#this isn't really a shipping post per se but we all know that i love to howl about foundations

[usareiis]

Lost my original post of this from the other day but I genuinely don't understand how Black Butler discourse ever shifted into the does Sebastian ~really~ like Ciel or is Ciel just dinner line of conversation that is pervasive as it is because Sebastian is the one that has absorbed his whole existence into Ciel's. Sebastian's face is what Ciel wants Sebastian's whole purpose is doing things for Ciel Sebastian's every hell of a butler yes my lord speech is about how he's Ciel's and Ciel is the one going around saying shit like whatever Sebastian is just my pawn 💅

[cruciomione]

"fixing" the panic attack scene to be more platonic ™

im extremely active on twt and have been noticing a sydcarmy tweet go viral multiple times a week (like w thousands of interactions its crazy), and its really great to see how much people love and see it for this ship. recently carmys panic attack scene went viral again, and naturally, some ppl gave their piece about how we are all dumb for interpreting it as romantic. that sydney represents his love for his job or his duty to the restaurant (*sigh*).

this scene imo, is the most concrete proof of this ship. i can excuse (not really) interpreting every interaction between them thus far as platonic but this scene....i just refuse. this is gonna be a long post, not analyzing the scene per se because i can't possibly say anything that hasn't already been said but more "fixing" the scene to fit the narrative of antis, and i hope in doing so really shows there's no other way to interpret this scene as other than romantic. again its gonna be a long post bc im just ranting and i think i will lose my mind if i dont type this out.

lets go.

so first off i like to think of this scene as an equation/experiment. simply a problem that needs to be solved.

problem/reason of panic = ...we will discuss this...

solution # 1 = claire -> failed

solution # 2 = sydney -> worked.

Problem/Reason

s02e09 opens up with carmy and claire finally consummating their relationship, with an interesting song choice might i add and carmy dissociating, looking sad, or broken (???) after. because many have said carmy pulling memories of sydney from his psyche to calm down have to do with work i always remember that, it really doesnt make any sense?

carmy is clearly having a panic attack due to him not being "fixed" as soon as he made it official with claire. he felt pressure from his family both currently and in the past to date claire because she is amazing and perfect. add mikey also being a part of that crowd, and carmy so desperately trying to connect with him when he cannot, is why i think he looks so despondent after that scene. i truly think he thought he would be a changed person after everything with claire and when that didn't happen he flipped...

we know this is the reason bc his panic attack starts with their sex scene and the lyric "I dont know" from strange currencies by REM.

this isn't to say that he isn't nervous or stressed about the soft open but its clear that he's not having a panic attack about work nor have we ever seen him have a work-related panic attack (correct me if I'm wrong). in s1 he has one or two due to him greiving his brother.

platonic fix: To make it about work I would have added scenes like when Carmy started that stove fire in braciole, his meltdown in review, some scenes of his horrible time at EMP, and him grieving his brother. i think these would represent his fear of failure, falling back into old toxic habits pertaining his career, the fear of fostering a toxic work environment like the ny chef and also the idea of "failing" mikey

but theres a reason why none of this occurs bc its not about his job or the opening of the bear. this is explicitly about his personal and romantic love life.

Solution # 1 : Claire

carmy proceeds to try and calm down by thinking of claire through literal rose-coloured glasses...

the music is distorted, he's thinking of his abusive family, he remembers every one pushing him to date claire bc shes a #goodthing.

again...this is not about his job and wouldnt make sense to think of sydneys place in his work life as a soultion to his clear personal problem....

platonic fix: in the story of carmys love life claire and sydney act as narrative foils. they have been compared and contrasted for all of s2. my platonic fix for this would be making the NY chef this first "solution" of a work-related panic attack. he represents a horrible time in his life but also represents a time when carmy was at the height of his career. when carmy gets locked in the walk in and has his monologue, its alluded to that he will revert back to that mind set in order to not let everyone down.

NY chef abused him for so long, it makes sense that carmys psyche would readily go back to his insults and the time he himself was an isolated 'psycho' bc it yielded results.

nothing is black and white and i DO think sydney represents a healthier approach to the toxic mess that is the culinary world and does represent that for carmy. if the show was invested in that, sydney and the NY chef could be overtly contrasted like sydney and claire have been.

BUT again this isnt about his job and dedication as a chef...thus why he tries to think of claire to solve his personal problem, and it fails.

Solution # 2: Sydney

LMFAOOO.

carmy then in a crazy plot twist starts thinking of his platonic work bestie sydney adamu....the love song dedicated by the show to his relationship with his girlfriend is then made clear highlighting some pretty damning lyrics about desire and love.....all platonic btw. yes you are dumb if you think otherwise (*wink*)

I actually have two platonic fixes for this...

platonic fix # 1: if we only wanted to focus on sydney as a person who calms carmy down because shes his work bestie who represents his responsibilty to the bear and the postive change they are trying effect in the culinary world, i would add scenes where they are...you know actually cooking???

i think its pretty crazy how the memories carmys immediately jump to are ones that have little to do with their jobs. when they first meet (would also like to note that when carmy first laid eyes on Sydney, he forgot she was there for a job, so this is his raw reaction to seeing a pretty girl lol) and when she comes back after she quit and their break up fight.

i would add their scenes in carmys kitchen (even tho this is extremely damning bc they were flirting DOWN - they don't make this easy at all). this represents their collaboration skills and the way they WORK and bounce ideas off of each other seamlessly. specifically the scene about him wanting to give her a star, representing his duty to her and the restaurant.

*and no shade to carmy but if his responsibility to the bear/syd as a co-worker was bothering him this much and calmed him down wouldn't he have just immediately called the fridge guy.....anyways*

platonic fix # 2 (the best one): if i was chris storer and joanna calo and i REALLY wanted to sell it that carmy isnt in love with sydney then i would put every single member of the OG beef crew + Nat to calm him down not just Sydney.

im talking to them laughing at family, carmy giving tina his chefs knife, richie in his new suit, carmys one on one w Marcus/trying his donut, nat telling carmy shes pregnant (signifing rebirth/wanting to rid all the toxic abuse from his family), carmy trying sydney risotto, and her face when he said it was tremendous etc etc...you get the gist

and honestly?

even as i type this out im tearing up a little bit bc that would have been really beautiful. carmy is changing. he can and is getting rid of old toxic habits from his family and the mess that is the culinary industry. things are changing for the better....that would be beautiful....IF his panic attack was about any of these things lol.

and to even look at this scene without this need for symmetry and we entertain the idea of carmy thinking about his job as a solution for his personal problem...carmy has said himself (s02e01) that this isnt fun for him. i dont think that means he hates cooking i kinda disagree with the ppl who think he isnt passionate about it. i just think currently its something that doesnt bring him joy but i do think its something hes starting to or at least could have started to enjoy if he just committed to working with syd...

conclusion

theres a lot of....delusion? denial? straight up bias? yes all of that, going on.

idk what is happening bc this show is really great at being subtle. but i dont know whats more in your face, dumbed down, even a toddler could understand, than this scene. if you dont come out of this understanding that carmy is falling in love/currently in love with Sydney...and i hate using this term..but you just arent media literate.

bonus: bc it makes me laugh and connects the purpose and solutions.

i think we need a Snyder Sydcarmy Cut™ of bolognese and omelette.

the start of the episode is when sydney and carmy fight over claires inclusion in the menu, and also when sydney randomly asks him to define his relationship with Claire. the episode would continue until we get to the table scene.

i think its WILD how as soon as Sydney asks him to define their relationship, carmy starts calling claire his girlfriend. then the show proceeds to insert sydney in their romantic montage, shows her tattoo about heartbreak and someone getting in the way of your relationship...THEN proceeds to have carmy compare these two women in his mind and only calms down after seeing Sydney.

i could talk about this scene for AGES. wheres the straitjacket....

[endwersed]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by the fabulous @dear-massacre 😘

How many works do you have on ao3?

21 - it would be a lot higher, but I purged all but one of my old Destiel fics back in 2017. They weren't very good, so I can't say I really regret it 🤷‍♀️

What's your total ao3 word count?

319,994

What fandoms do you write for?

Now, just Teen Wolf 🐺

Top five fics by kudos:

Find Your Fire - Reddie (IT)

Clue(less) - Reddie (IT)

Nah, He Didn't - Destiel (Supernatural)

Worst Enemy - Reddie (IT)

as dear as a brother - Sterek (TW)

Do you respond to comments?

Embarrassingly, it's very hit and miss... I want to! I love and cherish every single comment I ever get! But I find the process of replying to comments bizarrely stressful, so sometimes it takes me... a while. And that while might be, like, years. Sorry!!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I genuinely don't have anything with an angsty ending posted; I need my boys to be happy too badly for that. I guess I could say maybe striking out - just because it's not finished yet, and where it is in the story right now is angsty af!

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them have rom-com level happy endings lol. Maybe Clue(less) - it's a childhood friends-to-lovers soulmate AU, so it has all the sap that comes with those particular tropes wrapped up in there.

Do you get hate on fics?

