#tumblr is the only social media i still vaguely enjoy lol i should try socializing here more often

[wayfinder]

it's been years since i last made a true, "hi i'm talking" post on this blog but. hi! my dash is a little more active than it used to be! hope you're all doing well 💙

[smediumsmeatbae]

Heads or Tails?

PAIRING: Steve Roger X Avengers!Reader SUMMARY: The Super Soldier and you are on a goodwill mission for the Avengers. When you get to the hotel, there is only one bed in the room. What will happen next?! WORDS: ~1300 WARNINGS: drunk decisions, Steve and Reader being idiots.That’s it, I think? Soft Steve is the focus of this fic because I’ve been really feeling Soft Stevie lately.   A/N:  So, I have to admit that the “only one bed” trope is probably my favorite and I couldn't wait to write something for it, especially with Steve in mind. He just seems like he would have the most deliciously awkward reaction of all of Chris’s characters. This is also very loosely proofread so any mistakes are my own.  This is an admission for the #shamelesshoesforchris challenge hosted by @navybrat817 and @stargazingfangirl18. The prompts that I used for this is: there was only one bed with the dialogue “You’re such a sore loser.” Hope you guys enjoy! You do not have my permission to post this anywhere outside of tumblr or as your own work. Likes are SO appreciated. Comments and reblogs make my week. Tags will be in a reblog since Tumblr sucks. lol. 

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"I know there should be two queen beds." Steve declared, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked at the single king in their hotel room. 

You sighed heavily, arms folded around your stomach. Why did he have to make a federal case out of this? Did he really have to make this more awkward?  

"Steve, it's fine. We can just…" You started. "I'm sleeping on the couch."  "What? First, It's a loveseat. I would barely fit on there, let alone you. Second, don't be ridiculous, there's plenty of room. That mattress is giant."

Steve and you were in a predicament. You two had been sent on assignment by Tony on a goodwill mission to London. After the past few years with the Battle of New York and Ultron, the Avengers were in desperate need of some good PR. Pepper and Tony worked together to formulate a plan. They decided on a tour: 10 cities in 30 days, London being the first stop. All they needed were two agents who could represent the team in a good light. Who better to represent the team than the Star Spangled Man with a Plan and you? While you were one of the newest members of the team, you were quickly gaining a strong social media following among fans who loved your self-deprecating humor, your Tik Tok dance videos, and how you took surprise selfies with the Avengers. You showed a different side to them, a softer side. Like the fact that Bucky could actually laugh and that Natasha loved to bake brownies. (That one had been very difficult to get.) 

Steve let out a little bit of a huff, which made you roll your eyes. 'Always so dramatic' you thought. He had been like this ever since you two had shared a kiss on the balcony of one of Tony's parties at the compound. Well, to be honest, you kissed him. That was thanks to a few too many shots courtesy of Nat and your crush on him did everything to fan the flame. From the look that he gave you after you parted, you thought the super soldier was going to spontaneously combust. After that, you had been too embarrassed to go and speak to him and he seemed to be in the same mindset as well when he avoided your eyes too. So when Tony had informed you two that you were going to be the “Face of the Avengers”. On tour. Together. For 30 days. You swore that your soul left your body.  

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” He shifted from one foot to the other, being the perfect specimen of discomfort.  “Who’s uncomfortable?” You shot an eyebrow up at him which made him roll his eyes at you. 

A few minutes passed before either of you said anything, the obvious tension in the room palpable.  You heaved a sigh, throwing your head back and uncrossed your arms. You went over to your purse and dug through your wallet until you found what you were looking for. Coming back over beside Steve, you gave him a smirk and held out your hand, revealing a quarter. 

“Since neither one of us will bend on a solution, I suggest a good ole fashioned coin toss. That should be right up your alley, Captain.” You teased.  “Ha ha.” He pursed his lips. “Okay, what are the rules of the coin toss?”  “If you win, you get to sleep wherever you want: love seat, floor... tub if you want.” You explained. “But if I win, you’re in the bed with me.” 

Steve’s cheeks had a slight pink hue to them. He sighed and nodded at your proposal. What else could he do? You took the coin and flipped it in the air, grabbed it, and slapped it on your hand, covered with your other hand. 

“Call it, Rogers.” you instructed.  “Heads.” 

You lifted up your hand and showed him: tails. 

“Well I guess you’re sleeping with me, Captain.” You teased him.  “Best two out of three?”  He asked, a pout beginning to form.

“You’re such a sore loser!” You laughed, amused as his pouty face. “Is it really so terrible being in the same bed as me?” 

“No, of course not.” He stated. “It’s just… No. Never mind.”

Suddenly, you could see the crimson on his face and how unease he looked. Maybe he truly did shudder at the thought of sharing a bed with you. For what reason, you couldn’t guess, but you needed to find out why. Dropping your teasing tone, you looked at your friend and wanted to find out what was going on.

“Could you tell me… Please?” you asked, gently.

He shuffled for a second, seeming to mull over if he was going to say anything. Finally, he looked up at you, hands placed on his hips. A slightly embarrassed look on his face. 

“Remember the night you kissed me?” Shit, this is what he’s thinking about. You thought and you could feel heat painting your cheeks as well as you lowered your head. Steve continued. “I never got to tell you… I’d been wanting to kiss you for a long time.”

Your head snapped up, eyes going wide. Steve wanted to do what? He had never given any kind of indication that he had any feelings toward you. You remembered, vaguely, of a laughing Nat and Wanda grabbing you from him right after the kiss. They were demanding more shots from you. It was all kind of a blur. 

