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#to one Im just some guy. to the other they personally know who I am
feistyvirghoe ยท 2 days
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๐ฉ๐ข๐ฅ๐ž 1 - you guys have such bright, very infectious because iโ€™m just so giddy right now, yalls energy just shines bright like the sun omg, so full of positivity and love, happy as a child fr. i feel like people just like to consume your energy, has them all over the place, like pleading, thereโ€™s a push and pull effect you have, like you can be the most positive, optimistic person full of fucking light but then you have that other side to you that has people on their knees, like they canโ€™t hold it in with you, the focus is on you guys, youโ€™re hardworking and when youโ€™re ready to fucking commit to something and go you just do it and get it started but you also know how to be inclusive and make others feel welcomed. i feel like people just want you to look at them, acknowledge them, you guys can adapt easily and may be spread out everywhere, you canโ€™t just stay stuck to one thing and even within relationships im not saying youโ€™re non-committal but you know your worth and some people and things just arenโ€™t worth your time, youโ€™re like a temptation, watch out for users and takers that may want to swindle you for whatever reason. youโ€™re in tune with your femme side, you truly donโ€™t need anyone to validate you and thatโ€™s a flex babeโ€ฆitโ€™s all you, something about the way you love and care for others, never dim that part of yourself, itโ€™s so beautiful, the way you can own your mfkn power is by not letting bozos or losers come in and try to knock u off ur damn throne, standing up for yourself, believing that youโ€™re fucking powerful just by being your true authentic self, confidently strutting your stuff, not giving away too much of yourself as well, connecting with your innermost self, reminding yourself who you are deep down inside, not being swayed the outside opinions of others, you may be a lil homebody and thatโ€™s okay..youโ€™re sure of yourself and you donโ€™t need anyone up in your face trying to fucking control you and make u feel small, by continuing to protect yourself in a healthy way, strong fucking boundaries is what needs to be set, donโ€™t let these weirdos try to come in and fucking knock down your walls with their hateration and disgusting jealousy, show yourself off, embrace that fire within you, dont second guess yourself or make yourself small to fit in, burn bright baby boo. an affirmation for u - โ€œi am a badass warrior and i conquer self doubt like itโ€™s my fucking job!โ€
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๐ฉ๐ข๐ฅ๐ž 2 - your gentleness makes u fucking strike like lightning and i know youโ€™re like โ€œhow?โ€ babe we need more kind people like you on this planet, this world is so full of hatred and evil people, youโ€™re kindness and compassion and just love for others makes you fucking strike babe, youโ€™re a giver, very generous individual but i can see that you protect your heart as well, you know not to let shady people come and try to steal your energy, yeah thatโ€™s a thing, and you may need to be careful of that too, giving yourself away to undeserving people. youโ€™re so content and just emotionally fulfilled on your own, u truly do not need someone else to fill your cup but im betting thereโ€™s a lot of people that would love to if youโ€™d let them, youโ€™re allowed be taken care of and poured into. but with how abundant your energy is and just how rich you are in spirit, of course itโ€™d attract a bunch of energy vampires, just people with weird intentions. very emotionally mature and also vulnerable as well, well with the right people of course but you donโ€™t hide how youโ€™re feeling, and thats literally okay, youโ€™re allowed to fucking let yourself feel free expressing what and how youโ€™re feeling if that makes sense haha. you may throw people off, itโ€™s like they dont expect YOU, like literally just you, your compassionate self. you donโ€™t chase after people bc you know youโ€™re already secure inside so donโ€™t doubt that. maybe you really second guess yourself and how youโ€™re coming off to others but i feel like people just see such a pure genuine soul, not just a nice person but a very kindhearted soul. you make others feel calm, like just content and chill haha. i feel like yall just make people smile, like smirking to themselves just thinking about you, omg admiring you and adoring you, u could be all up in peopleโ€™s heads, unforgettable, maybe some just want to indulge themselves in you, just be cautious and aware of snakes hidden in the grass. i feel like i could go on and on about you guys, i dont want to make it too long though ;) your sweetness dude, youโ€™re just like a lil fucking teddy bear ahhhh, someone who loves to help others, doesnโ€™t matter what it may be just serving, wanting to be useful to others? maybe ppl have made u feel worthless bc of how kind you are like as if thatโ€™s boring or some shit, ignore those ppl, we need more kindness and love, donโ€™t hide that side of yourself idc, let others who want to appreciate you show you their love. youโ€™re also very in tune with your spiritual side and i feel you may dim that down too as if youโ€™re not gifted i mean youโ€™re here right?? embrace that side of yourself, you donโ€™t even know how helpful you are to others, i feel like your generosity and just your pure loving soul is what puts a smile on others faces, so balanced, youโ€™re just an unforgettable nurturer, a whole sweetie pie, a cutie pie ahhh, just such a sweet soul okay hereโ€™s an affirmation for you <3 โ€œsuccess is my middle name; watch me fucking conquer.โ€ โ€œi choose to surround myself with people who fucking respect meโ€ and to own your power i feel like you just need to see you more, like youโ€™re the one who can stay calm during the stormy weather, a shield for others, very protective over your loved ones and self, stay true to that boo! <33
