#tonight their dad is working so it’s a solo bedtime night and I have no energy or patience left so I’m just hoping they sleep quickly

[harmonizewithechoes]

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[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 59

~*~Emma~*~

The lake had been fun. It was initially awkward, but after we loaded into the boat and were underway it got better. I snagged a spot up front in the bow. I was joined by three girls, now women, I’d known well in high school. We started by talking about our current lives and by the time we'd found a spot to anchor we were telling old stories and laughing through our memories. Once the four of us had reconnected the others were easy with conversations and groupings overlapping. An hour later it felt like old times. There were lots of pictures taken and we were texting them to each other immediately. I posted some on Instagram and sent some directly to Sebastian. I had no problem posting bikini-clad pictures of me in a group, but solo went only to him. I've never been one for posting me. It's usually an activity with people.

There was a dock near the southeast border of the lake for gassing up and they had a sandwich shop. Sandwich included hot dogs, hamburgers, french fries, and onion rings. We decided to eat at the picnic tables. Stowing food was more to pack up and could stink. We were relaxing and waiting for the last ones to finish when my notification went off. Chris Evans was asking permission to follow my account. Interesting. Approved. Not a minute later so was Chace Crawford. Also approved, but with a snarky DM about his pickup lines. He'd hit on me at Kirk's wedding. Very unsuccessfully.

Emma ~ Tell Chris hi and nice to meet him.

Sebastian ~ We’re not talking about you. Much. Ok, we are. Sebastian ~ We're mostly looking at pictures.

Emma ~ The ones on your phone are much better than IG

Sebastian ~ Chace will be the one to figure that out.

 Chris DM'd me, “Can't wait to meet you in person. Hearing very sweet things.”

I sent back, "A few are true. He exaggerates."

"Yeah, he's got a huge crush on you."

"Nice to know."

We watched sunset out on the water. It was beautiful. The haze and clouds made for muted pinks, purples, blues, and grays. I took a dozen of those hoping to catch the perfect one. I was in a group of people, but the sunset had me feeling lonely. It was fleeting and I was back into the party spirit quickly.

Amy thought it was a good idea to take everyone back to our house for a pool party. I did not agree. Our parents were home babysitting their granddaughter and we were about to invade with a hoard of drunk friends. All of whom were inviting more and asking them to pick up booze. It felt very high school and in need of at least a phone call. However, it was Amy’s idea and no one wanted to hear from me last night. I wouldn’t be calling ahead.

I went inside to go to the bathroom and ran into dad. "What's all that noise we just got Katie in bed?"

"Amy invited some friends back to the pool."

"You’re teenagers again."

"Seems like it."

"Try and keep it down."

"I will tell her." Not my party. Not my crowd control. I did my business and went back outside. Amy was making out with Max in the pool. I tapped on her head, breaking their kiss, "Dad said to keep it down."

They went back to kissing. I'd deemed my message delivered and headed to the bar, putting in the code and retrieving a bottle of tequila. When I stood up, I was surprised to see Kai on the other side of the bar. Kai was the boyfriend who broke up with me after rehab. Kai's hands were shoved in the pockets of his swim shorts. He nodded toward the group, "Amy said you'd be ok with me coming. I wanted to check."

My current plan for Amy’s death was drowning. She was already in the pool after all. I pasted a less than genuine smile on my face, "It's fine, Kai. It was a long time ago. How are you?"

Kai was very southern lawyer attractive. Thinking back, he always had been. "I’m good. I did become a lawyer. Work for a firm here in Alpharetta. I got married three years ago. Her name is Melanie. We're expecting a baby in January."

"Congratulations. That’s wonderful."

He nodded, "Thank you. What are you up to?"

"I teach first grade, love it. I play in a volleyball rec league. My best friend's in a band so I go into the city and visit. My boyfriend lives there too."

Kai laughed, "I might have heard about him."

"I bet. He's a good guy. Lots of fun and good to me.”

"Better than I was, I’m sure."

Ah! This was going to be some sort of apology. I cringed and pulled up my shades for a second, "Well Kai, you did break up will me three days after I got back from rehab. You kinda failed at supportive boyfriend."

"Yeah, I did. Sorry. In hindsight, it was a shitty thing to do. Bad timing and a lie of a reason."

"I knew that."

"Sorry. I’ve always felt guilty."

I smiled, "It was a long time ago, Kai. We've grown up. We're both doing well."

"I wish we could go back to friends again. We were friends since middle school."

I don't think he realized that made it worse. We’d been friends before we were anything else and none of that mattered when he left me. It didn’t matter to me now. “I stopped being angry with you a very, very long time ago, Kai. Forgave you for leaving me when I needed you. But there’s no reason for us to be friends now. I come back a couple of times a year. You and I are strangers now. And while I have forgiven you, I’d never trust you again.” His guilt is not a reason for me to welcome him back into my life.

“Wow.” He looked surprised.

I smiled, “I wish nothing but the best for you.”  I leaned back to see under the bar and brought up a couple of glasses. “Drink to old times?”

He looked surprised again. “Yeah, Em.”

“Good.” I poured the tequila and tapped my glass against his. “To happy memories and years of fun times.”

We both drank and he walked around to my side of the bar. It was my turn to be surprised when he hugged me, “I wish nothing but the best for you too, Emma.”

I patted his back, “Thank you.”

Kai let go and walked back toward the pool.

I tell you what, this has been the strangest visit I’ve ever had and that’s saying a lot. I’m starting to get paranoid about what the next three days are going to bring. I poured another tequila and questioned my decision to not hop back on a plane last night. I could be home in my bed or in the city tucked into Sebastian’s bed waiting for him to get home or out with Eli and Angie. All preferable to this mixed bag of what the fuck.

I hung out for another hour before letting Amy I was heading to bed. Family day was supposed to start at about noon. That gave me time to sleep in a little, go for a run, and shower before arrivals started. Of course, because I had time to sleep in, I woke up at my normal time. I texted Sebastian, saying good morning, and was pleasantly surprised when his face showed up on my phone.

“It’s morning, but good is a stretch.”

He looked a little rough, but still handsome. “Good night with the boys?”

Sebastian nodded then winced, “Very.” He filled me in on his night. There’d been lots of laughs and he gave me back story on any conversations. I liked watching him talk. In his hungover state, he was less animated than usual, but his expressions and eyes still conveyed a range of emotions. I laughed at the late-night stories. My favorite was Chris edging between Chace and Sebastian in the bathroom, sharing a urinal with Seb because he couldn’t wait.

My stories weren’t nearly as funny. It’s possible things got out of hand after I’d gone to bed. I’m sure Amy would fill me in. I told him about the conversation with Kai.

“Ouch, you’re tough.”

I rolled to my side, putting the phone against the pillow, “It’s not my responsibility to ease his guilt.”

“True.”

“If we were going to be around each other my response might have been different, but there’s no reason. Haven’t seen him in twelve years, likely won’t for at least that long. We talked at the party, laughed. We’re just not going to be friends.”

“No, no, I get it.” He was shaking his head. “I think you might still be a little angry.”

I laughed, “Maybe I should have been less direct. I wasn’t expecting to see him. More indifferent than angry.”

“I don’t know if you should have. I just don’t want to be on the receiving end of your directness. The indifferent version.” He smiled with his using my word instead of his “angry”. “You were pretty direct with Drew in the bar too. I like you having a little bite.” He looked like he was thinking and I stayed quiet. “You are incredibly kind until you’re not. I mean, I think you give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but once they cross over the line where you don’t trust them you have no problem putting them in their place. That’s a good thing. Sometimes people don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt.”

“Ed tells me I let people get away with too much.”

“Do you think so?”

“Sometimes. I can give too many chances. It all depends on how much I care about someone and the size of the bad behavior. I think I’m usually direct and kind at the same time, but when I’ve had enough, I’ve had enough.”

“I tend to sugar coat too much. Then get pissy when nothing changes and sometimes it’s because I wasn’t clear.”

Now I had a question. “Are you sugar-coating and think I was mean to Kai?”

“I was imagining being on the receiving end. I wouldn’t have liked it, but, no, I don’t think you were mean.”

“You’d have to fuck up a lot.” Sebastian’s opinion was important. “I’m direct with the good stuff too.”

“I know you are.” His blue eyes lit up with his smile. “I always know where I stand, how you feel.”

Not always. Not right now. “You read me bedtime stories when I’m sad.”

“And you ask me what I need when I’m anxious.”

“Quite the pair.”

“Yes, we are.”

We just looked at each other for a long time. “Your flight is at three.”

“Twelve, moved up to squeeze in a dinner tonight.”

I looked at the time on my phone, “You need to get to the airport.”

“Yeah.” He turned the camera where I could see his bags. “All packed. I’ll call you when I get back to the hotel for our date.”

Our phone sex date. I smiled and kissed my screen, “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Definitely.”

I laid in bed for a few more minutes, just enjoying being happy, before I got up and got dressed to go for a run.  Mom and dad were already downstairs having coffee. I walked around the table, kissing both of their cheeks, “I’m going for a run before everyone gets here.”

Mom nodded over her cup, “How late was everyone here last night?”

I shrugged, “I went to bed about ten. Long day in the sun and then old friends showing up. I was done. Kai showed up. That was less than fun.”

“You left your sister to manage all your friends?”

Notice how they failed to ask how I was after an unexpected visit from my ex-boyfriend. I know I did. I thought about the conversation with Sebastian and what he’d said about some people not deserving the benefit of the doubt. The other night was the first time I’d been so confrontational with my parents in a very long time. Like since I was sixteen right before I moved to Seattle. I took a deep breath and tried to pull in some of the calmness I’d had upstairs in bed. “Guys, we’re almost thirty, not thirteen. Hopefully, we’ve grown out of getting so drunk we knock over patio furniture and throw up in the pool. If not, they are Amy’s problem. They are her friends, not mine. She invited them over. I haven’t seen most of these people for over ten years. And are you telling me in addition to not talking too much about my boyfriend or anything else that makes me happy, I am also expected to babysit my sister?”

“Emma, you’re overreacting.”

Again, with the fucking overreacting. I’m not an overreactor. If anything, I’m an underreactor. I’m positive I’m not overeating here. I guess it’s nice to know it’s not they don’t like Sebastian and don’t want to talk about him. They don’t want to talk about Kai either and I know they liked him. I muttered, “Unbelievable”, as I headed for the front door.

I ran far longer than I'd planned.

It took a long time to calm my mind and get into the zone. What often happens once I let go of my thoughts and get into a rhythm is that the thoughts organize themselves. When I stopped or during cool down I could see things more clearly. What I saw when I slowed my pace to a walk wasn't pretty. It had been my choice to leave rehab when it was no longer good for me. It had been my choice to call Ed to get me away from here when it was no longer good for me. I don't remember my parents favoriting Amy before that summer. Twenty-three days that strengthened me and weakened Amy. Broke my family and gave me a new one.

Choices, even ones that are good for you, have consequences. A tangled web of choices and consequences have led to now. This isn't my home. My parents' focus, as it had been since I went to Seattle or before, was Amy. I didn't agree with how they sheltered her, but I hadn't been here. In their view I was strong, I was fine, and they didn't have to worry about me. I had another family to worry about me. When I thought about it like this, it made sense. I'd left because being here was a threat to me. Now me being here was a threat to Amy. The situation was fucked. We'd all done the best we could. We still were. If what I'd told Sebastian was true, I wouldn't change anything if it meant I didn't know Ed, Jill, Olivia, and Harper. I had to accept the negatives too. I don't know what that means for the future, but as Ed tells me I put up with things too long sometimes.

I arrived back at the house as everyone was finishing breakfast. I'd separated myself from family time by taking a run. Or maybe I'd taken a run because I was separate from my family. I poured a cup of coffee and joined them at the table, helping myself to the container of Greek yogurt and covering it with berries. Blueberries for Sebastian and raspberries for me. That made me smile.

After I showered Amy and I went to pick up my grandparents. Amy told me what happened after I'd gone to bed, including her and Max having sex on the big round double lounger. I told her... nothing. I didn’t tell her about my fights with our parents, I didn’t tell her about the conversation with Kai. I most certainly didn't tell her about my phone sex date later with Sebastian, the early morning just woke up FaceTime, or how he'd read me Winnie the Pooh until I fell asleep. I hated it. I hated how yesterday we were back to talking like sisters and today it was not. Again, my choice, but I knew she’d tell our parents, which under any other circumstance would be fine, but I could not take any more. I could, but I didn’t want to.

The back yard easily held the gathering of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Kids played in the pool while adults talked with glasses of sangria and bottles of beer. The last stragglers were finishing their drinks when Katie crawled into my lap. She wanted me to take her to bed and read her a story. When the book was done, she curled up next to me, looked up, and said, "I love you, Emma."

I kissed her nose, "I love you, too.”

I joined my parents and sister in the family room. Amy explained they hadn't known how long I'd be with Katie and had started a movie without me. I lied and said it was fine, I'd seen it. There couldn't have been much left when “Dancing Queen” started playing from my phone. I stood up, "That’s Sebastian. He's in Canada. I'm going to take it upstairs. See you in the morning."

Mom yelled after me, "We need to leave at nine-thirty."

"OK." I connected the call, "Hey, baby, how was your flight and dinner?"

"Bumpy."

"Which one?"

"Both." His laughter was a balm that smoothed away the roughness of the day. "How was the barbeque and why can't I see you?"

I shut the door behind me and switched the call to video. "I was waiting until I could get you alone."

Sebastian put his arms across his chest, "What kind of a boy do you think I am?"

"A very handsome one." The top three buttons of his white dress shirt were unbuttoned and his tie hung loosely around his neck. "Damn, you look good."

