#tony gilroy i'm looking at you

[girlrandomstuff]

Jimmy Smits in Obi Wan Kenobi is a treasure

I have already talk about Simone Kessell's performance as Breha Organa, and how beautiful she did. But I can't stop thinking neither in Jimmy's performance.

I was rewatching OWK today, and I just realized how GOOD Jimmy Smits' performance was, I mean he is always great, he's so talented, but here he nailed it in this scenes in particular.

What this three scenes have in common is Bail being worried about his kidnapped daughter.

First one: he has to clear his throat in order to keep talking, his voice is broken and his face only shows the pain he is in.

Second one: in this one he's not only begging Obi Wan to save Leia, he's also demanding him to save her, he's worried, he's angry with himself too, he's sad and you can see all that in his performance, you can also see how much he adore his daughter.

Third one: this is maybe the most subtle, his tone is a bit more relaxed, not because he's more calmed but because he has to be very clear in the message he's sendig to Obi Wan, how I can realized that? Because of his hand, that gesture with his hand, his at the edge of a panic attack (this reminds me a lot of Tony Stark's gesture with his hand when his anxiety was at the top).

And you may ask, why did I point this scenes? Of course because of his acting, but also because it fits so good with his reaction in “Eclipse” short story. (Spoilers 📢)

Now we can fully feel and see the pain in him and his reaction to first his daughter in danger and then after being told their daughter was killed. It's not like we couldn't feel it before but now it hits so much harder because we now got to see, visually and spoken, the actors performance in a similar situation.

Other scene where I think he COMPLETLY KILLED IT, was this one.

“One day, this planet will look to you Leia. There are many ways to lead. You just have to find yours” —Bail Organa.

This is just pure poetry, pure beauty. We got to see the beautiful relationship Bail and Leia had, how lovely he was with her, how supporting, to get to see it after reading Leia, Princess of Alderaan and the manga just makes everything better.

It also conect so beautiful with this scene with (even more) baby Leia and Bail, him talking about her mother's bravery and sense of duty, things that will form Leia in the woman she will become.

Jimmy Smits understood the asigment so well.

[legionofpotatoes]

extremely bad faith mandalorian takes, do not engage please i cannot stop hysterically laughing at this season and thus am incapable of level-headed discourse. these are just words I want to write down to see if they look as unbelievable as they sound in my head

my favorite telltale sign of the embarrassing s3 story optics is their like. genuinely hilarious ostrich-neck-in-the-sand rehash of past story arcs down to the aesthetic fucking beats. that's the shit sandwich that really gets me in this whole stank buffet. It is astonishing. Like there was genuinely nothing else they could come up with as to not upset the status quo of their fickle, marketable story limbo, and so they, and I cannot stress this part enough, ignored established character progression beats and just did them again. they just did them again. from the top, using shockingly similar payoffs, right in front of our own eyes. and I just sat there and ate it!!

din has to re-love his toxic death cult after clearly progressing away from their value systems cause he's cooler with that helmet always on. gotta keep the limbo going. his main north star, set up as his way out of said cult, gets recruited into it instead, completely defanging the possibility of interrogating the entire bedrock of trauma and insecurity that kept uncomfortably clashing with his expressions of love and humanity in the past. now they're all one big happy gel of a Cool Dude With Gun and Kid. gotta keep the limbo going.

at some point he also has to re-learn his droid prejudices to then re-unlearn them again, a couple of times even, for no discernible thematic reason other than to make him act like an ass to some type of botched working class allegories (??? the fuck is going on with droids this season in general??). gotta keep the limbo going.

grogu, meanwhile, has to re-earn a mandalorian piece of armor to re-reinforce his allegiance (and here I was thinking the rond would be a pulpy setup for some shot-dead-fake-out but how can chekov's anything exist in this mangled mess), cause mandalorian culture is a live service videogame of tiered ranks now, so the potential upgrades are conveniently endless. gotta keep the limbo going. speaking of their culture, he also, hilariously, has to then be re-adopted by din to re-reveal their paternal bond and re-dramatize their love. cause he's not a foundling anymore, see; he's an apprentice now! the words are different. that makes the emotional meaning reset also. I know this from film school. audiences have no object permanence, right? they're all fish? we're writing this show for fucking fish, right? like in the aquariums? gotta keep the limbo going.

and they just keep doing this. they will dress it all up with technicalities and loud Plot Noise but it is all emotionally the same exact shit that has already happened and it is making me feel insane. same exact payoffs for backpedaled setups that were already, for all storytelling purposes, finished and done away with. it is comical. they're telling nothing. non-stories and recursive sisyphean plotlines that reset primitive character arcs every five episodes like it's the most unmoored bermuda triangle-ass time loop in space. you cannot even really twist it into some type of harmless expression in lieu of episodic TV, or even something more campy, cause like. it does have a rapidly progressing plotline about big and overarching stuff, stuff that is holistic, linear, and goal-oriented, like retaking homeworlds and reforging their broken nation and fighting mr gideon man. it's not a weekly detective romp with B plots galore, not anymore at least. but the characters somehow start and end in the same spots they always were. like the big ole smoking fucking gun that that is.

it feels like the most clear-cut example of plot moving forward - at breakneck speed sometimes - while characters progress either backwards or just. like. sideways and then back again?? almost like dropping a teabag into an empty mug and calling it a beverage. I see the pretty taste-making ingredient sitting sadly at the bottom there, but where's the substance? what is this all for? to wank it to how cool mandalorians look when they fly? I mean they can be pretty cool, no argument there. but some of them could be cooler if they felt things deeply and that changed them, fundamentally. you know, how A-to-B storytelling does sometimes.

and I am achingly aware that I am aging out of this show's target audience, I know that. but the death by comparison within the same bloody show's adjacent seasons is just as harrowing. what happened. it just worked too good is what. a corporation responsible for telling a myth will never allow it to finish if it suddenly starts hemorrhaging this much money. grogu and din can't progress, even aesthetically, past their season 1 selves, no matter how much that same season's story was setting them up to. cause inscrutable sad dad and cute doll baby combo. we'll either throw away those story hooks or keep resetting them. keep the limbo going.

groundhog day-ass show. it's hysterical. I can't be normal about how mask-off blatant this all is now.

and to follow this up to andor of all things. really clinches it, you know. no notes. just no notes, disney. tens across the board

[chipthekeeper]

Ranking Velcinta moments by how insane they make me feel, a(n overly) comprehensive list

As promised, here's my way too detailed ranking of all 18-ish of their moments. This (predictably) got obnoxiously long toward the end, so venture under the cut if you actually care and/or don't mind a lot of scrolling.

