#this is so sad i just want jaewon to be happy

[stuckinakillingjar]

jaewon can't even look at him. he's so obviously trying to shut jihyun out because he thinks that the accident of both jihyun and his brother were his fault. he thinks that by isolating himself he can avoid hurting jihyun.

jaewon's intentionally trying to hurt him by saying that the relationship meant nothing to him so that jihyun will give up on searching for contact

[thefiery-phoenix]

YANDERE JAE YEOL (JAY HONG) HEADCANONS

You were the new student at the Jaewon High school and the teacher asked you to introduce yourself to everyone in the class. A certain blonde haired guy with his bangs covering his eyes surveyed you with slight interest. He could feel slight warmth settling inside him as he looked at you and your features. Your smile was enchanting and captivating. You sat next to him and extended your hand out to him with a warm friendly smile on your face. He simply blushed slightly and turned away without shaking your hand. You could tell he wasn't trying to be rude, he was just shy. You got to know later on his name was Jay Hong and was given the nickname of being the prince of the fashion department

Apart from Daniel, you're the other person who could understand Jay. Whenever you'd ask him if he'd like to go out with you somewhere he'd nod with a slight smile. You've never heard him talk but it doesn't bother you too much since you could understand him. You make him feel so...warm and contended, you make him feel heard despite not talking out loud. He loves it when you smile, he always wants to see you smiling and being happy, he doesn't like seeing you sad or upset. The other day you got a lousy score on one of your tests and you were down in the dumps. Not even the incessant needling from Zack telling you to cheer up since it's a stupid test worked on you and you were pretty bummed out about it. After the lunch period was done, Jay strode over to your desk and handed you a bag and as you opened inside it and looked in it, you saw your favorite chocolates, goodies and treats along with a heartwarming little encouraging note from him. You thanked him and ended up giving him a hug and he felt like his heart would stop beating at the moment. He wanted to hold you in his arms forever and never let go of you

He'll fall for you real fast and real hard too. When he does, he catches obsessive feelings for you quite quickly too which will result in him getting rather sulky and pouty when you talk to other people, excluding Daniel. You had to work on an assignment with Zack once and the entire time, Jay sat right smack in between you both despite the complaints from Zack on how he had to deal with an annoying blonde the whole time. However Jay didn't give a damn. He'd rather shoot someone than have them steal you away from him. Just because he's quiet and shy and nice to YOU doesn't mean he has to be nice to the other annoying people who try to steal you away from him. It annoyed and frustrated him to no end when the teacher refused to let him be your partner even after asking him to change your partner so he could be with you. However he couldn't do anything about it since you actually liked the teacher and he knew you'd be sad if the teacher left and he doesn't want to see you sad

You can bet your allowance he will stalk the absolute daylights out of you and will always have your location one way or another. Say goodbye to your privacy since there'll always be someone or the other in the shadows to ensure your safety. He has FILES of your likes, dislikes and his assistant gives him an update of everything that happens in your life. He knows you better than you know yourself by now and he takes great pride in that and could probably write a freaking thesis about you and your personality. He has unfinished love letters that he wanted to give you but couldn't bring himself to do so because he didn't want to ruin your friendship with him. Poor guy would be devastated if you started ignore him, something in him will just break. Look, he can tolerate insults and anger and people hitting him but you ignoring him is much worse

Like I mentioned before, don't underestimate the way he fights just because he never really interacts or fights on common occasions, there's a reason you should always watch out for the quiet ones. He would never forgive someone trying to hurt you, he'd send them a one way ticket to the hospital with zero remorse and empathy. Have you seen the way he fights? His moves are fast and quick and it's all thanks to his training with the one and only Alexandra Sophia herself, learning a variety combination of mixed martial arts which he'll put to good use so he can protect you. If Logan ends up picking on you or making disgusting lecherous comments about you, he'll just walk over to him silently without even saying anything and just break his hand like it's nothing. Logan will have a natural hatred for blondes now thanks to him lol

Jay will get slightly pouty and jealous and sulky when you receive gifts from someone else. He'll quickly find a way to one up them because...he's Jay Hong after all. Oh, someone gave you a nice dress for your birthday? Well, here's 5 duffel bags full of the most fashionable clothes that are trending these days. Someone gifted you a new gadget? You'll have plenty more from him. He'll just walk up to you with a smile on his face and set the bags down for you. Of course, he finds it rather endearing and cute when you end up getting flustered and embarrassed like this and will not accept a no from you. You're going to accept his gifts and tokens of love for you and no, you don't get to have a say in this

Like the others he doesn't want you getting involved in gang stuff. The last thing he needs is for you to get targeted by some gang member but he's not really worried though even if that happens because he'll probably just murder them and find a way to cover up the body. Hey, when it comes to you, he's willing to do anything to make sure you're safe. What's a few dead bodies and gang members going to do anyway? He insists on dropping you off home on his bike and this is something you don't get to have a say on either. He'll just silently stand there and put his helmet on your head and gesture for you to get on his bike. He'd rather not take any chances when you're walking down the streets. He gets quite flustered when your arms are wrapped around his torso though, he'll be a blushing mess under his helmet and will be smiling smiling to himself, basking in the warmth and your soft gentle touch

He's not someone to play mind games with you or gas light you, he's too pure for that. He doesn't want to hurt you. However if your safety is being threatened, he won't hesitate to snatch you up from your life faster than you can even blink. You'll find yourself in a well furnished room on a soft large bed as you wake up. You'll of course, be quite confused as to what's happening and Jay will silently come into the room with a tray of your favorite things and set it down on the table beside the bed for you. When you ask him whether you can leave, he'll simply shake his head and refuse to let you go. You might not be bound by ropes or chains to the bed but that doesn't mean you'll be able to escape either. His loyal assistant is always there to observe you and snitch on you the moment you try anything funny

The security systems and the locks will be quite advanced and you won't be able to leave. By mistake even if you end up leaving, he'll just bring you back. He'll look at you with a slightly hurt look on his face and is sad that you tried to leave him but he understands why you'd leave him, you probably feel trapped and he gets your feeling. Which is why he'll take you out for private little outings to places he knows you'll enjoy. Just don't leave his hand, he needs to prevent you from running away again. However when it comes to someone stealing you from him...he won't have any mercy or remorse for them. They'll either get blacklisted from a company or their social status would be ruined or something. He'd do it secretly of course, without you ever finding out about it since he doesn't want you thinking that he's some sort of monster

He'll be quite hurt and devastated when you initially try to withhold yourself from eating anything and refusing to eat food. He'll look at you with the expression of a kicked puppy and a small tear will roll down his eye as he silently pleads and cajoles you to eat. He doesn't want anything happening your health, he loves you too much for that. Would you like for him to feed you because he's ready for that too. Just please eat something

He'd be flustered whenever you hug him or show him even the slightest of affection but he still loves it nonetheless. He loves it when you run your fingers through his hair, he'll let out a soft hum and look at you with a soft smile, like he has the world in front of his eyes. He'd like to touch your hair too and caress your cheek lovingly if you'd permit him too of course. He wouldn't do anything you're uncomfortable with since he's quite the gentleman. He likes holding your hand too and entwining and wrapping his fingers in yours as he kisses the back of your hand ever so gently. Overall, as a yandere, he'd be a nice one to have. Pretty chill and laid back who would ensure you're always by his side no matter what...

[negrowhat]

15 Day BL Challenge 2K24

FULL CHALLENGE HERE!

Day 14: Top 5 Sad Boys

Tae Myungha from Love for Love's Sake. Literally the most sad boy. So sad that he was sent to a videogame realm to try life again. So sad that it became an actual mission to make him happy. Myungha took care of everyone but wouldn't allow anyone to take care of him because he didn't feel like he was worth it. It took him almost literally being RIPPED from his new world to realize he wanted to be loved and saved and happy. He goes straight to the front of the "You Need a Hug" line.

Jung Woo from Choco Milk Shake. The most miserable boy. He was so sad and lonely that some unknown pet god decided to send him back his dead pets as humans because they were around when he was at his peak happiness. There was literally no one else around to make him happy, his young uncle was trying though. But to have some higher power send you back your pets must mean that you are the saddest of sad because no one loves a person quite like a pet does.

Uea from Bed Friend. Isolated sad boy, done dirty by damn near every single person in his entire life. He had every right to be as defensive and standoffish as he was, no one was protecting Uea so he had to protect himself. That poor man had trauma on top of trauma and IDK how he was functioning at such a high rate. He didn't deserve any of the turmoil he had been put through literally since childhood. I hope his birthgiver, her husband, his ex, and his boss are all rotting in jail cells with pretty matching ankle shackles and chains. Chain gang bitches.

Seo Jaewon from The Eighth Sense. A sad boy with the same type of sad I am. I know the pain and trauma of losing a brother. Especially one you felt responsible for. He had basically turned off his own feelings and allowed the people around him to mistreat him because he didn't even feel like it was worth fighting or dismissing. I don't know if he just didn't care or if he felt like he deserved all the bad people in his life for not protecting his brother. Happy One Year Anniversary to this series btw.

Yang Yan Feng from Love in Translation. A sad boy just out there looking for love and to have a successful business. Carrying the weight of a debt inherited by his parents while they hid out in China somewhere. He even pushed his crush off on another woman because he didn't want to get him involved. He yelled in that poor sunshine boy's face and lied because he didn't want him to get hurt. The boy just needed a hug and a helping hand.

Honorable mentions to Sky from Love in the Air, Choi Yeonwoo from Color Rush, and Sailom from Wedding Plan.

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

My weekly roundup CW 16

I try to write down my thoughts after watching stuff to create a little weekly ranking in relation to the previous week on my, most of the times, quiet sundays (and because I love lists and this is a good excuse for me to create a new OneNote journal!).

But first, my winner of the most hilarious subtitle of the week goes to:

→ 1. The Eighth Sense (ep 7+8)

Pain. Fuck man! The thing is, I can understand JaeWon so well. His pain that just made him numb. A person can only take so much pain before it powers down. One of the strangest and scariest feelings ever. And in a weird way, very comfortable in such situations. The body and mind trying to protect themselves. For JaeWon, the absolutely logical conclusion was to break off contact, to emotionally hurt JiHyun so that he would leave him alone, so that Jaewon's own heart wouldn't start bleeding again and again, even though it's been bleeding all along, only that he can't notice it himself anymore. But everyone can see it. And I hate EunJi for how she pretends to love him but just ignores how much he's suffering. That is not love, that is torture. And TaeHyung…the hate I feel for him is almost as much as the hate I have for EunJi. EunJi I can almost understand, but TaeHyung? He pretends to be JaeWon's friend and then can't forgive him for (deservedly) hitting him after making fun of JiHyun's accident. What the hell is wrong with him? Apparently he was just there to get rich off of JaeWon's background and was hoping for a good contact for future careers. Bright spot of the episode was JiHyun's friend who I just wanted to cuddle!

