#this would have been a killer live performance tbh

[grantairezee]

me: *truing to watch the Dior Cruise 2021 runway show*

the camera guys: *keep cutting to the cool background dancers so I can't see half the clothes*

[dayscapism]

K-Dramas recommendations & short reviews

Because I've watched way too many to not make a list. Warning: I like romance and fantasy a bit too much.

These shows made me cry. 10/10. Five stars. Recommend to anyone. They live in my mind rent-free:

Extraordinary Attorney Woo (2022) - Attorney Woo is such a wonderful person, I love her character. I can't say much about the representation, but I like that it opens up the conversation around autism & neurodivergence, discrimination and prejudice, particularly in work environments. I rarely like shows about law or lawyers but I was surprisingly engaged with the cases and the story. It deserves a second season. (The only thing I don't like about this show is they're pushing for a MinWoo and Choi Su-Yeon ship. Which huh--disrespectful.)

Hotel Del Luna (2019) - A great place to start with k-dramas if you like paranormal fantasy. This show has such a special place in my heart. I wanted a different ending but I am okay with it because it was a tight narrative. The main character is iconic (Man-Wol please step on me). The show has amazing sets, AMAZING costumes, an amazing OST, amazing and heartbreaking performance by Yeo Jin Goo. The main couple is so soft; like they're such good friends and coworkers and gentle with each other (eventually). It's enemies to reluctant friends to lovers. It's perfect for asexual viewers who want more than physicality in their romance shows. Cons: the secondary characters' goodbyes and backstories left a little to be desired. A few other nitpicks like Chang-Seong is the one to suggest the main character a new hobby instead of her just discovering it by herself.

It's Okay to Not Be Okay (2020) - Also a good place to start with k-dramas. This show is a lesson in good narrative; this has perfect writing & storytelling. The cast is so good. The female lead is an icon. The character work I excellent. The mental health issues are so well addressed and it taught me a lot about mental health I wasn't aware of. Each small minor character plays a very important thematic role. (The villain isn't the best thing ever but she serves her role in the themes and plot.) The production and the storytelling with the children's book animations are just *heart eyes*. The OST is so good too. You need to watch this to understand how good a k-dramas can be. A must-watch.

Goblin: The Lonely and Great God (2016) - This is the most iconic fantasy/paranormal k-drama ever. A lot of current tropes were started here I think (including the weird k drama last-episode time jump separation of the main couple). This show broke me. You will cry. The bromance and comedy are amazing here too. Gong Yoo and Dong Wook Lee have great chemistry. Main female lead is so cute and her character is so heartwarming. The ending felt a bit rushed. The death, existential related stuff with the grim reapers and such is so good tho.

Business Proposal (2022) - Best rom-com ever! (Well, it could be gayer tbh.) It's my new comfort show. I already watched it twice. It's campy, hilarious, chaotic, iconic and messy in a way that feels like real life (but obviously played up for drama and comedy). Excellent character work. The love interest is definitely written by a woman. Gorgeous cast (Sejeon omg I have a crush, but also the others). It was too short! I would have loved another episode, and more of Grandpa and Ha-Ri. Warning: this has the weird kdrama last-episode time jump couple separation.

W: Two Worlds (2016) - A young resident medic accidentally finds her way inside the webcomic her father created. Like, that premise is killer. We have Lee Jong Suk at his finest here; the character fits him so well. He was born to play a lead. This show has amazing meta-commentary on writing, authorship, and existential crisis. The confrontation between the webcomic character Kang Cheol and the author is insane! The main couple is an epic pair. Would rewatch. High wump value. Cons: The second part could have been more swoony with the romance, Kang Cheol kind of became a bit cold. (A warning: this show also has the k drama weird last-episode time jump couple separation.)

Would recommend with popcorn, I rate them 8/10:

Crash Landing on You (2019) - Really good. The main couple has the best chemistry I've ever seen. It's not that much of a personal fave show, but still pretty awesome and will tug at your heart. It got a bit overly dramatic in the last episodes and again, has that k-drama last episode weird time jump couple separation, but here it actually makes sense. And sort of mirrors the separation and eventual unification of the Korean Peninsula. It was very interesting to see the contrast between North and South Korea.

Shooting Stars (2022) - Aside from the terrible, horrible, insulting Africa storyline (where the male lead goes to 'help' African kids with water scarcity, not even a country name is called, he just goes to *gestures vaguely* Africa to help goddammit he's such a beautiful soul! /s) There's a weird creepy sugar mommy wannabe side storyline and it's weird and out of nowhere. But the rest of it is good and campy and the main characters are so cute. All the couples are cute. The male lead is a cute disaster. Female lead is also a capable cutey but a disaster when it comes to romance. It's hilarious. I love all characters. It's fun. It's great. It shows a very interesting side of the entertainment industry.

While You Were Sleeping (2017) - A man and a woman who don't know each other have precognition powers and after they meet, they use them to take down a corrupt lawyer. The show isn't very heavy on the romance, tough the pair work pretty well together. I liked the main actress. Lee Jong Suk has chemistry with anyone. The male role was not exactly a good fit for Jong Suk. He's so much more naturally charming than the character. It's a fun show to pass the time. The found family is nice and all the characters work great together. The mom is great.

The King's Affection (2021) - I'm going to be honest, I didn't finish watching this. Ups. I got bored after episode 15. It's a very slow show but what I watched was quite good. It was just not a show for me. Having a bisexual male lead was awesome, I appreciate that he falls for the main character while he thinks she's a man. (Could be gayer tho, just saying.) Pretty good discussions and reversals of gender cliches. It has complicated parent-child relationships that are very well written which gives a lot of heart and heartbreak to this story. The political stuff gets very convoluted. I really wish the queer part was bigger though, and not limited to the main couple. We could even have poly representation! I still have half a mind to finish this but I don't know There are so many other shows I'd rather watch instead. (Boy, I really need to get into the actually queer side of k-dramas because the side I'm currently on is giving me crumbs.)

Lovers of the Red Sky (2021) - The premise was so cool. This has so much lore I like and the setting is beautiful and rich, but it also has so much lost potential. The plot is very weak in the second half and could be restructured. I loved the atmosphere, costumes and the actors and their characters: the blind cursed scholar nobleman, the female genius cheeky painter and her friend trio and the prince are all great characters. Ahn Hyo Seop is pretty good in it and looks very pretty indeed in historical costume (but the design of the villain creature he's possessed/cursed with is so, so bad omg). Great premise failed execution. Good first half but it went over the rails quickly. Still entertaining if you like historical fantasy.

Romance is a Bonus Book (2019) - It's a bit slow and could have done so much more with the female lead and her child. She's a bit underwhelming and her daughter is barely in the story. The second female character played by Jeong Eu-Gene was awesome, I love this actress now. Lee Jung Suk is always looking hot and being an excellent actor with what he's given; he's very charming here. He could have chemistry with a piece of wood and yet I wasn't that fan of the romance. Maybe it's just because friends to lovers isn't my cup of tea. There's a weird out-of-nowhere backstory between the male leads. The commentary of ageism in the workplace is a bit surface level (it's not that big of a deal for the company if you're overqualified for a job, the point should be that is an issue for you and your career, who is too good for the company). You can tell the writers really care about books; it's definitely a love letter to editors and an interesting window into the world of book publishing; you can feel the love editors put into making books. Bonus: the founding members of the publishing company have very funny moments.

Do no recommend:

King: Eternal Monarch - Couldn't even finish this. I was so, so confused. The dialogue, narrative and backstory make no sense! Everything is so unnecessarily confusing. There's no chemistry between the main couple. The king and the bodyguard had more chemistry. Lee Jung-Jin (playing the villain Lee Lim) & Woo Do-Hwan (the bodyguard) carried this show and are pretty much the only thing good about it. The female lead is sidelined. It had an intriguing premise but failed execution.

What's Wrong With Secretary Kim - Skimmed most of the second half. It's a mess. The love interest CEO is such a narcissist and asshole he wouldn't be able to keep a working, healthy relationship with his partner without some serious therapy first. The female lead seems to be repulsed by him most of the time even when together and even looks scared when they get intimate. There's an unnecessarily convoluted plotline about the main lead's brother and a kidnapping in their past. It has tonal issues and it's cringy rather than funny. The secondary characters are just a lot of useless filler. The female lead sacrifices her independence and dreams to be with the main guy. Just go watch Business Proposal instead.

Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo - The only pro of this show is IU. The romance went the undeveloped route. Cheap-looking production, with too many episodes, melodramatic, characters pivot in place instead of naturally developing; it's definitely a telenovela. The point that the female lead is from the future doesn't even matter for the story (should have made her a Goryeo historian instead of a random cosmetologist). Pass!

Tomorrow - Could not finish watching. Please, please don't watch it if you're dealing with depression, bullying or suicidal thoughts. Please don't. By episode 2 I was just screaming at the screen. Problematic? This show invented the word problematic. The supernatural task force that's supposed to save people with suicide risk is terrible at therapy and suicide prevention. They tell the person trying to commit suicide, literally on the edge of a building about to jump, that they should do it, that they're weak, they should just jump, go ahead! Like ... what????

Mystic Pop Up Bar - Didn't capture me by episode 2. Got bored. Some say this is better than Hotel Del Luna but I don't agree.

Abyss - It's a weird tonal mix. Would have preferred if it leaned further into the absurd (go all in with the humour or don't at all), the sci-fi or the murder mystery. Instead of just revealing by episode 3 who the murderer is, quickly changing the plot into a chase after the villain, even though he's so lame. But also he is keeps killing people and it gets dark. And then we cut to the main couple being silly and cute. It's so jarring. The leads have a great dynamic and Ahn Hyo Seop knows how to differentiate his characters really well, give them their own flavour., but in the end it's just a cool premise, failed execution. Very average.

Currently watching:

The Crowned Clown - Very interesting concept and gorgeous, gorgeous visuals. Plot drags a little. Has some tonal problems and oversimplification of politics. The best part is when Yeo Jin-Goo acts with himself haha. He's such a talented actor.

The Uncanny Counter - Get's a bit melodramatic sometimes but all four main actors are insanely good.

Tale of the Nine-Tailed - The main romantic relationship needs a lot more development, but the entire show is worth watching just for Dong Wook Lee and Kim Bum as brothers.

Alchemy of Souls - 6/10 so far. Currently watching season 2/part 2. Aside from the prince, I don't particularly care for any of the characters. Unpopular opinion but the main romantic pair have no chemistry. Mu-Deok has more chemistry with Yul and the prince, and the prince has more chemistry with Jang-Uk. The lore is confusing and inconsistent: it breaks its own rules. (Two souls in one body what?? when was this established as a thing?) There's not enough foreshadowing and setting up the rules of magic in this world (the Ice Stone comes up as a deux ex mahcina big plot point in the last second). It also drags; the episodes are too long. There's a lot of saying and ultimately the show doesn't deliver. The narrative structure is straight out of a fantasy Wattpad. The set and costumes are fun and cool for a fantasy world, and the first episode was great.  

[ebiemidnightlibrarian]

Oh, it's already that time of the year.

Hello, there!

Yeah, it's been a while since I posted something, but the thing is, I was just crawling out of the shitty pit I'm in when very suddenly my father fell seriously ill. Now I'm once again spiralling into my anxious pit.

But I'm a bit cheered up by the spooky season (even tho we don't have those around here). So, I decided to share some playlists, (a couple of creepy characters playlists and MORE), I've collected over the years and I hope they make your spooky season a bit more spooky.

Well, let's get started!

♱

First of all, we have the playlist I made for my darling Jerry Dandridge, I shared it a while ago, but tbh it's one of my all-time favourites. It has the vibes of the film and fits the vibes of the character, I just love it.

I'm still mad that Spotify doesn't have the Fright Night music theme by 'the J. geils band' nor the INCREDIBLE theme 'come to me' (both the singing and instrumental version) by brad fiedel. So if I had to say something is missing in this one, I would say these three songs.

Now, this man has taken over my life for almost THREE WHOLE YEARS, and I gotta thank Mike Flanagan for this. I know you already know of whom I'm talking about. Our beloved poor lil meow meow and vampire priest Father Paul.

He lives in my head rent-free ever since he screamed “HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL?!” into Riley's face. I honestly think I could fix him, or at least fuck him ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The next is a trash can of a man and has made me question my sanity and my moral compass, and I think that's full Hamish acting skills fault. Well, our favourite unhinged wolf man, John Tyler.

You know, I had two stalkers during my school years, and I think that definitely affected me, anyway I like to believe it's the look of those puppy eyes that had me.

Talking about stalking psychopaths, I think I have a historic, bc David Dastmachian's performance as MacGyver nemesis on the remake of the series changed me on a molecular level. That's right, I'm talking about everybody's favourite hitman, Murdoc!

Yeah, that leather trench coat and black high neck has me on my knees. Also, unironically, mama bear Murdoc it's actually very sexy.

Now my dearest, we get to the new stuff, this I haven't posted yet for some unknown reason, but it's time to let them see the moonlight!

Ngl, Lily Rabe has so may Iconic roles on AHS that I HAD to make her something. So, to my AHS lovers, we have a playlist full of eerie and sacrilegious songs to our favourite possessed nun!

Nobody can convince me that AHS: Asylum isn't the best season from the series, honestly, I always re-watch during the spooky season and always slays.

I'm a fan of themed/pov playlists, I find them very immersive, so I'm always doing them when I have the chance, so, in one of these opportunities, I did a 80s slasher pov playlist, that has such a cool vibe! I hope you guys feel the same!

This one is dedicated to the nostalgia boost that the 80s slashers are to me.

And for the last, but not leat, my Ultimate Halloween Playlist™, it has some of my favourite songs from each one of those playlists, and I'm always adding more. Which are your ultimate spooky season playlist? I'll love to know!

Well, I think that's all for now, have fun everyone and be safe!! Lots of love!!

[queenofplaguerats]

So I just saw the new Blumhouse flick, The Black Phone.

I'll get it out of the way and say: I thought it was pretty good. Seems like everyone involved knew what they were doing, nothing egregiously wrong with it. Solid cinematography and sound design, thematically resonant, even some mostly good performances from the child actors involved. And of course, Ethan Hawke portrayed The Grabber PHENOMENALLY.

All that out of the way, some spoiler talk, mostly focusing on my favorite element of the film, and the one I can critique the most, The Grabber himself.

Immediately, I was interested when I saw this mask. Designed by horror effects master Tom Savini himself. It does a lot for the character, obscuring his features and muffling his voice. It adds to his sinister presence. But what makes it really unique is that it isn't really one mask!

The mask is composed of 4 separate pieces, as far as I can tell. One eye piece and three interchangeable mouths that can be attached to it, or worn as separate masks. This allows the pieces to be subbed out, allowing for more expression on Hawke's part, or a less muffled voice, without entirely removing the mask from the equation.

Now, on to what I think is a weaker part: it seems like they had competing ideas of what the grabber would be, and they chose an awkward compromise.

There are moments where the grabber is meant to come off as frightening and mysterious, but we the audience know he's just some guy with a black van and a coked up conspiracy theorist brother living upstairs who's too stupid to realize the killer he's obsessed with is living under the same roof.

There are allusions to the grabber having some troubled childhood, possibly abused in a way he reenacts on his victims (whipped with a belt) and interestingly paralleled by the abuse our protagonists suffer at the hands of their own father. There's probably something here trying to be said about the cycle of abuse, which Finney, the kidnapped boy the film follows, breaks by escaping The Grabber.

This could work really well, making the grabber another abused child, the person who Finney could become, his father's already become, that he needs to choose to be better than. Buuut... No. That idea is never really expanded on, the film kills the comic relief brother who could have enlightened us as quickly and abruptly as it introduces him.

It also feels like at some point in the writing the brother, Max, may have been an alternate persona of The Grabber (who interestingly is never named as anything else), but if this is the case it was probably dropped early on, the brother a bizarre vestige of a script deemed too similar to Split or Malignant.

Oh, also The Grabber and both protagonists are psychic. This is never really explained beyond throwaway lines and an insinuation that their mother had similar abilities which drove her to suicide, or that their father drove her to it by gaslighting her about her psychic abilities. It's... Kinda dumb, tbh.