"So do you."

I was in a plain peach t-shirt. He didn't care. To him, I looked good. I went back to his question, "It was fun. Caught up with lots of family. Watched kids in the pool. Mostly sat with my grandparents. Granny was happy to hold my hand and tell me I’m beautiful."

Sebastian's mouth dropped open in a gasp, "I like doing that too." He turned his head to the side looking over my face, "You don't look sad, but you don't look happy either. What's going on with you?"

I looked up for an answer, "I am accepting the reality of the situation. This isn't really home or really my family anymore. Their priority is Amy."

His face fell, "I’m sorry, baby. What can I do? What do you need?"

I smiled a real smile, "Nothing I don't already have." I could see he was struggling to believe me. "Since we were sixteen, they took care of Amy and Ed took care of me. I didn't realize exactly what that meant. Amy is doing better than she ever has. I always thought that when Amy was better." I stopped myself to figure out how I wanted to say this. "It took me coming home while things are good to realize it doesn't matter. Even if she is fine it's all a house of cards. I expected at some time things would be normal, but it won't be. I am changing my expectations."

"How do stop expecting your parents to support you?"

Good question. "You know why Jimmy and I broke up."

"He cheated."

"My parents do not. Amy didn't until Friday."

"Why not?" Sebastian's sadness for me was tinged with anger.

The list of things my parents didn’t know was long. "Just telling them we'd split. I felt like I might drown. The way they wanted to baby and take care of me felt like an anchor around my neck, like I was incapable of surviving a breakup. When I came here for Christmas, they had all these ideas for my life, but they never asked what I wanted. I knew if I told them he'd cheated it would be ten times worse. Does this make any sense?" It wasn't completely clear to me so how could it be to him.

Sebastian rubbed his fingers over his beard, pulling at the grey patch. "I hurt my knee once. They told me to take it easy for twenty-four hours, ice it, stay off it. Then I had exercises and had to move. Walking hurt like hell but it was the best thing if I wanted to heal. Your parents wanted you on bed rest when what you needed was PT. Support to get on your feet. Support should help, not cripple you."

"Exactly!" I smiled and ran my fingers over the video version of his face. "So not having their support isn’t new. I am working on accepting that's not going to change." I watched Sebastian bite his lip and let it slip free. "What's that about?"

"I feel lucky to know you. I'm so fucking proud of you. You don't get stuck in self-pity; you dig yourself out. It's the difference between seeing yourself as a victim or just someone who had something bad happen. They keep Amy stuck and Ed taught you resilience."

My heart stopped and I forgot how to breathe. Not in the good way. In the almost a panic attack way.

"I can do that with work, most things. Relationships." He scrunched up his face and rocked his head from side to side. "I'm learning."

"I'm not always good at it either." Sometimes I needed my ass kicked.

"That’s ok. I'll be here to help. You're still learning too."

I felt a slow smile form across my face and Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you supposed to be teaching me something tonight?"

I fought back the laugh at the way he squeezed his eyes shut and scrunched up his face. It took a good ten seconds for him to come back to me. I let go of the lip I was biting, "You ok there?"

"You cause me physical pain." He chuckled and smiled looking at me.

I don't think he minds all that much. "Where's it hurt, baby?" I dropped the tone and volume of my voice.

He made the face again and pointed his finger at me. "Turn off the camera."

My eyes went wide, "Why?"

"The first time I watch you get yourself off is going to be live."

"You have a lot of phone sex rules, Bastian." Still, I switched the phone to voice only. My screen went dark. I pouted. Not that he could see.

"Stop pouting and tell me what you're wearing."

I resisted the urge to tell him if he let me turn the damned camera back on, I'd show him. I didn't need to be taught how to do this. I was confident I could wing it just fine. What I didn’t know was if this was to be purely descriptive, giving each other instructions, or a role-play. It didn't matter. Any would be fun.

"I have on a peach t-shirt. It's not tight, but it fits against my body. Soft. My shorts are white. If you listen close, I bet you can hear me unzip them," I moved my phone lower to make sure he could. I left the phone by my hip, "I'm going to go ahead and take them off. My legs are smooth against my fingers."

"Take off your shirt too. Tell me about your bra and panties." His voice had taken on the timbre it gets when he's turned on.

"Nothing special. No one to see them. Simple white cotton. They do look nice against my tan."

"Next time we're together I’m licking those tan lines."

"Mmm, I'm looking forward to that. Tell me about you."

"Dressed from dinner. Black pants, long sleeve white shirt, black tie. You saw. Tie undone. A couple of buttons open and sleeves rolled up."

"Unbutton them all, but leave your shirt on. I like you undone. What’s going on with your pants?"

"They're tight. I’m not completely hard."

"Take them off. Rub yourself over your boxers. I love feeling you grow in my hand or my mouth. Your skin is so soft."

"Spread your legs. Touch yourself. Over your panties. I want them wet.” I heard a change in his breathing. Subtle. “I’m hard. Had to adjust my boxers. My cock's up toward my stomach where I can rub the underside. Feels good." He let out a little moan and I could easily imagine the little smile on his face.

"Take your cock out. I've got my hand over my pussy. Massaging myself. Warm. Panties are a little damp. I can tell I'm wet though. I can feel it."

"What's it like, Emma?"

"All the blood’s rushed between my legs. There's an ache, a throbbing, almost like I can feel my heart beating. An itch I need to scratch."

"My hand's around my cock. Slow strokes along the whole length. I flip my thumb over the tip every so often." His breath caught. "Hits the spot, you know the one, sends a jolt, like a shock through me. Feels even better when it's your tongue."

"Fuck. Your talking has me squirming. My hand is in my panties. My middle finger sliding from my clit to inside me. So slippery. How tight is your grip?"

"Tight. Not stroking my length anymore. Turned my hand around where my thumbs against the vein. Holding tight above the middle to the edge of the head. Feels good. Thinking about you touching your clit."

"Moving up and down, kind of slow. Tightening my muscles like you're inside me."

Words stopped, but it wasn't quiet.

Our breathing had synced up and there were these little catches, sighs, and soft moans.

"Faster and firmer now."

"Me too. I'm close."

I might not be able to see him, but I knew exactly what he looked like. His face, his body, were starting to tense.

"Feels good. Not as good as you touching me. Not even close."

"If I was there, I'd put my hand over yours. Feel how you like to be touched. So, I can match it. I'd kiss along your neck, taste you. My other hand, my fingers, barely touching your side, over your hip, across your thigh." The last word was interrupted.

" Em... fuck... yes..." Then a few seconds of silence followed by a long sigh.

"Where are you, baby?"

"Unhooked my bra. Nipples so tight."

"Perfect for me to suck on. I'd use my teeth. Run my hand up your inner thigh. Touching close. I can look down and see you touching yourself. God, how much I want to shove your hand away and taste you. Make you come."

"Oh fuck... Bastian." Everything tightened up then let go.

His voice was in my ear, "Turn your camera back on."

When I picked the phone up off my chest his face was already there. I hit the button and saw my face appear in the small rectangle. "Now you want to see me." I stretched with a contented sigh.

"I always want to see you after you come. The way your mouth is open and you lick your lips. Beautiful."

I rolled to my side, "What's an orgasm feel like for you?"

"Tonight. Mmm, for a while it just felt good. Like any touch, nothing special, except the where. Only more. Then it's like a switch. Goes from feels good to oh shit this is amazing. Starts where I’m touching and spreads down to my balls and lower stomach, base of my spine. It's like tightening a spring until it can't anymore and just let’s go."

"Is sex different? The orgasm."

"Oh yeah." His smile and eyes told me he drifted away a little. "I'll tell you all about it next time we have sex." Sebastian raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"Similar. Like you said just feels good. More of a building for me though. Sometimes it's a slow steady increase. Other times like stair steps. I have to remind myself to relax or I clench my butt and thighs too much."

"I've noticed this. You start to rise off the bed and I have to hold you down." He was clearly enjoying the memory. "Does it change how it feels?"

I nodded, "Tightening up takes the focus away. Eventually, everything gets warm, tingly, and tightens up. Finally, it's like a wave breaking on the shore with muscle contractions."

"I feel those."

"I like the resistance of having something to hold onto." His eyes had questions. I had to search for a workable metaphor. "If you're sitting in a chair and lift your foot you can feel your thigh tighten, but if you're on a leg machine with weights you feel that muscle more."

Awareness hit him, "Really?" I nodded again. "I knew you liked, but I like knowing the why." He laughed, "I love these talks."

I joined in his laughter, "It is fun."

"Hang on a sec." He laid his phone next to him and I could hear him moving around.

"What are you doing?"

Sebastian picked his phone back up, "There was a mess to clean up."

It is so sexy that he told me this. The whole conversation is sexy. Lying in bed a thousand miles apart having a casual chat about a not at all casual topic is sexy as fuck.

"What did you use?" I was amused.

He looked at me with disbelief. Not sure if it was the question or that he was going to answer. "My underwear. They were nearby." He stood up and lifted the tie as he walked. "Can I get rid of this now?"

"Do I get to see your bare chest?"

"Do I get... ok well, there we go. Thank you."

I'd shifted my camera lower and flashed him naked breasts before he finished asking. I moved back to my face, "You're welcome."

He held his phone out where I could watch him free his arm and be shirtless. I made an appreciative noise and he asked, "Enjoying yourself?"

"I am." I hadn’t intended to lick my lips. "I'd like to lay by a pool with you. Or a beach."

"Easily arranged." He stretched out on the bed. "What haven't we done that you want to do?"

"In general, or sex."

He shrugged, "Sex is the topic. Tonight anyway."

"I want you to give me a full body massage that veers off track to a happy ending."

"That will be just as much fun for me." His face showed his interest. "I want you to tie me to the bed, blindfold me, and do whatever you want to me."

I sat up enough to take my bra off, giving him another peek "We're going to need a weekend locked in one of our bedrooms."

"My weekend is free. I think I have company coming Thursday."

"My departure time keeps creeping up to get to you sooner.”

He sang, "Oh what a lucky boy."

“Pretty soon I’ll get there before you, waiting on the floor outside your apartment.” I got hit with a memory, "We need to talk about your birthday. What do you want?"

"Well, that depends on how you feel about birthday sex? I like birthday sex. Not a deal-breaker, not my preference, but fun for a change."

He stretched out on the bed and stuck his phone to his leg. I could see chest up. I propped my head upon my hand and adjusted my phone. "I'm speaking from limited experience here." Sebastian tried very hard not to smile. He failed, but he tried. "You're such a man."

He stopped trying, "You're such a woman." His laughter was a wonderful sound.

"Less than good experience the first time because neither of us realized the amount of prep work required." He winced. I shrugged. "Next time I’d researched. I liked it, he didn't. He was too in his head, worried about being dirty. Then there's you. I knew what I was doing more in theory than practice."

"You should feel free to practice on me anytime you want." He cocked his head to the side. "You can come in and brush your teeth while I pee, but that's as far as I want to go there."

"Women have complete conversations while trading places in a bathroom."

"The group bathroom break cracks me up."

"We don't want to stop talking or want to talk about a cute guy in private."

"Mostly the last one." He wasn't wrong. "Oh..." he shook his head and pulled his eyebrows down, "not into period sex. But you've got an IUD. Do you even have a period?"

"Nope, happy side effect." Condoms eliminated the need for the birth control talk. "How do you know I have an IUD? Can you feel the strings?"

"My fingers are up there a lot."

I smirked, "You're dirty."

"About to be dirtier. Turn off your camera."

[brianc521]

Princess

One look, and you know that she’s Shawn’s daughter. There was no question about it. From her curly locks to the sassy attitude, there was no mistaking her. Skyla Rae Anne Mendes, was a Mendes through and through. Living her life on the road, along for the ride on her Dad’s world tours was where she belonged.

She fills the hole in the touring team that they didn’t even know they had. Sure, having a five year old on tour with a bunch of boys was rough. The things Shawn requested because she was with him made for more work, but at the end of the day everyone loved Skyla Mendes more than they loved her Dad.

“Shawn, really?” Cez asks as Shawn turns to speak to Mike about his solo.

“Okay, so if we have to break after Mutual I want you to go into a solo.” He explains, waiting for Mike to scribble down this scenario. “Like literally go all Tommy Lee on their asses, leave them exhausted from your energy.”

“Okay and what’s the plan if we need to break after Bad Rep, or Fallin, or Youth?” Cez remarks.

Zubin turns and shakes his head at the tour manager, “Were you not at the meeting last night? We literally went over it all.”

Cez rolls his eyes, frustrated with the extra amount of work Shawn is requesting from the band. It adds for more situations of failure and mishaps. The band on the other hand? All hands on deck. They understand Shawn’s need to make sure that he can get off stage at any moment in time, in the rare case scenario that Skyla might need him.

“Daddy!” Skyla cheers, running from the wings where Brian had her, onto the stage to her Dad.

“Princess,” He grins, picking her up and resting her on his hip. “How was lunch?”

“It was so yummy, Uncle Brian let me have ice cream.”

“But you ate all your lunch first right?”

“Sure,” She giggles, looking at Brian to make sure she answered the way he coached her to. The thumbs up she receives from the redhead makes her proud that she remembered.

Shawn rolls his eyes, turning back to Cez and the band. “I just wanna go through like a practice of what could happen if I’m needed after any song, okay?”

The band nods, getting set.

“Okay I guess to do this in a fast motion kind of way, let’s just play the last few chords of each song and pretend I’m running off and transition to each time block.”

Boss Shawn is kind of hard to take seriously when Skyla is tugging at his curls, trying to fix his hair up. Shawn moves her around, hauling her up onto his broad shoulders so he can have both hands free to direct people around. Skyla now has full reign to his curls, pulling them back and watching as they flop back into place.

