#trying to do some sort of self promotion here

[genia-caliber]

Hello everyone, I posted a new fic! (tw death from old age)

It's a bit angstier than usual but I really enjoyed writing it.

The early reviews are in and it seems people liked it 😌

if you also think being sad can be fun, I hope you'll read it and enjoy!

[moonwabbitt]

im sorry to make so many pluging posts,,

im looking for work, but it's been a slow process, (i started back in dec) my disability limits me to what jobs are available to me in my area, disability payments aren't enough to cover household + pet costs;;; im doing the best i can but i could really use the money

[athanza]

Starlett - Part 1

Cooper Howard/fem!OC (not self-insert)

Tags: Hurt/comfort (sort of?), non-allowed romantic connection, lots of tention, pre and post war drama, some fluff

Warnings: Mentions of domestic abuse (no graphic scenes or descriptions of that nature), angst, canon wasteland violence

Summary: The Ghoul remembers a recruit of Moldaver, by the name of Irene Taylor, who he met before the war.

This branches out from canon but I thought it was a cute story idea so I had to write it. Enjoy! ♡

Part 2 | Part 3 | Final part

2296

Cooper's weather-beaten boots thudded on the dirt, the stones crackling beneath his heels.

The town was too quiet for there not to be a surprise waiting for him somewhere amongst the pre-war rubble so when a glimpse of movement caught his attention and he pulled his gun.

A kid, no older than 15 held up his hands in fear.

"Please don't shoot!"

Coopers sunken eyes narrowed. "Do yourself a favour and scram. If you try anything I will shoot you. Understand?"

The kid nodded frantically in agreement and Cooper gestured with his gun for the kid to get out of there.

As the boy ran off, a large, rolled up piece of paper fell out of his backpack and unfurled face-up in the dirt.

Cooper stepped over as he re-holstered his gun, and looked down at it out of curiosity. When he saw a familiar face on it he bent down to pick it up and held it out in front of him.

"Irene Taylor," It read. "Songbird of Hollywood Hills."

On the poster was a large photograph of a glamorous woman behind a microphone, and a look of a fond, yet faded, remembrance appeared on his scarred features.

2077

"This is a little public for a meeting isn't it?" Cooper asked as he and Lee Muldaver made their way to an empty table at a local jazz club called the Bird Cage.

"My contact is meeting us here. Don't worry about being recognised, this place is used to celebrities, they mind their own business."

They took a seat and settled in and Cooper turned his attention to the band, the singer had a lovely voice and it reminded him of the band that played at his wedding. He shook the memory from his mind.

"So where is this contact?" He asked.

Muldaver smiled a little. "You're listening to her."

He looked back at the singer.

Now that he thought about it, he did recognise her. He'd seen her face on posters for jazz clubs all over the city but never gave them much thought.

"Her husband is Frank Taylor, he's an executive for Vault Tec. She feeds us any information she can get. She's one of our best."

She had wonderful stage presence, captivating the audience with a rendition of "Them There Eyes" by Billie Holiday. Her champagne coloured dress sparkled in the stage lights, and she had every person in that room wrapped around her finger, and she knew it.

When she finished the song the room roared with applause and she stepped off the stage, politely thanking patrons as they came up to her on her way over.

Muldaver rose from her seat to meet her as she reached their table.

"Lee." Irene smiled fondly as she hugged her. "Thank you for coming."

"That was wonderful as always."

"Stop it you." Irene joked.

"May I introduce Mr. Cooper Howard?"

Irene looked at him and he held out his hand, having stood up with Muldaver.

"Pleasure to meet you Mr. Howard." She smiled as she took his hand.

"The pleasure is mine." He replied with a charming grin.

She sat down at their table and waved the waiter down for a round of drinks.

"How is everything going? Is Frank well?" Muldaver asked.

Cooper noticed Irene make a subtle, nervous glance at the bar before answering. "He's fine." She replied. "You said there was something you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Yes, our new recruit."

Muldaver looked at Cooper and Irene seemed surprised, unable to reply for a few seconds.

"I apologise for seeming so shocked, but with all of your promotions with Vault Tec, you're one of the last people I'd expect."

"Don't worry about it." He replied, reassuring her. "I understand. I'm not the first I'd expect either."

"Well, I guess this proves how convincing Lee can be." She smiled again, but there was something in that smile that seemed pained somehow.

Just then, a man came up behind them with a drink in his hand and put the other on Irene's shoulder and she jumped a little.

By her reaction Cooper thought it was another random patron come to say hello and invade her space, but he kissed her on the cheek and she looked up and smiled at him.

"Hello darling." She said.

"Hi Frank, how have you been?" Muldaver smiled.

"Oh, you know, more hours and no pay rise." He joked.

It was obvious he was tipsy and the discomfort on Irene's face as her husband sat down next to her made Cooper's eyes narrow a little.

"Darling, have you met Mr. Howard?"

"No I haven't had the pleasure." Frank replied, reaching over to shake his hand. "Nice to finally meet you Mr. Howard, your advert for vault 4 was terrific, exactly what we were looking for. I was sad to hear about your resignation."

Cooper shifted in his seat and chuckled uncomfortably, trying to retain his professionalism. "Ah, well, I'm not getting any younger." He joked.

Frank laughed, a little louder than was necessary. "Aren't we all! Say, is it true that it was your real dog in A Man and His Dog?".

Cooper took a sip of his drink that had just arrived. "Yes, Roosevelt, he's a beloved member of our little family."

"Well isn't that just the cutest darn thing." He smiled.

Irene was shrinking. Frank's presence was drowning the one that was only just captivating an entire audience. Then he noticed it and his chest pulsed with distain.

"Mr. Taylor, would you mind if I stole your wife for a dance?"

Irene looked slightly worried and stuttered her reply. "U-um, I don't..." She looked at Frank, almost for permission.

He hesitated but wanted to save face in front of everyone. "Of course." He smiled.

She stood up and walked over to take Cooper's extended hand.

He lead her to the dance floor. The band was playing an instrumental of "Good Morning Heartache" and he placed a hand on her waist.

"Not too close." She said. She realised her fear had slipped out and very quickly composed herself. "Don't want Frank to get jealous." She chuckled, disguising her reaction with a joking tone.

He stayed a modest distance from her as they began swaying to the music.

"He's playing it down but Frank is a big fan of yours. He's seen almost all of your movies, even dressed as your role in The Man From Calabasas for Halloween a few years back."

"You know," he said. "There's a funny story from that set. In the scene where I had to lasso that steer, the first take it somehow managed to pull me clean off my horse. I had a terrible black eye for two weeks after that, but the makeup team covered it up so well that no one could tell. In other words, I know a cover job when I see one."

She nervously glanced at her shoulder, briefly enough that hopefully Frank wouldn't notice if he was watching her.

"I know we just met, and it's none of my business, but Lee told me you married him for the mission. If he's hurting you, you need to tell her."

"She knows." Irene replied.

"She knows? And she hasn't pulled you out?"

"I asked her not to."

"Why?"

"Because this cause means a lot to me, and whatever I'm going through is for the greater good. I'm the only one with my foot in the door this high up, at least before you showed up."

He was getting angry now, not at anyone in particular, but at the unnecessary situation.

"Forgive me, but that's about the biggest pile of bullshit I've ever heard. You don't need to be in this any more than I do."

She scoffed dismissively. "You don't understand Mr. Howard, this is my purpose, stopping Vault Tec in any way that I can, even if it's one password or document at a time."

Part 2

[etheries1015]

I was thinking- what if Vil does one of those celebrity documentaries when he's older? He's settled down with you, you have kids, his career is still going good. He'll talk about when you guys decided to settle down and have kids (the home video clips of him loving his kids 🥲). They'll sit you down and you just radiate loving housewife energy and someone will sneakily catch on camera Vil looking at you so softly while you're recording your part. Him admitting his problems with Neige (and the team interviewed him too but he still has no idea about Vil's true feelings), how he always wanted a role outside of being a villain. Rook having his own interviews being his usual self but also suddenly showing up in your home during filming. Epel wanting to get in on it to kinda reveal the bs Vil made him put up with (and Vil just chuckles cause he still knows he was right) and to promote the farm. And then Vil mentions how he owes Malleus favors (does he reveal he overblotted?). Cue the screen suddenly showing Malleus sitting comfortably in a chair and smiling smugly. And then you notice he's in your home. And he's just like, "Oh, yes. I did Schonheit some favors back then." And it shows some backstage footage of the film crew wondering if they should even try and contact THE Malleus Dragonia to get an interview, and if they do if they actually have the guts to. But before they can decide you pull up, "Oh? You wanna talk to Mal? Let me ask him!" And you just speed dial him and ask and once you hang up he's magically poofed into your home for the interview. He doesn't mind talking about Vil and you but also sneaks in some gargoyle stuff. There's also extra footage of your still young kids hearing Mal is here and running up to him, "Uncle Mal~!!" And you, Vil, Mal, and the kids having a small tea break.

Oh man, what're you doing dropping this beautiful piece in my inbox when you should post it on your page and get the attention it deserves?? Because this is ADORABLE and AMAZING! All the ideas you threw out in here were so cute, Vil finally having the confidence to talk about you and his family, his carreer as a total...plus that Malleus blurb LMFAOOOO, When you're asked what person in your school years affected you most other than Vil or what friends you had that were most prominent, you say "Oh, Malleus Draconia! I think he's king of brair valley right now, though."

Everyone just stares at you in shock, but Vil kinda like "You have his number, right? Call him over." (He did it for the drama...he thought it would be funny for the documentary, and he was right. It became the most replayed part of the entire section.)

AND YOUR KIDS WITH VIL TALKING AND HANGING OUT WITH MALLEUS LIKE OL' CHUMS IS SO ADORABLE. When Malleus comes over, he always has some sort of riches or treasures for your children. He's constantly playing with them. He's your go-to baby sitter and he LOVES it. You being best friends with Malleus while married with Vil HAS to be my favorite thing about ALL OF THIS. It's so adorable i'm sobbing crying shaking throwing up.

The home clips...oh my gosh i'm so soft. YES!! Imagine when the documentary gets released, so many people point out places that they noticed Rook was in the background in the videos when you didn't see them before. It was insane, an entire conspiracy theory trend came out of it.

I like to think you have home videos of VIL being the housewife, cooking in his "Kiss the queen" Apron while holding one of your children on his side and using a spatula to flip the pancakes with the other. He had no idea you released this to the director, it came a shock to him when there was a section of the documentary dedicated to how you felt being married and having kids with one of the worlds biggest stars. He probably cried a little about it, ngl.

PLEASE I IMPLORE YOU reveal yourself!! Or post this!! Because it's such a cute idea and I think you truly deserve the rightful attention! But thank you for sharing, this was such a fun read and I enjoyed exploring / expanding more on it heuheuheu.

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

Best day of my life (USWNT x ADHD reader)

Song: The one my heart beats for by Greg Steinfeld

This took longer than I expected and I got a bit carried away, but it's finally done!

I love this series, but I think it might be coming to an end. I'm open to doing one more part if you guys might want one, let me know and feel free to send me some ideas!

Warnings: Panic attack, self doubt

Part One, Two, Three, Four

Words: 7.3k

"What's got you so excited today?" Tierna asked sitting down next to me on the field. While I had tried to tone it down a bit, I was very hyperactive today. My hyperactivity was always worse when I was excited, there was pretty much nothing that could be done to stop it. Ally had to go back home for a month for work. We hadn't been apart for that long since her promotion so I was suffering. She was coming back today so it was safe to say I was extremely excited.  

