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johnslittlespoon · 3 months

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accidentally just created my own buckbucky college au oops (i love college aus tho, this was far overdue tbh) so here's like ~2k words of (semi–nsfw) drabble that i wanna turn into a oneshot/series :-)

thinking about modern au pre–established relationship buckbucky who meet in their first year of college because they apply to an ad to rent a two bedroom apartment near campus, complete strangers save for a few texts back and forth until move in day.

they become fast friends despite how opposite they are, john being a cliche frat boy type (but subverting expectations by majoring in something english–related? waxing secret poetry about his 'obvious as the sun to everyone but gale' crush on his roommate lol) and gale being a studious math/science major, no interest in parties or campus culture. pining aside, everything's just fine until:

john does something stupid a few months into the school year and ends up spraining/breaking his dominant arm– probably wipes out trying to ride his bike home to his and gale's apartment while drunk after a party. gale gets a call at midnight from a sheepish john asking if he can come drive him to the hospital, and of course he does, though after his initial concern when he picks john up at the side of some random street, he's fuming at john's idiocy.

"you could've rode into traffic, john. jesus, you're gonna give me a stroke one of these days, you gotta start using your brain more." and john's drenched in cold–sweat from pain as he cradles his arm to his chest, head tilted back against the headrest and trying not to curse out every red light as his head spins, but he still cracks a weak smile and says "c'mon buck, you'd be bored if i started using my brain." gale glances over and the stern look is enough to shut john up.

this injury leads to gale having to help him with certain tasks for a bit, like shaving his face, brushing his teeth, doing his hair, tying shoes, etc. john's stubborn the day after, independent to a fault, refusing to ask for help, and gale watches with mild amusement/hidden winces, not wanting to push because he knows by now it'll only make john dig his heels in. gale only decides that enough is enough when he's walking past the half–open bathroom door the next afternoon and suddenly hears a sharp inhale and a stream of profanities and pokes his head in to find john's cut his jaw trying to shave with his left hand.

the intimacy and domesticity of it all– john pretends he's inconvenienced, but once he realizes this means he gets to stare at gale's focussed face up close as he sits on the bathroom counter and gale stands between his legs carefully shaving away his stubble, he's a lot less reluctant to accept help. but being that close to gale's face and being able to unabashedly study his long lashes and the curve of his lips is dangerous for john's lack of impulse control, barely keeping his pining under wraps from the moment they'd met, let alone with this newfound proximity they have to fall into the routine of.

so john has fun being a shithead on purpose during these moments, both to distract his yearning brain and for his own entertainment, just yapping away while gale's frustratedly trying to grab him by his jaw and hold him still for five seconds. biting down on the toothbrush when gale's trying to do a proper job of brushing his teeth so gale has to wrestle it away like he's playing tug of war with a dog, being an asshole and jerking his shoe to the side while gale's doing up his laces for him, heart leaping at the thrill he gets from gale's touches getting firmer when he's fed up, or from being pinned by irritated blue eyes.

he has no idea gale's pining just as hard, because gale's a master of concealing emotions in thanks to a very different upbringing than john's, and because while gale doesn't hide his queerness, he's not as open with it as john is. but gale's losing his mind just as much each time john needs his help, and the way he feels his self control slipping scares him.

this little dance around each other probably comes to a peak when john's being extra difficult one day while gale's trying to tame his wild curls for him. gale's got john pressed back against the bathroom counter with a scowl, working his gelled fingers through thick dark hair, and john can barely think straight because oh, has he ever spent an ungodly amount of time thinking about gale's hands in his hair under very different circumstances.

john's got a grin so big it near splits his face in half as he purposefully leans out of gale's reach, pulling every annoying thing he can think of because if he focuses too hard on gale's motions, he's gonna pop a very inconvenient boner with no hope of concealing it from gale with the way he's pressed up against him.

but gale's got twenty minutes until his next class and it's a ten minute walk from their apartment, and he's at the end of his rope, so he finally snaps and without giving it a second thought he closes the last bit of distance between them to grab at the back of john's hair, and he pulls, hard.

the smile slides off john's face as his mouth falls open and his hips reflexively jerk forward and whatever scolding gale was about to give him dies in his throat because holy shit. there's a few seconds where both of them just stare at each other wide eyed with their hearts pounding, john internally spiralling because he thinks he's just fucked everything up, gale internally spiralling because oh my god, he hasn't been misreading john's behaviour around him.

