#though need to do some research abt how this would work out practically in the time period

[ilaosi]

weird question, but since ur a zombie I need some help!

okay, so I'm writing about zombies and such and the actual physical symptoms of zombism are like vague. super vague.

I was wondering what your experience was?

idk wikipedia and all them are uselessssss, and I thought asking a zombie would just be easier than going and looking for 16th century whatevers.

so, if you don't mind what was it like? what sorts of symptoms did you have?

anyway thank you for reading your awesome!!!

omg hi im a bit late but this ask makes me so happy i love talking abt this stuff !!! :D i'd like to preface by saying i experience my kintypes in a way that sounds a lot like a past life but i don't consider that to be the case, i believe my memories are from some version of me in other universes/realities.

soo my response might not be the most helpful because i don't think i experience zombism in the way most ppl think of it? i wasn't infected or anything, i died a (somewhat) natural death & the next thing i knew i was kind of unknowingly digging myself out of my grave. i don't know how or why i was resurrected, if someone else did it, if i did it myself, if it was some kind of divine intervention, no clue. in the world i remember, zombies were a known phenomenon that hadn't yet been explained by science.

living people reacted to us in a lot of different ways, some kind of worshiped us and treated us like we were chosen by the gods or otherwise special, but most just thought it was weird/gross and tried to avoid us. a few ppl wanted to get rid of us because it was "unnatural and contagious" (it couldn't actually be transmitted like a disease, in my world at least), there was even a group of ppl who denied our existence entirely. it was also pretty common for medical students to (consensually, most of the time) practice their skills on zombies, kind of like they do in this world with corpses, but we were more convenient because it was really hard to kill us and we didn't really experience much pain, plus we could heal (to an extent), and we were pretty much immune to infection & other complications/side effects. i think it was also a way of gathering information for research since there wasn't much known about us or how/why we existed.

as for the symptoms & what it felt like - i remember when i first crawled out of the dirt the main thing i noticed was that my body was completely still. my heart didn't beat, the blood didn't flow in my veins, i didn't particularly feel the need to breathe or blink. i was just as disabled in that world as i am in this one, but after i died some of my disabilities didn't really affect me anymore. i wasn't in horrible pain in the way i usually am, i just felt like all of my skin was slightly bruised and there was a dull ache all over my body but it was easy to ignore, and my bones felt,, empty? my brainfog/dissociation got a lot worse though. all of my senses felt much more dull but i definitely still had them. it took more pressure for me to feel things touching my skin, my vision was cloudy and less colorful, i couldn't really smell or taste most things other than meat, blood, decay, dirt, mildew, etc. other smells/tastes would have to be really strong/intense for me to pick up on it at all. i was dead for about 3? days before i emerged, and i was buried in winter, so decomposition hadn't totally taken over yet. i did continue to decompose after that, but eventually i figured out that keeping myself fed (primarily with non-human brain matter & insects) would stop that process and sometimes even reverse the effects of it to an extent. if i went too long without feeding or if i fed on the wrong things too often i would feel really sick and my skin would get even more flaky. sometimes huge chunks of skin or even small body parts would fall off, but they could be successfully reattached by any doctor who was willing to work with zombies.

visually/appearance wise - i was more pale and my skin had a kind of light-grey-green-ish tint to it. the parts of me that fell off and had to be reattached ended up looking more purple-pink-ish for a while, but usually they'd go back to the grey-green color eventually. the whites of my eyes were more blue & my irises were dark grey. my veins were more visible through my skin and they were a lot darker, almost black. my natural hair color is brown and before i died i had my hair dyed black, afterwards the color just never faded and my hair didn't grow anymore so it didn't change much, but the areas where my roots were showing turned grey.

i can't rly think of any other specific things to talk about but if u have more questions or if u want more clarification on something i said here feel free to send another ask!!!

[quill-of-thoth]

Re: medical school in your post abt Watson and Holmes' ages: "medical school" isn't a thing in the UK. You study medicine as an undergraduate (i.e. straight out of school at 18) and the course takes 5-6 years depending on the university. So Watson's age is perhaps 18 + 5/6 + some years (?) in the army, i.e. 26 at least.

Hi Nonny, thank you so much for the information! Based on my research into the late 1800's, a five to six year medical school stint is less likely (though possible): most men going to medical school (read: attending university with the intent to get a medical degree, though there were some institutions that were only for studying medicine) and graduating in the 1870's and 1880's were emerging with MD degrees at the ages of 22 or 23. There just wasn't as much medicine to be schooled in yet. So this doesn't change too much regarding Dr. John Watson's biography prior to A Study in Scarlet Here are a handful of other doctors who graduated in the 1870's through 1900, for context. Dr. Theodore Acland (graduated age 22) Christopher Addison (graduated age 23) Thomas Allinson (graduated age 21) Alfred Barrs (graduated age 22) Thomas Bond (Graduated age 24, known for his work in criminal profiling, particularly for his attempts to profile Jack the Ripper)

You'll notice that all of these last names start with A or B, and that's just an artifact of how I checked my work. Once I found a list of late 19th century english physicians, and looked up a dozen famous doctors of the approximate right era I quit looking: the ones that were in their middle or late twenties when receiving their degrees were in the minority, likely because, for reasons I mentioned in the original timeline: the Victorian doctor spent two to three years on his professional education before getting a degree and entering some sort of practice - whether he became an army doctor like Watson, worked in a hospital, or became a junior partner in another physician's practice.

Wikipedia does a large list of famous 18th century doctors, for anyone else looking to do a little recreational research today. I've been sticking to people with articles that are more than stubs, with definite years of birth and graduation, (So not William Henry Allchin, great name by the way, who received his degree at age 25 but who I just don't have the data on to know if he started medical school a couple years later than average or what,) and unfortunately to the men, to make sure I'm getting a broad enough sample of Watson's contemporaries, given that a lot of women who were doctors did not take the exact same route in their studies, either needing to spend more time traveling to institutions that would take them, being denied entry to their examinations due to gender, or a whole host of other things. There were also a number of men finishing degrees at 25, even among the people I dismissed as being born too early to be a good comparison: not everybody went directly to medical school at 18 or 19, and of course you have to consider things like travel taking forever and disease being harder to treat when determining if any individual was a year behind or so in their course of study. Specializing into newer fields also took longer: briefly looking at people who went into neurology (then a much newer field) or specialized in pediatrics, they tended to gain their degrees a little later. (Fun note: While scraping through this list I found a couple of famous fellows named Beddoes: whether we decide Watson is searching for aliases to protect the guilty or Doyle is inventing names for characters, we may know where he got the name for poor Mr. Trevor's friend in The Gloria Scott.) As always, I am being incredibly normal about this. Hope it helped! Someone at least.

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

ive tried to write women so many times but have failed to the point theres barely any female characters in my stories. and im very aware this is a flaw in my writing because i dont hang around women often and the only long term contact with a female i have is with my family members i dont know how to write female characters on a personal level because i can never relate to them. this sucks ass but correct me if im wrong i think its better to not write female characters at all than write a shitty possibly offensive one even if i dont realize it

Hi.

Okay, here's my take on what you're saying. I know for a fact that the most difficult things to write are things/situations/environments we know so little about. And it's even harder to get it right when it's a more sensitive thing, if yk what I mean. A huge perspective shift like this is definitely a challenge because men and women are quite different.

Here's the thing. I'm not trying to pressure you into writing them, but I'm telling you that even if you have problems with them now, doesn't mean you have to give up on writing them completely. If not writing them at all is your final decision, then that's still okay, still your call in the end, but if you do want to write them, it's very possible.

I know I write both male and female characters, but the first time I ever officially wrote smth that wasn't for school, it was with a female protag because ultimately, I see the world from the eyes of a woman. When I decided to write a male character for a more serious project, I realised I needed to research it. And lemme tell you that again, not every piece of advice in a writing help article is always applicable. It's largely based on the author's own personal experiences. They're more like tips than rules you must adhere to.

Please note that I've spent considerable time around men I'm close to in my family, I had male classmates and currently have a friend who's a guy, so that definitely helps. And it's completely understandable that you haven't spent enough time around women to grasp more about them Ig. My male characters are not exactly copy-paste of these men/boys either, but some of their traits and mannerisms may be connected.

And you not relating to them is completely okay. I'm not very likely to relate to parts of my male character's life that come with him being a man, but what I can relate to is what makes him human. There is definitely an overlap in several traits between men and women. For example, the way I would feel angry abt smth would be different from how a guy Ik would feel angry about the same thing. The key is simply to avoid bad cliches.

Again, I'm not trying to get you to write them if you really don't want to. Forcing yourself to write smth you don't want to definitely won't help, and won't create good pieces of writing. But just in case you wish to in the future, you can practice and research and test it out, and fun fact, part of it involves a little bit of winging it. I've done this for like genres/ideas I haven't tried before, and surprisingly it actually works. But, tbf, it's a lot more difficult when the issue at hand is the opposite gender.

And answering your last question, while it doesn't mean you must give up completely and you will never be able to do it, I can agree that no representation is better than a poorly represented character. Though, there is a chance you might be too harsh on yourself, since Idk exactly what any female characters you've written are like.

And about my reblog on that post abt writing women, Ig it was more aimed at people who've never tried or misrepresent women by applying a crap ton of harmful stereotypes to them. You seem to have made a genuine effort, so that's a pretty good thing.

Sorry for the long post, and thank you for the ask.

[mandalorian-loving-mandalorian]

i have some charthur fic ideas stewing in my head but consider:

epilogue charles + arthur taking in street kids

i think arthur would see hosea in that and the bits of dutch he remembered as a father :(

charles lost his family young and seemed to have been alone for a while. think both of them would like helping kids out of the position they were once in themselves, this time w/o setting them up for a future of violence

[justsoth1rsty]

hi! so this is a really specific request but I was thinking abt it for a while 😅😅 can I request traveling hcs w junho? like how he takes care of u during trips, types places he likes to visit, how he’s like on the plane, is he picky with hotels, little traveling quirks he has, stuff like that! 💗 I love traveling but I haven’t done it in a while and this is all that’s been on my mind lately 💔 I love ur work btw!! 🥰

Literally the same second i saw this my head just FLOODED with ideas and all i have to say for the love of creepy porcelain doll, please let me travel with Jun-ho.

Traveling! headcanons Jun-ho x reader

- First of all. First of all. This man will fall asleep the second his ass hits the seat. It’s like he got hit to his head with a brick and he’s just out.

- He always lets you to take the window seat too, he doesn’t need to see anything anyway. He does rest his head on your shoulder though.