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๐ฉ๐ข๐ฅ๐ž 3 - i feel like yโ€™all are my glamorous pile, the ones ready to put their feet on the fucking ground and nobody ainโ€™t going to fucking get in your way and stop you lmfao iโ€™m hearing under the influence by chris brown, i feel like you guys got people feeling like they on drugs around you, your energy is intoxicating and addicting, some may even wanna knock u up to keep you as theirs wtf okay anyways hahahaha okay i feel like the way yall strike is like youโ€™re in that empress energy very strong minded, in touch with your feminine side and you know when to cut a bitch off but then with that, the same people you cut off may try to come back and slither their way back into your life omg what the hell, so you guys are like the โ€œheartbreakersโ€ but not really because you just know your fucking worth more than what lames can give to you and not just that how theyโ€™re with you as well, goes for any relationship, you know when to fucking walk away and youโ€™re not taking weird bullshit from anyone, you donโ€™t play, i feel like your anger plays a part in making you fucking powerful, when youโ€™re done youโ€™re done and you can easily see through peopleโ€™s bullshit, their facade, in hearing shit you up, lol u piss people off, idk what youโ€™re truly doing, it could honestly just be you and your awareness, youโ€™re not going to stand down and make yourself a tiny purse dog lmfao, very sassy as well, like no one can fucking control you, even if they wanted to, you guys make people uncomfortable but thatโ€™s there own issue, you may the wrong people for you uncomfortable haha, they try to fucking go and go at you relentlessly attacking you for no reason, so i can see why youโ€™re protective of yourself and u donโ€™t stand down, i mean with weird people like this honestly weird energy like this coming for yโ€™all i understand why, itโ€™s like youโ€™re power makes others want to overthrow you and try and like one up you, just weird, got people competing for u and against you, i feel like theyโ€™re jealous of your fucking success and not just material success but your ambition, your drive, your resilience, never giving up on yourself no matter how hard it gets, youโ€™re your own positive light in your life, you know how to make yourself happy, still shining, blowing out your candles, celebrating your fucking self like you should! yeah your fucking power just makes others despise you lmfao weird as hell, you live life on your own goddamn terms and youโ€™re not sitting around waiting for anyone, a leader on your own, itโ€™s like a natural quality of yours, you just know how to be up in front exuding dominance, like a lion, your walk may just give off CONFIDENCE i mean you have the emperor here, youโ€™re just a fucking natural at it, it comes easily to you so i can see why others may feel offended by your power but theyโ€™re just projecting and not seeing their own power within themself, you look ahead, you donโ€™t look for others, they look for you, goddamn lmfao! affirmations for you guys - โ€œiโ€™m letting go of negative bullshit, toxic people, and self doubt. iโ€™m creating a fucking epic life on my own terms!โ€ & โ€œi am enough, i have enough, and damn right im fucking worth it!โ€
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๐ฉ๐ข๐ฅ๐ž 4 - i can see you guys regenerating in hermit mode, like taking some time to be alone with yourself building your power back up and cleansing yourself of all the weird energies you may have encountered, you like your solitude, my loners here, the ones who donโ€™t mind leaving the party early, ready to go home and chill the fuck out or going on adventures by yourself and taking some time to just connect with your higher self if u wanna say that, just going within and seeing that light within yourself, you blossom on your own, you know how to make sure busy, itโ€™s like when quarantine was around heavy, it didnโ€™t phase this group, maybe it was even like a fuck yeah moment, nobody outside to bother you hahaha, like you guys may love to work out and get back to yourself that way, doing yoga, stretching, moving your body, but you may also be very cautious of the outside world, like you just jumped off the boat into uncharted territory taking time to feel out the place/environment/energy just watching where youโ€™re stepping, or what youโ€™re stepping into, making your way as you go along whatever journey you may be on, weighing out your options, not making hasty decisions, a thinker, maybe even a realist too. calm, balanced people here, like a lot of introspection, a very nostalgic person too. embracing the old memories, in tune with your childhood self, doing things that