#top ten wholesome tv moments

[savagegood]

“We put you in an adjoining hotel room with Todd, whose odd demeanor and obsession with body parts were specifically intended to frighten you. But you didn’t shut him out. You welcomed him into your room, and into your non-optimally designed heart.”

jury duty, the show where everyone except one person - noted sweetheart ronald gladden - is really an actor (full clip of the chair pants/chants episode here)

[laminy]

Hello again! I know we talked like… literally a day ago and I got very distracted with talking about another subject (sorry about that, that was on me).

I’ve reached chapter ten of ITSBASM!! (I know you probably don’t need an update report on my reading of your fanfic lol but let me compliment you please)

And I haven’t even read THAT far into the story but oh my word… you’re one of the most talented writers hands down. You’re so descriptive, you’re great at slow burn (and normally I really dislike slow burn because I can be impatient lol but your slow burn is amazing).

The fact that you did research for the story is really awesome (and definitely tricky to find accurate and/or helpful information. It can also be difficult to find the exact information you might need so kudos to you!)!

Here’s my rant about your series so far (sorry if I mess anything up or if my rant sounds choppy, I am writing this as my brain thinks at the speed of light)

(Sort of spoilers for those who don’t want spoilers)

I love Gwilym so much. I also love his friendship with Rami and jeez Joe is honestly such a mood at times lol. I’m so so so pleased with the dynamics and even though they aren’t the wholesome family we know and love yet, that’s alright.

I of course feel bad for East since he certainly wanted his crew to be able to adjust to their “new life” and how East made sure they’d all be alright before he sadly died. I do like how you had John feel remorse towards East and his death, even though his last interaction with East wasn’t very pleasant. It shows that John did respect East nonetheless.

I also wanted to compliment you on how amazing you were able to describe Gwilym’s emotions and feelings. I love how you implemented Joe telling Rami that no matter how much he wants to help Gwilym feel even a little bit better, it’s ultimately up to Gwilym to “get better” if you know what I mean.

And I also love how you have written Ben. He is definitely the youngest out of them and to have such tough responsibilities and jobs, you’ve created the perfect atmosphere and mood to show that Ben is wise and smart beyond his years and beyond what people assume of him just because of his age.

Gwilym and Rami’s friendship is written amazingly and I’m absolutely loving it! Joe and Ben’s friendship is also amazingly strong and I love that as well! I love all the moments with Gwilym and Rami and Ben and Joe, again I’m a sucker for special friendship dynamics!

Anyways I just wanted to tell you about how I feel with the series (I awkwardly don’t have an account yet on AO3 so I can’t reply on that… I’ll end up making an account someday but not this day lol).

But yeah again, I absolutely am loving your series and it’s probably going to be one of my absolute top favorites ever so yeah!

And by the way, if you don’t want me to continue to send you asks about your series, just let me know! I can be quite obnoxious at times lol. But yeah your series is amazing!

You can send me as many asks as you want, oh my gosh, I don't mind at all. If you don't want me to publish my responses or want me to just message you privately, please let me know! I don't want to post anything that you don't want people to see.

Chapter 10 is always where I thought, if this were a TV show, Chapter 10 would be the end of season one, with Gwil coming out of his room. So, that's a pretty good turning point in the story. There is still a lot more to come but that was a pretty big step for Gwil.

I loved writing all their friendships, as they grow and get closer, Gwil and Joe will have their little moments (bigger moments as things go on) and same with Ben and Rami. I enjoyed writing the romances and obviously I think a lot of people were on board with them, but I knew that just as many people, if not more, wanted a story about their friendship and as I was writing it, I just wanted them all to be a really happy group of four.

As for all the compliments, I will happily take them and tell you how much I appreciate them. I think I have other shorter stories, one shots, that I would rather read, but in terms of like, the world created, ITBASM is probably the best thing I've ever written. It's definitely the story that made me really feel like a writer, and it helped me through some dark times. So, I'm really happy you're enjoying it, thank you for letting me know :)

[returntosaturn271995]

Wednesday-Thursday, October 25th-October 26th: Learning to live even if it kills me

The struggle was actually beautiful the last two days. Horrible anxiety, but the swing back of accomplishing things anyway. Self-trust, self-soothing, self-reliance. October 25th was weird, but also invigorating. I was on the verge of tears, holding my stomach, and going on a power (read: crazy-person) walk around the neighborhood when I bumped into a very old and alone golden retriever in booties (I need to get a dog). I made conversation with the owners who told me to swing by on Halloween because they were going to set up their backyard for the neighborhood. It was a beautiful and wholesome moment, even as I stemmed panic.

Then I pitched to Kellogg's and had lunch with Makenna, discussing our plans for Hannah's room when she moves out. After work I danced around the kitchen singing "Dream a Little Dream of Me" (the Mama's and the Papa's version) and making seared salmon and saffron potatoes with shishito peppers, labneh, and olives.

What is it about shishitos where 9 of them are fine and then the tenth one burns the shit out of your mouth? I'm eating leftovers today playing Russian roulette with these spicy bastards. Anyway, the residual emotional hangover from yesterday subsided with a lot of water drinking and a nap. Truly Pavolv's dumbest dog.

I slept deeply last night, no dreams thank god. Worked from Palmy's for a couple of hours, did yoga, and then ran intervals to the beach. I meditated under the pier, staring as the waves came in, getting closer to my ears, eyes, and toes.

I feel calm, creative, and pleasantly exhausted. It's the kind of day you want to hold on to.

Current Book: "You Are More Than You Think You Are" by Kimberly Snyder and Sapiens by Yuval Cantspellhislastname. Not going to lie Kim is coming on a little strong with her wisdom and promising to eliminate both inner turmoil and belly fat with her path to enlightenment (in ten capitalism-friendly steps!) but I'm trying to keep my mind open. (I did already spend $17 so the universe must be on her side a little bit). Sapiens is more fun and historical, though lacks absolutely anything related to spirituality so they kind of balance out.

Current TV Show: Grace and Frankie

Work being funny: Special K-hole, the rate at which East Coast professionals will say "fuck" and "bang it out" on calls.

Perfume: Lost Cause by Phlur

Outfit: Dark blue camo Lululemon workout jacket, black sports bra top, black leggings, black and white Asics, black headband, black leather tiny backpack that it can't fit anything useful in it.

[floormenu47]

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[duskholland]

Warm | Tom Holland Smut

warnings ↠ nsfw, 18+ ! this is just some very loving c*ckwarming with sleepy boyfriend tom, ft unprotected sex and oral (fem receiving)

word count ↠ a wholesome 3k

a/n ↠ got inspired by the ig live yesterday and whipped up a lil something to satisfy the devil in me. let me know what you think!

The material of Tom’s hoodie is soft against your cheek, and as you nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck, it feels as though the weight of the world is rolling from your shoulders. His hands are on your waist, tucked beneath the hem of your t-shirt and resting gently over the curves of your hips. As you hum against his shoulder, you feel him shift his fingers, tracing delicate, circular patterns over your skin. 

“Your hoodie is so soft,” you mumble against him, punctuating the words with a few soft kisses to the base of his neck. Tom squeezes your sides, bringing his lips to the top of your head where he leaves a lingering kiss to your hairline. “Wish we could stay like this forever.”

One of his hands moves away from your waist, drifting up to cup the back of your head. As Tom’s nimble fingers rest over your hair, he uses his other arm to pull you closer. It’s a lazy Sunday morning, both of you tangled up in sweats and comfy clothes, and the feeling of his warm body pressed against yours makes you sigh contentedly. 

“We can stay like this all day?” Tom offers. He slowly strokes over the back of your head, the gesture full of a gentle tenderness you’d missed. He’s been so busy recently, with filming and press engagements, that it’s been a while since you’ve had time to exist like this. Two people, curled up together, wrapped up in dizzying love. “Missed you so much this week, darling.”

You smile against his neck and finally pull back so you can look at him properly. You’re resting over Tom’s thighs, straddling his green sweats comfortably, and your position gives you the perfect opportunity to get a lovely, long look at your boyfriend’s face. With his pink hood drawn up around his head, you can make out a few strands of his brown hair, long and a little shiny, and you find your fingers drawn towards them. You reach up, smiling at his tut of disapproval as you gently knock the hood down, revealing his bed of messy, chestnut curls.

“Missed you too,” you finally reply, carding a hand through his hair. With your other fingers, you reach out to cup his cheek, grinning as he presses his face into your palm. Tom’s got his eyes wide and flooded with gentle love, and it makes you melt. This man has you wrapped around his little finger. “Missed a lot of things about you, actually.”

“Yeah?” Tom’s lips quirk into a lazy smirk as he draws you a little nearer. He smells faintly of cologne. “Like what?”

“Oh, you know…” As you muse, you let your index finger wander down the bridge of his nose, tracing over the light freckles. “Missed hearing your lovely voice. It always sounds so raspy in the morning like this.” You lean in to press a quick kiss to his jaw. “And I missed your hugs. God, Tom, you give the best hugs.” As if to prove your point, Tom tightens his grip around you. “Missed your lips, too.”

“Oh, you did, did you?” He’s got that cheeky glint in his eyes, and you nod your head immediately. “I think they missed you too, love. Why don’t you pay them a visit?”

The snort that leaves your mouth is a loud burst of twisted sound, but it makes Tom’s smile grow wider. You wind both arms around his neck and shuffle closer, finally bridging the distance and nuzzling your mouth against his. 

Kissing Tom has to be one of your favourite things ever. The way your lips meld together, dancing in sync as he presses against you with eager force always makes your heart race, no matter how long you’ve been together. His lips are warm and gentle, and as they meet with yours in a lazy exploration of mutual enjoyment, you find yourself melting against him. His hands are back on your hips, and they roam the expanse of your naked back as his tongue flicks into your mouth, causing you to groan softly. When he drags his fingers up and discovers your lack of bra, he’s quick to shift his palms around to the front of your body, holding the curves of your breasts in each hand.

“I bloody love you,” he murmurs, speaking against your lips. The pads of his thumbs brush over your nipples and you gasp into his mouth, careening further into his touch. “You’re the most beautiful woman on the planet, lovie.” 

You kiss him with a little more intensity, your heart fluttering in response to his sweet, sweet sentiment. It’s early - the both of you had only woken up a half-hour ago - so Tom’s voice is strained and raspy. The sound of his husky tones brings a thrill of excitement to the heat between your legs. 

As his tongue explores your mouth and your fingers tangle in his hair, you become aware of a building pressure pushing up against your sweats. You start to grind down against him, enjoying both the friction it provides to your clit and also the way the movement draws deep, desperate whines from Tom. 

“You wanna know a secret?” You ask him, pulling away to pant in his ear. When Tom hums, you kiss his earlobe. “Think I might’ve missed your cock, too.”

His chuckle rumbles into the air. “Is that so?” Tom’s hands slip away from your chest, and they anchor down your hips. You hum as he guides you, pushing you further against his crotch as your centres meet. You can feel the outline of his length straining up against you, and the sensation makes you grin. “I’ve missed being inside your tight little pussy.” He leaves a kiss just behind your ear, right over a patch of sensitive skin. “Maybe we should do something about that?”

You almost whine as you nod, eagerly reaching down to release the drawstrings of his sweats. In return, Tom pulls free your own, and there’s a moment of shuffling around as you sit up and carefully wriggle out of both your trousers and your panties, Tom bundling them up and folding them into a neat pile beside him. Once you’re settled, you reach beneath the waistband of Tom’s sweats and pull his full member free, all whilst his hot lips trail up and down the column of your neck. 

There’s no burning desperation to your movements as you slowly work one another up. Rather, it’s gentle. Soft caresses, tender lips, whispered words of praise. You’re kissing him as you slowly slide your hand up and down his shaft, and he’s swallowing your moans with his tongue when two of his fingers slip into your slick pussy and work you open. It’s loving and familiar as he crooks his fingertips and nudges up against your g-spot, stimulating your passage until you’re bucking down against him, your movements distracted as your cunt drips for him.

“Need you inside me,” you moan out, a slight pull to your voice. You whimper as Tom’s hot fingers slip out from inside you, and then gasp when he uses his wet fingertips to rub over your clit. The bud pulses and you almost lose it, but a panging in your cunt reminds you of your overwhelming desire to have him inside you. “Tom,” you whine, skimming your thumb over his weepy tip, “Stop teasing.”

Tom growls into your ear, but he reluctantly moves his fingers away from you. He meets your eyes as he very purposefully brings his hand to his mouth and makes a show of licking his digits clean, moaning softly as he does it. 

“Delicious,” he decides. When you throw him a light scowl, he grabs you by the hips and brings you nearer. “Now,” he says, dropping his voice. His hand joins yours on his cock, and together you guide his head through your slit. You let Tom do the hard work, whimpering quietly as he lines his tip with your entrance. “How about we take care of this little problem, eh?”

