#this one's probably the most abstract take to this but I still wanted to draw it out-- it seemed very neat

[manicpixiedreamedwins]

Alright. I've been talking about writing a meta about Charles and jealousy for a while, so here it is. It's a mess. I tried to make it more concise than it was, if you can believe that.

Be forewarned, below the cut we'll be diving into some canon compliant triggers like Charles' home life. Please, please, please note that now is the time to leave if you are not in a good space to read about those.

Okay. First I want to establish a few things before I get to analyzing the scenes, because I think it is important that we have empathy for Charles here. This might be a bit of a long preamble, but if you could stay with me I'd appreciate it. I promise I am going somewhere with all of this.

I think a lot of us have been told, perhaps by a parent or a friend, that jealousy is unbecoming or bad. Think about it. I know growing up that is a message I heard frequently even though I saw adults exhibit it. This was actually pretty confusing to try and work out. Anyway, now with this almost puritanical obsession with good pure and healthy relationships in media, it's gotten worse. We're told any human flaw we have is something we have to fix or we are not deserving of love. Yes, including jealousy.

Only if that's the case, Charles is fighting uphill here. Here's why:

For reference 41:30 -42:00 in episode 4 is the flashback that The Night Nurse shows Charles of his home. If we unpack this we can learn a lot of things, but there are two that I would like two draw your attention to today:

Charles' dad clearly isn't someone Charles could form a secure attachment to. He seems to only be acknowledging Charles when he's angry, and only acknowledging him in a very violent manner. He's also not really communicating with him, and expecting Charles to know what he's upset about I guess? Truly, this man is terrifying. He knows his family is afraid of him, and he knows they'll scramble to try and fix whatever his issue is.

Charles' mom doesn't intervene. Now, I do not want to hear any vile junk in my notes. She's a battered woman and has probably been in the same position that Charles has, considering Charles himself is worried about her once he is dead. He's worried enough that he checks in on her every week. It makes it all the more heartbreaking that Charles is the one who has taken it upon himself to try and "make it better" (although this is not uncommon among kids who grow up in abusive households, alarmingly).

It definitely drives home that there is a clear hierarchy in the home (everyone tries to please the most volatile person), and you're at the bottom of the pyramid. Even if it's just because you and everyone else in the household is too terrified to do anything about the most abusive person's behavior, you still feel the weight of never being put first. You will never be put first, because how could you be? "You never made it better than you died" (via The Night Nurse) holds a crushing amount of meaning here.

Alright. Now we have established that Charles had some messed up stuff happen at home. Let's take that a step further. Adverse childhood experiences can lead to a variety of attachment styles that are not secure and... you guessed it, jealousy can get thrown in the mix. (This link leads to an abstract of a very interesting research article. If you request the full test directly from the researcher they will provide it for free, but it takes time. The basic idea here is that if kids aren’t able to form secure attachments to their parents, then they will struggle to feel secure in their relationships as they grow up. Sometimes that can manifest as jealousy).

Still with me after all of that? You are god's strongest soldier, lmao. Now let's get into the good stuff.

Charles dies, but there in the attic he meets Edwin. Charles chooses Edwin over the blue light without a second thought. He comforted him when he was dying, and that tenderness is foreign for Charles. The choice is an easy one.

He enjoyed it, and he enjoys Edwin. Edwin, in turn, turns out to be is someone who unequivocally, continuously, puts Charles first. He also does something really important- Charles seeks reassurance, and Edwin gives it ("You ever think, what if Death did catch us? She'd force us to go to the afterlife and split up" Charles asks. "I will make sure that never happens" Edwin answers, all while they're hanging on the side of their office). This is one of the first things we learn about them in the pilot. Charles knows he can count on Edwin. This wasn't something he had from anyone in life.

So things go fine for Charles for a long while. Edwin hasn't given him any reason to feel insecure in all that time it seems. He’s done a great job making Charles feel safe. Charles even feels secure enough that it is his idea to try and integrate Crystal into the agency, although Edwin clearly hates it. Crystal isn’t a threat to his friendship with Edwin, so it would appear Charles still feels reasonably secure in their relationship at this point.

Charles even explains or excuses a lot of Edwin's reactions to try and smooth things over. He tries to mediate between them during their first plan to rescue Becky from Esther's house the best he can. He allows Edwin to have a leg of the case with just the two of them, but he tries to frame it as protecting Crystal.

But then it's Edwin's turn to shake up the foundation that their relationship is built on.

Edwin had a lot of issues to attend to this season, and he tried to deal with most of them alone. Most of the problems Edwin had to handle put definite distance between him and Charles- how couldn't they? He was being hit on, which was a very new experience for him. He probably didn't even know how to talk about that at first, as evidenced by his description of the CK speaking closely to his ear (oh sweet summer child). He also learned about his feelings for the first time, which Monty had to finish spelling out for him.

This all, however, is where we see a shift in the dynamic. It's significant.

Edwin uses magic on a cat and has to go and meet with the Cat King. Whoops. 🙃 Charles slides easily into his role as a protector, but… Edwin stops him.

Honestly, Edwin had a good reason to do this. He pointed out that cat scratches can cause serious harm to ghosts, and they were surrounded. As endearing as this was, this wouldn’t have been an easy fight. They can just talk this out, right? He gets whisked away for a few minutes to do that (and then winds up opening a bigger can of worms).

From Charles’ perspective though, Edwin doesn’t allow him to help him, and then vanishes for a long period of time. Then he absolutely won’t tell him anything about it when he does come back. Charles knew Edwin was a little mad at him in the pilot, but they were still communicating for the most part. The secrecy is a shift, and it’s not one he’s coping well with. He tries a few different ways to reconnect.

First he tries gentle. He just asks what happened from a place of concern. This might have worked actually, only I’m not even sure Edwin knows how to fully describe what happened during their encounter. He rushes through a description, and Charles still feels like something is missing. He doesn’t like that someone else has a secret with Edwin— for thirty years they’ve been connected. This feels frightening to him, and Edwin doesn’t seem particularly worried that they’re not on the same page.

He tries to pick the conversation back up later when they’re searching for the dandelion shrine, but Edwin doesn’t give any additional information. So he slides back into his role of being a protector again and defends him against the ambient skeletons, because at least he can protect him from that easily. For a moment, things almost seem normal again, but this resurfaces in a later case.

Edwin meets with CK again in episode 4. Charles is still raw after the events of the Devlin House, and now he’s just pissed. He’s hurting, and Edwin is still keeping this weird secret. They end up bickering back and forth. The bickering tells us something interesting about Charles’ concerns.

Charles: What did he want? He didn't whisk you away again? Got that bracelet off?

Edwin: I'd be back at the office right now if the bracelet was off. He wanted to know if I counted the cats, and my guess was unsatisfactory.

Charles: Thinks he can come and go... He can't show up in the middle of cases. Did you tell him that?

Edwin: Matter of fact, I did.

Charles: Can't believe you didn't tell us. I've had enough of secrets about that wankеr.

Edwin: Why are you getting so angry?

What stands out to me here is Charles is upset about a few things: he hates that Edwin is getting taken away from him by a being they can’t control (a logical fear, considering they’re running from death together). He hates that this is happening in the middle of case time that is supposed to be for him and Edwin (and their friends, who Charles trusts). He is still really upset that Edwin has a secret with someone else (I really don’t think he’d be bothered if the secret was with him).

That’s why he’s upset. Charles isn’t feeling secure. He doesn’t feel like their relationship is on good footing right now. Whether or not he knows how to phrase that or ask for support is a different question.

Onto Monty (sorry these are a bit out of order— I put them by character for this part).

Charles wasn’t aware of Monty. This probably already bothered him a little, considering the mystery surrounding the cat king, but he tried to be a good sport. Monty wasn’t outwardly threatening. He came with gifts. He seemed friendly. Charles tried to match that… only to get snubbed. Ouch.

Charles likes to claim he’s aces with other people, but he ultimately died because his friends turned on him and killed him the second he stood up for what was important to him. I think peer relationships are a particularly sticky situation for him. I think he knew how to fit in the same way he knew how not to rock the boat in a volatile home. With Edwin it was different though— Edwin just liked him. Edwin was special.

But of course yet another boy their age doesn’t like him (probably a little upsetting, considering how he died). The only thing that’s confusing to him here is he didn’t really do anything wrong— he was polite. He followed along with all the little niceties people do, even when they don’t want to. Maybe this wouldn’t have bothered him so much in another situation, but now Edwin is wrapped up with him instead of Charles. He's picked him instead (in Charles' mind).

He can’t even shake this when Monty isn’t there.

Charles tries to get Edwin's attention... and fails. so he begins to have a conversation with himself. Perhaps he was trying to make Edwin laugh. Perhaps he was trying something over the top. Still, he fails. Ultimately, he goes the broken record route and asks him the same question a couple of times.

This moment probably really hurt- there's actually no reason for Edwin to be ignoring him, in Charles' mind anyway. They're alone together. Usually they'd be talking or bantering or at least Charles would be able to get Edwin's attention. It's just that he can't, because now Edwin is stuck on that fucking book from that fucking bloke who blew him off earlier.

This was probably a little activating for Charles. Even if he didn't completely put together why it upset him, Edwin putting someone who just treated him poorly right in front of his face first is a dim reflection of what he went through in his home. Now, I am not saying Monty is anywhere near that level of bad- he's a literal cream puff. He could not kill them when his life depended on it.

What I am saying, though, that Charles perceives a subtle threat here. He's also not sure what to do with it, because he never overcame that hurtle in life. No one else ever put him first, and he never figured out how to fix that. Edwin kind of just centered Charles automatically when they met. Now he's not doing that anymore and it’s jarring and uncomfortable for him. He’s feeling this loss of stability, on top of the fact that Edwin still won’t tell him what’s going on with the CK.

"...try not to forget that we're trying to leave" is what Charles comes up with after that exchange. Edwin makes an attempt to console him finally and offers to talk, but Charles shuts it down and tells him it's that he wants to leave town. They start on a case after that.

(Note that I did this a little out of order for organization’s sake— some of their CK arguing happened during the case they went on next).

Charles does finally catch a break here. In spite of all of this, he’s missing something very important: Edwin has feelings for him. That’s probably the most pressing issue that’s gone unspoken between them.

So Edwin dresses nicely, catches Charles attention, and finally tries to initiate a conversation. Charles seems relieved.

He does assume Edwin is just trying to come out by telling him about his time with Monty, before the teethface incident. Charles isn’t bothered, since Monty isn’t really in the picture anymore as far as he’s concerned. Things are fine, it’s just the two of them again and Edwin likes boys. Wait…

... Fuck. Forgot about the Cat King.

He resorts to threatening the CK. I know lots of people have lots of different theories on this, but consider this perspective also: Monty is no longer a threat. He’s abstract. He’s a memory. The Cat King is still very real and is a thing that can come between them, has done so, and has successfully taken Edwin from him. And as accepting as Charles was trying to be in that moment, he just can't handle that (from the perspective of this meta).

Anyway, this is all interrupted by their foray into hell. Charles does rescue Edwin, Edwin confesses, and honestly I feel like that just needs to be a different thing entirely but I did type a little bit about how I think Charles interpreted all of that here.

They return. Charles is processing Edwin's confession on the roof. This whole scene mystifies me a little because yes, he didn't seem to know exactly what to say to Edwin's confession in hell (I think he did not want to ruin it by saying the wrong thing). The more rewatches I go through the more... satisfied he looks to me? He might be processing, but also he might be a little giddy that Edwin has feelings for him specifically. I'm still trying to figure out how to read this one because the lines seemed rushed but the microexpressions say so much.