gale whispers a "fuck" and, more impulsive than he's ever allowed himself to be, goes in for the kiss, hand still tight in john's hair, and john whines into his mouth and his hands fly to gale's waist and everything gets heated really quick– until gale pulls away with a gasp for breath, both of them panting, cheeks flushed and eyes heavy. and then gale's ducking out of the bathroom and grabbing his backpack from the entry way and all but sprinting out of the apartment.

john's left standing there harder than he's ever been in his life but also panicking because he's not sure whether he's fucked up or whether gale's just overwhelmed, because he knows gale well enough to know he likes his space when big things happen.

but gale also knows john well enough to know how big of an overthinker he is; they've probably had to work through some incidents where their communication styles have clashed over the few months they've been roomies. so after his hands stop shaking enough while he's walking to campus, he types out a message to john letting him know 'I'm all good. Sorry for running, was gonna be late for class and panicked. Talk later, yeah?'

and john sighs in relief, texts back a 'np. sounds good :)' and then promptly shoves a hand down his pants and comes embarrassingly quick with the sting of gale's hands in his hair still fresh in his mind.

they talk things out somewhat, blahblahblah plotting problem for future me, but they're both shy and awkward around each other for a bit, which is so out of character for john and how obnoxiously flirty and loud mouthed he normally is.

so maybe what finally breaks them out of this tiptoeing around each other after a few days is something stupid– specifically, john ends up pent up and frustrated because trying to get off with his left hand just isn't doing it for him. and he's one of those 'once a day minimum' guys, so this isn't something he can just ignore; finds his temper is shorter, and he can't focus as well, etc. drama queen.

either gale comments on it lightheartedly and john blurts out his problem unthinkingly, or john makes an offhand joke about it, and gale thinks john's lack of impulse control is starting to rub off on him, because after a beat of silence, he gets out an "i can help."

john's head snaps over to look at him so fast he feels like he gives himself whiplash, eyes comically rounded, wondering if he's heard gale wrong or if gale's making a rare flirtatious joke. gale blinks back at him, looking just as surprised, tips of his ears going a little pink, but he doesn't laugh or throw in a 'only kidding!'

mumbles a "y'know, if you want," second guessing himself as if what happened in the bathroom a few days before isn't in john's top three best things that have ever happened to him list. john gets out a "yeah– yeah, i want," uncharacteristically nervous, and gale nods, turning his attention back to his laptop. and john just stands there in the kitchen, flabbergasted, shifting uncertainly.

works up the courage to shyly ask, "like. now? or." and he feels like he's never fumbled the bag so hard in his life, unable to remember the last time he's felt shy when talking about sex–related stuff, realizes just how bad his crush on gale's gotten. beyond a crush, at this point. and it makes it worse that gale's so nonchalant now, humming to himself as if in deep thought before saying "later. i've gotta get this assignment done."

john loses his mind over those next few hours, trying to be patient and give gale space to focus, but he's half hard the whole time and can't think about anything other than what gale means by 'helping'. gale can sense his impatience from the other side of their apartment, and he can't help the way it makes him smile to himself, having fun teasing john without even needing to do anything, and without john knowing it's fully intentional.

unfortunately this arrangement, however it plays out, probably leads to a lotta miscommunication and repression of feelings, because they're both dumb boys who suck at communicating, neither one of them wanting to ruin a good thing (aka an inevitable friends with benefits situation) by bringing up their feelings for the other. but there's plenty of hot sex and light kink exploration in the meantime, and eventually they sort their shit out, likely by accident like every other situation they've stumbled into together.

and not to cliffhang pre–smut, but i'll leave it there because this is way too long and if i do turn it into a oneshot i don't wanna write it all out of my system into this drabble before it makes it into a fic loll <3

#jls buckbucky college au #johnslittlespoon aus #buckbucky #johnslittlespoon writes #me when i'm meant to be getting to asks and end up with a whole new au/oneshot idea sigh #not proofread bc i'm Lazy (need to get back to fic writing)#would this be service!top/sub!top john and powerbottom/dom!bottom gale supremacy? absolutely #(ofc until gale inevitably talks john into letting gale finger him one day– it doesn't take much convincing lbr. john's whipped)#(and john discovers he likes that a LOT too <3)#anyway. not like i needed another wip/au added to the list LOL but the broken arm idea worked its way into my brain a few weeks ago #and tonight it finally fleshed itself out into whatever this is. sidetracking me from my original task but oh well xo #johnslittlespoon brainrot #johnslittlespoon spicy #clegan