Your teeth dig into your lower lip as you slowly, slowly lower yourself over him, tossing your head back as you adjust to the stretch. Tom’s lips move over your neck, sucking a soft hickey to your skin, anchoring you down. The sensation of his member settling deep inside you after so long makes you grab fistfuls of his hoodie, your knuckles tightening around it as you gasp softly.

“Fuck,” you murmur, letting your forehead fall onto his shoulder. You’re fully seated now, and you can feel every ridge and line of his cock pushed up against your walls, as if in high definition. Everything is amplified, and the longer you sit there wrapped up in his arms and with his lips now dusting over your temple, the closer to Tom you feel. “I love you,” you whimper, voice breathless.

Tom runs his hands over your back, soothing you with large circles of his palms. “Love you too, darling,” he mumbles. He shifts a little on the sofa, and you moan as the head of his cock brushes deeper. “Feel so warm ‘n snug around me.”

You feel yourself clench at his words, and make a very conscious decision to loosen up. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, you pull yourself away from the crook of Tom’s neck, pouting a little as the soft fabric of his hoodie leaves your face.

“Do you want to stay like this for a little bit?” You ask, eyes skimming his beautiful face. Your heart fills with appreciation for the man as you pick up all the small details that make him so attractive to you: the worn curves of his nose, the splattering of sun-kissed freckles over his cheeks, the ruffled hairs of his eyebrow. Your thumb absently moves up to his eyebrow and you draw your touch across it, feeling the soft hairs with your finger and sighing as you admire him. 

“How long?”

You crane your neck back, glancing briefly at the paused TV. “‘Til the end of the show? Should be about ten minutes.” You move your hand into his hair, feeling the silky strands fall past your fingers. “Just wanna feel close to you.”

Tom presses his lips to the tip of your nose, drawing a loose giggle from you. “Alright,” he agrees. He drops his voice as he shifts his mouth back to your ear, hot breath flushing over your neck as he adds, quieter, “I’m going to wreck you afterwards, though.”

A shiver passes through you, and your hum mixes with the sounds of the TV as Tom immediately unpauses the programme. You can’t see the screen from where you’re sitting, but you turn down Tom’s offer to reposition. The show is the last thing on your mind, and you’re glad you’re not distracted by it. 

For you, there’s nothing more fulfilling than hiding your face into your boyfriend’s shoulder and feeling him everywhere. Hands on your sides, caressing you and drawing you closer. His lips softly passing over the top of your head. His length, plugging you up to the hilt. Each time one of you shifts, you release a quiet whimper as arcs of pleasure roll up your spine, and when you clench in response, Tom grunts. There’s something so easily private about it: no end goal but just to enjoy one another, and spend this quiet moment holed up in each other’s arms. 

You’ve never felt this loved before, and it brings a lump to your throat.

“You okay?” Tom asks, shifting a hand to hold the back of your head. You hum, tilting your face to the side so you can kiss the point behind his ear.

“Yeah. Just really love you.”

His eyes flicker down to meet yours, flooding with concern when he notes the tears spread thinly over your eyes. “You’re so precious,” he lilts, his accent twanging prominently. He brings you nearer, kissing your forehead in several spots. “I’m going to marry you one day.”

You kiss him, letting your hand travel up to rest against his cheek. “Good,” you whisper against him. There’s a dizzying moment where you just look at him, his eyes mirroring yours, flooded deep with gratitude that rocks you to your bones. You feel safe wrapped up in his arms, and as the music for the credits drifts through the air, you find yourself exhaling. “Show’s over.”

“Lay down for me, love.” 

You whimper when you feel his length slide from you, your cunt feeling cold and empty without him, but he kisses at your pout until it fades away. Tom follows you down onto the couch cushions, caging you in with an arm either side your head. After a moment, you feel his cock sliding through your slit again, pressing up against your clit in a way that makes you moan. 

“I can taste myself on your tongue,” you admit, pulling away from a deep kiss with a perplexed expression on your face. 

“Fucking lovely, isn’t it?” Tom gains a rather mischievous look on his face. “Actually…” 

He pulls away before you can grab him to stay, and Tom slips down between your legs with a cheeky smirk on his lips. 

“Tom,” you whine, scrunching your nose. “I want you.”

“In a minute.” He presses your knees apart and leaves a soft kiss to the inside of one of your thighs. “Patience, my darling girl.”

You try your best to look unimpressed, but it’s very difficult to maintain the rouse as he draws his tongue through your slit. You reach down to grip at his hair, pulling him closer as he trails his mouth all over you. He moans straight against your sopping folds, teasing your clit with his tongue as he slides two fingers back into you, exploring your wet heat eagerly.

“Tom,” you cry out, your back arching off the sofa. His free hand immediately goes to your side, pushing you back down and keeping you in place as his mouth explores you. Noises of your wet arousal fill the air as he sucks over your clit, teasing you, edging you until you’re whimpering. “C’mon, Tom, don’t wanna cum like this. Need to be full of you.”

When he pulls back, Tom runs the back of his hand across his mouth, wiping away the shine of your slick and his spit combined. He cracks a smile when he takes in the fucked-out expression on your face, pulling up until he’s hovering above you once more. One of his hands caresses your leg before loosely opening it up, and the other rests over your hair near your head. He kisses you softly.

“Are you ready?” He asks. 

“Yes,” you whimper, pressing down against him to prove your point. Your voice twists into a gasp as Tom slips into you, the movement easy and slick. Your fingers grip at the back of his hoodie as he rocks against you, your cunt squeezing around him as you take him wholly. “Shit.”

Tom nips at your necks, strands of his hair rubbing up against your hot skin. “So fucking perfect,” he murmurs. He pulls out before fucking back into you with a deep, slow thrust. “Fuck, you’re such an angel.” He leaves another kiss to your neck as he gradually quickens his pace. “My angel, aren’t you?”

You pull him back up, meeting his mouth in response. As you kiss him, his hand on your thigh shifts up and intertwines with one of yours, your fingers tangling as the rest of your bodies do, too. You’re grateful for the contact - keeping you anchored together like an emotional tether, a constant reminder of your love. 

Everything about the moment feels so intimate, his pace slow but still fulfilling. Each time Tom thrusts his hips to meet yours, you feel him in you deep, nudging against those spots only he could reach. Each rut presses you one step closer to heaven, and your praises come out garbled, dissolving into his mouth as his lips caress you, tender and warm. 

Tom pulls away after minutes of deep kissing to stare at you, brown eyes full of warmth. “I’m so lucky,” he stammers out, voice strained. You widen your leg, granting him easier access, and both of you groan as the position lets him in deeper. You can feel that telltale warmth building in the pit of your stomach. “Love of my life, you are. You and your- fuck, your perfect little pussy.” His cheeks are red as he kisses your jaw. “Can’t wait to fuck you for the rest of my life, love.”

His words ignite something inside you that goes much deeper than superficial pleasure, and you find yourself clinging to him, gripping his hand with renewed strength as your other twists down between your bodies. Your fingertips connect with your clit, and you glide them over the bud, moaning louder as you feel your orgasm jerk closer.

“Cum in me,” you find yourself saying, eyes trained on the spot between your legs where Tom’s cock meets with your cunt. “Wanna feel you fill me up.” 

His head finds the crook of your neck, sweaty forehead pushing up against your skin as he grunts. “I’m not going to last much longer.”

“It’s okay.” You squeeze his hand as you gasp for breath. “I’m close.”

Tom peaks a few moments later, and the action of his guttural groans spilling into the air coupled with the way his cock pulses as he empties his load inside you makes you spasm over the edge too. You whimper as you orgasm, a throbbing warmth spreading across you as Tom kisses your neck over and over, his fingers gripping yours tightly as you enjoy the high together, basking in it. Your mouth hangs half-open as you vocalise your climax, your body on fire as he fucks you through it, the moment spanning a short infinity.

“Fuck,” he murmurs, finally stilling. He stays nudged up inside you as he sits up, supporting his weight on his arms, your hands still joined. Tom kisses you passionately, and you feel him smile against your lips as you kiss him back. “I’m so fucking in love with you.”

You bring your free hand up to his head, pushing his hair out from his face as you cup his cheek, looking into his captivating brown eyes. You look at him, and you know that there’s no safer vessel for your heart. You know he’s the love of your life. 

“Love you too,” you say, pausing to kiss him between each word. By the end, both of you are smiling. “You know you’re still in me, yeah?”

Tom chuckles, nodding. “Yeah.” He kisses your nose. “You’re warm.”

-

------

yeah you could say im soft for hoodie!tom...

masterlist linked in bio !

please let me know if you’ve got any thoughts :D askbox is always open; feel free to rb/comment (pls)

stay safe my lovely pals <3

[drabbles-mc]

Sick Day

Nestor Oceteva x F!Reader

Request by @nessamc​: I saw a picture of Coco wrapped in a blanket and immediately thought of a request idea for Nestor instead of Coco. Can I get a fic where Nestor is sick and is being a big baby about it, so reader has to take care of him?

Warnings: Nestor being a big baby

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: It’s one of my personal fave HCs about Nestor that he’s a total baby when he’s sick. Totally one of those guys who swears he isn’t sick until he’s lowkey dying and then proceeds to be a baby about it. Love that for him.

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For a few days, you’d noticed that it seemed like Nestor was starting to come down with something. You’d tried to tell him that he should get a little extra rest, take some vitamins, and just overall keep an eye on himself so it wouldn’t get worse. He waved you off, assuring you that it was nothing, that he never got sick, that if it was anything it was just allergies. You knew that he was a man too stubborn to win that kind of argument against, so you let him do as he pleased. He’d make his own bed, and he’d have to lay in it.

You were sitting at the kitchen table, sipping on your coffee as you scrolled on your phone. You’d gotten out of bed before Nestor, which was incredibly unusual. You figured it meant that all his denial was finally catching up to him, and that whatever was ailing him started to really wear him down. The house was almost silent, so when you heard the shuffling of fabric and the scuffling of feet, you smiled as you kept your attention on the little screen in your hands.

Nestor cleared his throat as he walked into the kitchen, and you knew that he was passively trying to get your attention. Determined not to feed into it, you spoke to him without turning to look at him, “Coffee’s already made if you want some.”

You could hear him sniffling as he paced throughout the kitchen. When you heard the sound of him opening the cupboard, you chanced a look back over your shoulder to see what kind of shape he was in. Immediately you found yourself pressing your lips together in a lame attempt not to smile. Nestor’s hair was down, a big curly mess the way it always got first thing in the morning. You could only see the ends, though, because he had a blanket draped over the top of his head and wrapped around his shoulders like an ill-fitting robe, or the most ridiculous superhero cape you’d ever seen.

“Nes?” you sat there, waiting for him to turn and look at you. When he did, you could see it immediately on his face how he must’ve been feeling, “Oh, baby,” you stood up and walked over to him, gently cupping his face in your hands, “You need to go back to bed.”

“I’m good,” he sounded congested beyond belief—he didn’t even sound like your boyfriend anymore.

You chuckled, shaking your head, “No you’re not,” you pressed your hand to his forehead and shook your head, “Go back and lay down. I’ll pull some stuff together for you.”

“It’s fine,” he sniffled, “Once I have some coffee and shower I’ll be—”

You gave him a light push back towards the hall that lead to the bedroom, “Go back to bed. I’ll make you some tea, pull together some stuff that’ll help make it so you can breathe like a normal human again. You’ll be cured in no time.”

“I’m not that sick.”

Rolling your eyes, you nodded, “Sure you’re not. Now go lay down.”

You couldn’t quite make out the words he was grumbling as he walked away, but surely enough you could hear the receding sounds of his shuffling along the floor. Once you were fairly certain that he was back in bed, you began to grab everything you’d need for his tea.

When it was done, you stood in the bedroom doorway for a moment, his mug of tea cupped carefully in your hands. Nestor was completely wrapped up in the blanket on the bed, looking as small as you’d ever seen him. His head was rested on the pillow, comforter pulled up to his chin. His eyes were shut, breathing steady, but you could still tell that he wasn’t completely asleep. You leaned against the doorway and looked at him, and despite the fact that you hated seeing him sick, there was something wholesome about the sight of him bundled up in bed the way that he was.

Finally crossing the threshold, you made your way over to him. You set the mug on the bedside table before getting situated on the mattress next to him. Leaning back against the headboard, you stretched your legs out in front of you. Even in his sick, exhausted daze, Nestor realized what you were doing and immediately scooted himself over so that he could rest his head in your lap, draping one arm across your thighs. You let out a quiet chuckle as you carefully, lovingly, toyed with his hair. He let out a quiet grumble of contentment as you did, practically melting into your lap.

He let out a deep sigh that turned into him trying to hold back a cough. A small smile crossed your face as you gave his shoulder a gentle shake, “Sit up, Nes. The tea will help with that.”

