#to the gay miscommunication over compatability

[grapejuicegay]

the astrology gays of it all is targeted directly at me actually

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

Hi I just had a great idea:

What if instead of taking chip wiskers on a Sail-Around-the-World, Get-Over-Blair summer adventure (bc chip can get rekt!) Nate takes Dan instead??? and they fuck and fall in love of course

here you go, jess! your wish is my command & all that. maybe i'll make this into a proper fic when i don't feel like a zombie with a running nose.

vanessa breaks up w/ dan before she leaves for haiti. dan is taking it pretty badly, nate thinks dan must be torn up about it/ missing her / heartbroken etc etc.

blair's got her own clusterfuck of chip stuff to handle (clusterchuck?) and serena's helping with that, jenny's got her own stuff to handle, etc etc, so dan's entire support system boils down to just nate, naturally

nate's like "oh yeah i can handle this i too was once heartbroken over vanessa"

but then dan sort of gets very drunk and talks about how if the one person who's loved him longest and loved him best and known him better than anyone else couldn't stand him what does that say about him, dan? is he just that unlovable? and nate's heart hurts

nate tries for sage advice such as "sometimes being best friends doesn't translate to being romantically compatible, man. i know she loved you, but her not being in love with you doesn't say anything about you" but it slides off dan like water off a duck's back

so nate decides to take dan on a vacation. take his mind off stuff.

dan thinks it'll be lowkey so he agrees.

it is............not lowkey.

they sail for a bit and dan hates it, hates the feeling of being at sea, doesn't feel comfortable on a rickety sailboat, etc etc, but dan loves seeing how at ease nate is - and that's enough for dan to put his anxiety away for a bit

(sorry, i just have a big headcanon of dan being terrified of like. sailboats or cruise ships or whatever. seeing all that ocean all around him and knowing he can't leave freaks him out imo.)

one week in nate realises that dan is essentially putting up a brave front & then there are a few airline tickets and a lot of backpacking

"didn't know i was honeymooning with serena," dan says, and nate smacks his arm and gives him a look

dan doesn't understand foreign currency and nate's terrifyingly good at conversion rates. nate's also better at picking up snippets of the local language, wherever they are, while dan just. blinks and opens his tourist guidebook and stumbles through the "do you speak english?" phrases every single time

(dan thinks it's hot. that nate knows all this. that nate is just Wired in a way that makes him so good at adapting/navigating all this.)

( nate thinks dan's adorable. when he scowls at the maps and loiters in souvenir shops and blinks dazedly when people talk to him in a language he doesn't understand, looking at nate wide-eyed in a silent plea for help. it cracks nate up, but it also makes him want to hold dan in his arms and kiss the top of his head. whoops.)

anyway! back to plot.

they hang out in cheap hotels or service apartments and dan begins to teach nate how to cook and they fly kites in meadows and go on treks and it's such an absorbing experience

they spend anywhere between 3- 9 days in one location before moving

every single day is so Full and Whole it feels like a whole week of events. but it's just one fulfilling day

then one day they're snowed in somewhere on the mountains

and both of them have... a really good time. and dan has this lightbulb moment of... oh. it's not Abroad that's bringing meaning to my life, it's not these activities or the change of pace or anything else. it's nate. it's being able to be with nate like this

nate, naturally, is having the same sort of revelation

dan wants to act on it but he's scared to blow what is the best friendship in his life at this time, and he knows natie is coming off a heartbreak w/ serena and he doesn't want to be a rebound

but nate is the one to initiate it, touching dan's chin with gentle fingers and going, "hey, we can ignore this and never talk about this again if you’d prefer that but i really want to kiss you"

so of course, they kiss

they kiss, and then they almost do the deed too but then they both stop, because dan's like "wait you're my best friend i can't risk you Not being my best friend tomorrow when it's over"

they talk about it in an emotionally mature way & talk about their exes + their expectations of being in a relationship & just "you're my best friend but it's become so much more than that lately"

they don't fuck but they go to bed holding each other, as boyfriends

when the summer ends, they both return to NY a lot more tanned, with a lot more souvenirs, and more genuine smiles

chuck gets pissy with nate about taking "humdrum humphrey on a honeymoon" and nate hits him in the face (im sorry, i love the chuck/nate/dan love triangle too much, i have no excuse)

nate moves in with dan, vanessa shows up to visit and check in on dan and they have a heart-to-heart (turns out after her internship in hiati, v popped over to california because ruby's band was on tour there, etc, and vanessa bumped into olivia of all people, and. apparently they're dating now and she wants dan to hear it from her, directly, and she hopes he's okay with that - with his ex gfs dating each other - and dan's like 'yeah as long as you're happy. speaking of finding your exes in a gay relationship, uh, me and nate....' & of course, v is extremely thrilled by this update)

blairena fucked in paris and will continue to fuck on return to NY but there's definitely a lot of angst because blair expects serena to dump her for one of the boys and serena thinks blair doesn't like her / is pushing her towards the boys because "what happens in paris stays in paris" but they're both definitely in love. and they miscommunicate BUT they work it out. classic fanfic stuff.

