#trouble duo.... then turned to trouble trio with joe

[timeless-hollywood-classics]

Leonidas Frank "Lon" Chaney (April 1, 1883 – August 26, 1930) was an American stage and film actor, make-up artist, director and screenwriter. He is regarded as one of the most versatile and powerful actors of cinema, renowned for his characterizations of tortured, often grotesque and afflicted characters, and his groundbreaking artistry with makeup. Chaney was known for his starring roles in such silent horror films as The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1923) and The Phantom of the Opera (1925). His ability to transform himself using makeup techniques he developed earned him the nickname "The Man of a Thousand Faces".

Leonidas Frank Chaney was born in Colorado Springs, Colorado, to Frank H. Chaney (1852–1927) and Emma Alice Kennedy. His father was of English and French ancestry, and his mother was of Scottish, English, and Irish descent. Chaney's maternal grandfather, Jonathan Ralston Kennedy, founded the "Colorado School for the Education of Mutes" (now, Colorado School for the Deaf and Blind) in 1874, and Chaney's parents met there.[2] His great-grandfather was congressman John Chaney.

Both of Chaney's parents were deaf and, as a child of deaf adults, Chaney became skilled in pantomime. He entered a stage career in 1902, and began traveling with popular Vaudeville and theater acts. In 1905, Chaney, then 22, met and married 16-year-old singer Cleva Creighton (Frances Cleveland Creighton) and in 1906, their only child, a son, Creighton Tull Chaney (later known as Lon Chaney Jr.) was born. The Chaneys continued touring, settling in California in 1910.

Marital troubles developed and on April 30, 1913, Cleva went to the Majestic Theater in downtown Los Angeles, where Lon was managing the "Kolb and Dill" show, and attempted suicide by swallowing mercuric chloride. The suicide attempt failed but it ruined her singing career as a result; the ensuing scandal and divorce forced Chaney out of the theater and into film.

The time spent there is not clearly known, but between the years 1912 and 1917, Chaney worked under contract for Universal Studios doing bit or character parts. His skill with makeup gained him many parts in the highly competitive casting atmosphere. During this time, Chaney befriended the husband-wife director team of Joe De Grasse and Ida May Park, who gave him substantial roles in their pictures, and further encouraged him to play macabre characters.

Chaney married one of his former colleagues in the Kolb and Dill company, a chorus girl named Hazel Hastings. Little is known of Hazel, except that her marriage to Chaney was solid. Upon marrying, the new couple gained custody of Chaney's 10-year-old son Creighton, who had resided in various homes and boarding schools since Chaney's divorce from Cleva in 1913.

By 1917 Chaney was a prominent actor in the studio, but his salary did not reflect this status. When Chaney asked for a raise, studio executive William Sistrom replied, "You'll never be worth more than one hundred dollars a week." After leaving the studio, Chaney struggled for the first year as a character actor. It was not until he played a substantial role in William S. Hart's picture Riddle Gawne (1918) that Chaney's talents as a character actor were truly recognized by the industry.

Universal presented Chaney, Dorothy Phillips, and William Stowell as a team in The Piper's Price (1917). In succeeding films, the men alternated playing lover, villain, or other man to the beautiful Phillips. They would occasionally be joined by Claire DuBrey nearly making the trio a quartet of recurring actors from film to film. So successful were the films starring this group that Universal produced fourteen films from 1917 to 1919 with Chaney, Stowell, and Phillips. The films were usually directed by Joe De Grasse or his wife Ida May Park, both friends of Chaney's at Universal. When Chaney was away branching out on films such as Riddle Gawne and The Kaiser, the Beast of Berlin (both 1918), Stowell and Phillips would continue on as a duo until Chaney's return. Stowell and Phillips made The Heart of Humanity (also 1918), bringing in Erich von Stroheim for a part as the villain that could easily have been played by Chaney. Paid in Advance (1919) was the group's last film together, for the chiseled featured Stowell was sent to Africa by Universal to scout locations for a movie. En route from one city to another, Stowell was in the caboose when it was hit by the locomotive from another train; he was killed instantly. The majority of these films are lost but a few, including Triumph and Paid in Advance survive in private collections or unrestored in European or Russian archives.

Chaney had a breakthrough performance as "The Frog" in George Loane Tucker's The Miracle Man (1919). The film displayed not only Chaney's acting ability, but also his talent as a master of makeup. Critical praise and a gross of over $2 million put Chaney on the map as America's foremost character actor.

Chaney exhibited great adaptability with makeup in more conventional crime and adventure films, such as The Penalty (1920), in which he played a gangster with both legs amputated. Chaney appeared in 10 films directed by Tod Browning, often portraying disguised and/or mutilated characters, including carnival knife-thrower Alonzo the Armless in The Unknown (1927) opposite Joan Crawford. Around the same time, Chaney also co-starred with Conrad Nagel, Marceline Day, Henry B. Walthall and Polly Moran in the Tod Browning horror film London After Midnight (1927), one of the most sought after lost films. His final film role was a sound remake of his silent classic The Unholy Three (1930), his only "talkie" and the only film in which Chaney utilized his powerful and versatile voice. Chaney signed a sworn statement declaring that five of the key voices in the film (the ventriloquist, the old woman, a parrot, the dummy and the girl) were his own.

Makeup in the early days of cinema was almost non-existent with the exception of beards and moustaches to denote villains. Most of what the Hollywood studios knew about film stemmed from their experience with theater make-up, but this did not always transfer well to the big screen, especially as the film quality increased over time. It is also worth noting that make-up departments were not yet in place during Chaney's time. Prior to the mid-20s, actors were expected to do their own make-up.[9] In absence of specialized make-up artist professions, Chaney's make-up artistry skills gave him a competitive advantage over other actors. He was the complete package. Casting crews knew that they could place him in virtually any part and he would thrive. In some films his skill allowed him to play dual roles. An extreme case of this was the film Outside the Law (1920), where he played a character that shot and killed another character, whom he also was playing.

As Quasimodo, the bell ringer of Notre Dame Cathedral, and Erik, the "phantom" of the Paris Opera House, Chaney created two of the most grotesquely deformed characters in film history. However, the portrayals sought to elicit a degree of sympathy and pathos among viewers not overwhelmingly terrified or repulsed by the monstrous disfigurements of these victims of fate.

In a 1925 autobiographical article for Movie magazine, Chaney wrote: "I wanted to remind people that the lowest types of humanity may have within them the capacity for supreme self-sacrifice. The dwarfed, misshapen beggar of the streets may have the noblest ideals. Most of my roles since The Hunchback, such as The Phantom of the Opera, He Who Gets Slapped, The Unholy Three, etc., have carried the theme of self-sacrifice or renunciation. These are the stories which I wish to do." Chaney referred to his expertise in both make-up and contorting his body to portray his subjects as "extraordinary characterization." Chaney's talents extended beyond the horror genre and stage makeup. He was also a highly skilled dancer, singer and comedian.

Ray Bradbury once said of Chaney, "He was someone who acted out our psyches. He somehow got into the shadows inside our bodies; he was able to nail down some of our secret fears and put them on-screen. The history of Lon Chaney is the history of unrequited loves. He brings that part of you out into the open, because you fear that you are not loved, you fear that you never will be loved, you fear there is some part of you that's grotesque, that the world will turn away from."

Chaney and his second wife Hazel led a discreet private life distant from the Hollywood social scene. Chaney did minimal promotional work for his films and for Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, purposefully fostering a mysterious image, and he reportedly intentionally avoided the social scene in Hollywood.

In the final five years of his film career (1925–1930), Chaney worked exclusively under contract to Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, giving some of his most memorable performances. His portrayal of a tough-as-nails marine drill instructor in Tell It to the Marines (1926), one of his favorite films, earned him the affection of the Marine Corps, who made him their first honorary member from the motion picture industry. He also earned the respect and admiration of numerous aspiring actors, to whom he offered mentoring assistance, and between takes on film sets he was always willing to share his professional observations with the cast and crew. During the filming of The Unknown (1927), Joan Crawford stated that she learned more about acting from watching Chaney work than from anyone else in her career. "It was then," she said, "I became aware for the first time of the difference between standing in front of a camera, and acting."

During the filming of Thunder in the winter of 1929, Chaney developed pneumonia. In late 1929 he was diagnosed with bronchial lung cancer. This was exacerbated when artificial snow, made out of cornflakes, lodged in his throat during filming and quickly created a serious infection. Despite aggressive treatment, his condition gradually worsened, and seven weeks after the release of the remake of The Unholy Three, he died of a throat hemorrhage on Tuesday, August 26, 1930, in Los Angeles, California. His funeral was held on August 28 in Glendale, California. Honorary pallbearers included Paul Bern, Hunt Stromberg, Irving Thalberg, Louis B. Mayer, Lionel Barrymore, Wallace Beery, Tod Browning, Lew Cody, and Ramon Novarro. The U.S. Marine Corps provided a chaplain and Honor Guard for his funeral. While his funeral was being conducted, all film studios and every office at MGM observed two minutes of silence in his honor.

Chaney was interred at Forest Lawn Memorial Park Cemetery in Glendale, next to the crypt of his father. His wife Hazel was interred there upon her death in 1933. For unknown reasons, Chaney's crypt has remained unmarked.

In 1957, Chaney was the subject of a biopic titled Man of a Thousand Faces, in which he was portrayed by James Cagney. The film is a largely fictionalized account, as Chaney was notoriously private and hated the Hollywood lifestyle. He never revealed personal details about himself or his family, once stating, "Between pictures, there is no Lon Chaney."

Chaney's son Creighton, who later changed his name to Lon Chaney Jr., became a film actor after his father's death. Chaney Jr. is best remembered for roles in horror films, such as the title character in The Wolf Man (1941). In October 1997, both Chaneys appeared on commemorative US postage stamps as the Phantom of the Opera and the Wolf Man, with the set completed by Bela Lugosi as Dracula and Boris Karloff as Frankenstein's monster and the Mummy.

Chaney is also the subject of the 2000 documentary feature, Lon Chaney: A Thousand Faces. The film was produced by silent film historian Kevin Brownlow and narrated by Kenneth Branagh.

[silent-era-of-cinema]

Leonidas Frank "Lon" Chaney (April 1, 1883 – August 26, 1930) was an American stage and film actor, make-up artist, director and screenwriter. He is regarded as one of the most versatile and powerful actors of cinema, renowned for his characterizations of tortured, often grotesque and afflicted characters, and his groundbreaking artistry with makeup. Chaney was known for his starring roles in such silent horror films as The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1923) and The Phantom of the Opera (1925). His ability to transform himself using makeup techniques he developed earned him the nickname "The Man of a Thousand Faces".

Leonidas Frank Chaney was born in Colorado Springs, Colorado, to Frank H. Chaney (1852–1927) and Emma Alice Kennedy. His father was of English and French ancestry, and his mother was of Scottish, English, and Irish descent. Chaney's maternal grandfather, Jonathan Ralston Kennedy, founded the "Colorado School for the Education of Mutes" (now, Colorado School for the Deaf and Blind) in 1874, and Chaney's parents met there.[2] His great-grandfather was congressman John Chaney.

Both of Chaney's parents were deaf and, as a child of deaf adults, Chaney became skilled in pantomime. He entered a stage career in 1902, and began traveling with popular Vaudeville and theater acts. In 1905, Chaney, then 22, met and married 16-year-old singer Cleva Creighton (Frances Cleveland Creighton) and in 1906, their only child, a son, Creighton Tull Chaney (later known as Lon Chaney Jr.) was born. The Chaneys continued touring, settling in California in 1910.

Marital troubles developed and on April 30, 1913, Cleva went to the Majestic Theater in downtown Los Angeles, where Lon was managing the "Kolb and Dill" show, and attempted suicide by swallowing mercuric chloride. The suicide attempt failed but it ruined her singing career as a result; the ensuing scandal and divorce forced Chaney out of the theater and into film.

The time spent there is not clearly known, but between the years 1912 and 1917, Chaney worked under contract for Universal Studios doing bit or character parts. His skill with makeup gained him many parts in the highly competitive casting atmosphere. During this time, Chaney befriended the husband-wife director team of Joe De Grasse and Ida May Park, who gave him substantial roles in their pictures, and further encouraged him to play macabre characters.

Chaney married one of his former colleagues in the Kolb and Dill company, a chorus girl named Hazel Hastings. Little is known of Hazel, except that her marriage to Chaney was solid. Upon marrying, the new couple gained custody of Chaney's 10-year-old son Creighton, who had resided in various homes and boarding schools since Chaney's divorce from Cleva in 1913.

By 1917 Chaney was a prominent actor in the studio, but his salary did not reflect this status. When Chaney asked for a raise, studio executive William Sistrom replied, "You'll never be worth more than one hundred dollars a week." After leaving the studio, Chaney struggled for the first year as a character actor. It was not until he played a substantial role in William S. Hart's picture Riddle Gawne (1918) that Chaney's talents as a character actor were truly recognized by the industry.

Universal presented Chaney, Dorothy Phillips, and William Stowell as a team in The Piper's Price (1917). In succeeding films, the men alternated playing lover, villain, or other man to the beautiful Phillips. They would occasionally be joined by Claire DuBrey nearly making the trio a quartet of recurring actors from film to film. So successful were the films starring this group that Universal produced fourteen films from 1917 to 1919 with Chaney, Stowell, and Phillips. The films were usually directed by Joe De Grasse or his wife Ida May Park, both friends of Chaney's at Universal. When Chaney was away branching out on films such as Riddle Gawne and The Kaiser, the Beast of Berlin (both 1918), Stowell and Phillips would continue on as a duo until Chaney's return. Stowell and Phillips made The Heart of Humanity (also 1918), bringing in Erich von Stroheim for a part as the villain that could easily have been played by Chaney. Paid in Advance (1919) was the group's last film together, for the chiseled featured Stowell was sent to Africa by Universal to scout locations for a movie. En route from one city to another, Stowell was in the caboose when it was hit by the locomotive from another train; he was killed instantly. The majority of these films are lost but a few, including Triumph and Paid in Advance survive in private collections or unrestored in European or Russian archives.

Chaney had a breakthrough performance as "The Frog" in George Loane Tucker's The Miracle Man (1919). The film displayed not only Chaney's acting ability, but also his talent as a master of makeup. Critical praise and a gross of over $2 million put Chaney on the map as America's foremost character actor.

Chaney exhibited great adaptability with makeup in more conventional crime and adventure films, such as The Penalty (1920), in which he played a gangster with both legs amputated. Chaney appeared in 10 films directed by Tod Browning, often portraying disguised and/or mutilated characters, including carnival knife-thrower Alonzo the Armless in The Unknown (1927) opposite Joan Crawford. Around the same time, Chaney also co-starred with Conrad Nagel, Marceline Day, Henry B. Walthall and Polly Moran in the Tod Browning horror film London After Midnight (1927), one of the most sought after lost films. His final film role was a sound remake of his silent classic The Unholy Three (1930), his only "talkie" and the only film in which Chaney utilized his powerful and versatile voice. Chaney signed a sworn statement declaring that five of the key voices in the film (the ventriloquist, the old woman, a parrot, the dummy and the girl) were his own.

Makeup in the early days of cinema was almost non-existent with the exception of beards and moustaches to denote villains. Most of what the Hollywood studios knew about film stemmed from their experience with theater make-up, but this did not always transfer well to the big screen, especially as the film quality increased over time. It is also worth noting that make-up departments were not yet in place during Chaney's time. Prior to the mid-20s, actors were expected to do their own make-up.[9] In absence of specialized make-up artist professions, Chaney's make-up artistry skills gave him a competitive advantage over other actors. He was the complete package. Casting crews knew that they could place him in virtually any part and he would thrive. In some films his skill allowed him to play dual roles. An extreme case of this was the film Outside the Law (1920), where he played a character that shot and killed another character, whom he also was playing.

As Quasimodo, the bell ringer of Notre Dame Cathedral, and Erik, the "phantom" of the Paris Opera House, Chaney created two of the most grotesquely deformed characters in film history. However, the portrayals sought to elicit a degree of sympathy and pathos among viewers not overwhelmingly terrified or repulsed by the monstrous disfigurements of these victims of fate.

In a 1925 autobiographical article for Movie magazine, Chaney wrote: "I wanted to remind people that the lowest types of humanity may have within them the capacity for supreme self-sacrifice. The dwarfed, misshapen beggar of the streets may have the noblest ideals. Most of my roles since The Hunchback, such as The Phantom of the Opera, He Who Gets Slapped, The Unholy Three, etc., have carried the theme of self-sacrifice or renunciation. These are the stories which I wish to do." Chaney referred to his expertise in both make-up and contorting his body to portray his subjects as "extraordinary characterization." Chaney's talents extended beyond the horror genre and stage makeup. He was also a highly skilled dancer, singer and comedian.

Ray Bradbury once said of Chaney, "He was someone who acted out our psyches. He somehow got into the shadows inside our bodies; he was able to nail down some of our secret fears and put them on-screen. The history of Lon Chaney is the history of unrequited loves. He brings that part of you out into the open, because you fear that you are not loved, you fear that you never will be loved, you fear there is some part of you that's grotesque, that the world will turn away from."

Chaney and his second wife Hazel led a discreet private life distant from the Hollywood social scene. Chaney did minimal promotional work for his films and for Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, purposefully fostering a mysterious image, and he reportedly intentionally avoided the social scene in Hollywood.

In the final five years of his film career (1925–1930), Chaney worked exclusively under contract to Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, giving some of his most memorable performances. His portrayal of a tough-as-nails marine drill instructor in Tell It to the Marines (1926), one of his favorite films, earned him the affection of the Marine Corps, who made him their first honorary member from the motion picture industry. He also earned the respect and admiration of numerous aspiring actors, to whom he offered mentoring assistance, and between takes on film sets he was always willing to share his professional observations with the cast and crew. During the filming of The Unknown (1927), Joan Crawford stated that she learned more about acting from watching Chaney work than from anyone else in her career. "It was then," she said, "I became aware for the first time of the difference between standing in front of a camera, and acting."