He groaned but slowly he propped himself up, leaning back against the headboard the same way that you were. He pulled his legs up so that he was sitting cross-legged, blanket still somehow wrapped around his shoulders and draped over him. You smiled as you handed him the mug, watching as he carefully cupped it in his hands. He soaked up the warmth through the ceramic for a few moments before lifting it to his lips and taking a careful sip. His facial features quickly relaxed—clearly he was expecting the tea to taste disgusting since it was supposed to be helpful.

“Not too bad, right?” you asked quietly as you reached over and rested your hand on his knee.

He nodded, taking another sip, “It’s good.”

“Good,” you smiled as you pulled your phone out, “there’s more in the kitchen so I can get you more when you’re done.”

“I can get my own—”

“You need to rest. Let me take care of you for a couple days, will you?”

He let out a mumble of sorts but didn’t argue with you anymore. You chuckled quietly, loving the tired, grumpy man sitting beside you on the bed. Sitting back and letting himself be taken care of wasn’t something that he’d ever been good at, and now he wasn’t being given another option.

As the morning went by, Nestor had another cup of the tea you’d made, before promptly falling back to sleep. You soothingly pushed the hair back out of his face as he laid sprawled out on his stomach on the bed. Even though he filled the room with congested snores, you still adored everything about him.

When Nestor woke up again, he had no idea how long he’d been asleep for. His eyes weren’t completely open yet as he felt around the bed for you. When he realized that you weren’t there, he opened his eyes the rest of the way. Slowly pushing himself up, he took a breath and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He felt a little less exhausted thanks to the nap, but he still felt sick. He knew he wasn’t going to get better in the span of one morning but he still hoped.

Sniffling, he caught the faint scent of something. He assumed that to someone who wasn’t losing the ability to breathe through their nose, it probably smelled great. Whatever it was, was just enticing enough to get him to force himself out of bed, adorning his blanket cape once more. He knew that you were just going to tell him to get back to bed, but he wanted to see what you were up to without having to shout to you from the other end of the house.

You heard him as soon as he stepped out of the bedroom. Not even needing to turn around and face him, you spoke to him as he walked into the kitchen, “It’ll be ready in about ten minutes.”

“What’s it?” he asked as he loomed closer to you and the stove.

You chuckled, glancing over at him for a moment, “Family recipe. Surefire way to get you breathing like a functional human again,” you turned and looked over at him, unable to fight the urge to tenderly cup the side of his face in your palm, “You should be laying down.”

“I’ll lay on the couch,” he started shuffling towards the living room.

You smiled, shaking your head because you knew that was the best you were going to get from him for the time being. He was always clingier and needier than he let on, but when he wasn’t feeling well it intensified tenfold.

When you were done cooking and were bringing over bowls for each of you, Nestor was on the couch, half-dazed as he tried to focus on what he was watching on TV. Setting the bowls on the coffee table in front of you, you sat down and nudged Nestor to let him know that it was time to eat. You were surprised that he hadn’t fallen back to sleep yet, but you assumed that he would as soon as he was done eating.

He curled up with his bowl of soup, and you knew that realistically the last thing he wanted to be doing was eating, but he did it without a fight. The lack of argument was mostly due to the fact that he didn’t have the energy to try and win one against you, but he wasn’t ever going to cop to that.

Both of your bowls were empty, discarded back onto the coffee table. Nestor sat with his head resting against the back of the couch. His eyes were shut as he looked up at the ceiling. You were leaning back against the arm of the couch, legs bent in front of you as you half paid attention to the show that was on. Looking over to Nestor, you saw that he was on the brink of falling back to sleep again. That was fine, but you also knew that if he fell asleep like that, the pain in his neck when he woke up would be atrocious.

Gently nudging him with your foot, you got him to look at you. Offering him a soft smile, you motioned for him to come and lay with you, “C’mere.”

He shook his head as he shifted on the couch, “I don’t wanna get you sick.”

Rolling your eyes, you shook your head, “I’ll be fine. If I’m not sick now, I’ll be alright. Come lay with me,” you stretched out your legs and positioned yourself so that he could come and lay with you.

He hesitated for a moment, but the thought of being curled up with you while he felt the way he did was too tempting to turn down. With a light sigh, he shimmied his way down to your end of the couch. He positioned himself between your legs and laid his head against your chest. You adjusted the blanket so that it was comfortably draped over the both of you. His eyes drifted shut immediately as he mumbled out a semi-coherent, “I love you.”

Smiling, you pressed a kiss to the edge of his forehead, “I love you too.”

[kimbapmmbapbap]

More k-dramas y'all should watch

So, at the end of 2017, I created a post going through my favourite dramas of all time. Obviously, I have watched more dramas since then so I have a few more dramas that everyone needs to watch!!

Strong Woman Do Bong Soon

This is an obvious one, so if you haven't watched it, have you been living under a rock?? When I first heard of it just before it came out, I thought it was going to be a rip off of weightlifting fairy Kim bok joo. But boy, was I wrong!! This drama has the perfect amount of romance, comedy, thriller and crime, so it is a good all rounder drama!! The whole cast (not just the leads) had amazing chemistry. The only flaw with this drama is that it does queerbait a little. I wish they either didn't add it in the story or fully went with that the main lead is Bi.

The story surrounds a girl with superhuman strength who wants to be a video game designer. She has always hid her strength due to fear if hurting others and losing her power. She in a unrequited love with her childhood friend who is now a police officer. She then crosses the path of a CEO of a video game company and her starts to become more chaotic. With a serial killer on the loose, Do Bong Soon needs to decide if she will keep a low profile or use her powers for the better good while also falling in love on the way.

While You Were Sleeping

Again, an obvious one, but it has to be watched!! Like strong woman, I was a little apprehensive of this one. Mainly because I hadn't heard good things about Suzy's acting before this came out. But it really surprised me and I really loved it! I'm a sucker for anything crime related, so with a really cute love story as well, it was amazing!! It has really good chemistry and likable characters. The second male lead is also amazing!! I usually don't get second male lead syndrome, but damn I felt it even though I also really loved the main lead. I can't really find any faults with it.

The story surrounds two people who can see the future through dreaming. This includes good and bad things. When the female reporter about dying while on the job, she quite her job to try and changes her fate. A prosecuter move across the street from her, initially they do not get on and their bond starts to grow. Together, they use both of their skills and their power to help change the future and solve crimes along the way. They also soon realise that this is not the first time they have crossed paths.

Psychopath Diary

I cannot recommend this drama enough!! Honestly, it is so underrated!!! Yoon Shi Yoon's performance is incredible, he really embodies the role here. It is so funny, and sweet. You also see a serial killer low key but high key fall in love with the male lead, so there is major gay vibes. The only issue I have with it is, I wish there was a little romance involved. But it is a not a major want.

The story surrounds a pushover who is working at a stocks company. After a major issue arises, he becomes the Scapegoat of the company and is being blamed for it, even though he tried to prevent it. Due to this, he decides that he will end his life. On the way to do this, he witnesses a murder and accidentally picks up the serial killer's diary. While trying to escape, he gets hit by a car and gets amnesia. When he wakes up and reads the diary, he believes that he is the serial killer.

Honestly, please watch this drama, it is so so so funny, the chemistry of the whole cast is incredible. It also possibly has one of my favourite villians in any drama.

Your Honor / Dear Judge

Yes, I am a simp Yoon Shi Yoon. He is just so good and thus role just confirms it! His acting is incredible, king of the double roles! He plays twins and you really tell when either pop up on screen which one he is. This is a really wholesome drama that makes you cry. It has some really sweet moments in it, the leads have such good chemistry. This only issues with this one is that the ending felt rushed. I hate that the TV company changed it from 20 eps to 16 eps.

The story follows a set of twins. Twin A is a top judge in Korea, who is incredibly smart and is living a rich life. Twin B is a criminal who has been screwed over multiple times by the justice system and Twin A. Their mother always sides with A and will tell B not to bother him. When A goes missing, B goes undercover and takes his brothers place. He soon learns about the corrupt world of the court system and his brother. B meets a law student who is meant to be shadowing A. Like B, she has also been affected by the corrupt system and is wanting to be a judge to convict those who have wronged her. Together they fight the system while also falling in love.

Because This is Our First Life

This is a slice of life drama so will have some heavy moments in it. But on the whole, it is just so lovely and cute. The acting is incredible, they really take on the role. It also has one of the best female friendships which is not toxic, they all genuinely care for eachother and want eachother to achieve their dreams. It also has some true badass moments in it as well! I feel like all slice of life dramas have this, but it does have some frustrating moments where the characters are almost purposely making their life's difficult

The story focuses on a woman who is a drama script writer. Due to her patriarchal family who always favour her brother and being let down by her crush, she wants to move out. She ends up moving in with a friend of a friend of a friend. It is to her surprise that the person who she is moving in with is a man who is very much stuck in his own ways and likes to stick to routine. Due to their own desires to be on their own, they decide to get married to relieve the pressure that their families are giving them. This (of course) causes issues and both have to learn about their new feelings for eachother while trying to get through the struggles of life.

Thirty but Seventeen

This drama is the definition of wholesome and cute. I feel that while I was watching it, it went by so quickly and I always had a smile on my face. The romance is so cute and lovely and you could tell they really cared about eachother. The side characters were also amazing and sweet. Honestly, the acting is incredible. The female lead does an amazing job.

The story follows woman who as a child was involved in a bus accident and fell into a coma. She wakes up over ten years later and learns that her family have stopped coming to see her. While on the search for her family, she resides with a man and his brother who are now living in her old family home. The two soon learn that there are more connected than they thought. With the man trying to push her away, the more his feelings grow for her.

Introverted Boss

This is a revenge to love story. It on the whole is a really cute drama where you get to see the leads grow for the better. The acting is incredible and you really fall in love with the leads and the support cast (except for the second lead). It is not a perfect drama, but it is a really easy watch with an interesting story.

The female lead is a stage actress who quits her job to work at a marketing firm. This firm happens to be where her sister used to work. She is out to get revenge against the CEO of the company who she blames for her sister's death. She learns that the CEO is extremely introverted and becomes confused by how he was responsible for her sister's death. As the story goes by, she becomes more intrigued by him and focuses less on revenge and more on helping him open up.

Vincenzo

Ahhhhh, how do express my love for this one!! It is just amazing!! The story was so well thought out and the actors did a fantastic job. It was so satisfying to watch, I wanted to be a member of the mafia lol. The villians were also incredible, like I just love this drama so much. Like Your Honor, the only issue with this one is that the ending felt rushed.

The story surrounds a Korean man who was adopted into an Italian family and became the consiglerie of the mafia. After an issue with his adoptive family, he travels back to Korea in search an insane amount of gold bars which happens to be underneath an unsuspecting block of flats. He then gets involved with a major legal court case with a pharmaceutical company. As he delves deeper into the case, dark secrets start to get revealed.

[watchathon]

The 2nd Day of Christmas

In case you’re finding this post just by browsing the tags I’ve used, this is the Watchathon, a blog where I watch a movie or TV show with a short blog post where I write down my thoughts as I watch. Each new thought starts with a hyphen and a bolded first word.

- Like so.

Right now, I’m doing the 12 Days of Christmas, a 12-day-long Christmas special where each day is a different Christmas movie or special decided by a randomizer. And today... *clears throat*

 On the 2nd Day of Christmas, the randomizer gave to me...

Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation! Boy, between this and Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer for the 1st day, we’re really starting off with a bang of nostalgia, aren’t we? Phineas and Ferb was one of my favorite cartoons as a kid, and I know the same can be said for a lot of you. 

And seeing as I loved Phineas and Ferb so much, I always looked forward to the Christmas special airing on Disney Channel. It was my favorite cartoon and my favorite holiday, both rolled into one! But does Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation still hold up after all this time?

...Yes. Yes, it does. Before I even watch it again, I know the answer is yes. The rest of the series holds up, why wouldn’t the same be true for this special?

But why does it hold up? What did I miss as a kid that I’ll notice as an adult? Let’s find out as I present to you, my thoughts on Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation:

(NOTE FROM THE FUTURE: I wrote this quite a while before the 1st Day of Christmas and all other Days of Christmas, as I didn’t have a copy of Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer at the time. Hence why this post uses the old format of me just writing down my thoughts as I go with a separate Final Thoughts section.)

- First things first, the theme song. Oh, I just adore the normal theme song. But this festive variant just sends tingles down my spine, starting with an intro sung in the style of a Christmas carol.

- I never thought as a kid that I would end up relating to Candace so much. I mean, not in terms of gifts for romantic partners (aromantic pride!) but I’ve known my little sister all her life and even I have second thoughts about the Christmas gift I have planned for her. That’s not even getting into Christmas gifts intended for friends...

- Linda really knows how to distract Candace from gift-getting anxiety, huh?

- Aw, Candace, don’t be so mean to your little brothers! Of course they believe in Santa, they’re only... hmm... Maybe, like, ten? Eleven?