The boys snicker as Shawn starts to hum the last parts to Lost in Japan. When the band doesn’t follow he turns to see them all chuckling.

“Yeah yeah, she’s cute, but we’ve got work to do. I want this figured out and perfect before the show tonight.” He snaps the boys back to reality.

“Sorry.” They all mumble.

They start going through every song, Zubin taking the time block, Eddie taking another, Mike after one, and then Dave. It runs smooth, and in any case scenario he knows the boys would pick up and take over when needed.

“Daddy,” Skyla taps the top of his head, making Shawn look up while Mike and Dave discuss a duo idea.

“Yeah Princess?”

“M’tired.” She rubs her eye, yawning big, Shawn’s hard boss attitude disintegrating at her cuddly complexion.

“Okay Princess, a few more minutes and we can go lay down.” He gives her grabby hands, knowing that she’ll lean forward to he can move her back to his hip. He kisses the top of her head as she hugs him, head tucked into his neck.

“We’re good?” He asks the band softly, getting their attention from the video Brian was showing them.

“Yeah, go ahead.” Mike nodded towards the wings that led to backstage where his greenroom was.

“Okay, see you guys in a bit.” He says before walking off, passing Andrew and Cez along the way, shaking his head when they try to get him to stop. “It’s naptime.”

They both nod in understanding, knowing that when the tour preparations started they all agreed that Shawn had the right at any moment in time to choose being a Dad over the Rockstar, and when he said the word they couldn’t argue with him anymore. This was one of those times.

He walked to the greenroom, closing the door behind him that way the building of the stage and the wildness of his team around him doesn’t wake his princess.

Sitting down on the couch he relaxed against the arm rest, adjusting a pillow under his neck, and then freezing when Skyla readjusted the way she was laying. Her head rest on his chest, small body laying on top of his like he’s her bed.

He smiles, because this was normal, he was used to being her bed when she needed him to be. Living the constant crazy traveling life with a five year old meant that sometimes things didn’t pan out, like her bedtime and a bed being in the same space.

She was already sleeping by the time he got settled.

**

To create some type of normalcy for Skyla during the tour, and to have her avoid the crazy that is her Dad’s fanbase, on performance days she’s goes out with Brian. An outing during the day, that way she’s not caught in the days work of preparing for the show. Meaning Brian takes her out of the arena, usually to lunch and a theme park. That way Shawn can be Shawn Mendes without the constant worry that Skyla is just in the other room and the what ifs that swirl around that idea.

They leave after the first soundcheck, that way Shawn can have a few moments with her before he has to get into his focus. They’re always back right after Q&A and meet and greets so Shawn can see her before going on stage. That way they can be back to watch the show.

Shawn waits by the back entrance doors, like he always does, right foot tapping as he chews on his pinky nail. The door starts to open and he stands up straight, smiling brightly when Brian walks in with Skyla on his hip.

“Princess!” He holds out his hands for her, and she leans away from Brian and towards her Dad.

“Daddy!”

“How was your day out?” He asks starting to walk back to the green room with Brian and Jake in tow.

“It was so fun Daddy, you should have seen it! I didn’t think I could go on the roller coaster, but Uncle Brian told me that I could do anything I’d ever want. So we did it! And I had so much fun!”

Shawn stares at her while she tells her story, smiling sadly at how he wasn’t there to see her overcome her fear.

“That’s so cool Baby, here,” He sets her down. “Can you go change for the show? I’ll be right here.”

She nods, running off to the bathroom to change into her dress for the show. Shawn turns to Brian with misty eyes once the bathroom door latches behind her.

“Shawn,” Brian shakes his head, noticing the little tears in his eyes.

“Thank you,” Shawn hugs him, giving himself a moment to breathe in a safe zone. “Thank you for being there for her when I can’t be.”

“You’re always there for her,” Brian responds. “Always.”

“Daddy! Tiffany told me that this dress matches your shirt! We’re matching!” She runs out of the bathroom, watching the boys push the other away. “Group hug?” She asks, nose scrunching in confusion.

Shawn laughs, “Yeah Princess, come on.” He hauls her up and the three have a group hug.

**

Before Shawn puts his in ears in to hear the call for him to go to stage he has his ritual moment with Skyla.

It’s become his good luck charm.

“Princess?” He crouches to her level, smiling when she looks at him with her wide chocolate brown eyes.

“Hi Daddy,” She smiles, stepping closer to him.

“Give me some luck?” He whispers, eyebrows raised.

She nods, leaning in to plant a small little kiss to his nose then jumping up into his arms, squeezing him tight.

He holds her just as tight, cautious not to squeeze her too much.

“Thank you Princess.” He hums, eyes fluttering shut as he takes in the moment.

“Shawn, in ears!” The stage hand calls.

He pulls away just enough to see her face, “Be good for Brian, stay where he and I can see you.”

“Yep!”

“I love you, have fun okay?”

“You too!”

He smiles, and leans in himself, letting his nose brush back and forth across hers.

With that he lets go, watching her walk to Brian before standing and slipping his in ears in.

**

“Keep this on your forehead okay? I need to call Andrew.”

“But it’s cold Daddy, it’s cold.” She whines, tears freshly running down her redden cheeks. She coughs, her whole body racking with the movement.

“I know Princess, but you have a fever which means that your body is too warm, and we need to cool it down.”

She frowns at him, still crying. “I don’t feel good.”

Shawn’s heart breaks as his babygirl cries, and he can’t do anything about it. Whipping his phone out of his pocket he clicks on his speed dial and is ringing Andrew up within seconds.

“You can’t leave Shawn, it’s not safe,”

“But she’s got a 101 fever, I can’t keep her here.” Shawn protests.

“I’ve got a pediatrician on the way, should be here in a few minutes, best in the town.”

Shawn’s looking at his baby who’s falling asleep in the hotel bed, hugging Elphie, her plush elephant.

“Best?” He chews on his lip.

“Only the best for Skyla, you know that.”

Shawn sighs, slumping against the wall, “How far away is she?”

“Should be here in ten minutes.”

“Okay, okay.” He nods, hanging up with Andrew and sitting beside Skyla, brushing his fingers through her hair.

He stews on his life for a moment, so utterly frustrated with the fact that his five year old daughter is sick, and the crowd of fans is so large outside the hotel that he cannot get out to take her to the hospital safely.

“I’m sorry Sweetheart,” He whispers, leaning over and kissing her burning cheek. “I’m sorry that my job put us in this position.” He continues.

She rolls into him, curling herself around his leg, resting her head in his lap.

In no time there’s a knock on his door, and then Andrew and a woman entering slowly.

“She’s asleep,” Shawn whispers as they walk in.

“Hi, I’m Doctor Kimberly.” The woman smiles, extending her hand to Shawn’s. “I heard we have a fever.”

“Yeah, she’s had it all day. I gave her some Motrin but it never broke.” Shawn blurs out.

“Okay, can I check a few things?” She asks, pointing to Skyla.

“Of course.”

After checking her up, taking her fever and testing for strep she’s come to the conclusion that it’s just the flu and an ear infection, prescribing some antibiotics.

Shawn thanks her as she leaves, closing the door and turning back to Andrew and Skyla. “Cancel the promo with Armani tomorrow.” He states, taking the bottle of liquid medicine to the bathroom, placing it on the counter next to their bathroom essentials.

“Shawn, it’s a live event.”

“And I don’t care.” He walks back into the room, shrugging as he checks the temp of the rag on her forehead, taking it in his hands and flipping it to the other cooler side.

“The fans-”

“She’s sick!” He whisper yells. “My daughter is sick, and you want me to go to some stupid watch event? No, cancel it. It’s not up for debate.”

**

It’s been about a week and Skyla is practically back to her usual self. She’s got a few more days on her antibiotics and that’s about it. Which means that the routine of tour is back on, and Shawn’s slowly getting back into the swing of working.

Because of some last minute changes flights have been rearranged which now leaves the team to a 5 am flight.

Skyla didn’t sleep well the night before, waking up twice from nightmares. So she’s been extra grumpy this morning. Clinging to Shawn, making it near impossible for him to do anything.

He sighs, turning to Brian for a minute. “Can you take her, I need to help Andrew check in bags and talk travel.”

“Yeah, of course.” Brian nods, holding his hands out for Sky. “Come here, let’s go get something to drink.”

As Shawn goes to hand her over she starts to protest, shaking her head and curling her little fists around Shawn’s sweatshirt.

“Princess go with Uncle Brian, I need to talk to Andrew.”

“No!” She shakes her head, pursing her lips.

“Skyla, let go.” He says again, giving her his Dad look, a warning that this was not a question.

“You can’t tell me what to do!” She raises her voice, starting to kick a little.

Shawn’s eyes widen, nostrils flaring.

“We’re gonna have a private chat if you don’t lose your tude Miss.”

She grumps, crossing her arms and glaring at her Dad. He sets her down, giving her a stern look before going to hand her off to Brian.

Brian goes to take her hand but she won’t uncross her arms so he leans down to pick her up. The minute her feet leave the floor she starts yelling, Shawn whipping around to see Brian struggling with her in his arms.

“Skyla Rae Anne Mendes,” He snaps, taking her from Brian, walking down the corridor with a whimpering Skyla in his arms until he finds a deserted area.

He sits her in a chair, crouching in front of her.

“Take a breath.” He instructs, taking one with her. “Let’s calm down.” Both of them taking another breath. “Now tell me what’s wrong.”

“No! I don’t want to!” She yells at him, full blown tantrum about to go down.

“That’s it,” Shawn shakes his head. “You’re grounded.”

At this, she freezes. Eyes wide and tearful as she looks up at her Dad, taking in the seriousness of his facial expression. He’s had it with her outburst, over the attitude.

“No, no, no.” She whines.

“7:30 bedtime, no TV and no games on anyone's phone.”

The tears start to fall as she begs for him to not ground her, repetition of ‘I’m sorry’ spilling from her pouty lips.

“Listen to me,” He stops her, taking her little hands in his. “You need to calm down, this behavior is not okay. You know that if something is wrong you can tell Dad, and you decided to not do that and instead throw a fit. Not listening and yelling at Dad is not okay, and that’s why you’re grounded.”

She nods, understanding that she did misbehave and that there’s no going back now.

“Do you need another minute or are you okay?” He asks.

She stares at him and nods, “I’m okay.”

“Can I have a hug?” He asks softly, smiling softly when she jumps up and wraps her arms around his neck, nuzzling into his coat.

“I’m sorry Daddy.”

“Okay Princess, let’s go find the boys.”

At this he picks her up and walks with her back to the group by the Starbucks at security. Brian gives Shawn a look that seems to ask if everything was okay and Shawn responds with a curt nod.

“We board in about 30 minutes,” Andrew says once they’ve gone through security.

Skyla sits next to Shawn, head rested on his arm as she stares at the world around her. Brian seems to notice her bored glance while Shawn and Cez discuss the next show’s arena.

“Sky,” He nudges her arm. “Wanna play a game?” He offers his phone that has since been loaded with games for her to play when they were in these kind of situations.

Skyla pipes up, eyes opening wider as she smiles at Brian. Shawn clears his throat and she looks over and catches his stare. She sighs, slumping back.

“Thanks Uncle Brian but I’m grounded. Maybe next time.”

Brian and the rest of the band turn to Shawn with wide eyes, all minds seeming to ask the same question.

Grounded?

He nods and goes back to his conversation with Cez, eyes planted on a coloring book in the little shop across from the gate.

Excusing himself, offering his hand to Skyla he takes her to the shop, letting her pick out a few books and some colors that way she has some fun things to do on the flight.

**

Dublin, night two, that’s when his requests for time blocks after every song just in case pulls through.

He’s in the middle of Stitches when he hears Brian through his in ears.

“Shawn, crowns fallen.”

Those are the code words, ‘Crowns Fallen’, to let him know that Skyla needs him backstage.

The second he hears those words his heart stops for a second, he looks around, giving the band the Skyla signal. Which is him tapping his nose, ear, nose.

The band jumps into action once they’ve all been given the signal, Zubin steps up, shredding on his guitar, jerking his head to side stage so Shawn gets the hint that they’re good.

And like Forrest Gump, Shawn goes running backstage, heels on his Chelsea boots slipping, causing him to roll his ankle and practically fall down the steps, the handrail the only reason why he caught himself.

“What happened?” Turns to anyone he can see first, the security guard pointing to Brian who is crouched in front of a sniffling Skyla. “Princess what happened?” Shawn slides to his knees next to Brian.

“I was dancing to Nervous,” She hiccups, Shawn’s sweaty curls bopping as he nods with her, “And I didn’t see my shoe was untied,” She takes a deep breath, “And I tripped over my shoelace, and I scraped my knee,” She wails, pointing to her bloodied knee.

Shawn sighs, relief flooding his system now knowing she’s not seriously hurt. “Okay Sweetheart, we can fix it. Let Daddy make it better.” He nods, turning to Brian. “There’s a small first aid kit in the strings compartment of my guitar case in my dressing room. Grab that for me?”

“Of course,” Brian jumps to his feet, sprinting down the hall since he knows Shawn’s on a time crunch.

“Princess can you sit down for me,” He pats the chair behind her. “And you,” He points to the security guard. “Can you get me a wet washcloth or a napkin or something?”

The security guard nods, disappearing down the hall as Brian comes sprinting back.

“Okay,” Shawn takes the first aid kit, opening the lid and looking at the tools he has. He then looks to her knee, noticing it’s just a small cut, nothing a band aid won’t fix right up. “Can you take a deep breath for me.”

Brian inhales a very deep breath, causing both the Mendes’ to look over.

