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#trying not to sob on the train
mechazushi · 2 months
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Kafka Hibino
Kafka Hibino.... with visible salt and pepper side burns.
Kafka Hibino.... wearing glasses and has salt and pepper side burns.
Kafka HIbino.... in that black turtleneck and a dark brown leather jacket and also wearing glasses and has salt and pepper side burns.
Kafka Hibino.... wearing that outfit and is an Animal Biology Professor in an College Au.
Kafka Hibino..... asking out Hoshina who is an Advanced Mathematics Professor working at the same college, to have an after-work drink with him.
Slightly DRUNK Kafka Hibino... becoming very forward with an also slightly drunk Hoshina
Slightly Drunk Hoshina... immediately matching Kafka's freak tenfold and Kafka is very much fine with this.
#My Brain: Ohhh! What if we also make it a Yakuza AU and Kafka has tattoos and is an-#Me: *Slaps my brain and watches it jiggle like a domed jello cake* NO! No no no no no NO!!!#Me: *To my brain* YOU HAVE SIX FANFICS TO FINISH!#THREE Kn8 FICS : TWO OF WHICH ARE NOW MULTI-CHAPTERED!#TWO RONTOTO FICS: ONE OF WHICH YOU HAVE STARTED!#AND A MDUD FIC THAT YOU STARTED AND HAVE HAD THE ENDING PLANNED OUT FOR OVER TWO MONTHS NOW#THAT YOU HAVEN'T WRITTEN IT BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BE PATIENT ENOUGH TO FIGURE OUT THE MIDDLE!#My Brain: *sobs* Bu-But *Sniffs* I wanna write about Isao being a Yakuza Director General...#Me: . . .#Me: *Puts Brain in an industrial juicer in an attempt to make it behave*#with that out of the way#Professor Kafka (Trying) to act like a sorta beast-like dom Seme archetype toward Hoshina ( it kinda works)#Only for Hoshina to Unleash The Crazy#And Kafka just switches gears and (happily) accepts his new position as the bottom.#If I make it through the ones above#I MIGHT; MIGHT! make a short story about Ex-yakuza Professor Kafka and his budding relationship with fellow professor Hoshina#really just the idea of Suped Up Kafka and some of his Kaiju feats-#being translated to a more normal version of Kafka and just chalking up some insane shit to Yakuza training and adrenaline#like he' still goofy and shit- just recontextualized into a crouching dumbass/ hidden BADASS.#is what's fueling the desire to keep this in my backlogs for a later date#LEGIT: I ALREADY have a scene (In my head) where he flips a VAN onto its side#But then BRUSHES OFF A HEAD WOUND THREE MINUTES LATER#AND LATER GETS STABBED AND IS MORE OR LESS FINE#TWO WHOLE SCENES WHERE HES SURROUNDED BY- LIKE- TEN GUYS! KNOCKS ALL ASSES FLAT!!!!#WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??!?!?!?!?!!?#kaiju no. 8#kafka hibino#soshiro hoshina#kafhoshi#kn8
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electricfied-wolf · 7 months
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Once again I am the ONLY "I Do" defender. SOMEONE back me up here.
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lesbianaglaya · 2 months
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see the thing is anything bad that's ever happened to me has also been extremely funny. clown box of a life.
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invinciblerodent · 29 days
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so i poked around a little bit among the popular DA2 mods, for reasons I don't quite know myself, and um
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how do we, uh. feel. about this.
because i think. i think we are feeling bad.
like i'm not a Fenris girlie, and i won't even mention the parts of this mod that make him human for some reason ("half-elf") or whatever, but this....
well this. is a thing for sure
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baeshijima · 29 days
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its the way like,,, half of sundays section in the pinterest board is just outfit inspo for him as a duke bc there is like no art of him as one and i am going insane with all the possibilities he could have
like
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THE CUFFLINKS AND CRAVATS AND FORM FITTING CLOTHES AND THE OFF-SHOULDER CAPES AND THE GLOVES AND THE JEWELLERY AND THE FRILLS AND THE EMBROIDERY AND THE AMULET WITH HIS FAMILY CREST AND THE FAMILY COLOURS HE MATCHES WITH ROBIN (and u as well bc ur part of the family now) AND—
IS THE VISION BEING SEEN
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whirling-fangs · 5 months
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[[so uh.... i've made an interesting purchase at a con today ....]]
