#this was based off a tier list I saw

[0-kuki-0]

While I was making this the phantom of the opera started playing

And now I’m listening to Celine dion

This is not my playlist

Help

[seawing-vibes]

Decided to fill out a template from @/falling-skyzz I feel normal about . The dragons ! List of characters & design & dynamic thoughts under the cut <3

Also If anyone else fills out thus template feel free to send me the post,, I would love to see other people filling this out!!! I love templates !!

Secretkeeper & Moon • I understand theres a lot of reasonable hate for Secretkeeper but!!! I find her & moon to be a very fascinating pair! To make a long ass thought short, I think Secretkeeper is the embodiment of “product of her environment & deeply traumatize & projecting”. I think she genuinely really loves moon but obviously expresses that through being “”protective””. But I think shes genuinely a character with a capacity for change & realizing the autonomy Moon has over her own powers. Also from the perspective of Moon I think her arc around her relationship with her mom could be really interesting, especially as Secretkeepers authority becomes challenged in Moons life & she has to confront the bullshit her mother has put her through. Overall very very interesting pair I think about them a lot.

Design Note: Secretkeeper is duller in color than Moon & has less stars due to lack of moon light on the island! Also the scales around her mouth are almost completely black, making her mouth barely visible, giving her the name “Secretkeeper” as she “has no mouth to tell others secrets.”

Tsunami & Starflight • Just one of my fav siblings! This specific illustration is from the Arena Scene in Dragonet Prophesy! I really really love Tsu & Starflights dynamic of looking up to eachother & their development together just. So neat!

Design Note: Starflight has very few constellation marks in this illustration as he hasnt spent much time under moonlight quite yet!

Shark & Abalone • One of my more out-there ships! I based this on the thought that Shark was once close with Abalone (cough. Husbands.) and that relates to why he was willing to give Tortoise a lunch-break from watching the eggs. He already saw someone close to him die from being overworked to watch the clutch, he didn’t want to watch another dragon die from his sisters selfishness. I could write an essay on these two I swear

Deisgn Note: Shark is based on a tiger shark & abalone is based on real abalones! hes one of my fav designs here

Six-Claws & Ostrich • He’s just a sweet dad! the little we see of him he seems to really love her & vice-versa <3 they’re just neat

Design Note: Six-Claws is based on a king cobra & is a specific sub-“species” of hooded Sandwings ! Burn found his hood mutation & six-claws super interesting

Tamarin & Pike • My fav background friendship! They’re just fun. I like Pike just chillin out around Tamarin & describing flower colors to her to the best of his ability (she just likes to hear him ramble about a shared interest)

Design Notes: I updated how I draw Tamarins eyes to properly resemble a blind-born dragon ! Also Pike’s deisgn got some yellow in it and I really like it <3

Whiteout & Thoughtful • I just think they’re neat!! They just seem like a sweet pair love them

Design Note: none really! Just experimenting with a rando Thoughtful design that I tossed together for my “ships tier list”

Tsunami • Its just her :) my fav dragon <3!!! I definitely dont think she upholds the “princess” title once she gets older, her only link to the throne is by Coral insisting monthly visits but Tsu otherwise wouldn’t be any interesting in royal life I would imagine

Design Note: Shes caught a waaururrghh something im going bonkers I cant remember what fish that is and my reference photo seems to have dissipated into the cosmos

Anemone • I LOVE HER. SO MUCH ! Anemone haters BACK OFF!!!! Her relationship to her powers is so fucked man. Something you’d think would give her power & control is just a key by which others use to manipulate and abuse her like . Man :( shes literally never had any autonomy over her own identity & intermingled her powers into her identity So Much only for that aspect of herself to also be revealed to be a facade for someone else’s desires like. GUH I love her so much I hope shes having a good day I dont care what anyone says she deserves to be a brat and I support her for it

Design Note: none really! The stars in her talons are just metaphorical though

Snowflake & Snowfox • THE OGS!!!!!! MY FAVORITE PROBLEMATIC LESBIANS <3 Ahhh remember in the early days when they were considered the #1 most problematic ship because they were gay and also evil. I love the evil lesbians so much they’re so shitty sorry Darkstalker Snowfox should’ve been queen I would’ve loved to see that go down it’d be so silly

Design Notes: Snowfox is based on an arctic fox shedding into their summer coat!! I know its p . Away from canon descriptors of her but it was sm fun to illustrate so shhh <3 Snowflake is just grey & blueish per-canon but shes sooo fun. love her.

Okay thats all here are the individual illustrations now !!!!! Because why not !!! If these aren’t transparent its all over

[witchofthesouls]

I would love to see you write some more culture differences between the bots and humans. If you wouldn’t mind :0 I wish we saw some in TFP

Same here. I love seeing world-building and deep lore, especially with other fantasy/sci-fi civilizations.

TFP gave us so much and so little at the same time. It's like going to a restaurant, you have a drink and great appetizers, so you're constantly waiting for the entrée that isn't coming!

TFP is also really fascinating when looking at it with the lens of the caste system and its deep roots within and among the 'bots, even their reduced circumstances. I get the feeling that Optimus is way more casual in way with his team than what the decorum would demand, even with his barriers.

The Autobots would find human cityscapes as quaint. Even the dense sprawls of megacities with towering high rises are paltry reminder of what they're used to.

Cybertron was a planet where its wilds had been tamed. Either reshaped or completely stripped. The Wastelands is/was an apt name for the baren landscapes outside the established city-states.

It wasn't just a large difference in public transport and zoning and sheer scale. It was also the functional design and architecture.

City-states mimicked the layouts of Titans' ground alt-modes. They didn't sprawl outward. Those had set perimeters based on Titans' outer defenses. Instead, the cities expanded up or down.

It wasn't limited to just a parking structure or secretive bases. Whole levels housed entire communities of what castes resided there: occupations, hospitals, sewage, refineries, restaurants, entertainment, and so much. Some mecha go without ever seeing the sunlight or feel real wind, especially those at the lowest of the system. The lowest castes are set all the way at the bottom, among ancient tech and dilapidated buildings. Sorting and recycling what could be kept and what must be sent back to the upper levels.

The concept of "open to the public" would confuse the Autobots. The Golden Age operated its society under the strict overview of a caste system, which expanded to "where" and "what" individuals of a caste could access.

Monster truck rallies fall under bloodsport to them. Bulkhead once scavenged money to watch and do small bets at high-stakes drift racing and lower-tier gladiator matches below the ground. Mecha still had to pay entrance fees to it.

Parks were under the Artisanal caste. Blending murals of legends, careful tending to fauna that are functionally extinct that was tailored to the agreed aesthetic, live music from specific pupils of masters, playing on instruments that merged with the gardens, so it was difficult to tell what was a tool and a plant or animal. And entry to any of it was only allowed for certain castes.

Universities were thriving, self-contained communities, and major points of power. No one off the list would be allowed into its grounds. All visitors and short-term guests were deeply screened and monitored. There is no such thing as "dropping by." Everything is meticulously planned and prepared. Unless a faculty member personally vouches for a guest, they must heed the numerous rules or a risk permanent banning.

Academia had long since been territorial over its talents and quality of its programs and people. They refuse to allow anyone outside its jurisdiction to bully one of its own. No matter the rank or caste, it will close its inescapable jaws around an outsider.

The fact that someone could go to a private university and simply jog upon its grounds is mind-boggling to the 'bots.

As well as libraries and their courses and workshops. So anyone can go? Anyone?! Everyone has access to the knowledge!? Can anyone simply go join a seminar on local gardening? Anyone can just go to a playground and start swinging or playing basketball or flying a kite or dancing to music? Anyone?

Bulkhead had a lot of questions for Jack and Raf since they're locals compared to Miko.

"So anyone can go?"

"Yeah. I used to spend my recess looking up bird anatomy and Ancient Greece and Egypt."

"You had a thing for ancient civilizations?" Raf asked.

"Doesn't everyone?" Jack shrugged. "Pharoahs and gladiators and old gods? We ate that up with mystery books or Goosebumps."

"I read Sherlock Holmes and the Chronicles of Narnia."

"Those are classics. Hey, did you get into The Lo-"

"Hold up," Bulkhead cut in, crouched down and leaning more forward, as if sharing a secret and quietly ask, "So anyone?"

"Yes. Anyone." Jack repeated, rapidly firing off each point with a finger. "Their family. Their friends. Their classmates. Their coworkers. Their pe-"

"Even, let's say, a construction worker. He could just go inside and pick up, I don't know, quantum physics? Anatomy of any frames? Gardening?"

"Sure." Raf squinted and moved to wipe off his glasses with his sleeves. "Clubs and people like to donate more to expand the base. Some of the college professors even leave early editions of their textbooks." Raf readjusted his glasses and beamed. "It's for easier access people and for an industrial copier."

"Oh..." There was a wealth of meaning in that small noise.

"You..." Jack struggled on the concept. Perhaps giant metal aliens didn't need books and could download information from their own internet. "You don't have libraries or schools?"

"No. We did." Bulkhead sighed. "I just wasn't allowed into them."

Out of all of them, Miko would be the to come the closest to understanding them in some ways. 出る杭は打たれる. The nail that sticks out gets hammered in.

As a transfer student from Japan, Miko does have instances of culture clashes with her American classmates and host family.

She's loud. She knows that. But Americans are a different breed with no restraint. In some ways, admirable. In others, incredibly frustrating.

Miko is used to a far heavier workload with long hours after-school and a busy city life. Jasper qualifies between a small and large town that she can't walk around easily on her own with the blazing heat and bitter cold nights and the lack of a car or a bike.

Detention in the US is a joke to her. Stay in school after it's over? She's used to doing that back at home with clubs and cleaning it. On a Saturday? Same thing. Some clubs back home ran long hours over the weekend. Do homework? She already finished it during lunch or between classes because she wants all the other time to herself and the 'bots.

Because Bulkhead gets a realization just how free the kids' social mobility is, he tries to get on Miko over her scrapping at school and her assignments, especially after Ratchet's high jacking their science projects resulted in failure. And that was another strange blow since Ratchet is a medic and a scientist. She's smart and quick and can be rough around the edges and so everywhere, and, to him, Miko deserves everything she could want in her short life. (And wasn't that also a terrifying concept to grasp? To just live and die under a single vorn?)

At first, Miko was getting annoyed because it's similar to the well-meaning nagging her host family does, but she reads the worry he has, and they have to really sit down and speak and soothe over his misunderstandings.

It comes as a huge surprise to her that Bulkhead can just download a language into him. Context and colloquialisms would be missing, and he needs work because he's a mix between extreme formality and, much to her delight, yakuza. And it's all because of her own frustration that English is her second language.

