#this turned out more angsty than i thought. woops

[evanostic]

so i heard you guys like vuzi

[the-little-moment]

Angst-pril Day 4: Except for One Thing

Prompt: Longing

Words: ~500

Warnings: None

Summary: No matter how much he cherishes his new family, Echo knows one thing will always be missing. (This fic imagines there's more time in the beginning of "Truth and Consequences" before the Batch gets a call from Rex.)

Echo closed the door between the cockpit and the rest of the ship with a quiet sigh, stretching out his stiff shoulders before he settled down into the pilot’s seat for the second half of the night watch he split with Tech. Despite what he’d told Omega earlier, there were some times when it was good to be a little alone, not too far from the others, but far enough to think in peace. And to add another entry in his private log. 

It had been a while since he’d had enough time to himself to catch his brother up on everything that had been happening in his life, and he felt vaguely, nonsensically guilty about it. Like Fives didn’t have all the time in the world. 

Echo pulled his recording device out of his belt and turned it on, leaning back in his chair to look out into the Ord Mantell night.

“Hey, Fives. Sorry it’s been so long. Kriff…where to start. I guess the last thing I told you about was Kamino. Uh, since then,” Echo shifted to hold the recorder between his knees so he could count on his fingers. “Since then we’ve been to Serreno, tried to get our hands on some of Dooku’s war chest, but, well…that didn’t exactly work out. Tech broke his leg. He’s fine now, but he was a karking pain to live with for a while there, let me tell you.”

Dawn was just beginning to peek over the walls of the docking yard when Echo finished recounting all that had happened to him and his family in the past few months. If he was here, Fives would have been interrupting endlessly. If he was here, Echo would let him. He already knew what his brother would say though. He’d known Fives almost better than he’d known himself, and he refused to believe things could have changed that much in the time they’d been apart. 

“So, yeah. That’s pretty much it.” Echo stared down at the recorder in his hand and bit his lip. “It’s not…a bad life, Fives. I mean, don’t get me wrong, parts of it have been really terrible, and it’s not easy, that’s for kriffing sure. It’s just…I’m always gonna wish you were here. You’d love ‘em. You’d help me figure all this out. Help me convince Hunter to do the right thing.” 

Another slow sigh pulled itself from his lungs. “Even if we manage to fix it all, it’s really not gonna feel right without you. I miss you, brother. I’ll…talk to you later.”

He ended the recording just as he heard shuffling from the back of the ship. It was about time to start another day. Echo stretched and stood, smiling as he heard Omega’s little chirp and Hunter’s sleepy mutter beyond the door. Yeah, he had said that he didn’t like being alone, and that was true, but he also knew there was one person who would always be with him. And maybe someday, when this was all over, he’d get to see him again. 

Woop woop! Thanks for being along on this angsty ride with @kybercrystals94 , @just-here-with-my-thoughts and me! We're alternating prompts all months, so stay tuned. 😊

Taglist: @lightwise @clonethirstingisreal @freesia-writes @moonwrecked @bad-batch-lurker

[sloanerisette]

Ok I was tagged for this and it took a few days but i'm finally doing it!

How many works do you have on AO3? 46

What's your total AO3 word count? 508,068

What fandoms do you write for? Right now? Digimon, Persona, Fire Emblem, and Dungeon Meshi (technically only one fic for that but who's counting)

Top five fics by kudos:

Falling Through Life (Life is Strange)

At The End of The Day (Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch From Mercury)

You Never Forget Your First Time (Life is Strange)

A Whole New World (Life is Strange)

A smut fic with a name I won't mention because even the name itself is NSFW lmao (Dungeon Meshi)

(For the record I find it very funny that three of these are for a fandom that, while I love the game, I haven't really kept up with the fandom in forever and the top one is an abandoned fic WOOPS. Pro-tip: writing about the hot new game about queer girls will really give you those kudos if you want them)

Do you respond to comments? I do my best to! If someone either doesn't have anything nice to say or doesn't, really, have anything substantial to say or they're just kind of Yapping then I avoid it, but otherwise I take the time to go through comments and thank people profusely for enjoying my stuff

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Oh god this is tough??? I generally write either lighthearted fics or smut and my main dramatic fics just, either aren't anywhere near done to have an angsty ending or were abandoned? If I had to pick probably the Dungeon Meshi fic listed in my top 5 by kudos-- I almost went for a comedic ending but wanted to go for something angsty-ish and unnerving and I thought it hit pretty well! Otherwise the one Fire Emblem 3 Houses fic I have (also a smut fic) has a pretty oof ending

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Man this is TOUGH. I have a lot of happy/nice/sweet endings just by virtue of writing a lot of smut and heartwarming stuff for the fandoms I love. Uh, maybe At The End of The Day??? It takes a nice ending and makes it cute? Otherwise maybe Especially For You which is a smut in my Persona 5 AU that has a really sweet ending for the main ship of the AU???

Do you get hate on fics? Thankfully no! I did have one person laugh at one of the connections a character made even though the character had no reason to believe otherwise? Another time I saw someone bookmarked my fic and mentioned "this character isn't at their best" when frankly I put my whole bussy into writing them incredibly well SO I was salty about that and they have bad taste on that in my imo BUT WHATEVER I KNOW THE TRUTH

Do you write smut? Dawg you have NO idea. I have so many wips that have just not been finished and probably never will be, so many documents with vague outlines that I have no clue will be finished. A small handful I haven't posted yet. Plenty I've written for friends for their birthdays or otherwise. I'm a smut maven and I love it. And I'm apparently pretty good at it, I've been told.

Craziest crossover: The closest thing to a crossover I've done is a crossover AU I did for one of the Jyoumi month challenges that was Joe and Mimi in The World Ends With You? It was... alright. I wrote it all in one day like I did the rest of the onesehots for those challenges and I had some neat ideas but man, I just don't think I'm all too great at crossovers, nor do they entirely interest me? More power to those who CAN do crossovers and do them well, y'all are more powerful than I can imagine

Have you ever had a fic stolen? No, but I DID have a character bio stolen in roleplay before. I know this because I had to make very specific changes/specifications to their power set for that site. Someone used it exactly as is but changed some of the history and I called them out and they insisted it was theirs, despite me having proof and having others verify for me. They kept saying "Oh I've had this forever" and when I asked for proof they turned it around on me being like "Well people have stolen my stuff so I don't want you to steal it" so. It was a great fun mess. Fics? I pray not because if I have to get into something like THAT but for fics I think I'll actually throw hands for real for real.

Have you ever had a fic translated? I have not, I'm not esports enough for that treatment.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? I haven't! It's definitely something that would interest me/would drive me to work harder and more consistent but as of right now, nope.

All time favorite ship? This is not fair this is not right you cannot ask me to do this. I'm gonna do a small handful and y'all will have to put up with it

Joe Kido and Mimi Tachikawa (Digimon)

Kari Kamiya and Yolei Inoue (Digimon)

Davis Motomiya and Yolei Inoue (Digimon)

Kumiko Oumae and Reina Kousaka (Sound! Euphonium)

Suletta Mercury and Miorine Rembran (Gundam: The Witch From Mercury)

Joker and Ryuji Sakamoto (Persona 5)

Yu Narukami and Ai Ebihara (Persona 4)

Yu Narukami and Rise Kujikawa (Persona 4)

Nico Minoru and Karolina Dean (Runaways)

Jemma Simmons and Leo Fitz (Agents of SHIELD)

I have so many fucking ships these are just the first ones I thought of this isn't even counting the rp/tabletop ships with original characters or otherwise we'd be here all day.

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Probably my old main Life is Strange AU that I was writing as the game was coming out or an Agents of SHIELD AU I wrote when I got back into fic writing early into the pandemic. Neat stories I hold dear but I just don't have the time, energy, or motivation to work on them anymore.

What are your writing strengths? I think dialogue and conversations. I've also been told I'm pretty good at writing characters true to how they are in the source material which is great. I've also been told my writing is very snappy and sincere which makes me very very happy. I also like to think I'm alright at fight scenes!

What are your writing weaknesses? Probably good descriptions of places/people/things, especially in smut. I always feel like I can get better so I'm pretty hyper critical of my own stuff, so I think descriptions, as well as being too wordy sometimes. I use so many words to say a few things and it's frustrating.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? Personally I'm iffy on it. I think it's something that needs to be worked on very well. I've recently seen stuff of people writing characters in English for like, fics in English or rp in English but they'll say stuff like "Naruhodo" and it just absolutely throws me off and I just think "You are not serious people" a la Logan Roy. When I write fics in Japan (besides Digimon because I generally go dub-focused but that's another matter) I'll do stuff like honorifics, but I generally won't try to use dialogue in another language. It trips up easier than it actually works well in my opinion, and I think I would need to be a lot better of a writer to do it-- there's a reason why so many Digidestined across the world speak in Japanese primarily in stuff like the sub of the World Tour after all, lmao

First fandom you wrote in? Tales of Symphonia! I love that game so much and I have to credit it with my love of fic writing. It was a horrible self-insert fic that I cringe whenever I think about it, but it's MY horrible self-insert fic that makes me cringe.

Favorite fic you’ve written? This is literally not fair lmao. I think Someone On Your Side for Persona 5 as part of my AU was a lot of fun, very affirming, but also took the issues of societal transphobia especially in the context of my AU seriously and with weight. Also, The Curse of The Beast was some fun unhinged smut I got to write and I adore it. But also something something all my fics are special except the ones that aren't.

Tagged by: @zuzsenpai Thank you for tagging me! Sorry for the wait but I hope you enjoy this haha. It was a lot of fun to do this!

Tagging: whoever wants to feel free I always feel weird about tagging this stuff so go for it

[sugawarassoccerlover]

"Are we gonna get divorced?"

a/n: woop woop trauma. my home situation has been hitting harder recently so here's something really self indulgent, enjoy.

cw: mentions of divorce, fighting/arguments, reader has divorced parents and a toxic childhood, sorta angsty? some hurt, mostly comfort pairing: Sugawara x gn!reader

another day, another argument. your marriage with Sugawara wasn't terrible, but it certainly wasn't perfect. you loved him more than life itself, and words could not describe how smitten he was with you, you were just so breathtaking to him.

but you were different. you had different preferences, very different personalities, different dreams, and different ways of communicating. and this lead to conflict. you tried to work it out together and you ultimately knew you could come to him with anything, and him to you. you talked about your differences a lot, but both of you have been under a lot of stress recently. you'd come home frustrated and forget about the things you had agreed on.

and you hated it. every single time. it felt agonizing to argue with Koshi. you wanted things to be perfect, but that was just a pipe dream.

and then there were the memories.

your parents had a nasty divorce when you were a teen, and fought ruthlessly when you were a kid. all your memories of them were them fighting. your father was narcissistic and abusive, and your mother was extremely secretive and avoidant. while you and Koshi didn't have those same flaws, you were worried that you'd turn into them. recently, you felt like your worries were coming true. you began to avoid your husband more recently.

he assumed you just needed space, but after a bit, he got sick of the fact he hardly saw you anymore, and the only time you were around him was while you were sleeping.

"y/n, I know you're stressed right now, but you can't just keep avoiding your problems," Koshi stated.

"oh is that it? is it just me? mr. perfect?" you snapped.

"I'm not perfect and I don't think I am. I just want us to talk about this."

"and what has talking done for us? huh? it seems all we can do is fight."

"that's not true! on that note, what has your avoidance done for us? huh?"

"..."

"that's what I thought."

frustrated, you grumbled something intelligible, before storming off to your bedroom. Suga sighed. he was tired, to say the least. work was stressful, and then there was your marriage. maybe some time alone would be good for the two of you, he thought. he assumed that you were going to collect yourself, but when he heard your sobs from the bedroom, he knew he was dead wrong.

his heart shattered when he saw you there on the bed, curled up, hugging your pillow and sobbing. cautiously, he walked closer to you, not wanting to startle you.

"y/n, I'm sorry I was being harsh earli-"

"are we gonna get divorced?" he could barely make out your words among your cries and hiccuping.

when they registered in his mind, the color drained from his face. his breath got caught in his throat. did he hear you right? why would you ever say anything like that? tears welled up in his own eyes as he sat down on the bed, scooping you up into his lap.

you covered your face with your hands, ashamed, ashamed that you were breaking down, ashamed of what you had just said.

"look at me baby," he said, moving your hands from your face.

his heart twisted painfully at the sight of your broken expression.

"we are never going to get divorced, do you hear me? I'm not leaving you. ever." he cupped your cheek gently with one of his hands. "you know that don't you?"

he searched your eyes for something, some kind of acknowledgement, some agreement, something that said you knew.

"baby..." his voice broke.

tears streamed down your face silently, and he wiped them with the pad of his thumb. "you don't... you don't want that do you?"

"NO!" you buried your face in his chest, gripping his shirt tightly. "I don't, I just..." you trailed off

"you what? c'mon, talk to me, please." he pulled you closer.

"I'm scared. I'm so, scared. you know about my parents and I just... I'm so scared we'll turn out like them. every day when I see you I see the same exhausted expression as my mother right before she had enough... and I wonder," you hiccuped. "I wonder if I'm becoming like my dad."

"oh, no, baby no, you're not like him at all. why didn't you tell me any of this sooner? you know you can talk to me, always."

"but you've just... you've been so stressed and busy and I didn't want to bother you."

he grabbed your face in his hands, making you look at him. "you are never, ever bothering me. I don't care if I'm mad, busy, or anything, if it's the middle of the night, and you're thinking these things I need you to tell me, y/n. we're married. we're a family now, and we promised to always tell each other these things. we promised to be one."

"I never wanted to get married..." you mumbled.

Suga's eyes widened in alarm. "what?"

"OH! not because of you at all, I promise its not you, I felt that way far before I met you." you said quickly, relieved at your husband's shoulders relaxing a little. "seeing what my parents went through, when I was a child, I told myself that I'd never get married. I've always thought that marriage was what they had, that their relationship is what all relationships are like. after meeting you I, I knew I was wrong. but lately I've been kinda insecure you know? what if I was right all along?"

"thank you so much for telling me this y/n." Suga wiped a tear you didn't know had fallen from your face. "I'm so sorry that you've felt that way but I can assure you, we'll never get to that point. I won't let us. I love you so, so, so much. I said 'I do' and I'm not going back on it. even if you hated me, I wouldn't give up on you. I know we've been arguing more lately, but I promise, I'm not going anywhere."

more tears streamed down your face, but for a different reason this time.

"do you promise?"

"I promise."

"I love you Koshi."

"I love you more, y/n."

[inactive-luv]

hi liv!!! i have a request, and you don’t have to write it if you aren’t comfortable!!

a blurb about reader coming out to reid as queer (bi, pan, demi, etc.) and they’re dating and he’s just really supportive and it’s lovey dovey with a hint of angst?

(+yes i saw the message u sent! hello 🪐anon!!)

i love this idea!! also i made it more angsty than i thought woops

...

Do You Still Love Me?: 787 words

cw:mentions of sexuality, angst, coming out

...

Spencer didn't ask why you'd pulled away from him so much this week. He never asked why he woke up to you already out of bed when he reached over to hold you at night. He wanted to give you the space you'd said you needed but was getting worried when you started pulling away from everyone else.

Things used to be normal before sometime last week; before you'd asked Spencer for more alone time, saying 'you needed to work on yourself.' Even then, you were still your lovable and kind self at the BAU, but now your standoffish tone and attitude became noticeable to the rest of your coworkers.

...

So he finally decided to ask her, "Hey Y/N?" She was standing in the doorway about to leave the room before Spencer called her back in. He lifted his fingers to gesture her over to the couch where he was seated.

