#social environment so far and knowing that could happen to me in the future

[abstractlesbian]

Find someone slightly annoying but in really small harmless ways so I decide none of the behaviours are worth bringing up with them → realizing: hey, Im also annoying! solidarity! → realizing we have a lot in common and starting to bond → finding out other people find this person annoying and are vocal about it behind their back → finding out this person has ADHD like me that's (at least one reason) why we have all these traits in common → fear.

[tobiasdrake]

Episode 23 - The Sigh of Haruhi Suzumiya, Part 4

The first half of this episode is so gross. This whole arc has been gross.

Yeah and the other one also meant we're not supposed to dive in the pool but we saw exactly what Haruhi thought of that one 15,000 times so why would she respect this one?

Don't worry. If someone catches us trespassing, we'll just shoot them with guns.

Okay, Tsuruya last episode was like "Aww Mikuru you're so hot in that outfit!" and now this. Does Mikuru even have a single friend who doesn't objectify her?

Shit, even Mikuru herself got in on it, that time when Future Mikuru was like "Go ahead and make out with my drugged past self as payment!"

Is this Haruhi?

Does Haruhi see Mikuru as an object so much that her perception affects the way everyone else sees her too? Is Mikuru being cosmically objectified by the universe itself? Because that's despair-inducing.

OH GOD NO NOT AGAIN

I'm so glad Yuki's here. I'm so glad we have an alien robot who can absorb ludicrous harm and move faster than time to be Haruhi's cosmic babysitter.

Oh hey, we got to see it this time. Not as comical as I'd expected but still funny.

Not sure why Mikuru needs more anti-laser nanomachines. Didn't she already have anti-laser nanomachines? Does she need new anti-laser nanomachines for every new contact that Haruhi makes her wear?

Oh. That's why. Because it was a new attack to justify a different color of contact lens. Haruhi invented a new type of optic blast for Mikuru to fire. Got it.

Does Mikuru officially qualify as transhumanist since she has blood nanites keeping her from shooting eye beams?

Far be it for me to say that Kyon's opinion ever matters, but honestly, I think the guy who was almost decapitated twice during filming deserves to have his voice heard on this.

Unfortunately, it's Haruhi who gets the final judgment. So if you think you can convince her to give up on this, go ahead and try!

Kyon's never really understood the tone of this group.

As an esoteric entity whose will shapes reality itself and a violent, self-centered misanthrope, Haruhi is like a force of nature. The job here isn't to stop the Haruhicane. The Haruhicane cannot be stopped. The job is damage control. Evacuating people from the Haruhicane's path and nailing things down so it doesn't destroy everything.

Oh that's a terrible idea. Picture this.

Scenario 1: We have to explain to Haruhi why her most trusted subordinates violently assaulted her.

Scenario 2: We don't. Haruhi now believes that there is some sort of violent assailant running around the city with a baseball bat and a hunger for attacking teenage girls. And when Haruhi believes it....

Scenario 3: We accidentally kill her because blunt force trauma to the head is unpredictable and now we get to find out what happens when God dies.

No, seriously, Tsuruya spiked Mikuru's drink so she and Haruhi could put Mikuru in an alluring outfit and film a love scene with Itsuki without Mikuru being fully cognizant of what was happening to her.

I don't know how it is in Japan but I'm like 80% certain that in the U.S., this is the #1 top-of-the-chart Violation of the Girl Code. This would be friendship-destroying. Preventing this exact scenario from occurring is literally one of your responsibilities as a Girl Bestie in a social environment.

Tsuruya is not only derelict in her duty to protect Mikuru from predators; She is actively a predator herself.

I don't know why everyone complains about Eternal Eight when this arc is much worse.

[samsspambox]

I love the hc that Artem is ace. I'm ace as well and that puts a lot of his understandable behavior into perspective. Like, saying stuff that could be sugged to mean otherwise and immediately apologizing for it because you didn't mean for it to be taken that way. But also the book! Artem trying to learn his way into someone's heart by watching dramas and a book on "love and attraction"? Yep. Not to mention, the whole thing with intimacy, where he tends to freeze when things get more intimate - not because he doesn't want it, but because he just doesn't know what to do. I've also seen people claim Artem as being dense, which is fair. I would argue tho that it's because he legitimately does not know better. When he does stuff, especially in like Focus Fire or In Sickness and In Health or Two Hearts as One, he tends to think of the "romantic" implications a little bit later - He likes Rosa, sure, but I'm pretty sure his first thought when trying to use his hands as earmuffs isn't "oh gosh, I'm right next to her", but rather "oh, I need to protect her ears." Two Hearts as One is another one - Artem and Rosa are working on the choking scene and Artem is on top of her, Artem doesn't immediately get uncomfortable with the position, he just figures that it's what he has to do for the play (which, fair), it's only after things get a little more intimate that he starts to get flustered. Artem's other autumn cars is another one. Which makes things kinda interesting because it seems like he's judging his own reactions to things between them based on how MC is reacting, when they get flustered, Artem is more than likely to mirror that too. He knows his social cues, hence the apologies for what happens as a result of his innocent intent. Some food for thought.

yEAH YEAH UR SO RIGHT NONNIE, THERES SO MUCH SHIT TO BE EXPLAINED IF ARTEM IS ACE SPEC!

like, his first instinct isn't to think about situations as 'oh this is romantic/this has sexual tension' but more like 'what's right to do in the moment' or 'what's right to do because of the environment'.

like the basketball card! he bought the milk tea bc what else was he supposed to do in that situation, but was only aware it was for couples when the person selling clarified that it was for couples, you know?

i think it's a combination of factors that lead to artem being 'dense' in the act of wooing someone. one has to be inexperience bc he just,, never had a partner at all. but i also think it was a bit of the ugly duck syndrome. a bit of spoilers here but artem's mom mentions that bc artem shot up in height during high school, a lot of people started seeing him as attractive. that makes me think that artem,,, probably had it rough in terms of being a pre-teen. and now with all the sudden attention? he'd freak out. he'd grow distrustful of those around him, shutting down any possibilities of him dating around in his early teens. also bc his parents have connections, similarly to marius, and could have been used as a step to reach his parents' attention.

and of course there's also just the innate innocence of his actions. i think that's why a lot of people like artem— hes a bit of a subversion of the 'cold hearted mf' trope. artem genuinely doesn't hide that he worries for people and wants them to succeed but because of his position of power over them it comes off as cold indifference.

i guess as someone on the ace spec, i wanna dig i to why artem chose mc as the person who'd he'd have feelings towards. how did him and mc get close? how gradual was it? i know we get some answers to their past in future cards but they mostly focus too far back to when they were just colleagues. what was that moment? cuz the game just establishes them as 'really good work colleagues' in the beginning. how did that happen? let me sEE

but you're so right nonnie artem being ace partially solves so many mysteries about artem himself. thank you for dropping by nonnie!!!

[qqueenofhades]

Something that is always telling about the people bleating for a grand socialist revolution is how they never seem willing to actually do anything to build a proper foundation for such a thing. They constantly keep on telling the people in power about needing to immediately transition to a more just and socialist society, but they're always either:

Ignoring the very real difficulty of actually setting up that kind of society given just how hyper capitalistic our society is.

How much American society is heavily biased and indoctrinated against any sort of socialist boogeyman regardless of the validity of that.

Who's going to do all of the work to actually get to that point.

The last point is especially telling given our current fascist rising circumstances, because for every person online calling for a socialist revolution to fight back, none of them ever seem all that keen on actually taking part in the down and dirty parts of what such a revolution could entail. The bloodshed, the sacrifices, the knowledge that they might not even get to reap the rewards or have to deal with the inevitable consequences of revolution, but still do it anyways because they want a better future for everyone. Planting trees for future and all that.

They just want the glory and to be far in the back away from the actual fights, that someone has to fight. They, much like the fascists they supposedly stand against, want someone else to pay the price while they reap the reward.

I mean, yeah. It's all just performance theater. Social media has created an environment where you can look like a principled and courageous opposition figure just by bashing the Democrats all the time and posting calls to some nebulous Revolution!!! It doesn't have to connect, and usually doesn't, to anything whatsoever in the real world, because it creates its own self-sustaining universe and sense of reality. It's playing a video game and calling yourself a revolutionary in the real world. It's not the same thing at all.

As I said in earlier posts, it's just a reactive magical-thinking coping strategy. That on its own is not a bad thing. Believe me, I have many cherished daydreams about Mitch McConnell suddenly dying in a fire or even, in its slightly more realistic variation, the American people actually deciding to just stop voting for fascists because the only thing they care about is gas prices. However, neither of those things are likely to happen, and if I confuse my "everything bad will just magically disappear and people who think exactly like me will take over and make it perfect!" fantasies with the entirety of my political or pragmatic plans... yeah, that's not a good thing. It doesn't mean I'm an edgy mature free thinker etc etc. It means I just have no other ideas and can't face up to the actual reality.

Besides, as I have also said many times as a Tired Historian: ideological revolutions just never work. Never. If you're planning to overturn society just in the wishful-thinking notion that everyone will agree that you were right all along and do it your way from now on... yeah. It's not going to happen, and it will only hurt the most vulnerable people that you claim to be doing this for. I don't need to theorise about this; I know it's true because it's happened every time before. And no matter their delusions of grandeur, I do Not think that these ideologically and morally bankrupt circle-jerking useless terminally online dipshits are about to break that pattern. So. Yeah.

[moralitybog]

Freddie de Boer , who i often like, had a bad take about EA but it's too late for me to comment in a way anyone will read so I'm putting it here

(This comes off as more spicy about DEI and social justicethan maybe i endorse; i want DEI trainings i just take issue with them being the be all end all of politics and morality)

Bad take here: https://freddiedeboer.substack.com/p/effective-altruism-has-a-novelty

“EA is politics, don’t get it twisted”

So I think this actually illustrates why exactly this piece misses the mark. My, perhaps limited, understanding of politics is that in politics you are working with, and for, people who you are choosing to ally yourself with in amending a shared social contract, with all the duties and benefits that that entails for all parties. EA is precisely “how do we think about ethics when the beings involved cannot do politics with us?”

Global health and poverty stuff–which is where my donation money generally goes!--is right on the border, because there are pretty compelling leftist reasons why you would want to distribute resources to the developing world outside of Peter Singer-style utility maximization. But even so, it is considered vaguely distasteful to give to third world charities in most political circles these days, and anyway, people dying of malaria aren’t running the DEI circles at our workplaces so we’re not “accountable” to them as a marginalized group. 

The long term future is even further from ordinary politics, we can’t invite unborn generations to the summit to discuss global warming or AI with us. If anyone is going to hold us accountable, it’s going to be people concerned about outcomes for their own children or grandchildren, which doesn’t seem great. And yet, if future generations matter at all morally–which I think they do!--then figuring out how to not fuck them over or stop them from existing is actually a huge deal. Animals–even further from being able to participate in politics, and of course even if they could build political structures a council of gazelles would likely not be in agreement with a council of lions. And yet again, if animals matter at all in and of themselves, if they are moral patients, then how we approach changes to our environment and to our agricultural system matters tremendously. I eat a vegan diet and am hoping to work in the emerging wild animal welfare field someday, so uh, you can guess how I feel about that.Saying we shouldn’t interfere in ecosystems is all well and good, but the reality is that we are already massively interfering in ecosystems all the time, completely remaking them in our image, and in discussions of re-introducing predators, or how to approach new research in pest management, or what to do about agricultural subsidies, if animals matter morally, then taking that seriously will mean doing a lot of analysis that is not currently happening. 

Beyond those considerations, I want to particularly drill on the animal issue because this is far from unique to EA–J. Baird Callicott published “A Triangular Affair” on the tension between animal rights and environmentalism in 1980, and this was already at the time a contentious topic in environmental ethics. But what learning about this tension teaches you is that there is indeed ideology, not just science, behind how we approach environmental conservation, discussions of biodiversity, etc, and we shouldn’t necessarily take the way these things have been approached already as being the obvious “scientific” choice. If EAs are unique, it’s just in that they are actually trying to figure out the questions that academic animal ethics has already gestured at for decades.

As a final note, I am not at all sure that most people are really trying to do the most good. Most people I know who give to charity give to organizations that are vaguely personally relevant–my in-laws give to the Catholic school their sons went to, and to the charity that my partner and I once worked with, with basically no research into anything else. People give to cancer charities because a relative died of cancer.  When I ride the train  in my EA sweatshirt, people sometimes approach me to ask what it is, and when I give my elevator pitch, often they say “but what if I just feel better about myself if I give to arts charities?” This all makes sense if charity is about building up your own community or act out of loyalty–i.e., it’s political–but again, EA as many approach it is the attempt to look outside of those considerations.

[sleepyivoryrose]

Tomorrow I'm visiting my mom at the hospital...I am pretty nervous. I normally don't travel alone, or travel at all, so I'm kinda scared I might get lost, even with a plan of how the train and the bus drive. Last time I travelled last year I came back only to find train strikes. I normally would have to travel 2 hours until I get home, but thank god one of my caretakers got me with their car from the station. I don't think they will do that again though, since they strictly mentioned it was an exception.

Also, even if I manage to travel safely to the hospital, I still have to ask for my mother at the reception, and my crippling social anxiety doesn't make that exactly easy.

And then, after I managed to travel safely and overcome my fears, I still am afraid of what state I might find my mom in. They told me she couldnt eat food for a while, and knowing her, she's been struggling with eating before she came to the hospital. Also, she's sort of a shut in? So I can imagine that she's scared out of her wits with so many unknown people. She hates hospitals and doctors too...I hope i can ease her mind a little bit, I'm sure my dad and my brother did a great job at that too.

The things you do for love, right?

I'm sure everything is going to turn out fine.

At least I hope so.

----------

On the other hand, I'm worried about the pooky (aka my cinammon roll friend), and how the pooky is feeling physically and emotionally worse by the day. Honestly? I am already proud of her she came this far. I sure would have had a mental breakdown...no, several in her position. She's really strong...I admire her from the bottom of my heart.

I don't know how much longer she can handle this though. I'm worried sick about her.

----

Nobody is doing necessarily great in my environment. That's life for ya. I wish I could do more, something, anything...this feeling of helplessness is driving me nuts (or even more nuts than I probably already am). I guess the only thing I can do is be there for them, listening, and hoping.

----

Did something good happen last days though? Aside from my usual fangirling, not really, I'm afraid. Life goes slowly by, uneventful and peaceful, and I wouldn't want it any other way. I do wish I could live alone in an appartment though, but I know it's not possible, since complete isolation could worsen my condition really quickly. But it would be nice to have some more privacy.

One of my caretakers is still trying to convince me to get into a workshop for the mentally ill, and I was already there, and it was goddamn awful, because the boss treats his sick and (by the way, working for less than minimum wage) workers like shit, since he has no patience for us. And of course, most people who work there are in a worse condition than I am, so they keep trying to make conversation, even though I told them I just want to work in peace.

Yeah...on the other hand; I can't have a "real" job, because I didn't work for over 10 years already, and I'm sure nobody wants to take someone who sits on their ass all day. My future looks bleak.

AAAAAHHH I'm spiraling down again. Positive thoughts! Positivity!

I'm going to do something with my favorite character designs. Probably something with pokemon, since their outfits are really flashy. Maybe work on one of the animal crossing islands.

I can do this, definitly.

I will be creative today, and tomorrow will be tomorrow. No use of thinking of another day than today.

