#though it's almost typical for their relationship THOUGH THIS TIME IT WAS A BIT EXTREME | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shuamorollss · 10 months

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Wishing we were more than friends — sim jaeyun x fem!reader

Going home with friends you easily get along with are fun, what isn't fun is to linger feelings for one of them. Already in a course to move on from your silly feelings... you would never expect that very friend you're trying to move on from, starts to develop feelings for you back.

romance, angst, friends2lovers, Italicized parts means flashbacks warnings— Jake kinda gives reader mixed signals, tension but idk if this should still be a warning lol, pls tell me if i should add more! 6.9k wc + reblogs are greatly appreciated!

author's notes— Thank you to my lovelies @haerinz and @luvistqrzzz for proofreading I love u both sm!! I wouldn't hv made this fic better without y'all's help <3 this is kinda inspired by some events that happened to me irl! it was cute to reminisce these memories so I wrote them down here HAHAHAHAHA

perm tags— @jangwonie @jungwonize @luhvlyuna @w3bqrl @ineedaherosavemeenow @leaderwon

After school rolled by fast. The next thing you knew, you were walking home with Seeun, Tsuki, Sunghoon, and Jake.

You all lived in the same neighborhood, hence why you all have stuck together in order to get home safely, due to your hometown being a bit too far away to where you all go to school.

Adding to that, all of you are different people. Different tastes, different years, different cliques in school, yet all of you get along so well when united. Honestly, you absolutely cherish this bond and you never want this friendship with them to fade.

You have a good relationship with all of them, although you have one of a rocky road with Jake.

He was quiet, he never talks as much, and when he does, he only talks to Sunghoon.

You've had a conversation with him from time to time, it was rare due to the fact you had lingering feelings for the man, and that feeling caused you to be vulnerable whenever he's near, which affected your demeanor around him.

Only Seeun knew your admiration for Jake, and she never told a soul, thankfully.

This feeling of yours lasted for a while, until you promised to yourself (and to Seeun) that by the end of that very year, you'll be moving on from your romantic feelings for him.

And that's what exactly happened.

New years rolled around, and so was back to school sessions. Nowadays, you are able to talk to Jake normally unlike before. You were extremely proud of this development, considering you were head over heels for him nonstop for the past 4 months… You saw sides of Jake you wished you saw sooner. He was a funny guy, typically quiet at best, though when he speaks, he'll tell the craziest stories that'll get you hooked.

Even with the improvements on your friendship with Jake and the feeling of butterflies never seems to be present anymore.

Jake eventually found out about your past feelings for him though.

During a silly game of truth or dare.

"Alright! Who's next!" Sunghoon sneered, holding the bottle on the ground as he spun the bottle.

Everyone decided to come by to your house to cook and watch movies, though after the watch, they all decided to stay and have more fun. Thus, right at this moment, you all were playing the very harmless truth or dare game.

Everyone formed a circle, some of them hastily drumming on their thighs as they intensely waited for the bottle to land on someone.

As the bottle slows down, they all teased Sunghoon, who was beside you, and had the bottle almost landing on him. The intensity of the bottle moving at a snail's pace infuriates Sunghoon, cussing their teases off. Until he lets out a triumphant yell as the Bottle stops to you.

"Please thank you! Thank you bottle." Sunghoon teared up, as if he just won an academy award.

"So Y/N," Seeun started, and your heartbeat quickened, already expecting the question that would be asked.

It's Seeun, she knows your darkest secrets, you were so sure she'll step on the opportunity to ask about… Jake.

Seeun paused, her eyes widened to your direction.

"Just to make sure, is it okay if I get personal?" Seeun asked calmly, and you knew that she was definitely, totally, going to ask about what you expect her to ask about.

"Of course, I'll answer anything honestly, I swear." You retorted, giving Seeun a warm smile as everyone in the circle started breathing out deep 'ooh's as if you had just said something vile.

"Did you like anyone in our circle, and if you did, Who was it?" Seeun cheekily smiled

Truthfully, you were indeed confident in answering any questions even if it's personal. Maybe this might also be the time to finally confess your faded feelings to Jake, since you seemed to notice now that you were way too obvious back then, therefore Jake's reaction might not be so surprised by the time you mention his name in your answer, moreso, it would be a neutral reaction as if he expected it in the first place.

You ponder for a moment, looking at your friends in the circle intently, though your eyes stay at Jake for a few seconds, then back to Seeun.

"Yeah, I did like someone," The tone of your voice was assured, which made some of them let out another segment of 'ooh's and 'oh's, and some of them just widening their eyes, including Jake.

You sigh idly, "It was Jake…"

That name alone caused everyone to freak out, all the eyes and attention transferring to the man across you.

You didn't want them to take the wrong Idea, especially Jake, so you stood up in order to plead your case.

"To be clear, I USED to like you okay! I don't like you anymore." You reconfirm, Jake only nodded with a wide smile, and that was enough for you to calm yourself down as everyone else were still freaking out.

Jake shared his thoughts and reaction to your confession, and rest assured to you that he didn't feel the same for you ever, and that was enough for you to hear since this had encouraged your romantic feelings for him to dissolve completely, seeing him more in a platonic light.

After that silly confession of truth you had answered, said again, your friendship with Jake grew. Finally teasing and joking with him without having your heart flipping out by the mere sight of him, and of course, telling him stories.

You were content with that type of bond, and you were glad you were as equally close to all of them now, especially Jake.

That is…

until you two weren't.

Again.

5 months have passed since that truth or dare game, the normal still continued. You all usually go home together after school and when hungry the five of you always go to the mall and eat there instead.

Though during those days, you began developing a crush on a new guy, just a cute barista you knew at a local café. Joking about having slight interest in him to your friends was funny and tolerable, until it became a normal delusion for you to see him in that kind of light.

Those were also the days Jake started being distant to you, as if the old days relieved itself once again.

You had no idea why, but since you were too preoccupied with your new crush, you didn't think much of it.

A month later has passed, you completely had gotten over that barista crush you had, and now you were already studying for your final exams, though your mind was clouded with Jake.

You curse at your conscience. Scolding yourself saying that you're already over him way too long ago, and that you were so sure that his feelings never involved ever liking you back ever, even once.

So why…

Why did that night happen?

"Wow, Y/N," Jake speaks out softly, his eyes sparkling at the sight of your prom attire.

"Is it bad? I didn't have time to do my hair so I just went with this really lazy Elsa hairdo—"

"You're beautiful." He grins from ear to ear, in which you subconsciously mirror his expression. The silence was too loud for the air between the both of you. You were unable to move, as well as your eyes that didn't seem to look elsewhere other than his eyes.

He looked dashing with his tux, and you couldn't get yourself to tell it to him.

You didn't need to, Jake already knew just by the looks of you staring at him, there was no need for him to even ask.

He took a step forward and reluctantly, yet gently offered you his hand.

"May I have this dance… With you?"

You took a few seconds to answer, darting your gazes to his visage and down to his idly shaking hand in front of you.

You took a deep breath, placing your hand on his, and that was enough for Jake to know that you wanted it. You wanted to dance with him.

You walk with him to the dance floor, your eyes never leaving his figure, even when you two have already started to dance.

The way his hands were placed on your waist left you with a burning mark on your cheeks, most likely your whole body. Everything in your body felt like numbing out just by the bare of his hands. Your hands nervously snakes up to the back of his neck, and the stars in your eyes only showed up when the man was in view.

There was only silence between you, and it's not the silence you fear anymore. It was more of a silence you two were fond of. The sole fact that you two have never been this close before, and this dance being the very first time you get to feel Jake up close as this, made you feel warm and comfortable. The same thing goes for Jake.

He couldn't take his eyes off of you, he never wanted to anyway. All he could see is you and only you, and that's what made the atmosphere in your little couple bubble perfectly complacent.

"So…" Jake whispered, breaking the silence between you and him. Feet continues to dance through the rhythm

"So…?" You repeated, raising a brow confusingly.

"About the barista… Are you perhaps… over him?"

You chuckled, at the man's words. It was out of nowhere for him to ask about your past crush. You never considered this question and it didn't seem like he's curious about your feelings either… it's that this was the first ever conversation you're having with him after a few weeks of not talking.

You two still proceed to hangout due to being in the same friend group. Although, conversations were never present between you and Jake.

So him having these as his first words to you left you stunned, however you are not about to show him that. Given that you already stated that you have moved on from him… right?

"I'm very much over him. Why do you ask?" You tilt your head slightly due to curiosity.

"Good." He flashed a grin, staying silent after, realizing that he completely ignored your question.

You didn't want to keep asking and get him mildly annoyed, so you only stayed quiet.

Just how Jake wanted it.

The two of you continued to dance, it has been a few minutes and your feet still followed the rhythm of the song. You didn't seem to want to let go of him just yet, and so did he.

Jake was intoxicated by the smell of your perfume, inhaling then following that sweet aroma coming from your neck, as if he was attracted to it, leading him to lean his head on your shoulder.

Jake's eyes were closed, feeling the moment, as he squeezed your waist tighter, causing your body to feel against his.

You seem to lose control over your body. You felt like plopping down like a blob any minute. Despite that feeling, all it could do was just follow the steps to the rhythm of Jake's feet. Your eyes only stayed widened the whole time, feeling the warmth of his skin touching your bare shoulder was something you couldn't bear. You wanted to break down right at the moment, your heart was palpitating for the reason of your position right now.

"I'm glad." Were the very words Jake had said before his lip placed a peck at the side of your neck, letting out a faint gasp as that contact alone completely freezes your entire body. Jake stands back after, his eyes centered to his hand that was tenderly sliding down your arm and onto your hand.

"Let's go?"

You look at him and nod slowly as he holds your hand. following Jake out of the dance floor, guiding you back to your table and leaving you once he had finally taken you to your seat.

Then he never came back for you for the rest of the event.

You felt breathless, you were in a complete daze while reminiscing that thought. Leaving you frustrated for the reason of losing focus of your current studies.

"How else can I focus if all I could think about is Jake, Jake, and Jake?! " You groaned. Ranting endlessly to yourself, slumping your body on the soft mattress of your bed, completely surrendering your studies and promising yourself to continue tomorrow instead, by the time you get home.

You were babbling to the air for a good minute until your phone started to ring. Immediately picking it up to see Seeun's name calling.

"Hey? What's up?" You started.

"Sorry to keep this phone call short Y/N, but I'll text you more of the deets after. I'm not gonna go to school tomorrow because of an emergency and I was wondering if I could give you all my homework requirements tomorrow before you go to school? Just give it to Sheon please… Sorry for the bother I really am." Seeun stated, sounding petrified.

You quickly obliged to her simple favor thinking her situation must be grave since Seeun wasn't the one to skip classes whenever she pleases, so after the phone call, Seeun texted you once more of the details of her situation and why she couldn't come to school the next day.

School period ended early due to the heavy pour of the weather. Although even with the beneficial period cutoff, you didn't bring an umbrella. Only hoping that one of your friends has a spare, or could share with you.

You waited under a tree beside the gate of your school. now you're only waiting for the rest of the gang to come by… Though only one came.

"Let's go." Jake opened the umbrella, tilting his head in a direction where you all normally headed.

"Huh? Aren't we gonna wait for the rest?" You asked confusingly, looking back to the school in case you'd spot either Tsuki or Hoon.

"Sunghoon went home early due to an emergency, Tsuki just didn't go to school, and Seeun texted me saying to pass her excuse letter to her adviser… They didn't tell you?" Jake's perplexed expression intimidated you, you only knew Seeun's case although not the rest, so you only shrugged as a response and not by words.

So you'll be walking home with Jake… only. Just the two of you, in one umbrella.

Jake notices you being empty umbrella-handed, and so he walks closer to have you jumping in it with him.

"Come on, let's just share." He offered, in which you immediately accepted. You know he was Jake, though you were desperate to at least be kilometers far from school

A few walks far away from school, the two of you haven't said a word to each other. The awkward air you felt suffocated the most is present, and your muddled thoughts and memories, especially the time with him at the prom, didn't help you regain the confidence to break such an air… Though you had the gut feeling you had to at least talk to him, now that you're this close once again, reminding you of the distance you two had during the prom.

You winced at that memory, causing the other to look at you discerned.

"Is everything okay?" He asked timidly, stopping his tracks as his eyes focused on your disgusted expression.

"I-I'm fine, I just… remembered something super embarrassing." You reasoned, not wanting to tell him what really overcame in your head.

Jake slid it off and continued walking, it was another long series of silence between you and Jake once again.

You swore 2 months ago you were just nudging his arms because of his jokes… Why would you both feel this awkward and have your friendship with him regress after it was doing so well.

The next thing you knew, you two were already in your neighborhood, a few more walks until Jake reached his home, and then yours.

You thought to yourself that Jake would go home then pass you the umbrella instead, however to your surprise, Jake walked past the gate of his home which left you with questions.

"Are you walking me home?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Oh, nothing. I just thought you were gonna stop by your house and give me your umbrella instead, since my home is still a few more walks from yours."

"It's raining hard, you shouldn't be out here on your own—"

As he was about to end his sentence, a loud thunder struck and white lightning flashed the sky, causing you to shriek, holding the umbrella to cover you well from the pouring rain.

"Oh my god.." You muttered, Tightening the grip of the umbrella handle that Jake was also holding.

"Oh god— I'm sorry, let's get home fast please." You yell out in fear, your heart rapidly beating as if another flash of lightning and shriek of thunder was about to come by in a few seconds. Your fearful grip on the umbrella still stayed, as you started walking at a fast pace that Jake immediately catched up on, which goes on until you both have reached your home.

You both stood at the front of your porch for a short minute, you had no idea why Jake stopped his tracks, you only stopped for the reason that he stopped first.

and so without having much patience, you recklessly hopped on to the porch, partially getting yourself wet, even if your hand was still at the contact of Jake's umbrella handle. Before you moved completely to avoid getting more drenched from the rain, you felt another hand gently placed on top of yours.

Yet again— another series of silence as you two stare at each other's eyes. Jake slowly makes his steps onto your porch. The contact on the umbrella didn't seem to break, as the two of you transferred your gazes to where your hands were placed. You didn't want to let go, yet deep down, you were scared, your head was spinning to nowhere as his hand never let go of yours.

You began to conflict with yourself, your eyes slowly transitioning to a horrified state. A feeling you don't understand— a feeling so puzzling you don't even dare to question, having this whole ordeal with Jake is as just as confusing as your current, incoming, outburst.

"What… is wrong with you?" You let out, eyes welled up, and Jake only stared at your rapid change in demeanor. Your hand intensely retracts the hold on the umbrella as Jake's fingers automatically close the umbrella.

"Y-You're completely all over the place?" Your breath hitched, then facing behind from his view, your hands shrieked due to the heat building up your anger, than more so being it from the cold temperature of the rainy weather.

"I don't know… back then you were so fun to be with but now you have become so distant. I have no idea on how— or what happened that made you like that. I don't know if I did anything wrong or that made you feel uncomfortable in a way because If I did something— anything… I'm so sorry." You ranted, catching your breath as your eyes blazed onto the other, who remained quiet, drooping his eyes down to the wooden floor, unable to respond back.

"But… That one night, that one prom night…" You paused. Jake's head rises as he hears those very words from your tongue.

"You know damn well what I was talking about, do you?"

Jake's unresponsiveness didn't help calming down your systems. Instead, it made you more infuriated.

After a few seconds of silence, waiting for something, at least anything from the man, there was none.

You inhale the cold breeze from the continuous pouring rain just in front of you, as your hands subconsciously brush your hair messily in an infuriating manner. "I don't know what your intentions were that night. The way you asked me about that barista, Yeonjun? If I got over him… and that kiss— the way you kissed my neck? How?!— do you normally just do that to other girls…? 'Cause Jake I've been hanging out with you for the entirety of this school year and I've never seen you do anything like that,"

"Or maybe that truth or dare game? A lot changed after that game, after I confessed my old feelings for you. What did I do?— What happened to you? I assured you they were old feelings but a few months after that you started giving me signals, probably old me would've fan out to be honest... Were you just trying to relive my old feelings for you? Is it because you wanted my feelings to just stay attracted to you? Is that it? Because you are absolutely sick for that Sim Jaeyun… You don't know how vulnerable and conflicted I became when you started to change. I can't even grasp the situation or If I'm saying anything right because— I… don't understand you. One day you'll be quiet and wouldn't even say a single word to me, and then go I'm glad you moved on from mister barista and then leave me by the side and never come back? What was that? " Your voice echoed through the open porch. your words could easily be overlayed by the hard rain in the background yet they were loud enough for the man to comprehend. Every emphasis of the words and events you mention brings Jake back to his mind and recalls those memories that ever happened.

"I'm sorry." Finally a word from him, yet not something you had ever hoped for him to say.

Your comprehension of his response was him apologizing for doing any of the things you have just said. Cracking a part of your heart at the indirect confirmation of the man's intentions.

"I'm sorry..? You're sorry? Sorry?! "

"You're so fucking… fuck— selfish for that! You're nothing but a selfish freak who doesn't— who never thinks about others feelings. Only doing it for their own satisfaction and—"

"You don't know how vulnerable I am at the mere sight of you, Y/N."

You stopped mid sentence, stunned as your eyes darted to his standing figure. You take a few steps towards him, as if you wanted to hear his statement more clearly by the loud thundering climate.

It was at this moment that you realized that the following small thunders and big flashes of lightning didn't seem to startle you. All your focus only went to exposing your wholehearted antipathy to the other.

Jake's breath hitched the same as yours earlier on, it's like it was his turn to let out his jumbled feelings to you.

"There were no spare days where you didn't flood my thoughts. Day and night, Y/N, you were always present and I had no plan on stopping that infestation."

His dark eyes pierced through you, feeling the rush of the heavy wind kiss through your figure.

Despite his confession, you did not give the same treatment to how he was when you were on your outburst.

"Then why? Why would you do all that?"

"Because you told me, well— told us before that you stopped liking me by the time new years rolled around."

"You remembered the new years part?"

"Very much, yes,"

"Look, I didn't know my feelings would come to this. You were a fun friend, you were a great company, although I couldn't bear myself to be so near you after a few months."

"Why?" You whispered, eye furrowed at the confessions of the other.

"I always think that I might do something I'll regret." He takes a few steps backwards, the air between the both of you feeling as soothing as it was just suffocating and intense before.

"Like what?" You take a few steps forward, the same amount of steps Jake took.

"Y/N… stop" He took a few more steps backwards, rebuffing your ways on pushing him to answer your question.

You stepped closer and closer, and now too close to Jake, repeating the same question in an attempt to pressure him into bursting out his answer due to the stress and the annoyances of your nagging.

It was only a matter of time before Jake gave in, biting his lips in frustration as he felt his head heat up so close to combustion.

"goddammit Y/N." He aggressively grabs the collar of your blouse and proceeds to pull you 3 inches close to his face.

You swore you felt your heartbeat stop for a brief moment at the sudden contact of his nose onto yours. The way you felt his breath fanning over your lips, sensing the tense air he had been inhaling since he had stepped a foot on your porch.

It was only a matter of movement to have your lips connect yet Jake resisted the urge, releasing his grip from your blouse, causing you to limp backwards.

Your gaze at Jake with a baffled look, processing the thing that just happened.

It was hard to convince yourself that whatever that was, actually happened.

It was real, you felt it, everything.

There was silence. It felt like a wall being compressed and will mush the both of you into some sort of unrelenting concoction. Jake was too stunned about his own actions, turning around to storm off at the scene and probably forget that this ever happened.

As he took a few steps off the porch, you realized that you had enough with the distance, you felt so far away with Jake always running away all the time. Your mind was everywhere, especially the feeling of his face as similar as that again. You were desperate to know how he really felt for you, and you couldn't just let him walk away and watch again as his figure dissipated into the heavy pouring rain.

"Jake." You utter as you grip on his arm, spinning him around to face you as your hands snake up onto the back of his neck, tip toeing to reach the height of his lips, yet it was no reach. Even with what you had just done, you weren't about to kiss him anyway, you wanted to see how he'd react with your sudden motion.

It was only a matter of seconds until Jake attacked his lips on yours. It was an aggressive contact at first, sensing the desperation of his lips yet contrasting from his hands that carefully held your face as if it was glass.

You'd be lying if you said weren't desperate for it either, you had craved this type of contact ever since prom, it was only regretful to ever admit it personally. But now that you're fulfilling your most secret desire, most likely that this would be the time to embrace it.

God, you want him so bad.

Too bad.

The both of you lost the sense of surroundings, as you carelessly pushed him to the ramp of your porch as your lips were still intact. Leaving a quick gasp from Jake's end due to the startling feeling from the cold contact of his body.

The sudden hum coming from Jake's voice seized you to let go yet Jake didn't want your lips to part from his. Even with the force of his hands holding your face to him for much longer, he eventually gave in. Hands loosen the hold on your cheeks. You tensely took a few steps backwards as you started panting, your chest pumping in and out with Jake in unison, catching both of your remaining breaths and remaining comprehension from that predicament.

Your eyes pierced through Jake's gaze, your breathing is shaky, same goes for your hands… your body's frozen in place, all of these yet the reason does not ivolve the the cold temperature of the weather.

None of you exchanged any words. Instead, it was quiet, yet again, the area only filled with the small and loud droplets of the rain… It's merely raining anymore, as you only focus on him, hear him, and feel him.

Nothing makes sense at this moment. Honestly, you wanted to reach your senses to sense yet things just felt too out of the ordinary.

"Y/N, I'm sorry." Jake came through. Rushing for your comfort. Although you ran back with the presence of terror, opening your front door and slamming the door in front of him at the nick of time. You were speechless per say, you couldn't describe words, you couldn't speak out your thoughts. The sudden walk out suddenly sent Jake into a shock of panic.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry, please— I didn't mean to—"

He proceeds to passively knock on your door repeatedly. He whispered a curse to himself as to resent the contact you two had shared. Biting his lips in pure regret at the mere memory a few minutes ago.

"Y/N please." The knocks still kept coming through.

You only stood against the door, paralleled from the man on the other side. You had no idea what course of action you were going to take. You were furious about the distance he kept himself from earlier, and then suddenly it was all gone because of a kiss. Yet here you are, setting up walls to him.

You didn't want any more walls or distance to grow, you wanted him to be forward to you and he'll do so.

Now, it's your turn to talk, before regret suffices.

"Shit. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry… I really am—"

"Jake," Your voice muffled against the door, which Jake had heard, immediately backing away at the click of the doorknob.

You twist the knob and pull it to see a distressed Jake in front of you. His doleful eyes locked onto your figure, waiting for you to tell him something, anything.

