#unfortunately/luckily episode 8 slaps

[aldieb]

i wish i knew what it was like watching this w/o reading the books… like who cares about the random hot shienaran dude randomly dying in an alley if you don’t have the background on ingtar and what that meant 🥲

[thoughtfullyyoungduck]

sleepwalking

summary: could you do a reddie x daughter where all the losers watch a horror movie and she convinces them she won’t get scared but she’s obv scared so they tease her abt it the whole night but then when they go to bed she starts sleep walking and richie get terrified and screams running upstairs and he has to literally pay eddie not to tell the other losers

The kernels crunch under footsteps, left over from their night in with the losers and his family, and Richie just about dies. Richie is not often spooked, can’t afforded to be after what Pennywise did to them as kids and how fast they had to react to survive the encounters, scared shitless or not, although he got plenty of practices getting over initial frights when their daughter was just three months old and awoke them out of a deep sleep every night with her piercing cries.

Tonight though, he finished watching three horror films, and he’s downstairs in the pitch-black with his daughter and Eddie both already retreated upstairs. He’s alone on the bottom floor, having decided He was going to write down a few jokes that occurred to him during the evening, like Bill trying to drink his sofa without taking the lid of, and his Rose pretending not to be scared by the movie, even if she had to cover her face with her hands every time the music picked up.

It’s not the first, nor will it be the last, time that he’s stayed behind while Eddie and Rose turn in. The night time seems to spark his creativity better than the day ever does, but it is the first time someone else comes creeping. He knows it’s not Eddie. When Eddie has to get up to get a drink during the night, he’ll do his best to stay quiet, but always falters on the second to last step that creeks loudly throughout the otherwise solemn house. He curses himself over it every time.

The second to last step didn’t produce any sound tonight, but still Richie can pick up on heavy breathing, just outside the kitchen he’s positioned in. Suddenly, the films he bravely -and foolishly- selected are having him imagine all sorts of creepy and ominous things.

His phone, perched to the side of him, lights up. So far, Richie has been listening, trying to distinguish what the sounds are without having to face the possible danger, but now he sees Eddie is calling him from upstairs, his heart sink and he switches into protection modus. He doesn’t stop to answer the phone, but walks towards their cabinet where they stash all the sharp objects - Rose may be 14 already, the habit sticks - and grips the largest one they have.

His hands are shaking, flashbacks of Pennywise are infiltrating his thoughts, but he bans them to the same dark corner they’re always supposed to reside in. He can’t think of that now, not while he needs to protect the ones he loves.

He gears up, preparing to lunch at whoever is waiting for him, but a sudden hand on his shoulder scares him.

He yelps, louder than he ever had, and rips away from the dark figure. The dark figure turns out to be Eddie, who looks about two seconds away from slaughtering Richie to death, despite the latter having no idea why. Richie’s chest heaves, and with his entire body shaking as the aftershocks of the fright leave him, he has momentarily forgotten the threat in the other room.

‘Eddie?’ He asks confused, blinking up at him.

‘No, the fucking demon that lives in this house asshole. Of course it’s me.’ A chuckle escapes Richie’s lips without his intent, but it dies down quickly and withers away after it’s met Eddie’s scornful gaze. ‘I told you to keep it down, rose is sleepwalking again. You know not to wake her.’ Suddenly, the noises in the other room make sense.

‘Fuck’, Richie curses, slapping a flat palm to his forehead in discontent. ‘I thought it was fucking burglar or something Eds.’

One of Eddie’s eyebrows twitch up, unimpressed. ‘So you dismiss the obvious that it’s either me or our daughter, but you jump straight to a burglary?’

‘Well... in that movie-‘

‘Oh for fuck sake Richie’, Eddie laughs. ‘the movie you insisted didn’t scare you and wouldn’t scare Rose?’

‘It didn’t scare me’, Richie defends, even though the trembles in his voice and his earlier rapid doom scenario thinking suggests otherwise. ‘It just had a lot of scenes that could happen in real life.’

Eddie clearly has more to say, more disgustingly covered up affectionate nicknames to throw around, but another voice, confused and hazy with sleep speak up from the other room.

‘Dad? Pops?’

Instantly, the petty argument between Richie and Eddie is forgotten, and they run in to check up on Rose. It isn’t the first time that she’s sleepwalked in the middle of the night, and it unfortunately won’t be the last, but there’s usually a reason as to why it happens. An overload of stress for example, or the overthinking of a mundane task that was, in hindsight, easily done. Richie’s a little unsure about what set this episode off, he doesn’t recall Rose mentioning anything out of the ordinary.

He’s face blazes and Ashley white when he begins to wonder whether or not a scary movie can set it off, and that he was the one who allowed her to watch it.

He stores the question as to why somewhere far in the back of his mind to revisit later, which he will do, extensively. Right now the most important thing is making sure Rose is alright.

In her daze she stumbled on over into the living room, sitting on the edge of the table glass with her eyes closed gently swaying back and forth. If Richie didn’t know any better, he’d think she was intentionally mimicking the film earlier in the evening. She’s still asleep, but her lips mumble words not loud enough to be tangible.

Eddie puts a single digit before his mouth, silencing Richie before the other has time to mutter something. People who sleepwalk need to be awoken gently, not by brute force or a simple wake up, because the changes environment might spook them. Richie is all about pranking his daughter, but he will never wake her up out of her daze for a quick laugh.

‘Rose’, Eddie whispers, starting to shake her slightly harsher than she’s already doing herself. Richie positions himself behind her, ready to catch in the case that she jumps and falls to the ground. Luckily for all of them, Rose isn’t deep in trance, she startles awake from the bare minimum Eddie was doing.

‘Dad, pops?’ She asks disorientated, rubbing away the sleep in her eyes. ‘Did I do it again?’

‘Yeah sweets,’ Richie says,’how are you feeling?’

‘Tired, the usual.’

‘You’re sure? You have to tell us if something else is wrong okay?’ The first time Rose sleepwalked, she ran into a cabinet and injured her ankle, and she kept it a secret from Richie and Eddie. When Eddie found out, he had been rightfully worried.

‘I promise dad’, Rose reassured him. Squeezing his hand. ‘I just want to go to bed. Wait, why are you two down here? Did I cause another ruckus?’

‘No honey, your pops-‘

‘Was just telling your dad about that fancy new car he was going to buy him.’ He tries to signal to Eddie as discrete as possible, but his frantic eyes are probably giving everything away. Still, he hopes Eddie has mercy on him, at least this once, because Rose will never let him live it down that he got scared by his own hand. God, Richie shudders, he can already picture the blackmail material she would have when she gets older and asks him something Eddie forbade her to do.

Eddie smirks, but he says nothing for now, most likely plotting how he can drag this out the longest to torture Richie.

‘Off to bed now, come on. I’m too old to skip my naps like this.’ Richie inches Rose forward by her shoulders, both to spur her on and to make sure she’s stable enough not to fall over. Richie doesn’t understand that much about sleepwalking, he’s not as smart or intuitive as Eddie is, but he is pretty sure it means she’s still half asleep while moving, and that always uphold a risk.

They make it up the stairs in one piece, low lighting and all, and Eddie parts from the father-daughter duo to go back to their bedroom and doze off for the night. Richie lingers, as he always does whenever he tucks Rose in. Every day, he praises himself lucky for the all opportunities he’s gotten after Derry, from Eddie and the losers to his job and Rose. He can’t believe it all happened to him, so he likes to take a moment to soak it all up.

‘Richie,’ Eddie beckons him over, because though he knows how much his husband cherishes his life, he also knows Rose is a child who is tired and needs her 8 hours of sleep at night.

‘Coming,’ Richie mumbles, pressing down one last kiss to Rose’s and making silly faces to ridicule Eddie in good fun. ‘You’re dad is so bossy’, he complains to Rose, who giggles but shakes her head loyally.

‘Careful, he might hear you and then you’ll be in big trouble pops.’

‘Do not mimic me in front of our daughter Richard. I’m warning you.’

‘I’m telling you he has a wire placed on me at all times’, Richie jokes, patting himself down to sell the joke home. ‘Anyway, Goodnight bug’

‘Goodnight. Oh, and Pops?’

‘Yeah?’

‘You don’t have to pretend not to be scared for my sake, I could see you cover you eyes during the scary parts.’ She turns on her side, facing away from her door and where Richie is standing, though the smirk on her face suggest she’s all too aware of she put Richie in his place. He can’t bring himself to be upset about it, she’s too much like Eddie for it to do anything but endear him.

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 4  The Grand Tournament

An Extremely Normal Tourney

It’s time for the royal tourney! A tourney that Brennan, who would never lie to us, has assured us will be all fun and games and only simulated danger! What could possibly go wrong?

For an exhaustive answer to what should be a rhetorical question, let’s join our PCs on the tourney grounds where they’re getting ready for their respective events. 

Just to give you guys a quick rundown of who’s doing what:

Theobald is in the Joust, facing off against Lady Plumbeline.  

Liam, Ruby, Lord Citron of Fructerra (Banana man), and Lady Freccia of Cerecia (Spaghetti Illithid woman) are in the archery competition. 

There are two melee bouts going on: 

One is a Vegetanian knight (Bonathan--french fries dude), Anabelle, Grissini, and Jet 

The other is Keradin (Bulbian paladin from last ep), a Ceresian Gladiator, Scravoya (wife of the meat dude Amethar called out last episode), and Amethar.  

The only person sitting out the festivities is old-man Lapin who is chilling in the high rollers box with the Pontifex, Alfredi, and some of the other important peeps we met last episode.  

Lord and Lady Cruller are watching Jet’s fight and also have taken Primsy under their wing to keep her away from Stilton who Theobald has warned everyone about.

While Brennan rolls initiative for a million NPCs, the PCs mess around with the Message cantrip and Jet worries that something bad might happen to her dad during the tournament. Ruby says that, if anyone tries anything, they’ll stop it.

On to the matches!

In the first round of the archery competition, Liam does well with a 23 (he’s only beaten by Citron who gets a 25) and Ruby (who’s not really equipped for bow shooting at this distance and can’t get a magic boost without putting herself in major danger) lags behind with a 10.

In the main melee battle, Scravoya (who is fully just a t-bone steak with eyes) outright threatens Amethar and he leans into it, saying they should take out their competition so they can 1v1 each other. A very good idea but with only an 8 Persuasion roll to back it up, it doesn’t work. Amethar tries to make the same deal with Keradin but, when he’s rebuffed, goes into a rage and goes for Scravoya, hitting her for 19 points of damage. On her turn, she returns the favor for 16 points.  

Jet decides to take a page from her dad’s book and tries to ally with Annabelle...by bringing up her ejection from the line of succession, her refusal to wed, and also declaring that she also won’t wed--each of those statements probably being enough to cause a scandal on its own. But even with disadvantage on Persuasion, Jet gets a 20 which means that while the crowd is scandalized, Annabelle is touched by the show of solidarity and salutes with her sabre. Then Jet hits Grissini for 21 points of damage, giving us insight into what his type is because his response is to instantly go full heart eyes for her. Doesn’t stop him from dealing a bunch of damage to Jet on his turn though.  

Meanwhile, Lapin--saying it’s a request from the king--has Lord and Lady Swirly (who are in the box with him) hold comically full glasses of wine for when Amethar’s match is done, something they don’t question at all. He foregoes a “real turn” so he can act when something actually happens.

In the joust, Theobald and Lady Plumbeline run at each other and Theo super hits with a 24. The joust is supposed to be three rounds long but on a 15 Athletics to her nat 1, Theo absolutely sends her flying off her meep and ends it--and the chance at getting to name herself as a candidate for the Emperor’s successor--right then and there. He hops down off his meep to help her up but she slaps his hand away, picks herself up, fully crying, and runs off the field.

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Back in the main melee, Brennan asks for 3 Con saving throws from Amethar, activating both mine and Lou’s Fight or Flight. Brennan says that Amethar takes 8 piercing damage and then 22 points of damage that are not halved (even though he’s raging) which brings him down to 6 HP. And, on top of that, he’s suddenly having trouble breathing.

