#tho of course it comes with a warped image of him

[sixtacles]

the weight of expectations ,       far too heavy for anyone to carry   —   one and six ,        first and last in everyone’s eyes    (    everyone but them :         what an irony that of a secret number seven ,       present only in theory   ) .       they're not close by any means ,       but it's with a curious sort of  ...    admiration for his brother that ben sits near him ,      an open book resting on his knees :        how can a person stay so strong even in the face of misfortune itself ?        not in the physical sense    (    though that ,     too ,     ben can’t help but think of as a virtue :         the distant memory of sneaking out ,     years ago ,     of dragging allison and klaus to a book store and reading all about muscled superheroes much like their number one in old comic books .          hey ,    the fuckers are copying us ,         klaus had said .       it seemed true back then   ) ,        but more like how ben feels after summoning them    —   this cruel ,    head - spinning ,     nauseating tiredness that he’s seen on each of his siblings before .       but never on luther ,       no .        

half of the time it’s difficult to know whether to feel resentful of the fact ,       or glad that his brother manages to pull himself together easier than the rest of them .          “    diego says they got you pretty good ,   ”      he starts ,       a nonchalance to his tone that does not meet his eyes .       another sucessful mission  —  another set of bruises to add to the collection ,       what’s new ?        “    are you okay ?   ”

@moonexile       ♡

[burnedbyshoto]

hawks_littledove.mp3

— You’re an avid listener to NSFW ASMR artist Hawks. It’s just your luck that he’s offered to have phone sex with you.

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pairing: takami keigo (hawks) x fem!reader

warnings: smut, 18+, slight abuse of power/influence, phone sex, masturbation, degradation, praise, nsfw asmr artist!hawks

word count: 5,018

a/n: my keyboard is broken and i could actually cry. but hey, hawks do be sexy even tho I would never trust him with my life. also LOL this might be a call out to a lot of us, do not be offended or I will cry.

kinktober day 14 main kink: phone sex | kinktober masterlist

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Fantasizing about being in relationships with fictional characters was entirely healthy and normal.

That was something you believed to the core. It was fictional; thus, no one but you were to be hurt at the end of the day. The character, being fake, could never have an opinion because you must be real in order to have an opinion. So when you were between boyfriends, you discovered a new anime, and before you could stop yourself, you fell hard for a character.

It started as a mild obsession.

You had looked up fanart via google images, your heart warming when you saw the plethora of different fanart. The anime itself had been in circulation for a few years now, the manga for much longer, so the content was endless. Then google images wasn’t enough, and you began crossing into Twitter and Tumblr.

The fanart became better, more engrossing, and definitely much more NSFW. And then, one night during your endless rabbit hole down Tumblr after your daily search on Twitter, you stilled when seeing a new type of content.

⇒ grey fullbuster x reader

The obsession grew worse.

So much so that you had followed nearly five hundred self insert writers and artists on Tumblr, and maybe seven hundred artists, meta writers, and thread makers on twitter. But three months into consuming all the content you could find, you came across a new name that made you tilt your head.

Hawks Fierce Wings

It was a name that was being repeated and heavily talked about on both sites. It was an ASMR artist, apparently, and you frowned at the thought. You didn’t have anything against ASMR videos, but you weren’t exactly sure how to handle an anime ASMR artist. Were they cosplaying while making all those weird ASMR sounds? You really didn’t have any idea, but due to the immense boredom of your lazy day in, you decided to hell with it and tried out his most popular video.

It was simply entitled: Hawks is Jealous.

Did you have any idea as to who Hawks was? God, no, you didn’t. But if it was just some random cosplay he was going to do, you didn’t think it was going to matter. So as the only slightly educated ASMR listener, you never truly became invested when it was a thing; you slipped on your earbuds and pressed play.

The introduction screen faded into an illustrated picture of a slightly handsome man, and some calming yet tense music played in the background. You shifted, eyebrows drew as you waited for the ASMR session to begin, and when it did, you were not ready.

“I saw you walking around with that asshole today,” a voice practically growled in your ear, and you froze.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no!

For almost an entire hour, you sat glued to your sofa, your fingers digging into your lap as the jealous, spiteful words of this man named Hawks poured bitterly in your ear. His words were a near aggravated assault on you and definitely something you were beyond uncomfortable hearing from a stranger, but there was something about his voice that kept you there. Maybe it was the tenor of his tone or the way there was this sly, cunning scent to his words that he seemed to hide deep within his throat, but there was something that kept you there.

The second the passionate, heated kissing noises and heavy moans began to spill from his lips, you screeched, slamming your laptop closed as your cheeks pounded heavily.

Oh my god?!

It took a bit, but eventually, you were able to finish the audio and quickly figured out why he was an NSFW artist. You had never, ever heard a man eat a pussy fake or real as eagerly or vigorously as he did. Your hands were gripping the pants of your leggings, and your chest heaved.

Oh, motherfucking shit.

Finding out there were almost seventy other videos for you to still experience sent you scrambling for more, and eventually, you had to confess you were obsessed. Despite the anime fandoms you had discovered him for, Hawks seemed to be more famous for the content he created as himself. His real name was unknown by the looks of it, and he was only addressed as Hawks by his audience, something you caught on to quickly. So only after creating a new profile for his Youtube account, you made quick work of liking and commenting on every single of his already published seventy-eight nearly one hour and thirty-minute videos. 

Each one was different.

Each one filled with various roadmaps on how Hawks' scenarios would play out for you — the listener. When he used his own persona, he called the listener his little dove or his chicken nugget, sometimes his KFC thigh, or his shish kabob. 

You were glad at the very least he didn’t call you by any of those nicknames when pretending to fuck you at a speed only a “porn-is-my-only-education-on-porn” virgin teenage boy. You knew it wasn’t ideal, usually, but for some reason, it just worked. You commented on everything, read his summaries and thoughts on each video. Eventually, when you found yourself on his final, most recent video, you were ready to go a step further.

The Patreon app on your phone seemed jarringly out of place as you opened the app and subscribed yourself to Hawks' highest tiered option for the price of twenty USD.

And when you got your access to his page, you were immersed in more heavier, better content.

It was a goldmine in a sea of fools gold, and you absolutely went insane.

You weren’t sure if you were insane, needy, or just straight-up idiotic for scrolling to the very first Patreon post and indulging in the content Hawks created. 

There was a stark difference between the warnings alone between the Youtube videos and the Patreon posts. While the porn was readily accessible on Youtube, the kinkiest thing that ever happened in a video was a slight implication that Hawks had left the listener on a vibrator and fuckmachine as he went to go talk to the visiting neighbors.

It was a slight, tiny zone out and miss a detail, but one you had clung onto like an obsessed psycho and even commented on in your comment on the post. Of course, Hawks hadn’t responded, not that you had ever expected him to because all things considered, a video that was eight months old and hadn’t done that well, to begin with, didn’t seem like anything he would remember: notifications and all. 

But Patreon? Oh good, sweet, ravishing Patreon.

The very first video was of the following:

Stepbrother!Hawks fucks Stepsister!Listener in the stairwell during Christmas Dinner.

After praying and swearing to all the deities of the world that you were merely a person with a voice kink for this man and not, in fact, a perverted pseudo-incest worshiper, you clicked on it and began. It was downright sinful.

There were active voices whispered in the background as Hawks laughed about how fucking slutty you were for letting your brother fuck you like this. In the hallway, like a dog, where anyone in your joint family could walk out into. He laughed that you probably wanted it, how your wet ass pussy was greedily sucking him in, so how could you even begin to deny your lust for your brother.

You had to take a break five times during that audio.

Eventually, you do end up catching up.

Each video he had ever posted to your disposal, and most likely due to the different tier levels, you always commented on the videos. Even if it made you feel awkward for lusting over things months old, even if there were no other comments on the videos, which was much more common than you thought, you always commented and liked. It wasn’t anything ever crazy, you had seen the rarest comments bring a whole essay of analysis on why they loved it or the hating words, but you kept it simple.

Just something to keep Hawks spirits high without draining you even further of energy.

A simple: holy shit, that was hot as fucking hell!!!! you never disappoint me!!!

You never expected anything out of it; as a matter of fact, you had merely thought that you were doing the least by merely appreciating his creations when, one night, a few hours after you had gotten home. Your phone chimed with an alert.

Your mouth formed an ‘o’ in surprise; you hadn’t realized there was going to be a new release after he had just updated four days ago. Still, you popped in your earbuds and began the audio with a simple title.

i fuk ur stupid lil pus until u cri

He wasn’t precisely putting much effort into his titles these days, but his tags were definitely accurate and entirely explicit in what was to come. And in this newest video, the prominent tag was degradation.

You weren’t entirely into degradation, but still, you did what you had to do because you weren’t turned off by it. With the beginning sounds of the music playing in the background, you warped into the situation Hawks carefully carved.

But, oh?

Your face simmered with heat as Hawks dirty words dripped from the earbuds, the wet, squelching noise of your cunt and throat being fucked like some inanimate object made you soak through your panties as his disparaging words burned against your spine like a hot brand. After the thirty-minute audio was finished. Your body trembling with the aftershocks of an orgasm that had come despite the lack of actual stimulation of your clit, and you panted on your bed.

Opening your phone once again, you quickly liked the new audio and typed out your comment.

listen, i know i always comment about how fucking hot this shit is, but i have /never/ fucking soaked through my panties… you just did that and i expect a full refund for these panties 💦

You pressed send and, without so much of a second thought, continued your night. You had dinner, talked with friends, and ended the night curled back on the couch with a wine glass in your hand and a simple sit-com playing on the TV. The familiar sound of the Patreon alert rang in your ear, and you frowned, confused.

Grabbing your phone, you opened up the device and nearly shrieked at the sight of the information the notification that said:

Hawks F.W.: lets see those panties before i refund anything

A chill ran down your spine as you quickly put together the indications of this message, and you smirked, despite your quivering hands. 

Me: I have a seven inch dick requirement before seeing any of the goods — yes, that includes my panties

And from that very moment, you began a strange arrangement between you and the NSFW ASMR artist Hawks.

.

..

.

Working was the worst part of your life, you would say.

At work, you would sit in your small 4x4 cubicle, your shelves stacked with plenty of papers and items you needed, not to mention the computer that took up the majority of your desk. You weren’t quite sure what your job here was, you sort of sat at your desk and did meaningless assignments when assigned, but you did nothing for the most part. 

Before becoming an active Hawks stan, you would spend your time doing nothing playing video games. You had somehow managed to install a VPN onto your hard drive so that your employers wouldn’t be able to see what was on your screen outside of the home screen. They couldn’t trace what you did all day, but they could care less, given you got all your work completed on time and done in an over exceptional way.

But lately, since you had dropped into this… engrossed whore like relationship with Hawks, things changed. 

To be honest, it still shocks you to no end when he tells you that he had always been aware of you. Well, with your consistent, ever appearing comments on his posts and overall enthusiasm for everything he posted, it was hard to not be aware. The mental image of your soaked through panties after a long day at his own work had sent him over the edge, and he finally messaged you.