Then he starts blatantly flirting with Edwin. Honestly Charles, what the fuck?(afffectionate) Truly I’m still trying to work out if he’s just testing out how Edwin reacts or if he is working through his own feelings here, but I really want more of this in S2.

That’s about all the thoughts I think I can organize on this for now without it getting obscenely long (it already is pretty long for a half baked idea that turned into a meta). Thank you for reading 🖤

[mewkwota]

"...Wake up... Wake up...!!!" That voice... it isn't mine...

This is very-very conceptual art, like the one before it, but with more interaction and I wouldn't even think of it as something that actually happened-- unless you want it to. Nothing else can be done about it.

[dustofthedailylife]

The Art Of Desire

→ Masterlist || → Taglist

Pairing: Alhaitham x (gn!) Reader

Summary: You are in need of a model for your anatomy class assignment. However, the last thing you expected was that your crush would volunteer to help you and that he would end up standing in front of you without a shirt.

Tags: Fluff, Suggestive (but still completely SFW)!, shy reader, partial nud*ty I guess? (Alhaitham is shirtless at some point), flirting, kissing

A/N: *throws fic into the room and leaves*

Being an artist while also being a scholar in Sumeru had always been somewhat difficult for you. The arts had never been something most people in Sumeru City appreciated or even actively looked down upon. It was a city of scholars after all, and the arts were too abstract to properly grasp for most of them.

Things had begun to become better after the old Grand Sage had been replaced and the new Archon had been freed but a lot of scholars still didn’t show much interest in the arts.

But due to that an assignment for one of your classes proved difficult. Anatomy.

You had no idea how learning human anatomy would help you as an architect later, but you did what you had to do. And it would surely help you with your personal art projects later on as well.

The only thing you had to find now was someone who could pose for you. Surely Kaveh would be able to help you right? He was your best friend and was once in the same situation.

You sought him out where he hung around the most - the Tavern.

As you walked through the Tavern door, warm air that smelled like wine and spices wafted your way and filled all your senses. You loved how homely it always felt here.

You scanned the tables to find Kaveh. Unfortunately for you though, he wasn’t alone. As you feared, Alhaitham was with him. You already considered turning around to leave again but Kaveh had already spotted you and was enthusiastically waving for you to come over to their table. 

And that was precisely the reason you rarely ever came here nowadays. Kaveh often met up with Alhaitham here for lunch. And your crush on the latter had slowly but surely turned you into a nonsense-blabbering mess during conversations with him. At this point, he probably thought you were stupid.

You hesitantly tiptoed over to their table and greeted them while your heart pounded heavily inside your chest. You sat down on the bench next to Kaveh who was already a bit tipsy. It wasn’t much of a surprise, since he was such a lightweight and practically got drunk as soon as he looked at wine the wrong way.

“Kaveh, I need your help!” You pleaded, trying to avoid eye contact with Alhaitham as much as possible once again.

“And that would be, my dear friend?” Kaveh replied in a singsong voice.

“Alright so… I need someone to pose for me. I need to draw a couple of detailed torso drawings for the anatomy course I’ve been taking, and since you also took that once I thought you could help me. I mean, you could also give me some tips. Right?” 

“Oh.” His smile faltered for a brief moment and his facial expression told you everything you needed to know. There was apparently a reason he couldn’t help but he didn’t outright want to turn you down. You knew how he is, he simply couldn’t say no and would inconvenience himself any time for his friends. And you definitely didn’t want him to do that for you. You’d be able to find someone else somehow.

“It’s okay if you can’t do it. Just say no.” You reassured him.

“I have an appointment in the desert with a client, but I’m sure I could make some ti–”

“I’ll help you.” Alhaitham cut Kaveh off.

Both of you snapped your heads in his direction in disbelief.

“Are you sick?! Why would you volunteer to help anyone but yourself?” Kaveh gasped and looked at the Scribe as if he’d lost his mind.

“It’s not much work, is it? They could just come to my office and draw me while I just sit there doing my work. Isn’t that correct?” Alhaitham inquired, boring his turquoise eyes into you. You simply nodded in reply and could feel your breath hitch in your throat. You were sure that if you would be standing right now your knees would’ve probably given in by now since they felt like jello. On top of that, your nervousness skyrocketed so badly that you were able to feel your heartbeat in your throat. 

The thought of being alone with Alhaitham for a prolonged period of time while ogling him as closely as you never dared before, made your heart flutter. You probably wouldn’t be able to concentrate on drawing properly but if he was already offering it, you couldn’t possibly refuse. Especially since he usually didn’t do anyone any favors to begin with.

“Besides,” Alhaitham continued. “It gives me an excuse to decline every other meeting for the rest of the day.”

“Tch, typical. Of course, there’d be an egoistic reason for your volunteering.” Kaveh scoffed.

“I don’t see any issue with that. I help them with their assignment while also helping myself. It’s a beneficial endeavor for both of us.” Alhaitham reasoned, twirling his own wine cup between his fingers before turning to you again. "Wouldn't you agree, too?"

You slowly nodded before quickly averting your eyes again since you couldn't bear to look at Alhaitham for longer than a few seconds without getting flustered. You had no idea how you were supposed to look at him for a prolonged period of time to draw him if you were already reduced to a flustered mess by talking to him. The thought alone made your heart almost jump out of your chest.

Kaveh shook his head in annoyance and turned to you once more. “Just say the word and I’ll take a day off to help you. Rest assured, it would be no problem for me.”

“No, Kaveh. I couldn’t possibly ask you to neglect your own responsibilities for my projects. Just keep your focus on yourself. If Alhaitham is so kind to offer his help I’ll take him up on that.” You reassured him while trying to hide how nervous you actually were about the situation.

“Well, shall we get going then? My lunch break is almost over.” Alhaitham interrupts, immediately getting up from the table.

You somewhat hesitantly got up as well since you didn’t expect he meant you could draw him right now. You had no time to mentally prepare for it so this would be interesting.

“Oh, so now you suddenly care about getting back to work on time after your lunch break,” was the last thing you heard Kaveh yell before the door of the Tavern fell shut behind both of you.

As you quietly tailed behind Alhaitham back to his office the realization that you’d actually be drawing him now suddenly began to dawn on you.

Oh, just what did you agree to here? And how in the world should you avoid making this awkward now?

Once you arrived at his officeAlhaitham unlocked the door and motioned you inside.

“You can sit down at the table over there. Do you need anything?”

“No. I should be fine.” You replied with a shy smile.

You were in fact everything but that.

While you were trying not to have a meltdown as you unpacked your stuff, Alhaitham was brewing some coffee and handed you a cup as well.

“Do you need me to do anything?” He asked.

“Hm?”

“In terms of posing.”

“Oh. Uh– no actually not. Just sit on your chair and read or whatever?”

“Nothing easier than that.” He replied with a faint smile, grabbing a book from the bookshelf beside you and walking back to his desk.

You busied yourself by scanning the books on the shelves that littered his office while sipping on your coffee before you turned around again and had to stop yourself from immediately spitting your coffee out again. Although as soon as you did you wished you had never done so.

Alhaitham had unclasped his cape and had loosely thrown it over his desk and was just about to pull his shirt over his head. You were trying to process what was happening before your eyes but your mind was racing so fast that you failed to fully grasp the scene before you.

“W-what are you doing?!” You stammered.

“Didn’t you say this was for your anatomy assignment?” He inquired, seeming entirely unbothered before ultimately removing his shirt completely.

Well, yeah you did. And for that bare skin was sort of a requirement. You knew that full well, too. It just sort of slipped your mind that taking Alhaitham up on his offer would actually entail seeing him without a shirt as well.

“Y-yes.” You replied, moving your eyes over his now exposed abdominal muscles. His usual shirt already left little to the imagination, but actually seeing his trained body without the thin piece of fabric covering it was a sight for sore eyes.

He claimed to only be a feeble scholar but that notion couldn’t be any further from the truth.

“Then there you have the answer to your question.” He stated matter-of-factly before sitting down and opening his book to read. His face still looked as unbothered as it did before and he immediately lost himself in his book.

In the meantime, you tried your hardest to get yourself together again. Not only did you need to keep your eyes from wandering but also your mind. 

You traced every well-toned muscle of his upper body. How light and shadow formed their contours and how his pectorals moved whenever he flipped another page. You took note of every detail and etched it into your memory while suppressing the urge to brush over his defined muscles.

You sat down at the table and held onto your pen for dear life as you continued to analyze every little detail of his body. The embedded gem between his collarbones and hot it beautifully shimmered in the light of his office. The sharp V-Line that started right above his hips. The symmetric curve of his collarbones leading up to his shoulders. And his turquoise eyes that were boring into yours once again.

"Is anything the matter?" He inquired, lifting an eyebrow.

"N-no. I'm just trying to find a starting point." You stammered your poor attempt at an excuse.

After all 'Sorry, I was too distracted by staring at your body' wasn't something you could just say either.

“T-tell me if you’re getting too cold and we can take a break.”

“It’s 40 degrees outside, I’ll be fine.” He chuckled seemingly amused about your concern.

“Ri-right. Yeah. Okay.” You awkwardly bit your lip. For Archon's sake, why couldn’t you just behave normally around him?

After overcoming the first awkwardness you eventually started sketching. But the more the shapes on your paper resembled the beautiful man in front of you, the more flustered you became again and the more aware you became of the fact of how closely you were actually looking at him. Your attention to detail for this sketch was even more on point than it had ever been before. Upon realizing that it was because you were enjoying what you were seeing your cheeks started to burn in embarrassment.

You spent about an hour immersed in sketching, carefully studying every contour of his upper body. It felt so intimate that you couldn't help but wonder if anyone had ever looked at him this way before. And even though you kept telling yourself that this was just a regular art study session to avoid getting flustered further, the endeavor proved completely unsuccessful. 

Eventually, you finished your piece and dropped your pen on the table. You lifted your sketchbook up to evaluate the page and the final result.

The once-blank page was now filled with an intricate pencil sketch of the handsome man with a dreamlike physique. You had to admit, he truly was the perfect subject for anatomy studies. And while you wouldn’t mind seeing him shirtless more often you doubt your heart could handle it another time. Because despite sitting the entire time you felt like you had just run a marathon.

“Your talent is quite impressive.” Alhaitham’s voice rang right next to your ear and made you flinch. You didn’t notice how he had approached you. And what made things worse is that he was still shirtless while standing next to you so closely you could feel the heat that emanated from his skin and smell his after-shave.

You gulped and got up from your chair avoiding looking into his eyes as much as possible because you feared that if you did your heart would burst out of your chest. 

“Thank you. That means a lot. I-I mean… it was quite easy to see the muscle definition on you.”

Facepalm. Why did you say that? You internally cringed at your choice of words and continued to avoid looking at him while you hastily started packing your bag again.

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” He remarked with a smirk and lifted your chin up with your sketchbook, forcing you to look into his eyes.

You opened your mouth in order to say something but everything you could’ve said died in your throat. So instead, you simply continue to stare at him while your heart felt like it was about to combust and you wanted nothing more than to sink into the ground in shame.

He huffed in amusement at your evident flustered state and closed the gap between your bodies, placing his arm next to your head on the wall, towering over you.

“Do you have any idea how obvious you are?” He asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I see the way you look at me, or rather how you always avoid doing so now. And Kaveh happened to slip up and revealed your secret when he got drunk. And that’s why I can tell you that I feel the exact same way about you. And I’ve longed for a moment to tell you. You didn’t make it easy since you kept avoiding me lately.”