Zac decides that this is a good time for Lapin to take his turn but, on an 8, doesn’t notice anything is wrong. Like yeah, Amethar’s hurt but it would be weird if it wasn’t. It’s a melee. Amether also rolls Perception and, with an 8, though he knows that something sharp cut into his side when he bumped into Keradin and the gladiator (which is weird because they’re all fighting with blunted weapons) he thinks he could have just gotten scratched by their armor or something. 

Liam and Jet both fail their Perception checks on their turns to notice Amethar is in dire straits. 

Oh Amethar’s turn, having realized that something Weird and Bad is happening, he fully nopes out of there and Disengages so he can hop the fence to the pen where Jet’s fight is happening (the one Cruller is watching) and lie down to signal to everyone that he’s not fighting anymore and needs help.

Unfortunately for him, Scravoya fails her Wisdom save and jumps the fence to continue wailing on Amethar, knocking him unconscious.     

Lapin, paying off the Looney Tunes gag that he set up on his first turn, hip checks Lord and Lady Swirlie to make them throw the wine in Alfredi’s face. While she’s distracted, he does some sneaky healing on Amethar (13 pts) which no one clocks though Brennan doesn’t tell *them* that.  

Amethar, while unconscious, sees his sister Rococco in a field of wheat in the spot where she died, who tells him to get up. In the real world, he does. 

On Jet’s turn, she prepares to exit the fight to help her dad. Grissini notices that she’s distressed and asks if something’s wrong. When she says that someone is trying to kill her dad, he stops fighting, throws down his weapon, and tries to get the Pontifex’s attention. 

As soon as it’s his turn, Theo accesses the Speed Force, runs all the way to Amethar, and disarms Scravoya. Jet is suddenly more interested in learning a disarming blow.

Ruby runs over to Jet to help out if she needs to (and, mechanically, so their lockets are in play) and also sends Yak up to keep an eye on things.  

Cruller jumps down to help stop the fighting and check on Amethar, finding that Amethar can’t speak. He calls for a healer and Keradin comes over. Ruby makes him drop his mace as he passes her but he gets there and kneels next to him.

Liam casts Detect Poison and Disease since Amethar looks pretty sick (his deception roll to hide it is only a 10, yikes) and Brennan says there’s definitely poison happening. But oh no Brennan. You’re not getting away with just that. The language of that spell says you ID the type and location of poison in range. 

Brennan reads the card to confirm that his shit is thoroughly fucked and then narrates that Liam detects a poison cocktail in Amethar which delivered 22 points of poison damage (he saved so 22 was half), gives the Poisoned condition (which he also saved from), and also silences the person for an hour (which is why he can’t talk). And location? Liam smells the same poison that’s in Amethar’s body on two daggers on Keradin’s belt. Liam calls him out (without explaining what’s going on very well--luckily Theo starts yelling poison to make things more clear for the audience) and casts Hunter's Mark very openly without really disguising it.

Father in danger, Jet tries to attack Keradin but misses twice. Amethar, on his turn, gets up, goes into a rage, and hits Keradin (whose eyes go blank and soft) and then backs up from him.

Scravoya keeps fighting because she’s a woman in a rage and on a mission (rather than anything especially sinister, a previous check showed that she thinks Amethar is cheating or wussing out which is why she’s kept fighting).

Back in the box, Alfredi is still chewing out the Swirlies and not really paying attention to the other insanity going on. The Pontifex meanwhile is watching intensely and is so shocked she can’t really move or speak. Lapin yells for them to call off the fight (21 Persuasion) and, even though he probably shouldn’t be giving orders while sitting next to someone who outranks him so completely, the Pontifex ignores that and yells at Keradin to kneel and he does so immediately.   

The horns blow, the fight stops--even Scravoya stops. But we’re still in initiative. Anabelle jumps over and knocks Keradin further down. Grissini starts mobilizing guards to stop anyone running away. Theo tries to get the daggers from him and fails. Luckily Ruby is next and she casts Hex (giving Keradin disadvantage to Dex) and just barely grabs the poison daggers from Keradin’s belt with help from Yak, holding them up and loudly declaring their existence to the crowd like the performer she wants to be. The daggers are made of pure water which is super deadly to sugar people. And luckily, on a nat 1, no one notices her spell. Cruller goes after the fleeing Ceresian gladiator and we exit combat.

Keradin is grabbed by guards and is double arrested by the Pontifex and Grissini in a church/state tag team. Alfredi glances at Lapin and then comes down and heals the Poison condition from Amethar.

Liam tries to do a better job at disguising his magic as just non-magical ranger knowledge but doesn’t do a great job, even with help from Ruby.

Jet tries to see if Anabelle is on the level and her read on her is shaky because it’s been a crazy like minute and a half for her. She then apologizes for inadvertently embarrassing her. Anabelle says she needs to learn to be less quick to run off at the mouth outside of Candia but she doesn’t seem to have any hard feelings (especially since her scandal is like only the 9th craziest thing that’s happened at this point). 

Lapin’s Big Day

The security minded people start to arrange escorts and guards and all the stuff you do when an assassination attempt happens. Theo wants to be part of the investigation. Lapin sees Alfredi talking to the Pontifex and pointing to Liam. The Pontifex then comes over to Grissini and says that the church would see Keradin hanged for his actions. Grisinni tells her that the Candians want to talk to him first and she’s fine with that. She leaves, followed by the meat people. Before he leaves, Senator Ciabatta checks in with Amethar and, without explanation, says that he doesn’t believe Keradin acted alone. 

Liam is ready to just peace out into the woods before he’s tried as a witch but Theo tells him to stay. Cruller comes back and says that they arrested the dude he had been chasing down. They decide to split up with the kids and Tartgaurd going with Amethar to lay low--and to protect Liam--while the old dude squad--Theo, Lapin, and Cruller--go to supervise whatever’s going on with Keradin so he doesn’t just get disappeared before they can talk to him. Theo gives Jet Sprinkle (whose eyes he can see through) and they split up.   

Anabelle comes over and introduces herself to Amethar, calling it a great honor as her dad was good friends with him. Jet makes a comment about her thighs being weapons because she hasn’t learned anything from her talk with Anabelle (who, for the record, doesn’t disagree with the content of the statement, just the appropriateness).

Prince Cabbage also passes by and they get the sense that he was not paying attention to anything that was going on and just had it explained to him after the fact (which, dude, how do you sleep through that???? Unless he didn’t and he wasn’t paying attention for some wild, Pepe Silvia reason, but too much craziness is going on this ep for me to start Wild Mass Guessing for no reason). 

Lapin lets the others know that the cat might be out of the bag re: Liam’s magic and Cruller points out that it’s way easier for the church to off him than Ruby so he’s potentially in a LOT of danger. Even the king might be powerless to stop any retribution. Theo suggests that maybe if Liam was made a knight, that would give him some protection. Lapin thinks he might be able to talk to the Pontifex about it. And if neither of those work, Cruller can try and spirit him away back to Candia.    

Plans set, they go find Keradin who is chained in a dungeon guarded by Grissini and his men. Lapin does an Insight check with advantage (helped by Theo) and our boy gets a nat 20! On that nat 20, he knows that Keradin is of such unshakable faith that he is immune to being mind controlled. He’s just an extremely loyal follower of the church who’s never had an independent thought in his life.

 Lapin asks for the room to be cleared so he can have a conversation with Keradin and Grissini says he’s under orders from the Pontifex to not let Keradin get-got before the church has the chance to do it. “Oh,” says Lapin. “So you’re calling me, a man of that that same church, a liar and also a murderer? Interesting.” Grissini is so cowed that even without Lapin rolling Intimidation or Persuasion, Grissini deeply apologizes and clears the room.

Lapin makes like he’s going to break him out of his chains and asks Keradin where he’s supposed to meet with his co-conspirators. On a 25 Deception (!) v. Keradin’s 3 Insight, Keradin says that there was no plan and he was supposed to just let Amethar die on the field and walk away. Lapin asks where he can get another dagger so he can complete the attack and Keradin says he got his three from Alfredi!

Information gleaned, Lapin slaps Keradin across the face and calls back in the guard, telling them to arrest Alfredi. On a 22 Persuasion, Lapin is able to get Grissini to agree to this bold order and they head out. 

Keradin loses his shit and starts pulling at his chains, yelling, “Apostate!” at Lapin who leans in and drops the rawest line anyone could have at that moment.

“Where is your Bulb now?”   

Medal of Honor

When Lapin DID THAT my first thought was, “Man, I wish I still had Honor Roll on my recaps so I could give it to him.” Then I remembered I make the rules here and I can do whatever the hell I want. 

What an absolutely BEASTLY set of moves from Lapin. I’ve always said, Zac is quietly super smart but always hampered in-game by the himbos he chooses to play but man did he make up for every insane, “Are you my Dad?” from S1 with his CRAZY flex this episode.

One of the best things you can do as a player is do something so logical and natural and fitting that the DM can’t help but give it to you, roll be damned and he got that from Brennan this episode.

Not to mention setting up his distraction a round in advance, coming up with a *great* way to get info from Keradin (in the moment I had no idea how he was gonna play that), taking Alfredi off the board so early into the game, and that sick, sick, mic drop of a line that forced Brennan to end the episode.

He went from sitting out the entire tournament to undisputed MVP of the episode. What a champ.

*Also, would be remiss if I didn’t mention that his gag of just creepily appearing on the king’s shoulder is my fave of the season so far.   

Things I’m Concerned About

Well the number one thing I’m concerned about is a thing I didn’t even notice until I rewatched for this recap. Ruby grabs two water daggers off of Keradin but then Keradin tells Lapin that Alfredi gave him three water daggers. Which means that either water daggers are one use (3 - the one he used on Amethar = 2) OR, both more likely (assuming max drama at least) and troubling, there’s a third dagger floating around out there. And that’s such an easy thing to miss in the heat of the moment when you’re playing. So the question is, who has that third dagger? It would be weird if Alfredi had it--why give it right back to the person who gave it to you? If this is a Bubian conspiracy, maybe one of the other officials like Onionpatch--he would be an unexpected candidate. Either way, I hope someone clocked that bit of info or will soon because that’s a dangerous thing to just be lurking.

I’m concerned about how far down this rabbit hole goes (pun unintended but consciously retained). When Brennan said Keradin’s eyes went blank and soft during the struggle, I was thinking maybe mind control but he’s apparently immune to mind control (which I think means he’s at least a level 8 Paladin since that’s when they gain immunity to charm spells and abilities--so I guess he was just surprised at the turn of events in that moment and that’s what that was?). So how corrupt is this church? Does it go all the way to the Pontifex? Do they want a specific person on the throne or do they just not want a Candian on the throne since they’re well known for being lax with enforcing the magic restrictions, something the church would surely hate.

I’m concerned Theo might have inadvertently made an enemy of Plumbeline. Or, like, driven her to do something rash. Like, we know he was just being a good guy but she was obv not in a good headspace in that moment. It wasn’t a bad move from him--if she’d reacted well it would have been a good relationship to have, but the dice just weren’t on his side.  

I’m concerned about what it will take before the children start thinking about the ~implications~ of their actions. Like, Jet airing royal laundry and declaring to not marry  in front of everybody and Liam not even trying to hide his Hunter’s Mark at Keradin? This is the Actions Have Consequences season! I keep saying that and I’m sure it’s gonna continue until someone dies! And speaking of.. 

Like...come on. It’s gotta happen, right? And the longer they murder-block Brennan, the worse it’s gonna be when it happens! And like...I realllllly wouldn’t want to be Liam right now. It occurs to me that this would be a good opportunity to throw Liam under the bus for Ruby’s sake. Not saying they SHOULD do it obviously or that they would--in fact they started doing the opposite immediately. But if my main thought was protecting Ruby, I would accuse Liam--son of the traitor who openly did magic at the royal tournament--of having done the magic on the road, and that clears Ruby and he’s a much easier scapegoat. 

Five Six More Things

Very funny that Ally basically only refers to Anabelle as, “the hot one”. Like that’s the only thing about her that stuck. 

Let’s say Plumbeline had won and put her name up for consideration. Do you think her dad would have named her over Amethar? Like, I’m sure Amethar would be fine with it seeing as he doesn’t really want the job but I dunno.