- Of course Phineas and Ferb idolize Santa. We’re talking about two little kids who can and will do stuff like building rollercoasters or traveling the entire world in just one day.

- Now I’m just wondering what was on that piece of paper...

- Even the Perry the Platypus theme song is getting into the Christmas spirit!

- D’aww, Perry’s smile is so cute when the snowman comes to life~

- I wouldn’t expect a death in this show, let alone this show’s Christmas special...

- The OWCA Christmas Party looks like a ton of fun.

- Isabella’s stolen catchphrase sense is tingling!

- What Does He Want?: This is a great song about gift-getting stress, and the perfect musical number to give to Candace in a Christmas special. I am so glad that Disney+ has the extended version of this special, ‘cause I couldn’t imagine missing out on this.

- This is just the kind of thing that I’d expect certified cinnamon roll Phineas Flynn and his brother to do for Santa.

- I like the jingle bells in the background of the Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc. jingle.

- I Really Don’t Hate Christmas: Boy, this is the perfect villain song for a sympathetic antagonist come the Christmas special. I mean, if he did hate Christmas, it would just be so hard to see him as at all nice. 

Especially if, say, he found himself in a position of authority where he was expected to celebrate Christmas and it was somehow revealed that he (at best) was incredibly irritated about Christmas...

Jokes aside, though, this is a nice Christmas song for Doofenshmirtz. 

-  I like that Phineas and Ferb are getting not only their friends, but the entire town of Danville involved in their plan.

- Candace Flynn, master of deception.

- Wow, that’s really quick delivery on Dr. D’s Christmas wish!

- It’s so sad to see Phineas getting the news that everyone in Danville has been counted as naughty, especially when Candace says that it was his fault for the plan to thank Santa, and that he and Ferb have been naughty all summer.

- Even Perry’s annoyed by the Christmas carols.

- Where Did We Go Wrong?: This song is the big tear jerker moment of the special, right here. Maybe one of the top saddest moments of the whole series.

- I wasn’t expecting the elves to be this small!

- I like this explanation of how the Naughty and Nice Lists work.

- Did Santa get Perry that Sal Tuscany CD just to foil Doofenshmirtz’s plot? How did he know about the plot? Why did the partridge untie the lights around Perry just as Doofenshmirtz turned up the volume, is it, like, a secret Santa agent and that was its cue?

...Okay, I’m so overthinking this.

- I don’t know how I forgot about this, but it makes so much sense: Phineas and Ferb’s solution to Santa not coming to Danville? To take over for him.

- Buford’s Christmas wish is so sweet. I would’ve expected him to wish for some big (and expensive) Christmas present, but at the end of the day, all he really wants is for his friends to think of him as nice.

- Christmas Is Starting Now: This is such a good song for the climax of the special.

- I like this scene of Phineas, Ferb and friends meeting Santa. Much as I enjoyed the idea of them taking over for Santa in Danville, it would’ve felt like there was something missing if they never actually got to meet Santa, if Santa never actually went to the rest stop or saw the giant “Thank you, Santa”.

- This scene of Jeremy and Candace exchanging gifts is so romantic. It’s reminiscent of the old “Gift of the Magi” story, but with a happier ending.

- This is a great song for the end credits. It’s just so wholesome to see everyone celebrating Christmas, even some minor characters that rarely show up like Meap, or running gag characters like the farmer and his wife.

- And we end with the revelation that the snowman didn’t die. He presumably went on to live his whole snowman existence for the rest of the winter, and all that happened before was a close call with a produce truck.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I was positively right about this Christmas special holding up. It has the same laugh-out-loud sense of humor that any episode of Phineas and Ferb does, combined with a healthy dose of the wholesome Christmas spirit.

Nobody has a sad ending in this special. Even Doofenshmirtz, although he lost, got his Christmas wish: A reason to hate Christmas. And that’s something I appreciate, that everybody got what they wanted on Christmas day.

It’s just... pleasant. Watching this special, feeling the spirit of the season with the characters I know and love.

...Though, I am left wondering what’ll happen when I eventually cover Phineas and Ferb for this blog. Maybe I’ll just reblog this?

[bettycooperoutfitwatch]

4x05 Chapter Sixty-Two: Witness for the Prosecution

Be forewarned: Sweater discourse. 

(I merely include this moment because Betty is technically in the frame.)

But contemporary Betty begins the episode in a pink-and-white knit top with short sleeves. She’ll end the ep in a pink-and-white knit with short sleeves, too, but standby.   

Betty wore this knit top to help Jughead torch the trailer-turned-Fizzle-Rocks-lab. We get a better glimpse this time around (glad to know it survived all that soot and ash and car sex.)

Love the little two button-detail on the rear-sleeves.

Ten Little Boy Scouts. 

Well! I guess you gotta dress the part. 

Off the top of my head, I can’t recall another instance of Betty in this very true-blue shade. It’s more of an Archie color. But the FBI has a brand, so. 

(It’s delicate. But potent.)

We get such extreme and vivid close-ups during Betty’s serial-killer-savant moment that I felt compelled to include them. Love the eyeshadow.  

She pairs the Junior FBI polo with a dark skirt (possibly high-waisted shorts, but I’m leaning skirt.)

The Legend of the River Witch. (In red.)

(Bret wears black crew socks, he’s the worst.)

Purple and green! Betty’s all over the range in this episode, fittingly. The ribbing and the scalloping of the pink collar are all motifs we’ve seen before. It reminds me of the scalloped and ribbed top she wore in 219.

Purple pants though, that’s new!

This is the first we’ve seen the bag, but it is a cousin of sorts to the one that appeared during the Stonewall tour in 402. 

The existence of a Dr. Patel in the Riverdale universe leads us to conclude, logically, that somewhere out there in the greater Maple State there exists a Raj Patel. (But when was Riverdale ever logical?)

Betty’s the only girl in this Junior FBI Program (so Kevin’s odds of finding a gay guy here are decent-ish?), but she seems to be the only one with a kid size polo. 

Girl zooms right outta there in her white tennies. 

I love old yearbooks. I cannot tell if he is épée or foil, fencing squad pls come thru (I actually think it might be inconclusive given so much of the diff is in the weight of the weapon, no?) 

FPJ I could get it. LOOK at that James Dean curl. That Jones fam furrowed brow. The out-from-under gaze. 

(Also, these names.)

Betty’s subconscious! We haven’t really been here since 209? Lots of visual 209 connections in this episode... Betty spent 209 trying to hunt down and stop the Black Hood, and when she and Archie seemingly finally did...she felt like it wasn’t the end of the story (and she was right.) 

Anyway—short overalls are a Betty classic at this point, and she’s paired them with a pink t-shirt and her pink low-tops. 

405.

209.

I’m not going to engage with the fact that she’s wearing a bra/lette to bed (this is such a network TV thing)—but these two shirts are really similar. Their color difference might just be slightly too disparate to be down to a difference in color grading—but I do think we’ve all noticed a difference in the color and light in season 4 versus season 2. (Oh how I long for the clear tones of season 1, if only for the clarity of screen caps.)  

I love this whole party scene, but doesn’t it feel like it might end up being significant beyond this episode? 

Anyway, back to Betty the Serial Killer Whisperer. 

It’s a good thing she didn’t burn them when Alice suggested it. 

Yellow Keds. 

Heart earrings 💙 Or triangles, idk. 

Little Betty! At one point, pink-and-red seemed to be connected to Betty’s relationship with Archie, but here I’m honestly not drawing those kind of conclusions. This scene has a different purpose. 

Little Betty’s wardrobe is consistent between Teenage Betty’s dream and her retelling of the Caramel Incident to Kevin. Of course, it’s simply easier to have a single wardrobe for these things, but Riverdale’s made the decision to mix it up before (albeit on higher budget episodes.)

Let’s interpret this costuming consistency as the narrative giving Betty the benefit of the doubt. She’s able to see some things clearly, even if she’s repressed some deeply upsetting shit her father forced her to do. I’m having Old Yeller flashbacks. 

I don’t even know if I’m implying anything, I just really like the visual parallel and that I’m being forced to think about it. 

The Haunting of Maple Manor.

👀

Again with the 209 echoes. 

The Secret of the Old Windmill.

(only $1.95!)

“Lil Forsythe III”

It perhaps takes a special kind of zeal to take your half-brother’s confidence that he, too, possesses the serial killer genes and decide not that it means you’re gonna be just fine—but that instead, he’s sus. 

But I dunno, gotta break some eggs in order to make an omelette, etc. 

I’ll just repeat that genes are not destiny.

Stripes, ribbed knit, short sleeves, pinks and blues—all very Betty. 

However, not sure we’ve ever seen Betty in a baseball cap before, even in previous investigation modes! 

I think this might be her purple non-investigation jacket that we first saw in 213 (and most recently in 314.) It’s the sturdy jacket she wears when she finds herself in...less savory efforts, shall we say. 

But! Another flash-forward!

Poor Archie.

“What’s happening?”

“Wait are we getting up?”

“Okay okay I’ll get up too.”

This sweater is, apparently, divisive. I’ve actually already talked about it a bit in response to an ask. It reminds me of something a Sweater Girl would wear, and I find it really interesting to consider Betty in that context. A sweater is ‘wholesome,’ but a Sweater Girl is seen as sexual—and therefore as something dangerous and corrupting. A patriarchal society fears nothing greater than a woman with some agency. FP storms into this classroom and declares Betty—this whole trio—to be under arrest for murdering Jughead.

This sweater is a bit like Archie’s dial television, or his rotary phone. It’s almost so anachronistic as to be noticeable. 

To be brief—there’s something about this sweater and the context of this scene that gives this whole flash-forward a very strange vibe. 

Everyone is so shifty-eyed, they have no poker-faces. FP barges in here with two goons behind him, shot Wes Anderson-style. There’s a comics vibe to it. Coen-esque. 

But also I just think it’s something Betty would wear: it’s pink, it’s got a Peter Pan collar, it’s got some lace trim. It’s Betty Cooper in disguise as Betty Cooper, and it’s not the first time she’s tried that. 

Summary: I think I’ve got a count of 9—that includes 3 separate instances of the Junior FBI uniform, Teenage Betty’s dream outfit, and the flash forward—but doesn’t include Little Betty. So let’s make it 10. 

Is Betty a River Vixen??: Again, just on Jug’s wall 

That backpack?: Yes, multiple appearances of Backpack 2.0.

The floggingink Memorial Peter Pan Collar Count: The Sweater!

Best outfit: u know wut I’m gonna be staunch and say The Sweater. (I also really love V’s floral crop top in that scene.)

[saezutte]

yuletide letter 2020

Dear Yuletide Writer, 

Oh, hello again. I didn’t see you there.

This year, I have transcended earthly desires and struggled to find any fandoms to request. I want nothing. I wish my cat was nominated as a Yuletide fandom so we could all write stories about her life. 

Nonetheless, I have some small requests!!!! I believe you can make me happy in ways I’ve never been happy before. I trust you. Happy end of 2020, the cursed year, I hope you are blessed with rest. 

My AO3: saezutte

My public twitter: juncassis

My tumblr: here but I do not use tumblr much anymore, sorry.

Do Not Wants

[note: I have no actual triggers, nothing you can write for me will make me any more depressed or anxious than I already am]

Death (of major/important/beloved characters)

Suicide attempts, self-harm

Rape (outright; OK with dub con, manipulation, noncon short of violent-rape-for-violence-only)

Eating disorders, body shaming

Angst without a happy ending, really too much angst at all

Established relationship

Cheating

Actual Unrequited Feelings

Pregnancy (the actual process; breeding kink is fine)

Scat or watersports

Hard BDSM or any kink complicated enough that the characters would have to discuss it ahead of time

Homophobia as a plot device

Excessive attention to identity or politics, sometimes known as “issue fic”

Note on AUs: I am ok with the usual popular AU tropes but I do not want them combined, e.g. A/B/O is fine and coffeeshop is fine, but I don’t want an omega barista getting his scent all over the lattes he makes for some alpha lawyer who comes in every morning. (Ridiculous example, but you get the point.) For AU/modern settings of fandoms with magic, I often like it when the magic is still there in the AU setting. I also like AUs which maintain the general outlines of the character’s relationships, like if the characters are childhood friends in canon, I like to keep that intact.

General preferences:

I am a pretty basic bitch when it comes to fanfic: I like it when two clueless boys pine for each other through some shenanigans and then lock eyes/lips/dicks.

If you fed a neural net every fanfic written in Stargate Atlantis fandom between 2005 and 2010, the result would probably be some nonsense I’d enjoy.

I love many tropes. Tropes! Bed-sharing. Sharing an umbrella. WASHING EACH OTHER’S HAIR? Confessions where they are having an argument and then one of them yells “Because I love you!”

I love situations where characters are forced to spend time in close proximity and find themselves with feelings.