Absolute highlight of this week for me: The portrayal of light and dark of life and death. As many have already written about it, JiHyun came out of his near death experience with more confidence and courage, he is just bursting with life, while JaeWon died for him inside after the accident. How can he live happily or live at all when he is dragging everyone around him into the abyss. JaeWon is darkness, sadness, depression while JiHyun is the exact opposite and I hope JaeWon will reach out to him next week and let some light back into his life.

↑ 2. Our Dining Table (ep 3)

I just love it. This series is so calm and pleasant. It is the calming point of my week. Yutaka is such a precious and sweet person and I can totally understand Minoru falling in love with him. The idea of the zoo in the apartment! I was so ecstatic! And how Yutaka indirectly confesses that he likes Minoru too, but Minoru misunderstands and thinks Yutaka meant Tane with that statement. And Yutaka's luchbox looks just mega delicious! I'm always hungry when I watch the series 😅 Would love to make myself a rice ball now!

↑ 3. A Boss And A Babe (ep 8)

Okay, so Gun is really very obvious about the two of them. Even though I don't think much of office gossip and I wish them both all the luck in the world, he should know a little better. Nonetheless, I can so understand him reaching for his safe haven after Time attacked him like that. And I love that Cher has become his safe haven. And the scenes with the two of them are just sweet. I think Jack did something wrong with his lecture. A boss can have a happy relationship with an intern. Just because society doesn't think it's good or bad movies try to sell the stereotype of the little office chick, doesn't mean that two grown people in different positions can't be happy together. Of course an abuse of power can happen, but it doesn't here and Jack should see that. He should understand that not only Cher is good for Gun, but the other way around. But good, a little drama has to happen. The episode totally caught up with me again.

☼ 4. Step by Step (ep 1)

The first episode was very promising. I wish with all my heart that Pat would explode at some point and shut his colleague up. The preview for next week didn't look very pleasant, but that's what previews are, they want to captivate the viewer after all. I'm incredibly fond of Pat. I think he's one of those characters I can relate to quite well….a little yes man who doesn't know his limits yet. Saying no is hard, but over time you learn that it's no use trying to please people all the time. I liked the encounters in the café and how freely Pat can talk. I hope he stays as open and honest, just with a little more self-reflection and more courage to say no in the future.

↓ 5. Chains of Heart (ep 10 Final)

I still don't get it. So Din cooperated with the police and then in the end went on a solo destroyer trip where he didn't even get shot, although five men and one of them with a machine gun shot at him…The kid is made of Teflon or something, bullets just bounce off him. Then he has to kill Inpha too…Why? Why not wait for the police, who arrived shortly after! What really bothers me the most, after thinking about it a bit, is that there was not one clarifying conversation between Din and Ken. Just a one night stand. Once all desire washed out and then goodbye…And Din still says he has sworn never again to let go of the hand of his beloved. I don't get it. I would be so pissed if I were Ken. And the open ending with the 7th of the 7th month…Yeah sure, they will see each other again and have a nice life together, on the run or Din has taken the next identity. I just would have liked to see it, but as the series says, Din wasn't seen again by anyone. Okay, let's take it that way. Now the series is over and I'm trying not to let my slight disappointment with the ending affect my rating of the series as a whole. In general, I thought the series was quite good. It was visually appealing and I really liked Ken and Mr. Lues/Din's chemistry. It's funny how in the beginning we all felt like we were sitting there not knowing what exactly was actually happening. It was definitely a journey I really enjoyed, even if the ending was a bit disappointing. But sometimes it's not the destination that matters, but the journey. And that was good.

→ 6. Naked Dining (ep 2)

Futa realized that he had led a very self-centered life and had simply forgotten the promise he made to his grandmother as a child to travel with her to Mexico to see the ancient ruins, while she had not. That's why she wanted the culinary trip around the world. I find it very sad and incredibly beautiful at the same time. And Futa realizes that work is not everything in life and who would be better suited to accompany him in his change than his soulmate Mahori. Well, it's implied anyway that Mahori definitely believes in something like Soulmates and the flashbacks to the past are certainly meant to hint at something. I am curious and look forward to the next episode.

↑ 7. My Story (ep 2)

Sometimes the most beautiful thing you can see all week is two young men applying lotion and massaging each other.

Zeke and Fifth, both are clearly enjoying each other's touches and I think they realize they already like each other a bit. Absolute favorite couple of the series for me. I just love them. The series is good and cute and free on youtube, so check it out!

☼ 8. The Promise (ep 6)

It continues. While Phu rushed to his grandmother (without telling Nan, of course, but he was supposed to keep his distance anyway…) after she had a little accident, Nan wakes up from his anger. We also see what really happened that night, when in the previous flashbacks they always just kissed each other briefly. They didn't just kiss briefly, they kissed...long. Afterwards Nan, drunk as he was, fell asleep. Anyway, this time Nan travels after Phu and the two don't talk much, but Phu has a nightmare (and of course they sleep in the same bed) and begs Nan in the dream not to leave him. And Nan, quite enraptured by this, promises him not to go anywhere and I'm sitting here just thinking: awwwww!

☼ 9. Our Skyy 2 (ep 1+2)

Hm. I don't know. I don't know if it was the mystical time travel or the fact that Palm was a little too sweetly cute for me, but I didn't think the first two episodes were that good. I have no idea why they couldn't be together in the past, but now they've been sent back to change their future so they can stay together forever by undoing their curse? I just didn't understand what exactly caused their bad fate to be lifted now. But maybe it was just too sweet-talking for me. Palm has always been very corny in his choice of words, but he overdid it a bit in both episodes. I thought the ending was sweet, all good, but it probably won't be my favorite.

↓ 10. Bed Friend (ep 10 Final)

That was a sugar battle. I've rarely seen so much sweetness in one episode. *At this point I had to edit my text, because I was remembered that Uea is seeing a therapist and taking his meds...I just forgot about that, because it was handled very shortly. The love-heals-everything-part was still the focus.

In the end, it got a little too corny with the proposal in the office, so that everyone could see it. Now that wouldn't have worked anywhere else? I don't know. If King had chosen the place because it was important for their relationship, the place where they met or something like that, okay, but just so people could hide…I don't know. But I'm also sometimes a romance trumpet and can't watch things like this well without cringing.

→ 11. Tin Tem Jai (ep 8)

I somehow can't see them being a couple now. Except that Park is a bit nicer to Tin, I don't see any difference to before. They are hugging each other a little bit longer and Park calls Tin Babe, but I can't really see it. It could just be a brotherly relationship. And I don't mean that there is no kiss or anything like that, but they just don't have the vibes of a couple in love. And how old is Tin now? I'm so confused! And why do you have to turn a sweet scene into a drawn-out torture of the nerves, taking everything sweet out of it (a five-minute build-up until Park remembers that the password is Tin's birthday, an important date he can't forget, and then did forget…?).

→ 12. PastSenger (ep 7)

Oh man…this show just doesn't get any better. I love it when couples, once they get together, still act like every touch is too much or are surprised when they touch and get shy when it might come to a kiss. I really don't have much more to say about that. I also don't know what's going to happen for the remaining five episodes. The plot doesn't give much away at the moment, except that Kiao wants to go back to his time, and of course that becomes more and more difficult the more time passes and the deeper the relationship with Bamee goes. I don't have a plan how this is going to end. I think I'll put it on-hold for now until I eventually binge it. Currently, I don't feel like watching any more.

[aliceisathome]

Oh no. No, no, no. We don't get a lovely NC scene half way through the series without serious trauma on the horizon and BAM.

I've just finished ep 6 of The Eighth Sense if you haven't guessed...

I loved the episode (barring the last 2 mins obviously); the gentle comfort Jaewon finds in Jihyun's company, the playfulness, the gradual intimacy*.

Of course there was going to be something hideous at the end which will inevitably cause Jaewon to flash back to his brother's death, make him blame himself and ultimately pull away from Jihyun 'for his own good'. So we'll basically have three Episodes of Doom before our happy ending - this is the downside to Korea doing longer episodes.

Overall though it's a fabulous series; queer and glorious with great cinematography (and music - I'm loving the OST). It feels a bit ITSAY in its execution which is, obviously, praise of the highest order.

So now I just have to grit my teeth and gird my loins for forthcoming stress and sadness. Gah.

*And thank you for going to a hotel for the first time they have sex - I've done it on the beach and the sand gets EVERYWHERE. Unless you want an internal exfoliation I'd avoid.

[heretherebedork]

I totally get your point on realistic queer media vs BL and I'm also super interested to see which way the eight sense leans. I agree it'll probably go more on the side of realistic queer media (whereas I think unintentional love story will fall more on the BL side). I will say that having watched just about every gay korean film and short film I could find over the span of a two week period when I had covid, they do seem to like angst but with happy endings. I can only think of a few that ended sadly. But unfortunately the ones that ended sadly ended VERY sadly. I guess we'll see! I also want to say I'm impressed with the acting and how full the scenes feel so far, like with background characters and stuff. This doesn't seem like there's a huge production budget but it seems bigger than a lot of KBLs and its used very well so far, it really feels like a kdrama and the cinematography is fantastic.

The framing of scenes and such is also clearly done really thoughtfully and has emphasized the actors' chemistry (which is so good). While some things might be a little obvious, it's also well done so far; like I love the shot of their legs walking on the beach where Ji Hyun stutters his steps to get back in perfect sync with Jae Won and the close up of their hands touching when he gives Jae Won the lighter. I like shows that have more small touches and details like that! Reminds me of Mr. Darcy's hand flex after helping Elizabeth into the carriage in pride and prejudice if you've ever seen the 2005 movie of that lol.

I do hope they end it well. I haven't seen a lot of sad endings out of Korea but as they branch out and experiment with BL and queer stories... you never know what they're gonna do. We saw a lot more of that in some early Thai BL and it's coming back in their more experimental stuff and we know Taiwan and Japan are both just kind of... generally dangerous in those terms.

