#this is the cutest result! ;D

[britishchick09]

rewrite eristine and their ai selves! :D

[idrawstuffsometimes]

Biggest disappointment of the week is learning (from reddit) that Schnecke is not actually like a cute common term of endearment in German. Are you kidding me. I thought that was so cute when I learned that in class.

[merakiui]

RABU.

yandere!jade leech x (female) reader cw: yandere, brief nsfw, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, implied murder/death, implied cannibalism, pregnancy, obsession note - i chatted with @heyyy11 and we discussed noodle shop owner jade!! :D this fic is the result of our thoughts. additionally, it's inspired by maretu's "binomi" and lyrics featured are from mitski's "me and my husband."

i. i steal a few breaths from the world for a minute. and then i’ll be nothing forever. and all of my memories and all of the things i have seen will be gone. with my eyes, with my body, with me.

There’s a pot of perpetual stew sitting on the stove.

It fills the small shop with savory scents, enthralling all who catch its delicious aroma on the air. Your husband of twenty years tends to it every now and then, lifting the lid to stir through its contents with a large wooden spoon. Regulars stop by for a fix of his food and comment much the same thing each time: “That husband of yours sure loves his stew.”

“Oh, he can’t get enough,” you would always reply, giggling at their observations.

You would then scrawl their usual orders in your notepad and they’d give you a knowing look. Still so infatuated even though two decades have passed—aren’t you the sweetest? But you can’t help it. Your husband is everything: affectionate, attentive, a masterful chef…

His forever single twin brother often groused that Jade got all the good fortune. “Y’know, if you’re ever tired of Jade, I’m here for ya,” he’d say, leaning over the counter with a sleazy smirk. “Shrimpy’s free to visit whenever she wants. My arms are always open.”

And Jade would smile tightly at him, brush him away with his broom, all while saying, “I’m afraid the shop’s closed now. You’ll have to come back tomorrow, Floyd.”

He acts in jest. Mostly.

Shortly after your wedding, on your first night as newlyweds, the two of you made a compromise. Jade wanted a family; you weren’t ready to start one. And so, in order to work through this dispute, you came to an agreement: He would be in charge of the prep work for the noodle shop he intended to open—a metaphorical child more than anything. In return, you would take orders and chat with customers. A fair deal, one you thought was attractive in its own right. Jade, ever so patient and understanding, lounged beside you in bed, gesturing towards the ceiling as if attempting to spell out the vision before your very eyes. He spoke so eagerly of his dreams. It warmed your heart.

Naturally, just as passionately, you would support him in his every endeavor.

“What do you think of this name? Rabu Rabu Ramen.”

You rolled over on your side, snuggling closer. You couldn’t snuff the overwhelming elation and tenderness that wrapped itself around you whenever you looked at him. And he was all yours—your husband to love forever, to grow old with, to experience life’s highs and lows together. Your wedding night was just the beginning of what would surely be a riveting romance.

“It’s silly.”

“It’s lovey-dovey.”

“If you like it, I like it.”

“Truly?”

You pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek. “Absolutely.”

It wasn’t long before fantasy bled into reality. The both of you found a quaint spot in a quiet neighborhood. It was more hole-in-the-wall than you would’ve liked, but Jade didn’t seem to mind. Sometimes tourists stumbled in, commenting that they would’ve missed it had they not ventured down the narrow path. Jade liked that aspect. It was secretive, peaceful, off the beaten track…

By the end of your first year running the shop, plenty of praise had spread throughout the neighborhood. You learned the locals’ names and faces quickly, committing each to your memory as if there might be an exam later on. They thought you were the cutest, the way you’d take charge of the front while your husband worked diligently in the back. Grandmothers adored you, and they made sure to point out the obvious at every opportunity. 

“Omago-san, it’s too quiet in here! You’re still so young. Plenty of time for a family. Tell that husband of yours to get busy!”

You could only offer an awkward smile. “Maybe one day.”

When that ‘one day’ would be, you couldn’t say.

It’s become something of a widely-held belief that Jade can’t make a single bad dish. Everything on the menu is scrumptious. From the homemade noodles to the variety of broths to the additional ingredients, each prepared by Jade’s adroit hand, it’s a feast for the ravenous. 

Sometimes customers ask for recommendations, and if you aren’t careful you’ll end up fawning over every dish.

“It’s all so amazing, but I like my ramen with bone broth. My husband makes it better than I do.”

It was true. You couldn’t possibly replicate Jade’s skill in the kitchen. At the very least, when it comes to tea, you’re on an even playing field.

“Just what’s his secret anyway?”

To that question, you could only offer a shrug. “Maybe it’s love?”

Jade told you it was a family recipe—a cherished secret passed through the generations. You thought he’d confess at some point now that you’ve been part of the family for so long, but he’s yet to do so. It hurt at first. You’re married! Family! Jade is smooth about the entire thing, promising to tell you one day, easing all of your worries with sugared sentiments. You’re impatient and oh-so-curious, but you force yourself to wait for his sake.

It must be a special secret.

The pot on the stove is an heirloom. It’s old, yet reliable and sturdy. Jade’s mother gifted it to him in the wake of your engagement. Sometimes you think he treasures it more than anything. He’s always hovering near it, having forbidden you from lifting the lid, lest you unintentionally tamper with whatever it is he’s cooking. It smells hearty like meat stew most days, and according to Jade the process is long.

You linger near the stove. A tiny taste wouldn’t hurt, right? After all, Jade cooks things in excess to cure what appears to be an interminable hunger.

But then someone pokes their head inside the shop, calling out a greeting. You move to the front just as Jade returns from the storage room, carrying a crate of vegetables. That taste will have to wait.

Detective Azul Ashengrotto lowers onto a stool at the counter and heaves an exhausted sigh.

“If it isn’t Azul! What brings you here? Tired of the big city?”

Weary hues flick over your face. He manages a smile. “It’s a pleasure to see you again, (Name). You’re still as energetic as ever.”

“You know it. Every day’s sunny over here.” You rest your elbows on the counter and hum. “Although it’s been awfully slow today.”

“I envy you.” He lifts his hat off of his head to card a hand through tousled hair. Now that you’re looking at him, he seems to have lost some weight. His face is thinner. His eye sockets appear hollow, heavy with shadows. “They’re running me ragged over there. Too many cases. Not enough answers.”

“You ought to take better care of your health.”

“I am—will. I plan to as soon as I wrap up this current case.”

“What’s it about? If you can tell me, that is.”

“A young man went missing near the port. They think he might’ve fallen in and drowned. His wallet was brought up from the seabed, but they haven’t recovered his body yet.”

“How unfortunate… I’m sure his family’s distraught.”

Azul drags a hand down his face and sighs again. “A mess.”

“My, my. It’s been some time since I’ve heard that familiar sigh.”

Lowering his arm, Azul fixes him with a sardonic grin. “How kind of you to join us. I was starting to wonder where you were hiding.”

Jade hums and adjusts his bandana. “Forever confined to the kitchen. My wife is eating for two now.”

A minute ticks by before the realization flashes on Azul’s face. He looks between the both of you, stunned.

“Oh, you’ve—wow. I wasn’t expecting… Ahem. Congratulations.”

“Don’t listen to him. He’s talking about his stomach. I’m not pregnant.”

Azul’s countenance shifts through a catalogue of emotions before landing on a scowl. “To think I actually believed you for a moment. I rescind my congratulations.”

“My poor hara, endlessly empty without your sweet sentiments to fill it.”

“And my hara is telling me that you’re going to starve our guest if you keep being silly.” Clicking your tongue at him, you turn your much softer stare on Azul. “The usual, right?”

“Oh, thank you, but I ate before I came. I only intended to stop in and say hello since I was in the area. I really should be leaving now that—”

“Nonsense! You’re already here and Jade has nothing better to do. You should go back on a full stomach.”

“Indeed. A delicious bowl of tonkotsu ramen has your name on it,” Jade adds from his place in the kitchen. “And I do so love busying these idle hands of mine. Should they remain idle, I fear the devil may just find work for them…”

“I really shouldn’t…”

“You look so withered, Zuzu. You’ll feel better after a hot meal. I promise!”

The platonic affection twined through the nickname catches him by surprise. Huffing, his cheeks colored pink, he stuffs his hat on his head to veil the darkening blush. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt…”

“Yay!” You clap your hands together. “I’ll get started on tea.”

You weren’t going to give him much of a choice. Azul probably knows this by now, well-acquainted with your proclivity to play caretaker.

“This winter is particularly brutal,” he comments after you’ve fetched him a cup. It’s more of a change in subject than an observation. He shudders and burrows further into the warmth provided by his coat. “The worst time to die.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. Winter is full of mistakes. Drunken mishaps at night, in which the victim slips on ice and falls into the sea… Sometimes we miss them, and so they aren’t found or retrieved until they start to float to the surface after everything thaws. I can’t begin to imagine how painful that must be—to not know where your loved one has disappeared to, only to find them just as the winter frost melts away to usher in spring.”

“Oh, that’s horrible!” You set the kettle down, and Azul watches steamy tendrils curl up towards the ceiling. “Does it ever scare you—the things you find?”

“I’ve seen so much it’s difficult to know what real fear even is.”

“Ah.” You glance over your shoulder at Jade as he opens the lid on the pot of stew. Your eyes drift over towards Azul once more. “You work hard. You deserve a break after your next case.”

“I could sleep forever when that day comes.”

“Retirement isn’t too far, is it, Ojiisan?”

Azul chokes around his breath. “Do I really look so old? Oh, my heart… If these sleepless nights don’t kill me, that assumption certainly will.”

You giggle. “Sorry, sorry. I meant to say you look as spry as ever.”

“You’re too happy to hammer nails into my coffin.”

“I do it with love. It’s our secret ingredient, you know!”

“So I’ve heard.”

The rest of your conversation stalls out. You wipe the counter with a fresh rag in hopes of giving yourself something to do while Azul reads through the newspaper and sips at his tea. You watch him in your peripheral vision. Is he taking care of himself? It doesn’t look like it, but you’ve known Azul long enough to be familiar with his level of responsible efficiency. Maybe this particular case has him in the trenches.

Just how hard are they working him over there?

As his friend you worry. In fact, you worry yourself sick. Every time he visits he’s in poor shape. Though he masks it with confidence, you can see the toll life is taking on him.

“Have you ever wanted to get married, Azul?”

“If I find the right person, sure.”

“But?”

“But, seeing as that has yet to happen, I have no interest in pursuing something that might waste my time and money. Emotions are exhausting, even more so when invested in something like romance. It’s better to put them towards something that will yield solid results. Like work, for example.”

“That outlook is so frigid! Don’t you wanna fall in love?”

“Love isn’t going to crack these cases,” he grumbles at the paper.

