#those lines tear me apart what a fucking fantastic song

[joanofarc]

lovelost, motifs (2022).

there’s a picture of you i found you’re sitting in the snow (with the woman you loved) i think about the world you saw before me

[daenerys-targaryen]

okay first hello! i totally forgot about the fanvids! way down we go is THE beth song now you're so right. ugh she's just so !!!!!!! "i want his fucking grandchildren on welfare" heLLO?? "I AM THREATENING THE WHOLE FUCKING STATE" GET HIS ASS. honestly i don't think i've watched a fanvid since i was in my supernatural brainrot era of 2014 (also also!!! omgg your voice clip was adorable i love how excited you are). aaaa shit i'll send a part 2 for the second video

I’m glad you saw my post, I didn’t know if you would !! 🤗

no cause that whole video genuinely makes me feel like this AAAAH it has some of her absolute best lines the editor of both of these videos put so much cunt into them GOD

you ever hear the saying.. (off to ruin a life!) (THEE CUNT!!!) wherever something good is trying to happen, something bad is trying to stop it? I’m something bad”

“you are the trailer park I am the tornado” GOT ME LIIIKKKEEEE

“she can be evil; and evil’s what I need right now”

And her whole speech to Jaime… “You know one day Jaime, someone will love you. And you’ll love somebody. And I can’t wait to take that from you. Even if I have to kill it with my bare hands; I will take it from you”

GET HHHHIIIIMMM!! I could talk in circles about it forever just so good ugh

Omg supernatural brainrot in 2014 same! I love fanvideos and always will 🤧 but it’s funny I wasn’t even searching for those videos either I was just browsing on YouTube and since I had been watching her scenes they were recommended to me and I’m so glad that they were because brainrot central I swear to god

And about the voice clip, DHANJSWJEJEJ, I mean you can HEAR how excited I was because firstly I don’t really ever listen to the radio unless I’m bored of my own music playlist (rarely happens) and I was just driving on my way to work and I think my mom happened to have the audio turned to fm and IT JUST STARTED PLAYING THE SONG LIKE ?? MY GIRLS SONG ??? Devine fate or whatever WE’RE CONNECTED!! the universe said hey girl heeeeyy 😚 but yes I was screeching literally such an iconic thing to happen to me (I’m SO easy to entertain dishdhaheh)

forgot to sign off the last oops. bottom of the river video SLAAAAPPS! the synced rip and kayce "you come fight me" has be howwwlliiiiiing. i love how this editor knows exactly what to do. yes ughhh fantastic. chef's kiss. my housemate wants to spread out watching season 5 but i might watch ahead. we can rewatch later??? i'll bring him around lol. SEASON 4 THOUGH beth rip and the kid make me cry all the time i love them so damn much. i LOVE jimmy's development i'm so proud of my boy!!! - ys anon

Like I said the editor of these videos really knows what they’re doing because good lord they’re so WELL DOOONNNNEEE WAAAAHH not only the synced kayce and rip part but also where they had Thomas Clearwaters / Gil Birmingham’s voice “to carry the wolf is a burden. he is the hunter most hunted” OVER MONICA AND TATE BEING HUNTED AAAAAAGHH so good SO GOOD! and overlaying Beth saying Rip will tear Jaime apart with his bare hands (they’re soulmates btw) on top of all the scenes of him killing people hsjdjsjdjsj SO GOOD help me I have literal brainrot

HAHAHA omg noooooo you cooould be bad and watch ahead 🤭 what’s stopping you!!! yes I loved their little family in season 4 🥺 AND JIMMY BOY IS A REAL COWBOY NOW LETS GOOOOO I like his fiancée much better than Mia let’s be real andjsjbdjs I have a soft spot for him for sure 💖💖💖

[littlewalken]

Feb 2

Today's ear worm- She's Like the Wind by Patrick Swayze mixed with a bit of Here You Come Again by Dolly Parton. Don't ask how it happens, it just does.

Someone find out if any of the Ghoulettes from Ghost have heard the original Pandora's Box version of It's All Coming Back to Me because I can definitely see Cumulus doing it.

Hastag look up the original versions of songs Celine Dion covered because they're fucking fantastic start with Jennifer Rush.

And it's not like The Cure of Dave Gahan covering Lover Will Tear Us Apart Again, they both know how to sing it, it's more of a Every Breath You Take is not a wedding song you stupid bitch those of us who remember hearing the original Power of Love know what I'm talking about.

And it's confirmed Perry Bamonte and Vince Clarke saw The Cure in 1980 shortly after Mathieu and Simon joined so there is a very high probability at least once Perry pretended to be Simon playing A Forest and he's known how to play the bass line for 40+ years.

Did play around with oil pastels and turpentine.

First off I haven't oil painted since the first Obama administration, and when I was oil painting it wasn't something I did all that often, I never saw myself using it as a main medium, and long story short I am reminded why. Still I'm going to mess around, I bought a pack of small canvases I can alway cover with acrylic pour paint.

Second off if you want a less messy way to oil paint by all means try this. You need a set of oil pastels, canvas or at least canvas paper (or something you can put oil pastels on), a couple of brushes, and turpentine. Color directly on the surface, use the turpentine to blend. Be sparing with the turpentine because it will thin the crap out of the oil.

It does dry faster than traditional oils, the coating is far thinner, but behaves just enough to give you an idea of how they behave.

And I am thinking this could be very similar to how a decent gouache might work but I currently don't have any as my last batch was cheap and shitty. Being a water medium I want to invest in a decent set.

Come get y'all's Spectrum Noir pencils and King Art Studio kit they both became redundant in the 'I just have too many pencils I'm not using' way.

[the-iceni-bitch]

Every Little Thing

Pairing: Colin Shea x fem!Reader

Words: ~4.3k

Summary: You and Colin are two slutty pea in a pod neighbors, but maybe you could be more?

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (fingering, f receiving oral sex, unprotected vaginal sex), idiots in love, excessive alcohol consumption, SMUT!!! 18+ ONLY!!!!

A/N: Ugh, I love Colin and I can’t believe it took me so long to write him. Before I get a bunch of notes about it, they’re gonna realize their feelings eventually but it might take a couple fics because they’re both morons, but they’re pretty morons so it’s fine 😉

Check out my masterlist and join my taglist if you want!!!

Divider by @firefly-graphics

Oh god, what the fuck was that noise? Why was your phone ringing at 8 AM on a fucking Sunday?

You picked up the offensive object and growled when you got a look at the caller ID.

“Colin, it’s Sunday morning, this had better be really good. I didn’t get home until 4 AM.”

“She won’t fucking leave.” He hissed over the line. “She wants to go out for waffles.”

“I fail to see how this is my problem.” You grumbled, rolling over onto your back and flinging your arm over your eyes. “Just ditch her at the fucking waffle place.”

“C’mon, Y/N, that’s like a second date. What about our deal?” That fucking deal, he definitely benefitted more from it than you did.

“You’re an asshole.” You mumbled, sitting up with an exhausted groan. “Gimme 5 minutes.”

“You’re the best!” You could hear the fucking grin in his voice and rolled your eyes at him.

“Yeah, I fucking know.” You didn’t wait for him to confirm before you hung up on him, stretching your whole body as you moved to put on some clothes.

It only took you a few minutes to pull on some old jeans and a sweatshirt and then you were stomping across the hall to Colin’s apartment, determined to make this as uncomfortable as possible for him. 

“Colin Shea!” You pounded on the door viciously. “This is your wife! I found your little love nest! What hooker do you have in there now?”

You couldn’t help but grin to yourself as you heard a commotion from inside, someone was cursing up a storm and you were pretty sure you heard a couple of slaps.

“I can hear you in there.” You tried to make it sound like you were on the verge of tears. “What about Colin Junior? I’m not raising that baby on my own, you bastard!”

The door slammed open and a very angry looking woman stormed out, shooting a glare over her shoulder and calling Colin a motherfucker as she scurried down the stairs. He came rushing after her with a frustrated look on his face, rubbing the side of his jaw and scowling when he got a look at the shit eating grin on your face.

“My wife?” He asked incredulously, grabbing his hoodie and pulling it over his naked torso as you just continued laughing at him. “That was kinda mean.”

“8 AM on a Sunday, Shea.” You booped his nose with your finger and winked at him before turning to head back to your place. “You wake me up before 10 AM on a weekend and you take what you can get. I’m going back to bed.”

“Wait, Y/N, don’t you wanna have breakfast or something?” He jogged after you, ignoring the glower you shot him as you opened your door. “I’ll make you my famous eggs.”

“Did you not hear me when I said I got in at 4 AM?” You frowned at him when he kept you from closing your front door. “Colin, quit being so clingy. If I wanted to have breakfast with some annoying dude I would’ve actually brought that lawyer from last night home.”

“A lawyer, huh?” He was giving you one of those stupid looks that he typically reserved for girls he was trying to bang but that he definitely knew didn’t work on you. “And that didn’t even do it for you.”

“I mean, I still rode that beard for a good hour, but he was super depressing.” You kept knocking your door against his foot with an annoyed air. “Which is why I need to sleep, so get out of my fucking doorway.”

“Fine, we’re hanging out later though!” He called as you slammed the door in his face.

You just ripped off your clothes and crawled back into bed, burying your face in your pillows and cursing the sun as you did your best to fall back asleep.

It must have happened at some point, because you woke up six hours later with a mouth full of cotton and absolutely drenched in sweat. Why was it so fucking hot?

The pillow case tried to come with your face when you rolled out of the bed and you threw it away from you with a huff as you padded to inspect your air conditioner. 

It wasn’t on. You knelt in front of it and whined as you tried flicking it off and on and nothing happened. This could not be happening, not with summer just about to start. It was supposed to be in the 90s today. No matter what you tried, it didn’t turn on. Granted, all you tried was unplugging it and plugging it back in, but that always worked with your computer.

The call to the repair company was no luck, they were closed for the weekend. This was going to suck, you fucking hated being hot. You moved to your kitchen to try to find some way to cool off after opening every damn window in your place to hopefully get some kind of air circulation going.

That’s when you spotted it. 

The frozen margarita machine you had bought on an absinthe fueled online shopping spree and never gotten around to returning. It was like a little miracle right there in your kitchen, designed to help you cool off and get drunk so you could forget about how fucking hot it was while you did the week’s worth of chores you had been procrastinating.

You hummed happily when that first gulp of frozen tequila goodness slid down your throat, and maybe you shouldn’t have chugged the whole thing but who fucking cared, it was hot. Time flew by as you downed those things like it was your fucking job, scrubbing your pots and pans and singing little songs to yourself.

Music started drifting through your open windows but you barely registered it even as you started singing along because it was Queen and how could you not.

It was the third time you had filled that margarita machine and you were feeling fantastic, dancing around your kitchen as you continued cleaning your dishes. Whoever was playing music was still going strong and you began belting when they started doing Seven Seas of Rhye.

“You are mine, I possess you, I belong to you foreveeeEEER!”

“Hey, Y/N!”

Your badass high note devolved into a shriek and you turned to chuck the cup you were holding at the intruder on the fire escape, cursing when you saw it was Colin. He managed to duck out of the way at the last second with a muttered fuck and you sighed as you watched your mug sail over his shoulder.

“Fuck, Shea, that was my favorite mug!” You pouted, stamping your foot a little and taking another gulp of your margarita. “What the fuck are you doing on my fire escape?”

He gave you a stupid cocky grin as he watched to try to lean on one hand on your counter and almost go down when you missed it at the last second.

“Are you drunk, honey?” Fuck him for calling you honey, that wiley asshole. “We could hear you singing from the roof.”

“I’m just a little buzzed.” You hiccupped. “Who’s we?”

“My band.” He crawled into your apartment and caught you when you tripped over your own feet again, still grinning at you like an idiot. “The ones you were singing along with.”

“That was your band?” You had never realized how blue his eyes were. “You guys sound great!”

“Yeah, you sound pretty good yourself.” He grabbed the cup you were holding and gave it a sniff, coughing a little before he set it on the counter. “Maybe you should come hang out with us instead of drinking what I think is blended jet fuel and ice all by yourself.”

“If I’m gonna hang out with you guys I think I should bring a pitcher of margs.” He was really fucking pretty, had you noticed that before? “Don’t wanna be a bad hostess.”

“Oh, baby, you’re wasted.” He tucked a stray lock of hair behind your ear and you felt your chest flutter a little bit. “No more margs for you. Come sing with us while you sober up. No, no.” He pulled you back when you tried to crawl out the window and started dragging you towards your door. “Ladder doesn’t really seem like a good idea right now, let’s take the stairs.”

You tossed your head back as you laughed, slapping his chest while you leaned heavily on him and let him guide you through the hall and to the stairs to the roof. Those were some firm pecs, you were a little marvelled at the way your palm just bounced right off so you slapped it again.

“Wow.” It was like your hand was moving independently from your brain as you gave him a pretty brazen squeeze. “Your tits are fantastic, Colin.”

“Holy shit, Y/N!” He was laughing hysterically when he shoved the door to the roof open. “Your drunk game is on point sweetie. Guys, this is Y/N, the killer vocals you heard from downstairs. She’s a little tipsy.”

They introduced themselves and you promptly forgot all of their names, your hand trailing down Colin’s chest until you could press it against his abs. This was getting weird, it’s not like you hadn’t seen him naked before. But seeing and touching were apparently two very different things.

“We still doing Queen, boys?” You said, finally tearing your eyes away from Colin after poking him in the bellybutton and grinning when he made a noise like the Pillsbury doughboy. “Cos I’m good with whatever.”

“What about some Journey?” He slung his SG over his shoulder and watched you carefully as you grabbed the mike one of his bandmates was handing you. “You wanna sit down, hon?”

“Don’t call me hon, sweetheart.” You teased, giving him a wink and tapping the mike a couple of times. “I’ll be fine. Journey feels a little basic but ok. Faithfully or Lovin’ Touchin’ Squeezin’?”

That grin he gave you should not have been affecting you like this, maybe you did have too many margaritas. The bassist started playing the opening riff to Lovin’ Touchin’ Squeezin’ and your grin got even wider, your hips moving to the beat as you kept your eyes on Colin. You laughed happily when he joined in with the guitar part, joining in after the piano had done its thing and losing yourself in the music.

He could not take his eyes off of you, he was pretty sure you’d never been this fucking cheerful around him before. Not that you were especially grumpy or anything, or that your typical dry wit didn’t immediately endear you to him. But seeing you with that goofy grin as you sang every fucking Journey song they had in their roster until the sun set was not helping the already prodigious crush he had on you. 

Now the two of you were sitting on the couch he had dragged up there months ago and watching his bandmates pack up their gear, saying goodbye to each of them as they headed down the stairs and left you two to lean against each other and sigh happily. You had your legs flung over his lap as he plucked at his guitar strings lazily, kicking your feet slowly and leaning back on the sofa as you watched him closely and sipped on a bottle of water.

“You ever do any actual performing, honey?” He asked, his fingers running over your calf absentmindedly. “Cos with that voice you could probably line up some gigs.”

“Just karaoke.” You murmured. You were definitely sobering up now, but you were still hyper aware of his hands on your skin and it was giving you some feelings you weren’t totally sure about. “Lemme see that thing.”

“What?” He gave a little huff when you grabbed the neck of his guitar and pulled it into your lap. “Baby, do not tell me you play.”

“I mean, it’s been a little while, but I think I remember a couple chords.” You gave him another grin and his chest started to hurt.

“Jesus, a couple chords?” He laughed to cover the absolutely filthy sound he almost made when you started playing, it was like he had made you on a computer. “Honey, that’s Led Zeppelin.”

“Yeah, but it’s easy Zeppelin.” You teased, turning your body so you could lean against his chest and not missing the low rumble you felt when you tucked your head against his shoulder. “It’s Coda.”

“Uh-huh.” Being this close to you was doing something to him, he suddenly had the overwhelming urge to smell your hair. 

“Why haven’t we slept together, Col?” Fuck it, you might as well do this.

He choked on the water he was drinking, turning his face so he didn’t spit it all over you as you stopped your playing and grinned at him.

“I seem to remember giving it a good try when you moved in.” He managed to get himself under control and turned his face back to you. “But you said you had a rule about not fucking people who live in the same building as you. Something about not shitting where you eat.”

“That’s about sex with coworkers.” You said, scrunching your face up as you tried to remember what your exact justification had been.

“Which is what I told you.” He tried to scoot away from you but you followed after him. “To which you replied, ‘doesn’t matter, not gonna happen’.”

“Huh, that seems awful short-sighted of me.” You scooted closer again and this time he let you. “C’mon, we’ve fucked almost everyone else in this city, we’d have gotten to each other eventually anyways.”

“Jesus, what a romantic sentiment.” He was trying to focus real hard on his softeners, but they weren’t working with you squirming against him like that. “You really want to do this?”

“I mean, I think we’d enjoy it.” You set his guitar aside and turned so your chest was pressed to his. “It’s not like we’re gonna catch feels, or anything. Just gonna see what all the fuss is about.”

“Right.” Maybe this would get his little crush out of his system. “Let’s not do it on the roof, though.”

“God, no. My place?” You stood up and started heading towards the fire escape.

“Yeah, ok.” He watched you climb down to your apartment before sliding down the ladder after you like the damn frat boy he was.

As soon as he climbed in the window you were dragging him towards you, swallowing his tiny cry of surprise when you pulled his mouth to yours. His lips were unbelievably soft against your own, and when he opened up and stroked your tongue with his? 

Fuck.

“Shit, Colin.” You purred when he started trailing his lips down your throat. “I feel like maybe we should’ve done this sooner.”

“Yeah, maybe.” His voice was muffled as his mouth moved to your chest, one hand moving to hook under the neckline of your camisole and pulling on it until your breasts popped out. “Well fuck me. No wonder you know so much about fantastic tits.”

You laughed at that, arching into his face and grinning down at him as he buried his face between your tits and gazed at you through his lashes. Those stupid, long as all fuck lashes that were brushing against your skin as he mouthed at your soft curves. 

“Jesus, fuck.” You wound your fingers through his hair when he dragged his tongue over your nipple, tugging on it softly and guiding him further into your apartment. “God, you really know how to use that mouth of yours, sweetie.”

“Oh, honey, you don’t even know.” He teased, moving his face back to yours and lifting you to wrap your legs around his waist as he started carrying you towards your bedroom.  “You wanna find out, though?”

“You tease all the girls you fuck this much?” You nipped at his lips and grinned when he moaned into your mouth, reaching behind you to open the door to your bedroom. 

“Nah, that’s just for you, baby.” He cooed, giving you a quick peck on the lips before dropping you on the bed with a huff.

Every place his fingers touched sent a jolt of heat through your body straight to your core, your eyes never leaving his as he started kissing and nipping his way down your torso after pulling your cami over your head. He grinned against your thigh when you moaned after he yanked your shorts down your legs, sucking a soft bruise into your flesh before rubbing his face over your clothed core and inhaling deeply.

