#u have done well my jonghyun

[i-see-you-as-a-sunflower]

My angel, my everything I pray that you are happy, that you’re smiling up there, that you’re at peace. I miss your voice, I miss your smile I still look for you during every stage I thank u for allowing me to love you as long as u did please be happy my beautiful moon🌕

[devil-changmin]

again, in tags, and dec 18 tw

[what-if-nct]

describe ur most interesting irl love story as if u were making a genre for a fic

tagged by: @theficblog, thank you so much for tagging me 💕💕(and you will get that love story one day!!!)

And hmm, so all of my actual relationships have been complete disasters and all of the guys sucked from start to finish and I didn't love myself at the time. but there's one experience I think gave me actual hope, Im pretty sure I've mentioned it before but last year, I went out with just the sweetest guy, he was cute and sweet and kept suggesting he buy something for me, which I never feel comfortable doing but he was sweet. We were just hanging out and talking at the mall.

Then we went to dinner and cause every restaurant was full like we went to three restaurants and there was a long wait. So we walked all the way to the front of the parking lot and while we where walking, I would walk on the curb of the road islands and jump off, and every time he'd hold my hand as I jumped off till he just held my hand the entire time I was hopping around. Then we went to dinner, this is the part I keep bringing up cause it has never happened to me but while we were talking he started crying and saying how happy he was that he met me, it was so sweet. I didn't know what to say so I just got up to hug him and hugged him till he let go which was a while.

We finished dinner and I was doing the same thing I did before cause I'm a child who has to always balance on the curb and he held my hand the entire even when we we're just walking. And cause I never let go he said "Does this make us boyfriend and girlfriend' which was adorable, I have mixed feelings about what I said but I'll get to that later. Then he drove me and we hugged and he kissed my cheek before I got out the car and he did something no other boy has done and actually wait for me to get in the house before driving away, most of them practically almost run me over with how fast they drove away.

Now, he was 19 at the time, I thought he was a little older till he was signing up for a rewards account at hottopic and he said 2002 and I was like, oh you're actually a baby, and I was 28 at the time. So when he said does this make us boyfriend and girlfriend, I said well, we'll have to see. So to me he was just too young for me, I cut it off at 2000. even that's pushing it but 1990 to 2000 feels like a good range. But then I don't know we stopped talking and seeing each other, and he was really great and near the end I knew my constant fawning over kpop boys made him feel kind of bad so, he'd kind of get sad when he saw my phone wallpaper and ask about it in a weird way.

Also I could tell we're just kind of in different places in our life, and it's for the best but he was so great and I did raise my standards a bunch and I'm kind of hanging out with a cool guy now, who's like an appropriate age at 25 going on 26 but it's still at like the just physical stage so I dunno. But I do hold that experience close. they both have the same name. but go by different variations of it which is interesting as is. but the 19 year old was Johnathan and the current one goes my just John. Maybe next is a Johnny, maybe Johnny's the one.

I tag @farraige25 @hopeticket @simply-elegantly-kai @hyuckieslove @karetahana @jonghyuns-husband and anyone else who wants to do it.

[blingblingisdino90]

BLINGER SPECIAL!!

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I wrote a poem for Jonghyun. Last night, we had another meaningful conversation, and we came up with a very beautiful poem. I knew I had to share it with all the other Blingers!

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Special 1.

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Hello again, my giant friend. We meet once more, on one long day's end. I missed you a lot! Move on, I still have not. Just looking at you, has me lost in thought. Do you feel the same way too? I really hope you do. The feeling is mutual, in my preference. Because U & I don't have many differences. Am I on your mind, like you are on mine? The twinkle in my eye matches your perfect shine. Excuse me stars, may you give us a few? I want to spend more time with you. Move away clouds, I ask once more. I want to see my dinosaur. Why must you look at the moon, some people ask. Trust me, it's not at all a task. But it's boring, they say. Not in the slightest. It's the perfect way to end my day. You lull me to sleep, just like a song. Sadly when I awake, you'll be gone for so long. But it's ok, I tell myself. Next time, I'll read you a book from my shelf. A sweet book, that makes you warm. I'll sing a song, that'll make the butterflies in your stomach swarm. Would you like that, shiny one? I want you to rest well, once we're done. I'm sure you will, and when you see me again, I'll be a day older. With one more day of wisdom under my belt. Before I go, I want you to know, that I love you so, and I'll never let you go. Boy from the moon, hear my prayer. I'll kill your fears just like a slayer. I'll comfort you until the sun rises. My hugs come in all types of sizes. A size for a mouse, a size for a dune, and even a size for the big blue moon. Good night, Jonghyun. Until tomorrow, parting is such sweet sorrow.

.

I hope you all liked it, and thank you for reading!

<3

[wooahaes]

Ahh we all have that one professor who makes u go ??? The fuck ??? At least 5 times in 20 mins lol I get you

Also the nct thing was purely by accident lol aksnsksms I initially listened to boom by nct dream, thought I’d listen to a couple more songs, fell down the rabbit hole and now I actively Stan 20+ men 💀 yeah I did that to myself lol but fr nct has some weird shit but a LOT of bops like if you like slow ballad type of stuff I recommend from home and my everything but nct u or if u like smth cute Touch by NCT 127 is p well liked by most people I introduce that song to! And most of nct dreams older songs are p cute too! I feel like you’ve made a grave mistake letting me talk ab NCT because I could go on FOREVER aksnsksms also I totally get the mark + Haechan duo lol I have a particular fondness for mark because we share the same birthday lol plus he’s so cute I just wanna fucking SQUISH

I would LOVE to hear you talk about Shinee!! All of their music fuckin SLAPS I’ve been obsessed with Body Rhythm every since it came out and like I got into the fandom p late so I don’t know much but I think taemin is fucking hilarious like he is very much my pathetic lil meow meow

-Baby Teume

literally i love her but the way she runs her classes... headache inducing. im probably going to scrape past with a C unless she decides to drop our lowest grade (highly unlikely but very welcome)

... my confession is that i actually enjoy sticker lmao like ik its not great ig? but i can still vibe with it

i have made NO mistake asking u to talk abt nct!!! pls talk to me about nct whenever u feel like it lmao i love hearing abt other ppls groups and the stuff they get passionate about!! literally i love when ppl give me song recs even if i dont end up getting into them bc its a lil 'hey i thought u might enjoy this' and i think thats sweet <3

i learned that marks emojis are a tiger and a lion and im like omg... tiger... another tiger boy to add to my collection. AND lions too??? mark nct ill give u a kiss omg /j

omg... u will regret asking me abt shinee i love them SO much. im ignoring the fact taemin just showed up on my playlist (highly recommend all of the shinee members solo stuff!!! i can absolutely give recs for my fave from each member even tho minho has like two songs to him rn but theyre both good fdkhdshf)

i always say taemin is my bias (hes adorable AND funny like... king stop my expectations are too high-) but i think im truly ot5 because all of them are so important to me. they were the first kpop group i ever listened to forever ago (sherlock (clue + note) is a legend and i love her so much), and i think dropping off shortly after getting into them (which would have been around 2015 because it was the time view came out) and then picking them a little over a year ago was genuinely like... something that really helped me out of a shitty place + hurt because i had missed the news about jonghyun entirely. but even then, i think its made me appreciate him and everything he's done so, so much. i won't get sappy but i truly love jonghyun so much and i'm glad he's no longer hurting. it'll always piss me off when people reduce him down to his death and nothing else because he was such a good person.

moving on from that before i get too emotional... i genuinely just love shinee a lot. i watched one of the shinee world concerts (IV i think?) earlier this year and its amazing how talented they were and still are. shinee truly helped pave the way and inspired so many idols and i adore them. its also fun to just watch them interact, tbh. i don't genuinely ship anyone because i find that weird, but minkey as a (platonic) pair are my faves lmao they always bicker like an old married couple but you can tell that they do love each other and are genuinely close friends.

and jinki!!! onew my beloved!!! i love him so much. he has such a warm presence and GOD his vocals... i die every time... coincidentally love phobia just came up on my playlist lmao but still!! highly recommend listening to DICE if u haven't!! the entire album itself is good but the title track is soo good <3 i always feel like i forget he's the leader of shinee because they're all so close-knit, it feels like they're all on completely equal footing even if jinki is the one leading them.

i didnt rly get into my love for taemin but genuinely i adore him. he's so, so talented both vocally and dance-wise, i love to see the difference between his stage persona (typically his solo persona lmao taemin and his slutty slutty music... <3) when he's really just this very sweet catholic man who apparently only really interacts with his group mates and a few others outside of that. he's so funny and i honestly admire every live he did where he spoke english and messed up and accepted his mistakes? like. learning a language is hard enough, especially one as fucking weird as english, but he just seems to eager to try speaking english and accepts his mistakes. i think he definitely has a very good support network both in the people helping him learn english (job-wise) and in having someone like key there to correct him (and maybe rib him a little bit--but it's all out of love). also i still think its really funny he broke into keys place to leave him a birthday cake and then proceeded to steal one of his jackets. stole my heart at the same time smh

i will stop here bc i still have two questions left on my final but !!! i will absolutely give u shinee recs if you want!! shinee has SUCH a good discography with only a few songs that are... not good at all lmao. but every group puts out some bad songs sometimes, especially when they've been around for a long time! nothing wrong w that! + i'll probs throw in recs from each member's solo career because i genuinely love a lot of their solo stuff as well <3

[misterbitches]

i wish more than anything he could have had this. i love you man

i really fucking do

my love for nirvana and immense respect for kurt isn't something i ever expected. after being a huge fan of jonghyun too as a musician, a person who had things to say, a human being. the people around him. i fucking hate that kurt is gone and i was like...2. i got into hole when i was like 25 really heavily and refused to listen to nirvana. didnt' care about these white boys. but there's a reason why people love this band and why they loved kurt. i get mad sometimes at his death—selfishness—and then i make jokes to deal and cope. we all do with everything. it's just that and this is from a cis person...but i know so many trans people or people on the gender spectrum who have read his journals see him as someone struggling with gender. and after years of thinking and becoming such a huge fan i think that was honestly the truth. i think at this point we're all pretty sure he was gender queer or struggling with identity.

his aversion for oppression, his stand with the marginalized, not accepting racism, homophobia, transphobia BECAUSE THAT IS THE HEART OF DIY (spurred by my black people cos ofc it is and we do everything) and i wish that he could have beeen better.

to me it seems like his pain with his crohns (or wahtever he had) lead to his intense struggle with drugs because that's pretty common when needing pain management. on top of that, his family's history of MI. on top of that, his life being hounded and not being prepared for it (this i think is the idea of white privilege at work and wasn't naive of him necessarily, but...it's just something he thought wouldnt happen to him. that's whiteness at work as who they were as a diy fucking anti pop anti capital punk band. sonic youth said 'we didnt sell out, we made them buy in') and his rship with courtney. he said without court he might be gay or bi.

i won't read his journals, it's too fucking much for me and i dont feel allowed or maybe i will when i can handle it, but i know reading about them and him and hearing the way he changed his songs and his abhorrence for bravado, for men that talk about women as disposable and sex objects, for not being able to enjoy a punk band, for the whiteness and maleness. krist novoselic was a 6'7 fucking bassist and dave grohl is a sizeable dude with hideous tattoos. back then, no one said a fucking bad thing about them. come as you are.

we know that suicide is a state we get into. when you go to a psych ward you see that it's actually calm and an ebb/flow. it is extremely fucking boring. the thing is we don't know if these feelings last forever. we can't go back and time and history cannot change. it was his decision, like jonghyun's, to end his life. but i know there could have been longer. if they got help. i try not to resent courtney especially not now with people being irresponsible and unearthing the FBI report on him. he killed himself but it was definitely emotionally sparred by her and she should have told people what happened weeks before his death.

but no one failed him per se. his suicide note is full of hope and it kills me to see. he should have been able to be whoever he wanted. been a son, been a daughter, been anything.

whenever i hear the changed lyrics or see him in a dress or hear distress i dont know. i wish we didnt lose him but i also know that no one wants to go back to that time. it wasn't necessarily great but it wasn't all bad. and i wish commodity didn't destroy legacy. i wish we werent's so obsessed with the death and gore instead of the liveliness and hilarity of this band and of kurt. and i wish we could talk about him more and the idea that maybe there's so much going on with it; i have many critiques for things they have done, things kurt has done as well.

i'm talking in circles but i genuinely just get bummed. every day he is still dead. but this dude man......i love him a lot. i'm so glad nirvana gave what they did to the world. getting to know kurt so long after the fact is fucking hard sometimes. it is frustrating. but focusing on the positives too or trying to understand another perspective has given me a lot of insight. and i always try and remember that it wasn't just one thing, that nirvana were a band, it wasn't just him, and he could have been better but it just didn't work out that way. it's not solely about his internal pain and the narrative of a tortured artist is suffocating.

he wanted to be a star, make this insane pop song, and when he got it he didnt realize it became everything he hated. he was already struggling and all this shit hit a point. i have mad respect for them still. dave grohl said billie eilish is the kurt of her gen (about 2 yrs ago) and that drives me up a wall for various reasons. antiblackness and class. fuck that. these dudes were poor as fuck trucking it through washington with other bands and the basis is blacness and black art they were trying to fight and make it and give a shit man. it didnt turn out the way they could handle but they were not PRIMIING themselvs for musical stardom. no artist who cares would do that. but if you get the recognition you want because who doesn't, it comes at a price too.

this is why i critique commodity and capital so intensely. i participate, and i will have to as an artist. i don't have a desire to be poor because i've lived a life that gave me space to see what i want to do. i have class privilege (and a lot of debt) and i am grateful. but it isnt like i dont want peopl eto know. it's just that i know that i can't give in and accept and demand nothing and then decide to hoard it to myself. taht money that goes in funnels out and is not for me to keep. there is no trickling down. dont paly yrself.

artists like kurt and in a sense like MF Doom (rapper who only came out to be seen when he wanted to) or DMX even it's like....man u came out fucking fighting to be heard you know. do your thing. make your shit. be amazing. esp black people. DMX had a fucking face for a camera. hopefully i'm gonna watch belly at my best friend's house on the 28th.

i wish everyone who deserves to stay can stay until their body releases them in the most pleasant way as possible. jessica walter's death made me sad, but she was older and i'm so happy she got to live. same with cicely tyson. at the same time, the young deaths over drugs, suicide, accidents....id on't really get it. why is kissinger alive but these people can't stay? how did this come a somber tale of death instead of just i fucking love kurt cobain lmao

he's def one of those ppl that im like u rock. him, robeson, seberg to an extent. hm who else. wong kar wai, jenkins, joe (thai filmmaker whose name i cant spell.) all those people who are running forward on their own and beating their chest. yea i like that. an award is just another award. what matters is possibility and action.

RATHER BE DEAD THAN COOL

[starlightnakamoto]

Letter for Jjong 🦖🌙

wasn’t sure if i should put this letter i wrote out there as it’s personal to me but if i could reach anyone with my comforting words i hope i did. i hope this reaches jjong as well. everyone stay warm & safe and know that shinee loves u.

dear lovely jjong:

i don’t really know how to start this but like every song written, it starts somewhere. just like how my love for shinee did and this brilliant musician named kim jonghyun as well. not just a musician, but a poet, artist, author, radio dj, dancer, singer, & a person with the biggest heart. someone who deserves to be appreciated every single day of the year and to be known for the legacy he created with shinee & in his beautiful life. this beautiful boy right here is what made me believe in music again. believe that i have a purpose to fufill even if i don’t know what it is yet. that being vulnerable not just during this time but anytime is okay. every year it doesn’t really get easier maybe a bit calmer but it’s just so difficult to describe what I feel around this time. i feel nostalgic in a way but also sad. i feel so much emotions but i can’t find myself expressing them easily. it’s so hard realizing that with time, it truly went by. i grew older, but something i know will never change is how my life changed. i feel like my words aren’t good enough.. but i want to say jonghyun, thank you for coming into my life. thank you for making me see the world differently & to appreciate the little things more. you taught me so much & how i wish i would be able to tell you all this. we may not speak the same language, but we feel the same through art and music & that’s something i learned from you. your words are one of a kind and something that i will always treasure. i miss you everyday & there’s not a day that goes by where i wonder and worry about where you are. i wouldn’t say hope but i know now you are somewhere cozy but at times i worry. you are in a way a part of me and i would do anything to just hear your voice again & for you to tell me everything is okay. i don’t know how long this will be but i want to say i take you with me everywhere. you are not just the moon but nature in it’s element. you are every pretty flower and every spring & winter that comes by. you are my biggest inspiration & always have been a friend i never met but always felt like i did. wherever you are though, i hope you know that i love you so so much & that you are staying warm, singing songs by a fireplace and drinking coco. i know it’s something you would be doing & it in a way makes me happy that its someplace better than this world. one thing i will say is you did make this planet a better place & beyond that you are now on a mission to make somewhere else a happy place. missing you, loving you, & having you by my side will always be something i’m proud of. i know you are proud of me too and shinee & shinee world. thank you for all you have done & i hope with these words, it does reach you. i love you & i’ll stay alive always for you. i’ll continue to look over the world you made brighter & i’ll smile when i see you smile, laugh when i see you laugh and cry more when i see you cry. i want to say more my love but i’ll end this with your quote.

[soobiniebaby]

Angels & Devils Part XIII : Just Stay

Tomorrow x Together Fanfiction

~ p a r t s : main post || prologue || part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4 || part 5 || part 6 || part 7 || part 8 || part 9 || part 10 || part 11 || part 12 || part 13 || part 14 || part 15 || part 16 || part 17 ~ p a i r i n g : love triangle involving choi soobin and choi yeonjun ~ g e n r e : high school au | some social media au | some fluff & angst | childhood friends | love triangle ~ l a n g u a g e : English ~ w a r n i n g : contains swearing, alcohol, kissing (?) and may contain mature themes (angst, etc.) ~ a / n : This will be my first fanfic (go easy on me pls) and i’m just writing this as I go along, so bear with me juseyo The setting (place/country) of the story is up to the reader’s interpretation ~ s u m m a r y : What should she choose? Han Baby: the new girl with a troubled past MO Academy: her new high school Choi Soobin: student council president, member of the Ecosave club, volunteer at the Humane Treatment of Animals, member of the Honor Society, a vocalist in the Jazzed club, the school’s all around golden boy Choi Yeonjun: leader of the Dance club, star of the Jazzed club, the school’s it boy with a bad rep 5 best friends, 1 new girl, 1 childhood friendship, 1 epic love triangle? What will this school year bring?

Choi Yeonjun didn’t know when to stop, which was one of his greatest strengths, but now he knew that it could very well be his greatest weakness as well.

Once he had set his sights on something, he’d never stop until he achieved it. Take B for example, the moment he knew he wanted her, he didn’t let anything stop him from pursuing her until she finally said yes. For tonight, a goal he had unintentionally set was to keep himself on Kim Jisoo’s good side, as that’s what his father would have wanted. And because of that, ever since she had arrived at the club that night, he felt as if he had no choice but to follow along with whatever she wanted, even if that meant spending the night entertaining his ex girlfriend.

Park Rose was just as captivating and electrifying as he remembered her to be. Her fiery red hair was just as stunning as her jolting personality, which was one of the things that he had loved about her. She was exciting, even now he could never tell what was going through her mind or what unexpected words would spew out her mouth. She always caught him off guard, and the feeling on being kept on his toes just kept him wanting more.

Tonight was no different. He wanted to believe that the only reason he had been stuck by Rose’s side the whole night was because Jisoo had insisted that he hang around their group for the evening, but he knew that a small part of him was still captivated by Rose’s appeal. He knew that he could easily give Jisoo a plausible excuse to break away from her group, but a part of him didn’t want to.

Maybe it was the 5 rounds of shots that Jisoo ordered up for the group, or maybe it was the 3 glasses of Vodka Redbulls that he had consumed, but whatever it was, Rose felt too familiar, her rose scented perfume overpowering his senses as she leaned in close whenever she spoke to him, the way her laugh resounded above the noise of the blaring club music took him back to all the times she would laugh at all his lame jokes, the way she tilted her head back and laid a hand on his shoulder reminded him of how surprisingly gentle her touch was for someone who was so boisterous and loud, and the way she pouted at him when he refused her offer to dance with her echoed all the times she would pout at him in the past knowing that he would eventually give in and she’d get her way.

