#turning your own body into a science experiment is hot girl shit

[antique-symbolism]

While I'm at it talking about Camp Damascus, Rose Darling puking up a swarm of insects and then immediately going so deep down a Wikipedia rabbit hole about mayflies that she forgets why she's reading about it in the first place is mega relatable

[luxekook]

chapter two.

⇥ pairing: namjoon x reader; eventual bts/ot7 x reader

⇥ genre: college au with fluff, smut & angst

⇥ summary: a series in which the reader meets (and falls for) seven members of the Beta Tau Sigma (BTS) fraternity

⇥ word count: 2.3k

⇥ warnings: 18+, cursing, chaotic namjoon, power tools, hints of poly relationships, overall pretty smut free (who AM i???)

© luxekook. please do not repost, modify, edit or translate.

characters | prologue | one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine

Chapter Two

Habitat for Humanity Worksite – 9:26am

When I signed up to volunteer Saturday morning of syllabus week, I should have known I would end up regretting it. I almost punted my alarm clock out of the apartment window this morning, but instead settled a slightly more civil action – punching the shit out of the ‘off’ button.

Don’t get me wrong: I love volunteering. It’s been part of my routine since sophomore year when I was recruited for the all-women’s service society on campus – the Alphites. As a society, us Alphites volunteer around campus and in our local community each week. There’s something about doing service together that really creates bonds, and the girls in the society have quickly become some of my closest friends.

We sign up to volunteer for a variety of different service projects each week, and Habitat is my current favorite project to sign up for. As a nonprofit organization, Habitat for Humanity helps families build and improve places to call home. Currently, our regional Habitat is working on building a house from the ground up for a local family in need.

Disclaimer: I am in no way, shape, or form a very ‘handy’ person. Luckily for me, there are always a couple volunteers with construction or engineering backgrounds who are willing to teach other volunteers with less experience – or none, like me.

Since beginning to volunteer at the site last year, I have learned how to use a power saw, how to fasten siding, and how to mix, pour and level cement. It’s definitely empowering to learn new skills and also to see how my handiwork contributes to someone’s future home. I also feel lowkey badass when I get to use the power drill for anything.

Pulling up to the worksite, I clutch my cherished 24oz. Wawa coffee. I finally feel somewhat human as I park my beat-up Jeep Wrangler and hop out to meet the other volunteers for our task assignments.

The site leader Eddie – a burly retiree with a background in construction management – greets me with a huge grin, “(y/n)-doll, we missed you this summer! I can’t believe you abandoned us during the hottest months of the year.”

I roll my eyes, smiling at his teasing. Eddie’s like a teddy bear disguised as a grizzly – all rough edges and a heart of gold. “Missed you, too, Eddie.”

“Look at our progress now,” he continues, “Pretty impressive, yeah?” Nodding, I greet some regular volunteers I recognize as Eddie leads me around the house. He proceeds to show me what they had done over the summer in my absence – and they had done a lot. The house now had its full foundation and wooden framing with most of the doors and windows installed.

As we walk back to the front of the house to the main area, I sip my coffee and turn to Eddie, “So, what can I work on today, fearless leader?”

Letting out a patented ‘Eddie belly-laugh’, he replies, “I know you worked on the siding at our last site so I'm gonna have you work on where we started the siding on the right side of the house.”

Sweet, I could work with that. “Aye, aye, captain,” I respond with a lazy salute of my coffee cup. Before I can turn to start towards the scaffolding to begin, Eddie stops me.

“Oh, one more thing. I’m gonna need you to orient our new volunteer and let him shadow you today. Kid’s from the same school as you, I think… Mandatory service. Anyway, he should be here any minute.”

Shit, I know what ‘mandatory service’ means. It’s the first form of disciplinary action that the college issues and is usually the only form of disciplinary action for our athletes or for Greek life – a fact I actively resent. During my time in the Alphites, I have had to deal with some of these ‘mandatory service’ characters and they’ve never been much fun to be around.

“Ah, that’s probably him now,” Eddie startles me out of my thoughts of dread and doom as a black gleaming Tesla practically purrs down the block, swinging into the spot next to my Wrangler. Scowling, I cross my arms as I survey the stark contrast between this person’s shiny-ass luxury car and my dirty-ass well-loved Jeep.

The Tesla door opens. A Timberland booted foot emerges followed by a thick leg encased in light jeans, a tanned well-muscled arm…

No. Nope, it couldn’t be— Please, not today, Satan.

He stands with his back to us now, stretching out his large body. In only a cutoff t-shirt, his rippling back muscles might be enough to send me into an early grave.

I sigh in bitter defeat of the inevitable. Seriously, the fucking universe must have it out for me because I can’t seem to shake this stupid fucking fraternity.

As if the boy feels my eyes on him, he turns. His eyes immediately clash with mine as he slams his car door, clicking the lock over his shoulder. Those eyes – golden brown beneath dark brows and a wave of bleached blonde hair. Their focus is absolute – hard – as he strolls towards us. It’s almost as if he knows the maddening effect that he has on me.

I think Eddie is speaking, but my senses are on lockdown, his words muted. My thighs tighten as my pulse picks up. Get a fucking grip, (y/n). I can’t let him know that just one look from him has me thirsty and oxygen-deprived. I can’t look away – that would be succumbing to weakness.

Instead, I hold his heated gaze as best I can as his confident gait brings him closer. God, he’s got to be at least 6 foot...

The goddamn president of BTS Kim Namjoon is getting closer and I can’t help running my eyes over him.

His thighs flex and shift beneath his jeans with every calculated step. His abs are apparent under his tight cutoff shirt emblazoned with his fraternity letters.

Namjoon stops in front of us, hands stuffed into his back pockets, biceps flexing. “Nice to finally meet you, Eddie,” Namjoon takes his eyes off me long enough to greet Eddie and shake his hand, but then they’re right back on me, “Hi, (y/n).”

He drags out my name in a such a sinful way that even old Eddie does a slight doubletake. Clearing his throat unnecessarily loudly, Eddie booms, “You two know each other?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Our differing replies sound at the same time.

“Yes,” Namjoon repeats, lips turning up in an infuriating smile, “We have several mutual friends that she’s met a couple times now. Want me to jog your memory? I’d be more than happy to do so.”

Eddie takes one look at my face and hustles off, mumbling something about support beams. I guess my inner thoughts of ‘kill, maim, slaughter’ could easily be read from my facial expression.

Namjoon opens his mouth to speak again, but I’m faster, “Listen, Kim, I don’t know who you think you are, and, quite frankly, I don’t care. What I do care about is this house and these people working on it. Don’t fuck this up for me, okay? Let’s just get through today and then you can go back to ordering around your brothers and causing general mayhem.”

I’m feeling pretty proud of my little soliloquy until I realize he’s still smiling with those blasted dimples out in full display. No, his smile has grown even wider now as he simply answers, “The semester.”

My nose crinkles in confusion, “What?”

“The semester,” he repeats, “I’m assigned here every Saturday for the rest of the semester.”

I stare at him.

He smirks back.

I stare.

His smirk begins to fade, “Uh, did you hear me?”

I stare.

“Okay, you’re creeping me out now, (y/n),” Namjoon waves his giant paw of a hand in front of my face, “How many fingers?”

I break out of my trance of denial and hiss, “What did you do? Double homicide? Serial arson? Oh my god, you were the one who blew up the science lab!”

His hand covers my mouth – it’s rough and warm and entirely disarming.

“You have quite the imagination, jagi. I’ll keep that in mind,” Namjoon chuckles, “To answer your question, I did none of the above. Now, answer a couple questions of mine: what did you do to get here and – more importantly – why did you distract Jungkook from doing his fucking job on Monday?”

I glare in response, waiting for him to remove his hand from my mouth. He takes too long, and I lick his palm. It works. He removes his hand, but from the look on his face it seems like he liked my tongue on his skin entirely too much.

Thankfully, Eddie chooses the perfect moment to yell across the site, “What are you doing just standing there, (y/n)-doll? I don’t pay you to just loiter around all day!”

“You don’t pay me at all!” I yell back, already moving towards the trailer with all the supplies to get started. Namjoon follows.

“(y/n)-doll?” his eyebrows are raised as I hand him a pair of the biggest gloves I could find, “What’s up with that?”

Taking a pair of smaller gloves for myself, I turn to look for some hammers and nails as I respond, “I’ve been here a while. He’s like my honorary grandfather at this point.”

I spot the hammers and nails tucked away on the highest corner shelf and I huff. Namjoon follows my gaze, “Need a strong, intelligent, tall young man to grab those for you?”

He’s impossible, but for some reason it draws a small smile to my face, “Yes, that’d be great.”

The smile I receive in response is so bright I wonder if it could make flowers grow, “Okay, but only if answer my questions, (y/n).”

I shrug, trying not to notice how his cutoff shirt rises as he stretches to reach the upper shelf. I catch a sudden glimpse of his abs, and I praise every god out there that hot weather can be blamed for my sudden onset of sweat. 

Clearing my throat, I laugh lightly, “Fine, first of all, I didn’t ‘distract’ Jeon. I just had a temporary lapse in judgement. Besides, he came to me all on his own.” His back muscles tense up at my words, but I continue, “And second of all, there’s no juicy story of how I got here. I just volunteer here every Saturday for the Alphites.”

The sound of a hammer hitting the floor startles me as he whirls around, “You’re an Alphite?”

Namjoon’s tone is one of disbelief and it’s a tone I do not appreciate, “Yes, why is that so hard to believe?” My arms cross defensively, “I’ve been a sister since my sophomore year...”

I trail off. He’s still gawking at me ridiculously. Narrowing my eyes, I stride across the trailer and grab his chin, closing his mouth for him, “Watch out, Kim, you’re gonna catch flies.”

Spinning on my heels, I sashay out of the trailer, nose held high in the air and satisfaction held even higher. He’ll catch up. After all, he’s basically supposed to be my bitch today.

I climb up the scaffolding next to the house’s right side and assess the siding work that has already been started. It looks pretty solid and level. I should have no issue with continuing without having to make any initial corrections.

The sound of a bucket of nails hitting the top platform I’m sitting on alerts me of Namjoon’s impending presence. Saving the bucket from teetering over the edge – a safety hazard for sure – I watch amusedly as Namjoon struggles stay upright and climb up to where I am on the scaffolding. Finally, he plops down next to me – entirely too close. I can feel his stare on my skin as I steadfastly ignore him.

“Hey, jagi,” he pokes my arm, “(y/n), listen, you just caught me off guard. I mean, you don’t seem like the type to be an Alphite – that’s all.”

Fury curls up inside me for the umpteenth time that morning, as I turn to face Namjoon with a sickly-sweet smile that has him flinching back, “Then do tell, Namjoon, what type I seem to be?”

I pick up the hammer closest to me and dip a hand into the nail bucket. The sooner this siding got done, the sooner I could haul ass out of here.

“I feel like that’s a trick question,” Namjoon sighs, rubbing a hand over his chin, “I didn’t mean anything bad by it, okay? I guess I just have always thought that your society was a bunch of mom-types—”

I cut him off with a swing of my hammer in the air, “What’s wrong with mom-types, you uncultured swine? And is serving your community really such a ‘mom’ thing to do? I’m sorry. I must have missed that memo. Here I was thinking that it was public service but go off I guess.”

He blinks, “Did you just call me an ‘uncultured swine’?”

I sniff in indignation, “Get with the times, Kim. I just roasted your ass. Now hand me that piece of siding and make yourself useful.”

“You’re so weird,” Namjoon mutters, sliding my request over to me.

“So what?” I shrug, “All the best people are weird. Now, do me a solid and explain to me why you and your ‘brothers’ keep suspiciously popping up everywhere I go.”

“Haven’t you figured it out yet?” he grins, “We’re interested.”

“What does that even mean? That you’re interested?” I wrack my brain, “As in all seven of you fuckers?”

“It means, jagi,” Namjoon pauses, leaning closer, “It means that we’re going to date the shit out of you.”

a/n: i love namjoon. that is all. 

taglist (message me to be added):

@catsandstrawberries @h5naaa @meowmeowyoongles @leftflowerprunedonut @rjsmochii @athletes-of-god @karissassirak @weallhavesecretsinthebestway @cvbachacbitch @bewitch3dforivar @honeyspillings @xxonyxpearlxx​  @valiantcollectorofsandwiches @fivesecondsofsarang 

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS | CHAPTER 2

Rating: Explicit. 18+

‼️TW: Reader is EIGHTEEN! Recreational drug use, smoking and alcohol consumption, deeply internalised self-loathing, very questionable moral standards. Daddy kink taken half-seriously. BDSM themes in later chapters - explicit content will come with it’s own TWs. FIRST PERSON POV.

Summary: You’re Peter’s classmate, a child of rich and famous but uncaring parents. Getting paired up for a lengthy project with the boy was an interesting turn of events and you don’t know whether to feel blessed or cursed when you develop, seemingly, a perfectly normal, harmless crush on Tony Stark. Fueled by feelings of inadequacy and boredom, your life spirals out of control - and you’re lucky your newfound friends are there to pick up the pieces even if you cannot find it in yourself to believe these amazing human (and not so human) beings voluntarily give you more than a fleeting glance and an offhanded thought. And they brought cake!

A/N: Bad girls are sad girls! Always wondered what goes through the mind of a spoiled, rich but intelligent and perceptive teenager? Have you found yourself craving that adrenaline rush, the danger of a forbidden fruit? Okay. That was cheesy as hell. Gross.

Let’s try again. Sarcasm? Check. Vine references? Hell yes! Crude humour? Check. Blunt honesty? Double check. We’re living in a Lana del Rey song, ladies.

The author doesn’t actually condone codependent relationships in real life. This is a filthy little fantasy. Enjoy, deviants.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @vozit​ @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings​

Beta read by the lovely and patient @miscmarvelwritings  ! She deserves all the love 💙

Peter woke me up at eight AM the next morning like the little shit that he was, demanding I make him pancakes. It wasn’t the first time I’ve had the joy to experience him in the morning and he knew exactly how to antagonise me enough to make him the special pancakes he liked so much. They had become kind of a ritual whenever he stayed over at my house, which was quite often - teachers liked me enough to pair me up with one of the most sensible kids for any projects that couldn’t be done alone by yours truly on her own.

I put on my yesterday’s dress, applied moisturizer and obediently trotted behind an excitedly mumbling Peter. The kitchen was large, beautiful and delightfully empty of any resident superheroes. I’ve indirectly crossed paths with all of the tower’s residents hanging around Tony, but I’ve yet had to speak more than polite niceties to any of them. 

Spying a bowl of boiled eggs and some sort of weird salad alongside half burned toast on the counter, I suddenly understood why Peter demanded his pancakes. I strictly instructed the disaster child to stay away from my cooking process and set to work with one ear listening to his ramblings and a headphone in the other. 

A set of thumping footsteps appeared behind me as I was pouring the batter for the first pancake. Their owner loudly sat down next to Peter, sighing, groaning, generally making “I’m not a morning person” sounds.

“Good morning, Mr. Barnes,” Peter’s tone was way, way too chipper.

“‘mrng,” The Sergeant grumbled. “Who’s this and why is she making pancakes?”

I turned around, spatula at the ready. “It’s me,” We’ve actually met before, but Barnes had left before I could even come over from my side of the work bench to say hello.

He nodded in acknowledgement after giving me a suspicious once-over. “One of Stark’s science children. I’m James but you can call me Bucky,” His voice sounded rough and gravely, and he clutched a coffee cup half the size of my head.

I snorted. “Science child, sure,” It wasn’t half-bad actually. I wisely choose to ignore the part of being Tony’s. No matter how hot the man was, I wasn’t anybody’s but my own, thank you very much. “Go get the bananas, Nutella and maple syrup, fellow science child.”

Peter scrambled to follow instructions as I plated the pancakes and cut the bananas into neat little rings to fill the sweet circles with. A tablespoon of Nutella, half a sliced banana, wrap, garnish with powdered sugar and pour maple syrup generously on top. I really didn’t see how this could be difficult but any and all attempts to teach Peter how to recreate my masterpiece always ended up in an absolute mess. I turned around to ask Bucky if he wanted any. The look of a man starved answered all my questions.

“You’re a goddess,” Peter moaned around his mouthful, nose smudged white with the powdered sugar.

“Gross, chew first then talk, you neanderthal,” I scoffed, prepping more batter for the second batch of pancakes. I wasn’t sure if everybody would show up but figured it would be rude to exclude them from the sheer magnificence that were my pancakes. I was just that good.

The music in my ear drowned most of Peter’s disgusting chewing noises, thankfully. My second batch vanished into thin air, inhaled by the two males like the garbage disposals that they were. Peter, in particular, ate an alarming quantity of food and I was surprised how he managed to stay so skinny. His daily eating schedule resembled the Hobbits.

More people appeared, this time acting less surprised regarding me standing at the stove. Hawkeye, Black Widow, Scarlet Witch and her brother, all of them wandered in wearing sleep attire with various amusing prints. Thankfully, they mostly kept quiet or chatted with Peter - I would have definitely grumbled if someone tried to talk to me. As far as my body was concerned it was still the middle of the night.

“PANCAKES,” A booming voice announced and I shuddered at the sheer intensity and devotion contained in that one word. Thor.

“Please use your indoor voice,” I snapped reflectively. My brain caught up with what I just did so I hastily backtracked. “Sorry, I’m a bitch in the mornings.”

The blonde man chuckled, coming over to poke his nose into my flurry of pour-flip-fill sequence. Then, with all the grace and manners of a prince, he dipped one (1) large finger into the jar of Nutella and wandered off with it stuck in his mouth. With this turn of events the Nutella was bound to run out sooner than expected.

I turned around, annoyed confusion in plain sight. “The fuck?.. That’s gross, don’t do that,” Finding his brother (adopted!) sitting next to Thor, wearing a haughty smirk, finger still in his mouth. So Loki turned into his brother to steal Nutella from a jar. I sighed. Nobody even batted an eye. “Your alien germs are in there now, double ew.”

“Alien germs? Where?” Bruce entered the kitchen with a tablet under his arm, wearing Hulk themed pajamas, Captain America in tow. I was honestly on the verge of breaking down into hysterical laughter. Domestic Avengers wasn’t something I’d expected to see or experience, ever, much less be a part of. It took a moment for me to remind myself that they were people, too, and each of them was entitled to their own quirks. 

“America, egg-splain,” Peter muttered under his breath, giggling. “Loki stuck his hand in the Nutella jar,” He pointed at said jar. “She got grumpy,” Peter pointed at me. “Don’t make her grumpy, please, I want more pancakes,” And turned his pleading puppy eyes in my direction again.

“This is indentured servitude,” I pointed my spatula at the little shit. “You just had, like, ten.” But I made more batter nonetheless. I must admit it was kind of cool, seeing the earth’s mightiest defenders so relaxed. And Pete being happy, that was just… The best. I don’t know how to explain it. His eternal cheerfulness was highly contagious.

Chuckles filled up the room, the adults chatting and bickering amongst themselves while they patiently waited for their own breakfast. 

“Do you need some help?” Bruce approached me after stopping to fetch himself a cup of tea. It smelled strongly of tangy herbs and honey.

“I need more Nutella and bananas,” I admitted, surveying the sheer amount of people I had to feed. I didn’t doubt the Captain and two Asgardians had an appetite to match Peter’s which meant a literal extra set of condiments was required. Thankfully, Bruce fetched them for me, coming to a stop next to me. “Anything else?”

“You know, I tried making these with Peter and he just ended up with powdered sugar and chocolate all over himself,” I mused, noting the way Banner was carefully observing the assembly of a pancake. “You think Doctor seven-phds can manage to add a few toppings to a pancake without causing a disaster?“ 

Bruce rolled his eyes fondly, bumping me with his hip. "I’m no Clint Barton when it comes to cooking but at least I don’t burn my toast like Steve,” True to his word, his hands made swift motions of filling, wrapping and plating each individual pancake. They were almost as good as mine albeit more messy. I had lots of practice though. We finished off a batch in companionable silence, sounds of the team and my music playing in the background. 

I didn’t notice when I started swaying to the rhythm, catching a confused look from Bruce. I brushed back my hair, revealing a wireless headphone in my ear and he chuckled in understanding. “What are you listening to?”

“Right now? Kings of Leon,” I said, leaning towards him so he could hear the chorus “Use Somebody” currently occupying my right ear. 

“I like them, too,” He said, his cheek gently touching mine. His hands slowed on the pancake, a soft hum vaguely reminding me of the song’s melody emanating from his throat. “What else do you usually listen to?”

“Mostly heavier stuff, but I have a whole separate playlist dedicated to mid-2000s bops,” I answered. “I’ve heard I’m quite old school when it comes to music.”

“Well, I am an old man, so…” Bruce grinned mischievously. “But my guilty pleasure is Lady Gaga,” He admitted with a laugh.

I laughed, too. The image of his dancing in his lab to Born This Way was too much for my brain and I hung my head, fighting giggles. Bruce bumped me with his hip again, faking a pout. “Okay, okay, that was a fucking hilarious image, you go dude,” I finally powered through my struggle to contain laughter. “My own guilty pleasure would be… Umm… Lana Del Rey, I guess.”

Bruce made a vague noise of confusion. I took a brief break from mixing the batter to dig out my second headphone, presenting it to him and switching to a song. “This is what makes us girls”. Despite the fact I have never stolen a car or had a close female friend, the nostalgia was real. “Carmen” followed after the first song and I silently thanked whatever deity that “You can be the boss” was taken out of Spotify - I don’t think I was prepared to share that kind of information with a lab partner. An older, handsome lab partner. Wait… Where did that come from?

“I like it,” He said after the song ended and my more usual stuff began playing. “It suits you, I think.”

I groaned. “Really? I think it’s edgy,” Hiding away the embarrassment, I passed him a tray of freshly baked pancakes, occupying his immediate attention.

“You’re an old soul,” He gave me a lopsided smile. I saw a very faint blush tinting his cheeks, the kind of blush that had me wondering about the meaning behind his words. 

I gave an attempt at a smile in response, the left corner of my mouth barely tilting up. We talked some more about the rock music we shared in our earphones. I had a lot of 80s hair metal and 90s grunge in my playlist. Bruce was not a Curt Cobain man but enjoyed the works of his legacy, Marcy Playground. 

A tan hand wormed its way between me and Bruce, snatching a handful of banana slices and disappeared just as swiftly. “Tonyyy,” Bruce groaned, picking up another banana to replace the stolen pieces.

The spatula in my hand became a weapon as I blindly aimed at the target behind my back. A loud “ow” indicated I hit it. When I turned around, Tony was clutching the side of his face, a hurt look in his eyes and cheeks stuffed full of stolen goods. I stared him square in the face, absolutely refusing to acknowledge the fact that he was shirtless - the arc reactor glowed brightly in the middle of his toned chest. Fuck.

His chest was honestly what I was aiming for. I constantly kept forgetting how short he actually was. There was this one time when Tony had to put his arms around me to steady a piece of tech - he felt huge, hard and enormous around me. 

“What’s that for, Princess?” He finally chewed through his food and found his voice.

“For being a Tony,” I retorted. “Stay away from my workspace and wait for your breakfast like everybody else.”

“Hey! This is my kitchen,” He whined immediately, like the adult man that he was. I nearly cried from how adorable his face became, eyebrows scrunched up. “I don’t want to wait! And why does he,” Tony’s finger accusingly pointed at Bruce, “Get the bananas?!”

“Because he’s Brucie-bear,” I stuck my nose up in the air when Bruce’s arm wrapped around my waist. “He’s my science father,” I stuck my tongue out at Tony, seeing Bruce’s triumphant smile. Banner used every opportunity to get back at Tony’s incessant sass. 

The gleaming in Tony’s eyes should have alarmed me. “But he’s not your science daddy,” Tony’s flirting was accompanied by a salacious eyebrow wiggle and Peter’s screech of “OH MY GOD!" 

It took me every ounce of willpower to not flush. It was one of those rare times that I was at a complete loss of words. Thinking on the spot, I gave a very meaningful look to Bruce - thankfully, he got the gist and returned an equally filthy smirk back. Tony gaped.

"Is this how they are in the lab?” The Captain’s quiet voice leaked horrified amusement.

“All.The.Time.” Peter’s resonating groan was followed by Romanoff’s laughter.

We went up to the lab after breakfast. Thankfully Tony stopped his dramatic bitching when I served him my pancakes, scarfing them down much like everybody else. So me and Pete were accompanied by one (1) happy engineer, all three of us tinkering away on a robot that we were supposed to present in our science class in a month. The focus that was required to solder was immense and our usual banter was missing, replaced by an occasional request for a specific tool or a water bottle.

It took a few hours to get the dirty job done even with Tony’s help (technically he wasn’t supposed to but neither me nor Pete had the heart to forbid him from it when the man looked so content and happy soldering away). By the time I uncurled from my spot on the bench, my back was in knots and my dress had oil stains and holes all over it. I immediately went to the nearest water bottle, finishing half of it in seconds, picking up my phone to see if I had any important messages from my mother.

None.

Just a message from Bruce.

I tapped on my phone, idly scrolling through the Instagram app, liking some pictures of people I barely knew and keeping up a general appearance of being very busy. When the ringtone started playing, it took me a whole five seconds to understand it was, in fact, coming from my phone - I certainly wouldn’t put something so… Outrageous as my main tone.

Banner had discovered the power of the internet. You Can Be The Boss played loudly, and it played from my phone and Bruce was calling me. I picked it up, turning around, fighting the incoming laughter. “Yes, Brucie?" 

