#transamorous network

[positivlyfocused]

A Practical Example Of How Thoughts Create Life Experience

Editors note: Many links in this post connect to my other blog, The Transamorous Network, where I offer Positively Focused material, oriented to the transgender community. This story also describes an experience a Transamorous network client experienced recently. It’s being shared here due to its revelatory nature.

Often clients offer great examples of how our thoughts create our reality. That happened just today (at the time of writing this).

This client’s experience also shows how faithfully our beliefs play out in our behaviors. In the behavior of others too. Even so, these often are invisible to us. Because we can’t see them, we can’t do anything about them. So having them show up in our reality is the best way to figure out what our beliefs are.

“Reality” includes our own behaviors. So in addition to how we feel and what we think, another great way of discovering beliefs creating our reality is by looking at how we act. And how people act toward us.

By doing that, we can deliberately create paths to everything we want, with very little effort on our part. This is the basis from which I work with clients. On the way to getting all they want, clients become empowered. They also become happy. This client is a perfect example.

Let’s take a look at the wonderful experience she offered.

Creating her dating reality as she goes

My client is using the Positively Focused practice to improve her dating life, among other things. Recently she stopped using online dating. I don’t encourage anyone to use online dating. Here’s why.

Besides, it’s just more fun meeting your perfect match through serendipity. 

Anyway, the client, who I’ll call Sarah, now has several men she’s seeing. Most of them are casual. And a few of them involve actually going out on dates. That’s great because Sarah, who is transgender, has very strong beliefs about men not being willing to take her out. But because she’s changed those beliefs, men now take her out. Go figure!

One guy I’ll call Cleo, wants to take Sarah out. But he’s scared. He still resists his trans-attraction. So, he’ll text Sarah, telling her he wants to see her. Or text her about taking her out. Sarah likes getting these messages. But it irks her that he won’t followup. She wants him to take her out. He doesn’t though.

I explained to Sarah that Cleo represents a stepping stone along the path to the relationship she ultimately wants and will have. I also said the more she focuses on positive aspects of what Cleo offers, the more she becomes a match to that relationship she ultimately wants.

Sarah’s working on this. Some days she’s better than others. But what happened in today’s session was instructive. First some more context.

A relationship to beat all relationships

Sarah loves a man she really wants to be with. She and this guy, I’ll call Paul, have talked on and off for years. Paul really likes Sarah. But he too fears his trans-attraction. Yet he keeps coming back to Sarah. Sarah really wants to be with Paul. I assure her constantly she can be with Paul and will be. Once she becomes fully a match to him and vice versa.

But beliefs Sarah keeps active about relationships, about Paul and about herself keep her from becoming a match. I am working with Sarah to identify and soothe these beliefs.

One belief she has is, if she told Paul about her dating experiences, Paul will get angry at her and cut her off. Even though Paul has consistently told Sarah she should date other people. I told Sarah she should share what she does with these other men. Not to manipulate Paul, but, instead to authentically express what she’s doing. Which is something Paul already encouraged her to do. Paul would appreciate knowing she took his advice, I said. 

So Sarah really wants to be with Paul. Paul likes Sarah a lot and wants that too. But both keep beliefs active that keep the two apart. And Sarah won’t communicate authentically with Paul because she’s afraid she’ll lose him.

Ok, that’s the context. Now, back to Cleo. Keep in mind what you just read. See if you can put the pieces together about beliefs and how they created the reality you’re about to read before I explain it in the section after this next one.

Perfect manifestation played in real time

One day Cleo texted her. He complained that a lot of older cis-women were coming on to him. He said he had lots of opportunity to fuck these women. But he didn’t know what he wanted to do. Sarah told him he should enjoy these women. He should have sex with them, she said, if he wants to and thinks he will enjoy it.

The more a person can enjoy life, the more life will yield to them what they want. That’s the general rule of the Positively Focused approach. So I applauded Sarah for telling Cleo this. It’s also spot-on guidance.

A couple days later, Cleo texted Sarah. He shared news that he did actually follow Sarah’s advice. He said he had a great time doing it. Remember, Sarah encouraged Cleo to have sex with these women.

Here’s what happened next, in Sarah’s own words:

“After he told me,” she said. “I got mad. Then I picked a big, giant fight with him. He got really angry with me. Then he stopped talking to me.”

Can you see what happened here? It’s a perfect manifestation of Sarah’s beliefs about Paul and her playing out, in real time, in her behavior, and Cleo’s!

The evidence: plain as day

Sarah is playing out her belief about being authentic with Paul, with Cleo. Here Cleo is, doing what I suggest Sarah could do with Paul. Cleo is telling Sarah authentically what’s happening in his life. Notice how Sarah first responds to his authentic sharing. She’s empathetic. She offers really good advice: do what pleases you.

But then, when Cleo takes Sarah’s advice, Sarah gets pissed. We could replace Cleo with Sarah in this example, and Sarah with Paul. Doing that, we can see how Sarah is creating a reality revealing her beliefs about Paul and her. They’re playing out in perfect view for all to see.

If I tell Paul what I’m doing with these other men, he’ll get mad and stop talking with me. That’s Sarah’s belief about her relationship with Paul. And that belief has Sarah feeling fear. Even so, when Cleo does what Sarah’s afraid to do with Paul, at first, Sarah is compassionate. She offers great advice. But when he follows it, Sarah gets mad and picks a fight – exactly what she’s afraid Paul will do if she shares authentically what she’s up to.

What’s interesting though is the combination of realities playing out. At first Sarah is interested and compassionate. This tells Sarah that Paul would be interested and compassionate should she communicate authentically to him. But her fear dominates her behavior as a manifestation. So she gets mad at Cleo after first being interested and compassionate. That tells her she will match a version of Paul who equally gets mad. Unless she changes her beliefs.

The evidence here is as plain as day. It’s playing itself out in Sarah’s reality. Both in Cleo’s actions and her behavior too. 

Power and leverage unveiled

This is the kind of thing we uncover in Positively Focused sessions. It’s the gold daily life contains about everything we want to know. Everything that will get us all the love we want. Or all the money we want. Or whatever else we want. Definitely all the happiness we can handle. And then some.

As we can see, physical reality is very sophisticated. The uninitiated have a hard time figuring all this out. That’s because we have a literal constellation of beliefs creating our ongoing, unfolding reality. A reality that includes behaviors of others. Others we create as specific versions for ourselves. As well as our own behaviors. Behaviors we’re often blind to.

All of this gives us clues about our inner-understanding. Our inner world constantly projects outward. It creates our realities all day, every day. Which is why a Positively Focused practice offers so much value. Through the practice, clients learn how to read the clues.

Just because we can’t see all this doesn’t mean it’s not happening. It is happening. And when a person starts seeing life through this lens, they come into incredible power and leverage. Power and leverage allowing one to deliberately create any reality they want. Including one in which anyone can enjoy anything they want.

Maybe you’re ready to get your hands on that power and leverage. Send me a note. Let’s get you started.

[copiosis]

The Best Conversation About Capitalism Happened In Prison

This week I went to prison. My mission: meet a transgender woman incarcerated for who-knows-what. A friend suggested I meet her. My intuition told me I must.

This person, I'll call her Joy, turned out perfect for The Transamorous Network, my show and podcast serving the trans community.  But that wasn't all. The entire trip left me inspired. It also changed me in ways few experiences have.

Prison being what it was, only one opportunity allowed meeting Joy: an inmate support group. I knew nothing about the group.

Frankly, I was nervous. I had never been inside a prison before...

I did have preconceived notions though. Notions about the place and the people in it. Preconceptions about the people who worked there too. I wore those preconceptions on my sleeve. I admitted as much to my escort, the person who ran the group. She said she felt the same way her first time.

By the end of my time "inside" all my preconceptions proved wrong. For one, Joy was just that. A joy. Not only were her stories perfect. Her personality too was perfect. Her interview is going to be spectacular. We’re coordinating the details now.

^^Getting into prison when you don’t belong there is a major paperwork exercise. (Photo by Matthew Ansley on Unsplash)

The other thing that destroyed my preconceptions was what happened next. And what happened after that.

In the group, my escort had us introduce ourselves. I was near the circle's end. So I benefitted from hearing what others said.

What they said was surprising. Each person talked about their experience in extraordinary language. Language I’m familiar with. In so many words, they all described how they are creating their reality - yes, even their time in prison - through thoughts and beliefs they think and believe.

I was not expecting that.

They each shared "insights" they got from this group. Each man used the same phrase describing their personal experiences. They called them "peeling away layers of an onion".

What was going on here? Had I landed in a segment of Dhamma Brothers, a startling documentary about bringing Vipassana meditation to some of America's harshest prisons? Or was someone punking me?

If they were, they were going through a lot of trouble...

Listening to these men talk, I kept asking myself, what was this group? And what is it turning these "criminals" into thoughtful, introspective, inspiring human beings?

This video will give you a sense of what I stumbled into.

As the meeting's end neared, the sharing petered out. That's when one inmate said something I wasn't expecting. It was icing on an already well-baked cake.

"I am dying to hear about this new economic system," he said.

In my introduction, I told the group about leaving Intel Corporation and discovering my passions. Uplifting others, helping inspire members of the transgender community, and promoting a better way to run the planet's economics is what I do today.

I had not expected this group would ask about Copiosis. When he said what he said, all eyes turned to me.

He wasn't the only one eager to know.

"Go ahead," my escort said. “Tell us. I'm dying to know too!”

^^Me stammering through my explanation of Copiosis. Then being amazed as the men and women tell me how well it will work.

What happened next was one of the most inspiring, fulfilling conversations about Copiosis I've ever had.

After a brief description how Copiosis works, the group members were telling me how the system would work under various scenarios. How the transition could happen (their ideas were accurate). How raw materials and supplies used to make things would be givento people making things (at no cost to anyone). How everyone on the planet could get their food, clothing, shelter, all their education, and all their healthcare at no cost to anyone...with no one footing the bill for those things. And how all that could transform life on Earth.

One guy didn't get it. He dreams of becoming a rancher. He couldn't understand how anyone would give him cows for free to ranch. The others tried explaining, but he couldn't put it together in his head.

I've talked with conservative northern Californians. With liberal Oregonians. With very conservative people online. I've talked to the "choir" – people who already understand capitalism doesn't work. I’ve talked with economists, family, friends.

In all those conversations, I've never had a group of people "get" Copiosis so fast. I wonder if it was because of their group work. When a person reconnects to the core of who they are, they access wisdom lying beneath how they were raised.

That wisdom aligns with Copiosis' fundamentals. Fundamentals which say it's easy to do away with money. It's easy to evolve capitalism into something that works for everyone. Where there is no debt and where everyone is honestly and totally free.

One guy raised an objection I had never heard before. It was brilliant. He asked why drug cartels wouldn't destroy implementation by flooding the Copiosis economy with free drugs. The next moment, he answered his own question. His answer mirrored his experience peeling away layers of his own mental onion:

"People thinking differently make different choices," he said. "Besides, there's no money in drugs in your idea."

Another said: "If everyone had all their food, healthcare, education and housing, why would they want to do drugs?"

I sat astounded.

Ironically, the only thing keeping people (especially Americans) not-free is the same thing these inmates have peeled away. Like peeling an onion, they have removed layer after layer of externally-derived beliefs. Beliefs formed in "the outside”. Or should I call it the “inside”...aka the capitalist world. Beliefs that make the world seem like a competitive, hostile place. A place where people feel no choice but to do what they must. Sometimes that lands them in prison.

These men (and two women) no longer have that burden.

What I heard in their words is what's possible when humanity is freed from capitalism's belief systems. A flowering of spirit resonating between and among any group of humans. A spirit that says the world is abundant. That I’m ok no matter what. That there is plenty to share. And there is no reason every single person can't live lives of wealth and prosperity.

No reason other than beliefs humans hold. Beliefs like "captialism is the best economic system out there".

It's not. There's a better one.

Top Photo: Hedi Benyounes on Unsplash

[transamorousnetwork]

This Trans-Attracted Man’s Life Gets Better And Better

Every time a client texts me with evidence their life is getting better, I delight in the receipt. That’s because I know when they send me such messages, they’re having the time of their lives. It’s also delightful because their improved life amplifies my knowing in this “you create your reality by the stories you tell” business, aka (by some) as “Wishful Thinking”. LOL.