There was something about her tonight. She seemed antsy, anticipating something he couldn't figure out. But she instinctively crawled into his arms the way they used to before.

Her smell right was against his nose, breathing her in and holding her tight as a way to let her know how much she was safe. This slowly made her relax, causing Spencer to kiss her head and continue his grip before the peace they both once revealed in was broken, and he felt her breathing go ragged.

"Are you alright?" He asked her, loosening his hold and bringing her up to his eye-line. Her red eyes were the first thing he noticed before bringing her back into a warm embrace; she was crying.

"Oh Y/N,"

The walls were finally broken down when she realized just how safe she could be in his arms and knew it was time to explain herself before the tears came unknowingly.

"S-Spencer?" She whimpered through sobs, "You don't have to tell me." he whispered back. He wasn't telling her not to talk to him, but he understood the pain when trying to explain something you weren't ready for.

But you whispered back a 'no' and readjusted yourself.

Thinking about it for a moment, the thought of wanting to back out was quickly pushed out of your head instead, a need to release clouded your mind before the words just spilled out,

"I'm bisexual."

And he didn't say anything.

He just sat still, his weeping girlfriend in his arms, as he connected the dots throughout your relationship.

"Oh," he finally whispered before you removed yourself from his embrace slowly. "Do you still love me?" Spencer was quick to turn towards you upon hearing those words and place his hands on your tear-stained cheek.

"Oh Y/N, of course, I do! Come here." He kissed your forehead, then your cheek, then your other cheek before he pulled back, his own tears forming in his eyes.

"How could you think I could ever not?" You bit your lip, shaking slightly before whispering close to his face. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, don't be sorry, I'm not mad at you at all. I'm not upset or sad. I'm happy you told me. And if it's possible, I think I love you more."

'Wave of emotion' wasn't the proper term. Your feelings felt more like a tsunami of relief, happiness, and comfort as Spencer held your face in his hands.

His hands that wiped away your tears and rubbed your puffed lips. His hands that you missed holding across streets before guilt flooded your head. His hands that left your face to bring you back into a hug. A hug you practically leaped into.

"Thank you." You whispered, "You never have to hide yourself from me, Y/N. I'm always going to love you." He kissed your forehead again,

"No matter what."

You smiled hard into his sweater before pulling yourself up to look at him. Tears had fallen down his cheek before you wiped them for him, and he kissed your hand. "I've known for a while." You mumbled just enough for him to hear.

"Why didn't you tell me?" You didn't want to answer, but you knew you owed it to him to explain, "I'm not sure. I thought you would have thought this was me cheating on you, or you would have second thoughts about-"

You stopped when you saw the expression on his face. He listened intently but showed no signs of connection. In your silence, he explained himself. "I'm not having any second thoughts. You love me, right?"

It was a rhetorical question, but you still nodded your head feverishly. "Then that's all that matters; that we love each other." He smiled, bringing her close again.

"All of each other."

...

i wrote this pretty fast and proofread it in .04 seconds but i hope u like it :)

[avyssoseleison]

Hi! Please could you write a short hurt/comfort for destiel? I'm in an angsty mood and I'm not sure why

Woops, I hope you consider 2.2k ‘short’. And I hope you’ll feel better soon! ♥

“You feeling any better, Cas?” Dean asked into the dimness of the room, only illuminated by the hall lights behind him. From his vantage point, he could only vaguely make out the shape of Castiel on top of his comforter, spread out like a starfish and eerily still. The weird position probably would have made Dean laugh any other day, but he didn’t feel like laughing in that moment -- the images of the last hunt were still burned too freshly in his mind. Of himself being struck down by one of the harpies and almost torn from limb to limb, had Castiel not arrived in the nick of time, deftly striking them down with the wrath of God, and looking so fucking lost and shell-shocked right after.

Though, ‘wrath of God’ was probably the wrong phrasing, seeing as Castiel had completely lost his grace not so long ago, and was just as human, even if a bit more awkward, as the rest of them. 

Dean guessed that was also the reason for his dramatic position, and his withdrawal from all of them once they had finished the hunt. Down in the dirt with them all, it must have sucked to have had such close calls, whereas before, he could have smote them with so much as a glance.

“Go away, Dean,” Castiel said, and his deadpan delivery actually made Dean laugh.

“Alright, princess, but only if you tell me what’s wrong.”

Dean could see Castiel turning his face towards him, the light from the hallway briefly catching in his eyes. 

“Because you always tell me what’s wrong whenever you are suffering.”

“Alright, alright, alright,” Dean grumbled, feeling himself flush for some inexplicable reason. “Have it your way. I actually just came here to ask you if you wanted to come for dinner, but I’m guessing that Mr. Mopey Pants probably wants to eat about as much as he wants to talk.”

“That’s correct, Dean,” Castiel confirmed.

“Jesus,” Dean sighed to himself, regretting all of his life choices (as usually). Instead of doing the sensible thing and just walking away to let Castiel sulk by himself, he stepped into Castiel’s room and shut the door behind himself, extinguishing almost all of the outside light. Without bothering to turn on the ceiling light in return, he drew closer to the bed, stumbling in the darkness. Although he could not see with his eyes unadjusted to the lack of light, he knew the layout of the room well enough not to bump into anything -- besides, all he had to do was follow the always palpable existence of another human being in the room. Without so much as hitting his foot, his knees sank into the soft give of the mattress.

He wanted to sit down at the edge of the bed and have a calm and collected conversation with his best friend, as any normal person would do. What he wound up doing instead was not to stop there, for whatever reason: once his knees hit the bed, he suddenly found himself climbing on top of it, and since Castiel was all spread out on it, there was nowhere for Dean to go but on top of him. Not on top-on top of him, of course -- he did not press his body up against his, like some sexual fiend. No, all he did was try to lie down next to Castiel, and lied down on his arm and part of his thigh instead, though he tried to minimize the contact. However, he was apparently the only one interested in doing so because, despite their awkward positioning, Castiel made no move to withdraw from him and instead stayed rooted where he was, all spread out. 

As Dean adjusted his body, he thought he heard Castiel’s breath catch in the darkness, just so. For his own sanity, he decided to discard it.

“Cas, listen,” Dean began, “I know I’m not exactly the poster child for talking out your issues, but, uhm, I’m trying to do better. And encourage myself and other people to say when they got a problem. Be more open and all that. It’s a bit weird at first, I get it, but it does help.” That flush again, heating his skin. “Me, at least. It makes me feel better. Less alone, I guess. Less responsible for,” he made a throwaway gesture that could only be heard in the room, not seen, “everything, I guess.”

Castiel remained silent for a while, probaby mulling over Dean’s words. Then, he made a quiet sound of assent. “You do,” he agreed evenly, “feel responsible for everything.”

Dean could not help but groan. “Yeah, thanks, man. That wasn’t my point, though.”

“Yes,” Castiel said easily, “your point was that I should talk about whatever bothers me.”

Dean felt like rolling his eyes again. “If you got it, spare me your jokes.”

“Oh,” Castiel said, his arm twitching under Dean’s weight. He sounded surprised that Dean had gotten that his flat assessment had been an attempt at a joke and maybe a deflection -- as if Dean hadn’t known him long enough to be able to recognize his weird sense of humor that others often misunderstood as him being socially awkward.

“Yeah,” Dean huffed out, but there was no heat behind it. Just feeling Castiel’s arm and thigh under him was enough to keep him calm and somewhat endeared to the former angel, strangely enough. Maybe he needed to go out more.

“But,” Castiel began, pausing for yet another moment before commencing again, “but what if whatever bothers me is lying on top of me and trying to get me to talk about what bothers me?”

It took Dean a minute before he got what Castiel was driving at with his weird wording, and then he felt his body stiffening up. “You calling me a bother?” 

Right, he hadn’t come there to hear that kind of crap. If Cas wanted to be alone, then so be it.

Just as inelegantly as he had climbed onto the bed, he attempted to roll off of it. But before he could quite get up and leave the moody angel behind, there were hands grappling at his shoulder and hips, pulling him right back.

Dean grunted as he fell back against Castiel, who only tightened his grip to keep Dean in a weird kind of embrace. 

Suddenly finding himself winded, Dean could do nothing but stay where he was, Castiel’s arms around his chest and his face burrowed in his neck.

Cas smells so good, Dean thought in a moment of stupidity, incapable of not enjoying their unexpected proximity, Castiel’s hands and breath on his body. He wished they could stay like that forever, close and under cover of darkness, nothing but the two of them.

“Dean,” Castiel sighed, the warmth of the spoken name not just in Dean’s heart but also on his skin. “Do you have any idea what it felt like to see you like that?”

Dean, dumbly drunk as he was on Castiel, was far from understanding whatever Castiel was hinting at. “Wha--?”

“See you almost ripped asunder from those harpies, crying out and yelling my name--,” Castiel faltered, swallowing. 

Dean didn’t even remember calling out for Castiel specifically. He thought all he had done was scream and curse and hoping for either Cas or Sam to come and help him.

“And had they succeeded, there would have been nothing I could’ve done for you. I could not have healed you, put your body back together the way it belongs. The way it is right now.” 

With any other guy and under any other circumstances, the way one of Castiel’s hands suddenly roamed his body while the other held Dean tightly against his own body probably would have felt like someone trying to cop a feel against Dean’s will. Especially since Castiel did not exactly hold back, but panted as though holding back a sob while he touched any part of Dean’s body he could reach. As it was, Dean knew it wasn’t Cas’ intention to molest him or make him uncomfortable: it was self-reassurance, pure and simple. Something Dean understood instinctively, had needed more than enough times himself. Which was why he didn’t shy away or tell Castiel to stop. No, instead, he relaxed himself into his hold, and nuzzled back against his head.

“This what all of this is about, Cas?” Dean asked in a hoarse whisper. “You feel bad about not being able to mojo it all better anymore?” He could have probably been more precise in his words by asking if he felt bad about not being an angel anymore, but as much would have been understood; he did not mean to hurt Castiel any more than he already was hurting.

“I feel bad about seeing you like that,” Castiel deflected. Then, “I was scared when seeing you like that. Scared of losing you. And of being helpless to prevent it.”

There was a sudden lump in Dean’s throat. “You didn’t lose me, though. And you did prevent it.”

“Had I arrived even one moment later, Dean,” Castiel objected, pain thickening his voice, “then you would’ve lost an arm or two, or even your life. And I could not have healed you, restored your body. You might’ve died, Dean, and there would’ve been nothing I--”

That was about as far as he got because with a press of his lips, Dean cut him right off. Despite the shocked little noise that Castiel let out, he kissed back right away, his hand returning to angle Dean’s head to kiss him deeper, taste him wholly. 

It was Dean’s turn to be surprised when he felt Castiel’s tongue and lips immediately claim him that way, without any hesitation.

By the time they broke apart, both panting and staring at each other in the dimness, Dean had ended up with his back on the bed, Castiel hovering over him. 

“Don’t--,” Dean pressed out through heavy breaths, “don’t be a child, Cas. You didn’t come late -- in fact, you came at the exact right time to fucking save me. And you saved me with what you can do now, as a human, not as an angel. Without you, things might’ve gone downhill. Or they might’ve not. Who knows, maybe Sammy would’ve saved me.”

He could practically feel the frown above him.

“What I’m trying to say is: on a hunt, anything can happen. Might go good, and yeah, might go bad. It’s what we’re used to -- known all our lives. All we can do is give our best and hope it all pans out. And work with what we got. Same as you. Yeah, you can’t magically mojo all my injuries away, but you can kill any bitch with a blade like it’s nobody’s business. You’re quick and precise, and a damn asset to our hunts, if you ask me. And that’s what you should be focusing on. Thinking about the shoulda woulda coulda doesn’t help in any way -- think of what’s right in front of you, not what’s in the past or in the future. Ain’t nothing we can do anything about anyway. Well, not much, at least.”

Dean was proud of his little joke by the end there, but Castiel did not laugh. Did not even chuckle, that bastard. Instead, he made a contemplative noise as he listened and thought Dean’s words over again. 

“What’s right in front of me, huh?” Castiel reiterated thoughtfully, one of his thumbs tracing the line of Dean’s jaw and his lips.

Dean squeezed his eyes shut and fought against the urge to kiss that teasing finger. “Not exactly what I meant, but yeah.”

“To me, that’s exactly what you meant,” Castiel said, with unprecedented lightness. “To not dwell on how badly you could’ve been hurt and how you screamed my name, but on how whole you are right now, how alive, thanks to me, and how much pleasure you could still receive.”

Dean was glad that Castiel could not possibly see how flaming his cheeks must have been. “That an offer, Cas?” His voice came out much lower than he had been going for, which however seemed well enough.“‘Cause lemme tell you, if it is, I wouldn’t mind showing my savior how thankful I am. How fucking alive.”

“It could be,” Castiel replied, his voice dipping in kind.

Which was an unexpected turn of events, if Dean had ever experienced one, and he had actually experienced many. But, true to his own words, he should focus on what was in front of him. What had, in fact, been in front of him for a whole damn while now, he had just been too chickenshit to reach out for it. 

Not anymore, though. Instead of drawing back and laughing it all off, diminishing the heat and warmth he felt for the weirdo on top of him, he laid a hand on Castiel’s cheek, let out a sigh, and pulled him back into another kiss.

[futurewriter2000]

More than Family - pt. 1

A/N: OOOOO- Dude, I cannot even tell you how fun writing this was. Like forreal, I think I’m doing this from pure fun and humor. I think I had enough of angsty fics and just pour it all in. 

XX

You had managed to get this far. You had managed to get the most confusing answers you had ever heard in your life but still made it here. 

It was supposed to be here. He was supposed to be here. 

But it wasn’t. 

12 Grimmauld Place but all you could see was number 11 and 13. No number 12. 

You sat down on the bench with a poorly kept photo. 

Was all of this a goose chase? Did you give up everything for nothing? 

You kept staring at it, the blocks of Grimmauld Place. Number 11 and 13. 

You did give up everything for nothing. 

The realization hit you like a stone. Cold and heavy in your throat, down your chest and into the pit of your stomach. You felt like crying, tearing up but you managed to swallow that just as you did most of your life. You stood up from that bench and decided to leave. 

Your eyes were focused on the ground, slow steps, barely even taking them because all you could think about was your pure stupidity. Looking at the photo of the two and crumbling it in your palm. 

You were so furious, you could-

“Pardon.” a voice said as the owner bumped into your shoulder, making you look up and finding piercing grey eyes look at you apologetically before looking back forwards and rushing off. 

You unfolded the photo and stared at the photo, then back at the man who rushed off. “Wait...” you mumbled to yourself before staring at his figure turning to Grimmauld Place. “WAIT!” you shouted on the top of your lungs but he had ignored you. 

You ran after him, sprinting even. 

“WAIT!” you took his shoulder and turned him to you. His hand reached to his wand but he had not yet pulled it out. 

You were just a little girl. Around Harry’s age. A Muggle. No wand, no nothing but familiar. “Do I know you?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. 

You kept comparing the photo and the man in front. The similarity was uncanny. This was definetly him. 

But how do you tell him?

“Uh- no- or I don’t know-” you shuffled with your feet, looking away then back at him. “I’m your daughter.” you blurted it out, making him stare at you blankly. 

There it was. So simple. So fast. 

“You’re processing.” you nodded awkwardly, looking around. “I get it- looks like-”

“I’m sorry. There must have been a mistake. I do not have children.” he laughed, showing you his pearly white smile and turning you his back. 

“No- wait!” you rushed after him, shoving the photo in his face. “This is you and that is your brother!” you pointed your finger at him. 