"I'm not… mad at you." you muttered.

Jake stood quiet as his look at you stayed bewildered.

"I was just startled… I didn't know what to do— or what to say." You plead, your eyes are red as it remains glistened.

No words came out from Jake, possibly dumbfounded by your response.

"When did you realize you liked me, by the way?" You asked out of nowhere, attempting to tone down the tension in your system from earlier.

"When you started talking about that barista more… and it's 'like'… without the D." He admitted it extremely easily, causing you to subconsciously let out a short chuckle unexpectedly at his last words.

"What?" Jake's brows furrowed at your uncalled reaction, his smile perking up at the sight of you smiling at him.

"You just said that so straightforwardly, it… it kinda caught me off guard."

"There's no point in getting nervous around you again, kissing you was my last straw."

"Oh, so you finally loosened your walls? "

"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

The both of you shared the same laughter. Eyes showing genuine feelings of forgiveness. There was no need of words to let the both of you be reminded of anything, yet it still felt guilting.

"What if you become distant to me again?" you voiced your concern, the faint smile you had dropping almost at an instant at the thought of that question.

"I won't," The man only took deep breaths as he slowly took a few steps forward, stepping foot in your home. The tense air that compressed between yours and Jake made you shiver, it felt ticklish, although you concealed the feeling as you didn't want this distance to part with you.

"I like you, and even more than that,"

From his aggressive grip behind your head earlier to a much more gentle approach as he slowly wraps you in for a hug, chin laying softly on top of your head, and his hand transferring to the back of your hair, patting gently purely because he wanted you against him, he wanted to be the one to calm you down from his mistakes. His eyes in pure concern as if he had done so much unspeakable pain.

You, on the other hand, were extremely glad at his sudden action, feeling too content within his embrace. It was at this moment that you knew that you indeed love him too dearly, and you only hope for him to reciprocate these feelings similar to yours.

"And I'm grateful for myself to even say this so boldly to you, even if it meant breaking your heart."

It only startled you once more when the man had continued his words after a minute of pausing. The words coming out from lips breezed against your ear, making you hear the mumbled words almost clearly.

You sneered at his response, causing the man to change his expressions to mild uncertainty.

"Silly, you didn't break my heart… Well, kinda."

"I'll make up for it?" He offered, the warmth of his breath getting through to your scalp caused your body to briefly shiver at the feeling.

"How so?" You asked cheekily, transferring your gaze up to the toned down storm.

"Tomorrow, I'll pick you up?"

You stayed silent at his invitation, the other not having a quick peek of your reaction which led him to assume the worst due to your unresponsiveness.

"Or not… I'm sorry. Am I going too fast?"

With this realization, he parts his hand from your hair as he pushes himself from you unhurriedly.

Alternatively you quickly pull both of his arms back to your clingy embrace.

"No you're not. I just like being in this position with you right now," You muffled against his jacket, now having your warm breath fanning over the fabric of his cloth sent heat up to his cheeks, bringing his hand back to where it was before.

"Let's talk about dates another time… Let's focus about what everything is right now."

the clasp between one another was definitely at its high. It's something you don't seem to want to let go of, as if you're addicted. Now that you felt him like this more closer than before, you wanted this to go on eternally. Now that he's with you probably having the same exact feelings, you're not scared anymore. Not the distance, not the words, not his presence.

All of those became a comfort, and honestly, this was too good to be true.

As you drown yourself in your own dreamy thoughts, Jake's head transfers to the side of your head, tracing you out of a segment of your endless realizations, shivering you in the process due to the ticklish interval.

"How about you Y/N? Do you like me?" He questions.

You remembered daydreaming this moment every night during so many months back, that era of you hoping that someday it'll happen.

and every night you always reply and say the same words in the same scenario.

"I do, and more than just… like. I am insanely in love with you."

With just that, it had sent a critical hit on Jake's beating heart. He couldn't believe that you were still up to loving him again after all that he made her feel. Yet here you are, giving him a chance.

It still left a pinch of guilt within Jake for the reason of what he did to you that initiated your outburst of emotions from earlier. He was stunned to see that side of you and he wanted to never witness that side of you, ever.

It was at this moment that Jake would promise himself that he'd take care of you for the rest of his life, and that he wouldn't spare a single mistake of his to have you return to the feeling of heavy sorrow because of him again.

EXTRA:

"Where's Jake and Y/N?" Seeun asked worriedly. Standing beside the gate alongside Tsuki and Sunghoon as they watch crowds of students walk past the gate. Only waiting for their remaining friends to have their respective classes to be dismissed, yet it has been almost 30 minutes since they've been waiting and anxiety crawls up on their systems.

"I don't know? What if they didn't go to school today?" Tsuki responds, darting her eyes left to right inspecting as if both of you might be a part in the sea of students.

"If they didn't go to school, they would have told us." Seeun grumbled, tip-toeing as if she could spot you or the man anytime soon.

"Oh— Oh! Hey!—" Sunghoon halted one of the students who they knew to be your classmate. "Uhm, question, did Y/N go to school today?" Sunghoon asked, the student paused for a moment since the sudden question had startled him. "Y-Yeah, but she went out really early… Something about waiting for her boyfriend or something. Only from what I assume though."

"Boyfriend? " All said in unison as the two girls' darted their focus to your classmate. All three gave a concerned look as their brows remained furrowed at the abrupt revelation.

Sunghoon uttered a thanks as the student continued his path, still leaving all three of them in a state of shock.

"Y/N? and… boyfriend? " Tsuki recalled, still too stunned about what your classmate had said.

"What about Jake?— Oh hey! " Seeun's demeanor switches in an instant by the sight of Jake's classmate who he always walks out the school with before meeting up with them.

Seeun asked the same thing as Sunghoon, although now related to Jake.

"Oh, he's with that Y/N girl I'm sure, since I remember seeing the same girl who's waiting there to the one who hangs a lot with you guys here."

"Well… what are they doing in— Where?! " Seeun was at the brink of freaking out yet remained her decorum.

"She was waiting outside our classroom, probs waiting for Jake… That's all I know."

Seeun now uttered a thanks to him as Jake's classmate walked away.

There was a confusing silence between the air of the three friends for a few minutes. All dumbfounded by the fact about... anything, related to you and Jake.

The stray thinking lasted until Seeun spotted you and Jake talking and laughing at each other at a distance.

All of them locking their gazes to both of you with a menacing look. Which the you and Jake had caught on immediately, only locking their gazes back until the both of you stopped in front of them.

"Let me guess…" Sunghoon started, placing his fingers on his chin as if he was speculating (the obvious).

"Girlfriend, boyfriend. Boyfriend, girlfriend." He stated as he pointed to one of you respectively.

Your eyes grew wide, startled by their assumption. "Oh What?— No no no no! We're not..." You look at the man with red tinted cheeks beside you, signalling him to not feel hurt in your next words.

However, before you could continue, Jake's hand instantly pulled your shoulder closer beside him, letting out an nervous smile from you while Jake's smile stood calm and collected.

"We're not a thing!"

"Yes we are."

"Jake!"

"We'll end up being a thing anyway so might as well think in advance."

Tsuki, Seeun, and Sunghoon all widened their eyes as they held in their screams of surprise.

"Y/N!" Seeun welled up as she shakes your arm aggressively, creating fake crying noises.

"We were just gone yesterday and suddenly you two are in a relationship the next day?!" Tsuki exclaimed.

You and Jake only let out shy giggles at their reactions. It was funny to see them at this state yet you had to tell them what really happened sooner or later.

All of you proceeded to walk out of school as the three bickered about your relationship with each other. Seeun mostly, seeing the side of you which was so down for the so-called 'boyfriend'. All of their voices mixed badly inside your little friend group bubble as they all ask the same thing yet ask them so messily.

As this was happening, Jake's hand softly landed on yours as a secret invitation to hold his, which you immediately complied. Squeezing his hand in an attempt to tease him, letting out a small "ow." from the other.

"You better tell us everything, okay?" Seeun rambled. everyone simultaneously agreeing to Seeun's words and nagging you to tell them the whole story.

Well, they'll be in for a longggg walk.

#enhanet #enhypenwriters #k-labels #jake x reader #enhypen x reader #enhypen x reader fluff #jake x reader fluff #jake x reader angst #enhypen x reader angst #enhypen jake #sim jaeyun x reader #sim jaeyun imagines #sim jaeyun angst #jake sim #sim jake #enhypen imagines #enhypen

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bugs1nmybrain · 5 months

Text

Random Aizawa x Reader Headcanons

Minors Don't Interact

Warning: nsfw, age gap headcanons but not every reader has to have one, implied fem reader, typos

He's actually chill

Like yes around his students he's stern but he has no reason to be with you. He's still kind of stand off-ish and grumpy but he's kind of funny

Enjoys stay in dates

Busy af but he'll figure out how to make time for you even if it's not all the time

Coffee dates, cat cafe dates, maybe a walk around the neighborhood. He enjoys those if you're going out. Nothing flashy or fancy.

He'll bond with you almost instantly if you love cats. It's a green flag for him. You will have a cat together at some point

He's actually not really rushing for any kind of marriage or major commitment. He's not a cheater and he definitely could spend years with you, it's just not in the forefront of his mine.

Isn't extremely affectionate physically but can be if you really initiate it

He actually somewhat likes watching tv shows with you but always starts dozing off. It's funny to see him trying to fight the zzzs

Doesn't have a lot of relationship experience though he's had maybe 3 or 4 serious partners

Age Gap Entry (not relevent for other headcanons)

When I say age gap I mostly mean early 20s and even up to 27ish. 18 and 19 can count.

He's a little worried of the relationship being inappropriate

But he has a good connection with you. A lot of intellectual and emotional understanding

Gets frustrated when you make irrational and naive decisions

Isn't too keen on the daddy kink thing but he is a little protective of you in that he offers common sense and wisdom.

Can get a little overstimulated by your energy but that's not entirely because of age. He's just a naturally. Is lethargic person when he isn't fighting people

You make him feel hip

Nsfw

Kind of lame 😭

Vanilla af and whenever you have sex he tends to end up tired quick

He's not that horny honestly though he does get urges. And when he manages to have sex he enjoys it a lot

Loves that feeling of release when he cums

Doesn't take him that long but sometimes it can be a bit. His average stamina is maybe 7-9 minutes.

His dick is big. About 6 and a half inches and decently thick. A bit of a shower. 4 inch flaccid.

Idk if I want to talk about balls right now but he's got them for sure

Does not shave but if you have an issue at any point he'll consider cutting down

Bondage is surely a fetish but he doesn't indulge in it that often. Likes using binding cloth but he tends to use the ones he uses least often (he has more than one)

Would be hesitant to do anal. He knows he's big. If you're male he'll kind of loosen up cuz it's sometimes a given but he'd be very realistic about it and make sure your prepped right and won't be uncomfortable

Enjoys blowjobs

Isn't a boobs or an ass guy tbh he's just a whatever looks good in the moment guy. Isn't too picky on body types. Whether you're thin or have curves or are heavier he'll appreciate you and want you

Can only cum once a day typically

He does watch porn sometimes. Especially if he's single

Lost his virginity at 20 or so

His fingers are calloused and you'll be able to tell if he fingers you. The roughness actually helps the friction between them and your clit

Rough most of the time but not in the aggressive way. He always has a habit of starting slow and deep but he ends up picking up quite a bit but it feels good

He's good at sex. It's the Scorpio in him

You're so tight for him. His girth and length make it hard for you not to be. Definitely get some needed foreplay in there cuz you'll need to be moist

Despite not liking the daddy kink, it has happened. He let it happen, too. In that moment, he didn't really care, and it was a little hot if he'll admit. But he usually cringes at it and the idea of it.

Uses condoms always unless you're using birth control such as the pill or IUD and in a long term relationship

He's so good it's unbearable. Such a hottie

#aizawa #aizawa shouta #shota aizawa #aizawa smut #eraserhead #aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta x reader smut

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divine-knight-hand · 6 months

Note

Um hi! Would it be ok if I could request FNAF Michael Afton relationship sfw and nsfw headcanons with a Introvert female reader? Please and thank you!

OMG! Hi, Anon!!! That's way more than okay! As an introverted female myself, I would love nothing more than to give my headcanons on this! 😆

You're also my first request, so congratulations! I may or may not have jumped on starting this faster than a cat jumps on the light from a lazer pointer. I also may or may not have stayed up later than I should have while writing this... 😅

Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy, Anon! I went pretty in-depth (maybe more than I should have, but I regret nothing! 😼).

Link to photo: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/564568503297849129

Michael Masterlist || Full Masterlist

Pairing: Michael Afton x Introverted!Female Reader

Warnings: Fluff and smut, undertones of anxiety (you kind of have to squint), soft dom!Michael, sub!reader, missionary, praise, cunnilingus

SFW

At work, he typically keeps to himself, but not because he's painfully shy like you are. He's okay with talking to others when he has to. In fact, he's pretty charismatic when he does talk to others, which is what drew you to him in the first place.

A lot of your time together was spent in silence. He didn't consider it awkward, though. It was a comfortable silence to him.

He even thought your shyness was cute at times. The way you twiddled your thumbs or bit your lip drove him wild.

Michael confessed his feelings to you first, of course, but he was blushing and nervously scratching the back of his neck the whole time. He instantly let out a breath of relief when you reciprocated his feelings before pulling you into a hug.

He's extremely considerate of your boundaries, always checking with you before doing something he thinks might even remotely bother you.

Right before your first kiss, he softly whispered, "Can I kiss you?" You eagerly nodded, cupping his face in your hands as he closed the gap between your mouths.

Since then, you've immediately grown a lot more comfortable with him, opening up to him a lot more. Knowing that he could put someone like you at ease filled him with a huge sense of pride.

He's grown a sense of protectiveness over you. He gets furious when other men start flirting with you, because he knows it makes you feel uncomfortable. He's threatened to send many a man to the hospital on your behalf. He once almost followed through…

He tries to inspire you to speak up for yourself more. He knows he can only help so much with your strong avoidance of confrontation, and the thought of you just lowering your head and dealing with things you know you're not okay with makes him a little sick.

"Tell me what's on your mind, love"

"Come on, love, I couldn’t possibly help you if I don’t know what’s troubling you.”

Much much MUCH physical contact. He’ll hold your hand, wrap his arm around your shoulders, let you rest your head on his shoulder. All of it! Even when you’re not talking, he doesn’t want you to doubt for a second that he’s absolutely in love with you.

He’ll also hug you from behind and rest his head on your shoulder a lot, especially when you’re doing something and can’t turn around to hug him back right away.

He loves feeling your hands in his hair when you’re kissing. Just had to throw that out there.

Will he shower you with compliments? Absolutely! He never expects you to respond, either, especially since you almost never know how. He just wants you to know.

“You’re beautiful. Absolutely stunning.”

Once your social battery runs out, he’ll immediately take you home. It doesn’t matter where you are. He won’t hesitate. Your comfort is top priority for him.

NSFW

In this relationship dynamic, I could see him as a soft dom.

His favorite position with you is missionary. He loves whispering praise in your ear as he’s slowly thrusting into you.

“That’s it, love. Just like that…”

“You feel so good. I can’t get enough of you.”

He also loves holding your hand the whole time. From start to finish. He’ll even give your hand a small squeeze as a warning that he’s close.

He’s very big on kissing. He’ll kiss any part of you that he can reach in the moment.

He accidentally marks you up from time to time. He just can’t help himself.

When he eats you out, he eats like he’s been starving. He’ll still hold your hand, too.

He loves having your legs draped over his shoulders, and the taste of you is intoxicating to him.

Regardless of the position, he loves every little sound you make, from breaths to moans to whimpers. He wants to hear it all. They only serve to spur him on, after all~

Even in the bedroom, he’ll make sure to keep trying to get you to speak your mind.

“What do you want me to do, love? Use your words…”

“Tell me, how’s that feel? Good? Good…”

He’s open to a lot. Anything you ask him to try, he’ll do it at least once.

He takes your comfort very seriously. If you seem apprehensive, even in the slightest, he’ll stop everything to ask if you’re okay.

“The moment I do anything you don’t like, please let me know.”

A dirty little secret of his is that he loves when you rake your nails down his back.

#michael afton x reader #michael afton #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf fanfic #michael afton smut #fnaf smut #michael afton fnaf #fnaf michael afton #michael afton x female reader #fluff #michael afton fluff #fnaf fluff #fluff headcanons #smut headcanons #headcanons #headcanon list

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1111jenx · 8 months

Note

Jen haiii I missed you so much. Gurl tell me some chart placements that have completely altered your previous views on them after meeting irl. Stereotypes about signs you've found completely wrong after getting to know them. I'm dying to know the placements that truly shook you to your core, comparing your astrological studies and real life experiences with them.

Hi love,

I'm literally that one person that will ask for your birth time, birth date and location after 5 minutes of meeting yk so trust me when I say, I do have many stories to tell LOL. Before I start tho, I do need to mention that this is based off my own experiences purely and again, this is just for fun:D So please enjoy this post and let me know what you think in the comment<3

Mini Interesting Astrology Observations

- stereotypes vs. irl edition

— The amount of time I heard people telling me that Leo Rising is a ray of sunshine when in reality they can be, however not at first 100%. The way they come off are extremely practical, even a little bit distant at first. They have this powerful yet quiet aura to them. What I would say tho is that they enjoy the company of people who feels like sunshine, its just something about goodness in people that gets to Leo Rising. They adore a sweetheart always.

— I would even go as far to say that all Fire Rising initially have a hint of distance. Aries Rising can appear intimidating, truly living up to their stereotype with their nonchalant demeanor. But beneath that exterior, they possess genuinely kind hearts, though sometimes their delivery might be a bit raw. Leo Rising commands respect with their mere presence. Sagittarius Rising aligns closely with their stereotype, but remember the Water 12th houses of the Fire Risings:.

Pisces 12th house - Aries Rising: Hiding their unselfishness and uncondinational side to protect themselves.

Cancer 12th house - Leo Rising: Hiding their nurturing side and soft-heartedness to ensure they're respected or perceived in a serious way.

Scorpio 12th house - Sagittarius Rising: Hiding their devotion and secretive side out of fear of being taken advantage of.

— Libra Moon is an extremely interesting placement for me to see. People usually think they're pushovers typically but like.. lets be for real. They're just nice and they like to be perceived that way. But the second they can sense that hint of disrespect, all hell break loose LOL. They're extremelyyyy opionated people and for them, respect is something they believe they have worked very hard for. Mediators at core though, always see different sides but doesn't mean they can be one of the most stubborn people ever :)

— Scorpio Venus justifying their intense feelings is the funniest thing ever. They can 100% be very devoted in relationship but the thing is, a lot of Scorpio Venus are never ever gonna give themselves to you if they sense that you're not committed to them or even the little hint that you're not in it for real. Remember, this is a Scorpio placement we're talking about. Their pickiness can even outshine Virgo Venus on a good day. The type to genuinely stalk your socials and disappear at the blurriest red flag. For them to take you seriously, you have got to be all about them in every single way, they don't want that fleeting romance, when they're in, they're in. Playing games might be fun at first for them but they're are not going to be around to entertain anything as such for long.

— Sun conjuncts Venus gets along so well with women. A lot of their friends are usually women and it seems that they just know how to put people at ease. There's an energy of almost androgyny about them in the sense that they have a great balance of energies. Can easily befriend anyone.

— Libra Mars forgives often but usually its very logical. One of the best boundary setter I've ever seen. They are sweethearts don't get me wrong but they can easily put you in your place while still being the sweetest angel ever.

— Sagittarius Sun are extremely ambitious people. They're very very driven. While they enjoy letting loose, they're equally devoted to their work and aspirations. From my experience, they're the kind who would invest months into a project, only to celebrate grandly once it's accomplished. They truly embody the 'work hard, play hard' spirit.

— There's a stereotype that pegs Aquarius Mercury as detached and overly rational, almost robotic in their communication. But as you dive deeper, you realize this couldn't be farther from the truth. While they do possess an innate ability to see the bigger picture and communicate ideas ahead of their time, there's a depth and warmth to them that often goes unnoticed. These are some of the smoothest talkers. Contrary to the belief that they're disinterested in personal stories, many Aquarius Mercury individuals are deeply curious about individual journeys and narratives. I also noticed that since they can be so nice to talk to, people just casually open up to them about literally anything.

— I saw squares aspects synastry plays out in real life and often times its honestly super funny. Its like 2 people that speak 2 different languages trying to get the same thing but don't want to admit it out of pride LOL. I'm not a big fan when there's too much squares within personal placements but to be fair, they promote hella growth. After these kind of relationships, everyone just kinda become either more stubborn with their values or extremely open-minded LOL

— While Taurus Moon is very emotionally reliant, in the sense that they're their own safe haven and therapy guide a lot of the times. These people also may be prone to denial. They take time to come to terms with a lot of events that happened and kind of just buried it sometimes until they fully accept it. Unhealthy coping mechanisms as well but with time, they find their own peace in the truth.

— Earth Risings, lets talk. They got to be one of the funniest people alive. Their sense of humour always hits and they're the living proof for don't judge a book by its cover. Everytime I'm with them I always hurt my stomach by laughing too much PLS. However, when time calls for it, they can sit down and get all corporate on you trust😉

This has been surprisingly kind of fun, please let me know if you'd like to see more of this in the future:))

love,

saint jenx🪐

#astrojenx #astrology #astro notes #astrology observations #astrology notes #leo venus #libra rising #astro community #leo #astrology community #libra

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beardedjoel · 9 months

Text

closer | part seventeen

joel x f!reader. non-apocalypse au.

series masterlist | main masterlist | ao3

chapter summary: your new coworkers discover your relationship with joel, and a night out with them after work results in a distressing situation. afterwards, joel wants to help you make it all better. 9.2k words.

story warnings: 18+ MDNI, age difference (joel is 42 and reader is 25), soft!dom joel, unprotected piv, oral (f receiving), dirty talk, praise kink, joel is so boyfriend this chapter

extra warning: PLEASE READ! this chapter contains a scene of attempted sexual assault, so i understand that’s very sensitive and a bit different than my typical chapter. it’s not an extremely graphic or long scene, but it is there and could be triggering! i’ve put a TW where the scene starts and END TW where the scene ends in case you want to read around it.

You hate the way the days seem to be flying by now - your restful, sexy summer came to an abrupt end when you opened an email from your work one morning, requesting that you start coming to the office as soon as you possibly could. Now, two weeks into it, you’re busier than you’ve been in a long time, trying to balance this new workload that had fallen into your lap. When you’d been working at home, gathering ideas, it was one thing, but now you’re surrounded by a team of people relying on you and your partner, Rayna, to get things up and running smoothly. You have to admit, you two are absolutely kicking ass, but it’s meant a lot of late nights at the office with her and some of your other team members.