With the alcohol overpowering his system and Rose taking over his senses, he lets her pull him through the crowd until they were in the throng of sweaty bodies and booming music, and he watches as she whips her long red hair over her shoulder and starts to move around him. As she rests her hands on his shoulders and slowly moves closer towards him, moving her body against his, he’s reminded of the nights they spent with their bodies entwined and how he memorized every dip and curve in her skin like a map, causing his face to heat up at the memories.

As she notices the shift in his facial expression, she smirks, catching him off guard before grabbing his face and pulling down until their lips crashed together.

She kisses him hungrily, her lips moving fervently as her fingertips dug deeper into his skin, yet unlike the hundreds of kisses they shared before, this one tasted like bitter poison on his lips.

He instantly breaks away, pulling her hands off his body, as he looks at her in distaste. “What the fuck did you do that for?” he hisses.

She looks at him innocently, batting her lashes, before she shrugs. “I missed you, Junnie, and I know you missed me too.” She attempts to lay a hand on his shoulder but he shrugs her off, grabbing her hand and shoving it away.

“You haven’t changed at all, Rose.” he spits out. As he wipes his mouth and turns his back on her, his gaze meets a familiar pair of eyes from across the room, and he freezes, taking in the disappointed look on Soobin’s face, realizing that he had probably seen what just happened.

“Shit.” he says to himself, and as Soobin turns away and shakes his head, Yeonjun quickly darts across the room to meet him, trying his best to navigate through the crowd, keeping his eyes focused on his best friend.

“Soobin, wait.” Yeonjun finally says once he’s within earshot. “I need you to listen.” They’ve reached a less crowded and more quiet part of the club, by the bar, and Soobin had taken a seat on one of the barstools, running a frustrated hand through his hair before downing 3 consecutive shots of vodka. Yeonjun had never really seen his friend like this before.

“What, Yeonjun?” Soobin says, his face going sour as the alcohol slides down his throat. “Whatever it is you have to say, I’m listening now. But I have some things to say too, and when I start talking, you better listen carefully.”

Yeonjun takes a deep breath as he takes a seat beside Soobin, downing a shot of alcohol himself before looking him in the eyes. “I’m not sure what exactly you saw, but I’ll explain everything anyway. And I promise that I’ll listen to whatever you have to say too.” he begins slowly. “Kim Jisoo is here, as in Kim Jonghyun’s successor, the owner of the biggest Technology Firm in the country? Anyway, for as long as I can remember, my father has been very particular about staying on Jisoo’s good side for company relation purposes, and that means practically treating her like a VIP whenever I see her.”

He goes on to explain how Jisoo showed up with her friends and how Rose happened to be one of them, and about how the rest of the night had gone, up until the moment Rose pulled him in for a kiss and he cursed her out.

“Are you done now?” Soobin asks when Yeonjun finally stops talking. He had been quiet the whole time, staring at Yeonjun straight on as he absorbed every word that came out of his mouth. When Yeonjun nods, Soobin sighs.

“Yeonjun, I need you to be honest with me here. I’m going to ask you some questions and I want you to really think about it before you give me any answers.” Soobin says, and after Yeonjun nods, he begins.

“First of all, do you still have feelings for Rose?” he asks. Yeonjun’s mouth opens to flat out say ‘no,’ but upon seeing Soobin’s look of disapproval, he pauses and tries to think really hard about it.

He couldn’t deny that he definitely still felt that familiar spark that he used to feel whenever Rose was involved, but he chalked it up to the fact that she just felt familiar and he just felt nostalgic. “To be completely honest, I definitely felt something when I saw her again, but that was just because I was so surprised after not seeing her for what 2 years?” he says.

Soobin raises a brow. “But you definitely felt something? What did you feel?”

Yeonjun lets out an exasperated sigh. “I don’t know, it felt…familiar? She felt the same, I felt like a spark but that doesn’t mean anything.”

Soobin’s brows furrow together. “A spark? That doesn’t sound like nothing, Yeonjun.”

“Trust me, whatever it was, it means nothing to me. Because she’s a lying, cheating, manipulative mess of a person and she can go to hell for all I care.” he said, trying to sound as convincing and as chagrined as he could, but after seeing her again, it felt weird to talk about her as if she were trash.

“Whatever you say.” Soobin says, sounding unconvinced. Yeonjun could tell that Soobin was trying to maintain his composure and trying to remain level headed, but the way he rolled his shoulders back was a dead giveaway that he was close to losing it. “And now for my second question.” he says, taking a pause.

Yeonjun raises a brow. “Yeah? What is it?”

“Do you…” Soobin begins, hesitating. “Do you love B?”

Yeonjun stopped breathing for a moment, the mention of his girlfriend knocking the wind out of his lungs, the guilt of realizing that she hadn’t even crossed his mind the whole time he was with Rose filling his gut. “Do I love B?” he repeats.

Soobin nods, and judging by how tight his jaw was clenched, Yeonjun knew that he had to consider his answer very carefully. But how could he ever admit that she hadn’t crossed his mind the entire time he was with his ex?

“What kind of a question is that?” Yeonjun exclaims. “Soobin, we’ve only been dating for a couple of weeks, I don’t know. How would I know?” Yeonjun was panicking, the words tumbling out of his mouth. “How do you even know when you’re in love with someone after just 2 weeks—” he sputters, until Soobin takes him by surprise and slams a fist on the countertop, making Yeonjun jump in his seat.

“God damn it, Yeonjun. What the fuck are you saying?” Soobin says, his voice dangerously calm but the words coming out like venom, making Yeonjun wince. “It’s either you love her or you don’t, and right now, it doesn’t sound like you do.”

“Soobin, come on! I can’t just decide whether I love her or not. But I think I definitely could be in love with her.” Yeonjun says helplessly. “I mean, she’s amazing. She’s beautiful, she’s perfect, she’s… one of the best damn things to ever happen to me.” he finishes. “And maybe I’m not sure if I love her right now, but I know that I would make a complete ass of myself if I let a girl like her go, so I could very well love her anyway.”

Silence envelops them then, the club music and party goers sounding distant, as Soobin stares at Yeonjun calculating his answers, until he finally says “She saw you, you know.”

“Who? Baby? She saw me what?” Yeonjun asks nervously.

“She said she saw the look on your face when Rose walked into the club earlier. I wouldn’t have believed her until I saw you actually talking to Rose.” Soobin sighs. “I don’t know if it’s cause she was wasted, because believe me she reeked of alcohol, but she was a blubbering mess, Yeonjun. She was devastated. If she finds out that you kissed Rose, it would kill her.”

Yeonjun’s face starts to pale. “Shit, she saw that? And she told you? How did she even know about Rose?”

“Yes, she apparently saw that and yes, she told me all about it. That’s not the point, Yeonjun. Now this is the part where you listen to me. Very carefully.” Soobin says, his authoritative I’m-the-student-council-president voice taking over. “B is in a very fragile state right now. She was a big mess, crying her eyes out on the floor of the broom closet, already questioning her self-worth, insecurities eating her alive. She told me that it hurt to see you with your ex.”

“She said all that?” Yeonjun says, the guilt weighing down his heart. “What else did she say?”

“Maybe it should’ve been you, Soobin.”

Soobin shook his head, trying to forget that segment of their conversation and everything that followed. “She didn’t say much else. But you know what I said? I told her that you would be a complete idiot to let something as insignificant as your cheater of an ex to fuck things up. But I guess I was wrong.”

Now that really hurt Yeonjun. He put a hand on his chest. “You know she’s the one who kissed me, right?” he says. “Yes, I talked to her and all that, but—”

“You cheated on her, Yeonjun.” Soobin says quietly, making him freeze.

“What did you say?” Yeonjun asks, his hands shaking now. “Are you calling me a cheater, Choi?” his voice raised. How dare he? “Maybe what I did wasn’t right, but you know what a real cheater does? A real cheater uses you and fucks other people behind your back, all the while making you think that everything is your god damn fault.” Just like Rose did, he thought to himself. “And that’s not me.”

“‘Maybe it wasn’t right?’ Yeonjun, you were with your ex for almost the whole night. You could’ve left any time you wanted to but you didn’t. What’s worse is that you felt something, you felt a spark while you were with her. And maybe the kiss wasn’t your fault, but the fact that you even gave her a chance to let it happen speaks volumes to me.” Soobin answers back, his breaths coming in heavy as he starts to lose his composure.

Soobin shook his head. “Forget it. It’s your relationship that you’re fucking up, not mine. You believe whatever you want, tell B whatever you want, I’m staying out of it. But let me just say one last thing.” he says, standing up from the barstool. “You better not hurt her, Yeonjun.”

And with that, Soobin gives him one last meaningful look before downing another shot and walking away.

•°•

When Han Baby woke up the next morning, she was made aware of 3 things.

First, she was badly hungover.

She tried to open her eyes but the blinding lights glaring into the room were too bright for her dehydrated body to endure. She rolls over in bed and she immediately feels a wave of nausea shoot through her stomach as her whole world spins. She squeezes her eyes with her hands and stretches her arms outwards until they come in contact with something warm and soft and solid. A person.

Second, she was not alone in her bed. Surprised, she instantly turns her head to face whoever was sleeping in her bed, instantly regretting it when she feels the world around her spin once again, but an endeared smile instantly creeps into her face when she sees who the person was. It was Yeonjun, his blue hair standing out against her white sheets, one hand over his face and another resting on his bare chest, the blanket coming up to his stomach, which was lined with a subtle yet noticeable layer of muscles.

Third, Yeonjun was laying shirtless in her bed. And he had abs.

She felt her face heat up upon seeing so much of his bare skin and immediately peeked at the covers to see if she was still clothed, and sighed in relief when she saw that she was still wearing her dress from the night before. Once that was established, she takes a moment to observe her boyfriend, who looked like an angel with his glowing honey-tinted skin, his plump perfectly shaped lips slightly parted as he let out a few quiet snores in his sleep, making her giggle. She tries to recall the events that led up to having him sleep in her bed for the night, but nothing from the night before comes to mind.

What happened last night?

She remembered arriving at the club with Kai and walking in together with the guys, she remembered meeting Ryujin and Yuna inside, she remembered having a few shots with the group before someone suggested they play that Kiss or Tell game, but her mind was unable to conjure up images of anything that came after. Whatever happened, she figured it couldn’t have been anything bad since she woke up next to Yeonjun the night after his birthday party, and she was a bit curious and excited to find out how exactly it happened.

Remembering the date, she excitedly scooches closer to him, resting on her elbows as she leans over him and plants gentle kisses all over his face, from his cheeks to his forehead, to his nose and down to his lips.

Yeonjun lets out a noise, a sleepy grunt, before he runs a hand through his hair and slowly opens his eyes, surprised to see B looking down at him.

“Happy birthday, Choi Yeonjun.” she whispers, a bright smile on her face as their eyes meet. He smiles back at her, slowly and groggily, his eyes still cloudy with sleep.

He lifts a hand up and strokes her hair, savoring her radiant smile before gently pulling her towards him to let their lips meet once again. “And good morning to you, Han Baby.” he says, their lips still touching. When he feels her smile against his lips, he lets out a little laugh before pulling her in even closer, until she was lying down on top of him, the covers between their bodies. She lets her fingers roam, fiddling with the sheets until her hand comes in contact with the warm skin of his chest.

“Good morning to you, too.” she says, biting her lower lip to stop herself from smiling too much. “What are you doing here, birthday boy?”

He opens his mouth to respond, but his mind is unable to formulate an answer. As he tries to look back on the night before, he realizes that the last thing he remembers was welcoming Kim Jisoo and her friends, which happened to include his ex-girlfriend, into the club. He remembered hanging around them at Jisoo’s request and downing shots and drinking vodka, but after that, his mind went black.

His brows pull together as he responds “I’m actually not sure, the night is a bit of a blur to me, and there’s a lot that I don’t really remember.”

B sighs. “Maybe we can help each other fill in the blanks together? I tell you what I remember and you tell me what you remember?” she suggests, her fingers tracing circles over his torso.

“Are you drawing circles around my nipples?” Yeonjun asks, looking down at his chest where her fingers were. She immediately blushes and pulls her hands away, making him laugh. “Okay okay, let’s fill in the blanks together. What do you remember?”

B tells him about what she recalls, up until the game of Kiss or Tell. “After the game, I hardly remember anything. I think I went off with Ryujin and, knowing her, she’s probably the reason why I got blackout drunk.”

Yeonjun nods. “That sounds about right. I remember I was welcoming some people from my father’s guest list and I ended up tagging along with a few of them.”

“Oh? Which ones?” B asks, her fingers drawing random patterns on his skin.

“Kim Jisoo, heiress to the biggest Technology Firm in the nation. My father insists I treat her like a VIP every time I see her, so I practically have to kiss the ground she walks on. She brought a few friends with her, one of which…” Yeonjun hesitates, before taking a quick breath, “just so happened to be my ex.” he finishes.

B’s fingers freeze on his skin, her mouth snapping shut, as she tries to take in this information. She didn’t want to freak out over it, but a part of her had been insecure about Yeonjun’s past relationship ever since she found out about it. Everyone made it sound like such a big deal, her being his first love and all, and B’s curiosity got the best of her and she even ended up looking her up on social media and stalking her twitter account, which she instantly regretted because all it did was make her feel insecure about herself.

“Your ex?” B asks, trying to sound casual and unfazed. “Your first love, right?”

Yeonjun looks at her surprised and nods. “Yeah, how’d you know about that?”

“Ah, Ryujin and Yuna told me a bit about it. Her name was Rose, right?” B asks.

It felt wrong to hear her name come out of B’s lips, but he nods. “Yeah, Rose. She was with Kim Jisoo last night so I ended up seeing her too. I hope you don’t mind that I spent time with my ex last night.” he says. Granted, he didn’t remember much about what he did when he was with Rose last night, but that didn’t matter to him now.

B nods.  “Yeah, it’s fine, I shouldn’t even care about it, I mean it’s your relationship.”

“It was my relationship, but not anymore.” Yeonjun looks at her and notices that she was deliberately avoiding her gaze. “Baby.” he says, trying to get her attention. When her eyes shift to the floor, he cups her face in his hand and gently rubs his thumb against her cheek. “Hey, Baby, look at me.”

She finally looks at him then, and it’s clear in her eyes that she definitely didn’t like the idea of him seeing his ex again. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t avoid seeing her last night. I didn’t know she was gonna be there. If it bothers you or makes you uncomfortable in any way at all, I promise I’ll never see her again.” he says, soothingly tracing her jaw now. He uses his free hand to hold hers and press it against his chest, right where his heart is.

“Do you feel this, Baby?” he asks, the gentle rise and fall of his chest accompanied by the inexplicable beating of his heart. “This is all yours, Han Baby. I am all yours. I promise.” he says reassuringly. She gives a small smile but bites her lip, and he can tell that she was resisting. He uses his thumb to dislodge her lower lip from her teeth, gently brushing it.

“Thank you, Yeonjun.” she says, finally giving him a genuine smile. She knew it might’ve seen strange, and she didn’t want to be that insecure or controlling girlfriend, but it was nice to see that he was making the effort to make her happy, and that was enough for her. “Now I have one question for you…”

Yeonjun raises a brow, wondering what it could be.

She grins. “What happened to your shirt?”

Yeonjun bursts out laughing, his chest rumbling below her, sending vibrations through the sheets. “I think we’ll have to figure out the answer to that together, Baby. You wanna have breakfast before my father inevitably summons me for some bullshit birthday dinner with my family?”

B nods, giggling and booping his nose. “Whatever you want, birthday boy.”

•°•

Turns out that Yeonjun ended up shirtless because someone (presumably B) had thrown up on his shirt, as evidenced by his shirt found discarded on her bedroom floor with puke stains all over. Neither of them could recall how they ended up in B’s bed together or anything else from the night before, but they didn’t mind.

They spent most of the day lazing around B’s apartment, grateful that Kai had conveniently recovered from the chicken pox and no longer needed to stay over at her apartment. Once Yeonjun had received a message from his father telling him to be home by 5PM and a text from his driver saying that he was ready to pick him up and waiting outside B’s apartment, it was time for him to go.

“Um, Baby, as much as I know you don’t mind  me being in my shirtless state, I’m pretty sure that my parents would be highly concerned if I came home with a puke-stained shirt from the night before or with no shirt at all.” Yeonjun says after collecting his belongings.

“Oh, right. We probably should’ve washed your shirt when we got up this morning.” B says, slapping her forehead. “Wait, let me check my closet to see if I have anything you can borrow.” she says, opening her wardrobe.

Yeonjun chuckles. “Baby, you are aware of how adorably tiny you are, right?”

B huffs, looking through her cabinet. “I am well aware, thank you.” she says, quickly glaring at him before turning back to her clothes. “But I like to wear oversized clothes, so I might have something in here that could fit you.” she says, looking through the jackets and hoodies hanging in her closet, until she sees a big gray one that definitely looked like it could fit Yeonjun, or even big enough to look oversized on him.

“That looks like it would fit me. It looks like it would be a little too big on me, actually.” Yeonjun observes as B examines the big gray hoodie. “Wow, how big is that on you? It looks like you could wear it as a dress.”

“It goes all the way down to my knees, actually.” B whispers under her breath. “I, uh, I don’t think this hoodie’s any good. I know I have a button down here somewhere that would be perfect fit on you.” she says, quickly putting the big gray hoodie back in and rummaging through the clothes.

“What? Why not?” Yeonjun asks.

Because it’s Soobin’s, she thought. And at the thought of Soobin, her heart aches for some inexplicable reason.

“Because I haven’t really washed it, ah, here it is.” B says dismissively, taking out a plaid button-down shirt and handing it over to him. “I’m sure this will fit you perfectly.”

Yeonjun puts the shirt on and starts buttoning it up, his biceps straining against the fabric. “I’m not much of a plaid guy, but this will do.” he says, fixing the shirt up. “How does it look?”

B giggles. “I’m pretty sure it’s the girlfriend who’s supposed to be wearing the boyfriend’s clothes, but that shirt definitely looks better on you than it ever has on me.”

Yeonjun grins. “Guess we're breaking gender stereotypes then. Alright, you can wear my clothes anytime you want. And thanks, Baby.” he says, giving her a quick kiss. “I really have to go now, Hwall’s been waiting for me downstairs and I don’t think I can keep my father waiting any longer either.”

“It’s alright, Yeonjunie.” she says, rubbing their noses together. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow. Happy birthday.” she says again.

“Thanks, Baby.” he says, kissing her forehead, making his way down to kiss the tip of her nose, and finally her lips before pulling away. “See you tomorrow.”

And with that, she escorts him out of her apartment, watching him make his way down the building and waving him off as he gets into his car.

She sighs as she closes the front door behind her, laying a hand over her chest. Spending the day with Yeonjun was great, but she couldn’t stop thinking of that second of heartache she felt when she thought of Soobin, and how she felt the pain once again as soon as he popped into her mind.

What was that about?

•°•

“Soobin.”

“…”

“Soobin?”

“…”

“Soobin!”

After the third time, he couldn’t resist any longer. He sighs and plasters on a smile before turning to face her. “Hey B.” It was Monday, 2 days after the disastrous events that took place at Yeonjun’s birthday party, and he had been trying his best to avoid both of them. He didn’t know what Yeonjun had told B or how much B knew about what happened on Saturday night, but a part of him was surprised when the pair arrived at school together on Yeonjun’s new motorbike, which was a birthday gift from his parents. “What’s up?” Soobin adds, trying to push away all his thoughts and feign normalcy.

“What’s up? Are you kidding me? You haven’t said a single thing to me today and the first thing you say is ‘what’s up?’” B asks playfully, nudging his arm. That was true, he had gone the whole day without speaking to either of them, which had been easy enough since the 2 of them were practically in their own love bubble at lunch, making it easier for Soobin to stay away. It was currently their last period, their Creative Writing class, and Yeonjun had been pulled out of school for the afternoon by his father so he was absent, leaving B and Soobin alone.