fuel your soul and what makes you feel the most peaceful, maybe you guys struggle with the mind so grounding yourself and staying away from the crowd is what helps you to stay sane and sharp, for you to be your most powerful self i feel like you just need that time away from everyone. yep itโ€™s like you canโ€™t really count on other people, do people make you second guess yourself, itโ€™s like youโ€™re there for everyone but they couldnโ€™t even be bothered to hear you out, donโ€™t give so much of yourself away to ungrateful people. you matter a lot and i can see this may be draining you as well, probably why youโ€™re very cautious, but remember donโ€™t keep yourself stuck on others weird projections and how they may try to take from you, itโ€™s okay to be alone and regroup, if some one is offended by that then thatโ€™s there issue. the way u, my group four babies can uplift yourself and own your power is by letting yourself fucking shine and put yourself out there, confidently, i feel like people like making you guys feel small and quiet like a mouse, but youโ€™re not a goddamn mouse youโ€™re the fucking cat, and cats do whatever the hell they want to do, use your voice and own that fucking power, your words hold weight, speak more positively over your life and your self, unbiased opinions and being straightforward with your communication, donโ€™t close yourself off from true unconditional love too..you deserve to be recognized and appreciated for all you do!!! keep fucking going, donโ€™t give up on love, that goes for loving yourself too!! every fucking part of you and yes even the ugly bc the ugly is actually beautiful and makes you see the parts of you that you want to grow from and evolve beautifully into a better version of yourself! affirmations for yโ€™all - โ€œiโ€™m unstoppable and nothing can hold me back, not even my fucking fears.โ€ โ€œmy uniqueness shines like a freaking diamond! confidence? itโ€™s my middle name, baby!โ€ โ€œiโ€™m a badass boss babe and i donโ€™t give a damn about what anyone thinks. i rock my confidence like a boss!โ€
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๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ง๐ค ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฌ๐จ ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐œ๐ก ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐จ๐ซ๐ญ ๐จ๐ง ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐ฅ๐š๐ฌ๐ญ ๐๐€๐‚, ๐ข ๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ซ๐ž๐œ๐ข๐š๐ญ๐ž ๐ฎ ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐จ ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐œ๐ก ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ขโ€™๐ฆ ๐ ๐ฅ๐š๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐ž๐ง๐ฃ๐จ๐ฒ๐ž๐ ๐ข๐ญ ๐š๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ, ๐ข๐ฆ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐š ๐›๐ž๐ ๐ข๐ง๐ง๐ž๐ซ ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐๐ข๐ง๐  ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐จ ๐›๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ฆ๐ž ๐ก๐ž๐ก๐ž, ๐›๐ฎ๐ญ ๐š๐ง๐ฒ๐ฐ๐š๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐ข ๐ฃ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ฐ๐š๐ง๐ญ๐ž๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ ๐š๐ฌ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐ฎ๐ฉ, ๐ฅ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ฎ๐ฉ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐Ÿ, ๐ข ๐ก๐จ๐ฉ๐ž ๐ฎ ๐ž๐ง๐ฃ๐จ๐ฒ ๐Ÿ๐ซ, ๐ข ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฏ๐ž ๐๐จ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ฌ๐ž, ๐ข๐ญโ€™๐ฌ ๐œ๐ก๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐›๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ฌ๐จ ๐ฐ๐จ๐ซ๐ญ๐ก ๐ข๐ญ!! ๐ข ๐ก๐จ๐ฉ๐ž ๐ข๐ญ ๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ๐จ๐ง๐š๐ญ๐ž๐ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ซ๐ž๐ฆ๐ž๐ฆ๐›๐ž๐ซ ๐ข๐Ÿ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ฃ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ฅ๐ž๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐ข๐ญ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐ฌ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž๐จ๐ง๐ž ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฌ๐ž, ๐ฌ๐จ ๐ฆ๐š๐ง๐ฒ ๐š๐ฆ๐š๐ณ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ ๐จ๐ง ๐ก๐ž๐ซ๐ž ๐š๐ง๐ ๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐š๐ญ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ๐ฆ๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐จ ๐ง๐จ ๐ง๐ž๐ž๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐›๐ž ๐›๐ฎ๐ญ๐ญ๐ก๐ฎ๐ซ๐ญ ๐ข๐Ÿ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฆ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ๐š๐ ๐ž ๐ฐ๐š๐ฌ๐งโ€™๐ญ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ, ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ซ๐ž๐œ๐ข๐š๐ญ๐ž ๐ฎ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐ž๐ฏ๐ž๐ง ๐ฏ๐ข๐ž๐ฐ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐š๐ง๐ ๐œ๐ฅ๐ข๐œ๐ค๐ข๐ง๐  ๐จ๐ง ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฌ๐ญ, ๐ค๐ข๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฌ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐œ๐ก ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฏ๐ž, ๐Œ๐–๐€๐‡ (^ะท^)-โ˜†
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chanif-art ยท 1 day
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Itโ€™s time to..
