knew this would happen to me at some point in mylife when I end up being the bad gay who hates Lady Gaga and hasn't seen drag race and we're here folks.  lol I guess I'll stay quiet and hopefully noone will find out 

J.G.

Night one was, interesting to say the least. I was a little worried because I knew that I had to work during the first hour of the game and with new people I did not want to miss out on the bonding opportunities. Shockingly few were active among the noobies mostly Zach and Cal. The vets on my tribe, I actually know which is wild. Stephen and I have played together in the past, not together but there is for sure no bad feelings, that I know of. Abbey and Timmy I have never played with them but I know of them from the community. I have always wanted to play with them and excited for this opportunity. I know from a viewer this will come off as boring but I do feel that sticking with the vets is going to be smart at least in the early stages but mark my words, if I have any say, Abbey will be the last boot before merge. There is no way hell, I am letting her get any where near merge, I am not dumb no what she can do. Sorry Abbey, you're queen but the queen is not gonna stay queen. I really want to make a three tight alliance with Stephen and Timmy and ride with them but they could always tip off Abbey and use it to their advantage so I need to just chill and let things play out. I feel that if we are to go to tribal in the early stages, I can picture two noobs being easily targeted for inactivity. Oh, let's also talk about how I got freaking 20% disadvantage night one like I always do, and then turn around to get a 10% advantage the next day. I'm mess but I'm gonna keep eating these grapes because they're pretty good.

JG

So I was really sure I was going to be in the first alliance of the season amongst the vets but nope that didn't happen. I am in a unprecedented alliance with Abbey, yeah the person I said I want to make sure gets out before merge and Zach. Our alliance is called Two Gays and a Bi-by ... iconic as fuck. With a smaller tribe starting size with 8, smaller alliances are key plus I feel that we can easily pull some side votes for numbers to honestly keep our alliance alive and active. This makes targeting Abbey really hard cause it could turn Zach against me. I will have to be very cautious, how I go about this. I also talked to Cal and was making sure I connected with him cause I know he was putting work in on Timmy and Stephen last night. That is something I will have to monitor. That can not be allowed to happen. I think working with Timmy would be fun and cool but it's looking like that if after a early not so active noob goes and we need to find another target, I think Timmy would be a fine first threat to knock out leaving Stephen and Cal up in the air.

Cal

Lots of stuff! I was late to the party at the intro but got to chat with Timmy, JG, and Stephen. I learned about their past in the community as well as talked about the many moods of trying to learn greek. One such mood is probably me always confusing the "pi" sign and the one shaped like the letter "p" leading to accidentally translating baby as fool. Ironically I really don't want to be seen as either while a baby or fool especially since I'm new. I've really enjoyed meeting my tribe mates but I'm afraid to see where the pleasant meet and greet ends and the game begins.

Maynor

My thoughts on this tribe is that i like everyone and i dont want any of them to leave. Ive been trying to talk to everyone n try to be social player since im sitting out the first challenge.

Blake

welp. i still dont really know whats going on but... IM HAVING FUN. Ive talked with Dylan C a bunch and we have gotten to know each other pretty well. The greek challenge? a MESS. I havent been able to do a lot and the little i have done is not even worth mentioning. I hope the next challenge is a little easier for me but until then... YAY! 

Maynor

Last night Brittany and I started talking and decides since we are newbies that we will work as a duo to keep each other safe since the game has newbies & returning players. As of right now she is my #1 but i am talking to others.

Maynor

Second day has been very interesting. Ive been talking to Cal and J.G. pretty much all day seperately. And both want to align and J.G brought up maybe doing three person alliance and he said we should try n bring in Cal. In my head i was like yes. So now its an allince of me, Cal, and J.G. which is great. If its all 100% (my end it is) then this is going to be great.

Timmy

Wow, I haven't made a confessional yet. WE WON IMMUNITY!!! I'm very relaxed now, but also I don't think I would have gone anyways so woot woot. I did the worst on my tribe so that's not too great (pretty sure the 810 from the post was my score), but I still did better than the entire other tribe so wooo. I'm so happy to finally be in a game with Abbey and I really want to work with her and we have been talking already about the nothingness that has come from our idol hunts so that's good. I still haven't talked to Zach or Brittany so I need to do that soon, Zach seems nice in the tribe chat but Brittany seems nonexistent at the moment even though she did well in the challenge. 

Cam

well i may have won a main season last night

but let me tell you

WE DID NOT WIN THAT MY DUDES LMAO. we were literally beat ten times over. i hope the f tribe feels good about how much they squished us. they... earned that. truly. 

but now jay says... there's an announcement? and this is what immediately ensues

On 7/21/18, at 9:29 PM, Jay 🐠 (Kalokairi Host) wrote:

> but first there will be an announcement

On 7/21/18, at 9:29 PM, Cameron Culpepper (Atomic Admin) wrote:

> oh no

On 7/21/18, at 9:31 PM, Dylan R. wrote:

> oh cool

and it was just announced! so there is redemption. this is nice! i'm less worried about work now. like obviously i'm gonna do my best? but... if i fuck up at least there's a CHANCE.

oh yeah and the idol. day 2 in the game, still haven't told anyone, so that's pretty cool! we'll see how long that lasts.

dylan c and i had a conversation about how if we don't work together neither of us will hold it against the other but like... im pretty sure we're gonna work together anyway. 

wouldn't it be cute to make f3 with dylan c and abbey? god that's the dream. but it won't happen.

Maynor

The alliance is official between me, JG, and Cal. Are alliance name is MEW but greek that looks like mew. I like both and i hope they are ride or die as i am with this alliance. But just so we could have one more vote, im keeping my ally, Brittany, secret for now. 