Sirius looked at the photo but didn’t saw his brother. He saw James. 

“Where did you get that?” he grabbed the photo off your hands and took a closer look. 

The photo was taken years ago. In a bar probably- Muggle bar. Sirius thought back- the days he and James went to that bar, the waitress- THE WAITRESS!

“Bollocks!” he turned around, scanning you from head to toe. “Oh no, no, no, no, no!” he pointed his finger at you. “We used protection. There is no possible way you are my child.”

“Ew-” you grimaced, shaking your hands before realizing what he had said. “Oh! You know her! You remember her!”

“What?!” Sirius kept looking at you. 

“No, you don’t understand!” you took a few steps closer. “My name is (y/n). I was born in a hospital 17 years ago but my mother died a few days later with some complications but she named me!”

“Your mother was wrong. I- we-.” he shut his eyes and took a deep breath in. “I think you’re sweet and stuff but there is no possible way- just go back to your family.” he put his hands on your shoulders and squeezed them, before giving you a smile and turning away. 

“YOU CAN’T JUST WALK AWAY!” you shouted, tears pouring down your eyes as your heart squeezed. “I don’t have a family! You’re all I got!”

“Look! It doesn’t make sense!” he turned around. “If you were my child you would-” he shut his mouth, sewed it together before he would say anything he would regret. 

“I would what?” you kept looking at him. 

“You wouldn’t be a Muggle.” he said quietly but enough. The two of you looked each other, eyes yours filled with sorrow and his filled with comfort. 

“A Muggle-” you muttered to yourself, thinking back on every memory of some odd folks calling you that as you asked them questions. “I heard that- no I heard that but someone... someone said to me that I might not be a Muggle but a Squid, which is totally bizzare, because do I look-”

He laughed. “You mean a Squib?” 

“That’s pretty much what I said.”

“No, you said squid.”

“And you said squid.”

No, I said Squib- with a B.” he started to grow frustrated, finding your eyes watching him with perplexion. 

“That makes zero sense.”

“No, you saying you’re a squid-”

“Well, squid is a word and Squib is a word you made up-”

“Don’t you-” he pointed his finger at you and found you smirking at him. “Oh- you’re doing this on purpose.”

“I’m just trying to get to know you.”

“I’m not your dad.”

“Denial is the first stage.”

Sirius shot you a glare. “I am not in DENIAL!”

“You pretty much seem like you are.”

“You don’t have magic! As much as I hate my family, I have to say that our blood has never carried a Squib-”

“That you know of-” you pointed out, sassing him and making him frustrated even more. “Maybe I’m a special squid in this family.”

“Merlin, you’re not a squid- you know. I don’t even have to do this.” he raised his hands in defeat. “I have important things to do than hear you talk about being my daughter- which makes zero sense.” he started to walk away.

“You can’t just leave me!” you started following him. “Can’t you at least help me!” you shouted and he stopped, still facing you his back. “If you’re so sure you’re not my dad than why was this the only photo I was left with. You have something to do with my parents. Is the guy next to me my parent? Because as I almost died getting that birth certificate of mine, your name was on it! Yours! Sirius Orion Black!”

He didn’t say a word, still held himself stoic. You couldn’t see his expression, nor hear his thoughts but you knew you were getting more than you could ask for. 

“I just want to know who my parents are and if you’re not one of them, then you knew them- or something.” you shook your head and looked at the photo. “I just want to know where I come from and honestly, I need a place to crash too. I have nowhere to go to.”

“This world is too complicated for you.” he turned his head over his shoulder and walked back to you. He placed his hands on your shoulder, warm and gentle- feeling how safe it felt to you. “I don’t think your my kid and even if you are, I would want you to go back to your family because according to your clothes, look like you’ve been taken care for quite well-” he glanced down at your branded jacket and shirt, taking a glance of your silver jewelry. “You shouldn’t know about magic or us in general-” he started to pull out his wand. “It was nice meeting you and maybe someday you will get your answers but you need to forget about everything.” he drew out his wand that came into your sight, making your heartbeat pump faster as the tip of his wand touched your forehead.

But you felt it. You felt it in your bones that you do not want to go back. You did everything and so you smacked his hand away, letting the wand fall on the ground and roll away. Sirius looked at you with wide eyes, shocked by your actions and horrified by you running towards it. 

“Oh, bloody hell!” Sirius crused, gritting his teeth and running after you. “Come back here you little git!” 

“Wand? As in bippidy babiddy boo, I'll turn you into a pumpkin at midnight wand?” you grabbed it and waved it around a bit. You stopped to turn around, grabbing the wand on both sides and giving him a mischivious little smirk

"You wouldn't dare." Sirius pointed his finger at you and for a moment the two of you had just been watching each other until a familiar smirk appeared on your lips and snapped the wooden stick in half. He shut his eyes and tried to think of positive thoughts, yet all he did was open his eyes and found you watching him with a triumphant smile on your face. 

“This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening.” he kept muttering under his breath. “This just can’t be happening.”

“Woops.” you said, causing him to shot you a glare and  finding the red colour cover his pale skin. “So now what?” 

[yukachaan]

can i temp u with some one sided canon compliant makorin thoughts???? 😇

ohh yes, yes you can 👀

(sorry this turned out to be so long woops haha)

i think rin would totally crush on makoto since day one (even though he definitely doesn't realize it at the beginning). makoto is sweet and kind and soft spoken, and for some ~ mysterious ~ reason Rin wants to impress him (he doesn't give it much thought, at first, and just goes with his instincts, because he figures he just wants to make more friends and makoto is a nice guy, right?) that's part of the reason he's so competitive with haru from day one- yes, he wants them to swim together, but there's also a little part of him that gets irritated by how supportive makoto is being of haru, and wants to prove he's actually just as good (if not better!)

fast forward the angsty!rin years, he's back to being friends with everyone, back to hanging out with the iwatobi group, and suddenly those old feelings start to rise up inside of him. but now that he's older, he understands that what he feels for makoto is not only a friendship kind of love, it's something else, something different than what he feels for haru or nagisa.

it takes him a bit of time, but he accepts it for what it is: he's in love with makoto. and from the moment he realizes it, it's hard not to notice another fact: makoto is absolutely in love with haruka. it's frustrating and it hurts, but the one thing he never wants to do is hurt makoto. sweet, kind, beautiful makoto who cares for his friends so much and would definitely be upset by the thought of hurting rin in any way. so he says nothing, tries nothing. he's supporting both makoto and haru as best as he can, encouraging both of them. he's the first person to say to makoto that he thinks he can continue swimming professionally if he wants to, and when he sees how surprised makoto is by that statement, he can't help but feel a little mad. did haru never tell makoto that? did he never encourage him? tell him he's a great swimmer?

rin is also the first person makoto talks to about wanting to pursue a couching career, teaching kids how to enjoy swimming, the way he learned to love it. he's telling him this and rin just feels his entire body ache, because god he just loves this boy so, so much. He wants to give him the world, because he deserves nothing less. and when he asks "does haru know about this?" and makoto answers "no... i couldn't find a way to talk to him about it yet. i guess i was scared... i wanted to talk to you first," in his sweet, soft voice, rin can't help but take it as a win. even though he knows the reason makoto can't find a way to tell haruka that he's leaving for Tokyo is because it's more significant to him than telling rin, he likes to think that maybe, at least, he's makoto's number one supporter, someone makoto can rely on, someone makoto wants to come to and tell his most important news to. and it's not everything, but it's a lot, and he's willing to take it.

at this point though, he's starting to think that maybe he could be better for makoto than haru. haru seems cold towards makoto at times, rin is frustrated by haru's lack of support towards makoto. He doesn't seem to care about makoto the way makoto cares about him, or the way rin cares about makoto. rin has his mind half set on trying to actively win makoto's affection when he takes haru to Australia. but then, he sees what a wreck haru is about his fight with makoto, how he doesn't even want to swim because it's meaningless if makoto and him are fighting, it's meaningless without makoto. and rin understands, even though it hurts like hell to admit it even to himself, that haru and makoto love each other so much, and there's no way he can (or wants to) come between them. haru will always be makoto's number 1, and makoto will always be haru's. it hurts, but he's also happy for his friends. he's happy for makoto. all he wants is to see him keep his beautiful smile, and if he needs haru for that, he's willing to accept it :')

but it doesn't mean it's not hard for a long time. He still feels heartbroken. even though makoto never actually rejected him, the feeling of rejection still sits heavy in his stomach.

but time passes, and when he's sitting on the beach with haru and makoto and makoto is telling them about his new goal of becoming a trainer, and says he wants to support both haru and rin, something inside him finally settles. even though makoto will never love him in a romantic way, he'll always love rin as a friend, he'll always want to support him and be in his life, and for the first time in forever, it feels like it's enough :')

[chaoticneutralwriter]

Interlude: Second Best

long·​ing | \ ˈlȯŋ-iŋ : a strong desire especially for something unattainable guardian demon!Jimin x reader genre: fluff, romance, angst, comedy, supernatural word count: 4.9k Related works: See Masterlist under guardian demon!Jimin POV switch for Jamais Vu A/N: IT’S ANGSTY LOLLL woops and a little longer than i had planned tbh but i hope you enjoy it all the same, because this will give you some insight when the tone shifts in the next couple of chapters :DD Again, thank you SO SO SO much for the wait and support! I love you all!! I hope you like this chapter! 💜💜💜🥺🥺🥺 (also, without meaning to, The Truth Untold really fits as an OST here... LOL)

Tag: @cherryjiminiee​ @kokobaekkie​ @breathebangtan​ @itsadoozie​ @thatshylatinagirl​ @chiminieboi​ @azulamakesmeblank​ @sectumsemptae @awkwardwookie @aduky @poisonseashell @shortannoyingginger @caramelmac-chiato @sana-b

He needs to stop doing that.

Tempting himself with little touches whenever he gets the chance. They’re harmless enough but he might as well be dissecting his own heart at an excruciatingly slow pace.

But he’s come to know by now that he doesn’t have much sense when it comes to you.

Jimin moves through the crowd like a phantom, passing by without so much as a second glance from anyone despite your lack of trust with his choice of attire. To others, he’s just another traveler trying to get to where they need to go. And right now, he’s shadowing you, eyes trained on the back of yours and your friend’s head. He’s got a clear view even when Jimin is a good twenty or so steps back and there’s a wall of people separating him from you, keeping well to his word that he would be discreet enough that you won’t even notice him.

He watches from a far as you and your friend are excitedly chattering away with two girls whom you have never met before as if you have always known them. The entire interaction makes his lips curl with an amused smile. Under different circumstances, Jimin would think it all stupid; not really understanding how ridiculously trusting you were being just because you all shared a common love for a group of musical artist yet somehow, seeing you makes it strangely wholesome.

It’s in those moments that he chances a glimpse of what humanity could be but ultimately choose not to.

Jimin eventually leaves you, weirdly confident that you’re in good hands as he hails an airport limo. One almost immediately pulls up beside him, the man hastily getting out.

“Good morning sir, where are we heading off to today?” The driver asks as he comes around to pull the door open for Jimin to duck in, gliding into the seat.

“The Ritz-Carlton, downtown.”

The man nods in acknowledgement, shutting the door once he’s sure Jimin is settled before jogging back to the driver’s seat. The drive there is quiet, something the demon is thankful for because he’s not in a particular mood to humour anyone. He takes the time to slip the black surgical mask off, finally feeling the cooler air hit against his warmer skin. He exchanges it for a pair of shades he pulls from his duffle, slipping them on before he crosses his arms, sighing deeply and sinks into the plush leather.

The traffic gets noticeably more congested the closer the car comes to the downtown area so it takes a while before the entrance to the hotel comes into view. Jimin hands off a couple of bills to the driver when he opens the door for him again, hauling his duffle bag and jacket as he steps out. The driver courteously bids him a good day but Jimin only has half the mind to offer a grunt in response, heading off into the lobby in long strides to the front desk where a man in a pristinely pressed suit greets him. He’s quickly given the keys to his room and is escorted to the lifts, the bellhop offering to take his things but Jimin waves a dismissive hand, keeping to himself as much as possible.

By the time he gets to his suite, he’s feels unreasonably weary and all but tosses his duffle bag carelessly to the foot of the king size bed along with his shades to collapse into the soft embrace of Egyptian cotton sheets. Jimin shuts his eyes for a moment, hands coming up to rub the bridge of his nose as another deep exhale leaves him.

If he was a normal human being, Jimin shouldn’t be feeling this tired since for majority of the plane ride, he had fallen into quite a deep slumber. But since he’s in fact not a human being, it only raises concerns. Lately, he’s noticed that he’s been sleeping a lot more — way more than a demon should be doing considering they don’t sleep at all (it’s viewed as more of a leisure activity to do rather than something that’s required) and if he’s not sleeping, he’s constantly feeling like he’s got a bad case of lethargy. It’s troubling and also irritating as hell, but Jimin already suspects its the unfortunate byproduct of having completed two acts of the five he needs to do.

And has no idea how to do the rest.

His eyes slip open then, brows furrowing with dark obsidian orbs glaring into the cream coloured ceiling like it would give him the answers. The second act was a stroke of luck on his part, Jimin thinks; a matter of being in the right place at the right time and for very good reasons. He can’t imagine accomplishing the rest in the same manner.

Running a hand through his hair, Jimin contemplates a little longer until he huffs out an agitated sigh. As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, it won’t do him to mull over this problem endlessly, figuring that he can be at least thankful that there doesn’t seem to be any particular deadline (knock on wood). Glancing at the beside clock, he sees the red numbers reading 1:36PM and idly wonders if you’re still at the venue no doubt soaking in all the excitement and activity going on.

A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips, already imagining you, eyes alight with the biggest grin on your face as you try to take everything in. Finally, he hauls himself to sit up, giving his neck a few stretches before he gets off the bed to make his way to the en suite bathroom. With so much time to waste, Jimin hopes that a cold shower would help wash away a bit of his fatigue, quite literally. Besides that, he hasn’t felt any intense negative emotions from you which more than likely means everything is fine, for now.

He half-heartedly shuts the door, reaching up to grasp his shirt from the back of his neck to pull over his head. The black tee is dropped to the floor without much care, along with the rest of his clothes. He passes by the mirror, catching a glimpse of himself and though it was brief, the image reflecting back at him made him grimace all the same.

The natural glow on his skin had long since dulled, making him appear as if Jimin hadn’t seen the sun in months, the ghost of blue veins and bruises peeking from beneath made even more visible from how pale he’s become. The tattoo crest over the left side of his chest is faded, almost in a way where the ink is slowly being rubbed off a little bit more each day — another indication of his reduced powers. He’s lost a bit of weight, most noticeably around his face and although it’s defined his jawline significantly, his cheeks are at risk of hollowing out soon.

It’s only truly been a day, and yet now he is nothing more than a withering, duller version of who he’s supposed to be.

A cheap imitation.

He scoffs, a humourless sort of laugh. How ironic it is that he’s come to care more on what’s supposed to be a very superficial part of being a demon, perhaps even found meaning to.

When he steps into the clear glass shower stall, Jimin turns the water until it runs ice cold before stepping under. He inhales sharply at the first contact, the shock in the temperature hitting against his more warmer skin but he quickly grows numb to it, grateful for the way the water seems to ease the discomfort growing along his shoulder blades. Jimin doesn’t know how long he stands there, eyes shut and lulled by the sounds of the running shower beating down on him and echoing around in the enclosure.

It’s a temporary respite from his thoughts and when he finally decides to shut the water off, he feels a little more alert. He towels himself off, wrapping one around his slim waist as he heads back into the large bedroom to grab a change of clothes from his duffle.