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drenched-in-sunlight · 1 year

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i like ghostflower (hell I draw fanarts for them) but I’ve decided I like the version of them in my head more and will just stay away from the fandom in general cuz I’ve seen some discussion and they just make me go “what on earth are y’all on” 💀💀💀💀

#“miles will immediately forgive gwen when he sees she’s gathered a whole team to save him WHAT #he’ll save himself first then befriend Miles G. and Miles G. will start hissing like the cats when that team comes and Miles looks upset #like I firmly believe miles will only talk to Hobie and Margo after all that cuz they r the two that stand by his side thru whole that #like that take is so insane when Hobie is the reason Miles can run away in the first place and Margo risks everything to allow Miles leaving #AND HE KNOWS #u don’t even need a scale to see who Miles will associate with safety and protection more after atsv #also “miles keep getting up after he’s beaten down cuz that what Gwen told him to do in itsv is ALSO insane cuz WHAT #the thing she said when she and others were berating and crowding Miles for not knowing how to be Spider-Man just FEW DAYS after he’s bitten #??????#THAT THING????#not his mom’s words or his uncle’s or idk THAT’S HOW HE IS???#*walk in the tag* *walk out immediately*#u don’t have to make them the only person in each other’s life to prop the ship up especially in this case cuz it makes no sense 😭#actually the first point srl piss me off cuz that team was only possible in the first place cuz of Hobie and Margo and Miles laying #the groundwork by just being a sweetheart he is #charming and inspiring ppl so ofc these kids will rally behind him and team up to save him #ykno LIKE IN THE COMIC TOO???#ppl just have to take the only thing I don’t like in the movie (miles suddenly obsessed over Gwen when they didn’t even interact that much #in itsv) and magnify it x100 in fandom #if she ain’t a gremlin girl that is trying her best to regain Miles’ trust but it’s a slow process and Miles needs space and time first then #I don’t want it

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heytheredeann · 1 year

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#tmfuedit #napollyaedit #napollya #napoleon x illya #illya x napoleon #the man from uncle #tmfu #not spn #my edit #i just wanted to gif some tmfu since i've been giffing nothing but the witcher these past few days #and of course i decided to go for something that would take me the whole afternoon looool

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starpros-sunshine · 1 month

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Eichi gives away the mask so easily because it was never meant to be an "engagement ring" like you delulu wataeis imagined it to be lmao. It was wataru saying that he will continue playing tsumugi clown role in fine and won't leave it for hokuto's mother troupe after graduation. Do you dumb fucks even read the stories? Eichi didn't even understand tf that mask meant when wataru gave it to him and wataru referenced fucking tsumugi in his "proporsal". I dunno why the f you think it's ok to lie about "! EnDiNG wItH wAtAeI EnGaGeMEnT" when the chapter it happened wasn't even close to the end of ep:link. Cope

PS: how do you live with the fact that Eichi clearly admitted to never being in love in his life and Wataru said that even though Eichi likes him, he still can easily discard him for the sake of his objectives?

I love you anon thank you for giving me a nice reason to ramble again beautiful ask 10/10 I'm sorry this is probably not how you hoped this would go but this is such a funny block of text delightful really thank you for the enrichment please marry me

But okay yes now to get down to the actual ask just to disclaim I am solely relying on translations seeing as I do not speak japanese well enough to understant the original text so if anyone has anything to add to this or to correct me on please feel free to do so.

Now to get started I'm not sure if one could say Eichi gave away the mask "So easily" seeing as he claimed that it was "a hard choice to make"? Which, as one might know, implies unease with an idea and pondering and debating and a general amount of thinking behind a decision so? I know this isn't really the main focus of this ask but I'm just a tad miffed with the semantics of it is all. And in either case giving the mask back to Wataru while expecting it back still shows a certain degree of trust in their relationship it wouldn't have been such a big deal for him (as it apparently was) if the mask didn't have a lot of sentimental value to him (the both of them really if we look at the whole exchange).

