#tumblr is the only site i can stand for more than 20 minutes a day now lmfao

[legobabyofficial]

gotta be honest y'all ever since I got strict abt only letting myself be on my phone for 2-3 hours a day my depression got a lot easier to handle. like it did antidepressants level good for me

[the-wild-wolves-around-you]

hear those bells ring deep in the soul (a katsuki bakugo/reader fic)

Summary: Pro Hero Dynamight was Japan’s Number Two Hero. He'd worked hard to achieve his position, his fame. And now it was all going down the damn drain, along with his hearing.

~*~*

Bakugo is suffering from hearing loss as a side effect of his quirk, and he struggles with how to face this new challenge. Enter Reader with a healing quirk.

Pairings: Katsuki Bakugo/Reader; Katsuki Bakugo/You

Rating: M(ature)

Warnings: Blood & violence. 

A/N: No spoilers or anything. This is just a self-indulgent AU fic with aged up characters. Everyone’s in their mid-20s. Fic title is from a song called “Achilles Come Down.” 

Ao3 Link: Here 

*****A/N Part 2: This post has now been updated to include the links to Ch 2

Ch 2 Tumblr Link: Here 

Pro Hero Dynamight was Japan’s Number Two Hero. Actually, he’d argue he was tied for first place with the current Symbol of Peace, Shitty Deku. Their victory statistics were basically the fucking same, the only difference was the freckled idiot was made of smiles and sunshine and stupid fucking sugar or something. The whole world ate out of his scarred, fucked up hand, and Darling Deku ate up all the media’s attention in return. 

In contrast, Bakugo wasn’t a “people person,” as Deku loved to put it, but… he also wasn’t the same fifteen-year-old brat who got muzzled on live national television. Pro Hero Dynamight was known for his crass, blunt language, his vicious streak of justice when it came to villains, but people also looked up to him. Extras cheered for him in the streets as he exploded past mid-battle. Children ran up to him on patrol and asked him to sign their books, their photos, their Dynamight merch. On one memorable occasion, that he may or may not have saved on his computer, a national news channel ran a live clip from a disaster site, a villain attack turned rescue mission after a building collapsed. The soundbite was only thirty seconds, a close up of a pale, dusty woman with a shallow cut on her brow. The splash of crimson and her bloodshot blue eyes were the only spots of color on her, everything else washed out in white plaster and cement dust, tear tracks carving grooves down her cheeks. 

But the smile on her face could have lit up goddamn Tokyo. 

“Dynamight saved us,” the woman had said to the news reporter, her voice full of awe and tears. “I-I got stuck under some debris, but I heard the moment Dynamight arrived, and I just knew we were safe. The battle was over a minute later, and then he just… pulled me out of the wreckage. He pulled us all out. He’s… the greatest hero I’ve ever seen.” 

That was a nice stroke to his ego. And the dazed woman had been right. He had pulled everyone out of that building, and not a single person died that day, which only confirmed what he already knew: 

Katsuki Bakugo was the best of the best. Deku might have been the better show pony, but Dynamight was an undefeated hero, fierce, fearless, ferocious. 

Except right now… he was fucking scared out of his mind. 

This couldn’t be happening. 

“What?” he snarled at the extra in the white coat standing before him. 

The man flinched and visibly recoiled, shuffling back a step and partially ducking behind his tablet device. When he spoke again, he’d raised his voice an entire fucking octave. 

“I-I’m sorry, sir,” the doctor stammered, but then he seemed to regain his composure and lowered his voice a little. “I… I wish I had better news for you, Dynamight, but…” 

He trailed off and swallowed, the jut of his Adam’s apple bobbing beneath the thin skin of his throat. 

“But what?” Bakugo spat, something like magma roiling in his veins, pops of heat crackling against his palms like splatters of hot oil from a stove. 

“B-But this… can’t come as a complete shock to you,” the doctor said as he glanced back at his tablet. “Other physicians before myself must have warned you of the risks.” 

The risks. Bakugo bared his teeth in a silent snarl. What did this fucking extra, with his soft hands and softer body, know about risks? The heat in his palms grew until he could see their red-hot glow out of the corner of his eye. 

“Well, who and how much do I gotta pay to fix it?” Bakugo demanded as he shoved his hands in his pockets. 

“That depends,” the doctor hedged and adjusted the square black glasses perched on his stupid face. “There are a variety of aid types—” 

“I don’t want fuckin’ support gear or aids,” Bakugo sneered. “I want mine fixed.” 

Now, the doctor’s face grew pitying. “I’m afraid that’s just not possible, given a number of factors, most importantly your current occupation.” 

“My current occupation?” the hero seethed, teeth bared again like a wounded dog, a cornered wolf, snapping at the world. “Are you fucking KIDDING—” 

A hint of fear sparked in the doctor’s eyes, but he suddenly raised a hand, palm out in the universal symbol for stop. “Dynamight, sir, I know this is distressing, but there are other sick patients in these walls, so please refrain from using your quirk.” 

“I’m not usin’ shit,” Bakugo snapped, but then the doctor’s eyes flicked downward, and Bakugo followed them to his hands, wreathed in sparks and flares of flames, lit up like a fucking Christmas tree. 

The breath stuttered in Bakugo’s lungs. 

He hadn’t even felt himself call upon his quirk. 

Even worse… he hadn’t heard it when he did. 

He dropped his hands quickly, shoving them back in his pockets. Bile rose in his throat, but he washed it down with blood as he bit through his tongue. 

“There has to be… something,” he gritted out, curling his hands into fists in their confines. “A healer—” 

“Healers are rarer than you think,” the doctor sighed and shook his head. “And what’s more, they’re usually specific and limited. Their abilities are tied to blood types or restricted to relatives or even limbs. One nurse here can only heal femur bones.” 

“Bullshit they’re rare, I’ve met at least two goddamn healers just this month,” Bakugo spat. “These paramedics—” 

“And how strong where they?” the doctor cut him off again, raising an eyebrow. “You said paramedics, so I’m going to assume their talents mostly lie in the superficial and basic: triage, stopping the bleeding, knitting skin back together, etc.” 

“What’s your fucking point?” He was this close to punching the asshole right in the glasses. 

“My point is the inner workings of your ear are much more delicate than a broken rib or lacerated arm,” the doctor said in a really condescending tone that Bakugo did not appreciate. “But let’s say you do find a healer specific enough and skilled enough to restore the hearing you have already lost without damaging anything else in the process. What then? I don’t imagine Japan’s Number Two Hero retiring less than ten years after his debut and hanging up his quirk.” 

Bakugo scowled, heart kick-starting in his chest, his gut tying itself in a knot. 

No. No, that wasn’t possible. Katsuki Bakugo was a hero, the best of the best. It was all he’d ever wanted, and he would be damned if it was taken from him. 

The doctor must have seen as much on the blond’s face because he sighed and adjusted his glasses again. “Exactly. Which means you’re just going to keep destroying your ears again and again, and even if say Recovery Girl was still alive, the repetitive healing sessions would destroy your own body’s healing factor, and after a while, you would still lose you’re hearing.” 

“Tch.” Bakugo looked away and gritted his teeth so hard they ached. 

The doctor sighed. “You’re already at moderate hearing loss, Dynamight, so while we do still have some options, they are limited. Honestly… I’m surprised you didn’t come in sooner.�� 

He should have. He fucking should have. He’d been noticing little things for years, but he just brushed it off, yelled at Deku to speak the fuck up and stop mumbling, told himself his phone must be a piece of shit and that’s why he didn’t hear a call or message. The low persistent ringing he’d been experiencing since UA was harder to write off, but after a while, it was also easier to ignore. 

Then, on his last mission, Bakugo was shoving some weak ass villain at a couple of cops. The battle had lasted less than five minutes, and he was still itching for a fight, his quirk burning just beneath the surface of his skin, like embers waiting to explode back into flame. In the next moment, a hand had suddenly clamped down on his shoulder from behind, and he’d reacted out of reflex, flipping his attacker over his shoulder and nearly blasting them in the gut for good measure. 

“Whoa! Fuck, dude, it’s me!” Kirishima had yelped, his skin rippling and hardening in an instant. Wide, red eyes gaped up at him, and Japan’s Number Three Hero even looked a little worried. “Didn’t you hear me? I called your name like five times.” 

Bakugo had dropped Red Riot like he was on fire. No. No, Dynamight hadn’t heard his patrol partner. In fact, all he could hear in the moment was the muted wailing of sirens, the low murmur of shouting extras, and the blood roaring in his head. 

Now, two days later he was standing in front of a doctor who was telling him there was nothing more they could do. 

But that was fucking unacceptable. He couldn’t lose his hearing. What kind of shitty hero would he be if he couldn’t hear where the villains were in battle or where stupid extras in need of saving were in rescue situations? 

He wouldn’t be a hero at all, just a fucking liability. 

Bakugo tried to imagine having to retire, to hang up his hero costume, to leave Shitty Hair in charge of their joint agency. What would he do? He’d wanted, and planned, to be a hero since he was five years old. He had no other skills, not really. It wasn’t like he could work a damn desk job. Well, UA might throw him a bone, offer him a pity faculty position. 

The thought left a sour taste in his mouth. 

“What… are my options?” he asked haltingly as he snapped his eyes up and locked gazes with the doctor. “You said I still had some.” 

The man in the white coat blinked in surprise, but then he straightened up and tapped at his tablet. “Currently, you have a few options, but you’d receive the best outcome if we did them all together. First, we can get you fitted for some hearing aids for you to wear while you are off duty. They would significantly increase your hearing capacity in your normal day-to-day life.” 

Bakugo felt his face pull into a scowl. “Off duty? I need them while I’m on duty!” 

“If you wear them while using your quirk, you’ll ruin the rest of your hearing in one blow,” the doctor said with a straight face. “Hearing aids amplify sounds. Amplifying your explosions is the last thing we want.” 

“Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do then?” the hero snapped, heat flaring through his body with a supernova. 

“Since I assume you’re going to continue your hero work, I would recommend contacting a support gear company.” The doctor made a note on his tablet. “We’ll email you the contact information for several companies the hospital has connections with, and once you chose one, we can send them your file. There are numerous noise-cancelling devices out there, but given your situation, you will probably need to collaborate with them for something custom. The goal is to having something to protect your ears-- a helmet, headphones, anything really—while you are using your quirk. Between such a device and the hearing aids, I hope we can preserve what’s left of your hearing and maybe give you a little bit back. But I will warn you… you’re hearing will never be as it was. You should know that now.” 

You’re hearing will never be as it was. 

You’re hearing will never be as it was. 

You’re hearing will never be as it was. 

The words cycloned through Bakugo’s head, round and round and round, destroying every other thought in their path. He felt detached from himself, the doctor’s voice fizzling out into a muffled drone. His vision seemed to narrow and darken, like he was viewing the world at the end of a very long and dark tunnel. One minute, he was standing there in that examine room, and then he blinked and was on the street, people rushing past him like a river unbothered by the boulder in its current. 

He glanced down at his hand, at the paperwork for his follow up appointment and his fitting for the hearing aids. Heat squirmed under his skin, in his veins, like something living, something that wanted to get out. 

Bakugo bared his teeth, crumpled the paper in his fist, and let the heat rush through his body, down through his arm, and into his hand. He didn’t hear the crackle, but he saw the flares of light, trapped between his palm and the paperwork like fireflies. 

Then he opened his hand, and he watched the wind catch the ash and carry if off down the street, out of sight. 

He needed a fucking drink. 

~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Several hours later, Bakugo stumbled out of his usual dive bar, the taste of whisky still burning a hole through the back of his throat. The night was colder than he anticipated, colder than it should be for the beginning of autumn, and he grumbled and cursed as he hunched against the wind. He squinted at his phone, debating on whether to call a car, but in the end it was too much trouble. He was less than a half an hour’s walk from his apartment, and it was late, so he wouldn’t have to worry about extras coming up to him for photos or goddamn autographs. 

Besides, the whisky hadn’t helped to quench the heat writhing through his veins, in fact the alcohol only made it worse. Bakugo felt restless, all pins and needles and ants, so maybe the brisk walk would burn off some of that energy. 

Decided, Bakugo turned in the direction of home and began the long, stumbling journey through the midnight streets. 

Time passed as sluggishly as his feet, which he made sure to stare down at so he didn’t trip over them. Like he anticipated, he passed no one on the sidewalks, and few cars rumbled past him. It wasn’t surprising, this neighborhood was mostly shops that closed by sundown and a few residences. The dive bar he’d left was a holdover from past decades when this side of town was rougher, but Bakugo suspected the old man who owned the joint would live on for at least another decade, if only to spite the development companies that kept trying to buy him out. The ornery bastard was half the reason Bakugo loved that bar, the other half being their decent whisky and usually empty stools. 

“Shit,” he mumbled as he suddenly slipped, tittering on the edge of the curb. 

He shook his head and managed to regain his balance, but when he took another step, he wobbled again. 

“Come on, you drunk idiot,” he hissed at himself as he stumbled once more. 

Except… he’d been standing still that time. 

“Hah?” Bakugo squinted down at his feet. 

The pebbles around his shoes rattled and jumped. He didn’t think he was that drunk, but he slapped his cheek with a bit of heat to his palm. The snap of warmth and pain woke him up a little, but when he glanced back down at the ground, everything was still moving. 

“What the fu—” 

Then the road undulated under his feet like a living thing, and the shockwave hit him a moment later. 

Bakugo barked a curse as he was bucked several feet into the air, twin explosions blooming from his palms so he could right himself and land on his feet. He snapped his head up as he skidded to a stop, and the breath stilled in his lungs. 

Up ahead, a man stood in the middle of the intersection, staring down the road to Bakugo’s left. Black rubble and goo floated around him like asteroids trapped in a planet’s orbit, and even from a distance, Bakugo could see the crazed smile on the man’s pale, black-streaked face. 

A moment later, several heroes lunged out from around the corner and barreled straight for the villain, only to be blasted backwards as the villain flung out his hands and commanded the black debris and goo to slam into the idiots. 

The villain threw back his head and seemed to laugh maniacally. Bakugo couldn’t hear it, but that didn’t matter. Lava was starting to boil in his veins, burning off the last of the whisky, and Dynamight felt an equally crazed smile stretch across his mouth. 

This idiot had chosen the wrong road to fuck up tonight. 

Heat condensed in his palms like collapsing stars, and then he was exploding forward, the taste of ozone and nitroglycerin on his tongue. 

Within moments, Bakugo was able to determine the villain’s quirk revolved around asphalt. The bastard was able to pull large chunks of it out of the road and then liquify parts of them until they were scalding and sticky. 

The other heroes—whoever they were, Bakugo didn’t even care to check—struggled to evade the villain’s attacks, but evasion wasn’t Dynamight’s style. He came at the bastard head on, exploding every rock and tar puddle in his way. 

Of course, asphalt was flammable, so flames were flaring up all around the street now, but Bakugo wasn’t stupid enough to get burned. If the other heroes were, that was on them. 

Dynamight was here to get the job done. 

“Come here, ya sonvabitch,” Bakugo snarled as he blasted apart a chunk of asphalt aimed for his head. 

The villain shrieked out something high-pitched that Bakugo didn’t catch, and then the fucker was swinging out his arm, a blob of black tar following the arc. 

Bakugo let out a controlled burst toward his feet and backflipped through the air, crunching down on the roof of a parked car. He could see some of the other heroes waving at him from the corner of his eye, but he couldn’t hear what they were saying over the wailing of the car alarm below him. 

The villain’s sneer was a white slash on his black, goo-streaked face, and Bakugo bared his teeth back in an expression halfway between a feral grin and a beast’s snarl. He could feel the heat crackling along his palms as he contemplated his next move, but then the villain shouted something, and all the asphalt floating in the air rocketed back towards him like the fucker was a magnet. 

As Bakugo watched, the debris and goo coalesced into a singular shape, liquifying and hardening in turns until a giant black arm the size of a semi was hovering over the road. The fingers wiggled in a jaunty little wave as the villain shouted something again that was lost to the car’s still wailing alarm, and then the giant hand curled into a fist and dropped down on Bakugo like the hammer of some god. 

He exploded out of the way and up into the air right before the fist smashed into the car he’d been standing on, and the siren cut out with a muffled crunch. 

Bakugo had barely landed before the arm was shooting out again, but this time it wasn’t aimed for him. 

A stupid fucking extra had stumbled out of one of the buildings and stood gaping like a goddamn moron on the sidewalk. Several of the on-scene heroes rushed forward, but the hand swatted them aside like annoying flies. The idiot civilian was still just standing there, though, and Bakugo found himself airborne before he could even process the thought. 

“Run!” he roared as he reached the extra and shoved him out of the way, but an instant later, he felt stony fingers wrap around his torso and squeeze. 

Bakugo wheezed out a curse as the giant hand lifted him into the sky, the pressure around his ribs increasing with every second. The asphalt was hot in some places, too, scalding the skin of his left arm where it was pinned against his hip. He wrenched his right arm around and tried to aim at the wrist of the asphalt appendage, but the angle was off, and the few chunks he was able to blast were quickly replaced by more rubble and boiling tar. 

“Fuck!” Bakugo screamed as the fist clenched down around him. His ribs strained, his lungs unable to expand, pain licking at him like the flames flickering in his peripherals. 

Distantly, he heard the villain’s laughter below him, and as the arm swayed to the side, Bakugo realized he was right above the bastard. His vision swam, his ribs screaming, his arm burning, but Bakugo gritted his teeth as he aimed his right palm down. He concentrated every ounce of his quirk into his hand until it glowed white-hot, and the asphalt around him began to liquefy again. 

The villain’s eyes widened as he realized what the hero was doing, and the fucker wildly swung out his arm in a last-ditch effort. The giant asphalt limb responded in kind, but Bakugo unleashed his quirk right before the arm flung him through the air. 

A massive explosion rocked the street an instant later, and the subsequent shockwave slammed into his back and propelled him through a window. 

He felt the impact and pain as he struck the glass, and then… 

Nothing. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Ouch, fuck!” you cursed as your pricked yourself for the millionth time. 

A red drop of blood beaded up on the pad of your index finger, and you scowled before you sucked the smarting appendage into your mouth. It was more of a reflex than anything, since by the time you pulled your finger out, the pinprick of a wound was already healed. Healing such a small injury would usually barely even register to you, but the clock above your desk was inching closer and closer to midnight, and you’d been up since 6am. You also skipped dinner so you could finish altering the dress you were currently working on, which didn’t help your energy levels, but you were just a few stitches away from completing your task, so you hunched back over and powered through the next five minutes. 

When you were finally done, you sat back in your chair with a sigh and threw down your needle and thread. The sewing table before you swam and doubled as your vision struggled to focus on something, and you rubbed at your tired, burning eyes. You always tried to work reasonable hours, have a healthy work-life balance, but somehow you always found yourself slaving away into the dark hours of the night. You tried to tell yourself it wasn’t your fault. You’d lived here less than a year, so you didn’t know many people beyond your few neighbors and the old ladies who frequented your alterations shop. 

You were also trying very hard to keep your grandparents’ business afloat. 

Your grandfather had been a tailor, your grandmother a seamstress. They’d opened a shop together over fifty years ago, and if your parents hadn’t moved to America before you were born, you were sure you father would have taken over the family business. In the end, though, after your grandparents passed, you were the one to take up the needle and pull up your roots. You’d always loved making your own clothes, and you’d always felt… disconnected in America. Nothing had ever felt… right, no matter how many jobs you hopped around to. The US had been the only home you’d ever known, but when you and your parents spoke Japanese together, it had made something ache deep in the center of you, something you couldn’t name or place. 

So, when your father said he was taking a trip to the homeland to sell his parents’ shop, you’d gone with him and somehow convinced him to sign everything over to you. Which was more than just a little insane. Your prior work history had been in food service and clothing retail, and your degree was in linguistics for fuck’s sake. You had no idea how to run a business, let alone in another country. Thankfully, you spoke Japanese fluently, so that had been one less hurtle to overcome, but everything else had been a dramatic learning curve. Getting to know the new city, figuring out the currency, hell even navigating the vastly different social norms of Japanese culture was daunting, and you would be lying if you said you didn’t have numerous fumbles along the way. 

It, everything, had definitely taken some getting used to. 

Now, a year later, things were just starting to really look up. You had used most of the money your grandparents left you to renovate the shop, get new equipment, and fix the upstairs apartment you lived in. About two dozen loyal customers helped to pay your bills and keep you afloat, and one-to-two new customers walked into your shop each month just on word of mouth. You weren’t rich by any means, but you weren’t struggling like you did in America. You felt… happy here, if a little tired. Fulfilled. 

That might also have had something to do with your little… side business. 

You bit your lip as your eyes shot to your window guiltily, like someone was watching you. You weren’t doing anything wrong—right now, anyways—but for the last six months, it’s been hard to shake off your paranoia. 

And your guilt. Which was ridiculous. You weren’t hurting anyone. In fact, you were doing the exact opposite. 

But it was still against the law. Here in Japan, at least. 

That was another thing that took some getting used to. The Japanese government had strict laws on quirk usage, unlike in America where everything was about individualistic rights. In Japan, only heroes were given almost free reign, but even they had some restrictions on when and how they could use their powers. 

For the rest of the Japanese populace, using quirks in day-to-day life, without official permission, was frowned upon at best and illegal at worst. 

Because of your specific quirk, you leaned more toward the illegal side of things. 

Healing quirks were rare. That’s what you’d been told all your life. Your mother’s quirk was the ability to lower fevers by somehow using her own body to regulate the temperature. Nothing super special or powerful, but she’d gone on to become a pediatric nurse, so she had used her quirk to its fullest and made a long, happy career for herself. 

When you were young and your quirk manifested, you thought you would follow in your mother’s footsteps. 

But as a teenager, you’d come to some hard realizations about yourself. 

One, you weren’t strong enough to be a hero. You’d tried to get into a hero course in the States, several in fact. One course rejected you solely on your application, and then you failed two entrance exams. It had been a devastating blow to your youthful dreams and self-esteem, but your mother encouraged you, said being a hero wasn’t the only way to use your quirk for good. 

So, you turned your focus to medicine… and quickly discovered that wasn’t right for you, either. Your mother hated when you said this but… you just weren’t smart enough. You had tried, really did, but everything was such a struggle, like Sisyphus slogging uphill through the mud. It just didn’t click for you like it did for your mom. You also hated to admit it, but you were a little squeamish. You were fine with small stuff, cuts and bruises, broken fingers, but once you had to dissect a large pig in an anatomy class, and the smell and weight of the pig’s slippery organs in your hands made your lunch rise up into the back of your throat. You somehow managed to make it through the class, but directly after you ran to the bathroom and emptied your own guts into the toilet. 

