#this went off the rails in the tags

[rocknrollsalad]

i cannot believe how well my most recent fic is doing on ao3. like, it has the best stats of anything on my account now and it's not even been there a week. I'm flabbergasted. I'm very confused. I'm also over the moon.

[screechingfromthevoid]

nothing (besides everyone ignoring Orym's deal) has made me angrier than watching Dorian keep up this facade. Dorian Storm has always been a type of mask he's worn. At first he called himself a liar because of it. The happy go lucky bard was a way of escaping for him. He was escaping Brontë so he created Dorian. He didn't believe he was Dorian. Until the Crown Keepers made Dorian real. And for a while, he really believed he was Dorian. That he has this new family and new life and he could be who he truly wanted to be.

And then his brother came back and made his problems Dorian's problems. Until he had to put Brontë back on. Because even if the Crown Keepers + Cyrus called him Dorian, he was Brontë. He had to be who his brother thought he was.

When Cyrus dies, the thread to Brontë had snapped. He was going to see Orym, back to the Bells Hells, back to Dorian Storm. But the foundation of Dorian had shattered. Dorian was created in order to run from his place in life, family, Cyrus. Now he was gone. The Crown Keepers had fallen apart. His friends fell through his fingers and he couldn't do anything to stop it. He was once ready to side with a betrayer god for these people and now they're in the wind.

So Dorian shows back up to Bells Hella and he's completely broken. The foundation of both of his lives has been thoroughly rocked. No brother. No Crown Keepers. The two things that forged Dorian Storm. He wears that mask so fucking well. Because he still wants to believe in it. He said it live on stage that he should "believe his own backstory". The one he made up. The one where he was a bard.

He wants to be Dorian so bad. He spends all his money on Orym, he spins the bottle so he can kiss his friends, he flirts, he blushes and giggles at compliments. Exactly how Dorian would, should.

But he wears the gold of the heir. He has a festering animosity inside his chest. He doesn't sleep. He's thinner than he was. He doesn't sleep. He sicks abominations after their creators. He talks to God's without an ounce of self preservation, daring them to strike him down. He does not acknowledge them as they taunt him.

The god of beauty and magic calls him beautiful and he does not smile.

[joicecubes]

someone said their favorite version of vashwood is actually when they’re best friends and i could not agree more. the charm of a lot of ships to me, and this is also why i love satosugu so much, is that they’re friends first and lovers second. vashwood’s friendship and faith in each other is so deeply intertwined with their romantic feelings that their bond is one that can’t quite be described with either word. “friends” doesn’t quite cut it but really, neither does “lovers,” at least fully. regardless of what they are to each other, they’re each other’s people. wolfwood is vash’s person, vash is wolfwood’s person, that’s all there is to it.

like i’m being so fr when i say that i could see vashwood having some sort of complicated queerplatonic bond. giving each other noisy smooches on the cheek and never needing to quantify the feelings behind the gesture. holding hands, linking arms, being all over each other. deep conversations where nothing is left unsaid. “i love you,” and they both know exactly what they mean. they are so intrinsically linked emotionally that nobody else quite understands what they are to each other but them. you could call it romantic, sure. you could call them friends who have no concept of boundaries. but what they have, especially in canon trimax in my opinion, is something so much more than either of them even have the words to express.

[averlym]

maxing daddy's credit card ✨

[fuckterfs-deactivated20221212]

I open the front door. I see a fairy, floating in the air, flapping its wings to stay in place like a hummingbird. Except the wings were more like butterfly wings

At first I think it's a prank. Maybe a drone carrying it with very thin strings or maybe a new kind of wing-based small RC flying device. I look around for a possible tech youtuber's cameras but see none, and looking at the fairy more it seems too lifelike to be fake. Okay. This is weird, but other people wholeheartedly believe fairies exist so maybe they've been right all along? Maybe I'm just dreaming, that's possible too. In any case maybe I shouldn't be so rude.

"Hey, sorry for staring at you like this. Can I get your name?"

"No you can't, it's mine and I'd like to keep it but nice try"

I didn't want to steal any names but whatever, this is probably just a dream anyways

"Fair enough, what are you doing at my front door? Are you looking for someone?"

"My pet walrus Barry has escaped, have you seen it?"

