#this is soooo subtle Alex

[best-enemies]

I have watched Red, White and Royal Blue twice now and i'm past that scene on the book so nothing can convince me that Henry didn't invite Alex to the polo match just so he could show off his riding abilities if you know what I'm talking about

[rowanisawriter]

two questions! 1) any movie recommendations?? 2) also is there anything you'd really like to try or wish you had tried when you had the chance?

thank you!!!

1) one of my favorite movies ever is never let me go, it’s written and directed by alex garland who i LOVE and is a very understated and subtle sci-fi romance story, the muted colors and soft piano soundtrack, the quietly devastating acting, the simple story, it’s all stuck with me since i watched it years and years ago, i think about it soooo often and highly highly recommend 😭

2) i’m moving to a big city out west next year and there’s a mountain there that i would like to get close to lol i’ve never considered myself an active person but i love being outside and i like walking a lot, and i really wanna try hiking under the shadow of a mountain 🏔️

[flythesail]

hiii it’s me again!! just finished s1 of nancy drew with so many thoughts and feelings!!! (you said report back so i hope this isn’t too much)

you were so right that nace is the slow burn. the LOOKS (ace in the background of so many scenes … oh my god) and the subtle buildup !!!! it’s a great foundation for them and the way they complement each other is lovely. it’s giving he fell first she fell harder. i am seated and ready but oh my god they better figure their shit out by the end of this show PLEASE

i’m loving the world building so far and am dying to know more about hb and the history of all the supernatural stuff. the group dynamic is really well done and i was really impressed with how funny it is!

favorite moments so far:

ace breaking carson out of jail

hiding lucy’s bones at the claw

nancy confronting carson about her birth

ace and nancy at the library

plantanchors

george confronts ryan about their relationship

HI!!!! (Definitely not too much.)

S1 nace is EVERYTHING TO ME!!!!! And rewatching it's crazy to see how much you can find there. Although the writers weren't for sure going that direction yet, Kennedy and Alex did not hold back.

The Drew Crew is easilyyyy a best part of the show. They all bring something different so no matter who you have on screen you have an interesting dynamic. If you're loving Horseshoe Bay and all the stuff there, there's SO MUCH good stuff to come. S2 is actually my favorite season, and in s4 the storyline is very HB-focused.

Lol Ace breaking Carson out of prison is the funniest thing ever. He had to help out his future wife!

1x16 is one my absolute top episodes. The whole sequence when Tamura shows up and they're all hiding the bones is comedy gold. But then in true Nancy Drew fashion, you have a really emotional aspect to the episode too when Nancy finds out about Lucy.

LIBRARY SCENE!!!!!! That's where I started shipping them.

Bess and Ace's relationship is just soooo 🥺🥺🥺 I'll love them forever.

Ryan and George is one of those things where I'm like whyyy would you include that. But that scene is well done. Leah has a lot of good scenes like that where she nails a monologue.

I hope you like s2!!!! I mentioned it's my favorite, and it really is one of those seasons where it's just iconic episode after iconic episode. A lot of bottle episodes too so the character development you get from that is awesome.

[inourownshadows]

hello dear! :) sorry to bother you, i'm a huge milex fan, i have a side blog called younaughtyturtle (check it out if you want) i just read that you've been in contact with miles and you've shared a kiss. I'm not going to ask you about your private stuff, I just want to know if you know (or miles told you) if alex and miles are still in touch because knowing that would make me happy Again, sorry to disturb you and i'm not english so I may have made some mistakes <3

Hiii! Miles didn’t directly tell me but we do share inner joke about Milex:) The joke is during Blame it on the summertimes, when he sang the line “why are you gonna be so straight”, he would always smiled at me or blew a subtle kiss to me because that line is soooo straight innit?;) And it kept going until the last time I met him, the Manchester Christmas gig, and after the gig I asked him to say Merry Christmas and happy New Year to Alex. And I have given him a lot of stuff about Milex, even once a ring with their name on it. (It’s before the Christmas gig and we are all good after that so I suppose he’s happy with it;) So yes I do think they are still in touch!:))))))

[bisexualalienblast]

Alex + staring at Michael’s lips

[daisiesforlacey]

The Costuming and Coloring of JATP : Part 1 - Julie Molina

I’ve seen so many of these posts and I wanted to make my own! I love costuming and color theory in film and I thought I’d do my own take on jatp! Please keep in mind that I am by no means an expert and this is only my thoughts, and feel free to add your own interpretations and thoughts :)

Heads up this is a super long post (I won’t be coving all of Julie’s outfits, only the ones that have significant meaning)

And none of this could have been possible without Soyon An, the costume designer of jatp! All referenced quotes and information for her can be found here, here, and here

One of the main difficulties of costume design is having the clothing fit the period, tone of the piece, and the character. The characters have to wear the clothes, not the other way around. Who is this person? What are their conflicts? How do they look at the world? What do they value? How do they grow? Just some examples of what good costume designers ask. 

They can also be used as a subtle tool to show who each character is; how we dress is a reflection of ourselves.

JULIE MOLINA:

Ok so we all know she is an absolute queen with AMAZING fits, even from the start of the show! I’m going to go chronologically, just to make it easier on all of us!

Julie starts off the series in a baggy yellow sweatshirt over her blue and white shirt, her painted jeans, fluffy slippers, and a set of necklaces! (Actually we first see her at school, where she wearing a flannel instead of the sweatshirt, but the same concepts apply) This already gives us A TON of information on her!!

Her necklaces include a Virgin Mary pendant, a nod to her heritage and religion and one of her own name, which we can assume is a gift from someone special to her

She puts on the sweatshirt after she gets home and bombed playing in front of her class. Idk about you, but I always want to wear sweatshirts and comfy clothes whenever I feel down, so I infer that that is what Julie is doing! 

There is also something to be said about the visual irony between bright yellow smiley face on the front and Julie’s own grieving

(Also can I just say that I love that Julie is allowed to be a teen and wear silly slippers because their comfortable clothes. I am so tried of teenagers being over sexualized and as a brown girl myself, it’s wonderful to see these multidimensional non white characters!)

Her own painted jeans, (also pretty baggy) and sneakers as said by Soyon An, are painted by Julie! (We also see her creativity later when drawing a cupcake on her mic for Luke’s bday, but that’s another post)

Her creativity seems to have no bounds, and it’s obvious that from the start that this is how she expresses herself!

If you want to get really analytical, one could say that the bright yellow covering up her blue collar could show how Julie herself is trying to cover up her own sadness

The blue and yellow also come up in another scene of hers with Luke, but that is another post entirely

JUST FROM HER CLOTHES ALONE WE, THE VIEWERS, ALREADY SUBCONCIOUSLY KNOW SOOOO MUCH ABOUT JULIE:

She’s most likely Catholic and cherishes her religion and family

She’s not feeling too confident in herself

She’s crazy creative and talented

She’s trying to mask some sort of sadness

ISN’T THAT INSANE??? A TELL TALE SIGN OF A GOOD COSTUMER!

Julie then moves to plaid pants and a cropped lavender blouse (Which I absolutely adore!!!) 

She has just met the boys, and Luke gave her that little pep talk in front of the studio and is now wearing form fitting clothes!

DON’T TWIST THIS: She’s wearing these clothes because she now feels more confident in herself and is ready to sit down and play Wake Up

Julie is wearing more subdued colors; the focus isn’t on her outfit, that’s not where the color is. The color is lighting Julie from behind. The focus of the moment is Julie and her music.

You’ll also notice the lighting behind her shifts from the cold early morning, to the sun rising behind her, again, very poetic. The sun is literally rising on Julie and it is a new dawn for her, and the start of the show itself

Not to mention Wake Up which is literally about moving forward and... waking up lol

This is maybe one of my favorite performance outfits of her! (Who am I kidding, all of them are my favorite)

Julie is wearing a camo jumpsuit with patches and her signature sneakers

The patches, once again, show us that Julie is creative in many ways along with her shoes

I love that all of her outfits seem like the average person could make them and wear them. Yet, these characters are still teenagers and are discovering their own personal style, which can be sort of outlandish. It really works to ground the show in reality with all of the kooky happenings

Julie is once again wearing her necklaces, and we can infer that she wears them all of the time

In this outfit (with an added Double Trouble tshirt underneath), she also sings Flying Solo. The jumpsuit is a reflection of her friendships with the guys and Flynn!

And this outfit with Bright??? Chefs kiss. This is the subtle characterization I live for!

Julie’s actress, Madison Reyes’, mother is in the armed forces. She and Soyon wanted an outfit to pay homage to her, and I think the camo works perfectly

By this time we already have a good grasp on who Julie is

Julie is wearing a neon blue leotard, silver white pants, fishnets, her drawn on white sneakers and a rainbow chunky sequin cloak. She also find a drum major’s cape from the music room. She has her hair in the same cornrowed way as she does in Stand Tall, with pink, red, and blue ribbons.

While I may be jumping the gun this early in the post, I love this detail. This is her fantasy which ends up coming true in the final number and that is just beautiful

Julie’s fantasy outfit in I Got the Music is so extra and wonderful

This is Julie’s idealized self; it is bright and unapologetic and you can’t help but notice her. The outfit is purposefully outlandish and completely unrealistic

This is the first thing that clues you in that this is a fantasy; she does a quick change from her previous outfit. You can also see that her trio of necklaces aren’t there.

She keeps some elements from her actual school outfit, the pants and presumably the leotard, they just get an upgrade

Ok now onto the breakdown:

These are her school colors

This is the first time we see Julie in blue since the first episode. So far, we have seen her in muted tones. This time the blue is vibrant. This signals to the viewers that she is not hiding anymore and has almost reclaimed the color

Soyon specifically said she wanted a hood for Julie such as the Virgin Mary is traditionally depicted with a head covering

Julie is wearing her school colors loud and proud with a cropped LFHS reddish hoodie, underneath is a bright blue leotard, a blue belt, and white distressed jeans and fishnets

Julie is now fully in her element and has formed a band with the boys!!! Woohoo!

If you recall, in this episode, Julie also interacts the most with Carrie and Nick up until now; the two characters rooted in her school life.

Most everything I said in the previous section is here too, just a little toned down.

One thing that I see in this outfit is that she’s wearing a little bit of the boys’ themes; Luke’s blue, Reggie’s red, and Alex’s denim and grey. 

This is also the day that she gets into the conflict with the boys, they go to Bobby’s to get revenge, lie to her, and bail on the dance. I see this as them becoming closer and then falling farther apart.

Julie is also wearing fishnets and socks, which mirrors Dirty Candi’s performance of Wow. This is a wonderful detail to show that the two aren’t so different after all.

I love this outfit and I will forever be mad that we never got to see her perform in it

Julie is wearing her mothers mesh tie dye top, a black tank top, and loose black striped pants

THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT: This is the first time we see her wear her mother’s clothes, a physical representation of her coming to terms with her mother’s death!!!

This is also when Flynn comes up with Julie and the Phantoms, another big milestone. This is when they were supposed to make a mark on her school

(Ofc we all know this is when the boys bail...)

The next day, Julie is wearing a powder blue floral dress, sneakers, with a white t shirt and a cream colored cropped fluffy jacket (this is most aligned with my aesthetic)

Again, this shows that she is experimental with her clothes

 It is also worth noting that Soyon does a good job with establishing that she is a sneaker head, I mean have you seen her kicks????

Now is a good time to talk about character colors: good media will establish a color per character. This helps viewers easily distinguish who they are and how they connect to others. Characters may wear these colors a lot or have significant moments in these colors

The colors also have their own meanings which apply (we’ll look more into this in the Stand Tall dress)

Luke is blue, Julie is purple (as we will see later on), Alex is pink, and Reggie is Red

When characters wear another character’s color it signals to us that they will be having a ‘moment’ with the other character (getting along after fighting, learning something new, etc.)

Alternatively, if a character is wearing colors opposite to another, you know they will clash

In this episode, Julie goes to Luke’s house and learns more about him and Emily AND SHES’S WEARING HIS BLUE!!! BIG MOMENT!!!

ONCE YOU NOTICE COLOR IN FILM, YOU CAN LEARN TO PREDICT WHERE THE STORY IS GOING. THESE ARE SOME HELPFUL HINTS:

Notice a character’s colors and when another character wears them, they will be having a ‘moment’

If the color in the scene isn’t on the character, the focus isn’t on them, maybe it’s on the emotions of the scene or other characters

Colors WILL signify emotions; yellow is happy, blue can be sad or calming depending on the shade, red can be passion or anger. If a character wears a lot of one color, you can predict their emotions

Ok no hate, this is definitely not my favorite outfit. It gives me mad Shake It Up vibes, not that that’s bad, just not my thing.

Julie performs Finally Free in a teal and black dress/shirt, silver biker short, a black vest, and arm bands

It has been confirmed by Charlie and Madison that this is when Luke realizes he like Julie, which makes sense as you see that she is wearing blue (She will now start wearing more of these cool tones)

She is also wearing arm bands, something Luke does often

Her vest is also the same one as the girl from the beginning, which we all know by now is Rose, her mother!

She has upcycled the vest and added her own special twists to it! It also helps for us to see connection between Rose and performing

You can also see a dahlia pin, her mother’s favorite flower. These often make an appearance! (They’re also purple)

It’s Edge of Great Time!! This is maybe the most iconic outfit!

Julie performs in a white blouse with butterflies, her hair also with butterfly clips, her pants are constructed beautifully with black and white panels. She finished the outfit with black and white combat boots and more butterflies!

Soyon specifically said that the butterflies represent Julie coming out of her cocoon and coming into herself, like a butterfly would!

This is truly her most powerful and performance worthy outfit and sucks all of the attention to her

Julie’s clean contrast of black and white also make her stand out from the rest of the band! The combination is often a symbol of power and truth! (Think judges robes)

Time to get some tissues, Unsaid Emily, it’s your turn!

This is what I consider Julie’s most average and basic outfit, but there is a lot to analyze here: A magenta sweater and jeans.

This sweater is her mothers; meaning it is probably a comforting item for her, seeing as she is about to have a very emotional moment, calling back to that yellow sweater in the beginning!

Also see how this has blue, pink, and red designs, and I’m sure by now you can tell what I am going to say: These are the guys colors! 