You throbbed under his lips as he pressed gentle kisses over the fabric that covered your mound, hooking your legs over his shoulders and trying to grind into him when he tugged at your panties with his teeth and let them snap back into place teasingly. His fingers skimmed up your legs until he could hook them under the band of your panties and drag them off you, sighing heavily when he settled back between your thighs and got a good look at you.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty.” He spread you apart with his fingers and flicked his tongue out to run over your slit softly, moaning when he finally tasted you. 

“I bet you say that to all the girls.” You ran your fingers through his hair and beamed at him, rolling your hips against his face when he sucked your pussy lips into his mouth with a low hum.

Colin chuckled into your cunt at that, pressing gentle kisses all over your soft folds before dragging his tongue over you in a heavy stripe. Your body reacted immediately when he reached your clit, your back arching off the bed and your legs curling around his neck as he repeated the same process but at a much slower pace. 

Two of his fingers slid inside you as he wrapped his lips around your clit and you keened, gripping his hair by the roots and tugging hard when he started stretching you open while his lips drove you wild. The rhythm of his suction and release matched the curling of his fingers inside you and made you want to scream, your free hand reaching above your head and digging hard into your pillow as your body tried to rise off the bed when he brought you right to the edge of your peak right away. 

“Col, Colin, oh fuck.” He felt like your thighs were gonna suffocate him but those sounds you were making for him had him past the point of caring about a silly thing like oxygen. “Oh fuck, I’m gonna come.”

Your whole body seized against his face as you let out a gorgeous fluttering moan, soaking his lips and chin in your release as he hummed with satisfaction into your pussy. He sat up when you finally released him, removing his clothes in a rush as he watched you pant underneath him and run your tongue over your lips. God, you were fucking beautiful, he couldn’t believe he’d waited so long to do this.

Before you had a chance to say anything he was hooking your knee over his elbow and thrusting into you, sheathing himself to the hilt in one smooth motion and releasing his breath in a thin hiss when he felt your satiny walls flutter around him. 

“Ah, fuck, you feel amazing.” He ducked his face to catch your lips with his before pulling back with a groan. “Shit, I forgot a condom. Uh, I’m clean, just got tested last week.”

“God, you’re fine sweetie.” You brought a hand up to cup his jaw and ran a thumb over his cheek in a soothing gesture. “Also clean and I have an IUD, so we’re peachy. I am a little mad at you though.”

“Yeah, why?” He wasn’t too worried, you were still grinning at him as he started moving his hips slowly.

“Well, Jesus, fuck, you’re big.” You almost lost your train of thought when he tilted your hips just a bit and his cock hit you deep. “I usually like to reciprocate oral, sweetie. I barely even got a look at what you’re packing down there.”

“You’ve seen it before.” He groaned when you wrapped your free leg around his hips and rolled your body against his.

“Just glances though.” You gripped his biceps and dug your nails in, biting your lip as he continued dragging his length over every inch of you at an agonizing pace. “And never hard.”

“Honey, there’s no way I’m pulling out for you to take a good look so you’re gonna have to make due.” He teased, grinding against your clit and grinning when your eyes fluttered closed.

“Fine.” You huffed, frowning a little before winking at him. “We’re switching then.”

“What?”

You didn’t answer, just giving him a cocky grin and gripping his hips with your thighs. One quick move and he was under you, a small sound of surprise leaving his lips when you were suddenly straddling his hips and grinning down at him.

“Oh yeah, that’s better.” You placed one palm on the center of his chest and curled your fingers through his chest hair as you rose up on your knees before sinking down again nice and slow, loving the low groan you felt reverberate in his chest when you clenched around him. “Good for you, Col?”

“Yes, yeah, s’ good.” He was completely mesmerized by you, his eyes trailing over your body as you arched your back and continued to ride him. 

The way he was reacting to you was making it hard for you to focus on what you were doing, his eyes soft and relaxed on yours and his bottom lip tucked between his teeth as he slowly moved his hips to meet your own. You could’ve lost yourself in those eyes if you really wanted to.

Shit, none of that.

His fingers started trailing up your sides when he fucked up into you suddenly and he lost it at the way your tits bounced for him, sitting up with a whine and nuzzling into your chest before wrapping his lips around your nipple as he started bucking wildly.

“Shit, fuck, Colin.” He was hitting your cervix with each punch of his hips and it was taking all your self control to not pass out from how hard he was railing you, wrapping your legs around him and dragging your lips over his jaw. “Baby, you’re gonna make me come again.”

“Yeah? Good.” He cupped your jaw and brought your face back to his, tugging at your lips with his teeth while he gazed into your eyes. “I wanna watch your face while you come.”

You kept your eyes open and trained on his, worrying his bottom lip with your teeth and resting your forehead against his as you felt a warm coil gathering in the pit of your stomach. It was like you were falling into those lust blown pools as he took you apart, your lips crashing against his as the coil snapped and you gasped his name into his mouth. 

The feeling of your entire body fluttering around him was too much, and he followed you with a low growl. He muttered your name under his breath as he spilled his cum inside you, holding you close to his chest and rubbing his nose against yours.

You fell on top of him when he collapsed back against the bed, the two of you laughing breathlessly as you tangled your limbs and molded your lips together before pulling back and gazing at each other some more. Both of you lost yourselves for just a beat, your chests heaving against each other’s before disconnecting and rolling off the bed in two opposite directions as you did your best to compose yourselves.

“I’d say you definitely earned all those screams I’ve heard coming from your apartment, Shea.” You teased, trying your best to lighten the mood and not dwell on the desire you had to ask him to spend the night. 

“Yeah, well I’ve always thought so.” He was avoiding looking at you as much as possible, searching the room for his clothes and fighting the urge to pull you back into the bed and snuggle with you. “Have you seen my converse?”

“Yeah, here.” You shoved his shoes at him after pulling an oversized tee over your head. “Well, I’ve got work in the morning, so…”

“Right, I’ll, um, I’ll talk to you later, I guess.” He shuffled towards your front door and pulled it open before leaning back to look at you one more time. “You can join us for band practice any time, by the way.”

“That would be great.” That smile you were giving him made him feel like his heart was going to break. “I promise not to be sloppy drunk next time.”

“Aww, drunk Y/N was pretty fun, but ok.” He winked at you then left in a hurry, slamming the door behind him. 

You fell back on your bed and ran your hands over your face in frustration, hating yourself for coming up with this stupid idea because now all you wanted was to have breakfast with that beautiful idiot tomorrow after sleeping on top of his chest.

“Goddamn it.”

Colin grabbed himself a beer when he got back to his apartment and chugged it, sinking into one of his barstools and considering the fact that he was absolutely not over his crush after everything the two of you had just done.

“Shit.”

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[voltagesmutter]

Behind Amber Eyes

Collaboration between myself the fantastic @stehkotori​

Angst, Smut, Hurt, Love with our two amber loves

It became unbearable to stay in the house, the clear blue lines of the negative test sent waves of sadness through your body, it was tainting you just like it was Gavin. You needed a distraction, something, anything to clear your mind. 

Gavin was acting lately with all seeming ability to not get pregnant was really straining your relationship. It felt like he didn’t want to touch you because he loved you, it was like he was pure fucking you to get you pregnant, he hadn’t even made you cum the last few attempts, you found yourself finishing yourself off out of frustration after he fell asleep. All you wanted, so desperately wanted, was a night of passion and in all honesty you knew you weren't going to get that with your husband.

The heavy scent of alcohol, smoke and sweat flooded your scenes as you entered the live house, the atmosphere instantly bringing you to a comforting feeling, it was almost like your troubles faded and future away as you entered deeper into the crowd. You debated heading to the bar, maybe a beer would help but then again the fertility doctor had said alcohol was not a good idea for when trying for a baby, so you stayed clear. You don’t know what actually brought you to this place, you knew no-one here, or so you thought…

The bass beginning to drift into your ears, pulled your gaze to the lilac haired man who stood tall, strumming away at the song the band was playing. He looked up and his eyes, those beautiful amber eyes that made your core melt, met yours. Shaw…

“So what brings you here?” He asked as he sat on the bar stool next to you, beer in hand.

“I just- I couldn’t be alone,” You meekly smiled, your fingers tapping on the glass of water you had requested.

“Oh right yeah, Gave’s away again isn’t he,” You nodded in response, “Water? Unlike you, you up the duff or something?” He teased, before noticing the broken smile on your face. 

“Quite the opposite actually…” You mumble off, as he places one of his larger hands over yours.

“What's wrong?”.

“I-... We trying and it’s just… nothings working and it’s getting really frustrating you know,” It all comes blurting out, “I don’t even feel like Gavin wants to have sex with me anymore, he’s so worked up over it he literally finishes and just... “. You trail the end of your sentence off, Shaw really didn’t need to hear about your sex life. 

“Leaves you high and dry then fucks off on a mission?” He adds and you nod, “You know… if you were my girl, I would devote my life to pleasuring you”. His words sending heat through your body, the first hint of actual being wanted for the first time in months, it pumped sexual desire through your body. 

“Aha, can you tell your brother that,” You laugh slightly, rolling your eyes.

“I mean it, Bella,” Shaw turned serious for a second, the tone of his voice pulling your gaze to his as he gently clasps his hand over yours, “I would give you everything I had, you’d never see me fucking off for weeks on end on missions, especially when trying to give you the thing you most wanted,”. 

“An orgasm?” You laugh light-heartedly.

“A baby…” His words make your jaw drop ever so lightly as you stared into his amber eyes, the same eyes of your husbands, your chest rising heavily and you felt yourself leaning into his gaze. You quickly stopped when a ping of your phone interrupted you, checking it you saw the words ‘You’re entering your most fertile 48 hour period”, a sad smile appearing. Most fertile and Gavin wasn’t here, once again. Shaw’s other hand came to rest on your cheek as he pulled your gaze back to his, the liquid-honey eyes burning into your soul as he squeezed your hand reassuringly and before you could stop yourself, you felt your lips pressing against his. His lips were soft, warming and comforting, they tasted like the beer he has sipping on, they were also pressing back against yours. Neither of you pulled away as your lips glided over one and others. 

“Let me give you what he can’t, just one night, please,” He pleaded against your lips as he pulled away gently, waiting for your answer as his golden-hued eyes melted your core. You didn’t answer, you couldn’t find words for how you felt, instead you leaned forward one more and pressed another kiss against his lips. 

Lips collided over each other as he pushed you back against his front door, keys fumbling in his pocket to find the door key before finally pushing it open, the two of you stumbling inside as your arms wrapped around each other. Everything you feared, Gavin, the failed fertilization, all of it melted away each time Shaw’s lips found yours. It felt right, it felt natural as if you were secretly made for each other. Gone was Shaw’s cockiness, replaced with the softer slightly maturer side he kept hidden, only for you to unravel slowly piece by piece.

Articles of clothing slowly disappeared, both of you taking the time to admire each other's bodies until both of you stood slightly flushed in just underwear. His arms holding your waist as he brought his lips back to yours in a slow-moving kiss, a kiss that sought closeness in one sensation, one never-ending passionate moment. It made your heart race, having him pressed so closely to your almost naked skin, the intimacy between you growing. 

He slowly brought a hand up over your stomach to mess with your bra strap before gently pulling it off your shoulder, followed by the other before finally reaching behind and undoing it. You let it fall from your body, a light thud on the floor as you brought your hands to rest on his chest. Nothing was rushed, all was at a leisurely sensual pace. He kept his hands on your back as his tongue ran against the edge of your lips. Without a word, you moved your hands to cup his and brought them over your naked breasts, the warmth of his hands sending electric tingles down your spine. His hands worked over your chest before making their way down to your underwear, you being pushed back gently until your knees hit the edge of the sofa, knocking you back gently as you fell onto it. Shaw followed you down, kneeling between your knees as he pushed them apart, settling down between them as he pressed light kisses to your stomach, his fingertips on the hem of your underwear. He pulled them off slowly, pressing kiss down your thighs as he followed his hands, pressing a kiss to your ankle before his eyes met your glistening core. 

“Shaw!” You whimpered, your hands grasping at his hair, your back arching lightly as he pressed gentle kisses against your clit. He ran the flat on his tongue against you, sparks accumulating over your body at the sensation as he delved a finger inside your tight core. He set fireworks off inside you as he responded to everywhere moans and pleasurable whimpers, turning you into putty by his actions, your legs over his shoulder, pushing him closer against you. 

“Ngh~ Shaw!” You cried, tears leaving your eyes as you felt the final explosion release, your thighs shaking as you came against his mouth, your essence trickling down his fingers and knuckles. Your fingertips tugging at the lilac hair loosened and he pulled himself away, licking his lips as he stared up from between your thighs, his half-lidded eyes meeting your hazy gaze.

He moved up your body, his hands moving to your waist as you wrapped your arms around his back, your lips meeting again, the taste of you fresh on his tongue. He pushed you down against the sofa, your legs parting as his body lay flushed against yours, the only article of clothes remaining was his boxers. Trailing your hand down his chest, you pulled them off slowly, your hand moving to wrap around his cock as he hissed slightly at the sensation.

“Don’t,” He mumbled, stopping you in your tracks, was he regretting this?

“You’ll make me...” He flustered slightly, sensing the worry in his eyes, “Tonight is all about you,”. Positioning himself to press against your core, the taffy-golden eyes fixed over yours as he pressed himself into you, moans of pleasure falling from both of your lips. He filled you in a different sense to Gavin, physically and emotionally, his lips pressing repeatedly over your neck as he inched further into you before fully hilted inside you. You experienced pleasure no like other as he thrust slowly into you, your hips rolling against his as his lips made their way to yours. You ran your fingernails down his back as he kept his sensual pace, both of you indulging in the pleasurable bliss, your eyes never breaking their intense gaze. He brought a hand down to your clit, fondling the sensitive nub as he brought you both an earth-shattering release, his name crying your lips as yours fell from his. 

Your blissful night of divine pleasure continued, as you straddled him, riding him to another release. One hand cupped your ass as the other held your lower back, your muscles clenching over him, bringing him to a following release after. Sweet kisses pressed to your shoulder as he took you from behind, one hand gripping yours as he leaned over you, finishing for a third time inside you that night. The sensual night passed by, with no pick up of pace, only deep passion as it left you both in a euphoric state.

Morning slowly crept by and reality sunk in, placing a gentle kiss to his cheek, you dressed and took one last look at the man, peacefully sleeping, who gave you unspeakable pleasure before leaving to return home. A heavenly smile graced your lips as you made your way home before the city awoke, ensuring that no-one saw you leave his apartment as you blissfully strolled home, your heart profoundly beating the lilac haired man who was in deep slumber, unaware you had slipped away from resting body.

Once home, the home you shared with your passionate lover's brother, you pulled yourself into the shower as the heavy scent of Shaw lingered on your skin. You lavered yourself up with the scent of lavender, removing any trace of the previous night from your skin, the only thing left was your memory of his ghostly touches. It was a mistake, one heavenly passionate, mind-blowing mistake, you kept telling yourself but you couldn't get the touches of Shaw from your mind. It was a secret night of passion you would take to your grave if Gavin even knew it would break him further than he ever was… 

You yawned from exhaustion, allowing yourself to climb into bed, letting you slip away into a sweet slumber. All you could dream of was Shaw's eyes, his words, his touches, the way he made you feel, how no man ever made you feel…  A hand touching your lower back makes you jolt up in fear, piercing amber eyes meets, Shaw? “Gavin…” You whisper, clutching the bedsheets to you, “What are you, the mission?”.

“I got a notification, I know you're fertile for another day so I came home early,” He smiled, bringing a hand to stroke your cheek.

He wasted no time getting into the action, no foreplay or romance, straight into fucking you. None of the romance or passion you had experienced the night before, the amber eyes meeting your gaze held resembled nothing of the flame that had lit your fire last night. Each time you fell into those eyes, you had to hold back from crying ‘Shaw’, in the end, you made him take you from behind from the sheer fear you could cry out for another. He pounded into you, not helping to bring you to a release as he finished deep inside you before pulling out, leaving you in a heaving mess. 

“I feel like we might be lucky this time, I just feel it”. You heard he saying to your back, a softness in his voice being there for the first time in months. You don’t know if it was the exhaustion, all the emotions from the last night, or the fact that he is being sweet, but before you notice, tears were running in your cheeks.

A few months come and gone before you even notice. You hadn’t see Shaw since that fateful night and, honestly, part of you would prefer that it would continue like this. But since it was his birthday, you and Gavin went to the live house, where some of his friends were celebrating. As soon as the lavender-hair boy looked at you growing belly, though, you knew it was a bad idea. Gavin on the other hand was more than happy. Like always, he puts his hands on your belly every two minutes, just to be sure you and the baby were ok, his face glowing in happiness every time he felt the baby move. When your husband goes get you some water, Shaw comes to your side.

“I see you got what you wanted, in the end.” He says, drinking from the beer bottle. “The both things you asked that night, in fact. I mean, if I’m right and this baby is from that night… Am I?”.

You look at his amber eyes, the same that your husband. For a moment you wanderer if the baby will have that same pair of eyes. You knew what he was asking.

“I don’t know, Shaw. All I know is that I am happy. And Gavin is happy too.” You hoped he understood what you meant. The way his expression got a little more serious and dark told you he did.

Without saying anything else, he just went back to his group of friends.

The labor wasn’t so easy, and part of you asked itself if something about this baby would ever be. But the moment you saw your baby girl, everything started to be worth it. With so much exhaustion, you were fast asleep as soon as you were in your hospital room. Making you lose the interaction that happened later that evening when Shaw went to see your growing family.

Gavin was just radiant, at the point of hugging his brother. Shaw looked at you two, a little disappointed to find you both asleep. While your husband didn’t stop talking about all the labor and plans you two have for your girl, Shaw let himself wander for a moment what would be like if he was in his brother’s shoes. It wasn’t the first time he thought about that, but now there was a bittersweetness lingering in the air.

“I know what you are. And don’t worry, tonight I will let you have it.” Gavin said, making Shaw almost jump, even if he didn’t let it show. “You wanna hold her, right? I know, I felt the same way when I saw her for the first time”.

Gavin took his bundle of joy and then gave it to his brother. A smile in his face. At first, Shaw thought about denying it, since holding her probably would be even more painful, but, just like that night with you, he just had to know what it was like. As soon as the baby is his arms, she wakes, opening her little eyes. The first thought in Shaw’s mind is that she had their eyes indeed, little two pools of honey. The second thought, that was the most painful and at the same time the one that brought him more joy, was that the little strand of lilac in her hair would never deny who was her father.