“Technically, the first thing I said was ‘Hey B.’” Soobin returns with a playful tone. “Why? Is there anything you wanna talk about?” he asks a bit nervously. Knowing how wasted she was the last time he saw her, he was unsure about whether or not she remembered anything about their conversation in the broom closet, but he was hoping that she didn’t. Especially the part where he said:

“It’s not like I never liked you, because I did. And I still do.”

To his surprise and relief, B just shakes her head. “Nah, you just seemed a bit off today and I just wanted to know if you were okay. Is there anything you wanna talk about?” she asks.

Soobin’s smile suddenly felt very pained. He wanted to do his best to avoid them and stay out of their relationship, but why did she have to be so damn sweet? And why did she have to look so damn good? He always found her to be rather attractive, from the moment he caught her at the steps on the first day of school, but now she looked absolutely radiant. Her skin was glowing in contrast to her long dark hair, making the blush creeping into her cheeks and her plump pink lips stand out. She looked so beautiful it made his heart ache. “No, I’m fine, but thanks for worrying about me, B.” he simply says.

B raises a brow. “Are you sure? You’ve been looking mopey and sad all day.” she says, concerned. “This something happen? I haven’t heard from you or the other guys all weekend either, except for Ninging.”

Soobin shakes his head. “Nothing’s happened, everything’s fine.” he lies, but then he stops. He knew that something definitely happened and that not everything was fine, but she was acting too cheerful considering what happened last Saturday night. “What about you? How was your weekend? Did anything happen?” he asks, curious now.

“My weekend was nice. I woke up on Sunday morning hungover as fuck, but I woke up and Yeonjun was there in my apartment with me!” she laughs. “It’s actually really funny cause neither of us remember how we ended up together in my apartment. I guess we both got way too drunk last Saturday night. I don’t mind though, cause I got to spend most of Sunday celebrating Yeonjun’s birthday with him until he had to go. It was really nice.” B says with a happy smile on my face.

No way. Did she not know? “Oh that does sound nice. I can’t believe you got wasted last Saturday night though. How much do you remember?” he asks, wanting to know.

She bites her lip, trying her best to recall. “Honestly, not much. I only remember up until we played that Kiss or Tell game then we all sort of went our own ways. Ryujin dragged me along and I’m pretty sure we ended up doing shots, which is probably how I got so drunk. Other than that, the night’s a blank. Same goes for Yeonjun, though he did tell me that he remembered seeing his ex girlfriend there. You knew his ex, right?” she asks with wide curious eyes.

So Yeonjun didn’t tell her? “Yeah, I remember Rose. I can’t believe she was there. Did Yeonjun mention anything else? I mean, it must have been weird for him to see his ex again after 2 years.” he says, the kiss between Yeonjun and Rose clear in his mind and the confrontation that followed after still lingering in his thoughts.

B shakes her head. “I guess it was a bit weird but he didn’t mention anything, just that he ended up getting pretty drunk as well. And I know it sounds crazy, but to be honest, the thought of him seeing his ex girlfriend again makes me feel sick but he promised he wouldn’t see her again or do anything that made me feel uncomfortable. Isn’t he sweet?” she says, laughing.

No fucking way. He didn’t tell her. Now Soobin was mad, and he badly needed to keep himself together. He didn’t want to lose it, especially not in front of B, who didn’t seem to know anything. “Wow, that does sound sweet.” he says, trying not to let the bitterness creep into his tone.

B nods. “He really is.” she says dreamily. Soobin grips his seat tightly, his knuckles straining as he tried to keep his composure. How could Yeonjun not tell her? And how could she sit there and gush over him? The whole thing made him feel sick and he wished he never saw B crying in the broom closet or that he never saw Yeonjun kissing Rose, he wished he could be as blissfully unaware as B was, cause the whole thing was making his blood boil. He just wanted to get away from both of them, to follow Taehyun’s advice and stay as far away from their relationship as possible.

Just as he felt like he was about to combust, their teacher catches the class’s attention.

“Hello class. I can see that a lot of you have been making good progress with your social media project, but I have to say that over the weeks, I don’t feel like there’s much of a story in your posts. I’ve decided to extend your project up until the end of the term, and I’m sure you’ll all be happy to know that you’ll be stuck with your partners until then.” Sir Kim announces, sending the class buzzing.

B turns to Soobin with a big smile on her face. “Hear that, Soobin? Looks like we’ll be stuck together ‘till the end of the term.” she says excitedly.

Soobin gives her a pained smile in return. “Great.”

•°•

“Hey Baba, remind me I need to stop by your place to pick up my stuff.” Kai says as he munches on his egg tarts.

B nods. “Sure thing, Ninging. I already cleaned up the guest room and I left all your clothes folded neatly on the bed.”

It was after school and they were doing their usual hangout at Kang’s café, and Soobin felt like he was going out of his mind. He kept bouncing his knee under the table and shaking his legs, as if something were trying to crawl out of his skin.

Noticing this, Taehyun nudges his leg and raises a brow at him.

In response, Soobin decides to send him a text.

“Ah, my mom just texted me that she needs help lifting some things in the pantry. Soobin, can you come with me? I could use your help.” Taehyun says casually, finishing up his glass of lemonade.

Soobin nods and stands straight up. “Let’s go.” he says, making his way to the kitchen before Taehyun even got the chance to stand up.

Taehyun sighs, leaving the table and following after him. Beomgyu shoots him a confused look, but Taehyun just shakes his head in response, leaving Beomgyu at the table with B and Kai.

Taehyun leads the way into the pantry at the very back of the kitchen, letting Soobin in before locking the door behind him.

“Okay, we should be safe here. Now tell me, what’s wrong? Why do you look like you can’t breathe whenever you’re with B?” Taehyun says, folding his arms across his chest.

Soobin takes a deep breath. “Okay, remember when I found B wasted and crying her eyes out over seeing Yeonjun with Rose last Saturday?” he begins. Taehyun nods, urging him to continue. “Well, there’s more to it than just that.”

“What do you mean?” Taehyun asks. “You know, we still haven’t really talked about what happened last Saturday night, I was too busy to call you yesterday. I need you to tell me everything now.”

“Alright, so I saw B crying because she saw Yeonjun with Rose, she was an insecure wreck so I tried to comfort her and out of nowhere she says ‘Maybe it should’ve been you, Soobin.’” he says, holding up his hands to do air quotes. “So I was like, what’s that supposed to mean? Then she said that people have told her before that she and I would’ve been a good couple or something and then she says something like ‘maybe I should’ve chosen you, even though that wasn’t an option cause you never liked me’ and that’s when I ended up telling her ‘It’s not like I never liked you, cause I did, and I still do.’” Soobin says, groaning as he covers his face with his hands in shame.

Taehyun goes soft and lets out an “Aw, Soobin. That’s how you told her you like her?”

Soobin nods. “Yes, and I know I said that I wished she wouldn’t remember anything, and guess what, she doesn’t remember anything!”

“Isn’t that a good thing? Now you won’t have to clear the air with her about you whole ‘I like you’ confession.” Taehyun asks.

“Yes, but I mean she doesn’t remember anything. All she remembers is up until the end of the Kiss or Tell game and then getting drunk with Ryujin. She doesn’t remember seeing Yeonjun with Rose, she doesn’t remember how devastated she was when she saw them together.” Soobin say, running a hand through his hair.

“Well, that still doesn’t seem too bad. At least now she won’t feel bad about it.” Taehyun reasons out.

Soobin shakes his head. “That’s not all. After you and Gyu arrived and you kicked me out of the broom closet, I started wandering around the club, then I saw Yeonjun with Rose. It seemed fine at first, they seemed like 2 people catching up and having a good time, dancing in the club, but then she kisses him.”

Taehyun’s eyes widen. “Yeonjun and Rose kissed last Saturday night?” he says in disbelief. “When? How? Why?”

“I dunno, I think it was about 30 minutes after I left you and Gyu with B? And it was like I said, one minute they’re talking and laughing, then the next minute they’re on the dance floor, and next thing I know they’re kissing.” Soobin says. “Yeonjun pulled away, and that’s when he saw me and we had a little talk.”

“Wow, that sounds bad. Rose is such a bitch, I’ve always hated her. What did you 2 talk about?” Taehyun remarks.

“I sorta just confronted him about it. I gave him a chance to explain what just happened, I asked him if he still had feelings for Rose and he said he felt a spark or something, I asked him if he loves B and he didn’t seem to know. I told him that B saw him and Rose together and how messed up she was over it. I told him that he cheated on B, that even if Rose was the one who kissed him he shouldn’t have given her a chance to let it happen in the first place. And I told him that he better not hurt B. That’s it.” Soobin says, explaining the gist of their conversation.

“That’s, wow, that’s a lot to unpack.” Taehyun says, trying to absorb everything. “I think you do have a point about it being Yeonjun’s fault that Rose kissed him, he should’ve known and just stayed away from her instead of letting something like that happen. But don’t you think that calling him a cheater was a little bit harsh?”

Soobin shakes his head, looking tired. “Maybe, but it’s how I see it. First, he admits that he still feels a spark when he was with his ex, then he spends a big chunk of the night with her, then he ends up being kissed by her? All while his girlfriend is crying her eyes out just from the mere sight of them together? I don’t know about you, but for me, as long as you have feelings for someone, especially for your ex, while you’re currently in a relationship, it feels like cheating to me.” he explains. “And seeing B like that, I just… I don’t want to see her that hurt ever again.”

Taehyun nods. “When you put it like that, Yeonjun definitely sounds guilty. And I have to agree that seeing B like that really just makes the whole Yeonjun and Rose thing a lot worse.” he says. “But B doesn’t seem to be bothered or anything. She looks very happy.”

Soobin nods. “Exactly. And you wanna know why? It’s cause she doesn’t know anything. She doesn’t remember seeing Yeonjun and Rose together, she doesn’t remember being absolutely heartbroken over seeing Yeonjun and Rose together, and she doesn’t know that Yeonjun and Rose kissed. Yeonjun didn’t tell her.”

“Are you serious?” Taehyun says, his tone still calm. This was one reason why Soobin enjoyed talking to Taehyun, he was always so calm, empathetic, non-judgmental, and logical. He felt like he could talk to him about anything without worry and he’d listen or give great advice if you needed it. “Yeonjun didn’t tell her anything?”

“Well, she mentioned that Yeonjun told her about seeing his ex at the club and he told her that he’d never see her again if it made B uncomfortable, but that’s about it.” Soobin says. “He didn’t tell her about the kiss, and it’s either because he didn’t want to, or…”

“…or he doesn’t remember it.” Taehyun finishes. “Have you talked to Yeonjun about it?”

Soobin shakes his head. “I’m finally taking your advice and keeping myself as far away from their relationship as possible. Heck, I was determined not to speak to either of them anymore, until B started talking to me in our Creative Writing class while Yeonjun was absent. And of course, I’m stuck with her as my partner for the rest of the term.” he sighs. “But I don’t know how I can survive this, I don’t think I can stand to talk to her and smile at her after seeing her so heartbroken over something she doesn’t even remember, after seeing Yeonjun kiss Rose and her not knowing about it. I don’t know what to do.”

“That’s definitely a tough one, Choi.” Taehyun remarks, taking a moment to think it over. “Okay, I’m going to assume that Yeonjun isn’t a complete jerk and that he didn’t tell B about the kiss because he didn’t remember it. Is Yeonjun still in the wrong? Yes, because he put himself in a situation with his ex. But is it a problem? For now, no. Because neither of them know about it, neither of them are currently affected by it. It will become a problem if B finds out about it from someone else, or if Yeonjun remembers the kiss and doesn’t tell her about it.”

“So what are you saying? That there’s no problem here?” Soobin asks, surprised by Taehyun’s verdict.

“Oh, there’s definitely a problem, but I’m just saying that right now, that problem is dormant since neither of them know about it. I’m saying that there’s nothing to deal with yet, since the problem is still dormant.” Taehyun says. “For now, they’re basically living the whole ignorance is bliss thing. Assuming that Yeonjun doesn’t remember, neither of them know about the kiss, therefore it isn’t a problem.”

“So basically it’ll only be a problem if B somehow finds out about it or if Yeonjun remembers it?” Soobin asks.

Taehyun nods. “Correct. If Yeonjun does end up remembering it, the problem will depend on whether or not he tells B about it.”

“So what am I supposed to do? I remember it, I know about it, I saw it, I saw everything. I don’t know what to do.” Soobin says, looking as confused as ever.

“Soobin, if I were you, I’d just sit this one out. It’s gonna be hard, but for now, you’re just gonna have to pretend that the problem doesn’t exist. If you tell either of them what you saw that night, it could only cause bigger problems. My advice for you remains the same, just try to keep yourself as far away from their relationship as possible. That doesn’t mean that you should avoid them, just be their friend but draw the line when it comes to their relationship.” Taehyun says.

“So I just pretend that I know nothing. Got it.” Soobin says, nodding once for covering his face with his hands and letting out a loud groan.

“Are you good now? Come on, we better get back or they’ll start wondering what’s taking us so long.” Taehyun asks.

“Wait, you haven’t told me about what happened to you last Saturday night. You said you kissed your crush! Who is it? How did it happen?” Soobin exclaims, suddenly remembering.

Taehyun laughs. “Maybe another time, Soobin.” he says with a mischievous smile, unlocking the door before leading the way out of the pantry, through the kitchen, and back to the table.

•°•

“Alright, I have to be home in 15 minutes and I still have to drop by B’s place to pick up my stuff, so we have to go now or else Lea will kill me!” Kai exclaims, seeing the text from his older sister.

B laughs, patting him on the back. “Alright, let’s get going then! Lucky for you, I live right across the street.” she says teasingly. “Tyunnie, you wanna walk home with us?”

Taehyun smiles but shakes his head. “No, I have to stay and help clean up today. You guys go ahead and be safe.” he politely declines.

Kai shrugs. “Alright, you be safe too. See you tomorrow!” he says, grabbing B’s arm and practically dragging her along with him as he rushes out of the café.

“I should probably go too, I’ve got a lot of homework to do. Whoever said that senior year would be a breeze was full of shit.” Soobin groans, looking through the checklist of tasks he had on his phone. “Gyu, you need a ride? I can drop you off along the way.” he offers.

Beomgyu shakes his head. “Nah, I’m good. I’ve got a quiz tomorrow, so I think I’ll just stay here and study for a bit.” he says, taking out some notebooks and pens from his school bag and laying them down on the table.

“Wow, I never knew you actually studied.” Soobin remarks, causing Beomgyu to snort. “Good luck with that then, I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” he says, waving goodbye to Taehyun and Beomgyu.

For a while, the 2 of them sit alone at the table in silence. Beomgyu was reading through his notes, highlighting a few things along the way, while Taehyun sat across him, finishing up his 3rd glass of lemonade. As Taehyun’s glass becomes empty, he stands up and takes the glass with him. As he’s about to walk away from the table, he’s surprised when he feels someone grab his free hand, stopping him in his place.

He looks back and sees Beomgyu looking at him, his notes sprawled across the table, a sentence remained half highlighted as if Beomgyu stopped midway just to grab Taehyun’s hand before he left.

Which was exactly what he did.

“Yes?” Taehyun asks, turning to face the boy.

Beomgyu looks nervous for a moment, like he was doubting himself and as if he were starting to regret grabbing Taehyun’s hand, but then he takes a deep breath and says “Wait. Don’t go.”

“Why? I’m right here.” Taehyun says, raising a brow.

“I just—” Beomgyu starts, his breathe shaking as he looks down at his hand holding Taehyun’s before looking up at him again. “I think we need to talk.”

“About what?” Taehyun asks, even though he knew exactly what he meant.

“About last Saturday night.” Beomgyu says, his eyes closing as the memory crosses his mind for the millionth time. “About our kiss.”

Taehyun sighs. “Look, I already said it’s fine, you panicked and kissed me on the lips, it was just a stupid game, it was nothing.”

“You know that’s not the kiss I was talking about.” Beomgyu says, a different kiss on his mind. He remembered standing by the bar with Taehyun after game ended, laughing and apologizing about how he had panicked and kissed him on the lips. He remembered Taehyun telling him that it was fine and that there was no need for him to apologize. “And I didn’t panic.” He remembered taking a couple of shots with him, and they asked each other a question every time they took a shot. He remembered asking Taehyun if he minded that Beomgyu had kissed him on the lips, and he said no. He remembered Taehyun asking him if he wouldn’t mind doing it again, and he said no.

“I wouldn’t mind at all.”

“So go ahead and kiss me, Choi.”

He remembered downing another shot and saying “Oh, what the hell.”  Before taking Taehyun’s face in his hands for the second time that night, looking deep into his eyes to see if he really wanted it, before leaning in and letting their lips touch once again.

“So, you wanna talk about it?” Beomgyu asks, the memory playing in his mind over and over again.

Taehyun smiles, his heart melting at how unusually vulnerable the usually confident Beomgyu looked. “Alright.” he says, bending down to take a seat at the table, not letting go of his hand. “Let’s talk.”

•°•

Author’s note:

I know it’s a little late :c and I’m sorry cause I’ll be a lot busier these days bc life is suddenly moving again :c but :c Happy Yeonjun day!

[dawnofdaybreak]

Title: Another Cliche’ Love Story

Pairing: Jongho

Rating: NC-17

Summary: In which Minho and Jonghyun are best friends but things get complicated.

[aff link] [ao3 link]

[part one] [part two]

Part Three (Finished)

Minho isn’t quite sure how to describe the feeling he experiences when he wakes with Jonghyun’s naked body pressing back comfortably against his. The feeling is reminiscent of the feeling he gets when he scores the winning goal for a soccer game or aces a test he didn’t study for. It’s so much more self-satisfying than that though, the content emotions running through him right now are so intense, Minho’s sure he’s never experienced this before.

 He watches Jonghyun’s flawless face as he sleeps, the way his chest moves up and down with tiny breaths. Minho brushes away a few silver strands of hair that were covering the other’s forehead. Jonghyun is so beautiful and Minho’s so unbelievably happy to be able to call Jonghyun his.

 The elder male begins to stir a little, causing Minho to pull his hand back, but he doesn’t move away from Jonghyun’s warmth.

 “Were you watching me sleep?” Jonghyun asks groggily.

 Minho tries to suppress his smile. “No.”

 “Liar.”

 “Okay, you caught me.”

 Jonghyun inches closer and presses a light kiss to Minho’s chest which is heaving a bit with laughter. “Minho-yah.” Jonghyun uses his index finger to trace small circles around Minho’s left nipple which is very distracting in the brunet’s opinion. “I’m hungry.”

 Minho bursts out laughing at what Jonghyun is suggesting he do for him. “Fine hyung, I’ll make us something to eat.”

 Jonghyun smiles in triumph as Minho gets out of bed, dressing himself in a pair of discarded boxers on the floor, completely unsure if they’re his or Jonghyun’s – not like it matters anyway.  

    It doesn’t take long for Minho to maneuver himself around Jonghyun’s kitchen and prepare sandwiches for them both. When he returns to the elder’s room with said sandwiches and a glass of orange juice, Jonghyun is nowhere to be found. Minho frowns until his ears pick up on the sound of water running. He smirks as he sets the food and beverage onto Jonghyun’s small bedside table.

   The pair find themselves quenching their passion yet again, as lukewarm water cascades all around them. Jonghyun’s legs are wrapped tightly around Minho’s waist as the latter’s skin burns from the feel of the elder’s lips moving across his body.  

 “Oh God Minho.”

 Their pace is slow, languid almost, but satisfying all the same.  Minho moans out his hyung’s name as he feels that familiar twisting in his gut. He grunts as he climaxes into Jonghyun’s heat, ungracefully locking lips with the shorter male.  Jonghyun comes right after, hand curled around his own member as the water begins to run cold.

    After the intensity and shock of their first night spent together passes over, words that Minho dreaded hearing left Jonghyun’s lips.