Once he’s dressed, he dries his hair and by the time he’s done, the clock reads near five. The show starts in two and a half hours, he supposes he should get a scope of the venue. Grabbing the black surgical mask, Jimin secures the ends behind his ears, preparing to apparate to the arena when —

He stops midstep.

Ah, right.

A rush of air leaves his nose, cocking his head as your words replay in his head. He already hears your chastising tone with them too.

He quietly chuckles to himself, then continues walking, heading to his door.

With as much discretion as he could manage (okay, he might’ve cheated here and there by cloaking himself), he makes it to the venue which wasn’t so bad of a walk from the hotel. No one pays attention to him, with the hood of his pullover drawn up he was just another faceless person in the passing crowd. It only really got trickier the closer he came to the epicentre of it all.

He sticks to the shadows and less populated spots, staying out of sight and blending in wherever he can. There are still some large crowds gathered at some of the booths, trying to take advantage of the quickly dwindling number of patrons who have already moved on to getting into the arena. Others are running as fast as their feet can carry them, racing against time in whatever it is they needed to do while it seems like eighty percent of the concert goers are in a line, excitedly chatting and impatient to have the show start. It’s a hubbub of activity, boisterous and charged with energy that even Jimin has a bit of a struggle orienting himself. So not much later, he slinks towards the side alley of the building where the crowds tend to avoid.

It grows a little quieter the further he moves down the path, the jumble of voices becoming more muffled. The asphalt paving is cracked in numerous places with some giving way to potholes that Jimin can only guess is from how often trucks carrying equipment for events pass through here, or even ones meant to empty the dumpsters pressed up against the walls. Weeds sprout long and thin against them in bunches, pushing tenaciously through the cracks and somehow still managing to grow in spite of the lack of good soil. The poor upkeep alone is enough to deter anyone from wandering back here, which means Jimin can peacefully explore the area.

His strides slow without the rushing need to remain hidden, strolling along the alley before his eyes come across a door right beside one of the large dumpsters, perfectly situated so that it’s almost concealed. It lacks any handle, the only thing visible was a metal plate ridge on the side and a silver keyhole. Jimin supposes this meant that the door opens one way, probably for employees to quickly throw out the trash but otherwise is not by any means a point of entry.

Perfect.

He takes one more glance around, makes sure no one is looking and then with all of his concentration, phases through. Immediately his senses are bombarded by the booming of the bass as well as the far off distant hustle of people, but he pushes all of it aside in trying to shake off the fuzzy haze clouding his sight and the light thrumming in his head. Jimin presses a palm to his forehead, shutting his eyes with gritted teeth until the feeling subsides and he straightens himself, a little flabbergasted.

Fuck, this is going to suck.

He pushes the disconcerting fact that phasing through a door was enough to make him dizzy, focusing on doing what he came here to do; find a loophole in security and make sure you won’t get hurt at any point during the night — easy.

With light steps, Jimin makes his way out of the corridor, coming into an area spacious enough to have golf carts driving through (no sooner had he thought that, one goes zooming by). It vaguely reminds him of an underground parking garage except less…dingy. There are a few people walking about, busy with their heads down engrossed in their phones or sheets of papers in their hands and he easily recognizes them as part of the crew from the lanyards that dangle around their neck. A pretty, pastel coloured thing that easily catches his eye against the mostly all black uniform they sport.

He walks for a bit, almost as if entranced by the muffled songs and distant cheers that echo all around him until he comes across the hallway leading to the artist waiting room. It’s much busier and noisier, people scuttling in and out with multiple voices giving orders, updates, laughing, calling out for others in Korean and…is that singing?

The more Jimin listens, the more he picks out the melodic flow of a scale being sung, ranging from high, airy lilting tones to much more deep and richer timbres. He recognizes the tunes, songs you play when you study, get ready for the morning or unconsciously hum under your breath — songs that have grown on him.

Gradually, the singing becomes louder and suddenly Jimin sees an entourage of people exiting out of a room all at once. He instinctively side steps back until he’s concealed by the shadows offered by a large pillar, continuing to watch the scene unfold in front of him that way.

They stand out amongst the many staff members crowding them and not just because they’re dressed in absurdly black sparkly suits. Hair immaculately styled and complexion as pore-less as porcelain, Jung Hoseok, otherwise known as J-Hope, strolls out adjusting his headset before brushing his hands down on his jacket, straightening it out as a woman dabs finishing powder delicately on the tip of his nose. Quick to follow is Kim Taehyung, or V, still doing vocal warm-ups as he comes to stand beside the older member to wait for the others. They’re strikingly handsome in their own distinct ways, Hoseok with his high cheekbones and swooping nose bridge that makes for an arresting side profile while Taehyung with a round face tapering down to a strong jawline and near symmetrical features makes for a face that seems too unreal to be true.

A small part of him is aware that he shouldn’t be lingering like this because the unspoken rule is that a demon should never confront or even come into close proximity of the one they’re masquerading as for very obvious reasons. It’s risky and puts him in danger but there’s a morbid curiousity that’s gnawing at him, compelling him to stay and it’s not long before he sees him.

The owner of the sweet lilting voice that sounds much like his own, yet not at the same time.

Dressed much like his waiting members, BTS’ Park Jimin emerges from the artist waiting room, one hand shoved into his pants pocket, strides so languid and purposeful that one can mistaken the plain, industrial hallway to be a high fashion catwalk instead. He’s singing softly but puts emphasis on certain phrases to get the pitch right, sometimes repeating as if he’s not satisfied with the way it sounds. He’s practically glowing, hair a halo of rich honey blond, styled and coiffed to show his face which is made up of a myriad of contradictions — soft full cheeks are paired with a sharp jaw, full lips and slightly puffy eyes that can drown anyone with a sultry gaze; the perfect balance of lust and innocence.

As a demon, even he has to admit he’s impressed.

Hoseok makes a noise of appraisal, scanning the younger over and it makes a smile bloom, eyes scrunching until they disappear before he gives a light shove to the older man’s shoulder, giggling in clear embarrassment. A playfulness takes over the small group, conversation flowing easily with a few teases thrown here and there that anyone could see the strong familial bond the boys share amongst each other.

It’s so strange, he thinks, watching them as if through a looking glass with his eyes fixated on this person who’s very much real, living out a completely different life than his, beloved by all and equally admired by many.

Someone who you love.

That alone should ignite a jealous flame that consumes him, and yet the only one who he’s spiteful of is himself.

“Oh Jimin are those new earrings?” Taehyung says, reaching a finger out to brush the thin silver chains hanging from the small hoop they’ve been threaded through.

“Ah yeah, I wanted to try out a new style so I combined two of them.”

“They look good.”

Jimin preens at the compliment, a smug grin stretching across his lips as he shakes his head a little, making the earrings twinkle in the light. As his head lolls to one side, something catches his eye for a brief second, making him straighten at attention, smile faltering. The sudden shift startles his friend.

“Why? What’s up?” Taehyung asks, eyes impossibly wide as they flit from Jimin’s face to where his friend’s gaze is trained.

The blond blinks, mouth parted to speak but finds trouble in trying to describe what he saw out of the corner of his eyes. “I— Just now, I thought I saw a person….by the pillar there. But…I couldn’t really tell.”

Boldly, Taehyung takes steps around so that he could get a better angle of the pillar but remain at a safe distance, leaning his weight fully to one side in hopes of catching whatever it is that Jimin thinks he saw, but all there is is just a shadow being cast.

“There’s nothing there Jimin-ah… Maybe you were imagining it? Are you that nervous?”


“No I’m not!” Jimin punches Taehyung lightly, the gibe taking the edge off a little but just to give himself his own peace of mind, Jimin takes a look as well, finding nothing in the space behind. He doesn’t know what to make of it however, he’s not given the time to mull over it because the rest of his group mates show up and they finally start heading to the stage lift, their eagerness and seemingly boundless energy carries him away, reminding him of other more important matters at hand.

Admittedly though, he can’t help but still feel a little in disbelief over it because he could’ve sworn there was someone watching him.

-

The show gets under way splendidly, the level of excitement palpable even from where he’s hidden. During that time, the demon has made his way to a spot right at the corner under the catwalk, the low lighting and barricade helps in making it easier for him to blend in as the silhouettes of the security guards posted around the perimeter, rarely having to conceal himself using his powers. Jimin has spotted you a couple of times, your figure peeking in between others and every time he sees you, you’re having the time of your life. The ever-changing spotlights cast pretty colours on you, dancing over your face and making the smile you had seem to radiate even more.

He finds himself caught up in watching you rather than the amazing performance thousands of other people have their eyes fixated on.

The only time he stops is when you push yourself through the crowd in order to get a better view of the idol he’s impersonating. It’s hard not to when the young man does such a brilliant job at commanding the stage, filling it up in spite of performing alone. He watches on, fascinated yet unable to for long as it only stirs up complicated feelings at having to face what he so painfully lacks.

You on the other hand, are completely enraptured; eyes focused and trying to drink in the image of him as much as they can but past the open awe and adoration, Jimin picks up on something that he can’t quite seem to place — something he can only describe as melancholy, like you’re already starting to miss the idol despite him being right in front of you. He doesn’t understand why.

As the music switches up, so does the mood as the hype level rises astronomically. The band members have the whole arena up on their feet, jumping, dancing and singing (or screaming?) to the lyrics. The atmosphere is hot and in more ways than one, with all the lights and the numerous bodies moving in one mass. Jimin swears everyone has worked up a sheen of sweat, even himself who’s yet to really move a muscle. At one point, he had actually snuck a water bottle for a drink, the growing humidity almost suffocating.

He tries to focus in on his heartbeat which seems to beat in sync to the heavy bass but the flashing lights and loud cheers make it hard, his senses bombarded. It takes a while before eventually the staccato thrumming in his chest slows until it doesn’t feel like it would burst through his ribs. It tapers off to a much steadier rhythm, almost as if he were deep in sleep.

But then it continues to slow even further.

Alarmed, Jimin’s hand flies up to press against the spot in search of a pulse, breath suddenly coming out short to find that he can barely feel it there. For a moment, he’s confused until a chill runs through him that makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand. His immediate reaction is to look for you, eyes searching frantically in the crowd. It frustratingly takes a while as he realizes he’s lost you a bit but eventually he finds you and what he sees makes his stomach drop.

You’re slightly hunched over like you’re fighting to keep yourself upright on weak knees, standing out so clearly amongst the sea of moving bodies. When you manage to straighten yourself, he catches sight of your flushed cheeks and heaving chest, the sheen of sweat reflecting off of the strobing light and not helping with your feverish look.

And then your eyes roll back and you’re tipping over.

His mouth falls open and the shout that slips past falls on deaf ears, smothered by the music and incessant screaming. Jimin’s reaching out before he could even think about the risk of being found, his panic driving him as he sees you being swallowed by the crowd, the bodies intermingling and threatening to close in around you and make him lose sight of you. It all seems to be happening in slow motion, but what he doesn’t realize is that he’s the one who’s causing the time distortion, his desperation manifested.

In those long seconds, JImin moves purely on instincts, teleporting himself in short bursts to reach you and soon as he feels his hand close around your wrist, he apparates the both of you with every ounce of magic he can summon.

There’s a whistling of air in his ears and the next second, he’s crash landing against a brick wall. His back hits it hard, crumpling to the ground instantly and he lets out a low groan, teeth gritting as his eyes screws shut at the pounding in his head. Everything aches, his body screaming at him from the strain but the only thing Jimin cares about is the fact that he’s managed to take most of the brunt force of his sloppy landing from you who’s safely cradled in his arms.

Fighting through the pain, he immediately directs his attention down at you, blinking away the black spots in his vision hastily.

“Hey…!” Jimin calls out, voice gravelly and still breathless. He shoves down the mask covering his mouth, the first touch of cooler air a relief against his warm, damp skin and it feels like he’s properly breathing now. He cups a hand to your clammy cheek, not liking how the colour seems to have been drained from them as he checks for a pulse, which thankfully is still strong. He brushes the hair away from your face, propping you up in a more comfortable position, softly murmuring words of encouragement even if you might not hear them.

Jimin’s not exactly sure if he should be doing something more drastic than simply hope that you would wake on your own but luckily he didn’t have to resort to such measures when he sees your lids begin to flutter. Slowly, your eyes slip open and though you’re clearly very out of it still, Jimin already feels the pressure on his chest alleviate.

“Y/N….? Hey Y/N, can you hear me?”

It takes a minute before the focus returns in your gaze a little more, but Jimin waits patiently. He takes the time to do a once over on you, noting that your complexion is gradually getting better and from the looks of it, you didn’t seem to sustain any external injuries, much to his relief.

“Ji…Jimin…?” Your voice comes out raw and cracked, drawing his attention at the first call of his name.

No, not yours.

His brows furrow as he pushes away the intrusive thought, his first priority being to make sure you were okay. Jimin uncaps the water bottle in his hoodie pocket, gently feeding it to you until you found your strength, taking and gulping down the rest at an impressive speed.

“Slow down cherub…”

At least you were resilient, he thinks.

The next few moments were spent letting you rest and recuperate. When you were more clear headed, he fills you in on how you ended up out here in the side alley of the arena however, what soon followed after wasn’t something that he had meant to happen.

Maybe it was partially his fault, not truly realizing how high his emotions ran but the way you had shot to your feet, legs only barely holding you up and your first thought was getting back to the arena as quickly as you can, completely disregarding the state you were in all for the sake of…what? Getting a glimpse of your idol? At what cost?

Whatever it was, he would not stand for your recklessness and blind loyalty to the point where you will endanger yourself.

But no matter how hard he tries, his words doesn’t reach you and the mounting frustration builds until it has the both of you screaming at each other.

“Can you just lay off?! I’m fine!”

“You can barely hold yourself up! I’m not letting you put yourself in danger!”

“I DON’T CARE!”

“Y/N LOOK AT ME!”

That was the last straw for Jimin, hands grasped on either of your shoulders as if he could shake some sense into you. You’re both panting, out of breath from the exertion but you’re finally looking at him. He takes in the way your pupils tremble, whether from fright or from nerves, and the way they shine as if with unshed tears.

Why?

There’s a desperation in them, so intense that it almost scares Jimin but no matter how much he gazes into your irises, the question still remains….

“Why….?”

He whispers unconsciously, the one word ringing loud between you, even above the echoing cheers. You don’t respond immediately, overtaken by a flurry of emotions that flit through your eyes so quickly that Jimin has trouble discerning them. Your mouth opens and closes a few times, sentences starting but dying before you can get the rest of the words trapped in your throat out until ultimately, you give up.

You turn away, eyes downcast as he hears you utter weakly, “Forget it…Please, you— you wouldn’t understand….”

He freezes, the statement seeming to pierce through him with a flooding of realizations; the images of you all starstruck as you watch Jimin, the idol, performing come rushing back to him so vividly it’s like he’s reliving it again. And it’s then that he is reminded of the fact —

It’s Jimin who dances with such poise and grace.

Jimin who sings with a voice that entrances thousands, millions.

Jimin who shines on stage, with a sweet smile, a gentle aura and a warm heart.

Not him.

No, he won’t ever be as good as the original Jimin. Especially not now, given how he’s not even sure what he is anymore.

He notices your hand clenching tightly at your side, how withdrawn you are from him and it’s made clear that he's not winning this fight – maybe even foolishly thinking he had that chance to begin with.

He steps back, away from you in resignation, acceptance. “You’re right…. I wouldn’t…”

With nothing more to say, you leave and he only watches until you disappear from his sights. Left to his thoughts, he retreats back into the dark of night, a place of comfort and familiarity.