With your dreams of being a hero and doctor dashed, you’d been a little aimless in college, taking random courses to fill your time and see if anything spoke to you. Then, during an 8am linguistics lecture you signed up for on a whim, something ignited inside you. Languages spoke to you like science and medicine never did. So, you’d changed your major to linguistics, minored in Japanese to feel closer to your parents, and took ever other language credit you could get your hands on. In between classes, you’d taken up sewing again while you listened to your audio assignments. It was just something to keep your hands busy at first, a skill your father taught you as a child until you abandoned it, but then your roommates complimented your work and started asking you to hem their jeans or take in their skirts. They offered to pay you, but you always declined, saying it was no trouble, you liked the work, and you liked being able to help. 

At some point, you realized that was all you had ever wanted to do. Help people. And if you couldn’t save them as a hero, you would find some other way to make yourself useful. 

So, you studied languages in the hopes of being able to help others communicate. You altered your friends’ clothes and made them small things like a monogrammed scarf or mittens. And, occasionally, you healed your roommates’ hangovers or food poisoning, stopped the bleeding when they cut their fingers making dinner, pushing through their pain to make them whole again. It wasn’t a lot, nothing really, but it was something, and it made you feel purposeful. 

When you moved to Japan, you mourned the loss of being able to use your quirk on others, but you shoved the thought aside and focused on your work and the shop and figuring out how to settle down in your first home on your own. 

Then, six months after you took over the shop, Mrs. Kojima, a little old lady in her seventies, had brought in her grandchildren’s uniforms to be patched and altered. She’d known your grandparents for many years, so she was always kind and had a story to share with you about your father in his youth or the gorgeous dresses your grandmother used to make. You always looked forward to Mrs. Kojima’s visits, and she always had a way of making you feel younger than you were, but not in a bad way. She just made you feel… nostalgic and safe, like you were listening to your late grandma talk over the phone. 

This was probably why, when Mrs. Kojima slipped and fell in front of your counter, you reacted without thinking. The old lady barely had time to hit the floor and cry out before you were hovering over her, a green aura illuminating your hands. Her pain hit you a moment later, like a heated slap to the face, a bone-deep ache in your leg, but you gritted your teeth and pushed through the discomfort. Then you moved your fingers over to the hip Mrs. Kojima was clutching, and a moment later you felt the drain as your energy siphoned into the elderly woman’s body. Thankfully, it had only been a fracture, not a full break, so you barely even felt the difference in your strength, but as Mrs. Kojima gaped up at you, realization struck you like a freight train. 

You had used your quirk, without a license, without permission, hell without the consent of Mrs. Kojima. Healing quirks were illegal for a reason, so many things could go wrong, and you weren’t properly trained. Your breathing hitched as panic seized your heart, squeezing like a vise, and your entire world had just begun to crash down around your ears when Mrs. Kojima sat up and threw her arms around you. 

“Thank you,” she’d sniffled into your hair in Japanese. “Thank you so much.” 

After the initial shock wore off, you had helped Mrs. Kojima into a chair, and she’d continued to thank you over and over again, saying how money was tight and she would have hated to be a burden to her children with hospital bills and a long recovery. She talked about how a lot of her elderly friends were in similar positions, dealing with perpetual aches and pains but having no way to pay for treatment or seek relief. 

The sadness in her face had twisted something in your chest, an ache you were all too familiar with. It was the one you felt after you failed the hero course entrance exams. The ache you felt when you realized you could never be a doctor. The ache of being helpless in the face of suffering. 

Your mouth had opened without your permission, and you told Mrs. Kojima that you would help her, and her friends, whenever they needed it. The elderly Japanese woman tried to wave you off, saying she didn’t want to get you in any trouble, but you had just smiled and said, “I’m fine with making a little good trouble.” 

You didn’t know where your courage had come from, but you let it carry you past your fears and doubts. 

So, for the last six months, Mrs. Kojima had brought all of her friends, and sometimes their children and grandchildren, to you when they were in need of healing. They always brought dresses or pants or blouses for you to fix as a cover, and you did do alterations work for them, but you also eased flaring arthritis, cataracts, fevers, and scrapped knees in the backroom. You refused to take payment for these secret services, it just felt wrong, but the little old ladies somehow always snuck large “tips” into your register when you weren’t looking. 

Mrs. Kojima and every one of her friends and family members swore to their ancestors to keep your secret, and you trusted them, but you still couldn’t help proverbially looking over your shoulder, holding your breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop and for the police to barge in and take you away. 

It hadn’t happened yet, but the worry of it kept you up most nights, which was maybe another reason why you threw yourself into your work until you were so tired you just passed out. 

You sighed again as you stretched and felt your back pop, releasing some of the tension in your spine. Glancing at the clock, you saw it was just past midnight, and you winced. You had to be up at five tomorrow—today, now—because Mr. Akane wanted to come in early before you opened the shop. His bad knee was giving him trouble again, an old injury he’d obtained as a boy. You were unable to fully reconstruct the joint—that took more strength and stamina than you currently possessed—but you were able to soothe his pain for weeks at a time, which he was immensely grateful for. He always brought you fresh fish when he came by, “gifts” he’d emphasized when you reminded him you didn’t take payment, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t appreciate the gesture. You weren’t exactly hurting for money, but you also didn’t normally splurge on fish caught just that morning, and you told yourself you deserved the small treat. Besides, the protein helped boost your energy and stamina levels, which meant you could heal more people, so really Mr. Akane was merely investing in his future treatments. 

Your stomach grumbled at the thought of food, and you dragged yourself out of your chair before picking your way across your messy apartment to the kitchen. The apartment wasn’t very large, one large space for kitchen, dining, and living room, with one small bedroom and one bathroom down a hallway to the right when you walked in the front door. But it had been your grandparent’s home for many years before they bought a larger house after having your father, and it sat right above the shop, so you never had to worry about running late for work.

Bolts of fabric, some client pieces, and a few of your own personal sewing projects were strewn over every available surface of the main room, but you had the cleared path through the chaos memorized, so you were tossing leftovers in the microwave barely thirty seconds later. The warmed-up curry and rice—another “gift” from Mrs. Kojima—tasted as good as it had the last several days, and you hummed as the spiced meat slid down your throat and settled in your belly. After the first bite, your hunger seemed to hit you in full force, and you scarfed down every last bite in a matter of minutes. When you were done, the minor headache that had been pulsing behind your eyes abated, and you yawned as you rinsed off the dishes. 

You set the damp plate on the edge of the counter as you reached for a towel, but then a sudden tremor, followed by a loud boom, seemed to shake the building, and the plate tittered on the counter’s edge for a moment before it crashed to the floor. 

“Fuck!” you gasped as you jumped back and away from the ceramic shards, but another tremor-boom combo had you stumbling, and you scrambled to grab the back of the couch so you didn’t fall on your ass. 

Your wide eyes took in the broken plate scattered at your feet before they jumped to the window on the opposite side of the room. The night sky was dark beyond, cut only by the dim street light just beyond the window’s view. You held your breath as your heart hammered in your ears, the hair on the back of your neck prickling, sweat slicking your palms. 

What the fuck was that? Your first thought was earthquake—you hadn’t experienced one yet, but you knew they were common in Japan—but then you remembered the booms. 

Maybe… maybe an electrical box blew? But no, the lights were still working. A car crash? 

Then another boom vibrated you down to your very bones, and you fell to one knee as the breath hitched in your lungs. 

That sounded… closer. 

With your heart in your throat, you half scrambled, half crawled the last few feet to your window, and you peeked your head over the sill just as a flash off white-hot light lit up the night sky. 

“Shit!” You squinted your eyes against the glare as you leaned back from the window, but then you saw a shadow streak through the air before it crashed into a car just at the edge of your peripherals. 

You had the distant thought that Mr. Takeyoshi’s vehicle was very obviously totaled before you realized the thing that had crashed into the car was a person. 

Your jaw gaped open as a hero pulled himself from the wreckage and shook his head groggily. The shadows—only broken by more flares of light as more explosions and fire seemed to erupt along the street—made it difficult to tell how injured the hero was. You didn’t recognize their yellow and teal costume, but you saw patches of blood along the hero’s bulky frame, and bile burned at the back of your teeth. 

Holy shit. This wasn’t an accident. It was a villain attack. 

Just as you had the thought, another explosion rattled your windows, making your ears ring, and you snapped your head to the side to see a man standing in the middle of the road about half a block down. 

The man—villain, you realized quickly—swung his arms around like a conductor of an orchestra, but his instruments seemed to be the black rocks and liquid swirling around him. The debris glistened like an oil slick in the light of the flames, and as you watched, the villain shouted something and slashed his arm through the air. 

Then a figure suddenly exploded onto the scene, lunging out from the shadows in a flare of white-hot light. It moved too fast for you to track, but the villain swung his arm again, and rocks and viscous black goo shot toward the figure still in mid-air. 

A futile scream of warning caught in your throat, but then the figure seemed to explode and backflip through the air, landing on his feet but crushing the roof of a car beneath his boots. The wailing of the car’s alarm split the air, and you clenched your teeth until they ached. 

The flames illuminated this new man’s face, a snarl of white teeth against the flames and smoke, but only the barest hint of recognition flared through you before everything exploded into chaos again. Another shout from the villain had all the rocks and black slime streaking back towards him, and you watched in horror as a stony black arm fifty feet long formed above the ruined street. 

You knew you should be running, trying to find cover, calling the police, but you were glued there, on your knees before the window, you fingers digging grooves into the sill. 

The next fifteen seconds seemed to simultaneously happen in slow motion and at hyper speed. 

The giant rocky hand wiggled its fingers before it curled into a fist and slammed down on the wailing car and the man atop it. 

The man—hero, you distantly thought, although your chaotic thoughts still couldn’t place him—launched up into the air with another explosion that rattled your windows, the car alarm cutting off as the vehicle was crushed an instant later. 

The blond skidded into a landing half a dozen yards away, but then you suddenly saw Mr. Takeyoshi standing on the street, a ghostly apparition framed by smoke and flames. 

You blinked, and the giant hand shot toward Mr. Takeyoshi, batting away several more heroes who tried to intervene. 

Then the explosive hero was just there, pushing Mr. Takeyoshi out of the way, right before the hand wrapped around him. 

You could hear the hero’s anguished scream through your window as he was crushed in the fist’s grip, and the sound hit you right in the solar plexus, knocking the breath out of you, bruising your insides, the pain settling into the familiar ache of being helpless in the face of suffering. 

You watched uselessly as the hero was lifted up into the sky, struggling, setting off explosions left and right. Then the massive arm seemed to pause in the middle of the road, right above the villain, and your eyes locked onto the hero, his pale hair and skin stark against the black, rocky hand that held him trapped. 

In the next instant, a white light, like a star going supernova, bloomed to life around the hero, illuminating the white slash of his snarling teeth before it became too bright for you to take. You slammed your eyes shut against the burning light, and the hair on the back of your neck stood on end, like the moment before lightning struck, as you dropped to the floor below your window. 

Then the world exploded, the building shaking to its foundations, right before the window burst into a million shards of glass.

[seb-owns-these-tatas]

Witcher Of The Night (Chapter 2)

CHAPTER 1

THIS IS MODERN ERA READER WHO WOKE UP IN THE DIMENSION OF THE WITCHER.

Characters: Geralt of Rivia x small!Naive!Reader

Summary: Y/N seemed to already have a spot in the house, and also a feverish feeling inside her heart. Totally unwavering and in distress. Geralt could feel it happening again as he could feel his heart soften at the woman who'd pop out of nowhere, thus; he doesn't know if her arrival has been a good thing or can be considered as ill-fate for him. 

Warnings: Modern references because reader lives in modern day era in earth. Geralt and Jaskier banters, non-stop. 😂 Just a filler chapter but also considered important because we can see how frustrated and scared the reader is and not being happy in an instant? 😂 Kinda fluff with Geralt and Y/N’s interaction? 

Words: 4,500+ (IT'S DAMN LONG. I'VE BEEN TOO HAPPY WRITING THEIR BANTERS 😂)

A/N: 2nd chapter for WITCHER OF THE NIGHT! 😊 This will prolly consist of 15-20 chapters or less! 😊 TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS! THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE IN THIS SERIES, POTATOES! 

TAGLIST IS STILL OPEN FOR THIS ONE! Heehee! Don’t forget to REBLOG, COMMENT OR GIVE FEEDBACK IF YOU DID LOVE THIS FIRST PART! IT’LL MAKE ME SMILE!

Taglist: @alyxkbrl @himarisolace @barkingbullfrog @ayamenimthiriel @hellodevilslittlesister @vania-marie @spookypeachx @grungelovebug @fangirl-inthe-us​ @nympeth​ 

Disclaimer: PNG's used in edits are not mine even the GIF's too. However, the edits and oneshots are definitely from moi. Characters and said monsters aren't from moi as well. (Gif down below is from witches-ground)

MY WORKS ARE NOT TO BE POSTED ON ANY OTHER WEBSITES. My official username in Wattpad is “TATATHEPOTATO” and that’s the only other site I have aside from Tumblr. Thank you, Tater tots! 

You sat on the dusty, creaking wooden chair that they owned. Eyes studying your surroundings as Jaskier moved around to get a pale of water while Geralt stood a meter away from you; leaning on a wall with his muscular arms across his chest, silently watching you like a hawk.

The stares he have been giving you were completely tangible for the naked eye or it was probably because you were conscious of his incomprehensible gawking. You noticed their roof was also thatched. Adding a burning furnace which also utilizes as their stove and heat for the night.

Your face frown at the realization that they didn't have any refrigerator nor a stove but noticed two rooms sat together. You've heard ruffling from the far back and liquid being poured down the bucket as your eyes landed on the man watching you in silence. Abruptly, a soft, vindicated smile raised your lips as you leisurely shook your legs left to right to suppress the consternation tingling your nerves, "Thank you," a quiet, sincere whisper was all Geralt heard amongst the oak wood burning in the background.

No answer was given other than having to take a gander as you sat away from him; a little bit recherché with that look in his eyes, "Thank you for saving me, Geralt." you repeated to utter out a word from the man himself. From the moment you've heard his voice; surprisingly, it was rather soothing to your anxious nerves. Frightening thoughts run over cars after cars inside your brain as you didn't know what the future holds.

You didn't even know how to go home. They've been avoiding the question as to where you could find the airport.

Geralt's name that rolled off your tongue sounded unfamiliar and thoroughly anomalous. But, you would probably get used to it once the dream reaches an end.

Technically, that was the problem. You didn't know if it was entirely a dream because it felt so real.

Shifting were heard and you've come to realize that Geralt had lifted himself off the wall, taking heavy steps close as you guiltlessly gawked at him. He fairly lifted the hem of his black long-sleeved shirt, giving you a slight view of his jutting torso. You've anxiously cleared your throat and avoided his pretty glowing, golden eyes keeping under scrutiny.

God has been testing your forbearance since you've woken up in the forest. Adding more inclinations to probably torture you till you wake up from your utter deep sleep.

Much to your inattentive state and your eyes shutting tightly; asking the heavens to wake you up in that instance, Geralt stopped before you; giving much space for you to breathe and seeming to be standing on your side rather than in front because it would be a very nubile sight to be in face with his leather-clothed crotch.

Damn you and your short genes.

"You are awake," he suddenly distracted you from your distraught. You were completely engrossed on wishing out loud for whoever to just kick you on the bed so you could be awakened.

Geralt dangled a piece of cloth in front of your face. Minimal blood dots containing the cloth on his hands. So that's what he was doing when he'd tried to give you a sneak peak of his chiseled torso. He ripped the piece of a long white clothing used for his wounds that surrounded his body.

There was blood. It simply means he's really human and not anything part of a pack of wolves.

"What's this for?" you've observed the piece of clothing hanging in front of you. Brows in a tight twist as you winced from the itch on a part of your soot-filled face. Geralt left no reply and gathered his hand on yours, the sudden gesture making you jump in your seat because of the sudden touch. His hand giving you some kind of tepid, amiable warmth that made you believe that everything was real and true as you catch a sight of his passive expression.

You've felt a soft cloth fall on the soft center of your palm, "--For the grime scattered all over your face and body," As quick as he'd grabbed onto your hands, he was fast enough to leave them hanging in front of you as he turned his booted heel. The width of his abnormally burly shoulders giving you a view as he strolled around their cozy home, locking your gaze on his overwhelming presence.

"You don't have to...." a trail of thoughts protested out loud as he'd crouched before a leather bag, thus hearing a clothing being ripped after. There was a Lute sitting beside the bag and you've took notice of it and focused on the instrument instead, wondering if Geralt owns the string instrument. Geralt rose to his feet and situated himself in front of you again to dangle another set of torn, clean white cloth, "---and for your wounds,"

The smile you sent was thoroughly cordial and unnerving. Geralt was supposed to turn away and mind his own business until you've peered up at him like a cat asking for attention. The powerful looking man had to emit an evident sigh; cursing beneath his breath that questioned your sanity as to why he was already kneeling before you; eye to eye and probably trying to enchant you as it bear into your mind that magical things have been happening since the moment you've woken up.

Yes, you debated with yourself and believed in your hunches that his effect with you had something to do with casting a spell for you.

"Do...you have a name?" he grumbled with a slight drawl to his words. His unorthodox eyes were much clearer against the fire and thoroughly fetching. You've had to blink to ruin the spell he'd tried to cast upon you and took your time in understanding what he have asked.

"Ughm," you mumbled like an idiot and played with the cloth in your hand, gaze fixated on the ball of cloth scrunched on your palm, "Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N,"

Geralt was attentive of your palpable and otherwordly scent. It was completely out of this world and he probably meant that literally because of how mystifying and strange you were around them. The latter could also hear the fast beating of your heart, taking to account that the effect of it was rather much a mental struggle he didn't know. Howbeit, the other half was another piece he wasn't familiar about.

He'd given you that captivating look as you continued to stare at your fidgeting fingers, "Are you a princess?" at that declaration and inquiry, your head snapped, fast enough to give you whiplash. A scrunch of your nose telling him that you've found his question rather uncanny, "What--as much as I'd want to be a princess, I think I'd rather suit to be a queen,"

You've bunched the cloth in your hand and restlessly cough onto it, looking anywhere except for that stare he was giving. What were you even saying? 'Where was Jaskier?' the voice inside your head spoke for your nerves.

A side of Geralt's lip involuntary lifted into a smirk, "You'd suit to be a midget," he paused, golden eyes glowing in amusement, "---A grimy, naive midget,"

His opinion suddenly struck a gut in you, snapping your head to meet his mischievous golden peepers, "EXCUSE ME?" you exclaimed, rather offended.

"Y/N of Novigrad? Vizima? Brokilon--" Geralt started telling peculiar names of places, and you were quick to object his options, "No! Y/N from State farm,"

There was a long minute of silence. His forehead creasing because of the bafflement that was accountable to your words. Geralt has never heard of that kingdom. If so, the kingdom had a bizarre name out of the ones he'd visited. State Farm didn't sound frightening to him if there were even beasts he could kill. Other than that, those beasts in State Farm rather had creatures like Hirikkas or Sylvans.

Entirely harmless for an unknown person like you, if you were still alive by now.

"Kingdom of State Farm," he lowly grumbled, keeping the name of the place in mind as a hum followed through, "Hmm,"

Your mouth momentarily went ajar as he nodded to himself, giving credence to the pun that was shared. The joke seeming to be rather irking than funny because of how convinced he appeared to look like.

"What do you mean hmm? It was a joke! You actually believed it--oh my! This is depressing!" you crowed with a finger to your temples, giving them a massage. Geralt guiltlessly cocked his head to the side, watching you rant and rave like you were close to having your patience blown.

He continued to stare you down with chaste; utterly childlike innocence, making you ogle back at him because he really had no idea what it was. Geralt seemed to wait for your vexation to stop and you couldn't help but bite the insides of your cheeks, feeling guilty for being frustrated when the man himself didn't actually know what it was.

"---I'm from...earth," your voice turned a volume lower, only for him to hear as you were close to melting from those blazing eyes.

You've raised a finger just before his chest, pointing your index at him as you couldn't help the tender beam growing on your face despite of how much problem you were experiencing.

"E.T vibes,"

Geralt eyed your finger in bewilderment. You high-spiritedly wiggled your finger for him to connect; a soft giggle baffling him to the extent as he watch you waggle your finger in front of him. Much to your disappointment, he distractedly grabbed onto your finger and shook your finger like he was shaking your hand.

Your giggle died down and so a disappointed frown was about to appear when the crash of a door opening resonated in the house. Jaskier tumbling in with a bucket of water as he gave off a set of exasperated breaths.

Geralt continued to shake your finger wrapped around his palm, never minding Jaskier who marched towards where you were and his gaze fixated on the connection at hand.

Jaskier dropped the pail of water beside you, breathing in a long breath before giving you both a double-take of his surprised expression, huffing out the rude awakening that startled out his breathing.

"What am I just witnessing?"

His Witcher of a friend instantly ceased from shaking your finger, dropping them like he'd been cauterized and languidly turned his head to peer up at Jaskier who has his eyebrow up in a sassy state.

"You treat her wounds, Geralt."

He gave the Bard a glare and a tight grimace.

They've continued their stare down contest and made you smile to yourself. Their friendship seemed to be pretty much earnest from how they playfully bantered at each other. More passionate than what you had back at home. Thus, you continued cleaning yourself; after saying your thanks to Jaskier and he seemed to smile a smug one at that before going back to narrow his eyes at the man before him.

"What? Don't you give me that scowl! I've already fetched a bucket of water for the grimy lady,"

"---You've also ruined my nap for this woman!" Jaskier retorted back even though he'd only gotten an unpleasant hum from the latter.

"Her name is Y/N Y/L/N," Geralt deeply chided as you continued wiping your filth-filled face and neck. Glad to know that he wasn't looking and gave his friend the attention he needed.

"Greetings, Y/N of Y/L/N." Jaskier started rather confidently, humbly and acknowledging you who sat in front of Geralt.

You've squeezed the cloth out from being drenched as you felt much squeaky clean than earlier. Once you've realized its done as you've essentially washed the dirt away from your wounds, you dropped the cloth Geralt has given you inside the bucket, fishing out the set of new clean cloth hidden under your leg, "My name is Y/N and Y/L/N is not a place--"

Your thoughts were ceased as Geralt pulled the long cloth out of your hands. The flat part of the bandage being wrapped around your wounded knee. Your heart was jumping in utter madness and you tried to softly pull it back, apprehensively looking into his eyes as he gazed at you in question. "I-I can do it on my own, Geralt. It's fine,"

He seemed to be reluctant at first, staring at you with no words said before humming to himself about his approval of leaving you to it as he stood on his soles.

The proximity was undeniably giving you an edge of one's seat. So, it was better to avoid the warmth at all cost until you haven't shaken up from your dream.