Mitch

Welcome to Greece! I consume goat cheese, so I'm something of a Greek expert myself you know. I'm very excited to meet all of my tribemates but now I'm probably going to talk about them individually since Idk what else to do

I haven't played a game in so long I have no fucking idea how to socialize oh my god. I feel like everything I type is awkward and sad. At least the first challenge was relatively easy since I never had to type anything and have free time up the wazoo . But fuck we got crushed lmao. I dunno what secret they used but I take comfort in knowing that they were probably worried about us doing the same thing. Maybe I probably won't get voted out for having a score of 600 but WE SHALL SEE

Alex - Where is he? He did the challenge but he hasn't said a word ever. I want to keep him but uh Blake - 15 exp huh. 15? :| I only got increments of 10 where did the 5 come from Cameron - Aaaa. I enjoy Cameron and hopefully he enjoys me Dylan C - Oh this distinguishing between Dylans will be fun. But hopefully this Dylan and I can... meet in the middle somewhere yes Dylan R - One of the 4 people who have spoken to me! This kid is GOING PLACES and I'm glad to help him along for the ride Maddie - She is camping and I completely understand. Matt - I mean sure Matt and I KNOW each other but do we really? It's not like we were buddy buddy in Navarino. Unless he thinks we were? If he does... uh oh

How do I bond with people

Cal

Maynard just brought together me and JG together to start an alliance all while the results of the immunity challenge was finished. I was nervous but not only did we win but we have an amazing three that is called ΜΞΨ(after the first letters of our names), which is called that thanks to me! I just thought it'd be fun to name it like a frat since we've been learning greek and also hopefully dominate! JG and Maynard are great guys and I'm excited to work with them as ΜΞΨ but I also am keeping in mind ΜΞ(me lol) in the game for when we do have to go to tribal! Mu Xi Psi out!

Dylan R

For the first tribal, I'm obviously worried. As for targets, I'm not sure there are any at this moment. I guess I'm voting based on tribal performances, but I would be open to other people's suggestions. I would consider myself closest to Matt, Dylan C and Mitch so those three are who I would want to vote with. 

Stephen

I found half a “special idol” in the mangroves! While I am happy and I will still search for the other half I do have to decide if I want to tell anyone. In a previous season I told one person and they betrayed me (thanks tim) but in the end that led the person who had other half to reach out to me. However I can’t expect the same thing to happen this game, every games a new game. So I think I’m gonna keep it to myself, if somebody else tells me or is revealed to have the other half I might tell them, but for now I’m just gonna search for the other half and be content that no one can use the whole thing against me.

Zach

We won the first challenge!!!! I was expecting it to be a lot closer tbh. But I have an alliance of 3 that I’m fairly confident in! I wouldn’t say I completely trust them yet though. Both of them have played before and so it’s scary to think that they might just be playing me. I guess time will tell. I’m also curious to see what other alliances will show themselves when we finally start talking and going to trial. Also a little worried that I might be playing to hard out of the gate. We’ll see and I’ll probably get used to playing as time goes on.

JG

My mom (Jay) has officially cancelled me y'all. My tribe freaking won by over 13 to almost 2k. Holy crap. Like did the vets on the other side never play this comp before? Like with maybe a little work and patience, you could get easily 1500XP without really grinding maybe more. I am honestly perfectly o.k. with these results I wanted us to win badly because of having to go to work tonight, I did not want to bother with the stress of that. Plus, the night before my work had an emergency so I am definitely not in a place ready to emotionally invest and make a move in the game. ΜΞΨ is an alliance that formed between Maynor, Cal, and myself. The alliance names from the first letter of our names in Greek to kinda make a frat/sor name. Maynor approached me wanting to make  a final 2 and go really far. I am down with this for now of course, this game is constantly changing and moving. He asked me if we wanted to make a threesome to help our odds and asked me for suggestions. I suggested Cal because I knew I wasn't in any other alliances with him yet and this will allow me to keep an eye on him making sure he doesn't get close to Timmy or Stephen. Before I went off for the night Stephen and I officially talked about how the vets probably should create an official thing because it wouldn't hurt for us to work at least together in the early stages of the game. We decided that it should be discussed and formed today. Once that happens your boy is literally in an alliance with everyone besides Brittany and she actually did really well in the challenge. This scares me that she is either close to others or just someone I am not gonna be able to connect with. I heard from others that people are forgetting she's here, at the least she is a competitor. Either this is gonna blow up in my face or gonna allow me to position myself really well going into merge. Mama mia, my tribe isn't going tribal but I feel I made some of the biggest moves. Time will tell, I guess 

Zabbey

SO A lot has happened since I last confessed!!!! I am now in a baby alliance with JG and Zach which is wholesome. Zach is super hype and its v endearing and im a stan. JG also said him and Stephen have talked about a vet alliance which would be the easier way to go but I don't really want to. I don't want to play this game based off of outside relationships, I'm not necessarily going to align with Cam and Dylan is we make it onto the same tribe. In more impotant news ya bITCH FOUND THE IDOL! My literal third search! Timmy told me that he was looking in the hotel rooms so I was gonna do that but then Jay said roof and I was like why not and my witch ass gave that offering and got me a sexy idol! I don't plan on telling anyone about it unless I absolutely have to! 

Blake

I'm realizing now that im probably going to be seen as invisible the whole time bthrfnm dont know if thats good or bad LOL. But I finally have an alliance and its with people that I actually enjoy talking too :) Me, Cameron and Dylan C formed a group called Bicons (Bi Icons LMAO) and they seem to be really loyal. I have no idea what im doing but i hope people find me funny and want to keep me hfuiejf. (I HAVE NO IDEA WHO IM GONNA VOTE OFF)

Maddie

I came into this game after 2 nights had already gone by. I am really scared that I will be voted out tonight because I would be the easy since not very many people know me.  

Dylan R

The first tribal is the most important tribal, at least from a game perspective. That’s why I’m taking a gamble and trying to target after Blake. We need people who will win challenges, and after his score of 15 I’m not sure if he’s best suited. I need 4 votes to tie. I believe I’ll have Alex & Maddie, so right now I’m focusing on the fourth vote. Dylan C seems wary about this vote, so I’m trying to convince her now. I told her that “other people have mentioned Blake” when really it’s just me lol. I don’t wanna tell anyone else, simply because I don’t want people thinking I’m playing too hard, so I’m hoping the votes will tie or the votes will be spread. I’m taking a bit of a gamble because this could put a target on my back, but I do love gambles so I can’t resist. This will probably come back to bite me, but it is redemption island so I guess that’s always a fallback.