Perhaps it’s better this way, to have you long for and love the image of idol Jimin, someone much more fitting to be a light in your life and for him to remain the shadow that follows you from afar. This way, you'll be much happier.

Even when, deep down, he wishes so selfishly for you to call him by his true name.

[sleepdeprivedheretic]

can you write headcanons of hawks falling for a girl whose parents are emotionally abusive?

 I’m up for writing a little bit of angst, Anon, but well as fluff~  I made it a high school setting, though

  Warning: Emotional Abuse,

You were so sweet and kind and friendly at school. At first glance, nobody knew that you had put up a barrier around your heart, not letting anybody get really too close.

He saw it, though. The way you’d blanche a little at helpful criticism, cower a little with tense muscles when there were loud noises, and avoided conflict/drama like the plague. He knew all too well.    

He knew what it was like, because he had shitty parents, too. He knew that you were trying to hide it, and you did fairly well in doing so.

 You kept acting air-headed and light hearted around your friends, avoiding to put your own two cents in when they brought up rumors, and although happy and peppy, you were kind of shy.

He couldn’t just not step in, you know? Blunt confrontation wouldn’t really help you, so he did what he, a teenager in this scenario, thought was best.   

He’d compliment you daily. “You scored 90% on that math test? That’s amazing, y/n.”, “Oh, you got that part-time job? I’m proud of you.”, and “Your smile is pretty today, y/n.”

Although he wasn’t flirting with you, he wanted to make sure that you were doing okay. You were a good kid, whoever caused you to act like this, he wanted to find out.

He hung out with you regularly. He knew that you didn’t fully trust him, and that was okay. He’s not a stalking creep, so he’ll let you open up on your own terms.

He found himself genuinely liking your company. You seemed to relax around him, and your true colors were sweeter than your high school persona. He tried to get you to be more lax around other people, but he didn’t want to push it.

He liked low-key spoiling you. He couldn’t help it. He did it subtly, like getting the both of you chicken strips, telling you that he accidentally had gotten too much, or he’d go out of his way to make sure that you were okay during classes as he walked with you, as if he was guarding you from the loud, obnoxious laughter and noises.   

One day you asked him if he wanted to hang out at your place and play video games. He was a little surprised, and you were a little hesitant, but happily agreed.

When the two of you reached your home, he noticed that the atmosphere shifted.

“Oh? I didn’t know that you were bringing a friend. I thought you didn’t have those.” Your mother quipped in a sugary tone. You blanched, but Keigo’s eye twitched. So that was your problem. Little did he know, it was going to get a little worse.

The two of you hung out in the living room as you took turns playing Super Mario Brothers. It was fun, but at the same time, it wasn’t. Your parents were in the kitchen, just in ear shot as they tried to act civil, but let a few snide remarks slip past during the afternoon.

“y/n, it’s time for your friend to leave. You told us that you had homework to do.” Your father said. You blanched. “I never said such a thing.” You admitted, because it was a Sunday, and you finished it all on Friday. Your father wasn’t making any sense.

His voice raised a little, calling you a liar, and you couldn’t help but flinch. It took a lot of willpower on Keigo’s part to stay calm.

It didn’t take a genius to know that your father was gas-lighting you, or putting words in your mouth, and then acting like you were the culprit.   

Keigo felt a little sick, as well as fury. The old bag was pulling a cheap trick right in front of your friend, so he knew that it had gotten probably worse when you were alone with your parents.  

He knew that he couldn’t do anything. Well, there was one thing that he could do, but he had to talk to you in private about it. He gave you a sympathetic look. He didn’t want to leave you here, but he had to return home.

He mocked saluted your parents, thanking them for having him over in an almost, almost sarcastic tone while he mentally cussed them out and called them every name in the book. He patted your shoulder and gave you a really warm smile, hoping to reassure you mentally that he still wanted to be your friend.

He wouldn’t allow you to avoid him when school came. He didn’t know how much protective he felt about you until recently, and he was boiling with inner fury at your parents. So, he sat you down, and looked at you dead in the eye.

“Move in with me.” You were at lost. What? He continued. “You’re not the only person who has crappy parents. I had to find a job and get my own apartment to get away from them. You’re eighteen, right? So legally you can move in with me. You don’t have to do this, but I can’t stand to see you torture yourself any longer.” He admitted freely.

You were a little confused, but he explained on what he saw, and he knew what was happening. He didn’t want to scare you, but he needed you to make an ultimatum to help yourself, and the only way he knew how was to get you out of that situation.

You didn’t want to burden him. You did want to move away and never speak to your parents for a while, but you couldn’t do that to Keigo.

“Dove, the only way you could ever “burden” me, is to continue letting your parents treat you like garbage. I worry about you, and you don’t know when or if that crap’s going to turn physical. So please.” He begged.

You caved. He was such a good friend to you, and you knew that he was right. You didn’t want to end up in the hospital, one day because you overstepped your boundaries with your parents. He was glad that you were safe.

When moving out, he told you to call the police and tell them that you were getting your things, and you didn’t want any trouble with your parents. Legally, he said, you could do that, and your parents can’t do anything about it. You are of age, no longer legally a child, and so you have every right to your own belongings.

Of course your parents were furious when the police showed up, but they could only hold their tongue and steam in anger as Keigo gave them a haughty smirk as he helped pack your stuff in his car. You were finally free, and he was going to make sure you never felt that way again.

Bonus: With your part time job, it was easier to pay the bills. He and you shared chores and bills, and took turns cooking. He didn’t really know how, but he liked watching you. He liked you, and it was pretty obvious.

He never made you feel obligated or uncomfortable to do certain chores or tasks, and he was always quiet with the noises.

The both of you graduated, and gotten better jobs. He did realize that he was in love with you, and confessed.

If you refused, he’d understand, while the two of you rented separate places. He’d always keep in touch and see how you’re doing.

If you accepted his feelings, the two of you rented a better place and lived as a healthy and happy couple.

No matter what the ending, he’d still be your best friend and emotional support system, going to some therapy sessions with you and help you stay clear from your parents.

I hope you liked it, Anon! <3  Wow, this is longer than I thought 0-0. I couldn’t help myself and tripped into some fluff, woops. If you want it more angsty, let me know. I’m trying to write more of it, but I’m not good at it >-> Somehow fluff just keeps appearing outta nowhere :/   

[the-madame21]

In the Heart of the Storm

Sooooo I wanted to do some raunchy little Karlheinz smut but it ended up into this dark angsty oneshot instead lol. Also I guess I have a new DL OC woops XD Meet Ananke Krone, the original First Blood Demon. She can see the future and manipulate time, and she’s stronger than Karlheinz. I guess the vibe I was going for here was star-crossed lovers lol. Enjoy!

Karlheinz threw open the door, shocked to find nothing in her room. The balcony doors had been left open, the curtains rolling in the gentle breeze of the rising sun. He stepped towards it, glancing over at the large bed that seemed untouched, reaching out to bring the curtains towards his nose.

It still smelled like her. And this balcony still looked over the rolling mountains, and the sun still shone through the leftmost corner.

“I knew you’d come, today.”

He let the curtain slip from between his fingers, Karlheinz turning to meet a golden gaze framed by silver locks. Like a grey sky caught alive by lightning. How long had it been, since he’d heard that siren’s song of a voice?

“I assumed you would,” he returned, fingering the curtains again. “No storm for me?”

“You’ve yet to excite me,” she declared.

Karlheinz smiled, stepping up to her. “Is that a new dress?” He took it between his fingers, the fabric thin against his palm.

“About two centuries old. You’d know if you came more often.”

“You know precisely why I can’t,” he whispered, placing his hand over her slim stomach. She inhaled, straightening, her eyes finally meeting his own. A shadow fell over the room, and Karlheinz knew the sun had slipped between the clouds. She gripped at his wrist, finally releasing her breath, “Don’t speak of such taboos—”

“But the thought excites you, doesn’t it? Bearing a child that would destroy everything,” he dropped his lips to her ear, “until there’s nothing left in this world but us.”

“It’d destroy us as well,” she replied coldly, her eyes starting to glow.

Karlheinz had always quite liked the way those golden eyes glowed. “Ah,” he smiled, brushing his knuckles against her cheek, “are you seeing it now?”

She blinked rapidly, a faint smile spreading along her lips. “Destruction. And agony. A future without an ounce of hope.”

“So beautifully depressing,” he murmured, breath fanning over her red lips. “There’s nothing beautiful in it,” she returned, sucking in his breath and batting her lashes once more.

“There’s beauty in you,”  he said, and finally, he kissed her. A soft press of his lips to hers. “Naturally, there’d be beauty in that child. Even if they do bring an end to it all.”

“Two centuries we’re kept apart,” she scoffed, voice small and eyes shining with tears, the sky grower darker and darker, “and you come to me with talk of the end, and nothing more than a chaste kiss to my parched lips?”

“Is that not enough to please you, my love?”

Lightning flashed, and Karlheinz counted the almost comical length of time before the thunder finally rolled. “Not in the least,��� her lips trembled.

“Then command me,” he breathed, wrapping one arm around her waist, his other hand bringing her palm up to his lips. “For I am, and always will be, your humble servant.”

“How many women have you coaxed with such sweet words?”

“How many men have you entranced with those bewitching eyes?”

Gold flashed again, a soft drizzle beginning to patter on the balcony behind them. She smiled, “Two centuries is a long time, Karlheinz.”

He cupped her face, “Far too long.” This kiss was not nearly as humble as the last, thunder rolling one more time as the rain got stronger. He lifted her easily, as though she weighed nothing, and Karlheinz reveled in the way she gasped into his mouth, her delicately cold fingers stretched out across his cheeks.

Carrying her to the bed, and then draping her carefully across it, he drank in the sight of her, let the sound of rain drown out any other thoughts that weren’t her. “Karlheinz,” she purred, not quite panting, but her chest rising and falling just the same, the fabric tight against her skin.

“Yes, my love?”  Already, he was lowering his lips to her chest, peppering kisses over the soft mounds of her breasts.

“I like this dress,” she fingered through his hair, long nails titillating his scalp. He licked along her collarbone, nibbling without piercing the skin.

“And yet you wore it, today.”

“I wanted you to see it.”

Again, he kissed the tops of her breasts, before pulling away, so that he might gaze upon her. “It looks lovely on you, my dear.”

“Do you mean it?”

He kissed her, tongue rolling over her lips, silently asking for permission to bite. “To you, I’ve never lied.”

Her hands were on his cheeks again, sharp nails poking at his skin, “Because you can’t.”

Sliding his hands down her waist he chuckled, rising over the bumps of her curves to squeeze at her thighs. “Might I ruin this dress of yours?”

“Two centuries I’ve waited for you to see it, and now you’ll ruin it with nothing more than a tired glance.”

He entwined his fingers with hers, bringing them up to kiss, and to tug at her skin with his fangs, “Patience has never been my virtue.”

“Have you anything you can call a virtue? Lord Karlheinz Sakamaki, Demon Tyrant of the Underworld?”

He stared into her eyes, feeling the sting of her words and the truth that they held, the ever present truth that she held, because she was truth, and lie, and virtue and vice, and everything that fell in between.

“Yes,” he answered. “I’m looking at her.”

The sky darkened, and the rain stopped. Because she wept instead.

“To be so beautiful when you cry,” Karlheinz smiled, wiping her tears, “you should have been born an angel.”

“What difference is there between angels and demons,” she scoffed, blinking them away. “You should have been born a mortal.”

“You’d curse me with such a fate?”

“I’d bless myself with that fate. Having to watch you destroy everything I’ve built—”

“You know I must. You know more than anyone—”

“Do not attempt to tell me what I do and do not know. Since we last parted—”

“Scold me as you wish, my love, but do not deny me what we’ve both waited so long for.”

Golden eyes sharpened, the rain hard and sudden outside as she lifted her hands to his face, her eyes practically flashing as she spoke, “Come.”

Karlheinz lowered himself on top of her once more, so that she could kiss him, and drink from his lips.

Her bite would always, and forever be, the only thing sharp enough to provide him with pain.

She drank, and she kissed, and she folded her legs over his, the fabric of her dress tangling with his robes. When she’d had her fill, she pulled away with a satisfied sigh, and the rain outside began to pour.

“As decadent as ever.”

“My love,” Karlheinz squeezed at her sides, dragging his hands back up to her breasts, “might I indulge—”

“Karlheinz,” she placed her hand over his, pressing down against her chest, “Enough. You’ve my permission.”

He tore at the front of her dress, ripping it all the way down to her belly button, finally able to suck on her supple breasts, biting down with aching fangs. She laughed, and lightning struck, Karlheinz counting, one, two, three, four beats before the thunder hit—biting again, and again the lightning flashed, one, two, three beats—and he tore what was left of the dress, spreading her legs and tearing at the front of his own robes.

“I’ve missed you—“

Thunder shook the room and she silenced him with her mouth, digging her nails into the back of his neck as she pulled him in, gasping as he rubbed against her, skin sliding over skin and lips falling prey to desperate fangs.

“Give me all of you,” she bid, sliding her hands over his shoulders, helping him discard what was left of their disheveled clothing.

“As you wish, my love,” Karlheinz groaned, rubbing himself against her, gasping into her mouth and feeling himself start to drown, “as you wish.”

With a bite to her neck he entered her, and she screamed, lightning and thunder clapping all around them, the rain pouring so hard he wondered if these old castle walls would be enough to withstand it.

For a moment, he wondered if he’d be enough to withstand her.

To have such heat from skin so cold—he’d never understood it—would never understand, the rain pounding in his ears and the pleasure swimming in his stomach.

Two hundred years, and not a thing had changed. She was eternal.

With measured softness he bit into her neck again, watching the blood drip down her pale skin, staining it red.

Again, she laughed.

She’d always loved his bites. Because he was the only one brave enough to do so. Because they stung in the most delicious way, and because her blood now ran through his veins.

Her darling beloved.

“Karlheinz,” she called, entrapping him in another kiss, taking blood from his tongue, licking it tenderly in soft apology, “call my name.”

“Ananke,” she swallowed his words, tightening her legs around him as he spoke. “Ananke,” he repeated, slowly falling prisoner to a strong, golden gaze.

…

He’d always loved the way those eyes glazed over, shining from the remnants of their pleasure.

“You need to stop this, Karlheinz.”

The rain continued outside, soft and lulling, like a hushed melody only they could hear.

“It’s the only way,” he replied, gently, brushing her hair back behind her ear.

Her eyes flashed, and they were no longer in her room, his robes on as usual, a simple dress covering her own form. He smiled, “Where are we?”

She sat up, slowly, as though the room itself were unfamiliar to her, heading towards the window to look down below. “The moment that child is born, you won’t ever see me again.”

He followed her, hugging her from behind, so that he, too, could gaze down into what looked to be a garden. “We’ve eons before that occurs.”

“An eon is not as long as you’d like it to be.”

From down beneath them, a young girl emerged, blonde and beautiful, stumbling over herself while she tended to the roses. “Ah,” Karlheinz exhaled, “that’s her.”

“There are other ways, Karlheinz,” Ananke whispered, and he tightened his hold on her hands. “You and I both know there isn’t.”

“You’ll die,” she said, with the knowledge of one who knew.

“That is my fate,” he kissed her cheek.

“Then what is mine?”

“To ensure I die at the precise moment.”

She scoffed, looking down at the garden before she waved her hand, dispelling the enchantment, the room once again her own.

The rain outside continued.

“With her blood, your sons will be strong enough to kill you.”

“Which one, however, has yet to be decided.”