“The next day, I wanted to give you some space, give you time to see how you felt.” Steve moved towards you as he continued talking. “But you avoided me after that and I took that as a sign that you were embarrassed and didn’t want anything to do with me.” 

You couldn’t believe his suggestion. He thought you wouldn’t be into him? Steve, a man with a body of a Greek god, who had an ass you could bounce change off of, and arms as big as tree trunks. Even all of that, it also wasn't just about his body. You were attracted to him, yes. Anyone that had eyes could see how attractive he was. But Steve was so much more than that. He was compassionate and  bold; he believed in his convictions. He was also tender and kind. Sweet and funny with a subtle but quick sense of humor. When someone looked into his eyes, they saw the truth because all he could be was truthful. And he thought, truly, that there wasn’t a way that you could want such a beautiful man? In a lot of ways, he was still very much that skinny boy from Brooklyn who used to get beat up in back alleys.   

“Steve, that couldn't be further from the truth.” You spoke out softly, finally answering him. “I thought… well it doesn’t matter what I thought. It sounds like we just had mixed signals.”  “So… you do want to kiss me. Sober?” You couldn't help but notice the small glint in his eyes as a smile curled on his lips.  “Yeah, smart ass. I do want to kiss you. Very much.” You grinned as you walked towards him, closing the gap. 

Steve wrapped his arms around your waist and leaned down as you stood up on your tiptoes to meet him, hands moving up his chest and lacing around his neck. Your lips touched, gently at first. As if you were trying to search out each other. Then, Steve squeezed your hip and opened his mouth, deepening the kiss. A moan escaped you as you leaned into Steve, pressing your body to his. 

“Let’s go to bed.” He whispered huskily into your ear as his hands traveled up your back. “Yes, Captain.” You smiled. 

[hopeswriting]

Modern AU (Adult!)Arcobaleno on socials media though. While Flames and mafia are definitely still a thing.

Now I’m by no means well acquainted to all the different popular socials media, but here’s my humble take:

Reborn on Instagram.

He only has pictures of Leon first and foremost, with him in the background in one of his ridiculous but very well-made cosplay. Leon of course also wears the same cosplay as him.

He never shows his full face in any of the pictures, but just enough his followers know he’s handsome as fuck.

The artists/photoshoppers among them regularly put the pieces together to see how he could look like, but in a funny-and-obviously-purposefully-wrong way only.

Reborn loves them and saves them all.

------

Once in a blue moon he does post a picture of himself where you can see him clearly all dressed up and fancy, and then immediately deletes it.

But only after he’s sure it has been seen, so he can watch his followers lose their shit while drinking a nice espresso.

They try hard, but so far none of them managed to save any of the pictures before he deletes them.

------

Often there’s what suspiciously looks like blood stains on their clothes and straight up dead bodies lying in the background, but Reborn went so passive-aggressive with the few who dared to ask, everyone is too afraid to ask now.

Anyone who badmouths Leon in any way is instantly blocked. But only after Reborn ripped them a new one AND let his followers do it too.

*

Skull on Twitter and Snapchat.

He tweets the most random, out of nowhere, highly worrying things, that always sent his followers in a frenzy trying to figure out why the fuck he would think of any of this in the first place??

“aren’t you ever tried of your solid, rigid, restrictive bones? don’t you want to just be Luffy from One Piece, a rubber being that can shape themself in whatever way they wish?”

or:

“nobody ever tells you this, but the stress of picking apart melted leather from your burnt skin before it heals is VERY worth the adrenaline of making fire your BITCH”

or:

“is it REALLY illegal if you break in and eat the food but leave money behind??”

------

That’s just his Twitter only followers though.

The ones on Snapchat have the privilege to watch him stumble head first step by step to his tweets, and are actually very involved and active spectators that keep him out of jail, or killing himself, or killing someone else.

Skull, recording a video, halfway stuck in between two buildings: What’s up guys, there're these guys following me and trying to kill me, quick tell me what bones to break so I can fit in there.

see also:

Skull, riding his bike, both of them suspiciously wet, holding a lighter in his hand: You guys ready for this sick fire stunt I came up with?? If everything goes well I should only get second to third degree burns, let’s do this!!!

see also:

A picture of Skull lying on a roof, his arms full of snacks and his mouth stuffed with food, with police cars in the background, that says: send tips to make sure there’s always food in your fridge for when you need it the most. #midnightsnack #snitchesgetstitches #justsaying

see also:

A picture of Skull crouched in front of a body, posing, that says: don’t worry guys we’re just faking, but hypothetically, if you were to hide a body as quick as possible from here without being seen, what would you do? #hypotheticallyseriousanswersonly #hypotheticallythecopsaremaybeontheirway #quickanswersappreciated

*

Verde on Facebook.

He creates a public group with only him as member that’s basically his scientific diary.

It’s not really to invite intellectual challenging debates (though he’d be all for it if someone smart enough showed up), but he figures it’s in his best interest to make the world a less dumb place if he can.

It finds his public, though there’s only a few comments because god forbid you say something dumb or inaccurate and Verde fucking annihilates you in the comment section.

But like, in a teacher way. Like he’s genuinely trying to make you know better but he’s just ruthless at it lmao.

Verde uses a fake name and a fake everything so there’s quickly a running joke along the lines of “Imagine if it’s really the genius scientist Verde running the group and you just outed yourself as a flat earther lol”.

------

But what gets the group really popular is the in depth flames theory involving weather of all things they have to assume he came up with it all on his own because they can’t figure out to save their lives what the hell he’s talking about?