Most of the sister's storyline could have been cut, along with the Grabber's brother, and nothing of substance would be lost. They had literally no influence on the final outcome of the film. Seriously, if you watched it, think back. Those plot threads lead nowhere.

Anyway, 6/10, it was a fun watch, Ethan Hawke was great, iconic mask, a story that could have benefited from a sequel hook if we're being honest.

The Grabber would make a better slasher than kidnapper.

[johnnys-breastmilk]

Wally anon: I do what I can with descriptions. 🫡 And it would. be hot cause it makes him let loose all the sounds you never hear unless he's being super subby (& that's not even factoring in the possibility of gagging him if you're somewhere where you can't be loud cause he'll just be humping the air & desperate for you). You know I support it if you end up writing it. 🙌 (gotcha @ last min shopping. 👍 Oh, he would absolutely be i n s a n e over Valentine candy cause how infatuated he is with you. It probably becomes his new favorite holiday cause he's SO in love & can't handle it & would use all kinds of food. Melted chocolate. Whipped cream. Eating gummies off of your body. Etc.)

Oh, that would immediately lead to a crack about him looking like he just fucked a squid & him trying (& failing) to roleplay as. a squid.

Yup. I know there's always some risk with promos cause you've gotta show enough to get people's attention, but the biggest surprises for me were the chases & some of the nastier kills. 🦃 Oh, yeah, acting. wise, the killer delivered, but the motive? Mess 100%. Felt made up at the last sec. djddjd @ aren't that good. I guess it's a good thing I never watched them, then. 🤫 Double-edged sword, huh? @ gets to show off his singing, but leaving him stuck with...less ideal material. Yup, you get what I mean (but absolutely, love. how he looks & would not want him to try to kill himself to beef up for something like that ❌️). Hmm hmm, okay. Sorta like a Sebasian Valmont situation.

Yessss. That's that good good fluff shit. 🥳 He has such. a fixation for the smallest displays of affection like that & they're his favorite thing to do with you (next to fucking, as we have lengthily established dkfhdj). It's his love language fr. 🥰

It was hard (😉) to not. notice, cause like you said, they were always out. But, yeah, the pool scene r e a l l y lays everything out there for any & all fantasizing purposes lolll. Live your truth. Get up in those pits! 💪 (Oh, you'd never be able to get enough cause you know it intensifies whenever he's being REALLY rough with it, like how typical ghost movies have them leaving behind a ~scent~ this is just one thats much more appealing than the norm).

n/o to the actor cause I'm sure he's a wonderful person irl, but I also found him to give one of the worst performances in the movie, so that on top of the writing for Bobby was just like 😬 Yupppp. There's SO much going on with Ryan in just those few scenes that I hope is expanded upon in the sequel (without rehashing the love triangle mess) & it shows how much Milo can do with so little cause Wally has exponentially more for him to work with.

Agreed. Agreed. (I need to get back into it cause I've been dealing with the most criminal. writer's block the whole year 💀) Being self-indulgent with characters who don't have enough material >>> dhdjd you wanting more after all I've already sent. 🥴 I'll have to think on it, but I'm sure you can imagine some things that would slip in.

lollllll. Teen Wolf flashbacks there. Yuppp, you get it. It goes along with his whole exhibition/exposing his ass to you thing. He wants you to know that he knows his dick is just free & flopping around just within reach. 👀

Gummies gave me ptsd to a twitter video💀 I know he’s just vocal no matter what position he’s in as long as he’s in subby mode, even as a sub top he’d still be losing it. when he’s dom, i feel like he tries really hard to make it known that he’s the dom with lower grunts that feel more in his register compared to the noises he makes as a sub. i feel like he’d love gagging tbh, that way you can push him more and he makes less sound (well, he’s still making noise just no one can hear it but you because it’s so muffled. win-win) As for the valentines… yes yes yes, he is a master with all of them and knows just how to make them compliment his dick and ass in the best ways possible😮‍💨 the flavor is immaculate🤌

role playing as a squid would be funny to see (thinking about the boys episode where… yeah) He’s very go-with-the-flow so he’ll try to adapt to your jokes to make it funnier for sure

The motive wasn’t terrible imo but yeah it didn’t make much sense with the pregnancy part. He didn’t really know that about her sooo😭 yeah, definitely confusing. Just hoping Ryan gets revealed to be an accomplice in the second movie so we get more reasons for Milo to appear🤭 I like Zed tbh, he’s very much a sillier version of Wally in the best ways possible and matches the paranormal side of Wally’s charm (or, like Edward from twilight. though, because it’s a kid movie they never really explore much of the “i’m a zombie so i want to eat you ((out)) side of it, only that he wants to play football lmao) I’d recommend watching the first movie because it’s so dumb it’s almost worth a hate/joke-watch because of it, and it really brought Milo’s career up to lead into his other disney/movie roles. (sorry anon idk who sebastian velmont is but i think i can see what you’re getting at!!)

His love language is just touch, from the smallest to the biggest (taking/handling his massive dick) sksjsk

For reallll I was staring disrespectfully when I could see them peeking out in scenes (which was like 70 percent of them at least) and the pool scene because one of my favorites for simply having Wally in just shorts and some pretty sweet sunglasses too (but the pool is indoors… so why does he… nevermind) His scent lingering just means you know where he’s been, not to sound gross but it’s like a snail trail of musk that only you recognize by heart LMAO

Side tangent really quick, I thought Addison Rae did great in Thanks versus He’s all that. She did good in He’s all that but it was her first movie and the script was really bad, so it looked bad on her part because she didn’t have the skill to sell a bad script (which isn’t her fault in the slightest.) But agreed, Bobby had some of the worst acting and writing because he’s meant to be a bitter ex but the whole thing comes off as out of place because he left and he broke his arm doing stuff that was stupid. It was his fault through and through yet he takes it out on everyone (i’m pretty sure he was lying about being “framed” as a killer, just saying) But yessss Milo ate up the role of Ryan. He managed to sell himself as a studious douchebag who was arrogant yet deservedly so. He just crushes every role every time.

Same same, writers block was rough during classes because im in a stem major + this semester had a lot of writing credits (classes that are less theoretical in science and math and more writing focused) + i had public speaking which was also a very writing heavy class. it sucked but now im stuck with no hours at work and all the time i could ask for‼️😛 you should totally send some my way… even if they’re sloppy seconds (keeping with the theme of slipping in)

Yeah I mean he loves the each of nudging down the waistband of his shorts to let his dick free, or quickly rounding the elastic of his fat cheeks to expose himself. Makes it better when he’s working out or getting physical as a ghost and he just accidentally bends over and you can see everything in the back. He loves being able to life up the leg of his shorts and have easy access to tug on his dick or use the bathroom or whatever, it’s multi purposeful fr!!

[kradogsrats]

Rewatch Shitposts: S3, Ep 5-9

OKAY HOME STRETCH

v.

“I am the senate law”

SOREN, my baby

HAY HAY HAY HAY HAY

Soren like “and you all said CHA was a dump stat lmao”

“You are okay, right?” Claudia I can 110% assure you he is absolutely not okay and has not been for quite a while

Oh fuck, that “everything’s going to be okay, Dad” is very relevant to some of my current interests. I must have subconsciously remembered it.

Not shown: how Soren explains why he’s going back into the castle with his wagon of hay for the hungry, hungry horses still full

Pretty sure this ambler chase is a Breath of the Wild boss fight

ngl I do enjoy a good fictional fascist motivational speech

of course it’s a bit ruined because all I can hear at the end is “YOU are the weakest link, GOODBYE”

the smollest loaf of bread omg

Nyx like “I’ll just be sending you my matchmaker fee later, yeah?”

vi.

Aaravos: “you killed Avizandum”, Viren: “how dare you! …so who the fuck is that”

Ah, there we go with the last breath

Okay, so the unicorn horn can’t be in Puzzle House, because Claudia only got it right before Thunder was killed? Well, then I’m again no longer sure where they’re going with that. Unless it’s “Claudia meets the last unicorn as a child, then comes back for its horn ten years later.”

Appreciate Kasef’s “Wingarduim Levio-SAH” moment

… Horse girl Aaravos

Claudia really is behind literally every spell in this story isn’t she

vii.

Zubeia dying of a broken heart, as is traditional for cartoon mothers and also Padme Amidala

OH, Claudia DOES see adoraburrs, and it is perfection

Ah, the “Aaravos, no” “Aaravos YES” conversation

Basically Aaravos realizing that subtlety is absolutely not required at this point, thank you Viren

Shoutout to the multiple fanfics carefully describing thicc wormvaros crawling down Viren’s throat to be smuggled into Lux Aurea, that also is just gonna live rent-free in my head forever

“No, Mister Bond… I expect you to die”

If you haven’t read the ToX sourcebook adventure about the corrupted Sunforge as nuclear meltdown allegory, highly recommend because it’s actually pretty funny?

Kasef thinking he’s being the hero everyone needs…

Ibis a fucking hottie tbh

viii.

Ten days ago is what… when Zubeia would have received Runaan’s message? ... that is a joke about the series’ compressed timeline, I know that s1ep1 was longer ago than that.

Soren: “you may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like”

Love Calllum’s noodle arm during that fulminis cast

Scouting from the sky is not super useful when you’re above the cloud layer

Viren: /gets roundhouse-kicked doen a flight of stairs, literally bouncing the entire way down, me: … AND THEN HE DIED

Where was Zubeia, anyway? Postpartum spa day?

Soren really nailing it here

I know exactly enough ASL to see Callum spell “Rayla” and then do “friend”

ix.

Huh, I think Rayla just introduced two recaps in a row?

“transcend the limits of your human form” is usually a bad idea in this kind of context, just saying

I feel like it cannot be overstated how much LotR clearly influenced this initial battle choreography, but y’know what? Fair.

”I got more wind where that came from” is such a tragedy of a missed fart joke opportunity, but someone probably thought it was a mood-killer

Aanya just straight-up shoots a dude to death, demonstrating that she is, in fact, this show’s single biggest badass

Fire damage immunity a questionable trade-off for critical weakness to piercing

”We would have been here earlier, but we had to stop and make these sick battle standards”

Viren just… carries the coins everywhere, then? okay

Ah… of course. I see now what’s happening, here. (tbh it should have been obvious)

… and then he ACTUALLY died, despite there being no stairs involved(?)

Hmmm, Janai and the other Sunfire elves doing the human gesture of respect for the human king

I wonder if Zym will have a voice for s4?

/falls face down on the floor and just lies there

[starlightoffandoms]

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#i would love to see demon dean and collecting honey cas bc while completely unhinged demon dean would have been so careful & loving to him

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Me watching the Batman: *turn away for a second to check on the cat that's being real sneaky like*

Police Captain: *starts talking*

Me: *swings around almost hard enough to give myself whiplash* IS THAT IZZY HANDS?!!!!

Police Captain: *is Con O'Neill*

Me: it IS Izzy Hands!!!

Cat: *runs and hides from insane parent screaming about Izzy Hands*

12 notes - Posted April 20, 2022

#4

Looking for more Witcher blogs for me and my bestie @coffeebox62 to follow. I know I follow several of y'all and want to rec you to bestie but my brain doesn't retain blog names to share and I'm awful at tagging tbh. So if you post/reblog Witcher content please interact with this post. Thanks a bunch!

16 notes - Posted January 4, 2022

#3

I didn't have time to post Friday for the week's fics. Life happened but here we are! Hope you enjoy!

Day 15 – Smoke – Rated T – Sam and Dean retire from hunting and live their best versions of lives that work for them. Destiel and Salieen, Canon Divergence 

Day 16 – Red – Rated E – Serial killer boyfriends. Destiel AU

Day 17 – Muse – Rated T – Cas has performed as Jimmy Novak for years. The last few years have been rough and he hasn't been able to write any new music. To loosen up some, his friends take him out for a fun night. From that night forward he started to write as he'd never done before. Destiel AU

Day 18 – Tattoos – Rated T – Werewolf Dean hadn’t told Cas that he was a shapeshifter. Dean is forced to shift and Cas finds him. Destiel AU

Day 19 – Ladies – Rated G – Ladies night with a little extra. No ship, SPN ladies AU

Day 20 – Spa Day – Rated T – Eileen and Rowena set up a spa day for Cas with ulterior motives. Destiel Canon Divergence 

Day 21 – Haunted – Rated M – Dean remembered lost. Then the one day he had finally decided he'd had enough, the man he loved was back. Destiel Canon Divergence

Day 22 – Rain, Rain – Rated G - Kid Jack shows up on their doorstep. Destiel Canon Divergence

Day 23 – Sleepless Nights – Rated T – Dean and Cas welcome new additions to their family. Destiel Canon Divergence (I had accidentally tagged this as mcd, so if you skipped this I PROMISE it isn't mcd. that was my bad when I posted from my phone.)

Day 24- Fish – Rated T – Sam and Jack are up to no good but it has a happy ending. Destiel AU

Here is the series to stay up to date.

See the full post

18 notes - Posted October 26, 2022

#2

Week two coming at you!

Day 8 – Sober – Rated M - Cas was gone and Dean found himself at the bottom of too many bottles. He knew that he couldn't get the love of his life back if he didn't have a clear head. He'd do whatever it took to get him back. Destiel Canon Divergence

Day 9 – Vintage – Rated G – Cas explodes an ATM b/c it didn’t work properly. Destiel Canon Divergence 

Day 10 – Enchanted – Rated M – Dean buys an antique mirror at a flea market and gets more than he bargained for. Destiel AU

Day 11 – Drag – Rated M – Dean gets caught during a body dump. He is not a very good liar but Cas doesn't care. Two serial killers in the same area and Cas is just trying to protect his territory. Destiel AU Murder Boyfriends

Day 12 – Crossover – Rated T – Cas comes home one day and things are moved around. He checks his wards. They're all still in place. Over the next few days, things are moved, the TV randomly turns on, music plays out of nowhere, and the pie keeps getting removed from the fridge to the counter. Cas reinforces his warding. Then one day there is a man he doesn't know standing in the middle of his living room and he isn't quite corporal. Destiel AU

Day 13 – Morning After – Rated T – Sam wakes up not sure what the previous night after a huge hunt had held. Saileen Canon Divergence 

Day 14 – All for You – Rated M – Dean sees a flyer for an art project that paid $200 a day. Some doctorate student was in need of help with a project. He hoped that whoever Castiel was actually planned to pay. Destiel AU

Here is the series to stay up to date.

See the full post

19 notes - Posted October 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hey y'all! Back at it again this year. Here's the first week of fics!

Day 1 Maze/Maize – Rated T – Dean cooks Cas’ favorite foods. Destiel AU

Day 2 Pillow Talk – Not Rated – Aftercare. Destiel AU

Day 3 Digital – E – Dean is in heat and Cas is in another country. Destiel AU

Day 4 Wicked – T – Cas practices darker magic and the gov't doesn't like it. They do more than necessary inspections on his facility. Dean is being punished and gets assigned to difficult cases. Destiel AU

Day 5 A Perfect Disaster – M – Stubborn Dean didn't evacuate when he was told to. Luckily Cas has a safe house nearby. Destiel AU

Day 6 Parody – T – Dean had moved away as soon as he could from his abusive father. It doesn't mean he doesn't still end up dealing with bigoted assholes. Destiel AU

Day 7 Fine Wine – M – Dean and Cas had gone to high school together and occasionally ran in the same circles. It'd been over 20 years since they'd seen each other. They reconnect at a work event. Destiel AU

For some reason it's been all Destiel so far🤷🏾‍♀️. Was not the initial plan. We'll see how the rest of the month goes. Here is the series to stay up to date.

See the full post

28 notes - Posted October 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[swxppedshitposts]

Muse Bravery Checklist: Alexsander Lovecraft Repost and fill out the form all about what your muse would/wouldn’t be brave enough to do. Then tag any friends you’d like to see do it as well! Note that some of these aren’t smart things to do but in this case, bravery and risk are both included.

