#tsanxiety

[ch3m1cally1mbalanc3d]

Nightmare Room

Authors note: Inspired by @sleepyvirgilprompts this post

Warning(s): Nightmares, cursing/language, slight unsympathetic Patton, Logan, and Roman in flashbacks (before Virgil was accepted), some angst

Ship(s): Platonic/romantic prinxiety (you decide)

Authors note: The flashbacks (italics) take place right after Virgil moved in with the light sides, so no one knows his name and he goes by 'Anxiety.' Present time (normal text) takes place after he's been accepted and told them his name.

- 3/17/21

*Virgil/Anxiety's pov*

I hate my fucking room. Well, I actually love it up until I have to sleep, then I hate it. See the thing is, my room just happens to have this really amazing feature that causes horrible nightmares. Every. Single. Night. You can't escape it. I mean, you can just not sleep ever but that's pretty much impossible.

See, my room back with the dark sides didn't do this, but it did some other really bad things that I'm thankful I don't have to experience anymore. I would rather just have nightmares than all that other stuff. Ugh, it gives me shivers just thinking about it.

Now, after I first moved in I believed that my room had changed. Once I started getting nightmares every night I brushed it off as them just occurring because I'm Anxiety, but that changed when I fell asleep in the commons one night.

-Flashback-

I'd gotten woken up by Patton at around 7:30 am. "Hey kiddo, don't you think it would be better if you slept in your room?" He questioned, sitting beside me as I sat up and started to wake up.

"U-uh yeah I g-guess so," I stuttered out, rubbing the back of my neck in embarrassment that I'd accidentally fallen asleep on the couch. "It was an accident, I swear I didn't mean to. I was on my phone and I must've fallen asleep, sorry. I'll go up to my room," I stood up, grabbing my phone from the floor where it must've fallen, and walked over to the stairs.

"It's alright kiddo!" Patton flashed a smile at me that wasn't completely honest, but I sent him a small one back in return so he didn't get angry or sad or anything. I can tell they all don't like it when I'm down there so of course, they wouldn't like me sleeping down there.

Once in my room, I realized that I hadn't had a nightmare, making me very confused. Every other night I had one so why didn't I last night? Then I connected the dots. Every time I fell asleep in my room I get a nightmare. I fell asleep on the couch last night and didn't have one, meaning, my room makes you have nightmares. Great.

-Present time-

Since I figured out about my room I've attempted to fall asleep in the commons multiple times. Sometimes I was successful about sleeping down there the whole night until someone woke me up and gave me shit about being down there.

-Yet another flashback around the same time period as the other-

One night I decided that I'd try to sleep in the common room. I'd carefully waited until I was sure that everyone else had gone to their rooms and fallen asleep. After I was sure of that I grabbed a blanket from my bed and quietly snuck downstairs, trying to make as little noise as possible. I laid down on the couch, snuggling up in the blanket, and fell asleep shortly thereafter.

—

I was rudely woken up by Roman standing over me and shaking me back and forth. I slapped his hands away and stretched.

"What?" I asked, morning delusion clear.

Roman scoffed, "What do you mean what? You were asleep on the couch when we came down this morning!" I looked at him, confusion clear on my face, not quite picking up on the memo that he didn't want me downstairs.

"So what?" I asked, wanting to know what his issue was. He scoffed yet again, putting his hand on his hip dramatically.

"You sleep in your room. That's why it's there. You don't sleep down here on the couch! Plus, I'm sure your room is way more comfortable than this couch," Roman motioned to the couch and he wasn't even trying to cover up the annoyance in his voice. If only he knew.

Logan looked up from his book where he was sat on one of the chairs and stated, "Roman's right. Your room would be a much more comfortable resting place than the couch. Sleeping in your room would also decrease the amount that you influence Thomas."

Ouch, that last part stung. My eyes widened slightly in the realization of what they were trying to tell me. 'Go away Anxiety, we don't want you around.'

I hesitated on telling them about my room but I knew it wouldn't do any good as they didn't care one bit. I switched my eyes between Roman, Logan, and then Patton who was in the kitchen, looking out and obviously hearing our conversation.