"Take a guess."

"Something to do with your better half I'd say. Is she coming back today?"

I did a little wiggle before flopping back onto the grass, "Yup. A month is way too long to not be with her. Oh! It's also her birthday in a few days! I love her birthday because it's the one day I get to go all out spoiling her and she can't complain about it." 

"You two are adorable, I love how excited you get to see her. We should do a team dinner to celebrate Ally's birthday. Is the wedding planning all done?"

"You guys would really want to celebrate her birthday? Um also mostly, we just need to sort out wedding rings and honeymoon."

Tierna looked at me like I had just said the craziest thing ever, "You're marrying her, we see her almost as much as you and she is amazing. Y/n, Ally is family now, of course we want to celebrate her. What rings are you going to get?"

The problem was, I had no idea what my ring was going to be. I had been scouring the internet and countless jewelers for anything that might work, but I was drawing a blank. Rings were a sensory nightmare for me, I could wear them for a short time before they started driving me crazy. Ally had gotten me a few rings over the years, mostly fidget rings. She knew I liked them and wanted to try adjusting even though I always ended up wearing them on a chain. It was my wedding ring though, I wanted to be able to wear it normally, to show off that I was married.

"I don't know. I think Ally is going to use her engagement ring since she loves it so much. I really struggle with wearing rings so we were talking about getting me a fidget ring though a fancier one to fit as a wedding ring. That way I can play with it and hopefully it'll help me get used to it. Ally wouldn't care if I wore it on a chain, but I want to wear it like normal people do, I want to show off I'm married T."

"Hey, don't go comparing yourself to others okay? I think a fidget ring is a great idea and it's awesome you're trying to adjust even if it makes you uncomfortable. Just be patient with yourself and if all else fails, just get it tattooed."

"That's not a silly idea. Thanks T."

---

"Hey Y/n, wher-"

"Don't have time," I yelled running away from Emily. Ally had messaged saying she was downstairs. I was very excited to see her, but I also wasn't going to let her carry her bags up herself. Whenever we went anywhere, I carried her bags. Ally had messaged me when she was already in the lobby, so I was in a rush to beat her before she could come up. 

Before Ally had the chance to turn around I wrapped my arms around her waist and spun her around. She squealed, well at least the person I was currently spinning around squealed. As soon as I heard it, I realised it wasn't Ally. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I thought you were someone else."

The women laughed, before turning around to reveal Ally's younger sister. When you see her face on, they look nothing alike, but behind they look very similar, "Hi Y/n."

"Dani? What are you doing here? Where's Ally? I'm very confused."

"Ally's over there getting her key. I'm in town for a work conference so figured I'd come see Ally for her birthday." By this point, the coaches just automatically roomed me alone, but put down for two so Ally could stay with me. There had been a bit of push back when Ally first started traveling with me, though it was quickly realised that I played better when sharing a room with Ally.

After giving Dani a proper hug, I pulled away to go find Ally. There was no way I was going to repeat what just happened so instead I tapped Ally on the shoulder once she was clearly identified. "A warning would have been nice y'know, I just picked up and spun around your sister. Like I'm not complaining, I love your sister, but I love you more."

"I know, I saw and it was hilarious." I pouted. Ally giggled, pulling me into a hug and subtly kissing my neck. We didn't go out of our way to hide our relationship, but we were more careful in public. Things were easier without the public interfering, I also didn't want Ally to have to deal with the meanness of some of the fans. "I'm sorry my love. It was a last minute plan."

I pretended to think about it for a second before smirking, "Hmm I'll forgive you later when we're alone."

Ally blushed, but pulled me over to Dani without a word. I could only guess what was going through her mind. Dani had become like a sister to me pretty much as soon as we had met. So despite my initial embarrassment, I was actually really excited to see her. She was only a few months younger than me and much to Ally's dismay, she did match my energy most of the time. Ally loved that we got along, but it meant she had to deal with two crazy people. 

It was too early for dinner yet so Ally, Dani and I hung around in our room for a while catching up and talking about wedding stuff. Dani made me sit through the torture of looking at her possible dress choices. Ally loved it, but I would rather be doing anything else. Dani literally sat on me though, so there was no other option. 

Ally was taking too long to get ready so Dani and I decided to wait for her in the lobby. I had spent too much time sitting down and was feeling restless so I ran down the stairs while Dani walked behind me, complaining she wasn't an athlete and to slow down. I just flipped her off and ran faster, knowing full well that if Ally or Ali found out I would be in trouble.

Dani had decided to chase me after flipping her off. Some of the team were hanging around the lobby so I made a beeline to Ali and hid behind her, though Dani hadn't given up. I managed a few laps around Ali before she grabbed my shirt, allowing Dani to catch me. The team watched on as Dani tickled me, while I tried to fight her off. It wasn't an easy task given the full blown fits of laughter, but I managed to get her into a headlock. 

Eventually, Dani pulled out of my grip, doubling over in laughter while attempting to catch her breath. I followed suit, not realising how many eyes were currently on us. "Uh hey Y/n and mystery women who's not your fiancé."

My head shot up as I realised how strange this probably looked to them. "Right, this is Dani. Dani the team."

"Hello team."

"Where's Ally?" Ali asked, still looking very confused.

"She was taking too long to get ready as always so we left without her. We're always waiting on her, such a slowpoke." Dani answered, getting raised eye brows in response. A few of the team looked like they wanted to say something, but held back. It was then I realised I hadn't actually told them who Dani was.

"Dani is Ally's sister by the way. She's in town for work so we thought we'd go out for an early birthday dinner for Ally."

"Ohh that makes more sense. Nice to meet you Dani."

Ally caught my eye, looking stunning as always. I was really looking forward to having time alone with her. Not necessarily for inappropriate reasons, but to cuddle with her, the lazy make out sessions before we fell asleep or when we woke up and just being close to her. Dani flicked my ear, running out of my reach. Ali dodged me as I ran around her, moving to the safety of where Ally was standing, "Are they always like that?"

"Unfortunately. Dani matches Y/n's energy pretty much constantly so it's like having a hyperactive Y/n, times like 10 because they feed off each other. Dani is like the sister Y/n never had. They're happy, so I'm happy even though it's exhausting sometimes. I'll give them a few minutes to tire themselves out before stopping them, hopefully they'll sit through dinner."

"Good luck. The team and I were thinking we could go out for dinner to celebrate your birthday. Either on the day or a day around it. What do you think?"

"I would love that." Ally's smile caught my eye, distracting me from where I was going and making me run into Kristie. She stopped me from falling, but all my attention was still on Ally. It was one of her genuinely happy smiles, something that people wouldn't be able to tell apart from her regular smiles. This smile was more lopsided and toothy, the corner of her eyes crinkling just a bit more. Besides her love filled smile it was my favourite smile. Kristie and Dani followed my eye line when I didn't say anything for a while, "What are you looking at?"

"She's looking at Ally of course. She's in looooove."

"More than I ever thought possible," I mumbled, moving over to stand next to Ally. "I love you."

---

We had finished dinner a little while ago and had been walking around, but we all had to be up early so we dropped Dani at her hotel before starting the short walk back to ours. There weren't that many people around so my arm wrapped around Ally's shoulder, pulling her against me as we walked. "I love everyone and everything, but I'm really glad we're alone now. I missed you."

Ally kissed the spot under my ear, "I missed you too Y/n/n. Thankfully, I don't think I'll need to spend that much time away for a while."

"Good. Mmm I can't wait to cuddle."

"I believe you hinted at something earlier."

"Oh yeah, you giving me a massage to make up for not telling me about Dani."

Ally groaned, pushing me away, "You're such a tease."

I laughed, pulling Ally back into me, peppering her face with kisses, "I'm sorry."

"Nah," She pouted, walking away and into the hotel. I went to chase after her, but a group of fans outside the hotel called out to me. Interacting with fans was one of my favourite things to do so of course I went over. I knew she wasn't seriously mad or anything so it made me feel less bad about going over to them. Also, she was waiting just inside giving me reassuring smiles. Ten minutes and dozens of photos later, I made my way back into the hotel, following Ally into the elevator. 

My arms wrapped around her waist from behind, leaving light kisses across her neck. Sometimes, I felt bad that Ally had to deal with me being well known to the public. She never complained about it, instead keeping her distance and allowing me to interact as I wanted to. The guilt was hitting pretty hard right now though.

Once we were back in the room, Ally cupped my cheek, pulling me in for a slow, lingering kiss, "What's wrong?"

I shrugged, not meeting her eyes, "Nothing."

"Liar. You haven't said a word since you came inside, you got all soft and touchy suddenly so talk to me."

 "You're the best you know that? It can't be easy dating someone who's in the public eye all the time."

"You're feeling guilty again aren't you?" I just nodded, sitting on the edge of the bed. Ally straddled my legs, letting my head fall against her shoulder. "Y/n, I knew before we started dating that you were in the public eye and that once you got called up, it would only get worse. Maybe it's not always easy, but if I couldn't handle it, then I wouldn't have pursued you, let alone agreed to spend the rest of my life with you. You're respectful about it, you know the time and place to leave me to interact with them. Please don't feel guilty Y/n/n. Now, I know it's getting late, but I've really really missed you so what do you say we get reacquainted."

Once we were thoroughly reacquainted and cuddled up in bed for the night, I completed my nightly routine of scrolling the internet for my wedding ring. This time though I think I found the one. It was a simple black titanium fidget ring, engraved with shooting stars. They were subtle as they were black and flush with the surface. Ally absolutely loved stars so it would be a little reminder of her when we were apart. Another perk was there was the option to have the band width smaller which would be perfect.

I quickly rolled over toward Ally, making her look at me confused. "Baby I think I finally found my ring."

"Ooo show me." Ally grinned after seeing the photo, kissing my temple, "I love it. Stars because of me right?"

"You know me too well. A part of you for when you're not around."

"You're such a sap."

I cuddled against her side, leaning up to connect our lips, "Only for you Ally."

"Better be. Now we've got everything else sorted, we need to plan our honeymoon."

"Honestly, I don't even know where to start. There are so many options."

"Well, you've always talked about wanting to go back to New Zealand to explore the south island. Maybe we could do that? It'll be winter, but it'll be ski season."

"Wait really? That sounds amazing. It kinda fits, skiing was our first trip as a couple and it'll be our first trip as a married couple. I'll look into game schedules so we can book it."

---

Something anyone could tell you was that I was not in the slightest a morning person. I hated waking up early and would do everything to avoid it. That being said, there were three days in a year that I naturally woke up early for. They were Ally's birthday, our anniversary and since meeting Ally, Christmas. This morning I was awake at 7:30am because it was Ally's 27th birthday. It was too early to wake her up so I spent almost an hour enjoying cuddles before getting restless and sneaking out of bed to find breakfast for us. 

I peppered Ally's face with kisses. She groaned, shoving her face further against my chest, "Baby wake up it's your birthday!"

"Why does my birthday have to be one of the three days a year you turn into a morning person?" Ally groaned.

"Because I get to spoil you and you can't complain. Now I got you breakfast. I couldn't make it this year, but I found a cafe close by that had all your favourites so you gotta wake up."

Ally protested, but sat up anyway, taking the coffee with a sleepy smile. We ate breakfast in comfortable quite, some random show playing in the background. I just wanted to give her the presents I got, but I wanted her to enjoy her breakfast while it was warm so I waited impatiently. As soon as Ally finished eating, I pecked her lips before practically running to the cupboard where I had hidden them.

"Y/n, why did you get me so much? You know you don't have to."