Tagged By: @hunting-songs Tagging: All you bitches <3

My muse would … [x] Spend the night in a haunted building (He lives in one lmao) [x] Go into a burning/collapsing building to save someone (If it's a woman or child, then yeah, probably) [x] Take a shortcut through a dark alleyway [x] Stay calm with a weapon pointed at them [x] Be confident defending themselves from an attack [x] Touch a dangerous exotic animal (Soup the maybe alligator isn't just an exception <3 He IS the dangerous exotic animal in most cases tbf) [x] Take someone else’s punishment to protect them (Only if he cares lmao) [x] Travel to an unknown place by themselves [x] Spend a night in the woods alone [ ] Witness (or join) a séance (I don't think he has enough reason to do that? I'm not saying he wouldn't if he had the right motive though) [x] Play a scary video game in the dark alone (He does this for fun) [ ] Explore a pitch black catacomb with only one light (He would definitely think of this as just a very stupid move to make for no good reason lmao he wouldn't do this for just anybody) [x] Contact the spirit of someone they once knew [x] Spend the night in a cemetery [x] Sit in a room with one hundred creepy dolls (Literally just his house) [x] Hang their feet over the edge of a tall building [ ] Swim in dark, murky waters without being able to touch the bottom (Again, that's just stupid to do without a valid reason) [x] Be covered in spiders, snakes, or other insects [x] Go looking for the source of a mysterious sound late at night (Also arguably stupid thing to do but he's more likely to do this than the other things because he can usually defend himself pretty well) [ ] Spend an hour sealed up in a coffin (Trauma </3 NOPE) [ ] Go sailing miles from shore without any communication (Another arguably dumb thing to do without a necessary purpose) [/] Use a Ouija board (^^, but could be convinced) [ ] Go diving in a dark, underwater cave (What for?) [ ] Climb through a long tunnel just big enough to fit through (He's been known to be creatively suicidal but not this creatively suicidal LMAO suffocating to death over a long period of time doesn't sound like a great way to go out) [x] Explore a spot where cult rituals were performed [x] Go walking late at night, alone (Common activity for him) [x] Spend the night in a home where someone was murdered (Again, he lives there <3) [ ] Go surfing on the Dark Web (Too paranoid!!!) [x] Play an urban legend game (bloody mary, the midnight man, etc…) (Most of them are bollocks but I like the idea of him being able to summon certain people he once knew in this way if he wants to) [x] Stay home alone with a suspected killer on the loose (What else is he going to do about it? Call Caroline???) [x] Climb a dangerous mountain where many others have died on their way to the top (Mountains are his preferred place to chill) [x] Explore ancient ruins where strange things have happened [x] Touch a supposedly cursed object (His curse probably cancels out most other curses tbh) [x] Check out a creepy cellar or attic [/] Cross an unstable bridge over a huge drop (I mean, he could just use his wings, so? Maybe? If he was with people he could do that around?) [ ] Pick up a hitchhiker in the middle of the night

[sugarseawitch]

Can you explain more about your self insert’s problem with fuyuhiko that prevents her from being friends with peko?

This saves me time from reposting because TBH it’s a bit deeper than the image suggests. It’s gonna be a bit long though, so sorry!

(Spoilers ahead)

That scene actually would take place during Chapter 2, where in the previous chapter, Peko has been socializing with the others (as she was ordered to) while Fuyuhiko was a loner. The Self Insert would have befriended Peko at some point, but I’ll get to how that happens another time.

Additionally, Insert remembers the Hope’s Peak Arc of the series due to her previous life, as Insert and her cousin (a male counterpart) were isekied into the universe. Thanks to the memories of the timeline, she knew Fuyuhiko was going to play the motive nonfiction game and obtain the prize. She thought that by being a part of the world, she can stop the despair, but she did not remember that she lived with everyone before the game events and she couldn’t stop the first murder due to interference by her classmates interested in her talent and wanted to watch her perform her skills.

Meanwhile, despite Peko’s real relationship to Fuyuhiko as his bodyguard and weapon, she cares about her classmates, but believes there’s no room in her heart to worry for anyone besides Fuyuhiko. Even though she and Insert have become friends, Peko’s duty remained first and foremost.

So this time, Insert was going to play the motive game first to get the prize and destroy it, hoping to save Mahiru, Peko and everyone involved in the game’s motive. But Peko, being Fuyuhiko’s “tool”, would step in to stop her from going to the game.

Insert’s Ultimate Talent is Performing Artist, and she specializes in dangerous routines, so she was able to protect herself from Peko’s attack. And Peko kept her sword in her bag both for protecting the sword and Insert from serious injury, as all Peko is doing is stalling.

Peko is protecting Fuyuhiko and was worried Insert was going to kill him, saying that she won’t let Insert become a killer (though it was vauge enough to suggest anyone could be killed). But Insert tells Peko as they fought her real plan was to destroy the prize because she “had a bad feeling the prize was the true motive” (nobody knows she’s isekied, everyone assumes she’s got an incredible intuition).

The fight didn’t last long (though from Peko’s point of view, she only stopped when Fuyuhiko finished the game and obtained the prize) and stood down, telling Insert she was not going to let a senseless killing happen. The two made up after this battle, but it was too late to prevent the events of the second murder…

As the game progressed, Insert and Fuyuhiko do become friends. At some point, when he remembers Peko, he recalls to himself how much Peko talked about Insert, concluding that she must be worth the trouble if Peko approved of her.

And Insert never had a problem with Fuyuhiko, she just hated how much of a lone wolf he was as the start. She has made efforts to befriend him before, but he aggressively rejected her until the second investigation (again, more on that later, this is already too long lol)

TL;DR: Insert was trying to protect everyone by trying to get the prize and destroy it, but Peko was trying to protect Fuyuhiko, who was obtaining the prize as they fought. They are all friends, or at least eventually become that.

[6loodlvstt]

I usually play videogames with no audio cuz when I have it on I get easily bored. For example last month I started pokemon sword and tbh never played it with vol on and when I did that for the first time I was like “? Why the sounds are so annoying?”. Idk probably I’m weird but I get easily overwhelmed with sounds. It’s kinda funny because when I listen to music I listen to black metal/rock in general. But when I’m busy drawing things I like to listen to true crime podcasts. Yeah I’m one of those obsessed with serial killers cases.

And yeah, fear and hunger is just straight up hard. I was surprised the first time but I’m still trying to finish it (I want to die/hj). So far I’m loving sm hades! The character designs are so pretty? Ofc I like Dionysus the most, he was and still is my favorite icon. Just to ask, who’s your fav greek mythological figure? I’m curious. Personally I’m also extremely into the myth of Hyacinth the most. Probably I read too many graphic novels about him ahah. And! Are you perhaps also into egyptian mythology? Since I was a kid I was so obsessed with mummies and the first time I saw one I was so anxious lol.

When I was in school I also had problems at school, mostly because at the time I was the only emo kid and all my classmates were… normal? I liked to dress black, enjoyed spending time writing horror stories and I was a major creepypasta lover. But I genuinely sucked at oral tests. Probably you only had some random quizzes but where I live we also have oral ones. And I fucking hated to speak in front of people. So drawing during classes was a sort of stress relief to my anxiety! So I completely get you :(

This is funny but I always was extremely talented at singing, although at some point I started to find annoying to perform in front of people. And in general the idea of studying in theater looked “uncool” in my teen years. Now I completely changed opinion and I’m a musical fan lol. My family always tried to push me into trying this world in some ways through the years and only some months ago I finally decided to open up. It’s scary tho. You shouldn’t gave up your dreams. Realistically speaking you can start studying in the future if you really want to pursuit violin! ^^

What are you doing now? I hope everything’s going well! <3 -🩹

i always play with audio on since a lot of games i play have audio cues into it, but i understand sometimes the game sounds can be annoying

god me too, to all of the music and the true crime; i mainly liten to true crime at work tho or when im playing minecraft for some strange reason

it sounds like a pain but i so get that,,

my favorite always has been aphrodite and always will be <3

i used to be kinda an egyptian myth nerd but i would have to relearn a lot tbh

sometimes we had presentations tests so i think thats as close to relating with the oral tests but the rest i totally understand

my family is kinda controlling of what i do, if they dont like that i picked up a hobby or something they let me know, like cosplaying for example i find it really difficult because my dads a little creepy and my mom refuses to acknowledge or be arpund me if she notices that i am and its to the point that it becomes a really big problem in my house so now ive got like really expensive cosplays and o barely do it anymore to keep some peace in my house ueue when i move out ill probably pick up a lot of my old hobbies like cosplay, art, streaming, and music stuff maybe ill even pick back up baking who knows!

im still playing dead space tbh,, its so fun but i just asked my brother a steam question and he closed out of dead space so i just lost a good chunk of progress sigghhhh, i hope your days been going well too though :D tell me if you do anything fun <3

[thebonerpit]

I did it! I watched ALL the best film nominees for the Oscars 2024. Go me. I thought I'd do a little personal ranking here just for kicks, but overall it was actually quite a strong year!

Oppenheimer. I mean... it really is perfect. And I don't even think I'm too biased as a huge Nolan fan. Truly one of his best films and honestly even though I hate the "career" awards I do think he deserves it.

The Holdovers. Maybe my biggest surprise and the film I've been thinking about ever since. I would watch this every year around Christmas tbh. It was heartwarming and sincere without being sappy and the performances and script were incredible. A real joy.

Poor Things. I love Yorgos and his fucked up weirdo mind. This was also visually incredible and like I said, even though it isn't my favourite of his films, I always enjoy the risks he takes and the performances he can get out of the actors.

The Zone of Interest. Harrowing and uncomfortable, exactly the way a movie about the Holocaust should be. The thing that really got me was the sound; seeing this family living their perfect little lives in the sunshine while hearing people screaming and industrial machinery in the background was so jarring and SO effective. Sandra Huller saying she gave Hedwig absolutely zero introspection was a god tier choice because it worked so well... she lacked any sort of empathy without being a cartoon villain.

Anatomy of a Fall. Sandra Huller strikes again! How iconic to be in two best picture nominated films in the same year. This was so riveting and I loved that it really boiled down to the fact that it didn't matter if she did it or not and rather how it affected her and everyone else in her life.

American Fiction. Another kind of delightful surprise. Didn't think I'd be hugely interested in this but it was soooo funny at times and also managed to express some deep emotional beats without being overdramatic. Great critique of the publishing industry alongside some realistic family relationships.

Past Lives. Not my usual type of film but it was shot so beautifully that it's really kind of stuck with me. Greta Lee was so natural in her role (and also insanely gorgeous like, HOW).

Killers of the Flower Moon. Scorsese isn't my favourite director and I did think this was way too long but it definitely had its moments. Lily Gladstone was the true star tbh.

Barbie. Ehhhh??? It was fine. Idk. Again, not really my usual type of film. In a way I'm glad to see it nom'd just because I think the Academy can get real snobby about what gets accolades but I definitely don't think it deserves to win.

Maestro. /fart noises.

There are some films that got other nominations that I haven't seen (Nyad, Rustin, May December, El Conde etc.) but I don't know if I'll get around to those. My biggest complaint about noms is that Dominic Sessa didn't get anything for Best Supporting Actor. For his first role EVER he absolutely nailed it. Margot probably should have had a Best Actress nom but I don't have super strong feelings about it. America Ferrerra nom is ?!?!?!? why tho. I wish Lily Gladstone was in Best Supporting because I think both Emma Stone and Sandra Huller had huge performances this year. But yeah overall really strong Best Pictures!

[all-the-fun-of-the-cirkus]

the great album odyssey continues with neil young's harvest, an album i kinda expected to be lukewarm on and that i ended up, uh, being lukewarm on

this is a deeply strange album in context. it was a smash hit, catapulting neil to stardom. it had heart of gold, smash hit single. and the critics, uh, didn't really like it, and even hardcore fans tend to put it somewhere around the middle of a vast catalogue. why did it sell so well? i'm not smart enough to tell you. maybe neil was right, and people do wanna hear about love. this is, after all, the album borne from his newfound romance with carrie snodgrass. except it's not, really. that's all isolated to the first few tracks, the rest are just about whatever, in typical neil fashion

truth be told, though there's nothing on here as good as, say, tell me why, i think this is rather lesser than the sum of its parts. there's only one outright bad track (there's a world, which might actually be the worst song of his i've yet heard, pure schlock), but other than the last three tracks it feels really monotonous, which is odd given that objectively speaking, there's a world, old man and are you ready for the country don't really sound anything like each other. maybe they're just all midtempo, not particularly varied; if any album needed a sedan delivery it's this one. weirdly enough it sounds more monotonous than the live versions from massey hall and young shakespeare, and those albums only have two instruments! it doesn't help that out on the weekend, heart of gold, old man and alabama all have the exact same drumbeat

i think the live performances are the killer tbh. maid/heart of gold on young shakespeare is stunning, these versions are... alright? actually, i do really like heart of gold, i always appreciate straightforward prayer in rock music (i'm not even religious so idk why), and ben keith's slide guitar (he's actually the mvp throughout, and the real step forward from gold rush) is lovely and plaintive.

maid... well. this is a controversial one, so i'll step carefully; the orchestra does sound ridiculous, i can't argue. i really rather like the horn melody after "when life and love turn strange and cold," but whoever thought it was a good idea to include fuckin tubular bells had clearly been too hard at the wacky baccy. i waver back and forth on whether it's as sexist as its reputation; i think he's pretty clearly not saying all men need maids or anything, but if he's implying he wants carrie to be his maid, so to speak, that's certainly eyebrow-raising. this isn't, like under my thumb levels of misogyny, at any rate. the actual tune is very nice though, and the stripped-back live medley is gorgeous

beyond that this album sort of dithers around for the rest of its runtime. the end stretch is notable, i guess; alabama's not great but it's a burst of energy, needle is haunting and words would be the clear best song on the album (i love the contrast between the grungy guitar and the delicate piano and neil's wavery vocal) if there wasn't like a full minute or two in the middle where nothing happened. at any rate, it's a totally unexpected question mark to end with, and the only thing really pointing to the ditch trilogy

everything else ranges from "good, but" (old man, which actually would be a great song if it had a good chorus) to "meh, but listenable" (the title track, with the silliest line on the record in "dream up, dream up, let me fill your cup with the promise of a man"). actually the real problem with this album is that it's his least interesting set of lyrics yet. it doesn't really pull of his typical wry esoteric metaphor or a more straightforward emotional spiel, it's just kind of lyrics for the sake of having lyrics, and neil's normally better than that

look i hate writing about music by just going track by track and saying "this is good, this is less good," but in all honesty, this just... didn't leave enough of an impression on me to do otherwise. i was hoping to be able to construct a narrative between this (the romance album) and zuma (the breakup album), but this isn't even that about the romance. or maybe it is, and i'm emotionally illiterate. or it's just 4 am. at any rate, it's better than hawks and stars/bars, but not by much. fortunately the two unlistened to neil albums i have in reserve are harvest moon and trans, which i hope present some better opportunity for analysis

[aninsecurewriter]

Scream VI - My thoughts - SPOILERS!!!

I loved this movie. Tbf, could be because I'm just a simple horror movie fan who adores the structure of the Scream movies. However this was just so fun and I had such a blast watching it, just a great movie!

And the fact that it's out of Woodsboro and in New York was amazing! The people did such a good job with the use of this new setting, with the alleys and especially the subway. It was so good!

With so many theories that this killer would be Stu, and then Mindy even mentioning it in the movie. My gosh... They better not do it. Matthew Lillard's performance in the original was amazing and if they bring him back I think it might be ruined and my heart will never forgive them for that. Let him die, with his amazing performance as Stu living on.

This killer was so incredibly brutal! It was both amazing, terrifying, and so out of character. So like... Good and bad for me. It made the killer far more menacing and scary, especially with the mask, but it also kinda takes away some of the comedic effect that makes me love the first scream and the clumsy killings of Billy and Stu.

I sorta have mixed feelings on the reveal of the killers. The family, and how it revolves around Richie, such a whiny little jerk. So kinda annoyed that he became the catalyst cause he was such a null killer in the last movie.

HOWEVER my jaw was on the floor at the sight of two ghost faces on screen, and how happy that made me! Idk if it has happened in 2, 3 or 4 but this was the only time I noted that both, in costume, were there and it had my jaw on the floor.