She’s going to have a heartfelt moment involving them, and it fits. This is one of the emotional climax’s of the show and this is when she becomes even closer with the Phantoms

You can tell, just from her standing on the steps of Luke’s house what is about to go down (Well maybe not all of the tears, but still)

Julie goes to check on the guys in the studio in a blue floral shirt and blue jeans

These are once again, Luke’s colors, but are slowly becoming THEIR colors. She wears these when she is saying goodbye to her best friends

This is also the outfit that Julie’ wears when she finds them after the performance and they haven’t crossed over. 

It makes perfect sense that she is wearing all blue when SHE AND LUKE HUG!!! (And then all of the boys too in the best group hug ever)

Of course we’re gonna end the post with this absolutely ICONIC outfit!

Julie is wearing a purple dress with purple tulle, a bedazzled leather jacket, and her hair IN THE SAME STYLE AS I GOT THE MUSIC!!!

Lets go one by one:

The dress is a Balmain dress that Soyon got for $500, then she completely deconstructed it and made it to fit Madison! that’s incredible

This is the climax of the show: the boy are ‘doing their unfinished business,’ Julie is playing the Orpheum, and what color is she wearing but PURPLE! What color are dahlias? PURPLE! What color has had the most significance? PURPLE! What do red, blue, and pink make up? PURPLE! PURPLE IS JULIE’S CHARACTER COLOR

You’ll also notice that her jacket has pink, red, and blue accents, the colors of Alex, Reggie and, Luke, to show that they have become a part of her and she is now a part of them

That’s the same for her hair

It shows how she has now achieved her dream, her make believe world is now her reality

I really think we’ll see more of Julie in purple in the seasons to come, now that she has found herself

I hope that you all have learned a little about color and costuming in this post! Once you get the hang of it, it becomes really fun, like a puzzle!

I hope to do more of these with the rest of the characters as well!

Feel free to add on your own ideas and interpretations!

[doc-pickles]

Jo finds out she's pregnant in 14x24 and her dress doesn't fit

Has this been half written in my drafts for weeks? Maybe... but I finally got around to finishing it today soooo you’re welcome friends. Have fun.

She doesn’t realize it at first, at least not consciously. Once she registers exactly what’s happening though everything seems to fall into place. Her excessive fatigue and missing period that she’d chalked up to pre wedding stress, a light headed feeling that she assumed was from standing too long during surgeries, tender breasts and decreased appetite that she’d simply pushed to the side. Now though, as she stood in her bridal suite with Meredith tugging desperately at the zipper on the back of her wedding dress, she had figured everything out.

“Stop! It’s not going to zip no matter how hard you tug it,” Jo’s thoughts trail off as an undeniable feeling of nausea overwhelms her body. “Oh god.”

Before she can stop herself or even think to move Jo is leaning forward and vomiting straight on to the soles of the expensive silver heels she’d bought herself. She can hear Meredith shriek in disgust as she leaps away from her, Jo’s hands falling to her knees as she leans over and wills herself not to throw up again no matter how desperately her body wants to. The door to the room bursts open and she’s sure she’s a sight to see with her dress unzipped and vomit all over her shoes. Her stomach flips and she can tell she’s going to be sick again, but Meredith places a trash can in front of her and a broad hand rests on her exposed back before she has a chance to ruin her shoes even more.

“Jesus Christ what’d you do to her Mer,” Alex’s voice is accusing as he runs his hand up and down Jo’s back in a soothing motion. “Get out! I’m sure she doesn’t want you all gawking at her while she’s sick.”

Jo’s thankful that the room is clear now as her body lurches forward again and more of her breakfast reappears in front of her. Alex wraps an arm around her shoulders and helps her onto the couch, letting her drop her head against his shoulder once she’s done being sick.

“What, did you get cold feet already,” Alex chuckles as he runs his fingers through her hair, her eyes closing at the comforting feeling. “Seriously, what’s wrong? Are you nervous? Cause you seemed fine this morning.”

Jo shakes her head, the hint of a smile playing onto her lips, “You’re gonna laugh.”

“You threw up onto your shoes an hour before our wedding, what could possibly be funny about that?”

“I’m pretty sure that I’m pregnant,” Jo lifts her head from Alex’s shoulder to take in the shocked expression she’s sure he has. Instead, he’s grinning back at her barely suppressing his laughter. “I told you you’d laugh!”

“You’re kidding right? You’re actually just super hungover and you’re trying to trick me.”

Jo shook her head, joining in Alex’s laughter as he buried his face in her neck. His beard tickled the soft skin he was nuzzled against, lips ghosting over her neck as he spoke, “When the hell did this happen? I thought you were on the pill.”

“I manipulated my pills so I wouldn’t be even more stressed out for the surgical innovation contest,” Jo threaded her fingers through Alex’s hair as his lips continued to press against her neck. “But I must’ve messed up. I mean I could be wrong, I haven’t taken a test yet. But I’ve been exhausted lately and I missed my period, among other things. Plus my stupid dress won’t zip up.”

“Well,” Alex finally pulled himself away from her neck, a crooked grin glowing on his cheeks as he looked her over. “I’m sure Kepner, the most prepared woman in the world, probably has a test stashed away somewhere. And she can probably help with your dress too.”

Jo bit her lip as Alex watched her. Of course she wanted a baby, especially one with the man who would be her husband before the end of the day. However, she couldn’t help but feel like this might’ve come at a terrible time. She wouldn’t be able to go to Mass Gen, she’d have to balance being a fellow with being a mother, and she’d probably be on an opposite schedule from Alex. Head swirling with her overwhelming thoughts, Jo barley noticed Alex’s hands as they came up to cup her cheeks.

“Stop overthinking things. Let’s sort out whether or not you’re actually pregnant first, then we can go get married and figure everything else out later,” Alex pressed a tender kiss to her forehead, letting Jo lean back into his embrace. “Unfortunately I don’t think that even Kepner will be able to fix those shoes for you.”

+

“For the longest time, ferry boats made me sad.”

Jo honestly couldn’t believe how the day had panned out. If you had told her even a week ago that the perfect wedding day that April had planned for her would end with her standing on a ferry boat at sunset wearing Alex’s boots she would’ve laughed.

“But from now on, I will look at them the way my husband did. I will see the beauty. I will see the wind, the air, the sea, the motion. I will see the possibility because of the two of you.”

The whole day had been ridiculous, from finding out she was pregnant to missing their original ceremony because she’d been sick to having to wear Alex’s boots because her shoes were covered in vomit. But now as she stood across from Alex, ready to finally tie the knot in front of all of their friends, she couldn’t be more pleased with how the day had gone.

“I have never seen two people bring out better in each other. And if the two of you can take this day and turn it into lemonade, then you can do anything.”

Both Alex and Jo chuckled at that, knowing that not many people that stood around them knew exactly what they’d gone through that day. Alex squeezed Jo’s hand, a subtle reminder that if they could get through today they could tackle anything that was heading their way in the coming months.

“So, Alex Karev, do you want to marry Jo Wilson?”

“I do.”

“Jo Wilson, do you want to marry Alex Karev?”

“I super do.”

Without waiting for Meredith’s next words Alex swooped down to capture Jo in a breathtaking kiss. When they pulled apart Alex held her close to him, his fingers trailing over her stomach as the two shared in their secret. The sounds of their friends cheering around them faded out as Jo relished in the fact that she was finally married to the love of her life.

[litwitlady]

FINALLY found the sleepy prompts list! As you are soooo good with fluffy, sweet Malex, I'd love to see you do #1 or #37 for them if you're still taking prompts!

#1 - The bed is cold without you.

It’s midnight. And Alex is lonely. He reaches for his phone and sends a text.

The bed is cold without you.

He smiles knowing the response he’s sure to get. A few seconds later his phone vibrates, and the display screen lights up. But it flashes a name he did not expect to see.

Michael Guerin.

His stomach drops. He considers not opening the text at all. He considers telling Michael he’s drunk and oops! He considers moving to Antarctica. The drunk option sounds best so he arms himself with its potential and clicks the text conversation open.

Alex: The bed is cold without you.

Michael: Are you drunk?

Alex’s heart rate starts to slow down. Of course Michael would take the text as it was intended – a massive mistake. Which is a huge relief – also incredibly sad.

Alex: I wish. Just clumsy fingers. It’s late and I’m tired. Sorry.

Michael: Forrest not around?

He considers not answering the question. Decides there’s no point in silence.

Alex: No – out of town.

Michael: You should have gone with him. Taken a break.

Forrest had asked him to do just that. And he’d easily said no. Told himself it was because he didn’t want to take that much time off work. But the real answer is much more complicated.

Michael: Where did he go?

Alex: Boston.

Michael: Boston seems cool. I can picture you there – walking through all that history with the little nerd by your side.

Alex can picture that image too. And it’s great. But there’s an even better version – the one with Michael by his side – which he refuses to admit out loud. The real answers always much more complicated. And heartbreaking.

Alex: I’ll get there one day. Do you ever want to travel? I mean – on Earth – not just to the stars.

That’s as close as he’s willing to get to the truth. A subtle hint. A dash of hope.  

Michael: Maybe. But not by myself. Maybe I’ll find a history nerd of my own. 😉

No one responds for one minute, two minutes – fifteen. Alex has written and re-written what he wants to say. But he can’t find the courage to press send.

Michael: You still there?

Alex: Yeah. I was just trying to picture you in Boston with Forrest and it was…weird. Haha.

Michael: The Forrests of the world have better taste than messy cowboys. Glad the Alexs – Alexes? – of the world are finally catching up. 😊

The dumb emoji does nothing to balm the way his chest tightens at Michael’s words.

Alex: Seems to me it’s the Michaels of the world who moved on first.

Does he dare click send? Like a devil on his shoulder, the moonlight slants across the screen, luring his finger to see through its brutal bidding. The message gets sent.

Michael doesn’t respond. Twenty minutes tick by. Alex sighs and gives up. Places his phone back on the charger, switching his lamp off and curling up under his duvet.

His phone rings. It’s Michael.

Alex answers on the fourth ring. ‘Hey.’

‘For the record, the Michaels of the world are idiots and liars. They are also shit at apologies. But they are very, very sorry.’

They talk long into the night. As friends. As friends who will one day soon be more. And Alex’s bed grows warmer with each passing minute.

When they finally end the call, the sun is already high overhead. Before he says goodbye, Alex reveals that Forrest is moving to Boston. And that they are no longer together. Not in any real way. Michael waits a beat. Then says, ‘Okay.’ And they hang-up.

Five minutes pass.

Michael: Breakfast at the Crashdown?

Alex: See you in an hour.

[zombifish]

"You're jealous aren't you?" "I'm not jealous."

To say Adrian was jealous was an understatement. Not that he would admit it- no not in a hundred years, but he was in fact jealous. Jealous that Luka was hitting on his very good friend Marinette. He didn’t know why but his bones were screaming with jealousy every time they were close together. 

As for him being subtle about it…

Think, wearing white to a wedding and tossing red wine on the bride, kind of subtle. And it seems everyone has realized that fact except Adrian and Marinette themselves. 

And yes Alex has started a betting pool, it’s currently at a solid one hundred euro, and steadily rising by the day. 

The only reason why anyone hasn’t said anything yet is that they want their sweet sunshine child to figure it out for himself, but it’s been two weeks! If this goes any further they just might have to intervene.

Yes, Intervene and ruin what might have been a tremendous eye-opening lesson to the socially inept blond… on second thought- no-no that would be too cruel, time for some bro action, and Nino is the best bro around. 

“Hey bro, whatcha up to?” 

“Oh hey Nino nothing much just trying to do my homework” the blond responded in his usual happy tone. At the moment the two were at the park. Adrian had a photoshoot and was doing his math homework in between shoots. Nino just so happened to be nearby when he spotted his friend. 

“Ha, almost forgot about that, good thing it's not due till later am I right?” the DJ jokes, causing the model to laugh. From there the two chatted away about anything and everything- and when Adrian asked how he and Alya were doing he saw the perfect moment.  

“Things between me and Al are perfect, but I got to ask man, are you interested in anyone?” Nino wigged his eyebrows to try and make this seem as jovial as possible. To his credit, the blond blushed and sputtered a little. 

“N-no! At least I don’t think so? I-i mean-”

“Bummer, *gasp* what about Marinette?! I’ve seen the way you look at her you’ve so got a thing for her dude!” 

“M-MARINETTE?! B-but she’s just a friend!”   

‘Just a friend my ass”

“Besides isn’t she with Luka? Even if I did have feelings for her I wouldn’t what to get in the way of their relationship- that would be wrong!”    

Nino looked him dead in the eye and tipped back laughing.   

“Dude they aren’t dating”

“What” 

“Ya bro, they aren’t dating. Buut if you don’t step in and ask her out they just might~”  

“What makes you think I want to date Marinette anyway she-” 

“-just a friend, I know, but dude you gotta admit you deen looking her way more often these days, especially when Luka’s around!” 

Adrian scoffed “no I do not” he mumbled his flusteredness having worn off. The light dust of pink was still present though. That’s when Nino hit him with the ‘J boom’.

“You’re jealous aren’t you?” He teased   

“I am not jealous” Adrian defend 

“Adrian, my man I’ve seen the way you look at her, and just how much you brighten up when she in the same room you soooo got a thing for Marinette its glaringly obvious- in fact, how do you feel every time you see out every day ladybug with Luka?”  

How he felt when Luka was with Marinette? What kind of question was that! It’s not like he wants to bat the musician away every time he’s near no totally not! Or go all Cat Noir him ether and whisk his princess away. And he totally wouldn’t do everything he possibly could just to see that bright smile-

Oh, oh no 

“Shit,” Adrian said, realizing just how bad down he had it.  

“Welcome to reality Adrian, it’s not easy but it’s whatever”       

[thinkingaboutyoungroyals]

Thoughts on “Pearl Next Door”’s first episode:

My expectations were met for this show! And I like the format, it feels like we're watching a vlog and, in a way, it kind of is since Pearl is a vlogger. I thought that was really fun and very creative! 

 It looks like I'll be torn on who I'd end up shipping her with. 

I was soooo curious about Karleen before and it's nice to finally put a face and a personality to the name. I was so set in shipping them already before she even appeared but her bipobia is, understandably, disheartening. However, I feel like there’s something deeper there in her past that made her so scared to take a chance. So, we’ll have to see where she goes. 

But, I'm also so curious about Alex! She seems like the fun and risk-taker type who would leap and shoot her shot (kind of like Gav, when I think about it) whereas Karleen is more reserved and safe. 