[lakesbian]

okay, as i have been encouraged by the public (like 2 people) to go forward with this research, i present the very scientific Tier List of Blonde Wildbow Characters Ranked From Most to Least Likely to Have A Piss Kink. virtually no one wanted this post. i did not want this post. it is 2.1k words long. i wanted to inform you of that before you clicked read more in case you were just expecting a tier list image and did not actually want to read 2.1k words about piss kinks.

wherein:

the tier list exists because of this ask, which was written in jesting response to the subject of victoria dallon's canon piss kink (more on that below) and somewhat intentionally misrepresented by me as being contextless because i thought it was funny to crop it and reply with 'ok.' which led to a massive containment breach and several thousand people not realizing anon was trying to make a joke. sorry. my bad, anon.

here, "likelihood of having a piss kink" is defined as "likelihood of having a kink that involves primarily or significantly urine," and genre of piss kink shall be clarified for the characters where it's a possibility.

no pictures are included for the characters because not all of them have fanart and also there's a lot of them and the tier list is only so big and i'm lazy

characters i do not know well enough to vibe check are not included

rationally speaking it would make most sense to presume that unless a character has a canon or heavily implied piss kink it is heavily implausible for them to have one but this post would be boring and pointless if i went that route so i'm going to include some somewhat baseless vibe-checking/discussion of hypotheticals where it's not explicitly disproven or improbable. with my bestest attempts to remain reasonable levels of character accurate given the post circumstances.

our ranks here are:

canon: this character canonically has a piss kink

highly plausible: there is strong contextual evidence that could be used to argue for the presence of a piss kink

plausible: based on more vibes/less solid evidence than "highly plausible," but a piss kink is still possible

could go either way: there is a lack of evidence in either direction, there's no way to make a clear argument on the matter

not very plausible: there is decent contextual evidence or simply Character Vibes that could be used to argue against the presence of a piss kink

strong evidence against: it can be deemed nigh-certain that this character does not have a piss kink

The Chart:

the characters who were not included because i do not know them personally (opinions welcomed):

all three ashleys

bianca

The Analysis:

Canon:

victoria: stated by wildbow to have some kind of "preferred fluid" you shouldn't drink, knows what urine tastes like. canon watersports kink. i hate her. i hope she stands within 20 feet of fentanyl and overdoses and dies. i hope she goes down a slide too hard.

Highly Plausible:

citrine: we know that accord is certainly and without doubt enough of a control freak (<- said w/ deep affection) that he insists that his ambassadors refrain from Wanton and Unprofessional Bathroom Breaks, but also insists that they never indicate they have to pee (or engage in any other basic bodily function) ever because that's Icky and if they do he will want to Rube Goldberg Machine But The Machine Is A Saw Trap them about it. and we know that citrine gets off on him being a control freak. it can thus be reasonably extrapolated that she's constantly doing accidental omorashi w/ accord and is just as into that as she is all the other aspects of control. the piss is incidental--the main point is still whatever appeals to her about the control in general--but, like, The Piss Is There. extremely does not want to experience what would happen if she ever even remotely fucked up holding, but presumably enjoys the mortifying ordeal of attempting to politely excuse herself to the restroom and/or stoically holding so she doesn't have to excuse herself in the first place.

paige (pact): she textually, literally, canonically, For Fucking Real, is a lesbian who enters into the world of pactverse magic because she's tempted by a hypothetical dom/sub dynamic with a hot professor who is actually a sphinx. (if any of you who haven't read pact yet are reading this post. Please go read pact.) this extrapolation is less blatant than citrine, but it's by no means unreasonable to assume that there could be some bladder control going on here. she can go to the bathroom when she's a good girl and finishes answering all of isadora's questions. etc. hey do you think pactverse would have really hardcore RACK omorashi where you make a statement that you are NOT going to go until [x amount of time] and it's your karma on the line if you fuck it up. i bet people with executive dysfunction in pact do this type of shit a lot. they're like i am going to start my homework RIGHT NOW!!! and then they Have to. i digress.

Plausible:

peter: we have no information about his love life beyond him flirting with ainsley amidst a Serious Disaster involving Demons, so this is just vibes-based, but he's mean and manipulative and unpleasant in a specific way that could theoretically insinuate that he would enjoy accidentally-on-purpose preventing a girl from getting to the bathroom & watching her squirm. you'll have to trust me on this.

Could Go Either Way:

ellie: my consultant re the pelhams vibes-based ranked her higher than peter, but i don't see it. i could see her having one, but it'd be in a different and grosser direction than peter. i feel like blake's comparison of her to a weak, groveling dog in a pack may be relevant here.

rose (old): i don't strongly see it, but based on what we know about her sex life i wouldn't be surprised if she participated in any heat-of-the-moment watersports.

rose (young): somehow coming in with the exact right bizarre psychosexual complexes to score higher than both blake and pre-meiosis thorburn. i don't think it's likely, but i somehow don't see a reason to mark her down as entirely implausible. her theoretical psychosexual complex about blake is marked by a few facts: she says that he has a "hate-on" for her, she does that weird thing where she hugs him for comfort & lets him give her his jacket (what if the lamb you were leading to slaughter was the man you could've been, and for just a moment, you wanted to take kindness from The Man You Could've Been despite the fact that, because you are not him, you will betray him regardless), when he sacrifices himself to fuse with/bolster her the fusing is described in ostensibly sexual language (being Inside her, the two halves grinding, etc), and she does that whole noticeable twice-over to his almost-naked body. she would absolutely never admit to wanting to fuck her "clone," but were she to envision it, the scenario she would mentally craft would involve blake wanting to fuck her (he never would & she knows this) and, like, eating her out like he wants to kill her or doing some boot frotting with splinters. oh and she would give him the most awkward dry unpleasant handjob on the planet where she's very clearly treating him like a program to experiment with, press button A and find out if it gets result B. I digress. one could also imagine a theoretical rose thorburn piss kink which remains an entirely subconscious psychosexual fixation that she freudian-slips into conversation at least once a la "hate-on," wherein the ideal scenario for her earlier into the book would be wetting herself for reasons entirely against her control despite being so very brave and stalwart and stoic, and imaginary blake is like "wow you were so brave and stoic about that...it's ok everyone has gotten into an awkward spot once or twice in their lives. in fact, [personal recounting of relevant horrible memory]. here have my jacket i will tie it around your waist for you with a lingering amount of physical contact." and later into the book that would switch to just Making The Fuck Up that he'd be really mean and humiliating about it and then getting mad about her imaginary vision of him doing that even though he literally would not do that ever. (the hypothetical of him being mean about it would be a kink thing for her also obviously. Hate On, she says.) okay sorry for talking so much about rose thorburn's psychosexual fixation with blake thorburn i think it's really funny for her to be extremely abnormal about the clonefucking quandary.

fell: i don't actually know him well enough to postulate what genre it would be if he hypothetically had one but despite not Expecting that he has one i wouldn't find it wholly implausible if wildbow got up tomorrow and made an announcement declaring that he does. i think this could be utilized primarily for the humor purposes of, like. blake being like "hey i know we can't really pull over right now BUT could you pull over? i need to take a leak. should i say want to? is it technically lying if i say need but it's not an emergency yet?" and fell being like No. Do Not Say Another Word On This Subject And Also I Hate You. which is because he is desperately and fervently and furiously and with great and genuine anger and rage attempting to Not think about Blake Thorburn, A Conventionally Attractive And Very Annoying Man, having to pee. but blake interprets it as fell being an asshole for no reason and is like ohhh ok fuck you i guess should i just pee on your seat then. you want me to ruin your car seat? [accusatory, fully bluffing, would rather kill himself than piss in fell's car] you're a car guy who doesn't even care about your fancy white upholstery? and fell is like [desperately doing mental math on if blake thorburn, whomst is already covered in fleas and bloods and mysterious liquids, would be petty enough to intentionally piss himself to ruin fell's car] . I will make you walk. like you can see my vision right.

Not Very Plausible:

kathryn: i simply do not see it. she could have something weird going on but it's not a piss kink. the vibes are not being served.

sandra: also a simple matter of the vibes not being there. has probably been exposed to it at one time or another but sees it as undignified and so on

callan: not sensing it

lisa: bathroom shit is surely beyond mundane to her just like everyone elses private bodily workings thoughts feelings etc. i dont even think she has any kinks or interest in sex in general

crystal: this is the only interesting one in this section! she was described to me as "very laid back, but also kind of passive. she's a slob in her private life. sort of goes with the flow to the point that it led her joining a paramilitary force with no oversight." i think being in the dallon-pelham torment nexus sort of intrinsically adds +20 Not Likely points unless youre victoria but i can only assume from this description of her personality that if someone she was fucking was into it she would just roll with it.

neil: was described to me as "neil barely gets anything. he's kind of reckless? he trained victoria a lot. he cheated on his wife with her sister. he liked knocking toddler-aged victoria over as a form of 'training.'" probably not very likely at all but who knows. maybe "declines to fuck sarah and watches panty pissing porn instead" is on his list of secrets next to "cheated on his wife with her sister."

Strong Evidence Against:

carol, paige (worm) (this is canary in case you forgot like i did), cuff, theo, sarah: the club of generic respectable milquetoast cishets who would not do any of that shit and would probably judge someone at least a little for any amount of kink (or in some cases even vanilla sex <3), with paige coming on on the less-judgemental end of the scale and carol coming in at the high end of the judgement scale.

ciara: not generic milquetoast or respectable but the idea of her being into it is just like. silly to me. faerie queens aren't into piss that would be ridiculous. unless they're pactverse faerie queens, then it's a "got bored of it 31 centuries ago" situation, but ciara is not a pactverse faerie.

elle: already struggles with keeping up with hygiene and like...general Existence. surely would not associate any bodily function w/ anything but a task to complete or a mess to clean (<- other task). also presumably might need help going to the bathroom/being reminded that she needs to go sometimes so that certainly would not b anywhere near sexual to her

scion: uh. well. I don't think he knows what any of that shit is to be real with you. Does he even fucking count as blonde?

blake: is textually extremely triggered and distressed and disgusted by being dirty/unclean & losing control over his physical body, to the point where not being able to regularly shave is actively seriously detrimental to his mental health. his tragic character arc of having his identity degraded to the point where "is that still blake" becomes debatable a la ship-of-theseus question is viscerally represented by the fact that bogeyman-blake is just constantly filthy, to the point of turning snow into gray, stained slush when he walks thru it. struggling to deal with basic bodily functions & cleanliness while homeless absolutely severely traumatized him. he would react to someone else wetting themselves with, like, appropriately blake-like levels of kindness & concern, but he would still 100% find the actual piss disgusting. he would try to avoid showing it, but he would find it disgusting. we see him reacting with immense horror to conquest threatening to make him soil himself. if he were ever actually forced into a circumstance where he was genuinely worried about the possibility of pissing himself--let alone if he actually did so--he would have a Category 5 DEFCON 1 Mental Health Moment. all of which is a great reason he should have pissed himself at least once during pact! (<- i just elaborated on this point at such great length i had to force myself to backspace it all and move onto the next bulletpoint)

PMT: exact same trauma as blake. because you know. They were Blake before they got got. unlike blake, still capable of wanting to fuck people, but, like, We Know They're Not Doing Anything With Piss. leatherdyke piss kinkster pmt is a beautiful beautiful vision but its not true.

there you go. thats it. thats the tierlist.

[yourdeepestfathoms]

a Pathologic tier list based on how good of an adult the characters are to Clara, a child

this is based on P1, but the tier list site i was using only had the P2 models!

i was meant to have longer, more in-depth explanations, but then i got lazy 😅 so i just have some basic reasoning!

also i haven’t replayed the Changeling route in a few months, so i’m going off of memory!

