#this is the only thing I could draw all week due to motivation

[buddstar-hugger]

Hugs!

[lovestuckstarz]

Since I'm too sick to draw him here's a little thing about my little guy, Berry!

This AU is just called Bad Dads AU, nothing fancy but its essentially a multiverse where Berry never aged to an adult as a genocide happened far before Chara fell and Core Frisk to the OT and the MTT just yoinked him

Heres just a big copy paste from the unfinished carrd :3

P.S. if you draw him i will cry

🥕 Berry is from an Underswap timeline that was doomed from the start. A human fell down before Chara would and did an all complete genocide route minus Berry himself.

🥕 Core Frisk then took Berry to the Omega timeline. Berry was around 4 at this time.

🥕 Months later after Berry turned 5, the Murder Time Trio appeared needing some healing help after a mission. Dust spotted Berry and since he had never seen a kid Sans like this, he asked Core Frisk what his deal was.

🥕 Dust, who shockingly was good with kids, had Berry hang out with the three until they were properly healed. Berry seemed to like Dust so Core Frisk allowed it.

🥕 What Core Frisk didn't allow or expect was the three to kidnap him and bring him back to Nightmare's castle. Their motive was solely because they had their own troubled up bringing, they resonated with Berry and knew no one could understand him besides them most likely.

🥕 Despite this belief, Berry does not remember anything but knew he had an older brother but doesn't even remember his name.

🥕 Nightmare was unaware of Berry's existence for a whole two weeks, assuming the boys just bought a dog until one morning he walked in on Berry eating cereal in the living space.

He reluctantly agreed to keeping Berry there

🥕 Overtime Berry met Error who became his 5th honorary dad due to Nightmare's relationship with Error.

🥕 Saejun would become his 6th honorary dad once Murder Time Trio takes him to Farmtale the first time.

🥕 Cross becomes more like a older brother to Berry over time and is why Berry likes tacos. In turn this would make Epic family as well to him

🥕 Ink, Dream, and Fresh would all become his uncles when they went to the anti void and caught Error and Berry watching undernovela.

About Berry in general:

🥕 Berry's timeline is Underswap #33

🥕 Berry does not remember his Papyrus

🥕 The only thing he has left of Papyrus is the bracelet he never takes off

🥕 When the genocide occurred he was 4 years old

🥕 He is 5 years old when the Murder Time Trio kidnap him from the Omega Timeline

🥕 He has ADHD and HPD

🥕 He sleeps in Nightmare's room for the first few months due to not being able to sleep well plus they needed to set him up a bed room

🥕 He can barely read but not write

🥕 Dust calls him Kiddo

🥕 Killer calls him Bunbun

🥕 Horror calls him Bluebell

🥕 When playing pretend they all call him whatever he wishes for that day

🥕 He is home schooled

🥕 His room is space and bunny themed

🥕 He gets agitated if they make him wear anything but his shoes with the paws on the bottom

🥕 He likes watching the boys spar

🥕 He likes bunnies

🥕 He loves space

🥕 His favorite family member is Error because his sneaks him sweets from Underfell

🥕 His least favorite family member is Ink because of his dads

🥕 He hates being alone

🥕 He likes school because his dads make it fun

🥕 He likes to draw a lot

🥕 He loves swimming and water in general

🥕His favorite location is Nightmare's garden

🥕 He loves being read stories

🥕 He loves playing dress up and his dads are more than willing to comply

🥕 He doesn't like talking about what happened because he doesnt remember so it stresses him out

🥕 He loves hide and seek but the paw's on the bottoms of his shoes him away

Family Dynamics

🥕 Nightmare and him have an odd relationship. Think of it like how a dad says they hate the family dog but spoils them. He says he could care less about Berry but spoils him and puts him before the boys. He also reads to Berry a lot and helps him with schooling.

🥕 Error doesn't like kids due to canonically not liking intense emotions such as crying but over time has gotten use to Berry. Also their love of sweets and space sort of helped Error find a way to make him not as upset.

🥕 Killer and Dust are pretty one in the same as Killer isn't to be trusted around Berry due to being a dumbass with knives and Nightmare doesn't want him to accidentally do something stupid on top of how Killers stages can be. Due to this, Dust and Killer are usually with him at the same time and usually watch TV with him and let him watch them fight one another. They also are bad influences on him.

🥕 Horror isn't that keen on kids like Error but that is because I love big Horror so he's more scared he's gonna pull a Mice of Men and accidentally hurt Berry. They do cook together from time to time, mainly just Berry watching. Berry also uses Horror to threaten those he doesn't like LOL

🥕 Cross is like a older brother to Berry, often getting him not to do stupid stuff Killer and Dust try and get him to do. They mainly just chill and Cross is like those two but not as chaotic.

🥕 Epic is just that cool annoying uncle to him, nothing more nothing less

🥕 Fresh is also this but Berry likes Fresh more

🥕 Dream is also like an Aunt to Berry (I love you trans fem dream) and hangs out with Berry if things at Nightmare's gets too chaotic and Nightmare needs at least one kid out of his tendrils. Berry is honestly the reason these two can even be in a room together mainly on Nightmares end since he wants Berry to be better than them. Berry likes Dream's positivity powers though and I like to think she can make little sparkles out of it and he gets excited over it.

🥕 He hates Ink for literally no reason but because his Bad Sans family telling him to LMAO

🥕 Saejun and him have a sweet relationship due to Berry liking bunnies so let's him take care of them if Horror brings him over and they pick berries together (heh).

[mageknight14]

What It Means to be Friends: The Differences between Neku/Beat and Rindo/Fret 

I’m feeling in the mood for another TWEWY analysis post and for today’s topic of discussion, this will be centered around Beat and Neku’s friendship in comparison to Rindo and Fret’s own and how they contrast in very interesting ways that are reflective of their respective game's writing styles.

I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that Neku and Beat didn’t exactly get off to the best start in the beginning of their relationship in the original. Hell, if anything, they flat out disliked each other. Beat saw Neku as nothing more than an emotionally distant asshole who made his little sister feel bad for trying to help him out and Neku saw Beat as nothing more than an overly emotional idiot who’s way too energetic for his own good and initially wants nothing to do with him.

There are little cracks that start to form in the walls between them, however, where their respective duos start coming together to help each other out in the Game and they start to form a little friendly rivalry between them. Mostly on Beat’s side since Neku could care less. However, that bit of bonding gets interrupted by a cruel twist of fate: Rhyme’s sacrifice and subsequent erasure. In which Beat, in a mix of grief and desperation to save his little sister, begs to and subsequently joins the Reapers, much to Neku and Shiki’s shock.

And then, Kitaniji asks Beat to do one task to show his dedication to the Reaper cause: kill Neku! (and Joshua). Initially, Beat tries to draw upon his dislike of Neku from the start of the game to motivate himself into completing his task but he just can’t go through with it no matter what, a feeling that only gets worse when Neku gives him Rhyme’s pendant that he dropped, thus invalidating Beat's previous resentment towards him. Seeing Neku go out of his way to return something precious to Beat even after he had antagonized him throughout the week causes Beat to drop his animosity completely and the next time we see him, he’s rescuing Neku from a unwinnable scenario by becoming his partner in Week 3.

From then on, we see Neku and Beat’s dynamic start to become more whole, opening up to each other more and helping the other through their struggles and ultimately culminating with them becoming genuine friends by the end. By the time W3 starts, they’re the only actual Players left in the Game, in the middle of a life-or-death situation, AND have the entirety of the UG after them due to Kitaniji activating Emergency Call. With circumstances like those, it’s no wonder they become as thick as thieves. Beat relies on Neku to help keep his head on straight and set him on the right path so that his temper and rash personality doesn’t end up screwing them over when things get rough, something Beat can't afford whatsoever when it comes to his mission of trying to save Rhyme.

Likewise, Neku relies on Beat to help keep his feet moving instead of allowing him to wallow in his own head when aspects such as Hanekoma potentially becoming the Composer becomes emotionally and be strong enough to catch him when he stumbles and falls. On top of that, he also trusts Beat’s emotional intelligence and honesty in matters such as when Beat convinces him to spare Uzuki and Kariya.

