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#too bad I'm exhausted all the time lol
spaceacecreates · 3 months
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Into the Hollow
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Hey, everyone! I haven't really addressed that I have a Patreon. I work full-time in the medical field, and I really hope to cut back on those hours by getting support through Patreon. I would use that support to work on a TTRPG I'm writing, make art, and make physical art for the game like dice! If you're so inclined, you can pop over here to see the free posts or support for as low as $1.
This is one of the free post images. Image description is in the alt text.
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scooplery · 6 months
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i'm tired of being depressed :(
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biromanticbookbabe · 1 year
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Wow. Sometimes I'm very lucky and my bipolar doesn't always affect me much. But no such luck lately. I'm worried that I might have to retake my modern lit course because I was so late with many of my assignments. I've been mentally messed up more or less with a mixed mood episode since last September. I'm currently on the line of passing and not passing the class (granted there are a few ungraded assignments, including my final so it's still possible that I'm overreacting). I'm usually a good student too so it's a point of pride for me. I went from the honor roll to this all due to me fighting with an illness... :/ (It is my fault for not managing things better so I'm not looking for pity here- just talking).
I cannot imagine how horrible this disorder is for people who didn't have the option of medication (I am medicated, believe it or not). I think about that about that a lot since I study history and look into many writer's and artist's biographies in my spare time. I feel very bad for them since they basically had to live with this disorder without the fixes I have simply because I was born late enough for treatments to exist.
Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath both haunt me. Other people too. Yes, Lord Byron was extremely shocking but consider- we don't actually know what he would have been like if he could have been treated. He wouldn't have died at 36, I'm almost certain of that. I am highly aware of what this disorder has done to people before me. It doesn't make it better. But I keep looking back any way, to see that many of them did incredible things, in spite of it all.
I just keep thinking that if they could do so much without any treatment- that I should be able to function with treatment??? I know: don't compare yourself to other people but I'm desperate to know that I can be successful even with this illness. That it's not going to force me to leave school (the one thing I have been historically good at) and waste my life toiling away for nothing.
So if it seems as if I have been hitting my head against something lately, you aren't wrong. The fall is not generally my friend, pretty as the leaves are. I have not been having a good time of it but we must go on any way because what other option is there? None, I tell you.
#leaves pretty brain shitty has been my fall for the last few years since 2018 at least...#consistently fall has been bad for my cycle though I like that time of year normally#granted a lot of things kept happening every fall since 2018 too#bipolar disorder#actually bipolar#I probably am a closet perfectionist in some cases#I am exhausted thanks for asking!#and yes for a few semesters I was an honor roll student in my grad school- not any more though LOL#seriously I'm going into debt for this degree and uh that promise to waive our debt never came to light so I'm very fucked rn#I have to finish this degree so I can work off my debt and build a good reputation for myself#I'm honestly afraid my illness might take away my ability to have a career at all; I'm desperate for a living wage!#it's not good#but this could be anxiety talking tbh#for real I'm amazed that like Virginia Woolf and others were able to do as much as they did in their lives#because without my medication I'd probably be useless??? Mania is not fun 10/10 would NOT suggest#I actually pity Lord Byron after reading his biography; he just seems like if mania was a person and um it explains his behavior completely#do you ever look back at other peoples' lives and see pieces of yourself in them and then feel really bad for them? cuz I do all the time#mychatter#I'm stubborn in that I refuse to quit school since I am aware that my family needs to know I can do this#please don't take this personally this is my problem and a pointless rant probably
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stressfulsloth · 8 months
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Augh man I am experiencing the agonies. I hate when a flare up gets bad enough that my hands start cramping up 😭 two days off and then I'm back to work again for another four open-closes in a row and I am getting STRESSED just thinking about it...
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illdothehotvoice · 10 months
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Ouugh I can't believe I have to go to school in two weeks there were so many things I wanted to accomplish over break and I just didn't lol
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coollyinterferes · 1 year
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“What do y’mean it’s 2023 already!?”