Happy Birthday to the GREATEST CHANIFโœจ
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(I love everyone equally ๐ŸงŽ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ)
Thank you for being here with me. It is such a long way to continue, yet, you guys are still here. I am truthfully thankful for your support and tons of love that I have received :-)
I started this blog in 2021 becauseโ€ฆ I saw there was a few yandere art to consumeโ€” so, I drew. Initially, I drew for the reason that I wanted to make myself happy (with self-insert, yes๐Ÿฅบ). But surprisingly, everyone seemed to enjoy it too..? At that time, I was so happy to know that everyone loved my art. Before I started this blog, I actually gave up drawing once. Maybe it was because of burnout or my low self-esteem. Anyway, I actually wanted to thank me in 2021 for decide to โ€˜just give it a go, draw for your satisfaction. No one hurts.โ€™ something like that.
And the result went too beyond my expectations. My blog has growth. I got to know there are a lots of people who support me thoroughly during my hardest time. I am so grateful for the community I am part of. Even though I had gone for quite some time, there are still people who waiting for me to comebackโ€” as always. And thatโ€ฆ I do not know what to sayโ€” I know that I receive so much love. My english cannot elaborate how thankful I am. So all I can say is I appreciate you guys so much! Thank you as always :-)
Despite of the unstable of quality art, you guys still enjoy them. I am grateful for that. Despite of the lack of posting an art, you guys still waiting for me to post. I am grateful for that.
And if I cannot draw the bias that you love (yes, I noticed that I start to draw less Leon and recently start to draw Satoru more oftenโ€” not to mention others that I barely draw) I am so sorry. I promise that I will draw others if you guys request it.
Nowโ€ฆ now.. I would like to thank you:
@alexex8sts for being the biggest supporter!! You have supported me continuously that it becomes invaluable ๐Ÿฉต it means a ton to me knowing that there is still a person whoโ€™s always be here with me. Alexie, thank you as always! Your ideas have inspired me a lot. I, Chanif, thank you for being friend with me๐Ÿฅฐ
@yune1337 thank you, Wolfie. For supporting me :-) Feel free to chat with me sometimes! I am always available!
@maleyanderecafe and how could I forget the person who makes me so popular?? LOL im kidding, please forget the part where i am popular ๐Ÿ˜‚ Anywayโ€” thank you for reblog and liking my art! I am always thankful for your support๐Ÿ™‡๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ
Thank you ๐Ÿฅ€ anon for being part of Chanifโ€™s family!! Always feel free to come and chat with me anytime you want!! I am here for you :-)
And shoutout to those I have not mentioned! Tons of thank for loving me and my art๐Ÿฉต if it wasnโ€™t for you guys, I wouldnโ€™t know that the Cucumber007 would receive this much love and appreciation!! Not to mention that the people who followed me(at the time I wrote this) is now 2,222 individuals???? I gasped! Thank you as always!
Happy birthday to me, Chanif :-) you are 21 now and surround by people who adore you
-
Ganknow
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abstractlesbian ยท 5 months
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Find someone slightly annoying but in really small harmless ways so I decide none of the behaviours are worth bringing up with them โ†’ realizing: hey, Im also annoying! solidarity! โ†’ realizing we have a lot in common and starting to bond โ†’ finding out other people find this person annoying and are vocal about it behind their back โ†’ finding out this person has ADHD like me that's (at least one reason) why we have all these traits in common โ†’ fear.
