#tiny heisters

[biframes]

I absolutely adore the tiny heisters I need more of them they are so precious I just wanna hold them

You are too sweet! Thank you!

[i-willstealyourtoes]

MASTERPOST TIME WULULULU-

(Main page (rules, fandom list, extra info))

💗 is multishots / 💝 is oneshots / 💌 is headcanons

💕 is fluff / 💔 is angst / ❣️ is lime / 💋 is smut

💞 is poly / 💘 is match-up / 🤍 is not an x-reader / 🩵 is platonic

orange means it is being worked on / red means it is in my inbox

TF2

Touch starved!Sniper with s/o - 💕 + 💌

Scout with introverted s/o - 💌 + 💕

Engineer with chronically ill s/o - 💌 + 💕

Heavy, Engineer and Medic with an s/o with night terrors - 💌 + 💕

Medic finds out crush is an alien - 💕 + 💌

Sniper + Wildlife anon - 💕 + 💘/💌

LGBTQ headcanons - 💌/🤍

Trans Scout - 💌/🤍

RED!Mercs with Pacifist!Medic!BLU!Reader - 💕/🩵 + 💌

Sniper only connecting with the reader - 💕 + 💌

PAYDAY 2

Dallas with a male crush - 💕 + 💌

Wolf with shy!male!reader - 💕 + 💌

Dallas with small!fem!sniper!S/o - 💌 + 💕

Hoxton x Wolf x reader - 💌 + 💞 + 💕

OG gang post-ending - 💌/🤍 + 💔

Dallas with a Medic s/o - 💌 + 💕

Houston + Hoxton flustering their s/o - ❣️ + 💞+ 💌

Wolf with a male s/o - 💕 + 💌

Bain, Houston, Sokol and Dallas with shy/cute/sensitive (fem) reader - 💌 + 💕

Clover, Bonnie, Bodhi + Dragan grieving their s/o - 💌 + 💔

Sokol + Jacket with (male) s/o watching (bad horror) movies - 💌 + 💕 + 💞

Hoxton with crush that's a (nice) guard - 💌 + 💕

Bain + Heisters with a cuddly s/o - 💌 + 💕

Sokol, Hoxton + Bain with hypersensitive s/o - 💌 + (slight) 💔 + 💞

Jacket, Jimmy, Houston + Hoxton with innocent s/o - 💌 + 💕 + ❣️

Houston + Hoxton with mediator/s/o who breaks up their fights - 💌 + 💕

Bain with his crush - 💌 + 💕

Dallas with younger/silly s/o - 💌 + 💕

Jacket, Hoxton, Sokol + Bain with s/o who's an 'over-achiever' - 💌 + 💕

Dallas, Hoxton, Houston + Wolf with hurt s/o - 💌 + 💕

Houston with tiny s/o - 💌 + 💞

Dallas + Houston catching their s/o singing - 💌 + 💕

Jacket with s/o 'sharing a bed' - 💝 + 💕

Hoxton with s/o 'no strings attached' (I hate this one sm bc it's old and cringe) - 💌 + 💔 + ❣️

Joy with fem!S/o who is depressed - 💕 + 💌

Sleeping Dogs

Wei with s/o helping him with his grief - 💌 + 💔 + 💕

Wei, Jackie + Winston and their s/o - 💌 + 💕

Wei with s/o who's cousins with Dogeyes - 💌 + 💔 + 💕

BBC Ghosts

Thomas with best friend/crush reader - 💌 + 💔 + 💕

Clone Wars/The Bad Batch

Crosshair + Hunter with the same crush (Mafia AU) - 💌 + 💕

Demon Crosshair with a crush that's an Angel (AU) - 💌 + (slight) 💔 + 💕

Hunter with caretaker!Reader - 💕 + 💌

Ninjago

Ninjas with angry sibling reader - 💌

Star Wars: Rebels

(There's nothing yet)

Faith: The Unholy Trinity

(There's nothing yet)

Detroit: Become Human

(There's nothing yet)

HLVRAI

(There's nothing yet)

Henry Stickmin Collection

(There's nothing yet)

Yandere simulator

(There's nothing yet)

Minecraft: Story Mode

(There's nothing yet)

Sons of the Forest

(There's nothing yet)

Undertale

(There's nothing yet)

[itstimewehavesomesoliddick]

I remember when the gameplay trailer for payday 3 came out you kinda vague posted about disliking it, did you ever elaborate on what you disliked?

@metalgeara-10cii-arc-210 sorry for the delay but here it is

Basically I've seen footage of the beta since then and some things aren't as bad as I thought but I still see a lot being wrong with it, some of my thoughts about it are below (tl;dr at the bottom)

The UI is worse, they had a perfect coop hud in payday 2, all it needed was to fit indicators for some of the new mechanics and it would have been fine, now you have to play a guessing game of which health bar is yours while going cross eyes because all you ammo and equipment stats are on the other side of the screen, and they got rid of the interaction circle for some reason, so instead of having a very clear indicator of how long an action takes, now you have to squint to look at a tiny square filling up (also they added a crosshair for filthy casuals)

I still have gripes with the gazillion particle effects on some things because unreal engine move, especially the grenades, turns out the flashbang also blinds you by making you not know what the fuck you're looking at thanks to patented Nvidia PhysX™ drivers

I still hate the new look of all the characters, heisters look unnaturally lanky (and the devs getting rid of the suits as the default outfit), all the SWAT guys look the same, all blue uniform black tacticool gear, which is a big departure from 2 where you could always easily tell SWAT tiers and types apart (even on normal the heavy SWATs had a distinctive white helmet and yellow shoulder pads), plus the new special enemy designs sucks, the bulldozer went from a bulky green (or full black) EOD guy that easily stood out in a crowd to basically a blue SWAT guy but bulkier, the Taser went from having a different silhouette and color palette to just another blue SWAT with a couple of yellow bits glued on him, the new grenadier is the same, same base color, just muted red bit, a gasmask (same color as balaclavas) and grenades on his chest to tell him apart, they also made the cloaker go from a stealthy ambusher that punished going around alone and rewarded watching your teammates' backs to a fast walljumping ninja