Through the DM’s in Patreon, the two of you grew to become quite the friends with benefits. He would send you countless personalized audio files because you had quickly confessed to your voice kink and how his voice sent your stomach into hormonal knots. In return, you’d send the picture of an occasional soaked panty, and if he was lucky, an audio clip of your pathetic whines back to his audios.

You couldn’t complain about this arrangement.

But as the number of his patrons doubled, and he wanted to entice his subscribers with paying him even more money, Hawks began to offer a bimonthly personalized five minute audios for his $20 tier. The fans poured into that spot, and Hawks and proudly sent you the new number of adoring fans he was getting. On account of growing platforms such as Tiktok, the number of new listeners he got was nearly exponential, as he currently passed one million followers last week. 

The cheeky bastard was also making enough money to stop working his regular work hours anymore. Choosing to transition slowly into his Patreon career while recording.

Hawks, however, seemed to have other ideas for your eventual personalized voice audio.

Hawks had simply asked if, by any chance, you were going to be working tomorrow the night before. Groaning loudly in recognition of your work schedule, you had texted him back that you were going to be working. Snidely including the fact that you weren’t rich like him, you needed the tedious old nine to five job.

Hawks: how utterly boring anyway u can b free around 2?

Me: Eh… probably not. Busy girl w busy schedule, ill be back from lunch so no break Why?

Hawks: well, u knw tht uve been amzing & th bst follower so i wanted 2 give u smthing better then the personalized audio

Me: Oh? Well, what is it?’

Hawks: pick up tmrw n find out

He had changed the subject immediately afterward by dodging all of your questions with ease. So you dropped it, and the two of you resumed a night of flirting. But now, sitting in your small cubicle, your eyes flashing to the clock that read 1:57 p.m., sweat began to build on your palm.

You peered down to your phone as you waited for something, anything from Hawks to show up. The fucker was too cheeky, evasive, and quick for his own good. You felt like pouting as you glared at the phone, waiting for the screen to light up.

And you stilled when finally, at precisely 1:59 p.m., your phone gleamed with light. You couldn’t abandon your computer mouse quicker than you did as you grabbed your phone, unlocking it, and reading the message from Hawks.

Hawks: do u have earbuds?

Me: Yes?

Hawks: good put them on n pick up

The moment you had read the first message, you were already pulling out your earbuds, synching them up to your phone, and placing them into your ear. But your jaw dropped when, for the first time, the call feature highlighted onto the screen, the time immediately changing to that of 2:00 p.m. The decline or accept button had never looked as daunting as it did right now.

Despite the call trying to go through, you still saw his follow up.

Hawks: if u dont pick up u wont get shit

[Accept]

You felt your heart hammering in your chest as both fear, apprehension, and excitement boiled through your veins, the hammering blood pounding in your ears as you waited for some sort of noise on the opposite side of the line.

“Little dove?” Hawks' voices filled your ears, and despite yourself, you smiled softly. The naturalness of his voice sends warm thumps down your spine.

“Hi, Hawks,” you whisper breathlessly, your head already checking to make sure your neighboring cubicle mates didn’t try to look over the divisions to stare at you. For the most part, the office building was quiet except for the phone calls, the clanking of computer keys, and the monotonous music playing softly on the speaker's head. 

“Whatcha doing?” he drawled, and you felt your skin heat up when you heard the all too familiar sound of his shoes hitting the top of his desk, the soft whine of his chair as he leaned back onto it. “Are you really at work?”

“What do you mean, am I really at work?” you squeaked, half horrified at the way the lazy, warm heat of lust was infiltrating your body at the sound of his voice, and the annoyance that he thought you had been lying? “Of course I am; it’s two p.m. on a Wednesday!”

“Ah, so little dove-chan is a raging pervert who engages in phone sex to bypass her long hours at work?” Hawks sighed his tone that of understanding and dismissal. You splutter. “You never fail to surprise me.”

“I do not do… that!” you stammer, your face feeling like hot cinders, your fingers and eyes double-checking to make sure that the audio was going to your earbuds and your earbuds only. You also couldn’t help the way your eyes swept around you, trying to make sure you hadn’t accidentally invited unwanted attention. “I said I was busy!”

“But, you picked up my call?”

“You said, or else!”

“Mmm, okay, I think I see,” Hawks tutted, and although you had never seen what you supposed to be his handsome face, you could imagine a lazy, toothy smirk on his face. “Don’t worry, I don’t mind using your little cubicle to talk you into fucking yourself good for me.”

Your jaw drops.

It hits the desk, and the muffled shriek of utter humiliation is only silenced because you bit onto your tongue like a rabid animal.

“Aw, you sound so excited for me already, little dove. I bet you want to know what I’m going to do to you, don’t you? I just know that I’m going to make you feel so... good…”

“Hawks!” you plea in a hushed whisper, your heart hammering where you sat frozen like a deer in headlights. Sure, you had definitely played his audios before to pass the time, but never before in your existence had you had actual phone sex. This was riskier than just listening to his audios; his audios always had a pattern, a way to escape from the madness of his voice when people were closer than you’d like. But this? No, there was no escape. “I’m at work! I c-can’t!”

“But, fuck, I want you so bad,” Hawks' voice dipped into a gravely tone, his voice just perfectly scratchy enough that your shoulders trembled in unspoken, untouched want. “I want to feel your cunt around my cock, baby, your pussy is so hot and I want to be the fucking lucky bastard that gets to fuck you through your bed.”

“O-Oh my god…”

“I’ve been thinking of what your tits look like,” Hawks continues on, his voice continuing in the style you liked the most. It was raw, heavy, and deep. No character impersonations, just him, pure Hawks. “I hope they bounce the way they do when I imagine you riding me. I want to see you moan when I kiss the underside of your tit, I want to see your face when you realize that you’re my girl, nobody's else's, but mine.”

Heat floods your panties at his words, your shallow breaths making him chuckle on the other end. 

“You’d be so lucky to be just mine, wouldn’t you, little dove?” Hawks snaps, his voice demanding a response, and you heave.

You look around, no one is near, and you croak out: “I’d be so lucky.”

“Louder.”

“I’d be so lucky.”

“Mm, there we go,” Hawks laughs, and your ears prickle for any noise that may indicate that someone was listening in. “What? Are you getting nervous that your needy ass will be heard by your coworkers right now? Answer me.”

“Mhmm,” you hum loudly, your cunt pulsing with more incredible heat and your hands shaking with a slight fear of being caught.

“Aww, don’t worry, little dove. I’m sure your boss will understand that you’re my newest fucktoy and will let me continue. Maybe they’ll want to join in?”

You whimper softly, shifting in your seat at that thought. You didn’t really want your boss coming anywhere near you, he was old and gross for one, and nothing could take the place of this beautiful man's voice in your ear right now.

“Oh, was that a no? You don’t want other people fucking you, do you, y/n? I bet you only want to have my cock in your tight little pussy, bet you want to watch the way that greedy little thing sucks me in, begging for my seed. Would you want me to cum deep inside you? You would like that little dove; you’d like to be full of my cum.”

“H-Hawks,” you keen as quietly as you can, your hips shifting uncomfortably in your seat, your heart hammering in your throat. The pressing heat in your cunt is growing, your panties growing with wet slick as Hawks' voice whispers down your ear, filling every empty and void space in your brain until you were having trouble focusing on the very much public spot you were in.

Hawks let out a soft, guttural moan, and you froze, face entirely combusting into an inferno as the familiar slick slapping of his fapping cock filled your ear. Immediately, you forgot everything.

“A-Are you—?!” you splutter, unable to find the words or the energy to come up with a way to ask if he was masturbating right now. Your eyes spun, your mind in a complete haze as soft, raunchy moans spilled from his lips, striking against your nerves and soul with each successive sound.

“I’m only trying to help you out here, dove,” Hawks growled, undoubtedly in effect to a rather loud smack of his fist colliding with his thrusting hip. “You’re the little office slut who picked up a phone call to entice in phone sex. I bet you knew exactly what I was going to do, and your pathetic, needy whore self caved to my instructions.”

Your fingers curled into the armrest of your chair.

“I bet this makes your boring ass job tolerable, the perfect distraction to a shit job, then imagining a few minutes of fucking yourself against my hard cock.”

“That’s not true!”

“No?” Hawks laughed, not believing you any more than you did. “So you wouldn’t hate it if I showed up and fucked you into the wall of your cubicle? You wouldn’t mind if I claimed your sweet-smelling pussy against your desk for everyone to hear? I know you can scream like a bitch in heat. I know that pretty little cunt of yours would milk my cock dry. Oh, I just know you would look so fucking sexy with your back arched, eyes closed, and you begging for hours just to cum. You wouldn’t cum without my permission, right?”

You gasped, heart fluttering, hammering in your chest as you shook your head, not trusting yourself to speak.

“I need a verbal answer, little dove.”

The heat in your core was blistering, your thighs shaking with your unadulterated lust and need as you ground into the cushion of your chair. All logic and moral long gone as he snarled and moaned your name in your ear, the slick of his fapping cock echoing like a great bell in your ear. You wanted to hear him cum, wanted to listen to the pithering sound of his echoing moans as he spilled the contents of his balls onto his hand — and how you wished it was your womb.

“I won’t cum w-without your permission!” you whispered, your skin shivering with your fear of being caught. 

“God, you sound like such a dirty fucking bitch. I bet your pussy is fucking soaked already. Bet you really want to run that slutty embarrassed finger against your clit but don’t want to be caught by your perverted coworkers,” Hawks hissed, his breaths turning into steady, heavy hot pants. You mewl softly, confirming his spoken thoughts, and he huffs out a laugh. “How many fingers do you normally shove up that pretty cunt of yours, little dove?”

“T-Three!” you gasp, your forehead pressing to the cool of your desk, your eyes glazed over and looking at the entrance of your cubicle, fervently wishing that no one tries to check on you as you grind against your stable chair. “O-Only three fit.”

“Fuck, you really do have a tight cunt, don’t you,” Hawks snaps, the wet sounds of his fisting hand around his cock a beautiful melody in your ear that makes you whine at the back of your throat. “Bet you can’t even fit cocks up your cunt without lube, huh. You gotta stay on top, or else you’ll get hurt with how thick and long my cock will be up that baby pussy of yours.”

“H-Hawks!” you grit out, the friction of grinding on the seat no longer working.

“Go to the bathroom, now,” Hawks commands, the small gasps on his voice from his approaching orgasm more than enough ammo for you to do as told.

You sprint to the bathroom, the slick of your cunt hot, and evident to you as you sped to the bathroom. Your phone clenched in your hand as you locked the door behind you, glad the room was empty. Barely managing to get yourself into the stall, the toilet paper placed on the seat as you raised your legs up, already prepared. The skirt you wore was bunched above your ass, and the panties you wore, stretching out around your knees.

“Sounds like you’re ready to start fucking that pussy for me,” Hawks laughs, but there's no humor, just bite. “Put in three fingers, now.”

Without even arguing or caring, three fingers slip into your cunt, and you cry at the feeling of your fingers completely stretching you out. The smell of sex and slick filling your nose as your fingers slick up, fucking your tight cunt as you moan louder and louder for Hawks. 

“God, your fucking pussy is so fucking wet, I can hear it from here!” Hawks moans, the frantic sound of his drilling hips gaining speed and momentum. 