To say that Tony’s and Peter’s faces were scandalised was nothing. The boy’s face was such a deep shade of red, I started worrying about his blood pressure and Tony’s mouth hung open limply, like he was witnessing the second coming of Christ. 

"Is Tony sufficiently traumatized?” Judging by the breathless tone of his voice, Banner was resisting a mighty laughing fit of his own.

“Oh, absolutely,” I happily chirped.

“Good, keep it up. Come to my lab before you leave,” Banner snorted and then, realising what he’d done, promptly hung up, the tell-tale beginning of a giggle fit abruptly interrupted by a dial tone.

I put the phone in my bag, gathering the rest of my things with a look somewhere between innocence and indifference. At least, I hoped it was - my mind kept jumping between the engineer’s ridiculously scandalised face and the way his mouth went slack, lips moist and soft and plush. That’s a very dangerous trail.

A very dangerous trail I couldn’t resist exploring in the solitude and privacy of my own bedroom, at home.

[heresathreebee]

A Real Date

[Ava Starr x Female!Reader] 

Summary: You and Ava trying a dinner date that goes very wrong (just kidding it's actually fine). 

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Word count: 1.8k words

Warning(s): 13+ | no-snap au, post-Ant Man and the Wasp, swearing, internalized homophobia(?), I think I’m working through something here this might be a little personal (sorry in advance), past relationship angst, presumed past of dating multiple genders but there is no definitive sexuality established for reader in the present, this was going to be something else but the story took over and I had to roll with it. 

Author's note: no-snap au, post-Ant Man and the Wasp. I’m sorry I do not edit anymore, it only serves to stand in my way. This is part 3 of Ava Starr series beginning with Strawberry Soda. Art by Artmilla on DeviantArt (correct me if I’m wrong please)

It's important to note that not everything you see in media is the hegemonic truth. Take sapphic dating rituals for example: in media it’s a constant joke about how fast people move in together and own pets and plants like they were soulmates and always meant to be together. Which is nice to see– it’s not meant to be a cruel joke– but it does paint a picture of perfection. It doesn’t explicitly state whether your future wife is your first or fiftieth girlfriend but it sure as shit might lead you to believe every girl might be your last. 

Real people don’t work that way. Real people have different interests, different lives, different traumas, different styles and needs. Every relationship is new and it has to be done deliberately and with care for what you and your partner want. So when you think about your relationship with Ava you can’t help but feel a little guilty. 

Ava seems to like to take things slow. Your relationship prioritizes quality time over physical touch which you're fine with, but you can’t help it if you compare the details to other people you’ve dated. You’ve known each other for three months and in every other relationship by this time, you and your previous partners had hit a ton of milestones that you and Ava had just… not. So when you bring up the prospect of a ‘real date’ to Ava one night while cooking pasta in your kitchen, Ava chuckles. 

“And what exactly constitutes as a ‘real date?’” 

The television is playing some daytime television game show and the volume’s on low. You pass her the salt and take a swig from your beer with a shrug. Already you feel silly for bringing it up. 

“Dinner. A movie. Sometimes both, I guess,” you say, flustered. 

Ava raises an eyebrow at the softening bowtie noodles in the pot. “We’re having dinner right now…? Name one time we haven’t come back to your place to watch a movie.” 

“The time the power went out and we played jenga by candlelight. But I– I mean like a date outside of the house.”

“We go to out to parks, the antique mall, lunch, the arcade–” 

“Well, yeah I guess you’re right I just don’t know I still feel like–”  

“Again, how is any of it different from a ‘real date?’” 

“I don’t know! Just… just forget it.” you’re trying not to be bitter about it but you don’t even know what you mean so how could you explain it? 

Ava calls your name softly and you already feel hot shame lick up your neck when you see her face. “I didn’t mean it like that, I– I just don’t think I understand what you mean and I want to! Honestly…” 

You sigh and lean closer to her, careful not to touch but you want her to know you’re not mad. “No, I’m sorry. I just… I’ve been stuck on it for a week but I can’t seem to figure out why. Everything you’re saying I agree with but there’s still this nagging voice in my head telling me it’s not fair or I’m doing it wrong but I don’t know what it even is and I–” 

You collapse onto the kitchen floor breathless. What the fuck were you even saying? Why was this bothering you so much? What ‘s different about this relationship than any other relationship you’ve already had? Your eyes are darting back and forth and your head is a million miles away. You keep talking as if saying it out loud will make your impulsive and intrusive thoughts and motivations clearer to you. 

“It’s out of order. No, it’s not but it’s… with Jordan and Becky and Hal, I went on three dates before it felt normal. We did the traditional getting to know you stuff. Damien and Palavi were straight physical– not traditional at all but that still felt good enough somehow. And– and it’s not that I don’t believe what we have isn’t real, I just–

“Fuck, I don’t know! It feels a little like my relationship with Kat.” You can’t believe it but then the words were out there. You had never told anybody about Kat– Ava was still learning about the rest of them– but the instant those words left your mouth you regretted them. Ava was not Kat. 

For instance, Ava slipped down to sit beside you on the floor– Kat would never lower herself to meet your eye. Ava looked at you and she saw you– Kat chose to ignore your feelings whenever it became more convenient to do so. Kat made you feel special and yet not special enough– OK maybe they shared a little bit of that. A tiny, micro piece of that. 

“What was Kat like?” She said the words softly and without an ounce of jealousy. 

You gather your mind with a deep breath. “Dating Kat was like being strapped to a rocket. It was like being a part of something bigger and stronger than me. Being with her made me feel inconsequential and sometimes I liked that, but then… then I realized I was just a dirty little secret. Kat liked me because I was convenient to her, not because she actually cared about me. 

“When we talked or hung out, it had to be on her terms. No public, no friends or family, no social media. No one was allowed to know. She passed it off as just wanting me for herself but after she dumped me for something better I realized she never saw me as her equal. And it just… I was already in a dark place and that place just kind of got a whole lot darker after that. I felt especially not special.” 

You lean back and rest your head on the cabinet under the sink. “I know that’s not you. Maybe I’m just tired of feeling like I have to hide a part of myself. I did a lot of stupid things in the public eye with Palavi, maybe part of that was because I was proud of who I am and I wanted everyone to know it?” 

“I think I care too much about what other people think of me,” you said closing your eyes. 

You didn’t expect to feel Ava lean her head against your shoulder but you don’t pull away. God, you could never pull away even as you worry she may be causing herself harm just to comfort you and your rambling. Her hair tickles a bit and smells like strawberries and lavender. 

Ava lifted her head after a moment. “Let’s go on a real date then.” 

~

Why the fuck were you so nervous? This was your idea! You had trouble picking a restaurant and picking a day and picking your clothes out and picking where to sit. So many choices with so much meaning or none at all. You just need this to be perfect because you hoped maybe this is what you need to stop that nagging in your head. 

You made the call to meet each other there. You made the suggestion that it had to be somewhere nice– as in get dressed up nice. And darling, sweet, patient Ava let you have the control you so desperately needed. She offered suggestions here and there, and it helped you narrow everything down to a science. You feel a little self conscious sitting by yourself in your get up but you knew she'd be there on time. 

It's just a matter of whether or not you could sit still for five more minutes. 

You hold the cloth napkin in your palms to try and soak up the sweat. Forcing yourself to sit unnaturally still and you haven't touched your wine because you just know you'll get it everywhere somehow. Your eyes trace over the table to stop yourself from meeting the eyes of other patrons. Do nothing, wait it out. 

Ava is stunning and you don't know she's there until the wait staff places the dinner menus in front of you. So much for pulling out her chair like you wanted to– but she's here and you break out into a big smile. 

"You look amazing," you tell her. 

Ava smiles and takes a sip of the rosé you ordered. The dim lighting in the room seems to soften the contours of her face but never the sharpness of her bright eyes. Something blossoms inside you and you feel it– that thing that's been bothering you like a knot in your stomach turns into a seed and its flowering now. This is your girlfriend. Not your friend who is a girl– your significant other. She's important to you and she has decided that she feels the same way about you. 

You feel your body unwind, reaching across the table like you might touch her hand then stop an inch from her empty plate. She watches you curiously but without fear. After a beat, it's Ava who finishes the contact. She slips her hand into yours and you are delighted to discover she's not a corporeal being you've convinced yourself is real. Her skin is a little dry around the palm and she has calluses you never knew were there and she's real and this is happening. 

You resist the urge to squeeze her fingers. Let her lead. Trust her to move away if she experiences any pain. She looks away from you with a flustered face you've never seen her wear and takes another draft of her wine. 

"This is nice," she says softly. 

You eat off each others' plates and you laugh together, and if anyone's watching you wouldn't know because for once you couldn't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks. You're with your person, for now or forever doesn't matter because she's letting you hold her hand and talk about a play you want to take her to on Saturday. Your heart flutters in your chest the whole way home and it’s not until you’re standing at your front door does her hand finally slip from yours. The feeling lingers though and your face hurts from smiling. 

“This everything you wanted,” she asked. 

“Yes,” you reply, “yes it was. Thank you for indulging me, it’s exactly what I needed.” 

“I enjoyed it too.” She steps closer, seemingly reluctant to leave just yet. “We’re still going to see Rocky Horror Picture Show, right?” 

“Absolutely,” you beam, “trust me, you’re gonna love it, it’s wild.” You blow her a kiss to send her on her way and spend the next hour giggling to yourself until you finally pass out from exhaustion.

[atsunflower]

Rated: SFW

Author notes: fucking finally, I'd say. Sorry it took me so long to post it after I decided to revamp this series. Here goes my belated 300 special med student!Kuroo. Please note that this is written based on the med school model we have here, in wich we get the MD degree right away, without the pre-med division they have in USA.

PS: DAI¹ stands for diffuse axonal injury, a type of brain damage caused by violent shakes (acceleration/deceleration/shaken baby syndrome) of the head. No worries, banging your head against a hard surface isn't supposed to give you it. If you get confused by any medical terms, pls hmu!!

Warnings: me trying to be funny. Cursing (reader swears like a sailor here).

I – Lehninger principles of biochemistry

Previous || Next

Your head was throbbing. The professor's voice dragging through your ears made the discomfort you felt even bigger.

The first class of the day have barely started and you were already regretting leaving your bed.

You let out a shuddering breath while your fingers found their way to your temples. You massaged the area, trying to ease the headache.

"You look like shit" the voice came from your right. Shirabu gave you a sideways glance before going back to his notes. "Let me guess, your neighbor again?"

"Yeah, the bastard was up all the night. I still can hear his bed pounding into the wall and the girl trying to muffle her voice" You groaned.

"Ew. Gross" The blonde's face contorted in a grimace "Am I the only one weirded by the fact you never saw the guy?" He asked frowning.

"Hell, no. But I don't think I wanna meet him anytime soon." Your reply was earn; you wouldn't know how to react if you ever saw the said man. "Besides, the guy has this strange schedule. He leaves early in the morning and comes back late at night, it's kinda weird"

"Weird is the way you know him so well and never saw him before" You ignored your him and turned your attention back to the professor. Twenty minutes into the lecture, the door was open and a raven hair peaked from it, sitting on the desk available in the front row.

You mood automatically got worse just by the sight.

"You're staring" Shirabu's uninterested voice ringed in your ears again "Why don't you admit you have a thing for him already? It would make our lives a thousand times easier"

"I just dislike him. I can't stand that dumbass" You retorted grimacing while scribbling down in your notebook. God, you hated biochemistry.

"Yeah, keep repeating that and someday you'll believe it."

"Why you all keep saying it?" You winced at the high pitch of your whisper "The guy ain't special. He is an asshole, honestly"

"Deep down you only say it because he told you were 'just okay' in our first week of freshmen year" The male gave you a pointed look. "I know it's you just being petty, but it's pretty obvious you have a crush on him"

"Hell no, I'd rather have the whole Lehninger shoved down my throat" Your classmate scoffed by your side, resuming to his notes.

"By the looks Haruno-sensei is sending in our direction, it's going to happen anytime soon."

"For this term, you'll send me an essay about peptides with especial focus on physiologically active ones and their major role on human organism." The professor said, sending a stern glare though the class. "Pay attention to the next slide. It contains a table with the pairs I've assigned for this paper"

What the hecking heck?

Your mind went blank but you still heard Shirabu snickering by your peripheral. For such a stoic man, he was pretty out of character today. That little shit.

"Beware the addressed pairs won't be changed in any circumstances. Don't even bother to try" The woman said as she addressed the whole class a cold glare. Goddammit med school and its goddam professors. "You now can discuss this paper. Remember this essay is worth half the grade"

"Fuck" you cursed as your forehead banged onto the thick textbook.

"Whoa, be careful" The teasing voice made you painfully groan "We don't want this pretty brain of yours getting a DAI¹ before we start this paper"

"It's too early in the morning to deal with you, Kuroo" Your retorted came muffled as you pressed your face even flatter into the book. 

"It's too early in the morning for you be ranting about everything but you don't hear me complaining, kitten" He jabbed at you, laughing it off as mere teasing "Is it fine if we start the paper on this weekend? I gotta volley practice the whole week."

"Sure. Wanna meet up on the public library?" You asked gathering your things, as you turned to Shirabu and saw him cocking an eyebrow at you.

"Fine by me" The male scratched the back of his neck, giving you an awkward glance "Actually, I wanted to ask you phone number" You stiffened "Aw [Surname]-chan, C'mon! You know it's easier."

"But what for? You already have my institutional email"

"You're too formal for your own good, woman" He handed you his phone, nudging the device into your palms "Where do you think this strict act is going to take you?"

You rolled your eyes at him again.

"Actually, Kuroo-san" You made a pause, voicing the words with candour "I want chaos and world domination. But in order to do it, I need to overthrow the dean first" You said while punching the numbers onto the chapped screen of his phone. The ravenette snorted at your reply.

"Oh shit, you're so weird!" And he left out a hyena laugh.

"Way to impress a girl, huh" 

"Only the ones I'm trynna woo" The male smirked when he saw your dumbfounded face.

"Huh? Big words coming from a nerd" You brushed off his provocation. You knew he didn't mean it, but you couldn't prevent your heart to skip a beat.

"Oi, [Name]! What do you mean?"

Surprisingly, the week went smoothly. No Kuroo incidents nor professors bitching over the struggling students.

It was saturday and you were more than ready to spend a whole day inside the library with the ravenette.

Sarcasm? Check.

It wasn't like you hated him. If you were to be honest, it was the other way around — but you would never give Shirabu the taste of being right.

Kuroo just had a special way of getting under your skin. He knew what buttons to push and how to make feel flustered.

You were indeed whipped for him in your first year, but he was an asshole back then — It was kinda comprehensible though: being new to the infamous uni life, freshmen were always seeking acceptance from other people.

Kouhai trying to impress their senpai.

Jocks trying to make a number on the female population.

You trying to grab the attention of that hot guy from welcome ceremony — yes, the one who ended to be the bane of your campus existence.

Yada yada.

But when Kuroo turned you down — without you confessing first, you may add —, your pride was incredibly hurt. You then declared war. Best way to rile up a med student? Make your grades better than theirs.

But of fucking course Kuroo wasn't your regular med student. The competition only provoked meaningless banter — and it annoyed you even more because you couldn't get into his nerves the same way he did to you.

"Oi, [Surname]! You good there?"

"Yeah, yeah, get back to the damn peptides" You definitely despised biochemistry.

You rummaged through the books sprawled over the desk, searching for your Lehninger copy.

"Where the fuck that huge ass book went to?" You murmured, getting ready to go check on your backpack.

Glancing towards your classmate's direction, you spotted it under one of the textbooks he was using, but before you could reach for it, you felt hands gingerly wrapping around your chin, making your eyes lock into his stare.

"What are you doing?" You knew the warmth in your cheeks wasn't being provided by his body temperature.

"Conducting an experiment" He said as you melted under his attentive stare.

"Huh?"

"You know, they say exchanging looks causes an increase on Oxytocin synthesis in hypothalamus" The male smirked when a vein popped on your head, your brain recalled that science paper about the physiology on human and dog interactions. You wanted chaos and world domination — but in order to make it, you had to kill Kuroo first.

"Are you fucking calling me a dog?" You squinted at him, ready to fight. He laughed as your slapped his hands off of your face.

"Oh, come on, it was just a joke. You know the hormone of love doesn't work this way." His hyena laugh made presence as the bibliothecary gave you two a dejected stare.

Just a joke, huh?

For a med student, Kuroo Tetsuro would make a shitty doctor if he didn't know how bad his smile was for your heart.

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[alicemarion]

OUTLAST :  THE  MURKOFF  ACCOUNT  (  PART 2  )   sentence starters !

this  prompt  was  made  using  dialogue  from  issues  #4 ,    #5  and  #6  of  outlast :  the  murkoff  account  by  red  barrels .    feel  free  to  edit  any  of  these  to  make  them  more  suitable !

“  _____  wasn’t  fucking  around  about  disappearing .  ”

“  our  chances  of  finding  a  lead  in  this  are  vanishingly  slim .  ”

“  what  you  got  there ?  ”

“  i  hate  it  when  they  have  families .  ”

“  since  when  did  _____  hurt  women  and  kids ?  ”

“  sorry ,    that  was  in  bad  taste .  ”

“  he’s  been  gone  for  a  while  now .  ”

“  i  saw  him  back  just  last  night .  ”

“  i  saw  him ,     standing  right  over  there .  ”

“  drove  my  dogs  batshit ,    which  is  weird .  ” 

“  they  always  used  to  like  him .  ”

“  _____  said  _____  was  here  last  night .  ”

“  it’d  take  us  days  to  find  him  under  all  this  shit  if  he  was .  ”

“  guess  we  better  get  started  then .  ”

“  it’s  garbage .  ”

“  is  ...    is  some  of  this  garbage  moving ?  ”

“  ants .    the  place  is  infested .  ”

“  what  do  you  mean ?  ”

“  emailed  him  ants .    not  the  strangest  thing  i’ve  seen .  ”

“  these  look  like  passwords .  ”

“  ouch !  ”

“  little  fucker  bit  me .  ”

“  black  ants  don’t  bite .  ”

“  motherfucker !    motherfuckfuckfuck -  ”

“  they’re  all  over  me !    jesus !  ”

“  not  there !    not  there !  ”

“  water !    water !  ”

“  goddammit !    make  room !    i’m  coming  in !  ”

“  fuck  this !  ”

“  it’s  not  working !  ”

“  we  need  fire !  ”

“  take  your  fucking  clothes  off !  ”

“  now  do  me !  ”

“  got  anything  i  could  wear ?  ”

“  nope .  ”

“  what  the  fuck  am  i  gonna  do ?  ”

“  hey ,    that’s  the  same  homeless  guy .  ”

“  that’s  not  possible .  ”

“  i’m  sure  it’s  him .    he’s  following  us .  ”

“  hey !    stop !  ”

“  where’d  you  go  ...   ?  ”

“  you  work  for  _____  ,    don’t  you ?  ”

“  ...    who  are  you ?  ”

“  i  believe  you’ve  heard  of  me .  ”

“  you’ve  been  following  us .  ”

“  what’s  your  name ?  ”

“  yes .    i’ve  been  watching  you .  ”

“  you’ve  got  something  most  running  dog  mercenaries  don’t .  ”

“  i’m  not  a  mercenary .  ”

“  you’ve  got  shame .   you  know  what  you’re  doing  is  wrong .  ”

“  it’s  a  job .  ”

“  but  you’re  somebody  who’d  chase  after  me  ,    despite  the  fact  that  you’re  injured  and  naked .    who  does  that ?  ”

“  ...    i  can’t  stand  not  knowing .  ”

“  tell  me  your  name .  ”

“  i’ve  read  your  files  ,    _____ .  ”

“  six  years  ago  you  leaked  company  files  and  vanished .  ”

“  been  off  the  map  ever  since  ,    encouraging  other  whistleblowers .  ”

“  you’re  trying  to  destroy  _____ .  ”

“  of  course  i  am .  ”

“  they’re  evil .    you  work  for  the  devil .  ”

“  you’re  protecting  _____ ?  ”

“  you’ll  never  find  him .  ”

“  i  couldn’t  tell  you  if  i  knew .  ”

“  willful  ignorance .    i  remember  that .    almost  let  me  sleep  some  nights .  ”

“  how  do  you  sleep ?  ”  

“  how  do  you  justify  working  for  people  you  know  are  evil ?   ”

“  _____  was  a  pebble  in  a  pond .  ”

“  that  is  where  the  real  sickness  spreads .  ”

“  those  are  coordinates .  ”

“  if  you  cannot  look  at  what’s  there  and  not  eat  yourself  hollow  with  shame  ,    you’re  not  human  anymore .  ”

“  i  need  your  help .  ”

“  i  need  somebody  still  inside  _____ .  ”

“  i’m  not  asking  ,    i’m  telling  you .   you’re  going  to  help  me .  ”

“  ...    i  have  to  do  my  job .  ”

“  what  are  you  ...    the  fuck ?!  ”

“  freeze !    i  said  freeze  ,    motherfucker !  ”

“  i’m  leaving .  ”

“  please  don’t  make  me  hurt  you .  ”

“  he’s  ...    a  monster .  ”

“  what  was  he  shoving  in  your  face ?  ”

“  fucked  if  i  know .  ”

“  let’s  get  you  some  clothes  before  i  get  too  turned  on .  ”

“  dental  records .   my  identification .   he  wasn’t  done  with  me .  ”

“  and  we  weren’t  done  with  him .  ”

“  this  make  any  kind  of  sense  to  you ?  ”

“  nothing  i  feel  good  about .  ”

“  but  at  least  it  closes  the  books  for  now .  ”

“  the  evidence  couldn’t  get  any  more  thoroughly  destroyed .  ”

“  there  is  one  more  thing .  ”

“  nothing  i  know  of .  ”

“  i  wouldn’t  put  too  much  faith  in  anything  i  heard  from  an  animated  pile  of  maggots .  ”

“  maybe  we  should  check  it  out .  ”

“  nah  ,    leave  it  alone .  ”

“  you  should  get  home  ,    spend  some  time  with  your  daughter  ...    make  sure  she  doesn’t  grow  up  to  be  somebody  like  me .  ”

“  he  ain’t  gonna  let  us  get  away .  ”

“  every  step  we  take  ,    the  less  power  he  got .  ”

“  we’ll  get  to  the  wicked  part  of  the  world  ,    and  god  hisself  ain’t  even  gonna  be  able  to  find  us .  ”

“  do  you  know  if  yeshua - ha  nostri  was  a  real  person ?   like  ,    in  the  bible ?  ”

“  never  heard  of  him .  ”

“  when’s  that  book  report  due ?  ”

“  you’re  getting  an  early  jump .  ”

“  figured  i’d  be  too  beat  to  work  on  wednesday .  ”

“  you  didn’t  touch  your  dinner .  ”

“  i  wasn’t  hungry .   it’s  not  like  i  need  the  extra  calories .  ”

“  _____  ,    honey  ,    that’s  crazy .  ”

“  you’re  a  string  bean .    a  beautiful  string  bean .  ”

“  shut  up  ,    _____  ,    god  ...    ”

“  there’s  somebody  messing  with  our  mailbox .  ”

“  your  daughter  is  connected .  ”

“  my  partner  and  i  had  agreed  not  to  investigate .  ”

“  turns  out  i  was  lying .  ”

“  i  hear  you  now .    where  are  you ?    it’s  noisy .  ”

“  sorry  to  interrupt  you  on  a  sunday  ...    ”

“  you’re  not  interrupting  anything .  ”

“  i  was  just  ...    folding  laundry  ,    listening  to  prairie  home  companion .  ”

“  i  don’t  think  i’m  gonna  make  it  into  the  office  tomorrow .  ”

“  i  need  to  spend  some  time  with  _____ .  ”

“  no  worries .    we  all  need  personal  time .  ”

“  fuck  me  ...    no  service !  ”

“  i  guess  the  heat  and  the  sun  got  to  me .  ”

“  heavenly  god .  ”

“  _____ ?    what’s  wrong ?  ”

“  are  they  out  of  hot  chocolate ?  ”

“  multiple  perforations  of  the  intestines  ...    spread  throughout  her  blood  ...    had  to  induce  a  coma  in  order  to  arrest  progress  ...    internal  bleeding  ...  ”  

“  surgery  is  no  longer  an  option .  ”    

“  _____  is  dead .    i’m  so  sorry .  ”

“  aiiee !  ”

“  i’m  so  sorry  honey  ,    i  didn’t  mean  ...  ”

“  we  don’t  want  no  trouble !  ”

“  i’m  just  gon’  take  your  pistol .  ”

“  hey  ,    hey  ,    take  it  easy .    jesus  fucking  christ  ...  ”

“  don’t  you  take  that  name  in  vain !  ”

“  safety’s  on .  ”

“  who’s  the  girl ?  ”

“  jesus  ,    how  pregnant  is  she ?  ”

“  god  have  mercy  on  your  soul .  ”

“  i’m  not  going  to  hurt  you .  ”

“  you  need  helllll  ...    ”

“  mmm - hmm .  ”

“  that’s  all  you  got ?    ‘ mmm - hmm ? ’  ”

“  i  heard  you .   it’s  the  least  crazy  thing  you’ve  told  me  so  far .  ”

“  fair  enough .  ”

“  you  are  in  such  deep  shit .  ”

“  i  know .  ”

“  you  lied  to  me  ,    you  went  off  the  reservation .  ”

“  what  the  fuck  are  you  doing  ,    _____ ?  ”

“  i  fucked  up .  ”

“  don’t  fuck  yourself  any  deeper .    i’m  on  my  way .  ”

“  spill .  ”