Joel has been almost too supportive through all of this, and you know that he’s holding back his own feelings about seeing you less to encourage you to keep working so hard. You haven’t been seeing each other as often due to both of your work schedules, but you constantly let each other know how much you miss the other. The first few days of work, you were barely coherent, practically sleeping before your head hit the pillow each night, and you felt terrible for being such awful company for Joel when you’d manage to drag yourself over to his house. He reassured you multiple times but the guilt still gnawed at you for the entire week. Things have evened out somewhat, but you miss the carefree days you’d been able to focus only on Joel. You suppose it’s healthier this way, though, to have other focuses in life other than a man.

Just because you’d gotten busier, your appetite for Joel hadn’t dissipated in the least, leaving you an overworked, stressed, horny mess. You both did your best to get your fill of each other over the last two weeks, but it was never enough. It never has been with Joel, and you start to wonder if it ever will be every time you satisfy your craving for him and then feel it come right back again. The hunger you have for that man to drive himself into you at all hours of the day has only grown with your feelings for him, and you have to admit, it adds to your stress just how deeply you feel for him these days.

The fact that you haven’t found a good time to tell him you love him is just one more thing to gnaw at you in the back of your mind while you’re trying to get your life in order. You know it seems crazy, that after such a short time together you love the man, but every moment you’ve spent with him since the thought crossed your mind has only further proved it to you.

And you’re terrified of what might happen if you admit it to him.

You’re at work, finishing up a quick meeting with Rayna when your phone buzzes in your pocket, and you see a text from Joel come through.

Joel: Surprise lunch?

You: Maybe… what time?

Joel: … right now

You: What?!

Joel: I might be outside with food for you

You: 😂 okay, Mr. Romantic. Come inside to floor 3, I’ll just be a few minutes

The office space is a rather large, open concept, and you have a clear view of the front through the glass divider that separates your department. Several minutes later you see Joel hesitantly poke his head into the office, looking slightly clueless, and it’s adorable to you for some reason. Maybe it’s that he’s always so in charge of things and confident that whenever you get a chance to see him nervous it melts your heart a little bit.

“Hey, I’m gonna head out for lunch really quick, I’ll be back in a bit,” you tell Rayna, despite knowing you two have nothing scheduled for the next hour for that very reason.

She gives you a go ahead, so you start heading towards Joel and wave him down, and he flashes you your favorite lopsided smile. He looks like he came right from work, dressed in a paint splattered t-shirt and jeans, carrying a cooler full of food. It’s certainly a sight for sore eyes, you think to yourself, any time you see Joel fresh from work, always looking a little dirtier than usual. Between that and the insatiable need you’ve had for him lately it’s more than enough to make you want to climb him like a tree right here in front of everyone.

You notice several nearby, questioning eyes on you two as you loop your arm in his and head for the elevator.

“Nosy bastards,” Joel murmurs, and you stifle a laugh behind your hand, but nod in agreement.

“Very much so,” you tell him with a roll of your eyes. “There’s a cool cafeteria space in this building, we can eat there,” you add on while you wait for the elevator doors to open. As soon as you two are inside and the doors slide shut, you throw yourself at Joel, knowing you only have minutes, or even seconds, before the doors open back up. He quickly catches on, despite his surprise, and as your lips clash with his he reciprocates quickly, his free hand that isn’t carrying the cooler cupping your face and bringing you even closer. Your tongues beg for entry in each other’s mouths over and over, as much as time will allow you, but after several beeps of the elevator, you know your time is almost up, so you reluctantly pull away from Joel, keeping one arm snaked around him.

“Fuck,” he breathes, pressing his forehead to yours and looking deeply into your eyes with a lustful gaze. “I’d ask what’s gotten into you, but you’ve always been my insatiable girl, haven’t you?” Joel says, low and inviting. You simply smirk in response as the doors of the elevator open and you step out in front of him, leading him to the large cafeteria space. It’s on a high up floor, boasting a sweeping view of downtown outside of large, glass windows. There’s tables and chairs, refrigerators, and microwaves for any employee in this office building to use, and you’ve tried to eat up here as often as you can to clear your mind and separate yourself from work for at least a little bit of time during the day.

Joel’s eyes scan the room, taking in the views and modern decor, and shoots you an impressed look.

“Very fancy,” he teases as you sit down at a small, rounded two top table near the windows.

“Fancy girl job calls for a fancy cafeteria,” you reply with a little laugh.

“And look at ya, in your cute little business clothes,” Joel says, scrunching his face proudly as he squeezes your leg under the table. The company you work for is relatively casual with things like the dress code, but you still like to wear clothing that hopefully can help gain the respect of your team, so you’re wearing black slacks and a short sleeved blouse today.

“Does it look okay, really? I feel like a fraud sometimes in these clothes, like I shouldn’t be so in charge of people,” you ask him, tugging anxiously at the collar of your shirt as you look down to inspect your outfit.

“Nah, honey, you deserve it all. And you look great as always. Very professional,” Joel says, giving you a wink, indicating while you may look professional, your behavior moments ago was anything but. You bite your lip with warming cheeks at the recollection as Joel starts pulling out the lunch he made for you two to share - a salad, potato chips, and something wrapped in foil, which he shyly admits is a grilled cheese, something you’d told him once you love eating.

“How the hell did you even manage to make a grilled cheese and get all the way here by lunch time?” you ask incredulously.

“We got a toaster oven on site, so I whipped this up real quick before comin’ here. Hope it stayed warm ‘nuff for ya,” he tells you, and you shake your head, in complete disbelief that Joel is a real, living, breathing, walking thing that you have the pleasure of having in your life.

“Thank you,” you manage to say, unwrapping the grilled cheese sandwich and biting into it. While not hot, it’s managed to stay warm and you tell Joel as much, a bit of relief passing over his face at hearing it.

“You look stressed, darlin’,” Joel says, his brows pinching together in concern.

“I’m always stressed now,” you say, propping your head in your hand, letting a long sigh escape you.

“Anythin’ I can do to help?”

“This right here is amazing,” you say, gesturing to the lunch spread out on the table. “Just getting to see you. And…I guess there’s something else,” you trail off, biting your lip, flashing Joel your best version of bedroom eyes. Joel’s interest is clearly piqued as he leans forward, a cocky smile pulling at his lips.

“And… what else, darlin’?”

You lean forward, glancing into Joel’s eyes but lowering them at the last second out of embarrassment. “I…need you,” you say, knowing you’re being vague but also knowing that Joel will get the message.

Joel laughs heartily before taking one of your hands in his across the table. “We can arrange somethin’, I s’pose.” he says.

“Oh, you suppose?” you say with a dramatic scoff.

“Sweetheart, don’t act like I wouldn’t take you right now on this damn table in front of everyone,” Joel retorts quickly, a little bite to his voice that has you fighting the urge to squirm in your seat. He drops your hand and sits back, crossing his arms over his chest.

“J-joel,” you breathe, glancing around the room as your face heats up with the sudden rush you feel. The image he described flashes through your mind, sending a pang of desire straight down between your legs. You just might be desperate enough to not care if he really did end up doing that.

“What? You gonna start this, don’t be mad when I try ‘n finish it,” he says. “You know I don’t stand for any teasin’, darlin’. Walkin’ in dangerous territory now, ain’t ya.”

You meet Joel’s gaze, intensity flaring in his eyes, and make a decision that definitely goes against your morals, but desperate times, and all of that.

“I think I saw a supply closet on the way here…” you mumble, and the smirk Joel gives you is worth any guilt you might be feeling about your unethical desires right now.

“C’mon baby, probably all wet already for me, aren’t you?” he asks with his voice low, his eyes drifting over your body hungrily. He stands up, collecting everything from the table into his cooler bag and offering you his hand. He drags you along, seeming to already have spotted the closet for himself, and it almost makes you laugh that you both had the same idea on the way to the cafeteria. He ushers you inside of the closet, a small, cramped space with shelves lined with all kinds of cleaning supplies and back-ups of toiletries for the bathrooms.

“Gonna be quiet, or let everyone here know how good you take my cock, hm?” Joel says, cupping your face with his hand and leaning in, brushing his lips over your cheek. You melt instantly, breathing in the familiar, musky scent of him and already feel your knees wanting to buckle underneath you. It’s like coming home when he gets this close to you, and you could fall into its trap a million times and never tire of it.

“Whichever you want,” you breathe out, the picture of submission as you let him press you into the wall and kiss you.

“What I want… is a taste of that sweet little pussy of yours. Been missin’ it,” Joel grumbles into your lips, and you press your hips forward, begging him to do what he’s telling you. As his lips clash with yours again, he unbuttons your pants, sliding a hand down into them and past the fabric of your underwear. Joel lets out a low sound of approval at the slickness he gathers on his fingers, rubbing them through your slit and beginning tight circles on your clit. You’ve had so much pent up sexual frustration towards him the last few days that you nearly combust right then, a strangled cry flying out of your mouth before you can stop it.

“Christ, baby, so fuckin’ needy… gonna make me crazy,” Joel murmurs, “You miss me this much?” he asks, pulling his fingers up to inspect how they shine and glisten with your arousal. You nod furiously, back arching you into him, begging for anything from him now.

“I do…P-please, I’ll do anything, just touch me.”

Joel considers your words for a moment, his cock getting harder just from hearing the way you beg for him. It satisfies some little itch inside of him every time the words please pass your lips when it comes to his cock. He groans internally at the feeling of how hard he’s getting, how he’s straining against his jeans, knowing he doesn’t have all the time he truly desires to get you off right now.

He crouches in front of you, pulling your pants down and helping you step out of them, along with your underwear, revealing your already throbbing, glistening cunt to him, eliciting a hungry growl from Joel. He grips the back of one of your thighs, throwing it over his shoulder before he buries himself between your legs, his tongue not wasting any time lapping up all the desire you’re pouring out for him. Joel moans deeply into your cunt, and in that moment you know, despite his typically calm and cool facade, he’s been just as sexually frustrated as you. You’re relishing in the way his mouth feels right now, but you know that with the little time you have left on your lunch, you want nothing more than to bring him pleasure, too.

“J-joel,” you say quietly, tugging at his hair.

“Feels so good baby, don’t it?” he murmurs, his lips immediately going to suck on your clit. Your eyes roll back, and you try to get your bearings enough to tell him to stop that and fuck you, but it’s hard now that you feel so close to the edge, your core tightening and burning with a coming climax.

“N-no, Joel… stop. I want you… to…”

Joel hears the word ‘no’ and immediately pulls himself off of you, peering up at you with questioning eyes. When you see the sight of your slickness coating his beard, his flushed face and glistening eyes, you nearly tell him to stick his face right back where it was instead.

“You okay? Did I hurt you?” Joel asks, his hand gently gripping onto your leg in concern.

“N-no of course not,” you say, shaking your head and catching your breath a little. “I just… we don’t have a lot of time, I want you inside of me,” you say sheepishly.

Joel’s lips curl into a smirk before he stands up, towering over you once again. You hook your fingers into his belt loops and bring him closer, feeling his cock grind against you through his jeans.

“This what you want?” Joel grinds against you again, situating his pants to free his cock, and it springs free, hard and throbbing between you two. Your eyes practically glaze over at the sight of it, having thought about him inside of you endlessly for the last few days.

“So cock hungry, look at you… what a sight, angel,” Joel leans forward, nipping at your bottom lip and you whimper when his cock brushes your bare skin between your legs.

“N-need you to fuck me Joel, can’t stop thinking about it.” You roll your hips into him with carnal need, and Joel teases your slit, rubbing his cock through your slick folds. Your hips convulse forward slightly as he passes over your throbbing clit several times, moans already coming out of your mouth as he devastates you with the barest of touches.

“You been touchin’ yourself, sweetheart? Just tryna get rid of that ache for me?”

You shake your head, “N-no, not really. Just a little. Wanted to save it all for you.”

“Oh, baby, that’s why you’re about to come all over this cock before I barely do a damn thing, ain’t it?” You simply nod your answer, sweating and whimpering for him to do more, more, more. He obliges you, resting the head of his cock at your entrance. “Much as I like you to be all mine, you gotta promise me you’ll take care of yourself whenever you need. Call me if you gotta, m’kay?” He pinches the side of your face, planting several kisses on your lips before Joel once again lifts one of your legs up, curling his arm under it to hold you steady as he slides himself into you. Both of your groans of relief fill the otherwise soundless room, panting breaths added into the mix as he starts to move slowly inside of you.

“God, baby, I missed this perfect little pussy,” Joel purrs, his body pressed right into yours, the curves of your body fitting perfectly together. His head buries in your neck as he thrusts into you, and you let out a quiet whimper, relishing in the sensation of him stretching you. “Tell me it’s all mine.”

“Yours, Joel, I’m all yours,” you whisper right next to his ear, and he shudders, letting out a gratified growl while his hips start to move more urgently into you. He fucks you into the wall aggressively, thrusting to the hilt each time, too focused on how good it feels to say any of his usual, teasing phrases to you.

“F-fuck sweetheart, I’m already gonna come, you feel so fuckin’ good and tight around me,” Joel whimpers, and moments later, he’s bucking his hips into you hard, spilling himself deep into your cunt with a groan. He takes a few deep breaths, coming back to reality after his climax, and his eyes widen, looking down at you. “Shit, sorry,” he says, pulling out of you quickly and stepping back before tucking himself back into his jeans.

“Hey, it’s alright,” you say, trying to rub his shoulder reassuringly.

“Just… been needin’ you, I guess,” Joel smirks a little, but you can tell he’s feeling embarrassed about the fact that he came before you had a chance to get off.

“Been needing you,” you echo back, and Joel slides his body against yours again and dips his head to your neck, kissing you teasingly as you grind yourself against him shamelessly.

“Think I can help with that…” Joel says, resuming his spot on his knees in front of you with a leg over his shoulder. “Gorgeous, baby,” he coos as he sees your cunt up close, slick with your own desire and his leaking out of you.

His mouth is on you again in a heartbeat, shamelessly licking up everything with vigor and moaning into your pussy as it flutters around nothing, desperate for release. “Feel this little hole squeezin’ for me, baby, you want me in there?”

“Fuck,” you groan out at his enthusiasm, “Yes, yes p-please.”

Joel inserts two fingers up to the furthest knuckle and you cry out, thrusting yourself onto his fingers and into his mouth to urge him deeper than he can possibly go right now.

“Killin’ me baby,” Joel purrs into your skin, “Bet you’d take this whole fuckin’ hand if I wanted you to.”

“Anything,” you say, breathing out an affirmation and continuing your unapologetic bounces onto his hand and face as you chase your high, his tongue flicking your clit rapidly along the way. You moan out loudly, then slap a hand over your mouth, remembering your surroundings. Shit, you hope nobody heard that and comes investigating. What a sight they would see if they opened this door right now, you think to yourself.

When his fingers start to curl inside of you, Joel begins sucking on your clit, and you have to bite down hard, grinding your teeth together, to try to dampen some of the absolutely filthy, ungodly sounds coming out of you. He pumps his fingers against that perfect spot inside of you and you lose control completely, legs turning to jelly and wobbling underneath you.

“Ohhh my god,” you whimper into your fist, your entire body trembling as Joel continues the same pattern over and over, sensing how close you are to reaching the crest of your pleasure. You feel all your senses except for the feeling of Joel’s mouth and hand fade out, and you moan, throaty and low, into your clenched fist, biting down hard enough to draw blood as you shudder your hips downwards, pushing him into you as you ride out the waves of pleasure that are wracking your body now.

Your head thumps back against the wall as you come down, and Joel stands up to meet you, giving you a boastful smile. He blatantly wipes all evidence of your encounter off of his face and beard, looking at you with such adoration in his dark eyes that it makes your heart swell. Joel tucks a strand of hair behind your ears before kissing you on the forehead.

“Thank you,” you murmur. “Best lunch ever.”

You see Rayna doing her best not to stare at you as you settle back in at your desk, praying that your face isn’t giving you away, that post-orgasm glow hopefully wiped clean off by now.

“Nice lunch?” she asks, chipper as always.

“Mhm,” you say, swinging your voice upwards on the last part, trying to echo her same positive demeanor. You immediately focus your attention down on your computer, trying to get back into the swing of your workday, tugging at the hem of your clothing, making sure everything is properly in place.

In your periphery you see Rayna clench and unclench her fists where they hover above her keyboard, and when you glance up to her eyes, they’re boring into you with an amused sparkle.

“Come on…” she says, eyebrows going up her forehead. “Who was that? Everyone is talking about it.”

“Everyone as in…everyone in the whole office, or everyone as in the usual suspects?” you quip back. The usual suspects being Rayna, obviously, Heather, Cade, and Alex from your department, and Leah and Vince from the financial department. You’d become the most tight knit with them of anyone here, working closely together on a lot of the projects you’d all been assigned to lately.

“The… usual suspects, of course,” Rayna admits, and as if on cue, Heather and Alex filter into the area, carrying mugs of tea from the kitchen.

“Okay, did you ask her yet?” Heather says to Rayna, and her eyes go wide in response.

“I’m trying to,” Rayna says through gritted teeth just as Leah and Vince slip into the room, shortly followed by Alex, all of them seeming to have a similar question. You watch on, amused at how much commotion you and Joel are causing.

“Guys, this is insane,” you chide them all as they gather around you.

“Is that your like… boyfriend or something?” Cade asks, and you avert your eyes, feeling your body heat rise several degrees at their questioning. You had never been trying to hide Joel, you just hadn’t quite gotten that personal with everyone yet. You didn’t know how they’d react to the age difference between you and Joel, so you’d wanted to get to know them a bit better before revealing anything about him. It was safe to say they’d all turned out to be open minded, kind, and never averse to sharing some of their own personal details, so you figured it was time to jump in.

“Y-yeah, I guess you could say that,” you admit shyly, and they all burst into quiet hysterics, murmurs of “told you so’s” and “oh my god’s” between all of them.

“Details!” Leah says demandingly, placing a hand on your desk and leaning forward. Everyone is pulling up chairs, and you start laughing loudly.

“Shouldn’t we be working?”

“Still got five minutes or so left on my lunch, so chop chop,” Cade replies, looking down at his watch impatiently. “He was so hot, and if I don’t get to hear any more about this in the next five minutes I’m going to be so mad at you.”

“Oh-kay. We’re seeing each other. His name is Joel,” you say, eliciting excited “ooh’s” from your little crowd. “That’s literally it! I don’t know what you want from me.” You throw your hands up in a feigned giving up gesture.

“Isn’t he like, old?” Vince says snidely, finally joining the conversation. You like Vince, and for that reason, you hadn’t told anybody about the way he’d pulled you aside for a private conversation and asked you out after about a week of working together. It felt awful to reject him, and at the time you were keeping things quiet about your personal life, so you hadn’t said you were seeing anyone. In hindsight it would have made more sense to just say you were, but you suppose at least he was able to understand a little bit better now about your rejection. It had made things slightly more awkward between you, but you’d been willing to move on if he was. For the most part, it seemed like he had been too, except for a few select moments like right now when you could see the frustration come out.

“I mean, kind of,” you say with a chuckle and a shrug. You decide to ignore his comment and vow to yourself to confront him if it continues.

“Okay, but how old?” Rayna asks, her eyes lighting up with intrigue.

“He’s forty-two,” you reply, and once again, the group is in hysterics over your answer.

“Well, he’s hot,” Leah concludes, and Cade, Rayna, Heather, and even Alex, agree. “Good job,” she adds, garnering more enthusiastic nods from the group.

“T-thank… you?” you say with a laugh.

“Can we all go out for drinks after work? I need to hear more, but my lunch is over,” Rayna says, frowning, and you consider it for a few moments, but realizing you don’t have anything on your agenda tonight, it might be fun to blow off some steam.

“Sure, if everyone else is in,” you reply, and each person, including Vince, who you’d doubted would want to hear more about Joel, agrees to the plan. Leah squeals excitedly and heads back to her desk, full of energy. The rest of the day flies by, all of you seeming to work faster with the promise of a fun evening ahead of you.

All of you funnel into a bar down the street from your office in great spirits, also having invited a few more coworkers to join you. You all order drinks at the bar and settle in, and Rayna instantly links her arm through yours.

“Alright, you know what we’re here for,” she says. The rest of the group who’d been interrogating you earlier quickly gathers around you at a high top table near the bar. The only person you don’t notice at first is Vince, who comes breezing in late, and stands nearby but not as involved in the conversation. You suppose you don’t blame him for not wanting every detail of your relationship with Joel.

“Don’t waste any time, do you guys?” you reply cheekily, and they all sip their drinks, clearly just waiting for you to go on. “What do you even want to know?” you ask, a playful irritation cropping up.

“Anything, like… what’s the deal with you two?

“He lives next to my parents, so that’s how we met. We just kind of clicked, I guess. Which was lucky for me because I was practically obsessed with him.”

“Is he like a sugar daddy or something?” Alex teases, and you laugh, pushing him hard on the arm.

“No, nothing like that. He’s a contractor, so he like, builds stuff.”

“Very sexy,” Cade chimes in, nodding his head in approval.

“It is,” you say with a sigh, picturing the way Joel had looked in his work clothes earlier.

“Well, lucky you. We had no idea you had a boyfriend,” Leah says, downing her mojito faster by the minute. She obviously needed a night out more than the rest of you.

“I didn’t know if I should say… it’s been a little unconventional, I guess. My parents only found out a few weeks ago, and that was weird, since they’re around his age.”

Leah chokes on her drink. “He’s your parents’ age?!”

“My parents are pretty young, yeah. I hadn’t really thought about it too hard when Joel and I first got together, but… uh, oops, I guess,” you reply.

“You dirty little dog,” Leah says, shaking her head and doubling over in laughter. “Well, we’re all really happy for you,” she concludes, smiling more sincerely now.

“Seriously. You caused the biggest stir the office has seen yet, sending a guy like that into our lobby,” Rayna says, fake fanning herself at the memory of Joel.

“He came to see you for lunch today, then? That’s so cute,” Leah says, ever the romantic, her eyes going starry and wide at Joel’s gesture.

“Mhm,” you say nervously, thinking about how you and Joel did much more than eat lunch today. You know they probably would love all the dirty details based on their reactions today, but you just can’t risk anything with how well this job is going so well.

“Well you tell Joel, he can do that any time he wants, but he has to come and say hello next time,” Rayna chirps, and you shake your head, throwing back some of your fruity cocktail.

“I’m sure he’d love to be interrogated by all of you,” you say, dripping in sarcasm.