[straighttohellbuddy]

World building is the best tbh. I’m forever world building and now I have several worlds to play in and my neurodivergent brain cannot stay still enough to focus on one lmao. SLOWBURN ROMANCES ARE MY LITERAL JAM LIKE PLS!!! I LOVE THEM!! Also!!!! Concepts!!!! Pls share!!!! I love learning about the worlds of my fave fics and I can hands down say right now that this fic will literally shoot to the top of my list of favourites which means you’ll occupy the top three spots. Sorry to hear that ur feeling rough, so am sending u the biggest hug. I’m not okay but I’m taking care of myself today so that I will be 🧡-🐈‍⬛

alsjfsldkjf i have too many worlds TBH, literally one of the best parts of my 2020 was writing for the classic rock fandom and writing one of my good friend’s ocs alongside mine, like there’s so many different worlds that our two characters have now, i’m like 26k deep into a high school au that i need to get back to at some point, and then i wrote a oneshot abt the high school au but they’re adults, and then there’s also the original timeline, and then there’s the present day in the original timeline where they have kids and i probably care too much about people who aren’t real...... hahaha

OKAY OKAY OKAY HERE WE GO I’LL GIVE KIND OF AN OVERVIEW OF THE ALBUMS AND A FEW SONGS BUT IF U WANT ME TO GO IN DEPTH ON ANY OTHER SONG JUST ASK!!!

yes i have a playlist for each, if you wanna hear how i interpret the vibes of the songs. if you interpret them differently, thats awesome!! i’d love to hear y’all’s opinions on them!!

testing one two - the first ep they release, the song titles are mostly themed (fast forward, press play, pause, rewind), but are mostly things y/n has been working on for a while but never got around to finishing, things they are rather proud of. i see you shiver with... is the first song they wrote specifically for the album, and it’s the last song on the EP because it’s a Rocky Horror reference; i see you shiver with...

a n t i c i p a t i o n - first full album!! the vibe is Hopeful But Hesitant it has all the songs from the ep, plus some new ones!! collabs with youtube musicians troye and dodie, and y/n’s label sets up a collab that turns into a genuine friendship. the breakout dance hit is what else is there to say ft. Troye Sivan, which is about not knowing what to make content about when it feels like you’ve already told the world everything. it featured the prechorus and hook

You, know, ev-ery-thing about me / gave it all for free / my life in HD / So, let’s dance, let me see your hips sway / we’re gonna be okay / what else is there to say?

So say that you love me, say that you love me, say that you love me / let’s die hand in hand. / I’ll tell you I love you, tell you I love you, tell you I love you / supply and demand. 

personally, i also conceptually enjoy srs bsns which is a really upbeat song about how they don’t care if people don’t take them seriously because they know in their heart that what they’re doing is good

hyperfocus - 2nd EP, a pretty substantial departure from their usual style, but also happens to quietly be Corpse’s favourite, and is actually y/n’s most polarising, because it has both the Grammy award winning HEARTBURN and the o brother where art thou which was written partially as a joke to capture a fond moment of them and 5SOS dicking around together in a hotel. written while on tour wit 5SOS, im writing the reader as having ADHD (because I have ADHD and i can do what i want), and the backstory is that they’d changed the medication/dosage they were taking, and as it’s their first full tour, they were under a lot of stress and were in a weird place mentally and emotionally, and hyperfocus is the result of that. i’m going through some stuff has HUGE agoraphobic vibes. 

HEARTBURN has the same vibes as Florence + The Machines’ Howl. It’s about being a demon without saying that or directly implying that unless you know demons real well. This is when the pressure for them to confirm their identity got real bad, and it was their way of working through those emotions.

tear in existence in the shape of a person / when i’m seeing clearly i can’t see myself / world can’t swallow what it can’t get it’s teeth into / got everything i wanted but i ain’t got my health

Got heart-burn--- / I’ll tear me apart / I’ll tear you apart / I’ll tear me apart. 

SCREAM gets rereleased as a remixed single featuring Fall Out Boy the following year. It won the MTV music award for best collaboration in 2018. 

In the time between hyperfocus and working on it, Y/N releases several singles, including a cover of Tell Him by The Exciters to be featured in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. They also take time to sort out their health, do a little bit more YT stuff, and travel internationally to do festivals. 

working on it - is kind of a middle ground between their original stuff, and hyperfocus, like pop-punk meets horror-pop meets whatever you’d classify halsey as. the first three songs were mostly written before the fic starts, so before they’re getting back to YT, but the last three, nightmare scenario, designed to hurt (touch me), and not scared were all written after they’d started hanging out with sykkuno and corpse. 

in-universe, imposter syndrome was originally something else, along the same lines of tired that they’re hiding that they’re a demon, but after meeting corpse nd sykkuno and having people who know, and lowkey being influenced by corpse’s music, the song changes directions, and YO OKAY YO::

I literally am so fucking flattered, my darling friend @bingusmode​ wrote lyrics for imposter syndrome and I’ve been yELLING about them ever since i’ve read them!! (also bunnie is fantastic and lovely in general 10/10)

if you thought you saw me 

i’d think about it twice

cuz while i know i’m naughty

everybody thinks i’m nice

cutest giggles get me

places that i long to be

but it’s not long before

everybody hates me

when you figure out i’m fucked up

you’ll probably think that can’t be right

but babe my image runs to save me

cuz i’m ugly day and night

nothing good about me

not the angel that i seem

cuz i’m a piece of shit

and i’ll ruin your fuckin dreams

i’m an impostor babe

you better run for your life

cuz there’s a bloodlust runnin through me

and you’re dripping off my knife

there’s no one here to save you

cuz you ate up all my lies

so beg me while you can

and draft up all your goodbyes 

if any of y’all are inspired by anything i put out, feel free to take it and run!! you have my blessing!! i am so overwhelmingly flattered by people who like my stuff enough to create because of it, directly or indirectly! lyrics, art, songs, anything!! legit! I love you!!

okay so designed to hurt (touch me) has big House of Memories by Panic! At The Disco vibes, and YES it’s about Corpse. YES it sends mixed messages. YES it has greek myth imagery and YES that imagery is confusing. not sure if any of these sets of lyrics actually go after each other but also idk??

will my fall from grace be graceful / as each move i see you make? / propped up on pedestals side by side / beneath our feet they shake / i’m the only one to hear you ask  / “What have they done to me?” / My boy, your wax throne is sun-drenched / you’ll fall in the name of your legacy.

eyes like yours watched rome burn / while hands like mine lit the pyre / we both heard me say we’d go down in flames / now you’re turning me into a liar / since you smile like that, like you can’t feel the sting / and we both know i can’t feel the fire

been telling myself i’m designed to hurt / but, baby, aren’t we a sight? /

check your reflection, your angles, apollo / you’re icarus in the right light /

we’re on the edge, i’m not scared to fall / we’ll take refuge in the night /

been telling yourself you’re designed to hurt / but, baby, doesn’t this feel right?

also, albumtouralbumtour is a reference to Bohemian Rhapsody.

OKAY AND FINALLY

n o s t a l g i a - the album the reader’s working on during the fic.

literally as i was writing this, bunnie sent through some FIRE lyrics for how the light gets in, (@bingusmode) i am going to be thinking about these on REPEAT for the next MONTH BRUV

little bit of darkness, treat me like a toy 

i got my hopes up and got them destroyed

bitter taste of regret sitting heavy on my tongue

can’t believe i let you convince me that you were the one

sitting here in silence, fabric running thin

petals burning in my lungs and stealing oxygen

embers from a cigarette falling to the floor

god i can’t take anymore

so i stumble to the window and pull the shades

and the moon pours in like you threw a grenade

i can’t understand why

i keep trying

cuz i never seem to win

but having any hope is how the light gets in 

from there, moment before impact ft. Billie Eilish is a club anthem along the lines of bad guy or COPYCAT, bass heavy with a drop that’s out of this world.

powdered pain, i’m in your veins / i’m the sting, the drip, the thing / you’re craving, but you hate to see me misbehaving / i heard my breakdown got you high / it’s true, but baby i can’t lie / i never got that rush, that burn / that makes you feel alive, i had to learn / to pick the slippery slope down which i fell / plan my pitstops on the way to hell / to pick my padding before i spiral / so if i break it’ll be in style

watch my misdirect, now freeze, / notice you can’t see the forest for the trees / you’re so desperate for my demise / but baby, i’ll make you watch me rise.

this is the moment before impact

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i know you hope i’m not okay / you get off on my audio misery

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i need you to know i want it this way / my breakdown won me a grammy

and this is the moment before impact

ur my favourite - interlude ft. sykkuno is probably one of my favourites, it’s just really soft, just a snippet of a conversation between the reader and sykkuno, maybe one of them told a joke and they both just sound real happy and sweet. its nice. it’s a nice moment.

means something is also for sykkuno!! it’s about how good-strange it is to be open and honest with friends, and how they usually aren’t but they’re glad they can be open and honest with him!!

meanwhile, i don’t think about u - interlude ft. CORPSE is a phonecall between corpse & the reader right after they announce they’re going to feature on acting like that, where corpse asks if they do this sort of thing to spite him, to which the reader responds ‘do i consider you when i’m making decisions about my career? no, corpse, actually i don’t think about you at all’ which then directly contrasts the song that ends the album, which is (how it feels to be) beautiful fireworks, which is essentially ‘i know how hard it is to exist like this, to be the centre of attention, to give off light and bring people joy, even when you’re in pain. i’m here for you. i love you.’

okay, i swear im done now, i’ll get back to writing the fic! (also i cannot BELIVE i managed to figure out how to embed those playlists but im so happy) edit: it didn’t actually work when i posted the ask, so anyways im sorry but y’all are abt to be spammed with playlists because i care too much abt this fic

[coll2mitts]

#77 Grease (1978)

Slick your hair back and grab your team jacket, we’re hand-jiving our way through Grease, a movie about bunch of hot, self-motivated ladies with their whole futures ahead of them settling for a bunch of schmucks.

Grease is a strange experience to relive as an adult, because it was (as I suspect with a lot of people) ever-present in my childhood, and I didn’t understand the great majority of references then.  This movie was intended as an 8th birthday present from my mother; I came home from school one day and the VHS was sitting on our kitchen countertop unwrapped.  I didn’t recognize it, so when I asked my mom what it was, she feigned confusion for about 10 seconds before she gave up and said, “I bought it for your birthday, I guess you get it early now.”  She promised me I’d like it when I popped it into the VHS player, and she wasn’t wrong.  I hadn’t watched this movie in over a decade and I still could recite the majority of the dialogue.

While this movie is a toned down significantly from the stage show, it is still fairly raunchy in parts.  What is kind of hilarious to me is Grease’s gradual shift in categorization over time as a “kids musical”.  In 5th grade, my sister played Sandy in her elementary school’s production of it.  I asked if she remembered any of the lines they changed to keep things “appropriate” (the Kidz Bopification, if you will) and she responded, “No, I just thought it was weird I had to go out and buy a sexy outfit.”  Conversely, my 5th grade play was about the history of America and I dressed up like Martha Washington.  I’ll never forget the 50 Nifty United States from 13 original colonies... SHOUT ‘em, SCOUT ‘em, TELL all about 'em, ONE BY ONE till we’ve given a day to every state in the U-S-A.  AL-A-bama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, CON-NE-TI-CUT...

Anyway, do I think it’s weird that a movie about a bunch of horny teenagers has become Baby’s First Adult Musical?  Sorta.  Not really.  I mean, the dudes act like children for the majority of this, so I’m not surprised, at least.  It had, for sure, turned me off from wanting to date high school dudes when I was in high school.  The high school girls, however... we’ll get there.

It’s the first day of school, and the oldest high school seniors I’ve ever seen are poised to take on their last year at Rydell High.  The “T” Birds and their very uncool matching jackets are reunited after a summer apart and their super-senior leader Kenickie, played by the late Jeff Conaway, regales the tale of lugging boxes to earn money for a sweet ride, which you could feasibly do back in the 1950s.  Danny, played by John Travolta, spent his summer getting action at the beach, which he eloquently describes as “flippin’”.  

Frenchy and her new neighbor Sandy rendezvous with the Pink Ladies, who have very cool matching jackets and the unabashed confidence to go with them.  Stockard Channing, who plays Rizzo, is turned off by Sandy’s pure, seemingly holier-than-thou persona, and is dismayed when Sandy starts to describe her sickly sweet summer romance.  Her interest is only piqued when Sandy mentions her hunky date was notorious playboy and Rizzo’s ex, Danny Zuko.  

Sidenote: When I was a child, I thought Sonny asked if her “jugs were bigger than her nets”.  I asked my mother what “nets” were, since I surmised that jugs meant breasts, and she didn’t know, which I thought was weird.  It wasn’t until THIS MOMENT that I realized he was asking if her jugs were bigger than Annette’s.  Who the fuck is Annette?  Like the Mickey Mouseketeer Annette?!  Rizzo sings about her later and I’m just like.. this revelation has lead to more questions than answers.

Rizzo hatches a plan to call Danny out on his shit and reunite Sandy with Danny at the school pep rally, as they know her boyfriend is an asshat.  He predictably reacts maturely; Not wanting to admit his previous story of getting fresh with some cute Australian girl down in the sand was somewhat hyperbolic, he plays it off like he doesn’t give a shit about her, reducing Sandy to tears.  Frenchy comforts Sandy like the supportive queen that she is and invites her to join the Pink Ladies at a sleepover.

Honestly, a Pink Ladies sleepover looks lit as fuck.  As a kid (and now, tbh) I was Jan, I wanted to be Marty, I wanted to fuck Rizzo, and I wanted Frenchy as my best friend.  I would totally be down to drink champagne, eat Twinkies and mutilate our body parts with needles.  Sandy is a bit of a late bloomer and reacts to these series of events by puking.  Rizzo decides to be a bit of a slag and make fun of Sandy for being an inexperienced virgin before shimming down a drainpipe to get laid by some jerk with a shitty car and a 6-year-old condom.

Sandy, whose night has done nothing to alleviate her heartbreak, sings a song about being in love with a coward.  Part of the deal Oliva Newton-John signed to be cast in this movie specified she have her own solo number, so “Hopelessly Devoted” was written and filmed after the rest of the movie had been completed.  This feel pretty obvious, since it gives off a very strong 1970s pop Best Original Song vibe.  When I was a kid, I used this song as a break to use the bathroom or grab a snack, but as an adult I find myself humming it every so often.

Speaking of contract-obligated solos, we’re treated to a Travolta-led “Greased Lightning”, which I always thought was weird, cause like, who is going to sing a song about their friend getting tit in their sweet car?  Jeff Conaway played Danny on Broadway, he deserved better...  Also, I’m CONVINCED this song got the Pop-Up Video treatment, but couldn’t find it online anywhere.  Otherwise, how the hell else would the fact that they thought John Travolta putting the saran wrap on his crotch was too racy live rent free in my head for like 20 years?

After encountering Sandy on a date with a jock, Danny decides he’s going to join a sports team to prove to her he can be a motivated team player.  Instead, he just physically assaults several members of his school, but it’s fine because he’s wearing a uniform when he does it.  This is enough to impress Sandy, as she accepts Danny’s invitation to the school dance.

The other gang members are going through their own drama, as Rizzo is sick of giving it up to Kenickie without receiving a modicum of respect.  

“A hickey from Kenickie is like a Hallmark card.  When you care enough to send the very best.”

Danny regresses and continues to act like a shithead to Sandy in front of her friends.

“I don’t like tea.” “You don’t have to drink tea!” “Well, I don’t like parents.”

Jan and Putzie begin an innocent and adorable romance, which proves it’s possible to start off a relationship with mutual respect, even if your friends make fun of you for it.

“I also think there’s more to you than just fat.” “...Thanks.”

I love this scene, there’s so many good lines.

Frenchy, who had dropped out of Rydell to pursue a career in cosmetology, is also in crisis as her stint in beauty school went very poorly.  After hours, she somehow hallucinates Frankie Avalon advising her to get her high school degree.

As a child, I was so proud of myself when I realized all these women played other roles in the movie, as if facial recognition was an important skill.

The day of the big dance finally arrives, as National Bandstand comes to Rydell High with roofie-wielding predator and television host Vince Fontaine.  Rizzo arrives with the leader of the rival gang, while Kenickie has his best girl, Cha Cha, as his date, because they are both very well-adjusted teenagers that know how to work through conflict by communicating and not using desperate attempts to make each other jealous.  Danny and Sandy are cutting up a rug until Sonny attempts to physically assault Sandy, and Danny just lets it happen because another one of his exes, Cha Cha, starts to dance with him while Sandy is rebuffing Sonny’s advances.  Cha Cha and Danny subsequently win the contest.  Honestly, this is so fucked up, I would have dropped Danny after this lapse of good judgement.

But no, Sandy still allows him to take her on a date to the drive-in, and it’s not until he elbows her in the boob and then tries to cop a feel in front of everybody that she finally blows him off.  Then he has the absolute gall to act emo about it because he’s afraid people will think he’s a loser.  Jesus Christ.

Kenickie is also hurting, as he discovers that Rizzo is pregnant and she doesn’t want anything to do with him, regardless of what being an unwed mother will do to her reputation.  He decides to process these emotions by racing Greased Lighting for pink slips, as he likes to live his life a quarter mile at a time.  Unfortunately, Danny steals Kenickie’s thunder (road) yet again, as he’s forced to take his place in the race because of a car door-related closed head injury.  Sandy is impressed by Danny’s driving skillz and decides to sex herself up for an unreliable and emotionally manipulative teenager.  Danny has a similar inclination and decides to put on a nice sweater to win Sandy back, which is something, I guess.  They declare they’re the one each other needs, oh yes indeed.

The school year ends, and all the boys end up paired with the girls.  Rizzo finds out she’s not pregnant and reunites with Kenickie?!  Marty ends up with Sonny even though he’s a handsy creep.  Danny and Sandy are just an mess with incompatible expectations of each other.  But at least Jan and Putzie and Frenchy and Doodie are fairly inoffensive.  The end.

This movie is great, even all these years later.  The entire cast is fantastic, even those with smaller bit parts.  I was *living* for the school staff, Principal McGee and Coach Calhoun especially.  Grease also jump started my lifelong love for Stockard Channing.  She’s great in The West Wing, but her part as Sister Husband in Where the Heart Is may be my favorite performance of hers.  I’ve watched that movie so many times I can’t even call it a guilty pleasure, I love it so much.

Olivia Newton-John wasn’t even sure she wanted to be in this movie and requested a screen test so she could see if she was good at acting.  John Travolta was enamored with her and helped convince Olivia she was perfect for the part, and he wasn’t wrong.  She gives such a strong performance as Sandy; I bought her transformation from clean-cut cinnamon roll to sexpot completely.  John Travolta was also unbelievably charming as Danny, and I found myself giggling at his line deliveries constantly.

The songs are also unbelievably catchy (albeit somewhat annoying after you’ve heard them 700 times).  Barry Gibb, my favorite Pras-adjacent composer, wrote the theme for the movie and it just bops so hard.  As a well-documented detractor of Doo Wop music, there’s not a whole lot else here for me, but that’s not going to blind me to the excellence of this soundtrack.  There is a reason this movie is revered as much as it is.  10/10, fun for the whole family, as long as the kids don’t understand the references.