Now to the claim that the mask was "only" Watarus promise to stay with fine and "continue playing Tsumugis clown role". This is not entirely incorrect. Regarding the acting troupe and staying with fine bit at least.

I'm assuming this bit in EP:Link Deadend/7 is what you are referencing, and I see where you're coming from. But the bluebird line

from literally three dialogue lines further down, which references this line of dialogue (notorious Eichi line everyone should be familiar with)

kind of somewhat really recontextualises that? Because you see this is a reference to a fairytale about a pair of siblings and they get sent out by a nice fairy to find the bluebird of happiness for her sad daughter to make her happy again so they both go on an adventure and travel far and search and search but they can not find the bluebird of happiness and then when they return home again, disappointed because they couldn't find the blue bird, they realise only one night has actually passed and the journey was probably just a dream. But then their eyes fall upon their pet dove in it's cage which appears blue all of a sudden and so they gift it to the fairies sad daughter which becomes happy again and sets the bird free. The real bluebird of happiness is a dove. At least in the version of the story I'm familiar with but I mean everyone sees the symbolism right? It's. very hard to miss.

And then dropping this?

I'm not sure how to say this properly but in the overall context this makes it pretty clear that Tsumugi has nothing to do with this anymore this is Fully between Wataru and Eichi. And I am the last person to dismiss Tsumugis significance in the course of Wataeis relationship as characters I will be among the first to protest when someone dismisses the importance of Tsumugis and Eichis relationship in favour of some image they have of Wataei but he has nothing to do with this one.

Yes Tsumugi gets namedropped but - again - I don't really see how that would lessen the sentiment Wataru is triying to convey here? Because. Yes. Why wouldn't he mention Tsumugi?

The entire conversation pretty much boils down to "Yes I was initially only in this because I thought I could replace Tsumugis role in your life and then I wanted to leave but we have spent so much time together that I realised that that is definitely not working out because I really do love you. I love you as a teammate; I love you as a friend; I love you as a person and I am very angry at myself for not managing to get that into your head. So please allow me to stay with you for as long as you'll have me." And then also Eichi not understanding because he has the emotional self awareness of a very emotionally unaware loaf of bread and also because he hates himself that is a very big thing about his character huge part of his character arc actually that he. you know? Hates himself? And feels guitly for his actions during the war? And doesn't think he deserves love and companionship? Which is why Wataru wanting to stay with him for him and not for some twisted form of revenge is such an alien concept to him? Because he is projecting his insecurities onto Wataru? As one is wont to do when they hate themself? "EiChi Didn'T eVen UnDErStanD WhAt tf ThAT Mask MEAnt" Yeah. That's. That's the point? So he can think about it and come to that conclusion himself which works as a keymoment in his characters journey from hating life and himself to enjoying being alive and wanting to live on because of the people he's surrounded with? He literally explains why he didn't immediately understand the mask during the EP:Link Epilogue/4

And to get back to the "I dunno why the f you think it's ok to lie about "! EnDiNG wItH wAtAeI EnGaGeMEnT" about which I have two things to say:

"Lying" implies further intent and an effort. Neither of which exist in this case.

He literally went down on one knee while making a big proclamation of offering himself to Eichi with a very personal item that works as a symbol for their commitment to each other on a starlit rooftop. The comparison writes itself.

3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joke

And then I expected there to be a proper reason given and instead you proceed to follow that up with "when the chapter it happened wasn't even close to the end of ep:link". I know the shame is on me for expecting something sensical from an ask which has been near constant in it's lack of correct statements but such is human nature I suppose. And you are not wrong. Deadend/7 isn't very close to the end of EP:Link. That is true.

But do you know what Is very close to the end of EP:Link? The Epilogue Chapters 3-5.