Honestly, for all that I can see the danger in The Eighth Sense, I think we'll get a happy ending. I think it's going to be painful and I wouldn't be surprised at a time jump... but I think the ending itself will give us something but I am also very open that I could be proven wrong.

I love the dynamics and the characters and the careful closeups and the reactions that feel natural and very queer. Oh, the queer waves coming off these boys and the way JaeWon and JiHyun just... pause around each other. There's a palpable change in their energy once they're together and when JaeWon insists his friends go back to the place he knew JiHyun worked? Yeah, that energy was gorgeous.

I am looking forward to this show with only the small hesitation of how much pain is coming out way for these boys, the popular boy in the closet and the loner who seems to basically be a closet, lonely and soft and unsure... oh, this is gonna ache.

[moaserendipity]

The Eighth Sense

The eighth sense is such a great drama. It makes me feel all kind of things. At the moment it makes me feel upset and frustrated but also understanding. Jaewon who lost his little brother is heavily projecting this to Jihyun, which is kind of understandable, which makes everything sadder, because I want to be upset with Jaewon but I can't. I understand where he is coming from, do I agree with what he is doing to Jihyun, absolutely not but I get it.

The trauma he got from losing his little brother in front of his eyes is something I can not phantom. The way he found Jihyun and found his peace with him was amazing to see because if two people are made for each other then it's these two but because of the accident which almost cost Jihyun's life. Jaewon is pulling back hard to not even want to see him anymore. Again I get it but I hate the way this is going. I wish he didn't have to do this.

I do hate that he had to hurt Jihyun in the process because the way you could hear his heart breaking after that last scene. My heart just broke with him because it was not only sadness and disbelief, there was definitely also anger, a lot of anger.

So I am seriously curious how this will develop. Will Jihyun give up or not? What will be the turning point for Jaewon, that he wants Jihyun back because I know that point will come. Will Jihyun forgive him quickly or not? (if it was me, I wouldn't be forgiving him for some time but I hold grudges soo) What about Taehyung who has been his friend for 6 years? I mean this asshole really hates him so deeply, just because Jaewon didn't come to him and their club got dismissed(which I find a bit meh seeing as this happened in their private time but it's what it is) I mean I would've punched him ass well for making a remark like that.

Also, Eun Ji, what will happen to her, will she eventually accept that Jaewon doesn't love her or wants her? because this really was painful to watch. I mean it's always painful to watch her because annoying! but the way she threw herself at him was just pathetic.

Anyway, I can't wait for next Wednesday to see how everything will end!! I am needing a happy ending though, so let's just cross our fingers for that!

[apriiciitty]

I don’t really understand where we are heading with the eighth sense, to be honest. And I don’t mean that in a bad way.

I love the fact that the story it’s being unfold in such a way where you don’t really know what to expect next, so you are on the edge making assumptions and just patiently waiting for the episodes to come.

what makes me sad is that nothing is safe and sense we got introduced to the characters in various ways, I feel like we have created an emotional bond already and I simply don’t want anything and to happen to either jaewon or jihyun because they both don’t deserve to go through all of this.

i am just not prepared for anything else besides a happy ending.

also, to the people who support the ‘a happy ending wouldn’t fit the vibe of the series’

Kindly, shut the fuck up you sick piece of-

[tobeornottotc]

Thoughts of a terrified watcher trying to convince her self that it’s okay to trust this show and let it do what it wants with my heart but failing miserably. This is about the eighth sense which I won’t even speak about on a podcast until it ends because of how on edge it makes me. But this is how I am convincing my self this week that we’re in good hands and we will survive and it will be a happy ending, delusional much? Yes, does it start with a foreshadowed drowning and this man Jae Won looking lost and hurt in a therapist office? Yes but see, i choose to ignore that, and focus on a positive way it can work. And that’s by knowing the producer and director’s way involved in this show. 

The eighth sense is produced and directed  by Where Your Eyes Linger director like he’s great at Angst and sexual tension and that’s why I feel pulled to it, add in the realism aspect and different feelings to his shows like To My Star, so I’m not surprised I’m into it. I’ve been wanting a show with the same  level of angst and tension like WYEL, the playing along the lines of what are we? is one of my fave things to witness between two people, and  a spark so real and obvious it makes the audience also feel breathless and attracted to it too.  I’m very scared that Eighth sense may be more painful but like WYEL had a chance for a sad ending during when we watched it in fact it had a very painful seperation before their reunited as long as the drowning has already occurred in the past (Jae won’s brother) we should be fine we may get a very painful separation

But hopefully the end point is healing (the therapist room) and finally opening up and embracing the fear of his past which you can tell Jaewon avoids. I'm hoping that’s what this is  Guys I can’t have his brother be hurt and also Ji hyun who can’t swim die at the end. For what? I know it’s not BUG but it’ll still make me upset and stress me out the way those endings do,   I’ll trust Inu for now because I wanna know what his vision is, what his story is for this, it just seems like another show that discusses mental health in an interesting way and characters that are both on their own path to self discovery and acceptance of their weaknesses and strengths (TMS, WYEL) with each other. Angst but still overall a happy message right ? Ignore me I can tell this show really might be it for me but if I have to suffer to make a show it for me it’s like why? I just wanna escape into something safe despite the pain and angst. My heart is too fragile to deal with ruptures. 

Topics like these leave me on edge cause of what people want to say with them, if it needs to be emotionally and poetically devastating (I’m always on the other side of no it does not need that message for every piece filmed with this amount of effort and thought) so I’m on edge.

Then again Inu ain't sleek. i also sense he and his german director were influenced a bit by SKAM? like that also has some interesting themes that can be found here, IH, and the struggle with queer discovery, hidden trauma and reactions/perspective of mental health, tension, controlling/suspicious ex girlfriend,  lack of control vs embracing fears and so much more.... that also has a soul shattering painful angsty separation that then later has an outcome of healing and happiness and acceptance.  look i like to lie to my self by following patterns and I really am beginning to believe  I’m safe here with this show for now. I see Skam, I see remnants of WYEL themes, and I even see TMS  so I’m going to stay  calm and wait. Okay i think I've convinced my self for another week. Directing choices in later romantic scenes reminds me of Skam too, the connection to music in an interesting way, the intimate scenes, but I know things are coincidence, but surely with all this information we’re closer to this path than the other one right? Right? Well I’m goanna be looking for more signs on my journey with this show that I’m not being had, and it won’t end sadly with the death of this boy. Like why? what would be the point his character arc don’t seem to be about that either, like it’s about self discovery and doing more with himself, but I don’t know either way just know I’m on edge and this show has me spiralling cause I want to be obsessed and write and scream about it in just two episodes, my gut is making me think it’s the show for me but not if it leads me to a slap of  realism or whatever sad endings are used for. I just can’t.  I forgot he also has like been part of the production of Handmaiden’s so see, another angsty show in which the queer couple survives and makes it see??? I’m not crazy... Follow the patterns... okay maybe i’m spiralling I refuse to believe hes not producing another queer positive narrative I refuse...

[rosietaeyongswife]

i love u so, pls let me go | jaewon

 jaewon was sitting in his studio thinking so much, that he didn’t even notice hanbin walking in.

“yo man, what are you thinking about?” no response. “dude?”

“ah, what?” he didn’t pay anttention, and was kind of missing out, what does his frirend said. “sorry, i zooned out.”

“no problem.” he laughed. “i was asking what are you thinking about?”

“i’m kinda..” he was looking for words “kinda sad.”

“why? does something happend? y/n?”

“yeah, her.”

“did you fight or something?”

“no we didn’t. even if there is reason, she wouldn’t bring it up.” he hissed. “i’m sad, because of me.”

“you can tell me, and i can give you advice.” he smiled at him. “no matter what, jaewon i am here.”

“i love her, you know that, she know that, my parents know that, everyone know that.” hanbin nodded. “but i feel bad. i truly love her, but i feel like i’m not enough. she deserves better.”

“what do you mean?”

“i’m always working on something. you know album, new drama or some shoots. it does take a lot of my time, and energy. i see by myself, that i don’t get enough my time to her. i see how she is happy when she see me, but also how sad she is when i need to go.” he was now looking at his foot. “i know that she misses me so much, i heard how she was talking with her friend that she is tired. she would want to have more time with me, and other shit.”

“ah, i understand now. but she never tolds you, that she is mad about it?”

“she didn’t have to.” he smiled a little. “she is tired of this relationship, and she is in it by herself. i can’t be with her, and took everything from her, but not giving enough.”

 his words were honest. you weren’t type to say it loud about things that upset you, and jaewon knew it perfectly. he just knew by your actions, that you are hurt.

“so you feel like you are keeping her away on a collar?”

“kinda.”

“i mean.” he stopped. “if that would make you both happy, i feel like you should do it, but think abou it, if you aren’t going to regret it.”

“i am sure.” he wasn’t.

 you were staring at your now ex-boyfriend with doubt in his eyes. you couldn’t quite understand what was going on right now. jaewon just walked in, faced you and tell you, that both of you should break up.

“so that’s how it ends.” you hissed. “i thought that you have genuine feelings for me, as i do to you. but..” you were looking now at pictures in frame at the wall “i was wrong. i gave you my all, but now you want to break up. after this time.”

“listen y/n. i love you, i love you so much.” he held your hands, and you were just looking at his hands. “look at me.” you did. “when you love someone you want this person to be happier, you can let go of this person, if this means that it’s going to be better. that’s what i’m doing. don’t you see, that because of my work it’s not working?” he was right. “i’m tired of see you being hurt deep inside, or how many times you were waiting for me. i’m really sad, that i made you upset. that i made you feel like this.”

“but we can still try. i am not complaining!” you lied. “we could get over this. i could be happy at my own, you know. this wasn’t the worst time. i get used to it. if you just want to break up, cause you bored of me, just say it, and don’t lie to my face bastard.”

“i am not lying, y/n. i truly love you, i really do. but i want you to be happier, and i know that right now i can’t be person, who makes you happy.” his voice break down. “i can take away your happines or freedom, just because i am working, and you are waiting. you deserve the best, and i’m taking it away. i love you, but please let me go, as i let go of you. i think you’ll be happier with someone who can be with you.” tear goes down his cheek. he couldn’t believe his words. “i know it’s sounds harsh, but.. we should get over ourselfs.”