[bobdylanrevisited]

Blood On The Tracks

Released: 20 January 1975

Rating: 10/10

Often regarded as Dylan’s greatest album, and potentially the greatest album of all time, it’s hard to disagree. Released on Columbia Records following Bob starting a relationship with an employee whilst his marriage to Sara was crumbling following the 1974 tour, the record is actually two different recording sessions. One was in New York, with a much more mellow feel, the other was in Minneapolis with a backing band, following Dylan’s brother stating that the New York songs sounded too similar. Whilst the original recordings are available on the Bootleg Series Vol. 14: More Blood, More Tracks, and are fucking fantastic in their own right, the final product is a thing of inconceivable genius. It’s an album that perfectly captures the turbulence of divorce, love, longing, and self reflection, and is easily the most beautifully written collection of songs ever released.

1) Tangled Up In Blue - Once again, Bob opens the album with one his best ever compositions. A non-linear tale of love and loss which would rival the postmodern writing style of Kerouac and Ginsberg. The story he tells here is both sweet and tragic, filled with nostalgia and longing for a companion. Potentially partially biographical in nature, the lyrics are among his very best, relatively simple at face value, but filled with references and meaning that could take a lifetime to fully digest. His voice continues to sound more mature and even quite commercial, though his brilliant nasal twang is still present, particularly when he hits the title line. This Minneapolis version is astonishing, it may be the perfect song, though the slower and more chilled out New York recording is equally as brilliant. Although for me the defining performance is the one found on his 1984 live album ‘Real Live’, which completely alters most of the lyrics, something Bob carries on doing to this day.

2) Simple Twist Of Fate - A beautiful track about the cruel nature of fate and losing a soul mate. The song talks of the life cycle of a relationship, through metaphor and abstract imagery that wouldn’t be amiss on ‘Blonde On Blonde’, and feels like a dream sequence that ends with waking up alone and confused. The walking bass in the background and soft acoustic strumming create a relaxed and almost floaty tune that only elevates the vivid lyrics. As this is the ‘divorce’ album, the song ends with the lover being gone and Dylan deep in regret, and whilst he says this record is based on the work of Chekhov, I believe this is how Bob viewed and dealt with his separation. Sara came into his life through fate, and he let her slip through his fingers, it’s a moving song that is drenched in a need to understand the confusing and painful side of love.

3) You’re A Big Girl Now - Bob is begging for forgiveness here, promising to change and asking to be taken back as he sings through tears. I do take issue with the idea of Bob saying it pains him to see Sara walking away from him given his infidelity, however he does accept that it is entirely her decision and he is pleading his case. Ultimately, despite the brilliant performance Bob gives of desperation and pain, along with some great piano and guitar playing from his band, I do think this is the weakest song on the album due to the lyrics bordering on self pitying. It’s still a great song, I just don’t think Dylan comes across the best here. The rest of the record focuses on either anger, sadness, or regret, whereas here it seems he’s focusing on himself and almost being absolved of his own wrongdoings.

4) Idiot Wind - Though Bob claims this isn’t about the causes of the breakdown of his marriage, I think we all can take that to mean that it definitely is. It also happens to be the best song on the album, Bob is snarling his way through an epic poem of accusations and falsehoods, betrayal and bitterness. It harks back to his finger pointing songs of 10 years earlier, and it doesn’t hold punches against the press and those who had been circulating rumours about both him and Sara. It’s fucking amazing, Bob sounds genuinely enraged and yet also confused at the exaggerated actions he’s having to defend or downplay. Not only are the lyrics both chaotic and fascinating, the organ playing is superb. Throughout the 7:47 minute song, every time Bob sings ‘Idiot Wind’ it’s like a direct insult to those who meddled in his relationship, as well as another nail in the coffin of his once happy marriage.

5) You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go - It’s been argued as to whom was making Bob lonesome, is it Sara or his Columbia girlfriend? Either way, it’s quite a happy sounding song that’s actually a heartbreaking tale of loss and reluctance to accept life moving on. Bob invokes the poets Verlaine and Rimbaud’s turbulent relationship, with Bob very much being the Rimbaud of the 20th Century, to describe the breakdown of love and happiness leading to feeling alone and self-reflection. As with the whole album, the backing band sound great alongside Bob’s relaxed vocal style and joyous harmonica, and the song creates a tragic feeling of putting on a brave, upbeat facade as life goes on. It’s undeniably becoming much sadder and, as the title suggests, much more lonesome, but Bob attempts to carry on and learn from his mistakes. It’s a hard message to convey in under 3 minutes, but Bob’s pained and honest writing from this period manages it perfectly.

6) Meet Me In The Morning - Musically, this is the best song on the album. All the instruments have a brilliant bluesy feel to them, and Dylan’s voice matches this style, with his nasal tone elongating phrases and making him sound like the blues singers of old. From what I can gather, the protagonist of the song is asking his lover to a rendezvous, but waits from dawn to dusk with no appearance from her. Throughout the song he wishes they could be elsewhere, and compares his love and longing to the darkness of the night and the setting of the sun. It’s a difficult song to unpack as Dylan is the master of mysterious and metaphorical storytelling, but understanding every line really doesn’t matter here. The song itself is a joy to listen to, proving that Dylan shouldn’t just be applauded for his lyricism, but also his ability to compose and record with various musicians to achieve a specific and memorable sound.

7) Lily, Rosemary And The Jack Of Hearts - I’ll quickly mention that Dylan and his harmonica sound amazing on this song, as do the backing band who evoke the sound and atmosphere of the cabarets of old. However, it would be impossible to do the lyrics to this song justice in one small paragraph. This song is the ‘Desolation Row’ of the album, a sprawling epic poem featuring a host of characters in various criminal and romantic encounters. It’s an incredible piece of work, more interesting and exciting than most of what we see on the silver screen. I urge you to fully immerse yourself into the world Dylan creates here, as for nearly 9 minutes, he and his band weave a perfect story worthy of Homer.

8) If You See Her, Say Hello - This song reminds me of ‘Girl From The North Country’. It’s about passing on well wishes to a former lover, letting them know you’re still thinking about them, even though they’ve left your life and moved on. The lyrics are heartbreaking, as Bob remarks that the love still burns within him, but he wants to ensure this information isn’t passed on to her. A brilliantly moving and desperate song once again, with another beautiful backing arrangement and a pained voice longing to rekindle what he has lost.

9) Shelter From The Storm - A love song that focuses on being saved, clearly Bob is talking about Sara and his needing to be rescued from the hurricane of fame, drugs, and parting of 1965 when they met. It’s a romantic story featuring religious imagery, showing Bob’s true feelings towards how he viewed himself and the period of life that was now being ripped apart by his actions. The near angelical way he describes Sara, and his ending thoughts on how he still feels about her nurturing and caring personality, are a far cry from some of the earlier tracks on the album, but this feels like perhaps the most personal song on the record. The stripped back instrumentation allow the bittersweet lyrics to take centre stage, with Bob again sounding much more mature and accessible with his relaxed vocal style. Whilst this version is incredible, I’d also recommend the live 1976 recording on ‘Hard Rain’. The song is much rockier, Bob barks the lyrics, and it sounds fucking brilliant.

10) Buckets Of Rain - The album closes with a genuinely lovely track, both simple and sweet as it addresses a lover. The melody is delicate and Dylan’s singing is soft and full of warmth. There’s not much else to say about this beautiful song, other than it feels like Bob showing us that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and that everything will work out in the end.

Verdict: I could happily just listen to this album until the day I die. If Dylan going electric is the most important musical moment of the 1960s, then this release is the 1970s equivalent. It’s pure art, it captures a feeling most struggle to internally process, let alone articulate in such a poetic and moving way at only 33 years old. The lyricism on this one record alone proves Bob is the greatest poet of the 20th Century. Even the outtakes from this album, especially ‘Up To Me’, are better than most artists creative peak. This may be Dylan’s most personal record (despite his insistence that it is not autobiographical), and I imagine it will be studied for centuries to come as his magnum opus. In typical Bob style, he would bizarrely head out on an exhaustive tour called the ‘Rolling Thunder Revue’, playing at small venues with a band that resembled a circus show, whilst his family life continued to disintegrate. But before he managed to capture the spirit of these carnival-esque performances, he gave permission for some mythical recordings from 1967 to finally be released.

[hopesbarnes]

Gold Dust Woman

Summary: Set Pre-Ragnarok. Inspired by the song Gold Dust Woman. The goddess of temptation and sorcery is ruled by no man and doesn’t do love. You prefer to sleep around and mess with men’s heads for fun. Loki is just the newest in the line of people who have taken to you. He wishes for you to rule beside him as queen, but that type of life isn’t made for you.

Pairing: Darker!Reader x Loki

Warnings: 18+, Smut, Cursing

A/N: This is so different from my usual writings, and I really like it. This isn’t a happy, reader falls in love type story. Reader in this is so unlike me, it was a lot of fun to write. Also the drug mentioned is 100% made up.  Bold Italics are song lyrics

In theory, being Asgardian is excellent. Thousands of years to experience the realms, powers that mortals dream of, and being worshipped sound wonderful. The little ones desire to be a goddess like you. Royalty is everything one wants. However, it’s monotonous. No good being loves the goddess of temptation and sorcery. They don’t leave you offerings or pray to you. You’re remarked on the same level as Loki. The people crave a white-veiled princess, and you’ve never been that.

Your lips are on his the moment he opens the door. There’s not a minute for him to digest your presence. The kiss is harsh, your teeth clash together and Loki moans into the kiss. You bite his lower lip to allow the kiss to deepen. His hands dig into your hips and yours lightly tug his hair. The two of you move until your back hits the wall. You pull him down, leaving him kneeling before you.

“What would people say, seeing you kneeling before someone?” you tease.

“What they don’t know is for the best, my love.”

He identifies his place and lifts your dress up and you move your leg over his shoulder to give him better access. Loki starts to move his tongue against your folds and you moan out from the feeling. He continues to tease you until you pull his head back to look at you.

“Continue teasing me and you won’t cum,” you threaten the mischievous god. He nods and moves back to your core. This time he doubles his efforts and fucks you on his tongue. Your hips move and you’re thrusting down on his face. The pleasure accumulates and you orgasm. The good boy that he is, Loki licks up every drop.

You pull him up to reach your lips and kiss. During the kiss, you wave away both of your clothes and activate a birth control spell. The goddess of seduction can’t get pregnant, it would ruin your image. The kiss continues until you reach the edge of the bed. You push him down and straddled his hips.

“I do love seeing you on top of me, it’s a beautiful sight,” he gushes to you.

“Keep being this sappy and I’ll find a new God to fuck,” you warn.

You hold his cock and guide yourself down on it. Once you’re seated fully, you move his hands to the headboard and lock them with a wave of your hands.

“Are these really necessary?” he complains.

“No, but I like the way they look. Plus, it reminds you where you truly belong.”

You start a quick pace, not looking for a sweet lovemaking session. You rock back and forth roughly and scratch his chest as you do. His torso looks as if a cat has clawed it up, and the sight sends you over. This, in turn, causes him to fill you with his cum.

You pull the sheet up on Loki before getting up and magically cleaning yourself up and reappearing your dress on the ground.

“You’re a shitty person, but a fantastic fuck,” you remark while redressing.

“It’s not like you’re quite sunshine, dear,” Loki quips back. He’s lying in his bed with his wrists still fixed to the bed frame. The sheet rests low on his hips and you can’t help but appreciate his physique once again.

“Is that what you want? A little blushing maid to control?” you ask as you straddle him once again. Leaning to his ear, you whisper, “We both know you could never be satisfied without me dominating you.”

His laugh is dark, and he doesn’t refute the statement. He would crawl the grounds naked for you if you asked. You will never truly be his, but he will always be yours.

You flick your wrist to remove the binds and free him. While keeping him tied up and hidden away seems ideal, he has duties as king to see to. You’d rather him as Odin than Odin himself running this wretched kingdom.

“Why won’t you accept my proposal as Queen?” he inquires while dressing himself.

“You and I both realize I’m not made for that.”

“We should rule the realms together, would that really be so terrible?” Yes, It would. You think to yourself.

“I’m no Queen,” you reply.

“I’m no King, and yet…”

“You were born for this life. The regal manner you have to conduct yourself, the diplomacy, the fights. It all fits you. I was born for revenge. I spend my nights high or drunk, fucking whoever falls into my sight. I tear apart relationships and fool people for fun! And I like it. I’m no Queen Loki, get that through your head!” you snap at him.

“If the people truly saw who ruled them, they would quiver in fear. I’m a fucking monster, or don’t you remember? I’m what parents warn their children of.” he spats shifting into his frost giant form.

“They warn of your race, not you. You really want to compare who's the bigger monster?”

“You’re not a monster.”

“Yes, I am. The sooner you realize this the better,” you sigh and walk out of the room.

—————

When you live thousands of years, the people in lesser worlds start to write stories of you. They call you gods and try to make sense of the senselessness way you impact their world. Thor is named Zeus to the Greeks and Jupiter to the Romans. You, on the other hand, are known as Peitho to the Greeks. The goddess of persuasion and seduction. They also created you into the story of the sirens, beautiful women who lured men to their death.

Most of the stories were true. There was a time when you seduced men and killed them. It wasn’t a high point of your legacy. But you never claimed you were innocent.

A few days after the fight with Loki, he came to apologize. Claimed the pressure of the throne was too much.

“Nobody told you to steal your father’s identity and be the ruler,” you quip back. Sympathy wasn’t a virtue you had.

“Father wasn’t fit to rule anymore. Thor isn’t around, too busy gallivanting around to care for his home,” he replied.

“Still didn’t mean you had to be king.”

“Want to destress, Allfather?” you tease just to get him to shut his whining up.

“What have you in mind, lover? He asks. The word lover leaves a bad taste in your mouth, but you ignore it.

“Snagged some Ferðalags last time I ventured the forest. Turned them into a potion to drink. Wouldn’t mind sharing,” you offer the vial. You consume the drug with him and spend the next four hours high forgetting the world.

It was only a matter of time before Loki begged for marriage again. He was planning to reveal himself as Loki soon and wished to have a wife for that. You never would love him though, and marriage went against every part of your being. A better person would cut off the relationship, leave him now before it ruined him. But you couldn’t, you enjoyed messing with his head and body too much.

 Tensions were running high amongst the realms. Loki’s approach to diplomacy and ruling wasn’t being taken to quite as he hoped. Rumors of Thor fighting and trying to bring peace about spread, and while he didn’t speak you can tell the mischievous God is worrying. You weren’t one for comfort, but you were fairly good at one of the best ways people relax.

Loki was sitting in the throne room, atop his chair. It was late, so he was in his true form instead of hiding behind the face of his father.

“Why are you here so late?” you ask.

“It takes a lot to rule a kingdom, dear,” he replies.

“You know what they say.”

“Hmm?” he questions.

“Rulers make bad lovers,” you remark.

“Is that so?” he asks, beckoning you closer with his stare.

“You better put your kingdom up for sale,” you declare walking to straddle his hips.

“I feel like I should fuck you in this throne for that statement.”

“Honey, the day you are the dominant one in this relationship, is the day I become the Goddess of Marriage.”

“Then you fuck me in this chair,” he suggests sharply.

You tug down his pants, not bothering to completely undress. You hike the long dress you have on up and he whines upon the realization that you had nothing underneath. You readjust your position and take him in one swift drop of your hips.

“This is how I would like to go, encompassed by you,” he remarks as you move your hips against his.

You lean forward to meet his lips as his hand snakes between your bodies. Instead of connecting your lips, a moan falls from them against his. It’s erotic the motion, and he groans against you. You quicken your pace and your head falls against his shoulder, unable to hold yourself up as you fuck yourself on his cock.

It doesn’t take long for you to come apart as he releases into you. You sit for a moment to catch your breath and then wave a hand to clean the mess.

“You could stay awhile, just sit with me,” he breathes.

“Loki,” you sigh.

“Loki what? Why can’t you let me love you!”

“You knew I didn’t do that! That isn’t me,” you snap, aggravated. He kept trying to make you into someone you weren’t. You warned him before the first hookup. Why didn’t he listen?

“It could be. I wasn’t supposed to be regal. I was supposed to die.”

“You wanted to change. You hated who you were. I love being this!” you shout waving your hands to emphasize the point. “I love fucking anything with a pulse! I love killing those who cross me. I love seducing people and watching their lives crumble as a result! I love being a witch in every sense of the word. I don’t get why you can’t understand that. I don’t want to be your fucking queen!” The entire declaration causes his face to fall.

“I love you,” is all he manages to mutter.

“Then I’m sorry to shatter your illusions of love, and what it should be. But this isn’t love.”

“Then I guess this is done.”

“I think I should visit Midgard for some time,” you suggest.

“I figure that’s for the best.”

[imitheous]

beso del chef | Miranda, Micah & Brennan

With music blasting from a speaker set up on the counter, and the smell of ground beef simmering slowly filling the apartment, Micah wasn't exactly filling the role of the quiet, unobtrusive roommate that they normally did. However, the person they were spinning around the kitchen to the music wasn't someone that filled those roles well. Micah looked away from Miranda only when the door opened, and they grinned at Brennan, hoping that he wouldn't be offended by the lack of warning that they were going to have a visitor. "Bren!" They spun Miranda again. "¿Bailamos?"

The sounds of Miranda's giggling filled the apartment with every spin, and she happily followed Micah's lead during their dance.  She always felt more relaxed and open in carefree moments like this, but then again, that could also be the glass of wine from earlier talking too.  The sound of the door opening did little to pull Miranda out of the moment, but she did turn her head along with her companion, her smile widening when she caught sight of Brennan walking in.  "Hola, Acere!" The next spin was unexpected, and she let out a half yelp that was quickly drowned out by more laughter as she continued along with their little dance routine.

Brennan was just coming home and could hear the music before the door was even all the way opened. He took the key out of the door, only fumbling a bit with the lock at the sight of Miranda, and shut the door. He joined them in the kitchen and set down his messenger bag on the way. "Hola," He greeted them, smiling. "Bailamos means..." He thought for a second on Miranda's recent teachings. "To dance?" Brennan questioned and leaned against a part of the nearby counter.

Micah continued to dance along to the music when Brennan smiled at them. "Yes! Context clues get you there?" They laughed before they stopped as the song wound down, then took a sip of their water. "How was work? I hope you're hungry. We've made enough to feed half of New Athens."

Miranda let out a dramatic gasp, swatting Micah's arm before turning back to the pot that was simmering away.  "It's not that much, you monga." She looked over at Brennan, rolling her eyes at him as if she couldn't believe the nerve of them.  "Sorry if my wonderful presence was shocking." She wasn't sorry at all. "But we're making bomb ass food, so you're welcome, really."

Once the music was at a lower volume, he shrugged. "It was a pretty easy day but, if I wasn't before, I'm hungry now," Brennan replied yet was already distracted by the new smells which only made him curious. He leaned in from his spot and tried to sneak a peek of what was in the simmering pot as he spoke. "No, no, please, you're always welcome here," Brennan assured Miranda while still attempting to stay out of their way while the cooking was happening. "Or, I mean, thank you," He chuckled. "The food seems like it'll be fantastic," He relaxed against the counter once again. "Is dancing a requirement for this dish?"