[soracities]

What do you do as a career/for a living? Seeing you say that you didn’t go to college gave me hope because I want to make a living and still be able to work, I guess, without forcing myself to continue higher education, but I’m not sure what path to take or what jobs are available to someone like me. I like to read and write, if that helps!

i think knowing what you enjoy doing can be important but i've also learnt a lot that passions or the things you like don't necessarily need to be the basis of whatever job (or jobs) you pursue -- when i was younger and wanted to be a journalist one of the most important things i was told was simply "don't study journalism": how to write an article or edit an interview wasn't necessarily something that needed to be taught to you; what mattered a lot more was having something important to you that you could write that article about or focus that interview on (or how to give a good interview which really is just down to learning how to be with people which you absolutely don’t need a degree for), and these things happened outside of a journalism degree. i think i tend to take the same approach now with how i look at the things that interest me most for the future: i love literature and i always will, but if i think about pursuing a degree or a “career” at some point, i don't know anymore if i would do so for literature. sometimes it helps a bit more to ask yourself not just what you like doing, but what matters to you in terms of your values: do i want something with a lot of social interaction? why? do i want flexibility or stability? why? what do i care about in my own life, in my community, in what i give to others? how do i want to contribute that, and how i can i contribute to that? what am i curious about, what are the things i want most to improve on or get better at, and how can i go about this? and then finding what aligns with this or will allow you to begin answering those questions by giving you the experience you need. to me, other things answered those questions far more pertinently than literature, even though literature is one of the most profoundly important things to me.

if you’re not sure of what your values are or how to answer any of these then i think the next best thing to do is to immerse yourself in situations that will allow you to learn what these are by teaching you more about yourself as you navigate them. i’m speaking from my own experiences here so they may not be relevant to yours and if not that is okay, but i think it may help you to take advantage of the time you will have when not enrolled in higher ed to explore various avenues you have not been exposed to so far, not necessarily with the idea of “this will be my career” (because i think this puts too much pressure on you, especially if it becomes an experience you realise you don’t enjoy), but more “this is what i’m going to learn through right now”. we’re all expected to know what we want off the bat, but this very, very rarely happens, and i think that’s chiefly down to the fact that you have to let life happen to you first: even the worst or most profoundly boring job will teach you something. if you’ve lived the first 18 years of your life in an incredibly structured environment with relatively little room for you to navigate your own desires and interrogate and develop your own values and aspirations beyond that setting, then of course there is going to be whole landscapes to yourself, and the world, that you haven’t had the chance to consider yet. i think the most beneficial thing you can do for yourself in order to get some clarity on where you want to go is to let yourself explore this as much as you can, and not just in terms of work; i say this a lot but i do genuinely believe that if there are any local organisations or volunteer groups near you with a cause you’re passionate about or want to learn more about then you should absolutely volunteer if you are able to, in whatever way is most feasible. the more people you interact with -- the more varied the people you interact with -- the more your understanding grows in that life is endless in its variations and experiences and there is no right path or wrong path. it will also show you the meaning of community, compassion, and organisation on a level that matters more because you are experiencing the impact of it, and your own actions, directly.

in general i really do think there are a whole range of things that will be available to you, it will just depend on what skills you want explore and / or improve and also what values you want to prioritize and work with and expand at a given time. but i think it’s really important to remember that it won’t necessarily be a fixed thing, nor does it need to be: circumstances change, interests change, values change - you change, over and over again, endlessly. five years ago i thought the only thing i would ever want to work with was literature; now i know better, and what draws me most has hardly anything to do with literature nor is it what i ever would have imagined for myself back at 19. but it is, however far more honest and true to me as a person and what means most to me. and in a way and by extension, it has also become profoundly true for what i hold literature to mean, if this makes sense? again, i can only speak from my experiences and how you go about this will obviously depend on your own circumstances, where you are, what you have access to and various other factors like financial and personal freedom. i think it’s also worth remembering, though, that higher ed is not limited to college -- there are so many courses and diplomas you can do within a far more informal, or at the very least infinitely less stressful environment, and without the full-time commitment of a four year degree. i’m not saying you need to apply to these immediately, or even at all, but they are there for you if, at whatever point you find yourself in the future, they are something you feel ready for at that current point in your life.

university really is not the end all and be all, nor is spending a good few years (or decades) away from it to focus on other things or to simply get your bearings and figure out if it’s even something you want. what matters more, in my view at least, is prioritizing your own curiosity and your own personal circumstances in how you navigate the various paths you want to explore for yourself. there is no right or wrong way to go about this, i promise x

[nerdzzone]

Gaze on the Shore

Summary: As the world starts to reopen, tentatively hoping the worst of the pandemic is behind them, Chris and Whitney face a new set of challenges. With busy work schedules and the pressures of normal life looming on the horizon, will the foundation they’ve built through lockdown be strong enough to keep their relationship steady or will they crack under the strain?

Chris Evans x OFC

18+

Part of the Once Bitten/More Hearts series

Part Nine

Note: This is the last chapter of this part of the series, but there will be more! I’ve already started working on it so hopefully it won’t be too long until I can start posting it. Thank you so much to everyone who has liked or commented on the series so far, it really means a lot to me. I love hearing all your thoughts so feel free to comment or send in your predictions for their future!

_____

Part Ten

A few weeks after we returned home to Massachusetts, Chris and I were both disappointed by the arrival of my period. We were prepared for the possibility that I wouldn’t get pregnant the first month we started trying - especially since our ability to try was limited for most of the first week that Chris was home - but we had hoped that we’d beat the odds and were a little disheartened that it hadn’t happened. There were a few days of moping on my part which I blamed on the hormones that came with that time of the month, but with Chris’ gentle nudging I managed to shake off the melancholy feelings and replace them with determination. As he pointed out - with a cheeky grin - we’d just been given an excuse to spend another month enjoying the process of trying any chance we got.

And we absolutely took advantage of that opportunity. We could barely keep our hands off of each other and spent every available moment working towards our goal, but when we weren’t focusing our energy on trying to have another baby, we were giving it to the child that we already had who was going through a transition of his own.

Because Grayson was starting preschool.

Considering that the pandemic was still not as close to being a thing of the past as we had hoped it would be, we’d agonized over the decision just as we had the year before, but in the end, we figured the benefits outweighed the risk. Knowing that he’d be starting kindergarten the following year, we wanted him to have some experience away from home and in a classroom environment before then and we managed to find a great little place - under the recommendation of Chris’ mom - that only had fifteen other children so his level of exposure wouldn’t be too overwhelming. They also had a policy that all adults wore masks when entering the classroom during drop off or pick up just to add another layer of protection for the kids.

However, all their wonderful protocol didn’t mean that we didn’t still have our fair share of anxiety - for non-pandemic reasons - about the thought of him starting school and we were grateful that his new teachers agreed to meet with us a week before the program started.

“Hi!” Grayson greeted the two women as they opened the door of the classroom and welcomed us cheerily. “My name’s Gray!”

“Hi, Gray, I’m Trish,” One of them introduced herself. “And this is my friend, Sandra.”

Chris and I introduced ourselves as well as Grayson gasped at the sight of the many toys around the room and bolted off towards them.

“Do you mind if he plays?” I asked. “Or would you prefer if he didn’t mess everything up before school actually starts?”

“No, no, he can play,” Sandra chuckled. “It’ll give us time to chat without him getting bored.”

“He’s so excited about coming here,” I smiled. “He’s been talking about it every day.”

“We’re excited to have him! We were thrilled when Lisa called to ask if we had any spots available,” Trish assured us. “But do you two have any questions or concerns?”

“Nothing major,” Chris shrugged. “He’s super confident and social, he’ll probably take it all in stride. We just wanted him to see the space and meet you before the first day so he’d have a bit of familiarity.”

“And we were wondering what we should send with him on the first day,” I added. “Does he need a full lunch or just more of a snack?”

“Well, we give them a snack around ten o’clock - usually just some fruit and crackers - and then they have their lunch around noon just before we go to play outside,” Sandra told us. “So, how much you send is up to you. You can send just a little extra snack or a full lunch if he’s a big eater.”

“Oh, he’s a big eater,” Chris chuckled. “He loves food, he’d probably snack all morning if you let him.”

“There’s a lot of them that are like that,” Sandra smiled as Trish nodded in agreement before continuing the explanation.

“As for what else you should send, we recommend sending a few spare clothes to leave in his cubby. Even if he’s good at using the bathroom at home, there’s often a few accidents when they first start. There’s a lot of distractions and it’s an unfamiliar place so it’s good just to be prepared.”

“That makes sense,” I agreed. “He is great at using the bathroom though and he’s not shy about letting us know when he needs to go so he should be okay.”

“Great,” Trish smiled. “Is there anything that you’d like us to know?”

“Nothing that we’re super concerned about. I think we’re more anxious about him starting than he is,” I explained with a nervous laugh. “But he has been pretty isolated throughout the pandemic, as I’m sure a lot of kids have been. He plays really well with all his cousins, but he hasn’t spent much time around kids that he doesn’t know so we are a little concerned about how well he’ll do with the whole sharing and taking turns thing.”

“Yes, we’re anticipating that we’ll have to work on that with a lot of the kids this year,” Trish assured us. “It’s a hard thing for them to do at this age anyway, but I don’t think he’ll be alone in finding it extra difficult after the last year.”

Chris let out a sigh of relief and I smiled, but it wasn’t something I had been particularly worried about. Grayson definitely had his selfish moments as most children did, but he had a big heart and loved to play with other kids so I didn’t think he’d kick up too much fuss about sharing the toys.

Our conversation continued as they went over the morning routine and asked about allergies and other important things they should know about him. We’d covered almost everything, but it wasn’t until Grayson called Chris over to see the large collection of toy dinosaurs they had that I broached the last important subject.

“There’s one other thing I’d like to talk about,” I hesitantly started. “Chris hates bringing it up, but we would really appreciate it if there was a certain amount of discretion about who Grayson’s dad is. He really is just a normal dad with a weird job so when he’s not working he’ll probably do pick up and drop off just as much as me and I know some people might recognize him, but if we could just not make a big deal about it, we’d really appreciate that.”

I cringed a little at my awkward explanation, but I knew it was something we should discuss. Both of the women immediately put me at ease as they gave me very sympathetic looks and were quick to reassure me.

“Of course,” Sandra nodded. “We don’t care at all who any of the children’s parents are and all of our families this year are really nice, I can’t imagine that any of them would do anything that could put the safety of any of the children in jeopardy.”

“That’s good to know,” I smiled. “It can be hard with him being so well known. We don’t have a big problem with photographers around here luckily and most of his fans are respectful enough not to cause any trouble, but it’s always a risk, you know? We just want Grayson to have a normal school experience, but I know Chris has been worried that his career could make things tough for Gray.”

“We understand completely,” Trish smiled. “If anyone asks, we’ll be as discreet as possible and I can assure you that we’d never let Grayson leave with anyone who hasn’t been approved by you.”

“Thank you. I’m sure it’ll be totally fine, but I just felt like it was something I should mention. We’re so excited for Grayson to come here and we want it to be a positive experience for everyone.”

“Absolutely, that’s what we want too,” Trish agreed and I felt a wave of relief.

I had no doubts that they would be understanding of the situation. They had both been teaching for many years so they were very professional and since they knew Lisa - even if it was just through their work connections - I never imagined them being too bothered about who Chris was, but it seemed like the responsible thing to do to have that conversation.

By the time we left that afternoon, we were all feeling very excited about Grayson starting at preschool the following week. He was thrilled with all the fun toys that he’d get to go back and play with and Chris and I were excited for this next big milestone in his life. It was hard to accept how fast he was growing up, but he was so ready to get out there and start learning and making friends that it left us feeling very confident in our decision to start his education.

-

A week later, on the first morning of preschool, there was a definite nervous energy in our house. Grayson was buzzing with excitement and could barely sit still long enough to eat his breakfast while Chris spent most of the morning watching him like we were sending him away to boarding school and wouldn’t get to see him for months.

“It’s just hard,” he’d insisted when I teasingly called him out on it. “It seems like just yesterday that he was learning to walk and now he’s starting school.”

His words were true, but as much as it was a bittersweet day for us, we had to be brave for Grayson. He did seem fairly oblivious to any inner turmoil that we were feeling though as he dragged us out the door as soon as I’d taken a few pictures of him with his little backpack on and his brand new outfit for his big first day.

It wasn’t until we walked into the classroom that I started to think we might run into some trouble as Grayson froze at the sight of the other children running around. Suddenly looking very shy, he hid behind Chris’ leg and refused to walk any further.

“Hi Grayson,” Sandra greeted him. “It’s great to see you again!”

Grayson had no interest in responding as he buried his face against Chris’ thigh.

“C’mon, bud,” Chris chuckled. “You’ve been so excited all morning.”

Sandra shot us a sympathetic look as Chris’ words did nothing to help.

“Sometimes it’s a little intimidating when they realize there’s going to be other kids here too.”

“He’s usually the life of the party,” I informed her, surprised by his sudden trepidation. “I’m sure he’ll come around soon. Shall we go find your cubby, Gray? You can show us where you get to keep all your stuff!”

Grayson peeked out and nodded his head before moving back just enough to take Chris’ hand. Relieved that he was looking a bit braver, Chris led him into the little room where each child had a spot for their things and looked around.

“Can you see your name?” Chris asked him. “Can you remember what letter it starts with?”

“It starts with ‘G’!” Grayson cheered. “It’s right there!”

He pointed to a spot in the corner that he correctly guessed to be his.

“Good job,” Chris smiled, following as Grayson pulled him towards it. “Can you put your inside shoes on by yourself or would you like some help?”

“I can do it,” Gray told us confidently as he slid off his backpack and unzipped it to pull out his shoes.

Once he was settled on the little bench, I picked up his bag to pull out his spare clothes and put them in the basket with his name on it before putting his lunch kit on the shelf. Chris squatted down, ready to help if needed, and once he was all changed and ready to play, we headed back out into the classroom. He dragged us over to a train set that was on a table in the corner and got Chris helping him build more of the track while he showed me all of the trains. 

“The blue one is my favourite,” a little voice informed us after we’d been playing for a few minutes. All of our heads turned, almost in unison, to see a little boy standing on the other side of the table. “His name is Thomas.”

“It is!” Grayson agreed. “And my name is Grayson.”

“My name’s Jake,” the little boy introduced himself. “Can I play too?”

Grayson nodded enthusiastically and held out the train he’d just been showing me.

“You can be Thomas!”

I smiled proudly at his willingness to include his new friend and we watched them play for a few minutes before I nudged Chris and pointed to the door. He nodded in agreement and turned to Grayson.

“Okay, Gray. Your Ma and I are gonna head home now,” he told him. “But we’ll be back later to pick you up, okay?”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Grayson’s face fell and he frantically shook his head.

“No, Daddy, you have to stay!”

“We can’t stay, Gray,” I reminded him. “We’re too big for school, but you get to play with Jake and all your new friends.”

“I don’t want to,” he decided, putting down the train in his hand. “I want to go home too.”

“You have to stay, buddy,” Chris insisted as he stood up. “But we’ll be back really soon and you can tell us all about your day.”

Within an instant, Grayson burst into tears and threw his arms around me before I could stand up too.

“No, Mama, don’t leave me here!”

I sighed and held him tightly so I could lift him with me as I stood up, resting him on my hip. 

“What’s going on, Gray?” I asked. “You were so excited about starting school and you’ve already made a new friend.”

Poor Jake was watching us as he sat at the train table, looking slightly puzzled by Grayson’s behaviour.

“Do you wanna play with me?” He asked, but Grayson simply let out another wail and buried his head in my neck.

“Wow, I wasn’t expecting this at all,” Chris murmured to me over the sound of Grayson’s tears. “Should we take him home?”

“No, he’ll be totally fine once he settles in,” I insisted to him quietly before talking to Grayson as well. “I know it’s scary doing something new, but you’re going to have so much fun today and we’ll be back so soon.”

“No,” he cried. “Don’t go!”

“Why don’t we stay for a few more minutes?” Chris suggested, looking close to tears himself. 

I somewhat reluctantly nodded my head - as I knew that really, a few minutes probably wouldn’t make much difference - and we all settled back on the floor. Jake seemed relieved that his new friend wasn’t going to leave as he passed Grayson back the train he’d been playing with moments before and the pair of them went right back to what they’d been doing as Grayson fought to control his sniffles. 

We played with them for almost ten more minutes - by which point Grayson had completely calmed down - before we made another attempt to leave, but again, Grayson instantly burst into tears and clung to my legs like he would never see me again if he let go.

“Grayson, you’re going to be totally fine,” I insisted. “We’ll be back before you know it.”

“No, Mama, don’t leave,” he sobbed. “Daddy, I wanna go home.”

I could practically hear Chris’ heart crack in his chest at the sound of Grayson’s desperate plea, but I knew that the best thing would be for him to stay so I held firm despite my own growing heartache about leaving.

“You’re going to have so much fun, I promise.”