I also hate the new look of equipment, in the first two game all your equipment had this jury-rigged-with-hardware-store-parts look, medic bags were just that, a bag filled with pharmacy first aid supplies, the ammo bag was a bag full of gun store ammo boxes (before being a rucksack full of magazines), the old look of the turrets was and MP5 rigged to a raspberry pi with 2 motors inside of a tool case, now we have this futuristic self deploying milspec futuristic turret, or clean cases of kevlar plates, it really took away quite a bit of the aesthetic (like how the first hideout was a laundromat's basement)

Then there's mechanics like being able to shoot through a shield's viewport, which completely nullifies their purpose of rewarding teamplay by making someone need to flank them, and they're completely cheapened as an obstacle since you can just slide to stagger them (instead of breaking your leg by sliding on asphalt into a level 4 shield being held by SWAT operator wearing 30 pounds of gear), besides we already had an enemy invincible from the front unless you took an accurate shot, it was call a tan SWAT

Speaking of sliding, there's all the trend chasing flavor of the year mechanics, the sliding being one of them, there's the power meter that you fill with kills they stole from RAID:WW2 so you can pull a more powerful weapon out of your ass, sure some weapons in payday 2 were silly like that, but grenade launchers were usually balanced out by a poor ammo economy

Also now your armor doesn't automatically regenerate apparently (unless I'm getting this wrong), I really don't see the point of having two healthbars that don't regenerate on their own, I always thought the point of it was to allow you to pop out of cover and to reward some risk, now I don't know what they're trying to do

I'm also not a fan of the new skills system, basically they replaced the old one, which promoted teamplay with different trees/roles all bringing different things that helped the team, now it's closer to an ARPG, with 3 different effects that trigger buffs depending on conditions, effects that can stack and chain together etc, it's all very min-max-y, because ARPG mechanics is exactly what I wanted in my Heat (1995) simulator

Speaking of trend chasing, they seem to be copying the Modern Warfare reboots for this one, by both having the same tacticool animations as everyone else (especially the grenade throw) and by making the guns wildly shake from left to right because that's how recoil works apparently

Another domain they're emulating the MW reboot in is the sound, with guns that sound muffled and completely lack punch and bass like a sewing machine, whereas Payday 2's weapons sounded great, this might be due to Simon Viklund leaving, which also brings me to my next point:

No Bain = no buy, I know Simon hated doing the voice, and I'd have easily settled for Locke, but instead of a professional, experienced criminal mastermind or an Afrikaner veteran mercenary, we now have an irritating, sarcastic, quippy, annoying mission control

This also applies to the music, half of Payday was the fantastic soundtrack by Viklund and with him gone, I'm not sure I want to hear whatever they replaced him with

After audible pain, I can talk about a visual one, and the fact that even in the beta there's also eyepopping oversaturated CS:GO tier weapon skins plus weapon charms and stickers, which also shows their priority, I hated the weapon skins in Payday 2 since day 1, 95% of them looked terrible and I don't expect it to get any better, which also brings me to my final point

When I saw the menus for Payday 3, it was clear to me that they wouldn't be caught lacking a second time monetization wise. When Payday 2 released, it was never meant to have weapon skins or purchasable outfits, and those menus reflected that, but not in Payday 3, everything is already ready for it to be a live service game with all the gazillion DLC cosmetics you could imagine, the menus are all already set up to be filled with purchasable items down the line, leaks already showed "payday credits" so I have a feeling that we're already headed down microtransaction road, even with the cope of "muh it's just for cosmetics!", especially knowing their publisher Starbreeze (the same one that made them break their promise of never putting in microtransations in 2, they made that promise for the last game, yet now they're already implementing the framework for them before it got out of the beta)

TL;DR: Just like in many other cases, Payday started out as an indie franchise with a unique and interesting premise, then the sequel got popular and monetized, the studio grew, and now the latest entry is nearly unrecognizable from the original, completely diluted by time and the core studio founders leaving, they used to be a stone standing out of the river, now time has made them a grain of sand going with the current

Payday went from Heat (1995): The Videogame to Just Another Modern Shooter (Cops & Robbers flavor)

I might end up getting it much later down the line but I'll be real with you, I loved Payday since 1, I slowly watched it move further and further away from what it was and for this one, I'm not hyped at all

[dearest-painter]

poor reader trying to balance all their time with all 20 of the payday gang + bain.. i imagine theyd be given a cellphone with all their numbers + a tracker placed by bain. plus i think aldstone and all the contractors would take a liking to reader as well! = their phone blowing up 24/7. this idea is living in my head rent free lol, i think learning how to play poker from bonnie or sydney designing a special mask for reader sounds so cute! they would probs draw sticks to see who can go on a stealth mission with reader. how'd you think they would react if reader got hurt on the job??

If Reader got hurt on the job all hells coming lose. Anyone whose doing the heist immediately goes insane while the more professional one takes care of Reader. The others are bashing and killing the cops with such anger they’ve never seen. After the heist Bain gets their doctor to check Reader because their all worried. After that they won’t be allowed to go on a few heist until everyone is calmed but they still get a paycheck because they deserve their fucking paycheck.

Now for the phone part,yeah it’s blowing up a lot to the point Reader has it on do not disturb 24/7 at this point. Bain literally has to tell everyone chill the fuck out with the text and calls because it’s getting annoying plus Reader’s about to block all of them even though Reader knows they’ll make another number. It calms down but it’s still blowing up a bit but much calmer. Jacket uses this to talk to reader every day. I feel like Jacket is probably Reader’s favorite because he gives them a fresh breath of air with suffocating them. Reader’s phone is hella decorated with stickers that represent all of them,few of them sharing a sticker.

