#tw sister pain

[zeb-z]

There’s something so important about Gillion - who never heals himself, who rushes into danger, who hides his wounds- facing death and realizing he isn’t unafraid as he was raised to be. He uses his magic on himself to help with the exhaustion, to keep his life intact. And still he tries to comfort Jay and Chip while he’s coherent, being realistic about his chances but refusing to make it painful. Wanting their possible last moments to be light, to be about seemingly inconsequential things, small favorites that still mean the world to him purely because they’re Chip and Jay’s favorites. And then when all is said and done, he makes a raccoon for Jay. He talks about raspberries for Chip. He uses his last saved up arcane energy to try desperately to stay awake, and it works, and it saves him in the final hour.

It’s just. There’s something about how he hasn’t had a chance to rest since the Feywild, really, truly rest. How this whole time he’s been down on himself and taking extreme risks. And now, at what might be the end of it all, he realizes he doesn’t want to die. He wants to live. And not to be able to save others, not to fulfill his destiny, not out of obligation to anyone else - but purely for himself. For all the little things. And though it’s not quite healing in the literal term, his nearly final act was spent trying to save himself - and it worked.

[wildmelon]

the way even close friends and family don’t give a fuck about menstrual pain. it’s “aw :/ i’m sorry you’re in pain :(” until you say you can’t do something and then it becomes clear they don’t actually believe how much it hurts.

[marleemutt]

one thing ive learned about grief is that some days are definitely better than others

[whumpypepsigal]

Ginger Snaps (2000): Ginger transforms into a werewolf and attacks Sam.

[yellobb]

Ended up calling 988 last night. Talked with them for half an hour and it kind of helped, but only temporarily.

I’m still kicking, but barely. I know I need to take my medication but I don’t care enough to. It’s just not worth the effort, even though it’s within arms reach.

I missed a meeting with my manager at work. Today is one of the few days I need to be in person and I’m not there because I just…. Can’t make myself move.

I want to call someone and just have them talk to me because I don’t think I can speak. I want someone to force me to take my meds and go sit outside for a moment so that I can get the fresh air and stop rotting in my bed. Maybe that would be enough to force me to get dressed and go to work. Maybe it would heal me, just a little bit.

But I don’t have anyone I can call. My sister is in class. My mom is at work and I know she’d start watching me more closely again. My grandma has already probably noticed that my location hasn’t changed, but it would just be easier to lie to her and say I worked from home today than deal with the lecture. I haven’t actually talked to any of my friends, irl or online, in ages, either. Not in the way friends should, because I’m too self-absorbed to check in with the people I love.

I’m sorry y’all have to keep seeing me post about my bullshit. I know it’s selfish, especially when I haven’t reached out to anyone one-on-one in so long. I haven’t even made anything since inktober ended, so I can’t even offer something vaguely worthwhile.

I know people care, logically. But emotionally it feels like no one does. And I’d deserve it if no one did. I’ve been a leech for years. Even before the depression, I was too busy to be a good friend. I’ve been selfish for years. I think the only time I was worth something was back when I was in early elementary school. At least back then I was happy and energetic and earnest and kind.

I don’t know where that version of Macey went. I wish y’all had gotten to meet her, because she’s the version of me y’all actually deserve. Not this absolute wreck I’ve become.

[crowrelli]

.

[eddywoww]

This is so random but I’ve been thinking about my family a lot (while watching succession too) and I can’t relate to being fuck me rich but my god I can relate to a four piece sibling family who canNOT express affection for shit

I mean there’s four of us and none of us hug. One time my brother called me a bitch and then randomly lifted me off the ground in a hug and that was his version of Sorry and honestly I preferred that over an actual apology. My sister likes to verbally apologize because she’ll feel bad until she does and I’ve told her countless times that I’d rather die.

One time I ran to my sisters in the rain, crying my head off over something and she didn’t know how to comfort me because none of us know how to comfort each other. But we still have ways?? Like if we see something that we know each other will like, we buy it. We make crafts for each other, we share tv shows and music.

My family jokes that I’m the least emotional of all of them (when I ironically cry so much) they used to call me Red Foreman (from that 70s show) because of my total lack of outward emotion. It’s hurt me before, this image they have of me being a mean person who can’t express myself enough. Now I realize that I’m actually doing better these days.