You all crack jokes and gossip for a while, trying to avoid any work talk, before ordering another round and repeating more of the same. When you’re waiting at the bar for your next drink, Vince sidles up next to you, leaning onto the bar with his forearms.

“If you think people don’t realize what you did today, you’re kidding yourself,” Vince says without warning, raising an unimpressed eyebrow at you.

“What are you talking about?” you ask, trying not to panic and give anything away. While you have a sinking feeling you know exactly what he’s talking about, you don’t want to jump to any conclusions and ruin any secrecy you still have.

“Come on,” Vince replies, shaking his head. “Coming back from lunch, looking like that. Could practically see it all over your face.”

“I’m just… I was happy to see Joel, that’s all. I don’t know if you’re implying what I think you are, but you’d better be careful what you’re accusing me of.” The bartender slides your drink over, and you try to give them a smile and polite thank you before turning your attention back to the conversation.

“No, you’d better be careful,” Vince snaps. “So maybe I did follow you two up there, hoping to see if you’re as lovesick for the guy as I’d been afraid of. Thought I’d see if there was still a chance, it was stupid, I know,” he says a little more softly, before his brow furrows. “But imagine my surprise when I didn’t see you two anywhere, and I heard something from down the hall…” Vince trails off, leaving you to fill in the details.

You pale and freeze instantly, your hand gripping the glass of your cocktail firmly.

“Vince, I seriously don’t know what you’re talking about,” you say with a bite - one last, hopeful attempt to deflect his accusations.

His hand moves in a flash and grips your free wrist tightly. “If you’re going to be a whore, at least own up to it,” he says, and you blink hard, your mouth popping open but unable to make any noise for a few stunned moments.

“E-excuse me?”

He simply glances at you, holding a steady gaze. “Just saying,” he says, as if that’s any excuse for the vile words he just spit at you.

“Just saying what? That I’m a whore?” you say with a scornful laugh. It’s almost comical, whatever this side of him is that you’ve uncovered - the drunk, angry side that seems to be coming out of the woodwork this summer with these men. First Chris, now Vince, and you’re starting to wonder just what the hell is going on. Something about Joel seems to bring it out of them, and you’re tired of taking the brunt of it, quite frankly.

“That I could report you to someone. I mean, not the most ethical thing to fuck around with your boyfriend while you’re working.”

You sigh and press your lips tightly together, rubbing a hand over your eyes.

“Okay, so it wasn’t. But it’s not like it hurt anyone, so the fact that you’re sitting here threatening me over it feels a little extreme, don’t you think?”

“Woah, threatening sounds like such a strong word.” Vince lets out a little laugh, and it really pisses you off that he’s getting any sort of entertainment out of your misfortune right now.

“Vince, you’re clearly drunk. You’ve been drinking way more than anyone here, and I get you might still be upset that I didn’t go out with you, but this seems way out of line.”

“Out of line to me would be getting off when you’re at work, but maybe that’s just me…” Vince muses with a head in his hand, still clearly very entertained by himself.

“Alright, I’m leaving,” you say, having decided it doesn’t seem worth the fight at this point. You drop some cash on the bar and pick up your bag, hustling your way out. You notice Leah giving you a concerned glance, but you simply wave at her, silently promising to text them as soon as you can to let them know why you left. You’d kept Vince’s secret before, but this time he’d gone too far, let some dark side of himself come out just to fuck with you, and you didn’t feel like playing nice anymore.

// TW //

The air outside hits you as you burst the door open, thick and warm as the dusk colored light surrounds you in the sky above. You walk with purpose, your feet moving you quickly back the few blocks towards the office where your car is parked - at the least you hope to blow off some steam on the way there. You’re only a few steps from the bar when a hand grabs your wrist and pulls you back, stopping you in your tracks, and you audibly groan when you turn and see Vince looking at you, his blue eyes full of a pleading hope.

“Please, I’m sorry,” he whines, and you try to shake his wrist off. “Just come back inside.”

“Leave me alone, seriously.”

He pulls you close to him by the wrist and you wriggle your hand, trying to slide out of his grip, but it’s too tight. You realize you aren’t quite strong enough to pull him along, so you resort to placing your other hand over his and trying to pry his fingers off of you.

“Let me go,” you say sternly, but Vince doesn't seem to hear you. You feel a wave of nausea roll through you, your body naturally revolting against the situation for you.

“I just… I heard you today, and I knew it was you, I could tell those fucking noises had to be you, and it pissed me off. I was so jealous - I think you’re beautiful, and funny, and smart, and I wanted that to be me.”

You scoff, collecting your thoughts for a moment. “Well, it’s not, and I’m awfully sorry about that,” you say, dripping your voice in sarcasm. “Doesn’t mean you get to treat me like shit.”

He places his other hand over the one that’s actively trying to pry you off of him and wraps his fingers around it. “Should’ve been me,” he says before swinging you against the brick of the building, your back hitting it hard despite trying to stop the movement on your heels. The element of surprise had been on his side and you wince as your back throbs. “Wanted to hear those sounds for myself, because of me… just give me a chance.”

Vince crushes his lips into yours, his tongue sloppily begging for entry into your mouth, and you grunt loudly, jerking your head to the side so that his lips are off yours, but he continues kissing your face, trying to trail down to your neck.

“You’re fucking drunk, just let me leave.” You scowl hard but it turns to a panicked grimace as he crowds in even closer, the smell of alcohol on his breath overwhelming you as he continues trying to kiss you, grinding his body into you. When his fingers brush the hem of your shirt, you find your senses again, realizing it’s now or never. You shove him off of you as hard as you can, kicking a leg into his, and he stumbles back in his drunken stupor.

You slide out from the wall and start to dig in your purse as you quickly move away, looking for your phone. You knew you should have started carrying pepper spray again, you’d just not thought to replace the one you lost in your move to Austin yet, and a silent curse goes through you for that now. Your legs are shaking underneath you, not moving you as quickly as you want, and you feel tears pricking at your eyes as the adrenaline fades slightly.

// END TW //

“Hey, asshole!” you suddenly hear, and you glance over your shoulder to see Leah chasing Vince who is chasing you down. She grabs him by the shoulder and he whirls around on her, sending her stumbling back now, but you rush back to help before he can potentially hurt her. “What the fuck!” she yells as she pushes Vince off of her. He stops moving, breathing heavily with his hands on his knees.

“Fuck,” he mumbles, seeming to snap out of whatever insanity he’d entered moments ago. “I’m… I’m sorry.”

“That was fucked up, you know. I felt like something was off, so I came out here to check on you, and I just saw everything,” Leah says angrily, taking a few steps back from Vince. You go to Leah, gripping her arm with your trembling hands and looking her over.

“You okay?” you ask her quietly, and she nods, not taking her eyes off of Vince.

“What the hell do we do about this?” she asks, gesturing to Vince, who now is whining loudly about how sorry he is.

“Fuck if I know,” you say, your mind still reeling from the hellish interaction with him.

“Vince, you should just go home. Cool off for a bit then call an Uber or something,” Leah suggests, a bit more even tempered this time.

He looks at you, making spotty eye contact before mouthing your name. “Sorry, really. I don’t - fuck. I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I?”

“Everything meaning what I thought was starting to be a nice friendship? Yes. Consider that over,” you tell him, feeling somewhat heartless for the comment, but needing him to fully understand there isn’t a chance you’d want to continue any kind of relationship with him.

He meanders over to and sits on a curb nearby. “I get it,” he says back at you two, and Leah puts an arm around you protectively.

“Vince, we’re leaving you, maybe you can sober up and talk some more about it, but for now… just… fucking leave it, okay?” Leah says, guiding you back inside the bar. You finally feel your heart rate slowing as she rubs your shoulder, checking in on you with a concerned look on her face.

“I’ll be alright,” you assure her with a weak smile. The amount of processing your mind is trying to get through right now has you nearly feeling dizzy.

“I’m going to talk to Rayna, we’ll take care of everything, make sure you don’t have to work with that asshole again.”

Your entire face softens at her proposition and the care behind it. You throw your arms around her, squeezing her tightly into a hug that she returns with equal enthusiasm. “Thank you,” you murmur into her shoulder.

“Who should we call? Joel?” she asks, pulling out of the hug, and your eyes go wide, realizing you’ll have to explain all of this to Joel. “I don’t want you to drive right now, but we’re all way too tipsy to drive you anywhere right now.”

“Y-yeah, I’ll call him,” you say, swallowing hard. Leah steps away to give you privacy and heads back to the table full of your coworkers, close enough to keep an eye on you. You can see the immediate reaction from all of them, leaning in close as she explains what’s going on. You take out your phone, pulling up Joel’s contact information.

“Hey, baby.” He picks up on the second ring, his voice smooth and relaxed as he greets you, the juxtaposition to your own mood making you clam up suddenly.

“Hey…” you say timidly. Use your words, you chant to yourself internally.

“What’s goin’ on? You off work?”

“Uh, yeah, I am. I just… can you come get me?”

“Of course,” he says without missing a beat, his tone sobering up to match yours a bit more. “What’s wrong, darlin’?”

“There was… something happened with a coworker, and I’m kind of tipsy, I just can’t drive right now.”

“Already on my way,” he says, and you hear his keys jingling in the background as he opens the door to his car and starts it. “What happened? Please, sweetheart, talk to me ‘fore I go crazy with wonderin’.”

“He… tried to come on to me. I-I don’t know what he was going to do to me…” you say, feeling robotic as the words come out of you.

“What. Happened.” Joel’s voice is at an angry staccato now, and you can picture his hands gripping the wheel tightly as he panics at your words.

“N-nothing did happen. Just a close call. Hurt my back a little bit, I think,” you tell him, feeling the ache in your back reminding you just how hard Vince had handled you at one point.

“Fucking hell, baby,” Joel says with a deep sigh. “I’m comin’ to you. Are you somewhere safe?”

You nod, your eyes feeling hazy and tired all of a sudden, then remember he can’t see you right now. “Yes, I’m safe. I’m inside with everyone else.”

“Good. Stay there ‘til I can get to you. Send me the address, baby, okay? I’m comin’,” Joel says.

“O-okay,” you say quietly, ending the call and texting Joel the name of the bar as quickly as you can.

Your coworkers comfort you in the meantime, seconding Leah’s promise that you won’t have to see Vince anymore. They’re all dumbstruck, not having seen it coming that he could act like that, but you just shrug, wondering if there were some red flags you’d missed trying to be a kind, welcoming person to him.

Joel pulls up in his truck in record time, tires screeching in front of the bar. He texts you that he’s arrived and you go out the door but freeze when you see Vince still sitting on the curb. Joel tries waving you over as he gets out of his truck, but he follows your eyeline to Vince and you sense his energy change immediately, even from afar. Vince scrambles up, clearly having sobered up in the last half hour or so as he sat here feeling sorry for himself. When he sees Joel, he fills in the blanks that you’ve told him what happened, and realizes just how intimidatingly big Joel is up close.

“Is this the one?” he asks, cocking his head and not taking his eyes off of Vince, who is now slowly backing away.

“Shit, I - I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, I’m stupid and drunk, s-swear,” he sputters out before you can even answer. Joel doesn’t back down, reaching Vince more quickly than he’s expecting and grabbing him by the shirt collar.

“You see that fucking girl over there? Hm?” Joel says, using his other hand to grab Vince’s chin and point his head in your direction. You stand, teeth grinding together anxiously as you watch this unfold in front of you. “Don’t you ever fuckin’ talk to her again, or even think ‘bout her, for that matter. You leave her the hell alone. You got it?” Joel forcefully turns Vince’s head back to look him in the eye.

Vince gulps visibly and closes his eyes as they meet Joel’s, nodding. “Jesus man, just let me go. All I did was try to talk to her.” Vince squeals as Joel’s grip tightens on him. You feel yourself tense with anger at his lie, knowing that things could have gotten much worse if you hadn’t landed that kick on him and gotten away when you did, or if Leah hadn’t shown up to check on you.

“We both know that ain’t true,” Joel tuts. “She owes you absolutely fuckin’ nothin’, don’t forget that. In case you get any ideas again,” Joel says, releasing both of his hands and letting Vince fall back.

“C’mon, darlin’. Let’s get out of here,” Joel says, his voice completely changed, soft and warm in your direction as he rushes over and takes you into his arms, guiding you to his car. You shoot a last, bitter glance at Vince, who is running his hand through his hair, turning to walk away. The frustration he has at himself is clearly visible in the way he’s carrying himself now. You almost want to feel sorry for him, knowing he made such a big mistake, and he does seem to regret it. But you can’t feel that sorry when you know he was stopped short, not knowing just how far he would’ve gone to get what he was searching for tonight. Maybe he was more sorry he got caught, you wonder. You sigh, shaking your head at the sight of him before climbing into Joel’s truck. Good fucking riddance.

Joel speeds off, hands gripping the wheel tightly as you cruise down the highway, back towards his house. You finally feel the pure disappointment of the situation sink in on you, heavy and burdensome on your soul.

“I said nothing happened… but that’s not true. He tried to kiss me,” you say. “Well, he did, I guess. He did kiss me. And tried…my shirt…” you trail off, feeling your eyes glaze over a little as you try to recount every detail of what went down, finding that it’s making you feel immediately sick.

Joel’s body tenses even further next to you, so tight that you worry he might snap at any moment. “S’okay, baby. It’s all over now,” he says, amazingly calm and controlled for the way his body language is screaming the very opposite. You resort to staring out the window for the duration of the drive back, watching the familiar sights as you enter into the suburbs, finding a small comfort in the routine of it all.

He brings you inside of your apartment instead of his house, immediately getting you settled on your bed. He starts to dig through your drawers, muttering to himself.

“Where is it…” he says quietly, before finally pulling out a white shirt, then grabbing a pair of pajama shorts.

“Alright, let’s put these on, okay?” Joel says, handing you the t-shirt of his he gave you weeks ago, the Texas Longhorns one you love so much. You grip it to your chest and feel the ghost of a smile on your lips for the first time in what feels like hours.

You change out of your work clothes and into the pajamas Joel had brought over to you, already feeling a sliver better just having some of your comfort clothing hugging your body now. The shirt had long since stopped smelling like Joel, but the presence of him emanating from it was more than enough. Joel sits down gingerly next to you, snuggling you into his chest.

“What do you need, baby? Anything at all,” he says quietly, the deep rumble of his chest near you another comforting balm to your weariness.

“Just… be here with me. That was so… fucking scary. I’m so angry, but I also… feel like I can’t even feel anything right now. Why did he…?” You exhale long and slow. “Did I miss some sign that this would happen? Was I too busy trying to be fucking nice to him? Trying to be agreeable with everyone at work when he’d make comments?”

“No, of course not, darlin’. You’re a sweet girl, you are. But that ain’t what brought this on. That’s all on him,” Joel assures you, shaking his head in frustration at the situation.

“He asked me out, Joel. Weeks ago. I said no, of course,” you start, shooting Joel an affirming glance. “He’s made some comments since then, nothing crazy. I thought he’d moved on from it, but sometimes he’d… take things too far. Comments about my looks, what I was wearing. I shouldn’t have ignored it.”

“It’s not on you to decide all of that. He was the one who did it, not you. Best not to analyze yourself to death, we’d be here all night pickin’ it all apart, wouldn’t we? Let’s just focus on movin’ on, gettin’ you feelin’ better for right now.” Joel holds you for a few moments before shifting where he sits.

“Want me to run you a bath? Get you somethin’ to eat? Watch shitty TV with you? Anything, please, baby, I’m at a loss here.” Joel holds you tightly, seemingly afraid to let go of his grip on you, worried if he does, the fragile thing he’s seeing you as right now will fall apart completely.

“It’s okay, Joel. You don’t always have to have all the answers,” you say, smiling a little at how hard he’s trying right now. “You already did so much - coming to get me, being there for me right now. Thank you.”

“Oh, you’re welcome darlin’,” Joel says. “Why don’t you shower, and I’ll get this bed all ready for us to watch some Lover’s Paradise, how’s that sound?”

You crack another much needed smile and tell him it sounds great, heading to the bathroom to take an overly hot shower, trying to scrub the frustration off of your body as you let the hot water pummel your skin. Joel was right, you do feel better after stepping out of the steamy bathroom all lotioned up in your favorite scent and back in his t-shirt, opting to go without the shorts this time. You’ve found that you feel sexiest in just his shirt like this, and you’re feeling the need for some of that confidence right now.

“Look at ya, all fresh and pretty,” Joel says with a playful wink, and you practically launch yourself at him where he lays propped up on your bed, latching yourself onto his body, wrapping your limbs around him as much as possible.

“I grabbed snacks, sorry for raidin’ your cabinets,” Joel says, showing you the things he’d pulled from your growing candy and sweets collection. You snatch the Twizzlers bag from his hand and pull one out, munching at it absentmindedly as Joel flicks the TV back to life, having already pulled up an episode of Lover’s Paradise for you two.

“This is all perfect Joel, thank you,” you say, looking up from where your head rests at the crook of his neck to find his eyes.

“You feelin’ any better?” he asks.

You nod with a small smile, finding that the sting from tonight has lessened a bit with all of his care. Joel lets you just be - eating candy and throwing comments at the screen while you two watch animatedly, laughing at all the romantic drama the contestants find themselves entangled in.

“Remember the first time we did this, first time I came over here?” Joel asks suddenly into your silence after you’ve finished two episodes.

“Mhm,” you mutter sleepily, nodding into his chest.

“Knew you’d ruin me for sure that night,” he says with a small chuckle. “When we said we’d stay on each other’s minds, promised to keep doin’ all this. I was done for.”

“I knew the minute I saw you mowing your stupid lawn,” you say with a laugh shared by Joel. “So fucking hot,” you murmur, shaking your head at the memory.

“You thought so? Maybe I was puttin’ on a little show for you,” Joel says cheekily.

“Knew it, nobody looks that good mowing their lawn unless it’s to impress somebody,” you reply, tracing a hand down Joel’s torso. You place a few kisses onto his chest with the fabric of his t-shirt in the way, and your hand snakes even lower to his belt line, fiddling with his waistband tantalizingly.

“Baby... Never wanna say no to ya, but I think you should just rest tonight. Look at you, barely keepin’ your eyes open right now.”

Joel’s right, you are half asleep, but right now you just want to feel good. You know he can give that to you in an instant, he can turn your world upside down with his fingers or tongue or cock, and you’ll forget all about the shit that went down tonight. He could give that to you, but you know that after it’s all said and done, you’ll still have to process all the emotions you’re feeling, so you opt to simply nod your head in agreement with Joel.

“Fine. First thing tomorrow, though. Want you to make me feel good,” you say quietly, your face smushed into his chest.

“Promise, baby, first thing this cock is all yours,” Joel replies with an amused chuckle. “Don’t think you know what you’re askin’ for,” he adds quickly with a lower, darker tone. You pause, realizing that Joel is asking for consent in his own way, making sure what he has in mind is alright so that he doesn’t cross any boundaries you aren’t willing to. You feel a swell of pride and respect that he wants to do that for you, especially after what happened tonight.

“I know exactly what I’m asking for,” you reply, and Joel’s lips curl up into a devious smile.

And so you begin counting the minutes until you can sleep, knowing what awaits you when you wake is going to be very worth the wait.

taglist: @paleidiot @mumma-moonchild @soph55 @chicville03 @joelsversion @feliciab1990 @fellinfromthetop @gossipgirl-03 @sarap-77 @blueseastorm

sorry some of the tags were being weird i tried my best i’m kinda new to tag lists! message to let me know if yours didn’t work i’m sorry!

#TY FOR YOUR PATIENCE LOVE U ALL #fic: closer #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x you #the last of us fanfiction #tlou fanfiction #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal x reader

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gyutaro-shabana-upper6 · 5 months

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𝐓𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐫 𝐆𝐲𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

Thanks so much for 500 followers! To celebrate I'll be writing some headcanons specifically for this version of Gyutaro. Most of these headcanons will be relationship headcanons since that's what his simps enjoy the most. This will be Gyutaro x gn!reader. SFW headcanons will be first, and the NSFW headcanons will be below it separated and marked as 18+. I hope you enjoy these special headcanons! And if you ever want more writing for tumblr Gyutaro, feel free to ask me here or on my main page ˚˳♡

𝐒𝐅𝐖 ꒦‧₊ ꒷

Gyutaro is weird. He isn't just your typical guy. I feel like first I need to establish why this man is so fucking weird.

At first things were normal. He was completely "canon" until his sister convinced him to join tumblr to meet his simps. After that, things changed for him. He was meeting new people and trying new things. It was the first time he did something on his own, before this all he did was kill, eat, repeat.

He had almost no social skills and didn't know how to function properly in this new environment. He's 126 years old, but it was like he was an infant again, and he felt lost and clueless. The only thing he had to teach him how to behave around people was tumblr. Can you imagine an infant being taught social interaction by tumblr? Yeah, and you wonder why he's so weird.

Not to mention the first person who he really trusted to show him the ropes and take him under their wing. Driptaro. Who else would Gyutaro trust more than himself? Another version of himself of course! And that's how their bromance started. Most of Gyutaro's relationship knowledge he learned from Driptaro too.

Since joining tumblr Gyutaro has had his fair share of relationships. And man, is it difficult to be in a relationship with him. Especially if you're a human.

Getting into a relationship with him is hard enough, because he rarely catches feelings. Most the people that show interest in him are just straight up thirsty for him, and that can push him away. He'll just label them as another thirsty simp like everyone else. Since so many people are flirting with him and trying to get with him, it's very rare that he would develop feelings for someone.

But if you do things right he'd fall for you. He'll deny it but he really wants to be loved.

If you're able to get into a relationship with him it's going to be difficult. He may be a cool guy but let's not forget that he's still Gyutaro. And he can be an asshole sometimes. You'll need to be extremely patient with him if you want things to work. Even one fight could end it for good. His anger gets the best of him sometimes and if he gets pissed off enough, he'll just end things and pretend he never cared about you in the first place.

Never tell him what to do. Especially if you're a human. He'd snap and blow up at you for thinking you have authority over him. He's upper moon 6, no human has the right to tell him what to do. The only people who are allowed to do so are Daki, Muzan, and maybe some of the upper moons.

If you're a human, he's going to think he has all of the authority. He thinks you're just a silly human, and you need to listen to him because he knows what's good for you. He thinks he's actually protecting you by doing this.

He prefers dating humans because they're weak. Gyutaro may be "ugly" but he knows that he's strong. And nothing makes him feel more fulfilled than being able to protect someone he cares about. He wants his partner to come to him for comfort and protection. That'd make him feel so happy.