Jaskier narrowed his eyes on the cloth on your hands, seeming to recognize the bandage. His eyebrows raising in displeasure. "Is that..Is that a piece of my clean under-tunic?! You've ripped it off, didn't you?!" he snapped his head towards the Witcher and had his brows in a twist.

Geralt only gave him a small smirk as he brazenly stood tall before the bard, crossing his arms across his chest.

The bard started to reiterate again, jotting down points after points in bullet form as to how unreasonable it was to cut a piece of precious clothing just for it to be wrapped around for a wound, "I've bought it from a beautiful merchant named Albreda on a marketplace--"

"You've bed the fuck out of her in exchange for the Tunic, Jaskier."

The haughty tone in Geralt's voice made Jaskier groan; not because he was wrong but his friend was also right and he was frustrated because he was feeling guilty of nothing in particular, "Oh, gods! This is obnoxious! You're lucky I treat you as a friend!"

"Simmer down, you're going to wake Ciri." Geralt continued to grouch and nodded his head to the door beside his own bedroom.

"Oh, no you don't get to include Princess Cirilla in this defense of yours, Witcher!"

You were completely unaware of their banters. Though, you were certainly curious as to what has Jaskier been calling Geralt like it was established and a brand named for him. Your ears perked at the name been said.

"Witcher? You're a witch?"

Both men refrained themselves to continue their repartee. Eyes glued to each other before giving you a glimpse and saw the agog in your eyes, wishing for an explanation or answer.

You've scanned the whole house, searching for a cauldron and anything that could sense he was a witch, yet none. "Where's the cauldron where you cite spells or anything?"

Geralt subtly shook his head, "That's not my job,"

A wag of understanding was given; thinking that maybe you got it all wrong based on the video games you've managed to finish back at your home with your Playstation. Jaskier stepped a foot close, a cordial smile carving his lips, "That small rat, is a mage, a sorcerer or a wizard you are saying,"

He stepped another as he let you continue to wrap the wounds on your knees with his ripped clothing. The frustration suddenly thrown out in the sky as he cleared his throat, raising a hand to Geralt's chest to stop him from even saying anything, "Let me handle this Geralt, I'm downright absolute at this---"

His nose flared at where the topic was going, Geralt knew what was he pointing out and how his poetic wits could get him enthusiastic and utter clumsy, "Your endeavor makes my head hurt to its extent," he bleated with a deep groan sent to the latter.

"I can sing you a song to give you knowledge about Witchers--" he cut his friend off with a deep scold, "Jaskier,"

"What?! Every villager loved it! They've also learned to be accustomed by your presence whenever you're around!" he elaborated, straightening his back with a gesture of his hands as he twirled it around to prove his point.

"Well, your singing is like eating a pie and finding it has no filling,"

With that witty comeback, Jaskier dramatically clasp his hands on his hips, mouth forming an 'O' as he pointed at his friend like he has been deeply insulted below the belt; repeatedly shaking his head as he couldn't accept his opinions, "The audacity! Your character development is declining in such a repugnant way tonight, Geralt!"

Thus, all of a sudden; you've been included in their random retaliation as Jaskier pointed a finger at you, "This is her fault! She ruined your nap!"

Geralt gave out a fascinated hum, "You're just mad because you were frightened by an Alghoul,"

Jaskier shut his mouth at that, mouth hanging mid-way before closing like a gold fish. He cleared his throat for the second time around and nodded to you as you looked up at him after bandaging every wound you have that were sensitive and rather deep. A small smile at how satisfied you were with your work and at both of their foolishness.

Jaskier blinked as he saw you be all smiles despite of your problem at hand. Their banters surprisingly calmed your anxiety away for the moment and you couldn't help but be entertained by whatever they were talking about. He tightly shut his mouth before looking at Geralt and seeing him already taking a good look at your twinkling smile. He'd given you both a once over, a skeptical look flashing before his eyes and ignored the Witcher beside him and setting his bright blue eyes on you.

"You'll have your explanation of Witchers next time, small, adorable maiden. Geralt over here is just stingy about the whole ordeal because of certain pasts that he doesn't want to hear,"

Another exonerated beam was given to Jaskier which made him nod to himself because of how much radiance he had been receiving from your merry self; simultaneously followed by a nod of understanding that came from you.

"You need to sleep," Geralt gave away on the spur of the moment. Golden eyes still on you as you could feel the heat crawling on your skin for the third time this night.

Jaskier hummed a yes before responding and sublimely bummed to see that Geralt wasn't actually pertaining to him; but to you, "I know I do---" he shut his mouth before adding humiliation to the abrupt blissful feeling he'd felt after looking at you.

"---My bed is unattainable," the bard changed his sentence as he tried to read his mind. Nonetheless, he was contemplating that maybe Geralt would give his own bed to you or maybe not. "---Also, she needs to change into a much comfortable set of clothing," Jaskier stated the obvious as he took in your soiled clothes that you were wearing.

Geralt just gave him a look and with just one glance he was sure at what he wanted to say despite of not opening his mouth.

"You've already ripped a part of my under-Tunic, Geralt. I'm not having it,"

The Witcher cussed beneath his breath and gave him a glare. Jaskier's will unwavering, "Fuck," before strutting to his room and shutting the wooden door closed.

You and Jaskier looked at each other in utmost peculiarity; shrugging both of your shoulders at the sudden exit of the man himself. He was quick to come out of his room with a rather large looking black, thin, Tunic buttoned top which seemed to be fitted for him and rather short.

Geralt handed the shirt and you wholeheartedly accepted the clothing in a heart beat, "This is...Thanks," it was much better than having no clothing to change as you realized there was no shorts or underpants included with the simple long sleeved shirt, "Turn around, please."

Both of their foreheads creased with only Geralt having the desire question your point.

"Why?"

You raised a skeptical brow at him, standing on your seat with the single clothing you were holding, "Unless, you want to watch me get changed then..."

Jaskier scoffed at that, also hearing a perceptible snort as he gave his friend a look of mischief; with Geralt already having a tight scowl on his face, his friend wanting to add more tightness to that scowl he was having, "Maybe Geralt would want that based on how grouchy he is tonight! This Witcher needs to bed a woman after a month of great abstinence--Ow!"

The bard has been smacked on the head by the Witcher which made Jaskier stumble from the weight. Geralt snaked his heavy arm around his shoulder, never forgetting the nerving smile he has given you before turning them both around to give you your time to change.

"Shut up, Jaskier."

Jaskier gave him the stink eye, rubbing at his head because of how heavy and painful it was. His abilities could get Jaskier in bruises because of foul play.

You changed in haste, not wanting for them to see you in your unpatterned undergarments in the midst of it all because they were impatient enough and that you were taking too long.

"I can..take the chair and the table," you dubiously started to inform them that you were done. Geralt's shirt on you stopped just below your thighs, leaving your legs bare but enough to cover the decency you wanted because it was huge.

They both turned around and studied you from head to toe, a groan rumbling out of Geralt's chest as his eyebrows seemed to draw closer. The bard gave him an unimpressed tone of his voice, "That’s your kind of comfortable?"

“It’s kind of...freeing. Believe me,” 

They’ve shared another minute of death stares before you smiled to yourself. 

You shook your head to tell them that you were thankful of their help, giving them both another beam which reached from ear to ear as you pointed to their wooden table which seemed to be rather quite feeble as well as the chair that came with it. Four chairs surrounding the table that peaked your curiosity as to whom was living in the house aside from Jaskier and Geralt, "I can rest my head down on the table, I think it could suffice for now,"

"---Besides, I think I wouldn't stay long enough. I'll probably find a way to...an airport or something," you added, smile now wavering because you could feel your heart dropping because of the thought of never going back again.

Geralt stared you down with that subtle slant of his head, watching you speak, "As long as we're in earth," you tried to get an answer out of them, yet their silence says that they didn't know what you were really talking about, "---please do tell me we're in earth,"

Geralt exhaled a sigh, making your nerves stutter from the scary demeanor of his that was back again like the curtains has been opened. He didn't know what to say nor explain to you whatever it is that has teleported you in their dimension because he certainly had no idea that it was even possible from the start.

He was sure of the portals made by wizards and sorceress' that can only reach a certain depth of dimension, not thoroughly a dimension where their world couldn't seem to connect with each other. A portal only exists and can be opened through witchcraft and not having one partial entrance.

Though, why have you suddenly pop out of nowhere in middle of the far north forest of Kaedwan when you've originally lived on earth?

"Get some sleep, Midget." was the only answer as Geralt left without a smile, walking to his room and leaving your heart bothered at the fact that your questions were unanswerable by them and even you, yourself.

Jaskier have managed to rummaged a piece of clothing as a pillow for you to sleep on. Technically, he only has one and you've objected when he wanted to give it to you because you knew laying on the floor with a thin looking carpet seem to be uncomfortable in the eye and physically itself.

The cracking of wood was the only sound you've heard other than Jaskier's shifting on his side of the room. He was twisting and turning, completely distracted by your fourth attempt in sighing out loud as you've held onto your full battery phone that strangely didn't even had the clock on. It was simply four dashes which has been unable to tell the time back in your country.

You were staring on your phone, seeing the battery level go down to ninety-nine percent and you've decide to take the battery off, so you can use it for emergency purposes in the future.

The battery was off in just one lift of the recharge-able bank. Thus, in the middle of being eaten by your own pessimistic thoughts, Jaskier turned around as he laid on his bed, looking at your hunched form, your arms on the table and fingers holding your temple, "I...I....You seem to be in a distress," the latter stuttered, finding the correct words to comfort you.

He continued with a hushed timbre of his voice, "---I don't know what to say because this world is filled with magic and monsters," pause. "Geralt can only be the person to help you in going back home,"

You've taken a proper look at him, tears forming your eyes by how you were thinking that there was no going back. The knot in your throat making you swallow hard because you didn't want to cry in front of a stranger no matter how much of a softie you are. The fire emitting a rare sight of Jaskier's face glowing under the flames, "---That is if you really aren't from here and you've just hit your head on a rock or something,"

There it was, the tears starting to fall before you've immediately gathered those tears with the pad of your fingers. The utter hopelessness and sadness suddenly weighing on you like a boulder. Jaskier couldn't see you from his perspective, though he could hear the tiny sniffs coming from the other side of the house.

"---Maybe after getting some sleep, you'll get to go back home and magically pop back to where you came from, Y/N."

You've breathed out of your mouth and fumbled with the hem of the sleeves that covered your hands, solemnly looking at Tunic that the Witcher has let you use as your own. The cloth seeming to be wonderful for some snot and tear catching expeditions of yours.

There was no answer sent to the Bard as he closed his eyes and tried to sleep. He did eventually as you continued your weeping in the middle of the night, thinking that nobody will be able to hear it.

Though, you were wrong because you were unaware of Geralt's heightened senses as he sat on his bed and contemplated as to why your scent was indistinguishable from Yennefer. Entirely greater, stronger. Yet, with you; there was no magic involved.

Chapter 2 for WITCHER OF THE NIGHT is here now! PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO LEAVE FEEDBACKS WHEN YOU DO LOVE IT! Thank you, tater tots!

[upsidedowninmyworld]

All of them? :$

I can’t sleep. Why not

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? The height I am now

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) Hmm...Gizmo

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? Anything comfortable really

4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Sonic

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: My partner, my future, and what it all holds

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Very quiet, slow to anger but proceed with caution

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? 🤷🏻‍♀️

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] uhh when I took this test in high school, I was melancholic

9: Are you ticklish? Yes

10: Are you allergic to anything? Loads

11: What’s your sexuality? Bisexual

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Cocoa

13: Are you a cat or dog person? Cat

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Hmm vampire

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? I did

16: How tall are you? 5’2”

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? I like mine

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] too much for me to be comfortable

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? Yes

20: Do you like space or the ocean more? Uhh I like both equally

21: Are you religious? Kind of

22: Pet peeves? When people touch my stuff without asking. Bad breath

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? Nocturnal

24: Favorite constellation? Not sure

25: Favorite star? Not sure

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? No?

27: Any phobias or fears? Not saying

28: Do you think global warming is real? Yes

29: Do you believe in reincarnation? Not really

30: Favorite movie? Forrest Gump

31: Do you get scared easily? No lol

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? 5?

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] what?

34: What is a color that calms you? Blue

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Australia, London

36: Where were you born? LA

37: What is your eye color? Brown

38: Introvert or extrovert? Intro

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? No lol

40: Hugs or kisses? Kisses

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? Cody

42: Who is someone you love deeply? Cody

43: Any piercings you want? Second ear piercings

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? Yes

45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? Before

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! He’s pretty great. Been with them for almost 4 years :)

47: What is a sound you really hate? A certain person’s voice

48: A sound you really love? The ocean

49: Can you do a backflip? Not anymore

50: Can you do the splits? If I stretch, yes

51: Favorite actor and/or actress? Natalie Dorner and Ed skrein atm

52: Favorite movie? I already answers this

53: How are you feeling right now? Tired

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? Half white half Black

55: When did you feel happiest? I think it’s been a while

56: Something that calms you down? Writing or drawing

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] nothing diagnosed

58: What does your URL mean? My world is odd

59: What three words describe you the most? Quiet, contemplative weird

60: Do you believe in evolution? Yes

61: What makes you unfollow a blog? Posting things I don’t like

62: What makes you follow a blog? Posting things I like

63: Favorite kind of person: a genuinely nice person that is honest

64: Favorite animal(s): pandas, otters

65: Name three of your favorite blogs. 🤷🏻‍♀️

66: Favorite emoticon: 😻

67: Favorite meme: I have too many

68: What is your MBTI personality type? I can’t remember

69: What is your star sign? Uhhh Pisces...?

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? Yes

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? A black shirt and jeans with converse

72: Post a selfie or two? No thank you

73: Do you have platform shoes? I do!

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I can bend my thumb all the way to my arm

75: Can you do a front flip? Not anymore

76: Do you like birds? Sure

77: Do you like to swim? Love it

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Swimming for sure

79: Something you wish didn’t exist: not saying

80: Some thing you wish did exist: someone that is no longer here

81: Piercings you have? Just my ears for now

82: Something you really enjoy doing: reading

83: Favorite person to talk to: Cody

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? I like this site

85: How many followers do you have? Uhh I haven’t looked in a while

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? I use. To lol

87: Do your socks always match? Yes

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? Yes

89: What are your birthstones? Aquamarine

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? Panda or a cat

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? A rose

92: A store you hate? Hmmm not sure

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? I don’t

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Read minds

95: Do you like to wear camo? On occasion

96: Winter or summer? Winter

97: How long can you hold your breath for? About 30-45 seconds

98: Least favorite person? HAHA

99: Someone you look up to: my dad

100: A store you love? Any bookstore lol

101: Favorite type of shoes. Converse

102: Where do you live? In LA

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? Nope

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? I don’t have one?

105: Do you drink milk? Yes

106: Do you like bugs? No

107: Do you like spiders? Yes

108: Something you get paranoid about? The future

109: Can you draw: kind of

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? How sex was with a person I slept with or how I could stand sleeping next to ex because he snores really loudly. Like freight train loud

111: A question you hate being asked? Who’s the smarter or prettier twin. I usually get that I’m smarter

112: Ever been bitten by a spider? Yes

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? I do

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Cloudy

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: codes

116: Favorite cloud type: what

117: What color do you wish the sky was? Purple

118: Do you have freckles? No

119: Favorite thing about a person: clean hands

120: Fruits or vegetables? Fruits

121: Something you want to do right now: see someone

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? Ocean

123: Sweet or sour foods? Sour

124: Bright or dim lights? Bright

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? Sure

126: Something you hate about Tumblr: 🤷🏻‍♀️

127: Something you love about Tumblr: 🤷🏻‍♀️

128: What do you think about the least? Work

129: What would you want written on your tombstone? 🤷🏻‍♀️

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? HA

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? My mind

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? Yes

133: Computer or TV? Computer

134: Do you like roller coasters? Yes

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? It depends

136: Are your ears lobed or attached? Attached

137: Do you believe in karma? Sure

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? Like an 8 on a good day

139: What nicknames do you have/have had? Quite a few

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? Yes

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? Yes

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Good

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Both

144: What makes you angry. A lot

145: How many languages do you speak fluently? One

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? I’m bi soooo

147: Are you androgynous? No

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: my butt lol

149: Favorite thing about your personality: my ability to see the good in everyone even when they’re shitty. Also my least favorite thing about myself

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. Well my dad, Cody, my grandma

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? The one rn because I am a minority

152: Do you like BuzzFeed? Sure

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] uhh dating app. Technically a football game.

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? No

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? Just codys

156: What embarrasses you? Not a lot

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: the future because I can’t really talk about it with anyone without stressing people out. But it helps me feel less anxious so I’m kind of stuck

158: Biggest lie you have ever told: oof

159: How many people are you following? 🤷🏻‍♀️

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 🤷🏻‍♀️

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?🤷🏻‍♀️

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?🤷🏻‍♀️

163: Last time you cried and why: ooh like a few days ago

164: Do you have long or short hair? Short

165: Longest your hair has ever been: to my butt

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? I don’t want to answer this

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? Yes

168: Do you like to wear makeup? Yes

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? No

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? Yes

[lowkeyassgard]

DAY 9 OF LOKI VS. EARTH: TINDER

Day 9 of the Loki vs Earth series and today Loki is pissed and disturbed by Tinder.

One shot summary: Loki wants to find someone that will be his mischievous and pleasurable partner on Midgard but is disturbed by the people he finds on Tinder

Quarantine Series Summary: Hi. I started something called the quarantine series. It’s going to be a series of fun and light hearted one shots to help readers and other writers get through this hard time. I made a a03 collection and a tumblr tag. To join just write a fun, soft, and/or light hearted one shot and post it to the collection @Quarantine_Series or tag it on tumblr as #quarantine series.

Word count: 2.5 K

Warning: mentions of sex and dicks

Since moving to Midgard, Loki had been saying how much he despised Midgardians. They had no sense of self pleasure or dignity. They had horrible taste in fashion and listened to music that made Loki’s ears want to bleed. They complained too much and never did anything with their lives. They slaved away to the system. It was just repulsing to Loki.

Although he loathed the humans he was starting to desire their company. It had been months and the only people he had to talk to were his brother and Valkyrie. The other Asgardians were still wary of him: as they should be. Loki might have been mind controlled, but it really hadn’t been that long since he tried to kill everyone in New York City. The Asgardians wanted to believe he had changed but there will always be a sense of fear toward him.

He didn’t want friends. Jotun no. The last thing Loki wanted was a mewling quim to get emotionally attached to him. Friends were clingy. Loki wanted someone that he could share mutual hatreds with that would lead to many hours of pleasure. He wanted what those Midgardians called a fuck buddy.

Loki didn’t have a preference. Didn’t care if they were male, female, neither, or in between. Didn’t care what they looked like or what they identified as. He just needed a warm body that would let him use it as he pleases and share in his mischievous ways.

But back to the fact that he hated Midgardians. He absolutely hated the Midgardians and did everything in his power to annoy and complicate their lives.

Had Loki told anyone that he was looking for a sexual mutually hating partner in crime? Absolutely not.

They were would think him a fool. The god of mischief scheming around with the people he hated. Fraternizing with the enemy. Conversing with the low lives. Seducing the quim of all quim. Well now that Loki thought about it: that’s 100% something he would do. Flipping sides and manipulating a situation for his own self gain was right up his alley.

Loki didn’t leave New Asgard much other than to attend to the duties asked of him but today he would venture out to find the seductive ways of the Midgardians. He would learn their ways and then use them against them to find him one that would submit to him in all ways.

This scheming plan that would be sure to blow up in smokes is what lead Loki to be sitting in a dimly lit café shop talking to a pretty blonde named Marlo.

“So, you say you aren’t from around here?” Marlo said taking another sip of their caramel macchiato

“Oh, definitely not from around here. You could say I’m out of this world. “Loki winked.

“What exactly brings you here? To Norway? You could go to any place and you choose Norway?”

“Well, I didn’t get much choice. You see? I kind of helped blow up my home and then had to fight this toxic bitch from outer space and then I stole this blue cube and traveled back in time to not be choked out. Don’t get me wrong I love choking but this was choking gone wrong. Did I mention I faked my own death to do all of this? Anyways I helped save the world and now I half willingly half begrudgingly live with my older better brother and this former alcoholic that rules over this place about 20 minutes away. Lived there for a few months but now I am looking for a partner to get into some reckless fun with.”

Marlo stared back at Loki with the eyes the size of saucers. He took one last sip of his coffee and began to stand up.

“Let me ask you. Do you tell everyone that story?”

“Actually, you’re the first person I’ve ever told. Huh what a little caffeine and espresso does for the mind. I just opened up like a can of sardines.”

“Nice tragic story bro, but from the sounds of it you’re a little bat shit crazy and that’s not my vibe.”

Marlo began to walk out but Loki grabbed him by the wrist. “As a god I feel ashamed to be even in this room but young mewling quim I need your assistance.”

“What did you just call me?” Marlo looked extremely appalled.

“Oh Jotun. Sorry just a pet name I have for Midgardians... I mean humans. “

“Oh okay. I don’t know what you want but never call someone that ever again.’

“Gotchu. Will you machinate with me?

“Will I what?”

“Will you machinate with me... scheme... conspire... plot the plot of all plots.”

“What exactly is it you are wanting?”

“Easy. I want someone to have sex with. To talk about the things, I hate. To discuss all the ways, I want to overthrow Earth and make it better. To pleasure and be pleasured. I want a thot. “

“OOOOH I understand now. You little lonely in that imaginary world of yours and want someone to share in your agony.”

“Exactly my mew- morally obligated human.”

“Try tinder.”

“Timber? “

“No, tinder.”

“Sitter?’

“No. Tinder. Here just look. “Marlo got out their phone and opened up this app. “Tinder. You make a profile and it will show you people in the area that you can match with. If you both match up then you talk, meet up, canoodle, do whatever the hell that dark tragic heart of yours desires. “

“You must help me make a tinder. The fate of the world depends on it.” Loki grabbed Marlo’s phone out of their hands to expect this site. It was just full of people wanting the same thing he wanted.

“God you are dramatic. The world isn’t going to be fall apart just because you are lonely and horny.” Marlo took their phone and began to swipe through to show Loki the setup of the app.

“I once burned down a building cause I was bored. You don’t know what I’m capable of.” Loki glared at them. How dare they question their actions. When Loki said something, he meant it. No dramatics. If he didn’t talk to someone outside of the people residing in New Asgard and soon who knows what he would do. Arson was definitely in his future.

“Okay don’t get your leather in a bunch. I’ll set you up an account. “

So there Loki sat with Marlo for the next hour setting up a tinder account.

“First up. What is your name?’ Marlo asked. “Didn’t you say it was Lewis?