“  okay  ,    number  one  ,    you  work  for  _____  ,    not  _____ .  ”

“  number  two  ,    you  don’t  interfere  with  ongoing  experiments .  ”

“  we  only  enter  the  equation  when  the  science  is  done  and  the  side  effects  need  mopping  up .  ”

“  shit  ,    you  don’t  even  know  if  this  is  an  experiment .  ”

“  and  number  three  ,    fuck  you .  ”

“  you  don’t  work  without  me .    we’re  partners  ,    you  stupid  motherfucker .  ”

“  sorr  ...    ”

“  don’t  say  you’re  sorry .    i  hate  that .  ”

“  you  want  the  silver  lining  to  your  shit  show ?  ”

“  you  don’t  suppose  you  brought  me  a  suit ?  ”

“  i  even  brought  you  a  tie .    hope  yellow’s  alright .  ”

“  you  called  it  a  ‘ vision ’ .    not  a  hallucination .  ”

“  it  felt  real .  ”

“  first  rule  in  the  playbook  is  don’t  get  high  on  your  own  product .  ”

“  what  about  brain  injury ?  ”

“  the  scan  must  have  been  corrupted .  ”

“  is  there  more  to  your  testimony ?  ”

“  yes  ,    of  course  ,    excuse  me .    i  was  just  ...    ”

“  could  we  see  those  brain  scans ?  ”

“  they’re  already  off  to  the  lab  ,    but  we  have  copies .  ”

“  evidence  ,    all  of  it .    this  had  become  a  matter  of  containment .  ”

“  we’d  love  to  meet  the  patient .  ”

“  the  little  guy  in  here  has  been  kicking  up  a  storm .  ”

“  is  that  a  tattoo ?  ”

“  a  globe .    no  ,    wheels .    ‘ wheels  within  wheels ’ .    that’s  biblical  ,    from  the  book  of  ...    ezekiel .  ”

“  you  can’t  have  him !    you  can’t .    i’ll  die  before  i’ll  let  you  kill  him .  ”

“  i  seen  the  messenger  and  i  know  i  ain’t  burdened  with  the  enemy .  ”

“  my  blood  is  true  ,    i’ve  sipped  at  the  fountain  and  borne  the  pain  and  marks  of  salvation .   ”

“  you  ain’t  gonna  take  my  baby  ,    you  ain’t  ...    ain’t  ...    ”

“  get  a  doctor !  ”

“  doctor !  ”

“  we  lost  her .    we  need  to  leave  ,    now .  ”

“  she’s  dead  ,    gone .    there  was  nothing  we  could  do .  ”    

“  minimal  footprint .  ”

“  i  realized  too  late  i  was  operating  above  my  security  clearance .  ”

“  are  you  sure  she  was  dead ?  ”

“  yeah  ,    case  closed .  ”

“  it’s  sad .  ”

“  still  ,    i  gotta  get  home .    i  said  i’d  be  there .  ”

“  you’re  a  good  dad  ...    you  always  take  care  of  your  girl .  ”

“  _____ !    you  home ?!  ”

“  you  work  for  us  now .  ”

“  we  didn’t  find  dick .  ”

“  there  we  go  ,    my  child .    every  last  drop  of  salvation .    your  children  are  waiting  for  you  in  heaven .  ”

“  god  does  not  pour  half  measures .  ”

“  the  storm  is  abating .    all  these  undeserved  blessings .  ”

“  he’s  still  not  answering .  ”

“  send  people  to  his  house .  ”

“  they’ve  been  feeding  _____  information .  ”

“  that’s  no  good .  ”

“  i’d  put  my  money  on  _____ .  ”

“  if  we  find  him  ,    i’ll  put  electrodes  on  _____ .  ”

“  how  many  bodies  we  looking  at ?  ”

“  hundreds .    it’ll  take  us  days  to  get  them  all  sorted .  ”

“  lot  of  these  local  corpses  show  signs  of  cyanide  poisoning .  ”

“  god  damn  this  guy’s  heavy  ...    ”

“  that  doesn’t  look  like  cyanide .  ”

“  yeah  ,    a  lot  of  them  got  creative  about  dying .  ”

“  took  a  lot  of  what  killed  her  to  get  the  job  done .  ”

“  last  name  sounds  like  a  crustacean  you’re  not  supposed  to  eat .  ”

“  how  did  you  know ?  ”

“  he  was  supposed  to  be  making  sure  they  didn’t  find  this  place .  ”

“  we  got  one  breathing  here !  ”

“  ‘ and  i  only  am  escaped  alone  to  tell  thee . ’  ”

“  is  that  from  wrath  of  khan ?  ”

“  it’s  actually  book  of  job  ,    by  way  of  moby  ...    ”

“  i  know  what  it  is  ,    you  don’t  have  to  try  and  impress  me .  ”

“  well  ,    holy  shit .  ”

“  his  eyes  are  all  pupil .    completely  catatonic .  ”

“  we  need  to  dig  in  his  head .    don’t  be  gentle .  ”

“  they  rarely  are .  ”

“  there’s  blood  on  the  walls .    looks  like  something  was  written  and  smeared  away .  ”

“  what  do  you  want  to  do ?  ”

“  actually  ,    no .    do  me  a  favor  and  find  his  corpse  ,    because  if  he’s  still  alive  ,    he’s  fucking  dangerous .  ”

“  where’s  _____ ?  ”

“  you’re  asking  the  wrong  question .  ”

“  i’ll  still  help  you  find  the  answer  ,    but  you’ll  need  to  trust  me .  ”

“  dead  ,    twice .  ”

“  how  about  you  just  tell  me  whatever  it  is  you  want  to  tell  me .  ”

“  it’s  not  surprising  religion  would  be  such  an  effective  delivery  mechanism .  ”

“  gods  communicating  with  men  ,    gods  dividing  themselves  into  components  that  men  could  understand .    a  trinity .  ”

“  in  the  name  of  the  father  ...    and  of  the  son  ...    and  of  the  holy  spirit .    amen .  ”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #480

“the doomsday clock was made by mankind”

Do you support PETA? No, because they are WAY too extreme. Have you ever lied about your gender? No. Have you ever had escargot? NOOOOOOOO. You couldn't pay me to try that shit. Have you played Breath of the Wild? No; Zelda games aren't my thing. I've watched Game Grumps play it, though. At what venue was the last concert you attended? Idr, somewhere in Raleigh. Who was playing at the last concert you attended? Alice Cooper. Maybe one day I'll have a new answer, lol. Do you have any anniversaries coming up? No. Would you try grapes on a pizza? Holy fuck, ew. Have you ever tried an oyster? How would you describe the experience? Oysters look fucking disgusting. Never. Has anyone ever specifically painted you a painting? Not a painting, no, but I've had drawings made for me. Would you ever want to try pole dancing? Nah. Have you ever had any sort of paranormal experience? Yes. Have you ever gotten something stuck in your skin? (ie: glass shard, gravel) Yeah, like splinters. And graphite. Do any of your grandparents live a nursing home? They're all deceased, but none did. Do you have a USB drive that is shaped like anything unique? No; mine is just a solid hot pink. What country would you like to visit most? South Africa. Whose birthday is closest to today’s date? (someone you know) Girt's birthday is the 10th! Do you know anyone in another country? I have Australian and European friends, yes. Have you ever wanted to be on a game show? Not seriously. Do you believe taking a picture of someone is taking a piece of their soul? Ha, this question makes me think of the quote from SOMA. Anyway, no. Do you have any friends with the same first name as you? No. How many states have you lived in? One. Pancakes or waffles? Waffles, so I can spread peanut butter on them. :') What is the saddest book you’ve ever read? Johnny Got His Gun. ZERO competition. What political cause are you most passionate about? Probably LGBTQ+ rights. Really just equality in general. Have you ever considered having children? The only time I've ever in my life thought I wanted kids was when I was with Jason. Hell, I wanted two or three. Now I'm just like... nah man no thank you. Have you ever considered acting? No. Who was the last person you slept next to? Sara. Do you think you can be in love and still cheat on your S.O.? Ha, no. What is the most embarrassing thing anyone has on video of you? I dunno. Did you ever get lost as a child? Once at the grocery store. A sweet old lady helped me find Mom. Do you know how to play any card games? The very basic ones, and Magic: The Gathering. What are you currently most looking forward to? Mom to feel better so Girt can come over. What is the best television show you’ve ever watched? Hm... Fullmetal Alchemist has a pretty bangin' story. What color are your parents’ eyes? Brown. Are you more dependent or independent? I've very dependent, honestly. Are there any stuffed animals in the room you’re in? Yeah, loads. I have a shelf full of my meerkat collection. Do you love animals? I adore them. I quite frankly don't like anyone who doesn't, because... how. How many people have you kissed in a car? One or two? Who made you mad last? My mom. She said something that just really hurt my feelings. How long was your last shower? It was longer than usual because standing, taking steps to turn, propping my legs up, etc. was fucking excruciating because my feet, ankles, and calves were so swollen. It's so fucking infuriating; in a previous survey I mentioned "oh it's because my body isn't used to getting up and down so much! it's improvement! :D", but no. The swelling was from sitting too long at the desk. My legs are so used to being propped up from being in bed that it caused edema when I was finally sitting. I went back to my fucking bed now because Mom mentioned that it could get extremely dangerous if the fluid buildup got too severe. And of course now that I'm back in bed, the swelling is receding. I can't fucking win. Have you ever had a really bad haircut? Looking back, I think the haircut I had before this current one was pretty bad, but at least it showed me I'd like short hair on myself. What’s your favorite DIY crafts YouTube channel? I don't watch DIY. What would be the best surprise you could receive right now? At this moment, just give me the magic answer to losing all this fucking weight and getting in shape and being happy. Do you usually forgive when someone hurts your or try to get revenge? I forgive too much. Were there any subjects in school that were really easy for you? English and most science. Did you ever skip a grade or get held back a grade? No. Was your first car used or new? I haven't had my own car yet. How often do you watch the news? Never. Do you have a fan in your room? I have two. Have you ever hatched an egg? In elementary school, as a class. It was a chick. :') I think it was in kindergarten? Would you like to go to a fortune teller? No, because I wouldn't support them spouting bullshit and lying to people. Do you chew gum on a daily basis? No. I've actually been craving gum for a long time now... For each person you’ve kissed, describe your feelings in one word: My feelings towards them? Jason: Remorseful. Tyler: Eye roll. Sara: thankful. Girt: love. Do you have “friends” that you actually hate? That's some juvenile shit. No. Would you rather get [another] tattoo or piercing? Gimme both, but if I had to pick, a tattoo. If you’re dating someone, how long has it been? It's been just shy of a month Feels a lot longer. If you’re a girl, have you ever had the urge shave your hair? Not shave my entire head, no. Do you live by a forest? Not anymore. :/ Do your parents drink? My dad is a recovered alcoholic, so he doesn't touch it anymore. Mom only drinks lightly for special occasions. Does downloading music without paying make you feel guilty? Yes, and yet I do it anyway. :x Does your house have air conditioning? Yes. What do you believe in more: Ghosts or demons? Ghosts. I don't believe in demons. Do you think they’re making too big of a deal over Michael Jackson’s death? Old survey is old, but no, not really. He was an absolute pop icon that was deeply loved by millions and millions and inspired the genre deeply. I wasn't even a big fan and yet I felt for those who were. French fries or onion rings? The former. I don't like onion rings. Favorite healthy snack? Um. I suppose apple slices w/ peanut butter, especially lately. Or strawberries. ]If you see a bee in your house... are you going to kill it? Bees honestly scare me, so I'm not touching it. Mom will have to get it, and I know she would kill it. Would you feel funny if you kissed somebody of the same sex? Done it before, and it didn't feel weird. If your best friend grabs your hand, what do you automatically do? I'd look at her and ask what's wrong. What’s something you can cook or bake like a pro? Nothing. Do you tend to flirt a lot, even when the person isn’t single? No, especially if the person is taken. Can grills be sexy on a guy? Grills are unattractive on everyone. Have you ever flown first class? Ha, yeah right. Are you the type of person who can shake insults off easily, or do they tend to stick around in your brain & bother you? They stick around for years upon years. Some I think I'll never forget.

[ryttu3k]

Part 2 of my season 12 reaction posts! Find part 1 (Resolution of the Daleks to Fugitive of the Judoon) here!

Praxeus

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Praxeus!

OKAY FIRST. THANK YOU, SHOW, FOR FIXING A BIG ISSUE I HAD WITH THE FIRST SEASON. So they were doing a thing where they’d introduce incidentally queer characters, have a female character mention her wife, stuff like that, only for them to die. This episode had Jake and Adam, married/separated/it’s complicated couple, who face huge amounts of danger, who both come close to dying, but who survive! And have a Big Damn Kiss! And walk off together holding hands! They survived!!

Plotwise, I enjoyed it a ton while watching, although in retrospect it did feel a bit free of danger. The companions were never in true peril because the Doctor can home in on them automatically, and we never got the true scale of the risk of infection, since the only people we saw get infected were in isolated areas. I would have liked to see, for instance, the threat of Praxeus spreading beyond just the very Hitchcockian birds; all of the peril was on an individual level.

Good message, if unsubtle. Mind you, that’s kind of Doctor Who’s thing, and it pisses off conservatives, so all for it, really XD (They must have loved the core relationship in this episode, too!) Like. Subtle doesn’t work. There are literally climate change deniers that exist. Sometimes you actually do have to tell a message with all the finesse of a sledgehammer because .

(Side note, I was deeply concerned when I saw the cowriter was the guy who did the hot mess that was Kerblam!, so at least this was just an unsubtle and kind of questionably written story instead of an actively harmful one.)

The companions: Ryan seems a fair bit more confident on his own? His initial scenes with Gabriela showed that he’s starting to work well even without backup, and picking up the bird proved to be a damn good call. Yaz and Graham were a fun pair, and Yaz got a lot to do when she and Gabriela (again!) got to explore, and I can definitely understand the conflict between curiosity/doing what’s right and safety when it came to the teleport scene. She does seem to be bordering on the reckless. Intriguing!

Minor plot snag - Graham knows how to set up an IV, presumably because of the shitload of time he spent in hospital! …And yet he doesn’t know what a pathogen is?

Friend note!

“fun fact about graham seemingly not knowing what a pathogen is! in my reading of the scene, i saw it as graham knowing what one was. with "Well, I’m glad you asked that…!” he seems like he’s actually sort of pleased with himself, like he’s about to launch into an explanation, and then IIRC there’s a very brief shot at Ryan giving him a Look and Graham immediately changes tone to “…cause I didn’t want to look stupid.” he immediately changes from boosting his own ego to bolstering ryans and im love"

In which case, good shit gooood shit.

SFX - the infection was creepy as shit. The very obviously puppet bird near the lab was hilariously bad.

Apparently the filming was tricky because it was super windy so all the shorts of Thirteen with her hair Like That weren’t planned, it just kind of happened. Love a fluffy ruffled Thirteen.

So anyway. People calling for more plot focus - literally this is the Doctor trying to distract herself and not focus on the plot! This is her avoidance tactic! Emotional honesty? Who’s she? She’ll get back to it eventually, but for now she needs a distraction after being punched in the emotions. Give her that for one episode, c'mon.

Ryan: “…I do a lot of running.”

Graham: “Whatever is giving off those weird readings… is on the other side of that wall!” Yaz: *silently turns scanner around* Graham, not skipping a beat: “…is on the other side of that door!”

Yaz: “I don’t want you to panic, but… we followed one of those things through a teleport and now I think we’re on an alien planet.” Thirteen: “…well, you don’t do things by halves!”

Thirteen: “That’s why you smell of dead bird! I thought you’d changed your shower gel.”

Thirteen: “I’m having half a thought. Ooh, this one tickles!”

Thirteen: “What can I say? I’m a romantic~”

In conclusion, Doctor Who said gay rights.

-

Can You Hear Me?

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Can You Hear Me?

Trigger warning for discussion of depression and suicide.

You know you're in for a wild ride when iView warns for horror themes instead of science fiction themes.

Overall: at first impression, it felt sort of mashed together? There's 14th century Aleppo, and there's 21st century Sheffield, and there's a deep space station, and there's creepy monsters and dream villains; I do kind of wonder why Zellin targeted a random girl in Aleppo as source for his pet monster, although targeting people like Ryan's best friend makes sense if he's deliberately trying to lure the Doctor to him.

The theme, on the other hand, of mental health resiliance and reaching out, was done incredibly well. Oh yeah there'll be more comments about it - the Guardian described it as 'adventures in Wokeness' - but damn, sometimes you need to hear it. I loved getting more of Yaz' backstory, about being a desperate teenage runaway at the point of being suicidal, and her reunion with the older woman legitimately made me tear up.

But like, goddamn. Her nightmare - she's still hearing that. She's still hearing her sister saying that she should "do it right this time" and that this time she won't call and that no one is coming and holy fuck. God this makes so many of Yaz' scenes incredibly painful in retrospect, knowing that she was at that point only three years before and that she's still dreaming that shit! It makes her recklessness terrifying!

Ryan's nightmare, and his experience with Tibo - it's quite reflective of the Doctor, too. She wasn't there, and Gallifrey burnt. And Ryan is realising this now, and really thinking about the potential future in Orphan 55. I think this is absolutely foreshadowing Ryan leaving at the end of the season (there's been a lot of speculation given Tosin's new TV role), and I think Ryan and Yaz' discussion at the end of the episode was a definite hint in the direction of Ryan choosing to going back to Earth.

Would have really liked Graham, during his talk with the Doctor, to gently remind her that she can talk about her own problems, although I can understand the narrative choice on why she didn't (although, yeah, would have been good for Graham to ask). Because, yeah, if anyone needs a sympathetic ear (...sans fingers) or a shoulder to lean on, it's her!! The entire theme of this episode was like... reaching out. Conquering your fears with the help of others. Sharing your fears to lessen them. Getting help. And the Doctor deliberately... not doing that makes it into an actual Thing that I think is going to seriously be addressed by the end of the season.

It's been such an ongoing theme. A bunch of episodes have started with an obviously depressed Doctor. The Fam has tried to raise the issue multiple times and have discussed it amongst themselves even more. Scenes like Yaz' reaction after being abducted in Spyfall (...which makes her, "I thought I was dead" part even more worrying) and being comforted by Ryan, not the Doctor... her whole reaction to Graham being like, "I'm glad you talked to me but I literally can't do the same in return" - if it's not addressed by the end of this season, it's at least going to have to be an ongoing theme, because it's becoming very deliberate now.

An interesting note: the actor who played Zellin (an immortal manipulator of nightmares) also voiced the Remnants (who were the first to mention the Timeless Child in The Ghost Monument). Coincidence or deliberate?

Assorted thoughts:

"I'm still quite socially awkward." There's socially awkward and there's emotionally repressed... (I saw a description of it on Tumblr as 'weaponised dissociation' and... yeah. And also yikes.) Also the way she was so closed in on herself, basically hugging her arms to her body! On a semi-related note, talking to herself in Aleppo was a bit depressing. Like it's continuing the theme of The Doctor Does Not Like Being Alone.

The finger thing - ew ew ew ew it's in their EARS ewww D:

Stylistic comment: the traditionally-styled animation for the Immortals' game was gorgeous.

"Try not freak out, yeah, but you're on a floating space platform trapped in a gravitational pull between two colliding planets."

"Thanks for lending a helping hand!" Companions just being, "...Doctor p l s."

On an old lore note, loved the callback to Eternals, Guardians, and the Toymaker! On a concerning note, man, the Doctor has so many issues with immortals. They abandoned Jack, there was the punishment they gave the Family of Blood, they had those Issues with Ashildr (from what I've read), now this, an eternal punishment with no chance of redemption, perhaps because she knows what immortality does? Parallels with the Doctor as quasi-immortal too, which Zellin even pointed out.

"You're wrong about humans. They're not pathetic. They're magnificent. They live with their fears, doubts, guilt. They face them down everyday and they prevail. That's not weakness. That's strength. That's what humanity is."

(Contrast: "That's what humanity is." The Doctor isn't human. She's not prevailing against her fears, doubts, and guilt.)

In conclusion, literally everyone but the creepy immortals needs a hug.

-

The Haunting of Villa Diodati

Thoughts on Doctor Who - The Haunting Of Villa Diodati!

tfw you think you're just going to get a nice spoopy historical and instead get major plot?

Overall impression: Well, Jack is going to be pretty miffed, given that the Doctor had to do precisely what he didn't want to happen - giving the Lone Cyberman what it wanted. To save Shelley, and also to save the future, although that does bring up the question on if the death of one person can rewrite the future, why doesn't that apply to literally everyone? Fletcher the valet and Elise the nurse died too, do their deaths have the same impact? Either way, the Doctor takes the Cyberium for herself - then realises that the Cybermen are inevitable, and returns it. And now she's trying to go and stop them. So... a bit conflicting in the message there, I think.

Yeah. Bit of a Trolley Problem there.

The characters were really fun. I did enjoy seeing Mary's sense of morbidness, but also her kindness and sympathy towards the Cyberman; you can see the foundations of Frankenstein there. I'm seeing some criticism of how Byron was portrayed as a coward, but eh. Nice little callback to Ada. Also I love how one of the rules was 'no one snog Byron'. Put that dirty boy back, you don't know where he's been! Glad Claire realised that too, although historically, she was already pregnant with his daughter at that point (and that didn't go well at all)... Either way. Good display of all these bright young reckless things.

(And yes, they were young. Byron was the eldest at 28. Shelley was 23, Polidori was 20, Mary and Claire were just 18. And while Claire lived to 80 and Mary to her 50s, the three men all died young, too - Byron at 36, Shelley at 29 - yes, from drowning, Polidori at just 25. Also wasn't mentioned that Polidori also created something on that Dark And Stormy Night along with Mary's Frankenstein - he wrote The Vampyre, the first modern vampire story!)

The Lone Cyberman (and I am deliberately using that instead of 'Ashad') - creepy as shit. Not just the whole Frankenstein look, but the way he acted! Not emotionless and blank, but actively manipulative and sadistic! Mary showed empathy and he actively threw it back in her face! I mean, yikes.

House was terrific and also spooky as hell. (Am lowkey miffed that no one went "VIBE CHECK!") The jumbled layout was quite Castrovalva, and I actually really dig that Graham got to see some actual ghosts. Ghostly sandwiches!

I think we got actual confirmation here that Yaz does have feelings for the Doctor? (Bleeding Cool News is pretty sure that it was for Ryan, but... lmao no.) BBCA twitter certainly thinks so!

Claire: "His answers only increase the enigma." Yaz: "I know someone like that." Claire: "This enigmatic person of yours... would you trade them for reliable and dull?" Yaz: "My person's a bit different..."

I MEAN.

(It got deleted. So. There is that.)

Thirteen: "Hmm. Fourteenth... no. Fifteenth century... touch more umami." (Doctor, have you been playing Detroit: Become Human again?)

Mary: "I don't think they're really from the colonies!" Byron: "No, she... is from somewhere much, much stranger." Polidori: "The North."

Thirteen: "YOU HAD ONE JOB."

Cyberman: "You appear courageous. But your vital signs betray a heightened state of anxiety." Thirteen: "Or as I like to call it... Tuesday."

Thirteen: "Yeah, 'cause sometimes this team structure isn't flat. It's mountainous, with me at the summit, in the stratosphere, alone. Left to choose. Save the poet, save the universe. Watch people burn now, or tomorrow. Sometimes even I can't win."

Claire: "You pursued Mrs Doctor without a care for my presence, belittled my thoughts and opinions... and then proceeded to use my person as a human shield." Byron: "...And?" Claire: "And the spell is broken... my lord." Polidori's face: "haha you fucked up dude"

Next week: Shit Hits The Fan.

-

Ascension of the Cybermen

In lieu of a proper post for Ascension of the Cybermen, here are a list of questions we need an answer for.

Will Graham and Yaz survive, on a giant carrier full of Cybermen?

Who is Brendan, and what is his relevance to the story?

What is the Boundary?

How is Gallifrey in the Boundary?

How was the Master in Gallifrey, and not trapped by the Kasaavin?

Who is Ko Sharmus and why am I getting Yana vibes?

Who is Ashad and what is his story? (And why is his theme such a literal banger?)

Is he an actual Cyberman? Because I'm totally getting this impression he's human in armour?

How did Brendan survive being shot, and why did his non-ageing father and mentor do that?

Why did it look like a chameleon arch?

Is Ethan's tech-savvy just warzone familiarity or something more sinister?

Are there any other large human populations left?

Was I detecting a hint of romantic tension between Graham and Ravio?

What's up with Yaz?

Why did the Cyberium get sent to that time period?

Who or what is this alliance Jack is a part of?

How do the Time Lords and the lie of the Timeless Child come into it?

WHO THE FUCK IS BRENDAN?

-

The Timeless Children

WELL THEN.

While I gather proper thoughts on The Timeless Children, here are the questions I had from Ascension of the Cybermen, now with answers!

Will Graham and Yaz survive, on a giant carrier full of Cybermen?

Yup! Disguises for the win!

Who is Brendan, and what is his relevance to the story?

Brendan is a filtered overlay memory of one of the Doctor's former lives.

What is the Boundary?

An anomaly, as far as I can tell.

How is Gallifrey in the Boundary?

No idea!

How was the Master in Gallifrey, and not trapped by the Kasaavin?

No idea!

Who is Ko Sharmus and why am I getting Yana vibes?

A big damn hero.

Who is Ashad and what is his story? (And why is his theme such a literal banger?)

We're still not actually sure. Either way, he's an action figure now.

Is he an actual Cyberman? Because I'm totally getting this impression he's human in armour?