“What?” Brian exclaims, “I’ve never seen her hurt before! And I’m in charge! I’m freaking out!”

“Okay, both of you, can you take a deep breath?” Shawn interrupts.

At this both Brian and Skyla take a deep breath in through their nose and out through their mouth.

By the time they’ve taken three deep breaths the security guard has returned with a wet napkin. Shawn takes it, wiping the blood and dirt away from her cut.

“Honey, what band aid do you want? Anna or Moana?” He asks as he gets the anti disinfectant wipe out.

“Moana!”

“Really? I was thinking Anna, she’s the best Princess.” He looks at her.

“No! Moana is Dad.” She disagrees.

“Oh yeah? Why?” He asks, hoping to get her real distracted before using the wipe that’s gonna sting.

“Well she sings better, and she can move water,” She starts on her list. “And her sidekick is a chicken?” At this Shawn swipes the wipe across her knee a few times, quickly tossing it away and tickling her calf so she won’t feel the sting as much.

“Wanna know a secret?” He asks as he gets the band aid out of it’s packaging.

“What?” She asks, watching him stick the band aid to her skin.

“You’re my favorite Princess.” He grins, looking up at her tear stained cheeks.

She giggles, shaking her head.

“I have to go back on stage, are you okay?”

“I’m perfect, you made it all better!” She stands, twirling around just to show him that she’s better.

“Okay good, I love you.”

“I love you!” She waves as he runs back to the stage, quickly picking up the show where he left off.

**

It can be rough when they’re all stuck on the tour bus, hours upon hours of driving to get to the next destination in time.

Shawn tries to keep it as fun and upbeat as he can, that way Skyla isn’t cooped up and bored out of her mind.

It’s why there are random sword fights, or hide and seek games started.

This morning it’s a tickle fight, and Shawn’s it. He’s gotta chase her around, find her, and tickle till she taps. It’s how it goes.

All that can be heard are two identical giggles, one just a bit higher pitched than the other.

Her little feet carry her to the other side of the bus, Shawn’s bigger frame leaving him to bump into everything, slowing him up as her small frame ducks and slides past everything.

But Shawn’s coming, she can hear the pounding of his feet getting closer to her, so she takes her last resort in her surroundings and climbs up into Andrew’s bunk, waking him in the process.

Shawn cringes, hearing the ‘umph’ come from the surprised Andrew.

“Shh, I’m sorry! But Daddy’s gonna catch me! I have to hide.”

“Okay, shh!” Andrew responds, making Shawn smile.

He waits a beat, playing. “Where did she go? It’s like she disappeared.” He says loudly outside the bunk. “How am I supposed to find her?”

He can hear her giggle, and Andrew shushing her. He counts to ten in his head and then grabs the curtain. “Ha! I found you!”

“AHH!” She yells, crawling over Andrew and right past Shawn’s outstretched hands down towards the kitchenette.

“Sorry about that, tried to keep her up front.”

“It’s okay, it’s time to get up anyway.” Andrew nods, “You better go, or you’ll actually lose her.”

“Shit.” Shawn mumbles, running back towards the front.

**

This show is more stressful than any other show he’s performed. Maybe it’s because he’s at Rogers Centre, or maybe it’s because John is here to perform ‘Where Were You in the Morning’ with him. But he’s overly stressed.

He’s pacing like a mad man when Brian pushes him into the couch.

“Chill out, okay?”

“It’s just-”

“I know,” Brian nods. “I know. But take a seat and breathe, or you’re gonna work yourself up even more. Sit with Sky and breathe okay?”

“Yeah you’re right.” He nods, looking to his girl that sits in the corner of the couch, watching a movie on Brian’s iPad, and drinking apple juice from her sippy cup.

Shawn takes a deep breath, leaning over and resting his head on her shoulder to watch a bit of her movie with her.

“What are we watching?” He asks.

“Incredibles 2.”

“Oh cool!”

He can tell that he favorite part is coming up, and he smiles already knowing that it’s gonna make her laugh really hard. That’s what he needs right now, a good ole laugh from his babygirl.

And right as the scene with Violet snorts the water out her nose, Skyla laughs so hard that she moves her cup to the side, effectively spilling the whole cup onto Shawn.

He jumps in shock as the lid to her cup lands on the ground, Skyla staring up at him with wide eyes.

“Skyla Rae!” He snaps, looking down at his now soaked button up.

“I’m sorry!” She blurts, pausing the movie and climbing off the couch to set the iPad on the table so it doesn’t get wet. She even goes as far as to grab the towel off the love seat and bring it to him.

“I’m literally about to go on stage,” He pushes the towel away, standing up and rushing to the door. “SOMEONE GET ME A NEW SHIRT!”

Skyla stands at the couch, bottom lip wobbling as a rush of people come running.

“I’m sorry Daddy,”

“I don’t have time for this, I’m about to go on stage.” He says again, walking with Tiff to wardrobe to see if they can put something together.

Brian walks in, taking in the dramatics and spotting Skyla with big tearful eyes. “Oh Honey.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to!” She cries. “I didn’t know the lid wasn’t on all the way. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Brian shakes his head. “Dad’s just really worried about the show, he didn’t mean it. It’s okay.”

With the rush of getting him cleaned and changed, and to stage in time, this show ends up being the first show that he doesn’t do his ritual with Skyla. He doesn’t have time. And that just makes her even more upset, because now she doesn’t have a chance to tell him how sorry she is before he goes on stage.

She watches him walk on, and sits on the ground to watch.

Brian stands behind her, arms crossed as he watches his niece tear herself up over something that wasn’t her fault. She’s right, she didn’t know the lid to her cup wasn’t on all the way, and if anyone is to blame it’s him. He’s the one who got her the cup, and set her up on the couch.

He takes a seat next to her, letting her rest her head against his arm. “You okay Bug?” He asks softly as she takes a shuddering breath.

“I didn’t give him luck.” She looks up at him with pursed lips.

“Want me to get him for you?” He asks, knowing that if he told Shawn she was upset he’d come running.

“No.” She shakes her head.

**

He has no idea why he was so stressed, this is one of the best shows he’s ever had and he’s only three songs in. The crowd is alive and louder than any crowd he’s ever heard before.

The smile can not be erased from his face, and knowing that his family and daughter are there for him is making this show that much better.

He looks over, knowing that ‘Nervous’ is Skyla’s favorite song to dance to, double taking when he doesn’t see her twirling like he usually does. He really has to focus, but he sees her.

It’s like his world stops for a moment when he spots her sitting on the ground next to Brian, head rested on his arm, pout settled on her lips. And it’s like everything hits him. He never got his luck, or his hug. He never even heard her laugh at that scene in the movie.

He gives the Skyla signal to Brian, who pulls out his walkie talkie. He stands, walking a little away from Skyla so she can’t hear him.

“She’s upset,” He says, watching Shawn’s reaction. Shawn turns to the band, ready to give them the signal too. “She said she doesn’t want you to come.” At this Shawn stops, turning back to Brian. “She thinks you’re mad at her.”

Shawn’s giving the signal before he can even blink. No way in hell was he going to allow his babygirl to think that he was mad at her.

He books it off stage, running to her.

“Princess?” He asks softly, watching her look up slowly with tearful eyes. His heart breaks at the sight. “No Honey.” He drops, sitting next to her. “I’m not mad.”

“I’m sorry.” Her trembling lips say.

“Oh Skyla,” He reaches out and takes her into his arms. “I’m not mad or upset Baby. I’m not.”

“I didn’t know the lid was off my cup, I’m sorry I spilled on you.”

“Honey stop, it’s okay.”

“You were upset.” She cries into his shoulder.

“Not at you,” He shakes his head. “Not at you, I promise. Could never be mad at my Princess.”

“Really?”

“Of course Baby.” He pulls back to look at her face. “Now,” He hums. “Give me some luck?”

She smiles, leaning forward to kiss his nose, and give him his big hug. “You have to go back.”

“I love you.” He tells her, brushing her hair back.

“I love you too.”

He sets her on her feet, taking her face into his hands, brushing his nose back and forth across hers and then planting a long kiss to her forehead. “I love you Princess.”

“Go be a Rockstar Daddy.”

He grins, kissing her forehead one more time and then running back on stage. The crowd erupts when they see him again.

“Hi!” He says into the mic. “Sorry about that.” He waits for it to die down. “It’s just, my daughter is here.” He points to his Princess in the wings. “And she needed me for a moment.” He sighs. “And having my daughter on tour with me is the greatest thing, because for me, it puts everything into perspective.

“Because when she says things like ‘Go be a Rockstar Daddy’ it reminds me of who I am. I wouldn’t be a rockstar without you guys.” He points to the crowd, who’s yelling and screaming. “But I wouldn’t be a Dad without her.” He points to his Princess. “And for me, there's a time and a place to be those things. When I’m here, on stage performing, that’s when I’m a Rockstar. But when I’m backstage, like I was earlier today, watching Incredibles 2, I’m a Dad. And her Dad should not have gotten so upset when she accidentally spilled her apple juice on him. But her Dad was in Rockstar mode. So he got upset which caused her to become upset.”

The crowd is aweing, and listening to him completely, taking in every word because it’s not often that Shawn shares stories like this about Skyla.

“So, that’s why, while I’m a Rockstar right now, I needed to take the time to go and tell her that I’m okay, and not upset. And I just wanted to say in front of all you, to her, that Baby I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I got upset, and I’m sorry I didn’t get to hug you before going on stage. And to apologize further I’d like to invite a very good friend on stage, to help me perform one of Skyla’s favorite songs, since she was a baby. Everyone this is ‘Daughters’, give it up for John Mayer.”

Skyla squeals from side stage, watching Uncle John walk on stage with his guitar and starting to play her favorite song.

“Sky,” Andrew taps her shoulder. She looks at him. “Go get your Dad.” He says pointing to Shawn.

She smiles, running on stage, the crowd becoming that much louder when they see her little body. Shawn turns at the sound, eyes widening when he sees his Princess coming towards him.

He smiles, crouching down to catch her, lifting her up so he can sing the next verse.

John gives her a toddler wave, blowing her kiss before taking over the next verse, singing to the Daddy Daughter Duo in front of him.

Shawn nuzzles into her cheek, letting the moment of being a Dad and a Rockstar consume him. All his dreams have come true.

“I love you Princess.” He says into her ears.

“I love you too Daddy!” Echoes throughout the arena.

[the-everlasting-dream]

Interrogation

Summary: Behati decides to get to know her mother’s neighbour better.

A/N: This has been in my head for the longest time and its finally coming to life. I would really appreciate if you left me a little comment of what you thought coz I’ve never written for MOTY before..

MC Faceclaim: Zoe Saldana

Kiddo FC: Yara Shahidi

Levi FC: Enrico Ravenna

Word Count: 1777

Warnings: None

‘Hey Rocket,’ Levi Schuler called out to his neighbour's daughter as he turned over two different bracelets in his hand. ‘Which do you think makes me look cooler?’ 

Ashanti was working late that night at the dress shop and she’d asked him to watch over her adorable daughter Behati and he was happy to oblige. Levi had always considered himself a big kid anyway so getting along with the nine year old was a breeze. She was so smart and witty, it caught him off guard sometimes. She was just like her mum. The thought of Ashanti momentarily brought a smile to his face before it morphed into a frown. Something wasn’t right. 

 ‘Rocket?’ He called out, suspicious of the silence enveloping the apartment. A worm of worry grew in his chest and he pocketed the bracelets before heading to the little girl's room. He knocked on the door but there was no answer. 

‘Behati?’

Levi tried to keep his voice even, as his mind ran through a list of the worst possibilities. If anything happened to the kiddo, he would never forgive himself. After a long terrifying moment, he heard her sweet clear voice call out. 

 ‘Come in.’ 

‘Oh Rocket you almost gave me a heart attack! If anything happened to you- Wait why are you dressed like that?’ Levi cut his relieved rambling short, confused. He took in the sight of the nine year old, perched on her bed, wearing her school lab coat and massive costume glasses with a clipboard and pen in her hands. 

 ‘Have a seat Mr Schuler,’ she instructed, nodding to a chair she’d strategically placed before her. 

 Levi obeyed, barely able to suppress a grin at how adorable Behati looked but sensing that she wanted this to be a serious affair, he decide to play along. ‘Am I in trouble ma’am?’ 

The girl shook her head solemnly. ‘I’m going to ask you some questions and get to know you better. We’ll start off easy. What's your favourite colour?’ 

He chuckled, graciously going along with her game. ‘Blue. What’s yours? Lemme guess..’ He gave a quick glance around the room then at her colourful t-shirt. ‘Purple..?’ 

‘Yes!’ Behati smiled widely before turning back to her clipboard. 'If you could be any animal the world what would you be?’ 

Levi puffed out his chest proudly. ‘Probably something cool. Like a falcon or a jaguar. Something thats awesome and badass like me.’ HIs eyes widened in shock, not sure what Ashanti’s policy on swearing was but not wanting to risk it either. 

Behati patted his knee sympathetically. ‘It will be our little secret.’ She even had the gall to wink at him. 

'What’s your third favourite ice cream flavour?' ‘I- Oh wow I don’t think I’ve thought about it before,’ he rubbed the back of his neck as he thought. ‘First would be chocolate for sure, then caramel…. then maybe…hmm. Gotta go with Ben & Jerry’s cookie dough. Love that stuff.’ 

'Speaking of food, do you like pineapple on pizza or not?’

‘Hell no!’ He exclaimed. ‘Why would you interrupt the rich awesome flavours of meat and cheese with something sickeningly sweet. Pineapple is the worst fruit. And fruit does not belong on pizza.’ He crossed his arms to make a point. 