 “We need to talk about this Minho.”

 Minho sighs, burying his face into Jonghyun’s shoulder. “Babe please, let’s not do this now.” He hopes that this conversation will be dropped, not really wanting to think about Taemin and the consequences of his and Jonghyun’s actions last night.

 “Minho-“

 The sudden sound of Minho’s ringtone cuts Jonghyun off much to Minho’s silent relief.

 “Hello.”

 “MINHO!”  It’s Kibum and Minho cringes at the volume of the other’s voice. “You were supposed to be to the airport to pick me up 20 minutes ago. Where the hell are you!?” Minho drags his hand over his face in pure exasperation. Kibum’s return to Korea was remembered up until last night. Now, all he can think about is the little whine Jonghyun makes when he pushes into his-

 “Well?! Minho, where the hell are you please tell me you’re on your way.”

 “Give me 20 more minutes please, I’ll be there.” Minho ends the call before Kibum can reply.

 “Taemin huh?”

 Minho winces at the sadness lacing Jonghyun’s tone. “No. It was Kibum. I have to go.” Minho tries to press a kiss to Jonghyun’s lips but the elder shifts his head. Minho sighs, settling for Jonghyun’s cheek instead.

 “I’ll come by later, we can talk then okay?”

 Jonghyun doesn’t respond.

        “I’m sorry Key, I went out last night and got a little drunk and woke up super late this morning.” Minho apologizes the minute he’s in speaking distance of Kibum. The other simply glares at Minho, shoving his suitcase into Minho’s hands and storms off – much like a spoiled child – to Minho’s car.

 Minho sighs, knowing that Kibum’s not usually subject to having to wait on people.

    “Seriously Kibum, I’m really sorry.” Minho apologizes for the 6th time once they’re making their way through the heart of Seoul. “Are you seriously not going to talk to me or even acknowledge my apology? Come on Bummie please…I can’t say I’m sorry enough.”

 Kibum groans at the nickname. “Fine, Minho, I know you’re just gonna keep nagging me until I forgive you so fine! You’re forgiven.”

 Minho gives a small smile of triumph, reaching with his right hand to pat Kibum’s cheek. Key swats Minho’s hand away, still looking somewhat annoyed.

 “I’m just peeved because I had some things I had to get done today before Tae’s big dance recital tonight. Now I’m falling behind on my schedule.”

 Minho’s mouth immediately relaxes. He pales. Oh shit! He totally forgot about that. His eyes lose their focus as he chastises himself. How could he forget?! Taemin’s been talking about this for months for Christ’s sake! Thousands of scouts from professional agencies would be looking for future dancers and choreographers tonight. This would be an important moment in Taemin’s future career as a dancer and it completely slipped Minho’s mind.

 “You didn’t forget did you?” Kibum looks at him with narrowed eyes.

 Minho forces himself to chuckle, looking at Kibum as if he’d just asked him something stupid. “No, of course not.”

        The performing arts center of Taemin’s school is filled to the brim as Minho and Kibum settle into their seats. Kibum complains about how far they are from the stage, frowning when Minho doesn’t agree with him. The younger man is too absorbed with his cell phone to pay attention to his surroundings – checking for mixed calls or messages from Jonghyun. He’d texted the older man earlier to let him know he wasn’t sure he’d be able to come over tonight, but there’s still no response. Minho turns his phone on silent and sinks into his seat as the lights begin to dim.

 There are about nine performances before Taemin along with his best friend Jongin, take the stage as the final act. They would be dancing to a mashup of songs, a piece Taemin choreographed himself. Minho’s seen this performance hundreds of times during Taemin’s practice sessions. However he feels a sense of pride watching his boyfriend perform the piece he’s been working on for months in front of hundreds of people.

 “Wow, they’re really doing amazing. They haven’t missed a beat.”

 Minho nods in silent agreement, watching with proud eyes as the music transitions from dubstep to a lighter less gritty sound. Minho knows the end is nearing. Instead of ending abruptly like most of the other performers tonight, Taemin and Jongin were ending their performance on a graceful note.

 Minho smiles as he watches the two men spin on the tips of their toes and then collapse onto the stage as the chillstep song comes to an end.  He knows that move was difficult for Taemin, especially since he doesn’t have the extensive history in ballet that Jongin has.

 The crowd erupts into a standing ovation, cheers and hollers echoing all around the room. Minho and Kibum stand as well, with Kibum doing enough yelling to rival everyone else in the building.

    “He’s gotta get recruited by at least 10 companies after that performance,” Kibum comments as he and Minho wait for Taemin to emerge from the dressing rooms.

 “I’m sure he will be.” Minho takes his phone out of his pocket to check the time, and then grows worried as he sees one missed call and 7 text messages from Jonghyun.

Texts from Jonghyunnie♥♥♥, 2 hours ago:

Hey

 are you still coming over so we can talk?

 minho? it’s getting late and I still haven’t heard from u

 …are u ignoring me?

 im sorry, we don’t have to talk about taemin if u don’t want to

 please don’t be mad at me

 im sorry

 “Are you okay?” Kibum asks as he takes in Minho’s expression.

 “I’m fine,” Minho says a little too quickly to be true. He sighs and pockets his phone. “Really, I’m fine,” he rolls his eyes at Kibum’s disbelieving look.

Taemin joins them a minute later. He’s freshly showered and all smiles as Kibum reigns down the praises.

 “Oh my God Tae that was fantastic! I’ve known you for almost eight years and I didn’t even know you could move like that!”

 Minho gives a tight lipped smile when Taemin turns to him. “You knocked them dead babe,” he says as he places a kiss on Taemin’s cheek.

 Taemin giggles in response while Minho wraps an arm around his waist.

 “Thanks guys. We’re having a small get together at Jongin’s house. You guys are coming right.”

 “Um I-“

 “Of course we are,” Kibum cuts Minho off.

 “Excuse me.”

 The three men look to the older man who addresses them.

“Are you Mr. Lee Taemin?” The man looks at Taemin.

 Taemin nods and slips out of Minho’s grasp.

 “That performance you and your colleague gave tonight was amazing. If you don’t mind, can I speak to you in private?”

 “Sure.”

    “So, you wanna head straight to the party or you wanna go home and change first?”

 Minho glances sideways at Kibum. “I think you should head to the party with Tae. I’ve got something to do first.”

 Kibum narrows his eyes. “Does this have something to do with the text messages you were reading earlier.”

Minho sighs. “No. Something just came up that I need to take care of first.”

 Taemin comes practically skipping to the pair, with a huge smile plastered on his face.

 “Good news I presume…” Kibum murmurs.

 “You guys, that man is the head of recruitment for a choreographing company and he wants me and Jongin to come and work with them!”

 “Oh my God that’s amazing Tae,” Kibum squeezes the younger man tight. “Did you already accept?”

 “No, he said to just think about it for now. Jongin and I are gonna go to his company later on this week and talk about all the details.”

 Minho ruffles Taemin’s hair. “I’m so proud of you.”

 Taemin blushes hotly. “Jongin’s bringing his car around front so we can get going.”

 Minho frowns. “About that…there’s something I have to go and do first.”

 “Oh.”

 Guilt wells up in Minho as he sees Taemin’s smile replaced with sheer disappointment.

 “I’ll be there don’t worry, I just gotta go take care of this thing. Kibum will ride with you guys.” Minho gives Taemin a kiss on the cheek for good measure, and nods to Kibum who gives him a scathing look.

 He’s barely out of earshot when Kibum mumbles, “How dodgy.”

         “Hyung, open up, it’s freezing out here.”  Minho knocks on Jonghyun’s door for the fourth time. It’s just past ten, he didn’t expect Jonghyun to go to bed so early. He grabs his phone and opens up his chat log with Jonghyun just as the older man opens the door.

 Jonghyun is dressed in only boxers with his hair dripping wet, which Minho assumes is from a recent shower.

 “Minho?” Jonghyun pulls the younger man inside and wraps his arms tightly around him. “I thought you weren’t coming I-I thought you were mad at me. I’m sorry.”

 Minho chuckles at how panicked Jonghyun sounds. He pulls away to kiss the shorter man. “It’s okay baby, I wasn’t mad.”

 “Where were you tonight?”

 “T-Tae had a dance recital…”

 “Oh.” Jonghyun gives Minho that same disappointed look Taemin gave him earlier. But then Jonghyun kisses him with such passion that Minho forgets all about Taemin. His head feels light, like he might just float away. “Let’s not talk about him. Not now at least.”

 Minho smiles as Jonghyun leads him to the couch in his living room and begins an assault on his neck.

“I missed you.”

 “I m-missed you too baby, but I ahh…can’t stay.”

 Jonghyun pouts as he untucks Minho’s dress shirt from his pants and begins unbuttoning it.

 Minho groans as Jonghyun’s lips latch onto his chest. He feels Jonghyun’s finger toying with the button on his slacks and all his resolve disappears. He’s unable to tell Jonghyun to stop now.

 “I’ve wanted to do this from last night,” Jonghyun breathes as he pulls Minho’s cock out into the warm air of his heated apartment.

 Minho lets out the most unmanly whimper as Jonghyun takes him into his mouth, teasing at first, but growing more and more firm and enthusiastic as time draws on.

 “Fuck hyung,” Minho moans as Jonghyun pumps him with his hand before taking him into his mouth again. He’s got his head tilted back, teeth digging into his lower lip as his fingers dig into the cushions.

 Jonghyun lets him out of his mouth again with an obscene pop. “You can grab onto my hair, I know you want to.”

 Minho bites his lip and grabs onto Jonghyun’s silver locks. He tugs lightly, helping guide the movements of Jonghyun’s head up and down his cock. “B-Baby, you’re s-so good,” Minho moans as Jonghyun’s tongue works wonders up and down his shaft.

 Minho’s words spur Jonghyun to suck Minho harder until the younger man becomes a whimpering mess beneath him.

 “B-Babe I-I’m gonna – f-fuck, I’m gonna cum,” Minho moans out before coming suddenly.

 He half expected Jonghyun to gag and spit it out – but when Minho sees the bobbing of Jonghyun’s adam’s apple, he looks at him with blown pupils.

 Jonghyun pulls off of Minho’s cock with a smile. “Was it good?”

 All Minho can do is nod, unable to form words just yet.

 “Good.” Jonghyun pecks Minho’s lips and pulls his underwear and pants back up for him. He sits down next to Minho and laces their fingers together. “I guess I understand if you have to leave…but can you stay with me for a bit, at least until I fall asleep?”

 Minho can’t possibly say no – not to Jonghyun.

    Minho ends up staying longer than a bit and much longer than after Jonghyun falls asleep. How could he leave with Jonghyun snuggled onto his chest and looking so damn peaceful in his embrace? Minho sighs when he hears his phone vibrate on the nightstand for what he thinks is the 10th time that night – the light from it casting a dim glow in the room. He reaches over and turns it off, before he pecks Jonghyun’s forehead and closes his eyes. He’ll just deal with everything tomorrow.

        “Where were you last night?” Taemin asks as soon as Minho lets him into his apartment. “Key hyung and I called and texted you a bunch of times and you didn’t answer anything. We were worried Minho!”

 Minho sighs. “Something came up Tae…”

 “What do you mean something came up?! Something so important that you missed the after party of one of the most important nights in my life? It couldn’t wait?”

 Minho runs a hand through his hair. “I’m not about to fight with you Taemin. Something important came up that I had to deal with. I’m sorry that it took so long and I missed the party and I’m sorry I didn’t call and let you know I was okay. M-My phone was on low battery and then it died,” Minho lies.

 Taemin sighs. “I j-just really wanted you to be there Minho. I wanted to celebrate my achievements with you. And I hardly even talked to you last night. I saw you for two seconds and then you were gone.”

 Minho feels guilt rise up in him. “I’m sorry baby. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

 “O-Okay.” Taemin leans forward and presses a gentle kiss to Minho’s lips. Minho forces himself to kiss Taemin back – mind registering how wrong this is, considering that he just kissed Jonghyun goodbye this morning. When Taemin tries to deepen the kiss, Minho pulls away.

 “What’s wrong?” Taemin looks at him confused.

 “Nothing baby,” Minho forces a smile. “I’m just tired.”

 “Oh.”

 Minho pretends he doesn’t hear the feeling of rejection in Taemin’s voice.

        On Thursday after his last final, Minho and a few of his soccer teammates decide to have a little scrimmage before they part ways for the break. Minho invites Jonghyun to come and watch, eager to show him how much he’s improved since the last time Jonghyun watched him play soccer.

 Jonghyun gives Minho a big wave when he arrives and Minho gives him an even bigger one back. He smiles at how cute Jonghyun looks in his oversized jacket, along with a beanie on his head.

 “Who’s that?” Jihan – one of Minho’s teammates – asks.

 “He’s a close friend of mine,” Minho says as he stares at Jonghyun with a smile.

 “He’s cute.”

 The smile disappears off of Minho’s face as he looks at Jihan. “He’s taken,” Minho says with more force than he’d intended.

 “Woah man, just saying he’s cute. Never said I wanted to date the guy.” Jihan pats him on the back. “You shouldn’t care anyway, aren’t you in a relationship with Taemin?”

 Minho groans and grits his teeth. “Let’s just start the game.”

    Minho’s team ends up beating the others 3-1 by the time it starts getting dark. He runs over to where Jonghyun’s sitting on the bleachers, clapping for him. “So Jonghyun hyung, what did you think?”

 Jonghyun smiles at him. “You were really good. You’re like a pro now,” Jonghyun says honestly. “But I must say it was hard to focus watching you run up and down the field in those shorts of yours. It was pretty sexy.”

 Minho blushes. “Oh really?”

 “Yeah.”

 Minho grins. “Let’s go back to your place.”  

    Minho takes a quick shower at Jonghyun’s apartment and borrows some of his clothes – they’re a little tight on him but he doesn’t mind that much.

 “Hey Min…which one do you like more?” Jonghyun holds up two shirts, a red plaid one, and a cream coloured one.

 Minho looks at both shirts and eyes Jonghyun. “The red one. Red is your colour hyung.”

 Jonghyun smiles softly. “Okay, red it is,” he says before taking the shirts back to his room.

 When he comes back and plops down next to Minho, Minho looks at him strangely. “Why are you asking for my opinion on clothes? You got a date?”

 Jonghyun giggles. “Maybe.”

 Minho frowns. “Don’t say things like that hyung, you’ll make me jealous.”

 The grin falls off of Jonghyun’s face. He scoots away from Minho. “It was a joke Minho, and you’re not exactly in the position to be possessive don’t you think?”

        Minho finds out on Saturday why Jonghyun had asked for his opinion on his clothes. It’s his 21st birthday and Kibum had somehow managed to plan an entire party without Minho knowing anything of it. It’s not a huge party but there are a nice number of Minho’s friends and family in attendance. The music is lively and whichever catering company Kibum hired did an amazing job. Jonghyun arrives about an hour into the party, dressed in the same plaid shirt he’d shown Minho the other night and a pair of ripped black jeans. Minho’s eyes don’t leave Jonghyun’s body the minute he spots him, even though Taemin’s body is pressed tightly against his as they dance in the middle of the living room of Kibum’s apartment.

 He watches as Jonghyun converses with Kibum and then Jinki before sitting idly in a corner and watching everything going on around him. Their eyes lock suddenly and Minho freezes. He starts gently prying Taemin’s body away from his.

 “I’m staying over at your place tonight…” Taemin whispers suggestively in Minho’s ear.

 “Y-Yeah sure,” Minho says absentmindedly before completely letting go of Taemin. “I’m gonna go say hi to Jonghyun hyung okay.” He leaves before Taemin can respond and goes over to where Jonghyun’s sitting.

 Jonghyun looks up at him with a small smile. “Happy Birthday Min.”

 Minho smiles. “Thanks hyung.” He leans down to whisper in Jonghyun’s ear, “Come with me next door, to my apartment,” he says before leaving.

    “This is the first time I’ve been in your place since I got back,” Jonghyun says as Minho closes the door behind them.

 “Yeah…Do you like it?”

 “It’s cozy,” Jonghyun says.

 Minho smiles softly and sits next to Jonghyun on the couch. He brushes a few stray strands of hair away from Jonghyun’s forehead before leaning in for a kiss.

 Jonghyun gently pushes Minho back by his chest. “Are you really going to try and kiss me, after you’ve been dancing with your boyfriend all night?” Jonghyun asks with a sense of bitterness lacing his words.

 Minho sighs. “Jjong…you know…i-it…it’s complicated.”

 Jonghyun shakes his head. “It’s not right Minho. Y-You can’t date me and him. You need to break up with him…”

 Minho looks at Jonghyun with sullen eyes.

 “O-Or stop seeing me.”

 Minho’s eyes widen. “No. I’m not going to stop seeing you Jonghyun. I just got you. I-I’ve been in love with you for years…”

 “Then you know what you need to do.”

 Minho looks away from Jonghyun and bites his lower lip. “I feel like shit because of this hyung,” he whispers, to himself almost.  

 Jonghyun’s eyes soften. “I’m sorry Minho. It’s your birthday, you should be celebrating instead of talking about this.” Jonghyun reaches out to gently comb his fingers through Minho’s hair. “I got you something.”

 Minho looks back at Jonghyun. “You did?”

 He gives him a small smile and a nod. Jonghyun passes Minho a small gift bag he’d brought with him.

 Minho takes it and can’t help the small smile that grows on his face, knowing that Jonghyun had bought him something. He opens the bag and pulls out a picture frame, encasing a drawing of his much younger self. “W-What’s this?”

 “It’s a drawing I did of you back when we were teens. I think it was then I started realizing I had feelings for you,” Jonghyun says quietly. “I kept it with me all this time but I think you should have it.”

 Minho rubs his thumb over the drawing, in awe at the amount of detail put into it. “I-It’s beautiful hyung. Thank you.”

 “I have another gift for you too…”

 Minho turns to face him and before he can ask what it is, Jonghyun’s pink plump lips are pressed softly against his. Minho closes his eyes and melts into the kiss. He rests the drawing down at his side and cups Jonghyun’s face.

 Jonghyun pulls back briefly to whisper “I love you,” against Minho’s lips before kissing him deeply.

 Minho kisses Jonghyun back just as deeply. He presses Jonghyun’s body close to his before sliding a wet tongue into Jonghyun’s warm mouth. Minho receives a low moan in response to his actions and it just spurs him on. He starts kissing Jonghyun more forcefully, trying to pour all his passion and desire for him into the kiss.

 A sudden knock on the door forces them to separate.

 Minho pulls back from Jonghyun’s lips and looks at his apartment door with a sigh. He reluctantly gets up to answer it.

 “So this is where you snuck off to,” Kibum says when Minho cracks the doorway. “Are you seriously trying to ditch your own party?”

 Minho chuckles. “I just needed a breather Bummie. I’ll be back over in a few minutes.”

 “No no no breathing time is over, I’ve been looking everywhere for you. It’s time to cut your cake.”

 Minho inwardly groans. “I’m coming over right now Kibum I promise. It can wait five more minutes.”

 “Minho. Get your ass back over to YOUR birthday party right now. And have you seen Jonghyun? Taemin said that you were gonna go and say ‘Hi’ to him before you disappeared to here.”

 “U-Uh,” Minho starts.

 Jonghyun stands and moves towards the door. “I-I’m here. I w-wanted Minho to show me his apartment,” he says, voice still sounding a bit shaky after the kiss. “I haven’t gotten any chances to visit yet.”

 Kibum’s eyes flicker from Minho to Jonghyun closely, before he smiles. “Well it’s nothing special, you can come back and check it out later” he says before pulling them both back along to his apartment. “Now come, cake time.”

    Minho doesn’t get the chance to take Jonghyun back to his apartment later, nor does he get the chance to sneak in a kiss or even a friendly dance. Once he’d gone back to the party and cut and shared out his birthday cake, Taemin latched onto him like a parasite. Minho couldn’t even go to the bathroom without the younger man waiting on him by the door. In the end when the party dwindled down, Minho settled for a quick hug with Jonghyun – but made sure to whisper in his ear that he’d see him in the upcoming week and they could continue their kiss. Jonghyun left with a slight blush on his face and after seeing that Minho made peace with the fact that he didn’t get to kiss him goodbye.