And it makes them question their sanity sometimes because Verde talks about it like it’s the most obvious thing and in the context of just about every basic aspects of life.

Cue the conspirators and their hot new take of “the aliens were among us all along and hid themselves as the WEATHER!!!” that instantly turns into the new popular meme.

That, and the transcripts posts of Verde trying his theories that nine out of ten apparently involves very unwilling participants whose life are threatened and sometimes they straight up DIE???

------

They think both of these is just him fucking with them and it’s all fictional. They want to think it is anyway.

They’re not so sure, but everyone is too afraid to ask.

*

Colonnello on Snapchat.

70% of his content is about Lal because this man is so in love and it’s like he’s a guest on his own account lol.

There’s the “Pining Hard” content where it’s just him trying to seduce Lal, to romance her and asking her out, and Lal brushing all of it off more often than not.

His followers are very invested in this “old bickering married couple type of best friends in oblivious mutual pining” real live action slow burn fic, and cheers him hard whenever Lal reciprocates the tiniest bit.

------

They don’t know the two are already together.

They think Lal brushing him off or flirting back but in an unmistakably joking/”platonic” way is just her being oblivious and not taking Colonnello seriously.

When she would just rather flirt back off camera because it’s her private life thank you very much.

Colonnello never tells them because he assumes they all know and just choose to be in on the joke.

Lal finds it hilarious whenever she goes through his Snapchat (with his permission of course) to find numerous messages of encouragement, so she never says either.

------

But one day she kind of just steals a kiss from him while he’s recording because she wanted to, and his followers lose their shit.

Lal laughs herself to tears and laughs for days.

------

The other Lal’s related content is the “Lal’s loving hours”, where he just takes pictures of her/records her doing random shit---whether it's her making a disaster out of the kitchen, or wearing three pairs of socks because her feet are cold, or beating the shit out of someone---and him doing heart eyes at the camera.

------

Otherwise it’s just him living his life and letting them in on what happens.

There’s a lot of pictures because he’s handsome and he knows it and he likes the compliments aqsdfghj.

Or videos of him going on and on about how energy drinks are really the best drink ever while doing grocery.

Or ranting videos about how bullets wounds are such a pain to deal with and showing himself patching himself up to show how it’s done (thanks??!!??).

Or him watching series and roasting the characters for their dumb decisions.

Or him commenting in real time an assassination attempt on him in the middle of the night in his own fucking home because the fucker sure is ballsy (????!!!!!!???).

It’s very popular too because of how relatable it is.

Well, most of the time anyway.

*

Viper on Youtube.

They have a DIY type of channel, mostly about fashion---what they think about the new products/clothes they bought from their favorite brand, their thoughts on the new fashion trend, their makeup/skin care routine and favorite outfits for various circumstances, or they’re often on live while going shopping.

(I just really like Fashionista!Viper okay.)

They play videos games too, thinking they’re being very good while being very average to not say they straight up suck asdfghj.

Occasionally do reaction videos too.

------

Like Reborn they hardly ever show their face. Actually they don’t show it at all lol. They wear masks to do their videos because a hood is not very reliable.

How do they do their makeup videos then you ask?

They use "volunteer" as models of course.

And by volunteers I mean the Varia qsdftgyhjkl.

------

They also have another very peculiar brand of videos that is the most popular one on their channel. The titles of these videos include but are not limited to:

“A Due Payment Of Yours Is Late? How To Hunt Them For Sport”

“A Little Bitch Doesn’t Respect Your Pronouns/Chosen Name? Step By Step On How To Make Them Shut The Fuck Up Forever”

“How To Efficiently Remove Blood And Various Others Human Residue From Your Clothes”

“Faking Your Death And Taking On A New Identity: Step By Step Tutorial”

“How To Take Over Your Friends Brains And Watch Them Prank Themselves ft. The Varia”

*

Fon on Tumblr.

His blog becomes known as a shitpost blog or a blog run by a bot when really, everything he posts is about actual, very real events that happened in his life.

Except he vague posts every time because he really wants to keep his anonymity.

He posts about the hardships of learning more and more martial arts and staying at the top of the art, and sounds like some dangerous psychopath.

“The body is such a fragile thing, isn’t it? It tends to break quite easily unfortunately. You’d think I’d know that by then, but I really need to remember it more often so I can keep enjoying myself.”

He’s talking about how he always pushes himself too much in training and ends up injuring himself.

“Everyday I dispose of them and reasserts my superiority, and everyday they come back and it’s really hard to not hurt them beyond repair.”

He’s talking about how he’s often challenged by other martial artists who don’t like him being the best and how he always has to beat them up bloody for them to give up.

He also posts about his family's live except it’s the Hibari’s family live, and he doesn’t sound more sane of mind at all.

“I made the mistake of taking Kyo with me on my grocery trip and picked on his tell-tale signs of going through a bad day too late.

But fortunately the shop is still standing and no one was heavily injured.”

or:

“It’s so heartwarming to see Kyo make friends. The brown haired kid didn’t put much of a fight but the one with the pineapple haircut has potential.

He almost managed to stab him that one time, and I can’t wait to tease Kyo about it. He’s very cute when annoyed and embarrassed.”

or:

“Often I look back to the day Kyo got his tonfa and I am always infinitely grateful for this not-so-easy-to-kill-with weapon.

I would like for him to at least finish high school first.”

Yeah it’s very often about Kyoya lmao. And no one knows for sure what in the world a “Kyo” is supposed to be???

An actual human being is NOT the most popular theory qsdfghn.