 ‘Are you sure?’ ‘One hundred percent positive.’ Behati’s eyes sparkled. ‘What about tomato? Thats a fruit and that definitely goes on pizza.’ 

After a beat, Levi shook his head. ‘Huh… guess ya got me there. You’re one smart cookie Rocket.' 

 She returned his fist bump before going back to her list. 'Which is your favourite Barbie movie?’ 

‘Uhh I… I haven’t seen any of the Barbie movies actually.’ 

The nine year old gasped as if he’d said he’d never heard of Beyonce or something. ‘Oh my gosh you have to watch them. My favourite is Barbie the Princess and the Pauper. It was one of the first ones and its got all mu favourite songs I also like the one where…' 

Levi let her ramble on for a few minutes, taking in how adorable she looked when she got excited talked about her favourite things. She literally lit up like the sun itself. God she’s going to go far. And I hope I’m there to see it. 

 ‘…but that one really sucks. Thats what Mum thinks.’ Behati gasped as if she’d gotten an idea. 'We should do a Barbie movie marathon! we’ll have snacks and drinks and treats. Maybe next time you babysit me we can ask Mum if we can do that.' 

Levi ruffled her hair affectionately, grinning. ‘Sure thing Rocket. You tell me when and where and I’ll be there.’ 

They chatted on for a little bit, making their grand plans to talk Ashanti into letting them watch over 10 movies back to back before Behati went back to her list. 

 'If you had to be in a band would you chose One Direction or BTS? 

‘Eww...Are those the only choices?’ he protested, rubbing the back of his neck. ‘I was thinking more along the lines of Bon Jovi or Led Zeppelin.’ 

Behati’s nose scrunched up. ‘Led what?’ 

Levi raised his eyes to heaven. ‘Hasn’t your mother taught you anything? They’re only the greatest bands of all time! Woooaaah livin on a prayer!’ Singing a few bars, he mimed a guitar solo and head banging for a few seconds only to see Behati covering her mouth to conceal her laughter. 

 ‘Whatever,’ he mumbled, in mock annoyance. ‘You kids these days have no taste.’ 

Behati tapped her pen against her clipboard before continuing on. 'Are there more leaves in the world or blades of grass?'

'Er, blades of grass… I think..?''What about trees? Are there more trees than buildings?' 

‘Um trees.’The nine year old cocked her head to the side.. ‘Are you sure?’

‘Uh pretty sure.’She was fixing him with an analytical gaze that made Levi suddenly second guess himself. Where there more trees than buildings…  

‘Hmm.’ Behati took a moment to think. ‘I need to look into it.’

‘You do that. Any more questions?'

‘Did you make those yourself?’

Surprised, Levi glanced down at the two homemade bracelets he’d been clutching the whole time, sheepishly hiding them behind his back. ‘If you ever tell your mum, I’ll deny everything.’ 

 Behati let out a giggle, breaking her act and Levi joined in, glad to see her so happy amidst the tough custody case her parents were in. If only that sonofabitch Guy would let go of his goddamn ego… This lil girl deserves the whole damn world. The whole damn universe while we’re at it. 

 ‘Sorry to break up the party kiddo but if I don’t get you into bed soon, our chances of having that Barbie marathon are Poof!’ He mimed an explosion with his hands. 

 ‘Last one,’ Behati pleaded, her mood growing much more sober as she fixed him with her big brown eyes. ‘Are you in love with my mum?’ 

What? That caught Levi off guard. How was he gonna answer that? 

 ‘What makes you say that?’ He asked, nervously rubbing the bag of his neck, hoping for some stalling time. 

 Behati shrugged. 'Its obvious. You’re always hanging out here and you and Mum get really smiley around each other. I even heard Mum talk to Alma about it one night when I was supposed to be sleeping.’ 

‘Oh yeah? What did she say?’ Levi queried, filled with curiosity. Ashanti was talking about him..? 

 ‘Nothing much,’ Behati replied between yawns. ‘She just think you’re cute and really really nice. So are you gonna marry her? Are you gonna be my new dad?’ 

He held his arms out in a defensive gesture. 'Woah woah, slow down Rocket, come back to earth for a bit huh? I don’t think we’re at that stage yet. Particularly with stuff with your actual dad.’ 

Levi looked at her open, innocent face, hanging on to his every word. He couldn’t get her hopes up but he couldn’t lie to her either. He debated internally with himself for a long moment before answering. 

 ‘Look Rocket, you and your mum are amazing people and I’m so lucky to have you in my life. I’m not saying anything too crazy with this but… I’d really like to be apart of your lives for as long as you’ll have me. Whether that will be just as your neighbour… or something… else. I don’t know yet. I don’t know what the future holds but anything is possible. You and I will just have to wait and see.’ 

He watched Behati nod, taking it all in sagely. 

He gave her a couple more seconds before clapping his hands twice. ‘Alright bedtime. Even rockets need their rest!' 

Soon after, Levi was tucking Behati under her space themed quilt before she piped up again. 

 'One more question.' 

'All theses questions and questions but alright, I’ll take one more.’ he replied, crouching down next to her bed, tucking her under the covers. ‘Whatcha got for me?’ 

‘Can you play for me? Mum usually sings me a song to go to sleep.’ 

Levi felt his heart soften a little. ‘Of course Rocket.' 

And that was how Ashanti found them when she came back that night; Behati fast asleep and Levi steaming idly on the strings as his face formed a gentle smile. 

 'Hey maestro. How’d it go?' 

'It was great.’ 

She raised her eyebrows, watching him rise from the chair and make his way over to her. ‘What? No snappy response.’ 

Levi smiled softly at her. ’Nah not tonight.' She returned the smile albeit a bit confused at his sudden affection. ‘Everything okay there Guitar boy?' T

hat was what he loved about Ashanti. No matter how tired and run down she was, she always made time for others, to ask them how they were, if they needed anything or simply just to give them a little pep talk. Her pep talks were sometimes the highlight of his day, he’d miss having people hat would be in his corner to talk him up and hold him accountable. He loved how she… He loved.. 

He was falling in love with her. 

 He glanced at the sleeping child in bed and again at her mother in the door way, feeling strangely at home right here. I could get used to this. Ashanti stared up at him, puzzled and Levi could have kissed her in that moment right there but taking in her tired eyes and probably aching feet after a long shift, he decided against it. There would be other times. He opted for a kiss on the head.  

‘Everything is perfect.’ 

-

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[onewfantaesy]

In secret brother au, Jinki doesn’t start bringing Taemin to his concerts until he’s about four-and-a-half years old. By then he’s a little more capable of being left with a trusted guardian to watch Jinki perform on stage without crying and whining and throwing a fit because he doesn’t understand why he can’t go be on stage with Daddy.

“Dada’s gonna be on the big stage,” Taemin says, holding one of his most precious toy dinosaurs that Jinki let him bring with him that night. It’s a blue plush dinosaur instead of his usual plastic ones. He’s talking to the choreographer who offered to watch him during the show.

“Are you going to watch your dad on the monitors?” she asks.

“Yeah,” Taemin says, fidgeting with his dinosaur. “I’m his number one fan.”

He says it so matter-of-fact that she can’t help but laugh.

“Do I gotta wear this?” Taemin whines, tugging at the backstage pass hanging around his neck.

“Yes,” she tells him very seriously. “It lets all the other workers know that you’re allowed to be back here, in case you get lost. And it has your dad’s phone number on the back of it.”

And it did have Jinki’s cell number written on a little piece of paper that he had stuck inside the plastic cover.

“But I know Daddy’s number,” Taemin pouted. “I men’rized it.”

“And that’s very good,” she says. “But you still need to wear it.”

Taemin just huffs and pouts, but he goes toddling over to the monitor they put on a coffee table for him.

Once the show starts, Taemin is completely glued to the screen. He watches every single second, his dinosaur clutched to his chest. He sits on his knees at the table, the little backpack of possible essentials Jinki packed still on his back, and he eventually puts his head down on the table, cushioned by the arm not holding his dinosaur.

“Dada,” he whispers whenever Jinki comes on stage. Sometimes he presses his fingers very gently to the screen. He even hums and sings along to most songs.

Eventually, towards the end of the concert when it’s past Taemin’s typical bedtime, he clutches his arm with his dinosaur closer to his chest and brings the same hand up to his face, sticking his thumb in his mouth, still humming the songs while his eyes droop just a bit.

When Jinki, Minho, and Key start saying their goodbyes on stage, Taemin even whispers a little, “Bye bye,” and waves to the screen.

When Jinki comes in to collect him a bit later, Taemin is half-asleep and a bit over-tired, but he’s so excited.

“Dada!” he calls when he sees him, and he holds up both arms for Jinki to pick him up. “Daddy, I saw you.”

“Did you see me?” Jinki coos, holding Taemin at his hip and fluffing his hair. “What did you think? Were you a good boy? Here, give Daddy your bag.”

And Jinki takes the backpack off Taemin’s shoulders to hold over his own, and he listens to Taemin babble on about the concert. Taemin does eventually start whining a bit. And it’s completely expected, because it’s late and he’s sleepy and he ready for bed.

“I’m so glad you got see Daddy,” Jinki whispers, kissing his head. “Soon you’ll be big enough to go out in the big seats.”

“I took some really cute photos and videos of him,” the woman who watched him says. “I’ll send them to you.”

“Great, thank you so much,” he whispers, careful not to stir Taemin who’s slowly falling asleep against Jinki’s shoulder.

As soon as Jinki steps out of the venue to go to his car, a barrage of fans start screaming and shouting and flashing their cameras. Taemin instantly jerks awake, and he’s clearly very confused and startled and bleary eyed, clutching tightly at Jinki’s shirt with one hand and hair with the other.

“It’s okay, baby,” Jinki whispers as the screams die down, patting Taemin’s back. “It’s just excited fans. Go back to sleep.”

“Dada,” Taemin whines. He’s pouting and sniffling and curling his fingers around Jinki’s shirt and hair so tight.

“You’re okay, baby,” Jinki just continues to whisper, and he gently eases Taemin’s head into his shoulder, giving him little kisses the whole time. “Go back to sleep. Maybe Daddy shouldn’t have let you stay up so late.”

“Dada,” Taemin whispers, burying his face in Jinki’s neck and moving his arms to wrap around him, his dinosaur pinned between Taemin’s arm and Jinki’s neck.

“Daddy’s got you.”

“Sleep in Daddy’s bed,” Taemin whines.

“Okay,” Jinki agrees. “We’ll both sleep in Daddy’s bed tonight.”

Once the fans realized a sleepy Taemin was in Jinki’s arms, they all immediately quieted down. Jinki greatly appreciate it, sent them a few waves and smiles, and then went to work getting a limp Taemin buckled into his car seat.

As soon as they get home, a sleepy yet still awake Taemin demands cuddles and snuggles in Jinki’s bed, and he curls up against Jinki’s chest.

“Dada you singed good,” Taemin whispers. “Sounds pretty.”

“I’m so glad you liked it,” Jinki laughed softly, rubbing circles into Taemin’s back.

“Dada,” Taemin whispers again, his voice very faint and clearly in the very edges of sleep. “Sing bedtime song, please?”

“Anything for my number one fan,” Jinki teases. “But you have to go sleep, baby.”

“Mmhmm.”

And Jinki sings the same bedtime song he’s sung to Taemin since he was a baby. A soft, simple lullaby. Taemin loves it. It always puts him to sleep. He’s completely asleep and breathing softly against Jinki’s side before the song is even over.

Two months later for the second leg of the concert series, Jinki changes his last solo song for the concert to be the same lullaby. He finds Taemin knocked out in the dressing room when it’s time to leave.

[jonsastan]

Jonsa: A Dream of Spring @jonsadreamofspring

Day 6:  Parallels / King and Queen / Memories Aka: Jonsa Homecoming King and Queen Au

If you looked up the term ‘golden child’ in the dictionary you would probably find a picture of Sansa Stark. She was a straight A student, she was considerate of others, she was responsible, she volunteered, and started the school’s composting initiative. She was clever and kind and beautiful. So it really didn’t surprise anyone when she was nominated for Homecoming Queen.

Jon Snow on the other hand wasn’t exactly your typical Homecoming King but he got nominated anyway. 

“It’s probably just some stupid underclassmen that think he has dreamy eyes.” Jeyne said as Sansa stood at her locker pulling out books for her next lesson. “He’s not going to win or anything.” Sansa made a non-committal sound. 

She didn’t really care who won Homecoming King. She didn’t really care if she won Homecoming Queen. It might look good on her applications to university, but it wasn’t like it was her only achievement at school. Jon was in some of her classes and was her brother’s best mate so they knew each other, but they weren’t really friends. Sansa seemed to be involved in every aspect of school life, volunteering, organising, studying, tutoring; but whenever she saw Jon he was either with Robb, Theon, or walking his dog. He wasn’t exactly typical Homecoming King stuff. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Did you see that you and Jon are in the lead for Homecoming King and Queen?” Robb asked, sitting on the bench next to where Sansa was cooking dinner. Both their parents were working tonight, so Sansa was on cooking duty and Robb on cleaning duty. Arya was on bedtime duty, which never ended well. She told scary stories and then Rickon couldn’t sleep unless he was curled up in Sansa’s bed. 

“Yeah I saw the poll.” She chopped carrots for a moment. “Did you nominate Jon?” She asked, trying to sound nonchalant. 

“Nope, I think it was Theon.” Robb stole a carrot slice from the chopping board. “As a joke. You know Jon, he’s the most awkward introvert in the whole North, so Theon probably thought it would be a laugh to nominate him.”

“That’s kinda mean.”