During the filming of Thunder in the winter of 1929, Chaney developed pneumonia. In late 1929 he was diagnosed with bronchial lung cancer. This was exacerbated when artificial snow, made out of cornflakes, lodged in his throat during filming and quickly created a serious infection. Despite aggressive treatment, his condition gradually worsened, and seven weeks after the release of the remake of The Unholy Three, he died of a throat hemorrhage on Tuesday, August 26, 1930, in Los Angeles, California. His funeral was held on August 28 in Glendale, California. Honorary pallbearers included Paul Bern, Hunt Stromberg, Irving Thalberg, Louis B. Mayer, Lionel Barrymore, Wallace Beery, Tod Browning, Lew Cody, and Ramon Novarro. The U.S. Marine Corps provided a chaplain and Honor Guard for his funeral. While his funeral was being conducted, all film studios and every office at MGM observed two minutes of silence in his honor.

Chaney was interred at Forest Lawn Memorial Park Cemetery in Glendale, next to the crypt of his father. His wife Hazel was interred there upon her death in 1933. For unknown reasons, Chaney's crypt has remained unmarked.

In 1957, Chaney was the subject of a biopic titled Man of a Thousand Faces, in which he was portrayed by James Cagney. The film is a largely fictionalized account, as Chaney was notoriously private and hated the Hollywood lifestyle. He never revealed personal details about himself or his family, once stating, "Between pictures, there is no Lon Chaney."

Chaney's son Creighton, who later changed his name to Lon Chaney Jr., became a film actor after his father's death. Chaney Jr. is best remembered for roles in horror films, such as the title character in The Wolf Man (1941). In October 1997, both Chaneys appeared on commemorative US postage stamps as the Phantom of the Opera and the Wolf Man, with the set completed by Bela Lugosi as Dracula and Boris Karloff as Frankenstein's monster and the Mummy.

Chaney is also the subject of the 2000 documentary feature, Lon Chaney: A Thousand Faces. The film was produced by silent film historian Kevin Brownlow and narrated by Kenneth Branagh.

[thecomicsnexus]

DETECTIVE COMICS #524-526, BATMAN #357-359 MARCH - MAY 1983 BY GERRY CONWAY, DON NEWTON, ALFREDO ALCALA, DAN JURGENS, CURT SWAN, RODIN RODRIGUEZ, DICK GIORDANO AND ADRIENNE ROY

SYNOPSIS (FROM DC DATABASE)

Batman is on the lookout for the associates of the crimelord called Tony Falco, who has been already captured by the authorities. However, during his investigations, Batman learns that most of them are being recruited by the Squid, a former spy turned gangster.

Meanwhile, Dick Grayson goes to a circus in New Jersey, where his friend Waldo introduces him to the Todds, the circus' trapeze artists. Unknown to Dick, the circus' owner, Mr. Sloan is being blackmailed by a crook only known as Croc, who runs a protection racket.

Later, Batman has learned that the Squid is planning to get rid of all competition to become Gotham's first crimelord. Knowing this, Batman prepares a plan to save Tony Falco, who is bound to be sentenced and prosecuted in court. After the session, Falco is sentenced to prison, but during transport, the Squid releases him and takes him to his hideout. In the abandoned aquarium, Squid reveals that he already knows that the man he just released is not Falco, but in reality is Batman in disguise. With his plan discovered, Batman has no choice but to fight Squid's henchmen, but he is easily outnumbered and captured. Finally and in revenge for their past encounter, Squid throws Batman inside the tank where his giant squid will devour the Dark Knight.

Batman has been captured by the Squid and is currently struggling against the crook's giant squid pet. Batman manages to break free and escapes from the deathtrap. The only member of the criminals in the whole place that notices Batman's escape, is the one that they call Croc, but the thug departs remarking that this outfit 'smells of loser'. Outside he notices the Batman fleeing, looks up and still does nothing calmly letting him go.

Later, Bruce returns to Wayne Manor, where Dick Grayson has organized a party with his new friends from the Sloan Circus, the Todd Family. When Bruce arrives, he is taken to a room, where Dick and Alfred take care of his wounds. Unfortunately, Trina Todd enters the room looking for Dick and she notices the Batsuit near Bruce, who is full of bandages. Even though Dick tells her to forget about the whole incident, they know that she most likely knows the truth.

Moments later, Squid has gathered his gang again. Ranting about setbacks, he attempts to make plans for his next gambit to murder Batman. His men are uncertain about his chances some even consider leaving as Croc has. Meanwhile, Waylon has already found a convenient place one hundred yards outside of Squid's secret headquarters in the aquarium and using a sniper's rifle (the Mannlicher VIII) kills the Squid as part of his attempt to take over Gotham's underworld, and as payback for the Spy's earlier threat. He then leaves having used one single bullet which had penetrated his rival's heart.

The next day, Batman and Commissioner Gordon learn about the murder of Squid and they know that whoever killed him is the person they should be worried about with Batman saying that there was a witness namely the bullet which entered the spymaster's heart.

Killer Croc enters the Tobacconists' Club and proceeds to appoint himself the new head of the Gotham underworld, filling the void left by his murder of the Squid. However, the members of the organization are not convinced and they prepare some challenges to test Croc.

In the meantime, Batman connects the bullet that killed the Squid to a prototype gun, of which only three were ever made and one of which is owned by an arms dealer in Gotham named Specs. From Specs, the Dark Knight learns of Croc and the fact that he lives in a deserted part of Gotham called “Hell's Point”.

When Batman informs the current situation to Robin, he makes a connection between Croc and a protection racket being run on the Sloan Circus, thanks to information given to him by Trina Todd.

The members of the Tobacconists' Club have decided to test Croc by sending him to steal a high tech computer from S.T.A.R. Labs and Croc succeeds without any trouble, even causing major damage in the process. The criminals of the club are satisfied with Croc, but he leaves them with a threat to eliminate them if they don't take him seriously.

After learning about Croc's location from a street gang, Batman waits for the criminal at his home. Enraged with Batman's appearance in his home, Croc destroys the building and flees from the place, but Batman follows closely. Cornered, Croc jumps to the dark waters of the river below, where Batman loses sight of him.

Batman is unable to find the body of Killer Croc after their previous encounter, but the Dark Knight is hesitant to declare the criminal dead. And had he look a little closer, he would've been right.

Less than twenty four hours later, an angered Vickie Vale ends her date with Bruce Wayne after Bruce, in essence, tells the news editor that their relationship is not serious.

At the Sloan Circus, Robin tells Joe and Trina Todd about Killer Croc and his ties to the group that is trying to extort money from the circus. Robin asks the duo for their help in capturing Croc and after a discussion, the aerialists agree.

Later that night in the tunnels below “Hell's Point”, Batman tracks down Killer Croc and the combatants battle once again. The fight, however, leads to the duo being separated and Batman finds himself dragged away by the Gotham Sewer as Croc again makes his escape.

Batman breaks into the Tobacconists' Club to learn the whereabouts of Killer Croc from the club's presiding officer, Filbert Hughes. Croc breaks into the Gotham City Jail and murders mob boss Tony Falco, the last obstacle to Croc's climb to the top of Gotham's underworld. But the jail's alarms alert Batman and soon the Dark Knight and Croc are battling for the third time; a battle that ends quickly as Croc's brute strength overwhelms Batman.

Back at Wayne Manor, Dick Grayson becomes concerned with his asking the Todds to keep their eyes on the man running the protection racket on the Sloan Circus, fearing it is becoming too dangerous. Bruce becomes enraged and says he is tired of “citizens” waiting for someone else to save them and that the Todds made a commitment that they need to fulfill. Bruce's outburst saddens Dick and he leaves the manor feeling that Bruce is “getting to be a stranger”. Bruce, sorry over his outburst towards Dick, calls Vickie Vale and apologizes for the things he said to her the night before, knowing the apology will never be enough.

At the Sloan Circus, on the cliffs overlooking the New Jersey Palisades, Joe and Trina Todd follow the man working for Croc extorting money from the circus just as Dick arrives and learns of the Todds' actions. Meanwhile at the Gotham Zoo, the Todds find Killer Croc but soon learn they were expected.

In Crime Alley, Joker has gathered some of the most relevant of Batman's enemies and he informs them about a plan to murder the Bat and eliminating their new adversary: Killer Croc. However, there are two among their ranks who don't want part in their scheme. Talia and Catwoman escape from the place and they both set out to warn Batman about the plan.

Meanwhile, Dick Grayson has learned that Joe and Trina Todd have gone looking for Killer Croc and he takes their only son, Jason to Wayne Manor. At that moment, Commissioner Gordon and Barbara are investigating the meeting place of the criminals, who have escaped massively from Arkham Asylum. In the building, Barbara finds an important clue and she decides that it's time for Batgirl to act. Minutes later, she arrives at Wayne Manor, where she contacts Dick and tells him about the massive breakout. Dick is shocked to learn that Barbara has once again learned their identities, even after losing them, to which Barbara replies that she is a detective and not a dumb girl. Together once again, Batgirl and Robin start looking for the criminals and most importantly, for the Todds.

In the meantime, Batman, Catwoman and Talia are working together to stop the lunatics and they confront Riddler, Mad Hatter, Cavalier and Scarecrow. The heroes manage to defeat them, but the Mad Hatter is apparently killed in his escape attempt. Shortly afterwards, the criminals are delivered to the Gotham City Hall. The unlikely trio then work together to defeat and capture Mister Freeze, Black Spider, Signalman and Spook. With this victory, the heroes get a new clue to the criminals' plan and they return to the Batcave to investigate.

All this happens as Jason Todd is alone in Wayne Manor and he starts looking for the kitchen to get a snack. However, he gets lost and finds the secret entrance to the Batcave behind the grandfather's clock, which was wide open in the first place, and he goes down the stairs until he finds the secret cave. Todd soon deduces that Bruce Wayne is Batman and while searching among the cave's relics, he finds Dick Grayson's old costume from his days at Haly's Circus and he wears the outfit.

Meanwhile, Batgirl and Robin have learned that Killer Croc's lair is at the Gotham Zoo and they rush to the place only to find that the Gotham City Police Department have already surrounded the place. When Robin and Batgirl get inside, Robin learns that Joe and Trina have been murdered by Killer Croc and the pain caused is too much for him to bear.

Killer Croc is soon contacted by the Joker, who wants to make a deal with him by giving him the chance to murder Batman and the new crime lord agrees, unaware that Joker plans to double-cross him.

When Batman, Catwoman and Talia arrive to the cave, they use the Batcomputer to learn the next location where the criminals might strike and they go on the Batmobile. In a foolish and childish act, Jason Todd jumps into the truck of the car, seeking the thrill of adventure. Elsewhere in Gotham, Batgirl and Robin interrogate the leaders of the Tobacconists' Club about Croc's location and a ruthless Robin gets the answers that he needs.

Batman, Catwoman and Talia are the first to arrive at Adams Brewery, where they find several of the crooks already beaten to a pulp. They realize too late that they have been lured into a trap and they are promptly captured and tied by Croc's men, with assistance from the Joker. Outside of the building, Jason leaves the trunk of the Batmobile and investigates the scene, locating the trapped heroes. Outside, Robin and Batgirl confront more villains who were part of Joker's plan and were waiting to get inside to eliminate Croc

Inside the building, Croc allows Batman to fight and the two of them engage in combat while Batgirl and Robin take care of the remaining thugs including the Joker, who realizes that his plan has gone wrong. Batman and Croc have an even combat, but eventually, Croc's superior stamina gives him the upper hand and he plans to use a big pipe to kill Batman. It is then that Robin reveals that Croc has killed the Todds and Jason, who was looking the whole fight, descends upon Croc, throwing him off balance and allowing Batman to knock him unconscious. A frantic Jason then attacks the unconscious Croc in a fit of rage for the murder of his parents. Batman and the members of the Bat-Family restrain him while Batgirl releases Catwoman and Talia from the death trap.

Afterwards, Croc and all the criminals have been captured and peace has returned. Bruce Wayne says farewell to Selina and Talia, who have found an unlikely friendship in one another with the only common thing that they both want to see the other dead. Bruce then returns to Wayne Manor, where Dick takes responsibility for the death of the Todds and he wants to adopt Jason. However, Bruce doesn't like the idea and instead, he decides to look after the young orphan, much like he did years ago with Dick.

REVIEW

Gerry Conway wanted to bring Robin back to the bat-titles, but he wanted to make him younger. Marv Wolfman wanted to have Dick Grayson for himself (and keep him at the age he had). Apparently this is how Jason came to be. You can hear all about it in this interview with Gerry Conway.

If you don’t recognize Jason Todd in this picture, don’t worry, you are familiar with the Post-Crisis version of the character. Before Crisis, Jason was blonde (or redhaired?), and was also a circus performer. This is the first time I ever read Jason’s origin pre-crisis (turns out this story is later cataloged as not happening in Earth-One, for whatever reason).

If I tell you the basics about Jason, you will think he is an exact copy of Dick. However, Gerry Conway did a good job in not making this a “Kid Flash” origin story. We are led to think that his parents are going to die in the trapeze because of the protection racket. But his parents die tracking Croc instead.

There is something going on with Batman in these issues. He feels like he is a loner and starts alienating everyone around him. Reading this book about Robin “Dick Grayson, Boy Wonder: Scholars and Creators on 75 Years of Robin, Nightwing and Batman”, there are a couple of theories about Batman and Robin. The most important one revolves around childhood drama. Bruce Wayne swore revenge unto others (an on to himself) by embarking in a futile war against crime. There is no way Bruce can win in the end, so there is nothing ending his mission. Psychologically, Bruce never grew up.

The moment he finds Dick Grayson, both of them can talk about their traumas, and even better, can put an end to the Grayson’s killer. This brings closure to Dick Grayson. He decides to be loyal to Batman in his mission, but this is not his quest. Dick goes to college and then to the Titans, while Batman continues fighting alone.

In these issues, he alienates Vicky Vale and Dick Grayson, more than once. There is something else going on, that I still haven’t figured out (why does he let Killer Croc escape?). Bruce even says that Dick has grown up. In his traumatized mind, he cannot relate to Dick Grayson anymore. He needs to talk to another traumatized kid. Enter: Jason Todd. So, if you ever think that is too creepy that Bruce Wayne adopts orphans all the time. Well, this explains that a bit better, as in his mind, Bruce Wayne is still that ten year old kid. A very intelligent one, of course.

This is also the reason he cannot prosper in love or in forming a proper family. But he can form a family of people that share his quest. Always in company, always a loner.

This story is also hard for Dick Grayson. As he warns Bruce that it was a mistake to involve the Todds, only to see them killed by Killer Croc. This is why Dick in the end decides that he may be the one to adopt Jason Todd. Bruce stops him there, because he knows he can relate to the kid even more. I have to admit, that the idea of Dick adopting Jason crossed my mind. The two are too similar and have many things in common. Is it wise to let him become Robin, though?

Well, this Robin will survive (unlike his post-crisis version), but then erased from history.

This is a massive development. After more than 40 years of Dick Grayson as Robin, we get a new one. Nothing will be the same for the Robins after this.

Killer Croc is a very intimidating villain, and you can understand why he became evil as well. This is a well written story, even if it is not very creative with Jason’s origin.

Batgirl know Batman and Robin’s identities (something I thought already happened in the seventies), in a way, this is the beginning of the Batman Family as we know it these days.

Jason is also not an annoying brat. That’s a plus.

In the art we have a confused Curt Swan (who drew the wrong dinosaur), and a fresh Dan Jurgens (who just a few months before started working for DC). Jurgens art looks like Aparo sometimes, but that is probably Giordano’s inks.

Don Newton and Alfredo Alcala do most of these stories though (I understand those fill in artists were put there to give them room to complete the anniversary issue).

I give this story a score of 9

[resurgence-rp]

Under the cut you can check out all the players that have been accepted for their roles. Congratulations! Please take a look at the instructions at the bottom of the page. For those who haven’t been accepted this time around, don’t be discouraged! Send me a message if you want more feedback on your application and I would love for you to re-apply in the future! Congratulations again to all of you and Welcome to RESURGENCE!