You see this dynamic persist in NEO as well even after all of the time they spent separated, in which Beat is heavily implied to have physically searched for Neku throughout all of Shibuya (remind you of anything?) and even take up some of his aspects, like the headphones, to honor his friend. And considering how Neku has helped him save his little sister and supported him when the chips were down, it's honestly no wonder.

Beat even flat out admits to Nagi that he was in some measure putting up a front to mask his fears and doubts and is quite calmer when Neku is around compared to NEO’s weeks 1-2. Not that his hot-blooded energy is gone but he notably isn’t as prone towards picking fights or shouting. Meanwhile, Neku is out of the loop after having been away for three years but Beat is again there to pick him up where he falters and help guide him around. The two of them are best friends through and through.

By contrast, we have Rindo and Fret, whose dynamic is quite different from Neku and Beat’s but is nonetheless just as well-written. I think the start of the game does an excellent job at setting up their relationship, where their early dynamic is fully on display in which Fret drags Rindo around and Rindo just casually goes with it despite internally bitching and moaning along the way. Like Beat and Neku, their friendship is mutually beneficial towards the other but in a much more casual and "shallow" way that’s very interesting.

They both want to be around one another in order to cover up for each other’s faults and their flaws feed into a loop that prevents the friendship advancing so that they don’t have to try but when it actually comes under serious strain, the flaws are exposed. Rindo being closed-off and content with just letting things stay on the surface level is perfect for Fret since he doesn't need to address his true feelings whatsoever and also fulfills his desire for someone to talk to because Fret is a pretty social guy and the class clown, letting him ignore his own problems. For Rindo, Fret allows him to also fulfill his desire for social companionship while not digging too deep and delude himself into thinking he’s autonomous and avoid the hurdles that comes with decision-making, which Fret is aware of and fine with because he’s more of a follower. The restaurant choice at the beginning of the game is a perfect example of this. At first glance, you think it’s just Rindo making a choice until you realize that it’s mainly Fret narrowing down the choices for Rindo without his input and he’s perfectly okay with that.

You also see this pop up again when Fret makes Rindo the leader of the group ALSO without his input so that he doesn’t have to get emotionally invested in the role and put the spotlight on himself. And initially, both are content with this and continue this dynamic throughout the first week of the Game, that is until shit hits the fan in Week 2. With the stakes becoming far more apparent and serious than they initially thought, and having to start another Game after getting cheated out of their victory, along with Sho just flat out ditching them and leaving the team to fend for themselves, tensions start to rise high between Rindo and Fret, which this ends up putting a strain on their relationship and we see the flaws in the friendship get exposed.

They start becoming more casually dismissive of each other’s interests whereas before they were just cool with whatever with Rindo not giving any regard to Fret’s interest in fashion and Fret mocking Rindo’s friendship with Swallow out of frustration, where Fret is pushing for Rindo to do anything regarding them considering Swallow's obvious involvement in the Game, and Rindo doesn’t want them to get upset so he pushes the issue away for later. Whereas Rindo is getting frustrated with Fret's self-defeatist attitude while not doing anything to help out with the situation that they're in, thus having them go back-and-forth and arguing with one another.

What makes this hit harder in hindsight is that this aspect was always apparent when you look back at the beginning. They bicker, like, a lot and the most noticeable example in W1 is the Nagi argument, where Rindo doesn’t see how she can help, worried about being held down by strangers, while Fret pushes for recruiting her, worried about having to handle a tougher burden on his own.

The part where they were in the ramen shop at the start of the game also does a good job at setting up this kind of relationship. Fret didn't know that Rindo played FanGO or was friends with Swallow, which heavily implies that they don't know that much about each other before entering the Game and later on, you see how Rindo constantly keeps Fret at arm’s length and opens up mainly to Swallow while Fret didn’t even talk to Rindo about his best friend that committed suicide. And in Week 2, these aspects become far more pronounced and the two become far more prone to taking passive-aggressive shots towards one another, culminating in their argument at the end of W2D4. I think what Rindo says to Fret in particular here is pretty telling of how he doesn't think that Fret is taking the situation seriously in spite of him actually showing otherwise what with his constant prodding. It's also hilariously indicative of Rindo's hypocrisy considering how he's constantly relying on others' input before making any actual decisions on his own, such as with Swallow in the very next scene and the day after.

However, despite all of this, they still do genuinely care for each other. Rindo’s first use of Replay was spurred on via wanting to save Fret from getting flattened by a truck and Fret is always pushing Rindo towards becoming more and more decisive in small ways. Most notably, when everyone except for Rindo gets erased by Soul Pulvis and he’s the only one to make it back to the UG, who’s the first one he calls out and tries to look for? Fret.

I’ve seen some people complain about how Rindo and Fret’s friendship doesn’t feel especially deep when compared to some of the other relationships in the series when I’d argue that’s the entire point. They’re not childhood friends who know every single thing about each other from the start unlike some JRPGs out there or a duo who starts off hating one another before gradually becoming closer to one another due to the stakes of the situation they’re in. They’re really casual school friends who keep each other at arms’ length out of an attempt to keep themselves protected. Their relationship is interesting to analyze because it's layered, much like a real friendship would be, due to them dealing with their own personal issues. And yet it never feels like one can just call it shallow or deep and have either be a definite despcriptor, just a well developed bond. Fret is still reeling from his previous best friend’s suicide and Rindo has social anxiety out the ass so their bond makes perfect sense.

And on top of that, they do gradually become closer to one another. Fret starts taking Rindo’s interests more seriously, even becoming disgusted at Motoi on Rindo’s behalf and sad for him as well as showing understanding to him concerning his Swallow situation.

And Rindo starts taking Fret more seriously as a person, with W3D3 being a prime example. He brings up the possibility that Kanon is acting strangely and might be possessed, brings up calm, rational points that the others have no choice but to agree to and doesn’t try to force Fret to keep his feelings for her down, rationalizing that there might just be another way to save her and assuring him that it’s ultimately Fret’s choice because he respects his input. And when Fret shows up anyway to try and save Kanon, he doesn't hesitate to support his buddy in his endeavors and does his damndest to help. On top of that, he becomes far more supportive towards Fret’s interests, particularly with EleStra, and is happy for him.

I think that shift from the ingenuine to genuine is what NEO excels at with its character relationships and by the end, you can really see Rindo and Fret really coming together as friends that genuinely respect and trust one another.

Neku and Beat’s friendship is much more bombastic and in-your-face while Rindo’s and Fret’s friendship relies on the more little details and I think both work well for their respective game and themes. You have the story of a distant and hostile kid having developed into a more personable young man using his lessons to relate with a seemingly gruff and bullheaded guy only to find a shockingly self aware young man who hates himself and lost his only support become more sure of himself vs. the story of two seemingly close friends grinding against each other due to their underlying issues surfacing, deepening their bond through their honesty and growing self-awareness. The first is more conventionally written while the second is a bit more subtle and requires deeper inspection in order to get the full picture.

[floofyroro]

With my ✨golden birthday✨ approaching, I think I’ll finally post part 1 of my Crosshair/fem!reader fic this week. 👀

I’m itching for feedback so I think this will be good motivation to polish and edit this week so that it’s ready to be uploaded by Sunday evening, CST.

Here’s a sneakpeek in the meantime.

Consider it a small taste of what’s to come. 🤫

The Herbalist

Summary: A year after rescuing Omega from Tantiss, Crosshair is still adjusting to life on Pabu. You're the island herbalist who has just returned from a year-long pilgrimage on Naboo. As you familiarize yourself with the island newcomers, you grow close with Omega, who becomes your little helper in the gardens. Somehow, you continue crossing paths with her intimidating brother and you find that you're drawn to his elusiveness. (Slight AU because Tech is alive.)

His name is called amidst the clamor of the crowd and Crosshair squints as he scans his surroundings, only to find Omega waving from a corner stall. The humidity clings to Crosshair as he parts through a throng of people and he’s lost track of how many times he has cursed the climate. The familiar training blacks he’s worn for most his life were recently confiscated by Omega, in the name of ‘relaxation.’ 

