#trying to remember how my hair is when its long is weird cause its been like a year since it was long now hgdhdbch

[riris-dock]

Muhfuckin uhhh hair thoughts

[kkenma666]

(방찬) bang chan.. my dear

gender neutral reader

angst w happy ending, messy break up, miscommunication

the door opened slowly, blonde hair peeking in. chan came home expecting to see you waiting for him on the couch as always but was instead greeted by a dark room and cold silence.

weird.. he thought to himself. maybe you were just tired and went to bed. yeah, like you would always do lately..

he can't lie, he missed you waiting for him on the couch, a blanket draped over your body as you tried your hardest to focus on whatever was playing on the tv.

the way that your sleepiness would instantly disappear the moment you saw him, you immediately springing from your laying positions to greet him with a warm hug.

in fact, he noticed how your hugs had become shorter as if you were forcing your arms to wrap around him. the warmth you used to radiate is now gone.

he also noticed how your kiss which was filled with love and passion was now nothing but a quick peck on his lips.

it can't be.. can it?

chan splashed his face with water, trying to rid himself off of the negative thoughts. it's normal for every relationship to have its ups and downs. this will only be a temporary obstacle in your relationship.

or so he thought.

lately, he's been forced to work overtime causing him to come home later than usual. his work also has been piling up, from one piece of paperwork to another.

chan let out a loud sigh as he shut the door closed, wanting nothing more than to lay in bed and sleep all day long.

he wasn't expecting you to be there waiting for him, yet a small part of him still expects you to be there waiting for him.

he walked through the cold hallway, his hands twitching to get hold of you in his arms. god, he missed your warmth.

yesterday you were suddenly so.. loving with him. his fear was proven wrong as he realized that maybe he was just being overdramatic.

you even gave him a sincere and long hug after weeks of seemingly insincere ones, spouting about how much you love him, to the moon and back.

however, he was shocked to not find you on the bed dozing off. weird.. its fine, you're probably just in the bathroom right? he stormed off to your shared bathroom to find you also not there.

where could you be?

he tries not to overthink, his hand immediately grabbing his phone to dial you up. maybe you just went to the nearby convenience store.

only for his fears to worsen when he saw how he had been blocked by you.

he immediately searched the whole house for you, just now noticing how most of your stuff is already gone. " no no no.. oh god. i fucked up. "

⊹₊⋆

the grandeur hall was filled with people with status and wealth. their clothing and their mannerisms already proved that they were a level above.

each of them all held their bidder number, hands itching to take home the next prize that was soon to come.

finally, a big painting rolled out, all eyes focused on it.

" ladies and gentlemen, this is out last item of the day. this is one of yn ln's precious new work! with this being the last one sold for this specific collection. "

the massive painting revealed an abstract drawing of two figures hugging, one's face was buried into the other's neck, with his broad shoulder facing the viewer.

you watched from the balcony above, swirling your champagne. a sad look in your eyes as you think back about the inspiration for the painting.

it was an abstract depiction of the last hug you and your past lover shared. he was also your very first and last lover.

the painting was mainly blue and white, to resemble the somber mood. though you added in a few golden touches.. a sense of hope that one day the two of you could start over.

after the breakup, you still very vividly remember how he asked you for one last hug before you went. he clung to you like a koala, knowing if he let go he would lose you.

you originally didn't intend to sell the painting, wanting to just let it rot in your studio. though you couldn't handle seeing that massive painting every time you were in your studio.

so you auctioned it off.

after that breakup you decided to move back to australia, opting to focus on your painting career and building a name for yourself.

and after blood, sweat, and tears here you are. wealthy scums all itching to buy your painting, no matter how overpriced it was.

you took a sip from your glass as you watched your favorite part, the bidding.

" 3.5 million! ", it started off strong.

" 5 million! " one chimed.

" 8 million! " another.

" 10 million! " and another.

today was a bit more competitive than the other days, every one of them determined to get that painting of yours.

the biddings went on till a woman bid 50 million. moments when on, no other bidders put up a fight as if they feigned defeat.

" 70 million. "

gasps and murmurs could be heard from around the room. you nearly spat your drink out when you heard that.

no way was someone willing to spend 70 million on a random painting that only you and maybe your ex would understand. unless..

" ..then it's sold to mr. christopher bahng for 70 million! "

applause filled the room but that was all muffled as you could only focus on the man down below. your mouth was agape as your champagne glass slowly started slipping from your hand.

after all these years you never expected to see him again. much less buying a painting about both of your tragic endings.

the sound of glass shattering shocked the audience as they all clutched their pearls in fear a thief broke in.

but soon they began clapping again once they saw you, the artist themself, standing above them with a shocked look.

you quickly composed yourself and tried to play along, giving courtesy to the crowd.

yet your eyes were locked onto one person only. the very man who bought your painting.

he also applauded you while giving you that same gentle smile he would always give to you.

you quickly exited the room, needing a breath of fresh air to refresh your cluttered mind. he was back in australia and had just purchased one of your pieces.

the very man you've been avoiding.

after all this year of you healing and focusing on yourself, just for him to show up again. but were you really healed?

your mind still wonder back to him no mater what. no matter how long time passed his face kept appearing in your head. the bittersweet memories of your relationship replaying like a broken record.

" ugh fuck. do i have to attend the after party with him in it..? "

⊹₊⋆

christopher banhg was the only thing on your mind that night.

you dreaded coming to the after-party in general. the thought of having to entertain thos rich snobs for hours on end just did not seem appealing at all. and add your ex into the mix and congrats, your head feels like it's about to burst open!

but you can't lie about how your heart beats faster whenever you think of meeting him. just the sheer thought of stumbling into him gets your heart racing and you dont know if its in a good way or the bad way.

you tugged on your clothing, sweat already starting to form from how nervous you were. you fixed your hair and fixed the makeup on your face.

you can't believe this.

you usually never really tried this hard when going to an after party but here you were. all dolled up just because your ex was here.

' it's okay. you're just doing this because someone paid 70 million for your work.. that's a pretty high price for something you originally wanted to throw away. '

a stuffed smile plastered on your face as you conversed with random people. the ladies' hands touching you all over without consent.

all you wanted to do was go home and lay in your bed. yet you know you can't go back because you haven't seen hum yet.

" today's auction was another successful one, yn! " you bowed your head in response. " of course. with loyal bidders like you all my works are bound to sell with a high price. " laughters was shared among the patrons from your comment.

" yes yes, we will loyally wait for your next bid. "

your cheeks were starting to hurt from straining a smile all night long, maybe he didn't even come to the after-party. maybe you were just delusional.

an all too familiar laughter was heard behind you.

your head spun around way too fast for your own liking.

your eyes intertwined with his after god knows how long. you took in his features and realized he looked all the same. the only thing that changed was his hair and how he looked older and somehow more attractive.

" oh mr bahng! i didn't take you for a bidder. especially on that would spend 70 million in a night alone. " one of the men spoke. he chuckled, his dimples showing while shrugging. " pocket change. "

you were standing before him and the rest of the group, the random ladies still latching onto you. you tried to take this chance as an escape.

you nudged their hands off of you, " well, i will get going now. still have others to entertain. " a nod of understanding were sent to you. you tried to rush past him, only for him to hold onto your wrist.

" a word with the artist? "

⊹₊⋆

you guided him to the second floor that's only accessible to you and some of your staff. you presented him with your favorite spot in there, the balcony.

it offers a breathtaking view of the night sky, with stars sprinkled in the dark blanket. below it was the city lighting up the night. further proving how the city doesn't sleep at night.

he stood behind you, gathering up what to say to you. you yourself didn't even know what to say to him. all those countless nights spent thinking about him just for you to not be able to look at him in the eyes.

" i see your career's going well.. i've always known you'd make it big. " a soft smirk crept up on your face. god he's still the same, isn't he?

" well look at you now mister big shot. " you finally had the courage to turn around to look at him in the eyes and oh, you might get lost in them. the breathtaking view of the night sky could never compete with his eyes.

bang chan stared at you in silence, his dimples poking through his milky white cheeks. he never forgot what you looked like since the day you left him, clinging onto whatever's left of you as if his life depended on it.

the two of you stared at each other, anticipating breath. both of you were twitching to ravage one another but you knew it was so so wrong, yet so tempting.

that is until you crashed your lips onto his, perfectly molding into his. it was as if it found its long-lost home again, so foreign yet so familiar.

his hands immediately found their way onto your waist, your hands snaking around his back and onto his neck. you gripped him as if he would disappear if you were to let go. who knows maybe he might.

time went by so slowly, as if the earth stopped spinning just for this moment alone.

you pulled back first, drowning yourself in oxygen. you didn't even know what to say to him, only holding him close as you breathed in his scent.

" i miss you, my dear. "

please read!!

so this might be my last kpop fic on this acc but idk yet since i still have one last one in my draft that i might post but here's a sneak peak to my writing for the new followers uwu

[bangtandreamland8]

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Thanks To Shiftblr I Notice a Big Change in Mind Set ♥

Just a little head up so u don't get confused instead of () to express my thoughts, feelings or opinions they will be colored in pink like this also purple is for information that was important to me and had some sort of effect on me in someway Hopefully that makes sense bc I'm bad at explaining things

when I first Stumbled Across Shiftblr I wanted To Get Away from all the toxic people on shifttok + I was also losing some interest in shifting witch caused a very long shifting break. That was UNTIL I Decided that one day to not go on shifttok again and look for information about shifting Somewhere Else and in my search, I came across Shiftblr and I was hit with a lot of Yelling the yelling was well deserved mainly about Not Caring about the 3D The only important 4D is our real reality because we are imagination and Also How we are always shifting also persisting. Sorry if it doesn't make sense, I was trying to summaries what I have been learning on here One Major change I noticed was 4 days ago I did my first Shifting attempt after a very long break because I just randomly started thinking about My BTS Reality It was A random Scenario That I had Scripted So I thought I was do a sleep method, But I ended Up Falling asleep, But I noticed feeling a little happy when I woke up even though I fell asleep during my method I remember saying to myself "Its Okey That I fell asleep Bc I still shifted" after I told myself that there was a part of me that Did Believed that I Shifted But a small part of me that Didn't But I decided not to focus too much on that side of me this was a big difference bc I would normally just throw a fit about me falling asleep while I was trying to shift Or Would look at the steps to the method I did to see if I did anything wrong. but instead, I just said I still shifted and went on with the rest of my day Evan Tho there was still that small part of me that didn't believe what I had said was true I just thought that I had Shifted But because there was that other part of me that believed that I had shifted, and I was in my Dr so I just decided to Listen To that part Of Me Instead of thinking I Didn't shift and whining and complain about it so, I just got out of bed and went on with my day and that was it. Another thing I learned from being on tumbler is loa And Manifestations in general one thing I learn is that the 4D is our real reality So why should we care about what we see in the 3D and as long as we accept the fact that we have everything we want in the 4D then we don't have to worry about the 3D bc the 3D Is not Our Ture reality this how my brain took that information from different post on here also, something else that I kept in mind was that we are Imagination we are nothing but Imagination. I'm goanna admit that this was hard for me to grasp at first bc I now realize I might have been overthinking it a little. but when I first started reading those post I was always saying to myself "how am imagination when people would say how bad it was for me to have a big imagination when I was younger" I was one of those kids who had an overactive imagination, and I also had family member who though that it was weird But besides I later thought that well if this person is telling me that I am Imagination then why would they lie. so, for a couple of days I would randomly say to myself " I'm Imagination" and to be honest I don't know why I just for some reason felt that I needed to remind myself that I am imagination and I think it worked in some way bc I was trying to manifest some money, and I went to the job my mom helps me get cleaning the doctor office that she worked at before I started, I closed my eyes and told myself I would do a really good job and make a good imprecation and the day that I actually started the lady who haired me for the job kept giving me complement's and I was supposed to get paid by the end of the week but she paid me on the spot also on Friday she gave me extra cash my mom said it was because she like me and she was goanna have me come back every day when she on vacation since she also helps cleans the office

So, with that being said I was and will forever be Grateful for shiftblr and that one post with the person who yelled at me in a post also shook me I think I reblog that post not sure I'll probably go looking for it and ill added to this post or my introduction post but i strongly believe that if i didn't decide to leave shifttok then i would probably have woken up in this reality complaining about how i didn't shift or thinking i was doing a method wrong But now Im more focused on what i do/have in the 4D thank you for coming to my Journal entry

Also, from now on I'll be treated this blog as a journal because it kind of felt like that while I was writing this

oh, and thank you for being here on my journey

[xoxo-surfergirl]

A Very Targaryen Holiday - Dark!Aemond x Strong!Niece

Part I

summary: Lucera and Aemond reunite with their families to spend the holidays together. Aemond wasn’t always nice to her when he was younger, but has he changed?

notes: the main pairing in this is aemond x strong niece, but I guess I did write it as aemond x fem!lucerys velaryon. Whichever floats your boat more! aemond is not the nicest in this, but this fic is a mix of fluff and smut (but none of the fluff comes from aemond, lol). Slight dubcon, rough oral sex, and attempts at humor. There are no physical descriptions of Lucera besides her having long hair. There is a second part, which I will be posting soon. I cross post on ao3, with essentially the same username (just without the hypen) xoxosurfergirl! I hope you enjoy!!!! <3

Lucera took a deep inhale, followed by a deep exhale. Indulging in her breath usually helped whenever her nerves began to get the best of her. Her suitcase was cracked open in front of her, waiting for her to stuff it.

A few fancy dresses. A few long sleeves—it could get cold there at night. Several pairs of pants. A tank top just in case. A swim suit for the hot tub. More underwear than she needed.

She ran back to her dresser to grab the last few items required to fulfill her trip, when her door swung open loudly. Baela was able to nearly leap from the door to the bed, causing her comforter and pillows to jump from impact.

Her curls splayed out onto the bed in a halo. “I’ve always loved your bed. It’s the softest out of all of ours, you know.”

Lucera looked at her, unease crawling its way through her stomach and up her throat. “Yeah, well. You can always ask mother for a new one.”

Baela softened her face. “Luce, I know this is weird for you.”

“No, no. It’s fine, really, it’s just been awhile.” Lucera folded her clothes to keep her hands focused.

“It’s not really fine. I know we haven’t talked about it for a long time, but I know how weird it must feel for you.”

Lucera sighed. “It’s just, everything might be completely normal you know? And I’m anxious about nothing.”

Baela sat up on the bed, making deep eye contact with Lucera. “Don’t discount your feelings. It’s been four years since we’ve seen them, and for very good reason. Let me remind you that after you accidentally maimed him, he did try to hurt you. On purpose.” Lucera looked away, but Baela continued. “The only reason why we haven’t celebrated Christmas with them is because there were so many close calls and mother noticed”

She remembered the “close calls”. If only they had known all of the times the calls weren’t so close, but no one was there to see it.

“I know, I just wonder sometimes if it’s all in my head. Nothing really happened,” Lie. “I’m the only one who actually hurt someone.” A deep sense of shame leaked through Lucera’s chest, one that she had been trying for years to tame.

But Baela wouldn’t let her stew. “It was an accident, Luce. It’s okay. I’ll tell you as many times as you need to understand it. But what he was doing was not an accident. Remember the year he locked you in Grandfather’s industrial freezer for half an hour? Any longer than that and you would have died. Remember last time he took an ornament and forced you to crush it with your hand so you’d get glass stuck in your skin? Remember when he tried to slam your arm in the oven but Jace stopped him? Remember that other year he almost drowned you in the hot tub? There are even more than this, Lucera. You are perfectly right to be nervous about seeing him again.”

The walls in her mind were crumbling with Baela’s narration of the past holidays. These were memories Lucera had done her best to stifle, but they always returned louder than ever. She would never tell Baela that she had let him do these things, or that there were several more incidents that no one else knew about, because she had always felt like he deserved some form of retribution for losing his eye at her hand.

Aemond had always taken a keen interest in her. He had always followed her, watched her intently. It wasn’t hard to take notice of it. Everyone had.

But everyone had written it up to be nothing beyond youth fascination. Children stare at each other all the time. There was nothing peculiar about Aemond’s behavior.

It was only after the accident that his attention on her took a slight new meaning. Although hesitant at first to resume the previous non-concern from the rest of her family, time had worn away the worry it had initially caused. It had allowed for much else between them to take place.

“Thank you, Bae. I am nervous, but part of me does think we’ve all changed a bit. I certainly have.” And she had. They are adults now. It would be weird if he was still into torture. Most kids grow out of it.

“Exactly. We were weird teenagers and now we’re actually older. I’m sure we’ve all changed a lot since then.”

------------

The snow crunched under their tires, a fresh coat not yet salted by the city. Lucera recognized the skyscrapers in the distance, and her face softened when she saw the telltale curves of the family company’s building peak around the corner. Although it had been some time since she had visited their family townhouse in the city, she remembered the streets like she had lived there her whole life. Happy Little Treats, the best bakery in the city. Blackie’s, the best diner on the East Side.