Sighing, I stretched once more before saying, "Sorry, I'll leave," I got up and grabbed my blanket, and made my way to the stairs. All three of them watched me in silence as I trudged up the stairs to my room, holding my head down and the blanket close to my chest the whole time.

-Present time-

*Roman's pov*

I walk downstairs and see the emo sat on the couch, scrolling through something on his phone. Looking around I see that no one else is down here.

"Good evening, Virgil," I say before walking into the kitchen. I hear a muffled reply and I see him flop down on his side, attention still attached to his phone. I get a snack and open it, starting to eat when I get an idea.

Walking back into the living room I state my suggestion, "Hey, V?" He looks up from his phone and shoots me a questioning eyebrow. "Do you wanna watch some Disney movies with me?"

Virgil thinks about it for a second, turning off his phone and sit up, placing his elbows on his knees and resting his head in his hands. "Only if we can watch Tim Burton movies too." I let out a sigh, although giving away that I don't actually care what movie we watch with my smile.

I walk towards Virgil until I'm standing exactly in front of him before pulling him off the couch, and he lets out a squeak in surprise. "W-what are you doing, Princey?" He asks as I drag him upstairs, practically carrying him. I don't answer but instead, open the door to his room and close it with my foot before walking over to where all of his movies are.

Virgil just stands there for a second before going to sit on his bed. "What do we start with?" I ask, turning to face him from where I'm crouched by his shelves holding his movies. He had propped up some pillows behind him, leaning back against them with one leg up and the other lying down. He just shrugs so I decide myself, "Corpse Bride it is then," I state as I grab the movie, put it in the blue-ray player, grab the remote, and lay down next to Virgil on his bed.

We get comfortable, pillows behind us and only one of his bedside lamps on. The movie plays through, and I have to admit, it's really cute watching him get all excited and happy. He's adorable. Virgil lets me pick the next movie, I can only assume because he gave me another shrug as an answer. I picked Brave and didn't hesitate to sing along to some of the songs dramatically, causing Virgil to giggle and I could tell he was trying to hide his blush with his hands.

Next thing I know we've watched four movies and it's inching towards midnight. I can tell that Virgil's getting sleepy by his eyes drooping, and I can't blame him, I'm quite tired myself. I didn't notice that he fell asleep until Cinderella was almost over. He had gone lax against his black comforter, and he just looks so cute when he's sleeping I couldn't help myself from staring with a small smile on my face.

The movie ends a few minutes later and I don't notice until I hear the end credits rolling. I walk back over to his movies and put Cinderella away, turning off his tv and returning his remote in the process. I hesitate as I walk towards the door, turning around to see Virgil still fast asleep on his bed. I sigh, out of tiredness or happiness I couldn't tell you, and I make my way over to his bed.

I delicately pick him up bridal style, pulling back his comforter and purple sheets, arranging the pillow so he's comfortable before lying him down and pulling the covers back over him. I walk over to the other side of his bed, reaching to turn off his bedside lamp before I get an idea. Surely he won't mind if I sleep with him for one night, right?

Snapping my fingers I change into gray sweatpants and a plain red shirt before carefully pulling back the covers and sliding in. I reach over and turn off the lamp, leaving the room in complete darkness. Damn, it sure is creepy in here. I guess it suits him as he is "dark and edgy."

I curl up next to him, slowly wrapping my arms around his waist, encasing him in a hug. I come to a stop when he starts to shift, but he only hugs me back, resting his head in the crook of my neck. I would be so embarrassed right now if the room wasn't pitch black because I'm sure my face is as red as the apple Snow White ate. Gradually, I drift off to sleep with Virgil in my arms.

--

I jolt awake, fear rushing through my body. Wait, I thought Virgil was the anxious trait? Oh right! I slept in his room last night. Turning in the bed as I hear shuffling only to find Virgil slowly waking up himself.

Maybe I should tell him. Or not, it might freak him out and I would never want to do that.

The strange thing is, I had horrible nightmares last night. And when I say horrible, I mean horrible. They were nothing like I'd ever experienced before. Yes, I've had my fair share of nightmares over the years but they've never been this bad! They were so disturbing and gory it makes me want to cry and puke at the same time just thinking about them.