Not to mention he's a bit of a yandere, though he HATES being called a yandere. This side of him really only comes out if he really is falling for someone.

He has a lot of flaws when it comes to relationships but he has a lot of great qualities too. Like he's honestly a sweetheart. He'll take you on romantic dates, bring you gifts, and tell you cheesy jokes so he can hear your cute laugh.

When you're around he'll be a blushing mess. Always wanting to be close to you and taking care of you. He'll never admit it, but he falls in love quickly. All he really wants is to be loved.

His favorite thing is cuddling. If you were his partner he'd cuddle you all day in his bed. And when you try to leave he'd hold you tighter and beg you not to go. You'd have to pry his heavy body off of you as he pouts and lays on top of you, trying to get you to stay.

He craves the love that a relationship brings, but at this point he doesn't believe he'll ever get it. He's had his fair share of heartbreak and he thinks he doesn't deserve love. Since everyone just cares about his eggplant he thinks that that's all he's good for.

He thinks he isn't cut out for love, and that the only way he can get affection is through hookups. It makes him really sad because he wants a partner, but he believes he doesn't deserve that.

𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 ꒦‧₊ ꒷

When Gyutaro first came to tumblr, he wanted nothing to do with sex. He had lived for so long convincing himself that it was something he could never have, so he also convinced himself that he hated it.

But in reality it's something he really enjoys. He only learned that when Driptaro taught him about sex and told him how awesome it was. Only then was he willing to give it a shot. After trying it for himself, he found out it was actually pretty fun and something he wouldn't mind doing again.

Since people throw themselves at him all the time, it's not surprising that he's had a few sexual partners. But by no means does he want to hook up with all of his simps, sometimes things just happen you know? He's mostly done it with people he had romantic feelings for, but he has had a few hookups with people he barely knew. He's slept with women, men, humans, and demons in the past. So he knows what he's doing.

He much prefers to have sex with someone he's in a relationship with though. But if he isn't in a relationship he's ok with hooking up too. Especially if he's had a rough day and is feeling bad about himself. He'll do anything for some affection to drown the pain. This is when he's most likely to have the casual hookup.

But he really enjoys that intimacy, and the feeling of love he gets from having sex with someone he loves. Honestly, if you date him he may try to do it all day with you. His stamina is infinite so he could literally go forever.

He can be pretty rough. And we all know he's big downstairs too. So if you ever sleep with him, it's something you'll never forget.

He really does try to be gentle though, especially if he's with a human. He'll go slow and ask you if you're ok. Soft moans leaving his lips as he slowly thrusts into you while holding your hand.

He's definitely more dominant in the bedroom. He'll be a sweetheart and take things slow for you, but at the same time he'll be holding your hips and bouncing you on his cock.

He loves to just pick you up and do as he pleases with you. With your okay of course. Consent is very important to him.

Gyutaro has a very high libido, if you're in a relationship with him you'll never have to worry about a boring sex life.

Touch him below his belly button and he'll instantly get hard. That spot is sensitive and being touched there is an instant turn on for him.

He quickly gets overwhelmed by pleasure when he has sex. His cheeks will be red, sweat dripping down his temple, as he's moaning loudly and pounding into you. His hip bones slamming into you as his thrusts get harder and harder.

The chances of him filling you up with his cum are very high. This man's pull out game is weak. He just gets so overwhelmed that he's not able to use his brain and his cock at the same time. Everything within him is telling him to cum inside of you, and that's exactly what he's going to do.

Afterwards he's going to spoil you and treat you like royalty. You'll most likely be too fucked silly afterwards to clean yourself up anyways. He'll pick you up and carry you to the bathroom to clean you up, he may even run a warm bath for you. And afterwards he'll tuck you into bed and hold you in his arms.

He's going to watch you sleep for a while before he falls asleep too. He'll just sit there thinking about how much he loves you and how happy he is to have found someone like you.

Gyutaro just wants to have a partner who loves him for who he is and not just because they want his dick. If he can find someone like that, then trust me, they'll get plenty of it.

He gets in his head a lot though. And right now he thinks he's not cut out for love. But even if he's convinced of it, we all know it's not true. And that Gyutaro has the ability to be a phenomenal boyfriend if he found the right person.

#gyutaro #gyutaro shabana #gyutaro x reader #gyutaro x y/n #kny x reader #demon slayer x reader #kny rp #follower milestone

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cathchicken · 1 year

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Oops I tripped on a rock-

Welp timeline change ig

Sooooo this is the new collector and king AU I made today. As you can tell, it is very different from my normal aus. I’m tempted to not even call it an AU at all, since it is almost one in the most literal sense…

Essentially: king and the collector exist as different people in a completely different witch and demon universe. The collector himself is a witch, or “wizard” as I call them. King is, well, a demon still, or a monster more specifically. They live somewhat different lives, and are somewhat different people, but are still collector and king nevertheless.

Definitely not a traditional AU. But I think this will be fun

The collector: he is a young wizard who is mainly socially reclusive. Probably late teens, as compared to the typical ToH collector. Not immortal. Their communication skills are… not great, and often resorts to talking with their hands. They try their best. His status as a wizard means somewhat; he is able to provide spells to non-magic folk, but for relatively cheaper costs. It thankfully is enough to make him a reasonable living. He’s not afraid to chew on a few stray comet newts every once in awhile…

King: a monster. He is usually ignored by most people, and often prefers to stay unnoticed anyways. He one day find the collector, however, and is allowed to crash for a bit before he continues on. A nomadic lifestyle is common for monsters, anyway. But soon, they get close. And King decides each day, essentially, “tomorrow I’ll leave”

TW FOR BELOW: disturbing themes mainly

Their overall relationship is extremely complex. The collector… craves intimacy. He’s not sure how it really works though, but he’s sure what he wants is more than just something to fill the void of his loneliness. He sees king as an opportunity, but doesn’t want to force anything. They are pretty desperate though. King, on the other hand, has his own issues. As you can see in the art, he doesn’t actually possess a skull-like face. It’s just a mask. King isn’t afraid to show his own face however… he just eventually found the mask as a way to better express himself, in to an almost idealistic fashion, without his insecurities getting in the way. But sometimes… his own feelings of wanting a genuine relationship bubble up… especially around his new buddy, Collector. The Collector says he should embrace his inner self, as it’s what makes him beautiful. But it’s soon pretty obvious that when King lets go, he REALLY lets go. He can’t control himself anymore, and sometimes ends up hurting collector. He knows it’s bad, but with the constant praise of the collector, he chooses not to stop. The collector also gets the feeling that he shouldn’t convince king to keep giving in, but he also knows that this is essentially Kings raw and unaltered version of affection… and he likes it. He’s so happy at the thought of receiving love and friendship, he doesn’t realize he is being bitten… and scratched… and torn apart…

In the end, this AU is about two people who, essentially, are not neurotypical in any way. They are trying to fit into societal norms, but also wanting to be able to be themselves in a healthy way. This relationship, as you can tell, starts off really dirty. But if I ever develop this story a bit more, I want it to be about them both finding how to care for each other in their own way, but also in a healthy way. It’s not that they won’t make good friends, they both have just never had a friend before. This is a journey they will face together

Ok it is 3 am. Sleep time!!!

#ToH #the owl house #ToH au #the collector #toh collector #king clawthorne #platnium bones #my art #sketch #cathchicken

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liz-allyn · 1 year

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sugar and vice, pt. 17 [mob!tasm!peter x fem!reader]

summary: time for a reckoning.

words: 9.5k

chapter warning: angst. bitter feelings.. description of a shooting.

series warnings: mob-typical violence, bang bang shoot shoot, whomp. hurt/comfort. s*xu*l situations. spousal ab^se. family trauma. dr^g use. coercion. manipulation. kidnapping. gore. blood. toxic/yandere!peter (maybe, sorta), negative self talk, shameless forced proximity trope. ‘only ten one bed oops’ trope, imprisonment. slowest burn. a dash of questionable and/or morally grey intentions. extremely toxic relationships.

This version of TASM Peter is not canon. The relationships and characters here are not healthy.

Don't date a mob boss.™️

18+ You’re responsible for your own media consumption, but if you don't remember when TVs were square, you should not be here.

Back to Part 16.

Part 17

Twelve hours after she last saw Peter, she emerged from her bedroom for the first time. It was already past lunchtime, but she didn’t have much of an appetite. Wearing a comfortable athleisure set with a soft fleece half-zip pullover (with plenty of pockets), she took only a glance down the hallway at Peter’s door. The door to the primary bedroom was closed, shrouded in shadow.

“If you’re lookin’ for ‘em, he’s not here,” a feminine voice called from downstairs. It was Felicia.

Honey followed the sound and padded down the stairs to see the other woman standing next to Rex’s terrarium. With her long, silver hair flowing down her back, she leaned down and curiously watched Rex chase after a tiny swarm of crickets. Her eyes were focused with morbid curiosity, tongue poking slightly out of her lip as she studied how the lizard moved. He darted around in the blink of an eye, gobbling up the tiny insects and crushing them in his jaws. He was so much faster when he had something to hunt.

“Didn’t know you were here,” Honey said, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. “Got a meeting or something?”

“Nah, I’m on my lunch break,” she smirked. “Mafia stuff works up an appetite.” She straightened her back and let out a long sigh. “Wanna go do somethin’?”

Her brow furrowed. “What?”

“Well,” Felicia explained, “I was thinkin’ we could hang out. Just us girls. Get some lunch. Go get our nails done. Do some shopping. Stop by the hospital and snap a few x-rays?”

Honey’s shoulders slumped, her face falling flat. “Thanks, but I’m fine.”

“That’s not what I heard,” Felicia replied teasingly. “I heard you almost took a flaming bumper to the face. Pretty close call. Then again, I’ve had worse dates, though—”

“What did Peter tell you?” Honey asked sharply, her lips pressed together.

Felicia furrowed her brows. “All he told me was that you should probably see a doctor,” she frowned, disappointed at the hostility. “Nothin’ else.”

Honey rolled her eyes. “You ever get tired of doing what he tells you to do?”

Felicia blinked her long plush lashes several times, then replied calmly. “I’m not here because he told me to be. I’m here because I thought you needed a friend.” Honey swallowed hard, glancing away toward the bright windows and letting the light burn her eyes. “But if that’s not something you need right now, I get that too. Just say so.”

She sighed, and when she faced Felicia again, her eyes were red-rimmed. A lump settled in her throat, and her voice was a weak murmur. “It’s not the pain that bothers me. It’s the fear.”

She bit down on her jaw to steady it, attempting to ward off tears with her loathing. She looked over at Felicia to see the woman watching her patiently, brows pinched together with concern.

“For a second there, I thought I was gonna die,” she explained grimly. “I saw the flash... and I felt the heat— and I-I thought I was already dead.” Her eyes misted over, and she brought the back of her hands up to rub them angrily. She sniffed. “I was going to die and couldn’t do anything about it. I’d rather break every bone in my body than feel that again. I’d rather die, th-than feel...”

She couldn’t finish the sentence, biting down on her tongue. She squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head. She flung out a million curse words in her brain, admonishing herself for crying in front of Felicia. Self-loathing bubbled up in her chest. A cruel, bitter chuckle escaped her throat as she reminisced over her suggestion to ‘embrace her power.’ It was a joke to think she had anything of the sort.

“Helpless,” Felicia supplied solemnly.

Honey glanced up at her. Blinking with surprise, she observed how the other woman held herself. Arms crossed tight in front of her chest. Whatever difficulty Honey had with eye contact, Felicia had it worse. The taller woman pressed her lips together, grimacing.

When the two women finally met each other’s eyes, Honey was perplexed. It wasn’t pity on Felicia’s face—not like she’d feared. Instead, there was a painful solidarity between them.

As Honey opened her mouth to speak, Felicia strode up to her, arms extended. Then, too quickly and perhaps too awkwardly, the taller woman hunched down and pulled her into a tight embrace.

Honey gasped at the action. She was hugging her. Honey wasn’t tall enough to place her chin on Felicia’s shoulder. Instead, she leaned into the hug, resting her chin against her clavicle.

Awkward as it was, it was a very pleasant hug. The smaller woman returned it as best she could, despite the throbbing ache in her side. At that moment, she could look past that pain and allow herself to feel the embrace.

Felicia gave good hugs, she decided.

Tears welled up in Honey’s eyes, and she allowed herself to feel those, too.

Thirty-six hours after she last saw Peter, she curiously poked her head into the empty primary bedroom to see it untouched. Sheets were pristine and smoother than glass. His toothbrush and toiletries were missing from the bathroom.

Peter had granted her wish. Both of them—it appeared, including the request she made before their shoot-out at the arcade. She wanted space, and now she had it.

Not only had Peter not made an appearance, but every faceless guard had strangely vacated the penthouse. It was quiet in the morning haze. Peaceful.

She spent the day alone with Rex on her shoulder. They found plenty of things to do. After all, they were in a million-dollar home. They had endless hours of TV to watch. They had access to a full home gym (which she hadn’t bothered to enter until now and wasn’t going to while icing a hairline-fractured rib, no matter what Rex said about accountability). She had a library of beloved novels to read, a heated infinity pool on the roof, and a $5,000 coffee maker.

What more could she possibly need?

Thirty-seven hours after Peter, she noticed no more lights coming from the camera in her bedroom. Or in the hall. Or in the primary bedroom, or the great hall, or the terrace entrance, or the kitchen, or anywhere else she looked.

Thirty-eight hours after Peter.

Thirty-nine hours after Peter.

Forty hours after Peter.

Forty-six hours after Peter, she tucked herself into the covers of her own bed. She was exhausted, and the doctor-prescribed 4-6 hour pain medication had worn off.

She embraced the pain like it was her child. It was grounding and balanced the self-righteous anger that burned in her chest.

Peter wasn’t coming back tonight. It’s probably best, she thought.

He’s probably fucking someone else, she thought.

Probably best.

The third day without Peter brought a pleasant surprise. Hearing a knock at the front door, she rushed into the foyer with Rex on her shoulder. The knock itself was odd since no one ever knocked. No one asked for her permission to enter. The place wasn’t ‘hers’ to grant people entry to. Or was it?

Curiously, she pulled the door open, and her heart filled with joy. “Miles!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms around the teen. Rex skittered around almost up on her head, displeased with the lack of personal space.

“Hey,” he chuckled, surprised as he returned the embrace, “whassup? I mean, I know I’m a sight for sore eyes, but—”

Grinning wide, she pulled back. “Hell yeah, you are! I’ve missed you so much! How are you? What are you doing here? What have you been up to?”

“Whoooaa,” he replied, hands outstretched. “We’ll get to all that later. First, can I come in?”

Honey flexed a brow. “Can you—you’re asking me?”

“I was asking Rex, but he doesn’t have thumbs.”

She blinked, stunned. “Ye-yeah, sure. Come in!”

“Cool! Alright, second thing—I’m hungry.”

Honey and Miles sat together on the floor in the TV room with empty boxes of Filipino takeout around them. Miles took the last lumpia roll after Honey insisted that she was stuffed. She had yet to learn where the skinny kid was putting all the food.

They spent several hours catching up on the latest teenage drama. Miles did most of the talking. He filled her ears with everything from his college applications, an opportunity he received to paint a mural at a local Boys and Girls Club, to the pretty girl he ran into (literally) while leaving a bodega. She was amused and engaged—and overall honored that he would share his stories with her and allow her to be a sounding board. She lamented not being able to do the same with her sisters.

On her part, Honey didn’t have much to say about her recent experiences, nor did she really want to. However, a question kept prickling the back of her mind.

“So. Um.” She cleared her throat, wiping her hands with a napkin as the hour grew late. “Have you, um, talked to Peter lately?”

Miles pressed his lips together, glancing at her briefly before his eyes fell to the ground. “Nah. Not directly.” Several moments of silence passed. “Haven’t seen ‘em since—” He bit his tongue. “For a while.”

She hummed in acknowledgment. “Probably a good idea,” she said.

Another pause. Miles watched her curiously. “I miss him.”

A bitter laugh she couldn’t contain burst from her lips. “I can’t imagine why.”

He raised a brow. “He’s not a bad person.”

She turned towards him accusingly. “How can you say that? You know what he is.” She connected the memory of Miles storming out of the penthouse after accusing him of being ‘on something,’ and the horrifying picture of Peter sticking a needle in his arm and becoming—something else. “You’ve seen what he’s done.”

“I have,” Miles nodded knowingly, although his tone didn’t suggest that he agreed with her. He shifted his position and gazed down at his shoes, losing himself in thought. “I’m worried about him, y’know.”

Honey rolled her eyes. “Miles. Seriously. You need to worry about yourself.” She connected with his eyes, imploring. “Peter is dangerous. The life he lives is dangerous. You need to stay as far away from him as you can.”

Miles fixed his gaze on her, studying her reaction. “I’ve known Peter since I was a kid.”

“You still are a kid—”

“I mean it,” he declared. Honey observed the resolve in his expression and silenced herself, allowing him to speak without interruption. “I’ve seen him when things are bad, yeah. But I’ve also seen him at his best. There’s good and bad in him. In everybody.”

Sighing, Honey listlessly nodded. “Two wolves. I know. I know.”

Another long silence filled the air, prompting her to look over at him. There was a darkened expression in his eyes, mouth in a tight line, as he gazed at the wall.

“Did I tell you I almost went to jail?” he asked. A crease formed between her eyebrows. She shook her head in confusion. “Yeah,” he added, nodding sadly. A dark cloud rested over him. “It was, um—It was a few years ago. Not long after my mom got hurt.” He crossed his arms tightly. “It was when we moved from Brooklyn. Things sucked that first year. I was in a school I didn’t like. Didn’t have any friends. My dad had to start dropping me off at the front because I didn’t want to go. It was embarrassing.”

The slightest glimmer of amusement tweaked his eye, and Honey grasped at it with a warm smile. Then, just as quickly as the light appeared, it went out again like a flame in the wind.

“I got into fights a lot,” Miles said without pride. “I was angry, y’know? A lot.”

With solemn eyes, she bit her lip, nodding. Violence was still somewhat new to her, at least from the perpetrating side. Anger she knew intimately.

“Everyone tried to talk to me about it. My counselors at school told my dad that I needed to see a therapist. But how was I supposed to talk to anybody? I couldn’t even tell them who I was, or what happened—”

His voice clipped. He swallowed hard. Her brows furrowed with concern as she watched tears well in his eyes.

“This one day, I don’t know. I lost it. I was walking home from school, and this kid from my class saw me. He was older than me, like 17 or something. This dude... sucked. Just not cool. Always messin’ with me. But on this day, I-I guess I wasn’t havin’ none of it. And I hit him. He went down, just one hit.” A smirk formed on his face. “It felt kinda good to shut him up.”

His half-smile faded, eyes darkening. “And then I hit him again. He was on the ground, and I-I just couldn’t stop.”

His voice was wracked with shame. Honey reached out and grabbed his hand, wrapping her fingers tightly around his.

“Next thing I know, I feel hands pulling me off,” he swallowed dryly. “I’m tryin’ to fight all of ‘em. I don’t know, I guess I thought— Like, I was back there? Where they took me.”

Tears welled in her eyes, as she sadly nodded with understanding.

“I kept fighting. Everyone. I wanted to hurt everyone—”

“Miles,” she said, heart aching. “None of that was your fault. You were probably having a flashback, you weren’t yourself—”

“Let me finish.”

She silenced herself, stowing her pity.

“Pete was the one that stopped me. He stopped me. He hugged me. Told me to go home. So I did what he said. When the cops came, they weren’t lookin’ for me. They were looking for him. He told them that he was the one who beat up that kid. Said he was a punk that needed a lesson.”

She sat motionlessly, stewing over the information. Miles looked up at her. “He took the fall for me. I asked him why. He saved my life, he got my family outta New York. Why do more than that? He said he believed in me. He saw what I did and believed I could be better than that. But if I had a record, no one was going to see past that.” His voice sounded tenser, stretched thin with emotion. “He saw me at my worst, and still—he tried to protect me. All he’s ever done since he got me outta that warehouse is try to protect me. Protect the people he cares about.”

Honey glanced away, her brows furrowed. Then, gently, she replied, “I understand why you feel that way, Miles. But he’s not just doing all this to protect us. He’s not keeping us safe.”

“Nah,” Miles nodded, shrugging with a half-smile. “Pete does what he does because he’s crazy. He’s messed up. Seriously.” She smirked back for a moment, the gesture failing to reach her eyes. “But I love ‘em, too. He’s family. That’s what families are for.”

Her heart cracked at his admission. She felt an overwhelming sense of pity for the teen. He was so pure. So naive.

Carefully choosing her words, she gently replied, “Miles, I’m not sure you fully realize what Peter’s capable of.”

He nodded, then said, “I am, though. He saved my life. That’s what he’s capable of.” He added thoughtfully. “That’s the Peter Parker I believe in. The kinda guy that’s gonna make a good dad someday.”

She observed him quietly, biting her tongue. The image of Peter holding a baby branded itself into her brain. She pictured him taking a hike near the mountain retreat with a small child sitting on his shoulders.

Was Peter a boy dad or a girl dad?

He was great with Miles in the moments that she saw them together. Peter had a knack for teaching. He gushed with enthusiasm when he’d explain a concept to Miles, whether nuclear fusion or chemical bonds. He made it sound interesting—even to her.

She could imagine Peter taking his boy by the hand and guiding him through the woods. Through adolescence. Struggling with the need to show them the world and all of its wonder and simultaneously wanting to shield him from it.

Then Honey remembered how Bella clung to Peter at her mom’s apartment. The child tugged on his pant leg, and he’d crouch down to meet her eyes. He didn’t patronize her when he spoke to her. He gave her his undivided attention, and Bella lit up inside to have it.

The memory of Bella pierced her heart, leaving a pang in her chest. “I don’t know about that,” Honey replied to Miles, her tone darker. “This is the same guy who has my niece hidden in a bunker somewhere.”

When she glanced over, Miles stared at her like she’d grown an extra arm. “What are you talking about?”

She sighed, eyes misty. “My niece, Bella. I miss her so much. Peter has her hidden somewhere, and he won’t tell me where.” Her brows furrowed in pain. “She’s just a baby.”

Miles blinked at her. Several times. “It’s not safe to know.”

She groaned with frustration. “Yeah, so I’ve heard.”

“No, you don’t get it. Peter can’t tell you where she is because he doesn’t know. No one does. That’s the whole point.”

Her head snapped towards him, eyes wide. “What?”

He shifted his body around, turning his shoulders towards her. “Only one person knows where your family is, and they’re not talking.”

She gazed at him, perplexed.