You didn’t know whether what was happening was wishful imagination or a fever dream because it felt surreal. 

He put your sketchbook back on the table and lifted your chin with his free hand now. He took hold of one of your hands and placed it on his abs.

“This is what you wanted to do the entire time, am I right?” He whispered while the bud of his thumb brushed past your lower lip. You slowly nodded as your traced along his toned stomach with a featherlight touch, feeling how the muscles moved below your fingertips.

“May I kiss you?” He whispered in a low tone when you looked up into his eyes.

He had barely even finished asking when you leaned into him more and took the initiative to place your lips on his for a shy kiss. But it was so fleeting it had you longing for more and it seems that the feeling was mutual.

He quickly snaked his arms around your waist and pressed you against him with fervor while he hungrily crashed his lips into yours once more. You slung your arms around his neck and entangled your fingers in his soft gray locks while pushing his face even closer to yours than it already was.

You could feel him smiling into the kiss, as you did so. His lips continued to gently caress yours like a tender whisper of affection shared only between you two. It made you feel lightheaded while also leaving you longing for more. It was an intoxicating feeling like no other. One you certainly could get addicted to - and maybe you already were. 

At some point, you had no idea for how long you had been standing there kissing but it felt like an eternity yet not long enough at the same time.

You were sure of one thing though – You needed more of it.

Do not repost, copy, translate or edit - © dustofthedailylife || reblogs, comments, and asks about Genshin or my fics are always greatly appreciated and motivate me! Maple dividers are mine - do not copy.

[runabout-river]

It has happened now, a JJK artist on Twitter is in critical condition after being shelled by the Israeli Army in Gaza while sheltering inside a school. Reportedly, she lost an eye.

The screenshot is from a friend who barely manages to keep in contact with Noury with a family member's phone. This of course is Israel's tactic to cut communication from Gaza. The world isn't supposed to see the genocide and at least the amount of reports and eye witness accounts have dropped since because most people simply can't communicate their suffering to the world anymore.

This is the picture Noury drew before Israel decided to finally cleanse the Gaza Strip like it always wanted thanks to an exaggerated death count of a provoked military response, undisclosed shelling by the IOF of their own citizens and lies of 40 beheaded babies.

The caption of this piece of art reads "Please don't take my sunshine away," a response to chapter 236 and Gojo Satoru's apparent death.

Think back to that time. A favorite character of yours dies in a manga and you either draw or look at drawings of him to deal with that. Then a war starts that had been brewing for 75 years because Jewish Extremists and Supremacist with the backing from the war hungry US want you dead.

You know what I thought this entire time? That it's statistically unlikely that the one JJK artist from Gaza that I follow will be a victim in this war. There are 2.2 million people in Gaza but there's only one Noury, so what's the chance that something is going to happen to her?

What an absurd thought that turned out to be. I've been writing and raging on Tumblr about the genocide again and again and I know the severity of it, I know the numbers. I've seen the pictures and videos of dead children with their faces, not their heads, turned over like the pages of a book.

But most of that, the sheer enormity and the scale of it, was still abstract in my mind. Now, outside of the dry and clinical fact of it, the human element made me realize in my heart and mind that this is a genocide.

1 person among 2.2 million getting harmed isn't a statistical probability of 0.00001 percent. It's 100% because everyone is the target. Every Palestinian in Gaza is targeted with deprivation, hunger, thirst, illnesses and bombs. That is ethnic cleansing. That is the threat of genocide.

And the US, the UK and the EU, they're all complicit in this genocide and because I'm from Germany I'm also explicitly saying that Olaf Scholz, Marco Buschmann and Nancy Faeser are also complicit in this new holocaust.

Hopefully Noury will recover and hopefully she and her family and everyone else in Gaza will be able to go back to their homes. Homes btw, that per international law, Israel is supposed to replace or compensate for after destroying them.

Of course you don't need to compensate for anything if no one is there anymore, either because they're dead or they moved to another country involuntaryily.

[disruptivevoib]

mx voib how on earth do you go about designing your hmsw variants, i'm so jealous

Oh I feel fancy now!

Anyhow, I don't have any distinct go-to process but generally having a good idea for the au or the concept I want to design them based on and stemming from there.

Many of my more baseline Aus are close to my canonical designs. With the re-designs of Eleutheromania having a half/half Heart to match the Mind design and make him more distinct.

Then there are the more abstract things like the "Death Thirds" Which is an au I've not really spoken on, and I don't recall if I've posted them here. Though I know I have on Twitter. (I recall CJ liking the Soul design)

Those are meant to be more ethereal, uncanny and inhuman designs. They are VERY self indulgent and more an experiment than anything. Though I knew I wanted to use the Mind design off the album cover for CCCC as baseline inspo for Mind. Soul happened kind of accidentally tbh. I was doodling and he came about.

Theres a set I'm drawing right now which have been far more in-depth. But thats because they stem from an existing media. But that's all I'll say on that one!

As for the smaller guys... I wanted to draw an HMS which was closer to 'canon' in some ways or just different from my typical used for the Song Pieces! They actually well exemplify some thematics in terms of square mind, circle heart, triangle (with rounded edges) soul. Which is a motif I've had since even my VERRRRY very very first concept ideas for my HMS designs!! Shape language is very important to me, and its something I highly suggest learning about or messing with.

I also like to take their canonical clothing; Mind's leather jacket or black vest, Heart's hoodie, Soul's jacket and apply or manipulate it to fit a design. The stripes in my Soul jacket I believe aren't how the real jacket CJ owns is but more so ripped from Kai @/calamarispiderart ?

But yeah! Overall. Themes, motifs, things like that are key in my designs.

Pluto is also a good show of that. I wanted to make sure he looked as faded and washed out as he felt. So his hair is white and his colors, even his Heart and Mind's colors are desaturated and a little off. Lacuna Mind leans into navy and teal while Lacuna Heart is nearly pink!

The Swap designs are also a good example. Viscera is a Whole with nothing in him, and while now I see Soul as more exemplifying that- Whole needs to exist in this au more physically. So— Viscera takes that place. He's a husk and a shell. The half mask with an empty void on the otherside showcases just as much. And for as uncanny and blank as he seems, he is soft. His face is always very soft and maybe a little bit sad. Ennui, Swap!Mind maintains the half/half motif of my Mind designs if only to keep him recognizable. But, his source is a jagged and sharp edged heart and the strings run in a simplistic but sharp form of a heartbeat. Electricity forced to be another way. His features are also softer still from the typical Mind design! Even in what he wears! Judge I have fewer notes on other than his blindfold is not present and in its place is his brain source, obscuring both his eyes if he technically has them at all. Astray, Soul, is faceless. For what is Soul supposed to even be without the mask? Especially when he doesn't know much of anything at all.

Sooo yeah! Just. A big ramble that boils down to the answer of... I try most often to make sure the designs convey the personality or story of the character in some way. Themes and motifs or ideas from or for the au also play that same part.

Course I cannot tell you why the au where they are in eternal snow, Mind has white hair. That is far more a "felt like it" moment than anything else.

Sorry if this is too broad or non specific. I can probably go more into depth on particular designs but yeah! And sometimes a design is one and done. Other times they need many thumbnails or concepts to cycle through. My own designs for the canon HMS have changed a lot in little ways since I began drawing em!

[that-dreaming-dragon]

Camouflaging Semi-Plurality, The Shapeshifter Shenanigans

(Cross-posted from my dreamwidth, link in title)

There has been something going on with muis for a while now.

Wei think it's something that's been slowly growing.

And the timing of it happening was muddled a bit with shapeshifter shenanigan that also was further getting mixed up by a certain subconscious need to anchor the form.

See, for a short while now, the profile picture of muis being in the Core Form doesn't feel right, it verges on dysphoria. And with a need to draw myself as Fae Dragon form, somehow wei found muirselves anchored into the Fae Dragon. It probably is the longest time wei got anchored into a form. Usually it takes a day or two at the most for us to feel a sort of itching that bordered on dysmorphia. This time, we are anchored into the Fae Dragon form for nearly two weeks. Wei are rather baffled by this whole situation. The Core Form is my base form, Akumu's only form, there has never been a problem of outright discomfort with my Core Form.

Now, after the anchor is being lifted, wei suddenly find ourselves adrift, lost. Wei've tried on many form proxy, but nothing feels Right. Wei just could not figure it out. Yet wei still don't quite want to be in the Core Form.

At some point in the day, wei just randomly decides to finally uses the semi-plural pronouns. It was enlightening in a way, empowering. It felt right.

Then wei realize, oh, so that's what's going on. Wei probably reached a point where this, whatever this can be called, quoisinglet, maybe-median, semi-plurality, is just a thing. Maybe I've been slowly giving the others more sense of self by being reacquainted with them. But at this point, who even knows. Now wei short of just exist together. Wei still are largely okay with just being seen as Ryuu, because that's who wei are, collectively, individually. Wei are a mess that makes sense to muis, and wei all are dream dragon.

Akumu's name is from Akumu Ryuu, the nightmare dragon, and I am Yume Ryuu, dream dragon, but Yume is rather feminine while Ryuu is masculine. Wei'd argued somewhat for a time that Akumu can call himself Ryuu too, because it's his name as well. Meanwhile, I wasn't comfortable being referred to as Yume, even if I think I should be, it's just Akumu! I should be fine with him using it! But I wasn't.

Beast was The Beast. Because that is what it is, a sort of manifestation of my inner rage, spite, anger, maybe my ferality. Considering it is nonverbal, and very much on the more feral side from the mental expression it tosses at us. While I use the most words, Akumu would communicate linguistically as well, Beast just makes noises and broadcast abstract feelings to us.

Note that we all use different pronouns. Which is something that stands out to muis. It's nothing unique, but it's still intriguing to muis.

Beast also have more of a urge to express things more individually, say, wanting to have its own blog. I have only clearly remember one instance where I wasn't at the front, because wei are uncertain if such switch happened when wei are younger, but the one time wei can remember, it was Akumu who was guiding the body. I was still kind of aware that I was not in control. It was too short a moment, but wei had captured it. It's rather curious, looking back at it now, and sort of ironic. Because Akumu is more individualistic, he is the actual opposite of me, my mirror self, my shadow, but spends more time being a part of me. It probably likened a co-fronting experience, or wei just merge back together and then later separate into individuals again. For Beast, who actually is born from a part of me, acts far more distinct the way Akumu isn't. Akumu disappears a lot, I couldn't tell if wei are merged back together, or if he just went elsewhere. I'm somehow certain both scenarios are true. The Beast spends pretty much all the time in its own nested cave within the mindscape. Wei feel kind of like the Jinchuuriki in Naruto, that I'm "hosting" Beast. In this case, no one is sealed into anybody, nobody is being sacrificed, and wei are all nonhuman.

That's a doozy, or punny? Because I am Naruto hearted, and that is a big possibility why Beast formed like this. I am also the host of the body.

Either way, it's interesting how we got to this point. It's likely due to this that the shapeshifter feeling went a little haywire. Because I as Ryuu is fluid in my forms, but Akumu and Beast are not. They each came to existence already settled with one of my forms. Beast shares my Large Formme, quadrupedal, large, the typical western view of dragon. Akumu being my opposite, shares my Core Form but sort of mirrored in color scheme. Maybe because I am experiencing change constantly, the others stayed fixed to balance me. All of these reacting with the recent awareness of this semi-plurality may have, dare wei say, upset the balance.