The drawing stick park is right,Bain keeps track but also uses it to keep the heisters to behave. If they misbehave or make them lose money they get a tally off but if they behave and don’t make them lose money they get a tally on. By the end of the week the people with the most tallies get to go on a stealth mission with Reader. Usually ends up being Wolf,Jacket,and Jiro but that’s because their actually fucking calm and don’t go insane. They all rub it into the others faces that they got to go on a stealth mission with Reader. Basically stealth mission with Reader = heaven to the heisters.

Now yeah Bonnie and Sydney taught Reader how to play poker. They also taught Reader to cheat at poker without getting caught. When they all play Poker Reader always wins because of this,also Reader’s poker face is the best because I feel like they always wear a mouth mask with different smiley faces or mouths while their eyes just look so done with idk just thought of that. Yet if it’s Bonnie,Sydney and Reader playing against each other it’s a LONG game. They all know each others techniques and habits. It takes HOURS for them to finish just one round. With those three playing any of them can win because no one is going easy,if one goes to the rest room they take their cards because they don’t trust the others. Bain often has to tell them to stop it because Reader needs sleep but Reader just brushes him off and says “trust me a few days without sleep ain’t nothing like a week without sleep. SYDNEY/BONNIE HURRY YOUR ASS!” Reader becomes so hostile and rude but determined during poker. Their silent but when they talk they are cussing or trash talking the others because they want to win.

Now the mask Bonnie and Sydney made it because Reader’s original one was just a blank with one with a smile face. They made it to Reader’s liking and added their initials very tiny on it,like it’s hidden tiny! Reader probably has a ton because everyone wanted to make them one but Reader mostly wears Bonnie and Sydney’s mask because it’s like their face in a way. It’s like how glasses feel like you’ve been born with them that’s how Reader feels with their mask. Bain made them a special one but they mostly wear that one for stealth mission. They wear the other mask it’s just mostly Bonnie and Sydney’s mask which the two girls rub it in the others faces.

[velathetanager]

Random BS AU

A bag that somewhat resembles a cash bag appears outside the safehouse door. After checking it for explosives and other such things, the heisters bring it in. What’s in the bag? Not cash. Not gold bars. Not cocaine. Not anything of value. Just tiny ragdoll versions of the heisters. There’s a moment of confusion as the Gang talks about WTF they’re looking at- and then the dolls start moving. They come out of the bag and start speaking gibberish, hugging the heister they happen to resemble. Confusion, panic, an attempted murder, and the dolls being tossed into the attic with some miniature furnishings ensue. If y’all like this (and reblog it w/ commentary), I’ll expand on this.

[noodyl-blasstal]

Ugh there's too many options from the prompt list that I want to choose!! D:

Okay, how about 10 with... Taako and Lucretia?

“I’m actually not into art at all, me and my friends just started going to art exhibitions as an excuse to dress fancy and eat our weight in cheese cubes but. I'm staring at this piece and feeling something stir in my cold dark soul and I could have played it off as an ironic joke if you didn’t catch me having emotions about your art”

Prompt from @juicywritinghoard Prompts for Fun and Profit which can be found by clicking here.  (Still taking requests if you have them!)

Look, when I tell you I had so much fun writing this, I truly mean it. Thank you so much for the request!

______________

Lucretia whooped as Magnus ran down the street. It wasn’t often that she was willing to let him piggyback her, but her feet were already sore from her ridiculous fancy shoes and they hadn’t even convened for Cheese Heist 5: A Good Day to Eat Cheese yet. Dav and Kravitz had texted to say they were nearly there so they definitely needed to pick up the pace.

“On Magnus, on!” Lucretia shouted, glancing at her map app. This was a well practiced system, shoulder taps kept him on track. He jogged faster and guwaffed, loud and happy. Lucretia would never get over how much joy he took from lugging people about.

As they approached the venue for tonight’s art show, Lucretia tapped Magnus on the head to slow him to a stop. She dropped as gracefully as possible to the floor.

“Okay, fancy bitches disguise time. Want me to do your tie?” Lucretia fussed with her skirt until it hung properly, and reached up to make sure Magnus could pass muster too. He grumbled, but even agreed to keep his jacket on for the first thirty minutes. That was about the best they could hope for, cheese was a great motivator.

Once he had tucked his tie Magnus offered his arm to her. “M’lady.”

“Magnus!” Lucretia glared hard.

“I’m sorry, it was funny in my head.” He shrugged, and Lucretia rolled her eyes, taking his elbow, and turning the final corner to the McElroy Institute. She fought the impulse to wave too uproariously at the fellow heisters, instead nodding her head as they approached.

“Captain Davenport, The Right Honourable Kravitz, so wonderful to see you both!” Lucretia gave a tight smile - her best impression of the ones she’d witnessed all too often since they started attending these events.

“Flavia! How have you been? So splendid to see you here!” Kravitz was inexplicably English tonight and Lucretia couldn’t control the loud snort she emitted on hearing his accent.

“Wait, hold up, what’s my thing?” Asked Magnus in a low voice. “Dav gets to be a pilot, Krav’s apparently British now, Lucretia you’ve got your whole sommelier situation, I want a thing!”

“You’ve just got to let it happen Magnus, it’ll come to you in time, don’t rush it.” Davenport sounded so earnest that Lucretia couldn’t help another tiny snort. She loved these dinguses.