Her, Rhaena, Jace, and Baela had decided to drive separately from their parents, who also had Joanie with them, as well as little Aemma and Viserra. It was much easier to take two cars, especially when they knew they would probably want to go out at different times from their parents who had two little ones. Poor Joanie, too young to be with the older girls all the time, but also far too old to be stuck with Aemma and Viserra, was doomed to float between the two groups.

The radio was tuned to holiday music, and the girls delighted in singing along to every song that rang through the speakers.

As they were closing in on their destination, Baela intercepted the music with her normal speaking voice, the first to do so in over an hour. “What do you think they all look like now?”

Rhaena was the first to answer. “I’m not sure about Aegon or Aemond, but Helaena and I see each other at uni. She’s radiant and beautiful, as she always has been.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot you've mentioned seeing her around.” Baela replied.

Rhaena smiled, and shook her head down. “Yeah, she’s the coolest, honestly.”

Baela laughed. “Out of those three? It’s no competition.”

Jacaera’s breath fogged up the window as she spoke. “I’ve seen Aegon and Aemond in passing at uni as well. They seem alright. Aegon is no longer the tall one.”

Lucera perked at this. Aemond? Tall?  She shook her head. “I swear I forget we all go to the same school sometimes. There’s just so many people I never see them.”

“Aemond is tall now? Wow. I’ll have to see it to believe it.” Baela jeered.

Jacaera drew a heart in the fogged glass before turning and facing the rest of her sisters. “Yes! It was honestly shocking at first. I barely recognized him, but I saw the eyepatch and knew immediately.”

Oh right. The eye patch. Lucera sighed. Baela moved her hand to sit atop hers in acknowledgement.

A right turn here, a left turn there, and the chateaux-style massive townhouse came into view. The four stories were gaudily embellished by baroque trim, with a massive oak door calling attention to its center. Wreaths were attached to the base of every windowsill, and a candle placed in each window. They watched as Rhaenyra and Daemon pulled Aemma and Viserra out of their carseats, having arrived a few moments before they did. Joanie was looking up at the mass of the townhouse, most likely counting how many windows there were, trying to remember which room was what.

Two men Lucera didn’t recognize dressed in all black greeted her parents, and Daemon smiled and gave him his car keys.

Rhaena twisted the steering wheel to pull up right behind them, and the other man dressed in black immediately jumped to open all of their car doors. Lucera felt like she was moving in slow motion the way the man was everywhere at once, and by the time she had stepped onto the sidewalk, he already had the trunk thrown open and was lifting their suitcases next to her.

“Thank you!” Lucera said enthusiastically, trying to cut through his quickness.

The house—if it could be called such a humble thing, loomed above her. She felt as if she was stepping into all holidays past, where he lingered with the bitter taste of sadism.

The large doors eased open, beckoning them inside. When she peaked in, she saw Daemon’s black trench coat deep in the arms of her grandfather, Rhaenyra to his side, buried in Alicent with a beaming smile of delight. They let go, embracing one another in turn. Viserys could barely contain his excitement at the sight of the little ones, having crouched down to greet them. Lucera noticed the exact moment he caught sight of the rest of her and her sisters, and his joy multiplied ten times over.

“Oh, my girls! My girls.” He said, reaching in to hug each one of them. “I couldn’t be more happy to have all of my family in one place again.”

Greetings were further extended to Alicent. It must have been an exhausting process for Viserys and Alicent, she guessed, since there were so many of them.

Alicent addressed the group. “I was just telling your parents, the rest of them are lost in the house somewhere. I’m sure you’ll see them shortly.”

The girls nodded, and Joanie said something about being excited to see Daeron. The flurry of movement divided as everyone was sent to their rooms to unpack.

Alicent nodded to a staircase on her left. “I put you girls up in the kid’s wing.”

Jacaera laughed, playfulness in her voice. “Only some of us are still kids.”

“Oh don’t be ridiculous,” Alicent waved her hand downwards. “You’ll always be children to me.”

Climbing up three floors was exhausting without the bag, and Lucera could hardly imagine doing it with the extra weight in tow. She looked at the house staff carrying her and her sisters bags, and felt a bit sorry for them.

After reaching her rooms, she was delighted to see that she had a window overlooking the front sidewalk. There were fresh winter roses placed delicately in an opaque white vase on her bedside table, the blue jumping out against the walls of her bedroom.

Her nerves were reaching an all time high. She still hadn’t seen Aemond, yet he was here. But her thoughts were interrupted when Baela swung open her door.

Lucera turned to look at her. “Do you ever knock?”

Baela spun around and leaned exaggeratingly against the door frame before saying, “Not with you, I don’t. All of us girls are going to the hot tub. Put your bathing suit on.”

Lucera smiled, and unzipped her suitcase. “I’ll be ready in five. Wait for me?”

------------

The hot tub was roiling, jets pumping near blistering water against their backs. It was heavenly. Their hair was tied up in variations of buns and pony tails, the ends tickling their necks.

Rhaena had been intently looking at the back of the townhouse. “It’s so crazy to be back here after all these years.”

“It’s hardly changed since then. It feels like I’m stepping into a place frozen in time.” Jacaera marveled.

Helaena chuckled at their insight. “I’m sure it feels that way. I haven’t been to Dragonstone in forever either.”

Jacaera turned to her in revelation. “Gods that’s right! You should come stay with us for the summer. The beach is so warm then.”

“Yeah! Maybe when we all finish up our finals Helaena can just come home with us?” Rhaena said in agreement.

“I’d be happy if you had me,” Helaena replied. “What are all you studying anyways?”

Baela went first. “I’m studying business, with a concentration on finance.”

Lucera seconded her. “Me as well.”

Jacaera tagged at the end of Lucera's agreement. “Also me.”

Helaena laughed. “All you three planning to work for the family business, then?”

“Something like that. Jacaera, Baela, and I will take over after Rhaenyra and Daemon.” Lucera answered. “After Viserys passes, of course. It will be awhile, but there’s a lot to learn anyways.”

“Aemond’s going to do the same. Aegon isn’t interested in being a part of Hightower Associates, and neither am I, but Aemond is preparing to take over after our grandfather. Have you seen him around uni?”

Baela chuckled. “We were just talking about that,” she looked at Jacaera. “Only Jace has, really.”

“Hm. That’s funny considering he’s also in your department.” Helaena remarked.

“Right? I mean the library is huge, but it can’t be that large. I’m there all the time.” Jacaera pondered.

“Knowing him, he probably found a secret room and lives out of it”. Helaena sighed. “He doesn’t go out too much, and he’s really focused on his work.”

Lucera thought about the growing man Aemond had morphed into. One who was deeply integrated and committed to his family business, just as she. It only meant he had gotten more cutthroat. It’s the only way to survive in the world of finance they were thrust into. None of the top hedge fund managers, heads of banking families, or titans of brokers reached and stayed where they were because they were the most virtuous. To survive in this world meant being vicious at times.

A trait that ran in the family, clearly.

“We’ll probably run into him one of these days.” Baela acquiesced. “What are you studying again Helaena?”

“Studio art, concentrating on painting. Aegon is doing the same, but focusing on photography. We both much prefer it to the chaos of the family business.” She said proudly, until she realized the context of the conversation. “Not that I’m putting you down for choosing it, or anything.”

Jacaera giggled. “No, we get it. It is pretty chaotic.”

The hot tub had gone from the initial burn, to comfortable, to boiling again as the conversations ebbed and flowed through several different interests of theirs, such as their love lives and the semester's hook-ups, with extra time spent on the more embarrassing ones. It was truly Baela dominating the bulk of the conversation, hardly anyone else had anything to add apart from a meager makeout here and there.

Baela was also newly introduced to the term “situationship”, as the rest of them deduced she was most certainly in one with Adam Hull.

“Just because we sleep in the same bed most nights doesn’t mean we’re together.” She objected.

Helaena was set on getting her to admit it. “And does he stay in the morning? Do you do any other activities together?”

Baela scoffed. “We get dinner sometimes. And go to the movies every Tuesday, but that’s only because tickets are half-off on Tuesdays. And we go to the gym together. But it’s nothing, really.”

Helaena tried to ease her into it. “You do realize that is essentially a relationship, besides you have no direct commitment or any expectations? Someone is going to get hurt eventually.”

Lucera rolled her eyes. “And it’s probably him. Gods Baela, the man is probably in love with you and you are too daft to see it.”

All eyes on her, Baela was lost in the processing of this new information, until she remembered who and where she was, and quickly found a way to deflect it. “Oh shut up. Says you, you’re like the genuine version of a pick-me girl. Every man who looks at you falls in love with you.”

Lucera rolled her eyes. “You’re exaggerating.”

A smile crept across Baela’s lips, successfully removing the attention away from her situationship. “Um, no I’m not. What of Tyrek Lannister? Gerrick Greyjoy? Dorren Stark? And that’s only from this quarter.” She used her hands to prove her point, counting them on her fingers.

Lucera threw up her arms. “I can’t help it! Honestly! Besides, I don’t lead anyone on, just have maybe a kiss or two.” The rest of the girls sang a chorus of oos, bringing a blush through her cheeks.

“And who was the best out of them?” Jacaera coaxed.

“It hardly matters,” Lucera drawled, “but, it was Gerrick.”

“Hm. I’m surprised it wasn’t Stark.” Rhaena gave a side-long glance at Jacaera. “I’ve heard good things about Stark men.”

Jacaera’s face flushed, praying the heat from the tub would conceal her thoughts. Naturally, everyone noticed, but chose to spare their easily flustered sister.

Helaena looked her in the eyes, and threw her a trusting wink.

------------

As the day wore on, Lucera’s anticipation of seeing Aemond waxed and waned. She thought it would have happened by now—if they were still kids, it surely would have, being at the age where presence around the family was required. She thought of the many places he could be, the things he could be doing, but it was difficult to imagine someone she hadn’t seen in several years. It was nearly impossible to conceive of it, and it only raised her nerves.

Dinner passed along quietly, winter soup and charcuterie being served on a come-and-go basis in the parlor to account for the rush of her family’s arrival and the need for a little bit of flexibility in their schedule. Afterall, there was still much planned for the day: they were going to the ballet, and everyone would be attending.

In front of her vanity, Lucera examined herself in the mirror. She lifted the delicate silver chain to secure it around her neck, the deep crescent moon in its center sitting in the joint of her collarbones. She didn’t try to examine her reasonings for being extra fickle about what she wore, but it was hard to escape his presence in them. It had been so long, and she didn’t want him to think her ugly. He either had changed for the better and would no longer say his cruel thoughts aloud, hadn’t changed and would say that and so much more, or he had gotten worse. A shudder rippled through her as she tried to imagine how that could be possible, but what if it was?

She wanted him to look at her and see how much she had changed, that she was no longer a girl anymore. And perhaps, if he had any lingering thoughts of resentment, that could lend him to realizing that she was no longer deserving of his hostility.

Her nerves from earlier had thawed, and amongst the remains was a newfound confidence. Her mary janes clicked on the sidewalk, her self-assuredness carrying through her legs. She reached into the SUV where her family was waiting for her.

Rhaenyra, holding Aemma on her left leg, reached over and grabbed her hand. “You look radiant, darling.”

Jacaera patted the seat next to her. “Something got your spirits up?”

“Nothing in particular, just had a good day.” And it was true. The day had been knotless. She had been surprised by its ease, and delighted just the same.

Once the tires slowed and the doors slid open, she reached her hand around to grab the frame, the other taking Daemon’s hand to step out of the car. The marquee hung gaudily above them, its essence of performance steeped in its display. She looked around for the Hightowers, who had pulled in ahead of them. She found Alicent’s thick calico fur shawl, trailing to Helaena’s platinum hanging down her back, to…

Her throat seized. Was that really him? His back was set against her, but she could see Aegon’s side profile, meaning the other one must be him.

Jacaera was right, he is tall. She had never pictured him with his hair long. Her sisters poured out of the car to stand alongside her.

Baela was the first to acknowledge it aloud. “Gods, I hardly recognize them.”

The slamming of the car doors must have carried, and he turned around from his mother to face the rest of them.

His hair swung gently, and she caught the moment his eye landed on her. His eyepatch looked menacing, scar tracing just outside of it. While holding her gaze, he upturned his lips into a tight smirk.

Their families approached each other, not too far away to begin with.

Aegon looked delighted to see his cousins, endearing them each. His face had filled out on the edges, and he hadn’t grown an inch. Aemond upheld his apathetic image, looking slightly uninterested, but they knew him better—-he simply always looked that way. Her sisters took turns pulling each of them into hugs with their greetings.

When Aemond reached her, he regarded her for several moments, his dark smile returning. “You’ve changed, Luce.”

She straightened her back, ignoring the way he was openly sliding his eye across her from head to toe. “So have you.”

He surprised her by pulling her deep in his chest, bending his neck down to whisper in her ear. “I haven’t forgotten our little games.” Before she could respond, he released her.

Baela had witnessed the interaction from a few paces away, her eyes still on Aemond, who had gone to greet Rhaenyra. Lucera walked up to her.

She fell into step beside Baela, through the doors, tickets in hand. “What did he say to you?”

Back and forth, she contemplated telling her the truth. Through her childhood, she had never been fully honest through the extent to which he hurt her. Rhaenyra had questioned, Daemon had asked, and her sisters had pushed after her wellbeing once the accidents had been exposed as something more purposeful. Lucera knew her parents were smarter than she, but they also didn’t push the subject when she refused to yield.

She didn’t quite know why, though she supposed it was because she felt she owed Aemond her pain. It was the least she could do for taking his sight. He hadn’t permanently damaged her, afterall. Even though he got close, she reminded herself.

Her mind completed its process, and Lucera would continue her pattern with conflict as she always had. “Just that we all look older now.”

“Hm.” She grabbed Lucera’s arm, looping it in hers, voice quieting. “He looks like a fucking super villian.”

Lucera couldn’t bite back her amusement. “He really does, doesn’t he?”

She didn’t want to think about what else he looked like. Attractive, for one. It felt like a sin to even say it in her mind. Lucera was startled by how menacing he looked, but it suited him. His face was lined in hardness and brutality, his lone purple eye allowing for expression.

His walk bled dominance, something she could do without recognizing. But it was hard to ignore the complex grace in his movements, how every turn of his head and lift of his hand was controlled and measured.

Her eyes kept finding him unwillingly, absorbing the man he had become. Lucera couldn’t help herself, needing to remind herself to keep her gaze anywhere but him. He would notice. Baela would notice. Daemon would notice.

After getting their tickets scanned, she and Baela followed their entourage to their seats. The gilded plasterwork came alive from the walls, creating deep shadows, brightening the jewel tones that sat there. The lattice work was interladened with cherubs holding glowing sconces and foliated candelabras. Figurative and floral murals and abstracts curled and jumped from the ceilings, each framed by golden trim. The proscenium arch jutted out gently from the stage, red curtain dropped to hide the rest of the stage.

Their seats were hoisted on the second floor in the box on stage right. Lucera smiled to herself. She knew whoever had bought their tickets did so knowing that the best view would be from above, so they could see the aerial perspective of the dancer’s intricate formations. If she had to guess, it was probably Alicent.

She had sat in the first row of seats, between Jacaera and Baela, while he sat in the second, off to the side, closer to the stage. The curvature of the seats allowed for her to see him out of the corner of her eye, his side profile unmistakable. As she gauged where he was in relation to her, he caught her eye. He brazenly smirked towards her, and then looked away. She ran her fingers over the front of her dress, needing the movement to keep her grounded. Shortly after, the curtains opened and she breathed relief at the comfort that she would have something else to focus on.

It wasn’t as easy as she had hoped.

As they progressed through the suites, Lucera was trying to tame her gaze, pulling and forcing it to remain ahead on anything but him. There was so much to look at, too—the dancer’s tutus and tights, skin and hair was alight with glitter catching every ray of stage light. The way they moved, their arms pouring up and down, their legs fluttering across the stage. Glissade en arriere to arabesque. The live orchestra in the pit, the sliding of their bows, the dancing of their fingers. She had so much to choose from. And it worked for a time, until she remembered his presence, and she had to pull her gaze forward again.

He caught her once or twice, and returned her wandering eyes with the same haughty smile.

She didn’t know if it should scare her, but it definitely made her feel something. Like she wanted to push the button to reveal a secret. Perhaps it was curiosity; she was a woman now, and can’t possibly be pushed around like she used to. He wouldn’t kill her. Not now at least. It would have had to happen years ago, when he was still a child and could get away with “accidental” murder. At present, he’d go to prison for manslaughter. Right? He has to know that. And he himself is a man grown, who has risen above such ideas. Right?

The curtains were drawn, they stood from their seats, her family quickly ushering everyone to get back to the house as fast as possible.

Once alone in the comforts of her bedroom, she unzipped, unlaced, and undid every button and tie on her clothing, releasing more than just the tension it had held on her skin. The whirlwind of their evening had finally come to an end. She had seen him, and it had been somewhat eventful, but she had expected nothing less.

------------

The next morning after an uneventful breakfast, Viserys had called all of his grandchildren to the kitchens. He ensured they knew their presence was mandatory.