Jade appears at the little window cut into the wall. “Someone sounds like a love killer.”

“I’m only being realistic.” Azul scoffs. “Besides, you have no right to speak as a married man.”

“Envy is a wicked vice. I’ll gladly help you overcome it.”

You take the bowl of tonkotsu ramen from Jade and set it in front of Azul. “Okay, enough of that. Let him enjoy his meal in peace.”

“But I haven’t yet had my fill of fun.”

You reach through the horizontal window to gently tug on Jade’s ear. He rumbles with laughter. “Don’t bully the guests.”

“Why, I would never, my dearest.”

Azul watches this back-and-forth with a forlorn longing in his pale blues. Wordlessly, he sinks his soup spoon into the broth and lifts the noodles between his chopsticks. He eats with such zest it makes you wonder if this is his first meal of the day. Sensing your stare, he attempts to pace himself.

You smile sadly. He looks like he needs this.

“As always, it’s delicious,” he says once he’s made a sizable dent in the portion.

Jade basks in the praise. “I’m pleased you enjoy it.”

“But… Well.” The ghost of a frown settles on his weathered features. “The broth tastes different. You must’ve used a new seasoning. Or perhaps this is an expensive cut of pork? Whatever it is, it’s different. Not bad, mind you. I’m sure if it were anyone else it would’ve been difficult to catch.”

“Is this the impressive power of Detective Ashengrotto’s taste buds at work?” you joke, to which Azul flashes you a proud grin that’s more teeth than lip.

“Well, I have been using ingredients with better qualities as of late… I’m not very fond of serving cheap products to honored guests.”

“Isn’t my Jade so considerate? He’s too cute.” You stand up on your toes to kiss his cheek. “He even grows some of the vegetables himself. Green onions and mushrooms and the like.”

“Ah, of course. How could I forget that dubious green thumb of yours?” Azul muses, recalling the time in which Jade served him a new dish in exchange for valid critique. He had conveniently neglected to inform Azul that it contained mushrooms, something he has eaten plenty of in the time that he’s known you and Jade. So many that all varieties have been spoiled for him. “In any case, what’s the secret ingredient? Imported pork? Some sort of flavor that’s seeped in when left to simmer? No, not that… It’s on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t place it!”

Jade chuckles. “There is no secret. It’s just love.”

Azul pokes around the bowl with his chopsticks, his eyes narrowed with an intense scrutiny. “I can recognize every other flavor. The meat, the green onions, the egg, the noodles… And I can parse the broth well enough. There’s just something else—a hint of something I’ve never tasted before. This profile is missing from my gastronomic lexicon.”

You tilt your head, puzzled. “Well, it’s the same broth, isn’t it?”

The both of you turn to Jade for his input. He nods. “My recipe and method haven’t changed.”

“So it’s still the same as before?” Azul’s nose wrinkles. “Strange. I was certain there was a taste of something more…”

Before he can dwell on it any longer, the radio at his hip crackles to life: “Sir, you’re needed at the port. We’ve got something you should see. Over.”

Azul detaches it from his belt and lifts it to his mouth. “I’ll be there soon. Don’t touch anything if you can help it. Out.” Releasing the button, he deflates briefly and then addresses you and Jade next. “It was wonderful seeing you again, but I’m afraid I must cut my visit short.”

“Then we won’t keep you.”

He moves to pull money from his wallet, but you stop him.

“On the house. You deserve it.”

Despite your generous offer, he still places the exact amount on the counter. “You won’t make profit if you’re giving food away for free.”

“Wha—but you’re a friend!”

“That makes it even worse. It’s not very fair to favor me to this extent.”

“Azuuul, don’t be so stubborn! You did this last time, too.”

“I surmise it will be much the same next time he graces us with his presence,” Jade says, eyeing you sympathetically.

“Ugh. Really… If you won’t let us treat you, at least promise you’ll take better care of yourself. No more skipping meals. Get a full eight hours. Prioritize yourself, too, okay?”

Azul starts for the door, so you miss the way he flusters up to his ears. They’re all very valid concerns, of course, but then he’s never been able to swallow the embarrassment that accompanies being unduly fussed over.

“I’ll do what I can,” he says instead and steps outside into the snowy afternoon.

You fold your arms over your chest and huff noisily. “What are we going to do with him? He’s in bad health and he still insists on being difficult. Must he faint before he realizes it?”

Jade emerges from the kitchen, sliding easily behind the counter where you stand. An amused glint shimmers in two-toned eyes. “I suppose we can only hope he’ll fix his bad habits sooner rather than later.”

“If only there were two of me… That way one could tend to the shop alongside you and the other could help him with his work.”

Jade embraces you firmly. With a giggle, you crane your neck to look at him.

“Two is much too troublesome.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because then I wouldn’t have you all to myself.” His lips curve into a practiced pout. “What if (Name) Number Two finds Detective Ashengrotto more desirable than her own husband?”

You reach up to pinch his cheek in light scolding. “You know that would never happen.”

“It’s a possibility.”

“I would never. If I did, that wouldn’t be the real me. I love you too much.” You twirl out of his arms to collect the dirty dishes. “Hey, since he’s no longer here, what was really in Azul’s ramen?”

“I haven’t the faintest inkling, my dear. I used the same ingredients I always do. Perhaps he was tasting something that wasn’t actually there?”

“Maybe… He looked pretty tired, Jade.” You peer at your reflection in the broth. “I wonder if he’ll be okay.”

“I’m sure he will.” Jade follows you into the tiny, compact kitchen. “You do know his penchant for smoking has worsened. I fear his sense of taste may be compromised from so many cigarettes. That, and age. Oh, but these are merely my own theories. He might have caught flavors of a love he’s never known before on those ruined taste buds of his.”

“Ah, right. Because everything you make is filled with love.”

“Not everything. There’s still something I’ve yet to fill with my love.”

He presses himself against you, his hands settling on your waist. You roll your eyes at his very obvious flirting.

“I’m assuming that something is actually a someone?”

“Indeed. And she’s standing right in front of me.”

His arms snake around your front so that you’re effectively trapped between him and the countertop. His hands close around your breasts to grope you through your shirt. You shiver against him when his fingers brush against the precise area of where your nipples are. It’s when he pinches both between his thumb and index that you finally shut the faucet off, surrendering to his touch instead of the dishes piled in the basin.

“At least close the front. What if someone walks in?”

“Unlikely,” he murmurs, his lips hot on your neck. His fingers slip under your shirt to undo the clasp of your bra. “It’s slow today. We can manage.”

You brace yourself at the sink and gasp when he grinds against your ass. “T-Ten minutes.”

“Only ten?”

“Would you prefer five? Your mouth is so smart today.”

“My love, I need only seconds to unravel you. You’re quite easy.”

You bark out a sharp laugh. “I’m not the one with the hard-on, my darling.”

“You’re too alluring, even in uniform. So beautiful, always and forever, my sweet wife.”

“Flattery isn’t going to get you out of dirty dish duty.”

“How cold… You rival the snow outside.”

You shift slightly to face him, offering him an impish grin. “I’d hate for my Jade to freeze. Let’s warm up together, all right?”

You don’t have to tell him twice.

And all the while, your voices filling the kitchen in unison, bodies pressed close, the pot continues to simmer on the stove.

ii. and i am the idiot with the painted face. in the corner, taking up space. but when he walks in, i am loved, i am loved.

“Can I ask you something, Floyd?”

“What’s up?” he answers around a mouthful of udon. A few strands hang out from between his lips, and he slurps them up in a motion so fluid it leaves you impressed. As for the mess he makes… Not so much.

“What’s the secret thing that’s been passed through your family?”

Floyd blinks at you, lost. “The secret thing?”

“It’s some ingredient or flavor or…whatever that Jade says is a family secret. I have no idea what it is. He won’t tell me no matter how many times I ask.”

“Ohhh, you’re talkin’ about Mama’s pot, right? That thing’s been in our family forever. She gave it to Jade cuz I didn’t want it.” Floyd points with his chopsticks, playfully accusatory. “What? You into cookware now? I can getcha somethin’ if ya want.”

“What’s this about cookware?” Jade asks, poking his head inside. He looks warm and comfortable in his nagagi and haori, a pleasant sight for your eyes, but the broom clutched in his hands tells a threatening tale. 

Ignoring the fact that he so clearly eavesdropped, you wave him forwards so that you can straighten his scarf. Jade props the broom against the doorway before striding closer. He leans into your touch with a smug smile, which is shamelessly directed at his brother.

“Oh, you’re freezing! Let me fix you a cup of tea. You’ll catch your death if you spend any longer sweeping out there.”

“Thank you, my dear. I fear the chill is rather paralyzing…”

Floyd rolls his eyes. “He’s fine. Nothin’ he can’t handle.”

“I might just die.”

His dramatics don’t faze Floyd, but they do draw a chuckle from you. “We can’t have that.” You duck into the kitchen and return minutes later with a warm cup of chai. “Floyd was just telling me about your mother’s pot.”

“Was he now?”

“Only cuz Shrimpy asked.”

Jade blows at the steamy beverage to cool it before bringing it to his lips for a sampling. He hums his approval. “It’s quite special.”

Floyd slumps against the counter. “Whatever. It’s boring!”

“I suppose there isn’t much to discuss regarding an old pot.”

“Nothing we haven’t already mentioned.”

“Speaking of that… You thinkin’ about closin’ up the shop for the holidays? Pops’s been on my ass. He and Mama want you to visit.”

Jade gazes at you, but you’re already looking at him. “Should we?” you ask. “I’m not opposed. I just know you like running things here.”

“Not like you’re gonna get crazy business on Christmas.”

“No, but there are a fair amount of regulars who might stop by.”

“We should visit your parents, Jade. It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, listen to Shrimpy. Mama’s been missin’ ya.” Floyd shovels more noodles in his mouth. “And afterwards we can all do somethin’ fun on New Year’s Eve.”

“That sounds great! Let’s do it!”

“S’no fun spendin’ the holidays workin’ yourself into the ground.”

“Exactly. Your brother makes a good point. What do you say, Jade? We’ll make the trip to see your parents and then come back in time for New Year’s Eve.”

Jade smiles, approving of the idea. “In that case, I should call Mother so she knows when to expect us.” Taking a final sip from his tea, he rises from his seat and disappears into the kitchen. Seconds later, you hear soft footfalls on the floor above.

“You really don’t know?”

Floyd shrugs. “No idea. The only thing that kinda fits the whole secret ingredient vibe is Mama’s pot. That’s been passed through the family. Other than that? I’ve got nothing.”

“Well… Yeah, that’s true. Maybe it really is nothing.”

Floyd laughs. “This sure means a lot to ya.”