*

Lal on TikTok.

I guess?? I’m kind of running out of ideas lol, and I know very little about TikTok.

But I’m thinking she makes a series of videos where she looks straight into the camera like she’s on The Office while some bullshit or the other happens in the background.

And it’s not even always her friends or coworkers or Colonnello (yeah he has a category of his own lmao).

As far as she is concerned everyone who chooses to be a fucking dumbass in her vicinity is asking for it aqsdfghj.

------

Also has a “Doing paperwork” series, and the later at night she’s doing it, the more she’s absolutely fucking done with people not being able to do their job properly without collateral damage.

She dryly reads out loud the highlights of the reports and goes straight for their lives lol.

But as funny as it is, everyone is more interested in the very questionable out of context content of these reports???

------

Also does workout videos, as in she demonstrates how to do this one or other exercise, and if these do particularly well it has nothing to do with how people want to look respectfully at her body, of course not.

ALSO has a “Colonnello’s Loving Hours” series because you better believe this woman is also so much in love.

She records him when he’s simply existing---whether he’s snuggling besides her while they’re watching TV, or dancing in the kitchen while cooking, or cleaning his guns---while looking at the camera with this tender, content expression on her face.

*

They become known as the Weather Lovers because boy, do these people like to go on about their favorite weather. Some shipping might even be involved??

It’s how their community introduces them to each other.

Cue even more chaos on their respective socials medias.

Viper’s video of their first meeting is the most popular one on their channel.

*

Yeah I know, I didn’t add the Sky Arco ladies, but I have no idea what they could do. Pinterest maybe? Or Vine? Dunno, they’re all yours guys lol.

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

[kiwi]

Hi I love your art!! I was just wondering how old you were when you started posting online? I'm almost 16 and I still haven't started posting my art online. I feel like my art is "good enough" to start posting it online but at the same time I'm always constantly working to get better so I don't want to regret starting an account too early in my artistic development. Sorry for rambling but do you have any advice for starting to post onlinr? Social media is nervewracking and I dont want to mess up

hi, thanks anon!

i was 11 when i joined deviantart and hooooooo ooooooOOOOOO BOY im glad i deleted that mess. it wasnt because of the art at all though, i actually made a lot of friends that way and even though there was the odd meanie, every like and comment really encouraged me to keep going! the only reason i dont recommend doing it that young is because i was baby and didnt kno how to act online. if you say dumb stuff on the internet as a tiny bastard it can come back to bite you in the ass

but by all means, if you know how to conduct yourself in a reasonable way online, please post your art! there is absolutely no milestone you should reach before it’s acceptable to post your work. you should post just for the joy of it! if sharing your work doesnt bring you happiness, keep it private for your own enjoyment, but personally sharing my work has been very encouraging for me to keep going

i was 14 when i started posting art on tumblr, and 15 or 16 when i started making youtube videos. and i really did love it! i didnt do it for money at that point, i just did it because it made me happy to network and grow a channel based on something that i made all by myself. do i like every piece that i made back then? hell fuckin no! did i make some real ugly art a bunch of times? hell fuckin yea! but do i feel that sharing my art has stunted my growth? absolutely not. it’s done the opposite! just because you start posting doesn’t mean you’ve “made it” and youre done improving. you can change and learn so much by opening up to your peers online!

as far as advice for posting online goes... (under a readmore to save space and in case i wanna add something later)

1. as i said before.... dont be a little jerk lol. ive learned over the years to treat my online art accounts in a professional way. just share your art and try not to get into shit with strangers for no reason

2. similarly, dont feel the need to respond to bad comments. try to learn the difference between a helpful critique and a troll! and trust me, you will get plenty of both. also, just because youre sharing your work doesnt necessarily mean you have to acknowledge and follow every piece of criticism you receive, sometimes you just want to share art for the fun of it and thats fine! learn to delete comments and move on

3. utilize tags! tag the most popular things associated with your art first. tumblr only tracks the first five tags, so make sure to tag the fandom it’s associated with before adding your in-tag commentary if you have any. go wild with tags on other sites though honestly it cant hurt. on youtube i put like 50 tags on every video that even vaguely have to do with the vid’s subject matter, just to increase the chance that itll show up in more peoples searches

4. if social media is nervewracking to you, just start posting on the site you’re most comfortable with first. maybe just start sharing with your friends and family before you reach out to bigger communities. eventually, you can start posting on multiple sites to maximize the amount of views you get

5. just have fun! drawing fanart is a great way to both get exposure, and find people who like the same things you do. fanart is an awesome part of online communities and everyone enjoys a brand new piece of their favorite show, game, or character! if posting isn’t fun for you, don’t stress yourself out with it.

good luck!

[cuddleslutloki]

I have a genuine question. How often do you actually deal with antis? I've been following you for a bit now and it seems every so often you bring up antis. I've certainly kept my interest about thorki shut and locked away in a box from my friends for the simple fact that all of them think it's incest. It's not an easy topic of conversation but you just seem to handle all the antis so well? Also on an off note about beast!Thor, his favorite pass time must just be rutting into Loki 24/7 🤔

when someone tells you that you're romanticizing abuse [bc i made a stockholm moodboard for a fic] I don't know what I'm supposed to say other than I don't condone it but I write about it? Is writing about abusive relationships bad in writing??? you're the only person i ask for advice so thank you for anything in advance

i’m honestly really glad you came to me. i really do like discussing this topic in this kind of way bc i’ll never reblog an anti or answer an anti ask. even if you’re arguing against them, i don’t think it’s worth it to argue against them if it means also spreading what they’re saying

the basic premise of all anti behavior and ideology is censorship. that’s all it is. 