Yeah, sort of.

How did Brendan survive being shot, and why did his non-ageing father and mentor do that?

Because Time Lords.

Why did it look like a chameleon arch?

It's probably related technology! If the chameleon arch rewrites memories, this one just wipes them.

Is Ethan's tech-savvy just warzone familiarity or something more sinister?

Just warzone familiarity. Poor li'l bean.

Are there any other large human populations left?

Possibly! If the Boundary really did send them to random places, there still could be surviving pockets elsewhere in the universe.

Was I detecting a hint of romantic tension between Graham and Ravio?

Maybe a bit XD And now they're all on Earth, who knows?

What's up with Yaz?

Who knows?

Why did the Cyberium get sent to that time period?

Ko Sharmus sent it. Didn't send it far enough.

Who or what is this alliance Jack is a part of?

Same organisation Ko Sharmus is part of. Also, young!Ko Sharmus/Jack please.

How do the Time Lords and the lie of the Timeless Child come into it?

In so many ways.

WHO THE FUCK IS BRENDAN?

The Doctor!

More thoughts later!

-

Thoughts on Doctor Who - The Timeless Children.

...Actually, first thought is the title. Timeless Children? Hmm.

Anyway. That is... sure a literally mind-blowing revelation for the Doctor, yes! Like, damn, the discovery that you're not even the species you thought you were, that your adoptive parent spent lifetimes abusing and experimenting on you, that your memories were routinely erased by people you thought you could trust (including your adoptive parent), that you're literally the progenitor for your entire species, that you've lost who knows how much time and who knows how many memories... yeah. Damn.

What's an appropriate birthday present for someone turning ten million?

Also, huh. Amidst all the old lore and casual mentions (like Borusa!) that got mentioned - were they taking hints from the Cartmel master plan? About the Doctor being some kind of founding figure for Gallifrey? Not exactly written as Cartmel had it, but that big main concept of the Doctor as a sort of... foundation piece of Time Lord culture was still actually there.

Brain of Morbius Doctors confirmed, I guess. I guess even Four was going, "...the fuck?"

Cybermen = still scary. Regenerating Cybermen = felt somehow obscene. Like, no, that's just fundamentally not right. Like the TARDIS responding to Jack by noping the fuck out kind of not right. God. And the Master was completely and utterly magnificently batshit, like, more than usual, come on, dude, you know they'd kill or convert you the second you turned your back.

Still. Deeply, deeply entertaining to watch just from a villain perspective, completely Chaotic, and like... I do understand where he was coming from? His entire life is a lie. His entire life is because of the Doctor, who, I think it's fair to say, he has Complicated Feelings regarding. (Their entire interaction this episode was a giant power play. Like damn guys just get into BDSM and leave the would-be genocide and universal takeover.)

Tecteun = Rassilon, I'm assuming. Goddamn. Like they were a pompous abusive asshole from the outset, this just kind of makes it worse. I also wonder if Rassilon chose the Master specifically to get the drums because he was friends with the Doctor? That actually may have been something the Master worked out himself, too. I mean, I'd be pissed off as well :-\

Also, how many people know about this? I assume Gat knew, since she was implied to be responsible for the mind wipes, but was it like... a super tightly-held secret or was it something a lot of higher-ups knew? Because that's fucked up tbh

Thought on the Master. Okay, he's hugely furious that he's been lied to, that the entire origin of his people is based on a lie, that his greatest friendrivalloveenemy is incredibly special and that a part of her is in him and not in the fun way, but like... I'm also wondering if he's looking at the Time Lords, the way they turned him into their puppet, how they drove him insane for their own purposes, then looked at the Doctor - someone who has also been used, abused, experimented on, manipulated, controlled, and went, "No. This is an injustice and the Time Lords need to be punished for it."

Oh, saw a nice theory regarding the TARDISes - Ruth!Doctor had the original busted police box TARDIS. When she was eventually taken in to be mind-erased, they sent the TARDIS off to storage to be eventually repaired. The Doctor manages to steal that one, goes to Earth, and it immediately gets stuck again because it's still broken. Explains how Ruth!Doctor can have the police box while also being pre-everything.

I really want the Doctor and Jack to sit down and have a nice chat about being timeless undying constants of the universe. Also for Jack to get one of the spare TARDISes around. Be kinda funny if he got the Master's old one, given the Year That Never Was, but it really is just sitting there. (Poor TARDIS stuck as a tree on a random wartorn planet in the far future, though!)

Also, Jodie was fucking magnificent in this episode. The hurt, the absolute fury, the almost glee when she's telling the Master he can't break her, her refusal to press the button at the end (so much like Nine's "coward or killer?" moment!)... just... so good.

Beautiful post I saw here on Tumblr - the Doctor as the Timeless Child, making the choice to help.

Amazing post here on Tumblr about abuse and repressed memories. Even if the Doctor doesn't remember it all, the abuse they underwent at the hands of a beloved parent figure still informs a hell of a lot of their behaviour, but it doesn't define them. The Doctor's need to run = informed by abuse. The Doctor's desire to help crying children = informed by abuse. The Doctor being an inherently good person = being their own person, no matter what their upbringing, no matter what their past was. They made the choice to be the Doctor, and that's a hell of an important thing.

Extremely painful post I saw on Tumblr about the Doctor being 'hip with the kids' by calling her companions her Fam but hell if they're not more family to her than her actual adoptive mother ow my heart.

Also, the scene between Yaz and Graham was so sweet <3 I do want to see Yaz, at some point, admit that sometimes she's so terrified she can barely move, and to tell him what she came so close to doing when she was sixteen, and Graham to just go, "Yeah, but you keep going." Also I'm trying not to think about how Yaz would respond to the Doctor going off on a suicide mission when Yaz was suicidal just three years earlier because ow my heart. She knows that Ko Sharmus went after her, she knows the Doctor might be alive, but either way, she's just seen someone she loves leave with the intention of dying (and Ko Sharmus too, actually). Someone please give her a hug. Actually please just let the Fam have a big group hug in general.

"Have you ever been limited by who you were before?" "Huh. Now that does sound like me talking."

So, remaining questions to be answered next season!

What actually is the Doctor? Since they were found near the Boundary, they could be from anywhere. It's fair to say they now are recognised genetically as a Time Lord, but what were they originally, why were they abandoned in the first place, and are there any more of their original people out there?

How do the Remnants know about the Timeless Child, or were they just picking up on that unconscious knowledge from the Doctor's own mind?

Like... we're generally under agreement that the Master, the eternal cockroach, survived, right? Despite definitely being lowkey suicidal like oh, was hoping the Death Particle would kill me? Like the Death Particle was made by the Cyberium, it could have gone, "Nah, keeping this one."

What's going on with the Kasaavin? Remember them? Still out there, stationed all through time and space? And are we going to see Daniel Barton again?

Is something going on with Yaz?

Will the Fam stay on? (I personally think Ryan will elect to stay on Earth to account for Tosin Cole's new TV role, and if Graham and Ravio enter a relationship, he might too.)

When will we see Jack again? If he was connected to the Lone Cyberman arc, that seems... pretty conclusively finished, unless we're going to learn more about it?

Is it Christmas yet?

............so the Christmas/NY special is going to start with Jack using his vortex manipulator to bust the Doctor out of prison and get back to the Fam and it'll never be mentioned again, right.

"At least buy me diNNER!!"

[mysterioh]

The Ignorant Beauty and the Beast of New York - Ch. 4

PAIRING: MOB!STEVE ROGERS X READER

SYNOPSIS: Y/N is an exhausted bio major. Steve is danger with a capital DANGER. She thinks he’s a sarcastic prick with an impressive knowledge in art history. He thinks she’s cute even if she’s only running on one brain cell. All he wants is a single date, but she’s adamant upon denying.

Masterlist

Wherefore Art Thou My Fair Juliet?

“Future Mrs. Rogers, huh?”

Steve looks up from the manifest in his hand with a shy smile. “Well, um,-”

“Save it, punk,” Bucky stopped him. Steve raised a brow at him, trying to read him. Bucky smirked devilishly. “She’s cute.”

“Back off she’s mine,” Steve said playfully, leaning back in his office chair and hooking his leg over the other.

“Sure about that?” Bucky asked with a chuckle, pulling a chair back to take a seat. “I don’t think she really likes you.”

“What would make you say that?”

“Well for starters she called you a dirty, ugly mobster,” Bucky recalled.

“Ain’t she the cutest?” Steve chuckled like a child.

“Steve, that’s not how it works.”

“Okay, so she’s a bit brash,” Steve said sitting up. “Nothing wrong with that. I like that. Think it’s really hot.” Bucky nodded not really knowing how to reply to that. “I really think she likes me, Buck, we really connected at the museum.”

“The museum?”

“Yeah, that’s where I met her first.” Steve informed, “on Saturday.”

“She likes art then?” Bucky asked.

Steve shakes his head with a smile, his thoughts returning to that day. “Not at all. She’s a dunce when it comes to art. But don’t get me wrong she’s really smart. She’s one of those science nerds.”

“How lovely,” Bucky said, resting the side of his face in his hand while leaning on the desk. “What’s her name again? Rosy?”

“No that’s not her real name,” Steve replied. “That’s just what I call her.”

Bucky furrows his brows. “Then what’s her real name?”

A sudden realization comes to him. He sits straight with a blank expression. “I don’t know…”

Bucky’s head dips with a tired sigh. Steve could have been his best friend. He could’ve been the man with over half of New York under his control. He was the most brilliant mind in the business world - legal and illegal. But when it came to the dating scene, he was a total dud. A simpleton. A hopeless romantic and hopeless in all things regarding romance.

“So let me get this straight,” Bucky said with his hands. “You spent an entire morning with this chick. Supposedly had a “connection” with her but you didn’t have the decency to introduce yourself?”

“It was a complicated morning,” Steve retorted. “I didn’t even have my morning coffee.”

“That’s no excuse!” Bucky replied. “No wonder she hates you.”

“She doesn’t hate me.”

“Yeah, uh-huh, whatever you say ugly, dirty mobster.”

Steve huffs with his lips in a frown. “She was just a little freaked out, is all! I mean it’s not every day you witness a violent shakedown. You guys overdid it.” Steve crossed his arms.

Bucky looks at the man incredulously. “You told us to show the kid what a Brooklyn beating looks like.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t have to go overboard,” he retorted. “You scared the poor girl. There’s just so much a pretty heart like that can take. You dirty ugly mobster. How could you?”

“Oh please forgive me,” Bucky sassed, sinking in his seat.

The two sit in silence for a few minutes. Steve sat with a frown on his face. How could he have been so stupid? Why didn’t he ask for your name? No wonder you thought he was a creep. You probably thought he was just trying to get into your pants.

Steve, you stupid man, can’t you do anything right?!?!

“So what’re you gonna do now?” Bucky breaks the silence.

Steve looks up at him with a sad pout. A light in his brain flips on and his frown turns upside down. “You’re gonna find out who she is.”

“What?” Bucky said, hurling himself forward. “What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said.” Steve smiled. “You’re gonna find out who she is and tell me. It’s your new job.”

“That’s not in my contract.” Bucky retorted.

“Yeah, well now it is,” Steve replied, gathering his things. “Take Sam and the kid with ya.”

“Are you nuts?” Bucky roared. “There’s no way we can do that! There’s like a billion girls in the city!” He exclaimed, waving his arms around. “It’ll take years!”

But there’s only one Rosy. Steve thought to himself with a far-off look.

Steve smirks as he gets up. He walks past his friend and opens the door, his keys dangling in his hand. “Then I guess you better get started.”

You walked down the sidewalk, your hair fluttering in the air and clothes clinging to your body with your arms tightly wrapped around the textbook in your hand bracing yourself from the cold winter air.

Your thoughts were stuck in the clouds making you feel out of breath and slightly dizzy. They were thoughts of a certain mobster hottie. They weren’t romantic thoughts per se. More like a mixture of confusion and fear.

Who would’ve thought the harmless freak from the museum would end up being the most dangerous man in the city. But then again, not everything was as it seemed. Your thoughts were wrapped in him. How sweet and sassy he was at the museum and how different he was at the cafe.

His eyes were cold and his aura was intimidating, but quickly switched to flirty and sweet when he saw you. That was what scared you the most.

So absorbed in your thoughts, you didn’t notice the urban decay surrounding you. The decrepit pavement that looked as if it was slammed with a sledgehammer. The once perfect and smooth concrete was now broken into a network of cracks, many of them colonized by weeds.

So wrapped up in the way his eyes twinkled and smile shined, you forgot where you were going or who was around you. People were walking by, heads topped with wool hats and bodies wrapped in uncomfortable layers of flannel and duffel. There was a boy that was walking home with you, who just so happened to notice you weren’t listening to him and he found it very annoying.

“Y/N?” Quentin called. “Y/N? Earth to moron! Y/N!” he shakes his hand in front of your face.

“Huh?”

“You weren’t listening to me,” he frowned.

“I was,” you lied.

“Then what did I say?”

You smiled sheepishly and he rolled his eyes.

“My roommate’s going out of town this weekend and I was wondering if you wanted to come over? We can order a pizza and study for ochem? Maybe play some Gears?”

“Yeah, that sounds like fun,” you agreed with a smile.

Quentin smiles in excitement, his grip on his bag tightening. It’s been a while since the two of you had a study date.

“What’s with you?” he changes the topic. “You’ve been out of it lately.”

“I’m fine,” you murmured.

“No you’re not,” he deadpanned.

“I’m just tired,” you replied. “That’s all.”

“Something tells me it’s not,” he said. “Call it my “best friend since sixth grade” sixth sense.”

You chuckled at him. You’ve known Quentin for a really long time. He was the first person to accept you.

You didn’t have the best school experience. While other girls found sweet love notes in their lockers you found scraps of paper telling you to kill yourself, that you were the ugliest girl in school. No one wanted to be your partner in gym class. No one asked you out to a homecoming dance or invited you to sit with them during lunch.

You were unwanted and alone and learned to accept it. If your own parents didn’t accept you then why would anyone else?

That was until you met Quentin. He asked to sit next to you in science class on his first day and you were speechless when he did. It only got better as the days went by. He sat with you during lunch. He made you laugh in the library until the librarian kicked you out. He made you feel wanted and special.

“Well?” he called you back. “You gonna tell me?”

“It’s nothing,” you assured.

“Y/N,” he doted like a father.

You sighed, knowing he wouldn’t quit until you told him. The grip on your book tightens as you shrink into your scarf.

“I met this guy,” you confessed with a light blush.

Quentin chuckles at your cute behavior, but for some reason, it hurts a little. “That’s good.”

“No,” you shake your head. “It’s not good.”

He raises a brow. “Why not?”

“Because he’s bad,” you told him.

He furrows his brows. “What do you mean?”

“He’s bad.”

“Bad in like he’s hot?”

“No!” you replied quickly. Well,…he was hot. “I’m talking about the other kinda bad.”

Quentin chuckles. “I didn’t know you were into bad boys,” he wiggled his brows.

“It’s not like that!”

“Then what is it like?”

“I don’t know…bad,” you reiterated. You didn’t really want to give him the details. He’d only worry, possibly scold you for talking to strangers, and you really didn’t need that right now. “He’s nice just a bit…strange.”

“Want me to kick someone’s ass?” he asked.

You shake your head with a chuckle. “No, not yet. I think I can handle it.”

Quentin frowns a bit, but you didn’t really notice. He didn’t like how vague you were being or how the idea of some guy bothering you was stuck in his head now. But he didn’t show it. You were strong and knew how to take care of yourself. He knew how much you liked your space. But even then, it didn’t stop him from worrying. It didn’t stop him from wishing you’d open just a bit after all these years. He never told you that though. He always had a way of hiding his feelings when it came to you.

Your lips slanted into a downward curve and brows furrowed in concentration. Quentin wraps an arm around your shoulders, shaking you out of your daze. You turn to look at him and he has a wide smile on his face.

“Come on, let’s go get some coffee,” he said.

“I’m broke at the moment,” you reminded him.

“On me then,” he offered, “we gotta get you back down to earth.”

You chuckled following him. He always had a way of making you feel better.

“Man this is the stupidest shit I’ve ever done,” Sam groaned.

“Not as stupid as the time you licked that water pipe in ten-degree weather,” Bucky stated.

“In my defense, I was drunk off my ass.”

“You actually did that,” Peter asked from the back of the car. “Wow, even I’m not that stupid.”

Sam turned around to glare at the boy. Peter melted into the leather seat in fear.

“Why did we bring him with us?”

“Steve said so,“ Bucky answered, lighting up a cigarette.

Sam groaned loudly. "First we get stuck with this horrible job then we gotta drag the kid with us. He’ll just slow us down!"

"I’m faster than you, Grandpa,” Peter sassed making Bucky snort with the stick in his mouth.

“It’s taking every ounce of goodness in me to not beat the crap out of you right now,” Sam told him.

“That’s child abuse and I’ll report you."

Sam faces forwards, murmuring under his breath. "I will not kill the kid. I will not kill the kid."

"Hey, Pete, wanna smoke?” Bucky asked, pointing the box towards him.

“Sure,” he reached out for one.

Bucky smacks him on the back of the head. “Don’t even think about, punk, you’re underage."

"Then why’d you offer?” Peter asked annoyed, rubbing the back of his head.

“I was testing ya,” Bucky replied. “And now that I know, if I catch you smoking I’m kicking your butt. You hear that?"

"Yeah,” he mumbled.

“Excuse me?"

"Yes sir,” Peter corrected himself. The boy leaned against the car door, peeking out the window watching pedestrians walk by. “Uh, Sir?"

"What is it, kid?” Sam asked.

“If we’re supposed to find some girl shouldn’t we be outside? Why are we sitting in the car?"

It’s quiet for a minute. Peter raises a brow at the two.

"It’s cold outside,” Bucky confessed.  

Peter’s lips parted slightly in shock. Some ruff-n-tuff mobster you are.

“I mean do you really want to go searching for the girl?” Sam asked him. “We’ll just sit around for a while and tell the big guy we can’t find her."

"But that’s not honest!” Peter sits up, squeezing into the small space between them.

Bucky laughs at him. “This is the mob, kid, honesty doesn’t exist around here."

Peter frowns and crosses his arms while sitting back. "It’s still wrong. The boss really likes this girl. Shouldn’t we help?"

"We’ll be helping him by not finding the girl,” Sam informed. “Trust us when we say that the boss’ had his fair share of heartbreak. The last thing he needs is another girl."

"What do you mean?"

"It’s a long story,” Bucky tried to change the topic. “I’ll tell you some other time. But don’t go blabbin’ to the boss that we told you that. Ya hear?"

Peter nodded in curiosity. The mob boss was suffering from heartbreak?

"Holy shit, Buck, it’s her!” Sam exclaimed, pointing out the windshield.

Bucky almost drops his cigarette in surprise. “Oh my god, what do we do?"

"Get out of the car, we can’t lose her!” Sam shouted, opening the door to his side.

“I thought you said we weren’t going to find her."

"She’s right there, Pete, we can’t just let her go,” Bucky said, getting out of the car. “Now get out of the damn car!"

Peter gets out of the car with a groan. These two were beyond confused and now they were getting him confused.

"Now what do we do?” Peter said, feeling stupid by just being next to the two.

“Uhm,” Bucky thought. He pushes Peter in your direction. “Go talk to her.”

“What!? Why me?!” Peter questioned.

“Because…” Sam started. “This is…this is your initiation into the gang."

"Yeah, that’s what this is,” Bucky pointed up. “Now hurry up before she gets away."

"You’re just pulling that out of your ass!” Peter retorted. “I’m not gonna go talk to some girl I’ve never met before. That’s weird."

"Listen, punk, you either do it or you’re dead,” Sam threatened. “I don’t think you’ve seen what a real Brooklyn beating looks like."

Peter gulps. He turns to see you and a boy walking away, slowly fading from his view.

"What’s it gonna be then?"

"Okay, okay, I’ll do it,” Peter assured. He turned on his heel, his steps getting wider to catch up. “Lazy ass mobsters,” he grunted.

“I heard that asshole!"

TAGLIST: @ashwarren32​ @rootcrop​ @siriusement​ @savedbystark​ @little-dark-empress​ @great-goddess-of-sin​ @boxofteenageideas​ @imsonick​ @scuzmunkie​ @achishisha​ @calwitch​ @chuckennuggets1213​

A/N: Hi, i tagged everyone from my old taglist as well. hope that isn’t a problem. I’m up to date with chapters prior to deleting so next chapter will be new for the old tagged people. Have a nice day! 

[rediscoveringmichelle]

An Apple a day keeps the cravings away

January 2021, back in London after spending Christmas at home in Ireland with my family. This time had been a very different experience to the last. Freer, both mentally and physically. The last time I had been home was at the beginning of the global pandemic, restricted to the 2km radius of my home in Clontarf, North Dublin. However, on this occasion not only had restrictions been lifted by the Taoiseach for the Christmas period, I had lifted my own restrictions too. The beginning of the pandemic was the turning point of my recovery and now, 9 months later, I was no longer limiting myself to 3 healthy meals per day, with no snacks and a strict schedule of two 10km runs per week and a minimum 2 and half hours of walking per day. I felt happier and healthier than I had been in years, able to relax and enjoy late night glasses of wine and mince pies with my parents, meals out with friends and the odd day of rest and relaxation with nothing but a few hours of TV to pass the day. It didn’t matter how much weight I had put on; I had gained my life and laugh back, and I would be forever grateful for the lesson I had learnt thanks to this awful pandemic. That making myself thinner and fitter, didn’t make me any happier. And that being physically healthy is nothing if you destroy your mental and social health too.

January 2018 was really where it all began. Recently single and having spent a lot of my newfound freedom on nights out, eating takeaways and drinking large volumes of alcohol, I had understandably put on a bit of weight. The guy I had been seeing, suddenly stopped texting me and I felt rejected. My parents were back to living their lives after their run-ins with poor health. Dad back to smothering his toast in thick layers of butter and Mum loving her newfound ‘real-Mum’ life of Pilates and coffee catch ups since selling her practice for good. I was no longer needed. Mum didn’t need me to drive her to chemo or cook my Dad his no red meat, no oil, no salt dinners. I felt anxious as they went back to living their lives. No longer able to control them, especially my dad. I couldn’t force him into living a by-the-book healthy lifestyle. But I figured what I could control was myself. I could be the healthiest person I could possibly be. And with the added benefit of making that guy wish he’d never let me go. My perfectionist self would ensure that I would be the perfect picture of health. No cheating, no dieting, just a new lifestyle. A new me. One I could love.

I scoured the internet for all the advice on changing your lifestyle, getting fit and losing weight. Running apparently boosted your metabolism and was an efficient way to burn calories and fat. So, I started by running 5km, three times a week. Weights would help then to reduce my body fat and tone up so I coupled the running with strength training in the gym, also three times a week. I pounded out Kelsey Wells workout routines, while listening to ‘This is me’ from The Greatest Showman, a song about not being afraid to show the world exactly who you are, as I was ironically punishing my body into a shape that was not naturally me. I strictly followed Dad’s cardiologist’s advice and cooked everything from scratch, substituting beef mince for turkey mince and not using oil, butter or salt in my cooking. I cut out all snacks and limited myself to three meals per day. Social Media became my home ground for weight loss advice. ‘You’re not hungry, you’re thirsty. Drink some water.’ ‘No pain, no gain.’ ‘Ignore your cravings and they will eventually go away.’ ‘Craving sugar? Have an apple instead’. Each day would end with eating an apple to stave off the cravings and to quieten the rumbles in my stomach.

I started weighing my food, tracking everything from litres of water drunk and then steps walked and active minutes of exercise. I upped my runs gradually to 10km, twice a week because social media told me that after running for 35 minutes, you no longer just burn calories, but also fat. And yes, I do realise that anyone who has a degree in anything science related would quickly realise these were all completely made up and not based on fact, but I guess I wanted to believe them. I would believe anything that forced me to push (or punish) myself more. I stopped going out for drinks or dinner with friends. Too many calories and too worried that I wouldn’t be able to get up and run in the morning, unable to flex from the specific days I went running, for fear I would never run again. When I moved to London, I spent my weekends walking 40 thousand steps so that I could then earn a slice of banana bread from Deliciously Ella’s Vegan & Gluten Free Deli. I felt a rush of joy wash over me each time I saw the number on the scales or the minutes of my 10km runs decline, but like a drug, the high didn’t last long. I was addicted. I had no trust in myself. ‘You’re so controlled’, they complimented me. But deep down, I felt like there was a lazy, sugar and fat loving girl inside me. An imposter in a gradually reducing body. Fearing that just one biscuit and I would be back as that unhappy and overweight rejected girl.

I really believed that being thinner and looking like those girls I idolised on Instagram would make me happier. They were all smiling, surely that meant they were happy? As the compliments turned to concern, I felt that surely people were just jealous of how much weight I had managed to lose. Weight loss was something to be proud of, wasn’t it? The truth of it all didn’t hit me until the pandemic. As I sat up in my bed struggling to breathe on the night of the Taoiseach’s first lockdown announcement, I started to wonder what I was really fearing. During a time when people were dying, all I could fear was not being able to exercise enough and being locked up in a house full of food. I feared putting on weight and relinquishing control. I felt trapped with nothing to look forward to. Holidays cancelled and my boyfriend of two months at home with his family 167km away in Belfast. That was my rock bottom.

