#this show will be the end of me

[larabar]

rouge >>>>>>>>

[vroomvroomwee]

Everyone notices Aziraphales self-sabotaging people-pleasing tendencies but no one ever talks about Crowley.

Now imagine being an angel, completely unaware that falling is possible ending up in hell surrounded by evil and malicious beings, being grouped with them, being told you're one of them. One of the things you'll probably feel is shame, shame that you're down there, shame that you weren't good enough, shame that you have disappointed Her. And there is absolutely nothing you can do to fix it.

Then you start to hang out with an angel. An angel supposed to be your hereditary enemy, an angel who's there to thwart your work, but... that's not what he's doing. Instead he befriends you, he's kind to you, he's helping you, he cares for you... and you care for him. He's the "only friend you have" and you can't bear to lose him, the same way you lost Her. You can't disappoint him.

So you don't even try to show how kind you really are, how much you're capable of love, in case he finds out you aren't, in case he one day might discover you aren't holy enough, in case he finds "spots" and realises you're not good enough, not perfect enough.

Crowley would rather convince Aziraphale that he's evil and demonic rather than risk the chance of disappointing him, and consequently losing him, than risk him abandoning and leaving him. If he's aware of his wickedness he won't ever be disappointed in him. Crowley never paints himself as kind because he can't compete with Aziraphale, he's not an angel anymore and he can't ever be, so he doesn't even try. Because if Aziraphale ever did happen to find it he can say "I told you, it's your fault, not mine... not this time."

He disappointed Her once, he can't disappoint Him.

Those internal thoughts are explicitly (and slightly violently) expressed through his plants. He shreds the imperfect ones obviously, but in this season, out of all his possessions, he keeps the plants. There's nothing wrong with them, they haven't disappointed him yet. They're perfect, and by keeping them perfect he's keeping himself that way. By fixing his plants he's fixing himself.

It's partly why he introduces Aziraphale to food. If you can like and enjoy something earthly, not heavenly and holy, maybe you will realise imperfection isn't so bad. If you can love that, you can love me.

Aziraphale goes about pleasing people in a very obvious way, he actively seeks their approval, their validation, their praise, actively trying to impress them. Meanwhile Crowley is the exact opposite. His people pleasing expresses itself in complete contrast to Aziraphales'. Out of fear of rejection he doesn't even bother, he purposefully and strongly tries to convince everyone around him that he doesn't care about their opinion, down to his words, his maneurisms and his tone. But... demons lie.

And despite how hard he tries, Aziraphale always sees through him, time and time again he sees how kind he really is. And that belief ingrains itself in his head by the end of the season. "We don't dance", that closeness hasn't even occurred to him was possible, and yet it is. Beelzebub and Gabriel are also possible, that could be them.

By the finale Aziraphale finally got the recognition he's so desperately wanted from heaven, while Crowley got the exact opposite. Now the main reason for the sunglasses is to hide his eyes, he does it out of shame, because he thinks they're proof of his failures. When talking to Gabriel he even takes the glasses off and uses his eyes as a weapon, as something to be feared and scared of. Baring his eyes for Aziraphale he's baring his imperfections, his shame.

Aziraphale saying he wants him as an angel so that he can not worry about disappointing anyone again and maybe, finally, be happy, like he was when they first met, sounded to Crowleys ears like "you're dissapointing me and I can never love you while you're imperfect"... and, hiding his eyes, his failures, he will never bear himself open again...

Aziraphale and Crowley are complete opposites to each other in this sense, and this internal part of their personalities is a prime example of how the show and the book plays with contrast. A thing might appear obvious from surface observation, but upon closer inspection it turns out to be the exact opposite.

(I know most of it is fear of what hell will do to him, but this thought came to me when we can still see him denying his kindness even after Armagedidnt, when hell can't touch him)

Edit: Also, might I point out, how Crowley looks visibly agitated every time Aziraphale says I forgive you. To Aziraphale that means: "I will forgive you if that's what you need me to do, I will always accept you and there's nothing you can do that will turn me away from you". But all Crowley hears is: "you've done something wrong, you've dissapointed me", because if he hasn't then there wouldn't be anything to forgive now would there.

And in the Job episode, where no one can hear them he is still adamant and determined to prove to Aziraphale just how evil he is. With the episode ending in such a sweet and wholesome way, where Crowley ends up comforting him and just generally being so so soft with Aziraphale. The way he wished someone was with him, the way he wished someone would comfort him in such a way. "He's like me". Both of them so similar yet expressing their struggles in such a different way.