You need a fresh start. I think most things hold memories, whether good and bad, she had argued.

After that, their unconventional squad were given the island’s finest garments made of kelpcotton and linenfiber, courtesy of Shep. The boys knew it was all Omega’s doing as it has her fingerprints all over it. Crosshair shoves thoughts of his beloved training blacks aside when he’s met with Omega’s eager energy as she stands next to another stall.

She’s practically beaming as she holds a jar up to him. It’s seemingly filled with an organic mixture of sorts, the contents rolling to one side due to Omega’s tilted grasp on it. She then pops the lid open and a waft of earthy aroma hits Crosshair’s senses immediately. 

“Do you recognize it?”

Before Crosshair can even respond to Omega’s prompt, his brother interjects.

“Our evening tea!” Tech leans in closer to sniff. “We made our last brew just last night. Excellent thinking, we’re in need of a restock.” He winks at her then, and Omega nods in resolve, snapping the lid shut. 

She then motions behind the stall, bringing attention to you. 

That overpowering aroma of tea hits Crosshair's senses once more. You emit an air of quiet confidence as you stand surrounded by what he surmises is your livelihood; hanging foliage, dry and fresh alike strung together, creating a cascading effect around your stall. Vitality is the word that resounds in his mind, perhaps due to the nature of the items you’re offering to sell. 

And maybe due to the healthy glow of your skin.

Omega tugs at his sleeve, drawing his attention from you. 

“You’ve been sleeping better at night, right?” 

He pauses to consider. It’s been evident that the past two weeks have garnered the most restorative rest Crosshair is able to experience. Nightmares still plague him most nights, but considering his sleep over the past three years, the difference is night and day. He ignored Wrecker’s comment the other evening that he no longer resembles a human skeleton and that his skin has lost that dull, transparent sheen to it. 

One could also blame that on the relentless sun, Crosshair had countered. 

Or on the meditation! Omega had chirruped.

So, Crosshair waits for Omega to continue because surely she has some sort of agenda to share. 

“Well, that’s thanks to the herbalist,” Omega finally says, pointing to you. “She’s been showing me how to take care of the island’s garden plots and greenhouses.” 

A connection is made then; when Omega wants a break from training, whether that be piloting with Tech or hand-to-hand with Hunter, she’ll disappear from the household until it’s time to commune for dinner. She almost always returns with tousled hair and a thin layer of dirt coating her skin. Your name is mentioned in passing during their evening meals but Crosshair has never thought twice about you. Now he’s putting face to name and realizing that she’s been assisting you all along.

[hisbrunetterootsnumberonehater]

okay so i am feeling like going on a little rant so!!!!!!!!!

i love my boyfriend SO much. i love everything about him like seriously.

i met him in 2021 and honestly the second i got home i was telling my mum all about him, i never thought id meet someone i admired as much as i did him let alone have him be my friend!! it was at a really scary point in my life actually because i was about to come out as trans publicly to my school a couple of weeks after i met him and he was already out when he got to my school!!! he made me feel so at ease about it and honestly such a coincidence like that almost makes me kinda believe maybe we were like... meant to met???? i know that's really cheesy but honestly it's hard for me to believe it's possible any other way, i mean,,, i live in a TINY town and meeting someone so perfect for me was never something i could have expected

also when i met him i was in a pretty rough depressive episode where i was missing a lot of school and struggling to get up in the mornings but since meeting him it has become significantly easier to get out of bed and do things, he motivates me daily just to do little things and i appreciate him more than anything for that.

i've been through a lot with him through all of the time that i've known him, we've basically talked daily since we met and i don't know where i'd be without him honestly /pos

he helped me a lot on my journey with discovering and understanding my neurodivergence and he has been nothing but compassionate and supportive towards me the whole way, he's somebody who really understands me on a deeper level that i feel like nobody else in person has come close to before, and it feels amazing. i don't feel misunderstood on any level around him and i feel like i can truly unmask around him without fearing driving him away or annoying him.

also he's just. so good to me all of the time. not even just when i'm upset but he's such a sweetheart and has made me feel really content and satisfied in myself as a person and also in the things i do just due to him being so supportive and loving regardless of what i'm doing. he makes me feel pretty and also makes me feel proud of myself for lots of different little things that i do in my daily life. i could never feel more loved by him. he's a great person and he means the world to me.

even when we were just friends this dude was just. absolutely perfect who let him be this amazing???????? seriously man??????

we've shared so many moments together of all kinds of different emotions and i wouldn't trade a second of any of it for the world

he just makes me feel so happy and hopeful for the future and everything that will come with it, i can't wait until we can finally live together and i can fall asleep next to him every single night

being in love is just. such an amazing feeling especially being so deep in it NOT TO MENTION having it reciprocated so strongly i could not ask for anything more than this genuinely

he is so admirable in so many ways and he constantly motivates me to do things ranging from getting out of bed to doing silly little drawings to planning out my future even if he isn't directly trying to do any of those things he still does it and i could not thank him enough for that

not only is he my boyfriend but he is also my best friend and when i say that i mean it wholeheartedly. we are very romantic towards one another but we also spend a lot of moments just giggling and talking about little things, sometimes he makes me believe in soulmates i'm gonna be completely real on this one

i still remember our first kiss from a few years ago now, we were in the school library and we'd been talking about wanting to share our first kiss for a few days and we were both really nervous but he ended up initiating it - it's really sweet to think about seeing our development in our relationship from then to now and how kisses aren't as big and scary anymore

also since we're getting older now we get to sleep over at each other's places a lot more often and getting to wake up next to him ejdkhdfbj/vvpos whenever we live together my back will never be cold again

sometimes i just want to throw him into the sun /pos /aff

also have i mentioned how pretty he is without even doing anything to put any effort into it???????? dude could have the craziest bedhead known to man and i will still be smiling my ass off staring at him he is just so beautiful i hate eye contact with most people but his eyes are just so pretty

also also im starting to put together this little trinket box of things i have from dates we've had / memories i have with him and it makes me soooo happy to have a lot of little silly things like that

we listen to music in the car / in class together a lot too and i get so giddy just indulging in songs that he likes and that remind me of him ehshdhfhef music is great and so is he

he is so important to me and i feel really important to him too jfhjhkfbgjkf i love him sooooo much i feel so safe around him

have i mentioned we've been together for two years and counting btw :3 our anniversary is 04.04.22 best day ever fr

i dont think i could ever nor have i ever looked at somebody the same way i look at him

i could just ramble for houuuurrrssssssssssssss

have i mentioned how much i love him yet because i love him a lot

im going to calm down now ive been typing for a while giggling.... but hes my everything

[ask-the-totally-real-peppino]

(I have been trying to write this post for a while, but it keeps coming out like a sob story, and it is really not that deep jkfdgkj

So I am just going to say it, bc you guys know I love to ramble for ages, and I need some opinions

1 year of this blog is tomorrow (or today depending on how long I take to write this kjldfg), and I really do appreciate you all being here - if you have been here since the beginning, or just followed recently - if you've sent an ask, liked, reblogged, shared with a friend, theorised, made fanart, or followed me to my art blog and watched me make (and continue to make) a billion clones, anything; thank you

I made this blog on a whim, only like a week after getting into Pizza Tower, and I had no idea it would turn into what it is now

Of course, in the beginning there were a lot of actual posts, like with backgrounds and multiple characters, and I'd post several times a day if I could - and while I was having fun, it was not ideal - I'd frequently post at 7am after spending all night working on a post then I'd pass out, I'd forgo eating or showering just to draw, and I had wrecked my wrist several times, and continue to push pass the pain just to post

It wasn't just hyperfixation, it was obsession - much easier to realise that in retrospect

I was also medicated at the time, I had been on antidepressants for 3 years, so around April (I think) I ran out of meds and was unable to get more due too third party issues/unable to get in contact with my doctor/etc (and unbeknownst to me at the time, the last two packs I had were expired) - so I am sure you can imagine the sort of affect suddenly going cold turkey on the med that make you not wanna die has on a person - I was not doing great to put it lightly