Wei are a large believer of Balance, wei are also confident that this will sort itself out in no time, reaching the state of equilibrium within.

[19thperson]

19th's Next Fest Impressions - Day 7

Day 0/Day 1/ Day 2/Day 3/Day 4/Day 5/Day 6

Last day, and only day where I had zero other obligations. Lets go out with a bang.

Keylocker

In a grim cyberpunk future where music is banned, you're music. Therefore, you're banned

I wanted to like this game, but aside from the writing not landing with me, there was a key mechanical problem constantly getting in the way.

The game has a timed hits and timed defense system that's punishingly strict, and enemy damage is tuned under the assumption that you'll be getting at least partial dodges consistently. Which I wasn't. It was worse on the first try when I unknowingly chose a class that could only damage on counter.

This isn't usually a problem for me... until I realized a 2nd problem. One that's probably just restricted to the prologue since it's about escaping the anti-music jail

There's no music. Nothing to mentally time beats and inputs to.

I got frustrated and ended it early.

Tenebris Somnia

Horror game whose main claim of interest is that it's mixing retro pixel art with high definition live action footage. In demo this was presented by solving a series of puzzles, then it cut to live action to show the monster that appeared, then you run away from the monster. There is something interesting going on beneath this. It seems to be setting up a story specifically about film. You are playing as a girl who is checking up on her shitty ex, because she's had nonstop nightmares of him being killed by The Creatures and she needs to reality check herself.

Both you and the ex are severe film buffs, both worked together on a short film. When you arrive to his apartment, it is beaten to shit, broken film trophies, his film reels in the oven burning, the poster for his short film "Devourer" shattered. While it's not stated, I'm guessing that the monster that attacks us is from said film.

Shitty ex seems to have turned to the occult both due to dissatisfaction with how his film career is going and out of being torn up about you leaving.

There's roads for this to go some really interesting places. There's also roads for this to go pretentious places. But I still wanna see.

Simulacro

Greek art student goes out to a mysterious island recently uncovered by a massive lake's water level going down due to climate change. She's here to paint the nature. While there she discovers artifacts talking about "The true nature of reality," and at one point is overtaken by inspiration to draw the ruins she imagines would have been there in its heyday. The ruins then appear in real life.

There's a core problem with this game that feels really unfair to say considering it's a small Brazilian team's first game. It's a painting/photography game, and the main character is constantly talking about how beautiful her surroundings are. But they're writing a check that their rendering ability and art direction can't cash. I would accept the island looks kinda off if the game wasn't constantly trying to convince me otherwise. The two types of puzzles the game has in the demo are painting puzzles, find an angle where you get certain targets all in one frame, and artifact puzzles, arrange these broken pieces so that they're one again. The former is more interesting than the latter, but the system to recognize if something is "in the shot" is kinda finicky. The trailer shows more types so hopefully there's more variation in the final release. Most interesting thing about this game thematically is that it takes place in the 2080, and climate change has gotten bad bad bad. The game is selling itself as being a philosophical exploration, and ideally it seems like it's trying the difficult maneuver of "What's the point to these abstract questions when everything is dying?"

Boyscout - Patrick's Town

Your name is Patricio and not Patrick and you are a kid who likes helping people in your town. In the demo your day is spent getting ingredients and then delivering an apple pie to your grandma for her birthday. Then in the middle of the night a UFO crashes near the town. The pixel art ranges from competent to fantastic depending on the mode (although I do not like the artist's propensity for Usopp lips.) Music is really good. Aside from the combination of aliens and idyllic towns, this is where the homier mother influence feels really noticeable. Although that specific style is not really reflected in the trailer... Writing is… they need a 2nd pass on the translation. Sentences missing a lot of punctuation, an apple pie also being referred to as an apple cake interchangeably, awkward wording throughout. It's thankfully a text lite game, not as detrimental as a visual novel or RPG with the same problems, but still a very visible roadblock.

SoulQuest

2D DMC. 2DMC.

I will say this: they've gotten the combo game down. Chaining shit together feels good. If that was the only metric this was being judged by, the game would be exceeding all expectations.

but there are a few problems:

1) It is not just combat. There is platforming. Platforming where the hitbox of the platform seem slightly thinner than the sprite. And there's no coyote time. The game also likes to place spikes underneath you in these sections.

Did I mention checkpointing is frugal?

I'm not mad.

2) Unless I'm crazy/misreading things, your dodge roll doesn't have I-frames on startup, just during the middle of the roll. IT feels like I'm getting hit by things I shouldn't be hit by.

I'm not mad.

3) Say you got overconfident and chose hard mode, and want to change the difficulty:

turns out each difficulty is on a separate progression track so if you got to stage 3 and then decided "I've trapped myself in a bad situation" well guess what you gotta redo stages 1 and 2 again on normal to try stage 3 on normal.

I'm not mad.

Sky Oceans: Wings for Hire

I've heard people describe this as a successor to Skies of Arcadia. I've never played that so I can't really comment on how accurate that is Plot and tone wise its a typical JRPG. You start at an Idyllic home town that might as well be a stack of firewood prepped and ready to burn. You and your friends complete your coming of age ceremony to become Pilots. Oh no here comes The Empire Alliance burning everything to the ground because your dead dad and live mom know about the void century lost history. Try to escape but mom sacrifices self to save you. There doesn't seem to be any on foot combat, all air. While there's an interesting "advantage" system I was expecting more about positioning to be there, who is on whose tail. still, early JRPG battle systems are always kinda thin, so it'll probably get more complex later. Presentation wise, I kinda wish the models emoted a bit more instead of relying solely on the character portraits. The eyes and mouths are flat textures on the face so they could theoretically be swapped out contextually. Overall if you are JRPGpilled, this'll be to your taste, and if you aren't then this won't change your mind.

Boyhood's End

A very very very loose adaptation of Night on the Galactic Railroad, from the devs behind Needy Streamer Overdose.

In a scifi future where humanity is overseen by a massive AI program spanning the galaxy, ranking all humans and directing all activity, Giovanni Stylus is the lowest ranked, namely due to his father, who once attempted a hack said galaxy spanning AI system. He attempts to support his comatose mother by doing petty hacking jobs, such as hacking into security cameras to confirm infidelity. All while being bullied the shit out of.

When his health insurance is pulled, he takes a desperate job to infiltrate said AI system and shit goes wrong. But he is saved by Campanella, who may or may not have been the one who set the job in the first place. Now they are on the run.

Pixel art is very impressive, at least when it's on close up portraits. Also has a really nice fake PC interface for menus, alongside reading fake websites and chatlogs.

The hacking system was very simple "find password" that's basically just following story prompts, but I can see it having fun uses later.

It's now on my wishlist.

Heart of the Machine

Going from fighting the overlord AI to being the overlord AI. I am very bad at being the overlord AI.

I half remembered the trailer and thought this was going to be mostly branching story events and stat balancing. When I got to managing and customizing units I knew I was in unfamiliar territory.

There is something interesting in this basically being a stealth 4x, with a major factor being "how aware is the world of your machinations" and individual units having different security clearances and the like. But I couldn't figure out how to effectively utilize any of that before I felt like my time was spent going other demos. I've heard good things so I assume that 4x heads will like this.

The Operator

You play as an Operator in the not-FBI, who gives assistance to on-site agents from your computer. It's another fake-computer-terminal database mystery game, involving going through files and finding relevant information. Also aliens may or may not be involved.

Two major things of note so far:

1) Every one of these games handles their database a different way, trying to do some means of keeping the sprawl of info digestable. This one does so by just having a handful of files related to the case immediately sent to you, with the only outside help being a persons database and a car database to cross-check details, at least so far. Torn on this. On one hand it keeps things incredibly intuitive, on the other hand "pruning through fluff" feels like it should be part of the challenge.

2) Game is very intuitive on how to put in "answers" though. You're given a question and then once you figure something out you turn on answer mode and click the relevant text or image on the screen. No messing with a prompter or choosing a whole file or whatever.

Dungeons of Hinterberg

Modern fantasy setting where monster slaying and dungeoneering has become touristy sport, like mountaineering or skiing. You play as someone who is aiming to clear all 25 of the tourist town Hinterberg's dungeons.

Gameplay is split between previously mentioned dungeoneering, exploring areas and fighting monsters, and persona-ish town stuff, buying gear and making social links.

They are genuinely skilled at beautiful dungeon design. The one in the demo was a tribute to mario galaxy with a lot of circular land masses you run around. The actual hitting things… needs more impact. It does have bayonetta timeslow on perfect dodge though.

Only got one day of town stuff so I can't really pass too much judgement there.

I am worried about "how do you squeeze pathos out of this concept if all risk has been essentially gentrified in-setting" but there is a stinger at the end of "something is rotten in hinterberg"

Has promise but not top of the list.

[signalhill-if]

Hey folks! It's just about time to start thinking about art.

I've tried to sit down several times and work out a style for Signal Hill, and it's just never looked right. Eventually I concluded that if I wanted art that looked right, I'd need to hire somebody else to do it for me.

So I'll be commissioning paintings of the characters from a very talented artist, @/wuntrum (not tagging because I am shy <3), whose are you can peruse here. Not only are they talented, they also have a comic called Signals, so it's like the universe is trying to tell me something haha. This is going to be over a pretty big time span because obviously it's quite expensive and it takes time to make art, but expect to be seeing the first piece in the next few months.

However, I still have some time to decide who is going to be the first up! I don't want to decide entirely on my own, so I'm going to make it a poll.

I'm also narrowing the options down to just characters we've met in the actual game so far. All of their portraits will be based on their in-game introductions. I'm going to give you a description of what I'm thinking for each one, the pros and cons, and I'll let y'all have the final say (or maybe like... the second-to-last say. If it's close enough I might pick). Without further ado...

Doc

I'm hoping to eventually have two versions of Doc, one with and one without the plague doctor outfit. The one you'd be getting first, though, would be with. It would be a full body painting of him standing against an abstract desert landscape, something that could function as both standalone art and have the title placed on the right. This one is probably also going to be the most expensive? Unsure, I won't know until I run the concept by the artist. Also it might be a little sad if the first piece I get is one where the character's face isn't even visible lmao.

Yasmin

This is the image that's been caught in my head for MONTHS, actually since super early in the game's development, haha. Yasmin reclining in a couch covered in pillows and draped with translucent fabric, possibly holding her pipe or possibly with arm outstretched to the viewer. Gah. I want to see it soooooo bad. But also maybe it would be good to leave this off until later, so we've got the vibe down a little better before getting started on this one?

Yvette

Yvette's intro is similarly iconic, seen from a low angle in a fancy robe perched on the fancy staircase. I've got a very good idea of what this one would look like since I've tried to draw it several times before, so that would be good re: references. It'll also be less expensive than the others, since I don't want this one to be a full body shot. So that's a big plus.

KC

The big downside with KC is that I'm not 100% sure which concept to go with- I could do her at the beginning of Lamplighters, in her windbreaker, with her feet kicked up on the table, smoking. Or I could do something inspired by Test Run. For that reason, it's probably best to leave her until Test Run comes out, but I'll throw her in in case y'all really want to see her intro scene lol.

Levi

Levi is similar in that I'm not 100% sure about the concept. It would certainly be him with the knife in Tracking Number, half body, but I'm not sure what angle or mood to go with, so I'd probably be leaving it somewhat up to the artist to decide. Might be better to leave him until later, but again, I'll include him in case y'all really want to see him.