When some people use that “Wishful Thinking” moniker, they’re being pejorative. They don’t believe this “you create your reality by the stories you tell” business is real. They believe that because this “you create your reality by the stories you tell” business is working for them. It’s just reflecting back to them the manifestation of their belief: that this “you create your reality by the stories you tell” business doesn’t work, or it’s pseudoscience or new age quackery.

The jokes on them though because this “you create your reality by the stories you tell” business isworking, just like it does for me and all my clients. I love that!

But I love more when clients text me with their wonder. That’s what I’m writing about today.

Beliefs defending themselves

This past week a trans-attracted client finds himself as wonder-filled as I am. Except, he’s finding himself so dumbfounded by his manifestation results, he sometimes slips into disbelief.

I love when that happens too because it means that client finds himself in a Belief Confrontation. A Belief Confrontation is when All That Is shows us something at odds with our beliefs. When that happens, the juxtaposition of our belief, and the reality we’re experiencing at that moment, is so jarring, our belief “defends” itself.

Our belief doesn’t put up its dukes and gets into a fist-fight with the reality. It’s not human after all. But the energy and momentum comprising our belief is strong. And that strong momentum, when confronted with another strong momentum of energy or vibration, experiences a kind of polarity shift. Kind of like when you try put two magnets together and they repulse one another.

When that polarity shift happens in a human, the human feels an emotion. Typically the emotion is negative. That negative emotion comes on instantaneously and can feel so strong it can compel the human into a psychologically defensive stance. They’ll resist that which doesn’t accord with their beliefs. Or they might willfully ignore it. 

Our civilization is full of examples illustrating this process underway. And it’s underway all the time, everywhere.

It really works

After clients produce evidence that “you create your reality by the stories you tell” is accurate, force accompanying Belief Confrontations ease, allowing the client to feel the force without it taking them over. That’s what happened with this client. He deserves some praise because he’s significantly soothed his Belief Confrontations around the fact that he’s in the driver’s seat of his life, no one else, and that he can create any life he wants.

So when he texted me, he briefly expressed some disbelief, but followed that up with a string of evidence showing this “you create your reality by the stories you tell” business works. And that balance – between the brief disbelief and the litany of evidence – amplified within him his growing momentum aligning with the belief “this ‘you create your reality by the stories you tell’ business really works!”

Here’s what he texted me:

^^A trans-attracted client amplifying his belief in this “you create your reality by the stories you tell” business by sharing his powerful results.

There’s no evidence proving this “you create your reality by the stories you tell” business doesn’t work. Again, even for those who think it doesn’t work, it’s working. It’s working by showing those people a reality in which the belief “this ‘you create your reality by the stories you tell’ business doesn’t work” doesn’t work!

But for those willing to soften that belief, those people’s worlds will increasingly show them that this “you create your reality by the stories you tell” business does work. And as that evidence grows, the person will consciously come into their own power. The power they knew they had when they first incarnated as human.

The Charmed Life

We all came here in our human experiences to enjoy our creative power. That includes trans people. We all are incipient gods becoming more in a structure we have created as a part of the consciousness of All That Is. That sure sounds like a circular argument. But that’s only because All That Is is circular in its awareness and purpose.

All That Is is all about one thing: knowing itself through expanding its awareness of itself. That’s its purpose. And it joyfully prosecutes that purpose. We are physical expressions of All That Is seeking to expand its self-awareness. As such, we too can joyfully create our experiences as we move through our human lives.

We don’t have a choice about the expansion or the experience. But we do have a choice in how that experience happens, what’s included in it, what’s not, and how much we enjoy that experience. That’s our innate gift we give ourselves.

And when we choose to deliberately create experiences which bring us joy, then that experience of human life just gets better and better. Just as my clients are seeing in their lives. And as I’m seeing in mine. It’s the Charmed Life. And it’s available to everyone. Even trans people.

[transamorousnetwork]

No, Sexual Abuse Doesn’t Create Trans-Attracted People

Back in May I gushed about the Netflix Limited Series “Baby Reindeer”. My focus, obviously, wasn’t on the main plot, but the sub plot; that being the main character “Donny’s” trans-attraction. I gushed about it because I thought the entire series did a great job describing how shame and self-loathing can create a truly, sucky life.

Which is exactly what Donny lived.

While writing that series of posts, I received an interesting comment from a trans-attracted guy. The comment made a point I hadn’t considered. I hadn’t considered it because I don’t believe the point the writer made about trans attraction or about the show. So the point went right over my head.

I’m glad then, that the commenter made the point. It’s worth taking a closer look at it.

So let’s take a look at what he wrote, then unpack what he’s saying.

The comment

Reading between the lines of his comment, it’s clear the writer isn’t ashamed of his trans attraction. Not only that, it seems he’s out about it. That’s great. So here’s what he had to say. I’ve added some clarifications [in brackets] for reasons that will be obvious:

I was baffled at first that people kept asking me if I’d seen Baby Reindeer – I’ve never seen *any* must-see TV shows. Then I realised there was this cis-trans relationship subplot. People I know wanted to know how I felt about that because they know of my own orientation and dating experience… I thought [transgender actress] Nava Mau’s performance was fantastic and [her character] “Teri” was probably the only likable and relatable person in the show tbh. But I did feel that the show let her down in plot terms. No exposition at all for *why* the main character decided to go on a trans dating site. In an ideal world, sure, it would be unremarkable, but in the real world, it’s obviously not something everyone *just does*. And in that absence of explanation it felt uncomfortably like we were supposed to see it as some kind of sexual trauma response to his previous experiences as revealed in ep. 3. When, after their split, he hardly seemed to give her another thought, that seemed to reinforce that she was almost just a plot device to show him going through stages of trauma and self-questioning. Given that it’s based on a true story, of course, that may just be a reflection of this individual’s reality. And yes, that reality may reflect a wider reality of a lot of cis man/trans woman relationships. But I guess I’m just disappointed that the plotline in that regard always seems to be one of trauma, hangups, internalised shame, etc. That’s not at all my experience in my own relationship, and I’d like for once to see that portrayed! So as representation goes, yes, Teri was a triumph, but as a portrayal of a relationship between a trans woman and a trans-attracted man I felt it was a lot less positive.

Shallow thinking creates condemnation

I really like this guy’s perspective. And, he’s right. I believe a trend exists in the minds of people that trans attraction is a response to some unsavory past. Often, that past includes sexual “trauma”. And while that may be true for some, I don’t think that’s true for the majority of trans-attracted men.

The commenter, clearly, hasn’t had that experience. As well, most of the men I’ve worked with also don’t have sexual “trauma” they’re responding to. Many of them did experience an event which surfaced what may have previously been unconscious orientation behavior. But sexual abuse “trauma” doesn’t create trans attraction in people.

Take me, for example. I didn’t realize my trans-attraction until a girlfriend in Japan took me to a bar that featured trans go-go dancers. That doesn’t qualify as sexual trauma or abuse. But it did open my eyes to an aspect of who I was.

One could say the trope that trans-attracted men trans attracted because of past sexual abuse parallels the idea that trans women are just “men in a dress”. Like the latter, the former offers no introspection or analysis. Nor does it reveal any effort on the part of the speaker to understand trans attraction, nor the men (and women) who orient that way sexually. Such comments don’t point to a truth. They just represent shallow thinking on the part of the person expressing them.

Which is why they’re worthy of us ignoring them.

Another trope needing examination

Trans-attraction is just as valid as any other sexual orientation. For transgender people, it is an important orientation. That’s because such people represent perfect matches for trans people. And because of that, trans people can find love they desire.

I’ve written before about how every sock finds its shoe. The way the Universe works, no aspect of being goes unmatched. There always exists someone to match someone who wants to match with someone.

Now, some people do exist for which no match exists. Such people eventually discover they are happier without relationships. I’ve known women who, after dating men and women, for example, discover their best relationship is with themselves.

That’s a great realization to come to. But it often comes after trial and error. Because all of us are conditioned so strongly to have a relationship. Otherwise something is wrong with us. And that’s another expression that’s gone without much examination.

A lot more happiness would exist if people didn’t try fitting themselves into the box the peanut gallery prescribes. That goes for trans people, trans-attracted people and everyone else.

Stories DO create reality though

All that said, I did have a client who believed part of his experience in desiring trans women came from what HE considered to be sexual trauma involving a relative. After looking at what happened over several months, however, we discovered a couple things about that experience. One, such sexual experimentation between relatives is very common. It’s not sexual abuse. And two, his role in it was far less offensive than he was making it.

In other words, his stories about what happened shaped his judgments about what happened. They also shaped his self-judgement. A self-judgement so harsh he contemplated suicide many times. 

These days, however, this client is becoming more and more free of his negative stories. As a result he’s finding himself more comfortable accepting who he is, what he likes, and what happened in the past.

And that’s the point of all of this. Our stories create our realities. That’s why it’s so important looking at the stories we have. Looking at them we change those that create experiences we don’t like. Every experience we don’t like comes as a result of beliefs we hold. That means any experience we don’t like we have the power to change.

I think Donny, the main character in Baby Reindeer showed us this. By changing his stories he came to embrace who he was. The result not only transformed his life, it also produced a sensational hit streaming show.

Read my series on that show here: Post one, post two, three and four.

[transamorousnetwork]

The Hidden Life Of Trans Attraction Revealed In Daring “Baby Reindeer”

Baby Reindeer is an amazing show. The Netflix Limited Series tells a true story of an aspiring comedian and trans-attracted Britisher who makes his way through his extreme (this is film making after all) self-loathing, which lives alongside an equally sensitive emotional state.

And while events that unfold in the series are intense and in some cases hard to watch (and well depicted) they ring accurate for me, both as a Transamorous person and as someone who assists trans-attracted men with casting off their self-loathing and embracing who and what they are.

In this post, I want to share experiences I’ve heard from my clients. I want to compare them to what happens in Baby Reindeer and celebrate this show as an awesome milestone, one many in the trans community have been hoping for for years.

Fiction based on truth

First, let’s get this on the record: Baby Reindeer is HIGHLY FICTIONALIZED. It’s also dark, gritty and intense. That said, I find it an extremely accurate portrayal of trans-attracted men. How can I claim that?

Because I’ve talked with many trans-attracted men. I’ve also assisted such men get over their self-hatred, accept themselves and find peace with what they are. I’m also transamorous myself.

Many of us share similar characteristics. Chief among those: either an intense self-hatred or shame. We also share extremely fine-tuned emotional sensitivity. I believe that’s because we are a blend of both male and female energies, just as many trans women are. Nearly all the men I’ve spoken to or work with try first making a relationship work with cis women. Those nearly always end in break ups or divorce, leaving the men lonely, alone and having to face head-on their trans attraction. Finally, at least some of the men at one time or another contemplated ending it all before they turned their self-hatred or shame into acceptance.

Donny, the main character in Baby Reindeer, experiences all of these characteristics. If you’ve seen the show, then, you know Donny hates himself in the extreme. But his emotional sensitivity equals his self-hatred. This explains why Donny ends up enabling Martha, the stalker. He can’t bear seeing her pain. So he reacts to her in welcoming ways. The resonance he feels mirrors Martha’s self-loathing. And hers mirrors his. In other words, they’re a perfect match.

Donny also fails at romance with his cis girlfriend although they remain close friends afterwards. Donny doesn’t try killing himself, but his sexual rampage after getting raped very much reflects suicidal sentiment. He acknowledges this in the series.

Donny’s story may be fictionalized, but parts of it ring true for many trans-attracted men.

^^Baby Reindeer is number one on Netflix. (From Nava Mau's instagram.)

Rings true for me too…

My experience mirrors some of this too. Though “hating myself” would have been an over exaggeration, I did find myself in fairly intense feelings of shame. But that shame didn’t keep me from acting out on my trans attraction, late at night in bars, through personal ads and dating sites and in random encounters.

Like Donny, I too am emotionally sensitive. These days I’d call it “intuitive”. It makes me great at what I do for clients. My feminine energy is quite pronounced too. When expressing myself to those with keen gaydar, I’m often mistaken as gay (instead of queer). 