But I still wanted to continue - so many people had praised me on the frequency of posts, and how excited they were and all this validation - I couldn't let people down! (Also I was, and still am, a disabled shut-in loser with no friends, posting is like the only social interaction I had/have kdfgkgfd)

But I think I did - I intimidated myself out of drawing main posts with how much work they were, started the intermission even though I said I shouldn't, had no script or direction and that I was not 100% invested in to try to motivate myself back into main posts, and it was just easier to draw silly ooc posts than do the thing I really wanted to do instead

Of course, this is not any of you guys' fault - I have always had this issue of starting something, it getting way bigger than I can manage, crashing and then just unable to get going again - I have so many unfinished comics, half-done projects and abandoned askblogs it's not even funny - but it's also like, not the end of the world, if I don't finish things I start for fun - sure, I'll feel guilty as hell for a while, but life moves on

So that being said, I would still very much like to continue the story here - I have been working on some stuff in the background (I even updated Pep's reference in the last few days, with a ton of new stuff), but I still don't think it's gonna be soon - I am doing somewhat better than I was, and I actually have an appointment for with my doctor finally (I will probably have to do some reassessments since they can't just put me back on the meds, after not having them for almost a year, and then I'd have to probably get reaccustomed to side effects etc), so despite it all I am still here

I am not sure if I want to continue the intermission with Bean and Fiend at this time - I know a few folks enjoyed it (mostly bc Fiend kjsdfkj) - but as mentioned previously it was unplanned, unscripted, and I was quickly not feeling it, as I am sure some of you guys were too - the intention was for Fiend to give you guys another hint to the main story, but getting to that point was not fun - I might do a poll on this in a separate post

I also mentioned a while back that I would be cutting down the Big Post into smaller posts, and posting as and when parts were done - but once again, do not expect these soon - (although there is a very late Valentines post coming hopefully soon)

And I think that should hopefully be it for now - I know this is a huge post, and probably still a bit sob story-ish, but oh well - I also know that the hype for Pizza Tower had unfortunately died down significantly, but I'm still working on PT stuff on my art blog @smalltimidbean if you wanna see more silly things (and maybe some lore for here hehe)

It is also the first now, so happy birthday Pep

Okay, thank you, and see you later)

[scruffyssketchbook]

I just mean that I have already seen people getting extremely confused about what is going on, for example the most recent post’s comment on the ask blog; as B31 is still pretty niche knowledge, even being mentioned on the main blog how it isn't talked about much on it. As such It’s generally a good idea to differentiate two universes instead of trying to mix the two, as that tends to lead to a lot of confusion and conflict on both the writer’s and viewer’s side and can leave a bad taste in readers mouths who feel like the new lore is slandering the past, think Hasbro’s disastrous MLP G5 shift that alienated viewers and caused lots of confusion due to the rapid and extreme shift in background, setting, lore, redesigns, storytelling, characters, and a extremely rushed and abrupt dumping of the past generation. You would ideally want to start out, if time allows, gradually over 6-12 months, shifting from at the beginning content purely just of Universe one, to a gradual shift to only Universe 2 content over that time. People generally don't handle change well, and quick changes can quickly lead to instability, mild panic, and fear for the future.

😅 That’s a lot of text.

Yeah I’m just having fun 🥰

I am aware people are confused, I’m working on something for everyone to understand what’s going on, I just love Box 31 so much 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Like it’s to the point where I have no drive to work on ssec at all tbh. I’ve been typing Box31 stuff all day and I’ve been so excited and happy!! (I was planning Vay and Blizz things btw!!!) :D that’s why I want to share it!!!

But anyways.

I mean, I could just stop posting asks if it’s such an issue. The askblog was dead, and me doing these kind of asks revived it, I’m not going to draw SSEC asks, I have no motivation to do so. So you are just asking for me to stop giving out extra content, which I am fine with honestly. I don’t want to put in extra work just to make people angry.

I’m going to be taking a long (longer than a year) break anyways after this chapter, so if I stop posting asks completely, it’ll be a complete drought of ssec like content from me after the chapter ends until I finish up with what I have to do in 1-2 years. 🤭

Anyways, I want more opinions! Should I stop doing asks? I have stuff in the queue so we should be pretty good to make this poll go on for a week!

[quibbs126]

I can finally post this, after weeks!

But yeah, this here is something I made to celebrate the 9th anniversary of Evoland 2

Some people may remember this work in progress from weeks ago, but now I can finally show the finished product. Which I finished 2 weeks ago

It’s based on the 3D picture you get when you finish the game, specially the 100% completion, and more specifically, my screenshot that I took when I first completed the game and got 100%

Though I should probably also note that this was the only picture I had of the beach scene until I was mostly done with the picture, so there are some inaccuracies between it and the original. Except for Reno in place of the Prophet, that was completely intentional

This game was I think the first (and will probably be the only) game I’ve ever 100% completed, and when I did it the first time, it was just because I knew that games would have extra things for those who 100% it, and I wanted to see what the game would give me. It’s the only time I was so invested in a game that I had to know what I’d get if I got everything. It’s also the only game where losing nearly 10 hours of progress due to a (maybe) glitch does not make me give up the game in frustration, but instead complete the entire thing within a single school week

I may gripe about my issues with the game, but I absolutely love it, and I have a lot of fun playing it. Well, aside from the parts I’m bad at, but that’s just because I’m bad at them. I feel like I have next to nothing to complain about from a gameplay perspective (which is in part because I don’t know how to critique gameplay, but also because I think any issues I have are my own fault), it’s just narrative stuff. And even then, I wouldn’t nitpick it so much if I wasn’t so invested in the world, story and characters

Maybe today I’ll start replaying it again, seeing how I’m pretty sure I’m free today from any schoolwork

I’m still holding on to some admittedly delusional hope that a 3rd game could release one day, even if I know it’ll almost certainly have nothing to do with this one, but even if it never does, I’ll still have this game to play over and over again, so I can accept it

I was disappointed that I missed the last two, since I first played the game in 2022, but not this year, I remembered!

Now to just talk about the art itself, the reason there’s two versions is because I originally made the background lineless, but after finishing the characters I thought it maybe clashed a bit too much, so I made a duplicate of the picture to do a lined version. But I also spent so long on the lineless version that I didn’t want to just leave it in the void, so I’m showing it too

Admittedly now I think I can say the lined version probably is the better one, but I can still show off both

I used the card colors for the characters, since all of them have cards for reference, but now I’m looking at the colors and thinking they look somewhat wrong. At least on Menos

Also as mentioned prior, I switched out the Prophet for Reno. I know I’m biased but I really think he’d fit in this picture of all the main characters far more than the Prophet, considering he’s kind of the reason the plot started, the second half happened, and he’s the main motivation for one of our party members. I mean, I see why the Prophet’s there in the original. He’s really the only other semi-important character with a 3D model, and Reno never had one, so they’d have to make an entirely new one just for this extra thing. Also it doesn’t make sense for him to have a 3D model in the first place, especially not of his Present era self. But not only is this now a drawing where I have the power to do what I want, this scene isn’t canon in the first place, so put Reno in the background there!

Overall though, I’m honestly surprised the piece turned out as good as it did. Those who follow me know that I was really struggling with drawing during the summer, more specifically drawing people and the Evoland 2 cast. But despite all that, I think the characters turned out pretty well. Certainly not the best, but better than I was expecting. And not only that, but the background turned out so much better than I thought it would, especially since I don’t usually do backgrounds. Though I suppose it does help to have a reference for all this though. But yeah, there was a reason I was so proud of how the sketch turned out, and while the final product may not have entirely been what I was hoping for after the sketch, it still turned out pretty good

As long as I can remember it next year (which I really hope I can, considering that’s the 10th anniversary), I’ll try to make something there too, hopefully with much improved drawing skills, since I’m still trying to figure all that out again still

Not sure what I’ll draw then. Maybe I could redraw the beach scene, or make an entirely new beach scene concocted by my brain. But it’s also the 10th anniversary next year, so maybe it should be something more special

Ah well, that’s next year’s problem. For now, have this to celebrate the game’s anniversary. For the minuscule amount of people who actually play this game, I guess

[waxingrunes]

Heyy i saw your tiktok video on The Prank™ and I'm dying to know what your interpretation is on how it happened and how they made up, how it impacted them, you get the gist I just can't believe I haven't thought to ask before.