They really shouldn't have pulled so many punches on killing off the main characters. The "core four" were still alive by the end, how silly is that! And even Gale is alive after teasing her death. I kinda get it after killing Dewey last movie, but still don't tease it and then not follow through. Tbh though, actually just annoyed that the same four managed to survive. And it's the second time that Chad has "died" but then "oh he's still alive" and that's just a bit silly and annoying to me. Wish they would've killed more of them, would've been interesting.

Ngl, after this movie I absolutely want Sam and Tara to be the killers in the next movie. Idk how they'll believably do it, but my gosh I want it. I want Sam to be the bad guy one day, with her fathers mask as well. Purely because they're trying hard not to do it but it's like Chekhov's gun. It's there, on the table. Stop toying with it and shoot it! Please!

(the killer waiting for the subway)

[baekhvuns]

The memes are indeed funny, but I'm lowkey crying like why Cristiano, why akhsiajsksjsjjsnshsjahss. The Zlatan movie doesn't seem to be well-received, tbh the poster scared me, hahahah but it can be cool for kids

Does Ronaldo need more money though lmao, unless he wants to be loaded for the rest of his life and do nothing but produce more kids

People wait the whole year to die at the end. Lmao so the royal family killers have a weird ass royal family obsessed aunt and she told then they were cursed, because of the coincidence 😭🔪

The bump on my head is gone actually! But I do have a small bump on my forehead cause I hit it... on the bottom of the balcony (don't ask 😅)

P.E. = PEPE alright big brain moment 😵

I didn't exactly catch-catch the puckers I just snatched them, but once a middle aged guy wanted to fight me, a 18 year old girl?! He wanted it more than I did, but with that behaviour??? Get fucked

I get you because I was often angry at Pepe and Ramos for sabotaging the team with their behaviour like REALLY?! I think most of Neymar's cards are for his questionable acting skills lol. The comment "Pepe/Ramos: if he's still breathing it wasn't a foul" jshsajshjsshnsjsjsjshdd

SM better does well for SuperM or else 💀💀💀💀 I was hoping for a live performance of Halazia to hear the actual vocals, but almost everyone lipped during Gayo (basically every artist)?! So I'm laughing at Atunas saying they were live, not even Jongho and the rap line. If you can't hear the difference you can even see the lips didn't match come on 🤡 Actually ZFP1 is my fave album! It's cohesive, even though I don't listen to GLB a lot and don't care for ODAAT, other songs are 👌🏻 but many people found the Fever series underwhelming and I kinda get it, like ZFP2 that album is... questionable imo. On the other hand those who became fans during that era say otherwise and don't necessarily vibe with their current sound. You can't please anyone, but I definitely prefer their music pre-Movement era, ngl. Treasure series my beloved 🥰

I'm glad Hwa is getting interested in producing though! But yeah can't have a normal discussion even with people who bias him 🔫

Seonghwa's Gayo fan cam dropped, I'm gonna camp there, he llooked like one of those fuzzy chickens, he said he liked that disheveled look, and he pulled if off.

2002-2009 liners?! Time to kill YG for real

PSG what are you doing omg. No way, the Al-Nassr guy is an icon already actually, jobless but iconic

IU and LJS such a hot couple, but these couples >>>>> there was another one and Seonghwa is dating someone from CLC?! I don't remember being a member of CLC, but okay 🤭

SEONGWHWHAHWHAHHAHA LEGO LIVE AGAIN, THE YEAR HAS BEEN SAVED 🥰

But there was no need to comment that OP and there was absolutely NO NEED for him to read it out loud. I'm having a normal reaction

Also, I'm watching the Youngjae show rn and is it just me or is Hwa looking extra beautiful and radiant recently 😭 also if MinHwaSang cut their hair it's on fucking sight, game over - DV 💖

hi hello!!!

The memes are indeed funny, but I'm lowkey crying like why Cristiano, why akhsiajsksjsjjsnshsjahss. The Zlatan movie doesn't seem to be well-received, tbh the poster scared me, hahahah but it can be cool for kids /// Does Ronaldo need more money though lmao, unless he wants to be loaded for the rest of his life and do nothing but produce more kids

😭😭😭 no bc no one offered him a contract where else would he go 😭😭😭 saudi slightly better than a us club i guess bfwbdnsnckc zlatan’s movie poster looks like a character from hotel transylvania tbh,,, LMFAOOOO bro is making his own real madrid just wait till 2030 his kids would be playing in the wc 😭😭😭 no bc earning $380 PER FUCKING MINUTE?????? what. a. life. 

People wait the whole year to die at the end. Lmao so the royal family killers have a weird ass royal family obsessed aunt and she told then they were cursed, because of the coincidence 😭🔪

nO SERIOUSLY u wait a whole year for what? just die now bfwndbjejc NO WAAAYYYY STOP GOT CURSED FOR WHAAT DBWBDB 😭😭😭😭😭 is the royal family aunt also obsessed with the meghan and harry thing 🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️ its a group discussion in my household every month dndnd

The bump on my head is gone actually! But I do have a small bump on my forehead cause I hit it... on the bottom of the balcony (don't ask 😅) /// P.E. = PEPE alright big brain moment 😵

…….anon 😭😭😭 i understand the balcony ( somehow) bUT THE BOTTOM OF IT??? 😭😭😭 U KNOW IT !!! pepe should open a school where they teach p.e, his way <3 it was lucky for him that pepe was in a good mood 😭 do u also think that kep1er is basically derived from pepe’s name fbwmdbks

I didn't exactly catch-catch the puckers I just snatched them, but once a middle aged guy wanted to fight me, a 18 year old girl?! He wanted it more than I did, but with that behaviour??? Get fucked

aHHH THE SAME THING 🔫 snatching it is more impressive bc u have to have the speed to do it 🤌🏻 LMFAOOO??? A WHOLE ASS ADULT??? NAAAAHHHHH BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME UNCLE FBFBBD

I get you because I was often angry at Pepe and Ramos for sabotaging the team with their behaviour like REALLY?! I think most of Neymar's cards are for his questionable acting skills lol. The comment "Pepe/Ramos: if he's still breathing it wasn't a foul" jshsajshjsshnsjsjsjshdd

no cause ur fouling and risking u to skip the next natch and putting career threatening injuries on ppl 😭😭😭 but NOW??? DO WHATEVER U WANT I SUPPORT no ur right def the acting skills but when he fouls back it always counts </3 LMFAOOOO NO ITS RIGHT if the player is still breathing it is not a foul or the “u missed the ball pepe” “i wasn’t aiming for the ball bro” 😭😭😭 pepe is the reason VAR is invented 😭😭😭😭

SM better does well for SuperM or else 💀💀💀💀 I was hoping for a live performance of Halazia to hear the actual vocals, but almost everyone lipped during Gayo (basically every artist)?! So I'm laughing at Atunas saying they were live, not even Jongho and the rap line. If you can't hear the difference you can even see the lips didn't match come on 🤡 Actually ZFP1 is my fave album! It's cohesive, even though I don't listen to GLB a lot and don't care for ODAAT, other songs are 👌🏻 but many people found the Fever series underwhelming and I kinda get it, like ZFP2 that album is... questionable imo. On the other hand those who became fans during that era say otherwise and don't necessarily vibe with their current sound. You can't please anyone, but I definitely prefer their music pre-Movement era, ngl. Treasure series my beloved 🥰

NO CAYSE THIS DBDBD

tbh sm does superm well in terms of musical side but with GOT the music is just 📉📉📉 wait they did?? (did not see the perf at all) all of them were wearing the head seats too omg no bc i saw it on my tl about atinys saying they didn’t lipsync while others said everyone lip-synced 😭😭 i agree with u!! pt1 was great, the tracks THE INCEPTION??? 😮‍💨😮‍💨 wait i also do not losten to glb, ill listen to every song except that one 😭😭 and then after that albim,,, it went a little 📉 nO BC TREASURE SERIES IS SUPERIOR !!!!!! UNTOUCHABLE !!!!!! the concept / lore was the perfect amount 😭

I'm glad Hwa is getting interested in producing though! But yeah can't have a normal discussion even with people who bias him 🔫 /// Seonghwa's Gayo fan cam dropped, I'm gonna camp there, he llooked like one of those fuzzy chickens, he said he liked that disheveled look, and he pulled if off.

prod seonghwa 2023 manifesting 🤲🏻 need a tear jerking ballad that’ll ruin me <3 FUZZY CHICKENS GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE IM SCREAMING FBQKFHQKDBWKHCSKHDSK HE PILLED IT OFF BUT FUZZY CHICKEN VIOLATION 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 OH MY DAYS THATS A VIOLATION

2002-2009 liners?! Time to kill YG for real

BESTIE 2010 NOW 😭😭😭 tool baby monster seriously,,, ppl saying she looks like garam 😭

PSG what are you doing omg. No way, the Al-Nassr guy is an icon already actually, jobless but iconic

no literally and they let their star boy out to fly to the states while the not even the brazilian players JUST neymar get’s the shit + they started the transfer drama,, a low class club feeding to the ego of ONE boy 🔫🔫 ,, JOBLESS BUT ICONIC UR RIGHT i wonder if he’s paid a $$$$ for it too

IU and LJS such a hot couple, but these couples >>>>> there was another one and Seonghwa is dating someone from CLC?! I don't remember being a member of CLC, but okay 🤭 ///// SEONGWHWHAHWHAHHAHA LEGO LIVE AGAIN, THE YEAR HAS BEEN SAVED 🥰

they rly lived a friends to lovers au <333

WAIT THAT LIST???? HOW COME DISPATCH DIDNT REVEAL THOSE 🤨🤨 LMFAOOOO THE WAY MY JAW FELL WHEN U SAID HWA X CLC MEMBER FVFNWHDMS two POLAR OPPOSITES 😭😭😭 seonghwa came as a blessing this year w that blond hair and the constant MF hair flips he does KNOWING FULL WELL IT DOES SOMETHING TO US 🔫🔫

But there was no need to comment that OP and there was absolutely NO NEED for him to read it out loud. I'm having a normal reaction

wait…the comment…why did he pick that one to read out…loud….is he…is this mf….. he’s an exhibitionist

Also, I'm watching the Youngjae show rn and is it just me or is Hwa looking extra beautiful and radiant recently 😭 also if MinHwaSang cut their hair it's on fucking sight, game over - DV 💖

need him to drop the skincare and food routine 🔫 ANON I THINK ITS THE HAIR ITS THE BLOND 😭😭😭 no bc if they tOUCH IT. trim it even SLIGHTLY. haha. ha. 🔫

oooh! what is ur kpop ick!

🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️

[preathtimeline]

Mobile Preath Timeline

It’s here, and it’s a lot.

The following is originally from skatertobin's blog:

Ok so here’s what we think went down:

2015

August to I wanna say November? They get close during the victory tour, Chris being the only other person aside from Alex to be invited to Tobin’s 100th cap dinner and all and them sharing a seat at the White House. Basic stuff.

December Christen tags along with Tobin on her Hawaii strolls (especially since both Cheney and ARod aren’t around for the Hawaii game). Wander around Waikiki Beach and hang out with Friends with Flowers in their hair and other fun things like that. Maybe Christen watches Tobin surf at some point and maybe Tobin teaches her how as well. 👀 Idk. But I’m positive swimming happens in cute bikinis because I mean.... it’s Hawaii!! 🙄 They they fly to NOLA for the last VT game. And Press is probs like “hey so where ya staying at after this (the China game)?” like while they’re walking along Bourbon Street where the Leather Jacket™ makes its first appearance. Then tobs is probs like “maybe Portland?” Then Chris is all “well that’s just a state away from where I’m headed wanna crash for a bit?” Then tobs, being the homeless little shit that she is, is maybe like “sweet can we go to the beach” then Christen is all “literally everyday” and then done deal. That’s that. So from there they take the same flight to LA from the NOLA airport. Why? Who knows but tbh Tobs maybe (definitely) stays in PV with Pressy and maybe (definitely) is the reason why Christen’s late to that boat parade at Newport with ARod and Whit cos you know... busy being a good host and such. But then it’s the holidays so we know Tobs would go home to her fam in the east coast for Christmas like the good daughter she’s supposed to be so she does, but she goes right back to LA to maaaaaybe celebrate Chris’ birthday. Boop. And you know since she’s already there they’re probably like, “why not spend New Year’s Eve together and train together at the TOCA center while we’re at it???” Like it’s the most obvious thing because I mean maybe they realize they’d be playing more together with Christen nally being close to a starting spot. Hawink!!!! Work on their chemistry as the kids call it because ya know... First Touch Is Everything™.

2016

January So maybe Tobs flies back to spend New Years with fam again because Chris can’t have her forever. But also maybe not because that would have been very convinient since they get called in to camp in Cali shortly after. But I mean you know, who knows. But wtvr. So there they spend a lot of time together like going to the beach together and getting coffee together and entering and exiting the locker rooms and US soccer vans together. You know. Fun stuff. Then the SD game happens and then they all fly to their respective homes but Tobin doesn’t have a home remember so she invites Press to go to Portland with her and they hold hands at the airport while Press is wearing the Purple Hat™ and maybe they go to the Nike HQ together and go furniture shopping and then they have dinner at a fancy restaurant and Tobs shows Chris around her soon to be new home like a local. Then they fly back to LA because beastmode soccer is a thing and they wanna train and be beasts. And then in between they share sunsets together and play with Morena and Khaleesi and Tobin is snookums.

February It’s Olympic Qualifiers in Texas and well what do you know??? The little shits score a goal together, and then steal the van keys so they can go out on Valentine’s Day. There’s a monkey stuffed toy involved and I hate my life basically because @ god, why. 🔥 They go back to LA together after celebrating their Olympic qualifying win to watch the Arsenal vs Barça game in Santa Monica and have sushi together and also crash the u16 camp. Then they go back to PV and Fly Away™ because All We Need Is Love™. Also because christen has a fUCKING BODY ISSUE PHOTOSHOOT that they’re tOTALLY NOT SUBTLE ABOUT. Ok maybe they’re totally subtle. Kind of.

March They go into the SheBelieves Cup in Florida and go Raw Juicin’ and jewelry shopping because that’s what gal pals do obviously. Chris probs tags along when Tobin hangs out with her French friends and they fly back together to NJ to meet Christen’s fam (who would have thought?!) and to NYC to Find Neverland. And then I mean imagine the goodbye for when they go their separate ways for the NWSL preseason and if you’re wondering how they’d cope, the answer is: Not well.

April They meet again for the Orlando camp and they all gotta be lowkey and concentrate on the training but then the OCSC vs PTFC game happens and they’re not so slick and get accidentally recorded and Tobin’s like 🙅🙅🙅... So they train in Orlando and Colorado and win in Connecticut and Philly vs Colombia and then they play chess in between and have coffee. Turns out they’re new bus buddies too now Allie’s in camp. And maybe (definitely), Jill Ellis is a fangirl and ships the little shits together because suddenly Press is a right middy and Tobs is a right back. If not for the sole purpose of Foudy saying on live television that Tobin would be watching Christen’s ass the entire game, basically. Anyway. CAPTAIN Tobs gets some winking action caught on camera and we’re all just gone. Adios. Goodbye.

May NWSL starts back up and we’re all excited but also sad because preath but they’re fine and we’re being dramatic but not as dramatic as them because apparently they desperately miss one another??????.... So like, when Chicago plays in Seattle the same weekend Portland plays at home, what else would Tobs do right? Would she drive four hours to watch the game? The answer is yes. But why right???? WHYYYYY???? Because obviously, Press in the west coast means some much needed quality time in Portland i.e. a double date at a fancy vineyard with a view and some tacos.