Really excited to see how their personalities play out with Pearl's bubbliness! 

And it was nice to see the subtle references back to “Gameboys”. 

I’m still trying to pinpoint where in the timeline it’s currently at but my guess is maybe sometime before the finale since she’s ignoring Gav’s messages.

In short, I'm so excited for Pearl's love story! It’s definitely what she deserves!

(And, if we get more of those subtle references to CaiReel at any point, I won’t complain!)

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here thinking we need to bring some Malex feels today, so let's talk about Touch. This song is beautiful, painful, and easily one of my favs. Right from the start we are assaulted with the Malexness in the lyrics "fall in love with a single touch, fall apart when it hurts so much" and it doesn't get any easier. This is more of an Alex song since it's about trying to feel again after disconnecting, and with the references to sirens and moving parts, but the sad journey ends with feeling.

Uuuuuuuuhg, this song KILLS me! I love it so much and it's such an Alex song it hurts. With Alex losing his leg and "near death" experiences and it talking about finding feeling again it just hurts from a physical AND emotional level. I'm soooo excited to talk about this one! It's my favorite of the sense songs (closely followed by Sight) and we deserve to have some Alex feels today.

When will I feel this As vivid as it truly is Fall in love in a single touch And fall apart when it hurts too much

Stoooop, it already hurts so much. This is just, big Teen!Malex vibes especially because Alex cannot afford any vulnerability as his dad so clearly is willing to maim a literal teenager to prove a point, and all Alex knows how to do is wall himself off when things get to be too much. It's a defense mechanism and unfortunately leaves Michael on the outside.

Can we skip past near-death clichés Where my heart restarts, as my life replays? All I want is to flip a switch Before something breaks that cannot be fixed

Oof oof oof. This is injured Alex feels, especially the incident where he looses his leg. He doesn't talk about it, about what flashed through his mind as he was dying (but he SHOULD and I want to see that, if not in season 3, then in season 4. I NEED to see a flashback of him thinking about Michael as he's dying. I NEED IT). This song also has some of my favorite lines and "All I want is to flip a switch Before something breaks that cannot be fixed" is one of them. It also speaks to Alex thinking he can just decide to be cool with being with Michael around his dad only to find it's not as easy as flipping a switch, as well as making me think of Michael saying he can't just "flip as switch from tortured lust to 'sup bro'" implying that he thinks Alex can and while it might look that way from the outside, Alex is struggling too.

I know, I know the sirens sound Just before the walls come down Pain is a well-intentioned weatherman Predicting God as best he can But God, I want to feel again

Uuuugh. "Pain is a well-intentioned weatherman Predicting God as best he can But God, I want to feel again" is another favorite line, and one that hits for Alex because of his leg and the pain that tells him when it's going to rain and when he's been working too hard, and reminds him of the things he can't do and the things he lost and everything tied up in all that. And how hard he works to shut that all away but you can't cut off feeling just one thing without cutting off feeling *everything*

Rain or shine, I don't feel a thing Just some information upon my skin I miss the subtle aches when the weather changed The barometric pressure we always blamed All I want is to flip a switch Before something breaks that cannot be fixed

This again is about Alex shutting down and not feeling things, especially being in a warzone, and now he's afraid he won't ever be able to fully open back up but he knows if he doesn't he will never be able to move forward with Michael and he has to do that now, "before something breaks that cannot be fixed."

Invisible machinery These moving parts inside of me Well, they've been shutting down for quite some time Leaving only rust behind

Well I know, I know the sirens sound Just before the walls come down Pain is a well-intentioned weatherman Predicting God as best he can But God, I want to feel again Oh God, I want to feel again

😭😭😭 Oh man, something about Alex feeling like he's broken as a kid because he doesn't feel the right things for girls he's "supposed" to, and thinking there's something broken now because he's shut off all his emotions and isn't sure he can get them back before it's too late, and feeling like he only sees his father in the mirror. The PAIN this song brings to me is unreal.

Down my arms, a thousand satellites Suddenly discover signs of life

And of course, it wouldn't be a Sleeping at Last song if Ryan didn't end it with hope. I'm thinking of Alex singing that song, pouring all the pent-up emotion into the words, cracking himself open, flipping the switch, letting himself feel it all at once, and then sharing it with other people because he is ready to feel again. *incoherent sobbing*

[poisxnyouth]

hs dave. chapter 4. (d.d)

A/N: i’ve written this 3 different times and idk why this is being so annoying today but 🙂 follow aly @idkdobrik and ros @occasionally-angelic i’m super excited for you guys to read this one - i’m really proud of it and i think it’s my favorite of all 4❤️ enjoy & let me know what you think !!

WC: 12,027

“Um...Actually, Dave, can you go home?” You’re stopped in the driveway of your house and seated in Dom’s backseat with David. Dom has always been your designated driver, and he was probably planning on going back to the party to drop more kids off at home. He tends to enjoy taking care of drunk teenagers, saying, “It’s fun because I’m the one who remembers all of the drama and no one else does.”

David halts the clumsy unbuckling of his seatbelt, more drunk than he was 20 minutes prior, face faltering slightly, “I mean, yeah. Okay. I guess. Call me?”

You nod, “‘Course.”

“Okay. I love you.”

You swallow nervously, faking a smile and moving to shut the car door.

“Wait-,” you hear him say, leaning forward to grab your hand, nearly pleading, “Say it back.”

You repeat the words, glancing over at Dom and bidding both of them goodnight. David kisses the back of your hand before releasing it, apathetic towards the lingering presence in the car. Dom watches and waits until you get through your front door before you hear him drive away.

You should probably still be drunk, you’re not sure how you aren’t, but David’s words definitely did the job to sober you up.

Alex isn’t an entire idiot, and you trust his judgment. He can tell something is up, too; maybe it’s not just you. Maybe everyone else can see what you’re feeling for him; maybe you’re wrong about how you feel; or maybe David’s just an oblivious idiot.

You’re barely peeling off the night’s clothes before he texts you, “Baby, can we FaceTimeeeee? Say yes. Pls.”  You roll your eyes, still giving in to him no matter how badly you want to be alone and think. You quickly take off your makeup, shower, and change, David’s cum still running between your thighs. You clean up his mess.

The line rings just once before he picks up, seemingly awaiting your call, his face too close to the camera.

“Baby,” he slurs his words, “I miss you. Come over.”

“David, it’s two in the morning. I’m tired,” you try to come up with an excuse, propping your phone up against your bathroom mirror and beginning to brush your teeth.

“Nooooooo,” he pouts, “You’re so lame. D’you even know how many times I’ve snuck into your house ‘cause you said you wanted to see me? Soooo many. Please come over. I wanna see you.”

“You just saw me,” you say, muffled before you spit and rinse.

“I know, but I wanna sleep with you. Baby, please? I can’t walk anywhere. I can barely move.” You can see him playing with his hair at the top of the frame, nose and eyes almost taking up the entire screen.

“Fine, I’ll come,” you say, “But drink some water.”

“I can’t move,” David defends, “Are you leaving now? Go through the front door. It’s fine. It’s unlocked.”

“Yes, Dave, I’m leaving now. I’ll be there in fifteen. Bye.” You quickly hang up, wondering why you put yourself in this situation again. He’s just going to confuse you even more.

++

“Baaaaaabyyyyyy!” He happily exclaims, stretched out on his bed in his underwear as you come through his door. David pats the space next to him as you kick your shoes off, moving to get into bed with him.

“Nononono,” he protests, tugging at your shirt, “No clothes. Please.”

He watches you undress down to your underwear, sitting on the edge of his bed as you do so, feeling his lips press sloppily against your shoulder blade and his lingering hands on your waist.

You know how he is when he’s drunk beyond belief: a big baby who wants to be held. You lay next to him before he silently scoots further down. His arms wrap around your torso and he tangles your legs together, head resting on your chest. He always tries to make the size difference work.

He sighs quietly, eyes fluttering shut as you kiss his head and play with his hair.

“Davey, baby,” you say softly, not wanting to disturb him entirely.

He hums in response, eyes not opening and not moving a muscle.

You go quiet, “...Did you brush your teeth?”

He pauses, still unmoving, “...Yes.”

“Kiss me.” You know he’s lying; you can still smell the alcohol on his breath.

He leans up and kisses you, closed-mouth, before pulling away. He would never. The kiss alone could probably get you drunk - you’re not sure how he’s functioning at all.

“You’re lying. Go do it,” you shove him off as he gripes, rolling out of bed and making his way to the bathroom attached to his room.

He shuts the door, for some reason, before you hear the sink turn on. You realize he’s still probably not brushing his teeth. Why is he actually five years old?

You get up and open the door and see him standing in front of the sink, watching the faucet.

“David, oh my God,” you roll your eyes, “Just fucking do it. You’ll thank me in the morning.”

He does, and you resume the position you both were in beforehand.

You wait for the subtle snores to make their appearance, but they never do. He remains quiet.

“Babe,” he says, still slurring and nearly half-asleep, “How come you didn't want me there tonight?”

“Just wanted to be alone,” you say, hoping he’ll drop it as you comb your fingers through his hair.

“But you hate being alone,” David points out, arms wrapping around you tighter, “I don’t know if I did something to make you not wanna be with me tonight, but if I did, I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay, baby.”

“So, I did do something? Tell me,” he demands, eyes still closed as you hold him. He’s practically brain dead.

“It’s no big deal, Dave, I swear. I’m here right now, okay? With you. It’s all good,” you reassure, running your hands down his back. “We’re okay.”

“Alright,” he sighs, “I just don't wanna do it again, whatever it is. Kiss me, please.”

You love his kisses when he’s in this mood. They always make you think he could be in love with you too. They’re always soft, but deep, and he makes these noises in the back of his throat you wish you could hear forever. He always tells you how beautiful you are when he pulls away, and he always has the most wonderful blush spread across his cheeks. You always tell yourself it’s from the alcohol, not you, no matter how much you wish you were the cause.

David stops, lips gently leaving yours and tugging you as close as he can, eyes scanning your face. If it was anyone else staring you down this closely, you’d feel uncomfortable and intruded upon. No matter his levels of intoxication, the look in his eyes is always the same when he gets a sight of you.

If you think about it too much, your heart may burst.

“Go to sleep, baby,” you tell him, kissing his forehead. He nods slightly, leaning up to quickly press his lips to yours and moving his head back to your chest.

“I love you, Y/N,” he says, eyes already shut, “I mean it. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Dave. I love you too.”

++

You wake up the next morning with your head smushed in David’s chest, legs tangled together and one of his hands in your hair.

He’s awake, back propped against his headboard and scrolling through his phone. He feels your stirring and tosses his phone to the side, both hands moving to your waist. David leans his head down, quickly pressing sloppy kisses all over your face.

“Daviiiiid!” you whine, pulling him closer, “Good morning.”

He kisses you on the mouth this time, your arms habitually wrapping around his neck before he pulls away, repeating to you, “Good morning, baby.”

“What time is it?” you ask, “How’s your head?”

“Fine,” he says, “Dom made me take, like, four aspirin before he dropped me off. It’s ten, but-,” he cuts himself off, sliding back into bed and wrapping his arms around you.

“I just wanna stay in bed all day,” Dave admits, burying his head deep in your shoulder.

“Until noon,” you bargain, “I have homework to do.”

“Ugh,” he groans, “Okay, but can I still stay with you?”

You shake your head slightly, “It’s a bunch of my AP reading; it’s due Monday. You’re gonna be bored. It’ll take a few hours, but I’ll text you when you can come over?”

He nods, simply saying, “Alright.”

“Can we fuck?” David blurts, “Like, later?”

“...Yes? Why do you still ask? You know you can just-”

“Because I wanna make sure! You’ve been acting weird lately,” he shrugs, hands flat against your skin.

“How?” You ask, anxious that he’s taken notice of your change in behavior.

“I dunno what it is,” he describes vaguely, “I don’t know if it’s this or school stuff or work stuff or friend stuff, but you’re always thinking about something. I see it on your face. The only time I don’t see it is when I’m fucking you.”

His answer makes you stifle a laugh, moving to put your head in his chest, “That’s ‘cause you fuck it out of my head.”

“What is it, though?” Dave asks, turning on his side to face you, free hand on your cheek, “What’s bothering you?”

“It’s no big deal, baby, I swear-”

“Bullshit,” he says quietly, “Something’s going on with you, but I’m not gonna force it out of you.”

“I’ll tell you later, okay?” You promise without thinking of the severity and repercussions your admission will bring. Your feelings begin to resemble some shape of a burden; you love what you two share together too much - you don’t want to ruin it.

He nods, eyes on yours, repeating, “Okay. I know you’ll tell me when you want to.”

“I just get nervous,” David elaborates, “Besides last night, it just seems like, lately, at least, whenever we do anything, you’re super in your head. I can’t tell if you want it or not. Since last week when we fucked in the car, I think? I feel like that’s when I picked up on it, I dunno…” he trails off, fingertips running gently down your arm.

Fuck. He knows. He has to. That’s the night you realized.

“That’s - that’s why I asked,” he admits, stuttering slightly, “I just wanted to make sure you still wanted it from me.”

“I’ll always want it from you,” you tell him, arm thrown haphazardly around his shoulders, “As long as you want me.”

You shouldn’t have said that - you don’t want the response because you already know what it is.

“I’ll always want you,” he says, as you knew he would, “And maybe you’ll always want me, but that's not the point…”

It almost feels like he’s sweet talking you as his hands flatten against the small of your back, continuing, “Are you happy with this?”

“What?” you ask, the tone of your voice going up as you motion between the two of you, “This?”

“Of course I’m happy with this, Dave,” you tell him the truth, “I love this and I love you.”

You shouldn't have said that either:

“...As friends?” He asks, as he always does.

“As friends, baby,” you reassure, swallowing nervously as you lie to both of you. David stops for a second, eyes flickering across your face before he slowly leans in.

You kiss him back, thinking of how much you hate lying to him but also of how much you love what you share.

Your phone vibrates loudly on Dave’s nightstand, interrupting your moment as he leans to grab it for you.

“It’s a text from Natalie,” he says, handing the phone to you and returning to his original position of lying on his back, your head in his chest.

Do you remember fucking Alex & Dave last night?! Everyone heard it!!! You can’t even deny it.

You laugh, passing the phone to him for him to read it.

Yes, I remember, Nat.

...was it good? it sounded like it

David makes a face at that one, saying, “Fuck, people know now.”