Cal

Missed a lot of discussion about past games because I was meeting up with someone impromptu. It's daunting but also exciting to face the experience of some of my tribe mates. It's the feeling of a glorious revolution of the new players against the old! I aim to learn as well, but also have really enjoyed speaking with my tribe but fear people are getting wind of the ΜΞΨ alliance since me, JG, and Maynor are speaking a lot. I gotta figure out my mist! Mu Xi Psi out!

Stephen

The tribe chat: Jay is about to get represented by an agent!!!!! ajdnfkksxjsnxxcz

Cal in my PMs: I just got laid

............okay cal. I guess he ws just being friendly? But things like that are sort of a hot topic for me, but I don’t think thats something he needs to know. And its probably not something to get into in confessionals. Maybe if we become besties we can have a dnm about it later.

Dylan C

https://youtu.be/8oaTFmpiv0I

Dylan R

The first tribal is the most important tribal, at least from a game perspective. That’s why I’m taking a gamble and trying to target after Blake. We need people who will win challenges, and after his score of 15 I’m not sure if he’s best suited. I need 4 votes to tie. I believe I’ll have Alex & Maddie, so right now I’m focusing on the fourth vote. Dylan C seems wary about this vote, so I’m trying to convince her now. I told her that “other people have mentioned Blake” when really it’s just me lol. I don’t wanna tell anyone else, simply because I don’t want people thinking I’m playing too hard, so I’m hoping the votes will tie or the votes will be spread. I’m taking a bit of a gamble because this could put a target on my back, but I do love gambles so I can’t resist. This will probably come back to bite me, but it is redemption island so I guess that’s always a fallback. 

Dylan R

Ok so like. Convincing people is hard lol. New tactic: I told Alex that people are targeting him in hopes that it’ll ignite him enough to save himself. I want Alex as an ally, but if he can’t save himself then I don’t want him as an ally

Brittany

so i'm late to making this confession but we won the first challenge and i'm still so?? happy about it?? and by a lot too, and there i was panicking and speeding through duolingo lmao. hopefully this is a sign and we stay doing this well lol

J.G.

Yeet,one last confessional before the round is over. I am honestly really anxious to see what happens at this tribal whether a vet or noob will go. While I do not think that this will be a prevalent theme in decision making, it something I am keeping in the back of my mind. I don't want people to be able use that against me to vote me out. That's why I will feel really inclined to stick with the vets if a vet is voted out tonight over a noob. Who knows what that tribe will do they have several options.

Finally, officially the vets (Abbey, Timmy, and Stephen as well as myself) finally came together to form an official alliance called The Nursing Home. I am really keeping an eye on Timmy and Stephen, they give me some minor sketch vibes but it could just be me over analyzing.

Well, 1 week down, several more to go. 

Dylan C

I’m getting a concerning amount of radio silence form some cast members. Is it because they’re inactive or ignoring me?? Lmao mattI'm so excited to be on Kalokairi! This has been a lifelong dream. Who wouldn't want to live on a gorgeous Greek island, where every piece of drama or sadness is resolved by breaking out into 70s Disco Pop and choreographing elaborate dance routines featuring wacky props like scuba fins? And to be able to play the game of Survivor while doing it? Wild!

My tribe is literally so wholesome. The other "veterans" are all so fantastic, and the newbies are so pure and fun and I love talking to them. The only person I haven't gotten to speak one on one to is Alex, and it seems like that's the case for the rest of the tribe. After getting THWUMPED in that immunity challenge, it's nice that we can all come together in a cohesive vote to hopefully power through in the future.

I found a leather necklace at the market, but it doesn't actually do anything until I combine it with another part. I'm not sure if my best strategy is to keep it hidden or let everyone know I have it in case they're also looking for it, but I think I'm going to keep it to myself while I search a bit more.

I'd really like to work with Cameron long term, and I have a crush on Dylan R okay that is all goodnight.

Cam

so i've been wrestling with the decision on whether or not to tell Dylan C about the idol. 

I still haven't told him. Day 3! Nobody knows but me. that's pretty cool. 

it's pretty quiet around the vote right now? everyone is still asleep i think, and morale is a little low following last night. 

-----

I didn't submit that before I left for work, rip

Cam, certified short term memory loss haver

Alex was unanimously eliminated.

[welldamnshawn]

Chapter 2: Why did you come here?// Shawn Mendes

Prologue: https://welldamnshawn.tumblr.com/post/165826891058/6-minutes-left-prologue-shawn-mendes

Chapter 1: https://welldamnshawn.tumblr.com/post/165861136790/chapter-1-youre-going-to-wish-wed-never-been

Author’s note: Guess who’s back!! ME IM BACK AND IVE GOT TWO UPDATES FOR YOU

Recap: “You’re going to wish we’d never been matched.” he purrs in my ear and I fight against him, trying to free myself. “I already do.” I rasp, watching as amusement flickers across his eyes.He raises his hand, shoving my head back against the wall hard. It all went dark.

It was a week before the lump on the back of my head finally went down. A week since Dime College had been broken into by the libertas. A week since I’d met my soulmate with his parting words being he’d come back for me.

The school had repaired all damages made by the rebellion and not a single student had talked about the events that had occurred that afternoon. Instead we had kept our mouths shut, and allowed the 5 Government Officials that had been sent down to calm the rumors that were sure to be leaked.

I sat in that assembly, listening to the man with the clean grey suit tell us how the situation was under control and this was purely a fluke attack. I believed his lies for it was better than what the truth had to offer. The truth being that times were changing and the rebellion’s numbers were growing. People didn’t want to be controlled anymore.

Ever since I woke up in sick bay with a pounding headache I had pushed my soulmate out of my mind, ignoring how the skin on my forearm no longer contained a number indicating my future. My normal routine continued like nothing had ever happened.

It was Friday night, end of the school week, and I had cooped myself up in my room. It was the only bedroom on the ground floor, my parents and older sister’s rooms located on the second and third floors. 

Our house was on the east side of town where all the respectable families lived. My parents both worked in the lab, my mother was one of the many who scanned the pregnant women for the characteristics of the fetus while my dad’s job was imprinting the timer’s on the babies arms. 