Micah smiled cheekily at Miranda. “Sorry, tia Mira.” They snickered as they spoke, obviously also not sorry about anything. They turned the music down slightly now that they were having a conversation, but kept it going in the background. “A requirement?” They raised their eyebrows and smiled. “I’d argue yes, but I’m only a student. We’d have to defer to the Cuban master to be sure,” they said as they looked from Brennan to Miranda.

Miranda rolled her eyes at Micah's name for her, but still smiled into the pot as she continued to stir.  "I'm gonna wack you with this spoon, especially if I found out Rosie or Macey got the part of la tía genial." Her eyes bounced between the two as they talked, grinning when both pairs of eyes turned to her. "Oh it's always a requirement, but maybe I'll enforce it more when I have some more wine in me."

Brennan was amused by Micah and Miranda's small banter and chuckled as his back remained leaned against the counter. He casually shrugged. "I'm always more willing to embarrass myself with dancing after some wine," He smiled and saw that they had already opened a bottle. "I doubt you need it though," He moved to fetch a glass and began pouring for himself. After that was done, Brennan took a quick sip and held up the bottle with a little wiggle. "Do you both want or need a refill?" He questioned his roommate and their guest with a polite smile.

"The wacking with the spoon thing," Micah said at they looked at Brennan. "She's serious about that, you know. If I have marks on me later, you know who it's from." They laughed and bumped Miranda's hip with their own. "Macey maybe, but Rosie would probably still auction me off if she could, I think." They picked up a spoon from the counter to try to steal a bit of the food and turned away from Miranda as they blew on it, then smiled at Brennan after they managed to stuff the bite into their mouth, nodding as they chewed. Once they swallowed, they laughed. "Absolutely, thank you. I think everyone's dancing benefits from a bit of wine. And then can suffer a disadvantage after a lot of it."

"And he'll also know you deserved it!" She threw back, adding some more seasoning to the pot before placing the lid back on and moved away from the stove.  She made her way over towards Brennan, jumping up onto the counter and grabbing her empty wine glass that had been left there.  Holding it up to him, she grinned, her new seat now making her tall enough to not have to crane her neck to look at his face.  "A refill would be amazing, thank you."

Brennan watched Micah pick up the spoon and steal some food and couldn't keep eye contact with them. He hid his laughter in his glass of wine as best he could while also trying not to call Micah out as well. He caught a whiff of the wonderful aroma of the seasonings in the cooking food, but soon his attention was fully on Miranda and where she now sat. "I'm glad I can amaze you then," Brennan joked and poured wine into her glass. "You're welcome," He politely said and then went over and filled Micah's glass next. He took a spot back near Miranda. He lifted his own glass even though he'd already been drinking from it. "Ahora nosotros bebemos?" He spoke tentatively while trying to remember and prayed that he spoke correctly. "Also, how long until it's done? My stomach is growling." He lightly chuckled.

Micah pressed their lips together as they made eye contact with Brennan and winked, clearly amused as they swallowed, but also thoroughly pleased with how the food was turning out. They smiled in thanks when Brennan refilled their glass, and smiled at their roommate's question. "Si. Salud!" They smiled, raising their glass before taking a small sip. "I mean, I, obviously, have not tried any yet, since I'm not one to sneak bites." They grinned as they spoke. "But I would say it's about ready. From the smell, purely."

Taking a sip of her wine, Miranda almost choked as her instant reaction was to snort at Micah.  Swallowing the beverage, she coughed, then started.  "Oh yeah, you clearly aren't one to sneak bites, you little ladrón." Almost instantly, she stretched to be able to whisper the translation to Brennan, then relaxed back again.  "But, it's time for the teacher to let the student call the shots.  But, be a good sobrino and serve me first." She finished with a wink.

"Yeah, you'd never be one to do that," Brennan made sure to make a comment regarding them stealing bites of the food. He also made sure to give Micah a knowing look but then took another sip of his wine. He listened to Miranda's translation and soon chuckled. He looked back at Micah. "Here, I can get the plates and utensils," He suggested and already began moving to do as he said. "So, we'll be ready when it's ready..." He began putting them all on the counter, set out and placed in straight lines.

Micah laughed at Miranda’s reaction and winked at Brennan. “I can’t believe you have such little faith in me, Tia Mira.” They nodded at their roommate in thanks when he started pulling out plates and utensils. They blew a kiss at Miranda. “I always am.” Once everything was laid out by Brennan, they began serving the food. “It’s like an assembly line.” They smiled and picked up one of the plates to bring over to Miranda, then grabbed the other two quickly and set them on the table as well. “Brennan, you might cry when you have this, it’s a natural reaction.”

When the boys started moving to get the table put together, Miranda grabbed the bottle of wine and hopped off of the counter, meeting Micah to grab some things for them to bring to the table.  "You're lucky that you're my only one, or else you'd be at the bottom of the list, sir." Bumping them with her hip, she headed over to the table to help set it up, then sat down at one of the chairs to await her food.  She winked at Micah when a plate was set in front of her, as if that was a proper thanks, then laughed at the statement made to Brennan.  "Oh yeah, you're just gonna burst out into tears."  Holding her hair back, she leaned in to sniff the plate, last minute checking the spices added into the pot, and grinned her obvious approval at their combined talents.  "Fuck it, I'll say it, I taught you how to make a badass batch of picadillo."

Brennan was going to make a remark about Micah's comment about their assembly line but, instead, found himself reacting to something else they had said. "Oh no, do you mean because it'll be so good it's going to bring tears to my eyes?" He wondered and sounded intrigued. "Or will I be crying because it's got spice to it?" He questioned as he sat down in the chair that was before his plate of food and also happened to be next to Miranda at the table.

Micah smirked at Miranda, knowing that her wink was the equivalent of a thanks, and took a seat and scooped up their food as if to start eating. They put their fork down after a moment, realizing that they should probably wait for the other two to start eating, and that they had to answer Brennan's question in order for that to happen. They raised their eyebrows at him and pointed at Miranda with their fork. "You should say that, because it's right, and I know it half because you sat there and helped me do it." They laughed, then looked back to their roommate. "The first one. I really hope you aren't someone who cries at spicy food. You can still me my roommate, of course, but if you cry at the spice level of this," they said as they raised their loaded fork once more, "Maybe you can't be my roommate in public." They laughed again and took a bite, unable to stop themself this time.

A bright grin grew on Miranda’s face at Micah’s words, greatly appreciating the praise. “Thanks, sobrino.” She teased, then turned to look at Brennan next to her. “Definitely not the second, we Cubans are all about the flavor, I used to be a total whimp with spice when I was younger, until Rosie practically kicked that out of me.” She shrugged, no longer being able to resist picking up her fork and taking a bite. She chewed for a second, then dramatically slumped in her chair, leaning her head against the back of the chair. “Mic, we fucking killed it.” She gave it up after another second, holding her arm up for a high five from across the table.

Brennan chuckled as the two of them contradicted one another. He followed suit though and took a bite of the freshly prepared dish as well. He watched as Miranda seemed to think it was perfect. He was smiling and took another bite. "Wow. It's really, really good," He nodded. "No tears from me, but just know you two did amazing," He commented and chuckled again. Brennan even did a little dance in his seat, in reference to the dancing that they'd been doing when he arrived. "Is this going to be a regular thing?" He questioned about the making of the food and everything. "Because I could definitely get used to coming home to something like this."

Micah scooped up another bite and pressed their hand into their chest, obviously pleased. They raised their eyebrows at Miranda. "I can't imagine you not being able to handle spice. That's actually so funny. I have something else to thank Rosie for." They leaned in, a bit conspiratorially. "You know, I think she might still be planning a cat heist for me." They leaned back, not explaining anything more, and high-fived Miranda. "We did!" They laughed at Brennan, then pointed as he started dancing. "I was going to say I was insulted, but since the food got you dancing rather than crying, I'm satisfied. That's a better result." They took a sip of their wine and nodded at Miranda. "It could be. I know that you two are friends too, right? Maybe I might come home to a bit of food after a long day of going postal?" they joked.

Miranda winked at Brennan as a thank you as Micah leaned in towards her. At their words, she gasped, turning her head back to her friend. “Oh, I’ll have a little chat with her and turn that ‘maybe’ into a definitely.”  With that topic done for now, she sat back down in her seat properly, taking another bite as both boys started, laughing at Brennan’s wiggle. “Yeah, we’re friends.” She turned to look at Brennan. “I’d be down to teach someone else the beauty of Cuban food if you were willing.  But only if this ends with you two conspiring to surprise me with glorious food.” She teased.

Brennan had gestured back to Micah when he saw that they had pointed his way, but he kept wearing an amused smile on his expression. His roommate's quips didn't get the chance to rub him the wrong way, but maybe that was due to Miranda's presence also being there. "I'm sorry," Brennan ducked his head bashfully away from them despite Micah having confirmed they were indeed 'satisfied'. He then managed to catch sight of the wink that Miranda sent his way. "I suppose I might be willing," He quickly smiled back at her as he responded. "It would be nice to learn a few new recipes," His words came out polite and well-mannered. "I'm sure that after a few crash courses, I could definitely manage to lend a hand to Micah in order to cook up something unexpected." He chuckled lightly.

Micah grinned at the banter, trying not to eat too quickly so that they wouldn't get called choncho by Miranda. They pressed a hand to their heart. "Beautiful. I expect a meal at least once a week," they joked, chuckling as they raised their eyebrows at Brennan. "I suppose we must, to complete the circle." They looked back to Miranda. "I'm surprised that you have that much faith in us. Or are you not being specific to Cuban food?"

Miranda rolled her eyes at Micah once again, too busy chewing to make a comment on their expectations. After swallowing, she smiled at Brennan’s well mannered speaking before chiming in. “I mean I won’t be picky at all as long as it’s edible.” She joked. “And I haven’t exactly shown you a ton of Cuban recipes, so definitely feel free to be creative.”

"Keep the faith, I know a little here and there about being in the kitchen," Although he sounded fairly confident, he wavered his free hand. Brennan then shifted his attention from Micah to Miranda. "I admit nothing like this dish though," He explained and took another quick bite. "Breakfast foods, and some desserts, might be my only specialties, so I can only imagine how much creativity will be needed," He said and glanced back at Micah. "But, yeah, I'd be willing."

Micah nodded along to their roommate’s words. “He really does, Miranda. This guy made me pancakes once, to die for.” They ate a few more bites quickly after they checked their phone, then put their spoon down as they looked at them. “You’re astute too, I bet you can pick up a recipe quick.” They held up their phone. “I’ve got to go in a few, not to bail on y’all. Totally forgot that I had a meet up.”

Miranda perked up when Brennan mentioned dessert, her sweet tooth very intrigued, more so when Micah hyped up his set of cooking skills.  "Oh well then, I will gladly accept thanks in the form of pancakes which dying for."  Her eyes trailed back over to her friend when they announced their sudden departure.  "Oh, that's convenient.  Leave me to clean everything up, you little parásito."

Brennan humbly took the compliments from Micah in stride. He continued to work on finishing his plate when the other mentioned they had to leave soon. He nodded along but then chuckled at hearing another one of Miranda's little nicknames for Micah. "Don't worry about tackling the clean up all by yourself," He spoke with a smile sent Miranda's way. "I'll still be around and will gladly help. I'm sure we can make it go by quickly too," Brennan assured her then found his eyes drifting back to Micah. "—You weren't really serious about feeding half of New Athens with whatever's left, right? Because I might already be looking forward to eating some of the leftovers."

Micah scooped up their food quickly, as though trying to clear their plate before their body could register that they were getting full. They managed not to laugh until after they swallowed, and smiled at Miranda. “See, auntie? I’m not getting out of work, I’m helping y’all grow closer. In the end, you should be thanking me, as I am un ángel.” They smiled again and shook their head at Brennan. “Totally not serious, because that’s you and me both, Bren.”

Miranda gave Micah a deadpan look. “You are the fucking worst angel I’ve ever met in my life.” She moved to rest a hand on Brennan’s arm and leaned towards him at this offer to help. “At least one of you is a gentleman.” She teased before winking at Brennan, dropping her hand and going back to her food.  “But don’t worry, only select people are getting these leftovers. Us and maybe my siblings if I’m feeling nice.” Both probably knew she was bringing some back to her cabin regardless.

"My pleasure." Brennan smiled and dropped his gaze to his plate but he'd already finished his food so he looked around, trying to hide how happy that little wink and touch had made him. After all, he had a bit to be happy about. He had the company of friends, even if Micah was leaving, and so he leaned back in his chair and felt full.

Micah guffawed at Miranda's comment and rested a hand atop her head as they stood. "Impossible for me to be a gentleman, Tia Mira." They flashed a grin as they picked up their plate so they could carry it to the sink, giving her shoulder a squeeze as they left her side. "Be sure to bring some to Macey. She can eat it while she pretends not to be sick of vegan food." Their things were basically gathered at the door, but they paused before making too quick of an exit. "If the food is all gone when I come back, I will be disappointed, but not surprised," they said sadly. "But anyway, have fun but not too much fun, y'all." They tipped their head as they did not have a cowboy hat, and headed out of the apartment.

[myaekingheart]

kakashi for the ask game! :D

Oh this is gonna be dangerous xD (and also really fucking long I’m so sorry lmfao)

send me a character and i’ll list...

favorite thing about them It’s so hard to pick, but I think his resilience. Kakashi has genuinely been through hell and back and yet he keeps going. His character development in Naruto is one of my absolute favorite things, the way he starts out as this seemingly apathetic but deep down very guarded character who ultimately grows to love his students and make peace with his past and finally find some happiness. He’s the man who lost everything and still keeps going and maybe it’s just because I, too, am a depressed bitch but that’s always bee super comforting to me and felt very reassuring. Like if Kakashi can hit rock bottom but pull himself up out of that pit and find happiness and success, then so can I.

least favorite thing about them I don’t even know if I have a least favorite thing about him. I honestly love everything about him. I guess the closest thing I can get to a least favorite thing would be that I wish we saw more of him goofing off and having tons of fun like when he and Guy raced in Shippuden. Hearing Kakashi laugh and joke around was just so good for my soul.

favorite line Oh no there are so many, I can’t pick just one. My favorite contenders are: “Leaf Village Secret Finger Jutsu: One Thousand Years of Death!” “Behind this mask...is another mask! Pretty cool, huh?” “I’m telling you this because you don’t get it. You think you get it which is not the same as actually getting it, get it?” “Those who break the rules are scum but those who would abandon a comrade are worse than scum” “I won’t allow my comrades to die. I’ll protect you with my life. Trust me.” “It’s like an acorn.” “Sorry I’m late, I’m afraid I got lost on the path of life.” “Sorry I’m late, a black cat crossed my path and I had to take the long way around.” “For those who follow the path of revenge, it never ends well. You’ll only tear yourself apart and even if you succeed and you get your revenge, what will you get then? Nothing. Emptiness.” “So it looks like neither of us have led a charmed life exactly. But still, we’re not all that bad off. At least you and I have found new comrades to help fill the void.” “Calm down, Naruto. Slow your breathing down” (mainly because this scene just gets me every time as someone who has had severe panic attacks for twenty years lmfao) There was also another “sorry I’m late” excuse that I don’t remember exactly and cannot for the life of me find but it was from a picture I saw somewhere, looked like it was maybe from a video game? Where Kakashi said something to genin Naruto and Sakura about the path of love or something? And they’re staring at him flustered pointing insisting “That’s...a lie!” Like I can recall the image clear as day in my head but I cannot for the life of me find it.

brOTP Hands down Guy. I mean, I ship them, too, but I just really love their friendship especially. Guy just really brings out the best in him and provides this really nice foil to Kakashi’s personality. I genuinely think Kakashi would’ve been done for if not for Guy’s loyalty and optimism. Their friendship is so fun and the two of them together never fail to make me smile.

OTP Does my KakashixOC ship count? Because if it does, then that’s my OTP. I have spent way too much time and energy on their relationship for it to not be. That probably sounds super cliche and maybe a little Mary-Sue-ish but I don’t even care, Rei and Kakashi are my magnus opum and I love them. I’m also just really, really proud of the way I’ve written their relationship. So much of their bond is informed by my own relationship with my fiance, and I think my own experiences have really evolved my understanding of what real intimacy in a romantic relationship looks like. It’s not so much about flowers and chocolates and date nights as it is about caring for and comforting the person you love, spending quality time with them, making them laugh and smile, being 110% yourself around them, and providing for them in their times of need. I have never written a relationship so real and specifically raw before, and there’s a lot of intricacies that I’ve worked in as well, that just overall make me incredibly proud of the progress I’ve made on their story, and proud of the story I’ve been creating for them in general. But if an OC ship doesn’t count for OTP, I really like Kakashi with Shizune, Guy, Yamato/Tenzo, and Iruka.

nOTP Oh god I have quite a few. I really don’t enjoy focusing on negatives nor do I want to start ship wars so I’ll keep these explanations brief. I can’t stand Kakashi and Sakura, the mere thought of it makes me *this close* to puking. I take big issue with ships in general between characters that met when one of them was a child and the other an adult, though. It just comes off incredibly pedophilic to me and makes me nauseous. The other big ship I take issue with is Kakashi and Rin but that’s more of a personal issue because their relationship, and Rin’s character in general, hit way too close to home (in a very warped and psychotically symbolic way) to some really traumatic stuff I dealt with in the past that took me years and lots of therapy to deal with, and it still trips me up to this day. It’s not anything that anyone in fandom has done or anyone who ships Kakashi and Rin with each other, it’s just a matter of me noticing parallels between the ship and my own trauma that make it incedibly hard for to tolerate content of it. Just to tack these on, as well, but I also really dislike him with Hanare from the filler episode and with Kahyo from the book Lightning in the Icy Sky. The romance with Hanare just felt really disingenuous to me like I can tolerate it, but it’s not my favorite. And as for Kahyo, I blame bad writing. The fact that the book was referring to her as “the woman who has Kakashi’s heart” literally within like two pages of them meeting really pissed me off. I couldn’t even finish the book so I can’t even speak on the rest of the relationship but I just got so turned off by the entire story in general because the romance was so unbelievable and abrupt. I feel like anyone who has read my fic, though, likely has picked up on my opinions on these, though. Not that I’m writing ship hate or anything because I’m not, but there have been little plot points here and there that have kind of touched on my feelings on these ships.  

random headcanon I have way too many but here’s one of them, I guess, though this is more a musing than a headcanon. I think, when the war is over and Kakashi can finally catch his breath, he goes through a bit of an identity crisis as he comes to terms with the fact that he no longer has his sharingan. After all, he had Obito’s eye for almost twenty years. Learning to function without it is going to be incredibly difficult but not only that, so much of his identity was founded on his secondhand sharingan. Who even is he without it? Does he even recognize himself anymore? And how can he ever live up to the reputation he’s garnered over so many years now that the source of all of his power is gone for good? Yes, he was a prodigy before the sharingan and he is still capable without it, but it’s going to be a big change and take a huge toll on him and his perception of himself.

unpopular opinion I’m glad Kakashi has never been given an explicitly canon love interest. Honestly, I don’t want him to have one. As much as he deserves to find love and start a family with someone, from a fandom perspective I much prefer him being open and available. It creates a much more flexible interpretation of him and his love life so that we, the fans, can write him however we damn well please and I think that’s pretty fantastic. I think it’s safe to say that Kakashi is one of if not the most heavily shipped character in the fandom and everyone has very strong opinions on who he belongs with and even how he idenifies from a sexuality perspective. I can only imagine the uproar that would come from finally giving him a canon love interest because you absolutely cannot please everyone. In a way, I feel like Kakashi is just a character who belongs to all of us. He is something different for every single person in fandom whether that’s someone to look up to and seek guidance from, someone to protect and root for, someone to relate to and find comfort in, someone to love and/or lust after. Or in my case a precious emotional support ninja husbando. I don’t know if he would’ve had quite the same effect on fandom if he had been canonically shipped with someone from the get-go, but I’m grateful that he never was and I hope he never will be so he can continue playing the role in fandom that he has been for so many years. That probably sounds selfish, though, but I just really want him to remain a character that belongs to all of us and is not inhibited by canon in terms of who he loves and how he identifies.

song i associate with them Again, there’s so fucking many so I’m just gonna list some of my favorites. Sign by Flow Friendships by Pascal Letoublon Hospital for Souls by Bring Me the Horizon SCARECROW by My Chemical Romance Disguise by Motionless in White-- this is a big one, especially the line “sick of wearing a mask, sick of hiding my face, sick of every motherfucker that is in my way, sick of digging for answers while you bury the truth, fuck your method to my sadness, I will bury you” like it just reminds me of ANBU Kakashi specifically, but overall his character development in coming to terms with his past and crawling out of his depression, too.

favorite picture of them Again...there’s multiple x_x

[fics-not-tragedies]

Call me Señorita: Part Three

one - two - three - the song that inspired this fic

Final part of the “Señorita” song request. It’s clearly a smut one, so be warned before jumping right into it. I must admit that the whole idea was absolutely amazing to make and I hope you liked reading it just as much as I liked writing it. @ the lovely anon who requested it: I hope it was a worthy one and thank you for that amazing idea!