“I don’t really care,” you admit, “It doesn’t matter to me. It’s our business.”

“I guess,” he says, “I just don’t want people saying bad shit about you. Since we’re best friends.”

Yes, it was good🙄 David’s dick is huge

Gross!!!! TMI...and Alex?

I don't remember what he was like, I was too focused on David lol

Natalie calls you on FaceTime, and you look at David, “Do I answer it?”

“Fuck it, she already knows we hooked up,” he says, sitting up slightly, your head still on his chest.

You hit the green button, waiting for her face to appear.

“Oh. My. GOD,” her jaw drops, reacting to the visual of you and Dave still together, mostly naked, “You guys! No! My friends can’t be hooking up! Not...more than once!”

“We’re not,” you say, “Never again.”

“Okay, I know that’s a lie,” Nat calls you out, “You said it was good and you’re a sucker for good dick-”

“It’s not just good,” you defend, “It’s great-”

“Okay, ew!” She fake vomits, David laughing behind you, “Stop talking. I don’t need to know that! Anyways, God damn it, you guys! You just made me lose twenty bucks to Dima.”

“What do you mean?” David asks, moving to hold your hand out of frame.

“He knew, like, a month ago that something was going on, and I defended you guys and was like, ‘Nooo, I think they’re just close again!’ but now I feel like an idiot.”

“We weren't fucking a month ago!” Dave says, managing to get out, “Last night was the first-” before Nat cuts him off:

“Oh, so you’re fucking now? Lying is a sin, you guys. Don’t lie to me; I’ll kill both of you. It was so obvious you guys had done it before. How long have you been fucking?”

You let David answer, squeezing his hand gently, “It’s been, you know, like, a month. Month and a half, maybe.”

“I hate Dima so much,” she says, “Why is he always right about everything? Do I need to smoke more weed or something?”

“That would definitely help with the bitchiness,” Dave says, “It’s really not that big of a deal, Nat, like, we’re not dating or anything-”

“Yeah, for now,” Nat says, “It’s coming. I can see it.”

“It’s definitely not,” David ensures, “I can promise you.”

“Whatever you say, Dave,” she rolls her eyes, “I gotta go. Y/N, if you ever leave David’s bed again, come over. I need to talk to you about something.”

“Okay,” you say, “I will in a little bit.”

“Wait,” David says softly, “Am I still coming over, or…?”

“Yeah, of course! I mean, it won’t take that long at her’s, so-”

“Ugh,” Nat intervenes, “Gross. Get a room. Bye, love you guys, use protection.”

She hangs up before either of you can answer and David groans, hands going through his hair, “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.”

“It’ll be okay,” you promise him, “If anyone should know, it’s her.”

“I know, but…” he trails, arms moving to wrap around you, “This was ours. No one else's.”

“It still is, baby,” you tell him, “They might know we fuck, but...this is still ours.”

“Yeah,” he half-heartedly agrees, tutting quietly, “Jesus. We had a fucking threeway with Alex. That's crazy.”

“I almost forgot he was there, honestly,” you admit, listening to David’s breathing patterns.

“I fucking didn’t,” he scoffs, tone of his voice turning rude and harsh, “Had to sit through watching him fuck you the wrong way. He's a dipshit, trying to tell me how to fuck my girl. Get the fuck out of here.”

“Jeez,” you say, eyebrows flying upwards in surprise, “Remember when you said Alex didn't make you jealous?”

He scoffs again, moving into his nightstand to grab his cigarettes, weed, grinder, and blunts, speaking, “That was before we all had a threesome. I didn't think he was into you like that - I said I wanted to fuck you years ago and he said he wasn't into you. Should’ve known his ass was lying.”

“Wait, what?” you question confusedly, “This was a conversation you guys had?”

“I mean, yeah,” David shrugs his shoulders, fidgeting with the objects, “Like, smash or pass shit. Freshman year. All of the guys knew how bad I wanted to fuck you, so they all passed you - except Ilya, but...that’s Ilya. I don’t take him seriously.”

“It’s really not a big deal. I’m sure, like, you and Nat have done the same shit. It’s stupid,” he continues, changing the subject, “But, baby, you know what he fucking asked me after we all fucked?”

“What?” You ask, sitting up and scooting so you’re next to him. David lights a cigarette and grabs his psychology textbook from his floor, setting it on his lap.

He takes a drag of his cigarette before passing it to you, indicating for you to hold it while he removes his blunt from the package so he can begin rolling it. “He asked me if I would be cool with him trying to make a move on you! Like-”

He pauses, taking a razorblade from the surface of his nightstand and concentrating on slicing the Swisher open, quickly scraping off and dumping the tobacco into the garbage can by his bed. “Like, he had literally just watched me cum inside of you and saw all of the marks I left on you from the other day, and he’s gonna ask me if he can make a move?”

He grabs his grinder and opens it, stuffing around a gram of weed in before closing it, grinding the contents down into shake. David takes his cigarette back from you, propping it between his lips and taking a drag as he continues to work. He moves the stick back to your fingers as he carefully opens the bottom of the grinder and dumps the shake into the shell of the blunt, evening it out, continuing to speak, “Like, dude, what the fuck? Love that guy ‘till I die, but he’s a fucking idiot.”

“Why does that make you so mad?” You question, taking a quick drag from his horrendous Red as he habitually rolls, licks, and sticks.

David looks at you as if you're stupid, “Because you’re my girl? Or did you forget that fact when you had another dude’s dick in you?”

He rolls his eyes before quickly apologizing, “I’m sorry. I didn't mean that. Anybody else having you pisses me off, but that's no excuse to be an asshole to you.”

He takes his cigarette back from you, finishing it off quickly and tossing the butt in a water bottle on his bedside table. David sets his items on the floor, placing the blunt in his mouth and lighting up, back pressed against his headboard.

“It’s just, like,” he keeps going, still angry, eyebrows scrunched together, “Don’t look at me weird for what I’m about to say, okay? Like, this kid...watched me fuck the life out of you, and sure, I guess he had some part of that - which makes me mad, too - but how is he gonna hear me tell you, and you’re, like, practically my girlfriend, right? To me, that’s how he should think of you here. How is he gonna hear me tell you that you’re mine and then ask if he can make a move on you?”

He nonchalantly passes the blunt to you, like he didn't just say you were practically dating, and you try to not let it hurt as much as it does. You hit it, holding the smoke in your lungs as he stares into his room, obviously having more to say.

“Fuck threesomes, man,” Dave says, shaking his head slightly as you pass it back to him, “Fucking ridiculous. I’m glad I tried it, but fuck that. Shit was horrible.”

“I didn't think it was that bad,” you offer, unsure of where he’s going with his angry rambling as he takes another hit, ghosting it and holding the smoke.

“If it was another girl,” he counters, exhaling, “You’d probably feel the way I do. But I don't even wanna fuck another chick. That’s wack. I can't even look at other girls anymore.”

“Are you mad at me for suggesting it or something?” His passive aggressive tone is angering you now, “It really sounds like it.”

His face untenses, hand coming to your knee as he bites his lip, “No. Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m a jealous asshole.”

“I know you just wanted to see,” he continues, “All three of us were pretty plastered. Maybe I’m overthinking it. Alex is probably still blacked out in his bed.”

“Still, though,” David says obstinately, continuing to smoke, “Alex is a fucking idiot. It, like, hurt my dick watching him try to fuck you.”

“Again, I don’t even remember him fucking me at all,” you shrug, plucking the blunt from him and taking another hit. “I was focused on you the whole time.”

“I wouldn't expect anything less,” he confidently scoffs, “You’re my girl. Forever and always. Fuck Alex. Now, I have to keep a fucking eye on him. Dipshit.”

David puts the blunt out as he finishes it, tossing the roach to the side.

“So…,” you trail off, kissing his cheek and scooting closer, moving your head to rest on his shoulder, “I take it you don't want another threesome?”

He turns to look down at you, eyebrows scrunched together and confusion etched into his features, “Fuck no. You do?

You shrug, opening your mouth to answer his question before he continues, “Why do you wanna fuck other people so bad? You told me you don't think of anyone else. Do you want to, like, stop this altogether?”

He’s offended, now, and it’s clear to you he was hiding his feelings about the threeway - you suggesting it did bother him. You clear your throat before speaking, “No. Of course, I don’t. Davey, baby, it’s not about fucking other people. I don't care about that and I don't think of anyone else. I just...um…” you pause, moving to fidget with his fingertips.

“What?” He asks, tone still harsh, “Spit it out, baby. Why bring in someone else if you don't want to fuck them?”

“I would just, um,” you look around his room, suddenly hesitant about what you’re going to say next, “You know, I want to get jealous…”

David’s still confused and still jealous as he delicately laces your fingers together - his loving actions not matching his harsh words. “Okay, that doesn't make sense. If you want to get jealous, then why bring in Alex?”

You pause, knowing he’s right. You brought in Alex only to see if you had feelings for David - and you hate that you figured it out at the expense of both of them. You chew on your lip and Dave squeezes your hand, indicating he’s still waiting on a response from you before he speaks again, “Wait...are you, like, into Alex?”

You roll your eyes, answering quickly, “No, David, I’m not into him. I don't even know him. The reason I brought him in is because...of what I’m going to tell you later. It’ll make sense. Just...don’t be angry with me. It feels like you are.”  

“I’m not, I swear,” he promises, kissing the back of your attached hands, “I’m just, not, like...I’m not sharing, you know? And if you wanna bring in another girl...I also don't really want that.”

“Really?” You ask, “Why not?”

“Because...like, I know I’d just be paying attention to you the whole time, so…” He trails off, voice oddly quiet, “I’m not gonna bring in a girl that I’m not even attracted to, stare at you the whole time, cum for you, and then tell her to leave. There's no point. I like it when it’s just us…”

David rolls his eyes before offering, seemingly calming down a little bit, “It’s not a big deal. We’re exclusive friends with benefits - nothing’s changing that. Alex just needs to chill and shut up, and we’re not having another threesome...Case closed.”

You nod against him, not caring about the subject as much as he does, head still resting on his shoulder with his hand resting lovingly on the inside of your thigh.

“Jesus Chriiiiiist,” he drags out after a moment of silence, changing the subject and rubbing at his eyes with his free hand, “That's good fucking weed. Ilya and I went into the city for that shit. Chicago shit hits differently. One blunt and I’m already gone.”

You try to ignore the thought of how hot he is when he’s jealous - jaw clenching, eyes rolling, voice deep and defensive. You also try to ignore his haphazard use of the word girlfriend as you move on top of him, legs on each side of him as you hold both of his hands. You begin to feel buzzed, not as stoned as he seems to feel, as his dick twitches under your ass.

“Put your hair up. Ponytail, though; not a bun.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.” This is more jealous sex coming from him.

You unlace your fingers from his and do as you’re told, maintaining eye contact with him.

“Suck my dick.” David doesn’t say please, because why does he have to when he knows you will regardless?

You move once more - this time, off of him and between his legs, gently tugging at his underwear.

He waves your hands off, doing it himself and tossing the article of clothing somewhere on his floor.

He doesn't touch his own dick at all, moving both hands to grasp at your hair and push your mouth all the way down.

“Look at me,” he demands, pushing you down further as he bucks his hips up.

You do, meeting his eyes as you try to take as much of him as you can.

“More,” he says, not removing the pressure from your head, “All the way down, babygirl. There you go. Fuck.”

He holds your head there, fucking up into your mouth until you gag. David releases you when you do, allowing you to spit and wipe your mouth - although, his preference is when it’s messy.

While your mouth is off of him, he moves to his knees with his hands remaining on your ponytail, forcing you to move with him.

One of his hands moves to your cheeks, squishing them up together, before saying, “Open your mouth.”

You do, closing your eyes and expecting his dick down your throat once more, but he tips your head up and spits directly into your mouth.

Sparing no time, David pushes his dick all the way in.

“Look at me,” he gently reminds, hips unmoving, waiting for your eye contact before he moves.

“Good,” he praises once you do so, beginning to buck his hips up into your mouth and continue forcing your mouth up and down.

You continue this way for a few minutes, tears streaming gently down your face with the occasional gag. Every so often he slaps your cheeks, always a reminder to continue keeping eye contact with him.

He goes too deep in one stroke, dick all the way down your throat, causing your eyes to water profusely. Your hand slaps his hip, an indicator of your tapping out.

“Aw,” he tuts, “You don’t mean that. You don't really need to tap, do you?”

He pulls out of your mouth, spit dripping from your lips, letting you catch your breath for a moment before his hands tangle into your ponytail once more.

David pushes your head all the way down, where you were before you tapped, making a noise of satisfaction, “More. Take it.”

He continues applying pressure to the back of your head, hips bucking up, watching your tears stream down your face as you take him.

He tugs on your ponytail hard, not to pull you off, but to get your attention, “Come on, baby. You can do better than that. Take it.”

You do take it, savoring his every noise. You can feel when he’s about to cum, his movements becoming faster and more hasty.

He pulls his dick out of your mouth quickly, palm of his hand gently hitting your cheek as his way to tell you to open your mouth again. David jerks off above you, upholding his beloved eye contact, grunting as his cum hits all over your face and in your mouth.

“Holy fuck,” he says once he has partially recovered from his orgasm, reaching for his phone. Shamelessly, he holds up the device and takes a picture of you: tongue hanging out, tear-stained cheeks, eye contact with the camera, and a mixture of spit and cum all over your chin, lips, and cheeks.

Dave tosses it to the side once he’s gotten his photo, running his fingers over your lips.

Once again, he leans forward and spits in your mouth, fingers messily mixing his cum and his spit on your tongue.

He’s disgusting, and you always knew he was.

He proves you right once more, leaning down and attaching your mouths, tongue sliding against yours. You feel David’s fingers blindly push at the cum on your cheeks as he kisses you, nudging it inside of your mouth. Only Dave would kiss you with his fingers in your mouth.

He pulls away, removing his fingers and kissing your forehead, watching your throat move as you swallow. He gets off of the bed, tugging his underwear back on and moving into his bathroom.

“You’re gross,” he says simply, “Letting me do that to you.”

David's wetting a washcloth as he speaks, running the warm water from the tap.

“You’re the gross one, you did it,” you defend as he walks back over, fingers gently framing your face as he wipes away the mess he made.

“Yeah, but you let me,” he says, tugging lightly on the hair tie holding your hair up and dropping it next to you, “I nutted so hard that my balls hurt. Jesus.”