The four of them swept into the gallery as a unit. With each heist they become more comfortable. The heists had started because Kravitz and Davenport's complaints about not getting to wear their fancy boy suits enough had coincided with an advert for an art gallery opening. Art stuff with fancy people? They could go wild. Once he understood the cheese aspect, Magnus was sold too. He had one suit and a variety of sleeveless shirts, but a quick mission to the charity shop left him with a serviceable outfit. Lucretia hadn’t been excited about the fancy duds, she had plenty of those for work, and trying to keep those things steamed was a pain, but it was a treat to be 'off duty'. The sommelier bit had stemmed from annoyance initially - a man wouldn’t shut up about his extensive knowledge of wine, so she decided to just make up any old bullshit and see if he noticed. Before long, he was talking about how he could definitely also taste leather, and swilling his wine so aggressively that he spilled it on himself because she told him he needed to really shake it to release the tannins. The bit was too good to immediately retire, so from then on Lucretia was Flavia Arbuckle: Sommelier Extraordinaire.

“Okay, it’s nearly go time…” She kept her voice low and glanced around quickly. Satisfied that the coast was clear, “…hands in!”

They all quickly placed their hands together and chanted the obligatory: “3, 2, 1, cheese heist!”

Tonight had the feeling of a good one. Cheese Heist 2: Cheese Harder had taught them that the type of exhibition they chose was important. Minimal speeches, a large and varied guest list, and a location far enough away that they were unlikely to run into too many people they knew were key. The main skill was working the crowd just enough that they weren’t constantly by the buffet while remaining close enough to notice whenever the most choice snacks were refreshed. Magnus started bringing the bags for Cheese Heist 3: Cheese Heist with a Vengeance, they’d managed to grab enough between them that it kept them in cheese for another two weeks. The McElroy institute was the fanciest place they’d hit so far, but they were professionals and a fancy place meant fancy food. In fact, the poster had specifically talked about the buffet and tickets were free, so they hadn't thought twice.

Lucretia gave the boys one last smile and disappeared into the crowd, already searching for the buffet table. She didn’t have to look for long - the table acted as a centrepiece standing in the middle of the atrium and spanning a large chunk of the wide hall. At first she hesitated, the charcuterie displayed so beautifully that she was worried it was one of the installations, but other guests were already digging in without reverence so she sidled closer to check out her marks. There was a vintage cheddar she could see the salt crystals in, manchego, burrata, butterkäse, and a soft looking goat’s cheese too! So far, so good. This was much better than the usual cubes, and there were accompaniments too. She scanned over the various crackers, cashews, grapes, apple slices, pomegranate, and gods honest fresh honeycomb. Dav was going to be pleased, they’d hit the jackpot tonight.

First plate filled, she cast her eyes around the atrium, no longer laser focused on the buffet. The table was the centrepiece, but various art instalments branched off from the main open space. The art would probably be as un-relatable as usual, but it didn't look like anyone else had branched off yet, so at least she could eat in private. Picking a random installation she strode forward, only to be scuppered by a hand grabbing her elbow and rudely spinning her round.

“Flavia! So nice to see you here!” The man said. Lucretia fought the impulse to tell him off for grabbing her, she couldn’t afford to draw attention to herself right now.

“Jenkins.” She forced her mouth to twitch up at the corner, that was about the closest to a smile he was getting.

“Did you enjoy the wine I recommended?” She asked, genuinely intrigued to see if he’d bothered to look for the Big Red Pecker she’d invented two Cheese Heists ago.

“Oh yes!” He replied without missing a beat. “You really could taste the rhubarb and smoke, just like you said. It was such an evocative pairing.” Jenkins nodded. Lucretia barely resisted the impulse to laugh.

“I’m so glad you liked it. Not many people can handle the texture.” She wondered exactly how far she could push him.

“Well, I could see how it would be challenging for some people, but I have a very advanced palette.” Jenkins looked insufferably smug. “I was actually going to ask if you’d like to share a bottle with me some…” He began.

“Oh no, I see my friend waving for me, I’m so sorry, I must go!” Lucretia interrupted, then walked quickly away before Jenkins could reply. She beelined towards a large group, passed through them, and then bobbed and weaved through a few more to be sure she was safe. It took her near to the entrance of an instalment labelled: ‘Tia’s Kitchen’ the description didn’t contain the usual waffle about the meaning of life and symbolism. It just read ‘My childhood - Taako Tacco’. No one else looked to be in here right now, so Lucretia walked in.

She sat down on the large and well worn wooden bench and started to work her way through the cheese feast. This stuff was really choice, she was glad Magnus had the bags. They needed to find out who organised this buffet and only hit up their events in future. Too soon, her plate was empty, she licked her finger and dabbed up as many crumbs as possible, then sighed contently and sat back. It was probably too soon to go back already, she'd have to kill some time. At least it was cosy in here. The room really did just look like a kitchen, although she wasn’t sure if that counted as art… well, not until she got closer. Instead of something from a showroom, this was a well worn kitchen. The wooden butcher’s block work surfaces were uneven and bore cuts and scrapes from what must have been years of use. The hob was scrubbed clean, but the lines in the metal from scouring brushes could be seen. The pans hanging above it were cast iron and well seasoned, slightly bashed out of shape, and clearly ancient. She ran a hand absently over the worktop and couldn’t help but think of Miss Myrtle’s kitchen, learning to make okra gumbo, grits, and hoppin’ John. This kitchen wasn’t flashy, some of the drawers were missing handles, and the utensils were warped and dented from years of tapping the sides of pans or being soaked too long. It wasn't clinical, not some perfect idealised thing, this kitchen was home. She sat back down on the bench and felt the wood underneath her hands, grounding herself there. She took her time and breathed deeply, picking up the faint spices laced into the fabric of the place, the linseed oil on the wood, and garlic from the woven dried bunch on the counter. The wave of wistfulness which washed over her was surprising - she hadn’t ever wanted to be a child again, it was bad enough the first time round, but just for a moment here, she wanted to be back in Miss Myrtle’s kitchen learning about her history and how to cook nutritious and cheap all at once.