June The games vs. Japan happen in Denver and happen in Cleveland and that’s apparently not enough for them because Tobin tags along with Press and the Chicago girls to watch the MehNT and the Jumbotron loves them just as much as they do each other. The two part series of a battle of the baes in the CHIvsPOR NWSL games starts in Chicago and ends in Portland so naturally (duh) Press stays in Portland so the little shits could have private training sessions together before flying to Chicago again. Fuckers. (Honestly it’s not practical but thEY INSIST)

July The game vs South Africa happens after which they conveniently skedaddle ahead of everyone else in a separate car because of dinner reservations at yet another fancy restaurant. They both make it to the Olympic 18 and they “celebrate” it by going on a not-so romantic getaway to the ESPYS in LA and then they have dinner with Alex and Allie because like, Press probably (I’m sensing a theme, are you?) gotta have an initiation of sorts because things bout to get serious. 💁 But well Tobin gets an initiation of her own too so they’re even. 😅 But well, Tobin gets They head into camp in KC then win their Olympic send off game against CRC 👀 and fly again to camp in DC with the NJ crew and chill before flying aGAIN for the Olympic Games !!!

August They get to Brazil and have a killer Olympics .............Can you believe the Olympics got cancelled this year?????? Amazing. Anyway. That’s irrelevant. What’s not irrelevant though!!!!!! is them coming back to the states!!!! But instead of going straight home, the little shits get a connecting flight from Chicago (to probably get stuff??) to Portland together to get away from it all. Some good music, good coffee, a little kite flying and some R & R with good company and suddenly all is right in the world again. 👍 NWSL regular season to look forward to.

September So like, the NWSL starts up again right and they go their separate ways and you’d think they’d calm down a bit but BITCH YOU THOUGHT because they secretly meet up again because Press is Tobin’s plus one at her sister’s wedding in Rhode Island and she’s even invited to the rehearsal dinner which is “for immediate family and the bridal party only”. Cyb Press is considered immediate family?????? I can’t TBH. Anyway. That’s only for the weekend though because they gotta get back to their teams to play and try and get berths to the playoffs.... which they boTH DO!! Nice. NT training camp follows and it’s in Columbus so oBVIOUSLY Ms. Portland’s gotta fly in a day early to the east coast to meet up with Captain Chicago & Co. and we find out that Tobin’s tired af and that JJ is a shipper. 😌 Then Columbus happens where we finally get the goal celebration we truly deserve and where the whole stadium empathizes with two college dudes who are like “damn bro, number 12 ain’t straight”. And we can’t forget the regular coffee date . I swear to god it’s an addiction at this point. The game in Georgia isn’t as eventful as the last time we played the Netherlands but I guess it isn’t short of hearteyes. 😍

October So anyway. Can you believe the NWSL gets canceled after the Thorns win the shield???????? This “playoff match” doesn’t actually happen. It’s true. Press just visits Portland to go mermaiding with Tobin. (Euphemism? We may never know) So after then they fly to LA for a Sia concert because they can. But anyway, remember when we thought we got the goal celebration we deserved during that Thailand game? WRONG. Apparently the Swiss have other ideas because we’re all blessed and I’ve never felt more alive than I’ve ever felt in my life in this moment. And we almost get a repeat performance but I mean I guess it’s true lighting doesn’t strike the same place twice. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ̄ or something like that. La Blanquita goes Batista a few days later and Tobin has been established as a pretty useless maid of honor but I mean, she looks cute and her outfit repeater of a plus one (who is yet again invited to the rehearsal dinner!!!!!) looks cute too.

November At this rate is it even still surprising they’re practically living together? Portland Preath gets a part /something/ (because honestly who the fuck is still keeping track? Hint: not me) So Press Painting rainbows in an oversized, expensive ass Pride shirt in Tobin’s Portland kitchen is a thing thanks to Tobin’s (not Kling’s. Gotta make that clear.) very distinguishable floorboards and countertops. And apparently Press is practically a Thorn at this point, too, what with all that ball-kicking and strength training in Providence Park? Yeah. Ikr. Gross. They come to NorCal (to have coffee with a baby for practice) for the first Romania game and CYB they have chemistry on the field????? Like who woulda thunk?!?!?!?!? Also Press gets a hatty because she’s???? good???? at????? soccer????? (Also Christen brings herself sandwiches during games. Tobin doesn’t but CP ain’t selfish. If yanamsayin. Also, they’re literally married. Just thought you’d like to know.) K so anyway, boop boop, ROU part 2 aka the SoCal game becomes the perfect finish to the USWNT calendar year eSPECIALLY for the little shits because not only do we all get Blessed™ with another Preath goal, but basically Preath saves 2016 via great passes, bedroom eyes and hand holding. (PRESS SCORING AND ASSISTING IN EVERY GAME SINCE SWITZERLAND BTW????? Like, thank you, Tobin.) So no more games for the rest of the year, but that will not stop them from doing couple things because!!! They!!!! Are!!!!! Little!!!! Shits!!!!! The zenpups think so too. But anyway! It’s the return of Sunsets and Snookums in LA can you believe!!!!! There’s a romantic museum trip somewhere in the mix and some soccer on the beach too! Chris realizes then that her true passion is to be part of the circus and it’s all because of Circuit Bouldering in Portland (read: their home). Or I guess a second home because looks like Chris finally gets settled into her new house by the beach for a hot minute to enjoy rainbows before jetting off again. ✈

December Right so Grassroot Soccer holds a gala and Christen is the guest of honor also it’s Tobin’s turn to be a plus one (and to a red carpet event at that!) in frEAKING LONDON and they’re both beautiful and I’m dead. I’m also thinking Chris is the one that scored them tickets to the Arsenal game the night before the gala because she is whipped and In LoveTM. Gross. They don’t stop there though because they think they’re sneaky Pete about watching El Clasico with the fam (aka Allie & Bati) BUT NO!!!! You caught muthafuckas! There’s dancing in alleyways and reconnecting with old Spanish friends, too. Gross x 2 Euro trip continues in Sweden and Tobin and Christen literally sit on a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G and it’s all so scenic and romantic. Gross x 3 Well, I didn’t think they’d ever come back from their European bae-cation, but they do and it’s straight to Portland for some Christmas decorating and Tobin wins POTY to make up for this shitty year so they celebrate by getting some coffee and tacos and training - their faves. Duh. It’s kind of a quiet Christmas, celebrating with their own friends and family but I mean, it’s Pressy’s birthday. So they reunite and go hiking in LA and Christen gets a new name. Hi Kristen! 🖐

2017

January After ringing in the New Year with skiing and kisses (probably), Chris spends time in Portland, having shakes and breakfast with the bae. They go back to LA coming out of their own little bubble because it’s January training camp season and I’m having major flashbacks with them riding together to training and being locker room buddies! Their off day is as glorious as we’d expect, with some beach time and fun. (Thanks to JJ for being a shipper.) And we’re also blessed with Allie Long and a Harry Video. After camp, they’ve got a ton of down time so it’s the perfect opportunity to go chilling by their beach house. I say “their” because there’s a stray surfboard lying around and I’m sure as hell it ain’t Christen’s. 💁

February The next camp for SheBelieves isn’t til later on in the month so they fly back to home number 2 aka Portland to chill and be low key, watching Tove Lo on their date night. Tobin has a little photoshoot where she's in all her sweaty glory and itty bitty shorts and Christen flies off on her own for a bit for an appearance then it’s back to Portland for a low key vday. And then camp starts up and it feels like a drought but really, we’ll take what we can get. And what we get are matching backpacks and Harry.

March The SheBelieves Cup starts really well with an Allie IG takeover (which is always gold js) and we’re blessed with cameos of the lovers slash bus buddies!! And we see that age old Preath Connection that we know and love. We even get a possible date night in between!!!! The second game is a doozy but the most important takeaway is that they’re literally married. From the bus to the locker rooms, from the bench all the way to the sidelines. Married. Wives. For life. Fact. Even the Press Pack is supportive. Last game of the tourney and it was a loss. Lol. Anyway. They were trying to be sneaky and we learn that the fams are at the games together to support them. That’s it. Next. There’s a lot of debate about whether or not Tobin calls Christen “babe” because we’re all thirsty but there’s also the thing about helping Chris move to her new Chicago apartment so insert Oprah what’s the truth gif here. And then before the month ends, there’s a perfectly planned preseason tournament in Portland. Right before which Press kidnaps Tobin and escapes to LA for some hula dancing and pineapples, and then brings her back because plus ones at weddings are overrated (not). But the tourney goes on and Tobin’s not playing but she’s enjoying her box in the stands. Meanwhile, Christen just wants to say hi.

April Not much really happens because they’ve suddenly gone 100% stealth mode, with Tobin injured and not able to travel and all, but thanks to a little tweet we see that on NWSL opening day there was still some sort of support aka Tobin watching the Chicago game while on the stands for the Portland home opener. It’s better than nothing right? Oh and when Chicago visits PDX for the 3rd game, Chris gets taken down and Tobin looks away because she probably can’t watch it without going apeshit idk. Same. Anyway, Chris sends smiles towards the box and I guess I’m okay with that.

May “what injury?!” Tobin then says as she boards a flight to Chicago after the Thorns game to bear witness to/be the reason behind the end of the drought (goals & content tbh thank you). Cyb her back died so CRS could rise? Meanwhile to pass the time though Tobs becomes Asst Director for the Thorns youth program and paints for bae. And right after their respective weekend home games, Press ies out to PDX for Tobin’s birthday shebang. Tobin picks her up from the airport and takes her to her party and everything!

June A couple of friendlies abroad happen but since Tobs is injured she’s off the roster but she does some housewarming for Chris til she gets back from practicing on babysitting Cash. So after that, getting back into the swing of things in the NWSL is easy for Chris but unfortunately Tobin still can’t play so the next best thing is staying together in ChiTown to keep the blues away for like.... 2 weeks.

July ...Tobin’s still injured. But at least she has some fresh shoes (and expensive sliders)! And Press spends some time in LA to keep her company at rehab. Some people thought July was gonna be the first month we don’t get any content and Press personally makes sure it isn’t during the Chi vs Orl game on lifetime.

August We have a weird Tournament of Nations and it’s probably because Tobin’s back hasn’t resurrected yet but in the last game in LA, we get a rare sighting of a stud at training so maybe we’ve still got a shot. I mean i guess 2nd place in our own tournament isn’t so bad? Kinda? But whatever. What’s important is the roller blading that happens the days after. And then it’s time for CHIvsPOR. And after that, Tobin’s back in LA hanging out with Chris’ sister and bro-in-law at a bar because you know, they’re close or whatever.

September Ok so it’s been quiet but it’s not because of anything crazy. They’ve just done better at the privacy thing. Good on them you know ? But anyway. They reunite in Colorado and Cincinnati.

October The final regular season match is conveniently in Portland and unfortunately, they end up not playing each other in the semis so Chicago has to book a flight to NC but Chris still makes sure to enjoy her time. So after the uswnt game that Tobs has to sit out, the only time we have proof that Tobin is still alive is the Century 21 event in Arizona. Meanwhile Chris is back home with her pups in LA. But Tobs flies to get in on the puppy love but we only know through her shadow and when they turn into wine moms for a night.

November Fall this year is coming along quite nicely but not as nice as it is in Portland, probably, because there are Trainbows, says Chris! In Canada Chris serves some gross hearteyes despite the fact that Tobin’s been sidelined due to injury. They have the last game of the year in Cali and it kickstarts the swaggin they do together. And then November ends with a bang with them posting about flying to london for a red carpet event!

December Said red carpet event is the annual Grassroot Soccer Gala. (And this time Tobin doesn’t go ghost!) And they just wander around taking good pictures and visiting friends and watching football! Thanks HAO! Thanks Crystal! And then they’re back to being Domestic!Preath canoodling in their LA loft by the beach, chilling and hangin out with friends and being Christmassy and such.

The following is from Preath-Things

December (cont.) Christmas rolls around, and they end up going back to their respective fams, meeting back up in Portland some days later. They spend New Years eve snowboarding and just chilling in the snow with their friends. 👌

2018

January New Years is spent in Portland going sledding, but they eventually head back down to California so Tobin can get her ankle fixed. January camp happens without Tobin. But it's fine because Christen and Tobin spend every other moment together, watching sunsets in the rain and Tobin's having a super duper good recovery. Christen finds a new club in the NWSL, surprise! After the friendly against Denmark, they're back to spending all their time together, holding water bottles and attending conferences.

February Tobin has a new job ! Modelling for the new Mercurials in London, whilst also showing off her piano skills, which Christen's obviously heard before with there being a keyboard and all hanging around at their places. Tobin continues her modelling career in LA because the shoes are orange so of course she would. Christen on the other-hand pays a quick visit to houston then reports to camp. Tobin's still out and not playing soccer because remember she's still trying out her modelling career.

March The SheBelieves Cup happens. Or maybe it doesn't. Debatable, considering Christen is bascially nowhere to be found on the pitch, and there's little evidence of her even being at camp. Tobin's also too busy moving from her modelling career to her acting career to be there and play. The uswnt wins the cup somehow anyway. Christen goes back to Portland after the cup and it's a bit quiet but Tobin and Christen are spending some quality time together so isn't that really all that matters? Another surprise ! Christen doesn't want to be with her new NWSL club. So she's heading to Sweden to relive some good times instead, but not before flying kites with Tobin. Tobin also paints a few things inlcuing a 9 post equality sign because she's just that extra.

April Christen returns to her happy place. 🇸🇪 She signs with Kopparbergs/Göteborg FC and scores goals, lots of them. To the absolute surprise of everyone (read: no one) she's named April player of the month in the Damallsvenskan! Tobin decides to put both her modelling and acting careers on hold in an attempt to try her luck at the soccer thing again. Also, being the supportive gal pals that they are, and separated by an ocean, they get into the habit of liking each others instagram posts every so often.

May There are pool parties, sea dips and visits to Norway for Christen, during all of which she proves she did in fact pack Tobin's entire closet, accessories and style before she left PDX. Still separated by an ocean, not really too much happens, other than each of them continuing to practice the liking option on each others instagram posts.

June It's Pride Month 🌈 and Pride Month Delivers. Tobin is called up to national team camp for the first time since forever because her ankle seems to be a-okay, and Jill remembers Christen exists all of a sudden and also calls her up. Which means the two lovebirds finally get to reunite in Utah after months of being super long distance. This officially kicks off Pride month celebrations across the globe. Tobin feels 'tight' prior to the game and decides not to join in on the first Pride month celebration of the USWNT aka the first game against China, instead opting to chill and watch the game from the stands. After Tobin sees the Utah Royals owner get down on one knee in front of her girl, she decides it's time to remind the world that Christen is her's by posting a selfie with her and her gal pal. Christen seems to like the photo too and decides to also repost it because it's pride month after all and you gotta spread the love or something. And that's not the only thing she seems to like, deciding to swap clothes with her girl for their date to the Cavs game. Chris wears Tobin's Cavs jersey, like the traitor she is because apparently whilst it might be the wrong team, it's the right number (in other words words.. the things you do for love, and to wear something with the #23). Pride month continues to deliver with the second game against China and what better way to celebrate pride month by marking the game as Christen's 100th cap?!! Oh there are better ways, says the universe or something because Christen assists a goal in the first half, Tobin enters the match in the second half, and we are blessed with a pREATH GOALl!!! or alternatively a small game of keepy uppy between the two lovebirds which ends up with a ball at the back of the net and a Preath celebration we deserve, whichever you prefer to call it. Pride camp ends, but not before Chris makes sure to just leave one last mark on her time in Cleveland. After flying off together to Chi town, they go their separate ways and Chris returns to Sweden. But it seems that Pride month has one last piece of magic to make happen, and Christen's caught up in another big tangle of a messy trade within the NWSL, which lands her in Utah. A trade she accepts. She is now officially royalty. A queen. 👑 Soon after Chris arrives at her new club, Tobin takes a quick pit stop there on her way back from Houston, because obviously she gotta help her girl settle in to her new home away from home.