 “Minho, let’s go back to your place. Key hyung said not to worry about the mess,” Taemin says while clutching onto Minho’s arm.

 “You’re sleeping over tonight?”

 Taemin tilts his head and looks up at Minho. “I told you this…earlier.”

 “O-Oh,” Minho says. “Y-Yeah, you did. Sorry. Let’s go.”

    Minho feels awkward when he and Taemin get undressed together. Taemin takes his time, trying to be sexy. Birthday sex is obviously on his mind.

 Minho wants to tell him to stop, to put his clothes back on but he can’t bring himself to, not when Taemin looks so determined.

 It’s when Taemin gently pushes Minho onto the bed and starts straddling him that Minho realizes he can’t do this. He presses a hand to Taemin’s bare chest. “Stop…”

 Taemin looks at him confused. “What do you mean ‘stop’?”

 Minho looks away from him and sighs. “I mean stop. I don’t want to have sex. I don’t feel too up for it baby…”

 “You’ve never refused sex before?”

 Minho bites his lip. “I don’t feel well,” he lies.

 Taemin tilts his head. “I don’t understand.” He looks down at Minho’s crotch and then looks back up at him with watery eyes. “O-Oh…you’re not even hard…?”

 “It’s not you Tae,” Minho says. “It’s just I don’t feel well, I drank too much. You know alcohol makes me sleepy,” Minho lies again, knowing that he only had two cups tonight.

 “Yeah…okay, sorry,” Taemin says as he gets off of Minho’s lap. He gets under the covers and lays down with his back facing Minho.

 Minho sighs as he looks at Taemin’s back, feeling guilty.

 He turns away from him, mind overflowing with various thought before he falls asleep.

    The next morning is awkward as they eat breakfast together. Taemin does not make much eye contact with Minho.

 “…So…” Minho clears his throat. “D-Do you wanna do anything today…baby?” Minho asks.

 Taemin looks up at him and then shakes his head. “I can’t. I needa meet with Jongin to discuss some stuff about our choreography deal.”

 “Oh okay,” Minho says quietly. He sips at his orange juice.

 “I’m gonna get going,” Taemin says when he finishes eating. He puts his plate in the sink and grabs his things.

 “Okay,” Minho says. “I’ll see you later?” Minho looks up at Taemin, expecting the man to give him a kiss before he departs.

“Yeah, later,” Taemin says before leaving.

        “Oh fuck,” Jonghyun gasps as Minho strokes deep inside of him.

 Minho’s got him bent over his work desk as they’d been too impatient to move to Jonghyun’s bedroom when Minho came over.

 “A-Ah hyung…s-so tight,” Minho pants against Jonghyun’s neck. “I-I’m so close,” he groans.

 “M-Me too,” Jonghyun whimpers as he pumps his dick in tune with Minho’s thrusts.

 Minho cries out when he finally climaxes inside of Jonghyun, with the man following with his own cries not too long after.

    “Oh shit,” Jonghyun says as he gets a good look at Minho’s neck in the shower. “I marked you.”

 Minho touches the mark on his neck and then shrugs.

 Jonghyun bites his lip nervously. “I’m sorry, it’s really visible Min. I c-can cover it for you with makeup.”

 “Baby it’s fine, no need to cover it.”

 “But what about Ta-“

 “Shh, we’re not talking about him remember?” Minho gives Jonghyun a kiss on the cheek. “Now come on, let’s rinse off.”

    Minho’s never been particularly religious, finding thoughts of a higher deity rather silly. But that doesn’t stop him from celebrating Christmas with his family. The holiday itself has loss much of its true intent, rather becoming capitalism’s grand finale every year. Despite being very aware of this fact, Minho finds himself in front of his childhood home with gifts for his parents and brother tucked under his arm.

 He knocks on the front door while Taemin stands beside him.

 “Hello boys,” Minho’s mother answers the door with a smile. She pulls Minho in for a hug and smiles warmly at Taemin.

 “Taemin, it’s nice to see you again.” She’d met Taemin in Minho’s apartment early on in their relationship when she’d made an impromptu visit to surprise her son.

 “It’s nice to see you again too Mrs. Choi,” Taemin says politely.

 “Come on in boys, the Kims are already here.”

 Minho follows behind his mother visibly confused. “The Kims? They’re having Christmas dinner with us?”

 “Yes, it was a last-minute decision. Sodam just brought over their dishes.”

 Minho inwardly sighs. Jonghyun had mentioned spending Christmas with his mother and sister but Minho had no idea that their parents would decide to have dinner together. He was hoping to avoid being around both Jonghyun and Taemin again.

 “Taemin, you know Jonghyun don’t you? He’s Minho’s best friend,” Mrs. Choi says when they finally reach the dining room.  

 “We’ve met,” Taemin says. “Hey Jonghyun-hyung. Merry Christmas.”

 Jonghyun looks at Minho and Taemin standing near the doorway wearing their matching sweaters and then looks down at the table. “Merry Christmas,” he says quietly.

 Minho finds that he can look everywhere but Jonghyun’s eyes.

 “Are you boys ready to eat?” Mrs. Choi asks happily.

 They sit around the large dining table, Minho between his brother and Taemin. Jonghyun switched seats with his sister a few minutes after Minho and Taemin arrived. Minho would have to crane his neck if he wanted to catch a glimpse of him.

 Minho feels but isn’t sure if he looks visibly uncomfortable throughout the entire dinner. With his parents asking questions about his relationship with Taemin while simultaneously reminiscing over how he and Jonghyun were attached to the hip growing up, Minho doesn’t know which one is worse.  

 “So, how long have you two been dating?” Mrs. Kim asks Minho and Taemin halfway throughout the dinner.

 “O-Oh um around six months,” Minho says.

 Taemin gently kicks him under the table. “It’s been eight hyung.”

 Minho smiles sheepishly, slightly embarrassed. “Time flies. I forget sometimes.” The table takes pity on him as the elders laugh at his statement.

 “It’s too early to be forgetting dates little brother,” Minseok says. “Save that for when you’re married,” he says with a nudge to Minho’s elbow.

 Minho rolls his eyes, knowing his brother wanted to get a rise out of him.

 “What about you Jonghyun?” Minseok directs his question down the table.

 “What about me?” Jonghyun asks.

 “You’re the only single young adult at this table.” Sodam had brought her boyfriend along and Minseok’s girlfriend was also gracing the Chois with her presence. “Any girlfriend back in Japan?”

 Minho visibly stiffens.

 Jonghyun snorts. “No. I haven’t had any luck dating since I’ve been back yet either.”

 “Oh?” Minseok looks at Minho then back down at Jonghyun. “You’ve been looking?”

 “Yeah,” Jonghyun says.

 Minho’s face starts to feel hot. He knows he has no right to feel like this but Jonghyun’s words hurt.

 Minseok rests a hand on Minho’s knee and smiles knowingly. “The least you could do is play wingman for Jjongie.”

 Minho pushes his brother’s hand off and grits his teeth at him. “Stop it,” he whispers.

 “Who wants dessert?” Minho’s mom asks.

    Minho’s brother corners him outside the upstairs bathroom after everyone’s finished eating dinner.

 “So. I’ll give you a chance to come clean,” Minseok says.

 “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Minho says and pushes past him.

 Minseok grabs onto his arm. “I know something is going on between you and Jonghyun,” Minseok says loudly.

 “Shh!” Minho demands and pushes his brother into his old bedroom. “What the hell are you talking about hyung,” Minho says and closes the door behind them, a nervous feeling rising from the pit of his gut. “There’s nothing going on.”

 “Oh, come off it Minho,” Minseok says. “I’ve known since you were kids that you had a crush on him. Now you show up here with your boyfriend and you can’t even look Jonghyun in the eye.”

 Minho shakes his head. “That’s not true. You know nothing.”

Minseok folds his arms. “You’re sleeping with him, aren’t you?”

 Minho’s eyes widen. “W-What…N-No!”

 “Fuck, Minho!” Minseok says. “Does Taemin know? Wait of course he doesn’t know, he’s fucking oblivious to it all isn’t he?”

 Minho sighs heavily. “Y-You can’t say anything hyung. I’m going to tell him eventually.”

 “E-Eventually?” Minseok asks, eyes wide in disbelief. “Minho what the fuck? That’s not right. None of this is right. Y-You’re cheating.”

 “Lower your voice!” Minho shouts back at him. “I n-never meant for this to happen hyung,” he says in hushed tones. “J-Jonghyun came back home and all the feelings I thought were buried just rushed to the surface again. I don’t want to hurt him or Taemin. I promise I’m not a bad person,” Minho says as tears well in his eyes.

 His older brother sighs heavily and rests an arm on Minho’s shoulder. “D-Don’t cry. But just…you know this is wrong. And you know what you need to do to fix it.”

 Minseok pats Minho’s shoulder before exiting the bedroom.

    When Minho and Taemin are on their way back to Minho’s apartment, Taemin asks him a question.

“Is something going on between you and Jonghyun-hyung?”

 Minho’s hands grow rigid on the steering wheel. “W-What do you mean?” He asks nervously.

 “I heard your hyung ask you that.”

 “Oh? O-Oh…Um there’s nothing going on,” Minho rambles. “Hyung was just wondering why we weren’t talking much at dinner,” Minho lies.

 The car grows quiet. Minho slowly relaxes his grip on the steering wheel.

 “D-Did you hear anything else?” He asks softly.

 “Oh no. That’s all I heard,” Taemin quickly replies.

 “Okay.”

 “Jonghyun-hyung is straight right?” the younger man asks. “You said he was dating a girl when you guys were younger?”

 “…H-He’s,” Minho doesn’t really know. “I don’t t-think he has a preference. He’s mostly dated girls but he’s dated guys too…”

 Taemin hums and turns to look out of the window.

 “Why are you asking?”

 “Oh no reason. I was thinking of setting him up with one of my friends. Her name is Soojung and she’s really pretty.”

 “Oh,” Minho says. He’s seen pictures of Soojung before. She is indeed pretty. “Y-You think they’d b-be a good match?” Minho prays to that deity he barely believes in that Taemin doesn’t notice the quiver in his voice.

 Taemin shrugs. “I think they’d be a great match. They’d look really good together. But you do know him better, so I figured you’d have an idea.”

 Minho shakes his head, not liking the thought of that at all. “I don’t think she’s what hyung is looking for right now,” he says a bit firmer than necessary.

 Taemin stares at him for a few seconds and then looks back out the window. “Well, it was only a suggestion.”

    “What are you doing here?” Jonghyun asks as Minho stands on his doorstep two days later.

 Minho frowns at him. “Is something wrong? I tried to call you and you didn’t answer.”

 Jonghyun steps aside and lets him into the apartment. “Oh no, nothing’s wrong. Not thinking about the play by play I got of you and Taemin’s relationship the other day.” He shuts the door behind Minho louder than necessary.

 Minho sighs. “H-Hyung…you know…it’s-“

 “Complicated?” Jonghyun asks. “How long is it going to be complicated Minho?”

 “Hyung…”

 Jonghyun rubs his hand over his face in exasperation. “Why are you here Minho?”

 Minho bites his lip. “I…I got you a present.”

 “O-Oh,” Jonghyun says quietly. “I d-didn’t get you anything…”

 Minho hands him the small box with a smile. “That’s okay. We’ve never really celebrated Christmas. Besides your birthday present was enough.”

 “What is it?” The blonde asks curiously.

 “Open it and see.”

 Jonghyun unties the pink bow on the box and discards the wrapping. He opens it to find a small silver ring – not small enough to fit on his ring finger, but rather appearing to be the width of his thumb.

 “Is this a thumb ring?” Jonghun inquires.

 Minho raises his hand to show a matching one. “Yeah.”

 Jonghyun’s mouth falls open in surprise. “M-Minho, I…I can’t wear this. Not if you’re wearing one too. It’s too obvious.”

 Minho shakes his head. “No, these are really popular right now. People won’t notice it hyung. Besides, don’t you like it?”

 “O-Of course I do.” Jonghyun slides the ring onto his thumb. “P-Perfect fit…”

 “I thought it would be,” Minho says.

 Jonghyun looks up at him with a wobbly smile. “T-Thank you Minho.” He gets on his tippy toes and presses a kiss to Minho’s lips.

 Minho kisses him back deeply. “I love you,” he whispers against Jonghyun’s lips.

 “I love you too,” Jonghyun replies after a slight pause.

 Minho pulls Jonghyun into a tight hug. “I-I’m sorry hyung. Sorry that I haven’t addressed everything yet. I p-promise I will, soon.”

 Minho feels Jonghyun sigh against his neck. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep Minho.”

 Minho pulls back, looking slightly offended. “I will keep this promise hyung. I l-lo-“

 Jonghyun shuts him up with a harsh kiss, teeth digging into Minho’s lip. Minho yelps in surprise but quickly recovers, kissing Jonghyun back just as passionately. He wraps his arms around Jonghyun’s tiny waist and lifts him up against the wall.  Minho begins kissing Jonghyun’s neck, working on the spots he knows the other likes. The shorter man cries out as Minho leaves light marks along his collarbone. Minho carries Jonghyun to his bedroom and deposits him onto the bed, pulling off the elder’s shirt as soon as his back touches the mattress.

 He pulls his own shirt over his head when a firm hand touches his chest.

 “Can we just cuddle tonight,” Jonghyun says quietly, unable to make eye contact.

 Minho pulls his shirt back on. “O-Of course baby. Of course. Do you want to be held?”

Jonghyun nods, pulling his own shirt back on and shifting onto his side.

 Minho spoons him from behind, watching as the man twists the ring around his thumb but says nothing.

       New Years Eve finds them at Jinki’s restaurant, sitting around a table filled with various dishes and lots of beer.

 Kibum’s a bit tipsy, his tolerance for beer being very low. Minho rolls his eyes as Kibum entertains the group with his forced acts of cuteness – committed all out of spite because he knows Minho hates it. Taemin records key with an amused smile on his face. He had plopped down, right next to Jonghyun when they’d arrived, forcing Minho to sit to the left of him.

 “This will be perfect blackmail material,” Taemin says with a wicked grin as he finishes recording.

 Those words seem to sober Kibum up. “You wouldn’t dare! I have a public image.”

 Taemin laughs at him. “Just be a good hyung and you’ll have nothing to worry about.”

   “Any goals for the new year?” Jinki asks at quarter to twelve.

 Kibum mumbles something about settling down, Taemin says he wants to work with foreign choreographers and Jonghyun plans to register more than ten songs.

 Minho remains silent as the conversation quickly shifts to something else. He has no idea what the new year has in store for him especially with such a dark secret looming above his head.

 “So Jonghyun-hyung,” Taemin says. “Are you still looking to date someone?”

 Minho snaps out of his self-reflection.

 “Oh um…kinda?” Jonghyun replies.

 “Kinda?” Kibum chimes in. “Have you gotten laid since you moved back home?”

 Jonghyun visibly squirms.

 “Bum!” Minho shouts. “Don’t you think that’s a little personal.”

 “What? We’re all friends here. We’re always talking about each other’s sex lives.”

 Minho frowns. Kibum’s the one that does most of the talking in those conversations.

 “Anyway,” Taemin practically shoves his phone in Jonghyun’s face. “This is my friend Soojung, she’s super nice and is into music too. I thought you two would be a good match.”

 “O-Oh really?” Jonghyun nervously glances at Minho.

 “Yeah. I could give her your number if you’d like. I think you’ll hit it off really well. She gives off a cold vibe at first but she’s really down to earth.”

 Jonghyun stammers, “O-Oh um…”

 Minho grits his teeth. “Tae…don’t you think you’re putting a bit of pressure on Jjong right now? He’s never even met her.”

 Taemin looks back at Minho. “Jonghyun can answer for himself. Besides most people text before meeting each other these days anyway.” Taemin turns back to Jonghyun. “What do you say?”

 Minho’s eyes burn at the back of Taemin’s head.

 “Um sure,” Jonghyun relents. “You can give her my number.”

 “Great. I think you’ll really hit it off, oh um,” Taemin looks down at Jonghyun’s hand. “Nice thumb ring.”

 Jonghyun touches it instinctively. “Oh yeah thanks.”

 “It looks just like the one Minho started wearing recently.”

 Kibum perks up. “Lemme see.” He grabs Jonghyun’s hand and examines the ring. He looks back to Minho’s to compare but Minho’s fingers are bare.

 “I’m not wearing my ring,” Minho says.

 “But I have a picture,” Taemin adds in. He hands his phone to Kibum.

 Kibum glances at the ring on Minho’s thumb in the photo and the one on Jonghyun’s actual thumb. “They look pretty identical to me.”

 “O-Oh,” Jonghyun chuckles nervously. “What a coincidence.”

 Taemin narrows his eyes. “Yeah…a coincidence. Where’d you get yours Jonghyun-hyung?”

 “Huh?” Jonghyun looks up at Minho as if he’s asking for help.

 “Where’d you buy the ring?” Taemin rewords his question.

 “Oh, I have no idea. My sister bought it for me. It was a gift,” he lies with a chuckle.

 “Hmm,” Taemin hums and looks back at his photo of Minho.

       Minho doesn’t share a new year’s kiss with Taemin or Jonghyun that night.

       Minho knows what he’s doing is selfish. Cheating is something he always frowned upon, hating when it was a plot point in a movie and shunning the topic whenever his friends brought it up. But now that he’s in this current predicament, he finds himself actually understanding why people do it.

 It’s not right.

 But is it wrong?

 He loves Jonghyun with his entire being. But at some point, in his and Taemin’s now eight-month long relationship, he was sure that he was love with him too. He doesn’t want to hurt the younger man’s feelings.

 He finds himself unable to do anything while Taemin and Jonghyun both begin pulling away from him. It’s as if there’s rope attached to both of his hands. But instead of being pulled in either direction he remains set in place while Jonghyun and Taemin pull farther and farther away.

       It all comes to a head in the new year.

 Kibum confronts him in his apartment early February – much like he’d done when Minho had forgotten his and Taemin’s six-month anniversary.  

 “I know what you’re doing Minho,” Kibum says, sounding very much like he knows something that Minho doesn’t.

 Minho looks visibly perturbed. “What are you talking about Kibum?”

 “I know you’ve been cheating on Taemin.”

 “W-What?” Minho says all too quickly. “That’s not true.”

“Oh? So you haven’t been sneaking around with Jonghyun behind Taemin’s back?”

 Minho opens his mouth and then closes it sharply. “…J-Jonghyun is my best friend Kibum. I can’t spend time with him now?”

 “Oh please,” Kibum says. “Taemin told me you haven’t touched him in weeks. He’s seen the marks you know.”

 “I don’t have any marks.”

 “Yeah cause now Jonghyun’s caught a clue and has stopped fooling around with you too.”

 Minho’s anger flares at the harsh truth behind that statement. “You need to leave,” Minho says, his tone matching the chill of the air outside.

 Kibum heads towards the door. “Just for the record, we’re not friends anymore. I’m not going to be friends with a cheater! You broke Taemin’s heart Minho and I’ll never forgive you for that!” He slams the door as he exits.

 Minho stares at the door for what feels like hours after Kibum leaves.

    Hours later he finds himself at Orgel, in desperate need to see Jonghyun. The older man had ignored his texts and calls and when Minho had pulled up to his apartment complex, Jonghyun’s car was nowhere to be seen. The club was the only place Minho figured he would be.

 But Jonghyun isn’t alone.

 Minho watches as the man walks off the stage after his set and heads to a small table in front where a pretty blond claps enthusiastically for him.

 Minho feels his heart crumble in his chest, the sight far too similar of an experience he’d repressed from his teenage years.

 Before he can stop himself, he’s already crossed over to the table with fire in his eyes.

 To say Jonghyun is startled to see him would be an understatement. The older man’s eyes practically bulge out of his sockets. “M-Minho, w-what are you doing here?”

 “W-Who is she?” Minho asks bluntly.