My HC/take/interpretation of The Prank, isn’t anything so special but I do think if I were to ever fully expand on it I’d make sure Sirius wasn’t so dogged down as he was over it. I think The Prank, despite it being canon, is sometimes very overdone and milked for its worth just for the sake of dredging up angst over and over again.

Now, do I think it’s important if you’re creating something within that verse, yeah. I think it’s a pivotal moment that shows some serious oversight on Sirius’ part. Sirius is notoriously tactile and quick witted, but I believe in his younger years he was quick to get a tad bit overexcited or enthused when it came to revenge and this was a prime example of that. He didn’t think about the consequence of his actions and had tunnel vision with the end goal of a, ‘aha!’ moment with Snape. Pure vengeance (good little Scorpio).

How I like to see it, is Remus, James and Pete were all shocked by this obviously but they didn’t spend weeks on weeks treating him like a piece of shit for it. I think the bounce back rate was quick, but the thick of the aftermath was hard. So Remus got angry fast but it was resolved quicker than most of the times I’ve seen it dragged out for. James wouldn’t ignore Sirius, it would just be strained for a few days while they worked through their own tension over Sirius’ blatant stupidity and selfish motives. Pete much the same, though I suspect he would be armed with a few nasty quips here and there which James would chastise him for, even if he was slightly agreeable to them. Pete would try to keep away from Sirius and encourage Remus to do the same so they could both “cool off”, whereas James is a man of action and want things resolving instantly. Though he wouldn’t lack the sensitivity of being naive enough to know the mending wouldn’t happen like that, it wouldn’t be overnight, he’s emotionally intelligent and a people person and would know when the line is about to be crossed.

Remus, I believe would be in disbelief for the first few minutes of hearing it, type of white noise blocking out everything that isn’t the information he’s trying to compute. I think he would turn physical quick, or at least want to, but not towards Sirius. His violent streak is often downplayed, something that is canon (though I have no interest in keeping things parallel to that or drawing similarities, but this one is important for the topic) and bred through Remus feeling somewhat constantly restrained and bottled up. He has a lot to say, but sometimes doesn’t feel he’s in the right space to say it, a confidence which he found in the comfort of his friendships with the Marauders and Lily. Despite his presence being a quiet, calm and reserved (albeit sarcastic) one, post Prank Remus was a ticking time bomb. Cutting corners, Sirius was fast becoming his world and the betrayal was like a jab to his gut, throat and balls all at once so that pressure valve was ready to burst.

The fallout would’ve lasted in total, a couple of weeks, three at the absolute most. Remus would begin in denial and then lash out physically, the product of which wouldn’t have bothered him due to his existing scars. The headcanon behind Sirius sleeping in Remus’ shirt is something I imagine as a segue in their relationship, the link between Moony = safe, Moony’s smell = safe, Moony’s clothes = smell, safe, secure. Home. Team that with Sirius’ family issues, it ties in well that whilst they were still denying their feelings for each other outwardly, the ball was rolling in the symbolic trade of Sirius wanting to be dowsed in Remus’ scent, only really ever feeling truly safe when he felt encompassed by him. So, cut to Sirius pulling the Prank and unwittingly simultaneously putting Remus’ life in potential danger and landing him in Azkaban for murder, it was Remus who didn’t feel safe anymore. And Remus, when feeling unsafe, will lash out and retreat. He was so angry that he wanted to level out the playing field and strip Sirius of the safety he found in that shirt, something that was an unspoken token between the two of them and therefore, even more sacred. It wasn’t just a fickle give me my shirt back, it was acute enough that Sirius would feel it and understand the icy intention crystal clear.

That night Sirius walked down into the common room wearing it for the first time (the next day) after the Prank, it would be the first time any of them had heard Remus’ full baritone yell. Soon as that man clocked Sirius, it was like pedal to the ground rage, instinct, you don’t belong in that anymore.

[kittydoodle]

i just wanna talk a little bit about my art journey the past few years, about my mental health related to it, and about my recently rediscovered joy in art. this doesnt have any real point, id just like to share (under the cut because its pretty long lol)

for a very long time, like several years, i was deeply unmotivated and uninspired to make any art. getting out of high school and eventually quitting my first job, i just felt really depressed, and with undiagnosed psoriatic arthritis putting me in worse and worse pain every day, i was lucky if i could even physically sit down and get a doodle out.

i also held myself to secret unsaid rules about how to create my art. no starting a piece unless i intend to finish it in the same day. no creating anything that isnt fully colored and polished. no making anything that doesnt have perfect lines or proportions im perfectly satisfied with. it stunted my self expression, it took all the joy out of making my art, and it made me upset because i believed i was somehow losing my passion for making art.

i sincerely believed i was growing out of my desire to draw, forever. i was distraught and grieving. i couldnt even draw things i was excited to, i would think to myself, "wow! id love to draw this idea!" and then id sit down and think about how id have to finish a full, perfect piece, and id immediately lose my motivation. so all id ever make were full, finished pieces every once in awhile, and i was still deeply unsatisfied with them.

however, in the past 6 months or so, a few things have come together that have really restored my excitement for creating art

first, (DISCLAIMER: this is not advice! dont follow my example!) i quit my adhd meds. yes, really. i was suddenly out of them for a couple weeks and in those couple weeks i realized i felt better than i had in years, and, ironically, it was way easier for my to do chores without it. the only thing i can really think of to explain it is that i was on a stimulant medication for a very, very long time, like most of my working memory ive been on them. i guess after so long it stopped working the way it should to due to tolerance buildup and was just bogging me down instead of stimulating me.

second, i doodle, i sketch, i make quick drawings i have no intention of finishing. i allow myself not to finish or perfect a piece. i even draw random ideas i wont do anything else with, just for fun. at the advice of a few friends, i have forcefully practiced letting myself get messy and unrefined with my art so that its less intimidating, and to my surprise it actually worked.

third, i started arthritis meds and i listen to my body way better now so i can avoid inflaming and injuring myself, which makes it a lot easier to draw without pain! i even do stretches! im still working on fully effective treatment for my pain, but im doing at least a little better

i dont really know where im going with this tbh... for anyone who has followed me for a long time, uve seen this blog get quiet with little to no art posts for months and months at a time for the past few years, so i hope u are excited to see me posting more frequently again! i missed it! i hope u enjoy me now as much as im enjoying me!

im happy to be creating again and i hope i can keep my passion going! im happier now than i have been in an extremely long time, and im excited to show everyone the things ive been creating more often

umm thats all i guess! if u read this far ummmm One Big Kissaroo From Me To You okay 🩷🩷🩷 MWAH

[unpickled-olive]

brain is healing

I've always been depressed, but before grad school, I had interests. I was teaching myself woodworking, building things, drawing plans, and restoring rusty hand planes. I had bought my first ever digital microphone and was recording (bad) music. I was practicing the violin on a semi-regular basis.

I also had hyperfixations. I always loved the experience of being obsessed with something for a few weeks at a time, even if I felt empty when the feeling passed. Spending three weeks learning about homesteading, or being a travel therapist, or rollerskating, or learning Arabic.

Grad school wasn't a decision I made out of passion but out of necessity. After getting my Bachelor's in Linguistics (not a hireable degree but an extremely interesting one), I went as far I could with entry-level jobs before going broke and having a mental breakdown. So I decided that if I couldn't find a job I was passionate about, I would get one that where I could 1. decently support myself, 2. do something meaningful for others, and 3. have the freedom to pursue passions outside of work. My dream job became one where I worked 3.5 days a week.

The conclusion was to build upon my background in linguistics and go into healthcare via speech-language pathology.

But when grad school started, I noticed how quickly all of my passion evaporated. Over night, there was suddenly no more planning, drawing, violin-making.