I wouldn't call it hate, per se - but I guess my interpretation of Stiles is a bit harsher/more rough-edged than others I've seen, and some people don't vibe with that, so I get comments telling me they don't like Stiles in my story for XYZ reason.

To be clear - I also don't write Derek as a completely faultless, entirely perfect guy. I also have him do bad (arguably worse, in some fics) things. But for some reason, I don't ever really get the same kind of comments about him!

Do you write smut?

Like, almost exclusively at this point. It's like my brain can't come up with a story unless I'll get a chance to write them fucking nasty in it.

Craziest crossover:

None, they're not really my jam.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

omg yes! years ago! It was this Destiel HS AU I had posted on AO3 (since deleted because it was... not good) and someone posted it onto ff.net and claimed it was theirs. I can't remember if I ever was successful in getting it taken down.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not.

All time favourite ship?

All time is so hard... I do probably have to say Sterek. I shipped them intensely back in 2012, and I ship them even more intensely now. So - yeah. Probably them.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Are we talking real WIP that I've actually made a meaningful dent in? Or just ideas I've put down to paper?

Because I have so many ideas, there isn't enough time to actually finish them all lol. But for fics I have actively started, I'm pretty confident I'll manage to muddle through to the end of all of them, even if it takes a little while.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and smut, I think.

I tend to develop a scene around the dialogue - in that, it's the dialogue that will come to me first when I'm planning the outline, and I'll note it down for when I come around to writing the scene. Then it's mostly a case of refining that dialogue and building the scene with descriptions around it.

I also love smut as character study. It's not just about being horny for them. It's about being horny for their introspection, too.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I don't have the imagination to come up with some of the flowery prose I see and love from other people. I wish I did, but that's just not how my brain works unfortunately!

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I only really feel comfortable writing in languages I'm fluent in. For anything else, I think we all know Google Translate can't be trusted, so I just... avoid it.

First fandom you wrote in?

Harry Potter! Wolfstar all the way back on ff.net <3

Favorite fic you've written?

Oh god, this is hard. Let's go with a Teen Wolf fic, because they're the nearest and dearest to my heart right now.

I think I'd say feels so good inside. It was so much fun to write, and I just love loss of virginity fics so damn much.

-

Open tag to anyone who wants a go!

[chrysalis-the-butterfly]

Howdy, Chrys! If you still doing the character meme thing could you please do this with Charlie perhaps :^>?

Yep, I'm still taking requests for that meme! Thanks for sending this in!

Send me a character and I’ll list:

Favourite thing about them: The growth in her confidence and her leadership qualities over the course of the series. Charlie starts out wanting so badly to help people and make their lives better, but she's so concerned with being "nice" that she struggles with the idea that she might have to assert herself to achieve her dreams. It feels too mean. She gradually learns that she needs to stop waiting on the sidelines armed with nothing but good intentions: she needs to take a more direct approach, take responsibility for her people, and fight for her loved ones even if she has to be "mean" about it. That's why I really like "Ready For This," because it's what Charlie's character arc has been building to all along - acknowledging the privileged position she holds and finally feeling more comfortable with what she can do about it.

Least favourite thing about them: She's over 200 years old, and she's only now decided on the Hotel idea? What took her so long? How many Exterminations had there been before then? How many of her people died before she decided to act? And how sheltered was she if she never knew how corrupt Heaven was until she saw it in "Welcome to Heaven"? I think Charlie should have been younger so the audience wouldn't ask awkward questions like this.

Favourite line: "Just because someone is dead, it doesn't mean they can't resolve to change their ways!"

brOTP: I mentioned in a previous meme response about Angel Dust that I like the friendship Charlie has with him. I like seeing the way they both try to help and protect each other - they don't always get things right, but they're trying because they care about each other, and that's nice to see. Also, I like the moment in the pilot when Angel teases Charlie about the lack of guests at the hotel, and then stops because she looks so sad. He can't bring himself to be mean to her because she's too nice.

I also enjoyed watching Charlie and Emily team up during "You Didn't Know". They're pretty similar characters, both very cheerful and hopeful and keen to see the best in people, with the only difference being where they live. I hope we get to see more of "Charmily" collaborating in Season 2! (Because it did always bother me that Emily promised to help Charlie and then didn't really do anything in the finale.)

OTP: Chaggie! I haven't posted about them much (mainly because my brain's been focused on the hurt/comfort potential of Huskerdust), but that doesn't mean I don't like the pairing! A developing romance like Huskerdust may have more drama, but sometimes it's just nice to see an established couple who are clearly comfortable in each other's company and trust each other.

Charlie and Vaggie have a fun dynamic because they're different but similar - if that makes sense? One's an optimist with occasional scary moments, and the other's a grump with occasional sweet moments, and I like both those character tropes, so I suppose it was inevitable that I would end up shipping Chaggie. They look cute together!

nOTP: Charlie and Valentino. That arm-licking scene? Ew. Ew. Ewwww.

Random headcanon: Charlie has had extensive First Aid training, which she's used to patch up wounded sinners after Exterminations. If Angel ever comes back from work looking particularly messed up, it'll be Charlie who gives him the medical attention he needs.

Unpopular opinion: This isn't unpopular per se, because I also saw @gabrielsbubblegumbitch make a post about this, but ... why is Charlie only working on a small Hotel, a passion project, when she's got the power and authority to effect much wider-ranging changes in Hell that would ultimately make people's afterlives more bearable? I understand her fervent desire to save sinners from Extermination, because Exterminated sinners are gone forever, and that's tragic for her - but what is she doing to improve things between purges?

For example, when will she sort out the cruel and exploitative Overlord system? Charlie showed up at Angel's workplace once to try some "aggressive kindness" with Valentino ... and then I guess she never tried to help her friend again? Huh?

Look, I get the message that "Masquerade" was trying to convey. Sometimes, people are in situations that are too big and complex for you to handle alone, and you need to know when to step back because a hasty intervention might only make things worse. But that message doesn't really work with a character like Charlie Morningstar, because she's the Princess of Hell and could totally put Valentino in his place if she wanted.

It frustrates me that the plot thread of "Charlie potentially freeing Angel from Valentino" was never brought up again. Had Season 1 been given more episodes, the series could have expanded on that and given Charlie more to do. Maybe she could have collaborated with Angel on a scheme. I'm not saying Angel's contract issue needed to be resolved in the first season; I just wish it had been fleshed out more.

Song I associate with them: "Persephone" by MJQ x EmpahP (performed by Daina). It's about a woman born into privilege who feels uneasy about her position. The lyrics mention "sharing the air of kings" and being "an angel with borrowed wings." And there's even a section about needing to fight and being lucky if she makes it out alive, which calls to mind the battle with the Exorcists in the finale. This song just seems right for Charlie.

Favourite picture of them:

[aprillikesthings]

ONE MORE TONIGHT because I remember I really like this episode :D

s2 ep5 White Out

will I hit the image limit with this one

EDIT: nope I post it early by accident, which means I have to reblog it anyway.

damn right, and I love how often Entrapta mentions this--that all experiments/research end with you learning SOMEthing even if it's not what you were hoping/looking for

Anyway they're in an icy wasteland of sorts and Entrapta is researching some First Ones' stuff under the ice and also there's some kind of big worm-like monster outside. All before the intro music.

Does She-Ra not feel the cold or what

I refuse to screenshot Scorpia's attempt at asking out Catra it's too painful

I knew it was the same thing that fucked with the robots and She-Ra in Dryl!!

I love how I can remember that this episode is the one where Adora acted SUPER violent and then really dumb and drunk but I couldn't remember WHY

but yeah telling this to Catra was A Mistake

Entrapta: "also she got very floppy"

FLOPPY?!

Side note, but it makes sense Catra hates it up there more than Scorpia or Entrapta; cats have a higher body temperature than humans. But wait, scorpions are cold-blooded? Maybe Catra's just a whiner about being cold. (So am I.)

I mean yeah Catra's being a dick here BUT THEN:

It took me WAY too many times to get that literal split-second of her reaction to Adora's voice before she gets herself back under control. Her ears even do a wiggle.

Look I know they were setting us up for these two to be endgame the whole time. But it still amazes me how much they made it so, SO OBVIOUS in all these little ways they could've skipped and didn't. The little ear wiggle and her tiny moment of shock? They didn't have to put it there, and they did. They could've just made her immediate reaction fury or frustration. But nope.

And we see her eyes narrow in a really close-in shot, like she has to take a second and remember they're on opposite sides, before Catra turns around with her usual cocky expression.

but also look at Entrapta's face lol

I love it when they make her look just a little deranged. Because she is.

I do wonder the extent to which everyone else is like "why are these two so obsessed with each other" (I think people comment on that later?)