"I don't have to, I want to so deal with it. Besides, it's only three things. You are an amazing, incredible women who deserves to be spoilt. I love you so much. Happy birthday my love."

"Thank you Y/n/n. I do appreciate it even though I don't like you buying me heaps of stuff. I love you."

"I know, now open them!"

In all honesty, I wanted to buy Ally much more than I actually did, but I knew she would feel really bad and not enjoy them as much. Instead I stuck with matching silver initial necklaces with a heart pendant, a star map of the night I proposed and a custom engraved keychain with a photo of me standing behind Ally, arms wrapped around her as she looked back at me with a huge grin. It was her favourite photo of us. These were all things that she had talked about wanting. Ally grinned, launching herself into my arms giggling. "You remembered. Thank you, I love them."

"You wanna know a secret?" Ally nodded quickly, "You know my memories shit so whenever you point something out that you want or talk about, I write it down in my phone notes so I remember."

"Really? You're so sweet Y/n/n. Put this on for me?"

I secured the necklace around her neck, leaving kisses across her neck and jaw before leaving a lingering kiss against her lips. "I have a whole day planned for you. Don't even ask because it's all a surprise."

We spent a while making out before moving to the shower and finally leaving the hotel. Ally went for a spa and massage session, while I went to get stuff required for a picnic lunch at the gardens. It was a little bit chilly, but Ally loved picnics so it was still perfect. We just used it as an excuse to cuddle the whole time. After the picnic, we walked around for a little bit before going to a board game cafe. They had a heap of board games you could play while you were there. While board games may not have been my thing, they were definitely Ally's and her birthday was all about things that she liked doing. That night, I took Ally to a restaurant where the team were waiting to surprise her. Of course we finished the night cuddled up in bed watching all of Ally's favourite movies. 

---

I felt multiple intense and overwhelming feelings as I read the text from an unknown number. 

Unknown: Hi Y/n, it's mum and dad. We're sorry it's been a while, but we've been thinking about you recently and wanted to check in, see how you're doing?

Unknown: We also heard you were getting married and wanted to say congratulations. We're sure he's lovely and can't wait to meet him. Maybe we can sort out a time before your wedding?

Anger, disgust, sadness, fear and many more emotions swirled around my head as all I could do was stare at the message. I didn't know how they had gotten my number, how they knew I was getting married or why they suddenly felt the need to reach out after years of no contact. There was nothing on my public social media about it and the only family I still talked to were a few cousins that had nothing to do with my parents. It was safe to say I was confused as hell and slightly scared at how they were getting information on me. They also knew I was gay, yet they still refused to acknowledge it, instead deciding to misgender my fiancé. 

I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to process it. The familiar tightness in my chest returned as my breath caught in my throat. The tightness that I hadn't felt in so long. It felt like I was drowning, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't catch my breath. My phone fell to the floor, catching the attention of some of the girls. They were saying stuff that I couldn't comprehend as a hand landed on my shoulder. I knew they were trying to help, but it just sent more panic through me as I shrugged it off and stumbled back. 

Arms wrapped tightly around me from behind, calming me down enough to realise it was Ali. I wanted my Ally, but Ali was helping enough to breath a little easier despite still panicking. 

"You're okay, I've got you Y/n. Ally is coming, but I need you to take some deep breaths for me. Just follow my breathing."

The more I focused on mine and her breathing, the easier it became. I found myself relaxing against Ali. The tightness in my chest slowly disappearing. A few minutes later, hands cupped my face, familiar lips leaving soft kisses across my face before landing on my lips.

"Ally," I whimpered, pushing myself into her arms. 

"I've got you my love. Come on, let's go back to our room."

Ally didn't question what had happened straight away, instead she held me tightly as I curled into her side and cried. All the feelings and memories from growing up came rushing back. It had been years since I cried over them, I couldn't help feeling stupid. They didn't deserve my tears. 

A hand ran through my hair and down my back, effectively helping me to calm down enough to stop the tears, but left me a hiccupping mess, "What happened Y/n/n?"

I handed her my phone, never leaving the safety of her side, "Messages."

She was quiet for a few seconds before my phone was thrown back on the bed next to us and I was held tighter, "Oh hell no. Don't even give them the satisfaction of a reply, they don't deserve it and you don't need to deal with this. We can just block them and move past this."

"I know that's what I should do. I don't want anything to do with them, but how did they know I was getting married? We haven't posted anything publicly and we don't know anyone who has anything to do with them. They also shouldn't be able to message, I blocked them. It scares me."

"Okay, I'll text them back and ask then block them. You're not going to have anything to do with it."

"Thank you Ally. I feel like this is a huge step back. I thought I had accepted the situation and moved past it, but I obviously haven't."

"That's not true. It was unexpected, they put you through hell and this was a normal reaction. You've made so much progress, this doesn't take away from that. I know it might have taken you back to times you don't want to remember, but you'll move past it. We'll work through this together."

"I love you."

"I love you Y/n."

It didn't take long for my parents to reply. In all honesty, they were probably waiting by the phone. They were likely delusional enough to think that everything they did to me would be forgotten and I would welcome them back with open arms. Actually, they never understood what they put me through so in reality they just expected to act like the last 3 years never happened.

"So apparently my gran told her church group I was getting married, showing off photos and everything. Someone from the group recoganised you as the daughter of someone they know from a different group and told them you were getting married. As for your number, apparently they just got a new phone and tried your old number. I guess they got embarrassed that they didn't know so wanted to make themselves look better. I'm so sorry baby, I didn't know they were connected in anyway. I'll talk to gran about keeping stuff to herself."

"It's not your fault, it's such a random connection. I don't blame your grandma either, she's just excited that her granddaughter is getting married. We can talk to her about it tomorrow or something. Can you tell them I don't want anything to do with them, then tell them to fuck off, block them and delete the messages? I don't want any reminder of this."

"Of course. I think maybe we should change your number so this can't happen again."

"That's a tomorrow job as well. For now can we just have a bath then cuddle and watch movies? After you please let the girls know I'm okay."

"That sounds like heaven. Let me call my boss as well and let her know I'm done for the day."

"No, you should be working. I'll be fine."

"That's not happening. You're more important than work."

Ally slipped out of my grip to call her boss and run a bath before coming back. I pouted, lifting my arms up, "Carry me?"

"Baby, I would love to carry you, but you're the strong one. You know I would drop you."

She was right, I knew it from experience. Doesn't mean I didn't pout the whole time I was getting up, "Ugh fine."

"Don't pout. I can give you a massage instead."

---

None of the team had been told the details of what caused my panic attack a few days. I hadn't wanted to bring it up again. Surprisingly, after the initial panic attack, it hadn't effected me as much as I expected. There had been a few nightmares to begin with, but Ally had stopped me from bottling it up and actually made me deal with it. 

Ali gave me a quick hug before letting me into her room, "I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but you doing okay kiddo?"

"I think so. Ally's been a big help." Besides Ally, Ali was the person I trusted most, so I gave her a quick rundown on what had happened. Even if she tried not to show it, I knew she was worried.  

"Don't worry, even if they show up, they won't be getting in."

"Thanks Ali. I know I've asked a lot of you recently, but I have another favour to ask."

"You know I would do almost anything for you Y/n."

"Will you teach me how to dance? Ally wants to have a first dance, but I don't really know how. She knows and offered not to have one which I agreed to. I'm planning on surprising her though and want it to be perfect."

Ali smiled widely, "Of course I will. I really admire how much effort you're putting into this. I'm sure she'll love it either way because you tried."

Ali put some slow music on quietly in the back ground before standing in front of me, "There are two ways you can do it, either holding one of her hands as you more around or one persons arms around the waist while the others around the neck. Or you can do both depending what you're comfortable with."

Ali guided one of my hands so it was around her waist, hers looped around the back of my neck as she connected our spare hands, "Obviously you two will be closer, but you get the idea."

We moved around in small steps, swaying to the music as I focused on not stepping on her feet. It didn't work though as my foot connected with the top of hers, she flinched, but laughed it off. "It's okay, we'll keep practicing. You're doing great. If you step on her feet, just laugh it off and keep going. I'm pretty sure she won't mind because you're trying."

I stepped on her feet multiple times before managing to go a few minutes without stepping on her feet and we moved on. I was starting to relax by this point while also getting excited about dancing with Ally. Ali looped her arms loosely around my shoulders as mine went around her waist. We mostly just swayed this time as she gave me pointers on where I could rest my hands or head on Ally. "I want you to spin me."

"What? No I can't do that."

"Yes you can, when we do the first dance, move your hand up, spin me around then bring me back in either into the same dance or into the second one which ever feels more comfortable."

As I attempted to spin Ali around, I brought her back in too quickly and ended up head butting her. "Shit, I'm sorry. See I can't do the spin."

"Yes you can, we'll keep practicing. It'll feel easier with Ally because she's a bit shorter than you. Just bring me in slower."

It took a lot more head butting and tripping before I finally got the hang of it. Before we got the chance to practice the full thing properly, Ally's name flashed across my phone screen. I instantly remembered that we had dinner plans tonight and I was running late. 

"I have to go."

"You did good today. On the day you're going to be nervous both because you don't want to mess up in front of everyone and because you want to be good for Ally. So when you start getting nervous, just focus on Ally, let her guide you." 

"Thank you Ali. See you tomorrow."

---

I couldn't believe in just over three hours I would be married to the love of my life. I was excited beyond belief, but I was also incredibly nervous. What if I wasn't a good wife? What if Ally changed her mind and decided she didn't want to get married anymore? What if we didn't work as a married couple?

I knew it was just me overthinking. Ally and I worked well together. We loved each other deeply, we connected and understood each other, we had fun. Maybe it was cheesy, but we were made for each other. Not just because we met and connected instantly. We worked hard to get where we were, we worked hard to keep our relationship working despite our busy schedules, distance, and my issues with my ADHD. I tried to remember that as my thoughts went crazy, but it wasn't working. Ali was updating me on the set up and preparations, I couldn't focus on anything she was saying though. I was too busy overthinking.

"Y/n, Y/n!"

"Huh?"

"Are you okay?"

"I-I-I c-can't do this," I stammered, before running out of the house, Ali calling after me. I didn't stop until I found a hidden part of the beach where I slumped in the sand, tears falling down my cheeks. I don't know how long had passed when someone sat down behind me, arms wrapping around my waist and chin resting on my shoulder. Without even looking, I knew it was Ally, the softness of the way she held me and the smell of her hair gave it away. She didn't say anything for a while, just held me until the tears stopped.

Ally kissed my temple, hands drawing soothing patterns across my stomach. They weren't the soft touches most people find soothing, those touches made my sensory issues worse. There was a little bit more force behind it, making me relax against her. Sitting here with Ally, I realised that I was being stupid, there was no doubt that I was going to marry her today. Instead of being angry that I had ran away, she was here comforting me. "We can postpone if you don't want to do this, if you're having second thoughts about getting married. I understand, I know it was quick."

I quickly turned around, accidently knocking Ally over. "Shit sorry." I helped her so she was sitting again before kissing her softly, "No, no, we're not postponing. I want to marry you Ally, I'm going to marry you today, go to bed calling you my wife. I'm sorry I ran, I got stuck in my head, overthinking this, overthinking if I would even be a good wife, if you even still wanted to marry me, but didn't want to tell me and I freaked out."

"Baby, I want to marry you more than anything in this world, that hasn't changed and it won't ever change. You're are an amazing girlfriend Y/n, you're going to be an amazing wife. We're going to keep being the best couple there is and getting married is only going to strengthen that. I love you, I love you so much."