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eggmeralda · 1 year
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can you get burnout from doing nothing
#or am i going through a mental breakdown. based on the symptoms matching whatever the past week has had going on#unless it was caused by trying to socialise online#which i am so bad at and i guess seeing other people easily be all friends with each other kind of made my brain go 😨😱😖🤯#<- along with various other surrounding emojis#i'm stuck at uni rn bc my band has 2 gigs coming up + rehearsals so i have to be here. but there is nothing to do except Think#but yeah there was the alienated fandom feeling bc idk it always feels like everyone speaks to each other in dms and has all this like#lore with each other and i have no idea what's going on#and trying to actually interact is soooooooo exhausting and i always feel like i'm too slow or behind everyone else and yeah#and then camp weehawken began and i couldn't even deal with seeing everyone doing that and all knowing each other really well and idk#so i just left tumblr briefly. bc of everything. bc i'm irrational#basically the worst feeling is when you have friends in a fandom but then your hyperfixation starts to wear off and turns out they weren't#close friends they were fandom mutuals. btw this isn't about anyone in particular this has happened for most fandoms i've been in#it was more of a sudden realisation that's been creeping up on me for years. so to deal with the fading hyperfixation i just had to Go#and now i'm obsessed with threads. which has like no fandom. so at least the hyperfixation fadeout will be easier to deal with lol#but yeah it's that sort of feeling when you finish at some place and you make some friends but once you leave you never talk to them again#and knowing you didn't really leave a strong enough impact on them that they still wanna keep in contact with you#pretty much like that#at the same time though there's nothing to do atm so maybe i am just bored and overthinking#but still it's annoying to go through especially when it's happened for almost every experience in my life#also like I'd occasionally log back into tumblr to see what's going on but i'd see people liking posts on the swag archive and it's like#cool at least people like the archives :') but anyone could've done those#idk it's like i have to do something like that for people to actually care and as soon as i'm not contributing anything then i'm just#forgettable or something#i wanna come back to tumblr but idk if my brain is ready for that dsjkljf. i told myself i'd only come back when things feel stable#but also i'm impatient lol#again this isn't about anyone specific my brain just LOVES to malfunction it's actually its favourite pasttime <3#but either way if i seem really negative lately or just. weird. it's just my brain being its classic overdramatic self#i mean the thoughts are very real and based on vaguely true evidence but also my brain loves to exaggerate things to sabotage my life#i'm hitting tag limit so anyway. at least threads isn't happening rn so that's pretty good#ramble
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wanderingandfound · 1 year
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What they don't tell you about running up that hill to make a deal with God is that your calves are going to mutiny the next day.
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yrieso · 6 months
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ugh i really wish i had gotten my offer for my full time job like. a DAY before i did bc i'm overworking myself between my two jobs now but like......i can't quit either one :/ and i got the offer for my full time one the day i started my part time one so. timing is everything i guess
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wizardtiger · 10 months
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I kind of wish warrior cats ended after arc 1 and it was remembered as a classic children's series that got cut short and had a small but nicely filtered fandom in the year 2023. I would miss very specifically Leafpool and Squirrelflight and the dozens of amazing MAPs based on the later arcs but at this rate I think we need to just stop
#warriors has never been fantastic but i think the first arc has a charm to it that's missing in the later series#i think the series has suffered greatly from focusing on this very linear progression of the cats' lives#cats feel like they live way too long and get born way too often and honestly it just gets exhausting to track it all#the incest problem and the flanderization problem and the firebaby nepotism could all be done away with#if you timeskipped years between the series#wc needs to either stop existing or it needs to do a soft reboot at some point#most of the books in the series are kind of bad and it might be more bearable if they didn't all impact each other lol#dotc sucked ass and it was important but most things beyond the founding of the clans and like 1 mention of shattered ice in#tallstar's revenge it wasnt that essential to have read. the most damning thing from that era was mothflight and her stupid rule#i would like warriors 1000 times more if i could just kind of ignore arcs that are shitty#i think warriors is at its best when it releases things barely connected to the rest of the series because the authors#are clearly not doing amazing at progressing the society of the clans#it feels pointless when we know medcats are never gonna have agency starclans never gonna be good clans will always be blindly conservative#so why not stop pretending to be a story about change and instead just have fun with new protagonists. go crazy go stupid#write some books about the mythological tiger/lion/leopardclans#anyways tldr: i hate warrior cats but i'm obsessed with it so i wish it stopped pretending to be good as a continuous story
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rillian4e · 8 months
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Riding genshin men, how will they react?
Ft & Neuvillette, Scaramouche, Alhaitham, Lyney, Albedo
Cw: Riding, praise, overall soft, fluffy and short. Might have grammar mistakes, just ignore lol, wrote this in a hurry so might be a mess.
Neuvillette: All pretty, sitting on top of him in his office, raising your hips before slamming them right back down, one of Neuvillette's hands around your waist, helping you ride him, "Mmhpf- I'm coming, I'm... C-Cumming!" You cried out sensitive as you released all over on his cock, you let out a load moan, tightening up around him as you felt him grind you down onto him, not allowing you to calm down as he chased his own orgasm. "I'm sorry, my dear but I need to be quick, the trial is starting soon. Just hold on to me and be quiet." He lowered his head, pressing a kiss on your temple. After your short meeting with Neuvillette, his clothes were...rather messed up and his hair slightly disheveled which the people of Fontaine found strange, it left them what could be the reason?