✦ Roman, you’ve been accepted to play the roles of Heath Arlington & Cormac Newman. You chose two characters that are practically opposites, and yet you managed to bring them both to life. I was completely in love with both your applications! For Heath, I absolutely adored the way you developed the parallels between Cerberus and the underworld, and how much the club means to them. And for Cormac my favourite thing is definitely his identity crisis of sorts, and how he’s trying to solve it actually making it the topic of his thesis. I think there’s so much potential here and I can’t wait to start seeing them in action! Great job! (fcs: finn wittrock, thomas doherty)

✦ Marie, you’ve been accepted to play the roles of Elena Lima & Pietro da Costa. Elena and Pietro are trouble in such different ways, but also in the best way. Elena with her almost naivety when it comes to romance, and her need for attention; and then Pietro, this reformed devastatingly charming surfer who’s out to break all of our hearts. It’s not easy to write two apps for two major gods like Aphrodite and Poseidon - but you managed to do it wonderfully! I can’t wait to start writing with you, and see what’s going to happen with them. Amazing job! (fcs: bianca santos, marlon teixeira)

✦ Shannon, you’ve been accepted to play the roles of Valentine Wyght. I absolutely loved Valentine’s family history, and how much that impacted on his personality. How is rebellious ways started as a way of trying to belong, and the search for a place he could finally called home basically still follows him around. I can’t wait to see what’s going to happen to him now that he’s back and he’s clearly seeing things from a different perspective. Is the bad boy attitude over for good? I guess we’ll have to wait and see. Amazing job! (fc: sean teale)

✦ Harleigh, you’ve been accepted to play the roles of Rhiannon Hébert. A champion returns! Lawful evil Rhiannon? Sign me up! One of the most interesting things about Hera as a goddess is how grey her morals are. Sometimes she’s a hero, sometimes she’s an icon, and others she appears like a true villain. I think your app for Rhiannon reflects just that. It’s hard to portray such a morally grey character in a modern setting, but you did a wonderful job, and I can’t wait to see the queen of Mount Wells in action! Drama is assured! (fc: paulina singer)

✦ Kiki, you’ve been accepted to play the roles of Dorian Winslow. One of the things I love the most about Dorian is that he’s such a wild card. The way he’s written, mixed with the Dionysus’ soul component pretty much allows you to go anywhere with him. You saw this change, and took advantage from it flawlessly. From his passion for art, to his predilection for social media, to his commitment when it comes to equality; there’s a lot of potential there and i can’t wait to see him in action! Great job! (fc: avan jogia)

✦ Nat, you’ve been accepted to play the roles of Naia Guerrero. What a lovely and refreshing application this was! I’m so glad that Naia is here to complete our trio! I love how determined she is, how passionate she is, her relationship with the ocean since the beginning, how her parents’ divorce affected her, and how she balances partying and having fun with starting her own life project. I think there’s so much potential there, for both development and drama, and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for her. Wonderful job! (fc: bruna marquezine)

✦ Kat, you’ve been accepted to play the roles of Vera Whittemore. I love love love how much thought you put into this application. You just need to read your occupation section to realise you’ve planned everything in Vera’s life to the T, and that’s absolutely amazing to see. You’ve managed to take the info in the skeleton, and give it your own twist, turning Vera into a complex character I’m so eager to see grow here. I can’t wait to write with you and see her in action. Congratulations! (fc: dominique provost-chalkley)

✦ Izzy, you’ve been accepted to play the roles of Edith Pratt. There’s a Clover, and also an Edith, and I couldn’t be happier we got our terrible duo complete from the very beginning! I love the extra quotes you added to the app, but my favourite part were definitely the headcanons. The ones about her relationship with her mum in particular. I feel like you managed to keep the “villain” aspect of Edith but at the same time you made her realistic, and that was amazing to read. I can’t wait to see what she brings to the table! (fc: sky ferreira)

✦ Nella, you’ve been accepted to play the roles of Nina Campbell & Thea Crawford. When I saw your apps for these characters, my first thought was that it was going to be difficult not to make them similar. Even though their stories and backgrounds are completely different, it would be easy to fall for that trap. However, you avoided it completely! You gave Nina a very defined personality, and you wrote a very misguided one for Thea, which I believe was key for both interpretations. I can’t wait to see what kind of situations they’ll both go through now that they’re making changes in their lives. Great job!  (fc: naomi scott, sofia carson)

✦ Dani, you’ve been accepted to play the roles of Tristan Santiago. Finally a Tristan! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw your application. I absolutely loved how detailed it was. Tristan’s relationship with his family, everything to do with his biological father, and his reaction to this sudden fame he has gained after what happened - everything is so well thought and beautifully written that I could go on and on about all the parts I enjoyed while I was reading it. I can’t wait to write with you and see Tristan develop! Wonderful job! (fc: diego boneta)

✦ Mia, you’ve been accepted to play the roles of Dera McClery. I absolutely love Dera. I think she’s one of the most interesting characters of this roleplay, and I’m so glad she has found such a passionate roleplayer to bring her to life. My favourite part of your app were definitely the headcanons. You managed to combine fundamental traits of her character with little things that also paint a perfect picture of who Dera McClery is. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for her and her abilities! Congratulations! (fc: saoirse ronan)

✦ Chloe, you’ve been accepted to play the roles of Amdeus Minett. We have all of our love gods with us and I couldn’t be happier about that! Pretty much like Eros and Aphrodite themselves, Amadeus and Elena paint such a different picture of what love means, and I’m eager to see how that develops. I love how passionate he is about his art and how his creations seem to be the only true love he can keep (and let me tell you, I also appreciate that you went into so much detail about his art preference). There’s a ton of potential, and I can’t wait to see Amadeus grow as a character! Amazing job! (fc: joe keery)

✦ Caitlin, you’ve been accepted to play the roles of David Arevalos. A starving artist that works as a barista - I read that bit and I was already in love. David is simply adorable, and your application was a pleasure to read. I love his sensitivity, the way he thinks about art, and his interest in divination was such a good addition! Honestly all I could think while I read the app was that I want him as a best friend, please. I can’t wait to see him in action, and all that he’s going to bring to the rp! Congratulations!  (fc: tyler posey)

✦ Morgan, you’ve been accepted to play the roles of Preston Carver. I was dying for a Preston! He’s definitely one of my favourite characters (maybe because I’m a gamer who plays D&D as well). I love that he’s the go to guy whenever someone is having computer problems (the text to his mum killed me), and on a more serious note, I really enjoyed how you balanced his gamer past with his present - how he enjoys interacting with people and how his personality comes alive when he’s on stream. Also I play a rogue, so much appreciated. Great job!   (fc: alberto rosende)

✦ Jane, you’ve been accepted to play the roles of Zachary Bailey. I was so relieved when your application came because I was afraid we were going to start without our king of Mount Wells himself! Your interpretation of Zac is basically all that I would except in a modern Zeus, and more. Occupation: rockstar? Depending on his father’s money? Trying to drag his friends around towards every crazy scheme he comes up with? Just flawless. And to conclude, the text messages made me laugh out loud. Amazing job! (fc: michael b. jordan)

✦ Spooky, you’ve been accepted to play the roles of Katrin Moreno (soul of Hecate). I love love the whole idea of Katrin. Their relationship with their parents, their grandmother, how they leaned on their friends, the fact that their background was so different from the usual one you’d find in Mount Wells - and yet they persevered and turned that into something magical; honestly I was hooked from the very beginning. I truly believe they will be a fantastic addition to the roleplay, and I can’t wait to see them in action! Congratulations! (fc: danny noriega/adore delano)

✦ Emma, you’ve been accepted to play the roles of Clover Wald. This was such a difficult decision! Both applications had very good and different interpretations of Clover. Ultimately what swayed me was the amazing balance of her neutral evil nature. I enjoy a character who isn’t afraid to do morally grey stuff and is proud of it - and that’s exactly what Clover is about. There’s so much potential in her, and honestly I can’t wait to see how exactly she’ll shake things up. Wonderful job! (fc: courtney eaton)

✦ Aaliyah, you’ve been accepted to play the roles of Layla Dunn. Layla is completely and absolutely adorable. I love the fact that she’s very rational and practical, but she’s also got some pluck in her. I also find really interesting that she’s participating in the Science fair to possibly gain some perspective on what to do after she graduates. I feel that was a great way of giving your own interpretation and twist to the info in the skeleton! On a side note, the bit about Pottermore was fantastic; and I’m also addicted to Color Switch. Great job! (fc: jessica sula)

This is what you need to do next:

Follow EVERYONE

Track all of the tags (found HERE)

Make your character account send it in within 24 hours

Open up your askbox

If for any reason you need more time to get your account in, don’t hesitate to message me so I can keep your role open! If I don’t get a message from you then I will assume you’re no longer interested in keeping your spot. Once you send your account, you’ll be provided with the necessary links and we can get started! And of course; HAVE FUN!

[weirdpaul]

Every Band I’ve Ever Seen Live!

Abdominal Snowmen

Abysme

Action Camp

The Afghan Whigs

Alabaster Box

Alan Astor

Alaska

Algebra Suicide

Align Alike

Allegheny Rhythm Rangers

Allies

Alpha Control Group

Alzo Boszormenyi

AM/FM

America Hearts

Amoeba Knievel

Anita Fix

Annie and the Bombers

An Offhand Way

The Anti-Psychotics

The Antiques

The Antiquities

The Aquabats

Assassinate Caesar!

Atom and His Package

Atomic Mosquitos

ATS

Auk Theater

Automatic Matty P

Aydin

Baby Bird

Baby Shakes

Bad Fathers

Bang Bang Lulu

BaggyPantsRich

Bald Mountain Band

The Bassturd

Bastard Bearded Irishmen

The Bastards of Fate

Bastro

Bat Zuppel

The Beagle Brothers

Beard Science

Bearsuit

Beasters

Beat Happening

The Bedspins

Ben Blanchard

Bennett-Blanchard

The Benquick

Big Mouth Strikes Again Billy Castle

Billy Catfish

The Billy Nayer Show

Birdcloud

Birthday Suits

The Blandinas

Blast Off 3.0

The Bloated Sluts

Bloodbaby

Bloodless Cooties

Bloody Incisors

The Bloody Seamen

Blue Chair

Blue Oyster Cult

Blue Skies Collapse

Blunderbuss

Bob Log III

Bobby Conn

James Bogacz

Bomb Banks

Boom River

Bootsy Collins

Bottomless Pit

Bowhunter

Bradford Reed and the Amazing Pencilina

Brain Handle

Brass Chariot

Brass Panda

Braz Cubas

Brewer's Row

Broke Boland & the Dirty Pickles

Brown Angel

BS2000

Buddy Nutt

The Bumps

The Burndowns

Burning Cacti

Burnout War Cry

Butter Kings

Butthole Lipstick

The Buzzcocks

C-Money and Karl Kash

Cactus Wheelhouse

Camp PP

Canasta

Candy Machine Guns

Canned Hamm

Captain Catfeesh

Casino Bulldogs

Casy Stelitano

Catnip Coma

The Causey Way

Caustic Christ

The Ceiling Stares

Celebration

Centipede E'est

Cex

Channel Scorpion News

Charlie Anteater

Charlie Slick

The Cheats

Chestnut Station

Chet Vincent

Child Bite

Children of October

Choke City

Chris Leo

Chrome Moses

Churchbuilder

Chux Beta

City Dwelling Nature Seekers

The City Steps

The Claymores

The Clearing

Cloaca

Clownvis Presley

Cobalt Black

The Cocktails

The Code

Colin and the Shots

Colombian Express

Combustible Three

Concrete Elite

CooCoo Rockin' Time

The Copyrights

Corpus Christi

Cougars

Crank Radio

Creta Bourzia

Crisis in America

The Crow Flies

Crucial Unit

Crunk Witch

Cryptorchid Chipmunk

Curses and Kisses

Daily Grind

Daiquiri

Daniel Johnston

Danielson

Dark Lingo

Darren Keen

Dave Bernabo

David Liebe Hart

Dead City Dealers

Dean Cercone

Death of Samantha

Decaffeinated Grapefruit

Decision Way All-Stars

The Degenerettes

Demander

Deral Fenderson

Derek Deprator Band

Derica

Dethlehem

Developer

The Devil Dogs

The Devil is Electric

The Devil's Jukebox

Devin Russian

Devo

Die Kruezen

Dirtbag Diary

The Dirty Charms

Dirty Fences

Dirty Sunshine

Dirty Weekend

Discuss

Disrobe

Divine Seven

Divorce

Do Crimes

Don Caballero

Don Capicola

Dollar Shots

Donora

Doog

Dookie Houser Emcee

The Douglass Brothers

Down By Law

Downside

The Dozal Brothers

DQE

Drink Tax

The Dripp Brothers

Drug Dealer

Duckmandu

Duke of Uke

The Dumplings

Duo!

Dwarf Fortress

Ear to Ear

Earlimart

Earls of Industry

Ec8tor

Echolalia

Edie Sedgewick

Ed's Redeeming Qualities

Eggs

8 Cylinder

Eighty Eight Magnum

'85 Flood

El Boxeo

El Grosso

Electric Grandmother

The Elemental

Elephant Bones

Elf Power

Eli “Paperboy” Reed

Elliott Sussman

Elsinore

Ember Schrag

The Emergency

Emerson Jay

Emily Jo Fabiszewski

Endless Mike and the Beagle Club

Eoley Mullulay

Erectus Monotone

Eric and the Electric MP3 Player

Erika Carey & the Calamities

The Eruptions

Eskimo '88

Estelle

Eugene Chadbourne/Jimmy Carl Black

Euphonic Brew

Everyone Everywhere

Evolution Control Committee

Ezra Lbs

Face Down in Shit

Falon

Fancytramp

Fangs of the Panda Fat White Family

Fate of Icarus

Jerry Fels and the Jerry Fels

Fezzwig

The Fife and Forth

The Fingers

Fire & Sex

The Fireworks

First Into Space

First Jason

First Person Singular

The Fizzies

Flaming Lips

The Fletch-heads

Flotation Device

Flotilla Way

Folk Implosion

The Forbidden Five

Forgotten Nobody

Four Dead Flowers

The Four Roses

Four Seasons Boys

Frank Barone

French Toast

Fry Jones

Gadgits

The Garden

The Garment District

Gary Musisko

Gary Twoman

Gentleman Auction House

George Willard

German Shepherd Ghost Road

Gil Mantera's Party Dream

Girl Talk

Girl Trouble

Glad Girls

Go Pills

Go Pillx

The Goblins

The Goonies

Goonland

The Goops

The Gothees

Grand Buffet

Grand Piano

Granola Explosion

Grant Valdes

Gravel

The Graveyard Rockers

Great Ants

Greg Cislon

Groundwater Mafia

The Grow Ops

Grumpy

Guided By Voices

Guru Guru

Guyliners

Half Japanese

Happy Flowers

Har Mar Superstar

HARM

Hard Money

Harry and the Potters

Heaven & Hell

Heavy Cream

The Hecklers

Height

The Heiz

Helmet

Hell Yeah the Hellcats

The Helper T-Cells

The Heretics

The Hidden Twin

The Hi-Frequencies

The Hillbilly Varmints

The Hips

The Hodag

Hogwind

The Homostupids

The Hope Harveys

Hot Dog Forest

Hot Mess

Hotness

Houdini's Psychic Theater

House of Assassins

Household Stories

Hovland

Howard Jones

HTML

The Human Brains

Hungry Bill

Hurra Torpedo

I am the Lost Sea

I Speak Tree

Ian Semasko

Ice Capades

Icon Gallery

In the Wake of Giants The Independents

Instead of Sleeping

International Espionage

The Invisible Nothings

IO

Irene Moon

Ivenfaint

J. Marinelli

Jack in Irons

Jack Medicine

Jack Sabbith

Jackson

Jad Fair

Jake and the Jakeman

Jam Messengers

Jana Bates

Jandek

Jane's Addiction

The Jasons

The Jealous Zealots

Jefferson Golfcart

Jericho Theory

The Jim Dandies

Jody Perigo & Laura Totten

Joe Jack Talcum

Joe Landes

Joey Molinaro

Johnny and the Razorblades

Johnny Locomotive & the Engineers

The Johnsons

Jonathan Hape

Jonathan Richman

Jonny Cohen

Joybox

JPS Brown

Judas Priest

The Juicy Girls

Juno Vega

Jupiter's Girlfriend

K-Hun

Kafka Romance Dissolver

Kalon

Karl Hendricks

Kazimier

Kevin Finn

Khaled

Kick Old Man

Kick the Can

Kill Or Be Killed

Kind of Like Spitting

King Karcass

King Kong

King Missile

kingdom Of Not

Kisswhistle

Kitty Pryde and the Shadowcats

Koala-T

Kracfive AllStars

The Kyle Sowashes

The Lady and the Monsters

Landing Strip

Landmonster!

Laura Kahl

Lavacola

Le Cachot

The Left Turns

Leonard Cohen Ensemble One

Leo's Operation

Les Georges Leningrad

The Lesser Apes

Let Them Eat Cake

Libre Duo

Life in Bed

The Limbs

Living Praise Choir

Liz and the Bandits

The Lobster Quadrille

Loose Interpretation

The Lopez

Lord Grunge

Lorelei

Lorenzo's Oil

Los Swamp Monsters

Lost Weekend

Lou Barlow

The Love Drunks

Lover 29

Lunachicks

Lung Mountain

Lydia Lunch

Mac Sabbath

Magic Wolf

Magnolia Electric Co.

Maguillacutty

The Main Events

The Make-up

Mama Spell

Man Found Dead

Manherringbone

Manhole

Margo Van Hoy

Mark Mallman

Marshmallow Pop Orchestra

Marumari

Marvin Dioxide

Massif

Master Mechanic

Maurice Rickard

Maxi-Pads

McCarthy Commission

MC Cliff B

MC Habitat

Meatballs/Fluxus

Mecca Normal

Medium Ugly

Meeting of Important People

Meisha

Meltdown

The Melvins

Bill Merante

The Meridians

Microwaves

Middle Children

Midge Cricket

Midnight Creeps

Midnite Snake

Mike Dillon Band

Mike Maimone

Mike Tamburo

Mikey C

Milagres

The Minders

Mindless Chaos

Miniature Giant

Miniature Table Concerts

Miss Massive Snowflake

Missile Toe

Missing Pilots

Modern Life

Modern Vending

Modey Lemon

Moldies and Monsters

The Molecules

Molesuit Choir

A Moment of Clarity

Mommy's Little Monster

Moonlight Motel

Moons of Saturn

Mortis

MOTO

Motorhead

The Motorpsychos

Mr. Funky

Mr. T Experience

MSC

The Muckrakers

Mud City Manglers

Murder of Bridges

Murphy's Law

Mustache Required

Mutant Mountain Boys

My Boyfriend the Pilot

My Captain, My Sea

My Dad is Dead

My Niece Denise

My Prodi

My Sexiest Mistake

My Superhero

The Name of This Band is Not Talking Heads

Nanako

Narse

Byron Nash and Plan B

Nathaniel Seer

The National Rifle

Nautical Almanac

The Need

Negative Reaction

Neighbors

Neil Hamburger

Nest

The New Alcindors

Newband

Nicholas Megalis

Night and the City

Night Shall Eat These Boys and Girls

Night Terror

The Noble Brats

Nobunny

Noctuelles

Northern Bushmen

The Northern Spy

Nosotros

Nox Boys

NRBQ

O Lendario Chucrobillyman

O.C. Feef

Oakley Hall

Octopus, Inc.