#trying to be as vague as possible even tho this is someone I know offline and no one involved follows me online#on one level I get it that relying someone who is forgetful and does things slower/differently than you can be frustrating#but like its a medical condition. and u dont need to know someones medical info to have some empathy instead of assuming malice/incompetence#i just found out they have adhd today but day one i was able to go 'wow i did not like the way they handled that but i dont think they were#being hurtful/careless we just handle this task differently. rhey didnt do anything wrong and i can let this go and adjust my expectations'#not to say im perfect and never ableist towards others. my first reaction to seeing traits i dislike in myself (from my disabilities)#in others is often to get annoyed and needing to adjust my thinking#i get annoyed with myself when I cant focus / cant be coherent or concise / cant finish tasks quickly etc#โ†’ get annoyed sometimes when I see others doing that โ†’ realize thats not fair to them โ†’ realize thats not fair to myself#โ†’ assume good intentions and find ways to communicate/collaborate better with them โ†’ get along better and maybe make a new friend!#sorry i am rambling#idk its scary seeing someone being disliked for adhd symptoms/traits that im mostly doing a good job of managing/hiding in this#social environment so far and knowing that could happen to me in the future#but im also like ready to have this persons back#me ๐Ÿค them: prioritizing the wrong tasks and overexplaining things and struglging to get our points across#and not noticing when we talk too loud and forgetting tasks halfway thru etc#not to be that guy but : without love it canmot be seen!!!!#lifes so much better if u just assume ppl arent doing things a certain way to be annoying + let go of / adapt to the thing that are annoying#but not harmful#thats not exactly what without love it cant be seen means but thats one of the ways i apply it in life#just like dont assume malice. assume u dont have all the info. approach ppl/situations with empathy.#or youll make yourself more miserable needlessly#again like only for shit that's not harmful obv#i need to shut up and go to bed
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toytulini ยท 8 days
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thinking about my oc Bytte. and. her gender is Aro. her Aromanticism is inextricable from her gender experience.
#toy txt post#i love to make an alloaro oc whos a woman navigating a usually masculine role in society far before we ever coined aromanticism#whos Aromanticism informs so much about her but with no language to adequately describe it she doesnt really know how#and so she does kinda blow up her relationships by accident bc she does Want human connection#and what she Wants is to fuck someone whos friends with her and chill about it who will just be fucking Normal about it#and Not Make It A Big Thing and also for other people to not make it a big thing and they can hang out and be friends#but never fucking domesticize her. and its in part a rejection of the misogynistic role of Wife in historic (and even modern) society of#course but its also a rejection of the relationship hierarchy of Wife. of the romanticization. bc of her circumstances the only role on#offer of course has been Wife. but in the hypothetical situation where she was offered the role of Husband? she would at first probably#accept that. in theory. it sounds fine. sure. but if she tried to LIVE like that. to Live even as a Husband. it would Also be Wrong. to put#any of her relationships into that framework is to fundamentally ruin them forever. and she is living in a society that wants that to be#the only framework. anyway its crazy how ive made a character like that exactly Twice at least#(Bytte and Lucille. Bytte is a bit more genderfucky than Lucille. Lucilles gender is also ugly violent scary woman. for reasons)#both of these characters rn are cis. well. not /cis/ cis but theyre afab and women bc i want to explore that but i am thinking lately about#a transfem take. to explore. ive considered it and i dont think i want that for Bytte? all that means is watch out for future ocs#i could do a character very similar to Bytte as transfem and it would be really good but theres something about#and honestly it would probably make more SENSE for Bytte? due to gender roles in like ancient sparta or whatever?#but if shes transfem in sparta i think there would be subtle nuanced differences in how ppl interact w her that i dont necessarily want for#her? if that makes sense. i know this reasoning sounds weak in a vacuum but i Promise i have way more characters than this and i do want to#explore things differently. i promise there are complex transfem characters in witchverse and also complex characters whos asab im not#decided on yet. there are some im not sure i ever want to be decided on? the downside of being incredibly specific about fictional#characters is that it doesnt leave you all room for headcanons#sorry. good news is you can go make your own ocs about it ๐Ÿ‘ idk. much to explore. much to think about#also sometimes a ''''cis'''' character CAN have a fun gender to play with honestly its just that mainstream media Never does#so theres no good way to be like no but listenn i swear its fun#anyway this is all moot cos im not a fucking writer im just making up little guys and doing nothing#also anyway. i think my gender is also aro and a little ace. personally. also before u get mad at me about these 2 ocs being like#probelmatic aro rep or smth: 1) aforementioned its moot anyway im not even a writer 2) these arent the only alloaro ocs i have its just#funny that i made this one twice lmao 3) my brain is huge. my ocs are rad. suck my ass. โ™ก#if only i Was a writer tho god. thered be sooooo many aro characters fr fr
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misterradio ยท 10 months
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i love seeing fan art for stuff so much like its my favourite thing ever when it comes to Looking Up Specific Things On Tumblr and im so crazy abt the works but only me and dog have really posted abt it i think it makes me go crazy and i could just cry from wanting to see other people draw fanart of it. does this make sense
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ghosts-of-love ยท 3 months
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i love my friend so much but i don't like being a third wheel anymore i don't think
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widevibratobitch ยท 4 months
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aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.