Scaramouche: This guy would rarely allow you to be on top due to his pride, but this was one of the very rare occasions where he was simply too tired and feeling vulnerable which you of course used to your advantage. Bouncing up and down his cock, the sight was worth it he thought, maybe it wasn't too bad after all?, his hands gripping your hips tightly as his lips find their way into your mouth, biting on your bottom lip to draw blood. "Hah... Turns out, you aren't completely useless." he'd mutter, smirking as he bit on your neck. He wouldn't mind having you ride him more in the future, after all, seeing you bounce up and down, trying so hard to make the both of you finish, was quite adorable...
Alhaitham: After seeing you beg for attention, he had to give in, placing you on his lap, originally only to cockwarm him as he worked but that soon ended up into him slamming your hips against his, lewd sounds filling the room. "Y-Yes, keep going, pretty girl... I can feel you squeezing me, are you close, hm?" He asked, placing a kiss on your cheek, he certainly didn't mind you distracting him, all he wanted was to fill you up and have you ride him like the good girl you are.
Lyney: He enjoyed nothing more than having you ride his cock after a tiring day of acting and making others smile, it was his job, yes, but it sometimes got exhausting and what better way to relax than have you on his cock, all pretty and eager to please him? "Mm, you're doing so good, ma cherie... It feels heavenly." He murmured, drunk on the feeling of your pussy wrapping around his shaft so perfectly, his head buried in the crook of your neck, soft moans and occasional mewls slipping past his lips.
Albedo: He rarely had time, all consumed with his research and experiments but that wouldn't prevent him from making time for his angel. Having you on his lap, either cockwarming or riding him was a regular thing of you two which you both enjoyed, this was no exception. "Are you alright, my love? Getting tired already, hmm? In that case, I'll offer you some assistance since you have been a good girl up till now..." He remarked, smiling lovingly as he pressed a soft kiss on your lips, his focus now shifting on to you instead of his work. Helping you ride him faster, the sweet praises which left his mouth making you cum on the spot, earning an impressed chuckle from Albedo, he would surely note this later, "There you go, angel. Now, be good and rest while I finish this, alright?" He patted your hair, pulling you to rest your head against his chest.
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colourmeastonished · 1 year
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Delighted to announce that I can single-handedly disprove the efficacy of the resilience narrative because after 10 years of hospitality, 7 years of bar work and 25 years of being a woman on this forsaken earth, I got sexually harassed at work last week and now my fight or flight response is Broken 👍
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theghostofashton · 2 years
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#the past like two and a half weeks have just been job interview after job interview editorial test after editorial test#and i've been stuck in this permanent anxiety loop where i'm nauseous and shaky all the time and i can't relax ever#and it's just been fucking exhausting like i am so tired#and this recruiter emailed me last night after i had an interview yesterday saying i have my last one today and just#i got rejected from something i really wanted yesterday#and this job i'm interviewing rn i also really want like this is the dream the people are so wonderful the books are incredible#i want it so bad i'm so scared to fuck it up lol#fuck up the interview fuck up my chances whatever#it's just been like. the past few months have been hell and i want this to work so bad#i'm someone who hates change but i am begging for it rn i want my life to change#and i feel good about this but i also don't bc i can never trust my gut my anxiety is too bad for that#i just want things to work i want things to stop being hard i want the universe to do me this solid#also yeah this is why my fic hasn't been updated in a while i'm sorry lol#my life feels like an emotional rollercoaster atm and i just do not have the energy#all i've been doing other than panicking is watching lone star and feverishly reading fics like i don't feel like a person anymore lol#i want this interview to be over but i also just want to do well#idk what this is im just. i feel gross and i have to figure myself out so i can do this lol#delete later
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fuckmycrane · 8 months
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Moon — Thomas Shelby.
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— CW: 18+!, smut. breeding kink, (slight) housewife kink, mentions of kidnaping. Age gap. | word count: 1.7k. (not proofread!)
— a/n: I have no clue from where this came from. I'm not in the best mindset and this happened. This is also my first time writing for Tommy so don't hate me lol. This isn't canon compliant ig because I don't want it to be. I just want him so bad it's not even funny.
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Vulnerability. 
It was a word he never thought he’d truly understand the meaning of. 
It was always meant to be a secret. Why? Because good things don’t last long— not for him. Never for him. 
And every time he is away from you, it is a constant heartache that not even the strongest alcohol or an insane amount of tobacco could ease. He wishes he could steal the moon from the dark skies of Birmingham and hand it to you, he knows how much you love the moon. Night after night, he raises his head to stare at it for hours, wondering where are you, if you are thinking about him as much as he is thinking of you.
Wondering if you love him as much as he loves you.
Love. Such a funny word. A meaning both so full and so empty.
He wishes he could steal you. 
He knows how much he loves you.
It is always better to be safe than sorry— that’s why he secluded you, and you understood. Perhaps it was the naivety granted by your young age, or maybe it was your blind love for a man who was doomed since the day he was born. Whatever it was, it kept both of your hearts attached, beating as one; watching the same moon.