18. Valley One (Ep. 6)

I'm relatively sane about this. Except when I think about how they probably slept in that little hut the night before. Also when I think about how this is one of the very few shots in which they're both visible and (relatively) in focus.

17. "No farewells tonight." (Ep. 5)

Mostly was insane about this when the episode first came out and I was SO. FUCKING. WORRIED. that they were gonna die in the next one.

16. "What are they doing?" (Ep. 5)

Girlfriends who scowl together stay together (please Tony Gilroy I'm begging you).

15. Feeding the dray (Ep. 5)

The fact that Cinta is smiling here is what makes me most crazy. Also I just adore this flash of simple domesticity with them. Ahh, what could have been....

14. "Have you heard from Cinta?" (Ep. 7)

Vel not being able to look Kleya in the eye when she asks about Cinta makes me crazy mostly for the whole "Vel/Kleya exes" plot but of course this whole part had me jumping out of my seat on first watch.

13. "The rebellion comes first. We take what's left." (Ep. 9)

VEL FINDING STRENGTH IN CINTA'S WORDS AND USING THEM TO HELP MON WITH HER DOUBTS TOO I'M !!!!!

(went all-caps way before I thought I would, maybe this one should be higher....)

12. Into the smoke (Ep. 12)

She looks so worried when Cinta isn't where she's supposed to be and then she sprints INTO the melee while everyone else is running AWAY. I'M NOT FINE!!!!

11. At the campfire (Ep. 4)

I swear to y'all that the first time I watched this episode and saw them sitting so close I was like "oh. hey" fully intending to ship them even if that was literally all we got. And then holy fucking shit we got everything I was too afraid to ask for. So this moment always has a special place in my heart.

10. "What's she doing?" (Ep. 4)

It. Makes. Me. CRAZY. That the first time they share a scene together, they're literally always in the same frame.

CRAZY.

Like....they've been connected from the VERY beginning, even if the show revealed them being together rather slowly. Also it's everything to me that the first time we see Cinta it's Taramyn asking her what Vel is up to bringing a new guy in. Because if anyone would know, it would be her.

9. "Stay focused, Clem." (Ep. 5)

All of the territorial Vel stuff is great to me but I especially love this moment. First of all Cinta's little smirk. And also it's just so....idk it's a quiet moment of contemplation and probably anxiety but we can't not take a second to tell Clem to back off.

I'm combining this with the "you can dress yourself" bit too because that moment just makes me laugh with how Vel's always in the background watching and then immediately jumps up to give Clem the business and use his scuffle with Skeen as an excuse to mark her territory.

8. "Closet?" "Empty." (Ep. 12)

That bit of dialogue made my gay little self so happy and then they went and did the whole "that's blood" "it's not mine" thing and I'll never recover. Vel being so concerned that she won't even let Cinta keep packing, but then at the very end she's a little impressed/turned on??? 10/10 no notes. (okay I have one note and that's "you're really just going to leave me hanging like that for two years?????" but that's a different post)

7. "Get down!" (Ep. 6)

Truly one of my favorite scenes in the whole show is when Vel almost loses her shit at the top of the dam. The tension is insane, her fear is PALPABLE, and I absolutely love that it's Cinta just calling her out for stalling and then yelling at her that breaks her out of it.

But the thing that makes me feel most crazy about this scene is this:

Someone please explain to me WHY Cinta makes the jump while looking directly at Vel. EXPLAIN IT TO ME. Or else I will just continue to believe it's because part of her is scared up there too and looking at Vel is what helps her take the leap. That is a crazy thought -- I'm pretty sure she's fine -- but if it's not that then I don't get why she's even facing that way??

6. This (Ep. 8)

THE MUSIC. THE FADE. THE SORROW. I like literally can't even talk about this one. But it does make me feel a lot how obvious it is that Vel's thoughts are soooooooooo far from the fight here:

While at the same time there's not a thought in Cinta's head about her:

Breaks my fucking heart.

5. "No. She didn't tell me." (Ep. 5)

Whew. This moment. For a while I was mostly happy about this moment because it was just one more piece of evidence that they were together before that was fully confirmed.

But then my headcanon brain took over while I was writing my multichapter fic and it has been fucking me up ever since. Because I'm always going to wonder if all their drama was always going to happen the way it did or if Vel betraying Cinta's trust as a partner was some kind of breaking point.

Is that probably just me? Yes. Does it matter? Not to this ranking.

4. "She's already sharin' a blanket if that's what you're wonderin'." (Ep. 5)

I was!!! I was wonderin'!!!!! And I will forever use this phrase as a euphemism for being a lesbian.

What I would not give........to experience this line and this shot for the first time again. Or at least know what I sounded like giving a joyous shout.

3. "Tell me you'll be alright." (Ep. 6)

This is the one that I would probably sound the most insane trying to talk about out loud. It would be a lot of me like verbally keysmashing and somehow going "!!!!!!" out loud.

The hand-hold that saved my life? The EMOTION in their eyes when they look at each other??? Vel starting to go in for the goodbye kiss right in front of the hostages' salad but then just not????????

Fuck.

FUCK!!!!!!!

2. "Come away from the window." (Ep. 12)

I have to start by talking about Vel's cute little sad grin in this scene when she's like "nice to see you too" and Cinta like glares back at her. That made me feel crazy enough but then this whole scene that I want to say I can't even put into words even though I have in fact already done it.

