#toxiccycle

[whispers-in-silence]

Retail Therapy That Hurts

Lately, I’ve been struggling with money, and it’s starting to wear on me. What makes it worse is knowing I’m part of the problem. When I’m stressed, I shop—buying things I don’t really need. For a moment, it makes me feel better. So I keep doing it. Over and over again. It’s a cycle that comforts and consumes me at the same time.

[danielle603]

This isn’t the love I had prayed for my whole life. Like to be honest with you, this isn’t love period. I was abused growing up as a child. I was raped, molested almost every day from age 4-9. At age 9 CPS stepped in and removed me due to an incident where a spanking went tooooooo fkn far on school grounds in the nurses office, initiallly it was because I did something bad, (forged a check to buy reading books from the school book fair) very bad on my part, but tbh I wouldn’t have gone that far myself. I guess being a child of abuse, you don’t want to be that same monster to the ones who see you as their hero. My whole life struggling, trying to find this love that im starting to believe only exists if you’re rich, only exists if you aren’t trying to build with another person

[mineofilms]

Drawing the Sandline

Drawing the Sandline

This is the very short story of a boy named Whilem and a girl named Lainey. The following is based on actual events… The names have been changed…

Whilem stared at the blinking cursor on his screen, contemplating the weight of the message he was about to send. "So… Can we hang out again?" Lainey's latest Facebook message buzzed on his computer as he worked on projects. Whilem sighed, knowing what he must do. He typed out his response, each keystroke feeling like a rusty nail in the coffin of whatever semblance of normalcy they had left…

"For the foreseeable future, no… I am sorry if this hurts you, but I need to be honest. I was done with all this two Fridays ago. As in, done-done…"

He paused, letting the words sink in, hit enter, and waited an hour. He checks back as he works and sees she saw the message. This wasn't easy, but necessary things rarely were. Lainey had a knack for turning every interaction into an emotional rollercoaster, and Whilem was tired of the bumpy as-fuck ride. He continued typing, laying out his frustrations and boundaries with a mix of blunt, heart-felt-honesty, politeness, and intention to do as least harm as possible. Next, he chose his words carefully.

"This is just too much for me to handle right now between the two of us, and I can't pretend I am good with it all. This isn’t just about you; it's also about me. I know my limits, we passed them. And then some…"

He knew she would read this and twist it, making herself the victim in a story of her own creation. But Whilem had reached his tolerance… He wasn't willing to sacrifice what good time he had left to make his mark on this world and his mental health for her perpetual state of crisis of being a victim.

"I am not willing to work on these things either. I told you I was content with my solitude, and I mean it. Nothing comes between it. Even without the ex-boyfriend on the couch, his bullshit, and some of the other stuff, it just would have prolonged the inevitable."

Their brief, but gentle lovemaking had started innocently enough; a shoulder to cry on, a friendly ear. But Lainey's problems were like quicksand, and Whilem had foolishly waded in, thinking he could stay on solid ground. These are clouds, not ground… He should have known better.

"Are we still friends? Yes, but I can't be that distraction for you when things get tough. I don't have anything to give right now. Time is my only resource, and I'd rather spend it on tasks that make me feel accomplished, not frustrated about that effort and time."

Whilem's thoughts turned to his new potential contract in Tampa, the personal projects he had neglected, his health, his mental health, his time, good quality time left, his soul, his sanity. He had goals, and ambitions that couldn't be put on hold for Lainey's endless drama.

"Perhaps when we both get our lives in better order, we can revisit this, but not now. I can't give you a timetable for when or if that will happen. I need to focus on my health over the summer and fall, the work I might be doing, and my personal projects will take up about all I have to give."

He imagined her reading this, tears welling up, accusations forming in her mind. She wanted a friend to have carefree fun with without feeling guilty for it. She wanted a distraction to rescue her from herself. But Whilem was no hero; he was just a guy, damaged, working hard on himself, who had finally learned to say no.

"I get it, you want a friend. You want to feel good and have fun. I really didn’t want any of that. I thought I was just helping you out. I had a soft spot that got very hard, massive, and too heavy to carry, very quickly. I walk in a desert. I had to drop the very hard, massive, heavy thing behind so I can make it through the desert."

The desert. It was a fitting metaphor for the barren wasteland of how this was playing out. He couldn't carry her burdens any longer; he had to save himself. He took both the red pill and the blue pill, gave Morpheus the finger, and jumped out the window, saying “Fuck your desert of the real,” all-the-way-down out of the simulation.

"I hope this makes sense and that you’re not too hurt. I know it's disappointing, and I am sorry it had to come from me like this. I will respond when I have time to respond. My headspace is already on other tasks. Have low expectations… That’s about all I got… Tried really hard to not say something to deliberately hurt here. That was not the intention and intention for me means everything… Signed, Whilem."