In an effort to cheer myself up I started to make a list of all the things I wanted to do post lockdown. Have date nights in with my boyfriend, making pizzas, ordering takeaways and eating breakfast in bed. Then the excitement of getting to do these things started to dwindle as the anxiety crept in, as I tried to count up how much exercise I would need to do in order to earn those nights. A day in bed with no exercise? Nope, that’s a no go. And that’s when it hit me. I had made myself thin, with the thought that then I would be lovable and that then I could enjoy my life. But I was thinner, thinner than I’d been since I was a preteen and I still wouldn’t let myself go enough to do the things I deeply wanted to do. To let myself enjoy life. How freeing it would be to just, let go!

My love for learning kicked in and I made the decision to start reading up and educating myself. I came across a book my mum had not so subtly left lying around the house. ‘Just Eat it – How Intuitive eating can help you get your shit together around food’ by Laura Thomas. I didn’t believe I had an eating disorder until I started reading her book. As she listed off the disorders, she then came to Orthorexia – defined as an unhealthy obsession with healthy eating or over exercising. ‘When was the last time you even asked yourself what you’d like instead of what you ‘can’ or ‘should’ eat?’ she queried. The sad reality was that I couldn’t remember. ‘We trust our phones more than we trust our bodies’. Well that was certainly true for me. She used science, showing that weight was in fact not a determinant of health but that by exercising, eating healthy and not smoking we could be healthy, regardless of our size. That eating a donut didn’t in fact negate the nutrients of the carrot we ate earlier. And that white flour was actually infused with calcium and that those carbs are what give us energy to move and enjoy life. My eyes gradually opened to all the lies diet culture had taught me and I felt empowered.

I moved on to more books and podcasts and started culling my social media feed of anyone that didn’t make me feel good. I started following intuitive eating dietitians and anti-diet advocates. Following people of all shapes and sizes and realising how biased our society is towards people in smaller bodies. Not just the size of airplane seats but assuming that all health issues experienced by fat people can be solved by weight loss. I learnt that the night sweats I had been experiencing, the pretty much non-existent sex drive and the inability to maintain body heat for any length of time were in fact all side effects of the restricted eating and over-exercising. Half the time I didn’t even look as thin as I had become because I was wearing so many layers of clothes in order to keep warm. Walking around the house with a hot water bottle strapped to my waist and wearing a fur coat indoors while out for dinner with friends. Only now can I laugh at the image of it. I started to make a list of all the things I would gain through gaining weight and glancing back over it now, I have gained all of these and more. My headspace, my laughter, my body heat and a fantastic relationship that I thankfully didn’t destroy because of my restrictive, anxious mind-set.

My recovery hasn’t been easy. The steps toward eating intuitively start with banishing your food rules and allowing yourself to eat what you want. A process that takes time before you can start tuning into your hunger and fullness cues again and introducing gentle nutrition. It involved allowing myself to devour entire tubs of Oatly chocolate fudge ice-cream, multiple evenings per week. Making my way through all the delicious Deliveroo takeaway options London had to offer – Honest Burgers red meat beef burgers with rosemary salted fries, Franco Manca pizzas, with all the toppings, and Kin & Deum Thai curries, with full fat coconut milk. Gradually I started being able to listen to my body and trust it. Whether it hungered for a salmon stir-fry or was seeking out a slice of chocolate cake. The interesting thing being, that months later it now craves nutritious food the majority of the time. And that by allowing it to have higher sugar or fat containing foods whenever it wants, I no longer feel out of control around them. I no longer find myself devouring three large sized bags of crisps in one sitting, overtaken by the fear that I will never let myself eat them again.

I have days where I find myself critiquing my larger thighs in the mirror but instead of allowing the thoughts consume me, I allow them float by with curiosity and continue about my day knowing that the way I look doesn’t define me and that the greatest things about me have nothing to do with my body shape or size. I am a thoughtful friend, who prides herself at remembering important moments in friends’ lives. A courageous girl who isn’t afraid to try new things, whether that be travelling solo across Vietnam or signing up to a surf and yoga retreat in Cornwall. A creative person who loves to draw and a lifelong learner that is open to new ideas and wants to challenge her way of thinking. My body will change a lot over the next 50 plus years of my life, but the great thing is that thanks to freeing myself from the disease, I get to look forward to the possibility of being alive for that long and to enjoying every waking moment, no longer postponing life for when I look or am a certain way.

© Michelle McCarthy January 2021

[thenakedgingerwrites]

The Love Potion

I had accepted that I was gay around freshman year of high school but had never come out. Now a Junior in college, the only sexual experience I had with a man was letting a guy blow me drunkenly at a random house party. Luckily none of our friends overlapped and a word of the encounter was never uttered. However, it made me crave a man that much more. All that to say, I was a convincing straight guy. Most of my friends were guys, and my closest friends were all guys from my high school football team. Most of them stayed in town to go to the local university like myself, so we stayed close. There were pros and cons to that but the major con was losing the ability to experiment and find my true sexuality without the fear of being rejected by my previous 'life.' My risk aversion was subsiding though. Partly due to the blowjob I got a couple months ago, but mainly due to Ben.

After dorms, a few of my friends got a house together near campus. It was a 5 bedroom house and worked perfectly for us. That is until one of our buddies, for a few personal reasons, dropped out and moved back home with his parents. Luckily we were able to find a couple dudes via craigslist that needed a room for the rest of the year, Ben being one of them. There was another guy that was actually the better candidate between the two, but I had pushed that we give the room to Ben. My friends didn't put up too much of a fuss or pry as to why I think he was the right choice, which I'm grateful for. I don't know how they would have taken my rationale being he was incredibly hot. When I first met Ben that day he was wearing khaki shorts that hugged his thighs and huge bubble butt and a varsity T that molded around his rounded, muscular body. Ben was short, maybe 5'8" or so. Definitely the stocky-muscle type of guy, but had maybe been drinking a little more than he should and going to the gym less. What it created was a slightly curvy but still very attractive body, from what I could tell. His face was his best quality though. Everything about him was puppy dog. He had doughy eyes, pouty lips, and an adorable button nose. Short crew cut and the hint of a shoulder tattoo later, I was lusting for him hard. After he moved in, my fantasies didn't exactly come to fruition as I had imagined. The "bump into him after a shower and his towel falls" scenario didn't happen, and he unfortunately wasn't a guy that liked to get naked for the humor factor as some of my other friends were. He did drink a lot which was maybe a gateway opportunity, but our friend circles were different. I tried to make connections but due to my hidden motives, I would always second guess myself or get too nervous. He was becoming more and more a roommate, and less and less a sex toy. And then one day, during lunch with another one of our roommates, he shared that he was super superstitious. He believed in a natural medicines too. His mom was apparently Wiccan, and although he didn't latch on to the religious side of his mother's beliefs he did believe in 'herbal magic' as he called it. We made fun of him a bit and the three of us laughed it off. The cogs had begun to wirr in my mind though. I could use this, but how? A week of googling and research led me to the idea of a love potion. There were a few different recipes or 'spells' or whatever online, and the lust was clouding my judgement as to whether this was a sound idea or not. There was a moment of doubt during the week but after Ben came in from a run, sweaty and shirtless, his round pecs and keg-abs in perfect view, I was able to wave away any hesitation. It took another week for Ben and I to be the only guys in the house for the evening, and it was now or never. I knocked on his door. There was some rustling, but opened it shortly after. He was already in 'pajamas' which consisted of loose basketball shorts and a tight t-shirt with the words "All American" written on them. "Hey, Matt. What's up?" He asked, leaning on his door frame. I was nervous, but needed to be the perfect actor tonight. "I have a.. er.. well a really random question. And it's kind of stupid." He chuckled a bit. "Okay, shoot." "You mentioned your mom the other week, and it got me curious." "Oh god," he started, rolling his eyes, "I promise I'm not a crazy person." I quickly stopped him. "No, no! That's not what I meant. See, there's this girl in my finance course that I've been crushing on hard. We've talked a few times but I don't know if she's interested. I did some googling and it looks like there's this... Wiccan love potion.." Ben's eyebrows raised, he was curious and amused. "Go on..." I felt like he was just looking for the opportunity to call me the crazy one and laugh this all off, but I continued. "Well, I'm desperate and thought I'd give it a try but could use your help. I know it's stupid, but what's a little science experiment anyway?" I laughed it off, trying to pretend I didn't really believe it would work. Which I didn't, for the record. "Well I wholly believe in that stuff, man. Herbs can be a powerful thing. They can release all sorts of chemicals in your mind to mimic emotions like love, fear, happiness, yadda yadda. Did you get a recipe for it?" I mocked a bit, "Wait, you don't have a family secret there?" We both laughed. "I do actually, and I think I have all I need but wanted you to sanity check it. See if it seems bogus." He agreed, and we went up to my room. I closed the door behind us, while unnecessary it seemed more intimate for me and try my plan. So far it was working, but the real test was yet to come. I shared the ingredients and steps I found online, and he agreed with what it was saying. Rosemary brings out this feeling, and this herb reduces inhibitions, and blah blah crazy person talk. It could have actually been a turn off, but even if I didn't believe an ounce of what was coming out of Ben's mouth he sure did know a lot about this voodoo science. And that was impressive on it's own. We worked the next 20 minutes or so creating this 'love potion.' There were a few electric moments for me like when he would help me grind an herb down and our hands would touch, or he would read out the next step and layer in his own 'professional' opinion. At one point, when he was sitting on the ground with his knees up, his shorts slid up his thigh so much that I wondered if he was even wearing underwear. The thoughts were setting me ablaze inside. When it was finally done, he explained the last steps. "So, you basically just need to add a piece of your hair to some of this, and then somehow get her to drink it." "And then what?" "I guess just wait? I'm not really sure how this concoction will work, it could affect anyone differently." Now to setup my plan. "Now I just need to find a clever way to get her to drink some random, greenish liquid. And it won't even work anyway." "Don't question the juice man, this stuff has enough herbs to turn her on to a cactus." He seemed so serious. "I just wish there was a way to test it. Well, you believe it will work so strongly how about you drink a swig. If you try and kiss me after then I'll know it's legit." Ben just laughed. "If only you could be so lucky!" I pushed it, "No really. You can prove to me that it's real. The effect is only supposed to be temporary right?" Ben got a tad more serious. "Matt, I know it will work. You're the one doubting my skills man." "Okay, you're right. I don't think this can work. I hoped it would, but this shit would be in stores everywhere if it really did." I started to ham up my disappointment. "I don't think the FDA would let it get to there. Plus most people are huge skeptics like you, so no one would buy into it." I looked into his eyes to hold a stare for a beat. "You really do believe in this stuff don't you?" "I do. Well, not all of the Wiccan stuff, but herbs and spices are just science. No need to believe anything." I got some confidence up, acting of course, and wagered with him. "Okay fine, I'll test it out." "With who?" Ben asked, admittedly he actually looked confused. Adorable. "You." He furrowed his eyebrows. "That's not funny, Matt." "No, really. No offense, I don't think I'm going to suck your face after taking a swig of this but I'm willing to take that chance." He chuckled, "that's a risky bet." "I don't think we're eye-to-eye on the odds here Ben." I chuckled back to him. He sighed. "Okay, well don't blame me when you think I'm a total hottie." "Don't worry," I sarcastically retorted, "I won't." Ben took a tiny scoop of the liquid into a measuring cup and plucked out a hair from his head. "You want me to drink your hair?!" I feigned minor disgust. "It need's some DNA. I could put some earwax in there if you'd prefer." I stuck my tongue out and agreed that the hair would suffice. "On second thought..." Ben put the cup down and stood up. He reached into his shorts, to my excitement but composed an expression of confusion, and winced a bit. Removing his hand from his crotch region, he held onto a single pube. He grinned. "Seriously dude, fuck you! I'm not eating your pube. Now I know this is a crock of shit." I didn't know how far to push my aversion but was still afraid of being outed by not having a big enough reaction. "This potion is rooted in sexual urges, and so a hair more closely rooted to sexual connotations should be more potent. You're not scared now are you?" Ben teased. "Scared of choking to death on one of your smelly pubes? Yeah." He held the hair up to his nose and took an exaggerated inhale. "It's not smelly." "Ugh." I rolled my eyes and pretended to dry heave. "You better not tell a soul about this." He mimed his other hand zipping his lips. I sighed, "fine give me your damn pube water potion." "Let me remind you this was your idea." "yeah, yeah yeah..." He added the tiny dark blonde hair into the cup and swirled it around a bit then handed it to me. "Bon appetite," he cheerfully said as he handed me the cup. I took it down in one quick gulp and followed with a few swigs of water we had nearby. It tasted like old rainwater some leaves have been decaying in. "Did it taste romantic?" Ben asked. "It tasted like dead raccoon, but that probably just your pube." We both laughed at the situation. The next minute we sat silently waiting for something to happen. I asked when I would feel this magical urge to kiss him and he shrugged. Works different on every person he said again. "Well, I don't think I find you super sexy. Sorry to ruin your night Ben." "Oh shut up, it's only been a minute. Let's play a game. Simon says." "Seriously?" he lost me. "One of the effects of the potion is that you should be willing to be persuaded by me much easier. What's one thing you would never do, even if I asked you to?" "Ben, I'm not sucking your dick. Sorry bud." Again we both laughed. He continued. "I'm not thinking anything that extreme, but good to know. Me either. Try this, stand up." I got up while acting like I was being pulled up by some ghost. "Oh my god Ben, you're a voodoo god!" "I really am," he said, amused. "Now spin around." I did as was told, still hamming it up. "Jump. Touch your toes. Blink your eyes. Pinch yourself." He had me do routine, mundane tasks for a couple minutes. I stopped pretending a ghost was manipulating me at some point and just did as I was told, kind of forgetting what was going on. Then finally he told me to take off my pants. It snapped me back to consciousness. I pushed back against the command accusing him of just wanting to see my dick and called him a perv. He said, "no, no. Just your sweatpants, you goof." Somehow this made it much more palatable and the pants dropped immediately. I stood there in my t-shirt and boxer briefs staring at Ben for my next move. He stood up, walked over to my bed and plopped down face first. He told me to give him a back massage. I no longer really knew what was me and what was the potion, but I honestly didn't care. I got up on the bed and straddled him. After a few minutes of massaging his back he told me to take off his shirt. I did, then continued the massage. His skin was so smooth and soft under my hands. My own butt resting on his was starting to pool blood to my crotch. "Massage my ass" and I did. I shifted down lower and began to knead his huge bubble butt through his shorts. A minute of this and he told me to strip him completely. He helped a little by arching his back, but the shorts quickly peeled down off his legs revealing his succulent globes just asking for my hands. The massage continued and I enjoyed every second of it. His ass was so warm to my cool hands. It was lightly dusted in dark blond hair but not really hairy like some of the guys I'd see in the locker room. It was definitely the biggest though. As I kneaded his butt, I would get more daring with my movements. I would get closer to his crack but the move away. Timid. I began to turn my kneading movements into spreading ones, exposing his hole a little more each time. My thumbs would rub inward towards his hole when I spread his cheeks. It started subtle, I think, but at some point became very deliberately sexual. I had almost touched his little dark rosebud when he said, "Yep, you're gay for me right now." Startled, I jumped off him and stammered my protest. He rolled his head over and laughed. "It's okay dude, it's the potion. I won't tell anyone." I reiterated, "I"m not gay for you dude. I was just giving you a massage, that's not gay." He looked down, "Your boner begs to differ." I followed his eyes and saw my cock stretching against the elastic of my boxer briefs, slightly peeking above the band. I covered up my shame. "I"m not gay" I said again. "I know, Matt. But for the sake of our deal, I've gotta do this." I was about to ask “do what?” but he beat me to it. He turned over to reveal his semi-hard cock and balls, nestled in a light patch of dark blonde hair. "Suck my dick." I instantly remembered that when I drank the potion this is exactly what I said I wouldn't do. However at this point Ben seemed confident that the potion was in complete control and I could finally live out my fantasy without any repercussion. I didn't hesitate. I got back on the bed and shoved my face into his crotch. I hadn't sucked a cock before, and honestly hadn't even been this close to another dick in my life. Ben wasn't fully hard yet, but I could already tell he was bigger than me. Probably only about 6 or 7 inches long like me but much thicker. His balls were larger too. I wondered how I would fit it in my mouth if it kept growing but accepted the challenge. I used one hand to guide his member into my mouth. I only took a couple inches in to wet it with saliva. He tasted so good. Slightly salty but a pretty neutral flavor overall. For some reason I had imagined a cock would taste just like what cum smelled like. I was happy to see it was far less extreme. As I whetted him fully and began to pump him while I swirled my tongue around his head, Ben began to get audible. He started with just some sighs and moans, but quickly began to give me specific directions. "Jack me harder, lick my shaft, suck my balls, swirl your tongue, deep throat me." His hands began to guide my head as well. I gladly took the direction. He had gotten fully erect by now. I came up for air to admire his cock. I was right about it's size. It may even be a bit shorter than mine, but boy was it thick. Although it realistically couldn't have been as thick as a soda can, it looked like it without a direct comparison. "Don't stop Matt!" Ben looked down at me during my break and quickly got me back on task. I sucked and pumped him but I wanted a little more. I took a creative liberty and started to trail my mouth downward. I had seen in hundreds of porn clips guys eating out another guy's ass. I'd never had it done to me to validate if it felt as good as porn made it seem, but wanted to test it out on Ben. I don't think the thought would have crossed his mind, but once I began sucking on his taint and still moved south he got the hint and silently complied. Ben arched back and raised his legs and ass up into the air. I kept one hand firmly around his cock and jacked him off as my tongue made it's fast approach to Ben's virgin asshole. The taste was unique. He had clearly showered some point in the evening, but still I thought it would taste a little like, well, shit. I was delighted to discover it didn't. It almost tasted like a sweet cologne. There was a musky quality but also a sweet aroma. I mimicked all the actions I'd seen in porn. I licked his hole, spat on it, sucked on it. Ben seemed to like just the simple lick the most, and so I focused on that. It didn't take long into this new experience for him to reach climax. His breathing began to speed up and he breathed/growled, "I'm gonna cum." I had a conflict of interest. I had never seen another guy cum in real life, and wanted to watch him erupt all over himself for my viewing pleasure. I also had never tasted another man's cum before, and the thought of taking his explosion into my mouth was incredibly hot too. It was a split second decision, but I threw his hips back down to the bed and wrapped my lips around his cock. Ben tried to push my head off him and breathed a "no, you don't have.." but I swatted him away and brought him to the point of orgasm. He went past the moan decibel and actually yelled in pleasure as he erupted into the back of my throat. The warm, sticky liquid shot ribbon after ribbon against the back of my mouth. I attempted to swallow between bursts but turns out swallowing when there's a cock in your mouth is hard or at least it was for me, so some of his seed dripped out of my mouth and down his shaft. I milked every ounce out of him, and even squeezed his cock like a toothpaste tube to get the last few drops. Ben's intensely tense, and sweaty body turned to putty after a few shudders. I sucked on his cock for another minute or so as it waned in my mouth. Finally accepting that my fun was done for the night, I let it pop out of my mouth. Ben arched up on his elbows. "You have a nice dick." I said, smiling. He chuckled, "that's the potion talking, but thanks." The potion. I had forgotten. Ben read the look but mistook it for more of a panic. He leaned up and grabbed his shorts from the floor, quickly slipping them on. Grabbing his shirt he said, "I should go take a shower. I'm really sorry about this." I tried to stop him but he was out my door and down the stairs in a blink. I just laid there on my bed staring up at the ceiling. My first time sucking a cock was amazing, and of all people it was with Ben: my ultimate fantasy man. I heard the water turn on from the shower the floor below, and took the opportunity to finally pleasure myself. I imagined Ben in the shower and replayed the last hour in my head. I came with more force and volume than I had, maybe ever. I cleaned myself and my room up, and waited to walk down and approach Ben. I finally got the courage a couple hours later but when I approached his room I could tell the lights were off and turned back. I'm not sure if I'd ever get that chance again with Ben. One thing for sure though, I was 100% addicted to dick and needed more. I had lived 21 years without it and had all that time to make up for. How I was going to get it, would be another adventure.

[xhanisai]

Selfish Touch

Summary: Everyone's soulmarks are completely unique. Some have markings on their skin, some have telepathy, some even have the red string tied around their little finger. The weirdest ones stray from tasting whatever your soulmate's eating to seeing their reflection in the mirror instead of yours. No two pairs are the same.However, Marinette and Adrien are fated with a bittersweet destiny instead. After all, every time they touch, they end up in excruciating pain.

(AO3) (FFN)