“You kids haven’t seen each other in so long. It’s time you bond again.” It was hard to tell what the room-wide cringe was from: being called kids, or being told they must bond over something of Viserys’ choosing.

Lucera looked around the massive kitchen, and knew immediately what they were going to be doing.

Viserys waved his hand. “I dismissed the staff early today. Instead, you all are going to be making our family’s holiday cookies!”

Joanie squealed in excitement, diverting the attention away from Aemond and Aegon, who both rolled their eyes louder than she’d ever seen it done.

“Why not. I love baking!” Rhaena perked.

Viserys stepped out to be more directly in front of them, looking at each of them intently. “Here’s what’s going to happen. Aegon and Jacaera, you two will do our peanut butter kisses. Aemond and Lucera, I want you two doing our sugar cut-outs. Daeron and Joanie, you two are in charge of snowballs. Rhaena, Helaena, and Baela, you three will do our gingerbread cookies. You’ll need the extra person since they’re a lot of work.” He gestured towards the back wall. “I’ve had the cooks set out all the ingredients, and there should be plenty of room for all of you.”

Lucera didn’t know quite what to do. Her intimidation of him was preventing her from moving her feet. Let alone, she didn’t know if Aemond hated this idea, and she didn’t want to feel his rejection. But then again, very little sounded better than fresh cookies.

Joanie and Daeron had practically run across the kitchen, as if it was a race to see who could finish the fastest. Lucera smiled at her youthful enthusiasm.

“Are you going to just stand there and look dumb?” Aemond’s voice cut through her thoughts.

She looked up at him. “No, no of course.”

“Of course you’re going to stand there and look dumb?”

Lucera grumbled. “You know what I meant.”

They walked over to the corner of the kitchen. Lucera knew this recipe by heart, having made it many times the past several years at Dragonstone.

“We need to work the butter, first. Cream it up a bit.”

She began unfolding the wax off of the butter.

“They’re quite simple. I don’t know why he wants the two of us to do it. A child could make these by themselves.”

Lucera took the flat end of the spatula and smashed the butter into smaller pieces in the bowl. “You know why he wants us to do it together.”

Aemond pulled out the bag of flour, dipping the cup deep in the bag. “I suppose. Funny thing for him to act like he cares so much about bonding time.” He swiped a knife off of the top of the measuring cup. “So this is what bonding looks like?”

Lucera scoffed. “It could be, if you actually acted like you wanted to be here.”

Across the kitchen, she could hear Jacaera scolding Aegon over the bag of hershey’s kisses. “You do realize we need some of those to actually make the cookies? Save some for the rest of us.”

Aemond paused, mulling over his next words carefully. “I could be doing something else.”

Lucera looked over at Baela, Rhaena, and Helaena, who were giggling over the molasses and brown sugar.

“And what might that be?” She questioned mockingly. While he poured in the sugar and flour, she began mixing in the butter.

“Working.” He turned to face her, dipping his head to look down at her from their close proximity. Sarcasm sat between his next words. “Ever heard of it?”

Lucera was slightly ruffled by this, and even though she caught on to his tone, wasn’t willing to go along with the act. “You don’t know the slightest thing about me.”

He stood behind her to grab something on the other side, and whether it was for stability or otherwise, he put his hand on her waist. She tried not to make any sudden movements to imply she was thrown off or affected by this gesture, and could not say if she was successful or not. His hand was large, fingers stretching across the right side of her lower back. Just breathe. She tried to tamper down her blush, not wanting him to know that he flustered her. It would only make her more of a target.

“Twas just a joke, Lucie.” He smirked, pulling away, and warping his fingers to the newly formed dough in the bowl.

She tried not to watch the way his deft hands worked the dough into a ball. Needing to prove she was not in fact bothered, she replied, “Regardless, I will have you know that I’m in the line of succession. Me, Jacaera, and Baela are all going to uphold Targaryen International Banking after Rhaenyra and Daemon.”

To her surprise, Aemond showed her possibly the first form of respect she had ever received from him. “It’s an honor to not only be a part of our family, but also uphold its greatness.”

Lucera pulled out the various cookie cutters, clearing her throat. They had been apart all this time, their secret torture games known truly just between them. She knew she should hate him, but she didn’t. And the unfortunate circumstances had decided that he must grow into a desirable devil. But she can’t think about that right now. Looking at her cookie shape options, she decided her favorite was the Christmas tree. “I heard you’re inheriting Hightower Associates.”

He smiled, and even though it was tight lipped, she could tell it meant something to him. “Yes. Otto most likely has another decade in him to run it, but it will be mine once he is no longer fit for it. Thank the gods, Aegon and Helaena would destroy it.”

Lucera looked over at her sister and Aegon. He looked at her with light in his eyes, while she double checked each dough ball to ensure they were the same size. As nice as the scene was, his momentary calm was deceiving. She laughed quietly in her throat imagining him being put in charge.

Their own dough had been rolled out, and they began stamping it with the cookie cutter. “I’m sure you will do the business much good. You can be…” Lucera looked for the right words, and wondered if it was even a good idea to remind him of his nature in the first place. “Quite intense. And cutthroat.”

He paused at her implicit acknowledgement of the past, looking at her directly once again. His chest was at her eye level, even though she pried her eyes upwards to meet his. The soap on his neck had a clean, sharp scent. “Yes. I suppose I haven’t changed much.” He waited for any kind of reaction, but she figured it best to not give him any. Lest he get any real ideas.

Lucera slid the cookies into the oven, the warmth heating up her arms. She vaguely recalled when Aemond had tried to shut her arms in the frame of the oven, and startled herself with his proximity.

He noticed her pulling away from the oven with fear in her eyes. “Relax. My days of trying to scar you are over.” Aemond poured a small stream of milk over the powdered sugar on the stove. “Besides, my hands are busy. And there’s people here.”

It wasn’t until she finished sliding the tray in the oven and closed the door that she processed his meaning.

She looked up at him, eyes widened. “You’re not going to…?” Lucera didn’t say it out loud, for she didn’t want anyone else to hear.

He continued stirring, the smell of the heated sugar between them. “We’re both adults now. I wouldn’t be so senseless.”

The tension she had been holding around him had faded, filled in with relief. “I don’t know why,” she chuckled, “I just didn’t know what to expect.”

His side-eye landed on her, but he was playing lighthearted. “You wound me Lucera. Surely I would hope you think higher of me than that.”

“Hm.” She smirked at him, wanting to joke with him as he had to her. “You’ll just have to prove how smart you are then.”

His face held an unreadable expression, but she still counted anything besides scowling as progress.

The butter, sugar, and flour were melding together in the oven, releasing a heavenly smell. Lucera released some of the tension she had held around him. Perhaps this new chapter of their lives could strengthen their family, instead of tearing it apart as their childhood had.

Reading the golden edges of the cookies, Lucera determined they were finished and removed them out of the oven without fear of Aemond shutting her arm in. The royal icing was ready, and she put them in the refrigerator so the cookies were able to cool before they could put the icing on.

A large guffaw of laughter exploded from the other side of the kitchen, where Joanie and Daeron were saddled with powdered sugar. It had lodged itself in the creases of their faces, deepening their smile lines. In their attempt to brush it off their faces, they only served to spread the sugary dust to every surface in their vicinity.

Daeron, upon realizing the blessing this was, ran to Aegon with his snowy sugared hands and started furiously wiping them on the back of Aegon’s sweater.

Having been attacked by the enemy in a blind spot, Aegon was initially at the disadvantage. But, once he turned around, he used his height and weight to throw Daeron to the ground.

This move might have deterred many from another attack, but Daeron was a Targaryen, afterall. He grabbed onto Aegon’s leg, not letting go. It was an advanced move, leaving the victim—Aegon—unable to do much else than furiously try to peel him away.

Joanie made a jump to his other leg despite Aegon’s protests for her to not get involved. The two clung to his calves, anchoring him to the floor, giggling in victory. Aegon ceased his complaining and sighed in defeat.

“Anyone want to help me?” Aegon moaned.

Jacaera was busy pressing what was left of the hershey’s kisses into the cookies. She shrugged. “I can’t, I have to do this while they’re fresh out of the oven.” Besides, she was too amused by the situation.

“Sorry, I don’t want to get powdered sugar all over my new pants.” Baela shouted from across the kitchen.

Aemond was also pleased by his brothers, and after hesitating a few moments too long, began long strides towards the scene.

He had nearly reached Aegon, but once Daeron had peeked his head around Aegon’s knee to see the long legs of his other brother coming towards them, he flung himself off of Aegon and skittered across the floor. Joanie was quick to follow.

Once the cookies were all primed and pretty—to the best of their ability, at least—Lucera padded up the steps with a giggling Jacaera. In the parlor, Rhaenyra was drinking tea with Alicent. They must have heard of Viserys’ plan, as they looked at Lucera with concern, subtly checking over her limbs and face for any signs of harm as they had done when she was younger.

Alicent leaned over with furrowed brows and express interest, Rhaenyra had worry in her eyes. “How was baking my darlings?”

Knowing that they truly wished to know of her wellbeing, Lucera was relieved that for once around the holidays, she could tell them the truth. “It was good! No unlucky burns or anything! Just tasty cookies.”

They brought a plate over with all of their treats.

Rhaenyra beamed at her daughters. “I see gingerbreads, sugar cut-outs, and—?”

Jacaera leaned forward. “Peanut butter kisses. Aegon ate half of the hershey’s chocolates, so we didn’t have enough to put on top of all of them. Those ones are just plain peanut butter cookies.”

Alicent rolled her eyes through her smile, lovingly joking. “Of course he did, the little twat. I’m sure they’re still delicious.”

“Once he stopped eating the candy and started participating, he really enjoyed baking. Does he ever go down to the kitchens to bake?”

Lucera raised her eyebrows. She knew exactly what made Aegon so interested in baking earlier, and it wasn’t the sweets.

“He’s never thought it interesting before. Perhaps he was just happy to see everyone.” Alicent had toned down her surprise at the idea that he enjoyed the experience, having a mother’s sense of what was really at play. Her and Lucera shared a knowing glance, Jacaera none the wiser.

“And you Lucera?” Alicent had turned to face her.

“Oh yes! Aemond and I got along quite well. He’s an arse, but it suits him.” The sense of relief she glimpsed earlier had returned, and the weight of lying no longer chained to her. She was able to be genuine without having to pretend. It was a welcome feeling.

“He’s a proud man, that’s for sure. I still don’t know where he inherited his arrogance.” Alicent chimed.

Rhaenyra was put at ease with the grace of her features, always knowing the truth of her daughter. A shadow of skepticism remained, but she was optimistic that their maturation had changed things. “I’m glad you had a good time, darling.”

At least for the time being, any fears she had could be put to rest.

It had been a hard period of time when she had lied to her, both of them knowing that there was something much deeper to her words. It had been why, without too much evidence, Rhaenyra had decided it best that they spend a few holidays alone at Dragonstone. Viserys had insisted that they return each year, believing that it best for the family to be together when there was tension. Namely, after the accident where Aemond lost his eye, and his consequent aggression towards Lucera. Rhaenyra could only look at the truth in her daughter’s eyes for so long.

He hadn’t done anything out in the open, but he was occasionally sloppy. He was only a child after all, and was still learning how to keep a victim silent. He was lucky it was Lucera, who in her docility and self-blaming from the accident, let him act as he saw fit.

Her least favorite memory was when he held her head over the tub in the basement filled with water. He had grabbed her hair and held her face under water, keeping it there until her squirms softened to near limpness. He would then pull her up again, allowing for her to catch her breath before repeating the cycle. She had silently trusted him to let her live. It didn’t make the moments she spent choked underwater any less terrifying.

That had been the last time she saw him. Rhaenyra had remembered her coming up the stairs, face flushed, edges of her hair wet. Lucera recalled telling her that she slipped and fell in the snow outside, but her eyes had given her away. Even after much pressure, Rhaenyra still wasn’t sure what had happened, but she knew Aemond was involved and that Lucera looked like she had been through a torture sequence. Which, of course, she had.

But those days were behind them. He had said it himself.

------------

Later in the evening, after a light dinner, a particularly competitive game of Scrabble that nearly ended with Daemon’s knife at Aemond’s throat, and a Hallmark movie that Viserys claimed would “calm everyone down” (which it hadn’t—not entirely—although the two had slowly united across the one hour and thirty five minute screen time against their hatred for such movies), the family had dispersed and found their ways to bed.

Lucera was tucked in, nearly drowning in the comforter, just how she liked it. There was just one thing—she needed water. Her eyes had closed, her body tired and unwilling to go downstairs. But her throat was scratching for relief, and no amount of willing herself to sleep had changed it.

She skimpered down the steps, her long fuzzy socks lightening the blow of her feet. All of the lights had been turned off, and she relied on the underlights of the cabinets to light her way.

Under the fridge light, she filled up her cup.

The silence was broken by the stream coming from the fridge, and then by footsteps coming near. Lucera tried to cover up what little she could, as a simple t-shirt and underwear had been all she needed in the privacy of her room. She hoped whoever it was wouldn’t look too closely or scold her for being so indecent.

She would be gone in a moment anyway.

Putting her water glass in the sink, she turned to go down the hallway when she saw the illumination of platinum hair in the dark.

“Aemond.” And even though she whispered, the surprise was not lacking in her voice.

“Lucera. It’s getting late.” He was stepping closer to her, his voice soft.

“I was just a bit thirsty. I’m going back to bed now.” She tried to step around him, but he blocked her way with his arm against the wall.

“You know, before I saw you I wondered if I’d continue our little games.” He glazed his eye over her near-nakedness. “I thought I might not. And then I saw you, this pretty little thing, and I realized that we can have so much more fun together.”

She knew what he meant by it, but tried to ignore it for the moment. “But I thought you said you wouldn’t—”

“I said I wouldn’t scar you. I never said I wouldn’t do other things.” He grabbed a lock of her hair, twisting it between his fingers. “Oh how you’ve grown, Lucera.”

She tried to grab at the wrist of his hand in her hair, but he only grabbed onto her wrists instead, pushing her backwards towards a door in the hallway. He fumbled with the knob before throwing her in, the force of it landing her on the floor.

Lucera pulled her hair out of her face and stood up. “You didn’t need to be so rough with me.”

He grabbed her chin domineeringly soft. “Look at me, Lucera.”

Her lip quivered and she looked up at him, her large doe eyes unable to prevent her from looking nothing but innocent.

He looked deep in her eyes, commanding her submission with nothing but a look. “You always let me torture you, sweet little thing.”

All breath in her body halted, every movement, every beat of blood. The silence around her grew louder, unsure if she had heard him correctly.

“But now I want to do other things to you. I’m still using your body, of course, just in a different way. And you’re still going to listen to me, just like you always have?” Aemond tilted her jaw upwards to the right, then moved it to the left, as if he was examining her face from every angle.

The blood moving through her veins got thicker, her heart quickening its pace. Lucera quietly admitted to herself that she was excited at the idea that he could want her that way. Did he really think her attractive enough to want? He couldn’t mean what she thought he meant. Did he? Surely he didn’t want her like that.

He sneered in her face, clearly finding her dumbfoundedness amusing. “Look at you. Big eyes just looking up at me, waiting for validation. I knew you’d do anything I’d ask. Hells, you’ll probably enjoy it too.”

Lucera didn’t know how he had such a hold on her. How could he get away with talking to her like this? Why did she let him? Why was her belly aching with heat? She could feel her arousal dripping along her slit, sitting warm in her panties.

She pulled every last string of dignity together and tightened her hold to say, “No, Aemond. You’re not allowed to treat me this way.” and tried her hardest to turn away from him.

But, he was quick to react, and immediately pulled her backside flush against him, arms locked across her neck and midsection. “Squirm all you want. I see how your eyes hold nothing but submission for me, they always have. Is it guilt? Or something else?” He leaned down to whisper in her ear. “I don’t believe you wouldn’t enjoy every last drop of anything I give you. I’ll prove it to you right now.”

He moved his hand knowingly across her hip bones, giving them a hearty squeeze before sliding his fingers down her thigh to hike up her skirt. Her panic was felt immediately as she put her back and shoulders into every push and shove she gave him. “No, no no no, don’t—”

“Why? Are you worried about what I’ll find?” She wasn’t able to break out of the cage that was his strength, and his fingers gently trailed across the thin fabric hiding her entrance. What little barrier she had did a poor job of concealing her heated wetness.

He began lightly circling her clit, bending his face into her neck. “Tsk tsk tsk. Just as I thought, Lucie.”

She whimpered. “I just, I just am confused.”

“Hmm? I don’t think your body is confused. Your body wants me, Lucie. It wants me inside you. It’s all soaking and ready to take me.”

“You’re just so mean to me. I can’t let you do this if you’re mean to me.”

Aemond chuckled, feeling her melt into his touch as his deft fingers pleasured her. “You’ve always been so good at letting me take out my frustrations on you. This is no different, Lucie.”

She whimpered in his arms, unable to control the profound pleasure he was thrusting upon her. And it was him. There was something so enrapturing about his presence. She wanted to be engulfed in it, to feed off of it. But he had too much power—it wasn’t fair, he had always had the upper hand.