“i see.” you said, and let go of his hands. “i don’t see point in it. i was just trying to be by your side no matter what. but it’s okay. if you want me to be happier, then i will. thank you for last two years, and good times. i hope you won’t treat your next girl the same. i hope you’ll understand, that if someone truly loves you, they’ll wait for you.” you turn around. “but now i agree. goodbye, jung jaewon. get your stuff, and get out of my apartament.”

it’s not that good, but i have idea in my head so yeah

[high-five-of-teenager-trashblog]

Discography Discussion: We Hate All Kinds of Violence

If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you probably know quite a bit about H.O.T. I assume you have a favorite member. I bet you’ve heard tracks like “I-Yah” and “Hope”. But I haven’t really discussed the start of H.O.T in depth, nor the discography of their first album. After making you wait so long, let’s talk about how this influential group began.

Before H.O.T

In order to understand why H.O.T was created, we’ve got to understand Korean history.

(Note: As this blog is about one group and the point of this post is to talk about one album, I am leaving out a lot of notable events and people to give you a basic summary of what led to H.O.T.)

Up until 1988, South Korea had been constantly under oppressive political regimes. This oppression extended to music, which limited who could sing and what songs would be allowed to the masses. 1988 is a very important year in Korean history because that was when the country opened itself to the world and hosted the 1988 Seoul Olympics in Jamsil, Seoul. Through various political, economic, and technological changes, Korea was gradually transforming into what it is now. However, music was still largely either patriotic tunes or shallow love songs.

You know what came next. In the spring of 1992 Seo Taiji and Boys debuted. They had mass appeal among young people in Korea because they made music directed to people in Korea that was about their problems. Even though there was management involved with the group, it was entirely under the control of Seo Taiji - not some executive who dictated what the group could say and do. Also, they were not the first group in Korea to use rock music or rap, but the way Seo Taiji combined different genres and styles was very different - and very appealing. Bland dance and pop music produced by large broadcasting companies weren’t going to cut it anymore.

Generally speaking, whenever there is some kind of innovation, businesses and investors crop up looking to make a profit. The Korean music industry is no different. The rise of Seo Taiji and Boys created this essential question: Could a company recreate Seo Taiji and Boys?

The answer came in 1996.

H.O.T Pre-Debut

Before SM Entertainment, there was SM Studio. It was Lee Sooman’s first serious venture into starting a music company. In 1990, Hyun Jinyoung debuted as the first artist in the company and led to the start of several careers. Lee Sooman eventually signed on other artists, such as Yoo Youngjin in 1993.

However, Lee Sooman had seen the Japanese system of training idols and wanted to adapt that for Korea. Some things came out of this and became standardized in K-Pop (to some extent), such as idols of the same group living together and going through training for a period of time. This also changed how artists were managed and signed on. It went from being like MGM during Hollywood’s Golden Age to the “factory” idea we know now.

The first idols (and lab rats) for this were H.O.T. Kangta was the first to be recruited for his voice when Lee Sooman heard him sing at Lotte World. Heejun was asked to audition due to his ability to dance, sing, and write music. Woohyuk passed his audition as he was also a talented dancing. Jaewon’s recruitment isn’t well-known other than that he gained points for his visual appeal, however, sometimes people make claims that he was previously friends with Heejun and yet aren’t able to provide credible sources (at least that I’m aware of). Tony, however, auditioned with his friend Andy in LA and was voted in by the other four members. Lee Sooman has said that Tony didn’t have much going for him, but he recruited him because he thought the teenager would work hard. Together, these five were everything the public wanted.

Before H.O.T debuted, they were seen in public. Heejun and Kangta were dancers for Yoo Youngjin, and Jaewon and Woohyuk joined them later (I’m not sure if Tony did, however, considering how late he joined). The group even performed their debut song at a festival at Heejun’s high school. They were generating hype and ready to begin.

The We Hate All Kinds of Violence Album

 H.O.T debuted on Sept. 7th, 1996. Their first album was called We Hate All Kinds of Violence. The cover art shows a person sitting on a step with their head in their arms in a way that usually denotes sadness or despair while wearing uniform with a hat that says “Workers”. The combination of group name, album title, and album artwork set the tone of the album at a glance as being geared towards teenagers. This was a smart move on SM’s part. Seo Taiji and Boys had disbanded earlier that year, so there was a void in the music industry that needed to be filled, and H.O.T seemed to fit the bill for a lot of young people in Korea.

Warrior’s Descendant

Their debut track was “Warrior’s Descendant”. Just hearing that title tends to interest people even before they hear the actual song. It gives off the impression that the song is about someone who has a fighting spirit like their ancestors, even if they themselves aren’t soldiers.

Lyrics (DISCLAIMER FOR THIS SECTION: TW: BULLYING)

The lyrics themselves are about bullying. The opening words are, “Ah~ Why are you hitting me?” (Lyrics Source) From there the lyrics are presented as though by the victim themselves asking why they’re being beaten up. Parts of the song seem to indicate that this isn’t a one-off thing, it’s something that’s been going on for a long time:

You changed me without a guilt You hit me Once we were friends You ruined me

I was beaten like a stupid idiot I lost everything and was roaming around Now with sounds of punch, steal and breaths My heart was torn already because of my lost friends

However, this person seems to believe that someone will save them and that this won’t go on forever.

It's time to stop, The violence, hate, and all the mess, It's about time someone should stand for what is right, That is right

Now I want my future that I've been dreaming of I think of everything can be back as it was before I trusted you I trust you once more Save me Someone someone can

Unfortunately, the song ends with the realization that no one is going save them. That someone can save them, but no one does.

Someone someone can,someone someone can, That I know it, That I know it, That I know it, Can Can That I know it, Someone someone someone someone someone can, someone can, someone can, someone can can can can can, But I know it won't happen, Now I give up everything; I have because of you. They ruined me, They took it all even my last hope You became my enemy and now I give you up They ruined me, They took it all even my last hope. I look for the hope; It's nowhere Now I'm gonna punish myself.....

The worst part of this is that the victim seems to be blaming themselves. They seem to think that they were at fault so they are going to give up. The last line itself, “Now I’m gonna punish myself” is especially troubling.

While you might have been hoping there would be a happy ending, this song wasn’t meant to have one. For a debut song that was supposed to target teenagers, this was a perfect introduction. Bullying is common everywhere, but it’s especially bad in Korea. If you’ve been a fan of K-Pop or K-Dramas for a while, you’ve probably heard a lot about this.

I think the reason why the song ends on a hopeless tone is because the song verbalized what a lot of kids and teenagers in that position probably feel like. Considering how many people follow this blog, I assume that at least one person reading this has been (or is currently being) bullied, so these words probably resonate with you.

And that is the point of “Warrior’s Descendant”, as it targets two groups of people. The first group of people are the ones being bullied, as it tells their point of view. The second group are the bystanders, as it calls them out for not doing anything about it. It calls for these two groups of people to look at each other and see that this isn’t just something that happens, bullying is a choice. The point of the lyrics is to tell people who are bullied that what they’re going through isn’t right, and to tell people to stop being a bystander and do something. This song was a call to action.

Also, the beginning of this song tends to get used in variety shows. However, I don’t think I’ve ever seen it used to match up with the context of the lyrics. Next time you hear this song somewhere, you might want to take note of the feeling the song brings to the situation it’s used for.

(End of bullying discussion)

This was actually the first song Yoo Youngjin produced, and led to his long and successful career with composing and producing music at SM Entertainment.

The MV

The music video itself shows a story between cutting to H.O.T singing and dancing. The MV opens with a teenage boy looking up while bloody, then cuts to people walking away from him - great hook. It quickly cuts to the night before when the guy was walking with a girl while carrying his violin case. Three guys around his age come and beat him up, and then go after the girl. When the guy sees the girl being targeted, he gets up to fight them off of her and she tries to defend him as well. It ends with the teenager bloody in the daylight with his broken violin. Maybe it’s just me reading into things, but it looks like the guy got beat up in the alley and then possibly got dragged to a school due to the building in the background.

It also has a very 90s style to it. Their outfits were purchased by the members themselves - I don’t know if SM had a stylist who told them what to get or if they were just given free reign, but they did have to pay for them. In addition to the outfits, there were some hallmarks of the time period in the music video, such as graffiti, which was a very popular aesthetic in the 90s and can also be seen in Turbo’s “Black Cat” MV.

Also, even though I haven’t heard anyone else agree with me on this, I personally feel like “Warrior’s Descendant” sounds like “Come Back Home” by Seo Taiji and Boys due to the vocals, instrumental, and tone. Considering that H.O.T was largely created as a response to Seo Taiji and Boys, I think it’s quite possible that recalling the other group was intentional.

However, “Warrior’s Descendant” is simultaneously where Seo Taiji and Boys ends and H.O.T begins.

Candy

Does this song really need an introduction? Probably not, so I’m just going to jump into it. This is H.O.T’s most well-known song and is beloved by many people even years later. It was also their golden ticket and get-out-of-jail-free card throughout their time promoting together.

MV

This music video is iconic for so many reasons.

First up, the location is perfect for such a bright song. It was filmed at Lotte World in Jamsil, Seoul.

Now, you might be thinking to yourself, “Jamsil? I’ve heard of that place before” and you would be correct! That’s where the 1988 Seoul Olympic Games took place, and it’s also a huge part of H.O.T’s history. They had their 918 concert there in 1999, their last concert there in 2001, and their reunion concerts have been there because of the 2001 concert as well.

As for Lotte World itself, it’s one of the major theme parks in South Korea. H.O.T filmed in front of the famous merry-go-round and various other sites around the park. Fun fact: this is also where the drama “Stairway to Heaven” was filmed at.

When I was in Korea, I visited Jamsil quite a few times and it was one of my favorite places. You have no idea how excited I was when I went to the Olympic Park and saw the stadium in person. I also got the chance to visit Lotte World and ride on the merry-go-round, as well as walk on the outdoor bridge they danced on. If you’re an H.O.T fan, I highly recommend going there.

Choreography

The dance for this song is very iconic because it’s bouncy and fun. When I say bouncy, I mean that literally considering as Heejun’s favorite dance move involves him bouncing on the ground.

Trademark Colors

If you’ve been a fan of K-Pop for a while, you probably know that a lot of groups have their own color. The first group that had an official fan color (to my knowledge) was Seo Taiji and Boys, and their color was yellow. However, colors became more of a big deal for K-Pop groups because of H.O.T.

H.O.T’s official color is white, which is why you tend to see them wear white suits and their light stick is white. However, they also have an official color for each member. Heejun is yellow, Woohyuk is blue, Tony is red, Kangta is green, and Jaewon is orange. If you see merch of the group, you’ll often see these colors being heavily associated with each member, and you’ll often see fans cheering with their individual color as well as white.