Their jobs had earned themselves a high place in our social hierarchy, therefore we gained a spacious 3 story house in a safe neighborhood. Though I suppose it wasn’t safe enough.

A figure was on my patio, the large french doors shut and covered by a thin blind yet the shape of person was still visible. I was too engrossed with my laptop to notice, my head phones in and a soft beat filling my ears. Not once did I look up, or in that direction. 

That was mistake number one.

Mistake number two was getting up to go to the kitchen and returning to see my soulmate sitting on my bed, flicking through a novel I had on my bedside table.

I scream, my glass of water crashing to the floor, smashing into pieces. Of course there was no one here to hear me, my parents still at work and my sister out at her boyfriend’s.

“You should really lock your doors, someone dangerous could get in.” He smirks at me, this time the mask that once covered his face is no where to be seen.

He was gorgeous. His dark brown hair flowed back in waves where he had pushed it off his forehead and his sharp jawline made me loose my current train of thought.

“Someone like you, I suppose.” I mutter, backing out of the doorway, careful not to cut my sock clad feet. I grab the broom resting against the wall in the hallway leading to the kitchen and return to my room, sweeping the glass to the side for me to pick up later.

“You really need to be more careful.” he says blandly, almost like he was bored.

“I’m sorry that having a stranger in my room scared me.” I hiss at him, leaning the broom against my dresser and walking over to him. I rip the book out of his grip, scolding him with a “don’t touch my stuff.”

He simply lets out a chuckle, leaning back onto my bed and staring at the ceiling. “So this is where my soulmate lives.” 

“Why did you come here?” I don’t bother with the small talk.

“I told you I would come back for you, didn’t I?” he peers at me through his eyelashes, the lamp on my bedside table casting a soft glow on his features. It almost made him seem angelic although I knew he was anything but.

“Yeah, a week ago.” I glare at him, crossing my arms over my chest and the action draws his gaze lower and I swallow, uncomfortable with the intensity of it. 

“I’ve been busy.” Is all he says. I don’t prod at him for anymore information. Instead I point to the door.

“You’ve seen me, you can go.”

“But don’t you want to get to know me, If we’re going to be spending the rest of our lives together I should at least know my soulmates name.” He throws my words back at me and I scowl.

“You know where I live so I assume you can find out my name.” I tap my foot impatiently.

“You have quite the attitude on you, don’t you princess?” he still doesn’t move and I give up, curling up on the small velvet sofa across from the bed.

“I get it from my mother.” I give him a fake smile, to which he returns.

“I bet you do.” He hums, tapping his fingers on his stomach.

“Listen, is there a reason you’re here? I really have to get back to my homework.” I snap at him, his presence irritating me. Or at least that’s what I try convincing myself as he was my match and physically, he was everything I was hoping for, not that I would ever tell him that. 

“I just want to see what imbecile they chose for my match.” he grins and I roll my eyes.

“I’m not an imbecile and once again, you’ve seen who they picked for you, so leave now please.”

“When I’m ready.” Is his response. A knock on the door has me jumping out of my seat.

“Hun, we’re back from work, have you eaten dinner yet? I know you get caught up in your TV shows.” My mother’s voice is heard and my eyes widen, rushing to stop the door handle from turning.

“Homework my ass.” I hear my match snort and I send him a glare while he lays on the bed still.

“Can I come in?” She twists the handle and I push my weight against the door and the handle stops turning.

“Mum don’t come in yet, I’m uh.. I’m naked.” I groan, that was the worst possible thing to say, judging by the way my soulmate was smirking at me and wiggling his eyebrows.

“Oh, okay well your Dad and I are heating up some leftovers. Come out when you’re ready.” I hear her footsteps retreat and I visibly relax.

“Get out.” I say to him, opening the doors to the patio.

He wander’s over to me, brushing my shoulder as he steps through the door. Before he leaves he turns back, catching my eye.

“I’ll see you next time.” He grins at me while I stare indifferently at him. “Y/n.”

I slammed the door. There was no way in hell that the arrogant man who was just in my room was my soulmate. Not unless someone stuffed something up.

[goldenscript]

SFJHFHS..... YOU JST MADE ME SOFT. YOURE SO CUTE. SO IM ABOUT TO POUR OUT MY LOVE FOR U RIGHT HERE. SO MISS EM. MY HEART N MY SOUL. YOU'RE REALLY SO FUKIN CUTE N SWEET AND SO SO TALENTED UR WRITINGS, LIFECHANGING!!! MISS PROVE IT. WENT AHEAD AND RLY CHANGED MY LIFE ..NOT JST A KIHYUN FIC THE KIHYUN FIC! N MADE ME WANT TO WRITE. AND LIKE IVE FOLLOWED U A LONG TIME AGO EVEN BEFORE I OFFICIALLY SWITCHED TO BEING A MBB. THE THING IS. LIKE I BABBLE TO MY FRIENDS ABOUT U A LOT WTF N THEY KNOW U (1/?)

I’M LIKE….. THIS IS AN EM HOUSE IN THIS HOUSE WE ONLY LOVE EM….. AND I CALL YOU MY ULT FSHJFHS IM LIKE WHO IS MR KIHYUN… (SUPPOSED TO BE MY ETERNAL LOVE)…. I RLY DONT KNOW HIM I ONLY KNOW THIS ADORABLE GIRL RIGHT HERE THE SUPREME…N MY FRIENDS  R LIKE. U IDIOT JST DROP HER A MESSAGE SHE’S VERY BRIGHT N WELCOMING AND IM LIKE. GOD I WISH… MISS EM I AM A LITERAL GREMLIN FROM THE PITS OF HELL I COULD NEVER…i, a mere demon, the only thing lifting me up being my love For U and ur works             

I WONT PUT A NUMBER ANYMORE BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHEN THIS WILL END…BUT IT’S LIKE… FSJHF. I LITERALLY… SAY THE WORST THINGS EVER LIKE ALL THE TIME…..AND USUALLY I HAVE NO FEAR N IM JUST. HERE BEING MYSELF. BEING A DUMB BITCH. BT LIKE IM INTIMIDATED BC I ADMIRE U SO MUCH YOU RLLY ARE AN ANGEL I JST… DONT KNOW WHA T TO DO WITH MYSELF ALL THIS TIME IVE JST BEEN SITTING AROUND LIKE BEHIND A FLOWER REACHING DESPERATELY TRYING TO GRAB AN OPPORTUNITY TO POUR MY LOVE FOR U ….             