“That’s Theon.” Robb shrugged and stole another carrot. “I don’t think he realised how much Jon helps people behind the scenes, didn’t realise how popular Jon was, in a quiet kind of way.” Sansa stopped chopping and looked at her twin brother. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, he tutors underclassmen pretty much every afternoon-”

“He’s not at the tuition program.” Sansa objected, her head tilted slightly. 

“He doesn’t like the program, says it’s too focused on ‘improving grades and not actual understanding of the subject’.” Robb made air quotes. “He also helps out at the vet, you know Davos’ vet?” Sansa nodded. “And the animal shelter. He’ll bring extra lunch to school because some kids don’t have any.” Robb shrugged. “And he’s got pretty okay grades.” 

“I didn’t know.” Sansa muttered. 

“Jon doesn’t brag about it.” Robb hopped off the bench and walked over to the fridge, opening it and perusing the contents. “How long ‘til dinner’s ready?” 

“About 20 minutes.” Sansa replied, finishing chopping the carrots. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sansa petted Lady as she waited in the small room of the vet. Lady needed her shots and Sansa had organised to walk her around alone so her mum and dad could watch Rickon’s lacrosse game. Of course being a lacrosse game for the under 7’s it mostly ended up in one kid hitting the other with the stick. 

Sansa heard the gentle tap at the door and held onto Lady’s leash as the vet nurse entered, even though Lady would never bolt for the door, or jump on someone. She did begin to wag her tail excessively and that’s when Sansa realised it was Jon Snow who seemed to be reading over Lady’s history.

“Hello Lady.” He said, kneeling down and ruffling the dog’s ears. “Hi Sansa.” She couldn’t help but smile slightly at Jon’s priorities. Dogs first, then people.  

“Hey Jon, how are you?” 

“Not bad. Working here a lot. How are you?” He asked, taking the lead from her hand and moving Lady to the fancy table that lowered to the floor then rose to be right height for the vet.

“I’m okay. Trying to get my dress sorted for Homecoming.” 

“Oh right. That’s soon, yeah?” 

“Two weeks.” There was an awkward pause as Jon examined Lady’s teeth and made notes for Davos, the vet. “You have a date?” She asked for want of something to ask. 

“Nope, flying solo. You?” He chuckled before lowering his pen. “Of course you have a date.” He shook his head and smiled slightly. 

“Actually, I don’t. I was thinking about just tagging along with Robb, but he’s got an actual date.” She said feeling a little annoyed at the way he’d said the last comment.

“Yeah, he told me.” 

“He didn’t tell me who!” Sansa exclaimed feeling slightly betrayed by her brother. Probably thought I’d tease him.

“Fryd.” 

“Football Fred or Lacrosse Fryd?” She asked. Jon turned to her. 

“Wynafryd Manderly.”  

“Lacrosse Fryd.” Sansa muttered, nodding her head. 

“She doesn’t play lacrosse.” 

“She’s Rickon’s coach. It’s why Robb has been attending the games with an almost religious fervor.” 

“What about football Fred?” 

“Robb’s been hanging out around the football team more often than usual and Fred Flint is fit.” 

“Makes sense.” Jon nodded and they lapsed into silence for a moment. “So do you maybe wanna go to Homecoming alone together?” He asked, running his hand through hair that was just long enough to tie into a half up style, avoiding looking at her. 

Sansa moved toward Jon and Lady, patting her dog. 

“Yeah. I’d like that.” She smiled at him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What colour dress are you wearing to Homecoming?” Robb shouted making Sansa jump and her hand jerk causing a harsh black line across her, otherwise perfect, notes. 

“Pink!” She shouted back without much thought. It wasn’t until later, when she was getting ready for bed she wondered by Robb wanted to know. She crossed the hall and tapped on his door. 

“Oi! Why did you want to know what colour dress I’m wearing to Homecoming?” She lent against the doorframe, watching as Robb stuffed books into his school bag. 

“Theon, Jon, and I went to buy corsages and he asked me to stealthily find out your dress colour so he could match the corsage.”

“And shouting it at me is stealthy?” She raised a bemused eyebrow at him. He shrugged. 

“At least your corsage wont clash terribly with your dress.” She nodded in agreement before returning to her room. 

The was sweet of Jon.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sansa check the contents of her tiny clutch purse for the fourth time in the space of about 5 minutes. 

Phone? Check. Money, just in case? Check. Lipstick? Check. Keys? No! Wait, Jon is driving, you don’t need keys.

She let out a sigh and glanced at the clock. Jon should be arriving any moment. She lifted a leg and examined her sparkly pink shoe, smiling. She liked these shoes, they were bright, and girly, and thoroughly impractical. 

“You look lovely.” She turned and saw Jon standing in the doorway, an awed smile on his face. He wore an all black suit with a pink pocket square, the shade matching her dress exactly. She smiled. 

“Not too shabby yourself.” He reached out a hand to help her stand and she took it, enjoying the warmth of his palm. 

“My dad let me borrow his car for the night so we don’t have to ride in my shit box.” He said, walking her down to the fancy black car. She knew Jon’s dad was rich, he’d have to be to attend Winterfell Prep, but she also knew Jon wasn’t close to him. 

“That was kind.” She offered, not wanting to spark anything negative. 

He opened the passenger door for her. “It was nice.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Your Homecoming King, Jon Snow and your Homecoming Queen, Sansa Stark will now take the floor!”  The over excited MC announced. 

It was corny, and old fashioned, but a part of Sansa loved the fact that the King and Queen would have a dance as the rest of the class joined in. 

Jon lead her to the middle of the floor. He placed a hand gently on her waist and there was a moment of complete stillness and Sansa was sure Jon could hear the beating of her heart. Then the music began and Jon guided her around the dance floor. 

“You dance surprisingly well.” She commented after a while, noticing Fryd wince slightly as Robb trod on her toes. 

“Thanks.” He smiled gently at her. 

The song ended and was followed by energetic music, more suited to groups than couples. 

“Would you like some punch?” Jon said into her ear, his lips brushing her earlobe. She nodded. He took her hand and led her over to the punch stand, procured two glasses, and gestured to a quiet little alcove not far from them. 

“So how does it feel to be royalty?” She asked, sipping the overly sugary drink. Jon chuckled. “A privilege I neither sought nor wanted. What about you, your grace?” He said with a small bow. Sansa laughed. 

“It’ll look good when I apply for uni I suppose.”

“You didn’t want to be queen?” He asked looking surprised.

“No, it wasn’t exactly the ambition of my high school career.” She shrugged. “But my mother did say I have the perfect shaped head for a tiara.” Jon laughed at this before taking a sip of his own drink. She noticed a droplet of punch clinging to his lip and had an impulse to kiss it off. 

Jon was sweeter than she’d realised, kinder too. He thought of others first and was considerate of those around him. And he looked great in a suit. 

“So do you think people understand our whole ‘going alone together’ thing?” She asked as a means of distracting herself from Jon’s lips. He looked at his shoes before answering her. 

“I kinda think the whole matching corsage and pocket square might have suggested friends going together, at least.”

“At least?” She asked, taking a half a step toward him. 

“Some people, maybe some people who are here with a really clever and funny and beautiful girl, people who have trouble talking with other people, people who think said girl has a really cute dog and a nice brother but not as nice as her, might think that this was a date.” He suggested, staring at his shoes again. Sansa half smiled.

“Would these people also happen to have stupid plastic crowns on their heads?” He looked at her and smiled. 

“Yeah.” She moved closer again, reaching her free hand out to tangle her fingers with his. 

“I kinda think it’s a date too.” She whispered.

And then Jon was kissing her or maybe she was kissing Jon. Either way it was only a matter of moments before Theon wolf whistled loudly at them.

[fromherlips]

april 2030: silk pajama top

hello and long time no talk about a face to call home! this is a project i totally intend on finishing, so here is part seven! if you’re behind, you can catch up here. there are only three more parts left after this! thanks so much for still caring about heva! i think! if not, thanks for letting me still care about heva<3

“Harry!”

He was sitting at the dining room table with Maddie and Phoebe, supervising their crafting session to ensure that no markers or glue made it onto the table instead of the newspaper he laid down for them. Eva’s voice carried through the flat, though the two girls didn’t stop working. Harry grabbed the scissors, just in case, before pushing his chair away from the table.

“Girls, one second, your mum is calling,” Harry told them. They barely looked up from their crafts, continuing to color on their sheets of paper.

It was a Saturday afternoon and Eva insisted that she wasn’t going to go into the office, but she needed to get some work done at home regarding phone calls and sketches. He gathered the girls up and took them out for breakfast where he promised them they could do crafts all afternoon if they were good. Bribery seemed to work the best with them from time to time, though they hadn’t given Harry and Eva that much trouble yet. He wasn’t sure how that was going to change when their son was born the next month, but he hoped that they’d take on their big sister roles well.

When Harry stepped into his and Eva’s bedroom, all he could see was Eva’s arms in the air, her fingers flexing when she saw him enter the room.

“You alright over there?” he asked, walking towards her side of the bed.

“Why do you have scissors?” she asked. “Are you going to kill me? Now? This many years later?”

Harry looked down at the scissors in his hand, albeit a pair of scissors meant for kids that could barely cut through paper. “Sorry, the girls were doing crafts and I didn’t want to be the dad who left them with scissors that would become a crime weapon,” he explained. “Now, back to my original question: are you alright?”

Eva was laying completely on her back, her body almost parallel against the mattress aside from her head propped against the very bottom of a pillow. She tugged down the hem of black silk pajama top, concealing the bit of stomach that peeked out at the bottom.

“I’m fine, I’m just a little stuck,” she replied. “I was sitting like I normally do and then I got a little sleepy so I laid down and then I kept laying down until I was like this and now I feel like a turtle on its back.”

Harry fought the urge to snort at Eva’s explanation, keeping his face as straight as possible while she continued to lay helplessly on the mattress. “Aw babe,” he cooed, setting the scissors down on her bedside table on top of her closed sketchbook. “Come here.”

Eva held out her arms for Harry to grab, pulling her up carefully until she was sitting vertically again. She let out a deep sigh, her hands smoothing over her stomach, following the dramatic curve. “I am very happy that you are coming out next month,” Eva said quietly, looking down at her bump. “Mostly because then I get to meet you. But also partially because I want my body back.”

“I love you pregnant,” Harry said.

“You love me all of the time,” Eva replied, rolling her eyes. “I love what happens after being pregnant. And the first trimester is fine. I’m just getting antsy.”

“I know,” he replied, holding onto one of her hands while she started to take deep breaths. “I should really make sure that the girls haven’t started writing on the walls in marker.”

“Right, right, our children that I already popped out of my body,” Eva said, laughing at her own joke before Harry could. “Help me up, I think I’m already done working for the day and I’m really craving something.”

“What?” he asked, watching her cautiously as she started to shimmy off of the mattress.

“Not sure yet,” she replied, her feet dangling in the air as she sat on the edge of the bed. “I just know that I’m hungry and I’m really hoping it’s for something that’s in this apartment.”

Harry smiled, backing up to give Eva space as she hopped down from the mattress. He grabbed the scissors, holding the blades down as she walked behind Eva down the hall and back to the dining room. The girls were still sitting in the same places, silently coloring while their favorite playlist played softly in the background. Eva stopped for a second, watching Maddie and Phoebe as they exchanged crayons back and forth, sharing all of their art supplies.

Eva headed for the kitchen while Harry went to sit back down at the table with the girls, placing the scissors back down out of their reach. “What did I miss, Feebs?” he asked, patting down the curly ponytail that he’d managed to put in that morning without any fussing from her.

“I colored more,” she said, pointing down to her sheet of paper that was now covered in multi-colored scribbles. “Dad, do you like coloring?”

“Sometimes,” he replied. “I’m not very good at it.”

“Do you ever color those?” she asked, pointing as the tattoos on his arm. He looked down at the bare skin, covered in black ink that had started to fade to a charcoal grey.

“No, I don’t,” he said. “Should I?”

“I like them better without color,” Maddie said.

“You should put glitter on them,” Phoebe told him. “We have glitter glue.”

“I reckon that might wash off when I take a shower,” he pointed out.

“Then don’t shower,” she said, shrugging before she started coloring over her picture with a navy blue crayon.

“That’s not an option,” Eva said, walking into the dining room with a bag of crisps and a bowl of ice cream. She sat down across the table from him in the seat next to Phoebe, sneaking a peek at her drawing. “You have to keep showering or else I might vomit from the smell.”

Harry laughed, tapping her shin with the tip of his toe under the table. “For you, anything,” he said.

“Why does mum get to eat ice cream during the day whenever she wants?” Maddie asked.

“Because mum sometimes gets really hungry and the only thing she wants to eat is ice cream,” Harry tried to explain. “And your baby brother also really wants ice cream so she has to have it to make him happy.”

“Well, ice cream would make me happy,” Maddie replied.

“And me!” Phoebe added, perking up in her chair.

“What about us?” Maddie asked, staring at Eva from across the table.

Eva narrowed her eyes at Harry, quirking her brows while she waited for him to fix the situation. “Your mum wants to make you happy too,” Harry said, unsure of where he was going with his response. “But ice cream as a meal will just give you two tummy aches and those won’t make you happy, will those?”

“I guess not,” Maddie replied with a frown. “Can we have ice cream tomorrow? The good one with the fun flavors?”

“Tomorrow after dinner, sure,” Eva replied, digging her spoon into the mound of ice cream in her bowl before it started to melt. “Tonight Miss Ivanka is coming over with a couple of mummy’s friends from work, okay?”

“Oh crap, right,” Harry said, remembering Eva’s meeting with a few of her employees, the ones that were higher up in the company.

“Daddy, that’s a bad word,” Phoebe pointed out.