He counts the days, the hours, and sometimes even the minutes; he is a smart man, he knows where you are and with whom, he knows what dress you wore and who you talked to. And he does it for love. Or even obsession. A strange urge that creeps into him every night when he thinks of you after a long day of work— an urge to be loved. He counts the days, the hours, and sometimes even the minutes until he is able to see you again. To hide under that perfect, warm blanket that is your arms, your kisses, your body. 
In front of your front door, he knocks even though he knows the door is open. He has guards on every corner, eyes on every window. He already lost too many precious things in his life. He can’t afford to lose you. He built you a house, a paradise for you to enjoy, cherish and take care of. He gave you everything you could ask for, even more. Growing up, you never experienced the same deficiencies and struggles he did, you never had to lift a single finger and that’s alright for him. Because on those days when he feels powerless and exhausted, he knows he can always ride back home, and regain that power by standing next to you. 
Home. Home. Home.
“Tommy!” The squeak of excitement makes the long trip worth it. Everything is worth it if it comes to you.
He hugs you, keeping you tight against his chest wishing he could stay that way forever, basking in your delicate soul, your selfless heart. Thomas calls your name in an affectionate way that no one could evoke in such a genuine way. He kisses you with such passion that makes your blood boil and your heart flutter.
“How are you feeling?” He asks, ignoring how his mind scolds him for the hint of vulnerability that laces his voice. 
Placing your hands over your stomach, his body tenses at the small bump underneath your expensive, tailored dress. “We feel good, we missed you— I missed you” You reply with adoration. He is finally here.
“I’m here,” He says as if you needed confirmation that he is in fact in front of you. 
“How is everyone?” 
“Good” He places a large hand over your stomach, rubbing it with his palm. “Ada keeps asking me when I will bring you back to Small Heath”
“And when will that be?” Your question gives him a pang of guilt. He wishes he could have an answer, his face says it all. “It’s alright, love. I understand things are… difficult”
“Enough about that” He breathes, cupping your cheeks and forcing you to look at him. He wants the distraction, he wants the warmth, he wants you. “I’m here to see my wife, not to talk about work”
With a giggle, you kiss him. “Fine. Whatever you want”
And he loves that. He loves how willing to please you are. He loves how you let him guide you upstairs, undress you, and adore you. Thomas’ hands caress the small bump in your stomach as he carefully lifts his hips to thrust deeper, enjoying every small moan and gasp. Normally he isn’t this gentle, but he will never harm you or your baby. With his occasional grunts and pants, he grabs your thighs, increasing his pace. Watching you bounce on top of him is a heavenly sight and is in these moments when he is sure you are an angel sent from heaven from him. He might not believe in God but whatever exists in this cruel world granted him with a Goddess.
“I m–missed you” You moan digging your nails into the pale skin of his shoulders. “I missed you s–so much”
That damn wave of vulnerability washes over him, the bed creaks with your combined weight, creating a delicious, sinful melody that he evokes on those nights when he is too desperate for your body and has to find relief in his own hands. 
His large hands cup your breasts, paying attention to your swollen, sensitive nipples. Thomas pinches them gently watching you tremble. He can already imagine them full and heavy, ready to take care of the baby that you are expecting— his baby. A louder groan falls down his lips at the thought. Such a wonderful mother you will be. Such a perfect, precious housewife. 
Such an angel sent from heaven.
“I love how you look” He confesses in a husky fashion, bouncing your tits in his calloused palms. “I can’t wait to see you— to see you all round and heavy with my baby”
His words send a shiver down your spine, clenching around him and making Thomas hiss from the raw pleasure of your tight pussy. “Please— don’t stop”
“I wasn’t plannin’ on, doll”
Thomas dares to increase the pace, using one hand to grope your ass to keep balance. Your moans also increase in volume, igniting the primal desire to claim you inside of him. “You are so fucking tight— I will fucking pump another baby into you as soon as you have this one”
You nod fervently, closing your eyes and scratching his chest. “Yes! I’ll have as many as you want Tommy— anything you want! Anything”
The loyalty he so loves. 
His lust wins over his composure for a moment, landing a sharp slap over your asscheek that makes you whine and clench again causing him to grit his teeth. He is aware of how much you adore it when he is rough with you, he thrives on the submission you gave him since day one. Unable to help himself, your husband slaps your ass repeatedly, relishing the cries of pleasure that call him like a siren to a poor, lost sailor. 
“Say you are mine” He grunts after another hard slap. He isn’t going to last any longer. Not with such a breathtaking view. 
“I belong to you!” You comply instantly. “I am y–yours! I’ve always been” He knows you are telling the truth. That’s why he had to take you away from your home, to manipulate you in order to give up your last name, to cast you under his spell— that’s why he had to have you since he first landed eyes on you. 