"I love you Ally. Can we stay here for a while?"

"We can stay here as long as you need. Ali's going to take care of the set up and everything. When you're ready we can go back and get ready for the first look."

I settled back between Ally's legs, back against her front as I watched the water, feeling more relaxed than I had all day, "I can't wait, you're going to look incredible."

"So are you Y/n/n."

Ally and I had decided to do the outfit reveals before the ceremony because I knew I wouldn't be able to control my emotions once I saw her. So here I was waiting anxiously for the love of my life to step around the corner. I was nervous about Ally's thoughts on my suit, but I was more anxious to finally see what Ally was wearing. Just as I was starting to get impatient, there she was. I froze, tears starting to fall instantly, I crouched down for a second, face buried in my hands to control the tears.

The sleeveless blue dress lined with lace, the black flats, her hair half up in a braid with the rest loose. She looked incredible, more breathtaking then I could have ever imagined. Ally stopped in front of me, small smile present with eyes shining with love and unshed tears. I took her hand, spinning her around so I could admire everything about her. Ally looked amazing on any given day, but today I was absolutely speechless.

"Y-y-yo-u-" I cut myself off, taking a deep breath to get myself together, "Y-you look breathtaking Ally, absolutely incredible. Holy shit."

Ally grinned, cupping my cheeks and connecting our lips. I heard protests about messing up Ally's make up, but I didn't care. Ally pulled away, this time being the one to take my hand and spin me around, she let out a long breath, making me slightly nervous, "Fuck you look stunning baby, my god you look incredible. I know it's probably out of your comfort zone, but you should definitely wear maroon more often, it is definitely your colour."

"I almost didn't choose it because it's not what I normally wear, but I decided to step out of my comfort zone for once."

Ally laced her fingers with mine, "I'm so proud of you love."

"Alright guys it's almost time to seal the deal so it's photo time," Alex interrupted as Ally was leaning in to kiss me. 

I groaned pulling away, "You couldn't have waited 2 seconds? We already had photos."

"And have you ruin her make up? No, you can do that after the photos. You had photos of your reveal, we want proper couple photos."

---

It was time. It was time to marry the love of my life. Of course I was nervous, incredibly so, but as the time came to walk down the aisle, most of my nerves were replaced with excitement. I was about to marry my person and there was nothing in this world I wanted more. We had decided I was going to go first, purely for the reason that I was dying to watch her walk down aisle. There was no better way to do that, then be standing at the end already.

We had gone pretty simple with decorations. The aisle was made out of various coloured petals, lined with rows of chairs and a wooden arch draped with white fabric at the end. String lights were strung around the trees, fence and patio. The chairs would later be replaced by outdoor furniture and bean bags. Long tables for food and the bar were set up, as well as a smore station for when the firepit was lit. We had made sure to hire a bartender to stop anyone getting out of control. 

Also, while we had hired a photographer, we also had a bunch of polaroid and disposable cameras for everyone to take their own photos. That way we had more intimate and fun memories. We had found a guest book that had mini envelopes and note cards so people could leave little messages if they chose to. The envelopes were the best idea knowing how inappropriate some of the team could be.  

Dance with me in the rain In the heart of Spain Let your hair fall down Curl around your face And sway with the tide Of the strangers passing us by

My arm linked with Ali's, her squeezing mine gently. Our friends and family lined the sides, huge smiles and some with tears in their eyes. My heart warmed knowing they were willing to be here, that they cared enough to make plans last minute to see us get married. 

Well let them watch What do we care There's no need to rush To come up for air As the world spins around us we dive In each other's eyes

No I don't want to go Can't seem to leave you alone For all that I am I wouldn't stand a chance This life on my own So love me now Love me forever Love me today and the days we're not together A moment this right is too hard to deny That you're the one The one my heart beats for

Land light on my feet To not make a peep Tip toe across the room So the floors don't creak As you're laying in bed Perfectly sound asleep I'll wake you with a kiss So you do not miss Your morning cup of coffee Pressed against your lips As the sun warms us up through the blinds We turn back the time

We stopped at the end, Ali kissing my cheek before walking back to her spot. I waited for a few seconds, trying not to fidget for once in my life. Every second that went by, made me want to walk back down grab her and drag her back because she was taking too long. Ally finally appeared, arm linked with her dad who had a huge, proud smile. There was a time in our relationship where I never thought he would be happy about us getting married. We had a rocky start, but now they were family. They had taken me in, treated me as if I was their own daughter. Between Ally, her family and the team, I had never been so loved.

No I don't want to go Can't seem to leave you alone For all that I am I wouldn't stand a chance This life on my own So love me now Love me forever Love me today and the days we're not together A moment this right is too hard to deny That you're the one The one my heart beats for No I don't want to go Can't seem to leave you alone For all that I am I wouldn't stand a chance This life on my own

They stopped in front of me, Ally's dad pulling her in for a hug and kiss on the cheek before moving to hug me, "You look amazing Y/n."

He moved back to his spot, while I took Ally's hands, kissing her cheek softly. We stood there, just looking at each other as the song came to an end. There was so much love shining in her eyes that it made my knees go weak. 

So love me now Love me forever Love me today and the days we're not together A moment this right is too hard to deny That you're the one A moment this right is too hard to deny That you're the one The one my heart beats for

We had chosen to have Sydney officiate our wedding just as she had with Ali and Ashlyn. It made the day feel just that little bit more personal. Once everyone was seated and quiet, Sydney started speaking.

"Thank you everyone for being here today to celebrate the marriage of our amazing Y/n and Ally. We all know Y/n gets antsy when she has to stand still for too long so we'll keep this as brief as possible. The relationship between Y/n and Ally is so full of love, life and friendship. It puts even the best of us to shame. With that being said, Y/n and Ally have chosen to write their own vows. Ally you're up."

"There are so many things I want to say to you, but we would be here all day if I did. So instead I'll start with thank you. Thank you for choosing me, for letting me in and trusting me with you and your heart. For trusting me enough to be your person and to show me who you are inside and out. With that, I vow to you that I will always tressure your love. I will always be by your side when you need me, I will always be there to hold you up when you need it and support you with everything I am. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you now and I will love you forever."

"Okay, you'll have to bare with me because there's no doubt I'm going to cry." There were a few laughs as Ally squeezed my hand. "There was a time in my life when I never thought this would happen for me. Where I never thought I would find someone who loves and trusts me so unconditionally, who understands me so deeply and who makes me laugh uncontrollably. Then you came crashing into my life, flipping it upside down in the best way possible. 

"You are my world Ally, my everything. I am far from perfect, but I promise to always be open and honest even on days that aren't great, to always support you in everything you do, to make you smile and laugh even when you don't feel like it. I promise to hold you, cuddle you and kiss you every chance I get because I know how much you love it. Most importantly I promise to love you with everything I am everyday for the rest of our lives."

My voice cracked as I pulled her closer, cupping her cheek and kissing her forehead, "You are my partner in life and love. I love you beyond what words can describe, I love the person I have become with you and the life we have and will continue to build."

"Now the rings. Ally, do you take Y/n to be your wife?"

Ally smiled widely, "I do."

I slipped the ring on her finger before letting her take my hand, "Y/n, do you take Ally to be your wife?"

"I do."

Ally slipped the ring on my finger, kissing it after she did so. If even possible, my smile grew as I stopped myself from fidgeting with excitement. One final sentence and Ally would be my wife. 

"It is my pleasure to pronounce you wife and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

My arm wrapped around her waist, the other cupping her head as I dipped her, lips connecting in a long, passionate kiss. Everyone cheered and clapped as I threw my hands up, "We're married bitches!!"

---

"We would like to welcome the newlyweds to the floor for their first dance."

Ally looked confused, but let me take her hand and guide her to the dance floor. Just like Ali showed me, I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her against me and taking her hand in mine. Ally smiled, pecking my lips before resting her head on my shoulder as we moved around slowly. As we danced around, watched by our closest family and friends, I was the happiest I had ever been. To have so many people come to celebrate with us at last minute, I felt loved, possibly more than I ever had.

After a couple of minutes, I successfully spun Ally around, bringing her into me and connecting our lips. My head landed against Ally's shoulder, kissing the bare skin softly, "We're married Ally, we're actually married."

Ally giggled, kissing my temple, "Best day of my life so far. You learnt how to dance."

"You wanted to have a first dance so I got Ali to teach me. You make so many compromises for me, I wanted you to have this."

"This is how I know we'll be good married, you're so thoughtful and sweet, you go out of your comfort zone for me with out a second thought. I love you."

"I love you more my wife."

[pocketsizedquasar]

thoughts about jon, gender, n hair

aka i've literally wanted to write a fic centered around this concept for like over two years but. well. anyway. i still might write the fic at some point but lord knows when that'll happen so in the meantime here are my jon jarchivist headcanons centered around hair and gender, ft. my personal flavor of jon: persian, w/ a white grandmother, n amab nonbinary transneutral/transfemme

⁃ jon's hair was always kept short as a kid. short hair was for boys, his grandmother had said, and besides, she didn't have the desire nor energy to learn how to care for his thick persian curls; the shorter they were, the less tangled and unruly, the better.

⁃ jon explored some more fem/gnc presentation in college, some of which included growing out his hair. he attributed it back then more to just the fact that he was exploring his queerness (in a bi and ace sense) in general & that he spent a lot of time around georgie (also transfemme), and didn't really think about the actual gender accompanying it -- he wasn't actively thinking much about his own gender. questioning and coming to terms with his sexuality was already a lot.

⁃ but he liked the way his hair looked and felt long. he liked the quiet rebellion of it. he liked the way georgie ran her fingers through it. he liked how many different ways it could be worn long -- in ponytails and buns and braids and just loose down his back. he doesn't remember much of his mom, but he's seen in pictures her long, dark, curly hair, just like his now, and he likes the reminder.

⁃ he keeps it long after college, though upon getting hired as a researcher at the magnus institute, he has a bit of a crisis over whether or not to cut it, re: standards of white cishetero "professionalism" and decorum and masculinity, all of which he's doing his best to perform. maybe even early on in his research days he cuts it a bit and decides it makes him feel so bad (for some inexplicable reason) that he decides to just leave it long, though tidy and brushed and straightened and pulled high up into a tight bun so it looks neat and out of the way and functionally short anyway.

⁃ similar thing happens when he gets promoted to archivist. i personally like him deciding not to cut it here because i like him being allowed to keep one (1) thing, though i def understand other hc's where he does cut it short for S1 / being the archivist. he's still very much keeping it pulled up in a tight bun and out of the way, and removes anything else remotely feminine about his appearance -- earrings, more fem clothing, nailpolish, etc.

⁃ i read mossy's @coulson-is-an-avenger "shopping for gender in a british wal-mart" fic like 2.5 years ago and i still love it so much and it's still canon to me basically re: he tries a skirt Once to work at the sort of peak sweet point where he's settled in enough to feel comfortable trying to wear a skirt but not yet paranoid enough about Prentiss. sasha talks w him about gender and femininity and stuff, though he's not quite ready to confront it yet.

⁃ then prentiss/season 2 hits and he regresses again hard into self-defense mode; the performative masculinity goes Harder. his hair is still long but it's messy; thick curls and flyaway strands frizzing about his sleep deprived and paranoid face.