Summary: After a small incident at the Continental John finally decides to tell you about his true feelings and things ends up steamy. Words: 2385; Warnings: smut bits;

There are some things that never change. One of them was your undying love for him. The second that you always wanted more every time he kissed you.

You both always said that you’re just friends, even though every person around you assumed that you’re dating since the very beginning, you two were just too close. And friends don’t know the way he taste, yet you did, always wanting to have him even closer.

John sighed quite loudly and your eyes snapped back to him when you felt his fingers gently grazing the top of your hand, “Are you seeing someone?” He asked quietly, too quiet for anyone else to hear, but his soft tone got to your ears and you just rolled your eyes behind the sunglasses.

“You mean a man or a therapist? You asked, taking your shades from your nose. The corners of his mouth rolled up and he scratched his beard trying his best to hold in a giggle, “Jonathan, you know that we’ll always be…” you swallowed hard, the words in your head sounding like a terrible lie, “great friends, as we are since forever.”

His eyes grew wider when you made that awkward pause before you finished the sentence, but when you were done with your words he just nodded few times, then let go of your hand with a saddened look on his face.

“Are YOU seeing someone?” The question rolled off your tongue and he gripped the glass with bourbon tightly, his knuckles turning white.

“Actually…” he turned in the stool towards you, resting his elbow on the bar, “No, but I wish I was” you threw your sunglasses next to the glass still filled with wine.

Before you could say something to him, the noisy alarm went off, red lights flashing all over the place. Your concierge was running towards you, her high heels clicking on the floor, “Are we under attack?” You turned to her, taking a sip of your wine.

“No, we’re not, ma’am, but I’m afraid there’s a huge gas leak and we have to evacuate the whole facility” she tried to remain calm, but you noticed how her lips quivered.

“Fantastic, I’ll be at my quarters then” taking the glass with you with the intent of walking away you slid from your stool, but his hand sneaked around your waist stopped you, “Jonathan, you should evacuate” you brushed off his hand from your body and took few steps away from him.

“I’m not leaving you darling” he stood up, the glass of bourbon in his hand. 

You raised your eyebrows, sipping the wine again, “What? Now you’re not leaving me? NOW?”

“Fuck…” he threw the glass back onto the bar, the concierge just eyed you and you moved your head towards the exit, like you wanted to say to her that it’s okay to leave. The sound of her footsteps slowly disappeared in the background.

John ran his fingers through his hair then walked closer to you, “I fucking miss you every time I have to leave and I… I wish I was a bigger part of your life than I already am.”

“Jonathan-...” his finger pressed to your rouged lips silenced you.

“Shhh…” with one hand gripping your waist and another cupping the side of your face he pressed your body closer to him, “I know we are close, but I wish we were even closer.”

“Jonathan are you fucking drunk now?” Your heart was pounding, the soft look of his chocolate eyes making you melt.

He laughed nervously, shaking his head from side to side, “I am drunk, I am drunk in love with you darling…”

“No no, just don’t-...” now you were the one who silenced him, pressing your slim finger to his lips, making him smile and delicately smooch it, “Jonathan… John.”

“Yes?” He mumbled into your skin, his hot breath lighting your fire.

“I am in love with you too, since the moment we met” you spoke calmly, but tears in the corners of your eyes appeared nonetheless.

His eyes grew wider, but he didn’t said anything. He kissed your finger few times, then moved to kiss your knuckles one after another and finally his lips ended on yours, leaving them with a quick open mouthed kiss.

“You know we’re alone in here now… you… you didn’t have to stop” a gasp left your lips as he cupped your face in his large hands, pressing his hot mouth back to yours. You parted your lips, letting him slip his tongue inside them and massage yours.

The way he was kissing you was sending shivers down your spine and you felt how wet you just became, “Fuck, I’m all dizzy now” you ran your fingers through his hair as he left you almost breathless.

“Gas leak” he spoke softly, a grin on his face, as his hands roamed your back.

“Yeah, gas leak” you nodded your head, licking your lips.

His muscles tensed, heartbeat raced up, you two wanted more of each other already and it was quite obvious with the lustful gaze of his dark eyes. Taking his hand you lead him into the hallway, the concierge walking at you two from around the corner.

“The gas leak has been secured, but we still have to fix few issues before the guests can come back to their rooms” she spoke composedly.

“Fantastic, I’ll be in my quarters then!” You shouted back at her, as you and John got to the elevators and you pressed the button too many times, impatient for the elevator to arrive at the ground floor.

“You want this all off me, don’t you?” You whispered teasingly into his ear when you both stepped inside of the elevator. You didn’t have to wait for his answer, because he pressed you against the mirror covered wall, pinning your hands above your head.

You moaned, feeling his fingers at your chin, tilting your head to the side, then his lips sucked roughly on your neck. He placed his leg between your thighs, rubbing it into your soaked panties.

The elevator made a loud jingling sound, “Top floor Jonathan” you breathed and he licked your jaw line, stepping aside so you two were able to walk out into the hall. With his arm sneaked around you and lips attached to your neck you two reached the tall doors of your place.

John pressed you against the wall right next to them, locking his lips with yours in a heated kiss.

When you pushed him away, he stepped back with a groan of disapproval. Fishing out the key-card from your cleavage you slid it inside the locker and opened your apartment’s door.

“Clever deposit” he mumbled against your neck before pushing you inside, closing the door with his foot and securing them with the lock.

You took off your heels and he ripped the gown off your arms, few stitches giving up at the brute force he used to undress you.

“This gown was quite expensive Johnathan…”

“I will buy you two new ones” he reached for the zipper on your back and undid it in one swift movement.

“Look who’s fucking gagging for it…” you giggled breathlessly, letting your gown fall to the ground before stepping out of it. His eyes started to shine when he saw what you’re wearing as an undergarment.

Grabbing the collar of his shirt you pulled him in, smashing your mouth with his. He put his arms around you, sliding them down to squeeze your butt, kneading at your skin, giving you few spanks playfully.

“I’ve never seen you in a corset before… why?”

“Because you’ve never undressed me before. I bet you did it with your eyes few times…” you nibbled at his neck, receiving few guttural groans as a response, “but never with your hands.”

“I think you should wear them more often” his skilled fingers began undoing the small eye-hooks at its front, freeing your breasts from the restraining fabric, “I like them on you” John ripped the piece of clothing off your body, throwing it to the floor, his lips attacking your neck, licking and nibbling onto it.

Moving his mouth from your neck to your breasts he flicked his tongue around your nipple, moaning when he felt how it hardened almost instantly. He held you firmly by your sides and licked every inch of it mercilessly. 

He bit your nipple teasingly and you flinched a little, gasping loudly. His fingers danced on your lower back for some time, but he decided to move them to your panties and slid them off your ass until they dropped onto the floor.

You stepped out of the flimsy piece of lace and he lifted you up, holding your body firmly in his strong arms.

“Bedroom?” He asked, pressing a soft kiss to the soft skin of your neck.

“You know you can fuck me anywhere you want, Jonathan…” you breathed against his neck, causing a shiver to ran down his spine.

“No, our first time must be on the bed, darling” he rested his head in the crook of your neck for few moments, his heavy breaths ticking your skin.

“First room on the left” you murmured, running your fingers through his hair and he sprinted there, throwing you onto the bed and crawling on top. He licked his fingers before placing his hand on your clit. It wasn’t necessary, because you were already dripping and when he felt your wetness under his palm he just smiled, pressing his mouth back to your neck, nibbling on it and leaving few bruises here and there. He slid his fingers between your folds making you buck your hips towards his touch.

“Oh fuuuck, J-John…” you moaned feeling the heat consuming your body, the waves of pleasure spread all over it. Your head was dizzy from all of those things that happened so quickly.

When he slid two fingers inside you, eliciting another moan from your lips, you whimpered under him, saying your hips to the sides, like you wanted to show him how you want more.

“I like how you moan my name, darling” John purred into your ear, curling his fingers inside you. Few curses rolled off your tongue, as you gripped his wrist and started to fuck yourself on his fingers. With his eyes locked with yours, he unbuckled his belt, letting it fall to the floor with a loud thud, his pants followed shortly right after, sliding down his legs. He stepped out of them and knelled between your legs.

You’ve seen him in his underwear few times, as well as in swimming shorts, but this time… this time he had absolutely nothing under those pants he just took off his bubbly ass and his hard cock was in full glory.

John noticed how you kept staring at him with your mouth agape, gripping his length into his hand, sliding his palm up and down, spreading the precum on his tip with his thumb, “Darling… do you want to feel me inside you?” The question effortlessly escaped from his mouth and all you could do in that moment was to just moan loudly, flicking your tongue across your lower lip.

“F-fuck… John” he leaned closer, licking the soft patch of skin between your breasts, another loud moan leaving your lips, “You’resofuckingbig” you said on a one breath, feeling how he’s positioning himself between your legs, his wet tip brushing against your entrance.

He slid his length inside you, gripping your hip with his one hand, his fingers digging into your skin, while he wrapped the other one around your throat, giving it a light squeeze, “Look at me darling...” few groans left his lips and you opened your eyes to look at him.

The lustful stare of his dark eyes, the way his mouth was open, guttural sounds leaving it with every thrust he made, your hips pressed into each other every time he snapped his towards you. All this made you absolutely melt under his touch. You kept thinking about this moment for such a long time, it always seemed like it was just an unreal fantasy.

Yet everything you two were doing now was more than real.

His hard cock was stretching you nicely, your walls throbbing around him, “J-John… I- oooh fuuck-” you couldn’t finish your sentence when he surprised you with particularly hard thrust, your back arching off the bed. Whimpering loudly, you shut your eyes and his hand is wrapped around your neck tighter.

“Cum darling, cum all over my cock and scream my name when you do it” hearing his words you dig your fingers into his back, scratching it harshly, making sure he’ll have marks the next morning. A mix of curses and praises for your amazing body leave his lips and you feel how your walls start to tighten around him.

“J-John… J-John… I’m close…” he pressed his teeth into your collarbone, nibbling at it, making you swear out loud, as you wrapped your legs around his waist, feeling how your orgasm takes the hold of you.

You were quivering under him, as he thrust into you few more times, his load spilling inside you, your walls clenching around his length, another orgasm consuming you. When you screamed his name, he pressed his body closer to yours, feeling how the waves of pleasure consumed you totally, wrapping his arms around you, holding you firmly like he was scared you could fall off the bed.

Pressing him closer, you scratched the skin at the nape of his neck and he purred into your ear, his head resting on your arm.

“Are you mine now?” You ask him, your lips quivering, the silence between you two almost unbearable by now. John slides himself from you, the empty feeling making you gasp and he just lays right next to you, his head pressed closely to your chest that was still moving up and down quickly, your breathing uneven, heart still raced up.

“Darling, I was always yours” his finger placed under your chin moves your head to the side, so he can look into your eyes, then he moves his face closer to yours, his lips gently kissing yours, “I was yours long before we met.”

[daylilysirius]

Yours

A/N: my first billy piece and my first non hp piece in general so I hope I did it justice! this takes place at the beginning of season two so a little spoiler warning but nothing major I guess

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Warnings: angst (it’s billy after all), lil bit of fluff

Word count: 1.8k

MASTERLIST IN BIO

The knocking at the door at 11:57 at night had been the first thing to disrupt your train of thought all day. Even the incessant phone calls and text messages couldn’t budge you since the news had broken in the morning, you were tempted to just turn the damn thing off and be done with the whole situation already.

All the messages had said the same thing anyway:

“Billy escaped from the hospital.”

You knew what they had all really wanted to say though. Something along the lines of “lock your doors, stay inside, don’t let him find any way to contact you.”

He wouldn’t come looking for you, you repeated that statement in your head all day, and the worst part was you weren’t sure if it actually reassured you or broke your heart even more.

You knew that the ‘accident’ had taken a good chunk of his memory away, you had only been to visit him in the hospital a handful of times but the heartless bastard still had you down as his next of kin so you got updates from his doctor’s every week. He did remember who you were, you were sure of that, but you kept telling yourself over and over again that there was no way he would remember your address. It was too trivial, too insignificant. He had lied to and cheated on you even when he was perfectly healthy, he didn’t really care about you, right? There was no way he would come looking for you. He had no reason to.

Yet here you were, more than ready to go to sleep and spend a few hours blissfully unware of your life falling apart around you, when the knocking began.

No way, you thought, no fucking way.

11:57pm. Maybe you had imagined it. At this time of night, it could just be noisy people on the streets, couldn’t it? It was a Friday after all, or maybe you were just hearing things, you were pretty sure your day had been stressful enough to force your mind to play tricks on you.

Another three consecutive knocks made you bolt out of bed. The time in between them was getting shorter, indicating that your unwelcomed visitor was becoming more desperate for your attention. You quickly darted into your kitchen to grab a knife from the table, it didn’t make you feel safer in any way, shape or form but at least the illusion of protection was there.

More knocks vibrated through your front door as you took a deep breath and swung the door open. There was no point in checking who it was beforehand, you already knew, nobody else would turn up at this time without any warning after everything you had dealt with today.

Billy’s head had turned from surveying the halls to you so quickly you thought he might have given himself whiplash. “Y/N,” He croaked, a worried glint appearing in his eyes just as quickly as it vanished when he spotted the knife in your hand, “can I come in?”

He didn’t wait for a response as he swiftly pushed himself forward, still eyeing up the knife, before closing the door and locking it back up just as fast.

 “W-what?” despite knowing it was going to be him your brain was still having trouble processing the scene unfolding in front of you, “Billy, what the hell?”

“Needed somewhere to go,” He said nonchalantly, eyes looking everywhere but at you as he paced around your living room. You could only guess that he was assessing any and all potential escape routes in case this encounter went pear-shaped for him, “The streets aren’t safe at night.”

You stood frozen in place. You should shout, alert your neighbours somehow so that they could call the police, after all you had the weapon and all the advantages in this situation, but you just kept quiet and stared at him.

His hair was starting to grow back from where it had been shorn down before surgery, it stood up in neat tufts that closely resembled how it had looked after he had come back from his final deployment with the marines. Once upon a time that image had gave you comfort, but now it was just another reminder of how blind you had been.

Billy finally stopped and turned to you, clearly having found whatever it was that he had been searching for. His eyebrows furrowed as he took you in. You were still stood rigid, except for your shaky hands, which really dispelled any threatening image that knife may have possessed, just staring at him.

“Are you okay?” He questioned. You couldn’t help the barked laughter that escaped you, which only caused Billy’s face to crease further.

“Am I okay?” You repeated incredulously, “Am I okay? Let’s see, shall we Billy? Six months ago, I found out that the love of my life was actually a murderous psychopath who lied to me our entire relationship, chose money over basic human morality, sold out our friends, turned into a wanted criminal and managed to find time to cheat on me in the process. Then you went and got your head bashed in in some ‘freak accident’ and everyone said there was no way you were going to survive but now here you are, in the flesh, bringing all this bullshit back onto my doorstep. So yeah, Bill, I’m fucking fantastic.”

Billy sighed and rubbed a hand over his head, like he was planning whatever bullshit he was going to feed you next. “Hear me out, Y/N.” He said after a few minutes of silence.

“Why the fuck should I listen to you?!” You finally snapped, “Why are you even here? Cause you knew I would be dumb enough to let you in, fool me once, right?” You turned away from him, not being able to take his hurt puppy look any longer but he quickly strode forward and grabbed your arm.

“You better get your hands off me right now, Russo, or so help me god.” You swung back towards him, brandishing the knife, all the stress and adrenalin finally getting the better of you.

“Hey, hey,” He put his arms up in surrender, “You’d better put that knife down.”

When you didn’t make any attempt to move he sighed once again, “Let’s not do anything stupid, I’m not here to hurt you.” He said sincerely.

You snorted but put the knife down on the table regardless, “Little late for that.”

The look on his face almost made you back down entirely. His scars weren’t as bad as the doctor had presumed they would be but they were prominent, despite that he was still annoyingly handsome, and the flecks of raised, pink skin seemed to make his dark eyes stand out even more. If anything, he should look dangerous but as he stared at you in the dim light of your living room it was the first time that you had ever seen him look vulnerable.

“I know I don’t deserve your help,” He began, voice softer than you had ever heard it, “and I hate that I’m putting you in this situation, but you’re the only person I have left. You’re the only person in this world that I care about, and those things you said before I… I’m sorry. I wish I could remember them so I could apologise properly but I- I can’t, I can’t…” His voice was getting more strained as he began to shake like a leaf and you could tell he was starting to get himself worked up.

“Okay, Bill, okay,” You quickly gripped his shoulders and gently pushed him to sit down. You went to move back again but Billy gripped your hands and held you close to him. He kept his head bowed down as he huffed long breaths in through his nose and out through his mouth.