“It is up to that girl to decide. Whichever son is chosen, it won’t matter. The result is still the same.”

“My death,” Karlheinz affirmed, “and the salvation of everything you’ve created.”

“Everything I’ve created…” she repeated, the rain starting to pour, her palm falling over her stomach.

“Ananke,” he took her wrists, kissing the top of her head. “If you wish for it…”

She laughed, and lightning flashed, the First Blood shaking her head. “The destruction of everything for one, selfish wish…” she pushed him away, tucking her hair back behind her ear. “Go,” she instructed. “Your wives are waiting.”

This time, it was Karlheinz who chuckled, “I’ve at least another seven centuries before I meet them—”

“And it’ll be at least ten more before it’s safe for us to meet again,” she kissed his cheek. “Go.”

“Won’t you clear the skies for my journey home?” he cupped her face, stealing another kiss.

She shook her head, “This is your punishment.”

“Then I’ll graciously accept it.”

“Karlheinz,” she exhaled, placing her hand over his, kissing the bottom of his palm, “I’ll have a new dress, next you see me. Please look forward to it.”

“My love,” he smiled, pressing their heads together, “there will be nothing else I wait for.”

[mysticdragon3md3]

I’ve been watching Knights & Magic from the beginning (finally ;p ) and I just want to post my reactions before I forget.  So my fandom records can stay closer to chronological.  Even if I don’t have time to polish this...I wouldn’t recommend reading this jumbled mess.  ^.^;

6:20 PM 6/5/2018 Kights & Magic ep1 Kurata is Ernie, huh? I don't like his co-workers talking shit about Kurata just because he has a whole room full of gunpla.   I really like that Addy and Kid are set up like Ernie's siblings.  I'm so sick of the "girl is too tsundere to admit she has a crush on the protagonist for almost the entire series" thing.  Plus, I love siblings and trios of friends.  ^____^   Ok.  I'll admit it.  I understand now why all the aniTubers I respect called this series trash.  Thsi first episode is just a big exposition dump with nothing really important happening.  I mean, "show, don't tell" is important, but...These parts of Ernie's background aren't interesting enough, emotionally to warrant taking the time to show.  Maybe if some scenes were used in a flashback, during a later episode...This might work.  But for now...Is any of this reason to get invested in Ernie as a main character?  Are any of the scenes experiences that an audience would enjoy viariously feeling?  Sadly, no.  In fact, the only reason I'm sticking with this, the only reason any of these scenes are interesting to me at all, is because I've already watched the entire 2nd half of this series, and I grew to really like Ernie from there.  (I guess that's why I like in medias res so much.  ^^; )  This is just Mary Sue exposition dump...For an ENTIRE episode.  O_O;   I still don't get why Addy and Kid don't like or act like they're afraid of thier stepsister.  With all this exposition, you'd think they'd explain what type of person she is.  I mean, maybe I'm out of the loop because I'm American, but what kind of presumedly treatment do they get for not being in the line of succession?  And does their stepsister really take advantage of their lower class status?  I have a feeling this is going to get demonstrated instead of explained. "What's a robot?"  "What every man dreams of!"  I used think I like Ernie because of his overwhelmingly infectious, positive enthusiasm.  But maybe another way of saying that is that I love that he's a geek.  A completely unabashed, proud geek.  ^-^   I can't help it.  I still really like this show.  ^___^  It's like an action version of a "slice of life".  Even Dog Days wasn't as tame and iyashikei-like as this.  LOL  Nothing really happens, nothing is traumatic, it's just the thing for people with anxiety problems.  ^__^  

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9:09 PM 6/5/2018 Knights and Magic ep2 As much as I love watching the protag being all confident and having fun...  What just happened?  It would have been nice if they explained why Ernie's attack would bring down the Behemoth, before he actually attacked.  Then we could understand why what we're seeing is supposed to be cool.   LOL  I love how everyone in this show is so seriousl about their circumstances, but Ernie (and Addie and Kid) are just non-chalantly having fun with everything.  ^o^   9:52 PM 6/5/2018 Woops.  Crunchyroll started ep3 without me.  I'll have to go back later and see if ep2 had something before or after its end credits.   "I'm making them because they don't exist!  If they existed, I wouldn't need to make them."  I know that feel.  Actuallly, I think every crafter or artist does.  ^^;   Well, Deitrich bounced back.  Did something happen at the end of ep2 that I missed???  Wasn't he still moping in ep3?  Well, it's good to see him feeling better.   I know that technically, nothing is really happening story-wise or drama-wise, but I really like all this technical design stuff.  Testing designs, honing based on feedback, watching even a little success in an experiment, the way Ernie's brain is constantly working on the next step/design,...This is all my jam!  ^u^   This series is really just running past the emotional toll on the pilots.  I wonder if it's on purpose, like a refutation of all the mecha series that have focused on pilot angst ever since Eva.  LOL  But I like it.  I like the lighthearted tone, how everyone can just have a friendly fight and be friends again the next day,...  Yeah, there's no drama.  But I don't like drama.  I like iyashikei and "slice of life", nothing emotionally draining or even close to a rollercoaster ride.  This is what happens when you have anxiety.  I'm just glad a series that I watch for _entertainment_ doesn't add to the drama already in my head.  It's soothing.  ^_^   Helvi perked up when she heard Ernie say "The path of a Silhouette Knight isn't trod in one day!"  Oh, I guess she was really putting everything into that sparring match, huh.  Here, I was thinking in terms of a designer, like Ernie, who just saw it as a test with inevitable failings, just glad it didn't blow up, and very happy to see the new model get as far as it did.  I was even impressed with Helvi modifying her tactics to accomodate the Telestale's lack of precision.  But while a designer is going to just see this model's preformance as a stepping stone to the next experiment, Helvi probably put all her pride into it and took all the blame into herself, when she didn't get a clear victory.  But really, I thought she did win, and it was clearly the experimental model's failing.  But I guess this identifying with the preformance one's mecha is the type of thing that commonly happens in angsty mecha pilot anime.   I've been thinking about how a character design like Helvi's is reflective of a lot of Japanese "manly" characteristics.  She shows a lot of skin, she wears her jacket with the top down, and she's not all modest and proper.  Although there have been a lot of anime in the past who use their tomboys as an opportunity for fanservice costume designs, Helvi's design seems to much more focus on just making her seem like a tomboy by layering Japanese "masculine" costume designs on top of her.  I really like that, because I grew up on the "harem anime" genre and by now, I'm tired of the boobs busting out and jiggling everywhere.   10:23 PM 6/5/2018 Wow.  Ep4 started without a commercial break!  O.o Oh this show is so cute!  I love how Ernie is so unbound to humanoid forms and this joke about him being frustrated that Addy came up with that non-human form solution to the mana capacity/output problem instead of him, when it's his speciality, is just funny.  ^_^  I love silly sibling dynamics.  ^__^   I thought you just said "maybe we shouldn't fire this in town"?!?  Why are you firing it again?  LOL   "Creativity and challenging yourself are wonderful goals in and of themselves, don't you think?"  Yes, Ernie!  Yes they are!  ;u;  Who knew this show would have so many "creative motivation" lines?  ^u^ "I need more Ernie in my life.  I haven't hugged him in a week!"  LOL  I love how Addy says everything that people addicted to cute things are thinking.  ^u^  She's like Taki Toru from Natsume Yuujinchou!  ^o^   I'm glad that there MIGHT be a reason Addy and Kid have to believe that their father isn't just using them to spy on Ernie and claim credit by association (in that the siblings believe if their father tells the king about Ernie's designs before the government's Lab finds out, then the King might protect Ernie from the Lab stealing his designs and maybe shutting him out of further development).  But there's been this ominous tone the entire time and I'm just waiting for what horrible ulterior motive someone has, fighting over Ernie's designs---that aren't even done yet!  Maybe the Bronze Fang spies were supposed to take on on the suspicious undertoines, but I'm still worried about all these Marquis and officials screwing Ernie over.  If they shut Ernie out, just so they can get good standing with the King for claiming to come up with the designs themselves, I'm going to be very sad for Ernie being unable to complete development.  There's nothing worse than leaving a project hanging before perfecting the final process.   LOL  I love how Ernie just DEFLATES all the tension!  This entire episode has been building up tension about Ernie getting screwed over by the Marquis, and Ernie just turns everything into cheerful skipping.  LOL   That flashback to the Marquis realizing how similar Ernie's ambition was to the King, was really effective.  ...But wait.  I only know that was the young version of the King because I've seen the 2nd half of this series.  Well, I guess a first-time watcher would just have to rely on the fact that the Marqui was suddenly backing off of trying to intimidate Ernie, to realize that person in the flashback was someone he respected from his memories.   That was really sweet how the Boss found a way for everyone to visit Ernie and take the edge off not getting to ride Ernie's new designs anymore.   11:07 PM 6/5/2018 ep5 I'm glad that village was saved.   The fact that I was really effected by the engineer dwarves getting killed by the spies, msut be a testament to how sensitive I am to need to avoid drama from a show with real ups and down.  I mean, there was nothing special about the direction, and everyone getting killed wasn't given special attention by the camera to warrant being this effected by it.  In fact, the camera was pretty distant and quick about the portrayal.  But I think that because this series has spent all this time, getting me attached to the repair workers at the school, that it was easy to conflate them with the workers at the Marqui's fort.  They were just doing their jobs!  ;o;!!!   Damn.  I just realized the Haimerwort is using a big hammer.  That means his fighting style is imprecise and slow.  He already lost the advantage that the old mechas had against the Telestales.  ~_~;   Wow!  The students have got this precise targetting and control over the new units, down!  ^u^   Is no one going to mention how Ernie just took his Silhouette Gear without being surprised it was even there?  LOL   How many automatic functions just happened with Kid's Silhouette Gear and just so happened to save him just now?!  LOL   Teh fact that Edgar lasted this long with the old model of mecha is pretty impressive.  I forgot for a while that he was using the old model.  

Well, looks like they used up their animation budget for fight scenes.  ^^;  This last battle is all stills and narration.  But tying it back to the Demon Beast attack on Darie Village makes it seem like that was the whole reason that village attack happened.  But it was also the reason the spies were able to get into the Marquis's fort.   I guess the demon beast attacks were foreshadowing for Frankholm and the Marqui to realize they were attacked by another country's spies, after they found the Cursed Bait.   I'm so glad this conversation after Edgar so seriously began say, "Helvi, there's something I have to tell you," turned out to not be anything romantic.  ;u;!  I'sm so done with that cliche!  It's way more touching that Edgar was just trying to confess that the stolen mech was Helvi's personal mecha and he's promising to get her "partner" back.  Yujo!!!!!!  ;u;!!!   11:48 PM 6/5/2018 I guess I should stop and do my daily drawing challenge before midnight.  ~.~  I guess.  I guess I can use ep6 as incentive to get up early tomorrow.   2:48 AM 6/6/2018 Also, I forgot to mention that I really love that annoyed, exasperated look in Ernie's eyes when Addy or her step-sister hug and squee over him.  LOL  Me too, Ernesti.  Me too.  And by that, I mean it's really nice to see a male character for once simply be tired of the "girls fighting over him" cliche.  This series feels more like it's also annoyed with this cliche.  Lots of mecha anime are overtaken by harem genre cliches and romance polyhedrons.  It makes me feel better about this series re-steering the focus of mecha anime, away from pilot angst and a motif to lay over a harem anime, and more towards just fanboying over mecha.  ^.^  I just love that geeky attitude!  ^o^  And hey man, not everything needs to be about romance.  

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9:44 AM 6/6/2018 Knight's & Magic ep6

I love this silly sibling dynamic between Ernie and Addy.  Any other series, and it'd be a really annoying romantic relationship, either between tsundere(s) or "the indecisive harem guy who doesn't know how to handle the overly-forward girl".  

It's funny seeing Marquis Kunt Dixguard suddenly not drawn like an antagonist now.  

These are all some names I needed to remember:   Magus Engine Ether Reactor Knightsmiths Bat

Uh...How about you not say aloud how you're going to backstab the protagonist, Chief?

I really like seeing these Knights who were portrayed so ominously before (but by association to the building ominous portrayal of the Marquis, plus the ominous storm to foreshadow the Bronze Fang's attack), just so easily on friendly terms with Ernie now.  ^-^  I really like seeing everyone on good terms.  ^___^  

I like how Bad, Kid, and the Boss are enthusiastic vs intimidated by the announcement of the mock battle with the Lab in 10 months.  Like Ernie's enthusiasim is rubbing off on others.  ^_^  It would be so easy for another anime to turn this into a conflict point, everyone arguing with Ernie about "how did you get us into this mess", being scared to fight the government lab's mechs.  But this scene just keeps flowing.  ^___^  

Yes!  Increased speed mech!  

Option Works

"That may make your dream come true, huh?"  "Yeah.  I can still only get glimpses of it...I couldn't reach it in my dreams, but this is reality, and I can grab it with my own hands."  Ever since I realized this series peppers in so many relatable experiences of the creative process, it's become so interesting or even inspirational.  There's a story I heard once about how the music a composer achieves will never be as perfect as the music they hear in their head.  It's supposed to be a warning against perfectionism and taking the angst of the creative ambition too far.  So it's really inspiring to hear Ernie say that he will achieve the creation he dreamed of, in reality.  It's like that post going around Tumblr, encouraging artists to, when they feel down about their art, remember that they "created something out of nothing, LIKE A GOD!"  ^o^  

Aw~  Edgar is so nice! I'm glad they didn't just leave the new students (or where they new graduates?) with the Boss's scary introduction.  Edgar talks like an actual formal commander!  O.o  

Oh, new carefully designed character.  New main character.  Nora Frykberg.  Oh, that's nice!  She's special security so the school won't get the Order of the Silver Phoenix's designs leaked again.  ^u^  Oh, so this is the Order of the Azure Hawk.  Run by Marquis Duxgard, right?  Convenient that she has blue hair.  

Uh-oh.  Addy's jealousy just went from "older sister/aunt who wants to squeeze your cheeks" to "jealous girlfirend" tropes.  o~o;  Thank goodness I've seen the rest of this series already, so I know I don't have to worry about this erring towards romantic tension BS.  It'll stay towards the "older sister"/"I like cute things" vibe.  ...But in retrospect, maybe the trope was just a quick way to get Addy into a Silhouette Knight, vs just sticking to the Silhouette Gears.  ^^;  That's fine.  They kept the jealous romance tropes to a minimum.  Now just focus on Addy piloting and Ernie's mecha experiments and I'll be happy.  

Oh, Addy is just taking measurements and observing the test?  I thought Ernie was asking her to pilot while he would take notes.  ^o^;  

LOL  Ernie is the only one not phased by the Boss yelling at them for destroying that Kaldatoah.  ^o^  He's probably still mentally rambling improvement ideas to himself.  