“I want it to be you!” you moan, your face burning in your humiliation. “I want it to be you fucking my pussy, claiming me in this bathroom. I need you, Hawks, I want your cock so badly!”

“Fuck,” Hawks gasps, something tumbling in the background. “Such sweet words for a fucking dirty ass cumslut,” he growls, and your legs shake, your clit and cunt thrumming with your increasing arousal and pit of tightness in your core. 

“HAWKS, FUCK!” you sob as your hips try to start a merciless speed against your fingers, your body trying to match the speed in which Hawks was fucking his own hand.

“Keep screaming my name, whore.” Hawks gasps, his noises of pleasure beginning to grow louder and louder, your eyes crossing in satisfaction. “Screaming my name like the fucking slutty mess you are. All this shit just to get me to fuck you? God, you’re so fucking pathetic y/n. Begging for me, begging for more? I think you’re my favorite little dove ever, gonna make you mine whenever I get to fuck that pussy.”

“Hawks!” you wail his name again, your arms and pussy throbbing with the energy it takes to keep up with his inhumane speeds. Your vision seeing stars as you tremble more and more, your legs slipping from the toilet seat, yet. “I am your whore, your little dove. Please let me come, please! You fuck me so well, fucking hell, please, I needa cum, I needa cum!”

“Cum with me,” he snaps, his voice so deep, so dangerously smooth. It was precisely what you needed, the voice kink you had for his tenor exactly fulfilled entirely with that simple, last command. And just like that, your jaw slackens, head slamming backward, and pleasurable waves crash through you.

Your fingers still rock at your clit, and your vice gripped walls, your toes curling within your shoes as you soundlessly scream. Hawks, on the other end, is practically snarling, voice deep and altogether dangerous as grunt after grunt leaves him, and you can imagine the milk-white cum splattered all over his chest and hand. A beautiful, perfect sight that you wish you could see for yourself.

Exhaustion settles in your bones as you sit on the toilet, still entirely exhausted as you heave for air. 

“I think that was the best fucking orgasm I ever had,” you mumble, your eyes closed, not ready to stand up and move. “Thank you.”

“I’m good at what I… at what I do,” Hawks stumbles, husky exhaustion ringing in his own voice. “Now, little dove, finish up work, and I promise there’ll be a surprise waiting for you when you’re done.”

Not entirely agreeing, but not disagreeing with his command to go finish you last… two and a half hours at work, you begrudgingly said goodbye to Hawks before washing your hands and exiting the bathroom.

When five o’clock came, you watched as your phone screen lit up, and your face flushed as you read the DM from Hawks.

Hawks: this is my fav audio now ↳ hawks_littledove.mp3 but you surprised me today, so in case u ever want to have more fun sometime  call me 03-9183-2495 ;)

[deniigi]

polyglot din is just like 'wow why do i keep making friends when i go to these strange places' and it's like because you learn their language and actually treat people with basic human decency? i always hc that whenever he ends up in a new place for more than a week or so he's just like 'well im obviously going to be here for a bit time to learn a new language.' hes so sad he can't figure out what the hell grogu speaks and when the answer is telepathy he's like 'hmm maybe the kid can learn sign'

YES

I love that a lot!! I could see him also having done this so many times that he’s sort of incorporated it into his starter pack for how to approach different cultures.

The bit about sign is SO TRUE, THO. I....have a thing for this.

@petrichordiam and I’s Modern AU focuses on Grogu (who’s name is Jamari in the AU) using sign. So please have the devastating first few paragraphs from that.

--------------

It was around the time that Jamari figured out how to say his own name that Din started having the nightmares. And it was around the time that he turned around in the garage and saw Paz crooning at an engine in a full suit of armor that he started to think that maybe something was wrong with his head.

But what it really, really took for him to bolt up in bed and grab at his face and realize that that thing in trapped in the very back of his throat was a scream was Luke.

Luke’s face splattered with blood.

Luke’s hand reaching out to him.

Luke’s eyes engulfed in tears.

The last word in his mouth was ‘go.’ He wielded a sword made of lightening while half rolled on his back. He couldn’t protect both himself and the child. He had to make a choice.

He, Din, had to make a choice. To leave Luke or to save the child. To leave Luke or to save the child.

His heart seized and silence screamed in his ears, but Luke told him to go with tears in his eyes and a brow that said that he knew exactly what he was doing.

‘I love you,’ he’d mouthed right before the doors finally closed.

‘I love you, Din.’

Those words were the thing that made the pieces stopped sliding down from the sky like tiny tetris blocks. That time was gone.

The downpour had begun.

 --

 He was freaking out. He knew he was freaking out and he had to stop freaking out so that he could think.

He needed to think. Why were his hands so shaky? Why was his heart pounding like this? It was unacceptable. There was no clear and present danger before him, and anyways, even if there was, he was a warrior.

A torment of gold burst through his mind in memory of a—a someone? A something? He knew them. No, he knew them, what—how—his memory was all over the place he realized. There were so many sensations and images all overlapping.

Memories of his, Danny Jarabran’s, lips leaving those of a beer bottle in summer were overlaid with memories of deserts and huge, reeking yaks that barely resembled such animals, trekking slowly in lines across a sea of dunes out towards a mountain.

He knew the mountain. He knew the eyes of the desert yaks. Their name was on the tip of his tongue, but each time his throat tried to form the word, it vanished. And he was left standing here alone, in the twenty-first century in sweatpants in an apartment that was generously the size of a fat rat’s obstacle course.

He pressed the heels of his hands into his face and then felt along his cheeks and lips and eyes. He dug fingers into his hair, all while staring at the cuffs of his pants. His bare feet were right there beneath them on full display. His chest was on display. His face was on display—why did that make him want to sink into a pit and rot?

His breath was coming faster now in the bathroom. The thoughts were filing in at warp speed and none of them made sense. His chest started to balloon out like some kind of fleshy bubble filling more and more every second with hot air.

He grabbed onto the sink and forced himself to breath. He had to breathe so that he could think. He had to think so that he could try to make sense of the whirling storm around him.

‘I love you, Din.’

‘I love you.’

The words rattled his head like a subway car. He knew nothing about them, only that they belonged to Luke.

Luke and the lightening sword. Luke with the eyes full of tears.

He was so familiar. God, he was familiar. Where had Din seen him? Where did he know him? Why was the memory of that blood-spattered face half-laying on the ground so heart-wrenching?

Din forced himself up and stared in the mirror and the face that met him there no longer felt like his. It was as if the nose, the jaw, and the brows were this shell. It was like he was standing behind the whole ensemble, knowing but not believing that that face was his.

It was like that until the bathroom door creaked and Din’s face snapped towards it.

A child with dark skin, dark eyes, and a bevy of ringlets stared up at him. He stared in silence and Din could do nothing but stare back.

His throat wouldn’t work. His eyes were stuck on the face of this child. It had soft cheeks and a spray of freckles across them and its nose and its forehead. It was barely tall enough to reach the door handle on its own, and it hung from that handle with liquid eyes so dark brown that they were almost black.

It smiled at him and made a gesture that Din couldn’t understand even though it made the gesture another two times.

He didn’t know how he knew that this child shouldn’t have known that gesture, but it brought the taste of acid to his mouth.

The child made the gesture one final time, holding his little hand out with his fingers together and bringing it in towards his middle with the palm facing up.

‘Welcome,’ the gesture said. ‘Welcome.’

“Gro...gu?” Din asked.

The child beamed at him so hard that his eyes squinted.

He curled his hand into a fist and nodded it alongside his head.

Din’s knees felt watery all of the sudden. He sunk slowly down the side of the sink cabinets until he was sitting flat on the ground. He couldn’t speak again. He held his hands out to the child, who left the door and came to wrap his tiny arms around Din’s neck.

He cuddled in.

His name wasn’t Grogu. His name was Jamari.

Jamari.

And yet—

Din buried his nose into the kid’s shoulder and felt like the weight on his chest had lifted.

“You found me,” he said.

“Mmmmhm,” Grogu-Jamari confirmed. He pulled back and showed Din a finger that he dragged up his arm. Then he used the same finger to tap at the top of his wrist.

“A long time?” Din asked. “Were you waiting?”

He got another smile and more nodding.

Well, fuck.

“I’m…sorry,” he said, as his fingers automatically found their way into a fist and rubbed a small circle into the center of his chest.

Grogu-Jamari shook his head in understanding, then reached out and caught onto his hands with fingers.

They weren’t green. There were ten of them. Din almost started laughing.

Grogu hugged his hands close to his little chest. He was so warm. Din pulled him in close again and wrapped him up in his arms and tried not to shake.

It had been so long.

-------

ITS SAD BOO.

ITS SAD AS FUCK

but it gets a little less sad lololololol

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “The Shatter Protocol”

Lol I think you guys are going to totally hate me for this one. Its exciting tho, so there is that. Please don’t hunt me down in my sleep :)

“Commander on Deck!”

Commander Vir took a seat in the captain’s chair spinning around to face front, “Status report!” He barked hands gripped firmly to the seat arms jaw set.

“Rundi radar systems have detected twenty burg short cruisers and at least a dozen kree orbiting satellites, sir, its the whole fucking armada!”

“Keep yourself under control lieutenant! We’ve had worse.” And the way he said it made the crew almost believe him, “Are those satellites armed.”

There was a pause, “No sir, I don’t detect any weapons, mostly just power banks and mild warp capabilities.” 

Off to his left, Sunny had taken her seat at the weapons station, “All weapons systems online.”

“Order the first and fifth fighter squad to deploy.” He said, “Have them pull around back.” He turned to the communications officer, “Get the GA on the line and get me more ships! I don’t care if i have to sell my soul to the GA, but we need more firepower. We aren’t going to win this if we can’t flank them.”

“Yes sir.” He engaged the radar screen, and deployed the forward cameras even as the front blast shields closed over his line of vision, only to be replaced by a projected image of the same.

“Commander, burg warships moving into position.”

He clenched his teeth into a snarl, “Why won't these bastards just give up already.”

“Sir Kozlov and Ho have arrived, and are maneuvering into position.”

“Good. Get me the Burg command on the line. I want to talk to them.”

“Yes sir.”

He waited there for a moment, hands still resting lightly on the sides of his seat, though he did engage the manual controls with one thumb as he did so resting his feet lightly on the pedals and moving his hands to the control sticks.

A projected image appeared in his vision, and it was big and ugly, with too many legs, a couple of mandibles, and some twitching antennae. Commander Vir wished he could meet the thing in person, simply to spit in the creature’s face.

“Commander.” it hissed, it's sibilant clattering voice making him want to open up his skull and itch at his brain.

“I’m afraid you have e at somewhat of a disadvantage…. I don’t know your name.”

The creature hissed, “We are on equal playing fields, commander.” It placed a little emphasis on the last word.

Commander Vir kept his face neutral, “You and I have never been on equal playing fields.”

“I think we have.”

“Well no, you see because ever conflict humanity has had with the burg, we’ve won. Three times. Some of your peop’e were defeated by army ants, so forgive me if I am skeptical.”

INstead of flying into a fit of rage like he had become accustomed too, this creature simply chittered its mandibles, “That will change soon enough.”

“Don’t suppose I can convince you to surrender?”