What would win? An intricately plotted assassination attempt or a level 1 spell and a disengage action? LOL, RIP Brennan. Truly, Brennan was thwarted at every turn this episode. Amethar running away alleviated the need for everyone to make some near impossible Perception checks. Theo Usain Bolting over and disarming Scravoya. Liam clocking the poison stopped Keradin from doing any funny business and narrowed their suspects to one instead of literally everyone on the field. Ruby grabbing the daggers made it clear what was going on and showed that they were the victims of an attack not whatever all that nonsense looked like out of context. If they had played this any differently, Amethar would probably be dead. And, at no point watching that do you get the sense that this was a planned story event they were meant to get through shaken but unscathed. Brennan was gunning for him (“Stop trying to kill my dad!/Stop having you dad be the king!/Fuck you!/Fuck you!”).

I think it is very endearing that Grissini, upon hearing that Jet needed help, immediately started to wildly flag down the Pontifex but, upon actually talking to the Pontifex later, was very formal and hesitant, showing that he really just dropped all his inhibitions and social graces to help Jet in that moment.  

What an INSANE thing to witness as an attendee of this tournament. Like, truly a year’s worth of drama within about 2 minutes. WILD. 

Emily and Siobhan have a quick conversation about whether Alfredi is working with the cheese bandits where Emily cites, “Pasta with cream sauce” as evidence and if this season’s plot twists occur in such a way that they can be retroactively tracked by something like “foods that go together,” I am going to scream. I am also fully prepared for this to be the case.

[anuschkalova]

Simply and Sanely PART 8 (Jeremiah x Reader)

A/N: I can’t believe I actually did it, but here it is: chapter 8! 🎉 I’m sorry for the wait. As I was writing this part, I realized how much I’ve missed this series and writing in general. I’m sad that Gotham is over, but I rewatched some episodes and fell in love again. Warning: this chapter is really long! So grab a drink and some snacks, get cozy and enjoy!  Also: If you want to support me, I’ll be more than grateful for a cup of coffee!  https://ko-fi.com/anniartheart Thank you!❤️

Summary: Y/N gets in trouble and Jeremiah helps her. But little does she know that he drags her into more trouble, making Y/N a part of his plans. Forcing her to enter the dangerous life of Gotham’s underworld.

Pairing: Jeremiah Valeska x Reader Word count: 4,693 Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 🖤Masterlist🖤

Previously:

„Hi!“ He waved with his gun and wore a devious grin. „I’m Victor Zsasz and I’m here to pick you up. The Penguin wants to talk to you.“

__

The air was burning in your lungs. Every breath was agony, but the pain was evidence of your liveliness, so you gladly endured it.  Still coughing, you gathered up the little strength that was left in your trembling body and sat up. You raised your head to look at the black dressed man. 

„Alright. Take me to him“, you agreed. Victor titled his head a little, a deep frown on his face. It was then that you noticed his missing eyebrows.

„Well, I was hoping you’d make a fuss. That was too easy“, he almost complained and you mirrored his confusion. „Why?“, you asked.

He casually pointed with his gun towards you. „Wanted to shoot your knee. You know, the pretty ones scream the most.“  Your hand, that had just started to carefully rub your bruised neck, went abruptly still. The familiar craziness in his dark eyes sent shivers down your spine.  „Is everyone in this god damn city crazy?“, you mumbled to yourself and Victor grinned. 

„Welcome to Gotham, sweet cheeks.“

You just glanced up at the man, too exhausted to be either upset or scared. But you were concerned: the gun, which Selina had given you for protection, was now laying close to Mr. Ricci’s body. 

You doubted for Victor’s approval to take the weapon along to Oswald’s meeting, so you had to come up with something. Bending over the dead man, you searched his pockets for anything of value. While you put his wallet and golden rings into your clutch, Victor whistled to express his surprise, as well as admiration.  „Tough litte thing. I like you.“ You heard the dull steps of his heavy boots getting closer. Calmly, you snatched the gun and stored it away before the steps stopped behind you.

„Time to go“, he said. 

__

The GCPD Headquarters resembled a sinking ship. There was utter chaos; swarms of equipped police officers rushed out of the building, the telephones kept ringing while short-staffed officers had to deal with worried citizens. One by one, they stormed into the Headquarters and demanded answers.

„Who’s responsible for that?!“ „Are we safe?!“ „Where’s James Gordon? What is he going to do?!“

„There he is!“, someone yelled and pointed up to the first floor. Gordon, who had just ended a phone call with Gotham’s major, stepped out of his office. He clenched his jaw at the sight of the furious mob and walked down the stairs.

„Please, do not panic“, Gordon said and raised both hands calmingly, but it didn’t work. Angry faces stared back at him and someone snorted loudly. 

„Not panic? Someone, god knows who, blew up the library and we are supposed to not panic?!“

„I understand you…“, Gordon reassured, „… and we do everything in our power to put the bomber under arrest. As for now, there’s no need for an evacuation. Avoiding public spots and staying home is the safest option.“

Finally, his words seemed to make an impact as people gradually fell silent. Gordon sighed impalpably and waited patiently for further questions - when all of a sudden, he spotted Selina’s face.

The teenage girl barged her way through the crowds, until she reached the front row.  „Selina? What are you doing here?“, the commissioner asked, clearly confused.

„I need to talk to you!“, she urged and came to a stand next to Gordon, who frowned. 

„If it’s because of the explosion, then…-“ 

„It has to do with a friend of mine!“, Selina interrupted him. Judging by her tensed expression, the situation seemed rather serious, so Gordon put a hand on her back and took a few steps away from the people.

„What’s your friend’s name?“ 

„Y/N“, she replied, quick like a shot and Gordon thought he had misheard her. Due to the babel of voices and ringtones, it was not far-fetched and so Gordon asked again: „Your friend’s name is Y/N? Y/L/N?“

Now it was Selina’s turn to frown. „You know her?“

„I talked to her, yes. What is the matter?“

Even though Selina was clearly confused, she wasted no time. „Penguin is looking for her. I don’t know what’s going on, but she’s also involved with this maniac Jeremiah. I saw them having dinner, she asked me for a gun and I gave her one and-“ The more Selina revealed, the more absent Gordon became. He turned away from the girl as his thoughts spun over in his mind. 

„Hey!“, Selina called and followed him. „Did you listen to me? Y/N is in serious trouble and we need to help her! Now!“

Luckily, Harvey Bullock walked over to Gordon with a file in his hand and the commissioner intercepted his partner by grabbing the man’s shoulder. „We have to see Oswald. Y/N is more involved than we thought“, Jim informed him, his serious gaze put a frown on Harvey’s face. „The wonderland-lady?“ The detail got Selina’s attention and she pushed herself between the two police officers, making her presence hard to ignore.

„Okay, what’s going on here? Why did you talk to Y/N?“, she demanded. Selina’s almond-shaped eyes stared at Gordon expectantly and the GCPD captain, who was familiar with her stubbornness, sighed. 

„Spit it out!“

„She was a witness of a crime scene that involved Jeremiah“, Gordon explained harsher than intended, but Selina didn’t care. The new information left her stunned and a loud snort escaped her lips as she shook her head. 

„Wait, so… you knew that she had made contact with that maniac and you did what: nothing?!“

„Selina…“, Gordon tried to allay the upset teenage girl, but failed. Selina just raised her hands to hush him and backed out. „I thought your job was to protect people!“, she exclaimed. Wild flames of anger were roaring deep inside of her, turning her blood into lava. If this green-eyed lunatic laid a finger on you, god have mercy, she would stab him to death.

„Selina, wait!“ Gordon’s attempt to stop her fell on deaf ears. He had no other choice than to watch Selina disappear into the crowd, probably about to do something rash.

„Did she just criticize our way of working?“, Bullock asked offended, but Gordon gritted his teeth and quickly grabbed a pack of ammunition from a colleague’s table.

„Let’s go.“ 

__

The sharp echo of your heels was the only sound as you walked the dimmed hallway of Oswald’s underground fortress. Your inner tension grew with every step you took and turned minutes into hours. Now and then, you glimpsed at Victor who kept staring straight forward and you couldn’t help but look at his arm. After he’d shot Mr. Ricci, the hitman had guided you to a car and hardly inside the vehicle, he cut himself with a razor. The sight of the many scars on his arm left you shocked until now. You gulped at the memory. 

Suddenly, you heard an awful scream coming from inside at the back and you jumped around - but no one was there. Again, another loud scream rang out from the distance and Victor flashed a smile that revealed his sharp teeth. 

„Unfortunately, we can’t join this party.“ His gloved hand found the small of your back, but you refused to walk. Were they going to torture you as well?  The possibility evoked waves of anxiety and in a moment, you were paralyzed with fear. 

„Move“, Victor growled as he pushed you forward. „Please“, you breathed, searching for any sympathy in his dark eyes, a glint of hope - but despite the dangerous sparkle in his intense stare, there was nothing but evil nature.

„Please, what? You finally wanna get shot in the knee?“, he asked in anticipation. 

Your eyes widened and before you could react, Victor’s firm grip picked you up and put your body over his shoulder. A squeal escaped your throat while you clung to the black fabric of his blazer for support. 

„See, I like you better this way. It’s more fun.“ He started to whistle as he carried you further into the never-ending tunnel, ignoring your protests. After a while, you resigned and waited for Victor to stop and when he did, you looked up. 

„Final destination, sweet cheeks“, he announced and before he put you down, Victor lightly slapped your backside which caused you to flinch.  As soon as your feet touched the ground, another voice caught your attention. 

„Ah! My guest of honor has arrived!“ A rather short man, dressed in a grey stripped morning suit, approached you. He limped across the spacious room, using a walking stick in the process. 

„I’m Oswald Cobblepot. Pleasure to meet you!“ You hesitantly took his outstretched hand and he enthusiastically shook it. 

„Y/N L/N.“

Judging by his cheerful smile, he was indeed very pleased to see you and it increased your chance of survival. 

„Please“, Oswald gestured you to enter. While he hobbled back to his seat near the fireplace, you briefly glanced at Victor’s military figure who stood guard next to the door. Somehow, your gut told you to keep an eye on him and when he cheekily winked at you, you followed Oswald by going through the open double-door. 

Two freshly poured glasses of wine awaited you at the long table. The furniture, with its many chairs on both sides, reminded you of a centipede. 

„Miss Y/N, there are two things that you need to know about me…“, the black-haired criminal began, handing you one glass and you listened. He seated himself on the pretentious arm chair and took a sip as he waited for you to do the same. 

„You see, I’m a very impatient man with a temper who never beats around the bush“, Oswald clarified and that’s when you noticed that his excessive smile didn’t reach his eyes. 

He seemed to wait. „I understand“, you eventually said, nodding.

„That being said…“, he leaned closer, elbows on the table as his glance bored into yours, „… I want to know where Jeremiah Valeska is.“

Jeremiah Valeska. This goddamn name. It was his fault for dragging you into this world of chaos and death. Whatever power game these two were playing, and considering the recent events, one thing was for sure: it wouldn’t end in your favor.  Your only option was to get out of this, as soon as possible, and in order to achieve that you had to play your cards right…

>>I want your pretty lips to be sealed.<< That’s what he said. The last time you’d ignored his instruction, Jeremiah blew up a library. So what should you do? Oswald sensed your inner conflict and all it took from him to get your attention back was to slam his glass on the table. 

„Impatient“, he reminded you. His arm chair screeched as he stood up, slowly wandering behind you. 

„I’m tired, extremely tired of getting excuses instead of answers“, he said and took your hand in his, caressing your fingers with his thumb. „And this is not personal, I reassure you, but I will torn out your fingernails, one by one if you remain silent!“

„Ah!“, you gasped at his sudden tight grip that painfully squeezed your fingers.  

„Talk, woman!“

Then, an idea popped up in your mind. It was a risky move, but you gave it a whirl.

„I know where Martin is!“

„What?“ Oswald let go of your hand. He yanked your stool to the side so that you were facing him.

„What did you say?!“, he asked again, his whole face strained and a look of complete bewilderment in his eyes. Jackpot.

Leaning closer, you felt your heart racing. At last, the sweet hope of freedom seemed within your reach and you pulled yourself together to keep a cool head.

„Mr. Cobblepot, the only thing you need to know about me is my honesty…“ Oswald hung on your every word; with every fiber of his body, he was ready to believe you. Naturally, Oswald was being torn from his trance as your hands cupped his. 