HOW AM I JUST NOW NOTICING THESE TWO ARE NARRATIVE FOILS they are, right? right?? or am I just reading too much into both of them having unrequited crushes

Bow: "You don't understand the forces you're messing with!" Entrapta: "I know! That's the fun of it!"

augh I couldn't get the shot of Catra's surprised face

yeah I'm probably gonna go over the image limit on this one

THAT'S NOT GOOD

oh boy

Virus!She-Ra: *tries to hurt her own friends* Catra: "This is the greatest thing that's ever happened" Virus!She-Ra: *hears her, turns around, and runs towards Catra*

BIG MISTAKE

I can't screenshot it, but holy shit you really see the degree to which She-Ra normally isn't trying to actually hurt Catra any more than necessary, because of how violent she is when she's possessed by the virus. Like, this version of her would in fact just straight-up stab Catra or chop off her head or something. Normally She-Ra settles for punches or self-defense--her goal isn't hurting Catra per se but trying to stop the harm she's doing.

But this version of She-Ra? Would do a murder, no problem

that is 100% an appropriate reaction!!

Anyway Scorpia manages to separate her from her sword, and Adora goes back to normal size and not possessed. And is out cold.

okay but did you mean for that to sound so suggestive, Catra? did you?? do you even KNOW??

(...did I just get a plot bunny for the kind of fic that would get me hate mail)

(I've written stuff with a major archive warning before and I could do it again)

speaking of ships eheheheheh

Poor Scorpia is just like "do we have to have your ex around even as a weapon" and is also I think just uncomfortable with how nasty Catra is being

But also Catra's face here is too good

I just imagine Hordak being like, "oh YOU'RE obsessed with the blonde girl, too??? And I thought Shadow Weaver had a problem."

Edit: guess who accidentally hit the wrong buttons on her keyboard and posted it. Anyway continued in the reblog.

[mareenavee]

15, 17, and 20!

HI TOPSY!!! AHH. Thank you for taking the time to ask these! I appreciate it!

Fandom Positivity asks from this game here.

15. A topic you never get tired of discussing.

Oh I feel like you knew what I was going to say. I mean there's A LOT about TES that I'd happily chatter over but let's focus on my favorite first.

✨ Weird Magic Shit ✨

To prevent myself from absolutely rambling about this, because I absolutely will given the time and space, I will simply outline what I mean when I say this. There have been a number of ways spells have changed for the series over time. So in fic, we are really free to change the perception of spellcraft and magic in whatever ways we see fit, pulling from lore sources or the game mechanics, or whatever we want. I spend a lot of time thinking -- well, what if a spell could work differently? Is it too far out of canon compliance to make sense? If so, why? And how do we tie it back in a specific way that allows the reader to suspend their disbelief just for a bit? How can a caster's skill affect how they perceive magic or make use of it? What cultural aspects affect how magic is learned or utilized? How does magic and language connect? Are they one and the same? etc, etc.

All of it comes back to the fact that magic is inherently weird and also a huge, huge part of TES. So I'm happy to twist it and warp it out of shape, because it seems there's so much not told in the source material. Early on I did also write a smol post with some super basic ideas on it, and not every aspect of what I am working with is on that post -- but it's there. :> And I'm always happy to discuss weird magic things.

Actually, messing with magic starts pretty early on with World and continues throughout, like, every fic I write. It's a big deal. I'm always here for talking about how I work with it and how others headcanon weird magic shit. (:

17. Something you love that you don’t often share because you’re worried what others will think?

Hm! Well this is interesting because I am very transparent with the kind of fandom participation I work with LOL I don't really generally worry per se what others will think of my taste in fanfic or fanart because at the end of the day, people can scroll past me if they don't prefer to engage with what I'm yelling about. I've been lucky in this regard that most of my mutuals will also yell about similar things.

I'm trying to think of things recently I've read and loved that I would worry about discussing --

Oh! I know. One thing which is really more of an unpopular opinion than anything. I love to dunk on the Nerevoryn ship, but the ✨Morrowind Fic Writers✨ who lean heavily into this give me pause sometimes with how adamant their commentary can be LOL. So I'm not about to write out my unpopular opinions. Because it's very much not like that for me with fandom. Like I want to have a discussion about the merits of the writing or story, not cause chaos in the comments section by posting "lol okay then, you do you" right lol. I find it to be sort of a waste of time to be negative toward others on the internet and I don't want to invite others to waste their time being negative to me because of how funny I find this ship generally speaking. (Please know most of the humor comes with me hearing Voryn/Dagoth Ur's voice as it was in Morrowind while I'm reading. It is a thing I cannot help.) I suppose sometimes in general I'll read this ship for funsies? To be perfectly fair, I don't mind the ship. I just haven't encountered much content for it that isn't absolutely absurd to my eye. (And sometimes even if it is absurd, it's in the best possible way.) Perhaps it's not that I worry about what others will think. It's more that I just don't have a lot of opinions that aren't jokes I think. LOL (For the record, smut/pwp also has this effect. It'll be funny to me most of the time, unless it's well written then I'm just like good for ya'll and move on.) I am simply not the intended audience for that, or, unfortunately, the majority of Nerevoryn ship content. And that's totally okay.

20. Give kudos to someone who is a devoted fan (either of your own works or others’)

MORE KUDOS! I wanted to give a huge shoutout here to @changelingsandothernonsense who has been reading World since the very beginning, version one, challenge mode, me posting every day and cutting content left and right, and also skipping editing phases. She knows SO MUCH about the story upcoming and has been following along with the revision. Not only that, but keyboard smashing with me in my DMs and reading snippets that nobody else has gotten to see so far. AH and it's been such a joy and an inspiration. We chat every day pretty much about fandom things. Thank you for being a fandom bestie and for your enthusiasm. 🫂 I could say so much more LOL. I appreciate all the effort and all the shenanigans. And most of all, I appreciate getting the chance to talk not only about World, but also about Danger!Josh. :>

[allyriadayne]

I loved your jacegon posts and I have a question I haven't seen discussed among the shippers yet. What do you think would be Rhaenyra's reaction if she learned there was something not quite platonic between Jace and Aegon? She probably wouldn't be happy, but would she try to stop it? And would Daemon be entertained by Rhaenyra's eldest falling for his uncle or consider Jace a traitor for sleeping with Aegon? Also, out of pure curiosity, what potential Jace ship would upset Rhae the most?

hiii thank you!

hm i think she wouldn't be angry per se because we see that unlike alicent, rhaenyra never says anything to jace and/or luke about playing around with their uncles. i think at this stage rhaenyra wants to foster a good relationship between the two groups, though she might think while not wise to let jace attach himself to aegon, her direct rival, she would relate a lot to jace's situation with her own uncle. idk i'm of two minds because she might think it'll never come to anything because her and daemon are too different from jace and aegon.

i can only see rhaenyra stopping or intervening when the tensions are too high like in episode 8 after they fight. of course, rhaenyra would be a massive hypocrite for doing that but i can see her rationalizing it as that it isn't convenient for their side (it really isn't) and that daemon and her chose each other when they were older and there was an actual reason for them to be together (ofc that if she hadn't married laenor she would've gone to daemon is not anybody's business). i see rhaenyra wanting to correct her and viserys' mistakes in the raising of her sons, so for this reason she might stop jace from following that thread. of course, it's fan fiction if you want to say they were already seeing each other before ep8 or "rekindled" after the dinner.

then again, she might respect his decision at this point if he makes an effort to liken his infatuation/bond/lust/love/etc to her and daemon.

if it is during the war and rhaenyra finds out, she's 100% having words with jace. even if she respects him like her equal, this is not the jace she raised, not the jace that puts diplomacy and politics and the war effort before everything. and of course, it's NOT jace because the dutiful perfect prince jace facade he presents to her doesn't exist either!

daemon 100% thinks it's too dangerous, i don't think he would "allow" it in his position as protector of the family/realm. he's brought into the family dynamic to protect them in the ways rhaenyra cannot. i could see daemon having harsher words with jace, to drop whatever game he is playing because he know's aegon's type. daemon is a black and white guy. he wouldn't consider jace a traitor (if we are talking during the war moment) because daemon is an intelligent guy and knows the means justify the ends and knows that jace is the only one holding on the homefront and rhaenyra while daemon is away. he will not alienate jace and risk losing him.

what potential jace ship would upset rhaenyra the most? oh, this is hard because she could respect most of jace's choices in partner. hmm if we are talking during the dance i'd say sara snow for obvious reasons, both in the sense that it would throw more doubt to his claim and that he would drop baela, the one betrothal that actually secures his claim. well, i guess going by that anything that is not baela would disappoint rhaenyra but i think sara snow is the worst of all choices considering the political climate. you know what could've made rhaenyra the happiest? jace and helaena.

[letitrainathousandflames]

Hey sorry to bother. You reblogged something from Lychgate who has an nsfw Twitter (dickgate) where he posts a bunch of really graphic clonecest. He’s a know fetishizer of clones and clonecest.

I truly, dearly hope you reconsider supporting him.

Hi! Thank you for the warning. I don't "support" him or anyone, per se - I see art I like and reblog it. I'm sorry, but I'll have to do a small rant. Firstly: do I fall in the "fetishizer of clones" category? Because most of what I do here is ogle over them and write graphic smut of them with self-insert reader characters. Anyway, moving on:

When I reblog art from the small internet artists here, I'm not raising a flag or promoting them or anything, I'm just... slapping some pretty/cool/funny art on my blog bc I liked it, y'know? My reblog of some person's doodle doesn't - and shouldn't - mean an immediate display of my agreeing with everything this person says and thinks.