These colors helped the public to easily identify who was who when they were rookies.

They also had different accessories. Woohyuk had his floppy hat with eyeballs attached to it - that can be seen on that light stick he teased. Kangta had a bag. Tony had a hat. Jaewon had earmuffs - which was a win because it was getting to be cold when this track was released. Heejun, however, had a visor which he hated due to it not keeping him warm in the winter, nor cool in the summer. Their fluffy outfits also endeared them to the public because of how cute they were.

Lyrics

So now that we’ve talked about all the visuals, let’s talk about what “Candy” itself is about. First off, the lyrics to this song are so painfully 90s and cheesy. The story is this: a guy plans on going on break (or breaking up) with his girlfriend because he realizes he’s not the best boyfriend and their relationship isn’t doing great. He literally decides that suddenly when he wakes up in the morning - you can’t make this up.

To be honest with you I want to see you today to talk about us to tell you that I need some space Please understand me I’m telling you that it was a difficult decision Actually, I thought of it this morning

He admits that it’s something he needs to work on and says:

I will need to change myself Without your knowing it I’ve compared you to other girls

There’s a part of the lyrics that are very angsty and dramatic.

When I dream about us each time the dream would vanish and I am left by myself Crying so pathetic stuck in this position I decided I’m leaving you! I’m leaving you! Although I still love you I will leave I will forget and stop loving you As I look to the sky above me I told myself I must keep my heart cold towards you

However, he eventually realizes that even though their relationship needs work, he loves her and actually doesn’t want to be apart from her.

I love only you I said this to you All that I had prepared to say turned backwards I’ll always be by your side

It finishes up with Kangta saying this:

I’ll always be by your side You’ll never be alone again I’m here next to you

The conclusion the songs comes to is this: There can be problems with your relationship, but if you really love them and want to stay with them, you need to communicate and work on making your relationship better.

Also, don’t make huge decisions rashly - I think that should be the big takeaway from this.

Like “Warrior’s Descendant”, this song is also used on variety shows quite a bit. I’ve even heard it called, “The Perfect Song for Valentine’s Day”. Considering the context of this song is essentially about a breakup (until the end), I have my doubts when it’s used on broadcasts that are trying to hype up a love line.

(Lyrics Source)

The Candy Consequence

Earlier I mentioned that “Candy” was their golden ticket. Now that you understand the song itself, let’s talk about why it is that way.

“Warrior’s Descendant” was very serious and geared towards teenagers. “Candy”, however, took their popularity and gave H.O.T a family-friendly reputation. It was the perfect combination of cute guys, a sweet song, and iconic visuals that helped the general public to differentiate them from other groups at the time.

While Seo Taiji and Boys were massively popular with Korea’s youth, they were often thought of as being rebellious, especially since they famously criticized various aspects of Korea - such as the education system.

If you’ve read my other Discography Discussions, you’re well-aware of what H.O.T has done over the years. However, unlike Seo Taiji and Boys, they weren’t as censored or thought of as being nearly as problematic. Why? Look no further than “Candy”.

The popularity “Candy” has is two-sided. On one side, it’s annoying because people (especially newer or international fans) tend to associate them with it, instead of the rest of their discography. On the other side, because people associate them with it first, they tend to be more forgiving (and ignorant >.>) whenever H.O.T released tracks that were full of profanity or violence.

While “Candy” is quite different from most of their other popular tracks, it was the one that allowed H.O.T to rise to heights no one had been expecting.

Other Tracks of Interest

You’re Fast, I’m Slow - This tends to be one of those songs that H.O.T fans know because it gets used in compilations and as background music. The lyrics themselves are about a girl hitting on a guy and trying to make their relationship go at a faster pace than what he’s ready for. He’s asking her to slow down so that they can have a good relationship. They’re just friends, but the girl clearly wants to be more.

A day or two has passed and you've changed too much You kept catching me off guard with your "non-PG" questions You teased me, saying that I didn't have any courage and I was such a boring guy

And before y’all ask, yes, he’s into her. Warning: Explicit

But you don't know my heart I want all of you Don't rush it too much I want to show you my heart slowly

I want to have you, Something that I've deeply wanted If you give me another chance, I'll take you tonight

I'll make you feel real good Even make you groan & moan like I know you should

Remember how I said “Candy” allowed them to get away with more explicit stuff? “You’re Fast, I’m Slow” is Exhibit A. Yoo Youngjin is too obvious sometimes.

(Lyric Source)

Your Image in the Sunset - This is basically your standard breakup song. I’m just pointing it out because I love the instrumental and how this song sounds, tbh. It really gives off a 90s feeling.

Another Stressful Day - This song is about a guy who has a hangover and has to get to work. The kicker is that the members were too young to legally drink when this came out. Considering that the guy on the cover is wearing a work uniform, it is possible that true context of the image is that he is hungover, not upset due to some violent circumstance.

The Age of Individual Characteristic - This song has a great message about self love and not judging people by their appearances alone.

just because you think you're ugly, don’t just sit at home staring into a mirror, accept a new change - find a unique characteristic about yourself..

please, don’t let love follow changing fashion.. don’t let it change.. a male wearing tight short shorts with long hair and a female wearing torn long jeans with a 'sports cut' hair.. lets help each others individual characteristics prevail..

(Lyrics Source)

About Women - This is the final track on the album. It’s basically H.O.T saying that they don’t understand women, but they respect them. It starts out with talking about stereotypes men have for women, and then goes into arguing about it. However, these are the parting words H.O.T concludes the track and the album with:

Women sometimes make our lives hard and confusing, but we have to remember they're not toys, They're not toys but real deep beings... 

(Lyrics Source)

Conclusion

We Hate All Kinds of Violence was an excellent start for H.O.T’s career and a new era of Korean music. It was an album for teenagers by teenagers. Although a lot of their work has been forgotten over the years, it is certainly an important artifact that waits to be discovered by those it speaks to.

Where to listen to the album: iTunes Spotify

[fmdjaeinarchive]

a sort of belated plot call/update on my girls that i wanted to do once the quarter schedules went up but when am i ever on time for anything, right? anyway, i know i’m terrible with tumblr im’s and am always slow, but if you’d still like to plot please do like this and i’ll come hopping over !! or you can message me first on here or d*scord if you have mine. feel free to ask for that btw <3 below the cut is a brief outline of what my girls are up to this quarter/how they’re doing as well as schedule/base prompts if you’re interested! 

jaein

technically tiger eyes promotions are almost over, but if your muse was ever promoting around the same time as her and you’d like to thread something, feel free to say so! it’d be a lot of jaein complaining but maybe you liked tiger eyes? she’d ask why but don’t tell jaewon she said that. she’ll tell him herself lol

lucid is getting ready for another comeback so lucid members who want to do a schedule thread with her, hmu. jaein kind of likes love whisper as a concept and sure it might be a little boring, but she’s more comfortable with the normal realm so she’s a bit more relaxed this time around. there’s also the fanmeeting which is a lot of work in itself so lucid busy bees

she’s also part of a new variety show that involves cooking a meal every single week so if someone wants to be her guinea pig and try out these snacks she has to practice, that’s always an idea too

open base prompts: the interview is open both ways so jaein can interview your muse or jaein can be interviewed, the choice live and cover live is also available if your muse is interested!

hyeju

ticket’s boring and not really her style but the summer comeback is much more upbeat and interesting. she just wants this promotion period to end, but if your muse is promoting at the same time, hyeju’s always sitting around backstage so you can hit her up at anytime and she’ll waste her time with you <3 

she’ll also be promoting solo in may with maria which isn’t her thing either. something new bc is trying with her, and she’s an employee so who is she to say no? 

bc ent muses: hyeju will be at the gala and acting grumpy like she is at every single bc event! she’s the biggest byungchul hater so hit her up if you want to talk shit about him

knight light members: hyeju got approved as being the featuring on 1 billion lights. something that bc puts her on against her will, but it’s not like recording a couple of lines is hard yknow. she’s very indifferent about the featuring, but if you’d like to plot something around that, i’d be open to it!

lipstick members: always open to threading/plotting with y’all. she thinks bc is stupid for pushing such a rushed comeback with hurt locker but at least the song is fun and catchy and better than ticket

open base prompts: like jaein, both interviews are still open, advice and choice live are available as well. she’s not the initiative kind of person so she’ll probably follow whatever your muse wants to teach her/do

suji

fuse literally has no activities right now but they’re getting word of a single comeback soon which suji thinks is so little compared to the long hiatus they were put on. if any fuse member would like to plot/thread something, you know i love you all . her thoughts on hands up is that it’s super cheesy to quote beethoven throughout the whole song, and she’s not a huge fan of the way she’s going to be asked to sing the song but whatever. it’s a comeback, and she’ll have to be satisfied with that

she’s always writing music so if your muse is interested in that or needs a songwriting friend, i really love to explore that with other muses

open base prompts: both interviews, how-to live and choice live are available!

she has the least going on out of all my muses which means she’s probably the best to go for when it comes to some more casual threads? idk i’m just throwing things out there

yujin

the unfortunate news of element’s disbandment is literally all that’s on her mind. such terrible timing because it comes right after her successful role on the producers which she was so happy for. she probably won’t like to talk about it for the time being because she’s still trying to process everything

won’t have any solo activities for a while though i do plan on throwing her in a very small drama role around the time of marigold’s debut just to catch some attention onto the re-debut. however, plans for that are still in the making and i have no clue what drama i’ll throw her in anyway. if you have a muse who you’re planning to throw into a drama around october ~ november and you think yujin could fit one of the roles, feel free to throw it out to me? i’m always open to suggestions

uhhh she has a pretty sad quarter coming ahead, and i can’t think of any specifics but she’s open if you still want to plot with her

open base prompts: literally everything is open for yujin!! and she’s probably the easiest to work with since she’s just... great to get along with 

[kagemajaya]

Unripe Expression - High school romance and friendship done well

Misughan Pyohyeon - 2016, Aga - 9/10

Jaewon and his boys - my favorite harem yet

I’m not much of a manga reader, if you don’t count BLs that is. BL manga is one of the very few things that can pull me out of boredom, and I consume on average one volume a day. Korean webtoons are definitely a part of this comic devotion of mine. They are almost always easy to consume (not something I can say for manga) and the format lends itself to binging extremely well. Many a night, starting a new 80+ chapter webtoon has been a grave mistake for me, as I end up welcoming the sun with whatever couple I’m on a journey with at the time. Another feature of most BL webtoons is that somehow their drama never suffocates me, no matter the seriousness. Albeit a huge generalization, even when they make me cry rivers, they never feel quite so pessimistic as their Japanese counterparts. I always know what sort of an emotional reaction I’ll get out of them - which is not a bad thing if you are reading romance as a enjoyable pastime.