Odin Heed and the Headwinch

Ohmu

The Ohsees

On Vinyl

Only Flesh

The OPD

Orvill Rex

Ouais

Overseas

Owl Style

The Pacifist Femmes

PAK

Paleface

Pam Hanlin

Pancreatic Aardvarks

Parvulus Infectus

Patrick Elkins

Paul Green Rock Academy

Paul Kotheimer

Paul Labrise and the Trees

Paul Lynde 451

Paul Tabachnek

Pete Bush and the Hoi Polloi

Pete Donnelly

Pfunkt

The Phantom Maggots

Phat Free

Phat Man Dee

The Phone Calls

Phred Rainey

Piasa

Picasso Trigger

Pierogi Pizza

Pig Iron

Pikadori

Pinche Gringo

Pitchin' Woo

Pleaseeasaur

The Pleasureheads

Poingly

The Polyatomic

Polvo

Ponytail

Poopy Necroponde's Burgee Boys

The Pork Torta

Porno Tongue

Pox

PPDB

Presque Vu

Pretty Girls Make Graves

Professor Purple

Proto-martyr

Psycho-a-go-go

Puma Barrier

Quaranteened

R. Stevie Moore

The Radio Beats

Radio 4

Rainy Day Regatta

The Ramones

Rapscallionz

Ray Zen

Reason and Eos

Red Vs. Black

The Red Western

Refried Boogie

Reo Speedwagon

Requiem

The Residents

The Resistables

Rex Morgan M.D. Trio

The Rhodora

Rick Bach

River Is To Train

RJ Myato

Xylen Roberts

Robin Vote

Rocket From the Tombs

Rocketsled

The Roger 6

The Rogers Sisters

Rollins Band

Rot Shit

Roulette Waves

Round Black Ghosts

Royal City

The Ruins

Run DMC

The Sablowskis

Sad Tropics

Salt Chuck Mary

Sam Goodwill

Samuel Locke Ward & The Boo Hoos

Santa Inferno

Satanic Bat

Satyr/Elfheim

Savage Lines

Says She

The SB

Scandal

Science is Dead

Scott Demian

Scott Fry

The Scratch n Sniffs

Scrawl

Seam

Seas We Fear To Sail

Season Finale

Sebadoh

Secret Paper Moon

The Seeing Eyeballs

The Semi-Supervillains

Senator Flux

Sewercide

The Sewing Machine War

SFX

Sheer Mag

Shitappa Oyabun

Shonen Knife

The Show is the Rainbow

Sick Ridiculous and the Sick Ridiculous

Signifiers

Silbia Han

Silkworm

The Silver Eagle Band

Sissy Baby Boys

Skinless/Boneless

The Skirt Tasters

Slant 6

Slate Dump

Sleeping in Class

SleepyV

Slices

The Slow Reel

Sludgehammer

Smokey Bellows

The Smugglers

Sneaky Mike

Sodastream

Soft Sickle

Solarburn

Son of Bitch

Song of Zarathustra

Songs About Robots Sorry I'm Dead

Soul Excursion

Sounding Rockets

South Ken

South Sea Sneak

Sovron Court

Spacefish

Sparrow

Special Ed

The Speeds

Spidercake

Spoon

Sports Metaphors

Spudboys

Spynda, Pace and Kress

Star fk Radium

The Stars

Stars of the Dogon

Steady Matt

Stephen Foster and the Awesomes

Steve Boyle

Steve Malkmus

Steve Whitten

Sticky Pink Chew

Stone Temple Pilots

Jim Storch

Stuck in Standby

Styles For Modern Living

Styx

Subdevil

Sugar Daddy

The Suicide Dolls

Summer Erickson

Summer Lungs

Super Fun Time Awesome Party Band

Superchunk

Supersystem

The Surface Dwellers

Sweet Icing

Sweet Nothing

Take No Damage

TBA

Tecumseh EQs

Ted Leo + Pharmacists

Telecorps

Telefonics

Telesys

The Telethons

Television

Terror, Inc.

Testament

The Test Patterns

Thee 50's High Teens

Thee Speaking Canaries

They Might Be Jerks

Thin Sketch

Things That Aren't There Anymore

Third Class

.38 Special

This Present Expression

Three Day Stubble

The Thunder Chickens

Thee Starry Eyes

Tianna and the Cliffhangers

TigerHorseSheepPigCow

Tilt

The Tinklers

Tonks and the Aurors

Torus

Treeline Freeline

The Tree Three

Triggers

Tron Ate My Baby

Truckasaurus

True Love Always

Truxon

TsuShiMamiRie

Tub Ring

Tulpa

Tusklord

TV John

2020K

Uke and Tuba

Ukebox

Ukiah

Ukulady Liz

Ultimate VAG

Ume

Uni Sami

Universal Congress Of

Unlikely Japan

The Upholsterers

Upskirts

Vale and Year

Vampire Nation

Vampire Weekend at Bernies

Vehicle Flips

Vel

The Velcats

Velvet Monkeys

Vequinox

Videohippos

Viewers Like You

Village of Dead Roads

The Viragos

The Visitations

The Vivians

Von Ludendork

Vox Robotica

Wake

Wallace's Fallen Obelisk Kidz

The Wasps Nest and Valerie Kuehne

The Waxwings

WE are the Asteroid

We are the Dead

We Came From Space

The Weasels

Weird Al Yankovic

Werewolves

Wesley Willis

Western Pennsylvania

The Whipped Cream Explosion

The White Stripes

Will Simmons & Turdburglar

William Wesley and the Tiny Sockets

Wimp Factor 14

The Winterbrief

The Wire Riots

The Working Poor

Workshop

Wyld Stalyns

The Wynkataug Monks

X.13

The X Brothers

Asher Yatzar

The Youngstown Tramps

Your Favorite Assassin

Yung Ka

Z-Man

Za Dharsh

The Zambonis

Zigtebra

Zelazowa

The Zou

Zubat and the Bees' Knees

The Zvills

[cutsliceddiced]

New top story from Time: 45 New Books You Need to Read This Summer

As many of us usher in a summer unlike any we’ve experienced before, the pleasure of reading remains a comforting constant. Many of us may not be able to relax on a beach or gather around a pool with friends, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still escape to somewhere far away — or realistically close. The best new books coming in June, July and August, from veterans including Kevin Kwan and Masha Gessen to exciting newcomers like Megha Majumdar and Kelli Jo Ford, offer welcome respite from our immediate troubles, while still asking urgent questions about the world that surrounds us. Whether your heart calls for romantic diversions, page-turning thrills or thought-provoking nonfiction, here are 45 new books to read this summer.

The Vanishing Half, Brit Bennett (June 2)

After moving to New Orleans as teenagers, twin sisters who shared a traumatic childhood in the Jim Crow South split ways. Brit Bennett’s twisty new novel The Vanishing Half finds Desiree and Stella Vignes years later as adult women with very different lives. Desiree lives as black, while Stella passes as white. The sisters haven’t seen each other in decades and Stella, now in California, is married to a man with no knowledge of his wife’s familial history. As she follows the estranged duo’s journey, Bennett creates a striking portrait of racial identity in America.

Buy Now: The Vanishing Half on Bookshop | Amazon

The Book of Rosy: A Mother’s Story of Separation at the Border, Rosayra Pablo Cruz and Julie Schwietert Collazo (June 2)

After Rosayra Pablo Cruz’s husband was murdered in their home country of Guatemala in 2018, she decided to venture north with her two sons in search of a better life. But their suffering was only beginning: when they arrived at the U.S.-Mexico border, her sons were seized and placed in detention centers, while Pablo-Cruz spent 81 days in a cell. Their agonizing odyssey is captured in Cruz’s memoir, which sheds light on the plight of the countless families who have been separated while attempting to cross the border.

Buy Now: The Book of Rosy on Bookshop | Amazon

Exciting Times, Naoise Dolan (June 2)

The debut novel from Naoise Dolan centers around a 22-year-old Irish expat living in Hong Kong, caught in a thorny love triangle. Ava is torn between two very different people: emotionally guarded banker Julian and affectionate and ambitious lawyer Edith. Should Ava be with the person who fits more easily into her life, or explore something new? In examining her protagonist’s options, Dolan crafts sharp commentary on the intersection of longing, class and power.

Buy Now: Exciting Times on Bookshop | Amazon

Surviving Autocracy, Masha Gessen (June 2)

New Yorker staff writer Masha Gessen’s latest book asks how the Trump administration’s language will impact the future of governing in the U.S. Gessen, who won a National Book Award for The Future is History, inspects how American democracy has shifted in the past few years, and connects it to the rhetoric of the President. Having grown up in the Soviet Union, Gessen provides a personal perspective on the rise of autocratic leadership, which the author uses to understand the relationship between Trump, the media and the American public.

Buy Now: Surviving Autocracy on Bookshop | Amazon

A Burning, Megha Majumdar (June 2)

Jivan is an English tutor from the slums of India who is wrongfully accused of aiding a terrorist attack after posting a comment on Facebook that criticized her government. Her only alibi is the outcast Lovely, who would be risking everything to help set Jivan free. Complicating matters more is PT Sir, a power-hungry gym teacher who is lured into helping the right-wing political party to ensure Jivan takes the fall. Set against the backdrop of contemporary India, Megha Majumdar’s debut novel focuses on these three characters as Jivan’s trial threatens to upend each of their lives.

Buy Now: A Burning on Bookshop | Amazon

The Lehman Trilogy, Stefano Massini (June 2)

The Lehman Trilogy was one of the most anticipated plays to open on Broadway this spring: it charted the long rise of Lehman Brothers, once an American financial powerhouse before its spectacular collapse in 2008. Broadway shut down while the play was in previews, but disappointed would-be audience members and other English-language readers can now enjoy the novelization-in-verse that playwright Stefano Massini first published in Italy in 2016.

Buy Now: The Lehman Trilogy on Bookshop | Amazon

The Dragons, the Giant, the Women, Wayétu Moore (June 2)

At five years old, Wayétu Moore escaped her home in Liberia with her family as the emerging civil war threatened their safety. They fled by foot and, assisted by a rebel soldier, made it to the neighboring country of Sierra Leone. Moore’s mother lived in the U.S. at the time, and the family eventually reunited there, relocating to Texas. In her bruising new memoir, Moore describes the perilous journey as well as her experience of being a black immigrant living in the American South. Through it all, she threads an urgent narrative about the costs of survival and the strength of familial love.

Buy Now: The Dragons, the Giant, the Women on Bookshop | Amazon

Our Time is Now: Power, Purpose, and the Fight for a Fair America, Stacey Abrams (June 9)

Time will tell what role Stacey Abrams will play in our national consciousness by the end of the year: her name is frequently bandied about as a potential vice presidential pick for Joe Biden. Regardless of whether she holds a position of power then, there will be plenty to learn from her book, which focuses on her major cause: voting rights. In it, she explores the history of voter suppression in the U.S. and her own experience of running for governor of Georgia.

Buy Now: Our Time is Now on Bookshop | Amazon

You Exist Too Much, Zaina Arafat (June 9)

The unnamed protagonist of Zaina Arafat’s debut novel, a bisexual Palestinian-American DJ with literary ambitions, finds herself caught between several poles: her two countries; virtue and desire; family and personal ambition. The fragmented novel crosses from Jerusalem to New York to Jordan to Iowa as she attempts to find love and uncover the roots of her long-held trauma that extends out of her volatile maternal relationship.

Buy Now: You Exist Too Much on Bookshop | Amazon

Rebel Chef: In Search of What Matters, Dominique Crenn with Emma Brockes (June 9)

When Dominique Crenn was 19, she realized that in order to pursue her dreams of becoming a prominent chef, she would have to leave France. Although her home country was ostensibly the culinary capital of the world, it still operated on sexist assumptions. Crenn writes about her winding journey to achieve her dreams through an Indonesian kitchen, a victory on Iron Chef and eventually her first restaurant, Atelier Crenn in San Francisco, which would win multiple Michelin stars.

Buy Now: Rebel Chef on Bookshop | Amazon

Pizza Girl, Jean Kyoung Frazier (June 9)

The 18-year-old pizza delivery girl at the heart of Jean Kyoung Frazier’s debut novel is not ready for her life to change, but it’s about to in a big way. She’s pregnant and not exactly planning for her future — until she drops off a pizza at the home of Jenny Hausler, a 30-something stay-at-home mom. The two forge an unlikely bond, but it soon teeters into strange territory when the narrator becomes obsessed with her new friend.

Buy Now: Pizza Girl on Bookshop | Amazon

Broken People, Sam Lansky (June 9)

The buzzy debut novel from Sam Lansky, TIME’s West Coast Editor and author of the memoir The Gilded Razor, is a work of autofiction following Sam, a cynical depressive in Los Angeles. On the brink of emotional collapse, Sam turns to a shaman who promises to perform “open-soul surgery” and heal all that ails him in three days — and in the process, takes him into the darkest recesses of his past loves and losses.

Buy Now: Broken People on Bookshop | Amazon

The Secret Women, Sheila Williams (June 9)

In Sheila Williams’ fifth novel, three seemingly different women meet at a yoga class and bond over the recent passings of their mothers. The trio comb through their mothers’ possessions and are shocked to discover unread diary entries and letters that reveal secrets about the women who raised them. As they navigate their grief, the three daughters dig deeper into their mothers’ pasts to better understand themselves.

Buy Now: The Secret Women on Bookshop | Amazon

Together in a Sudden Strangeness: America’s Poets Respond to the Pandemic, edited by Alice Quinn (June 9)

Isolation has long been an essential poetic theme, from Basho haikus to Neruda poems—including the one that gives the title of this timely anthology its name. Eighty-five new poems document life in the strange new reality of the COVID-19 pandemic, by writers like Pulitzer Prize winners Vijay Seshadri and Yusef Komunyakaa as well as Li-Young Lee and Jane Hirshfield. The book will be released as an ebook and audiobook this summer, and hardcover later this year.

Buy Now: Together in a Sudden Strangeness on Amazon

Democracy in One Book or Less: How It Works, Why It Doesn’t, and Why Fixing It Is Easier Than You Think, David Litt (June 16)

Speechwriter David Litt was known as “President Obama’s joke writer in chief”: he spearheaded the writing of many of the President’s sarcastic speeches, including many delivered at White House Correspondents’ Association dinners. Litt’s book laces his signature humor into his exploration of American democracy and how it has transformed over the years.

Buy Now: Democracy in One Book or Less on Bookshop | Amazon

Party of Two, Jasmine Guillory (June 23)

An innocent meet-cute evolves into a complicated secret relationship between a white politician and a black lawyer in hit romance author Jasmine Guillory’s fifth book. When Olivia Monroe meets Max Powell at a hotel bar, she has no idea he’s a senator. They hit it off and initially choose to keep their dating life private due to Max’s job, but soon the secret’s out. As the media starts picking on Olivia, she has to decide whether her boyfriend is worth bearing the brunt of painful scrutiny.

Buy Now: Party of Two on Bookshop | Amazon

Death in Her Hands, Ottessa Moshfegh (June 23)

In this era of social distancing, Ottessa Moshfegh’s 2018 novel My Year of Rest and Relaxation, a biting portrait of self-loathing and solitude, feels particularly prescient. But her latest work of fiction is just as relevant. In Death in Her Hands, a widow takes a walk in the woods, where she finds a note that announces the killing of a woman named Magda. There is no body to be seen, but Moshfegh’s isolated protagonist is determined to solve this curious murder mystery, which may not be a murder at all. As many of us find ourselves spending less time with the outside world, Moshfegh’s narrative of loneliness and uncertainty is all the more haunting.

Buy Now: Death in Her Hands on Bookshop | Amazon

Sex and Vanity, Kevin Kwan (June 30)

Kevin Kwan’s follow-up to his hugely popular Crazy Rich Asians trilogy draws inspiration from A Room With a View, and centers on a young Chinese-American woman trying to determine what kind of future she wants. Lucie, an old-money New Yorker, is engaged to a white and wealthy man who will complete her dreams of life as a society power couple. But when she unexpectedly runs into a Chinese-Australian surfer from her past, she starts to question those ambitions. In pages that move between the island of Capri and the Hamptons, Kwan takes another humorous and heartfelt look at wealth, love and identity.

Buy Now: Sex and Vanity on Bookshop | Amazon

Memoirs and Misinformation, Jim Carrey and Dana Vachon (July 7)

The semi-disclaimer that Jim Carrey has made about his debut book says it all: “None of this is real and all of it is true.” The quasi-autobiographical novel from the actor follows a fictionalized Jim Carrey who also happens to be a movie star. This Carrey is feeling both lonely and unsatisfied in his middle age, leading him on an odd path toward creative fulfillment. In depicting his difficulties, the real-life Carrey and his co-author Dana Vachon craft a wild narrative about the lengths some will go to stay relevant.

Buy Now: Memoirs and Misinformation on Bookshop | Amazon

Notes on a Silencing, Lacy Crawford (July 7)

In 2017, the state of New Hampshire opened a criminal investigation into the elite prep school St. Paul’s after reports of decades of sexual misconduct at the school began to surface in the media. Former student Lacy Crawford kept her alleged sexual assault in 1990 at age 15 a secret until that moment. Crawford connected with the detectives on the case and wrote Notes on a Silencing, which details not only her attack but also the forces that allowed predators to operate at the school.

Buy Now: Notes on a Silencing on Bookshop | Amazon

Want, Lynn Steger Strong (July 7)

Following her 2016 debut Hold Still, Lynn Steger Strong’s second novel examines a woman who once had dreams of professorship, but now seems to be hurtling towards bankruptcy and a mid-life crisis. Unmoored and unmotivated, she finds solace in novels as well as a long-lost childhood friend, who harbors lost aspirations of her own.