Pet walrus? That's weird.. Then again, this is a fairy so whatever

"No, haven't seen any around, did you lose it in this neighborhood?"

In hindsight a stupid question. Of course they did, otherwise they wouldn't ask around here.

"Yeah, I am worried it's gonna scare people, it likes to lick faces and... well it weighs a metric ton and has giant teeth so you can imagine the average response"

I'd be fearing for my life to be honest

"Makes sense.. Do you have a phone number or something? So I can call you when I find it?"

"No but I can give you thi-"

They couldn't elaborate on what they wanted to give me because we were interrupted by a bloodcurdling scream, the kind a person only makes when confronted by a giant mammal or when noticing that all their expensive designer shoes had been drawn on by a toddler with an Edding 500 (long story)

"AAAAHHH! GET OFF ME! HELP!! HELP!! HEEELP!!!"

I had a suspicion where Barry was, the fairy who wanted to keep their name did as well apparently.

"Nevermind I think I'll find it soon, thank you anyways"

"No problem"

As the fairy flies off, I go back inside, close the door and start checking for signs I'm asleep. My fingers add up to ten, pinching my arm hurts, when I close my nose with my fingers I am unable to breathe... Fuck, I'm probably wide awake

I start texting my partner. I type "Hey I know this sounds crazy but I just talked to a fairy" but then I delete it again. That's something I have to either tell them in person or not at all

I'm just glad I wasn't the one with the walrus

for another piece of shitpost literature you could read this post

[rose-void-789]

Okay but the biggest thing for me that has always kept me from liking Izuocha is that I come from fairytail. I know shonen romance isn't boring. I know what it's like to see the two main leads love and fight and admire each other. And that's the thing that I always wanted for Ochako. I wanted badly for her to have what Lucy has.

And I did ship them at first because they were cute and I thought oh the hero name. The helping Deku win his entrance exam. Her having her own goals. Being broke the friendship. it seemed so much like Nalu. Better too because I could see Izuku blushing at her too.

And then someone says something about twin stars. About Izuku and Bakugou being intertwined. About win to save save to win. And then I see the second movie and my mind explodes. I reread the manga and realize what Katsuki did. Izuku was always pushing chasing looking at him. And that wasn't to say that izuocha couldn't happen but that interconnection I saw with Nalu wasn't it more with bkdk. And it kept getting worse. Ochako kept getting sidelined to better explore the relationship between Izuku and Bakugou.

Izuku never looked at her like she did him. Never thought about her like she did him. A blush or two wr got at most. But Ochako whole character started to soley revolved around her feelings towards him. She was the only one carrying the romance plot.

Mha isn't a show about romance but neither is Fairytail. And yet Lucy never got sideline in fact even with all the stuff on Zeref and Gray Lucy found herself interconnected to Natsu through her own bloodline. And they always had moments ones where he's scared of her getting hurt, of catching her from falling, of going berserk because he thought she died, of protecting her, of finishing a big villan off together, of being on missions together. Hell when he ran away shes the one that found him. When Izuku ran away bakugou found him. When Ochako was in danger Tsyu was there or any number of other heros, when she almost died Toga held her safely. Nalu gave me such a high expectation for shonen romance and female leads. So of course it's so frustrating seeing people call the obvious love intest boring when it can be anything that. To act like the female lead has to carry the romance plot and contribute nothing else. That the male lead can just walzt up to the that stupid clif and say that he loves her and that he always has when it was only ever iluded that he even thought that much about her in the last half of the war. And for her to so easily accept because when her whole arc is about her feelings for the guy isn't it only fair that they end up together.

Where is the interconnectivity, the care from him. Where is him looking at her the same way she looks up to him. How is the fanservice show better at writing a strong heroen! A strong partnership!

I'm so tried. I'm so sorry to everyone that's watch shonen and are expecting this out of female characters. That it's typical for the romance plot to be given to the girl and the big moments where I seen love intrest shine are given to the "rival." Ochako deserves better.