Unripe Expression, while seemingly just another one of the cute high school romances with some light drama, changed my mind as it built towards something subtly different. Throughout the majority of the story, I had two main feelings: that the story was ordinary but very involving, and that the main cast was individually superb characters. They were well-written and had lives and feelings of their own, and they were all extremely sympathetic even after they made mistakes. At the end, my feelings on the boys remained strong, but another thought struck me. The story was their desires, interactions, overall relationships, and characterization otherwise. The romantic pursuits and the friendships that Aga showed us were nuanced and alive, and I love each and every one of them.

Jaewon, the MC, is a sweet guy and first and foremost I wanted his choice to be realized, and this was in spite of Junseo being my best boy. While Jaewon had agency in the narrative, and he had a choice from the very beginning, the romantic plot never revealed what it had in store for us at the end. This is a 70 chapter comic, and I only knew who the lucky guy was in the last 2-3 chapters, a truly unpredictable gem. This can rattle a lot of people, and perhaps, if I hadn’t been convinced by the relationships of Jaewon and the boys, I’d have felt the same. Looking up some reviews after I finished the story, I found that not a lot of people were happy about the ending, so this might not be one of the stories you choose to read when you are in the mood for wish fulfillment. Speaking for myself, it fulfilled my wishes in terms of great relationship development on all counts, so even if I felt sad for the unlucky ones, I was completely satisfied with the way this particular story turned out. I bought every one of their plotlines, and that none of them were tools for fanservice to the audience. I was reading the real lives of a bunch of good high school boys, and what I wanted for them was not really their concern. Aga certainly has the qualities of a writer that I respect passionately. They seem to be writing for art and not the reader. Having said that, I’m still a weak human, so I’d love to see a continuation story for the other boys who couldn’t get Jaewon. [Big spoilers past this point until marked otherwise.]

Is it gonna be him or him or him? An embarrassment of riches...

First and foremost of those boys is of course Junseo, the reason for the public outcry in reviews. Junseo is the most well-built character and it is perfectly natural to be on his side as he helps Jaewon through his identity crisis and romantic troubles chasing Karam. He is sweet, loyal, a great friend, and as we witness him support his friend wholeheartedly, he falls in love with him in the process. The fact that he had already had a very intense relationship before high school and was broken hearted over it adds to our deep sympathy for him. His own transition from friend to boy in love is believable, and the story helps us support him in his quest through the first half of it - until we start getting a bit more into how Karam sees Jaewon (well at least me!)

My journey in what I want for Jaewon was quite shaky. In fact I’d say I’d have probably felt okay with whoever he ended up with. However, my top choice changed throughout the story; first Karam, then Junseo, and Karam again. I never stopped loving Junseo the best and feeling for him, but as mentioned, I wanted Jaewon to have who he wanted. We knew Karam was slightly interested in him from the beginning but the nature of that was not entirely clear. As we got further away from understanding him, my heart was turning towards Junseo and giving him what he wanted. However, Aga eventually turned the story back to Karam, with a new tool in the game - Jaewon’s first love Yoonsung. Yoonsung didn’t only trigger Karam to understand his own feelings better, he also showed us that Jaewon’s feelings were fully mutual. Karam can come across as the least developed of the group, and he is certainly the “less exciting” choice, but his own struggles with his feelings were gripping. Despite feeling that Jaewon was special, and despite being confessed to, he turned down Jaewon and still wanted to stay with him. This trope of being scared to lose a friend can come across as ordinary, but in this case the execution was superb. Karam wasn’t actually scared, and without respite, he kept sticking to Jaewon and flirting with him and doing everything in his power to stay in his heart. He didn’t want to lose Jaewon’s love for him to Yoonsung. The inherent selfishness of this is also inherently titillating to me - as long as Jaewon was only looking at him, he didn’t want to bother with the troubles that come with romance. Thankfully, Yoonsung came across as a very open threat to his possessive love. Little did he know, the real possible competition was Jaewon’s best friend Junseo.

Yoonsung himself comes across as the easy boy, the playboy who is playing games, and why would we ever root for him? The truth is we’ve read plenty of BL where the childhood love of the hero returns and has had a transformation of his own and gains the heart of his love again. Yoonsung is a charming boy, and from his perspective, the story is a sad one. The boy he’s loved all his life doesn’t pick him, and he doesn’t even make it simple. Jaewon’s protests against Yoonsung’s advances are flimsy at best. In the space of a few days, he gives hope to all three boys with his actions. Karam has already been confessed to, Yoonsung is allowed physical closeness, and Junseo emotional closeness. Jaewon’s relationships with each of them make these interactions believable and not-unlikeable. They are all a part of the natural flow, and in the end, as a boy who has been turned down, his confusion is natural. I find the final choice of Karam incredibly realistic, as he’s never stopped loving him. And luckily for Karam, he wasn’t too late to fix what he had almost undone. Unlucky for Junseo of course, because given enough time, I have no doubt that he could have made Jaewon forget about Karam’s rejection. Just the timing wasn’t right. Poor Yoonsung, on the other hand, was entirely too late. His time had been almost ten years ago. His unintentional rejection of Jaewon as a well-meaning child was the final chance he was ever going to get. 

Jaewon is the wholesomest slut in the world of BL

Another entirely doki doki element of the webtoon is that throughout the story no one ever finds out how close Jaewon and Junseo were. It was their own world, making their friendship particularly special - and make no mistake, it was a friendship, of the best kind. A huge strength of this webtoon was that despite most of the boys being in love with Jaewon, it wasn’t only about romance. It was very much about friendship, friendship of people who might have romantic connections as well. Whilst in many romance stories, friendship can be neglected, it is even rarer to see lovers or love interests portrayed properly as a friend. The perfection of how Junseo was equally in love and a loyal friend is one of the biggest draws here. Of course, we don’t only have Junseo as a friend but also Jaehee, who was the only straight boy in the crowd, Jaewon’s other best friend. Jaehee had a smaller role compared to the others, however, from his initial reaction to how he got himself forgiven and how he silently watched over his friend without wanting to make him uncomfortable, he had a subtle and sweet character development of his own. He was the less complicated friend-the one who was always there, unlike Junseo who had to leave at the end. And that choice was probably the one that made me the saddest. It was clear to me that Jaewon wasn’t only a crush for Junseo, so seeing him throw away his friendship was particularly sad. Jaewon respected his choice in the end, as he had briefly been there with Karam and didn’t appreciate the situation he was put in (once again showing that Karam is not such a goodie two-shoes.) In the end, this made the ending particularly bittersweet - not only because best boy Junseo didn’t get the boy but also because they had lost their best friends in each other as well. If we ever get a sequel, I would love to see Junseo get a boyfriend of his own, and back to being friends with Jaewon - and close friends at that! If I had to complain about anything at all, it would be that friendship does come behind romance as the main theme, and this means that once the romantic plotline ends, we don’t get to see any “side stories” to see where they all end up. Given how important friendship is to the rest of the story, it would have been more fulfilling to have one for the road.

Spoilers done!

In the end, Unripe Expression was a great success - telling a heartfelt story of love and friendship of five sweet boys, all of whom you could route for, for their own happiness. Harem is a particularly difficult structure to realistically execute and Aga did it perfectly here. None of the characters’ interest in the main character felt forced and I never found myself thinking, oh my god, why does everyone like this one boy! Even if the last choice may be controversial to some, Unripe Expression tells the story of Jaewon’s romantic escapades in a heartfelt and well-constructed fashion. Hopefully, you’ll give this beautiful (and extremely bingeable) webtoon a shot and Aga will one day grace us with more of their imagination and more of these boys’ friendships.

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

↬ killing me softly.

date: march 2020 - september 2020.

location: ash’s apartment studio.

word count: 2,018 words, excluding lyrics.

summary: ash: i am so sad, i am so lonely, i want someone to love me, my mental health is terrible. there, that’s the whole solo. no need to read it.

triggers: mentions of nightmares, death, and alcohol. blink and you’ll miss it suicidal ideation.

notes: creative claims verification.

march 2020.

the escaping memories of a nightmare shake ash awake in the middle of the night and by the time he’s regained his senses, he’s sitting up ramrod straight in his bed, the darkness of his room closing in around him like death.

the remnants of the dream are thin and wispy, like the thinnest clouds covering the moon and he grasps at what remains, only to come up with a few images that don’t connect to each other. 

a dark street, cold metal.

time twisting in on itself and breaking down. the meeting of eyes and the flashing omen of years of torment.

his body crumpled on the hard black ground. the looming sense of death he’d had the chance to outrun and had only asked to come to him faster.

his heart cracking like a shattered television screen and his mind going white for the rest of time like some undiscovered stage of intoxication.

screaming.

howling.

back to the beginning and through the flames of hell all over again.

he nearly topples off the edge of his bed reaching for the light on his nightstand and only when its light shines its halo does his heart begin to calm its beating.

before it can ease completely, ash takes a pen out of his drawer, forgoing the paper he also keeps there to write two lines on the skin of the inside of his right arm in a sleepy scrawl:

i’d be howling for you before the shadows drag me under.

nightmares come to haunt him nearly every time he closes his eyes for days after that and the feeling he awakes with is always eerily similar.

it’s the fear of falling and the pain of every bone in his body shattering on impact upon hitting the ground.

he’d heard once on the playground in elementary school that you can’t die in your dreams. it’s a defense mechanism by your brain, they’d claimed with all the haughtiness of a know-it-all fifth grader.

ash knows now they’d been wrong. his mind is only at its most destructive when left unattended.

august 2020.

the nightmare only comes once a month or so now and it’s not something he’d have thought to raise in therapy if there hadn’t been a particularly bad episode where his manager had nearly been driven to swerving off the road by ash gasping awake in the back of the van on a way to a schedule.

she suggests writing down what plagues his mind at night when he can’t sleep, so he records a stream of consciousness that very night.

          - did i lock the door?

          - i hope those girls waiting outside of the building today didn’t find a way to get in.

          - this apartment is too big.