“No, I don’t suppose you can.”

Commander Vir tapped his fingers  against the chair seat, “Than I suppose you will die like the rest of your predecessors.”

The burg commander, still calmly, “There are worse things than death, commander.” ANd then the line went dead.

Commander Vir frowned, but was cut off from his thoughts, “Sir, The burg ship is preparing to fire.” “Beginning evasive maneuvers.” At the back of the ship, the rear thrusters pulsed and they shot downwards jolting much of the crew in their seats. They couldn’t feel the projectile pass, as there was no blast radius in space, but the COmmander’s quick maneuver had stopped them from taking a round straight to the nose fo the ship.

“Sunny, fire when ready.”

“Yes sir, predictive engine has been booted.”

“Predictive engine?”

“Sunny flipped up the joystick on her weapons module, “Yes sir, I designed it for times just like this.”

Commander Vir watched nervously as she worked, finger twitching towards the trigger on his joysticks, but she was the weapons expert, it was time to let her work.

Two shots fired one slightly delayed from the other. The first of them aimed for the far right deck of the burg ship. It missed entirely as they maneuvered to the side and straight into the path of the second.

Commander Vir had never seen a hit so solid in his entire life.

He blinked in shock as pieces of debris exploded into space around the burg ship.

“Direct hit, sir.” She said. If she had had time to think, she would have been pleased with herself. The predictive engine she had spoken of earlier, was a piece of engineered software she had designed just for this occasion. It used probability, mathematics and fast calculation to determine the most likely course of action for a ship maneuver in comparison to a fired shot. In this way she could predict her target’s movement to an accuracy of 65% and almost up to 72% if she played her cards right.

Commander Vir tightened his hands on the joysticks, “What do you need me to do, Sunny.”

“You do whatever you need to, commander, and I will match you.”

She has sent off anther careful volley of shots, slowly rotating the guns in pairs of two to give the others time to cool off.

Bright white lights lit up the vast darkness of space as the two groups began firing back and forth at each other. The Celzex ship glowed an almost neon purple for a second before a massive discharge cut across the intervening space at speeds nearly incomprehensible.

A burg ship exploded, almost atomized on the spot.

The burg line broke, and dissolved into chaos breaking left and right. Commander Vir maneuvered his ship to the side, and cut forward, dancing the massive ship like a delicate ballet dancer across the stage of space.

As they cut by, Sunny armed close range ballistic cannons, sending a rapid onslaught of tungsten rods straight through the burg hull depressurizing an entire side of the ship. Captain Vir rolled to the side out of the way of another line of fire.

Outside, the fighters swarmed around his ship keeping burg fighters at bay. At a distance, the fight almost appeared like a swarm of bees around the head of a bear, one lumbering, the the others fast and graceful.

The burg tried to cut around to flank them from the back, but Captain Kozlov and Ho were waiting for them. The two crossed their firing fields, and decimated anyone who was stupid enough to enter. The Rundi ship covered the Celzex ship with it’s shielding, dropping it only on occasion when the Celzex’s weapons had charged back to full power.

Their weapons were slow, but when they hit, they absolutely decimated whatever they touched.

The ship shook as one of the burg fighters brought a line of rapid gunfire down their hull. Commander Vir cursed, knowing he could do nothing against an attack from such a small fighter.

Two more sharp blinks of light in the middle of space, and a Terasaki ship appeared escorted by another Rundi imperial.

Their appearance on the fighting stage was so sudden, the Burg had no time to react.

The Terasaki, as innovative as they were  shot off a projectile towards two burg ships. It missed entirely, or so it seemed unti l there was a bright pulse of blue light, and the two ships jolted suddenly sideways as the absolutely massive magnet pulled them together.

They did not remain their long as the Celzex took the opportunity blasting both ships and the Tesraki magnet into atoms.

However, while their shields had been momentarily down, the burg had fired another volley, and the rundi ship rocked violently to the side. At least six burg ships concentrated their attack on the limping cruiser as its shields flickered on and off. The concentration was too high, and commander Vir maneuvered around and back behind them as a pice of the RUndi shi was blasted off. Bodies were sucked out of the open compartment and into the vastness of space.

He was flanking them now having turned a full 180 from their their original position.

Sunny humed in pleasure.

On board the ship’s most powerful railguns fired in quick succession. Commander vir jolted in his seat as the huge weapons bounced the backwards forcing the rear thrusters to fire in response, keeping them steady.

The first round blasted apart the Burg shield, and the second round cut right into the burg engine bay.

He was almost blinded by the bright light as the ship seemed to atomize right there on the spot as the Burg warp core was perforated, and the half that did not atomize imploded. The sudden destabilization of the warp drive was powerful enough to create a rift in the airspace that immediately warped the back halves of two and the front halves of two burg warships into oblivion.

Debris Pelted their companions mostly warded off by shields, but some scored lucky hits on the ships that had already had their shields damaged.

The Celzex took care of the rest blasting an entire field of burg ships into powder.

That was when Commander Vir sensed something to be very very wrong. He didn’t know what for sure, but a pit had formed in his stomach causing his heart to drop into his pelvis. The battlefield around them was chaotic, the burg having switched sides.

He was in back now, and there seemed to be a lot less burg ships than originally.

But where…? He wasn’t sure what made him turn the ship around, but he did, and when he did he saw the reason for his sinking stomach.

“Commander come in do you read, we are sensing a power anomaly behind you.”

He barely heard the words that came over the coms, as he watched the final satellite drop into position in the ring, and when it did a massive pulse of blue power erupted from around them.

When his vision cleared, what lay before him, caused the pit in his stomach to bore it’s way out of his body, his metaphorical heart sinking onto the floor.

Desperately, he fired all thrusters full forward. 

The massive churning black abyss before them was powerful enough to warp space around it. Rings of light rolled at its edges pulsing around and over like a halo, though the center was of the deepest most malevolent black he had ever seen.

Screaming erupted on the bridge.

His ship jolted, and without his bidding slowly moving forward despite their full thrust backwards.

“FIRE THE WARP CORE NOW!” He screamed his hearing popping out to be replaced only with a ringing.

“FIRING WARP CORE.” One of the front panels of the harbinger broke off and went careening towards the black pit.

The ship’s hull screeched.

There was a sharp pulse, and then a jolt. That rent the air around them.

He almost passed out with the powerful wave of warp energy that blasted over the ship, and then died.

“WARP CORE MALFUNCTIONING!”

INside his heart was hammering, his throat was tight and his eyes stung. He stared at the gaping blackness before them and it’s swirling halo.

Comms lit up, “Commander we can’t get any closer, commander!”

It was at that moment he knew.

Suddenly, very suddenly his heart slowed, his breathing evened out. HIs eyes stopped prickling and despite his skin being cold he did not shake. He was still in the command chair as chaos reigned around him.

He heard himself speak as if from outside his own body, a voice that was calm, and decisive, and cool despite the hint of sadness that touched it. Though he did not shout, the power of his voice silenced the bridge, “Initiate the Shatter protocol.”

Everyone was silent.

“Everyone evacuate to the life pods and sealed decks immediately.” His seatbelt clicked into position, and he took a deep breath.

“But commander.”

“I said evacuate, now.” he did not raise his voice but the tone made it clear he would take no argument.

The crew stood from their seats.

Commander vir reached out and under his seat pressing a button that he had never wanted to press. Purple light blinked on around them.

Initiating shatter protocol.

The bridge crew filed out of the room as commander Vir stared stoically forward.

Please report to a restraint harness on an air locked deck or to the lifepods.

Commander Vir closed his eyes thinking “Conn, are you there?”

A soft voice, “Yes commander, I am here.”

“Can you get my dog-”

“Already done commander, she is safe with me.” 

“Conn.”

“Yes?”

“You know I never mean the things I say to you, right?”

“Yes, commander, I know.” 

The Bridge was almost completely empty now.

Shatter protocol to initiate in three minutes.

A hand on his shoulder.

He looked up, and saw sunny standing over him, her golden eyes wide with horror, “Adam, what are you doing!”

“Someone has to stay behind, Sunny. I have to manually fire them if I want everyone to make it out.”

“Bullshit.”

“Sunny, if you don’t leave right now I swear to god I will hate you for the rest of my life.” He locked eyes with her seeing the confusion and hurt there, “I will hate you because you will have murdered someone I loved.” She stared at him still not comprehending what he had said, but that was ok.

He stood allowing the seatbelt to disengage.

He stood Resting his hands on her upper arms pushing her slowly back towards the door.

When she wouldn’t move fast enough, he hugged her close pushing harder until the door was just behind them.

He turned his head to look up at her.

He leaned up moving onto the tips of his toes to reach sliding his hands onto the cool chest plate of her carapace.

She looked down at him confused, maybe scared.

He leaned up a little further bracing his toes against the steel, and shoved hard. 

Sunny stumbled back pitching to the floor as he raced forward and slammed his fist into the locking button.

The door slammed shut as Sunny leaped to her feet.

Sealing ship decks.

All around the ship powerful airlocked metal plates slid down from all the doors, locking each individual deck into an air right compartment.

He heard the metal snick into place behind the door in front of him.

A captain goes down with his ship

He turned and took his seat back in the captain’s chair back straight chin held high.

He reached down and pressed the button again.

Jettisoning Deck F

Once upon a time, some engineer somewhere had designed a plan for an event like this. Lifeboats and escape pods were ok for small numbers of people, but for large amounts at a short notice, it just wasn't viable. So they had designed it where the decks of the ships themselves were lifeboats.

In an event of an emergency the decs would be sealed off into airtight compartments and then, one by one, jettisoned backwards from the ship using all systems for external power.

OUt in space, the Harbinger broke apart starting from the back forward. Thousands of escape pods and chunks of the ship rocketed backwards all at once fracturing like a pane of glass.

Commander Vir felt the power and lurched slightly forward in his seat. The lights around him dimmed as the command deck was cut from power. As the thrusters vanished, there was nothing to keep him stable and he rocketed forward towards the gaping maw of the black abyss. 

HE rested his head back in his seat watching the hole grow wider before him. 

He thought of his mother, hoping she wouldn’t cry too much, of his father who had never lost a son. He thought of his brothers. He thought of Dr. Krill. He thought about his crew, and he thought about Sunny.

Nothing but blackness in his vision.

In the darkness of the bridge, he whispered one final phrase to ALL of them before the command deck spiraled into blackness and vanished.

I love you

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

I’m Always Curious Part Three

Previous Part | Next Part |  Masterlist Notes: Not beta-read. Also I’m unsure of who Pike’s comms officer is on the Enterprise when it comes to Disco so I?? Made someone up. Lemme know if there’s someone established, tho! Summary: We’d received a search and rescue order from Admiral Cornwell nearly three hours beforehand - a research vessel, the U.S.S. Anil, had ceased all communication with the Federation shortly after it had dropped out of warp for manual repairs - dangerously close to Tholia Prime.