“So this one put you to sleep?” A teasing voice asked. Lucretia snapped her eyes open, worried to have been found looking so out of sorts. “Oooooh, fuck, you’re crying.” A man with curly blonde hair, a sub nose, and warm brown skin approached her looking vaguely alarmed. He wore a blousey shirt, tight pants, and pirate boots. An outfit which Kravitz would definitely appreciate the drama of… and the man in it if she was any judge of these things.

“No!” She replied quickly. “I was just appreciating it.”

“No, I was just… appreciating it.” She sniffed loudly and looked away to blink a few times and ensure there were no remnants of emotion on her face.

“Right, you’re an all five sense kind of art appreciator. Got it. Sniff many paintings?” The man walked over and curled himself lazily onto the bench beside her.

Lucretia wasn’t entirely sure what to do with this, how did she even start to reply? He was talking again before she had time to formulate a response. “I don’t sniff art!” Lucretia realised that denial after such a delay was only going to make her sound more guilty.

“Wow, you really do sniff art.” The man looked overjoyed. “My brother in law would love you, he’s always doing weird shit.”

“That’s different” Lucretia wasn’t used to feeling on the back foot like this. She didn’t even enjoy art much, she certainly didn’t go around smelling it!!

“Art sniffer.” The man coughed out. Lucretia narrowed her eyes at him, but he innocently batted his back. “Just a cough.” He grinned. “So, you come to many of these things? How does it compare? I’m new to it.”

This felt like safer territory. Lucretia could easily waffle about this stuff, so she did. She talked about the other shows they’d been to recently, said some generic bullshit about them being esoteric and challenging, didn’t mention the cheese. The man nodded a lot.

“So what about this one? Is it challengingly esoteric, or esoterically challenging?” He asked.

Despite his teasing tone, it felt disingenuous to just say something generic about it.

“It’s warm.” Was the best descriptor she had.

He considered this for a moment, and nodded. “I like that. Warm. I’ll put it on the press packet.”

Lucretia’s brow furrowed in confusion, the man just smiled. “Taako, pleased to meet you.” He held out his hand.

“As in, you made this instalment, Taako?” Lucretia choked out.

“That’s chaboy!” He looked pleased with himself. “I’ve never seen anyone sniffing my stuff before, but there’s a first for everything. I also enjoyed watching you and the guy without sleeves go ham on the buffet. I put a lot of work into it. He definitely doesn’t seem the type to be here, he your boyfriend? You drag him along to eat cheese while you smelled the work?”

“Fuck off.” Lucretia replied, elegantly.

Taako raised an eyebrow.

She absolutely refused to have someone believe she was straight. “Look, we’re not into art, my friends and I, we just started going to art exhibitions as an excuse to dress fancy and eat our weight in cheese cubes.” She paused, then added. “But your art, your art did things to me, alright? Usually it’s all just weird bullshit, but this? Hot diggety shit, this is real.” Lucretia should probably have stopped talking a while ago… “… oh, and if you didn’t want it to be sniffed then you shouldn’t have added all the smells in.”

Taako laughed uproariously. “You come to these things to steal cheese?”

“We heist cheese, thank you very much.” Lucretia wasn’t sure why it sounded better that way, but it sounded better that way.

“Cheese heist…” Taako looked pensive.

“Okay. I need to meet your fellow co-conspirators? Everyone else at these things is dull as fuck and cha'boy is sick of it.” Taako got to his feet.

Lucretia considered it for a moment. It was probably unwise to reveal everything, especially to someone who was involved in the organisation and knew they weren't going to drop any money on the art. But they also definitely needed to get to know the man behind the cheese, she was certain the others would be just as enthusiastic about the spread. They'd understand. She nodded. “I’ll see if I can find them. I think you’ll like Kravitz… He’s English tonight.”

[remindish]

who was your most spontaneously designed oc?

Earlier this year, I sat down with buds to watch a fun little anime by the name of Mobile Fighter Gundam G.

I admit, I always had a tiny bit of interest in mecha work, but never fully delved into it - be it out of wanting to find a better time to try it out, a clueless struggle of picking the right entrypoint that tickles my interest (Something like Mechwarrior really isn't anything akin to the likes of Evangelion, or even Gundam shows having entirely different theming!).

The closest I had to breaching that (now understandable brittle) wall of entry to the wonders of "giant mecha doing absurdly cool shit" was a Lancer campaign I decided to host with friends! The campaign was unfortunately short-lived, though everyone had a really fun time with the different characters and missions!

One of the notable characters was this gal, specifically: Nei'Vigna Saleint.

She spawned literally over the course of a restless night, was made specifically to be a terrifying rival to the group, and unfortunately never got to do insanely cool moves with her mech frame. Well, besides giving the players a heart-attack in the first mission and killing a grunt and only barely leaving the other to make it out alive (said surviving Grunt ended up being a cool guy called Buddy, very unique I know).

Anyway, she was kinda left behind for a bit, up until my friends and I went through G Gundam. Needless to say, I got so fired up over mecha media (to the point I'm a good ways through the Armored Core games and want to watch more mecha shows), that I entirely fleshed her out with a backstory and origin on a colony within the moon of Phobos, a lengthy backstory and setup as to being a heister on the run after stealing her parent's mech back, and is now my key "mech pilot" OC for the meantime.

All in the span of about... two nights.

Alta still remains as the whole "fighter jet pilot" deal, but they still differ in various ways: Alta is in a rival/antagonist role and has more of a seething/scathing kind of emotional toil, while Nei'Vigna is a protag with a very open emotional state, clearly having more of a burning hatred to supplement her hot-headedness.