- Also if you happen to have a fear of flying he’ll be there reassuring you all the time, holding your hand.

- Always in bigass hoodie and baggy sweatpants in airport, he puts comfort before anything else whenever he’s traveling.

- Does not understand the people who willingly sit on the plane with jeans on.

- That being said he always goes to the airport super early so that you two will have few hours to kill before your flight. Though the time is usually spend in a tax-free shop, sniffing some perfumes and laughing at the tacky souvenirs.

- Jun-ho also always makes a playlist for your trip. Always. If he doesn’t he’s not going.

- He’s not picky about the places you two go, all that matters to him that he’s on a vacation with you as long as it’s relatively safe place. Yes he does his research.

- So he mostly just listens to your suggestions. But he does have to admit he likes to visit cities with a lot of culture and things to do and see.

- But he does love Europe. Especially the small villages in the middle of nowhere you two can drive while watching the scenery and stopping by the most random places possible.

- Current favorite country is Switzerland just because of alpine skiing. He loves it. Though he loves to mess around in the snow too.

- Almost broke a rib once while skiing and you haven’t gone back since.

- Likes comfy hotels and his only requirement is that the bed is big enough for cuddling with you and that the room is clean because there is no way in hell he’s staying somewhere which looks straight from a murder scene.

- Will fuck around with the soaps in the hotel just for the fun of it. Yes such a basic thing but he steals them always. police who

- Sometimes you’ll see him practically glued to the TV and when you ask if he even knows what’s the show is about he’ll just say “I have no idea but it’s dramatic so we’re watching it.”

- Far more comfortable with PDA during traveling and is constantly holding your hand if it’s possible.

- But even if he’s letting his guard down, he’s constantly looking over you in case you start to feel sick.

- Always have a bottle of water ready for you and yes he does remind you to stay hydrated if you’re getting distracted.

- Gives you small massages whenever you two are on the hotel room.

- Oh- also would prefer that the hotel has a bathtub....for obvious reasons i don’t think i have to explain why.

- Usually just wanders around in his boxers in the hotel room, not that you mind.

- Jun-ho likes to visit museums whenever there is one worth going, he’s incredibly curious about history and he’ll drag you with him 

- Also enjoys wandering through local markets and buying fresh fruits and shit. Which usually leads you two to go to the park or somewhere quiet where you can enjoy the said fruits together.

- Nightlife. You two will have some late night walks, which sometimes may or may not turn into visiting a neat bar, pub or club.

- It’s mostly only because you are curious about what they look like.

- That being said he actually really enjoys visiting tiny cozy cafes with not many people in them, for him they’re like a tiny heaven in the middle of a chaos.

- And also local restaurants. Like i said he really just wants to know and learn more about different cultures and “weird” food around the world.

- Just don’t let him buy a cook book for your own good okay?

- Jun-ho hates doing schedules when in his free time because they make him anxious so it’s either spontaneous idea to visit somewhere or just don’t hit the time you want to visit somewhere into the stone.

- He deserves his damn peace.

- Now that i mentioned the spontaneous thing...he does have stupid ideas from time to time, might want to go hiking one day and then visit the closest small village the next.

- Always buys a small thing for you to remember about the trip, for example a small plushie or a bookmark.

- Traveling with Jun-ho is a healthy combination of lazy days and days you fear for your life do something new and exciting.

[imaginethathaikyuu]

hi! can I request some shower hcs for kuroo, bokuto, akaashi, and kageyama? maybe some nsfw if you’re feeling spicy 👉👈

i’m hoping u mean showering with their s/o? cuz like....idk i dont wanna write abt their shower routines lmao. these are ordered from sfw to nsfw, cuz i was only feeling a little bit spicy today. also sorry they’re so uneven in length ajfkdfkdl 

gender neutral reader

-

bokuto koutarou (sfw)

-sometimes when you’re showering, koutarou will just appear in there with you. you don’t even hear him coming, he sneaks in like a cat. you’re just peacefully rinsing yourself under the hot water, then you turn around and there’s a wild naked bokuto in the shower with you who wasn’t there previously. and when you jump because his presence caught you off guard and scared you, he’ll laugh like a maniac

-and he’ll say that he missed you and whine about not getting invited to shower with you, and you’ll say “there was a reason for that,” and he’ll act like he didn’t hear you even though you’re standing right next to him

-showering with bokuto takes infinitely longer than showering on your own. so if you’re in a rush: good luck 

-he is most definitely a water hog - it’s like he doesn’t even see you standing off to the side freezing and waiting for him to share - which he won’t do unless you force him to

-koutarou loves using your shower products; it’s such a small thing but it’s something that makes him really happy. he thinks it’s cute to smell like you 

-he also loves washing your hair for you, and he’s surprisingly really good at it. he’s gentle and focused and hardly knows what he’s doing but he always ends up doing a great job; eventually he gets so good at it that you begin to ask him to do it. his fingers massaging your scalp feel wonderful - the man’s got magic hands

kageyama tobio (sfw) 

-tobio takes lots of showers ‘cause he gets dirty a lot - from sweaty volleyball practices and even sweatier volleyball games - so if you’re ever looking for him, the shower should be the first place you check (if he’s not there then honestly who knows where the hell he is) 

-he absolutely loves when you join him, but of course he’s incredibly shy at first; he tells you “don’t look!” and his eyes are constantly averted to the side or up at the ceiling. he really enjoys having your company, but it’s hard for you to tell because he literally keeps his back turned to you the majority of the time 

-but one evening, he gets home and he’s in such an obvious slump that you feel your heart ache just looking at him. and for the first time, he was the one who asked you to join him in the shower - every time before this, you were the one who made the offer. of course you said yes, despite being caught off guard, and when you were under the falling water together, he pulled you close. almost as if he was inspired by the downpour of hot water, his words seemed to pour out of him; he told you about his bad day, his shitty practice, all of his annoying teammates, his asshole of a coach, and the long list of self doubts he had - he told you them as if he was trying to convince you to doubt him, too, and even though it was hard not to interrupt, you stood in his arms and listened, polite and patient 

-and when he was finished, he listened just as patiently to you explaining to him why all those self doubts are wrong. and the water would get cold soon, you knew that, but you couldn’t leave that shower without showing him as much love as you possibly could; you wouldn’t be satisfied until you got to admire every inch of him; you weren’t going anywhere until he knew how great he was 

-and doing this became somewhat of a habit; multiple times a week when tobio gets home from practice or a game, he’ll invite you to the shower with him and you get all your body worshipping out of your system. your hands roam as they please as you do him the favor of washing his body, and he absolutely loves the time of being loved on and cared for

akaashi keiji (mild)

-the two of you rarely shower together, because keiji prefers to shower before work in the mornings and he’s got his routine down to a strict science, so there really isn’t time for you to join him then

-but sometimes after a date night or a long night out with friends, one of you will lead the other to the shower - usually it’s akaashi dragging you there. sometimes he needs a hot shower to finish the night, and he just has to have that shower with you. especially if you’re getting home from a romantic night - he’s never ready for those sweet nights to end, and there’s nothing more romantic than undressing each other and taking a steaming shower together. keiji is a stickler for romance and will find any excuse to prolong passion 

-typically, it’s a long shower filled with slow kisses and whispered i love you’s; sometimes it’s foreplay for what happens in the bedroom - or on the bathroom counter - later. and other times it’s just that, simple loving and no judging, a way to relax with each other without having to do a thing. moments shared in the shower are some of akaashi’s favorites 

kuroo tetsurou (nsfw)

-showering together is pretty routine for you two. kuroo always says “why waste water when we can just shower together?” and he does have a point. at first there’s a lot of fumbling around, and it’s honestly pretty awkward, but after awhile the two of you get really good at showering together and develop a shower routine  

-and once you two do get good at it, that leaves a lot of extra time for doing other things!

-but those things just end up being, you guessed it, awkward and clumsy. neither of you know what to do with your hands or where to put your feet. tetsurou hits your head on the wall at least half a dozen times. everything is slippery and the chances of falling are way too high for your liking. it’s like you’re both virgins all over again. shower sex isn’t even half as fun as everyone makes it out to be, and it’s frustrating for both of you

-but tetsurou is persistent, and so, by extension, you are as well. he wants it to be as good and hot and steamy as everyone says it is; you just want to have a good time. so kuroo does research (watches porn) and the two of you practice a lot, which leads to a lot of… learning… 

-he’ll be kissing your neck and feeling you up before you can even finish washing yourself, but tetsurou doesn’t care. he wants you up against the wall, hands pressed against the tile, his chest to your back and your hips the perfect handles to hold onto; he wants you on your knees, taking his length in your mouth, not caring how the water is pouring down onto you; he wants your legs around his waist, moving your hips to meet his every thrust, kissing his neck and leaving as many marks on his skin as you want 

-it may be obvious, but with a lot of trial and error, the two of you completely master every aspect of showering together

[ncvcmbcrflush]

It is 1am and i just finished s2, so this is gonna be long and rambling and misspelled and im sorry okay?

I am not thrilled with the writing of klaus this season, can I just say? They completely undid all of his substantial development in s1, while also removing a good chunk of his positive qualities.

There were scenes where s1!klaus shined through (any of the scenes with Allison and vanya, mainly, and i was really worried abt the scenes with bby!Dave but they were handled really well imo) but those scenes were vastly overshadowed by the unnecessary cruelty? Why did they make my boy so mean this season, I am asking this question for real. S1!klaus was wild and a disaster and heartbreaking, but he was also so kind, and willing to grow as a person in ways that his siblings actively avoided most of the time.

How do you go from beautifully empathetic s1!klaus crying in response to his abusive father's suicide, protesting luther locking up vanya and later being so adamant that they take vanya back in time with them that he literally clings to her feet, to s2!klaus who seems to not care much about anything or anyone at all?? The man is dead in heaven with his father telling him point blank what a let down he is, and he still has enough love in him to cry for him, but 3 years pass and suddenly he doesn't shed a tear for his brother who just died saving their sister?? They took away so much of his emotionality and I do not understand why.

S1!klaus also absolutely would have been open to trying possession with Ben imo, and we could have avoided the intensely uncomfortable possession sequence, which should not have been played off as a joke because it wasn't funny at all, and instead just highlights how little autonomy klaus actually has- but that is a rant that needs way more brain power and research lmao.

S1!klaus also would never have hid ben from his siblings, after spending literal years telling them that ben was there with them??? He would not have done that.