Actually A Kind, Considerate Adult To A Stressed and Traumatized Child

Lara- Lara is hands down the best adult in this entire game. She’s kind, understanding, and patient with Clara. She never insults her, and even when Clara is being a bit snooty, she still treats her gently. She also literally has a line where she points out that Clara is a child struggling with an immense burden. She calls attention to the fact that she’s just a kid, which NOBODY ELSE DOES.

“Poor thing, I’m so sorry for you. I wouldn’t want to carry your burden.”

It can kinda be read as pity, but pity is better than the cruelty and ignorance to her situation most of the others give her.

Also she has the one voice like where she’s like, “Poor child, she’s so tired” in reference to Clara.

Lara stays winning fr fr

The Tragedians and Executors- Idk if these guys can count, but they’re here anyway. They’re always so nice to Clara, calling her little pet names and explaining stuff to her in a kind way. They talk to her like how adults talk to young children, which she is. And it’s wild how these bitches beat THE ENTIRETY OF THE WHOLE CAST, minus Lara.

A Good Adult

Oyun- I actually cannot believe this guy is this high.

Surprisingly, he’s actually pretty nice to Clara. If not nice, then very respectful. He treats her like a queen.

Rubin- He’s chill with her 👍 (if i remember correctly)

Yulia- Similar to Rubin, she’s chill toward Clara, minus, I think, one little offhand comment that’s kind of rude. But compared to what some of the bitches below say to her, it may as well be a compliment.

Decent But Has Their Moments

Artemy- So, I feel like Artemy is very neutral toward Clara. There is that part in the Changeling route where he sends her a letter where he threatens to kill her, BUT that only happens if you rat out his location to Daniil, so it’s not a set event that always happens.

He speaks to her very curtly, and you can get the sense that he’s probably annoyed by her presence, but he’s not outwardly verbally abusing her unlike others.

If this were a ranking based on P2 interactions, however, he would be WAY LOWER because jfc, he is SO MEAN to Clara.

Daniil- So, he was actually lower at first, but then I saw some really good posts talking about how he cares for Clara in his own way (giving her money, keeping her in the Stillwater, worrying over her)—even if they are a little unconventional.

However, that doesn’t erase the fact that he is still pretty awful to her at times. I mean, he literally threatens to kill her twice, one of which happened when he first met her.

I love the “Daniil is a reluctant father figure to Clara” so much, but I also don’t think he would be any higher than this.

Also, like Artemy, if this were for interactions in P2, he would absolutely be lower.

Neutral

Olgimsky- I think he and Clara talk exactly two (2) times, and both interactions are short and don’t really do anything for the story (if i remember correctly). Also I don’t think they give af about each other at all.

Bad Grief- Neutral. I could have put him higher, actually. He seemed actually kind of nice.

Eva- Same with Bad Grief. Her interaction with Clara wasn’t hostile at all.

Victor- I’ll be real with y’all- I don’t remember them talking 😭

Not A Good Adult

Maria- She’s my second favorite character in the whole game (just behind Clara ofc), but even I can’t deny how cruel she is to Clara. She is SO MEAN.

Aspity- I actually had no idea where to put her. At first, she was in the “decent” section, but that didn’t seem right. Then she was in “Neutral,” but that didn’t seem right, either. Finally, I just decided to put her here. Because, looking back on their interactions, they were pretty hostile.

I don’t think Aspity liked Clara. A lot of the things she said to Clara were either vaguely threatening or directly threatening.

Anna Angel- She was so rude to Clara in the Haruspex route when Clara came running to her house, crying, on Day 6. Also I remember her making shots at Clara often.

Georgiy- Literally threatened to kill Clara the moment he met her. Enough said.

Mark- I remember this bitch ass being snappy with her. Which is good enough for me.

Vlad Jr.- This dude isn’t necessarily mean, but I do remember him being weirdly fanatical toward Clara. He spoke to her like she wasn’t a child but rather someone to be idolized.

Peter- He also wasn’t rude, but I just felt very uncomfortable every time he talked to her. He didn’t speak to her like a child but rather an adult. And yeah, a lot of people did that, but he was just so creepy to me. He acted like she was a goddess or something. It really rubbed me the wrong way.

Block- This may be a bit of an unpopular opinion, but I just can’t put this guy anywhere but here.

Yes, he was kind to her, but he also idolized her, which is just…Not Very Good. Also he fully tries to bring her to war?? If you say no when he first makes the offer, he literally ignores her and keeps going on about it which is a huge red flag.

Horrible Fucking Person

Andrey- I can’t stand this guy. Y’all don’t understand how deep my hatred for him goes. But this spot isn’t even a biased decision he is, SO CRUEL. The way he screams in Clara’s face when she went to his bar?? And yeah, he’s kinda right in some sense, she isn’t old enough to fully understand what she’s doing, but that is not her fault in any way. The blame should fall upon Katerina for making her run around indoctrinating people, not her. And he shouldn’t have yelled at a little girl, spewing insults at her, because at that point, his argument is meaningless when it directly attacks her.

He’s terrible. I hate him.

What The Fuck Is Wrong With You

Aglaya- Basically every word she spoke to Clara felt like a shotgun blast to the chest and had my jaw on the FLOOR. I was not expecting the sheer disgust and hatred she had toward this child.

As such, I have compiled a short list of some of the things she said to Clara:

1. Calls her a “dim, pathetic creature”

2. Calls her insane and deranged

3. Accuses her of having a split personality disorder and being schizophrenic

4. “Prohibits her from existing”

5. Says she has to leave the town or else she’ll have her executed

Among other stuff.

Obligatory “Awful Parents” Spot

The Saburovs- I could go on about how horrible these guys are. Not even just as people, but as parents, too.

The neglect, the exploitation, the abuse, the total disregard for Clara’s feelings when she comes back traumatized while carrying a severed head, the way she’s used to inaugurate people into a religion…

They are truly awful people, and they do not deserve Clara.

[joltning]

@fishfingersalad it’s almost 2am but i can’t sleep and ts probably only going to be seen by like 5 people anyway so let it rip

this au started out as a self indulgent pocket sized au that I ignore as all my aus do…..then I couldn’t sleep and started imagining things im good at that. it started as an au I could do ship focus on and well I love lore I guess. despite all this the main story still focuses on my blorbos. maybe I will make a storyline for the main cast, if I can imagine things again

one day, all across (abridged) America (this is why I made that carolina/puerto rico/dc post btw), 50 children, each for 1 state, pop up at the same time, with varying ages, mostly tween years but with some variation up and down. while some are humanoid creatures, others are completely monstrous and lack sentience. however, they all share one common factor: a tag identifying what state they came from. The majority of the sentient ones assume this is their name, and that’s why they run with it.

conspiracy theorists and cryptid fans nationwide take notice of a bunch of shit happening overnight and develop “The 50” list. depending on if it’s commonly agreed upon what monster you are and if it’s commonly agreed upon what state you’re from, you’ll be ranked higher or lower on the list, with, of course, the highest ranking being the most sought after and hidden. Most of the higher tiered creatures are humanoid; it’s easier to blend in if you don’t look out of place

i forgot to mention Btw it’s like. myths and legends and shit too. i mentioned york being the pied Piper I also think the implication that the pied Piper is a monster is funny. also only one monster per person and

ofc my blorbos…….Everyone run now!!!! Ohio has just moved to a new city yay go girl But her coworkers are fucked up!!! There’s this bitch Sherry that she may or may not have a crush on and like her two little friends who absolutely know that. but Watch out there’s a freaky green man It’s Georgia her old friend Georgia. they were their first freelancer friends but geo Loves making deals for souls slash servitude slash their power slash take over the world slash he doesn’t know what souls are and neither do I. but they gotta be normal and not fight in the office.!!! And fight outside of a Walmart at 2 instead. he’s kinda bad at it though which is why only Ohio cares.

anywya Sherry keeps running into Ohio and Georgia fighting and you know Ohio’s kind of like. well if you see her when she’s not masking you’ll probably go insane huh. so Ohio has to keep wiping her memories and Sherry’s getting CRAZY deja vu.

this is so stressful Good thing Ohio’s got her trusty friends Iowa and Idaho!!! They’re causing chaos somewhere else but she’s always texting them and video chatting. hopefully they can meet up again soon!!

Utah is a paranormal investigator and currently georgia’s only the only person who’s currently made a deal with him. he’s made past deals but Ohio scared them off by ‘Do Not Be Afraid’ing them. it’s either that or they have to get killed lest the green fuck get too powerful and Ohio would rather not do that thanks. utah doesn’t even get anything in return he just wants to know wtf is going on tbh. Georgia stays at his apartment because he’s a squatter I guess

well That’s too bad I guess I can’t share any more because they’re just plotpoints. hey do you wanna know what the other freelancers are

Ohio: Angel (duh. So low because when she spawned she was literally in the middle of a bunch of people and blinded them with her corporeal form)

Georgia: Demon (the devil but literally this time. manages to be a little higher due to being able to teleport short distances. Stayed a little too close to home base, though.)

Iowa: Harpy (kept flying in the air like a dumbass everyone fucking saw him. denialists claim it to be a big bird. and they’re right.)

Idaho: Werewolf (he didn’t know until a full moon came out. oops.)

Carolina: Siren (keeps the bad singing voice.)

York: pied piper….

Wash: Shapeshifter

Florida: Alien (when he came on the fated day he rode in on a meteor instead of plopping in, breaking off the state from the rest of the US. its highly debated on whether or not the meteor itself was the creature.)

Maine: Bigfoot (but he shaves his whole body every day so he just looks like a big guy)

Connie: Kitsune

Wyoming: Fairy (despite being obvious, no one fuckinh lives in wyoming so he just flew far away immediately. fucks up the rankings of others by being spotted far away from his state.)

North: The Sandman (Both spawned across from eachother at the 2 state’s borders. They immediately declared eachother twins.)

South: Mare/Dream Eater (Their high ranking is very dependent on the confusion on which twin is which, since they work together to sleep and then feast.)