He protested again, but to my relief, one of the teachers came over to see what all the fuss was about.

“He’s been so excited all day,” Chris fretted. “I don’t know why he’s suddenly so scared.”

“It’s totally normal,” she assured us. “It’s hard to say goodbye on the first day, but we’ve got lots of really great things planned for today. I was even going to read a dinosaur story later.”

That got Grayson’s attention and I was grateful that she’d remembered that we’d mentioned his love of dinosaurs when we visited.

“You are?”

His little voice was timid and hesitant, but the tears seemed to have momentarily stopped and I was relieved.

“I am,” Sandra nodded. “Would you and Jake like to come and see which one?”

Grayson nodded his head and reluctantly stepped away from me.

“That’s pretty cool,” I told him as I squatted down to his level. “You can go with Sandra and check out the book and then when Daddy and I come back, you can tell us all about it, okay?”

His lip quivered, but he nodded his head and I felt a wave of pride at how brave he was being despite how nervous he clearly was.

“Great, I can’t wait to hear all about it,” I smiled. “Can I have a hug?”

He nodded again and threw his arms around me before pulling away and racing over to hug Chris as well. Once we’d said our goodbyes, he took Sandra’s hand and let her lead him over to their library area as we scurried out the door.

It wasn’t until we got out to the parking lot that I heard a sniffle coming from Chris. I stopped walking and grabbed his hand, tugging enough to get him to turn and face me.

“Are you crying?” I asked as I took my mask off. He shrugged as he did the same, but I could see how glassy his eyes were. “Awe, Chris! He’s going to be totally fine. It’s only four hours.”

“I know, I know,” he nodded. “It’s just fuckin’ heart breakin’ when he’s crying and begging us not to go.”

I smiled and pulled him into a hug, feeling him instantly squeeze me tightly against him.

“I know, but it’s not surprising considering the stories your mom always tells about you crying hysterically every time you started school.”

“That’s true,” Chris chuckled. “I think I owe her an apology for putting her through that because man, this is fuckin’ rough.”

I stayed in his arms for a moment longer before I remembered that there was something we needed to do while Grayson was at preschool. I’d made the decision earlier that morning, but had been too distracted by all the excitement and forgot to loop Chris in.

“Well, I have something to distract you,” I told him, feeling butterflies of anticipation in my stomach as I pulled back enough to look up at his face. “My period is late. Only a couple of days, but I think we should probably go buy a pregnancy test.”

The smile that appeared on Chris’ face was heartwarming. He was instantly grinning from ear to ear as if any guilt he felt about leaving Gray was apparently pushed from his mind.

“Really? Do you think you’re pregnant?”

“I think I might be,” I nodded with a smile. “My period is usually pretty reliable, but I have been kinda stressed about Gray starting school so that could be why it’s late. I don’t feel any different other than my boobs being kinda sore, but I didn’t really have any pregnancy symptoms with Gray straight away either so it’s hard to tell for sure.”

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Chris asked, reaching to take my hand before tugging me towards the car. “Let’s go!”

I laughed and hurried to follow him, feeling the same bubbling excitement myself.

-

Peeing on a stick was always an uncomfortable thing. Even more so when there was a grown man, a few steps away, staring at me and willing that stick to provide a certain result. 

“Chris, I can’t pee with you watching me like that.”

“Why not?” He asked. “You’ve peed in front of me before.”

“I know that, but you’re putting a lot of pressure on me and it’s making it hard to relax.”

“Okay,” he shrugged. “What if I turn around?”

He turned to face the wall and I laughed.

“Chris, no! Just wait in the bedroom. It takes three minutes for the results anyway, I promise you won’t miss anything.”

He sighed dramatically, but did as I asked and slipped out the door. Once he was gone, I was able to relax and do what I needed to do before sorting myself out, grabbing the test off the counter and going out to meet Chris. He was pacing around the room when I walked in and I smiled at the sight.

“Are you nervous?”

My question alerted him to my presence, but he shook his head.

“I’m excited,” he insisted. “I have a good feeling about this.”

“Me too,” I smiled, but after a moment of thought I made another confession. “But I’m scared too. I’m scared that it won’t be positive, but I’m also kinda scared that it will be.”

That got Chris’ attention and he paced over to the bed where he sat down and patted the spot next to him. I took the hint and sat beside him.

“Why does it scare you?”

“Because it’s a big thing,” I admitted. “I’m excited to have another baby, but it’ll be a big change for Grayson and I’m worried that we won’t be able to juggle him and a newborn and they’ll both end up disappointed in us.”

“I know what you mean, but I have no doubt that we can do this,” he told me, his confident tone putting me at ease as he took my hand in his. “I’m sure there’ll be an adjustment period, but Grayson will be an amazing big brother and we’ll make it work.”

“I know,” I nodded before leaning my head on his shoulder. “It’s just that it’s been just the three of us for so long, it’s hard to imagine another little person joining the group.”

“It is kinda hard to imagine,” Chris agreed. “But once we get used to it, it’ll be amazing.”

I took a moment to mull over his words before a smile slid onto my face.

“I think you’re right,” I decided, stretching up to place a kiss on his cheek before sending my gaze down to the test in my hand. “And I seriously hope you are.”

Chris looked down, his eyes widening with a hopeful light in them.

“What?”

I held out the test, a grin sliding onto my face.

“It’s positive, Chris,” I told him. “I’m pregnant.”

Chris glanced at the test in my hand before springing up from the bed with a cheer of joy and excitement. I barely had time to put the test down before he pulled me to my feet and wrapped his arms around me and I couldn’t help, but laugh as he showered me with kisses and gratitude as if I had any more to do with our latest accomplishment than he did.

It was a nerve wracking thing despite the fact that we had planned it, but Chris’ overwhelming glee and enthusiasm was quickly pushing all doubts from my mind. We wanted this - I wanted this - and as Chris leaned back to place his hands on my still flat stomach, I knew that we had more than enough love in our little family to share with the new little baby we’d soon be welcoming and any other babies we chose to have in the future.

-

Tags:  @maggotzombie​ @moonlacebeam​ @mizzzpink​ @zaylaugh @flowery-mess​ @flowerjewels​ @njrronaldo7​ @hockeychick10​ @partypoison00​ @theladybiers​ @sidepieces​ @firoozehmoon @patzammit​ @sparkledfirecracker​ @mytbel0st​ @chvntelle-99 @mjey12​ @denisemarieangelina​ @elrw24​ @findthebeautyinbreakdowns​ @trottae17​

[ladyeliot]

Fragile [1/3]

Part Two

Based on The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary: Who would have thought that fate would bring you face to face with your father's killer? 13 years old, an orphan girl who was taken under the protection of the United States, who was educated to serve the nation and who was now assigned by the CIA to guard what was once one of the most dangerous men in the world.

Warnings: Mentions of murder, psychological problems, violence.

Word count: 2463

A/N: Post Endgame. Sorry for my spelling and grammatical mistakes, English is not my native language, I am learning.

You are waiting for a plane, a plane that will take you far away. You know where you want to go, where you need to go, but you really have no idea where that plane will take you. But it doesn't really matter now, nothing matters because you've lost everything, you have nothing left. Whatever fate throws at you you are willing to accept it, after all you leave nothing behind. That's what you told yourself when in 2009, at the age of thirteen, you boarded that plane that took you out of Iran, when your nuclear engineer father was brutally murdered by someone you could never put a name or a face to. It was not until much later that you discovered the truth of that moment that marked your life forever.

Call it fate, call it chance, but that plane paved your future path. Your destination was the United States, specifically the city of Washington. At the age of 13, when you were a minor, you were detained by the government, assigned to a foster family, preparing you for your future, which already seemed to be written. At 18, the CIA had your position waiting for you, you had been educated and trained for the job, you never had a different opportunity in front of you, but you didn't really want it either.

Your first years within the Central Intelligence Agency you had to learn and live with all the events that that group, called the Avengers, dropped on the nation and the whole world. However, you were not a part of it until it was all over, for like the vast majority of humanity your body vanished from the face of the earth and did not return until years later. That's when it all began. When your superior assigned you a case, his case, to be the shadow of James Buchanaham Barnes, also known as the Winter Soldier, who was going to rejoin society after being pardoned by the government. You didn't know what that meant, what that entailed.

Your move to New York was sudden, the neighbourhood the man had selected to live in was in Sunset Park, a New York borough of Brooklyn, one of the best known ethnic Chinese enclaves. It was really nice, but the building was far less comfortable than the neighbourhood. When you arrived with barely any hot water, you figured that assuming the building looked like it might collapse at the drop of a hat, the plumbing would be no less so. But at least your CIA team had been able to provide you with comfortable furniture and the necessary equipment to do your job.

You had a plan, the plan, you had been analysing Bucky Barnes, his exits from the building, the places he frequented, which were pretty scarce apart from the therapy sessions and the restaurant across the street, and his social relations, which were even scarcer, however he had forged a small friendship with a neighbour in the same building, Yori Nakajima originally from Japan. You didn't have to work out your first meeting, any self-respecting neighbour would help a newcomer to the building during the move.

A dozen cardboard boxes were scattered around the hall of the building, you looked at them with a thoughtful gesture while biting your nails waiting for your dear neighbour to arrive from the laundry next door. You had kept track of the time, and just as you predicted, he came in through the front door with a basket of clean clothes. You continued to look at the boxes, took a breath and exaggerated your gesture of concern, just as he focused his gaze on you.

"Do you need help?" he asked, putting down the laundry basket and approaching you.

You turned your face, still biting your nails, but pretended to be surprised to find him there.

"Oh, don't worry, I only just realised that this building is so green it barely has a lift," you said with a smile, causing Bucky to grin.

"Yes, we like to do our bit for the environment," he said, putting his hand behind his head and then offering it to you in greeting. "Bucky."

"Susan," you smiled and shook his hand, then returned your gaze to the stacked boxes. Evidently that wasn't your real name, it was the name of the person you had invented yourself.

"Come on, let me help you," abandoning his laundry basket he approached your belongings and with barely a reproach he picked up two stacked boxes.

"Oh, God, don't you think you should...?" you began worriedly as you looked at the weight he had taken into his arms.

"Don't worry," he added. "Do you think you could take my clothes?"

That was how it all began. Maybe it could have started some other way, perhaps a chance encounter at the laundromat next door, or when you came out of your government-assigned therapy, or maybe a night at the Japanese restaurant, but no, it was that way. You had no idea how things were going to develop, you had no idea why you were assigned to the case, you were so innocent that you thought it was because of your positive attitude, your willingness to do something relevant, but there was too much hidden behind it that you had hardly a clue. You and that young man were connected, a blood-soaked red thread linked you, but it wasn't until some time later that you discovered it.

Before you knew it, the boxes had gone from being stacked in the hall of the building to being in your small living room. You barely had to feign the surprise you felt as the young man had climbed all four floors in record time.

"OK, who are you? You don't work for a moving company do you?" you laughed and headed towards the small kitchen that was connected to the living room. "If so leave me your card because you'll be the one I call."

"No, not really," he put his hand behind his neck and looked away, he seemed nervous as you tried to start a conversation with him.

"A beer? It's the least I can do," you said, opening the fridge. "Well, and it's the only thing I have apparently."

"Better another time," he commented looking at the basket of clean clothes you had left in the middle of your living room and approaching it to pick it up.

It was at that moment that you noticed the black leather gloves covering his hands, you guessed the fact, surely they were to cover his left hand which complemented his vibranium arm.

"Oh, of course," you closed the fridge the same way you had opened it and leaned against the kitchen island to watch him in the middle of the room with the laundry basket offering you an awkward smile. "Then it only remains for me to thank you again."

"It's been a pleasure," he said without moving from the spot, which made you bite your lip smiling at his awkwardness. "Uh... welcome."

"Thank you," you added, watching him clumsily walk out the door and close it behind him.

The image of Bucky Barnes you had formed in your mind collapsed as soon as you met him. Everything you had seen, read, heard about the man had nothing to do with what you found that morning. Who was this person and what had he done with the Winter Soldier? As soon as you closed the door you opened the box marked 'FRAGILE' and extracted all the archival material that the CIA had compiled for you, and opening your laptop you began to generate your first report on Bucky Barnes, totally contrary to what you had expected to do.

The following days you took it upon yourself to generate spontaneous encounters in the most common places the two of you might frequent. The laundromat or the supermarket were the best selected, you discovered that his lifestyle could be that of any ordinary New Yorker, there was nothing strange, nothing out of the ordinary. You had explained to him the story you had created for Susan, a young immigrant girl who had been adopted at the age of 5 by an American family and had left her small town in the state of Ohio to come to New York looking to live the New York dream. Bucky didn't really talk much, but he was a really good listener. He tended to be quite expressive with his face and as we met, it wasn't so often that he looked away from you, only when you stared at him, which was quite common as his blue eyes tended to evade you too much.

Two months later you received the desired psychological analysis that the therapist had been working on during her sessions with Bucky. Throughout your years of life you had been trained not to engage in any kind of emotional relationship with the cases you were assigned at the CIA, you didn't realise it at first, but it was too big for you. When you opened the envelope, sat down on the couch and began to read each of the reports you felt it, a slight sigh propitiated what was happening, you had felt compassion for him. But who couldn't feel compassion reading that? Session after session, talking about the numerous nightmares that kept him awake, endless lists of his victims he had killed, the tortures HYDRA put him through... it all made your insides churn.

You dropped the papers on the table and thoughtfully paced around the room biting your nails. You had been longing for a case like this for a long time, you had practically begged for it, and now that you were inside it you didn't know if you would be able to face it with a cool head. It was a difficult two weeks, where every conversation with Bucky provoked associations with what you read in the therapist's reports and that made you think too much about what you were doing.

But something happened, one Saturday like any other, your doorbell rang while you were preparing a report to send to your superior, you closed everything running and approached the entrance. As you opened the door the figure of Bucky stood in front of you, while behind him loomed the small body of Yori Nakajima.

"Hey..."

"Come on we don't have all day!" exclaimed Yori tapping Bucky's back with his particular cane.

"I'm coming..." chided Bucky turning his face towards his friend and neighbour.

"Come on!" exclaimed Yori again.

The situation was quite peculiar even for you, who were used to encountering all sorts of situations in your work. Your eyebrows were arched as you leaned against the doorframe waiting for what Bucky was supposed to say. Your two neighbours made a comical but endearing pair. Bucky seemed hesitant to speak, being rather nervous as he fiddled with his gloves, so Yori tapped him again with the cane to push him aside.

"What he wants to tell you is to go on a date with him," Yori said bluntly, to which Bucky exasperatedly sighed and put his hand to his face.

"A date?" you asked arching your eyebrows even more and blinking rapidly.

"Well, it's not exactly that..." began Bucky but again he received another blow from Yori's cane, "Hey! Stop it," he refocused his blue eyes on yours. "I'm sorry..."

"For what, needing help asking me out on a date?" you asked smiling slightly, causing him to do so as well. "Had you come up with any concrete plans or did Yori have to find it for you?"

Your question caused Yori to laugh and leave the place alluding that his work had already been done. You continued to watch Bucky with your arms crossed as you slumped against the door frame. The whole situation was getting too out of hand without you even realising it. You lied to yourself that it could be good for your mission, but none of it was good. At that moment you were just a young girl getting carried away, being asked out on a date by a guy you found really attractive.

"Maybe... tomorrow at eight o'clock? If not..." she asked, putting her hand behind her neck, causing her white t-shirt to ride up and reveal part of her naked lower body.

"Why tomorrow? Why not tonight?" you asked showing complete confidence in your voice.

"Or... sure, tonight," she rectified, nodding.

"All right," you said, smiling, and closed the door, leaving Bucky standing there.

In the back of your mind you were trying to convince yourself that this would be helpful to the investigation, that what the CIA really wanted was for you to maintain contact with him, that he was under your control, that he wouldn't do anything that the government would regret offering a pardon for, and apparently he was. What you didn't know is that it was you who was falling under his control.

Your love life is not what you could call it, you were not someone of long realizations, someone who opened her heart easily, you had never really opened it to anyone, apparently at the age of 13 your heart was broken and of that loving and shy girl there was hardly anything left. Relationships, yes, you had had them, but they were based only on physical contact, no feelings, no emotions, only physical contact. You were stubborn, obstinate and sometimes a little presumptuous, a trump card you played with Bucky, but the innocence was still inside you even if you could hardly notice it.