⁃ by the time s3 rolls around, everything else in his life has gone to shit, so mostly he's just like "fuck it" re: his presentation in general, including his gender presentation. there's also a sense of just.. "this it the one thing in my life I have control over," so he sort of starts just wearing whatever. even if he's not really acknowledging the actual gender feelings to himself. but his hair and his clothes are One thing he can control about himself, one thing the watcher can't really take away from him. so with s3-s4 it's like. yeah he feels like he's becoming less and less human and yeah he's being kidnapped once a month and yeah the world is going to end but at least he can wear a goddamn skirt.

⁃ i do think there's also an element of it too where, there's obvious anxiety and concern about him being a visibly brown and trans/gnc person in fucking London of all places, but as time goes on i do think there's a bit of like. even if i face violence for this what does it matter. i hardly leave the archives anyways, and even then, would that really be anything? in the face of everything else that's happened?

⁃ in the safehouse jon and martin (who to me is a trans man btw) talk about gender a bunch and Jon realizes they want to try using both he and they pronouns and maybe jon decides they want to do some more feminine things, want to try wearing skirts and maybe painting their nails again and martin braids flowers into their hair and things are good

⁃ and then season 5 and the apocalypse hits.

⁃ for the first little while in the safehouse jon's hair is still long. but before they leave, he cuts it, for several reasons -- first like, if keeping it long and presenting femininely was partially about control for Jon, this is them letting Go of that, of what he perceives to have just been an Illusion control. yeah it might make them a bit dysphoric but so what, my body was never mine tobegin with.

⁃ and i think he's also doing it as a mental preparation for leaving the cabin, after jon and martin have had the initial talk about eventually leaving. long hair is a liability; hair can get pulled on and tugged on when being kidnapped and grabbed at; hair can be drenched in shampoo and twisted by plastic hands; hair can be tangled and snag on the walls of a coffin; it can be full of dirt days and days later; hair is a hassle and a hazard and an illusion of control and above all it was a comfort to jon and this is no longer a world where you can trust comfort, martin.

⁃ martin walks in on jon in the bathroom staring at themself in the mirror with a pair of scissors. they ask martin to cut it for them. (martin gets a haircut too, in a show at solidarity and some levity. also undercut martin rights)

⁃ anyway, Somewhere Else Jon wears flowy dresses and grows his hair long and leaves lipstick stains on martin's face when they kiss and hikes his skirts up above his knees when they work in the garden and their hair is long and dark and thick and curly and he likes it; likes the way it looks and feels, the way martin runs his fingers through it, the way it reminds him of his mother and the way it makes him smile at the person they see standing in the mirror.

⁃ and it's good. it's really good.

[mixelation]

some of the reborn au stuff i was working on

context: tori has applied to an internal chunin promotion, and instead of just giving it to her, minato was like "nah, go do the next exam in kiri. it'll be good pr for konoha if you're in the tournament, which i want you to just win. oh, but do it using really obvious and flashy fuinjutsu. and don't melt anyone we don't want to seem scary. idk you should try to be, like, cool and charming for potential clients"

so tori has made herself EXTREMELY stressed over this because while everyone else in her life is like "yeah obviously tori could beat the shit out of any random genin" she habitually underestimates her self. what if there is a deidara or an itachi in the tournament. ever think of that???

anyway this is introducing the other konoha-nin involved

****

Tori arrived to her meeting spot near Konoha’s front gate with two minutes to spare, take-away latte in hand. The genin of Team 2 were already there, looking distinctly nervous. 

They are so small, Tori thought with some anxiety. What if the Kiri-nin metaphorically tried to eat them? Actual thirteen year olds were vicious things, but they were also delicate little babies. Would Tori have to save them? 

“Hey,” she greeted. “Team 2? I’m Tori, the other genin.” They stared at her, nonplussed. Oh no, they’re scared little babies, Tori thought with some trepidation. “Er– where is your sensei?”

“We just got word he has meningitis,” the girl of the team said, sounding upset. She had the cute round face and the orangey-red hair of an Akimichi, flowing over her shoulders in two braids. “The messenger said someone else would be assigned.”

Tori squinted at her. Okay, yeah, that sounded… bad. 

“Viral or bacterial?” Tori asked. All three genin stared blankly back at her. Had she slipped up? They had different and fewer pathogens here. Maybe they only had one type…?

Oh, no, maybe thirteen year olds just didn’t know the difference.

Tori had no idea how one recruited a Jounin for a mission this long, this last second. In theory Minato could command ninja to do whatever he wanted, but he also seemed to operate under the policy that better treated ninja got him better results. There weren't a lot of people who would just be okay with being told one morning they’d be in Kiri for over a month, plus travel time in both directions. She imagined they were about to be set up with some sort of weirdo from ANBU.  

They only had to wait another fifteen minutes for their replacement Jounin. 

Oh my God, Tori thought as she stared at him.

“I’m Uchiha Shisui!” Shisui aimed his introduction at the team of thirteen year olds. He beamed at them, flashing his teeth. Compared to the little genin, he looked more like an adult than a gangly teen. “I’m looking forward to getting to know all of you. Let’s all get along.”

He took a moment to eye Tori’s latte with what she assumed was regular Uchiha judgment. She tightened her grip on it. She needed this latte, okay? Lattes were the only thing keeping her sane nowadays. 

The kunoichi of the genin team was blushing as she stared shyly back at Shisui. Tori felt tempted to pick her up and shake her. 

“Why don’t you all introduce yourselves before we head out?” Shisui said. “Because this is so last minute, I didn’t get a chance to brief myself on any of your backgrounds. Have any of you run missions outside Fire Country before?”

Tori knew this question was aimed at the actual children, because Shisui obviously knew all about Team 4’s missions and where she’d grown up via Itachi. The wording that he assumed they all hadn’t still made her hackles rise. 

Team 2 hadn’t ever been out of the country for a mission, it turned out. Akimichi Himi, the blushing kunoichi, said she’d gone on a month-long trip with her parents last year to research cuisines in Rice Country. 

“That’s super cool, Himi-chan,” Tori said, perhaps too loudly and quickly. God knew Shisui wasn’t good at not dismissing the incredibly interesting and rich lives of young ladies. 

Himi looked at her like she wasn’t sure why she was talking. Tori shut her mouth.

The two boys on the team were Kato Tetsuro and Uchiha Shouten. Shouten also seemed flustered to be speaking with Shisui. Tori had no idea why. Weren’t they cousins?

“I’m Tori,” Tori said when her turn came. “I’ve been outside of Fire Country before. Um, let’s see, I’m running solo because my genin teammates were already promoted. I already took the exam once, so I’m happy to answer questions about it.”

“But you failed?” Shouten asked, raising his head to eye her in incredible judgment. 

Is every Uchiha an asshole? Tori wondered. 

“Failing a chunin exam is sometimes more about politics than a ninja’s quality,” Shisui said smoothly. Well, at least he wasn’t condescending every time he opened his mouth. 

“Is everyone ready to head out?” Shisui asked. “Don’t worry. We can take this trip slow and steady. I want you guys to tell me more about yourselves.” 

And slow and steady they did take it, walking out of the village at a casual pace and then keeping that pace up for the rest of the day. Itachi would be having a meltdown. 

Shisui quizzed them on their specialties as they walked, since he’d been filling in as their mentor for the exam. His attentions were focused more on the young genin team, which Tori didn’t mind. He spoke to them like they were about eight, and if he used that tone on her, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to keep her tongue in check. 

When they breaked to make camp, Shisui went off on his own to scout the area. Himi immediately turned to Shouten. 

“Oh my gosh,” she gushed. “Shouten, your cousin is a total hottie.”

Shouten rolled his eyes. “He’s out of your league, Himi-chan,” he said. “Shisui-san is a genius. He’s one of the most decorated ninja in the clan, and he’s only seventeen.”

And too old for you! Tori nearly yelled at Himi. She knew it was normal for a kid to crush on older people, but… but!

“Do you think he could help you awaken your sharingan?” Tetsuro asked, and Shouten’s cheeks went red. 

“Never mind that!” Himi said. “Quick, tell me everything you know about Shisui-san. What are his favorite foods? The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, duh! Does he like girls with long hair or short?”

“I don’t know him that well,” Shouten griped, stretching his legs out in front of him. His face remained red. “The Uchiha clan is pretty big, and we’re not closely related. Plus, he’s like super famous. He’s the only one Itachi-sama ever hangs out with. He’s that good.”

What the hell is happening? Tori wondered as Tetsuro leaned back on his hands and started to wonder out loud what kind of training they could get from such a prestigious shinobi that the Uchiha Itachi would deign to be buddies with him. How do these random children know so much about Itachi?

“Oh yeah!” Himi said, turning to Tori. “Aren’t you the same age as Uchiha Itachi? Were you in his class?”

“Uh,” Tori said. 

“Why would she remember?” Shouten cut in. “He graduated in four months.”

“Really?” Tori asked, surprised. She thought he’d been in there a whole year… 

“Do you really not know?” Shisui asked, suddenly appearing behind her. Then he said, in a decidedly more authoritative voice than he’d used so far that day,  “Did none of you make any moves to set up camp?”

The conversation switched to splitting up tasks. Team 2 obviously already had their own system, and while Tori would usually be happy to just sit back and watch other people work, she felt self-conscious about doing it on their first night in front of Shisui. She was pretty sure Shisui saw her as full of herself and overconfident, and she wouldn’t give him more support for that theory. 

She ended up prepping ingredients for dinner under Himi’s command. She didn’t know how she ended up being bossed around by a little thirteen year old, but… well, what was she going to do? Tell an Akimichi how to cook? 

Over dinner, Shisui turned to Tori and asked, “How’s R&D?”

Tori was surprised that he’d both known her current station and also cared enough to ask. Did… did Itachi talk about her? She felt a flash of warmth at the idea. 

“It was a bit of an adjustment,” she said slowly, acutely aware of Team 2 also listening in. She wouldn’t go into why it was an adjustment, not with Shouten staring between her and Shisui that intently. “I’m going for promotion with the hopes of heading my own projects, actually.”

Shisui frowned slightly. “You couldn’t just get an internal promotion? Your mission record has got to be strong enough that you’d get one no problem.”

Shouten’s look was intensifying as he tried to unravel the conversation they were having. Shisui’s posture stayed loose and casual, like Shouten didn’t look like he was attempting to awaken his sharingan as he spoke. 

“I applied, but… um, Hokage-sama told me to do this instead,” Tori said. 

“Ah,” Shisui said, like that made total sense. “Yeah, okay. I thought it was weird he’d be taking you off R&D for a whole month…” Shisui suddenly straightened, flashing a smile at the rest of the genin. “The chunin exam is only a month-long commitment if you make it to the final stage. It’s no big deal if you don’t! Like I said, politics are a big part of these exams. Even your little hero Itachi failed his first exam.”

“No way,” Shouten exhaled. 

“Yep,” Shisui said with a wink. “By the way, Himi, this is really good.”

Himi preened. Tori considered tossing her dinner in Shisui’s face. She didn’t think Shisui was a slimeball who’d purposefully encourage a kid’s crush on him on, but also–!

The after-dinner talk turned into the other genin quizzing Shisui on missions he’d been on, and who the coolest ninja he’d worked with were. Shisui was incredibly vague in most of his answers, as ANBU missions tended to be super classified, but he had no problem dropping a handful of famous names, seemingly just to see the genin’s faces light up. ANBU operatives had tears of anonymity; basically everyone knew who Hatake Kakashi was and that he was a captain, for example. 

“Itachi is like a legend,” Himi babbled. “He’s two years above us, so he graduated before we started, but all the senior students talked about him.”

Shouten glared at his sandals as she talked, clearly… jealous, or something. Poor kid. 