“I’m sorry, you’re right, I shouldn’t have said that,” he replied. “Ev, do you need me to take the girls somewhere tonight?”

She shook her head. “No, it’s okay, it’ll be during their bathtime and bedtime. Do you mind doing that solo tonight?”

Harry shook his head. “Of course not,” he replied. Eva had done plenty of things with the girls on her own, even with work all of these. Things with Harry’s career had slowed down exponentially, but there were still bouts of traveling that he was doing when Maddie was born and even right when Phoebe was born. He hated leaving his family, even just leaving Eva at home while she was working when they were married without kids left an ache in his chest until he was back in New York with her.

“Thanks, babe,” she said. “I know it’s weird doing it on a weekend but some of the Los Angeles team are going to call in, so hopefully it’ll be productive.”

“Is this about the transition?” he asked, trying to keep their conversation in front of the girls as vague as possible.

Eva nodded, averting her eyes away from Harry and down at her bowl of ice cream. After Maeve and Niall left the month before, the two of them had a talk more serious than the rest about their future and what was going to happen when their son was born. The idea of leaving New York City upset Eva, leaving her in tears after Harry even suggested it. She apologized for being so emotional, but he understood. Even despite the hormones, New York City was always her dream. Moving away from what she always wanted felt like she was losing part of her dream, even if she accomplished it.

Despite this, when Harry asked if she ever thought about living anywhere else, she admitted that Los Angeles would be the only other place she could ever live. Harry understood. Part of him knew when he married Eva that staying in the U.S. was most likely the only option for them and he was happy to be wherever she was. He didn’t push the conversation much further, mostly because the two of them were interrupted by Phoebe waking up crying from nightmares. The topic was dropped for the night, but Eva mentioned several times since things about her Los Angeles team and making sure that she prepped her four top employees at her New York office in case she decided to relocate.

Eva and Harry both knew that her New York team ran as efficiently as it could. Eva’s Los Angeles office was lesser established. It was a smaller, but still growing team that needed more direction. Eva could only fly out so often, especially because Phoebe was born soon after she finally got it up and running across the country. The timing wasn’t perfect, but it was still running as smoothly as it could. Eva wanted it to be like the New York office, but she knew that she couldn’t give it the time it needed when she was living in Manhattan still.

“Mum, Dad, look!” Maddie said, grabbing the corners of her paper. She showed both of them a drawing of a garden of flowers, each a different color of the rainbow. “I painted this for our brother’s room.”

Harry could see the tears welling in Eva’s eyes as one of her free hands fell to her lap, running along her stomach. “It’s beautiful,” Eva said, smiling at her oldest daughter. “He’s going to love it, Maddie. That was very sweet of you.”

“I hope he does,” she said, showing it to Harry one last time before setting it down.

“He will,” Harry assured her. “We’ll have to put that someplace special. We should get a frame for it so we don’t lose it.”

“Yeah!” she agreed, nodding excitedly. “Do you think he’s going to like us?”

“I think he’s going to love us,” Harry replied. “Especially you and Phoebe. He’s going to have the best big sisters anyone could ever want.”

“Like Auntie Gemma?”

“Just like Auntie Gemma,” Harry replied. “You know, Auntie Gemma is going to visit soon, right? After your brother is born?”

“We’re so excited,” Maddie said. “I already know what we’re gonna do when she’s here.”

“Do you now?” Harry asked. “What about when Uncle Frankie and Uncle Anthony come with Aunt Tara and Aunt Jeana?”

“I have it all planned up here,” Maddie said, tapping on her forehead a few times. “We’re all gonna have so much fun.”

“I bet,” Eva said. “Phoebe, what are you drawing?”

She frowned at her paper, dropping her crayon down. “I don’t know,” she replied. “It’s not good like Maddie’s.”

“It’s beautiful, Feebs,” Eva said, placing a hand on her back. “You know, I used to feel the same way. When I was in school, there were tons of other girls who I thought drew better than me. And you know how I make clothes? Well, I used to think all of the other girls were way better at that than me too.”

“Were they?” she asked.

“We’re all good in our own ways, Feebs,” Eva told her. “I love your drawing. Are you going to give it to your brother too?”

“No,” Phoebe said. “It’s mine.”

Harry couldn’t help it. He tried to stifle his laughter with the back of his hand, but instead he chuckled out loud, his cheeks turning redder by the second. Eva kicked his shin under the table, which made him laugh even harder. Phoebe didn’t seem to know what was going on and Maddie continued to color, starting on a new picture of an apple tree.

* * * * *

“I am exhausted,” Eva said, plopping down on the sofa next to Harry with a cup of decaffeinated tea. The girls had been asleep for over an hour and Eva’s team had left half an hour earlier, giving her enough time to shower and get ready for bed while Harry tidied the flat. “Were the girls okay for you?”

“Totally,” Harry replied, resting his arm around her shoulder. “Maddie read a little bit to Phoebe tonight, just a few pages, but still.”

“She’s so good,” Eva murmured, lowering the mug closer to her lap. “Sorry, the meeting ran a little later than expected.”

“That’s alright,” he replied. “How did it go?”

Eva paused, pressing her lips together while her fingers rapped against the side of the mug. “Really well,” she told Harry. “You know I’ve been talking with people at the New York office and the LA office and I think we’re at the point where everything here in New York is…running well. Really, the only time of year that it’s going to be crazy is around the fall and spring collections, but other than that…”

“Mhm?” Harry asked, urging Eva to continue.

“The team really thinks it’s time to focus on the LA office right now,” she told him. “It’s running okay but the goal is to get it up and running like it is in New York now.”

“And they need you to do that,” he said.

“Well, yes, in a sense,” she told him. “I could still do it from here, I would just need to step back from the New York office and focus more on LA.”

“Ev,” Harry sighed. “You know I want to be wherever you are. So if we stay here, that’s fine, but we can’t stay here. There’s no room for the baby. There’s barely any room for the four of us and our stuff.”

“I know,” she replied. “I don’t want to make this about me because that’s not fair and I don’t want to be selfish. It’s just hard because this is what I’ve always wanted, to be in New York and to make my fashion dreams come true. And they have. Everything I could have ever wanted came true, and not just with my brand or being here. Everything with you, with Maddie, with Phoebe, with our friends and family. I’ve been here for fourteen years and it’s been the best fourteen years I could’ve asked for.”

“So much has happened here. I somehow ended up with my own brand and that brand stopped just being a small independent brand and became global, which is insane. We got engaged here, we had our two daughters here, and we’re going to have our son here. A lot of big stuff has happened here and I just feel…really sentimental about it. But I know I won’t be leaving New York forever. I’ll still have work here and it will always have a special place in my heart. I just want to be someplace that’s good for us, Harry. All of us. Maddie, Phoebe, and whatever our little guy ends up being named.”

“I’m still pushing for Harry Jr.,” he joked.

“Jerk,” Eva snorted, dragging her knuckle under her eye to wipe away a few stray tears. “Look, I’ve already got myself crying. I’m such a mess.”

“You’re not a mess,” Harry said, pressing a kiss against her temple. “I would live anywhere in the world as long as I was with you and our kids. You know that, Eva.”

“Even a remote village in Poland?” she asked.

“I’ll start leaning Polish right now if that’s what you wanted,” he told her. “What are you thinking, Ev?”

She let out a heavy sigh, relaxing her body against Harry’s. “I think we really should start thinking about Los Angeles again. I mean, it’s closer to my family so you always have backup when I need to go to New York for long work trips You can still write out there. I have the office to take care of. It…it seems like a natural choice for us.”

“I agree, absolutely,” he told her. “You’re sure about this, Eva?”

She nodded. “I’ve been sure for a while, I think I was just in denial and emotional about leaving New York,” she told him. “But that’s not fair to you or the girls. And I think…I think LA is the right place for us, I really do.”

“Me too,” Harry replied. “I don’t think we should move until after the girls are done with school though. They finish up at the end of June so…mid-summer? End of summer?”

“Mid-summer. End of summer is too close to fashion week in September,” Eva told him. “We’ll just have to set up a crib in our room while we deal with this flat. Do you have anyone in mind to start looking at properties in LA?”

“I might have already asked someone to start looking a month ago,” Harry admitted. “I was just curious to see what was out there and…Ev, there are some amazing houses I could see us in. All of us.”

She nuzzled her cheek against his shoulder, her body molding against his as they cuddled closer on the couch. “I can’t wait to see them, Harry,” she told him, letting her eyes slipped closed. “Two big life changes in such a short period of time, huh?”

“I guess so,” he murmured, his eyes glancing down at her stomach. “I’m excited though. We can handle it. You can handle it.”

“So can you,” she replied. “We’re gonna be alright.”

“Absolutely, Ev,” he hummed. “Absolutely.”

[heathergoffrier]

How New Moms Can Get A Good Nights Sleep Even With A Newborn Baby!

Tired of waking up multiple times per night? Use these 9 tips for getting a good nights sleep with a newborn baby, plus get my free Top 6 Newborn sleep tips here: SEND ME THE SLEEP TIPS

Getting a good night's sleep with a newborn in the house is like finding the pacifier that fell onto the nursery floor in the middle of the night. It's seemingly impossible, especially by the rays of the nightlight and with half-open eyes at 2 in the morning. And you know you're truly sleep-deprived when you start to get four-plus hours of sleep in a row and are like-- "WOW! I can't believe we slept so long!" Feeling good after half a night's sleep must be God's built-in, kind gesture to get us through until babies sleep the whole night.

Let Me Give You Some Hope:

You won't forever be the sleep-deprived zombie you feel like you are now. In fact, you can rapidly improve the sleep that you're getting now during the newborn phase, both in quality and quantity. If you implement the following tips for getting a good nights sleep with a newborn baby, you'll be amazed at the results!

My sweet little B

9 Tips For Getting A Good Nights Sleep With A Newborn Baby

1- Start A Sleep Schedule For Baby

The best thing I did with my newborns was to put them on an infant sleep schedule, or more specifically, a routine. This came in so handy with our oldest daughter because my husband deployed two weeks after her birth. I was solo-parenting, and I needed all the sleep I could get. You can read more on that story here. I didn’t use a rigid schedule, but helping us both develop a routine allowed her to nap and eat regularly during the day, and sleep for longer periods at night. She slept 8 hours by 7-8 weeks old, and was sleeping 10-12 hours by 10 weeks. RELATED: WHEN IS THE BEST TIME TO START AN INFANT SLEEP SCHEDULE? Of course, you can imagine that if she was sleeping that much, I started to recover from sleep deprivation and feel so much more rested pretty early on into motherhood. Woo hoo! Not that I haven't experienced my share of sleepless nights (life with 3 kids is never dull lol) but those first few months with a newborn are brutal. I was grateful to keep the constant waking to a minimum. By the way, I created a really helpful printable with my Top 6 Newborn Sleep Tips and you can grab it free here: SEND ME THE SLEEP TIPS

2- Use Essential Oils

We hope you enjoy the products we recommend!  This post may contain affiliate links. That means we get a portion of the commission if you click through and make a purchase, but you don't pay a cent more. Thank you for supporting our small business as we strive to help you rock mom life! I love the smell of lavender, and I use it regularly to help my mind and body get ready for sleep. I place a few drops on my wrists, rub them together, and take a deep breath in. Ahhhhh. This is making me sleepy haha. Essential oils can help you relax and fall asleep more quickly. You can put them on the back of your neck, on the collar of your pjs, diffuse them, or just smell the bottle. I recommend using pure grade oils, not just a cheap bottle from the drug store, as you don’t want fillers in your oil. Just be sure to stick to the list of safe oils for baby, since baby will get an up-close whiff of them when they’re around you. I like to put lavender on my babies feet when they're especially upset!

A good night of rest = happy baby & happy mama

3- Turn Off Electronics One Hour Before Bedtime

Ok. This is hard. I use my phone as an alarm clock. Not that I need an alarm very often, since my kids wake me up long before the alarm would go off. But I pretend. Electronics can keep you awake longer than you’d like. The blue light emitted stimulates your brain and delays it from winding down for sleep. Some apps do have a night setting, which could help a bit. But as much as you need downtime in this stage, I suggest going for options such as a magazine or book to help you wind down… and --BONUS-- they’ll probably put you right to sleep!

RELATED: 8 HOMEMADE BABYFOOD TOOLS THAT WILL SIMPLIFY SWITCHING TO SOLIDS

4- Create A Bedtime Routine

It’s the WORST when you finally get baby down for a nice solid night’s sleep, and now YOU can’t sleep. What gives?!?! One of my fav tricks, as someone who has struggled with falling asleep in the past, is to create a bedtime routine for yourself. Wash your face, floss and brush your teeth, and get your pajamas on (and whatever else you do) in the same order each night. The purpose of a bedtime routine is to cue your body that sleep is coming soon. As you develop a habit, your body will learn that after XYZ happens, we go to sleep. Your pre-bedtime activities signal your mind that sleep is coming, and it can start to transition from awake toward rest.

5- Recycle Your Routine

It may take some time to figure out the order you prefer, but try to stay consistent for 3-4 weeks once you nail it down. If you find yourself lying awake for more than 20 minutes, get up and “recycle” your bedtime routine (see above point). Splash water on your face, use the restroom, repeat the basics. Doing so can re-trigger your brain that “Hey, it’s time to sleep!” A routine is great for mama and baby too. As you move baby into a gentle routine, your schedules can coordinate and naturally play off one another. For example, I did my bedtime routine around my little ones' night routine and late night "dream feed." If you want to hear more, I give you my best bedtime ideas in my free download, “My Top 6 Newborn Sleep Tips.” It’s in my free resource library, and you can get the password here:

SEND ME THE SLEEP TIPS

6- Wear Nursing Tops And Nursing Pads For A Good Nights Sleep

Be sure to wear comfortable sleep wear for nursing. I wore nursing tanks or a nursing bra at night. I also recommend cloth (washable) nursing pads for night time. I used disposable during the day, but at night the cloth ones were way more comfortable. Nursing pads give you some extra absorbency and can prevent you from waking up to a soaking wet shirt, especially when your body is still adjusting to nursing.