But at the end of the day, he was the one wrapped around your finger.
He is the one wrapped around the velvety, soft walls of your cunt, squeezing him for dear life and silently begging him to breed you, use you, claim you…
Love you.
With a strained cry, you come around him. He could watch you unravel on top of him for hours— in fact, he has.  Your movements were slow, deliberate, and intense. He could feel his breath hitch as you moved, and his heart raced as you arrived at your climax. His gaze was unwavering as he watched you ride out the waves of your pleasure. Thomas followed you seconds after, moaning your name under his breath; he fills you up just the way you both adore, it’s evident that when the hours pass, time is the only thing left to waste. Panting above him, he carefully settles you next to him, spooning you and keeping his softening cock inside of you. This is how he wants to end every day, to wake up every morning. 
Kissing your sweaty neck, he breathes you in, memorizing your scent once again. He knows his time with you is limited before someone notices his absence and begins to track him. Thomas needs to be two steps ahead of anyone. Your soft giggles make him smile, a genuine smile that feels so foreign to him. Under the darkness of your bedroom, his hands caress your hot skin, providing you with the heat and care he knows you crave. 
“I love you” You whisper, closing your eyes and falling asleep rather quickly. He listens to your heavy breathing, peaceful and unbothered; and that’s how he wishes it could stay forever. Away from worries, stress, fear. 
“I love you, more than you can imagine” He musters, hiding his face on the crook of your neck.
It’s true. Because love is such a funny word that gives him such a funny feeling. 
A warm, fuzzy feeling.
He opens his eyes, raising his head to look at the windows. The curtains are wide open, the weak glow of the full moon casting a divine glow over your naked body. His lips land on your shoulder, allowing the sensation to wash over him. It's a moment of peace and serenity, a moment in time that will never be forgotten. A moment he doesn’t want to end. 
Tomorrow. Tomorrow he will bring you back where you belong. It doesn’t matter the consequences, it doesn’t matter if the whole world finds out Thomas Shelby was the one who kidnaped Jack Nelson’s younger sister. As long as he has you, he is alive.
And he swears it to the moon.
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galacticgraffiti · 8 months
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❁ Sugar (I've developed a taste for you) ❁
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!!! NSFW ⋆ 18+ ⋆ Minors DNI !!!
Summary: Astarion asks for a favour and ends up getting more than what he bargained for (or: I'm a lesbian but this fictional little vampire twink can get it)
Rating: Explicit (for eventual smut) Wordcount: 2.4k Descriptors: I try to keep my reader-inserts fairly neutral, but let me know if anything slips through the cracks! Astarion is his usual self, pathetic and awful yet somehow also lovable as fuck. CW: bad flirting, friends with benefits (and the benefit is bloodsucking lol), blood, blood drinking, biting, hint of praise kink, eventual proper smut, nicknames, so much innuendo
✦⋆ Main Masterlist ⋆✦⋆ If you prefer AO3 ⋆✦
༻────• ༻❁༺ •────༺
Chapter 1: My my, those eyes like fire
He could be lovely if he wasn’t so self-involved.
That is the first thought you have when you meet Astarion. He is not downright mean, but something about him just bugs you. He flirts with every creature on two legs (sometimes even those with more), but that’s not it.
Something about all his honeyed words just feels so… insincere. 
You think Astarion has something to hide, and you desperately want to know what it is. So far, he has shown no signs of weakness, and he is as much as self-entitled twat as when you first met him. And this continues to be your opinion of him… up until today.
The day has been hard. Your feet hurt, your hands have blisters, and you are smeared with blood pretty much all over. Your shirt has been ripped and frankly, you don’t know when you might find the time to mend it. There is a giant bloodstain on the thigh of your trousers, and you are pretty sure your hair has become completely encrusted in blood quite some time ago.
But you have made it back to camp and that is all that counts.
As you shake out your bedroll and try to ignore the fact that this is the seventh night in a row that you’ll have had bland stew for dinner, you catch Astarion’s eyes across the fire.
His gaze is… odd.
You have seen him in the heat of battle, you’ve seen the glint in his eye when he comes up with another of his devious plans. You’ve even seen him amused, shaking with laughter when Gale recited an - admittedly very ambiguous - poem to you.
But you have never seen him like this. It’s not affection, nor is it desire that lights up his delicate features. He almost looks… desperate. Like he is starving for something, and you can’t place your finger on what it is.
As soon as Astarion notices that you have caught him, his eyes flick away. He saunters off, way too casual to not be obvious about it.
You stare after him, vaguely confused. But then, Karlach makes her way over to ask for more stew, and you forget all about it. For the moment.
Her smile makes your belly flutter, and you wish you knew more about her, and so you do your best to make conversation, joking and asking shallow questions.
