#this is sorta why id rather be high or something. cuz now i gotta worry about after affects or other shit.
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#man i want doritos#you just gotta suck it up#diary#personal#mn. i like fell asleep for the last... probably 2 hours? idk man#and i feel a bit better by now. but like. i really would prefer to not leave my room today.#like. im just sorta worried shit will get worse again and ill feel like utter and complete shit.#idk. like im not having a breakdown rn. but i just. am worried itll come back at the drop of a hat.#like im fine alone with my noise cancelling headphones in a dark room#but besides that? idfk.#this is sorta why id rather be high or something. cuz now i gotta worry about after affects or other shit.#idk. its been a while since its been this bad and tbh im just really tired. i wanna sleep.#oh! funny fact. i had doritos and fritos stuck in my head during like. the last few hours.#but i was sorta preoccupied so i didnt realize it??? so i was just thinking XD#...i still do. man would it be too much to go get some? i rly wanna#*sigh* i should probably like. go out. and do some work.#but thats been sorta whats been worsening things (plus the heat). so like. im concerned?#idk thats not fully the reason why. but it did not help. idk. i just know my mom will say something like#or maybe not. its like a 50/50. sometimes shes sympathetic others shes not.#idfk. like. im the type that if someone tells me i should be fine i will just. push through anything.#like *yeah* i may be hitting myself but i got the work done like you asked? so whats the problem here?#self harm#idk. thats how i functioned in high school. punish myself to work ig. or to just take out the anguish.#but *apperently* ur not *supposed* to do that either. so that just leaves me curling up in a ball somewhere.#often times my closet? but my closet is full with random crap so i gotta clean it out ugh#im not rly sure what the final straw was fully. i woke up at 5ish. and took off my headphones. and then within like 15 mins i was down.#idk. i think maybe it was my fridge. but i was also super uncomfy for sleep. so who knows rly.#haaah. i still have to do shit today and tomorrow. i dont wanna.#haaaaaaaah wtf how do i figure out what i need to do. ffs.#whats worse is if i talk to my mom or someone to help me figure it out ill probably snap at them
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