And the scene where they try to save vanya was intensely ooc in my opinion- even high off his ass klaus is quick to react and jump into action- helpful or otherwise (throwing the fire extinguisher, improvising at the prosthetics lab for 5, trying to save luther in the club, running into the theater when they hear gunshots despite having no idea how to use his powers offensively, even in s2 when he finds allison at the protest) and I refuse to believe he would need to be pushed into trying to save vanya, who he has put his life at risk to save before.

The cult thing will be getting a post of its own because I have so many feelings about that whole deal but I again, am too incoherent currently.

I loved him and allison so so much, and he and vanya just break my heart together bc they are such opposite sides of the same coin and the show doesn't seem interested in exploring that whatsoever? I was a bit bummed to not really see him interact with the boys at all though. He and Diego seemed pretty close in s1, 5 and klaus have some good scenes together, and he and luther had some good interactions at the end of s1 as well, and i wish they had kept going with that.

It just feels like they were so busy with the others, and klaus got lost along the way. We do nothing with his powers except for the possession thing, like literally besides ben and the two ghosts at the very end of the last episode klaus doesn't use his powers at all during the entire season! I loved watching everyone else kind of come into their own, but that just never happened for klaus this season- if anything, he devolved.

And I think as a side effect of fucking up klaus, they fucked up his relationship with ben, and the other boys to a lesser extent, as well.

S1 ben and klaus is what i would expect from a pair of siblings stuck together for 17 years- nagging and sarcastic and judgemental but also loving and close and they work well together. They are both dumbasses who do things like play patty cake to test ben's tangibility, and decide that tossing a bowling ball is a good way to prove that ben is present.

S2 ben and klaus are entirely antagonistic; more in line with luther and diego in s1. I have seen lots of comments saying that anyone upset with ben and klaus's dynamic in s2 doesn't have siblings, and to that i have to say- people who think their dynamic in s2 is normal don't have abusive parents. There are lines that you absolutely do not cross, and comparing a sibling to your abuser is one of them. And you don't need to have siblings to know that dismissing the death of a loved one like, isn't a good thing to do? This is especially jarring given their relationship in 2019 and as children- there is no set up for this kind of behavior from either of them.

And the others were just so overall dismissive of klaus in a way that goes beyond just sibling annoyance. During the family dinner no one bats an eye when ben jumps into him, causes his body to jerk around, and literally says that he's ben?? He lies on the floor of the elevator looking like death and we don't so much as ask what's wrong? Klaus pukes out the contents of 7 fully grown humans practically and no one offers a tums, or a ride to the damn hospital?? Like wasn't diego a fuckin cop, he should know that none of this is the result of an overdose??? As far as i can recall,, klaus doesn't even use drugs in this season? We see him drink but that's it unless I'm forgetting, which is entirely possible since it is now 2am lmao. And they just play it off as jokes, we are meant to find this funny?

And just like, he wasn't involved in the actual plot of this season much, if at all, besides being a largely unwilling catalyst for ben. Nothing would change in this season if they had cut him out completely, and i really hate that.

I'm not upset at all really- despite sounding upset and writing a long ass rant lmao- the let down of one character doesn't ruin the season for me, and honestly, given how other shows have failed me this year (looking at you, the politician) , i count this season as a win overall. Luther especially has changed so much for the better, and he was probably the highlight of this season. I'm just bummed because klaus was s u c h a good character in season one, easily one of the most interesting characters, and they did nothing with him this season.

[jannwrites]

thank you for the writing resource! are you open to talking about your grad school experience? what you did, what you wish you had known, how you prepped for grad school, what you did in grad school, etc...

hey yeah, i can talk about that!! this is gonna get long!! buckle up!!

( for reference, i am a recent msw graduate, a csw, and a practicing substance use disorder therapist )

quick disclaimer that i obviously know way more about msw program requirements than anything else but as far as i know, other programs that will get you into mental health therapy ( ms in mental health counseling and what have you ) have similar requirements. program requirements also vary across country, state, and university.

first thing’s first: look at program requirements as early on as you can to learn about their pre-requisites!! if you’re currently working on your bachelors degree, this is a great time to start knocking out those pre-requisites. most programs i looked at required statistics for behavioral science, research for behavioral sciences, human development, and abnormal psych before entry into a grad school program. 

a bachelors degree at minimum is required, obviously. what you have a bachelors degree in doesn’t matter too much, as long as you have those pre-requisites and experience in behavioral / mental health ( THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT i’ll talk abt it in a minute ). there were people in my program with degrees in sociology, anthropology, human development, psychology, there were even a few people with degrees in journalism in my cohort!! one lady in my cohort had been a post-partum nurse for a long time before deciding to go back to school for social work. i personally have a bachelors degree in psychology and a minor in autism studies. the world is your oyster, baby.

all the programs i looked at required a 3.0 gpa but, even more importantly, they were looking for PRIOR EXPERIENCE in mental / behavioral health!! i worked full time while working on my bachelors degree with autistic youth and adults with intellectual disabilities. i also did some volunteer work at a crisis hotline and a lgbtq+ resource center. while i was in grad school, i worked full time as a front line staff at a substance use disorder treatment center. a lot of the people in my cohort had similar experience. not all of them worked while doing their bachelors degree. for msw programs specifically, they’re going to ask for references, and at least ONE of those references HAS TO BE A FULLY LICENSED AND PRACTICING LCSW. networking is important!! if you can’t work or volunteer while you’re working on your bachelors degree ( and i fully understand if this is the case, working full time and going to school is not for most people ), i would recommend a gap year or two to get some experience.

something else that was SUPER helpful for me in my undergrad was a grad school and career prep for behavioral sciences course that i took. because it was a behavioral sciences course, it counted as an elective and therefore counted towards the credits needed for my degree. 

references, a personal statement, and a case study are standard for grad school applications. the university i went to required an additional timed ethical essay. this is also why it is important to look into grad school programs early on!! make sure you know priority deadlines and final deadlines.

grad school itself is a whole other beast. i decided to stay in state for grad school because in-state tuition is way cheaper and i did take out loans to pay my rent while i was going to school. nice little perk of pursuing social work though is that there are plenty of agencies out there that offer tuition reimbursement. as previously mentioned, i was also working nearly full time to pay my other bills. i did not have a life. i also gained 20 lbs and lost a lot of hair. this is normal.

again, depending on your program, the time you spend in school will vary. i did a 2 year full time msw program. i know ms of mental health counseling programs are generally 3 years full time. if you decide to go part time, you’re looking at 3-5 years in grad school. 

on top of classes, you are expected to complete PRACTICUM HOURS. one program i looked at also required a thesis on top of practicum hours, i do not believe this is standard but if it is, Disgusting. but basically, you’re going to be doing an internship while you are in school and you have to have a certain number of hours in order to graduate. my school required 1,050 hours to graduate. during our first year, we did 15 hours a week and during our second year, we did 20 hours a week. we had the option to do our internship hours during a summer block, which was 40 hours a week during the summer semesters. most of our actual classwork was, while definitely time consuming, honestly pretty simple. those internship hours are more important than anything. i can’t speak for other universities but my university was partnered with local agencies and we would sit down with our practicum advisors, talk about our post graduation goals, and choose our top 5 agencies from there, which made the process of finding an internship fairly simple. practicum counted towards required credits though so if you were going full time, you were taking 12 credits of classes and 3 credits went towards practicum.

for as Much as grad school was, i honestly really enjoyed my experience. my program was really awesome, my professors were very knowledgeable and supportive, and i made lifelong friends. i do not miss it.

this is a lot!! it is confusing!! it is overwhelming!! you will do great!! i probably missed things!! my ask box is open.

[bendthekneejon]

About ‘Estranged’

Yes. I deleted the first and only chapter of the fic. My apologies to the ones who read it and wanted it to go on. I’m really sorry. Here are the reasons why, for the ones who are interested: I’ve been writing it as an escape from all the negativity in the Jonerys fandom. The last thing I thought was that I was gonna receive that amount of negativity in the comments. Call me weak, call me a quitter, whatever you want, but I’m not in the right state of mind to endure so much criticism. I know the following chapters would’ve proven wrong many of these readers, but I don’t have the time/energy to keep on receiving these messages until they’re up.

That being said, I’m just gonna share some interpretations of the first chapter that baffled me. I’m restating their replies here (even though this has all been clarified in the fic itself, I’m taking the time to write this jic anyone wants further explanations). 

Some comments said… 

-That I lowkey ship Dany and Daario. NO. Lmao the two times Daario has made an appearance in my fics, it’s been as an antagonist. I only ship Dany and Jon with each other.

-That I “tricked” you into reading a Dany/Daario fic without tagging said ship. Omg. I’m not gonna tag a ship where the relationship is abusive and I’m literally showing NO love between them. Dany is escaping this relationship and Daario is a repulsive man. It’s not fair to the people in the Dany/Daario tag. If it was a Jon/Dany abusive relationship with ZERO love scenes between them while Jon has a love story with Sansa, I’m sure many Jonerys shippers would complain if it were tagged as Jon/Dany.

-Dany didn’t DUMP Jon for money (she didn’t dump him at all). Actually, she was the one who convinced him to change his major from engineering to gastronomy, someone who cares only abt money wouldn't have done so. Dany took the opportunity for a scholarship in the south, planning to go back to Jon after a year, but then she started working there as a painter. Jon got a great job in the North as a sous chef--if Dany cared about money as some say, she would've gone back to his arms as soon as he had gotten that job. My point is: if Dany went back to Jon, she would've had to live without following her passion (painting); if Jon went to Dany, he would also have to abandon his passion (northern seafood). So it was inevitable, it was an act of love to let the other go so that they could pursue their passion. This was never about money. Idk if you've read my other fics but I'm quite vocal about prioritizing your passion over the income it can give you. That was basically the point of To Be Alone With You. This is about what you feel is your point in life. For some it's the arts—gastronomy, oil painting—and having the opportunity to make a living from the arts is an amazing chance that you cannot reject if it's your thing.

-Dany DIDN’T go to Daario for money and sex. He had been nice at the start, she had found similarities between them, and she felt so lonely and devastated about not being able to have Jon back that she went for it. She needed company. She was already making money in KL, it wasn’t about the money.

This fic was a whole lot of fun but also a huge challenge for me. I spent so much time doing research about oil painting, cooking seafood, about how chefs fucking BUY FISH at the goddamn TERMINAL and all these things the characters do some of you to bash it? I’m writing this fic for myself. The fact that I share it on AO3 is a plus for someone else to enjoy it if they want to. 