7- Get Daddy Involved

Who says Mommy has to do all the work with a newborn? Daddy may not be able to nurse, but he can change diapers, warm bottles, wipe up messes, and more. My husband would get up and change the baby's diaper while I got ready to nurse. Then he'd hand her off, and I would nurse while he went back to bed. I know I'm pretty lucky to have a hubby so willing to jump in and get involved. I had to do it on my own for #1 and #3 since he was deployed, but I got a taste of him helping with our second daughter and I really appreciated it! RELATED: 7 BABY CARE IDEAS TO HELP DADS TO GET INVOLVED

Hubby deployed 2 weeks after my oldest was born, the day after this pic was taken.

8- Stock Your Bedside Table

I was always parched when nursing. As soon as my girls started nursing, it was like insta-thirst. Like I'm gonna die right now if I don't get some liquid! Here's what I kept on my side table: A tube of Lansinoh lanolin creamA Tervis Tumbler with lid and straw by the bedside table. (The lid kept me from having a huge mess to clean up in the middle of the night as I fumbled around for a drink. Who needs that!?)A packet of Ritz crackers for a midnight snack. Babies suck down so many calories, nursing always left me hungry.Tissues for myself (my darn allergies)My phone, for googling tips and reading (yes I broke my own rule #3 sometimes!) Having water on hand helped me to get back to bed that much quicker after a nursing session!

9- Celebrate The Small Stuff

If you're like me and have more than one child, it never fails that the day your newborn sleeps a bit longer is the day one of your other children wakes up SUPER early. It's always in the morning that I wish I'd gone to bed earlier! HA! But in those moments, at least I can rejoice that my baby is getting good sleep. After I grumble down the hallway a bit. ;)  We gotta celebrate the little wins, ladies! Put these tips into practice, and soon you will be getting a good nights sleep too. GET YOUR FREE COPY OF “MY TOP 6 NEWBORN SLEEP TIPS” TO HELP YOU GET A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP TONIGHT!

SEND ME THE SLEEP TIPS Read the full article

[matildainmotion]

Crowdfunding Diary #14: The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe, The Virgin Mary and other Amazing Mothers (An Alternative Christmas story)

Here it is: the final day of our crowdfunding campaign. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I pressed the ‘Go Live’ button 28 days ago on the Crowdfunder website. It was rather like motherhood: you can have no idea how intense it is going to be until you ‘go live.’

           I heard in November that we had been successful in our Arts Council grant application. I knew we needed to match fund it and it made sense to me to look to crowdfunding as an answer. The last time I applied to the Arts Council was 10 years ago to create and tour an aerial-theatre solo show. This time my project could not have been less solo. I want to found a national network.  I thought I should ask the people who would directly benefit from the initiative for support, that way I would be raising funds and building the network at the same time.

           This much has happened and I am thrilled. It has been amazing to feel the ‘crowd’ of you growing out across the land. In contrast to the adventurous independence of summer, winter feels like a time to come together, so it has felt good, despite the apparent drawbacks of crowdfunding before Xmas, to be building a tribe as the days shorten and the nights draw in. After today, as we roll into Christmas, turn to home, to present-wrapping and potato-peeling, I shall go offline but I shall also carry you with me. I shall feel differently knowing you are out there and that you believed in Mothers Who Make enough to have supported it and to be reading this.

           In the first ‘Crowdfunding Diary’ I wrote, I described the experience of being ‘on’ as a mother and how it related for me to the experience of being onstage as a performer. Crowdfunding has also felt like being onstage, but as in my mothering, the hours are different to the performer’s usual schedule: it is a durational act, a 24/7 of ‘on’-ness. To this degree crowdfunding has felt like mothering an ever-expanding family. I am reminded of that nursery rhyme,

           There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.

           She had so many children she didn’t know what to do.

           She gave them all broth without any bread,

           She whipped them all soundly and sent them to bed.

I don’t share that old woman’s parenting style but I can certainly relate to her level of overwhelm, to the point that providing proper meals feels like a huge challenge and bedtime seems like the only solution to gaining any mental space. Becoming a mother, pressing the ‘Go Live’ button on the crowdfunder page – these things both made me grow up fast. They forced me to examine my values, to name why I am doing what I am doing and get behind it in a way no Arts Council application has ever required of me. Motherhood and crowdfunding are both terrifyingly rigorous endeavours. I am grateful for it, and I am also glad to be going back to mothering only two children for a while over Xmas, as opposed to a whole crowd of them.

           Since it has felt like being ‘on’ non-stop and as this is our last day of it, this blog feels like a curtain call, and so I notice there are certain people I want to credit and to thank.

           There is a long list of mothers/makers whose support has been invaluable and without whom none of this would ever have even happened. However right now there are three people in particular I want to name.

           The first is Naomi Stadlen who wrote the book What Mothers Do Especially When It Looks Like Nothing. This brilliant book draws on Naomi’s years of running a group in North London called Mothers Talking. I read the book, looked her up and to my delight discovered the group was still going – it is now in its 25th year. My son and I made the great pilgrimage from South to North London to attend Mothers Talking and it was amazing. It was the only mother and child group to which I went in those early days where I felt the depth, complexity and intensity of what I was experiencing was acknowledged and given value.  We didn’t talk about baby purees, we talked about exhaustion, about identity, about the political implications of the daily choices we make as mothers, raising the next generation. Mothers Who Make meetings are based on the structure which Naomi Stadlen has been using for 25 years to run Mothers Talking.  Thank you Naomi.

           The next credit. Another great woman, and another great book: Lucy Pearce who wrote The Rainbow Way, Cultivating Creativity In The Midst of Motherhood. In it Lucy contrasts the wellknown ‘Earth Mother’ archetype to the lesser known archetype of the ‘Creative Rainbow Mother.’ Back to that old woman in the shoe (maybe she was a frustrated creative? Why else would she have been living in a shoe?!) Lucy named my experience of struggling to get the broth and the bread on the table for my children on time everyday, because I was so busy trying to sustain my creative practice alongside my mothering. Her book enabled me to take the step of articulating and understanding my experience of mothering and making as a ‘thing,’ it wasn’t just me being a bad mother. Thank you Lucy.

           The last credit, and this time it is not a woman and there is no book involved.  It is a man: my husband. Phelim McDermott. In our household I am a full time mum and Phelim goes out to work, directs shows and, this last year, goes on the TV, albeit for 20 seconds, to collect his Olivier Award for his recent opera. Meanwhile I am at home, sitting on the landing trying to grab half an hour while the children are still asleep to write another page of the novel I have been struggling to write for the last 5 years, wondering if I will ever get it finished and published. These are our roles. On this campaign they have been reversed. I have been the visible one. He has been the one quietly and unstintingly supporting me behind-the-scenes. So I want to thank him and all the partners of the mother/makers. I have been touched by how many men and non-mothers have given to our campaign and this in turn makes me think of Christmas….

           Christmas is a strange and amazing story in which the dad is not the lead role. Joseph is a minor character. There are of course a couple of main parts for the boys – there is the baby Jesus, but as a baby he is best played by a doll at this stage, and there is the father with a capital F, not Father Christmas who has rather stolen the limelight, but God the Father. As ‘Fathers who Make’ goes, He claims the biggest creative credit going – the universe. However, He is offstage, or rather He does the lighting, lays on a special star. In this part of the story, the one we are heading towards now, the main part goes to the mother, Mary. It is her moment. She gave birth in a stable. Having given birth twice now, I can imagine this. I can imagine the ‘lowing cattle’ might have been quite helpful, a comfort even– labouring is such an animal thing. Such an extraordinary mixture of animal and spirit coming together.

           I was brought up Catholic. I do not define myself as this now but I do love carols. I am going to take the children carol-singing tonight, in the village where I grew up and where my mum still lives. My son’s favourite is “Oh Little Town of Bethelem.” I like that one too. There is one line in it that gets to me,

           “Yet in thy dark streets shineth the everlasting light,/ The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight.”

Imagine that – all the hopes and all the fears from all the years, gathered together in the streets. I love that image. This is my wish for Mothers Who Make and for the new year ahead, that we can make space, amidst the streets across the land, for gatherings of hopes and fears. Here is my prayer or wish – that all the mothers may know they are not alone, and that all the makers may know that, no matter what its outcome, what they are doing is worthwhile.

You have one more day to help make this happen: https://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/mothers-who-make

[babystuffs]

How to Learn Your Kid To Sleep in Her Own Bed ?

The good news: You can untrain the little monster who's taking over your bed. The bad news: It may not be pretty. Your life is not an episode of Supernanny and your family's sleep issues won't get resolved in an hour or even a day. If you really want to make the change, though, and you're prepared for tears, wails and cries of "But Mommy, don't you love me?" you'll make it through. Here's how to pull the my-bed-to-your-bed switcheroo:

Before Bedtime

First things first: Is today a good day to start? If you're in the midst of potty training, are going on vacation or are expecting a new baby, wait until things settle down. Yes, you'll have to put up with your little bed partner longer, but the sleep training will go much faster if you wait until your routine is more regular.

Once you've decided to take the plunge, start talking about your new bedtime expectations in the afternoon—that way, she'll know what to expect at lights-out. Try saying something like "Mommies and daddies sleep in their beds, and kids sleep in their own beds," says Spivack.

She also suggests making a homemade "sleepytime book"—nothing fancy, just stapled-together paper illustrated with stick-figure pictures that your child can color. If your family recently moved, for instance, and your daughter started sleeping in your bed while she got used to the new house, your story would focus on that and end with how she finally started sleeping happily in her very own bed. A picture book can help young children understand their new sleeping situation in a very concrete way.

Do your usual bedtime routine (here's help if you don't have one!), then get ready for the boot-camp—tough part. more related content : http://www.newmomstuff.com

After Lights-Out

Okay, reality check: This is where moms who couldn't stand the cry-it-out method when their kids were babies may turn back and say "Forget it." Hey, kids will eventually sleep alone (show me a teenager who wants to be in bed with Mom and Dad and I'll show you a reality show waiting to happen). But if you'd rather yours go solo more like this month than this century, you can do it—you just need to brace yourself.

In general, both sleep consultants and parents who've been there say that once you decide to start this sleep training, bed sharing needs to end entirely. No "Well, just for five minutes" or "Maybe tonight because she had a long day." That means midnight visitors get walked back to their rooms, tucked in, kissed and left behind. No extra snuggles, no drinks of water, as many times as it takes. There will be screams and sobs, and kids so resistant you'll have to carry them, wriggling and accusing all the way, to their beds. Which they will jump out of in a split second. You will start to wonder if you will ever sleep again. You will; just maybe not tonight. Keep this up until the new rules sink in.

If your child has been starting out in your bed and sleeping there all night, every night, your job is even less fun (sorry). Take a comforter into your child's room and sleep on the floor—not in her bed—all night long (double sorry). Even though a slumber party in your child's room is probably not your idea of a good time, it's a smart move in the long run. "If you're in her room when she falls asleep and then not there when she wakes a couple of hours later, she will call out or come looking for you," says Jennifer Waldburger, L.C.S.W., cocreator with Spivack of The Sleepeasy Solution. "Sleeping in her room all night pushes the reset button, so to speak, on whatever anxiety your child is having about being there alone. She can wake up and see Mom or Dad each time, then just go back to sleep."

After two or three nights, switch to sitting quietly in a nearby chair until your child falls asleep. But no talking! You want to bore your child to sleep. If she kicks up a fuss, temporarily leave the room. She'll settle down if she knows the reward is that you'll rejoin her.

Each night, move yourself farther from your child's bed—to the door, to the hallway and eventually back to your own bedroom. "If your child follows you, you want to calmly, unemotionally, walk her back to bed every time she gets up," says Waldburger.

A secure door gate—or just the idea of it—can also work wonders for certain kids. When she was 3 years old, Monica and Ron Calderon's daughter, Marquesa, started waking up around 4 a.m. and sneaking into bed with her parents. After a few nights of crowded quarters, the Tigard, OR, couple reminded little Marquesa of "the gate," the one she knew from when she was a "baby" (a few months back). Marquesa hated being corralled, so that gentle threat was more than enough to coax her back to her own bed. The Next Morning related topic : http://www.newmomstuff.com/3-baby-flat-head-pillow-picks-choose-the-best-for-your-baby

How'd your kid do? If not so great, keep encouraging him and reminding him of the new rules. If he made it through the night—or even made some improvements—bring on the praise. He's a big kid! He can do it! Toddlers and preschoolers, thank goodness, thrive on pleasing you.

Prizes are also generally welcomed by little kids. You could let your child pick a small "sleep treat" from a grab bag in the morning or leave one under his pillow. I admit it: I lured my younger daughter, Flora, back to her bed with prizes. Borrowing an idea from Janie Peterson, author of The Sleep Fairy, I told Flora that the Sleep Fairy (sort of like the Tooth Fairy) leaves stickers, small toys and other goodies under sleeping children's pillows. It worked like a dream. Within a week, she was in the habit of staying in bed, and the prizes weren't even a big issue.

It may take more than one tactic to entice your child into his bed. But whatever you do, be consistent and have faith! Colleen and Rob, the parents of bed-hog Jenna, stuck it out and report that now their problem is getting her up in the morning. Well, at least everyone's getting some rest.