[wacky-wonders]

made more horror stamps =]

[lumiereswig]

the chilchuck dub drives me absolutely up the wall. why is the american voice so flat and one-note when the original voice gets so much variation and softness in? noticed it especially on the last ep when he was telling marcille about the tiny lifespan and she saw The Horrors. the japanese actor is softly like: i was just joking! while the american voice is ironic: i'm only kidding. that's a huge difference!!!! one is dad chilchuck having a joke that went off the rails, the other is just stirring shit for no reason. no wonder people see chilchuck as this sardonic beer-swigging twig with dead eyes (he is that but also more)

[dizzybizz]

you will never guess but i have another magma compilation

the discord didn't appreciate my "she hanako on my toilet til im bound" joke 💔

the only non magma art from the past few days someone drag me away from there

[sydchan]

I don’t think you all realize how many times I’ve had to hold myself back from going on a long rant about the age gap N and Hilbert allegedly have according to Bulbapedia (just so you all know, I stand on the freak side of things, I genuinely would still ship them if the Pokemon company swore they were 14 and 20). It’s just narratively this is nonsense and does not fit and Word Of God means nothing when compared to source material so 16 and 18 makes way more sense. But again…not worth rambling about. One thing I will say is while I can kind of buy N as 20 (21 would make more sense as the next age milestone after 18 he might have been coronated at, but I guess 20 is from when you’re an adult in Japan?) it’s honestly Hilbert as 14 that grinds my gears more. Like why does Bulbapedia say he’s 14 and then within the trivia section of that very page, mention that interviews say he and Hilda were designed as 16. Like at least list 14-16 as the age range??? Like bruh, why is it not a range????? 16 is clearly one of the correct interpretation of his age. Constantly perplexed by this.

The damage Bulbapedia has done cause fools won’t play the source material and come to their own conclusions….

Like I guess if one wishes to assume Hilbert is younger than the game implies and N is older than the game implies have at it. You do you. But it’s such a bizarre shift to see in how the ship is viewed.

[introspectivememories]

i know we like to make fun of naruto these days but like. there was a time when it was good. real. full of potential. there was a time when there was genuinely something there. when every character had potential or was interesting. before kishi went off the rails. before madara and kaguya and boruto. the promise of something new. there was something there with wave, with the chunin exam arc, with rock lee vs gaara, with neji and hinata, with the sasuke retrieval arc. there was something there with the worldbuilding and the mystery of tobi. with sakura's character, with tsunade, with kurenai and asuma and gai. like i get making fun of it, i do it all the time. but i long for the times, when everything about naruto was fresh and exciting, when the stakes were real. before he turned into ninja jesus and before the moon goddess got involved. before every character that was a female got shafted. before their fucking eyes could rewrite space-time reality or whatever. like make fun of it all you want but never forget what they took from us. the potential they robbed from us. the worldbuilding and character arcs that got shafted to give us whatever the hell that last part was. there was a time when naruto was good.

[butterflieswhisper]

hiiii ^^ beastlife fishie analysis. spoilers ahead. etc etc

okay so. the main point of this is simple. I don't think the salmon head cursed c!fishie. Explaining that is the harder part I think. also i'm going to refer to the salmon head thing in e5 as "the incident" from here on out because frankly i think it's funny

Let's start with the incident. The big day. etc. What happened? Why did it happen? Obligatory third questioning statement? Well. She was gifted the salmon head for her birthday by kiwi(or like. someone in the kiwibird system. -bird system. the birds). Immediately upon receiving it she relives parts of season one and fishie herself doesn't really acknowledge it. The other players definitely notice but im not caught up enough in any other pov yet to like have thoughts on that I'll come back to that point someday. Fishie seems shaken, sure, but she moves on so quickly, especially considering what happened just there. 37 seconds of standing frozen, unresponsive. she recovers in 5 seconds. And seeing how she reacts later on to realizing the memory situation--if she was aware that happened, she would probably be concerned by it. She puts it on for a brief second at the end of the party and takes it off immediately. She's otherwise normal -- well. as normal as she is otherwise up to that point. Because that is also how she acts with pretty much any salmon head, even just kiwi herself.