In fact, we share glimpses of each other's thoughts, headcanons, opinions with a reblog and we move on to the next one. I have mutuals who like all sorts of things I don't - soup, hiking, the brithish royalty, hunting. I still reblog their stuff, and that doesn't mean our opinions on those topics align.

Of course, I'm always grateful for warnings about me accidentally rebbloging content from a terf/nazi/homophobe/pedophile/scammer, etc, etc. because then I can erase said post and report the user who made it to try make Tumblr a safer community. Disagreeing on whether soup is good isn't the same as disagreeing on lgbt rights.

But when it comes to shipping... man, I don't really care, y'know? Since the clones are all adults, this falls to me in the "ship and let ship" category, and I really lack the mental energy to get into the whole debate of what artist is writing/drawing what about people who, at the end of the day, are still nothing but [adult] fictional characters.

Because here's the deal: who really cares about how or with whom these characters are being shipped? "The children"? They shouldn't be looking at art marked as 18+ in an account that says "no minors". People (like myself) with squicks/triggers/traumas? Tags and blocking systems exist precisely to aid you with that. I use them and I love it. People that Don't Like that ship and want everyone to stop shipping it because they said so? Tags and blocking, again.

I didn't mean to soapbox on your ask, anon, and I'm not even defending Lychgate here bc I don't really care enough about him or this debate to do so tbh.

But I want to emphasize that I only appreciate these kind of warnings when they are about serious, actively damaging stuff, like me accidentally spreading crypto-terf posts bc they're disguised as feminism, or me having some creepy teen groomer's pokemon content on my blog bc they made a funny joke.

I know your intentions are good, but shipping discourse of adult ships is, in my particular opinion, not that important. I don't even ship clones, nor do I care when I see works in which they are shipped. I'm just... detached enough to see they are fictional characters that anyone can get to play with in their own sandbox the way they see fit, and that's none of my business.

That's my stance on adult ships of - and I repeat it - fictional characters. Again, this is not a dig at you or any other person squicked/triggered by clone shipping, nor is a pro clone shipping post. In fact, I'm not pro or against anything when it comes to adult ships - i'm over 30 and way too tired to be screaming about any of this anymore as I did in my teens. Now I just wanna sit here and vibe.

Thanks for the heads-up, and for the opportunity for me to talk about this. Please understand that I mean all of this in the most polite and cordial manner, and expect the same in any further communication between us that may follow. Good night and have a great rest of week.

[sizzleissues]

20 questions for fic writers

It's been a while but thank you for the tag @wackus-bonkus-maximus

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

8! We had more over the course of time but I'm fickle with keeping things up >_<

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

54,090 - Thought it would be lower and it used to be higher!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

At the moment Miraculous Ladybug mainly and the occasional Owl House/Skullduggery Pleasant

4. What are your top 3 fics by kudos?

The Prince and The Baker

Speak my Language

Will you sign my picture if I sigh yours?

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I try to respond to every person but sometimes it takes me a while XD

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really write angsty endings - that I post at least. I probably have a one shot scattered on my tumblr that's angsty. (Though I am planning somethings)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Going to default to a oneshot called Binder

I like to end short stories on a open note but this one is conclusively happy!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I used to but I've since changed fandoms and for the most part things have been positive but there has been a few salty comments that aren't 'hate' per se but are blunt or opinionated. Could be worse >_<

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope! I've written slightly spicy stuff that's in the docs but its probably tamer than YA hahaha. I'm on the ace spectrum so it isn't always for me.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I haven't that I can remember. Feel like a missed out on that phase, but unfortunately I was looking at stars

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of and lets hope it stays that way forever and ever

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not for fics

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't but I'd love to at some point. So for the future - doors are open

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Not sure, a lot are tied in my mind... (Horace and Chloe from the Box and the Dragonfly) ((and like three other book ships that have sunk or never got to sail)) (((love square also of course)))

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

A lot of things. BUT ONE DAY I WILL FINISH EVERYTHING I PROMISE I WILL

16. What are your writing strengths?

I am funny, sometimes, and just it having warmth and having flow. I have to work on owning to my strengths >_<

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I frequently write myself into corners. Sometimes I can never back out. And like poetry and probably other stuff but I'm always trying to get better (:

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think there's purpose to it, but it depends. Like if understanding the character is better for the story, have them mainly speak in the language of the entire book with a couple of common words thrown in perhaps. But it you just want a fun character whose lines can be easter eggs to speakers of the language, that can be very funny.

Having a character say "Ba mhaith liom do thón a ithe" in response to serious dialogue and only speakers can see its rude.

But it can also be annoying if frequently done because readers feel as if they are missing out.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

If stuff I wrote only in my head when I was five counts then Barbie. If not, Skullduggery Pleasant

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Speak my language but I think something I haven't posted will top it sometime in the coming year

I think everyone I would tag has been so this is a invitation for anyone else to join if they feel like it!

[isnt-it-pretty]

20 questions for writers

I was tagged by @comfort-questing! Thank you, this was fun.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently 55

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

576,498! That's over six years of posting

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I've written for many! Currently I have active WIPs for Genshin Impact, Tamora Pierce, Persona 5, and Demon Slayer. (I also have a couple unposted for Mistborn)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

By Only a Flicker (FMA)

Into Darkness and Howling (Genshin)

Maelstrom (Demon Slayer)

Pray to Blades of Grass (Genshin)

Fingernails the Colour of Rust (Genshin)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! Sometimes I miss some but in general I try to. It encourages involvement, which I love. Fandom as a community is really important to me.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm okay so. I'm going to list a few because I can't decide because they're all very specific.

Fragile Things isn't really an angsty ending, per se, but it isn't happy. You know that long term it isn't going to get any better. Xiao is still chronically ill; Collei is still terminally ill. They have each other but that doesn't change the circumstances.

A Dream of a Memory (Genshin Impact) is Hurt No Comfort because it's a prequel so idk if that counts

Still Too Similar (Tamora Pierce) is a modern take on a canon death, which I'm also not sure counts because it's based off canon.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

It's probably between The Sea That's Painted Black and Pray to Blades of Grass

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! I don't think I ever have but I wouldn't really be bothered if I did. I'd just delete the comment.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Once! It was kinda angsty, kinda sweet. I write smut like a wealthy Edwardian woman who would die if somebody so much as said an annotomically correct word.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No I haven't but I've seen some great ones.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Sort of? There is a person who was inspired by my work and wrote theirs without credit (which is whatever, it's all fic) but they paraphrase plagarized my first chapter, which was devistated. It made me stop writing for a couple weeks because it just killed my desire.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah! Several into Russian, and then a couple other languages.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

None currently posted but I did with @currentlylurking when we were younger! And I've helped my friends as a sounding board for fics for years. I just don't have time to co-write, sadly.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I don't really have an all time favourite. Currently I write a lot of cynonari/tighcyno from Genshin Impact, which I love, but I think my oldest ships are Alex/Thom and Numair/Thom from Tamora Pierce? So that might count more.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

*Sigh* at this point? Probably Into Darkness and Howling. I love the fic and the concept, but the general discourse around the character ruined any writing of him for me. Everybody gets so mad about characterization and localization that even if the fic never got any complaints I'm just not comfortable attempting. Also the popularity of it really scary even if the character wasn't contentious. There's too many expectations of it now.

16. What are your writing strengths?

My ideas are amazing. I come up with great canon divergent AUs.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Sometimes it feels like everything lol. Spelling is definitely my worst, you just can't tell since I use a beta reader and spellcheck. Characterization and making my characters unique in thoughts and dialogue can also be a struggle.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I haven't done it but I like it when it's done well! I think you have to intersperse it with the original languague of the fic and make sure it contextually makes sense without needing a translation.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Technically Tamora Pierce in an old notebook but officially my first works were Soul Eater. (They were really really bad)

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I like a lot of them but Fragile Things is held close to my heart.

I'm tagging @faelynny @currentlylurking @marcellebelle @lavenders-writing @clementinecoastline no pressure to do it though!

[heisen-shrine]

Hello everyone and welcome to the new and improved Heisen-Shrine!

You guys know the drill! Here I post all kinds of awesome self shipping things, and now I have six f/os and plenty of love to go around.

I can't believe I now have as many f/os as Henry the 8th had wives, but at least I haven't killed any of my guys...yet lol. I'm mostly a villain shipper, but I've dipped my toes into anti-hero territory over the years. Most of my F/Os are villains, and that's okay. They hate everyone else but they love me ^^

Meet my guys!