Tex: Ghost

you may see here I did not include Utah Did I forget No No No (kinda) I have an idea for what he is but i don’t intent to reveal it ever really. idk how id incorporate that. jsut know I searched really hard to find a creature that wasn’t a ghost that disrupted electromagnetic fields so that every time he went ghost hunting the machines would go off causing him to assert there was a ghost there. but no alas I did not find that

ok tahts it I think. for now. maybe. if you have any ideas for this background fucks wise or rnbs wise I would like them. for meThanks goodnight im gonna pass blout Out Out

[kankrisbiggestfan]

TRIGGER WARNING. this talks about the movie “Tusk” (body horror movie) if youve never seen pictures or heard about this, i highly recommend NOT!!!! searching it up. im being so on god it takes a lot of time to get used to its like human centipede, absolutely grotesque

ill never get why people shit on the movie “Tusk” so much. is it horrific? absolutely! is it sad? yeah man go ahead say that, and it absolutely is gross. but thats the point, it’s supposed to disturb people. and the funny thing is this was based entirely off a podcast where some guys talked about this video about someone pretending to be a walrus. its stupid, and thats the point. the costume design is absolutely immaculate and im the one to appreciate stuff like that because it really is so great. if you’ve watched the documentary on making the movie, you’ve seen how happy everyone was to be apart of this even if it was probably one of the stupidest movies ever created, but then again that was the point. Ive seen SO many Kevin Smith fans put this movie on the bottom of their tier list and i literally dont get it, its a satire movie meant to scare the living shit out of the viewers and they obviously succeeded in that because when i first saw clips of it i stayed awake at night until like 3 AM💀 Now i own the physical copy of the movie, multiple walrus items and it’s literally became one of my special interests,,,,, there was TONS of warnings by other viewers that people could’ve easily read before watching a disgusting body horror movie about a walrus. they got Justin Long to act as the main character and wear that stupid walrus suit and he looked so happy doing that, even for the purpose of making a movie that would obviously be hated. and the creators knew this before making the movie, they were aware that it would be controversial and slandered but they still did it because it’s supposed to be satire!!!!! im not saying you gotta like this movie because obviously its not everyone’s thing, but people should stop treating it like its the worst piece of cinema ever made because there’s obviously worse stuff. trust me there are so many other body horror movies with similar themes and plots to tusk, tusk isn’t necessarily as unique as some people say it is. people who enjoy the movie aren’t trying to be “edgy” or “different” and stuff like that, its a fictional satire movie about a walrus with Justin Long’s face on it, and its one of the stupidest things ever written, but the very small fanbase really appreciates how obscure it is

(this is so tumblr of me im turning into a true tumblr user)

[casualheizouenjoyers]

☆.｡.:* 18. say that we'll just screw it up ✍︎

previous | masterlist | next

☆.｡.:*   cruel summer

☆.｡.:*  synopsis: you are a small streamer centered on cozy gaming and your ongoing series of ranking every taylor swift song in a tier list. scaramouche is a competitive speed runner in a streamer group called “the harbingers” that has an insanely large fan base. your paths only cross once he subtweets about your content and your favorite artist, causing a petty online argument that might lead to something else.

ㅤ ╰ཱི ࣭ ࣪ ❁𝆬  ࣭  ྏ ࣭  ͘ ｡ ࣪ ✐ yntaylorsversion is interning!  ̣ ࣪ ྌ  

the next time you saw Scaramouche at your internship, you’re balancing books on your desk to create a makeshift tripod.

“What are you doing?” Scaramouche said as he slammed something down on your desk, causing your phone and books to go tumbling down.

It had turned out that Yae’s publishing house didn’t have a TikTok page. No matter your feelings on the app, you were a streamer first before a social media intern. Not having one was like turning away free advertisement.

After a good thirty minutes explaining to your boss why it would be beneficial, you were given the green light to make an account and start making videos on it. You then had to go through the kind of boring process of setting up the account and getting it verified, but once that was done, you were set.

“Hey my sh— Is that the tour shirt from the Taylor swift concert??!” You gasp, picking up the shirt from where Scaramouche had placed it.

“Obviously?” Scaramouche rolls his eyes. “What else would it be?”

“I don’t know,” You said with a goofy smile. You honestly didn’t think you were going to get a shirt from the concert at all. “Aww, I didn’t know you would do something so nice for me,”

“The fuck makes you think I got it for you? Childe made me get it for myself, but obviously I don’t want it,” Scaramouche crosses his arms.

“Right, but you still gave it to me so…”

“Do you want the shirt or not?”

“Fineee,” You grin. “Thank you, though, really!”

“Whatever,” He said, walking away.

You see Scaramouche again that day. he’s following around Yae Miko… the ceo of the company. You decided it was your job as an intern to stay out of the way.

“Kuni, would you be a dear and reschedule the meeting I have at six to be at seven? And add a spa and nail appointment at five. My nails are getting a bit too long,” Mrs. Miko said as she walks past the various unpaid interns working in the office, who all followed the same rule as many would at a school. Don’t make eye contact and you won’t be called on.

“And then send a message to your mother asking what date she would like to host our next charity event,” Scaramouche passes by your desk with a deadpanned and tired stare, and you figured you were lucky you didn’t have whatever his job was.

“Oh, and once you’re done with that, go ahead and fetch me my order from the coffee shop across the street,” She adds, turning to look at him. “Got it?”

Scaramouche replies with gritted teeth. “Got it,”

It turns out people on the internet tend to eat up whatever content you give them if you put trending audios on the videos you post, however eventually people get a little tired of the sixth books as Taylor swift songs tiktoks you post. It’s not to say that doesn’t work, no, you managed to get quite a following on the brand account.

It isn’t until you came up with a better idea of interviewing authors that the following grew to be something similar to other brands on the app.

Starting off with Kokomi Sangonomiya, author of a ongoing fantasy novel series, many people found interest in the idea of asking questions to their favorite authors and their books. With the success comes a budget and an actual job offering.

It isn’t until you’re sitting with Xingqiu, a young and best selling author, that you realize your relationship with Scaramouche has certainly changed a bit from what it originally was.

You’re given a small space to record, decorated nicely for the author to sit and discuss. You fidget around with the camera settings as it was different from the one you used at home.

A small knock comes and you turn to see Scaramouche standing in the door way with a take out bag.

“Figured you didn’t eat lunch,” He said, placing the bag on an empty table. It was about a month into your internship turned job and you had made a small habit of eating lunch with Scaramouche. It was honestly nice to get to know him outside of streaming.

“Oh! Hi, Scara,” You perk up, pulling away from the camera you were adjusting. "Hiding from your step mom?” You jokingly ask, ignoring that he was right and you actually hadn’t eaten lunch yet.

“Only a little,” He replies. “I got something from the Sumeruan place you like,”

Your face lights up. You forgot you had even mentioned that restaurant to him beforehand.

Xingqiu clears his throat a bit awkwardly.

Right, back to filming….

authors note: being real w u guys im not interested in writing this story anymore so im kinda rushing the plot a lil so i can finish this story so its not left unfinished. also dream mentioned in the first image is a ref to aris's new smau on this blog <3 also this is the 100th post on this blog teehee

☆.｡.:*  taglist: @raideneiari @starryeyedkoko @lightlyfeatheredquailqin @thenightsflower @isa-solasun @lilactaro @imdeadlyboredhelp @arizzu @turningfrogsgay @icedmocha1 @feverish-dove @xiaosonlybeloved @sukunasrealgf @eutopiastar @shinunoga-iie-wa @pheonix-eclipse @crueldinasty @sashiette @hotgirlshit5 @certaindreampost @atlaincorrect@aludicpoet@justawalkingdisaster @m3gitsune @mechanicalbeat1 @distinguished-simp @mayacheiko @r4yyyyy @kkazuyass @angelunatic @kunikuzushisbeloved @bubblegum-angelquartz @fangygf @yuyudoesdrugs @kitsuvil @xiaossocksniffer @scarletttcroww @fanficaddictedmushroom @crucnhice @exhaustedcommunist @sleepysoda21 @bubbabobabubbles @kaoyamamegami

[d-8tober]

D8Tober Prompt List (Long Version)

FAQ for the event is available here and the prompts-only version is available here

The Shining

Characters facing an extended period of isolation together, such as a deserted island or a snowed-in building

One of a bazillion movies based off Stephen King stories. A family goes to take care of a haunted hotel for the winter, trapping them with each other. There's probably three movies on this list that are genuine indisputable classics not just within horror but also for movies in general; this is the first of those three. If you haven't seen it, I'd recommend it just for the level of cultural references that depend on it even now.

Do you recommend it?

Absolutely.

Are there sequels?

There's a tv miniseries version made because Stephen King notoriously hated both the Kubrick version and Kubrick himself; it's a soulless mess. There's also a direct sequel made just a few years ago that tries to be a followup both to the King novel version and the Kubrick movie, Doctor Sleep; it got a little overlooked from some bad timing on the release but it's actually incredible and I HIGHLY recommend it.

Saw

Characters making a difficult choice or a required sacrifice.

If you're not a horror fan and you've heard of Saw, you've probably heard it called torture porn. That's a reputation that's almost entirely earned by the sequels, however - the original Saw is a hyper-low budget movie that borders more on thriller than horror, starring Cary Elwes (of Princess Bride and Robin Hood: Men in Tights fame) doing what may be the worst American accent in the history of movies. It's a very grimy movie, for certain, but it's also kind of a taut little mystery.

Do you recommend it?

Yes, though not that strongly.

Are there sequels?

Yes, and they're where the series gets its reputation. The movies involve a theoretically continuous plotline, and they manage to get incredibly convoluted and also increasingly gorey. Personally, I'd recommend just stopping after the first one.

Pet Semetary

A character's favorite pet or other animal.

Another King story, and also a book the man himself claims he can't remember writing and thinks is his most miserable story. I don't think either of the two movie version are that good, but they can be okay - I can't even talk about them without giving away the most major twist, really.

Do you recommend it?

Not really, but it's not actively terrible.

Are there sequels?

There's a recent remake, and the original movie had a truly awful sequel. I'm also told there was a direct-to-Paramount+ prequel to the remake, which I'm sure is every bit the quality that you could expect from a direct to C-tier streaming service horror movie prequel.

Suspiria

Characters exploring dance.

Technically I'm talking about the 70s Italian version here, which is a fever dream of a film made in a style in which all the actors spoke in their various native languages on set and then were overdubbed for all versions of the movie. Taking place in a dance boarding school run by witches, the script was originally written envisioning the students to be children in the 10-12 range and then cast with them as college-aged but without changing any of the dialogue, which honestly just makes it more unsettling. It's stylish as hell.

Do you recommend it?

Yes, but if you're looking for something SLIGHTLY less weird to most modern audiences maybe go for the remake first and loop back.

Are there sequels?

As mentioned, there's a very recent remake that basically takes the framework of dance boarding school run by witches and abandons the rest. There's much more emphasis put on dance (and rather less on 70s progressive rock music) but it has a style all its own. I love both versions, but I slightly prefer the original myself.

The Thing

An imposter; a character replaced by a foe unknowingly.

I'm talking about the 1982 version here; as someone who was born in the 80s but is mostly not on board with 80s nostalgia shit at ALL I make a lone exception for the works of John Carpenter. Taking place at an Antarctic research station, this movie is both known for its paranoia-inducing plot and its incredibly detailed special practical effects. Among Us is 100% not based off this movie, they promise.

Do you recommend it?

Yes, wholeheartedly.

Are there sequels?

There's a prequel from the mid 2010s that basically uses the exact same plot but replaces the practical effects with CGI (which has already aged poorly) and has less interesting characters overall. It's not the worst thing in the world - the plot is good! - but why watch it when you could just watch the 1982 version instead?

Friday the 13th

Violence without glory or mercy.

There are a million of these, of course, featuring Jason Vorhees murdering a bunch of people in various sometimes-creative but usually not fashions. The original isn't that, though; it's a cheap Halloween knockoff with boring kills, shoddy acting, and maybe the world's worst who-dun-it mystery. (Jason is not the killer and in fact never really appears.)

Do you recommend it?

Absolutely not.

Are there sequels?