“Remind me why this was a good idea,” Pike grunted into his communicator. “Twelve minutes out, sir,” Number One’s voice crackled crisply in response. "Was that an answer?” Pike asked me, glancing warily in my direction. I might’ve smiled if I could focus on anything but how unbearably hot it was. Our Tholian ‘hosts’ had kindly lowered the temperature of our half of the negotiating room from its customary 404 degrees Fahrenheit to a ‘hospitable’ 102 degrees Fahrenheit (apparently this was so low that they needed to take frequent breaks during our negotiations, leaving us to bake in the room; this seemed excessive, as they had taken the pains to shield themselves behind exothermic screens to ensure their own temperatures wouldn’t drop too drastically). We’d received a search and rescue order from Admiral Cornwell nearly three hours beforehand - a research vessel, the U.S.S. Anil, had ceased all communication with the Federation shortly after it had dropped out of warp for manual repairs - dangerously close to Tholia Prime. We were still in Federation space, but the Tholians had a reputation of being less than kind to anyone that they deemed a little too close to home, and they had never been friends of the Federation. The Anil had been found, badly damaged and entirely uninhabited. Our engineers were doing what they could now to patch up the vessel now, but that was only one half of the search and rescue. Pike’s initial attempts to engage with the Tholian vessel in the area had been fruitless; their language consisted of clicks and high-pitched squeaks, and Pike’s usual bridge communications officer, Lieutenant Commander Thaleh, was on leave, and her replacement wasn’t familiar with Tholian. Spock dropped my name, and I’d been able to decode their message - they wouldn’t speak to us on a ship-to-ship basis. I could reply to them in kind in the form of clicking and whistling. Pike and I agreed to beam aboard their ship under the guise of an information swap while Spock and Nhan beamed aboard separately, in secret, and located the crew members of the Anil. “That was an Una answer,” I said, reaching up and tugging at my collar. We’d been given water, but I knew that if I reached for it now, I’d drain it. “I won’t tell Number One that you used her name,” Pike gave me a conspirator’s smile, and I returned it. “Chalk it up to heat exhaustion, Captain,” I returned.

Pike and I straightened as the door opened, the image of the Tholians reemerging behind their screens. They loomed tall, their glowing rhombus-shaped eyes peering at us through the heated screens. Their sound system crackled to life, and a series of clicks and screeches streamed through. It took me a moment, and I turned to the Captain, swallowing thickly, throat dry. “They would like to inform us that intruders have been identified on board, and would like to know if we know anything about this.” Pike’s brow twitched; our eyes remained on one another’s, careful in our silence to not make any sudden movements, to look at the Tholians where they were closely watching us. From Pike’s communicator, Number One reported, “Nhan and Spock have made contact with the Anil crew. Working to beam them aboard, but they’re jamming our signal, sir.” “Tell them that we are unaware of such involvement,” Pike said. I nodded before I turned my head, repeating the message to the Tholian side. There was a pause from them before another series of clicks and screeches. “They say that they’ve identified our vessel working to repair the U.S.S. Anil and say that we either send orders to stop work immediately, or they will show the same treatment to our crew.” Pike’s expression hardened, then, eyes darting to their screen. “Number One, status report,” He ordered through clenched teeth. “Still working to un-jam the transporter signal, Captain.” My eyes darted to the screens where I could see the Tholians shifting impatiently. “Number One, the Anil crew, when they were captured, they were mid-repair, correct?” I asked. “Affirmative.” “Suited for space?” “Presumably.” “And likely remained so despite capture?” “You have a plan?” Pike asked. I shot him a wary look. “I have a bad idea.” “Well, that’s something,” He pressed. An irritable hiss came from the Tholian side and I held a finger up to signal a moment more before turning my head back to Pike. “Spock and Nhan and suited for combat, helmets included, right? The Anil crew are suited for atmosphere. We tell the Tholians that we’ll give word to stop work on  the Anil, beam back to the ship, give Nhan and Spock orders to find their way to an airlock with the Anil crew and into space. If our transporter beam is still blocked, they use their guidance to get back to the Anil, we use our tractor beam to get a lock on the ship and warp out before the clicky bastards over there can do anything about it.” Pike’s lips twitched at my words, asking, “You hear that Number One?” “Heard and patched through to Spock and Commander Nhan as soon as the lieutenant mentioned a bad idea, Captain,” Number One answered crisply. “It’s our best play right now, I say we go for it,” Pike nodded, turning back to the screens. I mirrored him, relaying to the Tholians that we would gladly stop work on the Anil, and that we would need to return to the ship to give the order. The Tholians seemed to purr out our compliance. "Try beaming the others back first,” I mumbled into my comm. The transporter was delayed, and then we were on the transporter pads, in a blessedly cool room. I sighed, letting my shoulders sag, relaxed for a second. I hadn’t realized how much I’d adjusted to that heat until I was out of it. I followed Pike out of the transporter room, into the turbolift, holding onto the handle as we went to the bridge. By the time we arrived, Number One was barking orders, issuing course corrections. I watched as the Anil crew, Spock, and Nhan wove out of the path of Tholian fire, even as the Enterprise darted and rocked out of the path of our own fire. “Anil crew is aboard the ship, sir, Nhan and Spock are with them,” Number One announced. “Tractor beam status?” Pike asked. “Locked, sir.” “Get us the hell out of here,” Pike ordered, lowering himself into his chair. I watched as the Tholian ship began to fade, then disappeared entirely. I felt Number One giving me a look, and I met her eye. “You should get cleaned up,” She said. I couldn’t even bring myself to be embarrassed; I was too tired. I gave her a nod. “Lieutenant.” I stopped at the doors of the turbolift, turning toward the sound of the Captain’s voice. “It wasn’t a bad idea,” He said. I smiled a little bit. “I’ve had better ones, sir,” I said before I stepped onto the turbolift, doors sliding shut behind me. -- “With respect, you should get some rest, sir,” I said lightly. Pike hadn’t even paused for breath when we’d gotten back aboard the ship. I’d heeded Una’s advice and gotten cleaned up returning to my post. We were on our way to Starbase 389 for the Anil’s repairs; the Anil’s crew was safely aboard the Enterprise for the journey. I’d been surprised by the invitation to the Captain’s ready room - Number One had extended it to me, and when I’d arrived at the end of my shift, I’d found Spock, Nhan, Number One, and the Captain there with drinks in hand. I’d assumed it was a debriefing, but it had been more of a decompression session. It had dwindled gradually until it was just myself and the Captain. “Interesting advice from the crew member that almost immediately returned to their post on mission completion,” Pike commented, leaning back in his seat. “I think the key word there would be ‘almost’. At least one of us stopped for water.” Pike’s laugh took me by surprise, and it made me smile. It was a sweet sound - lower than I’d expected, but light. I wanted to hear it again. I lowered my eyes to my desk, careful not to let my eyes linger on his smile, like I’d let myself before. It was easier when the others had been in the room; when his attention was drawn away, I could observe him to heart’s content. Narrowed to the two of us, though, my sneaky glances would be more easily caught out. “You saved our hides out there today,” Pike had sat up in my introspection, leaned forward a little. My eyes flitted to his; that more serious look had overtaken his face again, but there something gentle there, too. “Just did my job, sir,” I excused, shaking my head a little. “It’s not like today was your usual,” Pike pointed out. I smiled. “This is Starfleet. There really isn’t a day to day usual,” I countered, “I mean... I will concede that I don’t typically orchestrate escape missions, but...” I shrugged a shoulder, “Frankly I figured if it was the worst idea offered, I was fine with it being the bottom of the barrel. If you’d taken someone else on that ship you probably would’ve made it out just as fast, if not twice as. I just wanted us out of there in one piece.” Pike was frowning now, not in a disappointed way, but almost with a confusion. I didn’t know what I’d said t hat might’ve prompted that, but I cleared my throat, hoping to jolt him of it. “I should leave you to it, sir. And I’m on shift in a few hours, I should uh...Hydrate between now and then,” I set my half-full glass on his desk and stood. Pike looked like he was about to say something else, but he stopped himself, instead pressing his lips together and giving me a tight ‘Captain’ smile. “Of course. Have a good rest, lieutenant.” “And you, Captain.” I made for the doors before I could say anything else stupid - or possibly confusing. “Lieutenant.” I cringed as I stopped, turning to face the Captain again. He rose out of his seat, walking around his desk to stop in front of me; he was hardly more than a few inches away, and he spoke lowly, as if there was someone nearby that he didn’t want overhearing us. “Any idea that ends in the most peaceful resolution of a situation, with the fewest lives lost, with the ship in one peace and the Federation standards upheld is a good idea. We may’ve left with Tholian fire at our backs, but when we engage with the Tholians, that is almost always going to be a guarantee. You offered a viable solution in a tricky situation and performed more than admirably under pressure.” Pike held my eye as he spoke to me; he wasn’t speaking down to me, or scolding me or lecturing me; it felt like he was almost pleading with me, to see the situation another way. “How another officer may have acted in the situation is immaterial. What I know is how you did act. I was glad to have you by my side.” I averted my eyes from Pike’s, to the badge on his chest. “I appreciate that, Captain,” I said quietly. “...Get some rest, lieutenant,” Pike murmured. “Sir,” I mumbled before I turned on my heel, hurrying out of the ready room as fast as the automatic doors would allow.

[spiralesbian]

ALRIGHT

here’s my full Stranger Avatar Sasha Archivist timeline:

(also, thanks to @artbyblastweave for being so interested in my lil au!)

SEASON ONE

sasha james is hired as the head archivist of the magnus institute!

her assistants are jon, tim, and martin

tim takes the thematic role of martin (aka getting tormented by my worm wife jane, and stays in the archives)

sasha reads thru statements and is a skeptic! she really does not believe it’s real until jane comes along.

“tim……………………..did you die here?”

“no, but every time i come to work i die a little more inside.”

cute timsha moment in the supply closet tho.

until martin kool-aid-mans through the door and gets them out of there

jon used to work in artefact storage so he hides in there. he’ll be fine

i actually can’t remember how they all get out but they do it KKJSDGFJHD

sasha takes everyone’s statements. tim is fucked up, martin is also fucked up, jon is actually fine though he seems pretty normal about this whole situation most definitely.

sasha realizes this is a bit more than a regular archivist job.