Can you see how that last part might cause trans-attracted men to double down on their shame? Trans-attracted men are not homosexual. But being mistaken as one can cause a guy to feel really confused…which is what happened to Donny by the way. 

Relationships with cis gender women litter my history too. Not all were horrible. But all fizzled. Looking back it’s no wonder. Especially when contrasted with how it feels being with a trans woman.

Thankfully killing myself never entered the picture. Even back then, I knew I had more to do calling me. Nevertheless, it’s clear to me that my trans attraction created situations trying to get my attention. Thank goodness I listened. This blog would not exist without me having heard their call.

A supportive trans woman is gold

It’s clear then that many trans-attracted men find themselves wracked by shame. Shame plus fear create a potent cocktail. It will literally cause these men to hide in the shadows. And, since many trans women consider these men the bane of their existence, these men, like Donny, end up suffering alone.

What’s interesting: the moment Donny confesses to himself and others all he’s been hiding, that hidden life evaporates. His freedom becomes pronounced. Trans-attracted men don’t need trans women to support them. But it sure makes the coming out easier. Which is exactly what happened in Baby Reindeer when Teri showed up.

Donny meets Teri through a trans dating site. She’s the breath of sanity and fresh air in the entire series. Played extraordinarily well by trans woman Nava Mau, the character both supports and challenges Donny. In my opinion, her support goes to the extreme. I won’t spoil the story. You should watch it.

The point is, a lesson exists in the Teri character for trans women. Even though Donny doesn’t use Teri’s support to move through his shame, and eventually loses her, that needn’t be the outcome of every potential cis-trans relationship. Indeed, as I’ve written before, I know many long-term relationships between trans-attracted/transamorous men and their transgender lovers.

I encourage trans women that if they want a man, they might want to help a trans-attracted man overcome his shame. It’s not an easy task. Some men can move through the process easier than others. But ultimately, as with Teri, the choice is the trans woman’s. Not every girl’s up for that.

Revealing and soothing

Baby Reindeer offers so much illumination on the subject of trans attraction. I don’t think Richard Gadd, the show’s creator, intended it to be about trans attraction per se. The show mainly focuses on Donny’s downward spiral, which ultimately ends with upliftment, all at the hands of an intense, long-term stalking episode. Still, so many things about trans attraction get revealed in this show, I’d say it’s a must watch for anyone wanting to understand a not-well-understood phenomena happening around and within the transgender community.

More than that, watching the series can do two really powerful things. One, it can soothe the really strong aversion many trans women have about such men, through giving them a sense of emotional understanding for what these men go through. Two, it can help the men better understand and accept themselves. And all that happens in a show that is beautiful, clever, surprising and, yes, revealing.

Go watch it.

[transamorousnetwork]

Girls: Why The Fuck Do We Tuck?

I recently found myself at the intersection of two converging trajectories or evolutions and while I can see the outcome approaching fast, I don’t know how I feel about it.

Hold onto your butts, we’re going in….

The first evolution was my discovery of dresses last summer.

I had bought a few dresses over the five years I have been out, but never really worn them. Until last summer, that is.

Some of these dresses were sleeveless and that’s where the problem first appeared.

Comfort in my skin

I had spent the first part of summer wearing short sleeve shirts and the result was a set of very pasty shoulders and tanned forearms.

I looked like a farmer…in a bad way:

^^You say Farmer Tan, I say Ombré Skin Art

So this summer I decided to even out that tan by spending a few minutes each day in the sun in my bikini. The road to degeneracy is, however, paved with good intentions. Changing into a bikini and then back into clothes mid morning started becoming tiresome. So I started just stripping down to my panties and lying in the sun on our private balcony. This resulted in a nice light tan across my entire body except my butt which was extremely pale.

And that’s how I ended up naked, on the balcony in the sun, daily.

This naked sunbathing made me consider my body and how I felt about myself. The act of slowing down and being quiet outside did make me think that naturists are on to something and I am way more comfortable with myself now.

Ladies, if you ever feel unattractive, spend 15 minutes on your back and 15 minutes on your tummy in the sun daily. By the end of summer you will be more comfortable in your skin. There is just something about having sunshine and a light breeze on your naked skin that improves your confidence. At least it did for me.

And next summer I may join a naturist group.

Okay, so I hope y’all into TMI, because we are about to overshare.

“My filly blunt”

The other evolution is a little complicated. Transition is a slow evolutionary process. During this summer, perhaps triggered in part by my nude sunbathing or other factors, my sexuality, or rather my sexual expression, started to surface again.

Let me explain.

When switching your governing hormone your sexuality does some strange stuff. Since starting HRT my entire understanding of my own sexuality and how I express it has been completely rewritten. There was a period, shortly after I started HRT, where I almost completely lost interest in anything sexual. Then about two years ago a slow process of re-emergence started.

Slowly the lights have been coming on again so to speak.

When this happened I noted a shift in who I was attracted to, how I was attracted to them and how I thought about and experienced sex.

I also started to engage with my sexuality and its expression in new ways. An example of this is that I now find pleasure in erotic images of myself. I enjoy sharing erotic but tasteful artistic pictures with my partner. To be blunt, I started sending artsy dick-pics to my partner.

^^Censorship is the antithesis of free speech and must be resisted in all its manifold forms, specifically this form that deprives the viewer of the majestic image that has been redacted.

Oh and if you’re wondering, judging by the response, dick-pics are just one more thing women just do better than men.

Okay, enough waffling about sunbathing and erotic art, this isn’t an art blog or a sunlight therapy woo page on Facebook. This is a transsexual blog and I know you’re here for the same reasons Republicans and Gender Criticals go to Pornhub.

You’re here for the girl-dick.

So let’s talk about this filly’s blunt.

Exploring my nudity

I can’t speak for men but judging by the quality of the examples of the masculine dick-pics I have seen, men don’t think about their genitals in the same way women do. I think for men a picture of their genitals is a visual cv for their sexual qualities.

They are functional images. Its this big, its this long and its shaped in this manner which will have this effect on you when I use it in these ways. Lighting, context, focus and composition are all lost in the singular pursuit of graphic exposure. The male dick-pic is the construction drawing of nude art.

Before transition I didn’t understand the dick-pic. I assumed it was a matter of dysphoria. Showing nudes of myself that featured my penis just felt uncomfortable and ugly.

I hated it.

However, this summer I decided to explore the art of nude self portraits. I had seen a particular content creator on Instagram who specifically makes erotic self portraits via photography and I like her stuff, so I decided to try it myself.

Over the last few months, whenever I have been inspired, I have taken photos of myself in various states of undress.

“Proudly displaying their junk”

One of the things I noted very quickly was that I didn’t have that alien feeling when genitals were visibly in the images, either explicitly or implied by “the bulge”. In fact, I started to see the beauty in these photos. I didn’t see a person struggling with discordant genitals or pathetically resigned to the misery of not being able to do anything about her penis.

I legitimately saw a naked woman with a beautiful dick.

Of course the question that raised itself to me was, did I find this girl-dick beautiful because its mine and attached to me or was it all girl-dicks that had suddenly become beautiful?

My questions led me to the Trans-HiveMind.

I went back to Tumblr.

And on Tumblr I found a lot of girl-dick.

I found trans women proudly displaying their junk and trans women not so proudly displaying their junk with captions asking “would you still date me if you knew about my dick?”

Looking at these images I noted the “would you date a trans woman” posts are as tragic as those Only Fans Milfs on Insta who aim their content at middle-aged dude’s crotches.

Ladies, men don’t need begging.

Why the Fuck do we Tuck?

The posts made by trans women who are clearly comfortable with their genitals on the other hand are beautiful. In fact they are as beautiful as images of women with vaginas.

However, this is not an article to sing the praises of and promote the beauty of girl-dick.

I have far more sinister motives than that and we already know girl-dick is gorgeous.

What I am saying is girl-dick is no less desirable or beautiful or feminine than girl-vagina and when we accept this simple truth, we must ask: Why the Fuck do we Tuck?

We don’t tuck because our genitals are ugly.

We don’t tuck because it’s comfortable.

We don’t even tuck because we suffer dysphoria.

Rock it unapologetically

We tuck because we have been told by heteronormative society that women have vaginas and if your crotch isn’t a smooth, flat front then you are a man.

We have internalized the idea that we cannot be beautiful women when we have a little extra in our undies. We believe men see us, trans women, as second class because we don’t have a genital configuration that ignorance and regressive societal rules have mandated as the gold standard.

Today’s gaff is, for trans women, no different from last century’s whale boned corset for cis women. We don’t need to squeeze our organs into new positions and uncomfortable contortions to be beautiful. We don’t have to mould ourselves to the society’s regressive ideas to be beautiful.

We simply need to rock that bulge unapologetically and one day, society will catch up.

One day, a trans woman is going to walk down the catwalk at Paris Fashion week untucked and no one is going to bat an eye about the girl-dick.

Well, maybe I do know how I feel about the outcome of that intersection now.

Maybe I want to say: Vive le pénis féminin!

[transamorousnetwork]

The Best Trans Girlfriend: Played By Nava Mau

I’m very near the end of gushing about Netflix’s Baby Reindeer. Just two more things need mentioning about this wonderful show. It’s wonderful because, as mentioned in the last post, Baby Reindeer reveals underlying causes keeping nearly all trans-attracted men in the shadows.

Primary among those causes is self loathing. Self loathing is as common among transgender women as it is among trans-attracted men. Which is one dimension across which both groups represent perfect matches.

But that’s another story; one I’ve shared many times. In this story, I want to focus on Teri, the transgender character played by Nava Mau. I’m going to crush a little on the actress too. So bear with me.

Alright, here we go.

Trans women and the power they possess

Speaking of crushing, this blog asserts over and over that trans women possess a unique power. Especially when they embrace all that they are. I’ve seen trans-attracted men literally transformed for the better because of that power. This power also partly explains why trans-attracted men who enjoy the pleasure of actually dating a trans woman finds himself so smitten to the core.

Teri, whom Donny, Baby Reindeer’s main character, meets on a dating website, is exactly the kind of trans woman I’m writing about. She’s self assured, measured and clear-headed. It helps, of course that she’s a therapist. Which also tells us she’s got some baggage herself. Therapists become therapists for a reason. And really good therapists are really good for that same reason.

Anyway, Teri’s at first open minded. She’s eager to get to know Donny, even though he’s presenting a totally bogus version of himself. That’s because he’s deeply shameful of his attraction. Which is interesting because Nava Mau is gorgeous in the extreme. And, to me, totally passable.

That doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. For a trans-attracted man dealing with his shame, however, it would seem Teri is a great match because she looks convincingly like a cis woman. Still, Donny tries Teri’s patience. She sees right through his lies, but goes along anyway. I presume she’s hoping to meet the real Donny eventually.

^^Nava Mau (Instagram)

Trans women: helping the men helps you

Which brings me back to the power of trans women. Listen ladies, if you want to be with a man, many such men exist who will love you out loud exactly as you are. But many more need some training. If you’re willing to, helping a guy get through his shame can create a lasting, deep love.

It also, however, can lead to disastrous outcomes. Which is why I advocate a particular approach to relationships. One that first starts with the relationship with yourself. Get that stable and it’s really easy to create any kind of relationship you want. Including with a guy. But if your relationship with yourself is wobbly, you can’t access that power, that focus that literally can turn a man into a prime relationship candidate.

There’s no reason a trans woman who wants to be with a man can’t be with one. But disempowering beliefs will put the kibosh on that goal every time. Those who tell positive stories – about themselves, about their man and their relationship – can literally create the ideal relationship from one that seems deeply flawed.

After all, we all meet our matches in the moment we meet them. That means every relationship we get into is a match. We might not like what that relationship contains, but isn’t it true that in every failed relationship we are the common denominator? That means we and we alone can change the relationship, because we are the focus of it.

And if that’s available to us, why keep running through guys? Why not instead choose a guy and walk with him through his struggles? Maybe he’ll do the same for you.

Bring on an ass kicking

This is what Teri tries to do. And for a while it works. But then Donny does something so freaking disgusting, even I was shocked when it happened. I won’t ruin the show with a spoiler. I’ll just say for Teri, it was the final straw. Later in the series we see her again, dating another guy.