“Oh yeah,” Shisui said, turning to Tori, who’s mostly been sitting out of this conversation. “How did you of all people not know Itachi graduated early?”

“Look, I knew he graduated early,” Tori said. “I just didn’t realize how early. Four months, seriously? You’re lucky he knows how to read.”

Apparently this was a disrespectful thing to say, as Team 2 all looked stricken and then turned to Shisui with wide eyes. Shisui just laughed good naturedly. 

“‘You of all people’….?” Himi repeated. Then she brightened. “Tori, are you a fan of Itachi?”

The tiniest smirk crossed Shisui’s lips.

“Yes,” he said. “The biggest fan.”

Fuck you, Tori thought. 

xXx

Tori did not bother to correct anyone on their assumptions about her and Itachi, mostly because she predicted that would turn the ten day trip even more awkward. Tori did not like the idea of anyone being impressed with her social connections, rather than Tori’s own accomplishments. She kept her mouth shut on her genin team. 

Himi did very smugly ask Tori for her crush list more than once. They were– technically– physically Himi was only a year younger than her. This would be a normal way to bond. But it also made Tori low-key want to scream. 

(Tori almost said Kakashi as a way to make Himi stop asking. He seemed like a normal target for a ninja celebrity crush, and she knew enough about him to have a conversation. But also, if that ever somehow got back to him, she would actually die.)

“How is Deidara not famous?” she did mutter to Shisui one evening while they were washing out cooking ware together. 

“I think they’re probably too young to be paying attention to the really interesting gossip,” Shisui replied. “Maybe you should hype him up. I’ll back you up that you’re a huge fangirl–”

Tori splashed water at him. “Oi!” she said. “Why did you even do that?”

Shisui flipped a pot over, pouring water back into the stream they were sitting on. 

“I thought you might not like them losing their minds,” he said. “I figured– like, if you didn’t like it, you could have just corrected me.”

This was… true. She did prefer it this way, if they had to talk about Itachi. But also: she still didn’t like it. 

“How is the entire world obsessed with him?” she wondered. 

“Beats me,” Shisui replied. 

They made it to Kiri midday of day ten, right on time. Kiri was surrounded by a thick, blue-gray stone wall. The individual stones were not uniformly cut, yet every irregular angle and nook fit perfectly into the neighboring stone. It was impressive. 

There was a guard outside the main gate, specifically for the Chunin Exam. Shisui chatted with her briefly and handed over their papers. Someone was called in to lead them to their accommodations, and while they waited for their tour guide, the guard lectured them on their rules of conduct for the stay. 

It was better than the rules they were given in Iwa. They could actually look around parts of the village, and they were getting an actual hotel room instead of abandoned dorms. No one patted them down for contraband. Shisui was handed a stack of food vouchers, good at any restaurant. 

Then something happened that Tori should have anticipated, but had been so stressed over other things that she hadn’t given it much thought. Kisame showed up to be their guide. 

“Really?” the guard asked, eyeing Kisame up and down dubiously. “Don’t they have better things for you to be doing?”

Kisame smiled, all friendly but showing off pointed teeth. Shisui straightened up, and the other genin shuffled nervously. Tori had no idea if a genin would recognize Kisame, but they’d definitely recognize he was a giant blue shark man. 

“I volunteered,” Kisame said. “I’ve met one of the entrants before. I was curious.”

Shisui’s eyes immediately shot to Tori, almost accusing. 

Oh, they really didn’t brief you, huh, Tori thought. She attempted to communicate this at him with her face. 

“Well, whatever,” the guard was saying. “Konoha, this is Hoshigaki Kisame. He’s one of our Seven Swordsmen. Be polite, or he’ll eat you.”

Team 2’s collective faces went pale, and Kisame laughed. 

He led them into the village, and Shisui stepped forward to lead the Konoha genin, walking at Kisame’s side. He introduced himself to Kisame, making small talk as they walked. Tori watched them, wondering how much Itachi had talked about Shisui to Kisame, before. Kisame was usually pretty easy to read, but he was also habitually polite. It was difficult to tell if he was being friendlier with Shisui than he would anyone else. 

“Iwa was an… interesting experience,” Kisame was saying, and then turned his head to flash his teeth at Tori over his shoulder. 

“Extremely interesting,” Tori agreed. “I hope this exam is comparatively boring.”

“With you here?” Kisame teased, and Tori felt her face go hot. 

“I’ll have you know that I’ve been explicitly ordered to be peppy,” she replied. 

“Peppy?” Shisui repeated, dubious. This was clearly news to him. 

“Are any other entrants here yet?” Tori asked, directing the conversation away from herself. 

“You’re on the earlier side,” Kisame replied, and then he made her work to get as much info on other teams as she could out of him. 

Kisame pointed out their hotel, and then took them on a walk around the surrounding neighborhoods they were allowed to wander freely. It was, as far as Tori could tell, a largely civilian part of town. But it was pretty and comfortable, she thought; she’d always liked all the greenery and little canals Kiri had running through it. The mood of the people they saw on the street was overall happier than when she’d last been here, eyes following them more with curiosity than disdain. Kisame had done a good job saving his village from civil war. 

The outskirts of the perimeter had some training grounds they were allowed to use, as they’d arrived two days before the start of the exam. 

Finally, Kisame said, “And then… well, technically it’s not inside the perimeter, but I could still show you…” 

Kisame had been largely directing his tour guide speech to Shisui, but now he turned to Tori, grinning down at her knowingly. 

“Have any of you genin been to a beach?” 

****

for anyone of you who picked up the moral inconsistency between tori being annoyed at shisui for potentially (though not intentionally) encouraging himi's crush and her own treatment of mangetsu....... yes <3

[heejayy]

JJK || Finding your toys

Warning: 18+, MDNI!, dirty language, degradation

Characters: Megumi, Geto, Gojo, x black fem!reader

Synopsis: their reactions to finding your sex toys.

a/n: I’m finally back! 😅

Megumi <3

Megumi didn’t mean to find your vibrator it just happened. He noticed he forgot his charger at home and asked you for one, absentmindedly you told him to check your nightstand beside your bed forgetting to specify which one. When Megumi opened it he didn’t expect to see your blue dual vibrator. He stood there shocked, cheeks flushed and sweaty palms. Even though you two have had sex on multiple occasions he’s never really thought about you playing with your self and now that he has it sort of triggers something in him making him twitch in his pants. Flustered Megumi stood there conflicted on whether he should look for the charger or just close the drawer, but before he could make a decision you walked in.

“Hey babe did you find it- shit not that drawer!” You panicked running over to slam the drawer shut. You let out a nervous chuckle with your eyes darting around the room to avoid his stare. He hungrily stares you up and down like an animal hunting its prey, he knew what he was doing. You felt trapped shifting your weight from one leg to another. You cleared your throat and he seemed to snap out of his trance “ uh it’s ok, it’s normal everyone umm…” he cleared his throat scratching the back of his neck thinking of the right wording“pleasures themself?”

You let out a chuckle slowly closing the drawer “yeah- well let me get that charger for you” you scurried to the other side of the bed opening the other night stand and grabbed the charger.

“Here” he smiled, thanking you. “You know…maybe we could use it tonight? Try something different?” He suggested “Megumi!”

“What! you obviously use it when I’m not around” he retorted shrugging, earning him a slap on his arm.

Geto <3

He knew you owned a variety of toys given the fact that you were a cam girl. You have some you bought and some that were gifts from various adult shops wanting you to promote their product. Geto is not a controlling or jealous man so when you told him about your side hustle he found it hot and he supported you, but he never really saw your pleasure collection until now. He was looking for one of his kimonos that you might’ve stolen from him in your closet. He pushed back some of your clothes to find a pink storage trunk decorated in pearls, he figured he knew what it was without having to open it so he grabbed his kimono and started to leave the closet when curiosity got the best of him.

He immediately turned back around and opened the trunk, his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. Every one of your toys were neatly placed in their respective box and even colored coded. He picked up a tan realistic looking 7 inch silicone dildo, he turned the box around examining it and let out a deep chuckle. “You naughty girl.”

After placing everything back he left the closet turning off the light, but not without leaving with a remote control vibrator in his pocket. He was definitely making you wear it when you two go out tonight.

Gojo <3

The man is just nosy ok? So when you drunkenly mentioned you had a few toys back at your apartment, best believe he went looking for them. When he finally found it he gasped like a kid seeing their parents nudes for the first time. “Ahhh!” He screeched, grabbing it running to the living room where you were watching TV.

“what are you- GOJO PUT THAT BACK!!” You jumped off the couch reaching for it but he held it in the air using his height against you.

“You're a dirty dirty girl, you know that?” he smirked, snaking his free hand around your waist pulling you closer to him. He lowered himself down to your ear and licked it sending shivers down your spine “I bet you have so much fun with this don't you?” His voice dropped from its normal cheerful tone to his deep sexy bedroom voice. The voice his uses when he’s fucking you nice and slow. “Do you cream all over it like you do me? Do you scream my name when you're ramming it in your pretty little pussy? Huh? Answer me you little slut!” You gulped letting your words get caught in your throat “I- i um.”

He rolled his eyes “use your fucking words pretty girl” he stroked your cheek making his way to your hair to give it a firm yank. “Yes! I- I call your name when I’m riding a-and I do cream on it, making a mess that only should be made for you” he smirked sitting the toy down. He loves when you slip into your subspace leaving you dumb and vulnerable for him to use to his advantage.

“Then show me.”

JJK Masterlist

©heejayy 2022 — any reposts or translations of my works are strictly prohibited unless granted permission.

[lizhly-writes]

laying facedown on the couch. au where kim dokja's dad realize he's being a terrible human being and 1) gets sober 2) actually makes an attempt at parenting.

that's too early of a change. kim dokja grows up with two present parents and a far more emotionally healthy childhood than his canon self. imagine that! a childhood where neither of your parents were murderers; a childhood where you were never called a son of a murderer; a childhood with no murders involved at all, not even your own.

there's no reason to find any ways to survive a ruined world if your world was never ruined, you see?

at this point... that's a completely different character, isn't it?

kim dokja was his mother's child, and in his childhood, he learned from her example.

here, this is how you read a book. here, this is how you show love. see, it's fine, sweetheart. It doesn't matter what happens to me as long as the people i love are fine. i know it hurts, but that's love. this is the only way i know how to love at all.

it's true that i haven't read this story in a while. i've forgotten some things by now. still, i think he learned the art of self-sacrifice from her.

it's that tragic backstory he's got. there are some characters whose every action bears the shape of their past. that's kim dokja. what is he without tragedy?

his father never dies. his mother never leaves him alone. this is a different sort of love than he should have learned. he grows up decently liked and decently treated. an average korean man, by all standards. it never, ever occurs to him that he should protect people he loves by throwing himself headfirst into the fire.

picture this: two identical men turn twenty-eight. the first man has at least two messages from his parents congratulating him and perhaps mentioning going out for a birthday dinner, and possibly some friends he made in high school. the second man doesn't have any messages from a real person at all, because no one has fucking bothered to remember his birthday except for those automated "get a free <item> on your birthday!" promotion deals.

come on. there might be some nuance there, but it's not hard to decide who's living the happier life.

knowing this, you have to wonder: why?

in some alternate timeline, kim dokja has a much more well-adjusted life. why is that? why was it that this kim dokja's father decided to sober up, for once? what changed?

it's hard to say whether that timeline is better than what actually occurred. without his mother's example guiding him, without the lessons beaten into him as a teenager, would kim dokja have reached the end to the story he'd wanted? would it still be worth it after everything was over?

still, you have to wonder: why was it that timeline and not this one? "why was it you and not me?"

you can come up with a thousand reasons, driving yourself mad trying to figure out why. did your father love you more there? were you a better child in that world? somehow, were you more worthy of happiness?