 Jonghyun looks at the girl apologetically, before grabbing Minho’s arm roughly and tugging him outside.

 “What are you doing here Minho?” He asks in hushed tones.

 A group of bystanders look at them suspiciously. Minho doesn’t care.

 “Who’s the girl hyung?! Why’s she looking at you like that?”

 Jonghyun looks away from him with guilt etched on his face.

 “H-Hyung. Who is she?”

 “She’s my date!” Jonghyun says. “And now she probably won’t go out with me again because you were so rude in there.”

 Minho’s so focused on the word date that it takes him a few extra seconds to process the remainder of what Jonghyun had said.

 “Hyung…w-what do you mean she’s your date?! G-Go out with you again? W-What about us?”

 Jonghyun sighs heavily. “M-Minho. There’s no us! There can’t be a us! I can’t just be your side piece, your mistress. And Taemin deserves better. You know that.”

 Minho feels his heart deflate in his chest. “S-So w-what? You’re giving up on me? Are you going to act like it’s all my fault! Like I was cheating on Taemin by myself?!” He says angrily.

 Jonghyun looks visibly hurt by his words. “I will not be complicit in that anymore. I-I’m done Minho. I don’t feel good about myself knowing I’m ruining someone else’s relationship.”

 “I-It’s not a relationship anymore. T-Taemin…h-he knows.”

 Jonghyun raises an eyebrow. “He knows?”

 “Y-Yeah. He knows…It’s not a thing anymore.”

 “So, you came clean to him? You told him everything?”

 Minho doesn’t answer.

 Jonghyun scoffs. “…I…I can’t do this anymore Minho. Even if you had ended things with Taemin, I would’ve still felt like shit about it. I c-can’t have that on my conscience more than it already is. I-I’m going back to Taeyeon. At the very least, I deserve someone that’ll be with just me.” He wipes away the tears gathered in the corners of his eyes before heading back into the club.

    Minho feels numb as his car drives him home. Cause surely, he isn’t driving, not when he feels like his heart’s been stepped on and his mind is playing a loop of Jonghyun’s retreating form. He makes the short trek from the parking lot to his apartment building and gets in the elevator. It takes severe willpower to not knock on Kibum’s door and go to him for comfort like he’s done so many times in the past. Instead he opens the door to his apartment and sees Taemin sitting on his couch.

 “Hey,” Taemin says.

 Minho wipes his hand over his face, trying to remove evidence of tear tracks and heartache.

 “W-What are you doing here Tae. How’d you get in?”

 Taemin shakes his head with a mirthless laugh. “You gave me a key, awhile ago.”

 Minho crosses over to the kitchen to pour himself a much-needed drink. “Oh…yeah right.” He takes a swig of the amber liquid, feeling uncomfortable as the silence grows thick between them.  

 “So-“ Taemin starts.

 “I-I’ve been cheating on you with Jonghyun,” Minho blurts in one breath.

 Taemin closes his mouth.

 He doesn’t know what he expects from Taemin. Shock? Sadness? Anger? Rather, Taemin looks as if he knows.

 “I know,” Taemin says after a few minutes. “I’ve known since Christmas.”

 Minho rests down his glass. “…Oh.”

 “I eavesdropped on you and your hyung’s conversation. So, yeah I knew.”

 “Why didn’t you say anything?”

 “I wanted to pretend like it wasn’t true. But then it became too apparent to ignore. The way you’d disappear for hours on end, refuse to have sex with me, the marks I didn’t give you, the matching thumb rings,” Taemin scoffs. “Your face would light up every time you saw Jonghyun. It was obvious from the beginning that something was going on between you two and I didn’t want to believe it.”

 Minho fidgets uncomfortably. “…Why tell me this now?”

 “Because Jonghyun told me everything. Said he felt like such a huge asshole for getting between you and me.”

 Minho swallows. No wonder Jonghyun knew he was lying when he said his relationship with Taemin was no more. “Are you upset with him? Please don’t be it’s not his fault.”

 Taemin laughs. “Fuck, I just admitted that I know you’ve been cheating on me and still your only concern is Jonghyun. Wow Minho. I didn’t have a chance, did I?”

 Minho frowns.

 “The moment Jonghyun moved back here. I-It was all over for us wasn’t it?”

 Minho can’t bring himself to answer that question. “I…I didn’t want to hurt you Taemin. I-“

 “Bullshit. Don’t you think getting cheated on would hurt me more than you just being fucking upfront with me from the beginning?” Taemin asks. “You’re a selfish asshole. You only cared about what you wanted. You didn’t give a shit about my feelings and you got Jonghyun in the middle of it too. And you did hurt me, no matter how much you claim you didn’t want to, you hurt me. You hurt me so fucking much.”

 “T-Tae I-I…”

 “And I don’t think anything you say can erase that hurt.”

 Minho swallows heavily, feeling like anything he says won’t have an effect. “I-I’m sorry,” he offers weakly.

 Taemin shakes his head before exiting the apartment with a duffel bag filled with presumably his things.

 Minho downs the rest of his alcohol and sinks to the floor.

       Minho finds himself sinking into something akin to depression. He still manages to go to his classes, to put on his usually happy act while around his teammates – but when he’s home alone in his apartment he feels himself growing empty, looking at old pictures of him and Jonghyun and deleting the ones of Taemin out of pure guilt. His attempts to contact Jonghyun are futile. The man doesn’t reply to his texts or answers his calls – arriving to the point where Minho’s convinced his number is blocked. Minho doesn’t know what he could possibly say if he ever approached him in person. Kibum avoids him as well, effectively ignoring him whenever they wind up in the elevator together and by foregoing their previous spots.

 He shows up to Jinki’s shop one day, attempting to find solace in one member of their squad not directly involved in the drama – but the man looks visibly pained talking to him.

 “Kibum told me what happened. He told me not to be friends with you anymore.”

 “So, you’re going to cut me off too?” Minho asks, sounding incredibly hurt.

 Jinki gives him a look of pity. “I’m sorry Minho. Kibum and Taemin are two of my closest friends and what you did really hurt them both. I c-can’t hang out with you.”

 Minho gets his food to go.

        “What did I tell you,” Minseok says over a glass of beer.

 Minho groans, not interested in being lectured by his older brother.

 “I said, you needed to come clean before shit hit the fan. But you didn’t listen and now look. Shit hit the fan.”

 Minho sighs heavily.

 “How long has it been?” his brother asks.

 “T-Three months,” Minho says under his breath.

 “And you’re still this fucked up over it? Shit.”

 Minho takes a sip of his drink. “It’s not that fucking easy to forget about hyung. J-Jonghyun, he…h-he was my everything,” Minho’s eyes grow misty.

 Minseok sighs. “Maybe you should try talking to someone else. Go out there, get laid. Forget about it for a while.”

 Minho shakes his head. “I don’t want to. I only want Jonghyun.” Minho stares down at his lock screen, a picture of him and Jonghyun sitting on the elder’s couch with their faces smushed together.

 Minseok peers over Minho’s shoulder and groans. “Well you’re not going to get over him if you stare at his picture every day. Change your fucking lock screen and delete those pictures. Besides, you know it’s really fucked up how you don’t mention Taemin when he was the one you were actually dating.”

 Minho pushes his phone back into his pocket, feeling the alcohol begin to catch up with him. “T-Tae hates me. S-Said I’m an asshole, w-which I am,” Minho slurs. “B-But Jjong and I…W-We were so r-real.”

 “Woah there,” Minseok says. He takes Minho’s glass away from him. “Enough drinking for you.”

    His brother drops him home, making sure he makes it safely into his apartment before leaving with the promise to check on him tomorrow.

 Minho stares up at the ceiling of his apartment for the longest. The spin of the ceiling fan keeps his drunk mind entertained for the longest. After a while, he grabs his phone and opens up Taemin’s contact information. He starts typing a text but finds himself squinting at the keys, unable to type properly. He settles for a voice note instead.

 “H-Hey Taemin. I-It’s me, Minho. I’m kinda d-drunk right now and yeah, I wanted to r-reach out to you for the l-longest but I didn’t k-know what to say. B-But maybe my t-thoughts will come to me e-easier right now. A-Are you doing well? I saw that y-you and Jongin went to L.A on your socials. I hope things are going great, I always believed in your potential.” Minho sighs. “I-I’m stalling cause I want to avoid talking about s-serious things. But I do really wish you all the best with your career. You’ve worked so hard. I’ve always liked that about you. N-No matter what you may think, I always genuinely cared about you Taemin. You were my first real relationship, y-you were literally my first and I’m glad that I was able to experience t-that with you. I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to love you as fully as you deserved. J-Jonghyun held a piece of my heart from we were kids and I didn’t realize that until it was too late to act on it. I-It was never my plan to start seeing him when he came back home. I-It just sort of happened. I k-know that’s not an excuse. But it was never my intention to hurt you as much as I did. But I understand that I did hurt you, I hurt you a lot. A-And I’m sorry Tae. So s-sorry. It tears me up inside knowing that I hurt you that much. I hope one day you c-can find it in your heart to forgive me. It doesn’t have to be now or even a year from now…b-but just someday.”

 Minho sends the voice note and then hovers over Jonghyun’s number. He presses call but immediately ends it when the phone starts ringing. He sighs and chucks his phone elsewhere on the couch, not knowing what he could possibly say to Jonghyun at this point.

        A few months later, Minho finds himself finally taking his brother’s advice. His phone background has been changed to a photo of a palm tree and he’s sitting across from Jihan on their third date.

 “You know, I never thought you were interested.”

 He isn’t – well not entirely. Jihan’s a handsome guy and they get along well, but Minho would be lying if he said he was truly vested.

 He chuckles slightly. “Well. You’re handsome. You know that.”

 “It’s different knowing that you find me handsome though,” Jihan says with a smirk.

 Minho waves him off with a smile and finishes up his meal.

 After their date Jihan asks if Minho would like to come over to his place and he reluctantly agrees.

 Jihan’s apartment is a one-bedroom, very small and tidy – but Minho can’t help feeling uncomfortable as they sit on the loveseat with drinks in hand. After small talk about soccer and the conclusion of the semester, Jihan leans forward for a kiss. It’s not their first time kissing each other – Minho had given him a short peck on their second date – but it does feel strange. At this point, Minho is practically starved for human contact, but kissing Jihan doesn’t make him feel anything. When the other man presses a hand on Minho’s chest and attempts to deepen the kiss, Minho pulls away.

 “F-Fuck, I’m sorry,” he says, knocking over one of their bottles in his haste to get as far away from the man as possible. “I c-can’t do this. I thought I could, I thought I was ready, but, I…fuck!” Minho grabs his wallet and keys and scrambles up. “I have to go,” he says before fleeing from the other’s apartment.

 He gets in his car and drives straight to Jonghyun’s apartment, jolted by the realization that his love for the other has not ceased at all in the six months they’ve been apart.

 Minho knocks on the door loudly, asking out loud for Jonghyun to answer it.

 When he finally does answer the door, Minho meets pink hair where there had previously been silver.

 “M-Minho?” Jonghyun says in surprise.

 “P-Please don’t shut the door on me and hear m-me out please,” he begs. “I just went on a date,” Minho says. He inhales deeply. “I went on a d-date and I t-thought it’d been long enough. I thought I was ready. I mean we only spent two months together. Two g-glorious and unforgettable months and here I am six months later freaking out because someone t-tried to kiss me.”

 Jonghyun looks at him with eyes of concern mixed with pity.

 “B-But I can’t move on because I still love you. I love you so fucking much hyung. I-I’m sorry I didn’t do right by you. I wanted you s-so bad but I wasn’t even the boyfriend you deserved. I had you as my s-secret on the side and I’ll always regret that. I love you and I want to treat you like the boyfriend you deserve to be treated. I w-wanna scream your name from rooftops and let everyone know how much I adore you. B-But I ruined that chance and I-I’m sorry. You’ve probably moved on. I j-just, I h-hope you can forgive m-me. I hope you haven’t spent the last six months h-hating my guts.”

 Jonghyun stares up at Minho for the longest. “M-Minho-“

 “I-I’ll just go hyung,” Minho says softly. “Thanks for hearing me out.”

 He scrambles away from Jonghyun’s apartment as quickly as he had arrived. He drives home, texts Jihan a lengthy apology and passes out on his couch.

        When Minho finally wakes up the next morning, he sees a text from Jonghyun.

 Text from Jonghyunnie♥♥♥, 9 hours ago:

Meet me at the café today, at 3.

        Minho isn’t sure what to expect as he taps his foot anxiously under the table. He’s sitting in the same seat he’d sat in last year when he and Jonghyun had made promises to catch up and give being best friends another go. It feels odd, knowing that it’s almost a year since that happened. They’ve spent more time apart than they have together since Jonghyun’s return.

 Jonghyun saunters in at just seven minutes past three and sits down across from Minho.

 “H-Hi,” Minho says quietly.

 “Hi,” Jonghyun says.

 “Why did you ask me he-“

 Jonghyun cuts Minho off by motioning a waiter over to their table. He orders a lemonade and a sandwich for himself. Minho orders a water, too nervous to consume anything else. The waiter writes down their orders, promising to be back shortly before leaving to tend to another table.

 “So,” Jonghyun begins. “Taemin told me he got a voice message from you.”

 Minho furrows his brows, utterly confused at the notion of Taemin keeping in contact with Jonghyun. “O-Oh. Um, yeah. That happened a few months back. I didn’t think he listened to it. He never responded.”

 “He messaged me instead,” Jonghyun says. “He doesn’t hold any resentment towards you anymore and he gave me his blessing to date you.”

 “Oh? Oh. Um…”

 “I had to think about it for a while,” Jonghyun continues. “Actually, it made me feel even worse. That he could be so forgiving. Neither of us deserve that. I-“ Jonghyun pauses while their waiter rests down their drinks. He gives her a small smile after she promises to be back with his food soon.

 “I dated too,” Jonghyun resumes. “Taeyeon and I went out a few times. We even fooled around once.”

 Minho swallows in attempts to stifle the burning jealousy coursing through him.

 “She was really pretty and such a sweet person. But my heart wasn’t in it either. I couldn’t give myself to her fully. I’ve spent the last few months writing sad songs about relationships that can’t seem to work out for whatever reason.” He sips at his lemonade. “I guess what I’m trying to say is I still feel like shit about what we did…but I still love you and despite all the time that’s passed it hasn’t gotten any easier not having you in my life.”

 Minho takes a deep breath, feeling like it’s the first one he’s taken since he sat down in this café.  

 “I love you too. I l-love you so much hyung.” He reaches for Jonghyun’s hand across the table.

 Jonghyun holds onto Minho’s hand tightly. “B-But I don’t think we can just go back to the way things were before.”

 Minho frowns at him, slowly pulling his hand away. “Oh?”

 Jonghyun snatches his hand back and laces their fingers together. “You could at least court me first.”

        Courting Jonghyun proves to be an easy task. With his years of knowledge of the shorter man’s preferences, it’s not difficult to plan dates that the other will like or perform gestures that are guaranteed to make the other swoon.

 With the older man’s advice, Minho manages to pick out an excellent gift for Kibum’s birthday. A pricey bracelet accompanied with a letter apologizing for all his wrongdoings.

    It takes a while, but Kibum eventually returns to his post as Minho’s best friend.

    “I mean I guess I should have known,” Kibum says over a glass of wine.

 He’s currently sporting a buzzcut with patches dyed a bunch of different colours. Minho thinks it looks ridiculous but Kibum swears it’s the height of style.

 “You were way too sad when Jonghyun-hyung wanted nothing to do with you and then way too excited when he came around. I had my suspicions all along.”

 Minho snorts. “Yeah well-“

 “And then the disappearing acts. So obvious. But you had to top it all off with the matching rings.”

 Minho sighs heavily, not wanting this reminder of his wrongful actions – but unable to blame Kibum nonetheless.

 “It’s a good thing Taemin has moved on, or we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now,” Kibum says as he takes another sip of his wine.

 Minho hasn’t spoken to Taemin, it seems as though there was a silent agreement that they would keep their distance. However according to his Instagram and updates from Kibum, he’s currently dating a girl named Seulgi.

 “I-I’m so sorry again Bum-“

 “Yeah yeah, I know,” Kibum cuts him off. “So back to Jonghyun. Things back to what they were?”

  Minho shakes his head. “We’re taking it a little slow. He doesn’t want to be called my boyfriend just yet. We haven’t been sleeping together either.”

 “Oh? And you’re fine with that.”

 Minho nods. “I’m just happy I get to be in his presence.”

        Jonghyun does eventually come around.

 Minho takes him on a trip to the Hallasan Mountain and Jonghyun agrees to be his boyfriend – properly this time – right before he dumps snow down Minho’s jacket.  

        The revelation of their relationship does not come as a surprise to either of their families. Mrs. Kim and Mrs. Choi look at each other knowingly when the two boys admit to their relationship, commenting that they’d had their suspicions all along but thought that they’d let them figure it out on their own without any pressure. Minho’s father doesn’t comment, but he does smile at the couple fondly a few times over the course of the shared dinner.

    “Even though he doesn’t deserve it after the shit he pulled,” Minseok teases. “I’m glad you decided to give Minho another chance Jonghyun. He really cares about you.”

 Jonghyun nods with a shy smile.

 “But, if he ever pulls any shady business again, I’d be happy to kick his ass for you.”

 Jonghyun laughs heartily at that. “I will definitely keep that in mind hyung.”

        It’s amazing when you find true love and all your needs satisfied by merely being in their presence. Minho never thought it was possible, but he and Jonghyun have made it official for a month now and he hasn’t felt the urge to ask the man for sex. He misses it, he wants it, but he’s also perfectly content simply curled up on his couch together with the shorter man.

 “Hey Minho,” Jonghyun looks up at Minho after noticing him drifting off into his own thoughts.

 Minho looks down at him, smiling as he sees the ring fit snugly around Jonghyun’s thumb. “Yeah baby?”

 Jonghyun presses a warm kiss to his mouth, before shifting on Minho’s lap so that he’s straddling Minho’s waist. He kisses Minho deeply, hands rubbing all over Minho’s warm skin.

 “I-Is this okay?” Jonghyun asks breathlessly. “D-Do you want to?”

 Minho nods, unable to find the words.

    They move into Minho’s bed. The lights are off, making it difficult to see each other. But Minho finds that he doesn’t need to see the other man to know what expression he’s making. He doesn’t need to see him to please him.

 They take things slow, thoroughly exploring each other’s bodies. Minho works his mouth over the entire expanse of Jonghyun’s skin, like it’s the first time he’s ever gotten a taste.

 “Shit, you’re killing m-me,” Jonghyun whimpers as Minho’s tongue works over his most intimate spot. Minho doesn’t have much experience doing this but from the sounds Jonghyun’s making, he’s certain it’ll make its way into their routine.

    Minho whimpers as he interlocks their fingers above Jonghyun’s head, rocking into him at a slow pace. It feels so good, being able to express his love in such a raw and passionate way. He peppers kisses all over Jonghyun’s face while he moves inside of him. “I l-love you,” he repeats over and over like a mantra.

 Jonghyun cums first with his legs tightening around Minho’s waist while his voice reaches pitches Minho’s only ever heard in song. Minho follows soon after, unable to contain himself after feeling the way Jonghyun tightened around him.

 Minho can’t see it, but he feels the love and adoration pouring into him from Jonghyun.

 “G-God I love you. I wanna spend the rest of my days with you. I wanna write sappy love songs that I’m too embarrassed to play for you and be in the bleachers for every one of your soccer games. And I fucking hate sports. I-“

 Minho lets out a breathless laugh before shutting Jonghyun up with a kiss. “I k-know hyung. I k-know. I-I’m sorry it took so long for us to be t-together like this.  Y-You know I feel the same. I’ve felt this f-for such a long time. I w-would have waited years for you if I had to.”

 Jonghyun kisses Minho deeply and Minho knows that now that he has him fully, he will never let him go.

        “So,” Minho starts.

 “So,” Jonghyun echoes.

 “T-This is awkward,” Minho says apologetically.