The desperation on Vel's part is what kills me. Not that she's desperate for attention or love or whatever people always try to pin on her here (and of course it is that to some degree) but that she's desperate to keep Cinta from losing herself. She's so desperate but all she can do is ask. All she can do is hope Cinta will turn around and take a break. And she does.

BUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS AFTER THAT TONY GILROY?!

I have never screamed so loud about a scene just ending.

Whatever, it gave me something to write and I enjoyed doing that.

1. "You love me because I show you what you need to see." (Ep. 8)

And here we are. The scene that has taken up space in my brain more than any other single thing since I saw it. I've been over it so many times. Watching and taking notes, staring at the gifs, studying the screencaps, trying to wrap my head around every little line and gesture and movement and emotion. I've spent hours on it, and I still find myself coming back to think about it and wondering if I've truly understood it all.

Just getting them reunited after Aldhani was such a relief (even though it was jarring at first to just see Cinta and be like "how the fuck did you get here?"). But then the conversation just knocked me on my ass.

"Haven't we been apart long enough?" YES YOU HAVE!!

"We take what's left." NOOOO TAKE IT ALL

"That's cold...even for you." Stabbing me in the face would be less painful.

And then...hearing the words "you love me" from one woman to another woman in a Star Wars show....not a book, not a comic...a show. Truly meant everything to me. I was so fucking happy to hear those words that I couldn't even process how goddamn sad the rest of it was until later. Once I did I had a stomachache for an entire week. I have one again right now.

And then it ends with the most fucking beautiful hand-hold and yet another tiny look that makes me feel crazy in and of itself (which I've done a whole post on by itself), and despite my broken heart I have hope.

If I am ever able to watch this scene and not feel seventeen emotions at once, it's over for me.

Easy number one.

[jedi-valjean]

Seeing some Ahsoka fans poo-pooing on Andor for being "grimdark" and devoid of "everything that makes Star Wars Star Wars" and I just... When people compare Andor to Ahsoka, it's not because Andor is "unlike Star Wars" or "dark." That's definitely not why I like Andor so much.

Look, I LOVE Jedi stuff and aliens and droids and the Force and ALL those things. I'm not tired of them at all. I AM tired of Dave Filoni, of bad writing, and the implication that I can't enjoy a Star Wars concept that isn't packed to the brim with 'memberberries. And honestly, without Kiri Hart on the project, I don't trust Lucasfilm to do the Rebels characters justice. My bar is high BECAUSE I love Jedi and Mandalorians and the Ghost crew.

Honestly, I think complaining about the absence of Jedi in Star Wars media is as unproductive as complaining about their presence. How are they HANDLED? Are they implied to be corrupt and backward, or are they treated as the paragons they're supposed to be? What about their political influence? Are they treated like cops? A church? Both? Neither? How are their values and teachings depicted? How is the Force depicted?

I'd rather have a good Star Wars story without Jedi than a mediocre one with them, and I don't think Dave Filoni really gets the Jedi the way George intended them to be. And a story without Jedi doesn't mean pretending they don't exist. Look at Rogue One. The absence of the Jedi was keenly felt by the other characters, but the light of the Force was strong in them when they leaned on hope, showing that the ideals of the Jedi still meant something, that they hadn't failed, that the darkness could not conquer them even if every last one of them were wiped out (which we already know they weren't!) If Andor's dark, it's only because it begins in a dark time, a time we already know to be dark from other Star Wars media, including Rebels!

I just... Why do we need to sh*t on Andor just because some people like it better? Why do we need to claim it's "not Star Wars" just because there aren't any lightsabers in it (so far?) For heaven's sake, it's not as if Tony Gilroy is pretending the Jedi aren't a thing. Star Wars is HUGE. There's so much room to explore ALL its aspects, and so many WAYS to explore those aspects. You can judge Star Wars media however you like, but for the love of midi-chlorians, be honest about the criteria the people you disagree with are using. People don't love Andor because they hate the Jedi. I certainly don't.

[darlin-djarin]

Sending on anon because I'm kinda tipsy but cassian pre canonization of the show was LITERALLY likened to the young kids in Palestine who looked at the tanks and ALL they understood was that this big ugly thing Hurt their loved ones so they did what any human being would do, which is throw stones at it, and then he got IMPRISONED as a CHILD for that, and let me tell you let tony Gilroy (who is still a little too wyt for my taste tbh) cook for a little while longer because damn if I can't relate to the shot of a 13 year old looking at paramilitary troopers proudly showcasing their guns and attacking them with a stick because what ELSE would you expect a 13(!!!!!) Year old to do???!

no fr bc cassians story resonated so much with me because his whole world got destroyed by colonial imperial powers and he joined the rebellion to stop that and it just hits so hard how similar that is for me as a palestinian, whose entire people are suffering currently because a colonial imperial entity has taken our land and is killing our people and it's just !!! it's so important for me to see something like that on screen yk. it's so important for people to see something like rebellion on screen and realize that they can connect it back to real life situations of injustice and make connections and start asking questions!!! it's so important and that's why andor is so dear to me.

[shu-of-the-wind]

jesus i got a lot of new followers from the joke post about tony gilroy reading f,s. hi y'all. a few things to note (and i'll probably wind up pinning this):

i am plotting out both a sequel to floating, sinking and an interquel (basically a fic between f, s and the sequel). these should start getting posted by the start of next year. the only reason i'm putting it off that long is because a) i haven't watched andor and b) i'm looking for a new job, so fic is on the back burner of late. BUT I DO HAVE IDEAS AND PLOTS AND CONCEPTS TO PLAY WITH so i'm very excited about that.

i will be updating f, s a little bit to reflect the information we've learned about cassian in andor. this won't be massive substantive changes because i intentionally kept cassian's background foggy aside from one or two points, and those points are pretty easily overlaid onto what's going on with andor, but i didn't want anybody to go back to it and freak out thinking it'd been hacked or something.

whatever you fucking do don't think about how much maarva andor would have ADORED jyn.