But believe it or not, those months you were spending in that practically ruined building in the middle of that Brooklyn neighbourhood were changing the course of your destiny, they were connecting you with the loving girl you had once been. Something inside you prevented you from writing reports providing the information the CIA was asking for, it seemed really absurd, but for the last two weeks you had offered details of the conversations you had with Bucky, you were just giving ordinary data, useless to the government, who expected you to relay everything the former Winter Soldier said or did. You would never have thought that anything, or anyone, would have limited your ability to tackle an investigation, but there it was, Bucky had done it in just a few months. You felt so empty, it was easy to connect with someone as empty as you, him.

To be continue...

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[ashlingnarcos]

ok so i read “the dancer” and OH MY GOD that was SO GOOD!!!! i love the character layers you wrote!!! btw that made me think if there would be a situation where benjamin would cheat? like what would be his limit?

hi bestie! let's GET INTO IT

first of all, I wanna define my terms here. cheating, to me, means that Person A is still currently in a relationship with Person B and the two of them have an understanding that Person A is REALLY not supposed to have romantic or sexual relationships with anybody else, but then A knowingly gets together with C. So like, no open relationship stuff, no element of coercion/deception. just straight up, Benjamín knew that it would be against his relationship with Ruth to be with someone else, but he did it anyway. is this feasible?

honestly I feel like yes??? you can get these characters to do almost anything just as you can get anyone irl to do almost anything provided that you have the right circumstances that fit up precisely with the contours of their personality? let's go over what we know about Benjamín

he's a family man & used to also being the patriarch, the leader? even though he's not the oldest (Pancho is), he took that position & he clearly takes it very seriously. in his own mind, his function is to protect, to comfort, & to be there for his family

and honestly he's kind of a homebody & domestic & shit? he loves his wife, he loves his kid very much, he's at his own birthday party wearing literally a plain white t shirt and wanting to go home after one last drink like god bless you just know his ideal location is A Sofa. he’s not hesitant to say I love you and he’s not hesitant to express affection

I guess what I’m trying to say it like for this to happen you’d need an environment where these core qualities remain but the social, familial, and marital situation is basically entirely stripped away? where he’s a family man without a family, a protector without somebody to protect, a comforter without somebody to comfort, like. a man without a future.

not trying to be cruel here but what I’m SAYING is I think he gets kidnapped. I really do. I think he gets kidnapped, but—and this is key—the people who kidnap him? they get fucking killed. by morons, but killed nonetheless. so the people who have him captured now, they don’t want to let him go, but they’re not really sure how to handle the hostage situation and so the whole thing is up in the air. he (Benjamín) is somewhat aware of this, but he feels confident things will turn around.

they do not turn around.

as time goes on, as he’s stuck in the same room with no idea what time of day it is, nothing to do, caged like an animal (worse than an animal—animals get fresh air sometimes, at least, get work to do, at least), hope dies. what I am saying is, his belief in escape dies, and with it, the idea that he will ever see his family again. he knows they are out there looking for him, that they will not stop until they find his body, but at some point, they too must doubt they’ll ever see him alive again. they too must think he’s gone for good.

you’ve seen so far in this world what happens when men have all this hunger and nowhere to put it, all this hatred and nowhere to put it—and let’s be clear, he’s hungrier and most full of hate than he’s ever been, but—have you seen, yet, what happens when a man has all this love and nowhere to put it?

step through that door, and you will.

not so much a step as a stumble, really. they shove you through. you take in the man before you, wary and made warier by the look in his eyes, the lack of reaction there. you’re sizing him up trying to figure whether or not you could take him in a fight, he’s just...he’s barely looking at you. his eyes are open but nobody’s home. his shirt is two sizes too big for him, at least.

the door locks behind you. that explains it.

you avoid him at first, on an instinct, almost a superstitious feeling, that whatever has hollowed him out is something that you could catch, like a disease. you’re not wrong to feel that way. but you are wrong to think you could avoid it. it takes you two weeks to give up on escape—two weeks, broken fingernails, several hours of knocking carefully at the walls, examining the doorframe, outright attacking the man who comes daily to bring your food and take away the bedpan. Benjamín never helps you. He might have, when you attacked the guard, but by time he had crossed the room, the guard already had a gun in your face and you were already telling him to pull the trigger. When Benjamín dragged you away, you felt a frightening urge to lean into it. Two weeks, nobody else but enemies, you’re an animal at the end, here, just an animal, with animal needs, like warmth. Like—

You wait until you think he’s asleep to have your cry. You think he doesn’t hear you. But when he’s awake, later (the next day, probably, but with no dawns, the both of you are terrible at keeping time), he talks to you. He asks you about things so irrelevant that at first you’re almost insulted by it, but then, well, it’s good to talk. After so long. And you ask him questions too, and his name is Benjamín, he has a wife and a daughter both named Ruth, he doesn’t have a sweet tooth but he loves cake for the nostalgia value, his father died when he was young, he’s been forty years old in the head since he was thirteen, he doesn’t much like dancing, he’s been here so long that he thinks he must be dead.

there’s an old metal lunchbox that his father gave him that he saved for his daughter’s first day of school. she is very young and very sick and he is going to miss her first day of school. her first soccer match. her first time driving a car, her first heartbreak, he’s going to miss her graduation, he’s going to miss her wedding, he’s going to miss the way she used to press her heated teary face to his neck when she’d just had a tantrum and wanted comforting, he’s going to miss. fucking everything. he had so many plans.

he tells you this. not all at once. some of it not even directly. but it’s what he’s thinking about, all the time, and what are you? not made of stone. and it feels good, having somebody. somebody to take care of. when you both caught cold, you quarreled about who was sicker and should therefore have the bigger portion of food. he wanted to give you more, and vice versa. ended up at a standstill, of course, but that argument was more or less just: I want to take care of you. I want to take care of you, the only way I can.

his back hurts, sleeping on the floor, and you try to work out the knots with your fingers. your bodies are deteriorating, trapped as you are, so you try to make some kind of work for yourselves, stupid things, mostly exercises he teaches you that his younger brother used to do “for the vanity” as he says, laughing. Ramón, you know it must be, right away. you’re getting to know his family very well, secondhand. he’s getting to know yours. five push-ups in a row. you start playing chess, albeit very badly, because you don’t have a board and you’re just imagining the players and frequently arguing about which ones are where. ten push-ups in a row. there are days he doesn’t want to get up, just wants to sleep forever, and you haul him physically up and almost get into a fight over it, but when he shouts you flinch and that’s the end, he ends it, he stops, he stops himself. fifteen push-ups in a row. you teach him how to braid your hair. for a thick-fingered man he can be precise when he wants to be. you’re going mad, but sometimes it feels almost pleasant. you have learned long ago to fall asleep to the sound of him breathing. twenty push-ups in a row.

they take you away.

the door opens suddenly and they drag you out while you’re still too surprised to fight back, and the door locks behind them and you are in a narrow hallway. behind the door you hear a thump, and a shout. when you’re at the very end of the hall, ascending the stairs, a faint scream.

upstairs, holy shit, a fucking house. you were blindfolded when they brought you through earlier. it’s decent, if bland. no real personality to it, just people passing through, you guess—there’s sleeping bags on the floor, it’s—a guard catches you looking around and cuffs you around the ear. but there’s sunlight coming in the window and when was the last time you saw that? are you supposed to feel some kind of fear when you’re able to see sunlight? they give you a newspaper to hold up, display the date for a photo. you read the date on it, read half a paragraph about the fucking stock market too, hungry, when was the last time you read anything? when they try to take the newspaper back, you hold on with both fists and glare. that’s not a cuff around the ear, that’s a hand on your head, slamming you against the wall. don’t you remember you’re a captive. you refuse to remember it until the third time, head ringing, nose bleeding. okay. so you are a captive. so they took the newspaper and they took away the light too, so they’re marching you back downstairs and the narrow hallway makes you feel fucking nauseous. but you know what day it is. you know what day it is. that is not nothing.

they shove you through the door again and Benjamín is right there where you left him, lunges for you. you can hear the door locking as you tell him what day it is, over and over. it’s something that can anchor everything else, right? his daughter is six years old now. you, you’re thirty-nine. you’re also bleeding onto his shirt, not that it matters. he’s holding you so tight it almost hurts, but that’s how you want it. I’ll come back for you, you say. When they ransom me. You’ll make it to her seventh birthday party.

I’m dead already, he says. It’s all right.

No, I’ll come back. You’ll see.

Okay, he says, but he’s just placating you.

that night, or that time that you both turn tired, he wraps his bloodstained shirt around one of the lightbulbs, breaks it, then breaks the other one. why he needs the darkness for this, you don’t know and you don’t ask. his hand slips under your shirt, runs up your back, slow, palm to spine. warm. in the dark you do find that it’s easier to tell him who he is and what he is and what you want from him. that you want him.

afterwards, he wants to curl himself around you, nose into your neck, and so you let him. he’s got one arm across you, fingers curled over your shoulder, like a seat belt. secure. you could almost believe that.

I’ll come back for you, you say again, like it might be different this time. in the dark, he doesn’t try to answer that. presses a kiss to your neck, falls asleep.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

anon i hope this is what you wanted cause fucking hell i did not expect this to happen and i don’t really know what just happened i think i just went into a trance and wrote some sad shit sorry it happens! it happens!

[cienie-isengardu]

The Lin Kuei? As far as social dynamics and structure. You probably have a lot of these questions answered already, so you might just have to consolidate them... but what do think the Lin Kuei social structure is like?

I know there's the Grandmaster whose above everyone, and the Master Assassins (game characters we know about) and Sifu above everyone else, and rank is probably determined by skill less than birth. Sektor doesn't seem to get any special protection or treatment despite his family tree.

But what exactly is the hierarchy among the members? Who out ranks who? Both in teams, and as a group? What are the inter Lin Kuei relationships like, who feels what about who? What exactly is the qualifications? (Cyrax who I admittedly don't pay much attention to, for example confuses me, since he doesn't seem very impressive as a fighter?) How is rank maintained? I know they probably fight for it, but fighting constantly or to the point of death / serious injury seems counterproductive, even in mk? How is peace maintained? How is punishment dolled out, what constitutes punishment in a aggressively combative society like that, and in such a brutal environment, what is punishment?

If there's other things you think of to answer that I didn't ask, answer those too please. I love how much thought you put into these. Your the best. 🥰

"RELEASE THE RAMBLES!!!"

First off, sorry it took me so long to answer. Secondly, thank you very much for such a wonderful ask! Hope you will not regret once the rambles are set free, because there is a lot to talk about :D

The safest way to analyze Lin Kuei social structures would be to start with some basic question: what is a Lin Kuei? And the answer will be of course a clan, more precisely, a clan using assassins and thieves as its main source of income. But there is also another thing about Lin Kuei that will play an important role in creating and sustaining social structures - the strong independence streak and the pragmatism born from it.

Because the vital part of Lin Kuei is their loyalty to themselves. They work for those who can afford their service, but they aren’t bound to any earthrealm government or outworld ruler. I mean, Shang Tsung/Shao Kahn probably had a long-lived deal with Lin Kuei that benefited clan and in MK9 Lin Kuei offered the emperor their loyalty and service, but we also known that cyber Sektor refused to serve Quan Chi/Shinnok [MKX] once he decided the sorcerer had failed to fulfill his part of contract. Which means at the end of the day, the Lin Kuei benefit was the major goal to achieve. Even Kuai Liang’s reformed Lin Kuei shows this tendency - Sub-Zero will work with other Earthrealm Defenders but he isn’t blindly following anyone and is willing to go against fellow combatants (seen especially in banters with Raiden [MK11] where Sub-Zero questions god’s competence to protect the realm).

Interestingly, Shirai Ryu in the past did offer their service to various Japanese leaders / shoguns and who knows, even in modern days the clan still could have served the government as some special forces in time of need (and in return, have some protection and/or supplies from government?). In contrast, there is little to none information of Lin Kuei being loyal to one country - I mean, the sources usually call Lin Kuei warriors the “chinese ninjas” but we have never seen them showing any sign of national pride, haven’t we? Their only pride comes from belonging to Lin Kuei and their own skills. Another point against connection to any government is the fact that Lin Kuei are operating world-wide and collect people with special powers from over all world (Cyrax comes from Botswana [Southern Africa], Smoke/Tomas Vrbada from Prague [Czech Republic] and even Ice Bros were born in USA in old timeline). So, the fact that Lin Kuei warriors are diverse in terms of their powers and appearance/ethnicity will also affect the social structures.

So, the social structures on one hand must create a society that blindly follows Grandmaster’s will, on another be enough A) elastic to adapt a vast number of different people and B) solid to maintain the clan independence from others, Earthrealm and Outworld alike.

The problem with independence is that Lin Kuei works for the best price which also means constant danger. For warriors sent on missions to the safety of the whole clan. Without a clearly defined loyalty to anyone but themselves, Lin Kuei would be left on its own in case of enemy attack or any other potentially dangerous crisis. So the members of the clan must stick to each other because no one else would do that.

Regardless of type or date of source, the clan headquarters - one or many existing at the same time? - is usually presented as located in a naturally hard-to-reach, isolated place and with a clear defensive character, as can be seen below :

Lin Kuei for ages used naturally hard to invade / attack places like mountain peaks separated from the rest of the world by abyss with a bridge that can be easily destroyed and solid, thick walls to protect the clan. But here is a thing to think about - as much as there were a lot of strong, cunning and skilled warriors, Lin Kuei operated world-wide, taking jobs in various parts of Earthrealm and Outworld and some missions could take months if not years to finish and there was no guarantee that everyone would return. Which means the warriors couldn’t always be available in case of an enemy's attack or other serious crisis.

So, to maintain the defensive advantages, especially in a naturally harsh environment, there should be someone to control and if necessary take care of the state of walls, the bridge(s), residential buildings and so on. Which means Lin Kuei would need access to natural resources (wood, stone, metal) for expansion or repair but also for experienced craftsmen. There is also a matter of access to drinkable water and food supply, the most basic requirement for a clan to survive and thrive.

On one hand, warriors could fulfill such roles too, especially if we take into account a paragraph from Mortal Kombat novel by Jeff Rovin (1995):

They [Lin Kuei] would kidnap children when they were five or six and raise them in secret caves or woods to become superb athletes, great scholars, and unparalleled fighters, able to use all weapons and to improvise arms from common objects such as paper rolled to a knife-point or sand packed into a sock. They would train the children, boys and girls both, to be masters of many trades: carpenters, fishermen, priests, and even beggars, so they could blend in and make themselves useful in different towns as they traveled on missions for their lords.

Many young people died during training: some could not hold their breath for five minutes and drowned, others weren’t fast enough to avoid the weapons of the masters, some starved or froze or dehydrated when they were stranded, naked, in deserts or on mountaintops and told to make their way home. But those who survived were the Lin Kuei.

On the other hand, to become masters of the traders mentioned above, those children needed proper teachers. And yes, the already trained warriors could pass the knowledge to the younger generation but warriors first and foremost were responsible for earning money for the clan which is why personally teaching kids anything other than martial arts seems like wasting a time they could utilize in a better (more profitable) way.

This is why I suspect the social structures of Lin Kuei included various groups responsible for different needs of the clan.

The leader

So, we have a Grandmaster, the ruler. In modern times, pretenders for this title needed only to defeat and kill the current leader to take over the clan. Like Cyber Sektor and Kuai Liang did. But such practice may be just an exception to the long tradition, because Cyber Initiative was an extreme project that divided and ultimately destroyed the old version of clan. Killing the previous owner of the title may have some value (as in, eliminating any potential conflict of interest) but at the same time choosing and teaching a successor sounds much more practical. Because leading such a big clan is no easy feat thus any preparation would be useful and beneficial for the clan’s future. Not to mention the possibility of some secret knowledge that should be passed alongside.

Sadly, we don’t have much information about the inner politics of Lin Kuei. From the crumbs here and there, we know about Sub-Zero and past-Grandmasters that:

→ they could have offspring (example: Sektor).