I raise: Episode one, about 8:20 in. The slow zoom on kiwi as the static overtakes every other noise. This is the *exact* same behavior displayed when fishie receives the salmon head, albeit without actual concrete old video footage style flashbacks. In episode two (28:55ish) the same thing happens when she looks at the salmon head in moch's house, but this time there is technically a flashback -- kiwis grave. Fishie moves on immediately and doesn't acknowledge her behavior at all, and, seeing as it is fishie, im inclined to believe that means she does not know she is doing it. Fishie (when alone) will discuss all of her problems in immense, and usually misguided detail (bestie i promise kiwi doesn't hate you???) to the audience and/or herself. I mean she's not alone in episode one, and it is technically presession, and i guess getting struck by lightning is a decent distraction from your problems, but in episode two? She is completely alone. There is nobody with her. She went looking for moch and moch is not there. She still doesn't acknowledge the fiveish seconds she is completely frozen. This happens again and again with kiwi and salmon heads.

And then that leads you to e5. The incident. She's. well. she's doing worse. 0:50. "This will distract me if i leave it up." This is the first mention from fishie herself about how fucking weird she's being, and even then she doesn't seem concerned. I think she does not realize she's being so so incredibly weird about it. If the static and freezing is what's referred to as "distraction" then keeping it in her inventory makes it worse actually so it wouldn't really make sense unless the way it is distracting her is NOT the. well. whatever the fuck is wrong with her (affectionate). After she puts the head on there's the static all the time but for a short brief amount of time she's like significantly more normal and i don't really know if that means anything i just think it's really funny.

And then we all know what goes on during the incident i'm not analyzing this video frame by frame. um. i could. but i am not going to right now. And then she has the conversation on the table with kiwi where she like is normal for 5 minutes. Like genuinely the most. i guess stable? fishie's thought process is is like in the moments directly after the incident. She is immediately understanding with the antikiwi situation, they come to an agreement that they're like. okay now. "thank you for everything and im so sorry i couldnt do more" / "it was short, but it was nice" "i knew what i was getting into when i married you" etc etc and then they kind of rush it at the end because people won't stop dying. But then fishie is fishie and takes it in the complete opposite extreme (from. um. whatever was wrong up until now. to "oh kiwibird must secretly hate me because" and then there's no real good reason she's just like that) and it's also an issue. And i think the season two memory thing is also a part of that but this is so long already and so i'm not going to get into it rn. So bringing all of this back to my original point: the salmon head was not the cause of the curse(?) because she's been so weird all the time forever and the salmon head thing was just like. an effect. of whatever went Wrong(tm) in the season transition. like the head was a vessel to Be Worse about it but i feel like it would have worked with any salmon head she got her hands on and that it happened to be kiwico was a coincidence and also that the head wasn't cursed at all there's just something deeply wrong with fishie s3 in general and uh yeah 👍

I'm so sorry this is so disjointed i had a thesis statement and everything. alas

[blindmagdalena]

This headcanon/fic hybrid has been updated and partially rewritten to have a proper beginning, more fleshed out middle, a new ending, and better perspective. You can find it here! Anonymous asked:

Lionlander?! Idea!

What if I'm some way somehow S/o ran into Homelander and a whole scenario played out like the Lion with the thorn stuck in his paw and Homelander being the lion of course and little s/I bring the mouse lol. I can imagine it now! Homelander being in some situation where he can't believe he actually needs help (not sure what kind of situation that would be lol) uhhh how could the great Homelander get himself stuck in this mess?! Then little short adorable s/o comes along just ordinary and minding her own business and notices poor Homelander in his situation she doesn't laugh or get scared despite his grumpiness towards her instead she just smiles sweetly and comes over and helps him... Being completely warm and friendly wanting to make a new friend rather than run away...

OOHHH you know, I've been pondering the repercussions of a possible "kryptonite" for Homelander being discovered. An Anti-V, if you will. Imagine he's soaring through the sky and hears something whistling through the air behind him. Some kind of projectile? a small missile, maybe? It's nothing he hasn't handled before. It could blow up in his hand and he would be fine.

In that split second he has to react, he decides to forego dodging it, and see where it's coming from, honing in his vision, except as it gets nearer, his vision begins to tunnel. What the fuck? His reflexes slow, and before he knows it, the projectile strikes him in the chest, fumes filling his lungs and coating his skin. He feels like he's been turned inside out. Suddenly he's plummeting towards the ground, and crashes directly into your backyard, an eruption of snow and yard furniture.

He's out like a light, and when you muster up the courage to approach him, he's not moving. Oh god, he's not breathing. In your panic, your brain shuts off, and you act without thinking.