Nava Mau surprised me as an actress. I was confused when she first appeared because my radar pinged her as trans, but she passed so completely. Her acting, however, really won me over. It was so passionate, so spirited. So raw. I wonder if she drew on her own experiences dating men. Looking at her Instagram profile, she may be into women. If that’s the case, she’s an even better actress.

I particularly enjoyed that the show portrayed her as a professional, with her own home and her own life. What also surprised me though was when she and Donny’s stalker squared off in one espisode, I expected Teri to beat the living daylights out of that girl.

That wouldn’t have been consistent with the plot though. So I can see why her character didn’t give that crazy stalker an ass kicking. Still, many of the trans women I’ve met not only are smart and capable, they’re more than willing to bring an ass kicking to the table if necessary. Which is another thing I admire about certain trans women: they’re tough. They have to be given what many go through.

It’s just too bad so many let what they go through also shape their expectations, especially in the dating realm. Which is why I started this blog.

Meeting our match isn’t coincidence

Now let’s be clear. Plenty of trans women like Teri exist in the world. Read that again men. If you’re not meeting them, it’s because you’re not a match to them. They have things going on. While you may find them on online dating sites, I don’t think they’re at bars. So finding them means letting go of preconceived notions about how to date. It also means letting go of the idea that you know where to find her.

Meeting such women usually means such connections happening by “chance”. People like that term “chance”. “Coincidence” is another word they love. From The Transamorous Network’s perspective, however, chance and coincidence aren’t real. What’s really happening when a trans woman suddenly appears on our path is in that moment we’ve allowed our desire for relationship dominate expectations that such a relationship isn’t possible.

In other words, the Universe is showing us that what we think is impossible is, in fact, possible. Which explains why usually, when such meetings happen, the girl is with someone already. It’s not that she’s meant for us, she’s meant to show us what’s available; when we let go of stories keeping what’s available on the horizon.

I say if you want a transgender partner, the best approach is letting it happen naturally, not trying to make it happen. Trying to make it happen brings us matches matching ALL we are – warts and all. Better to let it happen in divine timing, a timing that also allows us to become better matches.

So that when our match does show up, the match has more of what we want than what we don’t.

[transamorousnetwork]

Trans Women Wanted A Movie About Trans-Attracted Men: They Got One

A big complaint about trans-attracted men has been that they’re too chicken shit to come out and own their trans-attraction. Some celebrities have come out acknowledging their attraction to trans women, or have been outed by others. And, at least several trans-attracted men I know are out loud about their orientation. One wrote a book about his attraction. Another has a book in the works.

Still, the trans community generally has expressed dismay that trans-attracted men remain scared to out themselves. Trans women say if more did, society would accept transgender women more. Some trans women even express interest in someone making a movie about the subject.

Years ago, The Crying Game was that movie. It was pretty good as far as it went.

But Richard Gadd’s Baby Reindeer, which debuted on Netflix last month, took the genre to a whole freaking other level. Trans women got their wish, again.

Let’s take a look at what I think is a tour de force in LGBTQ cinema for many, many, many reasons. Over the next few posts, I’m going to weigh in on this magnificent limited series from multiple angles.

Spoil alerts!

Talking about the show without giving away spoilers would be really tough. In this post, I’ll do my best to avoid spoiling the really good parts. I can’t promise I’ll do so in the next posts. You should go watch it, therefore.

Baby Reindeer features a main character named Donny. He’s a bartender and aspiring comedian. One day a woman comes into the bar. But this is no joke. Donny immediately perceives she’s having a hard time. That woman turns out to be a major stalker who ends up stalking Donny for years. Donny’s relationship with this woman seems like the main plot.

But another one overwhelms the stalker story in my opinion. That one, we discover, is Donny’s trans attraction, how he discovered it and what happens as he tries to overcome his MASSIVE, INTENSE and world-shaping shame and self-loathing.

^^Baby Reindeer: Number one on Netflix. From Actress Nava Mau’s Instagram profile (Photo from Instagram). 

It’s a true story

What’s really good about this is Baby Reindeer is a true story. It’s also HIGHLY fictionalized. Still, Gadd, the creator, did a great job fleshing out all the characters, making them believable, nuanced and many-layered. No villains exist here, which is good because villains and victims both are fictions. Everyone creates their reality.

The reason I love that Baby Reindeer is true is that it offers deep insight into the lives of trans-attracted men. Now, not all men who are attracted to trans women are like the guy depicted in the series. Still, of the dozens of men I’ve spoken to or worked with, some things do ring true, things portrayed in the main character’s personality.

At least 60 percent of the men I’ve spoken to or worked with have divergent sexual experiences. Not all of them were “abused”. But many experimented with avant-garde sexual practices. This includes experimenting with male siblings at a young age (which is more common than I thought), fantasizing about sexual acts with their mothers, or even being curious about acts with animals.

At least two of my trans-attracted clients experienced suicidal ideation borne of extreme self-loathing. At a key moment in the series, Donny says he goes through everything he experiences because of his intense self hatred. I’ll revisit the power of self-directed hatred later. It’s important.

The point here isn’t that trans-attracted men are weird or sick. It’s that they came here with a curiosity around a subject most people find so taboo, their beliefs on the subject are intense and likely to trigger harsh judgements. They also cause extreme conservatism towards sex, even though some of those same people who harbor taboo perspectives on these curiosities act out the curiosities themselves. I know this because they often get caught.

Self-loathing common among many

There’s a lot of harsh judgement in Baby Reindeer. Donny does the worst of it, which causes his life trajectory to careen into darkness.

Avid readers of this blog who watch the show will notice that Donny acknowledges as the cause of all the shit that goes down, his extremely intense self-hatred. Again, in one revealing and powerful scene, he admits loving his self-hatred more than anything else, including other people, including himself.

That’s a powerful acknowledgment.

Many trans-attracted men share this powerful hatred. It may not be as intense as it is portrayed in Donny’s life. After all, the story is highly fictionalized. But it’s still there in many trans-attracted men and still intense. That intense emotion always attracts circumstances matching the vibration underneath hatred. And many people have self hatred going on in them. Especially transgender women.

So when watching the show it should be no surprise to anyone that Donny experiences all that he does: failure in his relationship with a cis woman; failure in his dreams to become a comedian; rape at the hands of a male predator; a crazy stalker, and, generally, a fucked up life. It’s all fascinating to watch, painful at times, but so spot on about how the Universe works.

Self-loathing is what makes people “victims”. Remember, there aren’t any victims because people draw to them through their beliefs experiences they live through. “Victims” are vibrational matches to “perpetrators”. Together, they perform a dance, a dance that can destroy and even end in death.

Lives created through self-loathing

Such experiences attempt to alert the person to what’s going on in them. No one can create an experience outside their persistent beliefs. That’s why we encourage clients to clean up their beliefs. Doing so can dramatically improve one’s life experience. Especially in love.

But if a person holds beliefs like Donny does, that person’s experience will look much like the character’s life. The experiences will start as much less intense. Ignored though, and they will increase in intensity. The person will then feel unsatisfied or “unlucky”. In that dissatisfaction, they’ll complain about their life. They’ll see only the worst happening. And in that focus, they’ll invite even more unfortunate experiences.

This often plays out in comments to this blog. I’ll offer absolutely overwhelming evidence the majority of people support trans people, for example, and nearly every commenter will double down on their focus. A focus on things proving their beliefs that the world is against them is “true”. Even though ample evidence shows it’s not.

What those people don’t understand is, that focus is exactly why they experience these experiences. And no one need experience them! Except those who are matches to those experiences.

Getting what they wanted

Baby Reindeer is an amazing movie about trans attraction. And I haven’t even mentioned the spectacular performance delivered by the beautiful transgender actress Nava Mau. I recommend every trans woman watch Baby Reindeer. Every trans-attracted man should too. Maybe those men will see themselves in the Donny character and do something that will help them change their own life experiences.

There’s so much more I can write about this spectacular series. And I’m going to do so in the next post. In the meantime, go watch it. It’s on Netflix.

If you have seen it, share your perspective. What did you think? One client who watched it, watched all seven episodes in one night. Afterwards he could only text me one word: Fascinating.

Transgender women have been asking for a movie like this for a long time. Well, they got one.

[transamorousnetwork]

How Dune Might Actually Be The Best Trans Movie

It is not possible to say whether Frank Herbert had a transgender agenda in mind when he envisioned Dune in 1965, but his idea of the Kwisatz Haderach, whom his main character Paul Atreides is discovered to be, is a perfect metaphor for the current rhetoric surrounding queer, trans and non-binary bodies.

While Mr. Herbert’s magnum opus has been analyzed and dissected in countless ways and through the lenses of many different philosophical, anthropological and social studies, it is important to point out that ultimately, the author has rested the fate of his galactic world in the hands of a human who transcends gender.

The Kwisatz Haderach, the savior of the Empire, is a trans/non-binary person, and it is actually because and through this subject’s trans-ness that they bring peace to the universe.

What is the Kwisatz Haderach?

Within the magical world of Dune (1965), an elite sisterhood of space witches, the Bene Gesserit, hold to a prophesy: that the sisterhood will genetically cultivate a male member of their sisterhood. That male will end the thousand-year-long feud between royal houses.

The Bene Gesserit, being female, can access only feminine aspects of their consciousness and eternal memories. But this male will be able to access both the male and female regions of knowledge. The Bene Gesserit’s hundreds-of-years-long breeding program eventually fulfills its prophesy: They end up producing their prophet, the Kwisatz Haderach in the human Paul Atreides.

Paul Atreides eventually does evolve female/male consciousness. That consciousness allows him to bridge time and space. With the blending of Paul’s gender also comes unbelievable knowledge and power. By becoming something outside of the gender binary, Paul discovers and launches both a terrifying and thrilling new human reality.

As Elana Gormel says in Science (Fiction) and Posthuman Ethics: Redefining the Human. The European Legacy (2011) “The post-man subject is both a vision of the future and an echo of the past.” (p340) Thus Paul becomes a non-binary, post-human entity capable of all knowledge. With that knowledge comes tremendous power.

Further commonalities with trans people

If gender is indeed a “norm” as Judith Butler says in Undoing Gender, “Gender Regulations,” (2004) and “a norm operates within social practices as the implicit standard of normalization” (p41) Then Paul can be seen as the echo of the gender binary that produced him. The same binary construct that dictates his life. That is, until he assumes the opposite gender’s consciousness.

However, the parallels between Paul’s experience and the trans experience do not end here. Despite being a conscientious person, Paul, like many trans people, is shoved into society’s margins, just as all minorities have been historically shoved in our reality.

Through all this, Paul doesn’t only think like a trans person, his experience very much mirrors the trans experience. Like trans women of color and non-binary folk, he is pushed to the limits of survivability: out into the desert, the wastes of Dune. Dune, also known as Arrakis, is seen as a backwater itself. The Empire only values its spice. The desert waste Paul finds himself in is even more desolate than the planet itself.

But what he finds there is a rich culture, much like trans people find among themselves. A culture that embraces and enriches him, further expanding what he is (the Kwisatz Haderach). It’s in the desert among the Fremen that the Kwisatz Haderach really comes into its fullness. Much like how trans people often blossom once they find their place among those like them.

Exile’s end brings peace

But after many years living and creating a community with all the other unfortunate souls hiding, but thriving, in Dune’s wasteland, it is Paul’s ultimate return to the very mainstream civilization that exiled him that brings an end to an era of conflict.

To quote Butler once again, “Persons are regulated by gender. To veer from the gender norm is to produce the aberrant example that regulatory powers […] may quickly exploit to shore up the rationale for their own continuing regulatory zeal.” Imitation & Gender Insubordination (1990) (p317).

In Dune, the emperor repersents the ultimate of regulatory powers. But he uses the Harkonens and his Sardukar to express those powers. But Paul’s outside-the-binary-norm status grants him sufficient power to resist the emperor. To resist him and ultimately defeat him. In doing so the Kwisatz Haderach introduces a new set of norms.

It could be said trans people undergo a similar path. Not all of them succeed, of course. That must be acknowledged. In fact, a fairly small number do, if we measure success as “significantly influencing a societal expansion beyond binary consciousness.” That influence success often looks like severe push-back from the binary.

And isn’t that what we’re seeing today in the resistance brought towards Dylan Mulvaney and others who achieve mainstream status? How about reactions towards trans kids and their parents?