~(x)~ . . . Soulmate. A person ideally suited to another as a close friend or a romantic partner. A fairytale like ideology that not only breaks the laws of logic and science but also applies to the world where a certain blonde kitten and dark haired ladybug resides in. Everyone in this world has a soulmate regardless of age, gender or sex. This is why the population is always an even number. Whether it'd be two young teens, an old woman and a little child, a young man and an old woman, everyone is destined to have a companion. Although, it's more common to find one around your own age and in many cases, much more preferable. Almost everyone is always looking for their soulmate if they haven't already found them. Almost everyone asks one another if they found their soulmate. Who wouldn't? A promise of a lifetime of companionship?  A best friend who would always be by your side? A lover that will fight the world for you? An inspirational figure that drives you to be the best person you can be? The possibilities are endless! Most of all, a soulmate is a promise that you'll never be alone. However, everyone's ways and clues are completely unique. Some have markings on their skin, some have telepathy, some even have the red string tied around their little finger. The weirdest ones stray from tasting whatever your soulmate's eating to seeing their reflection in the mirror instead of yours. No two pairs are the same. Regardless, there are similarities when it comes to soulmates. Once you find them, you'll know. Everyone will have that moment of clarity when the clues and signs match up. It is a feeling that's inevitable and would come as easily as breathing. Yet, there's a downfall too. Once your soulmate dies, you die too. This is what scares everyone the most and even deters some from even looking for their soulmates. Hence, Marinette Dupain Cheng remains passive and neutral about it, squashing all curiousities whilst Adrien Agreste optimistically dreams about his probable companion, gazing out of his window. Neither, much to one's relief and the other's dismay, found any clues of even having a soulmate so far. Until the day Le Papillon rose... ~(x)~ "OUCH!" "SHIT!" The freshly geared up teens immediately jumped out of the yoyo bound formation, clutching their faces in severe pain and tears spilling out of their eyes. It felt like a hot iron has been branded into their skin, a flame sizzling their flesh and many more indescribably painful feelings. After the pain numbed down to a bearable standard, the duo finally turned, albeit slowly, to face each other. . . . Time seems to have stopped and the air was knocked out of their lungs the moment that their eyes made contact. Their hearts rocketed inside their chests in a frenzy that neither have ever felt. Adrenaline replaced the blood rushing through their veins. Marinette gaped at the boy before her, decked up in a form fitting outfit similar to hers but black. She was blind to his faux cat ears and tail as she was focused on the angry red markings on his face. The side where she's very sure that her face has touched in her unsuccessful attempt in maneuvering around the city with her yoyo. Dread silently filled her body from head to toe as the puzzles connected. Adrien on the other hand couldn't keep down the bubbling glee, happiness and awe that crept in his stomach. The pain he had just suffered was momentarily forgotten as he eyed the girl clad in red and black polka dots. A side of her face was stained in a tedious pink which was fading away ever so calmly. Judging from the dying pain on his face, he probably wore a matching wound. His soulmate. She's his soulmate! Almost fourteen years of isolation under a gilded cage has finally bore fruit! 'If this is a dream, please don't wake me up...' "Ha...Hi," Adrien finally broke the silence and offered the most sweetest, joyful smile he could ever muster. His kitten ears drooped bashfully and he offered a hand to the girl, heart never slowing down. "I guess we're not just partners, but also...s-soulmates?" His last words ended in a breathy whisper, like he still couldn't believe that this was real. His eyes drank in her image once more like a parched man in the desert. Beautiful, raven locks so black that it's almost blue. Gorgeous, baby blue eyes that almost looked grey. Subtle, Asian features, driving his curiousity even more. The lightest dusting of freckles over the bridge of her nose below her mask. Lastly, glossy, rose tinted lips that were...that were... Tightened into a grimace? She didn't take his hand. She didn't even smile back. Instead, her eyes widened fearfully and she jumped back with a flinch. She was slightly crouched and her hands were tucked against her chest like she was waiting for the right moment to flee. Like he was the monster and she was the prey. Anguish was suddenly slapped on Adrien's face and his whole body shook, as if he was just stabbed fifty times. Tears pooled in his vision and he miserably bowed his head down apologetically, keeping his hands to his sides. He didn't stop the cascading tears from falling as he trembled pathetically. He scrunched his eyes closed, refusing to dare another glance at the girl. Typical. Just his luck. If his own mother couldn't even bear to stand his existence, leaving him alone with a man that has a heart colder than ice, why on earth did he expect his soulmate to be different? He's destined to be alone and unloved forever. He's fated to be part of the poor one percent of the population who gets abandoned by their soulmate. Adrien doesn't blame the girl for her reaction. Just one touch from him has brought them both enough pain to last them a lifetime. It's his fault that her smooth, unblemished skin was marked in a hideous red despite it being temporary. The higher deities in the sky clearly wanted him to suffer for eternity. After all, why else would their soulmark entail the touch of one another to bring such pain to each other? He's not the only one cursed though... Because of him, she can't have a normal soulmate and be happy like everyone else. All because she's stuck with someone as useless as him! Little good for nothing Adrien Agreste! This is all his fault... "I'm...I'm so sorry..." He sniffed. Adrien's claws dug into the palms of his hands which surely would have punctured the soft flesh had it not been for the indestructible material of his suit. "I'm sorry for hurting you...I'm sorry that you have me as...as..." His tongue turned to lead before he could utter anymore words as his heart crumpled even further. The girl was probably long gone, the wind being the only ears to his sad little voice. Just like everyone else in his life. "Shhh..." Abruptly, Adrien's eyes snapped open and his body froze. The polka-dotted girl was only a mere few centimetres away from his face. How long has she been standing there...? How did he not notice? Nothing good EVER happens to him so the boy refused to believe that she really was there. His sorry mind most likely concocted up an illusion just so he can cope with the solitude. Except, you can't feel illusions as they cup your cheeks and tentatively wipe away your tears with their thumbs. A gentleness that should be reserved for fragile newborns. Not a monster like him. Yet, the undying yearn for love and affection deep down inside Adrien won over so he timidly rested his fingers on the girl's wrists. Marinette simply observed him with a nervous smile, noting the way his odd cat like ears dilated, the way his faux ears relaxed and the warmth of his gentle fingers on her wrists. How could she have even entertained the thought of running away from such an innocent boy like that? Regardless of whoever he is under the mask, Marinette vowed to never let him go through that emotional turmoil again. Just looking at his heartbroken face during her panic tore her apart. It was like placing a penny in a homeless child's palms and then snatching it away before running off! "...Hi..." Marinette spoke for the first time. Her smile grew when the boy gasped, rubbing his cheek where the fading mark rested. "I'm sorry for...for being a ditz." Her heart pounded as she earned a smile from him. "You shouldn't be apologising when you've done nothing wrong," She then brought his hands in hers, clasping their fingers together. It was strange. Despite just meeting him, it's like she's known the blonde all her life. Was this the result of meeting your soulmate? Or is it because of the miraculous stones that mysteriously appeared on her desk? Maybe both? "It doesn't hurt," Adrien softly pointed out, tightening his fingers against hers which brought Marinette back to reality. She squeezed back with a thoughtful hum. She glanced back at his face, brushing away his fringe so that his forehead was visible. "I'm going to do a little experiment. May I...?" Marinette's sheepish question was answered with a chuckle as the boy bowed his head with a grin. Somehow, he knew what she wanted to do so he in turn brushed away her bangs with one hand. Their faces came closer. Their eyes fluttered shut. They both exhaled simultaneously and then- "Ow-" Marinette quickly pulled back but didn't get far as the blonde's other hand was resting tightly on her waist. She found that she didn't mind. What she did mind however was the scalding pain now on her forehead and some stinging wisps that somehow caught her cheek like paper cuts drenched in salt. "It looks like even our hair can cause us pain," Her giggles turned Adrien's frown upside down and before he knew it, he was joining her. "I think the reason we can still hold each other like this is cos the suit is providing a barrier between our skin. This soulmark kinda sucks..." Adrien received another giggle and he internally decided that it was his most favourite sound to listen to. "Well, as long as we don't fall in love with each other, we should be pretty fine. Anyways, what's your name?" "Me? I'm err- I'm Chat Noir of course~" Noir gave a saucy wink, prompting an eye roll from his red counterpart. This boy was so expressive, a fact that she noted fondly. "And you? Mademoiselle...?" "Ah-" Hoping to impress him, Marinette twirled her yoyo, attempting a cool trick. "I'm Ma-" SMACK.  The yoyo hit his head by accident, causing the feline hero to clutch the sore spot and groan. He squinted one eye open with a glare which only scrutinised her further as she had the audacity to look sheepish. "...Maladroit..." ~(x)~ She was so courageous... So strong... So smart... So... Miraculous. As for him? He couldn't help but fall in love. His mind screamed at his heart's betrayal, cursing the wretched organ for doing the one thing that's probably going to destroy him in the future. Yet, Chat Noir couldn't care less. She was worth it. ~(x)~ He was so kind... So humble... So sweet... So... Wonderful. Falling in love with him was just inevitable. She shouldn't have to worry about falling for her partner and causing him so much more pain than she already has. Who knows? Maybe he's also fallen for another girl today. Fate had other plans as soon as their fingers touched when Adrien handed her the umbrella. The duo clutched their hands to themselves with a hiss, ignoring the umbrella that was dropped on the floor as they were instantly soaked by the rain. The burn like marks that peppered their fingers was a grim evidence of their bittersweet fate. Dupain-Cheng and Agreste observed one another with astonishment. After digesting the information that the love of his life and the fiery classmate that sat behind him are one and the same, Adrien smiled apprehensively and looked away. He wouldn't be surprised if the misunderstanding today was enough to make Marinette turn tail and run. What he didn't expect however, was a tug on his white blazer and a pair of blue eyes gazing into his. "He-Hey there...Chaton," He also shouldn't be surprised with how the girl never ceases to amaze him. "I really want to hug you but I don't think your bodyguard would appreciate you screaming in pain," She winked playfully but the blush never left her cheeks. Oh God did he love her. "I think we both should start covering up more if we want to indulge ourselves, My Lady," His gentle tone was more than enough to melt Marinette's heart and she found herself falling for him a dozen times more. Judging by the way he eyed her lips, the feeling's hopefully mutual. Suddenly, a mischievous spark glittered in Adrien's eyes and before she knew it, Marinette's vision was encased with white as the boy threw his blazer over her, covering her head. "Hey-" The rest of her protests was left unheard as she was encased against a warm chest and strong arms. A happy sigh escaped from the model's lips as he gripped her tighter. Marinette found herself thanking heaven as the shirt covered her face which was redder than strawberry. "I'm so glad it's you, Marinette," He whispered. "B-B-But- I was so MEAN to you-" She didn't know whether she stuttered because of the cold or because of the close proximity. She hoped that Adrien didn't pick up on it. Judging from the smirk that she felt on her head despite the fabric barrier, he definitely noticed. "Yeah, but it was hot," He couldn't help but laugh heartily when she squeaked in embarrassment, covering her face under the blazer. Marinette pinched the fabric down when he pulled away, revealing her face so that she can see her soulmate at his happiest. Those dancing apple green eyes will forever be committed to her memory. "I'll see you tomorrow my...heh...my Marinette," Adrien gave her a wave, quickly handing Marinette the umbrella with cheeks as rosy as hers before heading to his car, looking back with a lovestruck smile. 'Yes, definitely mutual,' Marinette mused to herself contently. Tikki slipped out of her purse, nuzzling the girl's cheek with a delighted chirrup and then indicated that they should be getting home. Under a different umbrella, not too far away but also not too close, Master Fu contemplated the scene that just befell. After a few more moments of thinking, he and Wayzz gave each other matching smiles. "Excellent choice, master," "Usually, I'd rather not have the wielders know each others identities...but those two are simply made for each other," ~(x)~ Adrien and Marinette tried their best to keep their soulmark a secret. They really did. However, they learnt a harsh lesson that Alya has a loud voice and Nino can't keep a secret to save his life. In a matter of minutes during the next day of school, everyone knew that the duo were soulmates and in a matter of hours, everyone knew what their soulmark was. Perhaps, the rumours wouldn't have been as fuelled had they not been wearing matching thin, silky gloves. A quick creation that the French-Asian whipped up till late at night so that they can hold hands and freely touch each other. "Can't they just go back to discussing about Ladybug and Chat Noir again?" Marinette whined, carefully leaning her head on Adrien's shoulder so that it didn't touch his bare skin. They were hiding in an empty classroom, eating lunch without anyone else to disturb them. "You want them to stop talking about us by talking about us? If you say so, Princess," The blonde haired boy snickered in response, getting a mock scowl from his girlfriend. 'Ah~ girlfriend!' He swooned internally. "The look on Chloe's face will always satisfy me," Mari ignored Adrien's playful 'Hey!' and cackled. The heroine gave him a look till he succumbed into laughter along with her. Finally, they calmed down and began talking more. About everything and about nothing. "Whoever made the laws for soulmates, I'll literally give my soul to them for free," The model's gloved fingers combed through the designer's hair as she rested her head on his lap. She only blinked back inquisitively. "Father can't keep us apart legally, no matter what. He's just gonna have to deal with the fact that I found my Lady, my soulmate," His eyes were full of so much love that Marinette could have cried. "Do you want me to come with you to disclose the news?" Marinette stroked his cheek, widening his smile. "Judging from the million texts I've received from Nathalie as soon as Chloe stormed out when she found out about us, I think he already knows," "Aren't you worried?" "Nah, I have you." Marinette's cheeks were literally aching from all the smiling. Her hand tangled up in his hair and she opened her mouth to speak when- "Tch!" A hiss involuntarily escaped her mouth as his hair made contact with her bare wrist. Adrien winced at the pain that shot to the root of his scalp and swiftly moved her hand away with a frown, concern evident on his face as he eyed the red marks that blotched her fair skin. His shoulders sagged down with the weight of their situation. "Adrien, we'll be okay," Marinette reminded him. She brought her fingers back into his hair but this time, carefully. "So no more of that kicked puppy look," Adrien found himself beaming again. ~(x)~ Chat Noir couldn't stand ignoring this anymore. He landed on the roof quite loudly, alerting Ladybug up ahead and bringing her to a stop. She spun around only to see her partner cross his arms with a raised brow. The heroine couldn't help but roll her eyes fondly at his sassy pose. He doesn't realise it but a lot of his civilian side's gestures and habits do seep into his hero's side no matter how much he protests. "What's up?" Ladybug was finally close enough for the boy to rest his hands on her shoulders, giving them a reassuring squeeze. "I should be asking you that, Bug." Chat noted the way her shoulders tensed for a split second till Ladybug plastered on a false face of cheerfulness. "What do you mean? I'm fine," "Oh yeah? Well I'm Chloe Bourgeois." That got a scoff from her and his smirk widened for a moment before relaxing back into a neutral frown. "You can tell me anything, you know that right?" This time, her cheeks broke into a flush and Ladybug couldn't help but fidget on the spot. They've been dating for about a month and half so it's natural for her to think of stuff like this, right? "I...I just really want to kiss you..." She admitted shyly. Chat couldn't help but exhale sharply. He's glad that he wasn't alone with those thoughts- he's been wanting to feel those soft lips against his ever since their first victory as Ladybug and Chat Noir. Alas, their fate is a bitch and a half. "I want to kiss you too...so badly," The feline hero settled on the next best thing and grasped her hand. He brought her knuckles to his lips, kissing them soundly and ever so lovingly with his eyes boring into hers. Ladybug felt exhilarating shivers run down her spine and her knees almost wobbled. "Do you...do you think if I applied some gloss or special lipstick, it'll act as a barrier?" She almost faltered towards the end of her sentence when Chat brushed his lips on the tips of her fingers. He really knew how to get under her skin... "I don't want to risk hurting you," He quipped. "I'm a selfish, greedy, cat. One taste of you and I'll never let you go." His other hand trailed a finger across her bottom lip, tracing the rims, memorising every groove and feeling. "What if I don't want you to let me go?" Her voice was barely a whisper. All she got was a pair of eyes staring back with so much sorrow. ~(x)~ "I've never seen a flower petal so big and delicate!" Marinette cradled the fragile thing as carefully as she could possibly could. The gloves that Adrien's father has created for both her and Adrien were thin enough for them to touch and feel everything like a second skin but thick enough to stop the soulmark from hurting each other. This petal felt like the same material as their black gloves with the exception of it being a translucent white and a soft pink gradient running from the tips. "You're always looking for inspiration for your work girl and when Maman brought home these pretty flowers, I couldn't help but sneak a petal out just for you~" Alya gave an affectionate kiss on Marinette's forehead, bringing her into her arms. Mari giddily repeated her thanks over and over again. Adrien regarded the scene was envy. He watched the girls bitterly and his hands curled up into tight fists inside coat pockets. He wished that he was able to freely touch Marinette like that. To bring her into his arms without any caution. To run his bare fingers through her hair without a care. To kiss those sweet, soft, sugary looking lips. Nino patted his shoulder sympathetically. Adrien was grateful for the DJ's sentiments but he didn't understand, no one but him and Marinette understood the pain. Nino and Alya were quick to find out they're soulmates as soon as the latter gained a bruise whilst chasing an akuma and the former found a bruise on himself on the same spot out of the blue. It just wasn't fair. It also didn't help that Marinette is affectionate on her own terms. She's always hugging her friends, gives and takes lots of kisses on the cheeks and so on. It's as if Plagg could feel his discomfort and the annoying kwami simply snickered in his jacket pocket. What did the kwami say every time Adrien mooned over Marinette? Oh! "Should have fallen in love with cheese instead kid," Absolutely helpful. All of a sudden, a brilliant idea popped up to mind and Adrien couldn't stop the Chat Noir like grin that smothered his face. Ignoring Nino's confused questions, the model made way to his partner, twirling her out of Alya's arms. "Hey! Don't you know it's rude to disturb best friend bonding time?" The brunette's words contrasted her cheeky smile, highlighting that there's no animosity behind her words. Not that she'd ever be offended- according to Marinette, Alya enjoyed riling him up just to see how he reacts. "Adrien?" Marinette's cute pout brought him back to reality, now putting his plan in motion. Gently, he plucked the petal out of her hands with his gloved pair and then pushed it against her lips. Taking a second to eat up the downright adorable image, Adrien tilted his head and then leaned in carefully, placing his lips over the petal right where her lips were underneath. He wished that he thought of this sooner. He's died and has gone to heaven and then died again but good lord, he's fallen in love all over again. The duo were deaf to their best friends and class' cheers in the background as they relished the kiss. It was like the sun rays have seeped into their skin and drowned them in warmth. They never wanted this feeling to end. ~(x)~ Lycée Marinette has never wanted to slap collège Marinette upside the head so badly than she does right now. She should have realised that hormones would only aggravate the sexual tension even further between her and Adrien. There's only so much indirect kissing they can do before they started to get hungry for more. Right now, Marinette couldn't stop ogling her partner as he laid down peacefully on her chaise. Her eyes hungrily scanned every part of his body, trailing from his built but slim torso, his strong but tender arms that lead to his broad chest, his long legs and lastly, his beautifully sculpted lips. The years has done him good, oh so good. And she can't even touch him with her bare hands! With a huff, she spun around on her computer chair for the umpteenth time mindlessly. She wondered how different things would have been if soulmates weren't a thing. "Wanna talk about what's on your mind?" Chat's voice made her jump all of a sudden and then Marinette settled on a scowl. Noir was already sitting up, watching her with a knowing smile. "Or do I have to tickle it out of you again?" She definitely did not want that. "I'm just being selfish," Marinette mumbled out. Her peripheral vision caught the hero sauntering towards her with a stealth that rivalled his namesakes. "Good. You're always giving, never taking. I'd be worried if you don't have any selfish thoughts in between," He tipped her chin up lightly with a finger whilst leaning into her space with his other hand pressed on the back of her chair. A perfect opportunity where a normal couple would have shared a kiss. Sadly, they're not normal. "I want more intimacy..." Judging by the way Chat didn't react to her statement, he probably already knew where her thoughts lied in advance. He just knew her that well. "We can't even touch each other and here I am thinking about something so advanced..." She was silenced when his fingers brushed her lips. "Me too," Chat admitted. Sighing, he rested his head against Marinette's stomach, encircling his arms around her. The indestructible suit felt cool against her bare arms. "I fantasise about so many things, things I want to do to you," His voice was darkened with lust but his face remained hidden. "Tell me." "I want to see the parts of you that you've never shown to anyone else," His hands were now trailing her back, claws digging into the flesh through the fabric leaving only goosebumps. "I want to touch you..." His hands were now on her sides and then they smoothed upwards. "Here," His thumbs grazed the swell of her breasts. "There," His fingers gripped her hips tightly. "And there," His hands squeezed her upper thighs before sliding down and parting her legs so that his thumbs could rub circles into the inner flesh. He pulled his face away so that he can gaze at her intensely. "And more," Marinette couldn't help but let out the deep exhale she's been holding, never moving her eyes away from his questioning pair. With a determined but timid nod, Marinette pinched the hem of her tank top and brought one of Chat's hands to the fabric. "Please..." Now having the girl's permission, Chat Noir didn't hold back. The top ended up as nothing but tatters once his claws got through with them. His heart however, fell in love once again as he took in the sight of his beloved soulmate. ~(x)~ "Nino, what kind of dumbass question is that!?" "Come on Adrien, bro, I was just curious," "About mine and Mari's sex life!?" "So you do have one!" Nino was joined with whoops and wolf whistles from the rest of the boys in the changing room. The only thing that Adrien could do was simply groan with the tips of his ears and cheeks as red as his girlfriend's alter ego's suit. Him flipping a middle finger at his best friend only encouraged the boys to laugh louder. "Like, I don't mean to be insensitive or anything- but how did you guys manage to fuck when you have the whole 'if we touch, we are agonised in scrutinising pain~' thing?" Kim's question was met with another frustrated yell from the blonde and a dirty sock was thrown at his face, much to the Asian's distaste. "Oh gee I dunno? By using a condom? And being super careful? Use your brain Lê Chiến!" The teen genuinely wished the floor would just swallow him whole right now. "Now that I think about it, that question was really stupid after all," Nino acknowledged, wanting to spare his bro from anymore humiliation. "At least you won't have to worry about hickeys or bites." "Just cos you forced my intimate life out in the open doesn't mean I want to know yours." "B-but...bro!" "No." "BRO!" ~(x)~ She was now twenty-five and he, twenty-six. The superhero duo gazed at their home, their city, a content smile resting on their lips. Ladybug nudged her husband, her partner, her soulmate. He in turn nudged back and then faced the woman. They've gone through so much in over a decade. From akuma battles, to the unveiling of Le Papillon being his bastard of a father, to the rise of a new butterfly villain and so much more. Not to mention the rollercoaster of a civilian life they have currently. Marinette has become the new fashion sensation, building up from her own hard work with the help of her wonderful Chaton and friends. Adrien himself was working for Marinette's parents as they've become a professional patisserie company, creating the most sensational desserts and combing the most intricate flavours that would make the Cheng Shifu proud. He even models for Marinette from time to time. They were so content with their life right now. Though, there is one thing that they both really want. Three things in particular. Three specific beings. "You gonna tell me how we're gonna get our Emma, Hugo and Louis yet, Bug?" No matter how many years would go past, Adrien would never fail to make his wife blush one way or another. He takes great pride in that. "It's either, we go for the most painful, terrifying sex in the world-" "My dick says no." "OR! We go for IVF." "My dick says yes." "Of course, that's all you think about with these days, you pervert." Ladybug smacked his shoulder, winning a hearty laugh from Chat Noir. Her bob cut tickled the base of her neck as the wind blew against her hair gently. She couldn't help but fall in love again. Even if her husband is just an oversized cat with an addiction to puns, cries whilst watching cartoons and has a hearty appetite when it comes to her in particular. "Say, if the IVF is successful, did you know that you're more likely to have multiple babies at once?" Chat's grin simply grew at the way his Lady instantly clutched her stomach. "I hope not..." His grin grew wider. "If we get twins or more, you're gonna have to binge watch One Piece with me." "Oh my God you fucking weeb! And why THAT one!? It has like a thousand episodes!" "But! If it's only one baby, I'll throw away my favourite banana costume that you despise so much." "I don't understand why you're so attached to that monstrosity." "IT'S A WORK OF ART!" . . . ~(x)~ A/N: It's 8am and I haven't slept what the actual fu-

[fandom-necromancer]

022. ‘If you want to talk about it then say so. Don’t lie and pretend to be fine when you clearly aren’t.’

This was prompted by an awesome anon! Just to be clear, I am not trans myself and I can’t possibly know what you are going through. This is written based on research and what trans people shared online, so if anything I wrote here is wrong or offending, please tell me!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900 (Warning: trans character written by a non-trans person, body/gender disphoria, accidental misgendering (that is corrected), person misunderstanding body disphoria as mysogyny, dealing with past trauma, mentioned suicide attempt of minor character)

[part2]

‘Ya goddamn lunatic, we didn’t sign up for this shit, this is dangerous!’ Gavin would have chosen some other words, but other than Hank, Connor and Nines, he was phcking coughing around a gag he had gotten for some of these carefully chosen words. They were kicked into a chamber together that was promptly closed and even a strong punch from either RK couldn’t make the frame budge. How they had gotten themselves was easy: A damn rookie mistake from Detroit’s best. They had acted on a hunch and had suffered the consequences as they ended up being kidnapped by someone who considered himself the next big brain in science. Well, maybe the idiot was, Gavin wouldn’t know, maybe this machine would work and revolutionise society. But even if what their kidnapper told them was right, they hadn’t signed up for being the damn lab rats to go through it!

It had been so close, too. The room they had been held captive in the last few days had kept them isolated, but as soon as they were outside the androids could send a distress call. Unfortunately, the police roughly took thirteen minutes to respond to high priority calls and an average of thirty-three to second priority calls. So somewhere in between they could be rescued. The small house the lunatic used for these science experiments was traversable in less than two. And there was only so much resistance you could put up before landing in a phcking chamber that would phck your complete life over.

Seven minutes in, the chamber was powered up and it felt like being burned for the few seconds it lasted. Gavin and Hank screamed as every cell of their body was changed. Connor and Nines felt it too, but it didn’t hurt for them, it was more of a dull throb as their hull-pieces changed form and biocomponents changed functions. The more terrifying it was for them to watch their humans as they had the spare processing power to realise what was happening. As Hank and Gavin fell to the floor once the chamber had powered down their android’s managed to catch them. ‘Gavin! Hey, Gavin, say something!’, Nines demanded, hearing his brother do the same. Only as Gavin opened his eyes and locked them with his looking exhausted, Nines allowed his stress levels to settle a bit.

It was nine and a half minutes in, that there was noise outside. Nines rested Gavin against the wall before reassuring his human he would be back soon. Then he stood up and walked to the small window on the door. From there he could see the scientist still triumphantly grinning, telling members of Allen’s SWAT team he was victorious and that it worked, before lifting the pistol he had threatened them with to his head and pulling the trigger. Nines stared in shock as the body sunk to the floor and SWAT surrounded the man. Nines knocked at the chamber again to draw attention and an officer quickly figured out how to open the door via the terminal the scientist had stood behind before.

‘You got to be kidding me’, Sixty cursed shocked, while the rest of the team that wasn’t busy getting the scientist to the waiting ambulance stared with open mouths. Even Allen didn’t know what to say, as four women stepped out of the chamber.

-

Nines studied his human closely over the desk. There were a few changes that were difficult to overlook. His shoulders were a bit narrower now, his hips slightly wider and a change in posture due to the added weight in the front. What did he himself looked like? Most likely similar to Connor, if his brother’s change was anything to go by. ‘Would you quit staring for phck’s sake!’, Gavin hissed louder than he would like. ‘Everyone else does so already, don’t need your phcking judgement too!’ ‘I’m sorry’, Nines mumbled. ‘I wasn’t judging you.’ ‘Yeah sure you wasn’t.’ ‘Are you alright?’, Nines asked concerned. He knew this would be even harder for his partner than for the rest of them, but he had hoped to keep those words unspoken until they were home in private. ‘I’m fine!’, Gavin hearusfordern. ‘I’m better than ever!’ ‘Gavin.’ ‘No, don’t you Gavin me! Mind your own business!’ ‘If you want to talk about it then say so’, Nines whispered gently. ‘Don’t lie and pretend to be fine when you clearly aren’t. I’m here for you.’ But his human wasn’t having any of it. ‘we have work to do, Toaster!’

He sighed, hoping to get to talk with his husband once they were home. The fact that Gavin went straight to the bathroom and stayed there for a while was enough for Nines to know chances would be slim. He walked over to knock on the door, when Gavin came storming out and made a beeline for the kitchen. Nines sighed and entered the now empty bathroom to figure out a few things about his own body too.

Gavin knew the android would plan to talk with him about everything, he also knew that he needed it dearly. But he didn’t want to. So, he had locked himself inside the bathroom and refused to look in the mirror. As Nines had come to check on him he darted for the kitchen. He needed something. Who knew what he needed, but he had to busy his hands. What had helped him in his youth? He tried to remember what he had done when people kept bothering him, kept staring and staring and… His hands flew to the cupboard, then to the fridge. Hot chocolate was the only thing he would be able to easily make and he knew coffee would only make it worse. But something sweet enough to keep the bile at bay and something warm and comforting? Maybe he would at least calm down enough to actually use his brain again and talk to the one goddamn person he had ever really opened up to. The damn person that was stuck in the same situation. Well, not the same, but…

The microwave plinged him from his thoughts and he took the cup that was burning hot. ‘Shit!’, he cursed and hated how his voice had changed. It sounded higher. Maybe that was only his imagination, but that was enough to send him to the edge again. He gulped down the first mouthful of the sweet drink that was way too hot and burned enough to push tears to his eyes. Of course, that was the moment the toaster decided to come out of the bathroom and look at him. Phck. Gavin stormed towards the bedroom, leaving his cup behind and slamming the door. He needed to be alone, he needed to forget everything and just phcking let it all out.

It near physically hurt Nines to see Gavin avoid him and struggle with this alone, but he let him. The man wasn’t ready yet to accept help. Also, Nines didn’t know he could provide it. He wasn’t there when Gavin had gone through it the first time, he didn’t know what he needed. He looked at the cup of hot chocolate and took it into his hands. He would give him some more time. As it was at a drinkable temperature, he made his way over to the bedroom. He gently knocked at the door before entering, deliberately avoiding looking at the man that was lying on his front. ‘Don’t even try to phcking talk to me, alright?’, he threatened quietly, tired. Nines nodded, putting the cup on his bedside table and sitting on the edge of the bed. He waited for any other reaction and got it, when Gavin sat up groaning and took the cup, scooting closer. ‘I’m sorry. I’ll go to sleep now, okay?’ Nines nodded, taking refuge in the others weight against his side. Gavin still trusted him. That was all he needed to know for now. There would come the time to talk.