[jyndor]

As much as I like cassian/rue as a concept and I really love the friendly exes idea, looking at the comparisons between the RO and Andor beach hugs like... desperately clinging to each other as close as bodies can possibly get vs that half-handshake pat-on-the-back? And like I know part of that is likely the disney toxic-masculinity-no-homo brand, but it just makes me so sad, like is this really the level of affection Cassian gets from this point on in his life? Obligatory, unthinking gestures? (until he meets Jyn and they survive and have lots of time to cuddle, obviously, but some folks don't know about that part lol)

in all seriousness I don't actually think rue and cass were ever ever ever considered by the writers to be anything more than friends, they can prove me wrong I'd be down with that but I think we should be clear when talking about this sort of thing that there are like shoulds and ares. should the writers queer up cass? fuck yes. are they going to? lol no.

is that just disney censorship? honestly I doubt it. I think society at large has a much harder time dealing with bisexuality/queerness that isn't binary than it does sexuality that is binary. it comes out differently for women and femmes than it does for men and mascs (let alone people who don't subscribe to any of those genders).

for women and femmes bisexuality and frankly same-gender attraction isn't seen as threatening patriarchy tbh. it's why we get literal gal pal shit from people when it's like, these are two wlw who have been together for decades and have gotten married and are literally fucking in their bed that they own together in their home. it's also why I think society finds it somewhat easier to believe in~~ bisexuality/pansexuality/mspec queer wlw than mlm, although lbr it's still about how the white supremacist patriarchal hegemonic ideal man can access bi wlw and therefore devaluing the wlw-ness of our wlwocity.

whereas mlm are seen as a threat to that patriarchal hegemony, the ideal man or some bullshit, because shock of shocks patriarchy impacts men and mascs negatively as fuck too. men are expected to be hyper ~masculine or whatever the fuck, access women without difficulty while also maintaining stoicism and defeating the (i cannot believe i am saying this mostly unironically) feminine urge to feel thing, to seem gay because that's feminine or whatever lol.

and so bi and mlm who are attracted to more than one gender challenge the very ideal that white supremacist patriarchy is all about. it's why so many women think bi men are automatically gay and just lying about it (well that and individual histories people have with being with men who have been closeted and cheated on them, but that's like not bisexuality that's infidelity).

so the idea that you've got a character who has an extremely important romantic relationship at the end of his life in something written years ago, I'd be shocked if the writers even considered giving cassian a boyfriend just because cassian is attracted to jyn in the film. I'm also sure cassian being a man and the lead means disney might be less cool with him being explicitly queer than say with the wlw side characters, but if we take tony gilroy's word for it, there was never any pushback on them.

as far as cassian not having any real connection until jyn, I'm not sure I agree. his connection with rue (lets make the nickname happen, ive been trying so im happy to see you using it anon) might be platonic but it's canonically important as hell - they are able to read each other well, cassian hears rue in ways melshi isn't used to, and frankly rue picks up on cassian's change in mood even if he doesn't push cass to share with him because cassian isn't ready to share.

it isn't unthinking to me. but like melshi says, they have to spread the message. the rebellion comes first.

I wouldn't be so sure that cassian doesn't have connections with characters, fuck lol kaytoo is coming next season and thats his best friend. but undoubtedly he will become more isolated as he builds a network of recruits and informants who don't know him intimately. and I don't mean sex, I mean deep knowledge of who he is.

but his relationship with jyn has always been fundamental to cassian realizing he doesn't want to go with business as usual, that he doesn't want to assassinate galen (a hope that the rebellion needs to strike against the empire) and that he can fight in the daylight instead of just in the shadows.

but it is tragic that he is so known by so few, and that when he finds someone who he understands and who understands him so well, he fucking gets vaporized lol.

lmao the death star is biphobic for killing him and jyn and making me cry every time I watch rogue one

[loveoaths]

writing log: 2021 + 2022

a recent conversation with a good friend made me realize: holy shit, i struggle to acknowledge my accomplishments, especially the creative ones. so i decided to start doing a yearly writing recap to log what work i've done, contextualize the environment i did that work in, and take a moment to just sit back and appreciate how i spent my year. this is the first time i'm doing this, so i'll be combining 2021 and 2022.

in 2021, i...

...got headfucked by illness, but kept writing.

this is not one of those "inspirational disability" things. long covid is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, physically and mentally, and that's saying something. i spent a solid two months not being able to walk, let alone think, and it took three more months for me to be able to read for longer than a few minutes at a time. at one point, my sixty-something year old mother had to hold me up so i could walk a lap around the block that i had been running months prior, and it was a super dark time. i am proud of myself for fighting for my health, advocating for humane treatment, and re-learning how to find solace and comfort and reprieve in reading and writing. i was recuperating in bed most of 2021 (when i wasn't struggling to keep my job lol) so i had a lot of time to come up with project ideas but zero stamina to finish them. i'm still not recovered, and have new chronic illnesses out the wazoo now, but i'm in a much better place these days.

...worked on 21 scripts.

includes new and old projects. my brain was scattered, but i tried.

...developed 12 new project premises.

some are good, others are dogshit. but who cares!

...finished 5 scripts.

three half-hour scripts, and two elevens. combined, that's almost two episodes of prestige television. i'm coming for your ass, tony gilroy!!!

...read 25 books.

comic books, ya novels, non-fiction, autobiographies, picture books; you name it, i read it. most of what i read went in one ear and out the other because of the covid brain damage, but i remember how soothing the act of reading a book while curled up with hot tea under a warm blanket was to my aching brain and body, and i'm glad i tried my best to read even if i knew i could barely understand. a third of this list is picture books and/or middle grade books and graphic novels because that's all i could handle at the beginning of the year. and you know what i found? a lot of those kids books are great, and heart-warming, and delightfully more nuanced than i had ever dreamed. the kids are gonna be alright.