[sunberry-strawflower]

#curtissonweek2023

Yayyy!!! Day 3 is upon us and I'm not too late!

This fic was like the last two where I completely changed where I wanted to go with it, but it wasn't a struggle to write actually! I actually felt mostly relaxed and nice writing this one :) maybe bcz of the simple premise? I'm not sure haha

Anywayz the story is about artist!Burt and Sven is just...a normal guy LMAO

This was fun to write tho! Hope you enjoy!

(Event by @blue-fanlady)

Word count: 1.5k

Curtisson Week Day 3: Drawing

Burt was walking through the city with his sketchbook in hand, desperately trying to figure out what to draw. He was in a big drawing mood, but nothing out here seemed to catch his eye. There were different buildings, all different patterns and colors, but none of them seemed appealing enough for him to even make a rough draft of. He saw people walking along the sidewalk, whether they were talking with their friends or jogging while listening to music on their phone. While it was nice to see people enjoying themselves in their own way (even if it made him feel bitter about his own dull life), it didn't give him any inspiration at all. He came to the conclusion that he was definitely going through art block. 

He sighed as he looked down at the empty page. He was trying to think of something to get him inspired, maybe catch something in this busy city that's worth taking a page on his sketchbook, some kind of ounce of creativity, but alas, his mind still remained as blank as the page. 

Burt decided walking around the city wasn't doing him any good, so he walked into the building closest to him. Which happened to be a library. 

He was hit with the inside air and took a deep breath. He started to wander around and look at all the different books he was definitely not going to read. He thought maybe the covers of said books could give him a bit of inspiration. 

Some were soft and colorful, others were more dark and misty. Some had people or characters on it, and others were simply abstract colors and backgrounds. You can tell the genre of these by their name and cover more often than not. Stories about love, betrayal, friendship, drama, fantasy, history, and mystery were present. Maybe even more. Some of them seemed to mix two or more genres which was interesting. He picked up a few paperbacks, not to read, but to analyze the covers, hoping to find something that'll potentially give him some sort of spark. He sure hoped nobody came to the library for these specific books. 

He sat down at a table and put the hardcovers and his sketchbook on top of it. He slid his pencil from the spiral bound and tapped the wood on the table a few times. Most of the stories he picked out had gloomy-ish pictures. Maybe he could do something with those. 

Maybe something to do with night time? He could draw the night sky…but that was too simple. At least on its own. He needed to draw something with it. Something that stood out. 

While pondering on what to draw with this idea, he felt his eyes drift to another table not too far from his own. Another guy, presumably around his age, was reading a book. He had short blond hair and a small blue hat on. He changed expressions ever so slightly, probably reacting to the story. From what Burt could see from his small reactions, it was a bittersweet kind of telling. 

This guy seemed to be an expressive type of person. That's very helpful, especially because Burt needs to practice drawing expressions. Not only that, but this blond seemed to be exactly what he was looking for in his drawing. He would stick out perfectly with the night time atmosphere Burt wanted to go for. 

Would he get away with drawing him right now? It was worth a shot. 

Before he lost the motivation, he quickly picked up his pencil and started his piece, occasionally stealing glances from his unknowing model. 

He sketched the night sky, making sure not to let the black and gray entirely cover the page so he can fit the other stuff he had in mind as well. The library was quiet, aside from the sounds of his pencil scratching on the sketch paper and a page of a book flipping. Whether it was from the blond or somewhere else in the room. They weren't distracting, though. If anything, they were relaxing. 

Once he finished the night sky, he stole another glance from the other, still not having noticed Burt looking at him. He seemed too into the story he was reading to pay any attention. Well, worked for Burt. 

He began drawing the blond, a closeup of him sitting on a bench under the night sky, reading a book of a similar style. He didn't need to look at the other too much, as he had a decent idea of his appearance. He had a pretty good photographic memory, which saved him a lot of glimpses.

He finished up the sketch and mentally sighed to himself as he looked at it. Not his best work, but he felt he captured what he was aiming for well enough. He was considering coloring it, but he didn't want to risk possibly ruining the sketch. 

That guy served as a really good model for this piece, even if he had no idea. Though Burt should probably leave before somebody caught him being a bit creepy and drawing somebody without their consent or notice. 

He grabbed the books he took from the shelves and went to put them back, hoping nobody was searching for them earlier. Especially since he wasn't even reading them. 

After he finished putting the books back, he went to leave the library. However, he couldn't shake off the feeling that he was missing something…

Oh, right. His sketchbook. Where was it? Did he mistake it for a book and put it on a shelf? He sure hoped not. The things in there were not for the public eye. 

He went back to the shelves and didn't see his sketchbook anywhere.

'Did somebody take it already?' he thought to himself, and started to panic a little. He then considered the fact that he might've left it on the table from earlier, and quickly made his way over there. 

Once the table was in his sight, he stopped in his tracks. His sketchbook was there, thank God, but there was somebody else there as well. It looked to be the blond from earlier. He had the sketchbook in his hands and his face seemed to be a mixture of awe and confusion. Or maybe just one of the two. It was hard to properly see him from this distance. 

Burt walked over there, worried that running would make too much noise. Once he made his way over, he tapped the other on the shoulder, which caused him to jolt and look in his direction. "Oh, hey." He greeted quietly. "Did you draw this?" 

Burt shamefully nodded, gently took the sketchbook away from the other and closed it. "Sorry. For drawing you without permission, I mean. It just kind of happened." He whispered. Again, he didn't want to be too loud in the library, but that didn't stop him from mentally screaming at himself and being embarrassed out of his mind. 

"Oh, that was supposed to be me?" He asked. "I thought so, but I wasn't sure. It looks really good." He smiled. Burt couldn't help but blush a little. Not many people have complimented his artwork before.

"Thank you." He said. Burt appreciated the compliment but still felt awfully embarrassed and awkward so he turned to leave without another word. 

"Wait." The other called out quietly. In any other setting, his voice would go unheard, but in the silence of the library, Burt could hear him loud and clear. 

Burt looked back, albeit hesitantly. "Hm?"

"What's your name?" He asked. Burt didn't understand why the other wanted the name of somebody he would probably never see again, but he guessed it only made sense to know the name of the person who drew you. Along with the person you're drawing. 

"Burt." He replied. 

"I'm Sven," He grinned. "Sorry for looking in your sketchbook, by the way. If it makes you feel better, I didn't look at any other pages."

That did make Burt feel a little better, but he still felt a little flustered. He shook his head. "It's fine, don't worry."

"Okay…good." Sven said. They stood there in awkward silence for a bit. 

"Are you–" "I'm going–" Sven and Burt immediately stopped talking once they heard the other, which honestly made this more awkward than it already was. Sven chuckled before urging Burt to go first. 

"Oh, I was just saying I'm going to go now." Burt said, and if he were a fool, he'd say Sven almost looked disappointed, but he brushed it off.

Sven was quiet for a few seconds before seeming to process what Burt had said and nodded. "Okay. Bye." He waved goodbye and Burt waved back, leaving with his sketchbook and pencil in hand. 

Once he exited the library, he looked down at the sketch of the blond--well, Sven. Weirdly, he felt more proud of it now. Still wouldn't consider it his best work, but it was better than he originally perceived. 

He couldn't hold back a smile as he signed Sven's name in cursive writing, next to his sitting figure. He wrote his name and the date it was drawn at the corner of the page, officially making this drawing another crucial part of his sketchbook. 

_______________________________________________________

See y'all on day 4!

[astralartefact]

a nier reincarnation tierlist, but why make it easy if you can be annoying and write an analysis of every theme in the gacha game nobody cares about

notes

the following contains far too much analysis for my own good

for many of these you need to also at least know their dark stories to make sense of what i'm writing below the cut (but don't worry i haven't read them all either)

i just wanted a picture for my write up and was too lazy to draw 21 characters so don't take the tierlist too seriously

i call it reinkane for short bc that's its japanese hashtag (i know cane and kane are spelled the same in katakana but as a german i'm more comfortable with ks i guess)

also i know it's Gamer blasphemy to praise a gacha game but i think reincarnation is my favorite nier game im sorry okay i know that's a bad thing to admit but i need you to know i have bad taste

on reincarnation's theme

...and write an analysis of every theme in the gacha...

there is only 1 theme. probably more, but you'll see what i mean

it took me an embarrasing amount of time of going "well, but what is this game really about" (you know, since the other niers are about something too) to realize that it is indeed just about reincarnation - it's just thinking about it in a more abstract/straightforward way.

because the thing that tripped me up was that only about 2 and a half stories are actually about what I thought of as reincarnation (death -> next person) so it can't possibly be about that, right? but if we think about reincarnation as an abstract concept of "something is passed on to somebody else next in line" then basically every single one of these character stories is about that in some sort of way - and at the end of the day isn't having children some form of reincarnation? one of those things where i'm like did everyone else already notice this and its just so basic of an observation that nobody talks about it and i don't want to start the conversation in case it makes me look dumb

the core theme reinkane explores isn't just that though, it's more specifically the loss of agency through this "reincarnation" - it's about parents making decisions for their children, it's about people who don't get to decide for themselves because others already decided for them and in that the writers repeatedly pull from certain 'sub-themes' aside from familial ties:

royalty (basically a more overt version of loss of agency through birth/familial ties - children of reigning royals are born with certain responsibilities they never asked for simply by being children of their parents)

robots (beings created for a purpose by somebody who decides that purpose for them)

heavily enforced societal rules / decisions (rules you have to obey just by being born without any choice not to. it's more of a broader reincarnation in that entire generations make decisions that generations after suffer from instead of 1 person to 1 person)

war (similar to the above, war is basically about somebody forcing their decisions onto somebody else and especially the people who don't even have a say in it have to suffer for it)

and for the most part all of the stories (with a few exceptions) are to some degree about one or more of these. so let's get into some of my favorites:

sarafa

my love. it took a while for me to warm up to her, but once i put it all together i'm just... *chef's kiss* i hope they don't introduce new characters (aside from major ones like mama's true form or something) because she's the perfect book end character to end on.

not only is she a royal character like the very first character (rion), she's also one of the few characters to actually interpret this sort of reincarnation as a good thing!

it's very found family in that the "royal reincarnation" is still very very bad and even worse than rion's for example, but the reincarnation as part of this line of princesses sent to the slaughter also harbors a good thing, since only through their inter-generational sharing of knowledge that is built on all of the princesses that came before sarafa she can finally break the cycle, even if it ends up revealing something far worse.

saryu, hina & yuzuki

if you haven't noticed it yet, the current era of nier (starting after automata) is the "we're ruining our children" era. yorha:dark apocalypse, reinkane, all of voice of cards and even yoko taro's amazarashi (nier anime ed) music video is about it. like literally all of it.

anyways: all three of them (for saryu it's her ex story) are about how their parent's decisions influence their children's lives to a massive degree, in saryu's case it's the absence of her mother that shapes her entire life and with hina & yuzuki it's obvious i think.

hina & yuzuki get bonus points for being the most straightforward "this is how this theme looks in real life" about the theme even if them murdering their parents is obviously heightened for dramatic effect

also i have nothing to say about the hamelin lore except yuzuki turning into a red eye makes him canonically an incel and i won't explain why

priyet

another one where it took me a while to really get what is going on. at first i wasn't too keen on her story since i read her being a monster that wants to hide herself as one of those queer-werewolf allegories that I personally am just not really a fan of. but then i read her hidden stories (because yes. the first four hidden stories for every character are "lore" relevant. somebody is having an aneurysm as we speak foaming at the mouth over "kingdom hearts bullshit") and i like that a lot more even if it's probably more problematic?