Karl Heisenberg- the main man! I married this man Halloween of 2022 and we're still going strong. We also have an adopted son, Nanaue from the Suicide Squad. Karl is probably the most prominently featured f/o on here, and I love him to bits. He's encouraging, sweet, makes cool stuff, and is really big about my own creative endeavors. We support each other and make everything work <3

Astarion- the vampire from Baldur's Gate 3, I absolutely adore him. Normally vamps aren't my thing but this guy's got me by the throat with his sass and unabashed honesty. He's the sassy pansexual boyfriend I feel everyone needs in life ^.^

Elijah Kamski- Elijah is admittedly more of a familial f/o rather than a romantic one. But even so he's important to me and seems to be the perfect brother figure. He's helped me through a lot of my own sibling related trauma and I'm really thankful for that. If you need practical or technical advice, Elijah is my go to guy :)

Otto Octavius- from the Raimi-verse spider-man movies. I've loved this man since I was a child, and he's the oldest of my f/os on here. Partly familial, Partly romantic, my relationship with Otto can be rather complicated. Sometimes we don't even really know what we are to each other and I feel that's okay. He's a great man and I love him so much ^^

Oswald Cobblepot- from the Reeves-verse batman. He's a little out of the ordinary for me but I find we just click. He genuinely cares about me and was there when I was going through a very difficult period when I first moved to this new town. In a way he's my backbone and I appreciate it a ton :)

Rabban- from the 2021 Remake of Dune. This is my most recent F/O. He got my attention about two or three years ago but I really wasn't sure where I stood with him. To a degree we're still figuring everything out. Yes while he's brutal, he's been oddly nothing but kind to me and has been there for me in recent weeks. He's very much interested in my world, and I'm very much into his ^.^

Be sure to read my Rules please!

1. This isn't a Fandom blog per se, but I'd appreciate no Fandom drama on here.

2. Please be nice to me and my guys, we're really just trying here lol.

3. Keep the thirst to a minimum. I get it my guys are good looking, but they're more than that. Feel free to ask them or myself anything.

4. I try to be respectful of other self ships. If I'm shipping with any character that my followers aren't comfortable I fully respect your right to unfollow and block if you need to. I have no desire to make anyone feel uncomfortable or disrespected. I personally don't mind sharing but I know there's a few people who want their f/os to be exclusive to them and that is ABSOLUTELY valid! If you need to leave/block the blog it's perfectly fine and I understand.

5. I don't tolerate hate of any kind. If your only purpose is to come on to this blog and be an asshole you can move right along.

6. I don't think I personally classify myself as pro-ship, I am normally ship and let ship but I do have limits. Yes I know the difference between fiction and IRL but for me personally it all comes down to taste if that makes sense. Self shipping is a spectrum, and I'm on the end of not shipping with people who are far younger than you if you're a grown person. Two consenting adults is fine, but I don't wanna hear some nonsense about how "Oh well this young looking character is actually 1000 years old" or wtf ever. If it looks like a duck, acts like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's a duck, understand?

7. Speaking of ages, I am 30+. I honestly do not feel comfortable with people following me who are under the age of at least 20. It's nothing against anyone personally, but in my opinion if you still have teen at the end of your age, you're still a teenager to me. Granted I don't post adult content, but to be on the safe side if you're under the age of 20 please don't follow me. Thanks <3

8. Feel free to come on here and tell me about your f/os! I'm always happy to hear about anything you guys are doing together! I like to see others happy and how their relationships are going! If you need to vent, I'm always here too! I'd like to make more friends in this community.

9. Understand please that this is a side blog. If I follow anyone it'll be from my main blog, which is am RP blog. Heisen-Shrine isn't an rp blog per se, but I might post little funny/fun scenarios with my and my f/os, just general self shipping shenanigans

10. Just have fun, seriously. Life is too short to not enjoy things. Have fun, take it easy, and whether you use self shipping to cope or for some other reason, don't forget to have fun with it and enjoy just being with your f/os. They love you and they want you to be happy, and believe it or not, so do I <3 you deserve it

[loregoddess]

ask meme for albert legend of dragoon? (i tap my pointer fingers together) :D also hi fellow LoD enjoyer

oho, one of my favorite characters!

How I feel about this character:  Honestly, I love Albert, one of my original favorite characters going back to when I was very young watching my mom play the game. He's just such a pleasant, down-to-earth guy for being, y'know, a king who got stuck with the throne at a young age. Absolutely wonderful character. Also he has my favorite additions of any of the characters.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:  I'll be honest, I don't really ship him with anyone (his age difference with Lavitz is a bit too large for my own comfort, even though they have decent chemistry). I know his relationship with Emille is like, canon and all, and I'm fine with it, but I kinda wish the writers had written it a little bit more...romantically. "Love at first sight" isn't really the best romance trope in my opinion.

My non-romantic OTP for this character:  Lavitz, obviously, but I also love that Albert gets into a few of Meru's shenanigans. Like yeah, Haschel is usually her partner in crime, but Albert was very much a part of the "let's listen in on Dart and Shana" post-St. Louvia, and before that he sought out Meru to "hang out with his friends" on the Queen Fury.

My unpopular opinion about this character:  Not about Albert's characterization per se, but a lot of online guides talk about needing to have Albert or Kongol as part of the permanent party to use as tanks and like, I get it, but it's also not true. You can use literally any combination of characters, and so long as you know how to use them you can not only beat the final boss, but the secret superboss as well (though I will admit, using Rose with either Meru or Shana/Miranda would be one hell of a challenge bc of how much Rose's stat growth drops late-game). Like, don't get me wrong, Albert is fantastic to use in battle, and once you patch his magic defense, he's basically unstoppable, but I have very much beat the game without using either him or Kongol before.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Aside from "please, for the love of love, give him a more believable and well-written romance arc", I really wish we got to see more of Lavitz and Albert's interactions in-game, since most of what we hear about their dynamic is secondhand, after Lavitz's death. Building up their relationship more would've made the scene at Mayfil so much more impactful.

my OTP: Shipping and handling not covered at this station for this character.

my cross over ship: I have exactly one cross-over ship which is also more platonic than romantic, and it involves no characters from LoD. It's also a secret to everyone.

a headcanon fact: Not entirely headcanon, but more a theory that I have about the dragoon spirits and their chosen wielders, but I think an integral driving force of Albert's character is fear. This is partly because all the other wielders of the Jade Dragoon spirit are driven by fear, in some way or another, but the trait isn't as obvious with Albert until later in the game where he actually expresses some deeper anxiety over the world ending (as compared to a few of the other characters). Moreover though, I think a lot of Albert's "fear" actually centers around his kingdom and his own ability to lead it well, as his personal battle on the Moon is with his uncle, the dialogue of which directly addresses Albert's worry over his own weakness as a leader, as well as his realization that his strength comes from his bonds with his companions, and that he will be able to lead his country better than his father or uncle could. (Notably, everyone's personal battle on the Moon has them overcoming whatever integral negative "dragoon trait" is holding them back). I dunno if any of that makes sense, because any time I've tried to sit down and write out my theories for the dragoon spirits and the personalities/characterization of their wielders, I get my thoughts all mixed up, but...yeah.

NOT a headcanon fact, but a canon fact, according to fan translations from the Japanese guidebook, which has extensive notes on all the characters, Albert hates tomatoes. I think this is the funniest piece of trivia the writers could have added, bc it never comes up in the game, it's literally just an obscure fact hidden away in the Japanese guidebook. Absolutely excellent.

[postalninja]

⭐ preach sister 😁

Alrighty, let's keep going then! XD Part 2!

Twin Spears: Written as a treat during the Chocolate Box exchange. I saw that someone had requested Alfyn/Miguel as a pairing in the Octopath tag, and I had never considered that ship before. I kinda went "Huh..." because on the surface it seems so unlikely, but my brain conjured up a super angsty scenario and I just had to write it. But then I wasn't sure if it was really what the requestor wanted, and I waffled on gifting it or not for a while... until they posted an Alfyn/Miguel fic of their own to AO3 and it was full of angst! So I decided to gift them the treat after all and they loved it!

A World of Knowledge Awaits: My first and only crossover fic so far! I absolutely adore Yusuke, and when it occurred to me that he and Cyrus are a similar flavor of oblivious, I started thinking about how I might be able to write something bringing the two of them together. At first I considered having it be set in Tokyo and have Cyrus be one of Yusuke's professors, a Brit who came to Japan to teach, but then my partner commented on how it's canon in Persona 5 that you can go to a parallel dimension using an app on your phone, so... why not Orsterra instead? He's a genius, I tell you! So I went with that, and it worked out really well.

The Head That Wears the Crown: Yes, I know this isn't published yet! But there are some tidbits of lore that aren't necessarily going to be in the story per se, but that I came up with to add depth. One being in regards to Duke Theracio, who we met in Would She Love Me if She Knew?, and his brother King Nathaniel. I wanted to establish that Nathaniel is protective of his younger brother, and the background I came up with for them is that they once had another brother, Thaddeus, the middle child. Before Theracio was born, Thaddeus died in a freak accident (I'm thinking he drowned) and Nathaniel, who was with him at the time, has never forgiven himself for not saving him, even though he was just a child and it wasn't his fault. So when baby Theracio was born, Nathaniel vowed to always protect him T_T

Wanna Bet?: I edited this story a bit recently because it hadn't originally occurred to me that the hand in the water prank only works with warm water. So I changed the part where Tressa sets up the prank to add in the fact that she had heated it up beforehand.