There are SO MANY sequels. None of them climb all the way up to good, though most are at least a little better than the original; personally the one I enjoy the most is Jason X, the one in space, which at least is aware of how fucking bad it is and dances in the sewage a bit.

Scream

A metatextual story or image.

Breathing some fresh air into horror in the mid-90s after like fifteen years of the same stale slasher series limping along, Scream still holds up quite well today - I watched it last year. The cold open of the movie alone would be an incredible short horror film. Also, it's the first R-rated movie I saw in theaters, at far too young an age to probably be watching it in theaters (I was 10). Movie theaters really didn't give a shit before Columbine happened, I have to tell you.

Do you recommend it?

A strong yes. Genuinely, as a writer, there's a lot to learn in this movie, which is VERY funny without actually being a horror-comedy.

Are there sequels?

Yes; none of them are as good as the original, but none of them are BAD necessarily.

You're Next

Betrayal from a beloved one.

A home invasion movie where it turns out the main character and designated final girl to be grew up with survivalists and is WAY prepared for a situation where people are trying to murder the shit out of her.

Do you recommend it?

Yes, though it's a milder recommendation than some of the others on the list. The violence in this one is a little more realistic than many of the others, as well, so know that going in.

Are there sequels?

Nope, this one's a pure stand-alone.

Alien

Placing profits above safety; an anti-capitalist message

A crew of a spaceship finds they have an unwanted stowaway. Actually, multiple ones. Honestly the idea that someone in circumstances to be reading this wouldn't at least have a vague idea what happens in this movie is baffling to me.

Do you recommend it?

YES. Yes, yes, yes. This may be one of the twenty or thirty best movies ever made, and made 45 years ago or not it still LOOKS great.

Are there sequels?

Bunches, in complicated branches that would require flowcharts to fully explain. Aliens, the most direct sequel, might actually be better even though Alien is one of the best movies of all time in my books; after that, it drops off in a hurry but if you want more and an expanded universe and all then hey, you've got that going for you.

An American Werewolf in London

Werewolves! Either all characters are, or one is newly turned into one.

A comedy-horror that is more or less what it says in the title; an American in London gets bitten by what locals definitely won't admit is a werewolf, and then things happen.

Do you recommend it?

Eeeeh. The movie itself is okay, not great. The director is a, ah, controversial figure MOSTLY known for his work with comedies and also his work in running unsafe sets that got actors harmed or killed, including two children and one adult on the set of the Twilight Zone movie; unfortunately, he also made a number of movies that ARE legitimately classics of my childhood, this just isn't one of them. I just wanted a movie where I could prompt werewolves. Werewolves are great.

Are there sequels?

There's one, An American Werewolf in Paris, which involves none of the same people and is actively terrible.

Freaky

Body swap two or more characters

The movie was pitched as Freaky Friday but instead of getting swapped with her mom the main high school character gets body swapped with a slasher movie killer, played by Vince Vaughn. Legitimately this one's a lot of fun, made by the same people who made the Groundhog's Day inspired Happy Death Day, and also it's VERY bloody.

Do you recommend it?

This one was literally the Halloween recommendation I gave my mom last year.

Are there sequels?

No, at least not yet.

Evil Dead

Characters not leaving well enough alone, and pushing into danger from curiosity.

A very classic 'group goes to an isolated place and then dies one by one' kind of movie, this was Sam Raimi's first movie, starring his college buddy Bruce Campbell. There's a lot of genius in this, but it also does have some real rough spots, and in some ways is basically a student film.

Do you recommend it?

Honestly for most new viewers I'd recommend skipping to the second one, which basically remakes the first one for the first half and then continues from there. There's a lot of filmmaking brilliance on display in a much less raw but still campy state in Evil Dead 2.

Are there sequels?

Yes, even beyond the second one there are several plus a TV show. Army of Darkness and the TV show are more fantasy adventure comedy things, and a lot of fun; the remake and the recent sequel to the remake, on the other hand, cut out all the campy humor elements of the original and play them straight horror and end up being pretty divisive as a result. I recommend everything in the series, though.

It Follows

Characters regretting a relationship

A remarkably low death count on screen in this one, which is a tense movie about a shapeshifting monster that gets passed off STD-style and steadily walks towards the current target, killing them if they catch up but moving on to stalking their partner if they hook up first. Features a memorable score, in particular, enough so that I'm mentioning it here.

Do you recommend it?

Lukewarmly yes; it's good, but I don't think it's great. This one's got a real cult following, though, which led to…

Are there sequels?

There's one coming out soon, titled "They Follow". Horror movies get sequels relatively easily - they tend to be cheap to make and while they generally don't do gangbusters at the box office they usually do okay - but I have to admit I didn't think one was coming for this.

Final Destination

One or more characters fighting against destiny

The premise on this one is pretty famous, and while this isn't the first story ever to use it by a long shot it's probably the most well known: After seeing a vision of the future where he and a bunch of other people die, the main character takes action to prevent it. Only, it turns out that death doesn't like to be cheated, and the survivors start dying in mysterious and bizarre circumstances…

Do you recommend it?

This entirely comes down to one thing: Does the idea of repeated scenes of people either dying or nearly dying in tremendously Rube Goldberg-esque fashions appeal to you? If so, then absolutely yes, even though the acting is overall VERY late 90s teen drama.

Are there sequels?

Yes, four of them, and most of them are pretty good in the category of fun deathtraps. The second one's 'mass death vision' scene, in particular, is a traffic accident scene that genuinely probably causes multiple millions of people to avoid following behind log trucks. Avoid the 3-d one, but the last one and the first three are all fun if it's your thing.

Reanimator

Characters attempting to bring back a dead friend

Extremely loosely based off an HP Lovecraft story, but don't let that stop you from watching this science gone wrong film about a researcher attempting to bring the dead back to life. Honestly, just that is enough that you know a lot of where this is going, but do exercise caution - it's VERY 80s and also VERY gorey. Also, and the fact that I'm giving this warning in this article when I haven't on several other films means you should take it seriously, if you're sex repulsed stay far, far away from this one.

Do you recommend it?

Yes, assuming you can tolerate those warnings in the above paragraph. Barbara Crampton and Jeffrey Combs are great.

Are there sequels?

Yes, two of them. There was also apparently a Broadway adaptation in the early 2010s so those of you with tastes in that might be able to track down a cast recording or something?

Candyman

Characters fighting against someone seeking revenge for the sins of their ancestors

One of the few decent 90s pre-Scream horror movies, this one features a researcher in urban myths going into a housing project in Chicago and seeking information on the titular Candyman. She finds him.

Do you recommend it?

Yes; it's a very good movie, though there's a pretty heavy social message aspect (both racism and feminism are major points within the film) to it that is at times ham-fisted. It means well, but I'll leave it to the viewer to judge on that front the quality.

Are there sequels?

Yes, and they're dogshit slashers that lose everything good about the original except for Tony Todd playing the villain. There's also a more recent reboot, but I have not seen that one.

Ready or Not

Characters playing a childhood game.

A comedic horror movie, this one features a game of hide or seek and some of the world's worst in-laws. There's some GREAT props and stuff if you're into board games at all, and honestly you're on a dimension 20 promptlist so there's a decent chance you are.

Do you recommend it?

Strongly so, yes. The ending is particularly memorable.

Are there sequels?

No, and there better NOT be any either.

Sinister

Discovering records of past tragedies, such as a journal, photograph, or film.

A fine member of the long tradition of horror movies where the secret villain is the protagonist (see also the Shining, though it's even less of a secret there), this is a haunted house movie with a nasty twist. Very much in the jump scare vein of movies so if you're not into that, maybe give this one a past, though unlike its near-contemporary in the jumpscare heavy front of the Conjuring movies this one's got the FULL courage of its convictions to actually follow through on some of them - this is a nasty, bloody movie.

Do you recommend it?

If you're okay with a nasty, bloody movie then yes. I'm not exactly sure what sent Ethan Hawke on the road to where he's ended up in a bunch of movies like this, but he's good as the aforementioned protagonist.

Are there sequels?

There's one, which is weirdly easier to find on streaming than the original. It's not very good, but I've seen worse.

Tucker and Dale VS Evil

The kindness of strangers in the face of the unkindness of those once thought friends

Another horror comedy, this one turns one of my absolute least favorite tropes of hillbilly murderers on its head, and is purely a (bloody) comedy of errors for the vast majority of the runtime.

Do you recommend it?

Yes.

Are there sequels?

No; filming conditions on set were apparently bad enough that there's basically no possibility anyone would come back for it, and the movie wasn't a huge financial success even though it's become something of a cult classic.

Midsommar

A relationship continuing past when it should have ended; the failure of inaction.

An extended exercise in misery dressed up in spring tones, this is the only movie on this list I remember actually getting specifically called out during a D20 episode - Aabria talks about going full Midsommar at the start of ACoFaF, which it is something of the look if not AT ALL the tone. This one's a cult movie. Not, like, a cult classic - it's literally a movie about a cult.

Do you recommend it?

It's a great movie, but it's also HEAVY. If you're in the mood for that then absolutely go for it, if you're not then maybe wait for more cheerful days.

Are there sequels?

No, and I can't imagine anyone involved making a followup.

The Lighthouse

A character assuming another's identity.

There are people who would try to make the case that this is actually not a horror movie and I think that's fair. This is the same director as The Witch, and it's a very specific style for this movie up to and including it being in black and white and the accents that the two actors (the ONLY two actors) choose to take on. If you're into Greek mythology, see when you figure out which myth this is a reference to as a fun little minigame.

Do you recommend it?

I… kind of? If you think you'd be into a period piece with two actors in black and white that also features a shockingly high amount of talk about various biological functions, go for it.

Are there sequels?

Good god, no.

Hereditary

A character's bloodline being cursed in a mysterious way.

This one was a big hit a few years ago, and is half horror movie, half family tragi-drama, and all miserable. It's not the scariest movie on this list by any means, but it is in rare company on my personal list of things I recommend watching once and then never again. (Total Forgiveness is actually also on this list.)

Do you recommend it?

Yes, unless you have already seen it, in which case no.

Are there sequels?

Midsommar is the same director and in spite of an almost opposite aesthetic inherits much of the ethos of misery, but no, not really.

Phantasm

Dealing with a character's corpse, either to reanimate it or bury it.

One of the WEIRDER entries on this list, Phantasm is a late 70s film featuring a truly great villain known only as the Tall Man, who steals corpses and reanimates them as slave zombies back in his home dimension and honestly it just gets a little odder from there. His main opposition is a like ten year old kid.

Do you recommend it?

I can't say I DON'T recommend it but I probably wouldn't put it high on the list of things I would recommend to people partly because unless they're deep into weird movies themselves they're going to look at me like I'm crazy after they watch this on my recommendation.

Are there sequels?

Yes, and they form an allegedly continuous story and feature mostly the same actors - that original movie was an indie production in the freaking 70s and cost less than many houses to make, returning something like a hundred and fifty times its budget. The first sequel is probably the best movie in the series; the later ones kind of lost what plot there was.

The Ring

Impending death, to one's self or another.

A mysterious tape leads to death seven days after you watch it - this is probably one of the best-known and most-parodied movies on this list, to the point where I'd be a little surprised if even the younger audience hadn't at least HEARD of it even though it's somewhat older now.