(this is a cute addition, @rivriderart is responsible for killing me)

[roses-ruby]

Maybe you deserve some rights for liking Money Heist

looks like you’ve finally acquired some TASTE and I’m here for it 

[rabdoidal]

Honorable Judge rabdoidal, I have a D&D Court submission. Well, it’s more like I’m looking for DM advice but I figured I’d take advantage of this opportunity. Soon, I will be running a short mini campaign, 3 or 4 sessions, for my group while our regular DM takes a break and joins as a player. The campaign is centered around a heist, so I was wondering if you had any general advice? Specifically, how can I introduce social situations and other encounters for players who may not be good at or want to engage in the theft, infiltration, and combat scenarios?

Thanks in advance!

Great question, and one that is so hard to answer!

First off, if you haven't watched Dimension 20's Tiny Heist, definitely do that - Brennan managed to really wonderfully balance how heisting can work in 5e. The first ep is up on YouTube here.

If you want to incentivise, more generally, players roleplaying with NPCs (a lot of people struggle to roleplay of their own volition), then offering things like DM inspiration (a d6 to their next roll) or advantage on particular checks after they talk to an NPC. Also, just making NPCs goofy or weird or have a silly voice helps cut the tension a lot and make conversation easier - give the NPCs one weird ass character trait and the players will at least be curious.

If you want, more specifically, for social interactions to have as much importance/weight to it as the physical aspects of the heist, here's some ideas:

The longer your charismatic PCs are keeping people distracted successfully, the longer your dexterous PCs have to crack the safe. Think of it like death saves - for each round your charisma PCs make a successful performance/persuasion/deception check, your safecrackers also get a round at making a sleight of hand check. If your charisma PCs fail the DC, the safecrackers get disadvantage on their check as they have to rush themselves. The players have to get 3 successful charisma and dexterity checks before 3 fails to get the safe open without guards noticing - the charisma and dexterity checks don't have to line up 1:1, but both need to get 3 wins.

The safecrackers get to the safe but instead of a combination, its a bunch of password locks all based on personal information about your target. Your charisma PCs have to ask subtly ask questions of the person/people you're robbing in order to get the correct password information (things like "first pet" or "mothers maiden name" a great starting points).

Your charisma PCs are doing their best to stay hidden and monitor the NPCs, but they catch wind of something happening on a different floor of the building: someone else is trying to rob the guy you guys are already robbing. Your charisma PCs need to simultaneously stay on lookout and convince the other heisters not to go through with it while not revealing the fact that they're already part of a heist. Getting them caught up in completely separate shenanigans can really up the tension. Maybe they accidentally get caught in the middle of a love triangle fight and they have to be relationship therapists while still being part of the heist!

[artcupcakes]

So about the Safehouse and actual sleeping arrangements.

Besides Jacket’s area which is has a couch do we actually know if the others have rooms? Because the way it’s presented, the safehouse is more of a work office than anything. 

But that doesn't make any sense because of Aldstone’s lines about cleaning and ironing heisters clothes.

Plus what about heisters like Sokol? Surely well loved but slightly problematic hockey play Sergei Kozak can’t just disappear to America without some level of Russian Media reporting about it? (Or maybe not, I’m operating under the assumption that Russian Sports Journalist are just as obnoxious and privacy invading as they are in the USA)

While sure I can see Mr. Nathan Steele, that nice banker, owning a house. And maybe his little brother having a tiny apartment. And that nice veteran Nicolas owns many houses, one in Sweden even. But whose going to rent or sell anything towards recently escaped fugitive James “Hoxton” Hoxworth of the infamous Payday Gang. Well, without it being a set up that is.

So unless the others are coach surfing, I think the Safehouse, or at least the “second” one has to have some bedrooms we don’t see. Maybe it has limited rooms, maybe Jacket moves to his couch for more room. But surely it must exist.

But the fandom already agreed on this. I just wanted to write about it.

[i-willstealyourtoes]

Can you do a wolf x male reader? Here's my favorite character from Payday 2, and I NEED more content of him. Please.

Ok ok I got u!! I'll try my best with this :p

Wolf with a male s/o

- I feel like he's never had a male s/o before, so I think he might be a little nervous lol

- Well, he's nervous about dating anyway, but with another guy?

- It makes him feel a tiny bit skittish in a way

- You assure him it's no different to having a female partner, and that calms him a little

- He does really like you, so he's not embarrassed about you two being together

- But he feels like he should be doing something extra for some reason???

- But yeah, he absolutely adores you, it doesn't matter what gender you are, he loves you!

- If anyone attacks you for being with another man, he will actually kill them

- Genuinely, you will have to hold him back so he doesn't rip them apart

- He will grumble about it when you hold him back, saying he 'would've ripped their tongue out as well as their spine'

- If you join in and also confront the homophobes, he will absolutely back you up

- He won't back down unless you pull him away

- After a little while he'll be much more comfortable and more confident in the relationship

- Because after a while he'll realise it isn't very different from a hetero relationship :)

- He enjoys just holding your hand or maybe an arm around your shoulders

- If you are a heister and you two succeed in a difficult heist there is a chance he will pick you up in celebration

- He will just wrap his arms around your whole body and arms and just... try pick you up

- He is strong, he could do it... maybe

- Feel free to try pick him up

- He will either become really flustered and go speechless, or he'll just chuckle and be really happy about it

- It's a win-win

- If you ever feel insecure about anything to do with your relationship, he will absolutely reassure you

- 'I don't want anyone but you.'

- He'll just cup your face and stare you with a stern face to convince you he doesn't regret anything and he loves you

- Sure in the beginning he was a little insecure and unsure but now he's certain

- He wants you and only you :)

[jacket-enjoyer-69]

My favorite bit I think about is how so much of the payday gang is taller than Fox. They’re 5′4″, the payday gang bottoms out at like 5′7″ on TONY or 5′8″ on Joy if you want to pick non-other media heisters. At any given point in time someone in the payday gang is absolutely likely to pick their tiny ass up and it’s great. I just love the idea of Bonnie throwing them over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes to get out of a bad situation. Or they’re mad and Chains just fucking picks them up. Jacket also picks them up regularly when they’re upset and not upset, he just likes picking them up. BUT LIKE EVERYONE JUST DOES THIS TO THEM. They are also the kind of fucker who post contractor after getting settled in can be found climbing the damn counters to get to high shit. They are the embodiment of, “Short people are closer to hell.”