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kisasan · 4 months
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spacemancharisma · 5 months
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#I don't know how to do this#I don't know how to fucking do this#I had a fucking Hours long crying breakdown after my parents left today#bc i'll never be fucking good enough for them#but if I say anything then we're acknowledging it and maybe it's better to not acknowledge it#maybe we just go back to ignoring the distance#if I say anything then I’m the bad guy again#I don't want to have to do this I don't want to have to keep being the one who steps forward first#I just want to stop trying and let it be what it is and let it hurt in a dull distant way#i've started crying again just from thinking about it#and I don't cry. I haven't cried more than like a light sniffle in three years until today#(bc of antidepressants)#I don't know what to do#I don't want to make it worse I don't want to hurt her feelings I don't want to be the one that starts shit#and I knoowwww I’m gaslighting myself bc she trained me to do this and I Cannot ignore the. two hour bathtub sob#but god what if I *am* the problem what if I *am* instigating and actually we had a good day#what if I’m expecting too much from her and this is better so maybe this is as good as it gets#do I bear it? do I bear it because she can't?#I know it's not fair and I know i'm hurting but maybe that's better than her hurting#do I just carry it for both of us?#I’m not a kid anymore I don't have that excuse#maybe this is womanhood. carrying it so your mother doesn't have to#she's carrying it for my grandmother. maybe this is just it.#I don't know. I don't know what to do.#I’m so fucking tired and it hurts#whatever.#vent#sad kids with bad moms club
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elegyofthemoon · 6 months
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well. i finished ch 17 of hi3. but at what cost
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#avil plays hi3#tbf majority of me playing through hi3 just looks like This.#yes the acheron trailer made me get up and finish ch 17#i. :(#the fight between kiana and mei was so painful :(#ok also i suck ass in the combat and i was so scared of having to restart#BUT I THINK I HURT MORE THE FACT THAT KIANA JUST REFUSED TO GIVE UP ON MEI#BUT MEIS ALSO DOING THIS BECAUSE SHES TRYING TO SAVE KIANA#AND THEY WERE BOTH FIGHTING TO STOP AND TRY TO SAVE EACH OTHER#MEI YOU SAVED KIANA BUT LIKE..... DONT YOU WANT TO LIVE ALONGSIDE HER.... MEI PLEASE#tbh. the way i was going through ch 17 for hi3.#kiana and mei remind me a lot of oz and gil's relationship back in pandora hearts but#now it makes me want to hit my head on a brick wall because#'wow. i really just gravitate tO THE SAME FUCKING MEDIA EVERY DAMN TIME AVIL STOP IT FFS'#also idk i was thinking about it too#mei tried earlier to use the herrschers powers to try and protect kiana but it wasnt enough. she failed that time#and with no other option to save her she just HAD to and it makes me HURT that this was her only option#IN HER HEAD. I BELIEVE IN YOU MEI I THINK THERE COULDVE BEEN ANOTHER OPTION HERE (IDK WHAT BUT I AM SOBBING)#sprawls on the ground#at least i can have an emotional break for a little bit.... hsr update so i can chill w that#and then when i finish catching up w that. then i go back to being hi3's punching bag#can i get off this train now? why'd i sign myself up for this (welt yang doomed me and then i got fucked over by everything else)#idk also the way that both mei AND kiana resorted to using their herrscher powers to stop the other. two stubborn people....#but its done because they just... they just care so much and want to save the other#okay yeah we did beat each other up about it bUT STILL#MEI I BELIEVE IN YOU YOU CAN TURN THIS AROUND 😭😭😭😭😭#anyways. glad i did. i have the worst stomach ache rn so i was Going through it#but my brain hit a reset so i feel normal now. save for the crying
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mutalune · 3 months
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hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery
#starlight personal#it’s very bizarre to have my life going objectively well - work is good! personal life is good! family is good!#and still be very mentally ill and feel like I’m faking it even though I know damn well I ain’t scream-sobbing every couple of days alone in#my apartment for attention because What Attention??? my cat????? Bug is never moved by my tears she cares only for string and wires#like I know that cannabis has been immensely helpful to getting me to fucking sleep on a regular schedule and that’s integral to -#my functioning and I know that having emergency klonopin in the event of a total breakout is helpful#and I KNOW that my PMDD and depression and anxiety are very treatment resistant and ketamine is the only thing that’s provided any -#meaningful relief and logically I know I’m not abusing any of these#I’m getting a promotion at work I still go out to see friends regularly I have hobbies I have a girlfriend (??? Wild right)#like clearly these things are working because i’m better now than i was for years leading up to now#SO LIKE. DON’T STOP USING THE THINGS THAT HELP. LOGICALLY THIS MEANS THESE ARE GOOD FOR ME#I always roll my eyes when ppl go off their meds b/c they’re feeling better like babes that’s what the meds are meant to do#if you stop taking them you stop feeling better - but it’s REALLY HARD to get past the cultural conditioning#the feeling that ‘but I can white knuckle my way through this I can force myself to live without’ like WHY BITCH#WE DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT#AND ALSO. WE’RE STILL GENERALLY MISERABLE BRO. EVEN WITH OUR LIFE IN A BETTER PLACE!!!#DO YOU NOT THINK THIS MEANS THAT WE SHOULD USE WHAT WE KNOW WORKS TO BE LESS MISERABLE#basically it’s really hard to not feel like a loser when the only things that help are ‘fun’ drugs like weed and psychedelics#I feel like I’m being a hedonistic reprobate which 1) is actually kinda cool now that I wrote it out#2) @ myself were not a good enough liar-faker that every medical professional we see wouldn’t pick up on that if that was our motivation#time to remind myself that it’s arrogant to think I could trick many trained professionals without actively trying tbh#that generally helps me get out of my self-pitying ‘ohhhhh I’m awful and lazy and bad and abusing substances’ spiral#to be very mentally ill on main it is weirdly reassuring to be like ‘just as my fanon interpretation of obi wan kinda hates himself but is -#practical enough to take care of himself even when it makes him cringe and want to scratch his face off; I too am aware that self-care is -#radical and punk and In Fact Necessary to beat back the dark and live in the light with hope so yes even though I doubt and -#feel squiggly and guilty about it I’m not going to NOT prioritize my health and well-being b/c self-hatred and self-denial benefits no one’#thank you inner obi wan i love projecting my issues onto you mwah mwah mwah smooches for my favorite boy!!!!!#and smooches for me I’m going to be proud of myself gosh darn it even if I have to fake it at first#see I wouldn’t be able to be nice to myself like this if I hadn’t been doing ketamine treatment for a year IT WORKS BRO KEEP IT UP#SCHEDULE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT AND CLEAN YOUR BONG
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tamagotchikgs · 5 months
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last post ended up deleting my tags so im continuing them here
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#but.#even after all the time i had aparti still went back at 16#i traveled across the country just to see her again#and it fucking sucked#she ripped that wound right back open#which . felt so weird because she WANTED me to come#she made all the plans#honestly the train trip there was nice#i got to experience a lot of cool things#but the second i got there. it was . one of the worst times of my life#just nonstop#and now ive finally been away for awhile again#but i still miss her#& i dont know why#but it also doesnt help the only gf i have ever had did the same type of thing LMAO//.... i .. i just cannot win#maybe it's just my roll#say all these nice things n then immediately flip#she would make me hang out w her friends n talk me up n then. cheat on me with them with me there#& then get upset when i cried or tried to break up w her LMAO...#like. she wasnt poly or anything she was actually against it#but the worst part is how openly & loudly she'd love me right before it. so now i never know who is telling the truth. i never feel safe#but anyway. again. i stayed#over n over again id try to break up w her but then i loved her & so when she got upset n threaten to kms id flip n stay#n she'd do it again#until eventually she broke up w me n left me so fuckd up im not gonna lie JHVAJH#she still tried to stay friends after that n i tried#but then i started sobbing mid card game & it was very embarrassing top 10 worst things i have done#but i just. all i want is to be a good person. i want to be someone good & loving but i feel like im such a jealous monster#even if i dont let myself show it n try to ignore it bc i dont want to hurt anyone or be this awful it;s still here. just. permeating.#what if i feel too much what if ill never know when someone is genuine what if im just an evil obsessive freak n everyone i love hates me