basically since most people probably didn't read them bc unlocking them is a bother (if only there was a website for that) the guy who is friends with her and saryu (the one that priyet murders at the end of saryu's story) has a crush on priyet (literal love triangle!!!) and through misunderstandings and bad communication he keeps escalating their relationship until

His whisper played in my ears over and over and over and— "No! I hate this! I HATE it!" Every place he touched me was covered in filth. Every glance caused my hair to stand on end. "I'm gross! I'm dirty! I'm disgusting! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I'm going to be sick!" I took a pair of scissors and jammed them into my bed over and over. By the end of it, my room was a disaster and my throat raw from screaming, but I still felt no better. "Why...?" If things went bad between the two of us, what would happen to me and her? Oh, but I knew. She'd take his side— of course she would. And then we wouldn't be friends anymore.

her hidden story is a surprisingly nuanced look into what makes consent (or rather what doesnt) that i very much appreciate especially coming from japanese writers who are kind of universally handwaved as 'well it's a different culture, they're living behind the moon'

of course that boy is just a child and made a mistake, but society taught him - intentionally or not - to assume that her being nice (because they're friends) must mean she's fair game and her saying no is just her "not being confident" so he just keeps going and it results in her literally becoming a monster that needs to hide her sullied body beneath a table cloth.

and there's also something in there where this interacts so beautifully with her being gay. like it doesn't even occur to the boy that priyet might not even be into boys in general and now everything has gotten so much more complicated for her at a time in her life where everything is already complicated enough as it is, only because a guy decided he likes her and gave her no real choice about it - and all of that because society thought it was a good idea to demand eternal romance bonding at 14 because without that the boy wouldn't feel the pressure to establish a relationship in the first place (there it is, we took the long way back around to the theme of societal rule enforcement)

(side note: i fully understand if some people like this less than queer werewolves especially since it's a really sensitive topic. i personally think it's fine - since all of this game is about the fact that we learn/"reincarnate with" bad things from our predecessors i read priyet's story as that, a situation where all of these terrible values come together to utterly fuck her up - but if it's a no from you i think that's perfectly valid as well.)

also the absolute gall of reinkane to introduce a magic school and make one of the two protags meaningfully gay right when jk pops off

marie & yurie

these two are special because it's just one and zero all over again and i will take any dod3 reference i can get... their chapters are literally called "One Vow" and "Proof of Zero" - and yes that's also a binary code reference but yurie literally doesn't have a right eye how much more overt can it get... well maybe like this:

marie being the "heroic ruler" who wants to save everybody and do right by her people, who sings to spread her magic (of hope), but fails not only because it's not meant to be since the world doesn't allow for happy endings but also at the hands of her ruthless sister... why yes, I also approvingly nod my head at war crimes because they're drakengard references.

the only minus marie gets from me is that all of her concept designs are so much better. but this one looks so similar to hina. i get that her hairstyle looks more like one now but you could at least have given her black hair or something idk

they fit into the general theme that noelle and dimos (and F66) also partially explore, that robots are created with a purpose that benefits us humans - but if these robots are genuinely thinking beings, do we rob them of their agency by pushing our needs onto them? And Yurie only wants Marie's eye because humanity tells her that she "lacks it" - so even when she decides to take it because she knows she lacks something, is that really her agency? Fascinating stuff to think about.

(also the fact that humanity created a robot and took the robot's agency about taking humanities agency)

yudil

he is the bestest boy, he speaks to me as a ffxiv samurai main. i haven't read most his non main stories yet, but i have a feeling it's the one nier story that is at least in part about capitalism??

also it's nice to see that this game at least tries to not only have pale skinned characters. it's probably not a particularly noteworthy depiction of an arabian nights sort of setting, but i guess we have to set the bar low since a certain other insanely lucrative gacha game is planning to introduce a literal prison wasteland as the country all black people come from and a certain other recently released game that adds 2 more lore units to 14 can somehow literally be about the discrimination of minorities and slavery and still decide that the progressive option was to delete all black people from existence (honestly the writers/whoever else is to blame for that should be ashamed. can't call that anything but ludicrously tone-deaf and embarrassing.)

F66x

I'll be real. I appreciate F66x being here. I think it's really cool they commit to her bald head in all of her costumes (despite me loving her dark story 4 hairstyle...) And you can just tell she has it going on. Like Super Mario RPG levels of "I never really played this but I just know this is special and deserves all the praise it gets." But I just. Don't really care that much for some reason??

The thing is I really should!! She has the flowers, she has weird religious shit going on, all of the signs of some relation to the groteskerie queen - but I guess when her and 063y's chapters first came out the connection to dod3 was too obvious, which made it unappealing to me? idk it felt like a red herring (and it honestly still does) so i never really connected to it all that much

argo, 063y and gayle

the dads + gayle are interesting because they actually reverse our viewpoint on reincarnation. most of the other stories are from the reincarnated person's view, but these stories are about the characters that were reincarnated from and how that fucks them over too.

well, okay, argo not really, argo's story isn't about him it's about his daughter, which means technically it is exactly like the other ones, but i include him because the first part still applies (which is btw why he scores relatively high on my list, once you realize his story isn't about him i think that makes it more interesting. does it replicate the heightened value fathers get ascribed to in family dynamics or does it comment on it...?)

but 063y and Gayle also lose their agency because something happens to the person that reincarnated from them. Every version of 063y fights the flowers to protect his son - because that's what fathers do. But is that really agency? Is there really a choice in that? Same thing with Gayle even if it's about her sister instead.

of course that's also where the war theme comes in since it made this lack of choice even happen in the first place - but it's easy to imagine that without a sibling/child (/parent in the case of lars, who is very similar in that regard but from the other side of reincarnation) all of these people could have more easily chosen different and try and get away for example.

kaine's grandma

and this is where i announce that we have a special guest tonight, it's the one and only Kali from NieR Replicant and she's joining the ring with a steel chair!!!

no really though

when i first saw that scene at the end of sun/moon in the trailer for the final episode (the one where hina/yuzuki are trapped in the lunar tear meadow with kaine's shack) i sighed. is this necessary? literal reference for references sake. where does this come from. you just took that one scene people know and stuffed it in here. could you not come up with anything else that you could have referenced? like come on we're all only waiting for accord here.

turns out i was wrong, it's not just a random reference. it perfectly fits the theme :) with good-enough dreaming energy you too can explain away any plot inconsistencies

it took me until i did the scene again to get to the secret ending, but i realized that kaine's relationship to her grandma is one of those "reincarnations" that actually works. and while she does fall into a "revenge for dead relative" thing similar to gayle and lars, the things she learned from kali are the things that end up protecting her. without kali kaine wouldn't have become the person that would end up helping nier and emil.

it's a reincarnation story that never put kaine into a place where simply because she was kali's grand-daughter she was in a worse place than before - and unlike lars or gayle she can decide to go after hook on her own terms because hook isn't a literal war that she doesn't have any meaningful impact on. (i'm losing the thread here i think but i hope you get what i'm talking about)

(and yes i do think that was the point of including that scene since you find the key to the door next to where kali's picture is and also the replicant event quest is about kaine and kali too so it was probably already on their mind)

the rest (sorry season 1)

honorable mention to rikachimalu(fio's jp seiyuu) bc i love her, she's precious and i think it's kind of funny that she's voicing a nier protagonist and as such is one of the most frequent guests on reincarnation livestreams despite being kind of out of place lol (don't have much to say about fio though except that she's also firmly in "reincarnation through royalty" territory while also getting some "enforced societal rules" through the oppressive caste system she finds herself in)

kind of pains me that i don't have a seperate section for noelle bc i do think she's interesting, but i already said everything i wanted to say about her in the sections above

akeha is super straightforward family baggage, i think you can figure her out on your own

levania and his whole thing with his mom (hidden stories) tells me that they probably also fall into the entire theme of agency loss through reincarnation much more than i first thought, but i haven't looked into it enough to make any statement on it

i included mama since we finally get to know more about her in season 3 - which does look like it follows the established theme too btw! for speculations sake i do think it would be very in theme for mama to basically add her own story into the cage to help the fight and now this character mama - as a seperate version of the 'real' mama - has to deal with existing as a reincarnation bound to wander and defend the cage by her real version's choice

you couldn't pay me to care about rion and dimos, it's not happening and trust me i tried. it's an aesthetic thing, i liked rion's original design so much that i assumed he would lean into a different aesthetic and now all of his other outfits were disappointments and i don't like him. yes i do judge books by their cover too

finale

i know reinkane gets a bad rep bc it's a gacha game that god forbid expects you to play it and while i do think the gameplay is a dumb reason to hate it since some people - especially japanese players apparently - just love this style of game, i also won't be the person to tell you to play a gacha game.

it is some level of commitment to successfully free-to-play it and especially if you're prone to spending money on gachas please just stay away from it and check out videos or the stories on nierrein.guide. while they are still giving out lots of stuff every so often they also have in recent times added more and more stuff to push you to spend money (before awakening stones there was no reason to re-pull characters since you could upgrade the re-pull stuff with event items and before the character elements you also didn't need that many characters)

and while i can wish all i want that it wasn't a gacha game, at least with yoko taro i know that this thing i love wouldn't exist if it wasn't a gacha game. (no really the people who 'wish it wasn't a gacha game' need to realize that he wouldn't have made anything remotely resembling this if he wasn't told to make a gacha game. you can still wish it! but him being forced to make games and making the best of it is yoko taros whole thing)

also i know we attribute all of the nier stuff to just yoko taro as short hand - and he definitely deserves punishment for what he has done - but this is once more an invitation to also cuRSE YUKI WADA'S NAME!!! HE DID SUN MOON STORY AND VoC FORSAKEN MAIDEN TO ME!!! ALSO GIVE ME ANOGG YORHA DARK APOCALYPSE AS A REINKANE CHARACTER SHE FOLLOWS THE THEME PERFEC-----

[fainthedcherry]

PARAMORE RELEASED THEIR A24 TRIBUTE COVER TODAY. AND I GOT INSPIRED BY THE LYRICS AND THE VISUALIZER.

IMAGE CREDITS BC VERY OBVIOUSLY THIS IS AN EXPERIMENTAL PIC COLLAGE PIECE PRIMARILY BELOW DESC (I DID NOT TAKE THE COOL PICS OBV.)

OK GIANT CREDIT BLOCK GO (Freepik and pexels my beloved saved my entire college year lmao):

1 OCEAN WAVES

2 OCEAN WAVES AGAIN

3 YES A THIRD OCEAN WAVE

4 VERY COOL DROPLETS

5 FLAME. OO FIRE PRETTYYY /POS

6 BG I CHEATED YOU INTO BELIEVING IS RAIN

The drawing though is made by my acoustic arse /lh

THE LYRICS ARE TAKEN FROM THE VID I LINKED. HAYLEY'S VOICE MY BELOVED AND FOREVER DEAREST ENTIRE BAND /POSPOSPOS. I wanna sing like Hayley so badly, she is such an idol to me, when it comes to vocals and I wish to sing as expressive as her some day 🤧✨💖

--

WHAT MORE CAN I SAY, OTHER THAN I'VE BEEN EXPERIMENTING WITH SHORT DRAWINGS, THAT TAKE UNDER A DAY TO COMPLETE TO FIGURE OUT SOME THINGS I WANNA DO AS AN ARTIST AND POSSIBLY COMMISSIONS. + These drawings genuinely kinda de-stress so it's been free therapy too, oops. I wanna do more of these vector-style drawings, that are just me taking lyrics and creating these fun collages, of things that inspire me or I like. It's a chill practice and lets my creativity actually do the work for once, instead of my usual need to outdo myself in every drawing and improve lmao. Improvement is cool and all, but dear god did I not realise how hard my need for perfection last year stress and strangle me tf out. I seriously need to re-evaluate the way I approach art as this massive, intimidating medium, when most artists literally draw for fun, and for me it's been like...A Sisyphean task.