„I want Martin to be safe and sound. He’s just an innocent child that shouldn’t experience such horrific things.“

„So he’s okay? He’s alive?“

You nodded. „Yes. Physically, he’s in best health.“

„Oh, thank god!“, Oswald gasped out in relief, his shoulders visibly dropping. Poor man, he had been subjected to uncertainty for far too long. 

„He…- Jeremiah… brought me to his hideout, a bunker, where he holds Martin hostage. Please trust me when I say that an unfortunate event made our paths cross. I’m just a pawn in a rigged game, like Martin.“

Lips pressed into a thin line, Oswald tried to regain his composure, but there was something else. His icy blue eyes studied you intensely, it wasn’t as extreme as Jeremiah’s stare, but equally unpleasant. 

„The dart of an eye, tensing of forehead… the littlest thing can say a lot“, he remarked, pulling his hand out of your grip. He silently continued his observation and you put a brave face on - after all, you were telling the truth and your confident aura made Oswald chuckle.  The chuckle, however, soon turned into laughter which left you clueless. And in a swift movement, Oswald slammed his palm on the table and the laughter stopped. You almost jumped up from your seat.

„Excellent!“, he cheered. „I’m pleased to see that you’re not lying! So, I assume you’ll help us?“

You bit your lower lip. „I’m going to show you the bunker, yes. But on one condition.“

Oswald’s knowing smile encouraged you to keep talking. 

„I want protection for me and my sister. After all, Jeremiah won’t be pleased to have me helping you“, you said and the man pursed his lips. 

„Fine! If there’s nothi…-“ 

A storm of gunshots interrupted Oswald mid-sentence and he turned to Victor, alarmed. The bald killer, who already held two guns in each hand, stepped back to cover you and his boss. Heavy footsteps echoed in the hallway and a group of armored men entered the room.

„Oswald Cobblepot“, one of them addressed the Penguin as he raised his hand, holding a document. 

„We’re here on behalf of Mr. Ricci. You didn’t pay on time, so we’re going to confiscate your toys.“ Mr. Ricci is dead, you thought smugly and glanced up at Victor.

Without wasting time, the men aimed for the room in the back, stowing away all kinds of weapons and ammunition in bags and suitcases. 

In a matter of minutes, the group of 20 had emptied half of the room’s stock. 

„What?! That’s ridiculous! I’ve already made payments!“, Oswald explained, more than upset. He limped to the leader of the group, the one with the document and ripped the piece of paper from his hand. 

„Wait, that’s the payment for next month. Today’s the 5th!“

„Change of deadline“, the man simply replied with a shrug. „According to the document, the payment was due on the 3rd. That’s why we’ll keep your stuff for three days, like the general terms and conditions says and oh, look: that’s your signature down there. So quit the whining.“ Of course it was fake, but it didn’t stop the pillaging. Oswald was helpless, but then he rushed towards you.

„You!“, he yelled. „You knew about it!“, he pulled at your hair, forcing your body to stand up. 

„No! I have nothing to do with this, I swear!“ He scoffed.

„Oh, I know about your little diner date! What kind of deal did this maniac do with Mr. Ricci?!“ He pulled again, twirling your hair around his hand to get a firmer grip.

„I don’t know!“

„Liar!“

„I’m not! I was sent to the car! I have no idea what they talked about!“, you asserted desperately. Tears were streaming down your face as the burning sensation on your scalp became unbearable. Oswald looked at Victor and he nodded, confirming your story.

„Whatever!“, the criminal spat, pushing you against Victor who caught you. 

„There’s no time to lose! Get me together a good bunch of men, Victor! We’ll put an end to this circus.“

__

You fumbled with your hands nervously as you scanned the passing buildings. The car, a silver-painted rust bucket, drove the familiar route to your apartment. Oswald Cobblepot, Victor Zsasz and a murky-looking guy behind the wheel were also inside the vehicle. While Oswald occupied the front row, you tried your best to ignore the hitman next to you - but you could feel his eyes on you. 

To your surprise, you were able to persuade Oswald in seeing your sister before you’d head to the bunker. 

Repeatedly, you were looking behind you, but despite two more cars of Oswald’d men, there wasn’t anything suspicious. No Jeremiah.

„Relax. Your are in good hands“, Victor ensured, smirking like the mad-man he was.  After fifteen minutes, you’d arrived. 

„Hurry up“, Oswald commanded and you nodded, running across the street. 

While climbing the stairs five floors up to your apartment, you used the time to rethink your plan. 

First of all, you would guide Oswald and his men to the bunker in the forest - that was the easiest part. The real challenge was to get them inside. Okay, think. How will you do this? There were cameras outside the bunker, so there was no point in sneaking in as Jeremiah would detect your group.

Therefore, it had to be you. He’d certainly open the door for you and once inside, you had to shut down the alarm and monitoring system. So far, so good.  Then, you’d unlock the door for Oswald and provided with a map of the labyrinth that you’d sketch, they should be able to find Martin. After that, it was a race against time to get out alive. Your heartbeat quickened as your imagination went further, thinking about the last and final part of your plan. The second Martin was free, safe and sound in the woods, you would face Jeremiah and…-

Just when you arrived on the fifth floor, keys ready in your hands, you paused at the sight of your door. It was open. In the blink of an eye, millions of horror scenarios flooded your mind and they all included your beloved sister. No, no, no. Please, god. I beg you.

You grabbed the gun in your bag by instinct as you tiptoed closer, carefully listening for any noises inside your apartment, but it was dead silent. 

Taking a deep breath, you slowly sneaked in your dark hallway and got an overview. Everything seemed to be on its place, there weren’t any hints for a break-in. But even though you couldn’t see anything suspicious, you could definitely smell it. 

The intruder had left an obtrusive scent, a strong cologne that laid in the air, telling you that you were not alone. Of course, you were going to inspect your sister’s room above all. 

Your heart was painfully hammering against your chest, so much that you were afraid it could explode at any second. But it wasn’t fear that pumped the blood through your veins, no. It was pure anger. Whoever dared to break into your home and possibly harm your sister - hell would be salvation after you were done with that bastard.

One last step, and you were just two feet away from your sister’s room. You bent slightly forward to sneak a peek and immediately regretted it as the old wooden floor creaked under your weight. „Fuck!“, you hissed and saw a shadow move through the tiny crack of the door. Without losing more time, you bursted into the room. „Hands up or I’ll shoot!“, you yelled, holding the gun with straightened arms in front of you. 

The intruder, a man that stood on the other side of the room, turned out to be none other than Jeremiah Valeska.  Dressed in a dark purple suit and shiny black shoes, he titled his head to stroke his sleek hair. 

„Is that how you welcome guests, my dear?“, he criticized while readjusting his tie. 

„What are you doing here?“ The disapproval in your voice and the fact that you didn’t lower your gun made one of his curved eyebrows perk up. 

„Paying you a visit. Isn’t it obvious?“ 

You followed his gaze and spotted the fresh flowers on the nightstand - a bunch of beautiful white lilies. 

„Looks more like housebreaking“, you corrected him, checking on your sister. She seemed fine, the machines worked and the monitor showed normal levels.

„What a pity…“, Jeremiah spoke in his monotone voice. „She looks like Sleeping Beauty, waiting for her prince charming to kiss her awake and not like… brain-dead.“

„Shut up“, you growled through gritted teeth and Jeremiah quietly clicked his tongue.

„My apologies.“

For several minutes, darkness and silence reigned. While you had him in your sights, gun still in your hand, Jeremiah kept a close eye on you as well - his face moving like a sculpture carved out of stone. So, secretly giving up on reading him, you focused on the rhythmical beeping of the life-saving machine. The sound reminded you of a clock whose beeping declared every passed second. 

„So“, Jeremiah said, walking with long steps ahead to pause in front of you. Even though you owned a gun, his piercing green eyes never failed to create an uneasiness. His all-knowing glance made you aware of the fact that you were like an open book to him - he read line by line, every detail and every secret. The longer he stared at you, the more nervous you became. And when he spoke again, it was the final straw.

„Tell me… How was your evening with Mr. Ricci?“ 

The man’s name alone triggered you immensely and forced you to relive the terrifying moment. Anger, fear, helplessness and panic - the cocktail of emotions clouded your mind.

„You son of a bitch!“ Without thinking twice, you’d raised your hand and slapped him, so hard that the sharp smack teared the air in half. 

„Who do you think you are?! That pervert degraded me, almost killed me! I am not your fucking property, you psycho!“ Your voice was shaking. And so was your body. 

You glared at Jeremiah’s profile; the impact had turned his head; and watched as he carefully touched his cheek. 

„Now, now. How ungrateful“, he whispered and in the next breath, you were slammed against the wall. You didn’t know when, but Jeremiah had deprived you of the gun, pressing now his forearm against your chest to keep you in place. It hurt. 

„It’s astonishing how you keep forgetting that I’ve saved your life.“ His other hand gripped your chin, his thump resting on your lower lip. 

„Instead of those ugly words, I was expecting to hear expressions of gratitude. Mr. Ricci was a gift from me, after all.“

„A gift?“

„Yes“, he hissed, leaning closer until his warm breath collided with your heated skin. „Don’t presume I didn’t notice your little exchange in the bathroom. I’m not stupid, my dear.“

You squirmed, but Jeremiah wouldn’t let go. His thumb started to caress your trembling lip and it made you freeze in place.

„Mr. Ricci was the perfect candidate.“

„The perfect candidate for what?“, you asked and he grinned. 

„The perfect candidate to be your first victim.“ Suddenly, all the anger was gone and had been replaced by disbelief. What did he say?

„Oh, please“, Jeremiah half-heartedly moaned and rolled his eyes, „Don’t play the good girl.  Of course you were going to use the gun and I wanted to give you the opportunity.“

„And why would I thank you?“ All he said made no sense, if anything - it only proved his madness. He purposely put you in this dangerous situation, just so that you were forced to kill Mr. Ricci. 

„You see, Y/N, killing a person is a life-changing experience. It gives you power.“ Your puzzled and disturbed look seemed to amuse him. 

„But you didn’t, did you?“

„No“, you confessed and were unsure whether you should feel proud or guilty. However, it worried you that Jeremiah already knew the answer and you wondered: how much more did he know? 

Then, he suddenly pulled back his arms and you staggered. 

„What a pity“, he mumbled, sounding like a disappointed father. Jeremiah walked to the window and shoved the curtains a little aside to look at the street.

„I see that you’ve made the acquaintance of Oswald“, he commented casually and you detected a hint of satisfaction. Shit, there went your plan. 

But why didn’t he seem angry or bothered? After all, he’d told you to lie about Martin and yet again, you didn’t obey him. 

Every muscle in your body tensed and you awaited an explosion somewhere in the city. 

„I guess it can’t be helped then.“ 

Your eyes were locked on the ground as you listened to Jeremiah’s footsteps, coming closer and closer. If he wasn’t going to set a bomb, then…

Automatically, you stepped in front of your sister’s bed and met the criminal. He was towering over you, radiating an aura of arrogance and craziness. When he raised the gun, you were ready to beg.

„Guide them to the bunker. I’ll be waiting for you“, he said and put the weapon in your hand. You couldn’t believe it. It took you a moment to realize that you and your sister were still alive and after you’d regained your composure, you turned around to face Jeremiah.

He stood next to the bed and observed the sleeping girl. 

„I’m impressed“, he admitted and you frowned. „It’s heart-warming how much you care for her. My brother never did. He was turning my childhood into a living nightmare.“

Unsure how to react, you decided to just listen, but Jeremiah straightened his back and pulled at his jacket.

„I’ll see you then. Don’t dawdle. We have a long night ahead of us“, he told you and left the room. You held your breath to hear the click of the closing apartment door and when it did, you collapsed on the ground. 

„Thank god“, you whispered at the verge of tears. Crawling next to the bed, you grabbed your sister’s warm hand and squeezed it. She was alive. 

Even though you were more than relieved, you knew that it wasn’t over yet. As Jeremiah that: the night was long and Martin was still trapped in the bunker. 

You stood up, kissed your sister goodbye and rushed out of the apartment. Oswald was still waiting and you didn’t want to waist anymore time. Pull yourself together, you can do it! You stepped out into the cold night and headed for the silver car. Whatever Jeremiah had in mind, you needed to outsmart him. For Martin’s sake. 