Virgil turns his body so he's laying on his side facing me before slowly opening his eyes and mumbling out, "Morning, Princey."

"Good morning, princess. How did you sleep?" I asked, trying to see if our dilemmas were the same.

He yawned before answering, "Oh, same as usual." He rubbed his eyes, closing them again and snuggling into the blanket. Holy shit he's adorable!

I nodded my head, not knowing how to respond. I might as well ask him. What harm will it do? "Hey, V?" I ask, getting a hum in response. "Um, I uh had some pretty horrific nightmares last night and I have no clue as to why I did."

Virgil's eyes shot open, looking at me in fear. "Are you okay?" He asked, panicked.

I laughed, "Oh yes I'm quite alright just it was unusual that's all."

He sighed, "Yeah I'm really sorry about that." I shot him a confused look, quirking my eyebrow.

"Why would you be sorry? It isn't your fault, it happens to everyone." I assure him.

"No, Princey, you don't understand," Virgil looked me in the eyes before continuing, "It is my fault. My room does this all the time. You literally could not sleep in here without having nightmares. It's impossible, I've tried. Trust me on this, I've been sleeping in here for a few years."

My eyes widen in realization. Do you mean that all these years he's had to suffer? He's had to deal with nightmares every night and none of us knew? Oh my goodness, my poor baby. That's probably why he refuses to sleep or gets very little of it and why he's always tired! Or- holy shit.

This is why he was always trying to sleep downstairs in the commons. I already feel so guilty about being mean to him for the longest time but now I feel even worse knowing what he had to go through. And we drove him out! Virgil tried sleeping down there multiple times but we always told him not to and to go away and he did. He went back to his room to have nightmares. Oh my god, what have I done?

I look him in the eyes and apologize, "Virgil I'm so sorry! I had no idea and I kept driving you out for years! I always told you to leave and not sleep downstairs not knowing that you'd have to go to your room and suffer if you tried to sleep! I'm so sorry!" Virgil was making hard eye contact with me and I could tell he was searching my face for a lie or sarcasm. "I'm serious, Virge. I truly am sorry. You don't need to forgive me, I understand."

I reach my arms out to give him a hug. He hesitates for a second before giving in and I wrap my arms around him tight. He slides his arms around my chest and squeezes me. "It's alright Ro, you didn't know and you didn't really like me back then. Plus, I should've told you so it's my fault," He said, muffled by my chest.

I pull back from the hug, looking down at him as he looks up at me. "Oh no sweetie, you don't need to be sorry. This isn't your fault at all," I bring him back into the hug and he mumbles out an 'okay.'

We snuggle for a bit before I get an idea and suggest it. "Hey, do you want to talk to Logan about this? I'm sure he can find a way to fix it for you."

Virgil thinks for a minute before nodding, "Yeah, but only if you do it with me."

I let out a light laugh, "Of course, my emo." We snuggle for a while before getting breakfast and continuing on with our day.

--

Virgil and I talk to Logan and he fixes Virgil's room for him so there are no more nightmares. After both he and Patton find out they both apologize immensely for what they did in the past. Virgil forgives us all, Patton bringing us all into a group hug.

I make sure to drill into Virgil's brain that if he ever feels scared or doesn't want to sleep in his room, he's always welcome to sleep in mine. I also just offer my room to him at any other point in the day, making sure he feels loved and safe.

God, if only I knew.

(2463 words) I posted this on my wattpad too (@/virgilstarantula) on my Sanders Sides oneshot book but wanted to post it here so that @sleepyvirgilprompts could see it. I hope you like it! rawr xD

[little-kat07]

Sanders Sides gacha life sides are always really surprised when the creator does the “react to virgil tiktoks” video and they see Virgil singing P!ATD and they get all excited and say “How come he didn’t tell us he could sing?” When the fact is he literally sang every chorus of his very first singing number, New Years Lies, and he ROCKED IT, and nobody gave him credit

(Yes I watch sanders sides gacha life sometimes, sOME OF IT IS DECENT OKAY???)