July So it’s the Fourth of July and the new royalty/royals, Chris and Sam decide it’s a great idea to celebrate it by buying food to grill even when neither of them know how to turn on a girl grill! Stuck on how to turn on the offending cooking appliance, Chris uses a lifeline and chooses to phone a (girl)friend. Grill Master Tobin pulls through and saves the day. Not that Christen wants anyone to know that Tobin did (gotta mute those instastories, you know?), but Sam does (thanks Sam!). At the same time, Laura decides to inform the world that Christen lives in Portland (thanks Laura!). The Battle of the Baes returns to Portland for 2018 and it ends with a hug and a kiss drinks back at home. Then it's back to Utah for Chris. The Tournament of Nations happens again and it’s not as weird as the previous year’s (probably because Tobin decides to join in this time around). To prepare for the games, Christen returns home to Portland so the two lovers can visit the Nike HQ, go berry picking and dream about pies. Gotta have that pre-camp preparation and relaxation at home with your SO, you know?! The first game of the tourney is against Japan, and it ends with a W and has Tobin subbing on for Christen. There’s shoulder rubs and hip taps and some airport shenanigans. Remember how Tobin was subbed on for Chris? Chris is subbed on for Tobin in the next game against Australia! It’s now completely apparent that Jill deems having both of them playing at the same time to be just Too Dangerous for opposing teams due to their ridiculous on and off the pitch chemistry. She’s clearly just sparing the opposition from a super embarrassing defeat. Good tactic. Chris’ fam comes to say hi in Connecticut 🖐️

August The tourney continues and there’s some team pictionary bonding prior to their final ToN game against Brazil. The Brazil game ends with a Tobin goal and assist, a win and a trophy, as the uswnt finally win the tourney!!!! Also, at this stage it's questionable whether the two are trying to be sneaky or not anymore with Chris throwing literal heart eyes at Tobin at the start of the game, and Tobin putting her arm around Chris' shoulder at the end. 🤷 After the ToN it’s back to their clubs and it’s a bit quiet, but I mean as to be expected. What’s not expected however is the shenanigans that happen prior to the NT's first Chile game back in Christen’s hometown. It’s CP's 100th cap celebration, and Tobin pOSTS her girl a congratulatory post ??? Picture, profile tag, emojis and all?? If you thought the girl would stop there with her public celebration of her bae's 100th cap celebration, you'd be d e a d w r o n g. Tobito also proudly wears Christen’s name on her back ??? somewhat earlier than anyone's anticipated ??? Chris has her ceremony, and Tobin literally has the proudest smile, which you could probably see from space— and it’s debatable whether a tear escapes her eyes during the ceremony, but who could blame her if one did?? So it’s game time and we finally get the long-awaited Captain Press, and it’s everything we could’ve dreamed of!!!! Truly spectacular. Tobin gifts Christen with a PK, which she perfectly finishes because she’s Chris. But there’s a big commotion and suddenly the goal doesn’t count???? Because the ref is apparently trying to ruin Chris’s day ??? and doesn’t know the rules of soccer like at all??? Tobin won’t hear of it obvs— leading the rest of the team as they storm up towards the ref with wagging fingers and pitchforks at halftime, whilst at the same time the Press Pack is up in arms. But it’s (semi) fine in the end because Chris gets another goal anyway (it's beautiful)— capping off the perfect night and a perfect victory in the most perfect place. ❤️❤️ Talking about perfect, both Chris and Tobs are also the most perfect human beings, donating their jerseys from the game to TWLOHA.

September The second game against Chile only features Tobin, but before and after the game she’s wearing a t-shirt that looks strangely like a Supreme-branded shirt with the letters P R E S S spelled out ?? Anyways it's another victory for the team, and everyone eventually heads back to their clubs for the final week of regular season. Then it's postseason time, and Chris returns to Portland to train alone 👎, whilst Tobs is off training with her club. The Thorns play their semifinal game and get the W, obvs cheered on by Chris in the stands. Weirdly enough though, the NWSL championship game for 2k18 just..... never happens ????? Super strange. (Although if it did, Chris was once again there, cheering her girl on) Anyways the season's over, and another season begins— the offseason (aka the best season) where the love birds stroll the streets of Portland (probably holding hands or something cute) and get ready for camp. Although it looks like they might've received the wrong memo about what kind of camp they had coming up— as they end up in the wilderness of Oregon.. camping? And debatably skinny dipping? Who knows?! Is there actually a bikini strap around Tobs's neck? Who knows?! What we do know is that they only packed one suitcase, Christen's gone granola, and the two eventually head on out of there once they realize they're most definitely at the wrong camp— heading off to NC for the camp they were actually meant to be at.

October It's World Cup Qualifiers time, and Chris and Tobs score some goals, Chris has suddenly grown a dragonfly on her arm, and sometime between their last uswnt game and the qualifiers, the two nerds have created their own little handshake— because Chris wanted in on the whole handshake club (who could blame her tbh). So the uswnt qualify for the world cup (!!!!!), and the love birds go and celebrate by showing off their Spanish 101 knowledge in Mexico, and literally murdering everyone by posting photos from their beach and infinity pool photoshoots ??? Like cool, it's not like we were trying to live or anything, right ?? Nah. Oh yeah they're also not being subtle about the fact they're in literally the same place either. But you know what, subtle schmutle thinks Chris, as she posts a boomerang of Tobs and her at tees + jeans like it's like no big deal you know like, whatever. They head to pdx to stand in the fall leaves and take more photos of each other.

November

So there’s a couple USWNT friendlies abroad which Tobs and Chris don’t join in on due to personal and family commitments (respectively), but it's okay (kinda) because they instead

visit an art museum

together— fitting right in as the works of art that they are. Oh yeah Tobin seems to be the

newest Royals signing

? and she's also number 21. Tobs and Chris have a

New York minute week

— jumping into ball pits and casually posting an instastory of themselves together, because obvs it's nbd. They also spend some quality time around thanksgiving with Tobin's fam.

December

The two head back west and drop by stubhub to give some inspirational pep talk to some young athletes at Nike’s,

Play Like a Pro thing

and also so Pressy can

grand marshal

the PV Christmas lights parade ! They also do some

toca training

,

lab visiting

,

sunset watching, more training/testing and family photo taking

. So they basically spend a whole lotta time together— training and being cute and shit ❤️️❤️. They might've headed to Florida also during this time but no one's 100% sure, and it's all a bit of guesswork and squinting. Whatever the case, they were together during most of month because offseason means, barely leaving the bae's side season, until Christmas that is— where they go their separate ways for a couple days. But then it’s Pressy’s birthday aka Christmas 2.0, so Tobs jets back to the west coast to join in on the celebrations, because obviously the best/most important present is Tobin's presence, duh. So they're finally back together in the west coast for the remaining days of 2018, and they finish the year by watching sunsets off rooftops, and preparing to see in the new year together. 💕

The following is when Preathbar took over.

2019

January It’s 2019! Tobin and Christen ring in the new year much like they ended the last one. They play some beach volleyball, To(es)bin watches some premier league, they continue training, Chris gets lost in LA, makes sure we know she’s feeding Tobin, and finally, they watch the last sunset in LA for two weeks😂 lol. Before the fun of camp can start, they get delayed at the airport AND TOBIN ACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGES CHRISTEN’S EXISTENCE. It’s fine. We’re all okay from that. (Also Tobin has some Tibetan prayer beads on?) Christen tells us you can’t mess with her zen and they eventually make it to January Camp in Portugal. Because they can’t live without a sunset, they find some (arguably better) ones on a beach in Portugal. Jan Camp finishes up and as luck would have it the whole team gets delayed this time and Tobin passes the time by playing Mario Kart. The orange and pink Kånken bags make a reappearance and of course, Tobes and Chris are airplane buddies. They arrive in Le Havre, France and everyone is still blissfully ignorant about the future events. Apparently, Tobin took a knock during camp and is held out of the first game on precaution so it is CP vs France. Literally and figuratively. The game against France goes very well, and we’re all so glad THAT game was the one on the weekend. After that *ahem* rough, game it’s time to move on and the team makes their way to Alicante, Spain where Tobes and Chris enjoy a day out and about. Tobin seems to have recovered and gets a start against Spain, CP doesn’t, but after a 0-0 first half, Jill decides to sub her in and SHE SCORES A FREAKING (GAMEWINNING) GOAL. The wives only get to play together for 20ish minutes, but we are treated to plenty of Preath content during and after the game. First, there’s the goal celebration that includes a Tobes head pat and a wink from the one and only Christen Press 😉. At halftime, there’s some hand holding glove holding, but after the game we witnessed a to a PreathTackle™ via Tobin Heath. She’s just so proud of her girl she can hardly contain her emotions (and we can’t either 😭). They return to LA after the madness in Europe just in time to catch a sunrise.

February So very early on into the month, Tobin literally comes out of the blue with her “The Ones” interview while promoting the new Air Jordans, and let me tell you, the photos were anything but chill. The go on a little daytime date 💙 and Christen shows off her many rings. After that, Christen decides to prove that Tobin’s not the only model in the family and hits us with the behind-the-scenes of her photoshoot with localemagazine. Stay tuned until May for our Covergirl. Shortly, our family of models decides to return to their day jobs and attend camp in Tampa, FL for the She Believes Cup. They can’t help but be attached at the hip while they’re there (and we’re not complaining). The team makes their way to Philly and Tobin, Chris, and Ash go on a little stroll where Preath proves, yet again, that they exist in the same universe. USWNT vs Japan is first up and again, Christen comes off the bench and makes an immediate impact with an assist, giving the US the lead. She also gets smacked in the face but its okay because Tobes makes sure to check up on her. We also definitely win the game and don’t waste all that work CP did by letting them tie it up.

March After the performance against Japan, the team sets their sights to England at camp. To celebrate the “SheBelieves spirit” they all wear the name of an inspirational woman of their choosing on their backs. Christen chooses the unproblematic fave of Sojourner Truth and Tobin chooses Doris Burke, who was very moved by the gesture. Before the game, Christen gives Tobin her stick of gum bc CP still isn’t starting. Unfortunately, the team seems to play as if they are the names on their back and tie. AGAIN. Maybe it was just the cold because Tobes and Chris almost miss the plane back to sunny Florida, but after quickly boarding the gayng gets to sit together. With one more game left, it looks almost impossible for the US to win the tournament, and we don’t, but we manage to win our last game 1-0 with a goal by the one and only Tobin Heath. Unfortunately, it’s now Chris’ turn to make sure Tobin is okay after a hard foul. Before we take a break from the USWNT for a little while, the World Cup kits are announced with a plethora of promotion. Tobin and Christen both return to their club teams and Tobin does some more promotion for the Thorn’s new kits and sixstar. Christen returns to LA to play some preseason games with Utah and while she’s there she is reunited with Morena and Khalessi. CP is announced as the honorary falconer for the LAFC game and reminds us that if the animal isn’t a dog, she’s slightly intimidated. Tobin also plays a preseason game for Portland and apparently tears it up, but her time with the Thorns is cut short when they both re-port for camp and are re-united for the April Friendlies.

April Camp slowly starts to wind down as the upcoming friendlies draw closer, but not before some exciting news. LUNA Bar announces that they will cover the World Cup roster bonus pay gap for the entire US Women’s National Team! It is revealed that Christen was one of the “chief architects of the team’s current collective bargaining agreement” and she reminds us how smart and beautiful she is in several different interviews. Then, we are provided with an incredible picture that only confirms that Tobin and Christen are bus buddies (in case we somehow forgot). Press is not only smart and beautiful, but she’s also talented at this game of soccer and helps the team win over Australia in an overly dramatic sort-of way. Tobin notches a goal over Australia, but she doesn’t get any minutes against Belgium. CP, however, plays a full 90 minutes and provides 3 assists off of set pieces!!! Nobody seems to notice though. After two successful friendlies with the National Team, they return to play their first (and last for awhile) games for their NWSL teams. Tobin earns POTY with the Portland Thorns and later, an absolutely wild game is played against Chicago. Meanwhile, Press proves what a class act she is in Utah and notches an assist in her first game and then a goal in the second. Just as they start to settle in, we all sadly realize they have to leave their club teams, even though we STILL don’t have a WC roster, but we do get a bunch of amazing gifs. After her game in Orlando, Christen stays a while in Miami where she shows us her coconuts and does lots of promo before we finally get the announcement we were all patiently waiting for. HuLU hAS LivE spOrTS!

May On the first of the month, Tobes and Chris are spotted at the Hulu Upfronts with several other players, looking as gorgeous as ever. Eventually, after virtually the entire roster being known beforehand, USsoccer drops the 2019 Women’s World Cup Roster and Tobin Heath is going to her third World Cup while Christen Press is going to her second, but they’re doing it together this time. With the announcement of the roster, everyone heads to camp before the last of the send-off series games. (Oh and also there’s an incident with Tobin in a button up and her shoulder but whatever. It’s fine.) Remember that “re-” thing Tobin, Christen, Pinoe, and Kling kept teasing/we thought it was an inside joke? Well, it turns Rɘ-inc is an entire company the ladies are starting and they strive to rɘ-imagine rɘ-invent rɘ-configure, and rɘ-volt (to name a few). They are set to launch June 2017 2019 and we can only hope to be blessed with more photos of Tobin wearing... boxers? The first friendly is played against South Africa, and Tobin and Chris actually get to start together, but still, a preath-goal alluded them the entire game. Do you remember back in February when we saw the behind-the-scenes of CP’s shoot with localemagzine? Well now it’s May and Christen is officially a cover girl and I swear they’re all trying to kill us before the World Cup because no one should be allowed to look that hot, but it's Christen so why are we surprised? The penultimate send-off game against New Zealand goes off with little fan-fare (but the girls do notch goals and/or assists). The team seems to have the weekend off before playing their last game and of course, Tobin and Christen return to Portland and decide to watch the Blazers play the Warriors in the Conference finals. How do we know they were at the game? I mean, other than the fact the CP posted a story on Instagram about Nike making Tobes’ dreams come true you could LITERALLY SEE THEM ON LIVE TV BC THEY HAD SECOND ROW FLOOR SEATS BEHIND THE BENCH. Let’s just say we all suddenly cared a lot about basketball that night. A few days later the USWNT heads to New York, is surprised in time square (where T&C are bus buddies, duh), attends GMA, and has Media Day at Twitter’s headquarters. It was a content overload. We never get a break either because few days after that they play their last send-off series game against Mexico and guess what; Tobin and Christen BOTH SCORE (goals)!!! Most would think that having an afternoon game means that the rest of the day is for relaxing and recovery… well, you’d be wrong. Apparently, it’s time for the launch party of Rɘ-Inc and Christen is wearing a Suit. I repeat a Suit at the party and Tobin is wearing a black dress. They both looked absolutely incredible. Rɘ-inc provides us with a lot of amazing content throughout the month. It’s a quick turn around again and the NT now makes their way to London for their final training before the World Cup starts. It’s also Tobin’s 31st birthday and we all hoped and prayed that Christen would post something for it and luckily, she didn’t disappoint.

June It’s officially World Cup Time, but not before a little camp and because the US plays last there’s still time for them to release their 23 stories even after the tournament has officially started. And since we’ve got the time, ESPN announces that Tobin Heath will be profiled on their next E60 special. Tobin finally opens up about… playing soccer… and also her family. In the end, the whole interview makes us love Aunty To-To even more (if that’s even possible) and the unredacted interviews in a podcast are definitely worth the listen. As the last game of the first round of group stage games commences, the USA finally gets their chance to shine, and in a historic 13-0 win against Thailand, boy do they make a controversial statement. Christen notches an assist after she’s subbed in for Tobin because they would be too powerful together on the field. After a few days of rest (and being caught on a live stream with their arms around each other), they play their next game against Chile and while they don’t win 13-0 (which is mostly because Christen gets denied so many times) 3-0 qualifies them for the round of 16. Next up is Sweden and they win 2-0 where Tobin even scores a goal! (Fifa says it’s an own goal but there are lots of things we don’t like about Fifa). Getting first in the group means Spain is our Round of 16 opponent and after a bit of suffering, and Christen’s 2 whole minutes of play time, we win 2-1. Then, it was time for the most anticipated match of the World Cup. A quarterfinal between the USA and France in Paris. Spoiler Alert: WE WON MOTHERFUCKERS and we even got an adorable hug afterward. Tobin scored ANOTHER GOAL but Fifa is plotting against her and it was called offsides. Now a semifinal versus England awaits.