Do you recommend it?

Yes, either this version or the Japanese version (which is the original; this is one of a string of American remakes of Japanese horror movies from around this time, and definitely the best of them.)

Are there sequels?

There are sprawling franchises in BOTH the US and Japan around this, with substantial differences in the lore and varying degrees of sucking. Personally, I'd just stick to the original two movies, but all the rest of it has fans certainly.

Child's Play

A character's favorite childhood toys.

A serial killer gets shot down by a cop and possesses a doll, but wants to steal a real body back. In contrast to what the sequels eventually became, the original is much less comedic, with a lot of practical effects around the doll - who in spite of being a serial killer has to play it smart because he's a doll, at least in this one. Chucky gets a lot of his superhuman abilities later on in the series; in the original it's mostly a deception play.

Do you recommend it?

Yes, the first two movies in particular here are quite good.

Are there sequels?

Buckle up, because this one's a long runner - this series has a continuous timeline spanning like eight movies and three seasons of television, with more still forthcoming. There's also a reboot that basically is in name only and also is bad.

Dracula

Vampires! Either all characters are vampires or one is turned into one.

I mean, it's Dracula. Do you seriously need me to explain to you on tumblr.com what Dracula is?

Do you recommend it?

It here being the original Bela Legusi Universal movie? Sure, as long as you know that's what it is - this thing's damn near a hundred years old at this point.

Are there sequels?

Yes, and a million different versions of this story.

Nightmare on Elm Street

A work focused on a character's dreams.

A school janitor who may or may not have been committing sexual assault on children - it's implied in the original that he wasn't and it was a witch hunt from the parents in the style of the satanic panic of the time; in the remake he absolutely was - has regardless become a demon who haunts the children of the parents who killed him and murders them in their dreams. One of the great 80s slasher franchises.

Do you recommend it?

Yes; it's the best of the 80s slasher franchises, at least in the first movie or two before Freddie descends into full clownhood.

Are there sequels?

Yeah, a whole bunch of varying quality, including a deeply weird one in New Nightmare which is effectively RPF of the first movie except instead of Real Person Fanfiction it's just Real Person Fiction.

It

A work focused on the character's greatest fears.

Yet another Stephen King story, this one features a creature from beyond space and time who comes up every so often to murder the shit out of people and especially kids while taking the form of their worst fear to do it. Tim Curry plays the clown in the miniseries in one of his most well known roles, and again this was a MADE FOR TV MINISERIES that broadcast on network television and is one of TIM CURRY'S best known roles. He's by far the best part of it.

Do you recommend it?

Yes, I recommend it. And It.

Are there sequels?

I suppose we can mention the much more recent theatrical movies, which split the childhood and adulthood portions more firmly into two films and also made literally over a billion dollars between the two of them. I've never seen them, though. There's only room for Tim Curry to clown around in my heart.

Jaws A beach episode! Beach-inspired fic or pic.

THE shark movie of all time, and also the movie that singlehandedly created the concept of a summer blockbuster movie, and ALSO the movie that kicked off Steven Spielberg's career and in spite of all of those things it's also genuinely incredibly good.

Do you recommend it?

If you somehow haven't seen this you should watch it the next time you have two hours to kill; this is a genuine classic work of art in popular filmmaking and also you'll suddenly understand a thousand cultural references you've been missing.

Are there sequels?

Yes, three of them, and they're increasing levels of bad. The second one rehashes the first but does a shittier job; the third one is IN THREE-D and that was the only reason they made it, and the fourth one features a telepathic shark that stalks the family of the sheriff from the first movie to the Bahamas out of wanting revenge for the murder of that shark but is both worse and more boring than this description makes it sound.

The Fly

A character going through an unwanted physical change.

Did you know Jeff Goldblum was hot once upon a time, and also like, genuinely ripped? This movie absolutely shows that off and then desperately makes you wish it hadn't. Another classic, though not really for the weak of stomach - a lot of real body horror in this one, so buckle in if you're going to give it a watch. I miss practical effects.

Do you recommend it?

Yes, though if you're on an older movie kick and haven't seen a lot of these the other older movies on this list are mostly better. Unless you're genuinely curious to see Jeff Goldblum as a sex symbol, in which case hey, go nuts. Also fun fact - this movie was still in a few budget theaters on the day I was born, though it was far behind the #1 movie in America, Crocodile Dundee. I'm mostly bringing that up because it invariably makes the Australians in my life flinch.

Are there sequels?

There's one, which I've never seen and which certainly doesn't involve either David Cronenberg or Jeff Goldblum. It is by most accounts quite bad. Also, technically, this one's a remake to begin with and there's a 50's version but I'm not counting that one - the difference between a movie from 1955 and one from 1980, even though they were only 25 years apart, are VASTLY greater than the differences between a movie from 1980 and today even though that's almost 45 years.

A Bay of Blood

A comedy of errors, with deadly or painful results.

Another foreign film, and kind of a proto-slasher, this one involves a real estate deal gone bad, family feuds, accidents, a whole lot of deaths, and some gratuitous nudity. It's basically like Friday the 13th in some ways except actually fun, assuming you're into that kind of thing. Definitely cheesy though.

Do you recommend it?

Eeeeeeeeeeh. If you're into schlock and cheese and people getting murdered in the middle of sex (not, generally, by the person they're involved with) then you could do a lot worse.

Are there sequels?

Not direct ones.

[asksythe]

I want to come up with more smutty Oberiri story ideas. And by that, I mean absolutely filthy, read-under-your-blanket-in-a-dark-room shorts.

Ahh... my work has been relentless this month. I feel like my task list is a never-ending, inescapable master thesis. And that's on top of a lot of other things. So, what do we do to soothe our stressed-out, over-worked self?

We come up with filthy, smutty, wacky scenarios, of course!! It's how we entertain ourself!

Off the top of my head, hmm, how about: Oberon eating out Ritsuka in front of Merlin? And I don't just mean 'eat.' I mean Riri is a three-tier, jumbo-sized sundae smothered with hot caramel sauce and cherries and drizzled with almond flakes, flanked by double-decker banana splits and roasted cinnamon apple slices. And Oberon is on a mission to clean up every last speck of sugar and cream with his tongue and lick the 'ice cream bowl' until it's crystal clear and near passing out before calling it a job well done.

That kind of eating her out. In front of an oblivious Merlin.

Merlin can't see him. What's a better way for Oberon to flick his nose than that?

Speaking of, we all know Oberon dedicates all of his camouflage ability to hide his presence from Merlin. Merlin can't see him. That is clear. But how far does the camouflage extend? Is it just visual and auditory? Or does it go all the way to concept blocking and perception editing?

Merlin canonically saw Ritsuka talking to 'herself' in LB6. Can't he hear whenever Ritsuka calls Oberon's name? More than that, even without the name, it should be clear Ritsuka was talking to 'someone' just based on what she was saying. But that didn't seem to register to Merlin, who doesn't even seem conscious of the possibility of someone being there whose presence is erased from his perception. Is that proof of the camouflage altering perception and blocking conception in Merlin?

What I mean to say is, is it possible for Ritsuka to be flushing and panting and one step away from passing out, and Merlin would still be oblivious because of Oberon's perception-altering camouflage?

[nonbinarypirat]

A rare post not about Iruma kun (yall im so stressed with finals and end of the semester, I haven’t even caught up with the newest chapters because I can’t focus on an on going story rn. Does that make sense? Sometimes when I’m stressed I can’t read or watch a story that hasn’t been finished yet. But I’ll be excited to finish then after the break.)

But anyway, I’m watching Tanaka is Always Listless and I’m enjoying it so far. Im almost done, only two episodes to go. I may make a an anime tier list soonish and this would go in B tier. Solid, not much happens (though it’s intentional) but cute characters. BUT what I don’t like is that Echizen is not canonically queer and in love with Miyano? (Spoilers for the anime going forward.) When she was first introduced, it’s subtly through Miyano. Miyano talks about her feelings on someone she’s in love with and that’s why she wants to be mature woman. And then later we meet Echizen and she’s like, idk why Miyano would want to be like you she’s perfect the way she is (to Tanaka). And then Miyano finally tells the characters (and the audience) that the person she loves is Echizen. And they both hug, fawn over each other, it’s adorable. So I was like, oh I love this cute relationship! What I liked was that it was simple but realistic. They just really like each other. And while not the main focus, the way it was addressed didn’t make a big deal out of it.

So this whole time I thought they were lesbians and dating afterwards. Just off screen. And we saw them separately or together since then and it only confirmed this for me since they often talked about the other. But then came episode 9 I think? Or 8? And Echizen thinks Ohta or Tanaka likes her. And she gets nervous about it. Which I was like, eh makes sense they are her two friends (?). And even after she gushes about it I was like, ok well they are both cute guys. Nothing wrong with feeling yourself and how attractive you are to have two people like you. Maybe she’s a bi queen. But then she starts imagining dating them and such and I was like… wait did I read the room wrong?? Because her and Miyano have so much chemistry and queer vibes for each other. They both want to impress or do/give cute things for each other. They always talk about the other. Overall, it’s super cute. So the crush on either boy felt so weird and out of place? I was really blindsided because I didn’t pick up on that energy (but then again I’m autistic so maybe I missed it?)

And now I’m in episode 10 and there’s the weird reminiscing about the past and Echizen being blushing and shy about Ohta and I’m just now realizing, oh no. It’s them giving the two main male characters a relationship. Because of course they must be dating someone, specifically a girl. Idk, kind of put me off and now I’m not liking it as much. It’s not that I think all stories need a queer couple (if only though) but it feels so weird to have it now when there hasn’t been a ton of scenes with them besides us knowing they are childhood friends.

Not to mention that I am just tired and annoyed with the trope that all leads must have a partner or romantic interest or potential romance (🙄) by the end of a show. Is this just me? But I see it over and over, the series feeling like it must have a lead character(s) date someone and I just don’t get it. Maybe this is the autism (the answer is always autism) or me being on the aromatic spectrum, but I don’t understand compulsorily romance. It feels like media is always so scared to just let a lead not date someone even at the expense of ruining a character, story, or even making sense. I don’t need the two leads to be dating someone, it’s fine if they don’t! I see this all the time (more so with girl or women main characters) and it’s so frustrating to see.

With all that being said, I know that the show is based on the manga and mangas typically can have more character depth, character lore, and stories than an anime adaptation. So maybe the couple makes more sense in the actual mangas. Just for me who only watched the anime, it’s so weird seeing her get paired with him when I didn’t get that feeling from her besides being embarrassed he knew her before she was “cool.” But I have two more episodes so maybe I was being to presumptuous? Or maybe they’ll find a way to explain it (idk how but it’s possible). So I may give more thoughts after I finish it. Idk, if y’all have read the manga do you recommend it and should I read it? Will it give me more context on the relationship between them? I’m not against the two dating, I just thought she was gay or wlw and liked her best friend. But if the manga can sell me of the ship, let me know and maybe I’ll read it (if , ya know, you don’t think the ending of the anime will make me think that by itself)

[deathbyoctopi]

making a rec list so I don’t forget

It’s more or less a year since I got started in the Chinese series, and I want to share Opinions with y’all!! 😁😁

I’ll place them more or less in preference order, with tiers and whatnot, so of COURSE we have to start with:

GOD TIER (aka. The absolute best) 

The Untamed. Amazing. Can’t say much without rambling for six hours, so I’ll just say this was a wonderfully addictive thing to discover. Saw the series and donghua, read the manhua and the books, got me hearing some bits of the audiobook too and I’m going insane with the fanfics and fanart. Dead evil overlord resuscitates and meets childhood classmate, they solve mysteries and go on adventures together, which both isn’t and is an euphemism. 