He tosses the now dirty washcloth somewhere into his bathroom, crawling back into bed with you.

“I should get going soon,” you tell him, slipping the hair tie back over your wrist, “Since I have to go see Nat now.”

“Okay,” he kisses you quickly, “D’you want me to eat you out before you go?”

“It’s fine,” you yawn, “We’re gonna fuck later, anyway.”

“I already miss you and you haven’t even left yet.”

You attempt to ignore him, leaning up to attach your lips. David pulls away after a few kisses, breaking, “You still taste like my cum.”

“Apparently, you like that,” you say, kissing him again.

“A little bit,” he murmurs, “A lot a bit. ‘S so hot.”

His right hand comes to your face, thumb on one cheek and forefingers on the other, squishing the skin up as he kisses you.

“You need to go,” David says, pulling away his hand and lips, “Or I’ll end up fucking you here. It’s almost noon, anyway, and my balls need to recover.”

You stifle a giggle, nodding, “Okay. But wait, Davey-”

“What's up?”

“Did you…” you trail, mulling over your next words to say them carefully, “Did you still think I was acting weird just now? When I was blowing you?”

He makes a face, “Kinda. It’s kind of an all-the-time thing. It makes me sad.”

“Why?” you ask, frowning, arms thrown around him.

“Because I don't know what it is. If I did, maybe I could fix it…”

Your heart drops at his words, suddenly feeling incredibly guilty for what you’re going to have to tell him later. He doesn't know he won't be able to fix this. The only thing he can give you is a yes or a no.

“Later today,” you promise, “Okay? I need to figure out how to talk about it first.”

“I get it,” David nods understandingly, “I love you, baby. As friends.”

“I love you too...As friends.” It hurts to say, especially knowing the truth - especially knowing you’re lying to him.

He kisses your forehead and slaps your ass, saying, “You should go now. The sooner you get that shit done, the sooner I can cum in you.”

“You’re a whore.”

Dave responds with a matter of fact yup, shoving you gently.

He watches as you silently slip back into your clothes, pajamas from the night prior, eyes lingering lovingly.

You grab your keys and phone, giving him a final goodbye kiss and quiet I love you before you head out of the door.

“I’ll see you in a few, baby. Be careful.”

++

“You like him,” Nat says confidently in her greeting, first time seeing you of the day, “I know you do. I saw it on your face.”

She expects you to attempt to lie - for you to blush uncontrollably, stammering about how you don’t have a crush on your shared best friend...who you happen to be fucking.

But you don’t, and it surprises her:

“Yeah,” you admit, kicking your shoes off as you enter her room, “I do. I don’t know what to do.”

“He doesn’t know?” Natalie gapes from her bed, “Y/N, you have to tell him!”

“I know, but I’m scared.” You sigh as you throw yourself onto her bed, hugging a pillow to your chest, “It’s gonna make things weird, and I just really like how things are right now.”

“Is it worth it, though? Are you really satisfied?”

You dodge her question, “I just don’t know what to say! ‘Hey, Dave, I think I love you, but not just as friends!’”

“...That's exactly what you say! Look,” she moves to face towards you, legs crossed, “You know he’s stupid. We all know it. I don’t know how you guys are when no one else is around, but he probably feels the same way and doesn't realize it, okay?”

You shake your head in disagreement, “No, you don’t get it. He's constantly saying that everything we do, we do as friends. He makes me repeat it to him.”

“Well, what do you mean by everything? I thought you guys were just fucking - is there other stuff involved, too?”

You stop momentarily, scratching your head and wondering if you should tell her anything else.

“Ohhhh,” she says, realizing something without you elaborating, “I see what happened. So, you guys fucked, thought, ‘Hey, maybe this isn't a terrible idea!’, said there were no strings attached, but now he acts like you're his girlfriend all the time. And now you're confused.”

“Um, yeah. That's what happened.”

“You guys suck at keeping secrets. Both of you.”

She continues, “When did you guys even fuck for the first time, anyway?”

“The night before homecoming. Like, after the football game. About a month ago.”

“...But both of you were at my house?” Nat questions, “Oh my God. Tell me you didn’t.”

“Didn’t what?” You play dumb, heat rising in your cheeks.

“Did you guys fuck in my house?”

“...Maybe-”

“Ew! Where? Actually, I don’t even want to know.”

“Anyways,” she changes the subject, slightly shivering at the thought of you and David together, “Just tell him. He cares about you and he’s never been an asshole to you.”

“I just don’t want him to take it the wrong way-”

Natalie interrupts you, “How else would he take it? Y/N, it’s either a yes or a no. There’s not really an in between with this.

“Also, remember he’s never actually been with anyone before. He probably just doesn't know how to realize he has feelings for you,” she lays down completely, staring at her ceiling.

“What makes you so sure he has feelings for me?”

“Well,” she sighs, “I’m not sure, honestly, because I mean, you know he doesn't really get crushes on people. But David…” Nat trails, “needs people to point out things and tell him what he wants. Not to say he doesn't know how to make his own decisions, but he’s just oblivious.”

“I know he is,” you agree, moving to lay down next to her, also staring at the ceiling, “He’s kind of an idiot.”

“I just don’t want to be another Sami,” you admit, “He seemed annoyed by that.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean, ‘another Sami’?” You feel her head move slightly, turning to look at you.

“Oh, shit. You don’t know? David and Sami hooked up. For a while. She took his virginity.”

“What the fuck?” She sits up, eyes on yours and eyebrows scrunched together, “Why’d they stop? And why didn't he tell me?”

“They stopped because she caught feelings for him,” you shrug, “I dunno, Nat. He’s told me he doesn't like talking about his sex life around you.”

“Hm,” she wonders, “He’s so weird about things sometimes. I hope you’re not another Sami, either. But I hope it goes well for you, girl,” Natalie says, “You guys would be cute.”

“Thanks, Nat,” you get up and off of her bed, “I have homework, but he's coming by later. I guess I’ll tell him after we fuck-”

“I honestly do not want to hear about that part - and why wait until afterwards? Why not just straight up tell him?”

“Because, Nat, if it’s our last time, then I want to at least have a last time with him,” you reason, sliding your shoes back on.

“Awww. Did you mean it when you said he was good? Like, is he actually? I don’t want the picture, that’s gross, but he just doesn't seem like he would be to me,” Natalie questions you, now sitting up on her bed. “He seems too clumsy.”

“Dude,” you lean in closer, “Yes. He is so good. Best I’ve ever had. The first time, I was blown away. He’s not him at all when we fuck. Like, this morning, I was sucking-”

“Okay, no details, please,” she cuts you off, “Go do your homework. I’ll see you later. Let me know what happens with you guys!”

You bid her goodbye and tell her you love her, giving her a quick hug.

++

“Baby, let me bruise you again,” David begs in a whisper against your lips, “You look so pretty with them, and your old ones are fading...”

You nod easily into your shared kiss with him, wanting a final souvenir from your sexual relationship. You and Dave are standing in the middle of your room making out, his dick already hard as his hands creep up the back of your t-shirt. You’re not sure why he always feels the need to move so glacially slow. Maybe he likes it to last.

He pulls away gently as he tugs on the hem of your shirt, a silent indicator of his desire to see you. You cross your arms and remove it, your eyes watching as David’s fingers find the neck of his own shirt and he slips it off of his back.

He kisses you again, much deeper this time as both hands squeeze at your waist - almost as hard as he can. One hand reaches around you, lips still on yours, and effortlessly undoes the clasp of your bra. He’s gotten better at that, you think.

Mid-kiss, you slip it off of your shoulders and arms, causing David to lean out. He presses kisses down the column of your throat, your hands threading through his hair as his kisses stop beneath your collarbone.

“Put your hair up and lie down,” he tells you, hands fidgeting as he undoes his belt and tugs his pants off.

You do as you're told, assuming a ponytail is his preference and removing your hands from him, lying down on your bed. Your thumbs hook on your shorts and pull them off.

“Everything off,” David says as he gets on the bed and leans over you, fingers tugging at your underwear, sliding them down your legs.

He attaches your mouths once more before beginning his trek down your body for a second time, teeth grazing against your skin with every sloppy kiss. Still above you, he rests his weight on his hands, positioned by your head as he makes his way further downwards.

The further down he gets, the more he shifts his weight towards his legs. Dave’s hand gently comes to one of your thighs, splitting your legs apart, still moving south.

You find yourself lying there with your eyes closed, succumbing to his touch as he settles between your legs and your hands slip into his hair again.

“Look at me,” he says - an insistent, constant reminder, but he loves watching for reactions. Good reactions are when he knows he’s done well. Constant eye contact is David’s version of instant gratification during sex. His reminders are almost always gentle, never brutal or demanding, because regardless of how he asks, he will always get what he wants.

You obey him, eyes opening to the sight of him settled between your thighs, arms wrapped around your legs and hands on your stomach. Almost instantly, as soon as your eyes meet, Dave begins slowly pressing kisses up the inside of your right thigh. He waits until your breathing shudders in anticipation as his mouth moves closer to your pussy, eyes remaining on yours.

You feel his breath fan over you, causing you to buck up into his hold. He quickly pushes your hips back down, putting his weight down and bringing his head up slightly, “Be patient, baby. Don’t be a brat.”

You whine slightly, tugging more harshly on his hair as he begins the process once more, kissing up your thigh. David maintains your eye contact as he slowly attaches his mouth to you, one arm moving from around you to between your legs. He shifts over slightly to allow room for his hand, ring and middle finger deftly sliding inside of you.

You make an approving noise at that, still trying to buck your hips up into his mouth. He pulls away just enough to speak, repeating his prior statement as his fingers crook upwards, “Keep trying that shit and I won't fuck you at all. Don't be a brat for me. Tell me you hear me, baby.”

“I hear you, daddy,” you nod, “Sorry. Keep going.”

“I thought so,” he replies, “Good girl.”

Dave puts his mouth on you again, sucking steadily as he begins to move his fingers incessantly. He’s done this many times now, figuring out the exact science of how to make you cum quicker than the time before.

He seems to succeed each time by moving his fingers correctly, pinning your hips down, mouth licking and sucking at whichever pace you seem to react the most to. David’s one condition is continuous eye contact – allowing him to read the expressions on your twisted up features as he touches you the way he knows you love and giving him any indication as to when you’re going to cum.

He maintains eye contact minutes later, as well, when his dick is shoved as far as it can go down your throat. Dave keeps a hand down, wrapped around your neck, as he feels it swell and contract with every thrust of his hips.

He’s good at praising you, and he knows it; he loves the way your eyes light up when he tells you you did something well, or when he gives you the kiss you’ve been waiting for the entire time. Your relationship makes sense: he likes praising you and to be praised, and you like doing things for him so he can praise you. It’s a give and take.

David no longer wraps his dick, skipping the condom completely as he quickly bottoms out inside of you, hitting it from the back. He still hasn't entirely gotten used to the feeling of being bare, eyes rolling back slightly as he exclaims a breathless, “Oh, fuck, babygirl.”

“Daddyyyyy,” you whine, one of his hands wrapped around your ponytail. You rest your weight on your knees and palms of your hands before he tugs you by the hair, tipping your head backwards and leaning down to kiss you sloppily.

He releases you and untangles his fingers from your hair, one hand gripping your shoulder tightly as the other grasps at your hip. Dave holds you so tightly, fingertips digging in no matter where he grabs you, you can almost already feel the bruises taking shape.

He lasts longer in bed than you ever expected he would, which you never complain about - he knows how to repeatedly make you cum, fucking the brains out of you until the only thing you can think of is how good he’s fucking you.

David pulls out, ordering you to switch positions to missionary, taking no time before sliding in once more. He stares at you as he fucks you, now, resting his weight on his palms which are glued to your tits.

It’s almost suffocating, feeling at least a hundred and fifty pounds on your chest as you get fucked, but he doesn't care. If you didn't like it, you would say otherwise. The scratches down his back and blood underneath your fingernails tell him you don't just like it, you love it.

You’ve cum nearly four times before David mentions he’s close, moving his weight off of you and leaning down, arms wrapping around you as his hips speed up. His face is in your shoulder as he whimpers and you  dig your nails into the skin of his back, begging him to cum inside of you as deep as he can.

He groans, voice raspy, and he does – he feels a line of blood trickle down his back as he cums, breathing heavily and making the most wonderful whimpering noises.

“Oh-,” Dave starts, “Oh my fucking God.” He pulls out, not bothering to look at your pussy before collapsing entirely on top of you. “Sorry, I just...Wow. Give me a second. I think I went to another planet.”

You giggle slightly, kissing his shoulder before glancing down at his back, “Oh, David, baby. Your back.”

“It’s fine,” he says, “Is it worse than last time?”

“Ummm,” you pause, “It’s definitely more bloody. Sorry.” You show him your bloody palms, his eyes rolling in response.

He moves off of you, knowing you want to go get a washcloth and peroxide to clean his back up with.

You tug your pajamas back on and move into the bathroom attached to your room, filing through your cabinets and gathering supplies.

You return to his still form after washing your hands, David seemingly still recovering from his orgasm as you wet the cloth with the liquid.

“Was it that good? I doubt it,” you say, laughing slightly as you press it to one of the wounds.

He hisses in response, mumbling, “Fuck. Your pussy felt like the universe.”

You ignore him, rolling your eyes and continuing to clean the abrasions, regardless of his protests. Once he’s all cleaned, you toss the trash and return back to bed with him, David rolling over and moving so you can settle into his arms.

“I can smoke in here, right, baby?” David asks, “The windows are open.”

“Go for it,” you say, “If they’re open, you can, and if they’re not...then, just open them.”

“Got it,” he responds lamely, removing his arm from around you and leaning over the edge of the bed, grabbing his pants. He rifles through the pockets as he searches for his Reds and his Bic, making a noise of satisfaction once he locates the items. Dave cups his hand around the flame as he lights the end of his cigarette once it's between his lips, the stick wagging slightly as he takes a long drag.

He exhales the smoke as he wraps his arm around you once more, his free hand finding itself wedged in the dip of your waist. He lazily drops the lighter somewhere in the sheets next to him.

You’re both quiet, something which isn't rare in your post-coital moments together. Even though you hate his cigarettes, you’re out, and fiending. You reach to silently pluck his Red from his fingers, placing it in your mouth and dragging on it. You mirror his actions and exhale towards the ceiling, suddenly remembering the promise you made to him hours prior. You feel an exponential dread consume you, taking another drag from his cigarette before passing it back to him.