„Y/N!“, a familiar voice called and you turned your head. James Gordon got out of his car, one hand lurking on the gun by his hip while he approached you. 

You came to a halt in the middle of the street, not sure what to do. 

„Don’t!“, you warned the GCPD captain, but he ignored it. He kept walking. 

„Listen! No matter what’s going on, I will help you! You need to trust me, Y/N!“

„Hi, Jim!“ Victor’s upper body popped out of the silver car’s window. He held two guns that aimed for the GCPD officer as a devious grin decorated his features. 

„Bye, Jim!“ Countless shots aimed for Gordon; the defeating noise made you cower and closing your eyes. A scream echoed and you flinched. Did Victor shot a woman? 

It was hard to think probably amongst that hailstorm of flying bullets, but you noted that it had been your scream. 

Concerned about the officer, you opened your eyes again and a dazzling light blinded you. One, two, three seconds was the amount of time your brain needed to process the situation - a truck sped towards you. Your heart stopped beating.

To be continued…

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[gorgeousdan]

The One Where Phil Teaches Dan to Skate

summary: Dan spends a summer week in 2010 with the Lesters. word count: 2,487 genre: fluff other: 2010!phan, swearing

Dan loves the Lesters, really, he does.

This is probably his fourth or fifth time with them, and each time he feels right at home. Phil’s mum wraps him up in a big hug as soon as he gets out of Phil’s car - right after she hugs Phil, of course - and she kisses his cheek. “It’s so lovely to see you, Dan,” she says. “And in the summer this time! When the weather isn’t so bloody cold, huh?”

Truth be told, Dan could probably be cold anywhere - he’s wearing a sweatshirt right now (it’s Phil’s and it’s just a little too big on him, but most importantly it’s warm and it smells overwhelmingly like Phil), but he doesn’t like to argue with Katherine so he just says, “it’s lovely, Mrs. Lester. Thank you for having me.”

Katherine rolls her eyes fondly. “For the millionth time, love, call me Katherine.”

Phil, who had been getting Dan’s bag from the back of his car like the gentleman he is, checks Dan’s hip as he walks by. “Yeah, love,” he teases, and though his voice is laced with a teasing intonation, Dan still gets a warm feeling in his chest. Being around Phil in person is still so new to him, he wonders if there will ever be a time when Phil’s voice won’t make butterflies flutter in his stomach. He sure as hell hopes not.

Phil and Katherine walk in and Dan follows them. As Phil dumps Dan’s bag by the staircase that lead to the upstairs bedrooms (Phil’s and Martyn’s - Katherine and Mr. Lester’s bedrooms are downstairs) Katherine says, “so you’ll have the guest bedroom, love.”

Phil reacts like Katherine’s just slapped him in the face, and Dan definitely understands where he’s coming from. The whole way here, all they were texting about is being able to be in the same room, alone, free to kiss and touch and just hold each other, fall asleep in each other’s arms, nothing but their combined breaths. “But mum!” Phil whines like a petulant child.

Katherine puts a hand to Phil’s cheek. “Oh, don’t give me that look, child,” she says gently. “I do the same thing with Martyn and Cornelia. It wouldn’t be fair to give you special treatment just because Dan’s a boy.”

She gives Phil a look that says ‘try me’ and Phil, ever the obedient child even though he’s technically an adult, backs down. He raises his hands in surrender. Katherine smiles at him and pats his cheek. “Why don’t you show Dan the guest room, love?”

Phil takes Dan’s bag from the stairs and motions for Dan to follow him. Unfortunately, they don’t go upstairs - they walk past Katherine and down the hallway and finally, Phil enters a room that’s just across from his parents. It has a queen bed and is cute, actually, there are paintings of flowers on the wall and knick-knacks from the Lesters’ Florida adventures but it isn’t Phil’s room and so Dan instantly hates it.

Phil closes the door behind them and leaves Dan’s bag at the foot of the bed. “Sorry about this.” Phil plops down onto the bed and lands on his back. “I didn’t know she was gonna do that, obviously.”

“It’s fine,” Dan answers. He lays on the bed, on his side so that he can face Phil. From up close, Phil is even more beautiful. The light streaming through the windows light up Phil’s eyes - as deep and rich as the sea itself - and the freckles on his skin. Dan wonders offhandedly how many freckles Phil has, and has the strange urge to count them all.

Phil turns so that he’s facing Dan and his face lights up with a mischievous smile. “Hey,” he says. Dan hums in question. “What do you say you sneak up to my room after my mum and dad have fallen asleep? They’re such heavy sleepers that they wouldn’t even realize.”

Dan gasps in mock scandal. “Phil Lester,” he starts, his voice accusatory even though he can’t keep the giant fucking smile off of his face. “I will have you know I am a perfect Christian child.”

“Blah blah blah blah,” Phil mocks, his grin turning wider. Dan lightly punches him on the arm in retaliation. Phil rubs his arm as if it actually hurt (it didn’t). “I hope that isn’t the only bruise I’m getting, bear,” he teases.

Dan laughs. “You are such a fucking flirt,” he accuses, and Phil doesn’t get a chance to answer because Dan is pulling him into a crushing kiss. Phil kisses him back, runs his hands through Dan’s hair, tugs a little bit. Dan whines a little bit in the back of his throat. Phil does insane things to him. He turns Dan inside out and takes him apart and puts him back together. Dan’s sure he’s never loved someone as completely as he loves Phil Lester.

“Boys!” Katherine calls from outside the door. The two boys jump apart and look towards the door. Luckily, Katherine doesn’t enter. “Come help me pick out what we should have for dinner!”

Her footsteps retreat and Phil groans, dropping his head to Dan’s shoulder. He presses his lips to Dan’s collarbone and says, “later, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dan promises. “We’ll continue this later.”

-

Around 11:00PM, Katherine pops her head into Dan’s room. “Aight, love,” she says, glasses low on her nose. “I’m headed off to bed. Are you comfortable?”

“Very,” Dan answers. He’s got his laptop perched on his knees and he’s scrolling through Tumblr - he’s not going to bed yet. For one, he’s a bit of an insomniac and a night owl. And he’s waiting for a text from Phil telling him it’s safe to escape to his room for a few hours of uninterrupted Phil time. Dan’s heart throbs just thinking of it.

Katherine smiles at that. “Don’t stay up too late, okay? Lots to do tomorrow.”

Dan smiles back at her. Katherine has really become like a second mum to him - the entire Lester family is like a second family. He hopes there will never be a time where he’ll have to be apart from them. “I won’t, Mr-” he catches himself “-Katherine. Have a nice night.”

“You too, love,” Katherine says, and as she leaves she closes the door behind her. Dan can hear the bedroom door across the hall from him - Phil’s parents - open and close as she walks in.

At 11:23PM, Dan hears footsteps down the hallway. His heart sinks, thinking Phil’s mum must still be awake. At 11:27PM, his phone lights up with a text.

PHIL just walked past mum and dad’s

So that explains the footsteps, at least.

DAN verdict?

PHIL dead asleep m8 i have buffy set up

DAN omw

Dan exits his room as quietly as possible, using his phone as a light to guide his way. The door to Phil’s parents’ room is closed and no one comes out as Dan walks past. He thinks he’s in the clear as he walks towards the stairs, until he spots Martyn in the kitchen. Martyn’s wearing only a sleep shirt and a pair of boxers, his hair a mess on top of his head, and he’s dipping a bag of tea into a mug.

“Uh,” Dan starts eloquently. He’s fairly certain he can’t just sneak past Martyn at close to midnight and not say anything, but he’s not entirely sure what the etiquette is for sneaking past someone so you can go make out with their brother without their parents knowing.

Martyn pinches the bridge of his nose. “Just go,” he says. “Keep it down, you lot.”

Dan’s really grateful to Martyn, really, he is. He’s quiet, but from what Dan has seen of him and heard through Phil’s stories, he’s a really good older brother. It occurs to Dan that Martyn would be a good manager, but that’s a conversation for another day.

Dan walks up the stairs and enters Phil’s room, closing the door behind him. Phil’s laying in bed in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that hangs off his shoulders. His hair is a mess and is everywhere - he has so much of it - and he has his glasses on. He has his laptop sitting in front of him and Dan can see he’s queued up Buffy.

“Hey there, stranger,” Phil says in lieu of greeting. Dan crosses the room and presses a gentle kiss to Phil’s lips - his pulse speeds up because he can’t believe he gets a chance to do that - before he drops down onto Phil’s bed. Phil wraps an arm around Dan’s shoulders and pulls him in close. Phil smells like his body wash and deodorant and something distinctly Phil that Dan gets a little dizzy.

“You wanna watch Buffy?” Phil asks. He’s so close that Dan can hear the rumble of the words in his chest and it’s still so fucking surreal, getting to be like this with Phil, instead of watching him through a computer screen.

Dan nods instead of answering and Phil starts the first episode. They end up getting through four episodes before the two of them fall asleep tangled up in each other, Dan’s head on Phil’s chest, Phil’s arm draped lazily around Dan’s shoulders.

-

Katherine walks into Dan’s room at 8 in the morning to wake him up. When he’s not there, she walks into the kitchen, where Martyn just nods towards Phil’s room. She walks in and finds Dan and Phil asleep together, curled up together under the duvet.

She closes the door and lets them sleep for a little bit longer.

-

Dan’s the first one to wake up.

During the night, he and Phil have moved, but they’re still close together. Dan’s laying on his back now and Phil’s curled into his side, one of his legs thrown over Dan’s, his face pressed into Dan’s neck. Dan runs his hand through Phil’s hair and thinks he’s very fucking lucky to be able to wake up like this. He wants to wake up every single day in the same bed as Phil.

As if sensing Dan’s cheesy thoughts, Phil groans. “I can hear you thinking,” he says against Dan’s neck, the words slurred with sleep.

Dan just smiles and presses a gentle kiss to his forehead. Phil lifts his eyes to meet Dan and squints up at him. “Can’t see without my glasses,” he complains. He reaches over and grabs them off the nightstand. Once they’re on, he smiles. “There. Wanted to see your hobbit hair.”

“Hey,” Dan laughs. He retaliates by putting the hood of the sweatshirt he fell asleep wearing up. Phil just pouts and pulls Dan into a long kiss. Phil’s got morning breath, but Dan really could care less. That is, of course, until Phil knocks his hood off and pulls back to smile victoriously. “You’re an asshole,” Dan says, but he leans forward to kiss Phil again anyway.

They kiss until they’re broken apart by Phil’s stomach rumbling. They break apart with a laugh and Phil stands. “C’mon,” he says, offering a hand to Dan. “Let’s get breakfast.”

Dan takes Phil’s hand to stand and doesn’t let go. The two of them walk hand in hand down the stairs, where Katherine, Mr. Lester, Martyn and Cornelia are all sitting in the kitchen, eating breakfast. Cornelia has a book open in front of her, Martyn looking over her shoulder. The two of them laugh as she points at something. “Is that Phil? Oh my goodness!”

Dan and Phil sit side by side, and as Katherine stands to get them both a plate of pancakes, Dan asks, “is what Phil?”

Cornelia doesn’t answer; instead, she walks over and drops the book in front of Dan. It’s a photo album, and the page she’s open to shows Phil, probably age eight or nine, smiling goofily at the camera with a skateboard at his feet. “Oh my god,” Dan says, because it’s easily one of the cutest things he’s ever seen and Phil’s never mentioned skating. “You shredded?”

“Not well,” Phil says. “I could, like, move a little, but I wasn’t as good as the boys at the skatepark so I gave it up when I was 15.”

“I still have your skateboard in the garage,” Katherine says as she leans over Phil to pour him a cup of coffee. “You should teach Dan how to skate.”

“Yeah?” Phil asks. Dan really has no desire to skate, but the way Phil’s eyes light up at the suggestion - fuck, Dan would jump in a volcano if it would make Phil smile like that. “You wanna, Dan?”

“Sure,” Dan answers. “I’m down.”

-

That afternoon, Phil has Dan on the sidewalk in front of the Lester’s house, helmet on, standing on a skateboard. He has his arms around Dan’s waist to keep him from falling over, which Dan feels dangerously close to. He’s naturally clumsy already, but the added energy of Phil right on top of him has him a little wobbly.