[velathetanager]

When Bain first introduces the plush version of himself to the plush heisters, it goes something like this:

Bain: I have someone hear that wants to meet you…

Plush Bain: …agejdbdjdb? hbhbhbhbbhb???

The plushies: *screams in unison* WCHSGBS!! WCHSGBS!!

The PAYGANG: 😳💀

Vlad loves the plush version of himself. His brother in law gets his kicks out of watching Vlad and his plush fool around. They get up to shenanigans together. There was one time he visited them where he found Vlad covered in coke, and his plush covered in flour. It took awhile to clean that off.

The cop plushies do nothing to stop the heisters, unless they’re about to break something. Then the cloaker plush takes his fabric stick out and bops the offender on the head. Though the heister plushies aren’t hurt, they’re very dramatic about being bopped. They stop what they’re doing and yell and run to the others for comfort.

The police plushies usually just hang out with each other and squint whenever the heister plushies are doing something suspicious. Sometimes they hide in corners to catch the plushies in the act.

…I find it funny that the plush version of Bain can escape from anything. can Bain send his plush over to the heister plushies or do you think that the Bain plush is paranoid like the original is?? It would be funny to see all the plushies together.

Hey hey hahahah do you think that after reservoir dogs heist, the PAYDAY gang comes back to a scene? Like they get back to the Safehouse and Bain plush is riddled with tiny bullet holes. The other plushies surround him. They are inconsolable. It’s sad. But the plush version of Bain weakly moves after a few days.

I love that idea.

I really hope the plushie can't get high off flour 🤣

The cop plushies actually don't move often. At least, not around the heisters. This makes them creepier if you ask Chains, who's been wearing a neck brace to bed as of late so the dolls can't cut his head off (he does grow out of this later). Also, whenever one plush gets bopped on the head, it feels like someone lightly knocking on the corresponding heister's head.

The Bain plush is paranoid, but he's very simple in his thinking. Bain could probably trick him into going over there for a while if he plays his cards right.

YES. ABSOLUTELY. Even the Plush Cops are sad (though oddly enough, the Plush Cloakers are unable to speak for this time). But when Plush Bain moves, the dolls all chatter.

[histrionic-dragon]

An idea for a bit where the Time Heisters get caught in the 2012 timeline:

“What do you mean the future?” demanded Tony.

“I mean the thing that comes after the present,” Tony retorted. “By about eleven years, now, give or take a few months.”

"Huh. Convince me.”

“Uh--the new tablet thing that Apple just put out, or will be putting out soon? That’s gonna take off in a big way.”

“Bull.”

“Nope,” Steve chimed in, as he and Natasha entered the room--she must have finished whatever her interrogation was already. “Takes SI almost a year to come up with a better one.”

Tony swiveled and pointed at him as possible-future-Tony rolled his eyes. “See, that’s the best evidence that you’re actually from the future so far. Anyone who was actually imitating Cap wouldn’t know anything about, well, anything.” His Steve made a face, he noticed, but didn’t object. “And is getting on both my nerves, it looks like, so that’s a point in favor of you actually being Cap.  --Did you get anything?” he asked Natasha.

“A story,” she said dryly. “And some random factoids. Let’s see if any of it holds up.” She nodded at alt-Tony. “What’s this about some guy writing a rap musical about Alexander Hamilton?”

Tony didn’t hear what his maybe-doppleganger said over the sound of his own laughter. “Okay, what the hell? That’s the dumbest story to--”

“--at Joe’s Public but Pepper and I only saw it when it went on Broadway,” his plausibly-alternate-self was saying loudly. “It’s a huge hit. Tickets were sold out months ahead of time while the original cast was still playing. Still were before the, uh, the thing, the reason we’re all back here.” He glared at Tony, who was still laughing. “Go look up Lin-Manuel Miranda if you don’t believe me. Ask him--”

“No!” Maybe-future-Cap burst out. “No, you can’t--that would mess with the timeline. A potential big-name funder reaching out to--it would draw attention, Tony, and it might affect the play, and who knows what the ripples from changing one of the biggest pop culture phenomenons of the decade would be.”

Tony shrugged. “Well, either they’re riffing on each other, or this is a genuine fact about the future.”

Natasha looked amused. “One easy way to find out.”

“Hm?”

“If it’s such a big deal, both of them should know the lyrics, right?”

Alt-Tony looked delighted, but alt-Cap looked miserable. “I can’t rap. Please don’t make me try. Tony also can’t rap,” he added loudly, as alt-Tony opened his mouth, “but he thinks he can, so someone please shut him up?”

“I resent that,” said both Tonys haughtily, then eyed each other warily.

“Gotcha!” Clint shouted from somewhere overhead, and crashed down several flights of stairs, clinging to something tiny. 

Something tiny that immediately began to grow into a full-sized human shape, with a bizarre head--

and then the head retracted; it was some kind of helmet. The face beneath was a man’s, bright-eyed, with a dazed but excited expression. “I got this one!” he said eagerly, and then closed his eyes and sang: “Helpless.....Down for the count and I’m drowning and--”

“What’s this?” Tony muttered in an aside to his probably-future-self, who at the very least seemed to be the most reasonable person in the room.

“Helpless. Song from Hamilton,” his other self replied.

Tony sighed. Maybe he was a little irritating. “No, the guy.”

“I’m Scott,” the guy said, interrupting his song. “I’m Ant-Man. Hi!”

“That doesn’t sound like a rap musical,” Natasha said.

“No, that one’s not so much, but it’s my favorite song. I can do one of the others, though. I know all of them.”