“They’re not gonna say anything.” He wore a knowing look. She stared at him, her mind spinning. When she opened her mouth to speak, Miles raised his hand, silencing her. “That’s enough heavy stuff for one night. Let’s get back to the game.”

With that, he turned towards the OLED panel in the room and grabbed one of the two Nintendo controllers next to them. Waking up the Switch, he navigated to a new screen, pulling up a character selection.

“I got Bowser this time. You wanna be Yoshi again?”

Honey stared at him, deeply confused. Miles turned to her, picking up the controller and putting it in her hands when she didn’t reply. “C’mon, we gotta get started. My neighbor’s gonna play us online.” He poked her in the arm to get her attention, then nudged his head towards the Mario Kart selection screen.

Confused, she glanced over at the characters. There was a Third Player.

“Cat Peach,” Honey said, staring at the Third Player’s character selection. “Bella loves Princess Peach.” When she looked back at Miles, he was a brick wall. Complete silence. Face neutral. Staring straight ahead at the TV screen, waiting for Honey to pick.

She curled her brow upwards, glancing at Miles, then back to the Third Player. Tears welled in her eyes as she observed the avatar on the screen. Her niece’s avatar. Her niece. Miles’ neighbor. Miles—mostly likely with his father’s help—had hid Bella and the rest of her family.

Tears flowed down her cheeks as she turned back to Miles, her jaw agape. He avoided looking straight at her, taking a sip of his third Mountain Dew. “C’mon now. Some of us have an early bedtime.”

One week after she last saw Peter, another surprise guest appeared. Because Felicia had been by every day, that’s who she expected to find at the door. Honey gasped with delight when she saw who it really was.

With twinkling eyes and hands deep in the pockets of his hoodie, Eddie smiled back. “If it isn’t Nancy Reagan.”

They spent the next half-hour catching up. Honey profusely apologized—unnecessarily—to him for being the cause of another fallout. He rejected her apology—repeatedly— but accepted her offering of two-thirds of a strawberry cheesecake.

Honey eventually got around to addressing the splinter under her skin.

“So. Did Peter send you here to spy on me?” she asked, unsure if she wanted the answer.

“Nope.” He shook his head. She couldn’t help the strange way her heart sank at his answer. Eddie peered at her suspiciously. “But it would be nice to know what you want me to tell ‘em when he inevitably asks about you.”

She pressed her lips together, eyes suddenly interested in the granite of the countertop. She wasn’t sure what she wanted him to say. She wasn’t even sure of what she wanted.

After an hour passed, Eddie explained that he was sent to the penthouse for a reason. To deliver a package.

Her eyes bulged, heart tripping, as he handed her a smartphone. The only thing that kept her from fainting was that the device was much smaller than the one she was hiding in her pocket. A model at least ten years old. It had a simple case with one of those artist-drawing stickers. A red spider. She looked up at him, eyes full of confusion.

“For emergencies,” Eddie said, shoving his hands back in his pockets. “You’re a big girl. I’m sure you’ll be fine. But just in case.”

Three weeks after she last saw Peter, she reached for the spider phone for the first time.

It was shortly after lunchtime at a chic, New American restaurant off of West 51st, adorned with a crystal chandelier, neon lights, and lush botanicals. Honey and Felicia were seated at the bar finishing up lunch (and a bottle of champagne) when the silver-haired woman excused herself to the restroom.

Being left alone was no longer strange. In the past three weeks, Honey had experienced more freedom than she had in the last four months of living with Peter Parker. She was permitted to travel wherever she pleased. Just as long as she had the emergency phone. And guards to scope the area ahead of time and transport her. And Felicia or Miles as an escort. It didn’t feel like she was being escorted. After three weeks of lonely days in the penthouse, she longed for companionship.

After the incident at the arcade, she tried to stay vigilant when left alone. But when she looked up to see Felicia return to the bar, a strange man sat on her stool instead.

She’d never seen him before. He was at least sixty, but the expression lined in deep trenches on his long face made him appear centuries older. The scent of stale cigarettes enveloped him. With graying, auburn-sand hair and intense eyes that seemed to radiate disappointment, he fixed a hard gaze on her.

“I know who you are,” he quietly declared in a bitter tone.

Every muscle in her body froze, and she fought the urge to scream for help. Instead, she kept one hand on the bar near her nearly-empty plate, resting over her steak knife.

He glanced down at her hands, unimpressed, and he gave her a sardonic smirk. “I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to help.”

She remained nothing more than a statue, lips pressed tightly together.

“More importantly, I know who you’ve been with.”

She swallowed hard. Eyes wide, she flicked them cautiously toward the corridor Felicia had disappeared through as violent images filled her mind. The food began to creep up her esophagus.

She shook her head. “I-I don’t know what you—”

“Don’t lie,” he sneered, light as a feather, while his eyes screamed in a fury. “I know you’re Peter Parker’s new girl.”

Her heart thrummed in her throat. She opened her mouth.

“If you make a scene, I’ll throw Miss Hardy into a jail cell so deep under this city she’ll be in New Amsterdam,” he glowered. Honey snapped her mouth shut while piercing sirens rang out in her head. “Did I mention I’m a cop?” he added with a cruel casualness.

She felt dizzy, her heart sinking in her chest. Her brain ping-ponged between John Walker, and Wilson Fisk, and whoever planted the car bomb, and the corrupt officers that cut down Peter’s aunt and uncle in a spray of bullets.

A long list of enemies. And by the look in this man’s eye, he wanted to be at the very top.

“My name is George Stacy,” he muttered, eyes dark. “Peter Parker killed my daughter.”

Something inside her shattered as she connected the distraught rage emanating from the man seated next to her to the angelic face in Peter’s photo box.

“Did he tell you about her? Did he tell you about Gwen?” His voice made a sound like glass breaking as he said her name. Grief and anger swirled in the blue depths of his eyes. A deep crease formed between Honey’s brows.

“Excuse me.” Felicia’s biting tone caught their attention. “You’re in my seat.” They looked over to see the silver-haired woman glaring daggers at the older man, fearless in her stance. Honey had never felt so envious of her courage in her life.

George fixed her with a disgusted sneer. “Well, well. If it isn’t the Black Cat. Parker’s still your favorite place to sharpen your claws, isn’t he?”

Felicia didn’t flinch, crossing her arms. “Aww, Georgie. Didn’t know we were already at pet names. Get out of my chair.”

Anxiously, Honey glanced back and forth between the two heavyweights. George stared up at her through narrow eyes. “You’re lucky I don’t throw cuffs on you right here,” he said.

Felicia rolled her eyes. “Kinky. Got probable cause?”

“You’re a thief who gets on her knees for a murderer.” He side-eyed Honey. “You both are.”

“I don’t really like your accusations, Georgie,” Felicia snarked. “‘Specially the criminal kind. Got proof?”

George’s jaw clenched. His eyes were black with rage.

“Didn’t think so,” Felicia answered, then turned to Honey. “How ‘bout we get outta here? I’m sure Georgie here can settle our tab.”

The man suddenly came to a stand, his full height bringing him to eye level with her. “You disrespectful little smartass.” He leaned in close, pouring venom into her ear. “You’re trash. Standing behind a man who pushed his wife off the Brooklyn Bridge. She was going to leave him! And he killed her for it.”

Wild-eyed, George turned to face Honey. “Y’know what she looked like when they pulled her body from the river?” His eyes welled with tears as he ground his teeth together. “Y’know what she looked like when I had to identify her? I couldn’t do it! The fall crushed every bone in her face!”

“That’s enough,” Felicia declared with a cold tone. “We’re leaving.”

She took Honey by the shoulder, guiding her from the bar. She could feel the tears running down her cheeks once they stepped out into the frosty air.

“You’re protecting a monster!” George shouted after them, his voice, heart, and soul obliterated.

Honey was quiet in the back of the car as they sped home.

“Was he telling the truth?” Honey asked with a mouse-like whimper, unsure if she wanted the answer. Unsure if she wanted Felicia to lie.

The woman’s gaze darted over, appearing shocked even behind the giant, black lenses of her Givenchy sunglasses. “Are you kiddin’ me?” Felicia snapped with indignation. “Of course not!” The woman sounded offended at the accusation.

Honey stared at her in silence, trying to decide which version of the truth she wanted to believe.

Twenty-three days after Peter, Honey sat across from Miles at a bistro table in front of a streetside cafe. To her right sat Bella—wearing a princess dress. Delightful as she sketched out a cat on a piece of paper. Black crayon was smeared everywhere. Miles leaned over, giving her pointers on her cat drawing, showing her his sketch of a spider.

Honey wanted to say something. She really did. But couldn’t find the words.

She couldn’t speak.

Her eyes filled with terror as she recognized the tall figure stalking towards the table, wielding a shotgun in his hands.

She couldn’t scream.

John walked up to the table, pointed the shotgun at Miles’ chest, and fired.

When she awoke, she was screaming. Her chest landed hard against a warm, firm body. Her mouth was open and dry, and her eyes were clouded with nightfall, and her throat was raw, her skin sweaty, and her face was wet with tears.

“It’s okay! You’re okay! You’re okay. It was a dream. I gotcha.”

She shuddered with relief, her heart still racing with terror. She gasped in short breaths, grounded only by the warmth on her chest, the sturdy oak branches around her body, and the soothing hum of Peter Parker’s voice.

“Shh, s’okay,” he cooed at her.

Honey buried her face in Peter’s neck, full-body sobs overtaking her. She squeezed his shoulders tight, digging her fingers into the fibers of his shirt. The scent of cinnamon and cedar filled her nostrils. Like some magic spell had been cast, she felt her muscles melt, cradled in the warmth of his hold.

“It’s okay,” Peter whispered, rocking her gently. “You’re safe. You’re okay.”

Another cry ripped through her chest at the idea. “M’not,” she stuttered over hiccups. “I’m not okay. Nothing is okay...”

She felt his fingers glide down her spine, smoothing down the tank top on her back. He softly replied, his breath tickling her ear, “It was just a bad dream—”

She was incoherent, crumpling in a pile of broken ‘no’s’ and ‘I can’ts’ and ‘I’m sorrys’ and ‘it's my faults.’ He chased away the shadows, his fingertips alternating between rubbing her back and running through her hair.

“‘S’not your fault, Honey,” Peter murmured, resolve in his voice. “None of this is your fault...”

Trembling with tears, she pulled away slowly. Hesitantly, Peter released his grip, handling her like an origami flower left out in the rain.

The scruff of his beard had grown back in, and he wore a black pullover sweater that made him appear soft and gentle in a way she was unused to. She looked up at the golden-flecked, whiskey hue of his concerned gaze. Her own eyes were bloodshot and bleary. Her heart swelled and ached at the sight of him. Distressed, his eyes flitted over her face.

The spell wore off. As soon as Honey’s body heat left Peter’s hold, they both mourned the loss. He dropped his gaze to the comforter, his cheeks flushed disconcertedly.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out, pulling his fingers away from her. “M’sorry, I-I wasn’t tryin’ to—I wasn’t watching you or anything.”

His eyes darted around, hands fretting. “Of course not,” he muttered under his breath. “Who says that? Th-That’s stupid.”

He looked back at her earnestly, “I-I didn’t want—didn’t mean to intrude, I didn’t... I-I know ‘m’not supposed to be here. I just... I came by for some stuff, and... And I-I heard you scream, and I... I thought— Uh... I, um... I’ll-I’ll leave you alone now.”

Tears spilled in rivers down her cheeks. “Why are you protecting me, Peter?” she whimpered. “Can’t you see I’m not worth saving?”

He paused, eyes going wide.

“You can’t love me,” she wept. “You don’t know who I am. You don’t know what I’ve done.” She shook her head, racked with grief. “I keep trying to protect everyone, but-but I can’t—I... I’m killing them. I’m gonna get them killed.”

“What are you talking about?” Peter whispered. He squeezed his hands together, fighting the urge to cradle her face in them.

“‘M’not a good person, Peter. And I keep waiting for you to throw me away.”

He was dumbstruck into silence, shaking his head. Brows pinched together in horror.

“Don’t say anything,” she sniffed. “Please... don’t say anything. Just... just please. I need you to hold me.” He gazed at her blankly, as she closed the gap between them, pulling him into a kiss.

Both of her arms circled his shoulders. She nudged her chest up against his. She pried open his mouth with her lips, slipping her tongue through. His breath hitched at the taste of her, his hands outstretched safely away from her body.

She pulled her lips away with a heated smack, “Please, Peter. Please just touch me.” When she leaned in to kiss him, she felt the expanse of his broad hands on her lower back. He scooped her into his embrace, letting himself sink beneath the depths of her kiss.

He could feel her heart beating up against his own, both of them like rabbits darting through prairie brush. She paused only briefly for air, resting her forehead against his before dragging her wet touch across his tongue.

He could feel her everywhere. In every artery. In every cell. Drifting within his lungs. Swimming through his brain until he was dizzy. Whenever he felt himself floating, faint with desire, she snatched him tighter. Crushing their bodies against one another.

She emerged from the shell of her bedding, crawling into his lap. Threw her leg over him, pressing her heat against his belly. The sensation drew a gasp from his lips, and he seized her hips gently. He held them steady in place.

“Stop,” he breathed. He felt her go still. He squeezed his eyes closed, pulling his lips away. “We can’t.”

His words twisted a knife in her belly, her soul bleeding out.

“I can’t,” he muttered apologetically.

She found his eyes, hers full of dismay. A punishment for her cruelty. She was afraid to ask. “Why not?”

His eyes glistened in the city lights outside of her window. He stared at her, the corners of his mouth downturned. “Because if you push me away, it’ll break me, Honey.” He swallowed heavily. “And I don’t have anything left to break.”

She squeezed her eyes closed, tears breaking through her lids. She lowered her head, grieving the innocence of when they’d first met. She’d give anything to go back to that moment.

“Stay with me,” she whispered urgently. She met his eyes again. “Just stay here,” she said, softly begging. “Please. Just hold me.”

She nudged the tip of her nose against his. He gazed up at her with somber adoration and mourning, eyes achingly tender.

“Just for tonight,” she pleaded. She wore a desperate expression, like she would perish if he let her go.

It hurt to look at her. It hurt to touch her, almost as much as it hurt not to touch her. Pain was a mutual friend.

Tears shimmering at his eyelids, he nodded softly.

Wordlessly, she gripped him tighter. As if she could physically hold on to the tiny bit of relief. She wanted to hold on for as long as she could.

They hung on to each other, curled up together beneath the darkness. She rested her cheek on his shoulder, her hand resting above his heart. Fingers outstretched, she studied the slow rise and fall of his chest. He buried his fingers in her hair, rubbing tiny circles on the nape of her neck. The sound of their hearts beating in sync soothed him, like rain pattering on a rooftop.

Just for tonight. They slept in peace.

Her limbs felt heavy, but she was warm. She snuggled against a firm body toasting her like a furnace, as tendrils of daylight pulled her from slumber. Her eyes blinked open. Curiously, she lifted her head.

Peter dozed softly with her body nestled against his side. Her eyes softened as she gazed at the way the light danced across his freckles. She studied his image, memorizing each aspect of the moment. His hair was puffy and wild. She observed flecks of amber and gray in his chestnut beard. His lips were chapped with a plump cherry pout. And while she was mapping the lines of his face, she realized that this was the first morning she’d ever woken up next to him.

Like he could hear her thinking, his hand twitched, tightening his grip on her lower back as he stirred awake. Coffee eyes wandered quickly and found hers, lighting up with warmth. A sleepy, half-smile stretched across his features.

“You’re here,” she said dreamily, returning the smile.

“I am.” His voice was thickened by deep sleep. He watched her with fondness for several moments, before adding worriedly, “Did you not want me to be?”

Her smile dimmed for just a moment. She shook her head. “It’s nice.”

It was the truth. They gazed at each other, silent and starry-eyed and lost in a pleasant peace. He brought his hand up slowly to brush a piece of hair from her face. Her skin hummed at the brush of his fingertips. A shadow darkened her eyes. “I saw George Stacy yesterday.”

She felt his muscles tighten faintly, and his eyes fluttered shut. When he opened them, he drew a measured breath. Concern dimmed his gaze. “What’d he say?”

She pursed her lips. “He told me that you pushed Gwen off a bridge.”

A sharp pain flickered on his face like the sting of a wasp. A cold shadow fell across him, like the dark side of the Moon. “You believed him.” It wasn’t much of a question.

“I don’t want to hear it from him,” she said gently. “I want to hear it from you.”

His vision drifted. Melancholy and grief swallowed him, pulling him under a dark tide of painful memories. She felt his hands release her as he shifted to a sitting position. Her heart ached at the loss of his hold, and she hopelessly tried to seek comfort by wrapping her arms around herself.

“Gwen and I—we met in high school.” The hoarse creak of his voice startled her. He sat with slumped shoulders, leaning over a bent knee. “She was the only one that knew me, before my aunt and uncle died. She stuck with me after. Even when she saw what I was becoming.”

Bitterness accentuated his tone. Delicately, Honey sat up in her sheets, leaning enough to be able to see his gloomy profile. “She tried to save me,” he said. “But what happened, happened. I told her what I had to do. And that I am what I am. She couldn’t stop me, and I told her not to try.”

He swallowed hard. “I pushed her away, tried to break it off. But that just pissed her off more. Made her double-down. She was so damn stubborn. So she tried to help me.”

A pang contorted his features for a moment. She saw a faint tremor in his lower lip. He bit down on the flesh to still its movements.

“Her dad, though,” he continued. “He was a cop. He already hated me, even before I was a criminal. It was only a matter of time before he found out who I really was.” He sniffed, lifting his chin with a rueful look. “I knew he’d protect her, but he could only do so much. Eventually he was going to find us out, and if he wanted to protect her, he was going to have to pit her against me.”

The last part of his sentence cut through him like a razor. He paused for a moment, wetting his lips. Shoving his voice out of his pained chest. “So when she turned 18, she asked me to marry her.”

The sharp lines in her forehead faded at the revelation.

“She said if we were married,” he said, haunted by grief, “she couldn’t be forced to testify against me.” He gulped again, and by the look on his face he was swallowing rusty nails. “I didn’t care that it was part of a plan. It was the happiest I’d ever been since... even since before, I think.”

He went quiet for a while, before adding grimly, “I tore her family apart. He never forgave me for that.” A dark bitterness contorted his features, the familiar echo of self-loathing returning to his voice. “And I looked that man in the eye and swore that I would protect his daughter. But I failed.”

His eyes fell closed, and for a moment she thought his memories were tattooed on the insides of his lids.

“She fell,” he ground out, tears welling up. The dam was in danger of breaking. “I tried to catch her in time.” The breath sucked out of his lungs. “It was a matter of inches. Milliseconds. But it wasn’t enough.”

He slowly turned to face her, eyes shimmering with tears. “You asked me who was responsible for her death. I didn’t push her. But I’m the reason she was up there to begin with.” A pained flicker of a smile ghosted across his lips—a cruel impersonation of acceptance, of resignation of his guilt. “She died because of me,” he declared. “I let the woman I love die. I can’t let that happen twice.”

Eyes misty and red, he let the statement rest, as if dictating words he wanted written on his tombstone.

With a heavy heart, she replied, “But I’m right here, Peter. I’m not dead. Why wouldn’t you tell me the truth? Not just about Gwen, but Bella, too? Why would you make me think you knew where she was?”

Peter looked away, gazing down at his hands, pinching his lips closed. A false light returned to his tone. “My uncle used to say that one of the two keys to success was never telling everything you know.”

He didn’t follow up with anything after that. Her face slumped in disappointment.

“Bella means the world to you,” Peter explained, meeting her eyes again. “And I’d never put her life in the hands of just anyone.” He swallowed painfully. “Not even myself. I can’t be responsible for destroying someone else I love. I won’t.”

“Destroying me—you-you really thought the solution was pushing me away?” She sounded frustrated and betrayed. “That didn’t work with Gwen. Why did you think it would work with me—?

“Because I’m afraid I already have,” Peter affirmed. She fell silent as he gazed at her mournfully. “I know what rage does to people. I know what it looks like. That night, when we were fighting—I saw it in your eyes. Saw it when you looked at me. Hatred is... it’s a flesh-eating parasite. Never satisfied.” He gazed at her, eyes grim. “That’s all me, Honey. I did that to you.”

She sighed as regret seized her lungs. “Peter,” she pleaded, “let’s go back to the mountains.” His brow furrowed with confusion, as she explained more urgently. “Let’s go away. With Miles, and-and Felicia, and Bella, and everyone, and just—just hide?”

He shook his head. “What do you mean?”

“I’m scared, Peter. I’m scared that something awful is going to happen.” She felt the thick serpent crawl up from her belly again. “I’m-I—I don’t feel safe here anymore. Between the bomb, and... then George Stacy walked right up to me in broad daylight. What if that had been someone else?” His gazed at her worriedly, and she implored, “I’m... I’m afraid someone’s watching us. Watching me.”

She swallowed hard to keep the bile from spilling out of her mouth. Her skin felt clammy. Reptilian. Lying to Peter now made her physically ill.

“You’re gonna be okay, Honey,” he replied with gentle affirmation. “You and Miles, your family—I’m gonna protect you. You don’t need to worry.”

“Please, stop telling me that,” she declared firmly. “We both know it’s not true.”

He studied her silently with a frown, eyes flitting over her face. “I’m not good with flashing lights and loud noises.”

She blinked at him, brows pinched.

He met her eyes, as if continuing a confession, “Too much stimulation has always been an issue with me. Sorf of a-a weakness, I guess.”

“What does that—?”

“The cops could tear this place apart, but they wouldn’t find anything. It’s not here. It’s in a place underground. We call it The Bunker. It’s in an abandoned subway station that nobody knows about. Roosevelt. That’s our fallback position, a strategic planning base. Weapons, cash, files on every corrupt bastard in this city. It’s all there.”

Her brain was spinning with confusion.

“Inside a bank in Queens off of Woodhaven,” he added, casual and matter-of-fact in a way that made her feel unsettled. “There’s a safe registered under the name Ezekiel Sims. Inside, there’s $63 million in cash. Unmarked bills. Untraceable, clean money. It’s my cut. Nearly fifteen years’ pension for my sins. But it’s not for me. It’s for Miles and his family. The combination to the safe is his birthdate.”

“Why are you telling me this?” she blurted, overwhelmed.

Peter stared at her, eyes soft. “Because I’m done hiding. I’m through with hiding who I am. Especially from you.” Her brows furrowed as he explained, “If you wanted to turn me in, to drain me dry, take Bella and run—you have everything you need to know. As long as you and Miles are safe. Felicia. Johnny. Everyone left alive that matters to me—all I care about is that they’re safe.”