[randomnerd30]

I love how everybody agrees that Virgil has dark hair died purple. Day 4 of the blob sides.

@thatsthat24

[cofe-doodles]

[Based on a conversation today with my sister]

Roman: You can't spell DIET without DIE.

Virgil: You can't spell HOTDOG without DOG.

~Awkward Silence~

Remus: Oh, OH! You mean BITCH!

[pidgeon-brained]

Just the tiniest of one-shots based off of @trashpanda-remus amazing post

Tw: mentions of anxiety and panic attacks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Thomas first started to take the medicine, something akin to xanax, Virgil didn’t notice the effects. The doctor had told Thomas that it would take a while, but secretly, Virgil feared that he might just be too strong and he affected Thomas too much for them to work. Which caused Virgil to worry, which led to Thomas worrying. 

A week passed, and Virgil started to feel different, not bad different, just different. He realized he could hear better. He thought he must’ve been imagining it because that shouldn’t be a side effect. That didn’t even make sense. But he could, he could hear things better, and think better, and he didn't always feel light-headed. Patton informed him that he didn’t look as pale. Logan informed  him that a lowered heart rate may lead to these things. Without his heart pounding in his ears, he could hear all the things he hadn’t since Thomas had become a teen. 

He heard the birds conjured in the mindpalace, and Roman singing in the shower, and Patton humming to himself as he baked. And Logan reading out loud to himself. It was wonderful. 

Next, was the body. The first night that the medicine started to work, he woke up sore, and couldn’t get out of bed. But it wasn’t a painful sore that left him with the knowledge that this would be a regular occurance, rather the feeling that something was loosening. That it had to get worse before better. The next day, his body felt like it hadn’t since Thomas was a child. 

He felt like he’d been working out too hard for years and years and now all the tense muscles and the sweating and the heavy breathing was disappearing. He felt like he was getting help, his shoulders weren’t bunched like he was trying to bench press too much weight. He felt good, he wondered if the other sides felt this good all the time. He smiled more at Pat bringing him cookies and Roman goofing off with his sword. He could listen to Logan talk for longer without getting distracted by how much he hurt. 

The next noticable change for him was his sleep patterns. He remembered one of the sides remarking to him that he either didn’t sleep or he slept until the world ended. But after Thomas started to take his medicine regularly, he felt his sleep patterns regulate as well. No longer was he up to see the sun rise, no longer did he wake up with no clue of what day it was. He felt tired at night, maybe later than everyone else, but he didn’t see the sun rise anymore. He didn’t have to rely on Logan to tell him what time it was, he knew. He knew. 

Thomas didn’t need him as much, which was a blessing, because that meant that Thomas was getting better, no longer did he send Thomas into a scurry when he texted his crush, or asked his friends for help. No longer did Thomas find himself near tears when he said “You too.” when he meant thank you. Virgil held back, he could breathe again. The others didn’t hate him, he wasn’t evil, he was normal even, when regulated. That was the important part, for him to be regulated. The medicine was a blessing. 

Virgil didn’t scream anymore when too many people got a little too close. He could breathe, though it was hard. He wasn’t gone forever, there were still big things for him to worry about. But he could sit there, and listen to Logan run him through grounding techniques with the ever warming thought that a month ago, he would’ve broken down and hurt Thomas. That a month ago Thomas would’ve needed at least an hour, possibly more to even fathom the idea of calming down and regulating his anxiety. 

Since Thomas had started highschool he had carried this dark and painful root of anxiety, and it was beginning to unravel. He wasn’t up half the night thinking of everything he’d ever done that was remotely wrong. He didn’t feel guilt or hate when he said the wrong thing or needed help, it was okay, it was normal. And now Virgil was too, and it was heaven. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Minor self promotion:

My writing blog is: @thepanfanwriter

And I have a Sanders sides fic blog: @love-carries-on

[alpha-six-0-6]

[Wip - Rough sketch]

Fanart of Virgil/Anxiety from Sanders sides series (Thomas Sanders YT video/s) ☺

(Having found Thomas (and friends) and all his videos really helped me a lot with how I deal with my Anxiety and overall emotions. I'm really thankful & grateful for people like him.