The rise of the power inherent in trans people

Perhaps this is what Dune’s Kwisatz Haderach represents. After years living on the “outside,” Paul comes back to the palace he once inhabited. He confronts the royals, the Bene Gesserit sisterhood, and the powers that expelled him. He asserts his place as the rightful heir and ruler of the Arrakis. Then he exerts his dominance throughout the empire for thousands of years. It should be noted that his rule goes way off the rails after that. But that’s another story.

We see trans people have this kind of influence today. Laverne Cox, for example and other transgender actresses are influencing Hollywood. Trans women are significantly changing business, science and technology and more. They’re doing so with changes that have altered humankind’s trajectory.

And this is where the metaphor between Paul and the trans experience reaches its apogee. As more trans people own and expresss their authenticity, much like Paul does as the Kwisatz Haderach, we could perhaps bring stability to the increasingly unequal and unbalanced social and economic structures that people find so oppressive. So oppressive they become vulnerable to leaders who use marginalized people as scapegoats for people’s suffering, thereby gaining control over the suffering masses.

Frank Herbert created the savior for his fictional world as the Kwisatz Haderach. Perhaps he was aware that there already is such a being in the real world: the trans people living among us. Perhaps he wasn’t aware. In any case, the comparisons between his Kwisatz Haderach and trans lives are hard to ignore. As is the newest installment of the Dune Franchise, which is in theaters now. Go watch it.

[transamorousnetwork]

How To Be Safe And Date As A Trans Woman

Dear TTN, 

I am a trans woman who recently found your service through an online search. I love the idea of what you are trying to accomplish. It seems like you have had a lot of success with helping individuals find each other and then find love. There is something that worries me though. With everything going on in our country right now it can be dangerous to be openly trans and looking for a partner. Not all people are as open and accepting as you. So here’s my questions: When connecting men to trans women how do you know it’s genuine? How do you know the man doesn’t have ulterior motives? Is there a vetting process? 

 I just want to be safe.

 Thank You,

  Safe-T

Hey Safe-T,

Thanks for reaching out. I appreciate your concerns. How The Transamorous Network process works is much different than the way, it seems, you’re thinking it works.

By the end of this description, I think you’ll see there is no risk at all wrt meeting someone who would pose a danger to you. It will also show why I have “a lot of success” with helping people find the love they are looking for.

I help the people I work with, both transgender women and trans-attracted/transamorous men, move through various stages of becoming a match to the person they want to meet. So none of them are ready to be “matched” with a potential partner in real life at first.

Trying to match them in person with potential partners would be very challenging because of this. They can only find and resonate with what they’re putting out (i.e. their match). And most of my clients start off as NOT being a match to who they ultimately want as partners. So trying to put together an in-person match would fail way more than it succeeds. This explains why online dating has such dismal success. People only meet people they’re a match to. And most people aren’t ready to meet that perfect person. Including clients.

So that’s the first point.

The second point supports the first. Because of what I just described above, I don’t “literally” match people with potential partners in person. That would be far too difficult. I would need a HUGE stable of potential matches. But even if I did have such a stable, the chances of such “matches” working out would be very, very slim.

What I do instead is help people on both sides of the trans-community dating dynamic change how they think about the people on the other side of the dynamic. In other words, I help the men better understand the woman they want to meet, mostly by first understanding themselves. I do the same with transgender women. In doing that, gradually, both the men and the women find themselves increasingly meeting better matches “spontaneously” or “coincidentally”. However, the approach I use doesn’t acknowledge “coincidence” in the way society generally means when using that word.

What happens is, as clients change their stories, they become better matches to the kinds of people they want to meet. As they do that, the physical world, which is a reflection of one’s internal, psychic or mental state, includes potential partners that are, again, increasingly better and better matches. This naturally results when one improves their internal, psychic or mental state. Because the external world is a reflection of that inner world.

This process usually takes a while, as all things usually do in physical reality. That’s mainly because it takes people a while to acknowledge stories (beliefs, thoughts, ideas) about themselves, about being trans, being trans-attracted, about relationships, about potential partners, etc. are creating their reality. They also must contend with the momentum of whatever current disempowering stories they have about these subjects, which are being reflected back to them in their now-reality and must therefore be contended with before improvement shows up.

But through the process, this improvement and progress becomes obvious. Evidence proving its working quickly piles up until it becomes undeniable. In time, then, people begin relaxing with the process instead of resisting it. Then they ease beliefs that are contrary to what they want.

As they do this, one of the pieces of evidence that shows up is, prospective partners – their quality, character, etc. – start improving. As that happens, clients relax more (give up more resistance). Eventually, physical reality MUST present the client with an ideal partner, or partners, if that’s what they want, since physical reality is a reflection of one’s internal, psychic or mental state.

This is why I have so much success with both sides of the trans-community dating dynamic. I help clients address the source from which their dating experience emerges, rather than trying to figure out whether this person or that person will be their ideal match. Their ideal match shows up automatically, once the client gets their stories to match what it is they want.

Ultimately, every date represents a perfect match. They always reflect back to us who we’re dominantly being. So if a person is meeting people they don’t like, the problem isn’t in the people they’re meeting. The person is the problem.

They’re also the solution.

So, presuming you’re still reading 🙂 you can see how the risk of meeting someone posing a danger to you would be impossible with my approach. It simply can’t happen, because the client is predisposed, mentally, psychically to not meet such people as a result of the process we use. Then physical reality only brings people who are a match to that predisposition.

[transamorousnetwork]

Why “Transgender” Will Never Go Away, And Neither Will “Trans-Attraction”

A very deep, eternal and enduring force drives the increasing number of children coming out as trans. It has nothing to do with “grooming”. It has nothing to do with “indoctrination”. The real reason surprises most people because few understand it.

Transgender people have always been, and they will forever be. That’s because they, and everything else, come from a single Source. That Source has good reasons for the increasing number of transgender children coming into the world.

So the questions we should be asking are: What is this Source and why is it sending so many transgender children into world right now?”

Answering these questions will do something else. It will make judging the phenomena as “right” or “wrong”, “moral” or “immoral” superfluous. Until we answer these questions, transgenderism will confound those unwilling to understand the origin.

So let’s see where we can turn to answering these questions.

The origin of “trans”

Over the last 30 years I pursued such questions, though not specifically about transgenderism. Instead I focused on my trans-attraction. Discoveries I made are startling. But they’re also extremely empowering. Everything told to me by experts who have guided my pursuit has proven accurate. I document my journey in my other blog. My client’s experiences mirror my own documented discoveries. So I know my experiences are real. These experiences form the basis of my understanding of where “transgender” comes from and why.

The reason “transgender” is, is because transgender people represent the furthest forward expression of humanity. It is an expression of spiritual consciousness; a consciousness wanting to go beyond what has come before. So transgenderism represents spiritual consciousness going beyond past expressions of humanity.

While some transgender people want to be seen and appreciated as “women”, being transgender is not a homogeneous experience. Many want to fit in with “women”, but non-binary transgender people exist too. As do people presenting all kinds of combinations of gender expression, yet still calling themselves “trans”.

Evidence backing my claims, again, comes from personal exploration. Much of it defies description. That’s because language can’t adequately express experiences I’ve had. Evidence also comes from my mentors. Beings who have long given up corporeal existence. They once were human, but have now moved beyond that.

^^“Trans” is a spiritual experience. (Photo by Kyle on Unsplash)

The Source of my knowledge

My mentors are Abraham and Seth. Both describe themselves as “energy personality essences” who speak from “nonphysical”. Nonphysical is the “place” from which all physical phenomena emerges, including humans.

Seth and Abraham are teachers. They enjoy expanded consciousness through which they help beings like me expand my awareness. But only when we’re ready. Until then, what they share is largely unknown. Which explains why few know about them. And why even fewer believe or practice what they say.

YYears ago I asked Abraham directly my trans attraction. I did so at a public workshop they held. They offered an explanation almost identical to what Seth said in their writings.

On stage at their San Diego event, I asked Abraham: “why am I attracted to transgender women?” Abraham’s answer was, to paraphrase: Because you’re here to express a new vantage point for consciousness, one that’s never been expressed before.

Seth expressed similar sentiment, but from a more general perspective in their writings.

The leading edge

Seth when active was extremely prolific in creating content. They went to great lengths to explain, in minute detail, how reality works. In discussing the basic reality behind all physical phenomena, they had a lot to say. Here are relevant quotes hinting at transgenderism’s origins:

“Basic reality cannot know itself without creating diversity. The diversity is the various forms that reality takes, the various systems within which it expresses itself through projecting itself into infinite individualized experience.”

Further, Seth explains that each human possesses an “inner self” then adds:

“Each inner self is a portion of the basic inner reality. It cannot know itself, however, except through experience, and it must create in order to experience. The experience constantly deepens the value fulfillment of basic reality itself. [So] There is no alternative between diversity and nothingness.”

Basic inner reality then has no choice but to create. It must continually do so. Humanity is a product of this inner reality creating itself to know itself. Diversity of creation, taken in total, allows this inner reality a fuller picture of itself.

Seth says this basic inner reality can never fully know itself. Therefore it forever keeps creating to know itself. But in doing so, it creates more of it self that it seeks to know. So diversity of expression then, Seth is saying, is automatic, essential and ever-becoming more.

^^Basic inner reality is constantly creating more of itself.

The joy of transgender born of basic inner reality

Seth continues:

“That which is, is constantly aware of its growing, surging existence, through the diversity of experience which it creates constantly and simultaneously. You are part of that which is, you are that which is. It is impossible for any part of that which is not to be individualized. Every part of that which is, is alive, and knows itself.”

So it makes no sense for “that which is” to keep creating the same thing over and over. It must, instead, create anew. But it does so with current creation as its foundation. When it does create, that which is created appears to flow from what is.

Biological male and female exist. But those distinctions are superficial in the extreme. They only exist to further procreation, the process by which basic inner reality introduces itself as individualized existence into its creation. Beyond that, gender is meaningless.

That explains why a person can come into the world as “male” but feel they are “female”. The energy that makes the person IS female, or better said, expressing as feminine. It comes into the world in a new, unique perspective. A perspective presenting as “male” physically, but also aware of a dominantly energetic-essence feminine aspect, offers “that which is” a new, unique perspective. One divergent from male/female.

Each expression of “that which is” is individualized. That means each person’s experience is new unto the Universe. So even though many transgender people exist, each individual transgender person is a UNIQUELY, NEW experience for “that which is”. 

And so, the reason more transgender people are showing up among young people is two-fold. The first reason is because now is a perfect time for such beings to enjoy the experience. The other reason is because of the focus being leveled on the experience itself.

All That Is loves this, even if you don't

I’ve said before, whatever we focus on gets bigger. Right now, a LOT of people are focused on the trans phenomena, including transgender people themselves. All that focus then is drawing more individualized expressions of “that which is” to the experience.

In other words, the more people push against and revel in transgender expression, the more of it will show up. Until “that which is” fully expresses all it wants to in that permutation of expression. What’s wonderful about “that which is” is, it never can fully express itself. So we can count on “transgender” being here, at high levels, for some time.

As every expression has a corresponding response, “transgender” has a corresponding experience which “that which is” is also enjoying. It’s called “trans-attraction”. In other words, as it expresses itself as trans, “that which is” wants to experience that expression from as many “angles” as possible. This explains why parents are having trans children. It’s why siblings are having trans brothers and sisters. It’s why Christians and Republicans are facing the experience too, from their unique angle.

This also explains “trans-attraction.” Trans-attraction wouldn’t exist without transgender people existing. Trans-attraction is “that which is” experiencing “transgender” from a brand new perspective. One called “romance” or “attraction”.

And this explains why many trans-attracted men are so bewildered by their experience. Most focus exclusively on their “human” experience. They mostly ignore their spiritual experience. Another word for “spiritual” is “basic inner reality”.

But the spiritual experience is always there. And it strongly influences the human one. That’s why trans-attracted people find resisting their attraction challenging. It’s also why transgender people must transition. Their Broader Perspective, that spiritual Source of all they are, craves this experience. It craves the “transgender” experience. It craves the trans-attraction experience. Both cravings are undeniable.