BUT TODAY I JUST HAD THIS RANDOM THOUGHT LIKE. HEY. I GOTTA DO IT NOW I WAS OVERWHELMED BY LOVE AND I SAID NO MORE…. IT IS NO MORE THAT I HIDE….. THAT I SUFFER IN SILENCE AND DARKNESS…. AND NOW IM OUT. OUT ON ANON CAUSE IM STILL SO SHY HJFHSF  MY FRIENDS WLD LAUGH AT ME SO MUCH KNOWING THE SHIT I SAY MEANWHILE IM A FOOL WHO WRITES U LOVE ESSAYS ON ANON INSTEAD OF TALKING TO U BUT YES…. I LOVE U OK YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS ONLY !!!!!!!      

I am in awe!!!!!!!!!!!!! you are most certainly not a gremlin!!!! how can you say that when you literally just wrote me the sweetest love letter ever??????? you are an angel! a sweetheart! you’re making my heart swell and brim to the top with love and feeling and wow I’m so touched! honestly, it makes me so happy that you decided to message me like where the heck have you been angel?! also, if you sent more than I’m sorry that tumblr’s the real bitch here!!! ‘cuz you aren’t that either! I’m just reeling because you really liked prove it! & that you tell your friends about me!!! like pls!!!!!! I am an angel (aka you) stan now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[zoenightstars]

pjo musical: the rundown

so i went to see the lightning thief with @angelicomma yesterday and um. oKAY GUYS GALS AND NONBINARY PALS LEMME TELL U ABOUT THIS MOTHER!FUCKIN! SHOW!!!! because it was SO GOOD this is just like. the short list of what i loved about it because oh my god 

prepare for the longest post ever 

the set was such an aesthetic? it was all very metallic like there was scaffolding and greek columns with graffiti on them? it was very chb and very nyc and overall a Blessing 

every time they needed to show a different location they’d do it with the lights so like there were these lights lining the scaffolding that would change color ?? in the underworld they’d flash red, yellow and orange and were made to look like fire and near the ocean theyd be blue and if they were talking about trees itd be green and! if they wanted u to focus on a certain part of the scaffolding it’d be a different light color than any of the other parts which was rad af

the overhead lights were used really well too like when percy was singing about being the son of poseidon or when there was water the lights would be blue and when they were in the forest theyd be green

there is an entire song about how they hate new jersey and how they refuse to die in the garden state. know this

the show was very low budget like oh my god it was great

they didnt make some of their own props so sally walked in once with a trader joe’s bag and also the most important bag in the world (containing the master bolt) was a fucking jansport 

their representation of water was just to attach toilet paper rolls to leaf blowers and turn the overhead lights blue like what even

they covered the first 4 rows in toilet paper at one point 

also they fuckin deca-casted everyone except for percy (chris mccarrell, the light of my life actually he was so good) 

jonathan raviv played chiron, auntie em, random chb girl in a bike helmet and braids (?), random tractor guy (?), a bus driver, a train conductor, hades, and poseidon and im probably missing someone. he had very distinctive characters for all of them not to mention horse puns 

“the gods are kind of dicks”

medusa’s eyes were just light up swim goggles

sarah beth pfeifer, who probably has the best comic timing ive seen ever, played clarisse, katie gardner, a fucking squirrel?, mrs. dodds, lotus casino girl, random camper assistant to mr. d, and thalia 

*chases annabeth down a flight of stairs with a sword while screaming* 

“for their sixteenth birthdays my friends all got cars. I got a fern and a mason jar!” 

“ARROWS ARE MADE WITH WOOD. I REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE IN AN ACTIVITY THAT CONDONES VIOLENCE AGAINST OUR ARBOR BRETHREN!”

they had the most roles and they were GREAT 

george salazar was such a wonderful grover and mr d oh man 

mr d’s whole gag was he’d kick a chair when he got pissed which was hysterical bc the camper assistant would start pouting every time and he also wanted to turn percy into a dolphin 

“grover, are you ever going to wear pants again?” “NOPE!” 

his solo song was about thalia and how he couldnt save her talk about EMOTIONAL he cried

dam jokes

“we might have more drachmas if you didnt spend them on those DAM SNACKS” “HEY! IT WAS THE HOOVER DAM” 

let me talk about. carrie compere for like multiple hot seconds bc GODDAMN GIRL CAN SANG 

she was such a good sally. can she be my mom. she sang a song abt percy being special and wonderful and i got a lil teary 

“you saved my life, percy. It’s time i learned how to live it.” cryin g 

her silena was really funny? like very whiny but very funny.

 “every time i bring a boy home, my mom’s there in her nightie [...] she steals my mascara and all my dates!” 

she also played sort of charon? underworld guide in this awesome gold dress (she looked SO GOOD) who smacked grover’s goat ass (?????) 

“you know, bringing people to the underworld isn’t my only job. I also have a band. wanna hear a demo?” “not really?” “sorry, i can’t hear you over this SWEET ASS RIFF” 

“We got everyone! we got kurt kobain, we got beethoven. any requests?” “um, do you have josh groban?” “we will.” 

JAMES! HAYDEN ! RODRIGUEZ! was sO GOOD AS LUKE

THERE WAS A GOOD KID REPRISE AND I WAS SHOOKEN 

“being a good kid gets you nowhere at all” bruh 

they couldn’t have a scorpion onstage so luke just. fucking stabs percy in the back??? 