and. three days before college begins there's a knock on the door of the loft and when nate opens the door, he's greeted by a heavily pregnant georgina.

"what the fuck are you doing here?" / "i could ask you the same question. and don't cuss around the unborn baby, archibald." / "...."

dan, of course, walks in now, and he's like, "there's no such thing as an unborn baby, if you mean fetus, you should say that, because -"

and then he looks at who's at the door and he's like. "uh. georgie. long time no see, what?"

georgie grins like satan. "he's yours"

"yeah, nate is my boyfriend," dan says distractedly, and then blinks, stares at georgina, and at nate, and back at georgina again. "do you - do you mean, the kid?"

/end

[that-is-tat-o]

Because I'm obsessed with it apparently have a tag yourself "first season Izumo's birthday filler episode" meme (in case y'all can't read it I'll write it below)

1. Assumo:

* THE most jealous lesbian

* owns a detective outfit for some reason

* if he doesn't treat you right he doesn't deserve you

* miscommunication royalty

* so against pda that they won't even make eye contact in public

2. What's wrong with it?

* really smart but today is not their brightest day

* appears a negative amount if times

* having your birthday too close to Christmas gone wrong

* never gets the gift they want

* doesn't want to go but gets invited anyway

3. Can't help being a caprisun

* tells you your signs are compatible no matter what

* has everyone's star charts memorized

* does the exact same 3 romantic gestures

* actually a great friend if they try

* wants a gf sooo (so) bad

4. There are edible flowers

* eats grass

* has never been to a birthday party

* plans parties for all their friends

* head empty

* the sweetest person ever

5. Arts and crafts

* token artis but everyone forgets

* could be a better friend

* loves recognition for their skills

* only talks to other fellow gay disasters

* the leader

6. Christmas cake

* dumb as rocks

* cooking for others is more fun

* going to munch going to crunch

* oblivious ass fuck

* can't spell

7. Spelling king

* either oblivious or dumb as hell, probably both

* is one step away from a panic attack

* easily distracted

* gets spoken over

* too gay to function

8. Baby come back

* in great terms with their ex

* unconsciously a sitcom love interest

* very bad liar

* terrible at keeping secrets

* they are just sitting

[lesbianrobin]

Can you elaborate on your feelings about Jancy? (I'm not an angry Jancy shipper I'm just genuinely curious. You don't have to answer if it would make you uncomfortable)

ur good! i don't wanna write a whole anti-j@ncy manifesto because i really don't wanna like be a total bitch to people who ship it plus i feel like i've talked about them a fair amount before, so i'll try to be brief. also this is gonna b a mess dkcjsjxj

basically, i just don't think they're very compatible and i don't think they have a healthy relationship! besides the big obvious issues (the pictures in s1, cheating on steve in s2, oliver twist in s3) i think that they different core values and they don't necessarily want or need the same things in a relationship.

jonathan is a very emotional person who has a lot of baggage and trauma outside of the monster stuff, while nancy is (no hate!!)... not the most empathetic person. she tends to focus on her own shit to the point where she disregards the concerns of others, and she's not above dragging somebody into something they don't want to do if it benefits her in some way. we saw it a little with barb in s1, and then a LOT with jonathan in s3. nancy, as i said, tends to prioritize her own shit and struggles to stop and consider the needs of those around her. i think that if she's gonna be in a relationship, she needs to be with someone who isn't afraid to stand up for themselves and what they want. jonathan just isn't that person! he struggles to advocate for himself, and he always puts himself last, prioritizing joyce, will, and nancy, and he bottles up all of his feelings until shit boils over.

in s3, nancy told jonathan that he didn't have to go with her when she went to investigate the rat stuff. here's the thing, though! nancy is the kind of person who, if the roles were reversed, would flatout refuse to go if she didn't want to! she would just say no because she has that backbone and conviction! jonathan, however, is not that type of person. jonathan could never tell nancy "no" because he still carries the guilt of not being around to protect will, because he's had to be a protector and caretaker for much of his life, because he's always put himself after his responsibilities, and he feels responsible for her safety.