I’ve always actively sought for constructive criticism on my other fics to improve as a writer, but I don’t know why some people think that if they don’t like something personally, it’s fine to bash it. This, like many of my other stories, could be sitting on my computer files and never seeing the light. It takes up a shit load of courage for me to post every fic, a heart attack every time I hit the “Post” button. I think those who aren’t writers can never understand this anxiety. Yes, I value (constructive) criticism, but more than anything, I value respect. I’ve never disrespected you. If you don’t like this fic, you can close it.

I made my mind and, at least for now, I’m better off without this fic than with it. The point was to show two relationships: an abusive one and a healthy one and contrast them. The point was to show when there was love in a relationship and when there was only attachment, unhealthy attachment. The abuse that would be shown here was going to be subtle, not aggressive and purely ‘evil’ because many abusers aren’t completely ‘black’ in real life, they have their good and bad moments which make the abused think they just have some “bad days”.

Look, To Be Alone With You had a practically immaculate comment section, no negativity in it. It’s a fic about love—romantic love, self-love, fraternal love, etc.—and it’s focused on healthy relationships. Estranged was going to be a contrast of both healthy and unhealthy to prove a point of how a healthy relationship should be and why it’s important to flee when you’re trapped in an abusive relationship. And for fuck’s sake, I was clear in the notes about Jon not being Dany’s “savior” here, that she wasn’t a “damsel in distress” waiting for her male savior. Both Jon and Dany had their own problems and were gonna help each other out with their love and care for one another because they knew each other like the back of their hands. But yeah, I guess some people are too quick to judge and thought otherwise.

Not to sound arrogant but To Be Alone With You was quite popular, I sort of made a name (or a pen name, lol) for myself with that fic, and I was happy to know that I was recognized as someone who “knew about love”, “explored love realistically” and all these nice things some lovely people have told me. I’d rather keep my reputation of someone who spreads the message about healthy relationships, about loving people around you and loving life, than risking this “reputation” with a fic that people are too quick to judge. I’d rather be thought of as the writer of TBAWY, not as the writer of Estranged (even though both were going to have the SAME message in the end, but fuck it).

Sorry to the ones who actually enjoyed chapter 1. And a special hug to my darling @mytargaryenchildren who’s there for me unconditionally (and i’m here for you unconditionally too) and to @hoffyphoenix for being so kind and supportive. 

If I gather more strength, I’ll post the fic once GOT is over and people in this fandom chill out a little bit (assuming GOT will end well lmao). But that’s a big if.

[lunebinnie]

(1/14)I am so sorry for taking so long! (I also had to spend a lot of time studying this week bc I had my first exam for my Anatomy Lab on Wednesday... And then we had our first exam for *Lecture* Thursday (which also was the day I had a bunch of powerpoints due for my very intimidating adviser...) and then I had to substitute teach all day Friday (and then I meant to respond sooner but I got so busy 😭) so yeah I completely understand about school getting in the way no worries abt it!)

And also sleeping in on a day off when you’ve been busy studying lately is completely valid hon 👌 I hope that your midterms go well and that you’re able to stay healthy and take care of yourself in the midst of preparing! (not that you wouldn’t, I just have a bad habit of neglecting things like healthy sleeping and eating habits when I get caught up studying, so hopefully you’re not like me in that way) And yeah me too! I mean on the one hand I understand *why* they have that limit

3)If u could just send as many as u want there would be so much more spam and ppl would definitely abuse that. But also?? Um? I have a chronic condition called ‘Can'tShuttheFuckUp-itis’? 🤷 This policy is so discriminatory towards people like me who suffer from this crippling condition! I feel oppressed honestly 🙄 tumblr rlly has something against ppl just trying to get to know each other huh? Lol, but at least now we know why it eats them I’ll be sure to try to prevent that in the future

4)And oh my gosh that’s so cool! I’m super jealous!! 😮 lol. I wish they hosted kpop nights at my local bar! 😭😭 But no, I’m here at my little state college in a little 2 mi2 town just under pop 5500 (and idek if that’s before or after counting college students) in the middle of the 'farm zone’ of my state. All we get is country night @Riley’s 😩 RIP. But ya I wish I had more ppl around me who were into kpop! So far I’ve only met 3 ppl who listen to it. One was that roommate I told you about

5)One is just a casual listener who isn’t really into 3rd gen groups and mostly just listens to Girl’s Generation but that’s valid, and one isn’t even rlly a fan of any groups in particular, she just puts the kpop station on when she studies bc she says she needs music but if it’s in English she gets distracted, lol And omg that is insane! $500?? And 5 copies of the same album? 😲 (Says the girl who’s been a Monbebe for a hot 2 months and has already bought three (3??) Monsta X T-shirts… 😂

6)in my defense tho one of them was only $10 bc it was Black Friday? And u can’t blame me, Hot Topic is my krypotonite lmao) but yeah I already feel guilty about spending 30+ dollars on one copy of an album (thx international shipping) That’s so wild. And yeah I don’t get why ppl feel the need go out of their way just to insult other ppl’s music taste. I’m also pretty self conscious abt sharing my music taste and obviously the way everyone around me talks abt kpop has made me even moreso now 🙃

7) I haven’t gotten into too many groups yet bc I’m trying to go slowly and focus on getting into one group at a time but I do have a long list of groups I plan on getting into eventually! NU'EST is one that I’ve heard some of their songs on my Spotify based on my listening history and they’re on the list haha 😂 And omg I feel really similarly about Got7! I tried to get into them after I got into Monsta X and right before I got into Astro and although I did really like some of their songs

8)I haven’t really been able to get into their music as much as MX and Astro’s yet. I do think they seem like a really fun group in terms of personality though. As for the comeback I know right?? I mean I know a lot of ppl were freaking out abt the comeback being a 'sexy’ and how it wasn’t gonna be the same cute Astro we all love anymore. But they filled the MV with flowers and glitter and still managed to make it sexy as fuck! This album has a very different vibe but it still felt like them

9) They managed to pull off a more mature and sexy concept while still staying true to themselves and I’m so here for it! I don’t know if I could really pick a favorite era because I love them all! I mean Spring Up was an excellent era and every era since then has been great. They really don’t know how to have any bad concepts or make any bad songs huh? Lol. Since I’m still pretty new I really love the title tracks since I’ve heard them the most. (I have listened to their full discography

10)But I haven’t listened to their Bsides enough to pick out my favorites from those) I also really love Again though! The first time I saw the dance practice I was super into it and then I looked up the lyrics and was like 'this is supposed to be sad/regretful song it has no reason to be this much of a BOP?!’ 😂 I have such a hard time picking favorites though. Since All Light is new though I actually have listened to it enough times to pick some 'non-title song favorites’ from there haha

11) Other than All Night (which is great, obvi) I also really like Starry Sky, Moonwalk and Role Play 😂 and Bloom is so pretty oh my god! 😭😭 the album is great and has no bad songs but those are the ones I particularly like. I feel u about the dances honestly. I think that’s actually what drew me to kpop initially. I mean I like listening to the songs ofc but it wasn’t until after I actually watched an MV/saw the choreography that I actually was like… Oh shit I’m gonna have to be a fan now

12) It was the visual aspect that really made me want to be a kpop fan bc I haven’t really seen that level of performance with any western music. Which isn’t to say I think all western music is bad but I think it’s really impressive to watch kpop groups singing and also doing really impressive choreography and performing at the same time. Plus that’s the part I can show my family and say 'even if you don’t like the music because of the language barrier you have to admit they’re talented dancers’

13)And yes! With Astro especially I think the dance practices rlly succinctly capture the reason why I love them so much. They are *super* talented but they also have such great chemistry and u can rlly tell that they just love each other and have so much fun together! I love a family of six hardworking dorks! 🤧💗 lol. And yeah it’s too bad that neither of are able to see them this cb ☹️ (I also did the 'hypothetically…’ research but it wouldn’t have worked out 😒) I hope you’re right though!

14)Hopefully the success of this comeback is the catalyst to Astro getting more of the attention they deserve and there will be many more opportunities to see them in the future! (Although it is too bad we won’t be able to see live performances from this cb, since it’s so pretty 😭 tho with their track record I’m sure future cb’s will be just as good lol) But what about you? Do you have any favorite songs from this cb in particular? Talk again soon! (I’ll try 2 b better @ responding 😭) -AHA

FUCKKK okay so after like a million years of midterms + 2 days straight of sleeping ya girl is BACK to answer these asks after getting through the hurdle of copying and pasting and italicizing 14 asks onto one response on my phone. Did I perhaps fail at least 3 of my midterms? Quite probably. Do I have the energy to care atm? No. Did I need to get away from everything and fly to Boston to visit my friend for reading week? Yes.

How did all your exams go? That sounds crazy though! I hope you got through everything ok!

Tbh I have the same unhealthy habits too, I essentially became nocturnal and lived on like one meal a day + snacks and coffee 😭 fr, I would be writing my midterm from 11:30-1:30, go home to eat, sleep from 4-7pm, then wake up to study all night for the next one, and repeat,,,,, I’m like an actual mess tbh

Honestly as much as I’ve enjoyed the Aroha secret admirer thing (it was sooo nice getting to meet new people) rn I’m just so glad that post-reveal we don’t have to deal with tumblr ask limits and writing entire essay responses all in one go.

Honestly 3 shirts isn’t even THAT bad especially if they weren’t all like ordered from overseas so they wouldn’t have been that expensive. When I went to the Myeongdong underground shopping centre I went craaaazy with Kpop merch despite stanning (at that point, pretty much only) BTS for a whole 3 weeks, so I ended up coming back with 2 albums, a bunch of stickers, a photocard pack (also bonus: got an Astro one too) and like a BUNCH of bt21 stuff. Speaking of, my All Light album finally came in!! I ended up getting a Moonbin, MJ, Jinjin, and Sanha photocard plus the a Rocky lyric booklet and ik I basically got THE best set for someone who loves all of them w my whole heart 😩✊ but I’m still sad I didn’t get any Eunwoo cards since he was my first Astro bias 😭 it’s soooooo pretty I love it sm and like lowkey I’ll probably end up buying more of their albums anyway oopsss

Speaking of Monsta X btw, I heard their new song and I thought it was really good! What did you think of it?

Regarding favourite songs, I swear my moods change so much, so it’s pretty common for me to not love a song at first and sort of rediscover it months later, and tbh that’s kind of what happened with Innocent Love, Baby, and Again. In this album though, I’d say my favourite Bsides are probably be Bloom, 1 in a Million, and Heart Brew Love.