However the sources don’t define if that was required from them in the form of a marriage or just as a way to secure the continuing inheritance of power (a tradition that Kuai Liang could simply ignore) or from their own choice or if the procreation of a child was unplanned and just happened. Whatever the truth was, in the case of Sektor, “it was never in question that he would join the Lin Kuei.”

The line from MK9 Sektor bio suggests that being a child of a warrior does not give immediate status as a member of the Lin Kuei. This in turn could suggest that not every child begotten by Lin Kuei warriors would be forced to join the clan. Sektor, as the son of the Grandmaster simply didn’t have a choice in the matter and who knows, maybe there is some premature qualification should the child be taken or not.

Another interesting part of Sektor’s BIO is this line: “Though this mission will put his clan in good standing with Shao Kahn, Sektor's ultimate goal is to supplant his father as Grand Master of the Lin Kuei." which may suggests that Sektor wasn’t the designated heir after all so plotted to overthrow his father?. I mean, he was sent to the Mortal Kombat Tournament as a participant and then cyborgized while the Grandmaster himself stayed human with a handful of other members of the clan. Then again, Sektor’s ending suggests that Grandmaster wasn’t surprised much by Sektor’s attempt to take over Lin Kuei, so maybe the killing of the previous leader was in fact a necessary part of rite of passage between old and new ruler?

→ it was against tradition for them to personally train new recruits

Stated in Deadly Alliance, in Frost’s Bio:

The winner was a mysterious female named Frost who seemed to have freezing abilities similar to those of Sub-Zero. Breaking with Lin Kuei tradition, the new Grand Master, Sub-Zero, took it upon himself to train this new recruit.

Interestingly, the Grandmaster was supposed to be the absolute ruler yet there were some traditions that actually regulated his or her participation in daily life of the clan. Kuai Liang simply ignored those and chose Frost as his apprentice, who at least in theory, became his appointed heir. By that logic, Sektor shouldn’t be trained by father, at least not before he gained the official status of Lin Kuei and proved himself worthy of Grandfather’s attention.

→ but it was their duty (choice?) to teach advanced arts to a few selected warriors.

This is mainly seen in Mortal Kombat Conquest TV series. The third episode (“Cold Reality”) gave us Shang Tsung’s explanation about clan and its warriors:

“The Lin Kuei, an ancient sect. Their training is the deepest secret as is their code. They are silent, swift and always lethal [...]. For some, a select few… the Lin Kuei Grand Masters will continue their education into darker areas. Then death comes in more interesting ways.”

Then, through this and another episode, the TV series shows that Grandmaster in fact personally oversees the training of Sub-Zero. So, the training of the new recruits may be against the tradition, but passing the advanced knowledge and the final trials seem to be not. Or at least the trials of the warrior with special (ancient) abilities.

This suggests the social status of a warrior - or any clan member - is affected by Grandmaster’s favor or lack thereof. Those chosen will advance, become more powerful and thus sent on more dangerous yet profitable missions. With a successful streak of missions, their notoriety will grow between prestige clients and the Lin Kuei community for good strengthening their social position. And who knows, one day they could take the place of (grand)masters in the inner circle serving closely the leader? On the other hand, those whose loyalty or skills get doubted by the Grandmaster are punished in several ways.

Inner Circle / Ancient (?) Masters

The same as with Grandmasters, there is little confirmed information about Lin Kuei masters. Bi-Han/elder Sub-Zero seemed to be favored by Grandmaster who called him the “our most cunning assassin and thief” (Mythologies: Sub-Zero) but it doesn’t sound like he was one of the inner circle.

In Mortal Kombat: Defenders of the Realm (episode 5, “Old Friends Never Die”), Kuai Liang mentioned “Ancient Masters” who decided to change warriors into cyborgs, while in the Mortal Kombat Conquest TV show we could see that Grandmaster keeps talking to some men about Sub-Zero’s training and powers. Interestingly, those men had uniforms looking more like his own than of any warrior.

(If Lin Kuei co-operated with Shang Tsung for ages, their life-span could be extended by sorcerer’s magic. Or, their own special abilities allow for such a long life. Thus the name of ancient masters?)

I think it is right to assume those masters formed an inner circle that advised the leader and helped in training the chosen warriors and most likely oversaw specific operations / aspects of the clan's life. Most likely with Grandmaster, they made the higher command and were the law.

Warriors

In the simplest way, this is the working class that earns money and builds the reputation of the clan. The warriors were the main source of incoming profit for the clan, but it wasn’t just material goods from assassinations and stealing but most likely also important intelligence data that Lin Kuei could use for its benefit or sell on. Thanks to them, Lin Kuei was also feared and respected in Earthrealm and Outworld alike.

So, on one hand, being a warrior in itself was a prestige rank that gave a chance to gain fame. The skilled and smart could advance into higher positions (the master assassins and thieves) and maybe even get Grandmaster’s attention. On another the life of a warrior was the most dangerous and hazardous occupation in the clan with little prospects for a long life. The victory was paid in warrior’s blood and pain while punishment for failure was severe and harsh.

The easiest way to classified them would be those two categories:

→ the common ones,

in games and comics looking alike, without distinctive features. It is hard to tell, if they possess any special abilities, if they were blood related to each other, what kind of missions they took.

→ the master assassins and thieves,

whose uniforms and weapons are modified to their personal taste and style of fighting and who have greater independence than warriors from the first category. I think it is right to assume that named warriors should be classified as such. So we have Sub-Zero/Bi-Han, Tundra/Kuai Liang, Smoke, Cyrax, Sektor, Frost, comics!Hydro.

Yet, this division may be in fact disastrous due to lack of enough sources. I mean, the lack of individuality does not necessarily imply a lack of appropriate abilities and for all we know, the “nameless” members just wear proper uniforms for their duties. Something that maybe even the named characters would wear if any source actually showed their downtime between missions. Frankly, the classic “ninja look” also makes everyone look alike, with only proper colors to distinguish between characters. Like the old comics version of Sub-Zero and Hydro - the main detail to tell them apart was the color of their eyes because both wore the typical Lin Kuei blue and dark uniform.

There is a lot to say about Lin Kuei warriors, so I will focus only on the aspects most vital to the subject and the role and effect it has on the Lin Kuei social structures.

→ armors, uniforms and their colors

Lin Kuei seems to have various uniforms, from those with plain (“classic”) look to very ornamented ones. Like I mentioned earlier, there may be an established type of clothes the warrior should wear on duty between missions while during the job the uniform was personalized due to the owner's skills and preferences. Some more advanced designs could be also a sign of personal achievements and were given / passed down (as family heirloom?) to said warriors.

The most noticeable thing however is the color. Since most clan members shared some kind of blood-ties (thus specific set of genes), the color may represent their connections to a specific branch of the clan. For example, blue was used by cryomancers and those warriors who had water-related powers. At the same time, blue seems like the most common color used by Lin Kuei. It makes sense for Kuai Liang’s warriors to use such tone, as to honor their leader and maybe even cut off from the dark past of the clan but frankly, Sub-Zero’s freezing power was called “ancient one” in Mortal Kombat Conquest TV series that alone was set ages before the last tenth Tournament happened, so maybe the ice/water always played a big role through the history and Lin Kuei simply adapted it for its common use? As to combine the reputation of the clan with the terrifying powers of cryomancers?

There is also grey color used by Smoke that fit well to his special power and yellow worn by Cyrax. Albeit if that has any connection to his unique genes or is just a color for a specific branch of clan or just esthetic, hard to tell.

Then we have a red color that most commonly is related to fire, something that Sektor frequently used at least in the new timeline. At the same time, various Grandmasters used red / reddish or burgundy colors (examples: [1] Mortal Kombat Conquest TV series, [2] Mythologies: Sub-Zero, [3] Sektor’s Ending in Mortal Kombat 9). So the red accents on Sektor’s uniform may in fact be a sign of his blood-ties to the leader (or leading family?).

Whatever true reasons lie behind the meaning of colors, Lin Kuei warriors seem to be segregated in certain smaller groups. Interestingly, even if Sektor’s red color in fact symbolised his connection to Grandmaster, this played little to none role in the MK9 game. Of course, the source did not show much inner dynamic between Bi-Han, Sektor and Cyrax but even with so limited space, Sub-Zero was the central figure in the group screen time which makes an impression he was in fact the leader. Then, the argument about the Cyber Initiative project happened only between Sektor and Cyrax, which could also imply Sub-Zero outranked them so they did not want to bring attention of their superior to their personal conflict. Especially since disobedience to Grandmaster was a serious crime.

→ codenames

Mortal Kombat X and 11 provided information that Shirai-Ruy does have some system of official ranks including the term Chujin that in general was a middle rank between ninjas (Takeda Takahashi is a known example). Lin Kuei has complex social structures but as far as we know, they do not use analogous to Japanese ninja system of ranks and yes, I know I categorized the named characters as the master assassins and thieves but frankly, I don’t remember other warriors to refer to them as such. The warriors just called each other by codename and various sources say the codename wasn’t something that permanently belonged to one individual. The name of “Sub-Zero” is the best example since it was used by many warriors through the course of a long period of time.

In both timelines, Bi-Han and Kuai Liang come from lineage of cryomancers serving Lin Kuei

and currently have ongoing conflict to whom the codename truly belongs. Because apparently, the name is passed to new generations once the younger cryomancer will prove their worth, most likely, by defeating the present champion. This does not mean that one must die because frankly, “retired” cryomancer still could teach adepts or serve the clan in a meaningful way. Also, which is very prominent with cryomancers, their mastery over ice grew stronger with passing years, so Bi-Han and Kuai Liang’s Grandfather in fact could be a pretty powerful warrior even as an old man.

The important thing however is that, the codenames may determine the position in clan hierarchy. We don’t have a way to analyze the subjection between codenames and social status of Sektor, Cyrax or Smoke but names used by cryomancers may define their level of mastery over ice. The title of Sub-Zero has existed for ages and I think it is right to assume this is a codename intended only for the best of the best. Sadly, we don’t know how high in the hierarchy was “Tundra” but we can’t cross the possibility that Bi-Han at some point in his career used that name too, before he managed to earn the mantle of Grandfather’s name.

So, Lin Kuei may not use typical ranks and instead stick to codenames passed from one generation to another. Thus no one is addressing Bi-Han as the master assassin and thief but everyone knows that the person using the codename “Sub-Zero” is one of top warriors in the service of the clan.

→ combat experiences, teachers and retirement

Combat experience is something that affects a warrior’s position in a clan because no amount of training (even as hellish as training of Lin Kuei adepts) will be the same as real life and death struggle. The more experienced a warrior is, the more valuable become to the clan. At the same time, old age will slow down even the best of the best fighters at some point. Surprisingly, the first game mentioned (hinted) the idea of retirement in Lin Kuei in Sub-Zero’s (Non-Canonical) Ending:

"After receiving the title of Grand Champion, Sub-Zero disappears back into the shadows from which he came. His only goal in the tournament was...the assassination of Shang Tsung. He was paid a large sum of money by one of Tsung's wealthy enemies. With his mission accomplished, Sub-Zero will collect his fortune and retire from his dangerous profession."

The original Sub-Zero was usually described as 32 years old. Which doesn’t sound old, but if we take into account the previously mentioned passage from the book, the teachings started at the age of 5 or 6 which could mean Bi-Han already survived two decades of harsh servitude to the clan (that abducted him and his younger brother). No one leaves Lin Kuei but there is a possibility that at some age the warrior may step down from the dangerous profession. Then, such a “retired” fighter could train adepts and young, less experienced members of the clan and maybe even start a family that will produce offspring - preferable with special powers - to supply the clan with new recruiters.

Because of that I assume that warriors in their prime were used mainly to do the dirty job and get as much money and valuable items as possible. Once they survived to a certain age, they shared the gained wisdom with less experienced fighters. We don’t know how students and teachers (“sifu”?) were assigned to each other; it may be related to their family ties or similars powers (cryomancers teaching cryomancers, like Kuai Liang and Frost) or the veterans picked youngsters for certain skills or traits that made them worth the time and effort. Anyway, veterans, as those who survived years of service, should be placed high in the hierarchy. Because their experiences and wisdom help to shape a new generation of warriors earning money and fame for the clan.

→ they work alone, in pairs or in bigger groups.

We rarely see the “nameless warriors” working alone - in case of danger or mission, they form a small army and do as they are commanded by Grandmaster (MKX) or one of master assassins, like Bi-Han (Mortal Kombat 2021). In contrast various sources show that named characters usually worked in pairs (Smoke & Tundra, Cyrax & Sektor, Sub-Zero/Bi-Han & Hydro) or alone (Bi-Han, Frost) and in some special cases, commanded larger groups of warriors.

This is an interesting detail, because all the named warriors seem to be to some degree familiar with each other even though it looks like they were permanently paired. Of course, training together will have this effect, but Lin Kuei operated world-wide and in different realms so it is not guaranteed that warriors had time to hang out between missions or to be at the same time in headquarters. If they possessed diverse, opposing elements, after passing the trials and earning the title of warrior, they could be trained separately. Thus again, a smaller chance to form (forbidden) friendship. Which is why I think there must be some exercises that force fighters to cooperate or test their skills in some sort of tournaments. Partially to see how well they fare in fight (thus judge their usefulness to clan), partially to establish hierarchy between them.

Who and how decides about pairing certain fighters is completely a mystery. On one hand, Hydro (water) and Sub-Zero (ice) were compatible and probably naturally increased their own powers. But we also have Kuai Liang (ice) and Tomas (smoke) whose elements seem like not the best combination since Smoke’s power should work better with fire (at least his battle cry, “Where there is Smoke, there is fire!” suggests that) and there is Cyrax and Sektor who powerwise may work well, but their mindsets are extremely different.

Are warriors forced into such partnerships by their superiors or were they allowed to find the right partner, sadly we do not know. On one hand, the dynamic between named characters makes an impression they are in fact an equal partners - Smoke joined Kuai Liang in his quest for revenge on his own (MK9), Sektor didn’t manage to force Cyrax into submission before the man left the clan. Comics!Sub-Zero and Hydro were so close that “Bi-Han” wasn’t afraid to admit his fears of undead Scorpion relentlessly haunting him and Hydro was supportive all the time (“Blood and Thunder”). On the other hand, partnership could provide additional safety and increase the chances of survival during missions and maybe even uphold an already earned social position, so the warriors may seek each other for solely pragmatic reasons, even more since friendship was seen as a weakness and forbidden. I also suspect that though partnership between two warriors was based on mutual benefits, there could be fierce competition between pairs.

Surprisingly, all known to us partnerships are between male characters. There is no gender-mixed duo as far as sources are concerned (unless comics!Hydro was female, trans- or agender person and frankly, for 4 comics issues only one narrator box used the pronunciation of “he” for Hydro, while Scorpion was constantly called by Lin Kuei, other characters or narratives as “he”, which always makes me wonder about Hydro’s gender. Or did comics!Lin Kuei warriors talk about themselves in third person to not betray their and their comrades true identity / gender?). Regardless of the nature of said partnership, those working together share a strong bond. Kuai Liang and Tomas outright considered themselves very close friends (family) despite clan rules that forbidden friendship. Bi-Han was willing to show his weakness / fear to Hydro who in return was very protective of him and even Sektor shows a pathological need to keep Cyrax at his side despite all the oblivious signs how unwise this decision is. Frost, sadly, didn’t have any named partner (what may be related to her role of chief between female Lin Kuei warriors) and if she was included in an important mission, she partnered Grandmaster (MK: Deadly Alliance). And their collaboration was based on a master-apprentice relationship, so it had none of the equality that characterizes the previously mentioned duos.

Of course, ultimately, the warrior who works alone does not need to share the fame (and earning?) with anyone. Bi-Han is the best example of that (Mythologies: Sub-Zero, Mortal Kombat novel (1995) or his bio from the original game). And yes, every warrior should be capable of completing the job, but though weak Lin Kuei fighters may look superhuman in Earthrealm they will not last long in Outworld.

And that brings us to another important matter:

→ the place of activity.