I love fakeness: fake dating, fake marriage, arranged marriage, marriage of convenience, fake lust induced by sex pollen or heats, aliens make them have sex, whatever.

I love porn, if you want to just write me some quick porn, that’s great. I do prefer (per the established relationship DNW above) that it be first time or get together porn. I know that can make it hard to just write porn, but I don’t need much to be convinced of sex.

Nirvana in Fire (TV)

Requested characters: Mei Changsu, Xiao Jingyan

Note: I also love Lin Chen so if you want to write some MCS/LC or LC/Fei Liu or LC/MCS/JINGYAN OT3??? go for it. I am also a Nihuang/Xia Dong shipper so if you want to put that in… somehow… my gay little heart would be happy. I also like Nihuang/MCS/XJY or MNH/MCS + MCS/XJY but I’d like the focus on the men in that case!

I watched this show because someone recommended this show to me as, like, Chinese Game of Thrones but good. I think it’s genuinely one of the best TV shows I’ve ever seen. I love plots and revenge and good people doing bad things for justice. Even the ending is good for me though obviously it left me unsatisfied on several points.

I am deeply into sickly doomed genius MCS and every time he got even more deeply ill, I fell deeper in love. Every time he coughs up blood, my heart would race. I love his terrible schemes and stupid self-sacrificing choices. I find watching this show very soothing because I knew he would always come out on top in his schemes. I trust him. I love handsome clueless Jingyan and how he’s just so good (it’s terrible.) I love his mom and how much he cares for her. I love him but he is useless, he needs his Xiao Shu and I need fanfic to restore him to him.

Note: So my limited research on this says that male/male sex practices were accepted and well-known in this time period in history, so I really don’t want them thinking “oh no what are these weird gay feelings.” There are other barriers to them being together, like a ruler or official being overly attached to one person was considered very bad. I am also a big supporter of the socially-approved polygamy of this time period, so I don’t need Jingyan to refuse to sleep with his wife or something out of loyalty to MCS—he has to do it! Or all their plans are ruined! And he can enjoy spending time with her or the concubines without affecting his feelings for MCS—you could explore that complexity in fic if you like.Prompts:

Mei Changsu isn’t dead, he’s hiding again, Jingyan searches for him

They start having sex during the series, the ending is averted [somehow]

Post-canon, MCS is alive and Jingyan hides him in the palace with his consort/concubines to keep him on as an advisor without anyone objecting

omega verse where MCS was an alpha before he “died" but an omega after he came back.

AU where male/male marriage is customary (maybe aristocratic men are expected to have one male and one female consort?) and so MCS decides the best way to influence and help Jingyan in the capital is by becoming his wife or one of his concubines

anything just get them together and happy.

Tokyo Babylon 

Characters: Subaru, Seishiro

I read Tokyo Babylon as a child and I imprinted on it deeply, now I love politics, ghosts, stalking, age differences, magic. Within the CLAMP canon, I love TB for its episodic focus on smaller stories, the commentary on contemporary society, and Seishiro being an outright creep. I love onmyojutsu and exorcism and Subaru’s innocence getting ruined. I love the city of Tokyo (where I currently live! but do not be intimidated, I don’t know the city well because we’ve been in quarantine most of the time I’ve been here and won’t judge you for details.) I’m open to fics that comply with X canon or not.

With Seishiro/Subaru: It’s bad but I love that predator/prey dynamic where the predator ends up being hopelessly entranced/obsessed/in love with the prey. My read was always that Seishiro lost the bet and couldn’t admit it—he’s just, you know, killing twins to avoid dealing with his feelings! Relatable! (?!?!) Subaru, I love particularly in his evolution from innocent to adult in love to betrayed. I’d prefer post-TB fic to during-TB fic (so Subaru knows Seishiro’s deal and loves him anyway.) I am also a fan of Hokuto and you should feel free to bring her back to life to troll if you desire.

Prompts:

AU or reincarnation plot where they are Heian period rival onmyoji

Because this is such a heavily place-based series, if you are a writer who likes to play with details of real life locations, I’d be interested in versions of different “Babylons” if you have an idea for it.

Tragic first times post-TB lol

Seishiro is a virgin the first time they have sex

I’d probably love some fucked up dub con for this, however you want to play it

Honestly, do whatever you want as long as you don’t fuck me over like CLAMP did.  

プリティーリズム | Pretty Rhythm

Characters: Hiro, Koji

Pretty Rhythm came to me at a weird time in my life. I lived in a house of spiders in Yokohama and did nothing for eight weeks. King of Prism cheer screening transformed my life and I didn’t even know what it was. Then I got weirdly deep into Rainbow Live and the Pretty Rhythm franchise overall. I am a scientist of prism theory. Idk why I like it, it’s just wholesome and crazy and there are penguins and DJ Koo. I love every TRF song because I’m a 90s gay at heart. It’s truly the end point of all media development. The prism world represents the fearsome power of virtual/digital+real hybrid life. Yes, I know I’ve lost my mind. I went to one of the real Prism Stone stores, the one in Harajuku.

Hiro Hayami: one time a fujoshi asked me to describe what types of anime boys I like and the first type I listed was “prince but bad” and my example was Hiro. Hiro is the crazy gay stalker disaster of my heart. He overcomes great hardship to achieve his dreams and foolishly falls in love along the way and he does everything wrong and Koji keeps leaving him. The moment when Hiro is crowned King of Prism in Pride the Hero was one of the top ten moments of my life. I made friends who don’t even know Japanese watch the movie unsubtitled with me on my birthday.

With Koji, I’m a bit guilty of “I want to give the character I love the most the character he loves the most” so I do like him less (it would be impossible to like him equal to how much I love Hiro). But he has many good points that make him perfect, like how he also sucks underneath his chill exterior. I love to see him go apeshit.

I also love everyone else in Rainbow Live, no exceptions. I love all the girls. If you do write the girls, I would prefer they not be paired with the OTR boys. I would prefer they be paired with each other, any combo is good.

Prompts:

this is the sort of pairing where I love fic where they split up and then 15 years later meet again as washed up has-beens but there’s still time for them to find each other

Canon-compliant companion piece showing the “background” of them getting together romantically over the course of the series.

AU where Koji is a prism world fairy sent to inspire Hiro but Hiro is kind of a mess

dirty, dirty porn… let Hiro get fucked

I have a lot of doujinshi with multiple copies of Hiro (a la the Mugen Hug jump) but I’d like something where Hiro gets overwhelmed by many Kojis

They start fake dating as a publicity stunt and have to keep doing it… especially good if it starts when Koji is at max hating Hiro level

Ring Fit Adventure 

Characters: Dragaux, Ring

Keeping this one simple: I like to be encouraged to exercise by a storyline and a trainer that never mentions weight loss, lol. The world is fun and pretty and I love that buff dragon.

AND THEN THE PAIRING. I’m sure Nintendo has some market research that told them a certain subset of users are very motivated by enemies who seemed to once be lovers or best friends. I am that user.

What is up with these two? They were so in love! Now Dragaux is a horrible swole bro (not in a good bro way) and Ring is training me instead? I can’t compete with their love. It’s the only time the game makes me feel inadequate.

You can keep Dragaux and Ring as dragon/ring-like as you like. Obviously I’m down with dragon fucking but you can also make him a human fucker too. I play with Ring on the masculine voice setting for maximum BL vibes as I exercise, but, you know, it’s a ring, I don’t think it has gender. Feel free to incorporate the player or other random characters too.

Prompts:

AU where Dragaux and Ring owned a gym together and Dragaux sold out to a big chain of gyms

What happened between them when Dragaux was still captured, pre-game? Bondage… literally??

Ring is always bossing me to train, but I’m really doing all the work. Why doesn’t he fight Dragaux on his own for once?? (because the sexual tension is too powerful.)

Tragic flashback to their dramatic break-up ending with their present day reconciliation.

Player/Dragaux/Ring threesome??? I’ve unlocked the sexercises???

With all fandoms, you are free to disregard the prompts and do your own thing. If you’re not sure about me, you can probably dm seriesera on twitter, she knows what I’m into. 

Well, I suppose that’s all for now. Please stalk me online to get more details on my bullshit. I hope you have a nice time.

Best,

Caitlin 

[nautiscarader]

2019 in animation - very selected summary

So, I dunno if anyone’s noticed, but this year was crazy strong when it comes to animation, both in terms of amount and quality of it. No matter what type you liked - traditional...

...3D...

...cell-shaded...

...hyper-realistic...

 - oh, wait, wait, no, my mistake, that’s clearly live-action. 

Anyway, no matter what type of animation is your favourite, this year gave you something. and I’m gonna go chronologically, listing those that I have been able to see. Keep in mind, day only has 24 hours, so I couldn’t see every new season or premiere (for example, I had no interest in OK KO, or She-Ra). Some spoilers below. And Gifs. LOTS OF gifs.

In January: we were still riding on the Spiderverse bandwagon from last year,, which culminated with an Oscar in February. And though as I’ve said, the movie would have worked better imho as a, say, Netflix series, as only two of the spider-people were properly fleshed out, I have to admit, it was a well-earned prize.

Then we were hit by the finale of Steven Universe, and while some complained about the another redemption of cosmic regime, it was an incredibly satisfying ending to a great cartoon... so much so that a whole movie and an epilogue series was made.

plus, it had a segment animated by James Baxter, so it’s automatic win..

January also blessed us with a reboot of another old-forgotten property, Carmen Sandiego, with her second season arriving in October. And it proved that reboots do make sense, but only if you actually do something with it. The story was fresh, creative, and yet, similar in its serialised form to capture the imagination of viewers. Also, grappling hooks for the win.

February was the month of dragons. Not only we got the conclusion of How to Train Your Dragon franchise, but Netlfix gave us second season of The Dragon Prince. While I still consider HTTYD 1 as the best movie of the franchise, as it cleverly told the story of a conflict without any obvious villain, HTTYD 3 was a satisfying conclusion, strengthened by the Homecoming special in November. 

TDP S2 on the other hand, did everything season 1 did, except better. For once, the studio finally broke their piggy bank and bought a new graphics card, so the choppy 15FPS animation of S1 is gone. The story got darker, more mature, yet whimsical, and it only made us hungry for more. Luckily, S3 was just around the corner.

March gave us season 2 of Craig of the Creek. I have to admit, I missed out on this cartoon in 2018, and it was a humongous mistake. CotC is quite possibly the most wholesome cartoon out there, telling amazing story about a boy, his friends, and his family, glorifying the mundane adventures in the creek to truly epic proportions. The family is especially important part, I do not remember a cartoon where bonds between family members were as well written as here. Definitely a must-watch if you have missed it as well.

On 8th of March, the International Women’s day, DC Superhero Girls 2019, aka My Little Pony But Humans And With Superpowers, started, and it was a blast. Creator. Lauren Faust, has once again proven that whatever she touches turns into gold. The shorts were funny, clever, and changed just enough of the DC universe to feel familiar, yet show us new, interesting scenarios. 

 In April, Missing Link had its premiere, showing that traditional, stop motion animation not only has place in modern times, but it can deliver spectacular scenes, though of course, we expected nothing less of studio Laika.

In May, one of Disney’s long-running series, Star vs The Forces of Evil had its finale, and that brings us to the first screech of the list. Many people complained about the direction the show has taken, some claiming it has gone off-track in S3, some saying it was S4 that dropped the quality. Some, like me, saw nothing wrong with it, but the finale let people dissatisfied. If anything, it was too short, and definitely could use an epilogue movie that would tie some of the remaining plot threads in something bigger than one single pan-shot. 

Rest in piece, laser puppies

Wait, they’re alive? Well, then... rest in piece, Hekapoo and her puppies.

This month also presented a first contender for this Summer’s line-up, Twelve Forever. The cartoon took us into wild, bizarre land of imagination, and offered quite a few very mature lessons about growing up and acknowledging one’s responsibilities. It also provided much needed representation, both in terms of colour and sexuality. 

Sadly, amidst scandals with its creator, the show was canned, though it’s also Netflix’s fault for not marketing it enough.

A-and maybe the show was just a tad too... creepy....

Also somewhere in May some Games might have been lost and some Thrones burned, but no one cares about it anymore. i think it was popular for a while, though.

However, 12 Forever was just a start. June gave us Amphibia, my personal top-bingeable cartoon of the year. Disney has hit a jackpot, giving us an incredibly creative fantasy show with rich mythology and enough emotional conflict to create fantastic storytelling. The only slight complain was the scheduling, as episodes aired daily, meaning the season was over by the end of the month. But honestly, the amount of humour and adventures with Anne in the forg world we got compensates that thousandfold. Book 2, coming in 2020, can only makes thing more interesting. 