Do you know what the content of those chapters is? I do. Very well actually :)

(Eichi literally explains why he didn't get it)

So if this answers your "Do you dumb fucks even read the stories?" questions, Yes. And I think I'm a lot better at it than you. So I'd say I'm coping quite well over here :p

PS: Regarding your PS, I take the "I've never been in love before so I wouldn't know" comment with a lot of humour actually as an aroace person who's emotional self awareness also ends at "good" and "Not good" I think it's very funny all things considered especially because he mentioned the loving Wataru thing several times before that and I'm generally of the belief that actions speak louder than words and also am in a happy long term relationship with the concept of "Reading Subtext". So please excuse me for not breaking down in tears everytime someone reminds me of that one singuar line of text in one of my favourite all time enstars stories that came out three years ago which also brought us the single best card set in the entire game

as well as absolute banger dialogue such as

Among others <33

And there are soooooo many other examples of wataei dialogue that simply make me swoon but I have already had to take out so many of the one's I wish I could put here so this wouldn't get "Do you love the colour of the sky" long

And also, regarding your "Wataru said that even though Eichi likes him, he still can easily discard him for the sake of his objectives" I'll just say that no he absolutely could not. I mean he'd say that and if pull comes to shove and he has no other option then he might seriously consider it but may I mention that Wataru was gone for a few days at most but really not that long of a time during Sanctuary and Eichi stopped considering being a normal rational person that doesn't leave helpless 17 year olds in the midst of a construction site. Very different situation but I feel like it's worth mentioninh here. Another example is Eichis almost not being able to go through with the war because of Wataru. Wataru had to actively come and tell Eichi to go through with it. Wataru isn't the reason Eichi started the war, that is wrong, but he is the reason Eichi almost didn't finish it. and during the war era that was his Main objective. Again I'm part of the fraction "actions speak louder than words" Show don't tell and all that, but even the words are pushing it.

And that concludes my essay :)

#I so won this #there were so many pictures and quotes I wanted to include but the limit..... :'(#if any of you were wondering I am still as insane about them as I ever was #thank you anon really genuinely and fully this has been a blast #if anyone reads the whole thing....mwah let's run off into the ocean together #or something like that idk but it is appreciated #they are my everything they really are #I'm very enamoured with the ''Cope''#Cope with what? I have nothing to cope with? well nothing wataei related at least #or the ''How do you live with the fact'' yadda yadda #How am I supposed to live with it it's funny i think it's very funny #You really trust what enstars characters say and take it at face value without examining the subtext further? amateur mistake #it's so passionate too anon i admire you #imagine disliking something so intensely you sent a very wordy ask to someone because of a silly post they made #I wish I had that much vigor in me #I mean i'd be too polite to even if I did but still it has somehting admireable to it #thanks to you i got to reread some of my favourite wataei interactions so now I think the last three hours were three hours well spent :)#genuinely thank you for the enrichment #I hope youll have a nice day we might not see eye to eye on this and I'm also objectively better at reading these stories and understanding #the characters but I still hope you'll have a nice day #as good karma or something #I'm currently still on that dopamine high from writing this i think it's obvious #best mood I've been in in ages I love talking about wataei #okay good I'll conclude the tags I've already stretched this post out so far i might as well spare the poor tag reader #but then again if you have read the post this far what's a few more tags to you #I really like the fact that the real bluebird is a dove it's soooooooo #it's good it's really good in the overall context #wataei #eichi tenshouin #hibiki wataru

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lilredghost · 5 months

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Everything would've been fine if Obi-Wan had just clicker trained Anakin actually

#also if someone clicker trained me but that's a whole other thing #not to like. subpost on main #anyway #I just know that boy would have gotten drunk on the inherent validation of it #and obi-wan would've been like “oh thank the force I don't have to use my words to say I'm proud of him”#obikin #actually... give me knight obi-wan stumbling on a book about clicker training humans and not realizing it's a kink thing #give me obi-wan standing back while anakin has a conversation with a diplomat and pressing the clicker every time he says the right thing i #a difficult scenario #they use the first clicker so much it breaks and anakin storms around for a few days in the biggest poutiest rage #until obi-wan takes him to get a new one #anyway this doesn't even have to be a real literal clicker-- anything that marks the behavior would work #force shenanigans maybe?

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scoliosisgoblin · 7 months

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he's ruined my life. Peter.

