#thoughts.txt

[fillycolt]

rb for sample size :3

[atomicwrongs]

The thrilling sequel to "that's not body horror, that's just a regular injury": "that's not a 'fate worse than death', that's just ableism"

[transpat]

realizing that the lilac betting convo was them having three different conversations at once.

yoon jiwon who's been unsettled the whole week bc of seok jiwon's reappearance was now just totally and utterly humiliated bc seok jiwon witnessed her rejection and breakdown (actually going to talk about that in a separate post). if it isn't entirely obv btw the reason she was crying is actually seok jiwon.

(her whole line is 'i'm crying because these days...')

and then,

'To laugh at me?' obv seok jiwon hasn't even thought of that and probably can't add 2 and 2 together. but to yoon jiwon who was an over achiever in high school, always better than seok jiwon the only person she cared about being better than, and is then dumped wordlessly and cruelly by him, her current living situation compared to his are. embarrassing. she normally doesn't care being not that well off financially but again, this is seok jiwon. everything matters when it comes to him.

anyway, her saying 'he's ruining everything her grandfather worked for' is the only valid excuse she has to shit on this man now. there's so many things she wants to complain about, to scream at him about, but he just abandoned her, left without a word, never picked up a single one of her hundred calls and admitting she's anxious bc he came back would only further add to her humiliation.

insisting the lilacs won't bloom again is like saying, 'anything u touch will be doomed'.

seok jiwon on the other hand, is talking about their romance.

unlike yoon jiwon who's had zero contact w this guy for years and thus believes it'd be both mortifying and insane to still harbor feelings for the dude, hence her vehement denial in the consecutive eps, seok jiwon's seen her at her most miserable and vulnerable. it's why he's never been able to move on no matter how painful this is for him, why he's never been able to love any one else even thou yoon jiwon no longer wants him. in fact, him refusing to come back was precisely bc he knew his presence would only upset her, esp involved in a project that is already destroying her grandfather.

it's only when he's told she possibly forgot about him, that he abandons all reason and runs back. and to his relief—initially—she has not forgotten about him at all. no, rather he's come back to hear her say all of this instead.

(he never said he hated her.)

the lilac is barren, the lilac hasn't bloomed in years, the lilac is probably dead—there are no feelings between us, it's been way too many years, after everything that happened there's no way we'd ever fall in love again. that's what he's hearing.

this is also the girl who dumped him over a tiny little fight and refused to ever see him again no matter how many times he tried to reach out to her. this is also the girl he's still in love w. and he just heard her admit to liking someone else and then spit at the idea of them being together.

his words: 'it's not withered or dead', he still has feelings for her and since she feels so strongly about him, he's dying to know if there truly isn't any love in her opinion; 'this is the 5th year not the 40th', even if it's been almost two decades, it wasn't enough for him to forget about her, after what she did to him, was it that easy for her to move on or did she ever think about him, did she ever regret.

insisting the lilacs will bloom, is him trying to convince himself she still loves or still can love him.

and so the bet conditions:

she wants him gone from her life so she can stop feeling so pathetic and embarrassed about herself and her situation and her somehow persisting feelings for him. she loved him for so, so many years, that even if she's in denial now and thinks she isn't in love with him, seok jiwon's long become a part of her self. and she's convinced the only way she can evict him from her heart, is to evict him from her town first.

he wants to know, once and for all, if yoon jiwon truly truly hates him and will never hold an ounce of emotion towards him again. he needs to see for himself if yoon jiwon doesn't regret their breakup at all, if she's never thought of him in all those 18 years, if she really doesn't love him for all. it's the only way he'll be able to move on.

tldr; the lilacs convo was yoon jiwon's metaphoric way of saying seok jiwon ruins everything (she talks about her grandfather but means her heart) and seok jiwon's way of saying a love as deep as there's was can't die no matter how many years have passed and will bloom again, and the rest of the room only now realizing how fucking insane these both are.

p.s. maeng sua spends a lot of time joking about how jiwon must be confusing her feelings of affection for him as hatred and how hate and love are two sides of the same coin and blah blah blah, but it's only now that she realizes her jokes were on point and she looks scandalized.

she's seen yoon jiwon screaming and kicking at the man but this is what made her jaw drop.

and this is where she realizes that yoon jiwon becoming animated and childish and talkative and lively over the past week was bc she'd finally met someone who matched her freak.

she's the only one excited about the bet lol. funnily, she also stops joking about seok jiwon being her type after this and once she snuffs out gong minsu's feelings for yoon jiwon, she turns her flirty jokes on him instead.

[yorninghours]

i need to kiss someone soon or i'm going to explode

[theloudestdumbass]

[poorly1done-circuitry]

// > [ the brain is silly. ]

> [ speaking in terms of otherkin, and specifically how it applies to me, it's so intresting that you can be < multiple> hm? ]

> [ personally, I'm a techkin. I feel as if I am an ai piloting a faulty metal body. But other times I can < feel> limbs which shouldn't be there. Like growths on artificial flesh. ]

> [ it's a, confusing feeling. But intresting none the less. ] _

[creatureantics]

something about trigun just generates constant emotion for me like it doesn’t matter how many times i watch tristamp or reread trimax i react just as much each time

[chiidouinsara]

If we have to make the Danganronpa antagonist comparisons, can we at least admit kokichi/shin have more in common thematically and narratively and personality-wise than komaeda/shin. Please. I’d have an easier time listing all of the differences between them than I would similarities.