He slipped his fingers underneath the constraints of her underwear, immediately finding her slick folds. He gathered some of the wetness he found there and brought it up to her clit, where he rubbed gentle circles against her. “You’re soaking for me Lucie. I want to hear you submit to me. Your body is begging you.”

She whimpered again. The pleasure was too great, his weight pressed against her from all sides. Lucera needed more. Her resolve and rationality were slipping, disintegrating into a state of utter obedience, the teasing becoming too much to bear. It was like he was drowning her again.

“Anything, I’ll do anything, Aemond. I need this,” her voice squeaked from under his arm.

He laughed darkly in her ear before licking it, the warm sensation filling out through the rest of her body. “You will listen and do as I say, yes?”

“Yes. I swear it.” She cried.

“Good. On your knees, sweet girl.”

Her eyes got even bigger as she received his command. Lucera hesitated, looking up at him in his utter assertiveness. The look in his eye alone made her knees buckle.

Softly finding the most comfortable position she could on her knees, she tilted up her chin, attempting to hold as much dignity as possible. He grabbed both of her cheeks with each hand, fat pudging out between his thumbs and forefingers.

“You’re going to swallow my cock, do you understand? And when I decide I want to fuck your throat, I will.” He moved his right thumb down to her chin. “And if you bite, we can play one of our old games.”

She wouldn’t have bit him, but she was old enough to realize he got off on the power he had over her. And yet, she didn’t have to fake her submission. It was real, and it soaked her through.

With that, he let go of her face and gave her a playful slap on the cheek.

His hands remained at his sides, and she took that to mean that she must be the one to remove his pants.

Lucera tried to conceal the hesitation to approach his cock, but she couldn’t help herself. The bulge reaching across his leg was considerable, and she was unsure about trying to stuff something so large in her throat.

When she finally collected the courage to pull down the flannel in her fingertips, she was truly faced with the reality of such an act.

He was beautiful. Of course, even his cock has to be perfect. She took her hand, and worked the warm skin up and down, twisting her palm ever so slightly.

“Suck.” He said bluntly. 

“I’ll try, but I don’t know how I’m going to—”

“If you can’t figure it out, I think pounding your throat will do the trick.” He interjected, his hand landing in her hair firmly.

This drove her to action, as she wanted to maintain as much control in the situation as possible. She pushed the head past her lips, his salty precum landing on her tongue. Her jaw expanded as much as it could, and she pushed herself to swallow his length.

Lucera could already feel the sides of her mouth being triggered to wetness by the intrusion, and she was thankful for it. She held onto the base to steady herself, and she began slowly moving back and forth, lathing her tongue on the bottom of his cock.

She could feel his hands shift in her hair as he played with it gently, combing his fingers through.

“You’re such a good girl, Lucera”

His voice felt like pure encouragement, and his validation was something she had never felt before. Lucera decided she liked that feeling.

She pushed herself deeper on him as her throat warmed up, but was still unable to fit it all. She tried using her hand to make up for what she couldn’t reach, and although she wished she could deep throat him, she was proud that she had made it this far.

He grabbed her hair a bit more assertively, and guided her up and down with a touch more of force. “You’re taking it so well, your throat wraps around me perfectly.”

Her eyes had begun to slightly water, but she still tried to connect their eyes. She had read in a magazine that boys liked that.

He began to move her head even more strongly, and pushed her throat further on his cock. She gagged, but he only moaned in his chest, the sensation squeezing his cock in her throat.

Lucera could hardly see, her tears clouding her vision. Her saliva gathered around her lips and slopped down her chin as she felt him push deep into her throat.

“Look at you, on your knees for me. This is where you belong.” He thrust into her mouth, holding her by the back of her head. As rough as he was, Lucera found that she just wanted to impress him. To show him that she wasn’t weak, and that she was capable.

“Fuck, Lucera.” He moaned above her, his breath deepening. With animalistic impulse, he worked her throat with lewd hunger, before pulling her as hard as he could towards his hips.

She knew what was about to happen, and although she was still choking on his cock, braced herself. Lucera felt his length throb in her mouth as he unloaded down her gullet and straight to her belly.

Having ceased his brutal thrusts, Aemond brushed her hair gently. “Swallow all of it, Lucie.”

She subconsciously tried to swallow around it, but it was difficult to move much of anything.

After holding her there for a few more moments, he released her. She stuttered backwards slightly, coughing and gulping for air.

He tucked himself back beneath his waistband, and bent down next to her. He took her shirt and wiped off the excess spit that had gathered around her chin, and then moved it up to wipe her eyes.

“You’re gorgeous on your knees, you know that?” His hand dragged languidly against her inner thigh, towards her underwear. She inhaled deeply at his movements, canting her hips to meet his hand.

“You’re so needy, aren’t you?” He tilted his head, looking down at her below him devilishly. “My cock down your throat only made you more soaked, hmm?”

His words burned into her pleasure, and Lucera couldn’t help but whimper. His fingers on her moved in light circles on her clit, warping the pleasure building inside her.

“Tell me how it felt in your throat.” His voice poured over her. She drank in each syllable of every lewd word spitting out of his mouth like ambrosia. 

“You felt heavy on my tongue,” Lucera said, her breathing erratic. “I didn’t know how I was going to take it.”

“Hmm, that’s right.” He drawled. “It’s not easy taking a thick down your throat is it?”

“N-no.” She mewled.

“But you did a good job,” he brushed his thumb above her stomach. “You didn’t miss a drop.”

She panted as he loomed above her, playing her body like an instrument. She had already been so worked up, so much ache already inside her, that she knew her orgasm was coming. Aemond must have noticed too, for he picked up his pacing to the exact tempo she needed.

“Cum on my fingers, Lucie.”

She didn’t need anything further than his voice to send her over the edge as her eyes rolled back in her head, orgasmic pleasure bursting deep in her belly. She did her best to hold back the amplitude of the cries in her throat lest someone hear her.

The euphoria rippled through her body, and she could feel his satisfaction at her pleasure. After a few more moments, the lingering contentment was joined by a new wave of drowsiness.

It was late.

Lucera opened her eyes. Aemond stood up, pulling her up with him.

“Sleep well, Lucie.” He opened the door, gave her a quick slap on her ass, and walked towards the kitchen.

Her haze carried her to bed, where she unceremoniously slung herself under the covers, half-unconscious already. 

[blue-sadie]

Lost In The Woods

Anakin skywalker x Reader

Summary: sometimes his looks can cause you to follow along to his crazy plans

Warning: forest sex

Yn/3rd person pov

It was like being stuck in an endless loop the forest had no being or end, the tall trees disrupting the communications.

the soft sloshing of mud under our feet being the only thing you could hear I was furious how do I always get dragged into his stupid decisions how can I not say no to his stupid......dreamy face wait... what are you thinking he's dreamy his... a... idiot yeah an idiot.

I shook my head trying to get me to stop thinking about him "you ok there yn" aww his voice it made my heart want to melt... get your act together yn "fine" I muttered briefly turning my head to the side looking back at him as he trailed along behind me "anything from obi wan" he asked catching up beside me I rolled my eyes internally "nothing" I growled and gasped as he caught my wrist, pulling me to him "what is your problem" he said as his piercing blue eyes stared down into mine.

The height difference made me want to shrink back and disappear "answer me" he growled bringing his face closer to mine I gulped as my eyes flickered between his eyes and lips is he a good kisser? Does he think of kissing me "i-i" I had no words to speak was I really angry at him or more my self for following him? His presence confuses me "i-i isn't an answer, yes I get it i messed up and got us lost but doesn't mean you can be a bitch to me" my eyes snapped to his as he spoke, he waited for me to speak but when I didn't he just sighed and let me go and carried on walking without another word.

I internally slapped myself and sighed out before following a bit behind him and continued the walk in silence. We walked in till the sun was started to set and found a nice clearing to spend the night and like a unspoken conversation I went to collect the firewood and anakin went to found some fish in the near by river, I gathered the basics and started building the fire and later lit it and sat close by the flickering flames keeping myself warm as I waited for anakin to return. The forest was quiet except for the crackling of flames the shadows started growing closer as the night progressed I was starting to worry.

"Ani" I called out at any sound I heard my breathing started to quicken as I stood up staring into the dark distance "anakin its not funny anymore" I yelled as my legs started to tremble its been almost 2 hours "please come out" my eyes started to glisten as I looked around hopelessly "I'm right here" I jumped turning to him his usual grin plastered on his face but I didn't care and ran to him in embracing him "I was so scared" I whimpered hiding my face in his chest as he chuckled "I'm sorry" he murmured and stroked my hair "I found a imperial base we can raid in the morning for communication I was just scouting it out to make sure it's no threat" he explained and eyed me carefully as I pulled back.

I lazily wiped the small tear the ran down my cheek turning away from him "ok" I murmured and went to sit by the fire I felt awkward and scared I didn't want to make things weird between us we were always friends since he joined the order but over the years a strange tension formed between us "hey I'm ok" he said sitting beside me, I never liked being left alone for to long everyone in the order knew this and master yoda says it's gonna be my down fall it's because when I'm left alone I get lost in my head and over think things and has been some of the cause to our failed missions.

"What's happening in that brain of yours" he asked nudging me softly, I sighed heavily burying my face into my hands "what's not happening in my head" I laughed bitterly "you remember what obi says 'if you let it happen it will happen' he chuckled trying to mimick obi wans voice I glared up at him playfully "we both know sometimes obi wan doesn't know what he's talking about" I giggled remembering the countless times me and anakin proved him wrong "yea but he's old" ani laughed pulling me into his side his chest vibrating with his laughs, was it wrong to want to stay here forever? Just me and him.

"A-anakin" I murmured gazing up at him and admiring as the flames flickered in the mirror of his eyes "yes yn" he said his eyes staring back into mine "i-i wasn't mad at you earlier" I whispered making his brows come together in confusion "I was just f-frustrated with myself" I turned my attention back to the fire "why are you angry with yourself" he asked shifting himself to face me his hand grabbing my own in a comforting manner "I-I was angry at myself for how easy I follow you" I said and trembled as I felt his thumb started to graze over my knuckles as a comforting gesture.

"That's not something to be angry about surely" he tried lighten with the mood, I started to feel blush rise to my cheeks I was being silly "j-just forget about" I said and tried to remove my hand from his but he held tight "I won't forget about it yn" he urged me to continue explaining my behavior and my foolishness started getting into my head you can't tell him he'll just laugh and make fun of you, but he isn't that type of guy right? I stared blankly at the ground as I was stuck in my head, he likes padme he can never like you, I was caught in a daze into I felt his soft lips meet mine.

I stared horrified into his eyes but his were calm and full of care "get out of that brain and talk to me please" he pleaded huskily as he pulled back from my lips "i-i" I blinked trying to process what just happened "y-you kissed me" i was in shock and raised my hand to my lips which were kinda puffy from the kiss he chuckled nervously as he rubbed the back of his head as a slight blush dusted his cheeks "I'm sorry if I step-" he tried to speak but I brought my lips to his again our eyes flattering closed as our lips molded together this was the first time in ages I felt happy and complete and the voices in my head finally stopped.

His tongue slowly pushed into my mouth as his hands guided down my sides to my hips and urged me to move and sit on his lap my heart thumbed with desire as I straddled his lap my hands threaded themselves into his hair as his stayed on my hips "w-wait wait" I panicked an pulled back "what yn" he asked concerned and raised one of his hands to caress my face in worry "what about the rules" I murmured "about padme" my heart broke as I said her name his concern turned into a grin "yn nothing happened or ever will happen between me and padme what made you think that" he chuckled being my face closer to his, I tried turning away but his fingers grasped my chin "were you watching" he murmured I blushed from embarrassment conforming his suspensions making him laugh.

"Your so fucking adorable" he smirked before catching my lips in his once more "ani" I whined as he nibbled on my bottom him, his kiss was starting to get more passionate and rough with each passing second and his hands getting more touchy "god I want to fuck you so bad" he growled out as he moved his lips to my neck sucking harshly out my skin "f-fuck" I whined out squirming in his hold "if you keep moving like that I'm gonna go fucking feral" he hissed into my ear his hands planting my hips down onto his lap to stop me from moving.

"Ani" I moaned as I started to feel my panties dampen, his hands slowly started trailing up my leg and went under the fabric of my clothes, a shiver running up my spine as he stopped at my thigh he pulled back from me and his eyes darkened from lust and hunger he kissed me again as he slowly started pushing me to the ground his big body caging mine to the floor "fuck" he muttered as he ripped off his robes leaving him in nothing but boxers "anakin" I squeaked my heart almost beating out my chest as I looked over his body "like what you see" he teased making the blush come back to my cheeks he laughed at my reaction and started kissing my neck again as his hands started working on getting my clothes off.

My body heating up as I felt his hands touched my skin my hands threaded through his hair forcing his lips into my skin I want him, I need him "ani I need you" I moaned throwing my head back and heard him growl lowly "all you had to do was ask" he roughly ripped off my underwear and his and my mouth gaped at his size he was huge "fuck" I muttered biting my lip "it's all your" he growled moving his body closer to mine his cock teasing my pussy lips "please anakin" I begged and winced as he slowly pushed in the stretch causing me to cry out "fuck so t-tight" he groaned as he fully pushed in and waited for me to adjust.

"Y-you can move" I murmured and before he did he leaned down to my ear "that's a good slut" he growled before thrusting roughly into me "f-fuck ani" I cried out as my fingers dug into the forest floor with each thrust he forced moans out of me, his hands wondered to my breasts playing and pinching the nibbles "aww I can't wait till these are big when your pregnant" he groaned his head tilting back I gasped "what" "do you think I'm gonna pull out slut your mine now and I want everyone to know" he chuckled darkly as he quicken his thrusts.

My heart flattered as he said those things "would you like that everyone knowing that I own you" he muttered I nodded eagerly and started moving my hips back into his making him yell out in pleasure "such a good slut for me" he groaned and used one of his hands to rub my clit "and good sluts get to cum so cum when I get to 1" he murmured his eyes piercing mine "10" he started kissing my breasts leaving hickies along my chest "9" my breathing started to quicken as I felt a knot start to form in my stomach "8" I closed my eyes and my mouth formed an o shape "7" his thrusts started to faulter as his cock started to twice.

"6-6" my moans started getting high pitch as I felt the knot tighten "5...4" my body started to spasm and tense underneath him "3" his groans and growls were louder and his breathing rigid "2" he yelled out "1" I screamed out as I cam my body shaking as he coated my insides with his cum I panted as I tried calming down "thank you" he sighed out pecking my lips and carefully flipped us over so he was on the ground "a-aren't you gonna pull out" I whispered and shivered as I felt a cold breeze on my back "nope" he grinned grabbing his torn robes and covering the both of us I cuddled into his chest and we both sat in silence watching the fire burn

"I love you yn I hope you know that".

Tag.List

@neteyamyawne @sweetirilly

[lace4forest]

The Legend of Zelda Forgotten Songs

We've recently been drawing on Stream, so we ended up making a Legend of Zelda AU. (I'll post the stream vods on my channel later)

Basically Din and Farore decide to mess with Nayru, and shuffled the Triforce pieces.

Anyway! Zelda, the Hero of Songs, needs to search for the Forgotten Songs lost to Hyrule, to bring light back to the Kingdom. She teams up with Link the bard and the two travel together. The Scholar King Ganondorf of the Gorudo is trying to take over the Kingdom of Hyrule and bring silence and darkness to keep the Kingdom under his control.

The Nicknames Zelda - Song (Songs) Link - Lute Ganondorf - Cacophony

Rabbit hole time!

Zelda is the Hero of Songs. She has the Hero's Spirit, and was given the Triforce of Courage!

Zelda is a menace to society. Yes. She fights in this dress, and she is GOOD AT IT. Her "Roll" is a little jump and spin. She also is a very physical character, she doesn't use a lot of magic Items, and don't let her looking frail fool you, she is very strong. (Yes Zelda has the Master Sword)

Link has been nicknamed Lute. He isn't fully Hylian, he is only half! The other half is Siren! He is a Bard. He also has the Triforce of Power! (Think of Zelda 2 btw) So the Northern Palace? Everyone remember that place? Yeah, Link's house is on the beach north of there, he has a cute little beach house, and also has an under water one (Because Siren/mer fun stuff)

Now Link here is a little Uncanny, right? Well, literally EVERYONE in town think's that. That's why he lives out by himself on the beach. He does go into town and play music for money, and he's really good! (Because Siren) and people ALWAYS PAY HIM- (Because SIREN) He doesn't do anything bad tbh. Lastly, Link uses the magic Items here, he is also holding onto the Interments and sheet music they get from the Dungeons! (Looking for the Forgotten Songs of old to save Hyrule)

Now, Link and Zelda are besties, Zelda was traveling past his house, and she just wanted to see who lived there, met Link, liked his weird vibes (Literally all her guards were like NOOOOO SIREN BOY- But Zelda doesn't know) Also, Zelda gave Link Anxiety. (Zelda "No Fear" Hero of Songs traveling with the Siren Bard Link the Lute player)

OH! One last thing, Zelda doesn't know Link is half Siren. She just knows he has funky vibes and she likes the funky vibes. Someone (Villager) will be like "That is a Monster" and Zelda will be like "THAT IS MY BEST FRIEND" (Holds Link's face) "NOW SAY SORRY TO HIM" Villager - "....sorry" Zelda doesn't care.