“LEWIS. I AM LOKI ODINSON PRINCE OF ASGARD RIGHTFUL...” Loki was about to rage scream his official title for this whole café to hear but he was rudely interrupted.

“I am going to stop you there buddy. I am putting Loki. How do you spell that? Le

“LO! L O K I!”

“Damn alright. Anyways. What is your birthday?”

“My birthday? How am I supposed to know that?

“Didn’t your mom and dad ever celebrate it like literally every year that you have been alive?”

“My dad kidnapped me from my home and my mother and him kept him in their string of lies until one day I was finally told the truth. I was born a long long time ago. Thousands of years before your life was even thought about.”

“Okay so I’m going to make a date up. Let’s just say you are 23.”

“Moving on. What is your gender?”

“I am above and unbound by your mortal limitations of identity.”

“Okay so gender nonconforming.” Marlo finished selecting that option. “You know to get yourself a partner you might want to try not being so hostile and dramatic every time someone speaks to you. I don’t just a tip.”

Loki stood up from his chair with his knife withdrawn. “I am not hostile. I am just bothered by your mewling questions in my search for mutual pleasure. “

“It was just a tip. You do you. So, what is your sexual orientation? You know what are you into?”

“I like anyone and everyone that meets the eye. I do have a preference for men that need my expertise and women that need my saving. Do with that as you wish.”

“Alright. Preferences so bisexual. Show everyone. Almost done there Lewis.”

“Loki.”

“Right. Loki.”

“What do you want your bio to be? Something that says who you are to attract people’s attention.”

“God of more then just mischief. I carry big things in these pants.”

“Err. Are you sure?”

“Who are you? The god of questioning? Do as I say.”

Marlo said nothing for a few minutes.

“Location is turned on. Questions all answered. Now we just need some pictures.”

“I have no photos.”

“That is alright. We are going to take some. Just pose.”

Loki just sat there and stared at the camera while Marlo snapped a photo.

“Look less pissed off.”

Loki groaned and forced a smile.

“Now you just look constipated.”

Loki huffed. He did his very best smirk.

“You look like you are about to burn down an orphanage.”

“I am about to burn this place down if you don’t hurry up.”

“Okay maybe just do a close half smile half smirk. Tilt your head a little and look less like a pissed off greasy sewer rat.”

Loki did his best to do as described. It must have been good enough because Marlo did not suggest another pose. They just tapped away on their phone.

“Okay. Done. Just swipe through. Swipe left for those that don’t interest you and swipe right for those that do interest you.”

Loki did that for over an hour. Swiped left on the ugly mewling quim or the nerdy sulks. Swiped right on anyone that seemed like they could offer him some machinating.

Loki ran into a slight problem. For all the hassle it took to setup this tinder account it wasn’t very awarding. No one would swipe right on him. He had yet to get a match. He looked good in his photos. Greasy and permissive. Looked like he was ready for a good time.

When Loki finally got matches and would try to talk with the humans they were strange. The strangest one yet was when he matched with this very attractive slim brunette that lived closed by. Upon the match the women sent him a message that left Loki happy.

“I heard you carry big things in those pants. Care to let me see?”

Loki smiled upon reading. Finally, someone that wanted to get to know him. He removed his knives and placed them on the table and sent the woman a photo of them.

“Mhm. Kinky. What else you got hiding in all that leather?”

Damn. This woman wanted to know all his dirty secrets and treasures. Loki didn’t show many people, but he had his own little pocket dimension where he hid all of his prized possessions. He had no plans to show a complete stranger the tesseract but since they seem so interested what would be the harm.

He slipped the tesseract into his lap and snapped a quick photo before putting it back in the one place it was safe. He was excited to see her response, but it was not one of awe of the mystical space orb that Loki carried the powers and burden of.

“Mhm, what is that big box holding?

Loki replied with. “More than your human mind could handle.” Loki genuinely felt like this woman was someone that could end up being a partner. She took great interest in him. She was funny and pretty. Talkative and apparently had amble of free time since she was talking to him. Loki thought that until he clicked back on the messages to see that she had blocked him after sending “The only big thing in your pants is the big lack of understanding of when a woman wants to see your cock. Loser.

Loki was in utter disbelief, but it only got worse from there. Person after person would converse with him for a few minutes and them block him out of complete frustration. Loki was just trying to make conversation and there was nothing more important to him than his knives, hair comb, and the tesseract. HE meant that he literally had big things in his pockets. The tesseract ain’t small and neither is his knives. Loki wanted sex, but he wasn’t going to whip his dick out for these people especially when they played with his feelings like this. They acted interested in his knives just to see his dick. How rude.

Loki was growing rather fed up with this app. Loki finally decided to give up on his scheme for mischievous pleasure when he clicked upon a message that left him sick to his stomach.

“You aren’t the only one with big things.” And there was a naked hairy nasty white cock on the screen of Marlo’s phone. Loki almost threw up. Don’t get him wrong he loved men but not men who flaunted their nasty private areas. This man looked like he hadn’t washed in decades and that’s coming from the man who literally showers with crow vomit. This man was repulsive, and he could take him and his arguably big dick far away from Loki before Loki used his big thing in his pants to cut it off.

The whole time this was happening Marlo sat beside Loki laughing to themselves.

“Do you think my failure is funny?”

“Yes. I don’t know what’s more hilarious you sulky when no one matches with your or you being repulsed by the only people that will.”

“This is not as easy as I imagined it would be.”

“Welcome to the real world. It’s a whole bunch of nasty dicks to the face. In this case I should say screen.”

Loki groaned and leaned back against his chair. Today was a complete disaster. He had not managed to find him a partner or even a supply of people wanting to be his partner that weren’t creepy, repulsive, or downright weird. Loki did a lot of weird things and wasn’t the best at being normal, but these people were worse than Loki could ever be. Loki chugged the rest of his coffee while Marlo continued to laugh,

“Tinder might not have worked but I must admit Lewis. I have grown fond of your pent-up anger and greasy dramatics. I would be cool to hang out again.”

“It is Loki.”

“I know, but I love seeing you get all fed up when I call you Lewis. Just make sure you bring your knives next time, so we can compare.”

“Oh, I see, you think you got big things in your pants. We will just have to see.”

[purplesurveys]

671

So my school is indefinitely shifting to online classes starting this week and we aren’t having class again until April because of the coronavirus. Wild times.  Do you watch really old tv shows or movies from the 1970’s or earlier? Not shows, but movies. Gab introduced me to the Golden Age of Hollywood, and it’s really how we became close friends in the first place. It started with Breakfast at Tiffany’s, then Gone with the Wind, then Mildred Pierce, Waterloo Bridge...then it just kinda snowballed from there. I am a fan of a certain old show, but it ran from the mid-1980s to the early 90s – Perfect Strangers. Who’s your celebrity crush(es)? My top 3 would be Kristen Stewart, Hayley Williams, and Beyonce. I don’t like leaving any one of them out haha. What do you think of fake people? Sometimes you gotta do it, dude. Sometimes it’s not about being fake, it’s being polite and civil. What I do have a problem with is being two-faced with people who genuinely see you as a trusted friend. Whats a song you absolutely hate? I can’t fucking stand Demi Lovato’s new ballad, the one that starts off with “I tried to talk to my piano...” I also can’t stand most Halsey songs because of her voice. Ever been to a rave? Nah. I’ve always preferred parties, but I’m not opposed to trying out a rave at least just once. 

Are you afraid to name the person you talk the most shit about? Lmao not at all, but only because this Tumblr is private anyway. Patrice. I’d be a little more hesitant if this had a bit of an audience, though. Are you a jealous person? Not really jealous. I’d say envious is more fitting for me. Who do you text the most out of your friends? My girlfriend, def. I message everyone the equal amount on Messenger though because it’s where everyone is. Song playing right now? I don’t feel like listening to music right now. I do have Gabie on video call though, so some sounds on her end serve as background noise at the moment. Has anyone ever mistaken you for someone else? A few times. The weirdest interaction was when a masseuse for my mom came over one evening – and she’s supposed to be a psychic or recognize the supernatural or whatever – and she asked me if I was currently pregnant. Are you really interested in the lives of celebrities like Miley Cyrus?
 I’m not invested but if I come across an article, I’d take a few minutes to read. I wouldn’t voluntarily go to gossip websites or buy celebrity magazines though. What would you do if you saw a complete stranger dealing drugs in public?
 Probably wouldn’t do anything as I don’t wanna be entangled in shady businesses like that. If you don’t have to be up by a certain time, do you like to sleep in as late as possible?
 Sleeping in sounds wonderful, but my body generally doesn’t allow me to. I’m usually fully awake by 8 or 9. What did you buy the last time you went clothes shopping?
 I got two of the same Filipiniana-inspired tops but in different colors, one yellow and one black. How many books do you think you read in a month?
 Zero. Not really a secret on this blog anymore but I don’t read much, ha. How often do you play video games? What are some of your favourites?
 Uhhhh not a lot. I never did get the hang of video games so you will only ever see me playing easy and kiddie ones lmao, like Mario Kart. I tried playing Resident Evil on my own once, couldn’t get through the literal first and easiest mission because I kept dying. Anyway, my favorite may have to be GTA San Andreas - lots of memories with that baby, even though I did always just watch my cousins and dad do all the video gaming. What are a few things that get on your nerves when it comes to Facebook (or your social networking site of choice)?
 Boomers sharing pubmats with awful layout/graphics, boomers sharing daily Bible verses, and boomers being stubborn about fake news. Do you keep a hand-written journal or diary?
 I used to. But Tumblr’s served as my diary for the last seven or so years now, too. What are three things you’ve started to like lately? BOJACK HORSEMAN, the Cold Brew Malt drink from Starbucks Reserve, and the electric fan we have in the living room that I’ve always found to be too loud and too cold/strong – now that the weather’s beginning to feel warm again, that fan’s been a damn blessing. What was the last reason for having butterflies in your stomach?
 Gab requested we video-call tonight because we haven’t seen each other in a while due to the virus outbreak – I hate hate hate video calls and never do them even with her, but because she asked and because she genuinely wanted to, I said yes. If you live with your parents, do you spend a lot of time with them? If you don’t, how often do you go home to visit them?
 I live with them. I don’t really spend time with them as I like having my own space. Having them under the same roof is enough for me. Do you need a lot of space in relationships, or are you happy to spend a lot of time with your SO?
 I can be pretty clingy so I tend to be the latter, but I’ll also want my space sometimes. What was the last thing you cooked from scratch? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Have you ever won anything from those games in arcades?
 We’ve hit the jackpot in some arcade games that awarded us the maximum number of tickets those games can give, but afaik we’ve never spent our saved points on big prizes. We just like to keep accumulating the points haha. When was the last time you went out to a fair?
 First day of February. Came back for my high school’s fair. How far is the nearest zoo or wildlife park from your house? Do you go often?
 I’d say the nearest ‘zoo’ is the eco-park in my school. It’s up a mountain but it’s a pretty quick drive, only takes about 15-20 minutes to get there. And nah dude, I haven’t been there since high school. What are you wearing at the moment? Is it for any particular reason? A tank and a pair of shorts. Do you have anything interesting planned over the next few days?
 Ugh no. This virus is making us stay home for THE NEXT MONTH. Hoping I don’t go crazy. What do you do when you can’t get to sleep?
 I watch something on YouTube or Netflix, or I browse Reddit. Super effective. Are you a morning person? Or does it take you a long time to wake up properly? Am a morning person. I was kinda forced to be ever since I was 4, considering I lived relatively far from my school which meant that the school bus always had to pick me up way earlier than the other kids. In the 14 years I spent in my alma mater I had to wake up at 5 AM every single day, which can easily explain why I’ve never been able to properly sleep in. How old is your oldest living relative?
 I’m pretty sure I still have a living paternal great-grandparent. Not sure about their age, though. Are either one of your parents retired? If not, what do they do for a living?
 My mom is a confidential secretary at a hotel. My dad is an executive sous chef. Do you buy a lot of DVD’s, or do you tend to just watch everything online for free?
 We used to buy DVDs; we had multiple racks back then. But time is obviously a-changing so I watch everything online now, either through Netflix or through sites that illegally stream movies haha. Could you happily spend the day in your pajamas? Or do you prefer to be out and about doing things?
 I’d rather be out and do stuff. Spending the day at home doing nothing can be pretty daunting and claustrophobic. When was the last time you were in a hospital, and what was the reason?
 2010, when I had to be admitted for a low platelet count. Does everyone in your household own their own computer? My mom and brother don’t have one. Do you find that your feet get unusually hot at night sometimes? No, this has never happened to me before.

[ohcoolnice]

very unpopular opinion: Stop asking for money on tumblr

I’m gonna get so much hate for this but i can’t even hold back anymore. 

so i hate to be *that person* because everyone is going through shit, but let me just make my point here:

I’m an 18 (19 in less than a month) year old white girl with a black father and a white mother. I might be bi but i’m really just confused tbh.

This is all irrelevant, though, because I live in an abusive home, which isn’t something i’d stand for if it were anybody else, i don’t give a shit if you’re a purple girl and thanos is your dad and you’re lesbian. It matters when people are hurting. My father controls my bank account, expects me to pay him, refuses to let me have ANY money, and the 20 dollars i have is from babysitting, and it’s hidden in my room, taped under my bed because it’s the only place he might not find it, since he searches through my room on the regular.

I do not have a job, because i had to leave the job i’ve had since i was 14 due to health issues, and i’ve been searching for a job for about six months, and haven’t got anything that’s more than a week (i worked a week on comic-con in the summer). I’ve probably applied to over 100 jobs by now, but I simply don’t have the “experience” that is so required but never given.

I’m currently making money via an online captioning site, that pays per video minute of captions, not per hour spent captioning, so i can spend 50 hours that week captioning, and only make $16. It’s not fast money, but it’s MONEY.

As i said, I live in an abusive household. I was very open about this on the last tumblr i had, but i decided i wouldn’t say anything about it on this one, i don’t like the way i’m addressed once people find out. It’s been so long that i’ve come to normalise the abuse, and it rarely makes me cry anymore, but what does make me cry, is seeing happy families and good relationships on TV. Something i might never have.

I had to use everything I’ve saved up since i started working at 14, over 5 years ago, and now my bank account is empty, and I’m struggling to earn enough to pay off my credit card (had to buy school supplies- i’m a fashion student). I have to come up with excuses why i don’t have certain materials in class when the truth is that i can’t afford anything at all. I live at home with my parents, grandmother, and three brothers.

The worst part of all this is that my family isn’t poor. Honestly, it’s the complete opposite. My father has a net worth of over 3 million, and my mother is not far behind. My brothers are constantly treated with new shoes and clothes and school supplies (two younger, one a year older than me who is on an internship in Halifax), and my parents love to go on multiple vacations each year without their kids, which i understand, four kids is a lot of work.

We’re not in debt and we’re well off. Our house is small, yes, but everyone has their own room and there is a separate apartment in the basement for my grandmother, and we have a backyard that’s oddly large for the city.

So why am i so broke?

Honestly, i’m not sure. I know my father loves me, but the times i can see that are so few and far between that i don’t even know anymore. My second youngest brother stole my father’s credit card and cash multiple times this year, racking up a lovely bill of over $2,000 worth of money stolen.

As a punishment, he has a full season pass to Canada’s Wonderland, gifts for every occasion, and he’s practically my parents’ favorite. Sure, they scold him when it happens and they find out, but their punishments never last more than a day, whereas i am still blamed for attending a year of private school in the fifth grade- something that was their choice, not mine.

And that’s not even the abusive aspect to my house. That’s merely my parent’s preference of my brothers over me.

My father is emotionally abusive, screaming and yelling and calling me fat (though i’m in relatively okay shape, and underweight) and lazy and stupid and somethings i’d rather not type out. If he’s in a mood, I’m his target, even if i’m not home, i’ll open up my email to see a bunch of wonderful new emails in my inbox telling me off.

He’s also been physically abusive.

So many people have told me to call the cops or anything, but at home, everyone is constantly yelling at me, and calling me a liar the moment i open my mouth, but i rarely ever lie because i absolutely HATE liars.

My father hates what i do, he hates what i want to do, because, to him, fashion isn’t a real career. He hates that I’m in art and that i paint and draw and that i barely was able to pass math in high school.

I’m also ADHD. While i don’t have any money, everything i make will be going towards paying my tuition. I have two scholarships, but still have to pay about $8,000 after the deductions.

I currently have a near-perfect score in all my courses, all 100% except one 80% (an 8/10), to which i was told that if he saw anything like it again, I wouldn’t be going to school next semester.

So for my Adhd, I have to take medication, and i’ve gotten better at being able to function without, but i still can’t fully, and it’s really hard to explain what i mean by that, so i won’t, it’s really too complex. For two and a half years, ending this summer,  I was SEVERELY depressed: cutting and numb and crying myself to sleep more nights than not. Panic attacks and Anxiety attacks were the norm. Honestly, I have so much shit due that i’m gonna cut this short, because i have four more projects due this week, three due tomorrow.

I don’t have a phone, because i’m not “responsable like your brothers” and I have to walk down poorly-lit and dangerous areas of downtown after class to get to the subway. if something did happen to me, though, i’m not sure my family would really care. maybe my grandmother and my brothers and my mom. maybe my mom.

Basically, I understand that life is hard, but it really rubs me the wrong way when i see people asking for money on tumblr as if there is NO other option. there’s always some other way to do things. I’ve gone through more things in my 18, almost 19 years, than most people would in their lives, in terms of psychological and physical harassment.

And yet i have never asked for money, especially not from random people on the internet. Even though all i have in my purse for the rest of the year is a few coins that i probably just found on the sidewalk, I still give change to church boxes and i still leave food from my lunch next to homeless sleeping people- something i wish everyone did- because while my life might SUCK, other people have it worse, and I know that even if i have nothing, there’s always things i can do about it.

I don’t want pity, or anything from this. I’m just adding all that to help back my point and to show that I understand hardship.

There’s a website called TASKRABBIT and others like it that pays you to do tasks for others. There’s also things like DOORDASH and PETSITTER.COM and hundreds of other alternatives. I have to wait a few days, as you have to be 19 to join many of these, but please consult alternatives before asking others for money, perhaps asking others to give their money to people who have less, like those in shelters with families and children. Donate food etc.

Please stop asking for money. The device you’re using to ask for it on can be used to make money. So please, use the internet. Legally.

I know people can be rude, and I worked as a swimming instructor for four years, so i understand dealing with both difficult adults and children, and I’ve been called things in and out of home i’d rather not say, but that’s customer service for you. The customer is always right, even if they’re a jerk.

There are plenty of things online to make money from, and i company i work for required me to not give out it’s name when i started working for it, but there’s plenty of work out there that doesn’t require an interview or anything.

I’m sure things are hard now, and i’m not trying to be rude, but things like this really bother me, especially when there is clearly other options.

Best of luck to all of you in your future endeavors.

[donnerpartyofone]

21 Questions

Tagged by @getoutofmyhouse who had oddly similar answers to mine

Nickname: only the one I use here, that I gave myself--Claire Donner, which has to do with my famous love of cannibalism. Claire is my real first name, though.

Zodiac: I am so very cuspy. I was born at about a quarter to midnight on April 20, so I tend to relate to, and feel insulted by, the suppositions about Aries and Taurus equally. I’m one of those jerks who will tell you astrology is a bunch of hoo ha...and then drone on with my Many Esoteric Ideas about it, so I’ll just stop myself right here.

Height: 5’ nuthin is what I prefer to say...because saying I’m 5 and 3/4′ sounds a little like saying I’m 10 and a half years old.

Amount of sleep: It’s all fucked up. Until I got into my 30s I could, and would prefer to, sleep endlessly. Now I go to bed around 10 (depression), get up around 5 or 6 (being old), and for extra fun, I’ve developed this insomnia that often keeps me up from about 2am-5am. I try make the most of it by getting up, getting high, watching a movie or two, writing...basically just having a secret private day by myself. I’d really rather go back to just sleeping constantly though.

Last movie I saw: I saw GRETA in theaters tonight, which was ok. I guess I thought any Neil Jordan film would be headier than this, but watching Isabel Huppert just running around acting like an absolute maniac is a rare treat! My last video experience was RAW, which I put on to bother my husband right when we got home from the theater. (I think he liked it more than I originally did, to my surprise)

Last thing I googled: The correct spelling of Sylvia Likens’ last name. I’m obsessed with this type of crime where a group of people (usually a family and/or some of their friends and neighbors) fall into some kind of shared hysteria where they protractedly torture to death an acquaintance for no particular reason. Some times there’s an element of mystery as to why the victim didn’t leave while they were still able to, which suggests to me that the murdered person was just as much a victim of the groupthink as the perpetrators. Other example victims include Suzanne Capper, Vera Jo Reigle, and I think to some degree Sophie Lionnet, James Bulger, and Junko Furuta. (Also a crime they briefly discuss in the book Lords of Chaos, where several people murder a friend in their trailer, but I can’t remember it specifically enough to look up the names--the other last thing i tried to google) I keep thinking there should be a psychiatric and/or legal term for this kind of crime, but I’ve never heard one, so let me know if you got one!

Favorite musician: I have trouble with questions that involve ranking anything, so I’ll just say that right now I’m listening to a lot of old White Zombie. I didn’t know anything about their origins as an East Village noise band, and I’m fascinated by the stories about how apocalyptically miserable it was to be in that group. I’m increasingly obsessed with people who work their asses off doing something they barely even enjoy, for what must be borderline spiritual reasons.

Song stuck in my head: Nothing right this second, for which I am very grateful. There’s something awful in my brain that causes me to wake up with some maddening, babyish tune stuck in my head more often than not. It is most frequently the Ten Little Indians nursery rhyme. This is literally killing me.

Other blogs: @anhed-nia, which started as a dumping ground for long posts about mental illness, and turned into almost only movie writing. at some point there was just so much movie shit that i started to feel awkward about posting anything personal there again. i also got @getoffyrass which is a group blog, and a repository for images that make great drawing references. everyone is encouraged to post their drawings, too, although it is seldom used. i still like having it around, for when i have time to draw. my “real” drawing blog is @neveratendermoment but i don’t draw often enough anymore...

Do I get asks: i used to get tons! i really enjoy them, even the trolls to some degree. i must have seemed like more of a regular tumblr geek girl back in the day. also tumblr has just changed a lot since then. my blog was definitely a casualty of Best Stuff First, i think my follower count stopped dead forever right when that happened, and now that practically every single fucking thing on this entire site is either fandom shit or *discourse*, i really have nothing to offer tumblr anymore, anyway.

Blogs following: 1,057. 

Lucky numbers: 2! Also 5.