---

DEMI-GOD TIER (because there’s really only one untamed):  

Heaven Official’s Blessing. Going with the books here, bc the gods immortal know when (If!) we’re getting a series of that one. But the story is interesting, the characters very likable, the main ship is downright adorable... And what little donghua we’ve got so far was delightful (praying for that one not to be discontinued, plzzz). Twink God with the worst luck imaginable meets piss-your-pants-scary Ghost King and they go on adventures together. Still an euphemism. 

The Dumb Husky and His White Cat Shizun: Another book/manhua rec, bc I’m looking just as forward to get the series, and who knows... This one has a base concept that comes straight from fanfic dreamland!!! In the best way possible, too! Reccomending this having read only 2 books so far, but it feels warranted. Evil overlord goes back in time to his youth and decides not to repeat the mistakes of his first life. The mistakes follow him, tho. Also, he’s so horny for his shizun, who he Hates™ very much. 

Word of honor. A series so bent on showing everything they can of the main characters relationship without showing it that it may have changed the gears in censorship ^^U I found the story a bit confusing, with a myriad sects and intrigues, but the character dynamics are so fascinating!!! (Speaking only for the series, haven’t read the book). Angsty repentant master spy with a Mysterious Past wants to go die in peace, but handsome leech with a Mysterious Past says otherwise. 

---

MUST TIER (Very recommendable! I’d force-feed all those to you if I knew where you live)

Blood of youth. A series (maybe a book and manhua, idk) about a dumbass young hero that wants to prove himself in the martial art world, a mysterious youth obsessed with money and a handsome (and also mysterious) monk with almost godlike powers entangled in a conspiracy that reaches deep in the Imperial palace... Engaging story and characters, particularly the supporting roles, because even though they’re not the focus, they’re memorable enough to feel relevant. 

Scum Villain Self-Saving System. Books (NEVER mind the very short, strangely paced digital art donghua) about a man transmigrated to the martial art world from a trash webnovel he loves to complain about. He’s the villain there, and doesn’t want to be for the life of him precisely because it will kill him unless he can get in the main character’s good graces. And he does that. All too well XD

Sleuth of the Ming dynasty. A series (is there a book? I’d like to read it) about an official of the Imperial Government who solves cases. No world-breaking powers, no flying swords, just very real crime and clues and palace intrigues (the Imperial family are recurring characters). The main two characters are an absolute delight: the Detective, who is brilliant and socially clumsy, and nevertheless manages to leech off the Soldier to the point that gets in his house and manages to get a lifelong loyalty out of him. 

Thousand autumns. There’s a donghua, which is as weird and uncanny as the svsss one, but since the books got recently translated I’m going more with those. Handsome Horrible Man Extraordinaire harasses, gaslights, bullies and almost kidnaps Pretty-Faced Frail Twink, and they end up invariably together. I can barely remember the story, something something Book Of Martial Arts Awesomeness that everyone and their mother wants, but that’s irrelevant. The story is worth it just because of those two idiots. 

---

OK TIER (Recommend if you’re bored and want something entertaining, but not life-changing)

Birth of the drama king. A half-serious, half-silly series about two warring sects that sic spies on each other. One might be too successful, almost getting attached to the other sect’s leader, because (presumably) they are long-lost brothers. The story is decent, but an absolute point on its favour is the (very handsome, if only a bit lackluster) role of Song Jiyang as doctor Yan. And the fact that he’s so serious, while being the Universe’s punchbag. Seriously, he gets hilariously abused in almost every episode. Love it.  

Till the end of the moon. A long, epic battle between good an evil with a romance so strong that can (well, ought to) defy destiny and the will of the gods. If it wasn’t for all the miscommunication!!!! >:3  This one was very difficult for me to place in this list, because what is good about this series is marvelous, and what is bad (boring or frustrating) is almost painful to sit through. Of the latter, the aforementioned lack of talking skills of these two endlessly suffering dumbasses and the epic battles, which do nothing for me, though might be great for other people. And the good things... if the whole series had been like the first ten or so episodes, this would be now in the demi-god tier. The premise!!! The execution!!!! The acting!!!!! Give me the whole early stage of Tantai Jin and Ye Xiwu’s marriage, up to that new year, and nothing else!!! After that, it’s a slow but sure decline.

Stick to the script. An extremely self-aware comedy sketch show with the transmigration premise and an almost surreal beat. The main point is of course Wang Haoxuan, but it also has good puns, quick humor and at least a couple scenes so absurd I had to laugh out loud. But the episodes are so short!!! I found that very distracting, they last only 2-3 minutes each. I enjoyed it MUCH MORE finding a compilation on youtube. It lasts 2 hours in total, so it’s very manageable like that :)

Be my cat. Another series with an absurd premise, and amusingly self-aware, but sweet and occasionally fun enough to be worth a watch. The plot is about a girl who receives from her cultivator brother (who’s gone missing) a sphere with a yao cat, that escapes and possesses the dying body of a young general. The resulting human-shaped cat forms a reluctant bond with her, and she enlists his help to find her brother and the other three lost animal spheres, with their respective yao that wreck havoc. 

Dance of the phoenix. A series about a young cultivator girl whose powers and memories are stolen, so she has to fend for herself while attracting an alarming number of suitors, old rivals and admirers. The plot is serviceable at best, and the characters not very interesting... but the effects are quite good, and damn my weakness, it has Wang Haoxuan too!! The ending was mightily confusing, tho. I have no idea what that was about.  

---

PASS TIER (Watching that wasn’t technically a mistake, but... ugh) 

Immortal Samsara. Yess, it’s well-made and well-acted, but the story is soooo slow!!! And soooooo boring!!!!! The character’s actions don’t make sense more often than not, she subtleties of their behaviour clashes with some very drastic and unreasonable course of action, the lack of communication in this one is downright painful to behold... Only the second third gets a bit interesting, the stakes are higher and the characters finally less stiff and more enjoyable, but bloody hell... It’s not worth it, not at all. 

[zoobus]

Not a lot of boy centered otome mobile games out there in English, which means recommendations are usually bad because within that limited pool, none of them are actually alike beyond being a probable attraction to men. Here's what I played in the desperate hope of fulfilling the same hole Obey Me did for me.

Love and Deepspace: the new girl on the block. Allegedly breaking ground by being for girls and you beat up aliens. Extremely well made, tons of money poured into it, boring. Lots of reviews in that "I'm giving it 5 stars because I want to prove women are worth this kind of investment and/or are interested in action dating sims!" vein.

If I'm honest, I've realized no brown skinned dateables = no interest, so there was no chance I would care about this game. I tried though!

Twisted Wonderland: Despite how often I heard "if you liked OM, you should play Twisted Wonderland," the two aren't alike beyond surface level. It's an all right time passer, especially the vignettes. I have more fun mentally comparing them than anything - I could probably write a whole post about how despite similar premises, they're clearly not even after the same demographic, plus all the things each excel at, PLUS all the things I wish OM had copied. Why the hell does the Disney property understand the importance of deranged anime boy diversity, but the fucking 7 deadly sin dating simulator does not?

I also enjoyed watching my character tier-list change in real time. It starts off like I think these guys are the hottest, so I'll probably like them the most (Leona, Jamil, Malleus, Professor Male!Cruella) -> Okay, seeing this guy in action made me realize how cute he is (Azul) -> hahaha holy shit, this guy rocks (Rook, Azul, Jade) -> Your good looks will not save you from dropping tiers after that stupid story (Leona) ->...but a horny-coded vignette might (Leona and Vil)

Also, the story is kind of terrible, so I've been ignoring it. "What if we gave all of our hot guys tragic backstories that contradict the premise of the game (Disney villains won in this universe and are idolized for their actions) and were just kind of. Needlessly pathetic. In an embarrassing way."

Lovebrush Chronicles: Tried to care. Could not. Sorry.

Nu Carnivale: Love how it jumps straight into you getting a blowjob from demons but the second they pulled that card based battle system out, I was done. I'm sorry, I can't do this.

What in Hell is Bad: I'm not done with this. I will try again. But I am truly baffled by their battle system. No idea what was happening or how I won. Also, the one sex scene I read was cringe and bad.

Mystic Messenger: I saw my own review for the game timestamped to 2016 and withered up. I did love it though.

[istumpysk]

OPERATION ICEBERG: THE TIER LIST

THEORY:

The miller's boys were Theon's sons.

TIER:

People's Choice!

It wouldn't be as fun if I picked everything. I trust you to choose the right one.

Low Probability: While not impossible, these theories are unlikely based on the current evidence.

vs.

Long Shot: These theories are largely speculative, based more on wishful thinking or obscure hints than on solid evidence.

vs.

Debunked: These theories have been directly contradicted by the text, George R. R. Martin, or other authoritative sources.

[Tier list overview]

EVIDENCE:

Theon had been intimate with the wife of the miller.

Theon knew the mill. He had even tumbled the miller's wife a time or two. There was nothing special about it, or her. - Theon IV, ACOK

A hooded figure, thought to be a figment of Theon's imagination, calls Theon a kinslayer. Theon knows he didn't kill Bran and Rickon, so why would he call himself that?

Farther on, he came upon a man striding in the opposite direction, a hooded cloak flapping behind him. When they found themselves face-to-face their eyes met briefly. The man put a hand on his dagger. "Theon Turncloak. Theon Kinslayer." "I'm not. I never … I was ironborn." - A Ghost in Winterfell, ADWD

After a transition from a Theon chapter to a Jon chapter, Ygritte tells Jon a story about a Lord of Winterfell who unknowingly kills his father. Theon, who called himself the Prince of Winterfell, could have done the exact opposite.

"So the son slew the father instead," said Jon. "Aye," she said, "but the gods hate kinslayers, even when they kill unknowing. When Lord Stark returned from the battle and his mother saw Bael's head upon his spear, she threw herself from a tower in her grief. Her son did not long outlive her. One o' his lords peeled the skin off him and wore him for a cloak." - Jon VI, ACOK

In one of Theon's initial chapters, he rather famously fails to recognize his own sister.

"I like to be on top." Where has this wench been all my life? "My father's hall is dim and dank. It needs Esgred to make the fires blaze." - Theon II, ACOK

Roose Bolton tells Theon the story of how he impregnated a miller's wife.

"This miller's marriage had been performed without my leave or knowledge. The man had cheated me. So I had him hanged, and claimed my rights beneath the tree where he was swaying. If truth be told, the wench was hardly worth the rope. The fox escaped as well, and on our way back to the Dreadfort my favorite courser came up lame, so all in all it was a dismal day. "A year later this same wench had the impudence to turn up at the Dreadfort with a squalling, red-faced monster that she claimed was my own get. I should've had the mother whipped and thrown her child down a well … but the babe did have my eyes. [...]" - Reek III, ADWD

Some believe Theon is dodging confronting his thoughts and emotions about the miller's sons, and being a kinslayer.