#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol#anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly#but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size#acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years#and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating#(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive#when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time)#and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die.#and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well#and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom#and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao#like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is#anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus.#but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333#god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by#but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr#anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help.#but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation.#i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.
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terrorbirb ยท 6 months
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Monday my coworker cleared his throat on me when talking to me for 3 minutes, and I immediately put on a mask, disinfected and moved everything I had to the conference room because he obviously had something. I also immediately told my boss who "was wondering if he should send him home". All of that, but apparently that was enough to get me sick.
Here's the thing, and I know this isn't how it works, I got it from a coworker at work and did EVERYTHING in my power to not get it so i could continue work, so I should get my sick days paid even though I don't have any more PTO. I'm still going to work with a mask on in the warehouse because I, specifically, am needed to complete physical inventory which is incredibly important, but I had to go home at 3pm because I was on the verge of fainting. If I cannot complete these last 2 weeks of work, my company will fall apart, which is why I gave a 5 week notice instead of 2 and delayed starting my new job. I know "fuck this company", but I have enough pride to not want things to be worse than they already are because I Built This Place. I want all the systems I designed to work.
Tldr if a coworker got me sick because my boss didn't send him home when he knew he should, and I took measures to limit my exposure right after being exposed, then I should get my sick hours paid.
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transgender-catboy ยท 8 months
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I love my friends
#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind#for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!!#secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart#i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and#allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother.#she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way#i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know?#not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her.#...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics#i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling.#like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did.#hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either#but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time#but that's the only way I can get those emotions out#I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved.#and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah.#but we dont talk about her#... i dunno. I'm just here.#guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going#I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys.#so uh. thank you.#i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you#probably dead.#๐Ÿ’–#vent
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lilgynt ยท 11 months
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alright iโ€™m not gonna lie to ur face being hot and autistic does kinda blow.
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thatone-highlighter ยท 2 years
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Is there any better feeling than saying something stupid and making your friends laugh
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nothing-nothing454545 ยท 19 days
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i hate hazbin because the writing is all over the place and the fact they market what it is as a queer and progressive show pisses me off, you hate it because the art style has angles and that one guy has animal ears. we are not the same
#there are some design features i dislike but the preexisting art style they chose is fairly well executed#and the fact they chose that art style is admirable. its just that there are a few problems with that style but they work around it#however im not sure the same can be said about the writing#i think it doesnt fit the art style and what its supposed to represent. they gentrified the art style into being less queer#for a lack of better terms. you can tell im not a writer bc of how shitty i am at describing this#and theres a sliver of my soul that worries the writing is also some avant garde stuff only advanced writers get but.. im not sure#in any case i personally dont like it that much except for sir pentious and that one angel dust comic from years back#everything else is just messed up. unexplained and convoluted and doesnt feel like its building to anything#but seriously i was just at the pride parade trying to talk to literally anyone since 90% of my friends are online#after one of my groups went home early bc their heads started hurting from the music (and i didnt text that one other person bc i got shy)-#i had only one choice: the guy i met on lesbo night that seemed to know everybody and he introduced me to his friend whos into hazbin hellu#we both saw the show but when the friend left we were like yeah meh. but HE was like yeah i dont like how angular it is and i dislike horro#therefore: hazbin is cringe AND I WAS LIKE HUH#and then he added yea some people say those furries are cringe but not me haha. MY GUY hazbin.. is too queer for you?#bro you carried the transmasc bear flag for your queer only sports team and you know 99% of the cool hair people in the bar we went to#and hazbin is too queer for you. please. please.#i hope he doesnt use his tumblr anymore or at least wont tumblr search hazbin XDDD if u do sorry for dragging u a bit and also ur cute