“Of course it does! We’ve been married for two decades and I still don’t know what this ‘family secret’ is. Decades, Floyd! Surely he would’ve told me by now.”

“Is it really that important?”

“It is to me.” You gaze sidelong at the broom and inhale a steadying breath. “It feels like I’m not a part of the family if he won’t tell me something as simple as this. You’d think twenty years qualifies you as—”

“Hey, you’re always gonna be family to me.” Floyd’s hand reaches to cover yours. He hesitates and instead grabs another napkin. “Jade’s just bein’ a hard-ass. Gets it from our old man.”

“Do you think this ‘family secret’ is real?”

“Who knows? I’m sure he’ll fess up once he gets tired of playing this game.”

“Yeah, that sounds like my Jade. He’s really too much sometimes.” You shake your head and sigh. “Thanks for saying that, though. That part about me being family. It… It means a lot.”

“It’s the truth.” Floyd sets his chopsticks and chirirenge down, lifting the bowl to drink what’s left of the broth. He whistles, supremely satisfied, and slouches on the stool. “You ever need anything—doesn’t matter what it is or how much trouble you think it might be—just gimme a call. I’ll be there to help.”

“Thanks. A-Again. Truly.”

Floyd flashes you a toothy smile. “Don’t mention it.”

You collect his bowl, intending to bring it to the sink, but Floyd’s next words stop you in your tracks.

“Hey, Jade’s got that pot on, yeah?”

“The pot? Oh, yes, the pot! What about it?”

“Has it been stirred lately? You gotta do that once in a while, right?”

Your nerves, which had previously been pulled taut, smooth out. He’s referring to cooking. Nothing else. Just cooking.

“I’ll do that. Thanks for the reminder.”

“Mhm! Smells yummy, by the way.”

“Doesn’t it? Jade’s food is amazing.”

“Mine’s pretty killer, too. You gotta come over and try some.”

“If you’re cooking for me, you’ll have to cook for Jade as well.” You giggle to yourself as you cross into the kitchen, only for the laughter to stick in your throat.

Jade stands at the stove. He lowers the lid onto the pot and sets the wooden spoon aside. He was so quiet you hardly noticed him. How long has he been there? When did he return from upstairs?

“Oh, good timing! Floyd and I were just saying the pot needed to be stirred.”

Jade smiles and takes Floyd’s empty bowl from you. “Did we all have a collective thought just now?”

“Ooh, like telepathy?”

“Wouldn’t that be shocking? Three-way telepathy.”

You watch Jade set the bowl beside the others in need of washing. “That would be so noisy! Three times as many thoughts… I wouldn’t be able to hear myself think.”

“It’d be like watchin’ a show about the two of you,” Floyd pipes up from the front.

“Thankfully, that will never happen.” Jade guides you back out. You peer over your shoulder at the pot. “What a relief our minds aren’t connected. I don’t think I’d enjoy a stray listening in on our private affairs.”

You slap his arm gently. “Floyd’s not a stray!”

“Might as well be since it feels like he’s kickin’ me to the curb. So mean.”

“Not at all. I’m just making a distinction clear.” Jade’s smile is razored, his words catty. “You’re always welcome to visit so long as you keep your hands to yourself.”

“Yeah, yeah. Hands off the Shrimpy. I gotcha.” Floyd pops up from his seat and stretches. It seems as if all of Jade’s remarks, each born from petty possessiveness, roll off his shoulders. “I’m not gonna steal her from you if that’s what’s got you so worked up.”

“You couldn’t even if you tried.”

Floyd’s once easygoing expression sours. “You’re beggin’ for cement shoes, ain’tcha?”

Jade feigns offense, placing his hands over your ears even though it’s a pointless gesture. “For my own blood to threaten me in front of my sweet pearl… It brings tears to my eyes.”

“All right, all right! I’m goin.’ Geez.” Floyd struts out the door, not wanting to be manually shooed out by Jade and his beloved broom. “And don’t forget about New Year’s Eve!”

You wave farewell until he’s vanished out of sight. Only then do you turn to address your husband. “You ought to be nicer to him. He’s your brother.”

“I was. Very nice, in fact.”

“Really? How?”

“I didn’t charge him for the meal.”

iii. me and my husband, we’re doing better. it’s always been just him and me together. so i bet all i have on that furrowed brow. and at least in this lifetime we’re sticking together. me and my husband, we’re sticking together.

Everyone thought the odds were significantly slimmer than that of younger women—impossible by your standards—but somehow you’re pregnant at forty-four. You suspected it when you missed your period and then, just days prior, woke up with a terrible bout of morning sickness.

Standing in the bathroom, staring at the positive test like it’s a relic from Atlantis, you pinch yourself. Hard. It stings, and with this your disbelief mellows into something astonished.

Pregnant. You’re pregnant.

And this time you’re ready for a family. You’re ready to raise a child. Somewhat. Amidst every positive emotion there's anxiety and fear, and they reign so tyrannical that you almost forget you’re meant to be excited. Tamping down insecurity, you turn the test over in your hands.

I’ve got to tell Jade.

But before that you think back on the timeline in an effort to pinpoint the fateful day. After mapping it out for a brief while, you arrive at what’s possibly the least romantic way to conceive a child. Going at it raw and reckless in the kitchen, bent over a sink filled with dirty dishes and pressed against the wall… At least it was in a place both of you treasure.

Not the worst place, you think. I guess it doesn’t have to be a typical rose-petals-on-the-floor situation.

You’re practically vibrating out of your skin when you tiptoe out of the bathroom. Jade’s already downstairs. You can hear him humming as he works to open the shop. Hastily, you change into your work clothes and stuff the test in your pocket.

Jade’s notorious for his surprises, but it’s never been easy to return the favor. You mull over this facet of his character as you skip down the stairs. How can you shock him with this good news when he makes it so difficult? It’s as if he’s always two steps ahead, expecting the unexpected before it can even happen.

Jade brightens when you walk into the kitchen. He meets you halfway, lifting your hand to his lips. “Good morning. How did you sleep, my pearl?”

You squeeze his hand. “Like the dead.”

He chuckles. “I’m pleased it was so restful.”

You glance at the pot then and an idea sprouts. “Is there anything else that needs to get done? Is the front opened?”

“Just about. I need to prep a few more things here and then—”

“I can do it! It’s just stocking up on what’s low, right? That’s not very hard.”

“Do you mind?”

“Of course not.” You claim the spot he had once been standing in. He was in the process of filling a container with chopped green onions before you came down. “Go on and open the front. I’ve got things handled here.”

“I do so adore you.”

“I adore you more.”

“I adore you most.” He beams and stalks off through the doorway. 

Now left to your own devices, you move to the sink and turn on the water to wash your hands. If all goes according to plan, you’ll open the lid, pretend something’s wrong with its contents, and when Jade comes over to investigate you’ll act as if you’ve pulled the positive test from the pot. It’s a harmless surprise. You’re sure he won’t be expecting it, especially since he’s the one who does all of the cooking.

After confirming Jade’s still busy with the front, you creep over to the stove. That infamous pot awaits. You slide your hand into an oven mitt and grab hold of the lid, lifting it slowly. You’re immediately hit with the delicious scent of bone broth, so fragrant it almost has you salivating.

Focus! I can eat after the big reveal.

You open your mouth to call Jade over and then pause.

Has he stirred it yet? It looks a little… No, it’s definitely murky. Is bone broth supposed to be this dark? Maybe I just need to stir it.

You lower the wooden spoon into the broth and, scraping along the sides and bottom, mix expertly. The bones knock into each other from the disturbance, and you inhale deeply. It reminds you of the tonkotsu ramen Azul fancies so much. You could go for a bowl right now.

You’re about to take the spoon out and cover the pot when something floats to the surface. Without meaning to, you recall Azul’s words from last month: Sometimes we miss them, and so they aren’t found or retrieved until they start to float to the surface after everything thaws. Curiously, you scoop the object up onto the spoon. Broth spills over into the pot and then you see it.

A finger.

A human finger.

What the fuck is a finger doing in Jade’s pot?

The nail has been plucked off and the skin is sagging away, turned to pliable mush from sitting in the pot for so long, but it is undoubtedly a finger.

A very real, very human finger.

Bile slithers up your throat with thick, acidic fingers.

Fingers.

There’s another one and then another. Three fingers. You poke around in the broth, dreading what else you might see. You don’t want to find a full set of ten. Anything but that. You count five and that’s all you can stomach before you’re shakily covering the pot with the lid. You set the spoon and oven mitt down next, your mind reeling.

You want to vomit.

You’re about to vomit.

You’re going to—

“(Name)?”

You whirl to look at him. Your husband. He stands in the doorway, a dark look on his face. You can’t describe the emotion, or lack thereof. It’s more of a shadow. An oppressive shadow. An intimidating shadow. A shadow that seems to say: You’ve seen too much.

“J-Jade!” How long has he been standing there? How much does he know? “Sorry. I… I felt sick just now. I think I should…rest a bit more.”

The gloom fades away into perfect placidity. “My, my. That’s not good.” He takes a step towards you and pauses when you jerk away. “Is everything all right?”

“Y-Yes, of course! I’m just…not feeling it today…or something.”

“I suppose it can’t be helped.” His eyes slide towards the stovetop. “I do so dislike getting into disagreements with you. So to avoid that I’ll ask once and only once. What did you see in the pot?”

Your spine stiffens, straight and still as a board, and you hang your head guiltily. “I… I’m sorry. I saw… W-Well, I don’t want to believe it. I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding or a mistake of some kind. It’s just that—um… I… I saw…”

Fingers. Human fingers!

“I saw what I think is y-your secret ingredient. The thing—” your voice cracks, and you swallow thickly to push rising bile back— “Azul tasted that day…” “And that secret ingredient is…”

Tears brim and spill over in silent, horror-struck waterfalls. You risk a glance at your husband, and a wobbly smile pulls your lips apart.

“Love.”

[misc-obeyme]

Okay, as requested by @obeymewanderer, here are the dateables turning into cats and needing true love's kiss to turn them back!

I included Luke, but the cure for him is just a counter curse for obvious reasons. I just thought it'd be fun to write about him turning into a cat, too lol.

Anyway, thank you for the request, I'm glad you enjoyed the first part!

dateables turn into cats and need a true love's kiss from GN!MC to change back

Warnings: none!

Diavolo

You don't have to find him. There's a knock on your door and when you open it, you find Barbatos holding an adorable cat with orange-red fur and bright gold eyes. He's got mischief on his face and Barb has fatigue on his. The Young Master cannot stay like this, he has far too much paperwork to do. Your assistance is needed.