Robb was murdered at the Twins, and Bran and Rickon … we dipped the heads in tar … His own head was pounding. He did not want to think about anything that had happened before he knew his name. There were things too hurtful to remember, thoughts almost as painful as Ramsay's flaying knife … - Reek III, ADWD

x

"I have done terrible things … betrayed my own, turned my cloak, ordered the death of men who trusted me … but I am no kinslayer." "Stark's boys were never brothers to you, aye. We know." That was true, but it was not what Theon had meant. They were not my blood, but even so, I never harmed them. The two we killed were just some miller's sons. Theon did not want to think about their mother. He had known the miller's wife for years, had even bedded her. Big heavy breasts with wide dark nipples, a sweet mouth, a merry laugh. Joys that I will never taste again. - Theon I, ADWD

x

"[...] Tell me, my lord … if the kinslayer is accursed, what is a father to do when one son slays another?" The question frightened him. Once he had heard Skinner say that the Bastard had killed his trueborn brother, but he had never dared to believe it. He could be wrong. Brothers die sometimes, it does not mean that they were killed. My brothers died, and I never killed them. - Reek III, ADWD

COUNTER-EVIDENCE:

Someone call a steward, the math is not mathing. At the start of A Clash of Kings, Theon is 20 years old, Bran is 8, and Rickon is 4.

As Theon shrugged out of his wet cloak, the girl said, "You must be so happy to see your home again, milord. How many years have you been away?" "Ten, or close as makes no matter," he told her. "I was a boy of ten when I was taken to Winterfell as a ward of Eddard Stark." - Theon I, ACOK

x

"Bran, child, why do you torment yourself so? One day you may do some of these things, but now you are only a boy of eight." - Bran I, ACOK

x

When the Walders had arrived from the Twins, it had been Rickon who wanted them gone. A baby of four, he had screamed that he wanted Mother and Father and Robb, not these strangers. - Bran I, ACOK

The sons of the miller were of similar ages to Bran and Rickon.

For Theon to be the father, it would mean that the miller's wife had slept with him when he was a 12-year-old hostage/ward of the Lord of Winterfell, which is highly improbable.

It's somewhat more plausible that he slept with the miller's wife when he was 16, making only the second son his. But one has to wonder, what would be the point of one son being his and not the other?

The miller's boys had been of an age with Bran and Rickon, alike in size and coloring, and once Reek had flayed the skin from their faces and dipped their heads in tar, it was easy to see familiar features in those misshapen lumps of rotting flesh. - Theon V, ACOK

In A Dance of Dragons, Theon recalls his early years at Winterfell, where as a boy he would skip stones, hide treasures, and stalk squirrels. He notes that it was later when he first kissed a girl, and even later still when he lost his virginity to a girl in the godswood. All these things point to Theon becoming sexually active in his later teens.

Theon Greyjoy was no stranger to this godswood. He had played here as a boy, skipping stones across the cold black pool beneath the weirwood, hiding his treasures in the bole of an ancient oak, stalking squirrels with a bow he made himself. Later, older, he had soaked his bruises in the hot springs after many a session in the yard with Robb and Jory and Jon Snow. In amongst these chestnuts and elms and soldier pines he had found secret places where he could hide when he wanted to be alone. The first time he had ever kissed a girl had been here. Later, a different girl had made a man of him upon a ragged quilt in the shade of that tall grey-green sentinel. - The Prince of Winterfell, ADWD

Theon claims he slept with the miller's wife "a time or two" (what potent sperm, must be a secret Tully) and specifically recalls seeing stretch marks on her stomach, indicating their sexual encounters happened after she had children.

Theon knew the mill. He had even tumbled the miller's wife a time or two. There was nothing special about it, or her. - Theon IV, ACOK

x

The night before, it had been the miller's wife. Theon had forgotten her name, but he remembered her body, soft pillowy breasts and stretch marks on her belly, the way she clawed his back when he fucked her. - Theon V, ACOK

If Theon were the father of the miller's children, wouldn't there be some sign that the miller's wife begged him to not harm his own offspring?

The night before, it had been the miller's wife. Theon had forgotten her name, but he remembered her body, soft pillowy breasts and stretch marks on her belly, the way she clawed his back when he fucked her. Last night in his dream he had been in bed with her once again, but this time she had teeth above and below, and she tore out his throat even as she was gnawing off his manhood. It was madness. He'd seen her die too. Gelmarr had cut her down with one blow of his axe as she cried to Theon for mercy. Leave me, woman. It was him who killed you, not me. - Theon V, ACOK

It's not just the hooded man, Rowan the spearwife, and Mors Umber also call Theon a kinslayer, despite not knowing about his affair with the miller's wife. This suggests that the theme of kinslaying in Theon's story mainly stems from his internal conflict between his Stark and Greyjoy identities, as well as his guilt over contributing to Robb Stark's downfall, whom he views as a brother.

"Not us." Rowan grabbed him by the throat and shoved him back against the barracks wall, her face an inch from his. "Say it again and I will rip your lying tongue out, kinslayer." - Theon I, ADWD

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"I am — " " — a turncloak and a kinslayer," Crowfood had finished. - Theon I, TWOW

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"[...] Tell me, my lord … if the kinslayer is accursed, what is a father to do when one son slays another?" The question frightened him. Once he had heard Skinner say that the Bastard had killed his trueborn brother, but he had never dared to believe it. He could be wrong. Brothers die sometimes, it does not mean that they were killed. My brothers died, and I never killed them. - Reek III, ADWD

And finally, the story of Bael the Bard has virtually no parallels with Theon's takeover of Winterfell.

STUMPY'S THOUGHTS:

Weeaaakkk.

If you're looking for a credible theory about Theon having a secret child, wait until we cover the daughter of the captain of the Myraham.

VOTE:

NEXT THEORY:

Curtain of Light 🙂

[bluegekk0]

Honestly, I love your style, And I enjoy the way you design the characters we rarely see with the cloak off, like grimm or the pale king. But obviously, No artist is without his flaws, and I presume you do not view yourself to be without any. For starters, While the whole "Pale king is an innocent gubblemuncher" thing is cute, depending on how it's handled, It gets stale, fast. (especially considering purely how non-gubblemuncher PK is in the lore, but whatever, we can just ignore that-) Then, I have a bit of a nit to pick at with the way the "Feral PK au" was handled. Once again, similar issue to as I listed prior, PK being innocent and chill is cute, but it gets old fast, especially when the au is based around this characterization of the pale king. (Also, I didn't like PK and WL breaking up despite WL seeming to still care about him in the game, Unless there was some insane sit-com tier argument they had after PK reincarnated that I was never told about, But ig we needed a reason to ship grimm and pk, since, as most are aware, WL hates grimm's guts, so I doubt she would be ok with sharing, so it makes sense.) And finally, I don't like the missed potential of the "feral PK au". When I first heard of that au idea, I imagined a tragic story where PK comes back, But is almost a wild animal and WL ends up caging him bc she's too attached to let him go.... Instead, It's basically an artifact title, one that only applies to the act 1, maybe even just act 0.5, Possibly act 0.25 depending on how it worked. So, I think a more accurate title would be "palegrimm crack au" /j

(Note that "Gubblemuncher" is not an expression I meant to offend, It's 11:55 AM and I needed to make up something to describe a gremlin who is adorable in their own way.)

okay so uhh. i wanted to keep this short but i have a lot of things to say, though i'll get to the point right away. i don't appreciate those kinds of comments, i'm sorry

don't get me wrong, you have every right to dislike aspects of my au. there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. i'm aware that some of my takes are perhaps a little out there. i know many of them stray far away from canon. however, i never claimed that i wanted it to stick to canon, quite the opposite in fact

this au, the whole story, is something i do for myself. it's a little comfort space for me, that i decided to share with friends and other people because they showed interest and wanted to me to talk about it. i did not make it with the intention of creating a coherent narrative, or writing something sophisticated that would have a good plot. i'm not good at those things, i won't pretend otherwise. all this is, is just a silly self-indulgent au that means so, so much to me

and so i understand if some people don't vibe with it. that's perfectly fine, it's not for everyone. what i'm not fine with is people telling me how they think i should write the characters or where they think i should take the story, treating it as if the au is meant to cater to them. that is not what you'll find here, i'm sorry. i find comments like "this is a missed potential" to be a bit rude and quite discouraging, especially since i've never done anything like this and so i'm very insecure about it

some parts of this ask come off as a bit passive-aggressive to me, but that could very well be me overthinking. and because i don't like assuming the worst in people, i want to clear some misconceptions i saw here instead

first of all, the au is not built around the idea that pk is innocent. i've stated before that i don't agree with that notion, he has done terrible things and that should not be ignored. the difference here is that i try to make him more nuanced, and i've personally always loved the theme of well-meaning people committing horrible actions in the name of good. that is where i'm going with my interpretation. he tries to do well, he is very emotional and anxious, he wants to make others happy and be loved. and yet he's still responsible for the deaths of so, so many beings that did not deserve that fate. that is not something i want to ignore, it's something that haunts him constantly, and is a huge part of his character, his struggles and his arc in the au

the reason why you rarely see that portrayed in my art is because, like i said, this is something i do for myself. while i enjoy thinking about more emotional aspects of it, i also want to find happiness and comfort in it, and so i prioritize wholesome art, as that is what i find the most comforting. perhaps it is my fault that i'm not clear enough about this, and if so, i'll try to do better

i will be more short and to the point with the next part, as i've answered many asks about this topic in the past. but no, fpk and wl did not separate because of grimm. they did not separate because of a "sitcom tier argument" either. it was a result of their vastly different approaches to dealing with their guilt and shame (among other things about their relationship), and they divorced while still on good terms. this would've happened in the au even without grimm in the picture, so no, i did not just get rid of wl to make space for the ship i like. that was never my intention, even if pale nightmare is my preferred ship

lastly, about the name of the au, i mentioned before that it wasn't a conscious decision to name it that, people simply started calling him "feral pk" and i decided to keep it. for convenience, and because i thought it had a nice ring to it. that being said, it's still accurate to his character in the au. he doesn't simply "drop the feral act" once he reunites with his family, his instincts are a part of him now. throughout the whole story of the au, he is by all accounts "feral". if you had different expectations for this, then i'm afraid that is on you. you are free to explore the idea you had yourself, it sounds interesting. but it's not something i wanted to do

like i said. i don't want to assume that your intentions were to be rude. but i wanted to respond anyway to clear possible misunderstandings, and emphasize that i don't like seeing comments like this. still, i hope you have a good day anon. if you did not mean for me to interpret it like this, then know that i don't hold it against you. we're all here to enjoy ourselves, but some boundaries need to be made, and this is where i set mine. i hope you understand

[invisiblyvisiblejay]

my pinof tier list

i did it before i saw theirs but it's very similar lmao which is kind of relieving bc i don't totally remember them based solely off the thumbnails 😭😭😭. i did not order my tiers tho lmao