Going for a hat-trick, in August we got the premiere of a cartoon that I was betting would be my personal favourite, Infinity Train... Until I learned of its schedule, even weirder than Amphibia’s. While Amphibia took a right turn, and gave us 20 episodes, a perfect amount for both plot and filler stories, Infinity Train... turned out to be a mini-series with just ten episodes, airing daily, two per night. And that, in my opinion, was a fatal mistake. Not only we now know that the story is not over, as Season 2 arrives in January, but the short episodes and its density gave very little time to leave an impact on us. If it was at least spaced out, then maybe I wouldn’t be so judgemental, but for me it was a blow that deflated the balloon I was clinging to since 2016 pilot. Still, there is more to come, and the story was more than interesting, so we’ll see if I get used to the pocket mini-story arcs.

September. Remember Steven Universe? That cartoon that ended? SIKE, HAVE A TV MOVIE. And by gods, old and new, what a phenomenal movie it was. A musical telling its own, contained story of betrayal, trust and finding yourself, based on Rebecca Sugar’s mis-adventure with a phone that reset itself... I have seen this movie at least ten times, and its OST is one I come back to constantly on Spotify. The songs are amazing, catchy, incredibly-well written, deep, and, as usual, send very adult messages about growing up and finding one’s identity, which SU was already famous for. Must watch.

Continuing the theme of reboots that actually make sense, Ducktales finished its second season after duck-bombs in March and May, with a heart-breaking story of Della Duck and humongous finale, extending DT’s universe to other Disney Afternoon shows. Season 3 promises even more, and DT is a golden standard of making a reboot that stays faithful to a more than half-a-century old material, while adding enough material to keep things fresh and funny for modern audience. What I’m saying is, Disney could really learn from Disney (pictured below).

But while some things start, some have to finish. October saw the end of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, a show that has taken Internet by the storm in 2010 and...

...okay, cringy brony things aside, this was a clever re-imagining of the decades-old property, and its popularity, especially amongst the people outside the target demography is a proof of its quality. The ending was perfectly serviceable, nothing that stood out, in my opinion, but it definitely didn’t disappoint either. MLP FiM will live in history as the cartoon about pastel tiny horses that made adult men cry and gave them enough passion to create years of of visual crack. And porn. Lots of porn.

November:  Just In case if one season of human and elf adventures was enough, The Dragon Prince Season 3 arrived in November, and it provided a thrilling conclusion to its first smaller story arc. Though I wish the season was longer, and it dived into the history of Elves’ and Humans’ animosities, I would be lying if I said I didn’t binge-watch it all in one sitting, gripping my chair. 

Do you like Green Eggs and Ham? Yes, yes, I do, Sam-I-am. Question: how do you take a classic poem, made purposefully of limited vocabulary, and turn it into a thirteen episode series with a beginning, middle, and end? The answer: You add bunch of weird stuff and the mother of all complicated backstories... at least by the original’s standards. And here’s the thing: this is the first Dr Seuss’ adaption where it works. Somehow the writers were able to stretch each verse of the famous poem into a surprisingly emotional story about friendship, losing and restoring hope, as well as following your dreams. Plus, it gave us Fargo-esque team of Bad Guys. Come on. 

And just in time for Christmas season, we were blessed with Klaus, a clear contender for a Christmas classic in my opinion. This STUNNINGLY beautiful traditionally animated original Netflix movie is a very, very clever reinterpretation of St. Nick’s mythos, telling a deep, and very realistic story of greed and selfishness, and how can one turn their life around by changing their life, one present at a time.

We’re about to end the year, so HOW ABOUT SOME EMOTIONAL TRAUMA, KIDS? Yes, Steven Universe Future is here, and from the looks of it, Steven’s problems are just beginning, since they mature with him. The show’s too real, man. However, it also provided much needed levity, giving us a familiar taste. Nothing more to say, as the show is still airing, and it will surely give us more emotional moments.   

And that’s a wrap for 2019. As I’ve said, it is not exhaustive by any means, and from the looks of it, 2020 is gonna be as packed as its prequel. So yeah, the world might be on fire, but at least we got some nice cartoon to binge-watch.

Happy new year everyone! At least I have time until 6th of January when the first episode of Infinity Train Season two arriWHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S OUT ALREADY

[edgeofmyniall]

Part One

I want to kiss him.

Again and again. Over and over, I want to kiss him. I want to kiss his lips, his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, his neck, chest, God, anywhere he will let me, I want to kiss him. I want to feel his lips roll with mine, his tongue slipping around mine, his teeth dragging my lower lip out. I want to feel his hot breath on me like a fire burning through the cold night. I want to feel like my body is being electrocuted by lightning with his touch.

But I can’t.

Niall is driving, and it’s quite dangerous to be making out while on the highway. I’d rather not put our lives at risk so I’d best wait until we get to the cabins. I hate how much I want to kiss him, it’s literally the only thing that’s on my mind. The way he tastes like mint and menthol cigarettes, even though I’ve never seen him smoke. Like the ashes after a fire, I want the reminder our kiss to smear into my memory. I never want to forget how I felt or the way he smiled at me as he hovered over my body.

Niall’s thumb mindlessly rubs against my skin as we turn off the highway. He’s been singing his favorite songs since we left Bend. I catch him stealing a look or two every now and then and I can’t help but think how lucky I am to have Niall in my life. I lift our intertwined hands to my lips and I plant a kiss on Niall’s rough knuckles. His calloused fingertips grip my hand tighter as I smile into his skin. We exit off the freeway, and it’s then when Niall finally speaks.

“Whatcha tinkin’ over der?” Niall’s accent is thick as he stops at the red light. He looks over to me and smiles- a comforting and wholesome grin that only appears when someone is content in life.

“Nothin’ really, just things,” I say slyly. I quirk up a brow and Niall pulls my hand towards his mouth. His soft lips gently kiss my knuckles. “You, mostly.”

“Me? Why ya thinkin’ ‘bout me?” The cars on the road perpendicular to us zoom across the bridge that is standing above the highway.

“‘Cause I can. You gonna stop me?” I ask, my sarcasm is thick. I can hear the turn indicator click waiting for the turn signal to motion us through.

“Maybe…” Niall leans closer to me and he cups my cheek pulling me closer to him. His thumb runs from my nose to my cheek as he kisses me. Slow and deep, something only high schoolers would do at a red light, and right now I feel like I’m back in the past like it was when he was kissing me. Niall lets go of my hand and runs his fingers through my hair. It isn’t until someone honks at us for taking too long a green light. Niall smiles at me while flipping the driver off behind us. He cups my chin with his two fingers and pulls me in again, but this time it was different. I was expecting a kiss, but what I got was Niall’s wide tongue licking my forehead. He laughs as he turns towards left towards the woods where our cabins are located.

“What was that for?” I ask, wiping my forehead with the palm of my hand.

“Yer just so damn cute, is all.” I blush. No one besides my mother has called me cute before and meant it. I bite my lower lip to suppress my ever growing smile. When I look at Niall, I feel alive. I feel like I matter. And I haven’t felt like that in years.

The ride to the cabin was short lived while we sang at the top of our lungs to every song that came on. There was a few songs that Niall intentionally turned down when the good part came on just so he could hear me scream the lyrics. I’d stick my tongue out at him and we’d start the cycle all over again. Our own routine that was special to us. We get up from the rented room of the night, pack our bags, head on the road, spend hours together just to stop somewhere else to sleep. I thought this trip would be horrible. I can’t to go home, but after last night- there’s no way I’m leaving. I want to experience more.

Then we get to the cabin, and I change my mind.

We get to the iron gate that hovers over the car. Niall punches the security code in, and the gates open up letting us drive through the leaf covered gravel driveway. It isn’t raining anymore, but the gray clouded sky still lingers over the lake like a concerned parent. It’s when Niall parks the car that I feel my stomach hit the ground. 

The “For Sale” sign swings slowly as the wind pushes it, and the foam “SOLD” sign is taped diagonally on the wooden post. Instead of two small cabins, there stood a two story wooden house that loomed over me. It was one single house. Not two, but one. I thought he sad he rented two cabins. I climb out of the car, and stand staring at the cabin. Niall lied to me.

“I thought you said you were renting the cabins? Where’s the other?” I quiz. I want to be as far away from NIall as possible at this moment.

“I am… I mean I will. Thought it’d be a good investment. And it looked like two cabins online. I didn’t know….”

“Seems like an irrational decision.” I’m short. Anger is building inside me, and I’m beginning to see red. I clench my fists, and take a deep breath in, hoping counting to ten would calm me down.

One.

I carelessly kick the gravel under my feet, and I hear Niall hum as he unlocks the car.

Two.

I look out to the yard. Green grass has grown over the flowers in the front garden. Two big trees are planted in the backyard with a hammock tied between each stump.

Three.

He can’t be that stupid. It’s one house. It couldn’t have looked like two cabins. He lied to me. What else has he lied about? Why did I let him kiss me?

Four.

“Townes…?” I don’t answer him. I can’t even look at him right now.

Five.

“This is kinda an impulse buy. Did you even check it out before?” I stare at the green tin roof that contrasts against the dark wood exterior. Lace curtains cover the windows.

Six.

Niall heaves the luggage and it lands on the ground. Just the thought of being in the same house with Niall until God knows when scares the ever living shit out of me.

Seven.

The birds chirp in the trees, and a woodpecker is banging its beak against a tree. The forest like terrain is truly beautiful.

Eight.

I hear the trunk door slam and I face Niall. His lips are pressed into a hard line and his brow is furrowed.

Nine.

“No, haven’t checked it out yet,” he pauses before speaking again. “Not sure why I bought it like this. I’m not really myself when I’m around you.”

Ten.

Before Niall could say anything else, I storm off. As the crunch of gravel swallows the silence between I swear I hear Niall defeatedly say, “I’m better.” The wooden porch creaks under my footsteps as I stomp to the door. It’s locked. Of course it is. I’m starting to feel like a Friday the 13th movie. I look under the mat for a key, but it’s hidden under a potted plant. Niall is lugging the bags when I slam the door in his face. “I’m not really myself when I’m around you.”

I’m greeted with a living room the size of my apartment. Couches and chairs are placed around a glass coffee table with a giant TV hung on the wood panelled wall. I see a bar and a kitchen behind the living room have hidden from a wall that is supporting the stairs. I quickly make my way up the wood panelled stairway and go to the furthest room away from Niall as I can. I don’t care what room I’m in. I only want to be alone. “I’m not really myself when I’m around you.” He lied to me. I should have known. I was so stupid for believing him.

I open up the door that stand directly in front of the stairs after puffing down the hallway. It’s a small bedroom. I slam the door and lock it, hoping Niall won’t bother me. The windows overlook the back deck and yard which is sitting fifty yards from Lake Victoria. The wooden back deck has a grill and a hot tub. Of course it has a fucking hot tub. I turn to the bed- a decent sized queen that is currently covered in a nineties floral bedding. I fall on top of the mattress as tears seem to form. “I’m not really myself when I’m around you.” He’s just like-

There was a soft knock at the door. Niall shuffles his feet and places my bags outside of my room. The doorknob jiggles, but Niall doesn’t force it.

“Hey Townes… look I’m sorry. I didn’t know, okay? I should have told ya that I bought it, but I- fuck,” I imagine he’s rubbing the back of his neck. “Just whenever yer ready ta talk, I’m here.” And then there’s nothing. I’m left with the lone silence of my room as it swallows me whole. I want to be anywhere but here. I let my tears fall as I shut my eyes and drift off to sleep. I dream of a blue eyed man whose grasping reach was a little too far for my touch. Our fingertips could feel our energies, but we could never touch.

I jolt awake to the booming sound of music coming through a speaker. It’s dark when I open my eyes as I wipe the sleep from my lashes. My tears have dried onto my cheeks while I was asleep. My body aches from laying across the bed with my legs dangling off the side of the bed. I ease off the bed slowly rubbing my lower back from the tension. I look through the lace curtains and on the deck, Niall is lounging in the hot tub, thumbing to some soft rock song. His head is rocking back and forth to the beat, and I can’t help but smile. I think I could talk to him now to let him know how I felt earlier. How lying to me makes my insides turn. I unlock the door and as I open it, I see my suitcase standing in front of my door. I roll it in and set it on my bed. I rummage through my clothes until I find my bathing suit. It’s a black and white striped one piece that ties at the back of my neck. I pin my hair up in a hair clamp, and I breathe in deep before heading out the bedroom door. The air in the cabin is warm- not too stuffy, but enough to get the chill out of the house. I should go back and get a t-shirt to pull over on, but I’m on a mission. If I go back now, I won’t go outside and tell Niall the facts at all. The stairs are sturdy and when rounding the corner, I see a jar of Jiffy’s creamy peanut butter setting on the counter.

I push the sliding glass door that exits from the kitchen to the back deck. Niall isn’t paying me any attention. He’s looking out into the forest as he admires the melody of an Eagles’ song that’s playing. The air is crisp and cold; I shiver from the wind chill. My hands rub my arms as I walk towards the hot tub. I’m all too aware that my thighs are jiggling a little more than usual and the back of my arms aren’t being warmed up by my hands due to the excess muscle. It isn’t until I’m at the edge of the standing hot tub that Niall looks at me.