Buy Now: Want on Bookshop | Amazon

Mother Daughter Widow Wife, Robin Wasserman (July 7)

On a bus to Philadelphia, a woman is found with no identification. She doesn’t know where she came from or where she’s going. The state gives her a name — Wendy Doe — and diagnoses her with temporary amnesia, though it may not be so temporary. Mother Daughter Widow Wife finds Wendy on a harrowing plight as she becomes a subject in a research project run by a doctor with questionable intentions. In Wasserman’s timely examination of memory, womanhood and power, Wendy’s daughter sets out to find her mother — and their situation only grows more grave.

Buy Now: Mother Daughter Widow Wife on Bookshop | Amazon

Crooked Hallelujah, Kelli Jo Ford (July 14)

Kelli Jo Ford, a citizen of the Cherokee Nation of Oklahoma, follows four generations of Cherokee women as they persevere through poverty, broken relationships, wildfires, tornadoes, oil busts and acts of violence in her debut novel. In a 2018 interview, Ford described the roots of her work: “Very nearly all of my inspiration in writing and life comes from the women who raised me.”

Buy Now: Crooked Hallelujah on Bookshop | Amazon

The Only Good Indians, Stephen Graham Jones (July 14)

Horror writer Stephen Graham Jones has published more than a dozen novels and hundreds of short stories. His latest, The Only Good Indians, combines mortal danger with social commentary, as it follows four men trying to escape revenge for their actions during an elk hunt long ago. The protagonists, like the author, are part of the Blackfeet Nation.

Buy Now: The Good Indians on Bookshop | Amazon

Utopia Avenue, David Mitchell (July 14)

Given how David Mitchell loves sweeping, fantastical and self-mythologizing narratives (as in his previous novels Cloud Atlas and The Bone Clocks), it’s fitting that he would turn to psychedelic rock for source material. Utopia Avenue stretches nearly 600 pages to tell the rise and fall of a 60’s British rock band of the same name — covering, in Mitchellian fashion, a blend of drugs, truth, ego and schizophrenia.

Buy Now: Utopia Avenue on Bookshop | Amazon

Sex and Lies: True Stories of Women’s Intimate Lives in the Arab World, Leila Slimani (July 14)

Leila Slimani is known for exploring riveting taboos in her fiction. Her latest book, Sex and Lies, explores them in real life. In 2015, the author visited her native Morocco while on tour for Adèle, a novel that offers readers the chance to sympathize with a duplicitous, sex-addicted wife. The tale inspired women in that country — where adultery and sex before marriage are punishable crimes — to tell the author about their own struggles navigating desire and social norms. These confessions became the backbone of her new nonfiction work, an appeal for change, originally written in French, that is given some extra heft by Slimani’s position as an official representative for French language and culture.

Buy Now: Sex and Lies on Bookshop | Amazon

Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close, Aminatou Sow, Ann Friedman (July 14)

The co-hosts of the podcast Call Your Girlfriend Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman reflect on more than 10 years of friendship in their new book. From struggling with communication to the realities of being in an interracial friendship, the authors are candid about how they’ve been able to maintain such a strong bond. Along the way, they prompt readers to consider how they communicate with and fight for the people they hold close. In sharing their personal story, alongside research from social scientists, Sow and Friedman highlight what it takes for a friendship to last.

Buy Now: Big Friendship on Bookshop | Amazon

The Pull of the Stars, Emma Donoghue (July 21)

Spanning just three days, the author of Room’s 11th novel captures the chaos and devastation inside a Dublin hospital maternity ward during the 1918 flu pandemic. There, the hospital’s staff is being pushed to their breaking points to deliver babies from infected mothers. Eerily reminiscent of our current global health crisis, The Pull of the Stars brings readers intimately close to a world where health care workers risk it all to keep their patients alive.

Buy Now: The Pull of the Stars on Bookshop | Amazon

The Answer Is . . .: Reflections on My Life, Alex Trebek (July 21)

Alex Trebek has been a fixture in American culture for more than 30 years, guiding Jeopardy! contestants through everyone’s favorite trivia gauntlet with the reliability of the sun. And so it felt as if the earth had spun off its axis when the longtime gameshow host announced in 2019 that he had Stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Audience members have always been fascinated with Trebek — what opinions rage behind that unflappable facade? — but the news brought a fresh wave of adoring obsession. It was this outpouring of support that helped inspire Trebek to finally write the memoir people have been asking for for decades. What else could it have been titled but The Answer Is …: Reflections on My Life?

Buy Now: The Answer Is…: Reflections on My Life on Bookshop | Amazon

Let’s Never Talk About This Again, Sara Faith Alterman (July 28)

Would you pay good money to watch adults go on stage and read cloying, illogical journal entries they wrote as teenagers? If the answer is yes, then, welcome to Mortified, a much-loved live show and podcast for which Sara Faith Alterman is a producer. Given Alterman’s career trafficking in abasement — as well as her background in comedy writing — it is perhaps not shocking that she had the gumption to write a memoir about a deeply awkward situation: discovering that her father has a secret career as a pornographic novelist. Let’s Never Talk About This Again is Alterman’s third book, one that tenderly explores family dynamics and the pain of loss as well as the nuances of humiliation.

Buy Now: Let’s Never Talk About This Again on Bookshop | Amazon

No Presents Please: Mumbai Stories, Jayant Kaikini (July 28)

It is a challenge to capture a city, to tell a story that sums up a place where countless hopes and fears spark and clang against one another. In writing about Mumbai, a metropolis of 20 million, poet and lyricist Jayant Kaikini overcame this, in part, by telling 16 stories instead of one. Translated from the southern Indian language of Kannada, No Presents Please is an award-winning collection told through characters like a cinema worker and bus driver. “It is a view from the margins,” a judge for the DSC Prize for South Asian Literature said, “and all the more poignant because of it.”

Buy Now: No Presents Please on Bookshop | Amazon

Must I Go, Yiyun Li (July 28)

When 80-something grandmother Lilia Liska discovers the diary of her former lover Roland, she’s thrown into an unexpected exploration of her past. Fascinated by Roland’s memories, Lilia delves into his recorded history, and starts writing on the pages with her own interpretation of the moments they shared. In doing so, she unveils secrets from long before and reflects on the grief she feels over her daughter who died by suicide decades earlier. In illustrating the evolution of that loss, Yiyun Li, author of Where Reasons End, takes a searing look at the strength of a mother’s love.

Buy Now: Must I Go on Bookshop | Amazon

Memorial Drive: A Daughter’s Memoir, Natasha Trethewey (July 28)

Former U.S. Poet Laureate and Pulitzer Prize winner Natasha Trethewey contemplates the traumas of her youth in her aching new memoir. At 19 years old, Trethewey’s life erupted after her stepfather brutally killed her mother. Memorial Drive unpacks that moment and all that came before it, ruminating on Tretheway’s experience growing up in Mississippi and later in Georgia. Fixating on her mother’s past as well as her own, Tretheway constructs a moving reflection on racism, abuse and trauma.

Buy Now: Memorial Drive on Bookshop | Amazon

I Hold a Wolf by the Ears, Laura van den Berg (July 28)

The third short story collection from Laura van den Berg features 11 unnerving and nuanced narratives on contemporary womanhood. In one, a grief freelancer describes her work impersonating dead wives for widowed husbands. In another, cracks begin to form between a married couple who just moved to Florida. And in one of the collection’s most heartbreaking tales, the sister of a comatose gunshot victim remembers a trip they recently took to Iceland. Throughout, van den Berg’s voice is disquieting and aware as she picks apart the culture that both surrounds and suffocates her female characters.

Buy Now: I Hold a Wolf by the Ears on Bookshop | Amazon

The Death of Vivek Oji, Akwaeke Emezi (August 4)

The second adult novel from Akwaeke Emezi, the award-winning author of Freshwater, begins with a death. Vivek Oji’s mother finds her son’s body at her front door, and she’s forced to finally get to know the child she never understood. Though she was an overbearing presence in her child’s life, her husband was not, and as Emezi describes Vivek’s coming-of-age in Nigeria, the author reveals the difficulties the titular character faced in realizing he was queer. By exploring themes of loss, identity and community, Emezi reaffirms a thoughtful voice in unveiling the mystery of Vivek’s passing.

Buy Now: The Death of Vivek Oji on Bookshop | Amazon

Luster, Raven Leilani (August 4)

Twenty-something Edie is an aspiring artist who moves in with the man she’s been seeing after she loses her job. The man is married, but his wife has agreed to keep their relationship open and welcomes Edie into their home. There, Edie is encouraged to bond over her black identity with the couple’s adopted teenage daughter. Spinning fresh commentary on both race and class, tensions in the house rise as Raven Leilani propels her lost protagonist on a darkly funny journey of self-discovery.

Buy Now: Luster on Bookshop | Amazon

Tales of Two Planets: Stories of Climate Change and Inequality in a Divided World, edited by John Freeman (August 4)

Climate change is such an enormous and unwieldy thing that it often feels hard to see, like trying to comprehend the Titanic while standing six inches away from its hull. In Tales of Two Planets, writer and editor John Freeman tries to make the danger clear by offering readers a range of views — fiction, essays, even poetry, spanning locations from Florida to the Himalayas — while zeroing in on the way that global warming intersects with disparities. Writers in the collection, edited by Freeman, include Margaret Atwood and Edwidge Danticat.

Buy Now: Tales of Two Planets on Bookshop | Amazon

Begin Again: James Baldwin’s America and Its Urgent Lessons for Our Own, Eddie S. Glaude Jr. (August 4)

In Begin Again, Eddie S. Glaude Jr., chair of the Department of African American Studies at Princeton University, draws parallels between racial tensions in the U.S. today and in the years following the Civil Rights Movement, particularly the way those years were navigated by renowned essayist James Baldwin. Now, as then, communities of color experienced profound disillusionment about how just America was and claimed to be. But, Glaude writes, Baldwin still found ways to “reimagine hope” in the face of historic adversity.

Buy Now: Begin Again on Bookshop | Amazon

Love After Love, Ingrid Persaud (August 4)

Ingrid Persaud’s novel Love After Love, like her award-winning short story “The Sweet Sop,” is centered on her birthplace of Trinidad and told in the dialect of people who live there. Persaud’s colloquial style is part of what sets apart her depiction of those everyday, everywhere things like the relationship between a parent and a child. In Love After Love, she tells the story of a mother who escapes domestic violence and forms a makeshift family with a male friend and her son, only to have that more tranquil existence disrupted by unearthed secrets.

Buy Now: Love After Love on Bookshop | Amazon

A Saint from Texas, Edmund White (August 4)

Edmund White has explored humanity through many media — in travelogues and novels, through satire and self-interrogation. He published his first major work in 1973 and has written more than 30 books since, becoming a prominent figure in queer literature along the way. His latest novel, A Saint from Texas, follows twin sisters from oil-rich Texas, bound for different lives. One is pursuing indulgence in Paris (where White lived for years) and the other, salvation in South America. Despite the distance, and plenty of drama, White explores how the bond of twins is hard to break.

Buy Now: A Saint from Texas on Bookshop | Amazon

Belabored: A Vindication of the Rights of Pregnant Women, Lyz Lenz (August 11)

In Belabored, Iowa-based writer and editor Lyz Lenz delves into one of the great ironies surrounding pregnancy: as women do the work necessary to bring a child into the world, they are often infantilized themselves — by lawmakers who decide what medical care they are allowed to seek, by baristas who refuse to serve them. With wit and deadly seriousness, Lenz draws attention to the rising rate of maternal mortality in the U.S. and calls for an update to the way people view pregnancy in America.

Buy Now: Belabored on Bookshop | Amazon

This Is the Night Our House Will Catch Fire, Nick Flynn (August 25)

At seven years old, Nick Flynn’s life was upended after his mother set fire to their house. Nearly a decade and a half later, she took her own life. In his new memoir, the playwright and poet returns to his hometown with his young daughter to better understand his upbringing. As he digs up his painful past, Flynn realizes how he’s carried those memories with him and asks how they’ve impacted his roles as both partner and parent.

Buy Now: This Is the Night Our House Will Catch Fire on Bookshop | Amazon

The Presidents vs. the Press: The Endless Battle Between the White House and the Media—from the Founding Fathers to Fake News, Harold Holzer (August 25)

Harold Holzer is an expert on Abraham Lincoln and the Civil War era. He’s written and edited more than 30 books that go deep on that stretch of American history. But his latest work is in a different proportion, offering a broad survey of the relationships between presidents and the press that spans from George Washington to Donald Trump. Tensions between the White House and the media may be more public than ever today, but, as the scholar reveals, they go back as far as Commanders-in-Chief do.

Buy Now: The Presidents vs. the Press on Bookshop | Amazon

Vesper Flights, Helen Macdonald (August 25)

In 2015, naturalist Helen Macdonald’s debut memoir H is for Hawk cemented her status as an essential writer on nature, humanity and loss. Now, Macdonald dives into similar themes in Vesper Flights, which features essays both old and new. From reflecting on the childhood where her love for animals grew to her sharp observations on the migrations of songbirds, Macdonald fills her narratives with vivid descriptions of the wildlife that surrounds us. Vesper Flights reminds of the intricacies of nature’s creatures and underlines the importance they serve in our lives.

Buy Now: Vesper Flights on Bookshop | Amazon

Hoax: Donald Trump, Fox News, and the Dangerous Distortion of Truth, Brian Stelter (August 25)

Brian Stelter, chief media correspondent for CNN, conducted more than 250 interviews in his quest to shed new light on a relationship that is shaping the course of American history: that between President Donald Trump and Fox News. In Hoax, Stelter focuses on the interplay between the country’s leader and its most-watched cable news network during the COVID-19 pandemic, delving into the power of personality, the lure of lies and the impact on a susceptible nation.

Buy Now: Hoax on Amazon

via https://cutslicedanddiced.wordpress.com/2018/01/24/how-to-prevent-food-from-going-to-waste

[yahoo-shutdown-corner-blog]

2018 NFL Preview: The Cam Newton-Norv Turner marriage is crucial for Panthers

Yahoo Sports is previewing all 32 teams as we get ready for the NFL season, counting down the teams one per weekday in reverse order of our initial 2018 power rankings. No. 1 will be revealed on Aug. 1, the day before the Hall of Fame Game kicks off the preseason.

(Yahoo Sports graphics by Amber Matsumoto)

It wasn’t a move that got as much attention as a head coaching change, or a splashy free-agent signing, but the Carolina Panthers made a switch that is as important as any other in the NFL.

Suddenly, Norv Turner is in charge of Cam Newton’s prime.

Head coach Ron Rivera fired offensive coordinator Mike Shula, citing the desire to bring in some new ideas to an offense that had gone into a funk since a tremendous 2015 season. Immediately, Turner was rumored to be the preferred replacement, and it was no surprise when he was hired. Theoretically, Turner could be so good he gets another shot at a head-coaching job, or so bad he’s fired in a year or two. Realistically, the Panthers’ new offensive coordinator will be guiding Newton well into his 30s.

What would Newton’s legacy be right now, as he heads into his age-29 season? His college legacy is set for his amazing 2010 season at Auburn. His pro legacy isn’t as well established. His NFL story probably starts with his 2015 MVP, when he led the Panthers to the Super Bowl. He has undeniably had a good career, but a great one? As a passer he has only one 4,000-yard season (as a rookie), has exceeded 24 touchdowns only once and has thrown double-digit interceptions each season. His ability as a runner is a huge plus on his resume. Only Michael Vick (6,109) and Randall Cunningham (4,928) have more rushing yards among quarterbacks than Newton, who has 4,320 yards in 109 games. Vick played in 143 games and Cunningham 161. Newton already holds the NFL record for a quarterback with 54 rushing touchdowns.

There’s a lot to like, but it feels like there could be another level for Newton. Maybe that place could take Newton back to the Super Bowl, and perhaps to the Hall of Fame. It’s now on Turner to help unlock it.

[Yahoo Fantasy Football leagues are open: Sign up now for free]

Turner has been a good offensive coordinator for decades, though it is troubling how his time with the Minnesota Vikings ended. He quit midseason, saying he thought he was holding the offense back, though there also seemed to be differences with head coach Mike Zimmer. While Turner is mostly known for work with Troy Aikman and Philip Rivers – big, strong-armed quarterbacks who could throw it downfield, just like Newton – he also adjusted to have success with Teddy Bridgewater, who isn’t like Aikman, Rivers or Newton. Turner can adapt to fit his personnel’s strengths. Newton, however, seems to fit what he prefers. Newton has never been the type of quarterback who will work a defense underneath with precise short passes that generate a huge completion percentage. And Turner mostly hasn’t been that kind of coordinator.

As a passer, Newton should be comfortable throwing deep to Devin Funchess, first-round pick D.J. Moore and tight end Greg Olsen off play-action (Turner’s offenses have had six running backs lead the league in rushing, so a strong run game is always a foundation). Also, Turner understands what makes Newton special and won’t change that.

“He’s incredible as a runner. He’s just an amazing player at that position,” Turner said, according to the Panthers’ transcripts. “There’s two ways that he ends up carrying the ball, obviously: It’s designed runs, and then he’s made a lot of plays where he’s kept the ball in passing situations or when he drops back to throw it and the opportunity to run opens up. I think that’s a real threat to defenses. Defenses, they’re really bothered by that. He’s always got to have that as part of his game. He’s always got to have the threat to run. Depending on who we’re playing, how we’re playing and things that are going, I think it’s always going to be a part of what we do.”

The Panthers have done very well with Newton. He helped turn around a franchise that took him with the first overall pick. Carolina is 49-26-1 over the past five years when Newton starts. Had the Panthers finished a dream season in 2015 with a Super Bowl win, that would be Newton’s legacy. Ask Eli Manning or Joe Flacco how Super Bowls can carry a reputation. Instead, Newton is entering a key point in his career in which he’ll define how we remember him.