-

The next morning unfortunately, everything had changed again. ‘Where the phck is the goddamn mirror, tin-can?!’ Nines flinched in the kitchen while making breakfast. He looked over to where Gavin was standing in the doorframe. ‘I put it away’, he admitted. ‘Hey, toaster, if this is some kind of sympathy trip, then-‘ ‘It’s not!’, Nines was quickly defending himself, hoping to diffuse the situation. ‘I didn’t want to see me like this yesterday. I should have put it back up. You can of course take it if you are fine with it. I just didn’t want it.’ ‘If I’m fine?’ The android immediately knew he had said the wrong thing. ‘Nines, you don’t believe how not-fine I am with this. I am a woman again for phcks sake! Do you know how much effort I put into passing as a man? All that for nothing. I’m a phcking woman again!’ ‘Gavin, please, I-’ ‘No, I don’t want to hear it. Don’t come at me with the trapped in the wrong body bullshit. I’m fine with my body. I’m not fine with how people stare at me. How there is the need to know what I have between my legs. How they decide my pronouns for me instead of just asking. So, don’t you even try telling me how everything is good or will be good again, because right now, it just isn’t!’ Nines took a deep breath. ‘Gavin, I wasn’t going to say any of that. It is not for me to voice these thoughts even if I had them.’ ‘Good!’, the human near shouted. ‘Good.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Let’s get the phck to work then, this shit is only temporarily until we get this machine to work again and time flies when I’m knees deep in a murder investigation. Get a phcking move on!’

-

‘Hey, do you know where Reed is?’ ‘Hmm? Right there, why do you ask?’ ‘Oh, the new girl?’ ‘Hey, don’t say that! Didn’t you hear? He got caught up in some crazy shit, they are all turned. Nines, Connor, Hank…’ ‘Oh shit, my bad. Did they say something about how they want to be addressed?’ ‘Dunno, man.’

‘Hey, Gavin, do you have the SWAT report somewhere?’, Nines asked maybe a tick to loud to tune out their co-worker’s conversation. He didn’t know whether his partner could hear them, but he wanted to make sure none of that reached his ears. ‘Hmm? Yeah, has to be somewhere… Here you go.’ ‘Thanks.’ That was that navigated around, Nines thought, but his mood plummeted as he saw Hank and Connor walking over, a big smile on their faces.

‘And, how are you two faring?’, Hank asked, planting himself on Gavin’s table. The man just scrunched up his face in disgust. It made the Lieutenant laugh. Gavin tensed even more what made Nines take over quickly. ‘Well, how are you? I can’t believe you are taking it too well.’ Connor shrugged. ‘Well, gender has always been a bit weird for androids, hasn’t it? I don’t really mind it once you accommodated to it. I liked my old body better but I could live with it, should it be irreversible.’ ‘Well, I can’t’, Gavin spat at the other android. ‘What? Jeez, Gav, it’s 2039…’ Hank said, elbowing the man. ‘Or aren’t you not only anti-android but a fucking misogynist too?’ ‘I’m not-‘ Gavin gasped for air at it, but Nines was standing already. ‘Hank. Say another word and I will forcefully remove you from that table.’ ‘Alright, alright, fine. Just wanted to ask how it was going along.’ ‘Tech’s still working on figuring out how to make the chamber work. The scientist survived, but I don’t think he will ever be in the condition to explain anything higher than basic multiplication.’ ‘Shit. And any progress?’ ‘Turned a few mice to slush, don’t really want to call it progress yet’, Gavin mumbled. ‘Shit. Well, keep me updated. Me an’ Connor will head out for a new case.’ ‘Have fun.’

-

‘Phck Hank, seriously! Right when I thought the guy grew on me he says something like that.’ ‘I’m sure he meant it as a joke’, Nines tried to console Gavin walking up and down their living room. ‘Well, then it wasn’t funny at all.’ ‘I have to agree’, Nines sighed. Gavin flopped down next to him. ‘Phck, I really hope they get the damn thing working again’, Gavin breathed. ‘And I’m sorry I yelled at you so much, this all is just… It’s too much all over again.’ ‘I understand you’, Nines muttered. ‘I… err…’ ‘What?’ ‘Can I touch you? Or does it make things worse?’ ‘I don’t know’, Gavin answered on all honesty. ‘Can I try?’ ‘Yes, please.’

Nines leaned closer and laid his arms around the man. If he was being honest it wasn’t solely to comfort Gavin but also himself. This really wasn’t what he wanted. He felt uncomfortable as well, but with his feelings he only managed to catch a glimpse of what Gavin had to go through his entire youth and now again. ‘You are what you say you are’, he whispered into his ear. ‘I love you. I don’t know how to make this any better, but we will get through this together, okay? I’m sure they will figure things out soon.’ ‘Thank you. I know. It’s just… I feel extremely anxious about it. Well, it feels like anxiety, I’m more than just anxious about it. You know what I’ve been through before, you saw all of me already. You saw the-‘ ‘I saw you’, Nines confirmed. ‘But I still see you now. You are not only your body Gavin. To me your appearance only matters because it matters to you. And we will change it back I promise. You can trust me.’ Gavin relaxed in his arms and Nines held him. It felt good to have Gavin confiding in him again. They spent most of the evening like that, cuddled together, comforting each other. Nines had made him his hot chocolate again and as it became dark outside, they had relocated to their bedroom, staying connected all the time. Holding a hand, brushing against a hip. Gavin had become sleepy in his embrace and Nines was breathing slow against his neck. Although both were tired, sleep didn’t come easy and they stayed awake far beyond their normal time, together and still alone with their thoughts.

Until at four o’clock Nines huffed out a small laugh and pressed Gavin close. ‘What happened?’, Gavin asked confused, slurring the words. ‘Gavin? I just got a message from Connor. The mice survived.’ Immediately Gavin was awake. ‘What means?’ He turned around looking at Nines full of hope. The android smiled and kissed Gavin’s forehead. ‘That means it’s time for the lab rats to try it. Come on, get dressed!’

[>next part]

[teddybeardoctorr]

Bleachers

Characters: Dean Winchester x Reader AU(ish)

Summary: Dean Winchester is the new kid in school. The new, hot, douchey kid, that is. And he knows your secret.

Words: 3,856k

Warnings: 18+, Dean being a little shit, making out, smut, p in v, rough sex, public / outside sex, unprotected sex, underage sex technically (like 17, but no mention of it), choking, some dirty talking/cursing. 

A/N - I am a sucker for a young!Dean Winchester trope, since the After School Special is glorious. I wrote the first thing on my mind to get myself out of a writer’s block, so tadaaa. Unbetaed, all mistakes are my own. Hope you enjoy!

"Pssst."

Continuing to take your notes down, you glanced to your right. That's where the sound must've came from. Thinking it probably wasn't to grab your attention, you kept looking at the chalkboard to copy down the words.

"Pssst."

Huffing quietly, you turn your head.

Oh, it was just him. But what the hell did he want? 

The new senior in school. Dean Winchester. Claimed he wasn't going to be here long enough to actively take notes for the exam coming up.

You raised your eyebrows, questioning. He shrugged as his eyes lowered down to the floor. Following his line of vision, you noticed an intricately folded paper lying next to your foot.

When your eyes traveled back up, he smirked. 

Instinctively, you tucked your hair behind your ear and clenched your thighs together. 

Damnit. He was a douche, but he was a hot douche.

Making sure the teacher wasn't paying attention, you carefully picked up the note and sat straight up. Just as you were about to quietly open the paper, the bell rang and everyone rose from their seats to shuffle out. Dean stood up, too, not even bothering looking back at you to watch your reaction as you read the words he scrawled on the paper. 

Too cute to be a hunter. 

Gulping, you shakily crumpled the paper and stuffed it in your bag. You collected your notebook, textbook, and pen, and scrambled out of the class, hoping your breath was even and your face wasn't flush.

What did he mean by that?

The rest of the school day went on like a blur. You went through the motions and talked to your friends in between, but you couldn't shake his handwritten words out of your mind. Of course, you were probably being dramatic and what he wrote meant nothing. Then again, if it meant nothing, why did he write it?

Nothing was making sense and you were glad you could walk the mile home to unwind after school. It was mid September and the weather bordered summer and fall, your two favorite seasons. Maybe the slight breeze and sunny sky would touch your skin and calm you.

"Do you agree?"

Hearing that smooth, sexy voice stopped you dead in your tracks. You could tell who was talking probably from several miles away.

Slowly turning around, there he was. Standing against the bottom of the stone steps outside of the school building. Flicking a lighter on and off in his hand. His leather jacket hanging too heavy on his frame, but making him look even more delectable.

"You don't talk?"

Shaking your head, your mouth gaped open and closed before you stuttered, "Uh-um what?"

"You agree? You're too cute to be a hunter?"

Startled, you looked around at the students passing by. You stepped forward with a finger to your lips. "Shhh. Someone could hear you."

He snorted. "And do what?"

"Not so loud," you scowled, clutching the strap of your backpack on your shoulder.

"You hunt monsters but are scared to talk above a whisper?"

Clicking your tongue against the roof of your mouth, you tilted your head. "What does it concern you?"

He shook his head, pursing his lips. "It doesn't. But it's the first time I've seen anyone else this young with a rosary around their water bottle."

You kicked yourself mentally for keeping your backpack wide open during class. Usually, you were more discreet and conspicuous. But when you have an insanely hot boy sitting next to you, you sort of throw away all of your common sense.

Yeah. You will definitely blame him for this one.

"What do you want?" You relented, sighing. 

"Just wanted to talk to you," he replied, smirking and standing up straight. Even with that baggy leather jacket over his shoulders, his chest was broad and stood strong. The breeze gave you a whiff of his cologne as he stepped closer, and it took everything in you not to inhale the delicious scent. "I'm a hunter, too."

"Well, obviously," you replied, annoyed. 

"Is it that obvious?"

"You know what a hunter is. You're going to be here for two weeks tops, and you have a ghoul bite on your leg."

"How did you-"

"When you bent down in your desk and scratched that scar next to your ankle. You're not the only one watching."

"Oh, I'm not?"

Damnit. Another mental kick. Next time, you're getting a punch.

He laughed, stepping closer until you had to tilt your head back to take him in fully. You had such a nice view of his full lips and green orbs sparkling with mischief. And it bothered you to no end that you couldn't just walk away or brush him off.

Every part of Dean demanded attention, and every nerve ending in your hands were happy to oblige.

"Come with me."

Taking a few steps past your shoulder, you turned around. Incredulously, you shook your head and snickered. He turned his head over his shoulder, glancing back. "Come on."

"What if I had something to do?"

"Now, you don't."

You could just let him walk further. You could just flip him off and walk home. But there was something about the crunch of his boots against the gravel that was music to your ears. There was something about the way his bowed legs walked, carrying him straight as he assumed confidence. It lured you to follow him without a second's hesitation.

He glanced over at you, smirking coyly. "Didn't think so."

Even though Dean was new at school, he already knew his way to the football field. It confused you, but then a part of your brain boiled with annoyance. Of course he knew where the field was. That's where the bleachers were also located; for people to skip class or lunch so they could make out obnoxiously underneath.

The fence separated the field, and the parking lot also had a locked fence surrounding it. But there was an opening of the fence Dean pushed open further, allowing you to dip inside first. Ducking under his arms, you gulped and went through, feeling his warmth radiate once he followed you and abandoned the rusty metal.

It was silent as you both made the silent walk under the bleachers. You couldn't understand why your body was already buzzing with nerves.

"I take it this is your favorite place," you said dryly, feeling the shadow of the seats darken your path. 

He snorted. "Why you say that? Do I seem like an all star quarterback?"

You rolled your eyes. "More like an all star douche." 

"Ouch. I'm willing to forgive you for saying that."

"Why is that?"

Once you both walked to the furthest wall of the bleacher, concealed from all sides, he turned around. Staring down at you with the corner of his lip curled in a playful smile. From this spot, you could only be spotted if someone stood by the seats and squinted their eyes through the staggered rows. Only rays of sun bled through and offered enough view to see where you were going. Yet, even in the darkness, his eyes still shined and grew darker as they traveled all over.

You should feel disgusted. You should feel uncomfortable. You shouldn't have followed this stranger here.

Yet, every part of his presence demanded your attention. Every part of your body anticipated and yearned for his touch. From his hands to his lips; you wanted him all over. And that terrified you.

No one you had ever known for a few days ever made you feel this way. Ever.

It probably also helped that he was insanely attractive. Anyone with eyes could see that.

"Because I like you," he stated, biting his lower lip.

You bite the inside of your cheek to stifle an embarrassing sound from escaping. Unable to connect your eyes with his, you asked, "How did you come to that conclusion?"

"You make it sound like a science experiment."

"Because you don't even know me."

"But I want to."

You gulped, hoping he couldn't hear you reach for air deep inside your chest. 

"You're wasting your time," you muttered.

Suddenly, your chin was being held upward. You focused your vision onto his eyes, wondering why he was a little forceful, but secretly reeling at his control. His green pools turn and swirled darker, boring into yours.

"If there's one thing I know how to do," he started softly, "it's how to make good use of time. You don't treat me like the other girls here. And you're a hunter. What's not to like?"

Pressing your lips in a thin line, you darted your eyes elsewhere, but the lightest press of his fingers on your chin brought them back to his. He smiled and chuckled to himself.

"What?"

He shook his head once. "You just don't know the effect you have. I like it."

"Neither do you."

The words blurted past your lips before you could catch yourself. Your eyes widened in fear, but it only made Dean smile wider. Honestly, you're sure the only reason your knees didn't buckle at the sight of it is because of his grip on you.

His head ducked down a bit lower as his eyes started to flutter closed. Deciding since he was going for it, you would too, you inched your neck up until you felt the soft touch of his lips against yours.

You never knew lips could feel so soft, full, and supple. Instantly, you moaned into his mouth, running your tongue along his bottom lip until he let you in. He tasted of mint and another flavor you couldn't put your finger on. So of course, it would only be right to tangle your hands into his hair. That way, you could bring him closer and kiss him deeper.

Feeling his lips smirk against yours, he drug the strap of your pack down your arm before it landed on the ground with a soft thud. Then, his hands settled on your hips. His fingers subtly tugged on you, bringing you flush against him. With his tongue sliding against yours fluidly before nipping at your lip and sucking it between his own, you weren't sure you ever wanted to come up for air.

One hand traveled to the small of your back, sneaking its way under the hem of your shirt. You sighed against his mouth at the warmth of his hand. Only now, you wanted all of his flesh against you. He probably felt just as warm everywhere else.

Growing bolder, you took his upper lip between your teeth to suckle on it. He groaned, his fingers digging into your hip and making your middle stir with awakened desire. 

"God," he said breathily, breaking his lips from yours. "You're killing me here."

You giggled, attacking his lips again. There was just something about the way he moved against yours. Like he knew how to draw those tiny gasps from your mouth. Like he knew how to make electric currents zip through your nerves until you were grasping at his jacket and bringing him impossibly closer. He knew exactly how to move against your tongue and make you so dizzy that he had no choice but to hold you upright.

Finally ending his assault, his lips dip down to the underside of your jaw to place a kiss there. Then, they dip down to the curve of your neck and collarbone, placing a kiss before showing it much needed attention from his tongue and teeth. 

"Dean," you moaned, arching into him.

He groaned in response before suckling on your skin. Once done leaving his mark, he kissed the spot he bruised and said, "God, you're beautiful."

Lightly tugging on his hair, he rose his head and planted another long kiss to your lips. His nose brushed against yours and you sighed again. It was unbelievable that this was happening, but you didn't mind the surprise one bit.

Pulling away, he looked down at you and brushed a stray piece of hair behind your ear, mouth agape before asking, "Have any plans tonight?"

This time, without hesitation, you shook your head and smiled. "Not anymore."

"So you don't mind if I come over?"

"For what?"

"Well," he began, looking up as if he was thinking about it, "I don't think I kissed you enough. I think I have to kiss you some more."

"Why not just continue here?"

"You're eager." He chuckled

You smiled, feeling your cheeks deepen a shade of red. "Maybe."

To avoid saying anything else you didn't mean to slip, you reached up on your toes and kissed him again. The moan and pull of his body against yours was instant. It filled you with warmth, like no other sensation had ever felt before. 

Somehow, there was a sense of urgency this time around. Your hands traveled everywhere, from his chest, to his muscled arms, to his waist to latch your fingers onto the belt loops of his jeans to bring him against you. His hands traveled from your hips, to the sides of your thighs, until they crawled to your ass to grope and squeeze in his hands.

He groaned against your lips. "Do you want me as much as I want you?"

Words failed you, so all you did was nod, staring at his gaping lips before looking up into his hooded eyes. They were playful, lusting, and reeling you in until you had to attack his lips again. You wanted him so bad it was terrifying. 

Your lips melded perfectly against his. But this time, they were dancing fast with no sense of rhythm. It was all tongues, teeth, and wet lips melding together. You didn't even mind, cause you managed to get that baggy leather jacket off his shoulders. He was able to dip his hands underneath your skirt until the fabric pooled at your waist. Shivers would’ve engulfed you by now, had it not been for his body encasing yours.

Urging you to turn around with a tug of your hips, you obliged and bent over with the help of Dean’s hand splaying across your lower back. His other hand gripped your hip, keeping you in place. Your fingers clutched the bleachers in front of you tightly. That was good, so he couldn't see you shaking.

“You ready, sweetheart?”

Moaning softly, you nodded, words becoming a jumbled mess in your head. Surely, something embarrassing would come out, so you hoped the rocking of your hips back against his covered member would tell him all he needed to know.

It did, cause with a low growl, he got to work on undoing his belt buckle and jeans. With a swift push of the fabric down his cock, he pressed it against the middle of your cheeks. You gasped at the feel of him against you, swollen and ready for you. It made you smirk, knowing you could cause him to want you as badly as you wanted him.

“Please,” you cried out. “Please Dean, fuck me.”

You had no idea where the sudden desire of having Dean fill you whole came from, but it hit you like a ton of bricks. All you could feel was the tip of your fingers tingle with anticipation. All you could do was wiggle your ass against him, feeling his hard flesh press into yours. All you could do was anticipate the feeling of your pussy wrapping around his hard cock. You only had sex two other times, with two other boys at school, but you didn’t care how he might stretch you painfully. Your inexperience flew out the window. All you cared about and wanted was him, Dean, all of him. 

He chuckled as he roughly shoved your panties to the side, allowing the head to travel up and down your folds. Your slick gathered around his tip before he let himself travel down to your clit. With this causing your hips to dance against him, desperate for more friction and some sort of release, he smirked devilishly. “Oh, I sure as hell will.”

You didn’t know how already, but you were starved for him to be inside of you. You had no idea what came over you, what caused you to crave every inch of him over you. But you did. You were too lust blind to even care how needy you sounded. All he did was drink it up. So when he placed his tip at your entrance and slowly slid himself inside, taking his time to feel you around him inch by inch, you couldn’t help the sound that would escape you. Once he was inside to the hilt, your back arched as a moan ripped through you.

“Oh fuck,” you let out, feeling him stretch you pleasurably. 

Dean rocked back and forth, slowly but then slamming his hips against you, bringing you forward. You couldn’t see, but from feeling every ridge slide against your velvety walls, you knew he had to be big. He grunted, his grip deadly as he praised, “God, you’re so fucking tight, Y/N.”

It was all you could do to moan in response as you felt him move inside, slow and calculated. He would withdraw until just the tip was encased by your walls. Then, he would slam into you with a force that had you gripping the seats until your knuckles turned white. Every time he was buried inside, you felt your pussy clench around him, your arousal allowing him to fuck into you with ease. Once he felt you push back against him to meet his thrusts, that’s when both of his hands gripped your hips tightly to meet his, fast and hard.

The slap of your wet pussy and skin against his mixed in with the slight breeze against the branches of the trees outside filled your ears. It had sounds of pleasure fall shamelessly from your lips. Everything about this was too good for you to think about anything other than meeting his pelvis and taking every inch of his thick, throbbing cock inside of you.

Where did he even learn to fuck this good?

Suddenly, one of his hands wrapped around to grip the front of your throat and brought you back, so his mouth was against your ear. Then, you realized you were outside. At the football field. Under the bleachers; where anyone could see you through the cracks of the seats. Yeah, you should probably be quieter, but fuck, you just couldn’t care. The prospect of getting caught made you even more aroused. It made you more excited to get him off with just your sex pulsing around him.

With tiny grunts of appreciation vibrating from his chest, Dean pressed his lips against your ear and asked through gritted teeth, “You just want the whole world to hear how good I fuck you, huh?”

“Y-Yes,” you cried out, gulping for air. “You fuck me so good.” The slight pressure of his fingers squeezing your throat made the coil in your belly tighten. It made your clit throb and your eyes see stars. You couldn’t remember ever feeling this light before, as if you were floating and about to crash all at the same time.

He groaned in appreciation, releasing your throat but grabbing your shoulder instead. Arching your back more and making you closer to him. “That’s right, baby. Gonna make you cum on my dick so fucking hard.”

If possible, Dean started to fuck into you even harder, even faster. His rhythm was sporadic and uneven, making him hit your cervix sometimes but rubbing against your most sensitive wall; your sweet spot. You were probably cursing and letting sounds you didn’t recognize fall from your lips, but you couldn't resist. All you could do was see stars, feel your toes curl in your shoes, feel the sensation building and growing tighter deep inside of you. 

"I'm g-gonna cum, fuck," you let out, throwing your head back and shutting your eyes.

It was as if he knew, one of his hands traveled down in front of you. In tight but evenly pressured circles, he rubbed your clit and sent a wave of pleasure through your core. You made a sound between a growl and moan and felt your knees buckle under his calculated touch. Faster than you could imagine, your orgasm washed over you, making you jerk and arch and push yourself against his dick even more.

“Oh my god, Dean!”

“That’s right, baby,” he chuckled, rubbing the tips of his fingers over your clit, lighter than before. “Cum all over me.”

Even with his fingers pressing into your bundle of nerves, causing over stimulation, you still allowed explicits to fill the air between you. Your throat felt dry and parched from all the sounds of approval exiting, but the feeling of his cock fucking into you felt even better. You didn’t even care about your knees growing sore, either. Not if it meant that his fingers and cock would make you even wetter.

Riding out your orgasm, Dean thrust into you over and over until you felt him still inside of you. You could just imagine his head tilted back, his eyes closed as he groaned and tightened his hold on you. He thrust a few more times inside, hard and fast. You shrieked in surprise, not expecting him to fuck you again but feeling your pussy pulse appreciatively around him, anyway.

After a few moments of growing soft inside of you, he withdrew with a sigh. Sounding relaxed. Sounding like he just ran a few miles straight. You hadn’t even realized before he touched your shoulder and urged you to turn around that you had been catching your own breath.

“You good, sweetheart?”

You laughed, feeling light. Feeling on top of the world. “I feel amazing.”

He smiled, ducking his head down to press a chaste kiss against your lips. Smiling against them as he said, “Good. You are amazing.”

Suddenly, you felt something wet glide down your leg. You looked down, your eyes widening. “What the-”

“Oops,” Dean finished, holding in laughter. Quickly, he took off his button up until he was sporting a simple gray t-shirt. “Let me get that.”

Tenderly, he cleaned his cum off your leg. You were glad he was occupied so he couldn’t see your cheeks flame with embarrassment. After what you had done, it seemed silly to be modest, but still. That was unexpected. All of this was, really.

You wouldn’t have ever imagined that you would’ve ended up having sex with Dean Winchester, the cocky hunter boy you were annoyed of and almost despised.

Once you both gathered yourself and clothes, leaving the button up behind, you both made your way back out from under the bleachers to the open gate. When Dean spread the fence open to allow you more room to duck through, he laughed.

“What?” You questioned, looking at his bemused expression.

“Guess you were right,” he said, his green eyes glinting and smile taking over his lips. “This is my favorite place.”

SPN Taglist<3: @donnaintx, @lauravic

[txemrn]

Catalyst

a Prequel to the Nanny Affair

Chapter 2: Covalence

Need to catch up? Chapter 1: Acquiesce

Rating: 18+ (Mature Audiences only)

Word count: 3255(+/-)

Warning: language; sexually suggestive language; mention of physical abuse, drug abuse, assault and adoption

"Alright, Pine Shadow family, here are your finalists!" Principal Larson's voice booms over the gym speakers. One would think he's announcing a night of rough and rumble with the WWE rather than announcing the award winners for a middle school science fair. Regardless, his enthusiasm is contagious much to the science departments delight. "Let's give them a big Wildcat round of applause for all of their hard work!"

As the audience abrupts into cheers, there she sits, melting into her chair as her knees bounce feverishly in fear. Her French-braided hair accompanies a denim headband, keeping the stray strands of brilliant wheat out of her gray eyes. Against her mother's disgust, she picks at the rubberbands attached to the hardware in her mouth. In her young 12-year-old mind, the audience seems to be doubling--no, tripling in size.

She worries if her hard work will payoff with a shiny blue ribbon--if any ribbon at all. Mrs. Ferguson and Coach Kincaid gave her nods of approval when she created elemental silver from the glucose mixture and Tollen's reagent-- who wouldn't be impressed with a 6th grader with an advanced passion for chemistry? But still, she worries.