“Any room for me?” Niall’s bright blue eyes shine under the porch light that shines out onto the back yard. The lake is behind the lot and I see the small waves that are coming ashore. The snow covered mountains are looming over the lake, and for me this conversation I’m about to have with Niall seems so much bigger than the physical mountains that are in front of me.

“Always.”

[fuckress]

I dare you to answer every single question in the "weird asks that say a lot" (tho you can decline the dare, or just answer one you really wanna answer)

me? declining a dare?? HELL NO! So buckle up, this is a long one!

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?–> coffee mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?–> hmmmmm… chocolate bars.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?–> neither really… there aren’t many stores where I can buy cotton candy just like that. So I guess bubblegum.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?–> quiet, reserved, smart. I think that’s about it.

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?–> actually cans. But I’ll settle for bottles if I can’t get cans

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?–> hm… a mix between tomboy, sportswear and formal.

7. earbuds or headphones?–> both. earbuds while on my phone and headphones while on my computer.

8. movies or tv shows?–> tv shows. Keeps me occupied for longer and I don’t have to pay attention too much.

9. favorite smell in the summer?–> that fresh breeze when at sea or ocean. Or, the smell before a thunder storm.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?–> dodgeball, along with basketball and volleyball. which doesn’t mean I’m any good at either, those were just the ones I didn’t suck as much lol

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?–> usually, I skip breakfast and have lunch. But if I want something, it’s usually a sandwich with either avocado, fish or something else.

12. name of your favorite playlist?–> uhh.. don’t really have one.

13. lanyard or key ring?–> both ^^ key ring to keep all keys i need together and a lanyard to lock them to my pants or something.

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?–> popcorn. I’m not entirely sure tbh, I’m simply eating popcorn now so that’s why it came to my mind lol

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?–> ooh, good question. hm… catcher in the rye is up there… life of pie too… killing mr griffin…. hm. most books from my english classes it seems. the german ones sucked.

16. most comfortable position to sit in?–> sitting on one leg with the other angled. it’s kinda hard to explain, I guess.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?–> gray sneakers

18. ideal weather?–> sunshine, not too warm (maybe around 25°C), with a little breeze.

19. sleeping position?–> any position and every position

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?–> either computer or mobile phone

21. obsession from childhood?–> hm. I guess drawing might be one. Other than that, I don’t think I have an obsession from back then. Maybe anime and cartoons in general, but nothing specific.

22. role model?–> don’t have one

23. strange habits?–> can’t think of anything right now..

24. favorite crystal?–> opal

25. first song you remember hearing?–> I don’t know the song titles of those, sadly. I do remember the ketchup song

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?–> either taking a walk or sleeping in the sunshine. Not really much interested in activities.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?–> sleeping..

28. five songs to describe you?–> Alone in the room by asking alexandria, haze by tessa violet, choke by i don’t know how but they found me (the vibe of the song, not much of the lyrics), bones by emily finchum, dreamin by the score

29. best way to bond with you?–> oh, there are many ways tbh. either ask me about my obsessions and if they are similar to yours, let’s talk about those for hours. or just show up and talk bullshit, I’m always up for bullshit. or let’s rant about stuff that we both hate. just. yeah. I’m really not that hard to please, if you don’t treat me like shit, we’re good.

30. places that you find sacred?–> nothing comes to mind tbh. that doesn’t mean i don’t think places shouldn’t be treated without respect.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?–> jeans, sneakers, black tanktop and a blazer. or hoodie. things I’d usually wear as well. best to kick ass and take names while wearing what you like most, right?

32. top five favorite vines?–> “two bros, chilling in a hot tub, five feet apart cause they’re not gay.”“Say Colorado!” “I’M A GIRAFFE”“THIS BITCH EMPTY! YEET!”“Shit, duck!” “Oh, cause of the duck is it?” *gets hit by a flying duck*“Cabbage, cabbage, cabbage. LETTUCE, LETTUCE, LETTUCE!”

33. most used phrase in your phone?–> yaaaaaaf, yaaaaaaaas, rip, mood, aaaaaaaaaaargh, wtf, eyyyyyyyyyyyyy, oooh, fuck, ehehehehehehe (usually after a dirty joke), yay~, yehi wasn’t able to just pick one

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?–> none. thank goodness

35. average time you fall asleep?–> maybe.. 30min?

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?–> oooh boy, I don’t remember.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?–> suitcase. They’re easier to handle

38. lemonade or tea?–> tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?–> neither.. I don’t really like cakes or pies

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?–> there was a warning of a school shooting due to some internet posts. Nothing happened at our school, but people were scared. Other than that, constant firealarms due to bullshit reasons like cooking or dust. And being late for school due to flooding and casually walking in to class with zero fucks left to give.

41. last person you texted?–> a friend who sent me a cute pic.

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?–> BOTH AND BIG ENOUGH TO FIT MY PHONE IN PLEASE

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?–> Hoodie and leather jacket.

44. favorite scent for soap?–> something fresh like lemon grass or so. Or some herbs. Nothing too sweet and no nuts

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?–> I like a lot of superhero stuff, but fantasy is up there too.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?–> I’ll sleep in literally anything, depending on how tired and lazy I am to change.

47. favorite type of cheese?–> none

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?–> a pomegranate i think

49. what saying or quote do you live by?–> none really. More like a motto. Be the best you can be and enjoy yourself as much as possible.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?–> pfft. tons of things. i can’t possibly pinpoint one

51. current stresses?–> New job starting soon where I’m not really sure how well I’ll be able to handle it, sleep scedule is fucked, being on my own entirely with no friends nearby.. ah well.

52. favorite font?–> don’t have one

53. what is the current state of your hands?–> slight lingering pain, a bit cold, no injuries

54. what did you learn from your first job?–> my first ever job was as a waitress/barkeeper at age 14 or something. What I learned there… some people expect too much of you without helping you. And it’s ok to go away from a bad envirenment. Your own well being is most important.

55. favorite fairy tale?–> It’s either the tale of Icarus or the tale of Kunegunda. Those are actually the first ones I ever heard.

56. favorite tradition?–> hm.. don’t have one

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?–> School, College, emotional breakdowns

58. four talents you’re proud of having?–> drawing, being able to view at problems rationally and finding solutions, reading people I know, my bullshit kind of humor

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?–> Let’s get this fucking party started!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?–> slice of life. They’re the most wholesome with weird and funny friendship moments

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?–> The risk I took was calculated, but damn, am I bad at math.

62. seven characters you relate to?–> I’m too lazy to think of seven, so have one: Killua from Hunter x Hunter

63. five songs that would play in your club?–> see number 28.

64. favorite website from your childhood?–> YouTube. Well, not really childhood, but early teenage years.

65. any permanent scars?–> I have one on my forhead from an accident when I was a kid. Don’t know if other scars are permanent.

66. favorite flower(s)?–> forget-me-nots

67. good luck charms?–> a d20 dice

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?–> hm… I think I surpressed any bad memory like that. Can’t remember

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?–> brown eyes can be changed permanently blue due to some genes and pigments being linked together

70. left or right handed?–> I’m right handed

71. least favorite pattern?–> anything with huge contrasts and tons of messy lines. hurts my eyes and brain

72. worst subject?–> history. Never was good at remembering dates and years and that shit.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?–> I… don’t have any..

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?–> a 6, usually. Except if i need to do stuff or I’m trying to sleep. then a 4.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?–> I think, around the age of 9..

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?–> chips

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?–> a succulent always grew really well with me. Or cacti.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?–> Never had coffee at a gas station. I did have sushi from the grocery story, but they were never any good.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?–> driver’s licence photo

80. earth tones or jewel tones?–> jewel tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?–> wait… wat

82. pc or console?–> PC. Never had a console

83. writing or drawing?–> drawing

84. podcasts or talk radio?–> podcasts

84. barbie or polly pocket?–> I had both growing up. As a kid, barbie. later on, polly pocket.

85. fairy tales or mythology?–> why not both.

86. cookies or cupcakes?–> cookies

87. your greatest fear?–> complete darkness

88. your greatest wish?–> to manage well enough not to have to worry about anything

89. who would you put before everyone else?–> parents i guess

90. luckiest mistake?–> I bet there were so fucking many but I can’t remember right now

91. boxes or bags?–> depends. boxes for organizing stuff at home, bags for shopping and gathering things like bottles or clothes

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?–> lamps and overhead lights

93. nicknames?–> Chan

94. favorite season?–> fall

95. favorite app on your phone?–> telegram, messaging my friends and all

96. desktop background?–> a picture I made a while ago I called galaxy marbles

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?–> around 4 or so

98. favorite historical era?–> don’t have one, the all sucked

there. I did it. holy shit that was a lot.

[sevencrashing]

"I'd kill for a coffee...literally"

So @actually-al Asked for number 15? She gets number 15.

Summary: FtmTrans!Remy is feeling the effects of gender dysphoria. Luckily Emile is there to save the day.

Ships: Remile/Remani (Remy X Emile)

Warnings: Gender dysphoria, mention of self harm,mentions of drugs,mentions of surgery.

Word count: idk dude

Promt: I'd kill for a coffee...literally

Note: While I am not a trans male, I am trans masculine. So I'm using my own experiences while writing this!

Remy is 25 and Emile is 29.

----------

"We are the Crystal gems~!"

Remy sat on the couch with his his knees against his chest and arms around his legs. Steven universe flashing its bright colors as the intro played.

His sunglasses had been tossed over to the coffee table as he sat there. Merely staring at the TV rather than actually watching the shapes and sounds that formed the cartoon.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been doing this. The intro had played its signature song at least ten or so times at this point. But honestly he couldn't tell. The TV being sort of a muffler of white noise for his thoughts. Letting him just sit there without any shape to the multitude of thoughts that echoed in his mind.

Thoughts that told him he would never be who he saw himself as. That he was always going to be her. The girl he could never escape from being. He was always going to be this person that he didn't want to be. No matter how hard he tried to be who he saw himself as.

Remy was so mentally lost at this point he didn't even realize the tears that slid down his face.

Sometimes he was fine with his body, his hips, thighs, his curves. He was sexy and he knew it. He loved wearing something form fitting and showing off.

But other times he hated it. This wasn't the body a guy was supposed to have. A guy was supposed to be muscular and strong! The opposite of what he was.

It was a constant ride of of ups and down. Sometimes flaunting around full of sass with a coffee in hand. Those were some of the best moments. Parading down town with a group a friends and turning heads.

Remy was an man who knew how to get people to stare in awe. And he was proud of it. Of course after falling for his partner he had stopped doing that as much, but not entirely.

Other times he couldn't get out of bed. Sleeping for entire days if he could. Those times were not the good kind.

It was like he was being suffocated by all his thought and worries. Hands gripping at his body and pulling him down into a ocean of madness that he couldn't escape from.

Each breath was like trying to inhale a toxic smog that broke down his lungs. Making him ache in places that he didn't even know existed.

Waves of emotion rolled over him with no mercy. Pushing him further and further down into an ocean of dispare. Choking him and holding him down. Giving him only one option to end it all.

And by god he had tried to end his suffering so many times he couldn't count anymore. Each time he regretted trying afterwards. Being to weak that he succumbed to such a low point.

Then there were times like these. Times that he was on neither side of the spectrum of emotions. Times were he was lost in a void of feelings that he didn't know what to do with.

Times like this was where Remy seemed to be only a shell of a human. A gentle wind enough to shatter the little that he had left. Either bringing him back to his happy moments, or dropping him down the dark pit that were his inner thought.

"Remy?" A voice broke through his thoughts and the white noise of the TV like a knife. Snapping him back to where he was.

A rather worried and confused Emile stood in the entrance of the living room. Having just gotten home from work.

Not expecting to see his boyfriend sitting on the couch with a dead look on his face. The normally loud and outgoing man looked as if all emotions had been drained out of him as he sat there. Not even paying attention to what happened before him on the TV.

Part of Emile believed the coffee addict was dead for a moment. Before seeing the steady rise of his shoulders as he breathed.

It was haunting to see the glazed look over Remy's eyes. He seemed so small as he sat hugging himself.

His sassy and big personality looked as if it melted away. Simply Leaving behind a scared boy. Unsure of what to do with himself other than to lose himself in a whirlwind of thoughts.

"Oh hey hun!" Remy said putting on a layer of his normal sassyness as his significant other walked in. "Girl I was just watching a really sad episode of steven universe! It had me tearing up!" he started as he realized his face was stained with tears.

This wasn't the first time Emile had found Remy like this. Yet he still tried to act like nothing had happened, that everything was okay and nothing was wrong.

But it didn't take much before his fake guard melted away.

"It was r-really sad ya know?" Remy's voice wavered as he spoke. The trance like state he had been in had been the only way of keeping himself stable. The white noise now unable to keep him calm on the outside.