Aziraphale deals with his self-esteem issues by feeling important, by making a difference, every time Crowley saves him he feels appreciated, he feels he's worth something as he sees the trouble Crowley goes through for him. Meanwhile Crowley is the exact opposite, his fear of failure manifetst itself as a love language in the form of acts of service. Every time he saves Aziraphale he fixes part of his failings, he gets to prove himself, he couldn't do those things for Her so hes doing them for Him, because he loves him. "Rescuing me makes him so happy", makes him feel like he's worth a damn.

And that's precisely why he doesn't tell Aziraphale he lives in his car. He doesn't want to show he needs help, that he's struggling, and doesn't want to show any weakness or vulnerability. He's the one who's supposed to be rescuing him, not the other way around. He's supposed to maintain that strong persona and not dissapoint anyone.

And it's no wonder he loves Aziraphale so much. They are both so similar and he sees himself in him but at the same time he sees everything he wishes he could be, everything he can't be, everything he isn't. He loves Aziraphale for his kindness, his bravery and courage, his gentleness, his pure heart, his hope... everything he's lost. He loves him for not changing, for not breaking, for not allowing anyone to modify him. For not following the collective, for his individuality, something that can be observed in Crowley himself. But for still having a pure heart after all he's seen and all that has been done to him, are the things Crowley hasn't been able to accomplish in his own eyes. He loves and basically worships Aziraphale because of this. He's everything he wishes he could be and in his eyes Aziraphale is indeed ethereal and godly.

And how this is all encapsulated in his decision to run away with Azieaphale. Just like he sees people liking him as too much, too scary, too risky, so he doesn't bother, he runs away is the same way he wants to escape Armaggedon and not even try to save Earth. He did try once, a long time ago, he tried to prove himself, tried to be kind, and he failed, he was judged. And that has created a very very deep trauma response in him. Meanwhile, Aziraphale, the complete opposite, stays and fights. He openly fights for validation and he viciously fights for humanity. Even though both of them are completely the same in the sense of loving this planet and its people.

[maythegeekbewithyou]

Me: don’t get your hopes up. It’s just friendship with a dash of queerbaiting.

Also me: THEY LITERALLY CHOSE A BUDDIE JEALOUSY PLOT FOR THE 100TH EPISODE HOW DOES THAT NOT MEAN BUDDIE?!???!

I'm doing so well ya'll.

[octoberconstellation]

not to change the subject… but I’m gonna

[stars-n-spice]

Every Wednesday I wake up and pretend all is well for three hours or so, doing anything and everything to stay in bed in my room or with my cats until inevitably I have to turn on the silly show and just rip of the bandage.

[asharkapologist]

Ewan McGregor is so good at portraying flashbacks and panic attacks without a word of dialogue. It's so relatable and real. It hurts.

[butchcassidys]

I knew going in that Joel doesn’t make it through The Last of Us Part II (which is why it’s taken me this long to play it) but I was not ready for that. I have no words.

Update: omfg walking through Joel’s house. Finding the broken watch from Sarah. Ellie smelling Joel’s jacket.

[bourbon-ontherocks]

The way HPI just took my favourite guilty pleasure song and turned it into a Morgadec anthem though 😱

I'm starting to think this show was designed to destroy me specifically...

[mandezp]

So this foursome When?

[yellowraincoat]

Listen it wasn’t the most baffling thing in the world when Netflix canceled Lockwood and co even tho it performed well bc let’s be real, Netflix will basically cancel a show if it breathes wrong…

But do you think that Netflix actually canceled Lockwood and co bc around the time it aired they’d aquired the rights to dead boy detectives (a show with a competingly similar premise to Lockwood and co that has Neil Gaiman attached who’s had two very successful shows in the last few years with Netflix and Amazon prime)… because I do.

Like to me that’s the missing puzzle piece of what happened there

[sketchy-tour]

Thank you, Remderem!

[oifaaa]

Listen listen is the Percy Jackson show making changes so big that even me with my horrible little memory is noticing - yes Do I care - absolutely not I'm still enjoying the show and the changes so far have just helped keep me on my toes bc wtf do you mean Percy has 4 pearls?!?? What do you mean the summer solstice has happened?!!? What is going on I need to know !!!!

[puppyeared]

these two are so interesting to me

characters belong to @canisalbus

[taffywabbit]

i have lots of flaws but i do at least take a fair amount of comfort knowing that, if i were a customer NPC in a fast food/retail management game, i would be one of the chill early-level ones that can wait a super long time before they start getting impatient, and you breathe a sigh of a relief when you see them show up in a harder level

[wrongspacetime]

The Fall of the House of Usher 1.08 | The Raven (2023)

[iipaint]

oh, i should have gone deeper, but i'm not so brave

when i was done dying - dan deacon // fionna and cake - "cheers"