What I’m wearing: black wool long john pants from Chrome, and a white v neck teeshirt with the words BLACK MAYONNAISE on it in black Rocky Horror font. i live near the notoriously toxic Gowanus Canal, and “black mayonnaise” is the actual term used to describe what’s on the bottom of it, by the scientists who are trying to figure out what to do with it.

Dream trip: i am really excited by travel, it’s hard to pick. i’m hopefully making a dream trip soon though: my father’s mysterious finno-swedish family is from the åland islands, and my husband and i will be planning part of our honeymoon there, whenever that happens.

Dream Job: i think about this a lot, because the older i get, the more i object to the entire concept of having to work to live. i’m into the whole universal basic income thing. i’m at this point where i can barely stand to think about capitalism in any way--like i think about how the need for money is so mortally serious that there’s a lot of physical stuff in the world that only exists because someone was scared of starving, tons of useless products and packaging and factory byproducts and all kinds of fucking straight up garbage that was only invented due to the lethality of poorness. i would rather be left totally alone forever if possible. however, if i HAD to do something and i COULD do anything, it would probably be film criticism. this fantasy takes place in a world where people care so much about what i have to say that i can make a career, not only out of movie writing, but out of only writing about the specific movies i want to write about, referring to nothing other than my personal reactions.

Favorite food: i wish the answer weren’t just “cheese”, but it probably is. also mushrooms. anything cinnamon. i’m a pretty adventurous eater though. the most important thing for me is a variety of flavors and textures.

Languages: english. i took several years of italian in junior high-high school, and did nothing with it. i taught myself to read french pretty fluently, but i would fold right up if someone tried to speak to me. i learned a bunch of swedish on duolingo, shoulda kept it up. i’ll get back to it! i really regret never learning spanish though, so i’m easily torn on what to do with my time.

Play any instruments: clarinet in junior high/high school, also alto sax which i did not enjoy at all, a little guitar. i bought a used electric bass last year that i have really been enjoying, but i feel a lot of guilt around not playing enough. so much of it is just strength training. that’s probably what i like about it, though. also i got a lot of electronic music software and midi controllers and stuff...and then i realized that it could take me months to sort through the thousands of samples i have to program this stuff, and i only got so far into it before i started to get discouraged. i need to get back to it, it’s ridiculous to let that stuff lie around. this is a rare example of me wishing i knew someone local to play with, who could speed me along on how everything works.

Favorite songs: another one of these impossible questions! anybody who is even reading this can probably guess the answers from the handful of music posts i reblog over and over and over. the other night i got all hyperactive and forced my husband to drop everything and listen to “buffalo stance” by nene cherry, which i never ever get sick of. real top contenders for favorite song might be “Stand By the Jamms” by the klf, and this recording, which has gotten me through many difficult hours:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8k1HsF3EvY

https://www.forcedexposure.com/Catalog/sunray-sonic-boom-music-for-the-dreamachine-cd/STRAWB.003CD.html

Random fact: i’m sure i’m missing out on something really funny and cool, but for now it’s just the well-known fact that i read palms.

Describe yourself as aesthetic thing: man, how do i answer this without being totally pretentious? maybe nobody can! i’m coming up with something really hard to describe but it will be worth it. the other day i watched this insane, completely unnecessary movie about lorca and salvador dali (played by robert pattinson) as gay lovers. there’s a scene in it where lorca does that “pick a hand” thing to dali, and dali picks an empty hand. of course, they’re both poor students who couldn’t be buying any gifts, so they do this obnoxious pantomime where dali pretends lorca actually gave him something--but then it turns out that lorca really DOES have something. he opens his other hand and gives dali...SOMETHING. i don’t know what! they make such a big deal out of it, but what the hell? you see it for a second in this closeup, but it’s shot from like, behind and slightly underneath, and it is just unrecognizable. it’s sort of an orange blob? it’s probably meant to be a sculpture. but, i love the idea of doing the “pick a hand” thing to somebody, and the other person is just like...hey wait a minute, what the fuck even IS this?? 

it reminded me of one of the most amazing things anyone ever did at my school, bard college. this genius art student who I WISH I COULD NAME TO CREDIT HER did her senior project as this like...made up product. i saw them at the senior show, hanging off a spinner rack, like you’d see next to the register in the drug store. they were called Toilet Buddies. they were these plastic, brightly colored objects that looked like toys, but they didn’t have a familiar earthly shape, and because of the title, it was IMPOSSIBLE to imagine what to do with them. so, she gets the lipstick cam from the film department, and shoots this video of herself sneaking some Toilet Buddies into Walmart. then she takes them to the register and BUYS THEM--the baffled cashier looks for them for a while, and eventually just rings them up as a general grocery or something. then in part 2, the artist TAKES THEM BACK TO THE STORE WITH THE RECEIPT AND GETS A REFUND.

so anyway, i see myself as like a fake product--something that looks just familiar enough to exit, and that appears to have a designated purpose, but it’s just kind of cheap and foreign and it becomes nightmarish to try to imagine what to do with it. 

I don’t know if anyone i know will want to do this, but i tag @negativepleasure @moviesludge @former-contender @dimestoreman @thefuzzydave @darkarfs @theoddsideofme @blueruins ...um, i don’t really know who would enjoy this. the ultimate would be @garbagenacht

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

1-70 🙊

really… Really... R E A L L Y… How very fcking BOLD of you 😂

You know what, since I’m in such a good mood after watching Juliana “Braver than every Marine” Valdes go off on her deadbeat abusive father and defend her love for her soulmate Valentina, I’m actually gonna answer all 70 for you.

1. You just opened up a web browser. What is the first site you visit?

Tumblr of course, gotta get caught up on today’s gayness.

2. You just walked into a bookstore. What section do you go to first?

Mystery, I only go into a bookstore for one author and it’s Iris Johansen.

3. You are hanging with your closest friends. What are you most likely doing?

Something that could probably end badly for us lol My friends and I always look back on our nights out saying to each other “atleast we didn’t die tho” 

4. You just turned your car on. What station is the radio tuned to?

I don’t have radio stations set because I can’t stand the commercials, I need constant music when I’m driving so I always have my phone playlists on.

5. You have just woken up for the morning. What is the first things you do?

Go to the kitchen because I’m hungry, look around at the food, then go back to bed because I’m still too sleepy to make something to eat.

6. Complete this phrase: You cannot buy happiness, but you can buy____.

“but you can buy things that will MAKE you happy… such as dogs, a house in a safe neighborhood, a reliable car, medications and medical supplies, etc.”

7. What would you do if you woke up as the opposite gender?

First, I’d cry. Then I’d go practice my aim peeing standing up lol

8. Are you more likely to cook for yourself or buy food from a restaurant?

More often than not I’m cooking for myself, especially if I’m training because it’s cheaper eating healthy with homemade meals. 

9. If you had to lose one of your senses, which one would you rather lose?

I need my sight, hearing, and touch for sure, and I already know how much it sucks to lose taste after my radiation treatments, so smell would have to go.

10. If you could relive any one year of your life, how old would you be?

17, I’d wanna relive my first year of college.

11. Would you take a bullet for anyone you know?

My mom, brothers, nieces and nephews.

12. Would you rather be rich and dumb or poor and extremely intelligent?

Poor and intellige– nah fck that, I’d legit take being rich and dumb because if being dumb means I can secure my family’s future then I’m good, I could always pay someone to handle the brainy shit for me while I’m swimming in money lol

13. What TV character do you most relate to?

Tasha Williams from The L Word.

14. You just walked into a supermarket. What section do you first go to?

Sports & Outdoors… knowing damn well I don’t need to be buying anything but hoping to find a good deal on something so I can justify buying it.

15. Is sex before marriage wrong?

HELL NO! Sex is right… Marriage all together is wrong, wouldn’t recommend it.

16. You just won the lottery. What is the first thing you do with your winnings?

Buy a new phone and one-way ticket outta the state so no one can hit me up asking for money lol 

17. If your best friend admitted that they have a crush on you, how would you react?

I’d be flattered and make some joke about her having horrible taste in women.

18. Will the USA ever have a female president?

**I’ll have an answer to this question after November 3rd 2020**

19. You are carpooling with your friends. Are you more likely to be the driver or a passenger?

Unless it’s my turn to be the DD, I’m not driving with my friends.

20. How short is too short for skirts and dresses?

That’s not for me to decide because I’m not the one wearing them so if a woman is comfortable with a skirt that barely covers her labia, then more power to her. 

21. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, without any consequences, what food would you choose?

Pizza, there are so many variety of toppings that I’d never get tired of eating it.

22. It’s Saturday night. What are you most likely doing?

Reading fanfiction

23. You go on a blind date. Your date is extremely beautiful and physically captivating, but you hate their personality. Would you want a second date?

Ab-So-Lute-Ly fcking not! All of the beauty in the world can’t make up for an ugly ass personality. I mean we could be fck buddies, but never a “dating” situation.

24. How strict should gun laws be?

25. Would you rather be the worst player on the best team or the best player on the worst team?

Worst player on the best team because I wouldn’t be able to stand being the one putting in all the work while my teammates slack off. Atleast if I’m on the best team I’d be able to learn from players who are better than me. 

26. How well do you work with others?

Not well at all unless I haaaave to.

27. You have the ability to cure only one fatal disease and eradicate it forever. What disease do you choose?

Whatever disease is most deadly to dogs, I’d eradicate that one. 

28. If you could go back to college and choose a different degree to study, would you?

Nope, forensic science is what I was meant to study, I loved every minute of it.

29. Where do you see yourself ten years from now?

Bish I can’t even see myself 10 days from now, I don’t fcking know lol

30. Are you pro-life or pro-choice?

Pro-Choice Pro-Choice Pro-Choice Pro-Choice Pro-ChoicePro-Choice

31. Would you attend a same sex wedding if invited?

Yes my gay ass would happily attend a gay wedding.

32. So far, what has been the greatest day of your life?

The day I landed in Germany for my first duty station.

33. Has anyone you know ever been arrested?

Yeah.

34. If it could be one season year-round, what season do would you want it to be?

Winter.

35. What is your biggest regret in life?

Not making my ex sign a prenup smh

36. If you could bring one celebrity back from the dead, who would it be?

37. What offends you the most?

Non-black people saying nigga. I don’t care if they’re white, latino, asian, any other person of color… or if they’re gay, bi, trans, any other minority… or if their sister-in-law’s baby cousin Tracy got a brother and his girlfriend’s black. If they aint black & they have nigga in their vocabulary, they’re a piece of shit, periodT

38. Would you rather have an ugly hairstyle or be bald?

No question about it…

39. At what age did you have your first alcoholic beverage?

Listen, I learned when I was like 8 or 9 to keep my ass in a child’s place when I tried to be slick and take a few sips from a beer can my cousin left on the table… only to get a mouthful of cigarette butts -_-

40. What do you think happens to us when we die?

Nothing, you just dead.

41. What do you think is the best way to quit smoking?

Have some willpower to not be an asshole who pollutes the air I gotta breathe. 

42. If you could take home any one animal from the zoo, which animal would you choose?

Penguin 

43. We’re humans created or did we evolve from earlier species?

44. What scares you the most?

Dying and being the introvert I am, no one would even know anything was wrong until 6 months went by without hearing from me, and my body’s just laying there decaying and making me unpresentable for my own damn funeral  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

45. What personality trait turns you off the most?

Being disloyal. 

46. You got offered a job to do something you hate, but the pay will make you rich. Do you take it?

Yeah… then once I’m rich I’ll quit :) 

47. If today you only had what you were thankful for yesterday, how much would you have?

Enough… not enough… 

48. How often do you get mad or upset at yourself?

Every damn day

49. If you could choose one celebrity to be your parent, who would you choose?

Michelle or Barack Obama.

50. If you could only listen to one musical artist for the rest of you life, who would you be listening to?

The Rap God himself.

51. Have you ever used you cell phone while driving?

Guilty.

52. Had anyone you were close to die way too young?

Yes.

53. Is world peace possible?

*Refer to question 18*

54. You go on a blind date. You date is extremely ugly and physically appalling, but you are madly in love with their personality. Would you want a second date?

A bomb ass personality is worth a second date.

55. How did you discover that Santa Claus isn’t real?

When I realized that whole story never made any sense… no white dude was coming to the hood to give niggas toys for free. Momma aint raise no dummy.

56. Do you believe in God, or some form of higher deity?

I believe in Deism, the knowledge of a God based on the application of our reason on the designs/laws found throughout nature. The designs presuppose a Designer. Deism is therefore a “natural” religion, not a “revealed” religion. It is the recognition of a universal creative force greater than mankind, supported by personal observation, perpetuated and validated by the innate ability of human reason coupled with the rejection of claims made by individuals and organized religions of having received special divine revelation.

57. If you could save someone you deeply cared about, but it meant breaking a law, would you do it?

IN A HEARTBEAT! 

58. What is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done for money?

Enlisted in the military.

59. If you were to make a YouTube video about what you know most about, what would the subject be?

Being a ✊🏿 black 🌈 lesbian ♀️ woman. 

60. What do you think is your greatest personality flaw?

I have very little patience. 

61. If your friends spoke to you the way you speak to yourself, would you still want them as friend?

Hey, if they’re honest then I can’t be mad at em.

62. Have you ever “woke up like this”?

Sometimes I do be waking up like this if I may say so myself

63. You got offered a job to do something you love, but the pay is one of the worst out there. Do you take it?

If it’s not a livable wage then obviously no. But if it’s a livable wage that doesn’t leave me with extra money, then yeah doing what I love is worth the sacrifice.

64. What do you think is your best physical feature?

100% my muscles, I don’t put in work at the gym and eat vegetables for nothing!

65. What do you think is your worst physical feature.

I’m 5′1″… 9 times outta 10 I’m the shortest adult in the room… aint that a bitch

66. Do you know anyone who has committed suicide?

No.

67. What is the nicest thing you’ve ever done for someone you don’t know?

Not knock them the fck out when they said black people need to be happy white people haven’t made us their slaves again yet.

68. Have you ever had a night’s dream come true?

Idk but I swear I have moments of deja vu tho, then I think maybe they were actually just things I dreamed about in the past… hell if I know.

69. How would you reject a date offer from someone you didn’t like?

Tell them I don’t like them. I’m all about being direct. 

70. Which do you think is worse: Failure, or never trying at all?

Never trying. Nothing wrong with trying and failing, everything wrong with being too lazy to even try. 

[real6lacktony]

How To Grow Your Blog Traffic Using Tumblr

by

Eli Seekins

— Get updates of new posts

here

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That’s the social media dream, right? To set it and forget it, and gain thousands of followers without even trying or thinking about it?

To be honest, getting 8k followers on Tumblr in 5 months without ever logging in was never my intention.

Tumblr was distracting me from my “real work” so I thought I needed to take a break. I actually forgot about my account. Then months later thought I’d check up on it. Imagine my surprise when I saw how much it had grown.

The last time I was on I only had 500 followers. I spent that entire day studying analytics, reblogging cool pictures, and optimizing my Tumblr page to drive traffic back to my website.

Though it seems like my Tumblr blew up on its own, there was actually a very important seed that I planted, and several strategies that I implemented, that made it’s growth possible.

Let me show you how I did it. I’ve broken it down into 7 easy steps.

Oh and here are some pictures so you know I’m not just blowing steam.

This is my account back in early 2016 with only 300 followers.

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And here’s my account in Oct 2016 with just over 8,000 followers.

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And just since rediscovering my Tumblr and writing this article I’ve gained another 500.

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Steps to grow your Tumblr account

Choose your niche

The very first step to growing your Tumblr blog is to narrow your niche. Blogs that have specific topics tend to do better and attract more attention.

Colorful Gradients and Ghost Photographs are both examples of a super narrow niche.

But you also want to make sure to choose a niche that you’re passionate about — I mean that’s kinda the whole point in the first place.

Your niche determines what sort of content you will be posting.

Also, you don’t necessarily have to use the same exact niche as your main blog or website (if you have one). For example, my main blog Launch Your Dream is about following your dreams and it’s mostly focused on how to start a successful blog.

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My Tumblr blog, Eli Seekins, is also about following your dreams but is more focused on travel, adventure and lifestyle.

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The trick is to find something narrow that you enjoy.

For more tips on picking your niche, check out my post: How To Discover Your Perfect Niche (the Blogging Wizard — Adam — drops a mega helpful tip over there as well).

Know your brand

Your Tumblr is an extension of your brand, whether you are just starting one or already have one.

You want your brand to have a clear message. You need an edge — something that other brands don’t have. You need to know your values, what you stand for, and your mission.

That way you will always know what sort of content to post. Your brand will be clear and thorough, and people will get it.

When people get it, they have a better chance of connecting. And when they connect, they have a better chance of engaging and even sharing.

Knowing your brand also means knowing your audience. Who are you trying to reach? What sort of content do they like most?

(My brand is about following your dreams, travel, adventure, and lifestyle. I’m reaching out to young people who want to do something big with their lives. I value things like working hard, taking risks, and making a difference in the world.)

Here are 3 brands that are crushing it on Tumblr:

Adidas

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Sesame Street

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LIFE

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All three of these brands know who they are and who their audience is, and they do a great job of translating that over to their Tumblr.

For more help with branding, check out: 9 Tips for Creating an Awesome Brand

Follow popular accounts in your niche

A great way to find good content to repost, and to find out what people in your niche are responding to, is to check out the popular blogs in your niche.

It’s pretty easy to find them. Just look for the blogs who are posting a lot every day, who get lots of notes, and have a large following.

To get started just search for different keywords.

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And check out the different accounts.

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I’d follow anywhere from 50 – 100 blogs right away.

Reblog quality content 1 – 3 times a day (by using your queue)

One of the greatest tools in Tumblr is your queue.

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You can fill it with up to 300 posts, and set a certain amount of those posts to automatically publish throughout different times of the day.

In my opinion, your queue is perfect for filling up with loads of content to reblog (reblog means to repost someone else’s content on your Tumblr blog). And I just schedule my original stuff. That way I’m always sharing content, and I can schedule my content to post whenever I want and at peak times.

I often experiment with reblogging anywhere from 1 – 50 posts a day.

For those 5 months that I didn’t log into my account, when I gained 8,000 followers, I had about 200 reblogs in my queue set to share 1 photo a day at 9pm. And I wasn’t even sharing any original content.

Typically the bigger your audience grows the more content you can post. I don’t recommend sharing more than 3-5 posts a day until you get your first 1,000 followers.

You can find good content to reblog on the popular blogs that you’ve followed, by searching keywords in the search bar, or just by checking out your dashboard feed.

Then all you have to do is hit the queue button.

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You can change your queue settings over in the menu on the right.

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Include relevant hashtags

Hashtags in Tumblr are the keywords that make your posts searchable. They’re very important for getting your content seen.

You can find popular hashtags by doing a search and seeing what people are looking for.

And by typing in different tags in a post to see what people are using.

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Make sure that you use tags that are popular and relevant to your niche AND relevant to the content you are tagging. Just so you know only the first 20 tags that you use are actually searchable (source).

Use a call to action

I was surprised by how few people were using call to actions when I first started implementing these strategies. Since then, it seems like some popular accounts in my niche have caught on though.

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That’s because call to actions are powerful. It’s how this post has gotten almost 15,000,000 notes, by simply saying “pass it on”.

It’s great if your posts get a lot of attention, but if your viewers aren’t doing anything after they see your content what’s the point? Don’t you want them to take action?

All of your posts should include some sort of call to action, whether it’s to bring viewers to your Tumblr blog, to your main site, or somewhere different — or even to just get likes and reblogs.

At first, I felt kinda weird putting call to actions on other people’s content that I was reposting, but it’s ok to do if you do it right. And it can make a big difference. Just make sure to be genuine. For example, don’t repost someone’s original photo and use it to promote your ebook or video course. That’s kinda sleezy. But leaving a call to action on reblogs to like, reblog, or check out more of your posts is totally ok and can increase your engagement and get you more followers.

Warning

Always ensure that the creator of images you share retain credit. It can sometimes be difficult to to figure out who originally shared something on Tumblr – reblog’s usually link to the person who you reblogged it from. But we recommend trying to credit the original author if you can. And whatever you do, never remove a credit link. And try to share original content when you can – you’ll get more traction if you do.

For more tips on how to write good call to actions check out these posts:

Hook, Line, and Sinker: 7 Tips for a Killer Call-to-Action

5 Ways to Write Magnetic Call-to-Actions in Just 5 Minutes

21 Call to Action Examples and 3 Rules for Effective CTAs

31 Call-to-Action Examples You Can’t Help But Click

Use keyboard shortcuts to supercharge the speed of your workflow

I’m gonna be honest, filling up your queue with hundreds of posts is a lot of work — it eats up your time. I even considered quitting Tumblr for good because of how much time it takes.

One of the things that bothers me the most is that you can’t copy paste hashtags. You have to type each one in individually. And if you’re using 5 – 20 tags per post and have 300 posts in your queue…. that’s a lot of typing hashtags.

It took me a little bit of time to figure out, but I have my Tumblr workflow down to a system. I can’t even imagine how much time it saves me.

It’s all based on Mac Mastro (I use a mac, but if you’re a pc guy check out AutoHotkey or Quick Macros). This app allows me to save multiple different presets of titles, tags, and call to actions into keyboard shortcuts. So all I have to do is press a button combination on my keyboard and everything is automatically typed out for me. That way I don’t have to keep typing the same things over and over again hundreds — even thousands of times.

I’ll show you what I mean…

Here’s an example of my workflow, hotkeys, and scripts that I use.

1. Find a post to reblog

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2. Add a call to action with a hotkey

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Mac Mastro allows you to save multiple different actions to one hotkey, that way when you press the hotkey you can just click whichever one you want to use, then it types it for you.

3. Format your CTA and add a link if appropriate (again using a hotkey)

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4. Add tags (using a hotkey)

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5. Add to queue and you’re done

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The whole process takes a matter of seconds and dramatically decreases the amount of time it would normally take.

To create a new hotkey with Mac Mastro:

1. Go to File and then New Macro.

2. Add a new hotkey trigger. And then press whatever keys you want your hotkey to be.

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3. Add a new action

4. Search for and click “ Execute an AppleScript”

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5. Insert your script

Here are examples of the different scripts I use in Mac Mastro.

This is what I use for all my CTAs and links.

on run tell application "System Events" delay 0.25 keystroke "What You Want Typed Here" end tell end run

And this is what I use for all my tags.

on run tell application "System Events" delay 0.25 keystroke "tag 1" keystroke return delay 0.1 keystroke "tag 2" keystroke return delay 0.1 keystroke "tag 3" keystroke return delay 0.1 keystroke "tag 4" keystroke return delay 0.1 keystroke "tag 5" keystroke return end tell end run

Just put whatever you want your hotkey to type between the quotes after “keystroke”.

Tags are a little more tricky because you need the script to press enter after each one. That’s why there are delays and extra keystrokes.