...took 6 writing classes.

i'm glad i did this, but looking back on it this was kind of stupid. my brain was burdened by illness and my response was to... burden it more? for fun??? insane behavior. i highly recommend every course i took (chris amick's pilot development, multiple classes at writing pad, rad sechrist's project tv writing class, patricia villanuvella's 11-minute episode format class, and more) but i do not recommend taking them while your head is fucked. if anyone is interested in learning more about these courses, let me know!

...took on my first pitch project.

i was hired to help write and pitch a kids show, and learned a lot about the pitching process. mostly i learned that an upbeat attitude and a corny joke or two will go a long way. also, that the tv industry is an ouroboric cesspool constantly feeding on its own shit, but i digress.

...developed my first original show pitch.

it's uglier than sin but i love it. developing the pitch actually made me realize the concept is better as a novel series than a show, but i appreciate how much that process taught me about exploring format, structure, and the art of pitching.

...landed my first staff writing gig.

this was my proudest moment. in between numerous ER visits, doctor's appointments, health scares, housing issues, and more, i broke into the industry i love.

in 2022, i...

...was still pretty fucking sick, but doing better.

title says it all. despite losing my emotional support animal to leukemia, i hung in there. feels good.

...took on three writing mentees.

this is still the most shocking thing i did last year. i became a mentor to three fellow brown folks and i love them all dearly. i don't know if i'm a stellar mentor or anything, but i would do just about anything to help them reach their writing goals. i always thought i hated teaching, but it turns out i really enjoy working one-on-one with people as a guide rather than an instructor. my goal is to help all of my mentees break into their respective industries in the next two years.

...took three writing classes.

at this point i'm mostly taking these to meet people and learn new tips and tricks, but i still found them highly rewarding. plus, i realized i work best when i know someone expects to read what i've written the following week. nothing makes you keep a writing deadline like the pain of disappointing a peer! :D

...wrote 63,207 words for work.

i worked two staff writer gigs and seven freelance or contract gigs, and wrote more in a year than i ever have, ever. i know this number isn't high to prose writers, but a 25 page script is around 4,800 to 5,000 words. that's a lot of pages.

in total, i wrote around 22 scripts for work last year.

...wrote 50,018 words for original projects.

i only finished three scripts, and most definitely did not hit my goal of finishing my feature script, but i still finished. all three projects were complex, adult-oriented, and of personal significance to me, and it felt really good to finally finish them. i don't love all of them, honestly, but one of them got me my current manager and generated some buzz around my name that kept me employed, so i'm incredibly appreciative of the work i put into them, and the work they've given me in return.

...read 50 books.

this is my crowning achievement of 2022! i used to be an avid reader and then stopped out of nowhere for several years, but last year i fell back in love with reading, big time. i am proud to say that after a year of re-cultivating my reading comprehension and attention span, i can once again knock out a 300 page book in a day (with some assistance from my good ol' friend, hyperfixation). coaxing myself to just read five pages a day really helped me with some of the executive function issues of not wanting to pick up a book. if you're struggling with reading habits, i really recommend lowering your bar to entry. read for a minute, or read one page, or even just one paragraph. eventually the habit will reform and you'll be back to reading longer.

...wrote 51 loglines.

i struggled to come up with new, creative ideas in 2021, so this jump from 12 to 51 was startling, but highly satisfying. once i stopped worrying about whether the ideas were good, i was able to do more with the freeness that comes with happily being shit at something. and you know what? once i got the shit ideas out, i found a couple of really good ones at the bottom of the barrel.

...had a pretty alright year.

shit still went sideways, i was overworked and exhausted, and my personal life imploded, but looking back on it, i had a lot to be grateful for, and a lot of love and support in my corner, and i'm going to try to be mindful and thankful for the aforementioned as i push myself a teensy bit further in 2023.

...have a few goals for 2023.

they are:

work less, read more

write more indulgent stuff (gay porn, fic, all the nasty dark shit i like)

eat more veggies

do some fucking wrist exercises and get a desk pedaler because holy shit my joints are aging like MILK

thanks for reading.

[cal-kestis]

Luthen must be a Jedi 🤔

👀👀👀 I read something about this after his speech in last week's episode and how it was like Jedi brand™-jaded. but initially, I was like nah it can't be because tony gilroy has consistently said how he wanted to keep andor grounded and like separate from some of the more fantastical elements of star wars. like, i read a quote that said "it's a political-spy thriller that just happens to be set in the Star Wars universe." so I was like... he can't be an ex-jedi... right?

but then he had that speech!!! and then he had the thing that looked like a wooden lightsaber hilt!!! (like the elemental nature ones you can build at disney or gungi's lightsaber in tcw!!) and then he piloted his ship with anakin-level precision and ease and destruction!!!!!

so i'm like. so confused LMAO. if he is an ex-jedi, maybe he'll only allude to it passively. and, to keep the show grounded, maybe he won't tap into the force (i've read a theory that said he may have cut himself off from the force — similar to cere junda in JFO) and won't use the saber. also tbh i'm kind of confused why he would have brought the alleged saber anyway??? like as an ex-jedi, that would just expose him?? but maybe he's obvi-wan kenobi lmao. he's also a collector 🤔 so maybe it was just a piece he had in his shop that he brought to throw ppl off or defend himself??

anyway, idk lskdjflskdj but i'm so excited for the finale next week!! WE WILL BE CRYING IN THIS HOUSE 😭

[alethiometry]

5, 11, 19 for the end of year asks!

5. TV show of the year?

oh my god without question it has to be andor. i only just finished it last night, and it's not even recency bias; it's the best show i've seen this year by a long shot. the best way i can describe how i feel about it is that ever since black sails ended in 2017 i've been looking for a show that scratches that same itch and i have finally found it. i really think the ghost of james flint has possessed tony gilroy because andor is literally the closest thing to s3-4 of black sails in theme and in spirit that i have ever seen.

and i'm not even a huge star wars fan, i like the movies just fine but that's where my interest, historically, stops. i've never watched any other star wars show or played any of their games. but andor was clearly created with so much love and care and nuance and restraint and internal consistency and faith in its audience! it is the antithesis of the atrocity that was rise of skywalker lmfao

11. Something you want to do again next year?

i want to travel abroad again (pandemic safety permitting ofc)! i'm thinking mexico, the mediterranean, or iceland? 👀

19. What’re you excited about for next year?

answered here!

end of year asks

[generic-fandom-name]

Latest episode of andor was better than the last few.