Astarion’s eyes haunt you through dinner.
Even though the day was exhausting, the nights in your little camp are starting to grow on you. Gale is funny in his own, book-wormish way. You have learned that Karlach is downright hilarious in her joy about the world outside of Avernus, and Wyll is always scandalised by her, which is admittedly quite fun to watch. Lae’zel and Shadowheart keep to themselves a bit more, but even they share the meals with the rest of you.
You laugh when Karlach imitates Wyll’s horrified expression, but in spite of yourself. your eyes keep wandering to the silver hair of your elven companion who is sitting across from you.
Astarion is staring at you again, his eyes focused on some point below your jaw. He is watching you intently, seemingly unaware you have caught him. He doesn’t blink, doesn’t look away - he just stares at you as your spoon scrapes along the bottom of your bowl.
Only when you get up to wash off before you go to bed does he move again.
Sometimes, Astarion reminds you of a scared animal in the way he moves, his eyes flicking back and forth, his hands trembling slightly whenever he is not in battle. He hides right out in the open, behind his swagger and his dirty jokes and innuendos, behind his beautiful face and his beautiful body.
Tonight, though, even in all his desperation, Astarion is not prey. He is a predator. And like any talented predator, he has managed to get his prey away from the protection of the group.
You are kneeling in the small stream that runs by the camp, washing your bowl, your clothes, yourself - everything is dirty and soaked in mud, sweat and blood. You are barely wearing anything, but your companions have seen you in much more precarious situations at this point.
Astarion approaches quietly, sneaking up on you in that manner where you can never tell whether it is intentional or not. He is just… there, suddenly, shedding his clothes next to you, blood still smeared on his pale skin.
He stops short of the water, watching you from the riverbank. You try not to gawk as he undresses, but something about him seems unusually anxious. The way he pushes hit foot forward so slowly, testing the water, makes you wonder if he might not know how to swim.
Astarion smiles suddenly, taking a step into the stream and towards you, then another, his smile growing the deeper he wades into the water. Dark red streaks appear in the water where the blood is washed from his pale skin.
He clears his throat and raises a sharp brow.
“And how are you feeling tonight, sweet thing?” he inquires. His eyes flick over your body, focusing on a point below your ear for a moment before he rips his gaze away again.
“‘M alright,” you answer, brow furrowed as you scrub your shirt a little harder than you actually need to. Why he has to be so infuriating with his nicknames, you’ll never know. “Today was… a lot. I wanted to have a quiet moment.”
“Ah.”
He doesn’t seem to get the hint. He merely wades further into the stream, shimmering pearls of water running down his back. When you don’t say anything else, he turns to face you once again.
“Are you not going to ask me how I am, darling?”
“Wasn’t planning on it,” you mumble, throwing your shirt to the side, Clearly, you’re not getting anywhere with it tonight.
“Tsk, so rude. Somebody should really teach you some manners.” He clicks his tongue at you like you are an insubordinate child, shaking his head until droplets hit you.
You press your lips together. If he wasn’t so beautiful, he wouldn’t get away with half the things he does, and it frustrates you to no end. You catch yourself forgiving him on occasions where you don’t mean to, simply because his face is the prettiest things you have ever seen, and you hate it.
Astarion watches you carefully, gauging your mood. You stare back at him defiantly. What the hell could he want from you, anyway?
The hunger in his eyes is back, you notice - that desperation that you can’t quite place. There is a pained expression around his mouth, and despite all his cockiness, he is clearly not doing entirely well - his skin even paler than usual, his hands shaking a little when he crosses his arms.
Astarion yawns, his gaze raking over you in a way that makes you shiver. You tell yourself it’s just the cold of the water.
“Well, I was going to ask you for your help, but you are in a terrible mood.” He inspects his fingernails, and even though you know exactly that he is baiting you, you can’t help yourself.
“You? Need my help? Never thought the day would come.” Your voice is biting, but you can’t hide the note of curiosity that sneaks in.
“Don’t make me out to be such a horrible companion.” Astarion takes a step closer to you through the water. You take a step back. He laughs, but his eyes catch on your neck again. “I’m not that bad, am I?”
You shrug.
“Sometimes you are.”
“Hm.” He raises his brows, and takes another step towards you. This time, you don’t step back. “Well, I suppose that can’t be helped, my love. We all have good and bad days, don’t we?” He cocks his head. “And today has been quite hard for me.”
You make a non-committal noise, staring him down. What in the hells is he trying to do? Seduce you?
Your body likes that thought much more than your mind does.
Astarion is watching you intently. He stretches out his hand to take yours, and in your surprise, you don’t even pull back. His thumb rests right against the delicate inside of your wrist, and he closes his eyes.