However Newton’s legacy ends up, it will be a big part of Turner’s football legacy too.

Panthers offensive coordinator Norv Turner talks with Cam Newton (1) and Devin Funchess (17). (AP)

Only one 2017 first-team All-Pro player changed teams this offseason: guard Andrew Norwell, who left the Panthers for Jacksonville. The Panthers also lost some familiar veterans: defensive tackle Star Lotulelei, safety Kurt Coleman, tight end Ed Dickson and running back Jonathan Stewart. While teams don’t want to get stuck hanging onto old veterans too long, that’s a lot of experience and production out the door. Among acquisitions, the largest contract by far went to defensive tackle Dontari Poe (three years, $28 million). The other additions were low-priced contributors: receiver Jarius Wright, cornerback Ross Cockrell, safety Da’Norris Searcy, running back C.J. Anderson. I like the first-round pick of receiver D.J. Moore, and third-round cornerbacks Donte Jackson and Rashaan Gaulden could contribute right away. Norwell was a big loss, and that knocks down the grade a bit.

GRADE: C+

The Panthers, as usual, have a lot of talent in the front seven. Tackle Dontari Poe replaces Star Lotulelei, and he should form a really good duo with Kawann Short. End Mario Addison has 20.5 sacks over the past two seasons. Once Thomas Davis returns from a four-game suspension, the Panthers have a tremendous trio of linebackers with Luke Kuechly, Shaq Thompson and Davis. There are plenty of questions in the secondary, but the front seven covers up a lot of issues.

The Panthers had one big stumbling block last season. Including playoffs, they went 11-3 against everyone not from New Orleans, and 0-3 against the Saints. The Saints won those games by a combined 36 points. Forecasting the Panthers for 2017, you have to consider they play in perhaps the toughest division in the NFL. They didn’t match up well against the Saints last season. The Falcons will be good again. The Panthers’ games against the Buccaneers come in Weeks 9 and 13, long after Jameis Winston’s suspension expires. The Panthers have a tough road, starting with trying to figure out the Saints.

Sage Rosenfels, a former NFL quarterback who played for Norv Turner, had some interesting comments to the Charlotte Observer about the relationship between Turner and Cam Newton.

“Cam has twice the talent of a Drew Brees – stronger arm, physically, just a lot of those skills. But it doesn’t feel like to me that he brings that same energy that his teammates can feed off,” Rosenfels told the Observer.

“It’s not necessarily X’s and O’s. But maybe Norv can help him bring that type of tenacity and energy to not only make Cam better and take less hits, but make his teammates around him better.”

It also sounds like Turner will be coaching Newton pretty hard.

“Norv’s demanding. He feels strongly about his offense. He feels strongly about the plays he has designed over the years, helped design, and the way he sees the game,” Rosenfels said, according to the Observer. “And he wants that offense to run smooth and be very precise, and that starts with the quarterback being very precise.

“He puts the most pressure on the quarterback more than any other position, without a doubt.”

When the offensive coordinator change was made, the conversation centered on two topics: Cam Newton, and how to get even more out of running back Christian McCaffrey.

McCaffrey, the eighth pick of last year’s draft, was solid as a rookie with 1,086 yards from scrimmage. He caught 80 passes. But the Panthers want more. Since McCaffrey isn’t a traditional between-the-tackles running back like fellow 2017 rookie Leonard Fournette – though McCaffrey has the ability to run inside – it’s important for the staff to get creative.

The good news is Norv Turner is already talking up McCaffrey, even making a comparison to Darren Sproles, who Turner coached early in Sproles’ career.

“He’s got such talent, you’re just going to keep finding ways to get him the ball and try to create more space for him,” Turner said in an interview with the team’s site. “That hard-nosed running between the tackles he can certainly do, but I don’t know that’s what you want to lead with him.

“Christian is ahead of [where Sproles was], and there are some things we can do that he did, but Christian can run wide receiver routes. So yeah, there’s a lot of things we did with Darren that apply, and there are some things that I think we can do differently with Christian.”

From Yahoo’s Liz Loza: “Christian McCaffery had a heck of a rookie campaign, as evidenced by his current draft stock. While I’m infatuated with the 22-year-old’s talent, I’m not interested in paying peak value for his services.

“The RB11 overall in half-point PPR formats in 2017, McCaffery was the most targeted RB in the league. He also hauled in the third most receptions at 80 catches on the season. How much better can he realistically do? An increase in totes is the only place for him to significantly up his production. Maybe he averages 10 carries per game – and stays healthy in the process – but that’s not a gamble that I’m willing to take in the first round. Not when perennial producers like Devonta Freeman and Jordan Howard are still on the board.”

[Booms/Busts: Fantasy outlook on the Panthers.]

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The Panthers had a tremendous record in close games last season. Carolina was 7-1 in contests decided by seven or fewer points, and won all four games decided by a field goal or less. No team had a better winning percentage in close games. Only Pittsburgh had more wins in games decided by seven points or less, with eight victories. As I often say in these previews, extremely good or bad records in close games don’t tend to repeat. If the Panthers went .500 in those games last season, we’re having a lot different conversation about them.

CAN LINEBACKER LUKE KUECHLY STAY HEALTHY?

Unfortunately, it’s a question we’ll ask about Kuechly the rest of his career. Kuechly, one of the league’s most dynamic players, has dealt with multiple concussions. Last year he suffered another one in a game against the Eagles, and missed one game. The Panthers’ defense looked entirely different in that loss to Philadelphia without Kuechly, and that’s no surprise. His value is tremendous. Over the past three seasons, Carolina is 26-11 when Kuechly is in the lineup and 5-5 in games he has missed with concussions (h/t to ESPN).

Hopefully Kuechly won’t have to deal with more concussion issues, but it will be a concern the rest of his career.

The Panthers have posted at least 11 wins three of the past five seasons. Cam Newton is a difference maker and if he takes to Norv Turner’s scheme, we know he can play at an MVP level. I’m not sure another 15-1 season is possible, but if the Panthers can get over the Saints hump, they could win the NFC South. And because of Newton, they could be a team that makes noise in the playoffs.

The 2013 and 2015 Panthers were dominant teams. The 2017 version was good, but a little lucky to reach 11-5. They’re not going 7-1 in close games again. That’s not to say the Panthers can’t be in playoff contention again, but some improvements will have to happen to fight regression in one-score games. Because Norv Turner has never coached a quarterback quite like Cam Newton, it’s not a sure thing the offense will click right away. The Panthers’ foundation is strong so I doubt they will collapse, but in a tough division they could see a significant step back.

I have the Panthers at a strong No. 13 on my countdown, and there are two NFC South teams ahead of them. This is a rough division. The Panthers could end up being a very good team and still finish third in their division, in a conference that has 8-10 playoff-level teams. There will be some very good teams in the NFC that don’t make the playoffs, and even though I like the Panthers, they’ll be in that group.

32. Cleveland Browns 31. Indianapolis Colts 30. New York Jets 29. Arizona Cardinals 28. Buffalo Bills 27. Cincinnati Bengals 26. Chicago Bears 25. New York Giants 24. Miami Dolphins 23. Washington Redskins 22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 21. Houston Texans 20. Seattle Seahawks 19. Oakland Raiders 18. Denver Broncos 17. San Francisco 49ers 16. Detroit Lions 15. Tennessee Titans 14. Baltimore Ravens

– – – – – – –

Frank Schwab is a writer for Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at shutdown.corner@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter! Follow @YahooSchwab

[josephstoontown]

And Never Brought to Mind

A Joseph's ToonTown story.

So… this started as a non-canon thing… but, somehow, it ended fitting right in with my current storyline, regardless.  I'm a bit baffled… but, kind of okay, with that. (Ship happens when you least suspect it, I guess...)

And with that… we have caught up to the current timeline (as of the time of me posting this)!

Word count: 6,638 – Character count: 41,010 Originally written: December 11th, 2016 Very-slightly revised: January 14th, 2017 Revised further: August 28th, 2017

After a New Year's party at Joe's Diner, an unlikely pair learn a bit about each other.

The House of Mouse and related characters and properties created by and © The Walt Disney Company Winnie Woodpecker, Woody Woodpecker, The Woody Woodpecker Show, and related characters and properties created by and © Walter Lantz Productions

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    2 AM in ToonTown… though, if it wasn’t for the darkness, you’d be hard-pressed to notice.  The town was still jumping with the sights and sounds of the New Year’s celebrations.  Fireworks were being launched into the air – and, occasionally, at a random passerby – the streets were filled with ‘toons and even a handful of humans looking for a fun, and even the more animated ‘toon buildings seemed to be having a good time.     The biggest place of interest that night seemed to be far north in the Disney District.  The House of Mouse was hosting its annual New Year’s event, complete with aforementioned fireworks, food, shows, and attractions galore with all of the proceeds going to charity, as usual, and it’s festivities were going well past midnight with no end in sight.  However, not everyone in ToonTown seemed to be drawn there.  Some, instead, preferred smaller venues at various places in town.  Three individuals, in particular, were just returning home from one such party…

    “How did I let you guys talk me into drinkin’ so much?” asked a redheaded woodpecker wearing a green Christmas sweater and plain, red skirt.  She was grinning across her beak with wavering eyelids, staring over at another redheaded woodpecker in a similar sweater and oversized Santa hat.     “‘cause, how could’ja say no t’ us?” was his slurred reply, a similar-looking grin showing on his own beak.  “Ain’t tha’ right, bood-row?”     He seemed to be talking to the figure walking between the two of them; a much taller figure who looked considerably less ‘toony.  The golden-furred fox in the green, hooded sweatshirt and black jeans looked down at the male woodpecker, giving an odd giggle.

    While it was pretty normal for ‘toons to be silly and make jokes, any “funny behavior” from the trio seemed practically involuntary, that night.  It was clear that they were all quite drunk, given their slight stagger and odd speech, but all they wanted to do was return home after a night of celebration together, laughing and recalling the events of the night as best they could.

    “Oh, ya should’a seen it, Winnie,” the male woodpecker said as he retrieved his keys from a pocket in his feathers.  “I’ve never seen a brighter shade’a red than what Joey turned when that lizardy lady kissed him!”     “Have ya tried lookin’ in the mirror?” the girl replied with a sloppy smirk.     “No?  Why?”     Winnie looked up at the fox and the two just grinned to each other, leaving Woody mystified as he unlocked his apartment door.

    “Make yerself at home, Winnie!” he said as he sauntered in.  “I gotta go use the can!”     “TMI, Woody!” she replied, sticking her tongue out.     “I didn’t even say what I was gonna do!”     “I don’t wanna know!”     “I wasn’t gonna say!”     “Just go, already!” Winnie finally said, shooing him away.     “I have ta get to the bathroom, first!” was his response.     It was hard to tell if he was being a smart aleck or just too drunk to think…  Either way, he stumbled his way into the bathroom.  A moment later, the sound of one very relieved woodpecker, as well as what sounded like Niagara Falls being unleashed, could be heard.

    “Guess he really did have t’ go…” the fox said, finally speaking up.     “I’m not cleanin’ that up!” Winnie commented with slight disgust.  She seemed to be looking at a slightly-moistened part of the rug situated right next to the bathroom door.     “S’a’right, Winnie,” the taller figure replied.  “We can worry ‘bout it, later…  ‘less th’ door pops open ‘r somethin’…”     The female made a face at that.  “Groooss…!”     “Anyway… your place is my place,” the fox said, getting his idioms reversed as he wandered into the kitchenette of the apartment.  “Can I get’cha some’n t’ drink?”     “Some iced tea’d be lovely, Joseph,” was Winnie’s reply as she walked into the living room and hopped onto the couch.     “I’m glad Woody invited you over,” she could hear him muse as he retrieved some drinks.  “Yer pretty cool.”     “You, too, fluffy,” she giggled, turning on the television across the room.  “What’cha wanna watch?  There’s still some Christmas movies playin’ on th’ movie channels ’n New Year’s celebrations ‘cross the world on th’ networks… ‘n, of course, cartoons on th’ cartoon channels.”     “Eh, doesn’t matter, t’ me.  I don’t think I’ll be awake that much longer, anyway…”     “I know what’cha mean…” Winnie said with a grin.  “That Spydor guy makes a mean drunk… er, drink.”     “That Spydor guy’s mean when he’s sober…” Joseph chuckled as he returned to the living area.  “He was downright crazy, drunk!”     The woodpecker giggled again as she accepted her can of iced tea from the fox.     “He was nice t’ me…” she mused.     “That’s ‘cause yer a girl,” was his response.  He chuckled a little, settling down next to her with a can of cola in his hand, paying attention as Winnie spoke, again.     “But, that deer lady was a lady ‘n he was mean t’ her!”     Joseph couldn’t help but keep chuckling.  “That’s ‘cause he works with her…”     “I’m nice t’ my co-workers…”  Winnie gave a hiccup.  “Aren’t you?”     “I work with Woody.  Who’s my boss, technically.”  He gave a smirk to the grinning woodpecker.  “You tell me.”     “Did someone call my name?!”     Both Winnie and Joseph looked over toward the bathroom just in time to see the door fly open, swinging and smashing against the adjacent wall.  Judging by the pose he’d taken, as well as the two-toed footprint on the door itself, Woody had kicked it.  Pretty hard, at that…

    “C’mon, was that really necess–”     “Paarrr-tay!!” the woodpecker interrupted before running over and frog-splashing himself on the two bodies seated at the couch.     “Gah!  Woody!” Joseph said with a gasp.  “What the heck?”     “Th’ night’s still young,” Woody enthusiastically said to the duo, “‘n I feel refreshed!  Let’s go out ‘n make th’ most of it!”

    Before either of them could respond, Woody did a backflip off their laps and landed on his feet at the far armrest.  Immediately after, he started pumping his fist and began an enthusiastic chant of, “Dusk-’til-dawn!  Dusk-’til-dawn!”     “Woody!” Joseph protested.  “We have work tomorrow ‘n–”     “Dusk-’til-dawn!  Dusk-’til-dawn!” he repeated as he headed toward the door.     “Maybe you should listen to him, Woody,” Winnie said as she stood up.  “I think–”     “Dusk-’til-dawn!  Dusk-’til–”     All of a sudden, the male woodpecker wobbled… then, he fell over backward!  Joseph got to his feet and joined Winnie as she knelt down beside the fallen ‘toon.     “What th’ Void happened?” he asked as she checked his vitals.     “I… I think he passed out!” she replied, sounding somewhat concerned.     “Passed out?  Well, he did drink a lot of ‘Spydor Cydors…’  No tellin’ what’s in ‘em..”     Winnie watched as the fox sighed before kneeling down farther, scooping the unconscious bird into his arms.     “What are ya doin’…?” Winnie quietly asked, tilting her head.     “Takin’ ‘im to th’ bedroom so ‘e can sleep off th’ alcohol.”     “Oh.”

    Winnie continued to watch as Joseph took Woody into the other room.  A moment later, he returned, quietly closing the door behind him.  Her curiosity piqued as then, instead of returning to the couch, he walked over to the bathroom.     “I’ll be back,” Joseph quietly commented before closing that door.  The woodpecker didn’t feel the need to ask what he was up to, at that point, instead deciding to return to her seat on the couch.

    “How’s your bladder doin’?” Joseph casually asked the female bird as he re-entered the area a few moments later.     “I’m fine,” she replied with a scowl, clearly not appreciating such a question.     “Guess you went b’fore we left,” the fox laughed, sitting back beside her.  “Ooh, what’s this on TV?”     There was a slight pause before Winnie, who was glaring at Joseph by then, answered.     “Disney’s runnin’ a New Year’s Day marathon of Goofy cartoons…” she said with some irritation.  “Ya know… that was a really intrusive question…”     “W-what?”  The fox’s ears perked and he gave a blink of his bloodshot, golden eyes, clearly confused.  “What was so intrusive about–”     “The other question…” she huffed.  “‘bout my bladder…”     “Oh…”  His ears fell back.  “Sorry…”     “S’okay…  Just… you could’ve asked it better.”     “How’s about… ‘Did you need to use the facilities, Winnie?’” he politely asked.  That caused the bird to softly smile, in return.     “No, but… thank you for asking.”     “A’right.”     The two settled back into the couch with their drinks, focusing on the television set, then.

    On the CRT picture tube was what looked to be a black, humanoid dog roughly Joseph’s height… or, maybe, a bit taller.  The dog, whose name Joseph assumed was “Goofy,” appeared to be wearing a suit of armor that was much too large for him.  He also seemed to be losing a fight against a cigar-smoking opponent wearing massive, black armor and wielding a mace.  Joseph also noticed that everyone in the cartoon appeared to be the same character… even the princess.     “Which one’s Goofy?” he asked.     “They all are,” Winnie replied with a smile.     “No, I mean… which one’s th’ character ‘Goofy?’”     “I don’t think any of ‘em are…  That one there’s named ‘Cedric,’ though.”     “So… this is a Goofy marathon without Goofy?”     “No, no…”  The woodpecker shook her head.  “This is a ‘Goofy’ cartoon… but, it’s part of a series where all the characters look like Goofy.”     The fox tilted his head.  “Why?”     Winnie paused for a moment, thinking about the question…     “Think it’s was durin’ his ‘Everyman’ years?  Somethin’ about societal satire…?  Um, there was a lotta cartoons with everyone bein’ Goofy.  L-look!  Here’s another one!”

    The two watched the next cartoon started up.  Rather than be set in a time of knights and jousting, though, it seemed to be set in modern day.  Apparently, Goofy – or rather, the central “Goofy” character – was having trouble sleeping after a hard day’s work.  A lot of trouble…  He seemed perfectly content to be the subject of various traditional and scientific methods of getting to sleep, ranging from sheep and milk… to more extreme methods involving convoluted machinery and uncomfortable-looking clothing.