And that’s it. Whenever you hit your hotkey it will type out whatever the script is set to type.

Extra Tumblr tips

Don’t try to sell

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At Least not at first when you are trying to grow. You can’t focus both on selling and getting followers at the same time. And honestly it’s pointless to sell when you don’t have an audience yet.

Plus people get on Tumblr to be entertained. People choose Tumblr over places like Facebook and Linkedin because it’s hip — it’s cool and artistic — it’s where the trend setters and young people go.

And they’re very good at detecting and filtering the content that they want to see. If they see your post, and get any sort of sleazy vibe, they’ll scroll past it without thinking twice.

Use Tumblr as a creative place to experiment and try new things — and especially as a place to post original content.

If your goal is still to sell, think of Tumblr as the top of your funnel, where you create awareness and grow relationships, not where you make your pitch.

Get a custom theme and domain name

Tumblr has a big creative vibe. Creativity and good design is important to a lot of its users. On top of that, Derek Halpern, Hubspot rated the design as the:

#1 thing that influences a viewer in those few seconds when they decide to stay on a website or not…

A study done by Elizabeth Sillence that found 94% of the participants who distrusted a website distrusted it because of its design.

That’s why getting a good looking and practical theme is important.

Just do a quick Google search, or click here to check out some different themes.

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Using a custom domain name isn’t necessary. It’s more of a personal and brand choice. And it’s definitely not going to make a big difference when you first get started. But if you want to stand out a little more, go for it. I didn’t start using my personal domain name until my blog caught on and started gaining momentum.

Check out this easy guide by NameCheap for using a custom domain name.

Create original content

Tumblr is a great place for content curators. But anyone can reblog other people’s posts. If you really want to stand out, post original content specifically for your audience on Tumblr that aligns with your brand. It’s also a good place to share your content from other platforms.

For example, I take photos of all my hiking and travel adventures. I pick out individual photos, write small 100 – 500 word micro blogs to go with them, and post one daily on Tumblr.

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And I don’t post them anywhere else. I also post daily original quotes that align with my brand.

And I also share all my YouTube videos on my Tumblr blog, as well as all the articles that I write.

Oh and make sure to add a source url of your blog or website whenever you post original stuff, that way you’ll get credit for it. And it will help drive a little bit of traffic for you. Plus getting your links shared on social media will help build your SEO.

So Tumblr is great for 3 things: reblogging quality content, posting original content, and sharing your content from other platforms.

Like I said though, creating original content specifically for Tumblr, is what makes certain bloggers stand out from the rest.

And posting content that’s visual — like photos, videos and GIFs — is a must.

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If you’re afraid to post original content because you don’t think it’s good enough, don’t be. Everybody has to start somewhere. You’ll get better the more you create and the more you post. If you look at the original content I first posted on Tumblr, it looks horrible compared to what I’m posting now. Every great blogger and content creator started out bad — seriously. They just practiced and increased their skill as they went along.

So get to work.

Drive traffic

I’m still learning the ropes when it comes to using Tumblr to bring traffic to your main blog or website. But since revamping my Tumblr, linking back to my site, and writing this article, Tumblr has brought 56 visitors to Launch Your Dream, which is more than Twitter, Facebook or Pinterest brought for me during that same time.

One thing to note is that I’m focused on growing my Tumblr following right now, rather than driving traffic to my website. So only something like 1 out of every 50 of my Tumblr posts link to Launch Your Dream. Almost all the rest link back to my Tumblr blog. How much traffic do you think I’d get if I linked to my main site more?

Maybe we’ll find out later.

Only time will tell how effective my new Tumblr will be at driving traffic to my website. But I’m excited to grow this new following, and to see how it impacts my main blog in the future.

Over to you

[eirikrjs]

What's your writing process like? You're so eloquent (even when answering tumblr asks ... the serious replies, anyway) and it's inspiring me to get to that level.

Awesome, I’m happy and flattered to be an inspiration! Never had my writing described as “eloquent,” so thanks for that! :)

So, I typically write for three different formats, each with its own approach but with some commonalities.

#1: Tumblr posts

Answering Tumblr asks first and foremost always starts with the good intentions to actually delve into the ask backlog. In reality, this almost never happens and I default to the first page in my inbox. It’s not technically writing but choosing asks is key to this whole process. I love ones I can answer in a sentence (or image) or two but many involve taking the time to research or fact-check. I like those too, but if they require too much of an involved effort they are more likely to go unanswered, as I only have so much time. Lately I’ve only been able to do Tumblr stuff after 11PM EST. Though I want to put much of the blame on Tumblr itself because if there was a way to tag or favorite certain asks for later (and save drafts of ask replies), I’d get a lot more done. But hey, it’s a site made mostly for sharing images, so what can you expect?

Ask frequency varies but since this is perceived as a Shin Megami Tensei blog, activity naturally increases around the time of new SMT releases, where I can get 10 or so asks a day, especially if I’m active that particular day. Since we’re in the middle of an SMT drought, activity has really dried up. I still try to answer an average of three per day.

As for my actual writing and style, I personally perceive myself as a slow writer. I believe this is so because in real life I tend towards being a perfectionist with most things I do. I proofread an average length post of 2-3 paragraphs at least three or four times. One of those average length posts will take me about 20-30 minutes to write, more if there are images involved.

Another self-perception is a preference for direct language and communication. That’s why I was surprised you called my writing “eloquent,” as I like to be straightforward and succinct, workmanlike. That said, I also am sometimes frustrated that my English lexicon isn’t grander than it is, so I often use a thesaurus to brush up. But it’s never about interjecting superfluous flair or purple prose but instead the right word that could stand in for three or four others and create better sentence flow.

#2 Long-form articles

Many of the articles I’ve written grew naturally out of Tumblr posts and asks to lengths that would be inappropriate for the Tumblr format, compounded with the problem of Tumblr’s limited (read: single option) image formatting.

When I start work on long articles, I usually go analog and write outlines and other notes in a notebook. Being away from a screen and listening to music helps stimulate my brain. Music is especially important but mostly for #3, below.

After jotting down what I plan to achieve, I often jump right in to Word or Google Docs and start writing the real text for whatever my head wants to spill at that particular moment. However, I burn out quickly here because, more often than not, I like to have properly cited sources to back up my claims and, like the Tumblr asks, researching can take a while! It’s not just about finding sources and pasting in the right quotes but understanding their context and ensuring they are used appropriately in support of an argument. It’s like every college paper I ever did, only I’ve actually cared about these!

Revision is key, as is being willing to trim dead branches. For example, from initial concept to publication, it took me around 10 months to finish all three parts of SMT’s Identity Crisis. Within about three months I had an article that was about 70% "finished,” but it was meandering and amateurish. It had a clear thesis but an inconsistent voice. It was difficult to do but I wrote a new draft that cut out much I previously thought important. It was the right call, the new draft, the current text, was clearer and better delineated. Subsequent articles have logically taken less time to write as I’ve gained experience with the format, all but the Odin one this past summer; it took me almost a year after I kept piling on new ideas, observations, and the silly notion to simultaneously reveal a website and a long-secret project.

All the same vocab and proofreading rules from #1 still apply, though scaled appropriately. I must have read the finalized Identity Crisis a few dozen times before it was published--and I still found typos much later, to my chagrin!

I treat article images as levity providers, something I hope helps retain reader interest throughout what are often lengthy documents. This is influenced by the humorous alt texts often employed by defunct gaming site The GIA, an outfit that probably made the biggest single impact on my games writing. Andrew Vestal’s Vagrant Story review not only convinced me to play the game, likely my favorite ever, for the longest time I considered it the standard for a game review. When I wrote the Vagrant Story piece for Hardcore Gaming 101, I deliberately included images similar to those of the Vestal review and alt texts (which HG101 typically didn’t or doesn’t use) as tribute.

#3 Creative stuff

I rarely talk about my original creations, if ever (I mean, talk about defunct sites--but I promise it won’t always be that way), but they do exist! I’ve been writing creatively since I was 11. Much of it bad, but that’s okay! (You’ll never see that stuff!)

We’re all influenced by the media we consume and I’m no different. For me this most plainly manifests through music, historically mostly video game soundtracks. In the past I would listen separately to soundtracks from games I already knew front and back to absorb the tone and mood of the music, which I’d then turn into various ideas (still mostly in notebooks, though that’s changing). For the longest time I thought listening to instrumental music was the key to promoting pure, imaginative ideas, but since Wisdom Eternal: 1973 is technically a period piece I’ve been listening to classic rock and having just as much luck inspiring the old noggin. It also helps that ‘70s rock influenced most of the game music I like!

The previous point made me realize something: when I criticize modern SMT, for example, I’ve also been unconsciously making the statement “I don’t want this to influence me.” Though, ironically, acknowledging those flaws has been hugely influential on how NOT to approach certain things. “We are what we eat,” and that equally applies to consumed media. Some of my older creative works that I now deem to be bad were the result of a limited pool of influences, mostly JRPGs. Very much akin to light novel-caliber writing and concepts, which are often similarly criticized for their extremely narrow range of influences too often focused on literal conflict and not empathetic, realistic characterization.

This post has been going on for a while, but one last thing I’ll say about my creative writing is just how slow the process can be. It’s slower than writing a research-heavy article, just because the idea or two you need to link certain plot threads can’t always be forced out of your brain. In my case, namely the subject of mythology and religion in a narrative, it’s not just writer’s block, it’s about being well-read enough to know (Y) about a particular culture in order to solve (X) narrative problem. Ya gotta read and you gotta read the right stuff, though what the right stuff is will of course vary depending on your own goals.

This was a fun ask that took me just over 2 hours to write, so I hope it’s helpful for you! Honestly, I could have said more but enough’s enough. That said, in the past I’ve tried adopting other writers’ processes to help my own only to find I couldn’t harmonize with their methods. But it’s something you’ll only find out as you write more and better understand what methods are comfortable for you. I can attest, that can take many years. Good luck!

[purplesurveys]

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1. What kind of textures do you enjoy most in your food? Crunchy, crispy, soft, hard, grainy, slimy, etc? I love chewing on any meal that involves rice. Born and raised with it, can’t feel full without it. I’ll give a special mention to slimy too, because I love seafood.

2. Do you keep up any seasonal decorations outside of their season? No. My mom removes our Christmas decor by late January, which is when Christmas season ends here. We don’t decorate for other holidays.

3. Can you remember the most awkward situation you've ever been in? What happened? Ugh god. Any time I’m left alone with Gab’s dad is bound to be awkward because he’s very quiet and stoic and I tend to be a vibrant, cheery people-pleaser and nothing I do will muster more than two words out of him...but our most awkward moment has to be when I was at their place and he had to leave to run some errands. I stood up and walked over to give him a hug, but for some reason the floor was slippery and I started to do the world’s clumsiest and longest stumble. As an instinct, I held on to his arm and shirt so that I wouldn’t fall flat on my face. It was terrible and nothing I could’ve done or said would’ve saved that situation. EUGH I’m wincing right now lmao

4. Can you remember the most scary situation you've ever been in? What happened? [trigger warning] Would have to be the time when my grandfather got too drunk off his ass that he physically assaulted one of my cousins, then a toddler. My aunt (cousin’s mom) is a little on the delicate and petite side and couldn’t do anything to confront my grandpa, who went on his rage for like 10, 15 minutes. Certainly felt like forever. Nothing has traumatized me more and that’s saying a lot, considering it’s been 13 years and I’ve been through tons of shitty situations.

5. Do you do anything unusual to help you concentrate? It’s not very weird but I did install an extension on my browser that would let me list certain sites (usually social media) I’d want blocked whenever I have work. I suppose not everyone has that kind of program so it kinda counts as unusual.

6. Do you ever wonder what your parents were like as children/teenagers? With my dad, yes. My mom tells me enough stories. I know her family hit a rough patch when she was a teenager and they had to sell a bunch of their stuff, including a grand piano. She went from living a comfortable life to having to skip meals in college because she only had enough money for her daily commute.

7. Do you think suicide is ever "okay?" Groan, this is so triggering. I’m not elaborating on this, soz.

8. Would you rather a close family member/close friend/significant other die of suicide or murder? Why is this? “>> I think having to deal with a murder investigation would be terribly messy and intrusive, and would add more trauma on top of what I’m already dealing with.” < All of this. You don’t always get closure with murders, too. And I would hate that.

9. In your opinion, what is the worst thing someone could ever do? Raping an infant is definitely up there for me.

10. In your opinion, what is the best thing someone could ever do? Be a positive change or impact in someone’s life. Idk, I’m easy to please.

11. Do you think about any fellow xangans outside of xanga? I’ll change the context of this question to Tumblr so I can answer it. And yes I do, sometimes. Not in a creepy way or anything; it usually happens when I encounter something in real life that I know another survey-taker likes.

12. What military installation is the closest to you? Fort Bonifacio.

13. Do you still open your windows during winter? We don’t get winter but yeah, December is the best time to leave the windows open throughout the night. It’s also a great time to be able to save on electricity haha

14. How cold is too cold? How hot is too hot? I’ve lived in a tropical country all my life so I’m a big-ass wimp when it comes to the cold, even though I love it more. I start shivering at around 23ºC. Too hot is anything reaching the 40s.

15. Would you rather lose both legs or both arms? Why? Legs. I use my hands a lot more, so it would be slightly more difficult if I suddenly had to move about without them.

16. If you committed a crime that landed you in prison for the rest of your life, but were given the option to receive the death sentence instead, which would you choose? Why? Death. I get to have the infamous ~last meal~. Lol in all seriousness though, I’d pick it because it would be a quick release for me, I guess. It’s a big reason why I’m not a fan of death penalty...it’s too easy an escape for criminals who deserve a lot worse.

17. Is there any specific album you can listen to in its entirety and enjoy every single song? After Laughter - Paramore

18. Would you rather be a famous movie star, television star, or musician? I don’t have talents that would make me succeed in any of these fields...I guess it’d be fun to be a movie star though.

19. If you are not religious, have you ever eaten dinner with a group of people that were and said grace before eating? How was this for you? If you are religious and say grace before dinner, have you ever eaten dinner with a group of people that weren't and didn't say grace before eating? How was this for you? Yes. I’m from a Catholic family, so we pray before every meal. I do a sign of the cross but barely, just so my mom sees I move my hands when we start the prayer; but I haven’t recited grace since I told myself I was going to be atheist.

20. Do you think an evil Santa or an evil Easter Bunny would make a better villain in a horror movie? I’d go with Evil Santa mostly because I have no attachment to the Easter Bunny whatsoever, and because it’d be hilarious to see a man with reindeer be mean.

21. Did you ever think any fictional story-book character was creepy as a child? Do you still think any of them are creepy? Yes. That girl who wears a ribbon around her neck still gives me the fucking creeps.

22. Would you rather wear nothing but white or nothing but black? Is there any color you'd actually want to wear head-to-toe? Black. I’ve done that many times, so it wouldn’t feel weird.

23. What physical/mental health problems run in your family? Do you have any of the same problems? I’m almost certain there are underlying issues on my mom’s side but seeing as none of us have ever gotten ourselves checked (and most of them don’t believe in mental health problems anyway) I doubt I’ll ever find out what exactly’s wrong.

24. What is your mental and physical health like right now? They are both doing surprisingly well considering how long I’ve had to stay home and how much everything has turned upside down. I’ve only had two bad breakdown in four months and I’ve since recovered from that nasty fever I got, so I can’t complain.

25. If you found a suitcase (with no information about the owner) with a million dollars inside of it , would you turn it into the police or keep it? Be honest. ;] “>> See, a million dollars is an exorbitant sum. There is no way I could just casually make off with a missing million and not suffer repercussions. It's just too much goddamn money, and in this particular scenario, it's highly likely that it's a trap of some sort (whether set for me, or set for someone else and my dumb ass just happened to stumble across it). I'm not dumb enough to try it.

Neither would I necessarily want to turn it in, because that might cause me to get involved in something I didn't want or need to be involved in. The most logical course of action for me would be to leave it the fuck alone.” < Yeup.

26. Would you rather gaze at the stars or clouds? Stars. The fact that they’re so much farther away makes them more fascinating to me.

27. Are they any foods you used to enjoy but no longer like? Are there any foods you used to dislike but now enjoy? There’s a certain brand of frozen sisig that I used to looooove and would have multiple servings of every time I had it. But I had it one too many times and now I can’t even stand the smell of it. On the other hand, I hated chicken curry as a kid, but I can’t get enough of it now.

28. Do you feel much older or younger than you are? Why? Neither. I just feel 22.

29. Did you get along with kids that were older or younger than you? I mostly got along with kids of the same age. I found younger kids too rowdy and being around older kids always felt intimidating.

30. Do you know any magic tricks? Nopes.

31. How much would life suck for you if you had a wheat allergy? A lot.

32. Are you able to watch gory scenes in movies? Why or why not? For sure. I always want to see how far FX artists can go; and if used correctly, gory scenes can be super integral to the movie. Midsommar is a really good example.

33. Do you constantly check the time? Does time seem to move quickly or slowly for you? Not anymore. I used to check it a lot while I was still in school. Sigh, I miss that life so much. Anyway, time definitely felt slower during the first few weeks of the lockdown, but now that I’m used to it days just fly by. I can hardly believe we’re nearly in the middle of July. So much of this year has been wasted. It’s miserable.

34. Would you rather live in a nice house in a bad location, or a less-than-nice house in a great location? I’m taking the great location. I don’t know if I can last living in a shady area, no matter how beautiful my house is.

35. Have you ever been a witness to a horrible crime? What happened? Domestic violence is the worst thing I can think of. I enumerated one of them in one of the earlier questions, but I witnessed several other cases as a kid.

[landscapepaintingclass]

Course Syllabus

Landscape Painting

Spring 2020

Weeks 13-17 (March 24-April 24)

Gerlesborgsskolan Stockholm

Instructor: Todd Gordon

Email: toddjgordon@gmail.com

COURSE DESCRIPTION

This intensive workshop will introduce students to several fundamental concepts, methods, techniques, and materials associated with the process of plein-air landscape painting. Emphasis will be placed primarily on perceptual, observational painting done outside, on-site, and, due to the current health emergency, mostly on an individual basis. Instruction, individual and group critiques will be conducted online. This course will be taught in English.

COURSE OBJECTIVES

Students will be encouraged to develop and improve their technical facility through the investigative processes of observational painting. We will, essentially, learn how to see. This workshop will stress the importance of critical and analytical thinking as essential intellectual and verbal complements to expressive visual communication. Students will work toward acquiring the basic, necessary skills and visual vocabulary to begin to approach painting from their individual, unique points-of-view. 

COURSE SCHEDULE

This course will consist of 2 parts: studio/painting sessions and online discussions/critiques. Students will be divided into the same four groups as their corresponding atelier numbers (i.e. Ateliers 5-8). Typically students will work individually for 3 hour painting sessions either during the morning or afternoon, and have 40 minute online discussions/ critiques, by group, about the work in the alternating morning/afternoon sessions (see weekly schedule below). If during individual painting sessions, students need additional instruction, individual or group conference calls with the instructor will be scheduled accordingly. This will be on a first-come basis. Students will create individual blogs using Tumblr and upload their work for review. During the two week break (Weeks 14 & 15), class will not meet but students are expected to work independently on course assignments.

WEEK 13

Monday 23/3 Mentorsmöte/ Konsthistoria

Tuesday 24/3 

(9:00-12:00) - All Students - Introduction to course, explanation of materials list, clothing recommendations, discussion of painting set up, surfaces, palette, color (hue, saturation, value), image presentation

Wednesday 25/3 

(9:00-12:00) - All Groups (Ateliers 5-8) begin morning paintings outside. 

(13:00–16:00) - ZOOM Meetings: 

 Atelier 5 -  13:00-13:40

Atelier 6 -  13:45-14:25

Atelier 7 -  14:30-15:10 

Atelier 8 -  15:15-15:55

Thursday 26/3

(9:00-12:00) - All Groups (Ateliers 5-8) continue working on morning paintings.

(13:00–16:00) - ZOOM Meetings:

Atelier 5 -  13:00-13:40

Atelier 6 -  13:45-14:25

Atelier 7 -  14:30-15:10 

Atelier 8 -  15:15-15:55

Friday 27/3 - NO CLASS

WEEK 14

30/3 - 3/4 -  NO CLASS - Independent Study/ Open House - Work on assigned paintings

WEEK 15

6/4 - 10/4 - NO CLASS - Independent Study/ Easter Break - Work on assigned paintings

WEEK 16

Monday 13/4 ANNANDAG PÅSK

Tuesday 14/4 Mentorsmöte/ KROKI

Wednesday 15/4

(9:00-12:00) - ZOOM Meetings: 

 Atelier 5 -  13:00-13:40

Atelier 6 -  13:45-14:25

Atelier 7 -  14:30-15:10 

Atelier 8 -  15:15-15:55

(13:00–16:00) - All groups work on afternoon paintings.

Thursday 16/4

(9:00-12:00) - ZOOM Meetings: 

 Atelier 5 -  13:00-13:40

Atelier 6 -  13:45-14:25

Atelier 7 -  14:30-15:10 

Atelier 8 -  15:15-15:55

(13:00–16:00) - All groups work on afternoon paintings.

Friday 17/4

(9:00-12:00) -  Work Session

(13:00–16:00) -  Individual Critiques - Sign up as needed

WEEK 17

Monday 20/4 Mentorsmöte/ Konsthistoria

Tuesday 21/4

(9:00-12:00) - Work Session

(13:00–16:00) - ZOOM Meetings:

Atelier 5 -  13:00-13:40

Atelier 6 -  13:45-14:25

Atelier 7 -  14:30-15:10 

Atelier 8 -  15:15-15:55

Wednesday 22/4

(9:00-12:00) - Work Session

(13:00–16:00) - ZOOM Meetings:

Atelier 5 -  13:00-13:40

Atelier 6 -  13:45-14:25

Atelier 7 -  14:30-15:10 

Atelier 8 -  15:15-15:55

Thursday 23/4

(9:00-12:00) - Work Session

(13:00–16:00) - ZOOM Meetings:

Atelier 5 -  13:00-13:40

Atelier 6 -  13:45-14:25

Atelier 7 -  14:30-15:10 

Atelier 8 -  15:15-15:55

Friday 24/4 (9:00-16:00)

FINAL CRITIQUE  - Students from all groups (Ateliers 5-8) will show work from class, including work done on site, assignments, and unfinished paintings. This will be a very intense day and time will be strictly limited for each student. Constructive, verbal participation during the critique is encouraged and expected from each student.

WEATHER

This is an observationally based, landscape painting class so we will be working outside, regardless of the cold weather. DRESS APPROPRIATELY (wear layers, fingerless gloves, warm socks and footwear, etc.) If the forecast calls for rain or snow, look for a spot to set up under a bridge, on porch, etc. If the weather is too uncooperative, work inside looking out of a window.