(another link thing, sorry, that hair? that short hair? Yeah, No. That's an under cut, he has long hair, its just brained and stuffed into the hat)

LASTLY we have Ganondorf! He is cousins with Zelda, and he holds the Triforce of Wisdom! Ganondorf want's to take Hyrule, and he knows he is right behind Zelda for the throne, so all he needs to do is Kill Zelda! (He tried to just hire a guy to shoot her with a cross bow, the guy shot, Zelda cause the arrow, AND THREW IT BACK- NO BOW- and Killed that man.) Ganondorf had to think a little outside the box. His list of Priorities goes 1) Kill Zelda, 2) Kill Link and 3) Take over Hyrule.

Now, Ganondorf here is SMART. (Nicknamed Cacophony) Ganondorf and Zelda are Cousins, and they are pretty close. Their relationship is VERY complicated. Like - Someone talking crap about Zelda in front of Ganondorf "HOW DARE YOU SAY THOSE THINGS!" Person - "That is your Mortal Enemy!" Ganon - "THAT IS MY COUSIN!" (Zelda does the same thing)

Link and Ganondorf also have a complex relationship, they have an emotional support group for talking about the crazy things Zelda did and the two just need a moment to reassure they are normal and it's just Zelda being weird.

Also Ganondorf is a magic user in this AU. He tries to outsmart his opponents when need be. And in this game he is fighting Zelda and Link, who share a single braincell. (I love those two so much oh my gosh XD)

The Dungeon's in the game would be actually kinda hard, relying on your ability to remember things and a LOT of Puzzles. The beginning you can just switch between Link and Zelda to figure stuff out, one being in another room and yelling the answers to the other type of thing. But as the game goes on (After Dungeon 3) Link will become unable to get into the Dungeon without Zelda finding the Interment inside and summoning him inside. (There will also be a Dungeon where you do mainly play as Link in, it's the water temple.)

Now, Dungeon's 1 through 6 you can get Link inside to help, but less and less. By Dungeon 7 Link is unable to be summoned inside. Again, you would need the Dungeon Item to summon Link, BUT Ganondorf is SMART. He figured this out, and went and TOOK THE ITEMS OUT- They are now in other Dungeons (You may find 2 Items inside one dungeon) You might need to return to a Dungeon for a Door you were unable to unlock with a new Item/song/sheet music.

But During Dungeon 7, when Zelda leaves she can tell a fight happened, the area is destroyed, and Link is nowhere to be seen. Ganondorf and his men ambushed Link, and Kidnapped him. (Along with all your stuff.) Zelda heads to Dungeon 8, learning that Link is somewhere inside.

(Our reasoning on why Link get's Kidnapped- "WELL ZELDA GETS KIDNAPPED ALL THE TIME! IT'S LINK'S TURN!")

Now Dungeon 8. Ganondorf is Smart. Zelda and Link Share a SINGLE Braincell. Each room is one of three things. 1) A previous Mini Boss (Link Dungeon 8(?) in Link's Awakening) 2) A Puzzle to get a key or something (Normal Dungeon stuff) OR 3) A Puzzle from a previous Dungeon, but the hint isn't in the Dungeon and Link isn't here to yell the answers for you.

So you will have to do one of three things for those rooms, Look up a guide online, Have a good memory and know what to do, Or go back to the Dungeon it was in, and write it down.

But if you leave you'll have to restart/run through the Dungeon again! AND THIS ONE DOESN'T HAVE A MAP- HAHAHA-

WELCOME TO DUNGEON 8 HELL.

We wanted to create the hardest/funnest Dungeon. (Ganondorf is SMART, HE WANT'S ZELDA DEAD.)

Also, Ganondorf convinces the King to send Gaurds after Zelda and Link. (Kinda like Lttp, but instead of "YOU KIDNAPPED THE PRINCESS" It's more like "Zelda Please, You Need To Come Home!" and Zelda is like "GANONDORF IS EVIL" "No HE ISN'T!" "HIS VIBES ARE RANK!")

I might draw some short comics of them later tbh! (I think it's fun to make stories with everyone on stream, it was good, 10/10 will draw on stream again XD)

If you have any questions, just ask.

[inairbinad]

I Don't Think It's Contagious

5.3k words, also on ao3

Just some Pre-Season 2 Platonic (obviously) Stobin-centric fluff because they deserved to be friends sooner. With Steddie and Buckingham pining sprinkled in. All part of my magical fairy dust AU where Barb lives. Never Quite as it Seems helps to set this up, but it's not necessary to read first.

Life had gotten weird for Robin in the tail end of her sophomore year at Hawkins High. Weird because not only had she and Barb revived their friendship, but eventually Barb also confided in Robin that she was a lesbian, and dating Nancy Wheeler. It was the first inkling that Robin had ever gotten that she might not be terribly alone in this godforsaken town, which was nice, if not wildly surprising. Then, to top that particularly stunning revelation off and to really make Robin feel like maybe she’d lost her mind, she ended up friends with Steve Harrington, of all people. 

The revelation that Steve was capable of caring about people other than himself had come one dragging afternoon in the spring of '84. One minute things were normal; Robin was minding her own business and trying to get her shit from her locker and get out of there as quickly as possible. The mundanity got tossed like a salad, however, when Tommy H and Carol decided they wanted to cause a scene and harass Steve for deigning to talk to Barb. It seemed less about Barb, and more like she was just unlucky enough to get caught in the crossfire of the ongoing chill between Steve and his former minions. No one really knew why the three of them were on the outs these days, beyond the fact that back in November, Steve had abruptly started hanging out more with Jonathan Byers than he ever did Tommy H. anymore.

Robin watched the whole exchange while half-hiding behind her locker door, flinching at Carol tossing the d-word around, and then nearly having a stroke as Steve stood up for Barb. Even though Carol had just loudly declared for everyone to hear that she thought Barb had stolen Steve’s girlfriend. Steve shrugged it off, and said he’d rather be friends with Barb than the pair of goons that had followed him around like puppies for as long as Robin could remember.

That night, Robin tried to call Barb for the first time in years just to check on her. Whether what Carol had said was true or not didn’t really matter, and at the time Robin had no idea either way. Regardless, she felt the keen sting of being called out like that in front of a huge crowd of people, feeling the blow hit a little too close to home. Barb hadn’t answered her call, but Robin couldn’t exactly blame her there, either. 

Then Steve and Barb had showed up the next morning, blasting We Are Family through the windows of Steve’s fancy car, and the former King had cemented his new reputation. No longer was he known as royalty, or The Hair. No, now he was Steve “Dyke Defender” Harrington, and he apparently wore that badge proudly. 

It was enough to make Robin wonder if maybe there was something more to Bagel Crumb Boy. 

Eventually, Barb got back to Robin, and they started talking again like no time had passed at all. Not only because eventually Barb admitted to Robin that the rumors about her hadn’t exactly been wrong, but also because Robin hadn’t realized how much she’d missed having Barb to talk to. Even though she hadn’t been brave enough to come out herself, yet, she knew Barb would be in her corner regardless, and that gave Robin a sense of peace she’d never really known before.

————

Now that it was the fall and she was starting her junior year, most mornings Robin woke up trying to make sense of how her life had changed so drastically. After a summer of hanging around each other thanks to the persuasive powers of Barb, somehow Robin had reached the point where she could consider herself Steve Harrington’s friend. That was surprising enough on its own, but she also liked him. He was funny, and they had startlingly similar senses of humor, and he really seemed to give a shit about Robin and her feelings, which was new. 

Somehow, by complete accident, she’d ended up in a group of friends that felt like kindred spirits.

Before Robin knew it, she was in a world where she sat next to Steve Harrington at lunch every day, laughing at his corny jokes and watching him try to flirt with whatever girls still liked him, post-dethroning. There were still a lot more of them than Robin thought were strictly warranted, but that might have been her old friend jealousy perking up to say hello. 

Today was different, though. 

Today Steve was hung up on a boy. Or several, rather.

“Did you and Jonathan have a fight, or something?” Barb asked, following Steve’s gaze to where Jonathan Byers stood in the lunch line. Robin assumed that, like most days, he was only briefly stopping by to grab his food before taking it somewhere he wouldn’t have to interact with people much. 

Sometimes Jonathan sat with them, too. But usually he used their lunch break to decompress and go take photos of something before he got thrust back under the fluorescent lights and rigidly dull boredom of a classroom.

It was one of the reasons Robin found Jonathan wildly relatable. 

Robin still wasn't sure how exactly the little foursome of Steve, Jonathan, Nancy, and Barb had ended up being the best of friends, seemingly overnight, but she was pretty sure she'd get the whole story eventually.

“What?” Steve asked, startling at the sound of Barb’s voice alone, even though she was nearly talking at a whisper.

“You’re staring,” Barb pointed out. “And looking kind of miserable about it.”

“Oh. Well,” Steve chewed his lip, then quickly glanced around to see if anyone was paying the four of them any attention. They weren’t, because they were largely irrelevant, as far as social circles went. “We didn’t have a fight. I’ve just been having some…thoughts.”

“Dangerous,” Robin quipped, and Steve shot her a half-hearted glare. She took a little bit of pride in watching how the corner of his mouth twitched into a tiny smile all the same. 

“What kind of thoughts?” Nancy asked, though she had that look on her face that she got when she already knew the answer.

“The kind that make me wonder if I’ve been hanging around you two too much,” Steve muttered. Robin snorted, knowing exactly where this was going. 

“I don’t think it’s contagious, dingus,” she said, patting him on the shoulder. Although, even though Robin wasn’t out to any of the others yet, she did wonder if maybe their collective queerness drew them together like a magnet.

“What is?” Barb asked, not yet up to speed.

That was another thing about Steve—he and Robin seemed to ride the same wavelength at all times. Whenever the two of them thought something was obvious, it usually took an extra explainer for the others. 

“I just think he’s cute, is all,” Steve sighed, and Barb’s eyes went wide. Not because they hadn’t talked about Steve’s realization that he was also attracted to boys already. They’d actually spent a good chunk of the summer on that revelation, particularly on rather scorching days spent lounging at the pool while Steve stared agog at most people who walked by. He’d ask Robin, ironically enough, if he was crazy when he found a particular guy attractive. She’d done her best to pretend to have taste in boys, in the name of being supportive while staying safely ensconced in her own closet. Nancy's way of showing support, by contrast, was doing enough research to convince Steve that being bisexual was, indeed, a thing.

Today, Barb merely seemed surprised to hear Jonathan’s name mentioned in the context of Steve's thoroughly examined sexuality crisis.

Nancy started easily nodding along, taking in Jonathan’s profile from afar. Eventually she said, “I can see that."

“You can?” Barb asked her girlfriend, her surprise growing bigger still. 

“Yeah,” Nancy shrugged. 

Barb stared between Steve, who was absently picking the crust off his sandwich and trying not to make eye contact with anyone, and Nancy, who was obviously trying not to laugh at Barb’s reaction. Finally, Barb landed back on Steve.

“You want to date Jonathan?” she whispered so low that Robin could barely even hear her, despite the fact that they all had their heads bowed together across the width of the lunch table. 

“I didn’t say that!” Steve countered quickly. “I just…am noticing more, now, who I think is cute around here. Or letting myself notice, I guess.”

“Who else are we talking?” Robin asked with her eyebrows raised. She was honestly still flabbergasted that this was even something Steve talked with her about at all, given that she wasn’t out to him yet, either. But apparently all of her gay friends seemed to trust Robin to keep their secrets. It was enough to make her wonder if they had some idea about her, anyway.

“I mean, that new guy is hot,” Steve admitted as he leaned back in his chair. “He seems kind of like an asshole, though.”

“Definitely is one,” Barb muttered. “He’s already got Tommy and those guys hanging off him.” 

“Right, see?” Steve huffed. “That's why I’m very much in a look but don’t touch mode right now.”

“Really? There’s no one at all you’d want to shove into a locker and make out with?” Barb asked. She had a glint in her eye that let Robin know Barb already had a candidate in mind, and she just wanted Steve to own up to it. The way Steve glared at her before determinedly starting at his sandwich again told Robin that he knew that, too.

“Okay, fine. Maybe this guy in my English class.” Steve mumbled it so thoroughly that it all came out as one syllable, though. Barb and Nancy immediately turned to Robin for her to translate.

“This guy in his English class,” Robin obliged, enunciating to the best of her ability. 

“Say it a little louder, Rob,” Steve grumbled at her. 

“Okay, dingus. THIS GUY—” she started at an absurd volume, but Steve clapped a hand over her mouth with a truly tortured sounding sigh. It perked Robin up innumerably. 

“You should talk to him,” Nancy suggested, cheerfully redirecting them with practiced skill. 

Steve was already shaking his head, though. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Barb asked. 

Because even if he did, he runs the risk of getting shoved into a locker himself, but in the bad way. And probably much worse, if he’s too obvious about it, Robin thought cynically. She kept her mouth shut, though.

“Because he probably hates me,” Steve said. 

Robin rather sourly admitted to herself that this was likely true, too. At least, it probably was if this guy hadn’t already been one of King Steve’s worshipers. And if he was one of those, that likely meant he didn’t deserve the actual Steve that Robin had come to know.

Weird, Robin told herself. She still couldn’t adjust to liking this guy enough to think he deserved the best a boyfriend or girlfriend could give him. But she did. 

“Why would he hate you?” Nancy asked.

“Because most smart people around here do,” Steve said glumly. “And he’s really smart.”

“Um,” Barb cleared her throat, then leveled Steve with a stern look. “You’re sitting with possibly three of the smartest people you’ll ever meet, Steve. None of us hate you.”

“But you all used to,” Steve pointed out flatly.

“And now we know you,” Barb argued. “And that changes things. Right, Robin?”

Barb kicked her under the table, and Robin jolted up out of her slouch.

“Right!” Robin agreed. Even though she wasn’t entirely aware of how to deal with this new version of Steve Harrington, she had begrudgingly admitted that she actually liked him a lot quite a while ago. “You’re much less of an asshole than I thought.”

“Thank you,” Steve deadpanned. 

“You’re welcome,” Robin said in as chipper a tone she could muster. “They’re right, though.”

“About?”

“The mystery man,” Robin clarified, even though she couldn’t believe she was doing it. This felt like playing with fire, but the funny thing about that was that it still warmed her heart. “If you talk to him, get to know him, he won’t hate you. Maybe he already doesn’t.”

————

After school, Robin was having particular trouble wrestling her bike lock open. She really needed a new one, but she also couldn’t afford it. She was about thirty seconds from giving up and walking when Steve crouched down beside her.

“Need some help?” He asked, flashing that annoyingly charming smile of his at her before he got to work unsticking the lock. He didn’t wait for Robin’s reply, she noticed. She didn’t argue, though, instead choosing to watch the way some of his stupid hair flopped over his forehead while he freed her bike from its prison. The lock finally popped open with a click. “There.” 

“Thanks,” Robin said, taking Steve’s offered hand as she dragged herself up off the ground. He held on to her for just a fraction too long, probably aware that Robin took at least an extra two-to-three seconds to get her bearings compared to everyone else. 

“No problem,” Steve smiled again, then leaned against the brick wall of the school. Robin tensed. She only ever saw Steve lean against things when he was flirting. “You want a ride? We can go get some ice cream, or something?”

“Um,” She stalled, now seeing his helping hand and the gentle grip on her waist in an entirely different light. Especially when he kept smiling at her like that. “What happened to the guy from English class?”

“What?” Steve asked, pinching his eyebrows together in confusion.

Robin didn’t quite feel like waiting for whatever telepathic thing they had going on to kick in, so she just said it outright.

“Just because I don’t think you’re a douchebag anymore doesn’t mean I think we should date, is all,” Robin managed to get out. 

“Um,” Steve scratched his neck and let out a small squeak of a laugh. He looked almost apologetic, and Robin realized she’d probably taken a wayward turn, somewhere. “I wasn’t asking you out. Just thought we could…hang out. Like friends do? Like we do?”

“Oh,” Robin said, feeling like an idiot all of a sudden. She’d gone and had a minor freak out just because Steve leaned against something. She thought maybe the only way to stop the mad awkwardness spreading like a virus through her mind was to tell him the truth, and soon. It was starting to make Robin paranoid, letting people think she was straight. Which was ironic, because it used to be the other way around. 

“Yeah,” Steve nodded with a small smile. “Oh.”

Robin shuffled her feet uncomfortably, feeling like maybe she owed him an apology now, but Steve saved her the trouble. 

“So. Ice cream?” he asked again, still wanting to hang around her for some reason.

“Sure! Right. But, um,” Robin chewed her bottom lip. “What about my bike?”