--

If you enjoyed seeing this, I might make a sequel with C'est Comme Ca and w/ Marco in it instead and a red BG,, if I want to, I might turn these into a series, just like those aesthetic icon drawings I made of my 2 boys, started Lotta, and IMMEDIATELY lost that sketch due to my USB's death back in 2022 and lost all motivation for art due to that massive loss /neg

--

Not sure what else to add here other than my thoughts that I already did!! Other than ofc, the usual, MASSIVE thank you to my friend Hollowed-Hartlocke for introducing me to Paramore back in 2019 <3

Think I'm done rambling now tho!! OH WAIT. I can add, that I had to actually pull out Adobe Illustrator just to add stretched text for aesthetic purposes. Then I got so impatient with the effects panel not showing me the usual layer-effects and me being too lazy to look up, whether InDesign was the one, that had the usual layer effects I use in an Adobe program or not. Btw still mooching off my college acc that shoulda been dead long ago but just isn't??? LMAO I'M STILL GONNA USE IT IF I CAN ALRIGHT.

OH YEAH BTW. This drawing took 3 hours. NO I'M NOT KIDDING. PEOPLE WOULD PROBABLY BE SHOCKED THAT SUCH A LAZY LOOKING PIECE TOOK SO LONG. BUT I GENUINELY AM RATHER SHOOK THAT I TOOK SUCH LITTLE TIME TO CREATE THIS. TBF I threw MOST proportion checks and canvas flips I do out the window, so there's a BIG chance I will hate this, if I flip the canvas xD ANYWAY I RAMBLED LONG ENOUGH I THINK NOW. JUST ENJOY EXPERIMENTAL ART

^Before-bed edit; Yeah his torso's a TAD too much leaning to the left, it's off-center to the rotation of his pelvis to be in fact, but maybe? I'll roll with this mistake. It kinda gives the piece its abstract nature..I kinda like the mistake?? This is the first time in my life I ever tolerated a mistake I did and now declare it on purpose and will probably build one into the next piece as well. Hell, maybe it'll yield an interesting result. Anyway, it's 12PM as I write this, and I have to get up at 4AM for my train soOooo, yeah, gotta sleep ASAP for school.

I have NO clue again what to 100% accurately tag this, so forgive me if the tags are wrong LMAO, I just will believe what I believe it has overlaps w/ within art-genre.

This piece kiiinda gives pop art??? So I'm gonna tag it as such as well, but but might be incorrect. If a pop-art enjoyer wants to correct me, PLEASE DO. I'm going off the definitions of pop-art I learned in high-school. So I could most def be wrong about me adding this tag in particular. How tf do people confidently tag their posts when I doubt almost every tag I add man. Tagging is the worst part of uploading art to me due to how hard it is to label art really, not meant to be in a genre. xD

Def adding Paramore tags tho bc I NEED to know more Paramore fans out there bc we feel like such a tiny community, when they're literally one of the most influential rock bands of the 2000s and 2010s imho AUGH

[fenmori]

ask game answers!

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated honestly i think a lot of my pieces are overrated/i dont expect people to be that into my stuff so i don’t really have a solid answer for this... possibly this piece because it still holds up but otherwise i get super critical of my old work. only move forwards and all that

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw big coats, hoodies, things that move and swirl. if u follow me on my side twitter you know i love drawing eli’s coat haha

3. What ideas come from when you were little a lot of dragons obviously, i was also really into making whole fantasy worlds when i was young (for some reason these centered around horses/unicorns?) i can’t say for sure anything specific because the illustrative work i do these days is a bit more abstract, but im still really enamored by complex worldbuilding and interactions.

4. Fav character/subject that’s a bitch to draw i draw most of the things i draw because they’re fun to draw! so again no concrete answer for this

7. A medium of art you don’t work in but appreciate by god i love all traditional media. ive dabbled in ceramics and would love to continue; block printing especially when layered, oil painting.... all things i want to try except i don’t have the time or space for the materials lol. oh also tattooing (ive done flash designs for a tattoo artist friend though which was so cool)

14. Any favorite motifs wings, halos, angelic themes (nothing to do at all with christianity i just like how it looks). obviously bea fulfills my need for all of these. also more abstract, but the theme of loneliness/being alone, sadness, and grief. i like seeing how differently people interpret my work also, one of the great things about the internet!

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways jp artists who do clean art with the wildest colors and intricate shading will always amaze me. goyagoat, mecchi, arboret, greycreature, a bunch of others that i cant think of rn!! i am devouring everything with my eyeballs

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy probably the most applicable thing is wings? lol i love drawing wings and feathers, they’re muscle memory enough that theyre relaxing to draw

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what yes! i have to have music or a podcast on or else i get bored out of my mind. gonna take this moment to shill joywave as usual. please listen to hdyfn

[petalsofyouth]

can you share wip of any of your upcoming stories? i need something to stimulate my brain!!!

it took me a day to decide which part of what story to share, but here you go. /it's from kny's second part/

When he got back from the gym, sweaty and a bit angry that he couldn’t take a shower there because he forgot his towel and refused to use the gym’s one, you weren’t sleeping anymore. He found you both sitting on the sofa. You drawing and Ran reading a manga, his back on your folded knees. Next to you was a half-empty plate with rice paper rolls. Ran’s hair wasn’t tied up and because of this the whole scene appeared to Rindou very domestic and new. He had never seen his brother like this with anybody before. 

Neither had he seen him reading a book or a manga. Especially manga. 

“You reek Rindou.” Ran winces, not sparing a glance towards his brother.

“I can’t smell it.” You say in his defence and turn your head toward the door. You put the carmen shaded pastel chalk in its wooden box and stretch out the hand to Rindou. “Where were you?” 

He passes by the sofa, taking off his shirt and gently squeezes your fingers. Thick paper with colourful streaks on your lap has his attention and he stops leaning his face closer so he could see better. Your fingers stay in his hand and probably [most definitely] unconsciously he brings them to his chest. “What are you drawing? Is this some abstract shit?” 

“It’s a colour chat. You are so uncultured, Rindou.” The sorrowful sigh that Ran lets out makes you giggle, but you still smack him with your free hand. 

“You didn’t know what it was either.” You sneer and then address Rindou explaining to him why you are doing this. “I can see colours better like this and this way I’d know how they are acting on the paper and how they blend together. Some find it boring, but I love doing colour charts.” 

He hums, looking from bright paper - to him your chart looks like art - to your happy face. It’s obvious that you like Ran’s gift, but he indulges himself and lets go of your hand, goes to the kitchen, asking you something he already knows. “So you like Ran’s gift?” 

“Of course I do. It's 250 Sennelier soft pastels set and it’s in a wooden box.” You stop talking and reach out for the rice paper roll. You take the bite and after eating it, continue speaking. “Besides, I really appreciate the thought and the unnecessary amount of money Ran spent on it. I know how much it costs.” 

“He wanted to get a set of 525.” The cold water from the fridge tastes heavenly. Rindou places the empty glass on the counter and winks at his brother. Ran’s face darkens at his words and he shoots him a warning glare.  

“You did not.” The unfinished chart is dropped to the floor and you move forward, placing palms on Ran’s shoulder and tilting your head try your best to read the expression that casts on his face. Once you see his furrowed eyebrows and still look in the eyes, you know that Rindou is telling the truth. “Ran. Honestly I would be glad if you bought me… I don’t know… a grape soda.”

He turns his face to you and he gets so close your noses are almost touching. His breath tickles your mouth. Your lungs are full of air, but you are incapable of exhaling. Just looking at Ran and probably for the first time the new founded softness in his eyes rips something apart inside of you; beasts are howling. “I buy you your favourite soda every day. And it’s not a big deal. For your birthday I’ll get you something better.” 

You mutter a confused thanks, sit back and continue doing your chart. Even from the distance and the blur in his eyes - Rindou has an appointment with an ophthalmologist this week - he notices your confusion and shyness. He reads it in the timid grip of the pastel chalk and how your fingers tremble ever so slightly, suddenly unsure and not guided by your confidence across the paper. It’s amusing and sad both. Bittersweet, he decides. And honestly he doesn’t know why he feels like this. 

Without another word, Rindou goes to the bathroom, leaving you two behind. He washes his body thoroughly, admitting that yes, he definitely reeked, Ran was right here and you were being polite and defensive of him. He questions himself if he or Ran really deserve you. Would you stay with them forever? What would it be that would make you turn your back on them? To find them immoral and disgusting. Their true nature. [Rindou really believes they are doomed; to both, losing you one day and them being the nefarious].

Lately, you make late dinner in their kitchen. Rindou catches Ran stealing glances of you every other second. That day, he doesn’t help you as he usually does, but watches you chopping vegetables, slicing bacon and peeling cabbages leaves off. You are making okonomiayaki. Rindou doesn’t like it much, but Ran does and so he doesn’t say anything. Too afraid to disturb the solemn veil and turn his brother’s eyes into hard precious jewels instead of soft pools that you turn them into. 

Rindou would make a joke, because for once, he is the first one to read the situation. To understand what happened before it really happened and took a form.  

But he doesn’t. He watches his brother watching you. 

“What time will you and your friend go home?” Ran asks when the three of you are sitting on the sofa eating. 

“I don’t know. Probably around midnight or something. Maybe a bit later. Why?” 

“Do you mind if I give you a lift home? We must be done around the same time. Right, Rin?” 

Today’s meeting with Izana is a spontaneous one which is anything, but good news. Recently, there was a great outburst of unreasonable madness borderline psychotic tendencies from him; all members - even Shion, especially Kakucho - were distressed. And if Kakucho could somehow tame Izana even for a little while [in this situation a little while is better than nothing at all], everyone else were just trying to avoid him or not say anything that could provoke him. 

What Izana was obsessed with at the moment was, if fact, not an object or some unknown sudden desire for violence. It was a person. Sano Manjiro to be exact. But that no one knew yet. 

“Dunno.” Rindou shaked his head and adjusted his glasses in a movement honed over the years. “Doubt he has to say much though. It’s just…” 

He stops, thinking if he should say what he intends to, in your presence. They never discussed gang related things in front of you. They never agreed not to, it just happened to be like that. The stupidest and not effective - in Ran’s opinion - form of protection. As if not speaking about it puts you in a safe protected well. The well is however just a hole filled with water. It’s dark and wet there and Rindou has no idea if you can swim at all. What they are doing might be actually worse. 

The abrupt silence that follows is awkward, but you possess a good enough ability to read into the situations, to understand what they are doing. Why they stopped talking now and why they’ve been stopping [avoiding] all conversation relating to gangs in the past. As it is annoying and leaves you with a slime feeling of insecurity, it also is reassuring; it feels like they care. 

“We’ll be somewhere in Shimokitazawa. Her brother and his friends are taking us out. Someone just got released from the hospital recently and they kinda want to celebrate.” You say hastily, separating bacon from cabbage with wooden chopsticks. “So if you want to pick me up you can, but don’t worry about it much, because it’s not far and someone would drop me off at home anyways.” 