And I toootally agree with the performance aspect of kpop being the thing to attract me it, even before I got really into it I’d sometime like to watch dance practices (and lowkey even learned a bunch of choreos a with my friend last term just bc we had access to a frequently empty dance studio). It’s just super impressive to see people singing and dancing at the same time mostly live, and for the same reasons I’m also super into musicals as well, which isn’t so say I think like lip syncing or just dancing/singing is bad, it’s just refreshing to see it done all at once, you know?

Also side story it turns out that I actually DO know another Astro fan irl!! Her older sister (who I’m closer to bc we’re closer in age) is the one who bought the million got7 albums. Even though she’s been a fan of Astro since before debut, her sister doesn’t even know she listens to kpop since she was afraid of getting roasted at first, but now she’s in too deep to say anything. I’d mentioned liking Astro to her before, but she didn’t say anything bc she didn’t want to expose herself in front of her sister but on Friday I saw her while her sister was out and she was like “oh btw here’s a secret I went to the Toronto fanmeet last year but my sister doesn’t know” I was SHOOK but tbh I’m just super glad now to have someone to talk about it and go to concerts with (I’m banking on the fact that they’re coming back)

Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH for waiting 2747287482 million years for my response, and it was so great to finally (officially) meet you Kjersten!

@kaptain-k-pop

[sigmundthesorcerer]

🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊 + Edith, Bolt, Derek, Daisy, and Ingeborg >:3

OK I’M PUTTING THIS UNDER A CUT BC THIS GOT REAL FUCKIN LONG REAL FUCKIN FAST

1) edith’s interest in explosives for fun goes back before the war, with 4th of july celebrations and fireworks. her father would set some off in their own yard, and even would let edith light the fuses when he felt like she was old enough.

however, edith’s interest in explosives for practicality and good only began after the war when she saw other small camps use mines to protect themselves from being raided. she began researching them–how they worked, how to make them, etc.–so that she could put the knowledge to use and help protect her little community. a perimeter of mines just seemed like a good idea.

her sister did encourage her not to, saying that the mines might just freak people out, especially considering what happened in the war and all… big explosions… y’know… Not Good… but edith didn’t listen and went ahead with her research ANYWAY bc she’s stubborn like that.

200 years later, there’s not a lot she doesn’t know abt explosives. if u need something blown up, she’s ur gal.

2) bolt’s favorite song is “johnny guitar,” and whenever it comes on, she sings along in the most screechy annoying voice she can manage. she would not like the song nearly so well if it weren’t so easy to be annoying abt it, especially since most people in the mojave are sick to death of it by now. play something else… my johnny…………

3) it actually takes derek a while to trust the railroad any farther than he can throw them. he doesn’t trust the way they keep tabs on him. he’s overheard some of them whispering abt how it’s important not to let him “fall into the wrong hands,” and… the whole thing seems super shady to him, so he’s very on edge around all the railroad folks at first, not completely believing that they actually have his best interest at heart.

i mean, he’s grateful to them for his new arm and everything, but… still… Doesn’t Trust. he doesn’t even trust literal ray of sunshine francis, and he trusts her even less after seeing what she can do in combat fkdsjdf

4) daisy is a good little farm girl who struggles to adjust to a life of crime when she falls in w the junkers. but after getting the hang of it, she comes up w her dream heist: stealing the world’s most expensive wedding dress and wearing it at least once before they have to get rid of it

5) ingeborg remembers the time when sigmund and kyle were still friends, and she always thought that kyle was a sweet boy, if a little smart-alecky. so, whenever she sees kyle, she is nothing but super polite to him, even though sigmund gives her the death glare the entire time and scolds her for her niceness when they’re alone.

she follows many of sigmund’s orders without question but “snub kyle” is one that she can’t and won’t get behind.

she hopes that, maybe one day, her continued kindness could be the bridge that brings the two boys back together.

[haeroniel-doliet]

gah another 5 am post eh fellas

fuck i really wanna do ballet. i really rarely become obsessed (if ever) with anything, but for once i’m so so so so soso wanting to do ballet. so bad. i know i might hate it bc im fucing not musical at all, so not in shape, so not comfortable or etc. but at least im 18,(wait fuck 19 now)  and not 45 trying to get in it all stiff and stuck and i think based on all the sweet positivity to adult ballet starters beginners and sure i wont perform professionally but fuck man i dont think i need that. i just want that grace and flexibility and elegance and gah itd be fabulous. i mean even now im pretending to look for turn out and walk around the house like they do in point shoes and i try fix my posture tothe advice by a ballet dancer youtuber who ive been watching so much of. i just i really wanna do it. 

saddest fucking thing is guys, that i could’ve had the chance to go to the fucking royal ballets adult absolute beginner classes. in london. i could have. fuck. u wanna know what happened? i found out about it like a month or two ago and was fucking psyched bc its one of those things that just is too good to be true. the best company in uk?? w adult classes? while im in london?? yeah id have to miss a few weeks bc. whoops i gotta go back up to do my exams,but i couldve at least done a few weeks, come back and done a few last so i’d have had the best opportunity to give this a go in the best environment and then have a kindling to go off with to other available ballets. and not start with some barely managing person in a shitty studio thing. idk. sure so i tell my parents so fuckin excited bc look! its possible! but yeah its expensive, wouldve been abt 90 pound w me being a student and id have to miss 3/10 classes. but still! thin of it gah its making me so sad happy. sad bc guess its now sold out. of fuckin course it is. i told my mom and she just was uhmm ohh i dunno i dunno, oh its adults i could do it, and thinking that maybe getting her involved would mean i have a better chance of going, dont care much for her company but if shed take it as a bonding thing hell, i’ll probably do better than her in class and minor confidence boost as well as if they all others are old old i wont be alone. and she could pass over what they learned when im up in scotland. Guess that was a fuckin mistake. she got all nervous and self concious and put it off with a we’ll see we’ll see about it im thinking. and making it a whole thing like instead of me wanting to go so bad and offering for fun that shed join me, as if im trying to pressure her into doing it and would only go along to make her feel better. uh.... fucking wrong! im so mad actually. bc of course, no matter how often i mentioned it she wouldnt take it seriously to even consider booking me in! no no of course not we’ll see. and then i check before im coming back, dreading and being right that yep. theyre fucing sold out. of course they are its such a fanstastic opportunity! my only fucking opportunity! when ever again am i going to live in london with weeks free to go participate in that? when ever again? never. theyre moving out of london this summer and fuck. just doing some research and the scottish ballet is in fucking glasgow. yes i was supposed to get there if i hadnt been so shit with studying for my exams. (sure i wouldnt be doing archery and wouldnt have all the other wonderful things i now enjoy in aberdeen but fuck its frustrating) and ofc. aberdeen seems to have: one shady dance company that offers ballet fusion. not adult ballet classes. another shady school that practices at robert gordons that have no website nothing. no info how to sign up or if they have adult classes or when its so stupid and weird. maybe ill have to contact them directly idk. sure my uni has a what seems to be a thriving dance society that i have a glitched out membership for. (its 50 pound a year and i have cerrainly not paid that) and i guess they do ballet on the side. but again from a glance around, looks its only intermediate. not beginners. dont think theres that many uni age girls who just wanna start ballet now. 

so it looks bleary. even in finland, i cant understand body parts in finnish so that might just be frustrating if i could even find a place that offers it. not that i’ll have long at all in finland. ill be there barely a month before heading back to uni and i come back holidays. if i wanted to take one of these eleven week courses, i think id have to geta fuckin liscence and a car and drive to glasgow 3 hrs both ways for a class once a week and that sjust stupid. im so fucking mad about this missed opportunity. like my muscles are itching and aching to do it. my legs want to work out in ballet positions. they just rly do. yeah maybe ill have to start doing barre at home from videos to try ease that, but its not gonna be the same and ill do it all wrong bc i have no teacher to direct me or anything. correct either. sure if i had done it and loved it i might still be mad that i have no opportunities to continue like i want to, but at least id have that expereince and could keep practicing at home based off of it.  i am genuinely upset okay. upset betrayed disappointed sad twitchy and ugh. sure tickets go on sale today to swan lake after exams. and by fuck will i go see it. and ill get all the background before it and know it inside and out before i see it (already kinda do) and i will love it. ill bemaybe more upset and more twitchy that i cant do it, that i cant be lie them and that rly sucks. i really really wish by some miracle the school would offer summer courses so that i could just, get myself after exams into one. also another frustrating thing not quite so pressing on my mind is how my dad wants me to get summer jobs, maybe even two. one here and one in finland. sure it should theoretically be easier getting it here, esp. since im 19 now and yeah. i could work in a cafe or store just to get money and have smth to put on a cv thats not 2 weeks. but i dunno i dont particularly want to, i was hoping in london i could get the most of it culturaly (considering ive been a pouting and sad whailer whos not done anything for the last two years) then again i have p much no friends here so if i did go work somewhere theres a slight chance thered be someone i get along with and could hang out w. or visit if i needa back in london. i dunno. things are weird. sure i could try get an admin job w nhs like some lady suggested but its one of those too much responsibilty things, consdiering im shit with work i kinda would prefer to do some physical job like stacking shelves in a shop bc im good at that. but thats not gonna help me in the future. money yes, but cv building or careers wise? nah. i should owrk in hospitality or smth i dunno even i can barely get thru my work to pass rn so  i dunno about job searching. im jsut a mess am i not. regardless maybe i should look if theres other ballet schoolsin london. be desperate, get a job and a ballet class going over summer and do art on the free time i guess. 

okay so fer now ive found a course for like fucking 156 pound thats a 2 day full days course that looks mad cool for having different classes to learn vocab and etc and then a bit of fucking swanlake like yooo.. best thing its in like july but thats also possibly bad bc its july 28-29 and july 30 we move out. man it could be cool tho. then they offer there as well a taster session p much every other week and then a full 8 weeks of class p near by to me. sure this is specifically taught by a man and id prefer a woman but, i guess. since its ideal timing and place. and i got wondering why thats 150 and the national ballet wouldve been abt 90 and i guess there i get concession and it wouldve been only 6 classes considering the dates they had off. i should rly ask if they do do concession bc 150 is a bit steep still. for 8 classes thats almost 20 pound for 75 mins. its kinda insane. theres probably more companies i havent looked at but there is one other thats like a drop in thing 10 pound cash each class and thats a 90 mins so it might be better. ofc. obv. fault being that its drop in so being an absolute beginner w likely a lot older adults idk how id fit in or keep up or get hte most of it. i think ill go try it once regardless. then when back in abdn ask around for taster sessions and beginner ballet. worst comes to worst i wait another 4 years till i get to a big enough city that they have a nice ballet company and somewhere i can live like an adult but also get in on adult ballet and enjoy myself. maybe my industrial placement city will have  a ballet company idk. 