 “Only if you make it awkward hyung,” Taemin quips.

 They’re gathered in a small restaurant – Minho and Jonghyun sitting across from Taemin and his girlfriend Seulgi. Seulgi is even more beautiful in person and has an addicting laugh. Minho can see why Taemin is attracted to her. She and Jonghyun seem to get along well, sharing conversations about books and music throughout the dinner. Minho finds it hard to talk to her, considering he doesn’t know just how much of his and Taemin’s past the girl actually knows.

 Minho clears his throat. “I’m sorry. It’s hard for it not to be awkward?” His words come out sounding like a question rather than a statement.

 “There’s no hard feelings hyung. You and Jonghyun-hyung are back together and I’ve moved on. I just wanted to meet up with you guys so it wouldn’t be uncomfortable in the future.”

 “I’m really sorry again,” Jonghyun says. “Truly.”

 “I know,” Taemin replies. “I was never upset with you Jonghyun-hyung. You, on the other hand,” he looks at Minho.

 Minho looks away, embarrassed.

 “Well…we can let a dead thing stay dead.”

 Jonghyun rests a comforting hand on Minho’s knee. “So…Are you moving back to Seoul?” Jonghyun asks in attempts to change the conversation.

 “Oh no, we’re only visiting,” Taemin says. “There’s still a lot more of the world I wanna see.”

 Minho nods, knowing that Taemin had ambitions that could not be confined to South Korea.

 “I know you’ll do well,” Minho says quietly.

 Taemin gives him a small smile.

    After dinner they decide to go to a karaoke bar. Jongin shows up halfway through the night along with his girlfriend. Jinki joins them later followed by Kibum and his new boyfriend Donghyun.

 “Are you okay?” Jonghyun asks Minho when he sits down after belting out a TVXQ song. “You don’t look like you’re having a good time.”

 Minho’s the only one who hasn’t sang tonight.

 “I-It just feels…weird,” Minho confesses. “Being around everyone like this. It almost feels normal. But I still feel like an asshole for what I did. And everyone knows.”

 Jonghyun rubs his hand gently. “Why don’t you talk to him…alone.”

 Minho chews on his lip nervously. “You’d be okay with that? After everything?”

 “Of course. I trust you Minho. I know you’re not that person.”

    Spurred on by Jonghyun’s declaration of trust, Minho approaches Taemin and asks if he can talk to him alone.

    “You look happy,” Minho tells him as they stand out on the balcony of the establishment. “Is it real or is it just for show?”

 Taemin scoffs. “Over a year later and you expect me to still be crying over you?”

 “N-No that’s not what I meant, it’s just-“

 “Calm down. I’m just fucking with you,” Taemin says. “I am happy. Genuinely. I love Seulgi and entering a partnership with Jongin was the best decision I made career wise. I have lots to be happy about.”

 Love. Minho can’t recall ever saying that word to Taemin and really meaning it. “You love her?”

 Taemin nods. “Yeah, I do.”

 He says it with so much conviction. “That’s good. I’m really happy for you Tae.”

 Taemin hums. “I don’t have to ask if you’re happy. It’s so apparent with the way you look at Jonghyun. It’s almost disgusting.” He takes a sip of his beer.

 “Does that bother you?”

 “At first it did. I spent so many nights wondering why you would look at him like that, and not me. But it doesn’t bother me anymore. I can see now that the love we had for each other or at least thought we had doesn’t compare to the real thing. You know? I still care about you. I always will. But I’m not in love with you.”

 Minho nods, not at all hurt by those words – rather feeling a sense of peace that Taemin has been able to move on.

 “I’ll always care about you. I know I was drunk in the voice memo, but I meant everything I said. I know we probably won’t ever be friends again, but I just want you to be happy and to take good care of yourself.”

 Taemin gives him a small smile. “I will.”

 Minho pulls the younger man in for a hug. “Thank you Taemin.”

 Taemin hugs him back. “For what?”

 “For forgiving me. That means more to me than you know.”

 Taemin pulls back. “I know you’re not a bad guy Minho. I never thought you were. You let your heart get the best of you. It also sucks cause Jonghyun-hyung is so hard to hate. He’s really sexy too-“

 “Hey, are you trying to make the moves on my man?” Minho teases.

 Taemin laughs with him.

 “There you guys are,” Kibum says as he joins them on the balcony. “Come back to the room, we’ve only got 10 minutes left and Minho has yet to sing a song.”

 Minho shakes his head as he and Taemin are both pulled along by Kibum.

        He sings a song that he thinks both Jonghyun and Taemin will enjoy.

        “Hey Min…”

 “Hmm?”

 They’re lying in their shared bed, huddled under the covers for warmth, with Jonghyun’s unbelievably cold toes tickling Minho’s ankles. It’s late December, with Christmas right around the corner. They both want to make the most of their first Christmas living together in their own home.

 “What do you think about getting married?”

 Minho pitches up at that, rolling over on top of Jonghyun so he can look at the other clearly.

“What did you just say?”

 Jonghyun averts his eyes, suddenly feeling shy under Minho’s intense gaze.  “I-I’m asking you to marry me.”

 “N-no Jjong why…”

 Jonghyun visibly deflates. “You don’t want to get married?” His eyes well up a little bit.

 “No no Jonghyun, of course I do baby,” Minho chuckles at how easily emotional his boyfriend can get. He squishes Jonghyun’s cheeks together. “Idiot. Of course I do. But you ruined my surprise.” Minho sighs and rolls over to his original position.

 Jonghyun sniffles. “Surprise?”

“I was gonna propose to you next spring.  I had this big thing planned. I was gonna take you out to a nice hotel for the weekend, one with a view of the beach. And on our last night, I would lead you to the balcony of our room and you’d look down at the beach and there would be ‘Will you marry me Jjong’ in big letters in the sand.”

 “Are you serious?”

 “Of course I am hyung! I was gonna book the reservations this week.”

 Jonghyun chuckles and then presses a kiss to Minho’s pouting lips. “You’re so cheesy.”

 “Shut up, you would’ve cried if I did.”

 He kisses Minho again. “Maybe…But still, will you though? Will you marry me?”

Minho grumbles. “Of course I will,” he pulls Jonghyun against his chest. The shorter man sighs in contentment as he wraps his arms around Minho’s waist.

 “We should start planning the wedding. Maybe a beach wedding so your fantasy will be fulfilled.”

 Minho smiles, and laces his fingers with Jonghyun’s. “Yeah? And after we’re married what are we gonna do next? Adopt some kids?”

 “Ooh ooh, two boys and a girl. Or two girls and a boy. We can start a cute little family.”

 “The cutest little family.”  

 Jonghyun grins and kisses Minho’s chin. The latter’s cheeks hurt from smiling at the idea of marrying his best friend and starting a family with him. And it would be the best family ever. They’d love and nurture their children just as much as they love and care for each other. And their lives will forever be filled with constant happiness.

 Jonghyun yawns and snuggles more into Minho’s embrace.

 “I love you Frogho.”

 “I love you more Dinoboy.”

 The End.

[outrowings]

hello frends (✿◕‿◕) hope u are all doing well. it is time for a mutual appreciation post as i haven’t done one in a while. im literally moving back to school on saturday so this seems like an opportune time. some of u guys have been my moots for a v long time, so much so that the content of my blog has changed drastically. thank u for supporting my messy multifandom blog. 

HOWEVER, i have finally opened sideblogs like a normal organized human being. this will remain my main/bts/kpop blog while @czzzerny is my new literature (hp/trc/aftg/six of crows) blog and @hawkcyes is my new comics(marvel/dc)/star trek/starwars/b99 blog. themes r under construction but i hope u check them out :]

if i accidentally included u or forgot to include u pls lmk so i can edit this post ~

❀ - lovelies with whom i interact 

@17dad ･ @4hyyh ･ @6ondry ❀ ･ @angeljk ･ @agustdboyfriend ･ @anthcny ･ @babybird ･ @barrnes ･ @bfjooonie ･ @blameblamebts ･ @blondekimseokjin ･ @bootae ･ @bwiq ･ @cherriestae ･ @clairelions ･ @cypherkookie ･ @day ･ @daegusoftboys ･ @dimp1ejoon ･ @fairyyeols ･ @gamjin ･ @geniuslab ･ @gentlekook ･ @goldjoons ･ @got7doubleb ･ @guksuu ･ @haechstan ･ @hauntednamjoon ･ @henderyten ･ @hobienana ･ @hobikookie ･ @hocusqocus ･ @hoeseok ･ @ily-jonghyun ･ @inodiate ❀ ･ @itschims ･ @itskimtaehyung ❀･ @j1ns ･ @je0n ･ @jeojngs ･ @jeonkimt ❀ ･ @jihopi ･ @jinsgothgf ･ @jkangel ･ @jogeumdeo ･ @joonchim ･ @joonie ･ @joonsoulmap ･ @jamescarstairs ･ @jungkookio ･ @jungnoir ･ @kacchand ･ @kimlinecult ･ @kimseaokjin ･ @knjspjm ･ @ksjunggukie ･ @kthsingularity ･ @letterstokook ･ @loisclark ･ @lycheae ･ @mellowsuga ･ @minmayhem ･ @minsjoon ･ @minsoaks ･ @minyardx ･ @moontro ･ @mvpgyu ❀ ･ @neonsgravestone ･ @nochanchu ･ @oracles ❀ ･ @orbities ･ @ourtwentyfcr ･ @parkhabits ･ @parkjiminbiased ･ @parksjms ･ @personawife ･ @plutomins ･ @poutaes ･ @prettytae ･ @qwertydashiell ･ @raplinesoutro ･ @rcnjun ❀ ･ @rose-jin ･ @safejimin ･ @sansastarkr ･ @sunlewis ･ @taegi ･ @tahyungs ･ @the95liner ･ @thehouseofkpop ･ @tinyjjks ･ @tuanever ･ @ughjeon ･ @ultjeon ･ @uniave ❀ ･ @vantaez ･ @vendettafrank ･ @vulgar-blue ･ @wccjaes ･ @withluvyoon ･ @wpnderwoman ･ @yoonqiful ･ @yoon-river ･ @yvesgfs 

p.s. ik some of u guys aren’t active too much now but i still love u guys

[i-see-you-as-a-sunflower]

As i sit here and write this i think about all of the beautiful memories i was able to have with you it may have been short but it will always be something i will cherish, jonghyun i hope you're happy in heaven i hope you are smiling and are still singing up there i pray every night and for every single birthday since u been gone I've wish that you are in peace now you were one of the most beautiful human being i have ever got the chance to know even if I've never met you in person please know you will always be in my heart.

As this marks the 3rd birthday we have to celebrate without you my wish today is that you are happy, that you are in peace and that you are well please continue to make Shinee shine as bright as you have always done and i hope one day in the future we can meet again and i hope when we do you will have your beautiful smile on

Happy birthday jonghyun i love you so so so much💙

[eorumverba]

@katrinawritesthings when ur bf is angelkin n u Gotta Kis

When Taemin gets upstairs, Jonghyun is sprawled out on their bed, his face pillowed by his folded arms. He must not have heard Taemin coming up the stairs, because as Taemin watches, Jonghyun attempts to bury his body into the blankets strewn about the bed. He’s humming one of his little songs to himself, kicking his feet in the air as he waits, pretty and patient.

Jonghyun is pouting, and he keeps shifting in his seat as he whines, "My shoulder blades, Taemie. They keep hurting. Or - no, not hurting. More like...tingling?"

And Taemin has always noticed the way Jonghyun would shift, rolling his shoulders a little as if to alleviate some sort of tension. He doesn't make the connection though, until now. "You felt your wings," he breathes. "You felt them, didn't you?"

Jonghyun ducks his head, a little soft, a little sweet, and he looks both fond and flustered as he nods.

"Can I touch them?" Taemin asks. He doesn't know much about being angelkin, other than what Jonghyun has told him, and the things he's read, but either way, he doesn't want to touch - or do anything - without Jonghyun's permission. "I want...I want to see you shiver when I touch you. I want to kiss my pretty angel's wings."

Jonghyun looks so shy, so sweet and soft now as he nods again, turning around to give Taemin better access. Like always, Taemin presses a kiss to the beauty mark on the back of his neck, and only when Jonghyun shivers does Taemin pull back.

"My pretty angel," Taemin coos, plucking at the thin t shirt (probably Jinki’s) before adding, "let's take this off, okay?"

When Jonghyun has done as he'd asked, Taemin sneaks his arms around Jonghyun's waist to hold him close as he brushes his lips against each letter of his tattoo. "My Jonghyunnie, pretty pretty angel, love you so much. So gorgeous for me, angel."

Whatever Jonghyun had been about to say is lost as the breath stutters from his throat, and Taemin laughs. "Jonghyunnie, can you go lie down in bed for me?”

“Why?” Even if Taemin can’t see it, he can tell that Jonghyun is pouting, can hear it in his voice. And he knows what he’s about to say will just make it worse, but-

“Well, I have to worship you properly, angel."

The soft, flustered noise that leaves Jonghyun's lips makes Taemin's heart melt.

When Taemin gets upstairs, Jonghyun is sprawled out on their bed, his face pillowed by his folded arms. He must not have heard Taemin coming up the stairs, because as Taemin watches, Jonghyun attempts to bury his body into the blankets strewn about the bed. He’s humming one of his little songs to himself, kicking his feet in the air as he waits, pretty and patient. And Taemin was going to call out for him, but Jonghyun looks so soft like this that he just leans against the door, watching with an endeared smile as Jonghyun wiggles his body to the tune of his song.

He’d shimmied his way out of his pants while Taemin was gone, so he lies bare but for the strip of pale blue of his (no, probably Kibum’s) boyshorts. In the warm afternoon sunlight, his skin shines silk smooth and honey gold, and from his place in the doorway, Taemin can see the way the muscles in his upper back shift, almost as if-

“You really are an angel, aren’t you?” Taemin asks. He says it mostly to himself, but Jonghyun startles, glancing back at him with wide eyes and a wider grin.

“Taeminnie! Took long, I missed you.”

“Missed you too, baby.”

Jonghyun turns back around as Taemin comes closer, simultaneously wriggling in anticipation and sending Taemin’s heart stuttering. As soon as the bed dips under Taemin’s weight, Jonghyun stills, waiting pretty and pliant for Taemin to settle low on his hips. He smiles with closed eyes as Taemin trails his fingers down to the curve of his shoulder blades, gentle gentle. Taemin doesn’t stop until Jonghyun’s breath catches on his throat. “Where are your wings? Here?”

Jonghyun nods, smile soft and sweet. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to, and Taemin shimmies further down to place his hands more firmly on Jonghyun’s back. “Angel,” he whispers, following the jut of his shoulder blades, the length of his back with his fingers and lips. He presses kisses to where Jonghyun’s wings would be and whispers praises to his skin, worshipping him in all the ways he knows how.

“My beautiful, pretty angel,” he mumbles to the dip in his lower back, “I love the way you tremble when I touch you like this.”

Taemin feels more than hears Jonghyun’s sharp intake of breath, and they’ve been together long enough for him to read all of the tells in his body. The little sigh of breath as he goes boneless means keep going, touch me, kiss me, and to make his demand even more clear, Jonghyun reaches back to fumble for Taemin’s hand.

So Taemin does as he’s told. “It gives me goosebumps, how ethereal you are. It’s like you were sent to bless me...you really are an angel. My angel.”

“Your guardian angel,” Jonghyun giggles, “I’m your guardian angel, Taeminnie.”

“Careful, or I’ll start to believe it.” When Jonghyun giggles again, Taemin kisses his hip, his side. “You could be, Jonghyunnie. Came to me so suddenly out of the blue, with me through one of the worst points in my life, center me...you’re my angel.”

“Taeminnie,” Jonghyun whines. He’d begun to wiggle while Taemin was speaking, and now his movement has become so incessant that Taemin rolls off of him, laughing as well.

“I’ll stop for now, Jonghyunnie. Okay, angel?”

Jonghyun pouts, but he nods, and he lets himself be bundled up in Taemin’s arms for more kisses. This time, when he tries to escape, Taemin just holds him tighter.

[kpopshitposter]

Are these actual people or characters?

ayo ayo ayo

The people on my blog are kpop/cpop/vpop idols, so they’re actual people who just be looking and acting like fictional characters bc they’re so beautiful it doesn’t feel real

Since it really be seeming like you’re in the wrong part of town I thought I’d compile a lil playlist for you… it’s a #-Z of Korean artists I personally listen to on the regular. Complete with song recs! I had a lot of fun putting it together so even if you only bother to listen to one song on it I hope you enjoy it!!

uhhhhhhh it’s a lot (this list should explain why it took me so long to reply to your ask i’m so sorry I hope this is helpful)

Casual disclaimer that if you feel like theres any problematic people mentioned please be aware that i dont pay attention to scandals so this is just about the songs

Also I guess people should feel free to add their faves to the list if they wanna recommend it and I haven’t included them

Alsox2 if any links are wrong im sorry i love u

Feel free to ask me to order them by genre, male/female, or mood or anything like that too if you’d like!! K-pop in general is a really fun and comforting music genre and you should totally give it a chance

#

2NE1 - I am the best3racha - Matryoshka (MaaAaaAAAAA)4Minute - Whatcha doin’ today

A

AB6IX - BreatheA.C.E. - Under Cover (I also really recommend Take Me Higher but rlly all of their songs)Agust D - Agust D (TONGUE TECHNOLOGY!! ICONIC. But also The Last and all of his solos)AOA - Bingle BangleASTRO - Moonwalk ATEEZ - Promise and Wave and HALA HALA all of their songs again lmao wow so many talented people in one list

B

B1A4 - Rollin’BASTARZ - Help Me and omg just take the albumB.A.P - Wake Me Up B-BOMB - Give & Take BIGBANG - LAST DANCE and FANTASTIC BABYBLACKPINK - Kick It they have a lot of good songs tho!!Block B - Be The Light and Don’t Leave and Dreams Come True and No Joke and Toy dkfjghjsw Block B are my ultimate group and I love every single one of their songs - they’re kings of genre varietyBolbbalgan4 - Some and Travel and Ring they have loads of good songs!!!BTS - Blood Sweat & Tears and Dope and Just One Day and Home picking is rlly rlly hard because they have a crazy amount of songs lmao I went with songs where they all have lines

C

CHUNG HA - Roller CoasterCL - Hello BitchesCLC - Hobgoblin and NoCrush - None also Cereal ft. Zico

D

Day6 - I Need Somebody and Shoot Me don’t forget to dance to Shoot Me like this (but we’ll get to Stray Kids later)DEAN - The Unknown Guest and Bonnie & Clyde and D (Half Moon) ft Gaeko

E

Eric Nam - Honestly EXID - Up & Down and I Love YouEXO - Damage and Wait and EL DORADO and Universe and yknow ALL OF THEM they do a lot of different genres!EXO-CBX - Hey Mama!EXO-K - Overdose

F

F(x) - Rum Pum Pum PumFANXY CHILD - Y

G

GFRIEND - Me Gustas Tu and Time for the moon night and RoughG(I)-DLE - LATATAGirl’s Day - Something Girls’ Generation - Lion Heart GOT7 - MiracleGRAY - TMI and Late Night with Loco

H

HEIZE - Don’t Know You and Shut Up & Groove with Dean and Jenga with GaekoHOA - LongingHoody - Like You and Golden with Jay ParkHYUKOH - LOVE YA!