Diavolo as a cat is absolutely precious. Wants to sit in your lap all time, constantly purring at you. When he's not cuddling with you, he's getting into things. Climbing under things, climbing over things, just being a general menace. It's not malicious, he's just intensely curious. He's not used to being this small! Despite his tendency to wander off, he always comes back if you or Barbatos call his name. Keep him away from Lucifer's office, please. He's going to get right up on the desk and mess up all the papers. Gets ink on his paws and walks across some important documents.

Together with Barbatos you figure out that he accidentally tripped one of Thirteen's traps that was meant for Solomon. You're actually relieved that it resulted in something so harmless as turning him into a cat. He's a really cute cat, after all. A quick message to Thirteen reveals the cure to the curse.

Take him back to your room, hold him in your arms, and kiss his furry head. He returns to normal still in your arms and he puts his around you before you even realize what's happening. Oh, MC. What a glorious time he had as a cat! But he's eternally grateful that it was your true love's kiss that turned him back to normal. Please kiss him again.

Barbatos

You're headed to the Demon Lord's Castle to have tea with Barbatos, but Little D No 2 greets you at the door instead and he looks worried. You can tell right away that something is wrong, so you follow him to Barbatos's room where you find a black cat with bright green eyes. You are far more amused by this situation than he is, but he's staying calm.

He's a pretty chill cat. He's gonna let you do whatever you like. Pick him up, carry him around, pet him, whatever, as long as you're working quickly to find a way to fix him. Won't let you slack off on that front. If you get even a little bit distracted, he will bat at you with his paws. Only hisses at you if you ignore him. Won't let you take him out of his room, though, so you're going to have to figure out what happened on your own.

It turns out that Little D No 2 is able to fill you in on some of those details. His explanation is questionable at best, but it sounds like it was actually his fault that Barbatos is now a cat. Something to do with some spilled magical potions or something. It's not really enough for you to figure out what you need to do and you're about to resort to well known curse breakers when kitty Barbatos starts licking your hand.

You finally figure out that he's trying to tell you that you should try true love's kiss. He's sitting on his bed and you bend down to pick up one of his paws, kissing the little paw pads which are all pink. He turns back immediately, his hand in yours. He pulls you down into his lap, his own lips by your ear. Without your hard work, he would still be cursed. Let him thank you properly, MC.

Simeon

You show up at Purgatory Hall to find Luke in an absolute panic. He's holding the cutest little brown kitty you've ever seen with the brightest of blue eyes. You're gushing about how cute this cat is - he's so pretty! - while Luke is on the verge of tears. This is not a cat! This is Simeon! Okay, okay, you gotta calm Luke down. Simeon himself seems pretty chill about the whole thing. No doubt he's just amused.

He's incredibly sweet as a cat. A lot of purring, a lot of sitting in laps, a lot of head butting for pets, and a lot of slow blinks. He has one of those cat faces that makes it look like he's always smiling. Likes to rub on people's ankles, which always seems to result in them tripping over him. You're not sure how purposeful this is. Stays by your side most of the time, content to watch you try to figure out how to fix him.

You don't even have to ask what happened because Luke is telling you all about it. It's pretty predictable, Solomon tried to cook something again and Simeon made the mistake of agreeing to try some. He couldn't find a way out of it that time, so this was the result. Solomon himself had left to see if he could find a cure. So Luke was just sitting around at Purgatory Hall, freaking out, until Solomon came back.

Turns out you don't need Solomon to figure this one out. You're a sorcerer, too, and a good one. You examine the food in question and while it's hard to tell what exactly the cure for some of Solomon's food is, you decide on true love's kiss. This is based entirely on your expertise as a sorcerer. Standing in the kitchen, you pick up Simeon and kiss his fuzzy cheek. He turns back into himself, smiles at you, and kisses you back. What a sweet way to be cured. But he's going to need a little more of your time, MC.

Solomon

You show up at Purgatory Hall for your usual magic lesson only to find that your teacher is nowhere to be seen. You look around his room and research area until you find a cat with silvery fur and grey-blue eyes. You can tell just by looking at him that this is Solomon. Not only because of his coloration but the fact that he has the expression of an absolute menace while somehow still being a cat.

You're about to grab him, but he's off, running around the room, climbing on things, just generally experiencing life as a cat. You're sure he already knows what to do to fix himself, so you almost just turn around and leave him. But when you're at the door, he meows plaintively, so you sigh and turn back. He's already trying to do magic in his cat form and failing miserably. You better change him back quickly because who knows what this guy is going to get up to like this.

It doesn't take long for you to see that this was the result of an experiment. All the evidence is laid out on the table - books and various magical implements and a notebook full of Solomon's handwriting. You read through it and find that he has already figured it out. In fact, you're thinking he might have done this on purpose. He knew you were coming, after all. And he knew what the cure was, too.

You're going to need to call him over sternly. He'll come and act all sweet about it, rubbing up against you and purring. You pick him up, put him on the table in front of you, and kiss his nose. He turns back into himself, sitting on the table, legs on either side of you. He laughs. He knew you could do it, MC! He knew you would figure out the cure. You get to decide if you're angry with him for doing this on purpose or not. Either way, you won't be able to stop yourself from kissing him again.

Luke

You're sitting in your class, minding your own business, when something small comes bolting in, followed by a couple of concerned looking demon brothers. The small thing stops at your feet, clinging to them desperately. This is painful because claws. You demand to know what's going on, picking up the shivering fluff ball. It's a little cat with white-blond fur and blue eyes. It's the halo in the eyes that gives it away. This is obviously Luke. It's Beel who tells you what happened - they were working on curses and this one accidentally hit Luke.

He's absolutely freaking out. Now that he's in your arms, he's clinging to your uniform like his life depends on it. He's doing that low mewling growl as he glares at the demon brothers standing nearby. His tail is twitching fast in irritation. If anybody else tries to get close to him, he hisses.

You hold onto him until school is over and then you take him to Purgatory Hall. Once there, you explain to Simeon and Solomon what's going on. Simeon takes Luke into his care, since he's the only one who can do so without getting bitten. You and Solomon then work to find a cure for this predicament.

Solomon finds a spell he can use as a counter-curse and casts it on Luke. He turns back into himself, clearly still extremely stressed. Won't you stay for a little bit, MC? He's had a rough day. Give him a hug and promise to stay by his side for a little while as he recovers from this mortifying ordeal. At least he was turned into a cat and not a chihuahua, right?

masterlist | part 1 with the brothers | Thank you for reading!

[ssahotchnerr]

carving pumpkins with the boys <3 making a HUGE mess and getting it all over your clothes and aaron is just like sighing with the cutest lil smile bc be loves you guys sm but he's like "damn, should have bought aprons 😟" LMAO

AHH YESSS 🥹

aaron being a lil weary over carving pumpkins 😭 like he absolutely LOVES the activity and thinks it a must-do every year, but he hates the smell, the mess, scooping all the pumpkin guts out, and the seeds and all make his hands superrrr itchy 😭 SO you just buy him a pair of gloves to wear, and promise you'll light candles as soon as you're all done to get rid of the smell :D but aaron just ends up being mainly on supervising/taking pictures/cleaning as you go duty LOL

you cover the dining room table with newspapers to make the mess pick-up somewhat easier, but it's inevitable 😭 pumpkins guts are going to get everywhereeeee - like jack attempts to scrape the guts out with a little too much force (it's not his fault >:( the pumpkin strings are stubborn, sweet jack's not the strongest just yet 😭 and you offer to help but he mainly wants to do it 🥺 you just fine tune towards the end) so when it does come off - seeds just FLING into the air and shoot right back at the three of you, or land on the floor rather than the table 😭 jack thinks it's hilarious, especially at his father's reaction 😭 heheh aaron's just all :| this is fine, and you're laughing along with jack, but OF COURSE aaron can't even pretend he's not having a good time 🥹 hehe his softie smile just continuously appears on his face and he just feels so content and he just loves the sound of his two favorite people happily laughing 🥰

with the guts gone - aaron sketches face onto the pumpkin, with jack glued right at his side instructing him on what to do, with you offering suggestions - hehe jack wanted a scary face >:) but it's about as scary as it can be for a six year old LOL. and he started to go REALLY into detail on the face - you have to talk him down to a simpler design for aaron's sake/in awareness of his pumpkin carving capabilities 😭 and then aaron himself also carves the face out due to the sharper tool too - no one's getting injured on his watch 🫵🏻

and the end result 🥹 a perfect not-so-scary pumpkin <33333 (and a mess 🥰 SO that's when aaron says 'next year, we're getting aprons' LOL) and of course he has to take a picture of you and jackers grinning right next to it 🥰 it ends up being his november lockscreen <333

[wordy-little-witch]

Incorrect quotes bc I need some dopamine-

It's long and this is a mix of shit I've heard in my life, random scenes my brain conjures up, and the result of a ridiculous amount of cold medicine.

Roger pirates edition!!!!

Roger: hey buglet, what have you got there?

Buggy: a bomb! :o3

Roger: .... ah. Seems like something a responsible parent would never let their child play with.

Buggy: :o(

Roger: good thing I'm a captain!

Buggy: :oD

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Shanks: Bugs?

Buggy: what?

Shanks: would you love me if I was a worm?

Buggy: .... hmmm....

Shanks: you have to think about it?!??

Buggy: well duh! We're pirates! We're on a pirate ship, dumbass! How would I keep a worm alive, let alone happy and safe, on a pirate ship?? Not to mention all the different species of worms! What kind of worm would you be?? What kind of care would you need? It's a big question- *goes on a tangent about worms, worm care, and is slowly working himself into a panic*

Shanks, who just heard a landlocked girl ask her boyfriend it and wanted to ask buggy bc he thought it would annoy him: .... a h

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Rayleigh: .... what do you have there, Captain?

Roger, holding a baby in a treasure chest and another, smaller baby in his sash: an ADVENTURE!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Gabban, trying to teach the kids their numbers: one~ twoo~ threeee~

Shanks: t'wee!!!

Gabban: right! And what comes after three? Do you know, Buggy?

Buggy, with the confidence of a pirate toddler: FUCK!!

Gabban:

Rayleigh, appearing out of thin air, menacing smile in place: :)

Gabban: :/

Buggy and Shanks: :D fuck fuck fuck!!!

Rayleigh: remind me to kill Roger later, please.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Crocus: alright boys. Let's work on that math, okay? So, Bug, if you had seven treasure chests-

Buggy: yesss!!!

Crocus: focus! Seven treasure chests. Now Shanks asks for three of them. How many treasure chests would you have left?

Buggy: seven.

Crocus: no, Shanks asked for three of them.

Shanks: it's okay, Buggy, you can keep your treasure!

Crocus: no- I- okay, Buggy has seven chests. I ask for three of them. How many do you have left?

Buggy: seven.