“So keep your feet spread evenly apart facing opposite to the skateboard,” Phil directs. Dan fixes his feet accordingly and Phil watches. “Good, okay. So you’re gonna turn your front foot,” he taps Dan’s left foot with his own, “forward and push off with your right foot. Just go slowly.”

Dan pushes off and starts moving slowly, Phil’s hands still around his waist, walking with him. Phil gives him a proud smile. “You’ve got it!” he says. “Put your foot down to stop?” Dan puts his foot down and the skateboard stops under him. Phil kisses his cheek. “Brilliant. Wanna try yourself?”

“Yeah,” Dan answers. He feels pretty confident, actually. If young Phil could do this, he can do. Maybe being the Tony Hawk of his fourteen year old self’s dreams isn’t as difficult as he originally thought.

Phil lets go of him and stands behind him. Dan takes a second to compose himself and then pushes off. For a minute, he’s fine, until he pushes himself again and goes faster. He panics a bit, unsure of how to slow, and loses balance. He falls on his arse, the skateboard moving without him until it eventually slows to a stop a few feet away.

Phil rushes over and kneels in front of Dan. “You alright?” he asks. When Dan nods, Phil offers him a hand. Dan stands and feels his heart speed up a little when Phil doesn’t let go of his hand. “Come on,” he says, walking Dan over to the skateboard. “Let’s try again. You got this.”

-

Inside, Cornelia shakes her head from where she’s watching them and washing dishes with Martyn. “They’re engaged before the year is over, I bet.”

Martyn turns to her as he dries off a plate she hands to him. “I’m willing to take that bet.”

Cornelia holds out her hand. “You’re on, Martyn Lester.”

AUTHOR’S NOTES:

hey!

this was written for a prompt that, again, is super duper old! i’ve been trying to get through some of my old prompts and this is one of them. i hope you like this, anon, if you even still follow me.

please reblog if you enjoyed this fic! it really helps the blog to grow and makes me smile. i’m especially proud of my recent work and it would make me very happy if people could see my new work.

if you want to read more of my fics, you can check the list of everything i’ve ever written here. if you want to follow me (thank you!) feel free to do so here. 

thank you for your endless support. 

- seb

[5hfanfiction]

Hollywood - Chapter 11

“So let me get this straight, both Lauren and Camila think they are having dinner with you alone, but it’s really going to be just the two of them having dinner?” Dinah asks and I nod my head.

“That’s the plan.” I confirm as I stuff my mouth with a spoonful of Frosted Flakes. “I made reservations for two at a nice steakhouse downtown under the name Cabello.”

“But what happens when they both show up and you aren’t there?” Dinah questions as she pours herself another bowl of Fruity Pebbles. This is literally what we do every time I come over to her apartment.

Scheme while eating multiple bowls of cereal. Is it healthy? Not at all. Is it fun? Hell yeah.

“I told Camila to meet me there at 5:30 and I told Lauren to meet me there at 5:50. So when Lauren arrives and says the name Cabello, she will be escorted over to the table where Camila is at. I gave them your credit card and told the hostess to tell them that their meals are paid for.” I smirk at Dinah and she scoffs.

“How in the hell did you get my credit card info?” She quirks an eyebrow up at me.

“Dinah, I’m over here like 3 times a week. I know where you keep everything by now. Plus, you always put your purse down on the table by the door and leave it there until you go out next.” I explain.

“Camren better not order anything expensive.” The Polynesian rolls her eyes as she scoops up another bite of cereal.

“Listen, I know you want them back together just as bad as I do and I do remember you saying, and I quote ‘I’ll do whatever it takes’.” I remind her of what she said to me the other night when I came to talk to her about my two moms.

“First of all, I was wine drunk you cannot hold anything that I said against me. Second of all, you’re a sneaky little thing.” Dinah points her spoon at me and I just chuckle.

“Drunk words are sober thoughts. We all know that.” I say as I stand up and place my bowl in the sink.

“Mani, Camila, and Lauren are all going to kill me when they find out that I’m helping you with this.” Dinah drinks the milk from her bowl before walking over and setting hers in the sink next to mine.

“I’ll take all the blame. We all know that none of them can stay mad at me for long.” I flip my hair over my shoulder dramatically. “I’m just too cute.”

“That’s literally something that Camila would say. Jesus you act just like her.” Dinah ruffles my hair as she passes by me to get to the couch. When she plops down on it, I follow her over and do the same.

“One Tree Hill marathon?” She asks as she navigates to Netflix.

“Hell yeah.” I say as I kick my feet up on the coffee table in front of me.

About halfway through one of the episodes, I look over at Dinah, who has her eyes glued to the television.

“Hey, D?” I play with the hem of my shirt.

“Hmm?” She tears her eyes away from the show and focuses her attention on me.

“Thank you for helping me and not thinking I’m crazy.” I tell her and she reaches over and grabs my hand in hers.

“You aren’t crazy.” She assures me. “And to be honest, I probably want your parents to get back together more than you do.”

I snort and squeeze her hand. “When I first came here, I just thought I was finding my birth mother. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to find both parents.” I look down at my lap. “Now that I’ve found them though, I want it all. The whole family experience, you know?”

“Everyone wants their parents together. I get it.” Dinah nods her head, her eyes sympathetic. “But just know if it doesn’t work out with them, they will both still be your moms. Like I said, I want it to work out too, but they have to want it to work out. Unfortunately, no matter how much we want them together, we still don’t have the kind of power to bring them together. It has to be something they want.”

“I know. You’re right.” I nod my head and turn my attention back to the television.

“But we are going to try our hardest to help them understand that they are better together. I truly believe they are and I know deep down they know too.” She speaks up and I look back at her, my eyes full of hope.

“You see it too right? I mean they flirt every chance they get and it’s so obvious.” I feel the corners of my mouth tilt up.

“It always has been. Trust me, kid. It took them forever to admit their feelings to each other the first time around. I think I knew and Mani knew they were going to end up together before they even knew.” Dinah chuckles.

“How did they finally end up getting together?” I question, turning my body toward her so I could give her my full attention. I loved hearing stories about my moms.

“Camila went on a date with a guy and it killed Lauren. She ended up getting drunk and when Camila got home from her date, she basically told her she was in love with her. Camila didn’t believe her at first because she was drunk. The next day, she asked her about it and Lauren confessed that everything she said was true. Luckily, Camila’s date was a fail and when she told Lauren that, Lauren kissed her and Camila didn’t pull away. The rest is history.” Dinah taps my nose and I just shake my head.

Dinah and I tried to sit at home and mind our own business, we really tried our hardest. However, when the clock struck 5:30, our curiosity got the best of us and so we drove to the restaurant and are currently camped outside in her car with our seats laid back and binoculars in each of our hands.

“Ooh there’s Lauren she’s going in. Right on time.” Dinah claps giddily as she stares into the binoculars. “Wow I can see Mila perfectly. Good job getting a window table.” She holds out her fist and I bump it. “Damn lil Chanch, you really planned out everything didn’t you?”

“The window table was fate. I had nothing to do with that, but it does makes spying so much easier.” I smile mischievously as I bring the binoculars back up to my face.

“Lauren is sitting. Oh my gosh this is getting good.” Dinah says.

“Dinah she literally just sat in a chair how is that-” I stop talking when I see the Polynesian pull out an entire bag of microwaved popcorn. “You are the most extra human I’ve ever met in my entire life and I fucking love you.”

“You better love me lil Camren. I did let you use my car for this stakeout.” She waves her hand around gesturing to the car we are currently in and I look at her incredulously.

“Um if I remember correctly, I was going to wait at home and just pry the details out of them both later, but you insisted we stake out in front of the restaurant in your car. Hell you even gladly supplied both pair of binoculars.” I look down at her lap where the popcorn is sitting. “And a whole ass bag of popcorn too I guess.”

“Well this is hella more interesting than rewatching episodes of One Tree Hill and Grey’s Anatomy for the hundredth time.” She shrugs as she stuffs another handful of popcorn in her mouth. I nod in agreement before reaching over the console and stealing a handful of the buttery snack.

We spend the next half hour watching both Latinas eat their dinner. Not creepy at all.

“Typical Lauren, laughing at all Mila’s lame jokes.” Dinah mutters as we both watch Lauren throw her head back laughing at something Camila said. I smile at the sight and start to think about what it would be like if they got back together and then ended up getting married. I picture the house that we would all live in with the white picket fence and red door. I’m broken from my thoughts when I hear a gasp.

“MOVES HAVE BEEN MADE I REPEAT MOVES HAVE BEEN MADE.” I hear Dinah whisper yell and I face my binoculars back toward the restaurant. Sure enough, I see Lauren’s hand placed on top of Camila’s and my smile widens.

“Oh hell to the yeah!” I hold my palm up to her and she slaps it. “We did that shit, Dinah. We are doing the lord’s work here.”

“We sure are.” She agrees excitedly.

We stay in the car until we see the waitress bring over the bill and then we speed back to Dinah’s apartment. Both of us pile up on the couch and turn on Netflix just to keep up the facade that we were at Dinah’s the entire night and not spying.

At 8 pm we hear a knock at the door and Dinah goes over to check the peep hole. “Whew it’s just Mani.” Dinah wipes the fake sweat off her forehead before opening the door and greeting her girlfriend with a kiss.

“Hey Mani!” I say as I get up and walk over to hug the dark-skinned beauty.

“Hey my dude.” Normani wraps her arms around me tightly. “So I got an interesting call from Lauren a few minutes ago…” She says and I pull away from the hug and walk to stand by Dinah. “Something about how she was supposed to have dinner with her daughter, but ended up having dinner with her ex instead. You two know anything about that?” She cocks an eyebrow.

“Well what happened was I wanted to have a nice family dinner, but then when I got to the restaurant, my phone rang and Dinah here informed me that she had found a spider in the apartment and needed me to come kill it.” Probably not the greatest lie, but I’m bad under pressure.

Normani crosses her arms and smirks. “Oh okay. For a second I thought you two set them up on a date, but I know my girlfriend would never ever put her nose in someone else’s business like that.”

“Mani, you know me. I would never be that sneaky. I don’t have it in me.” Dinah puts her hand over her heart.

“Well don’t just stand there, give me all the details. How’d it go? Did they look like they were having fun?” Normani asks and both mine and Dinah’s jaws hit the floor. “Oh cut the surprise faces. You two left the fucking binoculars on the table by the door.”

“Well since you asked, they held hands and Lauren laughed… a lot.” Dinah claps her hands excitedly and Normani rolls her eyes.

“That’s not surprising since Lauren laughs at all of Camila’s knock knock jokes.” She says and I can’t help but laugh at the visual of Camila telling Lauren jokes and probably laughing uncontrollably while she’s in the middle of telling them.

“They are on their way over so you may want to hide those.” Normani points to the binoculars and Dinah scurries over and swipes them into the drawer quickly. About the time that the drawer shuts, the front door of the apartment opens and my two moms walk in.

“Whew thank you lil Chanch for taking care of that spider for me I would’ve had to stay in a hotel tonight if you hadn’t come over to help me find it.” Dinah wraps me in a bear hug and I chuckle into her chest.

“I hate spiders, but you know I got your back.” I hold my fist up and she bumps it. “We make a good team.”

We both turn our attention to the two women standing at the door when we hear a throat being cleared. “Well imagine my surprise when I walked into the restaurant tonight only to find out that I wasn’t in fact having dinner with my lovely daughter.” Camila quirks up an eyebrow and I look down at my feet.

“Damn spiders. Always ruining everything am I right?” I chuckle nervously.

“And then imagine my surprise when I see Lauren being escorted over to my table.“ Camila continues and I glance over at Lauren to find her already staring at me with an amused smirk on her pale features.

“What a small world huh? They probably saw Lauren walk in and since you two dated in the past, they assumed you were together. I can’t believe people would make assumptions like that.” I hear Dinah snort and I shoot her a glare.

“Don’t make assumptions used to be Lauren’s motto.” Dinah fights back a smile. “She said it every time Camren was mentioned.”