“i don’t like this topic, you need to stop writing it and making art for it. if you don’t stop there will be consequences.”

that is censorship and that is the kind of shit fandom has had to fight ever since there’s been fandom. women, poc, lgbt+ folks have been dealing with people telling us what we can and can’t write and enjoy for... well, probably forever. but we’re still here, creating the kind of content we want to see and indulge in.

as far as how to deal with antis, my advice is to ignore, ignore, ignore. they want what any bully wants: attention

you stop paying attention, you stop giving them time they don’t deserve from you, they’ll die off. there’s no point in fighting them directly. produce the content you want to see and enjoy what you want to enjoy. drown them out. you don’t owe them a response just because they come to you. they don’t have any qualms about being rude to you, so be rude back and just ignore them. i love blocking antis, personally. take out the garbage, y’know?

antis use the words ship and support as synonyms because they think that shipping is some radical call to action for lgbt rep instead of entertainment

shipping is not activism. shipping is about entertainment and enjoyment, nothing more

so this is why i have this very blasé attitude about antis. i just don’t give a fuck about them beyond making posts trashing their idiocy. because that’s what it is. it’s idiocy, but going deeper it’s puritanism at its finest. antis use fox news scare tactic logic under the guise of some pseudo feminist agenda because they don’t understand and don’t want to understand that enjoying dark fiction as entertainment isn’t equivalent to some greater moral stance

they use the same argument about shipping and fanfiction that WASP moms use against video games and loud music: that enjoying and consuming it will make you think it’s normal and there’s nothing wrong with it irl

okay, well, vlad the impaler never played CoD or far cry and caligula never watched hentai but we know why i’m bringing them up in this context without even heading over to wikipedia, don’t we?

they use the words abuse and pedophilia waaaaaayy too liberally and they’re doing more harm than good because they’re twisting and warping words that should have very specific meanings by using them so goddamn vaguely and irresponsibly 

my own personal theory is that these people are terrified that if they don’t yell in opposition to these topics 24/7 and actively attack content creators that they’d probably enjoy it, and they’ve been so programmed by the echo chamber of tumblr and twitter that they think this means they’re bad people. 

spoiler alert: that’s not what it means

i literally watched a circle jerk on twitter where screenshots of some mafia starker au got tweeted and retweeted w/ pictures of someone pouring bleach into cereal and people had asked to see more of the post. if you really don’t like something, you shouldn’t hate-read about it. it’s not productive, it does more harm than good if that’s the actual issue rather than some reverse psychology-style enjoyment they’re probably getting out of it.

they claim to hate this shit so much, but they’re reading hundreds and thousands of words and putting these images in their heads of their own free will. i don’t do that with shit i genuinely dislike. i avoid it.

i see antis say they enjoy thorki fanart because they think it’s cute, then they see it’s tagged thorki and they have an over the top reaction because the nature of anti ideology states you should never enjoy something like that, so if you do then you have to make the excuse of ignorance to prove that you’re still innocent and pure. enjoyment is apologism to them because they aren’t content to simply attack fan creators, they want to try and drive away the people who consume our art as well because they know you’re the cornerstone of fandom. consumers are why creators create. yeah, i write because i enjoy it, but i also write to connect to my readers and have people commenting on my fics when they like them.

it’s also worth noting that antis only ever talk about shipping. they only talk about sexual and romantic ships. i’ve never seen an anti talk about (often extreme) levels of violence in canon source material for the ships and characters they want to froth at the mouth over. 

seeing someone bleed out and choking on their own blood after being stabbed or shot or bludgeoned? meh

seeing a character who was once a child have a sexual thought about a character who was also once a child and is also their close friend? omg why are we trying to make fandom unsafe for people?

personally, i’ve also noticed that fandoms with darker canon material tend to have more chill fandoms most of the time. i think it also depends on the average age in a given fandom. there’s a major difference between fannibals and steven universe fans, let’s just say that.

creating a moodboard for a dark fic is not “romanticizing abuse” and at this point antis honestly have no fucking idea what that phrase is. they use those words the way a bored CEO uses social media buzzwords and hashtags in a staff meeting

if antis want to see true romanticizing of abuse then they can go to serial killer thirst tags and spot the fucking differences between shippers and people who forget that ted bundy was weak, flaccid, cowardly piece of shit

writing something dark or violent or whatever else and condoning the act or doing the act are different. this is why stephen king isn’t under government surveillance or in prison.

make no mistake, this anti shit only applies to fandom. they’re attacking creators here because creators out at the professional levels don’t give a fuck. they’ve tried, and they’ve failed. 

creators at the professional level understand something antis don’t: that being able to reconcile your enjoyment of dark media can be a sign of emotional intelligence and good emotional health. it’s cathartic. it’s allowed to be cathartic.

the most common consumers of dark fiction are members of minority communities and people who’ve been emotionally and/or sexually repressed for one reason or another. 

antis want to say that fiction doesn’t exist in a vacuum and they are 100% correct! because writing fanfiction and original fiction that relates to parts of my life that nearly killed me gives me control over something that was beyond me in the original context. writing about fucked up codependent, violent romance allows me to process my shit in a way that’s healthy and produces something fun and enjoyable.

my therapist knows i ship thorki, she knows i write thorki. i’ve had her read pieces of fanfiction i’ve written in addition to pieces of original fiction. y’know what she said? “wow, baylen, that’s vivid. you have a way with words!”