July So… I don’t even know where to begin with this absolutely crazy month. All I can say is... you’re not ready. Guess what! Christen got the start against England and silenced all her skeptics in the 10th minute when she scored a beautiful header! After falling to the ground in pure emotion, Tobin basically nuzzled her head into Chris’s neck in celebration and it was an absolutely beautiful moment for many reasons. The US went on to win and the final would be the USWNT vs the Netherlands. After waiting a little longer to score than usual, THE UNITED STATES WOMEN’S NATIONAL SOCCER TEAM WAS BACK TO BACK, 4-TIME, WORLD CUP CHAMPIONS!!!! TOBIN HEATH AND CHRISTEN PRESS ARE TWO TIME WORLD CUP CHAMPIONS! Tobin ran straight to Christen after the final whistle because they did it together this time. That’s not all though, during the trophy presentation, in the midst of everyone else’s celebration, Tobin looked and Christen and Christen looked at Tobin and they hugged and basically recreated the iconic photo from 4 years ago and I’M STILL NOT OVER IT AND I WILL NEVER BE AND YOU SHOULDN’T BE EITHER. THEN, after ALL of that, T&C decided to go lay in the confetti together and Christen adorably let Tobin throw confetti all over her and I STILL CAN’T. Not to even MENTION the baby Tobin collected and showed to Chris because they’re so domestic™ before Chris decided to adjust Tobin’s medal because they’re also soft™. The real celebration began afterward in the locker room and a lot of alcohol was consumed, but all Chris was worried about was keeping her hair dry with a little blue towel. The next day, after a transatlantic flight and us wondering how they’re going to survive, the team arrived in New York City and the party's just getting started because the day after that the entire team is a guest on Good Morning America. We’re not done yet because the NEXT morning a ticker tape parade through the Canyon of Heroes awaits them (don’t worry, they were on the same float) before a cross-continental flight to LA just in time for the ESPYS (Tobin is apparently dragged, but it was fun). Tobin looks way too damn good in christen’s her v-neck suit, even though her shoe/sunglasses choice was questionable. Christen blessed us with a yellow v-neck suit and both girls were truly “stuntin” on us. THEN THE DAY WE F U C K I N G DIED!!! I’m not even joking. It started out innocent enough (which it really wasn’t but whatever). Christen posted of photo of JUST them together on the float and captioned it “blissful and grateful”. It was already more than we asked for but THEN she started posting pictures of JUST them at the ESPYS on her story and by this point we were already not OKAY. THEN Tobin decided she wasn’t PLAYING AROUND and posted pictures of JUST them on the red carpet and THEN THAT FUCKING VIDEO. T H E STORY TO END ALL INSTA STORIES. What was the video, you ask? Well, what are the New Chicago Bulls Fire J1s… from Travis Scott? Did you see them? How did she get those they’re not even released yet? Watch at your own risk. Finally, both girls decide to decompress and took mini vacay to Los Cabos because why not, you’re world cup champions, and after re-freshing they both fly home to Portland. Of course, their first game back in the NWSL is against each other because only the most chaotic energy is allowed this month. Christen scores the eventual GOTW but the game ends in a tie. Not to worry though because the next week Tobin notches two beautiful assists in the homecoming game against Houston and Christen produces another beautiful GOTW in a game that Tobin attends wearing while wearing a #23 snapback. They really refuse to be separated for more than a few days. Then, as it turns out, they both head back to Portland proving that Tobin’s excursion to Utah really was extra™ and we can only hope we’ll never come down from this content high.

August Just when we thought we were spoiled by world cup content, the girls decided they’re not done yet and we’re blessed with a TC goal during the first of the Victory Tour games versus Republic of Ireland (foreshadowing: it’s not the first of the month). Christen serves a lovely ball right to Tobin’s head and they were sure to hug adorably in celebration. Before heading back to their clubs, Re-inc hosts an event called ResetTheTable, which is basically a dinner party filled with beautiful people (in body and mind). After returning to Utah Christen scores a brace in a midweek game and helps win another so NWSL rightfully makes her Player of the Week. Then, CP heads to NYC to appear on morning talk shows to educate us about the USWNT lawsuit while looking absolutely stunning. In their last club games before international break, Christen gets another goal, and wins GOTW for the third time, and Tobin’s assists continue to grow (it probably helps that Chris goes to watch her). Their travel has been extra™ this month but it’s what you do for love. Finally, they both head to Philly for camp before playing against Portugal and we get ANOTHER TC GOAL. Christen is getting really good at assisting Tobes.

September The second round of victory tour games conclude at the beginning of the month, but Tobes and Chris are pretty adorable at open training before their second win over Portugal. Oh, Christen gets another assist so her total for 2019 is up to… 11! (that’s the leader of the national team). Then, it’s time for Battle of the Baes 2.0 and this time Christen comes out on top. Tobin ends up winning GOTW on week 23… hmm… and the Thorns clinch a playoff spot. Unfortunately, even with Christen’s header, Utah misses out again.

October After celebrating their 2019 Women’s World Cup win one more time, the victory tour games conclude in with a pair of games against South Korea. The first one is pretty uneventful, and so is the second (except for the sendoff). Tobin and Chris return to their clubs to play their last nwsl games of the season and the Thorns move on to the postseason. They face Chicago first and find themselves out of the championship game. However, Chris doesn’t seem to mind and makes her way to Portland pretty soon after. Something with re-inc seems to be brewing, but the end of the month marks the beginning of the offseason (after they play two friendlies in November, of course).

November The girls report to camp for the final time this year and everyone seems to be ready for the end of quite an incredible year but also new beginnings with a new coach. Christen and Tobin get a start against Sweden and Christen records another assist and her 50TH INTERNATIONAL GOAL!!! (Tobin may or may not fall to her knees again but that’s not important). Then, we get a TC hug and Tobin gets an assist of her own. Even after playing a game in freezing temperatures they still manage to both look adorably bundled after. The next game is even more fun than the first because Christen scores ANOTHER GOAL and we get ANOTHER TC HUG and to cap it all off we get CAPTAIN TOBIN. That’s right, CAPTAIN TOBIN (we almost got captain Christen but it’s okay). We were just barely coming down from that emotional high when the next night Pinoe brings the entire Gayng to the Glamour Awards. Tobin and Christen had a black and white moment and all I’m saying is they looked the best dressed. Re-inc launched their RWB collection and Tobin was the designer while Christen was a model. Then, Tobin decided to also be a model but in… Africa? That’s right, T and C went to South Africa for Grass Roots Soccer and they also enjoyed a safari or two before heading to London for the GRS Gala. Christen looked absolutely stunning (as always) at the event and there was no doubt that Tobin was there to support her. The holiday season has begun and at the end of the month, the girls went their separate ways to spend Thanksgiving with their families. The break was much needed and I’m sure they’re looking forward to an entire month off.

December Tobin and Christen enjoyed their month off by staying pretty quiet, but they did enjoy a snowy vacation towards the end of the month. Then, it was Christmas time and it seemed like a lot of gifts were from Tobin + Christen. Before CP’s bday could happen, they had to attend the WoSo Royal Wedding. They both looked stunning and it was just an unbelievable night in general. Finally, Christen celebrated her 31st birthday right before the decade came to an end. What a truly amazing year.

2020

January It’s the beginning of a new year and the end of the offseason, but it was still pretty quiet until the very end of the month. January Camp in Florida began in the middle of the month and didn’t stop for the 20 players named to the Olympic Qualifying roster. Obviously Tobin and Christen were and the team relocated to Texas to prepare for their group stage games of Olympic Qualifying. (Also re inc had another reset the table event). Christen started the first game against Haiti and scored a goal in the 2nd minute… talk about starting the year off with a bang. CP was also named the player of the match and she honestly seemed like she was the only one who wasn’t shaking off the rust. Unfortunately, Tobin missed out on the first game due to a slight strain but she was back in action against Panama. She even scored a no-look goal and didn’t think we would notice. Christen also added to her goal total and has now scored in 4 straight games. With two wins in their group, the USWNT has secured their spot in the semifinals and are one step closer to qualifying for the Olympics.

February Olympic Qualifying carried over into February and so did Christen’s goal scoring. CP scored two goals in the USWNT’s last group stage game against Costa Rica. The first goal she scored that game was an absolute banger and was eventually named the goal of the tournament. Also, Christen was named player of the match for the SECOND TIME of the tournament. The goal scoring didn’t stop because she scored another banger against Mexico after jumping on her own rebound. There was no way that ball wasn’t going in the back of the net. After all of this scoring and player of the match wins Christen was rightfully named best player of the entire CONCACAF tournament. She was absolutely glowing with her golden ball trophy before she gave it to her father (who was more than appreciative). Tobin was also feeling generous and gave her first place medal to a fan in the crowd (I guess that’s allowed?). After successfully qualifying for the olympics and remaining reigning CONCACAF champions, everyone had a slight break before training for the She Believes Cup began. Tobin and Christen were named to the roster, but before training could begin the gals had a photoshoot in the brand new olympic kits. I’m not saying Christen decided to debut her new engaygment ring at said photoshoot but I’m not not saying that. (Good job Tobin ;) ) It’s definitely not the offseason anymore and on February 29th, we were all leaping for joy that training camp had resumed in Florida.

March The whole gayng got to be aunties to Cassius in Florida during camp and apparently it was good luck because the USWNT won their first game in the She Believes Cup against England. It was definitely thanks to Christen’s absolute GOLAZO (the only thing she’s allowed to score against England). CHRISTEN PRESS what have you DONE. The USWNT didn’t stop and neither did Christen because in the next gain against Spain she assisted the winning goal in the 86th minute off a free kick. Christen and Tobin BOTH started against Japan and Christen was even at the number nine spot. Brownsuganumba9 lives on. It must’ve been an amazing position for her (who knew) because she scored another GOLAZO against Japan. It chipped the keeper and it was honestly filthy. CHRISTEN PRESS what did you DO. The USWNT won the She Believes Cup, but are still fighting the equal pay lawsuit against ussoccer. During the warm up of the final game of the tournament they all wore jerseys inside out to display the now iconic symbol of four stars with a blank crest. They’re in this together. Just as the USWNT played their last game, the entire world entered a quarantine. Everyone went home and it’s unclear when anyone will return to the field for club or country. However, in the midst of quarantine, there was a Surprise: Snow Storm! and Re-inc launched their posters. It has also allowed CEO Christen and the rest of the Re-inc team to start doing instagram lives in order to interact with fans. We’re in this together.

April This month began like the last one ended, still in quarantine, but that didn’t stop Re-inc from launching their BW capsule collection, but before that an absolutely INCREDIBLE photo was taken and it's pretty much the only major thing that happened this month. Thank you Miss Tobin Heath. However, all of the re-inc founders have been a lot more active on the account (probably because soccer is momentarily paused for right now). Christen found a Stacy plant and remembrance candle along with other plants for the rest of her fam. Tobin and Christen are most definitely quarantining in Portland together and will be for a while.

The following is when superdupergust took over.

May With quarantine still underway, May was all about the social media (which Christen used to flash that engaygement ring a few more times). Tobin took over re-inc's insta for a day, during which she got up surprisingly early, listened to jazz music, and killed us all with her thighs. Had you forgotten that Preath were living together? No? Well, they decided to bless us with a reminder anyway, in the form of a Zoom snippet in which T&C were adorably domestic. Then Christen surprised us with the a super gay picture of Tobin underneath a rainbow, thus winning Tobin Tuesday forever.

June Bigger and more important things were happening in June, but there were a few Preath happenings to note. Christen appeared on sportscenter and proved that she is queen of the nose boop. She was also interviewed on Load Management. Tobin debuted her ugly af new glasses, which sparked The Great Glasses Debate of 2020, and she also modeled the new Thorns kit, even though she won't be playing in it this year. We got lots of artist!Tobin content with the release of proxɘmics, and one photo was Super Extra Gay with the fridge in the background featuring not only gay art by Tobin, but a print out of a love poem Christen had posted on Insta several months before.

July July started off pretty quietly. Christen did another Instagram live - this time with chopra. re-inc teased and released the popsicle drop, but that was pretty much it. Until...THE DAY WE FUCKING DIED, PART TWO. Thanks to newly appointed gay icon Stacy's Pita Chips, we were suddenly inundated with a year's worth of content in a single day. Podcasts, pictures of T&C in the same frame, touching and looking absolutely smitten, videos where they both used terrible Zoom backgrounds to avoid giving the impression that they were in the same apartment...honestly, it was like something from a dream. Go buy some of their slightly overpriced but delicious chips right now, tbh. We owe them one. Alas, much as we would have liked July 16th to go on forever, it had to end. But the month still had one surprise up its sleeve, and it went out with a bang when Tobin decided to casually drop a pic featuring a very large new ring on a Very Important Finger. An engagement ring? A wedding ring? DEFINITELY one or the other, but no conclusive evidence as of yet. Everyone say a prayer for C to drop a pic in August...

August Alas, Christen did not provide any wedding ring evidence, but she did call Tobin her sun (if you squint a little). More cute popsicle pics dropped, and Tobin tried to murder us with her biceps. Christen did us another solid and confirmed herself as an Oregonian - we love to see it! The weeks passed, and it looked like nothing much was going to happen in August, and we were beginning to cry for content. But behold, the gods of football heard us, and we were surprised by unofficial news of T&C being loaned to Manchester United for the season...TOGETHER? Amazing. Incredible. Legendary. (Still waiting on that confirmation, though.)

September Stacy's Pita Chips is the gift that keeps on giving, and their gift this month was the first mentorship session. But it's time to get back to football, because on the tenth, it became official: Tobin and Christen would be finishing out the season at Manchester United...together. Cue screaming as Preath fans around the world suddenly began dreaming dreams of seeing them playing side-by-side once more! But football wasn't the only thing they were getting up to this month. Re-inc continued to be amazing, and teamed up with Michelle Obama and others for when we all vote. Fun side development: USWNT PA revealed that they ship Preath. How, you ask? They rolled out nothing other than a legit Preath shirt. Yes, for real. And they're not the only ones. Bless whatever Preath shipper secretly runs Manchester United's socials, because the content abounded throughout the month.

October Christen and Tobin made their debut for the Red Devils against Brighton & HA, during which Tobin got her first assist for United! Then they walked out barefoot onto the pitch together, like the marrieds they are. On the 7th, they played against Liverpool, then again on the 10th, against the Spurs. But the most exciting moment on the 10th happened just after the game...when Preath met baby Charlie (and Christen couldn't seem to keep her hands off of Tobin). Then came the 18th, vs West Ham, when Preath decided to pull off the Ultimate Football Wives move: they scored their first goals for United in the same game. In the next few days, they did some interviews together. Christen made the most adorable instagram post of all time, ostensibly as a promotion for the new re- source collection.

November November arrived, and the first game of the month was against Arsenal. Alas, neither of them scored, though Tobin did manage to get a nutmeg in under 50 seconds, because of course she did. A few days later, the expansion draft happened, and all hell broke loose when Louisville acquired the rights to both Tobin and Christen. They both stayed quiet about the change, though Tobin did not adhere to these same guidelines when she threw down some some fighting words in an interview about the upcoming Manchester Derby. Christen, meanwhile, monologued about the weather, and we loved her anyway. Then the Derby happened, and Tobin rocketed in an absolute beauty of a goal of the sort that begs to be watched on repeat. Soon, T&C were off to the Netherlands for the first USWNT camp in close to a year. In the showdown featuring the final two teams from the 2019 World Cup, Christen was starting #9, and she notched an assist just before halftime.

December We aren't the only Tobin fans, Barclays reveals when they name Tobin Player of the Month. The refs, however, aren't as convinced, and one gives her a yellow five minutes into extra time during the game versus Reading. That same day, Tobin's jawline alone converts thousands of TikTok users into woso fans (or at least causes them to briefly question their sexuality). Christen isn't playing, due to illness - non-COVID-related, thank goodness - but that doesn't stop her from being nominated for the USWNT 2020 Player of the Year. Three days later, she's doing well enough to be spotted in the stands at the game versus Everton. The game, sadly, ends in a loss, but it clearly serves as some hella good motivation. They emerge from the game versus Bristol City with a 6-1 victory, two of which are Tobin goals. The games are over for the year, but it's never been a better time to be a Preath fan, because in addition to posting several throwback pictures with Tobin on her social media over the month, Christen wishes us all a Merry Christmas (& you're welcome) by posting a picture of her and Tobin together. Interestingly, it's the same tree from Tobin's post earlier in the month. Almost like they're always in the same apartment or something. Crazy!