Huh?  "How long are you going to let a girl be covered in soot?"  What?  That's out of nowhere.  But their clothes seem to imply this isn't just some obligatory fanservice scene.  Otherwise, Addy would be wearing MUCH less than a dress-length shirt and there'd be a drawn-out scene of both of them just undressing.  Even Helvi's top is the same as she always wears, so there's nothing to really draw the eye, after all these epsiodes of being accostomed to seeing that strapless corset on her everywhere.  Wait...Don't tell me this is going to turn into one of those "girl talk" scenes where the older character prods the younger to vent out her romantic problems weighing down her thoughts.  ~.~;  Well, if they do go in that direction, I hope it's just Helvi re-affirming to Addy that she doesn't have to try so hard to be a "cool girl"; just be herself.  They don't have to cover that Addy is trying to be a "cool girl" who can pilot a Silhouette Knight and fight in battle, because she got jealous of Nora and afraid that Ernie only likes "cool girls".  If the conversation just sticks to Helvi encouraging Addy to accept herself as-is, then I'll be fine with this scene.  And Helvi, being a "cool girl" is the perfect character type to talk to Addy about this.  ^-^   Thank you, Addy.  She wanted to invite Ernie to bath with them.  LOL  "Ernie's not a guy!  Ernie is Ernie!"  Look at that expression on Helvi's face!  LOL  I love how Addy makes the possible "romance" undertones of this show a complete non-starter!  ^o^!  (I just want to say that as much as I love being a fujoshi and obsessing over my OTP being in romantic relationships, platonic relationships are still VERY important to me and I'm so glad to see more series, even one generally dismissed by the anime critic community, take the focus off romantic relationships. ;u;!!! )  

Oh that swivel on Addy's pilot seat is so cool!  ^o^

Ooh!  So excited for the testing duel!  ^o^  Even though Ive seen it already from when I first strated this series!  LOL  

Wow.  The pilots wear big armor inside their mechs.  I forgot: It was like that at the fort raid too, huh?  

They descreased teh STrand-Type Crystal-Tissue?  o.O

Capacity Blame solves the "mana pool drain issues" AND improves defense?!  *o* Oh this is so cool!  The quadraped reveal!  ^o^  

The Marquis is sighing again because he knows how Ernie is now.  LOL  Was he the one who was telling Ernie that Silhouette Knights are supposed to resemble humans and Ernie just questioned that imemdiately?  Maybe it was the Knightsmiths' Boss?

Omg, I'm so excited for this next epsiode---that I've already seen before!  LOL  

After seeing some series analysis about how Darling in the Franxx is just an allegory for sexual "coming of age" and how their pilot system is pretty much just positioning the female and male pilots the same was as "doggy style" sex, Addy and Kid's pilot positions being similar makes me kind of uncomfortable.  But why should I let a completely different series ruin the one of few series I've finally found, devoid of sexual innuendo and fixation on romance?  

10:52 AM 6/6/2018 ep7

10:54 AM 6/6/2018 Ok I have to get on with my day.  I can't just marathon this anime and write reactions to every scene all day.

Though I will say that I'm so glad that not every character with sharp eyes or a stoic demeanor is proven to be anatagonistic in the end.   When I first saw this series/episode, I thought for sure that the Director of the King's Lab would turn out to be a traitor becasue he was drawn with sharp eyes that usually indicate suspicious danger.  But this series didn't go for that easy cliche.  It's safe to have faith in people, in this series.  ^-^  

It's funny how they kept the Lab Chief's eyes and general character design so cartoonish that it was unreadable.  So I was totally able to buy that he was going to be an antagonist, but it also perfectly fit when he proved to be just another geek like Ernie, excited to talk with another geek.  ^o^  

Everything ends all happy and fun.  No grudges.  No one hurt during the mock fight.  No real battles barging in, to interrupt the sparring match.  Etc., etc. cliches.  When other people complain about overused tropes, I will often counter that cliches become cliches for a reason: they're effective.  But I think this series, dropping cliches, exchanged it for something I value more or equally:  the same safe, cheerful, soothing atmosphere as an iyashikei.  I understand that for most people, the lack of drama and tension leaves a story boring.  But I can't stand drama. I hate "Oscar bait" movies and TV drama shows.  It often forces characters to be portrayed as artificially generating problems through jumping to misunderstandings and assuming the worst, vs SIMPLY communicating with each other (especially between characters that consider each other FRIENDS) and having faith in other people.  I NEED A BREAK FROM THAT.  DESPERATELY.  So I don't care if people call this series trash, I'm loving every bit of it.  ;u;!!! <3 <3 <3

I like that the quadraped Silhouett Knights switched to 1 pilot.  The 2 pilot system seemed risky if it'll cut troop numbers in half.

I forgot that this was teh saem episode with the King retiring and the duel with Prince Emrys.  That was also really fun too!  

I'm pretty sure I wrote a reaction before about how I liked the King's motives in fighting over the Goldleo with Emrys.  Where is that thing?

I like that the quadraped Silhouett Knights switched to 1 pilot.  The 2 pilot system seemed risky if it'll cut troop numbers in half. I forgot that this was teh saem episode with the King retiring and the duel with Prince Emrys.  That was also really fun too!   12:00 PM 6/6/2018 ep8 Wait. I don't recognize this episode.  o.o Wait.  The former King came to fight the shellcased horde too?!  O.o  I know retiring let's him have fun without worrying as much, but still!   It's nice to see Dietrich leading his own squad with confidence.  ^_^  He's not burdened by that freak-out he had at his introduction anymore.  ^_^ Every time I see Edgar fight, I'm surprised he's still using the same mech, but I guess I just got confused.  His mech has been continually upgraded, it just doesn't have the back arms and they focused development on upgrading his shield instead.  That shield has gotten more and more functions since the test sparring match vs the Lab.  ^o^   Weaponizing the mecha's transportation carriage is cool! Oh yeah, I already forgot about that brain frying tactic Ernie used on teh Behemoth.   Ether Reaction construction method!  *o*!  I'm so happy for Ernie.  ^_^ Alvs.   Changing Ones = humans. "He doesn't give up that easily on his hobbies."  I like that Ernie's geeky enthusiasm is on parr with the former King's fighting ambition.  Like they're kindred.   The funny thing is that as "flat" as I keep admitting this series and its character dynamics to be, I really like everyone.  I've been atched to them for a while now. I  regret not buying that Nendoroid Ernesti!  Everyone's personalities seem fundamentally rooted in Compassion, my favorite ideal.  Even if Emrys or the former king could be misperceived as one of my most annoying pet peeves "confusing Power with Strength", they don't seem to make that fallacy.  They love to fight with brute force and powerful mechas, but they seem more like the positive portrayals of continual Growth/ambition in Fighting Spirit, rather than jerks who confuse Power with Strength, by forgetting Compassion. There have been plenty of opportunities for them to be callous or Malicious, but they haven't.  They've just been non-chalant, warm, and even encouraging others to share their ambition and confidence.  I sense they're good guys, and they were most primed to be in positions of setting off one of my pet peeves.  So I'm glad they and everyone is staying good, good people, and that's all I need from "good characters".   "...But we're lazy...For the first 100 years, we're like the Changing Ones.  But then after 200-300 years we spend most of our time sleeping or in thought."  Yup.  That's immortality for you. Can the Alvs Elder see Ernie's past life? "Thinking is the most valuable thing for us.  We simply saw the value in one another."  Did the Elder see how Ernie's mind never stops thinking?   WAit.  Ether Reactors are the heart of living things?  Is that why they harvested that Behemoth heart?  That reminded me of Escaflowne and I guess I just assumed they used it the same way, to power their mechs, but they never really talked about it, huh.   More terms: Catalyst Crystals (heart of Ether Reactors) So Ether Reactors turn air into Mana.  And Catalyst Crystals turn mana into magic, but also sometimes ether into mana.   Ether Reactors are really sounding more and more like a living thing.  But then when they start talking about dense scripts, it sounds like computer programming.  ^.~   Alvs and Demon Beasts have Catalyst Crystals inside them. So are mined Catalyst Crystals from prehistoric Demon Beasts?  ^o^ "Astonishing even the Alvs...In 3 months he learned all their secrets."  I know we're not supposed to like OP Mary Sues...But I really like Ernie.  The way we all know he's just going to be so cheerful and casual about all this new knowlege/power of his, that confidence in him to not see Power turn him into a prick, just makes him learning stuff feel like his enthusiasm over enjoying his obby is infectious instead.   I guess the Alv Elder can see Ernie's past life, after all.   Oh, that's so cool.  Addy is using the flying spell with the gun rod that Ernie usually only uses.  Does everyone use those gunrods now?   OMG YOU NEVER SEE THAT!  I'M SO HAPPY!  I'm so glad Nora saw that Addy was just jealous and insecure about staying close to Ernie, now that Nora was talking with him alone a lot, but instead of getting upset that "this kid is bothering her" or playing with her feelings, she saw Addy's underlying feelings and reassured her instead.  She even trusted her with her secret as a spy!  ;u;  What a kind and mature person!  ;U;  I'm so glad this is turning out to be an anti-melodrama show!  ;U;  (I mean, I like melodrama in terms of overacting grandness can be fun, but I hate "drama" as in excessive relationship tensions.)   1:00 PM 6/6/2018 ep9 Western Grand Storm?  "These lands all used to be ruled by 1 king! Let's go reclaim it!"   Well, that's a pretty stupid reason to start a war.  Maybe THE stupidest reason.  ~___~; Still sniffly at Eleonora saying goodbye to her father.   I know serious stuff is happening, but Ernesti turning battle into just a fun game is just...fun.   "Silver Phoenix Merchant Association".  LOL   Well, this time watching this episode, now I know who the blue-haired maid spy is.  ^_^  Who knew Nora had such a big setup before.  Probably just to give Addy some depth.   "What are those horse things?  Well, it doesn't matter.  We're destory them."  This Gustav Mardonnes guy is stupidly reckless.  Oh, this is the guy who became like Dietrich's kind of nemesis. I've never heard of this Mabus Animation Studio or Bigbowl before.   1:26 PM 6/6/2018 ep10 I really have to stop paying attention now , and owrk on artist alley stuff.   3:11 PM 6/6/2018 ep13 / Last ep. Are they setting up a romance between Nora and D? Did Kojass come from our world too?  "Maximize" is an English word.   It's funny to hear Ernie now advocating for mechas to reflect human form.  I guess Kojass's Wyvern is like an extreme of the "inhumanness" that Marquis was trying to ward Ernie('s designs) away from.  Still, I don't see any reason to stay so human.  And if this series was going to get symbolic about human form equating good human traits like being humane, then they didn't consistently set that up.   I like that this climactic battle is all a group effort.  There is no one moment of victory where only the protagonist is the only proactive agent of every the victorious moment.  

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3:10 PM 4/6/2018 Just watched Knights and Magic ep7.  I really like this show.   I feel kind of bad for feeling this way, when Mother's Basement said this series was bad.  I mean, shouldn't I defer to an expert?  And really, have I been watching enough anime lately to have any sense anymore?  I mean, I just keep watching the same series over and over again, instead of exposing myself to anything new.  And actually, I've been watching more YouTube than anime lately---these past FEW YEARS.   But I do like this series.  Like, just this ep, episode 7: Sure, nothing really happened, and nothing dramatic happens too much in the characters' growth.  Even the old engineer who was growling at the demo fight of Ernie's new mechas, who looked like he might be a bitter problem later, ended up just bonding with Ernie over their love of fanboying over mechas.  Even the whole thing with the Prince and his Grandpa didn't change anything between them, or within them individually.  Prince Emyrs didn't even know that his Grandpa had any special meaning to their duel.  Only Ernie and his comrade got to see that, without Emrys knowing.  It was more like a peek into their lives.  And I think that's what I like about this series.  It strikes me as a "slice of life".  Even if big mechas are clashing and everyone's talking about monster attacks, and later in the series, there are attacks, death, and wars initiated by another nation who brings some intrigue, Ernie smothers it all with his unwavering positive enthusiasm.  It's still a safe, "nothing really happens" series.   And I think that's why I've been avoiding anime lately.  Every time I think, "I shoudl catch up on this series that everyone's talking about", I just can't commit to that kind of emmersion and focus, or I'm in too fragrile a mental/emotional state to deal with anything dramatic, even the slightest bit.   But this show, Knight's & Magic may be just the thing I need.  It won't make me bawl my eyes out like Natsume Yuujinchou (my favorite series) or March Comes In Like a Lion (which I desperately need to catch up on).  There aren't any bully characters that make me feel traumatized by spending time in their company, like Boku no Hero Academia.  I'm continually baffled that I'm not watching any of KyoAni's recent series, when they've been like the "kind of slice of life" to me, for so many years.  But I just can't get into Dragon Maid---And I'm tearing my hair out, trying to figure out why!  ;o;  I love dragons!  I love slice of life!  Androgynous heroine who dresses in more "masculine" clothing?  My favorite!  I used to read nothing but the "chicks in pants" subgenre of fantasy novels.  

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9:12 PM 11/11/2017 WAtching KNights and Magic for the first time.  ep9.  Getting flashbacks of Escaflowne.  REmember when all these mecha battles were hand-drawn?  And it was BEAUTIFUL!  *o*  Really surprised this isn't a Sunrise series.   9:32 PM 11/11/2017 Starting ep10.  I like this Ernesti kid.  He's just so perpetually enthusiastic about everything! ^u^  His expression never changes!  His eyes are so bright, all the time!  ^o^  I was just telling my brother that Ernesti must be so perpetually happy because everything in this world is about mechas.  LOL  "Bloody wars?  Princess in peril?"  "It's all good because we get to fight with mechs!"  LOL  Evne the opening theme is just so peppy, despite this war going on with already dramatic stakes established with kings fighting suicide duels just so his daughter can escape.   I want Kojass and Ernesti to be friends so much!  Have geek-outs together!  LOL  The funny thing is that while Ernesti's complete dismissal of the seriousness of battle looks innocent and silly, because he's a mecha geek, on the bad guy side, that sort of detatchment from people's lives being taken, looks more sociopathic.  Even though they have the same priorities!  ...Though, I guess the difference in their geekiness, is that while Ernesti is happy to see people with more knowledge than him, so he can learn new ideas from them, from anyone, and from anywhere, Kojass gets defensive that his superiority is challenged.  ^^;   This princess Eleonora is a little frustrating, but she's just so sweet, I can't quite feel annoyed about it.  (Unlike my brother.)  But I firmly believe that leaders who prioritize Compassion and value themselves last, are the best leaders.  So I really think she has what it takes to be a benevolent leader, she just needs to learn more confidence and get some experience.  I get a little frustrated with Archid/Kid not knowing enough to answer her questions with philosophical answers.  Like, "What's the worth in rescuing her?"  She's not the one who gets to decide what her worth is!  As long as she's alive, her country's people still has a figurehead to rally behind and retain their identity.  "Why are you being kind to someone like me?" she asked.  Because who wouldn't want to be kind to anyone?  Who wouldn't want someone who feels bad, to cheer up?  But Kid doesn't seem intellectual enough to provide logical answers like that.  But his genki type is good for cheering up people and being emotional.  That's why when he got out of his armor to encourage the princess to accept her rescue, while my brother watching that scene was impatient that they were wasting time with guards on their way to stop the rescue, I said, "No, it's the right thing to do."  He's a good kid.  ^_^  Maybe it'll inadvertantly set up a romance between them, when she'll have to eventually have to marry someone else for political reasons or won't be allowed to marry a lower rank like knight, but for now, it's good for them.  ^_^  

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1:17 PM 5/17/2018 Just finished Knight's and Magic ep12. I love this show.  ^_^  It's just a bunch of fun.  Even with the voices of aniTubers I respect, in my head telling me that the show sucks, I just have a good time.  LOL  When I first heard they thought it was a bad show, I asked myself why it was fun, and I realized that nothing really happens in this series.  Episodes begin and end with characters in teh same state without much or any growth.  It's essentially a "slice of life" with occaisional mecha battles.  Nothing really serious happens, and I think that for people with anxiety like me, I just really love that.  After all, for the past few years, I've been watching exclusively moe, "slice of life" series, and iyashikei.  Why would I need a bunch of serious drama or heart-shattering moments in a series?  That's the last stuff I need!  Not when my anxiety has finally gotten to this point of agoraphobia!  So I love this show.  I love Ernstie's unflappable genki demeanor, I love how he cuts through whatever tone is going on around him, to just make the situation about having fun as an engineer playing with his mecha, and that even the final stakes of this show for our protagonist seem to be about his pride in his hobby...It's relaxing and fun.  ^o^   And considering that most of the "good" mecha series out there are metaphorical sexual "coming of age" stories", and I'm gray-asexual, it only makes sense that I'd rather watch Knights and Magic vs Darling in the Franxx.  I mean, my favorite mecha show is Code Geass, for gods' sakes!  Whatever sexual "coming of age" metaphores there are, are in the background.  And most of the other generally acclaimed shows I like, that are about sexual "coming of age", I only tolerate because they shift towards a conversation about gender more than sexuality.  Like Utena; as sensual as that show is, and as much as it goes on about hetero relationships and lesbian relationships kind of standing-in for hetero dynamic conventios (until near the end of teh series), it spends a lot more time talking about gender.  Ranma 1/2, Maze, etc...are gender series, some with mecha, but not so much about dating, heterosexual negotiations, and awkward learning about sex, but about what it means to be a certain gender and questioning definitions of gender.   1:22 PM 5/17/2018 I need to get back to work in 10 minutes, but I'll watch a little bit of ep13. 1:32 PM 5/17/2018 As soon as they made that hard turn to port, after ramming speed, I exclaimed "HUH?!?"  Because who chases after and OBVIOUS feint/decoy tactic?!?!  Seriously?!  (Besides Sanada Yukimura, okay.) And I can't beleive the enemy is using the Blood Grail already.  Pushed to the corner that early?  C'mon.  If you can't fight with what you've already got, then throwing aroudn a big weapon that you've already been warned is a "double-edged sword", is gonna blow up in your face.  Or at least going to prove a weak spot, when your crutch gets taken out.  That's why Ryu Maho always trained to fight without a weapon, despite being a natural genious with a sword.  This is why I always played 2D fighting games with basic moves vs relying on special attacks.  