Trans-attraction and transgender are both here to stay

That’s why I say trans-attraction is normal and wholesome. It is a full-on expression of All That Is as it seeks to know itself. And that’s why when trans-attraction is expressed and consummated, we trans-attracted men feel so freaking good. The same is true when transgender people transition and feel the relief in doing so. 

If more transgender women understood what I’ve written here, they could enjoy attention such men give them. Some could give up loathing themselves. They could help the men express themselves better. And they could help such men be more comfortable with themselves.

In the process, they can find more joy AND the love they yearn for. For “transgender” and “trans-attraction” are reflections of each other. They are both an expression of All That Is knowing itself. And when that knowing is expressed, great joy results for everyone invovled. Just ask any transgender woman in a long-term relationship with a trans-attracted/transamorous man. Like this couple:

^^Yes, trans-attracted men and transgender women can find happiness

As long as transgender women push against such attention, however, transgender women do exactly what conservatives are doing: they just draw from All That Is more trans-attracted men. Just as conservatives are responsible for attracting into the world more transgender kids. It’s a wonderful formula through which All That Is becomes more, and in the process expands its awareness of itself.

“Transgender” as an expression of the basic inner reality is here to stay. All That Is revels in it. It will never go away. And neither will trans-attraction.

[transamorousnetwork]

Most Trans-Attracted Men Don’t Know What They’re Doing. Forgive Them.

If you’ve read posts here before, you get a sense of our perspective. Humans create everything in our experience. Including other people. But nearly all of us are doing that unaware that’s what we’re doing. So we blame the world around us, and other people, for our troubles. All the while not realizing when we do that, we create more trouble for ourselves.

Tremendous amounts of power lie hidden in that very true synopsis of our perspective. 

Trans-attracted men (and transgender women) are no exception to this. Most of us think the world around us some objective thing. It’s separate from us, not springing out of us as a reflection of our inner state. So it’s not a wonder trans-attracted men will react to inner awareness with fear. Their basis for self understanding is external, as it is for most of us. It doesn’t matter that that basis is flawed, which it is. When they notice something about themselves, they will consult the world around them for what’s true.

Transgender women do this too.

Unfortunately, the world around them will tell them they are the problem. Then, trying to fit in, they’ll hide this new awareness, or try changing it. Social ostracism, for the uninitiated trans-attracted guy, is a terrible thing. Familial ostracism is even worse. Ostracism from one’s manliness is an even morefearsome thing. No wonder such men struggle accepting what they are. Just like many transgender women.

It’s meant this way

But the world IS a reflection. And like all reflections, it’s an illusion. The paradox of this world though, is, if you walk onto a freeway, cars zooming toward you will kill you. So we must all contend with the powerful “reality” we put ourselves in that feels so real…when it’s, at the same time, not at all real.

After all, if we knew it wasn’t real coming in, the benefit of life would not be ours, would it? So we hypnotize ourselves into this “kill you” part of the paradox.

Meanwhile, the reflection serves us all. It aids in our becoming better versions of ourselves. “Better versions” look like increasingly pure expressions of divine intelligence. More direct expressions of All That Is, in other words.

“Trans” and “trans attraction” represent this purer, more direct expression. What do you think Divine Intelligence, or All That Is, looks like anyway? A grey-bearded white guy?

NO!

All That Is is “TRANS gender”. It comprises both genders while simultaneously rising above them all. It is more than the sum of its (infinite parts).

And so are we.

^^Physical reality is an illusion…that can kill you. (Photo by Chris Barbalis on Unsplash)

Back to the guys

Trans-attracted men are identical to transgender women when viewed from this perspective. They are on similar paths. You could say they are on different aspects of the same path. No one’s murdering these guys, sure. But again, it’s not the SAME path! It’s a DIFFERENT ASPECT of the same path. We could even call it a COMPLEMENTARY aspect.

In other words, while transgender people need no protectors, trans-attracted men can complement them in off-the-chart ways. But these men first must know what they’re doing with their trans-attraction. Their journey from Chaser to Transamory IS THAT PROCESS.

If transgender women were willing to change their view of such men, they would find powerful allies there. Yes, it takes a profound willingness to change one’s mind in the face of so much evidence to the contrary. And I know most transgender women won’t do stop looking at the contrary evidence long enough to do that. It’s true: self-loathing is a powerful elixir.

But some do. Some like my clients.

Every story can change. Even self loathing ones. A powerful figure with tremendous global influence once said of his tormentors “Forgive them Father. They know not what they do.” There’s great power in forgiveness. That and asking questions.

A simple question can change the course of even the most vile person. And in that way transgender women can become catalysts for trans-attracted men. If they choose to.

So, transgender women, the next time you get a dick pick from some online dating app you’d do better not being on, perhaps instead of getting mad, forgive the sender. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.

Then, maybe, ask them a question. Like: Why do you think sending me this picture will get you what you think you want?

Then see what happens next.

[transamorousnetwork]

Post-Transamorous: A New Journey Calls Me

As I write this post, I’m thinking back to my past and my own journey on the “Chaser-to-Transamorous” path. It’s been quite a few years. I’ve written nearly 500 posts about trans-attraction and transamory. I’ve shared my journey of self-discovery and acceptance while offering advice, initially for trans-attracted men. But I gradually shifted that focus to trans women.

As I wrote in a recent post, many trans women and trans-attracted men expressed appreciation for what I’ve shared here over the years. As my own self-discovery included a path into deeper, esoteric spirituality, that knowledge found its way into The Transamorous Network content too. This included this blog, our podcast, our YouTube Channel and more. It’s been fun sharing my journey, offering advice to others and receiving positive support from readers.

Of course, I’ve also received messages from haters, mostly bigoted trans women suffering from self loathing, who projected their hate onto me. I appreciate those people too because those people had me focus even more on supporting the community with the material I offered. I knew those women’s comments had much more to say about them than they did my writing, my content or me as a person. And I knew what I offered could actually help them.

Fifteen years…at least

Speaking of me as a person, discovering my transamory alongside my spiritual origins has been an incredible journey. I remember when I first saw a trans woman. It was in the early 80s in Osaka, Japan. My girlfriend at the time thought it would be entertaining to take me to a Yakuza bar where all the “go-go” dancers were trans. Little did she know, or maybe she did know from a spiritual perspective, that introduction sparked a flame in me.

That flame grew into an adventure that, at first, I struggled valiantly to repress. I was in the Marines after all, before the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell mandate. Being queer was a dischargeable offense. Still, my transamory wouldn’t be denied. 

It took more than 15 years, I think, to embrace my queerness and my attraction to trans women. During that time I struggled, but always knew myself as the individual I am today. I knew I would make it through someday. And after making it, I decided to start The Transamorous Network to help others make it. Helping others has been rewarding.

And yet all adventures either come to an end, or they change.

Getting to know myself

My adventure taking the form of The Transamorous Network is about to come to an end. This is the last post. I’ll be focusing on my cisgender audiences going forward. Cisgender people comprise the majority of my clients these days. My experience with them shows them more open to moving along the spiritual path I offer. It feels wonderful seeing them resonate with results they produce through my guidance. So focusing on them is where I want to commit my energies. Doing so feels good and nothing matters more than feeling good.

As I close this chapter of my adventure, I’m reflecting on my own journey, one that began, like many men, with the thought that I was gay. Being on the DL all that time didn’t stop me from exploring. That exploration included having encounters with men. I wanted to find out if I was gay, or was there something else going on with me. At that time “trans-attracted” wasn’t a thing. At least I wasn’t aware of such a term.

So while I still dated cis women, I also explored with men and with trans women when the opportunity presented itself. These days, I’ve had enough experience with pretty much every gender to know what I like, what I’m attracted to and why. I approached this with the same zeal I approached getting to know my spiritual nature. That’s why I know myself as transamorous. Not a chaser. Not a fetishizer.

All things change…

What I find interesting as this chapter closes is my sexual practices have changed. To understand how, I want to tell a story of something that happened while I was still exploring.

Decades ago, I had a long-term affair with a guy named Bill. It lasted almost 20 years. He wasn’t at all good looking, but he had a giant dick I loved to suck and get fucked by. We were really good friends and that’s what the relationship emerged from: our friendship. He was a top and not interested at all in being a bottom. Not that I was encouraging that, I really loved his dick (and came to love him over time, romantically, interestingly enough).

Bill was a sex fiend and couldn’t get enough. I knew this about him and just assumed he was careful. I was shocked one evening though when he told me he had contracted HIV… Years later we reconnected after a rather messy end to our relationship triggered by my fear he put me at risk (I’m HIV-). During this reconnection, Bill shared, to my shock and awe, that he was now a bottom!

I’m sharing this because, recently, I’ve been contemplating my anal play and whether it really offers the sensual stimulation I enjoy so much, or is it instead more of a psychological thing….I’m coming to the point that it is way more the latter than the former. Especially after meeting Yuri and enjoying performing the traditional male role with her.

Post-transamorous and the next adventure

So I’m really close at the moment to declaring myself, no longer interested in being strictly a “bottom”. I find this interesting because I never thought that aspect of me would change. Even though I saw it happen with someone I knew very well.

I feel resolute about this change, in the same way Bill felt about his. It’s interesting contemplating how my life seems to be coming full circle. At least as far as my sexuality is concerned.

And perhaps this is the case with many men who find themselves attracted to trans women. Perhaps, at the end of the day, what we trans-attracted men are looking for is self understanding. And we discover that, as many people do: through the mirror inherent in all relationships.

I’ve had many relationships and have used them to chart my own journey to self-discovery, as, I’m sure, my partners did too. Along the way I’ve met some stellar people, both trans-attracted and transgender. This has been a great journey.

And the journey continues. But it no longer will focus on my wanting to convince the trans community that they are empowered, powerful, creative beings creating their reality as they move through life, and thus can enjoy a life where all they want is theirs. They are that, as is everyone else. Yet, it’s time for me to take the next step in my journey. That requires no longer trying to convince people who are not ready to hear this uplifting message.

So with that, I bid the trans community adieu. The next chapter of my adventure awaits. A chapter where I move beyond identifying as transamorous. I just am.

PS –

If you’re still interested in hearing from me, subscribe to my other blog Positively Focused, on WordPress, Medium, Tumblr and my Facebook Page by the same name. Across all these platforms, Positively Focus enjoys more that 15,000 followers.

The Transamorous Network will likely cease to exist within the next few months.

PPS -

One of the first transgender clients I served, has followed this blog pretty much from the beginning. Her response to this post is the perfect capstone. It's an example, I know, of how many trans women have benefited from my writings. And so, I leave with her well-wishes:

[transamorousnetwork]

I Love When People Get It…And When People Don’t

I publish these posts weeks after I write them. That way, I don’t feel pressure to write something if I don’t want to. Invariably, however, the urge strikes. And so I find myself at my writing table.

Today is no different. 

This post is about feedback I received over the last two weeks. Primarily feedback on two posts. The one about how trans women contributed to Trump winning the White House and another sharing my experience with sex with a post-op trans woman.

Not being a hypocrite, I’m going to lavish on what I want in this post, rather than dwell on what I don’t. I’m going to praise those readers who get what I’m sharing, who have benefited from reading these posts.

But I’m also going to praise those who haven’t got what I share. Including those lambasting that second post as transphobic. I am going to praise those people, because they offer grit, the grain of sand that contributes to the ongoing pearl forming in my personality oyster that unfolds as my daily life.

So in praise of both, I offer this rather brief post.

I’m pretty positive

Over the years of writing this blog, some trans women have pretty much raved about what I share. Those who get it, those primed to benefit from what I write, share their enthusiasm and satisfaction.

Some of those women engaged with me as clients. Others, haven’t, but they have reached out from time to time to share their life progress, progress happening at least partially because of what they’ve read on this blog.

I recall fondly an ongoing three-year conversation with a trans woman in the midwest somewhere, who struggled with men and career. After a couple years of focus, she wound up meeting much better men, and started her own business. One that became successful enough that she hired her mom as an employee.

Many such stories fill my memory. And there are less profound experiences that, while less profound, were no less gratifying to receive.

Recently, in response to my most recent posts (at the time of writing this), I got two examples I really, really appreciate. The first I’m sharing responds to a post I wrote after my post about the trans community helping Trump win. In that post I shared my “origin story.”