With a final sigh, Whilem hit send. The message flew off into the digital void of Facebook messenger, leaving him feeling strangely lighter. He had drawn his line in the sand, and now he had to walk away, leaving Lainey to navigate her own mess. An hour later, she blocked him for the second time in two weeks. Later, Whilem would learn from refreshing his browser page that she had blocked him before he sent off that last message. She would never know that Whilem attempted to be gentle with her and that this bugged him just as much. However, it sounds to me, the teller of this tale, that Whilem did the right thing. He did right by Lainey. Lainey just cannot deal with reality and that is why this happened to begin with. Moral of the story. Do not modify what and who you are for another. Modifying what you are is not the same thing as compromising for another. One multiplied by one does not equal two, it equals one and it always did and will. End of the story…

Drawing the Sandline by David-Angelo Mineo 6/27/2024 1,013 Words

[mindmatrixr]

7 Psychological Traps That Keep You Stuck and Controlled.... by Mind Matrix Emotional traps keep strong minds stuck in weak cycles. These 7 patterns are how manipulators keep control — by making pain feel normal. Once you see them, you can break them. #EmotionalTraps #DarkPsychology #ToxicCycles #BreakTheCycle #MindFreedom #SelfHealing #ManipulationAwareness #EmotionalFreedom #PsychologyFacts #ClosureTrap #GaslightingRecovery #SelfGrowth #MentalStrength #LetGoToGrow #PowerfulMindset emotional traps psychology waiting for closure trap needing to be understood manipulation forgiving without change psychology toxic silence vs peace confusing chaos with love why we stay stuck emotionally emotional cycles of abuse emotional manipulation patterns dark psychology healing closure is a trap how to break toxic cycles emotional prison psychology mental freedom through self growth letting go of fake peace psychology of forgiveness and power unseen traps of emotional abuse missing the illusion not the person how manipulators create emotional traps gaslighting and emotional confusion rebuilding after emotional damage letting go psychology stop saving the wrong people emotional intelligence vs manipulation why we love toxic people fake love and mental control self healing psychology emotional power reclaim dark love psychology how to escape emotional patterns via YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K43c2-OWojY

[overcomeandgrow]

Abandonment issues is the glue that keeps many relationships together today. Many are suffering from things from their past and passing it down in their relationships. Abandonment can leave you fearful, unable to trust other’s, stay in relationships that are not good, and prone to codependency. I too have this struggle and know what it feels like to go round in round in circles trying to fill a void. I am in repair mode, and on the road to recovery. I must say the road is tough but I am already feeling the benefits of breaking free. #abandonmentissues #codependency #childhoodtrauma #recovery #toxiccycles #leavethepastbehind #inspirationalquotes #encouragingquotes #overcomeandgrow https://www.instagram.com/p/B5oinUNHi-C/?igshid=ye4n0f1f6570

[maxxthemarshan]

This word here... Some people don't fully understand how it looks in everyday life... Be careful of who you cast away unconsciously in your family or close circle. Children grow to see it as being unworthy or unwanted, and can lead them down a spiraling slippery slope of depression and other mental illnesses. That goes for parents, siblings, friends, etc... Take a moment and let someone know you love and appreciate them. It might just be the thing they need to hear to start or continue to get out of their rut... And if I ever put you in that position due to not being fully aware of my actions I truly apologise and if you gain the strength to speak to me about it please do so. We gotta break these cycles so we can live the way we were born to. #accountablity #selfworth #responsibility #toxiccycles #healing #love https://www.instagram.com/p/BvRzFGcApLW/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=wb781b5lge9n

[waywardwondersmith-started-over]

I was in the Nendoroidoftheday tag and someone with the url Toxiccycle mentioned you (Mod Jake). It seemed negative (I don't know the full story I'm new to following notd hence why I was in the tag) but I thought perhaps you might be interested in knowing about it.

Yeah, I think I know what that’s about. They’re the one who made the original callout post for former mod Leo (which is a long, dull, deeply unpleasant story so I’ll spare you the details, but long story short there were some genuinely bad things he did and also a lot of things that got blown out of proportion, and it contributed to why he’s no longer a mod) so I’m relevant to the conversation because I’m the last of the mods from that “era” so to speak.

I genuinely appreciate your concern and your telling me, but this is increasingly an old issue (Leo only left tumblr about a month and a bit ago, but the original callout post that blog made for him was a few months older). If you want the full story you can get more info by going through NotD’s archive to find the spat of drama preceding the other mods’ departure, and of course look through more of toxiccycle’s posts to get both sides of the story (with the disclaimer that I personally do not agree with all of the things they say both about myself and about Leo, even if I do think they raise some valuable points), but if you’re a new follower it’s unlikely that this issue will affect you, so don’t feel obliged if you’d rather just enjoy the figures in peace. 

[overcomeandgrow]

SWIPE LEFT. Share, like and drop a 🙌 if you agree. Let it go!!!!!! #letitgo #baggage #oldwounds #pasthurts #toxiccycles #badhabits #selfdistruction #release #rise #shine #grow #develop #overcome #heal #selfimprove #yougotthis #explorepage #overcomeandgrow https://www.instagram.com/p/B6m26VinFMX/?igshid=171kku7mgqtaz