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1:08 PM 6/7/2018 Knights and Magic ep7 re-watch Listen.  I realize they want Prince Emrys's introduction to be intriguing, but putting that shadow on just his face, when he's in the full sunlight, away from anything that could create shade, is just weird.  The audience already doesn't know who he is, that's mystery enough.  Might as well just show is full face and let the auidence think "Who is that?  I don't recognize him."   ------------------ last eps re-watch What I really like about finally watching this series from the beginning, is that when I get back around to the end, seeing these students suddenly now leading units with the new equipment designs, lets us see their evolution.  But whereas most series focus on the characters' dramatic evolutions, in the final eps of this series, I can just look across the squad of new designs, now into production models, and see how that reflects how far these characters have come.  I realize that that may be indirect drama for most people, but it's really effective for me, even emotionally. When I look at these mecha, I remember what they started as, the initial designs, how they slowly improved, better and better, then eventually became finalized versions which were good enough to be put into production models...It's just a long swath of history and indiviudal evolution in each design.  I know that's how most people think about characters in a series, but I really feel that way, just looking at these mecha, since the series focused more on their design evolution and progression, more than the characters' drama.  I think maybe this shift in focus towards emotional attachment to the mechas' progress/evolution was effective for me, becasue I think in terms like Ernie, focused on design and creative projects, knowing how much goes into each reiteration and what an epiphany each new design is. And similary, I focus less on social interactions.  I am thoroughly engrossed in all these exposition dumps of Ernie explaining his designs and whatever new limmitations he's trying to think around.  I love weighing all the options and problem solving along with him.  I just really feel in sync with this series more than most other mecha drama.  (Which is why I've avoided Darling in the Franxx.  As much praise as that's getting, I suspect it's just not my thing.)   1:27 PM 6/7/2018 ep7 rewatch Addy and Kid do have gunrods.  And they're swords too!  O.O  Really, why are all the other wizards even using magic wands/staffs?  Ernie's gunrod idea is a multifunctional tool now!  *o* 1:41 PM 6/7/2018 It's funny when I think now of when I first watched this series, starting in the middle, I asked my brother who was crushing on who, who was jealous, etc.  Because almost all series, especially big casts of mecha pilots are always about who is crushing on who.  Doesn't mean I like series like that.  In fact, I hate it.  But if I'm going to sit in front of the TV while my brother continues a series he's watching, I might as well know what's gong on.  I can at least brace myself for when characters act jealous or act weird instead of just working together in the midddle of a battle maneuver.  I don't like it, but I can at least brace myself against it.  I'm even more glad now, discovering that this series isn't about interpersonal drama at all.  

[greathalesonfire]

please do number 10!!!

anonymous said: hi for the short sentence prompt thing can you do 10 or 20? your choice. i kinda want them to be a bit emotional like you did with number 1 but it’s up to you of course. thanks 💕

Hello, my loves! Thank you so much for the prompt. This got hella angsty instead of “a bit emotional”, woops. Hope you like it!

(send me a prompt)

When Isak walks up to an empty bed for the third time in as many nights,he feels the panic like a tight grip around his heart. Even has been doing thatmore and more lately, getting up before him, leaving the apartment before thesun is even out.

Not only that, he’s been home later and later, distractedly kissing Isakbefore giving some excuse as to why he can’t come and cuddle on the bed.

He’ll answer Isak’s text late, texting short answers, almost business-like.

Isak grabs his phone, ready to text Even when he sees he has a text fromhim waiting.

“I’ll be home late, don’t wait up”

And that’s it, Isak has hadit. If Even wants to leave him, he should just do it already instead ofwhatever this nonsense is.

Isak calls him, once, twice, three times. When Even still doesn’t pickup on the fourth try, Isak leaves him a message, rage burning through him likefuel, “if you don’t call me within the next hour, don’t bother coming home atall,” he sneers into the receiver before hanging up.

It’s not long after the rage has burned up and all that’s left are theashes of his heart, making him feel hollow and lonely. He regrets leaving thatvoicemail, regrets giving in to that old habit of letting the anger take over.It’s something he inherited from his dad, and whenever it bubbles up, he feelsdisgusting afterwards.

Now is not different. He falls back into bed, pulls the covers over hishead, fully knowing that he needs to get up and get ready for school, but thepain is so overwhelming that he gives himself more time.

He does get to school, only skipping first period, his phone deadlysilent in his pocket as he walks up to his desk, sinking down on his chair nextto Sana.

She opens her mouth to comment before looking at him properly andclosing her mouth again. After class, she hands him her notebook and when heraises his eyebrows she scoffs, “You didn’t write anything down and I’m notlosing marks because my partner is falling behind.”

Isak nods gratefully and Sana lingers a minute before, “Whatever it is,you’ll be okay.”

She walks off, leaving Isak in stunned silence, still clutching hernotes. She really is a good person, however hard she tries to hide it.

Isak drags himself through the rest of the day, earning concerned looksfrom his friends. The silence of his phone so oppressive he thinks he mightchoke on it.

Right before he sets of the go home, he pulls his phone out of hispocket and dials Even’s number again, it goes straight to voicemail, and thatsinks Isak’s heart so deeply he could just cry on the sidewalk.

“Please, Even, I didn’t mean it. Please come home,” he swallows harshlyto try and not cry, “I love you, baby, please tell me what’s happening.”

He hangs up the phone and when he turns around to start walking home, helooks straight into the concerned eyes of his best friend.

Jonas asks him if he wants to come home with him, play some fifa, andIsak gladly accepts, not yet willing to go home and face reality.

When he picks up his phone an hour later, Jonas having successfully distractedhim long enough, he has one new text message from Even.

“I want to, so badly… but I can’t tell you“

“I need to go home,” Isak tells Jonas and his best friend nods, grabsIsak in a hug.

“It will be okay,” Jonas says, with so much sincerity Isak almostbelieves him. But he’s not really known for positive thinking, only Even isable to bring out that part in him. And if Even is leaving him… He full-bodyshivers at the thought and detangles himself from Jonas, suddenly eager to gohome.

He won’t go down without a fight.

Two weeks ago, Even and Isak made love all night, sweet nothingswhispered in each other’s ears, soft giggles and hands everywhere on each other’sbodies. Isak is not going to just let that go. He’s not going to let Even justwalk away from it.

He comes home finding Even standing in the middle of the room, tearyeyed and looking more tired than Isak had noticed. Even startles as Isak walksinto the room and Isak tries not to cry.

They look at each other for several, long moments, before Even whispersa broken “I’m so sorry, baby.”

Isak immediately surges forward to hold Even in his arms. He doesn’tcare what he’s sorry for.

“Whatever it is, we’ll fix it, together,” Isak says, running his handsthrough Even’s hair and pulling him back into him when Even seems about tountangle himself from Isak.

“I don’t know if we can,” Even whispers, finally letting go and buryinghis head into Isak’s neck. Isak can feel his hot tears dripping into the crookof his neck, sliding down his collarbone before gathering on the neck of hissweatshirt.

“I’m not letting you leave me, Even,” Isak says, the fierceness in hisvoice even surprising himself.

He lets Even raise his head to look into his eyes, “You don’t know whathappened,” Even whispers, raw pain visible in his eyes.

“Did you murder someone?” Even shakes his head, slight smile tugging onhis lips, “Are you secretly a spy, about to be moved stations?” Even shakes hishead again, one corner of his mouth lifting, “Are you a vampire, having to movenow, before it becomes clear that you don’t age?” Even rolls his eyes at Isakbefore shaking his head once more. Isak grins before becoming serious again, “Didyou… did you cheat on me?”

He can’t help the fear from colouring his voice or the relived sigh whenEven shakes his head furiously before leaning in and kissing Isak hard.

“You’re the only one I see, Isak. I would never.”

Isak nods, stroking his thumb under Even’s eye, “I don’t need to knowwhat happened to know we’ll get through this. Just stop hiding from me, Even,please.”

“Come to bed, you haven’t slept a full night in days,” Isak says,pulling Even with him to the bed.

Even lets him undress him, lets Isak kiss every part of Even he canreach, urges him on as Isak place a hickey on Even’s thigh, giving in to theprimal urge to mark Even as his and only his.

Isak kisses Even’s eyelids last, and watches his boyfriend slip intosleep, holding him, watching over him.

Tomorrow, they’ll talk and Even will tell Isak what has been happening.

The day after and every day after that, Isak will stand by Even, nomatter what life throws in their way.

[cleanlittlesecret]

I'm sending you a ship and a character because I can :>c so Heith and Lance!

Thanks for basically sending me Klunk.

001 | Heith

when I started shipping it if I did: "By the way, Hunk, you really came through in the clutch back there. Without you, the mission would have been a failure.“ The entire thing around Keith making a joke opened my eyes to how cute they can be together, but this is moment that sealed my fate, and I’m spiritually obligated to reference it whenever possible.

my thoughts: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

What makes me happy about them: Other people have articulated this way better than I ever could, but basically Hunk and Keith are different in so many ways and complement each other well!! And even in s1 they had moments of really getting along (their dialogue during the Klunk hug, their dynamic in the Castle party scene, “Hunk. Calm down. And yes, blasting.” etc bc my memory is shit rn), and that was before they had what was pretty much their Bonding Episode, haha. Also, speaking of That, Keith appreciates how smart Hunk is! He gives Hunk emotional support and makes sure he knows his work is appreciated! And although Keith was probably annoyed by it at the time, I love how Hunk just point-blank asks questions and says goofy things about him being Galra instead of tiptoeing around it like someone with an actual filter would have done. This entire paragraph probably reads like an overexcited dog wagging its tail, but I’m love Heith! They’ve made me a happier person in general!

What makes me sad about them: They’re a fricking rare pair, oh my god.

things done in fanfic that annoys me: I haven’t really read that much fic for this fandom?? And like, almost everything I have read has come from the Heith tag on AO3, but I’m still super picky to begin with, so I don’t think I’ve noticed any fic trends with them that annoy me. I guess my only complaint is the sheer number of fics which have them be the background couple for ships that make me uncomfortable (seriously, the works number on their tag nose-dives as soon as I start filtering out stuff), but I recognize that’s a personal issue.

things I look for in fanfic: Again, same issue as above with me not having read that much?? But I guess I look for like, G-rated fic since nsfw stuff for this fandom in general makes me want to peel my skin off, woops. I would love to see a good plotty thing with them which explores and tests their relationship and isn’t afraid to show them working together and disagreeing with each other in turn, but like, I don’t think such a thing exists rn.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Lance for either one, and also would be happy if Hunk ends up with Shay. It wouldn’t bother me at all for that ship to become canon because they’re adorable together.

My happily ever after for them: GOD…Like, my headcanon for how they would get together in a canonverse setting has always been Keith catches feelings first, starts hanging around Hunk all the time like a clingy cat, and Hunk ends up liking him back thanks to getting to know him better from spending so much time together, so then I guess the continuation for it would be they get together, don’t die in this literal space war, eventually go home to Earth, and get to have a peaceful rest of their lives together. I’m a simple woman with simple needs, and I just want them to be happy, oh my god.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: I don’t care?? I’ve never cared about cuddling as much as fandoms apparently do.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Sharing their interests and hobbies with each other. It probably starts with Hunk info-dumping to Keith about stuff like engineering and cooking, but over time Keith becomes comfortable enough to start talking about his interests too, and their conversations start to balance out better.

002 | Lance

How I feel about this character: He’s good…tries his best…loves his friends and family…I love him…I mean, yeah, he’s not perfect, and he’s done stuff in canon I didn’t like, but his heart’s in a good place. (tbh I’ve basically spent the last few weeks getting emo over Lance while writing notes for that AU I told you about. Like, literally tearing up from how much love I have for him while plotting a fic. I’m ridiculous.)

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Hunk, Keith

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Him and Allura! I love the idea of a friendship between them where Lance finally Takes A Hint about her not being interested and simmers his flirting down into a running joke between them where he just gives her random compliments because she sure as hell deserves them. I think they could be good friends if he would just chill already. (Also, you know how much I love the dynamic he had with Coran in the homesick scene and pod-cleaning scene.)

My unpopular opinion about this character: Don’t really know if it would count as ~unpopular~ since I’ve seen other people criticize this as well, but I dislike the fandom’s fixation on Langst or Lance being tortured or whatever. I know he’s not like, 100% happy and confident all the time, but it feels like some fans go too far with how they interpret his issues, and it can get kinda…fetishy, I guess. Also, it annoys me when people criticize Shiro for getting onto Lance for his more inappropriate behavior, like the pilot scene where he cuts Lance off before Lance can finish that "particle barrier” line. Would those people prefer Lance actually be allowed to say what sounds like a thinly veiled dick joke to a girl he’d basically just met?

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I have hope in s3 giving us some good Lance development (I Want To Believe), but as it stands now, I’m still a bit annoyed by how s2e10 handled his insecurity about feeling like he doesn’t serve a purpose for the team. Yes, I Know I just complained about fandom focusing too much on angsty stuff for him, but the way the show introduced that issue and then appeared to resolve it in the same episode felt like a cop-out me. Also, despite the odds of it happening being excruciatingly low, I love the thought of Lance being confirmed bi in canon.

my OTP: Klance

my cross over ship: what the fuck

a headcanon fact: Lance actually does know how to sew. His mother taught him when he was little so he could help her repair the little tears and other damage constantly being inflicted on clothes and blankets and stuff around their house.

[azaraspirit]

its now past 130am and i just finished binge reading the last 4 chapters of the klance farmers au fic and omfg im so emotional from crying (i may have cried a few dozen times woops) and i just love my boys so much and this god damn fic that turned out to be way more angsty than i thought but omfg its just so good i have no regrets @yaxxm