#Jay in this universe is kinda interesting to me?#cause I didn't know how to fit him in at all #at first he's a very nonchalant type of guy. very low energy #but when Peter comes in. he starts opening up more and being able to sleep better and such (idk they'd lay together)#they'd be dating for like a month before Peter takes Jay to his house #and tbh Jay would be more upset with P knocking him out than anything else #the murder? okay. kidnapping? who CARES his head is sore #then again Jay has offed a few people so he wouldn't really care #oh btw that Kid is Mona she's Jay's daughter and Peter loves her #Jay knew of Peter before they met #whenever he'd walk past the diner Jay would catch glimpses of him. always wanted to invite him in but was too nervous #also Lucy Tk and Don are still alive dw #Peter killed a customer at the diner #that whole day moves to later in the relationship #idk why Peter would be Bubbles I just wanted to put him in a dress #okay gn #yb fanart #yb game #yb peter #your boyfriend peter #your boyfriend game #my art #Jacob #Jay #Void #human centipede #dr heiter

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annabelle--cane · 2 months

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I love my mother I love my bestie I love my girlfriend but sharing a house with all three of them after a lifetime of being a reclusive only child does have me wishing that I could barnabas bennett myself for a week or two

#can everyone just agree to not interact with me and pretend I don't exist for a few days. please. please.#I would like to make one (1) cup of breakfast tea without having to take off my headphones make smalltalk and throw off my whole routine #on my hands and knees why does it take four direct dismissals and ninety minutes to get everyone to leave my bedroom #sigh. it truly is not anywhere near as much of a problem as I'm making it sound but I am somewhat cranky. my solitary rituals...#marina marvels at life

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ganondoodle · 3 months

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im not lying when i say that i was just finally getting "over" totk, like i hate it still, but the immediate anger and need to rant has died down-

and then the elden ring DLC fucks with me in a very similar way, just even moreso focused on my favorite character in that entire franchise, completely unexpectedly, and the more i learn about it the worse it gets and now i feel even worse bc i dont have the energy anymore to get as angry as i did with totk and its just kinda ... depression and sadness ..

it was like the interest i could fall back to when zelda annoyed me too much or i needed a break from that and i was honestly thinking about doing more with it but now

i know i know i can always draw 'my own stuff' but being a fan of a piece of media or character is just fun and .. furfilling to me in a different way and now i feel so empty again ... and finding new things to obsess about is easier said and done bc i dont 'decide' to stop liking something and neither can just decide to obsess over something so im just kinda left hanging here ... and in a way, i still like it and care about it, frustratingly so, and dont WANT to just stop and find soemthign new ...

#ganondoodles talks #elden ring #zelda #in a way #AND it adds to me just ranting #and complaining #like i wasnt literallly a few days ago beating myself up about that #now i have the next thing #and its almost as bad as it was with totk #with the only difference being that i dont have the energy left to yell that much #and that its the second time now in such a short time span relatively to how long i keep my interests and how long it takes to find one #so in a way it hurts even worse #.... also when the whole thing is kinda bad then at least the whole thing is kinda bad #but here its like specifically my fav #and i dont want to and cant let him just .. go #but at the same time ............. its been so shifted around completely idk what to make of it #idk what the point was to make and present him like he was in the base game and then do such a turn in the DLC #and it feels less like he was someones important favorite nd more like most hated character #bc why would you do that to him like this #you can argue all you want about how it makes sense actually and wahtever but this is what i feel right now ok #what am i even drawing for anyway #what am i even thinking about any stories for anyway #why am i caring about anything anyway #i wish i knew and could stop

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buckingham-ashtray · 16 days

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When Alzheimer’s has eventually taken its hold, you can ask John what’s his name and he will not be able to remember even that, but he will smile and tell you “find Sherlock, he knows everything”.

Yes, but being that this is the only thing he can remember, in turn he has forgotten as well that Sherlock has long passed.

#I want to say I'm sorry about this but let's face it. I'm really not.#did it hurt you? torn your insides? yes? Good.#this has tormented me for every second of the past few days so I'm dragging as many as I can down with me :D #some wonderful fic writer out there should write a 20k heart wrenching ff of how johnlock grew old together told from rosie's pov #open with an obscene amount of fluff with those two absolutely smitten with each other #and then boom Alzheimer's happened thus angst takes place then followed by sherlock's death then this and john's eventual death and SCENE!#(yes I have the whole thing planned out but writing skills and indolence are leash on the horse #bbc sherlock #sherlock bbc #sherlock #sherlock holmes #john watson #johnlock #johnlock headcanon #johnlock angst #angst #angst with a they-both-died-and-it-didn't-even-happen-together ending #tjlc #buckingham-ashtray