    “Man… if that’s th’ real ‘Goofy,’” Joseph commented, “they didn’t pay ‘im enough for this ‘toon.  That’s some crazy stuff…!”     Winnie smiled up to her friend.  “I think Roger Rabbit said it best: ‘Nobody takes a wallop like Goofy!’”     “Yeah!  It’s almost like he was drawn t’ take abuse…”     “Aren’t all ‘toons?”     “Uh…”  The fox tilted his head at the question.  “Maybe…?”     “Well… okay, not all ‘toons…” Winnie mused.  “Some ‘r superheroes, after all!  Or… more realistic!  Like Scooby-Doo!”     “Scooby-who?” Joseph asked.     “Scooby-Doo!” she repeated with a giggle.  “He’s a goofy Great Dane who walks on all-fours – usually – and talks – kinda – like a person!”     “What’s a ‘Great Dane?’”     The woodpecker blinked her tired, blue eyes at that.     “Oh, yeah…  Yer not from ‘round here, are you?”     He shook his head.     “Well… it’s a big dog.  You could prob’ly ride ‘im like a horse!”     “Oh, a dog?  That, I know about.”

    “Okay, then!  Scooby-Doo is a big, brown dog that walks on all-fours, talks, ‘n solves mysteries.  He doesn’t get squashed by anvils ‘n stuff, though, like Goofy.”     “So… he’s somewhere between a Feral and a Hybrid?”     “Scooby isn’t feral!” Winnie exclaimed.  “He’s as tame as tame can be!”     “No, I mean…”  The fox gave a grunt.  “Never mind.  I’m usin’ Ragnarok words.”     The woodpecker raised both of her eyebrows at one word in particular.”     “‘Ragnarök?’  The final battle of Norse gods and the revival of the mortal world…?”     “N– no.  Ash damn it…”  He gave a frustrated huff.  “Ragnarok.  Planet Ragnarok.  Where I’m from.”     “O-oh…”  Winnie rubbed her face with gloved hands.  “S-sorry… I forgot.  Think th’ alcohol might be settin’ in…”     “Oh, it’s alright…” Joseph said as he ruffled the female’s feather-hair, causing her to giggle.  “Let’s just get back to this dog’s cartoons.”     “Sure!”

    The two continued to watch Goofy cartoons after their conversation, each sipping on their respective drinks and neither really paying the other any mind.  Somewhere around the sixth cartoon, however, Joseph noticed something…     “Winnie?”     The woodpecker squirmed against his side.  Her arms were crossed and her legs were daintily curled on the couch cushion.  Her head, however, was comfortably nestled against the fox’s side.  Winnie’s eyes were also closed, her face peaceful and relaxed as she rested.     Is she asleep…? Joseph thought…     “Winnie, hey,” he called a second time.     Again, she squirmed.  The second time, however, she slipped from his side and ended up half-flopping into his lap.  A moment later, her eyes slowly fluttered open.

    “Mm… hey,” was her first response.  “Did I fall asleep…?”     “Yep…” Joseph chuckled.     “Sorry…” she quietly giggled.  “You’re just so soft ‘n warm…”     “Didn’t say I minded…” he replied with a half-grin.  “Just… a little warning, next time you’re gonna use me as a pillow, huh?”     “‘kay…” she said in a soft, sweet voice.     Joseph watched as the bird sat up, stretching with a grunt.  She re-positioned herself against his side and snuggled in a second time, tucking her legs up flat against the cushions, again, and casually wrapping her arms around his body.  The fox tensed a little, at her behavior…     “Uh… what are you doing?” he asked again.     “Makin’ myself more comfortable?”  She looked up at the fox, her innocent, blue eyes looking into his.  “Is that okay, Joseph?”     “I…” was all the fox could say before he turned his head.  That made Winnie sit up and take on a look of slight worry.     “Did I do somethin’ wrong?” she nervously asked.     “I’m not drunk enough for this…”     Winnie’s eyes opened wide, from the statement.  “What…?”     Joseph looked back at the shorter figure, his ears folded and a frown on his face.  He seemed troubled…

    “Winnie, I…”  He hesitated again before continuing.  “You know I like you, right?”     She smiled.  “I like you, too, Joseph.”     “Right, but… like…”  He reached down, nudging a hand under her chin as he tilted his head down, looking into her eyes with a blush.  “I… like you…”     “O-oh?” the bird replied with a blush on her own face.  “And… you’re not drunk enough for what, exactly?”     The fox chuckled…  “I’m not drunk enough to let you take advantage of me,” he said, intending it as a joke.     “Take advantage of you…?” she replied, still innocently staring into his eyes.     “Yup…”     There was a slight pause between the two before Winnie spoke again.     “What do you mean, ‘take advantage of you?’”     “You know…” he said, still softly smiling with a blush.  “Hug you back…”     “Hugs ‘r nice…” Winnie said with a soft hiccup followed by a quiet giggle.     “And… cuddle you…”     “Soft, warm cuddles…” she continued to giggle, her eyelids lowering.     “And…”  Joseph paused…  “Kiss you…”     Winnie gave another pause of her own before repeating, “Kiss… me…?”     “If you insist.”

    Winnie’s eyes opened wide as she watched the fox lean inward.  However, the next thing she felt really surprised her…  The fox had indeed kissed her.  Except…     “What did…?” she quietly asked as she leaned back, placing a gloved hand to her cheek.     “I kissed you,” the fox said with a grin, his tail wagging.  “Just like you asked.”     Another awkward pause filled the room as the two stared at each other.

    “That wasn’t a kiss.”

    The fox’s eyebrows rose along with his ears.  He noticed that Winnie looked… annoyed with him!  But… not for the reason he’d been expecting.

    “I-I’m sorr–”     “That wasn’t a kiss!” the bird repeated, her face turning angry.  “That was a peck!  On th’ cheek!”     “I… uh…”     “If that’s how ya ‘kissed’ Shinko, it’s no wonder she got upset!”         Once again, the fox looked surprised.  And, that surprise… quickly turned to irritation.

    “Whoa.  Whoa.  Hang on a damn second,” he protested.  “Two things, lady.  First, that was way outta line!  ‘n, secondly… I uh…”     Joseph looked to one side, rubbing his arm.     “I… I don’t know how… to, uh… kiss you.”     It was Winnie’s turn to look surprised, again.  She tilted her head, her feathered hair slightly bouncing as she stared up at the fox.

    “You… don’t know how t’ kiss me?”     “I don’t know how to kiss…”  Joseph reached over, gently running a finger around the rim of her mouth.  “This.”     After another moment’s pause, the girl gave a giggle and ducked away from his hand.     “I’m a ‘toon, silly…” she said in a soft, understanding voice, a warm smile on her face and her eyes half-opened.  “Just kiss me like y’ would anyone else…”     The fox blushed at her words, giving a swallow…  “You’re really okay with this?”     “I just wanna see what it’s like…  I-if that’s okay,” she nervously giggled.     “I…  A-alright, sure…”

    Once again, Joseph nudged himself closer to the bird in the sweater and skirt.  Slowly, he leaned down toward her, his eyes looking into hers.  He could see that she was blushing… but, he had a feeling that he was blushing considerably harder…  There was another moment of hesitation… then, he closed his eyes, deciding to just go for it, before she changed her mind.     As the fox pressed his face up against the bird’s beak, he could feel it slowly conform to the front of his muzzle…  It even seemed to be making something of a seal, not unlike kissing another fox or similar species.  It was an odd… but, warm sensation.     Joseph’s ears perked as he heard the female emit a soft, pleasant noise…  Slowly, he opened his eyes… and, he found that Winnie’s eyes had closed.  He blinked a couple of times, feeling himself blush and become flustered.  It seemed like she was really enjoying the kiss…

    In an instant, he pulled away, catching his breath and trying to calm down.  He watched as the woodpecker leaned back on her legs, her hands resting in her lap, her own eyes slowly fluttering into a half-open state and a soft smile forming on her face.     “Yer breath stinks…” was the only thing she said before giggling.     For a moment, Joseph seemed too stunned to process the comment.  After a couple of moments, though…     “W… I… we’ve been drinking!” he rebutted.     “Here…” Winnie said as she reached into a skirt pocket.  The fox watched as she retrieved a small tube of some kind with a colorful cap.  “Open.”     He tilted his head at the odd request… but, after putting two-and-two together, he cautiously opened his mouth.  The bird leaned in a second later, popping the cap off the tube and spraying its contents into the open muzzle.  Immediately, the fox felt a cool tingle and tasted the soft flavor of mint.  He was just about to thank Winnie when he noticed her do it to herself, as well, before placing the container back in her pocket.

    “Now then…” she said with a grin.  “Where were we?”     “Uuuhh…”     “Oh, right.”     Joseph tensed as he watched Winnie close her eyes and pucker her beak, clearly expecting him to pick up where they’d left off.  However, he was having some second-thoughts about things…     Winnie is clearly very drunk right now, even after her nap… he thought as he stared at the waiting woodpecker.  She is clearly not using sound judgment tonight and… and, wow.  I’m even less drunk than I thought I was… if I’m thinking about this so hard.

    The fox cleared his throat, tugging on his hoodie’s collar.  That caused Winnie to open one eye and peek at him.     “Well…?” she spoke out the side of her beak.  “Wrrt ‘r yuu wait’n frr?”     “I… don’t…”     “You don’t wanna kiss me anymore?” she asked, looking upset.  “Why not?”     “I just…”  The fox looked to one side, rubbing his arm.  “I don’t think I should…”     “Why not?”     “Because you’re… you’re drunk.  And…”     “And?”     Joseph gave a blush.  “I… really liked it… actually…”     Winnie hummed, considering what the fox had just told her.     “What if I wasn’t drunk?” she asked a moment later.     “Then you probably wouldn’t want to kiss me!”     She gave a giggle and softly smiled.  “Maybe…”     “So, with that in mind…”  Joseph gave his arm another rub.  “I hope you won’t be too upset if I don’t take you up on your offer…”     “Mm…  I’m a little disappointed…” she admitted as she shifted toward him, “but, I understand.”     “Y… you do?”     “Mm-hmm…”     The fox tensely watched as Winnie stood and drew closer, his eyes never leaving that soft smile or those half-lit eyes…

    “You’re afraid you might do something we’ll both regret… right?”     “R-right…”     “And…” she continued as she reached up, gently placing one gloved hand on the fox’s cheek.  “You’re afraid of what might happen when I sober up, right?”     “A… a little…”  Truth be told, he was just as afraid of what Woody might do to him if he ever found out, though…     “And, that’s why you don’t wanna kiss me?” she asked, her other hand on the other side of his face as she half-straddled his midsection, standing in front of him.     “M… m-more… more or–”     “More?” she echoed, giving an innocent giggle.  “You want me to take the lead?”     Joseph went silent.  Between Winnie’s playful half-seduction and her pseudo-innocent words… not to mention the obvious intent of her actions… he was almost ready to stop fighting.  There didn’t seem to be any good way out of the situation… and, so…

    “Mmm…”

    Joseph pulled Winnie in close, pressing his muzzle to her beak and kissing her again, much to her delight.  She blushed a little as she felt his arms curl around her smaller body and bring her in close… and, she returned the favor, her arms sliding around his shoulders as she nuzzled into the kiss with a quiet murmur.  Being held by the taller, fluffy fox… feeling him kiss her…  It excited her.  She didn’t want to stop…  But, unfortunately, he had other plans.

    After another long period of kissing, Joseph once again pulled away, giving her a peck on the flat of her beak and purring.  He added a playful nuzzle up and down the side of her face, causing her to giggle and squirm as he held her close.     “Before I kiss you, again,” he softly whispered a moment later, “I need you to do something for me, Winnie…”     “Y-yes, Joseph?” she shyly asked.     “I need you to tell me… ‘why?’  Why, not even a few days after warning me not to flirt with you… are we holding each other, reveling in the afterglow of the kiss we just shared?”     There was a pause before Winnie asked…     “You’re… not as drunk as you keep saying.  Are you?”     Joseph blinked at the question.  Winnie’s speech wasn’t the slightest bit slurred and her words seemed more coherent.  In fact, if the fox hadn’t been aware of just how much she’d had to drink that night… she’d swear she wasn’t even remotely buzzed on alcohol…  The fact that her smile had broken into a powerful scowl just made things worse.  Luckily, she didn’t say like that, for long…

    “Alright…” Winnie sighed as she sat down in his lap on her knees and rested her head against his chest.  “You win…”     “I… win?” he repeated.     “I’m not doing this because of the alcohol,” the bird continued.  “Honestly, I have a really high tolerance, for alcohol.  I haven’t been drunk since we’d started watching cartoons…”     Joseph twitched as the gave him a sudden squeeze.     “The real reason I’m doing this is…”     Winnie shivered against his body.  A moment later, she looked up with anger in her eyes.     “I think that redheaded jerk is two-timing me with some girl I’ve never even met!”

    The fox gave a blink, his ears tail and fur bristling.  Looking down at Winnie, he noticed she looked furious… but, not with him.  Behind that fury, however, though, he noticed something else… something he understood all too well.     “You’re jealous, aren’t you?”     Winnie flinched at the question, acting like she’d been slapped in the face.     “H-how dare you!  Jealous…?  Me…?!  I… n-no!” she said, looking away.  “I’m not jealous!  Angry, sure!  Upset, definitely!  But, jealous?!”

    The woodpecker hopped out of the fox’s lap, adjusting her sweater and skirt as she grimaced, visibly fuming.  It seemed like she’d really been insulted… but, at the same time…     “Sorry, hun… but, I’m not buyin’ it.”     Winnie twitched at the pet name and narrowed her eyes.     “There’s nothing to ‘buy!’” she angrily countered, crossing her arms.  “I’m not jealous of any no-class hoochie that has my sweetie’s attention!”     “As well you shouldn’t be,” Joseph chuckled, raising one leg over the other and leaning back on the couch.  “But, it’s not the person you’re jealous of.”     He gave a grin.     “It’s the idea that there’s someone else who’s worthy of your boyfriend’s attention.”     That… just made Winnie all the angrier.

    “Don’t you dare sit there and try to analyze me!” she shouted, stomping her foot and throwing her hands down in a controlled tizzy.  “You don’t know how I feel!”     “On the contrary,” Joseph calmly replied.  “I know exactly how you feel.”     “Oh, really?”  Once again, Winnie crossed her arms.  “If you know how I feel then what would you do in my situation?”     “Well, first of all,” Joseph said, gesturing with one hand, “I’ve never been in your situation…”     “Exactly!”     “I’m polyamorous.”     The woodpecker’s blue eyes blinked at that statement, her anger dispersing and her face showing genuine surprise.     “You… you’re polyamorous?”     “More-or-less, yes.”     Winnie gave him a suspicious look, as if not believing him…     “Are… you sure you’re not just dissatisfied with your current partner or something?”     The fox gave a smirk.  “Now who’s analyzing who?”     “I’m being serious!” she protested.  “It seems like a lot of people who say they’re in love with more than one person really aren’t… but, just can’t decide who they actually love… or, are otherwise unhappy with their current significant other.”     “See, now, this is part of why I like you, Winnie.  You’re really sharp.  No pun intended.”     She gave another blink, watching the fox chuckle.  He continued speaking, a moment later.

    “But, no.  I’m being sincere.  Back home on Ragnarok, I thought I was in love with my ex, Kris.  We were together for so long… and, she did everything to make sure I was happy.  I still feel terrible about how I treated her… how I let her convince me to have an open relationship just because she thought I was getting bored with her…”     Joseph looked down, giving a sigh…     “I eventually apologized to her and I thought things were back on track.  But… things have a funny way of happening.  She broke up with me about two years before I was pulled into this place.  I was devastated…  I even tried to beat up the person I thought had taken her away from me… only to realize that maybe it wasn’t him… and, it wasn’t me…  Maybe… it was her.”     Winnie didn’t know what to say, at that point…  And so, she just kept him keep going.  It was clearly something that had been on his mind for a while…

    “Carlos – the guy I tried to beat up – and I had never been friends, before then.  But, I guess listening to me sob like an angry baby about how much I loved Kris changed his mind about me…  We became kinda-good friends and started hanging out.”     Joseph looked at Winnie and chuckled.     “I still didn’t understand why Kris liked a musclehead like him, so much…  But, eh, he was kind of cool to hang out with… even if all he wanted to do was work out.

    “Anyway… by the time Kris came back from teaching magic in another country or whatever it was she did with Professor Marcus – her former magic mentor and friend – I realized that, sometimes… some things just aren’t meant to be.  I also realize that, sometimes, ‘love’ ain’t so black-and-white…  Not to brag, but… for some reason, I seem to be kind of popular back home.  And, well…”     The fox blushed a little, rubbing the back of his head.     “I have a lot of love to give.  And, that’s not a metaphor.  Or, uh… maybe it is?”     Once again, Winnie gave him a suspicious look.

    “Anyway,” he said with a half-cough, “before I was pulled here, I was kind of… half-dating this awesome girl – Hope.  But, at the same time, I was still kind of… giving another girl – Miri, or Miranda – all the love she deserved – again, not a metaphor.  I genuinely enjoyed seeing her eyes flicker and her warm, smiling face every time we did stuff together.”     As he noticed the increasing suspicion on Winnie’s face, the fox quickly clarified…     “M-movies, video games, dates, whatever!  We were practically a couple… but, at the same time… kind of not?”     “What about the first girl?” Winnie asked, genuinely curious.     “Hope?”  Joseph looked down…  Slowly, he placed his hand on his chest and gave himself a tap, taking a long moment to think before answering.     “If there’s such a thing as ‘the one for you,’ Winnie…” he shyly stated, pausing again.  “Sh… she would have been it.”     “‘Would have been?’” Winnie echoed.     “If you hadn’t noticed…” Joseph said as he looked up with a smile, “she’s not here, with me.  And, I’m here.”     “And… you’re just giving up?  Like that?”  She scowled, again.  “That’s horrible!”     “Listen, lady,” Joseph snapped back.  “Sometimes, things happen.  As far as I’m aware… sh… she… she’s… and Kris… and everyone…”

    Winnie gave another blink as Joseph started to lose his composure.  A closer look revealed something even more upsetting, though…  The grim expression on the fox’s face told her all she needed to know.  But for some reason… she had to ask.     “Are… are they all… gone?” she meekly asked.     “Sharp as a thistle, Winnie…” Joseph whispered, still looking down as tears found their way down his fluffy cheeks.  “Sharp as a thistle…”     There was an awkward pause as Winnie processed this information.  She was about to ask a follow-up question when Joseph added to his previous thought.