From week 2 to week 100 of school, I didn't have any thoughts about it. I was emotionally drained and too busy to think about enjoying life. I felt like I'd sold my soul for a stable job and when summer and, winter breaks didn't allow me to do anything but sleep, I figured I would be like that forever.

The one creative thing I did that entire time was write a short little sci-fi story. While trying to read a research paper in the student lounge, I suddenly had an idea and deleted the notes I was taking. For three hours, I did nothing but sit there and type. But due to how inundated in academia I was, it was both super morbid (a story about how Earth is the only planet where life degrades and dies due to ageing) and super academic (it took the form of a research paper written by horrified alien observers). I was so in that world that the only thing I could write had an abstract, an intro, a methodology, a results section, and a discussion.

I'm currently 4 months free of grad school (I say like I'm in recovery), and I've noticed that passion and interest are slowly dripping back into my life. I've spent the last few days reading about Proto-Indo-Europeans, just for fun. I read a BOOK. I'm contemplating building an English joiner's bench. I'm even motivated enough to post something personal on a blog no one will ever read.

These days, learning feels like it takes more effort than it did before. I have this feeling that there isn't room in my brain for any more things, so I shouldn't get too excited. It feels like that, and like the inertia of not having exercised in so long. But I notice this feeling lessening with each month.

This is all to say: grad school couldn't kill my soul forever—it could only kill it for two and a half years.

[paradoxical-catastrophe]

It’s probably just the Frontal Lobe developing combined with dissociation but… anything even 6 months ago just feels like… not me, though I can recognize it as me. But anything like… 2-3 years ago, I could easily be convinced that was not me.

Vent ig? More just complaining. TW mentions vague of sui. This is all just random jumping back and foward about shit on my mind

Even just comparing highschool to now…

I did so many clubs and extracurriculars in ms/hs, and wanted to do more. I did a military program, band, a team creativity program thing, martial arts… I even wanted to do stuff like chess club, math competitions, orchestra, etc.

I drew constantly, I did my homework, I attended everything, I generally felt productive.

And now like… the last time I drew was over a month ago. I had to drop most things due to lack of time and loss of motivation, I only do band now. And… I don’t practice my instrument. I constantly forget homework, I never study. I was a gifted kid, and I thought the burnout would plateau in college. But it’s only gotten worse. I haven’t made any friends here. I don’t know my roommates names or anything about them. I haven’t made a proper meal (aka actual cooking, not just box stuff) in weeks.

I want to indulge my hobbies more. And I know the biggest reason I couldn’t is because of Friend Issues™️, deteriorating mental health, and school. And like yeah I’m finally getting out of ‘need constant distraction or the Harmful Thoughts will come back, but now it’s just… I feel empty without it.

I miss the kid I was. She couldn’t have ever imagined life would be like what it is now…

She has no idea we’re trans, we’re disabled, we broke up with that one guy who actually turned out to have cheated on us, lost that one friend who meant everything to us, learned how actually disgusting this stupid state is to the point I’m scared and tempted to take down any visible pride things I have because of elections, not even the fact we’re a system.

But like we got cool ass dyed hair and piercings and tattoos that’s sick at least. I want more.

It’s hard to think about what my life would have been like if I hadn’t done this one thing. If I hadn’t spoken to this person, if I hadn’t watched this show, if I hadn’t gotten an account on this website…

Yet, I really don’t think there’s a universe where life is any better than this. There’s a lot of shit, but there’s some wonderful things too.

Yeah I was cheated on, injured my leg, traumatized, constantly sick as a kid, made absolutely terrible mistakes, but. Now I’m in an apartment studying something I love, I’m playing fantastic music and I’m a lovely musician, I’m making fashion choices that I like, I’m doing what I want with my body. I’ve even got a fantastic boyfriend and group of friends that I don’t feel like I have to pretend around. I never realized how much I was masking and pretending and hiding until I met these people.

Idk whether I’m happy or sad. Something something cancelled out I guess. Now that Friend Issues™️ is over after being stuck with them for over a year, things finally feel like they’re (somewhat) going up. Just gotta stay alive until then. And I think working on fixing my sleep schedule is helping. No more staying up till 5-6 am!! Need a Morgana to bitch at me to sleep smh

I should pick up a new hobby. I still kinda feel like I’m distracting myself with my interests instead of enjoying my hobbies. I’d like to do something artistic, but I don’t have the motivation to really draw.

Maybe I’ll have some motivation tomorrow between classes. I do wanna draw my new oc and give him a solid outfit instead of just ‘inspo’…

[au-drayton-shenanigans]

// ooc

I drew some pictures at church and since they're both au Drayton related, I will put them here.

I also talk about a couple of dreams I had some time ago.

Wizard may seem like your average snobby high elf but he really really likes creatures.

We see him here with a basilisk type chicken thing and a whatever that fluffy thing is.

The au Wizard is from is actually so fun it's got pokemon, digimon, animals, and magical beast critters in it. Such biodiversity :0 and to think his entire au came from a dream.

Nap time for Wizard and some of his friends

There's 2 digimon and one pokemon here the rest are magic creatures. Hilariously it turns out I know how to draw more digimon from memory than pokemon. I remember back in high school I could draw things like dialga and arceus from memory near flawlessly but whatevs.

I never talked about something due to just. not having the typing motivation but some like. week ago or somewhere around that much time ago, probably more into last month, I had a third dream about his au. That one revealed that the universe he's in has another side. Yall know how in that spyro game with the sorceress and the dragon eggs there was another world just on the other side of some holes in the ground and the dragons used to live there instead? Well Wizard's au is like that according to the dream. Right down to "the elf people used to live on that other side of the world".

Except that other side has just normal animals and normal human people and they don't believe in magic and they certainly don't think magic elf people exist. In the dream, Wizard went over there because he was told by some elf elders or whatever that they needed some artifacts retrieved from that other side of the world and his type of magic is the only thing that can open portals to there.

The place where the artifacts were in is a cave that in modern times ended up being converted into a hunter's lodge. They hunted bears specifically. It was like a metal building that was all basement. It was a cool looking place imo. Wizard snuck in and couldn't find the artifacts. They were probably put in some kind of museum or something. The dream didn't specify why they were gone, just that they were gone.

They were returning from an unsuccessful hunt as Wizard was about to walk back up the stairs and leave. There was a back exit that led directly to a beach so Wizard dashed and snuck out there. They heard him though. They got out their guns. Not from assuming the intruder was a bear, but from being bad dudes who react irrationally to people nearby.

Wizard could tell those folks were killing critters though and he didn't like that. Wizard is very much an animal/creature/whatever lover.

He went to the top of something and made his shadow look like a bear to trick them into looking for where the fake bear went while he would attempt to find the artifacts. But too late, he realized that where his shadow fell, it was an island with a unicorn on it. This was an island that was a remnant of the last of the old world's magic. That also could have been where the artifacts were but as I said the dream didn't tell me.

The unicorn and all the other possible magic stuff on that island somehow went undetected until that little oopsie.

The hunters saw the unicorn and immediately forgot they went after bears.

There was shallow water between where the hunters' place was and the island. It was something like almost waist deep but not quite.

Wizard, being who he is, dashed over there, revealing himself. The elf elders apparently made it very clear that he not let the people on the other side see him but there he was, arms spread out between the unicorn and the hunters.

He told the hunters to stop and they pushed him aside. A bunch of big buff dudes easily overpowered the scrawny teen who couldn't use all his magic in the other world.

Wizard starts weakly apologizing to the unicorn while being splashed and covered by the waves of the water but then the scene immediately goes to showing a full on backstory for how the elves first moved to where they are now away from the humans. It was a tragic, dramatic and beautiful story with a romance that ended in death but I don't care to go into the details right now.