from nancy's pov, jonathan agreed to go with her! she said he didn't have to, so why is he complaining? from jonathan's pov, nancy put him in a position where he couldn't refuse! what was he supposed to do, let her go off alone?

this might just be a miscommunication issue that they could work through, but i think it would take a LOT of work! like years and years of counseling sort of work! i think jonathan needs to be with somebody who's more empathetic and less domineering (that sounds bad but i can't think of a better word i'm sorry!), while nancy needs to be with somebody more confident who'll match her level of passion and conviction and advocate for themselves. as it is in canon, jonathan tends to self-sacrifice and ignore his own desires, while nancy tends to get lost in her own pursuits and forgets to make room for others.

neither of them are necessarily WRONG, they're just incredibly different people and i think they each encourage the worst in each other. that's about it!! my biggest issue with them tbh is the oliver twist comment (which i will spare u all from hearing me rant about for the ten thousandth time) and the fact that i wholeheartedly believe jonathan is gay but that's a personal headcanon so kscjdnxnd

thanks for asking!!

[sidelpunchna-blog]

Polyamory dating advice

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[aplaceforthesoul]

Anonymous submitted:

I Think I Might Die Alone 23, M Every relationship I’ve entered has fallen part. The first, I didn’t even know what a relationship was, I was a 6th or 7th grader who had no idea what Love was and was still trying understand why I snapped into an all consuming rage at the slightest provocation. That relationship ended as abruptly as it started, and I didn’t mind, because I never saw her, and I had no interest in trying to.

The second one was more of the same, she saw me once, thought I was cute, and I was down, but I never saw her and she quickly abandoned that notion of “us”.

The third time I ever tried being with someone, we lasted for two weeks, then her chick friends beat me and kicked me, and she broke up with me because I wouldn’t hit another person (little did they know I had always struggled with anger management, and I knew that letting myself slip would result in being permanently removed from that school).

The fourth wasn’t even a full blown relationship. I fell very hard and very fast for a girl that I felt linked to, and she had no interest in me, instead using me to scope out guys and read them (I’ve always been good with vibes and reading people).

A lot of my friendships continued in this manner (to the point where I just feel used in all my relationships, platonic or romantic, and I don’t feel anything for anyone) up until the last few years.

I tried having a relationship with the mother of my kids, but she cheated on me, physically and emotionally abused me, and refuses to see what she truly did wrong, or to take responsibility for the messes she has made.

I can’t even have normal relationships with people any more, because I don’t know what they want from me, what they need in general, etc. all I want to do is help people, and to be loved in as lighthearted and deep a manner as possible. I just want to be stimulated, entertained, and to be busy. I don’t mind if people are boring, so long as they don’t just let me get bored and ignore me and only communicate when they want something from me. I miss when people would hit me up and invite me to things, or send me a message to see how I’m doing because I’m always asking how others are and rarely volunteer information about myself.

Mostly, I miss having a group of friends I could rely on to have my best interest at heart, like a family, but outside of blood relation. I miss that dearly.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this…

I had a crush on this girl, Hanna. She reminded of my own energy in human form, like someone had stripped away everything about me but had left my energy behind and let it manifest into a human female. And I was absolutely interested. I wanted to go walking with her, go smoke weed and cigarettes with her, go hiking with her, go hang out with her family with her. She didn’t really seem to mind. I loved her sense of humor, because it was like she was constantly trying to one up everyone but I was always a step ahead of her, and she’d give me this look like I read her mind and she knew that I knew. It was so intense, I wanted to explore the world with her.