It still feels a little too much like I am watching a WWII espionage than an actual star wars rebels thing. But the plot itself was interesting and the tension that was built. I'm still super surprised there is not a single stormtrooper on this base considering they are the foot soldiers. To me the men in the imperial uniforms were the officers. But nice to finally see a glimpse tie fighters again.

Surprised there has been a single mention of the emperor over the course of the episodes. ..

The imperials are still the most interesting aspect of the show with how they have been written and portrayed, I am more invested in the happenings of the empire than the rebels.

Shame about the Deaths, but oh well i personally did not get invested in the characters. I was kinda hoping that they would have killed the mother or child to really show the blurred lines trying to gain freedom.

Its still weird they have almost rewritten cassian from the film. He has said he had been in the fight since he was a child. Which could suggest he was generally fighting to the imperial state, but his reluctantance to remain part of the movement is off. But I am interested to see how the lure him back into the fight.

Overall, I'm finding Andor okay. I was super hopeful and excited but it is very clear Tony gilroy really did just stop people from going at it from a star wars point....but like you need to have some of that universe existing XD right now it feels generic sci-fi. And when I watch it with my star wars hat off and separate the cassian from the show from the film it is somewhat more enjoyable.

But we've only seen 1 droid, a handful of alien's. The clothing is nice but for me not very in universe. It feels more like we are looking at earth in the future rather than a different galaxy all together.

I was also really hoping the native planet would be an alien species but I was no surprised to see a gathering of humans.

[shonificrec]

Fics of the Week

This week we have a group of FANTASTIC Ranch/Farm AUs. They're all so different and 100% worth reading.

meet me in the dream of this hard land by girlbossgretchen (@womenlovingwonderwoman)

(22,868 words, 6/? chapters, Teen & Up)

Disclaimer, I'm a beta reader for this fic but that doesn't minimize how GREAT it is. There are some interesting relationships between characters in this one that I haven't seen in other fics that I'm obsessed with. It has some ~mysterious~ elements going on and I can't wait to see what happens. Also, Toni is SO clueless and I love it.

"To: goodkindshelby@gmail.com From: DAndrews@DennisAndrewsandAssociates.com Re: The Will

Dear Ms. Goodkind,

Thank you for reaching out and I apologize for not responding sooner. Mr. Gilroy had quite a bit of property and we’re still working on sorting through his assets and ensuring that the updates he made to his will in January are followed accordingly.

As such, I regret to inform you that you are no longer listed as one of the inheritors. The ranch is being turned over to someone else and I’m afraid I cannot disclose identities. If you have any further questions please do not hesitate to contact me. I am at your disposal. All my sympathies in this time of tragedy.

Best, Dennis Andrews Esq. Dennis Andrews and Associates

or: i finally wrote a ranch au"

I Bet the Angel's Jealous of a Girl I Know by WritersBlock_MyOldFriend

(37,036 words, 6/12 chapters, Mature)

In this AU, Toni starts working for the farm that Shelby's family runs and most of the group works for them too. It has such good tension and once again, a very oblivious Toni.

"Toni never had much in her life. She could count the people that loved her on one hand. She could carry everything she owned in a beat-up duffle bag, a faded number three reminding her what her life could have been. So, no, Toni didn't have much in her life except for pain and anger and regret. But when her losses start to catch up with her, a surprising opportunity presents itself. An opportunity that Toni doesn't want. An opportunity that could change her life, and maybe, just maybe, add to the short list of people who loved her."

you don't look happy (but you do look good) by mdizzee

(24,010 words, 9/24 chapters, Mature)

This one hasn't been updated in almost two months, so get invested at your own risk. But even with that, this story is so worth reading. It has a bit of mystery surrounding what the girls are doing at the ranch and I can't wait to find out more. 👀

"Toni just wants a peaceful summer away from the messiness of Minnesota, and Shelby just needs something (someone) to fill the silence of the lonely Texas ranch.

It's about ignoring your problems, a very odd approach to therapy, embroidered cowboy hats, and doing whatever you can to keep your head above water.

(And everyone swears they're completely fine. Really.)"

[chipthekeeper]

Do you consider Velcinta to be “doomed by the narrative”? I saw a post saying this (and also comparing them to a m/f ship from the show that’s just… bad lmao) and I was so confused because I don’t see why it could be doomed?

I did say this the other day, mostly because I'm trying very hard to prepare myself for the worst possible outcome. But realistically, yeah it's totally possible. I mean they're starting a war, Cinta doesn't seem to give a fuck whether she lives or dies, and Vel is fridge bait for at least two characters :/

People keep saying to me "but writers know not to bury their gays by now, right?" and to that I say "I do not trust Tony Gilroy that much." I definitely don't think he looks at it that way; he'd just do whatever was going to serve the story best (which is obviously highly subjective but...)

So basically yeah, I could totally see either or both of them dying and I'm trying to prepare for ignoring that. Now if you're asking whether their relationship is doomed by the narrative, that's a different question entirely and if you'd rather I answer that please let me know, I'd be glad to examine it.

[hellosaltysaladcollectionstuff]

Back to Sundance we go for another year of discovery. What's on the line-up this year? Out of the 110+ films showing at the 2019 Sundance Film Festival, I've chosen 10 that I'm looking forward to seeing the most. To keep things well balanced, I've chosen 5 feature films and 5 documentaries from the line-up. There are so many films playing at the fest, and so many I'll end up seeing (30+), that this is a quick list to get everyone acquainted with some of the work premiering in 2019 (I just want to go see everything). There are new films from filmmakers like Ritesh Batra and Lulu Wang, and incredible documentaries that are also worthy of our attention, plus many other films. You never really know what will good or bad, but here's my first few picks.