David taps the excess ash into a half empty water bottle on your nightstand as he smokes, turning the water a murky gray. You feel his eyes on you as you continue staring up at the ceiling, anxiously memorizing the squiggles of the plaster above you.

“You’re always so beautiful after sex,” David compliments randomly, clearing his throat slightly, “It’s my favorite. I can never stop staring.”

He’s always the first to speak after sex. He tips your head up, cigarette still between his fingers, so he can kiss you gently and slowly, eyes glued to your lips as he leans in. He pulls away seconds after, pressing a loving kiss to your forehead and taking a drag.

“Thanks,” you say half-heartedly, feeling the need to reach for the nicotine again.

“Jesus, just take it, baby,” he says, reaching for his soft pack he had tossed haphazardly on to your bedside table once he’d removed them from his pants.

He takes another one out of the soft package by shaking it slightly, repeating his routine: 1) Prop between lips. 2) Cup hand around lighter’s flame. 3) Take the longest drag possible.

You can feel the words you want to say dancing along the tip of your tongue, wanting so badly to just say what you’re thinking - mostly to just get it over with. You barely pay attention to his compliments, almost as if your ears stop listening for your own well being.

“Hey,” David says, free hand rubbing gently at your hip, “No pressure, I swear, but…”

Oh, God.

“Did you ever find out how to say whatever's been bugging you? I know I keep asking and I’m sorry for that, but when something is bothering you, it bothers me too.”

“Um,” you swallow and take a final drag of what is now your cigarette before leaning over him, dropping it into the water bottle. “Kind of?”

“Go ahead,” he tells you, nonchalant as he puts his cigarette out too, “Try your best.”

“Okay, well,” you sigh, eyes on the ceiling once more, not wanting to look at him or see his reaction. His eyes are on you, you feel their presence, and you feel your heart come to your throat.

“I love you, David.”

You manage to get it out, simultaneously feeling a weight lifted off of your shoulders and the unknown burden of what his response will be.

“Yeah,” he says matter-of-factly, shrugging his shoulders slightly, “I love you too. As friends.”

“No, Dave,” you respond quietly, timid, “Not...as friends. Um, more...more than that. Like...I’m...you know. I’m in love with you, David.”

You feel him stop breathing, his hand on your waist stopping its gentle strokes.

“Um,” he responds, “Oh.”

He doesn't instantly react the way you thought he would, and you no longer feel his eyes staring you down. You glance over at him to see his body language: teeth biting at his lips, holding his breath, eyes moving as he looks around the room.

It suddenly hits David everything you share together; how he treats you, how you treat him, what the sex is like, how jealous he got of Alex, and he wonders how many I love you’s you lied to him about. He can't say he blames you for it. He realizes all of the times he turned you down in your face, explicitly ensuring he would never want that type of relationship with you.

You’ve confused him, now, and he questions if he’s been in denial this entire time. He thinks he has, but he has no idea how to handle it. His heart hurts, and he doesn't know why.

“...David?” You ask him, more anxious than before.

He clears his throat and rubs at your waist slightly before removing his touch entirely, “I have to go.”

“What? N-no, you don’t, we can talk-”

“No, Y/N,” Dave insists in a harsher tone, moving out of bed and beginning to pull his clothes on, almost in a rush, “I need to think.”

You sigh, holding back tears and nodding slightly, “Okay, but David, if it’s a no, then just say-”

“It’s not a no, though,” he goes quiet, “...I think. I don’t know, baby, - Y/N - I just need to fucking think.”

You’re still trying to withhold your tears, and he can tell, causing him to feel irreparably guilty for not being able to give you a straight answer.

“Are you…” you trail, voice wavering, “Are you mad at me?...Or something?”

It’s his turn to sigh as he tugs on his shoes, not directly looking at you, “No. Of course not, babe - Y/N.”

He corrects himself and stares for a moment at the floor, quietly apologizing for his multiple mistakes before repeating himself for the third time, “I just need time to think.”

David sees you nod out of the corner of his eye before he looks at you, catching a glance as you quickly attempt to wipe away a stray tear, not wanting him to see.

“Y/N, I have to go,” he says, feeling guiltier by the second as he grabs his phone, keys and cigarettes, anxiously searching through the sheets for his lighter.

He locates it, and wishes so badly he could kiss you goodbye and tell you he loves you. He’s not sure what this means for himself, or what it means for his feelings, but the best he can muster in place of a goodbye kiss is: “I’ll see you later, okay? I promise.”

He thinks it’s a pathetic response, too, and pushes the thought to the back of his head. He begins to take steps towards your bedroom door, hand landing on the doorknob before you ask, “When is later?”

“Um,” he says quietly, “Whenever I have an answer for you.”

“Oh,” you reply, his back turned to you, “Okay. Bye, Dave. Be safe.”

He sighs, feeling horrible, “Bye, Y/N.”

David shuts the door as silent as possible behind him, slowly moving down the stairs before he hears you burst into tears. He hates the noise and hates the fact he’s the cause of it, moving quicker down the steps. He half-heartedly bids your parents goodbye and goes out the front door, eyes welling up with tears.

He lets them fall as he unlocks his car and gets in, hastily fastening his seatbelt. He puts the key in the ignition and starts the car, trying his best to not think about the fact he is the reason for your current distress.

He pulls out of your driveway and begins to understand he is angry with himself. David’s angry because he should have realized; he should have realized every pause you took after you told him you loved him, the look on your face you always had when he said he only loved you platonically, the way you looked at him, the way you kissed him, the uneasiness in your voice while you told him - so many signs of your feelings for him he was too much of an idiot to see.

He now recognizes his actions and his words contradict each other; it's not very possible to cum in his best friend and remain platonic. He didn't want to have feelings for you because he thought it would end badly on his side, so he shut out the thought entirely. He didn't realize, until now, at least, he was refraining from breaking his own heart.

It doesn't take away from his guilt of what was essentially false advertising: treating you like a significant other, even saying you almost were one, but not wanting the attached and required commitment. It makes him feel like a pussy.

He’s still crying, haphazardly sniffling and wiping at his tears as he pulls into his driveway. He turns the car off and grabs his things before making the short walk to Nat’s house next door. David walks in without knocking, something of regular nature for them, and makes his way up to her room. The door is closed, and he knocks quietly, putting his weight up against it.

He hears a muffled Come in! and turns the doorknob, walking in and shutting the door.

Natalie immediately sees the shape he's in, quickly standing up from her desk, “Oh, God, Dave. She told you?”

He sniffles and stops, “You knew?”

She instantly becomes offended at his accusatory tone, crossing her arms, “I found out today, David, and she didn't even have to tell me. I could see it on her face. What do you think we talked about earlier? Do not get mad at me for something you guys got yourselves into.”

He sighs, still quietly crying, “I know, I’m sorry. I’m just so confused.”

“I know,” she replies, walking over and wrapping her arms around him. Her embrace makes him cry harder into her hair, before she comfortingly says to him, “It’s okay. It’ll be okay. Just...lay down.”

He does, kicking his shoes off and climbing into her made bed. She lays next to him, shoulder to shoulder, staring at the ceiling.

“What did you say to her?”

“I was such an asshole about it, but I didn't know what else to do. I just told her I had to leave, that I didn't know what my answer is, and that I’d see her later…”

“You left?”

“Well, what was I supposed to do, Nat? I don't have an answer for her. I wasn't going to just sit there with her watching, waiting for me to decide. That’s fucked up. I look like an asshole regardless.”

“You are an asshole, David, but-”

“But Nat, it’s her. I can't dick around with her. Like, I don't think I’m that much of an asshole to you, either, because I don't want to lose either of you. But she’s...I really can't fuck that up. Am I fucking it up?” His voice wavers at the end, hands uneasy and fidgety on his chest.

“No, you’re not,” she promises, “You’re just being honest. We both know she appreciates that more than a half-assed answer.”

“But if you want my honest opinion…,” Nat continues, “It seems like you have feelings for her, too.”

“I do,” David says quickly, “Um...I just-”

“Then, Dave, what the fuck is the problem here? Go back to her and tell her you love her.”

“Because I’m confused, Nat-”

“About what? Dave-”

“I’ve never felt this before!” he exclaims, tears welling up again, “And I feel like a fucking idiot for not realizing it sooner, and I feel like such an asshole because it took her telling me she has feelings for me for me to realize I have them for her too. I don't even know what I feel for her, but it's not...you know, just friends.”

“I think you do know what you feel for her, and you’re too scared to admit it because you don't want her to break your heart. But, David, you have to realize she doesn't want that, either. You know what she told me today when I asked her about it?”

Dave murmurs a quiet What?, urging Natalie to continue, “That she didn't want to be another Sami. Which, thank you for telling me about-”

“Fuck,” he says, exasperated, cutting her off and ignoring her, “I knew it seemed like that bothered her. Ever since I told her about it, she’s been acting weird.”

“I mean, yeah, you did cut it off with Sami after she told you she had feelings for you. Why would this be any different?”

“Because it’s her, and I know I keep saying that and it doesn't really mean anything but I don't know how else to describe it. I love her so much, I don't want to mess this up. Everything is different when it comes to her.”

“I don't think you will, David. When I talked to her, she was trying to hide it, but...I could tell. I don't think you could do anything to change her mind.”

“...What do I do? Tell me what to do.”

“Go fucking tell her! Plan a date. Take her out. See how it goes. Make her your girlfriend. I don't know! I’m not in this with you guys,” Natalie’s exasperated, getting frustrated with him, “You’re making this so much harder than it has to be.”

David’s eyebrows knit together and fly up in surprise, confusion written all across his face, “What? What do you mean?”

“She literally did all of the work for you. All you have to do is say yes and you can get what you want. She took a chance by telling you - the least you can do is give her the answer as soon as you know it. Which, you know it, so you need to get over there.”

“Fine,” he says, obstinate, “I’ll go. Right now.” He quickly moves out of her bed, slipping his shoes on and grabbing his keys.

“Nat?” He says, hugging and thanking her quickly, “You know nothing.”

“Cross my heart.”

++

It’s dark now, meaning David has to park down the street and crawl through your window. He does, praising God you left your window open.

You’re sleeping, and he almost feels guilty for interrupting you. Your eyes and cheeks are puffy and tear-stained, bringing him much anger towards himself.

He quietly kicks his shoes off and crawls into bed with you, waking you.

You stir, turning over to face him and eyebrows scrunching together, “Dave?”

“Yeah. Y/N, I’m a fucking idiot.”

“What?” You ask, heart racing as you sit up, turning your lamp on.

“Um,” he pauses, meeting your eyes, “I love you, too.”

In this light, you can see the evidence of him crying, too. He continues, “I know I walked out, and I’m sorry for that, and I totally understand if you don’t want me anymore-”

“Shut up,” you say, hand covering your mouth, “You’re lying.”

“What?”

“There’s no way-”

“That’s why I’m an idiot, baby, I just...I want you, okay?” David moves to grab your hand, placing it over his heart to emphasize its increasing rhythm before continuing, “I want you so bad it hurts. I want you to be mine. I feel so stupid for not realizing it sooner. You’re everything I want. I mean it. Again, though, if you don't want me anymore because I left, I completely-”

“Shut up, Davey baby,” you sniffle, quickly leaning in to kiss him, hand remaining on his chest. It feels different now; almost as if it’s a new beginning.

“What does this mean?” You ask him, forehead leaning against his.

“I think it means…” He trails off, clearing his throat, “Um, d’you wanna be my girlfriend? Like, do you wanna be a thing?”

“I thought you would never ask,” you wholeheartedly admit, murmuring a yes, of course I would! before attaching your lips once more.

“IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou,” David says, continuing to kiss down your neck, “Oh my gosh, baby, we’re a thing.”

“I didn't think you had feelings for me,” you say, “I thought I scared you off or something. I’ve never seen you so freaked out.”

“No, of course not,” he promises, moving to gently tug off his shirt, “I’m just stupid and was taken off guard. But…”

He breathes heavily, hands roaming all over your half-naked body, “I love you so fucking much.”

You kiss him once more, asking, “Is this why?”

You confuse him, “What? Like, the sex?”

You nod before he continues, “Fuck no. It definitely helps, but is that why? No. You’re you. That’s why. You’re the girl of my dreams. You’re my best friend. I would let you ruin my life.”

“You don’t mean that,” you swear, eyes welling up with tears, “Holy shit, David.”

“I do, and I know. This is crazy.”

“...Do we tell people?”

“...I think,” he trails, “Just Nat...for now. Other people later, but we can talk about it another time.”

You agree easily, arms wrapping around him again as you burst into tears, “David, tell me you mean it. Say it again.”

You know he does, he wouldn't admit it if he didn't, but you want to hear him say the words again.

“Yes, baby, yes,” he promises, arms wrapping around you and reciprocating your embrace, “I love you. For real. So fucking much. I mean it. I want you to fuck me up forever. I give you permission. Do whatever you want with me. I’m a dumbass. I’m sorry I didn't realize sooner.”

“It’s okay,” you swear, happy tears running down your cheeks, “I love you so much, Davey. This is all I want.”

You feel so relieved to not feel the obligation to repeat a bullshit phrase back to him and to know there is no second part to your I love you.

“Stop it,” he begs, fingers coming up to wipe the tears from your cheeks, hand remaining, “You’re going to make me start crying again.”

“Sorry,” you apologize, “This is just so…”

“Crazy.”

“But is it, though? I mean, think about how we were…” You go quiet, hand coming up to your cheek to cover his, “Even when I didn't have feelings for you, I kind of thought it was going to happen.”

“How long have you known?” David asks, eyes glued affectionately to yours. You’re now lying down and facing each other in bed, legs tangled as you cradle each other.

“Not as long as it feels,” you admit, “Since the night in the car. When you said that shit this morning, I really thought you knew.”

He tuts, moving to push a piece of hair behind your ear, “No, baby. No excuse, but, you know I’m clueless. I don't notice the signs, even when I’m paying attention.”

“So,” he says, “You said Alex had to do with this. What did you mean?”

“I only wanted to try that so I could be sure,” you explain, eyes glued to his, “I know that's kind of shitty, but I was still confused about it. I wanted to see if I felt attracted to him in the same way I’m attracted to you...Obviously, I’m not.”