    “Truth be told… I don’t know that they’re gone.  I just…  There was this guy who sent me a letter and since I haven’t heard from him in almost a year, I just kind of assumed I was stuck here… which is why I put so much work into making a life here.  But, bearing that in mind…”     Joseph paused again.     “It was better to just forget the past… forget Ragnarok.”

    “I… I had no idea…” Winnie meekly said with a frown, nervously wringing her hands together.  “I… I’m not sure I can even begin to imagine what you’re going through…”     “Life on Ragnarok was pretty great,” he said with a sigh.  “But, life here ain’t so bad.”     Winnie tilted her head at that statement.     “I’m okay with how things are, here.  Sure, they’re not ideal… but, even on Ragnarok, I had my problems.  Except… I also had more money, too…” he added with a chuckle.  “In any case, Winnie… yes, I believe in polyamory.  And, I do feel strongly toward more than one particular person.  I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel something toward you, too…  You’re very sweet, kind, and caring.”     Once again, Winnie looked away with a blush.  Rather than try and distract him, however… she just quietly accepted his kind words with a smile.     “If Woody really is two-timing on you –”     The woodpecker jolted.  She’d forgotten she told him that!     “– then, he’s making a pretty big mistake.”     “Well, about that…  I…” she skittishly started.     “It’s okay, Winnie.”     Once again, she jolted in surprise.  “I… it is?”     “I understand why you did what you did.  Although… some confirmation would be nice.  There could be a few different reasons, stemming from jealousy.”     “I asked you not to analyze me…” she said with a huff.  “But… okay.  What would you like to know, specifically?”     The fox gave a comforting smile to the shorter female.  “Why, specifically, did you think it was a good idea to try and take advantage of me in a drunken state?  And, please… be honest.”

    “Alright,” she immediately started, speaking quickly.  “So, you know how you said you liked me, back on Christmas Eve, right?  Well, I figured that, maybe, under the right circumstances, I could use that to my advantage.  I don’t really want to hurt Woody… but, at the same time, I also don’t like feeling like his leftovers so I figured that, maybe, if I played the ‘I was/we were drunk’ card, maybe I could get some affection out of you… and, I did!  But then, when you started showing signs of sobering-up, I just kind of pushed harder and, when that didn’t work, I just… kind… of… why– why are you staring– oh…  I’m babbling, aren’t I…?”     “And, it’s still really cute,” Joseph said with a grin and a nod.     “It is not!” the woodpecker huffed, stomping her foot again.  “It’s a real problem that I have!  When I get really nervous about something, I have this habit of just talking until I run out of breath or get distracted and– oh darn it…  S-see?!  I’m more cognizant of it now but I’m still doing it!”     “And, I still think it’s cute!”     She gave a pout and huffed again.  “You… you suck, Joseph!”     “Only on water and people I really like, sweetheart.”     “S… sweetheart…??”

    Joseph gave a blink, his ears perking.  They were just starting to lower… when he noticed Winnie doing something odd.  She’d looked away and brought one hand to her cheek, the other fidgeting with the fabric of her skirt.  She was also kind of swaying… and blushing.

    “L-listen… um…” she shyly stammered.  “Maybe it’s the alcohol… but…”     She took a deep breath before straightening up, looking directly at Joseph.     “Would it… I mean… would you like to… I dunno…  Can we… maybe…”     “Use your words, Winifred.”     Winnie gave a twitch at that.  “Wh-what did you call me…?”     “‘Winifred?’” he repeated.  “That’s your long name, isn’t it?”     “N-not really…” she admitted.  “Legally, it’s just ‘Winnie.’  I mean, you can call me that, if you’d like, but…”     She scowled, scrunching her face and looking like she’d just spotted something nasty.     “‘Winifred’ makes me feel like an old maid…  I’m not though!  I’m only 62 years old!”     Joseph’s eyes went wide.  “You’re… what?”     “Now, if you want to talk about old maids… look at Minnie Mouse!  She’s much older than I am!  I think she’s around 88 years old!”     It took a moment for Winnie to notice… he was still staring at her in disbelief.

    “I-in any case,” Winnie started again, deciding to move on, “I was wondering if we could possibly… c-cuddle?  I like soft, w-warm cuddles…”     The fox took a moment to shake off the shock of her earlier revelation.     “Uhm…  Are… you sure?  I mean–”     “I’m sure,” she interrupted.  “And, it doesn’t have to go beyond that, if you don’t want it to.  I was just…”     She once again turned shy, squirming and fidgeting.     “I was really enjoying the attention… if I’m being completely honest…”     “W-well… so was I, even if I was feeling a little guilty about it…  You are just as soft and warm as I thought you’d be…”     “So…?” she hopefully smiled.     He gave his arm a rub.  “So… I guess if you’re okay with it…”     “I am.”     “You’re sure?”     Winnie gave a nod.  “I’m sure.”     “Well, then…”         The fox got to his feet and took a step toward Winnie.  He extended one hand down to her… which she gladly accepted, letting him escort her back to the couch.  She watched as he sat back down, then she gave a girlish giggle as he brought her up into his lap.  When he brought his arms around her middle, she turned slightly and curled her arms around him, once again resting her head on his chest.     “You’re pretty soft and warm, too…” she idly commented.     “Why, thank you…” he replied, giving her a friendly nuzzle.  “I like your hair, by the way.  It suits you.  It’s very cute and very soft.”     The woodpecker giggled again, giving his arms a squeeze.     “Sometimes, a girl just wants to look nice…”     He gave her a gentle squeeze.  “And you do, Winnie.”     “Oh, you…”

    Time seemed to fly by as the two cuddled together on that couch, watching Goofy cartoons.  In fact, time seemed to move so fast, the sudden burst of sunlight pouring in through the apartment window startled them both.

    “Did… did we both fall asleep?” Joseph asked.     A brief glance at the clock on the wall said it all.     “9:14 AM…” Winnie quietly confirmed.  “We fell asleep for a good six-or-seven hours…”     “While cuddling…” Joseph added with a blush.     “And, watching Goofy cartoons…” she responded with a blush of her own.     “Well, that’s… that’s just goofy, now isn’t it?”     The girl gave a giggle.  “You’re goofy.”     The fox chuckled.  “And, you’re adorable.”     She blushed and squirmed again… but then, she suddenly stood.  The fox gave a blink, followed by another blush, as he felt the bird give him a quick peck on the lips, followed by a warm hug around the neck.     “I like you, Joseph,” she whispered after a moment.  “Even if you are a flirt and a bit of a horndog… you’re really sweet… and, true-blue.”     “But, Winnie,” he rebutted, “I’m olive-gold.  You’re the one who’s blue!”     She softly chuckled, rubbing her cheek against his.  “You know what I mean, you silly…”     “Yeah.  I know…” he whispered, warmly hugging and returning the gesture.

    Several moments passed before Winnie spoke up again.     “I should probably head out,” she said, sounding somewhat melancholy.  “I have work today, too!”     “Mm…  I should ask what you, do one of these days.”     “Assistant Nurse at Warner General,” she responded.     “Huh…  My not-girlfriend, Hope, was a nurse.”     “Your ‘not-girlfriend?’” Winnie asked.     “Remember?  Her and Miranda.  Polyamory and whatnot.”     Winnie gave another giggle.  “Oh, I see…”

    Several more moments passed as the two continued to embrace.  Despite the fact Winnie had said she needed to go… she didn’t seem all that anxious to actually do so.     “You… don’t want to stop hugging, either, do you?” Joseph quietly asked.     “Not really…” she sighed.  “You give really good hugs.”     “Mmm…  As much as I don’t want to, either, I’m pretty sure if we’re still hugging like this when Woody wakes up, it would be kind of awkward to explain.”     For some reason, Joseph’s words made her hug him tighter.  Not knowing what else to do… he held her just as tightly.     “It’ll be alright, Winnie,” he reassured her.  “It’s probably just some sort of misunderstanding…”     She remained silent on the topic.

    “Maybe I can get some information from him…  Check his cell phone, see if he has a ‘little black book,’ that sort of thing.”     The woodpecker leaned back.     “Oh, would you?  Please?” she asked, hope in her eyes.  “I’d really appreciate that!”     He gave a reassuring smile.  “Anything for a friend.”     Apparently, that’s exactly what she’d wanted to hear.  She emitted an excited noise and immediately threw herself back into his embrace, hugging even more tightly than before!  The fox chuckled and hugged her right back, his tail wagging and ears flicking.     “Man, you’re adorable, Winnie…”

    Eventually, the woodpecker pried herself from the cuddly fox and hopped on to the floor.  She slowly retrieved her purse from the coat rack – which she’d left behind before they went to the party – and turned back to Joseph.  He was standing nearby, softly smiling and wagging his tail.  He wasn’t exactly thrilled his new cuddle-buddy was leaving, just then… but, he was very happy to see the radiant smile on her cute little beak that morning.     “You’re a mystery, mister,” Winnie said with a grin, “but, I like you.”     “You, too!”     “But, oh… hang on a minute.  There’s some lipstick on your cheek…”     The fox gave a blink.  “Th-there is…?”     “We can’t have that…  Come here.”     Joseph leaned down, happy that Winnie was taking such precautions.  That is…     “Hnnhnph–!!”     Until she grabbed him by the collar of his hoodie and smooched him!

    Winnie let go a moment later, giving an excited giggle.     “Fooled you!” she said with a wink.  “I wasn’t wearing lipstick last night!”     “Dang it, Winnie,” Joseph laughed.  “Get outta here before we get in trouble, you goof.”     “Alright, alright…  And, Joseph?”     She brightly smiled again.     “Thanks.”     He smiled just as brightly, his tail wagging, all over again.     With their situation sorted, Winnie finally took her leave of the apartment… and, just in time, too.  The bedroom door opened not long after Joseph had closed the front one.

    “Uuhn…” he groaned.  “What time is it…?”     “9:19 AM,” was Joseph’s response.  “G’morning, sleepyhead.”     The woodpecker narrowed his tired eyes at his roommate.     “What’s… got you so bubbly, this morning, Bucko?”     “I haven’t been to bed, yet,” he quickly lied.  “Been watching Goofy cartoons all night.”     “Oh…”  Woody rubbed his face.  “You’re gonna have a helluva day at work, then…”     “Probably…”  He gave a yawn, followed by a grin.  “I’ll do my best, though!”     “Ugh…  It’s too early for that kinda attitude, Sunshine…  I need coffee.”

    Three hours later, the duo left for work, ready for the day.  Woody continued to wonder about Joseph’s upbeat attitude as he worked his half-shift… but, he didn’t ask.  Not that the fox would have told him, anyway…  What Woody didn’t know… wouldn’t bite him in the butt.

[junker-town]

If college teams were made up only of current NFL alumni, who’d win the national title?

Alabama? FSU? Georgia? LSU? Ohio State? USC?

What if all of the NFL players went back to their colleges? Which school would win the national championship?

It’s a fun question recently posed by a Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ linebacker who played for LSU.

If we put all the NFL players back on they college teams who y'all think would win the national championship ? LSU!!!!!!!!!

— Kwon Alexander (@kwon) September 21, 2017

So let’s discuss this.

For purposes of this argument, let’s assume that only the NFL players are playing, and not combining with college players (though I’m willing to hear an argument about the latter).

Here are the 12 teams with the greatest ability to fill out a team of current NFL players. All roster data is from ESPN’s tracker. I have organized it by the 12 teams, here.

Alabama Crimson Tide

Strength: The Tide has a great duo of receivers in Julio Jones and Amari Cooper, plus quality depth at most spots. The linebacking corps is imposing, with Dont’a Hightower, Reuben Foster, C.J. Mosley, Mark Barron, and others.

Weakness: Quarterback. AJ McCarron was nothing to write home about in college and is a backup in the NFL. And despite many a great college defense, Alabama does not have many good corners in the league.

Auburn Tigers

Strength: Cam Newton.

Weakness: Depth. Only two offensive linemen in the league and a lack of defensive stars.

Clemson Tigers

Strength: Receiver. Martavis Bryant, Jaron Brown, DeAndre Hopkins, Adam Humphries, Sammy Watkins, and Mike Williams would be the best set of receivers in this league.

Weakness: Clemson has only two offensive linemen in the NFL, and its cornerbacks aren’t anything special. QB Deshaun Watson is promising, but a rookie.

Florida State Seminoles

Strength: Florida State has the best defensive backs in the league, with Xavier Rhodes, Jalen Ramsey, Lamarcus Joyner, Ronald Darby, P.J. Williams and others. FSU also has a great running back group with Dalvin Cook, Devonta Freeman, and Chris Thompson. Florida State also has Jameis Winston and is one of few teams that actually has enough position players to fill out all positions.

Weakness: Florida State only has two receivers in the NFL and has only had two drafted in the last 10 drafts.

Georgia Bulldogs

Strength: Georgia’s pass rush is incredible, with Geno Atkins, Justin Houston, and Leonard Floyd. Matthew Stafford throwing to A.J. Green and handing the ball to Todd Gurley is really nice, too.

Weakness: Cornerback. Surprisingly, the Bulldogs have only one in the league: Brandon Boykin. It’s much easier to shift a corner to safety than the reverse. And the Georgia offensive linemen in the league aren’t that great.

LSU Tigers

Strength: LSU would have an excellent secondary (Patrick Peterson, Eric Reid, Tyrann Mathieu), offensive line (Andrew Whitworth, La’El Collins), and receiving corps (Odell Beckham, Jarvis Landry, Brandon LaFell).

Weakness: LSU’s best QB option is Zach Mettenberger.

Miami Hurricanes

Strength: Tight end and receiver. Miami has six tight ends on NFL rosters, including Jimmy Graham, Greg Olsen, Clive Walford, Travis Benjamin, and Allen Hurns. Miami also has some top defensive linemen like Olivier Vernon and Calais Campbell.

Weakness: The Hurricanes do not have enough offensive linemen to field a starting unit, their best QB option is Brad Kaaya, and they have few quality options at linebacker or in the secondary.

Michigan Wolverines

Strength: Tom Brady.

Weakness: Michigan does not have any running backs in the NFL and has only one cornerback, rookie Jourdan Lewis.

Ohio State Buckeyes

Strength: Ohio State would have a nasty running and play-action game with Ezekiel Elliott, Carlos Hyde, Michael Thomas, and Ted Ginn. Defensively, Joey Bosa, Eli Apple, Vonn Bell, and Ryan Shazier are standouts.

Weakness: Quarterback. Cardale Jones wasn’t all that good in college outside of the last two games of 2014 and is not considered a potential starter in the NFL. Ohio State also would have trouble stopping the run, due to a lack of defensive tackles.

Oklahoma Sooners

Strength: Sam Bradford throwing behind an offensive line featuring Trent Williams and Lane Johnson and handing it to Joe Mixon, DeMarco Murray, and Adrian Peterson.

Weakness: Oklahoma has just two defensive backs in the league.

Texas A&M Aggies

Strength: Texas A&M has some serious star power with Mike Evans, Michael Bennett, Von Miller, Jake Matthews, and other quality starters.

Weakness: The Aggies have no defensive tackles in the NFL, though Bennett can certainly play there, and their secondary is not that talented.

USC Trojans

Strength: Carson Palmer behind an offensive line that includes Tyron Smith and the Kalil brothers. Defensively, USC has a number of talents like Leonard Williams, Jurrell Casey, Clay Matthews, and Adoree’ Jackson.

Weakness: Surprisingly, the Trojans do not currently have many impact players at running back or receiver.

Narrowing it down to a Playoff field

Let’s try to whittle down these 12 teams to just four.

Not having a QB good enough to start in the league is probably a fatal error.

Given that almost all of the national powers have a lot of talent in the NFL, the most important position becomes even more important. For that reason, Florida is not even listed above. The Gators do not have a quarterback on an NFL roster. Let’s also say goodbye to Ohio State and Miami.

Some teams cannot fill out a starting lineup.

Clemson and Auburn only have two offensive linemen in the league, so they are out. Oklahoma only has two defensive backs, so let’s also say goodbye to the Sooners. Ditto Texas A&M with its lack of bulk on the interior.

And then there were six: Alabama, Florida State, Georgia, LSU, Michigan, and USC.

Despite having Tom Brady, Michigan is out because of the lack of talent and depth it could put around him. But getting from five to four is tough.

Georgia and Florida State seem obvious because of the quality of talent and quarterbacks. Then I’ll take USC, because of quarterback, and LSU over Alabama, because the Tigers’ recent alumni simply have turned out better in the league.

The bracket

You could swap the one and two seeds or the three and four seeds, but I’m not sure it matters all that much.

No. 1 Georgia vs. No. 4 LSU

Both teams have some awesome superstars. But Georgia having a legitimate starting NFL QB in Stafford takes it. QB issues haunt LSU once again.

No. 2 Florida State vs. No. 3 USC

Both teams have legitimate NFL QBs, so the battle comes down to the other positions. Florida State gives plenty of touches to star running backs, and the best collection of NFL secondary talent shuts down USC’s receiving corps.

Your turn: Georgia vs. Florida State

This is a fascinating matchup. Florida State’s cornerbacks against Georgia’s receivers? Georgia’s formidable front seven against FSU’s trio of runners?

It’s too close for me to pick it, so I’ll let you make the call. Let me know in the comment section.