This is my 13th year in a row returning to Sundance, starting back in 2007. I'm so excited to be attending Sundance once again, and can't wait to dive into the films more than anything. There's so many I am curious to watch from this year's line-up. For now, here's my Top 10 most anticipated films before the fest begins.

Alex's Most Anticipated \Sundance 2019/ Feature Films:

Hala Directed by Minhal Baig

I've been following filmmaker Minhal Baig (mostly on Twitter @minhalbaig) for a while now, and she is ready to finally break out big and show everyone how talented she really is. Hala is her second feature film following her debut 1 Night, and it's much more personal this time. The story is about a Muslim teenager named Hala - played by Geraldine Viswanathan - who lives in Chicago with her immigrant parents from Pakistan. There she copes with the unraveling of her family as she comes into her own. It's a coming-of-age story but told from an entirely different angle that we rarely see, as Sundance explains that Baig "brings a vital and layered female perspective to the coming-of-age genre." They add that she "crafts a character and story with immense relatability and unexpected consequence." I've been looking forward to seeing this ever since I first heard about it, and I'm excited that it's finally ready to premiere at Sundance. Congrats, Minhal.

Photograph Directed by Ritesh Batra

Back in 2013, I fell in love with a little film called The Lunchbox, starring Irrfan Khan and Nimrat Kaur. After making two other English-language films, Our Souls at Night and The Sense of an Ending (both from 2017), filmmaker Ritesh Batra returns to his roots and his hometown in India with Photograph. Set in Mumbai, the film is about a struggling street photographer, pressured to marry by his grandmother, who convinces a shy stranger to pose as his fiancée. The pair develops a connection that transforms them in ways that they could not expect. As a photographer myself, I'm already intrigued. But I've also got a good feeling this might be a magical, lovely new film from Ritesh Batra and I'm looking forward to seeing where he takes us. If it's anywhere close to as sweet and as honest as The Lunchbox was, it will be another instant favorite.

Little Monsters Directed by Abe Forsythe

There's always one or two films in the Midnight section that I have to see, just because they sound so crazy and fun. Little Monsters is exactly one of those that I'm going to stay up late to watch. Described as a "film dedicated to all the kindergarten teachers who motivate children to learn, instill them with confidence, and stop them from being devoured by zombies." The massively talented Lupita Nyong'o stars as that teacher, taking on an extra bloody role that will hopefully allow her to show off more of her badass side. Plus there's always room for more zombies movies, right? Why not, they're always entertaining. "Armed only with the resourcefulness of kindergartners, [they] must work together to keep the monsters at bay and carve a way out with their guts intact." I'm fairly certain this will be a good one, especially with the late night audience.

I Am Mother Directed by Grant Sputore

One of the few sci-fi films playing at Sundance, which means I have to see it no matter what. But it also looks and sounds compelling. I Am Mother features a robot designed by Weta Workshop in New Zealand, and marks the directorial debut of an award-winning commercials director from Australia named Grant Sputore. And yes, the story seems quite promising. A teenage girl is raised underground by a kindly robot "Mother" - designed to repopulate the earth following the extinction of humankind. But their unique bond is threatened when an inexplicable stranger arrives with alarming news. This reminds me a bit of Moon (which premiered at Sundance 2009) mashed up with other sci-fi concepts. The robot's design is familiar but sleek, and the handful of images they've released so far all look better than expected. Don't let me down, Sputore.

Velvet Buzzsaw Directed by Dan Gilroy

So, this looks awesome! And totally insane! And weird, and captivating, and funny, and twisted, and sly, and wicked, and frightening. Velvet Buzzsaw is the latest film written & directed by Dan Gilroy, a screenwriter who turned director (or perhaps became a true auteur) making his debut with Nightcrawler in 2014, and following that up with Roman J. Israel, Esq. in 2017. This time he attacks the art world, with a film that seems to be about pieces of art coming to life and killing people. Something like that. The cast also is quite impressive: Jake Gyllenhaal, John Malkovich, Toni Collette, Rene Russo, Daveed Diggs. And this looks like the perfect follow-up to Ruben Östlund's Palme d'Or winning film The Square, with both films mocking and lambasting the absurdity of the modern art world. I'm so there. Watch the official trailer here.

More Feature Films I'm Looking Forward To Seeing: Lulu Wang's The Farewell, Rashid Johnson's Native Son, Paul Downs Colaizzo's Brittany Runs A Marathon, Nisha Ganatra's Late Night, David Wnendt's The Sunlit Night, Makoto Nagahisa's funky We Are Little Zombies, Noble Jones' The Tomorrow Man, Bert&Bertie's Troop Zero, JD Dillard's Sweetheart, Patrick Brice's Corporate Animals, Tayarisha Poe's Selah and the Spades, Daniel Scheinert's The Death of Dick Long, and May el-Toukhy's Queen of Hearts.

Alex's Most Anticipated \Sundance 2019/ Documentaries:

Memory: The Origins of Alien Directed by Alexandre O. Philippe

A documentary about the making of Ridley Scott's original Alien! Say no more, I'm already there, I wouldn't miss this for anything. This is the latest doc film made by Swiss filmmaker Alexandre O. Philippe, who has been making docs about cinema and filmmaking for a while - including The People vs. George Lucas, and 78/52: Hitchcock's Shower Scene just before. I'm curious how much this will cover and how much it will uncover. It seems to focus more on how they came up with the original ideas and designs for the film, less so the filming or release. "Philippe's real interest lies in the deep resonance of myths and our collective unconscious. The strange symbiotic collaboration between Alien creators [Dan] O'Bannon, Scott, and H.R. Giger suggests a greater synchronicity across history, art, and storytelling, a synchronicity that gives us the Furies, creatures of Renaissance painting, and even chest-bursting aliens." Sounds damn good, right?