When Homelander comes to, he's being shaken. No, compressed, hands over his chest, pulsing again and again in a rhythm. Warm lips press against his, and a rush of air fills his lungs. His eyes snap open, and out of pure reflex, he shoves you away from him, sitting up with a frenzied look in his eyes.

You should have flown back thirty feet with a shove like that. Instead, you only fell back onto your ass. Homelander's hands are shaking as he looks at them, and he can feel blood dripping from his ears, taste it in his mouth. He's disoriented, his whole body feels heavy. He's having trouble breathing, and his heart is pounding.

"Someone tried to kill me," he rasps in disbelief. Not surprised that someone tried, but that someone very nearly succeeded. "Someone... Someone tried to fucking kill me," he says again, growing more hysteric the more the pain sets in.

He's wild-eyed, breathing erratic, and you're afraid he's about to put himself into cardiac arrest. He may not have his usual strength, but the brutal way he punched his palm into your chest was still no joke.

"Homelander!" You address sharply, trying to rein in your own bubbling panic. What if whoever tried to kill him is coming for him? "I can help you, okay? Let me help you."

Maybe it's something in the tone of your voice, equal parts authoritative and compassionate, or maybe it's the degree of his vulnerability sinking in, but after a second of dumbfounded staring, Homelander nods.

It's pure adrenaline that gives you the strength to help him into your house. He's practically dead weight in your arms, barely keeping himself on his feet as you both stumble into your living room. The height difference does neither of you any favors.

You get him down onto the couch before fetching a wet rag and a first aid kit. As you lean over him, he sees a mottled mark blossoming darkly across the center of your chest, just under your collarbone, approximately the size of his palm.

Without thinking, he reaches up to touch it. You startle, looking down where he touches. You now notice the beginnings of the bruise, too. "Don't worry about me," you tell him, as comforting as you can muster. It stings where he presses his fingers in, the skin tender. You grasp his wrist and gently lay it back down at his side.

I'm not worried about you, he thinks numbly. "That should have caved in your chest."

"Guess it's my lucky day, then," you say absently, more focused on using a wet cloth to wipe away the blood from his temple, up into his hairline, seeking the injury. You're meticulous but gentle in the way you handle him, cupping the side of his face to turn him one way, then another. "I think these need stitches," you say, brows furrowed. Homelander's gaze lingers on your lips as you speak.

What kind of person sees someone fall out of the fucking sky, and then thinks to give them CPR?

"I'm calling an ambulance," you say, moving to stand. Homelander catches you by the wrist, stopping you in your tracks.

"No, no, not... Don't do that," he says, screwing his eyes shut briefly. No one else can know that this happened. Besides, if those psychopaths are still out there, it will draw them right to him. "Too much attention, I just... give me a fucking minute," he says, flexing his hands. They still feel weak, tingling like they've fallen asleep, but the pain is beginning to abate.

Whatever was done to him, it doesn't seem to be permanent.

Thank fucking Christ.

"Okay," you say tentatively. Instead, you continue wiping the blood from his face, gently rubbing it from his temples, down his jaw. Homelander watches you like a hawk, rolling his fingers in and out of fists, gradually feeling his strength return to him.

He's unaccustomed to the way you're handling him. One hand cupping his jaw, ginger in the way you move his head, though only when you absolutely need to. The concern wrinkled between your brows is so palpable, so sincere, he almost forgets you're strangers.

"What're you doing?" He asks, voice low, nearly a growl.

You pause, looking down to meet his eye. "Oh, I just... There's still blood, and I didn't want to leave you alone."

Your response tightens something in his chest, like a steel coil wrung too tight. It's uncomfortable. He feels small, vulnerable, and the tenderness of your touch is doing nothing for the feel of it.

"I don't need you," he snaps defensively. "I'm fine."

"Okay," you respond, aggravatingly calm. Still soothing. "What do you need?"

Homelander opens his mouth, but hesitates. Your earnestness is infuriating, waiting on baited breath for what you can do for him. He closes his mouth, jaw tight. His gaze flickers back down to the bruise on your chest. It's darker now, varying shades of purple and yellow fading into one another.

Looking back up at you, Homelander evens his expression. "Close the blinds," he says, gesturing with his head to the window, where you have twinkling white Christmas lights strung up. "I need to lay low awhile." Though he can feel his powers steadily returning, it would be foolish to fly before nightfall. Whoever shot at him could have another round loaded and waiting. Once he gets back to Vought, he'll find out who it was, and rip out their fucking spine.