A few didn’t respond kindly to that one, but this person’s response resonates with intentions I put into that story:

Yeah. I’m pretty positive. And it seems that bright light I offer warmed the heart of this reader.

Making a difference

The post on Trump really triggered a lot of trans women. Getting triggered is unfortunate because it reveals so much more about the person getting triggered and says nothing about the thing the person is letting trigger them.

So when I got a lot of trans women pissed off about that post and the one about me having sex with a post-op trans woman, I reveled in the knowing I have about people, the Universe and how it all works. I shared some of that knowledge in responses to those people who commented negatively. On the surface what I wrote made little difference: the women just doubled-down on their triggered perspective.

But I know when that happens, such people make a connection with what I share in a powerful way. In that way, they are bound to encounter what they’ve read somewhere else in their life. Perhaps it will come in the form they can more readily digest. So I know while it looks like I made little difference, I actually made a HUGE difference.

And that’s why I’ve written so much on this blog. That and other reasons kept me coming back to my computer every week. 

Comments like the one below kept me coming back too. Getting comments like this one cause all the flaming from triggered trans women to pale in comparison. Yep, some people out there get it. And it’s cool when they feel moved enough to share like this:

In praise

When a person gets triggered, the belief confrontation happening in them literally takes them over. They can’t control themselves, which is often why such people resort to name calling and even violence. So when people respond negatively in a comment, it doesn’t mean very much. They’re out of control.

But for a person to share a positive comment, something significant must happen to move them to take the time to comment. Feeling good isn’t enough. A strong resonance between the writer and the reader must happen. In other words, someone taking time to share a positive comment speaks more powerfully than someone firing off a triggered, angry offended rant.

That’s why I so appreciate when I get calls or comments, such as the ones above.

I appreciate the flames too though although sometimes it takes a while. That’s because they cause me to dig deeper into my awareness, the very same awareness that has me write these posts every week.

Maybe you can tell I’m heading somewhere. It’s a destination I expect will fulfill itself in the next two blog posts or so. Until then, I appreciate you, dear reader. Whether you get it or whether you don’t.

[transamorousnetwork]

What Happens When “New Age Nonsense” Gets It Wrong?

In the past election season, my Broader Perspective told me Kamala Harris was going to win. As we all know, though, that didn’t happen.

Did my Broader Perspective get it wrong?

A lot of people who think this “you create your reality” business is “New Age nonsense” will point to such outcomes with an accusing finger.

They’ll say “See? What bullshit!”

Even some clients doubted what happened. One asked why my Broader Perspective “lied” to me. Another, whose Broader Perspective told her as well that Harris would win by a large margin, was shocked by the actual results. I was surprised, but I knew an explanation existed for the apparent discrepancy between our Broader Perspectives and the result.

That’s because I know what I know is infallible. I know the Universe works exactly as I’ve learned it does. So if something happens that appears contradictory to what I know, then I must not be clearly seeing what’s going on.

Given all this, I turned to my spiritual mentors for answers. I also dug into past knowledge I gained in my years of Buddhist scholarly practice.

What I discovered not only reassured me, it had me double down on the fact that what I know is 100 percent accurate.

Let’s take a look at what’s happening when it looks like “New Age” advice gets it wrong.

Understanding the unfathomable

First we must accept that All That Is is unfathomable. All That Is constantly creates more of all that is. And that’s been happening….since��.forever. So no one can know the totality of All That Is. Not even All That Is!

That unknowable quality of All That Is extends to the intelligence of All That Is. It’s not called “Infinite Intelligence” for nothing. That means there are no bounds to how intelligent Infinite Intelligence is. 

So when we humans try understanding Infinite Intelligence and All That Is, we must come from a grounded place. We must accept that, as much as we learn, there always will be more to learn.

One thing I’ve learned is All That Is assists all of us in our expansion. One way it does that is through contrast: experiences which prompt from within us desire. Now, “desire” makes it sound like those experiences must always feel good. The trouble is, contrast often feels not good. Especially for those who don’t understand how the Universe works.

Even for those who do understand, such experiences can feel awful. But for those who do understand, such people cancome to accept and even appreciate the real nature of and value that contrast offers.

The real nature of contrast is that it usually is an uncomfortable experience. One that tells us immediately what we don’t like.

More about contrast and its importance

Usually, contrast looks and feels like something we don’t want, such as our preferred candidate losing. The moment we have such experiences though, we also know what we do want. The key to contrast’s value is realizing this, then lining up with that which we want. In doing that, we feel better and that better feeling tells us something extremely important.

Contrast is all around us. It comes in large and small experiences, even insignificant-seeming ones. But the ones most of us struggle with are those that are significant, such as our political candidate losing in what we believe is a crucial election.

Nothing “crucial” ever happens, however. That’s because everything always works out for everyone. Everything always turns out for everyone because All That Is enjoys a capacity large enough for everyone to get what they want.

Humans make trouble for themselves, however, when they think what they want must come the way they believe it should come. Me and others, for example, believed the only way we could get what we wanted from the election was for Harris to win. That’s a problem.

Getting what we want when we line up

It’s a problem because All That Is is unfathomable, including its intelligence and capacity. As such, a human mind can never know the resources at All That Is’ disposal to make what we want happen. A human mind also can’t figure out the best time for something to happen, even though our minds like to think they can. That’s why there’s such a thing as “divine timing”. 

I know it can be frustrating when we want something, believe it must happen now, and it doesn’t happen until later. Sometimes WAY later. But divine timing exists for a reason. The reason is because Infinite Intelligence or All That Is knows when it’s the best time for something to happen. It also yields to our desire, but only when we are a match to that thing. And usually, when we want something “now” we are really focused on the situation that has us yearning. In that focus, we’re not lined up with what we want. Which explains why it doesn’t show up immediately.

So when we try to figure out either the “how” or the “when” we usually gum up the works. We add resistance, which creates delay. We’ll eventually get what we want, but only when we finally line up with it.

Sometimes, lining up with our desire requires a stronger vibrational alignment to that which we’re wanting. Abraham calls that “stronger asking”. And there’s no better experience to prompt stronger asking, or to cause us to more strongly align with our wanting, than really strong contrast. Like our candidate losing, for example.

Introducing the path of least resistance

Another reason it may look like we’re not getting what we want happens when we, again, think we know how it’s going to happen. Especially when it comes to a lot of people getting what they want. Again, the Universe will give everyone what they want. But think about it. The US population is over 300 million people. Untold billions of others outside the US were focused on the outcome of our election too. And, obviously, some number of those people were going to appear to not get what they want no matter who won.

The Universe, therefore took advantage of another aspect that we must keep in mind when lining up. That is, the path of least resistance.

The path of least resistance, as the name implies, is the path energetically between one point and another representing the lowest amount of resistance. Now, the path of least resistance is not the same as the shortest path. The path of least resistance usually is longer because it takes people some time to release resistance and line up. And even when they do, some resistance remains in their way. 

So All That Is and one’s Broader Perspective coordinate to move a person around or through that remaining resistance. And it’s for this reason that one’s path to what they want may look like they’re not getting what they want, when, actually they are.

So when Kamala lost, I knew I was still on the path. I also knew I had focused too much on the “how”. It also was clear that the loss prompted stronger asking on my part. But why was it that my Broader Perspective told me she was going to win when she didn’t? To understand why, we must introduce yet another important concept.

Setting up another awesome unfolding

I’m glad I have a lot of spiritual study under my belt. My scholarly study of Buddhism came in handy in understanding why my Broader Perspective adamantly said Kamala would win when she didn’t.

I’ll get to that in a moment.

Interestingly, I had access to another resource I hadn’t tapped into in a while. In addition to their in-person workshops, Abraham also holds regular online events they call “Abraham NOW” sessions. Like their in-person workshops, these three hour events feature people asking Abraham questions and Abraham using those questions as jumping-off points to share their wisdom.

Now, to understand all that happened, to really appreciate it, let’s look at some speculative numbers around these online events. Somewhere between 1500 and 3000 people participate in Abraham’s in-person workshops. In a given year, approximately 60 workshops happen around the country. So that’s something like 90-180,000 people attending these events. And that doesn’t even include the cruises. In-person workshops run about $300.

But Abraham NOW events are only $49. Much more affordable. I speculate that about a quarter of the same number of people who attend the workshops in a year are tuning in to each Abraham NOW session. That’s a lot of people. But it shouldn’t be surprising: they’re more frequent, they cost less and they are far more convenient.

Those planning to attend an Abraham NOW event can also submit one written or one video question. For sure, a lot of people do that too. And there isn’t enough time to answer every question. So just like at the in-person events, Abraham selects the questions they will feature.

^^An example of past Abraham NOW event recordings from the Abraham website.

Was the advice wrong?

After the election, as I wrote above, several clients were struggling with the outcome. I was too, although for different reasons. Two days after the election, I got an impulse that Abraham was probably going to have an Abraham NOW session scheduled. They are Infinite Intelligence after all. So they probably anticipated that a lot of humans would be all bunged up no matter what the result. They would want answers.

Sure enough, when I logged into my Abraham-Hicks.com account, I saw an Abraham NOW event scheduled for that Saturday, November 9. I told all my advanced clients about it, then registered myself. This was on a Friday afternoon at about 1:45 p.m. The registration page invited me to submit a video or written question, but I only had until 2 p.m. to get it in. Perfect timing! I had 15 minutes to submit a question, which I did.

My question was basically “how did my Broader Perspective get it wrong?” I phrased it that way purposefully because I wanted an answer I could share with my clients, should they not register themselves. I wondered whether Abraham would use my video question on the live stream, but didn’t worry too much. Other people would have the same question, I knew. 

So when Saturday came, I logged into the live stream. Sure enough, several people questioned the election results. Many were worried about the outcome. I wasn’t worried about that. I just wanted to know how my Broader Perspective encouraged me towards a result that didn’t happen. But it was good to hear how Abraham answered those questions.

As the event wound down, and more people got their questions answered, I wondered whether myquestion would air.

It wasn’t wrong

Ten minutes prior to the event end, and not seeing my question featured yet, I surrendered to the possibility my question wouldn’t get answered. At that very moment I surrendered, my iPhone showed what many in New Age Circles call an “Angel Number“. The number was 1313. And in that very minute, Abraham said “let’s watch another video”….and my face appeared.

Just like in my initiation journey I wrote about before, I got featured at the very end. And I understood why: all the other questions and answers lead perfectly to my question. Of course, that all thrilled me. But the answer Abraham gave was astounding too.

In short, they said, my Broader Perspective didn’t get it wrong. What it did was offer guidance that would create contrast that would prompt stronger asking on my part. They also said the outcome represented the path of least resistance for everyone given what they want and that the unfolding, post election, will contain everything everyone wants. Everything will come in ways Americans can’t comprehend right now, they said, but will be completely satisfying as it all unfolds.

The answer made total sense. Especially after everything Abraham shared in answering questions preceding mine. 

After the live stream, I thought about Abraham’s answer. It reminded me of something I learned in my Buddhist studies. And the more I thought about that thing I learned, the more satisfied I became about the election. The more optimistic I got about what was to happen as well.

I want to share what that thing was that I learned next.

A parable of expedient means

The Lotus Sutra is the pinnacle of Buddhist Sutras. A lot of Buddhists and some scholars might disagree with that assertion. But when one reads the Lotus Sutra, it becomes obvious. The Buddha says many, many times throughout the Sutra that it is his ultimate teaching.

My scholarly study focused almost exclusively on this Sutra. That’s because I knew it to be the crown jewel of the Buddha’s teachings. It’s a marvelous work. It lays out in great detail the nature of the Buddhas, their blessings, where they come from and benefits those who hear the Lotus Sutra receive. What I remembered learning about was a parable offered in this Sutra. The parable is set up in Chapter 2 — Skillful or Expedient Means, and told in Chapter 3 — A parable.

Chapter 2 reveals that all Buddhas employ expedient means to lead people to enlightenment. There’s a lot of detail and repetition in the Lotus Sutra and these chapters are no different. But the gist of it is, Infinite Intelligence knows that ordinary humans are hard to reach. So it communicates in many different ways to reach them. Sometimes it will even use what people might call deceptions or falsehoods.