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readymades2002 ยท 2 months
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who even give a fuck. yknow
#getting drunk before work because who gives a shit ^_^d#yesterday was real fucking bad so im thinking like why am i even fucking trying you know none of these assholes even talk to me#unless its to go ermmmm i cant help noticing your department isnt achieving infinite growth when will you guys stop sucking#shit? just curious yhaha and if they want to talk about me they go behind my back and ask other people why im cutting#which a) i wear short sleeves this isnt a secret im keeping and 2) fuck you for deciding its your business and then NOT EVEN#ASKING /ME/ but whatever thy want to get pissy at me for their own failure to communicate fucking let them i dont care#ive been killing myself for this stupid job for a year now i wake up in the morning and my first thought is how bad my knee hurts#im one of the best we've got and what do i have to show for it no one fucking talks to me i dont care#no one will go 'hey did you get fucking sloshed before coming here' becaus etheyre scared of talking to m e for some reason#i literally dont know but if they ask then like who fucking cares this isnt on me i dont feel human doing this job i dont feel like a perso#no one treats me like one unless i waste time quote unquote to not do my job and talk to people who like care if i live or die or whatever#so like who fucking cares even ill do whatever i want ill get drunk before work ill do shit at my job ill talk to someone i love fuck it#whatever!!! should have acted like i was a person instead of ignoring the people youre throwing into a meatgrinder for profit i guess#who fucking cares!#already had my MOTHER get weird about me buyng booze for reasons that are none of her fucking business and that she#wouldnt know the details of anyway if she hadnt been snooping because i have no privacy and no space of my own lol#so might as well drink it i guess it was 30 bucks anyway and i dont have any fucking moneyyyyyyyy so what am i#who am i fucking KIDDINGGGGGGGGGG lol its fucked its all fucked!!! whatever!!! who give a shit!!! nothing fucking matters
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crest-of-gautier ยท 6 months
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MORE PQ TIME!!! i'm determined to make good progress on it!! i played for around 4.5 hours today, and got around 52% of the 4th floor done. we have a total of 31 hours in the game and most of my main party is at like level 30/31, i think!
i'm feeling pretty content with my mechanics/persona fusions... there are ways i feel that this operates differently from mainline persona (the way petrification is a status that carries over between battles surprised me!), but i feel like i've really gotten into the groove with the boost system (and i have enjoyed using status ailments more than ever).
i'll probably be getting to see destined partner stuff soon... like as early as next session... i'm very interested in it :3
this time i don't actually have anything to say about the scenes i saw today. there were a few times i was ๐Ÿ”ช at atlus choosing to focus on certain traits for some characters (akihiko with protein and making teddie... very... teddie) but idc to talk about that bc everyone's beat a dead horse abt it. actually wait. i have one thing to say and it's about zen (under the cut)
so when we started spot 4 there's this... scripted battle after you open the door immediately after the staircase- where you get to face the golden hands.
i thought it was interesting to have a forced encounter with them (when it's possible that you might've run into them before) at this stage. game design wise i thought it was nice because it lets the players experiment on their own and come to their own conclusion on how to handle these evasive fucks who are the pain of my existence (i find golden hand movement to be entrancing, actually).
and if you didn't figure out that you could agility bind/panic (via tentarafroo or other means). after the battle, regardless of the outcome (i defeated them), zen just... spells it out for you, tells you directly what strategy you could use.
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and i just found that... so very interesting? like yeah, to some people they may look at this and go, "yeah, forced tutorial moment." and i can see that (not that i felt that this instance was a bad thing!).
the point that i'm trying to get at is that i'm particularly interested in how zen knows this. like... to know an innate weakness and countermeasure to them... and when the vr attendants very early on discussed that you shouldn't be able to find living humans in the culture festival, and if you do, they're probably tied to persona/shadow-like entities. i'm like. zen are you pulling this out of your ass because you were a shadow once. i'm shaking him back and forth like a tree in animal crossing!! rah!! tell me your secrets!!!
or of course. the game could just have chosen zen to be a vehicle to give this information to the player and i'm looking way too much into things. i don't think persona should give me another amnesiac character again. i will go crazy over trying to dissect them and see if they challenge the norm of amnesiac persona characters or not. i probably sound like im beating a dead horse but GUYS IM ONTO SOMETHING I THINK.
in any case, i feel the game has had really nice ways of emphasizing the importance of status ailments. way back earlier near the start of the 2nd labryinth, the quest legendary medicine required you to agility bind some lust snakes, and i feel like this kinda alluded to the importance of certain status effects over others? idk. i just think its neat to see how certain quests and monsters can teach you things, y'know? video games...! ๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿ’›
i'm reallly looking forward to playing more! while i'd like to finish the group date cafe who knows how sidetracked i'll get... but the floor feels pretty straightforward lol so. we shall see!