Le Petit Monstre: The first and only RPF I've written about people who are still alive, and I'll admit that I felt a little weird about it considering the context of the fic... but I dreamed this story, and the vibe of it is just so good. So I wrote and posted it anyway, and as a regular Drawfee viewer I am now aware that Karina in particular does look at the Drawfee AO3 tag and reads the fics, and so she has most likely seen my story and judged me for it *crawls into a hole and cries in shame* I'm Sorry!

[trashlie]

In light of ep 179, we revisit revisit the development of Nol and Shinae’s friendship

Who is ready for another found of Ashlie Being EXTREMELY Ashlie starring me, going through old episodes and digging up things to overanalyze? 179 sheds such fascinating insight on the way Nol approached and befriended people, I HAD to go back through and re-examine both his approach and when and how those friendships began to feel real to him, with an emphasis on Shinae.

I will also shortly be putting together a part two follow up, which I’ll link to here once it’s ready! 

In light of the reveal that Nol never really intended to actually be anyone’s friend - that he was trying to rebalance the good and the bad, to improve someone else’s life since he couldn’t improve his own, that he wanted to do good for someone without committing - I decided to revisit some past scenes that always gave me pause, or that I think are especially interesting to revisit with what we know and how it may have changed from what we used to believe. Like most people, I was operating under the assumption that while yes, Nol seemed to really hate himself, I thought he sought out friends he saw himself in and offered the kind of friendships he wanted in return. I was so sure that he treated Shinae the way he wished people would treat him - and while I’m not discounting that there’s probably still some truth to that - acknowledging the additional layers of his mentality in seeking these half-baked relationships makes reviewing certain scenes really fascinating. 

I’ll have to do a full reread, I think, to determine when exactly I think the friendships became real for Nol. I’m inclined to think it was around the arcade episodes, but I’m not entirely certain. Maybe that’s when it starts to trigger? I feel like something about the introduction of Yui in an episode when Nol is out having fun, seeming to drop the worries that plague him, enjoying the presence of these people he’s collected to help, feels like it’s sending him a reminder: you aren’t allowed to care about these people. And what better time for him to start becoming aware of what they meant to him? 

In fact, by the time Nol and Shinae meet again at the Hirahara office when Rika is finding out how Shinae can apply for a job, I think Nol has an easiness with her that suggests a real friendship is blooming? However, there’s definitely things I’ve questioned about those episodes that stay on my mind: why is Nol so insistent about working with friends, is there any meaning to his dejected expression when Kousuke whisks him off to dinner, and what’s up in the car? 

Here’s the thing: he’s obviously pushing it because it is his karmic duty or whatever to help her in whatever way he can. If a job would make things better for her, he’s going to encourage and support her as her friend (using it in bold to imply that this is his intention as Nol-balancing-the-good-and-bad not Yeonggi being a pal). In fact, he actually literally states “I’d love to work alongside friends“ in bold which is giving me pause in retrospect. Is it just because he didn’t TRULY think of her as a friend yet, that it was all fake? But my other thing is, Nol knows that Shinae isn’t exactly eager for his friendship, so if he’s pushing her to apply because FWIENDSHIP you’d think he wouldn’t use friendship as the enticer because why would she bite at that? Is it something that he’s not aware of? I can’t imagine that’s so. At any rate, he’s clearly egging her on in his quest to help improve her state of being, but boy the way he goes about it is weird. 

Secondly, when Kousuke is dragging Nol out to eat, Nol wears a long expression and seems like he’s glancing back towards her - he actually does turn back and wave goodbye. This is something that makes me wonder if by this point Nol was already growing fond of Shinae as a friend. I mean, obviously he is no mood to go off with Kousuke and sit through dinner with him and listen to him insult him further, but it’s just the way his expression seems to direct towards Shinae that makes me think that maybe, even without him realizing it, Nol is feeling even worse to leave behind a friend and have to go to dinner with Kousuke. 

There’s a lot of other things I continue to question about that entire couple of episodes - like, what’s with the stand off with Nol and Kousuke both take off their coats? I continue to baffle over that one because I know it’s not about Shinae. I also used to question if the little smile Nol wears after Kousuke attempts to eat the burger with his hands was a smile that Kousuke was, for once, trying something very normal, but now days, I’m willing to bet it’s a more perverse pleasure at seeing Kousuke pushed into doing something that made him uncomfortable, a quiet, mean-spirited enjoyment? 

But the other thing that brings me back to that series of episodes is in the car when Nol covers Shinae with his jacket. I’ve ALWAYS contemplated that series of expressions he wears: going from a probably forced Yeonggi smile to the expression dropping a bit and a sweat drop appearing to a genuinely sad expression before he turns to look out the window. I never really was sure what I thought it meant before but now I think we have enough light to glean a little more from it. This is, of course, sheer conjecture, but I have to wonder if it’s a moment of Nol and his Yeonggi persona warring - this acknowledgment that he’s doing these things to “be a nice person” (but a truly nice person doesn’t have that stipulation attached) and maybe even feeling a fondness for her as a friend before remembering that he’s not allowed to feel that, that he’s not supposed to care about any of these people, that it’s dangerous to actually befriend people. I don’t know when Nol would have had to take his tests to apply to Oxford, but I wonder if by that point he already knew his plans, and entangling with anyone knew made him feel guilty? Again, conjecture. 

At any rate, I think it’s around this time that Nol is starting to realize these people are his friends - truly his friends, that it’s becoming real, and maybe is even internalizing that there’s something very wrong with treating people like friends when you don’t intend to keep them as such - and moreso, that he ENJOYS being their friends and wants to maintain that friendship. And Kousuke is very aware of this. I think this is important to note, because though Kousuke does not realize that Nol pretends to maintain these friendships, he does see these little moments that Nol probably thinks are private going unseen, he does see the “effect” Shinae has on him - which I’m using loosely because, again, I think it’s Kousuke interpreting Nol’s behavior differently from what it is. I think it’s also important to highlight for posts to come re: Kousuke and Shinae in regards to Nol, but that’s a post for another day.

By the time Nol is hanging out at the Wac during Shinae’s shift, I think Nol’s in a deeper conflict with his feelings. From what we know now, obviously he feels like he has an obligation to help her, because again, he’s trying to make other peoples’ lives better, he’s trying to rebalance the good and the bad, to do something nice for people. But his sense of obligation - staying the entire shift, ordering more nuggets when he thinks she needs a reprieve from shitty customers, the urging her to follow up on her application - all feel like extra steps. Now, we can also argue that Nol was probably very much like this with Soushi and Dieter. From the way he throws around the word cute and says things like “then I can see you more”, I think Nol pushes his boundaries a lot without thinking about the repercussions, so going above and beyond to help Shinae get a job isn’t out of line. But it’s also possible that going above and beyond is what leads him to truly care about these people, as real friends. 

When Nol tells Shinae “I really am just trying to be a decent friend” there’s no weird emphasis on friends, his eyes are open (though he turns away so we can’t really see his face). This, plus the way he calls to follow up on her application, both make me think that it’s safe to say that by this point, Nol sees Shinae as a real friend, whether or not he’s admitting it to himself yet. It might be why he actually backed off, too; he acknowledged that he was going too far and as a friend that wasn’t okay. I realize this implies that Nol didn’t respect Shinae before their friendship became real for him, but perhaps it’s simply that he grew to respect her even more, because now he realized this friendship went both ways, and he didn’t want to make things worse for her. It went against the very thing he was trying to achieve. 

This is something I wanted to establish because I think by the time of the Kim formal, Nol and Shinae are friends. We know it’s the night that she finally accepts his friendship and feels a bond with him, but I think it’s also the night Nol acknowledges to himself something he’s figured out as truth, that has BEEN true. Somewhere in the span of the arcade to the the Wac, Nol has come to enjoy Shinae’s friendship - not as as person helping her, but as a friend. 

I think we see a marked transition in how Nol treats Shinae the friend at the formal vs how he treated Shinae the person he’s helping prior. Before he was trying to pull her out of her comfort zone, he was trying to lead her to things he thought would benefit her (the job, getting her more comfortable with Dieter, the way he all but pushed his friendship on her), but afterwards, he’s REALLY respectful of the boundary that Shinae drew, like really conscious of it and trying to not cross it. I know that seems like such a minor thing but I think it’s safe to say that at this point Nol is respecting Shinae as a friend. And the whole night he does this. Lines like let me know if I’m pushing your boundaries, I don’t want to push your limits, he remains mindful of Shinae’s comfort and boundary. Everything he does during the formal feels like the act of a concerned friend, a genuine friend. For Shinae, this is especially important, because Nol essentially becomes a lifeline to her during what will turn into her worst night ever. 

Bear with me, this was the entire inspiration for this long post: the dance with Kousuke. 