💜💙🐶❤️💛💚

@thatsthat24

[meowthefluffy]

Some gosh darn fem!Virgil

[thepanfanwriter]

Playlist Challenge Pt. 1

Song: Colors

Artist: Halsey

Playlist: The Ballads of Sky Grace 

Fic info: Band au

Pairing: anxciet (Janus x Virgil)

word count: 496

Warnings: mentions of drugs and sex, questionable consent. this story does not have a happy ending!

Virgil opened his eyes, blinking several times as he tried to familiarize his eyes with the burst of sunlight coming in through a large open window. In front of the window he noticed, after he could finally see again, was a shirtless Janus. And as he watched him stretch, his shoulder blades flexing, everything came rushing back to him. 

There had been a party. A loud party. To celebrate the release of their newest album Splitting and Quitting, an homage to their guitarists falling out with his brother. At some point, Remus had arrived with a car full of people, all of them wasted and stumbling, and several of them willing to offer up the drugs they’d brought with them. Several of them had eight balls of cocaine stored away, hidden in purses and shoved in pockets. 

Virgil had been hesitant to even interact with them, but Janus offered him a few drinks, and he started to feel less sober, and all of a sudden the way Remus cut the coke up, his platinum level credit card used to break apart chunks, and cut perfectly straight lines became interesting, enticing almost. And then Janus was offering him a rolled up dollar bill and showing him how to hit it. Virgil was flying. 

The rest of the night was a little bit more foggy, Janus’ lips against his, a wall against his back, clothes shedding and the feeling of a bed against his back and then something around his dick, something tight, and a moaning and groaning Janus above him. It was hazy and perhaps imagined but arousing. 

A voice drew him from his thoughts. “You should go.” 

“What?” He murmured, sitting up. He could almost believe that he hadn’t actually heard anything. 

“I said, you should go. I don’t want you here, you might as well get out  while you still can.” 

“J, what does that mean? If you didn’t want me here, then why did you want me at all in the first place?” 

“I was wasted on coke Mr. Storm,  you could’ve been anyone, any face, any name, just so long as you had what I wanted.” He didn’t turn from his spot at the window, didn’t look at Virgil. 

It stung Virgil, to hear him call him something so professional, so distant when just last night he had been calling him by his name and holding his face in his hands. He got up, rooting around for his clothing from the floor, and getting dressed. As he went to leave, he saw the rolled up dollar bill on the counter, next to another line of coke. He froze to stare at it, if he remembered correctly from last night, there had been several more of those laying there. 

“Hey Eden” He didn’t turn towards him, didn’t acknowledge that anyone was speaking to him. “I hope you make it to the day you’re twenty eight years old.” 

The door slammed as he walked out.

[prinxieties]

So..... Remember how I said something was coming?

Evelyn, Evelyn was my first YouTube video on this account. It reached 100k views, and I knew I had to remake it. It just looked terrible and still does, haha.

Characters belong to @thatsthat24 ! :) Nice to finally see ya again Thomas. Reblogs appreciated, as well as likes! Thank you guys so much for all the support :)

[my-gender-is-a-cookie]

My version of the Draw This In Your Style by @doodledream! It was very fun, and I loved the idea. <3

[disgraceravenclaw-blog]

Props to whoever can guess what song this project is gonna be about

[septicstacheedits]

Anxiety always pops in when you want to do something

[sammy-whamm]

So I did a stained glass sort of thing @thatsthat24

[randomnerd30]

Day 2 of My Band Au. It's Virgil on the Flute.

@thatsthat24

[haagendazs-dispersion]

(Literally every Fander right now): NEWSETUPNEWSETUPNEWSETUPNEWSETUPNEWSETUPNEWSETUPNEWSETUPNEWSETUPNEWSETUPNEWSETUPNEWSETUPNEWSETUPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH😱😱😱😱😱

[what-even-is-thiss]

Guys, somebody put @thatsthat24 's Snapchat story on YouTube. He's dressed as Anxiety and singing the opening to Black Parade. Check it out if you missed it.