Crocus: okay, I'm not asking, I am taking the three treasure chests by force. How many do you have now.

Buggy: seven and a corpse.

Crocus: .....

Shanks: ......

Buggy: ......

Crocus: ................ is this why Rayleigh made math time my job

Buggy: probably. I bit him last time.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Whitebeard: Roger! I never expected you to take on children! Taking a page from my book, are you?

Roger: something like that hahaha! Eddie, meet my brats! This redhead here is Shanks, he's a tough little cookie.

Shanks: hi!!

Roger: and the bluebelle here is Buggy. He's my little cupcake!!

Whitebeard: aw, because he's small and sweet?

Roger, smiling widely: no, because cupcakes can easily contain many varieties of mortal harm, I have learned, and he is small, cute and deadly.

Buggy, pouting: it was one time!!

Roger: three times, and that's not counting that one time with Garp and the arsenic

Buggy: >:o/

Whitebeard:

The Whitebeard pirates:

Roger: isn't he the cutest??

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Marco: GET YOUR FUCKIN CLOWN-

Shanks: he don't bite

Marco, trying desperately to shake Buggy off of his leg: YES HE DO, HELP-

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy, 3 years old, slams his sippy cup onto the table top: I need a dwink.

Sunbell, trying not to laugh: aw, what's up, little man?

Buggy: S'anks is twyin' my patience. Gimme da good stuffs.

Sunbell: okay. Apple juice or-

Buggy: wum.

Sunbell:

Buggy:

Sunbell: baby bug, rum is for grown ups. How about some milk?

Buggy: no. Papa Rayray has wum when cap'in is being extra dumb. And S'anks is being extra EXTRA dumb ri' now. I need wum.

Sunbell: ...... alright then-

((He does not in face give Buggy rum, but he DOES make a point of saving a small rum bottle to fill with cranberry juice for future reference.))

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Rayleigh: hey, buddy, what's wrong?

Buggy: I have a headache that comes and goes.

Ray: aw, here, let's go to Crocus-

Shanks: hi, Buggy!!

Buggy: there it is.

Rayleigh: ..... yeah Crocus can't help with that.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy, laying on the deck at 3 in the morning:

Roger: bugababy, what are you doing up?

Buggy: what is the point of life, if not only to suffer? What is the purpose of being here if it's all a cyclical preordained destiny of agony and heartache? Why would the Spirits see fit to put us into this hellscape if not for their own sick amusement-?

Roger: Buggy, is this because Shanks ate your gummy worms?

Buggy: that red haired fucker knew they were mine-!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Shanks: hey, Captain? How does one confess their undying love to someone?

Roger: just because I'm with Rouge doesn't mean I know how it happened, son.

MEANWHILE

Buggy: hey, mom?

Rouge: yes, ma fleur?

Buggy: I think Shanks is in love with me.

Rouge: neat. Do you love him too?

Buggy: unfortunately.

Rouge: nice.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Rayleigh: I didn't choose parent life. Parent life came to me, mid-drink, in the form of an unhinged adult man, and then expanded further with the addition of two tiny humans.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Roger, with Shanks in a front facing baby carrier: you know what's cute than one baby?

Random pirate enemy, trying to figure out why this man showed up to a fight with a baby:

Roger, turning to show Buggy in a carrier on his back: two babies!!!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy @ Garp: were it not for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.

Gabban:

Shanks:

Rayleigh:

Roger: I mean.... we're pirates, so laws-

Garp, sweating, who just set down a draw 4 in Oro Uno: No, kid's right, gotta listen to the law

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Rayleigh: I have no fear

Shanks, pale and shaking: Buggy hasn't slept in two days he's making bombs

Rayleigh: I have several fears.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Sengoku: Garp, you've been acting strange ever since you came back from your last excursion.

Garp: no i haven't.

Sengoku: you just leveled a circus tent after seeing a bunch of clowns.

Garp, having flashbacks to being bitten by a tiny clown, thousand yard stare: their joyful levity is a lie

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: if I had a nickel for every time I had a traumatic experience on this damn crew, I'd have enough to pay for my therapy bills.

Shanks: if I had a nickel for every traumatizing experience I had here, I'd have enough to pay for my drinking problem.

Gabban, looking at the 11 year olds: .... maybe pirates aren't built for being parents.......

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Whitebeard: I fear no man.

Also Whitebeard, thinking on that first time he interacted with Buggy one on one: but that thing..... it scares me.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

BONUS CROSS GUILD CONTENT

Buggy: it's hard being Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, Cover Girl, but a bitch makes due

Crocodile: how did you survive this far

Buggy: I may have had rabies

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Mihawk: why does Shanks huddle in a corner when someone plays circus music

Buggy: bullseyes are red.

Mihawk: what does that have to do with-

Buggy: throws a knife and hits dead center of an apple, some unknown source playing circus music in the background

Mihawk:

Buggy:

Mihawk: this explain so much and yet so little

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Crocodile: have you been sneaking money

Buggy: I would love to do that, but unfortunately the clap of my big dumpy cheeks would alert you to my hiding place.

Mihawk, fighting a migraine: do you ever think before you speak

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: hey, want a card reading?

Crocodile: a what

Mihawk: you read cards?

Buggy, laying a card down: oh, look it's a Caterpie.

Croc+Hawk:

Buggy: I means you're a douchebag.

((Buggy does in fact read tarot cards, smth he and Mihawk eventually bond over))

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy, after almost dying part 2847164917: no mister reaper we have to stop meeting like this....

The guy who just shot him with seastone: what the fu-

[tallulah-spins-in-brain-24-7]

“Confidential experiments” written interviews, results, egg statuses, and finally thoughts and theories   

First, the interviews.

Q: Questions 

N: Cucurucho’s notes 

R: egg responses

Q: who are your parents? 

R: Philza and Missa. 

N: Correct. 

Q: which parent do you spend the most time with?

R: Philza 

N: correct 

Q: what have you learned from your parents? (Asked x2) 

R: to trust yourself and the closest people around 

N: trust 

Q: do you feel weak? x2

R: not much different. I’m okay. I don’t feel weak 

N: said not much 

Q: who are your parents? 

R: Badboyhalo and baghera 

N: correct 

Q: how are you currently feeling? 

R: like killing certain bear in front me but also than that nothing 

N: threatening behaviour 

Q: have the cookies made you happy 

R: cookies is cookies so I guess yes 

N: yes. 

Q: who are your parents? 

R: Foolish y vegetta 

N: correct 

Q: do you hate anybody? 

R: hay que ser sinceros? (Do we have to be honest?) la sunny (the sunny) 

N: sunny

Q: do you feel weak? 

R: debil??? no, yo soy fuerte y mamadisima (weak??? no, I am strong and very [slang for] ripped/strong) 

N: no 

Q: Who are your parents? 

R: mamae Bagi Mami mouse mama Niki and eomma tina

N: correct 

Q: have the cookies made you happy? 

R: I trusted you it would be safe and that trust killed me. Change the baker of the cookies. 

N: no 

(Em says “also passa tudo bubble blower) 

Q: what do you know about the federation? 

R: you could give me my life back, but I’m not perfect enough am I

(Cucurucho says “good”) 

N: odd behaviour. Needs observation? 

Q: who are your parents? 

R: PA TUBBO POP SLIME MA LENAY :D 

N: correct 

Q: what have you learned from your parents? 

R: THAT IM THE CUTEST :D 

N: useless. 

Q: what do you know about the federation? 

R: MY STEP PA WORKS HERE :D ILL TAKE OVER SOON >:D 

N: threatening behaviour

Q: who are your parents? 

R: apa Quackity apa Marianna y apa roier :-D 

N: correct 

Q: what do you value the most? 

R: que mis apas sean felices asi muy muy felices :] (May my parents be happy, very very happy.) 

N: very parent-oriented 

Q: who do you get along with best on this island? 

R: con mi bestie Leo, mi awelo foolish y soulmate empi! :D (with my bestie Leo, my awelo foolish and soulmate empi!) 

N: trusting behaviour 

Q: who are your parents? 

R: Fit and Pac. U should know. 

N: correct? (Pac?) 

Q: do you hate somebody? 

R: maybe. But that’s personal right? 

C: maybe. 

N: hides 

Q: what do you know about the federation? 

R: only what the federation wants me to know. That’s what u do right? 

(Cucurucho says: “yes”) 

N: needs observation. 

(Ramon says: “can I ask you to make the island less homophobic? Would be great”) 

(Cucurucho says: “good”) 

(Tallulah is defended by Ramon and chayanne, who are pushed back by workers. Cucurucho says “no” and watches Dapper steal paint. Adds note that says “steals” on dappers profile.) 

Q: who are your parents? 

R: papa Phil, papi Wilbur, pa missa 

N: correct 

Q: do you hate somebody?

R: no mames Cucurucho. Maybe. 

N: maybe 

Q: what do you value the most? 

R: I value quality time, something papa Phil and chay gives me :D 

N: family-oriented behaviour 

(Cucurucho says “good”) 

Second activity: Egg fights/Combat analysis 

Eggs are then given a totem of undying and a stick, put in a room and told to fight. 

Chayanne vs Empanada. Chayanne won 

Dapper vs pepito. Dapper won. 

Tallulah vs Ramon. Tallulah won. 

Sunny vs Leonarda. Leonarda won. Ramon rushed in to stand protectively in front of Sunny, placing himself between them when sunny was killed. Tallulah* called sunny/Ramon a cheater.  (*edited because I originally wrote pepito on accident)

Cucurucho then leaves, and talks to three workers. 

Cucurucho: I need the wearabouts of the two missing eggs. No excuses. 

(Worker nods) 

Cucurucho: they have improved well. The federation will be happy. But they are not perfect. 

Cucurucho is then handed this book by a fourth worker: 

Then, we have the egg statuses:

Conclusions, thoughts, and theories

New info: 

- Two unnamed eggs (Definitely A1 and Hope)

- Richas is in group four. Why? He’s meant to be in tallulahs group, but this implies he’s from another batch. Would explain why he’s smaller. Also, maybe why he knows so much about egg island? 

- earlier in the stream, there were files for the eggs. Basically barrels containing their assessments and reports on development. There were two barrels labelled ▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️(presumably “memories” which is another name for hope) and ▪️▪️▪️  ▪️▪️(egg a1).

My Thoughts/theories

One of either hope or a1 is dead. My bet is on a1 being dead, considering we saw her fall into lava on screen in one of Quackities streams. Hope, or memories, however, has no proof on her status. Aside from that image. My bet is hope is alive. If so, where is she? Are the batches labeled in order, or are they judged by success in development? Which would explain why Richas is group four: he’s considered the worst egg to the federation. He doesn’t back down, he’s reckless, he’s impulsive, he’s against the feds.He threatened Cucurucho. He doesn’t listen to orders. Hes untrustworthy. This is how the federation views him. A1 couldn’t do basic parkour, and struggled to write. Hope? The federation deemed her unworthy.Tallulah was likely meant to be batch 4, considering she was abandoned in the adoption centre just like hope was. But then with Phil’s care, she “leveled up” so to speak. 