Because those who work frequently in Outworld by default should be considered better in the combat area. But at the same time, Lin Kuei must have a wide and well organized spy network, to keep track of all potential recruits (Smoke and Cyrax), access to science research and laboratories and so on. So, especially in modern times, combat skills may not be the most appreciated feature anymore and some Lin Kuei warriors, no matter how weak they are compared to others, will still have their special value to Grandmaster’s plans. Due to the nature of spying, they could also work alone or in small groups far from their homeland. Thus, operate outside the social hierarchy established between other warriors.

→ Punishments

A warrior could die on mission at any moment, but also could be killed for various offenses, such as:

Leaving the clan - punished by death and this seems to be a consistent punishment in all sources. Of course a determined warrior could manage to successfully run away (like Takeda, the founder of Shirai Ryu or Kuai Liang did) but Lin Kuei does not forget such crime and will hunt down the fugitive for years. The best example comes from the Mortal Kombat book, in which Sub-Zero spent two decades hunting down his own ex-partner in crime to kill him in a brutal way in front of the man's family.

So even if someone managed to run away and start a new life, there was no escape from the clan's wrath. In the modern time, Cyrax was captured and cyborgized - for him, it was fate worse than death. This actually brings the question, if there were warriors responsible for hunting down fugitives or was it the duty of those whose partners broke the sacred rule of “no one leaves Lin Kuei”?

Failure of mission - another known major crime punishable by death yet most likely not applies to Kuai LIang’s reformed clan.

In the Conquest TV series, by Grandmaster’s order two warriors that failed the mission were killed by then current Sub-Zero. This was as much public execution to show others what happens once you fail as presenting the ice powers of freshly promoted cryomancer:

“Before you stand two who have failed. For this there can be but one consequence and it must come from within, within us. Earth, wind, fire, water. To control one element of the four that make up life is power. A twist of nature, an aberration, one who brings forth true killing force. Before you stand one whose ancestors have passed on such power to us. Remember this well. Behold... Sub Zero. [Grandmaster’s speech, episode 3, “Cold Reality”]”

This is just one example from the distant past but it may also be a suggestion that warriors with special powers played the role of executors.

Another example, from Mythologies: Sub-Zero, thus relative modern times:

Scorpion: Yessss... I am Scorpion. You killed me in cold blood.

Sub-Zero: I had no choice. If I had not stolen that map I would be the dead one.

Frankly this attitude is both inhuman treatment of subordinates (failure in itself is just another source of experiences and sometimes failed mission wasn't the result of someone’s mistake or incompetence but of independent circumstances) and unpragmatic (losing manpower). We may only wonder if warriors were punished for failing all kinds of missions or just selected ones. At the same time, a fighter that survived to old age should be really respected - with such harsh laws, not many members live to old age and those who did through the decades failed little to no missions.

Lin Kuei punished also impostors:

which brings us back to the point about codenames and their relationship with social position (and hey, Noob’s complaints aren’t baseless). We don’t know though what kind of punishment was used for such an offense.

Disobeying Grandmaster was also a big deal. I suspect this could be punished by death too although rather not in Kuai Liang’s clan:

“When Sub-Zero made historic peace with his clan’s enemy, Scorpion, defiant Frost challenged her Grandmaster as unfit to lead. Sub-Zero defeated and banished Frost. [MK11]”

In general, Lin Kuei laws were harsh and cruel and it was really easy to lose such hard-earned privileges and positions.

Recruits

In ancient times, children were abducted at the age of 5 or 6 and forced into harh training. Some didn’t survive but those who did became fully pledged to Lin Kuei warriors. In modern times, it seems like most adepts have some blood-ties to other members of the clan and usually are “given” for training freely. There are exceptions to the rule, like Bi-Han and Kuai Liang, who were stolen from home at a young age. Finally, there are people who seem to join Lin Kuei on their own (or at least they think it was their choice), like Smoke, Cyrax and Frost.

(Tomas and Frost are confirmed users of special powers. Cyrax most likely possesses some unique genes too or at least is capable of well controlling his own energy (chi) during fight. Frankly, it looks like Sektor is the only one named Lin Kuei who does not utilize any special power. Ironically, considering how Grandmaster (Oniro) from Defenders of the Earthrealm was shapeshifter. Who knows, maybe Sektor didn’t inherited father’s unique skills?)

So even recruits are a diverse group to begin with and include people ethnically totally different from the majority(?) who needed to learn a new language(s) and culture from scratch. This alone gives a ground for potential conflicts though there is little to none examples of racism between Lin Kuei adult members? I mean, Lin Kuei used to look down on everyone who wasn’t one of them all the same, with special hatred for Shirai-Ryu - not for being Japanese (different ethinc group) but just for being Shirai-Ryu.

The adepts were trained by older warriors and looking at Sub-Zero’s origin (MK9), some adepts trained with family members (Kuai Liang and Bi-Han and maybe even under their Grandfather’s eye?) and teacher (Sifu?) could train more than one student at the same time.

In a way, those coming from the lineage of warriors could be from the start at better social standing than those who were “no ones” or came from far away lands and needed to earn respect of others. Those blood-related to clan members either developed specific powers during training or at least possesed special DNA that could be passed down to the next generation. So, even if those children weren’t the best of best fighters, they still have something valuable to the clan.

At the same time, again, Sektor doesn’t seem to have any special privileges, not once in game(s) called his father as anything other than Grandmaster and in general, he did not have much presence (respect?) between other warriors. I mean, he freely spoke only with Cyrax who in the end did not listen to him at all and almost always fell silent if there were more people around. So yeah, how big an impact on social dynamic between fighters had their blood-ties is not sure.

I’m not gonna talk much about the life of adepts (and there is a lot to say about potential pathologies and harm done to the kids), but they for sure were the lowest rank in (warrior) hierarchy, at least until they proved their worth.

So, the Lin Kuei warriors could be separated in three categories, from lower social rank to the highest:

adepts (in-training, maybe assisting in missions under the watchful eye of their superiors),

warriors (the one earning income),

veterans (teachers)

and the circle was completed.

(For some reason, the circle of Lin Kuei warrior life resembles the “Three-field system” but I have weird associations, I guess).

Household?

When we talk about the Lin Kuei clan, the first association that comes to mind is its warrior nature. But with such a large organisation, warriors are just one social class rather than the majority. Because someone needs to feed them, cloth, arm, heal, which seems logical to assume that there were other specializations that keep the clan running.

I mean, Lin Kuei is an independent faction that as far as we know, has no ties to any earthrealm government. This alone suggests to keep that independence the clan have to possess their own source of food, water, medical supplies and access to other necessary resources, so no enemy could besiege their strongholds and starve them and so on.

⇒ The medics will be for sure an appreciated branch of the clan. And yes, warriors to some degree must have medical knowledge (if not to save people then at least to know how to successfully kill them) but at the same, with so many specific genes and used in fight elements, some Lin Kuei members may have different medical needs than normal people.

⇒ Armorers (and smiths?) provide clan additional defensive equipment and weapons. And we know that even in modern times Lin Kuei barely used firearms and relied more on shurikens, knives and swords.

⇒ Scientists, computer experts and researchers, especially in modern times when C.I. Project became a thing, most likely playing a big role in the clan, fulfilling Grandmaster’s wish to change warriors into cyborgs. May not be liked by the traditionalist members of Lin Kuei, but favored by the leader (so be untouchable).

⇒ Farmers and craftsmen, providing the clan with the basic needs. I doubt they had much impact on social dynamics and may not even live on the grounds of the Lin Kuei Temple / Fortress. I imagine them living in the surrounding villages (or at the foot of the mountains?), giving the Lin Kuei food and handicrafts (and maybe even their own children?) as a tribute, and in return get protection.

My conclusion is that, Lin Kuei have pretty complex social structures in which Grandmaster and his closes circle administrate the whole system, warriors, depending on their age and expertises, are responsible for earning money and prepare the new generation to replace them, while household is there to keep previously mentioned groups alive and in the best condition. Everyone plays a role that helps to maintain Lin Kuei independence and reputation.

So, finally I get to the main part of the question about the dynamic between characters.

Who outrank who is a good question. The Grandmaster of course is above everyone else and so are the “ancient masters” / inner circle. Bi-Han seems to be one of the favored warriors by Grandmaster, the only(?) one confirmed to be the most cunning assassin and thief and the use of a codename associated with “ancient power” only adds to that impression. So, in regard to the named five characters (him, Kuai Liang, Smoke, Cyrax and Sektor) I would say Bi-Han outranked everyone. At the same time, he does not act arrogant against his fellow clansmen. Okay, to be honest, he seems to not interact much with anyone but that is rather the abrasive, asocial nature of cryomancer than anything else, really. And we have examples from various sources that Bi-Han wasn’t always rude to people around him. (Noob is another deal, but even then he has a more passive-aggressive attitude toward his brother than outright hate / arrogance).

Anyway, Bi-Han outranked the others. And yet, he does not seem to perform any special social functions - except maybe at Grandmaster’s command executing those who failed. In contrast, in MKX intro vs. Sonya, Frost was described by Kuai Liang as “chief among [female Lin Kuei]” which implies her high rank and responsible position in social structures.

One may wonder why Bi-Han most likely wasn’t given similar honor but to be an effective chief, the person must be available and close at hand. Going with Mythologies, the elder Sub-Zero barely came back from one mission (stealing map of elements) to be sent right away for another difficult task (stealing Shinnok amulet and side trip to Netherrealm) and then next one (Mortal Kombat Tournament). Of course, the game due to its limited time and space, won’t focus on realism such as making a proper preparation for the job but even if Bi-Han was allowed little rest between one and another mission, it really looks like he didn’t spend much time at Lin Kuei Temple. Thus there was no point in giving him any big group to oversee, if he wasn’t available to control what was going on between his subordinates. Also, he seems pretty familiar with Smoke and Kuai Liang’s close relationship but there are not many hints that he tried to do something about their breaking clan rules forbidding friendship.

Then again, there is a possibility that Kuai Liang, Smoke, Cyrax and Sektor did in fact belong to Bi-Han’s own “cohort” what could explain

A) why all the five characters are always so closely tied up to each other while the rest of clan members are just a background and

B) why with Sub-Zero’s death everything went to hell between them.

(And again, the amount of duties to female Lin Kuei could keep Frost from leaving headquarters too often, thus no need for partnership with anyone. Because of that, she grew angry at Kuai Liang for “holding her back” and at the same time not respecting enough to grant her the title of Sub-Zero).

Pragmatic resolution to solving inner conflict would be some kind of neutral judge (chief) and the fight for rank and position most likely happened under watch of superior(s). As in, official challenge, especially for top ranks like Sub-Zero. The official fight did not need to end with someone’s death but this could be one of rare situations when a warrior could kill the other fighter - or even the hated teacher / master? - without much consequence. Of course, Lin Kuei proved pragmatism is not always a priority but I strongly believe the clan structures were based on discipline and so arbitrary fights were also severely punished. What is the point of having warriors if they can’t be sent to earn money due to unnecessary injuries? Also, corporal punishment in itself shouldn’t be that big deal for society growing up in brutal ways since early childhood - which is why I suspect that the punishments were administered in public. As a form of humiliation, to force the guilty people to earn respect of fellow warriors again from scratch.

I suspect that warriors could be separated into smaller groups - basing on their special powers or family connection? - that competed with each other. Age could also regulate how one person should act around the others; for example, like youngling around veteran or fully trained fighter. Not sure how this rule could relate to those representing “household”. Were there laws protecting them or could they be bullied/killed on whim? Could warriors even be involved romantically with “servants” / lower class? The good thing from such affair could be the birth of children given to the clan once they were old enough and well, sex with “outsider” in itself can be a good way to relieve the warriors growing tension / stress resulting from living in a brutal environment without complicating things between companions. To be fair, some warriors could have romantic / intimate relationships with each other as well but most likely kept them secret to avoid punishment.

There is also a matter of who and how chose warriors to represent Lin Kuei at Mortal Kombat Tournament. I mean, Bi-Han was always the first choice, supported by the first game and Mythologies but did he choose Sektor and Cyrax as his companions or they naturally were chosen as part of his group or did Grandmaster assign them to Sub-Zero on his own? Dunno but keeping the five named Lin Kuei warriors together through the course of years really makes me think they came from the same, for a lack of better word, a cohort.

Cryomancers most likely stuck together (Bi-Han and Kuai Liang) and Smoke tagged along. Cyrax looks like an easy going type of person who isn't afraid to speak his mind so I wouldn’t be surprised if he were either on good terms with most clan members or pissing the rest while human Sektor, in contrast, is much more introverted, or even withdrawn from social interaction. This is of course only my subjective feeling, but he lacks a dominant presence to make a big impression. Not like the older Sub-Zero or Cyrax. Then we have Tundra!Kuai Liang whose loyalty belongs first and foremost to an older brother than the clan itself and to honor Bi-Han he will get into all sorts of dangerous problems and conflicts not caring for consequences at all. A behaviour that may not sit well with Sektor (even more, if he never had such a strong bond with own father/other people?). Sektor and Kuai Liang have a long history of ideological conflict and I suspect they truly could agree only about not giving up Cyrax’s remains to anyone and whatever was going on, protect the body at all cost.

Interestingly, as much as Kuai Liang and Tomas or Kuai Liang and Cyrax were close and on good terms (especially after the fiasco of C.I. project), Bi-Han and Sektor seem to be much closer to each other. If not in the stricte emotional sense, they at least share the pride in Lin Kuei and strive for perfection (manifesting itself in accepting their drastic changes for example). Even with limited sources, the storyline never(?) put Sektor and Bi-Han against each other, either as humans or cyborg and wraith and I strongly suspect there may be something much deeper about their relationship that lack of interaction on screen could suggest in the first place (x)(x).

Then we have tradition vs technology.

This most likely is a modern issue that could be the basis for serious inner conflicts between warriors. Those taking jobs in Outworld for sure must be powerful fighters, especially since technology is not something working well there. Bi-Han in most if not all sources was a traditionalist who didn’t use much or outright refused to use technology and I wouldn’t be surprised if he worked in Outworld frequently (especially Bi-Han in the newest movie was presented as a close associate of Shang Tsung). For the weaker warriors, advanced technology could be a life-saver. Then there is the whole Cyber Initiative that divided (and ultimately destroyed) Lin Kuei. For such a project, the clan either worked with independent / private researchers and cybernetic experts or actually had its own specialists (another possible social group?).

From MK9 we know Cyrax spoke in public against Grandmaster’s plan. In Defenders of the Realm, Smoke and Kuai Liang run from the clan at the first occasion to avoid such fate. Logically thinking, Sektor (supporter of the advanced technology) should not get along well with Bi-Han (stubborn traditionalist), the same as he fell out with Cyrax, Smoke and Kuai Liang. And yet there is not much evidence suggesting any big conflict between them. Of course, Sektor could simply not speak against his superior(?) the same as he argued with Cyrax but in all fairness, I doubt Bi-Han’s lack of use of technology was a secret not openly critiqued by others. I mean, even comics!Kuai Liang said about his brother that Bi-Han was “stubborn in many ways, refused to utilize modern technology on his missions. A shame, really. He was among the Lin Kuei’s finest --although fast becoming obsolete”. If Sektor and Bi-Han (and the rest of the group) worked together on joint missions, the issue of technology would come sooner than later. Though I suspect that no matter what Sektor would say, Bi-Han outstubborn him anyway. On other hand, it looks like only Sektor needed/chose to use advanced technology (flame thrower) while the rest relied on their special powers. In that case, being Sektor between gifted people for sure was a hard deal.

So, if I have to rank them I would say Bi-Han → Sektor & Cyrax who most likely were at least a bit higher than Kuai Liang (younger cryomancer) and Smoke. In case of conflict, I think as long as it was possible, they solved their problems among themselves. Bringing authority (Grandmaster, one of chiefs(?) or Bi-Han)’s attention was never a good idea because it could lead to public punishment / humiliation. Bi-Han may or may not knock some sense into others if the inner conflict gets out of hand or at least told them into face how idiotic they are (and he is pretty famous for insulting/mocking even those he shouldn’t. Like Quan Chi, a powerful client. Which is why I doubt he would tone down his natural abrasiveness. Especially not for an idiot that actually deserves it ).

And yet, whatever conflict was between those five characters, they still stayed loyal to each other. At least until someone outright broke one of the most punishable laws, like leaving the clan.