The sight of him sat in front of you looking so child-like and scared brought unwelcome tears to your eyes. He was so far from your Bill. The man that would bring you home flowers or chocolates whenever he knew you were feeling down, who would dance to random songs on the radio with you just because it made you laugh, the man who kept you safe in his arms. Except even then he was never really your Bill, because behind all the grand gestures and loving kisses was a ruthless narcissist who would stop at nothing to remain on top. Your Bill was just an illusion.

And you still couldn’t help but love him anyway.

“One night,” your voice cracked, “you can stay for the night, that’s it.”

Billy looked up at you like a deer in headlights but nodded in agreement nonetheless.

You quickly grabbed him a spare blanket and pillows and made up a bed for him on the sofa whilst he stood idly by, twiddling his thumbs as he watched. You gestured towards the make shift bed and Billy gave a small smile as he tucked himself up. Once comfortable he closed his eyes and gave a content sigh, “Much better. You could put every single one of those nurses out of a job.”

You couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped you, Billy’s cracked one eye open at the sound and his first genuine smile in months tugged at the corners of his mouth.

“I’ve missed that sound.” He admitted.

“Goodnight, Bill.” You quickly turned to walk back towards your room, hoping he hadn’t caught the blush rising to your cheeks.

“Y/N, wait.” Billy called out, you stopped and spun to look at him, “will you stay?”

When you didn’t answer straight away Billy sighed and shifted, as if he were making room for you, “I don’t want to get the nightmares again will you… hold me? Just for the night.” His words were rushed and you could tell that his confession had wounded his pride to a degree.

You cursed yourself with every step but reluctantly padded back over to the sofa. It took a few minutes for you both to find a comfortable position but eventually you settled with your head on Billy’s chest as he buried his face into your hair and held tightly onto your waist.

“Thank you.” He said softly. You hummed in response.

“Sleep now, Bill.”

The rational part of your brain was still screaming at you, you weren’t even sure what for at this point, you had made so many bad decisions in such a short space of time you were debating your own stability. The only thing you knew was that no matter how much it hurt you still loved Billy and for the next few hours you could stay here with him peacefully, just like he was your Bill again.

Like you were happy.

Like you were safe.

Like you were together.

And, god, that was worth any and all repercussions.

[bloodraven55]

V6 Soundtrack Review

Here it is... my more organised thoughts on the soundtrack. This is of course just my opinion, and music is very subjective, so feel free to disagree. I’ve covered each of the full songs including the acoustic and remixes individually, and then briefly mentioned some of my favourites from the instrumental pieces at the end since there are a lot of them and I’m not an expert on composition or anything.

Anyway... enjoy!

RISING

Rating: 9/10

Favourite lyric: Love’s the choice we made

Thoughts: I love the shimmering synths at the start and just the general energy. Especially the way the groove picks up with the second verse. Speaking of that part, Casey's deeper vocals there sound amazing. And the rapid beat of the bridge is a surprise but a very welcome one. The lyrics are very uplifting and I like the use of nature imagery. Maybe my favourite opening song.

MIRACLE

Rating: 9/10

Favourite lyric: Desire to preserve life/Is powering the light

Thoughts: I absolutely love the way the opening builds with the drums, piano and guitar combining. And Jeff and Casey's alternating vocals are brilliant. The brass touches are wonderful and very catchy. The creepy, almost discordant bridge is extremely chilling and I like the tonal shift a lot, especially with the way the upbeat section then takes over again almost like the song being taken back from pessimism. The lyrics perfectly embody the show's theme of hope in the face of adversity and they make me feel optimistic.

ONE THING

Rating: 9/10

Favourite lyric: A single light, a single friend/But you’ve made that end

Thoughts: I feel incredibly sad for Neo after this song. I think it was an excellent choice to give her a song since she has no voice or way of expressing her feelings in the show. It really gives her depth and makes me feel a lot of empathy for her. It has a good rhythm and a very memorable melody. I love the way the instrumentation cuts out on “What a sweet release/When you rest in peace” to really add to the impact of the line and emphasise the harmony of the vocals. Also Casey's overlapping vocals on the final chorus are a great addition to enhance the ending of the song. Apart from that the other thing I'm taking away from it is that Cinder is so very dead 😄

LIONISE

Rating: 8/10

Favourite lyric: Watch them fall as I am glorified

Thoughts: I really appreciate how dark and twisted this song sounds. It's the perfect match for Adam himself. Jeff's vocals are almost unhinged and nearly screeching at times, and it fits Adam's mindset well. The lyrics paint a very accurate portrait of how arrogant, narcissistic and self-centred Adam was and how he only wanted power for himself and revenge on all of humanity rather than to truly help the Faunus or to gain equality for them. In particular the shift from “we” to “I” over the course of the song is very clever and a good representation of that. All in all it's not one of my absolute favourites sonically but it's an interesting look into Adam's backstory and a very good track.

BIG METAL SHOE

Rating: 8/10

Favourite lyric: You would be great and terrible but only if you had a brain

Thoughts: The music box intro is wild but it's unique and it makes sense with the nursery rhyme/fairytale lyrics. The guitar riff kicks so much ass and this song just has an amazing groove. Again Casey and Jeff taking turns on the mic creates this wonderful back and forth exchange that really adds to the track. I love all the nursery rhyme and fairytale references in the words and given I didn't expect to like it that much I'm pleasantly surprised by how much I'm a fan of this song.

NEVERMORE

Rating: 10/10

Favourite lyric: Nevermore/You’ll torture my heart and my head

Thoughts: This song just contains so much relief and freedom and it makes me so emotional. Adam had haunted Blake and Yang for so long and they didn't want things to end the way they did but he left them no choice. This track just feels like a release of so much emotion for both of them and it's so intense. They've suffered a lot but now they can finally move forward together without that shadow hanging over them and it's a lot. The references to Lionise with the sole purpose of tearing it apart, plus the use of dialogue from the confrontation in the show, are all fantastic touches to make it even more meaningful too.

Musically, I love the mixture of Blake and Yang's individual styles/themes with the piano and the guitar and the sound of the song really lines up with the lyrics and creates this hugely cathartic anthem for them overcoming their personal demons. Especially the way the music softens and quiets as Blake looks back on her hopes for Adam and the WF that never came true before it kicks back in with a vengeance as she accepts what she has to do to end all the pain that he's caused.

INDOMITABLE

Rating: 10/10

Favourite lyric: Though our body is weak and breakable/The spirit is indomitable

Thoughts: I cried. A lot. It sounds breathtaking. Casey's performance is spectacular. You can feel how much everyone involved in the show and the song love Monty in every second—every note—and it's probably my favourite on the album. I don't know if I can say any more without getting emotional but yes, it’s absolutely beautiful.

FOREVER FALL

Rating: 9/10

Favourite lyric: You’re my forever fall

Thoughts: I cried at this one too. I miss Pyrrha. She didn't deserve the ending she got, but also she died doing what she felt she had to do and she wouldn't have regretted it. She was a true Huntress through and through. I feel so bad for Jaune as well. It's just a whole mess of emotions but it’s a gorgeous song.

ARMED AND READY (ACOUSTIC VERSION)

Rating: 10/10

Favourite lyric: There’s nothing that I won’t do for her

Thoughts: BEEHAW! Okay but seriously it's just crazy and hilarious and brilliant. It's so out there but Casey sells it completely and I love it. Her and Jeff's dual vocals on the chorus remind me of a father/daughter country duo and I can't. It was the last thing I anticipated but I am not complaining at all.

THE TRIUMPH (KAIRI REMIX)

Rating: 7/10

Favourite lyric: We’ll be the ones to touch the sun/The triumph will be ours!

Thoughts: Not much to say here. Remixes are very hit and miss for me but I quite enjoyed this one.

THE PATH TO ISOLATION (HEAVENVIEW REMIX)

Rating: 6/10

Favourite lyric: Mirror, help me/Who am I?

Thoughts: This is one of my favourite RWBY songs of all time in its original form but this version didn't completely do it for me. It just felt a bit weird to me but I didn't mind it, it just wasn't really my thing.

FAVOURITE INSTRUMENTALS

Protecting Each Other - every part of this is so powerful, but the triumphant reprise of the Nevermore melody near the end is what always gets me thought the melodies from This Time, Lionise and Armed and Ready and the choral vocals are great too.

Silver Eyes - it's very calming but those Red Like Roses and This Will Be the Day motifs have me fucked up.

A Delicate Balance - the almost ethereal vocals are awesome and it has a really grand feel that I like.

Our Creation - it's very mellow and chill for the most part but the sudden reprise of Divide and the eerie strings near the end caught me off guard in a good way.

Down the Cannon - it's just straight up badass with the guitar and the choir and the use of Bad Luck Charm is noice.

Trouble Aboard Argus Limited - it's just very epic and bombastic and it gets me hyped.

Flight to Atlas - it's a really nice closer with several character themes included and a cool dramatic ending.

Jaune's Arc - I love the way it swells and the hint of Rising at the end.

OVERALL RATING: 9/10

[softboyuris]

Love of My Life

Roger Taylor x Reader

3.6k+ words

A/N: this is my first fic for Queen and also just in a while, I haven’t written something for fun in a while so there’s that. This is inspired by this post and @blushmis fic of the same name (they were the anon) so go check their story out 

He promised he’d call after the show but that didn’t stop your anxiety from getting the best of you sitting by the phone, leg bouncing up and down. It’s a different time zone. You never really know when the show will be over. He promised. 

Roger and you had been together the better part of three years. You had been Brian’s neighbor for most of your life and he treated you like his little sister so when he went off to university with you two years behind him, you missed him dearly but were relieved to have space. Now you could be the rebellious teen you’d always tried to be but failed cause Brian was always by your side, keeping you out of trouble.

You packed a lot into those two short years. To your surprise, Brian was actually proud of you. Or at least that’s what you thought until he practically forced you to attend the same uni as him. Which you didn’t mind. Brian had become a changed man in college, joining a band, staying out late and going to parties after his gigs.

Your first day was great only because you finally got to see Smile, Brian’s band, perform. Although you weren’t too fond of the drummer when you first met, something between then and now made you fall for him.

As soon as Freddie joined the band, you knew they would be a success. With Freddie’s vocal range and drive and the bands' raw talent and songwriting skills, there was no way they wouldn’t hit the charts one day.

Roger became the infamous playboy, much to your dismay. You hadn’t told anyone of your feelings for the drummer but you always had a sneaking suspicion Brian knew.

After weeks of meaningless bathroom hookups after gigs, hanging off each other at the afterparties and kisses that didn’t even mean much, Roger stopped hooking up with other girls. You two never actually made it official. It was just an unspoken thing that you were his and he was yours. 

Now they were on tour for A Night At The Opera which you sadly were not able to come on due to finances. Rog promised that he would call every Monday night, even if they had a gig and he hadn’t missed one yet, no matter how late in the night it was that he called, you were there to answer.

You missed him more than words could express and could barely wait for him to get home in the following month.

But no matter how much you missed him and trusted him, you couldn’t help but think about all the girls that throw themselves at him during shows and at the afterparties. You had more trust in him than anyone else but there was always going to be a part of your mind that wandered to those thoughts.

Sitting, anxiety bubbling in your stomach, the thoughts get the best of you. What if he was- is cheating? You would never know. He’s a good enough liar although you know he would never want to lie to you. He would be honest and break and beg for your forgiveness.

He hasn’t cheated before so it’s not like you have good reason to think he will. He knows your past and knows that’s something unforgivable in your eyes. And you love the idiot so what are you suppose to do. It’s just, this is the first time you haven’t been by his side during a tour or recording session. You’ve always been there.

When the phone rings you’re not expecting it. Your heart is racing when you pick up the phone, whether from nerves or excitement you don’t know.

There’s lots of noise on the other end. He’s definitely at an afterparty. “Y/N?” Knowing it’s you, he doesn’t wait for a response. “I’m sorry I’m calling so late, I got swept up. It was such a fantastic show.”

“Rog, I can’t-” You were cut off by Roger relaying the same thing you were about to say to him to you before saying he’d call back in a second, “just let me find someplace quieter.”

You place the phone down with a shake in your hands. You know it will be easier for the both of you if you’re out of the picture, at least while they’re on tour. He’s at an afterparty, of course, there will be girls there, but hearing them yell Roger’s name in the background of the call made your stomach churn with jealousy.

You’re phone rings again but this time you’re expecting it, letting it ring through a couple of times before picking up. It’s much quieter on the other end this time.

“Sorry, it was so loud. I couldn’t hear a thing.” Roger’s soft voice comes through the receiver and you have to swallow back the tears closing up your throat. 

“Look, Roger-”

“I miss you. Sorry for interrupting, I know how much you hate when I do that but I really miss you.” You can hear his sad smile through his words, making what you need to say ten times harder.

“I miss you too. But, I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I think it’s best if I stay out of your way.” You can hear Roger start to protest but you cut him off. “It hurts to be apart from you for so long and not having any idea what you’re getting up to. I don’t want to hold you back. I don’t- I can’t be that girl that’s waiting at home for you. I love you. I am sorry. I just think we’ll both be better off this way.” 

You hang up before he can answer, sinking further down into your bed. You don’t bother wiping away the tears, letting them fall as they will while you focus on trying to breathe.

He calls the next morning. And the morning after that. For a week, he calls every morning. You never answer but you know it’s him. You have to keep telling yourself you made the right choice. Now he can do what he wants without being held back by the girl at home.

Nearly half a year later and you haven’t spoken to the band in just about the same amount of time. Brian calls occasionally but you rarely have the heart to answer. As does Freddie, whom you find is easier to talk to. He never brings it up, acts like nothing has happened although he never mentions Roger. But even still, your chats are short and sweet, little updates here and there.

Queen, as a promotion for A Day At The Races, is holding a small concert that is going to be broadcasted. Your friends, being major Queen fans, are throwing a little viewing party. You didn’t want to go but you support the band no matter what’s happened. 

You’re currently sitting beside one of your closest friends, Margaret. Everyone’s been walking on eggshells around you except for her. It’s like the whole party thinks you’ll hear the beginning riff to one of Queen’s songs and have a breakdown. But Killer Queen is playing lightly in the background and it’s having no effect on you. At least that’s what you’re telling people.

The thought of seeing Roger, even if he is hundreds of miles away and on a screen, has got your stomach in knots. About a month after you broke up with him, you started hearing rumours about girls who were successfully throwing themselves at him. You weren’t sure if there was any validity to such statements but a part of you believed them.

“Hey, it’s starting!” Someone whose voice you don’t recognize shouts from the other end of the apartment. Margaret rolls her eyes but only you notice. She’s the one who thought to throw this party and almost instantly regretted it, not being a social person.

Everything runs nice and smooth. They perform wonderfully, no shock there. Freddie has just as much spunk in him as he did when you first met him when he was living in the same flat as Roger.

You hadn’t realized how much you missed them, all of them, and their music. and then the lights started dimming, putting a spotlight on Fred and Brian who started strumming a simple melody on his guitar. You instantly knew what song was about to play and your stomach pinched.

Love of My Life was one of your favorite Queen songs. It was the first song you had heard off of the album after Roger insisted on singing it to you in bed one night. Memories you had suppressed and tried to get rid of came back.

You make it through the rest of the performance but leave shortly after. All you want to do when you get home is collapse face down on your bed and cry. But there’s another thing coming for you when you walk into your flat to your phone ringing, on the last line you suppose.

Forgetting the possibility that it could be Roger, you frantically cross the space of your flat, grasping for your phone from across the counter, “Hello?”

“Oh darling, you answered. It’s been ages.” Freddie’s familiar voice rings in your ears and you find yourself frowning a bit.

“Fred. Yeah, I guess it has been a while.” You force a smile onto your face, sensing that he can tell your upset although you don’t know why. “I saw the show. You guys did wonderfully, as always.”

You can tell Freddie is smiling when he answers, “Why thank you. I do think we did exceptionally well tonight.”

“The rendition of Love Of My Life did get me. You have such a powerful voice.” The words slip from your lips without you noticing. You have no clue why you’ve just told Fred this but you have a sneaking suspicion he does.

“It’s weird. For once, when I sang that tonight it wasn’t for Mary or some lover. It was for you.” Freddie doesn’t have to elaborate for you to understand what he means. “He’s been in a mood since you left him. It’s hard to get him up on stage sometimes dear.”

“I really fucked him up, didn’t I?” You think back to when Freddie was performing tonight. You could vaguely see Roger in the background, taking a rest from playing the drums. He had his eyes closed. You can’t help but think of how many times you’ve cried over him, wondering if it’s the same for him. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“Do you not trust him?” Freddie’s question throws you.

“Of course I trust him. I trust him more than anything else in this world. I just figured it would be easier if I wasn’t there, you know?” You’re nibbling on your lip trying to keep the tears at bay.

“He never cheated. Brian would have literally beat his ass. There would be little of Queen left if he had. Obviously, there were girls all over him at the parties but he never went home with any of them. He only had eyes for you darling. Only has eyes for you.” There’s a moment of silence that seems to stretch on forever. Freddie doesn’t say anything even though you’re sure he can hear your sniffles.

“I love him.”

“He loves you.” The words come from Fred’s mouth almost as soon as you’ve finished saying your own and you have to pause to breathe.

“But Fred, I’ve been cheated on before. Every guy I’ve dated has cheated. And Rog.. well Roger’s built to cheat, he’s got the reputation to back him up.” You know it’s not a good argument. Whatever you say won’t be good enough because you know Roger was one of the best things to ever happen to you and you blew it.

“You didn’t blow it, sweetheart. He still loves you, don’t think he’ll ever stop. It’s bloody annoying really. Won’t get out of his stupid funk.” Another beat of silence and you know he’s right but he doesn’t give you time to agree. “We’re doing some finishing touches on our album tomorrow. You should come down. Mary’ll be there and the boys would love to see you after all this time.”

“We’ll see Freddie.” Is all you say back before goodnights are exchanged. If you weren’t mistaken, you could hear Freddie telling Roger something about you as you hung up the phone.

You do show up. Of course, you do. When the Freddie Mercury, your beloved friend, asks you to come watch them record you come. There is no saying no even if you want to postpone this confrontation as much as possible.

You’re laughing at something Mary has said when you bump into someone passing through the doorframe. You snap your head around uttering an apology but stopping in your tracks.

Roger looks at you, expression ranging from angry to happy to sad in a matter of seconds. And then he’s turning around. Huffing his way over to his drum kit which he starts tweaking immediately. Probably more as a distraction than anything else.

“Darling, you came!” Freddie beams, throwing his arms around you. He gives you a quick hug and peck on the cheek before taking Mary’s hand and pulling her into the other room.

When you turn around Brian and John are walking up to you. You smile brightly at Brian, engulfing him in a bear hug, and giving John a tight squeeze before leaning back to look at the two of them. “It’s been a while.”

“Feels longer than only a few months,” Brian says.