David still seems confused, stating, “So, you didn't actually want a threesome with Alex?”

“No, baby,” you reply, “Not at all. Why do you think I said I don't even remember fucking him? I was focused on you. It answered my question. You're the only one I want.”

“I love you,” he simply responds, eyes almost pouty, “Oh, gosh, babe. You’re my girlfriend.”

“You’re my boyfriend.” David kisses you, index finger and thumb holding your chin, repeating to you happily, “I’m your boyfriend.”

“Oh shit,” he exclaims, abruptly changing the subject and pulling you closer as his eyebrows fly up, “Baby! I can make love to you, now.”

You giggle slightly, “You haven't been?”

“No,” he tells you, stifling a laugh, “Not at all. It's just different.”

You ask him how, your hands delicately framing his face, unable to stop your staring at him. He's yours, and you're his. He speaks, elaborating, “I mean, I’ve never done it before, but...I know how it should go.”

“How should it go?” You ask, David moving your hand to his mouth, kissing your fingertips before lacing your fingers together.

“I’m not telling,” he replies, “I’m not gonna ruin it.”

“How do you know?”

He flashes his smile, still grasping your hand, palms slightly clammy, “You know...movies.”

“Yeah?” You question, wanting to know more, “Show me.”

Dave pauses, eyes glancing at your lips before making his eye contact, “Like, right now?”

You nod, untangling your hands to pull his face closer, eyes still on his before you lean in to kiss him. His hands slide under the covers to come to your hips, both index fingers hooking into the hem of your underwear, tugging them up slightly. He doesn't remove them, yet, breathing heavily before he pulls away.

“Not tonight,” David swears, changing his mind and sighing softly, “Later.”

“What? Why?” You give him your most subtle puppy dog eyes, kissing him softly once more.

“‘Cause I’m super tired, and have been crying for a while, and I don't wanna half-ass it,” he explains, voice almost in a whisper, “Don’t look at me like that. It almost works.”

You giggle before he kisses you again, slowly, noticing you wince slightly as he grabs at your hips. He pulls away, peeling the covers back and taking a look. There’s deep blue lines on your hips, around your waist, and nearly-whole handprints embedded into your ass and tits.

David runs his fingers over them as lightly as he can, scoffing, “Jesus. I really got you this time, huh?”

You nod, meeting his eyes, before he continues: “You like them?”

“Yeah,” you tell him, feeling his fingertips push in slightly at the bruises on your ass as he waits for your reaction. You wince, hissing quietly, “I like being yours.”

“Good,” he replies immediately, not thinking twice, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you repeat back to him, “I wanna mark you up, now, too. Let me?”

“Baby, you already fucked up my back,” David sits up, turning his back towards you as evidence of his marred skin.

He lies back down next to you, arm coming around your waist, “But, by all means, go ahead. I’m not against it.”

Over the next twenty minutes, you do, leaving sporadic, deep purple hickeys across his chest. He speaks, “Fuck, these hurt.”

“Good,” you mimic him from moments earlier, “Dave...it feels so good to not have to say-”

“As friends?” he asks, cutting you off, “I know, right? I feel like I was psyching myself out and lying to myself.”

“Why?”

“'Cause,” he pauses, lingering on his words as he figures out how to phrase it, “I just, like, never thought you'd be into me this way, ‘cause I’m not really your type, so I shut it out completely. I didn't wanna get a crush on you and break my own heart.”

“So, like,” he continues, mood changing quickly as his eyes well up with tears, “Um, please don't break my heart. You don't know how scary this is for me.”

“Baby,” you say, wiping at his tears as he sniffles, “I know. I won't.”

“Yeah, but,” he cries gently, “I’ve never done this before, and I want it so bad. I mean, we’ve been best friends for so long...don't you think we should be, like, endgame? Wouldn't that just make sense?”

You pause, taken off guard he's already thought about it, but nod, “Yes. I want that, too.”

He nods to himself, almost a self-affirmation as he still cries, “Okay. Just...I know myself, and I know…” he trails, seemingly hesitant, “I know you're gonna be all I think about and my everything. And you’re still my best friend, and I don't want to fuck anything up with you at all or-”

“David-”

“Y/N, I’m serious. Once I’m in it, I’m in. Please don't break my heart.”

You wipe his tears and kiss his cheek, embracing him lovingly, “I won't, baby. I don't want to ever do that. My heart is with you, always - you know that, right?”

He nods again, arms squeezing you tightly, repeating to you: “My heart is with you, always. I love you so much.”

[ruffiorocks]

Supegirl season 5 ep 2 review

Little late to the game with episode! But here goes!

Opening scene..... ugh they really are trying hard with the 'tech is bad' trope aren't they?

Nawww Alex made brekkie and now she's sad she might have killed Kelly! Am I the only one who wants Danvers Blueberry Pancakes?

Nawww Brainy made brekkie!! 😂😂 Nia is hilarious and adorable!

Sooo James is going to be a senator? Oh for RAOs sake! He's a photographer who allied himself with Anti Alien Nazi's and is a bloody vigilante!! Not an ex vigilante a CURRENT out and proud vigilante. Correct me if I'm wrong but vigilantes aren't usually wanted in politics right? Oh but we need to send James off on a high note, so let's give him the worst idea since making him CEO of Cat Co!

I quite like the twist that if a green Martian attacks his brother he gets pain to.

Oh so Kelly is ahead of her time with her tech! Kew waves! Go Kelly!!

Sooo... I know Kara is worried about Jonn by she knew she had a meeting to go to but is taking advantage again?

Oh that little girl is good at acting creepy!

Awww Lena is talking to Hope like this is her best friend, it's the way she gets excited, like when she used to talk to Kara! It's so sad 😥

Hmm... Lena talks about how humans and aliens lie but it's not their fault it's just how they are programmed. I almost thought this was a suttle way of Lena saying she doesn't blame Kara for lying , like She's making an excuse for her.

Lena's idea is actually a noble one, it's what everyone dreams of. A world where people can't hurt eachother, but it's not a plausible reality. The writers really are trying to make Lena unstable, which to be fair after everything she's been through she probably is.

It's soooo out of character for Lena to want to use or basically steal someone else's tech since people have been using her tech for nefarious purposes since day one! This isn't Lena, she's done a complete 180 that makes zero sense.

Oh so Kara decided to show up to work ? Hang on a sec, Nia called Kara to say Andrea was on the war path because she won't start the meeting without everyone there, but Nia waited until Kara got there to go into it? Is she trying to get on Andrea's bad side? Go to the meeting Nia!!

Kara can't stop looking her nose down at Andrea can she? Oh she was given an assignment but it's apparently below her?? Oh she's trying to get another great story thought someone else she knows.. ugh. Like I know it's good to use for resources but Kara has such unfair advantages. How about going after a story you haven't had handed to you on a silver platter?

Oh so now Kara has been told she can do both stories but Nadrwa wants hers done first (fair) and wants it done by noon (fair) but apparently Kara doesnt have time for this? No!! This is getting silly now, Kara this is YOUR job! You can't decide when you want to do it or decide when it's convenient. If kara can't do the job because of Supergirl she shouldn't be doing it. Kara needs to learn she isn't working for Cat, Lena or James anymore. This is the real world now, no more Molly coddling.

I'm loving Kelly this episode! She's only been around 5 minutes and is already way more interesting than James has ever been.

Lena is frighteningly calm right now. Lena can monitor Eve's brain and Eve is telling her that 'they' are controlling her but this doesn't interest Lena at all? NO!! Lena Luthor would be beyond interested in this!

Oh so now Kara is pissed she has to be 'stuck at work' instead of doing her super stuff. THIS.....IS.....YOUR.....JOB!! She's not even subtle with her muttering when she walks past William. When did Kara get like this?

😂😂 the sushi scene was hilarious!

Oh Alex and Brainy discussing relationships is adorable! Her voice went up and then she deepened it 😂

Aww Kelly is amazing helping our Jonn! Although those contacts are creepy as heck!

I love how Kelly was automatically accepted into the group but I wish Lena had been given the same courtesy.

Oh so now Kara is just sneaking out of Cat Co without even bothering with real excuses now?

Kara a isn't trapped in a Tower Alex! Kara is choosing to be there and making life difficult for herself because she refuses to even try and get on with Andrea.

So clearly something is up with Williams wife?

This show really likes it's white Martians.

Ohhh so Jonns brother is the reason the Green Martians downfall.

Oh wow, his brother just killed a teenage Martian and were those mass graves? Supergirl isn't pulling it's punches at the moment.

Oh so that's yet another white martian that was killed when it could have been captured. So that whole "we don't kill rule" really has been thrown out the window. Not that they ever stuck by it anyway.

Hahaha they all stink! Brainy is hilarious

Alex in tech gear on a bike gives me life.

Sooo Nia's job now is to call Kara whenever she's about to get into trouble? Kara you're putting on Nia now and it isn't fair!

So Kara is back at Cat Co and Andrea is miffed (rightly so) that Kara couldn't do the one thing she was asked to do. Kara thinks by saying 'i was about to file it' which she absolutely wasn't at all about to do then Andrea should shug it off. William did it ans Kara is pissed, well Kara maybe you should have done the one small job you were given to do. I get she has super duties, but that is Kara's choice.

Andrea tells her to do some copy exciting, Kara is surprised and put out by this I'm not a copy editor ' Well Kara, you were given your job to do but apparently couldn't do it.

Kara is so miffed she isn't being Molly coddled anymore by her bosses. William was actually right, Kara should be doing that.

Oh so Kara just had an actual tantrum and dropped the work she was given on Williams desk and told him to do it. Sooo.... Kara once again is above doing the one thing her boss asked her to so! Seriously Kara should be sacked!! I would have sacked her by now.

Ooh Andrea and Lena show down. Hold the bloody phone!! Lena's assistant is Andrea's best friends girlfriend?!! This is another betrayal!! That assistant let Andrea in, and Lena was surprised she's there! Sooo other than Jess, is Lena allowed a freaking assistant that isn't going to double cross her or go behind her back?! Enough writers! Enough with the God Damn betrayals it's getting so old!!

Again, Lena isn't the type to try and mess with someone sense tech and steal it!! No!! This isn't her!

Oh so Lena is addicted to the lenses, Andrea even said she was 'cut off' sooo.. This tech is basically a drug??

Brainy is cute with the food 😅 'my heart also burns! 😂 Nia telling Brainy she likes lots of things is going to bite her in this ass

Oh so Kara has abandoned work again!! To have a brew with Jonn at her loft? Even Jonn says 'shouldn't you be working?" Yes Jonn she should be! But Kara says he's a welcome distraction, erm... a distraction from what Kara? You haven't actually done any work or really even been at Cat Co all day!! You were given one job!

Oh so another reference to Williams wife? Intriguing 🤔

I love how it only took a touch from Alex to know that wasn't Kelly! Nawww!!

Hang on!! All the Super watches are connected? Shouldn't Lena's have gone off to? I don't remember Lena being in on any of this?

Ahh so Alex did in fact kill the White Martian.

James says 'we' have to go to Kelly? 'we?!!'

Ok so Alex V Kara is awesome!! Chyler bravo!

Holy shit! James actually brought along is civilian unarmed sister to a massive dangerous super fight? What the hell was he thinking?!!

Awww Alex knows it IS Kelly though a touch.

That fight was epic!!

Flying Chyler!!

Alex knew it was the real Kelly!

Oh look Kelly could have fallen to her death because d**khead James who wants to be a senator brought his unarmed sister to a dangerous fight where neither she NOR He should have been anywhere near!

Hang on, James is supposed to not be allowed to be Guardian anymore! That was the whole point of Lena trading info to stop him going to.jail.... but now it's suddenly OK? Do the people who called him about being a senator know about this?!! This is just stupid now!

Oh so now Kara is back at work and decided she has time to do her job.

😂 Kara is accusing William of sabotaging her when she's actually doing a fine job of doing that all on her own.

Nawww Alex and Kelly are the best!! She really frikken likes her! She called her 'my kelly".

😂😂😂 omg Brainy in Nia's apartment! I'm dying 🤣

Oh what Lena did Eve isn't OK, I love Lena but this is NOT ok. Lena is seriously needed up right now, but she knows she shouldn't be doing this, you can see the tears in her eyes. That slow Girls Wanna Have Fun is actually really fitting.

The writers have moved Lena here to quickly. The Lena we know would never have dine that. That's like making Nia suddenly evil! It makes no sense!

See Kara, Andrea is good when you actually do the job she asked ya to do.

Nawww William isn't so bad!

I don't trust Hope, having a body just marks her more human and capable.

Sooo over all a good episode! Best parts were the Non Alex/Kara show down and the Alex and Kelly parts! Worst bits? Totally OOC Lena that makes zero sense, and Kara's 'I'm above this and can't be bothered' attitude towards her job.

Or her good bits include Kelly and Jonn working together and ALL of Brainy!

Minor worst bit? Everything they did with James.

[jesstinsource]

does anyone else feel like the writers did a full on 180 turn on jesstin once they got to season 2? on season 1, although justin showed signs of caring for jess, the writers never showed his love for her in s1.... he never said he loved jess once. and then s2 came and it was all “Justin’s soooo in love with jess”

i DO def think it was a choice they made in s2. but that is fully owed to the fact that they wrote s1 without any idea of what s2 was going to be. so imo they were never going to get back together, or give a shit about each other again. but they needed to continue the storyline for s2 so that's what they shaped it into (and it helped that brandon and alisha had the on screen chemistry that it worked really well). but i do think it makes sense that he never says he loves her, and she never says she loves him in s1. tbfh they’re both going through something horrible. and if in any one of his conversations with jess in the present of s1 he had said he loved her, imo, it would only feel manipulative and cruel. like in s3 when alex says he loves jess right after he kills bryce. I think there are other ways to say ‘i love you’ without verbally saying it? if he had genuinely said it, then it would feel manipulative. instead 13rw is really good as making things subtle. so instead we get moments like him bringing her a flower for their two month anniversary, or him saying he cares more about her than anybody else, or his concern for her, or simply the fact that jessica stays with him throughout the issues of s1. or the fact that he stays with her after what bryce did, if he really was selfish, and if he didn’t really care about her, he would have dumped her and forgotten the whole thing. for justin being in love with jess, i see that in s1, but jess being in love with him is much harder for me to believe. and the only reason i do is bc of the bit in s2 when she tells mrs baker she loves him.