“All?” alt-Cap asked, eyebrows raised.

“Two years of house arrest,” Ant-Man said, giving him a thumbs up. “I can also do all the parts to pretty much every song in every Disney movie ever made. ‘I can see what’s happening’--here, you be Puumba--’I can see what’s happening’--“

[howtohero]

#98 Howtohero: The Musical!

How many times has this happened to you? You’re going about your day when out of the blue…

A spell or a trick or perhaps a curse Has put all of your speech into verse

Your talk is suddenly lyrical Your movements become hysterical

As though you’ve been placed in some kind of trance You can no longer walk; you simply must dance

Your life, once so rich and full Has been reduced to some mad man’s musical

So you gather your friends to make a plan Counting on help from your heroic clan

But sadly they can’t help you Because now they’re singing too

Now don’t fret (y’all best not be frettening) Though this may seem a threat (it’s a little bit threatening)

We understand that this can be disconcerting You might not even really like to sing

(Yo, did you catch that sick concert pun? That’s definitely in the top ten, maybe even number one)

What’s happening to you isn’t that strange (Though I must say, your voice has incredible range)

See, this happens to everyone Every hero, old and young

Not one has this musical plague missed Even that nerd, Professor Paleontologist

Has had his life turned around By the sudden urge to boogie down

No hero’s career is quite complete Without a day or six with songs replete

But don’t worry we’ll get it under control Before the magical singing takes a toll

We’ll let you know just what you need to do Howtohero: creating the most prepped versions of you

As a wise man once said, first things first You need to find out just how you’ve been cursed

Are you being aggressed by a hot-tempered genie? Did you insight the wrath of some magical lamped meanie

Perhaps an imp from the fifth-dimension Is the one to blame for your singing obsession

Or maybe you’ve been cursed by a witch Some warty green evil [Hey now!]

Was it some great gaudy music meister? Some invisible tricky see-through heister?

The villain, you must overthrow If you want to speak sans falsetto

But fighting while dancing is quite the feat You’ll need to train if you want to keep the beat

Even before you’re cursed with song Practicing for this won’t steer you wrong

If you don’t think ahead and prepare in advance It’s very likely that this song and dance

Will leave you exhausted and tired This elaborate musical might leave you retired

(Hmm, I just had a thought that’s quite deep “Exhaust” and “tire” are words for both cars and sleep

I wonder why that is the case I’ll have to look into it, watch this space)

A one-two punch and a kick to the spleen Should suffice to stop that dastardly fiend

Unless their powers of song and art Are simply the beginning, just the start

Of their vast ability and awesome prowess For some of these villains also possess

The ability to control the “fragile, tiny” minds Of all their victims, it’s not very kind

To best them then you’ll have your hands quite full Trying to avoid that sing-song mind control

Your regular mask won’t be enough You’ll need to invest in some good earmuffs

Or maybe some noise-cancelling headphones Can block out that crook’s foul tones

(Or if you really want to avoid their musical jeers Try shouting lalalala with your fingers in your ears!)

You must then lay the matter to bed By punching that baddie right in the head

And if you find that that does not suffice Locate and break the mind-control device

It might be a magic helmet with built in stereos Or a ray gun, or tap shoes, anything goes

Just one last warning, a word of advice Though today you might find your voice sounding nice

Generally, once the knave is behind bars You’ll lose your singing voice on par with a star’s

The only time you’ll be able to sing Is hero karaoke night which I’m sure is a thing

So before you go And defeat your foe

Go out and have some fun They’ll still be there when you’re done

Embrace your new musical medium, This long overdue break from the tedium

Plan your grand, greatest showstopper Become the radio’s number one chart-topper

Sing and dance til your lungs give out And have some fun; that’s what this is all about.

[sokol-the-grinder]

NAME: Sokol Sergei Kozak NICKNAME: Falcon, MAC (hits like a --) AGE: 25 SPECIES: human

personal.

MORALITY: lawful / neutral / chaotic / good / neutral / evil / true RELIGIOUS BELIEF: Christianity (Orthodox, unpracticed)  SINS: greed / gluttony / sloth / lust / pride / envy / wrath VIRTUES: chastity / charity / diligence / humility / kindness / patience / justice PRIMARY GOALS IN LIFE:  Finish rebuilding a car, going back to college, surviving. LANGUAGES KNOWN:  Russian, English, German, very little Spanish. SECRETS:  Afraid of heights, heister with the Payday gang. SAVVIES:  Guns, ice skating, mechanical engineering.

physical.

BUILD: scrawny / bony / slender / fit / athletic / curvy / herculean / pudgy / average HEIGHT: 6′2″ WEIGHT: 195 lbs, give or take SCARS/BIRTHMARKS: Scar across the bridge of his nose, bottom lip, various bullet wounds and cigar burn marks, numerous tiny cuts on his hands and knuckles.  ABILITIES/POWERS: Makes MacGyver look like a rookie? RESTRICTIONS: Pretty much anything dealing with heights and depending on his state, the smell of cigars can trigger a mild to severe panic attack. 

favourites.

FOOD: If he can eat it, chances are he loves it. DRINK: Baltika beer. PIZZA TOPPING: Pretty much anything. COLOUR: Blue, silver, red.  MUSIC GENRE: Classic rock. BOOK GENRE: Sci-fi MOVIE GENRE: Horror, action.  SEASON: Winter. CURSE WORD: Variations of ‘fuck’.  SCENT(S): Woodsy scents. 

fun stuff.

BOTTOM OR TOP: Top preferably, but anything’s fun. SINGS IN THE SHOWER: Yes, loudly and very badly. On purpose. LIKES BAD PUNS: Loves them.

Tagged by: @hiisdarliing

Tagging: @n0t-a-nice-person @themxniac and whoever else. Dunno who follows this blog any more, ha.