The sly smile resides upon Ran’s face. He licks his glossy lips - bacon grease is all over them - and chuckles. “I’ll message to ask you where you are.” 

You respond with a quiet okay. 

The dinner continues. 

Much to Rindou’s relief, Ran doesn’t comment on you hanging out with Toman members. In fact, he doesn’t utter the word about it and instead tells you a story of how Rindou walked in women's parts of sento and if not for them knowing the guy in charge there he would be very well banned from going there forever. 

You laugh and Rindou watches his brother watching you throw your head back and laugh laugh laugh. And the burning fire, your intoxicating mirth, feeds the bonfire in Ran’s chest, and it radiates so intensely, it scorches Rindou too. Barely, but aloud. And because of that and the reason that Ran in a way is a part of him, he can see his brother burning burning burning. 

He knows, from now on, there will be many more moments of him watching Ran watching you and burn.

[klutzyroses]

I hope so much not to bother but I am really curious to know How did you learnt to draw ? Plusdo you have any adviceto newbies ? Thank you Have a wonderful day 🤗☺

Not at all! Let's see now...

I started drawing back in 2020 as a hobby to pick up. I started by using traditional media(pencil and paper) while following references I would find online. I generally didn't do too bad but not too great either because I aimed too high too quickly and made many mistakes and got frustrated alot because the results weren't what I wanted.😅

Then in 2021-2022, I picked up on using bases to try and get the general shape and appearance of person and customize them to my liking. From there, I transitioned to drawing on a PC to make digital art. Soon, I started to use actual tutorials to actually teach me how to draw a full person from scratch using lines and circles. I still used references of anime to learn how to position eyes and head angles, as well as learning how to draw more organic poses and body types. Now, I have a tablet and I do all my art from scratch using that and usually with one or two references nearby to help guide me.

Now, as to the advice I'd give to newbies...

1. Start figuring out your style.

You don't have to have a concrete idea right away, but whether you wish to draw in a realistic style, anime style, abstract, cartoon style or otherwise, you should have an idea of what direction you want to take with that. You can possibly mix it up as your style develops and you get braver but start with what feels most comfortable to you.

2. Use references.

Look at pictures of subjects you want to draw. Drawing from memory is fine, but pictures can help you with perfecting certain shapes and poses. This is particularly useful for facial angles and complicated posing.

3. Be patient with yourself!

You might not get the exact result you were hoping for right away, but don't get down on yourself. The fact you did it at all means you have learnt something and you shouldn't be so hard on yourself for it if you aren't progressing as quickly as you'd like. Its meant to be a pleasant process for you and if you put too much pressure on yourself to create masterpieces right away, you are just going to hate drawing.

4. Don't compare yourself to other artists!

It's fine if you want to look at other's art as a motivator or setting a goal you may want to reach but don't compare your art to others, especially if you're starting out. You're going to make yourself miserable and you won't be motivated to improve yourself. You will improve at your own pace if you give yourself the time.

5. Don't draw too big.

If you're starting out, it probably isn't the best idea to start with large drawings of people in full landscapes. Better start small, maybe by drawing a head with a face, then practice with hair. Or maybe practice drawing hands(they are probably the hardest part to draw for me).

6. Enjoy learning .

Drawing is meant to be fun and you are always learning something new to expand your skills. Welcome that rather than shun it, you may learn someway to improve in a way you didn't think you could. You are meant to be having fun.

7. Track your progress.

It's incredibly rewarding to see how far you have come as an artist, so keep your old drawings and note the difference between your first drawing and the 10th for example. It will help motivate you to get even better and keep going.

I hope that helps!

🌸

[sirislayer]

4, 8, 20, 23 for the artist asks!

4. Favorite Thing to Draw Faces, facial expressions, Pointy ears, Glow Magic stuff, landscape (traditional, abstract), Puns

8. What's the most fun and the least fun parts about your process

Most Fun:

Ideally this lightning of giddy inspiration strikes and I just MUST DRAW or else I will be unable to do anything else. (This is an unreliable reason to do art however, so it should never be depended upon)

But even if this aspect is missing, I like the part where everything of an idea clicks into place. The research starts to come together, the moodboard is helping, the scribbles turn into a sketch, turn into lineart.

Hyperfocus!!!! Hyperfocus is so great to be in. It satisfies my brain being able to hyperfocus on a piece of art and suddenly hours passed by but I finished a thing!!!

Creative activity to me often corresponds with problem solving. The problem often being, that the image I want to exist does not exist. So actually being in the process of problem solving and actually seeing results, thats fun!

Another fun thing - this specifically applies for me to fanart - is when I know a specific person, friend, mutual will enjoy the thing I'm working on as well. It's like "aaah the thing I'm making will probably excite my friend, I can't wait to see their reaction!!!"

Least Fun:

Repetition. I h a t e repeating things I have already done. I don't like doing repetitive tasks or redoing work because I lost my progress due to software crashing. It used to be the thing that would easiest stop me from drawing something. I've gained a bit of a better attitude and harder shell over the years over the course of various professional projects, but it's still a big bummer.

I find posting/uploading + tagging my content on different platforms to be a chore and rather tedious. It has made me think I should just quit twitter/instagram all together because I neither get the interactivity one would want out of them, nor do I necessarily gain any financial benefit from them. Tumblr and YouTube are the most fun to post to, but I know my audience i limited on Tumblr to those, who use tumblr.

Posting in general, while it does result in positive feedback and attention and all that external validation at times, I just find the process boring and rather stressful. Formatting my images to actually be top-notch quality and not be compressed by various platforms takes time, so I actually often just don't do it in the first place.

20. a piece from this year that you're really proud of

I think the one I'm most proud of is one that is not available to the public as of yet. It's an animated short (8 minutes) about coping with the escape from a domestic violence and abuse situation. Most of the work on this was done the years prior to this year, but I did finish a substantial amount of the final animation this year, so I think that still counts. I won't share a link to the video right now, probably in about a year or so. But here are some images from the film:

After finishing that film... long animation does not scare me as much anymore to make. :) If we want to talk strictly limited to this year and this year only - I will probably say my TAZ Graduation Animations [1] [2] [3] and this character design commission!

23. what's something you hope people notice when looking at your art

Uh... that one is actually kinda tough. I don't really know?

Unless the piece has a specific message/vibe I want them to definitely feel (e.g. my domestic violence film), a lot of times I just want people to enjoy the art?

I guess the normal expectation is, I want them to notice my effort? But even then, with 5 minute doodles, that's not effort that's just.. braindump so this answer does not feel quite universal.

A lot of times though, this specifically applies to animation and maybe comics - I am always pleased when people point out things I put in that were not required to make something work, but are fun to see anyways. (e.g. people pointing out ear wiggles, sign language, background action, Fitzroy getting more angry once he notices Argo's upsetness...) It's nice to see I did not add that detail and decor in vain.

In a way I hope people will notice the things and nuance I put there specifically for people to take notice of. (if that makes sense)

[cielwells]

April 2024 Update

At the end in the "Failed Experiment" heading I'll leave that failed experiment. At the start of April I planned on doing a daily update and posting the result as month's end for my monthly update. On day 86 or so I lost track. Only to realize on day 108.

Looking at April in hindsight, what do I think I can learn or what I learned?

I see where I started trying to branch out into multi-day works instead of sticking to a single day and moving on.

Day 65: Was a failed attempt at it.

Day 71 and 72 was the Nek-sliver.

Day 89 and 90 were Pekora Vegetta.

Looking at the naming convention I use, surprisingly Frieren (I have three 76s and she's 2) wasn't one of them. 89 and 80B, paper bag guy, also weren't.

I suppose towards the end of the month I started stretching myself more with fanart.

The Failed Experiment

Monthly Format, yo!

Yo! Not sure what will be here at month's end, but I decided to try this for April, 2024. I don't want to spam daily with my draw something a day project, but I definitely want to make sure I'm reflecting on this stuff to some degree.

Then I had a thought. Doesn't Tumblr have a draft feature?

*returns a day later to see everyone beyond that is missing despite attempts to save*

Arguably.

I hope, hoped, to use the draft to keep a daily reflection written, formatted, etc. while avoiding a daily spam of drawings that I don't feel merit their own posts. Since my plan is, was, will be, to release a collage monthly... well, this seemed a way to kill two bids at once.

Daily Logs

Day 63 - One of the Lost

One of the lost entries. This will be brief unless I come back to rewrite it when I'm in a better headspace.

Primary Goal: Explore CSP's brushes some.

I feel I accomplished that.

Day 64 - One of the Lost

The primary goal of this one was to play around with a certain style's coloring technique some. Maybe even use it as a template for this purpose going into the future so I could jump straight into the coloring section.

I "ran out of time" partway through practicing inking. Looks like I still have an issue with relative brush sizes.

Since I forgot to mark it, no reference used.

Day 65

*Returns to this on day 76, and coughs up a lung* Vacation and illness arc ahead.

Was going to use this over a few days to practice different shading and coloring techniques, but I ended up dropping it due to travel.

Day 66

Quick sketch due to traveling.

Day 67

Another quick sketch. A borderline abstract sketch of my time in Tennessee.

Day 68

Sad frog in the snow.

Day 69

Random quick sketches.

Day 70

Incomplete sketch of an idea. A Sliver in a circular shape. First attempt was coiling it up.

Day 71

A second attempt. The head is circular with the tail and arm blades making the expression.

Day 72

Probably inspired by Albert from "The Girl From the Other Side". I had finished the series a few days beforehand.

Day 73

My most blatant cheat image.

Day 74

Sickness fulling kicking in.

Day 75

Stupid sick sketch. Random doodle became an "Amogus". Then I did a reflected jump scare in the visor.

Day 76

Starting to feel better. Streak tracking app didn't save my things from yesterday so I thought it was day 75 still when I started. Then I got a "there is already a save by this name!" when I tried to save it as day 75.

After the "proper 76" I continued sketching a bit in the style that feels more "right". The eyes are clearly off. I can feel I'm getting a better sense of hair chunk flows. Granted, at my basic skill "better" is relative.

I'm calling this here. With more time I could do more with it. Maybe another day I will, but it is late and I nearing my limit of trying to put off taking my next dose of cold medicine.

Frieren is the subject.

The next day I ended up doing more work on it.

Day 77

Gave a night landscape a try again.

Day 78

A bunch of random shapes and quick practice. I forget what triggered my desire to go back to working on the basicer basics.

Day 79

Maybe inspired by Albert from "Girl on the Other Side". The horn shape was the primary object of my focus on this day.

Day 80

The goal this day was perspective playing. You can still somewhat see where I kept redrawing the eyes, repositioning them, to get the perspective I wanted.

Day 81

Day 81 proper was just a sketch of The Durge from Baldur's Gate 3.

The warmup was inspired by Pikat's Partner's 30 Day Video.

Day 82

Inspired by a meme, maybe a YouTube short? It was a four frame dealio where each layer was improving your "level". Flat image of water in a glass. Then shading it. Then two more of the red water slurping around the glass.

Day 83

Was in a rush between chores, friends, getting my other X times a week things done. A Haro on adult Gon Freecs' body. The left arm really needs more work. At least the forearm.

Day 84

Got a bug in my ear to try a technique for shirts.

Day 85

Wanted to give cold weather clothes a try.

Day 86

Was a second attempt at a sweater. Turned into randomness.

Day... bleh

At some point I lost track of this. Keeping a daily log just ended up being too much for me right now, I guess.