“It’ll fit in the trunk,” Steve shrugged, then nodded in the direction of his car, inviting Robin to follow.

“How come I’m the only one you let eat in here?” Robin asked around a mouthful of mint chip, twenty minutes later. They were sitting in Steve’s car in the parking lot of the local ice cream shop, since Steve insisted their cookie dough was better than anything Dairy Queen could come up with. “I’m the clumsiest person you know, waving the messiest thing you can eat around your leather interior.”

“Buffalo wings are the messiest thing you can eat,” Steve corrected her with a grin. “Or maybe crab legs. Not ice cream in a cup.”

“Okay, rich boy,” Robin groaned. “Answer the question.”

Steve rolled his eyes at her and shoved another spoonful of ice cream in his face before he bothered to reply.

“You might be the clumsiest person I know,” he admitted without fanfare, “but I also happen to like you the best.���

“What?” Robin asked, nearly choking. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” Steve scoffed like that should have been obvious to Robin. It totally wasn’t, though, especially since he wasn’t trying to hit on her.

“Why?” she blurted.

“You’re cool,” Steve started, but had to pause in light of how loudly Robin snorted. He didn’t argue with her disbelief, though. He just kept going. “You’re funny, you’re crazy smart, you’re always honest, and you don’t fuck around with people’s feelings. I’m always laughing with you, even when no one else gets our jokes. You’re kind of my best friend, Robin.”

Robin really didn’t know what to make of that, except for the fact that she was surprised to find she felt the same way. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t give him some shit for it, though.

“Oh, am I?” She asked, tone teasing. 

“Yes,” Steve grumbled. “Am I not yours?”

“Pft,” Robin blew out a puff of air. “Not even close.”

“No?” Steve gasped, putting on a pout now.

“Nope,” Robin said simply.

“Not even top five?”

“Eeeeh,” Robin wobbled her hand midair, like maybe Steve could tip the scales if he tried harder. 

“You’re meaner than I thought,” he said flatly, but couldn’t hold a grin off his face for too long. Neither could Robin.

“You’re nicer than I thought,” she countered. Steve chuckled to start, a soft appreciative little laugh. But then they made eye-contact and lost control of themselves. They tumbled into silly, senseless laughter, just spurring each other deeper into whatever they both found so hilarious in that moment. Robin wasn’t even sure that she knew, beyond maybe being on a sugar high. She only knew Steve’s laughter was contagious.

It always made her feel lighter, to be around him like this. So by the time they both calmed down, she decided to be upfront with him.

“I haven’t really had a best friend,” Robin admitted. “Not for a long time, anyway. Maybe not since Barb, the first time around.”

“The last best friend I had was a dickhead, so,” Steve lifted one shoulder in a shrug, “maybe they're overrated.”

“They’re not,” Robin disagreed, hiding a smile by staring down at the spoon in her hand. Eventually she was brave enough to look back up at Steve, to find he looked both confused and hopeful all at once. It was pretty cute, in an overwhelmingly platonic sort of way. “You’re mine, too, dingus.”

Steve’s smile was all-encompassing, taking over his whole face in an instant. Robin still didn’t know how to handle the little bubble of warmth in her chest that it gave her, so she gave him an affectionate punch on the arm, and changed the subject.

“Speaking of which. Do you have notes from Click’s class?” Robin asked of the only class they shared together. For the second year in a row, the powers that be at Hawkins High decided that Steve and Robin were on the same skill level for learning history. Robin wasn’t sure what that said about either of them.

“Um, no?” Steve answered, surprised like it was the first time someone had ever asked him for notes. “No one’s ever asked for my notes, before.”

Robin bit down on a laugh, not wanting him to misconstrue it as her thinking he was stupid when it was really just his voicing her exact thoughts again. They’d only declared each other to be best friends all of a minute ago, but Robin knew Steve was sensitive about that. In fact, she was kind of surprised he didn’t have notes.

“How is that possible?” she asked. “You’re constantly writing in that class!” 

“Doodling, mostly,” Steve laughed. “Why don’t you have notes, smarty pants?”

“Oh, I haven’t been paying attention in there all semester,” Robin answered a little too quickly. Now she’d have to come up with a reason for that, because Steve was absolutely pursing his lips to ask.

“Why not?”

“No reason…” Robin hedged. Just because they were best friends didn’t mean she was quite sure how to admit that she liked girls, and that Tammy Thompson so thoroughly distracted Robin that she turned into a bumbling buffoon at every turn. For two semesters running.  

Steve could have pressed it, Robin even expected him to, but he took his time finishing his cookie dough before saying another word. Then he surprised her.

“Want to know a secret?” he asked, smiling at Robin conspiratorially.

“Obviously,” Robin said. 

“The guy from English? He’s in history with us, too,” Steve admitted, and Robin felt her eyebrows shoot off her forehead and into orbit. She barely had time to squeak before Steve continued with a worried look on his face. “Don’t tell Barb or Nance, though. Barb already suspects who it is and if she finds out for real she’s gonna make me talk to him. Like that would ever go anywhere.”

That was a lot to process, but Robin didn’t really feel the need to make it clear she understood the concept of a secret. Of course she wasn’t going to tell anyone else. Instead, she asked, “Why are you so hellbent on thinking this guy hates you?”

For some reason, Steve’s mouth pinched right after Robin said hellbent, and she thought there might be a clue to suss out there. She started sorting through her mental Rolodex of everyone else that was in that class with them. The problem was she rarely paid attention to anyone but Tammy in those hours, let alone any guys. Usually Robin’s lens of focus was limited to the chain of her staring at Tammy staring at Steve. Apparently she’d have to extend that to see who Steve was staring at, too.

Robin picked at the last dredges of her ice cream and wondered if maybe anyone would ever stare at her. 

“It’s not just that,” Steve sighed. “I mean. Even if he doesn’t hate me, and we end up friends? It’s not like I can actually shove him against a locker and make out with him.”

“Well, maybe not with anyone around,” Robin amended. 

“What are the odds of him being into dudes, too?” Steve let out a bitter laugh. “I mean, really. This is Hawkins.”

“I wouldn’t make too many assumptions there, Steve,” Robin all but whispered. Even knowing she was about to tell Steve the truth, all of it, and knowing she was safe to, Robin still felt her throat closing up around the words. 

“Why not?” Steve asked softly, not missing how her demeanor had changed for a second. 

Robin took a deep breath, then let it out in a rush.

“Because apparently there are more of us around than I realized,” Robin said, turning to give Steve a tight smile. She managed to keep her tears from spilling over, which she counted as a win. Robin sat there, holding her breath and waiting, as Steve paused to absorb what she was saying. At first Robin thought she hadn’t been clear enough, but Steve mouthed the word ‘us’ to himself, and his eyes widened as he put the pieces together.

“Oh,” he breathed, before breaking out in another little smile. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” Robin nodded. She felt like her whole body was full of pins and needles.

“That’s cool,” Steve mirrored her nod, smiling at Robin like she really was his favorite person. It finally made her relax again. 

“Thanks,” Robin chuckled. "I know you're a staunch defender of us lesbians."

"That's me," Steve deadpanned, but offered Robin a wry smile. She reached across the center console to ruffle his hair, relishing the relief of having finally said it aloud to someone flooding through her. Steve made an affronted noise, quickly turning to fix his hair in the mirror, and Robin just laughed at him harder. 

“Is there anyone that you want to shove up against a locker?” Steve parried once he felt he had his pride and joy back under control. When Robin’s only response was a groan, his eyes lit up again. “Ooooh! Who!”

“Nope,” Robin rejected this idea on principle, shaking her head furiously as she did.

“Oh, come on,” Steve whined, really pouting now. “I’ll tell you mine!”

“I already know yours,” Robin scoffed, bluffing. To compensate, she rolled down her window and threw her empty ice cream cup into the trash can they were parked next to. Then she folded her arms across her chest and tried to give Steve a stern look. 

“Nah,” Steve shook his head after narrowing his eyes at her for a beat. “You don’t know.”

He was right, of course, but Robin was sure she could figure it out if only she gave it enough thought. So she stared Steve down, thinking about the kind of people she already knew he found attractive. Nancy, for one, but that wasn’t entirely helpful considering he tended to like any pretty girl. He did tend to skew towards brunettes, though. Then of course there was the Jonathan revelation, which was interesting. Robin would have assumed Steve liked more polished types, like him. But the new guy, Billy something or other, wasn’t exactly preppy, either. His whole vibe screamed badass, even if it wasn’t necessarily in a good way. There were better options for pretty but with leather in Hawkins, even Robin had to admit.

Then Robin remembered how Steve’s mouth pinched when she’d said hellbent. Almost like he thought she might say hellfire. She broke out in a victorious grin, already knowing she had Steve figured out.

“Eddie Munson?!” she half-shrieked. Even if Robin hadn’t already been sure, the way the tips of Steve’s ears turned pink would have convinced her.

“How did you…?” He didn’t even bother to finish the sentence, opting instead to stare at Robin, mouth agape. 

A whole litany of examples of proof came flooding into Robin’s mind at that point, like that bit of information clicking had opened a door to all the shit she must have subconsciously picked up on and filed away when she was wondering what Tammy Thompson’s lip gloss tasted like.

She was happy to list them for Steve’s benefit.

“You stare, for one,” Robin said, ticking off fingers. “You laugh at his obnoxious jokes, even when no one else does. I’ve seen him make you blush, more than once, come to think of it. And you kind of have a type.”

Steve just kept staring at her, without objection. Robin thought maybe she could stun him out of his silence, since that was how she’d put him in it in the first place.

“For what it’s worth? I think you have a shot,” she said. Robin didn’t know much about picking queer men out from a crowd, obviously, but Munson spent a whole lot of his time paying attention to Steve, too. 

That only seemed to stun Steve further, though. He grunted, sort of, though it sounded a little bit like a whimper. Then he turned the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot. It didn’t seem like they were headed anywhere in particular, but Robin didn’t mind.

After a few more minutes of silence, Robin was starting to worry that she’d broken his brain when Steve finally spoke again.

“You don’t have to tell me who you like,” Steve said simply, rescinding his earlier demands. It seemed like he was actually starting to drive in the direction of her house, now. “But I am glad that you told me about you.”

“Me too, dingus,” Robin said. It was possible she’d never meant anything more sincerely. 

By the time Steve pulled up beside the curb outside her house, Robin threw caution to the wind. 

“Tammy Thompson,” she admitted aloud, for the first time ever. Somehow it was more nerve-wracking than telling Steve she was gay at all.

“What?” he half-yelled, twisting around in the driver’s seat to face her. “How? Why?”

“She’s pretty!” Robin defended her taste as much as Tammy. She kind of thought that would have been enough for Steve, but he was still eyeing her skeptically. So she added, “And she can sing.”

“She sounds like a muppet, but okay,” Steve drawled. 

“She does not!” Robin exclaimed. Despite her indignation, she couldn’t quite keep the laugh out of her voice. Steve caught it, and laughed with her.

“She totally does,” he chuckled, then tilted his head at her. “I totally thought you were gonna say someone like…I don’t know. Chrissy Cunningham.”

“Chrissy Cunningham doesn’t even know I exist,” Robin said scornfully. “Talk about playing above my league.”

Steve was wildly shaking his head back and forth, though.

“Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope,” he said. “No talk like that in my car. You’re very much worthy of a Chrissy Cunningham. Plus, even if she doesn’t know you now, I bet she’d want to. She likes everybody, as long as you’re not a complete asshole.”

“So does that mean she hates you, then?” Robin opted for the joke instead of continuing to debate the merits of her switching to crushing on everyone’s favorite cheerleader. 

“Asshole!” Steve volleyed back at her with a laugh.

“And me too, apparently,” Robin grinned.

————

Robin still didn’t have any notes for Mrs. Click’s class, so she was really trying to focus on anything but Tammy, and Steve, and now Eddie, so she could actually take in some of this crap she had to memorize long enough to repeat it back on a test. 

It wasn’t going great, because now she was invested in the Steve and Eddie story line. Particularly since they were passing notes back and forth at the moment. Every time Steve bit his lip or tinted slightly pink, Robin was dying to know what they were saying to each other. But every time she kicked the back of Steve’s chair to try and get his attention, he shooed her off and went back to scribbling out a reply to Eddie.

Eddie, for his part, seemed equally affected by Steve, as he frequently slouched even lower in his chair or hid a smile behind his ever-growing hair whenever he read one of Steve’s replies.

They were almost sickeningly cute. She was happy they were getting along, at the very least, but it seemed like flirting from where she was sitting.

“Oh, you’re asking for it, big boy,” Eddie said then, looking up from whatever Steve had written last with a little bit of astonishment in his eyes. 

Robin rolled hers. Definitely flirting. 

Even though she was happy for Steve, it still sent a pang of jealousy coursing through her. She wondered if Steve was just abnormally lucky, or if she wasn’t looking in the right places for a crush that might acknowledge her. When she realized she was drifting away from the point of this class again—history, not finding a girlfriend—she gripped her pencil so hard it snapped the tip off. 

Groaning aloud over it, Robin leaned over to try and find another one in her bag. Before she got it fully unzipped, though, someone tapped her on the shoulder. 

Robin looked up to find none other than Chrissy Cunningham smiling down at her over the edge of her desk. Robin stared up at her for half a beat too long, noticing how Chrissy's signature ponytail dangled over her shoulder and gave Robin a lungful of the citrusy smell of her shampoo.

“Here,” she said, offering Robin a spare pencil. Hesitantly—probably too hesitantly—Robin reached up and accepted it. She was pretty sure she was gaping at Chrissy’s having acknowledged her, though, because Chrissy laughed a little nervously.

“Sorry, I was staring a little,” she whispered. Then she paused, eyes widening, and course corrected. “At your bracelet, I mean! It’s really pretty, by the way. Um. So I noticed the—” Chrissy stopped to mime snapping a pencil in half, adding a little cracking noise along with it.

It was adorable enough to be a whole new kind of distracting.

“Right,” Robin managed a smile that she hoped was friendly and not completely creepy. “Thanks.”

“Anytime,” Chrissy smiled again. 

This time, Steve had to kick Robin’s desk to get her to even remember what world she was living in. 

[agi-ppangx]

pairing: lee know x reader

word count: 813

tags: non-idol au, genderfluid!reader, afab!reader, estabilished relationship

warnings: gender dysphoria, tiny bit of angst i guess?? but it gets fluffy and comforting pretty quickly

summary: it's not easy to stay true to yourself when everyone doesn't see the real you, but your boyfriend is there to remind you of something important

author's note: omg its my first drabble!!!!! its oddly specific and i basically wrote it for myself since i struggle with my gender dysphoria and i needed something comforting, so here it is!! and for all my genderqueer folks out there - youre valid no matter how you look and how you act, please remember that there are people wholl love you for who you are<3

your hair was too long. you'd thought about getting a haircut for a while now and finally decided to make an appointment with your hairdresser. you decided to cut it really short, since you'd always wanted your appearance to be more masculine. but now, on your way home your happiness mixed with anxiety. you are beyond excited because you finally feel comfortable with the length and it just feels right. but at the same time you have this guilt deep down your heart - what if you shouldn't try to look that masculine?

you haven't come out to your relatives yet. it is complicated and you want to avoid fighting with them at any cost - in your parents' eyes you are their beautiful daughter and they are not thrilled about your appearance. therefore, it isn't easy to stay true to yourself when everyone around you expects you to look feminine and act like a woman when you don't feel like one.

you enter your small apartment with a morose face. you drop your bag on the floor next to your shoes and go straight to the living room. minho's sitting there, reading a book he borrowed from you a while ago. you drop yourself next to him with a loud exhale.

"hi~ you look really pretty," minho states with a smile, his hand already running through your soft, short strands. you only hum in a response, not looking at him. you wonder if he really means it or if he's just being polite. he notices your sad expression and asks "hey, everything okay? do you not like the hairstyle? if this is not what you wanted then i'll go and have a proper conversation with the hairdresser" he chuckles in an attempt to lighten the mood, yet you still don't smile. after a while you eventually speak "does my appearance bother you? you know, 'cause i don't really look feminine" you mumble, voice shaky. minho looks at you with wide eyes. "why would it bother me?" he frowns, startled with your words. "i dunno, i just… nevermind, it's silly," you mutter, shaking your head, and try to get up from the couch, but minho is faster. he grabs your wrist, forcing you to stay with him and gently caresses your cheek with his other hand. "what's going on?" he says softly. you feel the sting in the corners of your eyes and start blinking fast so the tears won't fall. "i just… sometimes i wonder if i do the right thing. i feel like everyone expects me to act and look feminine and it sucks. it makes me think that people don't take me seriously nor find me attractive because of my masculine look. it really hurts to not feel valid," you say it in one breath. minho's been looking at you in silence for a while and you begin to think that what you said might really have been stupid. you feel the tears slowly falling down your cheeks. but just then, you hear minho say "one of the things i love about you is that you always stay true to yourself. even when people throw weird looks at you, you still do your thing" he stated, lacing your fingers together. "it makes me so happy to see you being excited about your outfits and how it makes you look exactly the way you want yourself to. i absolutely adore everything about you and, answering your question, no, it doesn't bother me that you don't look feminine. and you know why?" you shake your head no, face wet from the tears that have fallen when minho was speaking. "because i fell in love with you, with your appearance and your one-of-the-kind personality. i still love it and i'll love it for the rest of my life, because i love you. you don't have to pretend to be someone else just because you don't fall into some people's vision of the world," minho presses a soft kiss to the crown of your head. you wrap your arms around his waist and sob into his chest. "however, we might consider going shopping. you've already stolen half of my t-shirts," he adds, pretending to be annoyed, but he can finally hear you giggle a little. you move away from his chest and you look into his eyes. "thank you baby" you say quietly with a faint smile and press a long kiss to his lips.

later, when you lay in bed, minho cuddles you close and runs his hand through your hair, kissing it softly from time to time. his words may not have erased all of your insecurities and worries, but his reassurance was enough for now for you to feel more confident about your identity. because just like he said, you don't have to try and be someone else just to please other people.