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worldssilliestserpent · 6 months
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bruhh the world really hates me this week
#let's see what happened? what hell did I go through?#we were down 12 people this week on the team- so we had two 12-hour work days#my body hurts and my feet are blistered- and I was assigned to help my supervisor wrap up in equipment for the week#which I barely got training on#yesterday I accidentally tripped the emergency fire exit alarm in walmart cause my dumbass didn't watch where I was going#which caused me to have a meltdown which I was trying VERY hard to hold back and not sob my eyes out in front of my boss#My belt buckle broke while I was working today so I had to stop and shop for a new one#I tripped and ate shit while packing the equipment cases into my supervisor's hotel room last night#my leg gave out from under me when I tried to stand up after counting a shelf in grocery and I rolled my ankle#I got lost when my supervisor told me to take the equipment to the back room#I had to stop and ask two walmart employees where it was located- neither of them knew#I've been overstimulated since first break this morning#I got so many scratches on my arrms from counting pegs in apparel and those bitches are so sharp they'd make my therapist concerned#aaaand while wrapping up equipment there was a bike hung up on a shelf and I ran face-first into the handlebar and I bent my glasses frames#so now I gotta get those fixed#I'm quickly making my way to the top in competing for 'most directionally challenged' as my supervisor jokingly put it#I'M GONNA GO DOWN TO THE LOBBY TOMORROW MORNING AND MAKE MYSELF A WAFFLE FOR BREAKFAST#I DESERVE A TREAT
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Lemon Bullet Train is so hot but please please can his beard not be so hard to draw wtf
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pepprs · 2 years
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crying again lol ok
#purrs#and posting online abt it so i get immediate validation / support instead of asking for help from anyone im close to i know. but god fucking#damn it to hell. ok im going to be candid about this because it hurts so fucking bad. five years ago i met someone so important to me. and I#miss her so so so so much. and every space here i have a memory with her in. and she left in July and she’s gone. and im sobbing my eyes out#FOR WHY because it was over 6 months ago and im happier and she’s happier and we’re all happier. but i think im getting some aftershocks#being here for the first time without her exactly 5 years to the week we met: when she was so important to me. she was the whole reason i#even saw myself as something. and she’s fucking gone. she left. but she’s not dead like LMAO idk why im crying so hard when i could just#text her any time and tell her that i miss her. but idk. it’s just everything is stirring memories and they’re painful to think about now or#at least today because she’s gone and it all changed. i was just saying that i feel like im not having any emotions and tonight the grief ju#just rammed into me like a train and my fucking counselor sucks ass and won’t even help me work through it and everyone is busy and tired an#and im a staff coach so im not supposed to be having a fuckjng mental breakdown over **** pacing around in my bathroom at 1:23am but ive be#been thinking about her so much and remembering all the formative interactions i had with her here and missing her so much i want to explode#and die and p*ke and whatever. so stupid to cry about it but i fucking miss her. and i hate that she’s not here. and i’m trying so hard to b#be her but i have to be me but i can’t not have what she brought here and im just crashi ng and burning and can’t be honest and im having a#breakdown and crying so hard and i don’t know what to do. i ithink i’ll be fine after some sleep and reflection but my heart is like seizing#on itself right now and nothing takes my mind off it and i just keep crying LMFAOOOOOO. i hate it here#delete later#like how can you look at me like that and then fuck off to ****** 4.5 years later. you know? im about to punch a hole into the hallway#and i have to be quiet bc ppl are trying to sleep but it’s making me fucking crazy.#retreat tag
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finnslay · 1 year
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Just saw my old science teacher for the first time since May
She wasn't there on the last day and I didn't get to say goodbye
Anyways. Crying now.
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corrodedcoughin · 2 years
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Just caught up with the last of us, somebody hold me
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