You've already gotten up to do as he asked, drawing the blinds down, and then closing the curtains over them. Afterwards, you turn to leave.

"Hey," Homelander calls, frowning. You stop in the doorway. "Where are you going?"

"The kitchen," you answer, hand on the doorframe. "You can call if you need something."

"Stay here," Homelander says, ignoring the bit of petulance he can hear in his own voice. He doesn't care if you're confused. He doesn't care that he doesn't entirely understand himself. He just wants you to stay.

Homelander watches you take a seat at the end of the couch, near his feet. He exhales, closing his eyes. It isn't as though you could do anything if proficient killers did appear, but for whatever reason, no matter how useless you would ultimately be, he feels better for having you near.

After half an hour, his senses begin to sharpen again. It begins as a dull, irritating buzz at first, but grows gradually more clear. Of all the commotion he's becoming aware of, he fixates on your breathing to drown out the rest.

After an hour, he learns your name, that you work from home, you like decorating for Christmas, even when you spend it alone, and that you've lived a thoroughly dull, ordinary little life until this very moment.

From his observations , he's learned the rhythm of your heartbeat, that you touch your face when you're nervous, and that you would rather laugh than take any of his disparaging remarks about your mundane life to heart.

"I think it's very lucky for you that I am so boring. I might not have been here otherwise," you counter. Your smile is so utterly charming, Homelander forgets to refute your point. Instead, much to your alarm, he sits up.

"Oh, steady. Are you sure you're okay?" You ask, standing as he does. Homelander stretches his hands out in front of him, and then curls his arms back in. Exhaling, his eyes flare crimson. He likes the way it makes your heart jump when he looks at you through the red glow.

Homelander's lips quirk, lasers fading out. "Good as new," he says confidently, though the aches of his fall still linger in his joints. He takes a few long strides across your living room, pausing in the doorway to your kitchen, where he can see through to your yard, and the absolute crater he left in it.

"Vought will... take care of that," he says, gesturing vaguely to the destruction.

You can't help but laugh, crossing your arms. "I appreciate it, but really, I'm just glad you're alright," you say honestly, staring out into the wreckage of your yard.

Homelander purses his lips slightly, glancing at you from his peripheral. Above him, he feels something brush the top of his head. When he glances up, what he sees hung in the doorway makes him smile deviously.

Without warning, Homelander puts his hands on your waist, and pulls you to him, lips landing warm and firm on yours. He absolutely devours the surprised little noise you make against him, halfway tempted to see what other sounds he can wring from you. He hears your heart begin to race, and much to his delight, you kiss him back. You even surprise him by grabbing the back of his neck, sinking deeper into the kiss.

When Homelander pulls back, you're flushed prettily from the tip of your nose to the tips of your ears.

"What... was that?" You ask, dazed.

"Mistletoe," he purrs. You look up when he points, and huff a gentle little laugh, nodding at the aforementioned ornament dangling above you.

"Is this your way of saying thank you?" You ask playfully, your shoulders relaxing. "I hope you're still going to pay for my yard."

It's Homelander's turn to chuckle. "Oh, no. I haven't said thank you yet," he says, hands lingering on your hips. He'd only meant it to be a quick thing, but now you're toying with the hair at the nape of his neck. He licks his lips.

There's still a couple more hours until sundown. Once he gets back to Vought, he'll figure out exactly what the fuck he got blasted by. For now, he owes you a proper thank you, and himself a little Christmas treat for his trouble.

[saltytwi]

nine

rambling in tags

[wall-e-gorl]

hellooooo ive made a uc fankid oc <3 more about her under the cut, so that this post isnt a mile long <3

her name is Dyllin, because i had to, and shes SO cute. Shes got a little lopsided grin, and one dimple, and the cutest smattering of freckles on her nose right where her fur starts to turn pink. Both Rian and Atty are trans, so they raised her gender neutrally until she could tell them who she was herself (thus atty using they for her in that one art), and when she was about 3 she said she was a girl and now she wears all the pretty flowy dresses she can get her hands on (uncle foq supplies many of them)!

in the art above shes: 14, 16 (colored in), 19? (lines), ambiguous age younger than 3, 5?, and also 5. I think that ill mainly draw her as a little kid or around 14, cause those ages are where more interesting dynamics happen with people. Lots of funny kiddy moments, and growing into your own person moments. Which! is what im about in fankids! beyond just drawing a cute kid and having fun with design (which im also all about but just to give an explaination for why im drawing her at those ages). I dont think i want to go into adult ages for her yet, cause for the moment its about her being a fankid for me.

