#this makes me smile every time i see it

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[deadpoets]

DEAD POETS SOCIETY (1989) dir. Peter Weir

[visions--of--collisions]

Miles gets his first piercing! by @fluma_z

[nateezfics]

the wine red hair, the smile, the little dimple at the corner of his lips, his teeth. he is so attractive down to his very last detail oh my god i am in awe.

[skeletoninthemelonland]

[arrgh-whatever]

Your art POV when it appears on my tumblr page <3

😭😭😭😭😭💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

thank you!!

[transbrucewayne]

Yes I know he’s his manager yes I know he’s not connected to McLaren other than through Oscar but it just gets me that Mark consistently likes every. single. one. of Oscar’s instagram posts, and not only that, but likes ever single McLaren post that involves Oscar (and only those. literally)

[skunkes]

sobbingggg bc u unlock a tamagotchi in dave the diver at some point and mine turned into a beluga one of my favorite adorable beasts

[abzania]

We all know that Aziraphale's going to ultimately step down as Supreme Archangel because a life without Crowley isn't sustainable for him. I would like to present the best replacement (in my opinion):

Reasons I think Muriel is the best and most logical choice for Aziraphale's replacement:

Their new placement on Earth will give them the insight they need to be a good leader in Heaven.

Bright and cheery. Eager to please. Hard worker.

Doesn't assume the worst with either Aziraphale or Crowley (see their report to Michael).

Good angel.

Also, I love them, and I think they deserve the promotion.

[pickled-flowers]

Saw some of the grossest parenting today in the bus

[loving-jack-kelly]

i think. for spot being in love is the biggest and most unexpected thing in the world to him he didn't expect it he doesn't quite believe it's real he can't get over it. and for race it's another tuesday. and this means that race says I love you first because it's not hard for him and race says it more often because it's not hard for him and race says it more casually because it's not hard for him but spot says it and feels it from his head to his toes and there are not three words in the English language that mean more to him than "I love you" to say. or to hear.

[cloudselkie]

There are some people in the same hall as us in the complex and every time I see their welcome mat, my brains just leaps to every Bill Wurtz video I've ever seen.

[akaluan]

What's the use of being an adult if I can't paper my office door in cute things that I love?

(all charms by @satsuha )

[hollywoodsargeant]

logan smile thesis

so as someone who is both obsessed with logan sargeant and generally really abnormal about smiles when it comes to men i find attractive... i present: me yelling about logan sargeant's smile for entirely too long. because i have a lot of thoughts and feelings about him (and a lot of time on my hands)

i've said it before and i'll say it again: i really like logan's smile!! especially when he smiles really big and his eyes get all squinty to a point where you can barely see them, like. you want to see me fail. and i am failing. so thank you. BUT that is actually not the point of My Thesis

this is the thesis.

okay. uhm. voice of someone who is very normal he very rarely smiles with his teeth when he knows his photo is being taken. there definitely are pictures of him out there where he's looking straight at the camera and full-smiling with his teeth, but the vast majority of pictures where you can tell he knows the camera is there he tends to smile like the left image: lips closed, and lopsided skewing right

LIKE. yeah. emphasis on the middle photo pretty much every selfie i've seen of him with a fan he smiles without teeth -- there's only one i can think of off the top of my head that's different, and it was with like a little kid if i remember correctly (i am logan sargeant encyclopedia)

either way look at this guy and his shut-mouthed grin. so intentional

and on that, most of (if not all) of the selfies he posts on his instagram stories he smiles like this. or just doesn't smile at all, which he also does in plenty of photos, but are you really an f1 driver if there aren't nine billion pictures of you on the internet looking like you want to murder somebody?? not the point of this post

i just think it is interesting that when he takes pictures of himself, he doesn't smile with his teeth. it's the little sideways grin or nothing at all

so most pictures i've seen where he is smiling with teeth he's just. not looking at the camera. or it's one where you can tell he was in the middle of laughing so it's just-- more candid. i mentioned it before but yes there definitely are pictures of him smiling for the camera, and not just around a camera, but there are so few of them (that i've seen) that i made this entire tumblr post about nonsense. so. do with that what you will

also. he's been doing it since he was a kid. + bonus oscar

[todayisafridaynight]

what makes minedai even sadder is that we never rlly see daigo try to build a bond with anyone else like he did with mine it rlly shows how badly it effected him like yeah he reached out to shinada in y5 but that’s rlly it and he probably would wanna leave him alone after that and not involve him in any yakuza stuff so i don’t think they would’ve hung out or anything like that afterwards. All he rlly had were saejima and majima but they were more like babysitters than anything, wish we saw more of their dynamic tho like we did with majima and daigo in dead souls since that was fun and we were lowkey robbed but in canon he’s just as lonely as he was before majimas promise to kiryu. And mine is the only person he really had a meaningful relationship with romantic or not they were still really close and we don’t see that again with daigo ever (from what i recall after y3) ok sorry for rambling LMFAO

even with shinada, he reached out to him more so out of 'duty' and trying to make up for the misfortune that befell him because of yakuza than wanting to rekindle any kind of friendship they might have had in high school (though it sounds more like they were just acquaintances if shinada needing a second to remember who daigo was is anything), so yah i doubt they really had any kind of bond afterwards

dead souls really was the only time after Y3 where we got to see daigo be more sociable with someone, but its as you say majima and saejima are more like retainers than close friends

[skitskatdacat63]

I literally can't stop thinking about this sequence of pictures, actually completely brainrotting me