SEASON TWO

sasha gets paranoid of course. she learns more about gertrude because she never got the chance to meet her

she takes a statement from a guy named michael shelley. weird dude. then helen shows up :)

jon is most definitely himself he is just a normal regular grumpy jon i swear :)

sasha starts to manifest her powers a little bit. she doesn’t know it, but she is an avatar of the stranger, and a prisoner of the eye.

she starts to notice more things about jon? similar to this comic but with jon

eventually she + tim + martin help get jon out of the grip of the NotJon. this is my au and i get to choose who dies (it’s no one because i miss the s1 archival assistants too much).

jon is pretty fucked up from this though and at like a season-3-tim mindset already.

fucking goddamn leitner avatar of the fucking whore shows up to trap the NotJon in one of his shitty fucking novels. fuck this guy tho

he’s like Sasha We Must Talk and shes like okay but stay 8 ft away from me at all times you bitch

she leaves the room for 10 minutes and pipe murder occurs. good riddance

wait are the cops in the season i genuinely can’t remember. if they are, their roles don’t change very much. melanie and sasha feud, battle of the bi queens

SEASON THREE:

uh oh! girlie’s be framed for murder! she crashes at her ex gf georgie’s flat. also the admiral is there don’t think i would EVER cut him out of this story

(also jon is georgie’s ex too because i think that would be fun JDHBFHS)

sasha learns abt an upcoming web ritual (mirroring the unknowing), all that shit. gets kidnapped a ton of times, as usual.

helen is like “i am going to kill you because i hate gertrude <3 i was that dumb bitch’s assistant for too long” but michael busts out of the door like Hi Guys and traps her in the hallway.

sasha also gives her statement about a leitner she found as a child that marked her. its a stranger book and we learn her edgy orphan origin story how her parents were both murked by the stranger. fucked up if true!

back at the archives jon is like so fucking tired of this shit honestly and now martin is also pretty paranoid. also jm romance subplot is still very present!

tim is just trying to protect sasha at all times and he’s pissed she keeps leaving the country and getting fucking kidnapped

(remember when jon persuades the traffic cop?) sasha starts to fill her archivist role in a different way. she can shapeshift into the subject of a statement and uses her affiliation with the eye to coerce statements or info out of people. (example: if she needed a live statement from the guy in #90 Body Builder, she could temporarily make herself look like jared hopworth to the guy and ask “what happened to me?” or “what did i do?” and the guy would be like well he built some fucken bodies i guess let me tell you all about it) while reading the statements in america that refuel her, she fully shapeshifts into the statement giver while reading out loud.

once again i truly can’t remember daisy + basira’s roles until the end of the season. also melanie get shot by the ghost at some point

anyways sasha gets kidnapped by trevor and julia and they gerry lays out all the shit for her and she’s like ah! i’m fucked

tim offhand mentions the web ritual to martin and he loses his shit cause he’s marked by the web blah blah this isn’t a web!martin thing i swear i just need someone to fill tim’s role in the ritual and a lonely ritual would be fucking boring as hell as we learned from ass man peter lukas. i hate that man

so they make the plan to stop the web ritual (which is fucking hard when the offense knows your every move) so sasha, basira, daisy, jon, and martin go.

tim stays back at the institute to burn shit and distract elias. elias does some fucked up shit as usual and it makes me sad

the ritual starts! they have a plan to blow it up and run but like. u know how it goes

instead of the unknowing-stranger-dream-sequence, we get everyone kinda mixed up in a huge spider’s web on the big stage and its still quite confusing because this ritual not only manipulates the prey, but also the prey’s perceived reality. the web is also in current control of the buried coffin cause they think that shit is kinda fun. they yeet daisy into it.

hard to describe what happens, but basira keeps her cool, jon is a bit lost in his own mind, sasha tries to use her powers to escape but fails. she manages to get through to martin through the strings and mounds of spiders and she tosses him the detonator.

[squishing spider noises]

SEASON FOUR:

martin doesn't die, i told you i can't kill the og archival assistants! he does lose most of one leg though, he took the blunt of the explosion.

sasha in da hospital in da coma. tim is mad he can’t wake her up and then my man ollie says “ur fucked up mate” and she wakes up

(and because coma jon has such wild hair controversy, i’m establishing that her head was shaved when she was in the coma. it grows back thru s4. it she keeps one side shaved cause she’s cool)

meanwhile tim is recruited by that dumbass man you know who i don’t even wanna say his stupid fucking name

sasha gets daisy out of the buried. they become avatar pals!

(there is the biggest blank in my memory where all of season four should be. at this point i should just relisten to the entire fucking show but i would literally just forget it all again)

melanie says hm. fuck this! and blinds herself. she goes to live with georgie (and that’s the moment jon and sasha realize they are both georgie’s exes FHFHDJD)

tim continues to fight the lonely pull. he thinks that since p*ter l*kas is tied to the institute, he can blind himself out cause melanie was successful. he is wrong. he is also interrupted by elias midway, and only blinds one eye, and loses most of his sight in the other. elias’s hold on him is weak, but this just drives him way farther into the lonely.

gotta be honest i remember the end of season four but like i couldn’t visualize what was happening at the end so i like don’t understand what happened JGDKFJGD but sasha intervenes (???) and peter yeets tim into the lonely (???) and sasha jumps in (??????) after him. elias is just there i guess?

instead of “look at me martin,” sasha finds tim and at this point her form is warped and hard to recognize because of stranger powers, and tim is almost 100% blind, so she says “don’t look at me, see me. see me tim, it’s me.” and finally creates a clear image of herself. “it’s...it’s you. you’re my sasha.”

they break free and go to scotland i guess KHSDDKDSF

idk what happens with jon and martin im losing continuity at this point. fuck it, they smooch <3

“ah these are the statements.”

“yes. basira said last week she’d send some up as soon as the archives weren’t a crime scene. and she wasn’t sure which ones you’ve read already, so she, she just said she’d send a bunch.”

“.........Hello Sasha.”

(alternate ending: personally i think sasha would read through each statement before speaking them aloud cause that’s what i would fucking do, so she would get this statement and be like “lmao tim come look at this elias trying to prank me dumb bitch think i’ll start the apocalypse for him. fucking little puny bitch boy. anyways what do you want for dinner?”)

SEASON FIVE:

“just. listen.”

“...i’m dead. and you have been chosen to be my replacement as head archivist. hopefully, this means you, jon, but if someone else is hearing this, and elias has made a different choice for some reason, then these words are still very much intended for you.”

sasha in full stranger avatar mode and is like 8ft tall and her faces shift a lot as they go through the realms. except the stranger is the second to last one (the panopticon is last obviously).

helen and michael actually talk shit out in the spiral hallway and now they are mlm wlw solidarity and both like tim and sasha are such bi and trans icons <3 this is so fun don’t you love the fearpocalypse <3

oh daisy n basira trapped in the hunt, and jon and martin are trapped in the stranger. wtgfs + the admiral are like in space or some shit idk but they are ok :)

not much to report other than she is my monster wife <3

i really don’t have many theories to how everything in s5 is gonna pan out, and i would like to closely mirror the actual show, so maybe as we get closer to the end i’ll build more on to this! thanks a lot for all the notes on my first sarchivist post!! also if u wanna make art this specific au DEF tag me in it i’d love to see!!

[judehayward]

lady gaga voice slowly fadin in: ju-Das juda-ah-ah… this depressed goblin bastard is honestly my fav male muse like i dnt typically stick w male muses tht long i struggle bt................. i’ve played him the longest of them all n always seem to return to him. jst cnt stay away. way 2 attached to this absurd little man. it’s nai btw!!!! (josefine on the main). launches right in to jude’s intro without further adieu..... (u can also find his playlist here) 🧙‍🎨

「douglas booth & cis-male」⇾ hayward , jude, the senior radcliffe student’s records show that he is a pisces and 23 years old. he is studying ART, living in moris and can be protective, laidback, nonsensical & apathetic. when i see him i am reminded of wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects, lead marbles instead of eyes. ⇽「nai & 23 & gmt & she/her.」

he pinterest:

me in the voice of a card magician performing on the street: round up round up pick a pinterest any pinterest!

ta-da it’s aesthetics:

lead marbles instead of eyes, a stolen hearse careening down the wrong lane, wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, bags under the eyes that are so big they could pack enough clothes for a three week vacation, a cigarette wobbling from your bottom lip as you squint against the sunlight, passing out on a stranger’s rooftop, placing sunglasses over the eyes of a biology lab skeleton, gangling around the place like shaggy minus his scooby snacks, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects

about tha Bitch:

born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n san fran a lot

jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super Liberal n Au Naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the ONE time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was born

they just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like What The Hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do

spoiler alert: tht didn’t work out

they were ok to him like they weren’t fully Bad bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plans. pretty absent n irresponsible. they literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they properly knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just Didn’t Care the way parents shd. they lost his birth certificate n dnt remember what they put as his middle name so he’s jst kind of like hmmmm............. n gives himself a diff one every time ppl ask. past variations hv included: jude pauly hayward, jude maureen hayward, jude van winkle hayward. says all of these w a very straight face

despite this he does hv some nice memories w them. usually he definitely sees them fr holidays. frm being rly young their christmas tradition hs been to get a bunch of chinese food like a Banquet Feast n spend all day smoking n drinking into the early hours. perhaps not the healthiest or most responsible bt 😔 jude rly likes it it’s kind of the one time of yr he feels he has a proper family

they r both suuuuper into the arts. rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a successful gallery in sheffield n san fran

(trauma tw) as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n sometimes pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his ACTUAL parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws being responsible n looking after someone. tbh some of his parents friends were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh. basically they just were Not Nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed bt he also??? has some gd ones..... it was a strange environment bt he’s a survivor

(death n grief tw) he hd to do community service bc he kind of… hd a bit of a breakdown before the funeral of his elderly neighbour who bsically raised him bc her kids rly didnt care abt her they jst wanted her inheritance?? so he… stole the hearse w her casket still in it n ws jst like… drivin around the place sort of… tryin nt to cry…..KJJFHSFKJGHKFG i mean. it isnt funny its actually sad bt :/ in a very bizarre n jude way. he gt caught n taken in fr questioning bt her son kind of realised hw… broken up abt her death jude ws n had a heart n didnt press charges. regardless he stil hd to do community service bc it ws like taken seriously even tho it ws his first proper offence. doin it rly exhausted n depressed him so when he wsnt doin tht he ws just hibernatin in his room……. this ws like 4 months ago nw............ just some fun lore fr u all

bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing he’s jst going fking wild on the keys in a trance...... i mean he’s gd bt… chill

he’s rly sarcastic n so deadpan like he’ll say smthn completely ridiculous bt he’ll say it w his whole chest so sincere.... it’s rly hard to tell when he’s joking or serious honestly. has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably secretly draw them. does NOT share these drawings w the person he hates being openly sentimental. at heart he is jst a very Sad Boy w lots of repressed issues like depression genuinely just does NAT giv him a single break bt he plasters over this w wise cracks n never discusses his emotions ever. he’s actually p decent or at least tries to b. he’s kind of like tht bit in superbad where michael cera gets rly drunk n makes a toast to women like tht energy...........

he has rly bad insomnia so he like never sleeps idk how he’s Alive straight up. please go to bed sir............. he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot

ANYWAY that aside he’s at radcliffe doing art, focusing on fine art like painting is............... the thing he luvs most...... his style is kind of.......... taking normal things n painting w surreal colours.... he likes A LOT of colour in his paintings which is kind of a stark contrast to his personality bc his world’s so.... washed out n grey............ lovs art n philosophy n literature n photography n music.... 

ummMMMMmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges on all his clothes. wandering the streets in plaid pj bottoms n dr martens eating frm a cereal box without care in the world. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a laidback time....... doesn’t rly like when ppl take themselves too seriously........ likes strange ppl thinks the world is mde richer by them n likes when ppl can jst bounce back jokes at him without being like erm. u dont make sense mate. bc frankly he can come up w some strange stuff sometimes.............. talking to him cn b like navigating a dark n bendy road without a flashlight....... 