He swallowed hard, gazing at her solemnly. “Nobody can hurt me, Honey. No one but you. If that’s what you want.”

She felt the sting of tears brimming her eyes, her heart sinking in her chest. In under a minute, he’d given her the key to her freedom, to everything she could have ever wanted. It was also the key to his destruction. The nail in his coffin. Diametrically opposed to what she could ever want.

Why her?

That’s the only thing she could think about. It was a record running on repeat, slowly driving her insane. Why trust her? Why choose her? Why risk his life and legacy for her?

Not just material things—but his family was on the line. Secrets had already been divulged. Blood had already been spilled. Why would he love her when the weight of her betrayal made her want to die?

She cast her eyes downward, unable to meet his gaze. In her mind, she wanted to scream at him to run away. She wanted to scream at him for being so blind. For foolishly choosing her, when he could have anything else. Or anyone.

“Were you with someone?” she asked, as timid and quiet as a mouse.

His eyebrows pinched together. “With someone?”

“Someone else,” she replied, a little clearer. Again, she was conflicted at whether or not she wanted the answer. “Another woman. Or man.” He was silent as she stared down at the black polish decorating her nails. “You were gone for days,” she said, idly. “I mean, n-not that I expected you to just... y’know.” She took a deep breath. “It’s okay, if you did.”

When she looked up at him, Peter was staring back at her like she had grown an extra head. “Are you asking me if I’ve had sex with anyone since I left?”

Her eyes went wide, embarrassed by the bluntness of his question. “I mean, I’m not—” She stuttered, struggling. “No, I mean, I am. I just—”

She cleared her throat. It was like wet cement surrounded her vocal cords. “I get it,” she stated, her eyes darting from his face, to his chest, to the blanket, to the wall, and back around again. “You’ve got—your-your face is, it’s nice.” She was flailing. “And your rest of you, is, um, is—”

A heat wave traveled up her neck, making her feel faint. Her breaths were coming out short. “It’s okay,” she explained apologetically. “If you did. It makes sense. I just… you can tell me.” She met his eyes, trying to steal herself. “Please. If... if you don’t mind.”

Peter stared at her for a long time. He was quiet. Contemplative. He could have grown moss. Just when she was about to pass out from the anticipation, he shifted in his seat. His umber eyes fixed on her. “Honey. Since I met you, I haven’t looked at anyone else.”

She pressed her lips together, chewing on the inside flesh. His words were like a glowing, hot blade, slicing her open. Tears rimmed her saddened gaze. Her voice came out as a whimper.

“You don’t have to lie.”

His brows furrowed. A dreary expression leveled him. He turned his shoulders towards her.

“There’s not anybody else,” he softly declared. It felt like a whisper that only she could hear. “There’s not another woman. Or a man.”

His hand came up, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. “Not another sunrise or sunset, no fancy car, no drug trip...”

The warmth of his lungs ghosted over her face like a warm mist. “No cute puppy, no breathtaking waterfall, no flower, or beach or mountain—not a single moment of joy on this Earth—that compares to how you make me feel.”

Her muscles seized, eyes wide. Tears brimmed that she was unaware she could even feel. Added to that, was the rough touch of his thumb brushing at the edge of her mouth. He stared down at her lips like he could read lines of poetry written on them.

“I was in the dark,” he murmured. “After Gwen, I was asleep. Thought I was already dead. Until I saw you. Thought it was a crush. But then... I met you.” His warm gaze heated into a small smile, thawing out his features. “I watched you sing and dance and make food, and play games with Miles, and talk about animal facts, and tell stories to Rex, and apologize to the house plants when they didn’t get watered.”

He chuckled softly, like a candle flickering on a winter night. “I listened to you talk about everything like it was—like it was a gift. Like no matter how dark it was, there was gonna be a sunrise. Like you could already see it.”

She met his gaze as her eyes welled up. No one had ever looked at her like that.

“Bringing down Fisk was always endgame for me,” he murmured. “Didn’t ever see past it. Figured I didn’t need to.” Timidly, he leaned closer, as if sharing his biggest secret. “When you touch me, it’s like I can feel the sunrise. Like I can reach out and touch the future.”

A tear trailed down her face before he wiped it away with the pad of his thumb. Her lip wobbled and she felt as if he was holding her upright. Like her life had been a perilous journey and she’d finally found rest.

“You once told me that you had all the power,” he said with a coy smirk. Embarrassment kissed her features, before he soothed it away with his hands. “That’s not the half of it,” he said. “You’re my tomorrow. You have the rest of my life in your hands.”

They gazed at each other, eyes shimmering, hearts swelling with emotions they couldn’t begin to describe.

“How could I look at anyone else?” Peter said with a profound wonder. “You’re the first and last thing I wanna see every day. There is no tomorrow for me if you’re not in it.”

His hands were holding onto the sides of her face, but inside, she was buckling. Her walls crumbled. She searched his eyes through her own blurry tears. Desperately looking for a catch. Seeking a reason not to believe him.

But she was right about another thing—she knew what it sounded like when he lied to her. And in every cell of her body, she knew that this was not it.

“Peter,” she breathed, with a wary tremor in her heart. It was like she was standing on shaky legs at the edge of the Earth, ready to dive into its core. “I think—” Her voice shook timidly, until she willed it to be steady. “I… I think... I’m in love with you.”

His eyes glowed, momentarily weakened by a fleeting helplessness. He closed them for a moment, as if to steady himself. “No,” he softly replied. Opened his eyes to stare at her like she was the answer to everything in the universe. “You’re not.” A gentle smile played upon his lips. “Not yet.”

Her insides melted for him. She wanted to fall into him and be consumed by the blaze.

“It’s okay, though,” he whispered with a subtle, teasing grin. “I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it happen. To be worthy of it.”

The cheekiness of his smile triggered an even wider one from her. She breathed out a small laugh, tears falling. He gazed down with eyes that spoke louder than his words. It left no doubt in her mind.

Peter Parker loved her.

It hurt to look at.

Her smile dimmed. “Peter.” She swallowed hard, mustering the strength to crawl across a mile of flaming coals. “I... I have to tell you something.” His light never flickered. He gazed at her, half-entranced, half-heartedly listening. “I’m... I’m not the person you—”

A phone buzzed.

Her heart seized in her chest. A full stop. It felt like the touch of death.

Peter flinched nervously, snapped out of the spell. He dropped his hands to his pockets, digging the buzzing device from his slacks.

She sealed her eyes closed, withholding a silent scream.

Peter gazed down at the screen with a frustrated sigh, looking up at her apologetically, and put the device to his ear. “What is it,” he answered, quietly seething. As he listened to the muddled voice on the other end, Honey was dizzy with conflicting emotions. She wanted to curl up and die.

“What do you mean he’s here? We’re supposed to meet in Brooklyn.”

That was the last straw. She needed to say it. She needed to come clean. She needed to tell Peter the truth about everything. To bare her soul and confess her sins the way he had. The only problem was that her heart was stuttering in her chest, shaking her stomach so much that she was going to vomit on her bedspread.

“Fuck,” she idly heard him mumble. “Alright. Let ‘em in. Make ‘em wait. I’ll be down in a minute.”

She was drowning in sorrow as he ended the call. Oblivious to her distress, he shoved his phone back in the pocket of his jeans. He looked back at her, disappointment twisting his face. He read the look on her face as frustration at the interruption.

“I’m... I’m sorry,” he winced. “I...” His eyes darted to her door. “I... I have to—”

He didn’t need to say it. Duty called. Her opportunity to resolve herself was slipping away. Maybe it never even existed.

He cupped her face with his hands, gazing at her tenderly. “You get cleaned up, okay? And I’m yours the rest of the day. We’ll go anywhere you want. Just gotta take care of this one thing. It’ll take me less than an hour.”

Less than an hour.

She had less than an hour until her world crumbled. Until she revealed to the one person that ever really loved her that he was wrong about her. She was never worthy of his love.

“I promise,” he repeated with soothing tones and gentle touches. He leaned in slowly, as if requesting permission, and pressed a delicate kiss to her forehead.

She responded with something that sounded vaguely like words. He removed his hands. His touch. His warmth. Finally, he removed himself from her presence.

Dread filled her, along with a cold fear that she’d never see it again.

She followed instructions with an empty brain. A hollow heart.

When she emerged from her room, she was clean. Her stomach was empty of its contents. The color had faded from her skin. She was an apparition, walking aimlessly among the living in the waking world.

Rex. She went down the stairs to check on Rex. Maybe he needed his terrarium cleaned. Maybe she could clean it. Maybe she could scrub the whole penthouse with a toothbrush while she waited for the sensation to come back to her fingers and toes.

Her feet guided her closer to Rex’s tank, and she stopped suddenly. Aware that someone was blocking her path. A tall, beefy figure leaned down over the terrarium.

They turned to face her.

Her eyes went wide.

Her heart jumped.

Her breath seized.

John Walker fixed her with a pleasant smile—cheeks rosy, shark-blue eyes twinkling with amusement.

“So, this is what you’ve been hiding away, eh?” he grinned snarkily.

The world was spinning. The earth was shaking. She thought the whole building would come down on top of her.

“I don’t think we’ve had the chance to meet,” John said.

Her brows furrowed. She was frozen stiff, barely registering Peter as he walked up into her view. Stood shoulder-to-shoulder with John.

“No, I, uh... I was saving it for a special occasion,” Peter replied. He glanced over at John with a fond expression, then faced her.

A rat caught in a trap.

A snake stretched between the fangs of two wolves.

Torn apart.

“This is, uh, an associate of mine,” Peter told her. “A friend, really. I'd like you to meet Steve Rogers.”

Continue to Part 18

[back to masterlist]

a/n Thank you everyone for your patience and support! Things are going to heat up and move very fast. I appreciate your positive feedback.

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fatsillykewn · 3 months

Note

what are your kyman hcs

I'll give ya my favorite hcs I came up with without getting too detailed because I have a TON of hcs that I can get way too carried away with.. 🤭💖 The timeline for these range from high school to college ish.

…

Once it's established that they are in a relationship, Cartman and Kyle do not do PDA and are almost hyper-concious not to be affectionate in public. They pretty much pretend that they aren't anything more than the typical obsessed, dramatic frenemies- even though some people like Stan and Kenny MAY know otherwise. They like to keep their relationship private or perhaps a "secret" because it's fucking gay and of course they aren't going to shout that out loud and proud. However, the longing stares and brush of hands under the table at lunch don't go unnoticed or unappreciated.

Kyle and Cartman are extremely vulnerable to one another when in private. When no one is around, no parents, no neighbors, no classmates or friends- when they are completely alone in one another's room, or at Stark's pond- they open up and drop their walls, drop their masks and defensive attitudes. This point in their relationship takes A LONG TIME to get to, slowly becoming more comfortable and used to each other's presence in a romantic way. But once they know they love and trust each other enough, they embrace their vulnerability and bask in it. They can be so goddamn sappy and gross- especially Cartman- okay mainly Cartman.

Dating Cartman has cracked Kyle down, has really opened his eyes and has whipped his attitude into shape. He learns about Cartman's childhood/ familial trauma and becomes increasingly more aware, concerned, caring and protective over Cartman. He becomes much more patient with Cartman. Cartman thinks this is patronizing.

The things they teased each other about as children turn out to be their favorite parts about each other- Cartman is in love with Kyle's gorgeous "jew-fro", and Kyle adores Cartman's chubby figure "fatass". They absolutely still pick on each other regardless.

I like to think of them as a mix between pine and mountain kyman. One year Cartman has a growth spurt but his football-player dad's genes make him pile on the pounds as well; The next year Kyle's height skyrockets and he gets a bit too lanky.

What pushes them into admitting feelings and pursuing a relationship is a life-threatening event which the other witnesses. I like it going both ways, either Cartman on the brink of death and seeing Kyle come and save him, or Kyle facing death and seeing Cartman come and save him. They need to SEE the raw and powerful feelings drawn on the other's face, doing anything and everything in their power to save the other. There's sobbing and desperation and screaming, there's urgency and panic. They can't live without each other. After this event, they are both paranoid about each other's safety for quite a while and try very hard not to make it obvious.

…

That's all for now! If anyone wants to know anything specific about my hcs PLEASE feel free to ask!!! I really want to talk about them 🥹💖

I also kinda maybe want to write a fic so I need to get my hcs and thoughts in order

#kyman #south park #sp kyman #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #kyman comic #kyman fanart #kyman fanfiction #south park kyman

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trashyslashers · 1 year

Note

Please a Corey x peepaw x reader OMGGGGG 🥴

The Corey we have here is the Corey we see from middle to end of the film, so he's much more bold and outspoken than he is in the beginning of the film. I'm assuming that's what you had in mind, anon!

Thank you so much for the request! I may do a part 2 down the line as I feel like there's SO much more I could add to this.

Just a note that Corey and Michael are not written as romantically involved with each other in this - just you.

General Corey Cunningham x Reader x Michael Myers headcanons

Being the shared interest of these two is... interesting, to say the least. It doesn't matter if you're spending time with the both of them at once, or if you're alone with one of them - there's rarely a dull moment, though many times, not in the good way.

While Corey and Michael get along in some ways, they don't get along in every way, and when it comes to you it's a mixture of both. While they both want you and they both have you, this mutual, extreme obsession with you leads to occasional clashes as they both tend to feel that the other party's obsession with and feelings for you is getting in the way of their own. Que the (sometimes literal) tug of wars with you between the two of them. Though neither of them would ever hurt you, there are occasions where you're quite literally being pulled away from one of them and into the chest of the other because they refuse to share.

There are many, many moments where it seems like the relationship isn't going to work because of this, yet it always manages to come through in the end. Both men value their feelings for you and your contentedness over any issue they may have with each other.

Despite their frequent scuffles, it's safe to say you have near constant protection. While Corey doesn't have the practically undying, almost superhuman-like qualities that Michael does, he is damn protective, and he can actually be with you pretty much everywhere Michael cannot be. There have been times he's even informed Michael of some breach of your safety, and the two of them teamed up to take care of whatever the issue was.

Both are possessive and protective, but both in their own ways. Michael's approach is much more cold, much more calculating: if he sees someone mess with you, harass you, not take no for an answer, etc, he'll typically stalk that person for sometime before he moves in for the kill (and he is brutal about it. The killing itself is actually very rash and bloody, as opposed to his approach).

Corey, on the other hand, unless for some reason he can't or shouldn't, has no problem going right up to whoever it was at that moment and either verbally ripping them a new one - or getting physical about it. He's not afraid of doing either, even if he often gets his ass kicked with the latter, and if it's bad enough he will not hesitate to don his scarecrow mask and make sure they cannot bother you again.

You're pretty much nearly untouchable when you're with the both of them romantically. If somehow, someone manages to do something to you, it's an absolutely bloody mess how the two of them work together, much like how we saw in the movie. Hell, sometimes it's almost like a game they play: Corey manages to lure whoever it is into an alley, or below the bridge near the sewer, or somewhere secluded, straight to wherever Michael is, and the two of them quickly work together to subdue their prey. The body is pretty much unidentifiable by the time they're done.

On a fluffier note, if both men are agreeable with each other enough that you can have a calm, quiet, cuddle session with the both of them at the same time, it is insane how safe and warm you feel. Initially it was a bit awkward finding a position that worked, but the three of you eventually found one: laying down, with Michael (if he's in the mood for cuddling, that is) behind you as the big spoon, with you sandwiched in between him and Corey, with Corey's head resting on your chest, his arms tightly wrapped around your midsection. Corey will nuzzle and press kisses to your chest, shoulders, chin, while the steady rise and fall of Michael's chest relaxes you.

The three of you love to binge watch old-school horror and monster films together. If you're the type to get scared, fret not because you have two of the best guards you could ask for. Michael may not be as cuddly as many, but you know he'll never let anything touch you, meanwhile Corey has no problem pulling you close to him and holding you in his lap if you're feeling scared, or anxious. Corey tends to be the more physically affectionate out of the two of them, and on days where you see little to nothing of Michael, Corey's by your side pretty much all day to shower you in all the affection and love you want.

While it might not always pan out nicely or neatly, it's needless to say that both of these men are completely and utterly obsessed with you.

#request #anon #slasher headcanons #slashers headcanons #slasher imagines #slashers imagines #slasher scenarios #slashers scenarios #slasher x reader #slashers x reader #corey cunningham x reader #corey cunningham headcanons #michael myers x reader #michael myers headcanons #michael myers x reader x corey cunningham

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bittersweetcanary · 6 months

Text

Arcana Twilight BUT it's queer as FUCK

Coming in hot to throw some cannons at your head- Here are some of my basic head cannons of the cast! I mighhhhht use these when writing in the future when making stories for my persona in an artw au.

Viewer discretion is advised beyond this point O-O

・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

Alpheratz HCs

The First Sorcerer of Andromeda

Gender/Pronouns: No gender, any pronouns. Alpheratz doesn’t care what pronouns you use.

Sexuality: Doesn’t care to explain, too much energy. Will remain uneducated.

Health-Related Content: Mana Fluctuation.

Magic Specialty: Excellent Overall.

Love Language: Likes to Give: Quality Time / Gift Giving. Likes to Receive: Quality Time / Physical Touch.

Alfie’s Flower: The Pink Camellia, it symbolizes longing.

Other

Alfie's spell book(catalyst) feeds off the wielder's mana to remain bonded thus leading though this isn't the cause of the fluctuations it does worsen them if the book takes from him when his mana is low. Alpheratz is almost always fatigued, due to the reasons above he sometimes refers to his condition as Chronic Fatigue.

Nap time with the Summoner is Alpheratz's favorite way to spend quality time. With cuddles of course!!

As Sirrah in Alpheratz’s past life Alfie once took down a flying whale with Polaris, they were close but how close? At the beginning Alpheratz doesn’t recognize the Summoner as Polaris nor does Alfie trust them, warms up to them slowly, but as Alfie gains memories of Sirrah, Alfie is noticeably more fond of the Summoner.

・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

Arcturus HCs

The First Sorcerer of Bootes

Gender/Pronouns: Unlabeled he/she

Sexuality: Asexual/Panromantic is a term that describes people who can experience romantic, or emotional (but not sexual) attraction to any person, regardless of that person’s gender, sex, or sexuality.

Health-Related Content: ADHD.

Magic Specialty: Inducing Magixs.

Love Language: Gives: Words of Affirmation / Quality Time. Likes to Receive: Physical Touch / Words of Affirmation / Quality Time.

Arcky’s Flower: The Yellow Rose is a symbol of sympathy and empathy. When your friends get sad or sick, you can entertain and brighten your friends days.

Other

Those with ADHD have difficulty completing tasks due to a lack of motivation because their brains have an extremely low quantity of the chemicals that reward you with happy vibes if you complete it so they tend to hyper-fixate on whatever gives them that bit of reward.

Arcturus, as typical of people with ADHD though not all, tends to get that reward when she completes tasks for others or helps them, but she tends to hyper-fixate on this and forget to take care of his own needs, like eating, drinking, and using the toilet. Please remind her Summoner!!

・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

Pollux HCs

The Second Sorcerer of Gemini

ESFP-T

Gender/Pronouns: Genderfluid [he/they/she] usually goes by he/him

Sexuality: Pansexual, fluid. A term that describes people who can experience sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction to any person, regardless of that person’s gender, sex, or sexuality though he feels this change from time to time and doesn’t prefer to stick to any singular sexuality, not even Pan.

Health-Related Content: Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition that causes extreme mood swings that include emotional highs (mania or hypomania) and lows (depression).

Magic Specialty: Destruction Magic.

Love Language: Gives: Physical Touch. Likes to Receive: Gift Giving / Words of Affirmation / Physical Touch.

Polly’s Flower: The White Rose, this flower represents pure and innocent love.

Other

Often needs time alone to just decompress, Alpheratz typically keeps an eye on them just in case they ever need help.

Everyone has a case of cuteness aggression towards him whenever he is near, Alpheratz is always the first to act on it and coo at him!

Sirius was dating him for a time, or so Pollux thought but it was never made official. It was more like sexual benefits. Pollux would like to think they’d at least been Friends with Benefits. He behaves hostilely towards the Summoner at first because Sirius began avoiding him, giving him the cold shoulder in favor of the Summoner… Pollux warms up to the Summoner after they are there to comfort him despite his hostility.

Sirius previously referred to Pollux as Bunny in a sexual way. Arcturus once looked over Pollux’s shoulder at his phone screen and asked what that meant. Pollux was mortified and refused to answer.

・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

Sirius HCs

First Sorcerer of Canis Major

ENTP-A

Gender/Pronouns: Mirror Pronouns. Your pronouns are his, and he is running away with them. His legs are too long, you will never catch him!! (I tend to use he/him for Sirius when not mirroring them to other characters though any other usage of pronouns or just his name would work)

Sexuality: Omnisexual. Similar to pansexual, it is used to describe people whose sexuality isn’t limited to those of a particular gender, sex, or sexual orientation

Health-Related Content: If he has any, well, you don't know. Sirius isn't one to let others know such personal information... Though Polaris might know.

Magic Specialty: Transformation Magic.

Eyes:

Red: Love, desire

Orange: ? Haven’t seen them but I assume they’d be joy & love

Yellow: Delight, joy

Green: Jealousy, anger?, annoyed

Blue: Sadness, dissapointment

Icy Blue: Shock, surprise, worry

Purple: Fear, determination, anger?

Squinted, blank Purple: Desperation

Red/Purple: Love and Determination

Love Language: Gives: Gift Giving / Physical Touch. Likes to Receive: Physical Touch / Words of Affirmation.

Siri’s Flower: The Purple Rose represents individuality and artistic flair but the closer to black they are their meaning could double with Black Roses which symbolize, grief, anger, hatred, unrequited love, mystery, subversion, resistance, and dark side of desire and passion.

(Definition may vary from other sources because I tailored it to Sirius.)

Other

Sirius just likes to occasionally visit the Summoner while they are studying in the library. If the Summoner is short he’ll pick them up, sit down, and place them on his lap like it’s nothing. The Summoner has become used to this, they recognize his presence before he even approaches so they are already mentally prepared- but when Sirius begins whispering in their ear he becomes quite the distraction.

Loves playing with your hair, especially if it’s long enough to style!!

Has no idea how to react when you actually flirt back or make a move, possibly tenses up or asks if what you did was a cruel joke… (poor baby has self-esteem issues)

Does shit to make you distrust him because he doesn’t trust himself

Very torn up about Polaris not quite being there as they once were for him.

Sirius likes to roleplay as your student sometimes, maybe he was Polaris’s student once and he wants that time back.