MATERIALS*

This course would normally emphasize oil paint as the chosen medium. Students, however, will be working away from Gerlesborgsskolan due to the current health situation and may not have access to proper storage, ventilation, or disposal for oil paint, mediums, and solvents. As a result, acrylic or other water-based paint (gouache) may be used during the course.

Recommended colors for both oil and water-based painting:

Cadmium Lemon or Hansa Yellow

Cadmium Yellow Medium

Cadmium Orange

Cadmium Red Medium or Pyrrole Red  

Quinacrodone Magenta or Alizarin Crimson

Ultramarine Blue 

Cerulean Blue 

Yellow Ochre

Titanium White (large tube)

additional colors:

Raw Sienna

Phthalo Blue (green shade)

Do not buy “hue” paints – they are cheaper, but have more white or more binder and less pigment.

“Student Grade” paints also have less pigment and more binder.

Brushes

There are 4 basic shapes of brushes – filbert, round, flat, and bright.  Each shape also varies in size (designated by a number, ie #4 Round, #12 Flat).  Brushes also vary in the material of the bristle, ranging from stiff hog bristle to soft sable to synthetic nylon.  Buy at least 6 long-handled brushes for oil painting. Try a mix of bristle and synthetic in varying sizes (i.e #2, #4, #6, #8, #10, etc.).

Recommended:

2-3 Rounds (at least one #2 synthetic for detail work) 

2-3 Flats

1 Filbert

Also, if you plan on priming your painting surfaces with gesso, you will need a cheap house painting brush (called a “chip” brush in English) that you can purchase from a hardware store.

Surfaces

Students are encouraged to paint on primed canvas, wood or paper. Students can either purchase pre-stretched canvases or prepared wood (rigid) surfaces or prepare their own. Surfaces should vary in size and should be no smaller than 20 x 30cm.

Other Materials

If you want to use oil paint:

Odorless mineral spirits - Gamsol, Turpenoid, Becker

Stand oil

2+ glass jars with lids (recycled food jars work well)

If you are using acrylic paint:

Gel medium (I sometimes use a medium body gel when working with acrylics, but there are many varying mediums depending on the drying time and the type of finish you want - matte, gloss, semi-gloss, etc.)

Plastic spray bottle commonly used for watering plants

For both oil and acrylic painting:

2 palette knives (metal, not plastic)

Palette (Disposable paper palette, freezer paper or glass)

Plastic container to hold water (food container like large yogurt container works well)

Paper towels or cloth rags

Liquid dish or hand soap, brush cleaner

Gesso 

1” blue painter’s tape

2-4 graphite pencils (4B, 9B)

1 white plastic eraser

Small sketchbook

Optional:

Pizza boxes or portfolio case for carrying wet paintings

I also recommend that you use an easel when painting. If you cannot borrow one from school, it might be a good investment to purchase one to have beyond school. For landscape painting, I recommend a standard French plain-air box easel. This easel is useful for both small and larger paintings (up to 82cm high). Here is a link to the brand and model I use:

 http://www.mabef.com/en/products/easels-sketch-boxes/m23. 

You do not need to purchase this very model, I am only providing you with an example. There are several other brands (Julian, Richeson, etc.) that make similar style easels. Find the one that is most cost effective and suitable to your needs and interests.

You may also try pochade boxes. They are usually much lighter than French easels, which is nice for transport but can cause other stability problems on windy days. They are also limiting in terms of the maximum height on which you can work.

Here is a link so you can see the actual easel:

https://www.dickblick.com/products/mabef-pochade-box-and-tripod/

I have one of these pochade boxes. Please note, they require the purchase of a separate tripod as well:

https://www.dickblick.com/products/sienna-pastel-pochade-box/

ASSIGNMENTS

During Weeks 14 and 15 CLASS WILL NOT MEET. Students are expected to continue working independently. Choose TWO of the following painting projects to complete by the Final Critique (24/4/2020).

Paint one large landscape painting, minimum of 70 x 100cm. Work on painting over a minimum of 3-5 sittings. Consider time of day, consistent lighting, weather, etc.

Work on a series. Choose a single landscape view - outside, from a window - and work on a series of paintings using this composition over the course of several days or weeks. Vary the times of day (morning, afternoon, night) when you set up and consider the light in the motif. Each painting should be completed in a single sitting. Make a total of at least 6 paintings.

Paint 6 small premier coup landscapes from direct observation. These paintings should be done quickly and gesturally. React and respond to the perceived environment. Experiment with different size brushes. Paint economically. What’s essential, visually in the landscape to make a successful painting?

Paint 2 landscapes from the same window in your house/apartment or studio. Paint one during the day, and one at night. Work on paintings for multiple sessions. Paintings must be a minimum of 46 x 60cm.

Paint 2 nocturnes outside. Consider lighting sources (wearable headlamp, streetlights, signage, light from windows, etc) when setting up - how to light your surface? how to light your palette? Dress warmly. Paintings must be a minimum of 46 x 60cm.

Make 2 paintings of the landscape from the same window. Paint both pictures entirely from observation. Paint a third painting from memory, using the finished paintings as source material.

Make several drawings (5-10) from differing vantage points of an interesting landscape. Use charcoal, graphite, colored pencil, pastel, marker, ink, etc. or a combination of all of them. Drawings should be done from life. Make a painting using the drawings as source material.

Paint two transcriptions of one of the following Old Master paintings. This should be an interpretation of the painting, not an exact copy. Focus on the compositional structure and the essential elements of the painting. Think in terms of abstract shapes, flat planes of local color, and edges when describing form

Uccello, The Battle of San Romano, 1436-1440

Titian or Giorgione, The Pastoral Concert, 1509

Titian, Bacchus and Ariadne, 1520-1523

Titan, Rape of Europa, 1560-1562

Titian, The Death of Actaeon, 1575

Bruegel, Hunters in the Snow, 1565

Bruegel, The Harvesters, 1565

Poussin, The Adoration of the Golden Calf, 1633-34

Poussin, The Triumph of Pan, 1635

Constable, The Hain Way, 1821

BLOG

I have set up a blog for this class on Tumblr: https://landscapepaintingclass.tumblr.com . Students are required to create their own blogs at the beginning of the course, using whatever platform they choose (Tumblr, WordPress, etc.). After creating their individual blogs, students will email me the links to these respective blogs. I will then post a list of these links on the class blog so all students have access to their classmates’ blogs. Students will use these blogs primarily to post images of their work, both in-progress and completed paintings, throughout the month. As a class we will be able to access these images during our online discussions and critiques. Students can also add comments or share their experiences about their work or the experience of painting the landscape.

Please note: for easier login access, the classroom blog will be not be password protected. If, however, you would like to make your blog private and inaccessible to anyone outside of class, you will still be required to share your password with me and members of the class.

For inspiration, here are a couple of painting blogs to check out:

https://paintingowu.wordpress.com

This blog is written by Frank Hobbs, Painting Professor at Ohio Wesleyan University. It is a thoroughly  comprehensive site which includes essays about several painters and links to other contemporary painters’ websites. Fantastic resource for painting.

https://stuartshils.tumblr.com

This is an artist’s blog, composed by Stuart Shills, and American painter from Philadelphia.

[watusichris]

A Dylan a Day Annex: Narrow is the Way

“…[W]e don’t care about the atom bomb, any of that, because we know this world is going to be destroyed, if not by the word, and Christ will set up his kingdom in Jerusalem for a thousand years. When the lion lies down with the lamb, you know the lion will eat straw on that day. Also, if a man doesn’t live to be a hundred years old, he will be called accursed, that’s interesting, isn’t it? But we don’t mind, we know that’s coming. And if any man have not the spirit of Christ in him, he is a slave to bondage. You know bondage? I know you all know bondage.”

So who said that? Pat Robertson? Joel Osteen?

Mike Pence, maybe? Roy Moore?

No, it was Bob Dylan, born-again vessel of his Lord Jesus Christ, speaking on the stage at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium on Nov. 19, 1979, at a show (a benefit for the Christian relief organization World Vision) that I attended and reviewed. The date was among the first of what may be called Dylan’s “gospel years” tour, which ran on stages around the world through November 1981.

Dylan raved on in a similar fashion through many of the ensuing shows he played in 1979-80; he dialed things down considerably during his 1981 gigs, at which he performed some of his earlier non-Christian material.

However, you’d never know it from the contents of Trouble No More, the new eight-CD/one DVD package devoted to Dylan’s evangelical years, just issued by Sony Legacy as the 13th installment of its “Bootleg Series” comprising previously unreleased material from his catalog.

I’ll have more to say about that particular piece of archival legerdemain in a moment. First, some historical background, in case you need it.

Dylan turned to Jesus in early 1979, after a tumultuous period that saw his divorce from wife Sara and the release of his poorly received album Street-Legal and his calamitous four-hour feature film Renaldo & Clara. He had experienced something like a religious epiphany after someone threw a small cross on stage during a Nov. 17,1978, show in San Diego. He soon began attending services and Bible study classes at the Vineyard Fellowship, an evangelical church based in Reseda, in the San Fernando Valley.

In early ’79, he wrote a brace of Christian-themed songs; his first thought was to give them to his backup singer (and future second wife) Carolyn Dennis, but in the end he decided to record them himself.

Those songs ultimately appeared on the albums Slow Train Coming (1979) and Saved (1980); nearly all that material was drawn on during his 1979-80 tours. Some further Christian-themed numbers were released on the 1981 album Shot of Love, though by that time Dylan had begun to inch away from sermonizing and (probably at the insistence of concert promoters) had started to perform his earlier, secular material on stage again.

Trouble No More leans heavily on concert recordings from this period. Of the 102 tracks on the set, 74 are drawn from live shows; two of the eight discs are drawn from Dylan’s April 1980 shows in Toronto, and two are devoted to a June 27, 1981, gig at Earls Court in London. Another 18 songs recorded in San Diego on Nov. 28, 1979 (nine days after the date I attended in Santa Monica) are included on a two-CD bonus set offered to Dylan fans who purchased the boxed set through his official web site.

Additionally, the DVD, a one-hour film directed by Jennifer LeBeau, contains 10 songs filmed by Ron Kantor at Toronto’s Massey Hall on April 20, 1980 (and long bootlegged in a full-length alternate cut comprising 16 Dylan performances, numbers by his backup singers, and onstage patter).

I will freely admit that my anticipation for Trouble No More, which surveys the most divisive years of Dylan’s career, was not nearly as high as it was for the previous two “Bootleg Series” sets, which were comprehensive reconsiderations of the “basement tapes” with the Hawks of 1967-68 and the classic first electric sessions of 1965-66. (Both those packages deservedly won Grammy Awards as best historical album.)

I have never had any patience or affection for Dylan’s gospel recordings, save for a few tracks on Shot of Love, which was issued when Dylan already had one foot out the church door. I won’t dwell on these records. I put down my thoughts about the albums of this period in a series of 2013 Tumblr posts; you can scroll down on this page to find them, or, if you like, you can read them in my 2016 collection Together Through Life, which follows Dylan from his first album through “the Sinatra years.”

I continue to consider Dylan’s religious material an accumulation of tics: The songs are dogmatic, didactic, pedantic, schematic, simplistic. Though the official rubric for Trouble No More is “You Will Believe!,” the copious live material therein has done nothing to alter my original opinion.

The inclusion of such songs as “Ain’t Gonna Go to Hell For Anybody,” “Ain’t No Man Righteous, No Not One,” “Trouble in Mind,” and “Stand By Faith,” none of which appeared on the original LPs, supplies only further evidence of Dylan’s airless and accusatory approach. Over the course of the eight discs, the multiple concert versions of the 19 songs on Slow Train and Saved instill a cumulative affect of Jesus fatigue.

I will confess that the box led me to reconsider my original aversion to Dylan’s band of this period. At the Santa Monica Civic show I attended, I was so thoroughly pissed off by the throngs of vocal, adoring Christians in the heavily papered house (and the acolytes waving their placards, Bibles, and religious tracts at the venue door) that I closed my ears to what was coming off the stage, and I condemned Dylan’s players as “hacks.”

My humblest apologies. The recorded evidence suggests that guitarist Fred Tackett, keyboardists Spooner Oldham and Terry Young, bassist Tim Drummond, and drummer Jim Keltner, backed by a phalanx of black female vocalists, stirred up a soulful noise on stage. They were easily one of Dylan’s finest touring units. Dylan responded to the group with some of the best singing of his entire career – his voice on the ’79 and ’80 performances is full, rich, and flexible. It must be added, however, that by 1981 the band, now augmented by additional guitarist Steve Ripley, had grown strident and hammering.

The general excellence of the playing aside, the performances were made in the service of a system of beliefs that was at its core heartless, intolerant, devoid of actual Christian love, and frankly loony at almost every turn. On many nights Dylan telegraphed his ideas -- about the imminent battle of Armageddon and Jesus’ coming return to triumph over Satan and save believers from damnation -- in convoluted, proselytizing on-stage raps.

Here we arrive at the central rub of the present collection.

It has never been a secret that Reverend Bob went off like a missile with serious trajectory problems during his concert tours of the era. In 1990, Dylanologist Clinton Heylin assembled some of Dylan’s more wacked-out soliloquys into a small, long out-of-print book for Hanuman Press, Saved! The Gospel Speeches. That tome has since been superseded by the comprehensive transcripts of Dylan’s sermonettes compiled on the Scandinavian web site About Bob (bjorner.com/bob.htm) as part of its running record of his ’79-’81 concerts.

To her credit, Trouble No More annotator Amanda Petrusich, possibly my least favorite contemporary music critic, takes the trouble to quote some of Dylan’s less coherent “sanctified jeremiads.” But her piece – like another in the box by celebrity atheist and Dylan fanboy Penn Jillette – collapses in apology, somewhat shockingly ascribing “inadvertent” humanity to Dylan’s songs.

Save for a mild boilerplate spoken introduction to “Solid Rock,” you will otherwise hunt in vain for any evidence that Bob Dylan was saying some really crazy shit on stage during his evangelical era. His sermonizing voice has been neatly expunged from the box’s highly selective version of history. You won’t hear him excoriating the city of San Francisco (where he debuted his evangelical music during a run of 14 shows at the Fox Warfield in November 1979) as some new Sodom of homosexuality, impugning the Muslim faith as “a funny thing,” or zinging rock contemporaries such as Bruce Springsteen and Pete Townshend as heathens.

Certainly you won’t find his condemnation of country musicians, which may be considered an implied indictment his early musical hero Hank Williams, the libertine author of “Help Me Understand” (heard in a live version on Trouble No More) and “I Saw the Light”: “I know a lot of country and western…sing ah, sing ah, what is it? ‘You can put your shoes under my bed anytime.’ And then they turn around and sing, ‘Oh Lord, just a closer walk with thee.’ Well, I can’t do that, That’s right, you cannot serve two masters. You gotta hate one and love the other. You can’t drink out of two cups.”

The apparent objective of the boxed set’s editorial maneuver is to represent Dylan’s brand of Christianity in a benign, benevolent light, by removing the music from the larger and highly problematic context of his apocalyptic beliefs. Nowhere is this strategy of decontextualization more obvious than in LeBeau’s film.

Anyone who has ever seen an uncut version of the 1980 Massey Hall show will almost certainly recall a nearly 10-minute Dylan spiel in which he surmised that Russia’s 1979 invasion of Afghanistan was a prefiguring of the final conflict between Christ and Satan at Armageddon. It is slightly demented, and you will not hear it here. (You can find it on YouTube, though.)

The movie’s Toronto concert material, sans stage patter, is bracketed by scenes from a 1980 L.A. rehearsal; the documentary climaxes with a pretty but incongruous (and secular) duet between Dylan and his backup singer and then-paramour Clydie King on the 1968 Dion hit “Abraham, Martin and John (possibly as a hat-tip to Dion’s own born-again status).

The Toronto performances are intercut with newly filmed “sermons” written by Luc Sante and delivered, in what looks to be the gloomiest church in the world, by actor Michael Shannon.

Absent Dylan’s actual presence in his onstage pulpit, Shannon – who here resembles Richard Kiel’s menacing Jaws of the Bond films, minus the metal teeth – has been cast as a surrogate Bob-as-preacher. But the sermons themselves are nonsense, and have nothing whatsoever to do with the fiery furnace of Dylan’s religious universe.

Instead we get little homily-laden stories, folksily delivered by Shannon, of the sort you might hear at a Presbyterian service – maybe one in the early 20th century, when one bought two-by-fours from a sawmill (an anachronism that comes courtesy of Sante), and not at Home Depot. The messages: Love the poor; pity the alcoholic; beware of that greasy fast food. We hear not a word about the End Times in Pastor Shannon’s addresses to his unseen flock.

Since no scripture is actually cited in the sermons offered in the Trouble No More film, let me suggest a text for today. Matthew 7:13-14:  “Enter ye in at the strait gate; for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.”

This passage, from Matthew’s account of the Sermon on the Mount, is cited in both Williams’ “I Saw the Light” and in Dylan’s “When He Returns,” the last track on Slow Train Coming. Dylan would return to it, cryptically, in “Narrow Way,” a song from Tempest, his last album of original material, released in 2012.

During the three years he spent making Christian music, Dylan pursued the path of “the straight and narrow.” Yet he evidently found that road to be so narrow as to be confining, both spiritually and artistically, perhaps even a dead end. He released no new music in 1982, and by the time he re-emerged in 1983, he had begun to explore the tenets of the Jewish orthodox movement Chabad; in 1991, he famously appeared on the group’s telethon, performing “Hava Nagila” with Harry Dean Stanton and son-in-law Peter Himmelman.

As early as 1984, in a Rolling Stone interview with Kurt Loder (collected in the new revised edition of Jonathan Cott’s Bob Dylan: The Essential Interviews), Dylan denied had had ever been born again at all.

The producers of Trouble No More have taken a similarly narrow lane into the music of Dylan’s Christian period. In an attempt to rehabilitate the reputation of the music Dylan made at that time, which was rejected outright by many of his fans, the most troublesome doctrinal aspects of his work have been excised. Great effort has been taken to extinguish the fire and cool the brimstone of his evangelical message.

This strikes me as dishonest work, and I am not likely to return to it.

[sneakyhomunculous]