She takes after Chet and mostly Foq much more in personality than either of her actual parents, so shes a very carefree happy-go-lucky kid. To Rian's absolute horror (see below, for their rage at finding out), Foq flounces his way into being a archfey and becomes her warlock patron when shes a little kid, but its alright Aunt Scenda is her cleric deity so shes got a balance for his chaos! (she doesnt balance shit but it does make rian not kill foq over the pact so! whatever works!)

[ennard-is-near]

As a fnaf movie enjoyer I would be so down to hear your thoughts on it! Like genuinely curious. I like hearing people's other perspectives

Of course! I probably should have clarified anyway. Just know that everything I say is lighthearted. I’m not mad at anyone who likes the movie, I think there’s some stuff about it that is fun, it just really didn’t do it for me personally. This is going to be a long one, so I’m sorry about that. Thank you for the ask!

Of course there are positives:

It looks great! The pizzeria, the animatronics, the sets and actors. Everything is really well done on a technical level. This extends to the casting being incredible. Matthew Lillard was a perfect choice for William Afton, he does insane guy pretending to be regular very well. Josh Hutcherson, Piper Rubio, Elizabeth Lail, the guy who played Doug, MATPAT??? All slay so hard. Everything like that about the movie is good.

Mike and Abby have a cute relationship. All the family stuff is actually really well done. I think it was a weird addition (I’ll touch on this later) but as it is it’s a well done part of the movie.

The little fan service bits are super fun. I shat my pants when Sparky the Dog came onscreen. That one guy being named Carl and getting his face eaten by the cupcake, the use of The Living Tombstone’s song at the end, MatPat. All these moments are great.

Dumb fun. I mean, it’s the FNaF movie. They build a fort! Freddy Fazbear is there! William Afton is there (sort of…)! Vanessa throws Mike’s Xanax or whatever into a lake! That’s hilarious! I enjoy the movie in this regard. As a FNaF fan who is occasionally willing to overlook everything I find disappointing about the movie, it’s fun.

However, it’s still not really a good movie.

I think this movie was pitched as being “For the fans” but aside from the little moments, like the ones I mentioned earlier, it isn’t really that. And it’s not clear enough for someone who has no idea what FNaF is to follow (that’s why critics were so confused). I don’t know how to Segway this into the next topic so here’s a few things that really bugged me from a fan perspective. 

The Aftons are not prominent or interesting at all. This should have been a slam dunk and it wasn’t. I might get in trouble for talking too much shit about Vanessa because people tend to love her for some reason, but she’s so boring. She doesn’t have that much personality or clear motivation and only shows up to deliver exposition or get stabbed. She has a lot of potential, maybe I could over analyze her potential one day, but as she stands she is not interesting. And don’t even get me started on William. He’s in like two scenes, doesn’t have any clear motivation at all and then just shows up at the end to get springlocked. I want to see him!!! Lemme see William! Why isn’t he more of a constant threat throughout the movie? Instead there’s a random child custody based subplot and the antagonist for most of the movie is some random character they made up and not William fucking Afton?? What’s his deal? It’s obviously not remnant because that doesn’t make sense based off his actions in the movie. I think they should have spent more time clarifying the motives for the movie Aftons, because as they stand they are completely different characters from their game counterparts (which is fine) but with no known motivations or personalities. Like you can’t expect me to apply their game motivations to this movie when they’re clearly super different.

The pizzeria isn’t prominent enough either. Mike doesn’t enough know what Freddy’s is despite probably being a child in the 80s. Garrett is kidnapped in the woods (Why did William Afton do that?) Mike spends more time zonked out and dreaming about Nebraska than he does thinking about Freddy Fazbear. It’s a bummer because it’s such a cool location, but the climax could have taken place almost anywhere and would have had the same effect with how few shits Mike gives about the Pizzeria. Which is a bummer because if Mike had just been a Charlie Emily type character then it would have been so easy. His dad was co-owner, his brother went missing there and now he has to go back and confront his demons. Have him freak out a little when the employment office guy tells him he can only get work at Freddy’s. Have him squint with vague recognition at “Steve Raglan” but not be able to put his finger on where he knows him from. Easy, doesn’t add too much and really brings the setting together.