          - i’m lonely.

          - should i call

          - why am i doing this?

he stops.

early september 2020.

he’s so tired. it’s a shot to his ego to admit, but he’s on the verge of tears when the nightmare wakes him again and he’s not sure if it’s because of how much it had rattled him or because he’s been damned to another sleepless night.

ten minutes later, he’s in his kitchen with a glass of water in one hand and his phone in the other, scrolling through his contacts.

he passes by his mom’s number, his dad, hyoyeon’s, miyeon’s, jaewon’s.

he stops at youngjoo’s.

she can’t give him what he needs either, but, god, is he good at shaping her into the illusion of what he wants.

is he, though?

if he is, then why does he feel so lonely all of the time? why does his apartment feel too big and the emptiness inside of his body only grow, despite the fighting to put out the music he wants and taking the leap to go to therapy again and the success he’s seen in his professional life this year?

he’s so tired of searching for coping mechanisms in those who never asked to be used. should he call her and tell her that instead? or would he wake her? interrupt her night with someone who means more to her than he does? would she care at all if he said he can’t do this anymore?

this.

pretending sex means something it can’t? bringing her back between his sheets like a drug he’s sickly accepted his reliance on?

fighting for meaning in a life he can’t shake the feeling doesn’t have much to it at all?

the pain of his teeth presses into his lip and he keeps scrolling to the very end of his contacts where only one character identifies a number he should have deleted a year ago.

if he called, would he take him back? if ash begged and pleaded and apologized and swore he wanted to run away tonight and spend the rest of their lives together and never look back, would he take him back?

if he did, would the emptiness inside of ash finally go away?

it wouldn’t.

ash doesn’t love him anymore. he can’t see forever with him and that’s how he’d gotten here in the first place.

but it’d once been something real, something good, something that made him feel like he had purpose and a chance at happiness and that light in the distant gets fainter and fainter by the day now and he’s trying so damn hard to be better to the world and to himself and to feed that light so he can become one himself, but nights like this, it all feels so useless.

yeah, it's true, true, i'm stuck in the loop losing control, i can't get over in the void, i can't be sober

he switches his glass of water out for drinking vodka straight out of the bottle.

early september 2020.

the song doesn’t get out of his head, even as he tries to beat it back and in a few weeks, he has a rough draft of a track he hadn’t planned on making.

it’s a weird song for him.

it’s not that he’s questioning whether the chord progression is too cliche or if the samples he’s used sound amateur. it’s the entire song, its musical lean and the lyrics that lean more conceptual than he’s used to, that he’s doubting now. they’re open to interpretation, more of a poem than a story, and it reflects the nightmares he’s been having, but he can’t imagine showing the song to himself three years ago and having any idea it was a song he’d written.

he listens nervously to the same track on repeat over and over again, finding small details to change as an excuse to avoid thinking too much about if he’ll have to scrap the song altogether, or worse, send it out and risk the rejection that could come. he’s been rejected time and time again before, but there are only two fates he can see this song meeting: a release in the exact form he sees it having or being resigned to the depths of his computer files forever, never heard by anyone but him. 

it’s different from what he normally does, but not different enough at the same time and that’s what makes him so nervous. he thinks he likes the work he’s done, musically at least, but it’s more experimental than what he’s done before. he hasn’t even had anyone else’s help on crafting the track that he can pass off responsibility to if it’s dubbed entirely amateur, and he doesn’t want to give into the help of anyone else either. this isn’t a song anyone else can touch. it’s his and his alone, and that’s an inflexible fact as set as the rotation of earth or the existence of gravity.

the questions run around in his head as the hi-hats and the dark instrumental rolls into his mind through the dull black headset over his ears while the screen slowly traces farther and farther right on the visual representation of his composition. he’s muted the vocal track so he doesn’t have to pay as much attention to his own voice crooning back at him with a delivery and lyrics he can’t let himself get caught up in if he ever wants to song to have a finished state, and he’s pleased with the instrumental alone.

it’s a little like something he’d create in order to sell it off to someone else who has a more experimental sound, and for a while, he considers the option of never bringing it forth as a possibility for himself. he can try to pass it off to someone else who’s more secure in displaying themselves as a part of this song than ash feels at the moment. no matter how he turns it over in his head, though, for some reason, he can’t bear to do that. this isn’t a song he wants to strip of its personality and give away.

it’s a great piece, honestly. he’s proud of all of the layers to it and how it includes new elements he doesn’t have much experience working with. on the surface, it’s far from the limited acoustic composition and production he’d been so attached to when he’d put out his first album. this is something that he would have never even considered back then, when he was twenty-one and desperate and the music he was releasing was a mirror of twenty-one year-old ash. ash is three years older now—years that have shaped him into a person more in tune with the sound he has in front of him: something a little more unique and a lot darker, jaded and pained and raw. it feels exactly like what he wants to make even beyond the surface changes. it strikes him that even if he stripped the entire instrumental back to a guitar and his voice like he’d been so fond of two years ago, it’d still sound like the ash of today and not the ash of years past, years that feel like whole lifetimes to him—and, in a way, this feels just like twenty-four year old ash. in all the worst ways, perhaps, but twenty-four year old ash nonetheless.

as he considers that idea, a few of the butterflies in his stomach flutter away and leave him with a slightly more peaceful feeling under his skin. he can’t try to shove himself into the safe bubble twenty-one year-old ash had crafted around himself for protection, a thin plastic veneer of false innocence and abject victimhood, doe-eyed, romantic, and lovestruck. ash can still be doe-eyed. he can still be romantic and maybe, with time, he’ll be able to fall back into the vulnerability of being lovestricken, but those don’t need to be the only characteristics with which he defines himself.

if he feels hopeless and broken and dirty, what’s so wrong with putting that into a song? why does it need to be sugar-coated and rose-colored and always, always relatable to everyone and not just himself?

the track loops around.

ash stops it halfway through to unmute the vocal lines of the song and listen to the full track this time, deciding he can’t tear the instrumental alone apart anymore. 

listening back, ash finds himself over-analyzing how well-constructed it is in the eyes of critics. should he soften it? harden it? completely rewrite every word? his own exhale of resignation is blocked out by the dark headset over his ears, but with it comes a contrasting feeling of decisiveness in his chest.

he doesn’t care what anyone else thinks. it could very well be too dramatic, too self-indulgent, too ‘sadboi trap’. for so long, he’s let himself get caught up in the question of what others want from his writing. always, it’s about who he’s writing for. for someone he wants to woo with pretty words of infatuation or executives he wants to please or other producers he wants to impress.

this one is therapy.

this one is for him.

late september 2020.

“are you still having nightmares?”

his therapist asks the question as if she’s wondering what he’d had for dinner last night.

“it’s been a month now. i’m not sure if they’ve decided not to come back or if i never let them leave in the first place.”

[seofine]

GUIDELINES FOR REQUESTS

WHAT I DO:

Fluff 🌼🌹

Angst 😭😡

Adventure ✈️🌍

Sci-fi 👽🔮

AU 🎭🎬

PSA: I CANNOT AND DO NOT WRITE SMUT 😅⛔

FORMAT:

Drabble

Textpost

Bulleted scenario

DETAILS:

Please give me a brief overview of what you might like to happen and if you want it to be a happy or sad ending etc (e.g Simon Dominic angst where he is your boyfriend but you've hit a rough patch in the relationship, sad ending).

If you'd like please refer me to a song you'd like to be part of the request 🎵

I DO NOT write for minors (unless it's a very cute best friend AU or something of that type)

I write for kpop and khh artists

I take requests for both male and female artists, I think I'm slightly better at writing for male though

GROUPS I WRITE FOR:

NCT (U & 127 - please ask me about Dream and WayV and I'll look at the request)

Seventeen

BTS

SF9

Monsta X

Ateez

Stray Kids

Winner

Ikon

Blackpink

Btob

Day6

EXO

Got7

Pentagon

Vixx

SOLO ARTISTS I WRITE FOR:

Jay Park

Sik-K

Simon Dominic

pH-1

Gray

Loco

Code Kunst

Woo Wonjae

Bang Yongguk

Zico

Cai Xukun

Lin Yanjun

Crush

Dean

Millic

Penomeco

Dpr Live

Christian Yu

G.Soul

Giriboy

Hash Swan

Heize

Hoody

Jessi

Kris Wu

Luhan

Huang Zitao

Jung Jaewon

Villain

Samuel Seo

Woodie Gochild

Zelo

Moon Jongup

Zion T

Nafla

Bloo

Loopy

Reddy

YoungB

Wang Yibo

Xiao Zhan

If you're looking for a group or individual and they are not on my list, please ask. I may have accidentally left them off.

I write for other Chinese artists that are not on the list, so please ask! 😉

REMINDERS:

I am only one person so I will do my best but I cannot always guarantee that I can fulfill your request 😢

I will aim to get requests out within a week, however I am a uni student and sometimes it's just not possible 📚

Message me with any questions you have, I'm happy to help! 🥰

If there's anything I haven't covered please ask!

