In which a robot toddler is dropped off with its dragon grandpa
Link has had enough of the rude robot Scrapper, and decides to hand him over to Lanayru.
AO3
“So, Master Shortpants! Will you ever let me play with Mistress Fi, vrrm?”
Link sighs. “I told you, no! Now stop blabbing, we’re almost there!” He flies straight forward on Crimson, with Scrapper close by, over the vast sands of Lanayru Desert.
“Aww, that’s not fair, voo-weep! I can handle a sword just fine, you watch me!”
“I said no, Scrapper.” Ugh! Will this guy ever shut up?!
“Why not, zrrrbt!? Huh?? Am I not old enough or somethin’? Cause I know what I’m doin’! I—“
The Skyloftian glares at the robot. “No. I can’t trust you with a sword. You’ll chop someone’s head off! Or, you’ll drop it and lose it. That sword is too precious for child’s play. And that’s final.” He exhales loudly, relieved that the border of the desert is quickly approaching. A bit longer and he can drop Scrapper off with Lanayru…
“I hate you, Master Shortpants! You won’t let me do anything, zzzazt! You took Mistress Fi away from me! And she was the reason I carried all those stupid things for you, ker-dizzt!”
“Well, I’m sorry, okay?!” Link snaps back. “We’ve been over this!”
“Yeah, and I still hate you, bzzrt! You stink!”
Crimson speeds up a bit, apparently just as tired of the robot’s pointless ranting as the hero. Luckily, Link can make out Lanayru’s yellow robe in the clearing ahead. Just a little longer…
“What, you’re not gonna say anything now, krrboosh-CLANG?!” Scrapper laughs from behind. “Pathetic. There better be a dragon here soon, voo-weep!”
“He’s right there.” Thank Hylia. He doesn’t know how much longer he can stand this. Not only does Scrapper hate his guts already, the robot is also convinced he killed Fi despite many assurances otherwise.
“Wait, what do you mean, bzzzt?” Scrapper pauses before seemingly having noticed Lanayru. “Is that it? The big yellow thing, zrrm?!”
“Yes, that’s him.” They are close enough now that more of the Thunder Dragon’s features come into view. He’s sitting in his usual spot, arms folded across his chest.
“What is that thing, vrrt?! Ew! Is he going to eat me? Please, I don’t want to get eaten, zrrbt!”
“Shh!” Link whisper-shouts, eyes going wide. “Stop that, you idiot! He’ll hear you!”
Now directly over the clearing, he whistles to Crimson—the okay signal for a dismount—and jumps off the Loftwing, holding up his Sailcloth as he falls to slow his descent. He hears a frantic “WHAT ARE YOU DOING??” from Scrapper, who quickly follows.
“Don’t yell like that, I’m fine,” he replies, feet touching the grass. He ties the cloth around his waist as the robot lands next to him, and Lanayru greets him.
“Link! I was just thinking about you, boy! How’ve you been—“
Before the dragon can finish, Scrapper interrupts. “Wow, it’s even weirder close up, zzzrrt! It’s so chubby!”
Lanayru’s eyebrow furrows in confusion. Link gasps and claps a hand over Scrapper’s mouth, utterly horrified.
“Stop that! You do not treat dragon deities that way, do you understand me?! Where are your manners??”
The robot mutters something behind Link’s hand. And Lanayru…A hint of recognition appears in his eyes.
“Oh my Hylia…” The Thunder Dragon mutters. “Is that—?!”
Scrapper slaps Link’s hand away. “LD-301S Scrapper, at your service, voo-weep! Now tell me, what’s with that long beard?”
Link nudges the robot’s side, whispering “Stop it!” Then he glances up at Lanayru. “I must apologize…I believe he’s yours?”
The old dragon is speechless for a moment, holding his hands over his mouth. “I…” He pauses, lowering them and gaping at the flying robot. “…That’s my transport robot! I built it all those years ago…How could I have forgotten about you?” He grins at Scrapper. “Welcome home, little one. I never thought I would see you again!”
Ah, Lanayru built that thing, Link wonders, wishing for a moment that the dragon never had.
Scrapper flies up so he is just out of the hero’s reach. “Who the fuck are you, bzrrt?!”
“LANGUAGE!” shouts Link. Hylia above, where did he learn THAT word??
“Now, surely you haven’t forgotten me!” Lanayru chuckles deeply, folding his arms across his chest. “But perhaps, I didn’t make you capable of long-term memory like the others.” He sighs. “I was your Master Thunder Dragon. You used to carry things for me, and the other robots. But you took quite a liking to me, I recall.”
“Wait, hold on, vrrrrt! You do look a bit familiar…Oh! I might know your name! You’re named after some goddess out there or something, zrrat!”