And that I’m not a product of a lack of emotion at all but rather a product of anger.

I think I’m the only person in my family who has never punched a hole in a wall. The one time I tried, I almost broke my hand. It didn’t feel good. It didn’t help because hurting other things, hurting other people didn’t help me. So I stuck to hurting myself, physically or mentally.

Because I was and am a product of anger but when you watch that anger get cast around to other people, sometimes you don’t want to continue to do that. Especially when people think you’re mean. Especially when you’re not particularly maternal and you have to spend years with people accusing you of being cold and hating kids and not being nice enough to people or not smiling enough or not saying the right things, always saying the wrong things. You’re too rude, you’re too brash, don’t cry in front of people but if you do, make sure they know it’s for the right reasons.

All this to say, I love my family. I do. But there’s skeletons on top of skeletons in barely closed closets and I don’t even want to dig into those graves and try to unearth half the shit that has happened or been done. Because my mom once looked at me and said “Please, don’t break my heart.” And so I shut my mouth and didn’t say anything else.

I’m a product of anger and that’s fine. I don’t have to be angry anymore. Letting go of my anger for my family is helping me, I think. Talking about it is helping. Realizing that I don’t have to be anything that anyone else wants me to be is helping.

[widowshill]

102.

[the-cat-at-the-theatre-door]

I'm thinking in context of this post, because apparently I'm not done, but after Asparagus passes away and Jellylorum is left on her own (and of course the rest of her family is around her, but it was the last of those original theatre cats), most of the Tribe is there to comfort her wholeheartedly because she'd always been there for them, but the ones most invested in keeping her company were Coricopat and Tantomile, who settled silently one on each side of her and refused to move for the entirety of the first day after. Or much of the first week, really.

Not only had Jelly and Asparagus been part of whom the twins considered their closest friends, but there is a unique sort of pain that comes along with losing one's nursery mate that even those spiritually oldest as Coricopat and Tantomile are wary of - being separated means there will be a time *without* and even if there is a promise to be with or joined again, that time remains in spades, open and rough, like a chip in a plate. And even as the twins run their paws over the fracture of the painful memory, it never quite smooths.

[evansbby]

500,000 people in London today protesting to free Palestine. Half a million people all coming together to protest against the bombings of innocent civilians, the actual genocide of the Palestinians that is happening as we speak.

[veritasrose]

High af and just facetiming with Sis in Law. We are doing dream analysis on each other and also sharing craft projects.

My brother might have fucked off, but I found a truly amazing friend in the process.

[whydoifeelthisquiet]

..

[dykeredhood]

The way Under the Red Hood addresses fatherhood and a wayward/formerly esteemed child deciding on the best way to handle existing issues (even if it conflicts with resolute parental authority) instead of being used as a tool (or if it comes to it: a useful body)

It wrecks me every time

[pepprs]

not to be a pain-crazed wild animal. i KNOW i do this every time. but p*riods are so fucking crazy. like my cr*mps are so bad my body is trying to strangle itself but im awake and i need to be at work in 2 hrs and get thru an entire 9 hr workday as if im not in excruciating pain and im gonna bring my heating pad and my p*in r*lief cr*am if you catch my drift (💀) and i’ll need to use them DURING a busy day in which i will not see any other ppl who get periods in person and using them is gonna be a whole awkward thing. like omg. this is not fucking normal lol

[charred-entiity]

I get really mad at my brother pretty often. He doesn't deserve it, not really. I'm trying to be more patient with him. I think I'm jealous he gets all of the support. He gets love and attention and he gets to express his feelings and he gets to be mad, but I don't. He gets to take over everything I enjoy and have everyone praise him where I never got praised. He draws a stick figure and it's hung on the fridge. I drew something that took hours and it got thrown away.

He wasn't the one protecting everyone when dad or mom got violent. He wasn't the one who got hit trying to break up a fight between adults. Why did I have to grow up at age 12 and he just got to do whatever? Why did he get to make mistakes? Why are mom and dad good for him, but not for me? What's wrong with me?

[etherbonded]

" I've never said that to her. The only time I really said anything of the sorts toward her that I remember would be when- " ...She's gone quiet, Kasumi's accident, the day she should've gotten hurt. Not her amazing sister.

" ...Nevermind. But regardless, I'd never say something of the sorts to her now. I was just being overemotional at the time. "