“Okay Cupid, time to go home.” Camila reaches her hand out to me and I turn to Dinah and Normani and give them both hugs. I take Camila’s hand and watch her turn to Dinah.

“We will discuss this later, Cheech. Don’t count on me forgetting.” She says before turning back to the door and leading us out. I turn back to see Lauren trailing behind us. She walks us over to Camila’s car and opens up the passenger side door for me.

I slide in and she reaches across and grabs the seat belt and buckles me in. “You still owe me a dinner, kid.” She says when she pulls back.

“I’ll see if I can pencil you in.” I joke and she laughs before leaning in and placing a kiss to the side of my head. She shuts the car door and motions for me to roll down the window.

“Tonight was fun, Camz.” She momentarily breaks eye contact with me and looks over to Camila. “Maybe we can all three go to dinner sometime?”

“I would love that and I’m sure this sneaky little thing would too.” Camila ruffles my hair and I just shake my head.

“Text me when you get home so I know you made it.” Lauren tells Camila and I try to fight back a huge grin. “Love you, kid.”

“You too, Lauren.” I reply and she smiles warmly at me before stepping away from the car and making her way over to hers.

"You still owe me a dinner too, by the way.” Camila reaches across the console and takes my hand in hers.

“Yeah yeah get in line, dude. Everyone wants to have dinner with me these days.” I toss my hair back dramatically. “I blame it on the green eyes. Everyone’s a sucker for green eyes. You included, huh?”

I sneak a glance at her and she’s smiling widely while staring at the road ahead. I see a tint of pink on her cheeks and that tells me all I need to know.

“Well my favorite girls… girl has them so you know I love them.” Camila responds and I catch the slip up.

Girls. She just referred to Lauren as her girl. I quickly dig my phone out of my jacket pocket and text Dinah.

CAPTAIN, OUR SHIP IS SAILING.

[raindrops-on-the-roof]

Tenshi

Hey everyone! This is just the first chapter of a fanfiction I’m writing for miraculous! It, as well as the second and third chapters, are avaliable under the name “Tenshi”. Please give it a read if you want to!

Summary: In which Nino is smart and everyone else is just slow.

“Pay attention! Open your eyes!” Nino yelled, wanting to slap him and hug him at the same time. “She’s literally right there? How are you so blind? What is this?”

Also, how does Gabriel Agreste know so much? “Nathalie, find me all of this girl’s friends.” Nathalie frowned at him. “Sir, that could take a while -”

“Do it!”

Adrien doesn’t understand. In general. “Why do you keep bringing this up? It was just a cat pun!” He hoped Nino didn’t notice how sweaty he was.

Alya is somehow, surprisingly, miraculously, as clueless as ever. “What are you saying, Nino? That they- ” She waved an arm vaguely in their direction, her eyes dead on him - “are meant to be Ladybug and Chat Noir?”

Tikki is tired, in every way that a parent dealing with an overdramatic teenager is. “MARINETTE! I have been patient with you, but this is as far as your stupidity goes!”

And Marinette is just… normal. “I… uh…” She rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. He glared at her. “I’m sorry.”

Let’s see if I can make this work.

Look who’s back, back again with more shit lmao

So this stems off the end of the “Miraculous Ladybug Episode - My Birthday Party | Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir” thing on Youtube. Don’t get excited, it’s not actually a new episode, but you should totally check it out anyway.

Anyways, enjoy

Tenshi

“I can’t wait till Saturday!”

Marinette closed her diary and placed it back in its handmade container before setting the trap. Tikki, her kwami, flew up from her purse as she stood back and took a deep breath.

“What did you write about this time, Marinette?” Tikki chirped, whizzing to look her in the eye.

She smiled at her friend. “Oh, Tikki, I wrote about my birthday! Mum said I could have friends over, remember? Of course, I’ll invite Alya, I mean that’s obvious, and Rose and Juleka, and maybe Ivan and Myléne because of course Myléne will come if Ivan does and– “

“Wait!” Tikki interrupted, waving her hands in an attempt to slow her rambling. Marinette, however, continued.

“–Oh, my gosh, what if Adrien comes! Imagine that, Tikki!” She grabbed Tikki and shook her a little while the kwami sighed, knowing she’d lost her. “I’ll need to plan it for when there’s a break in his schedule!”

Marinette frantically pulled down her (incredibly) detailed Adrien timetable to check that his Saturday was free. She scanned the days leading up to it. “Okay, Tikki!” She cried, excited. “Today is Tuesday!” She whapped the sheet with a cane. “So obviously today is his first of two– “She stuck two fingers in the air for emphasis– “free days of the week, the other being Thursday.”

Tikki nodded absentmindedly, trying to look as though she was paying attention. Honestly, by now, she was used to Marinette’s rants about Adrien, as she had watched the bluenette’s feelings go from disgust to curiosity to full-blown obsession.

Honestly, Tikki was starting to get worried about it, not that she’d ever tell the girl that.

Obsession with anything was never healthy, and looking around Marinette’s bedroom, Tikki could see the evidence of hers. Posters, doodles, little notes, and the most obvious thing; the schedule. She didn’t know and didn’t want to know how Marinette managed to get her hands on that information.

Zoning back into the conversation, Tikki noticed that Marinette was nearing the end of a rant about what days Adrien was free, noting that she had been talking for about five minutes.

“Marinette!” Tikki interrupted, sounding scolding. “What is the point?”

Marinette looked at Tikki as if she had two heads. “My point is… ah…” She waved her cane about as she thought. “… What were we talking about again?”

Tikki shook her head in exasperation. “Can Adrien come to your party this Saturday?”

Marinette’s eyes darted to the schedule before nodding her head in happy affirmation. “Yes! He can!” She started dancing around her room in excitement.

Tikki giggled at her antics, stopping suddenly when Marinette’s face grew horrified. “Marinette? What is it?”

She collapsed on her bed dramatically. “Oh, Tikki, what am I going to wear? What is he going to wear? What if he wears some super stylish awesome clothes his dad designed specifically for the party? What if I wear something gross and disgusting and he thinks it looks awful? I think I’d just about die from embarrassment!” Marinette groaned from her position face down on the bed. “What am I going to do?”

Tikki, well versed in the ways of the teenaged mind, was the voice of reason. “Marinette, you haven’t even asked him yet.”

Marinette looked up at Tikki, looking yet more horrified. “Oh my gosh, Tikki, how am I going to ask him?” She started groaning into her duvet again.

Tikki had to stop this before she got the ball rolling once again. “Won’t Nino help you? He’s been quite kind in the past, and now that he and Alya are… something, you would be able to catch him alone.”

Marinette looked up at Tikki again, but with a completely different expression. “Tikki, you’re a genius! I’ll call Alya right now!”

Tikki rubbed her temples. “Don’t you think you should make a list of the people you want to invite?”

“Ah, yes, more amazingly amazing good ideas from Tikki!”

Marinette tore a piece of paper from her ideas book before scribbling the names down, tapping her pen on the table occasionally before writing something, or crossing something out, before showing Tikki her list. “Tada! I decided on Alya, Rose, Juleka, Ivan, Myléne, Kim, Max and Alix! Of course, Nino and Adrien are there too.” She pointed to their names as she said them.

Tikki noticed but didn’t comment on the hearts drawn around Adrien’s name, nor the fact the Chloé Bourgeois and Sabrina Raincomprix’s names were crossed out. Instead, she was supportive. “That sounds great, Marinette! Now you can call Alya!”

Marinette nodded happily before picking up her phone and dialling Alya’s number in record time.

“Hey, girl! What’s going on?”

“Just a whole lot of planning, actually! Are you busy?”

“Uh, Marinette, have you seen the time?” Alya sounded like she was trying not to laugh.

It was 8:10 pm on a Tuesday night. Marinette had not started her homework.

“Oh no! ThankyousomuchAlyaI’lltalktoyousoonbye!” Marinette slammed her phone down on her bed and ripped her homework out of her bag. She had to get started if she wanted a decent night’s sleep.

Tikki giggled again, feeling happy albeit guilty for forgetting about her work. “Well, the quicker you finish the work, the quicker we can go back to planning.”

“Right!”

ひらがな！

愛していますよ！

Unfortunately, Marinette did not finish her homework until 11 pm that night and by then was exhausted and practically flew into her bed without changing or taking out her hair. Tikki, though exhausted herself, took a little bit longer.

Staring at Marinette’s sleeping form, the kwami sighed. The girl’s naivety was really starting to worry her along with her obsession and Tikki worried that, when faced with a difficult decision, her Ladybug would fall.

She shook her head. She knew better than to dwell on such things. Everything would work out.

Tikki floated slowly over beside Marinette and pulled out her pigtails slowly, trying not to wake her. One day she’d be faced with something bigger than her, and Tikki knew that Marinette could not fail her. Wayzz’s master had not been wrong about a ladybug in thousands of years. Everything would be okay.

She hoped.

奇跡的

よかたですよ

The next day, Marinette (of course) woke up late for school. She sprinted down the stairs with Tikki in her purse and quickly kissed her both her parents goodbye before tripping over her feet and falling face first through the door onto the pavement outside. Tikki stifled a giggle but stayed hidden as Alya ran up from the side.

“Again, Marinette?” Alya helped her up before dusting her off. “Hurry, we’re gonna be late!”

Marinette started laughing before grabbing her hand and pulling her along. “I need to talk to you!”

“Can it wait? Madame Mendeleiev is going to slaughter us!” Alya cried, starting to pant.

They rounded the corner to the school.

Marinette hesitated. “Well… Yes, of course, it can!” They both jumped up the stairs, taking two at a time before getting into the building.

“Wait.” Alya stuck an arm out to stop Marinette bursting into the class. “We need to fix ourselves up and enter gracefully.”

Marinette looked at Alya. Her hair was windswept and her glasses were askew. Marinette knew she probably looked similar. “Right!”

Tikki, feeling a bit battered, shook her head in Marinette’s purse, feeling a little discombobulated. Peeking out, she watched them fix each other up before they swept into class. Luckily, they were only a few minutes late and Madame Mendeleiev only told them to take their seats.

As soon as Marinette stepped into the classroom, Tikki could feel Plagg. It wasn’t something she could stop, and of course, she was used to it. She had a small idea of who had the ring, as Adrien had not yet been akumatised; however, it was not unheard of for a miraculous holder to become an akuma, and a regular civilian could easily avoid akumatisation with the ability to control their emotions.

Besides, Chat Noirs in the past had never been that lucky.

Tikki decided to take a nap. It would be a few hours before anything interesting happened, anyway.

奇跡的

よかたですよ

She woke up to the sound of Marinette’s frantic whispering to Alya.

“But Alya, how do you think he’ll react to my invitation? Do you think he’ll hate it? Oh my God, he will, won’t he?” She groaned. “This is the end of my life!”

Tikki could picture the pity smile on Alya’s beautiful face.

“Girl, you know he won’t.” She said, sounding like she was trying not to laugh. “Besides, you have to actually ask him first.”

“I know, I know…” Marinette stared at the blond mop in front of her, who seemed to be lost in thought.

Alya hesitated before touching her arm gently. “You know, Marinette… Do you think you’ll actually be able to ask him?”

Tikki hoped she remembered her suggestion. Luckily, that was the case.

“I was going to ask Nino for help!” Alya’s smile turned forced. Marinette noticed immediately. “What is it?”

“Nothing, nothing!” Alya tried to convince Marinette, who looked more worried by the second. “It’s just… I mean… Will you need me there?”

Marinette suddenly forgot all about the party. “Alya, is there something wrong between you and Nino? You seemed so close before…”

Alya pursed her lips. She didn’t want to talk about this, not now, not when he was right there and breathing and being perfect for her if she wasn’t so-

“Alya?” She immediately plastered on a smile. Marinette looked extremely concerned, remembering the way their personalities clicked so well while they were locked in the cage.

Alya couldn’t tell her, the words drowning her lungs, blocking her throat, stilling her tongue. “No, girl, don’t worry about me! I’ll totally have your back.”

Marinette smiled and thanked her, but Alya could tell this wasn’t the end of the conversation, and Marinette knew that she would have to seek out Nino herself. She couldn’t ask Alya for help after that reaction.

The bell rang, startling the two, and apparently Adrien, who fell out of his chair in front of her. Alya snorted and Nino burst out laughing.