You wait for him to drone on about how he carried your group on the battlefield, to gloat that you now owe him your life seven times over, but he doesn’t. Astarion stays eerily still, breathing deeply as his thumb strokes your wrist, pressing against your pulse point.
You can’t keep quiet any longer, not with the odd way he is behaving. Maybe he got hit by a spell, or…
“Any reason today was particularly hard for you?” You meant to sound sarcastic, but the question comes out sounding sincere. You scold yourself for caring so much.
Your skin burns like fire where he is touching you. Astarion’s eyes open, and he looks at you like he was a million miles away. He is so close now - much closer than you realised. You can see the fiery ring around his irises.
“I…” To your surprise, his voice is hesitant and quiet. “It’s easier to just… show you. You see, I need something from you, my darling.”
You frown.
“Why ask me? You could ask any of us, and most of them would be more inclined to help than I am. I’ve seen the way that Gale watches you at the fire-”
“Gale?” Astarion sounds genuinely amused. “Darling, do you think I’m asking you for sexual favours right now?”
“I- yes?” Your voice is full of uncertainty. “I mean… is that not what you were going to say?”
Astarion smiles, small and sharp.
“No.” He is even closer to you now, his thumb still caressing the skin of your wrist. “Even though I would not be disinclined if you offered… you are quite beautiful, you know?”
“Mh. Thank you?” You wish your heart would not beat faster at the way he looks at you. It’s a look that doesn’t fit the words that fall from his lips, a look that betrays the desperation with which he needs this favour. “What-”
“What I am asking for is simple.” He is so close now he could kiss you if you leaned in. “All I want is… a taste.”
“I- what?”
His lips are on your neck, his hand in your hair. You are not quite sure when that happened.
“Say yes, sweet thing,” he breathes. “Just a taste of your blood and-”
“My blood?” You sound more distraught than you actually feel. You are… oddly resigned. You should have seen this coming - you knew something was up with him, you knew he wasn’t telling you the whole truth.
And now, here you are. With a fucking vampire. His lips graze your pulse point, and your heart beats faster. You can feel the heat of his breath when he utters a single word.
“Please.”
It’s that one word that changes everything. Just like that, he has you. All the arrogance, all the superiority is gone from his voice, and what is left is just hunger and the fear that you might reject him. For a moment, you are sure you must have imagined it, but then, Astarion repeats himself.
“Please.” His hand tightens around your wrist, though he is trembling more than you are. “Just a taste, no more.”
Your lips are numb when you answer, your mind screaming at you not to let him- this is dangerous, this is stupid- you have already lost so much blood in the fight today and-
“Yes.” Your hands are on his shoulders, then in his silver hair. He smells so good; even after this horrid day. Your voice is softer than you intend for it to be, but his desperation makes you weak. “If you need it, it’s yours.”
Astarion makes a sound that shatters you, and before you can think too much about your own colossal stupidity, his fangs sink into your neck. 
It’s not painful.
It’s uncomfortable, but the fear that bites into your heart ebbs after mere seconds. Astarion’s hands are surprisingly warm against you, keeping you upright. Your head falls to the side, granting him easier access and - oh.
Why does it feel so good?
You become acutely aware of your blood flowing from the small puncture wounds in your neck, and for a moment, you panic, stiffening in Astarion’s arms.
“There, there, sweet thing.” His lips don’t raise an inch from your neck. “It’s alright, just trust me. Just a taste, all I want is a taste…”
Your head is swimming.
“You have tasted me,” you whisper, trying to pull away. When you look into Astarion’s eyes, there is a red glint in them - and a sadness that overwhelms you.
“No taste of you will ever be enough.” Astarion looks up at you from beneath long lashes. “You are divine, my love.”
The tip of his tongue wets his lips, licking up the small droplets of blood that linger.
You stare at him, trying with all your might to focus.
“You said… just a taste. No more than you need.”
His finger traces your jaw, down your neck, and your whole body is on fire.
“If it were up to me, I would need all of you,” Astarion sighs, his lips on your neck again, his tongue lapping at the blood that flows from the wound he has given you. “I would take and take, and give you so much in return. I would have you in ways you did not even know you wanted. Taste everything you have to offer.”
You shiver when he raises your wrist to his mouth, soft lips pressing to delicate skin.
“I would cherish you, keep you. My little pet, so perfect, so beautiful in every way. So eager to give what I need. Would you give me more if I asked?”
“Of course,” your lips say even though those were not the words you were planning to utter. But how could you ever say no to him? “If that’s what you need.”
Astarion’s sigh is one of rapture and delight.
“So obedient for me… You know, all these days I thought you hated me.” He chuckles to himself. “I suppose even I can be wrong sometimes.”
His teeth sink back into your neck, and the world goes dark.
༻────• ༻❁༺ •────༺
>> Next Chapter
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HELLO MY DOVES i finally found time to format this for tumblr so here you go, for those who are not in love with the bear, you can get the twink, as a treat.