For example, Cyrax and Sektor argued about C.I. project - and most likely it was already an ongoing argument between them. Cyrax even was “among those speaking out against the Grand Master’s plan”. Not a good thing for their partnership yet Sektor still vouched for Cyrax when Shang Tsung had his doubts about the man. Or how Bi-Han changed sides during Tournament (MK9) - otherwise his fight against Scorpion would have zero sense - and maybe he did discuss the course of his action with his fellow clan members. But whatever he told or not what was going on, Cyrax was absolutely ready to kill Scorpion to avenge fallen cryomancer (“Scorpion will pay for this!”). Then we have Smoke not abandoning Kuai Liang even though he was already turned into Cyber Sub-Zero and attacked his friend and of course furious Tundra interrupting the Outworld Tournament and literally demanding from the Emperor to bring him Bi-Han’s murderer to kill. Hell, even Noob and Cyber Sektor stick to each other despite everything that happened.

Those five were a really loyal group, weren’t they?

So, in general:

the social structures of Lin Kuei were diverse and complex,

the punishment was harsh and deadly - in some cases, executed by a fellow warrior in public.

Bi-Han most likely had a high position in clan hierarchy but he wasn’t outright called a master

and there is possibility Sektor, Cyrax, Smoke and Kuai Liang worked under his command.

Most of the Lin Kuei members share blood ties to some degree but experiences and skills seem to outrank any family bond. In contrast to friendship, keeping touch with family (within the clan) is rather not forbidden. There may be a conflict between friendship (a choice) and family matters (a fate / tradition of serving Lin Kuei to uphold).

Kuai Liang and Smoke broke clan rules forbidding friendship (and Bi-Han did nothing about that?).

Cyrax most likely were familiar with Tundra and Smoke enough to like / respect each other. In the case of Tomas, the additional factor for keeping together could be the fact that both were born as outsiders (different ethnicity, lack of blood ties to clan).

Cyrax and Kuai Liang had ideological conflict with Sektor, who in turn seems to be on good terms with Bi-Han.

Bi-Han on the other hand seemed to not have any conflict with the four named warriors? Kuai Liang was his brother (and there is no example he was abused in any way by the older sibling, I think?), MK9!Smoke may not be on a first name basis with Bi-Han (didn’t call him in game as anything else than Sub-Zero or Kuai Liang’s brother) but he was accepted as Kuai Liang’s close friend. At the beggining of Tournament, Cyrax was seen on Sub-Zero’s right side and there is the scene-parallel (with Sektor cut off from the frame, the impression is that we were shown the honorable/”good” Lin Kuei) and he showed protectiveness toward Sub-Zero.Then there is Sektor who somehow get along with Bi-Han (and Noob) without any complaints or problems. Of course, Smoke, Cyrax and Sektor could be smart enough to not get in any open conflict with abrasive Bi-Han. Kuai Liang is a whole different matter, I guess.

The named characters in fact didn’t need to like each other but they were taught discipline and loyalty to the group from the start. Though it would be really hilarious if the most abrasive cryomancer with little to no social skills was in fact the one that keep them all together and was a bridge between strong-willed/hotheaded Kuai Liang & Smoke, independent Cyrax and blindly loyal, withdrawn Sektor.

I’m not sure if such a mix of strong personalities was the norm between warrior groups or was it just Bi-Han’s luck to get involved with duos of Tundra-Smoke and Sektor-Cyrax at some point. Anyway, this is my take on social structures and dynamics between Lin Kuei.

Hope it satisfies your curiosity!

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: INFP with social anxiety here. I have a therapist but we're focusing on some other issues right now. In the meantime, I was wondering if you had some advice for me. I know you're not a professional (you say that multiple times in your posts) and of course I'm not asking you for a fix for my social anxiety with this - I'm just asking your help to understand what part my cognition could be playing in all of this cause I'm really curious.

Basically, my problem is the time frame right BEFORE I meet someone and, sometimes, immediately after. I don't really have problems socializing in the "middle", if you get what I mean; I'm easily adaptable and once I'm relaxed, once I realize no one is there to attack me, my mind starts getting ideas and I kind of know what to say, even though I'm a bit out of practice and I still have problems convincing other people of my emotions (like, mirroring their emotions so that they know I agree with them and stuff like that; for some reason they never ---believe me when I say it with words).

When I make plans, anyway, and I still haven't met the person, I get this anxiety: like I would rather stay home than go there because it's going to be "boring" and I'm probably going to feel like an idiot or make some sort of social gaffe. I mean, I do kinda get bored after a while anyway, but I also know I tend to overestimate that level of "future boredom" to the point it hurts me to even think about showing up and forcing myself to think of stuff I can-- say.

I get anxious because I start thinking about the way people used to treat me in the past (I've always been the black sheep of my family and/or my social circles and I vividly remember some bad things they used to say to me) and I start worrying that, deep down, they still think of me like that and they're never going to forget that "preconception of my identity" and open their eyes to who I am now, or I guess to who I've always been.

I do realize it doesn't make much sense, this "who I ----really am" part - but I've always had the impression that I was a bit different than the "me" they percieved, maybe because after many, many years of being accused of "selfishness" and "inability to tune in with the emotional atmosphere" I learned that in order not to ruin the "social mood" I should've adapted myself to the group - but the problems is that I suppressed "myself" in the meantime (and with myself I mean, like, my real interests, the things I'd like to talk about for ages without-- having to be interrupted or looked down on because, quote unquote, "ok, cool, but we don't really care").

I understand now that if they don't give me hints of actually caring about the subject I should stop rambling like a fool, but this is making me feel like I have nothing "useful" to offer them and therefore bringing the anxiety I'm struggling with. It makes me scared that I'll never be able to be myself around them because of the "social rules" I want to respect to be accepted, & to make----it worse I'm out of practice like I said before and sometimes it just gets too awkward and I want to get out of there.

I bet I'm doing something wrong because friendships and relationships in general are not supposed to be "boring", am I right? And yet until I don't get distracted by the actual conversation, I feel like it's going to be really boring and uncomfortable and sometimes going through it is SO horrible... most of the time I end up making up some excuse to go home earlier and talk----my internet friends instead (thank God for the internet!!!!). Anyway, thank you if you'll answer! And have a good summer vacation c:

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The first thing I notice is that your thought process bears a very striking resemblance to many INFJs who struggle with social anxiety due to poor Fe development (see past posts). As a general rule, if I have good reason to suspect that someone might be mistyped, I won't provide info about function development until they undergo a proper type assessment. Otherwise, they might adopt the wrong method of improvement.

You say you want to understand what part your cognition plays in the social anxiety you experience, so I will mention the aspects of your cognition that seem most significant:

1) No Chill: You overthink things to an extreme, to the point of self-sabotage, perhaps even creating a self-fulfilling prophecy (i.e. when expecting the negative actually makes the negative happen). Overthinking means that you're not confronting the real obstacle getting in the way of your socializing. You're constantly trying to envision, imagine, or predict what will happen in a social interaction? WHY? What's the point of that overthinking? It's how you avoid confronting your fear head on.

2) Insecure: Your "predictions" are too often faulty because of being tainted by your underlying insecurities. You're insecure about being attacked, being accused, being misjudged, doing something wrong, being deemed of no value or unworthy of care, not being accepted or acceptable, dying of awkwardness, feeling bored, feeling uncomfortable, and on and on. You've described your thought process in detail. But nowhere do I see you confronting your insecurities, digging deeper into them, in order to understand the root of them. Insecurities are a manifestation of fear.

3) Control: Irrational anxiety is oftentimes about trying to control things that you shouldn't be trying to control or cannot have any control over - it wastes mental energy and leads to futile behavior. As long as you're trying to control social situations and their outcome, you are either trying too hard to make reality match up with your expectations or you're fumbling whenever reality unfolds outside of your expectations - you become rigid and frail. You claim to be "adaptable" but everything you say after that only proves you don't know the meaning of the word. You can't handle unpredictability, hence, the attempt to be in control by trying to "predict" everything. Do your attempts to control actually work? Do they help or hinder you? If they mostly hinder you, then isn't it time to change your strategy? Anxious people often believe that having more knowledge or control is the answer to their fear. But, in your case, the huge cost of being controlling is being incompetent. What's worse, the fear is still right there running the show.

4) Unresolved Trauma: You attribute your troubles to your past. Fair enough. Growing up in a social environment that did not respect and appreciate you is painful, even extremely traumatic for certain personality types. It also makes people too hungry for validation. It's natural that you wouldn't want to feel the pain of it again. However, if that pain remains unexamined and unresolved, you will unconsciously keep seeking to resolve it, which means re-enacting the trauma over and over again throughout life. The proof? Every time you meet someone, your first stance is defensive, because the first thing that comes into your mind is that you don't want to be attacked or invalidated. That old pain is running the whole show because you are deeply afraid of experiencing it again, yet you don't realize that YOU are the one calling it back up and rehashing it. What are you doing to resolve the pain rather than indulge the fear?

5) Self-absorbed: Social anxiety makes people too absorbed in their own thoughts, feelings, hopes, and expectations. They are too preoccupied with what they want, what will happen, how they will be perceived, how they might make a mistake, how they might be attacked, etc. This means they're not truly present with people, so the relationship can't really go far. Driven by fear and insecurity, they are always behind a wall, too difficult to reach.

Even if you happen to meet the right people, do you make it easy for them to befriend you? It seems that you can't open up with ease, you can't go with the flow of the other person when they don't live up to your expectations, you can't keep your emotions in check and misjudge situations, you get bored when it's not about you, you run away instead of making things better. Looking at yourself objectively from the outside, would you want to be friends with someone like that?

If you want to have good friends, you first have to BE a good friend. You want care, love, and validation? We all do. The best way to receive it is to be the first to give it. By being more aware of other people's needs and doing more to show that you care about them, you put them in a better position to care about you and meet your needs in return. This is the difference between actively trying to "make" a friend vs passively wishing for a friend to drop into your lap.

Being a friend isn't about what "value" you have, as though you're some kind of object being appraised and sold. Being a good friend is quite a simple matter of putting out the energy to care and show that you care. When you meet someone who's moved by your care, they will care for you in return. When you meet someone who's unmoved by your care, figure out the real reason why, in order to determine whether you should keep trying or put your energy elsewhere.

You never really know who you'll hit it off with. One of my favorite experiences in life is making a friend in the unlikeliest of places. As an adult, meeting new people is a numbers game. All you can do is keep pushing yourself to meet new people. The more people you meet, the greater the odds of clicking with someone. If you're looking to meet like-minded people, go to places that are likely to have people who share your interests. If you don't hit it off with someone, simply move along. You don't have to be friends with everyone, do you?

Yet, you take every little social interaction so seriously that each step is like life or death - that's what makes socializing tiring, laborious, and unfun. Why not enter into every social interaction with an open mind and an open heart? Why not truly go with the flow, without having to undergo the repetitive ritual of predicting what will happen or fussing over what did happen?

6) Poor Emotional Intelligence: This point is the common thread that runs through the previous points, which is why I keep repeating the word "fear". You have extremely low tolerance for negative feelings and emotions, which means you really need to work on learning how to deal with your emotional life better. Any little sign that things won't turn out the way you want and you start to panic, overthink, blame, or flee. Why do you recoil from yourself and your own feelings and emotions? Why are you so easily shaken by boredom, awkwardness, invalidation, failing, other people's negativity, etc? Why do you react so badly to these things (when others just brush it off and keep going)?

7) Low Self-Awareness: It's not enough to just name the fear ("I'm afraid of____"). Does the label explain why you have this particular fear and not some other fear? It's not enough to blame the past ("It's because of ____"). Why did someone else with a similar past as yours not develop this fear? To get to the root of fear, you have to identify, in exact terms:

what aspect of you has to change to overcome the fear

what aspect of your identity has to "die" (i.e. be let go of) in order to evaporate the fear

Until you answer the fear properly, it won't go away.

[vriskakinnieaynrand]

I read your answer three times and I get the Soviet spy analogy, but I really have no idea how to put it in practice. What sort of things do I say to make it ambiguously plausible that I'm into them? I really haven't ever found anyone that I really enjoy talking to, either, so I was thinking I'd just have to force it. I'm really not a very good speaker in the first place, although part of that probably comes from my fear of boring people or embarrassing myself so I only ever bring up subjects if the other person has touched on it first.

I mean, I'm a boring introvert with no real friends and three work aquatinces I talk to mostly out of obligation. I want someone who's similarly boring and wants a boring life who won't leave me for someone more interesting. Someone who's not likely to have a big friend group herself and doesn't go out much. Someone like me, but a girl. I just don't know how to find someone like that. My efforts at online dating have been utter failures so far, and it's not like someone like that's gonna be going to bars or social clubs. It just seems like either I change myself to become something I'm not (and to some extent I've been doing that, I'm far more social than I used to be and I actively try to engage with people and they seem to enjoy me, the only problem is I hate every minute of it), or I just die alone.

I just want someone I can be comfortable around without constantly worrying about watching my words, who has a pleasant, boring personality (not loud or annoying), who is interested in the same things as me, who has some mutual attraction and wants to have a stable relationship with a family some time in the future. I feel like I'm not asking for too much, because I have a pleasant and inviting, if boring, personality, am reasonably attractive, am good at letting things go and not getting upset over things, etc.

The main thing is I want someone who I could build a solid foundation with, who I could come home to and relax with, who ideally enjoys and can engage with my creativity and artistic expression. Someone who's pretty chill and can work with me like an adult, instead of screaming and yelling or being passive aggressive.

But I feel like I practically need a step-by-step guide on how to get there. Either that, or I need to be told exactly what's wrong with what I'm expecting. I just feel like every time I try to engage with people irl or otherwise, it's a huge hassle and is really stressful for me and either they get bored of me, or I can't take it anymore and let it die. I just someone I can be comfortable with, who I could start a family with. I couldn't imagine, for example, being with someone like my mom, and frankly, I don't think my dad can either. I don't want to start a family with someone who can't collaborate with me and build a comfortable, relaxing home with. I don't want my kids growing up in an environment like that.

I've actually met a few girls like that at work, who seem to be just generally calm and kind and don't get upset over little things (which I repeat, is exactly me and is not something I'm expecting from someone that I don't do as well), but they don't seem to share any interests so there's nothing to talk about, and I have no idea what their politics are like. They're also probably around 8-9 years younger than me, so that's probably socially unacceptable and would ruin my reputation. But once again I don't know how to find someone who doesn't try to draw attention to herself, the same way I don't. Plus, I'd have to put myself out there, when that's the opposite of how I act otherwise. I have to either try to attract someone who's not looking by acting totally different from myself, or completely change myself to attract someone I don't really want. I really have no idea how to square that circle. Am I thinking of this in the wrong way? Is there an option I'm not seeing? Am I asking for too much? Is a comfortable life just something that doesn't actually happen?

Have you never found anyone you would enjoy talking to, or do you worry too much about your words to tell?

Are you a bad speaker, or are you too afraid to try?

Do you need a step-by-step guide, or did you avoid mistakes when you were younger and deprive yourself of experience?

Are you boring, or are you risk-averse? If you're risk-averse, are you sure you aren't just nervous? Like I said, anxiety is a typical millennial condition, and "introversion" is a typical millennial word.

Cold read: You grew up in the suburbs, or a comparable social environment. You wouldn't quite say you had helicopter parents, but your childhood was mostly structured - school, homework, dinner with family, maybe some extracurriculars, but not much unstructured play with other children, who you didn't have much in common with anyway. You had acquaintances, not friends; you weren't sure if they liked you or just tolerated you, and you didn't initiate anything social often. You may have been disproportionately punished for minor social infractions. You went off to college, which was expected of you, and were acculturated into an UMC social milieu that gets upset about little things - a milieu in which, according to its own narrative about itself, reputation is all-important and easily lost, minor social infractions are harshly punished, and high risk aversion is advisable - which you probably already thought.

That could be right, wrong, or a mixture of both, but that's my impression of the typical etiology of anxiety-driven introversion. The level of caution that the introvert feels is necessary makes social interaction feel both unpleasant and unenjoyable - unpleasant because it feels risky, and unenjoyable because as a social strategy it is low risk, and low risk entails low reward. "Normie" is a mask anyone can wear, but masks are uncomfortable and it sucks to always wear one.