“You right there, dude? Your head was totally in the clouds the entire class,” Nino said through his laughter. Alya was trying to hide her giggling, and Marinette was trying to find something to do with her hands.

Adrien rolled his eyes at Nino and sent Alya a look before grinning at Marinette. “At least you’re polite enough not to laugh.”

Marinette could feel her knees weaken at the way his eyes shined when he smiled and was suddenly speaking. “Ah! Yes! You are very nice! … I mean me! I am very nice! Marinette! That is me!” Smooth.

Adrien looked confused while Alya’s quiet giggling turned into full-blown laughter, struggling for air with tears in her eyes. Nino winced a bit while Adrien’s face went from confused to amused, saying “Thanks, I think?” before picking up his bag and walking out of the classroom for lunch.

Marinette put her head in her hands as soon as he left. Alya, finally calming down now, wiped away a tear of mirth before patting her on the back. “Come on girl, that wasn’t as bad as last week.”

Marinette groaned while that sent Nino into more laughter. “Oh man, that was great! You were… Um…” Alya’s glare cut him off and he quickly made himself scarce.

She sighed and patted Marinette on the back while the girl in question took some deep breaths. Finally, she stood up. “Let’s go. Did you see where Nino went?”

Alya smiled sheepishly. “No, sorry.” She glanced at the ceiling. “It’s Thursday, right? I don’t think he’d go home today, he has physics after lunch. He’s probably in the library.”

Marinette lifted her chin determinedly and strutted out of the room, her show of false bravado prompting Alya to join her as they walked towards the library. Alya was a little suspicious of her confidence but supposed that talking to Nino about Adrien wasn’t as nerve-wracking as talking to the boy in question was.

At least, for Marinette.

Alya was shaken out of her thoughts as Marinette stopped at the entrance to the library. She took a deep breath and pushed the heavy doors open.

The Collège Françoise Dupont library was the pride and joy of the school. With the 500 hardwood shelves stacked with books and papers of all subjects, it was not unheard of for the students of universities and other colleges around Paris to join the usual students in the library.

However, a big library meant it took Marinette over half of lunch to find Nino, with Alya getting steadily more restless.

Alya was struggling to think of an excuse to run, finding herself unable to come up with a reason to avoid seeing him. She could not see him, not outside of having to, she couldn’t -

“Nino! Finally,” Marinette cried, getting a withering look from a nearby student. “We’ve spent almost all of our break trying to find you,” she said, quieter.

Nino, who had glanced up at the shout, frowned in confusion. “We?”

Marinette pursed her lips and reached behind her, dragging Alya to stand beside her with surprisingly strong arms, Nino noticed. “Alya and I.”

Nino looked shocked for a split second before smoothing it over with a kind smile at Marinette. “Well, what can I help you with?”

“I… um…” Alya elbowed her in the side. Tikki was wide awake.

Nino waited patiently, knowing she’d get through her hesitations. She had only been hesitant around her when she wanted to know something about Adrien - that is until she asked.

Marinette sat down next to Nino, before turning her chair to sit right in front of him and leaning forward. “IwantAdrientocometomyparty!” Marinette whisper-shouted into his ear. Alya rolled her eyes and Nino smiling fondly. “You, uh, wanna repeat that?”

Marinette took a deep breath before staring Nino dead in the eyes. “I want Adrien to come to my party, it’s on Saturday at.. I don’t know where yet, the park? And it’d be really cool if he could come! What if he bought me a present! Oh my goodness, I -”

“Woah, woah, Marinette,” Nino said, holding his hands up to stop her ranting. “What do you want me to do about this?”

Marinette paused her ranting before saying, “Well, of course, I want you to ask him for me,”

Nino considered her carefully, weighing the pros and cons. Of course, the cons were obvious: Adrien probably wouldn’t be allowed to go, therefore making Marinette worry about why he didn’t come, he hated her, etc. But if he was allowed…

Well, that could open whole new doors to their relationship. Of course, he and Alya (separately) could con them together.

Alya…

No, he wouldn’t think anything more of it. He would ask him, for Marinette’s sake.

He leaned forward and stared her straight in the face, mimicking her perfectly. “Marinette, for your sake, I will…” He trailed off, his eyes having found their way to her earrings - red with black spots.

“You will? Thank you!” She flung forward to hug him, almost shoving him off his chair.

“No problem,” He muttered, wrapping his arms around her. Still, his mind focused on her ladybug-spotted earrings. He never knew she was a fan…

Effectively ripping his attention back to reality, Marinette let go and stood up quickly. “Wait, Marinette,” He called as she was about to leave. “He might not be allowed to go because of his father. Please don’t get your hopes up too high.”

Marinette nodded sharply, still beaming, and Nino knew that his words hadn’t quite gotten through to her.

Still, he would ask. He knew that Adrien would probably like to go, but if his dad said no, he wouldn’t push it. Nino had to change that.

Watching the girls leave, Nino stood up too. He had work to do.

奇跡的

よかたですよ

Adrien took a deep breath of fresh air before walking down the well-polished stairs of Collège Françoise Dupont. His day, as was usual, had been rather unlucky, and his brand new shirt was sporting the evidence: a rather large splatter of tomato sauce dead in the centre. His dad wouldn’t be pleased.

Shaking his head, he was about to get into his car when -

“Yo! Adrien! Wait a sec, dude!” Adrien smiled apologetically at the Gorilla before turning to see Nino quickly descending the stairs, his arm outstretched. “I need to ask you something.”

Adrien grinned. “Sure. What’s up?”

Nino sighed. “It’s Marinette. She wants you to come to her birthday party.” He stared at the ground. “I tried to tell her that you probably wouldn’t be allowed, but she didn’t listen -”

“Woah,” Adrien said, putting his hand on Nino’s shoulder. “It’s okay, I’ll ask my Dad.”

Nino ran a hand over his face. “Yeah, I know you will, and he’ll say no, just like he always does. You always have the worst luck with these things.”

Adrien smirked, and Nino knew the pun was coming before he even said anything. “Like a black cat, huh?”

Nino froze. Not what he expected. “Um, what?”

Adrien shook his head, still with a grin on his face. “Inside joke.”

Nino stared for a little longer than was polite, making Adrien clear his throat uncomfortably. “Uh, so, I’ll ask my Dad and see how it goes, alright?”

Nino cleared his throat. “Yeah, sure. Hey, you know what this means, right?”

Adrien rolled his eyes before they found the top of the stairs. “This again? Nino, you’d have to be crazy if you think she’d like me.” Nino took the opportunity to search out the silver ring on his finger.

“T-trust me, bro. She totally has the hots for you.” The ring had the outline of six dots - five smaller, one large.

Adrien shook his head before a grunt from his bodyguard made him wince. “Sorry, Nino, I really have to get going, or I’ll be late for practice.”

Nino stared blankly at the black limousine as it sped away, comparing Adrien’s appearance and behaviour to that of Paris’s beloved black cat. Finding too many similarities for it to be considered normal, he sighed and ran his hand through his hair, wishing he’d never noticed.

Okay you guys but don’t expect a legit schedule from me I wrote this in like two weeks around school okay thanks bye

[spotlightsaga]

Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews... Casual (S03E01) Ashes to Ashes Airdate: May 23, 2017 Ratings: @hulu Streaming Only Score: 8/10 **********SPOILERS BELOW********** I was almost in relax mode... The episode was wrapping up and I was reaching for a soda, my iPad, my phone, and all the things I need to sit down at my homemade office in the corner to create my review... Hell, I'm just glad the show is back... Luckily I had the subtitles on, because it's about 5:30am here on the East Coast of 'The Psuedo-Aiiiight' USA (We've still got Miley Cyrus, so somewhere it's a 'Party in the USA') and I just happen to glance over and read the dialogue that Frances Conroy's Dawn was sweetly delivering in venomous spurts. Charles Cole is not Valerie's father, but took Dawn in while she was pregnant and alone and raised her daughter like she was his own... GASP! It sounds soapy, like really REALLY soapy... But even though the idea is so Daytime Soap, just short of the type of 'Days Of Our Lives' iconic moment where Marlena is possessed by the devil, and the impact of what Dawn is saying is monumental, particularly for Valerie. The delivery Dawn adopts is so hollow and true to the show's name and the cut is so quick to the credits that the only way to react is.... Well... Exactly how Val's daughter ,Laura Meyers (Tara Lynne Barr), reacts... Laughing out loud hysterically into a hushed sip of alcohol that she shouldn't be drinking. Welcome back, Casual! Valerie (Michaela Watkins) & her teenage daughter Laura are no longer living at home with Valerie's brother Alex (Tommy Dewey). The separation is hard on both of the siblings, and where before it was only Alex consistently calling poor Leon and constantly disrupting his life (who BTW had the World's Worst One Night Stand that just won't go away in multiple facets of his life), now we see Valerie doing the same while finding reasons to gain his company to use him as a psychological sponge. Leon (Nyasha Hatendi) seems to be finally ignoring Alex altogether, but now he's over at Valerie's new place attempting to fix her sink that he has no idea how to fix. She rattles off her worries and insecurities about Alex's mental health and the fact that he's seeing Jennifer (Kate Aselton) as his therapist. Leon just kind of grunts, I imagine he has no idea why he's really there. And I guess I'll go ahead and admit my growing crush on Hatendi... Maybe it's the shape of his body, his pouty lips, youthful face, his worldly vibe, even his accent, or the fact that his character Leon needs a slap on the ass and some serious direction... Granted he does have a wild side we saw in S2, so he's most definitely open to new experiences. Unfortunately he's trapped in what was supposed to a 'one and done' new experience, but here he is, still being sucked back in this 'Casual Vortex', still very much a recurring (close to main) character in S3. Broken people love 'people projects' to avoid focusing on themselves, Valerie & Alex adhere to this rule a bit, but they're too self absorbed to actually do anything for Leon... All I'm saying is I can see why both Alex & Valerie keep him around. All of this... Everything going on in Casual plus my secret crush I just revealed... It all just kind of sneaks up on you, doesn't it? S3 starts out on a music-less montage of quick edits of both Valerie & Alex talking to different people fervently about one another's problems and quirks. Ah, siblings. This is an eventuality isn't it? That is until a major event brings them back together... That's very true to real life, I've seen it time and time again. Alex has brought in a roommate to not only fill the void Valerie and his niece left in him and his home emotionally & spatially, but financially he's not in the same place he was either as his business was ravaged in S2 due to insane, self-destructive behavior... The roommate is Hans, who is uncredited, which means he won't be sticking around, hell he doesn't even make it to the final act. Alex is cold to Hans, as he is to everyone, but Hans keeps walking in on creepy moments that are taken out of context. I should say... That anyone would take these things out of context. Hans walks down the stairs as Valerie discuss killing their father, that was really a tough assisted suicide that their mother bounced on... But all he hears is 'We murdered him. We did the dirty work. She can't take that from us.' Just the looks the two exchange with Hans as he slowly and carefully eases down the stairs makes for another top notch black-comedic moment. Valerie's home life isn't that much better. She has a passive aggressive landlord, Tina (An American Queen... Jamie Chung, another legendary and ultra successful 'Real World' alumni like Mike Mizanin AKA The Miz) who won't fix anything. Signing her texts making excuses why her handyman is stuck in another country and can't fix Val's sink ('Crazy Story!') with a ❤️ emoji... Later telling Val she 'didn't want to interrupt him because he is on a 'soul-searching journey'. So here we are... Back in the smoggy land of cold parenting and broken dreams of LA for a 3rd Season of Casual. Alex & Val are not in the best spaces, and now a bomb has literally gone off shaking the very core of Valerie's identity... They both seem to be most comfortable with each other when they are mocking their dead father (Valerie's now revealed pseudo-father) and discusses all the hilarious things they could do with his ashes that would give them some kind of closure. Alex appears to take Jennifer's advice about letting go of his father's ashes, because in her words 'it's not the same as letting go of his father'. He does end up giving her ashes, but Alex is a glorious asshole and since Day 1, it's been he and his sister vs the world... Not sure what kind of ashes he gave his acerbic, pleasantly acrimonious mother (or if he just stole them back during her rancorous speech), but in the final moments he reveals he stuffed the real ashes in Valerie's purse... This should be good!