Happy requesting! ☺️

[fyeah-chanyeol]

The Eℓyxion [dot] in Seoul DVD & Photobook; Chanyeol’s Q&A

“On the stage I want to go crazy. When I let go of ‘me’ and leave myself to my instincts, when I bring out the instincts of EXO, I feel an insane amount of delight.” Question: Can you give your thoughts about finishing EXO PLANET #4 - The EℓyXiOn[dot]? Chanyeol: Out of all the various things that we do as EXO, I like concerts the most. Recording, practice, filming dramas, movies, or photoshoots are things that EXO prepares to show to the fans, but concerts are a space where EXO and EXO-L can meet, run around and play together, and interact directly. I really like it because it feels like EXO and EXO-L are becoming one. So I’m very sad when one of our concerts ends. I was very sad when EXO PLANET #4 - The EℓyXiOn[dot] ended too. But because of that I look forward to the next concert, and I think I work even harder to make it more fun. It feels good that as the years go by, it feels as though EXO and EXO-L are fitting together better. Finally, I want to say ‘thank you’ once again to EXO-L. Q: You just performed your fourth concert, can you pick which concert you enjoyed the most? Chanyeol: If we’re talking about the concert I enjoyed the most with me in the spotlight, I would say EXO PLANET #3 - The EXO’rDIUM, but if we’re talking about how complete the concert felt as a whole, I would say EXO PLANET #4 - The EℓyXiOn[dot]. The props and videos on stage, the dancers etc. felt more polished as a whole. We also got to do solo performances, which let us show of our individual charms, which I enjoyed. Q: The ‘Sweet Lies’ rap you performed as part of the EXO PLANET #4 - The EℓyXiOn[dot] was very charming. I feel like it would have been very satisfying to perform a song with rap as the main rapper of the group, how did it feel? Chanyeol: ‘Sweet Lies’ was a song that tormented me. It was very difficult to write the rap lyrics. Because I’m not a bad boy, it was hard to write lyrics about sweet lies, hahaha. It was so stressful that I actually had dreams about writing lyrics. I kept changing them until 10 minutes before we recorded. But overall, I was really pleased at how ‘Sweet Lies’ turned out because I led to a good performance where I could show off a sexy and mature side. I created the stage with the thought of ‘I am a lethal man’ hahaha. Q: You showed off a solo performance for EXO PLANET #4 - The EℓyXiOn[dot] with ‘Nine Hands’, how did you plan this performance? Chanyeol: During out initial concerts I got to show off the things that I like through drumming, playing guitar, and the DJ performance. So for EXO PLANET #4 - The EℓyXiOn[dot] when I was planning the performance I thought a lot about “what would be good on a stage”? The ‘Nine Hands’ performance was less about ‘let’s do a good rap’ and more about ‘let’s show who I was from an EXO trainee up until now’. While I was creating music with director Shim Jaewon, the lyrics of ‘when you’re fatigued hold tight onto the hands of all eight of us’ came to be, and that became the centre of the song ‘Nine Hands’ Q: During a reported interview, you said that when you were writing the lyrics to ‘Nine Hands’ and even when you were performing it, you thought a lot about the members and the fans, what did you mean? Chanyeol: ‘Nine Hands’ is very much a story about me. Whenever I was fatigued the EXO members would pat me on the head, and I gained strength from feeling their warmth. I think that it’s not just with me, everybody has points in their lives when they go through hardships. It’s important to have someone next to you when this happens. Because if just one person is there to support and comfort you, you feel as though you can get through any hardship. I felt that I could get through tough times without falling thanks to the EXO members and EXO-L. Because EXO-L are members of EXO too. Q: I feel as though you would have not been able to feel happiness during your debut compared to now as a successful singer, do you think you’re happier now than you were back then? Chanyeol: I think the standards of happiness differ. When I had just debuted, it was very hard physically. I barely had any days to rest, and I wasn’t sure how EXO would mature as a group. But I was young then. I had the firm belief of ‘it will be okay’, and I was happy at the simple fact that I would do music. I would have been happy with a simple spinning top. But now, as a singer of 7 years, I feel a lot more responsibility and pressure. I miss being able to write lyrics happily without any worries, like I did when I was younger. Q: During EXO PLANET #4 - The EℓyXiOn[dot] you displayed a duet performance ‘We Young’ with Sehun, when you were practicing with Sehun what was your fondest memory? Chanyeol: We were resting in our dormitory when I heard this ‘thud thud’ sound. Sehun was practicing ‘We Young’ while dripping in sweat. I joined in and we both practiced ‘We Young’ for over 2 hours while sweating. I remember that moment. We used to always say ‘we should make a cool performance together’ to each other, so to be able to show such a performance during the concert made me really happy. Q: You also had a duet performance with DO. When DO sang ‘For Life’, you played the piano, which was very impressive. How long did you practice for that stage? Chanyeol: I didn’t feel too pressured because it was a performance about DO’s singing, not my piano playing. I only thought ‘let’s not get in the way of DO’, so I tried very hard when playing the piano. Q: How was it hearing DO’s voice while playing the piano? Chanyeol: DO’s voice is always grand. When I first heard the demos for ‘For Life’ and ‘Sing For You’ I thought ‘if DO sang that in English it would sound much better’, and he must have had the same thought too. One day he suddenly said “should I download the ‘For Life’ MR and sing it in English?” and I couldn’t stop myself from saying “it would suit you!” Q: During the last concert EXO PLANET #3 - The EXO’rDIUM you showed off a guitar performance, do you think between the guitar and the piano, which instrument holds more charm? Chanyeol: I think for performances, piano just can’t beat guitar. I tend to prefer band music, and I’ve always liked the lead guitarist the most no matter what band it was. The movement is also much freer compared to piano or drums. I still go back to the video of me playing electric guitar from EXO PLANET #3 - The EXO’rDIUM and watch it again. I’m still satisfied at my guitar performance that day. It’s my ‘life video’. Q: Compared to your initial concert you coordinated the stage with your dance team, how was that? Chanyeol: It was fun. It was fun while preparing the concert, and it was great to be able to do an international performance with the dance team, which is like family to us. They helped us fill up a large stage, and visually it was a much more dynamic performance. It was great to both give and receive energy from the dancers on stage. We also didn’t want to lose to their level of energy, so we ended up performing even harder. Even during parts where we would have stored some of our energy, we didn’t want to lose to the dance team so we tried even harder and sweat so much. I feel like watching the heat of the dancers brought something out in me. Q: During the concert, the EDM section became much more cut down and the huge DJ booth disappeared. I feel like because you more or less led the entire section, it was a shame to see it go. How was it? Chanyeol: I wasn’t ashamed at all. I felt that the EDM section needed changing. The EDM section was good at raiding the heat on the stage, but I didn’t want to show a similar repertoire over and over again. So it wasn’t just me, but all the EXO members together, that suggested to director Shim Jaewon, that we should reduce the scale of the EDM section. During EXO PLANET #4 - The EℓyXiOn[dot], it was fun to see the completion of an EDM section that was different to the initial concert. Q: During the concert, you usually play the role of talking to EXO-L. “shall we play?”, “everybody scream!”, “shall we go crazy?” are some of the things you say, what sort of interaction are you having with the fans when you say this? Chanyeol: Yes. I wanted the entire audience of EXO PLANET #4 - The EℓyXiOn[dot] to go home thinking “wow, that was so much fun, I had such a good time”. I feel like if I want them to feel satisfied without any regrets, I need to give them energy. So I try to commune with them by shouting even louder. Q: When you’re talking to EXO-L on the stage your voice always raises by about two tones. Are you raising your voice in hopes of trying to become even closer with Exo-L? Chanyeol: To be honest it’s really hard to talk with my voice raised like that. It’s really hard to say ‘lets jump together’ while performing. Because I’m shouting during the parts where I should be breathing. Even so, when I’m talking I try to raise my voice to try and get my words across more clearly. The stadium is very large so if I talk to the audience at a regular volume they can’t hear me as well. So when I talk more loudly my energy comes across more. I feel as though the tone of my voice can control the temperature of the audience. When you’re listening to music and playing it’s easy to become loose during the speaking segments, but if I raise my voice by even one tone I can carry the tension through. Q: During concerts you sometimes use the expression ‘going crazy.’ You say ‘shall we go crazy?’. What does it mean to go crazy on stage? Chanyeol: You’re placing down the concept of ‘me’ and trusting yourself to the music, without worrying about the person next to you, without thinking about what you look like and being caught in a trance, I think that’s what it means to ‘go crazy’. Being excited and playing based on your instincts, that��s when you say you’re going crazy. Q: You like to mess around with EXO-L, especially with Baekhyun. Particularly you would copy EXO-L singing ‘Universe’. Do you mess around with EXO-L in the hopes of getting them to laugh one more time? Chanyeol: It’s not particularly intending ‘let’s make EXO-L laugh’, I’m just naturally very playful. I don’t have a strong sense of wanting to be funny on the stage, but there are times on stage where a screw goes loose and I joke around. Q: During the speaking segments the part where you copy Baekhyun’s moves in a ‘capture dance’ was also funny. Do you often copy members dancing? Chanyeol: I tend to observe EXO member’s performances deeply. And I often hang around backstage copying member performances. The EXO members like my capture dances. That day Baekhyun’s last pose was very impactful, so we were talking about it, and I naturally copied him. That wasn’t me thinking ‘I should show off the capture dance’, but before I could think about it I was joking around like that. Q: When DO was filming with a shaved head he asked “will it be okay?”. You replied “I think it will be weird any way I look at it”. “It doesn’t look bad, does it?”, what was your reply? Chanyeol: I said “it’s bad”. It’s funny, what could I do about that? Hahaha. I still think I did a good job not overreacting to it. Truthfully, I kind of felt admirable that DO could remain so calm in that situation. I could have never done that. If that were me, I would have worn a wig or a hat, hahaha. Q: During the encore stage you said “I often think of the first, second, and third concerts”. You said particularly that you think about EXO PLANET #3 - The EXO’rDIUM. What parts do you think about? Chanyeol: It wouldn’t be an over-exaggeration if I said that EXO PLANET #3 - The EXO’rDIUM was the concert that matured me. I figured out how to commune with the fans, and it was the concert that created my ‘life video’, the performance of me playing the guitar. Everything from the concert stage to the crowd reaction stays fresh in my memory. Q: You also said “I had something to say, but I must have forgotten it”. Do you often think of what to say beforehand? Chanyeol: I don’t particularly prepare speeches beforehand. It was just that when the EXO members were talking on stage I was thinking ‘I should say something about this’, but when it came to my turn, one of the members asked me a question and I forgot what I wanted to say. Q: Another thing, you said “I was watching all the EXO-Ls while on the stage, and I feel proud that you’re having so much fun”, what are EXO-Ls like from up on the stage? When are you proud? Chanyeol: When I see the EXO-L ‘go crazy’, hahaha. Like I said before, I’m happiest when I see EXO-L ‘go crazy’ without paying attention to who’s around them and enjoying the songs and dancing. When I say ‘everybody scream!’ EXO-L replies by cheering. In those moments I think that I’m not performing, but communing with the fans. I don’t perform to try and look cool, but to try and make the people watching happy. Q: What was the most impressive moment of your fans during EXO PLANET #4 - The EℓyXiOn[dot]? Chanyeol: During the ‘Drop That’ performance EXO and EXO-L both jump and play together. That moment sticks with me the most. And when they sung for us before the encore performance, that was very touching too. Even when I’m feeling down in the waiting room, when I hear that song I jump straight up on instinct. In an instant I feel like I’m being charged with energy and I think ‘I have to go back onto the stage’. It’s touching not only visually, but audibly as well. Q: What are EXO-Ls to EXO? Chanyeol: EXO-L are EXO’s friend and family. EXO and EXO-L are one. We Are One! Translation by fyeah-chanyeol (Please take out with full credits)