(it has been pointed out to me that Memories/Hope is actually listed as group 2, which is listed as deceased. Meaning Egg A1 is likely the one who is alive, which will certainly be… interesting, when they meet Quackity again. Poor kid. I’m still holding out, well, hope, that hope is alive somewhere.)

I believe sunny is on thin ice, because of the notes that Cucurucho made in her developmental report. 

And where did pomme and Richas go? They were seen in the library where Cucurucho found the eggs, but must have snuck away at some point. I think the fact that they were left behind will have something to do with the rescue mission they’ve been planning for Cellbit and Baghera. 

thank you for reading! If you’re interested, I finally got around to making my hope design based on the egg models:

https://www.tumblr.com/soot-spins-in-brain-24-7/741070126497038336/my-design-for-hopememory-egg?source=share

(Also the lovely egg divider is by @thegoldendaystrikesback)

[delcakoo]

stop you're making me want to reread harry potter </3 ravenclaw!won has been stuck in my mind for DAYS

slytherin!reader who's in a relationship with ravenclaw!jungwon and is mean and cocky to everyone except won i am in shambles

slytherin!reader x ravenclaw!won random hcs!! ✧.*

STOP OMG anon this idea made me all giddy insidE i adore the ‘im mean to everyone but you’ grumpy x sunshine trope sANJSHS AND WITH RAVENCLAW JUNGWON AHHHH this is a bit longer than i planned but uh. enjoy JSHSJD

your boyfriend aka the biggest nerd on the planet (ravenclaw moment) doesn’t even see it most of the time

but the way you treat him in comparison to pretty much everyone else at hogwarts is VERY different

you could be like. about to fist fight someone or seconds away from pulling out your wand and hexing a gryffindor’s ass

all 😐😡😡👿👊💥

but then jungwon just

“y/n!!! :D” WITH THE CUTEST LIL SMILE AND OH GOD HIS DIMPLE :(

SUDDENLy every hint of rage and anger in your body just poofs into nothing and you’re just SMILING because there’s your sunshine with his cute nerd glasses and mountain of books

“wonnie!” you let him give you a big hug and the random gryffindor you were about to fight is just 🧌😦 in the distance

“guess what i learned in herbology today!!”

if pretty much anyone else asked you that you’d give them the most disgusted face imaginable and just.

“the fuck would i care? 🤨”

or

“when?”

“uh i think it was last satu-“

“did i ask? ☺️”

listen you’re just a very honest and straightforward person!!

but when it’s wonnie <3?

you quickly take all the books in his arms and lead him away with a smile, “what, baby? tell me all about it ☺️”

and by now a majority of the students in hogwarts knows not to mess with jungwon

because doing so immediately means messing with you too 💗

you’re extra strict on this because in the past your boyfriend did get bullied a lot for well. to put it simply, being a ravenclaw

luckily though, you were able to find out their names 😊😊😁

at first you were going to use magic but.. lets just say your knuckles were sore and bruised for the next week ❤️

doing the damage yourself was so much more satisfying y’know 😍

of course jungwon didn’t find out about all that.. at least you think

though he does get suspicious whenever one of his bullies stop even sparing him a gLance 🤨

when he confronts you, you just say karma did it’s thing and smile evilly 🫶

(little do you know, jungwon can read you like an open book and knows damn well you did it <3 however your cute proud smirk makes him decide to let you have this one 😞)

but if your revenge ambushes ever result in you getting any kind of injury, he’s always quick to bandage you up with a disapproving frown :(((

he sighs while whiping up your bloody knuckles, “seriously, i hate seeing you like this more than anything. why would you do that for me?”

you scoff, completely nonchalant with a small smirk on your lips as usual

you could care less about your fists when in the end, your boyfriend isn’t being picked on

“that’s a pretty dumb question for someone as smart as you, love”

he groans, “no y/n, really! they’re not worth your time, revenge isn’t the—“

“it is. it most definitely is the answer baby.” you grin, he sighs “now stop worrying about me and come give cuddles ❤️”

another thing jungwon gets away with all the time is bossing you around

you fr just take it like a champ every time without a word because only HE can tell you what to do

if anyone else tried to…? 😬😬

for an example scenario. you’re doing a group project in potions with jungwon (<333) and his other nerd friends

being surrounded by so many losers almost had you throwing up but you pulled through for won since you knew he wanted to be with his friends too

this didn’t stop you from being a dick ❤️

“hey y/n, can you grab the frog eyes?” sunoo gestures from the cauldron your group is watching carefully

“didn’t even say please,” you mutter, “who the fuck are you to tell me what to do four eyes?”

poor boy shuts up for the rest of the project T-T

“y-y/n,” jake would stutter nervously, refusing to make eye contact with you, “can you maybe g-“

“ask me to help one more time and i’ll stick that stirring stick up your ass”

but then jungwon sighs, making you frown because wait, is he disappointed in you or something??? :((((

“babe, you’re not contributing at all, go get the missing ingredients on this list at least”

you pout

he sounds so unimpressed :(

of course now you’re feeling needy so you rush to get everything for him and bring a bowl full of the ingredients back with puppy eyes

jake and sunoo are absolutely flabbergasted

but your bOYFRIEND who you thOugHt was an angEl from heaven STILL gives you a disapproving look :(

“thank you, now apologise to my friends please,” he asks strictly

WHY IS HE TREATING YOU LIKE A CHILD IT MAKES YOU SO MAD AND SAD AND GRRRGHH

your frown deepens, trying to lean in for a kiss at least but JUNGWON MOVES AWAY FROM YOU???

“won…”

“apologize and you can have a kiss”

your eye twitches but you’re so desperate

so you turn to those

those two

gargOyles.

and murmur out a “sorry, i promise to help from now on,” without making eye contact once with either of them <\3

at this point sunoo’s jaw almost fell off because THE POWER HIS FRIEND HAD OVER YOU?? popUlarly known as one of the meanest students in the school??????

you dont even wait for their reply (because you frankly dont care) and turn back to wonnie who’s now- UAHSJHSN HE’S SMILING HE’S PROUD OF YOU?!!! :D

you pucker your lips in anticipation and he gives you a dramatic mmmmWAH

after that you’re just so giddy and happy and help by doing whatever jungwon asks and ignore the other two <333

secretly jungwon feels like his heart is about to explode because the soft spots you have for each other is 🫶

AUGHH my favorite trope ever sushjsbsh thank u for the lovely req <3

[liaarxse]

hiii I love your work and you're probably busy with a lot of requests but,, I was wondering if you could mayyybe do a super tough, neutral, intimidating but chill s/o with the sweetest hidden heart they're protectin so people don't think they're weak or worry about their emotions? 😭 with mitsuya, kazutora, and sanzu? Even if you can't I wanna say thank you cause you work super hard for super great work :D hope you're well! <3

I was almost brought to tears. Thank you so much 😭💕

Don't worry, apart from the continuation request for my last work and yours, I don't have any LMAO

I've never written for Sanzu but I'll do my best !! <3

Heart of gold

Characters: Mitsuya Takashi, Kazutora Hanemiya, Sanzu Haruchiyo

Warnings: None

A/n: What if dare dared every single one of y'all to send a request? Would you? 😨

— Mitsuya Takashi

Husbando here

So, Mitsuya worries about you

Doesn't matter if you're a pro at hiding those damn feeling behind some sort of invisible shield

Mitsuya has x-ray vision when it comes to you

You CAN'T fool this man

Well, you fooled him in the beginning, but still

He knows how you feel and why you're doing it, but please

Don't act like that when you're alone with him

Let the man love you y/n

The first time he met you, he swore somebody shoved a stick up your ass

You were either not showing any emotions or were frowning

Like, even when Nahoya cracked some half-ass joke, all you did was just "puff"

???

Bruh

But Mitsuya was INTRIGUED

We know the man doesn't judge, so instead of making fun of you (like that giggly bastard would), he opted to trying to befriend you

Which worked a bit TOO well

The first time he saw you break out of your shell was when you met Mana and Luna

Like, the moment Mitsuya left the room and only Mana and Luna were with you, you just started beaming

But how can you not? They're the cutest kids ever

And come on, they're kids. They can't harm you or anything, so there was no reason for you to hide it

And they LOVED your smile

Later, when you went home, the girls didn't stop talking to Mitsuya about it

And he was shocked

Nah

Flabbergasted

Who's the one with the stick up their ass now?

The following day, he called you over to talk about that

You were kinda disappointed when you found out the girls said that because what if Mitsuya finds you, like, weak or something like that?

Yeah, no

He loves you, and he made sure to let you know you could express your real emotions when with him

And that's when he saw you smile for the first time

And he swore to cherish it for the rest of his life

— Kazutora Hanemiya

You knew banana since y'all were kids

Like, you knew Mikey and Baji as well, but after some time, you just split apart

Nobody knows why

You just woke up one day and you never saw him again

Until now, when you're dating LMAO

You were always this, intimidating kid

You had the worst glare back in the day, which led to you always playing with the toys you wanted from the other kids

Now it scares away creeps and assholes

Which Kazutora LOVES

But sometimes he gets scared too

He's tried so many times to get you to smile

Poking your cheeks, making funny faces and sounds, doing stupid shit, watching funny videos with you but nay

You didn't smile

Sometimes, you gave him glares, which resulted in him almost shiting his pants

But he loves you nonetheless

The first time he saw you break out of your shell was when you were going back to his place, late at night while it was raining.

Thankfully, you had an umbrella that you shared so you didn't get soaked

And it was pretty romantic ngl

He gave you sweet looks, smiles, winks

And you didn't even notice them

Ass

What you did notice was a small kitty on the side of the road, drenched

And you had too weak of a spot for baby animals so you stopped in front of it and gently took it in your arms

You held it right next to your chest, keeping it warm

And you were even slightly smiling

You didn't even notice when Kazutora snapped a picture of you

You looked up at him with your usual harsh look, but it melted away, just for tonight

You both gave the kitty a quick bath and food back at his apartment, pretty much adopting it

And unbeknownst to you, his shared petshop it the future holds your name with the picture he took that night, framed on the wall

— Sanzu Haruchiyo

I'm a Barbie girl in a not so Barbie wooooorld

Life with drugs, it's fantastic

You can't brush my hair, but let me kill you any or everywhere because I forgoooot

You like my version of Sanzu girl?

I know you do

Anyway how did you meet?