"And," the principal continues, "our first place winner is--" The anticipation thickens the air as every movement seems to propel through space in slow motion. Like a dramatic montage of Rudy sacking the Georgia Tech quarterback to clutch the W for Notre Dame, or an injured Danny LaRusso crane-kicking Johnny Lawrence to become the All-Valley Karate Champion: this was her field; this was her stadium; this was her Hail Mary. All of the hours of research at the library; all of the frantic trips to the hobby store; the redundant presentation practices; the late evenings followed by the early mornings accompanied with the inevitable break downs. It all came down to this.

"Our first place winner is… Brynn Schuyler!" The applause is defeaning as time seems to stop. Did she hear the principal correctly? The name sounded very familiar--like her own name!

"Brynn Schuyler!" Did she really just win the coveted first place ribbon at the science fair? She froze, her tiny little body unable to process the abundance of emotion she was encountering all at once.

"Where is Brynn?" Outside of being gifted her hamster and her mom letting her wear clear lipgloss, this is the most incredible day of her life--

She feels a tap on her shoulder. "Ma'am?" The veiled-look from her eyes washes away; the clouds around her head vanish. Reality hits.  "Are you Brynn Schuyler?" She feels the warmth of rose flood over her fair complexion as the barista interrupts her morning ritual: reminiscing.

"Uh--yes," as she brushes her fingers over her brow, as if to create a shield to her embarrassment.

Smooth. Real smooth, Brynn.

She quickly brightens, extending her hands, "I'm sorry. That's--"

"Iced venti white mocha latte with a blueberry muffin… and two mini cinnamon maple scones?"

I don't know what would be nicer: reading out my order for everyone to hear or calling me a 'fatass'.

"--me. Yes, thank you," she whispers with gnashed teeth behind a courtesy grin. As she slithers back down into her seat at the local coffee house, Brynn hides the pastries in her backpack, keeping them well within her reach as she continues to work: scouring the wanted ads.

Next Tuesday makes four months of no job and no steady income. She has been on seven 'promising' interviews with no avail. She is able to keep her bill collector's away with her savings account, but even that was beginning to dwindle like her existence.

Brynn is a scientists, a chemist to be exact--or at least she was. Her love for science led her from the suburbs of 'the City of Brotherly Love' to the University of Massachusetts at Amherst where she studied education. Her dream was to impose the wonders of science on young minds as they experienced the physical world around them. But, after her personal observation of the devastation of Alzheimer's disease with her grandmother, she took an unexpected internship with the Massachusetts's Alzheimer's Disease Research Center. She realized she didn't want to just teach science; she wanted to do science. One Master's degree in Chemistry later, she was well on way to making a real difference in the world. Or so she thought.

'Benson's BBQ: Host needed'--maybe. 'Browning Steel: Welder with experience'--no. 'Bus Depot: driver wanted, great benefits'--no. 'Cutshall Clearance Store--stalker needed'-- surely they don't mean 'stalker', but they may need an ad editor.

She had scored the chance of a lifetime when she was hired on as one of the first female level I Chemists at the Lincoln Laboratory at MIT. She quickly graduated from fetching coffee, dry cleaning and business lunches for her superiors--also known as a research assistance--to finally being a project manager of her very own, very first multi-million dollar research study. But after twenty-months with no success, the funding was pulled on the project, the wind knocked out of her sails. The punches didn't stop there: her team of men threw her under the metaphorical bus and it was 'off with her head,' her moment of glory now over. She often feels foolish that she thought she could actually make a difference in the world; even worse, she felt agonizing guilt for being a woman that couldn't hang in a man's world, feeling as if she was responsible for a sudden shift backwards in equality.

'Danny's Barber Shop: receptionist'--maybe. 'Danny's Cake Decorating: baker'--no. 'Danny's XXX videos: call for details'-- uh, Mr. Danny has his dick in one too many pies.

Bzzt.

Saved by the text.

She giggles to herself in seeing she has a message from her roommate Jenny. Knowing that this is about to become a full-on text conversation, probably more suitable for an actual phone call, Brynn folds up her marked-up paper, and stretches her legs. She grabs her second scone, placing it into her mouth to hold as she piles her greasy hair into messy bun on top of her head, secured with a pen.

She swipes across her spider-cracked screen; the message: 'Turn around whore! ;-P'

"Brynny!" Brynn ducks as if she is about to be hit. "I thought that was your Corolla parked outside!"

"Jenny! You scared me!" She exhales loudly. "What are you doing awake? It's--" Brynn looks at her phone, "holy shit! Is it really almost noon?" She has no place to be; she just hates the feeling of time slipping by unnoticed, especially with her not being an active participant in life these days.

"I'm sorry, girl--"as she sits her coffee cup down at Brynn's commandeered table, "And you're right--I should probably still be asleep." She stifles a yawn, "I had a very busy night--"

"At the bar?" Brynn raises an eyebrow, "Or with Xavier?" her lips curling into a knowing grin.

Xavier is the first intact penis Jenny had ever been with--and she was loving it. It had been the topic of conversation during their 3AM chats this week, but when Jenny didn't come home from her shift at the bar last night, Brynn automatically knew Jenny must be exploring the new uncharted territory at his place.

"I didn't--I mean--" Jenny let's out a scoff. "Fine. Both."

A giddy Brynn scoots her chair closer. "Ooooo do tell."

"I--" Jenny pauses for dramatic effect, "happen to have a very--"

"Insatiable appetite? Ferocious needs?" Brynn giggles as she wraps her delicate fingers around her straw, gradually sliding them up and down its length.

Jenny clears her throat, straightening out her overall posture. "I was going to say, 'healthy sex life,' but since you have to be a thirsty bitch about it--" she leans in closely to Brynn, grabbing the remains of her scone. She flanges her lips around the breakfast pastry, fluttering her eyes closed, finally letting out a soft moan when she takes a nibble. "Oh honey, he was ferocious." She draws a sip from her hot coffee before lowering her voice. "And he satiated my appetite very… very… well."

Brynn jokingly sticks her fingers in her ears, pretending to be disgusted, yet squealing in excitement. Jenny playfully hits her arm as the two women uncontrollably giggle as they continue to enjoy each other's company.

Jenny Browder and Brynn Schuyler were a very unlikely pair. They met in undergrad in a entry-level sociology course during their first semester freshmen year. Of the two, Brynn was mature and focused, especially when it came to her education.  Often times, she had to be the voice of reason with a newly uncaged and untamed Jenny who was more concerned with socializing and drinking.

Jenny was brought up in a strict, Fundamentalist household, the kind that saw dancing and playing cards as evil. She somehow convinced her parents that God was calling her to attend UMass after a life-long career of being homeschooled. It was 'Goodbye, long dresses,' and, 'Hello, Bombshell Bra.'

She never returned back home. Even when she failed out after Sophomore year, she packed up her guitar and headed for Nashville to become a star. The two friends had quickly turned back into strangers.

Brynn will never forget they day Jenny stumbled back into her life. In the midst of grad school, Brynn had volunteered at a free/low-cost community health clinic offered to lower-socioeconomic families. Jenny was waiting outside the facility, chain-smoking her last four cigarettes. Brynn was unloading testing equipment when she recognized a very familiar purple butterfly tattoo.

"Jenny?" Hearing her name, she instantly responded. She looked so different--older even, weathered. Her once-lustrous auburn hair looked as if it hadn't seen a brush--or soap, for that matter-- in weeks. Her eyes had lost their glow, surrounded by gray bags. Even though she kept her arms crossed in an attempt to hide it, her stretched-tight shirt boasted a growing bump. But, perhaps the most bothersome was the severely picked scabs, scratches, and bruises, littering her entire body.

They made cordial small talk until Greg, her alcoholic and abusive fiancé, honked his horn from his rusty Ford Ranger, notifying Jenny it was time to leave. Before she could run out on her again, Brynn quickly dug a pen and Post-It pad from her white coat, and wrote down her cell number. Truth be told, she never expected her to call.

Two o'clock in the morning about 3 months later, Jenny called. In his usual anger fueled by Wild Turkey, Greg had beaten her and forced himself on her until he passed out from the exhaustion of his stuper. But, something was different this night; something snapped in Jenny's brain. Enough. Her body was frail and bleeding; but her spirit was kindled, coming alive with courage, telling her she was not broken, telling her to fight.  Fueled with what could easily be described as courage--or insanity--she stole $12 from his wallet and packed an old duffle bag with a change of clothes and a water-stained Post-It note.

At a gas station outside of Boston, Brynn picked up a very pregnant Jenny. They sat in the darkness, the cabin filled with silence and stillness; but the conversation was loud and clear: Jenny was terrified. Terrified to talk, terrified to act, terrified of her past and terrified to even imagine a future. Brynn reached over and grabbed Jenny's hand as they both quietly sobbed. They weren't freshmen anymore.

All of a sudden in the quietness of the car amongst all of the chaos, a baby began to dance. Waves and ripples fluttered across Jenny's abdomen; flips and tumbles quickly ensued, becoming stronger and stronger. They took her breath away for a moment, but quickly returned in the form of tiny giggles.  Brynn's eyes sparkle with wonder as she gently places her hand on her friend's belly, gently rubbing circles with her thumb and fingers. Jenny places both her hands on Brynn's, guiding her around her bump, occasionally pressing deeply until finally they are greeted with a kick.

For the first time in a long time, Jenny wasn't terrified. Her head wasn't pounding from an incessant ache, a craving for just one more hit. Her body was breathing, healing in between the throws. For the first time in a long time, Jenny had clarity. And she was ready to talk.

Jenny got the necessary help she needed. She spent time at a battered women's shelter where she was safe and protected; she was able to receive prenatal care and some deeply therapeutic counseling. She even painfully detoxed from her methamphetamine addiction. But her biggest victory:  she was beginning to forgive herself, allowing herself to heal.

Six weeks later, a very round and overdue Jenny gave birth to a beautiful red-headed,  9 pound 8 ounce boy. Her heart swelled with love--a love she had never experienced before--as they placed him right on her bare chest. Overcome with joy and tears, the new mom kept him safe and sound, snuggled in a blue receiving blanket in her healing arms. She had already missed so much--she didn't want to miss another moment: she wanted to remember how his chunky cheeks felt against her lips as she kissed him. She wanted to remember the gentle smell he had after his first bath. She wanted to remember that tiny, fierce grip around her finger, a grip that would extend past her finger and right around her heart. A grip that would never let go, even well-after she laid him into his new mother's arms.

Jenny Browder is the strongest woman Brynn knows--and probably will every know. Even while she was still rummaging through the train-wreck that was her former life, Jenny had the selfless spirit of a saint and the bravery of the finest medieval warrior. She had nothing of value to her name except for her battered heart; but being the mother of all mother's, she gave her last possession away. She knew that in order to give her son the world, she had to place him in a new world.

Jenny celebrated five years of sobriety last month, and has empowered many women throughout the New England area with her story, speaking at meetings and volunteering part-time at a crisis center. She reconnected with her cousin Sean and his husband Charlie a few years back; feeling a pull to be near family, she moved to Newark, a few blocks away from the happy couple.  She now has a home--an apartment--of her own, a car, and a steady income, bartending at a local, lively bar called Annex. As an added benefit, she also gets to perform twice a month with the house band. Going back to school might even be in her future; but for now, she is happy to be living life again--even if that meant hosting a squatter on her couch in the form of her best friend.

"Any luck on the job front?"

Brynn blows a raspberry with pressed lips in her exacerbation.  "Well, today's options include wearing daisy duke's at a BBQ joint, or becoming a baker--possible porn star--with a man named Danny--"

Jenny laughs, "Ewww, gross. Do I even want to--"

Brynn waves her hand in front of her face, erasing the air of the horrid idea, even if it was a joke.

"Well, the perfect job is out there."

Yeah, yeah, yeah…

Brynn sighs, "Oh, Jen, you have to say that--"

Before she can hang her head down,  Jenny interrupts the pity party, grabbing the remains of massacred muffin from Brynn's hand. "No, I don't. And believe me--" She stares warmly into Brynn's stormy eyes, "You are a catch. You are one in a million--"

"Are we still talking about jobs, or--"

"The perfect job is out there for you--trust me! We are one day closer to it." Not missing a beat, "Speaking of which--" Jenny rocks back and forth in excitement as her heart-shaped lips spread into a smile.

Oh, God…

"What are you doing tonight?" The words almost slur together like a waterfall crashing out of her mouth.

Don't invite me out. Don't invite me out.

"I think I'm gonna--you know--stay in, order out. Look for more jobs--"

"And feel sorry for yourself?"

Damnit, she's good.

Brynn sighs deeply as she lays her head down on her crossed arms.

"Well, it's a good thing we're not going out. You are just--" she lies, "accompanying me to work--"

"Jenny!"

"Brynny," Jenny fires back as both women compete in a staring--moreso glaring contest. She gives in first to the silly gesture, her look warming with affection. "Look, I-I know things have been have sucked recently--"

That's an understatement.

"You need this. It's time to join the world again. You can't just stay cooped up in the apartment all the time--"

"Um," Brynn clears her throat. "I do believe I am in a coffee shop right now." She smirks while delicately fanning her arms out in the air, as if she was showcasing a brand new car on a game show.

"C'mon, girl," Jenny whines, "You know what I mean. Just come up to the bar. Sit and talk with me. Keep me company. Meet some of my regulars. You will feel so much better about yourself--"

"You know I have nothing to wear."

12 pounds, fucking 12 pounds, and my entire wardrobe seems to have shrunk overnight.

"We'll figure something out--I promise! C'mon!" Jenny quickly bounds to the door with a sluggish Brynn in tow. "Besides," Jenny whirls around to continue, "You have a lot of miles left in this thing--" spanking Brynn's butt. Reflexively, Brynn immediately shields her pained bottom, her mouth gaping open. Jenny continues. "I've gotch'ya with shots all night. At least come window shop--it's Thursday night, which means the corporate hotties are shopping for some young ass--"

"Oh, yes. Because a one-night-stand and a raging case of chlamydia will cure my problems--"

"Hey, a shot in the ass, and you're good as new," Jenny jokes, making her apprehensive bestie crack a smile. "That's why I said, 'window shop.' Plus they're rich and love flaunting that they are rich. So--" Jenny shrugs her shoulders, "More free drinks for you!"

Brynn folds her arms across her chest, averting her gaze into the bustling traffic. She starts chewing on the sides of her mouth while letting out a long-winded sigh, clearly uncomfortable with the whole idea. The fact is she was embarrassed of herself, of what had become of her life. There she was, merely existing, living on her best friend's couch with no prospects--job-wise and love-wise. And now that her former-slender body sprung unwelcomed curves, she feels more comfortable in hiding--from the world, and from herself.

Jenny steps back out of her black sedan. She pushes her sunglasses back into her short hair, the sunshine illuminating her scarlet layers. She places her hands on her hips as she silently challenges her friend to a battle of wills.

Brynn feels her piercing gaze, but she can't bring her self to match it. Jenny never pushes her to do anything--and now, all she wants to do is help pull her depressed house-guest out of her mucky misery. And Brynn knows that she will be grateful for the night, especially tomorrow morning. She just needed the little shove.

Brynn breaks their silence with a long, drawn out sigh. "Okay."

"Yes, yes, yes!" squeals Jenny. She slides back into the driver's seat, adjusts her sunglasses and bellows across the parking lot: "Get in loser! We're going shopping!"

Brynn could only hope it was for a new life.

@choicesficwriterscreations​ 

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

Share a Lair 04 || Keep Char Distracted

Jasper and Henry were chatting about NYE plans whenever Max was TRYING to distract his mind from this past week’s thoughts of Charlotte and work on his latest invention. Sure - he selected to do so in the living room, and that was no place for science experiments… well… technically ANY place was a place for science experiments. But, he was still annoyed to hear their voices, despite the fact that he had not heard a single word that either of them were saying. Until one of them said, “What’ll we do about Charlotte?” He hated that just the mere mention of her name demanded his attention, but there he was, unintentionally eavesdropping.

“She probably won’t want to, anyway,” Henry said. “Not really her thang."

"Yeah, but… she’ll still wanna be included. What if she says YES, and we have to spend your first solo NYE hearing her talk about how bad every idea is! Henry… it’s a party BOAT! Drunk young people on a boat, in the middle of the water, specifically to avoid the police…”

“When you’re right, you’re right. Maybe we can get her a distraction?” Henry suggested. “Like, get somebody else to hang out with her for New Year’s Eve and let her be their party pooper!” And because they were sure he wasn’t listening at all, then he heard both of them cheer, “MAX!"

He looked up as they headed over and he sighed. "Max, buddy, we need a HUGE favor and I will repay you in - doing whatever you say about the lair for the entire month of January!” Henry offered. Fool. Max would’ve did this for free. But there was no need to make himself appear too available.

“Whatever it is, I’m not remotely interested,” Max lied. No other word for it. He just straight up lied about it right to those boys’ faces.

“Hear us out, first,” Jasper said.

“Sounded like you two wanna be alone for New Year’s Eve, so you want me to cart Charlotte around so you won’t have to man up and admit that you don’t want her around,” Max said.

“I know it might sound bad, but it’s just that this is going to be a potentially excellent night, and as much as we both love Charlotte, she’s not really one to overlook potential danger, not even at the expense of potential excellence!”

“And I’m not some scapegoat. Just tell her you want a nice evening with your boyfriend and be done with it.”

“My what?” Henry asked. Max walked away, with his experiment in hand, hiding a smirk. Henry gave chase, “Listen! Dude… I KNOW Char’s not fun and she’s kind of a super nerd and is pretty uptight.”

“You’re really selling her here, Hen,” Max said, deadpan.

“Two months!” Henry said. “January AND February.”

“You agree to make sure she’s not the one doing the chores in the community space and I’ll consider it,” Max said. Henry winced. Max shrugged and kept walking.

Jasper looked desperately at Henry, clasping his hands together, as though in prayer. “Fine! But, just so you know, she loves stuff like that. Cleaning up and being helpful and stuff. You’re taking away her potential joy by forcing my hand.”

“I’m sure,” Max said, rolling his eyes. “And just so you know… Charlotte’s not a nerd. You’re way more of a nerd than she is.” Max gave him a playful double slap on the cheek and Henry gasped at the suggestion.

“How do you figure?”

“I mean… Look at her and look at you,” Max said. Jasper looked like he was actually considering this. Max was the smartest man he had ever met, with the exception of Schwoz and to be honest, Jasper wasn’t actually smart enough to fully determine which of the two of them WAS the smarter man. Henry laughed uncomfortably and looked at Jasper, awaiting some type of backup in this conversation. Max expounded. “Okay, I get that she’s a straight A student, makes academic lists, spends her time working instead of having fun, BUT - she’s super hot, her hair is goals, has an amazing fashion sense, can skillfully do cool shit like beat everybody’s ass in video games and play musical instruments - SHE was in a band, Henry. Were YOU ever in a band?”

“What did you… have to like… write a report on her?” Henry asked, uncomfortably, laughing.

Jasper answered, “He WASN’T in a band! But I was!”

“JASPER is less of a nerd than you,” Max added, to twist the knife. He really didn’t like it whenever Henry said negative stuff about Charlotte. He actually agreed that Charlotte was a nerd… But, he also knew that he could make this argument in her favor, and just because she was a nerd didn’t mean that Henry had to keep repeating it out loud.

Henry gasped and Jasper nodded, very pleased, until Henry said, “Jasper had social media accounts for BUCKET collections AND a Bucketeer podcast!”

“Jasper ALSO had a podcast? Man, Henry, what do YOU bring to the cool kids’ table when you aren’t in uniform?”

“Wha… Well… I bring not being an uptight, straight A student or someone who wears belly shirts or collects buckets…”

“HEY!” Jasper said and folded his arms.

“What’s wrong with belly shirts?” Max asked.

“Yeah, what is?” Jasper insisted, now, clearly in Max’s corner. Truthfully, Max could wear a belly shirt. Lord knows he had the abs for them… But he never would, because once again, he agreed with Henry that they were pretty lame, but once again, he wasn’t gonna give Henry the satisfaction. This was a battle, of sorts. Over Charlotte’s honor and good name. Max didn’t care what the facts were, as long as he won it.

Henry shook his head. “I’m just… Jasper. Come on. You think I’M the nerdiest in our trio? It’s obviously Charlotte, and if it’s not… I mean… It CAN’T be ME. I’m Kid Danger, for crying out loud.”

Jasper rolled his eyes, looked at Max and Max knew this was about to be sweet satisfaction. “I once had a birthday party that every kid in Swellview showed up to because Captain Man stopped in. Henry had a party a few years later that Piper couldn’t convince her cool friends to show up at, because they knew that it was Henry’s, even with her public figure status and vouching for him.” Max laughed. Henry stammered. Jasper wasn’t done. “Henry had the same pick up line for years - never worked. Two of his girlfriends left him to go to a reality show, meanwhile, I had an obsessive girl who had to be pushed out of a window to stay away from me.”

“I understand that,” Max said. “Mine used to sleep outside of my house. Well, it’s clear to me who’s the nerdiest nerd of your circle.” Jasper looked worried for a moment, so Max reassured him, “It’s Henry, Dude.” Jasper fist pumped.

Henry and he began to argue about their accomplishments versus failures, “Captain Man only showed up because I got him to! Use your brain, Man.”

“I had my own hero day because I can be brave WITHOUT a sidekick suit. You’re unofficially the Playground Pooper!”

“You were the one that was ACTUALLY considered bizarre enough to BE the Playground Pooper!” Max smirked and continued on his way out of the room.

“Hey! You never said that you agreed to distract her!” Henry said.

Max turned around and smiled at him, “Oh, right. Yeah, you had me at “get somebody else to hang out with her for New Year’s Eve and let her be their party pooper.” It slowly dawned on Henry that Max had heard their entire conversation and played him for a fool. Why would someone do this? Like he could read his mind, Max said, “Charlotte deserves better friends.”

Jasper gasped. “I would fight a shark for Char! I just… don’t want her out there with us for New Year’s Eve.” Max rolled his eyes. “Is… Is Henry still the nerdiest, or was that ALL a game?”

“He definitely is. I mean, you strike me as a bisexual individual. Look at their curve records. Compare the quality of people that have turned him down or been interested in him verses hers.”

“What does THAT have to do with…”

“Hot people dig hot people,” Max said.

“Way more hot people have liked and been turned down by Charlotte!” Jasper said with realization.

“Joss Moss said that I was cute. That cancels out like… HALF of Charlotte’s list! Joss Moss is a wealthy socialite and the daughter of an infamous mob boss.” Henry fussed, flustered.

“I say that Charlotte’s cute,” Max said and folded his arms. “I’m a global superhero.”

“That wins,” Jasper whispered, very impressed with how hot Max was, especially right now, for some reason. Finally, Henry conceded and Max left the room. He really had to prep if he was gonna be hanging out with Charlotte tonight!

.

Charlotte came into the lair through the front entrance. Max had been a little less unbearable this week, so she decided to test it out and if she ran into a problem, she’d simply never come back to this house, ever again. She laughed. J/K, she thought. Her boys were here. Whenever she got inside, it was pretty quiet. She expected Henry and Jasper to be in the common area, but maybe they were in the tower. Ugh. Now, she’d have to walk to the tower…

“Hey!” Max cheered, suddenly and when she heard his voice, she turned to say it back, but she lost her ability to speak or move. He smiled brightly, with this look of accomplishment and while she realized that she probably had something to do with that; her body had nothing. “SO, long story short, you’re stuck with me tonight and Henry and Jasper are at the Man Cave getting ready to go to some kind of NYE thing.”

She scoffed, “WHAT? They let me drive all the way here and just stuck me with you???” It came out more harsh than she expected, and sounded like she was attacking him, when she meant for it to be directed at the boys. His smile was less confident, now and his eyebrows looked a little… bothered. “I mean… I’m sure that you have much better things to do than have to pretend to entertain me tonight.”

He perked up again and shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t have to pretend. You’ll be entertained. There’s a party in Metroburg or one in Hiddenville, Lady’s Choice.”

“Ummm… What are the pros and cons of each?” she asked. He hoped she’d loosen up before they hit any party.

“Pros are they’re parties. Cons are they’re not gonna abandon you to a guy that you barely know and hardly like?” He said, huffing a laugh.

“Hurtful,” she said.

“Well, we’re even, then.”

“Metroburg is full of open superpowers and probably has the greatest technology in daily life… But, I probably need to visit there on a day trip, not the night of a party, whenever people are going to be drinking. Drinking and DRIVING is bad enough. Drinking and suping?”

“OH MY GOD!” Max cried out to the sky, exasperated. “Let’s just go to Hiddenville! That’s where my friends will be, anyway.”

“Well… Why were you considering Metroburg, then?”

“Because that’s where the supes are and where I was born.”

“Well, do you want to go ahead and go there instead?” He was starting to see why her friends might want to ditch her on a party night. She was very preoccupied with making the right decision, when sometimes, all it took was just making ANY decision.

“Let’s go to Hiddenville,” he said, putting his foot down. She held up a finger and pulled out her party gumball dispenser. Was she supposed to have it? No. Did she deserve it, therefore take it? Well, she’d just pulled it out, so what does that tell you? She blew a bubble and transformed into a Black party dress, high heeled boots and a sparkly headband with the new year at the top of it. Even her flawless makeup had been designed into the gumball and she looked like… she was meant to be on his arm tonight. He was far more casual - in all black with a shirt, an over shirt, his jacket and a tight pair of pants with heavy boots. But… they matched… WELL! She held her hands out, a little bit self conscious and said, “This is fine for your party, right? I can’t tell if I’m overdressed or you just don’t give a shit, either way because any and everything looks good on you…” Her eyes widened at this unconscious admission.

“We look awesome,” he said, and pointed two fingers at the door to open it and used his other hand to make sure he was powering things down in the house.