Chapter three gives an example of a rich man who has many kids. The kids run into a run down house (I’m simplifying the parable). Then the house catches fire. But the kids found toys in the house and are too busy playing with them to notice the fire. The rich man notices though. The fire rages and the house is about to collapse on the kids. The father calls to the them, saying “run out of the house, it’s on fire!” But the kids don’t listen.

Skillful means

So the father tells the children he has assembled carts of fabulous wealth for all of them. Not only that, the carts contain the rarest of toys and the kids can have them all, he says. Hearing this, the kids come rushing out from the house as the house collapses in flames.

Once outside the children ask for the carts, which their father provides. 

The Buddha then asks his listeners “did the father lie?” No, the listeners say, he did what he had to do to save his kids. The Buddha agrees then goes on to explain how Infinite Intelligence uses similar means to move people to enlightenment.

There’s another story told apart from the Lotus Sutra. It’s about the Buddha on a path to a wondrous kingdom, followed by his adherents. Halfway to the kingdom, the adherents tire out. The Buddha sees they can go no farther. But he knows the adherents will rejoice once they arrive at the kingdom.

So he manifests an hallucination. Right around the corner on the path the adherents discover a beautiful oasis filled with all manner of luxuries. The adherents think they’ve arrived at the kingdom; they don’t realize it’s an hallucination. Once they are refreshed, the Buddha then disappears the hallucination. The adherents are shocked. Some are angry. At that point the Buddha explains his expedient means.

He describes how their destination is far better than what they just experienced. He also describes setting up the hallucination in order to refresh the adherents so they can make the rest of the way to the destination. In this way, the adherents realize, the Buddha has skillfully encouraged them to go the final distance.

Preparing for the future

See the parallels?

I sure did after I remembered these stories. What really brought the parallel home was realizing The Lotus Sutra and everything in it accord quite nicely with how the Universe works. Sure, it’s full of a lot of repetition and mind-blowing imagery. But behind all that are deep accuracies about how enlightened ones work, how people are and how the Universe works.

It was a reminder for me that everything I’ve learned so far from both Seth and Abraham is 100 percent accurate.

At that point I got how my Broader Perspective didn’t lie to me. Like Abraham reiterated, it didn’t get it wrong. It used expedient means to get me to reach for the end goal, the thing I ultimately want. Looking at the election from that perspective bolstered me. It bolstered me and also prepared me for what happened next. 

That’s right, this story just keeps going and going!

The future is bright

The next week I enjoyed a couple conversations with a client who used to be a republican. He also possesses extreme knowledge about future high technologies across many sectors. Part of his knowledge includes blockchain technology. He’s as passionate about all this stuff as I am about spirituality.

The conversations with this guy made it abundantly clear where we are headed, not only as a nation, but as a global civilization. And, he showed how everything that’s going to happen will be a better extension fit with a Trump administration than would have been possible with democrats in office.

That future includes extreme material abundance for all. Super-high quality products and services offered at near zero cost. It also includes a fully automated infrastructure enabled by Artificial Intelligence and robotics. Indeed, the more he described, the more excited I got. And he didn’t just talk about the future, he speculated on how all of it would unfold.

Since I have the education and work background I have, I could follow pretty much everything he shared. It was a thrilling vision. I could see practical paths to all of it. Indeed, the more I think about it even now, the more convinced I am that this is our future.

Humanity has nothing to worry about. It’s all working out.

It was right all along

But in negative beliefs, in worry, in fear or anger, humans can’t see it all working out. We’re all going to get to that future my client described. That I’m sure. The only question is, how are individual human beings going to experience the path to that magnificent kingdom? Is their experience going to be one of sadness, worry, fear and violence? Or is their experience going to be joyful, hopeful, and eager? I know how mine is going to be.

And I’m encouraging my clients to cultivate similar experiences.

Why?

Because in those more positive emotions, we can see more. We can see opportunities we’re otherwise blind to when we’re wallowing in complaints about people who believe differently from us. When in reality they’re the very same people cooperating alongside us to create the future we all want.

That’s right. I wrote previously about how trans and trans-attracted people helped elect Trump. They had to have because that’s who’s president starting next year. That’s our collective, co-created reality. And nothing is asserted into our experience. We invite it all.

I know for many that’s hard to read. But Trump winning is the expedient means, the path of least resistance, to everything everyone wants. And that’s what’s so cool about All That Is. It has the capacity to use everyone for our ultimate good.

Interestingly, my future-oriented client claims that that future he sees will bring the far right and the far left everything both sides want all at the same time. Abraham said the exact same thing.

I’m so reassured by that. And I’m eager to see it unfold, knowing my Broader Perspective was right all along.

[transamorousnetwork]

Why Happiness Is Our World Changing Super Power

It seems crazy to say in this divided world we live in, especially when it comes to trans people, but the evidence is overwhelming: The happier we are, the better the world goes. 

This is especially true for transgender and trans-attracted people. After all, we came into the world with world-changing intentions. That’s why we come in completely outside the “normal” box: because in our being we offer world transformation.

And when we align with happiness that is our natural state, then not only does our life go well shining like a beacon of how good life can be for others, the world gets bathed in that light as well. As a result, the world changes for the better.

But if we’re poopy about what we see in the world we come into, we just create more of that. Then we start believing all that we see is “true”. And then, we’re in trouble.

Because when we start trading in “true” we’ve lost our way. We came here to shape the future, not create more of what is; more of what is “true”.

We shape the future for ourselves, our friends and family and for the world around us through our happiness. Most people don’t realize that, especially trans and trans-attracted people. It’s why so many of us and other people are mostly unhappy. But when we remember who and what we are, life gets really good.

Let’s take a look today at both how and why happiness is our world-changing super power.

Let’s start with an accurate story

Imagine, if you would, that you have been in existence since the beginning of time. Way, way way back then, nothing existed; only you and potential. So out of that potential you created all that is. And in that bang, you watched things unfold.

As they unfolded, you saw things coming to be. You also saw things going out of being. As those things came and went, you knew there could be more. And so you created more. That “more” human science calls evolution. It’s not that, but whatever.

As more came into being, eventually more and more capable forms of more emerged. That included conscious life. And as that life expanded into more, you noticed something interesting; something invigorating: everything that came after what came before was better.

And those things that preceded the more, as they reemerged into the potential of All That Is, those things returned to their innate oneness of All That Is! 

More, more, more…

The more this cycle continued, the more varied life got. And the more varied it got, the more complex things got. Despite all that complexity however, things always became more. And as all that “moreness” happened, you saw that it was all good, because no matter how things turned out, the things, as they turned out, either became more, or they reemerged into the potential of All That Is. 

So imagine, now, here you are billions of human years later. All the things that have become more, all the things that have become and returned to potential, and all the things that have happened in that transformation of more becoming more, continues. 

How would you feel about all of this happening over billions and billions of years? Would you be unhappy? Of course not. All you could see happening was becoming more, more complex more interesting…more a representative of what you are; an eternal being. And over those billions and billions of years as things worked out, you, yourself, would have become more too. And in that moreness, watching all that more happening, you would become more and more optimistic, more and more surprised.

You would become more and more delighted. And more and more eager. Your eagerness, delight, surprise and optimism would turn to appreciation for all that has come before. And that appreciation would express itself for all that has come and all that is yet to come. 

Reveling in your trans/trans-attraction status

Then in your curiosity and joy, you’d want to become part of the moreness. You’d want to participate; see what it’s like in the “first person”. And so you’d put yourself into the process, becoming things, beings and elements that are making the more possible. In that experience, you’d experience terror, joy, pain, loss, happiness, triumph and more. And all the while as you moved in and out of those “first person” experiences, your appreciation would expand. It, those emotions, would become more too.

What do you think that process would evolve to, that emotional process of becoming more? Of course it would evolve into even more powerful emotions: love, being paramount.

That is what you are. You are pure love, experiencing for a brief time, a human experience. You as love energy are wanting to participate eternally in what you got started eons ago. And, as you participate, you want more. You want different experiences than those that came before. You want experiences that haven’t happened before. This is the more you crave.

So it makes sense, from this perspective that you’d come into the world as transgender or trans-attracted; two aspects you perhaps have never experienced before; as expressions of more.

Now, from that eternal perspective, would you be all poopy about being trans? Would you worry about friends or family disowning you or misgendering you? Of course not. Would you worry about people thinking you’re gay because you’re trans-attracted? Would YOU think you’re gay? Nope! You’d relish in your being. You’d be excited about your trans status. Everything you experience as a trans-attracted person would light your fire!

Happy while human 

Well dear reader, what you’ve just read is what you are. But you’re only that when you, as the “first person” experiences their life in the same way that eternal being that is you experiences it. You have the option to not experience it that way, because you gave yourself free will. But when you don’t experience it that way, then you feel awful!

That awful feeling is on purpose because you want to feel your eternal knowing. You want to experience your eternal knowing because you know when you do that, you have access to something eminently powerful.

And that eminently powerful thing is that which you are. That’s right, you are the eminently powerful thing. And as that you can create any experience you want, because you’ve created everything else in your experience in your desire for more.

But accessing all the power you are requires you being that powerful thing. You do that by embracing your happiness. Happiness is our super power because when we embrace it and live in it, then we align ourselves with that full-blown powerful being that we are, yes, even while we’re experiencing human life.

So being happy while you’re a human is critical. It literally is the process by which all you want will come to you. This power is not magic though. Something important must be understood to enjoy the power you are. We’ll talk about that next.

^^Reaching for happiness allows all we want to happen.

It’s where “reality” comes from

Remember: we all come into the world having forgotten. Until we remember, we’re still using all that immense power to create. Everything surrounding us is our creation. That includes family members who refuse to acknowledge you as a woman as well as those who might be really angry if you come out as trans-attracted.

Where else do you think these people come from?

Situations are exactly the same. They reflect the confusion in you. Or they reflect the conflict within you. If you don’t want to be trans, but are, life will reflect that conflict back to you. You’ll attract experiences of people hating or rising up against trans people. Other things might happen too. You might lose your job or feel you must quit. You might even experience physical attacks or be ridiculed while using the women’s bathroom.

How else do you think you’re experiencing these things?

The problem with thinking they are separate from you and happening because there are people in the world who hate what you are is, when you think those thoughts, they run counter to what’s happening. What’s happening is you’re creating these experiences in order to clean up your distorted beliefs. The experiences are true! They are happening! But they don’t have to happen.

They will though and they’ll continue until you accept all that you are and feel appreciation for it.

^^Physical reality is a reflection of our inner state. (Photo by Chris Barbalis on Unsplash)

A powerful sentence

When you accept all that you are, you’re primed then to come in to appreciation of who you are. Not appreciation for being trans or trans-attracted, although that’s a great first step. I’m talking about appreciating you as cause in the matter; as the originator of all you experience. 

It is in that appreciation that you step into your power. After all, the following sentence can be seen as positive or negative:

I create everything I experience!

Most people, especially trans women, see that as a negative sentence. They feel blame in it or that their situation is their fault because of it. That’s because they feel themselves as hapless victims subject to people making laws restricting their rights and freedoms.

People who know what I’m writing about see that sentence in an empowering way. They see the opportunity in it. They realize nothing can happen to them that they don’t create. Then they realize they can create anything they want. And that’s the power of knowing who and what we are as eternal beings.

It’s available right now

There’s no greater power than our happiness. But in order to experience happiness we must first clear out all that creation we’ve created from our disempowered perspective. The one that has us seeing that statement above as an indictment as opposed to the powerful realization it is.

So it takes a while to make permanent the state of happiness I’m writing about. The great thing is, the happiness can come immediately. At first it won’t hang around for long because of bogus beliefs we have cultivated for as long as we’ve been alive. But in time, as we soothe those old beliefs, the happiness hangs around longer and longer.

Then, as that happens, really wonderful life experiences start happening. As I’ve written above, life is a reflection. It reflects back to us, in the form of people, circumstances and events, our inner state. And if our inner state is mainly happy, then our life must reflect that. 

And it will.

I write every week about how to cultivate that state of being. I also share examples of clients doing exactly what you’ve read, and producing evidence proving everything you’ve read to themselves. So you don’t have to just take my words for it. Evidence abounds proving what you’ve read is accurate.

So the question is, how long are you going to be unhappy, anxious, and insecure? I would suggest you stop right now. Stop and cultivate your super power: happiness.