...that's enough.

kim dokja lives a happy, normal life. you don't need to see anymore. this isn't a timeline you need to watch. doing so makes you... unhappy isn't the word.

whatever. it doesn't matter. let those windows flicker off and away, glimpsing into some other possible past and future -- this is only one worldline out of many. it's not even one you need to watch. it's unimportant. it's not the story that you loved - love -- so much.

go on. forget about it. you've forgotten so much already. one more story doesn't make a difference.

that kim dokja could never be you.

[goldrosh]

in the last sugar rush post from 2023, @accio-victuuri asked us to list our top 5 cpns from last year but since I'm late I thought on doing a post. thank you for those recopilatory monthly posts, btw! they're very helpful and when you read them you also relive those beautiful moments. and overall for always keeping us updated about everything going on with our boys.

so here's my top 5 cpns from 2023

the inner mongolia saga: I decided to call it like that for everthing that happened from the moment xz went to film there. it started with yb's first selfie of 2023 and all the clowning about him perhaps visiting the loch set, the infamous black cloth, all the speculation about him owning a leica camera, the confirmation of him owning a leica camera, xz's birthday post that also had him posing with a leica camera, the camping pic, and everything culminating with yb's own pics taken in inner mongolia. honestly, september and october were such busy months to being a clown, I love how everything just developed little by little and fell like pieces of a puzzle.

the suspicious change on xz's filming schedule: when ybo reported that yb won't be able to participate in the star of the one and only promo period, everyone got worried, since when yb takes days off while sick? the next day tho, some reports came in; after days of going to film at a certain early time, xz was going a little bit late. "interesting" said every turtle in the world, "let's see how this continues". and boy, it did continue, casually until yb's recovery. a happy coincidence.

anniversary?: when we all thought nothing was toping the inner mongolia saga, november 19 happened. and to think everything started very innocently with yb updating his douyin and then everything scalating into the possibility of them sorting out the seriousness of their relationship one november 19... I honestly loved how everyone started to bring up years of clues and how it just made sense.

wedding outfit: this one is very self explanatory, their weinbo night outfits that strangely looked like wedding outfit. I would have loved to see them both walking out the red carpet but we all know how weinbo loves to self sabotage I mean I enjoy when they do that but not that night! I like to think that the reason why they chose those outfits is because their first weinbo night is also called "divorce night" and, after years of not attending the same event, they wanted to give us a wedding night. yes, I am that much of a clown, thank you.

ybo's birthday post: this one hit me so hard that I still tear up whenever I read "yb, the sunset is very beautiful". to most, that post it's just a very well written birthday wish, but if you're like me and believe xz wrote it then knowing that these two boys love each other so deeply is reason enough to warm your heart. "time does not have a pause button, yet you seem to hold the password for the occasional pauses in the world". cry with me 🥲

honorific mention to: THE hat (yb made it hard to ignore lmao), everything is lovely and its promo (at first I wasn't trying to read too much into the colors that were used to promote the ep but then the bone necklace appeared and changed my mind), mysterious driver (just so you all know I'm totally sold on this) and overall this year that seemed to have them together for longer periods of time.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

do you have any advice about boycotting? I have been trying to follow bds but people online are always calling for boycotts and saying people are supporting genocide for bot boycotting xyz and Im having a lot of anxiety about it. Obviously feelings arent more important than not supporting a genocide etc

There's a bit of discussion of boycotts at the moment, so it seemed like a good time to finally respond. I do have advice - very simple and strong advice. The point of a boycott isn't individual moral purity, it's using collective power.

The starting point for building collective power has to be people resisting oppression. Just like a strike can only be called by the workers, a legitimate boycott can only be called by those who are resisting oppression.

For the last 20 years, a coalition that crosses Palestinian society has called for Boycott, Disinvestment and Sanctions. I follow what they say - I don't give a shit about what people online are saying. They are very clear about their strategy - and the important of strategic boycotts. There are some global targets, and then other targets are organised locally - the link above includes information about how to find out what the local calls are.

I believe there is a strong moral and political imperative to observe BDS. I hope that the clear direction and the short list will help with your anxiety.

I think it's really important to understand that there's a principle here - it's not just about BDS. When offering solidarity, you start with what organised groups resisting oppression have asked for. Don't listen, or get stressed out about what random strangers have said.

******

There is, I think, another point, which is just as important. People who are going around making up targets are actively harming the Palestinian Liberation struggle. There are two messages I hope people get from this post - the first is that the starting point of meaningful solidarity is what people collectively resisting oppression are asking for. The second is that the sort of mouthing off online that is stressing you out is actively doing harm - and anyone who wants to do meaningful political work - has to stop pretending that indulging in self-righteous and reactionary social media posting has anything to do with meaningful political work.

There are two reasons that people who make up things they think other people should do actively does harm. One is that it undermines the ability to build power by substituting an individual's voice, for the collective voice of people resisting oppression. Substituting individualism for collectivism is guaranteed to weaken movements

The second is the behaviour you describe is coming from the more reactive parts of our psyche. Politics is about building power through coalitions. When people try and prove they're right and other people are wrong they are letting the anxiety processes of our brains take control - and substituting our most reactionary selves for meaningful political organising - then they're actively getting in the way of building power.

The fact that you're feeling anxious isn't an accident - it's a direct result of other people's choices to act from the reactionary and anxiety part of their pscyhe. If one person is acting from their own anxiety - it absolutely does promote anxiety in others. Good political work comes from building power and coalitions - which involves strengthening relationships - none of which are done best from a position of anxiety (you'll probably be anxious at times, when doing political work - that's really normal. But that's different from anxiety being at the centre of the political work).

I think one of the biggest problems of social media's impact on our ability to organise - is that it's very easy for people who are reacting entirely individualistically, from the reactionary parts of their psyche, guided by their anxiety, to persuade themselves that they're doing collective organising - when they're actually doing the opposite.

I'm sorry you're feeling really anxious. I think it would really help to turn around what you think you're doing. You frame this as not supporting genocide - but that's probably not an option. The political and economic system you are living in supports genocide, and if you imagine you can opt out of that you're setting yourself up to fail. If instead of trying to do the impossible - you focus on acting in solidarity with people collectively resisting their oppression - then it should both be less stressful and more effective. The requests are clear and simple - and you can and should do them.

[tenyearsoftrash]

Ten Years of HTP: A Celebration

Hi all, I (@eatingcroutons) set up this blog with all sorts of intentions about preparation and promotion and then Life Things Happened, but I'm still hoping to go forward with the idea of encouraging some nostalgia and memory-sharing about the last ten years of the HYDRA Trash Party.

The aim here is to be more of a celebration of community rather than your typical prompt fest - if you're looking for prompts for fanworks you might want to check out the @catws-anniversary that has just kicked off and will run until the 4th of April, or of course refer back to the Trash Meme itself!

So for this blog's purposes, feel free to post informal thoughts and musings and ramblings, and to comment on each other's memories - this is all about our shared history and nostalgia, and the idea is for it to be an open dialogue and celebration of community. A few points on logistics:

Anonymous asks and submission are open on this blog if you'd prefer not to participate under a named account. We all know how hostile certain corners of fandom have become to darkfic and adjacent content.

For all the themes below self-recs are also very welcome, if you want a chance to show off something you made years ago that hasn't gotten much attention in a while!

Go ahead and tag this blog at @tenyearsoftrash for a reblog of anything you post about the below themes!

All that said, here are some suggested themes and ideas to get you thinking and reminiscing:

April 4: Rewatch CA:TWS!

Take yourself right back to where it all began! With too many people across too many timezones we're not going to even try to organise a massive synchronised groupwatch, but maybe you could get a few of your old-school HTP buddies together to do a smaller one? In any case: fire up the movie, relive all the feels, and share any HTP-related thoughts that come (back) to mind after all these years!

April 5: Fanwork Recs

Go back and dig up some links to your favourite HTP fanworks - whether big or small, well-known or niche, what are the works that have really rewritten your brain chemistry, and stuck with you all this time? What was it about them that hit just the right spot? Feel free to share your thoughts on Tumblr - and to go back and drop a nostalgic comment on anything on AO3 😉

April 7: Meta Recs

Over the years there's been a lot of meta associated with HTP, from discussions of what CA:TWS and HYDRA represent in a broader social context, to endless back-and-forth about darkfic's place in fandom. Are there any posts that really made you think, or that remain relevant even now? Is there anything that came out of those meta discussions that has turned out to be particularly prescient, in hindsight?

April 8: HTP Fanon

What are your favourite bits of shared or personal fanon around HTP and its related concepts? Are there any Original Characters you're particularly fond of? Any particular tropes regarding characters or events that you will never get tired or bored of? Any ideas that might seem cracky on the surface but which you are totally into regardless?

April 8: Other Media/Fandoms

We've all had those moments where we've come across something in a new canon and immediately been like, "Oh, this is delicious trash bait," right? What other media has had a "Bucky Barnes Obediently Accepts The Bite Block" moment for you? What other characters might your fellow HTP friends enjoy as interesting targets for Trash Party Shenanigans? In what fandoms have you found yourself running into an awful lot of familiar HTP faces?

April 9: WIP Amnesty

Do you have any HTP fanworks that you never finished, or never got around to starting, for whatever reason? Now's your excuse to talk about them! Feel free to ramble about what your plans would have been, lament why they're never going to happen, or share some of those great ideas you never quite had time to plot out. Or, if you're feeling particularly inspired, go back and actually finish something off!

April 10: HTP Community Memories

To finish off the week let's talk about the community itself! What have been the good times, the interesting times, any times that have been personally significant to you, for any reason? What things have you experienced or shared or understood with or through or because of the HTP community? What new friends have you made over the years, and what old friends do you miss?

---

Apologies again for taking some time to getting around to making this post, but hopefully people will still be interested in doing some reminiscing!

[majimasleftasscheek]

Here’s a brain scratcher aniki, besides Kiryu and Kazuma-San what kind of parent would each of the main cast be. (Just the major players from the games IE protags and antags. You can include Ichiban’s party to!)

let's see...

Majima: good! but irresponsible parent. would spoil immensely, compensates for things he can't do or messes up. very open to whatever the kid wants/thinks but can be unintentionally harsh when scolding. promotes living to the fullest but will worry to the expense of his health when he can't be around to take care of things. will be overbearing with good intentions but suffocating.

Saejima: very nurturing and attentive but tough, a bit overbearing on the life lessons and shit like that. would leave a child to their own devices often to encourage individual growth and accepts failures well, very patient. would be hard to get a read on though normally, leaving a kid to guessing how he's feeling/doing, making his parenting feel a bit lonesome.

Nishiki: great with kids in a cool uncle sort of way. would be friends with his kids vs being their actual parent as he worries a lil too much about what they think of him. spoils them a lot, especially if it makes him look pretty great in front of others. doesn't handle problems very well and has only the basics of advice for a struggling child - would have to ask others what to do.

Ichiban: good parent but bumbling. would try his best to be a good dad but realistically good vibes and idealism isn't always enough. would rely on others for help with kids, especially if it's something he can't provide himself. would teach them to be kind and open minded, careful to not be too strict. would prolly relate the most to kids, being a child at heart himself though his personality would make it seem like he's not taking things seriously.