[efortmanteau]

TMA Headcanons

I sort of spoiled myself in terms of headcanons for The Adventure Zone, so now I try to finish/get caught up on podcasts and form impressions entirely in my head before introducing visual ideas via fanart. And lately I've been focusing on The Magnus Archives SOOOO here we go:

My headcanons for The Magnus Archives. A few were originally written after listening through s2. I've added my s3 thoughts below characters or in a new section. I'm only 3 episodes in to s4 so no spoilers after the end of s3.

Jon (I only recently discovered that there's no H in his spelling, whoops) aka The Archivist - Obviously Jon doesn't really have fun ever, so the main word I think of is 'austere.' He's a pale white guy with dark hair and greyish or brownish eyes who basically always dresses formally--collared shirts, slacks, maybe even vests, usually neutral colors. He's thin, but not fit--just the type of guy who doesn't put on weight since he doesn't focus much on food. Rectangular face, maybe has facial hair… I haven't decided, but if he does, it's like a goatee/mustache scenario that's always well trimmed. In my mind, he's young to mid 30s, but could look older. When he's scared or disshevelled though, he looks a lot younger. I think he's also kind of short, maybe 5'8", so he keeps really good posture to make up for it. Ben Whishaw is almost right, but he'd have to be homelier. S3 updates: Not really any? Although apparently it's Jon without an H. I've confirmed that he looks older than he is since the spider picturebook episode (which I would love Don Hertzfeld to animate, perhaps with assistance from Jules Feiffer who is 90 gd years old… that episode is so vivid in my head). Also I forgot Jon has worm… scars? Pock-marks? Not sure how that works, but you probably don't see them much, given I can't imagine him in short sleeves or shorts, although maybe he has a few on his neck visible pretty frequently, above collars. I'm was pleased to learn he is canonically asexual, but not all that surprised. Something about the way he interacted with Georgie in her apartment had me wondering… maybe it reminds me of me and my ex (I'm the asexual one, my ex isn't, but we still get along).

Martin - I immediately imagined Marty (Terry Gross Waters-Waters SAT tutor in Gayle) when I learned more about soft, sweet lad Martin, so Matty Cardarople has always kind of been in my head. That is probably just a similar name situation, but it's kind of perfect. Since Martin said he wasn't the smallest of guys but still made it into a basement window, I imagine he's kind of tall and chubby, but doesn't seem tall, slouchy, not the most confident person. Sort of a Neville Longbottom situation (before the glow-up). I think somewhere between Matty and Nick Robinson is around the correct appearance: a little more clean shaven and formally dressed than Matty often is with shorter hair (but still flippy), but softer than Nick is. This guy wears sweaters a lot. I guess he's canonically 29 at the end of s1--I had imagined him in his mid 20s somewhere, but I guess he was pretending to be older since he claimed he had a master's degree. S3 updates: Martin is probably the one who was most easy for me to imagine. I never really thought of his fixation on Jon to be a crush, which I'm really intrigued by in terms of character development. I was parsing it more of Martin being a bit of a subservient character, that he was like that to everyone in the office, but we only saw it from Jon's POV as the primary narrator. If I do a re-listen, I'll be very interested to pick out some Martin/Jon moments now that I have a different context.

Sasha (or maybe Sascha) - I sort of had Sally Donovan from BBC's Sherlock in mind initially. I tried to stray away from that and looked up "half black actress." I picked out Zawe Ashton without even realizing that she had in fact played Sally (in one episode, so not her main actress) because of her hair and skin and the fact that her face is pleasant, but not the typical hyper-button baby doll face that some actresses have. Sasha has natural hair with light curls (sometimes straightened). I originally pictured a small afro, but I think in s2, they refer to her as having long hair, so I guess not? I'm also not clear if that was Not-Sasha imitating her, or just straight up not looking like real-Sasha at all. She's slim, pretty posh/minimalist in style--grey herringbone peacoat, umbrella, boots. I imagine she's half Russian heritage-wise, since is a common Russian diminutive for Aleksandra. I would put her in the 25-27 age range. S3 updates: I caught on to Not-Sasha (partially because I saw the name in the voice actor credits, whoops), but I think I also caught something in Lottie's flat affect that clued me in. I thought that the imposter was just good at disguise, not that people had been cursed to forget what real Sasha looked like, so Melanie's introduction and take on Sasha/Not-Sasha threw me off a bit. I don't remember if the "long hair" comment was for real- or Not-Sasha. But I don't have any headcanons about Not-Sasha… just that she looks nothing like the original.

Tim - In my head Tim is the tallest main character, maybe 6'2", and pretty fit. He's imposing at first glance, but since he's so congenial and laid back (at least in s1 before Jon totally pisses him off) everyone who knows him knows he's a nice, fun guy. He's black, with fairly dark complexion, short hair, clean shaven. He probably wears sweaters too, but like… the thinner kind. None of this bulky knit from grandma that Martin rocks. I first think of Alan from Russian Doll (Charlie Barnett), but darker, just black instead of more mixed. I'd say he's around Jon's age. S3 updates: RIP in pepperinos. I guess him being fit is not unreasonable since he is… canonically? (does Alex and Jonny joking about it make it canonical) an outdoorsy adventurer. I certainly missed his friendly nature, but my headcanons didn't really change. He just looked a lot more tired up until the end of s3.

Elias - He is older than the rest of them, I would guess in his 40s or 50s, but given that it's canon that he rose in the ranks kind of quickly, maybe he's not that old after all. I don't really have a good mental picture of him, maybe because I can't differentiate his voice from John's a lot of the time until I piece the context together. In my mind he has a beard and mustache though, kind of full, and maybe dirty blonde hair that's greying a bit. S3 updates: I wouldn't be surprised if he carried a cane that was actually a sword or a gun (I'm American, so having a gun seems very easy to me, so I'm not sure if that would be rare in England). Also, did I hear something about having a grey bun? Maybe I'm completely confusing it with something else, but I'm chuckling about man bun Elias.

Michael - Well, he isn't human… but he looks kind of like a really pale guy who is mishapen and thus wearing a lot of clothing at first glance? He probably wears a lot of clothes so you can't really make him out under the trench coat, scarf, hat, etc. (I might be confusing him with someone else). I think it's canon that his hands are large and maybe have too many bones. For some reason, Michael reminds me of tourmalinated quartz--black and white for the most part, striations cutting through the clearer crystal--sort of like a metaphor for how he kind of… dimension hops? Ends up where he isn't supposed to? I imagine striations of his appearance sort of blip in and out when you look at him based on the static he causes on recordings. S3 updates: I now know that he was an assistant to Gertrude. I guess my idea of his human form is basically the same color and demeanor, just not other-worldly in proportions and bone count. Probably the tall gangly type of white guy. ALSO I guess he's kind of Helen now…? I'll do a separate one for Helen.

---BREAK to add characters I didn't write about until the end of s3---

Basira - I assume she is a Muslim woman, based on her name. I imagine she wears a hijab. I picture her as Middle-Eastern, perhaps Iranian, but she could also be black (there are a fair amount of black Muslims in America, not sure if it's common in England). Other than the hijab, she's not very feminine in her styling. Being on the force probably means you want pretty functional, utilitarian garments. I don't remember if she talked in great detail about how she joined the police, whether it was straight from school, but in my mind she's late 30s.

Daisy - I think I recall she has a back tattoo? She's a murderer so she has a tough air about her, but she's also a subtle murderer, so nothing about her screams that she's dangerous… you just get that feeling, you know? I imagine a white lady, short blonde hair, blue eyes. Kind of like Brienne of Tarth, but more plain than ugly. She's maybe early to mid 40s. I'm not sure if her relationship with Basira is supposed to be romantic or not. I kind of prefer this weird closeness that doesn't always equate to trust given their specific experiences. Regardless, I imagine they are around the same age.

Melanie - Melanie is probably the youngest, early to mid 20s. Typical build and height, maybe a little chubby, but not unable to climb fences or anything (gotta hunt them ghosts). She has a short, asymmetrical bob, dark hair, but part is dyed a bright color of pink, purple, maybe green. I imagine she has a go-to windbreaker that has some neon colors.

Helen - I'm so sad that we had to lose Michael to gain Helen. I really love the Spiral and the characters we've met who are involved with them. Helen in my mind was a badass realtor, ready to close a deal, very driven… and that carried over into becoming SpiralHelen. She sort of outsmarted it with the locked door, didn't she? I can't imagine that's very common for humans/avatars to get the better of their entities. She seems really strong willed, so I'm excited to see where she goes as a human who is becoming an avatar. I think her personality translates into her being 40-something but like lowkey hot? She probably rocks a suit with a skirt in bold colors that men's wear usually doesn't offer (all over red suit, tailored to her, pumps, straight brown hair, nice makeup). I'm not sure how the Spiral would affect her… maybe her angles just get a little more pronounced? She's probably not yet to the point of disfiguration that Michael was anyway.

Georgie - She is like a terrier who will bark at a big dog because they don't know to be afraid of it (or… how to be afraid of it, in her case). She is short, 5'2" or less (I just remembered that a lot of the listeners probably use metric measurements, so sorry for that, but I'm not going to bother converting). I imagine she is cute--she dresses up for her dates to Hungarian restaurants (my favorite detail omg girl get it) and wants to look hot, but really she can't get away from cute. Brown curly hair, big brown eyes, button nose. But resting bitch face… gotta ward off those catcalls and get taken seriously somehow.

Jergen? I can’t spell, it’s Jurgen - Jowly white guy. Wispy caramelly colored hair that's going white. Probably pretty tall, which I'm sure what an annoyance in those tunnels.

Gertrude - At first glance, just some old white lady. But after you get to know her, you realize she can probably murder you and is nowhere near as frail as you think. Curly, wiry grey hair.

[noctem-novelle]

🙅🏻‍♀️5(ish) Characters to Cancel🙅🏻‍♀️

NOVL recently published a blog post titled “5 Characters Who Need to be Cancelled” and I disagree with it, so I’ve decided to come up with my own list. My issue with NOVL’s post is that they chose characters you were supposed to hate. They were all villains or otherwise antagonistic, and so of course they were terrible people who should be put on an uninhabitable island to live out the rest of their miserable lives. What’s the point of cancelling characters who are already almost universally accepted as being the worst? So here I present to you a list of protagonists/antiheroes/supporting characters who, for some reason unknown to me, are still popular despite how awful they are. Be warned: potentially unpopular opinions ahead.

5. Alex Wilder (Runaways, Marvel Comics)

Alex is a hyper-intelligent teen and the son of two members of Pride, a team of supervillains who controlled LA and sacrificed homeless kids to the Gibborim. While that doesn’t make him trash, the fact that he secretly supports his serial killer parents and betrays his friends definitely does. Moving on.

4. Will Parry (His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman) and Calvin O’Keefe (The Time Quintet, Madeleine L’Engle)

Will ruined His Dark Materials for me. In Northern Lights (aka The Golden Compass), the protagonist, Lyra, is a clever and courageous girl. She goes on an epic quest to rescue her friend from the Magisterium’s Gobblers, who have kidnapped children with the intent of severing their souls in a pseudo-surgical process called intercision. While Lyra is impulsive, she is generally a positive role model for kids. All of that goes down the drain when Will is introduced as a protagonist in the second book, The Subtle Knife. Once Will’s around, suddenly Lyra is stupid, needs constant rescuing, and becomes a stereotypical damsel. Will is pretty much the exact same character as Calvin O’Keefe from Madeleine L’Engle’s Time Quintent. Much like Will, Calvin steals the spotlight from Meg Murry, who suddenly becomes impulsive and reckless. Thanks for ruining everything, boys.

3. Mal Oretsev & Matthias Helvar (The Grishaverse, Leigh Bardugo)

UGH. These two. I’m lumping them together because they’re from the same ‘verse, but also because they’re terrible for similar reasons. Mal is easy enough. He has a problem with Grisha, and he’s a jealous little twerp who can’t stand that Alina is a powerful lady who spends time with other powerful people. I will never not be irritated that she winds up with this jerk instead of Nikolai. 

And then there’s Matthias. He hates Grisha and actively participates in their extermination in his home country (and elsewhere), until he falls in love with one. He struggles with his feelings for Nina because she’s a “witch” and is therefore an abomination according to his Fjerdan beliefs, but he then decides that she’s “one of the good ones” or whatever. In my opinion, Matthias is the equivalent of a person who has queer friends but doesn’t agree with their “lifestyle choices”. Get out of here, Matthias. Nina deserved better.

2. Audrey Rose Wadsworth (Stalking Jack the Ripper, Kerri Maniscalco)

The first woman on this list is arguably one of my least favourite characters in all of YA. Audrey is supposed to be a very intelligent, curious, and adventurous protagonist. She’s interested in forensics and medicine, which are not common callings for “proper” ladies in the 1800s, but wow is she irritating about it. Audrey has a nasty habit of judging her peers for being interested in fashion and tea parties, because god forbid they like “girly” things. Audrey is a classic “I’m not like other girls” girl and I loathe her.

1. Mary Iris (Mim) Malone (Mosquitoland, David Arnold)

Mary Iris Malone (I flat-out refuse to call her “Mim”) is the WORST and I feel bad for her stepmother. When Mary’s mother suddenly stops communicating with her, she decides that it’s her stepmother’s fault. She skips school, steals money from said stepmother, and embarks on an unchaperoned cross-country bus trip to find her mum. She ignores her parents’ worried phone calls, resulting in her very pregnant stepmother driving hundreds of miles to track her down. Spoiler: Mary’s mum didn’t want to talk to her because she was sick and ultimately didn’t want her daughter to see her health deteriorate, meanwhile the stepmother had tried to get her to change her mind.

To make matters worse, Mary is a serial cultural appropriator. Her mother is British (because of course she is), but apparently also part Cherokee? So Mary takes her non-status as a Native American as carte blanche to use her mother’s old lipstick as “war paint” whenever she’s feeling particularly annoying. She’s just soooo quirky. You, Mary Iris Malone, are no Hazel Grace Lancaster.

Dishonourable Mentions:

Zėlie Adebola (Children of Blood and Bone, Tomi Adeyemi) for being insufferable and whiny.

Penny Lee (Emergency Contact, Mary H.K. Choi) for putting down other girls, and for being judgy and mean to her mother.

Eleanor Douglas & Park Sheridan (Eleanor & Park, Rainbow Rowell) for passive racism, classism, body-shaming, and victim-blaming.