He was also a really funny ares and gabe!! 

ok and my gal KRISTIN STOKES 

fun fact abt me and kristin stokes ..... so we were walking in the same direction after stage door and so me and @angelicomma just walked with her....to the train.... she gave us dessert recs...... and talked about the show (she’s so salty about how rangey her big solo is but trust me she was so good on that song) and also waitress with us.... it was the best experience of all time she is so nice and cool and was wearing jurassic park leggings how rad is she oh my god

her annabeth? was awesome? she was witty and tough and aggressive and i was ABOUT IT 

she called out sexism all the damn time 

“annabeth, i get it. do you know how many schools i’ve been kicked out of?” “yeah, percy, but when boys mess up they get a second chance.” 

“hey, annabeth, who’s your dad?” “he’s a history professor.” “i thought everyone’s dad was-” “a god? that’s my mom. sexist.” 

longest yeah boi ever 

the moment where she betrayed luke at the end??? YES GIRL

chris mccarrell was such a perfect percy i am elated 

“Tartarus? LIKE THE FISH SAUCE???!!!?!?!” 

*swings riptide like a lightsaber while making lightsaber noises* 

*packages medusa’s head* “To Mount Olympus. Signed, Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase.” “the gods will think we’re impertinent!” “*winning smile* we are impertinent.” 

*pouts* “i know how to hold a sword! like this!” annabeth corrects him and he swings it “oh wow actually that’s a lot easier” 

in good kid he was like? running around the stage and climbing the scaffolding and shit? and i cried??? the no mom line was the WORST i wanted to actually scream and his voice is so pretty 

and he was so shook by his own powers oh man 

he was just. so good at the twelve year old thing it was fantastic he was all fidgety and Dramatic (tm) god bless

he loves sally so much!!! all the demigods were salty af abt their parents and he was just quietly singing like “my mom loves hugs and scary movies” and i just. screamed quietly

there were rlly cute percabeth moments too. 

 percy’s knocked tf out the first time annabeth meets him (she infiltrates his dream a lil) and he sings a lil song abt how she’s beautiful and stuff and he wakes up and she’s all “YOU DROOL IN YOUR SLEEP” shook 

she shows up at capture the flag (percy hasnt officially met her yet) and he points at her and was just “gasps YOURE MY DREAM GIRL!” and annabeth side-eyes him hardcore and he goes “UM. THE GIRL. FROM MY DREAM.” 

“the god is my mom. sexist.” “NO NO I LOVE GIRLS!” annabeth is shook yet again and percy panics and is like “I MEAN UM THEYRE VERY NICE” 

percy gets serious side eye from luke

it’s great  

when percy gets stabbed they almost kiss and then grover RUNS ONSTAGE “HEY! here’s your ambrosia percy” goddamn it was DRAMATIC

im definitely missing shit but oh boy it was so so good

i’d kill a man for that soundtrack  

if you have the chance (and the money) it’s just. such an Experience and everything i could have ever dreamed of. the cast is great (and theyre all so freakin NICE s/o to kristin especially). 

i’d highly recommend it!!! A+ 1000/10

[enstarsrequests-blog]

I just realized that you don't have too many HC requests! NEVER FEAR I (that 18 yr old Anon) AM HERE FOR YOU!! So, what do you think about Knights+Fine reacting to an s/o who transferred from an Idol Girl school? Like, she was an idol but she decided producing was more her thing (but she's Quite™ a popular idol too).

Ahhh thank you! I admit I don’t get as many headcanon requests as I do other things. I do have a few in my inbox though, but not many up because of my…. very slow pace…. im sorry….

I NEARLY HAD A HEART ATTACK!! IVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR A WHILE, AND WHEN I WENT TO COPY IT, I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE WHOLE THING ,,, luckily i learned how to undo…. that doesn’t really matter to the request, but there’s a little story for you i guess ?

AH I didn’t realize until after I finished, but I made the pronouns gender neutral out of habit… It’s too late to fix now, so I hope you won’t mind? I’m sorry aaaa !! I hope you still enjoy these ;;;

Leo:

They’re constantly having to remind him about their past as an idol whenever he seems confused. He seems to always forget; but the moment he’s reminded, Leo is the proudest boy in the world! He’ll watch old videos of you, and usually uses it for inspiration. He likes to play dress up with you, too, asking you to wear various idol outfits. Pretty much anything that pops into his head! He’s unpredictable.

His s/o can sing? That’s it, he’s sold. He already gets most of his inspiration from them, but now he can compose songs that they could possibly sing? He’s!! So Excited!!

Leo specializes in improv dance, mostly because he has trouble remembering set choreography. Since that’s the case, he takes advantage of his s/o’s past as an idol. They end up having to teach him his own choreography over and over; usually with him running into them on accident, or start improving his own dance.

Sena:

They had already managed to make him fall for them, since they were already a couple; but once he was told about their old career, he felt… lots of emotions. Why didn’t they tell him before? He mostly seemed annoyed with them. But really, he was ready to die over how cute and amazing they are. Plus, he felt a new, strange connection with them. As he transferred out of modeling, he understood how they probably feel.

His love turned into almost an obsession, in a way. His room transformed to almost look like a shrine for them, covered in posters and pictures of them on stage. But he hangs the most recent pictures, of them as a producer, near his desk. He’s incredibly proud of them; not only for who they were, but who they are.

When he learned how popular they were, and still are, he got even more protective of them. If that was possible. He feels a need to accompany them whenever they go out.

Arashi:

Arashi knew that they used to be an idol without having to tell him- he recognized them when the two first met. Though he brushed it off at first, he eventually realized his suspicions were correct. So when they told him about their past as an idol, he wasn’t surprised.

He constantly worries about them- if something had prompted them to quit their work as an idol, wouldn’t being a producer bring back bad memories? How could a big sis not worry? Even if he’s assured that they enjoy work as a producer, he can’t help but be a little worried.

One of his favorite things to do is watching their old music videos. He always comments about how cute their outfit is, or how pleasant their voice is, or how well they perform the choreography.

If given permission, Arashi loves singing with them! Their voice is just as lovely as it used to be, and he loves getting to perform duets. Even if it’s only them two that can hear.

Ritsu:

Ritsu is pretty indifferent to it. He didn’t give them much a reaction when they first mentioned it. After all, what they used to do doesn’t really matter, as long as they’re happy now, right? Though he was a little curious about it. He ended up watching a few videos, and was pretty shocked by their talent and popularity. He saw how much your fans adored them- causing him to get insanely jealous. The way they smiled at the crowd, and sang for their fans. He’s honestly glad they quit being an idol. Now he can have them all to himself!