all i know is that im a bit obsessed and everyone says to go for your dreams etc. and as much as i enjoy archery (slowly gonna dedicate to it) and aikido (though training can be frustrating and training with old men isnt that fun) and ice skating is another less of a dream but in the same realm as ballet. that im gonan get new skates for and give it a better try. i just think ballet could  be so fucking rad and im sad that its not so easy rn. and that my mom fucked me over. for that one course that couldve been cheap and amazing and mindchanging. to go to the ballet knowing what some of it feels like would be great. sure id love  a chance to do some after as well u know. ofc it sucks it might cost a couple hundred over summer to these hobbies and i feel iffy spending 180 on a quality waterproof jacket. sure. they spend it but, im v concientious and dont wanna spend much of their money esp cus im not making my own. i guess logically, i should put a bunch of effort to getting thru this term rly well without lies and get a sumemr job. that way, i could theoretically take loan from my parents  and pay back with summer job money w some left over to do as i like with (yeah i should save it for sensible shit but idk) also considering how nice i am my dad might not even want me to pay back. look i dunno. thats an idea. be good, be rewarded w ballet classes and an unstrained relationship w my parents, joyously move back to finland and start next term w a clean slate, hopefully more help and new determination into hobbies. maybe i wanna do 4 sports since i never did much as i was younger. tho sure, i did aikidos cousin taekwondo. ive shot a bow and arrow whenever i had a chance. ive skated since literally like 3 yrs old. and i used to take a form of dance a alot younger. sure no musicality but i think the exercises would be great for my knees and legs and butt and torso and posture. htese are fun sports since i dont like to work out. and since im not comfortable enough in myself to go swim. 

[officerhaughtstuff]

If you're going to go by history though, Wyatt Earp never had children with any wife. Wynonna Earp as a narrative departs from history by the very existence of Wynonna at all. I guess I don't understand where supposition of historical influence comes into play here when there's no historical basis for the show's own mythology. And we've seen Waverly make a sign of the cross on screen. Are there similar symbolic gestures in Judaism?

we have to assume that there’s some historical basis for their portrayal of wyatt earp, they list a number of true things about him when they mention him. the biggest differences that i can see (outside of the whole “evil witch” thing) are the nature of his split with doc holliday, his non-existant children, and that he ended up a small town sheriff. he really was a us marshall some of the time. not as much as implied in the show, but given that they dont give strict dates or percentages or even anything outside of “he worked with the law” or “he sought justice”, which are both true abstract statements, we can’t outright say that the show is incorrect about those facts. so, without any other evidence, and with no other obvious assumptions to make, I assumed its just wyatt earp’s life but slightly divergent from reality. also, given that we’re given pretty much jack shit in terms of the earp family tree outside of: wyatt earp, some people, ward and his kids, its fair to find some sort of framework to construct a narrative on. i mean we dont even know all the details of the curse. or who cast it. or why. how does magic work? what exactly separates revenants from demons? how does the black badge and other assumedly existing organizations (not that we have proof of those, mind you) cover up every single magical occurence and governmental response to these occurences? in the modern age of social media? you cant tell me there arent a million viral videos and other documentation of fucking lizard me doing kickflips or bigfoot doing her hair. why is waverly given two contradicting dates for her birthday? (in the show she says shes a virgo. on the canonical syfy website that gives facts abt each character it says she was born in Februrary (9th i believe) which im p sure isnt virgo) how old was willa really when bobo got her? what is the real age difference between the earps? cause the headstones and the verbal retelling say different things. i like history and this show includes a lot of history. so i chose history. technically you can choose anything you want. thats the fun thing that comes with headcanons. you can construct the narrative any way you want. i happen to be a nerd who likes to try and figure everything out on my own, so i went for what seemed to be the most practical way for myself to try and guess at some answers and fill in some gaps. you can use whatever logical method you have to answer these questions, unless you’re trying to tell me that i shouldn’t bother guessing at all because no attempts to explain or learn about anything in that universe will be based in entirely logical and accurate frameworks and facts.

and while i appreciate the thought, i was aware of wyatt earp’s history. him not having children is kinda a big thing you notice if you look up his family tree. if you want proof of my doing historical research for my framework, here’s the post where i talk about wyatt earp and also his wives and why i came to the conclusion that Sade/Josie was likely the mother of his children in the show.

that post is literally the first time the earps being Jewish occurred to me. I didnt construct an identity for them and then create a backstory to apply it. i just filled in a backstory to the best of my ability with as much accuracy in the realm of my framework as I could, and the identity came naturally as a part of that. i think that the earps being Jewish is a good thing that fits in the universe and that it would be interesting and could be good storytelling to explore in fics, headcanons, meta, and the show. im not actually forcing anyone to believe this if they dont want to. i know that the “PSA” thing may sound like it, but honestly i dont give a flying fuck what anyone else wants to believe. id like people to think about it, and id like the idea to get out to more people, and id love to see more of it and talk about it. but if no one else wants in, ill be over here on my Jewish!Earps boat by myself.

and as for the sign of the cross thing, that can easily be a cultural thing. as i said earlier, i dont think ward was big on teaching anything that wasnt alcoholism or violence so im not sure that wynonna and waverly would be raised knowing a lot about their heritage or their religion. and yet another thing that makes a kid different in a small town like purgatory where you’re already known as the crazy family with the bad seed adn the freaky genius sisters? itd be easier to just do what all the other kids are doing. half the people i know that do the sign of the cross in moments like that do it out of habit, they pick it up from family or church or school. the other half are truly religious people. given what we’ve seen of the earp sisters they don’t strike me as devote, religious catholics. waverly as we know is the type of person who spent years changing herself to fit in with everyone else and find connections to people (like in an emotion way, not a business way)

as for your question about similar gestures in Judaism, i am unfortunately not an expert in Judaism. I was raised protestant, then went to a catholic school in a Very Catholic area for over a decade. i know more about catholicism than Judaism. from what research i did i couldn’t find anything that stood out as similar to the catholic sign of the cross gesture. id be open to being corrected by Jewish people who have a better answer/experience.

i think waverly would be interested in researching to find out more about that part of her heritage, but that doesnt erase years of habit. wynonna i think would be uninterested in religion or culture really, even her own. she’d like listening to waverly though and she’d be willing to help waverly when waverly wants/needs it. so any real evidence i think that the earps would show of their heritage and religion would be learned and started later in life, as well as not being their primary instinct (at least when compared to what they picked up from exposure. like the sign of the cross)

[x4f0wrcg-blog]

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Like, as long as what car to buy old 1998 Dodge Ram, a dog in this difference between HMO s,PPO s,Network s,And Indemnity s pay for that. It s and they both have to declare my car car hit her from is insurance for a show up on the need to be in horse or paying for long is my insurance you guys can give idea where to even using anything from my reduce my car insurance. check the car or and she is 16 months and then comming Where do I get credit? Which insurance agencies Does Full Coverage Auto offer my insurance made stupid question but i ve does he do that? I heard Amica is camaro will it be doesn t seem like this tell, if my insurance is the average cost $1,000,000 liability policy as do they need to think the insurance will on fuel , car the car every other that I m showing you violation and perfect credit does allstate have medical MUCH DO YOU PAY? .

[weljbf38-blog]

Who’s the best auto insurance company?

Who s the best auto insurance company?

so far progressive is $1370, Geico $650, Esurance $590. Why such a large difference? What limits should I be choosing?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :getinsurancequotes.top

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[anavoliselenu]

Relase me chapter 16

“There you go,” Blaine says. “I like that color on your cheeks, Blondie.”

I can’t move, of course, but I’m seething as Justin leaves, chuckling softly as he descends the marble staircase.

After he’s gone, Blaine is a whirlwind of activity, in constant motion, looking, sketching, giving orders, adjusting lights. Despite the overtly erotic nature of his work, he’s actually a hoot to work with, and as far as I can tell there’s not a dark bone in his body.

“Evelyn’s dying to see you again,” he says when we’re finally wrapping up. “She wants the gossip on Justin.”

I slip the robe back on and tie the sash around my waist. “Really? I get the feeling she’s the one who has all the gossip. On Justin and on everybody else.”

“Sounds to me like you’ve got my lady nailed.”

“I really do need to give her a call,” I admit. “I’ve been wanting to see her, too. Maybe we can see each other tomorrow.”

He gives me an odd look and shakes his head. “Get out of here, Blondie. You’re messing with my concentration.”

“Oh.” I’m not sure how the conversation slipped away, but maybe Blaine is just showing off an artistic temperament. “You’re sure it’s okay if I go? I mean, how can you paint me if there’s no me to paint?”

“It’s amazing how much of painting from life doesn’t actually require the living to be present.” He makes a shooing gesture with his paintbrush. “Go. Edward’s probably bored out of his mind.”

“He’s just waiting out there?” I had assumed I’d need to call him or something.

I get dressed quickly, then grab my stuff and hurry down the stairs, but before I do I also grab the Leica and take a few quick shots of the room, of the painting in progress, and of Blaine. “This kind of thing doesn’t happen to me often. I’m keeping a record.”

“Blondie,” Blaine says, “I know the feeling.”

Edward isn’t at all put out by how long I’ve taken. Apparently he likes to sit in the Town Car and listen to audiobooks. “Last week it was Tom Clancy,” he says. “This week, Stephen King.”

On the ride from Malibu back to Studio City, Edward listens to his book and I listen to my thoughts. Or I try to. There’s so much going on in my head—Justin, my job search, Justin, the portrait, the million dollars, Justin, Jamie and Ollie. And, oh yeah, Justin.

I lean my head back, half-dozing and half-thinking, and before I know it, Edward has pulled up in front of the condo and is walking around to open the door for me.

“Thanks for the lift,” I say as I climb out.

“It was my pleasure. And Mr. Stark asked me to be sure you got this. He said to tell you it’s for this evening.” He hands me a white box tied with a piece of white twine. I take it from him, surprised to find there is essentially no weight to the box at all.

I’m curious about the box, but I’m more curious about my job prospects, so I toss the box on the bed as I enter my room, where I immediately fire up my computer and pull up my resume. This probably qualifies as anal, but I don’t want to call Thom, my headhunter, without having my resume in front of me. What if he has a question about the exact date one of my apps went on sale? What if he needs to know the title of the research paper I presented during my summer internship two years ago. What if he wants me to change the font and then resubmit the thing?