I

iKON - Love Scenario (this might as well be Korea’s national anthem at this point)INFINITE - AIR and Bad (they don’t have a bad song)I.O.I - Very Very Very ITZY - DALLA DALLA and ICYIU - BBIBBI and Palette ft G-Dragon (she’s ridiculously good)

J

Jay Park - Me Like Yuh and Solo ft Hoody and Upside Down ft Simon Dominic and Loco and GRAY I really like Mommae ft Ugly Duck tooJENNIE - SOLO J-Hope - Daydream Ji Chang Wook (fight ME LMAO IM SORRY I HAVE TO INCLUDE HIM) - To a Butterfly he’s done a lot of good songs and has a really beautiful voice!! You can listen hereJimin - PromiseJimin Park - April FoolsJin - EpiphanyJJ Project - Tomorrow, Today and Find You (I think all of their lil subunit songs are good)JONGHYUN - MoonJUNNY - Handle You and Magnet TELL ME WHY EVERYONE IS SLEEPING ON JUNNY BC IDK

KKang Daniel - What are you up toKARD - Oh NaNa and Don’t RecallKevin Oh - LoverKEY - Show Me but really NOT A SINGLE BAD SONG IN DIS BITCHKNK - Love You

L

Lee Hyun - You Are Here (i know it’s random bc it’s from the BTS game album but this song is so so beautiful)Loco - to be completely honest I don’t know if Loco has any solo music but I really like Still ft Crush and Don’t ft Hwasa

M

Mamamoo - Open Your Mind MOMOLAND - BBoom BBoom Monsta X - No Reason and Ready or Not and Be Quiet yet another one who physically can’t do bad songsMINHO - I’m Home

N

NCT - Baby Don’t Stop and Highway to Heaven and Simon Says and Jet Lag and Candle Light and Boom (I couldn’t with all the subunits so JSIJFGUH) also I’m gonna include WayV even though they’re not k-pop (they’re an NCT subunit) Come Back and Regular (my most listened to song on spotify) and Let me love u and Take Off and Dream LaunchN.Flying - Hot Potato and Rooftop NU'EST - Where You At

O

ONE - HeyaheONEUS - Twilight Orange Caramel - Abing abing and Dream of Clara and So Sorry and Cookies, Cream and Mint and Superwoman (they’re my favourite girl group im OC trash even tho they’ve disbanded :]]]]]]] )O.WHEN - Picture

P

PARK JI HOON - L.O.V.EPENTAGON - Shine P.O - Comme des Garcons

Q

????????? I GENUINELY HAVE NO IDEA NAN MOLLA

R

Red Velvet - Red Flavor and Aitai-taiRM - Forever rain and Change ft Wale (tbh I only like mono. - his other solo stuff just isn’t for me but feel free to check it out he’s got MVs and stuff on YT!)

S

Sam Kim - Scent and Make Up ft Crush and It’s You ft ZicoSEVENTEEN - Pretty U and HIGHLIGHT and HOME and THANKS and ALL OF THEM ARE BOPSSSF9 - RPM SHAUN - Way Back Home SHINee - Get The Treasure and Diamond Sky and View they have a lot of songs and a lot of rlly good stuffSimon Dominic - ullah and Simon Dominic and Comfortable with Gray and ONE and WON & ONLY ft Jay Park and Cheerz …….. I like all of his songs as well sofjhrSISTAR - Touch my bodyStray Kids - 4419 and GLOW and My Pace and Chronosaurus and MRIOH anduhh one more time everything they do is worth listening to at least once!! Stray Kids are really all such sweet people and my ultimate bias is Chan from this group so I hope you like them!!SUNMI - Siren and ADDICTSuper Junior - MamacitaSURAN - WINE ft Changmo (produced by SUGA odfjgh)

TT2U - Ososugiruouni and Goodbye TAEMIN - Famous and Tease and Slave and I’m Crying and Thirsty and MOVE TAEYEON - WhyTHE BOYZ - No Air and Giddy Up and Walkin’ in TimeThe Rose - sorry and with you and Like We Used to Do and She’s In The Rain and BABY wow really all of their songs thanks for coming to my ted talkTXT - Nap of a Star and CROWNTriple H - GIRL GIRL GIRLTWICE - Heart Shaker

U

U-KWON - Let’s Ride also whatever you don’t should definitely NOT check THIS performance out

VV - Winter Bear (not a dry eye in dis bitch)VAV - Give me more and SenoritaVIXX - Chained UpVERIVERY - Tag Tag Tag

WWanna One - Energetic WINNER - AH YEAH and REALLY REALLYWoosung - FACE and MOON

X

X1 - everything is just teasers right now really but X1-MA IS EPIC SO

Y

Yerin Baek - Blue and As I am (her voice is really incredible and unique)Yoon Jisung - In the RainYoon Jong Shin - Like It and Wi-Fi ft Zico

Z

Zico - I am you, you are me and She’s a Baby and Eureka ft Zion.T and Bermuda Triangle ft Crush and Dean and Artist and ANTI ft G.Soul and Fanxy Child ft FANXY CHILD Zico is CRAZY talented and he’s done a lot with a lot of people and he’s really out here saving the whole hiphop industry Zion.T - Eat and Hello Tutorial ft Seulgi

[kimseunghoney]

10 biases tag!

i was tagged by my lovelies @moonxlika 💛 @yeetdam 💛 @ggoncafe 💛 to do the worst tag in the world 🙃 so here we go (p.s. i love y’all uwu)

1. seunghun 🍯

2. taeyang 👑

3. mino 🔥

4. hyunsuk ⚡️

5. nam taehyun 🌹

6. bobby 🌊

7. byounggon 👅

8. chaerin 💋

9. woong ☀️

10. jennie 💄

[lika im stealing your emoji idea bc it was really cute. this is in no particular order!]

cue the long ass explanation nobody asked for:

listen y’all.. gdragon & jonghyun are my ult biases, but i just felt they weren’t quite suitable for this tag(?) also i wanted to show taeyang some love bc although he isn’t my bigbang bias, he’s easily one of my top five favourite idols. as for silver boys.. i didn’t know what to do ok? at first i wanted to cheat and make it an ot11 sb party. then i realised this wouldn’t work, so i decided to include only seunghun since apparently he’s my bias. then i was like no?? so here we have the holy trinity & woong (lika i’m not as brave as you, i’m keeping jihoon out of this). there are SO many people missing from this list i just really want. to. CRY. picking the biases was harder than the tag. ok bye. oh wait, i also wanna say that i genuinely bias everyone in 2ne1, i just miss queen cl especially rn ok

1. BETWEEN 1&4: WHO WOULD YOU RATHER KISS?

seunghun or hyunsuk?? fuck no. what is this. i’d kiss both plsjdjd. at least seunghun is taller than me tho i’m going with him :) also y e s his lips byeye i’m done

2. BETWEEN 2&7: WHO WOULD BE YOUR BEST FRIEND?

taeyang or byounggon.. this tag is hell. ok i feel like i’m quite similar to gon so idk.. we’d either get along really well or not at all? i’ve said i’m similar to taeyang too, but in a different way - our humour’s just very similar. so i’ll choose taeyang. i think we’ll have a lot of fun together just laughing at stupid shit and annoying each other. also he’s more extroverted and would bring me out of my shell (lowkey wish this question asked about hyunsuk, i’d choose him)

3. BETWEEN 5&10: WHO HAS THE BETTER VOICE?

nam taehyun! this was the easiest so far. look i LOVE jennie’s timbre SO much but namtae is one of my favourite kpop vocalists (yes, he’s not kpop anymore but whatever). there are only like two people that could be against him in this question that would make me budge (one of them is taeyang so thank god it didn’t ask me about 2&5..we’d be here all day)

4. BETWEEN 1&8: WHO IS THE FUNNIEST?

i’ll give it to seunghun! he’s really goofy. chaerin is more on the serious side (i don’t mean this in a bad way, don’t even think about it, i admire her so much) but she’s more of a person i’d rely on / lean on yaknow?

5. BETWEEN 6&9: WHO WOULD YOU DATE?

welp.. it’s getting inch resting. bobby is more bf material while woong is more husband material? but ngl bobby would be the most annoying bf ever, i’m going with woong. we going ✈️ serious relationship hours

6. BETWEEN 9&10: WHO WOULD YOU DO A COLLABORATION WITH?

woong or jennie?? i wanna pop off with my gf in a hard hitting song BUT an r&b duet with woong??? oh lord. listen r&b / soul is my shit and nothing tops that for me

7. BETWEEN 4&8: WHO IS THE BEST DANCER?

so.. two main rappers who can easily be main dancers?? why? i love them both, WHY? imma choose hyunsuk just to shit on yg for not choosing him during the ‘lie’ performance 🙃 the petty jumped out and idgaf

8. BETWEEN 3&5: WHO WOULD YOU MOST LIKELY MARRY?

mino or namtae LMFAO i don’t wanna marry either of them. where’s woong when you need him. look.. i love namtae like my son. he is my son. i genuinely just purely love him so much, i can’t even tell you. but also he’d be so D I F F I C U L T, idk if i can handle him (although i like difficult so hmm).. ig im stuck with mino.. BUT namtae would be the better husband imo

9. BETWEEN 1&7: WHO WOULD YOU NURSE WHEN THEY ARE SICK?

GONHUN HUH?? i feel like in this situation gon would be more independent(?) idk man.. can i take care of both of them?? i feel like seunghun will be highkey annoying tho 🙃 he’d take advantage of the situation to be a little brat. i pick gon

10. BETWEEN 2&3: WHO HAS A BETTER SMILE?

taeyang has the prettiest eye smile :( but i think i’ll go with mino bc his whole face just transforms when he smiles and i love that with people *cough*simon dominic*cough*

11. BETWEEN 6&8: WHO WOULD YOU VACATION WITH?

bobby would annoy me i just know it. but then again he’d make it very fun and memorable. he’s more adventurous and mayhaps i need someone like that on vacation with me. but.. a n n o y i n g. chaerin and i have very similar interests so i think we’ll vibe a bit better on vacation? like we would agree on what we want to do so it’d be easier. it’d feel like quality time with your older sister & i miss my older sister so.. chaerin! also i like being comfortable and she gives me comfy and homely vibes?

i feel like everybody has already done this / is already tagged, so whoever wants to do it, just say i tagged you 💛

[lzhui]

🤧

[vskpop]

My 30 favourite songs of 2018

YouTube playlist ⋅ Spotify playlist

30. Heroine – Sunmi

I hesitate to call Sunmi feminist – does she consider herself one? Can k-pop really be feminist? – but her matter-of-factly, eyes-wide-open songs that touch on the position of women in relationships and in society are the closest thing to genuine female empowerment I’ve seen in k-pop. It doesn’t hurt that every single one of her songs is amazing.

29. Bboom Bboom – Momoland

Considering I usually hate “viral” songs – I’ve been brainwashed to like Gangnam Style just recently – I’m still shocked at how much I love Momoland’s Bboom Bboom. I’m also proud to say that I was an early adopter of the song, and watching their success skyrocket made my Q1. I’m still not tired of the sax line and of the “GREAT!” shouted during performances. This song (and Momoland, really) is just irresistible.

28. Retro Future – Triple H

The last ever song by Triple H (anger abounds) is just a taste of the genre-bending, sound-mixing, absurd-lyric-writing that we could have gotten for many years. Their retro-future has nothing to do with the Jetsons, and much more with insane 80’s synths and, well, that sexy vibe.

27. Love Shot – EXO

Well, EXO, that was last minute. My ambivalence towards EXO is represented by this song, which I both find ridiculous and adore at the same time. This song’s luscious synths and layered vocals make it elegant, then the performance makes it kitsch. I don’t know if I’ve been brainwashed, but it’s so great.

Other songs of note: Electric Kiss – Tempo – Gravity

26. Not That Type – Gugudan

A thousand times yes for Gugudan doing edgier concepts. Not That Type is the spiritual successor to A Girl Like Me, and it’s almost as good. This song, however, is even tougher and more explosive. The new 8-member Gugudan is off to a great start.

Other songs of note: The Boots – Shotgun

25. Beautiful Feeling – Day6

Yet again, it’s my special skill to ignore all the popular songs that a group has, and in this case the rock vibe that defines it, and pick the sweetest, mellowest song they’ve put out. Day6 make some amazing power ballads, and Beautiful Feeling gives me warm and fuzzy feelings every time I listen to it.

Other songs of note: Days Gone By – Headache – Shoot Me – Somehow

24. Dinner – Suho ft. Jane Jang

I don’t know how the powers that be decided that this duet should happen, but the result is everything. Jane Jang’s one-of-a-kind voice layers beautifully over Suho’s, who ended up being often overlooked as an EXO vocalist for all these years.

23. Remember Me – Oh My Girl

Every single Oh My Girl put out is juicy in its on way. They may always go back to their foundational dreamy pop, but they never fail to throw in a twist. Remember Me’s EDM flavour and heavy rap are a total change from Secret Garden, but the song still blossoms into a romantic, airy chorus, and all of the members find something to sink their teeth into.

Other songs of note: Secret Garden – Magic – Love O’Clock

22. La Vie en Rose – IZ*ONE

My resolve to ignore the existence of IZ*ONE (and survival show groups in general) faded at the first two octaves of La Vie En Rose. This song does so much with so little: the atmosphere it creates, and the contrast between the powerful pre-chorus and the understated chorus are what makes the song for me. In the meantime I’ve started to learn their names, so I’m doomed.

21. I Want You – SHINee

SHINee’s constant stream of releases this year is at the same time a new beginning and the beginning of the end. It’s hard to imagine that a whole year has passed since Jonghyun, and it’s hard to think that the group has survived even though these songs are concrete proof. I really struggled to make it through the more melancholy songs, so I picked I Want You out of a series of basically perfect tracks.

Other songs of note: Good Evening – Chemistry – Electric – Who Waits For Love – Countless – Our Page

20. LATATA – (G)I-DLE

I would be surprised if there was a single Boombayah lover who didn’t love this song. It has the same (pseudo-Indian?) influences, the same rhythms, the same anthemic quality. Latata is catchy, hypnotic, fun, and showcases all the members equally (ok, maybe Soyeon a bit more than everyone else). This is a textbook debut for 2018.

Other songs of note: Maze

19. 1, 2, 3! – Seungri

Here’s someone who usually did club music and for once didn’t, and I loved it anyway! 1,2,3!  is retro, guitar-led and much more lighthearted than anything Seungri has ever done. It’s lovely to see a less sultry (and a biiiiit slimy?) side of him. Also Anda.

Other songs of note: Hotline – Where Are You From

18. 22 Century Girl – fromis_9

I feel that my obsession with fromis_9 is still at its earliest stage, and that by the end of 2019 I will have gone totally mad for them. I am in love with their singles – To Heart, Love Bomb, what instant classics! – but the whirlwind of sounds of fever dream 22 Century Girl have stolen my heart.

Other songs of note: To Heart – Love Bomb

17. Blue Moon – Gyeong Ree

Another one for the theme of this list: house! Give me all of it in your pop songs! Here’s hoping that Gyeong Ree (wasn’t it easier when she spelled it Kyungri? Anyway) continues her solo career with such intriguing, sophisticated but super-fun songs.

16. Stay Here – Sojung

I don’t know exactly, but I cry my eyes out more often than not when I hear this song. Ladies’ Code’s Sojung’s voce is as light as a feather, until it explodes in the soaring chorus. Everybody knows that I love any power ballad, but the complex emotional balance of this one is just on another level.  

15. Now or Never – SF9

I can’t say I’ve been following SF9 as idols, but I have been listening to all their releases and they have given me nothing but quality. I know I complain about songs with drops, but the deep house (yep, again) and that sensual “jealous” have been killing me ever since they came into my life. It might be my favourite hook of 2018.

14. I Love You – EXID

I was a bit taken aback by EXID’s Lady earlier in the year, but it was love at first listen with I Love You. The distorted hook opens and holds together a song that has all the best of EXID, including Solji, who has returned stronger than ever with flawless vocals and zero shame.

Other songs of note: Lady

13. Dejavu – NU'EST W

You guessed it – house. Nothing has given me as much joy as the rise of NU’EST W, and I’ve been even happier because they did it with superb, incredibly on-trend songs while retaining the dark charm of their pre-success material. They really leaned into the “sexy bandit” thing, and I’m all for it.

Other songs of note: YlenoL – Shadow – Feels – Help Me

12. Oh! My mistake – APRIL

This song is fluffy and super-poppy and at the same time side-eye in music, if that was ever possible. The super-innocent and cute concept that APRIL have been doing since forever is now tinged with tongue-in-cheek sarcasm, and a little creepy synth that perfectly matches the theme of the track. It’s so addictive and so delicious.

Other songs of note: Oh-e-Oh – BEEP

11. Snapshot – IN2IT

I love when smaller groups do really, really great and out of the box stuff instead of copying their more successful peers. I’ve watched countless performances, entranced by the bass that opens the song, holding my breath for that “heartbeat go fast, heartbeat go slow”. This is one sexy song, and IN2IT are one good rookie group that I will keep my eye on.

10. Timeless – NCT U

Leave it to me to find the most niche release a super-popular group has had, and fall in love with it so deeply that the rest (most of which I hated, not sorry) doesn’t count. NCT are too big of a group with some really, really good singers hiding in the back line while the rappers swagger about. I loved that some of them got their chance to show off and I adore this poetic, heartbreaking song.

Other songs of note: Boss – Baby Don’t Stop – Replay (PM 01:27)

9. Shine – Pentagon

I have to wonder if this song would have been higher in my charts if it wasn’t for the bloodbath that was of Pentagon and their career after this song came out. It’s such a pity that such a feelgood song has become, well, not so feelgood. This song’s wonky piano riff and anthemic chorus are still a delight, and their personality really shines (LOL) through. OT10 forever.

Other songs of note: Off-road

8. The Grand Dreams – Minseo

Where did Minseo even come from? Why hasn’t she been here our entire lives? Her dreamy vocals have been giving me life this year, and her refined musical sense (or of her producers, really) is a breath of fresh air when everything gets a bit to same-y in k-pop.

Other songs of note: Is Who

7. One of Those Nights – Key ft. Crush

Key came in last minute and slapped us all in the face with a perfect album that is reminiscing of SHINee’s work from earlier in the year, but also shows his personality as an artist. The lead single One of Those Nights moves fast and interweaves the melancholy of the lyrics in the music. Both Key and Crush are shockingly good vocalists, but together they just make each other shine even more.

6. Allegro Cantabile – Nature

Random music terms / Italian? I had to check it out. Nature put out something that’s a musical number, j-pop anime opening and k-pop bubblegum all in one. Their vocals are amazing and they are adorable. I’m excited to follow them into 2019.

5. DDU-DU DDU-DU – BLACKPINK

Is this Blackpink’s best offering? No. But what does it say when your not-best is still miles ahead of the competition? Blackpink have been doing k-pop bangers better than anyone else, and DDU-DU DDU-DU, from Jennie’s spitfire rap to Rosé’s melodies, hits all the right spots (like a ddu-du ddu-du).

Other songs of note: See U Later

4. Puzzle Moon – GWSN

This song is so good. These girls are so good. As I put together this list, I realised how much all I wanted in 2018 was a good deep house sample, and GWSN delivered. The bass contrasts elegantly with the tiny voices, and the obscure chorus – “make it moon” – emphasizes the magical atmosphere of this song.

3. Air – Winner

I miss old Winner. New Winner’s YOLO swag annoys me at best, so I dig through their b-sides in search for what we lost when Taehyun left. Air’s appropriately breathy chorus and gentle, romantic atmosphere did it for me and managed to put Winner on my podium yet again. Good job, Winner. Now stop it with the tropical house.

Other songs of note: We Were – Movie Star – Raining – Have A Good Day

2. KILLING ME – iKON

The year started well for me (and everyone else) and iKON with Love Scenario, but I had no idea of where it would bring us. Killing Me’s bitter, moody atmosphere made for the dance song of my dreams. The decisive beat and array of distortions somehow create an eerie, understated atmosphere. It’s a dance song, but make it sad and a little creepy.

Other songs of note: Love Scenario – Rubber Band – Beautiful – Perfect – Freedom – Don't Let Me Know

1. Oh My – Monsta X

I know. I am annoying myself by picking a b-side as my favourite song of the year, but here we are. Monsta X have become one of my very favourite groups and, while their album songs have always been amazing, to me Oh My summarizes everything I love and everything I want from them. In a year of minimalism, it’s loud, larger than life, unafraid of bleeps and bloops, rich in both vocals (Kihyun!) and proper rap sections. It’s the powerhouse that I expect from them and I hope to hear again and again.

Other songs of note: Jealousy – Destroyer – Fallin' – Spotlight