Occasionally, he’ll ask them to sing lullabies. Though he doesn’t particularly need it to sleep, he loves having an excuse to hear them sing. Especially while knowing the fact that their song is for him, and him alone.

For some reason, he felt even more intent on keeping them away from Rei. That brother of his used to be a fan. Ritsu makes sure to never let the two encounter. But when they’re not with him, Ritsu loves rubbing it in his face.

Suou:

When they first told him, he was in shock. They were an idol? that idol? He suddenly felt undeserving of them. He admitted to being a huge fan. And also feels pretty dumb for not noticing the resemblance.

After he gets over his embarrassment, and manages to accept, yes, this is his favorite idol, he constantly asks for lessons from them. He strives to become an idol worthy of being with them! Despite them constantly telling him he doesn’t need to earn his title of their boyfriend.

He digs up all his old videos and merch that he had collected during their popular years, rewatching all the videos, and displaying all the items in his room.

Suou would tell everyone, and I mean everyone, that he’s dating the famous idol! He loves to tell others about their skills, and the fact that they are in a relationship with him. That’s his favorite part- the fact that he gets to keep them all to himself.

Eichi:

Having a family that’s very big in entertainment, Eichi knew them before they even really knew each other. They probably saw him randomly around, too. But neither of the two really recognized each other. When they officially met, it was as idols. So he was surprised when they quit their work, and is always asking them questions about it.

He’s always glad to have such an experienced and knowledgeable person as a producer. It’s nice for him to know that he can rely on them. He always lets them know that he counts on them.

He loves to tease them over it; especially over suggestive themes. Whether it be the song, their outfit, or the dance, he’ll poke fun at them. But, to know about any of those, he had to have watched the videos with those… and how many loops of watching would it take to remember the exact lyrics and choreography?

Wataru:

This boy is always spontaneous and unpredictable, and it got even more… dangerous, I’ll say, once he was notified of their past fame. He’s always planning random things, usually without thelling them. It ranges from performing a magic trick on stage, during a live, and make them appear, to putting on unannounced concerts during breaks. He even enjoys dressing them up, as he does to Tomoya. (Tomoya shares a mutual understanding  with them.)

As much as he flaunts their talent, he makes sure that they’re well aware that they need to be a capable producer still. Changing careers means changing careers- just because they were a popular idol doesn’t automatically make them an amazing producer! He’s always pushing them to work harder as a producer.

Of course he’s proud, though! But he’s mostly proud of how determined they are now, as a producer, compared to what they did before.

Tori:

Tori was also one of their fans! He’s always complaining to them- why did they quit? How dare they! He loved their singing! His fits usually end up with him sitting on their lap as they sing to him. He’ll get over it eventually. But that doesn’t mean they’ll get to stop singing for him.

He never shuts up about them. Literally every conversation he ever has with anyone, he manages to pop in a few (or more than a few) comments about how he’s dating one of the most popular idols around. Though some people are hapoy that he’s not bragging about himself as much, it got old quick. At least he’s talking about how amazing someone else is this time?

As much as he whines about practicing with Fine, when they’re overseeing the practice, suddenly he’s all fired up. He’ll always call out to them, make sure they’re watching. He gets pretty nervous at times, especially during lives. He reeeaaally wants to impress you…

Yuzuru:

He felt a new sense of comfort when he was informed of their past career. Before, he was worried that they saw him as someone better than themself. So hearing that they used to be an idol as well put those feelings to rest. He loves it this way. He thinks it’s perfect, and always tells them that. He couldn’t ask for a better person as his s/o.

Learning of their work as an idol made him feel slightly stupid, though- how did he not realize? They had so many traits that are generally sought after in idols, and mandatory when working as one. He’s so, so proud of them, though he tends to keep that to himself. He could tell that being an idol built their personality, and he admires their qualities.

Yuzuru can be pretty nervous at times, regarding their popularity. One of his worst fears is to have some fan of theirs finding them out in the public. Who knows what could happen? Though he’ll admit that not all fans are bad; unless you two are trying to be alone. Then he hopes that nobody, even the harmless fans recognize you.

[survivor-guyana]

Episode 5 - "Another day, another swap." - Jess

Sarah was robbed.

Please tribe swap, please tribe swap.

Not really sure how to feel at this stage...

Jess absolutely botched this challenge for us, and it was probably the worst individual effort in a competition that I have seen in years. For that, she automatically created a target on her back.

HOWEVER, I need to control who goes here, and it won't be Jess. It sounds like Dani and Nick were on opposite sides of the joint tribal, and will likely target one another.

I would personally like to see Alyssa go sooner than later, but there is no context in taking her out right now. She is "Hosororo strong" apparently, but the tables have turned. I'm not sure if I am willing to give her the same mercy that the favs gave us.

Honestly I wouldn't mind losing this so Mitchell goes home but then again I wouldn't mind Arakaka going to tribal either. I also feel like Nick is fucked over at Takama. He has the idol but that'd require someone using it on him which I doubt would happen. He better up his social game! If Arakaka goes to tribal then it should obviously be Aidan bc of his advantage and bc of Jones, Sammy, and Chelsea/JD alliance. Wait is Chelsea a fan? Lol idk.

So Ive been talking to Maynor and TJ individually about having an alliance of us 3 since I put them both high on my list! They both agreed and so I formed the alliance called... JONES'S ANGELS! I feel like we're gonna be a good alliance as well. Oh José is on our tribe as well as Mitchell. José is someone that I talked to the least on our OG tribe and from the looks of the trust list, someone who is not very trusted. Mitchell has his karma coming from the joint tribal round and for voting out Sarah. (PSST Sarah I miss u queen I can't wait to see you in Survivor Michigan.)

Another day, another swap. I've officially been on EVERY single tribe now. I am Guyana's Orphan. Honestly, I'm actually okay with how we swapped this time around.