@deewithani @ficsbynight @kote-wan @ariadnes-red-thread @rescuethewretched @twistedstitcher27 @kakashibabe02 @writingbylee @purgetrooperfox @basilbumble @witchklng @lackofhonor @ashotofspotchka @sailor-blossom @misogirl828 @amyroswell @darkjedipoptarts @pinkiemme @sleepingsun501 @fett-djarin @samanthacookieone @tortor-mcgee @corrabell @queen--kenobi @elegantduckturtle @felinaone @palpipeen @wild-karrde @obeydontstray @nomercyforthewarrior @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @thefact0rygirl @everythingyouwanted @equalityforcats @cagrame @ladykatakuri @snakerune @shadesofshatteredblue @100lxtters @damerondala @tachyon-girl @rintheemolion @pickleprickle @mando-amando @certified-anakinfucker @baba-fett @ulchabhangorm
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courtmartialme · 2 months
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some examples i can think of brotherhood crimes of doing riza(and royai) dirty in my opinion that's the absolute truth in the universe. consciously excluding stuff i think are minor but annoy me just as bad or else this post would be too exhausting:
being ugly in general
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not including her time travel joke from when they learn that the elrics are kids and not adults on their way to recruiting them
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not including the scene where roy meets her after she calls him when she meets barry the chopper and threatens to burn him out of jealousy
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changing the dialogue after roy saves her from gluttony from:
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to:
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LIKE...... if brotherhood has the habit of cutting off scenes to make it shorter then WHY they would change this scene to become BIGGER AND WORSE. the dialogue in manga is a clear example of their trust and wordless care for each other. while in broho it's just ?????? roy being an asshole????? to his wife?????? whom he just left his post running for bc he sensed she was in danger???? whoever chose to change this dialogue. kill yourself
riza being nice to alphonse when they are at 3rd laboratory:
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not including the only time in the whole series roy calls her by her first name only:
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the WHOLE ishval arc. riza telling ed about ishval lasts a whole ass volume while it's barely an entire episode in anime like... hm.. for starters the way roy and riza meet again there is different. in manga she saves roy and hughes from a surprise attack, and only realizes it's roy when she sees him through the scope. then hughes tells roy that they brought a talented sniper from the academy and goes after her to thank her for saving them. in anime riza suddenly shows up to roy when he was talking to hughes and like... not necessarily a bad thing i guess but...... yeah.... also this whole conversation is cut off if i remember right.. among a lot of other things LOL i hate how ishval arc is played down in BH
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riza being funny and cute not being included again
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this scene when they reach 3rd lab again in promised day and roy jokes about wanting to see her honest tears again and riza replies saying water makes him useless BUT in manga she's all cute and blushy while in anime they make her be all # girlbaws about it because that's all brotherhood riza is about lmao they took away her moeness...crime
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in manga, after roy gives up killing envy upon realizing it would lead to riza shooting him then killing herself, it shows him lowering her gun without the glove he previously had on. symbolizing that he lowered his weapon before he could lower hers. in anime he still has his gloves on
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EDIT I FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT PANEL OF THEM ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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RIZA BEING INSUBORDINATE AND A BRAT SHE'S SO CUTE THIS PANEL IS WHAT INSPIRED MY USERNAME... SHE'S SO CUTE...... brotherhood is so scared of letting riza be cute and moe because she would be too powerful if they let her
EDIT 222222 BECAUSE I WOKE UP IN COLD SWEAT AT REMEMBERING I FORGOT THIS TOO
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roy visits madame christmas' bar looking down and she asks him why doesn't he and elizabeth go someplace fun... we all know who elizabeth is right... and he says miserably that another man took elizabeth away from him(referring to riza being kept hostage by bradley) and at that the other girl asks if that means she has a chance with him now. everyone knows that roy is so wifepilled he won't look any other way if riza is in the picture lmao also how embarrassing it is that even your mom knows you're fucking your subordinate
i'm convinced somebody at BH staff hated riza's ass because of how often riza and royai scenes are changed or ignored... i know it's common for anime adaptations to cut off moments from manga but for an anime that whole premise is to be The Better Adaptation, doing it so often makes it bad to me. if you repeatedly exclude scenes that tell more about the characters because they're "not relevant to the plot", eventually there will be no actual personality left, only characters that are plot props
THERE'S A LOT MORE i wanted to include but this is already long enough and i got tired LMFAO a lot of things(most not included) are non issues because are mostly about riza being a bit silly, or showing more expression than she does in anime in a scene that otherwise doesn't change anything. but they still annoy me because by repeatedly excluding and changing these moments add to the view people have of her being nagging and stoic, at an attempt to make her a cool flawless Good Woman Character. what for.
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