The dream thing is kind of a stupid addition. It would be fine in a regular horror movie, but this is the FNaF movie? And it’s not a FNaF 4 reference because that’s not how FNaF 4 is. I get that they wanted to reference Dream Theory, which is a super fun reference but not enough to be the plot of the entire movie.

Not quite game compliant enough for a couple very specific things. I get that it’s a different media but like…Why can the kids appear in dreams? Why do they respond to drawings? Hey…why is Golden Freddy able to move around and stuff? That’s like his whole thing!

Some Random nitpicks: Wouldn’t it be more fun if the animatronics had beef with Vanessa? Isn’t the whole thing in the games that they don’t really like the kid of William Afton? The cupcake is too violent. The drawing thing is really stupid imo, especially because the kids seem creepy and violent even when they aren’t listening to William. I don’t think what Mike did to Garrett was bad enough idk, like I get that he feels responsible for his death, but he isn’t. Whereas Michael Afton was totally at fault for his brother’s death, Garrett was randomly picked up in the woods in Nebraska. The springlock scene was super lame, literally just period cramps. I get that it couldn’t be too intense because the movie was PG13 but maybe don’t make the movie PG13 if you can’t properly include one of the most iconic things in the games.

(These are the big ones. There’s a billion other things I could say but I think we’d be here all day)

But also, aside from being the FNaF movie…it’s just not a very good movie. The plot is all over the place. Nothing is explained very well. There’s a lot of exposition but not even about the things that matter. I don’t want to say that it wasn’t scary because I don’t personally get scared by horror movies but it wasn’t even intense. How are the animatronics a threat when they can be taken down with a taser? (I get that this is possibly a reference to 5 & 6 with the controlled shocks and such, but in those games they had to be like in a fixed spot and the taser was just a button, this can be taken places.) There are two antagonists and one of them is super random (if you don’t know the games), I’ve got a little facial blindness so if I didn’t know that Steve and William were the same based off prior knowledge I wouldn’t have put it together. It’s painfully slow at some points. The ghost children are underdeveloped. Certain arcs don’t go anywhere. It’s just all over the place.

And I think if it was a bad movie, that would be okay as long as it was a good FNaF movie. Or if it was a good movie, it would be okay for it to be a bad FNaF movie. But it’s not really great at being either thing, so (imo) it’s sort of just a terrible movie.

And it’s sad actually because I really wanted to love this movie. When I saw it in theaters, I left thinking it was a pretty solid movie, actually. Because I love FNaF and I was just happy to see it finally get the movie I’ve been waiting on since like 2015. But then I watched it 3 more times, and I started to realize that aside from the lore for the movie characters I made up in my own head and the fact that OMG Freddy Fazbear it wasn’t really a good movie or a good adaptation. I don’t hate it, though, I just think it’s a terrible movie (if that makes any sense). I’ll still go see the second one though, I’ll probably dress up too.

Final thoughts?

I think that a lot of the love for this movie comes, not from the source material, but from everything we made up afterwards. Headcanons and fan comics and fanfiction and the like. And that’s great! I’m glad people are taking a movie that I think is terrible, really I do. It just personally doesn’t do it for me, and that’s fine. Not every movie is for everyone, no movie could have been made that would satisfy every fan (The one they made just happens to not be for me. There’s a universe not too far from this one where I think the movie was great and you hate it.) And, hey, maybe the sequel will fix all the issues I have with it? Who knows. Only time (Dec 2025) will tell.

TLDR, I guess?

The movie has positives and it’s good fun, but there are so many flaws that make it both a bad movie and a disappointing FNaF adaptation. It’s great if you love it, I truly wish I did, but it just has too many flaws I personally can’t overlook.

Sorry this is an INSANE response to this ask, I have been looking for an excuse to type all this out for so long. Thank you for asking, thank you for reading, heart emoji heart emoji heart emoji.