“We’ve missed you.” John chimes, giving a bright smile.

“All of us,” Brian says noticing your gaze wondering in between them to the drummer behind them, making his hands busy with his drums. You look up with a half smile and sad eyes. “He’s been in a mood.”

“Fred told me.” You sigh. “But that doesn’t mean he misses me.” You cross your arms over your chest.

Brian gives you an all-knowing look. “We’ll give you two some space,” John says, ushering Brian out the door. You start to protest but the door is shut in your face before you can get the first word out.

You slowly turn around on the balls of your feet, biting your lip, not realizing how hard, and wincing as a result. Roger looks up from his drums for a split second. Your eyes are trained on the ground. “I would say I’m sorry but,”

“You’re not?” Roger finishes in question. He’s moved around to the back of his drums, standing in front of the stool and looking at you accusingly. Although you can see the sadness in his eyes.

“No. Because sorry isn’t good enough. Saying I messed up and breaking up with you was the biggest mistake of my life isn’t something you’d accept.” You hadn’t realized you were getting choked up until you felt a tear fall down your cheek. 

“But it’s true. I fucked up. I fucked you up. I made the biggest mistake of my life breaking up with you and I am sorry. Really truly sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“But you did.” You look up to see Roger’s features have softened. “You hurt me. You broke my heart. And yet I still love you. How fucked up is that? I know you broke up with me because you thought it would be easier but it’s the exact opposite. I thought you trusted me.” His voice is getting louder and firmer and his last statement hurts your heart. He knows how much you value honesty and trust in a relationship.

You’ve moved towards him, halfway to his drum kit. Your hands involuntarily reach out for his which is why you stopped far enough away that you can’t touch him. “I do, Rog. I trust you more than anything else in the universe. But not knowing, it got the best of me.”

“I would never cheat on you. Never.” The finality of his statement makes you want to close the distance between you two and hug him like it’s the last time you’d ever get to.

“I know.” Your voice is small and frail and your trembling, which you hadn’t noticed before. “Trust me, I know. Just- fuck. I love you so god damn much and not being able to see you every day was tearing me apart. And with my past, although it’s no excuse-”

You hadn’t realized that Roger had moved around his drum kit and was now standing in front of you. “It’s no excuse but it’s still valid as a reason.” You didn’t have the heart to look him in the eyes, opting to stare at the intricate pattern of the carpet.

Roger made it hard for you not to look at him when he got down on his knees, looking up at you. When your eyes locked, you could see all the love he still had for you mixed with pain in his eyes. “I love. I always will. And I know you haven’t forgiven me yet,”

“forgiven you?”

Roger shushes you, reaching into his pocket. You choke as he brings the box into your eye line. “You haven’t forgiven me yet but I forgive you even though I don’t think you were wrong for what you did. I never cheated. I would and will never cheat on you but I understand fully why you’d think I would. I was going to do this after the tour ended but naturally, I couldn’t. And I’ve got nothing to lose.

“Y/N, I love you so much more than I can probably express in words but I’ll try. I love how you laugh and cry and smile and get angry and jealous. I love how your history is a part of you but not who you are. I love that you don’t take anyone's shit and you stand up for what you believe in even if the world isn’t listening. I love that you love me despite my petty tantrums and outbursts. I love how you are always there for me and somehow predict what I’m going to do next better than I do.

« I love how easily we work together and how smooth things have been for us. Even through the fights, we know we are bigger than them and get through it. I love how you tug on my hair in bed and how easy you are after gigs,” you glare at him for that one but it’s with a smile.

“I love how easy it is to love you. And I want that, well forever if you’ll have me. So please, even though it’s cheesy, make me the happiest man in Queen and marry me Y/N.”

Somewhere in his speech, he opened the box. You weren’t paying attention, too lost in his words to notice. But it’s a small little diamond, nothing extra or big. It’s exactly what you had described as the perfect ring to Roger nearly eight years ago when you first met and he said he was gonna marry you someday.

Before you’re even nodding yes, Roger is taking the ring out of the box, and slipping it on your ring finger. “Of fucking course, I’ll marry you, Rog.”

Your smile is one that cannot be concealed even when he leans in to kiss you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you ridiculously close to him. But you smile into the kiss anyway. One which turns heated very quickly. In both your defenses, you haven’t seen each other in over a year with him having been on tour before everything happened. 

You’re laying on the scratchy carpet behind the drums, a sweaty, shirtless Roger collapsed on top of you when there’s a knock at the door.

“I don’t know if it’s make-up or break-up sex but we only have the studio for a certain amount of time,” John shouts through the door at the two of you.

“Oh let the lovers be.” You can hear Freddie retort followed by Mary’s laugh.

Roger is quick to help you dress, not worrying about buttoning up his shirt as John manages to get the door open. “It was never locked buddy,” Roger says as John staggers in, not expecting the door to open.

He gives Roger a baffled look as Brian eyes the two of you and Freddie smirks. “Looks like Rog is in a better mood.”

“Oh fuck off Freddie.” He scoffs, fixing his hair which looks disheveled thanks to you. You give him a smirk as you make your way over to Mary, taking her hand and leading her into the room over.

“So...” Mary inquires as she sits down beside you on the sofa. You pour yourself some water, offering her some as well which she gladly accepts.

“So what?” You return, taking a sip of your water. Mary’s eyes go wide, almost dropping her cup. “What?” She carefully puts hers and your drink down before grabbing for your left hand.

“What is this?” She asks, examining the ring.

“What do you think it is?” You can’t help but smile.

Mary looks up at you, not dropping your hand before looking to Roger in the studio who gives you a wink. “I can’t believe it. The bastard finally did it.” She looks back over to you, matching the smirk on your face. “Looks like he loves something more than his car.” 

“Finally.”

[fourteenacross]

So, if you don’t follow me on other social media, I had..........kind of a crazy weekend!

If you are unaware, @twentyghosts and I have been friends for twenty years this year. We met after I joined a mailing list she ran because a mutual friend told me it was full of other people who loved Rent. Online fandom was just finding its feet and most fannish stuff happened on bulletin boards, mailing lists, or people’s personal fansites. It was 1999 and we were fourteen and now it’s twenty years later and we’re still friends and we have literal decades of inside jokes and weird shit we’ve made up together (including a successful podcast), but it all started because of Rent.

So, when Renata got a chance to attend the dress rehearsal for Rent Live and asked me to go with her, it felt very narratively satisfying.

Rent was a HUGE part of my adolescence. I can’t overstate that fact. Between 1998ish and 2005, I saw the musical on Broadway (and a couple times on tour) dozens of times. I made many lasting friendships, people I’m still friends with today. I learned all sorts of skills, including HTML and CSS, but also things like how to socially interact with a “celebrity” in a way that’s not massively embarrassing, how to manage a group of people and delegate tasks, how to be an adult human person on your own in the world. I had a really bad break-up with Rent in the mid-aughts thanks to some friendship issues, but it’s been over ten years and I’ve moved on enough to appreciate what the show has given me. This show is a part of my DNA and always will be, for better or for worse.

(And yes, I’m aware that the show has issues and is “problematic,” as the kids like to say, but it’s also a product of its time and it wasn’t like there was a ton of stories about queer people in the mainstream media in the mid-nineties. We’ve come a long way, and that’s good, but it doesn’t negate the importance of the show Back In The Day.)

Anyway.

Renata and I went on this whirlwind three day trip to LA to attend the dress rehearsal. If you watched the show last night, you know that Brennin Hunt broke his ankle during the dress rehearsal and that the bulk of the final aired product was taken from that dress rehearsal. Life is weird!

We managed to squeeze in some touristy things and see a friend from that mailing list we met on twenty years ago, but the highlight of the weekend was, of course, Saturday night’s show. We had zero idea what to expect--Renata won the tickets in a contest and the contest people weren’t super forthcoming with the actual details of what was happening. The people from Fox were a little better, but we still showed up at the Fox Studio lot on Saturday largely unsure of what was going to happen.

We were given red wrist bands and led all the way to the side of the lot to stand on line with other red wristband holders. We ended up seated in the “back” of the stage, where “La Vie Boheme” and “I’ll Cover You” were staged, along with some other little bits of the show. We could sort of see other stuff happening on other parts of the stage, but there were monitors as well, that showed what the cameras were filming as it happened.

The dress rehearsal ran through exactly like a live taping would. An emcee told us what to expect and walked us through how the taping would occur. It started at 5pm on the dot and was expected to end at 8pm on the dot. They would run through the show and stop for commercial breaks, during which we could stretch and talk while they set up the next “act” of scenes. There was a countdown from each commercial break and the show started up again and ran straight through til the next. The emcee warned us that the footage would likely be used in commercials and behind the scenes footage and special features on the eventual DVD release, so if we were sitting next to someone we “shouldn’t be sitting next to,” that we should move. (Of course, it ended up being much more than that, but...that’s life!)

We had joked a lot during the run up to the show. We didn’t know anyone in the cast except for BVD, Vanessa Hudgens, and sort of Jordan Fisher. We didn’t know what to expect or if we’d even like it. We were still half-convinced the whole thing was an elaborate joke.

But, dang, what a night.

Straight up, I started crying when the song “Rent” started. It was just such a visceral moment--I always get amped up and emotional at that part anyway, but I just couldn’t believe where I was and what was happening and who I was with. It was profoundly emotional in a way I can’t quite describe. Like seeing an old friend after a decade apart, I guess.

Overall, I had a fantastic time. I loved the performance--it was super high energy and emotional. I loved most of the changes they made and the way they adapted the material for the medium. I loved how they made the Life Support group a bigger part of the narrative and how they wove “Seasons of Love” into it. The whole thing felt incredibly true to the spirit of the show. I saw people on Twitter complaining about changed costumes and slightly altered lyrics, which was confusing after a bunch of these live musicals where they added new parts and new songs and all that shit. Like, it’s 2019, a lot of kids watching WEREN’T EVEN BORN when Rent came out. I think it’s good that they added narrative context. Things might make sense to those of us who saw it fifty times in 2002, but less so for people who are so divorced from what the world was like when the show takes place.

Anyway, here are some more random thoughts I wanted to get down, including some stuff I said on Twitter:

Mark’s added narration really helped frame the story while simultaneously acting as another barrier that kept him apart from the rest of the group, which really worked for me.

It was super hard to divorce myself from Rent as a stage show when it came to certain aspects of the experience of watching it. For example, I didn’t start applauding after OSG even though it was a great performance because you don’t applaud after OSG! Mimi comes in too quickly and it slides right into “Light My Candle,” so I wasn’t even prepared to do it. Same with a couple other song breaks.

Also, the designated pee break, “I Should Tell You,” was unavailable as we were not allowed to leave the sound stage once filming started.

The audience was CRAZY for Jordan Fisher. Too crazy--there was a quick reshoot at the end because the screaming at the start of “Rent” was so loud it blew out the actors’ vocals. (more on that later)

There were a couple things that I missed, like “You have to get out of the house,” because sometimes when you accidentally create an entire mega ship you can’t ever shake how much you ship the characters, but I think that they did a good job of adding in enough of Mark’s caretaking in that scene that it would have been redundant.

Most of the line changes seemed to be about contextualizing the show for a 2019 audience or removing things that were inappropriate for television, but there were a couple small changes that didn’t seem rooted in either things, but were objectively MUCH BETTER LINES. “You wanna produce films and write songs? / You need somewhere to do it. / It’s what we used to dream about; / think twice before you pooh-pooh it” was switched to “You wanna produce films and write songs? / You need somewhere to perfect it. / It’s what we used to dream about; / think twice before you reject it” AND THAT IS JUST OBJECTIVELY A MUCH BETTER LYRIC. People were so mad at the change and like....chill, my friends! I have probably seen Rent more times than you, stop trying to seem superior by bashing what is an OBJECTIVELY BETTER LYRIC.

Maureen’s costume and props were AMAZING in OTM. Renata said something like, “I can’t believe that we ever thought Maureen WOULDN’T be super over the top for that number!” and she’s right--with all we know of Maureen, ridiculous props and costume felt right on target.

I liked how the use of cameras helped highlight some small details of the show people might have missed in the staged version. At the end of “Happy New Year B,” when Mimi is “comforted” by The Man, Mark lingers in the doorway to the building and witnesses the interaction. A bunch of people I follow on twitter hadn’t even noticed that when they saw it on stage, and I think it’s such an important moment.

Ditto with the staging of “Without You.” The guys behind us at the show were so confused that Roger was in the hospital bed because, despite having seen the staged show multiple times, the minimalist staging of that scene didn’t make it clear to them that Roger was sick for part of that song. (I, on the other hand, wrote at least three fics about it. It was my favorite stupid angsty thing to delve into for like, six months in 2003.)

I had never heard of Kiersey Clemons before this and she legit was one of my favorite parts. She’s amazing.

After ICY:R, which blew the doors off the place, predictably, BVD exited by our audience section and people started spontaneously sobbing and cheering again as he walked by. He was so fucking incredible.

Jordan Fisher’s real life tears during “Halloween” MURDERED ME.

Okay, so, like most dumb nerd kids who got into Rent in 1998, Mark was my favorite character. I loved him, I super over-related to him, I wrote a zillion words of fic about him, etc. And, honestly, I didn’t know what to expect from Jordan Fisher. But my god, if he wasn’t my favorite part of the show. He fucking nailed it. He was perfect. He was able to pull all of the things I love about Mark from all the different performances I’ve seen and completely encapsulate it in what he did. I walked in like, “eh, whatever” and walked out like, “I WOULD DIE FOR THIS ACTUAL TWELVE YEAR OLD CHILD WHO PLAYED MARK TONIGHT.” 

My favorite segment of the show is “Halloween” through “What You Own.” Predictably. And it was super on fire. Everyone totally nailed all of the emotional highs and lows of those songs. It was so intense and perfect.

HOWEVER.

The one thing they cut that I got legit mad about was the “For someone who’s always been let down...” Mark/Roger exchange. That exchange is important to me and important to that relationship (no matter how you read it) and I was so bummed that it was cut. Most of the changes/deletions didn’t bother me, but that one rankled.

(As my friend Jen reminded me on Twitter, they could have at least replaced it with the NYTW “Love you” exchange.)

“What You Own” was amazing, even though Renata was bummed they cut the “Compulsive Bowlers” line. (If you are unaware, the main Rent message board, which we were both a part of, Renata for much longer than me, was called “Compulsive Bowlers.”)

Okay, so it was after WYO, off stage, that Brennin Hunt hurt his foot. We had no idea anything was wrong at first; we stretched and sat at the end of the commercial break and there was no countdown. Nothing. A few people started running back and forth across the stage, including Jordan Fisher a couple times. No updates, no information. The lights came up. Still no updates. Finally, someone got on mic and explained that Brennin had hurt his foot and that he was determined to finish the show, so they needed a few minutes to reblock the last couple scenes. 

They also informed us at this point that the whole OBC was there (which we knew from social media) and that there was going to be surprise at the end.

I immediately guessed what the surprise was, and was slightly mad at myself for it, because I thought I would be less emotional knowing what was coming.

(Spoiler alert: I was not)

So they brought Brennin out, carried across the stage by two other people with his foot in an aircast. They set him up on the table, got all the lights and things set again, and finished out the show.

There was one terrible/hilarious/terrible moment, where they find out Mimi is sick, where Roger would normally run to the “window” in anguish. Instead, they just cut to Brennin screaming “NOOO!” while sitting perfectly still. We laughed. I feel bad about it, but...I couldn’t help it.

The end was great (another great line replacement: “Time to see what we have, time to see” became “Now we measure how that year has passed,” which is SO MUCH BETTER), etc

And after the finale, when I was already sobbing, they lower this “Rent - 1996 - 2019″ banner and when they raise it, THE OBC IS THERE.

Which, of course I knew the OBC was going to come out and sing SOL. Of course they were. But that did not stop me from losing my shit and full on sobbing.

I still can’t believe that part happened.

Some other highlights: Jordan Fisher and Vanessa Hudgens were so incredibly gracious to their fans. They had very limited free time between “acts” and commercials, but they made a point of giving out as many waves and high fives and smiles as they could in their limited time.

At one point, during a commercial break, Jordan Fisher walked by where Anthony Rapp was sitting in the audience and stopped to shake his hand and talk to him and I got very emotional watching that.

Brandon Victor Dixon is just............so wonderful??? At everything???

We had detailed instructions on when to hold up our candles during “Will I?” and they told us many times that we couldn’t take them with us, but Renata and I were annoyed that we were unable to steal posters and screenplays, as is our right as annoying Rentheads.

(If you know a person who went to Rent like it was their job as a teenager, they probably have at least one “poster” or “screenplay” or “stash” that was stolen from the set.)

They had a lot of nice nods to the classic costumes in places, especially on the ensemble.

I loved how diverse the ensemble was wrt age. That’s not something you get a lot of in the stage show (which makes sense given the cast limitations and needing understudies, etc) that really added to the show.

And, listen, you can take the shipper out of the fandom, etc, but dang, I remember why I accidentally started a fandom revolution by creating Mark/Roger. Mark is SO in love with Roger, my friends.

(Also, my rarepair, Mark/Benny, which I will forever love as well.)

Everyone was so talented and gracious and really seemed to be putting their all into what was happening. The energy was intense and amazing and electric.

They needed to do one quick reshoot at the end because, like I said, the cheering at the start of “Rent” blew out the sound of the first few lyrics. They reshot just starting from “The power blows...” and asked the people in the SRO pits to not ACTUALLY scream this time, but for everyone else to scream and cheer like we did the first time. Jordan Fisher ran through Mark’s first verse and then started in on Roger’s first verse before they cut it and thanked us all for our help, and I stg I’d watch that child’s one man show version of Rent. He was super into it 😂

And I’m gonna finish with this, cut directly from Twitter:

Look, I know this show has issues and is, as the kids like to say, problematic, but it literally brought me almost every good thing I currently have in my life. I met Becca through Rent fandom a hundred million years ago, and that's why I moved to Boston with my amazing Boston friends. I met Renata through Rent fandom and that's why I have a podcast. I met SO MANY PEOPLE who are still dear to me because of this show.

Some of my longest fandom relationships - @isjustprogress, Jen, Priscilla, and a ton more I'm probably entirely forgetting because I'm so emotional right now. If we start breaking off tangentially, I know @leiascully through Renata, and @coffeesuperhero through Mary. I know all of my Boston friends because of Becca. I know so many of you because of Renata and the podcast.

Rent was a thing that happened to me at the exact right time in my life, first online and then in person. I feel like a huge amount of my independence as an adult started to bloom when my parents would let me go into the city alone to meet up with Rent friends. This show is a part of who I am, for better or for worse, and getting to see that performance last night, with one of my best friends in what will be the twentieth year of our friendship was just...enormously powerful and special to me.

So that is............pretty much all of it! I might try and jot down more notes as things come to me, but I am very hungry and want to write a few more words of fic today, so I’m leaving it here for now. Thanks for reading this nonsense, if you did, heh 😅