(drugs tw) once did shrooms n woke up naked in the woods curled up in a pile of leaves. to this day he recounts this as his werewolf transformation. hs no idea hw he ended up there n when ppl r like are u not. concerned jude. tht is so strange? he jst shrugs like.............. dunno....................... suppose i’m jst a werewolf upon occasion. so casual abt it. jst truly does Not care abt most things at all..... almost to the point tht it’s concerning (sometimes way past the point tht it’s concerning too :/)

this is the desc on an aesthetic i mde of his style once n sums it up well!! ‘additionally: too many pairs of trousers, a hideous amount of white t-shirts all somewhat stained with charcoal, a jumper so thinly knit it almost looks sheer, chipped teale nail varnish, a cream corduroy jacket with a cigarette hole singed onto the cuff, vintage wiry reading glasses he almost never wears, a freshly rolled cigarette behind his ear, a thrifted t-shirt with a warped bart simpson wearing a stethoscope with the caption ‘bard knwos cardiology’ and two crops hacked that way with kitchen scissors that he sometimes wears to paint.‘

EXPERT at rolling spliffs like jst. mkes them so precise n neat....... it’s his super power. his fav thing to smoke frm is banana flavour papers.................... linking 2 this he’s like. bad w emotions bt he does try..... once his friend (maggie) ws sad so he brought her a spliff wrapped in grape flavoured paper bc it’s her fav fruit n jst like. wordlessly gave it to her. it’s the thought tht counts.....

PLOTS!!!!!

plays bass in a band which cld b a fun connection to get together??? i picture the music being like surf rock type like........... mac demarco...... bt he also luvs elliott smith n glass animals n the cure n metronomy n neutral milk hotel n talking heads n radiohead n mazzy star n wolf alice...................... idk jst like.... within tht ballpark i suppose i imagine it being................

mayb ppl he shares classes w?????? i’d like someone tht does a similar course n they hang out tgether when it comes to trips fr the module to museums or exhibits or wtever................ they both stand in front of paintings analysing it rly wrong n saying stuff like hmmmmmmmmm....... i do declare i see a, uh..... large phallus protruding from the centre of this image...... moves something in me.......... n some elderly person looking at it besides them is like Ergh. sickened n disgraced. leaves w a brow severely furrowed

someone he smokes w on the moris rooftop late at night when he cnt sleep??? mayb they’re up n cnt sleep either fr whtever reason n it’s become an unspoken kind of ritual where they always clamber out n find each other there n jst wordlessly keep them company

jude is kind of like. protective almost to a fault sometimes........... mayb some guy he’s punched......................... if they hurt someone he cares abt........... typically it wld hv been a girl he ws kind of like. affected by his first relationship bc she had a bad home situation n ever since jst wnts..... to Protect it’s kind of like an automatic instinct ingrained in him nw 😔 all sounds very noble n well bt sometimes it cn b a bit of an escalation i wnt lie

perhaps a few hook-ups??? jude doesn’t tend to sleep w ppl he rly knows bc he just..... likes it to b an impersonal thing doesn’t like getting attached fr various reasons so mayb they only kno each other via this OR mayb he bent his rules a bit..... cld either work seamlessly or hv added drama if one side hs mre feelings or whtever

currently living in moris w 2 roommates bt i’d love some neighbours perhaps..... mayb someone tht lives directly nxt door to his room n is like ://// bc he plays music loud n weeds always drifting frm his window n mking their room smell if theirs is open too................. or mayb they get on..... mayb there’s a rly mean seagull tht lands on a branch n poos on pedestrians n they both commentate on it frm their windows like david attenborough...... they’re like he’s at it again. they’ve named him n everything

HONESTLY anything if u have an idea hmu i’d love 2 hear it.......... rubs my hands tgether in excitement to plot up a storm w u all

[dragimal]

How different are the crybaby characters compared to the characters in the manga? I haven't been able to watch it since I only have hulu and amazon prime.

(if u ever wanna watch it I could maybe try to set up a rabb.it for anyone interested and mooch my roommate’s netflix for a few viewing events. big maybe tho, I haven’t had a lot of personal time lately, and I don’t see that changing soon..)

for my own convenience I’m gonna try to do a compare/contrast list (+ personal “ideal” versions b/c why not). also, I must repeat my disclaimer that it’s been a minute since I read the og manga so some details may be warped by my memory

Ryo:

OG pre-Satan: 

environmentalist, conspiracy theorist, flips wildly between completely neutral/dead-pan and hysterical (which could be for any emotion– he could be hysterically happy, hysterically mad, etc.). he’s not the best strategist and often makes snap decisions (ex– doesn’t super give a shit abt blowing his cover, as long as he can make a clean/quick getaway). his “sacrifice the few for the many” approach is questionable, but ultimately logical in a battle for the survival of humanity as a whole. more likely to seriously injure than outright murder people. pretty desperate to keep Akira by his side. he’s basically the right image below

OG post-Satan: 

they actually face their mistakes and realize that by trying to wipe out humans, they turned into a version of the God they opposed, ultimately trying to wipe out a whole race of beings that deserve to live as much as anyone else, despite their faults. this is ultimately a lesson on Satan’s hubris, and lends to a thematically satisfying (and soul-crushing) ending

(x)

Crybaby pre-Satan: 

basically cool/collected throughout, with very few moments where he loses his cool (or has much emotion at all, really). seems like he knows what he’s doing most of the time, and most of his decisions seem to have a far-reaching goal that was planned ahead. indiscriminately kills everyone who poses even the slightest threat to his plans, despite the fact that his plans are supposedly for the sake of humanity. doesn’t seem super attached to Akira, beyond using Akira for his goals. basically the left image above

Crybaby post-Satan: 

Akira apparently taught Satan that love exists and is good? idk, the whole point of the OG plot was that Satan’s love of the demons pushed them to hate humanity. I think this is actually the main structural change that ruins the entire demon/Satan-revenge arc of Crybaby irreparably, b/c basically everything falls apart if Satan doesn’t feel any love or even obligation to the demons. like, if Satan doesn’t love demons already, then what’s even the point? as can be seen by the lack of cohesion/logic in anything Satan or their lackeys do, Crybaby clearly doesn’t know either. it’s also not a super effective approach when u can’t actually feel the love Satan/Ryo apparently has for Akira, and have to have it spelled out in the last 5 minutes of the series :/

Ideal Ryo: 

OG Ryo, in all respects (aesthetics, personality, etc.). tho I do like Crybaby’s puffy white coat, that’s 100% fashion-disaster OG Ryo

Akira:

OG pre-Amon: 

very skittish– will avoid confrontation as much as possible, but will still stick around to protect those he cares abt, even if he’s scared shitless. wary of weird stories abt demons, and rightfully questions their validity

OG post-Amon:

(edited w/ thessaliah’s input)

fiercely protective of humans until he realizes the atrocities they’re committing against themselves and devilmen, at which point he completely denounces humanity. thus, shows a strong sense of justice over forgiveness

Crybaby pre-Amon: 

obliviously cheerful and trusting– I’m legitimately not sure if he’s actually brave or just too dense to recognize danger as it comes. doesn’t question weird stories abt demons, and is ready to step right into the frying pan w/ barely an ounce of information beforehand

Crybaby post-Amon: 

(edited w/ thessaliah’s input) 

cries a lot, which I think is a nice visual metaphor for his inner humanity. much more forgiving of humanity, even when he sees humans at their worst.

Ideal Akira: 

personality-wise, I’d have to say OG, particularly for pre-Amon. while Crybaby pre-Amon is kinda cute in his obliviousness, I prefer the Akira who will knowingly jump into danger for those he loves, despite how scared he is. + I was so mad when Crybaby Akira didn’t question ANYTHING abt Ryo’s demonic explanations, like wtf dude u just swallowed that shit hook line and sinker, huh? 

on reflection, I also prefer OG post-Amon, b/c I think it’s a lot more soul-crushing to see this ~largely~ idealistic character finally finally get worn down to the point of just giving up on those he was trying to protect. Crybaby’s overly-idealistic approach isn’t necessarily bad, but I do think it smooths out Akira’s rough edges a bit too much for my liking. tho Crybaby def has a leg-up thematically when it comes to the crying, I love that so much

aesthetically I could go for either, but I think I’d ideally love the look of everything Crybaby Akira + OG sideburns/mullet lmfao

Miki:

OG: 

prideful as a personality trait, thus takes any slight as a personal offense. unashamed, but simultaneously defensive of her abilities (namely has some internalized misogyny in the beginning, which she eventually overcomes). impulsive and somewhat socially dense, which leads her to being unintentionally harsh in situations where she thinks she’s trying to enact “tough love”. could be read as (obnoxiously) selfish in situations where she wants Akira to fit her standards, and doesn’t question his changed state (and more importantly, doesn’t miss the ‘old Akira’)

Crybaby: 

proud of her accomplishments, but not necessarily defensive of her position– she’s secure enough in her abilities to not feel threatened. thoughtful of those around her and what they may be going through. possibly too trusting, considering the whole situation w/ her agent. actually seems aware and somewhat wary of Akira’s changed state, even if she does like it

Ideal Miki: 

this one’s tough b/c as much as I hate OG Miki and Akira’s relationship, there are certain negative traits that I think give OG Miki a more dynamic character than Crybaby. like OG’s socially dense, unintentionally harsh approach is p interesting to see, esp if it’s highlighted as a point of growth for her. of course, I want to completely trash the way OG Miki treats Akira in terms of throwing him into dangerous situations and harshly criticizing his pre-Amon character, but I wouldn’t necessarily mind seeing her sometimes harshly criticize Akira’s decisions in a way that is clearly framed as her trying to help Akira (even if it isn’t necessarily the most ideal approach). I also love OG Miki’s bubbly, unashamed personality, which is a gr8 contrast to her harsh approach to social situations

as for Crybaby, I fuckin ADORE Miki’s relationship w/ Miko, which I think only works the way it does b/c Crybaby Miki is securely proud, not defensively prideful like OG. plus, OG Miki’s defensive pride is p damn annoying to me, ESPECIALLY her internalized misogyny, god I want that completely trashed. yeah, OG eventually grows past the misogyny, but it feels less like satisfying character development, and more like a relief, like, “oh thank god she ain’t pullin’ that shit anymore” 

I suppose, given all this, my ideal Miki is one that combines OG’s social harshness/denseness (to a logical/understandable degree), bubbly temperament, and impulsiveness, with Crybaby’s secure pride in her abilities and actual physical prowess (+ Crybaby’s love of cats, which is adorable and relatable)

Miko:

OG: 

tbh I had to look her up again b/c I completely forgot her arc/personality. idk if that’s on her actually being a boring character, or if it’s just the fact that her arc was dropped in the middle of all the other wild bullshit of the main plot wayyyy at the end of the series

anyways, she’s a former delinquent trying to reform herself, but her old gang/posse won’t leave her alone, and she’s all stressed out over being half-demon. I don’t remember her personality necessarily being affected by the demon, which is kinda odd. also her demon form is some tiddy/pussy-volcano ridiculousness

Crybaby: 

it’s worth noting that the actual, literal OG Miko makes a very brief appearance in Crybaby as one of the half-demon test subjects held captive by scientists– volcano-tits and all. personally, I count this as OG Miko’s actual Crybaby counterpart, but for the sake of comparing important characters, I’ll be comparing OG Miko to main Crybaby Miko since they share a name and an actual arc in each respective series