I think it almost revealed where the artifacts were but I woke up before that. Also I think the unicorn made everyone there collectively hallucinate that backstory to give itself the opportunity to escape. It pulled Wizard out of the water too. The unicorn knew the importance of hiding the magic from the humans. And it sensed Wizard is way more of a kind soul than he seems. Aww :D

While I'm talking about dreams, I keep forgetting to say this but in a dream a few days ago, the memory was unclear even the day of, Cloak guy did something or said something that was either funny or stupid or both. Idk what. The ambiguity of it makes it funnier somehow but it's also frustrating how I recall that I knew what it was, whether he did something or said something and every detail for a total of 5 seconds after I woke up that night before forgetting

[kinaesthetiqueer]

(clearing out some drafts. condensing a couple of jnpr vs rwby into one post here)

August 1

i still haven't decided who wins rwby v jnpr

given me, there's an obvious answer. for plot reasons, i could convince glynda to skip it altogether. for canon reasons [post ends there, presumably i got distracted]

August 3rd

thinking about how i backed myself into a corner with rwby vs jnpr and how i don't really wanna write it so i might just skip it _(:3」∠)_

spoiler alert. processing rambles below.

if it does happen, rwby will probably lose because of weiss. unless rwby can convince me otherwise. they have the semblance advantage and canon on their side (food fight). however jnpr has non-canon on their side bc they're god's (my) favorite and also the way ive worked this volume favors them being more cohesive as a unit

i am thinking about ways to communicate even clearer when something from canon does or does not happen but i hope it's thus far clear that some things have yet to happen.

as Nora points out in her pre-jnpr vs crdl thoughts, she and jaune lost their duos demonstratory match. while it's yet to be mentioned, jaune still lost to cardin in his one-on-one as he does in canon.

i just rewatched jaunedice and forever fall before i decided to get tooooo far into JNdice planning. massively surprised that pyrrha becomes the target of cardin's ire simply because of being a know it all??? i knew i had my events mixed up but heavens that's hella extreme. makes dove's reasoning for going after Nora in ssvau seem... reasonable... good heavens. (hint: it's the jnpr vs crdl knockout)

for context's sake, and my own personal rambly timeline needs—

at the end of the rwby vs jnpr week (a week from current chapter), forever fall happens. which places jaundice taking place slightly to the left because i've adjusted cardin's asshole motivation in this au to crest with jaunedice, not quite originate there. giving a shorter time period of jaune torture. thankfully, because nora is our only pov that keeps track of jaune, i won't have to completely rehash canon-two-steps-to-the-left for this arc, only allude to what she notices. unfortunately for me, i do have to know everything that is happening. hence this ramble.

anyways i think the issue with jnpr vs rwby is several fold

i have a favorite team

nora is well rested

weiss is exhausted

jaune is not great at thinking on his feet

like they still prep and plan for rwby but they know damn well rwby has been more cautious about showing off than crdl ever was

pyrrha and nora and ren are gonna kick ass

blake and yang are gonna kick ass

ruby learns from earlier in the week after [spoilers] and can definitely kick ass if/when she stops pouting about weiss

the outcome has implications for the end-of-semester rankings which i am also still deciding

damn they might just have to fight until a draw due to time. because i think jaune and weiss would go down faaaaaaast.

----

bringing us to now....

okay SO since early august, i did some pretty intense problem solving and actually came up with the funniest solution possible. good news, i'm not going to skip it! bad news, im keeping the solution to myself until we get there.

it is my hope that my fight scenes are okay and fun to read, but i will be SO real with you they are one of my least favorite things to write. however, i think this one will be pretty fun

[phantaemon]

artfight this year was, in terms of VIBES, utter dogshit

But at the same time it was the best artfight I've ever had. I've never gotten as many attacks before, just like I've never attacked as many people. I got so much more confident in my art and I genuinely had fun, and since I had improved even before it started I was able to get so many ocs on the platform, ocs that lacked art and that I wasn't confident enough to post on the platform before otherwise. They didn't all get art (most of it went to my sona lmao) but it's nice. Even got in a pretty high effort mass attack last minute- which was relieving considering everyone went paranoid about those in the beginning (for fair reasons sometimes)

I think just randomly selecting OCs from the recent page, and attacking mutuals was the best choice here.

This year's social media coverage was insufferable too. Some of my mutuals refused to join at all due to this, not just the odd tiktok trends and the entitlement, but also the "OH YOU NEED TO PREPARE 30 REFS TWO MONTHS IN ADVANCE, AND MAKE YOUR PROFILE LIKE THIS OTHERWISE NO ONE WILL ATTACK YOU! AND LOOK AT THE ATTACK RATIOS! AND DON'T FORGET TO POST THE CARD IN EVERY SINGLE SERVER YOU'RE IN! AND YOU NEED TO DO THIS THIS AND THIS BECAUSE I DON'T EVEN LOOK AT PROFILES THAT DON'T DO THIS AND THIS"

Oh my god. Way to discourage beginners from an event that's supposed to be FUN. I wasn't affected by this due to having enough motivation to draw on a daily basis for a while now, but artfight is NOT supposed to be stressful like that. YOU ARE MAKING IT STRESSFUL. Sit back. Upload one fullbody of your character, heck even a halfbody works in some cases, my friend has a character like that and she still got attacks. If you have a big, detailled ref, good for you!

You don't even need a profile besides your boundaries because unless you 1) subscribed to someone 2) attacked someone and they want to revenge you or 3) go out of your way to link your profile everywhere, people will NOT see it, they'll just see your character through tag search or recent and EVEN IF PEOPLE SEE YOUR PROFILE you only need simple boundaries which can be put in your character warnings ANYWAYS!

Same thing for OC profiles you can have literally the least amount of lore for your OC people will still draw them, you can even just link an external profile (with proper warnings) if you don't wanna copy and paste the bio and layout or something

Don't get me started about the ratio, caring too much about them is overly punitive and utter bullshit, you cannot keep up a 50+ ratio without burning out in most cases since you cannot control when people revenge you unless you're doing a chain or attacking 100% revenge profiles. Holding people to higher standards or refusing to attack people because of their ratio defends the entire purpose of artfight, and is, quite frankly, an asshole move.

To enjoy AF you literally just need to upload some random ocs and draw some random ocs. Now I know that not getting attacks feels like shit. But artfight is about giving first and foremost. It's the first thing you see in the beginner's guide. You give free art to people who MAY give you free art in return. It is free art. You are not entitled to it, though I wish everyone could receive something at the end of the day no matter what.

Do not look at social media. Don't join the discord unless you need server uptime/downtime info. And it will seem way more calm.

Artfight has not gone to shit this year. It's a loud part of the community that has. I may not be posting this with any # as to not start discource but anyone seeing this I urge you to take the positives and take a step back from everything else. First week was stressful as hell for me, until I decided to just draw as if no one was telling me to make my account and ratio perfect. As we may say "Artfight is fun when you don't have a bitch in your ear telling you to fix your ratio".

[minevn]

(I'm sorry for the mistakes) Are you okay? Sorry to intrude, but I hope your mental/physical state is ok and you are taking good care of yourself! (^-^*)/

Hi! It's okay, thank you for asking! I typically like to do asks in order, but I thought this would be a good ask to kind of get things out there and talk about what's been going on with me and Mine!

As for if I'm okay, I don't really know. I can't say I'm okay but I know that it could be a lot worse(because I've felt way lower then this before) I'm not really sure how to take care of myself other then repressing things but I am seeing a therapist and we've been talking about how to handle my emotions as they come. I do wish that I was able to see a therapist before my repressive coping habits took over but due to circumstances I'll get into later I just wasn't able to.