In worse anxiety, anything except sitting alone in your room can feel risky. What if you go to something and it sucks? But if nothing you go to sucks, you aren't going to enough things. Occasional failures are the inevitable byproduct of a successful strategy.

This creates a lack of experience, which causes a lack of confidence (how are you going to get good at something if you have to already be good at it to start?), and it feeds back to itself - and probably to an underlying bias to interpret ambiguous information with a negative cast, which Prometheus Rising describes as a negative imprint in the 'biosurvival and territorial circuits'.

Also according to Prometheus Rising, if you have a negative imprint in the 'biosurvival circuit' and a positive imprint in the 'territorial circuit' - "I'm okay, you're not okay" - you get really into giving orders:

And while I don't put that much stock in Prometheus Rising, the millennial pathologies '60s Freudian psychology would've been the most interested in are absolutely "I give orders here!" and "tfw no mommy gf"

But maybe you're really just an introvert. You mention creativity and artistic expression; have you tried putting that out there?

[sixeyesgojo]

Team Gojo as flowers

Summary: Gojo, Yuji, Megumi, Nobara and Sukuna as types of flowers

Characters: stated above

Content warning: mild manga spoilers

Word count: -

A/N: I’d appreciate feedback here (and in general) because I’m not sure whether to do this kind of hc for other JJK characters or not. I am thinking of Toge in particular because I love my salmon boy. Also fyi, this was some time after 135 but before 140 for sure.

Gojo Satoru  - Nemophila

I just saw these and immediately thought about how good they would suit him???

another name for them would be baby blue eyes (no, I had no idea beforehand)

they symbolize prosperity, victory, success or triumph over an enemy

flashback to Gojo beating Jogo tf up... but add a nemophila field in the background <3

That being said, his profile literally states that he is perfect in every way (except for his personality but we still love that, right?), so if this isn't success in every way then idk

This flower's essence is also said to be helpful for those who put up a mask over their painful sensitivity

Gojo also displays characteristics of cynism and mistrust towards the higher-ups

Furthermore, I think he is a little anti-social - doesn't have a lot of friends. As someone from the secret Jujutsu World, he's bound to be hidden in a way. This is enforced by the fact that he is the strongest, so a lot of people and curses are out to get his head. I'd think he doesn't keep anyone too close to him so that they do not become a target for anyone. Must be traumatizing to be him.

This flower helps soothen the soul's conflict, healing it slowly, which is exactly what Gojo needs imo

it really is the perfect flower for him

but it's native to North America

Yeah, watch him teleport there to bring back a bouquet of them for his s/o

Itadori Yuji - Protea (orange)

This kind of flower comes in many different shapes, which is why it's a symbol of transformation, which is exactly what Yuji embodies by going from a regular human being to being a Jujutsu sorcerer

Diversity: Yuji is open to anything, Gojo even described him as "having a few screws loose up there". I don't even think he questions how he is being taught by Gojo or anything for that matter?

Yuji also embodies courage and is known to be daring and i don't think i need to explain this one further

I mean, the boy literally jumped right into a curse to rescue Sasaki and Iguchi and help Megumi while not even knowing what a curse is

Orange proteas represent cheerfulness, joy and happiness - if that isn't our sunshine boy, then idk. After what happened to Junpei, he seemed a little down at first but recent episodes have shown that he will not slow down because of that and will keep on being the energetic fluffball of joy that he is.

moreover, they also symbolize unlimited possibilities as his cursed technique so far probably isn't even his final technique yet - compared to Nobara's hammer and Megumi's shikigami. All we know is that Sukuna's techniques are going to be his over time but we don't even know the full extent of the said curse's power yet

If anyone ever mentioned all this to him and showed him the flower, he would think it looks weird at first but will grow to find it interesting (especially the shape). It's not like the flower is native to Japan, so he most likely wouldn't have seen it anywhere.

Gets really excited if you were to give this baby one of these flowers

Fushiguro Megumi - Anemone (purple)

hear me out

The most common symbol for the purple Anemone is 'protection against evil'. While it's Megumi's primary focus in his line of work as a professional, you ought to know he became a sorcerer in the first place because of his sister, Tsukimi.

Fragility: While Megumi shows a lot of potential for growth, it's also said that he will most likely stagnate due to the mental aspect. He's pretty insecure about his own abilities and doesn't think much of himself but that doesn't mean he won't use his powers in order to protect someone.

Anticipation: As previously stated, Megumi shows a lot of potential as a sorcerer, even to the point that Sukuna (mind you, the creature that only cares about himself) has praised him and will not hesitate to make Megumi a pawn to whatever his big, mysterious plans may be. With that being said, if Sukuna himself is interested in our blue-haired boy, we can anticipate great things from Megumi in the foreseeable future.

This specific flower seems to be a double-edged sword in terms of symbolism. In some cultural circles, it is believed to be a symbol of bad luck, whereas in other areas it's seen as a lucky charm (in which we hope this is the one for our boy). I see the same principle applying to Megumi's descent and his mysterious technique - not gonna elaborate further though (feel free to ask though)

a rather dark symbol for this particular flower: "death of a loved one". In this case, I am referring to Tsukimi, his step-sister. She may not be dead but it is indicated that she is in a comatose state due to being cursed. It seems that Megumi does not know when - or rather whether - she will wake up or not. Knowing this boy, he probably has tried anything and everything in his power to wake her up (hell, he probably even consulted Gojo) but nothing worked so far. This poor boy is anxious about it all the time.

he's surprised anyone would even associate him with flowers but wouldn't mind it

Kugisaki Nobara - Orchid (mainly orange)

I had some trouble finding something for her but orchids seem to suit her best

couldn't really pick a particular color though but I am leaning towards orange

orange orchids represent: pride, enthusiasm and boldness

Nobara is very proud of who she is. She strikes me as a person who is not afraid to tell her story, even though she despices the countryside where she is from. She also takes pride in staying true to herself all the time, to the point of admitting that she only enrolled in Jujutsu High so that she could move to Tokyo to Yuji, who was basically a stranger at that time

She is also very enthusiastic about her own future. She knows she won't ever like having to exorcise curses but somehow, being a Jujutsu sorcerer excites her.

plus points for her being enthusiastic about winning in the Kyoto Goodwill Event Arc and just beating up the Kyoto students

I don't need to mention her being enthusiastic about shopping and sightseeing in big cities, do I?

Bold? Oh, she is bold. She has no filter when it comes to speaking her mind and would never hesitate to put anyone in their place. I see her going places in Gojo's revolution... and cussing at the superiors.

Yellow symbolizes new beginnings and friendships. Nobara does not have any problems making new friends, she adapts fairly well in new environments. There's also the way she mourned for Yuji, despite "only knowing him for two weeks" and I don't even doubt for a second that it was her making him hold the black funeral picture frame when he came back lol

Pink: grace, femininity, joy + purple: royalty and admiration

There is no doubt that Nobara tries to enjoy her life to the fullest *cough* moving to Tokyo

Moreover, there is something about her that just screams "queen behavior" to me and I don't even mean that in the slang sense. Have you all seen how graceful this girl moves? (I would like to thank MAPPA at this point)

Nobara shows respect where it's due - I'm just gonna mention Maki here - but is a very admirable girl herself

probably has an orchid plant in her room, ngl

Ryomen Sukuna - Snapdragon

please, the name already sounds a little dangerous

This flower shares a certain character trait with him: being unique

Snapdragons are usually associated with strength due to the way they even grow in rocky areas and if that's not screaming Sukuna's name, who is all about strength, then correct me

Deviousness is practically Sukuna's second name, so this symbol isn't exactly off the track either. Let me remind you about the way Sukuna and Mahito laughed at Yuji??

Graciousness: just like Nobara, he possesses some sort of grace that makes me percept him as a majestic being

but maybe that's just his throne of bones and title as King of Curses contributing

and him owning a shrine???

or maybe that is just the way he majestetically killed that special grade lol

"Only large insects like bumblebees can pollinate snapdragons because the petals are too heavy for smaller insects to push apart." I read this and if you reverse it a little, it somehow reminded me of the fact that Sukuna's fingers need to have a powerful vessel aka small fry won't do because they will simply die away.

Deception: despite being given the minimum amount of information about Sukuna in general, I just don't see him being anything but egoistic and evil. I just cannot picture it. So yeah, put everything evil in a pot, stir a little and don't be surprised if your result is not the Powerpuff girls but a four-eyed multi-talented and deceptive curse that is out to kill you for fun

[thepapergirlandthespiegelman]

Might stop reading Worm.

Content warning: bugs/insects/arachnids and related horror, body horror mention, miscellaneous violence mention, sexual violence/assault mention

My thoughts on the first ten arcs of Worm. (contains spoilers)

So, I finally got around to reading Worm. It was kinda big when I was in high school, and I still know some people who are/were into it, so I thought it was time that I gave it a serious shot. I did actually try to read it in high school once, but I couldn’t get into it and stopped reading after the first chapter. I tried to be a little more persistent this time to give it a fair evaluation.

When I started reading Worm this time around, I kind of just breezed past the warning at the beginning (“This story isn’t intended for young or sensitive readers. Readers who are on the lookout for trigger warnings are advised to give Worm a pass.”) I don’t consider myself someone who really gets triggered by media. I think it’s important to talk about stuff, including fucked-up stuff. It’s uncomfortable, but that discomfort is part of the point. I think it probably should bother you to read about terrible things, even fictional ones, given that those fictional atrocities almost always have real-world counterparts.

I think I vastly underestimated the amount of fucked-up-ness that is in Worm. When I read that warning, I thought, “Okay, this story’s probably dealing with some dark themes, and there might be some particular scenes that are really disturbing.” After reading the first ten arcs, though, I feel it’s more accurate to say that fucked-up-ness is Worm. It is the core of the story, and there is really very little else.

So it’s not that any particular thing that happened in the story triggered an immediate, strong, psychologically-damaging reaction in me, but as I continued reading, I began to notice that not only was I not enjoying myself, I was actually finding it subtly unpleasant. When I read about something bad happening, I get hit with a small dose of negative emotion. As it turns out, that adds up over time, especially when there aren’t any positive scenes to balance out the negative stuff. Without me even noticing for a long time, Worm was making me unhappy.

Here’s what I did like about Worm:

Impressive world-building - Wildbow is exceptional at inventing different locations, groups, and individual actors and thus creating a detailed ecosystem of capes and civilians.

Lots of characters, lots of superpowers - Directly related to the previous point, Worm contains a lot of characters...arguably too many characters. I generally prefer stories that focus on a smaller number of characters in order to give each character more room for development, but I appreciate Wildbow’s talent for coming up with vivid, if simplistic, characterizations. There are also some really interesting superpowers and interesting takes on common powers.

Inventive use of Taylor’s superpower - Taylor is always coming up with new uses for her power: having black widow spiders spin silk for her suit, using her bugs are a sixth sense to keep track of her enemies and environment, using venomous bugs to take hostages, covering her body in bugs as a disguise, coating her bugs’ stingers in capsaicin for extra punch, using human-shaped swarms to fake out her enemies...The list goes on and on, and I really appreciate how Wildbow took this oft-overlooked superpower to the next level.

Danny Hebert - The only character in the story who I can say I genuinely like. Danny Hebert is a union organizer whose pet project is getting the ferry up and running again so that there can be more interaction between the poorer and wealthier parts of Brockton Bay. I also loved the scene where he supports Taylor in the “mediation” with her bullies and their parents at school. Even if he was impotent, unable to protect her, I could tell he was on her side. His one screw-up is when he locks Taylor in the living room and tries to force her to talk to him, but it definitely makes sense with his character (a little bit of a pushover) and the story (Taylor was shutting him out and seemed to be putting herself in danger) that he would end up letting Taylor’s grandma convince him to take a forceful approach. Don’t get me wrong, locking up your kid is a horrible thing to do (I should know, my parents did it to me, and it fucked me up), but I still ended up feeling bad for him when Taylor just up and disappeared. She didn’t even call her dad to let him know that she was still alive after Leviathan! I mean, on the one hand, I do actually appreciate that she started making an effort to protect her father from the dangers of her cape life, something that I was kind of appalled to see that she never even considered before. But damn, did I feel bad for Danny.

Here’s what I didn’t like:

Way too much fucked-up shit happening - Name an atrocity, Worm’s probably got it. The plot is mostly just terrible thing after terrible thing and reveals of how terrible all of the characters are, with many terrible things that aren’t directly treated in the plot peppered in along the way.

Lots of capes, no heroes - This is one of those themes that sounds deep on paper but is really just cynical and fatalistic. Even if all the capes are corrupted by power (or by the toxic power dynamics between capes), what about civilians? Where’s the thoughtful therapist or the brave fire-fighter? Danny Hebert is one notable exception to the “Everyone is terrible” rule, but we don’t see all that much of him. Other than him, the only person I can think of who could possibly fit this “civilian hero” role is Aisha’s social worker, who I don’t think even has a name.

All superpowers are evil - This is arguably just a rephrasing of the previous point, but I think it’s important to mention. Worm contains so many superpowers, but it seems like they’re all being put to evil purposes. Panacea, the superheroine with healing powers (really just dominion over health and illness of the human body in general), makes some really despicable threats (e.g. giving someone cancer with a touch, or giving someone a disorder that will only manifest at an unknown time in the future, leaving them to anguish over their fate). Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing inherently wrong with writing a character using this type of power for evil ends. There’s a lot of interesting stuff to explore there, and I actually love that Panacea is a character that acknowledges the burden of having a healing power, feeling unable to take any time for yourself while simultaneously growing to resent those you feel obligated to help. My issue is not with Panacea but with the fact that literally every superpower in the story is painted in a negative light. It just feels absurd to suggest that, for example, someone like Gallant couldn’t use his power (carefully and thoughtfully and with consent) to heal people with emotional trauma. Superpowers in Worm are only for violence and conflict and crime, and I just don’t understand that. Again, the rogues form a token exception, but we rarely actually see them, and one of the first rogues we meet, Canary, is immediately subject to harsh and unjust punishment and never heard from again.

A misguided focus on only certain types of crime/violence - Worm deals with gang violence, robberies, and general chaos-inducing terrorism. It focuses on crimes perpetuated by working-class individuals and small to medium size illicit groups. There’s some commentary on state-sanctioned violence in terms of the corruption of the Protectorate and Dragon’s worries of having to obey a despot should one take over the government, but it’s not exactly framed in a way that highlights the struggles of the average person; the focus is almost entirely on capes. Worm doesn’t discuss things like wage theft, illegal rent hikes, or, dare I say it, the inherent violence of capitalism, which, while less flashy, are important problems with far-reaching consequences. It’s weird, and honestly kind of unrealistic, that there’s not a single anarcho-communist cape. Whether you agree with that kind of politics or not, it’s still a glaring omission if the setting of the story is trying to emulate real life. Again, Danny Hebert’s role as a union organizer and interest in restoring the ferry and reintegrating the city pay token attention to some of these ideas, but the vast majority of the story is unconcerned with addressing the source of, or solutions to, poverty and crime in Brockton Bay and the wider world of Worm.

So those are my thoughts. There’s a part of me that still thinks, “But so many people like this so much! Maybe it’ll get better!” I have a really strong drive to understand why others like the things that they do, to be able to share in their appreciation. But from what I’ve seen in a couple memes I happened upon, things are getting worse, not better for the world of Worm. And even if things start to resolve at some point, I’m not sure it would be great for my mental health to continue reading up to that point.

The breaking point for me, if you’re curious, was when a main character was just casually revealed to be a serial rapist. That wasn’t even the point of the chapter, it was just kind of thrown out there as an extremely-not-fun fact. So I was still reeling from that reveal while also experiencing all of the atrocities said character was committing in the moment, and after that was when I realized, “Hey, maybe this is not the kind of content I should be reading.” It even took reading a few more chapters into Arc 11 for it to really sink in, but I had this weird revelation of like, I get to choose which fictional worlds I spend my time in, and the world of Worm isn’t one I relish.

If you do enjoy Worm, I’d be curious to hear your thoughts on what makes it appealing to you.