A theory I enjoyed musing about was that when Nol catches sight of Shinae laughing as he tries to make her relax during the dance, it’s the moment he realizes he likes her/starts to like her/it kickstarts feelings. Quimchee was once asked on curiouscat what Nol is into and her answer was something about a nice smile, so you can see where the theory came from. These days I don’t think Nol was catching feels at the moment - especially now that we know what his state of misery was, now that we know his friends were all meant to repair his karma, now that we know he truly believes his situation can never change or become better. Nol barely allowed himself to admit he cared about friends, I don’t think he has been developing romantic feelings. HOWEVER that’s clearly still an important moment - there would be no reason otherwise to highlight his widened eye, his shock at seeing her react to his efforts with laughter. 

That is the moment, I think, that Nol realizes and admits it to himself: Shinae is a friend and he cares about her and he cares about her happiness. Doing something dumb during a moment that she’s uncomfortable and watching it work, watching it bring her laughter, has an effect on her, and the effect is realizing that he cares about this friend and he’s not just repaying bad with good. He’s being a friend. 

When Shinae goes to talk to him after the dance and he returns her jacket, they have a moment that I have ALWAYS pondered over. “Shinae. We’re friends, right?” Nol asks wearing his fake smile mask. I used to think it was insecurity, because he’d tried so hard to win her friendship but now that we know he wasn’t really trying to BE friends, just faking it, I think it’s easier to read it now as, perhaps, Nol testing the waters. The realization that yeah, they ARE friends. That it’s a reciprocal friendship, that he’s done the unfathomable and once again allowed a person to mean something to him, to become a person he cares about. He’s sounding it out because now he’s realized it is real. 

Which is funny, because that brings me to something else that I’ve always wondered about. When Kousuke is accusing Nol of being a skirt chaser (good lord), Nol delivers the line “What’s it gonna take for people to understand I’m only seeking something platonic. Just because she’s a girl and I’m a dude people assume I want something else” with his eyes closed. I touched on this in another post but the short version is: it’s easy to read this like Nol is lying and that he IS seeking something that isn’t platonic or something like that, because why else are his eyes closed. This isn’t a facade kind of eyes closed. But I think it’s because the lie is that Nol does want something else - he’s not even intentionally seeking friendship, it’s meant to be fake, but he’s out here acting sincerely as a friend, when he wasn’t supposed to get close to anyone. When all he wanted all along WAS something else - to help someone and balance out the good and the bad. 

And instead, he ended up with a genuine friend. 

(I do continue to muse over the moment that Kousuke asks Nol why he didn’t interrupt them and Nol merely looks at him without replying. Is it simply that he can’t believe Kousuke thinks that of him? Is it that he knows an interruption would have been even more embarrassing for Shinae? Is it that Kousuke didn’t even notice that the reason Shinae loosened up had nothing to do with him or her becoming comfortable but because it was Nol? That he did his part without making a scene?) 

Anyway I think that moment of Nol realizing that “oh no I care about Shinae oh no she’s my friend” is especially important to highlight for the rest of what follows. Firstly, when Sangchul pushes Nol’s buttons, it involves Shinae and Alyssa. He’s stopped when Sangchul calls Shinae his bitch and it’s made worse when he brings up Alyssa and suddenly Nol doesn’t hold back. These are his friends and he is responding not as a person helping them but as someone who cares about them and their wellbeing. In fact, Nol has already dealt with two extreme encounters related to this.

One: When Kousuke has the audacity to imply Nol should be with Alyssa instead of concerned about Shinae, Nol enters a deal with him, full well knowing what will come of it.

Two: Nol runs into his father and finally stands up to him, willing to accept his wrath, because finding his friend in danger is far more important. 

Regarding his father, Nol knows very well what his defiance can cost him, but he’s worried enough about Shinae that it’s a risk he’s willing to take. Notably, too, he refers to Shinae as a friend and there’s no implications he’s lying. Not only is his fake friendship real, but it’s worth defying his father. 

(Of course it’s worth noting: Nol already believes that caring about people leads to their harm. He believes that he makes bad things happen, that the good and bad balance is off and bad will continue to follow him. So, it’s safe to assume that as well as acknowledging that he cares about Shinae, he also believes she’s in danger because of him, because he cared about her and now he has to fix this, too. But that also leads to my next point.) 

When Nol tells Kousuke he’ll do whatever he asks of him until the end of the year, he already knows what it will be. Kousuke has already told Nol to limit his interactions with Shinae, is already trying to sever their friendship. Nol is locking himself into a promise that he will use to his benefit, because knowing that a. his friendship is not as fake as he pretended and b. another person he cares about is in danger, I think Nol has already decided to sever the tie himself. Knowing that Kousuke will tell him to stay away from Shinae, Nol makes a deal when all he had to do was walk off and ignore Kousuke. He’s already made up his mind. He’s going to help Shinae and then he’s out of here.

It wasn’t the guilt of dropping her into the pool. 

It was knowing that once again harm befell someone he cared about.

(And likely both cases involve Yui.) 

The fact that not only was Nol unable to help Shinae but it was him who dropped them, he’s the reason Shinae fell into the water and hit her head is obviously a heavy weight of guilt, and it merely proves to himself that he’s correct: that he cannot be friends with Shinae (or anyone else for that matter), that she is yet another in a list of people hurt because of proximity to him. Who was he kidding? Who did he think he is, believing that maybe he could have friends after all? 

And thus begins Nol’s quiet exit, his attempt to extricate himself from the lives of those he’s grown to care about (and his subsequent inability to do so). 

Now I don’t think the balcony scene at the hospital is necessarily changed by the revelations that Nol never sought out Shinae’s friendship for real as much as just gives further weight to moments that already resonate. When Nol talks about how it’s his guilt that brought him back, that it’s his fault she ended in the hospital - it’s not simply about dropping her. It’s his guilt that he got close to her, his guilt that he cared when he knew better, his guilt that (as he believes) he was punished for daring to do what he knew he couldn’t and she was the one harmed, to remind him he can never change his circumstances, he can never have better. 

(It’s funny, how they both carry this sense of guilt. Shinae, too, thinks none of this would have happened if Nol had never taken it upon himself to look after her and take care of her. She feels the weight of being important to someone like a burden, that she’s caused people to worry, that because people care about her they’ve done rash, stupid things. Both of them feel so much guilt!) 

Anyway, i think it’s really worth revisiting that episode fresh off the back of 179. It really brings an added weight to those ambiguous thought bubbles: “I’m pathetic”, “what do you even see in me, I’m just a waste of time”, “I don’t deserve you”, “I’m the bother”, Nol’s arm always reaching for what he never allows himself to grasp. Though their circumstances are different - Shinae feels like she’s failing a friend who has been nothing but good and taking out her emotions on him undservingly; Nol has come to realize how much he cares about Shinae and how he doesn’t deserve her for the way he’s lied and tricked her, for the way he tried to be something he wasn’t so how dare he think he deserves her friendship, he’s just a waste of time - they share this same sentiment towards one and other and I think in light of episode 180 it’s even more poignant. Nol and Shinae don’t know much about each other at all, but this moment at the hospital stitches them together, no matter how hard Nol tries to run away later. The emotional resonance that binds them operates at the same frequency as the other. It’s what brings them back to each other over and over, even when Nol has told himself not to. It’s what makes them so important to each other. 

How can Nol move on from that? That vulnerable moment of Shinae clinging to his coat and crying, something so private and exposing, the way he provides her that moment of reprieve, a safe place to let it out, and his realization that maybe Shinae’s problems are bigger than he’d once thought, not something easily fixed by his saccharine smiles and sweetness. I don’t think it’s until later that he registers just how bad it is, but it might be the beginning of Nol realizing that Shinae suffers more than he realizes, more than she lets anyone in. How is he supposed to walk away from her after they’ve established that connection, this intimate moment of vulnerability that changes the way he sees her? 

I’ll be saving THAT for the next post, though, because there’s a couple moments in particular that I really want to give time to. Nol tries so very hard to make his escape, to slip away, but unfortunately for him it’s not as easy as he expected because not only did Shinae come to embrace his friendship, but their shared experience and now mutual-trauma at the hands of Yui has brought them together, bound by a moment of vulnerability from a girl who tried so hard to fortify her walls. For Shinae, that whole night is a nightmare, half a blur that she can’t remember, a fall she has no recollection of, waking up in a hospital with no recollections of an attempted assault. It leaves her vulnerable and feeling small and the small source of comfort to her through the night was the very person who now feels he is nothing but a danger to her, that he must remove himself from her life if he’s to protect her.

And isn’t that sad? That he cares enough about his friends that he wants to protect them, but foolishly believes the only way he can do that is by leaving them?

This is what leads to my next post: how Nol is so dedicated to his cause, but also so often derailed, and how this factors into the growth and development of his relationship with Shinae. Simply put, the weight of Shinae’s importance is so heavy that not even his own moral compass can keep him on what he believes is the right path. 