Then one day I got a little sideways in my humor and started combining sarcasm, excessively snarky dryness, and a bit of a weird lick of sidehumor, because I was thinking about this episode of SNL where Stefan was going on about a club that had human furniture (people tied up in various poses, used as furniture) and I thought it was funny and I didn’t preface my joke with the source material, (she had mentioned that she loved SNL, so I assumed she’d seen the Episode in question) and she didn’t respond for hours, then went off on me for being a narcissistic, egotistical selfish person who has never been kind to anyone, and I considered crying but at that point I’d already sunk pretty deep into depression. I’m still there and it’s been over a year, and I’m just tired of getting stuck with the crazy girls or the super creepy gay dudes, the people that treat me like shit/trash/a meatbag, just because I rarely express my emotions unless it’s in the moment, I actually observe and truly see things for what they are without judging, and I have some nice cheekbones. That’s where all these things come from, and to be honest, I’m pissed. Us human beings shouldn’t treat each other like trash, especially because we find someone attractive. I’m timid as F$ck because I don’t see myself as attractive, I see myself as breathing. I see others as attractive, but all I want is to experience them as a person, intellectually, emotionally, physically (through my senses). And If I like someone’s energy, their voice, their eyes, and their vibe, I can have them around in my life, but it makes it really awkward trying to explain that I need to acclimate to someone first. I actually tend to avoid going out nowadays because I’m just tired of being let down or treated like filth. I don’t know what to do because I’m a very social person and the only person I have in my life outside my family is approximately fourty IQ points below me, because I can accurately predict any given twenty four hour span he will go through, and he can’t have a deep discussion about something to save his life, which is fine but disappointing. I love him, because he’s super straightforward, honest, helpful, fun and silly, but he doesn’t stimulate me quite the way I’d like. And yet I can’t find anyone else. The dude I called my best friend over the last few years has been using me and recently bailed on being my friend because “you gave my girl a look like you liked her or something” (seeing as she tried to fight me about four hours after she met me, and it took me a year to get used to her being really brutally mean sometimes, me being able to appreciate the positive parts of her personality should be celebrated), “you made a mysterious Facebook post about a girl” (yeah, the enigmatic frontwoman of a band I recently saw. Her birthday is 3/21, she’s got the bluest eyes I have ever seen and I swear to god I had a dream about her and I together), and “you left my band practice to go drink with her.” (I left the band practice to go home and eat because I hadn’t all day, and then she hit me up saying that guys were all over her and she wanted her boyfriend and friends there, so I was supposed to get over there. I hit up the boyfriend/best friend and he said I’ll be there in ten. I live five minutes from the bar walking. I was there before him. And then he didn’t show up for another half hour. And then he’s mad at me the whole night, though he never said why.)

I’m tired of being the person that everybody thinks their spouse is sleeping with on the side. I’m tired of being the guy who has people attempting to fight him because he happens to be y’all and vaguely hispanic looking. I’m tired of people having problems with me for reason that are either in their head, based off of alcohol, or both. It’s not fair to me that I get shit on by nearly everyone in my life, and nobody has the guts to just fricking apologize for treating me like shit.

I guess that’s everything.

hey there (: honestly, a long answer short? you’re not likely to die alone, not unless you choose to. 

if you want to look at it from that perspective, then all my relationships have failed as well! I’m 24 and single (ish) haha, I’ve been in multiple relationships and none of them have worked out. would you say to me “you’re going to die alone” when you and I are in the same circumstances? probably not q: and even though the exact details of how and why we’re both single and our relationships haven’t worked may vary? it all really comes down to perspective, how you choose to view those relationships and what those endings mean, what you can learn from them. 

your past relationships haven’t worked out, so what?! that doesn’t mean you’re going to die alone, that just means that you haven’t met the right people who are compatible with you. maybe what it could take for a relationship to work out is a step back and to examine why those past relationships haven’t worked, what personality traits to avoid? I’m not sure! yes your past relationships haven’t worked out, yes there’s reasons for that, no that doesn’t mean you’re destined to be alone forever. 

you mentioned what you want in a relationship / friends (...” I want to do is help people, and to be loved in as lighthearted and deep a manner as possible”) and it’s good to know what you want! but you also said that you’re never sure what people want from you -- and if that’s the case then you need to ask. communicate!! words and conversation are key, they’re so so important because it gives everyone involved clarity and it’s much less likely miscommunication occurs. 

I think I may have mentioned this once before to you, so apologises if I’m repeating myself! but if you want to be stimulated, entertained and busy in regards to people in your life? meet new people, do new things and choose new ways to meet people that share common interests, see where that goes! you said that you want to help people and to be loved passionately and care for in a genuine manner right? so actively look for positive, kind, caring and like-minded people to spend time around, use meetup.com to meet some new people who share things in common with you or check out your local community centre, things like that. get out of the city, the state, the country if that’s what it takes! I moved from australia to london 6 months ago and it was a huge change, it made me realise how unhappy and unstimulated I was living in melbourne and how much I needed to change my environment and the people around me! obviously moving to the other side of the world can be a logistical nightmare and not accessible for everyone, but if you can make some change to your physical environment and move somewhere else, a different suburb, town? then do so, it can make the world of difference. 

change the people in your life, block all contact with people who treat you in a shitty way for no reason. take a step back and look at what you could do differently for future relationships / friendships to be more positive and fulfilling, know that you’re not going to die alone. all the best xx

- tash