Last PT Report

Day 1: Wake up fresh; shower normally and then turn it freezing for the last 30 seconds. Shadowbox for 5 minutes. Stand on head against the wall for 3 minutes. 20 push-ups, get dressed and shuttle 0.4miles to site. Walking would be better, but it’s a bit cold and I don’t wanna worry about a jacket. Arrive at 8:55, pods go up minutes later. Arrive at the table to see Zvi and 6 others I don’t recognize. Zvi is two to my left. Open my pack Ayara, Edgewall Inkeeper, Slaying Fire, Fierced Witchstalker, and thankfully a Charmed Sleep. Slam the Charmed Sleep. I’m not going to let the way some early packs break determine my fate in the last PT ever. I’m passed clockwork servant and a bunch of mediocre cards like scorching dragonfire scalding cauldron maraleaf rider. Slam clockwork servant. Pick 3 there are no good cards, luckily I’m greeted with a Fabled Passage. Take it easily over middling things (I did briefly consider taking corridor monitor). 4th pick I am greeted with a gift from the gods. A 4th pick Opt!!! One note, at this point corridor monitor is the only blue card I’ve passed. This pack contains no blue cards besides Opt. Many people would panic thinking Blue is being cut. While the chance that is happening are not 0, they are not significantly more likely just because you haven’t seen blue cards in 2-3 picks. The packs easily could’ve just been light on blue cards. But what is certain? No one on my left has even seen a single blue card they can take. Pick 5 no blue cards. I take Jousing dummy over middling cards in other colors. Pick 6 a welcome sight. Corridor monitor! Slam it so fast as I wouldn’t want to give the players on my left a faulty signal. Pick 7 there is a mad ratter that I assume my fellow draft mates did not see in the pack. Pick 8 there are no blue cards but a wicked guardian will do. I already have servant and monitor, to go along with Opt and this mad ratter. Not sure how I’ll cast it but we’ll see I round out with another joustin dummy and that early corridor monitor tables!!!!! Pack 2 I crack open a pack without a blue card. Luckily there is an epic downfall that I may end up playing. Pick 2 I get passed a pack with the best common in the set, draw 3 sry 3. I take it quickly over reave soul and other irrelevant cards. 3rd pick Stolen By the MF Fae. Thanks Worth! 4th Pick Frogify over nothing. They aren’t going to give this draft to me easy. 5th pick No blue cards 😡 take Witch’s Vengeance I probably won’t play. 6th pick SO TINY; The second best common in the set with a run away together and didn’t say please in the pack too. Bad distribution tilt. 7th pick spinning wheel. I can’t wait until they fix these bots and we can get REAL practice in 8th pick Draw 3 scry 3 😂 this is when I knew I had 2-1 at least locked up. Around this pick I notice the player on my right (I’m on the edge so he’s directly across from me) has an opportunistic dragon sticking out of his pack C. So I call a judge and they have to replace the pack with no issues. I round out the pack with dregs. Pack 3 I open Folio of the fancies GG yo I get passed a pack so blank I almost cried but then I noticed a scaulding cauldron, whew. 3rd pick I face the decision of mystic sanctuary vs hate drafting, and sanctuary is completely busted so I take that. Pick 4 I am greeted with another 4th pick Opt!!!! 3 for 3 baby. 5th pick there is nothing great I take a searing barrage I hopefully won’t have to play. 6th pick I get passed a pack with didn’t say please! But there is also a Lochmere Serpent and a Drown in the Loch. I take the serpent 7th pick is blankish if I recall correctly and I got sad. 8th pick another mad ratter, I recall being happy/content. And saying to myself in my head... I think I shall play it all! I do end up playing everything! 4 swamps 1 mountain 1 Fabled Passage 1 Sanctuary 10 Island. My SB is pretty weak but I do have a couple searing barrages, a forever young and a few expensive fliers/jousting dummy type things I can bring. [Insert Picture of deck 1 here] (I’m trying but can’t figure out Tumblr maybe I’ll post all the pics at the end?)* Wouldn’t be a PT without a Round 1 Doozy I’m paired vs someone I don’t recognize. Apparently it is their first PT but I don’t know this at the time. They seem confident but reserved and ready for battle. We both keep 7 and I am on the play. My opponent plays a turn 1 witches Cottage. On turn 2 he plays a swamp and an order of the midnight. It immediately becomes So tiny. On turn 3 I do nothing. My opponent plays a mountain and a redcap raiders. I miss my land drop but put the raiders into a Charmed Sleep. On turn 4 my opponent plays swamp Lochtwain Paladin with Cheese. I untap and draw Fabled Passage. My hand is expensive cards like mad ratter Draw 3 Serpent and something else. I am about to fetch and then I realize his hand is facedown on the table but looking thicc. I just double check how many cards and he picks them up no problem and says 5. And it’s correct it is 5. However my brain says it should be 4. Turn 1 land. Turn 2 land 2 drop. Turn 3 land 3 drop. Turn 4 land 4 drop. This means he started with 7, drew up to 8. Played his land down to 7, and he didn’t miss any land drops so far. So turn 2 his card played should mean he is down to 6, then turn 3 down to 5, and now his Paladin down to 4. He has an extra card!! I count 5 times just to confirm, and sure enough he is 2 cards ahead of me. I call a judge and after a quick count and discussion it is confirmed he has one too many. He is extremely calm but also quiet during all of it. I didn’t get any vibe of him trying to be dishonest or hide anything. At the same time it’s incredibly sketchy of course. How and when did he get an extra card? He is on the draw so he’s already got extra cards, seems like he’d notice if he had 9 to start or something?? The ruling is that I get to Thoughtseize him basically and he has to shuffle what I pick back in his deck. I really hate this rule as its putting so much of the onus on me to always track my opponents hand so vigilantly. If I would’ve noticed he drew 9 to start, it would be hugely beneficial for me to Thoughtseize him. But now I Thoughtseize him and see 5 spells as I’m already behind on the board and want to throw up. Did he just draw 2 cards at once on turn 4 because he needed a land? I’ll never know. But his hand is completely fucking stacked and I can’t find myself ever beating it. He has another lochtwain paladin, Murderous rider, another order of midnight, lash of thorns, and a festive funeral. I take the murderous rider but miss a land again and by the time I can play serpent I am forced to block into his Lash and have no outs so I just concede without showing him. Game 2 I don’t remember a ton of, but I know he plays multiple rimrock knights and order of midnights and I am so close to dying so many times. I had spinning wheel and he made a few small errors, and it let me survive at one life but needing to topdeck a cheap creature/play to survive at all. I peeled a Charmed Sleep and it left me actually in control with mana left over to tap his one other attacker. Well, as in control as you can be with 1 life. Shortly after I find a draw 3 and turn the game around over 2-3 turns before he can find a way to deal me 1 damage. Unfortunately the time is about out in the round and we only have a 7 minute extension. I slam in the 2/1 bloodcrazed wolfthorn guys and both searing barrage hoping to have time to finish game 3. Instead I am on the backfoot and in serious danger of dying. T2 order. T3 rimrock it and play rimrock. T4 rimrock it and play rimrock. I am all the way down to 4 before I have any chance at stabilizing. I play in the only way I think will give me any chance to survive and it involves letting him untap with me at 4 life and him having a Brimstone Trebuchet in play, knowing he has at least two cheap knights he has returned with order of midnight/forever young combo. He did only have 5 mana so I wasn’t that scared (I had witch’s vengeance for walls ready on my next turn). But the prospect of surviving at 1 still seemed grim at the time. Oh yeah somewhere in there he played a murderous rider and pumped it with rimrock knights so he was at 30 and me at 1. I never felt safe until around a minute before time was about to be up. Unfortunately my opponent was still at 30. The judge called time right as I passed so I got turn 1. On my Opp turn 2 I flashed in serpent and untapped and sacrificed two swamps but could only find more lands. I made it unblockable and attacked with it and all 4 of my stolen by the Fae tokens and 8 of my mad ratter tokens leaving back a few more to make sure I wouldn’t die to the swing back from my now 3 life. My opponent took 17 down to 9 so they must have been at 26 at the time. On turn 4 I had a small sweat as I left myself dead to barge in (hadn’t seen one, did pass multiple in draft though) as I really wanted the win and not the draw. Luckily my opp not only didn’t even attack, but they played out their entire hand and were clearly dead on board by 2 points more than lethal. Win on turn 5. Wild start. The rest of the day was a lot smoother. R2 vs ZVI Mono G Zvi Mulligans on the play g1 but leads t1 Goose. I have so tiny and Charmed Sleep draw 3 and bunch of lands so I ignore goose. He plays a wildwood tracker at some point I so tiny and I Charmed Sleep a Fierced Witchstalker. He is hitting me for 1 with gingerbrute when I cast draw 3. Then I cast another. Then I play serpent and folio etc and I’m still above 10 life and he dies in short order. In g2 I get sloppy and lose a game I have no business losing. I turn 3 clockwork servant turn 4 Wicked guardian draw a card, but this was just a mistake. I did this knowing I would take 5 damage this turn but I had no business taking it as I already had everything I needed to win this game. I needed to preserve my life total. On turn 5 I do start preserving life, but when I flash in serpent on turn 6 to block Zvi has Insatiable appetite on his gingerbrute that has counter from weapon rack to kill me from 7. G3 is a lot smoother as I so tiny a gingerbrute, and at some point am up so many cards I decide to use a searing barrage on the untapped gingerbrute with so tiny on it (only 3 cards in Zvi yard) just so I don’t have to worry about losing to double insatiable appetite when I tap out for stolen by the Fae and or serpent. R3 vs GW I play vs the person feeding me and my heart drops. I assume he is blue and will have many secret keepers and didn’t say pleases and I know I am screwed because I have 0 counterspells. Instead he leads forest curious pair food turn 2 the 1/3. Then he misses land drops and eventually beanstalk giants up to 4-5 mana but just plays some medium GW creatures. I win without much resistance and G2 goes about the same. 3-0 and now it’s break time. I immediately start running to subway as I want to beat the crowd on our short lunch break. Unfortunately as I open the door I am greeted by a 50+ deep line. I turned around and dive into the fried chicken place. 30 person line and 1 lady working. GG yo. I am feeling good despite not having any lunch options. At some point in the beginning of the constructed rounds Allen Wu shares his protein cookie with me, and I think that was just enough to save me from crashing too early. R4 JetSki Fires I don’t recognize my opponent but I Open his list and see a Sam Roflo Specialeee. 4 Bonecrusher 1 Shimmer 1 Fae 1 Realm Clock 4 clarion 8 cavalier stock fires. I have a t2 Oko on the play, but otherwise my hand is Shite. Joe Demestrio is birding and brings up my line after the game saying he would have done things differently. That is why Wallace was on the rail and I was in the streets. The point was that my opponent played a turn 2 shimmer. On my turn 3 I made my food an elk and attacked for 3 missing a land drop and said go without playing paradise Druid. The reason being that if my opp has clarion you always want to have a food back to start attacking immediately. This way I could make food with goose in response to clarion untap make it a 3/3 and play Druid. Instead my opponent did nothing, and I passed turn 4 with a lethal attack if I untapped (9 damage from elks and 2 from Druid I just played with opp at 11). But They play 4th land and say go? I am worried about going for it as if they have bonecrusher giant for my Druid and then untap and realm cloaked giant I will have an Oko no food and 2 lands with no plays. But I don’t see any real other options. If I don’t make My 3rd elk and attack with everything I still will die to the realm cloaked. My opponent just concedes when I right click attack all. I sort of forgot what Joe even wanted me to do. Maybe it was not playing Druid T3 he didn’t like, or maybe it was when I turned my goose into an elk the following turn. But that was mandatory as it left me a food back Incase my opp had the t4 clarion or fires/clarion, and left me with a lethal attack if they did not. G2 I play a T3 nissa untap Breeding Pool attack, my opponent plays 4th fires and I Aether Gust it and untap and krasis for 6 or something. I won that one. R5 Jack Kiefer on JetSki Fires. His list was notably a bit cleaner and played less bad cards (except he had a bunch of shimmers I guess, that does qualify as a bad card) This match was really good, but just showcased how good the food deck is. He beat me g1 with no real sweat as I couldn’t pressure him nearly fast enough. G2 and 3 details are blurry to me but I know a surprise brontodon really threw him off in one of the games. He cast fires into drawn from dreams turn 4 and when I untapped and played and brontodonned his fires he seemed frustrated. I don’t know if he could have taken different cards with drawn but his next couple of turns were not good enough and I won. Oh I remember now. I absolutely ravaged him with a casualties of war in the other game killing his 5th land and only white source, his fires, his sorcerous spyglass and his cavalier. 5-0 R6- Oscar Christensen Mirror Oscar had a good list with 2 Casualties and I was a bit worried going into this match as I hadn’t practiced much at all with my deck and I felt he was probably well prepared for these mirrors. That proved to be true as he seemed to play very well in all the games. I think I just ran away with one game on the play, and the other game I won was solely bc I jockeyed myself into a position where he was forced to make plays to keep parity and left himself tapped out and dead to my 1 SB casualties. That 1 card I put in my sideboard at the last possible second after discussing how much I hate duress with Collin is certainly the only reason I made this run. It singlehandedly won me 4 matches. 6-0 R7- Craig Krempels Mirror Craig has a Karn’s bastion in his deck! I immediately screamed judge to get an Oracle as I had no idea what that was. But the rest looked pretty normal. I don’t know Craig well but I knew he was old school and at least a good to great player. I was in the zone this round and I think I got extremely lucky in a few ways. First was the seating arrangement. By the 2nd game a huge crowd was forming and I could sense them around me, but couldn’t really see any of them. He had them over his shoulder but also could see all of the people behind me up close and looking on. He made a few glaring strategical errors (Multiple times in Nissa fights he attacked with a land which let me kill his nissa for free where otherwise I would’ve had to overextend/throw things away to get to it), but he also just literally forgot to activate his planeswalker one turn and also forgot to play a land in another. He ran away with game 1 with a t2 Oko followed by an early Nissa, capped off with a Karn’s Bastion threatening to activate no less! In game 2 we have a bit of a back and forth affair but I am starting to fall behind. I am not giving up hope as on turn 5 I draw the black source I need for Liliana on the following turn. My board is two wicked wolves and a food, and I have 4 forests and a watery grave after playing land this turn. My hand is Liliana and my freshly drawn overgrown tomb. Howver Craig has just deployed Nissa to go along with his Oko on 10 counters, and his own goose and wolf. On his turn he makes an attack after I had attacked his walkers with my wolves. His only blockers now are the lands and one goose but his Oko has so much loyalty and nissa is now at 4 because I hit it with a wolf last turn. Fortunately he says go without even using his Oko. I untap ready to slam Liliana and hope I can fade krasis for a couple turns and claw back from a dangerous life total (I was at under 10 but don’t recall exactly). Instead I draw my 1 casualties 🏆 I kill both his creature lands and his Oko which leaves his nissa at 4 loyalty and him only having a goose to chump. But I have two wolves and a food so he can’t save nissa and chooses to not block with goose. He’s down to 3 lands goose and I end up winning easily with Liliana a few turns later. Game 3 is another back and forth affair but this time I wrestle control in the middle turns and also have my casualties ready. He is fighting back and has a vraska in play for a couple of turns, but I manage a krasis for 3 which will threaten to kill it as its at 1 going up to 3. He does remember to use it and has a goose he can use to jump in front and protect it for one turn. But I have nissa and casualties ready this turn and when I untap I know it’s over. I start by attacking Vraska with Krasis. He blocks with Goose and Bins it. I ask how many cards he has as they are on the table and he spreads them out slowly and it’s 4. As this is happening someone behind me on the huge rail screams Judgeeeeeee. My eyebrows raise and I immediately realize he left his Vraska at 3 but it should have gone to 2 from Krasis Trampling over his Goose. So I tell him this. Craig looks incredulous. I said yeah u chumped with goose it should be at 2. He says well trample is your ability. You have to remember your own abilities. So I said wait what? Did you think maybe I just wanted to go ahead and assign all 3 damage to the goose this time?? Really fuck that goose up good huh??? He kind of shrugged and said something back but I said let’s just call the judge. Lengthy call but I just lead with exactly what happened. I tell them that the person behind me screamed judge after a few seconds and that is what prompted me to scan the board and realize he didn’t tick his vraska down. It’s been 5-10 seconds since binning goose and all I have done was ask how many cards he has. I acknowledge that it wasn’t even on my radar until someone screamed judge (bc I was so happy and knew I was going to win. Also probably bc I suck and can’t seem to remember what my own cards do) They basically rule that trample does not have a default rule, so it’s on me to assign it. And also that someone behind me saying judge seems to have prompted me to realize I missed it. So the vraska stays at 3 I think this rule is kind of BS in the first place. Trample should be automatic default lethal + rest at you. (That’s how it works on Modo and Arena no?) But also barely any time has passed and no actions have been taken here, so I snap back and ask “What if I would’ve just called you over and told the exact same story, but left out the part about someone behind me screaming out judge?” You would rule differently right? “I cannot answer that hypothetical at this time” Ok well when can you?? “After the match” Ok thanks. “You can appeal if you are not comfortable” No it’s all good. Nissa float Gb with overgrown tomb untap casualties your entire board except vraska and a useless wolf go. The crowd goes wild!!!! “Olldddd Schooooooollllll” rings heard throughout the hall. He died the next turn or so. I bring it back up with Craig and I just let him know it’s not 1999 anymore. It’s actually the future now, 20 years later. And almost everyone in the room would just tick their own Vraska down to 2. He didn’t agree with that, but I have faith in the new guard. 7-0 R8 Eli Kassis on GB Adventures I was starting to fade hard at this point. The lights also got to me a bit. Its extremely bright up there and I was actually having trouble even reading what lands/cards he was playing. Game 1 I was feeling the head spin from not eating and having such a long day. I managed to keep it together and I am proud of myself for recognizing what I should be doing in this game. I had a wolf and 2 goose and on turn 4-5 I untapped and could slam nissa, but he had left 3 mana open and had some cards still. And I identified massacre girl as a massive blowout if I didn’t get my food count up ASAP. On top of that Nissa was so likely to just die to Murderous Rider or Grasp as he’s not doing much proactive stuff and I haven’t given him a great window to use either of those cards either. The issue is mostly that I didn’t practice so I haven’t played this matchup. But I totally blanked on Liliana for a few turns. The passive plays I was making left me completely fucked if he had one removal spell (kill a goose) into Liliana make me sac two. I still think I made all the correct plays, but after a few turns of skipping my plays to make food with geese to play around massacre girl and abyss him with my wolf, I realized how big of a threat Liliana was and finished the game off while playing around that as well. I win and he drops his hands of all lands. He played well but literally drew all lands so any plays I made throughout the game probably would have been good enough to win. G2 and G3 I think I play quite poorly. I don’t remember specifics but every time I made a play I felt like I was guessing and second guessing and I would just tell myself to make a play u are thinking but actually not getting anywhere. Go ahead, guess you monkey!!! No amount of thinking can save you. And then I’d just listen to The Oko Devil on my shoulder and make a random play. It all culminated in me scooping when I wasn’t dead. (I was dead as shit, but not technically dead. He had 2 cards and a castle, and any 1/1 or removal spell in the top 4 cards would kill me immediately) but I never would have scooped if I knew wasn’t dead immediately. You see the problem was Lovestruck Beast. Eli had 2 of them, a massacre girl, and a 1/1 human. I had a wolf that could kill the human and now help double block Massacre girl. The bigger problem? I played the entire match as if Lovestruck Beast was just a 5/5 for 3. Totally forgot it can’t attack without a 1/1. There is no excuse as I had the card multiple times in draft, but after a long day it just totally slipped my mind. 7-1 [Happy] One other note. Open decklists. I think this is a massive reason for my success at this tournament. I don’t have much time to practice these days, and there are so many damn formats and they are always changing! Magic is already so hard, but when you don’t have the practice + confidence in what your opponent will have in their list + confidence in your ability to remember and understand all of the possibilities/interactions/situations in the entire format it makes each game so much harder to form your long term strategical plan, which in turn makes all of your tactical ideas harder to execute as well. Knowing exactly what I am working with and against every round makes me 10x as comfortable/dangerous. I know it goes both ways, but I feel like most players at the top level have a huge edge on me without open decklists. I struggle to play around cards/piece together what they might have until it’s too late so often. Mostly because I’m bad at it and scattered, but also because of the lack of reps. I can never remember what set a card was from or how long ago a standard was or all the decks from the old formats etc. I actualy can barely ever tell you what sets are in standard and which cards are in which set! And that’s when I’m actively playing. So yeah. Shoutout to Open decklists. I’m sure many people hate them, but I strongly prefer them. I’m always going to bring caw blade anyway; GG yo. Day 2 & Day 3 Coming soon!

[wildlyhardphilosopher-blog]

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291 If for whatever reason your pup is one of those who hates the cold weather, try some of Bracciante’s tips on how to house-training a puppy during the winter. Humane Education Fund Of course, not everything’s covered there! So some things that may apply… Rubies Financial Assistance How to Potty Train Your Puppy Save an extra $5.00 at checkout Training together makes life easier. On petco.com we’ll match the online advertised price for these key competitors: chewy.com, petsmart.com, wag.com, walmart.com, target.com, amazon.com, and jet.com. 3. Clicker or other distinct sound to mark good behavior Digital Replica Edition Puppy parents should plan to offer special treats to a puppy when they go on their pee pad or when they go in the right spot outside. Flea and Tick Prevention for Dogs and Cats Betta Fish Tanks Puppy Development & Socialization You should also consider the Isle of Dogs Tearless Puppy Shampoo , the Adams Plus Flea & Tick Shampoo , the 4-Legger Certified Organic Dog Shampoo , the SynergyLabs Veterinary Formula Triple Strength Dirty Dog Concentrated Shampoo , and the Vet’s Best Hypo-Allergenic Dog Shampoo . Laurie L. Jarvis Animal Surrender & Re-Homing DOWNLOAD: ANDROID | IOS July 25, 2018, 5:07 pm Start immediately to teach your pup to keep all four feet on the ground. Start this immediately when the new pup comes home. With the young pup, do not encourage him to stretch up to greet you, instead, crouch down to his level, assist him in sitting, and then greet him. Most pups enjoy this annoying habit of jumping on people to greet them. Whenever the pup jumps on you, simply grasp both front paws securely, holding them up long enough for it to become uncomfortable in the standing position Then put the pup down gently, When the pup experiences this response consistently, he will avoid jumping up to greet you. The only way your puppy will ever learn is if there is a clear and consistent connection between your puppy’s actions and your reaction. Litter Pans One of the best ways to curb instincts in your dog is to instill impulse control. Professor Donaldson teaches you how to teach dogs to cool their jets with sit-stay, down-stay, leave it, wait, and loose leash walking. She’ll also cover the three most important parameters in down-stay and sit-stay: distraction, distance, and duration. x goDog Specialty Classes I thought I was pretty knowledgeable about dog behavior. I was surprised at how much I didn’t know.Marc broke down the training into manageable pieces and we were making significant progress in a short period of time. How to Adopt Treeing Walker Coonhound The most important thing you can do is become your puppy’s pack leader. This role doesn’t begin when your dog is six months old or when he’s bad; it should be maintained throughout the entire dog training experience. For your new puppy to grow into a healthy, balanced dog, you must demonstrate leadership from day one! Skip links We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. This is a very important step to the development and health of your dog. We offer two different socialization opportunities: Behavior What is the best time to crate train? Crate training begins as soon as you get your puppy home or when you can’t or won’t be able to keep an eye on them. At the beginning, reward your puppy for going inside, while not closing the door. After a while, close the door and praise the puppy inside for just a few minutes. If you do this regularly, your puppy will choose it on its own. Look here for inspiration on how to crate train your puppy the best way. Proponents of limiting drilling in Colorado say contractor wrongfully took at least 15,000 petition signatures Our Books Basics of Dog Training Business Insider Intelligence Exclusive On Artificial Intelligence Sport Training (60) Español Customers Who Bought This Course Also Bought 1:1 Not Helpful 16 Helpful 65 Professionals Need Junglee.com After gnawing on his chew toys my store Indoor Potty Training Collie This is vital to housetraining success. Puppies have tiny bladders, and water just runs right through them. The same holds true for solid matter. Goes in. Goes out. You have to make sure you are giving your puppy ample opportunity to do the right thing. Be patient and consistent and avoid punishment. Punishing your dog after an accident will not teach him anything, except that you are to be feared. If an accident happens, move on and try to take your puppy out more frequently. Store Prescription Diet® Dog Food You’re helping people by reading wikiHow Boredom Paperback: 66 pages Not Helpful 22 Helpful 100 Physical activity often leads to a puppy needing to potty very soon after. So to encourage predictable potty times for your puppy, you want to schedule their exercise and play. A single mistake in the home can cause a major setback. DumpsterFire Quarto Publishing (3) July 19, 2017 1:04 am To train this, get your dog into a sit then you can coax him to the down position by moving your hand with a treat, toward the ground. He will follow your hand and will get into the down position. Shiba Inu Extending The Time Between Toilet Breaks Put your dog on a feeding schedule. Feed your dog at the same time in the morning and at night, then wait 20 to 30 minutes before taking him outside. Having a feeding schedule will make it easier to predict when your dog will have to go to the bathroom, making house training easier. At time of scheduled drop-off you will spend approximately one hour in review with one the brothers.  When you return at your scheduled time, you will spend a minimum of two hours in review and hands-on training with Brother Christopher. If you are gone longer than your dog is physically able to control his elimination, you may need to use training aids. Havanese – A Complete Guide to the Cuban Pint-Sized Pup Reward Puppy For A Job Well Done About Author Michele Welton Supervise your dog during house training. When you first bring your dog or puppy home, plan to spend a lot of time watching your pet to make sure he doesn’t go to the bathroom indoors. This supervisory period is imperative because it enables you to teach the dog to quickly associate the urge to pee or poop with going outside. Intercepting the dog or puppy before he goes in the house is the best way to house train quickly.[5] Jump up ^ Wogan, Lisa (November 2010). “The Mirror Method”. The Bark. Retrieved 3 December 2012. Advantage By Meredith Allen. May 04 | See Comments Every puppy presents different challenges, but there are common instincts that will facilitate the house training process. This article will detail a training program with techniques that will house train your puppy as soon as possible and foster a trusting and loving relationship between you and your pup. Dog Symptoms A-Z 5.1 – Click for voluntary (or accidental) movements toward your goal. You may coax or lure the animal into a movement or position, but don’t push, pull, or hold it. Let the animal discover how to do the behavior on its own. If you need a leash for safety’s sake, put the handle over your wrist or tie it to your belt. – When your animal has learned to do something for clicks, it will begin showing you the behavior spontaneously, trying to get you to click. Now is the time to begin offering a cue, such as a word or a hand signal. Start clicking for that behavior if it happens during or after the cue. Start ignoring that behavior when the cue wasn’t given. Quick read with lots of helpful information. I would recommend whether its your first time or even if you have had previous experience puppy training. Why is Crate Training Your Puppy Beneficial? If they do, you can pick them up and carry them, or take them by the collar and gently lead them to their bathroom spot, then encourage them to finish where they should. 3. Keep a positive attitude 10 Easy to Make DIY Dog Toys

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