[tamsinbeybey-she-no-porcupine]

I love that you ship Miranda and Gary! There really isn't enough Miranda content on here so here's permission to rant and long post about it!

awww thank you <3

You know what I love most about them?

it's the theme of no matter how weird you are, there is a person out there who has their own weird but just digs your weirdness (I think I'm paraphrasing "Alma's not normal" now XD)

And for me that is Miranda and Gary.

She is odd and creative and funny and weird and so chaotic

and he seems like Mr. Perfect in the beginning when you wonder for a second on how on earth they became friends in uni because they seem so different.

But then we get to learn more about Gary and his own brand of weirdness but it's like he's more one to "act normal" whereas Miranda embraces her uniqueness.

and then with time and their whole on off thing I feel like Gary works through a lot o stuff about second hand embarrassment and hiding his weird and Miranda learns that she doesn't need him but wants him in her life and my heart! And it's not easy or perfect but for them it's worth it. And it was a long road but they grew together and my heart.

I also love that it isn't about looks per se. I mean lets face is Gary is conventionally very attractive but he has, like every normal person, flaws in his character. He isn't written as a token hot guy like for example Danny.

And Miranda, if it were a Hollywood show she would probably be a "quirky girl" who is very pretty but weird and the guys fall for her and then have to learn to get along with her weird because it's worth it since she is pretty. Whereas Miranda is not conventionally attractive but her character is the thing that makes people fall for her (and also her looks it turns out!). I also love that Gary tells her early on that she shouldn't think that people don't find her attractive because they do. and that she also comes to the conclusion that she can be sexy.

It shows that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder and even though someone might not be conventionally attractive there is someone out there who digs that. not that that's the most important thing in the world but it is a nice message for those of us who are maybe worried if they'll find someone.

Funny story: I made some of Miranda's faces before I knew the show and a friend watched it and said I remind her of Miranda so much (I'm also weird but less funny) and she said to me that she wishes I'll find my Gary and that's so yeah...

I wish all of us would find our Gary someone who digs our weird and brings their own and you make it work and grow together.

(Fun fact I had a long time best friend of whom I for a long time thought he would be my Gary and there was also on off affection there. but the friendship ended on bad terms and now Miranda x Gary has a bit of a bitter aftertaste for me)

[letsbeoutoftouch]

Three days ago, I decided to start watching one of the Chinese dramas that had been sitting on my Netflix to-watch list for as long as I use it: 'A Love So Beautiful'.

I was (am) really excited over the Korean version because the FL is So Joo Yeon, whom I love since I watched 'Romantic Doctor Teacher Kim 2' last year―she's adorable!

However, I knew that the Korean version was a remake, so I figured I should start with the Chinese one first. Besides, a few years ago one of my ex-friends told me I should watch it, and she has a pretty good taste in dramas... So, well―I succumbed. And, oh my! I'm so glad I did!

· · ·

'A Love So Beautiful' is a coming of age drama, which depicts the lives of five friends as from the moment they meet in high school up to adulthood, and how they learn about love, friendship and life in general. It especially revolves around Chen Xiaoxi (Shen Yue, from 'Meteor Garden') and Jiang Chen (Hu Yi Tian, from 'Unrequited Love').

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♡ PLOT & EPISODES:

It is a really light-hearted drama, and its plot is uncomplicated. It is ideal for when you are in the mood for something that doesn't have twists and turns, and/or whose plot doesn't require a great effort to follow. If you feel like watching a drama like that, then I really recommend you to start this one.

Although it's made up of 23 episodes (and one special episode), they are approximately 40-minutes long each. Therefore, I didn't feel that they were tiresome to watch. Also, as a person who gets distracted quite easily ―I have the attention span of a goldfish―, I must emphasise that I didnt pause it at all―except, maybe, to go and grab some snacks... And to post that screenshot with a reference to Argentina, lol.

· · ·

♡ CHARACTERS:

Xiaoxi (FL): This character is a well-known one in dramaland―the typical female lead who is really (and when I say really, I mean extremely, blindly) in love with the male lead, no matter his actions or the words that leave his mouth.

I normally find this type of character annoying (yes, I'm looking at you, Nao). I find it painful to watch that she keeps resiliently following the male lead, even when he is continuously humilliating her. Of course, if you keep in mind that she is a teenager, then you may be able to understand the way she behaves―we were all a little bit like that during our younger years... Or, at least, I know I was. However, that's hard to remember when the story depicts her to be neither a teenager nor an adult, although she is supposed to be the former. By this I don't mean that teenagers can't go through situations that may force them to 'grow up' quickly, but stuff like 'living alone with my classmate' is not a normal situation for a teen (especially, with their parents consent ¿¿¿¿¿)―that's more adult-ish.

Anyways, back to Xiaoxi.

When I think about my younger self, I think she might ―in some points― relate to Xiaoxi. Why? That's simple―because she truly acts like a teenager. For her, the problems she faces are like the end of the world, and deals with them as (most) young people would.

Amongst those problems, love is obviously included. She's devoted to the love she feels, and doesn't waver. She's always true to her feelings and to her heart―sometimes, a little too much for my liking. However, her genuiness and stubborness are two of the traits I liked the most about her.

But Xiaoxi is not entirely naïve―not all the time, at least. She stood her ground in some parts of the story, as a teenager and, mostly, as an adult. I must admit that one kick was amazing―I was lying in bed and I literally had to sit up and scream 'APLICADÍSIMA' (an Argentinian slang that, in this context, could be translated as 'nicely done').

▫ ▫ ▫

Jiang Chen (ML): Yet another typical character in dramas. He's one of those guys who barely speaks, looks serious 24/7 and, the most important thing, has feelings but is unable to show them most of the time.

I'm not going to deny that people like that do exist in real life (now that I think about it, I may be like that irl, lol), but the real problem is how they are portrayed in dramas. I mean, the fact that a person gathers all those characteristics within them does not equal to being an a*shole (again, I'm so looking at you, Uehara).

Jian Chen sometimes acts like an a*shole, I'm not going to deny that. He mostly acts like that out of jealousy, which doesn't make it right. However, he's continuously growing out of that behaviour (maybe not so much out of jealousy 🙃), and that's what I liked about this character. Even if his character doesn't entirely lose his true essence (being serious is not a bad trait per se, just to name something), it was refreshing to see that, when he's with her, he wouldn't act like he doesn't care about her at all.

▫ ▫ ▫

Wu Bosong (SML): Oh, dear. He's the sweetest. For real.

I'm not the kind of person who usually falls for the second male lead (for example, in Heirs I was always team Kim Tan, although everyone loved Young Do and shipped Eun Sang with him). However, this time, I found myself falling for Bosong really, really hard.

His character is yet another cliché―the sweet boy who's always helping the FL and has to be content with watching her from the sidelines. However, his kind and tender nature slowly captured my heart.

*spoiler alert* It broke my soul that the story was unfair to him―he deserved way better. Not only romantically speaking―all the scenes where his grandma doesn't recognise him were so, so heartbreaking. I know life isn't fair, but it is a drama! Don't make the poor boy suffer that much 😭.

However, even though I loved this character a lot, I ―by no means― shipped him and Xiaoxi. He deserved someone who would give him their entire heart―and, let's face it, Xiaoxi would never grow out of her love for Jian Chen. *end of spoiler alert*

· · ·

♡ FRIENDSHIP:

As far as I'm concerned, most people are only interested in the romantic side of dramas ―which is fine, of course―, but I'm adding this item because it was seriously one of the things I enjoyed the most about this drama.

The chemistry between the five of them is awesome. Sometimes, it's not just about how nicely the leads are to each other―I think that portraying a great friendship is equally important. After all, life is not just about romantic love―it's about all the other kinds of love, as well.

It was sweet that they not only grew up together, but also that they stayed friends even if they had other things going on in their lives. They were unconditional to each other, but that didn't just stayed in high school―it followed them to their adult lives. They still tried to find the time to meet, even if they were busy (*spoiler alert* Xiaoxi's fansigning! *end of spoiler alert*), and supported and had each other's back no matter what.

I liked how friendship was one of the main topics in the drama.

· · ·

♡ SUMMARY:

If you're looking for a cute and light coming-of-age drama (and you don't mind a school drama―i.e., dealing with the fact that they are teenagers during most of it), then A Love So Beautiful is the one for you.

Also, if you haven't ever seen a Chinese drama (and you're up to a drama with the characteristics abovementioned), then I recommend you start with this one. It's not boring, chapters are relatively short (40-minutes-long episodes are considerably shorter than Korean drama's one-hour ones).

The acting was great (again, bear in mind that the characters are teenagers!), the chemistry between the leads was good, and, if you're like me, you'll enjoy the chemistry between the entire group (*spoiler alert* although Bosong and Jian Cheng are ready to throw hands at each other like 99% of the time *end of spoiler alert*).

If you have some time, I highly recommend you to watch it!

I'm leaving the trailer here, if you want to check it out:

A Love So Beautiful is available on NETFLIX, VIKI and YOUTUBE!

· · ·

I hope you liked this 'review'. I wanted to write one since I finished the drama, but I have been busy studying for my finals.

Sending lots of love during these weird times ♡