i read her a line out of smart boy and told her what the story was about and this trained professional said “well it’s a productive way to process some emotion that you clearly need to let out”

but you know what? if someone doesn’t have the trauma i have? let them write it, too! let them create and enjoy the fictional content they want! more cake, y’all!

finally getting around to one of the first parts of your ask, lol. thorki is incest. thor and loki are brothers. they were raised believing they were blood brothers, even. loki being adopted doesn’t change a thousand years of personal history where thor looked at loki and thought that they came out of the same woman, y’know? 

that’s his brother and in the comics his attachment to loki is even more intense. the mcu nerfed that shit. loki’s life has been intrinsically tied to thor’s ability to feel a full sense of joy. 

enjoying an incest ship isn’t some sign of moral depravity. writing abusive relationships isn’t bad. gone girl was made into an award winning movie. art should look like life, and sometimes life fucking sucks. dark stories, sad stories, fucked up holy shit idk if i can go to sleep after i read this stories exist for a reason. we need them. we have to have an outlet for our frustration, our anger, and especially our fear.

so which is the healthier option of these

to write up a piece of fanfiction where two siblings are in love in a way that might be cute and soft or might be destructive, depending on your mood?

or

attacking strangers you don’t know online and threatening violence against anyone who doesn’t think like you do?

i know what kind of person i want to be.

ship and let ship, thanks for reading my doctoral thesis office hours are always

[notyetjaded1]

1-117 :) please answer all of them

omg. 

don’t mind me as i just use this as an excuse not to stare at my own face until i go to sleep

previously asked questions here & here! 

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

Oooooh. The state of the world and politics and equality issues, figuring out my life purpose and real abilities, why I always have the inspiration to film at the most inopportune moments, and fucking taxes, man. 

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

Actually…yes! Sometimes! People are super cute.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

Fuck no. Not in the slightest. And yet here I am, sharing my life on social media and video. Constantly. Weird. 

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

Sleeping. Because I’m secretly 80 years old. Don’t judge me. 

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

No one. Because I don’t get drunk outside of definitely safe spaces. Because I’m paranoid af and, as we just discerned, do not trust people. 8: Are you close with your dad?Relatively, yeah! :D9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?Lol, nope, sadly not. Been a little while now, actually? When did I film that Q&A…? 11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?Water. Because I’d like to survive as a semi-healthy human being. And water is fucking good. 12: Do you like hickeys?Giving or receiving? Giving, fuck yes. Again, I’m a literal vampire who likes biting people far more than I should. Receiving. Ehhhhh. It’s a weird mix of, hey, I like the aesthetic of bruises and all that other pseudo-grunge bullshit and, hey, I don’t like the idea of other people having their physical mark on me. So. Yay. 13: What time do you go to bed?Fuck me, too late. I say as I try to get in bed between 9 pm and 11 pm because I have to be awake at 4:45 am to get ready for work and I know that I am constantly tired. It used to be closer to bewteen like 11 pm and 1 am in my college days and I fucking miss it because I used to be so much more productive, fuck. 14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

Kind of? Yeah, I feel like there are people that I have high hopes and expectations for and yet…they never seem to be able to live up to them. Because there’s a horrid mismatch between their goals and the steps they think they need to take to achieve them. Vague. I know. And yet. But at the same time, when there’s evidence to suggest I shouldn’t trust someone with certain things, I do tend to lower my expectations so they can’t let me down, so there’s that. 15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?Nope, not at all! I am very right handed. 16: Do you always answer your texts?hahaha, no, I’m the worst. I try to get to them within a certain amount of time. But like. I really am the worst with social interactions. I apologize in advance for being a shit human being. 17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?Nope. Because I have no idea who that would be. 20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?How many times have I now seen/watched Jack play Undertale and how the fuck does his screaming help me fall asleep?? 21: Is anyone else in the room with you?Not at the moment! 22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?Not in the karma kind of way; at least not really. Like, self-fulfilling prophecies, sure. You create your own expectations and then either that makes them happen or it makes you on the look out for it. But I do think if you behave a certain way, it’s bound to bite you in the ass. 23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?Not in the slightest. Four months ago fucking sucked, man. All of the family stuff going on + existential crises (literally, could not function, was so anxious) about school + do I/don’t I continue youtube, and all the world bullshit? Yeah, no. 2016? Was not a good time in my life. 25: In the past week, have you cried?I’m not even kidding, I was about a breath away from crying when I saw snow in Denmark. I’m emotional, okay. 26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?Currently? Surprisingly enough, navy blue. 27: Do people ever call you by your last name?Nope! Thankfully not! 28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?LMFAO probably. 29: Do you have a best friend?One best friend? Nah. Really close friends who I adore and appreciate. Absolutely. 30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?…yes because I’m secretly a very jealous and insecure person. 31: Who was your last call/text message from?@dreams–die–today!33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?Yup. 3 of the…4?? people. 34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?Um. Hm. twenty…six…? seven…..? we talked about it and I literally have the worst memory. Sorry. 35: How many more days until your birthday?191. Apparently. 36: Do you have any summer plans yet?Hopefully start a new job!! But we shall see! 