As for Mine stuff, I am still very slowly but surely working on my asks. I do have a few done but once again I like to answer my asks in order. Last night I thought it would also be smarter to do my asks backwards from how I've received them so that way I could just que them all up instead of writing the first ask I got and then lacking motivation and ideas for the later asks. I guess rn I'm going through a bit of writers block? I think it's that mixed with my extreme lack of motivation. As for my event, I have thought about lowering the number and then raising the numbers again for a later milestone! I tend to always put a lot on my plate and 50 requests may have been a bit more then what I could handle as of now. Another thing as well is that even though I love drawing, I don't draw super often. I get hit with random waves of motivation and it's very easy for me to lose that motivation. So I have the sketches mostly done for the drawing requests I've gotten, but if I have no motivation to draw then the drawings turn out looking wonky and just all wrong and then I'm no longer proud of them. I still plan on doing the events and I'm so sorry that my lack of motivation happened like as soon as I hit 100 followers, It doesn't feel fair to you all but I seriously cannot thank you enough for your continued support. Everyone has been so nice and no one has come into my dms rushing me with anything, seriously thank you all so much for that! Another thing as well is that Mine is not my only story, if you follow my main account I have most of my stories listed there and there's like over 50 stories. it's like that because I have so many ideas but once again I lose motivation so easily, and as mentioned earlier I like to put a lot on my plate, I don't like to just work on one story at a time and it causes me to get burnout which I'm sadly going through with Mine. I was answering asks nonstop when I got them, getting asks motivated me to get up out of bed, I was so happy and overjoyed to get asks, and don't get me wrong I still am! I love getting asks and seeing what ideas you want me to write for, although I was also overwhelmed at first, I had gotten so much support which I hadn't expected to ever. I honestly wasn't expecting anyone to like my stuff but I was ready to still work on Mine because I work for ME. But I wasn't happy with how the sprites were turning out, I wasn't getting inspiration for any music soundtracks, and I'm struggling on the script, I've got Minato's week planned mostly but it just feels so BORING! He's the first route, it needs to drag you in a bit more. So far there's been like no yandere tendencies which sure maybe that fits for Minato, but I'm just not proud of it at all so I need to rewrite Minato's week planning. The more I wrote asks the more I felt disconnected to these characters, it felt like I wasn't writing them like I was before, which I tried telling myself that it was fine because when I first made this blog Mine hadn't even been in the process for a year and I thought we could go through developing these characters together, but it just didn't feel right. I also started to dislike their designs. I felt that I had designed more interesting characters before and they just felt so boring, I like their hair and faces, mainly clothes design is where it felt lacking. Jun, Aki, and Yani have the designs I like the best honestly, their clothes feel more intricate.

Anyways yeah that's me and what's been happening, sorry for the long post and venting. I'm still working on asks when I find the motivation to and I did make some progress on them a day or two ago. I hope I can get out of this slump and come back better then ever. Once again thank you all for being patient with me and for supporting me still! I love you all!💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

I'm going to go a bit more in depth with things, sorry for the long post! You don't have to read what below if you don't want to, it mostly explains more of what's been happening with me, but I've also touched on a lot of my reasons for not posting above! Honestly I lot of it is venting, so please don't read if you're struggling with any below!

TW FOR SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, DEATH, ABUSE(?), MENTAL ILLNESSES

So a couple years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I didn't really understand it, like it didn't feel like it's affected me that much but I've learned a lot more about it and can definitely see in which ways it has impacted me. When I started Mine I wasn't exactly in a high state of Mine but getting asks and seeing people like my work for once in my life really raised my moods, but I really struggle with staying happy. No matter how much I want happiness to stay, it always leaves. Right now I'm going through one of my lows. Honestly, I typically ignore my lows the best I can, It sometimes work and sometimes it doesn't, this is one of the times where I can't repress my feelings, and as mentioned earlier I do think a part of it is because I've been talking to my therapist about embracing the negative feeling, admit that I'm not happy and work through it instead of hiding it. Not that I blame my therapist, I'm really hoping that it works and I'm choosing to listen to my therapist because I want to get better, honestly I could've ignored everything she told me and kept repressing my feelings but I want to be happy so I'm really trying to embrace the fact that I'm not okay and work through it! I don't know how long this low will last, but when I get out of this low I want to work on Mine and get the same excited and happy feelings I had when I first started. Mine might go through some changes but overall I want these characters to have the same personalities and backstories, the only thing that might change with them is their clothes.

Along with my bipolar disorder, I've been diagnosed with major depression with psychotic features, anxiety, ADHD, and PTSD. Needless to say these all impact me greatly. The lack of motivation, struggling to get up out of bed or go to sleep at a normal time, and even eating and drinking and going to the bathroom. I've always found it easier to take care of others rather then myself because that's just how I was raised. To always put others above myself. As I've gotten older I realized that that's not how that should work, but it was already pushed into my brain and I still struggle to take care of myself. I'm always stressed, can't sleep right and I can't wake up before 5pm. Sometimes I'll sit in one spot, fidgeting while I wait for some motivation to strike. But I can't even think because of course when I think my mind never goes to good things. Thoughts about just wanting to give up(Which don't worry too much, I won't do it, even if the thoughts get to be too much), my repressed memories coming back, mom and her death and neglect before dying, dad and his temper tantrums, my grandma and how she's one of the only people in my life to care and love me, and how I wish I could talk to others easily but of course my mind gets fuzzy and I can't speak and how almost all of my friends have left me, how I feel defective and unlovable. The thoughts don't stop, every time it just gets worse and worse and I can't stop questioning what I did wrong and why no one wants to be my friend. People just use you and then toss you out when they're done and it's so cruel, I want someone who actually wants me in their life and who values me as much as I value them, someone who treats me like a person with actual feelings rather then a robot or an object. But it's so hard to find people like that, as I said there's a lot of cruel people out there and to those who aren't cruel I have a hard time trusting them due to past experiences and I know it's not fair to those kind people but gosh being vulnerable is so hard. And I know it's really early to question if I'll ever meet anyone I can trust 100% because I'm only 18 but gosh do I know about death, I know that death doesn't care about your age. I could die later tonight or sometime this week or next month or maybe I do die in many years, but then what about the people I meet and value, will they be taken away from me as well? Do I want to put my heart on the line just to end up losing them eventually? Could I handle another death? I don't know? I really don't, It already hurts to think about losing my sister and my bestest friend in the entire world, I'm already so lucky to have them in my life, what if I lose them too?

I'm going to start getting into things that I didn't get into earlier this post. I put it down here because it might be triggering and I didn't want anything too sensitive to be at the beginning, I want people to be able to skip this stuff for their own mental health. As mentioned earlier I wasn't able to get therapy for a bit because I didn't have a legal guardian. My mother passed when I was 11 and I've never met my biological dad. My sister I mentioned earlier is my half-sister(I call her sister cause it's easier and no matter what she's still my sister) and her dad took me in very shortly after my mother had passed(I won't be calling him my stepdad, once again because it's easier to just say dad and no matter what he's still my dad, no matter what grudges I have against him) Anyways I didn't have a legal guardian for 6 years, finally getting adopted in January. I had no insurance as well(Btw I don't blame my dad for any of this, he kept getting scammed by the shitty lawyer. So yeah I couldn't get therapy and well I learned how to repress my feelings because of my dad, because y'know he can throw tantrums and be angry and cry all he wants but god forbid someone else is angry or sad. Looking back at it though, mom played a part as well, she just neglected me and didn't give a shit and I learned that no one cares about me.

On a lighter note because gosh I need it. I don't plan on going until I get out all or most of my stories! But my stories have a lot of morbid themes and concepts. One because me too, but I still think it's important to touch on things I haven't been through because others might have and it's a morbid world. I want those people who feel alone in this world to feel seen and heard. Abuse does happen, death happens, suicide is very real, hate crimes happen every day and yet I feel people don't talk about it as much as they should. Like sure the topic will blow up, but after like a couple weeks or months, boom it's forgotten and that's just...wrong. I plan on making it very clear that the topics I write about in my stories are not meant to idolize or romanticize these topics or to make jokes at them, it's just that messed up things do happen. I know how it feels to be and feel alone, like no one will ever understand what you've been through, and I want my stories to be some kind of comfort for those people. I'll put clear disclaimers and tw's on my games and stories so those who don't want to witness that stuff can avoid it. I understand that as well! Like yeah the world is messed up but I already go through that and I don't want to see it in media and stuff, I've definitely been there too. I think I want my games to encourage people who might be struggling to not give up though! You see these characters go through something tough but they're still alive and they get there happy ending(Though not all of my stories have happy endings)

Anyways yeah that's me and what's been happening, sorry for the long post and venting. I'm still working on asks when I find the motivation to and I did make some progress on them a day or two ago. I hope I can get out of this slump and come back better then ever. If any of you are struggling with anything mentioned above, I hope you're able to get help, please don't give up, you're important! Once again thank you all for being patient with me and for supporting me still! I love you all!💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