The old dragon nods. “Yes, I’m Lanayru. After the goddess Nayru.”
“Lanayru, voo-weep!” Scrapper spins around in the air. “That’s fun to say! Lanayru! Lanayru! Ooh, I need a nickname for you, like I have with Master Shortpants!”
“Master what—?!“ The Thunder Dragon stares at the hero, who simply laughs.
“He’s got quite an attitude,” says Link. “I don’t know where he got it from, but it’s almost as if he was raised by the Water Dragon. He has no manners whatsoever, and it’s infuriating.”
Before Lanayru can respond, Scrapper shouts excitedly. “Ooh! I got it, bzzzt-CLANG! Master Chub-Chub! ‘Cause of that big belly, heehee!”
“Oh boy.” Lanayru sighs again. “No. You are not calling me that.”
“Awww, why not, vrrrpt? You’re no fun! Boring old dragon!” He turns around to glare at Link, presumably for taking him here. The Skyloftian ignores the robot and focuses on the Thunder Dragon.
“Please, Lanayru,” he begs in frustration. “Just take him. I can’t do this.”
“He’s bothering you, I see? My deepest apologies, boy. I will take him off your hands.”
“Oh, thank you.” Link sighs with relief. Thank Hylia, thank Farore, thank them all!
But Scrapper, unfortunately, is too stubborn. “Master Shortpants, you can’t leave me here, vrrrt! It’s weird over here, zrrrbt! There’s nothing to do! And this weirdly familiar dragon is ugly, voo-weep!”
“That’s enough!” Lanayru scolds, throwing his hands in the air. “Don’t you know how to treat your own creator?! Unacceptable! I taught you better than this!”
Link winces, hoping the old dragon hasn’t just changed his mind with the frustration in his words. Where did he get this attitude anyway?, he wonders, staring at Scrapper who spins around impatiently.
“I’m sorry,” he tells Lanayru, “I know I’m asking a lot of you, but…”
“Oh, please. He’s one of mine, you think I would turn him down? Sure, this one’s nothing short of a nuisance, but it’s really nothing I can’t handle.” The Thunder Dragon pauses as Scrapper suddenly flies past Link and toward the dense gathering of trees. “Hey! Scrapper, where are you going?! You get back here!”
The Skyloftian giggles. Just like a fucking toddler. But Lanayru’s face lights up, and Link turns to see several other LD-301 robots emerge to meet Scrapper. Oh, whew. At the very least this may give the stubborn robot a reason to stay, and not follow Link back reluctantly like a whiny remlit.
“Well, let’s hope he gets along with them,” says the hero, as the robots mutter amongst themselves. “And you…do you think he’ll ever remember you?”
Lanayru shrugs. “Perhaps. You never know with robots like him. Although, I’m hoping he does. Then he’ll show respect to me, instead of that ridiculous nickname he just used. Hoo boy…” He lets out a long sigh. “301S has always been a handful. Even back then.”
“Oh, I bet. You know…there is one thing I would like to bring up with you. He, uh…” Link gulps and gazes hesitantly at a waiting Lanayru. “Well, he’s been in ‘love’ with my sword.”
The Thunder Dragon throws his head back in a bellowing laugh. “I—I’m sorry, what?!”
“Yeah, it’s more of the spirit that used to—“
“Hey! Bzzzrt, I heard that!” Scrapper quickly flies back up to them, staying closer to Lanayru this time. Another robot follows through the grass. Oh shit…oops.
“What are you two doin’, talking about me behind my back, zzzzazt?! I’ll have you know Mistress Fi was the most beautiful thing I’ve laid my eye on, vrrrrt!”
Lanayru chuckles, having seemingly understood upon hearing Fi’s name. “Well…okay? How peculiar, Scrapper.”
“Yeah, and she’s gone now, voo-weep! She’s in the sword forever…And I wanted to play with it, zrrrbt!” The robot angrily points at Link. “But this meanie-pants over here said no!”
Link doesn’t bother to argue anymore, scowling teasingly instead. He doesn’t know how many times they’ve been over this already.
“Hey, knock that off.” Lanayru frowns at Scrapper. “You do not treat the chosen hero that way! And he’s right, I won’t let you handle a sword like that. It could seriously hurt someone when used carelessly.” The old dragon folds his arms across his chest. “Are we clear?”
At first the robot says nothing, while Lanayru raises an eyebrow in anticipation. But then he briefly bows forward, out of what looks like respect to his creator.
“Yes, Master Thunder Dragon, bzzzrt!”
Link sighs with relief. It seems that Scrapper is finally remembering after all.
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