Moonlight Sonata: Deafness in Three Movements Directed by Irene Taylor Brodsky

Another documentary that sounds exceptionally unique. The short Sundance description grabbed me right away: "A deeply personal portrait of three lives, and the discoveries that lie beyond loss: a deaf boy growing up, his deaf grandfather growing old, and Beethoven the year he was blindsided by deafness and wrote his iconic sonata." It's a multi-generational portrait of people dealing with deafness, capturing the complexity of silence and hearing. And I am more than intrigued to find out how filmmaker Irene Taylor Brodsky (of Hear and Now previously) examines these themes and weaves these three stories together. Sundance talks it up even more in their description of the film: "Brodsky explores the meaning of deafness, loss, and the power of silence as her son discovers his unique voice and her parents confront a new chapter of their lives," adding that it's "buoyed by a perceptive soundscape and luminous animation." I really want to see this doc.

Midnight Traveler Directed by Hassan Fazili

There's always a remarkable doc discovery, or two, hidden in the Sundance line-up telling an unforgettable story from somewhere else around the world. Read about this film and you'll instantly get a feeling that it's going to be something special. Midnight Traveler is a documentary made by a filmmaker from Afghanistan, Hassan Fazili, who flees his home country and takes us on a perilous journey with his wife and two young daughters as they travel as refugees across Europe searching for a new home. It seems to be a very personal, inside look at the life of a family just trying to surviving on the run from certain death. "Chronicling every step from inside the action", Fazili's camera captures "not only the danger and desperation but also the exuberance and tenderness of this irresistible, loving family." Just look at that shot of them all in the snow above! They seem so loving, wonderful, and authentic. I want to see this just to meet and learn about them.

Apollo 11 Directed by Todd Douglas Miller

I'm a space nerd. I'm a big time fan of NASA. I'm surprised we haven't seen a documentary like this before, but I guess In the Shadow of the Moon is close (focusing on all of the Apollo missions). And I loved Damien Chazelle's First Man, which is also about Apollo 11, so I'm totally ready for this next. The documentary is purported to be an exhilarating cinematic experience, something that demands to be seen on the big screen. NASA has been digging out old footage and photographs and other artifacts from the vaults, putting all of the original footage from the Apollo 11 mission online + uncut audio recordings and more. Produced by CNN Films and Statement Pictures, this film "features never-before-seen, large-format film footage of one of humanity's greatest accomplishments." Oh yes. Can't wait to experience this. Watch the teaser trailer here.

Hail Satan? Directed by Penny Lane

A documentary about the rise of the Satanic Temple religious movement? I'm certainly curious. And it's the latest doc film made by Penny Lane - a quietly talented, quirky, fun filmmaker behind other fantastically weird documentaries like Our Nixon, The Pain of Others, and Nuts! (about a guy who sold people a goat-testicle impotence cure - it premiered at Sundance 2016). I don't know how deep this is going to go, but I am intrigued to find out. Sundance references this eye-brow-raising part of the Satanic Temple's history in their description: "Through their dogged campaign to place a nine-foot, bronze Satanic monument smack dab next to the statue of the Ten Commandments on the Arkansas State Capitol lawn, the leaders of the temple force us to consider the true meaning of the separation of church and state." Sounds like something I have to see for myself, at the very least because no one else is making films about this fascinating topic anyway.

More Documentaries I'm Looking Forward To Seeing: Kenneth Paul Rosenberg's Bedlam, Steven Bognar & Julia Reichert's American Factory, Ben Berman's Amazing Johnathan Documentary, Ljubomir Stefanov & Tamara Kotevska's Honeyland, Petra Costa's Edge of Democracy, Garret Price's Love Antosha, Hepi Mita's Merata: How Mum Decolonised The Screen, Karim Amer & Jehane Noujaim's The Great Hack, Ursula Macfarlane's Untouchable, and Alex Gibney's latest The Inventor: Out for Blood in Silicon Valley.

For all of Alex's Sundance 2019 reviews and updates: Follow @firstshowing

For more Sundance 2019 previews around the web, highlighting early picks and potential breakouts, see: The Film Stage's 20 Most-Anticipated Premieres, and Indiewire's 21 Must-See Films At This Year's Festival. You never know what might be a big hit, and it's vital to have a pulse on the buzz – even before the festival starts. There's plenty of exciting and hopefully superb gems hidden in the 2019 line-up, bring on the films.

You can follow our Sundance 2019 coverage and updates in this category. The festival kicks off January 24th and runs until February 3rd, with lots of films to see every day. Let's jump right in and start watching.

from FirstShowing.net http://bit.ly/2FGN8w1

[generic-fandom-name]

I've got bit of an unpopular opinion. Is that for me, Andor isn't too great nor does it feel very star wars. It feels more "generic dystopian" "generic sci-fi." Than what I experienced watching mandalorian for the first time or watching A new hope (which was only a few months ago. I'm very new to star wars so I don't have a leg to stand on but when you gotta vent you gotta vent)

For me it's all a little too close to our reality rather. A friend and me say it is not Janky enough. An obvious example of what I'm try to say is the decor for the imperial building. It's all white whereas in star wars the imperials (to me) is black, industrial, concrete. Almost brutalism. And here it is white and bright, clinical.

I'm just finding the whole thing, almost lazy. I recently read an article from Tony gilroy where he told his team to put aside their star wars thoughts. Not think about this as star wars. I understand where he was attempting to come from but then we are left with this show that just looks like they slapped on star wars as a title.

The concept and story they are trying to tell is one I am desperate to know about in this universe. How the oppressed band together. The intricacies of the fascist state that rules over. But I am finding it boring. The only parts I am engaged in is to do with what the empire is up to (and hopefully as the story progresses Mon Mothma). I feel I have lost the connection I had to cassian.

Also they are being lazy with props I find! The Polaroid camera was barely changed, that guy is using a notebook! Which isn't common in universe. The clothing remind me of H&M dystopia range from like 2015...

I cant even picture what other characters are off doing while I watch this.

Okay that's me done venting~