whispers-in-silence

[whispers-in-silence]

Running on Low, Still Moving

I feel a little drained today. Not sad, not angry — just... tired. But somehow still okay.

Tried working with LaTeX earlier. It’s powerful, but it takes time to get into the rhythm. So many commands, so much precision. It’s like learning a new way to speak — quiet, structured, unforgiving.

But maybe that’s what I needed: something to slow me down. Something that demands patience, instead of speed.

[whispers-in-silence]

A Heavy Question and a Silent Honor

Yesterday, my cousin called me. Not for a chat. Not for advice. She asked me something that instantly rooted itself deep in my chest:

Would I take care of her son if something happened to her — if she suddenly died?

It caught me off guard. Not because I hadn’t thought about such things, but because she had. And because, in a world full of noise and uncertainty, she chose me — without hesitation.

That kind of trust is rare. It’s terrifying. It’s beautiful. It’s weighty in the quietest way.

She’s putting it in writing. A guardianship designation.

And I’m still sitting with all the emotions that came with that call.

[whispers-in-silence]

How am I feeling today? Honestly, I don’t really know.

On one hand, I’m proud of myself for getting something done for university 🎓💪. On the other, I’m disappointed that I couldn’t bring myself to go to the gym 🛋️➡️���️‍♀️. It’s strange how you can feel both accomplished and frustrated at the same time 🌗.

[whispers-in-silence]

A few days ago, preparations for the summer art auction began.

That includes sending out catalogs to interested collectors. One of the nicest parts of the job is meeting new people—it really adds an extra spark to the work. Of course, I took a few leftover catalogs with me again. I gave some to my neighbor too—she's a goldsmith who's now transitioning into sculpture, since the jewelry business hasn’t been doing well for a few years. Back home, I browsed through the catalogs, and many of the pieces that will be auctioned are truly breathtaking. I’m already looking forward to my next shift—this time, it’ll be all about hanging the paintings.

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I'm not looking for a relationship right now. But still, sometimes I wish there was someone beside me at night— not to talk, not to love, just to be. So I wouldn't feel so alone when the world goes quiet.

Is it strange to want that kind of closeness without the rest?

[whispers-in-silence]

A friend I met during my exchange semester in Denmark recently reached out to me — and it truly made my day. She's living in Australia now, which is literally on the other side of the world from me. She’s been thinking about coming back to Europe to explore a few countries. If I end up doing my master’s in Sweden, she’d love to visit me there. She’s also curious about Norway and the Netherlands — and it would be so nice to travel around together and explore all of it. Let’s see if it works out

[whispers-in-silence]

I just got permission to start my master’s in Sweden this September — and I’m honestly so happy about it. I’ve been craving a change for a while now, something fresh to dive into. New places, new people, new energy. Can’t wait for this next chapter.

[whispers-in-silence]

01:37 a.m. and still no sleep.

Maybe it’s the thought of that lecture later. They’re always so mind-numbingly boring. My chest feels heavy—stress maybe? But what’s weighing on me so much? What exactly is bothering me?

I’ll read a manga now. Maybe that’ll make me sleepy. At least I don’t have to wake up early. So I can sleep in… that’s something.

[whispers-in-silence]

Dating Detachment and Emotional Exhaustion

I talked to a friend today. She was crying — the kind of crying that comes from feeling used. She had been seeing this guy for a few days. They met on a dating app. He told her he could imagine being in a relationship with her… but only after they had slept together.

What makes it worse is that he already knew he didn’t want anything serious. He just didn’t say it.

I’ve heard so many stories like this lately. Stories where people are careless with each other. Where one person walks away unharmed, and the other is left to pick up the pieces. Every time I hear them, I feel myself shutting down a little more.

I’ve grown lazy with dating — not because I don’t want connection, but because I don’t want to be heartbroken over something that never had the chance to be real. I don’t want to be asked about my favorite movies or how I spend my Sundays. I don’t want to explain myself to another stranger who might not even stay.

Dating apps aren’t an option for me anyway. Meeting someone through a screen — a few pictures, a short bio, some chats and maybe a video call — just doesn’t sit right with me. I want the old-fashioned way. To meet someone in real life, naturally. To feel a spark from the beginning, a sense that this person gets me — before anything else is said.

But I do understand why some people use the apps. Not everyone has the chance to meet people in everyday life — especially if you're more introverted, like me. Still, so many people on those platforms aren’t looking for anything real. Just someone to sleep with. And that makes it even harder to trust.

Right now, I just want to be left alone. And honestly? That feels safer.

[whispers-in-silence]

A few days ago I visited the Banksy exhibition — and it's still stuck in my head. Sharp, sarcastic, painfully honest. From shredded canvases to kids standing over piles of weapons, every piece hit with uncomfortable truth. It wasn’t just art — it was a mirror, and it didn’t flatter. I left questioning more than I expected. That’s what good art does.

[whispers-in-silence]

I’m feeling better now. I made a plan to take care of my bills, and that already lifted a weight off my shoulders. What I’m most grateful for, though, are my friends — they’re always there with open ears and open hearts, never judging, just listening. They try their best to help, and that means the world to me. ✨🧡

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I want to go to the gym but I’m too lazy. The ambition is there, somewhere under a thick blanket of inertia. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be stronger. Or maybe I’ll just keep romanticizing the idea of discipline without ever touching it.

[whispers-in-silence]

Retail Therapy That Hurts

Lately, I’ve been struggling with money, and it’s starting to wear on me. What makes it worse is knowing I’m part of the problem. When I’m stressed, I shop—buying things I don’t really need. For a moment, it makes me feel better. So I keep doing it. Over and over again. It’s a cycle that comforts and consumes me at the same time.

[whispers-in-silence]

Second Day Blues and Small Victories

Yesterday was only my second day at the new job. The night before, I barely slept — stress had me in a chokehold. I’m not great with unfamiliar faces, especially when we don’t share the same interests. I get scared of saying something wrong or making a mistake. That fear? It’s rooted in my self-doubt.

It’s hard for me to focus when others are around. I get distracted, overwhelmed — which is why I prefer working from home. Luckily, I only have to go in once a month.

And yet, despite all that fear — fear of not being enough — I realized something kind of beautiful: I am doing a great job. And my boss? They see it too.

[whispers-in-silence]

It’s already Sunday evening...

I had planned so much – studying for university, taking care of a few organizational tasks. And what did I actually do? I spent the whole day just lying around, feeling unmotivated. Well, tomorrow is another day.

[whispers-in-silence]

A Quiet Beginning

I don’t know exactly why I’m here – but I know I need this space. A place to breathe, to write, to just exist without expectations.

Some days I feel too much. Some days I feel nothing at all.

I want this blog to be my soft corner of the internet. A place for half-formed thoughts, for letters I never sent, for words I’m afraid to say out loud.

If you’re reading this, welcome. But mostly, I’m writing for me.

Let’s see where this goes.