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?Very much so. :) 38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?Not necessarily keeping things? Like. Not secrets really. They just never really came up? 39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?Anyone? Not that I can really think of? 40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?Nope, can’t say I have. 41: Do you think age matters in relationships?I mean, yes, to the extent of legality, consent, maturity, and power hierarchies. 42: Are you available?In…what…way? Emotionally? No? Schedule wise? There is nothing on my calendar for 10pm on a Tuesday night? 43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?Real, strong feelings in what way??? 44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?I spent my entire middle and high school life wanting lip piercings. Hardcore wannabe emo kid right here. 45: Do you believe exes can be friends?Absolutely. I think if things ended well and consensually and whatnot, you do you. :) 46: Do you regret anything?LMFAO YES. 47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?Literally too much. Should I be on YouTube, video ideas (anxiety v depression, inspiration v self-criticism, etc.), school, suicide prevention job opportunities, research, clinical work, social mishaps, etc. etc. etc. my mind is a joyous place to live. that’s a lie. 48: Did you ever lose a best friend?Not like…passing away kind of lose, but I have had best friends that I am no longer friends with. 49: Was your last kiss a mistake?Nah, I enjoyed myself. 50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?Because…I don’t actually want a relationship? Plus define like? Plus again, that social anxiety thing. 51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?I…don’t…think so?52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?Literally messaging them right now. 53: What was the last thing you ate?I had some green juice thing? Hello, yes I am from LA, how could you tell? 54: Did you get any compliments today?YES BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE ON TUMBLR MAKE MY HEART SING. 55: Where are you going on your next vacation?Las Vegas, I think? For Backstreet Boys! 56: Do you own anything from other countries?My brother just brought home wine from Israel, does that count? 57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?I think I have a pretty good/even mix of both! 58: Where have you lived most of your life?Los Angeles. Or the surrounding cities. For all my life. 59: When was the last time you took a long drive?Vegas, a few months ago. :) 60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?Once. I was in elementary school. Nothing happened. And then never again after that. 61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?Nope! That would be quite rude! 62: Who do you text the most?Lately?? I actually don’t know?? 63: What was the last movie you saw?Moonlight! 64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?The fact that they don’t exist?? 65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?….one? I think one? Was that 2011……? Fuck, I should ask. I literally don’t recall. 66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?Nope, they’re not! 67: Do you curse around your parents?Yes, because I literally cannot help it. Don’t let me around small children. 68: Are you happy with where you live?Sure, relatively. Especially lately since there’s been actual rain! 69: Picture of yourself?http://shaynainshambles.tumblr.com/tagged/my-face70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?I think both. Which is weird. I like the intimacy of monogamous relationships and I’m a very jealous person? But also like…I like open-ended relationships because intimacy with many people, please yes. 71: Have you ever been dumped?I actually have not. 73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?Um. Yes? Again, that 2/4 people being fwb thing. 74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?the other because I’m a socially awkward fucking mess. 75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?I like hair. Also collar bones. Also arms. Also smile and eyes. And everything. People are just very pretty. 76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?@dreams–die–today, I think?? 77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?Nope! 78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?Nope!! 79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?Jack-motherfucking-septiceye. You all. Literally, you all. getting asks and comments and building a community of human beings. helping people. psychology/inspiring mental health awareness and advocacy and integration. etc. etc.  etc. 81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?I feel like that has happened more recently than ever before or ever imagined…82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?About never, actually? 83: Do you miss your last sweetie?Um….what? 84: Last time you slow danced with someone?lmfao 85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?I…think…so…? technically…? briefly??? Idk. I literally don’t know. 86: How can I win your heart?Oh, let me count the ways…figure it out ;p 87: What is your astrological sign?Leo! 88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?Sleeping…89: Do you cook?I mean, if I had to, I could learn, but nope. I can steam vegetables, I am set! 90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?Technically? I often do not talk to my “old flame” for months at a time, but that’s pretty much the usual for us. 92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?I really prefer the multiple close relationship thing. Idk, about dating. Dating is weird. But. Yeah, I think time and making sure you enjoy each other’s company is good before just like…committing.93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?I don’t really. I really am finding myself far more interested in people after I start getting to know them as human beings. Like, physical attraction is great and yes, absolutely a thing. but if I’m interested in them any more than something pretty, I get invested based who they are, etc.? The more you know. 94: Name four things that you wish you had!Money, self-confidence, a supportive and engaged community, the ability to be successfully mindful and productive when I want to be. 95: Are you a player?In what way……? 96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?I….don’t think I have? 97: Are you a tease?Tad bit. Maybe. yes. sorry not sorry. I kind of love it. It’s fun to be flirty and tease and shit, man. 98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?Not yet! 99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?Not like…happily ever after kind of idea of love. But I do deeply care about people. 100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?Absolutely. Ya’ll are fucking lovely. 101: Hugs or Kisses?Mmmmm. Do kisses with hugging involved count? 102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?Very much so. Hello. 103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?Hair. 104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?Can be? I think it’s just a term of endearment. Which I’ve started doing, so who am I to comment. 105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?No??? That’s not okay?? Unless there was consent from all parties involved being like…yes, I am aware and in full, enthusiastic support of this. 106: Do you flirt a lot?Hello, as I’ve said, flirting is my horrible way of connecting with people and stress relief. I’m sorry. If it does bother anyone at all or make them uncomfortable at any point, please do tell me and I will not do it. 107: Your last kiss?happened?? at some point?? 108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?Nope, have not. 109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?Yes? I think it was less than a month ago? 110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?@51centurywoman and/or @thelootqueen because ya’ll are fucking incredible ;p 111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?Uh. I have an assumption but who knows? 112: Does someone like you currently?Apparently?????????????????113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?I have many feelings for people constantly. 114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?Serious flings. 115: Ever made out with just a friend?Glowing endorsement for fwb currently, yes. 116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?I’m honestly not that reliant on relationship status? I really like having people i can have fun with and be intimate with and just like..enjoy and have them enjoy. that makes me beyond happy. 117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.Opening the floor to you folks: any other questions? also, what kind of content do you like to see/hear? Also, tell me something positive that happened to you today! Let’s take a moment to focus on the good. :) 