2021

January Sharing continues to be caring, because in addition to the Christmas tree, they also happen to share a cute lil plant. They're not always inside, though, because they go for a walk in the snow, and Christen makes some bigtime heart eyes. When the first game of the year rolls around, Tobin and Christen are both there, rather than at National Team camp, as when invitations went out, Christen was still sick, and Tobin chose to stay to help United in the January FA Women's Super League fixtures. Things take a turn, however, because Christen is the starting #9 against Chelsea, while Tobin stays on the bench all game, wearing trainers instead of boots. It's announced later that Tobin has an ankle injury, which will keep her off the field for the next 10-12 weeks, taking her out of commission for Manchester United but also ensuring she won't be competing in SheBelieves. Neither of them play in the next game, but on the last day of the month, Christen scores an absolute beauty of a goal against Everton. We can't wait to see what she has in store for February!

February It's February, and you know what that means: She Believes Cup time!! No Tobin, due to injury, but Christen is ready to rock! Things open up with a close game, as the USWNT squeaks by with a 1-0 victory against Canada. Christen scores in the 11th minute of the next game against Brazil and follows it up with an beauty of a goal in the 88th minute in the game against Argentina. With that, the US solidifies their spot as the winners of the 2021 She Believes Cup! Tobin, left behind in Manchester with nothing to do but post orange hearts on Instagram and root for her favorite girl, actually decides to join the UTD podcast and bless us with her smile as she talks about being the oldest person on the Manchester United squad.

March It turns out, Tobin did have some things keeping her busy in February - secret re-inc projects! Tobin reveals her new art, ADA (ADA as in Ada Lovelace, creator of the first computer algorithm, not as in the Americans with Disabilities Act, much to this author's initial confusion), a painting featuring binary code. CP is a proud wifey, as always. On the pitch, United plays against Aston Villa with no TC on the field, but Christen does show up looking all adorable with her beloved hot water bottle in tow. She plays in the following game against Arsenal, as well as the game against West Ham, where she scores a gorgeous goal! Back off the pitch, TC co-gift the world's largest and most expensive stuffed dog for Krashlyn's new baby daughter, Sloane, who dubs them aunties. (Take a moment to recover from the sheer cuteness.) They also *gasp* share a screen when joining in the background of the Equal Pay Day press conference at the White House, which is honestly enough to hold us over until July.

April April starts off with a bang that none of us could possibly have expected: Tobin tells Christen she loves her in a public forum, in the most adorkable way possible, causing a fandom-wide meltdown. Nothing else much happens on the Preath front this month, but this will honestly feed us for a year. With Tobin still working on recovery, Christen goes to national team camp solo, then starts against Sweden (1-1 draw) and France (2-0 USA). Back at Manchester, Christen scores a goal against Tottenham. Meanwhile, re-inc drops the Gamer Collection, and honestly no one besides Christen Press could make sweatpants look this good.

May May continues the quiet streak, but one high point is Christen becoming an ambassador for Goody hair products, which means lots of new pictures to make us (and also Tobin, probably) fall even more in love with her. She also plays her last game with Manchester United against Everton, during which she notches an assist. Once she is back stateside, she gets vaccinated. She also posts an adorable picture with her dogs, whom she has obviously missed, followed by a very LA-themed set of photos (which just might be some great foreshadowing for an event a few months following...). Tobin's radio silence is finally broken at the end of the month when she posts for her birthday, which she spends with her brother.

June June starts out on a Wild note when T&C lowkey get outed in a Pride Month Instagram story from the cake company they used for Tobin's birthday cake. The next day is Christen's sister's wedding, and Tobin is barefoot because of course she is. They add another piece of jewelry to their shared jewelry box. We also have another instance of our favorite Tobographer. Then it's time for soccer, and our favorite couple heads to Texas for camp, followed by the Summer Series. The first game is against Portugal, during which Christen gets her 40th career assist with the national team. Christen and Tobin can't wink or flirt, but they're still adorable. Next up is Jamaica, and Christen gets Woman of the Match. After that is Nigeria, and Christen scores the opening goal! We FINALLY get a look at the Olympics roster, including both T&C. Then, because June still has more to give, Christen takes over the re-inc insta for a day. As the saying goes, but wait, there's more! Christen and Tobin host a party for the reunite re-inc line. They look entirely too cute eating fruit together.

July July begins with the Send-Off Series, a two-game series against Mexico. AND BOY IS GAME ONE A GOOD ONE. Christen scores twice, and Tobin makes her grand return to football with an absolute banger basically two seconds after being subbed in. AND THERE ARE HUGS. SO MANY HUGS. IN THE RAIN. At one point they basically audition for the cover of a Nicholas Sparks novel. Then comes the second game, featuring the most ridiculous ref ever to ref, when an accidental whistle blow that players clearly didn't hear winds up disallowing an absolutely stunning Preath goal. But not to worry! We still win, and Tobin scores for the second game in a row (featuring another hug and an incredibly dorky celebration). (We're still salty, though.) Then it's officially Tokyo time! The 2021 "2020" Olympics begin with a game against Sweden that all of us would just very much like to forget. Next up is The One with All the Offsides Calls New Zealand. Both our gals get an assist, and Christen gets her first ever Olympic goal!! During practice, they're showing off some pretty out of control grounding heart eyes. Then history is made when Tobin and Christen actually post a re-inc video where they're in the same frame. And guess what? The world doesn't implode! The next game is against Australia, which ends in a nil-nil draw. But the important thing is that there's Preath hug, and in certain angles, it looks like a kiss (even though it isn't, alas). Then comes the game against the Netherlands, which is a 2-2 tie that goes to penalties. Christen is up, and every single person in the fandom collectively holds their breath, the 2016 Olympics running through our brains. But she makes it, and the camera immediately cuts to Tobin screaming her head off for her *cough*wife*cough* teammate. The US wins!

August The game against Canada sadly ends in a 0-1 loss. It takes away our chance for gold, but the silver lining (see what I did there?) is that the game is Tobin's 176th cap, officially moving her up to third place for most Olympic appearances in USWNT history. The US still has a chance for the bronze, and they play Australia for it...and emerge victorious! Christen finally has her Olympic medal!! In fact, she strangely seems to have two of them...wonder where she got the second...? The next day, the Olympic Village is the scene of some cute Preath moments, official and unofficial. Then Tobin gets on Instagram and ends the entire fandom with the absolute cutest post ever. The rest of the month is eventful: re-inc drops the Field of Flowers collection. There's a fan sighting in Jersey. And most importantly, CP to LA comes true! Angel City announces Christen as their first signing!

September The signing news doesn't end with Christen, though. Only a few days later, it's announced that Tobin is heading to Arsenal, her lifelong favorite team! LA continues to provide lots of Christen content. Which is nice, because Christen announces she's taking a short break from football to focus on herself. Therefore, Tobin is the only one at camp later in the month. The US plays Paraguay for back-to-back games, and sadly the Paraguayan national team doesn't let this author sneak aboard their plane to see the game in person. Still, the US wins decidedly with a final score of 9-0 on the first night and 8-0 on the second, with one of the goals in Game #1 coming from Tobin. Then Tobin is off to England. Christen also declares she'll be going on a journey...which also strangely happens to lead her to Tobin's first Arsenal game...and her second, where they share a hug after the game, despite not even being on the field together. We love to see it. :')

October In progress

[leatherbookmarking]

fuck that ! im gonna talk about them deadboyz!! shame is for the WEAK

overall:

belong to a much less known subsidiary company of jinhit no jgs isn’t worth the joke entertainment. if they were in any other company they would be super rookies but jgs is keeping them in the basement and it’s not even his own basement

initially i think there were some high stakes in it for jgy...? something like ‘you produce the songs and make their chores and if you flop you’ll never be on stage again’ but?? i don’t know now tbh

would have been really popular (they are Good) but less known company, etc, and also some rumors around the time of their debut made it so they’re only knows because ‘they’re kinda good at dancing aren’t they’

general concept is uh... cool dudes, kinda fucky but not too much...? gotta think about the baby (a-yu)

THE MEMBERS: meng yao (leader, main dancer, vocalist), wen chao (oldest, main rapper), su she (main vocal, dancer), xue yang (rapper, dancer, unofficially: moodmaker, if by ‘mood’ you understand ‘horror at whatever has just come out of his hellish mouth), wen ning (dancer, vocalist, sometimes rapper), mo xuanyu (vocalist, the Baby™)

MENG YAO:

leader, single-handedly responsible for making these rowdy boys (wc&xy) stop wanting to kill each other

has probably auditioned for every single company there is. was in the nie company for a bit, but it was still a mess freshly after the previous owner, nmj’s father, has died, nmj has struggled (being a producer, not a businessman) so when it turned out they’d have to let some trainees go, the other trainees made it so meng yao was the one to leave. then he temporarily was at wrh’s company where he got kind-of-semi-famous as one of wen qing’s main back dancers (the one she’s interacted with the most) during her last performance. then the company went kaputt and jgs has snatched him off for himself, and then... put him... in the basement.... for two years... after which he gave him a chance, and voila

insanely hard-working. an all-rounder. mainly he excels at dancing, but his vocal and rap skills also Fuck. persona? impeccable. he’s learning to write and compose his own songs and he’s doing well, but he can’t even upload his stuff on soundcloud, because... you know why. has doubled as a manager in their early days. also, dimples.

the fans had tried to make a dad/mom dynamic with him and uh... wen chao...? since they were the oldest and pretty much the opposites, but quickly gave up and he’s now simply known as yao-ge due to his stern but loving persona. (yao-jie, sometimes)

DOES do the split. it was his rookie trick for a year after they debuted, but he simply is just like that. one show host asked him “is there definite proof that you have bones?“ and meng yao only shrugged humbly

WEN CHAO

oldest, has been a trainee for the longest time, hasn’t debuted because... well... he wasn’t good... and that was because he’s felt too safe in his dad’s company. WELL ABOUT THAT,

his older brother wen xu has debuted Long before him, but after a few years his group disbanded, he moved on to modeling and then stopped after a couple of years, too. (he got married.)

you know how i said their image is ‘cool, a bit fucky’? well, he’s 40% of that fuckiness. he’s been told again and again that idols aren’t supposed to date/have dating experience, but he still can’t get the hang of it

yes, he and jiaojiao were an item back in the wen days. she’s a trainee at some other company now but they still hook up sometimes

initially was intent on maintaining a cool, calm and collected image... then he met xue yang and threw that idea outta the window. paradoxically, they’re interesting together, not only as rappers but also as... high-energy, chaotic energy makers of the group...

this is a happy au, so: initially he’s thought everything is bullshit, these talentless fucks are dumb and he should already be a top idol. by the time of their debut, he agrees that meng yao is one crafty motherfucker. a year after their debut, if anything happened to any of his boys, yes even xue yang, he would kill everyone in the room, etc, etc BUT YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THAT.

SU SHE

unfortunately, was added before their first comeback (second release) and therefore controversial. fortunately, his vocal completes the group’s image and musical flavour

was a trainee in yinshen ent where he really admired their top idol, lan wangji, until... he got to know him (?) when they were sent to compete in a survival show and decided lan wangji ain’t shit and is, in fact, a stuck-up self-centered bitch. the survival show crashed (unrelatedly), but still some serious words were exchanged. during Some Company Problems, quite a lot of trainees have left, but he was the one who left with a Bang.

joined that one subsidiary of jin ent because of meng yao, who, just like in canon, recognized him, said he loved him in (song he’s performed in the survival show) and with this he cemented his position as su she’s new Boy Who Makes Him Go !!!!.

slowly replaced meng yao as The Man Who Does This Face at the other lads’ rowdy behaviour.

fans remember he was :/ at lan wangji, so his persona wouldn’t work anyway, but he does make quite a convincing kind dude-next-door.

stubborn side of the fandom’s next candidate for the mom member, because... he’s ridiculously prepared and reliable. who carries hydrogen peroxide in their daily use backpack? this boy !

it used to be rubbing alcohol but i had too many reasons to apply it internally, he once says mournfully, and this is how xue yang discovers he has a sense of humor, sort of

unfortunately, has the juiciest ass in the group. unfortunately, because

XUE YANG

responsible for: being inappropriate. the other 60% of fuckiness, really enjoys getting into wen chao’s personal space (since wen chao is That straight dude) and just... doing whatever to make su she Scandalized.

but he’s so cute we’ll forgive him. at least until the next time he does a surprise butt grab

very agile! dance line along with meng yao and wen ning. apparently he was a stunt guy...? apparently the lived in the streets...? apparently he went to the same dance school as meng yao...? no one knows his past. no one has seen his kid photos. did he go by another name...? insert the what are birds gif but make it who is xue yang.

adds sound effects to real life. also in his raps, sometimes

started hugging and initiating physical contact with people to assert dominance to be annoying, but ended up actually liking it, even though the one he does it comfortably with is meng yao. just like... back hugs? resting his chin over a-yao’s shoulder? it’s neat. sometimes a-yao pats his hand or taps his nose absent-mindedly and it’s super neat. if he notices you noticing it, though, he will BITE

most popular member, but everyone likes him for different reasons and has a different uhhh headcanon about potentially dating him. bad boy xue yang/cute bratty didi xue yang/sweet boyfriend xue yang, etc, etc

no one knows how, but apparently he knows the iconic duo from a small company, xiao xingchen and song lan...? or rather, song lan pretends not to know or notice him, meanwhile xiao xingchen is very cute when they’re interacting, and basically it prompts a lot of dating rumors, especially since they’ve been spotted having hotpot.

WEN NING

su she was the one to join last, but actually it’s wen ning who’s the least popular member. i’m just so quiet that people don’t notice me, haha, he says while being 180cm tall and having killer charisma when he dances

seriously, what’s up with that? it’s almost like he’s a different person, a possessed one to add to that. huh!

in contrast, his voice is very gentle and even cute, and he often sings quietly to himself. sometimes to other members (there’s a video of him singing what seems to be a lullaby to mxy), sometimes to little animals (there’s a video of him singing to a tiny frog he’s found during a walk). gentle boyfriend wen ning but it’s CANON

in contrast to the contrast, he doesn’t rap often, but when he does, it’s like... who’s that?? another member??? dualism king

when wc/xy cause problems on purpose, he doesn’t react/allows them to tease him/slap his ass/bump into him when they’re fighting. he seems like a calm, gentle guy so when they’re in a variety show and it’s Time For A Punishment, of course he gets to decide/wield the squeaky hammer, WHEREUPON ‘yang-ge, three weeks ago you ate my yoghurt even though i specifically asked you not to, so...’ (whacks xy’s ass into next tuesday)

nice, sculpted shoulders make for very good pillows

MO XUANYU

a Baby, but watch out: a horny one. fully on board with xue yang’s Inappropriate Ideas Of Entertainment. there’s a video of them doing some Rather Dirty dance moves while meng yao and su she make pained faces in the bg

fashion king. make-up king. none of his selfies are bare-faced, he always has some red eye shadow/blue eyelashes/yellow blush/black lipstick going on. sometimes even at the same time. paints his nails and toenails as well. somehow yao-gege doing his make-up makes him fall asleep one minute in. (cute)

his sincere smile is a 100% foolproof way to just... melt everyone’s hearts. in wen ning’s case: with a smile as well. meng yao and su she: an eyeroll (fond). xue yang and wen chao: ‘oh, fuck you’. but it DOES

most of the time though when he does sajiao it’s totally weird. (on purpose, on purpose)

tiny boy. skinny boy. once he turned to the side and vanished. even though most of the time in videos the other members sooner or later end up giving him food! (at some point wen chao says ‘it’s so that you’d shut up’, causing a-yu to start talking animatedly, spitting crumbs into his tea. serves him right)

has a potential to end up as a vocal god. currently however his favourite method of doing things with his voice is SCREAM

famously examines what things are by putting them in his mouth/licking them. he is a little creacher. he cannot change this

bites