Ryuji: would raise a kid to be just like himself, brutish and confident. the type to be like, let's go to the junkyard and smash car windows for fun. values traits that align with his own like strength and a strong will - would be disappointed in anything he'd deem too whimsical. would think it's funny if his kid rebelled against them and teach them the hard way that it wouldn't fly but also encourage them to keep trying to be their own person anyway.

Daigo: would be a good parent to the best of his ability, compensating for his own experiences (Dojima lol). very patient and a good listener, excels at consoling to where his kid would feel very comfy telling him anything. can be a bit too soft and unintentionally ignorant to underlying problems a child might have. a child might feel guilty towards him for his kindness and oppositely *not* want to dump their worries on him. sometimes plays too much a teacher than a parent.

Mine: no lmao actual answer: he'd suck ass. he'd be a tiger parent, strict and cold. growing up is about accomplishment and being self sufficient. if a kid wants his time, better schedule an appointment. would teach a kid the harsh realities of life whilst ignoring the good stuff to temper expectations. punishments are often harsh. doesn't really relate to his kid other than they both breathe and blink.

Akiyama: do I even gotta say it ksdlagjlds he would be *squint* alright at parenting in the same way it's alright to drink bleach. he's there and he exists but is irresponsible. can't be counted on to make important dates on time or remember things a kid needs. frequently has to ask for help (Hana). will 100% give a child secondhand smoke and be skeazy about the types of life lessons he'd not necessarily teach outright but would imply with his behavior.

Tanimura: I don't got much of a read on him tbh but being that he's got a gambling problem, I feel like that would have some play in childcare lol, that being he's prolly a bit inattentive until it comes to money. he's a bit skeavy so he would prolly turn a blind eye to his kid doing something wrong and enforces rules poorly. would at least instill good teachings to help others, tho how, would be sketchy.

Shinada: he'd do pretty well I think if he had a stable living situation. he's very passionate about his interests and would share that with his kid, and if the kid wants to do their own thing, he'd encourage following that too. being goofy, he'd be a fun dad. I'm prolly the only motherfucker on earth who ships him with Milky-chan so I think they'd do really well as parents who come from rough lives trying to make a better one for their kid.

Sagawa: including him cuz he's my fav villain. he defo seems the type to have a kid somewhere with an estranged partner who left him first. he's caring, in a sinister type of way, one that makes you feel like you're being manipulated but not sure enough to say. "he knows what's best" and would for sure turn a child against his partner. in an alternate sense, he could also lead a double life, being an actual decent person to his family but a dickhead on the side. very psychopathic.

[thewiz9062]

Smiling Critters AU: Dogday's Psyche

NOTE: THIS IS NOT RELATED TO CANON IN THE SLIGHTEST. An accurate description of this au is that I took every playtime.co poster art and promotional material from the game and lit up the rest of canon in a bonfire. Meaning that EVERY character is part of one big cartoon. Thats it. No bigger bodies project, no child souls, no experiments, just a depiction of a cartoon. PLEASE do not ask me to do anything suggestive with anyone.

OK I know it's been a while since I posted one of these but bear with me here this one was interesting to write

So dogday

In my other posts, I've already made him a constant in everyone's lives (as he's the main character) but I want to go into how he thinks because that explains alot of his actions and most importantly, his interactions with catnap.

Tldr, dogday is elation (que demoic giggling if you get the reference)

Now usually when you see a happy go lucky character you immediately go "they've either had the happiest childhood ever and are genuinely like this or they didn't and they're faking it" and that was gonna be my original assessment with dogday. But yk.....that's bland. So i decided to mix the two: pretty bad childhood but they're happy....unhealthily so. Hear me out here:

In my au, dogday was abandoned as a baby at a foster home. So they "raised him" (they just did just over the bare minimum, I don't wanna villianize the workers though because they did have like a bunch of other kids there as well, not excusing them of course) but he was mostly left to his own devices. Normally this would dampen a child's spirit but dogday is quite a fighter, finding joy or happiness wherever he could. Whether it be picture books or TV shows, he found a way to make himself happy. And All the media he knew subtly shunned sadness or anger or anything of the sort. So now all dogday knew was happiness, as anything else was 'bad' and needed to be fixed.

The people around him didn't help his mindset either. After interacting with the other kids there, they usually had some semblance of an uplift in mood for the rest of their day. It usually didn't last long, though, because while dogday lived there their entire life, the others were there due to...unfortunate circumstances. He also could notice how the workers felt like he was a breath of fresh air compared to the other children, who mostly needed consoling, while dogday was 'self-sufficient' (they try I swear they're just not good at it)

So all in all, after 13 years of this dogday... was in a very unique state of mind. If you want a simple explanation, then he has this mental limiter. Anything happy or can bring joy can stay, and any other thoughts get snuffed out immediately. So he's not faking happiness. In a way, he just doesn't know anything else. Present him a situation where someone is sad his first instinct is to cheer them up, and usually it works, but in the situation it doesn't, he'll pretty much blue-screen. Cuz after all, it's always worked before, what else does he know?

So enter catnap.

Catnap is essentially his foil, and his main purpose is to help him see the other side of things because sun and moon dynamic yk I had to do it

Someone like catnap won't be cheered up normally, catnaps sort of nihilistic when it comes to problems, believing nothing can be done about it, cause in his situation he had no control over what happened, so why try and fix what he can't, that's meaningless. So letting his emotions pass by and move on is his way of 'comfort' So dogday's attempts at cheering him up doesn't work, and as Dogday does in those situations, he blue-screens. Normally when dogday fails to cheer someone up and he visibly panics, they'll give him a smile or a laugh, and seeing that instantly fills dogday with relief, even though he doesn't see that it doesn't reach their eyes.

Catnap won't do that however, because of his own coping mechanism. So dogday will panic, quietly spiraling into thoughts like "why isn't it working, what do I do, how do I fix this" and catnap reads his face and tells him to stop, he just needs a moment. Dogday wouldn't understand, he's never seen sadness be good for someone.

And from there his learning journey begins (aka how to feel other things)

God I love making them mentally unstable

[wrongcaitlyn]

also, since i feel bad about making you guys wait so long and i'm also not 100% sure if i'll manage a chapter before sunday (will be trying, but it's been a whileDJSD) here's a snippet of what i've already written!

and a little update on the chapter, i've got like.. 1/6 of it done? ish? and i def could've written more earlier but instead i spent an hour planning and outlining one of nico's future music videos with @wronghuntress

it's a very cool mv and i am very proud of it and just like the details and aesthetics of the next few albums are ahghsldkjsldfj im so so excited for you guys to seee!! i feel like i should be making pinterest boards for these. but that's my brain derailing me again. i will do that over summer.

so!! snippet!!

They decide on the end of July for the rescheduled concerts. Partly because it gives Nico a little over two months to mentally prepare, partly because Will has a summer class in June so he’d be able to travel with them in July (along with Leo, who invited himself along too), and partly because it worked with Alex’s schedule.

Until then, though, there turns out to be a lot to get done.

Will’s rescheduled finals have been all finished by the end of May. Apollo has set up a series of job interviews for the three main people he’s decided they need—a publicist, a tour manager, and an assistant for him (that last one was pushed for by Nico, and then Will as well, and because Apollo isn’t able to resist their combined efforts, it worked)—throughout the last week of May and early June. The Archery World Championships are from the tenth to the sixteenth, in the Netherlands, and the entire family will be there to watch Kayla. 

From there on, it’s studio work, studio work, and more studio work throughout the rest of June. It’s a lot of therapy. It’s some secret project that Apollo keeps obviously working on, but is clearly attempting to hide the evidence of. Nico doesn’t know whether he should be concerned, but his eye bags have faded slightly, and he’s returned to styling his hair rather than throwing it up in a bun, so Nico thinks that’s a good sign.

The New York estate doesn’t have a proper studio—at least, not as good as Apollo’s house in LA. Still, it has the basics, including a mic, a computer with some audio editing software that Nico’s familiar with, and a keyboard, so while Will is studying and out taking his exams, Nico is there. 

For once, he feels like he doesn’t have much to write about the situation. It scares him for a bit when first walking into the studio, expecting to open his phone to an extensive list of depressing lyrics, only to find nothing.

He tells Mr. D that during their next therapy session. There’s no concrete answer, because Nico isn’t quite sure what exactly prompts him to spill out his thoughts in lyric form usually, but Mr. D had suggested the idea that instead of falling straight to the conclusion and having to sort out his thoughts, he was instead stuck in a sort of paralysis while Will was in the hospital, and then immediately talked out his feelings in person rather than on paper afterward.

Nico supposes that it makes sense. But that doesn’t stop him from rushing to the studio as soon as he’s sure Will won’t ‘accidentally’ overwork himself once left alone for over an hour—just to see if there really isn’t anything left to say.

It turns out, there is. There always is. But the songs that he writes now feel more self-deprecating and slightly relieved rather than the accusatory, grieving tones of the rest of the album. And besides, he thinks that he’s too close to a possible release date (or, at least, the beginning of the promotional singles process) to be planning an entirely new series of songs.

He still writes them, of course. They’ll just have to remain in lyric form, for now, though.

[autumnwhistles]

Last Life: The Unofficial Musical – help required?

As some people know, I'm working on making a musical version of Last Life! Throughout making the first song, some people have asked if there was any way to help, and after some thinking I've finally organised my thoughts. The roles I'd love some help with are below:

(The first song is here in case you want to know what style I'm going for, and there's more information about it in the pinned post on my profile.)

Subtitling – some people have already offered to help with this (thank you!). Self-explanatory, just adding the lyrics I've posted to Closed Captions at the right timestamps.

Promotion (ie on Twitter because I don't have an account and don't really want to get one tbh) – also self-explanatory, this would basically be reposting with permission to let it reach a wider audience.

Creative help – mainly helping to streamline the plot, as I feel right now there's a lot of it but not all of it is necessary, and also want to set more things up early on and give more people attention. This might work better as a group thing so ideas can bounce off multiple people – I was thinking of making a Discord server to discuss this?

Vocals and voice acting – if needed I can sing everything, but it would sound weird if everyone was me, and with dialogue (which there will be some of) it'd be even weirder. Especially for bigger voice/dialogue parts, acting and singing experience would be preferable (and for singing, specifically styles where you have to act through your singing eg musical theatre), and you should have a decent microphone to record it through. It doesn't have to be super fancy, just no device mic etc. If people are interested, they could tell me what type of singing they like to do/what range they have etc, and I'd probably ask to hear a recorded video clip (around 1 min, maybe more) of singing something as well*. With voice acting parts, it depends on how big it is – if it's bigger, it would be nice to hear some sort of clip (maybe I can send the dialogue when written) as well. The character doesn't have to have the same person singing and speaking for them (though they shouldn't sound completely different). Depending on how many people are interested, I might hold auditions via google forms (submitting something)?

Instrumentals – the sound engine I use is pretty good, so that would mainly be used for accompaniment, but for solos/parts where the instrument is in focus, actual playing would really enhance it. Instruments I can see being subject to this are the violin, viola, flute and oboe, but others may come up. This would generally be on a song-by-song basis though.

Possibly someone to help manage this, since I'm not used to organising bigger projects and I'm not too great on keeping everything organised.

I'll take care of composing, lyrics, production, and the singing for some characters (the number again depending on how many people are interested). I'll try to release more content/snippets as well so people (especially those involved in vocals) know more of what's going on.

(everyone involved will be credited obviously!)

*If you want to help with this but just by eg adding some vocals to the chorus part, this probably isn't necessary though!