[herotheshiro]

i wanted to post this online somewhere but didn’t know where to put it (not really something to put on any of my IG accounts and if you stay w me for the rest of this post you’ll know why i didn’t put it on twitter) and i almost forgot tumblr existed and no one really uses it (i.e., my sibling doesn’t follow this account. was going to put this on my personal blog which my sibling also doesn’t follow but i feel like this blog is better in the end) so good place to put it and let me release my thoughts. [put it under cut bc it’s pretty long lol]

but basically one of the worst decisions i’ve made in the last half yr is become active on twitter. i made an account back in october to try to order some hipmaic merch from a proxy which ultimately failed and had unexpected personal blowbacks as well... that in itself should have already indicated the dumpster fire that twitter would become for me (from the bad vibes of that failure i mean) but unfortunately in the time before i knew the proxy was going to fail, i got absorbed into fandom twitter. for whatever reason i have this weird thing of wanting to become fandom famous or like fandom well-known, which i think is partially due to me wanting to be like my sibling who sort of became a recognizable name due to their fanworks in some of their fandoms in the past. i feel like i used to kind of have that kind of recognition back during the young deviantart days but since i don’t really produce/publish fanworks anymore, i’ve gotten to liveblogging/livetweeting as my attempts to fame. ik some ppl have succeeded off of that, based on some of the ppl i’ve followed for a number of fandoms in the past few years, so i thought i could do it too ... but alas as y’all know, the internet is a big place and it’s hard to get ppl to care abt your one voice. and ppl noticing you also sometimes happens in unwanted ways, like that whole thing i got stressed over re: a/3 which i think i blogged abt on this blog before ... i mean still not even 100% they were referring to me specifically w that vague tweetinig but i was stupidly anxious over dumb shit like that.

also, as everyone knows, once you really get into a fandom, there is always the absolute mess of “problematic” content/call-outs. sometimes it’s valid critiques of the series content, sometimes it’s over stupid ass petty inter-fan drama. and even if you’re not involved in the drama itself, it’s so tiring to have to witness all the passive aggressive (or sometimes outright aggressive) tweets ... esp in this current global pandemic situation where we’re already getting negative news re: our real lives. i’m writing up this post really in response to me reading through threads of ppl calling out the problematic ways hipmaic handles hip hop/black culture which is definitely valid and basically something i’ve always been aware of even when i first came into the fandom bc non-black iterations of hip hop culture (esp overseas) usually do not hit the mark .... even though i’ve been aware of all this shit, it’s so tiring to read through and then the guilt of still consuming the fandom even w its flaws (which is still something you can do as long as you acknowledge the flaws and problematic aspects. but it also depends on the series i suppose, like imo a/o/t is just shit that prob shouldn’t be consumed lol, which is also funny bc i used to consume it a long time ago but that was like way before the timeskip like when the anime first got released ... i mean this kind of opinion/perspective is fraught w so many asterisks so i’m not going to go into it further but hopefully you get what i mean even if you’re not hearing all of my personal footnotes)... like i don’t think i’m going to give up hipmaic yet, bc i still do enjoy some of its music and i do enjoy seeing character content, but adding twitter to my life was honestly a goddamn mistake. not only for that one case of anxiety re: a/3 but also just me purposely consuming fans’ content that i literally KNOW will piss me off but i still do anyways. it’s tiring to read some of the comments hipmaic fans say, and a few months ago i wanted to interact re: headcanons and stuff but now i’m like you know what. keep your frankly incorrect and inaccurate headcanons to yourself (partly sarcastic but you know when you read a thinkpiece and you respect them for voicing their opinion but it’s also “wrong” at the same time...).

like recently i’ve gotten to thinking to literally just blocking any twitter account that talks abt hyp mic and just restricting my twitter to non-fandom stuff or japanese twitter accounts where i don’t understand what stupid shit they’re saying (if any). and also let’s not get into what a time-suck scrolling through twitter has become for me ... i’m already depressed and completely unmotivated to do work, and twitter is just a major procrastination device to continue wrecking my academic and professional lives and productivity ... i don’t have the app, but i can still access it through safari so of course it’s still a stick in my wheel. i really need to follow what my sibling said and try to rarely go on it and if i do, just stick to my dash and don’t stray too far out (i.e., looking up shit in the search bar). tbh, IG and twitter are both huge time-wasters for me, and i seriously need to consider deleting social media in general or at least for a good chunk of time which is something i wanted to do literally 2 yrs ago but just never did ... ik some of my friends are relatively inactive on social media (they do have it but they just never post or anything) and i really really need to be like that. everything for me (like many ppl at this time i assume) is remote, and i know from past experience that i am VERY BAD at being productive when doing remote working. and having IG/twitter drains is definitely going to make that worse, especially since they’re already major distractors when i AM physically going to school/work. i feel like i’ve tried to cut cold-turkey before, but i usually never keep up the block for long ... it’s also due to a lack of motivation in general (this is a whole other monster of a topic that should be put on my personal blog LMAO) but i need to just try to cut things that i have some control over that could further contribute to my lack of productivity.

tl;dr

fandom twitter truly is a dumpster fire

twitter itself is helping ruin my life (not bc of anything happening on it but just its presence)

i am just purposely consuming bad news and shitty takes and making myself feel worse and i need to stop