[mammomlette]

SOLMARE WHEN I CATCH YOU SOLMARE. STOP THIS MADNESS AND LISTEN

solmare I swear if you make mammon have ONE more intimate moment with MC only to be interrupted by the usual perps (Lucifer, Levi and Luke) (damn Ls) I will explode. ESPECIALLY if it ends with mammon going “AAA evil brothers😡angry chiwawa🤣anyway I gotta skiddadle!” And running away. Every time that happens an angel loses its wings

Tell me why you give mammon character development in a scene, we have a deep chat, you can smooch him or whatever, and the whole 2-lesson-arc has been leading up to this moment of vulnerability and hopefully character development only to make him run away and lose literally everything that this mini-arc taught him. Surely. SURELY there is a point in time between making a pact with him and like idk the end of season 3 when mammon realises his relationship (platonic, romantic, whatever it is for your MC) with MC is more important than Grimm to him. Not entirely, because that’s a core part of his character, just a point where he realises “hm I’m going to TRY paying Levi back so he stops interrupting me! And try calm down for lucifer so I can spend more time with MC instead of hanging from the ceiling!” Right? RIGHT??!!!?!

We see time and time AGAIN how much he cares for MC (feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but he’s one of the only 2 brothers who hasn’t directly/intentionally endangered MC and I THINK he was the only one who seemed distraught at their death??? Last one is probs wrong) but he still finds a way to abandon MC every time someone’s shouts “MAMMONNNN” or starts chasing him. Like, bro. I get you’re a wimp with crippling debt but the LEAST you could do is drag MC with you so that they don’t get in trouble instead since he clearly cares for them😞🙏

And him running away being for comedic purposes isn’t even a valid reason for it to happen because there are funny ways for him to NOT just abandon us. 1) he could hide instead. There is a scene I believe is in season 2(?) where he’s in his room with MC, Levi storms in and they hide in his car. Not sure if they made a funny thing out of hiding in a car, but that scene led to Levi saying that he couldn’t smell mammon and meme on calling him a blood hound. Idk about you but I for one certainly har-har’d at that. Plus, hiding would be a nice change of pace from mammons usual running away. Option 2) Mammon could drag us with him??? I don’t play events or devilgram because I’m too lazy and poor for that but I’m like 99% sure that in the main story of OG game, mammon does NOT bring us with him any time he’s running away, which is weird because he’s always yelling that we should be with him cause he’s “our first” (his words not mine obv) but I don’t remember any scenes that he brings us with him when he needs to leave?? I would LOVE to be wrong on that part so please correct me if I’m wrong but I sadly don’t think I am. Option 3) Picture this: mammon gets spooked, screeches because he’s a wuss, he runs away (whether it be from a person, witch, whatever is after him) only to realise: “Wait! I left my favourite person behind! Whoops!” And he runs back and grabs MC (Maybe by the sleeve like a toddler, maybe by the hair, maybe he even princess carries them because yes) that’s it. That’s the whole thing. Mammon drags/carries MC after forgetting them. You could even expand on that and have him apologise for it, or get all flustered and deny he forgot MC, or act all proud like he saved MC as if he isn’t the reason MC is in danger or was left behind in the first place MMMITS SO GOOD SOLMARE FEED ME

All I’m asking is for solmare to PLEASE let us have a long, well-written and intimate moment with mammon that isn’t interrupted, or if it is he TAKES US WITH HIM or COMES RIGHT BACK FOR US when he runs away. I beg

PS this isn’t proof read any imperfections are just part of the masterpiece or smthn. Ty for coming to my ted talk

[hearts401]

do you have any ideas in mind for how swap!evans scrap baby design would look, assuming its different from regular scrap baby? (since yk, its implied(?) they rebuilt themself after getting kicked out of ennard)

oh and how did/do evan and circus baby interact/feel about each other?

-cross

I DREW THIS ASK TODAY AND CANNOT SHARE THE ART BC ITS. ON PAPER. AND I DONT HAVE MY PHONE

But i thought id answer anyways, ill rb with a doodle if i can manage one (maybe in my animation class?)

first of all, he'd not be half as smashed up as liz was. he wanted to be cute and whatever, and his goal is. not killing ppl lmao.

so he goes back and gets a discarded unused circus baby faceplate from the bunker. its old and the faceplates dont move well at all (rusty and stuck together, mostly) but its not horrible. its also cracked a bit but. what can you do?

instead of wires and whatever i think hed want something softer to use for hair so i gave him some sort of fucked up string. its thick and fluffy but falling appart :( poor dude he also got other discarded animatronic concepts that william and henry kept in case they wanted to use them elsewhere. evan still has the claw on one hand but the other is an unnecessarily large paw (he cant exactly remember why at this point, but he loves bears so the paw caught his eye)

his outfit is just cloathes he found in the garbage and therefore doesnt fit well. and his torso is just the usual circus baby torso if not a bit fucked up by all the time itd been left in the bunker. its also cracked and rusty similar to his mask

his feet r just whatever he could find, but those wont even be seen a lot bc hes in the vents so who cares

the big paw is also one of the same as what molten freddy dug up to replace the rubber hose esque hands ennard had (not REALLY rubber hose but meant to look the part yk?)

as for evs relationship w cbby, its complicated. he initially wants nothing to do with the animatronic or possessing it, but when he sees liz he suddenly wants to seize control (hence bouncing between circus baby and evan)

at that time, there was still a pretty clear line between evan and cbby, bc of how hed avoided her n shit in a way bc he cant. he cant leave her lmao but he just didnt try to BE her. still while SL takes place the line does blur between him and cbby.

post scoop he finds mike and tells him about elizabeth and for a while michael keeps him seperate from the other animatronics bc yk, having someone he KNEW was his sibling and who KNEW his identity helped him and michael is the most conscious of everyone. and so he once again was aware of who he was but when michael and the funtimes both dumped him they reallty merged and it became unclear who was who (which lead to his memories getting fucked wehn he was rebuilding himself) and just overall hes weird and Not Evan Anymore. especially because evan being rejected by michael compared to circus baby being abandoned by william and the funtimes and that pain of being thrown to the curb causing anger in both that ended with them having such similar ideas and feelings that they might as well be the same entity

as far as interactions go, they really didnt interact much for a VERY long time and when they did it was quick and uncomfortable. but when evan tried to wrestle control back its started a weird silent relationshi

Circus baby did not want to get rid of him, she didnt entirely know what he was ("I still hear her sometimes" yk?) other than shed killed him and sometimes shed say things she didnt think.

evan didnt like how everything was going with elizabeth, so he wanted to subtly steer her elsewhere. however, between his own bitterness at her leaving him alone and inadvertently causing his death, and circus baby and him becoming one, he eventually began leading her to the scooper.

and evan is a lot more convincing than circus baby was.

its not until he's set free that evan is actually evan again

[molthethratrenerd]

my gender

This is gonna be a long rant abt my gender so you do have to read it. I just need to say it.

Ok so ive been question my gender/sexuality for like 3-4 years now and i this was kinda it

Oh i'm a bi girl -> im pan girl -> lesbian -> pan she/they still a girl but queerer

Then like i was more worried about trying to figure out my sexuality right cause like i wanted to be kissed before my 16th (that didn't happen) 

Then like maybe mid 2022 i started thinking about gender and i knew 2 trans people but i was kinda like no that can't be me flashforward to march 2023 i got in to will wood and i was like ‘no way i'm in anyway trans but if i could be him i would’ and i like said to myself that i just thought he was attractive?? Then the same thing happened with the character jesse st james from glee which was even weird because there was no way i would want to date him, so thats when she/they pronouns came in i put it in my bio. Then kids from my class found out and made fun of it so i changed em back to she/her. 

Then since like september last year it feels like minimum weekly i’d either not be able to stop thinking abt gender or take way too many ‘what's my gender quizzes’ 

And like i feel its alway been in the day of my head, but its becoming more prevalent since then ive been like could i be non binary, genderfluid pintrest boards. At the beginning of the year i cut my hair again, which felt so good,.

So now somedays im having thoughts like ‘oh my fucking god why cant i drink something and be a guy’ ‘please for fucks sake’ though im nor sure id like to be a man im not 100% sure im a girl (im moving further from that). But like if there was like a magical thing i could drink do idk that would turn every inch into like robert smith between 1983-2004 id do it so quickly omg. 

And like it kinda hurts that i'm not idk (and ive never felt this for any girl celebrities)

And i kinda think they are also there those thoughts but some days theyre less i thinks thats just cus im distracting myself though i dont know i could be fluid. 

But i dont want to be any guy like the men in my family most of them are big i cant think of a better word then buffheads more so my dad but i could just not want to be like them i dont have a good relationship 

I dont think i HATE being a girl- i don't love it i like some parts but i dont think its things exclusive to girls say cause gender norms n stuff. 

I dont know if i have dysphoria because that fluctuates but im vision impaired so if i dont try and look at my body i forget some of it exists i really dont like my boobs or how clothes sit on my body think i like okay with having a cups (that i could easly hide if i wanted to  i dont but that cause also be cause by the pain they cause me.

My waist i like but only because that's the part of my body thats skinnest like my body was less shapely but that skinny id be elated.

But especially o the days i think abt it more but also all the time i do wish for more masc features eg adams apple more angular face bigger hands etc etc.Voices of weird one because my voice is in mezzo soprano range my speaking voice however in chest voice is kinda low  but I was self-conscious about it growing up because it made me stand out in different even though really it wasn't I think I just thought people were staring at me for no reason.  I think I only like my voice when I'm singing when I'm acting because I can imagine myself playing characters who aren't me but idk but if it was lower like high baritone or tenor id be like so fucking happy.

And like i Kind of want to try dressing differently but I can't because a I don't want my family to know certain pieces of clothing would be mens Not that they have a problem with it I'm assuming they could though but they probably just want to talk about it and I would not but also like  I remember one time I was at the shop called Factorie  and I wanted to get the Black Parade t-shirt but it was a mens shirt  and my god the amount of anxiety I had and the amount of people that I felt were staring at me I almost had a panic attack. 

And like I feel like if I ever did do anything about gender irl  I'd run away from everyone I know and cut of connections again not because I feel like they'd be bad about it but just I've built this thing around myself so long and I don't think I could even my queer friends like i dont know  my parents I'd feel like I'd be letting them down, and like 

But also so much for my childhood makes sense

Like when I was about 8 I got eczema for the first time and my first thought was ‘oh im turning into a boy… shit what am I gonna tell my parents’  which I don't even know why my brain made that jump but i hated my boobs sometimes more then others Once they got past a certain size,  when I had a pixie cut and a couple people in the street would mistake me for a boy felt exposed ‘like shh don't tell’ 

But I was also such a girly todder/ child  from like ages four Tube8 I would pride myself on being the girlest girl never wearing pants  because I kind of think it was trying to win that competition but I don't know         

I don't think anybody read this whole thing but if you did help me out or don't I don't care but I just needed to vent this 

m

[danketsuround]

sunday six!

typical monday six for me cause i forgot yesterday was sunday lol i was tagged by @four-white-trees and @overdevelopedglasses woo! thank you! i will tag everyone else i usually tag @c-cw-f-saeko @fire-tempers-steel @futilecombat @passthroughtime (think that's everyone? lmk if u want to be tagged/untagged) (share if you want don't if you don't as usual HI)

sharing something different cause i wasn't feeling well this weekend and i have this written already. little extra thing from two birds that expands on the letters kuwana and reiko wrote to each other. kind of long but i don't like it enough to post so just take the whole thing gosh!

To Kusumoto-san,

How are you? I'm sorry I haven't written yet. I just figured out how this works in the midst of moving around. Ehime is a nice place. Far, temperate. The people in Masaki are a little too friendly. Not sure I could say the same about Matsuyama, though, I guess that's the city to a stranger. It seems silly to say, but I hope you're making some friends, if you can.

When we first drove in, a seagull shat on my car. Right on the windshield! I almost killed us both. I know you just jumped at the thought, but we're really okay. Mitsuru made fun at me for getting so startled. He's a good kid. He's a lot like you and nothing like me. Thank God. Despite our differences I think we're getting along.

We came to Matsuyama for a bit. We wanted to pop in and see you but they told us it doesn't work that way. That day it really hit that you were in prison, and not just away on a terrible vacation. I guess I'll never get over missing you. It really upset Mitsuru, so I took him to do tourist stuff instead. It was nice because a lot of people visit those areas, so the wheelchair wasn't really a problem like it is on these gravely rural roads. We met the mascot, Mikyan, and took a picture with him. I'm sure it fell out when you tore open this envelope. Did you know Ehime is famous for its mandarins? They really won't let you forget it! The photo was just going to be of Mitsuru, but this lady behind me said she could take a photo of the both of us, and I got too shy to say no. I'd never do that! Maybe I'm a changed man after all. Anyways, you have the both of us now—though it wasn't like you didn't before.

Mitsuru gave me a haircut. I look ridiculous. You can see it in the photo, right? I would have done a better job blindfolded, but he seemed proud of it, so I kept it. His hair looks pretty choppy now, but not out of revenge. I just suck at cutting hair. Did I tell you that he's trying to get his high school diploma? What a dedicated young man you've raised. I technically still have my teaching license, so I've been helping. Feels good. It's weird. Whenever I help him, I remember why I became a teacher in the first place. Ironic, isn't it? I want to tell you everything but I'll save it for the next time we see you. I'm sorry for cutting it so short, but I have a favor to ask you.

The nurses in Ijincho explained a bunch of stuff to me about Mitsuru's condition and printed it out. It's expectedly massive. Sorry to be a pain, but would you mind taking a look at it and tell me what to do? Advice? I can't make sense of it all. Or maybe I refuse to believe it. Is he really hurt so badly? What does he think of all this? I wonder about it. I wonder about it a lot. He seems fine, but then I look at all his X-rays and blood tests and I don't know what to think. How do I get him too eat? To grab things? To smile? I'm taking it one step at a time, but these technical terms are a big hurdle. You can read it, right? You've always been so much smarter than me. I'm sorry again. I'm lost. Thank you. I'm running out of room. They've got a limit on paper for prison letters. Seems strict.

Mitsuru wanted to say:

M iSsyou Mo M

- Mi Tsu ru

He's got a damn strong grip on his pencil. You'd be proud.

Until then,

Yu

Kitakata,

It's good to finally hear from you. I'm doing as well as I can. You seem to be the same. I checked a map of Masaki to try and place you two. It seems like a nice town. Are you getting used to the short buildings and the little beach?

I've been friendly with some of the other inmates, and the seagulls here do the same, but I've been safer than you.

I got your picture. How cute. Your haircut isn't so bad, he did a good job.

I looked at the documents. I know what you mean. I expect you already know to use the feeding tube and how to bathe him. It's not surprising he did not respond well to the catheter. I wouldn't either.

Firstly, Mitsuru has anterograde amnesia. That means he has a very difficult time forming short term memory, even if his long term memory is intact. Remember when you told me he didn't know your name, even though you told him earlier? That's why. I'm not sure why he doesn't remember your face from before. I suppose that's a fortunate mystery. You may have noticed the nurses doing this, but if you tell him the same things over and over again, he'll have an easier time forming new memories. He knows what to call you now because you said it so many times. I'm sure he knows I'm in prison because the nurses told him many times, too. That's what I get.

I'm sure you're well aware of his mental health. He seems to go up and down a lot, I bet. Like his body, his brain is suck at seventeen. Doesn't he seem so... frozen in time to you? He's like an old doll, destined to be a kid forever. I'd be jealous if that was the end of it. The nurses observed that he sometimes behaves like a much younger child. Have you seen him suck his thumb? Does he tug at you when he wants your attention? Hug you at night? It's an acute stress response. He's defending his body from his mind—that's what that means.