[sidebloggable]

Hey there! Hope you're doing okay. Just wanted to drop by to wish you well and tell you that I miss you (:

Waaaa thank you anon, you're sweet :>

I've just been handling some stuff, and being tired, and not having much drawing inspo, so the queue's been running a bit. I'm alright, though, just a little fatigued. I've also been putting my creative energy into things that are kinda hard to post about, like TTRPGs and my pokecrystal hack, as well as working on some art I owe from last year.

Here's some pics from the hack, though! Not too much interesting, but I've finished the pokedex, done 2 gyms, and added a fun bit of code for random literary puns when you examine a bookshelf!

[slowdripsunrise]

just kidding its not bedtime. i want to make a best of 2024 reads post but i have to update you all its been so long <- guy whos talking to herself over here. spoilers under the cut

lord okay lets see where we left off. meow.

the familiar by leigh bardugo !!!!! rated this one 5 stars, i can see how she lost some of her fans with this one as it didn't have as much magic as her other works do. but i thought the vibes were lovely and i'm always down for a waif of a male love interest. saw some people complaining that she's plagiarizing herself and copying the darkling and alina and well if she is i don't care because i never finished that series and probably never will. lol.

the fox wife by yangsze choo !!!!! oohhhhh the vibes. the snow. the grief. the silliness. ohhhhh my goodness. the characters !!!!!!!!!!! loved this one. 10/10 1000% recommend.

when among crows by veronica roth !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i haven't read anything by roth since i read divergent in maybe middle school. absolutely flabbergasted by the switch up because this was BEAUTIFUL. the setting was lush (as much as chicago can be lush) and rich and full of history and in such a short time i cared for all of the characters. the IMAGERY. of the knights literally ripping the swords from their backs. delicious. the very very very slight touch of romance and the heavier touch of yearning. also delicious. this is such a short book that i recommend to everyone even if you don't think you'll like it, took me less than a day to read. OUHGHGHGHG

the wild huntress by emily lloyd-jones !!!!!!! she did it again yall !!! fucked me up with this one i sure as hell was not expecting that . genuinely one of my favorite YA authors of all time. makes myths feel real and tangible and i was damn there in that forest. the concept is fascinating but familiar and well who doesn't love a little competition. the tragedy of knowing the best parts of you are gone. that you killed them. that the best parts of you were another person that is no longer there and well. okay i was rooting for a throuple there but the established qpr was in fact nice while it lasted and. okay note there is not actually an established in canon qpr but in my mind palace there is. anyway sorry just go read it. lol. its 2 am im tired.

summer sons by lee mandelo !!!!!! another lee mandelo book about fucked up gay people. thank you andrew for being the most repressed man alive and thank you sam for dealing with that. creeped me out because well i am a wimp but it was comforting also.

the whispering dark by kelly andrew !!!!! the second book in a row about a fucked up murderous teacher at a fucked up weird ass school. this one's just in boston not the american south. tbh i was listening to the audiobook and the accents weren't massachusetts enough for me so i turned it off but then i just kept reading lane's and colton's dialogue as blue and gansey. the vibes of those two were PALPABLE. bluesy you will find each other in every lifetime even if one of you is a fucked up demon thing. had fun.

your blood my bones by kelly andrew !!!!!!!!!!! slayed. another qpr/throuple where one of them dies. SAD! writing was gorgeous. imagery immaculate. this one i think was hyped a little bit too much for me to fully enjoy it bc i kept on waiting for something truly. truly insane to happen and well insane things did happen. and you know what they did make me insane. i don't know why i was about to complain i rated this 5 stars. i think the problem was i had just read the wild huntress which is a relatively similar sitch.... (3 people in love with each other in the woods and one of them dies) so it didn't like. blow my mind. but i still recommend.

thats it yall. now i just gotta find the jpegs for my 2024 favs post but that may be happening tomorrow. i sleep 🛏

[ghostofashina]

could messmer be one of the first manifestation of marika/radagon's truth - if he was one of her first children - and this is the main reason he was hidden and then he turn himself into heresy?

[fillycolt]

insects don't have lungs...2!

[atomicwrongs]

Itch.io has me by the throat . I see a charity bundle full of funny little ttrpgs and I pass out and wake up atop a pile of roll tables

[ferociousmilfpope]

Thinking about how Clorinde is nothing more than a glorified executioner. How her honor and skill are a veil so the people do not have to think about how they are rejoicing at the violent murder of a petty criminal, and get to pretend they are witnessing a fair and just retribution through the farce of a duel.

She seems like an honorable person. The kind of fighter that has accrued respect for life and bravery, that sees their fighting as an art. We know next to absolutely nothing about her, other than she's a doormat for Navia, and has deep respect and devotion to an ostensibly guilty man.

Another detail that is driving me crazy is that she was holding back against Childe during their duel. Nobody becomes champion duelist by holding back, so either she wanted to get it out of the way, or she has lost the joy in her craft.

Waiting like a MAD MAN for more lore on her...

[yorninghours]

do you think about me as much as i do you? do you hold a space for me in your mind and your heart?

[colombinna]

A lot of people learned the term 'social construct' and ran with it without taking even an hour to actually study and understand what it means. Just because something is a social construct it doesn't mean it doesn't exist, it only means that it's malleable and not rooted in anything biological, making it changeable and influenced by social contexts.

Take a simple example: Money is a social construct. That doesn't mean it doesn't exist and it doesn't hold a massive sway of influence over the lives of people in societies where money is present (just how it doesn't mean it isn't influenced by the societies where it's present in return). And while yes, it would be ideal for everyone to have equal access to it or even for it to be deemed unnecessary and completely abolished, it doesn't mean either of these things are happening or are anywhere near of happening in the world we live in right now - thus, we need to take it into account, with all the implications it brings depending on the context its inserted in, and we need to take into consideration all of those implications and the influences it has both present and historically.