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toytulini · 4 days

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man the thing about beauty standards and being ugly and being pretty and being insecure is that ultimately you do just kinda have to Decide that youre pretty. like ultimately thats how you become pretty, or hot, or sexy. you have to just Decide that you Are. you have to recognize that its made up, its arbitrary, its subjective, and that people might disagree with you about it, and as much as you are able, you need to completely and utterly disregard their opinions on your appearance, and decide that youre pretty now. and THEN.

you need to find beauty in "ugly". you need to recognize that ugly is made up, that its arbitrary, that its subjective, and you need to be able to find the beauty in it all. and this means you cant bodyshame people. you cant body shame shitty celebs or politicians. you need to base your criticisms on the substance of their character and misdeeds and unhinged horrific opinions and not give a shit about what they look like. you cant go calling people ugly for being shitty. you cant go calling people ugly for looking A Way You Dont Like.

and then if you wanna really galaxy brain this shit you start using ugly as endearment. OBVIOUSLY do not fucking call other human beings ugly. that shit is far too loaded, its just Rude. Dont call specific features of people or even characters ugly cos thats also too loaded. as a term it has baggage. but you can see the ugly in tacky, loud, garish clothing, and it can be Good. you can see the ugly in a distinctive, horrible tiny car from the 90s, and it can be good. you can see the ugly in animals that have evolved to look the way they do, without a single thought of what humans find appealing. you can see the beauty and the freedom in "Ugliness". you can break out of this shit altogether and feel nothing but disdain for anyone who stoops to insulting your appearance if they disagree with you about shit. you can get completely out of the cave of these beauty standards. you can find it so freeing to revel.in letting yourself be ugly. in recognizing that the way you look and exist might be ugly to some people, and youre out of the cave enough to simply recognize. thats just your opinion and it doesnt matter. didnt ask.

you can look at ppl arguing about the correct amount of skincare products to use daily, the Correct Amount of makeup, and whether or not its radical to conform to beauty standards or defy them and argue about is it really conforming if visible makeup pisses men off, and you can say, well I dont care about any of that, I recognize the societal pressures of flawless skin and all that but you see,

I just want to look like a silly little clown :o3

#toy txt post #i wasnt gonna end this on that silly note. but then i had to #ugly #pretty #beauty standards #not saying its easy. not saying you have to do this #but like if youre tired of feeling insecure about your face your fashion. you gotta just figure out what you like and lean in #and you gotra recognize this shit is made up and subjective and arbitrary and you shouldnt be doing it for anyone else ever #i used to be insecure about a few features of mine that i feared made me Ugly. and then i Decided to try to find it pretty.#it sounds so stupid and made up but like literally i just. Decided. im pretty now. this is pretty. this shit is made up. why am i listening #to you. you dont know shit. im pretty now. AND THEN i decided. actually. im ugly on purpose now but not in a way that has much to do with #my actual appearance so much as my complete disregard for your opinion on my appearance. you gotta do it for you. you gotta dress for #yourself #ANYWAY #before anyone comes in with how beauty standards are often externally enforced via peer and social pressure:#yea bud im a human being on planet earth. im aware. thats why i said: as much as you are able. i recognize i have a number of privileges in #this regard that not everyone does. the way im given more space and freedom to dress like a little freak as a thin white person etc #but like i still had and have societal pressure to shave my legs and underarms to conform. theres societal and peer pressure to wear makeup #and i just. dont. the legs thing is less noticeable tho ill admit cos i also Hate Shorts but thats a whole complicated can of worms #which also involves i am not exposing myself to ticks like that are u insane #anyway. yea. the other magical thing about this philosophy of mine is that you also just dont have to. like you can just Ignore Me.#you can keep doing what youre doing and thats fine too #but genuinely if you struggle with insecurity about appearance you gotta just. this is the fake it til u make it shit #i decided im pretty now and it got easier to take selfies bc i was pretty then #doing art and exploring different faces for ocs and making them look different from the conventional beauty standards. also helped #and like dont get me wrong theres still shit im vain about appearance wise that doesnt matter. i still like to style my hair before i leave #the house etc. im still looking in the cave sometimes #but perhaps one day i will be as blissfully uncaring about ppls perception of me as a fuckin goby #anyway. anyway anyway anyway #if you do this things get so much easier. but you dont have to. i have no power over you

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