Bitch I have NO IDEA

You were friends with Senju (love her sm)

You've only seen him a couple of times, didn't even talk, so how did it happen???

Y'all just randomly started dating

I mean, Mucho probably knows

Oh wait he's dead

ANYWAY

You're dating, and you're both happy

But nobody knows that

They know you're dating, but not that you're happy

He wears a mask, and you're constantly bitching around so they think it's just forced love or something

He's a master manipulator after all

Obviously not the case

But how did they find out?

You were out with Sanzu and some other Toman members when, all of a sudden, some guys from a rival gang approached them

It was obvious they wanted a fight, but you, unbeknownst to anyone except Sanzu, knew how to fight

So, in the blink of an eye, you both just wrecked their shit

And were LAUGHING

Maniacs

The other Toman delinquents didn't even try to take part, they just sat there and stared

Some were fighting back, others tried to run away, but not no avail

Mercy isn't a word in your dictionary

And neither was losing

So, you both finished them pretty quickly, of course

After all that, he removed his masked and kissed your cheek while you were both still grinning from the adrenaline

Cutie pies

Which just got exposed to everyone since a gang member took a picture of you and sent it to half the gang

Ah shit

Y'all didn't even mean to expose yourselves like that

But they didn't have the right to do you like that

So

You did what any other person would do

You kicked them in the nuts

But who cares?

In the end, all it matters is that you love each other

How cute <3

Maybe run from the police now <3

[itzsana-kiddingmenow]

Longing:

𝒍𝒆𝒆: Jisung

𝒍𝒆𝒓: Minho

𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘤 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘪𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘶𝘱 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘦𝘢 𝘪 𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨! 💗🧋

𝕥𝕨: anxiety, belly button tickles, cheer up tickles

𝕥𝕒𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥: @someone-who-loves-kpop-saranghae @jeonginsdiary @leeknowstan33 @v--143 @wereallgonnadieonedaybutnottoday @inkytornpages @lajanaa

Being someone who has anxiety personally, I tried to truly put into words what it feels like. I hope you all enjoy 🤞🏼

Even breathing felt daunting to Jisung. He had been teetering on the edge of a huge anxiety attack all day, and no words could even describe what pain he was experiencing.

It was unpredictable, messy and overwhelming, powerful and insidious, so unexpectedly deliberating. 

Jisung could feel his heart rate pick up, his slow breathing turned into quick gasps for breath, and waves of panic agitated his whole body. 

He gasped and whined in pain, tears began to flow down his cheeks, and he desperately sobbed for relief. 

Jisung tried to stop crying or shaking or anything. He couldn’t let anyone in the group see him in this state. 

Except one person. 

He grabbed desperately at his phone, feeling guilty. 

‘He’s in dance practice. You’re disturbing him.’ His brain told him. 

The guilt only fueled the anxiety, and Hannie panted, his lungs suddenly didn’t work, and he could feel his vision going blurry. 

He shakily dialed the number, dropping the phone once the call was on speaker. 

His hands were too weak to even hold his phone. 

‘Hello?’ A voice drifted through the air, and Jisung almost weeped in relief. 

“Hyung.” He gasped, body shaking with more sobs. “H-Help me. Please…I c-can’t breathe…” Hannie wheezed painfully. 

It was never normally this bad, however today was different. 

“Please. D-Don’t hang up on me…I need you…hyung.” Jisung let out a few more tears, splattering against the dark screen of his phone. 

Nothing. Lee Know didn’t say…anything. 

Jisung clenched and unclenched the fabric of his shirt, sobs finally racking his body as guilt overwhelmed him in waves. 

‘He doesn’t care about you. No wonder he isn’t saying anything. You’re pathetic…’ His brain told him, and Hannie only sobbed harder. 

Then the door opened and shut, and a pair of arms wrapped around him 

His hug was stronger than anything Hannie had ever felt before, firm but not restricting, soft but not loose.  

In that moment, feeling him so close, Jisung was awake somehow, more alive than he had been all week. 

Minho’s chin came to rest on Hannie’s head, rocking him back and forth gently. 

Minho cared. He didn’t mind the tears now soaking his shirt. He didn’t mind that Jisung was vulnerable. He didn’t care about his practice, but more so Hannie’s feelings. 

“Hyung.” Jisung’s broken sob split the silence in the air, only filled with his tears. 

Lee Know could feel his heart tighten as he only pulled the younger closer, letting him know that he didn’t need to say anything, and that he would be there. 

About an half hour of silence passed between the two. 

Minho’s arms were starting to feel numb, but he didn’t care. 

He pulled away before wiping the tears off his dongsaeng’s face, which was exhausted and timid. 

“You know…” He started gently. “I must have given Hyunjin a heart attack with how fast I ran out of there after you called me. I know you’re feeling guilty. I’m so glad you called me, because now, I get to take care of you.” 

“Do you need anything? Cheesecake, cuddles…me?” Lee Know adds on cheekily at the end, resulting in the cutest giggle from the quokka in his arms. 

Jisung had an idea. A spark that would really help him relax. 

“Hyung…can you do the…thing?” Hannie guided Minho’s hands to his waist, pressing a little.  

“Oh? You want me to tickle you? Okay…where?”

Jisung squeaked at the word, his ears turning bright red. He slammed his hands over his face.

Lee Know decided not to tease the poor boy today, considering he was already pretty flustered. 

“Where do you want your tickles, Sungie? I’m all yours~” Minho whispered in Hannie’s ear, and the boy only went redder and whined. 

“Here please? Just…there.” The younger guided Minho’s hand to his bellybutton, pressing lightly into the button. 

“Hm? Why there Sungie?” Lino asked, still clearly confused. 

“Um..It’s kinda…superticklishpleasejustdoitdontteaseme.” Jisung blurted out. 

“Awww! Your bellybutton is ticklish? Well, I already knew that, but i’ll just focus on this little button today, how about that?” Lee Know cooed. 

This only made Hannie whine, flustered beyond belief and incredibly needy for tickles. 

Lino decided to get started, pinning the quokka’s arms under his torso, allowing the older to have full acces to the quokka’s belly. 

Minho lifted the younger’s shirt, sending a teasing poke at the exposed belly. 

“nOhoho!” Jisung giggled when Minho menacingly scribbled once over his belly. 

“Cutieee~” Minho cooed as he rubbed over Hannie’s sensitive button, eliciting strained squeaks of laughter. 

“What a ticklish…little belly button.” Lino teased, circling his finger over the small spot. 

“pleeeease hyung!” Han whined as he tried to buck his hips to meet the finger. 

“Move again, and you won’t get your tickles.” Lee Know told him sternly, a mischievous smirk playing on his lips. 

Minho ducked his finger down, tracing the rim of the button with his fingernail, and just that small gesture had Jisung whining through his giggles, twisting his head side to side. 

“ahahaha! ihihit-AGH!” He suddenly screeched when the swirling finger dipped inside for a split second, pulling out a moment later. 

“no! go bahahack!” Jisung giggled when the finger scratched over the area, not allowing for a moment’s break. 

“nohoho teheheasing!” Hannie whined when Minho sent another smirk his way, clearly amused. 

After another five minutes of the torturous scratching, Hannie let out a frustrated scream when the finger dipped in again, just to go out seconds later.

Then Minho dipped his pinky in, and the laughter that Jisung let out made the cat dad feel like bottling it up and selling it. 

“HYUUUNG! HAHAHA! IHIHIT TICKLES SO BAHAHAHAD!” The quokka only burst into more boisterous laughter when Minho scribbled along the area with his other hand. 

The older only let up after multiple kisses to the belly button, which had Jisung squealing every time. 

Lino shuffled into the bedsheets, determined to cheer up his friend with a movie night.

i hope you enjoyed! please check my intro post before interacting! love ya! 💕💗💖

the beginning of this fic rlly hit different

i feel like today is the right day to post this...i really need comfort ig

[kingsandbastardz]

So from Day 1 or 2, Kachine (the youngest in the cast) came right out and told everyone he thought Xiao Shunyao was the cutest of the cast and doubled down in it. Apparently, through living end working together, Kachine dealt with so much cute aggression that, with the others egging him on, he told XSY he wanted to RUA him (webspeak for like... squeezing/petting due to cuteness?)

And the result?

Thank you, Lord Kachine, for xsy's suffering 🙇‍♂️ 🤭

(Clipped from the mangotv preview for episode 11)

Hey, XSY made it to trending searches! :D

Cr forest spirit selfie: Kachine's Weibo

Oh and fyi, he's the one that begged XSY to let him put leaves on his ears when they went hiking

[h0ney-gl0ws]

Fire Emblem Boys! Parenting Headcanons!

Here’s a short collection of headcanons of how the fire emblem boys are as parents! Includes characters from fire emblem engage and three houses!

Characters are: Kagetsu, Ashe, Claude, and Diamant

Word Count: 896 (approx)

Kagetsu: I saw a video of a man doing this challenge to hang from a pull up pole for 100s, and he did it with a baby strapped to his chest, yeah, that’s Kagetsu

Kagetsu would totally give his babies rubber knives and stuff for fun. He wants his kids to be powerful fighters when they’re grown up after all.

Speaking of that, Kagetsu would totally sword fight his kids once they’re old enough and have at least learned the basics.

Kagetsu when his kids are older: “Finally a worthy opponent, our battle will be legendary!”

Kagetsu sometimes would go too far during training sessions, and his wife(you ;) ) would have to tell him to reel it back in. Kagetsu would feel bad and let his kids win after that. Pretending to be real hurt by their hits and all that. “Oh wow! Look at how strong you guys have gotten! You’re able to take even me down.”

Kagetsu’s wife would totally step in to have some fun as well with play fighting Kagetsu. And it turns into a real fun family bonding moment. “Aghast, my own love betraying me?! How could you!” Lots of giggles from the kids during and after.

Overall, very good dad 9/10.

Ashe: Oh, you know he would just be the sweetest dad ever. Ashe’s kids would just be the cutest little angels.

He’d teach them how to cook and all teaching sessions would end up being a giggle fest in the kitchen usually with flour all over the place.

Ashe’s kid: pours 90% of milk on the floor and 10% into the bowl. Ashe: Great job buddy! :D

You know he would teach his kids to have the same morals as him. In that everyone deserves to be shown kindness and to have a second chance. He doesn’t shy away his past from them, and wants to make sure they understand how his late adopted father’s kindness changed his life for the better.

He really cant resist when his kids come home holding bunches of kittens or puppies, and even on one occasion a snake, and you’ll have to step in to be the voice of reason like “no you cannot keep 12 cats in our pantry, put them back.” Lolol

Ashe would give you the puppy dog eyes too when your kids start to pout, and it definitely didn’t work and you definitely didn’t keep one of the kittens

In conclusion, cinnamon roll dad 10/10

Claude: Claude’s not a regular dad, he’s a cool dad XD

He wants his kids to be comfortable on wyverns so he takes them flying often. You worry of course, but he always assures you he is right there with them, and they are perfectly safe. Plus seeing the kids excitement as they try to explain to you how cool flying is, eases your worry plenty.