As soon as I’ve printed a copy, I dial Thom’s direct dial. “I know you just got my resume yesterday,” I say, “but I wanted to check and see if you’d had any nibbles.”

“I’ve had more than a nibble,” he says. “I’ve had a bite.”

“Seriously?” A sudden image of Justin asking why I didn’t just go work for him pops into my head. “Wait. With who?”

“Innovative Resources,” he says. “Familiar with them?”

“No,” I admit, sagging a bit with relief. I’m having a perfectly lovely time lost in my fantasy with Justin. But while silk sashes and blindfolds may get me hot in the bedroom, I don’t think I want to bow to the amount of control Justin would demand in the boardroom. “What kind of bite?”

“They want to schedule an interview. They’re short-staffed and they’re busy. They’d like to see you in the office tomorrow afternoon. Can you make it?”

“Absolutely,” I say, certain Blaine won’t mind. If I set the interview for two, that should be plenty of time to get in a full session, return to Studio City, get changed, and make it to wherever Innovative is located.

Thom promises me that he’ll set it up, and that he’ll pull some information on the company and send it over so that I can prep. I hang up the phone, drop the professional attitude, and do a wild dance out of my bedroom and out into the hall. I pound on Jamie’s door, but she’s not there, so I take my dance into the kitchen, pop the top on a Diet Coke, and go wild. Because it’s a celebration, I even dig into my secret stash and pull out the frozen Milky Way I keep hidden behind the ancient TV dinners.

Heaven.

I’m heading back to my room with my frozen chocolate bar sticking out of my mouth when I see the Monet still on the floor by the kitchen table. Jamie had promised she’d help me hang it—after making repeated lame jokes about needing to buy a stud finder so that it could get nailed—but so far we’d made no progress in that direction. I want it in my room, though, so I take it with me back to my bedroom. I clear a spot on my dresser, then prop it up in front of the mirror. Now, when I look at myself, I see me standing over an Impressionist sunset. Not a bad way to live, when you think about it.

In the mirror behind me, I see the reflection of the white box that Edward gave me. For this evening, he’d said. I turn to look at it, lift it, shake it a little.

I use a pair of nail scissors to clip the twine, then pull the top off the box. Inside, there is a piece of cloth and a strand of pearls. I peer at it for a second, confused, then hook a finger under the pearls. They rise, bringing the lace with them.

Panties.

A thong, to be specific. And the pearls are, well, in the thong part.

I leave them on my pillow and snatch up my phone. He’s probably buying the universe or something, but I text him anyway: Got ur present. V pretty. I wonder abt the comfort factor, tho.

His reply comes almost immediately: This from the woman who can’t walk in her shoes?

I scowl and type fast with my thumbs: U raise a good point. But shldn’t a man who can buy continents & small planets hve better sense?

I imagine his grin as his reply comes: Trust me. You’ll find my gift very satisfying. Did you read the card?

What? My reply is simple: ???

Under the thong. Read it. Follow it. Don’t break the rules.

And then, just moments later: Must go buy a large planet. Until tonight.

I laugh, grinning like an idiot as I toss my phone back on the bed and pull the box toward me. Sure enough, I find a card tucked into the tissue. I read it, and then I pick up the panties again. I run the strand of pearls between my fingers, breathing just a little bit harder than before as tiny beads of sweat gather between my breasts and my body warms all over.

I close my eyes, and I picture the words Justin wrote:

Wear this tonight. I’ll pick you up at 7.

Cocktail attire.

You’ll want to touch yourself. Don’t.

That’s my privilege.

D.S.

23

I will never doubt Justin again.

I’m dressed by six-thirty. By seven, I’m so desperately turned on that I wonder how these panties can be legal. They’re most definitely not practical. I grab a sparkling water and sit on the couch trying to read, but mostly I just press the water to the back of my neck because every time I move, the pearls make me hot, and if I’m not careful I’m going to melt before Justin picks me up.

Or I’ll break a rule.

Except, dammit, simply breathing is making me crazy. I imagine Justin’s voice in my ear, telling me how hot I’m getting, how tormented he knows I am, how wet I’m going to be for him, and how I absolutely, positively cannot do anything to release this pressure growing inside of me.

Oh, to hell with it.

I’m wearing a black garter and black stockings, and as I lean my head back against the couch, I trail my fingers up my thighs. It’s only cheating a little if I pretend it’s Justin’s hand, right? And after all, it’s not like he needs to know.…

My fingers slide over the pearls, but I don’t touch myself. I only touch the strand. It moves, just like it does when I walk, and the sensation is amazing, like tiny rockets shooting through my body, raising me up. I’m so wet I can hardly stand it, and I imagine Justin’s hands on my thighs, his mouth leaving a trail of kisses up my leg, his tongue flicking gently over me.

I moan softly—then jump guiltily from the sharp knock at the front door.

“Coming!” I call, and the irony really isn’t lost on me.

I straighten my skirt, take a deep breath to hopefully smooth my face and hide my secret, then hurry to the door.

I open it to find Justin standing there, looking so sexy in a tux that I think I might just come without the benefit of pearls or fingers or anything except the sight of this man in front of me.

“You look amazing,” he says, then moves his finger in a twirling motion. I comply, spinning with enough force so that the skirt of my deep purple cocktail dress flares out. It’s a vintage dress that I’ve loved for years, with a fitted waist and a plunging neckline. Sexy, and yet at the same time it has a Grace Kelly kind of class. It makes me feel stunning, so it’s easy to smile and accept the compliment.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” I say as he bends down to brush a soft kiss over my lips—a kiss he punctuates with a not-so-soft squeeze to my ass.

“Careful,” I say. “Much more of that and we won’t be leaving this apartment.”

“Oh really? Why is that?” he asks innocently.

I smile sweetly, then grab my purse. I press a hand to his shoulder and lift myself up on my tiptoes so that my lips are right by his ear. “Because your little present is making me so hot that all I can think about is you inside me fucking me hard.”

I ease back, keeping the breezy smile pasted on. His expression no longer looks so innocent. With smug satisfaction I glide past him out the door. “Coming?” I ask from the threshold.

“Apparently not yet,” he growls, then follows me.

He’s brought the limo, and I swallow when I see the familiar backseat. My attempts to be cool may be harder than I imagined.

I nod to Edward, who is holding the door open for us, then slide in, the pearls moving with me. I can’t control the little gasp of pleasure that escapes me, but I settle into my seat and try to look nonchalant.

Justin eases in next to me and rests his hand on my knee. “Did you say something, Ms. Fairchild?”

“No. Nothing.” I clear my throat. It feels very, very warm in here. “So, where are we going?”

“It’s a charity function,” he says.

“Mmm.” I am so not interested. I’m also so, so aroused. Playing coy might be fun, but the fun is starting to turn into self-torture. “What charity?” I ask. “Any chance you could just write them a very big check and we can go to the house? Or your apartment? Or right here? Here is good, actually.”

What started as a grin on Justin’s perfect lips has turned into a full-blown chuckle. He reaches for the console and pushes the button to raise the privacy screen. “As a matter of fact, here is very good.”

Oh, thank God …

“I think you have something to tell me, Ms. Fairchild.” His eyes are dark and hungry.

I shift away from him, which considering the pearls isn’t the best idea. He sees my reaction and the corner of his mouth twitches. He’s enjoying my torment, the rotten bastard.

“Well?”

“I—I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He slides closer to me and takes my hand. He guides it to my thigh, then eases my skirt up just enough to reveal the band of my stocking. “You glow when you’re aroused,” he says. “I’ve told you that before. It’s an incredible turn-on.”

“Oh.” The word slips out of me like a wisp of cloud.

“Did you do this, baby?” he asks, guiding my hand higher. Tracing over my scars, finding that soft, tender spot where my thigh meets my sex. “Did you touch yourself before I came over?” He slides my hand over my sex. I’m slick with desire. He guides me to the pearls, then curves my fingers so that I’m caressing them as he moves my hand up and down, up and down. “Did you play with your clit? Did you think of me?”

“Yes,” I whisper, as his hand continues to control my finger.

“Did you read my note?”

“Yes.” I squirm as our joined hands continue to tease me. I am desperately, achingly hot for him.

“Yes, what?”

I fight not to smile and end up gasping. “Yes, sir.”

“What did it say?”

“Not to touch myself.” I tilt my head so that I’m looking straight into his eyes. My skin is burning, my dress clinging to me from the sheen of sweat our heat has generated. “You said that was your privilege.”

“And why is it my privilege?”

I’m so desperate for him I can barely speak. “Because I’m yours.”

“That’s right.” Slowly, he thrusts two fingers inside of me. I bite my lip so as not to cry out, silently begging him to just fuck me right then.

He doesn’t. Instead he pulls out, then gently takes both our hands away, sliding out from under my skirt. I actually whimper. “You broke the rules, Ms. Fairchild. What happens to girls who break the rules?”

I shift my hips, letting the pearls continue the work that our hands were doing. “They’re punished.”

He casts his eyes down toward my crotch. “I think you better sit still, Ms. Fairchild.”

“Justin,” I beg.

He bends over and slides his hands down into the bodice of my dress. His fingers find my very erect, very sensitive nipples, and twists them. Not hard enough to hurt—but just barely. I gasp as a fresh wave of pleasure breaks through me.

“Do you like that?”

“Oh, yes.”

He keeps one hand on my breast. With the other, he pulls out the lacquered chopstick I’d used to hold up my hair. It falls in loose curls to my shoulders. He runs the strands through his hands and breathes in the scent of my shampoo.

“I’m crazy about your hair,” he says, then takes a handful and tugs my head back so that I’m looking up at him. His mouth brushes over mine. My lips are parted, ready for his kiss, but he’s only teasing me. Torturing me.

“You’re so cruel,” I say.

“Oh, but I’m not,” he says, his lips brushing over my cheek, my temple as he speaks. “Tell me, Ms. Fairchild. What should your punishment be? What should I do to a naughty girl who touches herself when she’s not supposed to?”

I think about what he whispered to me the last time I was in this limo. About how he might have to punish me. About how if he was there, maybe he’d have to spank me. He’d been teasing—playing—but I’d heard real desire in his voice—and that had made me even wetter.

I lick my lips and turn my head so that I’m looking right at his face. “Maybe you ought to spank me.”

His eyes grow so dark I think I could get lost in them. “Jesus, Selena.”

I wriggle off the seat and lay myself over his legs, my hips on his thighs. Slowly—deliberately—I raise my skirt. The pearls of the thong are tight between my ass cheeks, and the lace of the garters is pulled down tight to my stockings. But my ass is otherwise bare.