I'm in the majority both in several ways. 1. I'm in the majority if Devon and I decide to stick with the "Fans" (barf). 2. I'm in the majority if we decide to go to Hosororo Way (yassss bitch) 3. I'm in the majority if Favourites attempt something (meh).

BUT this bitch is literally her OWN ENEMY RIGHT NOW. I flopped that memory competition harder a nerd at Comic Con trying to talk to a female. YIKES. I hope the flu isn't what sends me home or else I'm going to FUCKING RAGE.

I was able to re-connect with Dani which was okay? for me? I guess? Honestly at this point I have no loyalty to the Fans tribe (I don't think I ever had any tbh). I don't think a label in front of someone's name should stop me from trying to further my game. That being SAID....

Nick is on A WHOLE NOTHER' LEVEL Y'ALL. This man literally knew me for 5 seconds and spilled his whole game. I expected more from a dude who owns a buff personally. The only thing he didn't tell me last night was his social insurance number. I kind of feel bad for him but I don't want to let him get far. I rather keep Dani around than him at this point. I don't want that to hurt my relationship with Alyssa so.. I AM STRESSING RIGHT NOW.

Speaking of Alyssa...

MY GIRL ALYSSA GETTING FIRST.. fucking SCARES ME SHITLESS. I would honestly consider her my #1 at this point but now this has me thinking.. am I really HER number 1? Does she have the same relationship with me like she has with others? If we merge does she have my back over people like Jones/JD who she speaks HIGHLY of to me? I have my doubts but I think having someone like her on my side in this crucial time is an ASSET. She is VULNERABLE and I need to make sure I make her feel as fucking comfortable as possible. It's times like these where those strong relationships form and I honestly think if we can possibly

That's my bitch, that's my girl. I honestly think Alyssa is my gate-way drug to the Favourites at this point. I also really just want to meet Jones because I'm convinced she's my future best friend.

Something I haven't touched on.... ever BUT I can't wait to possibly re-connect with TJ. I miss being able to strategize with him. The way he sees games is insane and I have a half of a brain cell so it's always nice to have a smart person do the thinking for you.

I NEED TO FIND A FUCKING ADVANTAGE OR A GOD DAMN IDOL.

I cant believe we won immunity. I was really scared that we would have to go to tribal. Me, TJ, and Tim made an alliance called Jones’s Angels and i cant wait to be reunited with Jones. Mitchell is acting like last vote wasnt against me but it was like. How can you say theres 100% trust when there isnt. The Jenna vote was not  as much of a suprise for Mitchell cuz i mentioned my worries about Jenna. Im being buddy buddy but if we lost next round. He is going home for sure. Once you brake my trust, you cant really get it back. Sorry mitchell buddy. And i have eyes on Aidan and Dani. Karma for Sarah is coming.

WOW! That's all I have to say right now. This game is really putting me through the ringer but I'm in it to win it and this fucking tribe swap threw me for a loop. I knew the trust lists would come into play but I didn't know right away. But I sort of made such a power move on my tribe and then got shuffled into this and I saw the numbers and went FUCK.

Like four favorites versus little old me! But I like a challenge... I'm not Sarah, I'm not going to let myself get swapfucked. *gives the camera a shady look*

Having the Opal Idol in my pocket is amazing and I'm glad I went for that temptation. Everyone knows I have it but honestly I think there's an advantage to standing out. I feel like this series is used to a lot of UTR, lowkey players and people lying low and that's just not my thing... I honestly can't lay low to save my life. So my plan is to go after them. Honestly since I was low on the trust list it makes sense to go after people high on the trust list. I'm honestly not that bitter but if I can use it to justify targeting some people, I'm going to do it.

I'm not sure of my tribe because everybody is meh so far? I don't know if I'm dry or they're just all in alliances but I can't get a read on them for shit. I saw how well they all did in their past games and JD is giving me this loner act but she's been to an FTC so I know she's not as dumb as she's letting on. For some reason the fact that there are more girls than guys concerns me because I feel like those bitches could link up?

I guess I like Chelsea the best but maybe that's because she seems a little more exciting. Sammy does too but he seems like a game threat. I think I'm reluctant to share anything with anyone because I'm not sure of their relationships with each other. I think I want Jonesy out though... she has this cutesy act that is relatable and did pretty well on her first season. She was high on the trustlist too.

In all... I feel isolated but not intimidated.

Nobody has asked about the temptation but I'm ready to lie about it being a vote steal like I told Dani and Mitchell. I need to start keeping my lies in order because they're going to be PISSED when I reveal what it really is but hopefully they understand... if I ever see them again. I'm worried about Dani AND Jess over there at Takama because Devon is crafty. They are some people I hope I can rekindle with at merge. I'd consider working with Maynor but he seems like the type to want revenge.

WE WINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN fuck yeah also i wanna elaborate on something i said in my last confessional about using Aidan as a shield bc idk if I ever explained that Aidan has proclaimed that his tribe did not trust him at all, AND he has an advantage, right? so obviously, people would want to vote him out because of it. HOWEVER, if I get him to trust me/on my side, not only can we work together, BUT everyone will always target him over myself, so yeah, logic ;)

Unfortunately we didn't lose and just as I feared Nick's tribe lost. Welp you had a good run Nick.

So this round has been messed up.  I was swapped to a tribe with 1 person I talked to breifly on our original tribe and had an alliance with to search for idols.  The other 3 players were all people I never spoke to.  Furthermore Dani even voted vote for a few tribals ago.  After a botched challenge I’m hoping that it’s going to be Dani tonight and not me.  I’ve spoken with Jess and Devon and get good vibes that they want to play together.  Let’s hope their not playing me.

So pretty much I’ve been able to establish a strong relationship with Maynor this game... now I just need a majoritu on this tribe to be able to cause some damage within the merge, so we’ll see how things go when I reach that phase 😤 I want to work with TJ tbh, but we’ll see how that goes I guess haha

Ugh I hope Jess and devon aren’t ducking with me but I think it’s me or nick. Really hoping it’s nick. Sorry for typos drubk

Ummmm, so what did i do? Nothing, what have I done? Nothing, I didnt do the challenge ether cus like, wow I do not have a shity memory. But we won so yay team!