Claude’s kids would end up being little rascals, running around the halls of the palace, playing pranks on royal staff. Usual rambunctious kid stuff.

Claude has almost certainly assisted in their little tirades, especially on the ones directed at Lorenz. He once got them to replace all of the sugar in Lorenz’s tea with salt. Claude got quite the earful after from him, but Lorenz couldn’t prove anything.

That’s not to say that Claude can’t be a responsible parent when he needs to be. If his kids were getting involved in something that would put them or others in danger, you bet the stern dad voice is coming out and he’s teaching them why they can’t be doing that.

Very nice dad overall, his family wishes he could spend more time with them, but I digress 7/10

Diamant: This one is a difficult one for me, as I try to portray them as the best dads they can be, however I see Diamant’s best as…rocky.

I feel like he would be overprotective, he’s very worried about anything bad happening to them. As a result of this he can be a bit overbearing.

On the other side of the spectrum, when’s he’s not being overbearing he can be distant. His anxiety over running the kingdom, and his own insecurity about being a father can cause him to push people away, and as a result you would be doing a lot of the parenting.

Of course all of these tendencies come from a place of love. He wants to be the best father he can, he’s just not great at navigating his emotions.

Every night, however, when your kids are tucked into bed you can hear him whispering stories about how great of a king his father was, and your kids fall asleep hearing tales of how amazing their grandfather was.

You also see them showing interest in his training. They love watching him train, and often times want to join him. which is great because he wants to teach all of his kids self defense. He wants them to be able to protect themselves when he’s not there after all.

In the end, his kids adore him even if he’s not the greatest parent at times, and you know that this is just another chapter of life you will be able to work through together. 5/10

[toxicanonymity]

BuzzFeed Quiz: Which joelkemon are you?

we have another buzzfeed quiz! courtesy of @missannwinchester and @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog 🥹🥹🥹 Thank you 🫶🫶🫶

Also: which are you most compatible with?

The possible results are: Raider 🖤 Lincoln 🖤 Trouble 🖤 Stepdad 🖤 Thighs 🖤 Night Walks 🖤 Jojo 🖤 Vamp. (See also, Joelkémon cards)

Share your answer on this post in a comment or reblog 🥹 I'm raider.

Text version of quiz choices below the cut (you can dm the choices if buzzfeed is inaccessible for your vision)

Pick a plant: Monstera, palm tree, apple tree, cacti, ranunculus, fake plant, red rose, wildflowers

Pick an activity: walking, going to theater, bbq, sunbathing, driving, arts and crafts, gardening, crying silently

Pick your breakfast: waffles, leftovers, who needs breakfast?, coffee, buttered toast, eggs, cold pizza, watermelon

Pick song lyrics: 

A. "Come and tell me what you're thinking, 'Cause just when the boat is sinking, A little light is blinking, And I will come and rescue you"

B. "I wanna be your slave, I wanna be your master, I wanna make your heartbeat run like rollercoasters, I wanna be your good boy, I wanna be your gangster, 'Cause you can be the beauty and I could be the monster"

C. "Oh, give me something to take the edge off, Something to kick the night off, Something to keep my mind off, This so called life"

D. "If you'd like making love at midnights, In the dunes of the Cape, Then I'm the love that you've looked for: Write to me and escape"

E. "You're the cutest jailbird I ever did see, I sure would be delighted with your company, Come on and do the Jailhouse Rock with me"

F. "The taste of love is sweet, When hearts like ours meet, I fell for you like a child, Oh, but the fire went wild"

G. "I'm tripping on the edge, High as a kite, I'm never coming down, And if you hear me, guess you know how it feels, To be alone"

H. "When you looked over your shoulder, For a minute, I forget that I'm older, I wanna dance with you right now, Oh, and you look as beautiful as ever"

5. You would never: bungee jump, trap a spider under a cup, cause a scene in public, be the first one to say i love you, eat something you absolutely hate, say no to a trip with friends, purposefully disappoint your friend, let others make decisions for you. 

6. Pick an animal: Bear, jellyfish, bat, monkey, panther, racoon, wolf, pug

7. Kindness, loyalty, sense of humor, trustworthiness, beauty, open-mindedness, independence, empathy. 

8. Choose a dress: a. long, red, flowy sleeveless; b. blue floral plunging neckline halter top half with black skirt, c. black, strappy, leg slit. D. shortsleeve red floral minidress, e. red floral tank top dress f. Wedding dress. G. white tshirt dress, h. White floral dress with a sash

[strwberri-milk]

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Heyo there!!!

Soooo how ya doin??? Great??? Great!!! Anyway, I have request. You can do this prompt for any genshin men but bonus points if it's Kaeya or Diluc. Why?? Bcs this pompt is... what if reader had an older protective sister who's like Panty from Panty and Stockin??? Basically, she's very extroverted and playfully mean towards reader as she spouts insults at her but she's never serious about them even if it seems like she is. Although she can seem mean to reader, she can also be all like:

"Ugh, you're just the cutest and smartest little shit in the world!" *starts peppering kisses on readers face as reader groans.*

And

"Do you know how lovable you are right now? Seriously, everyone one should have a sibling like you!"

And she's very protective and hostile towards readers s/o but she eventually warms up to them.

Anyway, thank you!!!

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ive combined the two a bit bc. i think theyre kinda smilar in some regard!! :D

The two of them didn't know what to do when confronted with such a...strong personality. Of course they both know what to do from a social etiquette standpoint but they almost don't know when to interject in conversation.

Neither of them bat an eye when it comes to the insults since they're used to that from each other, especially if they're post reconciliation. I see the two of them as having a "hostile" relationship that's really all just jokes at the end of the day.

They also both understand that there's a good chance they're going to be ridiculed for a while by your sibling because of how protective they are. To them, they're glad that you have someone like that in your life taking care of you. They will indeed do their best to get on the good side of your sibling, knowing that if they want to be with you then your sibling needs to like them.

Diluc might find your sibling a little too overbearing for him and his social battery drains quickly, but he's very good at hiding the issue at hand. He'll stay quiet and nod along, adding comments when he has something he wants to say but for the most part he's content with just sitting off to the side and just listening.

Diluc is a little easier to win over your sibling's favour. He's polite and charming and he knows exactly what to say. Unfortunately, your sibling clocks this as a result of him being a wine tycoon so he's going to have to prove that he's genuine with what he's saying.

He manages to win your sibling over in a quiet moment of intimacy between you two. Your sibling snuck into your house to surprise you after knowing you had a rough morning. They were about to jump out and surprise you when they heard Diluc's voice lowly speaking to you, comforting you earnestly and peppered with soft kisses. Resisting the urge to gag, they snuck back out of your house and gave you the seal of approval the next day.

Kaeya's a little better suited to your sibling. I like to imagine he's really quite timid when he's by himself/with people he's quite comfortable with so your sibling is definitely draining his social battery and limited extroversion. He can recharge with alcohol but it does have its limits.

When the three of you are all together your sibling definitely ribs him a little harder since he easily parries the jabs politely. He doesn't want to make any mean jokes to them without really knowing their boundaries, which might at first make your sibling think he's a bit of a wuss. Not only that, but his silver tongue makes them think he's a conman, not really trusting him with your heart for the fear that he'll just turn out to be a playboy.

He wins them over when someone starts blatantly trying to hit on him. Your sibling was expecting him to entertain the flirts before brushing them off, not Kaeya just fully refusing to look at them and only doing so to match the challenger with a hard glare. When they scurry off your sibling is treated to Kaeya's very embarrassing ramble about how much he loves you, ending with a very messy kiss to really top things off.

[ateezrecsandreviews]

ATEEZ OT8 FIC RECOMMENDATIONS

@ateezrecsandreviews Ateez OT8 fanfic recommendations :)

3 newly added fics at the end of the list (2023.06.04)

Back to the Recs Masterlist

**<-NSFW

pirate king (pirate!au) - chasingatinydream (251k words)

You've escaped the gallows, run through a battlefield and stowed away on a pirate ship named the Treasure, all in the span of a single day. Even better, you've lost all your memories and have no idea who you are, where you are or what you are doing here. Then you meet the Kim Hongjoong: Pirate King, captain of the Treasure, the ruthless ruler of the Caribbean Seas.

**as the world caves in - @mintsang (55k words)

a mysterious virus has taken over the world, resulting in the undead and the new ‘eden race’ of humans. desperately trying to find your brother jongho with your friends, you stumble across another group in an abandoned hospital tent. strangely, they’re looking for him as well.

**The Circle Jerk Fic - ATEEZpresent (6k words)

I mean .... you clicked on it I apologize for nothing The title says it all but also there's angst and Mingi is the cutest bean ever

**The More The Merrier - @barnesbabee (2k words)

You got in trouble with your Master, but the punishment was even better.

**Let’s Have Some Fun - @barnesbabee (3k words)

A scenario in which you and your friends are very comfortable with each other. Maybe too comfortable.

**ATEEZ REACT dom!reader - @barnesbabee (800 words)

Kinktober Day 4

**Helping Hands (Wooyoung focus) - @atiny-dazzlinglight (5.6k words)

Wooyoung tried to relax from all the promotions with pleasure. It was going well until he opened his eyes to see San and Yunho.

**Night Shift (series) - @atiny-piratequeenenequeen (75k words)

Kim Hongjoong is the new CEO at KQ. He forms a team of… somewhat reliable men to help with a project to improve the company. Unfortunately, his workers seem to be focused on extracurricular activities.

**Kiss of Chaos (Seonghwa focus) - @tenelkadjowrites (102k words)

When a spell goes wrong and you are blocked off from your magick, you track down the most powerful witch in the city - Seonghwa - to try to fix it. As Seonghwa asks his coven for help, the two of you find yourselves increasingly attracted to one another. But will it be impossible for both Seonghwa and yourself to allow the walls that have been up for so long to come down and let each other inside?

**Dryhumping with Ateez - @ithinkilikeit-reactions (1.3k words)

**[D]egradation - @barnesbabee (2.4k words)

You find out your friends that you always thought saw you as "one of the boys" didn't exactly see you like that.

**The Type to (Valentine's Edition) - @sorryimananti-romantic (3k words)

[george228732]

Two creachurs that are cute as all earth, are probably op, results of experimentation by a more ''intelligent'' species, I just had to draw them together (Also because Elfilis is the cutest creature in the universe.)

Elflis made by @jojo-schmo :D