He started to break as tears started slipping down his face. Not being able to hold them all in this time. Breathing in choked breaths as he tried to speak again.

"A-and n-now I ca-can't s-stop cry-ing."Remy said while sobs started to take a hold of him.

"I s-such a m-mess right n-now" his words mangled by the tears that started to envelop him.

"Shhh Rem,none of that matters right now" Emile had rushed over the younger male. Almost tripping over a multitude of thing as he made it over to him. Including his own two feet.He may be an knowledgeable person, but he certainly wasn't a balanced one.

Remy instantly clung to him. Letting his sobs overtake him as Emile' arms wrapped around him. His body finally knowing he was safe.

Emile rubbed the other's back as he held him. Softly telling him that everything was okay. That even the strongest men like him had their moments and that was okay. That sometimes people just needed a good cry. And that was completely okay.

"Feeling any better?" Emile asked cautiously after Remy's sobs had turned to no more than sniffles.

"Y-yeah..." Remy muttered quietly with accompanying nod, but didn't move from his spot against the other's chest.

"Good." Emile placed a kiss on the top of Remy's head. "I can't have my handsome man not feeling well."

Remy simply scoffed at this "please...I'm not even a man..." he messed with the fabric on Emile's shirt. "I'm simply a woman in disguise."

The therapist moved his hand under Remy's chin. Forcing the other to look up at him "Remus Sleep Sybil you are the ard the manliest man I have ever gotten the chance to meet." His words were stern but wholesome. Using the other male's full name to show he wasn't joking around.

"Girl, you are such a sap." Remy said with a laugh. "But...thanks. Hearing you say stuff like that really helps more that you realize...." he leaned up to kiss him softly. Before pulling back with a smile. " Now come on, right know I'd kill for a coffee...literally."

[ev3v4hn]

Cr Fashion E-book

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Signature Types For All Your Looks This Season

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Editors’ Picks! See Our Favourite Fashion Moments At The 2021 Oscars

Though totally different textile colors and patterns modified from year to year, the reduce of a gentleman’s coat and the length of his waistcoat, or the pattern to which a girl’s gown was cut, changed more slowly. Additionally, there is a long history of fashion in West Africa. The Cloth was used as a type of foreign money in trade with the Portuguese and Dutch as early as the 16th Century. Locally produced cloth and cheaper European imports had been assembled into new types to accommodate the growing elite class of West Africans and resident gold and slave merchants. There was an exceptionally strong custom of cloth-weaving in Oyo and the areas inhabited by the Igbo individuals. Fashion can be a supply of art, permitting individuals to show their unique tastes and styling.

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The post Cr Fashion E-book appeared first on dansealsforcongress.

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[redditnosleep]

The Terrifying Note Addressed To My Six-year-old Son

by Creeping_dread

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |  Part 5 | Part 6 (Final)

This story has a free audiobook available!

Carrie and I met about sixteen years ago—late 2001, I think—at a church picnic. I was relatively new to town, so when one of my co-workers asked me to tag along with him on a Sunday afternoon, I took him up on it. I’d always heard churches and supermarkets were the best places to meet wholesome, single women, and that turned out to be right. That afternoon, I met the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She was standing behind a bowl of fried chicken, her greasy apron reading Union Street Methodist Church, laughing as she doled out legs and thighs and breasts to people’s plates. I remember her blonde hair was pulled up in a tight ponytail and swung to the side as she turned her head. Like a cheerleader or something. I was hooked from the moment I saw her.

After lunch, I struck up a conversation with her and we hit it off immediately. We started dating soon after, and were married In October of 2002. That was the best day of my life. The second best was the day Kyle was born.

Reading the note that psycho sent to the paper tore my heart in two. My first thought was, Not MY Carrie. Even though she denied ever cheating on me, I couldn’t get the image of my wife of fifteen years in a car with some other guy—doing THAT, no less—out of my head. By the time she got home last night, I was angry. Seething, actually. As soon as she stepped through the door, I confronted her, the newspaper clutched in my hand.

Me: Why weren’t you answering your texts?

Carrie: Sorry babe, I got busy. You know how my boss is. I can’t have my phone out while I’m working.

Me: You’ve always been able to text before. What’s going on?

The look on her face told me everything. She wasn’t a good liar and I could tell something was up. For some reason, this made me less angry. She looked hurt.

Carrie: Nothing, Dean. (She wouldn’t look at me. She moved into the living room where Kyle was, watching tv, and told him to go to his room. She started randomly picking up things off the couch like she was cleaning.)

Me: I know that look—you’re a terrible liar. Babe, please, Andrew is missing and this psycho has him. If any part of that letter is true, you have to tell me. Whatever it is, we’ll get through it. (It felt like a lie, hot and searing in my throat, but I said it anyway).

She stared at me, tears welling in her eyes, and then she just broke down. She crumpled onto the couch and sat there with her head in her hands, sobbing. I sat down beside her and rubbed her back.

Me: Carrie, it’s okay. (My heart was thumping out of my chest at this point. It’s such a terrible feeling to know you may be seconds away from hearing something that can never be taken back. And might change everything).

Carrie: (between sobs) I didn’t think it had anything to do with this…

Me: What? What is it? Just tell me.

Carrie: I swear, it was a mistake.. I never meant for it to happen.

Me: Just tell me, Carrie. Please.

Carrie: (She wiped the mascara off her face) It was that weekend you were out of town with some of your friends. Camping, I think. It was so long ago. Eight or nine years.

Me: I remember. (I’d gotten together with some college buddies, which didn’t happen very often. We hadn’t made it back until late Sunday night).

Carrie: Me and the girls went to the bar that Friday night. I swear, I didn’t think I drank that much. I had a couple beers, I think, but no liquor and no shots. And there was this guy there, and…

Me: And WHAT Carrie?

Carrie: (She looked at me finally.) Don’t make me say it.

Me: It’s TRUE??

Carrie: Oh God, I’m so sorry. I remember sitting at the bar, next to Jenny, and a guy coming up and talking to us. Next thing I remember is sitting in his car in that parking lot by the river. I couldn’t remember how I got there. I was so ashamed….I swear, we didn’t have sex….he wanted to but I said no….

Me: (I’m tearing up by this point, holding back anger). Just some random guy? In a parking lot? Jesus Christ, I’m trying to understand, Carrie.

Carrie: I know it doesn’t make any sense. I don’t know what happened—I’ve never done anything like that before. And no, not random. That’s the fucked up part about all of this. I met him at the church.

Me: At church? OUR church?

Carrie: That Friday was a service day. We were going to Gentle Hills, the nursing home on Silver, to visit the residents. The youth group does this thing called “clowning”, where they dress up as clowns and paint their faces and bring balloons to the nursing home residents who can’t get out. They absolutely love it. I brought the idea to the adult Sunday school class and they wanted to do it too. When we met at the church, that guy was there. I’d never noticed him at church, but I assumed he was just someone’s friend. Dean?

I was speechless by this point, tears rolling down my face. Devastated. But I didn’t have to tell her that. She knew.

Carrie: I’m so sorry.

Me: Did he tell you his name?

Carrie: Ray, I think. (She sniffled). If he told me his last name, I don’t remember. Dean, I know what you’re thinking. It couldn’t be the same guy. He was just a normal guy. Jeans, button down shirt. Clean cut. He seemed pretty drunk, but otherwise he seemed normal. I think he said he was an accountant. He did make some joke about us making good-looking children together, but I just chalked it up to him trying to tell me I was pretty. I think I joked about not wanting to ever have kids. That was obviously before we had Kyle. Maybe this psycho saw us somehow? Maybe he was out there by the river. I don’t know.

Me: Have you seen this guy since then?

She looked like she didn’t want to answer.

Me: Carrie?

Carrie: He called me. The next day. I guess I’d given him my number. He said he wanted to see me again, that he was in love with me. I was so ashamed, I didn’t know what to say. I just hung the phone up on him, blocked his number. I swear, I never saw him again. I just wanted to forget about it.

Me: Never?

Carrie: I haven’t seen or heard from him since. I swear to God. (She turned to face me). Dean, I’m so, so sorry. I don’t have any excuse for what happened. I guess I drank more than I should have, and I made a terrible mistake. I know I’ve ruined everything. And now all this with the kids. Please, babe…

I got up right then and left her on the couch, sobbing. If I would have said anything, it would have been it’s over, but I couldn’t bring myself to say that either. I loved Carrie. Still do. But I knew I had to get away from her, for a little while at least. I blamed her for not telling me about what happened as soon as we got the first note from Kyle, even though there really was no reason for her to think the two things were related.

I went into Kyle’s room and sat down on his bed. He was on the floor playing with some figurines. When he saw me sit down, he looked up and asked me if the bad man was coming to get him. Is that why mommy’s crying. I got down on the floor and hugged him close. I hadn’t told him about Andrew, yet. Wasn’t sure if I ever would.

No, I won’t let that happen buddy. Not ever, understand? I’m your Dad, and my job is to protect you. And that’s what I’m gonna do. I promise. I think—I hope—he believed me. I didn’t talk to Carrie for the rest of the night. Avoiding her felt awful, especially with what she was dealing with. But I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t stand the thought of talking to her.

Late that night, probably around 10, Detective Carr called. I got off the couch and walked onto the back porch as he talked. Carrie was asleep in the bedroom and I didn’t want to wake her.

He’d gone out to the retired detective’s house and talked to him about the Kerrington case. The detective remembered it well, he said—people don’t go missing in our small town very often, apparently, and this case was particularly troubling to him. Young girl from a good family suddenly disappears without a trace and he couldn’t bring her home. It still haunted him.

He confirmed the information Carr found on the missing person’s report. Suzanne was last seen at a 24-hour gym. The friend who’d seen her—Emily, he recalled—said Suzanne was excited about seeing a guy she’d met the night before. She wanted to work on her arms so they’d look good in a sleeveless top. Weird things like that, I remember for some reason. She was a good girl for being 21 years old. She never frequented the bars around town and never got in any trouble. Her main social outlet was her church, he said.

My heart skipped a beat when he said it. What church?

Union Street, Detective Carr answered. Why.

Union Street. Our church.

I knew I had to tell Carr about what Carrie did. Telling him made it even more real, somehow, and the wound was ripped open again as I recounted every detail.

Even though Carrie didn’t think the guy she cheated with was the same guy who’d taken Andrew, Detective Carr DID. And Union Street was the connection. Carrie had met “Ray” at Union Street, and maybe Suzanne had too. If that was correct, they may be the same person. He wondered at first why Carrie didn’t recognize Suzanne’s name from church, but I told him Carrie hadn’t moved to town until sometime in ’99. Detective Carr agreed: Suzanne’s case would have been long out of the public eye by then. He got off the phone hastily, saying he had some leads to track down. I knew he wouldn’t be sleeping any time soon.

After I hung up the phone, I sat on the back porch and looked into the blackness of the backyard, where Kyle stood as a stranger crept through the gate and left the terrifying note that started all of this.

Why the note to Kyle? Why now, after almost ten years?

I knew one thing. Whoever this creep was, he liked to dress up as a fucking clown.

And he used the church as his hunting ground.

I climbed back on the couch, but didn’t sleep well. I knew there’d be a crew at 3 Orange Circle in the morning, ripping up a newly poured concrete floor, and I kept picturing the shallow grave they’d surely find beneath, with the bones of Susie Kerrington inside. I hoped Andrew wouldn’t suffer the same fate.

This morning, there was no article in the paper as I’d hoped. There wouldn’t have been time for Detective Carr to get the information to them. However, I was listening to the radio at breakfast and during the morning show they interviewed Detective Carr. He instructed people to stay indoors after dark and make sure all doors and windows were safely secured. Then, he gave a description of the subject they were looking for.

Early-to-mid forties (Carrie's and my age), probably college educated. Clean cut. Regular job, possibly an accountant at one time. It’s possible he projects the image of a put-together adult, but alone feels more like a child. He may moonlight at children’s parties doing balloon animals or face painting, or could possibly be a mall Santa or Easter Bunny. He also may attend children’s tee ball games, so be on the lookout for anyone who fits that description who isn’t a relative of one of the children playing. May be named Ray.

He’s smart, he continued. And cunning. He wants the attention he’s getting. It’s what fuels him, which also means it’s possible he’s mentally ill. He’s killed once and he may again. DO NOT confront this individual if you see him. CALL THE POLICE.

On the way back from Kyle’s school, I drove by 3 Orange Circle. There were two police cruisers and a construction truck out front. They’d put some crime scene tape up and I could see someone holding two buckets coming from around the back of the house. He reached the front yard and dumped what appeared to be broken chunks of concrete into a green dumpster bag. I guess that was the only way to get them out of the basement. Then, he turned back toward the back of the house. I could almost hear the jackhammer doing its brutal work down there in the dark.