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astrxealis ยท 8 months
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good eve hope u all r well ๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ˜™๐Ÿ’—โœจ
#โ‹ฏ ๊’ฐแƒ starry thoughts เป’๊’ฑ *ยทหš#exam scores r pretty good YAYYY i'm just a bit disappointed for bio but i reached my goals for earthsci & physics hehe#i got perf on physics even ... which is rlly amazing tbh bcs i am the only one in my class and the rest have at least 3 mistakes#and only what. 5 of us. have above 40/45 KDBWJABSJDH#SHS IS DIFFICULT GUYS but not for me w physics ^_^ teehee. me and my twin!!!#i'm just rlly proud of myself yay :D it's really funny tho how FOR SOME REASON SO MANY OF MY FRIENDS KNOW..... how did news pass like that#wtf it's funny bcs my friend behind me in class was like 'apollo' when my teacher was like yo 1 person in this class got perfect and i#shook my head but tbf i was confident i got perf. then boom. it's me. KDBSKDN IT'S SO FUNNY BCS THAT SAME FRIEND who i love btw THEY BRAGGED#TO THEIR OTHER FRIENDS WHO R MY FRIENDS ON MY BEHALF it's cute tbh but yeah#and then my twin's class... one of the nice ppl there learned i got perf and told the other ppl in the class JFSHJDJS JUST SOME OTHERSBIN#IN CLASS BUT THAT'S CRAZY and then i learned rn that my other other friend knows................................ it's amazing tbh#i'm just really happy with that lol and for everyone else too who did what they could ^_^ uhh generally speaking!#anyway AGHH ARTEMIS GOT BG3 TO WORK RAGHDGDHEHEHW DHRGAHDJGJEK REGHDJGHEOFJ#apollo screams in tags again like its his newspaper so true HFHSJDJSJ HIII GUYS !!! hope u all are well <33#new seating arrangement for 2nd half of this sem and i'm . bit scared since im in the front#which idm but my seatmate is the one person i hate in my class <3 aside from their friend lol#i have my reasons aha i only hate really irresponsible people or maarte rich kids who use their money to cheat or get out of trouble#but at least my other kinda seatmate is another friend in class :(( <3#the real awkward thing tho is my actual seatmate is uh a group member we just kicked from our research group bcs she's irresponsible as#shit. lots going in there but let me just tell u she has 20+ absences 3 months into the sy and according to the school. not valid enough#excuses lmfao. girlie has a twin too and always cheats so i'm not surprised ^_^ i hate super rich kids !!! that flaunt it off !!! argh#anyway tea over yruchfhfhsh i only realt hate ppl like that ... anyone else is ok w me ^_^ yay#raghh good evening !! u all rest well !! esp in the ph bcs it seems like it's sick season D:
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omanu ยท 9 months
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#hey god (you guys) it's me again#ive been living my life as i can but there are times when i get paralyzed bc of the state im in#i feel too old to be at this point in my life and in theory i dont care but it has its effects in real life like#im a 26 year old person who is still in college with no friends in college#the age factor is not entirely responsible for this but it is a lot anyway#the 20's ppl in my classes are too childish and lively and just at some place im not anymore#im still a girl which i really am not but i cant not be a girl right now#but i am#and i just keep thinking how embarrassing it is to be like this#and i cant really do anything about it#i will get too old when im able to and at that#everything will be harder for me when i can change#and honestly im not even excited about it because i know i cant live how i want anyway because everything will be gone#the moment is gone#and i will keep hating myself#cuz i want to and cuz im unable not to#like. there is no other way#and no one is talking to me no one cares enough about me for that#i will be 30 a pathetic virgin who cant connect with anyone#an ugly bitch until i die i think this is the most tragic thing of it all#no its not okay no i wont find anyone no one will find me#it's not right ive never lived right#and i have always hated it and i always will#im just trying being patient. one day i will die#one day i will#be patient#nobody can empathize with me nobody can reach me#it sucks i hate it but apparently that's what i want
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