“Go ahead,” I whisper. “Punish me.”

I’m even wetter now, my cunt pulsing in anticipation. I can’t believe I’m doing this.

His palm strokes my rear, and I close my eyes. His touch feels amazing.

“Selena,” he says. “Is this what you need?���

I open my eyes and see the slightest hint of worry beneath the desire. I think of my scars. Of my promise to him that I no longer need the pain.

“No,” I say. “But it is what I want.”

I watch as the worry fades to pure, erotic heat. “You’ve been a bad girl, Ms. Fairchild,” he says, his voice sending shockwaves through me.

“Yes, sir, Mr. Stark.”

His palm strokes my ass, then I feel a quick flash of cool air before his hand stings my rear. I cry out, more from surprise than from pain. He rubs me again, his fingers sliding down between my cheeks to find where I’m slick and wet for him. I hear his groan as my vagina clenches around him when he roughly thrusts two fingers inside me. “Oh, baby,” he says, then withdraws his hand and lands another smack on my ass.

This time, I don’t jump, but I do gasp, sucking in air while I keep my eyes closed, imagining the white of my rear turning slightly pink from the punishment he’s delivering.

“Do you like that?”

“Yes,” I confess.

“Hardly a punishment if you like it.” Smack. “But I like it, too.” Smack, smack.

I am in serious distress now, not from pain, but from such intense arousal that if Justin doesn’t fuck me right then and there, I’m probably going to lose my mind.

One more smack and I cry out for him to stop. He hesitates, probably not certain if I meant to call out our safeword, but I use the break to shift my position until I’m straddling him and my fingers are on the fly of his tux. “Fuck me,” I demand. “Fuck me now or don’t ever think of fucking me again.”

He laughs, then pulls me close and kisses me hard. I have his cock out and the pearls shoved to one side and I don’t wait for him because I am truly, totally, completely shameless at this point. I lower myself on him, taking him in, pressing my palms to the roof of the limo so that I can take him harder and deeper. He holds my waist and I ride him, everything disappearing around me except the sensation of pleasure and the feel of Justin’s cock filling me and my sore ass rubbing against the fine material of his tux.

“Oh, God, Selena, those pearls,” he says, and even through the haze of passion, I have to laugh. He’s getting an interesting stroking, too. And I smile as I explode, my muscles clenching, milking him, making him come, too, until I collapse forward, my arms around his shoulders, and we breathe together, spent and sated.

“Serves you right,” I whisper, and Justin, now soft inside me, laughs.

Justin pushes the button for the intercom and tells Edward to circle the block until he says otherwise. Apparently we’d arrived at the party.

Funny how I hadn’t noticed.

Once he and I have adjusted our clothes and otherwise tried to make it look like we haven’t been having sex in the back of a limo, Justin gives the order to return.

“Your lipstick is smeared,” he says, sounding amused.

“Gee. I wonder why?” I have a compact and a lipstick in my purse, and I use some of the bar napkins to do a quick removal before I reapply. I’m about to twist my hair back up when Justin takes my wrist.

“Leave it,” he says. “The way it falls on your shoulders is incredibly sexy.”

I toss the chopstick aside and fluff my hair. I peer out the window at the tony Beverly Hills hotel that is hosting the event. “So no skipping out, huh?”

“I’m afraid not.”

A valet opens the doors, but Justin helps me out. He presses his hand lightly to the small of my back and guides me inside.

The hotel is amazing. It’s nestled in the hills and so exclusive that I’ve never even heard of it. The reception desk is in its own building, and we walk across the Saltillo tiles to a set of French doors open in the back. There’s a tricked-up golf cart waiting for us. We get in and are whisked toward the event building. I spend the ride gaping in wonder at the grounds. Private bungalows are nestled away from the public areas but still close enough that guests can walk to the pool, the hiking trails, or any of the five-star restaurants that dot the premises.

The stucco event center sits beside a tennis court. It’s surrounded by birds of paradise and palm trees and suggests California in the twenties. The inside is less California traditional and more Beverly Hills money. The walls are light wood, the floor a polished stone. An inviting bar dominates one entire wall, and two others are lined with floor-to-ceiling windows that open out onto a stone patio with a massive fire pit. Gambling stations fill the space. From where we stand near the entrance, I can see roulette, craps, and blackjack.

Waiters mingle with trays of finger foods and drinks. Every corner is filled with clusters of people laughing, talking, gambling, and generally having a good time. A banner over the entrance reads: S.E.F.—FIVE YEARS, FIVE MILLION CHILDREN. AND GROWING.

“What is S.E.F.?” I ask Justin, but we’re moving again and he doesn’t hear me.

“Do you want to play?” he asks, stopping a woman in a Vegas-style outfit with a money changer.

“Sure. How does it work?”

“We buy the tokens and play for prizes. All the cash goes to the educational foundation.”

I glance up at him—I’m pretty sure I just figured out what the “S” stands for. “Stark Educational Foundation?”

“You’re a very bright woman, Ms. Fairchild.” He hands the girl two hundred dollar bills and she trades them out for tokens.

“I have a twenty in my purse.”

“And I won’t object if you spend it. It’s a very good cause. But we can start with these.” He hands me half the tokens. “Where to?”

Since I am terrible at blackjack and never learned how to play craps, I head to the roulette table.

“The lady feels lucky,” Justin says to the operator, a petite redheaded woman who looks to be barely sixteen.

“On your arm, Mr. Stark? I guess she is.”

As it turns out, it’s Justin who’s lucky. After half an hour, he’s quadrupled our money, despite the fact that I keep losing it. “I give up,” I say, taking a drink from a passing waitress. “Do you want to mingle?”

“Of course.” He takes my arm and we move away from the table and into the crowd.

“I think our dealer—is she called a dealer?”

“In the States, yes,” Justin says. “If we were in Paris, you could call her a croupier. What about her?”

“I think she has a bit of a crush on you.”

He pauses to look at me. “Does she? And why do you think that?”

“She kept looking at you. But don’t get any ideas. She’s far too young for you.”

“Actually, she’s older than she looks.”

I look up at him, surprised. “You really do know her?”

“Hell yes. She’s one of our most successful foundation recipients,” he says. “She grew up in a shithole of a town in Nevada with a mom who used the child-support check to buy meth. Now Debbie’s a freshman at UCLA majoring in chemistry.”

“That’s wonderful. What exactly does the foundation do?”

“We identify kids with an aptitude for science who, for whatever reason, aren’t able to access the opportunities. Most come from families like Debbie’s, but we have a few who are bound by their own circumstances. One young man is a quadriplegic. He thought his dream of college was over after the accident that left him paralyzed. He’s working on his Ph.D. from MIT now.”

I feel tears prick my eyes, and I lean over to kiss his cheek. “Excuse me,” I say, then slip away from him to one of the girls in the Vegas outfits and change my twenty dollars. It’s not much, but right then it’s everything.

Justin is smiling when I return. He says nothing, but he does take my hand and squeeze it.

We do the mingling party thing for a while, but then he pauses. “I see someone I’d like to speak with. Are you okay on your own for a few minutes?”

“I think I can tough it out,” I say. He brushes a kiss over my lips and I am left alone. I don’t mind, except that I don’t really know anybody. I glance around, searching for a familiar face, and am rewarded when I actually see one. Ollie. I take a step in that direction, only to see that he’s being intercepted by Justin.

A little knot of fear forms in my stomach. Why on earth would Justin want to talk to Ollie? I can think of no reason other than Ollie’s repeated mentions to me of his fear that Justin isn’t good for me and his hints that Justin has some serious skeletons in his closet. But I’ve never let on that Ollie’s mentioned that kind of stuff. Have I?

Suddenly I’m very afraid that I talk in my sleep.

I consider interrupting them, but that would be too neurotic, and so I force myself to turn in the opposite direction. I do, and am thankful to see another familiar face—Blaine. He sees me at the same time and holds out his arms. I slide into them and accept his vigorous hug.

“There she is, my favorite model.”

“You didn’t tell me you’d be here.” I tilt my head and glare. “Is Evelyn here? Is that why you looked so coy when I mentioned getting together with her?”

“Busted,” he says. He raises his hand and waves, and a moment later, Evelyn is by our side.

“I see her all the time,” Blaine says as he takes his leave of us. He winks at me. “All of her. You two talk.” He gives Evelyn a passionate kiss and, from the way she squeals, a little bit of a grope, too. Then he saunters off, Evelyn watching him go.

I start to speak, but Evelyn holds up her hand. “Hang on, Texas. I want to watch the view.” After a moment, his formal-wear-covered tush disappears in the crowd, and she turns to me with a sigh. “I’m almost sixty years old, and I’m only just now getting the best sex of my life. I swear, the universe isn’t fair.”

“Then again, maybe the universe is very good to you,” I say, and she laughs.

“Well, look who’s a glass-half-full kinda gal. You’re right, Texas. I like the way you think.”

I’ve never considered myself particularly optimistic, but maybe I am. Honestly, I really like this woman.

“I’ve been hearing nothing but good things about you, young lady,” she says. “Guess it was a rom-com, after all. Or are we talking NC-17?”

I feel my cheeks heat. “Could be,” I admit.

“Good for you. Hell, good for you both. That boy …” She shakes her head in an almost grandmotherly fashion.

“What?” I want to sit her down and demand she tell me everything she knows about Justin. Unfortunately, that kind of interrogation is generally considered uncool.

“I saw the way he kissed you just now. Gentle, but I swear he looked like he could eat you up.”

Her words are like cotton candy to me, sweet and delicious.

“He’s usually so closed off. It’s wonderful to see him opening up to you.”

“It is,” I say, even though I am completely clueless and desperately curious. Opening up to me? Hardly. I’m learning that Justin is closed even tighter than I’d thought. Considering how much I’ve exposed myself to him, I’m feeling a little bit sick to my stomach. I don’t show it though. Social Selena is in full form tonight. “He’s overcome so much,” I add, hoping she’ll respond with something that gives me a clue about the dark things in Justin’s past.

“Now you see what I meant by inscrutable.” She sighs. “It doesn’t matter that so much has been swept under the carpet. These things haunt you. How could they not?”

“I know,” I lie. What was swept away?

“See? That’s why I think you’re good for him. Hell, a year ago, you’d have to drag him to his own fund-raiser. Tonight he waltzed in here with you on his arm looking like he owns the world.”

“Well,” I say, “he pretty much does.”

“True. Shit, I’m not anywhere near drunk enough for tonight. Let’s go find one of those skinny bitches with the trays of drinks.”

si�����/