Lastly, his food. It's not very difficult to do. Steam it for thirty minutes. If you lose track of time and think you've cooked it for too long, add another ten minutes. I did that when he was little. He hated vegetables until they weren't shaped much like vegetables anymore. He'd swallow his food whole to hurry up and play outside again, so boil it thoroughly. It should be the consistency of chewed gum or silt. Try it yourself, add salt if you hate it. He doesn't like broccoli. No broccoli. Like everything else, he's still relearning how to chew. Don't push him. He’s sensitive. You know that already, just like you know how to do all this other stuff. You have good intuition, and great memory, and it helps that Mitsuru seems to love you. Even still, don't push him. No broccoli. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Don't expect me to say anything else, I'll see you soon.

Kusumoto Reiko

[nagito-kissmaeda]

hi bree <33

i heard that you’re into Astarion and Nagito so i was like ooh you’ve got great taste! :D

then i was like ooh wait- do you think Astarion and Nagito are similar? (other than the white hair and the “pathetic lil meow meow” (/endearing) vibes they’ve got)

and what are the differences between them?

(no need to answer if you don’t feel like it lol i just got curious since i haven’t played Baldur’s Gate yet and am writing this on the spur of the moment haha)

have a great day/night! and remember to stay hydrated :)

This is a good question! Especially since it is actually kind of hard to boil down EXACTLY what my type is when it comes to fictional characters but here are my thots

They are similar in only a few aspects. obviously the white hair, skinny little guy situation (astarion has abs in the game but this is wrong and untrue. i have a mod installed to rectify this game breaking issue). Also TRAUMA, and how they deflect it. This is actually kind of more similar than you might think, UNTIL you look at the motivations. so bare essentials, Astarion and Komaeda both do bad things as a way to regain control over their lives. For Astarion its more of a 'i lived a living hell for 200 years its time for me to have some fucking fun or die trying' where komaeda is doing it so he feels more in control of his own luck cycle. similar, but also very very different. I actually kind of think they would hate each other. Astarion uses a lot of manipulation tactics to try and gain the trust/protection of other people and i think tbh Komaeda is kinda unmanipulable. That kind of thing just wouldnt work on him, cause yeah, he will likely do anything you ask him to, but he will do anything that anyone asks him to, there is no exclusivity with him. Also i think it would be funny for Komaeda to finally do some insane shit and Astarion would be like, "Oh good! What fun!" Komaeda would reply, "Ah! I am glad to have your approval, lets hope that this tragedy leads us all into a more hopeful future, don't you agree? :))" and Astarion would say, "Never mind! he still SUCKS!" Astarion does bad things for a hee hee hoo hoo silly time, but komaeda always ascribes some weird bullshit to it and he would find that INSUFFERABLE. Astarion would also absolutely despise Komaeda self-deprecating tenancies, but is kind of vain, so as long as Komaeda compliments him enough i think he will survive, but he will complain the whole time. anyway. this has been long. please play baldurs gate 3. im reblogging a lot of stuff about it on my main (Daveth-isnt-dead) if you are inchrested.

[coolest-beta-tester-ever]

Okayokayokay i’m gonna keep this quick because like. Man. man i dont even KNOW what this was just fucking read it man it was WEIRD

Uhhhh okay so this was a transcript of a dream that I, um. Alexander. Had like last night. For a long time i dunno. It’s in third person

[Transcript begin. Or something.]

[I. shit I mean Alexander. Fuck whoops.]

[Alexander opens his eyes at the edge of an empty parking lot, it’s night, he’s alone. He knows how things like this usually go. He readies himself for an attack of some sort.]

?: [Directly next to him.] Buddy, chill. 

[He jumps at the voice, turning to make eye contact with the GHOST THAT WAS FOLLOWING MARI. He showed me– ALEXANDER. A nametag. It had the letter E on it, confirming what he already thought.]

Al: You’re that ghost I saw! With Mari! What do you want?

E: This won’t take long, I just want to talk for a second, introduce myself. You know. 

Al: Oh. That’s… weird, okay.

E: Mhm, I heard about you from Jeremy a while back. Alexander, correct?

Al: I hope so lol.

[A very long silence.]

E: Did you just say “LOL” out loud?

Al: Erm… yeah. Whoops.

E: Moving on. Seeing ghosts, huh?

Al: Yeah.

E: You… gonna say anything about it?

Al: Is there more to say? 

E: Well, yeah. How clearly can you see us, first of all.

Al: Clear as day.

E: Anything else?

Al: Nope.

E: I’ll… leave you alone about it then. How are you?

Al: Uhhhhh… man, come on. You can’t just bust out the hard questions this soon.

E: Hard questions? I just–

[The plants near the edge of the parking lot rustle, causing both Alexander and E to jump backwards.]

E: The fuck…? I didn’t do that.

Al: Well, I didn’t either, obviously. So…

[E steps in front of Alexander, getting between him and the rapidly approaching mystery person. Alexander backs up, trying to get a better view. Someone blond, Cassius, stumbles out.]

C: [Picking sticks out of his hair.] Jesus, Alex! Did you do all of this? Also! It’s been days, and we’ve heard nothing from you! Someone said you were screaming at Hana?

[Alexander stares at Cassius, now remembering why E looked familiar when he first saw him. It was all piecing together now.]

[E reaches out, Cassius STILL doesn’t notice him.]

C: I mean, honestly! Why a parking lot? And why did I get in here in the middle of fucking nowhere? We’ve been worried, Alex. What the fuck.

E: … Cass…?

[Cassius freezes, and slowly turns to E. Eyes wide, his mouth half open.]

C: You…

[He takes a few cautious steps towards E, who does the same. They meet in the middle, staring at each other. It looks like they’re about to kiss or something. Alex can only see Cassius’ face, so he moves to the side to view the scene from an angle.]

[Cassius takes a very, very long pause.]

E: I–

[Cassius raises his right hand and slaps E. E’s head snaps to the right and stays there, his hand making its way up to where Cassius’ hand connected.]

C: [Through tears.] Where the fuck have you been, Edgar. 

E: [Slowly turning his head back.] Where I’ve been for the past 36 years, that damn restaurant. I’m sorry.

[The two hug, Alexander stands off to the side smiling awkwardly. E and Cassius mutter things to each other out of earshot.]

E: So… that’s where you’ve been hiding out? (I think thats what he said I kinda forgot)

C: Mhm. 

E: Well, I’ll… see you then. Have a proper reunion.

[Cassius nods, and looks over at Alexander. He waves, and vanishes. Alongside E.]

[Alexander jolts awake.]

Al: … man what the fuck was that.

[Transcript end.]

Hopefully i did this right lol it’s my first time

[cepetriwrites]

The Unexpected Second Life of Bree Tanner - Chapter 12

Read on AO3

Bree POV

The Cullens immediately vetoed the idea of me roadtripping to Nevada to visit my mother’s grave, after I had calmed down from my… not crying, I understood. I was still upset, but truth be told I wasn’t ready to trust myself around humans yet. Truthfully, if I had known Bella could stop me, I don’t think my gratitude would have kept me from killing her. And I didn’t feel a life debt to the rest of the humans. The Cullens didn’t eat people because it was wrong to kill other humans, it made them feel guilty. I don’t know how they managed to feel that way. Sometimes I would feel bad, hearing their screams, but I was so hungry all the time, nothing else mattered but trying to soothe the burning. I don’t even know if I actually liked the taste of blood, or if I liked how it soothed the pain.

A couple days had passed, when the kids were in school I spent most of my time trying to remember my mom. It’s like I had been drunk my whole life, everything felt hazy, Rosalie explained to me after I had a panic attack – at least I think it was, hard to tell when you don’t need to breathe – that if I focused on my memories, they would become clear again, and never fade. So that’s what I had been doing nearly every moment. Shifting through my memories, trying to remember everything, hoping it would help me piece together my mom.

Unfortunately there were a lot of bad memories too, sometimes I had to take breaks and I’d paint with Esme, or watch tv with Emmett, play a family board game. I wondered if it was worth all the pain it took, but my whole life I thought my mom had abandoned me, that my abusive father was the one who loved me, because at least he stayed. Eventually I figured I was just unlovable. But I had been wrong. My mom had cared about me. I had dug up a near-forgotten memories of pancakes in the morning, that we made together. I wanted to remember everything, because if I was wrong about my mom, maybe one day I would look back and realized other people had cared about me too. Despite what my dad used to say.

It did cause migraines, so I had decided to take a break and use the Cullen’s computer. I hadn’t gotten to use one much when I was human, of course the Cullens could afford the best. They kept reassuring me they could afford to fix anything I broke, that everyone had broken a lot of expensive stuff, but the idea of breaking this high tech computer with its Windows 95 system terrified me. I couldn’t bring myself to type on the keyboard so I would use a pencil when no one was looking. It made typing a lot slower.

“You don’t need to do that,” Rosalie said from the hallway, I dropped my pencil and nearly fell out of my chair. How does a vampire sneak up on another vampire?!

“I just… don’t want to break anything.”

Rosalie gave me a smile, “If it makes you feel better, what are you looking up?”

“Um,” I looked at the loading page for cinnamon sticks, I was in to deep to explain that. “just… learning how to use it.”

“Cool, do you want to go for a ride? I’ve upgraded the suspension on my baby and it rides like a dream, no humans.”

“Sure!” Driving in Rosalie’s car sounded fun, an opportunity Human Bree never would’ve gotten. Rose was the mechanic of the family, I had watched her do an oil change once, it felt weird seeing a supermodel covered in oil, but somehow she pulled it off.

Driving with the windows down, and the wind in our hair, I felt like a normal girl, I had bothered to ask how long we’d be out, it’s not like we had a curfew. She kept driving her convertible until we had to stop for gas. “Are we going back now?” I asked as she turned on to the road.

“Nope.” She said, putting her sunglasses back on.

I started to feel nervous, “Where are we going?”

“Nevada.”

“What!” I shouted, “Rosalie I can’t go to Nevada! Dr Carlisle and Esme said no!” I looked at her phone it had buzzed multiple times, when I had asked Rosalie said Emmett was messaging her and she’d answer later, then she had turned it off. “Rose… has Emmett been messaging you?”

“A couple times, but eventually the rest of the family figured out what was going on.”

I nervously gripped my seat belt, “We’re going to get in trouble! They found out! There’s a psychic in the family, why did you try to get away with this?”

“Try? I did, we’re too far away for them to get to us unless they get a flight, and even then, we’ll still reach our destination.”

“How did you even pull this off?”

“Because I’m smart and know things. Like that Alice sees everything, but can’t pay attention to everything, she’s only paying attention to if you cause trouble. Even if she doesn’t want to admit it, she’s also hyperfocused on throwing the best wedding and graduation party, and trying to see if the florist will get a cold, which means she’s slacking on watching you. I know that Edward can’t read your mind, and he’s too busy trying to spend every second with his precious girlfriend, and making sure her grades don’t drop because he’s trying to get her to start at one of the many colleges she’s applied too, and the ones he secretly applied to on her behalf. I knew that when Carlisle went to work, & Esme got roped into doing shopping with Alice in Seattle, that Jasper would be kept busy by Emmett and not even think about asking where we’re going. And I knew that I could drive for hours without Alice being the wiser as long as I didn’t think about where I was going.”

Never cross Rosalie Cullen, “What about us? We can’t go in the Sun and I don’t want to accidentally hurt someone.”

“That’s why I have the gloves and hats, you’re going to stay in the car. Besides you just ate and I can the news about your mom is making you much more empathetic, you’re not going to go hunting for anyone right now.”

“You were fearless as a human, weren’t you?” Rosalie replied by flashing her dazzlingly white teeth at me.

I didn’t know if Rosalie was right, but she sounded so confident, it was impossible to not believe her, so I turned up the radio and decided to enjoy the ride. Super massive black hole came blaring through, the wind was in my hair, I felt normal.

Almost twenty hours later we arrived at my hometown: Las Vegas, Nevada. The Sun was blazing in the sky, so Rosalie pulled over to a motel, she explained she had booked it in advance, and we hid out in a room with the curtains drawn tight. “This feels so risky,” I said as I relaxed on the spring mattress while Rosalie idly flipped through the tv channels.

Rosalie snorted, “You should ask Alice about her little ‘day trip’ to Italy, sometime. We’re the well-behaved ones of the family compared to her and Edward.”

“Really? But I’m the one who’s always thinking about eating people.”

Rosalie gave a sympathetic look, “Jasper has you beat still, we’ve had to move four times because of him, we try not to mention it. He always spirals into a depression after a slip up.”

The Cullens seemed so perfect to me, it was reassuring to hear they disowned their parents and sometimes accidentally ate a person. It made it easier for me to believe I could belong with them. “Hey Rose, if you brought me with spontaneously, how did you book the motel in advance?" I asked after a bit of silence.

“Oh, I had been planning to come down here, bringing you along was a last minute opportunity.” She didn’t have to explain why she would make a random trip out to the too sunny Las Vegas, I knew she was trying to help me learn more about my mom.

We laid there in comfortable silence for a few more hours, until Rosalie went to front office to attend to “some business”. When she returned, she had a white USPS box in her hands. I sat up, “What is that?”

Rosalie handed the box to me, “It’s um,” this was strange, I had never seen Rosalie nervous before. “It’s your mom.” My mouth hung open, “It’s why I came to Nevada. She didn’t have any next of kin left to claim her, so I had Emmett fake some paperwork and ship the remains to our motel.”

“Remains?”

“She was cremated,” Rosalie explained, “I hope that’s okay. This way you can always bring her with you.”

I slowly pulled out the plastic bag in the box. It was filled with gray dust, ashes, that used to be my mom. “HUMAN REMAINS” was stamped in bold letters, along with her name: Erica Tanner. I stared at the package for a long time, trying to understand how one person could end up being a few pounds of ashes. I ran my thumb over her name. “Hi Mommy.” If I could’ve cried a second time, I would’ve. Rosalie wrapped me in a hug until the sun went down.

The whole drive back, I kept my mother hugged tight to my chest. I was never going to let her go again.

[mo0nl0v3r]

th!nspo challenge ;

NOTE : I'm only gonna update this on this tab cause I don't want my other posts to get lost in this series thing... also my stats are already uploaded so imma start on day 2 :) NOT PRO

DAY 2 : i'm 5'2.... i do like my height sometimes i wish i was taller so i could present as thinner but its not one of my biggest problems

DAY 3 : I have a Pinterest board that I love its called tattoo inspo (I made it with a bunch of ballet & hour-class grunge girls in it. I named it tattoo inspo so it doesn't present weird cause it sounds like thinspo plus I can put skinny people with dope tattoos in

DAY 4: my greatest fear is that I'm gonna look sick or lose hair that's terrifying to me

DAY 5: I'm doing it for myself but the praise doesn't hurt :) also the way i could wear anything and look good sounds amazing

DAY 6 : sometimes nothing crazy but occasionally do slip up and eat a couple unhealthy things

DAY 7 : my parents do know that i try to eat healthy and that i "occasionally" count calories and try to lose weight . They think its a good thing

DAY 8 : i dont have one yet i just try to do as many crunches and sit-ups i can and i try to walk at least 1 mile a day

DAY 9 : I don't know honestly , sometimes i think they do but they've never said it to my face .

DAY 10 : freedom tbh

DAY 11 : @green-tea-111 i love there thinspo

DAY 12 : i usualy eat whatever i want but at a restriction

DAY 13 : I'm losing weight in both a healthy way and a unhealthy way because its not the point where its bad for my body but it can take a tole on my mental health sometimes

DAY 14 : My UGW is 102lb i really wanna get down there cause that would not only mean I would be like skinny but it would get my BMI down to 18.5 and thats the minimum healthy BMI. so def ideal

DAY 15: i am not vegan or vegetarian... i did try it a couple years ago and i actually gained weight cause i would only eat carbs so def didn't work for me

DAY 16: well literally for as long as i can remember probably around age 10 or 11 but most recent decision to lose weight was back in September of this year

DAY 17: I do have disorded eating

day 18: pasta , gordita tortillas , chocolate , chips , candy , ice cream , ritz crackers

DAY 19: tbh yesterday i had a happy meal

DAY 20: calorie counting or portioned eating cause diets are really hard for me

DAY 21 :

pants : medium or size 10

shirts : medium (but i prefer baggier stuff)

DAY 22: 7 pounds at birth ;) no but actually 100 pounds it was in 2019 i was in dance and i would dance 3-5hours a day and i did have distordered eating at the time and i gained due to my depression and binging

DAY 23 : a little... it didnt start it but it definitely helped

DAY 24: im not pro ana and i am definitely not pro mia, bulimia tears you apart so quickly its just sad especially when you do research on how it effects your body and how it only deteriorates you instead of making you thinner

DAY 25: i have unfortunately, it was rough i did it on occasion for about 2 weeks before i decided to do research and decided it wasnt for me

DAY 26: Wearing whatever i want and being less insecure. I cant wait till im skinny so i can just be happy with whatever i wear

DAY 27: I’m cool with food being infront of me I usually struggle most with it when its late or im alone cause thats when i tend to eat the most

DAY 28: It would be cool but its not what i want most i really want thinner arms and a tiny waist

DAY 29: unfortunately its mostly western beauty standards ( im part mexican and have very mexican features ) so its rough when i want the hour glass waist and a slope nose cause my body just hasn’t been able to do that

DAY 30: 10 facts about me

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