Crybaby Miko is insecure and wants so very badly to prove herself to others, especially Miki. this is especially potent considering Miko’s actual name is Miki, but she’s forced to stick with Miko as a name b/c Miki’s popularity/prowess overshadows any other potential Miki. post-demon, this jealousy manifests itself as an insatiable competitive streak, as Miko now has the ability to not only reach Miki, but surpass her level. Miko eventually realizes that at least part of her insecurity was misplaced affection for Miki. thus, part of Miko’s desire to be on the same playing field as Miki was so she could feel worthy of potentially dating her. also, Miko’s demon form is some kinda spider creature

Ideal Miko: 

just b/c of her personal/thematic connection to Miki, I’d have to vote Crybaby Miko for almost all traits. I rly love her arc in Crybaby, and she’s a lot more personally connected to the plot than OG Miko is (considering OG Miko appears super late in the game, and barely interacts w/ Devilman). 

though I do like the idea of a former delinquent trying to reform herself– it might be kinda interesting to integrate that into Crybaby Miko. maybe have her be a delinquent before she met Miki (I can’t remember how long they knew each other in Crybaby, but I’m thinking maybe have Miko be a middle school delinquent, then a reformed high-schooler). it might be especially interesting to see how Miko struggles to restrain a delinquent side that was used to getting what she wanted, then have it all fall apart when she’s merged with a demon 

Crybaby Miko is also more interesting aesthetically, in all her forms (human, devilman, and demon). I’m esp super gay for her devilman form, while her full-demon form is such a huge improvement on tiddy-volcanoes. I do like OG’s hat tho, I wish Crybaby could have OG’s hat

Bullies/Rappers:

OG:

a little fuzzy on the details of these guys as well, but I mostly remember their overall arc

in the OG, these guys are straight-up bullies/delinquents, and aren’t there to fuck around. at first, they’re extremely aggressive towards Akira and Miki, and straight-up threaten to rape Miki. later on, once Akira gains their respect (and the world starts goin to shit), they become reliable, rough-around-the-edges friends, and try to protect Akira and Miki as much as they can

Crybaby:

these guys seem like harmless, disenfranchised rappers. they could be read as dangerous when they first approach Miki, but I honestly don’t think they would have done anything even if Ryo hadn’t intervened– I think they were just trying to scare her. Kukun in particular plays a significant role in Miko’s arc (however brief). they all rap about the hardships and injustices of society in a way that fits p well w/ the plot

Ideal bullies:

I rly love the OG bullies for how they go from aggressively antagonistic to aggressively protective of Akira and Miki. however, I rly hate exactly how aggressive they start out (namely, their willingness to straight-up rape Miki), which kinda sours their connection to Akira/Miki later on. it’s, uh, hard to forget something as serious as that, even when the ppl in question do seem to have changed some

as for Crybaby, I rly love how the rappers are a misfit group that makes comments abt society at large as the story progresses. + the rapping itself is p damn entertaining. I also, of course, adore Kukun’s relationship w/ Miko

it’s hard to say which I like more, but I’d def have to cut legitimate rape threats from the OG characters to truly appreciate them. as a way of merging some of their best traits, it might be interesting to see the stakes raised w/ the Crybaby rappers, and have them carry knives and make actual threats against Miki/Akira’s safety at first (again, w/o the rape threat,,), only to find out later it’s just a facade they put up for their own safety (but still won’t back down if they actually ARE up against trouble)

closing comment I guess

I think those are all the characters I feel like talking abt. I could talk abt other characters who got some significant changes (like Miki’s parents, or Akira’s parents), but I didn’t feel any particular way abt them in the OG or Crybaby, so they’re not rly worth my personal time ¯|_(ツ)_/¯

[kitto-toberu-sa]

Sailor Moon Musical - Le Mouvement Final

So on the 23rd of October I went to Aichi to see the Sailor Moon musical~ Our bus arrived at 6am, so we spent the day chilling and checking out the Pokemon Centre and the poor selection of Digimon items at Kiddyland…

From Nagoya, it took an hour and a half by train to get to the venue, Ai Plaza Toyohoshi. We were cutting it really close (missed a train), but managed to power walk there in time. Thankfully goods were being sold in the break and after the show.

Unfortunately, the venue was dead.

The first floor is S tickets (8000 yen), the top floor is A tickets (6000 yen?). A third of the first floor was occupied, with a smattering of seats in the top part.

I feel so bad for all the cast and crew. It must have been really awkward to be singing to a bunch of empty seats. I’m not sure how much this was promoted, but having the venue so far out of the city really didn’t help things.

Personally, I had wanted to go to see the show in Osaka, but thanks to Aichi not being sold out, we ended up having really amazing seats ;; We were ninth row from the stage and I was on an aisle seat. It was seat 29, and I was going fight my friend for seat 30 (lucky number lol) but I’m glad I didn’t.

The show itself is explanatory. It’s the finale of the manga.

The start with Mamoru half proposing was wonderful. You could feel the audience’s hearts getting excited for Usa. It was obviously much more condensed than the manga, which I was thankful for. It gave us time to jump straight into things; however, the cute dance between Mamo and Usa at the start was really nice!

Chibi-usa was gone from the start, instead of leaving part way through. Ami is the one to notice something is wrong with Usagi, rather than Minako. Iron Mouse isn’t killed straight up either. She’s able to go back to Galaxia, say she’ll do better next time and gets a reprieve after having her butt handed to her. We get a rift in the four Galaxy Sailors here.

(Honestly, Seiren and Crow can step on me any day of the god damn week)

Chibi Chibi is insanely adorable. I am honestly not a fan of small children, don’t want kids and always ??? at people when they try to coo and tell me how cute their munchkin is. But damn. This kid was cute. It didn’t feel fake sweet or like she was out of place.

I also really enjoyed the scene where the girls are trying to figure out whats up with the Lights. Minako mentions they might be chicks. Setsuna has chibi faces of them on a white board. “….then they’d wear mini skirts if they were scouts…” A fight ensures as she tries to fuku them up, while Minako and Makoto are mortified haha

Usagi being forced to remember what happened to Mamo happened straight after Mercury and Jupiter dying, so it was very raw. I don’t think Venus’ loss really had as much of an impact. Rei’s did. For me, at least. Rei’s always been my number one girl, but her last thing she said was ‘sorry we couldn’t protect you’. I think it says a lot about her character, especially when most other people just said ‘Usagi’.

Usagi has a dream where everyone is alive and Mamo’s a chef and it’s all just very pure and sweet and then she wakes up and everyone’s still dead  The scene in front of the door was sufficiently eerie. I think Usagi’s wavering and ChibiChibi’s innocence helped this scene a lot as well.

At one point after the interval, Galaxia is singing. She walks down the aisle, right next to me. HO DAMN! Even with those stupid coloured lips she’s amazing! Her performance was one of the best, even when she was speaking, her expressions and pose said it all.

Kakyuu’s death was touching. As was the Lights. The problem with this arc is that everyone dies. Done in a weekly anime or manga, it’s probably more emotional, but losing 10+ characters in under three hours makes it a little less so. In saying that, I cried a couple of times lmao It was nice that there weren’t as many Senshi tho. This isn’t Oprah folks.

The scene where everyone is resurrected was great. The song was powerful, the girls looked bad ass. Wonderful. 100/10. Chibi Chibi talking to Chibi Moon was also really good. And of course, when she transformed as well. Everything about her is just stunning. Her outfit was perfect, she was perfect, 100% would cry over again.

I also really like how it discusses all the past enemies. They put up images of all the old enemies, up to Galaxia, on a sheet that came down in front of the stage. It gave it a warped feeling, and kinda made it more space like. Unlike the manga, the musical goes more into detail about who Cosmos is. Same about the whole siblings thing.

The wedding scene was really cute. I’m not sure if it happened in all versions, but Minako said she’d definitely get married next. Of course, Rei is the one that catches the bouquet ;;

Once everything is finished, The End comes up on the screen. They also do a montage of the previous musicals from this run. A lot of the audience was emotional. I only saw last year’s and this year’s live, but it’s super nostalgic. Afterwards, they did the usual performance stuff, mixed with songs from previous musicals as well. Yuuga was both Tuxedo Mask and King Endymion. She teases the audience so well I can't deal with her.

There was a point Yuuga came down the aisle. Yes, right next to me. We made eye contact. I squealed and leaned into my friend after she passed. The crowd was losing it. At one point a dude behind me asked his SO ‘…that’s a dude right?’ and the SO just scoffed ‘no’.

I’ve always understood Yuuga’s appeal, but it never clicked with me personally. But nine rows from her? I get it. Even my friend, who is a as straight as an arrow, went wow a few times. God bless Yuuga.

My heart’s still racing <3

It would have been nice to see the Crows in their true form. And get to see more of the girls going back to their own castles and stuff, but what can you do? Considering the time frame, they got through a heck of a lot of this arc, and there’s only so much they can do with budget constraints. Aichi certainly did not help in that. I’m honestly not sure why they didn’t make tickets cheaper and just give those that had pre booked an extra bonus or something (as it is we got cute post cards)

This musical had a really nice balance of comedy and seriousness. It felt quite real. The directorship was really good. Some of the songs were repeated from earlier musicals. Considering they were some of my faves, I’m not complaining.

The cast was excellent, as always. Thanks to the seats, I was able to see in so much more detail and was able to make lots of eye contact with the cast haha! Uranus completely stole my heart with her gaze <3

At one point I was signing up to buy the dvd. Unfortunately I didn’t ask if I could pay later (has happened other times I preorder these dvds). She didn’t confirm that with me either. So I filled out the form only to tell her I didn’t have the cash (how much money do they expect people to have on them?? Most people were spending at least 3000 on goods (many were spending more) so they expected you to have at least 20,000 ($200) on you for one musical? That’s ridiculous). She was honestly really fucking rude and basically snatched the form out of my hands and tossed it in the trash. The staff at Osaka were so much nicer.

The guys at the door were cool, and a lady was sitting in our seat. I didn’t want to cause a scene so we went to a staff member and asked to be guided to our seat (obviously he then mentioned the other chick was in the wrong seat). There was a surprising amount of foreigners, considering how few people were actually there ;; Someone I knew actually saw me but I didn’t see them haha ;;; The fans were really nice.

Except for that old fucker who felt asleep and started snoring before the interval. Fuck him. (There was a lot of old people there? Like I’m talking 55+?? Why)

Anyway, as we left, walking back to the station, a lady cut in front of us. It was one of the actresses! She had track pants with an off the shoulder white shirt, which I thought was a little odd, but then I saw she still had the shoes on. I’m still trying to figure out who she is. We didn’t approach her – she had headphones in, and kept glancing around to make sure people weren’t following her. That’s one reason why crowds are kicked out so quickly here – this is the third time I’ve seen cast leave. Depending on the area/fame, they’ll walk or taxi out of the venue, so the chance of them being spotted and harassed is pretty high. The faster the crowds are gone, the safer it is for them. In any case, I hope she enjoyed whatever she bought lol

I enjoyed it! If I lived closer I’d go see it again. I heard other people say the same. My friend was surprised by how professional it was. She really enjoyed it! I recommend seeing it if you can! If not, please support it officially where possible. Also, if you have any questions feel free to ask! This isn’t as in depth as normal, sorry ;;