Sirius cannot let go of the idea of Polaris, he will often project onto the Summoner when roleplaying with them and tell them vague stories with minor changes about himself and Polaris in hopes of triggering memories.

Sirius adores you, the Summoner, Polaris, seeing you as his only safe space but still he has trouble opening up because he knows you aren’t his Polaris but so very much wishes you to be… To an unhealthy degree, wishing that in the first place is unhealthy and projecting.

Floor 8-17 The Summoner asks Sirius if he knew Polaris personally, he asks them what they think. Sirius did and does.

Pollux was his rebound. Sirius never thought much of their “relationship”, he never intended to make it one.

・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

Spica HCs

The First Sorcerer of Virgo

Gender/Pronouns: Cisgender Man [he/him]

Sexuality: Bisexual, a sexual orientation that describes people who experience sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction to people of more than one gender. Old man energy. Prefers binary, cisgender, individuals with few exceptions. Uses it like one would use Pansexual. When Spica quotes himself "When I was younger Bisexual was the “pansexual”." the others refer to it as Spicaism. Spica lectures them over their supposed misuse of grammar.

Health Related Content: Severe OCD(Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

Magic Specialty: The Half of the Traditional Sorcerer. (I assume that refers to magic that is considered traditional to practice, possibly to his home or family.)

“Spiky Spica, you aren’t spiky but your personality is sometimes!” - A Summoner Quote

Love Language: Gives: Acts of Service / Physical Touch. Likes to Receive: Words of Affirmation.

Spiky’s Flower: Yellow Tulips symbolize of unrequited love, though this is an older tradition and less relevant today.

Spica CANNOT sleep till he has completed everything necessary and then some each day leading to barely even getting 4 hours of sleep a night! Summoner make him SLEEP, please!!

Everything in his room is COLOR and ALPHABETICALLY ORDERED. If even ONE THING is out of place he will not stop till it is back in its rightful place.

Washes his hands like a million times or they aren't clean enough to him. Germs... ... Everything is sanitized. Daily. Possibly more. Arcturus helps him not go overboard.

・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

Vega HCs

The First Sorcerer of Lyra

Gender/Pronouns: Transmasc/enby he/it

Sexuality: Demisexual because the only attraction he’s felt was the crush he has had on the Summoner since childhood, despite being apart for so long it didn’t take long for those feelings to rekindle.

Health Related Content: Autistic

Magic Specialty: Pathfinding Magic

Love Language: Gives: Acts of Service / Physical Touch. Likes to Receive: Words of Affirmation.

Vaggie’s Flower: The Pink Camellia, it symbolizes longing.

Other

Due to sensory processing disorder, common in Autistic individuals, he will need time to decompress for a variety of reasons likely related to that or socially.

Vega often avoids non-packaged yogurt tube foods because the textures are overwhelming for him, though he'll try whatever the Summoner makes it's best to keep it separated and simple to not overwhelm it as this could cause a sensory upset

Alpheratz tries finding Vega new safe foods whenever old safe foods aren't safe anymore.

Vega sticks to a very strict routine, typical of Autistic individuals. If anything throws off his routine he may need to take a break before trying to get back on track or won't.

All his clothes are made with soft sensory friendly fabric, including uniforms. Contell Academia makes sure to accommodate all its student's needs.

Likely possessive due to his abandonment issues, he doesn’t want the Summoner to disappear again.

Incredibly possessive of Summoner to the point of threatening Sirius and attempting to have their magic sealed once they reconnect with Ursa Minor and find that they were once Polaris.

THIS 'TIS THE END MY LOVELY READERS, thank you for being here, existing, and reading this :3 buh byeeeeee~

#arcana twilight #artw #arcana twilight pollux #arcana twilight sirius #arcana twilight spica #arcana twilight alpheratz #arcana twilight arcturus #arcana twilight vega #artw headcannons

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viric-dreams · 2 months

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Since the topic's been going around and getting me thinking:

Ockham enjoys the typical shows of romance, particularly those expressed physically. Heshethey does struggle though to be the only person in a relationship and the only means of physical/emotional intimacy or support for someone because of hishertheir transitory nature and personal priorities overriding romance. The Greater London Polycule is a good fit for himherthem. Emotional intimacy might be a bit more difficult because of the current identity crisis happening, but heshethey wouldn't turn down sex or any kind of physical intimacy. That's something that Ockham doesn't really have any hangups about, possibly related to living in close quarters with people most of hishertheir life and seeing it as something mundane and relatively normalised. Especially with hishertheir eclectic set of memories and experiences (many of them serpentine), Ockham finds the sexual mores of Victorian Londoners particularly inane at times. These elements also makes Ockham open to trying pretty much anything a partner may suggest, at least once.

On the other side of the spectrum is Roberts, who's actively irked by any overt signs of romance on Grand Geode, usually because that means said sequencers are distracted or shirking duties. Realistically, the negativity comes from it being something that he feels that he could never have as a consequence of both his sexuality and position (though it's not something he's self-aware enough to know, nor wants to think about). Anyone making romantic overtures at this point would be pushed away out of a mixture of him not believing that he deserves it, that said person is after some sort of advantage because of his position, and that it would be a distraction from The Work, with a healthy bit of fear of the unknown thrown in for good measure. He's built up a ridiculous amount of intricate rituals around physical contact with people that make sense only to him. Having any sort of a sex life is a nightmare when you're almost everyone's superior officer and instantly recognisable, and come with enough emotional baggage to hold every piece of sentient clothing in Polythreme, and thus regulated to quick and faceless encounters, often in foreign ports. Even then, the intricate rules persist: sex is sex, direct and perfunctory. Kissing is off limits, absolutely no lingering touches, nothing that feels too much like intimacy or involves giving up control or trusting someone. Get what you're here for and go.

Nite's lack of memory has made everything a novel option and possibility. This is not necessarily a good thing. His strong streak for showmanship and craving attention lead to some somewhat extreme behaviour. Those grand gestures that only seem to work in romance novels are exactly what appeals to his sensibilities and he's convinced that they would work in real life, and is apt to try. If boomboxes and romcoms existed in this era, he would be that guy. It clearly seems to work in the films, so absolutely worth attempting in real life. Because a lot of what he imagines romantic behaviour is comes from stories and not real life experience, he starts with the idea that this is what romance and seduction should look like. Many of these things are things he doesn't even necessarily enjoy, but he tries anyway because what does he know, maybe that's just how things are done. This does eventually modulate over time, when he gets a better sense for his own preferences, and the flair for the dramatic remains, but tempered. He is also very quick to emotionally open up and try to deepen a relationship (either romantic or otherwise), often faster than the other person is comfortable with. After a handful of negative experiences he's gotten better at this. Unlike Ockham, whose sexual tastes generally tend to be broader and has a fairly solid sense of hishertheir boundaries, Nite has the same "I'll try anything" approach, albeit it closer to an "I have to try everything to know what I like" outlook, and no moderation or sense of pacing. This has led to a handful of upsetting experiences (both for himself and any partner(s) involved) when he inevitably discovers far too late that this was not a good idea. His lack of knowledge of his own boundaries makes him dangerous to both himself and others.

Tamara's been on dates with some of her peers back in Varchas, but it was never something that intensely interested her, nor did she ever have a serious relationship. It was expected that she would eventually settle down, either with someone of her choosing from a similar class background, or through a suitable suitor introduced through her family. She did enjoy the attention that flirtation brought, but would be the first to tell you that she doesn't really know what she wants out of a partner either romantically or sexually, but of course has plenty of time to figure it out. In London, she has far more important priorities at the moment and isn't even entertaining the idea. Her initial suspicion surrounding Ockham's kindness was quickly assuaged upon realising that heshethey doesn't necessarily want anything from her at all and offering her a place to stay was simply an act of one outsider recognising another and offering a helping hand. Of course, there's plenty more regarding Ockham about which to be suspicious, but that's a different topic.

The Rubbery Barber Surgeon is in a healthy and loving butch/femme relationship with The Tentaclar Surgeoness. He enjoys filling the traditional masculine role that the Surgeoness, a huge fan of pulpy romance novels, seeks in a partner. Thus far, things have gone well for them, and they seem perfectly compatible. She might just be the one. He may have visited a particular jeweler on Flute Street a couple of times. He's slowly planning a very special date night for them in the near future.

#ockham #roberts/nite #tamara #the rubbery barber surgeon #oh boy did this get away from me #the proportion of OCs who have healthy relationships to romance and sexuality is actually higher than i'd expected #the fucked up sequencer/revolutionary is an outlier adn should not have been counted #throwing the entire statistic into disarray #astra i'm looking you dead in the eyes over the internet when i say even on a bad day it's not worth it #avoid that old man #in any and all forms

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beevean · 7 days

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brutally honest opinions on sonadow sonamy and whispangle 🙂

bro :P

Sonadow: I should like it. I know I should. It's a very typical rival ship, and a relatively civil one too. But I just find it so boring, sorry 😭 I can't get invested in their relationship at all, let alone see the spark of attraction. I think the issue is that I see Shadow as his own character first, and Sonic's rival as... fifth? I don't like him as Sonic's mirror at all, I prefer other rivals. <- result of playing ShTH before SA2, probably

Another nitpick I have is that usually this kind of shonen rival ship hinges on some kind of obsession, or seeing the other one as special in some way - something like "only I can defeat you". Sonadow... really doesn't have this. Shadow is just one of Sonic's allies. Shadow was mildly intrigued by Sonic in SA2 and Heroes but then he got used to him. I'm really not sure what they're supposed to see in each other.

Fandom behavior, of course, doesn't help - Sonadow is immensely popular, inescapable, and extremely prone to fanonization. Ever since I was a kid I hated how Sonadow almost always meant "seme Shadow/uke Sonic", and from what I've seen, the terminology has changed but the "interpretation" hardly did.

Back in the day I liked He Is My Master a lot, though. Hugely recommend it to modern audiences. It helps that it was a deliberate parody and breaking of the stereotypes of the time :P

Sonamy: I have a bit of a Wildly Inconsistent™ relationship with this one lol. I went from loving it as a kid, to distancing myself by the time Generations rolled in, to accepting it in a different form. I think it has the potential to either be a very interesting take on such a basic premise, or recipe for utter mangling of characterization to fit the characters into prepackaged molds. Solution: I don't engage with the fandom :P

The only version of Sonamy I like is one where the two are very close friends, engage in well meaning banter, and travel and fight together. The relationship should all be about fun, and trust, and appreciating how far they've come together. Despite how basic it looks, I reject the "settling down and having kids" scenario.

Perhaps I'm cheating :P but I think Sonamy can be cute without sacrificing their personalities that have IMO interesting similarities and parallels.

Whispangle: at its core, it's a very cliché "shy girl/bubbly girl" ship, not my thing but it could have worked out nicely. The scene where Whisper opened up about her past with Tangle and she offered her support, showing emotional intelligence despite her antics, is honestly nice.

It could have worked out nicely. Then IDW proceeded to shit on Whisper at every moment, turning Tangle into an utter insensitive dumbass who blurted out the name of her bestie's dead comrades for literal cool points and she got away with a "oopsie daisy" while Whisper had to profusely apologize for daring to still have PTSD over it. And I didn't forget how then the Duo fiasco ended with Whisper being artificially humiliated just so that Tangle could hug her, give me a break. Terrible. Whisper deserves a better friend.

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emotionallychargedtowel · 1 year

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Pursuer-distancer roles and attachment style in Utsukushii Kare Part 2: Kiyoi

As you can tell from the title, this is the second part of an exploration of pursuer-distancer themes in Utsukushii Kare. The first post, about Hira, is here. A broader post explaining pursuer and distancer roles, connecting them with the seme/uke trope, and giving some examples from BLs is here.

I’m going to start with something that loops back into the Hira part of things. I mentioned in my last post that just choosing Kiyoi as a love object acted as a way for Hira to avoid intimacy while seeking it at the same time. But something unexpected happened: against what would seem like huge odds, Kiyoi did return Hira’s feelings. Why is that? There are a few reasons. Kiyoi wasn’t just any beautiful, popular boy. He was someone who:

Had a deep (if largely hidden) need to feel loved, combined with a difficulty trusting people who profess to love him. In order to overcome his skepticism and let down his guard, Kiyoi requires something more than your typical adolescent crush—he needs something stronger. The intense, loyal, even obsessive love that Hira offers is thus almost irresistible.

Felt a secret kinship with Hira due to his sexuality. Sidebar: Neither character ever explicitly voices a sexual orientation. Hira’s is a bit ambiguous as Kiyoi is the only person he’s ever felt attracted to. For various reasons I should hold off on getting into here for space reasons, I’m convinced that Kiyoi is gay, self-aware about that fact, and likely was from a comparatively young age. So as I see it, Kiyoi sees Hira as someone with whom he shares a queer identity. Due to his outcast status in high school, Hira seems to act as a kind of shadow self to Kiyoi. Even though Hira’s treatment by peers isn’t due to his sexuality, he could represent what Kiyoi thinks his social status would be if others learned his secret. That connection may also have fueled some of Kiyoi’s (covert) attempts to protect Hira from bullying (while outwardly aligning himself with the bullies).

Ended up being cast out from the popular group for quite some time, creating an opportunity for Hira to bond with him and vice versa.

If Kiyoi had been the person he appeared to be on the surface when Hira first met him—a more boring, average version of himself—he would have been much less likely to be able to return Hira’s feelings. Luckily for Hira, he was much more complex.

Kiyoi is a textbook distancer in some ways, but more complicated in others. The reasons for his distancing strategies are abundantly clear if you give any thought to his backstory. In the S1E5 intro, he describes growing up as a lonely latchkey kid with a single mom, followed by a drastic improvement in his life when his mother remarried, then by feeling abandoned when his younger half-siblings were born and he was (from his perspective, at least) forgotten. The change in his parents’ treatment of him once his half-siblings arrived must have felt like a betrayal. It’s easy to imagine a young Kiyoi blaming himself for having trusted them and resolving not to do so easily in the future. At the same time, his appearance has always brought him attention and made superficial friendships easy to come by. Kiyoi doesn’t trust these sorts of friends and often feels used by them, and these relationships must be rendered even more hollow by the fact that he can’t be open about his identity within them. By the time he gets to know Hira, Kiyoi seems like he’s been waiting to find someone who shares this with him for years. So if you put all of this together, you have someone who:

desperately wants to be loved and connect with others,

just as desperately wants to believe, and wants others to believe, that he has no need for intimacy,

has an extremely hard time trusting people,

is constantly surrounded by friends he doesn’t trust,

is constantly receiving declarations of love from people who don’t know anything about him, many of them members of a gender category that holds no attraction for him,

and hasn’t experienced much, if any, authentic connection with other people in years.

In some ways, he was even worse off than Hira when they first met.

When I say that Kiyoi wants to believe and for others to believe he doesn’t have a need for intimacy, this is the core of why and how he takes on the role of a distancer. Even without his other challenges, he had to distance himself from others in so many areas of his life in order to keep his sexuality a secret and avoid messy situations with girls. But it’s much deeper than that. His attachment style appears to be dismissing (a.k.a. avoidant). This makes a lot of sense given his upbringing. People with dismissing attachment have had formative experiences in which showing their need for attention and love led to negative outcomes. It’s easy to see how Kiyoi’s history dovetails with this.

In Attachment in Psychotherapy, David Wallin writes that one subgroup of people with dismissing attachment styles have a “devaluing pattern” in which they want to see themselves as special but denigrate others. The quote below is long but it applies so well to Kiyoi that I couldn’t stand to leave any of it out:

[People with this dismissing style] have learned to shield themselves from their unmet needs and angry frustration by thinking too well of themselves and too badly of others. Over time, however, the illusions of specialness that protect and comfort these patients can prove an increasingly hollow substitute for love. Yet genuine intimacy risks exposing the feelings of dependent longing and anger which their parents could not tolerate. Consequently, their response to a potentially intimate relationship is akin to that of a starving man at a banquet who tells himself the food isn’t good enough and therefore refuses to eat.…the self-generated propaganda about their perfection and—still more so—our imperfection provides them with (a very prickly kind of) protection from shame.

Kiyoi definitely seems very motivated by trying to avoid shame. And although he increasingly succeeds at being recognized as special through his profession, it’s also true that he is learning firsthand that this is no substitute for real closeness.

By the way, this attachment style may sound narcissistic. And there’s some similarity there. But I don’t think Kiyoi is a narcissist. While preoccupied with how others see him, he isn’t grandiose. He doesn’t show any of the lack of empathy or exploitative behavior we’d expect of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It may look that way at times during high school, but he doesn’t initiate bullying. Rather, he created an appearance of friendship with bullies that is largely strategic. Tellingly, he doesn’t engage in the same type of behavior once he leaves that environment. The devaluing pattern described by Wallin is a much better fit. I gave some more thought to Kiyoi’s personality and while he, like most of us, has characteristics of a number of types, my take on his most central type is that he’s actually a depressive type, like Hira, even though they manifest this in very different ways.

In her discussion of depressive clients’ tendencies in therapy, McWilliams writes that they “are subject to the chronic belief that the therapist’s concern and respect would vanish if he or she really knew them.” This seems to be Kiyoi’s fear across all of his relationships. When he fails to win the contest in season 1 and is rejected by his former friends, he says, “The moment they found out I wasn’t special, everyone left me. But…not [Hira].” That phrasing is important (at least, if the translation is accurate). He doesn’t say they think he’s not special, but that they “found out” he isn’t, as if this has always been true.

By the way, if I were an old-school Freudian I might point out that another word for depressive personality in psychoanalysis is “oral type,” and that it’s tied to oral fixations. An oral fixation isn’t some kind of sex thing (at least, not necessarily). It involves a strong interest not only in sources of oral stimuli, including eating and drinking, but also things that are associated with mothers, babies, boobs, and so forth. Kiyoi’s new habit (as of S2E1) of opening his mouth, baby bird style, to get Hira to feed him is totally consistent with this. It not only involves a nice oral stimulus, it also puts Hira in a motherly role. It’s especially telling that one of these occasions happens outside the bingsoo (?) shop immediatley after Kiyoi overhears some girls talking about how attractive Hira is. That timing is not a coincidence. I’m not an old-school Freudian and I don’t normally put a lot of stock in the “oral fixation” thing, but it’s actually a remarkably good fit here.

Circling back to the pursuer-distancer part of the picture, Hira initially makes it fairly easy for Kiyoi to distance himself. His pursuit of Kiyoi is so strange and oddly passive and makes few demands of him other than tolerating things like his constant stare. At that point, Hira didn’t presume to seek out contact with Kiyoi much. He stayed in the background. But this actually isn’t enough pursuit for Kiyoi. The balance is off. He can’t get his needs met while disavowing his need for intimacy unless Hira pursues harder and/or more effectively.

This issue gets a lot more clear once Hira and Kiyoi are actually together. The exchange shown below, which happens when Hira hesitates to attend the party full of models and actors, is emblematic of all of this. (It’s also really entertaining, so it’s no wonder it’s been making the rounds on here a lot in screenshot and gif form--speaking of which, thank you to @xnoel for letting me borrow your screenshots!)

This is classic distancer stuff. In essence, the message is, “Ugh, quit chasing me. Wait, where you are going?” When Kiyoi responds by bringing up that Hira used to come to afterparties for his plays and Hira says he did so out of desperation, he says, “Wow, so you’re not desperate now? Since you already have me?” This is almost as overt as if he’d said, “Hira, I need you to pursue me harder while I continue to act like I’m pushing you away,”

A scene that illustrates these dynamics from another angle is the one in which Kiyoi tells a post-makeover Hira that he looks “handsome enough for me to fall in love with all over again.” (I’m rephrasing as Viki’s translation at this point is a bit lacking.) When Hira’s face begins to light up, Kiyoi visibly panics, says he was lying, kicks Hira, and flees. This is comical, of course, but also sad as hell, because Kiyoi’s fear of intimacy and inability to self-regulate when Hira starts to get close to him is on blatant display.

Maybe Kiyoi wouldn’t have let something like that slip out if Hira wasn’t such an ineffective pursuer in some ways. But part of him does still want authentic intimacy with Hira, and not just this king-and-servant thing. Telling Hira he’s handsome and admitting that he’s in love with him is actually a real moment of growth. Or it would be, if he didn’t immediately take it back. Most people would see right through this, but Hira’s negativity bias seems to have made him believe it.

This hilarious-yet-fucked-up aspect is even clearer in some recent posts by @mineonmain, which are “incorrect quotes” that end up being more correct in some ways that the actual text of the show.

All in all, despite the kicking and sarcasm he aims Hira’s way, I think by the end of S2E1 Kiyoi is showing at least a bit more flexibility and potential for growth than Hira is. The final scene shows this in a really affecting way.

The next morning, Kiyoi admits, “I went too far yesterday. I’m acting a bit weird....I get weird when it’s about you.” He doesn’t have to take responsibility for this—it’s not like Hira is pressing the issue—but he chooses to. It’s a pretty big deal for him. He ends up putting his head down on Hira’s lap, looking up at him and saying, “Hira, don’t go anywhere,” in a plaintive voice, and then using his arms to both grab onto Hira and cover his face (hardly surprising given showing this much vulnerable emotion is a huge challenge for him).

But here’s what really breaks my heart: Hira is smiling the entire time, from the moment Kiyoi puts his head in his lap. It’s like the only thing that has registered with him is the fact that he’s in physical contact with Kiyoi and is being told some vaguely nice things, things that imply Kiyoi values having him in his life. But he’s really not hearing Kiyoi, or treating him like a person.

As a result, Hira’s affect (the visible manifestation of his emotions) is completely misaligned with Kiyoi’s. Kiyoi is clearly showing fear and sadness and Hira is just sitting there grinning to himself. If a therapist saw an interaction like this in a couples session, they’d be really concerned. Despite Hira’s supposed dedication to Kiyoi and determination to earn his place in Kiyoi’s life, he’s completely failing to be attuned to Kiyoi’s feelings, much less provide some kind of real comfort. I guess it’s for the best that Kiyoi’s eyes are covered at this point, because that way he can’t see Hira’s unintentionally callous smile.

These issues are clearly being set up as central to the story of season 2 and likely the upcoming movie as well, so hopefully we’ll see some progress from both characters. They have a lot of work to do. That said, they clearly have a very meaningful connection and a lot of motivation to meet each other halfway. Let’s hope they get to where they need to be.

#BL drama #psychology of BL #utsukushii kare #utsukushii kare 2 #utsukare #hira x kiyoi #kiyoi sou #pursuer distancer dynamic #attachment theory #dimissive attachment #family systems theory

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